#and then brought them with me during the designated school library times instead

[kaurwreck]

I've seen a few posts about how if you were bookish as a kiddo, then you have an author with whom you have an irrational vendetta because of an English teacher. I keep trying to consider if I have one, but I don't think I do. I've definitely had English teachers I didn't respect, but I can't fathom taking them seriously enough to feel anything about their opinions on lit.

[th3radlad]

Thread Breaker Vol 1. Chapter 4

Hey y'all~! Since It's been a while between the uploading of chapter 3 and 3.5, I thought I'd treat you by releasing Chapter 4 In The Same Day!

"Wake up..."

"Hello..?"

"GET UP YOU FUCKING MORON!!"

Sakano abruptly jumped out of the library's beanbag following Miyuki absolutely bitchslapping him across the face.

"ngh!... Miyuki...! what the fuck!"

"Idiot! you've been sleeping for the past 10 minutes! The bell's gonna go soon!"

Sakano slowly rose up from the beanbag and adjusted his vision, seeing Miyuki and his best pal, Tsushiro Doyaki. Tsushiro had been friends with Sakano and Miyuki since well, forever. And the 3 of them were all overjoyed when they found out they were going to the same High School too, so it was no surprise that he'd be the one to stand by Miyuki as she knocked some sense into Sakano.

"ugh... pull me up Tsushiro..."

Tsushiro pulled him up when he noticed engravings on his forearm, much alike Sakano's, which were his magic crest, though instead of Sakano's emerald colour, they were much more amber. 

"uhm... what the fuck am i looking at...?" Tsushiro's eyes widened as he looked down on the intricate design spanning his forearm. Sakano immediately recognised this as the magic crest that is used for the most basic of Thread Weaving, and by the looks of it, it seemed that Tsushiro was an Energy Weaver.

"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A THREAD WEAVER!" Miyuki blurted out, also being taken by surprise by the sudden appearance of the engraving. “A what..? Nah bi- you crazy…” Tsushiro had no idea what the fuck Miyuki just said, thread weaving..? There’s no sewing machines anywhere nearby… So anyway, after a while of explaining, Tsushiro understood everything… or at least he told them he did, he probably just straight up lied to them to stop hearing the yap fest. Regardless, after school, they all decided to head down to the Vault of Threads… how did they find it? Well, let’s just say Arlen had implanted a mini-map into Sakano’s mind during his dream, this would always show him towards the Vault whenever, and so the 3 of them headed off together.

The Vault of Threads was said to reveal one’s true potential—and perhaps, one’s true self. Sakano and Miyuki had crossed into its entrance once, a strange threshold that seemed to stretch and compress time. Now, as he held out his hand, that acted as his entry, the familiar, vibrating pull brought him back, but he wasn’t alone. And thus, the 3 of them descended down the stairs, into the underground dungeon.

“Whoa…” murmured Tsushiro Doyaki, Sakano's best friend. Of a similar build to Sakano, Tsushiro ran a hand through his thick, brown hair as he peered around the grand chamber. His eyes widened at the towering stone pillars and swirling symbols that radiated with ancient energy. “This place feels like… I don’t know, standing in the middle of a storm. All these hieroglyphs n shit...”

Tsushiro was bound to the Thread of Energy, which was awakened following Sakano's encounter with the Matter Weaver. Where Sakano's abilities connected him to Time, and Yuri's was Perception, Tsushiro’s affinity was for the raw, volatile power of Energy. He could manipulate and intensify kinetic forces, control the ebb and flow of life itself. A natural-born powerhouse with a lively and light-hearted nature, Tsushiro never missed a chance to lighten the atmosphere. It is... befitting for an extroverted, outgoing, animated man such as himself.

“Stay focused, idiot…” Sakano whispered, elbowing him lightly. “This place isn’t some playground.”

Miyuki interjected: "Sakano, did we seriously need to bring him?" she scoffed and continued to walk calmly beside Sakano, looking around in awe of the walls, ceiling, and floor.

Tsushiro smirked, shooting him a wink. “You’re right—this is more like a theme park dawg.” he still casually walked through the dark, brick-lined hallways, with a lively spring in his step.

Sakano rolled his eyes, and that was when Arlen’s familiar voice echoed down the Vault’s long hallway as he approached. His twin daughters, Alisa and Aria, were at his side. They looked nearly identical—petite and soft-featured with matching long braided ponytails—but their personalities diverged sharply. Alisa was the more serious of the two, rarely cracking a smile. Her eyes were steely, like her father’s, hinting at a surprising level of maturity. Aria, on the other hand, carried a faint smile and wore a curious, almost mischievous look as she took in the chamber around her, observing the newcomers. Despite their differences, they adore each-other and would do EVERYTHING- and I mean EVERYTHING, together.

Arlen casually remarked: "Welcome to my domain, you three. I reside here with my daughters. These are Alisa and Aria, and they are the Guardians of the Vault. I expect nothing but the utmost respect for these two."

“This is Tsushiro, my friend from school,” Sakano introduced, waving between Tsushiro and Arlen’s daughters.

Alisa merely nodded at Tsushiro, a faint look of disinterest in her eyes, while Aria’s smile widened as she gave him a small wave.

“Do you two help your dad with the Vault?” Tsushiro asked, giving a playful grin to Aria, who returned his smile with a slight nod.

Arlen answered for them, his voice carrying authority and pride. “They assist me in maintaining the balance here. Even at their age, they’ve learned to handle the complexities of this place. It’s as much their responsibility as mine.”

Sakano was both impressed and somewhat relieved to know that he wasn’t the only young one involved in this strange world of Threads. “You two are really young to be helping out here, aren’t you?”

Alisa crossed her arms, her gaze steady. “The Vault’s power doesn’t discriminate by age, dummy. If it did, no one could protect it for very long.”

Aria also added her rebuttal, the twins always sided with one another. "Besides, we're more than capable to handle it ourselves!"

As the group moved forward, Yuri walked into the Vault, but not for Sakano, nor Miyuki. her footsteps silent as she walked beside a young boy. Sakano recognised him immediately: Yuri’s little brother, Nochi Hayashi. At only eight years old, Nochi clung to Yuri’s side, wide-eyed and brimming with excitement. Despite Yuri’s usual reserve, her expression softened in her little brother’s presence, her hand resting protectively on his shoulder.

Nochi’s dark eyes sparkled as he looked around, curiosity evident on his round face. He tugged gently on Yuri’s sleeve, his voice barely a whisper. “Sis... Is this where your thread things are...?” It seems that Nochi was the only person pre-Sakano Encounter who believed in Yuri's Threads, so she always had a soft spot for him, despite her harsh past...

Yuri smiled softly, brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead. “Yes, little one. I'm here to look more into Thread Recludos...”

Sakano and Miyuki watched the siblings with quiet fascination. Yuri’s normally guarded expression seemed to melt away when she was with her little brother, showing a side of her he hadn’t seen before. There was a gentle protectiveness in the way she watched him, as if he were the last good thing she could trust. Sakano felt a pang of envy seeing their bond; he had no siblings and had grown accustomed to being alone with his thoughts, his only outlet being Miyuki, who by now knows everything about Sakano from years of close friendship.

With that, Yuri and Nochi continued down a different path from the 3 of them, and went to a large library section of the Vault, their figures disappearing from Sakano's view. 

Arlen, noticing the group had gathered, turned to address them all, his voice low and serious. “Mmm, it seems you are here. The Vault is more than just a place for those bound to the Threads. It’s a sanctuary for understanding the Threads’ true nature, their purpose, and their responsibilities. The scrolls within are more than mere words—they’re reflections of what each Thread truly means, of the price each of us must pay.”

They proceeded into the Vault’s main chamber, where each Thread was symbolised by an ancient scroll. Sakano had seen his scroll—the one for Time—and its daunting warnings had been etched into his mind ever since. Today, he realised, the others would confront their Threads’ scrolls.

Tsushiro strode over to the scroll marked with the Energy symbol, a jagged glyph pulsing in time with his own heartbeat. He picked it up with a sense of reverence, but as he unrolled it, Sakano saw a flicker of unease pass over his friend’s face.

"The Thread of Energy To control Energy is to wield life’s pulse itself. The energy within all things exists to be harnessed, but without control, the thread will seek balance through its wielder’s spirit. All Energy Stores are available to be manipulated by those who can weave the Energy Thread. Kinetic, Potential, Elastic, Thermal, Magnetic, Electrostatic, and Chemical. Those who lack restraint will face destruction from within, unraveling their own life force."

Tsushiro swallowed, a shadow passing over his normally carefree expression. He rolled up the scroll slowly, the weight of his Thread suddenly apparent on his shoulders. He looked down at his forearm to see his Weaver's Crest glow with the scroll. The same, warm, soft light projecting out of his arm.

"Woah... so I can manipulate Energy...?"

Tsushiro pointed his index finger at Sakano, and an energy ball fired straight into Sakano's direction, but before it could do any serious damage, Sakano activated his thread and slowed it until it stopped right in front of him. With the Kinetic Energy of the ball gone, it simply dissipated off.

Phew, Crisis averted.

Meanwhile, in the Library, Yuri and Nochi looked around, looking at books... and engravings... and marks... I think you understand the gist of it. 

Nochi picked up a book on the Conditional Exchange Law, and flicked to a page of its definition. He looked it, and following Yuri's footsteps, was still able to grasp the complex language contained in the tome.

“Does everyone’s Thread have a price?” Nochi asked, peering up at his sister with wide, wondering eyes.

Yuri hesitated, casting a glance at Arlen before nodding. “Yes, Nochi-ko. Every Thread comes with a burden, something we have to carry. But… some burdens are heavier than others. It is what's known as the Conditional Exchange Law.”

"The Conditional Exchange Law is set up to cause the worst punishments possible for those who enact it. It drives Weavers insane. And its punishments revolve around breaking the resolve and morale of its users. For Perception Weavers such as myself... our drawback is that the gap between our own illusions and reality becomes blurred, and they go insane... they lose themselves in their own hallucinations, never to return to the reality plane again."

Nochi's eyes widened and he instinctively hugs Yuri, internally pleading that such a fate would never occur to his older sister, whom he cherished dearly.

"Sis... promise me that you'll never overexert yourself... please..."

Yuri pulled him into a gentle hug, pressing his head up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around him, trying to console him.

"There there... I've got you, your sister wont be going anywhere... I would have to go to the 0th Dimension first before being caught falling under the Conditional Exchange Law."

Yuri pat his head and then went back to the many... many bookshelves, searching for more books on the secrets to the Threads...

Arlen nodded in agreement. “The Threads connect all things. They are powerful, and they demand equal power in return. Those who wield them must be willing to accept their responsibility.”

Alisa and Aria, who had remained silent for most of the time, exchanged a look before Alisa spoke, her tone as matter-of-fact as ever. “If you must know, the Conditional Exchange Law is a serious of drawbacks and limits that Father arranged to stop the abuse of the Threads. Essentially, if you overwork your powers, the Conditional Exchange Law will bite you right back in the ass. It’s different for everyone. Some Weavers are glad that it exists, others despise it. Its main goal is to make the Weaver descend into madness, and to never find peace with themselves again. ”

Aria nodded, and turned to Tsushiro. Her expression serious for once. "You, the Energy Weaver.”

Sakano felt a strange kinship with the twins. Like him, they’d been thrust into a world of Threads, of powers beyond comprehension, at an age where they were barely beginning to understand themselves. But unlike Sakano, they’d grown up with it—guiding hands, the watchful eye of their father, and each other to rely on. And after all, besides Arlen, they are the most skilled people here too.

Arlen turned to Sakano, his voice even. “Sakano, you know the burden of Energy from your friend. Now you’ve seen the other Threads, and soon, you will see how they converge.”

He glanced at Tsushiro, who nodded encouragingly. In that moment, Sakano knew this journey would be anything but simple. His steps were bound to this Vault and the Threads woven into each of them.

He met Yuri’s gaze as she quietly exited the other chamber, catching an emotion in her eyes he hadn’t expected—perhaps something of understanding, or maybe relief that she wasn’t the only one who struggled with the Threads’ harsh realities. The warmth faded as Nochi gave Yuri’s hand a gentle tug, his bright smile an anchor for her in a way nothing else seemed to be.

And for a fleeting moment, in the heart of the Vault, Sakano felt as though they were all connected—not just by power or fate, but by a shared weight, a common thread in a web woven tighter than any of them could imagine. It was finally time to learn about the Time Thread, and what its specific Conditional Exchange Law drawback might be for him...

[CHAPTER 4 FIN]

[papersasquatch]

Gather around children, and allow me to share the story of the Milk Man.

The Milk Man is a legend from my dear old high school, practically brought into sainthood for his vast contribution to the school's lore as being the reason for this incredibly straight, white-suburban, gentrified-town-ass school's first ever walkout.

So, let me set the scene: My school was initially built to be a jail. That is not a joke. Once the foundation was placed, for one reason or another, some major overhauls to its interior blueprint transformed it into the high school building we know and love today. However, some places remained oddly jail-like in structure, including, mainly, the cafeteria. This was an open space between the top and bottom floors, retaining a single spiral staircase to get between them, and a balcony along the top floor which looked down into the seating area. It was quite large, as despite the fact that this was our town's second non-catholic high school, it was also filled with kids from the nearby major city who's dickhead cop dads wanted them to go to the whitest, suburban-flooded school imaginable. Needless to say, it was a cesspool of frat-house energy, axe body spray and seniors who believe they can get away with anything.

You might now be able to put two and two together that hazing (or Senior Pranks for y'all Americans) was quite popular. Every year, the limits seemed to get tested. One that I remember most distinctly was the time a senior purchased over 200 crickets from petsmart and let them loose in the lockers of the hallway known as "suic*de hallway", named as such since it was the narrowest hallway in the school but also was the only connection between the east and west wings, had lockers on both sides, and also contained the entry to the library and two other classrooms. It was cricket mania for the rest of the fall term, especially once they began breeding in the walls, but that's besides the point.

Now, everyone who ever hazed that school had major shoes to fill, and the continual pushing of the limits might have been due to the legend of the Milk Man. Now, with the mythologizing of this man certain aspects may be exaggerated, however having seen what I have seen from this school, I doubt any of it is by much.

One day in 2003, a senior student, the same as any other and not yet known by his grand mantra, decided to partake in some fun, "light-hearted" hazing. He arrived with his hockey bag, a bag basically the size of a twin mattress designed to carry hockey sticks, skates, and goalie armor, however within it, he carried no such thing. No, instead of the necessities for this country's grand sport, he had filled his hockey bag with over a dozen 4 liter jugs of milk.

Up the elevator to the second floor he went, and during lunch hour when the cafeteria was the busiest, he stood watching like a hawk preparing its descent onto its prey from the balcony above.

If I gain no other information from the grand hive of human consciousness upon my death other than what this 18 year old adult man's thought process was as he dumped the bag over the side of the balcony, I'd still be satisfied. However, I can't imagine it was much different than: "Oh yeah, this is such a good idea."

Shrieks from the cafeteria below echoed throughout the school as chaos erupted from the tsunami of 2%. The jugs exploded on impact, milk reaching every inch of the cafeteria within mere seconds, the rapid evacuation from the premises had begun as soon as the first carton hit the ground. And thus in a blaze of grand fury and an explosion of white fire, the Milk Man had been born.

He was very quickly arrested.

Fortunately, the cafeteria hadn't been as heavily populated that day as it normally was, and so no one was harmed in the incident, however the initial clean up alone took the rest of the week. However, this marked a landmark occasion in the school's history, as it was the first time a student had been arrested for a hazing, rather than simply being suspended. To some students, hearing about the arrest of the Milk Man despite the fact that no one had gotten hurt felt unfair. Why should someone be arrested for simply unleashing 48L of milky hell, raining down upon the school's most frequently populated common area?

And so, the next landmark in my school's history. They called the march "Free the Milk Man". It was the grandest display of frat house privilege and pure absurdity that the school had ever seen. Dozens of students walking out of class all at once, demanding that the crimes of the Milk Man be forgiven.

Typically tellings of the story end here. I've heard one ending that the protest worked, and the Milk Man was freed and forgiven, though more likely he was bailed out by his rich parents or something.

After all was said and done, the legend of the Milk Man has been passed through the school for generations, every new senior hazing day met with more and more absurd pranks hoping to one day go down in history, though none have ever truly stood the test of time the same way. Even now, after all these years, the Milk Man has made his mark on the history of the school, as well as the cafeteria's 40ft high ceiling.

All Hail The Milk Man.

[maiaszecket-grad604-2023]

W8 - Deep Dive into 20 Elements

Below are in-depth descriptions and thoughts about each of my 20 elements, based on the SDL activity pictured above. I answered the same prompts, but it was much easier to right them down in paragraph form as below instead of trying to format into the boxes.

ELEMENT 1:

Name: Dried Flowers

This object is remnants of a larger bouquet of flowers that was alive for a couple of weeks, and then set aside to dry for a further couple of weeks.

I received these flowers for my birthday in June. The gift of flowers is a way to appreciate the person you are giving them too.

I received these flowers from my loved ones, and they are important to me because it shows their love and gratitude towards me. They are dried in a way of conserving the meaning an extending their life to forever instead of temporary.

These are relevant to my creative practice because they represent beauty - I want my works and my designs to be beautiful and aesthetically-pleasing.

ELEMENT 2:

Name: Rings

These are part of my larger collection of rings that I have collected over the years. Each one holds significance or a certain memory.

These rings have been given to me as gifts from loved ones, bought at various markets during my travels; during significant times in my life, brought back as souvenirs from my family’s trips, or handed down to me by my parents and grandparents.

Each ring reminds me of a time in my life, a person I was with, or just plainly something I really loved or enjoyed.

These are significant to my creative practice because they represent my love for collections of objects. They all serve the same purpose, but each looks, feels, and fits differently.

ELEMENT 3:

Name: Archie Comic

This is a vintage Archie and Friends comic book that I used to love reading.

Over the years I have collected a small collection of them – randomly and rarely finding them in shops, my mum has found a couple for me, and I recently found one in the neighbourhood library on my front lawn.

This comic is significant to me because there is a huge element of nostalgia associated with it – it is a joy that I share with my mum, as she also read them when she was younger. They are also special simply by virtue of me having a collection of them.

This might have been my first exposure to design and art. it reminds me of Andy Warhol's art.

ELEMENT 4:

Name: Crochet Hooks

My collection of crochet hooks, that I use for my various yarn-based projects. I use them to make clothing, functional pieces, art, etc.

Each of them is from somewhere different - 2 from my grandmother, 1 for my birthday, one from my mum's friends, and one that I forgot to return to my youth group.

They are important to me because they are the tools I use to wind down and crochet something. I find this process really therapeutic and it is like my 'introvert activity' when I need some peace and quiet.

In terms of my creative practice, these hooks have allowed me to create so many of the things that identify me as a creative today.

ELEMENT 5:

Name: Never Let Me Go

This is an annotated copy of a book titled Never Let Me Go by Japanese author Kazuo Ishiguro.

I got this as part of my mandatory 'textbooks' in year 13. Throughout the term we read it and annotated it closely, and I quickly came to love it.

This was a set book in my Literature class in high school, and it is one of my favourite books I have ever read to date.

It is important to my creative practice because it represents a yearning for deeper understanding; research, and learning. These strategies are critical to my design process.

ELEMENT 6:

Name: Ceramic Trinket Tray

This is a trinket tray I created at a ceramics wheel-throwing introductory course I did with my mum earlier this year.

I made it myself at the Clay Centre.

It represents my desire to learn new skills, while maintaining my preferred design tool – my hands.

ELEMENT 7:

Name: Poem Tag

This is a pink tag with a mini purple poem embroidered on it - 'Remember when you were little, Remember when you were big'. It is meant to be sewn into a piece of clothing. I have yet to decide which one!

I ordered it from Mo Ritter in Oregon. She is an artist that created this project as a homage to her grandfather who was a Jewish Tailor in a concentration camp in World War 2.

This is significant to me because I can personally relate to this familial history, as all of my great grandparents escaped ghettos Poland in WW2.

This is significant to my creative practice as the artist draws on her cultural and religious backgrounds to influence her art. I also really love the idea of stitching art into your clothes, so that you can carry it around - it migrates outside of one designated area.

ELEMENT 8:

Name: Clay Domino

This is a domino I made from air-dry clay for a project for my minor class, Temporary Practices. It used to be a part of a collection of 3 dominoes, but the other two were taken home with other people as part of the project.

This is significant to me because it is something that I made with my hands and is part of a larger project I am proud of.

It is significant to my creative process because a) I made it with hand-building processes; textures, 3d, experimentation, etc., and b) it represents a project all about versions and collections and multiples, something I am really interested in.

ELEMENT NINE:

Name: Ceramic Vase

This is a flower vase made from ceramic material. Each side is painted with a different design, in black, green, and blue.

This vase came with me all the way from Canada when we moved, and it originally sat in my room at my grandparents' cottage on Bestido Lake in Muskoka, Ontario.

My times and memories from that cottage are really special to me, and I miss it so much. This vase is a little piece of it.

In terms of my creative practice, I have stared at this vase for so many years standing on my dresser, hoping to one day be able to make clay objects. Because of this vase, I did a wheel-throwing class and made a bunch of bowls and trays.

ELEMENT TEN:

Name: Get Your Shit Together

This is a book by David Shrigley. It features a whole bunch of funny sayings and images and lots of animals. I believe they were screen-printed.

I had my eye on this book at my local bookshop for months before it went on sale and I bought it. I was so excited. I read the whole thing that night.

It is important to me because it was the first book I bought as part of my design and creative practice.

I see this book every day and am constantly flipping through it for inspiration for colours, images, styles, copy-writing, etc. I think it is so funky and fun and is a good reminder that it doesn't need to be perfect - mistakes and scribbles can make something more beautiful.

ELEMENT 11:

Name: Hands

These are my hands. My own hands.

These hands have informed and created everything that I have ever produced, so they are obviously very special to me.

My hands are integral to my creative practice because my preferred techniques are around making things, physically.

ELEMENT 12:

Name: Yarn

Blue, acrylic yarn; 8 ply.

I bought this from Spotlight a couple of months ago when I should have used the yarn I already have. It is not great quality yarn as it is made form acrylic (basically plastic) so will not be used for special projects.

It is not that important to me but it is integral to a bunch of the creative things I do. Without yarn, there is no crochet.

ELEMENT 13:

Name: Film Camera - SLR

This is a Canon EOS 250. It has a silver body with a plain black and grey neck strap.

I got this from TradeMe for $20, and I fit one of my dad's old lenses onto it.

This was my first ever film camera, and even among the several ones I bought in the two years after, it is still my most trusted.

This is where I lean into the photography side of my creative practice.

ELEMENT 14:

Name: Film Camera - Point-and-Shoot

This is my only other film camera that works absolutely perfectly. All my others, other than the EOS 250, has something wrong with it.

I bought this when I was solo travelling in Thailand so it reminds me other.

It is significant because it is my trust point-and-shoot, and it handy on more low-key occasions where I don't want to carry around a larger camera.

