#and then after cruz pulls back--which makes it better to me

[alotofpockets]

Last resort | Leslie Shay

Pairing: Leslie Shay x Firefighter!Reader Reader pronouns used: she/her Summary: Chief Boden orders everyone to evacuate the building, will you follow his orders when you hear a baby crying? Masterlist | Chicago Fire masterlist | Words: 2.1K

It had been a quiet day at 51, you were playing cards with the rest of squad 3 when the alarms went off, signaling all units to move to an apartment fire. You jumped up and ran to the truck, kicking your shoes off and stepping into your boots. You pulled the pants up, the suspenders over your shoulders, and hopped in your seat. Squad was the first to pull out of the firehouse. Severide taps away on his tablet, “Okay, squad, listen up. The fire is fully evolved. We’ll be the first company on scene, let’s work quickly. When we’re on scene we have to move fast. Let’s wait on Bodens orders, y/l/n you’re with Cruz, Tony with Capp, and Mills you’re with me. Do you copy?” You all let him know that you copy him and mentally prepare for the call you’re about to have.

When you arrive at the scene you can immediately tell that it’s bad. “Alright, people, let’s go to work.” Boden says over the radio. “Truck 81,  primary search on the first floor, Squad 3 you take the second and third. Engine, I want a line on the first floor and raise the aerial in case it’s needed. Ambulance 61, set up triage. Let’s go, people.” You look to Kelly to hear which floor you have to go to. “Cruz, y/l/n, second floor. The rest with me to the third.”

Once arrived on the second floor, you and Cruz go door to door. The fire has already reached this floor too, so you have to kick in all the doors to check for people that might’ve passed out from the smoke. Cruz takes the north wall and you take the south of the massive hallway. You kick in another door and yell, “Fire department, call out.” Into the room. You hear a man call out, “Over here.” They hid in the bathroom. You help them stand up and walk them back to the stairwell. They seemed to be doing fine, so you urged them to walk down by themselves, making sure to tell them to get checked out at triage. When you walk back you see Cruz helped an elderly woman to the stairs as well. “Need a hand?” You ask. He shakes his hand, “No, keep going, I’ve got this one.” So, you do, door after door, you search the room. A lot of the apartments are empty already, people that weren’t home or that walked downstairs at the first sign of something wrong, you were glad there weren’t a lot of people because the smoke started to get thicker and the flames bigger. Cruz was already back kicking in doors as well, when you heard Boden’s voice over the radio. “Attention all units, five more minutes and then I want everybody out.” You look over at the many doors you have yet to check and speed up your pace. 

It hadn’t even been five minutes yet when the next order came over the radio. “Attention all units, I’m calling it. Everybody out!” You hate leaving all these rooms unchecked, but you knew that Boden was right, the fire was strong. You followed Cruz towards the stairs when you heard a faint cry that stopped you in your tracks. When you heard it again, it sounded like a little kid. You had to make a decision, follow orders, or try to save the child. Against your better judgment you turn around and take off in the direction of the cries, leaving Cruz behind. The crying gets louder the further that you walk down the hallway, meaning that you are getting closer.

Cruz walks out the door and takes his mask off to take a deep breath. He sees the rest of 51  standing behind Boden, all looking in his direction. Boden is quick to speak up, “Cruz, where is y/l/n?” Cruz looks around thinking you were right behind him this whole time. “She was right behind me.” He says in disbelief, already putting his mask back on. “Cruz, stand down. I can’t let anyone back in.” He reaches for his radio. “Y/l/n, report. I want you out of this building, right now.” You hear his request on the radio, but ignore it as you’re kicking in the door that you hear the crying coming from. The fire has already made it through the ceiling of the living room, you crouch down making your way over to the crying. When you reach an open bedroom door you find the crying baby. He was lying in the arms of a woman laying on the floor. You quickly check for a pulse, you’re relieved when you feel a regular heartbeat, she must have passed out from all the smoke that was filling the room. “Y/l/n, report.” You hear over the radio again, worry now present in his voice. You don’t have time to respond as you hear a voice coming from underneath the bed. “Is mommy okay?” You look under and find a girl who can’t be more than three years old. Your heart sinks, how were you going to get all three of them out, with the fire getting stronger and stronger. Setting aside your worries, you pull her out from under the bed. “Mommy is okay, the smoke just made her really sleepy, that’s all.” You take the young girl by the hand and pick up the baby, to move them to the bathroom where you’d all have some more room to breathe. “I’m going to get your mommy now. I will be right back, I promise.” You sit down next to the mom, feeling her pulse once again. Still a steady heartbeat. You reach for your radio. “Chief.” You take a deep breath before speaking again. “Chief, is Leslie with you?” Chief Boden ushers Shay closer. “She’s standing next to me. What's going on?” Shay shares a worried look with him. “Leslie, baby, are you there?” You hear her respond with a shaky voice. “Yes, the line is open, you’re scaring me, what’s going on?” - “I love you so much, but I have to try. I just wanted to let you know that I love you, in case I..” She interrupts you, “Don’t say it, you come back to me okay. I love you, please come back to me.” It breaks your heart to hear her like this. “I’ll try my best, I promise.”

You grab the bedsheet and drag the mom towards the bathroom where you left the kids. Once inside you take off your mask. The little girl is crying, you take off your glove and wipe away the tears. “I know it’s scary, but I’m here to help. My name is y/n, what about you?” Between sobs she tells you that her name is Mila. “Okay, Mila, let’s get you all out of here.” You take off your oxygen tank and your coat, before you turn the water on in the bath, drowning the bedsheets. “Mila, honey, come here. I’m going to wrap this around you, okay? And then I want you to climb on my back.” The girl nods. You were trying to create some sort of carrier with the sheet that would hold both Mila and her little brother, so that your hands were free for their mom.” Once you had Mila attached to your back, you picked up the baby and wrapped him to your front. “I’m going to put my coat back over you okay, I want you to be very still and hold on to me, okay honey?” You button up the coat so that both the kids are safe from the fire. With the remaining part of the bedding you wrap up the mom’s body, making sure that she has some kind of protection from the flames before you pick her up and take one last breath of oxygen from your mask, since you had to leave it behind. 

The fire had spread through more parts of the apartment, but there was no going back now. You went around as much fire as possible and jumped through the ones you couldn’t go around. To your surprise you made it to the stairs. You hold the mom close as you decent, quick but careful. The smoke was really starting to get to you, but you couldn’t stop, you made a promise to Mila and you intend on keeping it. 

Outside the team was watching the building, hoping and praying that you would walk out of the door. They didn’t believe their eyes when they saw you exit the building, everyone running your way. Kelly takes the woman out of your arms and lays her down on the stretcher from one of the paramedics. You fall to your knees from coughing so much. Leslie sits down with you trying to calm down your breathing, while Cruz tries to help you up, but you push him off. Between coughs you manage to say, “The kids.” - “We can’t go back in, y/l/n. It’s too dangerous.” You shake your head and open your coat, revealing the improvised baby carrier. You shake off your coat to reveal a second child. Once your teammates take the kids from you to get checked out. Dawson is by your side with an oxygen mask, you eagerly put it over your face and take some deep breaths. “You scared me so much, please never do that again.” Leslie says hugging you tight. 

Chief Boden steps your way. “You did good, y/l/n.” He says. “Get yourself checked out at the hospital, you took in a lot of smoke.” You nod in agreement. Dawson steps up to Boden, “Can Shay and I take her? I know Shay won’t want to leave her side right now.” Boden agrees to let them take you and will let dispatch know that ambulance 61 is out of order for the time being. 

The doctors do some tests, they all go well and you are cleared to start duty right away. Dawson drives the ambulance back to the firehouse where your teammates gather as soon as they hear you pull up. You step out of the back with Leslie, as soon as they see you they’re all relieved to see you’re doing so well. “I’m all good, don’t worry guys.” You walk up to the Chief. “I got cleared for duty, Sir. I did have to leave some of my gear behind, though.” Boden nods, “We’ve got some spare tanks and masks, don’t worry about it. Glad to have you back.” Once Boden walks away you turn your attention back to the team, they all give you a hug or pat on the back. Luckily the rest of the day was slow, just a couple small calls, so you were able to catch your breath a bit more. 

