#and then also like the disappointment (never to be laid at anyone’s door???? because literally people are always so nice to me????)

[itspileofgoodthings]

every year I look forward to my birthday so much and every year I suffer a tremendous amount on that day for at least an hour straight.

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

OFF WITH YOUR HEAD

PART 2 OF HEADS WILL ROLL

SYNOPSIS: Whenever school is in session, Eren will just keep finding new places to corner you.

PAIRING: BULLY! EREN x FEM! READER

DEDICATED TO: you guys, always you guys.

WARNINGS: unedited, slight dubcon, groping, degradation, bullying,

WORD COUNT: 2.4K

Gooooood Morning Paradis Birds! Remember to give a big round of applause to the football team for clutching the victory against reigning champion Marley High! We stay undefeated thanks to our excellent and hardworking team. Special shoutout to Captain Eren Yeager for guiding the team to another flawless victory-

You're half-heartedly paying attention to class, sleepily listening to the school announcements over the speaker until the mention of his name douses you like a shock of ice-cold water.

You can't catch the rest of the announcement because your class erupts into cheer, enthusiastically clapping their hands for the boy of the hour.

The only one not joining is you.

Eren's smile is brighter than 100 kilowatts. In the back of your mind, you wonder where he learned to smile like that. When his emotions became so practiced.

Mr.Berner tries to calm the kids down, especially Sasha who bangs on her desks and howls, creating even more hype and ruckus. The class, now in a chattier mode, excitedly breaks into little conversations.

"Man, thank god. That school is so pretentious, I'm glad we finally have something over them."

"Jeez, I know our team was good, but it's this good-?"

"-Bro, year of XXXX is stacked as fuck. It's literally never been this stacked before. We have a whole team of prodigies, it's insane-especially Eren. "

"Yepp. My dad went to Paradis too and he said shit like this never happened during his time. The academic comps were one thing, but these footballs wins? We're being put on the fucking map."

The announcements are still going on, but it's hard to hear over the noise. You're only able to catch the tail end, a useless tidbit about the word of the day.

pre·mo·ni·tion a strong feeling that something is about to happen, especially something unpleasant. Here is an example: "She had a premonition of imminent disaster" Have a good day folks, hope it's free of any premonitions!

Overhearing the unceasing praise of the boy who pinched your thighs until they bruise blue and purple was a little painful-but you were used to it. After all, he's putting Paradis on the map. Whatever the fuck that means.

While you didn't love sharing this class with him, he was seated far across the room and surrounded by a gaggle of friends. You might as well have been invisible, the way he did not acknowledge you. Maybe you should treat it as a small mercy.

Unwittingly, your eyelids grow heavy. You're sitting in the back of the class, no one would notice if you took a little nap right? Assured by the fact no one will notice, you lower your head into your folded arms and let your thoughts float.

You dream of vaguely nothing but shadows of smiles, tufts of dark hair, and the smell of the wind at sea until a noise confined to the shape of your name breaks the harmony.

"[y/n?]"

"[y/n?]"

You startle awake with pairs of eyes piercing their gazes at you. Swallowing thickly, you apologize to Mr.Berner who looks worried. He's a good teacher, and one of your favorites.

"I'm sorry Mr.Berner. I had a migraine so I laid my head down." You lie smoothly, with more grace than you knew you were capable of. Course, you could have just said you were taking an unprompted nap, but that would disappoint your lovely teacher.

He sighs, "Guess that can't be helped then. Go to the nurse ok?"

Bingo. The nurse was an understanding lady, she'd let you sleep the rest of the period off. You nod, and start to gather your materials, relieved the class' attention on you was beginning to dwindle.

"Wait, Mr.Berner, let me take her. What if she gets disoriented and falls in the hall?"

Fuuuuck. You should have known. You should have expected this because attached to the request dripping with faux concern was none other than the precious jewel of the kingdom. Eren's intrusion makes your peers perk up again at the scene unfolding in front of them.

You smile, lips tightly pressed, "I'll be fine. I don't want to distract anyone from the lesson and it's a short walk-

"It's still potentially dangerous.", Your teacher interrupts, pinching the bridge of the nose, "And while I'm completely surprised by Eren's sudden streak of altruism, he's right. Something could happen. He'll take you there safely."

A very convenient streak of altruism, all right. You think it over in your head, yeah the nurses' office is right down the hall, and once you're there, he'll leave. Sure, he'll taunt you but you can handle a few minutes worth of cruelty.

It's awkward getting up, and walking in front of the class while Eren props the door open like a gentleman. You know what a sharp contrast it must look like, you and him, you cowering into yourself, not meeting any eyes while he stands tall and confident.

"Do you have everything?" His tone is one of reassurance, and for the barest of the moments, feels too familiar. You know he's not being genuine right now, and for the first time, you question if he was genuine back then.

"You can hold onto my arm if you're too dizzy to walk." He says as you guys slip out of the classroom, purposefully a little too loudly. You hear coos from girls and a stray "She's so lucky!"

He must have heard it too, because he lowers his head to whisper into your ear, "Yeah, very lucky, aren't you?" Wisps of dark hair tickle your cheeks. You see the glint of tiny silver hoops and wonder when he had gotten his ears pierced. The illusion breaks and the performative charming prince's reassuring smile is replaced by a sneer.

"Didn't know you could lie like that, by the way. Some good girl you are if you're trying to ditch class like this." Fingers dig deep into your waist as he drags you along the empty hallway that seems to stretch on for miles.

Your breath gets stuck in your throat, "How did you know I was lying?"

Viridian eyes narrow, "I've seen you get migraines before." There's a knock on your heart. As if realizing he was talking about something far away ago, a vindictive edge laces into words pouring out of his mouth, "I bet you wanted this to happen, didn't you? Wanted to get us all alone."

He's trying to get a rise out of you, that much is obvious. So you ignore him to the best of your ability.

...which quickly proved to be futile, as you suddenly find your arm pinned to your back, and your front facing the nearest walls.

"I asked you a fucking question bitch." He's practically growling, "Fucking answer me."

If there was a world record for the shortest temper, best believe Eren Yeager will have collected that accolade too. He's getting too worked up, and you could definitely feel his harness poking the back on your ass, as he grinds into you.

You manage to crane your neck, wanting to have your face shoved into the wall, and then venomously spit out, "You're not looking for answers. You just want me to repeat whatever you think is true."

This position brings back flashbacks to the library when he caged you in against the bookshelves, and like then, he spins you around to face him quite abruptly.

His smile is full of sharp teeth, "No. I know I'm right."

You don't respond. He moves in closer, his breath fanning on your earlobes. Your body can't help but let an involuntary shudder, and you close your eyes, not wanting to see his pleased grin or the way the fluorescent light makes his hoops gleam like silver bullets.

One calloused finger flicks your nipple, "Do you want to know why I'm right?"

At your lack of response, the dark-haired boy rolls your nipple in between his fingers before pinching it painfully, eliciting a small whimper out of your fuckable lips. "N-no", you answer finally. You're wearing your thinnest bra because of the seasonal heat, and you can't help but regret that decision right now. The fact he's only paying attention to one of your nipples is driving you insane. Not that you want it, but you're so fucking sensitive right now. You struggle in his hold, causing him to hold you tighter, and by now his nails were probably embedded into your skin.

He chuckles at your honesty, rewarding you with a thick stripe of his tongue over the collared shirt of your uniform making you gasp. Did he just-, over your shirt too-, you look down and see a very visible wet spot.

Taking advantage of your distracted state, a eager hand snakes under your skirt until it settles in the middle of your panties. He licks your earlobe before speaking, his voice like ice under your heels.

"You were so fucking wet that day in the library while saying you hated me the entire time," he pauses as his fingers scissor you through your panties, as if to drive the message home, "About as wet as you are right now."

There's a wet spot there too, also caused by him. You crush your eyes shut, "Eren...please just take me to the nurse." You're not even struggling anymore, holding onto him out of your own accord, worried that if you don't hold onto anything-you'd fall on your knees.

The very headache you lied about having seemed not so non-existent after all.

Eren hooks his arms under the plush of your thighs, "Yeah. Of course, that's what I came to do, right?"

*

You had hoped you'd be granted a reprieve in the nurses' office but you'd forgotten that luck was never really in your favor. Because while you guys had entered the squeaky-clean office, the nurse was nowhere in sight.

Instead, a note sat on her desk in unassuming frilly cursive that Eren read with glee.

Sorry students! Minor emergency to take care of, and I'll be back by the middle of the next period. If you're badly hurt, see Mr.Ackerman in room 203. If not, just sit tight! Feel free to take up the beds.

Thank you,

Ms.Ral

Eren had turned to you with shining green eyes, "Since no one's here, I guess I'll have to keep you company. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

There was something claustrophobic about how Eren stood in front of the door as if to signify to get out of here, you had to get through him.

"Maybe I can get Mr.Ackerman..."

Eren's sudden bout of laughter makes you wince and retreat inside of yourself, "For what? A fake headache? You really wanna inconvenience him like that? Mr.Ackerman?"

You take slow steps backward until the back of your knees hit the school bed, making you stumble as you clumsily take a seat. Eren's been marching forward with every retreating step you took, and it's no surprise when he pushes you down the bed, strong hands on the side of your head, while his muscular legs force your thighs apart so he can settle himself in between.

"We have some time to kill, you know." Strands of dark hair fall into his eyes, and without thinking, you reach upwards to brush them aside.

He grips your wrist before you make it that far, nearly gritting out a "What are you doing?"

You just stare, not really knowing why that was your impulse either. Finally, you mouth out, "I want you to leave Eren."

The grip on your wrist is tighter than ever, and you very well know that you're going to have new finger-shaped bruises before the old ones even finish healing.

"And I want to stay." He punctuates each word slowly, and all you can think is how being pinned to a bed is much less painful than having the hard surface of wood digging onto your back.

You're fully aware of the heat in your core, and having Eren on top of you doesn't make this it any easier because fuck, he is attractive. Maddeningly so. And maybe you want him to go away so bad because you're afraid that if his fingers are caught inside of you, you'll thank him for it.

As if reading your mind, he lets go of your wrist (making a mental note of your sluggish movements and slipping resistance) and massages your warm hole from your panties.

"Eren please" You grit out. He merely chuckles, "What are you asking for, whore?"

You could feel tears threatening to fall. This was so embarrassing. Did you want this? Yes, yes. yes, yes. You were so wet right now and had enough of the teasing.

He alternated his kneading from slow and soft to fast and rough, and you couldn't help but let out the prettiest little moans Eren's ever heard. Since you lose all pretenses of resistance, his other hand roughly brushes against your hardened nipples, straining against the fabric of your shirt.

Okay, he decided. He's going to make you beg.

"Beg." It's announced like a command, and while you hear it, you don't really register it because your hips are busy chasing the heat, and it's all too much of an utter disappointment when his long thin fingers leave.

"I said beg slut."

"Eren, please, please. I need you so bad." You're blubbering and you don't care. You just want his pretty fingers to shove aside your panties and rub against your folds. You think back to the library, how wet you were, how the stupid fucking phone call from his coach interrupted him pumping his fingers inside of you. And you didn't know if you were happy or mad he left. But now, all you crave is the blissful wave of pleasure- the very pleasure he's been denying you.

Eren looks down at you, green eyes scrutinizing. After a long while of what it seems to be him just staring, he wipes his fingers on your skirt, brushes back his hair with a wayward hand.

"Looks like I should head back to class. See you later."

Too numb to say anything, you watch him leave with a smirk on his face. When you're sure he's walked away, you curl into yourself and cry.

[comradeocean]

Andor ep 11 spoilers

as a faildaughter/failgranddaughter, having family members die before you could belatedly fulfil a single aspect of long disappointed hopes is a nightmare I am continuously living through, so the episode ending was instant waterworks for me.

just to torture myself, I went back and watched all the Cassian Maarva scenes and was slightly relieved to discover it wasn't just some weird emotional imagined over-identification on my part (I mean, it is obviously, but it's also a key aspect of the actual characterization from the show). like, from ep 1, Cassian is the quintessential bright but angry and troubled kid getting mixed up with local ne'er do wells, making rash decisions, breaking hearts left and right, and just generally having a rough time of it because life served him a shit sandwich from the get-go. which, as a ne'er do well smuggler herself, who literally, you know, abducted the kid, Maarva has enough personal experience with, and is self-aware enough, and decent enough, to be able to handle it the best it could be handled given the circumstances (that she had no small part in creating): a door that is never locked, a bed laid out for him, and the awareness that she's in no position to judge. which she couldn't always do, obviously, because she's prickly and judgmental and had all kinds of opinions about his friends and the girls and how he spent his time and money, and nagged him about it and complained to anyone who would listen and probably lots of people who preferred not to. so she wasn't nice about it. but she tried. and her love was never in doubt. never conditional or predicated on what he got up to or what he made of himself.

which he must have known and felt at such an intrinsic level and loved her back just as instinctively and intrinsically, because even as he was forever helplessly making Maarva fret, he was doing his utmost to hide the worst of it from her because it's not like he wanted to cause trouble. he was just trying to survive, to the best of his ability, the way life and Clem and Maarva taught him, to the bests and worsts of their abilities. whatever their history and their temperaments, there's nothing more he wanted than to be able to take care of his ma and make her proud. which he's never fully been capable of, and definitely not both at the same time. until now. but she's dead. and that's just life.

the first time, maybe, he had to try to be the only one who could do something for her, was to end the physical horror of Clem's body hung up and swinging in the square. and he failed, probably, because he ran up to those troopers with nothing but his old wooden blow-gun from Kenari. Only made things worse maybe, because he probably got locked up for it and Maarva lost him for a time too, in addition to losing Clem.

and the last thing he ended up being able to do for her, even if he didn't set out to do it, was to banish the metaphysical horror of Clem's body in that square. forever! for good! and she'll never know. he had to make sure of it. and their last conversation was a fight. a point of seemingly-fundamental contradiction that was not resolvable but that she had hope could be resolvable even if he did not and which turned out to be eminently resolvable but is no longer resolvable because she is dead. and that's just life.

[moonctzeny]

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol  

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn’t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

[live-the-fangirl-life]

Rainy Day Rescuer

Feyre Archeron x Rhysand - OneShot

Feyre gets locked out in the rain and fears she'll have to tough out the storm. That is, until a kind stranger opens his window.

Masterlist | Read on Ao3

Warnings: Language

2130 words

*******

Feyre’s favorite thing about her apartment building wasn't the location or the free parking—although she did love that—it was the rooftop.

She’d lived in the building almost a month before realizing she could access the roof. The padlock on the door was apparently for appearances only, and it easily came off when she pulled on it. She figured out how to rest it back on the door so that when she was out on the roof the door still looked locked to anyone who didn't know better.

So far, she hadn't run into any of her neighbors trying to share the spot, but she knew someone else used it. Normally, she came up here to paint or to think and look at the stars. The view from the roof was lovely; she could see the city center and all the lit-up buildings, and the Sidra river that flowed through it.

The first time she set up her easel, one of her paintbrushes rolled away, and when she tracked it down behind an old broken crate she found a book had been carefully tucked away behind it.

Feyre couldn't help it when she picked up the book to get a better look at it. She glanced around quickly before chiding herself, knowing that no one else was out there with her. She recognized it as some sort of mythology retelling. Feyre flipped through it, trying to find some name or any indication of who it belonged to. All she found was an old receipt from a clothing store being used as a bookmark.

Spotting her runaway paintbrush, she grabbed it and put the book back where she found it.

That wasn't the last time she saw that book, and it certainly wasn't the last time she lost one of her paintbrushes.

In the next few weeks, every time Feyre went out to the roof she looked for the book.

It was always in that same place, hidden away so it wouldn't be noticed. But every time she opened the book the bookmark was moved a little further along.

She also started noticing annotations written in the margins. Feyre tried to imagine what this person must be like. It was odd, but kind of fascinating to follow along with this person’s progress.

She tried to focus on the fascinating part, and not the part that made her feel a bit like a creep for peeping into this person’s thoughts.

Except, when she made her routine book check that night, it was gone.

Feyre tried not to feel too disappointed. Why was she so invested in another person’s book? But it had become a constant that she looked forward to, and now it was gone. She could only hope they would start another one.

She laid out a thin blanket and sat down to look at the stars.

She must have dozed off at some point because she was woken up by raindrops hitting her face. It wasn't heavy yet, but she could tell it was going to start soon.

Ignoring the drizzle, she glanced at her phone. Feyre groaned and sat up, rubbing her face.

“Ugh, okay Fey, let’s call it a night.” She mumbled to herself, sleepy and moving slowly. She packed the blanket in her large tote bag and went to go back inside. Pulling on the door, she stumbled back a step. She was too tired, her grip was already slipping.

Feyre adjusted the bag on her shoulder and pulled the door again.

It didn't move.

She gripped the handle with both hands and pulled, hard.

Nothing happened.

“No, no, no, no, no…”

Feyre was wide awake now. This couldn't be happening. Shit.

She threw her bag down and used all her strength to open the door she ultimately knew wouldn't budge.

Breathing heavily from the exertion, she stepped back from the door.

“Shit.”

The rain was beginning to pick up.

“Really?!”

Lunging for her bag, Feyre dug around until she felt her phone. Gripping it, she unlocked it and was about to find someone to call for help...but she had no service.

How could she not have any service? Oh, gods, she was going to be stuck out on the roof, in the rain, until someone decided to come out there. It could be who-knows-how-long until that happened.

Spinning around, Feyre caught sight of her salvation.

“The fire escape!” Beaming, she grabbed her bag and ran over to it. “You beautiful, fantastic fire escape, help me out.”

Feyre managed to climb down the four stories of stairs and ladders without slipping on the slick metal. Gods, wouldn't that be a sight? She’d slip and come tumbling down the rest of the way, providing free entertainment to whoever walked past the building’s back alley.

When she finally made it to the lowest landing she tried to lower the final ladder that would bring her to the ground.

Only, it wouldn't move.

“Come on,” she muttered, still trying to force it down, “Don’t do this to me. I’m so close!” Feyre looked down to see the drop. Cringing, she admitted it was farther than she trusted herself to jump without breaking something—most likely her.

Thunder boomed and lightning flashed across the sky. Feyre pressed herself against the building as the rain finally poured down.

“Seriously?!” She shouted up into the apparent waterfall above her head.

A knock from behind her startled her enough that she jumped around and let out a loud shriek.

“Um, are you okay?”

A voice came from a window set into the wall that she hadn't noticed before with a man’s face pressed up against it. Through the rain streaming down the glass, she couldn't tell if he looked more concerned or wary at her appearance.

It took her a second to respond.

“No.” She tried to shake the wet hair out of her face. “I’m not.”

“Are you trying to go up or down?”

Ah. He was probably worried she was just some random person who decided to hop up onto his balcony landing.

“Down.” She said, trying not to think of how bizarre it must be for him to look out and see a woman stuck outside his window, sopping wet.

This really wasn't how she wanted to make first impressions with her neighbors.

“I got locked out on the roof and tried to get down the fire escape, but,” she gestured to herself and the now downpouring rain that was making this conversation difficult, “it didn't really work.”

She hoped he would offer before she had to ask the insane request.

Thankfully he did.

His eyebrows shot up and he seemed to finally notice how bad the rain was. Hastily opening the window, he gestured for her to come in.

“Come in, it looks awful out there.”

Before she could think better of accepting the stranger's invitation to literally climb into their apartment, she picked up her soaking bag from the grate at her feet and crawled over the windowsill, quickly closing the window behind her to block the storm.

Maneuvering to a standing position, Feyre took a moment to take a breath and thank whoever was listening for her unexpected savior.

She turned to face him. He was tall, she would have to crane her neck up if stood much closer. And he had vibrant violet eyes that the artist in her wanted to study.

“Hang on a second.” He left her standing in his living room. Feyre looked around at the sofa and tv that took up most of the space, the bookshelf propped against one wall, and pictures of friends on the wall.

The man came back in with a towel in hand.

“Here, try this.” He handed it to her politely.

“Thanks.” She quickly wrapped it around herself, trying to dry off and stop shivering.

“No problem.” He looked like he was going to ask her something when something on the bookshelf caught her eye.

“It was your book?” She gasped, pulling the familiar volume from the shelf. Feyre whirled around to face the dark-haired man who was looking at her warily. “You’re the one who’s been using the roof!”

He stepped closer to her and gently took the book from her hands, casually flipping through it. Flicking his eyes up at her, he asked, “How did you know about my book?”

Feyre could feel her cheeks heating and she could've sworn a smirk made its way across his face.

“I, uh, found it one day.”

“You found it?” he asked skeptically. “I hid it behind some old box, how did you find it?”

At least he just looked curious, and mildly amused, and not disturbed at her snooping. Yeah, maybe it was tucked away, but anyone who tried for more than a minute could’ve found it, so she didn't feel as bad.

