#and then attempt to reconstruct it

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

I've been utterly fascinated by Good (better? nicer?) Chase design by @lizard-color4 from this post and desperately wanted to know more. Who's this man? What's his story? Why is his hand bandaged? Why is his fashion taste is so much better than Original Chase? And why the hell does his hug looks so nice??

so i um, decided to explore his design a little ;D

also bonus+ sorta?? continuation / my take on the after hug because i really craved more of that

bonus++ a silly doodle of my first attempt on his design because why not

[roomba-mangga]

evilest decision i didn't realize i was making while writing thistle: he never refers to delgal as his brother, not even once. it's always just his king or his lord

[blueiight]

candyman wouldve been better if helen was also a black person, the racial unconsciousness of the (white american? im seeing them pop up) writing team there is why its giving metaphorical bbc anxieties post loving v virginia meets systemic infrastructural neglect in the projects resurfacing in the hauntings of a lynched black artist who was tortured for seeking his galatea.

[theaceofskulls]

I am in pain.

I found an ebook in one of the rarer subgenres I have an extreme fondness for, capes and masks pseudo-silver age superhero fiction (think City of Heroes or what you think of when you think of old superhero shows) that was extremely well reviewed only to find out that it's one of the most in-need-of-an-editor books you've ever read with mundane information repeated to you 3 times, so much extraneous dialogue, first draft worldbuilding, and too much time spinning its wheels before it even gets into its main plot.

Then you go back and read the reviews again and you realize that a lot of them are praising it for being better than most superhero fiction and you realize this is one of three things, A: they're burned out on the Big Two in comics, B: It's not YA literature, or C: it's because it's not smut, the latter of two eat up the majority of this tiny genre these days.

[disastrouscanasta]

Sleepover weekend! Hobby you’ve always wanted to get into?

my current hobbies are writing and military drill, so i feel like i could get into anything at this point

i have always wanted to be like really knowledgeable about really specific things. so does research on like one kind of wwi medical practice or knowing everything about clock upkeep or being the leading expert in western films count?

[fideidefenswhore]

The age gap [between Edward and Jane] is probably quite large [...] certainly, Henry and Thomas [Seymour] she's close to. [...] Her sisters...there's not really any evidence of her closeness to her sisters, [not to] Elizabeth or her sister Dororthy [...], which is quite surprising. [...] There's no evidence of interaction between [them] [...]

Not Just the Tudors, interview with Dr Elizabeth Norton (03/06/2024)

[haruichi-mamiya]

*stares out the window with my hands behind my back* the lovebrush life is real tough for people who like more than one guy

[fluentisonus]

shaking academics by the lapels like shut up about trying to reconstruct a historically accurate account of catullus' life with a factual chronology shut up about separating 'truth' from 'fiction' and the historical figure from the poetic one

[theskyexists]

just found an infinitely better book about shang dynasty times in china instead of the book which is 50% just whining about other people getting it wrong in lots of different longwinded theoretical ways not even sayign how exactly concretely

[thebisexualagendasblog]

All right, since it's the anniversary of the Titanic sinking, do you want to tell us about how the Carpathia sank?

i very much want to do that.

I feel a little guilty, sometimes, over this. I made all these innocent people fall in love with Carpathia, and then they go to read more about her and learn she was unceremoniously sunk in WWI and it understandably upsets them.

But I don’t think it should. So today I’m going to tell you what happened on July 17th, 1918.

There’s…poetry, in the story of Carpathia’s final hours. Sometimes things happen that make you believe in fate. Parallels. Things that ring true, the echoes of harpstrings across time. History doesn’t repeat itself but sometimes it rhymes.

She was a comfortable little cruise liner, not flashy but safe and steady; perfect for getting people where they needed to go. Arthur Rostron having been promoted and given a new position following the Titanic rescue, she was under the command of a Captain William Prothero. The British navy commissioned her as a troop carrier at the beginning of WWI, transporting supplies and soldiers from Canada to the European front. On this mission, she was part of a convoy en route from Liverpool to Boston.

This is how Carpathia dies: On the morning of July 17th, 1918, she is 120 miles off the coast of southern Ireland.

So is the German submarine U-55.