Both film cameras are kind of odes to an older creative practice I used to do a lot (film photography). Unfortunately, it is not something I can do much anymore because an international film shortage has sent film prices sky-rocketing.

ELEMENT 15:

Name: Sketchbook

This is a hand-made sketchbook consisting of scrap paper I found in the bindery.

I made this myself when Fleur showed me how to bind it simply in the bindery at AUT.

It is significant to me and my practice because it represents my learning of a new practice, a new method and strategy. It is a physical, hand-made creation that refers back to my preferred design practices.

ELEMENT 16:

Name: Humpty Dumpty Necklace

This is a silver locket necklace that opens and has space for two tiny photos. On the front it has a mini Humpty Dumpty and on the back it says 'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall'.

I received this necklace when I was quite quite young from my parents. I would have been around the age of 5-7 years old.

This is important to me because I have had it for such a long time. I wear it every day.

It is relevant to my creative practice because it reminds me to find meaning in everything, or at least that more treasured projects are those that provoke feelings and are emotive.

ELEMENT 17:

Name: Photo Holders

2 white photo holders, one a shell and one a starfish. They both start with a white wooden box to hold it upright, then two wire sticks that have a shape at the top with a magnet to hold a photo in.

These were also in my room at my grandparents' cottage in Canada. I am pretty sure my grandmother put them there.

They are important to me because they currently hold special photos of both sets of grandparents. They are in my room on my shelf.

They bring a sense of simplicity to my creative practice. Things that have a function allow other things to shine and be heroed.

ELEMENT 18:

Name: Baggu Laptop Sleeve

A puffy laptop sleeve from the brand Baggu. It is a rich purple-pink colour with dark green smiley faces on it.

I bought this online after becoming obsessed with this brand (I had a bag from them that I still use every single day).

It is important to me because it comes literally everywhere with me, especially to uni.

It is significant to my creative practice because a) it truly is protecting all the work I do for both uni and personal projects, and b) I have often come back to the design for colour and pattern inspiration.

ELEMENT 19:

Name: Apple

This is a red Jazz apple.

I got it from my local New World.

I love apples.

This is one of my go-to snacks while I am down the rabbit hole in creative practices and projects.

ELEMENT 20:

Name: Earphones

White Apple earphones with the wire.

I got these with the iPhone I got before the one I have now.

They are super trusty and I bring them everywhere.

These are integral to my creative practice because I often am listening to music or a podcast while I create.

[why4anne]

She fell first...

Pairing: Ethan Edwards x reader

Word count: 3.2k

Category: angst

Summary: After years of having a crush on Ethan all your dreams are crushed as he introduces his new girlfriend to you.

Warnings: unrequited love, underage drinking, not proof read

Requested: Yes/No

Note: Hi guys! I know it took me a while to write this. I’ve been quite busy with school but here it is! I hope you enjoy it!

Part 2

Masterlist

Y/n pov:

You still can’t pinpoint the exact moment you fell for your best friend. Maybe it was when you were 9 years old and he helped you up from the sand on the playground after you fell from the monkey bars. Maybe it was when you were 14 and he offered to help you with your homework because he knew you were a lost cause in math. Or maybe it was when you were 16 and he came to pick you up in his new car right after he got his driver’s license. All you know is that now, in your freshman year of college, you are completely and utterly in love with your Ethan Edwards.

You often found yourself stealing glances of him during class or during your study sessions in the library. You swear you can get lost in those brown eyes for what feels like hours on end, and that smile can make your stomach erupt with butterflies in a second. Still, you know that the feelings are not mutual. In all these years he had not shown one single sign that he feels the same way and it kills you just a little bit every time you see him flirting with a girl at a frat party.

That leads you to where you are now. Watching him push his tongue down the throat of a beautiful brunette. The worst part is that you helped him hit on her. During all these years of being best friends you had somehow managed to get yourself promoted (or demoted rather) to wing woman. It was the same thing at every single party you went to. He would come and pick you up from your dorm to drive you to the party. Sometimes he brought some of his teammates with him but you were always riding shotgun. You would arrive at the party, taking on the role of designated driver for the night as you were not the biggest fan of alcohol and then he would find a hot girl who he wanted to pursue. After he had chosen this girl it was your turn to get to work. You would go up and talk to her and after an appropriate amount of time Ethan would show up. You would then introduce them and he would start flirting and much to your dismay this worked every single time.

“You okay?” Audrey asked as she plopped down on the couch beside you. The look of pity in her eyes made you feel embarrassed by your staring.

“Yeah totally! Just stressing about the upcoming paper due next week.” You lied, trying to get yourself out of this confrontation. Audrey gave you a knowing look but said nothing about it. Instead she chose to change the subject.

The two of you fell into a comfortable conversation that lasted for a good while before you felt a presence behind you. Leaning your head back you were met with the beautiful face of Ethan. Before you could swoon more he jumped over the headrest and sat down beside you. He rested his arm on your shoulder and got comfortable. He often did that, touching you for no apparent reason, and everytime you were turned into a giddy middle school girl all over again. With time you have become better at hiding the big fat crush you had on him but moments like this always seemed to throw you right back to square one.

“Good job earlier. You’re like the best wing-woman in history.” He praised you as he half shouted in your ear in order to talk over the music.

“Yeah. She seemed pretty into you.” You felt deflated as you said it. Every single time you thought that maybe, just maybe he felt a little something for you too he just had to remind you that he just saw you as his best friend.

“Hey, what's the matter?” He asked, concern coating his voice.

“Nothing, just tired.” You lied.

“Come on! Let’s get you home.” He said as he stood up and extended his hand for you to grab. You took it and he pulled you up from the couch. You didn’t feel the need to argue after all these years he still insisted on putting your well being first.

“Shouldn’t I be driving?” You questioned him as he got into the driver's seat.

“I only had one beer like three hours ago. Got a bit busy, eh. Besides you’re tired, you should rest.” He answered as he turned on the engine.

“Yeah I guess.” You wanted to go home and cry. Maybe even drown your sorrows with ice cream and a movie who knows. At this point you would do anything to get the aching feeling out of your chest. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, the only sound being the soft humming from the radio. What usually was a 10 minute ride felt like eternity as you stared blankly ahead, desperately trying to avoid eye contact. When he finally pulled up to your dorm you hopped out of the car as quickly as possible.

“Bye, see you tomorrow.” He said as you gathered your things.

“Yeah, bye.” You answered quietly and closed the car door. The moment his car disappeared you felt silent tears travel down your cheeks. Why did this have to be your life? Why did you have to be hopelessly in love with your best friend who didn’t even feel the same way back? It felt like some sick joke brought to you by the universe. Like, here is the love of your life, the only downside is that he won’t like you back and you will be forced to watch as he tries to find love elsewhere. At least you were lucky enough to not run into someone on your way to your dorm. That would’ve been humiliating.

You unlocked the door and were met with the empty dorm. Your roommate was most likely still out partying. You got your makeup wiped and took off your makeup. Screw what everyone on tiktok says, you were too tired to care about doing your skincare routine right now.

After brushing your teeth you plopped onto your bed. The soft covers provided you with some comfort as you cried yourself to sleep. For being the boy you loved the most in this entire world, he sure knew how to hurt you. Even if he didn’t know it.

3 weeks later:

“You are coming to the game tonight right?” Ethan asked you on the phone.

“Of course. Why do you ask?” You found it odd because he never asked you before. He always just assumed that you would come.

“Nothing, I just want you to meet someone tonight.” He answered.

“Who?” You asked. You had already met all of his teammates and their girlfriends so it couldn’t be one of them.

“You’ll see tonight.” His answer was vague

“Fine. See you and this mystery person tonight. Good luck!” You said.

“Thank you. Bye” The line went dead and you put your phone away. You sighed as you looked at the pile of homework on your desk. In reality you should stay home and finish it but you’ve never missed one of Ethans home games before and you are not starting now. This often led to pulling all nighters just to keep up but for Ethan, you would happily do anything.

After hours of studying your alarm went off, signaling for you to start getting ready. You gathered your notes and books and went to take a shower. When you returned to your dorm you put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. Then you reached into the closet for your Edwards #73 jersey. It was one of his old jerseys that he gave to you at the beginning of the year. You can still remember the blush that adorned your cheeks when he gave it to you. The jersey was too big for you but you didn’t care. It might seem silly but to you this jersey reminded you that no matter how many girls he made out with at parties, he was yours first. When you were finished you headed towards your car.

The drive to Yost went quickly and by now you knew the route by heart. The first time you drove there you got lost and had to call Ethan. In the end he sent Audrey to help you but you secretly wished it was him.

When you arrived you texted him.

Y/n: I’m here now, who do you want me to meet?

Ethan: You’ll see after the game. Meet me outside the locker room.

Y/n: Fine. Good luck!

You found it weird that he wouldn’t tell you who this person was but you shook the uneasy feeling out of your head and walked inside. You sat down in your regular seat by the plexiglass and watched as the boys started warming up. You waved at Ethan and he waved back but you could see he was looking somewhere else. You tried to pinpoint where he was looking but it was hard to do so in the crowd of students in blue and yellow.

The game went well with UMich winning in overtime, Thomas Bordeleau scoring the game winning goal. You had become good friends with all of Ethans teammates after being around them so much. You know that they’re all aware of your crush on a certain boy from Alberta but you also know that they would never tell him unless you want them to and for that you are eternally grateful. You met up with the girlfriends of the players outside the locker rooms. It was quite crowded but it was nothing you weren't used to at this point, the puck bunnies often stayed after the game in hopes to hook up with one of the players. One after one the UMich boys started to exit. After about 15 minutes you saw Ethans face emerge from the locker room. You went to give him a hug but a brunette beat you to it. You expected Ethan to push this stranger away but instead he hugged her back tightly. Your heart started beating fast and you had a confused look on your face.

“Y/n this is Laura, my girlfriend.” Ethan smiled at you. Your heart sank as words escaped from his mouth. When the girl turned around you recognized her as the girl you hooked him up with three weeks ago at that frat party. You could feel the tears behind your eyes just waiting to fall. You wanted to cry but as you saw the happiness on his face you tried to be nice. Any person who could make him happy was a person you liked, even if she was in the exact position you had dreamed to be in since you were a kid.

“Hi Laura, nice to meet you. I’m Y/n.” You introduced yourself with a cheery voice and a fake smile as you went in to hug her. You silently thanked your mom for forcing you to take acting classes growing up.

“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” She said back with a smile on her face. “Thank you for setting me up with this one by the way.”

“No problems. That's what a wing-woman is for.” You tried to joke and apparently it worked because both her and Ethan chuckled. You started playing with the sleeves of the jersey, something you often found yourself doing when you were nervous. Normally you were nervous because the boys were on a penalty kill or during overtime but this time you were nervous because you didn’t know how long you could go before the tears burning your eyes start to fall.

“Oh that reminds me. Y/n do you think you could give the jersey to Laura? I don’t have a spare one and I want the most important girl in my life to have one for the next game.” Ethan asked. That was like a punch to the stomach. You could only nod as you started to take off the jersey. As it went over your head you processed his words. You weren't the most important woman in his life anymore, he wasn’t yours anymore. You handed the jersey to Laura as well as that invisible title. She thanked you and pulled it over her head.

“Me, Laura and the team are going out celebrating the win tonight. Wanna join?” Ethan asked.

“No, I have homework.” You answered quietly. it was a wonder that your voice didn’t break.

“Alright, suit yourself, bye” He said and draped his hand over Laura's shoulder and walked away. You didn’t answer. You simply walked to your car. The moment you closed the car door you felt the tears falling. All you could think was that this was your own fault. What person helps their crush find a girlfriend. After you pulled yourself together enough to drive you started to head to your dorm.

When you opened your dorm you saw your roommate, Kate, sitting on her bed.

“What the hell happened?” She asked you as she saw your tear stained face.

“He’s got a girlfriend.” Was all you could choke out as another sob slipped. She was quick on her feet and hugged you in an attempt to comfort you.

“It’s going to be alright. Let’s just watch a movie and drown your sorrows in ice cream for the night.” She said with a soft voice as she led you to your bed. She put on legally blond and took out a pint of ice cream from the freezer. You stayed quiet during the entire movie and after it was over you cried yourself to sleep.

This routine lasted for a month before Kate snapped. All you did these days was go to class, avoid Ethan, eat ice cream, avoid Ethan some more and then cry yourself to sleep. You didnät even go to his games anymore.

“Alright! Enough of this. It’s time for you to get out of bed and show him what he missed out on.” She said as she pulled your blanket off you. “There is a frat party tonight and you are going and I will not take no for an answer.”

“But he will be there.” You tried to argue.

“Good! Then you will put on the sexiest outfit you own and flirt with another guy. Show him who is the boss!” You realized there was no chance you would get out of this one so with a sigh you started getting ready. “That’s more like it!” She exclaimed as you walked towards the shower.

As you arrived at the party you could feel the nerves start to build up. The first thing you did was get yourself something to drink. There is no way you would get through the night without alcohol in your system. The burning sensation of tequila going down your throat was oddly comforting. You put down the glass and prepared a vodka cranberry for yourself. You started to walk towards the living room as most people were there already. You took your usual place at the couch and started sipping on your drink. Suddenly another person plopped down beside you,

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Ethan's voice was loud over the music.

“No I haven't. I told you I was busy with homework.” You stared blankly ahead, not wanting to meet his eyes,

“Is it because I asked for the jersey back? It’s not so weird that I want my girlfriend to have one of my jerseys.” He asked, confused. This made you snap your head to look at him.

“Not everything has to do with you!” You said slightly irritated. Even if it was true you would rather die than admit it.

“It used to be before you started ignoring me.” He said quietly. You felt bad as you saw sadness in his eyes.

“Look, I'm sorry for snapping, I’ve been really stressed lately.” This wasn’t a lie. You had started to throw yourself into your studies in order to get your mind off him. The two of you fell into a comfortable conversation after your apology. The effects of alcohol make you feel confident. As you talked to him you saw a cute guy from the soccer team walk into the room. Your confidence levels skyrocketed out of nowhere as you turned to Ethan.

“Hey. Can you introduce me to that guy over there?” You pointed at the soccer player.

“What?” Ethan exclaimed clearly taken aback.

“You heard me. It’s time for you to pay me back after all that time I was your wing-woman. You know, revere the roles.” You shouted in his ear. He nodded apprehensively as he went up to the guy and started talking to him. You made your way over, but not before you grabbed another drink.

“Hi Ethan there you are.” You exclaimed. “Who is this?” You asked.

“Y/n this is Sam, Sam this is Y/n my best friend.” You could tell Ethan wasn’t really pleased to be in this situation but you didn’t care. After all the times you had to swallow your pride and do this for him you think it was about time for him to be put in your shoes.

“What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Sam flirted with you right away. This might even be easier than you originally thought. As you took a closer look on his face you realized that he was actually very hot. Pleased with yourself you flirted back.

“Thank you Sam. You’re very cute.” You batted your eyelashes and smiled at him. You didn’t really know where your sudden flirting skills came from .You’ve never been a flirt. Sure you’ve had a couple of kisses with some random boys here and there and a couple of hookups growing up but you were often busy pining over Ethan to focus on other boys. As you and Sam started to hit it off Ethan excused himself. Sam made you laugh more than once and as his lips fell onto yours you kissed back.

“Can I have your number?” Sam asked as you pulled away. You hesitated for a moment. You knew you weren't ready for a relationship yet.

“Sorry but I’m not looking for anything serious.” You tried to let him down easily. Sam seemed like a really nice guy after all.

“Don’t worry, neither am I.” He answered with a smile. “Let’s just keep in touch.”

“Alright, give me your phone.” He handed you his phone and you put your number in it.

“See you around Sam.” You said as you walked away.

“See you.” He said back.

You made your way out as you texted Kate that you were ready to leave as she was the designated driver for tonight. On your way back you saw Ethan and Laura talking on the couch and to your surprise you didn’t feel sad. When you jumped into the passenger seat and waited for Kate all you could think was that maybe you didn't need Ethan to be happy.

[aetheternity]

How they simp ft the Aot boys

This is both Aot universe and Modern universe. I’ll separate them accordingly. 

(The charismatic simp): Jean  

•Aot verse:

☆ He's gonna become your friend as soon as he realizes he has a crush on you and he'll do everything in his power to stay by your side when that happens.

☆ He'll slide into the first available seat next to you in the mess hall and bring extra bread so that he can slide it onto your plate if you're extra hungry.

☆ If you spend a lot of time in the library he'll find a book similar to whatever he'd seen you reading before. (Of course he has to ask Armin what kind of books would be similar to your current choice.)

☆ And once he knows your favorite genre he'll head to the library late at night and grab a couple from that genre. Bookmarking his favorite pages so he can talk to you about it and you'll think he's super smart. (He's definitely fallen asleep with many books on his lap, chest and head since he started crushing on you.)

☆ If you have a hobby that's more interactive like sewing or flower picking he'll offer to carry your little basket or wear the thing you're currently stitching up so you can work better.

☆ And yes he did get caught wearing flowers in his hair by Eren. But it was because you'd smiled so fondly at him while sticking daisies in his brown hair. Giggling so cutely when they fell out. And he was gonna take that memory to his fucking grave regardless of what titan idiot had to say about it.

☆ And yes he did get caught wearing a skirt that you were fixing for Historia. By both Connie and Levi.

☆ Levi who went pale in the face and looked as though he was secretly praying for his own demise to come soon as he slowly closed the door and walked away.

☆ And Connie who laughed so hard he choked on his own spit and had to be helped to the infirmary because he was now coughing every time he breathed. So Karma ig 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

☆ He just has to touch you..

☆ Oh God he wants to. He's gonna find a way. Whether it's a little shoulder nudge when you're complimented during meetings by higher ups. Or pats on your back.

☆ If you confide in him about your lack of confidence before a mission he's gonna sit with you and talk you through your feelings.

☆ He does this thing where he leans into you when talking. Rests his hand on your lower back as his breath touches your ear. Whispers sweet compliments into your ear because you need that shit.

☆ And it's good enough to make your toes curl.

☆ Guides you by the wrist through thick crowds so you don't get overwhelmed or lost and sometimes you expect it so you reach out for him and the two of you end up holding hands instead.

☆ He's become your little nurse. Like of course he's worried when you get hurt but there's also the opportunity to fix you up. So silver linings 🙄.

☆ If you're allergic to anything he doesn't have it in his first aid kit. Sometimes you'll get like the smallest little bruise on your knee of some shit. And it's not even from training, you just happened to trip while cleaning the stables and now: thumb sized bruise. But he's like "I don't care, sit so I can clean it."

☆ "It could get infected!" He'll try to convince you but like no, no it couldn't come on now it wasn't even really bloody..

☆ If you just so happen to have extra chores he'll go out and bring you some water then offer to help. Or he'll just ask Levi if he can go help you.

☆ "Those boxes could be heavy." He'll tell the Captain. "We don't need anyone getting unnecessarily injured before the next mission." And of course Levi knows what he's doing and sends him to go help because he honestly doesn't wanna listen to this anymore.

☆ If you have back problems or even if you don't he wants to carry your bag. No you don't get a say in it. But you can go ahead and argue with him if you want to.

• "I just think it looks too heavy."

• "Jean, I'm ok I promise."

• "Ok how about this? Let me hold it for a couple minutes then I'll give it right back."

☆ Yeeeaah. You're not getting your shit back. He's gonna walk you all the way to your designated location and then put the bag down where you need to be for that time period. Even if it completely inconveniences him.

☆ And he won't tell you that he had a meeting that he's now over 12 minutes late to. You don't need to know it'd just worry you for no reason.

☆ He has adapted some sort of like sixth sense when it comes to you. Like sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night to pee and just so happens to walk past your bedroom door as you're reading a book on the floor or crying or something.

☆ And now he's sitting with you even though his organs are currently failing.

☆ He'll bring you a glass of water or tea or whatever you want. You want food? He'll find it. Want a book? He'll go get it.

☆ Sometimes he sits in bed with you and just lets you cuddle up to him or reads you a book as you lay on his chest listening to the unsteady beats of his heart. Unsteady cause ya know it's you laying on him. And yeah his face is becoming redder by the second but he can't stop staring at your sleeping face. Even if you snore louder than a titan stomping he doesn't give a single fuck.

☆ At some point everyone thinks you two are dating and they talk to you both as if this is the case but you're not! At least not until Jean finally explains that yes, he does have, "Feelings for you." Tells you exactly how long in fact because to him it's crucial.

☆ When he kisses you it's the type of kiss that makes you suck in air. He takes you by the shoulders, slowly looking for even the smallest bit of hesitation in your face and presses his lips to yours. When you pull away you're lightheaded, pupils blown as you look at him with stars in your eyes.

☆ "Oh.. wow." Is all you mutter.

☆ Good luck, you just fed his giant ego.

•Modern verse:

☆ Modern day Jean is more shy and reserved. He'll definitely try to become your friend but he probably has a lot less opportunities to get you alone.

☆ If you both work at the same place you're probably both confined to your own spaces and if you both go to the same school you might have separate classes.

☆ So here's what he's doing: finding anyway, shape or form to invite you out.

☆ He got an extra ticket to a concert. He'll just not tell Connie and invite you to come with him. Because you know.. you deserve a break after work right? There's a new restaurant opening near him? Cool he's already on the phone telling you their entire menu. (He might have memorized it before calling but he won't tell you he's reading off the menu.)

☆ Sometimes he might go to your desk and leave you something sweet or cute. Like candy or little desk ornaments but he's always too shy to write a note that has his name at the bottom so he settles for staying anonymous. His heart immediately grows three sizes when he sees you playing with the desk ornament he left or eating the candy while typing away at the computer.

☆ He'll look out your favorite band so he can find out when they'll come to the city where you guys live and buy the tickets. Maybe he stays up all night, what does it matter sleep is for the weak.

☆ Or he'll find out your favorite restaurant and go there when he knows you might be going so he can just happen to run into you. No obviously it's not creepy. 😑

☆ If he can't seem to connect with you plan b is to pimp out Sasha. He just has to connect with you! So he'll get Sasha to find out any useful information on you and report back or he'll ask Sasha to become close with your best friends.

☆ If not Sasha then Connie 🤷‍♀️

☆ Once he gets useful information that's when he steps in. Oh you have a presentation for school to work on? He's at your door at 10pm with snacks (that he knows you love thanks to Sasha), energy drinks, and information on the topic you're working on.

☆ I'm talking he brought papers full of information in case you need to beef up your slides. He also brought his own laptop so he can search up any information that seems incorrect. He'll listen to you as you talk about your project and give you feedback on your performance.

☆ This might take all night but he can't help his desire to help you. And of course he's not gonna tell you if he has his own homework to work on.

• "You think it's good? Really?" You'll ask as you close your laptop for the night.

• "You're gonna get an A. Especially since I helped so now it's guaranteed."

• He loves the way you snort and roll your eyes at him when he says this.

• "Thanks Jean, you're a life saver."

☆ If you hug him you might also need to help him up off the floor or bandage him up cause he's gonna hurt himself from the shock and excitement.

☆ If you have a work presentation or just in general need help with something you're doing for your boss. He'll dedicate as much time as he has open to helping you with that too.