Drawing as much pride as she could muster when she was dripping water onto this man’s carpet, she huffed, “It was a crate, not a box.” He grinned and she went on, “and for your information, I dropped a paintbrush and it rolled over there. I found the book when I was chasing my brush. I don't actively seek out other people’s things to snoop.”

His grin widened as she explained and by the end, he was chuckling.

“And here I thought you just really wanted to get to know my reading tastes.”

She scoffed, but hid a grin, “Yeah, sure. I don't even know you.”

As she said it, she realized it was true.

Besides the fact that he lived in her building and was kind enough to let her in from the rain, she had no idea who this man was.

It seemed he remembered the same thing as he gave her a charming smile and held out his hand.

“You can call me Rhys.”

“Rhys?” She raised a brow. She’d never met anyone named Rhys before.

“My full name is Rhysand, but,” he paused to wink at her, “the people I like call me Rhys.”

Feyre rolled her eyes at his not-so-subtle flirting but met his hand with her own.

“Feyre. Just Feyre.” She held his gaze for a few more minutes before they both dropped their hands.

“Well, Just Feyre, I think I have something for you.”

Before she could respond, he vanished into the other room. He had something for her? What? Was this some other lame attempt at flirting?

She’d let him flirt if he wanted to, maybe she was a little interested to see what he’d try.

But he came back out to stand in front of her with one hand behind his back.

“Yes?” She tried to peek around him, but he angled his body away so she couldn't see what he was holding.

Leaning in close to her, Rhys said, “I believe that is yours.” With a flourish, he brought his hand in front of him.

“My paintbrush!” Feyre couldn't believe it. She looked back and forth between the brush and the man holding it, “I’ve been looking for this one. I lost it weeks ago! How do you have it?”

Rhys smiled broadly at her as she took it from his outstretched hand.

“I found it near the back corner one night, it must have just rolled away from you. It looked like it could blend right into the wall.”

Ceasing her inspection of the brush, shocked that she had found it—that Rhys had had it—she looked at him and beamed.

He blinked, almost dazedly, as he watched her smile.

“Thank you!”

Without thinking, she reached up and wrapped her arms around him in a quick hug. Rhys tensed, and at that moment Feyre remembered that she was still soaking wet from the rain. Wincing, she hastily pulled away before he had a chance to return her hug.

“Sorry. I got excited.” She glanced down to see the small puddle on the floor beneath her and cringed. “I should probably go.”

“Hm? Oh.” Rhys cleared his throat and nodded, “Right. You probably want to change into something dry.”

“Yeah.” They both stood there awkwardly staring at each other, not sure what to say next.

“Okay,” Feyre picked up her bag and took a step towards the door. “I’m just gonna...” She trailed off as she and Rhys pivoted around each other so that she was closer to the door.

He walked with her the last few steps, pausing when she opened the door and turned back to him.

“Thank you, Rhys. For the paintbrush, and for not making me stand outside like a drowned cat all night.”

His laugh made Feyre crack a smile.

“Anytime Feyre, darling.”

She smiled.

“Goodnight Rhys.”

He mirrored her smile.

“Goodnight Feyre.”

Maybe getting locked out wasn’t so bad, after all.

***

Taglist:

@allthebooksunderthemoon

@astra-ad-mare

@becarefuloflove

@bisexual-genderfluid-fan

@booklover41802

@charlizeed

@cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

@danibutterr

@doubt-less

@emily-gsh

@enormousbooklover

@foughtconquered

@fromthelibraryofemilyj

@hakunamatatazz

@i-have-but-one-brain-cell

@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato

@jorjy-jo

@lemonade-coolattas

@live-the-fangirl-life

@mariamuses

@mayhemories

@midsizewitch

@miserablesmusings

@morganofthewildfire

@nehemikkele

@rowaelinismyotp

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@sleeping-and-books

@stardelia

@story-scribbler

@superspiritfestival

@surielandiareendgame

@swankii-art-teacher

@tomtenadia

@westofmoon

@whimsicallyreading

[morkleemelon]

nct ideal types 2021 :: 127

dream version | the confirmed facts are all from various interviews or fan questions but ‘my thoughts’ may well not be accurate! this is just for fun~ mark and haechan are in the dream version

moon taeil

confirmed: someone cute with a short bob hairstyle

my thoughts:

taeil is a super chill, laid back guy who gets along with more outgoing members like johnny and haechan. this makes me believe he’d want a funny, outgoing partner to balance with his personality

he mentioned cute so this makes me think small or petite. definitely shorter than him.

he said once that he would love to sing to his future girlfriend all the time (she will be so lucky oh my gosh). not to mention he is very passionate about music and dropped out of a prestigious music school to join nct. so he would definitely need someone who likes and appreciates music

he said if he were a girl, he’d date yuta out of all of the 127 members. so perhaps he just thinks yuta is boyfriend material, but maybe taeil is attracted to the strong-minded, caring type

seo johnny

confirmed: someone who smiles at him a lot. similar to girl’s generation’s yoona

my thoughts: 

johnny seems to get along with everyone so this is a bit tricky to try to determine. he confirmed he likes yoona so going off of that, she’s obviously gorgeous and has a beautiful smile. her personality is also elegant, but down to earth and funny

he was voted by everyone including himself as the most romantic member. he says that he hopes one day he can build christmas trees with his wife just like he used to do with his mom (I’m so soft). I think he’s looking for someone who likes sappy romance and will flirt back with him

he’s tall. and since he named yoona as his ideal type, I think he’d prefer a taller girl (but not taller than him). then again, I’m not sure if he’d care all too much 

he said he would date doyoung if he were a girl so I think that entails someone easily tease-able, neat, and proper

lee taeyong

confirmed: someone who can teach him, lead him, and make up for his flaws. a girl with long hair of any race. laid back. his ideal type is the same as ten’s. someone hard-working has a tough style. 

my thoughts:

he’s highkey a weeb (don’t deny this). no matter how charismatic he is on stage, we all know he’s a big softie who likes bugs and frogs and anime. he expressed he had a really hard time coming out of his shell and he’s quite introverted. he needs someone who’s strong-minded and knows what they’re doing

I remember when the rookies just came out in like 2014 and TY was 19 (?) ish and he confirmed that he’d never dated anyone yet. nobody believed him because he was so handsome but I have a feeling he was telling the truth. it’s been several years since then so I’m not sure how things have changed, but I have a feeling he would like someone experienced.

“any race” what a king. looks-wise besides having long hair, I can envision someone with great style. perhaps dyed hair, multiple piercings, tattoos, the works. fashion is something that tae really appreciates

nakamoto yuta

confirmed: a girl with short hair and is around 15 cm shorter than him (so about 160cm aka 5′3″). an empathetic, cute girl who doesn’t ‘act pretty’. someone bright and comfortable

my thoughts:

he has a lot of confirmed facts about looks which are also really specific. maybe he just knows what he wants. but I also thinks he has experience. it seems like he wants a tomboy who has a strong vibe

he likes being the ‘oppa’ and taking care of others like we see him do with winwin, mark, and jungwoo. he’d be into someone who looks up to him and who he can lead

I don’t have a reason but I think he would like someone who laughs a lot and laughs at his jokes (maybe because mark does and he loves mark)

someone who’s not embarrassed to be herself

during oshiete japan they had to pick out of 4 types of roses to gift to their ‘girlfriend’. him and haechan were the only ones who chose to give 3 roses to their ‘girlfriend’. the psychologist analyzed this and said that they’re ‘flirts who seek attention’. so that being said, I think yuta would like someone who gives him a lot of attention and reactions

kim doyoung

confirmed: someone polite and who treats their elders well

my thoughts:

I mean this in all seriousness, someone the exact opposite as haechan. while we can see in rare times that he does care for him, doyoung usually cannot stand haechan and all his tricks and taunting. as his confirmed type outlines, doie is really looking for someone who takes things seriously and listens to him well

I think he often feels underappreciated - a lot of times during his mv viewing reactions, the editors show another member during his part or just cut him out and you can tell he’s really disappointed (it hurts my heart). he would really like someone who goes out of their way to make him feel appreciated. 

when nct 127 went on oshiete japan, doyoung was the only one to pick the potted rose and the psychologist there said that it means he isn’t looking to just date around, but rather to settle down and have a stable relationship. I strongly believe that doyoung is looking for someone long-term.

also, his love language is giving gifts (from my observation since he often gifts the members foods during mv shoots and gifted TY the couple ring). my best guess is that he’d want to spoil his partner a lot with gifts to show his feelings. someone who appreciates his gifts and understands that they come from his heart

he thinks ariana grande is hot so that’s the only visual thing I can think of. she’s obviously very gorgeous but she’s petite and has an amazing voice

jung jaehyun

confirmed: a kind woman with long, straight hair who can communicate well with him. someone dependable, healthy, and into sports. someone usually calm but can be cute. doesn’t care if she’s older or younger. someone similar to him. someone like singer/actress IU. 

my thoughts: 

he has a lot of confirmed facts so I don’t have to make many assumptions here. someone with girl next door energy? 

he says he likes IU, so going with that, someone petite and cute. She’s not afraid to speak her mind and treats everyone with kindness.

I think J was born to be romantic (literally, born on valentines day). he said his previous ambition was to be a teen dad and his lines from make a wish english version “spoil her with loyalty” sum up my next prediction: he wants someone like a best friend who’s in it for the long run

dong sicheng

confirmed: someone with long, black hair

my thoughts:

he said his favorite actress is shu qi. although I don’t know if he just likes her acting or if she actually fits his ideal type, she is a traditional chinese beauty which I think winwin appreciates

he’s really introverted and is often overwhelmed by affection (i.e. all of the nct members). the exception is jaehyun and winwin seems to be the most comfortable around him. this makes me think he wants someone calm and chic

sicheng prefers staying inside to going out. not to diagnose him at all, but I reckon he can get socially anxious around large amounts of people. he’d like a partner who doesn’t overwhelm him and understands him

he really can’t cook (he couldn’t turn on a stove to make an egg on winformation). in the end, it wouldn’t matter, but i’m thinking that if you can cook you’d certainly earn some bonus points with him. it’s like that saying ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’.

kim jungwoo

confirmed: n/a

my thoughts: 

of all the members, I think jungwoo has expressed the least about his ideal type. not to make any unnecessary assumptions (but that’s all this post is really), but someone said he has strong bi energy. I can’t say anything because I’m not bi myself and I’m not him, but I can see this being a thing. take this with a grain of salt because I don’t actually have evidence

during oshiete japan, he was the only one to pick the large bouquet of roses to give to his ‘lover’. the psychologist analyzed this as him liking to pretend that he is in love and wanting to show his good side. he “can’t express his real feelings and doesn’t want to ever show his lame side to his lover”. because of this, I strongly feel that jungwoo would need someone who lifts his confidence and reassures him

the members he gets along with the most are probably yuta and mark. their personalities are quite different but based on their similarities, I think he is attracted to confidence, open-mindedness, and good work ethic.

[rosiehunterwolf]

CONGRATS ON 100 FOLLOWERS FREN 💖💖 you deserve it and so much more

If you're feeling up to it (DONT FEEL OBLIGATED DO U HEAR ME MY DEAR) movie verse Jay my beloved

asfljdlkj tysm Amour! I'm so glad to have you as part of my tumblr family, ur one of my best friends on here 💕✨

i really needed to write something movie!verse because I LOVE movie!verse and haven't written anything yet, so I was excited for this one

(@fabro-de-omres you've said in the past that you would love to read it if I wrote something movie!verse, so here's ✨content✨)

I'll chase you to the moon and back

Summary: When you’re in a secret ninja force and are your city’s primary protectors, pulling your weight is important.

Jay tries to be an asset to his team, but it’s difficult when he’s viewed as the scaredy-cat who cracks lame jokes. He loves his friends with all his heart, but sometimes it’s hard to know if they return those feelings.

Jay wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t.

Sometimes, Jay felt like he was a burden to the team.

He tried not to, he really did- he knew the others liked him and cared about him. But standing next to strong Cole, smart Zane, brave Kai, determined Nya, or warm-hearted Lloyd, it was difficult not to feel… inadequate.

It didn’t help that Cole hadn’t answered any of his recent texts.

It could be anything, Jay told himself as he stared down at the unread messages, resisting the urge to send another text. He could have an appointment he forgot to tell me about, or maybe he’s just not looking at his phone right now, or he simply doesn’t share my urgency to answer a text message so quickly. Cole had always been much more laid back about that, raising an eyebrow as Jay always scrambled to answer the text from his mom, or whoever had sent it this time.

But Cole was also Jay’s best friend. He knew he got anxious when someone left him unread for too long. Because of that, he had always been good about answering Jay’s texts quickly, even as the others still groaned about the earth ninja taking ages to respond to them.

For him to go an hour without responding was… concerning, to say the least.

Jay pushed the thoughts aside. He was probably just overthinking this, like he always was. Cole would get back to him soon. It wasn’t like he was ignoring him, or anything.

Maybe the others are up to something. He opened the group chat, but although there were usually a hundred notifications at any given time- he had learned that the hard way the first day he had joined, turning on his phone after school to a whopping 785 texts- it was empty now. The last text was from Lloyd, asking Kai to meet him at his locker before lunch.

Jay felt his heart rate spike. The lack of an argument between Kai and Nya in the last five minutes alone was worrying- because heaven forbid they actually talk things out in person, even if they literally lived one bedroom down from each other- and his mind quickly spiraled into possibilities. Had someone kidnapped them? Had their parents grounded them? Or maybe they had committed a crime and gotten thrown into jail. He wouldn’t put it past Kai and Nya to pull something dumb- Cole and Zane would go along with it, and Lloyd would never speak up enough to voice his disproval-

No, don’t be ridiculous, they wouldn’t commit a crime.

Well… Kai might. But the others would stop him.

What if they made a separate group chat without me?

No. His friends would never do that. They’d be more likely to commit that crime.

But the thought wouldn’t leave Jay’s brain, and before he knew it, he was sending a text in the group chat.

jaybird123: What r u guys up to? Wanna hang?

He immediately regretted it. What if he came off as too clingy? Too overbearing? They probably just wanted some time to themselves.

That didn’t sound quite right to Jay, but he stuffed his phone in his pocket, forcing the thought out of his mind.

He decided to go to the park- watching the people there always gave him good ideas for inventions. He was too late to catch a bus down there, but it wasn’t too far to walk.

His phone buzzed, and he glanced down.

thegreendragon: sorry jay, got plans 2nite. maybe tmrrw?

Jay tried to stop the pang of disappointment. Lloyd wouldn’t lie to him. The others probably were just busy. It was no big deal. Tomorrow, things would be back to normal.

A couple of blocks away, he caught the sounds of annoyed shouts, the kind that usually hinted towards the presence of-

He stopped, blinking, as a boy darted past the onlookers and into the shop.

Huh. Lloyd?

Starting towards the store his friend had vanished into, Jay peered through the window, looking for Lloyd-

Jay froze. Lloyd was standing with the others, animatedly babbling something to them as they watched him happily.

Jay shrunk back. They really had met up without him, and had lied about it, too. He wasn’t being paranoid- his friends just didn’t want him around.

For a moment, the shock left Jay floundering. He had no other friends. The other ninja were his entire livelihood. What was he meant to do now?

He quickly wiped at the tears pooling in his eyes. I’ll go home. My mom will know what to do.

He had the worst feeling that this was something that even his mom couldn’t fix, though.

About halfway home, a buzz in his pocket interrupted him from his stupor. Pulling out his phone, he saw there was a new message in the group chat.

rock’n’cole: hey jay, something just came up, can u meet us at the warehouse asap?

Jay just stared at his phone for a minute, debating whether to actually show up or not. After all, the others had ditched him, why shouldn’t he do the same? And he still felt hurt- he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk to them yet. He really should just go home.

jaybird123: sure, i’ll be there in 20

Jay had never been good at holding grudges.

Thirty minutes later (he had ended up stalling a little bit just for the spite of it) he pushed through the doors of the warehouse. It was pitch black inside, and as he fumbled around for the lights, he couldn’t help but notice that no one else was there. It was stupid of me to come. They just abandoned me. Again.

Suddenly, the lights burst on, and the others were jumping out from behind the furniture, cheering and hugging him. Jay stumbled backward, taken aback. “What’s going on?”

Kai looked at him like he was crazy, gesturing widely at all the balloons and streamers that Jay could see now that the lights were on. “It’s a party, dumbass, what else do you think?”

“What for? It’s not my birthday!”

Nya scoffed, as if he had just told her that men lived on the moon. “Of course not, this is for your Ninja-versary!”

“My… what?”

“The anniversary of the day you first became a ninja, stupid!”

“Oh.” He blinked around at all the decor. “All this? Just for something as simple as that?”

Kai wasn’t the only one looking at him like he had sprouted a second head, now.

“Are you kidding?” Cole said. “We’re not going to skimp on celebrating the day one of our favorite people came into our lives.”

Jay blinked at him. “I…” I’m so sorry for ever doubting you. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

“Now, what are we waiting around for?” Cole threw an arm around Jay’s shoulders. “Let’s go get some cake!”

As the ninja hurried over to the table, squabbling over who would get which slice, Jay squashed between the middle of his big, loud, bickering family, he couldn’t have felt more at home.

[tropes-and-tales-archives]

Rafael Barba:  Pretty Nearly Perfect

Word Count:  6953

TW:  Angst; Smut (Frank discussions about consent; PiV, unprotected).  18+ only.

It was pure happenstance that you even met Rafael Barba at all.

There had been two events hosted in the same hotel in midtown that evening:  some Harvard Law school alumni event, and your department’s annual shindig.  The two rooms that housed each event shared a common hallway, a set of bathrooms….so when you, pleasantly tipsy, rounded a corner and bumped into a someone, you knew he belonged to the Harvard Law group, not yours.  The man’s sharp suit, slightly stuffy, screamed ‘Ivy League lawyer.’

His eyes, though, had been a brilliant green, and he had a smile-smirk on his handsome face as he had reached out to help steady you.

You’d find out later that he had been tipsy too.  Otherwise, he might never have asked for your number or called you that very night to make a date before he sobered up completely.

-----

That had been months ago.  Rafael Barba wasn’t like any other man you’d dated.  You had largely only dated guys your own age, so when Rafael came along, you weren’t prepared for someone so….put together.  He didn’t treat you like his mother, responsible for his meals or laundry.  He didn’t treat you like his therapist, responsible for his moods.

He treated you like a person.  It was so foreign, it felt almost wrong.

Rafael was an A.D.A with Manhattan, and his time was at a premium, but your early courtship was still a revelation.  He made space for you in his crowded calendar, took you to dinners and movies and long walks around Central Park.  He held doors open for you, helped you into your coat, saw you safely home.

Before he kissed you that first time, he had asked, almost shyly, if he could.  Everything that came after came with that same, slightly hesitant request.  Can I kiss you?  Can I touch you there?  Is this okay?  Will you tell me to stop if it’s too much?  It was endearing, being so cared for.

*****

Sometimes Rafael Barba thought being single was easier.

Lonelier?  Absolutely.  But easier?  Sometimes, yes.

He knew he loved you, intensely and in a way he’d never loved anyone else.  He could blame the scotch that first night he met you – when you literally walked into him at his alumni event – but sober, your charms were more apparent and Rafael thanked himself for getting your number and setting up that first date.  You were gorgeous, smart, and funny.  

You were also laid-back and patient, which was fortune for Rafael, because he knew he was a disappointment.

He couldn’t give you as much of his time as he wanted.  He had to skip events, reschedule dinners, miss milestones.  He came home tired, weary to the bone, unable to even keep his eyes open as you talked about your day.  You never got mad at him, though.  

You seemed to understand the need for justice that drove him, though he was always vague about his work. You were a tenure-track professor at Hudson, and you studied American history for a living.  You were a bright little corner of his life, untainted by serial rapists and child abuse and domestic violence cases.  

You stayed at his apartment more and more, and when he came home late to find you curled up in his bed? It was the best medicine his weary self could ever have.

He tried to show how much you meant to him, especially in bed.  You were younger than him, with the stamina to match, so Rafael was exceptionally attentive.  Apparently your past lovers had been….disappointing, so it was a shot to his ego to make you come multiple times, multiple ways.  

His favorite was simply when he came home to find you already asleep in his bed.  Sometimes you woke up, kissed him, went back to sleep….but sometimes you woke up and coaxed the torpor out of his blood.  Rafael loved that best, stripping you out of your sleepwear, feeling your warm body against his, sliding into you like you were his safe harbor from the terrible world he worked in.  Making you come against him, finding his own release.  Then falling asleep together.  

-----

Sometimes, schedules aligned in a way that felt like magic.  You had just gotten an essay accepted for publication.  Rafael had a case suddenly plead out, and he found himself with a golden opportunity to spend time with you:  him, with an entire free weekend, and you celebrating a professional victory.

