#and then be miserable all afternoon
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wow a post vaccine baby is no joke! Haha I'm in danger dot gif.....
#mama blogging#i am soooo so staunchly pro vaccine. give my kid all of em. give me all of em. lets gooo#but boy. motherhood has honestly given me more compassion for anti vaxxers.#the individuals i mean. not the ones who profit over misinformation but like families without platforms#this is distressing!!!#i can see how if you were in or found the wrong circles you would quickly get some terrible ideas#i'm pretty emotionally vulnerable right now and i actually feel a pull to Blame Something For Baby Cry!#i am able to remind myself that the benefits outweigh the distress#but im not gonna lie watching your baby scream while he gets shots#and then be miserable all afternoon#sucks!!!!!#idk i think we probably dont do enough to support young families on a structural level and that contributed to antivax mess!!!#anyway. yay vaccines. please pray for me as my child mounts a hell of an immune response.
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OKAY BUT CONSIDER THIS:
Enjolras being sat down (by force) by Courfeyrac to watch Amélie, muttering "this is so stupid". He brings his laptop with him so at least he can get some work done whilst he appeases Courf.
Enjolras looking up every so often, noticing the way Amélie doesn't talk to the other children, has an acute attention to detail, develops her own logic for how to live her life and cares passionately about the people around her. Eventually the glances down to his laptop stop altogether.
Whilst Courfeyrac laughs too loudly and won't SHUT THE HELL UP, Enjolras is watching the girl who's just like him try to make her world a better place.
Combeferre is standing in the doorway with his arms folded, pretending not to be really interested in the film, but every time something happens he takes a little step forward.
And Enjolras watches the autistic girl get the guy. And maybe it's just a silly little film from 2001, but before his very eyes there is proof that it can be done. There is hope yet for happiness in a world not designed for him. The autistic experience is represented (accidentally perhaps) on screen in a way that didn't linger on her faults, and didn't subtly scorn and ridicule her, and Enjolras is...moved?
No, not moved. He would never be moved by something as stupid as a film. A stupid thing to think.
But when Courfeyrac suggests they watch it again a few weeks later, Enjolras does not say no. And this time he doesn't even bring his laptop.
#ENJOLRAS THINKS MATHIEU KASSOVITZ IS HOT SEND POST#sponsored by me watching amélie this afternoon#enjolras is autistic (we been knew) and HATES that he identifies with amélie of all people#Enjolras whispers a little “go girl” when amelie is fucking up the greengrocers house after hes a dick to lucien#courfeyrac talks through movies send post#les mis#les miserables#victor hugo#les misposting#enjolras#courfeyrac#combeferre#amélie#amélie 2001
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Can't believe xiyao went through a cottage core phase and it didn't even get a chapter of its own
#though I'd watch the hell out of an entire series of lan xichen getting up at usual lan-time to bake bread and get flour all over the#kitchen and himself#and kinda failing miserably#so no scone for breakfast as planned#and they boil eggs instead#they tend to a-yao's little vegetable garden in the afternoon#then a-yao goes through the mysteries of bakery with xichen once again#but this time a-yao messes it up cause he can't concentrate because he just touched xichen's hand and brain went blank#arggh the simple things you know?#xiyao#jin guangyao#lan xichen#mdzs#the untamed#enough you're going in the queue
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AUGH greats in my inbox.....
#I GOTTA GET READY FOR WORK. BUT. ILL BE THINKING AB THEM ALL AFTERNOON.....#the ram stuff esp ouchhhhh. i do in fact have a half finished wip abt virion teaching wibby how to handle firearms & being really miserable#thinking abt ram the whole time.... god.!!!! head in hands!!!!#pd lb
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#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
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Therapy session today. After it- I want to turn off my brain and eat a delicious snack. Get me out of here and let me rest, decompress, instead of GOING BSCK TO FUCKING WORKKK
#fucking hell do i hate goinng back fo work#im miserable#ev speaks#let me hug scooby all afternoon#okay!#when hes in my lap#his head gets in the way of me typing#:(#fuck im sad my grandma is aging#shes 90
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lmao so i think the other girl working for my client is about to get fired for trauma dumping and making out of pocket passive aggressive comments constantly akdnakjds why can’t anyone just be fucking N O R M A L