After a night of uninterrupted sleep, you join the team for breakfast. Mills cooked, and it was delicious as always. Boden ordered an inventory check on all the vehicles, so that’s where you headed next. You were crouched down checking equipment when you heard people walking outside. “Mommy, I see her!” You turn around at the familiar voice. Mila comes running up to you and jumps into your arms. “Hi Mila.” You hug her tight, seeing them here meant so much. Since another ambulance company treated them, you didn’t know how they were doing. Mila lets go after a while remembering something. “We made you cookies.” You smile at the little girl, you had only seen her scared on the scene, which made seeing her so cheerful now even more happy. She pulls you over to her mom who was talking with Leslie and Chief Boden. “Hi, I’m y/n, nice to meet you.” You say extending your hand. Instead of shaking your hand she goes in for a hug. “I’m sorry.” She says while stepping back. “Shaking your hand didn’t seem enough, you saved my life.” She looks down at her kids and adds, “Their lives. I owe you everything.” You smile at her, “No need to apologize, and of course, I was just doing my job.” The woman shakes her head, “Everyone that I have talked to has said that you went above and beyond for us. So, thank you. Thank you so much.” Hearing back from the people that you saved was so special. Knowing that you’re the reason they are able to stand right in front of you. “Do you have some time to stick around? I would love to show Mila the trucks, if she’d like.” Mila was already nodding her head enthusiastically, “Please, Mommy.” 

Your girlfriend was watching you in awe as you posed for pictures with Mila on your lap behind the steering wheel of the Squad truck. While Chief Boden was proudly watching you interact with the family that you saved. 

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[levok]

Patiently waiting for Omar's summertalk translation by our kind Swedish speaking friends 🧘🏻‍♀️

Let me google translate it for you <3 - after the jump (I havent read it through for errors)

There is a before and an after.

Before….then I had a music career. First as a member of Scandinavia's biggest boy band and then as a solo artist.

…I was on my way.

Since…. apparently some idiot in Wuhan ate a bat and I ended up behind.

The pandemic.

Everything was closed and turned off.

There were no studios to go to. No offices to have meetings. It was like that for everyone, but then and there it felt like it was mostly for me. It sucked.

I had no job, no one needed me, no one wanted to see me. I got depressed, everything was just shit.

Lying paralyzed at home in the rickety apartment in Barkarby where I was staying with a friend. I slept in a mini bed, we had no living room, no comfortable chair to sit on and it was quite dirty.

What choices did I have?

I could start studying at the high school.

Or I could smear myself in dog food and throw myself in with the pit bull terriers, that sounded better.

Not a chance I'm going back to school-hell.

Then, through my friend Felicia, who is an actress, I heard about a casting for a new TV series. It was a crime series created for Viaplay, "Lyckoviken".

Now that the music career was over, maybe I should invest in becoming an actress? The role was made for me. A singing guy with a guitar, foreign accent, around 21 years old. It's me. Except for the guitar, but I could learn some chords and try to look like I'm good as shit.

Now everything would turn around.

After the casting, Felicia and I got to audition one more time because they liked us. They liked me.

Then I just waited for them to call from the production and say that I would play one of the main roles in the series "Lyckoviken".

At first they didn't call.

But then…. they didn't call either.

The only text I received during these gray days was from my friend with whom I lived.

It said: "I'm breaking up with you as a friend."

What the fuck? Most unclear. I have to move out of here, what the hell is going on?!

But the role, it was mine... until Felicia called and said that someone else would play me, or I mean play the role that I wanted.

I cried.

I cried when I called my mother in Spain.

I cried when she answered.

"Mother my life is over. I'm 22 and it's all over. I can't handle anything, I don't get anything."

Mom gets sad. But she doesn't show it. She has taken me from Venezuela to Sweden. She has done everything for me and for me to succeed in my dream, my artist career. She has fought for me to succeed in what she herself once dreamed of but could not realize.

She says, in Spanish: “Omarcito. Now I want you to stop crying. Take a shower, fix your hair, put on your best outfit and hit the town and show the world your face. You are going to make this day the greatest. You should feel your best, look good and meet your best friends. Don't hide at home. If life hits you, get back up and show life your face.”

"Sal y muestra tu cara a la vida."

Go out and show life your face….

Yes, mother. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

MUSIC: Azul – Cristian Castro

Mother,

I don't remember my first years, surely no one does. But you have told us about our time together. About dad, who drank. Quite often he was scary and dangerous. That he used to kidnap me sometimes and no one knew where he took me. We lived in a baby blue house in a beautiful town called Puerto La Cruz. It is located on the coast, right on the Caribbean with lots of white beaches in Venezuela.

One day we came home and dad had pulled. He took everything with him. He must have had help, because the only thing left was a mattress, a painting depicting you mother, and my gold necklace, which was probably dropped on the floor on the way out. That was all that was left. And so I, as luck would have it.

Dad never came back, but the family on your side was there, especially grandma. The women in the family always showed up after the men left. There are some men who have actually been good in my family, a few. But women have always been strong. Time after time, they have lost everything, and then they have struggled and organized and worked to make sure that the children and the family have a good life and a roof over their heads.

I remember Grandma, and I've missed her ever since she passed away. She turned 50, it was cancer.

Grandma was the worst fashionista. Always makeup, head to toe beautiful, always high heels.

Mom says grandma couldn't walk without heels, then her feet hurt. Grandma and her husband were self-employed. They had a guard company and access to weapons. Grandma knew exactly how to use them.

You stood there in the ruins of your life mom, but grandma helped you get back on your feet, and me.

Then you had to fight to make our lives work. You worked long hours, and luckily we met a girl, Rosita. Her family came from the high mountains, where the poorer families live.

She became the daughter that you, mother, never had. She moved in with us and took care of me while you were away. I liked her so much, we used to steal mangoes from the neighbor and eat them with lots of adobo. It is a salt seasoning.

While you were trying to put our life back together, Dad put our house up for sale. He totally messed with us, messed with you living in the house with his and your child. We didn't even know about it.

One day grandma drove us home, and the house was locked with a big padlock. We saw some women moving inside our house, they were cleaning. Grandma took out the gun, aimed at the lock and shot it to pieces. Weapons drawn, she entered, the women threw their hands in the air and shouted that they knew nothing. Then they ran away, across the asphalt, without even taking their shoes with them.

It became a fucking war with lawyers. In the end we actually got to stay.

(Short break)

Cut to - we had a good time. I had my own bed. A separate room filled with lots of toys.

We even had a dog.

But life must have been so hard for you mom.

I understand that. I see it, and I hear it, and I believe you, mother you must believe me - for me it was a wonderful time, perhaps the best of my life.

I was so loved. You, great-grandmother and all her children, my uncles and aunts, cousins ​​and the whole family. You loved me. I loved you.

In grandma's big red house we had family dinners and parties. Grandma had her own animals that roamed freely everywhere. Turtles, two swans who were very dangerous though and always chased me and my cousin Ahimee when we were out playing.

We also mustn't forget Grandma's pet monkey, Panchito. Everyone hated that monkey, it was a pig to a monkey, it threw mangoes at us and peed on the food. Grandma protected the monkey with her life and would beat whoever tried to harm the monkey.

Grandma loved to sing and dance, just like everyone else in the family, but she was a fucking superstar.

And maybe she put a ray of her talent in me.

Someone lifted me onto the table and shouted: "Cheer for the artist Omarcito!" I sang, threw off my diaper and danced. You think I'm drifting but it's actually true. Someday you might get to see pictures.

I felt so good in Venezuela, was the happiest kid in the world.

My childhood was a web, a pattern of love, light, music and warmth.

But in my life there are also other patterns.

I had a crappy dad. Dad had a crappy dad. Mom had a crappy dad.. Grandma had a crappy dad. Great grandma had a crap dad.

