#and then as time goes on i realize his artifacts are actually so shit

[m1d-45]

It’s never too late!!! Do not give up! Keep saving your starglitter! You will get him and everyone else you want!!

- cryo anon

i’m not, and i am! the only thing is i do have to wait like 4 months— hopefully by then i’ll have enough for his c2 (despite obsessing over him early game i have no idea what his cons are- but you said c2 was good so-?)

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 20

welcome to the twentieth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics. 

1. for we are the beautiful thieves by @caimani-ao3

Keith and Lance go undercover (sort of) at General Iverson's gala to steal back an Altean artifact the general stole while treasure-hunting. Keith's job? Sneaking away in the middle of the party to find the artifact. Lance's job? Looking pretty in a dress.

love love LOVE adventure fics this shit ROCKS. voltron?? thief archeologists whose main goal is to steal artefacts from rich asshole collectors and return them to where they came from?? iconique!! klance playing the pretty distrction?? iconique moreso!! 

2. ring my bell by @dumdum692 [EXPLICIT]

And granted, Keith has always been a sore spot for him in this way; Lance has always felt at odds with his domesticated temperament, and Keith holds absolutely none of that. Keith doesn't give two whopping shits about getting pimples, or if Stacy in English class thinks he has bad breath. Keith isn't standing zombie-eyed in the purple lights of a party, plotting woe-is-me narratives of his own melancholia and loneliness, gazing detachedly into a red Solo cup full of jungle juice - he just is, and that's always made Lance, in equal parts, devastatingly embarrassed and devastatingly horny.

Sadly, this scale weights significantly more towards the horny end as of late, because Keith is developing quite a few, very distinctly Galra characteristics, and it's driving Lance absolutely buck fucking nuts.

______________________________________________

Keith goes through puberty. Devastation ensues.

this fic is a proud truther of two important things: a) lance’s type is literally anyone who can kick his ass and look good doing it, and b) lance has a big vocabulary entirely so he can be as melodramatic as possible whenever he so pleases. and i for one am thankful for its service.

3. Cross My Path by @wittyy-name [EXPLICIT]

Lance owns a witch themed cat cafe that rescues black cats. Each one has a unique collar and color coded name to help tell them apart. He's not supposed to play favorites, but he's already adopted his favorite, Red, as his own. Cold and distant to everyone, Red is extremely affectionate to Lance. Needy. Clingy. Protective. But Lance doesn't mind. He makes Lance's home a little less lonely. He's a little weird, but aren't all cats? He loves his baby boy, and he's eternally grateful for the day that little black fluff ball crossed his path.

Lance doesn't think twice about Red's odd quirks. That is, until he wakes up with a naked stranger in his bed.

And hey! Turns out Red is actually a witch named Keith who's been cursed to be a cat for twenty years. A really hot witch who's still very affectionate towards Lance.

any fic that’s tagged with catboy keith is a winner in my book tbh. and this fic is AMAZING the entire concept is unbelievably cool and the storyline is adorable!! also healthy relationship boundaries and expectations for the win!! plus rough sex also!!

4. know by petalloso

Keith couldn’t feel his legs. Upon further realization, he couldn’t feel his arms either, or his hands. He could, however, feel Lance’s hands, and they were all over him, running up and down his chest in inspection, tilting his chin this way and that, pulling him up from the floor where he figured he’d landed probably because his knees had just given out on him.

“Stupid,” he heard Lance say. “You blew out your legs.”

those 2016 fics man!! they never miss they just dont!! insane to me that this author apologises for being ooc as if their portrayal of keith is not the most in character portrayal possibly ever lol. AND this fic has oldest child lance my beloved

5. stud by petalloso

“Ow.”

Keith stops in his tracks, listening. The voice comes again, louder and more elongated this time, muffled behind the door.

“Ouch,” it says, and then, “shit shit shit.”

lance IS the type of impulsive dumbass to pierce is own ears, and i thank this writer greatly for pointing that out. this fic is cute and sweet and silly which are my three for three basically

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[wazzappp]

Alright whose ready to see my lose my mind over continually more ridiculous au ideas? Trick question your gonna see it happen anyway (I have. so much bullshit. i have an entire other au that I havent posted about yet and i am thinking. about the re7 au again brother. I have fallen into the pits don't come save me or I'll drag you down too).

also jesus FUCK @moosemonstrous coming in clutch again with both star wars knowlege and the ability to actually remember things beyond a day and a half of talking about them THANK YOU.

STAR WARS AU

The Jedi originally came to Tatooine looking for Gabe. Sensing his strength with the light side of the force they thought he would be a prime candidate for training. Unfortunately for them, Robbie and Gabe are a package deal. They begrudgingly allowed him to come along as well because he is also force sensitive, but a little older than they would usually let in for training. Robbie agrees to because 1. if he just says no who KNOWS if they'll just take Gabe away forcefully and 2. STEADY FOOD SOURCE. ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS. ADAQUATE MEDICAL CARE. NO MORE FUCKING SAND. He doesen't trust these people as far as he can throw them but FUCK anything must be better than here.

During a sparring session another padawan purposefully infuriates Robbie, causing him to reach out to the dark side. He nearly kills the other padawan with the strength of his outburst. It then becomes EXTREMELY EVIDENT that Robbie is VERY strong with the dark side of the force. As a result of this outburst, one of his eyes gets the usual 'sith look', he gets special training to try and suppress those feelings, and he gets permanent pariah status in the Jedi Temple (I have. plans. i am being vague on purpose because FUCK I want to draw this scene in my head so bad but I also want to get this out to yall in the same month so it will be coming later. my dramatic bitch syndrome demands it).

After the clone wars get started (he's around 16 at this point) the Jedi realize that they need more people to fight. Robbie, though being previously disqualified for his history, is accepted for training and assigned Jedi Knight Johnny Blaze as a master.

Unfortunately, along the way Johnny starts picking up more solo missions and eventually disappears about 6 months in and everyone thinks he's defected (he's spying on the sepratist's for the republic). Which MEGA sucks for Robbie because 'holy shit the unstable padawans master defected' is getting thrown around and thats really not great. He wanders off deep into the temple where he can hopefully find a place to throw his feelings around in peace and stumbles into the artifact room, which opened in response to sensing the dark side. Bad news, you cant use the same method to get out.

Even MORE unfortunately one of these sith artifacts starts talking to him. After telling him how to get tf out of the vault and convincing Robbie that things are about to get bad ('I FELT what you could to out there kid do you REALLY think they're gonna let you stay? You gotta get out of here. And if you take me with you I can guide us to a ship they can't trace')

So Robbie sets out to run away, fully planning on taking Gabe with him and gets second thoughts while packing to which Gabe goes 'fuck that were GOING' (he's like. 11. But he'll be damned if Robbie goes somewhere and leaves him who knows how long). While escaping via unauthorized ship takeoff, Elis holocron makes it look like Robbie has fully gone to the dark side and there are clones sent to stop him.

Robbie responds by using the force to throw another ship at them and escapes with Gabe. Now they're both on the run. Robbie wanted by the jedi council for kidnapping, and Gabe wanted back to complete his training.

Eli died as a dark side user and a wannabe Sith. He never really graduated into full sithhood and spent most of his time working for Senator Ivanov and his dealings in Hutt space. He was OBSESSED with the prospect of immortality and sought ways to survive even after death.

When he was used as a scapegoat by Ivanov (he reported Eli to the Jedi council to make him look a little less suspicious), his back up plan of imbuing a holocron with his force presence was put into use. He's been sitting gathering dust in a vault of darksided relics for the past 10 years, just waiting for his chance to get out.

Gabe is an EXCEPTIONAL student in the Jedi temple. He enjoys learning about the force and how to use it, and for the most part gets along with his peers. His mobility aid has been improved since Robbie first built it for him out of scraps he was allowed to take from working on ships on Tatooine. Some days are still better than others, and there are times when a wheelchair is more appropriate, but generally the braces are good for daily use.

He is VERY defensive of his brother and absolutely will not hear a bad word said about him (many bad words are said about him. everyone things Gabe is incredibly sweet, but also to blinded by his love for his brother to see that he poses a threat). It very much so does frustrate him, he's just better at dealing with those feelings then Robbie is.

Anakin gets his fun force choking so I think that Robbie should get something fun and funky and special too so enter: JAW BREAK!! Yes it is very ring inspired but I wanted to make it MORE. So fuck it he rips the whole jaw off its hinges I think this would also probably kill you very dead.

Plus some doodles because brainrot brainrot brainrot brainrot

[blappel]

big fan of nora please tell me more about her

HIIIIII i am always surprised when nora has fans bc obviously the party gets a lot more attention and also. well. she sucks kinda <3 but she is also my girl so here is a rundown of nora events. sadly i can't comment publicly on much more than this as it is spoilers. But just know it gets crazier yay

nora is first introduced to the party right after they all run into each other and end up trapped in Kobold Dungeon. eventually she is forced to admit she is exploring the dungeon in order to claim part of a strange artifact which "belongs to her" and allegedly, once reassembled, will lead her to the campaign's big legendary magic sword

the legendary magic sword in question was once used by the ancient hero Astora, who conquered the continent with it & went on to found the Astoran Empire, before sealing his cool sword away and leaving behind the legend that only one of his bloodline could unlock its true power and be worthy of wielding it

at this point about half the party realizes Nora is, in fact, the missing princess of the empire, Aelinora ven Astora. the rest of the party does not because they are kinda stupid, but by the present day they have all now learned the truth.

Nora, who has up until this point been flopping miserably in the dungeon due to the fact that she seemingly has no weapons or skills or HP, asks the party to accompany her on her quest.