He planned it all out perfectly.  Dinner at a cozy Mexican fusion restaurant, salsa dancing afterwards.  You were practically giddy all night:  between your good news at work and the two margaritas you had at the restaurant…and maybe more than a little from the dancing too.  You were a good dancer, and whatever you lacked in more advanced moves, you made up for in pure energy.  You had looked lovely at dinner, by candlelight, but dancing now, you were entirely sexy.  Your skirt belled out each time he spun you, and he’d tug your body back to his with enough force to make you laugh.

Dancing always had an effect on you.  Rafael could feel your desire for him on the cab ride home; it practically crackled in the air like static electricity.  You didn’t act on it, though.  You only leaned against him, threaded your fingers though his as you held his hand.

Once inside his apartment though, you pounced on him, and Rafael had to steady himself against the door. You were in heels, so you were nearly his height, and you pressed the length of your body against his as you kissed him, hard.  He opened his mouth to catch his breath, and you took the opportunity to slide your tongue against his.  He could just taste the sweet-acidic remnants of your margaritas, but he knew you weren’t drunk.  You had burned all the alcohol off dancing with him.

“Let’s move this to the bedroom,” he growled when he broke away to shift his mouth to your throat.  You breathed out your assent, then tugged him down the hallway so quickly and insistently he laughed at your ardor.

You untied the belt that held your wrap-dress together and stepped out of it, and Rafael paused in his own disrobing to watch you.  You looked like a dream:  you kicked out of your shoes, leaving you in just your bra and panties.  They were far sexier than your usual lingerie – semi-sheer black lace edged in black satin, cut to reveal a generous portion of your skin.

“Are those new?” he asked as most of his blood journeyed to his groin.  

You nodded and stepped over to kiss him again, and his hands settled on your hips as you arched against him.  You helped ease his undershirt over his head, and he shifted his hands until they rested on your ass.  He pulled you closer to him, felt his clothed erection bump against your stomach.

“Do you like them?” you purred against his ear.  “I bought them for a special occasion and was just waiting to wear them.”

To answer you, he dipped his head down and kissed the soft swell of your breasts, pushed up almost obscenely by your bra.  You threaded your hand through his hair and pressed him more firmly against you, and he worked his mouth down lower until he was kissing your nipple though the sheer lace.

“Harder,” you panted, but he only shifted the fabric aside and kissed you more – a trail of gentle kisses from one breast to the other, then back up your throat and returning to your pouting mouth.

Rafael had the entire night choreographed in his head (lie you down, strip you naked, put his mouth to good use, then his cock), but you had other ideas:  when he tried to walk you backwards to lie you down, you turned on him, crawled onto the bed on all fours and shot a fetching smile over your shoulder at him.

He hesitated, then crawled onto the bed behind you.  He didn’t miss your pleased little growl as he did, but he only pressed kisses to the back of your neck, your shoulders.  He eased your arms and legs out from under you until you were lying on your belly, then he maneuvered you onto your back.  Exactly where he wanted you.

“Don’t you want to take me from behind?” you said with a pout as he settled over you.  “We can, you know.”

“I know,” he said, and he silenced any further discussion by kissing you deeply and stilling your tongue with his own.  Something had shifted in him years ago, and he knew without a doubt it was because of his time working Special Victims, first in Brooklyn and then in Manhattan.  He knew, logically, that there were miles between the cases he prosecuted and the sex he had with you.  Still, images from cases rose in his mind’s eye too often.  The bruises on Jocelyn Paley’s neck from when she was raped from behind.  The bloodshot eyes from a choking victim.  The bruising, tearing – the violence done during sex.

It’s why he was so cautious in bed.  Why he always asked and still didn’t quite trust; why he preferred face-to-face sex, so that he could watch your face for any sign of discomfort or reluctance.  He saw the damage that men could do, and he never wanted to hurt you.

He didn’t tell you that, though.  He tried to distract you in bed with kisses, with generous oral encounters, with plenty of foreplay.  But you were a historian by trade, which wasn’t too far from being a detective, he found.  Over the past few months, you started to put together that something was off.

“Don’t you want to?” you asked, and he mumbled something nonsensical about tweaking his back while dancing.  He winced inwardly at the lie.  Just another way to illustrate that he was older, with less stamina than you.

“Allow me,” you said, clucking at his non-existent injury.  You rose up and pushed him onto his back, and you straddled him carefully.  This was better, and Rafael breathed a sigh of relief.  

Then you took his hand in yours and placed it on the back of your head.

Confused, he ran his fingers through your hair, scratching your head lightly.  You liked having your head scratched, but usually when you were stressed from work or before you fell asleep.  It was a comforting gesture, not an especially sexy one, but he did it anyway.

It didn’t seem to be what you wanted.  You pushed your head back against his hand, but when he finger-combed out your hair, you gave a frustrated huff.  

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and he pulled his hand away and rested it on your waist.

You didn’t answer right away, and your cheeks pinked as you bit your lip.  You rarely spoke up in bed, and Rafael prided himself that it was because he did everything perfectly.  

You spoke up now, though, and proved him wrong.

“You could be…maybe, if you wanted…a little more, uh, forceful,” you finally stammered out.

Rafael pushed the sick feeling in his stomach aside.  “Forceful how, exactly?”

Your blush deepened.  “I don’t know.  Maybe just a little more rough?  You could maybe spank me?”

Spank you.  The image of a sex worker rose up in his mind, a case from a few years back, where a john had hit her so hard that it broke the skin of her buttocks, left deep contusions that wept blood.  

“I’m not comfortable hitting you,” Rafael finally said.

“No, not hitting me,” you corrected.  “Just, maybe a light swat or two?”  When he didn’t reply, you added, “or you could pull my hair?”

Great, pulling your hair.  A litany of cases marched through his memory, where women with had been raped, their hair pulled out in hanks by their roots until they had bald patches.  Rafael realized with a sinking heart that his stellar performance in bed might have been largely in his own mind.  How long had you been wanting something more than he was giving you?  He fell into a spiral of self-doubt, tracing back all the times with you in bed.  His erection deflated underneath you, and he was sure you felt it.  With gentle hands, he pushed you off of him.

“Raf…” you started, but he swung his legs to the floor and stood up.  He grabbed his sleepwear and went into the bathroom, and he closed the door on you with a gentle click.

You knocked lightly against the door, but he only told you that he’d be out in a minute.  His head was churning with a million thoughts:  you weren’t happy with him, he was boring, he was too damaged by his job to give you the things you needed in bed.  You were younger, had more stamina, would only leave him eventually.

Eventually, he settled on annoyance – why didn’t you say anything before?  Why did you wait until you were in bed with him to say something?  He brushed his teeth and returned to the bedroom.  You had put your own pajamas on, and you looked at him uncertainly.

“Are you mad at me?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He didn’t answer you directly.  Instead, he said, “how long have you been unhappy?”  The surprise on your face was apparent.

“I’m not unhappy!” you protested.  “Not in the least!”

Rafael felt the anger building in him, though afterwards, he’d realize that it wasn’t anger but fear – fear of you leaving him.  “So you just now suddenly want something different when we have sex?”

You shook your head.  “No, I just thought – “

“So you have been unhappy for a while.”

You shook your head again, and he could see the tears forming in your eyes.  If he had thought the evening was going to go one way, it had veered far off course now.  “I’m not unhappy at all, Raf.  I just thought we could try something different – “

“You’re bored with me?”

“Raf, please.  Can’t you listen to me?  I just – “

He reached out and grabbed his pillow, and he turned to leave.  He paused in the doorway long enough to tell you that he was sleeping on the couch and that he didn’t want to discuss it any further.

“We haven’t discussed it at all!” you called after him, but he ignored it.  He punched the pillow into shape and lay down with an irritated huff on the couch, and he tried to ignore the quiet sniffles coming from the bedroom.  He heard you moving around then, and he tried to ignore that too.

He couldn’t ignore it when you came out a half-hour later.  Your eyes were still wet with tears, and you were dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

“I’m going to my apartment,” you said, and you couldn’t quite meet his eyes.  

He sat up and gazed at you.  The night had fallen apart on him, and the last thing he wanted was you leaving.  He said as much, but you only pulled on your jacket and grabbed your purse.

“I’m sorry, Rafael,” you said softly.  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”  And then you pulled open his door and were gone.

-----

Rafael wasn’t sure how to fix it.  The problem was with him, not you, and he knew it.  

He could get a therapist and work up to discussing it, but he didn’t have the time to waste.  You stayed away for a week already, and he didn’t want to lose you.

So no therapist.  The best he could do was talk to Liv, in the vaguest possible terms to keep his personal life safely sequestered from his professional one.  He took her out to dinner one night under the pretense of a working dinner, and he broached the topic halfway through their entrees.

“Do you ever find that this job interferes with relationships?” he asked as nonchalantly as possible.

Liv nodded and sipped her wine.  “The constant hours, the long nights and weekends.  It’s hard to build a life with someone when you’re never around.”

He nodded along and took a bite of his steak.  A comfortable silence fell over them, and they ate without speaking for a moment.  Then he asked, “what about working with Special Victims?”

Liv tilted her head.  “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, kept his voice even and light.  “Well, I have a friend who prosecutes financial crimes.  He’s done it so long that he judges people’s financial solvency by how well they tip and if they have nicer cars than their jobs can support.  He sees everything through the lens of money.  The crimes we deal with…does it ever get in your head?”

Goddamned Liv, able to see to the heart of a problem.  “Are you asking if the sex crimes we investigate bleed into our sex lives?”

He didn’t answer, and she continued, only seeing half the problem after all.  She told him about profiling men during first dates, profiling them on the merits of their pick-up lines.  

“It’s easier not to date most times,” she concluded.

“That’s a lonely life,” he conceded.  “Especially considering the work we do.  We need a support network more than most.”

She nodded at that, but then changed the conversation to the latest gossip out of 1PP, and Rafael knew he’d have to figure it out himself.

-----

He figured it out the way he did anything else:  he laid out the problem and possible solutions.

The biggest problem?  He didn’t want to lose you.  He loved you deeply, and he could see a future life with you, growing old with you.

Other problems?  He was uncomfortable in bed.  Sure, he’d love to claim you a dozen other ways other than the sedate few positions he utilized, but he was mortally afraid of hurting you.  He always asked if you were okay, if you needed to stop, if you were comfortable, but he never truly believed it….

That was it, he realized.  It hit him like a heavy weight, the sudden realization.  Despite all the communication in bed, it was one-sided.  He didn’t trust you to be honest in bed, he expected you to just go along with what he wanted because deep down, that’s the truth he absorbed from years of working in the Sex Crimes Bureau.  Women went along to avoid being hurt.

And the one time you had tried to voice your desires?  He had turned out exactly as he had dreaded – he had ignored you, and punished you, and you had left that night.  Aside from a few texts and a single call, he hadn’t seen you or talked to you since.

*****

You were buried in your research when your phone went off.  You glanced at it, and your heart leapt in your throat.  It was Rafael.

Part of you wanted to let it go to voicemail, but you missed him terribly.  You answered it.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

A pause.  “How are you doing?”

How to answer?  You were doing awfully.  You missed him, were angry at him, were angry at yourself.  You should have never said anything, but he should have never reacted so childishly.  “I’m okay,” you finally answered.

You could sense him hesitating over the line, and you knew what was coming.  You cut through the silence and just said it.  

“Just break up with me and get it over with,” you said.  You’d been through it enough times before:  men who got tired of you, men who found better women elsewhere.  You could sense it; Rafael was too polite to ghost you, but you’d barely heard from him all week.  No sense in drawing it out.

Rafael, though, immediately protested.  “I don’t want to break up with you at all,” he said.  “I called to see if you were busy.  I wanted to see if you could come over and talk.”

You didn’t quite believe him.  “If by ‘talk,’ you mean ‘ break up,’ just do it over the phone.”

You heard him take a deep breath.  “By ‘talk,’ I mean ‘apologize,’” he said.  “I really just want to talk through the past week and last weekend.”

You took your own steadying breath.  “I’m already in my pajamas, Rafael – “

“I’ll come to you,” he interrupted.  A pause.  “I miss you.  I should have called sooner.”

Yes, he should have.  But you could have called him too, so the near-radio silence wasn’t entirely his fault.  

“Okay,” you finally agreed, and he promised to be there as quickly as he could.

-----

He got there forty minutes later, and when you saw that he’d packed an overnight bag, you felt a little of the tension drain away from you.  If he was planning on spending the night, he probably wasn’t going to break up with you.

The man looked exhausted – more than usual.  He hesitated in your doorway, and you couldn’t stop your feet from carrying you over to him.  You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tight.  He hugged you back and sighed against you, and you could feel that he had missed you too.

“I’m sorry about last weekend,” he murmured against your head.  “I ruined your celebration.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied.  “I shouldn’t have said anything – “

He cut you off by pulling away and gazing at you.  “No.  I want you to speak up if you want something.”

You only shook your head.  “No, it’s fine.  I’m happy with you, Raf – “

Rafael placed his finger on your lips, hushing you.  “I know.  I’d like to talk with you, though.”

You let him lead you to your couch, and you sat side by side.  He turned to face you, and you could see from his expression that he was weighing his words.

“I don’t tell you much about my job,” he started.  “I like that you aren’t in that part of my life.  I like that you – our relationship – is separate from all of that.”

You nodded at him encouragingly, and you reached out and took his hand in yours.

“The problem,” he continued, “is that there’s a lot of darkness in my job.  I see terrible things every day.”

“You can always talk to me about it,” you interjected.

He squeezed your hand.  “I know.  I don’t want to, though.  I don’t want to come home to you and trade stories about our days.  You, telling me about how you finished another chapter on your Franklin Pierce biography.  Me, telling you about the violent child molester who worked his way through a middle school.”

“You shouldn’t keep it all inside.”

He nodded at you.  “I realize that I’m probably too vanilla for you in bed, and I thought it over during the past week.  My job….” He trailed off, and you reached out with your other hand and rubbed his arm comfortingly.  “My job gets into my head.  I have a hard time separating the cases I prosecute….and us.”

You gave him a sad smile.  “Raf, you aren’t a violent rapist or a child molester.  I shouldn’t have to tell you that.”

“It’s not that,” he said with a shake of his head.  “I worry that I’ll hurt you.  I worry about it even with what we already do in bed, let alone rougher stuff.”

That made you laugh, and you scooted closer to him on the couch.  “I’m not asking for whips and nipple clamps, you know.”

Unbelievably, he blushed a little at that.  

“It’s just that, sometimes, a little….force….is sexy,” you said, trying to pick your words carefully.  You hadn’t realized how twisted he was about his job, so you veered away from the words you wanted to use.  You couldn’t say that you wanted to be possessed.  He’s probably assume you meant being locked in a sex torture dungeon or walked down Park Avenue in a dog collar and leash.

“Force is exactly the problem I face every day.”

You sighed.  “Okay, but force isn’t a black and white action, right?  There’s a spectrum.  At one end, sure, violent rape.  At the other end, there’s…insistent kissing.”

His mouth quirked into a smile.  “Insistent kissing?”

“Sure.”  You leaned in and pressed an innocent kiss to his lips, and then you broke away to continue.  “That was a regular kiss.  Nice enough.  It can lead to other things.  And then the insistent kiss, the one with force….”

At this, you rose over him, and in one smooth movement, you straddled him and grasped his face between both of your hands.  There was a split-second before you kissed him, and you saw the surprise in his eyes.

“Is this okay?” you murmured, only a fraction of space between your face and his, and he breathed out yes.  You closed the gap and kissed him, well, forcefully.  You held his head fast, tilting it so that you could deepen the kiss as you claimed his mouth with yours.  You slid one hand to the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his short hair but tugging on it lightly.  When he groaned against your mouth, you broke away and gazed down at him.  

“That was an insistent kiss,” you informed him.  “And a little hair pulling, as a treat.”

He smiled up at you.  “Not bad at all.”  His voice was a little rough around the edges.

“No, not bad.  There’s something about being claimed, you know?  That I’m so irresistible that you just have to have me.”  You paused and added, “Consensually, of course.”

He looked at you so long, with such an inscrutable look on his face, that you nearly gave up and climbed off of his lap.  Finally, he replied, “I do like when we go out dancing and you pounce on me afterwards.”

You nodded.  “Because you’re so irresistible that I just have to have you.”  You leaned forward and kissed him again, this time halfway between the chaste kiss and the forceful one.  You felt him lay his hands on your waist, pull you closer to him.  The night could easily get away from the two of you, and this was the first fight and first make-up you’d ever had with him.  You wanted to truly resolve it, so you broke the kiss and held his face again, gently.

“Rafael, I trust you.  In general, and in bed, okay?  So I need you to trust me.  We can be more…adventurous, and I need you to trust that I’ll speak up if I’m uncomfortable.  You can loosen the reins a little bit.  You can talk dirty or try other positions or anything.  I’ll speak up if I’m not into it.  I promise.”

He nodded at you.  “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you last weekend.  I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

“But that’s the other thing.  We have to talk about our issues.  We have to maybe be a little uncomfortable when we talk so that we make sure we understand each other.”  You paused and gazed into his bright green eyes.  “And you can talk to me about your work, you know.  That seems to be the root of all of this.”

Rafael nodded again.  “I agree.  And about my work - I do like having you separate from that.  We can ease into that, maybe.”

“Deal.”

“And I want to be more…adventurous in bed.  But can we ease into that too?  Because I missed you all week, and all I want to do is carry you into your room and show you the most vanilla sexual encounter of your life.”

You threw your head back and laughed at that, and Rafael chuckled along with you.  So he was joking about himself – a good sign.  It felt like you were both on the other side of the argument, and you felt better about your relationship with him than ever.

“You aren’t vanilla,” you protested playfully as you clambered off of his lap and tugged him to feet.  “Or at least, that tongue of yours isn’t.”

You led him to your bedroom, and it was much the same as it always was:  he asked for consent every step of the way, and by the time you were both finished, you had that content, sleepy feeling you always did after you made love.  And because you’d spent the week apart, he held you a little tighter as you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

*****

Rafael felt lighter than he had in a while, beyond even his relationship with you.  With past girlfriends, resentments usually just seemed to build up until the relationship either blew up or died out.  You though?  He’d been able to sit and talk with you, and he felt that you were both stronger for it.  His issue was out in the open, and suddenly it seemed less heavy.

He met you early for coffee one morning – the best he could do with his heavy caseload during the week. He’d take as many loose minutes with you as he could get, like coins in his pocket that he could spend later when he was missing you and his job was wearing on him.

You sipped your usual white peony tea, laced with honey, and Rafael looked you over.  It was Tuesday, your full course-load day, so you were dressed in your professor-wear:  tailored pants and a cashmere sweater, Oxfords, hair in a low ponytail.  He knew that in your satchel you had your horn-rimmed glasses, ridiculously old-fashioned and utterly charming when you wore them.  It was like you had a template for “history professor” and you dressed up to it.  It made him smile.

“What’s so funny, counselor?” you asked over the rim of your mug, and he only shook his head and didn’t answer.

Instead, he asked if he could take you out to celebrate your publication.  A do-over from his terrible screw-up a few weekends ago.

“It wasn’t a terrible screw-up,” you scoffed as you nudged him.  “We got past it.”

“I still want to celebrate your essay,” he said.  “You worked so hard on it.”

You agreed to go out on Saturday night, and Rafael checked his watch and muttered a curse under his breath.

“I have to go,” he said, and he brushed a kiss against your cheek as he started to rise from his seat.  He paused.  “Oh, and since we’re celebrating, be sure to wear your special celebration lingerie.”  He pulled on his coat and caught your scandalized look, so he leaned down and kissed you again.

-----

Rafael took you to dinner and dancing again, and as he spun you around the dance floor in the darkness of the club, he took your earlier advice from your talk.  He loosened the reins a little.

He kept himself in line on the ride home, a perfect gentleman who only grasped your hand in the taxi and on the elevator ride up to his apartment.  Once inside, he locked the door then took your coat, shed his own, hung them up.  You were talking about the evening, how much fun you had, so he had to cut you off mid-sentence with one of those insistent kisses you had told him about.

Rafael reached out with one arm and wrapped it around your waist, and he pulled you to him in one strong motion.  He wound his other hand through your hair, tugged the tie that held it back until it fell down past your shoulders.  He ran his fingers through your hair and cupped your head.  Then he kissed you.  Without, technically, asking you if it was okay first.

Judging from the little mewl of pleasure you gave as you arched your body into his, it was okay with you.  He may be kissing you more forcefully than before, but you kissed him back just as hard, and Rafael got swept up into the moment.  For once, he didn’t think too much.  He didn’t worry about every single movement he made against you.  He just allowed himself to feel, and to listen to the signs you gave him about what you were feeling too.

He remembered your earlier request.  He shifted his hand and gathered your loose hair into his fist, and he tugged it.  Gently.  You still gasped against his mouth, and he broke the kiss to look at you.