Listen, mom, that's enough! I promise I'll be the first to break the pattern.

MUSIC: A Puro Dolor – Son by Four

I have a few memories from when I first came to Sweden.

Everything is like blurry fragments, or puzzle pieces that my brain can't quite put together into a complete picture.

When we land, it's summer, and it feels like...nothing at all. It's a beautiful summer day, not as hot as at home but still quite nice.

And there he stands, Tomas.

He stands there and receives us.

To me it is unclear who he is, he is just Tomas. A new friend.

He had visited us in Venezuela a couple of months before so that we could get to know him and he would get to know mother, me and the whole family. He was liked by all.

Now I get to see his car, a red Volvo. I'm not that impressed with the car, but it's red, it's nice.

We get into the car. I get in the back seat and fall asleep, my memory goes out there.

When I wake up, I'm lying on a sofa bed in an apartment. It feels like I slept for three days. Or some puzzle pieces are missing. But this is where we will live now, in this apartment, in this city called Karlstad.

Mom and Thomas lean over me, they hold a giant stuffed snake over my face and I start laughing. They are so quirky. That snake is mine now. Love that it's like three times as tall as me.

Now the fragments come a little closer.

Over time I realized that mother and Tomas were in love. They hugged and laughed a lot together. Tomas started to become a bit like a father figure to me. It was a bit hard to take in because I hadn't grown up with a father, and not being able to talk and understand him didn't make it any easier at first. But I felt safe with Tomas. He was funny, kind and he made up funny things with us. He was there every day, it was something new for me. Something I would get used to.

After only a month from the time we landed in Sweden, there was a wedding. I had to help mom choose a wedding dress. We both agreed it would be a white dress. I specifically wanted her to have a little crown in her hair, like Disney princesses have. That's exactly how it happened.

It was a nice summer day. The wedding was outdoors, at Toma's mother's house. She had the most beautiful plot I have ever seen. There was the scent of flowers everywhere you went. Mom and I loved their plot and I couldn't stop adventuring.

At the wedding I was allowed to eat as many strawberries as I wanted. I have never eaten as many strawberries as I did that day. They were so red and juicy. After a while I was the only one who looked like a little drunk, shirt unbuttoned and soaked, dirty pants, messy face and hair a mess. Then out of nowhere, torrential rain.

There was panic, people tried to save the food and cake, mother's white dress got dirty and stuck to her body. The grass was super slippery and people were slipping around. It just got crazy. Then we stood under the balcony roof for the rest of the wedding.

It was still a nice day as I remember it.

Hope the bride and groom also feel the same way as I do.

All in all it was a nice time.

My first month in Sweden.

MUSIC: Mama – Omar Rudberg

When I was little, I had a lot of fantasies. I made movies in my head. I pretended to be every superhero I had just seen on film and I fought bad guys.

 I loved dinosaurs. When I didn't have toys, I played with my hands. I made a dinosaur with one hand and another with the other.

Then it just sounded….pshoo…chee….they were fighting. They have the hell of a fight. One flies into the rock wall, others fall and get stuck with their teeth in the ground.

It was at such a weird level that Tomas thought they should take me to a child psychologist, just check me out to be safe.

Mom was stressed. She wanted me to be a healthy kid. But to be absolutely sure that I was really healthy, they sent me to a child psychologist. She had lots of nice toys. We hung out for an hour or so and we became very good friends. I don't know how we talked, maybe she knew Spanish, but we clicked. Then mother came, she was very worried.

The psychologist said: "You must never laugh at or play with Omar's fantasies, because he is a healthy kid. He is a child, let him be and let him live in his little world, because he will be happy and well.”

So there was nothing wrong with me.

And honestly, I needed my fantasies, because the first time here was alone.

We wanted to become Swedish citizens, but I wasn't allowed to start school. Officially, we were here as tourists and did not yet have a residence permit.

I missed over a year of school.

So it was pretty much mom and me.

Tomas worked every day.

If we had gone to a foreign country on the other side of the world, just mom and me, then you have to stick together. And we did.

We went out every day on discovery trips to get to know Sweden and Karlstad.

It was summer but the weather wasn't as hot as at home, but it was still chill.

Something that mom and I noticed was how calm and quiet it was in Karlstad compared to where we came from. Not a lot of traffic, no honking cars, no loud music anywhere, no one standing and shouting at each other in the middle of people. Yes, it was much quieter here. It felt safer for both me and mother, but often it also got a bit boring.

One day I got a dragon, a green dragon. It had dragon wings and a dragon face. I had never had a kite before.

Outside the apartment was a tall grass hill.

I went all the way up and tried to get my kite to take off. In front of the hill there was a kindergarten, and a great many children were playing there. I remember the feeling so strongly, I watched them and really wanted to be there. But I was not part of their world.

It was difficult to get the dragon up. Sometimes it flew a few meters but then it crashed.

If I ran fast, it went better. Downstairs from the kindergarten, I used to hear the other children being called in for snack, but I ran on the hill.

It did nothing.

I was alone, but it didn't matter. I understood that my time had not come yet, but maybe soon? There will surely come a day when the kindergarten teacher will call: "Omar, you have to come in now, isn't it?" And I would say: "My name is actually Omaar!"

In Venezuela I had also attended kindergarten. There you start learning things early. Learned to spell and write when I was about three years old. And I had a lot of friends. There was even a girl that I had a crush on. So I knew that I am also someone who can be someone's friend.

And now we also had the psychologist, what did she say? "Omar is a healthy kid."

The wind caught hold of the kite, and suddenly it took off. Loud, fucking loud. It jerked a little to the sides and tried to tear itself away. But I held the string, and it was I who steered the kite, however it danced with the winds. On a grassy hill in Karlstad, I was in charge.

Omarcito, a kid with a lot of imagination. Who tames dragons.

MUSIC: Te Quiero - Barney

I learned Swedish quickly. Absorbed in me the language without doubt. I began to notice that my mother often asked me, "What does this mean?" What does this email say?” or "Can you help me write a text message?"

Tomas only spoke Swedish to me. And with mother, for her to learn.

I started to think it was cool with Swedish.

It became so cool that I stopped speaking Spanish with my mother.

She didn't like it, not at all. One day everything turned around, she exploded.

“We are from Venezuela and our language is Spanish!”

"From now on, I won't understand if you speak Swedish to me."

She stopped answering me when I addressed her in the wrong language. When I asked for water in Swedish, she just looked at me.

I got mad, she thought she was stupid. “Can you please stop?”

She absolutely did not stop.

“Yo no hablo sueco Omar. Check my hair. Check my face. I'm not from here”.

It was her way of keeping me close to our roots. She was afraid that I would forget the language and lose our common origin, and perhaps even more our common background. She didn't want to lose me. She didn't want me to lose myself.

We were in Sweden but we were something other than Swedes. I soon understood that, not only from mother but from everywhere.

Here I was different. I didn't know the language, my hair was curly, I had a different style and I was fat brown. As a child I was very brown.

So even though I was scolded by my mother for becoming too Swedish, I was not Swedish among Swedes. But when we went to visit relatives in Venezuela, I was suddenly Swedish.

In Venezuela, my cousins ​​did my mining. "Have you gone and become a gringo now or not? What the hell do you sound like? Gringo, gringooooo hahaha”, I kept hearing. Got teased for losing the Venezuelan way of being quick in the mouth.

So now I became sensitive and easy to push down.

Went crying to mom several times.

“They say I'm a gringo. I was born here.”

"But what's the problem, you like to speak Swedish." Then get on with it,” she said.

I didn't place anywhere. Now I was the dragon and no one was holding the string.

MUSIC: Amparito – Maracaibo 15

Maybe it was because I didn't place anywhere that I started taking places?

I was an outsider, but I didn't hide.

I sang and danced and at the age of ten I started performing and competing in talent contests.

Mother was a dance teacher and had started her own business. She had great dance classes.

She herself had had dreams of becoming an artist, but above all an actor when she was younger.