At this point she believes at least half the party to be aligned with an enemy state so she feels very cool and epic for convincing them to ally with her so she can use them as meat shields #mastermanipulator (they just kind of felt bad for her + had their own reasons for going after the sword)

Soon after this Anari shows up, having been hired to protect Nora by a mysterious employer (who turned out to be nora's missing cousin....but what is his deal?? still unknown. But not to me) nora begins to develop a crush on her which becomes stronger and more obvious as the campaign goes on

With some encouragement from the party (blitz giving her his dagger, anari training her in self defense) she starts to learn how to fight for herself, but is still noticeably weaker than the others...however she does do some cool shit every now and then. She killed a plant good for her!

Nora is usually very soft spoken and polite and gets along well with the party ^_^ ....but they also start growing uncomfortable with how power-hungry she seems sometimes

She's very driven (and desperate) to find The Sword, stop the war, and save her country from being conquered and destroyed. how will she do that? hahahaha dont worry about it ^_^

Eventually she becomes a little more self assured, and decides to start fighting with a sword...which she's unusually good at?! haha oops she forgot to mention she actually did study the blade and she's been fighting with suboptimal weapons this whole time. Why did she do that

oh also around this point she gets almost kidnapped, then thrown down the stairs, then literally dies from being thrown down the stairs, but they bring her back to life

eventually they also meet nora's Mysteriously Missing For Five Years cousin. he is weird as hell. nora trusts him completely. neither of them will explain what's up with them??

Finally, the party assembles all the pieces of the compass needed to find The Sword, but decides not to assemble them yet because they don't trust Whatever Is Going On. and also nora..?

AND THATS WHAT YOU MISSED ON TOHD

[masked-rat]

Space Marine Chapter: The Impalers

Posting this here because I would kind of like it to survive for posterity, and the odds of me coming back to 40k are pretty low.

Going to skip the Index Astartes entry because, let's face it, they're actually Night Lords.

They are *not* "lost in the Warp" or something like that. They're literal heretics who fought against the Imperium in the Heresy. And at some point, they realized that it's hard to enjoy the freedom of being Chaotic if you don't have the logistics. And while Chaos is good for freedom... it really sucks for logistics.

So, they take some old battle barges that can still pass for loyalist, come up with a cock- and- bull story about being a Raven Guard successor chapter that really had gotten lost in the warp, made a big show of dropping off a bunch of daemon weapons and warp artifacts to buy off the Inquisition, "return to their homeworld" which is now an industrial world (as in, 20th century tech, not like a forge world), the whole shebang.

Everybody buys it. And sure, they have to fight for the False Emperor every now and then, but on the other hand, the False Emperor's logistics are worth it. The Mechanicus doesn't even question when they have the industrial world's manufactories start building equipment to *their* specifications. And the gene- seed? Perfectly clean, because Night Lords geneseed is perfectly clean.

So by the time Guilliman returns, they've gone from about a hundred Marines to five and a half companies. Plus dreadnoughts, all that. Nobody cares that they're doing Night Lords shit to the planets they attack, because it's done in the name of the (False) Emperor.

Everything goes swimmingly until the Chapter Master gets summoned to meet Guilliman and receive the chapter's allotment of Primaris.

Guilliman takes one look at him, chokeslams him to the floor, and demands to know why a traitor like him should be let live.

"All hail the False Emperor."

Guilliman listens to his elevator pitch, sighs, and then tells him that he's going to be keeping a eye on that chapter, and sending him back with a different contingent of Primaris.

---

Org- wise, they still have ten standard companies. But that's where the similarity ends. The first squad of each company is terminators and veterans, and the tenth is scouts. And each company's marines are trained as more than tactical- one through four are trained in jump packs, five thru seven in bikes, eight in speeders, and nine and ten as devastators. The training emphasis is on mentorships between the veterans and regular marines, and the regular marines and scouts.

When the Primaris arrive, up to two squads are assigned to each battle company, and they get worked into the mentorships. (Edit: But, about 100 of the "old guard" are *never* up for Crossing the Rubicon. They're the ones who were the original hundred- ish Night Lords.) And those Primaris- of unspecified geneseed- are let in on the secret.

By the end of M41, the first through third, fifth and sixth, and ninth companies are combat- ready. The eighth is at half strength. It's rumored the seventh won't be combat ready until the Imperium is willing to accept jetbikes again.

They really do have a couple of Mk.14 jetbikes, but they're not used because it'd be too much of a lift for even gullible Imperials.

---

Genetic- wise, they're hard to distinguish from Raven Guard other than a mutation to the neuroglottis. Impalers have multiple pheromone- sensitive pits in their tongues, which are attuned to the stress hormones related to fear. So they can taste human fear.

They're also cannibals. They can and will eat humans, under the leadership of their chaplains and apothecaries. They try to play it off as a religious observance, but... I mean, they're really Night Lords so they probably just like doing it.

---

Armor, worth noting they use a weird pattern of armor based on reverse- engineering some Mk.2 and Mk.3 armors they had lying around. They refer to their armor as Mk.2a.

---

I think that's it. Hope someone likes this. It's probably as close as they'll ever get to seeing the tabletop. At this point, if I got back into 40k, I'd probably play Eldar.

[aro-geo-turtle]

Malevolent Part 40

ahhhh im so hyped. ok lets do this. oh this is going to be so long

plans going pretty well so far, the masks all being unique probably isn't great if someone figures out that arthur and noel aren't the people who are meant to have those masks

arthur showing off his genius smart brain! go arthur! and noel gets to be a little clever too i suppose

you're putting in "getting to know oscar" as a whole??? thats way too big! what if you completely forget he exists?! ohhhh and it makes john realize just how much oscar means to arthur :((((((

damn this is a really big organization. and this leader guy really sucks. why is his voice so annoying? I don't know what i expected but of course this organization is fully of generally shitty people

new leader is definitely larson. yep.

YELLOW!!!! :DDDDD MY GUY! Murder that random shithead who i almost thought was oscar for a split second! you can act as high and mighty as you please, i know what you're really like

at least channeling yellow wears larson out, that's a weakness

i really don't want to know where larson intends to take the order

Arthur, John doesn't want to kill Yellow! that's another version of him!

"I wonder who is playing who?" larson's almost certainly playing yellow

John :(((((( come one buddy

omg is yellow stealing john's memories?????? uh oh. that's...bad.

"a large bizarre looking object" very helpful John. Automobile sized??? damn that is big. fucked up space machine???

uh guys? have you forgotten that the vizser can HEAR john??? Ok direct confrontation. let's hope this goes well.

OH NO. he's about to reveal john's identity to noel oh shit.

oh boy super smart brain helmet. ok. elder? ...and they serve the great old ones. ohhhh they're going to release yellow. hmm. but does this mean that this could give john his own body?!?!??

...dying? is...that happening to arthur and john? oh no.

actually that's a good point, they might be able to get the cult members on their side.

oh no reckoning time. ok i can't decide if they've been saved or doomed.

larson being awful awful larson as usual. oh hi butcher. fancy seeing you here.

...why do he want to separate John and arthur?...maybe Yellow would absorb the rest of john

mutual friend??? Larson you never fucking met him.

ahhhh repeating the words from part 12. fuck.

can't delay him finding out any longer. echoing part 12 once again.

oh ok, multiple fallen stars, this group has the gray one, so the black one is probably another one somewhere else. so the grey one is an artifact of the Beholding then.

"...or it can show you where you left your keys." PFFFFFFF

"allow" them to return to the dreamlands, please. we know you have no intentions of letting that power go. yeah me and john on the exact same wavelength

arthur you're kinda the last person who Yellow would be convinced by.

"a pet" OH DAMN! YEAH YELLOW COME OUT HERE AND SPEAK YOUR PIECE. arthur buddy if you want to get him on your side, insults are not the way to do this.

poor noel has about 10% of the context to understand what is happening right now.

the truth is that arthur's sorry. come on arthur say it say you're sorry. come on. YESSSSS yep that it that's it arthur! he actually did it he actually apologized :,)

come on noel come in clutch. ive been pretty sus of you but if you can save us now. aw damn noel taking this leages better than i expected but he's also absolutely about to sacrifice himself, this is a death speech for sure

noel im sorry but this is not the king who tortured you. he has no clue who you are

WHAT. Butcher???? OMG twist of the century!!! what the fuck! no way! fuck yeha!

"Till the end" yepppp

arthur it really really might kill john tho. you don't know how this works, john's the one feeling it.

shut the fuck up larson. and this fight is bringing back some s3 arthur energy oh boy

oh no john oh no john he's lost again. no no no no his name!

noel... is this it?

omg john projected!!!!!! john projected!!!! they're fighting!!!!! they can talk face to face oh my gosh he sounds so cool.

yellow baby :(((((

the undefeated :,)))))))))

...and there it is. goodbye noel. rest in peace

you have to let this thing with larson go arthur. its the only way to forgive yourself.

one part of me is saying that if they leave larson alone to get the stone he's going to do something bad, but the other part is saying arthurs needs to leave larson be for character development

now time to see if my theory about why john cares about the stone is correct. i think i am. he's desperate to get it. i have a bad feeling about this. touch it???? that seems bad.

arthur? did kayne freeze time again? yep. yep yep yep. did they run out a time limit?

oh interesting. ha john's grown beyond his beginnings! yes! he can't fit anymore! ohhhhh shit. he sent him back to the dark world????? oh shit.

choices choices choices. it all comes back to choices.

i don't trust how happily ever after Kayne is making this sound.

john you've got to tell him right away. you can't put it off. he'll be mad but you'll get past it like you always do.

ohhhhhhhhh. oh boy. damn Kayne. i mean arthur you obviously knew he was hiding something, i he wasn't at all subtle about it. this is honestly probably better than the alternative of John trying to get up the courage to confess for ages.

pointing a gun at Kayne is a terrible idea. OH GOSH. welp. ok then.

excuse me are we getting kayne lore???? the crawling chaos? a spawn of Azathoth? Damn i don't know how to spell that but people called it???

ok apparently i can agree with Kayne on one thing and that is that larson sucks. and i can agree with larson on one thing and that is that i do not get what kayne's saying either.

ok than blind him! go for it! yellow and larson trip to the dreamlands? What did he do to noel? "Maybe Spain"????

yep a test, of course. uh oh. what is this?

damn. I have no idea what this means. where are they going? what will next season bring?