She takes one torpedo on the port side; the damage is serious, yet not catastrophic. But it knocks out her wireless. Her attempts to send an SOS fail.

The second torpedo hits the engine room.

Three firemen and two trimmers are killed instantly in the explosion that dooms her. One life would be too many, five men are dead and five families are in mourning. I do not dismiss or disregard that loss. But there will be no more casualties today. Carpathia has never given people over to Death without a fight.

The order to abandon ship is given calmly and professionally, long before the situation becomes desperate. Lifeboats are lowered in time, and filled quickly. They know what they’re doing, and they do it well. By the time she begins to sink in earnest, every person onboard is safely in a lifeboat and well away from her.

She stays afloat exactly long enough to save them. There are worse ends for a good ship than this: No one dies in the sinking of Carpathia. There is no terror in the dark, no drownings, no one trapped and forgotten.

The U-boat surfaces. There’s a third torpedo.

Carpathia buckles quietly and starts to vanish, and that harpstring…shivers.

There was another group of lifeboats, once. Alone and facing death, too small, too scattered, tossed like toys and struggling to stay together. Helpless on the open ocean.

This is not the sinking of the Titanic. Carpathia has done everything right, and her people are still alive. They can still be saved. But this is not the sinking of the Titanic, and the threat is not cold and time but German torpedoes.

And this time, Carpathia cannot come for them.

There is a cosmic cruelty in this moment. It’s wrong, an injustice the universe can hardly bear. It’s not fair, for Carpathia’s story to end like this. It’s not right. 706 lives were saved because of a moment of kindness and a friendly wireless transmission; she should not go down cut off and silent, unable even to cry out. This ship who gave so much, who tried so hard, who broke and transcended herself in a thousand tiny moments of bright glory, burning hope as fuel against the dark–for her to die alone, and have no one even try to help.

U-55 comes about. Its machine guns train on the lifeboats.

HMS Snowdrop appears on the horizon.

She’s a little thing, relatively speaking; not a battleship, not a destroyer. A minesweeper sloop on patrol–important but not terribly prestigious. But another member of the convoy, seeing the steam liner taking on water and understanding the radio silence, has sent Carpathia’s SOS for her. And Snowdrop may not be the strong arm of the British navy, but she is no refit passenger liner.

U-55 has done what it came to do; its crew came here to eliminate ship tonnage, not risk themselves and their vessel over a few lifeboats. There is a brief exchange of gunfire with Snowdrop, but U-55 quickly peels off to run.

Carpathia disappears quietly. It breaks my heart that we lose her–but far better, always, to lose a precious ship than to lose her crew. She will sink and drift more than 500 feet below the surface before she settles, almost upright, on the ocean floor. She will rest there until 1999, when an expedition that could not bear to forget her, that could not bear not to try, will finally locate and identify her wreckage.

But that’s in her future. Right now, on a clear morning off the coast of Ireland, the minesweeper HMS Snowdrop takes on 215 people–save for the five lost in the engine room explosion, the entire ship’s company.

The date is July 17th, 1918, and RMS Carpathia has pulled off her last miracle.

[cosycafune]

SCREAM UNTIL HE BREAKS YOU:

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

being fought by ovulation is hard, but trying to fuck yourself with your angry roommate around is harder. it doesn't help when he storms into your room, enraged, begging to angrily fuck you and soothe his heavy balls. the only requirement is for you to survive the night. can you?

acts: sizing, creampies, rough sex, degrading, breeding kink, filming, spanking, mating press, backshots, crying, bed breaking, choking, power difference kink, missionary, masturbating, and potentially more. mdni 18+. reblogs are appreciated. masterlist. quite short. 1.5k words.

jjk men: satoru gojo, kento nanami, toji fushiguro, choso kamo and suguru geto. art by sakimenz on patreon.

satoru gojo ♡ · · ୨୧ ˚₊

“Fuck, Satoru! Ngh! So close!” Plunging your fingers so frantically inside you, flustered by the thought of being pounded by your roommate, you accidentally mewl loudly. 

“‘Need you…so badly,” Swiftly coming undone, you soppily bury your fingers further – panting before you hear your bedroom door swiftly open.