**also pls excuse the typos in my tags omfg i’m so annoyed that i can’t type ahahahHAHAHA
#IM NOT EVEN JIRNAL BUT LIKE#AT PEAST JORNAL ENOUGH TO WORK THIS JOB#THATS LITERALLY THE EASIEST FUCKING JOB IN EXISTENCE#i don’t get it???? would you rather work in fucking retail making $7-12/hr#or make $50/hr walking dogs and running light errands that don’t even take up the whole day#so you have the entire afternoon and evening to do whatever tf you want#also#DONT TRAUMA DUMP ON PPL EAPECIALLY WHEN THEYRE PERMANENTLY DISABLED#JFC#people are so fucking selfish and weird and incapable of doing literally anything ever i’m so FLABBERGASTED#by the goddamn attitudes of the people coming thru working for my client#she’s literally the nicest person ever and they’re all so fucking????? miserable and jealous and have SO much hate and anger in them#it’s always the good people who attract these pieces of shit is2g 😑#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#jfc never in my LIFE have i ever encountered so many people who are just#totally incompetent#this isn’t even a ‘nobody wants to work’ thing bc i’m an anarchist & of course i get that#but this isn’t a corporate job#it’s just a pure cash hustle where you play with puppies & get to listen to music all day while shopping#lmFAO#PLS EXPLAIN TO ME WHATS SO TERRIBLE ABOUT THAT#HOW IS THIS JOB HARD PLS FILL ME IN#BC I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND#FFFFFF#and i hope my client at least doesn’t fire her before this next weekend#bc i have plans with a new friend and i rlly do t wanna cancel 😭#NORMAL NOT JIRLMAL#OR WHATEVER#i don’t have autocorrect on and i can’t type for shit sorry
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#periodical life updates#lets hope this one goes better than the last one </3#anyway hi everyone. im in an entirely different timezone during this trip so its actually mid afternoon right now#thats not what this is about though this is about how im EXCITED FOR ARTFIGHT AS USUAL!!! lemmy posted his s/is and theyre so cute <3#also the theme reveal is coming on the 23! i hope its enough time for the theme templates? i love doing the theme templates with everyone :#this'll be my seventh year participating holy sht!! ive been doing this for seven (7) years!!!!!!!!#ive been feeling like ive been improving in art every artfight but idk how i'll fare this year. i feel like ive been a bit stagnant#and i did some PRETTY KILLER PIECES LAST YEAR;;; who knows if i'll top it; especially with summer college classes UGH#miserable about that btw. college my beloathed forever and ever amen. :/ ive been meaning to fix a few characters profiles and add some too#FINALLY going to separate kelly and jace! kelly is now the bureau of balance halfling only <3 ive been redrawing a new design of her :>#she has cute pointed ears now heho!! and actual more fantasy-esque clothes to fit her universe <3 jace is getting a separate profile!#jace is now solely my sona and i look SO much more gender now with the haircut and i can post my refs <33#i also want to post agent and icarus and all the javelins but that means i have to draw them actually hfjkh <33#i should also actually add something to shen's profile hfkjfh i care more about xer worldbuilding than xer character i feel </3#IVE BEEN MEANING TO GET QUEUE BACK UP but everytime i look at my drafts i feel so tired </3 theres ART i want to reblog!!!#ough. some other time. okay! im gonna get my artfight discord channel back up and running for the new artfight season! let's go let's go!#oh and i'll be sure to announce which team im joining obviously hdjfdh it'll probably be the lighthearted one <3#some of the themes this year are a little off? (stars vs nebula? heart vs soul? arent those the same thing?) but im hoping for the best <3#okay frfr going now! hope for queue soon maybe if i have time/energy! working on artfight! lets goooooo!! <3
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wow a post vaccine baby is no joke! Haha I'm in danger dot gif.....
#mama blogging#i am soooo so staunchly pro vaccine. give my kid all of em. give me all of em. lets gooo#but boy. motherhood has honestly given me more compassion for anti vaxxers.#the individuals i mean. not the ones who profit over misinformation but like families without platforms#this is distressing!!!#i can see how if you were in or found the wrong circles you would quickly get some terrible ideas#i'm pretty emotionally vulnerable right now and i actually feel a pull to Blame Something For Baby Cry!#i am able to remind myself that the benefits outweigh the distress#but im not gonna lie watching your baby scream while he gets shots#and then be miserable all afternoon#sucks!!!!!#idk i think we probably dont do enough to support young families on a structural level and that contributed to antivax mess!!!#anyway. yay vaccines. please pray for me as my child mounts a hell of an immune response.