[pearwaldorf]

idk how the fuck I got on this subject, but I realized I've never listened to Drake's album Take Care all the way through. It is a genuinely fascinating cultural artifact given the careers of so many people who were guests on the album.

Literally everybody who guested on it made it big (The Weeknd, Kendrick, Nicki) or they were already fucking huge (Rihanna, Birdman, Rick goddamn Ross, Andre 3000) and it's really fascinating how... artistically malleable Drake is? Or to put it more bluntly, he doesn't have a strong enough sense of style to hold up against somebody who has an actual goddamn Vision.

Drake's flow is bad. Like super fucking bad. Compare his solo stuff to the ones where he has a guest. He sounds so much better because he's being dragged up rhythmically by somebody who actually understands how this shit works.

The only time I ever get the sense he's being genuine is when he goes deep into the self-loathing. There is deep and genuine anxiety there that's extremely hard to fake. And when you compare it to the, ah, braggadocio of some of the other stuff, it's absolutely fucking wild.

Also this man has issues with women you can see from space, hoo dilly. I genuinely have no idea whether he has had sex with underage girls, but it would not surprise me one bit. He's suspicious, controlling, always looking for an angle, perpetually insecure. But he also thinks he deserves whatever he wants.

Obviously there's a lot of hindsight on this analysis. But it still makes you go "Huh" when you look back on it.

[laxibbeb]

Our favorite Elain stan 🌷🦌☀️ !!

1. Why is Elain one of your favorite characters?

2. Is there a specific scene that made you like her?

3. What theories/headcanons do you have for Elain?

4. Feel free to share anything else about Elain that the questions didn’t cover!

GASP, i get to talk about ellie? is it my birthday?? 🐿️🐿️

Why is Elain one of your favorite characters?

i loved elain since the first scene she's ever appeared in, when feyre comes in the cottage grimy, tired and angry and elain goes "ohmygosh hi!!! where did you get that?" second character we meet in the series and i was like HO HO, this is going to be GREAT ---

i'll always love a character that's casually mean, in a self-righteous way and we saw more of it in acosf! which makes me so excited for future elain

actually, i don't know how fluent everyone is in elain lore but she gets meaner as the books progress lol

also, she's very judgemental (even though we like to pretend she isn't) and god i love that about her 🤣

---

she's so good with people, so composed in the face of most insane bullshit, I WISH i had the amount of self control she does i also love that she Gets Shit Done.

Oh you need the house empty by 12 pm? NO PROBLEM, it's going to be done at 11:45, with cooked lunch.

Oh i'm sorry, you want to kill my sister and her not-quite-boyfriend? Do reschedule to a further date.

Oh nobody wants to scry for dangerous artifacts? Guess i'm dusting off my powers 😒

She's ALWAYS come in clutch when everything else had failed and fell apart More so, she's always been willing to look past her own prejudices to help others (unfair that nobody has done that for her, huh?) (i realize that gets shit done is simply not something anybody had said about elain ever, and this is a greatly polemized matter, but)

there's a certain dichotomy in her being a kind person with a mean disposition and i find contradictions like that really fun in characters (in this essay...)

elain is a character that's full of that (which, again, is my favourite thing ever) she's judgemental BUT she looks past prejudices to help others she's a kind and genuinely caring person BUT quite often she's also mean and even selfish at times (even though personally she believes that she's being kind and helpful)

(SHE CONTAINS MULTITUDES AND I LOVE HER 🩷🩷) people will often choose to see one set of those ultimates that's why they either hate her or really love her 😌(acotar characters are guilty of this hehe)

also i have a huge soft spot for underestimated characters AND for overhated women, so ---

Is there a specific scene that made you like her?

i've kinda said it already at the beginning but i'll gladly provide more scenes:

elain needs a new cloak and lets out an ungodly whine about it, that endears her to nobody, except me

elain says "i'm not wearing those ugly pants", as i too would die for fashion

elain, giving one singular fuck, asks amren intrusive questions as everyone around her pities her (and holds the conversation very gracefully despite it, i would not like to have been in her place)

elain is a lying liar who lies about being fine

elain is so incredibly cool that the actual divine artifact from the fae religion fell in love with her and gave her amazing powers

elain laughs after being insulted by nesta (i think this one in particular is great at showing what elain wants from her family)

elain makes everyone feel bad about not waiting for her before they start eating, which is a mistake they immediately rectify

elain says it will not, in fact, take more than that to kill cassian

elain "waves a hand in dismissal" after being commanded by rhysand (that's my favourite)

---

What theories/headcanons do you have for Elain?

i hope for her sake and my fun that she gets into the most insane shit you could ever possibly imagine and has to dig herself out of it on her own

i also hope she makes someone cry

(we already saw her assert herself in her own existence in acosf and it was glorious, now i am very excited for her to take initiative about her future and to see what she does with it)

these aren't theories, really but still

ooh, another one is i really want to know what rhys actually thinks about her, because he had some great lines about her in acosf (let them be besties, please 🥺)

headcanon! she sorts her wardrobe in rainbow order

---

Feel free to share anything else about Elain that the questions didn’t cover!

she'd look great in blonde <3

[purpleandstarlight]

It continues @hateweasel

-I never listened to Fly me to the moon - but I always connect it to a canon kiss between two queer characters in a trilogy I really like bc after it one of them goes back to his room while humming it. Then that arc of yours with the crazy villain dude who sang it came and past me was afraid it would ruin my good memory associated with the song (but I genuinely forgot it until now).

-I wasn't impressed with that arc's villain's intelligence and didn't understand his beef with Ciel since from what I understood back then it was his own fault for touching sacred objects wrong??? Like don't be surprised if you get cursed while playing with ancient magic artifacts dude...(not criticism towards the author, just the character who's being needlesly petty lmao)

-I then said, and i have really no context for it but that just makes it funnier: "Ciel seems unimpressed...Wich is peak Ciel behavior, but this time he's right." I guess it was about the arc's villain?

- Cameron [about Alois, Ciel and Audrey]: They are horrible supernatural creatures that kill people!!!!

Me back then: Bestie, Audrey is just half reaper? He doesn't do a reaper job either??? And reapers don't kill anyway they just collect the souls of the dead???

(I understood that he was manipulated by the villain so he probs got a lot of shit wrong. Before the whole "trying to get back with Kris while he's amnesiac", me and my friend gave him the benefit of the doubt and defended him a bit. But reading this now its still funny to me)

-Me shitting on the arc's villain name with my friend. I didn't even remember the whole name but I was sure it sucked and we were very vocal about it (again, bullying the character, not the author). I just generally had beef with the dude ig, I realized just now that I kept insulting him for everything...

-i was SO hype about the rest of the 7 going around spying Cielois on a date...wich. understandable. It's peak me behavior. I'm there for the funny hijinks. You actually call them "the backseat boys" while they're on a taxi in that chapter, i realize in my first reread, and it always makes me lose it for the giggles since I assume it's a reference to the backstreet boys? I don't know them I just know the name but ITS A FUNNY PUN.

-Oh God DaffyDucks's introduction chapter...The moment he was fighting with the seven to sit next to Alois my gaydar buzzed, no lie. After he started being sleazy with Alois, I was genuinely just creeped out and annoyed by him troughtout the whole arc and never really stopped. I hate him even now. I cheered when Ciel kicked his ass.

-DLTD: By that afternoon, Ciel had rid himself of the rest of the sensational seven

Me: LOL

DLTD: ...(including Alois)

Me: ... :(

Me: NO WAIT I MISREAD!! IT SAYS EXCLUDING!!! :DD

(Genuine Rollercoaster of emotions I had while reading that single sentence)

-Gabriel Bailey saying he would stop being a cop made me so sad. I was like "More power to you but I'm gonna miss you dude" cause I thought we wouldn't see him again?

Then my friend said "You know, cops saying they will stop being cops in fiction is usually a death flag" and I shat myself.

-I genuinely said (and I'm Copypasting) "NHA BC CIEL AND DAFFYDUCK DO BE HAVING SOME TENSION IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN 💀" and then i followed it with (not Copypasting but translating in english) "Nha I'm kidding. Daffyduck isn't blonde he's got no chance."

-I said this at like 4 am. At 11:31 I then barged into the chatroom after this hours long silence with "Okay so DaffyDuck is an ally now but I still hate his guts".

- I then said "In the end DaffyDuck was working with the bad guys like i thought at the beginning of the arc but he was only being manipulated. I gave him much more importance than what he has." and my friend jokingly pointed out that a lot of people get manipulated in DLTD so I said "To be fair it's a common trope in every story, but not as many stories are so long as to have space for many repetition, so it's understandable that it happens a lot in this"

[tarotrans]

More Tma JonPeter, because I think the ship deserves more love. Again, projection and ooc content. I do this on Mobile btw, so sorry if formatting gets messed up. I've made this very easy to scroll past, if it isn't your thing please don't get mad at me. :)

So I live for the idea of Peter and Jon getting together s4 just to spite Elias.