Met with the furious scenery of an angered Satoru, your heart swirls with embarrassing anticipation. Unable to shed your mortification, you gasp at being completely exposed – your slick fingers snuggly within your cunt.

Satisfied, you heavily pant – greeting the longing within Satoru’s eyes. Crumbling beneath Satoru’s story-filled gaze, you gently pull your fingers out with a lewd squelch – attempting to hide your gushing release. Your cunt is completely soaked, fluttering over nothing – perfectly facing an intimidating Satoru.

“Why’d you stop?” Taunting you, Satoru wickedly grins, “Heard you moaning my name, so don’t act shy now.” Relishing your embarrassment, Satoru stalks over to you – tension-filled.

“S-Sato’!” Naively battering your lashes, you turn to your side – faced with the scenery of Satoru’s monstrous erection.

Paired with his anger from losing a basketball game, you knew you would be destroyed and irreparably damaged.

“You were begging for it, so it’s time for you to take it,” Intrigued at your flustered state, Satoru speaks – subconsciously cupping his caged cock.

“D-Don’t hold..back,” Battering your lashes, you propose that Satoru completely strip you of your worth – breaking and moulding you for just him.

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

Smushed against Satoru, you’re barely able to breathe – shoved into the meanest mating press by him. Your coherency is lost while Satoru vigorously plunges his cock within you, filling your cunt with his inhumane cock. His veiny, anger-carry cock almost kissed against your cervix with each rough collision, leaving you as a beautiful cage for his anger.

“Don’t get mad… when I fill you,” Glancing down at a sobbing you, overwhelmed by his swift cock, Satoru lustfully smiles.

“Ah! ‘M yours! Strengthening his degrading pace, you repetitively moan – mentally stunted by a stupidly smug Satoru.

“Mhm, so…handle every inch,” Satoru grunts out, momentarily pulling out before burying himself deeply in your warm cunt – splitting you apart with his twitching.

“Imma…good girl,” Crying, pleading for Satoru to reconstruct you, he happily finishes within you – unwilling to free you as his fruitful seed shot against your cervix.

“Hm, you are,” Momentarily praising you, Satoru finishes again – his large batch of cum coddling your pampered cervix.

–

kento nanami

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

Perched before your laptop in the living room, you softly toy with your soppy clit – attempting to rid yourself of your orgasm. Settling on the couch like this was risky, but the Twitter porn video you watched completely consumed you. Your ovulation cycle broke your rational thinking, leaving you to fuck yourself with a dildo – fixated on the fact that the couple looked like you and Kento.

“Kento! ‘M taking you!” Sinking the dildo within you, you almost scramble at the front door opening – unable to gift you time to flee.

Listening to the door slam shut, your chest shatters at Kento’s notorious footsteps stopping behind your couch. Trembling, feeling his gaze on your cunt, you gulp. Gulp as the dildo’s so deeply within you, his tension something you could feel from ages away.

“Screaming my name?” Kento’s deadpan tone causes you to swirl with timidness, unsure of what to do.

“I-I’m s–”

“--Don’t apologise now,” Obeying Kento’s response, you wait, “I’ll take my anger out on you since you’re so rough with yourself.” Walking around the couch, Kento finally glances at you – hatred welling in his eyes.

“Mhm, guess I’ll have to thank your mission going wrong,” At your misplaced teasing, Kento hurriedly pulls the dildo out of you – shoving it into your mouth.

“I will not go easy on you,” Making a promise, Kento begins to madly shed his clothes. Kento’s lust-coated from your irresponsibily nude frame, perched so prettily before his hungry gaze.

You gave yourself away to a monstrous version of himself. Rough sex is his favourite whilst angry.

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

“Mercy…Kento!” Obliterating your swollen cunt, Kento harshly slaps your ass – making sure that his large balls bash against your sensitive clit.

“Until you say…your safeword,” Picking up his speed, Kento burrows your head further into the couch – filling your stomach with his girthy cock.

“C-Can’t…handle,” Blurting your strained plea, completely at his mercy, Kento grows animalistic – fucking you with an impossible might that makes you dizzy.

“I’ll…break you,” Kento threatens, crashing his weight against your perched ass – smacking your stinging bubble butt.

“Ngh!” Incapable of complaining, you scream as Kento’s cock twitches – cumming in you at a speed that makes your teary eyes roll back.