“Was that too much?” he asked worriedly, but your eyes were practically black from your wide pupils.  Your lips were parted as you breathed heavily, and you shook your head against his grasping hand.  Your own hands were on him – tugging at the buttons of his shirt – and Rafael could feel the lust radiating off of you like heat.

It was unlike anything he’d ever felt from you before.  You always were more than happy to climb into bed with him, but you always let him take the lead…and since he led so sedately, you followed the same.

Now, with just the barest bit of forcefulness from him, you seemed to be moments away from knocking him to the floor and mounting him in his entryway.  There was only one thing he could do, so he did it:  he scooped you into his arms and carried you into his bedroom as fast as his legs would move.  

He sat you down gently so that you stood in front of him, and he removed your clothes and his own one piece at a time.  Your wrap dress – he untied the fabric tie like he was unwrapping a Christmas gift.  His button-down shirt and undershirt.  Your bra, after he took a long moment to admire the artistry of your breasts clad in semi-sheer lace and satin straps.  His pants and underwear, your panties.  You never took your eyes off of him, and Rafael was in awe of the desire he saw in your face.  It mirrored the desire he felt for you.

He only felt one moment of hesitation, so he reached out and cupped your chin, tilted your face to focus on him.  

“Please promise that you’ll tell me if you’re uncomfortable,” he pleaded.  “I’ll stop the second you tell me to.”

Your eyes softened at his tone.  “I promise.”

Rafael took a deep breath through his nose.  He trusted you.  He had to let that trust extend into the bedroom.  

“Good,” he finally said, and his voice was no longer pleading.  He turned you around so that your back was to his chest, and he gave you a swat on your ass.  A light one, not even hard enough to leave a red mark.  You still jumped at the sudden contact, and you laughed lightly at him.

“Get on the bed,” he ordered.  He remembered your words from your conversation, and he added, “because you’re irresistible, and I have to have you.”

“Yes, sir,” you replied, playing along, and you stretched out on his bed, your naked body stark against his comforter.  You looked like a piece of art, and he almost crawled on top of you.  He truly loved nothing more than the closeness of his body against yours, every inch of his bare skin against yours, gazing into your eyes as you came against him, the little huffing laugh you always gave after he came and collapsed onto you.  

There was plenty of opportunities for that.  Tonight, though….

He shook his head at you sternly.  “No, not like that,” he said.  “Get on all fours.”

The way you bit your lip before you shot him a sultry smile?  It was worth it.  You shifted on the bed until you were kneeling with your back to him, and then you smiled over your shoulder at him again.  Rafael stepped to the edge of the bed and climbed on behind you, then – gently, carefully – he laid a hand between your shoulder blades and pushed you down onto your forearms.

If your face during sex was the best sight, then the one before him now was a close second.  He could feel the anticipation coming off of you in waves as he inched closer to you and laid his hands on your hips.  Still, he took a moment to enjoy the sight of you in such a submissive position in front of him.  A trusting position, he realized.  

He moved one hand to your folds, running a single finger along your seam.  You were already so wet – from the dancing, from him pulling your hair – that he was able to ease his index finger in with no resistance.  You gave a low moan, and he added a second finger, teasing you, stretching you out gently.  

“Raf, please,” you panted, and he replied by slowing the pace of his plunging fingers, then removing them altogether.  He licked them clean, obscenely loud so that you could hear him, and it drew another moan from you.

He put his hands on your hips and drew you to him, pulling you onto his aching erection slowly.  It was a new sight, his cock splitting you open, sliding into your glistening sex, and he had to fight to keep his control.  A fraction at a time, and the smooth muscles of your back flexed as you moved against him.  When his length was buried in you, you released a breath you’d been holding.  You muttered ‘fuck’ so thickly he barely made it out, but you pressed back against him, wanting more of him.

It was a master class is control.  Rafael breathed carefully, kept his gaze on the back of your head.  He didn’t want to finish too soon, so he kept his thrusts slow and deep.  Every time he seated himself into you, you gave a ragged moan, and he could feel you clenching him as your orgasm approached.  Rafael reached a hand around you until he found your sensitive pearl, and he rubbed gentle circles against you.  

His control started to unravel, and you pushed back against him harder and shifted his careful pace into something more punishing.  He gripped the swells of your hips, pushing forward against you as you pushed back against him, feeling his own orgasm charging at him.  You were close, he could tell – you were chanting his name in a way you never had before, and your core was gripping him in that tell-tale way.

“Come with me,” he ordered in a low growl, and you did a moment later.  Your sheath clenched his cock so hard that he could barely thrust into you, and your back arched as you cried out something between an actual word and a pure gibberish.  It was enough to push Rafael over the edge – the grasping wet heat of you, your legs trembling under you.  He gave one final, deep thrust and came deep inside of you.

There was only a scant moment before your arms and legs gave out, and Rafael laid down on top of you, still joined together.  He pressed a firm kiss to the smooth skin of your shoulder and waited for his racing heart to slow down.  

You each caught your breaths (you still gave that huffing little laugh, he found, even when you were facing away from him), and when he was recovered enough, he pulled his softening cock from you.  Even in the low light of the bedroom, he could see his release trickle out of you, and the sight was nearly enough to revive him only minutes after coming.

Instead, he turned down the bed after you went to clean up in the bathroom.  When you returned, you scooped up his discarded undershirt from the floor and pulled it on.  He offered you a clean shirt from his dresser, but you gave him a smile and said you liked the way his worn ones smelled.

You climbed into bed beside him.  Maybe you realized how much he loved face-to-face time with you, because you settled onto him and kissed him lazily, pressing your lips all over his face and neck and throat.  It wasn’t explicitly sexy – it was intimate, and a perfect ending to a perfect evening.

Still, as Rafael started to drowse off to sleep, the old doubting crept into his mind.

“Was that okay?” he asked.  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You murmured that it was wonderful, and that he didn’t hurt you, and that you trusted him the entire time and hadn’t been disappointed at all.  You gazed into his eyes for a moment, then kissed him on his mouth.  When you pulled away, you gave him a soft smile and added, “you’re pretty nearly perfect, Rafael Barba.”

He felt his throat tighten at the unexpected praise, but he tried to play it off.  He gave you a mock-scowl.  “Only nearly?”

You pinched him lightly on his cheek, then shifted off of him to lie down beside him.  “We’ll keep working on it.  You’ll get there.”

Rafael snorted but didn’t reply.  Your head was on his chest, and it was already getting heavy in that way that signaled you were close to falling asleep.  He was a little further away from sleep than you, but he felt utterly content.  Happy, even.  A rare feeling in his past relationships, but it was common with you.

And now that your first fight was over and behind you, and you were building trust in the bedroom, he knew it could only get better from there.  Nearly perfect, but you’d keep working on it.  You’d get there, together.

[lxstfulbeans]

*Busts in with a plastic bag of crack* You want some crack, kids? I’ll give it to ya! 🥸 So Y/N forgot where she placed her phone at and her crush decides to call her phone to help hear the ringtone so she can find it better. However, Y/N forgot that she uses funny ass ringtones for said crush and even has funny contact pics/names for them in her phone. Said songs are “Something about you girl” by Ice JJ Fish, “Wap” but with Carl Wheezer’s voice, “Interior Crocodile Alligator”, and the NFL theme song. I would love to see head cannons of this for Hawks, Dabi, Aizawa and Bakugo.

“Something about you girl” - Hawks. He’s saved as “KFC” and his contact pic is of him making the light skin face that sent y/n to orbit (he thought she deleted it cuz it’s cringy)

“Wap” - Dabi. He’s saved as “Patchy the Pirate” and his pic is a blurred image of him chasing Y/N.

“Interior crocodile alligator” - Aizawa. He’s saved as “Dad of 20” and his pic is of him laying face first in his sleeping bag

“NFL Theme song” - Bakugo. He’s “Boom Boom Pomeranian” and his pic is of a Pomeranian with his hair photoshopped on it.

I know they’ll give some funny reactions! They’ll look at sis confused and she’ll just go “See about that...” and book it when she takes her phone. This idea had me busting my pancreas 💀💀💀

Bruh I- 💀 I’m literally hearin these damn audios as I’m reading this ask, I’m rolling. This is the best 😂

— 3. 2. 1. ACTION!! —

HEADCANON: Y/N loses her phone and forgets that she saved crack-fuelled pictures and ringtones assigned to her crush.

KEIGO TAKAMI [HAWKS]:

You were losing your fucking mind at this point.

Where the fuck could you have misplaced your cellphone?? You had to meet your homegirls at the club for girls night, PRONTO!!

Keigo raised a brow as he walked in on you basically tearing apart your living room for your phone, almost crying from frustration. “Whoa, kid. Ya lose something?” He had the nerve to ask when it was clearly the case.

Sure, there was a whole lotta things to love about this bird-man, but that smartass attitude was gonna get slapped outta him.

“dId yOu lOsE sOmeThInG- YES FOOL MY DAYUM PHONE!!” You huff, throwing another couch cushion on the floor before you fell to the floor in exhaustion. “I got to meet the girls for girls night in twenty minutes, and I can’t find my phone!” You briefly explain.

You heard him chuckle, pulling out his own phone. “Okay, okay, calm down, kid. It ain’t the end of the world, y’know. I’ll just call it and we’ll listen out for the ringtone.” He says, scrolling for a bit before finding your contact, pressing the call button and..

That’s when y’all heard it.

“THERE’S SOMETHIN’ ABOUTCHA GURLL! THAT JUST MAKES MY HEAD WANNA TWIRL!!”

Your ringtone went off under the couch, making Keigo look at you with the most confused face ever, his wings puffing up as he looked at you, yet you couldn’t stop laughing as he used one of his feathers to drag the phone from under the couch.

“What the hell, kid?? I though you deleted this cringey ass selfie!” He whined, looking at the contact photo of him making that dumbass lightskin face that had you howling the other day. “And what the hell is this ringtone?? AND YOU SAVED ME AS KFC??”

“BRUH I CAN’T BREATHE SHUT UPP—“ You screech as you curl up, tears pricking your eyes as you roll on the floor. Keigo couldn’t help but snicker, rolling his eyes at you as he got you off the floor, “Okay, you got some explaining to do.”

“Well, you see, what had happened was-“ You begin, trying to hold back your laughter before snatching your phone and purse, running out of the door. “I’ll see you later, KFC!! I’m running late!”

DABI:

“Aw, damn! Where in the entire hell did I put my phone??” You groaned.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time you lost your phone and you swore it would’ve been the last. But, you were so caught up on multitasking with so much shit you wanted to get out of the way, you completely forgot about your phone.

You sighed as you now have to tear apart the lounge that you JUST straightened up, making this much worse than it had to be.

“Hey, little mouse. What’s with all the whining and hollering for?”

“I can’t find my phone, I’ve been all up in y’all raggedy-ass lair lookin’ for my shit so I can bounce!” You say with an eye roll as you placed your hands on your hips, clearly not in the mood for the bullshit right now.

“Okay, calm down. It’s just a phone, I can just call it and you can listen out for the ringtone.” He said with a sigh as he brought out his phone, dialing your number and waiting for the tone to play. The two of you went from room to room, getting more anxious everytime the phone went to voicemail. You were visibly going to cry, there was no way that you could’ve left your phone anywhere that WASN’T in the LOV Lair.

“I swear, if you start crying, I won’t let you live it down.” You hear Dabi mumble to you as you both entered the last room, dialing your number one last time until...

“NYEOW FROM THE TOP, MAKE IT DROP, THAT’S A WHAP. BRING A BUCKET AND A MOP, THAT’S WHAP”

Your phone was jamming out on a chair, Dabi looking at you like you just committed a grave sin while the ringtone played. The longer he stared at you, wanting an explanation, you can’t help but burst into laughter as you crawl to your phone, and let the tone finish.

You just hoped that your crush was still going to hang out with you after this crackhead mishap.

“MACARONI IN A POT, THAT’S A WHAP. JIMMYY”

Dabi was literally at a loss for words, (lookin’ a lil like confused bakugou rn 👀) as you wheezed in laughter. “[Y/N]... what in the fuck was that?” He asked, you can tell he was serious from how low and menacing your name was said. You were either about to run for your life or die laughing.

“And why the fuck is my name, “Patchy The Pirate”? And what the hell is this photo?” He asked again. Man, was it getting hot in there or was it just you?

“Well, you see here, uh- MOINK!” You shout, howling in laughter as you were chased around the building. Kurogiri shaking his head in disappointment.

SHŌTA AIZAWA (DADDY. ERASERHEAD):

“Oh no.”

“Oh, no...”

“Oh, no no no no no..”

This cannot be happening, this CANNOT be happening right now. Lord have mercy, please let today not be the day.

“Goddamn it, where’s my phone?!”

Yep, your phone. Your new phone that Shōta got for your birthday, who you also had a huge crush on but would never tell that to ANYONE. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t lose this phone, it was definitely the most precious thing ever.

“Fuuuuck!” You whined, already on the verge of panicking while your tore apart your room for that birthday gift. “Hey, what’s all this racket for? I’m trying to sleep.” said your friend, roommate, and crush, Shōta.

“I-I’m just lookin’ for somethin’, Shō! Sorry for all this noise..” you mumbled an apology as you continued your search, swinging your arm around underneath the bed.

“You lost your phone, didn’t you, [Y/N]?”

DAMN, he catches on quick for somebody who sleeps 25/8. Maybe it’s because you don’t really have trouble looking for stuff unless it’s something really important to you.

You sighed, the embarrassment and disappointment washing over you as you laid in defeat on the floor. “Yeah.. I can’t find it..” you mumbled.

The older man sighed, cracking his neck as he got out his phone. “Okay, just calm down. I’ll call it and we’ll just listen out for your ringtone, okay? If we can’t hear it, we’ll track it.”

God, why was he so hot when he took responsibility? You couldn’t help but sit up and nod at his words as he scrolled through his contacts until he found your name, confirming the call until..

“INTERIOR CROCODILE ALLIGATOR. I DRIVE A CHEVROLET MOVIE THEATER.”

Your phone blasted the same line over and over, as hard as you tried to contain it, you couldn’t help but screech in laughter when you looked up to see Shōta’s disturbed, confused, and concerned face as he picked up your phone from underneath your dresser.

“”Dad of 20”?? What the hell type of name is that?” He asked, the iconic sleeping bag worm as his contact photo. The joke behind it was the fact that he was a whole teacher at U.A. You always thought it was cute that he was basically a father figure to those future heroes.

Plus, you wouldn’t stop joking about them being his, “lil chilrens”.

“Aight, aight. I wanna thank you for finding my phone, I promise not to lose it again!” You quickly say, trying to creep out of the room until you were confined with his capture weapon.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

Fuck..

KATSUKI BAKUGOU:

“Hey, dumbass! Hurry up, or we’ll miss the movie!”

Damn, damn, damn!! You can’t believe you just lost your phone right now, you could’ve sworn you left it on your bed before you started fixing your hair in the bathroom.

“Shit, shit! Bakugou, can you help me find my phone real quick? Pretty please?” You call out to him, really anxious because you were really looking forward to this movie and you could not miss a second of it!

“Ugh, are you serious?? What did I tell you about keeping up with your shit!” He groaned, getting out his phone as he dialed your number and listened to the trill.

“I know, I know! I promise I’ll be more careful!” You say as you listened out for it, only to pull aside your blankets to see your vibrating phone with the ringtone on blast.

Oh yes, the NFL Theme. What made you lose your shit was Bakugou’s flabbergasted facial expression as he looked down at your contact photo and nickname for him.

You couldn’t help but cackle as you saw a vein pop out, popping hands reaching out for you. “Hey! What the fuck is this shit?? Imma show you a pomeranian!” He shouted.

“Katsu! Katsu! Relaaaxx!! You know you’re my bestie and I love you, but we got a movie to catch so let’s do this later fam.” You snicker, trying to calm yourself down as you yoinked your phone and took off out the door with your purse.

“OH, JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET BACK HOME!”

— END SCENE —

Sorry that Bakugou’s was kinda short! But, hope you enjoyed these!

[clefairymuke]

regrets | chapter eleven

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 1913

Ten feet. That's how far you had walked today without stopping to rest. Hange was practically jumping up and down, and Jean hugged you more tightly than he ever had before. For the first time in weeks, you started to feel a little less helpless. On the way back to the infirmary room, you held on to Jean's arm and limped back rather than being carried. It made you feel strong. Today was a happy day, which you had decided for yourself when you woke up, warm and cozy as you could possibly be under the thin white blanket that adorned the soft mattress. You felt refreshed; ready to work on your leg that morning, ready to see Jean, ready to make more progress. In the furthest part of your brain, you were also ready to see Levi that night. He was gone already when you woke up, like every other day, but that had never bothered you. The thought of good-morning small talk with Levi was awkward at best.

Now, you sat across from Jean with a hand of cards. You thumbed through them for what felt like the tenth time as Jean took his sweet time on his turn. He finally laid down a card, only for you to play one of the moves you'd thought out over the last five minutes as soon as he did. As the cycle started again, you found yourself looking out the window. The sun was almost ready to begin sinking, the blue of the sky becoming duller by the minute. You greedily awaited the purples and pinks that meant teatime. Throughout the day, the quietly nagging piece of your mind that wanted to see Levi grew bigger and bigger, until you finally had to admit to yourself that you were excited for it. You decided it was half because the tea was good, partially because he was good company, and a little bit because your hand still tingled when you thought of him.

Jean's turns got painstakingly longer as the game went on, so much so that you thought he was doing it deliberately. Your impatience grew as the sky turned orange, and Jean put the cards away. When he left, the sun touched the horizon.

The brevity of your alone time was unexpected yet welcome; the thoughts that possessed your brain while you sat in that room were hardly ever pleasant. You decided you were grateful that you didn't have your own bedroom -- the presence of company had become necessary in recent weeks. In that brief alone time, however, your mind did not hesitate to race. You recounted the events of the day before: Eren's anger, Levi's affection. For someone confined to a room, the past few weeks had surely been interesting.

You wondered about how it felt when he had touched you; you had many theories, but the leading one was that Levi put some sort of numbing solution on his hand to mess with you. Sure, it was out of character for him, but it was also out of character for you to do anything but dislike him. That was the theory you intended to stick beside.

Every time you heard the tiniest sound, your eyes shot to the door. Each time, you were met with disappointment. You looked around the room absentmindedly, eyes landing on the table that held only a glass of water. You leaned up as far as you could and grabbed it on two sides, sliding it between the chair and your bed. You felt accomplished when you laid back down, resting your hands on your stomach and focusing your eyes on the ceiling. You tried to push the thoughts of yesterday as far out of your mind as you could, but it was difficult. When the orange of the sky finally moved to pink, the door opened. There was Levi, as always, carrying along his tea set.

"Hey, Levi," you greeted him, a welcoming smile finding its way to the corners of your mouth. He nodded his head back to you as he sat down, his dark hair falling slightly forward as he leaned to pour his tea. For the first time, you studied the man sat in front of you. His lips were formed into a slight frown, more often than not. Though he was looking at his teacup, you knew his grey eyes looked focused, his thin eyebrows perpetually drawn down. You followed the slope of his nose with your eyes. His features were graceful yet sharp, all fitting cleanly together. The ends of his hair fell fell haphazardly along his cheekbones and ears, perhaps the one thing about him that wasn't perfectly neat.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked when he looked up, sending blood rushing to your cheeks.

"I've been looking at this room for three weeks. There's nothing new about it. People look a little bit different every day," you answered him, your face hot. You pulled your eyes away from him in search of literally anything else to look at, finally focusing on your own folded hands.

"You're a pretty good liar, you know."

The two of you sat there chatting for at least an hour before you were interrupted by a knock at the door. Levi looked at you expectantly, and you told them to come in. It was a scout you didn't recognize, relatively tall, with shaggy brown hair that fell across his forehead. He only came in about a foot, then saluted. "Captain, the Commander needs to speak with you. He'd like you to come to his office as soon as possible," he said.

Levi nodded at him in dismissal, and the boy left as quickly as he had arrived. "I shouldn't be long. I'll be back soon," he told you as he stood. He followed the boy out the door and left you to the candlelit room all alone.

---

After two hours, you had long understood that Levi was a good liar, too.

It was now pitch black outside, the candle failing to provide much light. Sleep was fighting you tooth and nail as you shifted around the bed, attempting to find even one comfortable place. Your eyes were begging to shut, but your body wouldn't allow it. You continued like this for another half hour before your mind finally found rest, closer to passing out than comfortably drifting.

When Levi finally returned, the tea was cold. He was quiet as could be, careful not to wake you as he sat in the uncomfortable wooden chair; your position was less than peaceful, he noticed, your body more sprawled out than curled up and your hair in a tangled mess. Your eyebrows were drawn in tightly, your face displaying blatant discomfort. When he looked away, his eyes were pulled right back by a sound escaping your lips. It was soft, yet distressed. He wondered if he should wake you.