However, imagine Peter meets Uni Jon.

Georgie and Jon break up, and Jon has no classes for the weekend. So, Jon makes the decision to go up by the docks for a bit. Maybe when he was younger he would sneak to the docks to clear his head, or to avoid bullying. Either way, it is nice, and it feels comforting.

Jon kinda downspirals a bit after the breakup. Not because of the break up itself, but because he's losing a stability in his life. He had something, and he didn't realize, so he lost it.

He then makes a habit of going down to the docks to get stuff done, whether he's doing schoolwork, or depending on the au, coming up with ideas for his uni band. When he isn't in class, he's usually there.

Peter ends up needing to dock in Oxford for something, an artifact maybe, and he ends up wandering around the docks until he finds Jon.

Jon is literally just some random lonely uni student who has been marked by the Web, interesting, yes, but not important. Peter ends up approaching anyways, probably in an attempt to feed off of Jon.

Jon realizes something is off with Peter, but doesn't outwardly comment on the random (clearly rich) man. Until he gets curious, and Jon asks what he's doing. Peter just kinda freezes because he was supposed to be using the Lonely to hide himself. Jon is just waiting for an answer.

Peter finally answers with some random bullshit, and Jon ends up calling him on it, and asks again. This time, Peter just answers him, honestly at that. Jon just looks at him, obviously not wanting to believe that this random dude is a servant of a fear God. And so, Jon asks a third time.

This time Peter offers to prove himself, but says that Jon has to give him something if he can actually prove himself. Jon doesn't believe him, so he accepts the deal. Peter ends up just bringing Jon into the Lonely, not thinking of a better way to prove himself.

Jon just stares at him for a while afterwards, Peter actually helps him leave, which was a surprise, but Jon is just quietly downspiraling. Then he remembers the deal and asks about what the other wants. Peter thinks about it for a second, before he just grabs Jon's hand and drags him back to the Tundra.

Jon is quiet for walk over, and once Peter manages to drag him into his Captain's Cabin, he asks why no one commented on Peter bringing him in. Peter just shrugs, and they both go quiet. Peter still hasn't decided what he wants, and Jon is just internally dreading what might happen.

Peter looks over to see Jon having a slight breakdown, and just leaves Jon in the room alone. Jon ends up falling asleep, and stays like that until Peter comes back and wakes him up. Jon is still bleary and tired, so he just sits there. Peter doesn't want to talk either, but he got what he needed to get, and now he wants to take a nap.

Peter makes the bright decision to have Jon take a nap with him, and Jon just agrees because it could have been way worse.

After this fiasco Jon still goes to the docks to study and work, and they run into eachother once or twice. Jon now being a little more cautious, but also very curious.

Jon gets followed to his study spot by someone from the school who he pissed off majorly, probably by disproving an assignment they did. This person is pissed and wants revenge, so they try beating the crap out of Jon. Tadeas ends up being the one to find Jon out cold with his shit. Tadeas drags Jon to the Tundra, knowing that Peter had positively interacted with the kid in the past.

Peter finds Jon on the ship and drags him into Captain's Cabin again. Jon ends up waking up and explaining himself and asks why he's there once he's finished. Peter just looks at him.

Peter forces Jon to stay the night, and when he wakes up, Jon starts freaking out because he has a class this morning, and he's going to be late. Peter just quietly orders Jon a car and tells him to get his shit together.

Peter drags Jon onto the Tundra whenever it's docked after that, just so that he can keep the idiot safe. Jon kisses Peter on the cheek one afternoon because he is bored. Plus, this is how Georgie acted when she got worried when they were dating. He probably just missed something again. Peter just flushes up, and they end up having a conversation about it.

Now Jon has a shit ton of attention from his peers because he's wearing much more expensive clothing than they thought he would have been able to afford, and he's been getting driven to his classes in expensive cars occasionally. Someone asks Georgie about it, and she talks to Jon, who just looked at her and said that he guessed that he had a new partner now. She's happy for him but also partially confused. She just gives out the answer she was given when asked.

Jon is just quietly enjoying everything he's been exposed to, and Peter ends up dragging Jon to the next family event. Jon fits in scarily well, and Peter just preens once everything is done.

Everything ends up great, Jon gets a sugar daddy who kinda cares, and Peter gets something to miss.

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

..ok, sorry for yet another ask, but I just realized that if Manfroy asked for Agarthan help in tracking down the prophesied mother of loppy's vessel via the internet, it would just end in an argument because Thales can't find anything and Manfroy doesn't believe him (at least until they find Sigurd's social media)

Oh this is actually the perfect lead-in to your other question about my potential plot threads.

Manfroy (boomer (derogatory), can barely send an email) asks Thales (cryptocurrency enthusiast (derogatory), introduced Kronya to NFTs) "how it's possible that there's not a trace of this woman on the internet, everything is in the internet, isn't it?" and Thales is like. "that's really not how it works. I'm doing this for you for free, if you want to go bitch at someone about this, go pay a private investigator" which Manfroy does not do, because the Loptyrians do not have money, they just have a bunch of stolen artifacts, and Manfroy and Thales just trade in favors.

Anyway eventually several years after this conversation, Thales does find Cigyun's daughter, because Sigurd is a proud husband and dad who can't fucking stop posting about his wife and kid. Thales sends this info to Manfroy and Manfroy's like "okay cool, next question. You Agarthans have a lot of advanced technology. How much would it cost for you to grow a baby in a test tube?" and Thales is like "...you are going to owe me favors for the rest of your life for this."

Manfroy dubiously acquires some blood and hair samples, Thales starts work with some technology that is deeply, incredibly illegal in Fodlan but is also how Rhea made Sitri. And probably around a year and a half later, Henry, who's doing a semester at Shambhala College on exchange and has spent all of his time poking around in places he shouldn't be, runs into Dimitri and Edelgard (who are doing their one yearly obligatory visit to their uncle) and is like "heyyy, you guys can probably steal some key card from your uncle and get access to the super-secret labs, I hear they're like, growing babies in there" and Dimitri and Edelgard, who would believe this wholeheartedly without evidence about their uncle, say "yeah sure okay let's do some breaking-and-entering."

And Henry turns out to be right and Dimitri and Edelgard both panic and the next thing they know they're on a train halfway to Deirdru with an armful of stolen hard drives and two stolen babies and Dimitri's texting Claude like hey I know you might be in Almyra right now because it's break, but can you ask Judith to leave us a key to your house on the porch? it's sort of an emergency.

Claude: weren't you visiting your uncle?

Dimitri: yeah

Claude: ...

Claude: right yeah sure I'll let Judith know.

Anyway they get enough info off all the hard drives they stole to find out that a cult on another continent commissioned Thales to grow their antichrist babies in a lab and the situation spirals even more from there as Edelgard and Dimitri keep accidentally looping in more people as they try to navigate the aftermath of their accidental baby heist. Claude shows up and calls Jeralt, because Jeralt knows how to take care of kids and is good at keeping secrets. Edelgard calls Hubert. Hubert needs more info about the Loptous cult and calls Robin. Robin sighs and calls Aversa like "hey, the Loptyrians are Doing Shit, do you want to knock them down a peg" and then she finishes reading all the info that Hubert sent her and she goes "wait a fucking second" and calls Arvis. Arvis has a breakdown. Thales and Manfroy are either about to kill each other or start killing everyone else around them. Validar thinks this sounds like an opportunity.

Anyway so that's (part of) Julius and Julia's origin story.

[gyuscoquetteribbon]

svt headcanons (them as genshin impact players)

-> warnings: none !!

-> a/n: aaaaa I love writing headcanons sm bear wit me pls </3 also i wanted to save up for baizhu but i really wanted layla and i pulled for her and got mona instead im actually devastated i gotta kiss my baizhu goodbye ;-; I've been waiting for him for two years T^T

-> seungcheol:

his team : zhongli, raiden, ganyu, bennett

absolutely loves lumine over aether.

somehow has the best luck ever and almost never loses 50/50????

however, he also has the worst luck when it comes to artifacts and almost never gets good artifacts at all but he kinda deserves it for all the 50/50s he won >:[

would definitely start rage killing hilichurls, abyss mages, samachurls or literally any enemy that decides to come his way after wasting all his resins on artifacts that he does NOT!! WANT!!

never allows the rest of the boys enter his world (ESPECIALLY JEONGHAN) because they always steal ascension materials that he is in need of.

but, he also has the AUDACITY to whine and sulk if the other members don't let him in their world.

all the children in the game (qiqi and maybe even nahida included) are his own children now idc (i may or may not be projecting here).

"I even got you dinner with my o w n money and you have the audacity to reject my co-op request????"

-> jeonghan:

his team : ayato, ayaka, scaramouche, raiden

definitely put raiden and scaramouche in the same team for shits and giggles given the history the two share

he definitely has venti or childe as his avatar picture or whatever idk he just gives off that vibe.

DEFINITELY CHOSE LUMINE AT THE BEGINNING

enters people's worlds under the pretense of collecting easily available things but ends up stealing stuff like onikabutos.

stands in the sidelines when he feels like he's gonna lose his characters in a co-op fight

BIGGEST PAIMON ANTI EVER !! HE HATES EVERYTHING ABOUT HER !!!

would kill timmie's pigeons just because .

"Hey can I just collect cecilia for my venti real quick?" (those are NOT his real intentions)

-> joshua:

his team : ganyu, nilou, yae miko, xinqui

no.1 aether defender !!