“Not done with you, sweetheart,” Pleased, Kento angrily converses, “Keep that ass up,” Commanding you, Kento grins – panting mercilessly.

toji fushiguro

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

“‘Need to…ride Toji! Ah!” Finishing against your vibrator, you desperately grind against it – savouring your sensitive clit.

“Need…to sit on his…cock,” Weeping, shuddering at the thought of Toji overwhelming you with his strength, you almost collapse with pleasure.

Fantasising about Toji, you tenderly rub your tingly clit – irredeemable. Such a thing was forbidden, but you find yourself consumed – ovulation tearing up your every thought. Every thought until you gasp one of your plump breasts, harshly squeezing your taut nipple.

“Toji–”

“--Stop calling my name!… Wow.” With precision, Toji swings open your bedroom door – halting midspeech.

Beautifully astonished, Toji almost falters – captured by your nude physique grinding against a vibrator. Grinding with desperation, moaning out his name with discouraged desperation – hungering for his divine cock.

“I didn’t mean to–”

“Don’t tempt me and think you’re getting away,” Licking his lips, Toji thrives within your nerves – responding to you with predatory intent.

“Please, I’m ovulating,” Unable to quell your physical turmoil, you pathetically plead for Toji to either break you or impregnate you.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

“I’ll…get you pregnant,” Thrusting his cock into you, Toji passionately grunts – forcing you to ride his bucking cock.

“Yes! Fill… me up,” Close to toppling over, you barely manage to handle Toji’s fat cock stretching out your cunt – closing in on your vulnerable womb.

“Mhm, I'll take you…like this every day,” Toji greedily musters out, a frantic moaning mess at your soppy cunt completely gripping him – tender at finishing so many times.

“‘Want…to not breathe,” Desperate for him to destroy you, Toji pushes you down to the base of his cock – watching you almost scream with pleasurable agony.

“Being…pregnant will do just that,” Grinning, Toji whimpers – bucking his hips consistently before he fills you with his ripe seed.

He wouldn’t let you rest until he tore your sanity apart.

–

choso kamo

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

“Mhm, my pussy’s so empty,” A desperate mess, you’re yearning for cock — physically willing to hunt for it. Your lonesome cunt yearns to be stuffed with cum.

“Cho’, you’d…stuff me well,” Grunting, a profound mess, you whine intensely — desperate for Choso to obliterate your primal cunt.

“Ah! Cho!” Fucking yourself in your bedroom, filling the apartment with your moans, you fail to notice the silent presence lingering before your door.

Choso.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Before you knew it, your physique was folded, clouded with the thickness of Choso’s cock. Usually, Choso’s tinted with softness. However, softness failed to be his forte this time. With Choso angry, his demeanour held not an ounce of gentleness — roughness filling him.

“Baby, look…at me,” Choso harshly commands you, glancing down at a pretty you within missionary.

“Ah! Cho’!” Corrupted by Choso, you prettily moan — completely worshipping Choso’s cock.

As he’s about to cum, the two of you hear your apartment door open — but that doesn’t stop Choso from cumming his deepest inside of you. If he had to, he’d make you carry his child. A sign of you handling his brutal thrusts, contradicting his usually aloofness.

suguru geto.

Naturally, Suguru’s always two steps ahead. Even as you intensely thrust your fingers within yourself, he can’t help but observe you from your parted door — listening to you beautifully moan his name. Moan his name so dirtily, your dignity barely holding on.

“Sugu’,” That’s all it took before Suguru despicably pounced on you, filling you with his cock — his degrading camera filming you. Filming you as he accidentally broke your bed, pounding into you at a might that completely ruined your cunt. Your cunt that screams and squelches, torn apart by Suguru’s bubbling, cunning anger.

All until he cums inside of you, swelling your stomach with his cum as a reward.

sukuna.

Before you could even play with yourself, Ryomen’s already on you — fucking you angrily. Love bites, slap marks, and choking overtook you. Ryomen left no stone unturned, completely ruining your cunt — shoving you into the meanest mating press. Not an ounce of you could breathe, but Ryomen couldn’t care less. If he needed a sexual outlet, that would now be a precious, naive you.

do not modify, claim or repackage my work. all rights reserved; cosycafune. 2024. small dividers by cafekitsune <3

[multishipper-baby]

I said before that I wanted the characters to be fucked up and I decided to recycle an idea from an old AU and fuck up Eak's hand. Except this time he fares a little better because he only lost two fingers instead of the whole thing. Good for him.