I got to join her classes and dance with her and all her students. Helped choreograph and cleaned up both before and after her classes.

I became very good friends with a group of girls in one of her dance classes. They were a group the same age as me.

Mom coached me. Helped me choreograph light dance steps and with staging that I would run on stage.

She and Tomas used to drive me to the races. My goal was to be in Talang on TV4, never missed an episode.

And I actually dared to apply, I was accepted to take part in a selection when I was ten years old.

But after my first attempt at Talang in a shopping center somewhere in Sweden, I didn't make it. I had danced like Michael Jackson, was dressed like him, it was Billie Jean. They didn't choose me, but I was still happy, because afterwards the jury said I was good.

Mom knew how to top our act to make it better. She didn't give up. I would move on. She found out that the week after, Talang had an audition in Jönköping. This time I wasn't just going to dance. Now I would sing and dance. There was a lot of snow on the roads and I remember we were stressed and late.

Mom happened to drive the wrong way. We rode in a minivan and slid on the snow like ice skates.

But we make it just in time, mom asks them to please let me perform and do my audition. They say my name and the crowd cheers. The music starts.

It's Livin' La Vida Loca with Ricky Martin on top volume.

The audience screams.

I dance my way onto the stage, shake my shoulders, wiggle my hips and create chaos.

Walks off stage suffering from stomach cramps. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm lying on my mother's lap, it's probably the nerves and the tension.

But I have moved on. I'm going to be on TV, for the first time!

MUSIC: Livin' La Vida Loca – Ricky Martin

I went to a school in Åsa. Located about 40 minutes outside Gothenburg. The school consisted of only Swedish kids. Everyone would be the same, that was important.

But I lived in a bubble where sometimes I was a star, sometimes I fought villains. My imagination was as wild as ever.

Soon my performance in Talang would be broadcast on TV. My debut in front of the big audience. I proudly went up to the principal to ask for help with the marketing.

“Hello,” I said.

"Hello," she said, looking at me curiously.

"Well, on Friday I'll be in Talent on TV."

"Okay."

"Can't you say it over the speakers so the whole school can hear it?"

I was the only guy who did gay things like singing and dancing and thought it would be cool to get a shoutout from the principal. So fat.

"Absolutely," she said.

"Yes!"

"But then I think you should say it into the microphone yourself."

"Huh!"

Never in my entire life that I should stand there and everyone should hear me when I say I should be on TV.

I was constantly teased for the way I looked and for what I did, and I got comments all the time and some called me the n-word. Sorry but how sick is that? To use that word against any human being at all

Besides that, I'm not even black, but brown. I am Hispanic. But I guess I was the brownest thing they had seen in Åsa.

Interesting how children of that age have learned such words.

Guess it comes from home. Big side eye…

Anyway. The headmaster stood his ground.

"You're welcome to tell the school you're going to be on TV, but I won't."

"Well...I'll think about it"

I left there. Thought of everyone who would hear. The nines would hear my voice. The nines! So I was in the fourth grade and we were probably 200 students at that school.

I decided to screw it up, but then I regretted it.

I was still annoyed.

It couldn't get worse, rather only better because everyone knew they could see me on TV soon.

And because I got a shoutout from the principal.

I got up again later that day and said I was done thinking.

“I do it myself.”

"Good," said the headmaster.

"Then you press this button, then the microphone turns on and when I say NOW, then you can start talking."

I pressed the button and heard ding ding. Felt like it could be heard in all the classrooms, the dining hall, the gymnasium, the whole world would now stop what they were doing to listen to me. Felt my pulse increase. I kind of had heart palpitations.

"Now," said the headmaster.

“Hello, this is Omar. I'm in Talang on Friday. Everyone can turn on TV4 and watch it. Bye."

The principal smiled at me and looked happy.

"Thanks," I said and ran as fast as I could to my class. I was filled with adrenaline. I was so happy. Felt so cool.

When I enter the classroom, everyone looks at me.

“Did you hear?”

Everyone was so happy and thought it was so cool.

No one had ever been allowed to speak into the principal's microphone. This was big.

I had made it through, or maybe I would make it through.

In any case, it shouldn't get any worse now.

I hoped so anyway.

MUSIC: Happier – Omar Rudberg

The reactions in the school after Talang were great at first.

A short while.

But… it was quickly forgotten.

Left were the maids.

But I kept doing my thing, even though no one understood what I was doing.

I had to start going to a singing teacher, Marie Jakobsson. I developed quickly. With her I got to sing in a studio for the first time ever. With reverb and headphones. It was a sick feeling.

From her I learned that there was a man named Lasse who had talent contests.

There, at Lasse's competitions, they had discovered, among others, Eric Saade and Molly Sandén.

That's what I've been told anyway.

I was a big fan of Eric and knew all his songs.

I entered, and won, in the same year, all three of their biggest competitions.

It was big.

It went well now.

For a boy of 12 years.

One day our home phone rang and mom forced me to answer.

I hated answering the home phone.

I got so mad when I had to answer. I thought it was a disturbance.

Well, at least I got to answer this time too.

Mom stood and grinned.

Thomas too.

There was something strange in the air.

And then something completely insane happens.

"Hello."

“Well Omar! How's it going? It's Eric Saade calling.”

I'm going to be a Duracell bunny. Jumping around the whole house like an idiot. Jagr completely in shock. I turn questioningly towards mother, who is filming with a mobile phone, it is shaking because she is laughing so much. Looking at Thomas who is also about to fall over with laughter.

To Eric, who called, I don't say much. Maybe just: "hey...hey".

“I wonder if you want to perform with me. There is a gala on television called Kristallen.”

I probably didn't get many words out on the phone, but...

Then we stood there a while later. Dressed exactly the same, we performed together at the Crystal Gala in 2011.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me!

When I got back to school, everyone knew what had happened. It felt like it was the talk of the year.

People turned, stared, there was talk.

Everything was different. But not exactly better.

A guy who always argued with me came up and said:

“Have you been with that Eric. You know he's peddo right? Everyone says that.”

"You understand that he is a peddo and a gay. You are too, aren't you? Fucking gays.”

No, I didn't immediately become a poppie. The equation was very simple: The bigger the appearance, the scarier the school.

I came home crying a lot of times, and it got to the point where I wanted to stop singing. But it was too late now. I had gone outside the mold, pushed boundaries. There was absolutely no turning back, no way I could get them to accept me as one of them.

Mom supported me.

"Do you like to sing Omar?"

"But I don't want any more..."

“But do you LIKE to sing? Do you love to perform?”

“Yes… but…”

"Then we will continue to do what we love together!"

And the cow was right. Why would I give up what I loved, to fit in with those I really didn't love? And we had fought hard to get here, mother and I.

But everyday life was a pain. There were many that I was afraid of. Both boys and girls. Even got a smack here and there. In the end, I hated my school.

I started seventh grade and finally had to change schools, to a bigger school in Kungsbacka. And now I could start seventh grade as who I was, an artist, or at least a guy who liked to dance and sing.

But I still find it strange that I have to change schools, just because I wanted to be something. Isn't that why you go to school?

MUSIC: Diamonds - Rihanna

New school and new classmates. It started well. I got a reboot. No one would push me down. The only thing that was similar to my old school was all the looks, but the looks were different, more curious now. It felt like they knew who I was, though I didn't understand how.

Guess it was because of Talent and the Crystal, but I don't know.

I ended up in a music and art class where everyone had the same interests as me. Loved all my new friends and loved our music lessons.

Mom had filmed all my performances and put it all on Youtube. Thanks to her I was discovered.

A newly started record company from Stockholm contacted my parents. They wanted to start a boy band.

Cool. But unexpectedly.

I never thought I'd be in a boy band. I was always solo.

But a boy band was interesting, and I had already won all the competitions, so why not try?

I didn't say anything to anyone. I wanted to keep this to myself. I was tired of beautiful dreams at school being shot down by taunts and comments. Without telling anyone at school, I went to Stockholm. There I meet the other boys who will also be in the boy band. I was wearing some ugly sweater, purple cap, purple shoes. The boys must have thought I looked funny. They were Stockholm boys, blonde and tall. Fat sweet.