You started to toss and turn, your little gasps and groans growing more frequent and closer together. His brow furrowed, and he leaned forward. He tried to make out words, only deciphering the occasional "help" and "mom." Admittedly, it struck his curiosity. He sat and watched you for a moment more before rising from his seat and laying his hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently. "Hey, wake up," he said, trying to sound soft, but really only getting his typical tone across. He called your name, which tasted sweeter than it should have, twice before you finally roused awake.

You sat straight up, practically throwing his hand from your shoulder as you drew in shallow breaths. Your eyes darted around the room, vision a bit blurry, and you jumped when you saw Levi at your side. You were disoriented at best, not taking the time to speak. You noticed the tears brimming in your eyes after a moment, and immediately lifted your hands to wipe them.

"You were having a nightmare, I think. I'm sorry I took so long," Levi finally spoke up, not moving from your immediate bedside.

You cleared your throat, knowing sleep would still be present in your voice, before you replied. You looked over at him, his typical concerned expression more prominent than usual. "It's okay. It isn't your fault," you told him, laying your head in your hands. You felt vulnerable, and you didn't like it. Part of you wished Jean was here to snore loudly while you woke up in tears, not requiring you to interact with anyone.

"Are you okay?" he asked you. You noticed his hand twitch forward and then return to his side -- was he going to reach for you? You found yourself hoping he would.

"I'm . . ." you started, not really knowing how to finish your sentence. You tugged at a tangle in your hair. "Used to it, I guess. Not okay, not terrible. Just indifferent." You figured it summed up your emotions enough. Sleep had started to nag at your eyelids again, likely knowing it would be refreshing rather than restless now that you were no longer alone.

You laid your head back down and looked over at Levi, waiting for him to either reply or sit back down. He did neither; he stood there, studying your face as you had studied his only hours before. He didn't answer until his eyes finally met yours. "Do you need anything? At all?"

The look in his eyes was confusing, one you had never seen before. It was soft, almost endearing. Your voice answered him before your brain permitted it, and you regretted it as soon as it left your lips. "Would you lay with me?" You cursed your mouth and nearly vowed to never open it again. You felt yourself blushing, so much so that you wanted to turn over and bury your face in your pillow to never be seen again.

He wasn't embarrassed, though. His eyes widened a fraction for only a moment before he nodded, then sat on the edge of your bed and unlaced his boots. He pulled them off slowly and set them under the wooden frame, then stood and took off his jacket. He pulled his cravat from his neck swiftly and laid both over the back of the chair. He unbuttoned his shirt quickly, leaving only the gray shirt he wore beneath it. It joined the rest of his clothes on the chair. You moved away from the middle of the bed, allowing him plenty of room.

He didn't use it. He lifted the blanket and climbed in close to you, sliding his arm underneath your shoulders and gently guiding your head to his chest with his hand. Your heart had built up so much pressure you were sure it would explode out of your chest and leave the both of you a bloody mess. You adjusted yourself, shifting to face him and allowing your arm to drape over his stomach. You avoided looking up at him at all costs, but you could feel his eyes burning into the top of your head. This was the strangest, most foreign thing you had ever felt. The most off-center part was that you were entirely comfortable, your body more than relaxed despite your chest's unrelenting tightening.

"I --" you began, unsure of exactly what you were going to say. It didn't matter, because he was quick to interrupt you.

"Hush," he whispered. "Get some sleep."

[aetheternity]

Hard Pass P3 (Levi X Reader)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

Levi was relieved for the silence as he clicked away at his keyboard. Mike had gone to his only late class of the entire week. Which meant Levi could actually study in his room.

The scent of tea and the small aroma diffuser on his desk as well as the open window in front of him welcomed a nice calming smell that was normally masked by Mike's gym bags and sweaty clothes. Which reminded Levi of the laundry he would have to do soon.

He pressed his tea cup to his lips feeling a twinge of irritation as he was interrupted by two knocks on the door. He looked down at the time. 6:15. A little too early for Mike to be back complaining that he'd forgotten his keys.

Then it was probably one of his girls complaining that she'd left her shit in the room. If Levi had a dollar for the amount of times that had happened he could pay for a new roommate.

The next couple knocks were a bit louder. "Levi? It's Y/N.."

Y/N?!

His face practically exploded. He stood far too fast because just as quickly he was flopping over his stupid desk chair and hitting the floor with a hard thud. He gasped audibly tugging at his knee and gritting his teeth.

"Levi? Are you ok?" Came her voice again.

He pulled himself up with a huff and staggered over to the door. Unsurprisingly he had to limp. With a quick turn of the lock he yanked open the door right into his forehead. God fucking dammit.

He groaned in a mix of fury and disgust partially because he'd idiotically stood so close when opening the door and partially because he hated the stupid inanimate object.

"Oh my god! Are you ok?" Y/N gasped, squeezing herself inside and shutting the door behind her. "Let me see? Did you hit your eye?" She asked

Her fingers were so delicate as she brushed aside his hands. So close.. Her thumb traced the already appearing red spot on his forehead. Soo close.. She brushed his hair to the side cupping his cheeks to gently reposition his head towards the light. Close....

She breathed out a little chuckle. "It's probably gonna bruise."

Levi barely registered her words. Occupied with her beautiful eyes illuminating moonlight and the dim lights in his room. His lips parted ever so slightly. When her hands fell away he gulped and jerked his head back. Trying to find literally anything to take the edge off.

"I'll.. go find you an ice pack, ok?" Y/N began already heading for the door.

"K-knee.." Levi tried and mentally cursed himself.

"Huh?" She asked, turning back.

"M-my.. t-two please.."

Her smile was gentle, "Two ice packs. Got it." And with a little wave she was out the door. Her lingering touch still causing heat to pool in Levi's chest.

~~~~

"Aww sweetie, are you sure you're ok?"

He was not. Definitely not. One of her hands was on his uninjured knee and the other was brushing his hair away from the ice pack. He didn't even know if he'd breathed in the last 20 minutes. His brain echoing the word sweetie.

The two of you had been sat on his bed as he uncomfortably laid his head back on the wall. Trying and failing to not fixate on your touch. Every brush of your fingertips was downright intoxicating.

"You look kinda red. Do you wanna try seeing a doctor or something?"

"N-no.." It was barely audible but he knew she heard when she nodded.

If there was a hole nearby he would crawl into it and never come out. Though he also didn't wanna move as the fear of making this situation worse for himself stayed ever present.

"Let me see?" He partially removed the ice pack from his forehead, spine tingling over the way she sucked in a breath. "You should be more careful."

Levi didn't answer. Just squeezed his legs closer together and sighed. In all the time he'd been in this room he'd never hit himself in the face with the door. Just what kind of power did this girl have over him.

"I know because my little cousin has done stuff like this but you should put some cream on the bump so that it doesn't get redder and it'll go down faster."

Little cousin? That wasn't a fair comparison. Little kids do stupid things cause they're kids. Did she think about him that way? Uggghhhh.

He was yanked from his thoughts by her hand coming down to squeeze his. "Are you positive you're ok? Do you need anything else?"

"I-I'm fine.."

Just as Levi said that his attention was brought to the door. Mike had barely stepped into the room and he was already grinning like a fucking idiot.

"Well, hello." He greeted, stepping closer. "Levi, you didn't tell me you were inviting anyone over. Especially not a pretty girl."

Y/N's chuckle was nervous, "Hello, you must be Levi's roommate." She stuck her hand out which Mike immediately took placing one hand on top of their joined hands.

"And you must be Y/N." He said "I've heard so much about you."

His teasing was met with a glare that could slice concrete. If Levi had known Mike was gonna come straight back to the room he definitely would've gotten rid of Y/N sooner.

"Oh? Really?" Y/N turned to look at Levi behind her. "You told him about me?" It was a split second thing but Levi could've sworn her features softened.

"Oh, no I meant Hange." Mike replied

"Oh."

Oh? Was she disappointed? It sounded disappointed? Did she want Levi to talk about her?

"But at no point did Hange tell me you were this pretty. Neither did Levi honestly, I'm kinda disappointed."

Alright that's enough of that. Levi stood. Placing the ice packs on his bed.

"You should probably leave." He gritted his teeth at how harshly it came out.

Now Mike was letting go of Y/N's hand. "Oh wait! I came to get my phone. Hange said you had it."

Levi blinked. He'd almost forgotten about that. It had been sitting on his desk since yesterday. His knee was screeching in absolute horror as he staggered his way over to his desk.

"What the hell happened to you?" Mike asked, clearly trying to hold back a snicker.

"Aw, it was an accident. I scared him."

Levi returned with the phone shooting daggers into Mike who pretended not to notice.

"Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Y-yeah.."

"Did you put your number into it?"

Levi's face perked up a little. "Yes."

"Ok, then I'll text you later." She assured, brushing her finger tips over his forehead once again. "Goodnight boys." And with those last words she took off.

"Faking an injury?! I didn't think you had it in you!" Mike celebrated as soon as she was gone.

"Dickhead." Levi scoffed.

"Hey, is that any way to talk to the best friend who just confirmed your biggest fear moot?" Mike plopped down on his bed with a playful huff.

Levi flopped down into his desk chair, staring up at the ceiling. "One you're definitely not my best friend especially after that shit. And two I'm not you I don't fake shit to get girls."

"That would totally be hurtful if it wasn't true." Mike shrugged "I meant the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Levi practically flipped himself out of his chair. "How do you assume that."

"Simple. Hange told me about her ex boyfriend. By the way it was probably that guy that took her from the library that day. And Hange says that a lot of guys find Y/N attractive. Because of this her ex got too overprotective and they broke up. But he had no reason to be because Y/N would always tell people she had a boyfriend or at least around Hange she did."

Levi stared at his barely drunk tea. The liquid probably cold after being left on the table so long. So she had dated that guy.. He had been so tall and pretty muscular looking, was that her type? She didn't seem like she was going to get back together with him.. but he was still around.

"All I'm saying is she seems loyal. You better snatch her up before someone else does or she gets back together with her ex."

His attention was drawn away by his phone softly buzzing on his table. He pressed the on button, swiping his pin and clicking the notification as it popped up.

Hey Levi, it's Y/N.

Listen ik you said you're ok but I bought you some cream just in case. I'll bring it to you tm ;)

His heart fluttered and ached remembering her touch and her kind words. If he didn't full blown know Mike was staring at him he would probably hug his phone.

~~~~

Too much time had passed and suddenly the whole school was on break. Levi had been dreading this. Not because he was a workaholic like Mike claimed but because he knew Hange was gonna drag him away and make him vacation.

And no form of vacation could possibly be more relaxing for him than curling up in bed with some books, doing some casual cleaning, and drinking tea with light music playing at all times. Mike was definitely going home during this time so it'd be the perfect way to spend his break.

But Hange's family owned a couple lodges and that meant another year of begging for Levi to come ski and freeze his fingers and toes off.

"Come on, Levi!"

"Absolutely not."

"Erwin!" Hange called to him where he sat on Levi's bed, scrolling through his phone.

"You knew he was going to say no." Erwin replied

"Which is why I brought you to help me make my case." Hange complained

"You clearly made an error in judgment then." Erwin retorted

Mike laughed from where he was laying on his own bed. "Might as well give it up Hange, Levi is just too stubborn about this. We all know he wants to be close to all my junk while I'm gone cause he'll miss me."

"I wouldn't hesitate to tell your stalker where you're going over break." Levi spat

"She'll figure it out anyway. She's a high class stalker. And I'm not her first." The room fell in uncomfortable silence but Mike just leaned back giving his full attention to his phone screen.

"That disturbing remark aside.." Erwin began shaking his head. "I'm going."

"And that's supposed to change my mind? How'd Hange force you into it?"

"It may stun you but I chose to go through with this all on my own. There are studies that claim it's good for the mind to get away from normality during breaks or away from your comfort zone to properly clear your mind. It'll also help you make less mistakes when classes resume."

Hange smiled, "Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking."

Levi rolled his eyes. "If I go you can't beg me next year." Hange's loud shrill screeching made Levi's heart drop out of his ass.

"Finally!!" Hange screamed in excitement as she wrapped her arms around Levi's neck.

"Get off already! You're such a pest!"

And that was how Levi ended up on a train for almost three long hours with Hange blabbering on about nothing and Erwin sat in the seat across from the two of them listening to podcasts while staring out the window of his own very sad music video.

And all of the crap Erwin had spewed about getting away being more relaxing proved to be completely from the ass as Levi shivered along wrapped in two scarves, a pair of gloves, his long green coat that fell around his ankles and a winter hat plopped over his ears.

"Walk faster Levi! Is that the best your little legs can do?!" Hange called, somehow racing her way up the slope with three bags. One that wasn't even hers

Levi grunted in irritation. Not only were they walking up a hill but it was covered in snow so deep that every step felt like he was falling.

"Do you need help?" Erwin asked, not waiting for Levi to respond as he hoisted the overnight bag off his shoulders.

Levi just huffed. "I swear Hange was made in a lab."

"As possible as that is, Hange was basically raised in the snow so this is the equivalent of dust for her." Erwin replied as the two of them trudged along.

"Her parents own multiple ski lodges why the hell did we go to the one up a fucking hill."

"The other closest one was more than 6 hours away. Did you really wanna be stuck on a train with Hange for more than 6 hours?"

Levi just groaned as they finally walked through the surprisingly big doors of the huge ski lodge. Hange raced over to the front desk as Erwin slipped onto the lobby couch, followed by Levi who was still kicking snow off his boots and his second bag.

"What's in that bag?" Erwin questioned, nodding to the luggage Levi had yanked over his lap.

He exhaled loudly giving the bag a couple soft pats. "Clothes, extra boots, extra gloves, two bottles of cleaner and a small box of tea as well as some light reading material."

"When are you gonna have time to read? We're going to be skiing most of the time we're here."

"If you think I'm getting on a ski lift you have less working brain cells than Hange."

Erwin smirked with a roll of his eyes, "Alrighty then, what's in this bag."

"All of the shit that didn't fit in this bag, toothpaste, toothbrush, cologne, extra pairs of underwear-"

"Woah, Levi you can't just talk about your underwear in a public space." Erwin chuckled at his own joke.

Levi rolled his eyes, "It's bad for your health to hang around Mike as often as you do."

"How is it you're not dead yet then?" Erwin retorted

Hange had been chatting up the receptionist for almost 15 minutes, bouncing up and down in front of the desk and indulging him in the stories of their travel up here. The man just gave her a sheepish grin and honestly Levi felt a little bad for the man but a little less when he thought about how it wasn't his problem anymore.

Moblit.. his name tag read. Somehow Hange's mannerism seemed more crazed with him if that was even possible.

"Yeah.. it has been so long." He heard the man say. You got.. taller..

"We're never getting out of this lobby are we?" Erwin sighed as the two continued to chatter on. Levi and Erwin stared as Hange continued on about her car with a surprising amount of engagement from the other party. "You know they kind of remind me of you and-"

"Hey, Hange!" Erwin cut himself off as a brown haired girl that Levi instantly recognized hopped down each step, a bald boy following her. And Levi believed he remembered them from Y/N's stories as Connie and Sasha who he remembered from the party.

"Hange, what're you doing here?" He asked as the brown haired girl gave her a hug.

"My family owns the lodge so I brought Erwin and Levi for the break!" Hange said, pulling Connie into side hug that he immediately reciprocated.

"Oh god! Why didn't you tell me your plans for break? Jean would've driven all of us up here and you wouldn't have had to waste gas."

Hange just shook her head. "It's quite alright I was already out of gas so we just took the train up here."

"You didn't put gas in your car again?" Connie asked

"Wait, if you guys came then does that mean Y/N is here?" Hange asked completely dodging Connie's question.

At her name Levi bounced out of his seat. Almost launching himself into the spot next to Erwin. Pulling his hat over his eyes and sliding his back as far into the chair as he could.

"What's up with you?" Erwin questioned

"I embarrassed myself last time I was with Y/N.."

"What? Didn't she buy you cream like a month ago?"

"Y-yeah." Levi shimmied his feet together as he slid further down in his seat.

Erwin's chuckle next to him made him grimace. "I know you don't really get it Levi. But uh, making an ass out of yourself in front of your crush is the first real hurdle to knowing you've got it bad."

"Shut up.."

"It could've been worse.. You could've accidentally injured her. Or got caught by the loud mouth in your class while writing her first name and your last name in a notebook."

"Sounds like a personal story.." Levi replied, inching the hat off his eyes to look up at Erwin.

Erwin scoffed, "Point is it happens." He said with a roll of his eyes.

Levi let out a little snicker that instantly got caught in his throat. It had never occurred to him that he'd actually paid attention to the romance movies he'd seen a hundred times with his mother. But now that Y/N was walking down the stairs it was like a scene from all of those movies combined.

Her smile just as warm as always. Turtleneck sweater hugging her features along with dark blue jeans and brown boots. Each step felt slower than the last as if everything in this particular room had been put on the slowest speed imaginable.

The butterflies in his stomach swarmed like they were all chasing after one specific thing. Everytime she appeared somehow it was different.

"We're still going skiing today right?" Connie questioned as Y/N stopped on the last stair.

"If Jean's up to it sure." She replied, her cheeks flushed like she'd just walked in from outside.

"Well this is gonna be a fun weekend." Erwin said but Levi didn't even register his words. His heart stammering in his chest. "Go make a fool out of yourself." Erwin nudged

"Hey Jean! Come on!" Connie said

"Yeah, Jean I'm hungry!" Called Sasha

Levi's heart stopped, his chest crumbling in on itself. The same guy from before.. just as soon a loud crash sounded and everyone turned all at once.

"Oh god are you ok?!" Y/N was the first person by Hange's side followed by Moblit from behind the counter.

Hange let out a laugh, wincing as she pulled herself up with Moblit and Y'N's help.

"I'll be ok. Just took a little spill." She continued to laugh.

Erwin was soon standing by her side. "Are you sure, you're alright? Your face is super red.."

A momentary lapse in Hange's facial features made Erwin step back a little. "Shut up Erwin." She huffed

"You fell on your side. You should rest a little bit." Moblit said, coming closer. "Just.. in case."

"Ok.." Hange replied

Y/N seemed to relax at this information. Her gaze immediately falling on Levi surprisingly. He really hoped he didn't outwardly wince.

"Hi, Levi." She spoke plainly giving Erwin a small greeting as well before her, Connie, Sasha, and Jean were leaving the lobby.

Hange and Erwin unsurprisingly crowded into Levi's room about five minutes after the whole ordeal. But Levi couldn't even bring himself to wipe one thing down like he'd wanted to. He just laid still on the bed, eyes planted to the ceiling.

Surprisingly Hange had also stayed silent. Her eyes shut where she laid next to Levi.

"I can't believe you broke the handle on my luggage Hange." Erwin called still sat on the floor holding his luggage in one hand and the handle in the other. Pressing the broken part of the handle to his bag as if it'd be that simple to fix.

"Now what am I supposed to do?"

"It broke my fall Erwin. Be grateful."

"For what exactly?"

"I don't know!"

Levi blinked, his gaze falling on Hange for the first time since she took that spill in the lobby. Her hands were crossed over her stomach, thumbs rubbing the spot where she fell.

"Are you alright or not?" Levi questioned

"I'm fine."

"Ok, I know why Levi's upset but why're you?" Erwin chimed up

"What's Levi upset about?"

"What else? Y/N."

"Uggggghhh Levvviiiii why don't you just ask her out already?" Hange said

Levi sat up on the bed pulling his feet into his chest. Shoes long gone, pushed up against the wall as soon as they'd walked into the room.

"I'm not talking about this shit anymore this week."

"Levi, if we're staying here all of this week and next then chances are she's also staying here all week and next. Which means somewhere in here is a perfect opportunity to-"

"Get in her bed." Hange interrupted

"Or something less crass." Erwin suggested "You did pack condoms in your emergency undies bag right?"

"Did you pack a spare handle in yours?"

Hange's obnoxious laughter was almost loud enough to muffle the low knocks on the door. Her irritating jabs to Levi's shoulder quickly halting when Levi grabbed her fingers.

"Who is it?" Erwin asked, one hand on the door.

"It's Y/N.."

Now Hange stopped laughing. Erwin shrugged as he looked back at both of them before pulling the door open.

"Hey, here." Y/N sounded filled with fatigue as she handed over a small bottle to Erwin.

"Oh! Thank you! Where'd you get this?" Erwin smiled with delight immediately flopping back down next to his bag.

"Jean carries around extra strength glue because Connie always manages to break something fragile." Y/N replied "I doubt it'll work but maybe it'll help a little?"

Erwin nodded happily as Y/N turned to look at Hange. Her hands balled up and her fingers fidgeting where she was pulling at them.