[arolesbianism]

Oh oxygen not included printing pod we're rly in it now

[sunderwight]

SV fic where Shen Yuan rationally decides to be gay. For rational, strategic reasons. He has to do it.

Reason 1: every woman in the world has pretty much been reserved for the protagonist. trying to get with anyone would seal his fate as a rival, on top of a villain! he's basically either got to spend the rest of his life a bachelor or find another option.

Reason 2: obviously as a straight man Shen Yuan would prefer the bachelor option, but that's just leaving him wide open to attacks! Shen Qingqiu already did a poor job of cementing any alliances, having no family to speak of and pissing off the majority of his sect siblings. frankly he's left Shen Yuan in a bind that only some kind of concrete financial and social alliance could solve!

Reason 3: no man wants to die a virgin, right?

Reason 4: increasingly progressive standards in fiction have actually made it gauche to kill off openly gay characters. while a stallion novel might still go in that direction, it's not like he could make his fate much worse, so it's worth a shot, right?

anyway this all leads to Shen Yuan carefully reconstructing the image of Shen Qingqiu into the token complicated gay character. obviously he's not going to put the moves on any of his disciples (he doesn't want to fall into those gay stereotypes!), but to cement the image of himself as a gay man he's going to need to put the moves on someone.

it's a shame that the OG was so well-established in his enmity towards the sect leader. Yue Qingyuan seems like he might have at least entertained such interest, although he's also more of a brotherly type and probably not gay, so perhaps it's for the best in the long run.

luckily, another option falls right into Shen Qingqiu's lap (almost literally!) when he saves Liu Qingge from a qi deviation.

Liu Qingge is actually the perfect target for an unrequited crush. it recontextualizes some of his and the original's enmity, Liu Qingge was dead in the original story so it's not likely to mess up anything worse than him just being alive does, Liu Qingge is beautiful enough that it's believable anyone would be secretly in love with him, and a war god is almost certainly straight, which gives Shen Qingqiu time to adjust to the idea of living as a gay man for the rest of his (hopefully long) life. y'know, before he finds an actual gay to partner with!

the only downside is that coming on to Liu Qingge might discourage him from protecting Shen Qingqiu and repaying his debt in the long run. luckily, that doesn't seem to be the case! despite his face frequently turning red (from anger?) and him sometimes literally fleeing at Shen Qingqiu's awkward attempts at flirting, Liu Qingge never misses an appointment to cleanse his meridians, and seems to take his safety and well-being very seriously.

what an honorable man!

shame that Luo Binghe doesn't seem to like him, though. Shen Qingqiu's not sure what to make of all that. that's your future brother-in-law, Binghe! at least make an attempt to win him over! oh well. at least he's not ruining a relationship between in-laws that otherwise could have been good, as he makes extra sure to subtly bemoan, in front of Luo Binghe, the tragedy of his deep unrequited love for Liu Qingge. for like the third time that week.

[redflagshipwriter]

The Proposal

This mini fic was inspired by the anon prompt to @faeriekit linked here and all the development that Faeriekit did for the idea. This fic is perilously regional. I half expect angry yelling from other areas of the Midwest.

Original post

Word count: 2718

Masterpost of my Archive Down Fics is here.

Jason came to with cream cheese stuck under his fingernails and in the creases of his fingers. He looked around the room wildly, trying to understand the situation he was in. The kitchen smelled fucking weird. He sniffed the air. Meat? Like, ham and also vinegar?

He washed his hands really well, grimacing at the greasy texture. Then he reconstructed what must have happened by the debris. This was not his first post-blackout rodeo, but usually he was reconstructing a literal crime scene.

There was an empty pickle jar on the countertop. There were packets of deli meat in the trash.

There was some kind of abomination on his nicest plate, which was obviously made of cream cheese wrapped around pickles, blanketed by the meat, and sliced thin like sushi rolls. It was lovingly protected by a perfect sheet of cling wrap.