I was terrified. Hadn't really had such good experiences with guys in groups right away.

But I noticed pretty quickly that they were kind. There was something different about them. I thought they were cool. We got to dance together, and hang out all day. They were professional dancers so I struggled a bit but I learned quickly. Then I had to sing Justin Bieber's song "As Long as You Love Me" in a studio because the record company wanted to see if I could sing. It went well. But at school, no one knew what I was doing. Even when I was accepted and became a member of the boy band The Fooo, I didn't tell anyone.

MUSIC: Build a Girl – The Fooo

At school, there is talk of Justin Bieber coming to Sweden. It's his "Believe tour". He will have three fat gigs at the Avicii Arena. People are crazy tagged. Like all the girls at school are going to Stockholm to see Justin. I'm the one who was tagged the most. Secretly.

Concert week is here. Everyone is going to Stockholm. But I have to leave earlier. We're going to scratch and I've taken the day off from school.

"I'm leaving now, see you!", I say to my classmates.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the Justin Bieber concert?"

"Now?"

"Yes, I'll scratch with my band."

“What the hell are you talking about?”

"I'm Justin Bieber's band, we're going to be on stage."

People really thought I was joking. I understand them, I didn't believe it myself.

I can't put into words how sick this time was. It was unreasonable. This kind of thing doesn't happen?

We became the band The Fooo and were now to perform for the first time together as Justin Bieber's band. In Avicii Arena. Three nights in a row.

Nobody knew who we were, nobody knew we existed. No one had heard us, not even ourselves. Although we had scratched hard the days before on our dance and on our song

The fans scream, the whole arena shakes and the curtain on the stage opens.

I'm checking on the boys.

We all smile. Now it's happening.

And we drive. So we meat, all of us.

It will be chaos.

Thanks to the three nights at Avici Arena, we become the new big thing.

The Fooo shows up, and there's chaos and screaming and hysteria.

MUSIC: All Around the World - Justin Bieber

The Fooo was just over five years of tumult.

In 2017 we did our last tour together and then the story ended.

But, what a fairy tale.

We became stars from day one.

After a year as a group we had our first own tour. After two years we sold out the Avicii Arena. We won a Grammy, we won MTV awards, toured throughout the Nordics and the USA.

It was the best I knew. I had so much fun.

We ended up in a hurricane.

It started when I was 14. I was just a kid. It was for fun, it wasn't work, not at first anyway. But then it became more and more serious. Often I could stop taking responsibility.

I got grumpy and grumpy when we scratched for hours and I was hungry.

“You have to be professional, Omar.”

No, I screwed up.

“I don't have to do anything. I am completely exhausted in my body, and I want to eat mother's food, I just want to go home.”

I went to school on weekdays and traveled to Stockholm every Friday and home late on Sunday. Every week, over, over and over.

I traveled by myself. The first few times it was scary. Didn't know anything about Stockholm and was afraid of missing the trains. I had no accommodation. In the beginning I had to live with strangers. I don't know how mum managed to get accommodation, it was probably a friend of a friend. Sometimes I felt really bad and I was scared at night because I didn't know the people I slept with.

But I'm still grateful that they let me sleep over there. Never went back to the same places though, so it was always new. Mom could never relax in the beginning either. But then after a while I had to live with the boys. One weekend at Felix's, another at Oscar's and then at Ogge's. It was much safer. I could finally breathe.

One person you only heard about at the new record company was Ola Håkansson. You never got to meet him. Who is this Ola Håkansson? You only heard his name and we boys saw in front of us a mafia king sitting in some office with a lot of cash on the table and sunglasses.

But at a parents' meeting with the other people responsible for the band, Ola joined for the first time. There he found out, via my mother who was very upset, that I had nowhere to live. That I often lived with strangers. Then and there everything changed.

I became a small part of Håkansson's family. I got to live at Ola's, Anna's and their children's house. People with big hearts. It was such a great time. So many great moments. So many discussions at the dinner table and so much bickering you got to witness. (Omar laughs.)

I remember when I accidentally threw Anna's specially made zucchini pasta in the food waste grinder just before dinner. I thought it was rubbish. (Omar laughs.) Five minutes later she asked, "Have you seen my zucchini pasta...it was just here?"

The panic that hit me, fuck my liiife.

And of course I had to admit what I had done. She just sighed and looked very tired. She must have really wanted that zucchini pasta, damn it!

I lived with them for four years. Mom and I will be forever grateful. They are our family, and will be forever.

And I had my friends in the band. We were all children, who eventually became boys, together. Maybe not adults, but we matured, a little.

Fooo started when I was 14 and stopped right when I came of age. It became my youth.

When the band shut down, I was suddenly alone with all the decisions.

I knew exactly what to do. I wanted to sing in English and Spanish.

But then I realized that nobody listens to Latin American music here.

It was a difficult time.

I was lost. I was unemployed and making music that no one listened to.

No, after Fooo, it didn't turn out the way I imagined the first year.

Not second or third either.

I really wanted to take over the world.

But the world wasn't that interested.

Or, rather, the universe had other plans for me.

MUSIC: Oh Susie - Secret Service

So… winter is coming. You know that cold winter of 2019, I didn't get the role in "The Bay of Happiness", my music career was dead and my friend broke up with me as a friend.

"Show life your face," said mother.

I tried. After my outburst on the phone, I went into town and had a chill day with my friends.

And winter became spring, and spring became summer.

I enrolled in a high school, it didn't feel like a privilege, more like a punishment. But what could I do, there was nothing else for me. Didn't want to start working in a cafe, I was afraid of being seen as a failed artist.

It's a real shame, because I would have easily wanted to work in a café instead of studying high school.

Ending with me moving in with another friend, Raul, in Hammarby Sjöstad. In the world's smallest apartment that we shared for three months, we hung out together with my best friend Joel. It was furnished and there was both a TV and a comfortable sofa.

Time sped up, I was dragged along.

And it sounds weird, trigger warning, but my best summer ever rolled around. The world was closed, there was a pandemic and restrictions. But I hung out with all my friends, there were maybe ten of us. We saw each other every day that summer. We really only had time and each other.

In June, my friend Felicia, who was also one of the gang and who had previously tipped me off about "Lyckoviken", told me that she was applying for a new Swedish TV series.

"Damn, what's that?"

"It's a new youth series for Netflix."

"Whoah?! What is it about?"

"I'm not really allowed to say, but it's about a Swedish prince who starts at a boarding school and sort of meets a guy and they fall in love. Ah, it's like a gay love story.”

“How do I get in there? I will have the role of a prince.”

MUSIC: Simon's Song (from Young Royals) – Omar Rudberg

In August, the same sweet summer, I am in Åsa to visit my mother. Sitting on the beach watching the dance class she leads.

I am calm and enjoying the afternoon sun. The program is going badly, I have to admit. Of the two tasks we have received, I am behind with...two. The teacher's tone begins to sharpen.

I also don't have a job or other concrete plans worth leaning a future towards.

I've been to maybe ten casting meetings, costume tests, callbacks and filmed a whole day with the film crew and Edvin for the TV series Young Royals. Been thinking about this series 24/7 for over a month. Came every time they called me, put up with everything they want, gave everything I have. For me, this was life and death. I had managed to become friends with Edvin, who was to play the prince. I understood that the first time I saw him, that it would be him. He is young and extremely experienced. But I could be the secret love. We have test filmed at Hillerska. Picked flowers and held each other's hair.

But why don't they say anything? Why am I not getting a notification?

I lay down on the beach and look up at the afternoon sun. Hear how mom starts rounding off with calm music and stretching movements with her students. She thanks them for today. She looks at me and smiles.

Then my phone rings.

"Hey Omar, how's the situation, is it good or not?", says the familiar voice from the production.

"Yes that is good. Is it now happening or, have I received it or not?”

"You, don't tell anyone I said this, but, you've been offered the role of Simon."