☆ Need coffee before your presentation? He's running to the nearest shop. Don't really understand the project your boss gave you? He'll work you through it the whole night.

☆ If you happen to tell him on a Friday that something in your house needs fixing all of a sudden he's 'Fix it Jean' now he's telling you he can fix it tomorrow and the second he hangs up he's looking up how to fix a clogged valve or some shit.

☆ And Sasha and Connie are like, "Sir, what made you think you were a handy man??"

☆ He manages though. Brings like three books to your house and looks through all of them simultaneously. Thinks he messed everything up and is about two seconds away from crying on your floor like a toddler with a spilled juice box but he pulls through surprisingly. Has your shit fixed and gets a little kiss on the cheek.

☆ Which leads into him guiltily explaining the truth and telling you everything. From the trinkets to the tickets to now with this thing he nearly ruined in your apartment. But he's so relieved to see you're grateful for everything instead of annoyed like he'd been believing in his head.

☆ Now he gets a real kiss. And Modern day Jean is built different. He's so nervous to touch you like you're made of glass. But when he does he's got his hands on your sides, keeping you in place like you'll run. Your fingers delicately threading through his hair. Giving you the kind of kiss you don't wanna pull away from. You become so quickly attached to the taste of his lips and the subtle beats of hesitation still lingering on him.

☆ You wanna pull his tongue into your mouth. Keep him so close but he pushes you back. "I wanna take you on a date." He mutters with glassy eyes and bright cheeks.

☆ And obviously you say, "Yes."

(The informed simp): Armin

•Aot verse:

☆ As everyone has said a thousand times before. Armin is an informed simp. And within the first week of knowing he has a crush on you he has information on, your family life before you joined the Corp, your favorite food, your favorite color, your favorite flower, your hobbies etc etc.

☆ And every bit of that information is stored in his file cabinet like brain.

☆ When he found out your favorite color he wore it as often as possible in out of uniform situations. Even if it was just accenting the rest of his clothes he found a way to wear it somewhere.

☆ He skimmed through books that had information on attraction and started subtly complimenting you to make you notice him.

• "Hi, [Name] that jacket really brings out your eyes."

• "It's the same jacket everyone's wearing Armin.."

• "Oh.. yeah.."

☆ Sneaks references to things you like into conversation as often as possible. Because you know, right after a meeting is the best time to talk about how your favorite song is tied to the fact that your mom used to sing it to you to help you sleep?? 😃

☆ More power to him.. he's a little confused but he's got the spirit.

☆ He slipped flowers into your favorite books but it didn't really seem to matter because he was never there when you actually encountered the flowers. (But he did often see you talking about the plants with your friends and twirling them between your fingers) good enough.

☆ He found out ways to better help your digestion. You know because what's love if not healthy bowel movements.. cause like every other attempt made him look stupid so he looked through some books on foods to help keep your colon healthy. And he explained it over dinner..

☆ Safe to say the only one who thought this topic was at all interesting was Levi.

☆ He's absolutely bombing and he hates it. At this point you only give him shy little smiles and then just walk away. He knows you probably don't hate him but he hates that nothing is working for him.

☆ At some point Eren's talking to him solo and he explains that he knows about his crush on you. Following it up promptly with, "Why don't you just tell [Name] that everything you were doing wasn't to be weird, at this point coming clean is probably the only way you could still have a chance."

☆ And he hates it that Eren's right. But he marches right up to you when you have chores out in the stables because if he didn't he'd never say all the things rushing around in his brain.

• "Hi Armin." You greet with that smile.. that smile that makes his stomach tense and his heart want to burst.

• He breathes in before replying, "[Name], I.. like you.." You pause where you're getting water for the horses to see his sun kissed red cheeks. "Everything I've done is because I really like you.." He continues, letting out a shaky breath.

☆ A period of far too long goes by with neither of you saying a word and his blue eyes flicker up to you in concern. When you clap your hands together he nearly parts from his skin.

• "Oh! That explains the weird compliments and the stuff about my mom!" You sigh, slapping your head with a smile. "Oh thank God. Armin I like you too."

☆ More silence because 1. He didn't think you'd like him back and 2. Holy shit you like him back!! He's simultaneously having a party in his brain and melting into the floor.

☆ When he finally kisses you it's unsure. Makes you lean into him. Sweet but subtle like gentle breezes on a hot day. His mouth is closed and his arms cautiously wrap around your waist looking for any sign that you want to get out. But you don't. You just wanna keep pecking his cute little lips because he's so cute and everything he's done is so cute.

• "Finally." You guys turn to see Mikasa and Eren.

• "It's about time." Mikasa greets with a little smirk.

☆ And Armin is practically fainting trying desperately to explain that it wasn't what it looked like but his face continues to tell your little audience that yes. Yes it is what it looks like.

•Modern verse:

☆ Modern day Armin is equipped with an advantage.

☆ Fucking social media.

☆ He went to your page and found out your birthday, your family's last name, how many friends you have in real life. Shit if he dug around long enough he could've probably found your heritage portfolio and your social security. (Social media's a little dangerous sometimes..)

☆ So when he becomes your friend and gets your cell number (Another thing he could've probably dug up online.) He sends you things you might love at any and all times of the day. He spends every free second he has, from lunch time to the last hour he has before he really has to go to sleep researching shit you might like so he can send it to you.

☆ And modern day Armin is so sexy in how he manages to get you into a ton of situations featuring him, your cute little blond simp. Modern day Armin needs to write romance anime 😭

☆ He heard you like aquariums not only did he send you a website to get those tickets way cheaper but he also invited himself (telling you that he was already going). And planned to take you around the city to get your favorite food and any other activities where he could drop his extensive knowledge on marine life. Oh you love astronomy? No problem he was just about to go to the planetarium this weekend, you should definitely go along so he can take you to the planet's light show and stare at you instead of the stars.

☆ Oh your favorite movie is coming out? He had no idea.. he just happened to have an extra ticket to see it the day it comes out. Not only is it now free of charge to you for that but he's also already brought a bunch of your favorite snacks to line his backpack with. Even if your favorite snacks are from a different country he got them express shipped so they'd be there sooner.

☆ He also has weather apps on his phone and laptop so that he'll know if the weather changes even the smallest fraction so that he can take you anywhere else if needed.

☆ Yes he definitely has spent a shit ton of money on you but every time he takes you somewhere your face lights up so beautifully that he'd repeatedly slam his credit card on the table to buy you a plane ticket if you even hinted at wanting it.

☆ In this beautiful opposite world you definitely confessed to him. (You better for his pain and suffering.)

☆ He could've jumped for joy knowing his plans worked perfectly but he simply takes a deep breath, eyes full of contentment as he mumbles, "I feel the same way."

☆ When he kisses you it's with his thumbs lightly rubbing the small of your back. Chewing gum spit out only fifteen minutes ago so his breath was still perfectly fresh. Adding just enough tongue to make you arch and gasp into his mouth. And yeah, he read up on how to do that too. And now that you're his, he's gonna need two jobs cause he came to spoil. No you don't get a say in it.

(The interested simp): Eren

•Aot verse:

☆ Yeah I know this one's weird but let me explain. Eren's simping capabilities are so simple they can be so easily described as, interested.

☆ He legit figured out he had a crush on you and then about 15 minutes later he'd found out everything you'd wanna be if you lived to see the end of the war.

☆ It's so obvious he's simping hard, I mean man's was enamored by you talking about your parents workshop back home. 🙄 You know what I don't even think he was actually interested he was probably playing it up but lowkey disassociated

☆ He definitely gets made fun of for it on the daily too but unlike Jean he kinda shrugs it off.

☆ He's not gonna scavenge the earth for information on you. He's gonna let you tell him and he wants you to tell him. Tell him literally everything about yourself and you will cause he'll know if you don't.

☆ Sometimes he plays little games with you to try to figure out some kind of information about you on like a long ride back from a mission or something. It helps him ease the tension in his brain and gives him something new about you. Win-win

☆ He beat the fucking system by just getting you to talk about you and dropping things you both have in common into conversation. He really did better than Armin!

☆ If you have trouble during training he'll talk you through what you're doing wrong and help you work through your issues. If that leads to some touching well then that's just how things will go 🤷‍♀️

☆ The second he has your favorite color in his mind he's buying you a piece of jewelry with the same stone color. Yes this is him marking you as his and no you probably won't realize but the second you put it on in his eyes you belong to him. And now you can never take it off. 😃

☆ He has a little notebook (not for writing journal entries or anything.) It's just sometimes he forgets certain things you tell him and you pretend to pout when he asks for the information again so he writes it down in the notebook so he can read it and remember it again.

☆ There have definitely been instances on more than one occasion where the two of you would stay up all night talking. Sneak into the other person's room. Sitting on the floor together or side by side on the bed. Those are definitely the best nights because you get to show off your Eren trivia and prove you've retained just as much information on him as he has about you.

☆ Another scenario has presented itself in which you're the one who ends up confessing. Eren would come close cheeks flush with pink and whisper, the ghost of his lips on yours, "I think it's kinda obvious how I feel." When he kisses you it's with both hands cupping your cheeks. So hot against your face. Thumbs curving delicately over your skin. He's leaning into your lips over and over again. Recapturing them every time he pulls back but he also loves making you work for it a little, smirking when you have to strech to capture his lips again. Taking every bit of oxygen from your body. You kinda hold onto him with slightly shaky arms when he's finished. But honestly he's only finished for now cause he'll never get enough of your lips now that he's had a taste.

•Modern verse:

☆ Modern day Eren talked to you before he realized he was attracted to you and you haven't gotten rid of him since the day he realized he wanted you.

☆ He sees you walking to your next class or to the copy machine and he trots his way over to match your pace.

☆ When he's not with you, he's texting you nonsensical stuff he thinks you'll find funny. And when he is with you he's listening to every word you say with the dopiest grin adorning his features.

☆ Sometimes when you're talking he'll unsubtly lick his lips to see if he can make your eyes follow his tongue or he'll lean in closer, kinda crowding you a little if you're both standing. Speaking of crowding he pulls you into him by your hips if you just happen to be standing in the way and someone needs to get past you two.

☆ You'll never understand how much harder he falls for you when you look up at him through your pretty lashes. Hands slightly on his chest.

☆ He loves annoying you. Doing little shit like poking you with the eraser on his pencil or snatching your books from you when you're writing while he's talking. Cause he just thinks you should be staring into his eyes while he talks in the same way he does with you.

☆When he brings you dinner he always brings himself something to eat as well and he'll plop down next to you and ask you for details about your day. Smiling fondly at you when you complain about minor inconveniences.

☆ He loves your fingers so much. If he's not staring into your eyes he's looking at the way your thumb drags over your dripping boba/coffee. The way your fingers click perfectly over every key on your laptop. Every now and then he'll reach out for your hands massaging the knuckles because he just wants to touch them so bad. Bonus points if you smile at him while he does it.

☆ Not gonna lie it could definitely go either way with a confession. But it's probably more likely going to be on you unless he just so happens to accidentally confess while sleepy or drunk.

☆ When he kisses you, he cups your chin pulling you close, angling his tongue so it slides right up against your teeth. He softly hums into your mouth and you can tell he's at least a little nervous but his touch is so perfect. His thumb sliding over the edge of your lips as he sucks your tongue into his mouth. You're more than a little ashamed at the whine you let out when he pulls away. But the way he's blushing makes you feel at least a little bit better.

(The Childish simp): Connie

•Aot verse:

☆ Let's be honest, he doesn't know what he's doing. You know, cause you're his first crush.

☆ He's going to work extra hard to drop even the most random jokes and then look directly at you hoping you laugh. Just laugh cause if you don't he might repeat the joke again and that'd be uncomfortable for everyone.

☆ And when you crack a joke he's out here guffawing like it's the best thing he's ever heard. Like he'll legit pause all conversation with his loud ass laughing and everyone in the room is just like: 😒

☆ If he gives you gifts they're normally things he thinks are cool or awesome but every now and then he'll pick a flower and just randomly stuff it in your hair and when you look at him confused smile adorning your face he'll say, "It fits your face." And then awkwardly gesture at you. All you can really say is thank you.

☆ He practically crashes into the seat next to you at meetings. Jean dead ass started pretending to race him for the seat next to you and one time he tipped the chair over and fell on top of it, Levi made him reenter the room properly after he'd managed to stand up.

☆ He sometimes does that I'm not touching you thing to get your attention or taps your shoulder then looks away as you turn to look at him. He'll poke your shoulder a couple times until he's successful in keeping your eyes on him then he'll hover his finger over your head or shoulder until you roll your eyes.

• "Connie.."

• "I'm not even touching you!" He'll laugh

☆ He does nice things for you but they never really work out well for him. One time he got you a glass of water because he thought you looked thirsty and he placed it in front of you when you weren't looking. You turned from where you were talking with Historia and your elbow tipped over the cup spilling its contents all over your lap and meeting notes. He felt so so bad.

☆ One time you tripped during training and got a huge scratch on your leg and Levi stepped in to care for you. He asked Connie to go get the alcohol and in his excitement he ran back and tripped spilling the entire bottle all over the floor. Eren had to go run to the closest store and get more.

☆ At some point in time he walks into your room and sloppily pours his feelings out to you as you sit on your bed staring at him in confusion. His face is like beet red and he's breathing like he just ran a marathon. But you laugh and tell him you think he's adorable. You think he's gonna hug you when he pulls you in under your arms but he just holds your back super tight with both hands and swings you around till you can't stop giggling. His kiss is sweet a little sloppy cause it's his first but he's eager and cute as he pulls you into his chest. Probably bites your lip in a playful way and you can't help but lean into him.

•Modern verse:

☆ Modern day Connie is probably annoying the fuck out of you. He sends you memes all day! Put your phone on silent all you want you'll just come back to 40+ messages. And he likes to call you when he's not busy which means you're forever regretting giving him your number.

☆ He'll deadass go to the bathroom and face time you in the stall talkin bout some, "What're you doing right now?" And you're like, "Mfer what are you doing right now!"

☆ He takes any given opportunity to flirt with you and he's so goofy you won't realize he genuinely means everything he says,

• "I really hate your last name." He randomly says

• "What'd my last name do to you?"

• He shrugs, "I think you should change it."

• "To what?" You scoff

• "Springer 😘"

☆ And he calls you for the stupidest shit when he's at home:

• "Connie, what's wrong? You called me like four times in a row."

• "Which animals do you think would be the bitchest if they spoke human?"

• "Bye Connie 😑"

• "No wait!"

• "What?"

• "Send nudes."

☆ Loves to lay on you when you're sitting. Like he'll deadass drop his whole weight onto your back while you're sitting in your desk chair trying to work. He's just looking for a way to touch you and doesn't know how to express that.

☆ Yes he does have you in his phone as something crass and no he's not willing to change it. Most likely some shit like fat ass with a heart or Mommy/Daddy as a personal joke.

☆ And yeah you find him super annoying until this one night when he's texting you pics of his old family dog back home and he tells you everything about the dog's life from when he was a puppy to the day he passed and he shows you pics of him kissing the little pups head and holding him and things like that. The last video he sent was him crying while holding a framed photo after the dog's passing during Christmas time. And it's the first time you've ever been provoked to hug Connie instead of choke him.

☆ When the time finally comes for Connie to tell you his feelings you're in a good place to accept them and tell him you like him back. And that's when he pulls you in around the neck and gives you a surprisingly natural kiss. His mouth is parted slightly, hands gripping the back of your shirt a little as he keeps you close. He allows you to take the lead. Forehead warm where it's pressed against his. You both can't help but stay like that for awhile.

(The lowkey simp): Levi

•Aot verse:

☆ Rule number 1 you cannot know he is simping. He'll take it to his grave but if you're not oblivious you'll probably catch on.

☆ When he disassociates during a meeting his eyes get darker in the middle and he just rests his chin on his palm and stares at you. Doesn't matter that the meeting has been going on for more than an hour and he has yet to blink. He doesn't even know he's doing it. When he comes back down to earth he just blinks normally and looks away. And if no one tells him he'll honestly continue to do it. Sometimes in different positions, he's laying back in his chair head forward but his eyes are on you a couple seats down on the other side of the table.

☆ He picks up items whenever he goes into town. And I mean every. single. time. For you and he makes sure it's something you'll love and while you're out training he'll stuff it in a box and place it on your bed.

☆ He writes you anonymous notes with little inspirational words on them in places only you'll find them. But it's inspirational in Levi terms so it's shit like, "Stay alive for tomorrow." And "Don't look down because the sun is up."

☆ When he needs a break from work he just closes his eyes and thinks about you. Sometimes he does it just because he secretly loves that warm floating sensation he gets.

☆ Like Eren he'll trot up beside you whenever he can. But he won't say a word unless you say something first.

• "Hi Captain." You greet when he pops into your peripheral vision.

• Genuinely can not help how soft his eyes are when he looks at you, "Hello." He replies

☆ He'll find some reason to complain about the way his entire squad cleans their rooms so that he can also have an excuse to say he'll reclean them so that he has an excuse to make a bee line for your room first and be trapped in your scent. Taking your sheets off the bed and holding them to his chest, sweeping, getting that extra elbow grease on the windows so they're more spotless than even his standards.

☆ And of course because he doesn't want you to know he's simping hard for you he has to deal with you paying him the same amount of attention as the other higher ups which he hates with a burning passion. Like why don't you like him more? He does way more for you on a level that you can see. You should be more affectionate towards him. You talk to him everyday.

☆ I don't think I need to tell you Levi's shy so you'll be confessing. And you start by telling him you know the notes are from him because while Levi's intelligent he's also stupid. Like who the fuck else has access to your uniform clothes and would care enough to go in your drawers just to leave a piece of paper with the words, "Life is never so shitty that you can't at least better yourself."

☆ He kinda just lowers his head as pink soaks his entire face. And you lift his chin up to press a slow chaste kiss on his lips. He doesn't touch you. He can't bring himself to but he manages to kiss back. His irises so bright when you pull away. "Thank you Captain." You tell him before you leave. He's definitely genuinely worried his heart is getting ready to explode as he stares at the closed door.

•Modern verse

☆ Modern day Levi is a fucking mess. He doesn't know shit about having a crush and he knows it's you really early into meeting you but he's like, why them. He managed to spend his entire existence avoiding romance and yet here you are. He doesn't even know what he wants from you so sometimes he comes off a little more aggressive when he's talking to you.

☆ He stares directly into your soul when you're sitting across from him for any reason. You had to have had a crush on him first because he genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself.

☆ If you invite him somewhere he scoffs immediately following it up with a, "I'll be there."

☆ He rereads your messages whenever he's bored. And if you send him good morning texts he'll be thinking, morning beautiful angel. The one time you sent him a good morning text with a heart he analyzed it so long that he never replied back to you.

☆ The second he figured out how to use personalized ringtones he made yours something soft and sweet. Most likely with violins or maybe with a harp.

☆ A couple times while he was bored during a meeting or class he wrote your initials in cursive in his notebook. One time he wrote it on the front of his notebook by accident and had to throw that one away. Which honestly made him sad because he really liked how it looked.

☆ When you confess to him it's by accident and the way his face lights up is actually the most precious thing you've ever seen. He comes back down to earth slow and admits that he "feels the same." Under his breath of course but you heard and that's what counts.

☆ When you kiss him you instantly notice how small his lips actually are 🥺🥺 like you've stared at them before when he was eating and stuff but his lips are cute and so small. And he's so hesitant to kiss back. But then he does and you can kinda feel the tension leave him a little. His arms a little shaky as he supports himself. It probably looks like two middle schoolers kissing for the first time honestly. Right down to the sitting on the edge of the bed thing. But Levi's lips are so warm and he's such a naturally good kisser that you indulge for as long as you can.

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 6

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, some fluff, lots of angst in this part Warnings: Strong language, descriptions of stress and anxiety, fist fight Word Count: 7.7k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | You are on Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: Buckle up for some angst.

They say when it rains, it pours and Renjun was about to learn the true meaning of this expression.

Throughout his college life, Renjun had heard his share of praise from his professors who would tell him that he was gifted in a way not many artists were. But now that the career drives and job fairs had begun, Renjun learnt that at best, he was average. In the real world, he wasn’t ‘golden hands’ or gifted or anything like it--he was just one in a line of millions. Because in the bigger picture, Renjun’s competition was not just people in his school; he was competing with even better artists from even better universities that had even better skills and even better means. His design professor had very plainly told the class one day that out of all of them, maybe one or two would ‘make it’ in the real world, if they got lucky. So Renjun knew that if had to shut up anyone who ever doubted him, compete with the best and place anywhere solid by the time he graduated, he needed to land a stellar internship.

Not that his current internship was going any better. Renjun learnt that even small studios were a handful and that an internship basically meant being an errand boy. When he had taken on the job, he had fantasized about meeting exciting artists and maybe even helping the chief curate his best work yet. But more often than not, he found that he was sweeping the place down, and if he got lucky, he got to make a few calls to potential clients (who would yell at him before hanging up). 

And of course, like any self-respecting college that thrived on the student body’s mental health deterioration, the professors weren’t going any easier on the projects, even with the impending exams. 

On top of everything that was happening, Renjun had developed a constant tension in his neck and shoulders. Jaemin reckoned it was because Renjun was hunched over his paintings all the time as he followed the perfect lighting all over the apartment. You, on the other hand, reckoned it was because of all the stress.

“You’re just carrying a lot of anxiety on these gangster shoulders, Huang Renjun.” you had said as you kneaded your knuckles into his hurt one day as you brought him food. Lately, you had taken it upon yourself to make sure that Renjun was eating and staying hydrated through these pressure cooker times. Because when he was left to his own devices, eating would be pretty low on his priority list, simply because he did not have the time for meals. So you’d bring him a snack any time you saw him on campus, and when you didn’t see him, you’d get something delivered to him and if you couldn’t, you’d text him a reminder to eat. But as one would have it during end-of-semester madness, Renjun had received your food more than your company. Because truth be told, you were just as occupied.

Renjun hadn’t seen enough of you in what he was sure was now going to be a good two weeks running because you had way too much on your plate as well. Like Renjun, you too were swarmed by assignments and exams. But other than that, any time he did see you, you were ‘interview dressed’ for all the on-campus drives that were happening in your department. Renjun had come to wish you good luck on one of them and had seen how distracted you looked because apparently, you had pulled some all-nighters to prepare for this. Donghyuck had been the one to tell Renjun about this little bit. 

Because when you weren’t studying or giving interviews or working on projects, you were preparing to throw an end-of-semester party with Donghyuck. He had to admit, there had been moments where Renjun had been irritated that Donghyuck would know more about what was happening in your life than did he. But then again, who was to blame for that?

Renjun knew it was no one’s fault but his own. Because that’s the dumb precedent he had set from the very beginning--that he wouldn’t get too close. He was paying that price for it because somewhere along the way, you had begun to confide in Donghyuck more than in Renjun, though this development was gradual and subconscious. He supposed that since you had met him, some part of you had learnt that she was walking into a wall anytime things got deep with Renjun. And there are only so many times that people were willing to walk into walls before they learnt their lesson.