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having a normal time (doing a vanny redesign as part of my college degree)
#🧍♂️this might be my most deranged brainrot fueled project decision yet#listen. Listen.#I Have To Use A Character From Preexisting Media. and everything else i could think of either didn't fit the requirements here or i wasn't#passionate enough about. points at security breach I CAN FIIIIX ITTTT#i won't get into it the point is. i am doing this now. i guess#literally spent all weekend agonizing over this and didnt even consider her until this afternoon when i just 'VANESSA—'#⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc
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Horrible little mood..... its bed time thats why.... mkay goodnight world and friends in my phone ily and am sending best wishes and all that good stuff mwah
#5 am again ! woooo! (sarcastic. not having fun. not slaying. evil hell world i am upset in sooo many ways and just Miserable really)#(feeling like a kicked little puppy dog just absolutely joyless and feeling bad in all the ways... dont know what happened... i was fine)#(-ish... fine-ish.. mood swings but i was handling it now its like everything sucks especially me and the suffering is endless#its because its bed time i know this but i do have valid reasons to be in agony and to feel miserable and like shit so i dunno!)#anyways. itll be fine im going beddy bye hopefully and hope you all will too if you need it and have a good day or afternoon or night
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I hate living in the middle of nowhere, multiple neighbors have gotten roosters that crow all the fucking time
#okay so there has been one across the street for a few years now and i hear it in the afternoon when i walk out to get the mail#but back in September the neighbors right outside my bedroom door got a roster and i hear it from my room almost all day#now its going in the middle of the night#heard it at 3am last night#ive always hated living in the middle of nowhwre but now its almost unbearable#if the wasps come back as bad as they were a few years ago then i think i might just have to move out i cant take it#like tbh this does not feel like home to me im so lonely i cant sleep well with the fucking roster we are 30 min away from EVERYTHING#and in the spring the wasps will probably be back because there were tons outside back in October#why does my family insist that this is home and i need to be here? im pretty miserable
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dude I feel normal (physically AND mentally) for the first time in like a week. that is insane
#rambling#the way it just switched off as soon as the meds wore off too. like last night I had a full blown panic attack. hyperventilating sobbing et#Cried some more in the morning when I woke up then at like. 9 AM? I was like ''actually. It's all good now''#I think I'll be fully recovered tomorrow??#absolutely insane how the last three days have been utterly miserable and this afternoon has just been Oh This is Fine
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i’m just so tired. and hurt. and upset. and it wasn’t even my fault this time
#suicide tw in tags /#i'm just so fucking tired of being a failure#i'm so tired of twisting myself into knots trying to satisfy people and make myself who they're idealizing#i'm sick of being mistreated i'm sick of not having money i'm sick of everything that'shappened this past year#i was in shock this entire afternoon and then i was delirious with laughter#and now i'm just in the fucking valley of depression. i don't see the point in trying#if someone hates me working at their store so much that they go to the manager#and tell them that i used a swear word in front of them#and the manager fires me for it while telling me i'm a perfect employee otherwise#then like. why even fucking try. if everyone's just going to have a problem with me#for being nice and enthusiastic#should i just become a bitter miserable person too? bc those are the only people#that seem to get ahead lmfao.#i don't know. i'm hurt and angry and i feel dead inside#i'm really really done with everything. i just wanna stop it all#i thought i was scared of death but man... if it will give me even a fucking second of peace#and get me away from these people who hate me and want me to be destitute with no income.#then.
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wait right i did have another dream
#why do i suddenly remember them only after a few hours#anyway this was from the afternoon nap not the new years sleep that was the bird girl#but yeah i went to my old highschool and usually thats never a good sign in a dream cause that usually means its going to be one of those#stress dreams where im stuck in school for no reason cause i didnt REALLY graduate and have to do it all over#but this time it was different like there was still that lingering feeling at first but then i was just like no im just here to#pick up my diploma im not doing the usual bs#and also it was VASTLY different now like the whole first floor was just a huge starbucks? it had like 5 or 6 counters each with employees#and staff but it was also mainly empty there were only like may 1 or two other people#and i immediately started speaking in english cause yknow and they just assumed i was foreign so they just started speaking to me in the#usual broken italian english and also the way the stuff you could order was displayed SUCKED like you just had a few items listed here and#there and every counter had different listings so you had to walk all over the place to get a good idea but eventually i just asked them#what frappuccinos they had and this guy told me like the 4 different flavors they had but they were all gibberish? like they were just#made up words lmao. so i just picked a random one and he gave me a weird look like are you SURE you want that one? and i was like uh fuck#maybe that other then?? and he approved of the other one so i was like yeah sure and still no idea what flavors they were#eventually i got my order and they didnt even do the name thingy? but i did read something on the cup#cant remember the name but they wrote something interesting i was like huh ok#anyway it fucking sucked it was just. barely a milkshake? no distinguishable taste even if it looked like chocolate and NO whipped cream#like tf. plus it had those boba balls but not the good ones that pop the bad ones i dont like that are sticky#it was a very miserable drink but i didnt wanna complain so i just drank like half of it before leaving lmao
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something almost comical about the fact that tomorrow morning i'll be back at uni for an internship as if i didn't spend the last week and a half mostly unable to get out of bed. idk i know i can do it because. well do i really have a choice. but it makes the last days a bit pointless which is really funny to me for some reason
#like i spent the whole afternoon crying but now i'm mentally preparing myself for tomorrow and the normal is coming back soo quickly#well not normal normal but it's really. wow you really did all that and for what. anyway#hii i'm back to posting too after playing dead for a while just to say i have been having a miserable time lately and i'll be#complaining about that a lot sorry if you don't want to see that just block the rambling tag#.parakeet
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