LOVES LOVES LOVES HYDRO CHARACTERS FOR SOME REASON. THEYRE ALL SO PRETTY !!!

has such pretty serenitea layouts fr !! absolutely loves the serenitea pot <3333

spends so much time in making things in his serenitea pot that he doesn't even get the time to build his characters.

almost never plays in co-op mode.

knows where you get what wood and where to mine certain items BY HEART

definitely has a thing for the mirror maiden and the pyro fatui agent. he literally goes heart eyes <3___<3 for them.

"Oh sandbearer wood? You'll find it all around liyue !"

-> jun:

his team: ganyu, xiao, yanfei, razor

you can hear him screaming from across the street, even with the door to your house closed and locked everytime he loses 50/50 and gets qiqi

definitely has c6 qiqi by now. he hasn't even got her past level 1 (he's petty)

was definitely stressed when he was asked to choose between aether and lumine (he chose aether in one server and lumine in the other purely because he couldn't choose who he wanted)

cannot pronounce the mondstadt characters names for the life of him like wtf is a fischl 😐

BIGGEST GANYU LUVER <33333 HE WAS SO ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT BUILDING HER !! she's literally the only triple crowned character.

another paimon hater. he doesn't even give her a chance to speak he's clicking past it in the speed of light.

he loves the lore but hates having to read the voicelines like that takes SO. MUCH. EFFORT.

definitely gave scaramouche a goofy name and had a good giggle about it for 3 mins before he realized this name is final and it can't be changed so now he's stuck with a goofy name for his wanderer :///

"NOOOO I DIDN'T MEAN TO NAME HIM SCARAMUCUS !!!"

-> hoshi:

his team : itto (it just makes sense), childe, venti, xinyan

AETHER LUVER™

definitely cried during the inazuma archon quest. (and the inazuma world quest where they had to do that cleansing ritual)

literally gets past all the quest out of pure luck because he does NOT know how to build his characters for the life of him.

wonwoo would ocassionally help him with artifacts but that's about it.

wouldn't even want a certain character and he'd still pull for them because he likes to collect 5 stars 😧

his quest list is endless because he just never completes them.

has a teeny tiny crush on all the sumeru enemies, men and women alike (I'm most definitely projecting here)

"WHY MUST TEPPEI DIE?? *sniffle* I HATE THIS GAME SO MUCH!"

-> wonwoo:

his team : yae miko, al haitham, hu tao, nahida

probably the only one that knows how to build his characters properly.

definitely chose aether.

NOT an f2p player.

he completed the aranara quest in a single day 😰 (it took him 6.5 hours)

completed the spiral abyss 😧

hasn't opened his serenitea pot. like, at all.

he let's out a guttural scream everytime he gets yunjin in place of a 5 star he wanted (definitely projecting here, I'm not sorry

" Let me help you with your quests since I'm done with mine." (To hoshi, of course)

-> woozi:

his team : raiden, heizou, ayaka, nilou

most of his archon quests were completed by wonwoo.

chose aether in a hurry.

doesn't really pull unless he thinks the playstyle of a character suits his taste.

fought a ruin guard ONE (1) time and decided the game isn't worth it.

HATES HATES HATES DRAGONSPINE !!

only does his ascension quest if wonwoo or jun are around so that he could do the first half and they'd take care of the rest.

actually feels sorry for timmie instead of hatred the way most genshin players do :(

Just pure screams of agony because he's been made to fight a rifthound.

-> minghao:

his team : yelan, fischl, kazuha, kokomi

strictly a f2p player because he thinks it's pure insanity to even pay money for a game that he'd get tired of in two years. moreover, humans shouldn't be so greedy and must also face the downs of life (losing 50/50) and not just the ups.

is actually very interested in the lore and has probably read the genshin comic.

biggest lumine defender !!!

diluc >>>>> kaeya for some reason.

strategically builds his characters. he first builds his main team and the other characters he switches now and then, depending on the enemy he's fighting. he, then, builds the healers that are left and then the shield users that are left before getting to the characters that he personally fancies.

has reached friendship level 10 with most of his characters.

another person who actually takes some time out to build the prettiest layouts in his serenitea pot.

"Luck shouldn't be BOUGHT. It should come your way on its own. So, you getting Al Haitham through welkin doesn't really count as a win, but that's just my opinion 🥰"

-> mingyu:

his team : yae miko, al haitham, yelan, bennett

chose lumine as the traveller in one server and aether as the traveller in another server because they're both so precious to him.

has the BIGGEST, FATTEST crush on the mirror maidens and the oceanid (something about the shit-talking gets him going 😧)

he chose his team based on how hot they are, excluding bennett, of course. he chose bennett because that's his son and he's a healer.

accidentally plunges down where the npcs are walking and scares them.

only buys welkin when he REALLY wants a character (basically, if the character is hot)

is actually pretty good at building his characters, but has a horrible luck when pulling for them. and he's almost always getting yunjin like at this point bro has c6 yunjin please hoyoverse stop this madness 😰😰

only buys welkin when he REALLY wants a character (basically, if the character is hot)

has so many people in his friends list. so much so that, he's actually nearing the limit. HE DOESNT EVEN ENTER SOMEONE'S WORLD MORE THAN ONCE HE JUST HAS STRANGERS IN HIS FRIENDS LIST!!

"Oh, I don't know who deez is; they're just. THERE."

-> dokyeom:

his team : yelan, heizou, layla, fischl

LUMINE IS HIS DAUGHTER.

he's so sweet, he let's jeonghan and other people into his world every single time only for them to steal the things he really needs.

uses raiden's skill and then stands in the sidelines with jeonghan. he is NOT GETTING IN THERE AND DYING >:[

everytime he's fighting outside of co-op mode, you can hear him screaming 3 neighbourhoods away.

uses klee's skill to bomb you up when he gets mad at you.

definitely tried to ice bridge his way to inazuma when he was a low ar player and died by a lightning strike. 5 times. On different ocassions.

actually enjoyed the aranara quest because the aranaras are SO cute !!

(To jeonghan) "So...do you wanna bet who'll die first in this domain among those two?"

-> seungkwan:

his team : tighnari, xinyan, fischl, barbara

he's planning on naming his firstborn lumine.

though barbara doesn't cause a lot of damage he's actually content with the way she heals others.

he's the one fighting for his life in domains while dokyeom and jeonghan are standing in the sidelines, placing bets.

he can't even pause the game to text them in-game, so he just yells from his room.

he isn't very good with bow users but he loves tighnari's character. SO MUCH HE JUST CANT NOT PUT HIM ON HIS TEAM :(((

he refuses to switch tightnari out of his team, no matter what!! he WILL be there.

everytime paimon speaks, he gets into a one-sided conversation (argument) with her. OUT LOUD.

"CAN YOU BOTH S T O P PLACING BETS AND COME HELP ME??? YOU KNOW WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH QUICKER IF YOU'D JUST COME HERE. IS THIS HOW YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN APOCALYPSE TOO???!"

-> vernon:

his team : childe, albedo, dendro traveller, kuki

loves aether so much for an unexplainable reason. like he literally built dendro traveller with so much efforts <3

he's there for the lore.

AVOIDS GOING TO THE CHASM AND DRAGONSPINE LIKE THE PLAGUE.

is the only one that helps seungkwan out in domains.

doesn't get on co-op that often unless it's seungkwan.

takes his own sweet time in completing the archon quests insead of rushing head first into them.

if he can't complete a quest, he'd be on youtube IMMEDIATELY. if he fails the first time you are NOT gonna see him do it on his own the second time without a youtube guide.

"Oh...the chasm? You wanna go to the chasm? Ah...give me a sec, I need to use the bathroom real quick." *vernonline has left your world* (legend has it that he is still in the bathroom)

-> dino:

his team : eula, razor, hu tao, diona

always gets smacked left and right by the ruin hunter before he could dodge its attacks.

he loves lumine so much. He even has a lumine plushie.

loves getting on co-op mode with his members please he just enjoys playing with them so much <3333

he makes headcanons about the characters during his free time and gets so excited when someone asks him about it.

he WON'T stop talking about his headcanons.

sometimes he gets bored of the game but then remembers that he needs to get to the end to see how the story plays out.

anybody can join his world because this silly fool did not choose the ask before joining option. and then, he'll freak out when he sees another person in his world.

"OH MY GOD!?@*! WHO ARE YOU??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? WHAT????"

[beskarberry]

For your wip post!

Color me intrigued about your thief fic! Been a long time since I read about him and I miss that rascal. I know your writing style and wit would suit him perfectly.