A few weeks earlier I would have screamed myself to death with joy, but not now. This is how it was meant to be.

"I know," I just say.

We end the conversation and I laugh. As much of relief as of joy. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I had landed my first role as an actor. My mother waves off her last students. She comes walking across the beach. We will bathe. She looks at me and notices that I'm happy. She knows what I'm going to say. She knew I would get that call today.

"I got the role of mother."

"Le mostraste tu cara a la vida mi hijo."

"You showed life your face my son."

Yes mom, I did.

[toomuchracket]

omg d word matty coming back from like an event to urs (maybe a bit after the angst/age gap sitch) and he’s a bit drunk tbh and he’s just mumbling about how he’s so scared of fucking it up with u. like he’s still lowkey worried he’s messed it up completely after pulling the whole ghosting u thing and ur just there reassuring him for the millionth time n running ur hands thru his hair whilst he sits between ur legs like a sad lil puppy lols (I’m a sucker for post angst comfort frrrr)

ok, you're actually dating at this point - not quite at the l word stage, but you've done weekends away together and you have drawers and wardrobe space for your clothes/a set of toiletries and skincare and a toothbrush in each other's houses... basically, it's getting serious. and, crucially, you're both really fucking happy! anyway, matty gets an invite for a london fashion week event one friday night, him and george going to some dinner then menswear collection show and drinks reception thing afterward, and he's popped into the office on his way just to say hi to you before you go home for the night (and to get an ego boost from you telling him how hot he looks lol). you fix his tie for him, and matty's a bit mopey like "wish you were coming with me, babe. far less fun without you"; you kiss him softly like "nahhhh, go out and have some fun, it'll be good. and if you wanna pop round to mine after it, feel free - i'm in the whole night, so just show up whenever you're done, and you can tell me all about it". he smiles, agrees, then kisses you goodbye and dashes off because he's running late lol. and like, fair enough, the dinner is nice and the show is good and it's lovely to spend time with george and catch up with some people he hasn't seen in ages, but the whole time matty keeps thinking about how he's out on a friday night while you're at home, which makes him think about the angsty moment/almost breakup he instigated a few months ago, and all of a sudden he's wracked with guilt over how he treated you that weekend and starting to panic about the fact he's out and you're not and going into a little spiral about potentially being a hypocrite and fucking up your relationship again (which is the last thing he wants to do). he stays at the afterparty for an hour before the need to see you becomes unbearable, but drinks as if he was there for double that time - when you open your door, wet-haired and wearing his grey santa cruz hoodie and smiling when you see him, matty's tipsy and a little bit melancholy. you usher him in and give him a hug, which he reciprocates with a "missed you, sweetheart. how's your evening been?", and you're like "it's been nice, actually. had a bit of a pamper, opened some wine, watched the west wing. nowhere near as fun as your night, i'm sure lol. was it good?"; matty smiles and says "was ok. clothes were good. food was nice. but your night sounds better. you cool if i crash it, baby?", and you're like "mhmm. go get changed and i'll get us some wine", and matty obliges. when he heads back into your living room, you open your arms and he slots between them on the couch, and the two of you watch josh and donna banter for a bit before matty speaks - he's like "baby, we're ok, right?", looking up at you, and you're like "i think so. why? am i doing something wrong?", a little bit nervy. matty kisses your hand like "no, no, darling, i just...", and he pauses before quietly continuing "i'm just worried that i am, s'all. fucked up big-time when i ghosted you and tried to end it a few months back, and i'm just scared, i guess, that i'll fuck it again somehow. wanna be good for you, be enough. nah, actually, not enough - wanna be right for you, the best i can be, and i'm scared i'm not". you wrap your arms around matty and kiss the top of his head like "oh, baby, please don't worry like that. we're good, we really are. that was just a little blip", and matty's like "really?" - you softly card your fingers through his hair, which makes him hum contentedly and close his eyes, as you say "really. we're good. great, even. you're the best i could ever want, all i could ever need. and if you messed up, you'd hear about it from me immediately lol". matty giggles at that like "oh, i know i would. s'one of the things i like most about you, sweetheart. your hugging ability is also up there, tbh", and you smile like "speaking of... wanna watch the rest of this episode doing some of that in my bed instead of down here?", and matty's like "absolutely". yeah, it's very sweet <3

[winchesterszvonecek]

Ok bare with me this idea is a little juvenile but it’s appealing to me for some reason 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Otis and Y/n just starting dating so they’re very much in that annoying honeymoon phase where they can’t keep their hands (and lips) to themselves, Cruz accompanies Otis & Y/n to a laser tag (or paint ball) outing but soon regrets it after he catches them making out instead of “properly” participating in (chosen) activity.

Brian ‘Otis’ Zvonecek x fem

Laser Tag - [ Brian ‘Otis’ Zvonecek]

Summary: Cruz gets fed up when you and Otis keep making out during laser tag

Word Count: 2079

Warnings: female!reader, suggestive tones, sex references, flirting

Masterlist | Otis Masterlist

When it came to laser tag, it was safe to say that you had absolutely no idea what you were doing. Sure, you’d been once or twice when you were a kid but other than that you were practically useless at it, which is why when Cruz asked if you’d like to join him and Otis at their weekly game, something he’d later come to regret, you were rather surprised to hear yourself saying yes.

Honestly you didn’t care much for laser tag, nor did you ever think about it or going to play it, but the reason as to why you agreed to a game you were more than likely going to suck at was because of one person and one person only. Otis.

You and Otis had just recently started dating after months of flirting and driving the others crazy. And the two of you were very much still in the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship where you couldn’t seem to keep your hands or your lips off one another, so any chance you had to corner him in a dark room so you could have a steamy little make-out session, then you would absolutely be taking it.

You stood next to the bench, your back to Otis who was gladly helping strap you into your laser tag vest, something that was taking him longer than necessary as his hands kept roaming across your body any chance they got, his lips ghosting over the skin of your neck as he eventually pulled the strap to fasten your vest on securly.

“Is that too tight?” Otis asked quietly into your ear, not wanting you to be uncomfortable or have anything sticking into you whilst you played the game, the one he knew neither of you would be so much as participating in. At least not properly.

“No… No, it’s perfect.” You whispered, spinning your body in his hold to face him, your hands trailing up the hardened biceps that hid beneath his shirt as your teeth hooked over your bottom lip, itching to pull him in for a kiss.

“The only thing that’s perfect here is you.” Otis said in a hushed tone as he leaned in, his lips barely brushing yours before a rather loud, seemingly annoyed, throat clear echoed throughout the room from behind you.

You rolled your eyes, Otis leaning his forehead against yours as he let out a soft groan before the two of you shifted to get a better look at Cruz, who was standing with his arms folded and looking as though he was about to scold the two of you like a mother who’d just caught her teenage daughter making out with a boy.

Cruz shook his head, muttering under his breath about this being a mistake before he grabbed his own vest and laser gun, strapping it to his chest before he focused his attention back onto the two of you, not surprised to see you both whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear.

“Can you two focus please?” Cruz sighed exasperatedly, your hushed whispers turning to quiet chuckles before you silenced, rolling your lips in a way that reminded you of being told off at school. “Okay, it’s us three and… those two.” He pointed, unamused, towards the two guys at the other side of the room, both of whom were stoned out of their minds. “Against the other team… Pretty much just us three, so if we want to win then I need you both to focus and please, for the love of God, keep your hands to yourselves.”

“Aye aye captain.” You saluted, standing tall as Otis chucked next to you, making Cruz mumble ‘we’re screwed’ under his breath before he spun on his heels and headed to the arena entrance. “What’s got his boxers in a bunch?”

“He takes laser tag very seriously.” Otis whispered into your ear as he threw his arm around your shoulder, leading you towards the entrance where as usual, the rules video was playing on a small screen off to the left, which was pretty much a waste of electricity at this point as no one ever paid attention to it.