“The fuck?” Jason said, a little scared and pissed off.

He paced the kitchen for a while and then went to pace on the balcony, because he needed a smoke to process this culinary abomination but something in his gut wailed at the tragedy of ruining it with cigarette smoke. Which was absurd, partly because the plate was in the refrigerator. He sensed in his bones that it needed to cool until the cream cheese was as hard as it would get, so that he could safely transport it. Transport it fucking where? Was this an assassination attempt against Batman? That sappy motherfucker was probably the only man in the world who would choke that down to make Jason happy.

He had a long drag on his cigarette and tried to ignore the way his fingers shook.

“Okay,” he said, squeezing his free hand shut and opening it. Maybe stimming would prompt his brain to go brr and explain this. “Did I have a stroke? Maybe I was possessed?”

It was hard to tell. He ground out his cigarette and tossed the butt in the tray before venturing back inside. He was calm. He was more centered. He flicked on the kitchen fan to clear out the pickle stink and then he went and put on his coat and grabbed the plate.

Why was he doing that?

The compulsion led him three blocks before he realized where he was going.

Not far away from the safehouse he was in, some college freshman had wasted the Joker when the clown tried to drag him into a van. He had called the police, crying the whole time in shock about being a murderer.

Jason had not been on the scene. He had only heard through comms. He had been out of town when the Joker got out. He had been rushing back on his bike, heart pounding and sick with nerves at the thought of his family out there without him.

And then the fucker had failed to secure the first victim for whatever sick play he’d had in mind, and the poor out of town kid who had apparently never heard of the Joker was breathing a sigh of relief that ‘oh, this wasn’t like, a birthday clown? Whew, that’s alright then,’ previous guilt over ending a life all gone.

Jason liked that. It was hugely undignified that the Joker had been got by someone who didn’t even know who he was. If he’d known, it would have killed his ego. As it was, Jason had laughed himself nearly sick before barricading himself inside to read the file Timmers put together on Danny Fenton.

Well. If his gut said that he should deliver this horrific dish to Fenton as thanks for the murder, well…

Jason grimaced. He just wouldn’t be seen doing it. If Fenton thought it was an assassination attempt and called the cops, Jason would never fess up.

He broke into Fenton’s apartment, very glad that the guy was in class at the moment. He mourned the loss of his plate but honestly, this was the least destructive black out he’d had, so it was whatever. He put the pickle rolls in the fridge, looked around, and then left. He was done. He’d thanked Fenton, or whatever (maybe he’d attacked him, honestly, Jason didn’t know how he would react to finding that trash in his fridge.)

It could end now.

The next morning, Jason scrubbed away a yawn and realized that he had just scraped a mess of chopped snickers bars into a bowl that already had clouds of something white and -

He took out a piece and bit into it to confirm that it was perfectly cubed green apple.

“I am possessed,” Jason said in horror, looking around the counter to see what the Pit Madness had cooked up this time. Why did the fucking Lazarus Pit know these recipes?

The white shit was a mix of cool whip and vanilla pudding, apparently. There was an untouched bottle of caramel sauce waiting innocently.

“...Does that go in?” Jason wondered, vaguely horrified.

Well, maybe an evil witch was doing this to him. Bottoms up. He poured caramel in until it felt right, guided by what had to be someone else’s goddamn ancestors, and then mixed it all up with a spoon.

This looked a lot better than the last thing. Jason scraped it into a bowl and then stole a spoonful of it to try.

“Holy shit. It’s like eating a caramel apple,” he said, muffled around the food. He swallowed and genuinely considered taking more.

Nope! His gut said nope. This was another offering for–

“Hold up, offering?” Jason put it in the fridge, clingwrap on top, and let his mind be blown. He put his face in his hands and just reeled. He was making offerings for this motherfucker now. He opened his phone, intending to search the things he’d been blackout making and froze.

His lock screen was Danny Fenton’s police intake photo, looking pretty relaxed after he'd been told the booking was a formality.

“I don’t remember doing that!” Jason frantically changed it back to his old lock screen, a grimy alleyway with a hilariously shaped filth puddle and one of his favorite rats.