"How's your rib Hange?"

"It's ok now, thanks for asking."

Y/N nodded and at this moment everyone in the room was looking at Levi who automatically felt extremely naked.

"Levi um.. can I talk to you? In the hall?"

Levi didn't know if he had nodded in his head or in real life but he was swiftly moving across the room. Passing Y/N where she stood and then holding the door open as she walked out just behind him. The door shut behind the two of them and if Levi felt naked before the feeling out here was somehow worse.

"What happened?"

Levi could hear the slightly muffled footsteps on the other side of the door and even a whispered Hange as Y/N spoke. His hands felt both too dry and wet all at once as he looked into her mildly menacing gaze.

"Wh- where wh-when.."

"You barely said anything to me after I brought the cream for your forehead. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

Oh god how can she possibly assume that? Levi felt his stomach clench. He had never had it easy with text, which was why he pretty much always called everyone.

"I-I didn't mean.. it um.." He shuffled his feet a bit now remembering that he still had no shoes on.

Y/N sighed. "I wanna be your friend Levi. Please tell me you want that too."

With a deep breath he replied, "Call me."

"When?"

"Anytime.. I'm a bad t-texter.."

When her facial features softened Levi felt his shoulders finally sag for the first time since he'd heard her name in the lobby. "Ok.. oh ok, that's all it was? I thought I did something wrong. I'm glad we talked."

And Levi was barely registering her hands wrapping around his shoulders. Her body pressing oh so comfortably close to his. Hand sliding over his back, scent overwhelming his nose. And then just as soon it was all being taken away.

"I'll call you, ok?"

"Ok.." Levi's hand was still waving long after she'd already disappeared out of plain view.

"Oh god you're her friend!" Hange laughed the door suddenly yanked open behind Levi.

"It's as cute as it is sad." Erwin clicked his teeth.

"Tch, shut up." Levi stomped back into the room.

"Levi, you're in the friendzone!" Hange huffed as Erwin shut the door. "And if you don't get out of it. You're gonna be the short shoulder to cry on when some big dude with an invalid drivers license, a shit ton of tattoos and a porn addiction breaks her heart."

"That's oddly specific.." Erwin retorts

"All of you keep assuming I wanna be her boyfriend. I don't!"

Erwin rolled his eyes, "That tall guy that she was with actually. I think he'll be the guy who has her running to Levi's shoulder."

"Oh you mean Jean?" Hange nods "But they broke up a while ago."

"Then why is she still hanging out with him?"

"He's Sasha and Connie's best friend. So they've all known each other a while. They're a set, don't separate type deal."

"Then it's only logical that Y/N will marry Jean someday. You know if they all stay so close."

"Yup, definitely."

"You can both eat shit."

~~~~

Day one

Levi strained awake, blinded by the harsh sunlight stabbing his eyes through the uncovered window. He couldn't even remember when he'd fallen asleep last night but he could already tell it was too early for everyone else to be awake.

He could recall a couple things from last night. Hange overstaying her welcome in his room, Erwin suggesting that Hange pay for his fucked up luggage and somethings he would rather not think about.

Preferably the others joining in his room to discuss breakfast plans. At which Sasha had suggested the diner they had already planned to go to early in the morning. Levi's heart sank as he recalled Y/N's gorgeous smile directed to Jean who had stood behind her rubbing her shoulders and whispering in her ear.

He squeezed his eyes shut, standing from his bed and immediately working to straighten out the sheets before eyeing the book he'd unpacked last night.

Maybe he could get some reading done before Hange inevitably came to annoy him.

The one he was currently holding was of a dog wearing a big floppy hat in the mist of sunflowers. He quickly matched it with his black and white sweatpants. And with a small sigh he headed to the bathroom.

He thumbed at the spine of the book, sliding his finger between the pages to the current bookmark. A shower would probably be a better start to the morning though. He set the book down unzipping one of his bags and pulling out the first pair of clothing folded at the top. Levi hadn't remembered packing one of his mother's many silly birthday gifts to him. She had always bought him shirts with pictures on them that confused him.

He didn't even remember the last time he'd had a shower that was hot for more than five minutes. Or the last time he could look down at his feet without seeing a hair monster in the drain.

He took a couple extra minutes to completely wash his hair, combing his fingers through the strands before shutting off the water and quickly getting dressed.

As he reentered his room he remembered the random gaze Jean threw his way. The smirk on his lips, the taunting glare and then just as quickly it was over. And he was talking to her like nothing had happened.

Levi had never once in his entire life thought about having a girlfriend. It just wasn't something that absorbed his thoughts but he knew the second he saw that smirk on Jean's face what he wanted to be to Y/N.

He just couldn't imagine how.

His fluffy towel hugged his head as he popped open the book he'd discarded a couple minutes ago. He pulled his feet in closer to his body tracing the letters on the page, delving into the story-

"Levi!"

Two fucking seconds.. that had to be a new record.

A barrage of harsh knocks sounded outside his door and he yanked it open to see Hange standing there out of breath with a barely alive looking Erwin behind her. Excitement flooding her features as she pushed past Levi with Erwin in tow. A blue toothbrush almost falling from his lips.

"You couldn't let him finish brushing his fucking teeth?" Levi grunted, shutting the door behind the two of them. Erwin sighed his eyes shut, toothbrush dangling from his mouth. "Why're you here?"

"We're all going for breakfast remember?"

"Not for another thirty minutes." Levi narrowed his eyes and leaned back against the tv table.

Hange smiled, "Yup and that means we have enough time to figure out a game plan to get you and Y/N together by the end of today." Hange clapped excitedly though both Erwin and Levi couldn't possibly look less enthused.

"I don't need your help."

"Erwin, back me up here!"

"I'm not doing shit since you didn't let me spit and I had to swallow toothpaste." Erwin remarked, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

Levi's face scrunched up and Hange let out a snort. "Why did you swallow it.. you could've just spit it out in the hall or something."

"That's fucking disgusting." Levi grunted

"Why the hell would I do that?" Erwin asked

"You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste duh!"

Everyone huffed all at once and Levi flopped down next to Erwin on the bed. "If I need any help I'll ask.." He mumbled already feeling heat fly to his cheeks.

"We're finally gonna get you a girlfriend Levi!!" Hange squeezed his body in a tight hug.

Just as Levi was about to push her away a couple of soft knocks sounded on his door again, "We're leaving a little earlier, hurry and come downstairs."

~~~~

Before the car had even pulled up back at the lodge Hange was already screaming about going skiing. Erwin had asked if Levi wanted to which he'd replied with a scoff.

"Really? Cause there are plenty of chances for Y/N to fall on you. Or you to fall on her." He shrugged.

Levi just rolled his eyes and at that Erwin gave up and now he was standing at the freezing cold railing watching everyone go down the stupid slope for what had to have been an hour or so. How'd he end up with bag watch? He didn't even wanna come outside.. He blew on his fingers trying and falling to warm them. At this point he felt exhausted, absolutely none of his clothes were keeping him warm.

With a sigh he pulled Hange and Erwin's bags up onto his shoulder along with Sasha and Connie's belongings. If he could manage to get upstairs he could warm up at least a little. A hot cup of tea practically beckoning him.

It took him only a couple seconds to realize he didn't have Y/N's bag. He looked around for a couple seconds. Did she bring a bag outside? Did he lose her bag?? He'd only left once to got to the bathroom. Did someone steal it.. Shit. He grumbled in disgust. Where could he have left it?

Feeling a bit panicked he headed towards the stairs. Blood running cold, his eyes practically bouncing out of his skull. His heart stopped at the display in front of him. Jean's hand on Y/N's waist as she leaned forward on the railing. Their lips pressed together..

(Hey Siri, play Heartbreak Anniversary by Giveon.)

[malfoys-demigod]

You, Me, and Salsa Nights

Leo Valdez x Reader

A/N: It was brought to my attention that @kwilliamoon thinks my Leo fics are bomb and I love them so much for that. Enjoy, all! 

Request from them: PLS PLS UHHHH CAN I REQUEST LIKE A LEO FIC WHERE HIM AND HIS GF ARE IN THR MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND THEY CANT SLEEP SO THEY GO INTO THEIR BIG LIVING ROOM AND HE KINDA TEACH HER SALSA OR SMTH AND THEY DANCE LIKE THAT IN A CUTE WAY??

Word Count: 1.6k 

After another long-lasting and draining day at Camp Half-Blood, Leo Valdez was finally done with the day. It was Friday, which meant he went through the last of many things for the weekday. He was finished with the last cabin inspection first thing in the morning, greek classes, battle training, various activities and chores, competition, and campfire sing-along, which he was glad to avoid during the weekends, now that he could have the option to dodge the favorite hobbies of the children of Apollo. 

With it being eleven o’clock in the evening, it was curfew time, and Leo felt a wave of relief the moment he crashed into his comfy single-bed. ‘Happy Friday indeed,’ he thought to himself as his eyes closed, breathing in slowly as he tried falling asleep. 

It was only a few minutes past eleven o’clock when Leo’s face wrinkled in disappointment as he frustratingly sat back up, opening his irritated eyes. What was wrong with him? Why did he feel the need not to sleep at the moment? He shook his head and laid his back against the bed again, trying to knock himself asleep once again. He closed his eyes harder, trying to tell his body that it was time to doze off. 

Not even one minute had passed when Leo’s head felt like an erupting volcano. He started grumbling curse words in Spanish as he sat back up again, placing his hand on his forehead. He looked around the room, examining all his half-siblings, who have succeeded in falling asleep unlike him, which made him envious of what they were doing at the moment. Since his body was not up for sleeping, he had no problem getting out of his steel bunk bed, actively, but slowly, to make sure he wouldn’t wake up anybody. 

Luckily for him, he was nearby the iconic fire pole of his cabin, which comes down from the second floor, the floor he was currently at, all the way to the ground floor. He grabbed onto the pole and made his way down to the ground floor, which was always unclean and messy, filled with junk most of the time. 

Leo looked around the room, checking out the workbench with overflew with scrap metal, screws, bolts, washers, nails, rivets, and a million other machine parts. He may have had the energy to get out of bed, but did not have the enthusiasm to do any work, plus, there was another chance of waking anyone up. 

He made his way to the exit of the cabin, which had a lot of gears around, as he slowly opened the door and stood by the entrance of his cabin. He wasn’t scared of getting caught by authorities such as Mr. D or Chiron, because he was a counselor! He could have made a small, white lie and defended himself by saying he thought he heard someone try to sneak out. Besides, he knew a couple of people, cabin-mate or not, who would also be seen, awake at this ungodly hour. 

Leo was leaning by the brick wall of the entrance, looking all the way at Cabin Four, the cabin covered in beautiful flowers and tomato plants, which would grow on the walls and doorway. It wasn’t hard for Leo to find his girlfriend, Y/N, who would be often seen at night, randomly watering the wildflowers and roses, which grow on the porch, as a way to serve her boredom at night. She too was someone who had trouble sleeping like Leo. 

It didn’t take long for Y/N to discover that her boyfriend was up at night as well on that day. As she was watering the flowers, she noticed a small spot of fire from the corner of her eyesight, waving in mad directions. She looked up and turned to see a figure by Cabin Nine, waving around the small spot of fire she could feel from the corner of her eyesight. 

There was a smile on her face the moment she realized that it was her boyfriend Leo, who was the one by the entrance of Cabin Nine. Y/N quickly finished watering the plants and discretely jogged from her cabin to Leo’s. Leo was opening his arms wide, as Y/N’s body crashed with his, hugging him as tight as she could. 

Leo could hear small giggles from her girlfriend, as he pulled away to see that she was smiling happily from her giggles. “Couldn’t sleep again, mi amor?” he obviously asked her, placing a strand of her hair in the back of her ear. 

Y/N nodded, “Guilty as charged.” Leo nodded as well, understanding her. “Me neither. And I even thought today was one of the most tiring days we’ve had,” he complained playfully. 

Y/N laughed at his complaint, “You probably are starting to lack cardio, Valdez,” she sarcastically suggested, “I can’t sleep because I fear I might have nightmares,” she embarrassingly said, “like last night.” She looked down to the ground, contemplating on the nightmare she experienced recently. 

Leo placed a finger on her chin, causing her to look back up at him. “Hey,” he quietly said, “Nightmares aren’t something to be ashamed of. We all get ‘em too, Y/N. Like literally, last week, I didn’t want to tell you this but I dreamt that Festus ate all my scrap metal, which caused me to wake up screaming and waking up my other cabin-mates.”

Y/N’s embarrassed smile turned into laughter as she giggled again, “And is that why I overheard Jake Mason and Nyssa Barrera complain about you last week?” Leo shrugged sarcastically, without an answer, meaning that it was definitely about that. Y/N nodded in understanding, which caused Leo to shake his head, “Anyways,” he said, “I have a proposition for you, mi amor.”

“I’m listening,” Y/N said. 

Leo turned around to open the door to his cabin. He took a hold of Y/N’s hand as he brought her inside his cabin. Y/N hesitantly pulled his hand, which made him turn around to her attention. “Leo, are you sure this is a good idea for me to be in your cabin? At this hour? I think I should get going-”

“Relaaaax, mamacita,” Leo comforted her, placing his hands on her shoulders, “I’m a counselor of this cabin. I’ve got power here.” he confidently assured her. Y/N took a deep breath and gave in, nodding at Leo, who smiled in relief. 

“Okay,” he said, “I need cardio, and you need something to help distract you from thinking about another round of nightmares, right?” 

“Mhm,” Y/N verified, “And what about them?”

Leo grinned with something on his mind as he turned around to switch on the radio he built, turning on an energetic song, but at a low volume, which was perfect for the two of them to hear. Y/N tilted her head, wondering why he did that. “What’s happening, Leo?”

A smirk grew on Leo’s face as he walked closer to Y/N, placing one hand on her waist, and another on her shoulder. “Cuera Maraca y Bongo is happening and I’m going to teach you how to dance the salsa.”

Y/N’s eyes grew wide, but she followed Leo and placed her hands on him as well. “Are you sure this is a good proposition, Leo?” she hesitantly asked him. 

“Again, relax, Y/N/N,” he reminded her, “You’re going to be a natural in this. If my mother taught a hard-headed person like me, then I can teach someone who’s unsure of whether she has the moves in her or not.”

-- 

Y/N, as instructed by Leo, rocked back on her right foot to the beat of the song. She smoothly shifted her weight from the front to back to shift her body position. Leo smiled as she cooperated and executed it well. He swung his hips slightly to accentuate the movement, which she willingly followed. 

She didn’t question how smooth of a dancer her boyfriend was, but instead, she focused on becoming somehow smooth of a beginner dancer that night. 

Once the song was finished, Leo and Y/N were still in each other’s arms, looking at each other with admiration. Leo was astonished at how quickly his girlfriend could learn the salsa, as he took weeks to months, learning from the footsteps of his own mother. There was more to learn about Y/N from his point of view. 

From Y/N’s point of view, she was staggered by how excellent of a dancer he was. She was always there when Leo would taunt others, teasing them that they were to be cautious of his ‘sick dance moves’ he kept in his sleeves. She never knew how much of a skilled dancer he actually was, and they were in fact, the sickest moves she ever witnessed. 

It was time to break the silence when Leo and Y/N coincidentally spoke at the same time, expressing, “You’re amazing.” There was awestruck in their reactions, for saying the same thing at the same time, and for bringing out the truth all of a sudden. 

Y/N chuckled, grinning at Leo, “Leo, I never knew how much of a dancer you were. This is definitely something you should show off to everyone here.”

Leo, flattered, shook his head and hands, “No, no, no, as much as I want to show this off, and believe me, I do, since I have the right to,” he teased, “YOU, my lovely girlfriend, should be the one showing off those moves- well, to the girls, definitely NOT the guys here- er- anyways, Y/N, you’re going to be natural in such a quick time, believe me. You have gifts.”

Y/N smiled, “Aw, thanks, Leo.” Then, all of a sudden, her smile turned into a surprised facial expression, as Y/N figured something out. “Leo! I think we just found a way to use up sleepless nights.”

Leo, happy as ever, leaned in and kissed Y/N’s forehead, and said, “You, me, and salsa nights.”

[the-duke-of-nuts]

Is This Coffee Hot Or Is It Just You?

Day 3: Coffee Shop @dukexietyweek 

Summary: Virgil finds out that a certain someone happens to work at the local coffee shop

Pairing: Dukexiety

Word Count: 1389

Warnings: Food Mention, Innuendos, Violence Mention, Literally all of my fics contain swearing so there’s that I guess

Tag List: @idontcareaboutcanon (If anyone else wants to be added just let me know)

Ah Coffee shops. Virgil never understood the appeal about a place filled with nothing but caffine, free WIFI, hipsters, and pastries. He certainly also didn't understand why he agreed to go to the local one near his apartment that his friends kept oh so begging him to go to for some reason. Well, by "friends" it was mostly Patton and Roman. His other two friends could care less about the place just as much as him. But here he was opening the door to the quiet semi-crowded shop. There was an oddly comforting atmosphere to it. The lights were dim, random relaxing music can be heard through the speakers, various different tea boxes and mugs hung on the shelves. "Maybe this place isn't so bad." Virgil thought to himself as he looked around the room. He walked forward to the counter as he happened to be the next person in line but then he saw him.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Remus Pierce. The same Remus Pierce that always flirted with him in high school. The same Remus Pierce that casually ate juiced bread at lunch to gross people out. The same Remus Pierce that Virgil secretly had a crush- 

"Well hello there customer~ What can I get you~?" The said mustached, silver streaked hair barista asked smirking. "Coffee." Virgil deadpanned. "I'm afraid you're gonna need to be more specific than that." "Like my soul." Virgil glared. "Alright so black it is. And a name?" Remus smirked as he uncapped a marker and held an empty coffee cup. "Oh my god Remus you already know my-" Virgil took a deep breath in so he could stop himself from getting angry and causing an unnecessary scene and answered with a fake smile "Virgil." "I'm sorry can you spell that for me please? I don't wanna misspell a hottie like yours name like everybody else here does to the other customers."

That damn cocky smirk.

Virgil just wanted to kiss- punch that smug look off his face. "V-I-R-G-I-L." "Okay S-E-X-Y got it. Your beverage should be hot and ready for you shortly." Remus winked and booped Virgil's nose as he walked off to go make the emo's coffee. Virgil growled blushing and buried his face in his hands.

Damn him for being so hot- horrible!

Remus soon came back with Virgil's coffee and dramatically bowed as he held the cup for him to take."For you, my 'Bittersweet Symphony'. "Thanks..." Virgil hesitantly took the beverage. "How much?" He asked as he placed the cup down and reached for his wallet. "Oh for you it's on the house!" "Thanks I guess?" Remus smiled and responded with a nod and a hum.

You gorgeous fuck stop smiling!

Virgil's heart started beating a little faster. Surely Remus wasn't having this effect on him right? They've known each other since high school. There was nothing to be nervous about. The only reason Virgil didn't hear much about the barista after that was because Roman hardly ever talked about him. "So... You work here." Virgil stated as he tried to start a conversation. "Yup! Have been for a couple of months now. What about you? Do you do anything nowadays?" "Of course I do I do a lot of stuff!" Virgil immediately answered. " Oh really? Like what?" Remus asked amused. "Stuff..." Virgil half mumbled as he looked away. Remus cackled.

That disgustingly beautiful laugh.

"Vee Vee, I've known you long enough to know that you're not fully being honest because you're either 1, ashamed or 2, scared of what I'm gonna say. Now c'mon what do you actually do? I promise I won't judge." Virgil blushed. Was he really that readable?

"Fine. It's not like you care or anything but I write poems and sell them."

"Nice. Maybe one of these days you can read me one of your angsty emo sonnets. OOH! Or better yet I can help you write some juicy-"

"Not happening!"

"Fine fine suit yourself." Remus chuckled. "So what brings you here Finding Emo?"

"Prince Drama Queen and Chocolate Chip Cookies."

"Ah so Romano and Patty. That figures. You sure it wasn't for another reason~?"

"No?"

"C'mon admit it. I know you missed me~" Remus smirked playfully pinching Virgil's cheek. "I didn't even know you worked here!" Virgil blushed as he swatted Remus' hand away. "Yeah but now you do and you can see me aaaaanytime you want." "Whatever..." Virgil crossed his arms and looked away.

There soon became a silence between them. Since when did Remus' eyes get prettier? Maybe it was the eyeshadow? No he always had that. Maybe it was because they were a deep chocolate brown? His hair and lips definitely looked softer and- Shit! Virgil was staring!

Get out of there! Get out of there now!

"Anyways I should get going and uh-" Virgil cleared his throat as he picked up his coffee and turned around to leave as quick as possible but Remus stopped him. "Wait uh Virgil, can I ask you something?" Ah yes every anxiety-ridden person's favorite question. "You just did." Virgil deadpanned trying to play off his anxiousness. "You know what I meant!" Remus said slightly irritated.