Eventually though the game had started, meaning you were wandering aimlessly around a dark arena that was designed to look like a mediaeval castle for some reason. You had no idea why as it wasn’t like they used laser guns back in those days, if anything it should have been designed to look like some futuristic city but whatever, you didn’t care. All you cared about was finding Otis again as amidst the darkness the two of you had gotten separated and you’d very much like to find him again as truthfully, you didn’t really like the dark and you were finding yourself a little on edge about being alone.

Hearing footsteps coming towards, you ducked around a corner, your back pressed firmly to the wall as you held your gun out in front of you, which made you feel like you were pulled straight from one of those action movies Otis made you watch. Well, more like made you put on in the background whilst you occupied yourself with other, more exciting, things. You held your breath, listening as the footsteps got closer before you jumped out, ready to pull the trigger should it be the opposing team. But it wasn’t. Instead, and to your relief, the footsteps had belonged to Otis.

“Jeez…” Otis breathed out, his hand landing on his fast beating chest as you’d scared the crap out of him by jumping out at him. “God, baby… What are you doing jumping out like that? You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“I was preparing myself for an enemy attack.” You said jokingly, chuckling a little at the startled look on his face which quickly shifted, his jaw now tensing a little as his eyes began to drink you in.

“Enemy attack, huh?” He whispered, licking his bottom lip, his gun dropping to his side where it hung loosely by the strap attached to his vest. “Well how about for now…” He grabbed hold of your hips, pulling you closer to him at the same time as moving you both back, pinning you to the wall which had the blue LED lights on your vests clatter together. “You pretend I’m the enemy and we fraternise a little?”

“Mhmm, forbidden love…” You said playfully, biting down on your bottom lip as you trailed your hands up his arms, one heading straight to his hair where your fingers curled tightly around his shortened strands. “Risky… I like it.”

The second the flirtatious words left your lips, Otis’s were on them, kissing you with such passion and such heat that you were surprised there weren’t sparks shooting out from between you. His hand roamed up your waist, delving under your vest and t-shirt, making you twitch involuntarily from the sharpness of his cold hands against your skin. He’d almost gotten fully up your chest, the vest making it a little harder to move, before a bang on the wall next to you made you both jump and pull apart.

“Nice to see you two working so hard.” Cruz said, unamused as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching as you fixed your hair and wiped at your smudged lipstick before subtly fixing your askew t-shirt. “Come on… Oh, and less kissing, more shooting please. We’re already losing and there’s not long left to go.”

“Yes sir.” You mumbled, once again saluting which had Cruz simply roll his eyes before he turned on his heels, motioning with his gun for you both to follow behind him.

You and Otis managed to behave for a little while and actually scored some points for your team before you inevitably got separated from Cruz once again. And totally not on purpose so you could find a quiet spot to make out in before he caught you, something you knew would happen but still didn’t stop you from doing so anyway.

“Have I ever told you how hot you are?” Otis groaned softly against your lips, feeling your hips push up against him and sparking a fire deep with his chest.

“Only all the time.” You whispered, gasping quietly as his mouth worked its way along your jaw and down your neck, which you arched to allow him the best access so he could sink his teeth into your skin and mark you as his own. “Fuck… Baby… I can’t wait to go back to your place.”

“Why wait when we could do it right here?” Otis exhaled, trailing his tongue over the red mark he’d caused on your neck, making your legs wobble beneath you as your grip on his hair tightened.

“I’d have never taken you for the public sex type.” You said with curiosity, arching your eyebrow as you tried to get a read as to whether he was serious or not. As regardless of whether you were that type either, something about him right now had you wanting him to pin you against the wall and fuck you until you couldn’t walk straight.

“I’ve never usually thought about it…” Otis confessed, pulling your t-shirt aside and gently running his teeth over your collar bones which had you hum softly beneath him. “But when it comes to you… I just can’t seem to wait until we’re in private.”

Otis straightened, his lips attaching firmly back onto yours as your leg lifted, hooking around the back of his as you not so subtly began to grind your hips up against him, causing a low groan to rattle up his chest as the movements of his lips on yours slowed before an irritated voice caused you both to jump apart.

“Are you two for real?” Cruz exclaimed around a scoff, having you blush with embarrassment over being caught in an almost compromising position. Even if it was only Cruz. “Can you seriously not control your urges long enough to play a game?”

“Cruz, relax… It's just a silly game.” Otis chuckled, unsure why he was getting so annoyed. “Who cares if we lose? It’s not a big deal.”

“Otis, the last time we lost you sulked for an hour afterwards.” Cruz pointed out, his lips a little pursed as he stared accusingly towards Otis, who glanced quickly over to you just in time to see you smile before you rolled it. “Look, there’s only like a minute left and we’re only one hit away from winning, so can we please focus?”

Just as you were about to groan from annoyance at actually having to play the game you’d agreed to, a brief flash of red from behind Cruz caught your eye, making you squint a little to see further into the darkness. You could see a figure, lurking in the shadows, using the walls and wagons as cover to hide their flashing vest. Your hand tightened around your gun, lifting it slowly so as to not raise suspicion as you could tell whoever was creeping up on you from the other team had no idea you saw them.

Otis and Cruz were still bickering, something about Otis lacking attention skills now that he had a girlfriend, to which Otis responded with something along the lines of ‘at least I have a girlfriend’. But you weren’t listening, you’d learning to block the two of them out when they got like this and it was just as well that you did as just ten seconds before the game ended, the opposing team member jumped from behind a wagon, only before he could shoot Cruz in the back, you pulled the trigger.

The red LED lights covering the enemy’s chest flashed purple, an almost robotic sound emanating from it which had Cruz and Otis jump, the former spinning on his heels just in time to see the guy who’d given you the win groan in defeat. You couldn’t help but grin, a little smugly too and you turned towards your fellow teammates.

“Oh what’s that? Did I just give us the win?” You playfully blew at the end of your gun, flashing a wink towards a rather impressed Otis before you continued. “See Cruz, one thing you might not know about women is that we’re great at multitasking… Which means I’m pretty capable of both satisfying my urges and reigning myself the Queen of laser tag.”

Like this? Apply to my Otis tag list here!

tagging: @sancochillo @kellykidd @violetmacher @kiddbegins @neapolitantoebeans @alexxavicry @babyyoda89 @wandamaxim0f

Enjoy my work? Why not consider supporting me on Ko-Fi?☕️

[rpking99]

Jessica Cruz Origin and how she was fucked up for a while

Ah, Jessica Cruz. My fave Green Lantern

Okay so to start us off simple... Why do I love her? Well... As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, and has so for years, I always found her inspiring and good representation of what living with that condition can be like

She doesn't just magically get better after getting the ring. She is so scared that some days it's hard for her to leave the house

That pain hits me so hard because it is so relatable to me.

But it also shows why she is PERFECT for the Green Lanterns. Their power comes from Will, from their courage. Their ability to overcome Great Fear. And she overcomes great fear every time she gets out of bed.

Her origin though? Ironically, super complicated. Gonna go with her personal origin first before hero one.

Jessica Cruz and her friend went out camping when... They where basically caught in a slasher movie. All her friends killed. And she only survived thanks to lick

As you can guess: lots of survivors guilt and trauma from this, leading to her mental health issues

And then three months later... She was met with a magical ring

This is how she originally looked, using the code name Power Ring.

So... We all know Earth-3, correct? Evil earth. Batman is Owlman, Superman is Ultraman, Wonder Woman is Superwoman, Flash is Johnny Quick. Evil wins, everyone's the opposite of who they normally are. Going by the Crime Syndicate. We got that? We got that

Okay. So during an event called Forever Evil, the Syndicate invaded earth. Big dramatic fight. The Hal Jordon of Earth-3 died and his ring flew off to find a new user like every Lantern Ring

Now the thing of the Ring of Volthoom, the Ring Power Ring has, it that it is a parasite. It latches onto someone filled with fear and then uses that fear to control them

It found Jess... But so did the Justice League. And they all helped her. Helped her heal, supported her, helped her resist the ring

And then, eventually, she destroyed the Ring of Volthoom.... Summoning a new ring in its place

After all, what shows the ability to ober come fear more than literally shattering a parasitic ring that feeds in fear?