Renjun knew that you were always ready to provide emotional support. But he also saw that when you were the one that needed it, you were subconsciously turning to Donghyuck rather than to him. 

And because you weren’t doing so consciously, Renjun couldn’t even be upset with you. Who was he to be upset with you over it in the first place? He had spent all those weeks skillfully blocking you. So, just because he had changed his mind now didn’t mean that he could earn your vents right away. It would take some effort on his part and he acknowledged that.

But it wasn’t you hanging out with Donghyuck that bothered him. It was someone else.

Wong Hendery, it appeared, was always around you these days and for some reason, that really bothered Renjun. You had a lot of friends. You were just the kind of person who made friends wherever you went. His own friends were an example. Lately, any time he ran into his roommates in the living room or kitchen (since all of them were buried in work otherwise), they would inquire about you instead of him. You just made a lot of friends and that was a fact of life that Renjun lived with. And whilst so far, Renjun had been okay with all of them, he had no idea why seeing Wong Hendery around you made him feel some type of way. 

And in the strangest turn of events, he had even found himself subtly voicing this to you a couple of times. It had bothered him even more that you had never taken him seriously any time he brought it up. You had either been distracted or disinterested whenever this came up. Or perhaps you had very tactfully been avoiding the subject. You weren’t exactly the scheming type, so Renjun was sure it wasn’t that. All he knew was that at the end of it, he would just end up feeling stupid, because, well… it was a stupid, baseless feeling to have, whatever this was.

All in all, Renjun couldn’t tell what matter it was from the pillage that kept his mood sour these days. His failure in the job fairs, his increasing workload, the impending exams, his lackluster internship, or something else. He recognized that a big part of it had to do with not seeing you enough. He wasn’t going to be the idiot that denied that anymore. Since the party at your parent’s house, he hadn’t had a moment with you where it was just the two of you and you could talk about… well, the two of you. Not seeing you enough was making him sour, he knew that. However, not seeing you enough combined with the fact that Wong Hendery was around you all the time was probably pretty up there as a reason for his bad moods. 

The only upside in the end-of-semester times was that the damn virus seemed to be under control. Students could now more freely move about and a lot more cafes and parks had reopened. So, at the very least, Renjun could get a change of scenery whilst he painted or studied because he was getting tired of his apartment and the library and the damn studio. 

Today, he had just grabbed his things and sent you a very persuasive text, because really, enough was enough. Yes, you were both very busy. Yes, you didn’t have any time today. But you could at least give him one study date out in the sun, and finally, for the first time in two weeks, he had felt that happiness in his chest when you told him you’d come.

The two of you sat by the river as Renjun sketched and made notes and you typed away on your laptop. Your hair was done up in a bun and you wore the campus hoodie and you didn’t even look up from your work when Renjun leaned over to feed you some rice. It had made Renjun smile. You looked like every boy’s fantasy of a college girlfriend but thinking about it also made his heart a tiny bit heavy. Because after all this time, the two of you still hadn’t had that conversation. Come to think of it, the two of you hadn’t even kissed ever since that afternoon in the strawberry fields. And maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t sat with you like this in a couple of weeks, or maybe it was seeing you share your time with other people. But Renjun felt that he had to address the some elephant in the room sooner rather than later. Because he didn’t want a some relationship any longer. He wanted more.

“No one’s going to be happier than me when this semester is over.” you mutter as you chew onto whatever Renjun had fed you.

“You and me both. Let’s celebrate our freedom together when it ends.” Renjun suggests as he sits up to stretch his neck. 

“Done deal.” You look up from your laptop to give him a fist bump.

“Hey, I was thinking…” Renjun hesitates. “Let’s go somewhere together. After the semester is over.” He feels butterflies in his stomach even as he asks you that. And he knows why. Because this is the first time he’s asking you for a real date, where he wants to take you out for your company, no opportunistic strings attached. But also, he wants to take you away from everyone else where he would have all of your attention and he could finally tell you how he really feels.

You smile as you shuffle your notes. “Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere. We could go to the beach and go mudflat fishing. If that’s not your thing, we could go camping instead.”

You finally look at him and smile an undistracted, attentive smile. “I’d like that.”

Renjun looks at you softly as he returns your smile. “My exams end before yours. Let’s go right after your last exam.”

“Oh, I can’t go then.” You say, shaking your head quickly.

“Why?”

“Haechan and I are hosting the end-of-semester, remember?” you remind him and Renjun holds himself back before he could exhale over ‘Haechan and I’.

“Okay, how about the day after?” Renjun asks.

“I can’t go then, either. Hendery and I have to go visit the tower.” you tell him.

This time, Renjun can’t hold back. Because ‘Hendery and I’ was way, way worse than ‘Haechan and I’. Before he could stop himself, he finds himself commenting

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Wong Hendery, huh?” he hadn’t meant for that hint of accusation to lace his tone, but it had come out that way.

“Ughhhh, tell me about it. He says he’d basically be happy never seeing me again once all of this is over.” you say as you steal his bowl of rice and begin stuffing your face. Renjun feels that irritation again because as always, you seem to be blowing this topic off. But for some reason, he doesn’t want to let it go today.

“I just don’t trust him.” Renjun says and he finds himself clenching his jaw a little.

You look at him from above the rice and smile amusedly. “Why though? He’s a cool dude.”

“I don’t know. There’s just something about him. I just… I don’t know, I guess it’s a guy’s instinct.” he says, and like anytime he has brought up this subject before, he’s feeling incredibly dumb.

You raise an eyebrow and look away from him. You don’t seem very impressed by the comment. “Nah, he’s super cool and all of that. You can meet him if you like.” you say in a tone that is way too nonchalant for Renjun’s liking. 

He had met him before, of course. But he didn’t know Wong Hendery even if he did know Wong Hendery. So how could he tell you that the man was bad news based on just a feeling? ‘He’s using you! Why don’t you see that he’s using you!’ Renjun wanted to yell at you. But he says something else. 

“Just, like… I don’t know. He just seems mysterious and unsharing.” Renjun tries to explain.

“So are you.”

There is a moment of silence as Renjun feels a sting and you look at him with no expression. 

You were right. 

Renjun hadn’t shared anything about himself with you. The things you knew about him was information you had probably collected through his friends. The only time he had really opened up to you was that one night in his room. Suddenly, more than irritation, he feels angry with himself. 

What a stupid, stupid, stupid idea it had been to set those dumbass rules with you. How had he expected it would pan out? How did he think he could use you as a means to an end, but not learn anything about you or give away anything about himself? He hadn’t thought this through at all. Then again, he hadn’t expected for it to go on this long; and he most certainly hadn’t expected that he would end up falling for you.

“I just… I don’t trust him around you.” Renjun admits and this time, he has the decency to sound a little ashamed.

“I know how to take care of myself, Renjun.” you tell him quietly.

Renjun looks away because for the first time since he’s known you, you’ve spoken to him that way. He wants to scream and pull his hair because no. You don’t. You don’t know how to take care of yourself. How could he tell you that you weren’t the best judge of character? How could he tell you that you allowed people around you to take advantage of you? 

‘It’s why you’re sitting here with me’ Renjun thinks with another sting. He knew Hendery was up to no good with you because he himself had been one of those people that used you for their own gain. He had used your kind heart and your willingness to see the good in people for his own stupid plan. The stupid, dumbass, flawed plan that he hadn’t thought through in the slightest. He had thought he had, because Renjun always assumed he was smarter than everyone in any room. That was probably his dumbest yet most defining trait; as kindheartedness was yours.

As if to add insult to injury, your phone rings and Wong Hendery’s name shines cockily onto your screen, mocking Renjun in all its glory.

“Hey, are you here?” you say as you pick up. You look around till you spot him and wave at him “Okay, coming!”

Renjun looks to where you had signaled and sees Hendery in his bigass car. He notices Renjun looking, waves at him and smiles. 

Renjun’s eyes close and he takes in a deep breath as you begin collecting your things. He doesn’t know why he’s being this way. He had been jealous before; he was an openly bitter person, that much he knew about himself. He despised every other asshole that did better than him. But this was a kind of jealousy he had never really experienced before. He wanted to protect you, but he also wanted to keep you… because now, he could feel you slipping away from him. 

“I’ll call you, okay? Make sure you eat dinner.” your voice sounds a little resigned and suddenly, Renjun feels his heart drop. It’s a strange feeling, but there it is in the pit of his stomach. Renjun realizes that the feeling really closely resembled fear. And it’s because you’re leaving like this. 

Had this been your first fight? Maybe it had. It hadn’t felt like a fight, because Renjun has fought with a lot of people before, and this was nothing like that. There was no screaming, no gaslighting, no accusations. But it was the tone you had taken with him. Like you were disappointed. Like you expected better. You had never taken that tone with him before. So as you stand up to walk away, Renjun grabs your hand. He looks up from where he sits.

“Hey…” his heart is sinking, he has this awful feeling in his chest and now he no longer knows what to say to keep you. So he brings your knuckles to his lips and presses into them for a few moments before he looks back at you. “Are we good?” He wants to kiss you, he wants to take you in his arms and kiss you and know that nothing has changed. But he knows that Wong Hendery is sitting right there and he doesn’t want you to think that he’s putting on a show of jealous, testosterone fueled possession. 

He watches as your face softens. You crouch so your face is levelled with his. You keep holding your bag that’s slung over your shoulder with one hand. With the other, you gently hold onto his cheek and lean in to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“We’re good.” you say and you smile and then you lift back up to turn around.

Renjun watches unmoving as you walk away from him and drive off with Wong Hendery. He keeps watching till the car makes a turn and disappears from view.

Though you had told him that you were good, that sinking feeling hasn’t left his chest. Because Renjun realizes that what you had done had felt a lot like a goodbye kiss.

Renjun doesn’t get time to dwell on his aching heart too much, because soon after, exams begin. 

It is as if a lull had taken over the entire campus. Everyone around him had their heads down as they studied and slept and slept to study. Jeno and Jaemin had taken over the living room table as they crammed and kept each other awake through their all-nighters. Jisung would try to take some motivation from them but the boy had never been too fond of studying, so he’d end up asleep on the couch whilst Jeno and Jaemin took the floor. Even Donghyuck--who had insofar made it through college based on pure intelligence--could be seen bent over his notes in the library. For a week, each student on campus had a similar schedule; like someone had hit the pause button on everything else in life.

Perhaps it had been the exam stress. Perhaps it was everything that was happening culminating in Renjun’s mind, but that sinking feeling hadn’t completely dissipated from his chest. He had no way to explain what it was or why it was. But if Renjun had to describe it, it was as if a sixth sense was warning him. What the warning was about, he had no idea.

But as fate would have it, Renjun’s hardships were only beginning. Because right before his first exam, he had received a call from his mother. 

He had picked up because this had been maybe her third phone call to him this entire year. But two minutes into the call, Renjun wished he hadn’t. 

Questions were asked as if out of duty: if he was still in school, if he was still living with his friends, if he was looking for a job. And though Renjun hadn’t even asked for it--how she couldn’t send him money for the next couple of months because the Covid situation wasn’t doing any wonders for their restaurant. Although the conversation hadn’t even lasted a full 10 minutes, Renjun’s mind was fully fucked by the end of it. Why the fuck did she have to play with his head like this, just when he was about to go in for an exam? 

He shouldn’t have been surprised. His mother had a way of sensing any time her son was emotionally strained, because she would always show up right on time to add to his burden. This is how it had been most of his life. She would appear usually when Renjun was at his lowest and remind him that he was a useless fucker that nobody cared about. And because she was his mother, she knew exactly what buttons to press to positively fuck him over. 

Fuck this. None of it was fair. It wasn’t fair that she had called him after months and months. It wasn’t fair that she didn’t even want to know how he was doing. A global pandemic had turned the world upside down and she didn’t even want to know if her son was surviving through it. She just wanted to call to give him another reminder that she couldn’t take care of him. Fuck that. Fuck her. Fuck everything. Renjun didn’t need her or his father or anyone else ever again. Fuck all of it.

Renjun had hung up bitterly and that should’ve been the end of it. But for some reason, she had kept calling after that, which made Renjun throw his phone against a wall. Fuck that. She doesn’t get to call him to rub more salt to his wounds. He wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction.

It’s funny how when you’re truly feeling fucked, you tend to isolate yourself from the people who really care about you. And that’s what Renjun ended up doing following that phone call. Almost as if in self-sabotage, he started avoiding everyone and hid himself away. Because no way did anyone really need him, anyway. Renjun knew that even in his friend group, he was the one the others could do without.

Jeno and Jaemin had one another. They would babysit Jisung well enough, and when they didn’t, Jisung had Zhong Chenle. His housemates didn’t really need him, so hiding from them was easy. Lately, he had also stopped hanging out with Yangyang because he was afraid he’d run into Hendery. Lee Mark hadn’t really hung out with him ever since he joined the 127s. And Donghyuck… well, he had you. 

So even you could do without him. You had been doing just fine without him these past couple of weeks. You had still been bringing him snacks, even after that study date. But Renjun wondered if that was because of your bad, kind habit rather than anything else. Truth be told, Renjun didn’t want your snacks anymore. Because each time he got them, it reminded him that he was nothing special to you. He wasn’t any different to you than Jaemin or Jeno or Donghyuck. He was just another guy that you were kind to out of habit. Fuck that. He didn’t need your kindness, or anyone else’s. He was fine on his own.

But on the night after his last exam, he finally picked up the phone he had thrown and read his messages through his cracked phone screen. Just to see if someone missed him. As expected, no one did. But there were some messages from you.

‘Hey shoulder gangster, remember to put on pain patches before you sleep!’

‘I ordered some chicken for you guys, eat well and study well.’

‘Hey, I tried calling you. I had gotten you coffee, but I couldn’t find you so now hyuckie is drinking it.’

‘Ayo. I hope your exam went well. Sending some Chinese food over, so eat before you study!’

‘Hey, Jaemin told me your phone is busted. Idk if you’re gonna see this message, but just wanted to know you’re doing well.’

‘I tried to see you before you went in for your exam but Jeno said you had already left.’

‘Hey… I hope you’re not still upset with me. I’m gonna stop bothering you so we can both study, but I’ll come see you soon.’

‘Okay, I guess i’ll see you after exam week? Meet soon.’

That was the last of it. After that, you hadn’t sent him anything at all. Even you had stopped reaching out to him. 

It seemed that when it came down to it, no one would ever fight for Renjun. No one would want to find out why he was in hiding, or why he hadn’t replied. When worst came to worst, Renjun was always left to fend for himself. He was all alone in this world. 

Jeno and Jaemin would always know what the other was feeling without having to use the words. Neither of them had to explain to the other what was on their mind. They just… knew. When one was in trouble, the other would come running. When one was down, the other would pick him up. Neither had to ask; the other would just sense it and be there. Jisung and Chenle had a similar connection. 

But no one ever sensed Renjun’s heart. No one just knew when he was sad or upset or angry or in trouble. No one would pick him up because no one loved him enough to know his mind. No one had ever paid any real attention to him to know when he was struggling. No one had ever held his hand and taken him out of his despair. No one would even notice that he was in despair. Because he wasn’t anyone’s special anything. 

He had been hiding away for an entire week and no one had even noticed his absence. No one had called in to check on him. Because no one really needed him. Not his friends, not his family. Not even you.

They say when it rains, it pours, and Renjun was about to learn the true meaning of this phrase. Because just when he is about to put his phone away, he receives a text from his mother.

‘Renjun, I didn’t want to tell you this way. But you’re not picking up my calls. Come see me. Your father and I are getting a divorce.’

Renjun had never really been a big drinker. He’d drink some with the boys every now and then. But that was it. But tonight was an exception. Tonight, it was okay to turn to the drink. Tonight, he wanted to forget.

After the kind of day he had had, he thought that even his demons could give him a break. He felt drained. Like his mind was slowly giving up and his body was doing all the heavy lifting. Putting one foot in front of the other. Making him breathe in and out. Keeping his heart beating. It would be doing his mind a favor, drinking. His mind needed numbing, then maybe his body could follow.

He walks into the bar a broken man. And he wonders if that’s how all men are when they walk into bars. Maybe that’s why men who walk into bars make such good punchlines for jokes. He certainly felt like one. Because the people that should love him seemed to treat him like one. Who was he to think any better of himself?

He had made peace with the fact that his parents never wanted him. He had accepted that they were happy to get rid of him. Then why did he still expect their love every single time? What was it that made him go running to them any time they asked? Why had he expected that somehow visiting them would fix everything? 

Had he expected that they would sit him down and peacefully explain why they were parting ways? Of course, he hadn’t. Had he expected that his mother would cry and apologize for putting him through this? Of course, he hadn’t. Had he expected that his father would own up to his mistakes and call him his son? Of course, he hadn’t.

But he also hadn’t expected that neither of them would want anything to do with him after they parted ways. He hadn’t expected to be the collateral damage of a failed marriage that neither party was willing to own. He hadn’t expected to be summoned just so his parents could have a screaming match about whose son he’d be after they divorced. And that both would want to shift that burden to the other.

It suited them, Renjun thinks as he downs whatever the bartender had handed him. It would’ve been more unsettling to have made the trip to find something understanding and amiable. This was on-brand for them. This is how it had been since he was a child. They’d fight and Renjun would be collateral damage. This was the perfect ending to their twenty-one year old saga. Renjun had expected it.

So, why was he feeling like he had lost everything?

“Huang Renjun?” he hears a voice call out to him as if from miles away. Was he drowning? Then why did he feel like he couldn’t breathe? Why did the voices around him sound like they were coming from far away?

“Yoo Jimin.” Renjun finds himself automatically answering. He looks up and let’s his eyes focus and there he finds her. He smiles. Of course. Who else would’ve been the guest of honor in his pity party?

“What are you doing here?” she asks him and Renjun finds himself making a face.

“Drinking.” he says as he lifts up his shot glass.

“Did you follow me here?” she asks cryptically. Typical. Of course everything had to be about her.

“How would I know you’d be here?” Renjun says, looking away as he downs another shot.

“I told everyone at the party I was leaving to be here.” she says and her eyebrow is cocked as she comes closer.

“Party?” 

“Haechan’s party? All your friends were there. Weren’t you there?” she asks cautiously.

Ah, yes, the party. The end-of-semester party. Here he was, drinking his pain away. And his friends, the people who should be concerned about him were partying. It was all very fitting he supposed. This perfectly fit into everything in his life at this moment. Including the fact the Yoo Jimin had been the one to find him when he was at his lowest.

“I didn’t feel like a party.” Renjun replies.

Jimin scoffs. “Typical. Of course Huang Renjun thinks he’s above a party everyone would enjoy.”

Renjun doesn’t answer. It’s an annoying remark and part of him wonders why it is irking him so. His heart was burdened by bigger things. Perhaps his mind thought that being annoyed at Yoo Jimin was an easier emotion to address. This was an emotion he understood. It was an emotion he could process right away. So he turns to her and finds her sitting on the stool next to him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, because really. Why is she here, talking to him, sitting next to him?

“Oh, don’t worry, Renjun. I’m only waiting for someone.” she says, rolling her eyes and flipping her hair.

“You can wait for someone over there.” Renjun points to a place far away with his glass.

“Okay, you don’t have to be an asshole. I just came in to see why you were drinking alone while all your friends are at that party.” she says and now more than agitation, Renjun feels anger.

“Why do you care if I drink alone, anyway? You’re the one that broke up with me.” he spits out.

“Renjun, seriously, what is your problem? I’m only trying to be nice to you. You don’t have to come for me like that.” Jimin’s eyebrows are high on her forehead as she matches Renjun’s tone.

“Well, thanks a lot, Yoo Jimin. Thank you for your gift of empathy, but I don’t really need it. Not after everything you did to me.”

“Renjun! Seriously, what is it that I did to you? What did I do to you?” she raises her voice in agitation.

“Well, other than abandoning me? Pretending that you were happy with me then pulling the rug from under my feet and breaking up with me? Not even waiting a month before moving on?” Renjun spits venom right back. Who did she think she was, coming here and speaking to him like that?

“Jesus Christ, Renjun. Would you listen to yourself? Does it ever occur to you that you could’ve been the asshole in this relationship? That maybe I broke up with you because you were the jerk?” Jimin’s face is contoured as she yells at him. It’s good that the bar is relatively full, otherwise this could’ve been a scene.

“I was nothing but nice to you. I treated you so well and you treated me like dirt!” Renjun hisses.

“Renjun, that’s your problem! You only see the faults in others and never in yourself! But you’re not ready for that conversation, so let’s not have it!” she yells and turns away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, no, by all means, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about all the times I mistreated you, please.” Renjun mocks. He was already too used to being gaslighted by his parents. Jimin could join that club. This was already the worst day of his life. It couldn’t possibly get any worse.

“Renjun, this! This right here. You never respected me. You never treated me like an equal. With you, I always felt like some stupid, airheaded trophy. I always felt like everything I wanted was superficial and shallow and not worth anything!”

“And whose fault is that.” Renjun laughs darkly.

“Renjun, you can’t even see what you’re doing! You just think you’re so much better than everyone else! You think everyone around you is a degenerate and that you’re the smartest person to ever walk this earth. I can’t believe I let you treat me that way for so long.” Jimin’s hands go from balling into fists to animatedly helping her point. “Renjun, I wanted to be a model for the longest time. But I didn’t, because of you! Because every time I’d post a picture on my Instagram, you’d tell me it was because I love getting validation from strangers. Every time an agent reached out to me, you’d tell me how showing off my looks wasn’t going to be a long lasting career. You just never respected me or my aspirations. Because all of them were so beneath Mr. Intellectual.”

Renjun turns away. He pours himself another shot and downs it. He didn’t want a lecture. Who was she to show up like this and give him a lecture unprovoked? 

“If it weren’t for Jongin, I would’ve believed everything you ever said to me. That people would only like me for my looks. That what I wanted to do was superficial and shallow and that I would never amount to anything if I followed my heart.” she goes on and Renjun has had enough.

“Save it, Jimin. We’re broken up now, so what does it matter?” he doesn’t look at her. She could yell at him all she wanted. He wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

“I only came to you because I saw you drinking alone. And I know that’s not like you. I just wanted to see if you’re okay.” her voice has lowered significantly, but the agitation hasn’t left her tone. Renjun wonders if she has more to say, because he certainly doesn’t want to listen to any more.

“Well, that’s very kind of you, but I’m fine on my own.” he says coldly, still not looking at her.

Jimin sighs. “Renjun, when will you realize that the whole world isn’t out to get you? I know your family isn’t perfect. But you’ve got friends that care about you. You’ve got people around you that love you. If only you could stop being an asshole to them for one hot minute and see that.”

Renjun still doesn’t turn. Because she doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t know his life. She doesn’t know how alone he feels. She doesn’t know jackshit about what he goes through, what he has been going through. Who is she to comment on his life and stand there like that and lecture him? She didn’t know anything. Fuck her for making him feel like he was the asshole. The world was taking a giant dump on him, and she was making him feel like he was the asshole. Fuck that.

She grabs her purse and gets off the stool. “I’ve got to go now. I just hope you feel better. Whatever it is that you’re going through. Please don’t go through it alone, Renjun.” she says before she walks away.