He snuck this dessert thing into Fenton’s fridge, collected his clean plate with some relief, and left. He didn't know if Fenton had eaten that shit or if he'd thrown it away, but at least he'd washed the plate.

“That was the last time,” Jason told himself, pacing around his room. He wasn’t– that was two days in a row now that he had a normal day, went out on patrol, went to bed, and woke up in his kitchen. It wasn’t going to happen again.

He chainsmoked all day to such a degree that Stephanie Brown saw him, whined “Dude,” in disbelief, and jumped off a building while holding her nose to get away from him. It was a fair reaction. He had a shower before patrol so that no one could make a connection between Jason, stinkiest man in Gotham today, and the Red Hood, a guy who owned a shower.

Patrol went fine. He caught himself veering past Fenton’s shitty apartment building twice but no one was nearby enough to call him out for it.

He went to bed and got a jumpscare because at some point of his most recent fugue state he'd gone out and bought a bunch of wedding magazines and made them into a nest. He made a roar of frustration and pushed them off the bed with only a twinge of interest in what that swan centerpiece was made of.

Jason went the fuck to sleep, determined to walk this off.

He woke up the next morning in his kitchen. “Cream cheese, again,” Jason complained. He gave the bowl he was mixing a furious stir and then shoved it in the fridge.

Cream cheese, chopped meat, and chopped green onion. He searched the internet to identify the fucker. This was a cheeseball.

…He frowned, thinking of the fugly mess in the bowl.

It was the larval form of a cheeseball, he amended.

Why did he know this shitty recipe.

Stomach tight with dread, he looked up the other things. Day one was a pickle roll. Day two was snickers salad.

These were all real Midwestern potluck dishes. He hadn't made them up. Why did the pit know these recipes?

The Snickers salad offended him as a concept and he bitterly regretted finding it delicious.

“Salad,” Jason repeated in aggrieved disbelief. It was good but it was no goddamn salad. “I could just make him a real salad. Will this end if I bring Fenton good food?”

It wasn't the worst idea. He put a pin in it.

Grimly, as if he was going off to war, Jason researched how to shape the ball. If he was doing this, which apparently he was for no goddamn reason, he was going to do it to perfection. When he was done he wrapped it up tight, got an assortment of crackers, and left it at Danny Fenton’s apartment with a sort of tired resignation that this might as well be happening.

This time was different. This time, Fenton was home.

Jason barely avoided being seen by rushing out the window over the sink and hiding from the immediate line of sight. He was, however, close enough to hear–

“Holy shit, is that a cheeseball? Who loves me?” and then some truly ghastly, wet crunching as Fenton tore through the crackers and cheeseball like a wild beast. It felt like being in a horror film. Jason very badly wanted to leave. Jason very badly wanted to crawl back inside and present himself for a scrap of Fenton’s approval.

What the fuck? What the fuck!

He fled. And this time, he decided to take action. He was going get out of this sick mind trap and-

“Nothing wrong with you, it's not a curse,” Zatanna said, bored about it. “Whatever is going on is safe, sane, consensual, and none of my business.” She portalled away before Jason could argue that it did not feel sane. He was having an entirely new category of mental breakdown and when one of the Bats found out about it, he was going to be a case study.

Fine. He gritted his jaw. New plan. Maybe he could beat the curse by showing it up.

He called out of crime for the day and ignored the confused commentary in the background of his phone call– can he do that? Of course he can, he’s the friggin’ boss– and spent it furiously researching. He needed a crowning achievement. He needed to find out what was sacred in this culinary tradition, master it, and then tell the compulsion to suck on bricks.

Casserole. The answer was a casserole.

Jason scrolled through dozens of recipes, scowling fiercely. That was no good. That offended his senses. He just knew that would be bland. He-

“Do I want to make that?” Jason asked aloud, puzzled by his fixation on the old-fashioned goulash casserole recipe. Worcestershire sauce– he didn’t have that in this safe house for sure. Beef, pasta, tomatoes… yeah, okay. This was the one. For no fucking reason at all, this was the one.

He went out shopping like he usually went on life-or-death missions, full of grim purpose.