Ok SO I smashed this outline out while poopin at work and then never got any further, but I think the concept is really good and I can probably circle back to it!

reader is a thief paid to steal a ruby amulet from a wealthy collector collector lives in a massive mansion and throws huge parties, but nobody ever actually sees him at the party (Gatsby style) party is themed? some kind of fancy dress, maybe 1920s to fit Gatsby flavor reader dresses up pretty, goes to party, thinks this will be a cake walk. doors are wide open, there’s no security even with all the people. fuckers are all drunk. reader is surprised none of the valuable art gets stolen at one point when reader is wandering around, she thinks she sees a black goat far out in the gardens, but is distracted by fireworks going off. the goat isnt there when she looks again.  she goes deeper and deeper into the mansion, it seems to go on forever. fewer and fewer people.  the art on the walls starts getting weirder, scarier. occult artifacts, etc.  she finds a room with a heavy wooden door, filled with old antique books, ritual daggers, weird symbols on the floor and walls. she finds a cabinet with the ruby necklace, maybe on some kind of altar. shes drawn to its creepy beauty and puts it on, admires it in the mirror shes interrupted by the Thief (Fernando/Felipe de la Cruz), he’s swav, likes how the necklace looks on her, etc. thinks its “brave of her to steal from the devil” reader tries to play off the fact that she was stealing, but he calls her out, offering to pay her double/triple not to steal it, and to steal for him instead. “vvouldst thou like to live deliciously?” pours wine reader agrees, feels funny about the whole situation, but steals some more things for him, making fat cash.  eventually collects more artifacts, occult shit mostly after having enough stuff, she agrees to do a sexual ritual with him that will grant her ‘power’, realizes she’s accidentally fallen in love with him during the sex he starts to turn into his demon form, wings/horns/hooves, etc. hot monster sex revealed that he’s bound to the mansion for stealing the very same ruby and it turned him into a monster trapped in the mansion, and was planning to kill her in the ritual or something to set him free from the ‘devils locker’. sacrifice must be the next person who tries to steal the ruby. sacrifice/ritual would make him a full-blooded demon/super powerful  but oh no! he has FEELINGS!!  ritual gets bungled up because he cant bring himself to kill her, eventually it all fizzles out but leaves him still partially demonic in a way he can hide.  reader is PISSED, threatens to crucify his ass when she discovers she ended up with some demonic powers too.  either leave the mansion together OR descend into hell as the new rulers of the underworld

[tragcdysewn]

was that bai lu? oh no no, that was just li susu, a canon character from till the end of the moon. they are twenty six years old, use she/her, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here:

about two months now

what is your character’s job:

she’s working as a private security agent

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom:

right now, the first episode, right after time traveling, but that will probably change in like a week when the finale airs so

has any magic affected your character:

just taking a chunk of her memories away

bonus info:

okay so li susu has got some TRAUMA babey. she comes from an immortal sect in the mountains, and watched basically the entire sect, including her father and uncle, be slaughtered by the devil god, tantai jin. during the final fight, she found an artifact said to be able to lead to his destruction, left behind by the god of time. using that artifact and some other ancient magic, she goes back in time 500 years to destroy the source of his power and kill him, transmigrating into the body of ye xiwu (this is only possible because ye xiwu is actually her too, but we’ll get to that later) who, as it turns out, is both the worst person alive, and tantai jin’s beloathed wife. she proceeds to immediately make some incredibly questionable decisions, such as seeing that ye xiwu forced her husband to kneel in the snow for days and just leaving him there because she’s pissed he's going to kill her family in the future. she does, however, eventually realize that ‘hey maybe he went apeshit not bc of destiny, but because everyone just treats him like absolute shit’ and shows him the first bit of genuine kindness man has gotten since like... infancy. she lies to him that she’s fallen for him and that’s why she’s different now, and then actually does fall for him and is kind of pissed off about it. 

they proceed to not communicate at all about anything ever because they’re both idiots, culminating in her shooting six spikes into his heart on their wedding night because she thinks he committed some murders he did not commit and is truly irredeemable. she does not manage to actually kill him this way, he’s understandably pissed the fuck off, and she ends up in confinement, where the actual murderer confesses and causes her to have the biggest ‘i am a moron’ realization ever. she eventually dies to take tantai jin’s evil bone (i swear to god that’s what it’s called they keep talking about his bone being in her and i’m too immature for this shit) from him so he doesn’t have to become the devil god.

upon dying, she transmigrates back into her real body, in a much different future than the one she left, and realizes that while she did fix that problem, she still has the evil bone in her (lol), and needs to find a way to get rid of it. surprise surprise before she can do this tantai jin shows up like hello i have actually been looking for ur soul for 500 years, and she has a whole breakdown. it’s then revealed she’s adopted and is actually the daughter of the lord of evil and a phoenix goddess. she handles this better than literally all of her other drama, even though objectively it’s the one i think i would be the most upset about. and with how phoenixes work, their soul needs to go through trials before they can be fully born, hence ye xiwu being the worst person alive, as she was all the worst parts of li susu. 

she’s an absolute icon who fights with a HARP (that’s actually her dead mom’s spirit but we’re not touching on that it’s complicated) and while she can be a complete and utter moron sometimes, she’s always determined to do what she thinks is the right thing, even if it will hurt her in the long run. she’s very much a ‘for the greater good’ kind of bitch, but mostly only when ‘for the greater good’ involves self sacrifice she definitely struggles with the ‘kill one person to save many’ part of that ideal. i will finish this when the show is done but she’s a badass and an idiot and i adore her while also constantly questioning every choice she makes

[rhythmantics]

The Secret Saturdays Iceberg

Original iceberg here.

Jay Stephens’ answers on the Toonzone Forums here, his Insta here, blogspot here. List of comics here.

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS!

“I watched a couple episodes while it was still airing”

What most people know about Secret Saturdays from having seen it a couple times when it was on. It’s a children’s cartoon.

Doc and Drew have an exchange that goes “when have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?” “I keep a list. It’s alphabetized,” which has plagued incorrect quotes blogs for years. Many people know the quote without knowing the show it’s from.

“I watched it through to the end”

This tier is about stuff you know about how hard the show goes once you watch it through the first time.

All cryptids in the show are based on real-life cryptids, mythological creatures, or prehistoric animals: true with a single-digit number of exceptions. The TSS wiki has done a really good job of cataloguing them.

Children die on-screen: both Zak Monday AND Zak Saturday die on-screen. It’s great.

Sneople: nagas.

Clone: Francis is a fucking clone! Holy shit!

Fisk has actual dialogue: This one actually belongs in the “I followed Jay Stephens” tier, as he has revealed that Fisk is written actual lines in the script, which are then translated to “Fisk-speak” by the voice actor.

Cheechoo is Inuit / Beeman is autistic / It’s the glasses: Cheechoo wears traditional inuit sunglasses, and also references the far north of Canada as being his “ancestral home” and having grown up there.

Beeman, meanwhile, has a hard time picking up on social cues (”he’s a little rude to everybody,” Jay once said on the Toonzone forums, confirming that Beeman isn’t acting like that because he dislikes Zak or anything -- in fact, he acts the same way even when he’s actively trying to bond with Zak over his fake UFO footage), has a really good time watching hours of (what most consider boring) footage related to his particular interest, and his glasses are probably tinted pink to deal with photosensitivity, a common symptom.

Wadi is Bedouin: The Bedouin are nomadic Arab tribes that live in the desert. So, like. Yeah.

Last will and testament of a guy who drowned: Zak and Doyle find the titular will in the episode where a lake is trying to hunt and kill them, left behind by someone that the lake has previously hunted and killed.

DNA brothers: Do you guys remember the episode where Zak, Fisk, and Komodo all get spliced together? Was that fucked up or what

Forgot to put this one on there but do you guys remember when Argost dressed up in an SS uniform look-alike to taunt the Saturdays in Once More the Nightmare Factory? Incredible.

“I read some character analyses”

This tier is all about realizing the full implications of the stuff they show in this children’s cartoon where they can’t say the word “kill.”

Serial killer that keeps trophies: I think Van Rook literally expresses disgust over how Argost kept trophies during his yeti era. Incidentally, this means Van Rook has ALSO killed multiple people, since at least he doesn’t keep trophies, lol.

Doyle has probably killed people and is definitely a felon: Doyle is cut short before he can elaborate on how many places he has a criminal record; he’s definitely stolen priceless cultural artifacts and other goods well above the felony limit, he has a story he doesn’t give Zak the full details of because “then things get messy. Let’s just say the bird and I took care of it.” Not to mention how many times Zak’s parents stress to him that Doyle has lived a dirty life, and he’s done many bad, bad things. Doyle has killed people you can’t change my mind.

Doc was Drew’s rebound romance: Drew dated Van Rook in college, presumably broke up with him when she realized he was studying archaeology so that he could steal artifacts to sell, and later wound up with Doc. She’s in her 30′s-or-so according to Jay (while Doc is in his 40′s-or-so) and her kid is 11 at the start of the story. She’s a “trained archaeologist,” meaning she’s probably got a PhD after at least 5, 6 years of college (she's a genius, so I wouldn't be surprised if she got it sooner than the usual 8 years We know she's an archaeologist from the Field Guide). So there’s a reasonable buffer of a few years between her dating Van Rook and her meeting Doc while mountain-climbing (Doc mentions this is how they met in the blue tiger episode), so he’s not necessarily her rebound romance exactly, but it’s funnier to word it that way.

Doc really thought Munya killed his family: In Once More the Nightmare Factory, when Doc reaches Munya after being separated by his family, Munya takes the tokens with Doc’s family’s faces on them and throws them in the trash to taunt him. Doc proceeds to go berserk and kick Munya’s ass (and nearly choke that bitch Argost out), while screaming that Argost took “everything” from him. So they can’t, like, have Doc actually SAY “you killed my family, you bitch!” but that is definitely what he was thinking. I also want to note here that part of Doc’s specific baggage throughout the episode is that he blames himself for the 43 secret scientists that died the first time they tried to assault Weird World - people who were his colleagues, if not his friends - so just keep that in mind when Doyle comes in later to rub in Doc’s face how easy it is to break in.

On that note, RIP the 43 secret scientists that died the first time they tried to assault Weird World.

The nagas were really gonna let them die: In the Legion of Garuda, Zak tricks the nagas into letting him into their sanctum by having his parents fight the Secret Scientists above the river, while pretending to the nagas that he’s decided to switch sides because the humans won’t stop coming after him. The nagas let him in and promise to help his family, but once Zak is out of earshot, Rani Nagi tells her guards to leave Zaks’ parents to their fate. “Give the boy a tragedy to avenge.” Bruh.