Renjun feels a lump in his throat. How could he not go through it alone? Who was going to be by his side? No one. So what use were his tears? He wouldn’t let them fall. He swallows that lump away, and when it doesn’t work, he takes another shot. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He could just go home and sleep. Maybe that would work. The alcohol wasn’t numbing anything. It was just making him more bitter, but for more reasons than what he had come in with.

So he finds himself walking home. Putting one foot in front of the other. Breathing in and out. Keeping his heart beating.

He felt so alone. Was he the loneliest man in the world? He could bet money that he was. No one knew what he was going through. And that’s what made him feel most abandoned. But then again. Fuck that. He didn’t need anyone. What good were friends anyway? Friendships really meant nothing. Renjun finally realized that what he had were not friends, but connections. Because at the end of the day, that’s what this goddamn college life was all about. Making as many connections as you possibly could, so you could reap advantages from them later on life. All of his relationships were opportunistic. And realizing this was giving him the worst headache of his life. Like all the alcohol was thrumming in his head and blinding him.

He arrives at his doorstep, punches in his code, walks in and freezes at what he sees. 

Jeno, Jaemin, Jisung, Donghyuck, Zhong Chenle and you were all in the living room, drinking and eating and laughing. None of them had even noticed that Renjun had walked in. Because they were all too busy bellowing together. 

Suddenly, Renjun feels his blood boiling hot in his veins. How dare they. How dare they look like one big happy fucking family right in front of him. Renjun pushes back all emotions he’d been feeling and holds onto one: red hot burning anger. He heads in.

“Hey, hey! Look who’s finally back!” Donghyuck says mid-laughter as he finally notices him. “Come join us because Mark is passed out on your bed, by the way.” he laughs but his smile slowly fades as he watches Renjun’s expression. 

“You okay, man?” Jeno asks slowly.

The others slowly start reading his energy as well because his demeanor has gotten everyone’s attention. Renjun wants to pick a fight. He wants to fight with all of them for not being there for him. But he looks around for an easy target. Someone he can direct all his ruthless anger towards. And his eyes zero in on you.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun asks you urgently. Like you’ve done something wrong. 

“I just got you some food. We all thought we’d eat with you since you didn’t come to the party.” you say and you get up smiling and take Renjun’s wrist “Come, sit.”

But Renjun roughly snatches his hand away from your grip, making you look up suddenly. Your eyes are round, but you don’t look angry. You perhaps look shocked, but mostly concerned. And that makes Renjun want to hurt you more.

“You can’t just show up here unannounced. I didn’t invite you here.” Renjun spits at you.

“Hey man, easy. We invited her.” Donghyuck gets up and puts himself between the two of you. 

“Well, this is not your house, either! You can’t just invite her without asking me.” Renjun scowls at the boy.

“Renjun, I just got you some food. I just wanted to make sure you had eaten.” you say gently, stepping up from behind Donghyuck to speak to him.

“Y/N, you are not my girlfriend. So stop acting like it.” Renjun snaps and he finally watches the hurt he wanted to see on your face. He also sees Jisung’s scared expression and Jaemin’s disappointed one.

“I…” you begin “... I know… I just… I came here with the guys… I…” you begin, but Renjun yells again.

“You need to leave. You can’t just show up whenever you want.” Renjun continues and takes a step forward but Donghyuck holds a protective arm in front of you. Whoop-dee fucking doo. Now his friends thought he was some sort of a savage. 

“No, Y/N, you shouldn’t leave.” He says then turns to his friend. “Dude, what is your problem?” But Renjun keeps attacking you.

“These people are not your friends, okay? They are my friends. You’re crossing a line and you need to leave right now.” Renjun loves the reactions he’s getting. He loves that he has provoked every single person in the room. Because Jaemin has gotten up and taken your hand protectively whilst Jeno has joined Donghyuck in blocking you from his view.

“Hey, man. Easy.” Jeno warns. Jisung and Chenle watch this strange confrontation with worried looks on their faces, eyes darting between him and the others. Renjun can’t believe it. All his friends were protecting you. All of them. He was the fucking monster in this room, too. 

“Renjun, I just… I just came here to see you.” you say, but there’s no accusation in your tone. Just annoying, tiresome understanding. He fucking hates it and all his friends can see that he does.

After everything he had been through, after all his life was putting him through, he was the asshole, he was the monster once again. 

Well, then. If everyone thought him a monster, he should become it completely.

“Y/N.” Renjun laughs as he looks away. Then he looks at you with that sinister smile still on his face. “Y/N, the only reason I’ve kept you around for so long is because I wanted to get to your brother. So you can leave now.”

That did it. 

Because Donghyuck’s eyes have closed as he stands in front of you and Jeno’s eyes have widened. Jaemin just looks shocked as he holds onto your hand. As do Jisung and Chenle. But you.

Your face has hardened. He doesn’t see shock or disappointment or the kind of reaction that would’ve given him full satisfaction. He sees your stone face as you finally say something with a hint of venom in your tone.

“Well, in that case, Renjun, you’ve been wasting your time. Because I got you a slot with my brother right after our first date.”

Renjun stands speechless. 

He would’ve remained speechless if you hadn’t pushed past Jeno and him and headed straight for the door.

“Y/N!” Donghyuck calls out and goes after you. Renjun watches the others. Jaemin and Jisung have looked away and he sees nothing but pure disappointment on their faces. Jeno, on the other hand, is looking straight at him. Renjun looks back. Good. He wants everyone to hate him. This was exactly right. 

He hears Donghyuck barge back into the apartment as the door bangs shut behind him. 

“Dude what the fuck is wrong with you?!” He yells and Renjun finds himself shoving the boy, pushing him so he wasn’t in his space.

“What’s wrong with me? Please, Donghyuck. Don’t even pretend like you haven’t been using her the same way I’ve been. You’re not any better.” Renjun punctuates the last bit with another shove and Donghyuck grabs at his collar and roughly pulls him by it. Before it can escalate, Jeno and Jaemin rush forward to break the two of them apart. Jeno grabs onto Renjun, Jaemin onto Donghyuck, prying him off and creating some distance between the two. Jisung and Chenle look from the couch, mouths hanging open, visibly distressed.

“You didn’t have to do that, man. You didn’t have to be an asshole to her.” Donghyuck accuses as he tries to free himself from Jaemin’s grip and come face to face with Renjun again.

Renjun laughs bitterly. “Well, now that I have been, you can have her. Live your happy fucking life.” Renjun spits at him and he gets the reaction he was looking for because it makes Donghyuck lunge at him once again, making Jaemin tighten his grip and pull him back.

“What is wrong with you? You fucking asshole! Why do you think everyone’s out to get you? Stop acting like a little bitch and start acting like a man for once!” Donghyuck shouts and that does it. 

Renjun feels his headache blinding him. And yet, he doesn’t know how he frees himself from Jeno’s grip. But before he knows it, he has balled his hand into a fist and aimed it straight for Donghyuck’s face.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[hes-writer]

To You (4)

Summary: harry dates y/n to get closer to her best friend

Warnings: mild angst (what else lol), not a lot of dialogue for this one, and a bit of fluff

Word Count: 2775 words

A/N: I've had the worst writer's block for this series but then inspiration struck me at 2 am and I had the chance to write a lil sumthin sumthin for the next part :D

Read the full series in my masterlist (bio)

As I mentioned before, this story kind of goes backwards.

____

As self-deprecating as it is, Y/N couldn’t help but feel her guard lower with each fleeting glance at her phone. She didn’t mean to, really. It wasn’t as if she was bored out of her mind because she was the opposite of that. 

Going on her phone and tapping on Instagram was more of a distraction from studying if anything. She was hounded by piles of homework and pages of readings to do by the end of next week. It seemed that her brain was working in constant overdrive to try to remember the endless concepts and theories that were catapulted at her with no signs of stopping. Her eyes were straining from the constant stimulation from her laptop screen, and from trying to read the small letters plastered on the computer. 

Y/N was studying on her designated studying days, as usual. She was quite proud of sticking to the schedule, except for the few weeks that she opted to coddle herself in the confines of her warm blanket because that was around the time that she found out her boyfriend, Harry, was only using her to get close to her best friend, Louise. 

——

In retrospect, Y/N should have seen all the signs blaring right in front of her face all along. She gave herself facepalms more than she could count by the way she was—quite literally—blinded by love to realize that Harry’s feelings were nothing but a façade. That Y/N was nothing but a pawn in his game; a character to manipulate, disposable in order for him to get the woman he actually wanted. And Y/N had no doubts that her ex-boyfriend was treating Louise like a queen. 

Y/N wore red-tinted glasses while she was with Harry and she didn’t see the red flags rising every time he shaped their evening around Louise’s schedule. She thought that Harry was making such a good effort in getting to know the people close to Y/N’s life that he insisted on having Louise around whenever they hung out with her friends. 

Harry asked endless questions about Louise; from where she worked to what she was interested in—to which Y/N had foolishly answered, believing that she had found the perfect man to share her life with. But she should have known when he didn’t do the same for her other friends. Hell, he didn’t even do the same to her!

___

When Harry and Y/N were just friends, he didn’t bother getting to know her as thoroughly and comprehensively as he did with Louise. In fact, it could be argued that Harry hated Y/N when they were first introduced by—and this was ironic—Louise! 

Louise spoked highly and excitedly of ‘my friend, Y/N’ and with Harry being the loved-up simp that he was—wanted to please Louise by appearing interested in her friend. He guessed that he was probably too good of an actor (not to toot his own horn) because that meet up turned into a set-up. 

Louise had planned a date for her friends, Y/N was indifferent to it; she was even a little excited because she thought that Harry was sort of nice. Despite the fact that he was indirectly rude to her in their first meeting, Y/N didn’t hold grudges on people for their first impressions. She believed that anybody could have a bad day and that might just be the time when Harry was dragged by the arm to be introduced to her. 

Y/N understood if that was the case. She was not too keen on acting nice and friendly after a stressful day at work, or a hard study session at the library. So even if Harry was practically snarling at every word she said from his seat around the rounded booth table of the bar—she agreed to go on a first date with him. 

——

Harry was in shambles.

He got himself into quite an intricate mess trying to attain the woman of his dreams. He was such a pleaser that he was now contemplating inside his car, outside of Y/N’s address. Was this all worth it? Of course, it was. As much as Harry would like to say that this was part of his plan to make Louise his girlfriend, it really wasn’t. 

But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t use it to his advantage. 

It was a good thing that he was early—about twenty minutes or so. That was only because he was huffing the whole time Harry was buttoning the clutches of his dress shirt, shaking his head at the bathroom mirror and reprimanding himself for letting his lovesickness to get him deeper than he would like. But hey, the sooner Harry got to Y/N’s place, the sooner this ‘date’ would be over. 

So here he was, hidden in the shadows of the night sky and shielded by the heavy tint of his Range Rover. Palms were pressed on the lush leather steering wheel as Harry formulated how he could turn this around in his favour. He was already in Louise’s good books for even agreeing to this in the first place—why not make Y/N his own personal wingman?

Granted, that she didn’t actually know Harry well enough but maybe this date could reach Louise’s ears about how much of a romantic, perfect, and chivalrous gentleman Harry could be. That would surely make Louise like him, right?

Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

It was safe to say that Harry was feeling guilty the moment he decided to use Y/N in order to get to her best friend, but that ship sailed long ago when anger and frustration took over. Why in the hell was he so perfect to Y/N’s eyes that she had gushed about him to her best friend minutes after he had dropped her off?

Why did Harry have to knock on her door with a single-stemmed rose clutched in his fingers, doing a little bow to add humour when she opened the door? And what in God’s name possessed him to say that she looked beautiful that night in her pretty, deep green dress that he thought was absolutely gorgeous on her—but his heart was with another woman—fully knowing that it would look better on Louise?

“Why. . . just why,” Harry asked himself as he sat at a table with Y/N, Louise and her boyfriend, Dylan. 

That was what being romantic got him. That was where declaring Y/N as his unofficial wingman ended him upon. A double date with the woman he wanted with Y/N looking at him as if they’ve been together for years, when in fact, they had only known each other for a few weeks. 

Harry’s pride was too big to admit that this time; he couldn’t get the girl. And so, his bruised ego declared that this date was just another unplanned situation that would benefit him—somehow, someway—in the future. 

Wrong again. 

Because a month later,  Y/N was running off to her lecture with a bag strapped over her shoulder, leaving Harry a passionate kiss on the lips. He was quite ashamed to say that he enjoyed the affection, but not enough to ignore the throbbing of his heart

Harry wasn’t all in with his relationship with Y/N and he knew exactly why. For months, he had been pining for Louise and well, he ended up with her best friend, Y/N. Now that was just super unlucky for him. And he wasn’t usually a mean person, but Harry was very annoyed with fate (or destiny) for leaving with an ultimatum. 

First, leaving Y/N risking her tattling to Louise about him breaking her heart was a no-no. Second, staying with Y/N until she realizes that both of them were no good together. The latter was a much more pleasant choice, except the fact that it could take months for Y/N to acknowledge that she and Harry were both too different for each other. 

—— 

It was another four months later when Harry drew upon an epiphany very similar yet completely different from the ultimatum he had presided. 

Y/N was sure of her feelings more than ever, even dropping the ‘L’ word during a drunken stupor of wine and bubbly champagne. Harry was sure that she hadn’t remembered her confession the next morning because she never brought it up. However, those words that escaped her lips were enough for Harry to overthink each night one or the other slept over. 

Sometimes Y/N’s snores would serve as background noise to his serene imagination, wondering why the images of Louise and him doing couple-y stuff were now replaced with Y/N’s figure instead. 

He also pondered if his memory was so impeccable that he could hear Y/N’s laugh fluttering in his ears while she was sound asleep beside him or was it just because she released a chuckle every time he made a horrible joke?

(It was true. Y/N never left Harry hanging in the air with a questionable punchline of a head-scratching joke. Both of them knew that her giggles were pity laughs. Harry was thankful for it and Y/N just couldn’t resist painting a genuine smile on Harry’s face, looking so proud that he had made her laugh.) 

Harry was certain that his feelings for Y/N wouldn’t quite reach the threshold that he held her for now. But it seemed that he was getting a lot of his sworn predictions wrong lately. Sure, their first encounter (and the second, and the third. . .) were purely for satisfaction’s sake. A mere plot for Harry to build his boyfriend resumé for Louise. 

Harry wasn’t sure when his feelings shifted from civil and friendly to an ever-evoking, lovesick puppy. 

Maybe it was the way Y/N walked, straight into his heart and stole it, keeping it safe in her tender hands when she pressed a lingering kiss on his lip while she ran off to catch the bus. The way Harry would pout when Y/N forgot the routine she had set, resulting in him whining her name and sometimes chasing after her to get his much-needed kiss. He even started calling it his ‘good-luck charm’ because it seemed like without it; Harry came home more drained and tired than usual because nothing went right that day. 

Or maybe it was the way she giggled while reading something on her phone, laptop, or a book—even if it was for school purposes. How absolutely pleased he was to hear her melody of giggles, straining his ear to listen more closely and wanting to do nothing more than to hear it again because it was music to Harry. It usually ends with Y/N’s heaving breaths, begging him to stop tickling her. 

Was it because she was the most adorable little thing while she was asleep? No, it couldn’t be, Harry thought, even though the admiration in his eyes cannot be described as anything other than glazed over with love and affection with the way he stared at Y/N’s sleeping face. 

But why can’t he stop thinking about her when she wasn’t around? Harry felt like he was missing a part of himself as soon as he shut the door to his house because Y/N had to go to her own place. 

Why did a smile splinter his lips visualizing Y/N studying at her kitchen table with a topknot wobbling on her head and a pair of her thick-rimmed glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose? Harry still remembers the first time she asked him to redo the bun on her head, complaining that it was loosening and that she couldn’t focus when strands were haywire. 

Harry made sure to be extra careful as to not accidentally pull on her scalp, stretching the hairband around his fingers. 

Now, he only had a minute experience in hair styling, reminiscing to his long-haired days were he slipped his hair into a neat ball in a few seconds or less. But this was Y/N, his girlfriend, who had an adorable pout on her face. The finch between her brows deepening when she tried to understand the concepts written on the screen yet she would giggle when Harry would ask her, ‘Am I hurting you?’ and shake her head ‘no’. 

——-

So it was a bit questionable when Harry jumped at the chance to kiss Louise when the time came. 

She had just broken up with her boyfriend and called Y/N for comfort. However, Y/N was about to leave for an exam worth half of her grade and she couldn’t just not attend it. She may love her best friend with all of her heart, but not enough to waste thousands of dollars to redo a course because she missed the final exam. 

Hence, why Harry was sent in place of Y/N instead. And that was also how his plump lips managed to lock itself with Louise’s’ glossy ones. He should’ve felt guilt stab him right away when he tasted wet, salty tears on his tongue when he battled for dominance with Louise. 

Harry should have pulled away when his phone buzzed in his pocket; a message from girlfriend that she had just finished her exam and was ready to be picked up now so that she could give love and comfort to her best friend. 

Harry’s subconscious must have reminded him that this was the woman whom he had spent months pining on; desperately trying to make her his yet failing. And now that he had the chance to, he couldn’t stop. 

Instead of doing everything his conscience had practically yelled at him to do, Harry’s brain had buffered—his body numbed every nerve except the ones controlling his mouth because their persisting kiss was captured by a photographer hidden amongst barricades that Harry had failed to take notice of. 

Harry was sure that his presence was hidden to the best of his abilities, but he guessed that Louise’s hands had pulled his hoodie off in the midst of their make-out session, revealing his side profile and the unruly curls on his head. 

And that was how Y/N identified the image on her phone the time she felt her heart being ripped out and crushed into pieces. That, and the fact that Harry wore the same clothes she had seen him in before she left. 

____ 

And now, as Y/N paused her thumb from scrolling away from the image on her screen, the same pain and heartbreak still throbbed in her chest. 

She couldn’t seem to forget, as a lot of people say, what Harry did to her. Despite the fact that he was spotted outside her door, leaving boxed gifts of chocolate and flower bouquets a few minutes ago—Y/N simply didn’t have the capacity to sweep everything under the rug. 

The wound was still fresh—feeling air was enough to have her hissing, aiming to cover the cut in fear that it would become too painful to even ignore. For weeks, Y/N had to wallow in agonizing self-pity to remind herself that Harry didn’t deserve her or her love for him and now she was somehow ready to run back into his arms? 

She absolutely despised the way her hands twitched to send him a text. To leave him a voicemail or to simply tap his contact just to hear him speak to her again. Y/N was ashamed to admit that he thought about knocking on his front door just for another chance at seeing him again. An opportunity to ask him if he was happier with her (ex) best-friend—if Harry loved Louise more than he did with her. Or—and most of all—if Harry ever did love Y/N during their short relationship. Was everything just a game to him? 

She was doing good so far; she was strong enough to withhold from the urges of communicating with an ex. However, Y/N knew it was only a matter of time before Harry took extreme measures to speak to her, unlocking her door with the spare key she had given him. One day she would be met with his figure in the hallway with a sad smile on his face and three long-stemmed sunflowers in his hand and Y/N wouldn’t be able to resist him. 

Y/N hated herself for being so weak whenever Harry was involved. He was her Kryptonite; getting too close to him was what ripped her to shreds. 

___

Let me know what you thought!

____

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[everybodyscupoftea]

pursuit of happiness

college rafe x reader

three times rafe is denied and one time he isn’t

this is literally just 3k words of smut

pls let me go back to writing fluff after this, i beg

(warnings: cursing, smut)

Moving in with Rafe, Topper, and Kelce was the best decision you ever made. You’d met Topper freshman year and the two of you continued to hang out after the class you had together ended. He had to endure all your complaints about your roommate and how expensive living alone the next year was going to be because you had no intention of signing another lease with her again.

Then, suddenly, he provided you with an out. The two of you were sitting in the library, sipping on coffee, taking a study break, when he interrupted your latest tirade with, “My buddies and I have an extra bedroom.”

“What?”

“One’s name is Rafe, his dad owns the house so we get to live there rent free. All we have to do is pay utilities. We’ve been looking for a fourth roommate to fill that bedroom, so if you have no issues living with three dudes, the room is yours.”

Which of course you had no fucking qualms about it, so you responded, “God yes, when can I move my stuff?”

He laughed and told you he’d talk to Rafe and Kelce about it and get back to you. Of course, you were slightly worried about living with two guys you’d never met before, but it was an opportunity you felt that you couldn’t pass up. Pushing the worries to the back of your mind, you moved in and that was that.

Kelce was very chill; his room was across from yours and the two of you shared a bathroom. He was your designated drinking buddy, both of you being huge fans of Claws, and there was an entire shelf in the fridge set aside for the two of your’s stock. Kelce also heard all your school breakdowns and swore to keep them to himself. Sometimes he’d even leave a drink outside your door and knock to let you know.

Rafe was very flirty from the jump, and you were adamant you wouldn’t make things messy in the house by hooking up with him. Then, after several months of friendship, he started showing interest in you that went past sex, and well, he was cute. You decided to give him a shot.

It was great. The two of you managed to keep things chill in the house, not letting fights get too out of hand. Plus the separate bedrooms for a degree of separation if necessary. Topper and Kelce’s one thing was that they never wanted to hear two of their closest friends have sex. That was maybe easier said than done because Rafe really liked sex.

Because of that, one finals season, your most intense one yet, led you into a predicament. To be fair, you didn’t really realize what was going on until he finally snapped.

One

Your stats class had been kicking your ass all semester. It was boring and complicated and your test grades had been dropping every test, the last being a 67. After doing the math with your professor, he told you it was still possible to get an A if you managed to get an 88 on the comprehensive final because it would replace your lowest test grade.

You had been ecstatic, but of course, that also meant you had to reteach yourself an entire semester of stats in two weeks for the final. The kitchen was your favorite stats homework place, there wasn’t the distraction of being in your room, you could play your music out loud unlike in the library or a coffee shop, and it was close to the snacks.

The guys mostly stayed out of your way, preoccupied with their own classes and spring training for football, so you got the run of the house. One afternoon, he got home from practice to see you sitting at the bar in the kitchen, chewing aimlessly at a highlighter while reading about z-scores.

Lately, both of you had been pretty busy, and the two of you hadn’t had sex in at least a week. Rafe really missed you, and watching you biting at the highlighter had him feeling some sort of way. He pushed his sweaty hair out of his face as you took it out of your mouth to highlight some important formulas.

Replacing the highlighter with your bottom lip, you started working on it instead. He gulped and quickly fixed a glass of water to drink while waiting for you to speak to him. You could feel him watching you, but there were two practice problems at the end of the section you wanted to try before taking a quick study break to greet him.

Pulling your notebook across the counter to start working them out, you let go of your lip and subconsciously poked your tongue out a little. Rafe knew it was your focus face, and normally it didn’t do anything to him, but he knew exactly what that mouth was capable of and he missed it.

With a sigh, you pushed the notebook away after checking the answers and set a ten-minute break timer on your phone. Finally smiling at Rafe, you held your arms out for him to come give you a hug. He squeezed you tight and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “How’s the studying going, babe?”