"Fine. What is it?"

"Okay so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out together later after my shift?"

Virgil blushed. "Like a date?" "If you want it to be~" Remus wiggled his eyebrows and winked. "But in all seriousness yeah kind of." A date!? Remus was far from being the romantic type. This had to be a trick right!?

"Remus I-"

"Look, I know you don't like me much and you probably hate me, but just give me this one chance... Please?" Remus took Virgil's hand and gave him a pleading look. Virgil unconsciously held Remus' hand tighter staring into his eyes. He felt bad. Did Remus really think he actually hated him? That was far from the truth. Virgil loved him. He loved him so damn much since the moment he first laid eyes on him. He just didn't know how to tell him. Let alone show him. 

Virgil sighed. "Fine. One date and that's it. If I actually have a good time, I'll maybe consider going on some more with you. If not, then whatever we have going on between us isn't happening.” That was an obvious lie. Virgil would've agreed to go on countless ones regardless of the outcome and accept to being Remus' boyfriend if he asked but he never wanted to actually admit that to the barista's face.

"I won't disappoint!" Remus smiled getting a little excited. "Yeah yeah whatever. Just out of curiosity, what exactly is this date?" Virgil asked knowing fully well that this "date" the barista had planned was far from his twin's definition. Remus smirked and leaned forward for only Virgil to hear. "Two words. Baseball bats and breaking shit." There's the Remus he knew and loved.

Still chaotic as ever.

Virgil smiled. "Alright you've piqued my interest." "I'm glad I did. If I'm lucky, we both know what happens after the first date~" Remus smirked wiggling his eyebrows. "Shut up. You wish." Virgil blushed holding back a laugh and playfully pushed Remus' face away. Remus cackled.

"A man can fantasize."

"Yeah a little too much."

"So you have thought about-"

"Pierce! Stop flirting with the customers and get back to work!"

Remus rolled his eyes annoyed at his manager's voice in the distance. "I gotta go. My shift ends in like 2 hours and I put my number on the cup so just call or text me or come back by then." "Alright." Remus smirked. "What!?" Virgil blushed confused but immediately realized what that smirk meant.

Oh no.

Remus practically made this phrase a tradition everytime they said bye to each other. "I love you no homo." Yup there it was. Virgil sighed and facepalmed "I love you too no homo..." Remus smiled satisfied that Virgil still said it back since the day they first met.

"Later."

"Later."

 Virgil picked his coffee up and left and smiled to himself as soon as he went outside. After all of these years, he's still a dork. That's what Virgil always loved about Remus. And with that final thought, Virgil finally sipped his coffee and his smile grew wider.

He remembered exactly how I liked it.

[izzyfandoms]

Like Lipstick Stains On His Skin

SHIPS: Remile

CHARACTERS: Emile Picani, Remy Sanders

WARNING: Anxiety, references to heartbreak

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @aj-draws @phantomofthesanderssides @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread @mrbubbajones @glassferns @pun-master-logan @gayturtlez @k1ngtok1

Masterpost

A Series Of Soulmate AUs Masterpost

Emile Picani had been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember.

The moment he had first laid eyes on Remy Sanders, his initial thought had been that that was the most attractive person he’d ever seen. And, after getting to know him better, Emile’s thoughts only solidified; Remy was funny and sarcastic, smarter than anyone gave him credit for, and casually flirty in a way that made Emile’s heart stop and pound and ache all at once.

And Emile’s feelings had only strengthened as they grew up together.

From awkward teenagers still figuring out their sexualities to adults with their own homes and jobs and independent lives, Remy and Emile had stayed friends through it all, sticking together like glue since they’d first met in middle school. They knew almost everything about each other, and they were best friends.

But that was just it – they were friends. Nothing more.

And Emile was... fine with that. He was fine.

He loved Remy. Loved, loved, loved Remy.

And, sure, it hurt when he was with Remy, but not really with Remy, not in the way Emile always wanted to be. It hurt to be around him and know that it would only ever be platonic, that his best friend would never love him back in quite the same he loved him.

But time spent with Remy was better than time spent with anyone or anything else. And Emile knew that Remy cared deeply for him, too.

Emile could take the heartache if it meant he never lost his best friend.

When Emile heard the knock on his front door, he immediately recognised it as Remy’s. He jumped up – perhaps a little too enthusiastically and excitedly, but the only person that could see him right now was himself, so there was nobody around to judge. He rushed over to the door and pulled it open. Remy’s eyes lit up when he saw Emile, and he grinned.

Emile would never admit aloud to the tremble of his heart in his chest at the expression on his best friend’s face, but he did immediately squish down the traitorous hope that emerged every time Remy looked at him like that. Which happened almost every time they saw each other.

“Hey, Remy! You’re here early,” Emile said.

“Hope that’s chill, babe. I was not watching the time.”

(Emile did his best to ignore the feelings that the use of the nickname ‘babe’ stirred up.)

Remy’s sunglasses were propped up on his head, as they often were, and his warm brown eyes were on display. He was wearing his signature black leather jacket, too, as he usually was, with a white crop-top – with the word ‘bitch’ across the front in block capitals – underneath, exposing his midriff.

It took effort for Emile to keep his eyes from drifting downwards.

“It’s fine, Remy,” Emile smiled, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on his best friend’s face. “You’re always welcome here, you know that.”

Remy laughed. “If you keep saying that, I’ll end up showing up here at 4am when I’m drunk.”

“Well, I would rather you came here than go somewhere else and get yourself hurt.”

“Even if that means I wake you up from whatever candy-coloured, cartoon-filled dreams you’re having?”

“Mhm!”

“Damn, gurl, you really are sweeter than sugar, huh? How the hell did someone like you end up being besties with someone like me?”

“Aww, Remy, I think you give yourself too little credit.”

Remy laughed again. “Nah, babes, I love myself. I’m just kinda an asshole sometimes.”

“Isn’t everyone sometimes?” Emile said.

“Not you, apparently. Come on, you’re basically an angel, like, 24/7 and I have legit no idea how you do it. You’ve got the patience of a saint and a smile that literally gives me toothache just looking at it. You’re downright adorable.”

Elation bubbled up in Emile’s heart, and those bubbles filled his chest and spilled over in the forms of happy giggles. He covered his smile with his hand, and practically melted on the spot at the soft, fond look that crossed Remy’s face for just a moment – almost unnoticeable, but Emile paid enough attention that he saw it – before being replaced with Remy’s usual grin.

“Do you want to come in?” Emile asked, still smiling.

“Sure.”

Emile stepped to the side, and Remy’s arm brushed against his own as he walked past him. He hoped the stuttered breath at the contact wasn’t obvious.

“I like the new tie,” Remy commented as Emile shut the door and turned to face him.

Emile perked up. “Oh, you noticed!”

“Course I did,” Remy said. “I’ve seen every tie you’ve got like a million times. I could tell that one was new basically as soon as you opened the door.”

“Aww, Remy... you’re great. The best friend a guy could have!”

Emile’s smile was soft, fond, and so, so caring, and – for just a moment – he could have sworn that Remy looked flustered to be the recipient of it: wide-eyed and as still as a statue. But then, the moment passed, and Remy’s expression smoothed over and returned to normal, and Emile was sure that he’d only imagined it.

“It’s nothing, babe,” Remy said, waving his hand dismissively. “You noticed when I got that new skirt last week, even though it’s identical to my old one-”

“Your old one had a big hole in it! The new one didn’t.”

“Yeah, so I had to get a new one ‘cos it made my ass look great and I wasn’t ‘bout to give that shit up, you know? Ooh, and I especially love it paired with those heels that get everyone looking at my legs, ‘cos that combo makes me look fab AF.” Remy paused. “You know what, I think that’s kinda beside the point. Any-gay, you noticed ‘cos you’re cool like that, so me noticing your tie is, like, nothing.”

“Aww, Remy,” Emile reached forward, and poked Remy’s arm. “It’s not nothing, most people wouldn’t even be able to tell! You’re my best friend, and it makes me really, really happy that you notice these kinds of things.”

Remy’s expression softened. “Well, then I guess it makes it pretty special then, huh?”

Emile felt like screaming. Or kissing Remy. Or kissing Remy and then screaming.

(Though, really, if Emile ever got the chance to kiss Remy, he’d be too busy savouring it to even think of doing anything else. Too busy savouring the feeling of warm lips against his own, of Remy’s gentle hand against his cheek, of a chest pressed against his own, of being so close to the one person he wanted to be close to more than anything else in the world. But he never thought he’d ever get the chance.)

Emile stumbled over his words, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other as he fiddled with his hands. He had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that, and wasn’t sure if he even could without losing control of his mouth and accidentally confessing his undying love for his best friend.

“Um...” he trailed off.

Remy laughed awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair and glancing away.

“So, uh... what did- what did your patients think of your new tie?”

“Oh!” Emile perked up again, at once both disappointed and relieved by the return to the original topic of conversation. “Yeah, two of them complimented it. And someone said the red was a nice change from the usual pastels, so I think it was a big hit!”

He smiled, and Remy immediately smiled back.

“Nice.”

“I think the pink tie’s still my favourite, though.”

“Mine, too. It’s a classic Emile colour.”

Emile laughed. “There are classic Emile colours?”

“Sure, there are! You’ve got your baby pink, baby blue and, you know,” Remy reached out, tugging gently on Emile’s cardigan sleeve. “You’ve got your cardigan-colour. I’ve, like, barely ever seen you without this thing. How many of these do you have? Like, a hundred?”

Emile giggled again, covering his mouth with his hand. “I have two. And they’re both a little different!”

“Right, right,” Remy nodded. “One’s, like, a little bigger.”

“Mhm! And this one’s a bit softer.”

Remy nodded again, slowly and with an amused tint to his smile. “So, are we gonna, like, move, or are we gonna stand in your hallway forever?”

“Oh, right!” Emile said, like he’d only just remembered that they were still stood at his front door.  

He moved past Remy, gesturing for his friend to follow as he went into the next room and sat down on the couch. Remy immediately flopped onto it beside him, getting comfortable on the soft, squishy cushions. He leant back lazily and stretched.

“Ooh,” Remy finally said, straightening up. “I bought a new lipstick yesterday!”

“Ooh, what colour?”

“It’s, like, pink. It matches the shoes I bought last week, and it makes me look killer. I’m gonna get all the guys’ eyes on me, so it sucks that I can’t wear it when I’m, like, actually looking to kiss strangers, you know?”

Emile ignored the pang of pain in his heart, and did his best to smile encouragingly.

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned,” he said. “I- I bet you look great in it. And it- it's a shame you can’t wear it when you want to.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda tempted to, you know, but, like, if I’m wearing lipstick, then I won’t know if any marks my lips make are ‘cos of my lipstick or ‘cos of soulmate shit, right?” Remy continued, gesturing vaguely with his hand. “And, like, what’s the pointing of making out with people if I can’t also know if they’re my soulmate?”

“Right.”

“So, I can only wear lipstick when I’m not looking for people to kiss. Sucks, but it’s gotta be done.”

Emile nodded slowly. Then, he paused, and his brow creased in thought.

“You don’t usually wear lipstick when you’re with me,” he said. “Even when we’re going out and it’s just us, no- no kissing strangers involved. How come?”

Remy froze in place.

“Uh...”

Emile blinked at him. He tilted his head questioningly. “Hmm?”

He could practically see the cogs turning in Remy’s head, while he searched for an answer that he obviously did not have or did not want to share. He looked... flustered, in a way that Emile had almost never seen him before – opening and closing his mouth a few times – and Emile just couldn’t seem to figure out why.

Remy and Emile just stared at each other, neither knowing quite what to say to the other. Emile was confused, not wanting to speak up at the risk of interrupting whatever Remy wanted to say. He also absolutely would not let his mind wander to the any possibilities that would fill him with hope.

A crushed hope was definitely not something Emile wanted to deal with, not right now.

Remy cleared his throat. He swallowed.

“Um- there’s...” he then huffed, looking down at his lap and running his fingers through his hair. He let out an awkward laugh, and then looked back up at Emile. “I... okay,” he sighed. “There’s something I think I should probs tell you.”

Emile stared at him, blinking. “What is it?” He asked.

“It, uh...” Remy sighed again. “I have no idea how you’d react to this. The thing I want to tell you... it could probs mess up our friendship.”

“Remy...” Emile said softly. “You’re my best friend. You can tell me anything, and I promise you this won’t mess anything up, okay?”

“You don’t even know what I’m about to say.”

“I don’t need to. I know you.” Emile leant forward slightly, giving Remy his best attempt at a soft, reassuring smile.

Remy stared at Emile for a second. Then he laughed again, a strange mix of awkwardness and nervousness and with a hint of slight joy, too – with a confusing, even a little alarming, effect. His eyes never left Emile’s smile.

“Jeez, babe. How are you making this so much harder but so much easier at, like, the same time?”

Emile blinked. “Um... is that good?”

“Dunno. But...” Remy took a deep breath. He clenched his hands into fists, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before he turned back to Emile. “Okay... wow, I’ve wanted to tell you this for forever, but, like, fuck, this is terrifying.”

Emile’s expression creased with concern. He reached forward, looking him over worriedly, and rested his hand on his best friend’s shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

“Remy, are you okay? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” he frowned slightly.

“No, I- I want to tell you. God, you have no idea how many times I’ve thought about telling you about my feelings.”

Feelings. Feelings, feelings, feelings.

Did that mean what Emile thought it meant?

The hope rose up, though he tried so hard to squash it down, but it was like trying to fit something large in a container too small and he could hardly keep it from filling up and overwhelming him. His breath stuttered, and he was sure he tensed up and froze in place for a moment, before he finally regained his composure and physically relaxed.

“Feelings?” He asked, in a voice slightly more strangled than before. “What feelings?”

Remy let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, that’s- that’s what I’ve gotta talk to you about. My- my feelings... for you.” He took another deep breath. “I... I love you, Em.”

“I love you, too,” Emile answered back immediately. “Haven’t we said this before?”

They had. The two best friends had been friends for so long: exchanging ‘I love you’s was practically part of their routine, by now.

But it had always been platonic, at least from Remy’s side.

Right?

“We- we have...” Remy said slowly. “But that’s not what I meant. I love you. Like, love love. Like the head over heels in love kind. The- the I can never stop thinking ‘bout you kind. The, fuck, you’re so gorgeous kind. The kind that means I’m, like, basically always thinking about you and about kissing you and about how, wow, you’re- you’re just amazing. I mean, damn, I know last week when I told you that you’re my favourite person, I kinda said it like a joke, but I meant it. I like really, really meant it.”

When Remy realised that he was rambling, he clamped his hand over his mouth, like it was the only way to get the words – the pretty, pretty words that had set Emile’s heart aflutter – to stop tumbling out.

Emile was frozen.

He stared, wide-eyed at his best friend.

“Oh,” was the only thing he could say, in a strangled voice.

He was sure that his face was already bright red.

“Great.” Remy sighed, removing his palm from his mouth and burying his face in his hands. “I’ve really fucked this up, haven’t I?” He mumbled just loud enough to be audible. “I- I know you don’t feel the same way, babe, and it’s fine. It’s totally, totally fine. I’m happy just being friends with you, ‘kay? You- you don’t have to return anything. It’s- it’s whatever. It’s chill.”

Emile’s brain had broken. He could hardly think anything other than the words ‘Remy’ and ‘love’ just over and over on repeat.

Instead of saying anything in response to that – as he wasn’t even sure if he could – he just suddenly burst into nervous, delighted laugher. Emile was sure he sounded like he was crazy, especially when Remy turned to him with a bewildered expression.

“Did- did you really mean that?” Emile asked when he could finally collect his thoughts enough to speak, which took slightly longer than he would have liked it to.

Remy blinked. Then, his expression softened.

“Of course, I did,” he said. “I’d never lie to you about something like this, Em.”

“So, you... you really mean it?” Emile asked hopefully.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did,” Remy said. He hesitated for a moment, before nervously adding: “Do you- I mean, is it-”

“I love you, too.”

There was a beat.

Remy stared back at him, wide-eyed. The moment of silence was somehow simultaneously nerve-racking and also soft and so, so exciting, because, oh my gosh, Remy loved him. Remy loved him, he loved him, he loved him!

Love! Love! Love!

And, oh, heavens above, Emile was about to start wiggling excitedly because, gosh, he really, really just had to kiss Remy, right now. And maybe – maybe, maybe, maybe – Remy would say yes if he asked.

Emile let out another giggle, covering his mouth with his hand.

“You... you do?” Remy asked, eyes wide and hopeful, and Emile was suddenly glad that the sunglasses were propped up on his head, as his expression was always much easier to read that way.

“Yeah,” Emile responded, equally soft. “I really, really do.”

“Wow. Just- just wow.”

Emile reached forward, impulsively cupping Remy’s cheek with his hand, and Remy froze. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

“Oh, gosh- sorry,” Emile apologised. “I should’ve asked-”

He moved to take his hand away, but was stopped by Remy covering Emile’s hand with his own.

“You’re good- you're- yes. Yes.”

And, well, that was exactly the answer that Emile had wanted to hear.

He leant forward, and finally – finally! – did the thing he’d most wanted to do for years. Years. Since the moment he’d first laid eyes on Remy, he’d thought about it.

He kissed Remy.

Softly. Carefully. Holding Remy’s face so delicately like he was holding something precious.

And the way Remy was kissing him back...

Emile had seen Remy kiss people before – strangers, friends – and he’d always kissed them like he was doing it for fun, not love. He’d never seen Remy kiss anyone as gently as Remy was kissing him, right now.

Bubbles of delight and fireworks of excitement were going off in Emile’s heart and his mind.

He sighed happily into the kiss, and he could suddenly feel Remy smile against his lips.

Emile broke the kiss with another delighted giggle and Remy couldn’t help but just start laughing with him, too. And, of course, that just made Emile’s giggles louder and more enthusiastic.

He was so focused on the laughing and the delighted feeling in his chest from the fact that he had just kissed Remy, that Emile didn’t immediately notice that Remy’s lips were suddenly pink – a light, pastel pink that certainly hadn’t been there before.

And, in fact, it was Remy who halted the laughter first, by freezing in place and staring – yet again wide-eyed – at Emile’s own lips.

Emile paused, and tilted his head in confusion.

“Remy?”

Remy opened and closed his mouth a few times, never taking his eyes off of Emile’s lips.

“Em... your- your lips.”

Emile blinked. He reached a hand up to his own lips, and swiped a finger across them. He then looked back down at his hand, and found nothing – no blood, no anything.

He paused, and then turned his head to look at the mirror that hung on an opposite wall.

His eyes landed on his reflection, and he finally noticed that there was a smear of shiny silver across his lips that definitely, definitely hadn’t been there before.

Emile sucked in a breath as Remy turned his head to look into the mirror, and he realised that Remy’s lips were now a lipstick-like pink, when he certainly hadn’t been wearing any just before the pair had kissed.

“We’re-” Remy started.

“Oh,” Emile breathed.

“Oh,” Remy echoed.

They turned their heads to stare at each other, equally wide-eyed and shocked and excited.

Soulmates.

They were soulmates.

And then Remy surged forward, and kissed Emile again.

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Tracing Time

Monday, 15:18

Song: The Neighbourhood - Reflections

The clock at the front of the lecture hall is too far away for Sander to actually hear its ticking, but it feels like it’s louder than the tapping of his pen where he’s drumming it against his notebook. This is propped open with only a few lines of actual notes and a lot of doodles, with a quick, ragged sketch of Robbe on the bottom half of the page. Sander sighs quietly to himself as he fails his futile attempt to listen to the professor, and goes back to the drawing to add on some extra shading and more careful detail.

This is so much easier to get caught up in. Time disappears when it comes to art or Robbe, so combining the two is similar to falling into a black hole. The gravity of it is so strong, making it impossible for Sander to escape as time stops and everything else ceases to exist. He gets eaten up in it, lost until the point where everything whites out but the scratch of pen on paper and the familiar shape of Robbe’s eyes. There is no talking or ticking to make him want to peel his skin off (or at least fidget about in his chair).

It’s not the best plan, however, because he zones out a little too completely. He doesn’t realise that the class has ended until a girl clears her throat next to him, standing in the aisle and waiting to get past. Sander whips his gaze around and notices his other classmates already filing out of the room.

He flushes, muttering an apology as he quickly gets to his feet and presses back to let the girl and her friend slip past him. She glances down at his notebook as she passes and her lips quirk in a knowing smile, but she merely says, “Cute. Nice work on the lips.”

Sander’s blush deepens, but he returns her smile and manages to thank her quietly before she slips away. Her friend raises her brows and smirks at him, but doesn’t say anything as she follows. He lets out a breath and slumps back against his now folded-up chair, taking a moment to collect himself. He snatches up his bag and hastily stows away his belongings, only taking time to carefully close the notebook and tuck it in between the others in his bag. He trots down the steps and almost makes it to the door without any further embarrassment, and then the professor is calling his name.