He got back and assembled his ingredients. It was not exactly a challenge to follow the recipe. Jason turned off the stove top and froze in place. “I don’t have an ancestral pan,” he said, horrified. Holy fuck. How could he dare to give it in a regular baking pan- he had to get one. Where the fuck does one acquire an ancestral casserole pan on short notice?

Panicked, he called the Manor, hands shaking as he packed the whole thing up and stuffed it in the fridge to keep it food safe until he could bake it.

Bruce answered, sounding a little choked up. “Hello, Jason, so glad-”

He hung up. He texted Tim. “I need you to steal something for me from the Manor.”

“You’re allowed in, you gigantic freak,” Tim wrote back.

Jason did some meditative breathing and resorted to outright pleading immediately. “What do you want? I will give you whatever you want. I just need an ancestral casserole pan.”

“I am NOT stealing from Alfred’s kitchen,” Tim wrote back. Which was fair. “Drake ancestral pan alright?”

Jason thought about it. It was still a family pan, sorta. By the transitive property, and that was a perfectly good property. He sent back a thumbs up, his GPS pin, and the word “Hurry.”

A while later, Tim dropped off a glass dish, loudly said “I don’t wanna know,” and slammed Jason’s door shut.

Fine. He was already moving his stuff from the now-cold frying pan into the casserole dish. It went into the oven from there. Jason spent the bake time trying to think of new coping mechanisms, because apparently smoking wasn’t up to this level of mental fuckery.

He waited out the bake time. He let it cool enough to be safe to travel with but hot enough to deliver warm. Jason grappled to Danny Fenton's apartment for the fourth time in four days, let himself in, and nearly jumped out of his boots when he realized that Fenton was in the kitchen watching him.

“Hey,” Fenton said. He was sitting on his counter in his pajamas, eating ice cream out of the bucket with a spoon. He was certifiable. Jason wanted to cross the room and kiss whatever Fenton would let him. Hands, face, feet, whatever.

Wow, weird.

“...Hey,” Jason said, way too late.

Fenton crunched down on his ice cream. “...That a casserole?” He said.

Jason nodded wordlessly, feeling very grateful that he had his hood on. He put the casserole down on the counter. He took a step backwards to flee.

Fenton pointed at Jason with the spoon, wholly unintimidated by the heavily armed man who'd broken into his house. “This is a proposal.”

Oh. Oh, motherfucking shitsocks. Jason felt weak through the knees. It was. Why was- why was he proposing??

Fenton took in his shock with a detached air. “Huh,” he said, like he'd learned something from this. “Um, it's nice of you and all. Have you been like, fixated on me for a while or- ohhh. I avenged you, didn't I?” He dropped the spoon in his ice cream carton and slapped both his palms down on the countertop. “He killed you? That sucks, man,” Fenton empathized. “I get it. I think if someone smashed the portal with a hammer I'd be down on one knee.”

Jason's brain was simply not running any program any longer. He gaped. He wasn't coherent enough to ask why Danny knew he'd been murdered by the Joker, but he had his shit together well enough to be fixated on the point.

“Um, it's not usually me being chased,” Fenton said. He made a face. “I… huh, I think I'm flattered.” He very obviously gave Jason a once-over. “I suppose this is your way of showing that you're a provider.” He heaved himself off the counter and went to investigate the casserole, sniffing and lifting the lid. “Oh, fuuuuuuck,” Danny groaned. He sniffed appreciatively. “Good demonstration of your husband material, t-b-h.”

Jason resisted the urge to tackle him to the ground.

“That's the good stuff.” Fenton closed it back up, but not before giving his ice cream spoon a considering look.

Oh, yuck. This guy was so grungly. Jason needed him badly. He shuddered.

Fenton looked at him.

Jason looked back.

“Do you wanna try moving in and see how we get on?” Fenton offered. “Take it slow, no wedding just yet.”

“Absolutely.” Jason full-body twitched with just how eager he was. “How do you feel about swans?”

“Neutral,” Danny said, after a brief moment of consideration. “I like stars, though.”

Okay, so that would be their wedding theme.

Jason only realized he'd said that aloud when Fenton's eyebrows shot up. Mortified and really wondering what was wrong with him, Jason offered a weak smile.

Fenton made a considering noise. He crossed his arms. He looked Jason up and down. “...Can you grill?” He asked. “Like, beer chicken?”