“It’s going. I’m about halfway through the semester material, so just gotta keep moving along. It is getting easier to understand and I’m getting the practice problems right more often than not, so that’s good I guess.”

Rafe brushed some hair out of your face, “Told you that you could do it.”

You smiled, “Yeah, should’ve just put some effort in the first time around. Hindsight.”

Without realizing, you’d started biting at your lip again, and before he could stop it, Rafe brought his hand up and tugged it until you let it go. Just as you were about to ask what that was about, his lips crashed onto yours.

Letting out a surprised noise, it took you a few seconds to process what was happening and start kissing back. His big hands gripped your hips and lifted you up onto the counter for a better angle as he deepened the kiss, tongue slipping into your mouth.

Your eyes fluttered as his hand traced your kneecap a few times, and you put both of your hands in his still damp hair, pulling him even closer. Rafe groaned as you wrapped your legs around his waist and crossed your ankles, keeping him close.

His mouth trailed down your neck, halfheartedly sucking as his hand stroked up and down your leg, getting closer to your core with each one. Your head fell back as he finally traced you over your underwear, and before he could apply any real pressure, your alarm went off, startling both of you.

Ripping away from his lips with a gasp, you placed a hand over your heart in attempt to steady it and dropped your legs from around his waist. Rafe put both of his hands on the counter next to you and dropped his head with a groan, “Please tell me we can keep going.”

You squeezed his shoulder sympathetically, “Afraid not, Cameron. Now go shower, you reek, and maybe after, we can order some dinner and watch TV if I can manage to get through the rest of this chapter.”

He gave a little mock salute with another dramatic sigh before disappearing into his and Topper’s shared bathroom.

Two:

One afternoon, you were sitting on the couch doing some reading for your ethics class when you decided, fuck it, the weather was so nice, it’d be a good tanning day. Rafe was out in the backyard doing a workout, so you’d have company, and you could still do the reading.

You quickly went and changed into your bikini and grabbed a towel and some sunscreen. Rafe looked up from his pushups to see you standing there and smiled at you, “What’s up, baby?”

“Gonna come tan while I read for this final and keep you company.”

He finished up and stood, “I’ll be sure to show off extra.”

You laughed, “I’ll barely be paying attention. Reading, remember?”

Rafe winked, “You say that now.”

With an eyeroll, you sat down and held out the sunscreen, “Get my back.”

He sauntered over as you opened your book back up and picked up where you’d left off. Rafe squatted down, moving your hair out of the way, and started slowly rubbing sunscreen all over your back and shoulders. You groaned at the mini massage and before he could walk away asked, “Babe, can you untie the strings in the back, I don’t want a weird tan line.”

Rafe paused, hesitating, before slowly pulling the strings until the fell to your sides. He cleared his throat, “That it?”

“Yeah, babe, thank you,” you responded, blowing him a kiss, before refocusing on your textbook.

Unbeknownst to you, Rafe was utterly distracted by you laying there. Your skin practically glowed in the sun and every time he dropped down to the ground during burpees, he got a gratuitous view of side boob. You shifted, your top twisting to where he felt he was dangerously close to seeing nipple and he gulped.

After about 10 minutes, you finished the chapter and decided to roll over for a little break. You tried to get everything back in place and flipped over, pulling the top strings over your head to stop that tan line and shielded your eyes to look at Rafe.

He was already staring at you, or your boobs, at least. You quickly double checked to make sure you weren’t giving all your neighbors’ backyards a show, and then looked at Rafe again when you were sure you weren’t.

“You gonna do some more squats or are you just going to stare at me.”

Rafe shook his head and strode over to you, squatting down next to you, “Can’t focus on proper form when you’re laying over here practically topless.”

You pouted, “Too bad, I was enjoying the show.”

He laughed and bent down over you to give you a kiss, surprised when you linked an arm around his neck to extend it longer than the peck he had planned. Switching from a squat to his knees, Rafe put more pressure into the kiss, and you tugged until he moved over you more, one leg going between yours.

You arched up so his thigh was pressed against you and started slowly grinding. Rafe growled and started slowly rubbing off on your leg. Pulling away from his lips with a gasp, you threw your head back and he picked one hand up to push your bikini top off. One of your hands slid into his hair, tugging in time with his hips.

Just as you were getting close, the back door slammed and you heard Kelce’s exasperated, “Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?”

With a squeal, you grabbed the bikini top and covered your chest while Rafe dropped his head with a loud groan, “Dude, why?”

Kelce gave the two of you an incredulous look, “Maybe because you’re in public. The fence isn’t solid and we have kids living two houses down. Chill the fuck out, you horny bastards.”

Rafe sighed and pulled back, helping you adjust your top back, before asking, “Bedroom?” with a hopeful look on his face.

You shut your eyes, really wanting to, before shaking your head with a sigh of your own, “Can’t. I need to get through these few chapters.”

“Well I need you,” he responded with a pout.

You laughed and patted his shoulder, “Take a cold shower, buddy, maybe next time.”

Three:

It was Wednesday night which meant that it was Rafe’s night to sleep in your room. He’d been giving you some space to read over your study guides, but he was tired and wanted to spend extra time in your presence, so he went to your room fairly early and laid down in bed next to you.

What he wasn’t prepared for was for you to be propped up against the headboard wearing nothing but one of his football t-shirts, that had his name and number on the back, and a pair of panties. Your legs were sprawled way open, giving him a View when he walked in.

Rafe cursed lowly and shut the door, a little harder than necessary, causing you to look up at him in confusion. You asked, “Ready for bed already?”

He shrugged, “Wanted to spend some time with you, you’ve been so busy lately.”

You sighed, “I know, but tomorrow is my last final, so we can hang out after.”

“Hang out,” Rafe mimicked with air quotes before laying down next to you. He pressed his head into your thigh and you took the hint, starting to stroke his hair.

You went back to your reading, trying to focus because it was getting late and you wanted some good sleep before your last 8 a.m. final. After a few minutes of absentmindedly playing with his hair, you felt one of his hands pushing the hem of the shirt up your leg.

Looking over at him, you realized he wasn’t looking at your face, but at your leg as your panties came into view. Rafe reached out to touch the edge of them and you cleared your throat, swatting his hand away, “Cameron, let me finish this.”

Rafe grumbled, “No, you let me finish,” under his breath and you held in a laugh at his dramatic pout.

Going back to your reading, you ignored his pointed sighs and shifting around. When you reached the end of the study guide, you set it to the side and looked at the clock, seeing it was past 10. Rafe sat up eagerly and gently grabbed your arm, but you turned the lamp off and slid under the covers, “I have to sleep, Rafe. Early final tomorrow.”

He actually outright whined, “You’re wearing my shirt, and it’s hot, and I’m horny. Please, for the love of god, let me get off.”

“Tomorrow,” you promised, linking pinkies with him in the dark.

“Fine,” he grumbled, settling in next to you with one last huff.

+ One:

Rafe was gone to workouts when you got back from your test and you knew he wouldn’t be back for at least another 30 minutes, so you pulled your shorts off to wait for him, yet again wearing one of his football shirts.

You weren’t waiting for long after texting Rafe to come straight to your room when he got home. He burst through the door, still sweating a little and you wrinkled your nose, “Why do you never fucking shower in the locker room?” He opened his mouth to answer and you sighed, “You know what, never mind. Just come over here.”

Barely taking the time to close the door, Rafe came over, putting both of his hands on the bed and leaning down to kiss you. Dropping to his knees, Rafe started kissing down your neck and wasted no time in pushing the shirt up and tugging your panties to the side.

He stroked through your folds a few times before bending down and licking where his fingers just were. Nudging your clit with his nose, Rafe teased your entrance with his tongue and you grabbed onto his hair with a gasp.

Rafe dipped his tongue in briefly before going back to teasing you, throwing your legs over his shoulder when you tried to clamp your thighs around his head. He took his time, inserting one finger while holding you still with his other hand.

You leaned back, resting your weight on one hand behind you, the other still clinging to his hair. When he got to three fingers, he nudged your clit one more time with his nose before pulling away completely, and you cried out, trying to pull him back with your legs still around his shoulders.

“Patience, baby,” he told you, stripping completely and getting a condom. He sat on the bed and motioned for you to climb onto his lap. With shaky legs, you crawled over to where he was sitting up, against the headboard, and sank down onto him.

He exhaled shakily, hands going up to your shoulders to trace the letters of his name, and you took it as encouragement to lift up a little before sinking back down. With a groan, he leaned forward and started nipping at your neck, carelessly sucking a mark onto your collarbone.

One of his hands gripped your hip as you leaned forward so your chests were brushing and you sped up a little. Rafe groaned, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple and he pushed you back a little, stripping the shirt off fully before pulling you back to press your bare chest to his.

You were getting close, movements sloppier, and Rafe took initiative, trying to help you by thrusting his hips up in time with you. Dropping a hand, you started rubbing your clit, and Rafe snapped his hips one last time before coming, groaning loudly into the empty room.

With one last whine, you came, seconds after him, slumping forward into his chest while you tried to catch your breath. He rubbed your back gently as the two of you recovered and you smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his collarbone, “There, was that what you wanted?”

Rafe laughed, “Yes, thank you, sweetheart.”

Climbing off his lap, you motioned toward the door, “Good, now you can go shower because for real, you reek. Please use the showers in the locker room, I’m sure some of my tuition money funds those facilities.”

He stood up and held a hand out to you, “Share a shower?”

You stared at his hand for a few seconds, pretending to debate, and he huffed before reaching down to lift you off the bed. With a squeal, you told him, “Put me down, you can’t just manhandle me.”

Rafe laughed and carried you to the bathroom, “Come on, baby, you know you love showering with me.”

“Only because it’s good for the environment.”

[architectuul]

FOMA 44: Forgotten Sarajevo

During our online conversation Lejla texted me that it is difficult to come across reference material in Bosnia in general as libraries and archives have been burnt down and there hasn’t been enough digitisation.

Architecture of Bosnia and the Way to Modernity by Dušan Grabrijan and Juraj Neidhard, Sarajevo 1957

The 1984 Winter Olympics known as Sarajevo '84, was held between 8 and 19 February 1984 in Sarajevo, Yugoslavia.

Let's have a look of five impressive Forgotten Masterpieces in Sarajevo. Designed by Živorad Janković and Halid Muhasilović, Skenderija is a multi-functional cultural and sports centre completed in 1969. This building was the first of its kind in the former Yugoslavia and in many ways acted as a prototype for many similar complexes that were later built throughout the country. As such, Skenderija played a curial role in the development of not only the local architecture, but also of Yugoslavian modernist architecture as a whole. It was the first hybrid building in the former Yugoslavia that fused together many different functions (sports, performance, entertainment, shopping, food, service, etc.) within a singular multi-storey complex that employed a modernist aesthetics prevalent of the time.  

The complex consists of three buildings; a large sports hall in the first, a number of smaller sports halls in the second building and Dom Mladi (House of Youth) with cultural content in the third. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

The buildings are arranged around an open plateau, a city agora, under which is located a subterranean commercial level with a circulation path that allows access all three buildings. The project was innovative in the complex construction system used that allowed for large spans. It also reflected the modernist ambition of honesty in the material use, with the concrete articulation of all the façades. In many ways, due to its scale and cultural significance, the complex shifted the symbolic gravitation from the old city centre and established an additional point of prominence. In urbanistic terms it expended the city beyond the exiting east-west axis and opened the south bank of the river Miljacka.  

Skenderija allowed Sarajevo to take on a new cultural significance that would later be sealed by the Winter Olympics in 1984. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

The Communist Party of Yugoslavia started the project of the Sarajevo’s main railway station as an architectural competition with the ultimate goal of physically uniting the country through its railway system. At the beginning of Socialist Yugoslavia, the country’s political views strongly aligned with those of the USSR and the remainder of the communist bloc. As such, Yugoslavian architecture at this time, although modernist in spirit was still heavily influenced by the social realism that was used as a political tool and prevailed in the majority of the eastern bloc countries. 

The Railway station was opened in 1952 and in its thirty years of function, up until the siege in 1992, the building was one of the most monumental structures in Sarajevo. | Photo via Mirza Hasanefendic

Social realism in Sarajevo brought on a range of contradictions in its architectural articulation. It ranged from architecture for the masses most clearly articulated in the residential settlements for the worker’s housing to that of highly articulated and relatively well executed public buildings, mostly designed through architectural competitions. 

The main railway station in Sarajevo reflects the complexity of a more western modernism. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

Once the initial reconstruction phase after WWII was completed cultural and institutional buildings became the next phase of focus. One of these included the Ministry of Public Health. It is heavily modernist in nature, however, the social realist influence remains visible. It was built only a few years after the main railway station but the break away from the social realism is even more apparent in this case. This shift in architectural expression occurred as a direct result in the political and ideological drift between Yugoslavia and USSR.

The building relies on pure geometry, abstracted decoration in the form of vertical fins at the front façade, simplified openings and a receded top floor which allow for a terrace on the top floor. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

The principal focus of the social realism buildings was an exaggerated scale in order to instill the notion of grandness of the state and to inspire deference towards the authorities, which in this case was the Communist Party of Yugoslavia. Since this building was designed and built as a Ministry of Public Heath, Ivanović strived to employ majority of these principles but he broke away from some keys aspect that defied socialist realism at the time.

The building follows the rigid symmetry often employed by social realism and breaks a number of rules, which shift it towards a more ‘western’ modernist building. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

The Communist party took control of Yugoslavia following the end of WWII in 1945. Like the majority of European cities, a considerable damage was suffered by the urban fabric in Yugoslavia as well. As such, one of the major tasks of the new socialist system was to rebuild as fast and as efficiently as possible. However, both the amount of resources and the number of available architects was limited and as such the initial wave of reconstruction was very utilitarian.

One of the most notable residential projects that dates back to the post-war period is the residential complex on Džidžikovac that resulted from a design competition set forth in 1947 and won by the above-mentioned Kadić brothers. The project was completed in just over a year which resulted in relatively poor construction quality, which was the case with many residential buildings constructed around this timeframe. 

The design and the modernist spirit of the project render it as one of the most notable residential complexes in Sarajevo. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

The complex contains three linear residential blocks each consisting of a number of three-storey interconnecting buildings that cascade along the existing topography. In addition, the three blocks are surrounded by open green space that integrates the building into the existing site forming a sense of a unified complex. Although the project has been declared as a protected national monument in 2008, the reconstruction done since the end of the siege in the 1995, has been to a large extent insensitive to the initial design principles of the Kadić brothers.

Each block have a set of semi-circular terraces suspended by receded columns - the signature feature of this project. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

Completed in 1956, six years after the Ministry of Public Health, Residential Building and Šipad Headquarters breaks away from the social realist influence and draws inspiration from Oscar Niemeyer instead, thus creating one of the most prominent modernist buildings in Sarajevo.  

Although the two buildings are separate entities they lean on each other and share a part of the side wall. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

In order to allow for a continuous pedestrian flow, Ivanović frees part of the ground floor of the Šipad Headquarters, and thus creates a covered promenade lined with the distinct V shaped columns visually suspending the building off them. | Photo Lejla Odobašić Novo

---

#FOMA 44: Lejla Odobašić Novo

Photo by © Yasin Emir

Lejla Odobasic Novo is a Bosnian-Canadian architect and an architectural theorist who is currently working between Sarajevo and Toronto. She obtained her bachelor and master’s degrees from the University of Waterloo School of Architecture where she also held a research position and upon graduation worked as an Adjunct Professor at the Rome Campus. She holds a professional licence issued by the Ontario Association of Architects (2014) and is an Assistant Professor at the International Burch University in Sarajevo where she obtained her PhD and currently teaches architectural design and architectural theory. Lejla’s research focuses on the role of architecture, and in particular cultural heritage, in conflicted and contentious places. Within this field, she has carried out projects, exhibitions, publications and other cultural initiatives including her work with Liana Breser, Jerusalem-Sarajevo: In-between Cities, that was exhibited in Canada, UK, Bosnia and Croatia (2010-2011). She has also participated in DAAR Decolonizing Architecture residency and research group in the Palestine under Eyal Weizman, Sandi Hilal and Alessandro Petti (2010). Lejla is also a member of Kuma International, an International Center for the Visual Arts from Post-Conflict Societies. In addition to her academic work, she has also worked in architectural practices internationally including Toronto, London, Madrid, Rome and Istanbul.

[maggies-scribblings]

Ladynoir, thinking post-reveal pre-relationship but idk whatever makes you happiest: “I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

I decided to make it a continuation of this. Hope you like it, and sorry it took me so long. 

Ass-kicking

It was the first Saturday afternoon after the night they found out about their identities, and Adrien and Marinette were at the Historical Library. They were working on an ongoing History project with Alya and Nino, meeting there every weekend.

“Oh, great!” Marinette huffed, looking at her phone screen. “They just bailed.”

“Really?”

She showed him the message on her phone. 

[Alya] Hey sweetie, sorry, we can’t make it today. Nino’s family is away and I need to help him with his French homework.  

“French homework, huh?” Adrien said as he returned the phone.

“Somehow I doubt that.” 

“There will probably be French involved,” he quipped, waggling his eyebrows, “but definitely not homework.”

Marinette had to cover her mouth as she snorted. 

“How about we investigate that other subject?” he leaned over the table and whispered conspiratorially. 

The library was mostly empty, but Marinette still shushed him. 

“What? Here?”

“Where else? We can check out books about ancient languages, history…”

“Hmm… I don’t know… what if someone sees us? Won’t it be suspicious?”

“We’re still working on a project, right? I know! You’re applying for fashion internships in the summer, right?” She nodded. With a playful smirk, he pointed at himself with his thumbs. “Who better to help you with a fashion presentation than your friend, the actual haute couture supermodel?”

Marinette giggled softly while Adrien winked and made finger guns, in full-on Chat Noir mode. Her laughter made his heart sing. 

“Okay, actual supermodel. Where should we begin?”

A few weeks later… 

[Alya] Hey there gorgeous! Girls’ lunch today? 

[Marinette] Hey Alya! No can do, project work all day. 

[Alya] Secret project again, huh? 😉 

[Marinette] Quit it Alya, I have to go. Raincheck?

[Alya] How’s Sunday? 

[Marinette] Great! Text me in the morning. xoxo

[Alya] Yeah, right… I’ll drop by to wake you! xoxo

Alya sighed as she put her phone away. Marinette had been acting weird for some time now. Ever since that day she showed up at school with dark circles under her eyes and with a silly grin on her face, which she explained away with some excuse about good news from her Chinese relatives, and staying up late on Facetime to talk to them. 

After four years of BFF service, Alya could tell when she was making up stories… and yet, even when caught in a lie, there were some things Marinette just wouldn’t share. It was frustrating, but Alya was respectful of her friend’s privacy. Well, most of the time, anyway.

It was also weird that she was hanging out with Adrien so often, seeing that not so long ago she had trouble even maintaining a simple conversation with him. 

“Sooo, giiirl…” Alya playfully asked, before taking a bite of her kebab. “Got anything you want to share with meee?... ”

“Share?” Marinette looked genuinely confused. “What about?” 

“Don’t play innocent with me, sweetie. You thought I wouldn’t notice you and Adrien sneaking around on breaks, going to your place after school?”

Marinette’s reaction was even stranger. Instead of her usual sputtering and denial, she coolly replied they were working on a project together, refusing to add any other details. And yet, Alya couldn’t resist some gentle teasing.

“So, does this… erm… project include any nookie?”

“A-Alya!” There she was. Blushing, stuttering Marinette. “No-nookie? No! This is strictly professional!”

As it was, Marinette refused to discuss the project any further, except to add it had something to do with fashion and her application for summer internships with established designers Adrien knew. It was the exact same explanation Nino had heard from Adrien… almost verbatim. Her reporter's sixth sense was tingling, but she let it go. If her best friends were seeing each other in secret there probably was a good reason for it. 

“Alya’s on to us.”

“What!?” Chat Noir almost spit out his palmier. “She knows?”

Ladybug shook her head and corrected herself. 

“No—not that! I mean she’s not buying the story about the…”  she gestured air quotes, “‘fashion project’!”

“Oh. That.” After licking his fingers, he took another cookie from the box Ladybug had brought to patrol. One of the best perks of the job, and now much more frequent. “Nino was also acting weird about it.”

“What do you mean, acting weird?”

“He was all like, oh, you dog, finally saw the light, took you long enough, whatever.”

Ladybug swallowed her juice quicker than she should, breaking into a coughing fit. Chat Noir tapped her back, which was no help at all but made him feel like he was doing something. As the coughing stopped, the pats turned to gentle rubs. 

“He did?”

“Yeah, he was so… smarmy about it. Like he knew something I didn’t.”

“Huh.” Ladybug scooted away from him and went very quiet. 

“Are you alright?”

“I… I just need a minute, okay?”

Adrien was confused by her reaction. Sure, things were different after that night. Since then, Ladybug seemed slightly more restrained around Chat Noir. Although he had toned down his banter, she seemed more embarrassed whenever he made some flirtatious joke. 

The civilian side of their lives was altogether a different story. After a few days of mutual awkwardness, working together on the grimoire brought them closer than ever. 

Of course, they had been friends for a long time — well, except for that time in the beginning, when she had been so uncomfortable around him. The gum incident when they met was probably a bad start, and there had been ups and downs between them ever since. He even asked Nino if she had something against him, but he wasn’t any help. 

Eventually, that bashfulness faded as they grew older. Marinette started going out with Luka, much to the joy of their mutual friends and his own inexplicable chagrin. Adrien and Kagami were also dating within the confines of their controlling, yet approving, parents. After that, whenever they hung out there was a relaxed familiarity that made her open up more, and Adrien considered her one of his best friends. 

Now that he knew she had been Ladybug all along, he couldn’t help but feel the bitter twinge of regret. What would—could—have happened if he knew then what he knew now? 

“You really don’t know why Nino teased you?”

“No—I don’t.”

“They think we’re, you know, dating in secret.”

“What? Why? They think you’re cheating on Luka?”

“No! Not cheating… Luka sorta dumped me six months ago.” 

“Luka dumped you?” Adrien was totally confused. How could anyone dump Marinette? “I’ll kick his ass if you want me to, Milady.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” she chuckled sadly. “It wasn’t working out anyway.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, you know. He has his music, I have all of this,” Ladybug sighed, pointing at her suit. “He wanted me to be more present, and I just couldn’t. It’s like we were always out of sync.” 

“—out of sync,” Chat Noir ended the phrase with her. “I know what you mean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was the same with Kagami,” he admitted. “She wanted to do, you know, couple things, when I was exhausted from all of this. She needed me to be there for her. By the seventeenth time I ditched her during an akuma alert with a lame excuse, she was done and ended everything.”

“You still seem hurt about it.”

“I think I’m over it now,” he shrugged. “It’s been almost a year. I just couldn’t be the kind of boyfriend she needs and deserves, so…” 

Ladybug was silent for some minutes. When she spoke, Chat Noir jumped a little. 

“I can’t believe she dumped you,” she said indignantly. “She was so in love with you…”

“How do you know that? She’s usually so reserved.”