Lars Coomans isn’t Sander’s favourite professor, only because he teaches art theory rather than anything practical. Sander doesn’t mind learning about history when he finds the subject interesting, but that only happens about twelve percent of the time. (Again, this isn’t Lars’ fault.) The man is not his favourite professor, but he might be one of his favourite people. He’s a tall man in his late forties with a tiny bald patch on the right side of his head and a soft voice. He’s relatively laid back and certainly kind.

For this reason, Sander doesn’t even feel the need to groan as he hangs back, even while the last stragglers shoot him curious looks on the way out. Lars waits until they’ve left to smile at Sander and lean back against his desk, head tilted as he considers his student.

Now, Sander begins to feel a bit nervous.

“How are you, Sander?”

The question is kind, careful, and it baffles him. He knows that all of his professors are aware of his illness, but none of them make a habit of checking up on him. They’re aware, from when he misses a week or two of classes or, on the rare occasion, needs to ask for an extension on an assignment. They’re aware, but beyond that, it doesn’t come up. No one makes a fuss about it and he’s grateful. And maybe Lars isn’t, either, maybe it’s just his kindness sprouting in the start of the conversation, nothing more than a mere courtesy. But the searching way he’s looking at Sander makes him hesitant, and he clasps his right hand around his left wrist and shifts on his feet before clearing his throat. He decides to take the casual route. “I’m fine, how are you?”

Lars seems to relax, lips quirking further for a moment before he shakes his head and waves a hand. “Oh, good, good, thank you. No, I’m not trying to be nosy, I just ask because you didn’t submit your assignment before noon today.”

Sander blinks. “Sorry?”

“The papers that were due this morning?” Lars blinks back, tilting his head. When Sander continues to stare at him blankly, he offers, “On the renaissance?”

Oh. Sander’s mouth opens and closes for a moment before he finds his voice. “But that’s not due until Friday evening?” It comes out as a question as his brow furrows in confusion. He’s sure the two assignments weren’t due in one day, and he frequently checks his calendar. He’s lost, and he’s beginning to panic slightly.

“No, it was due today,” Lars says softly, searching again as he crosses his legs at the ankles and taps the edge of his desk. “Daems has an assignment due on Friday, I believe, you have him, don’t you?”

Realisation hits abruptly. “Fuck,” he breathes, raising a hand to cover his face. “Shit, sorry. I don’t know—I must have mixed the dates, put the classes in wrong.” Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But Lars just nods, his whole posture softening in understanding. “Alright,” he sighs. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up, it’s an easy mistake. Can you get it to me by the end of the day?”

Sander swallows. “I haven’t started it,” he admits. He’d started doing the research, but he didn’t even have enough of that yet. He would be lucky to finish that by the end of the day, never mind the paper itself.

“Okay, well, you thought you had until Friday.” Lars rubs a hand over his chin and finally just shakes his head. “Alright. I’ll put you down for an extension until the time you thought it was due. And at least you don’t have the other one to worry about now, since I’m assuming that means you submitted it this morning.”

Relief flows through Sander in streams, but the banks are prickled. He purses his lips tightly and squeezes his wrist. “Lars, I just fucked up. I don’t have a good excuse, I don't want any pity.”

“No,” Lars immediately protests, pushing away from his desk to stand closer to Sander. “It’s nothing of the sort. No pity, or special treatment. You explained you made a mistake and I’ve no reason not to trust you.” He sighs, shaking his head. “You’re one of the best students here, Sander. I know because I pass that work of yours on the street every day. Even someone that good has to slip up sometimes, hm?”

Sander can only stare at him, feeling his cheeks warm again. He ducks his head, embarrassed at the compliment and the thought of his professor seeing the magnitude of his sappy love on a regular basis.

Lars only chuckles, bumping Sander’s shoulder. “I know I’m teasing, but I mean it. You’ve never even asked me for an extension before. I know you weren’t just slacking off. It feels bad, I know, but it’s not a big deal, kid. Just brush it off and then get it done, alright?”

Sander considers him. Then with a deep breath, he nods and murmurs, “Thank you.”

“Don’t stress.” Lars squeezes his shoulder, then waves him away. “Come find me or email me if you have any questions, okay? Now go on, no need to hang around an old man any longer.”

Sander huffs, but offers him one last nod and grateful smile before making his way out. As soon as he’s passed through the door, he falters in his step and his eyes close, anger towards himself returning with a vengeance. How could he have made such a stupid mistake? How has it taken this long for that to happen?

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment, willing the frustration away. It doesn’t work entirely, but he manages a few slow breaths and collects himself enough to leave. He doesn’t think too much about where he’s going, just follows the feeling and lets his feet carry him to his bike, then pedal automatically through the streets.

The garage comes into view, and Sander tucks his bike away before rapping his knuckles against the door, not having to think about the familiar knock beyond muscle memory. His feet are tapping on the ground, and he does his best to shake the nerves out of his skin as he waits.

He’s not in full panic mode yet, not really. The only thoughts he can conjure are more swears and variations of stupid, stupid, stupid. He needs something distracting enough to quiet these rants down, but mindless enough that he can attempt to sort his thoughts out.

This is part of the reason he can’t go to Robbe, no matter how much he wants to. Robbe will be too kind. Too soothing. He’s the only one ever able to fully drown out Sander’s thoughts enough so that he stops being unkind to himself.

He doesn’t want that, at the moment. He thinks he deserves this more.

This being the frustration that leads him to bang the rhythmic code on the door once more when he doesn’t get an answer.

“Woah,” a familiar voice interrupts. “You’re not usually the kind who breaks in by knocking the place down.”

Sander turns slowly on his heel to face Adi. The man (as Sander considers him, because he is actually three years older and holds genuine wisdom on occasion) is staring him down in amusement. Quite literally staring down, as he has a good few inches on Sander, but he often leans back and slouches his shoulders to make up for it. He’s only about as tall as Jens, really, but he’s broader and looks overall bigger and more intimidating.

Robbe might be tiny next to him, and Sander might find it adorable, but Robbe is also completely unfazed because of long-time exposure to Jens.

Which is only mildly disappointing. (Robbe is extra adorable when he’s both dwarfed and flustered.)

“Sorry,” Sander says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “I didn’t think that there might not be anyone here. I should’ve texted you first.”

Adi just huffs and moves to open the door, shaking his head fondly. “Yeah, that would’ve been easier on your hands.” His own light-brown hand is slender and quick as he unlocks the door, movements as automatically familiar as Sander’s when he’s drawing.

They don’t speak even as they make it inside. Adi traipses around quietly to turn on lights and check up on everything, weaving between trucks, and Sander moves through to the back of the room to the piece he’s been working on. He throws his bag down and immediately crouches to examine his paint cans, eyes flickering between them and his work as he debates where to pick up again. Adi joins him after a moment, but still hangs back, leaning against the wall behind Sander silently.

Sander thinks this is probably why Adi might actually be his best friend, because he has known Adi even longer than his group from the Academy and Adi understands him just as well as Lucas.

“I fucked up,” Sander says eventually, so quietly he’s unsure if Adi hears him over the spray of the can. He’s ready to repeat himself in the responding silence, but then Adi is standing at his side.

Adi tilts his head. “Not with Robbe.”

“No,” Sander agrees, and finds some relief in it. At least it isn’t Robbe.

“Another friend?”

“School.”

“Oh. Bad?”

Sander lets his hand fall to his side and sighs. Adi is calm and curious but not comforting, nothing more than a steady presence next to him. It allows Sander to reorder his thoughts into something he can actually articulate. “No, it’s not even a problem, really. I just made a mistake and it’s pissing me off.”

“But it’s not a disaster?” Adi tilts his head further.

“Probably not.” When Adi only continues to stand and look, he heaves another sigh. “I mixed up the dates for two assignments and submitted the wrong one today, meaning I missed the actual deadline for the other. But he’s just giving me that time as an extension, because apparently I’m a good student. Can you fucking believe that?”

Adi’s lips finally quirk, his amusement returning at Sander’s incredulous, exasperated exclamation. “No, I can’t, actually. But then again you’re kinda art obsessed, so maybe.”

This time Sander blows out a breath that can’t really be considered a sigh, with the farting noise that accidentally accompanies it. He wipes a hand over his mouth as if it will erase the sound while Adi barks a laugh.

“So you’re just pissed because your brain did you dirty,” Adi summarises.

Sander grimaces, but nods. “And wondering how it’s taken this long for me to fuck up like that.”

“Maybe because you’re not a fuck-up.” Adi raises a brow pointedly, but Sander simply waves him off. The sentiment is kind, but it doesn’t change the fact that he fucked up. Then Adi adds, “And anyone can get their wires crossed like that. You’re not that unique.”

It draws a snort out of Sander against his will. It doesn’t matter that he knows what Adi is really trying to say, hears the reassurance and reminder tucked within the words; the blatant dry tone it comes out in startles him enough to set it off. Adi’s forming grin doesn’t match it and makes it easier for Sander to see through him, but he’ll let him away with it this once.

He knocks his paint can against Adi’s shoulder. “Thanks.” It’s much more clearly genuine than Adi had been, and more than Sander expected himself to give, but he does feel better and he appreciates it. It doesn’t matter that ‘thanks’ is as difficult as ‘sorry’; that just means Adi will know he means it.

Sander is sure of it when Adi simply nods in response, turning to examine Sander’s artwork rather than put pressure on him to figure out his expression. He watches on as Sander gets back to work, and eventually shifts to lean back against the wall. “Things are good with Robbe, then?”

“Yeah, always.” Sander smiles, unbidden, at the simple mention. He doesn’t feel the need to be embarrassed about it, even when Adi huffs.

“It’s your birthday tomorrow,” he notes, and Sander pauses. “Any special plans?”

Sander stays still for a moment, and then shrugs, putting his arm into motion again. He hasn’t thought about it. He might have been avoiding thinking about it. “Unless it’s a surprise. I know I’ll see Robbe, but that’s it. I do that everyday.”

“You not hanging out with all of them? What about Gilles and his gang, and Lucas and whoever?”

Sander’s mouth twitches, but he quickly schools it away. “I’ll see the guys at uni and maybe Lucas if we go to the flat or I pick Robbe up at school.”

He can just see Adi in his peripheral, and catches his thoughtful nod and careful bite of the lip. “Right, right. You ever planning on bringing him here again?”

“Robbe?” Sander asks, just to be a little shit.

“Fuck, no. I love him, I do, but he’s hardly an artist. Nah, Lucas.”

Sander brings Lucas at least twice a month, and Adi knows it. “They’re all busy with school. Final year and all that.”

“Yeah, but he’s applying to the Academy right? So, technically, this is like studying.”

“Do you want to see Lucas again, Adi?” Sander asks, mustering as much mock-astonishment into his tone as he can.

He receives a scoff for his efforts. “You know it’s not like that, you fucking asshole.”

“Good, because you know, he has a boyfriend, Adi.”

“Who happens to be Robbe’s best friend and your kind-of friend, yeah, yeah, I know. I also happen to be straight, dickhead.” He cocks his head at Sander and his lips slip into a smirk. “While you also have a boyfriend, and you’re whipped as hell for him, and yet look who you still came running to to kiss your boo-boos.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sander says this time, tossing the now-empty spray can at him. Adi dodges with a startled noise followed by his low, booming laughter, and Sander just shakes his head and marvels at his quiet mind.

~^~

previous/next

[fizziefizzco]

A to Z of LynnCove: B is for Birthday

Cove’s first birthday in Sunset Bird is not going as well as he expected... ok its going horrible, but thankfully Lynn is there to the rescue (Feelings are Crush and Direct)

[ low-key this is me counting down to @gb-patch’s release of the Step 3 dlc, but also kinda beyond that because why not] 

---------------------------------------------------

If he was entirely honest about it, Cove didn’t really expect anyone from school to show up to his birthday party. He didn’t have any friends in class and only gave out invitations to everyone because his dad made them. No, what really made this the worst birthday ever was that his dad had forgotten. Yes! Forgotten the party that HE was going to set up. If anyone HAD shown up, they would’ve been in for a terrible surprise. Mr. Holden was even super busy that week, and had forgotten all about his fatherly duties.

So when cove left his room that morning, not expecting much but still hopeful, he was met with disappointment and an empty house. His father had left a note and breakfast on the stove that he had to run in to work for an emergency - with no indication that he knew it was his son’s birthday. Cove honestly wanted to cry right away; and the feelings began to well up inside of him as he grabbed a plate and sat down to eat breakfast. Cold eggs and bacon. Happy birthday to him.

[rest under the cut] 

Meanwhile at the Cho house, or rather a few hours earlier ... Pamela Cho came downstairs to a frantic answering machine message from Cliff Holden that he needed to go somewhere for the day due to an emergency at work. When she tried calling back to get an explanation, Mr. Holden wasn’t picking up his phone. Hrm. Well it wasn’t an inconvenience for them to take care of Cove that day - her and her wife’s youngest child seemed to love him in a rather innocent way. Their older daughter was indifferent to him. 

As though she’d called their name, little footsteps came bounding down the stairs as she set the phone back in it’s place. Pamela, or Mom, as her kids called her, was a morning person - and thankfully so was Lynn, her youngest. Her wife Noelani, and oldest child Lizzie, were both the kind to sleep in late. So it was just Pamela and Lynn at the moment. 

“Good Morning Mom!” Lynn called out as they hopped over to where one of their mothers was. Pamela smiled and let out a small chuckle, 

“What’s got you all excited this morning?” She asked, reaching out to ruffle the mess of dark waves that Lynn had. Lynn didn’t move away from their mom, and relished in the comforting gesture. 

“It’s Cove’s birthday!! His dad sent out invitations for a party, I helped cove hand them out to the whoooole class!” Pamela smiled 

“That’s - “ She cut herself off, eyes going wide in dawning horror. “You said ... TODAY is Cove’s birthday?” and when Lynn nodded back with confusion, Pamela made a b-line to where her keys were. 

“Baby go wake up your Mommy, okay?” Pam called out, turning to grab hold of her child’s shoulders. 

“What’s wrong mom?” Lynn asked. 

“Mr. Holden just called me that he had to leave for an emergency for work. Looks like there won’t be a party today.” Pamela spoke as she slid her shoes on, Lynn let out a small gasp. 

“That mean’s Cove is all alone on his birthday!” They exclaimed. 

“Exactly. Now go wake up your Mommy, I’ll bring Cove over here.” Pamela opened the door as Lynn ran up the stairs to go wake Noelani up.

Cove was taken by surprise when his front door opened. A tiny part of him wanted it to be his dad, and say ‘surprise buddy! I didn’t forget about your birthday!’ but there was no such thing. Instead, one of Lynn’s moms was at the door - a sympathetic look in her eyes. 

“Hey Cove.” She spoke, walking over to where he was sitting at the counter island. “I got a call from your dad that he had an emergency. Thought I’d come pick you up to spend the day with us.” Cove looked away from her and back down to his breakfast that he’d barely touched. “Come on, we’ll take you out for breakfast since we know it’s your birthday.” His eyes widened as he heard those words. 

“Y- you know it’s my birthday?” Cove questioned in a tiny voice “I thought that everyone forgot.” Pamela’s heart broke for the poor kid. 

“No way. Lynn was practically off the walls with excitement this morning. Your dad too, told us to make it a good day for you in his message.” Pamela never really lied, but this time it was needed - as the kid already had a hard enough time with his father. Cliff deserved this much. Cove nodded and moved to hop off the chair that he was in. His bright pink cast still on his arm, only a month or so until he’d get it off. Pamela helped him wash and put away all of the leftovers and pots/pans. She was the neat freak between her and noelani, but it seemed that Cove didn’t mind it and was just following along. 

As soon as the two of them got back over to the Cho house, they were greeted with quite a surprise. A few balloons, a banner, and some streamers were decorating the main living area. Lizzie and Lynn both popped confetti-poppers and Lynn shouted “surprise!” as the pair of them came through the door. Cove entered with a visible look of surprise on his face, though that soon was supplemented by a bright blush when he noticed Lynn’s bright expression. 

“Noelani!” Pamela exclaimed, “How did you put this all together so quickly?” Noelani shook her head, her sprawling curls bouncing as she moved. 

“Not my idea.” Noelani spoke between yawns , “Lynn was like a tornado. I trust you’ll give me a real explanation.” When Pam smiled at her and nodded, she nodded as well. 

“Iranalloverthehousetogetallthisstuffforyou!Itsallmostlymyoldbirthdaystuffandsomeoflizziesbutwedon’tmindoratleastIdontmind!Imsogladyourehereicantwaittocelebratewithyou!” Lynn’s voice went a mile a minute, making Cove’s (and their mom’s) head spin. 

“Thank you lynn.” Cove spoke softly, cutting off anything else that Lynn was going to spew out. Lynn just kept quite and smiled brightly at him. 

“Since Lynn looks already dressed, how about the three of us change and we’ll all go out to take Cove for birthday breakfast?” Pamela offered, to which Lizzie and Lynn nodded vigorously. Noelani offered a smile and was the first one to head up the stairs.

“Do you think we can go to that pancake place that has the confetti pancakes?” Lizzie asked, looking hopefully at her Mom. 

“If that’s what Cove wants for breakfast, then sure.” Pamela answered. When the eyes turned back to him, Cove nodded with the smallest of smiles. 

“I like pancakes.” He spoke simply, and with a cheer from Lizzie - Pamela and Lizzie both headed to get changed. The two people left in the living area were Lynn and Cove. 

“Happy birthday Cove.” Lynn spoke with a smile. For some reason that he wasn’t sure of, it made him feel a lot better , their well-wishes. He didn’t quite know what to say but- 

“Thank you Lynn.” A blush creeped across his face as he followed Lynn to the couch, the two of them hopping up to wait for the others. 

“I got you a birthday gift, but you’ll have to wait before we get back. Mommy said I couldn’t bring it with us to breakfast.” Cove nodded and the two of them talked quietly about this or that , mostly breakfast preferences, until the full family was ready to head out and go get breakfast. 

Breakfast went well enough. Cove got birthday pancakes, but really really didn’t want the waiters to sing to him - which was perfectly fine for the family (ok well lizzie wanted to hear the song, but her protests were shot down). After they returned to the house, Lynn’s moms went to go have an ‘adult talk’ and Lizzie ran off to her own room, leaving Cove and Lynn alone once again. 

“Oooh!” Lynn exclaimed as they ran up the stairs ,with Cove following slowly behind them. “I can’t wait to give the gift to you. I worked really hard to find the best thing. Ok, things, to give you!” Cove could feel the excitement radiate off of Lynn, and despite how sad he still felt, was smiling a little at the thoughtfulness of the day so far. He followed close behind, and all the way to Lynn’s room - which was much neater compared to his bedroom at home.

He sat down on Lynn’s bed at their request, and watched as Lynn grabbed a medium-sized box from their closet. It was all nicely wrapped up, with a bow and everything. He marveled at it in awe as Lynn set it down next to him.

“Go ahead!” They motioned to the package. “Open it!” Cove rather expertly tore through the wrapping paper, and the ribbons, to get to the present inside. 

It was a box of various things. There was a  small box that held a bracelet similar to the one Lynn always wore, a dolphin keychain, a stuffed monkey with sunglasses and surfboard, and another small box that took up half of the medium-sized one. As Cove took that box out, he felt that there was something important in this one. Maybe it wasn’t literal gold, or diamonds, but he got the feeling that it was important either way. 

In the smaller box was a set of various scavenged objects: shells and sea-glass mostly, that were all gathered from the beach that laid just down at the end of the street. It was all so good, Cove thought to himself. But then he realized something. Lynn’s special sea-finds box was gone. That meant... 

“Lynn I-” He started, but Lynn cut Cove off before he could say anything. 

“I want you to have this. It's got lots of good stuff.” Lynn’s smile was wide and brilliant as they motioned for him to keep the box. 

“but it’s your-” 

“I can get more. It will be much more fun to gather with you now.” With those words from Lynn, Cove let the matter rest. He looked back down at the box and smiled, more to himself than to anyone else. He still felt really bad about his dad forgetting his birthday, but Lynn was there to make him feel better. She set up a surprise and got him the best gift ever. There was no way that he could ever thank her properly. 

“Thank you Lynn.” That would have to do for now, but Cove would spend the rest of his life thanking them for always being there for him, for always waiting for him, and for being right by his side whenever he needed them. Lynn never had to do any of the things they did for him, but they did so willingly and without question. So, for that, it was a great first birthday in Sunset Bird. 

[ if you’re wondering; Cove’s dad felt really awful about the whole thing and managed to get his son a great gift... which was why he’d been super busy lately. He’d wanted to get his son a fishtank and supplies. Noelani and Pamela gave him an earful though.. ]