RIP Von Finster: RIP to the scorpion man, who was definitely killed after Argost caught him to silence him since he knew things about Argost’s past. This is what they meant when they said that people who know things about Argost were “disappearing,” and why Von Finster was so scared.

RIP Mizuki’s body: why does Mizuki in hibagon’s body cry out in rage when he sees his human body crushed under the rubble? Because that body is actually a corpse, man! On that note, RIP Ulraj’s dad, forgot about that one.

RIP xing-xing: so apparently the xing-xing shows up in War of the Cryptids so I messed up on this one. Just replace it with Ulraj’s dad.

RIP Dr. Basil: Yeah Doc’s father figure is dead. Old age probably, but also maybe he was killed as retaliation for scrapping the genetic human/cryptid testing research.

Argost’s body count is so high holy shit: 43 secret scientists, Ulraj’s dad, Von Finster, Drew & Doyle’s parents, Zak Monday, and Zak Saturday - and that’s just the deaths we KNOW ABOUT!

Forgot to put this in there but damn the Legion of Garuda guy was seriously gonna kill Zak, like holy shit. So many people want this 11-12 year old boy dead

“I followed Jay Stephens”

This tier is all fun Word of God stuff if you happened to follow Jay Stephens while he was posting on the Toonzone forums while the show was running, from his old blogspot, or while he’s talking to people on instagram. I have a minor and not exhaustive collection of such postings here.

Smoke mirror is NOT a mirror universe / It’s just a shittier universe: According to Jay himself on the Toonzone forums, and in line with actual Aztec mythology, the Smoke Mirror world is NOT a mirror universe. Aztec cosmology states that the world has ended and been remade 4 times, each stint being represented by a different god as the sun, and we're currently on our fifth sun. "The Smoking Mirror" is an epithet used to refer to Tetzcatlipoca (whose temple the Smoke Mirror was found in), who had the dubious honor of being the first sun, and his sun was black and only shed half as much light as our current one, possibly related to how he was missing a leg. Thus, the Smoke Mirror is not a portal to a mirror dimension - the fandom just kind of assumed it was because that's the common trope, but Jay has explicitly said that it isn't one. Rather, the Smoke Mirror is a portal a world inspired by Tetzcatlipoca's sun, a darker and twisted world where everything is generally much worse. This is further enforced by the fact that the Wii/DS/PS2 game is literally about this myth, as the game is called “Beasts of the Fifth Sun.”

Screwed by the network: The show barely ever had reruns shown and was constantly having its timeslot shafted by sportsball. It was insanely hard to keep up with the show as new episodes came out and even harder to catch up on missed episodes, which was death for a show with such tight continuity. On top of that, season 2 was only ten episodes, which is NOT standard (season 1 had 26 episodes and a half-season would be 13), which means they had to cut more than half of season 2′s contents. You can really feel how rushed it is in the last three episodes.

Dodo???:

The executives at Discovery Kids had spent many hours telling me that my original Tutenstein designs were "too cute" and "too Casper", so, stubborn jerk that I am, I made sure to make this one even cuter. For inspiration, I went over my old Floyd Gottfredson Mickey Mouse comics... particularly the Seven Ghosts and Phantom Blot stuff... excellent, classic work. My idea was to update the 'funny animal mystery trio' by incorporating my love of Cryptozoology into the pitch. It went a little like this:"CRYPTIDS features a crack team of globe trotting cryptozoologists uniquely qualified for the job because they themselves were once cryptids! OKAPI, KOMODO, and MEGAMOUTH, along with their nine-year-old human mascot, FRANCIS, serve as a sort of anti-detective team. Scooting across land, sea, and air in their fantastic CAMPERCOPTER, their never-ending goal is to preserve the mystery of the world’s strangest creatures before they are exposed by humans… or destroyed by the Cryptids' nemesis, MONSIEUR DODO."I pitched it to a bunch of studios and got some interest, but, ultimately this incarnation went nowhere. Nobody 'got' the design, commenting that it looked like a kiddie show but read edgier. When I brought up the classic Floyd Gottfredson Micky Mouse adventure comics, I got blank stares. Not even Walt Disney Television Animation knew who or what I was talking about. Sigh... back to the drawing board.

Doc’s design was based on Harry Belafonte: Said on Jay’s Insta.

Doc and Drew canonically straight but everyone else is open season: Said on Jay’s Insta. FWIW Doyle gives me really strong bisexual energy.

Viral Marketing: The show’s initial ads were found footage-style short videos of horrific puppets of the show’s cryptid protagonists. I think they’re still up on youtube.

List of “hundreds” of creatures compiled for the show: Said on Jay’s Blogspot.

I forgot to mention this one, but Jay Stephens says that in-universe, cryptids aren’t just “creatures unproven to science,” but rather, “creatures that share a common, mystical bond.” It’s never said in-universe but I figured I’d let you guys know that this is what sets cryptids apart from regular animals.

Can’t “stay on the side of good” if show didn’t end how it ended: This is referring to how, according to Jay on the Toonzone forums, Zak losing his powers was the only way for him to firmly stay on the side of good. This is a very contentious opinion in the fanbase, but honestly, I kind of get it. By the end of the show, Zak has enough power to destroy human civilization within a week, anytime he feels like it, just by thinking about it. And he’s 13 years old. Humanity wouldn’t survive if he had, like, an emo phase when he turned 16. As long as he has that kind of unchecked power, there’s ALWAYS going to be doubt as to whether or not it’s safe to let him wander around, there’s ALWAYS going to be people who either want him dead for the good of mankind or want to use and manipulate him to their own ends, and - as we see in Return of Tsul’Kalu - he’s not immune to despair, as he literally says “if even the good cryptids think I’m destined for evil, I don’t know why I should even fight it anymore.” Even assuming Zak is incorruptibly “good” (which, again, we have evidence that he isn’t), at some point he’s going to have to start thinking about whether it’s his responsibility to police humanity. If people are illegally burning down the rainforests, and the government won’t do anything, wouldn’t Zak be morally obligated to do something extrajudicial about that? Where does that slippery slope end? So, like, honestly, I kind of agree. The only way for him to firmly stay on the side of good is for him to lose his incredible power, because you know what they say about absolute power.

“I have done a lot of research into the show”

This tier is about doing a bit of extraneous googling into tidbits that are brought up in the show. The cryptids all being based on real things is pretty common knowledge, but there’s so much more in this show that’s based on real stuff than that.

Drew’s fire sword is Manjushri’s khadga: Drew’s fire sword is based on the blade (khadga is the specific type of sword) that the bodhisattva Manjushri wields. It symbolizes wisdom, which cuts through duality and ignorance. And there are ones from Tibet (where Drew was raised) that look JUST LIKE the one in the show.

Tetzcatlipoca’s epithet was “The Smoking Mirror”: Most of this is covered in the previous section, but did you know that Tetzcatlipoca was considered the rival to Quetzalcoatl? This is especially interesting given that Quetzalcoatl is the feathered serpent, and Kur was believed to be a serpentine dragon (more on that later). I will also mention that Tetzcatlipoca transformed into a jaguar after Quetzalcoatl struck down his stint as sun, by the way. For fanart purposes, you know.

Garuda is a mythological Hindu figure: Garuda is a demigod in Hindu mythology that is depicted either as a giant bird resembling a kite (sea-eagle), or a bird furry. There’s a myth where he eats nagas. This is why the Legion of Garuda is named after him, and why the wizard guy summons a giant eagle illusion to scare off the nagas.

Kumari Kandam, Lemuria, Shangri-La Real: Kumari Kandam and Lemuria are two names for the same proposed (and disproven) sunken land bridge between the Indian subcontinent and Madagascar, which would’ve explained how monkeys got to Madagascar and became lemurs (hence the name). Due to some Hippie New Age Bull Shit, the survivors of Lemuria (often interchangeably used with Atlantis) moved to the Mt. Shasta region of California, where myths and legends of “lemurians” persist to this day. Shangri-La (the Lemurian homeland in the show) is unrelated to the two and is instead a fictional earthly paradise located in the Himalayas.

Dead Sea Scrolls reference: The scroll Wadi finds is definitely a reference to the Dead Sea Scrolls. Related to that,

Methuselah Tree Real: In real life, the methuselah tree is the oldest tree in the world, and - like in the show - its location is a carefully guarded secret. Not because it’s the font of all water in the world (a clear reference to the Norse myth of the World Tree and possibly a reference to the Zamzam Well), but to avoid vandalism, as we all know what people are like.

Inaccessible Island Real: Argost briefly mentions that they’re on Inaccessible Island before he steals Zak Monday’s powers. This is a real, shitty little island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Tomb of Kur Real: The Official Cryptid Field Guide lists the Tomb of Kur as the “Kohker Archaeological Site.” This is a real place, and is a temple dedicated to Shiva.

 Library at Alexandria Real: The Library at Alexandria was a massive collection of books - every book brought into port at Alexandria would be copied, the copy stored in the library, and the original returned to its owner. Such a massive collection... all burned down. Tragic.

Naga fireball phenomenon Real: There’s a phenomenon that happens along the Mekong River where fireballs regularly erupt. The family goes looking for the naga using this phenomenon in the season 2 premier.

Mines set on fire that stay on fire for years Real: The mine that’s on fire in the bunyip episode is probably a reference to Burning Mountain, a mountain in Australia that has a fire under it that’s been burning for 6000 years. There’s many other such long-lived fires in the world.