“Well, besides it being written all over her face when she was near you? She told me. Well, actually she told Ladybug.”

“She told you that? When?”

“Oh, it was a while ago, the last time she was Ryuko. She said you were made for each other.” 

“Oh yeah, when you saved her from Heart Hunter. They were after people who were in love.”

Ladybug cringed with embarrassment, then sighed and straightened her back, psyching herself up.  

“I—I need to be honest with you, Adrien… I didn’t exactly save her. I chose her that day because I was jealous.”

Chat Noir nodded, but she wouldn’t look at him. 

“Jealous?” he cleared his throat. “Of… me?”

“Yes.” She uttered a sad chuckle, shaking her head. “I was so confused back then. So tired. I liked Luka, but I was so obsessed with Adrien-you, and I was trying not to like Chat-you. Then you and Kagami looked so happy that day… I tried to walk away, but jealousy got the best of me.” Ladybug covered her face with her hands. “I made so many stupid decisions that day. I almost ruined everything.”

Chat Noir pulled her into his lap and hugged her. 

“Hey… hey… It was a tough time for all of us, with Hawkmoth chasing Master Fu—”

“—and I led him straight to where Master Fu was! It was all my fault.”

“No.” He gently lifted her chin to meet her eyes. “It’s all his fault. Hawkmoth’s the one who’s caused all this. Don’t you ever forget that.”

Ladybug nodded, sinking into his arms and pulling him closer. 

“You can always count on me when you feel overwhelmed,” Chat Noir whispered, kissing her forehead. “Or if you need me to kick some ass.” He felt her chuckling softly into his shoulder. “Now you always know how to find me. Any time, day or night, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And we’ll talk about that other thing another day. I’m still annoyed with our so-called best friends and their teasing.”

“Okay.” This time there was a hint of laughter in her voice. “Please don't kick their asses.”

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t… Now, let’s clear this up so I can take you home.”

To be continued? Let me know! 

Thanks to @chanceuseladynoire,  @zenmisery and @nomolosk for the beta read.

Asked for a sequel and/or to be tagged: @miraculous-elcie-fanfics @ao3bronte @bowser14456 @alexseanchai @delectablycoolscientist @lecolibribleu @omgpercabethadrinette @damelicorne

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 5

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 - Expert

The subsequent calm was something Lin Yan wasn't expecting. The thing seemed to have decided it tortured him enough and nothing else happened the rest of the night. Lin Yan changed back into his clothes and unplugged his computer. Even though he knew that that probably wouldn't do anything, the screen actually powered off and didn't come back on at all in the night.

Perhaps a new storm was brewing in the silence, but Lin Yan was too exhausted to worry about it. The alcohol that was left in his system worked as a great tranquillizer, and he rolled over and fell asleep.

While he was deep in sleep, something cold pressed itself on his lips again, but Lin Yan was too much a heavy sleeper to realize it.

When he woke up, the entire room was clean. All the red paint had disappeared, the light gray printed wallpaper and the screen wall painted by the students of the Academy of Fine Arts were intact, and the glass was spotless. There was no other evidence to prove that the absurdity of last night had ever happened except for the shameful traces of liquid on Lin Yan's body and clothes. He took a bath and threw the red clothes into the washbowl. Compared with the power of the invisible thing, he was clearly at a disadvantage. Instead of running around without a plan, it was better to observe what happens as things unravel.

After he finished packing things up, Lin Yan took out his phone and texted Yin Zhou about the meeting place. Unexpectedly, he got a reply almost instantly: See you at the school gate in half an hour.

Lin Yan looked at himself in the mirror. Within just two nights, he looked like he had been doing drugs for years, he had a scruffy stubble growing, and his eyes were red. The mint scent of his shaving foam made Lin Yan feel for the first time that his typically monotonous life was actually so much more beautiful than that. The blade was thin and sharp. Just one long stroke across his neck and there would be nothing left.

Humans were such fragile creatures.

"Shit. . ." Lin Yan hissed, sighing at his unfortunate luck and put his fingers under the water. His hand had slipped and he sliced his fingertip on the blade, red blood seeping out. Lin Yan wrapped a bandaid around his finger, leaning against the wall and pondering about how unlucky it was to feel the pain.

He didn't know what kind of dye was used on the funeral clothes, but it had bled dramatically in the water. After a while, the whole basin of water had been dyed red. Lin Yan glanced at it in disgust as he left and slammed the door shut.

At 8 o'clock, Lin Yan saw Yin Zhou holding a Scallion pancake and some fruit in front of the school gate.

The two of them regretted trying to drive. The roads were clogged with morning rush hour traffic to the point that they couldn't even see the end of the lines of cars. What genius designed this kind of urban roundabout? Five ring roads surrounded the main road and they were forced to convene together every morning and night.

Lin Yan and Yin Zhou were nearing the third ring road and they still didn't have any temper, so all they could do was turn on the radio and eat the breakfast that Yin Zhou brought.

"A 13-year-old boy from a remote village in Sichuan was found hanged at home wearing a red coat. The locals suspected it was most likely cult-related. It is reported that the boy's time of birth and time of death are both extremely negative times and very suitable for. . ."

Lin Yan snapped the radio off.

It seemed that everything in the world had been messed up overnight. Even this kind of unreliable news could be relayed to the public.

Yin Zhou didn't care. He swallowed the last bite of his pancake and hiccuped. He said with satisfaction: "I spent the rest of the night in the library. I was starving and I couldn't buy anything. It's great to feel full."

"There was no exam recently, what were you doing at the library?"

"I was studying the enemy's intelligence. This enemy works in the dark. Can we defeat it if we understand how it operates? What do you think, buddy?"

Lin Yan turned his face to look at the crowded traffic outside the window. He stayed silent for a while before he said softly, "Do you really believe that there are ghosts in this world? I feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist first."

Yin Zhou's eyes widened in surprise: "Come on, even if something's up with you, I'm totally normal, yet we both saw those clothes yesterday."

". . . At your house the day before yesterday, I was the only one who thought it was cold, and I was the only one who could feel ‘it’ in the house."

Lin Yan sorted out his thoughts and told Yin Zhou his experience of being choked by someone last night.

Lin Yan wasn't expecting it but Yin Zhou exploded after hearing this, and blurted out: "Fuck, that ghost was a rabbit master* during his lifetime?" He scanned Lin Yan's face over and over again: "Little Brother Lin, don't tell me. . . you can be considered a nice-looking guy if you look closely. He's dead and maybe he's lonely and wants to recruit you as his wife."

*because they would kill the rabbit by snapping its neck

"Fuck you. If you aren't going to be serious, get out of my car and leave. Don't forget to burn two boxes of condoms for me when I croak." Lin Yan said quietly. The car behind him honked its horn twice, and Lin Yan realized that while he was talking, a 5-6 metre gap had cleared in front of him. He hurriedly followed the line of traffic.

"Furthermore, in the middle of the night, I obviously saw that the whole house was covered with red paint, but in the morning there was nothing. It was as if I had been dreaming."

Yin Zhou dragged the backpack out of the back seat and hugged it in his arms. He said, "Hey, let me show you the results of my brother's research." As he talked, he opened his bag and took out a dozen crumpled papers from it and spread them out on his knees. He flattened them with his hands and started going over them from top to bottom.

"You can't take care of shit. I feel uncomfortable just looking at those."

"See, the attributes of a wife. This ghost saw it perfectly."

A grass mud horse roared and ran across Lin Yan's heart.

Sure enough, these geeks are something else.

"Listen carefully." Yin Zhou pushed up his glasses with his long fingers: "There are generally two modern interpretations of ghosts. The first is due to the discovery of dark matter. You know the law of conservation of energy?"

". . . Go on." Lin Yan gave him a blank look.

"The universe expands at a certain rate every year. If the law of conservation of energy goes as normal, where does the energy that supports the expansion of the universe come from? According to this question, modern physics puts forward the concept of dark matter and dark energy. It does not generate electromagnetic waves, cannot be sensed, and cannot be measured. The law of gravity estimates that dark matter and energy account for 96% of the mass of the universe, and the remaining 4% is what humans can now recognize."

"Many unexplainable phenomena are therefore attributed to the results of dark matter, such as meridians in traditional Chinese medicine, the power of the mind, and ghosts. There are many discussions on this field abroad, but it is obviously blocked in China and difficult to find." Yin Zhou spread out his hands.

Lin Yan nodded. This was a bit like a science fiction novel he had read once.

"And the second one?"

"The second type is attributed to electromagnetic waves. The environment in which the deceased died is not conducive to electromagnetic wave attenuation. The powerful thoughts it had before death form a unique energy field. If a person's own frequency is similar to it, it will resonate when they come into contact. The waveform of the original ghost is greatly strengthened so then the two can sense each other."

Lin Yan was stunned: "You mean I. . . resonate with the ghost?"

Yin Zhou said indifferently that it was possible. He turned and smiled mysteriously: "Do you know how to explain love at first sight using electromagnetic fields?"

Lin Yan's heart stuttered.

"It's just resonating. It's the same with both men and women."

Yin Zhou sighed: "I don't want to fall in love for a while. It's boring, it's like a ghost."

The cars finally started moving again, and they finally got off the third road ring after being stuck for three hours. Lin Yan turned on the navigation and stepped on the accelerator to hurry towards the destination.

He always thinks that love was just like a ghost; he didn't believe in either. He only understood the panic and anxiety he felt when he encountered it, but he has never imagined that ghosts were also like love, triggered by a specific reason in a specific environment and dragged forcibly into the abyss, unable to escape.

"Have you been in touch with anything special recently, or have you been to anywhere special?"

Lin Yan thought about it for a moment and shook his head: "No. Every day I'm in the study room, tutor's office, library, home, cafeteria, there's nowhere else. But I have come into a lot of contact with lots of things from several dynasties."

Yin Zhou clumped the pile of information in his hand, and put it into back his backpack despite Lin Yan's contemptuous eyes, and clicked the buckle shut.

"Impossible. The electromagnetic waves would have decayed early in a small object, even if the Maoshan technique was used."

A thought suddenly flashed through Lin Yan's mind.

"There was this one place. . .Last month, my old man arranged an internship position for me on an archaeological team. It was a tomb with small specifications. I was there for less than a week."

Yin Zhou's eyes lit up all of a sudden: "There's this show, we should wait and check it. . . what the fuck!"

Lin Yan slammed on the brakes. Yin Zhou's head slammed into the windshield with a bang, and he wailed in pain.

"What are you doing?! Braking like that is going to kill you. What if we got rear-ended?!"

Lin Yan looked at the empty windshield in shock. He pulled the car over and, when he turned to Yin Zhou, his face changed.

"You. . . didn't see that just now?"

"What!" Yin Zhou took off the glasses that had been knocked off-kilter, trying to push them into their original spot, and couldn't help complaining in grief.

"There was a hand. . . stretching down from the roof of the car."

Yin Zhou was stunned and looked up at the window glass cautiously. A truck came up from behind, went around their car and drove on.

Lin Yan was too scared to speak for a while. He recalled the stiff white hand that had slapped on the windshield from the roof of the car just now, but it disappeared in a blink of an eye. There were speeding trucks or tankers everywhere on the sixth ring road. He opened his mouth and looked at Yin Zhou. The other party understood his thoughts immediately. Yin Zhou took a breath and hesitated: "Then this thing. . . it wants a human life."

Lin Yan shook his head. He always felt that there was some motive behind everything that had happened, but he couldn't say it out loud.

They drove out of the city in a blink of an eye. The endless rows of poplar trees and the green border fields in the suburbs relaxed the tension of the two people in the car a lot. Lin Yan rolled down the car window, and the car air mixed with the fragrance of flowers and plants that poured in. Inside the car, the stuffy scent of the pancakes was blown away.

After the twist and turns the GPS took them on, the car turned onto a rugged path paved with stones. The surrounding buildings were replaced with independent bungalows and small farmyards. A yellow dog squatted on the steps and stretched its neck. Some hens gathered in groups lazily together. Every now and again, they passed by a white goose on the side of the road. Lin Yan slowed down and stared at the map displayed on the GPS. He glanced at Yin Zhou distrustfully.

"If I keep going, I'll have to turn around to go back to the village. Did your mother send us to a reclusive expert?"

Yin Zhou leaned over to study the map, then turned his head in confusion and looked out the window. He happened to pass by a house, a yellow mud bungalow, with a faded couplet on the door. The old man in front of it only lost two front teeth, and he was leaning back to watch the excitement. . Yin Zhou scratched his scalp suspiciously: "The address my mother gave is at the end of the village, and she said it was amazing. Let me buy some tributes to bring with me. I can't do it alone."

So Lin Yan stopped the car when passing by the market, and bought two gifts according to Yin Zhou's suggestion. . . that bastard.

"Are you sure about all this?" Lin Yan looked embarrassedly left and right, carrying a live turtle in one hand and walking back, Yin Zhou happily pointed at the turtle's head and said, "What do you know? , These kinds of psychic masters rely on this stuff to keep up with their lifestyle. Trust me."

Lin Yan threw the two bastards into the trunk, took out a bottle of mineral water and handed it to Yin Zhou. He also opened a bottle for himself and took a few sips.

The country cicadas cried one after another, and the green wheat was headed; it was a wonderful scene of peace and prosperity.

Several children wearing red and green were squatting on the ground playing fan cards not far away. Lin Yan asked Yin Zhou: "What did your mother saw that name of the expert was? I'll ask around."

He couldn't help but imagine a scene of a bamboo hut with a mantle drooping in front of the porch. An old man in white with his hand stroked his beard and smiled slightly. He and Yin Zhou knelt forward on one knee, clasping their fists and begging, "Master, please guide me!"

Yin Zhou took a note from his pocket. He squinted at it, and said perplexedly: "Second Immortal Gu."

Before Lin Yan had enough time to swallow, all the water was spat back out.

"Ahem. . . is that so?"

In a small courtyard in the northeast corner of the village, Lin Yan and Yin Zhou found the legendary Second Immortal Gu’s house. When Lin Yan saw Second Immortal Gu's respectable face from outside the door, the regret in his heart was like torrential rapids. There was an enclave in an empty black room; he didn't know which god was being worshipped. An old woman in blue flower cloth sat cross-legged on the futon with her eyes closed and rests her mind. The red cloth strip that was tied to her forehead was quite imposing.

"This posture rivals some of the best dancers out there!" Yin Zhou pointed at the scene inside and couldn't help muttering softly.

"Come on, this is who your mother mentioned. Be respectful." Lin Yan said embarrassedly.

"What should we do?"

"Let's take a look first. Maybe the real person hasn't shown up."

Lin Yan and Yin Zhou walked through the door. Hearing the movement, the immortal woman lifted her eyelids slightly, and hummed from her nose aimlessly.

"Oh, ahem. . ." Yin Zhou couldn't hold back his grin and quickly concealed it with a cough.

What happened later was a farce. After receiving the turtle and two hundred yuan brought by Lin Yan, the woman suddenly became energetic. She worshipped the gods with incense and poured a bowl of clear water on Lin Yan while muttering words. After turning around Lin Yan more than ten times, she finally opened his eyes sharply. Lin Yan was so frightened by her that his body was shocked. The only thing she did was shout: "Aha! I saw it!"

"There is a little girl standing behind you!"

Lin Yan and Yin Zhou looked at each other, each holding their breaths.

"Oh, this baby girl died terribly. She said that she was locked up and could not be born. She didn't have money to buy clothes, and she didn't have money to pay her way through death. That's why she's gotten involved with you. . ."

"Wait, I'll ask her how to resolve this. . ."

The immortal woman closed her eyes and began to sing. Lin Yan pointed at the door to Yin Zhou and said: "Do you need someone to grease your feet, what are you waiting for?"

After reciting a long list of words, she opened her eyes and saw that there were no longer two other people in the room.

The immortal woman had no choice but to touch the newly collected two hundred yuan and shook her head, muttering that the young people nowadays are really impatient. Then she staggered around to pack her things up.

When she picked up the bastard turtle, she couldn't help but give a long sigh.

[onestowatch]

Surfaces Is Bringing Their Happy Place to the Masses [Q&A]

Photo: Dan Franco

When Colin Padalecki met Forrest Frank on SoundCloud, back in 2016, they had no idea that their whimsical exchange of DMs would evolve into the brotherhood of a lifetime, an ever-growing discography, and a roster spot on one of the hottest independent record labels in the world—10K Projects. 

Since then, the two friends have formed a genre-bending band called Surfaces and an audiovisual world of neo-soul, beach-pop, reggae, and gospel music. Or better yet, an imaginary happy place, right smack-dab in the middle of “The Lone Star State,” where the two Texans make masterful R&B music with spoken-word lyricism that elevates positive thinking for the soul. 

All in all, the guys from Surfaces have been releasing music together for four years now. Thus, with each year comes a brand-new album from the hardworking duo. While Caribbean rhythms and heartwarming subject matter remain notable fixtures of their songwriting, another mainstay is the scenic artwork that’s accompanied every album release so far.

Each time that Padalecki creates an official album cover for Surfaces, it’s as if he’s giving their supporters a behind-the-scenes look at the way in which they find inspiration before a songwriting camp. In many instances, the artwork that he designs serves as a catalyst for the band’s recording sessions, because it sets the mood. His graphic illustrations of sunsets, beaches, and waterfronts augment the heartfelt stories that have been told for the duration of four albums now by his bandmate, Frank, whose lyrics and jazz-rap cadences always seem to carry a positive undertone. 

The meaning behind his uplifting words stem from a spiritual assertion that was instilled in him from a young age by his family. In fact, his band’s biggest hit to date was influenced by his faith. “When I think of the lyrics [from “Sunday Best”]... for me, personally, the only way I’ve been able to find that kind of complete stress-free lifestyle is through my relationship with God,” shares Frank. Of all the songs that have been penned by Surfaces over the past five years, none of the releases contain a single ounce of vulgarity in them. This is a very unique distinction for a secular band—especially one that is part of a record label that’s been home to some of the most popular rappers of the SoundCloud rap era. 

But nevertheless, their working relationship with their record label has actually enhanced their creativity. Because the company’s CEO has created a healthy environment for artistic expression, regardless of the genres his artists belong to. “I feel like Elliot [Grainge] runs a really tight family kind of shop. He doesn’t have a lot of artists on his roster, but he has a personal relationship with all of us and the other people we work with like Molly, Sam, and our managers. So, [signing with 10K Projects] just made sense,” shares Padalecki. “Elliot gave us full creative control, which is truly a blessing when it comes to something like a record deal. At any moment in time, we could just ask him to meet us for lunch and he cares enough about us on a personal level to go do that. He trusts in our decisions when it comes to song making, album choices, and everything. They’ve been nothing but supportive and we’ve been nothing but grateful for 10K, it’s almost like a family.” 

Indeed, a stress-free creative space, cathartic chorus lines, and the full support of 10K Projects have proven to be key components in a winning formula that’s yielded multi-platinum successes for Surfaces. So, as the old adage goes: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Which means when it comes to dropping new music, the guys are sticking to what works. 

When they made their best-selling album to date, Where The Light Is, they recorded the tracks during the day, while the sun was out at Frank’s boat house to perfectly capture a positive and happy mood. Catching a vibe in a sunny environment has proven to be tried-and-true method for the band and a blueprint that Colin Padalecki wanted to follow during the making of their latest album, Pacifico. 

“We rented a house in Malibu for about a half a month. It was kind of like this creative camp that we set up and we pretty much woke up every single day in this really gorgeous house with this really gorgeous view of the beach line of Malibu and the sunset peaking over the mountains every single day,” says the multi-instrumentalist. “It was just nice to not have to worry about anything with Forrest, his wife, and our creative collaborator Conrad [Public Library Commute]. Nothing felt forced… we were just trying to capture the essence of that trip. The whole album pretty much describes that vacation of ours. And we just tried to capture all aspects of it through sonics.” 

On April 9, Surfaces introduced their fourth studio album to the world with the lead single called “Wave of You.” It’s a vibey beach-pop track that explores the depths of a romantic relationship through the eyes of Frank. It also displays his willingness to expose his own real-life experiences. “I think it’s really powerful. A relationship can be so powerful and when you’re really drawn to someone it’s like the tide pulling you into the wave. It’s awesome, but it’s also really fragile and dangerous,” says Frank.

Upon the release of two follow-up singles to “Wave of You,” Surfaces officially dropped Pacifico on June 25. The new album arrives on the heels of one of the most challenging time periods this world has ever seen. In the wake of a global pandemic, a little bit of sunshine is exactly what the the world needs. Pacifico, fittingly, is a breath of fresh air for their supporters and a fitting soundtrack for the beginning of summer after nearly a year-and-a-half of worldwide shutdowns. 

One of the main aspects of this album that displays the band’s growth as musicians are the amount of artist features present. Before the release of Pacifico, the only collaboration they ever published was “Learn To Fly” with Elton John. Their collaborative effort with the Rock & Roll Hall of Famer was an absolute banger, but it was never officially featured on an album by Surfaces. Instead, it was published as a one-off single. But this time around, the group teamed up with four collaborators: Public Library Commute, Salam Ilese, Xavier Omär and Quinn XCII. 

Their contributions to Pacifico have added a whole new element to this delightful collection of sun-soaked music. In fact, the story of how they ended up recording their collaboration with Omär in person is almost as compelling as the story of how the co-founders met each other. “We’d been huge fans [of Xavier Omär] ever since the SoundCloud days. We had a second verse open [for “Come Around”]. So, we DM’d him and said, ‘Yo what’s up! We’re huge fans!’ He said he was a big fan of ours too. So, we told him that we’d love to link up and talk about music because we have a song that he might like,” recounts Frank. “Then he said, ‘Oh cool, but the only thing is, I don’t live in L.A., I live in San Antonio.’ And we were like, ‘Yo, Colin lives in San Antonio (laughs)! So, we basically drove down the street and recorded with him.” It’s a fond memory of their first encounter with one of their favorite musicians… and it’s strikingly similar to the way that Padalecki met Frank on SoundCloud about five years prior. 

“Hearing (Omar Xavier’s) melodies recorded at my house brought me back to my high school days of listening to Middle of Things,” says Padalecki. “It had a huge impact on me in high school. So, him coming over and hanging out with us like friends, getting lunch with us, and then getting to the music later was really special.” While collaborative efforts like “Come Around” and “On Time” have certainly added a new dimension to the songwriting and emotional depth of Surfaces, fans can rest assured that their trademark penchant for feel great grooves remain true all throughout Pacifico.

In just five years, the duo behind Surfaces has traveled all over the country. The last time they took the show on the road was during the “Warm Winter Tour” back in 2019. This August, they’ll hit the road again for a North American tour called the aptly titled “Good 2 Be Back Tour.” To the masses they’re a homegrown duo that never fails to bring light and positivity to the forefront of their music. But internally… they’re just two friends having the time of their lives. And why wouldn’t they be? It’s not every day that pop icons like Justin Bieber partake in a “Sunday Best” dance craze dedicated to you by your fans on TikTok. 

More importantly, it’s not every day a pop-rock band comes along and reminds us of Bill Withers, Hall & Oates, Beach Boys and Chance the Rapper all in one breath. “That’s pretty good (laughs). I like that,” confesses Frank when the unique comparison was brought to his attention. With the release of Pacifico, Surfaces is now four albums deep into a promising career in music. And to think, it all started with a litany of recording sessions at Padalecki’s college house in Texas. It appears as though the guys from Surfaces are just as good at building songs as they are at giving form to the happy place from which all of their songs originate.

Pacifico is available everywhere you can stream it. 

[couldntbedamned]

Eudaemonia - Sanctum Heights Wards

It wasn't the same hall. It was close, but the posters were different, less official and pharma-related. These were more... almost pastel-glazed bucolic scenes, fit for some kind of children's summer home or something. The nurses' station was missing. And where Stephen stopped, there was an observation window looking into... a library?

In the library, sprawled in separate cushioned chairs were the five patients he'd seen briefly that morning at breakfast before being ushered out to begin Orientation.  He recognized Peter, the one Stephen had busted for running in the hall the previous day, even if the young man had complained that it should be fine because of his socks. Like Peter, the patients were all dressed in the same type of gentle cotton clothing similar to what Len had seen during his rounds at the psychiatric hospital in med school. They were all intently focused on the Orderly, James "call me Bucky", as he read to them from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

"What the hell is going on?"

"You're looking at the most dangerous individuals in the world as designated by the AAT. Five people who flew into the sun and somehow, their wings didn't melt. So, the AAT stepped in to correct that." Stephen glanced at him.

Leonard studied the patients skeptically.  If anything, they seemed more teenagers than actual adults.  "They don't look dangerous."

"No, they don't. But Mr. Chekov there, in the yellow shirt, was behind the 2124 Hague stock exchange collapse."

Leonard gaped. "He doesn't even look like he's seventeen!"

"He was seventeen at the time.  He's twenty-four now, obviously."

"How was he not put on trial?"

"You really think the AAT or the Hague is going to admit their networks and security were beaten by a minor? They actually tried to recruit him; he said no. And so he's here, locked away from the world so he can't do any more damage."

"And the others?" Leonard asked skeptically.

Stephen's gaze didn't leave the scene before them, just through the observation window.

"Ms. Carter, the blonde one, spent her teenage years in training to be an operative for the AAT.  During her final test, she went rogue and assassinated the AAT's hopeful for Prime Minister of South Brazueala, keeping that country free of AAT interference."

"Similarly, Ms. Starr was a full operative for the AAT and despite her mental breakdown after capture and torture by enemy forces, she still has moments when she can list off codes for the locations of weapons stockpiles, safe houses, and projected satellite paths."

Leonard was now watching the five patients intently as they laughed at something Barnes read.

"The oldest one, Mr. Kirk, is a tactical genius and has never met a code he can't crack."

He scoffed.

"Are you familiar with the AAT's Battle Games?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah. Every year two teams of military, government, and civilian experts are picked and compete in national security exercises. And then the results are published and made a spectacle of in a self-congratulatory circle-jerk."

"Jim was part of the 2127 games. He submitted his plan to address the exercise independent of the team he was on. It was the first year and remains the only year the results went unpublished. They were marked classified."

Leonard's mind - brilliant enough to rival any of the current Sentries - figured it out and Stephen smiled when the man hissed out a breath.  "His plan could have brought down the AAT." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Okay, what about Socks in there, what's his deal?"

Stephen chuckled.

"Peter Parker flew through programs specializing in biomedical, chemical, and genetic engineering. Then he continued to turn down numerous attempts at engagement by the AAT despite it being the only viable employment for someone of his genius and skillset."

Stephen finally looked away from the window and at him. "There's so much more to each of them than what I've just shared, of course, but I imagine you'll discover that on your own."

"If they're so dangerous, why keep them here like docile little pets? I caught a glimpse of the specs on that infusion Chekov received - it's almost a fucking lobotomy in liquid form. Why doesn't the AAT just kill them instead of doing this?"

"Because they're too useful, too valuable. The AAT hasn't given up hope that they can one day be brought around. It won't happen, of course, so here they stay."

"And you use them. At least Barnes in there does. He was fucking Carter in an exam room earlier today."

"A frequent occurrence, considering Sharon's a bit of a brat and James is quite the brat tamer. He and Dr. Palmer have their hands full with her." McCoy mouthed wordlessly. "You'll either make peace with the circumstances here, or you won't. You're a Sentry now, Leonard. There's no leaving this place, or this posting."

"This is seven levels of hell fucked up."

"It is, but you're not alone in this. We're here to help."

[eldri-sv]

26 - Aizawa

Kaori Shinsou has always been fascinated by people’s minds. She is one of the best students in her Criminal Psychology course at U.A. and - being the lucky girl she is - her professor is not only one handsome dude, but is also working on the case of the serial killer Stain - a case that has been going on for years. As she is about to become Professor Aizawa’s TA during the next term, a lot of other interesting cases start popping up all over the country…

Deep down we both knew it was trouble by design

(Cage The Elephant - Too Late To Say Goodbye)

Shouta Aizawa gave Tsukauchi a long hard look. He really couldn't believe this man sometimes. Sure, he was doing his job well and all, but he just kept having terrible ideas, like waking him up in the middle of the night with a phone call, just so he could head out to a crime scene and have a look at it, when he could just gather the same information from a well-made report. (Sometimes Aizawa suspected he didn't trust people with writing good reports, but that was a story for another day.) Or that thing he just suggested about Kaori Shinsou.

"Are you being serious right now?" Aizawa asked him, pretty sure that he was trying to play some sort of prank on him.

"Of course! I've seen her work on two different cases now and she has been brilliant. Would be a shame to let her waste away at the Hosu City department. Or have her go back to Tartarus next term." Tsukauchi replied. Aizawa pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

"Look, I get it. She's really good at this and by all means, she should get to work in a higher ranking job. But Tsukauchi, have you looked at her? That girl has been doing night shift after night shift in Hosu, then she goes to university and then straight back to work. I've seen her asleep in the damn library, Tsukauchi! She needs a fucking break." he explained. Tsukauchi nodded quickly.

"Of course, of course, I'm not saying she should come here and intern with us right away. I'll have to look at a ton of paperwork for that anyway, and obviously she'd have to agree to it. We'd give her some time off, especially during exams. But she'd be able to work on high profile cases, instead of some teenagers burning stuff in trash cans. Think about it." Tsukauchi said.

Of course he was right. He had a very valid point. It would be a shame to waste Shinsou's talent when it came to criminal psychology with her staying in the Hosu City department. She would have much more room to grow if she was interning with and working for the National Police Department.

But Shinsou already had no idea what a healthy work-life balance meant. Aizawa knew she didn't, because he was the same. And while he loved his job as a teacher and part-time criminal psychologist for the National Police Department, he also knew that it sucked getting that little sleep and being under the kind of high pressure that these kinds of cases brought with them.

"I mean, in the end it will be her decision. But I don't think it's a good idea. She's overworking herself as it is. There were several times during the last few weeks when she just collapsed from exhaustion. This already isn't healthy for her. Now imagine Shinsou getting to work for a much bigger organization - she'd work herself to death because she felt she had to." Aizawa replied.

"Sounds like someone I know." Tsukauchi told him with a smile.

"Exactly. And that's why I know she'd get much more stressed than she already is. I know I am stressing myself more than is good for me."

"Well, have you considered that the two of you would be working together? Which means you would both technically have a smaller workload and that benefits both you and her. Plus, that way you can still have an eye on her and make sure she gets some time off, if that's so important to you." Tsukauchi said.

Aizawa had to admit he hadn't thought about that. It could possibly even convince him. But there was no way he'd admit that to Tsukauchi. Thinking about it, he quite liked the idea of being able to work with Shinsou. After all, he had been itching to show her some of the confidential files on the Stain case, just to be able to get her perspective. Aizawa didn't like working closely with people, but he could imagine working with Kaori Shinsou. He sighed. Tsukauchi had already won.

"Well, go and suggest it to her. I still don't think it's the best idea, but in the end it is her decision. And I agree, it would be nice to get her somewhere higher up than the Hosu Department." Aizawa finally said. Tsukauchi gave him a knowing smile and got up from his chair in the school cafeteria.

"Sounds good to me, then. I'll get the paperwork in order and then I can hopefully see her about it sometime next week. I'd like to get her on for interviewing Stain by any means." Tsukauchi replied.

"That would be a good idea, she's been following that case since forever. She's obsessed with it. Anyway, get your paperwork done and then see if she wants to do it or not." Aizawa mumbled.

He still didn't quite feel alright with that decision, but there was nothing he could do either way. Tsukauchi had come to him to test the waters and see what he had to say about her academic abilities. And those were as good as they could possibly be. He had nothing bad to say about Shinsou.

"Oh yeah, before I leave. The two of you might want to be a little more discreet with... whatever it is that's going on between you." Tsukauchi said and winked at him. Aizawa gave him a confused look.

"What?" he asked, not expecting to hear anything like that. Of course he had heard of the stupid rumours, but he had never paid them much mind. To him they were just that - stupid rumours.

"I don't know if there is anything going on between you and Shinsou, but there are rumours. And it is quite obvious that you are... fond of her." Tsukauchi replied. Aizawa was completely dumbfounded by this. He had never expected anyone to bring this up to his actual face. Yes, he was fond of Shinsou. He liked her, there was no point denying it. And there was also no point denying that she was an attractive young woman. But there was absolutely nothing going on.

"I don't know what you're thinking, but there is really nothing going on..." Aizawa started, but Tsukauchi interrupted him.

"Look, I really don't care. I'm just saying this as a friend. People get certain impressions, that's all I'm saying."

And with that Tsukauchi left. Aizawa had no idea how to react to any of that. He had always thought that all those rumours were somewhat ridiculous. There was absolutely no substance to this. But now Tsukauchi had him second-guessing himself. What if there was anything inappropriate between them?

It wasn't like anything they'd do would be illegal, but it would surely be against school policy if they were having an affair of any sort. Especially as long as Shinsou was in his course. An image got conjured up in his mind of Kaori Shinsou in one of her short skirts and her knee socks on, sitting on the heavy oak desk in his office, leaning back, legs spread wide, looking at him with those lascivious eyes and...

Fuck. Where the hell did that come from? Aizawa was trying to tell himself that it was only because of what Tsukauchi had insinuated that he had just been thinking about that, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he definitely had a thing for Shinsou - he had just been suppressing it, because... well, because he was her professor and she was his student.

This was bad. This was beyond bad. How the hell did he not notice how far he let all this get? Those little mind games where he intentionally wouldn't call on her for ages during class, just to see her essentially fighting for his attention, the way she'd almost grow in her seat every time he gave her any sort of praise - hell, him taking her on as a teacher's assistant.

None of that was helping in any way. Maybe he just had to find a way to at least publicly distance himself from her. Try not asking her to stay after class so many goddamn times. That would be a start. Aizawa sighed and took a sip from his half-empty cup of coffee. It had gotten cold. Of course.

"Morning, prof!" he heard a cheerful voice say behind him. Speaking of the devil. He turned in his chair and saw Kaori Shinsou standing there, a lunch tray in her hands, obviously on the way over to her friends.

"What do you want, Shinsou?" he asked, feeling a headache coming on. He was in no mood to deal with this right now.

"Just happened to pass by on my way. I saw Tsukauchi talk to you and you looked kind of shaken. Is everything okay?" she replied innocently. Good God, this was getting worse and worse. Aizawa gave her a glare.

"It's none of your concern." he said coldly, trying to implement the rules he had just set for himself. Shinsou looked like she was taken aback a little and then she just shrugged and gave him a smile.

"Okay." she replied and continued in her way. That smile literally broke Aizawa's heart. It wasn't easily noticeable, but it was absolutely a fake smile. He kept telling himself that all of this was for the best. He really wanted to keep his job and he didn't want to force Shinsou to transfer courses either.

He had no idea how he was supposed to work with her, if she decided to transfer from the Hosu department to the nationwide department. He tried to remember how he was treating the rest of his students, but somehow it didn't seem to translate in any way to Shinsou. She was smart, dedicated and... really fucking hot.

There. He said it. He thought his student was hot. And really, there was nothing wrong about it. She was 22, there were really only 8 years between them. The only thing that was a problem was U.A.'s policy on that. And that's why he had to cut the bullshit and stop being obvious about it.

Aizawa took a deep breath and took another sip from his coffee. With the shock of his new realization he had completely forgotten that it had become cold and disgusting. He grimaced, as he remembered. Only thirty minutes left until his Criminal Psychology class. With Kaori Shinsou in it. Fuck.

He was so used to talking to her about her assignments after class or to have a small chat in the classroom just before the course started. He was used to watching her write down immaculate notes, her sticking her pencil into her hair and forgetting about it for ages, her sitting up more and more when he wasn't calling on her on purpose. This whole thing would be harder than he thought.

With a sigh he got up to get rid of his coffee and hole himself up in the staff room. He didn't really want to talk to anyone right now, not after he had had this weird epiphany. His mind flashed the image of Shinsou's sad eyes at him reacting so coldly before him. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Fuck, this really would be hard.

[newcaptainofsquad9]

Overlay Me In Your Heart~Park Jimin x black! fem! reader {1}

Summary: After embarrassing yourself at your local arcade in front of popular, dance major (not to mention your school girl crush) Park Jimin, you seek advice on how to approach him, which is more than encouraged by your friends. Little did you know that Instagram would be the gateway, however once Jimin follows back, you can’t help but freeze at the realization. Can you manage to break through the constant filters and say-sos about Jimin to get to see him as a genuine person? And as a potential friend and eventual lover?      

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comedy, College AU, Slice of life, Smut(in later parts)

Word Count: 1, 839

Author’s Note: More Jimin because why not? (I know I’m biased) Also! My other Jimin fic, Mr. Flirt is on hiatus at the moment, I’m sorry if any of you guys really wanted me to continue that, I’m not really getting anything out of that fic at the moment. If you guys have any BTS or EXO requests send them my way! Hope ya’ll enjoy!

The first time I saw Jimin I thought he wasn’t real, like he was a model that stepped from the pages of Vogue. He doesn’t model, at least that’s what his best friend, Kim Taehyung told me when I asked him one afternoon in our Literature class. I wanted to ask him more about Jimin, yet I held back and saved it for Jungkook, who lives in the same building as I do and goes to Purple Bullet Arcade during the weekend too. That’s where I first saw Jimin, then and there as I lost all function: my eyes remained on his silver hair, white leather jacket, designer shirt and dark jeans that brought out the toned definition of his muscles extremely well.  

The Tekken round I was in the middle of was over once my attention got captured, leading Jungkook to make a comeback from his magic pixel of life. His guttural cry of victory broke me from my hypnotic fixation as both my eyes along with Jimin’s traveled over. 

“Finally!” Jungkook roared, “I beat you!”

I frowned as he continued to jump with glee, dancing like a goof without a care in the world. He stopped abruptly, eyes moved past me once I felt someone’s presence behind me.

“Hey Jimin!” he greeted. 

I turned, met Jimin’s smoldering dark brown eyes and froze. 

“Hey Kook,” he said, “you must be the one he beat, ah?”

“Ah, I’m I-I’m Y/N,” I said, “s-sorry I gotta go!”

  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Real smooth,” my best friend Denise says, “why’d you scurry out like a mouse?”

I cast my eyes down as I take in a sip of my vanilla latte. Magic Bean Cafe on campus makes the best, and it isn’t crowded on Fridays when Denise and I catch up. We also get to talk as loud as we want without anyone throwing looks our way, which is quite liberating especially after an 11 a.m lit class. 

“Um, you didn’t answer my question,” Denise presses as she leans across the table with a serious eye, “why were you so scary with Jimin?”

“Why wouldn’t I have been scared?” I counter, “Jimin is super intimating, he’s crazy gorgeous, popular as hell and he’s got like over a thousand followers, right?”

Denise shakes her head.

“Try half a mill and counting,” she says, “did you know he used to dance professionally in Busan before transferring here?”

“No,” I groan, “telling me that won’t help me.”

“Uh, yeah it will dude,” Denise notes, “most of his classes are in the liberal arts building and that’s where yours is as well so talk to him.”

I narrow my eyes at her. Did she not just hear what the hell just happened when I encountered him at the arcade?

“That’s easier said than done,” I say.

“Look, Jimin is super nice and I think you guys would hit it off,” she says, “Jin’s friends with him, along with Namjoon.”

Hearing her mention Jin makes me change the subject swiftly. 

“Jin eh?” I ask, “so how have things been with Jin, you guys make it official or what?”  

Denise scrambles a bit in her chair, attempting to play with her blue streaked braids as she struggles to find the words.

“We’re uh-”

She’s cut off by a sudden noise. 

“Your cheesy stuffed pretzel is ready!”

We both turn toward the counter of the coffee shop to see Jin in his well fitted white chefs apron and hat, posed elegantly on top of the counter with a plate that holds the said cheesy stuffed pretzel. 

I turn back to Denise who already has her head down on the table. Jin steps over to us with a model waiter stance: standing posed with his chin up and arm around his back.

“Hey Y/N,” he greets before turning back to Denise, “your snack Jagiya.”

I raise an eyebrow at the pet name.

“Jagiya, huh?”

Denise raises her head back up. 

“Yeah we are official,” she says, “kinda.”

Jin frowns. 

“Kinda?” he asks. 

Denise changes her tune quickly at Jin’s saddened tone.

“We are, we are,” she reassures, “it’s just a little embarrassing how you spoil me sometimes.”

“That’s because I want to,” he says, “now eat your pretzel Jagi.”

Denise rips off a piece prior to nudging the plate toward me. 

“Want a piece?” she asks.

I start to nod, yet Jin cuts me off.

“I can get her one! That one is for you to enjoy!” he scolds.

Denise rolls her eyes. 

“Jin, if you don’t.”

I chuckle at their apparent lovers quarrel. 

“Should I leave before the both of you start making out?” I joke. 

“No, wait!” Denise urges, “now that we got Jin here, he can tell you that Jimin is totally cool, right?”

I look to Jin who nods as he pulls up a chair to sit next to Denise. 

“Yeah, he’ll like you Y/N, you’re cool,” he explains, “wait, did you tell her about his Instagram?”

I grit my teeth as Denise nods.

“Yeah, what of it?”

“I wouldn’t go too much into that when you first talk to him,” Jin says, “he says a lot of American women are stunned by his amazing filters or whatever, I don’t know it word for word, but just try breaking the ice with something else!”

“Ok,” I say, “what would you suggest?”

Jin tilts his head. 

“Maybe dance?” he suggests, “that’s what he’s studying-”

“Or!” Denise growls, interrupting Jin, “you could be yourself and talk about gaming, take him to the Purple Bullet Arcade! You’re always there with Jungkook.”

“Yeah, but how would I know if I’m Jimin’s type?” I ask.

Jin tilts his head in confusion. 

“Eh! I already said he’ll probably like you!” he groans.

Denise nudges him in the ribs.

“Not what she meant,” she says, “she means black girls like us.”

Jin’s eyes widens but nods. It seems like that already had some sort of talk. Good. 

“Look Y/N, Taehyung always hangs out with the black frat guys and I think he dated a girl from the Step team,” she notes, “and Namjoon practically can’t keep his eyes away from the black women on this campus and I’m sure Jungkook-”

“Ok, I get it!” I say, “that’s Jimin’s company, but what about him?”

“I can’t tell for sure,” she says, “but the best thing to do would be to talk to him.”

I can only nod as the words get hammered into my head.

   ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Denise’s words, along with Jimin didn’t leave my mind as I sprawled over my messy, paper infested bed. I’m supposed to be reading Pride and Prejudice for my literature class, yet here I am scrolling through Instagram and absentmindedly liking my friend’s posts. 

Jungkook’s recent photo, he’s in front of the Purple Bullet Arcade.He’s dressed in a black hoodie and a beanie with the with one of his sleeves rolled up to show off his impressive muscle. The caption under the picture read: never skip biceps day or half off tokens day at the Purple Bullet Arcade! I mentally roll my eyes, but he’s shouting out the arcade. I got to like for that.

Namjoon’s photo comes next, he’s in a green cardigan with his glasses hanging on the edge of his nose and an open book in front of him. It looks like he’s in the Magic Bean Cafe. Of Course Jin would allow Namjoon to use it as his personal photo-shooting area, being that his parents founded the cafe and that they’re close friends. The caption under Namjoon’s picture read: finals are coming up guys don’t get too caffeinated and keep your heads in your textbooks!  At this point Namjoon is just asking to get roasted. That’s exactly what Yoongi did, another mutual friend of me and Denise.

His response was: no body looks that clean cut while studying, please take your prep school lookin ass back to the library!

It’s difficult not to hold in the laughter as my finger presses the heart to like the comment along with the post. For a good roast and roasting material. I continue to scroll until find Taehyung’s recent post and freeze. 

Taehyung looked flawless as always in his Gucci shirt and black slacks, yet he’s not alone in this one. He’s pictured with his arms around Jimin and Hoseok, both of them wearing baggy sweats and hats with matching logos. The caption under it read: just watched my bestie and his amazing dance partner practice, they’re gonna own this performance next month!  

I like it, of course, along with Hoseok’s comment with hearts and Jimin’s own with multiple smiley faces. My fingers don’t continue my pattern of scrolling however as my thumb hovers over Jimin’s username: ParkJimin_95.

I know Jin said not to bring up Instagram, but he didn’t say not to look at it when I’m alone. I click on his page before I over think  it, instantly regretting soon after.

I remain on his page a bit longer than I expected, fascinated by how stunning he is. The most recent pictures of him has him sporting his familiar silver hair, but his older pictures show him with various different colors: blue, pink, red, orange and black with different filters as well. I quickly scroll back, my heart skipping a beat once I realized that I accidentally followed him. Shit. 

I go to close the app, yet someone’s typing at me. My panic clears a bit once I realize it’s Namjoon. 

Namjoon: Get off instagram and study!

I roll my eyes.

Me: I was taking a break Joon.

Namjoon’s typing again. 

Namjoon: Oh ok, don’t stay on here too long!

Who’s mother does he think he is? No, I shouldn’t roast him, Yoongi already did that for me. Instead I answer back calmly.

Me: Sure mom!

Namjoon doesn’t respond back, good. Another notification pops up for me however and I click to see what it is. 

The notification read: ParkJimin_95 started following you. 

My thumb immediately finds the home button before I place my phone back onto my bed with it’s screen face down. Jimin, Park Jimin just followed me back. Maybe Namjoon is right, I should get back to studying. 

Just looking at Jane Austen’s bored expression on the back of my novel doesn’t get my brain’s wheels turning back towards the productive. Instead I gather up my phone again, it lit it up more Instagram messages: one from Jimin and one from Namjoon.

I ignore the one from Namjoon for now, because I don’t have time to be scolded and peek at the one Jimin sent me.

Jimin: Hey! I remember you from the arcade! So, you’re the infamous Y/N that beat Jungkook all the time.

I stare at the message for a moment, carefully put my phone into sleep mode and not open the message fully to leave him on read.

Maybe Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy can help me get my mind straight after all, cause I can’t seem to respond. At least not right now. 

Fin~Part I