Judaculla Rocks Real: The rock Zak damages in Return of Tsul’Kalu is the Judaculla rock, which is in the show the same as it is in real life - significant to the Cherokee people and associated with Tsul’Kalu, the Master of Game.

“Kur” used to refer to the first mythological dragon: So we now know that “Kur” referred to a TON of different things - the mountains, the lands, the people who came from the mountains, the netherworld, etc. HOWEVER, at the time, the main person writing about Kur attributed the word to a serpentine beast living at the bottom of the Netherworld, which he then called the first dragon ever depicted in human mythology. This has been more or less debunked now, but it’s what the show was using. Serpentine symbolism is used in the show to represent Kur - there’s a set of snakes on some of the doors in Kur’s tomb, and Kur’s most dedicated servants are sneople.

“I have done TOO MUCH research into the show.”

This tier is about my descent into madness. It covers research that wouldn’t normally be performed, supplementary material that very few people know about, etc.

Men of the Saturday family have biblical names: First we have Solomon Saturday and Zak Saturday, with Zak pretty obviously standing in for some variant of Zakariya/Zechariah. The prequel comics also give us an Elijah Saturday and a Samuel Saturday, so this is a very deliberate choice.

Solomon = “peace” but also associated with the Lesser Key of Solomon: The Lesser Key of Solomon is a famous demonology grimoire that lists several demons, their ranks, what they do, and how to summon them. A little bit like a cryptopedia.

Zak = Zakariya = “God Has Remembered”: That’s what his name means. And, like... kind of spooky considering Zak’s the reincarnation of a god. Now, while lots of spellings of this name exist, I prefer Zakariya. I think Doc initially would've wanted Zachariah/Zechariah because it's more biblical, but I also personally believe Drew (who speaks Arabic and is a white mom) would go for something a little more unique, compromising on the Arabic spelling. Plus, it has the K in it. Which I like. Though it would be in character for Zak to be Zachariah and shorten it with a K on purpose himself to look cooler. Either way, Zakariya/Zachariah/any of its variants is almost certainly what Zak is short for. Zechariah is also, famously, the last of the martyrs. And martyr himself Zak did!

Drew and Doyle are Gaelic / Ginger confirmed: Drew is albino so she wouldn’t have them but we were cheated out of Doyle with freckles. This is, incidentally, probably why Zak has freckles in the Ben10 crossover that I don’t like thinking about.

Wadi = riverbed that sometimes dries up: Wadi, noun. A valley, gully, or streambed in northern Africa and southwest Asia that remains dry except during the rainy season. It’s symbolism about the whole Eterno thing.

Short hair Drew: You guys want some concept art?

Zak’s name used to be Francis:

Abbey sold plundered relics to museums for money: Also from the prequel comics; Abbey was Zak’s favorite babysitter because she used to take him on wild wacky adventures... robbing tombs. And then selling the artifacts she’d find there to museums. Van Rook shows up and does a “not so different” on her for this. And he was sooo right!

Divining rod = Shiva’s trident: This fucking thing HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS

Because that’s not any “divining rod” or “dowsing rod” I know about! Well, GUESS WHAT.

It’s Shiva’s fucking trident. It symbolizes many different trinities, like “past/present/future” and “joy/compassion/love” and stuff. YEARS IT TOOK ME.

Kur is associated with the Hindu god Shiva, known as “The Destroyer”: Kur’s tomb is literally a temple dedicated to Shiva, one of Shiva's symbols is a cobra coiled around his neck (and Rani Nagi famously uses cobras to chat), and the divining rod used to find Kur is shaped like Shiva’s trishula. Furthermore, one of Shiva's aspects is the King of Beasts. So, like, yeah. The cobra tends to symbolize how Shiva has tamed the venomous ego, and his dominion over all animals on earth, so... they are making a really obvious parallel here. Rani Nagi even calls Kur “the destroyer” at one point! The clear implication of this association is both to more strongly enforce the idea that Kur is something divine, or seen as divine, and to cast its destruction in a more ambiguous light - Shiva may be the destroyer, but he is also the preserver, and in no iteration of Hinduism is he treated as an evil deity. Creation, preservation, and destruction is merely a natural cycle, one of the trinities represented by Shiva's trident. But it sure sucks for the people who are getting destroyed, so it's natural a creature whose existence IS destroying things would be viewed as "evil" or "bad" by the unfortunate species getting their asses kicked.

“These questions plague me deep into the night”

These are just questions that haunt me. Someone save me from this madness

[ectokelpeigh]

WWDITS (tv) x DP

We’re going to roll with my headcanon that Vlad is incredibly sensitive to any mention of him looking like a vampire because it makes everything 10x funnier ok

Vlad goes to Staten Island meets our beloved nest of disasters because [reasons]. Maybe there’s an artifact in the house he really wants/needs? So he snoops around as Plasmius but he gets caught? Anyway, the vampires either a) recognize him as a ghost and are about as weird around him as they were about their own ghosts in 2x02, or b) assume he’s a vampire, and any protests/corrections from Vlad (and Guillermo, guardian of the brain cell) fall on deaf ears because they’re all just Like That. 

The (actual) vampires’ individual reactions:

Nandor is immediately taken with Vlad. He ignores every word Vlad says and knows absolutely nothing about him by the time they all part ways, but feels so connected to his style that in Nandor’s mind, this is his new best friend (cue bad mood for Guillermo). They wear capes, they are conquerors, they love their pets, they wear boots with pointy toes. Bonus points if Nandor notes that Vlad’s look is “a little much” at some point because irony is delicious.

Nadja cannot stand this creep. Spends hours in a ‘confessional’ interview listing everyone bastard she’s met in her long life of which Vlad reminds her, exactly how she mutilated their corpses, and how much pleasure she took in it. 

Laszlo: Vlad is relieved when Laszlo steal him away from the group to “converse in a more civilized space”, thinking Laszlo is the most normal of the bunch. Really Laszlo dragged him there to coach him on picking up sexual partners. Laszlo is convinced this pathetic chap needs to get laid pronto. Based on Plasmius’s aesthetics Laszlo assumes he’s super old, and he’s obviously been a frustrated virgin this whole time. But good lord no he’s not volunteering, he has standards. It goes as well as you think it does. We learn that Colin Robinson has taught him the word “incel” as some point.

Colin Robinson: fucking thrilled when he realizes he has an excuse to feed with some oddly specific Packers trivia. Vlad already knows every “fun fact” Colin Robinson has in store, which makes it all even juicier. When he runs out of trivia, he starts brainstorming ideas for Vlad to purchase the team. They’re all very obvious and/or generally terrible ideas. Fun plot twist: it turns out energy vampires temporarily get ghost powers if they feed off a halfa (including the ability to turn into a human, which is entirely useless to him because it’s not like he has any of the classic vampire weaknesses anyway but it’s a neat trick)

Of course I’m not leaving out Guillermo, but I don’t think he interacts with Vlad much. As usual he’s too busy solving the problem. + he has the good sense to avoid him. While the others occupy Vlad driving him crazy, Guillermo looks into Vlad’s personal history and Amity Park. He can’t stop whispering yikesyikesyikesyikes for three days at the shit he finds. He figures out the halfa thing almost instantly (the vampires have seen Vlad in both forms but assume it’s classic shape shifting, not some alive/dead thing [vampires: “you can turn into a human but not a bat? what’s the point?” Vlad: “What’s the point of turning into a bat when you can already fly without wings?”). 

What does Guillermo do when faced with a threat like this? Fucking handles it that’s what. But as skilled as he is, wooden stakes and holy water don’t do shit to Vlad (he stakes him in human form once and Vlad is more upset about ruining his suit than anything). 

So he scours the web for ways to deal with this kind of ghost, and on the way down that rabbit hole he comes across the Fentonworks site. Being their ridiculous selves, Jack and Maddie have a big old family photo of themselves and the kids that takes up the entire home page. Seeing Danny’s face (obviously the Ghost Boy of Amity Park with different eyes and hair, how is no one else seeing this?) and recognizing the Fenton name from his initial research on Vlad (news clipping from the accident), it doesn’t take long for Guillermo to figure out the personal connections. He somehow gets a hold of Danny and begs him to come deal with this bullshit, please. Danny whines “Aww, can’t you keep him for like, another week? It’s been so peaceful without him around.” but shows up the next day on their doorstep, arms crossed in a huff: “I’m here to pick up the trash.”

Vlad is thrilled to have an excuse to get away; his powers are haywire for [reasons again] and the personalities in the group are so obnoxious that he couldn’t speak long enough to make an excuse to leave before he’s interrupted again.

Except.

Guillermo never mentioned anything about vampires to Danny. But these are. Real vampires. His jaw drops and he bluescreens for a hot minute until he busts out laughing and cannot stop for the life of him.

Now, Danny showed up as Fenton and Guillermo hadn’t told anyone they were expecting a guest, much less a half-ghost (they wouldn’t even listen when he tried to explain Vlad’s situation), so when Danny literally falls over with laughter but “catches” himself with levitation before he hits the floor, all vampires present throw confused looks between each other then at Guillermo in unison. The first time Danny hears Nandor, Nadja, or Laszlo speak with their accents and fang-lisps he laughs so hard he involuntarily goes ghost, which makes him laugh harder because “you literally have me dying laughing here.” 

For weeks after the fact, Danny only speaks to Vlad in a terrible imitation of Nandor and Nadja’s accents. Vlad absolutely ruins his day when he points out how much the stupid “hero voice” he uses as Phantom sounds like Laszlo.

Guillermo and Danny keep in touch, mostly texting each other out-of-context quotes from their respective ridiculous Masters (ba dum tss)