And she rises... As the sixth Lantern of sector 2814

And it was glorious!

What is Jessica Cruz about? Not letting trauma define you. She is about healing and true bravery. She has social anxiety, she has depression, she has self loathing. But she works had to over come it all

...

And then DC fucks or up and makes her a Yellow Lantern! Because heaven help us if we have nice things!

And the worst part for me?

I hate that she ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD JN YELLOW!

Ugh!

Anyway. On to the Yellow Lantern thing and why THAT is bad.

So first off they turned a disabled character, as well as a character of colour, into a villain

Now. Onto the main issues

Jessica Cruz. She suffers from anxiety and depression. Social anxiety, stress issues, all this sort of stuff.

The Yellow Corps is all about GIVING INTO great fear, as well as being able to CAUSE great feed into others.

I feel like it should be super clear what the issue is here!

It's character regression, it's turning her into the type of person who slaughtered her friends, it's insulting to people with these mental health issues as it implies they should just give into them and lash out at others!

And they have Jess say that the reason she is doing this is because it is "exposure therapy"

Which... NO! NO! FUCKING NO!

Exposure therapy should only be done with a professional there in order to help pull you out when it becomes too much, as well as making sure the exposure is a gradual build. Stepping stones. Not jumping into LITERALLY ALL THE FEAR AT ONCE!

Also it is a bit dubeous on if it works with cases like Jess', classes built from trauma rather than pure paranoia/stress. But I'm not a professional and don't wanna give my opinion as fact here

Luckily she is back in green at this point of the comics but.... Yeah. It's been rocky

[roberttchase]

Brettsey + 'You broke my heart over the phone'.

I made this way too angsty, whoops. I got another prompt as well, so I combined them! Have 2.5k of Matt on lexapro, Cruz throwing a punch, and Brettsey getting alllll their emotions out.

Can you redo the Molly’s scene but with more angst since you’re so good at it?? 

XXX

The second he clocks her; not even twenty seconds into the damn place, Matt blinks and feels his body tense. He’d wanted to  catch up with 51, wanted to quell the intense homesickness he’s been battling the past few months. But maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea after all. His stomach feels sloshy even without having a drink, and there’s a lump in his throat that he can’t quite swallow. 

Her hair is longer. It’s the first thing he notices, aside from how beautiful she looks. He wants to compliment it, but then he remembers how he used to rake his fingers through the soft golden strands, how he used to bury his face into it when he was stressed or sleepy. The firefighter remembers how the light would hit it in the morning and make Sylvie look like an Angel while she slept. He turns to go, to make a run for it before he’s noticed, but it backfires and he runs into Gallo and Violet who’ve just walked in. 

“I’m so sorry!”

“Captain! It’s totally okay,” Gallo grins widely, clapping Casey on the shoulder. 

Everyone seems to notice him now, and a few ‘Case!’ and ‘Captain’s!’ ring out throughout the bar. 

He’s not sure what does it exactly, but the sudden thought of being an outsider wells up inside of him. He doesn’t belong here, not anymore. He talks to Severide and Kidd every couple of weeks, but aside from that and Herrmann once in a blue moon, no one reaches out to him- but he doesn’t reach out to them either. He feels trapped like a wild animal caged in a corner. The man can feel eyes from his old team on him, waiting for him to come over and join their conversation. He knows Sylvie’s head is turned towards him now thanks to his peripheral vision. Hands shaking slightly, Matt shoves them into his pockets and licks his lips. 

“I actually uh, I have to head out-“ 

“No way Captain!” Stella calls from the bar, her curls pulled back into a ponytail. “Not until you’ve had a drink or two and we catch up.” 

And okay, he’s not thought this one through. Shit. How does he get his way out of this? Walking up to the bar, he gives Sev a hand to the shoulder, then pulls away to let Stella hug him from over the counter. Herrmann’s wiping down the opposite side but heads over, slinging his towel over his shoulder. 

“How ya doin’ Casey? How’s Portland?” 

“Oh, you know, keeping me busy,” he smiles, ignoring the skeptical look from Stella. “How’s everything here?” 

“Oh ya know, keeping us busy,” Herrmann parrots back. “What brings you back?” 

“I’m here to see my sister,” Matt lies, not wanting to let anyone know about the talk he’s going to have with Stella, even though he knows at least Severide will hear about it. 

“Well, it’s good to see your face back in here. It’s been weird without you.” 

“I’ve missed it,” Matt clenched his jaw and blinks, trying to calm himself down. 

“What’re you drinking? The usual?” 

As much as the blonde desperately wants a beer, he can’t. Not anymore. 

“Oh, uh, no, I’ll just take a coke,” he shrugs, feeling his face heat up when the three of them look at him like he’s crazy. “I uhh…I can’t drink,” he adds lamely as an afterthought. 

“You got some news for us Case?” Severide laughs and pats Matt’s stomach gently. “Better name them after me.” 

“You’re a comedian,” the firefighter rolls his eyes at his best friend's antics. “No, I’m actually,” Matt straightens up a bit, then lowers his voice. “I’m on this medication that won’t let me drink,” he waves off, hoping they’ll leave it.

They don’t, of course. Herrmann tries, which Matt’s grateful for, stumbling out a “Jeez, okay, Lemme get you a coke then,” before ambling down to the soda fountain at the other end of the bar. 

“Medication?” Severide’s eyebrows raise. “Are you okay?” 

Matt nods, pressing his palms against his thighs. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Seriously,” he promises the couple who still look worried. “It’s just Lexapro man, nothing serious.” 

Stella and Severide share a look. 

“That’s for depression and anxiety right,” Kelly recalls, frowning. “What’s going on with you lately? You can talk to me Case.” 

“Look, if it’s all the same to you, maybe we can do this when we’re not at the bar. Don’t really feel like talking about it here,” Matt looks around and Sylvie’s eyes are staring back At him, making him feel like he’s been electrocuted. 

He shouldn’t have come. This was all a mistake. 

“I’m gonna go see my sister, but it was great to see you guys. Maybe we ca-“ 

“Stay at the loft tonight, yeah? Beats a hotel,” Stella interjects.

Matt debates it. On one hand, his best friends are married now. But this isn’t him moving back in, it’s one night. He’s missed them. But they don’t deserve to have him back for a night just for him to leave again, just like Sylvie didn’t. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake, and yet- 

“Yeah, alright. I’ll text you guys when I’m heading over.” 

He puts a twenty on the counter even though he’s not even been given the drink that Herrmann’s still fiddling with, obviously wanting to give them space. A moment later, the blonde is out the door, feeling shaky and like his skin is too tight on his body. It’s as if he’s a live wire, ready to combust. He can’t do this. 

“Matt!” 

It takes everything in him not to tell the woman approaching him to leave him alone. She doesn’t deserve that, he tells himself, she doesn’t deserve to feel the way he’s been feeling. 

“Sylvie..” Any other words die in his throat, now that he’s so close to her, can smell her perfume and can see her freckles that come out when it gets warmer. 

“Why didn’t you say you were coming?” 

“I don’t…,” he swallows. “Why would I need to? We’re not dating anymore.” 

It’s blunt and he sees Sylvie wince. He doesn’t mean to be harsh, it’s just a fair statement. They’re not together anymore, no matter how much he wants to be. He bites his thumbnail; an old anxious habit, then looks at her. She looks surprised, hurt and confused all at the same time. 

“We’re adults. We should be able to talk and-“ 

“You broke my heart over the phone, I don’t think

I owe you anything.” 

The words tumble out before he can stop them. Matt can physically feel his resolve crumbling, can feel the nice guy routine starting to slip out of his grasp. All the emotions that have been bottling up since September feel like they’re ready to erupt like a volcano. Tears threaten to do the same. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t just fly out to Portland to have that conversation,” she grits out, and oh yeah, he can’t tell just from how Sylvie sounds that they’re doing this; getting their grievances out, right in the middle of the sidewalk outside of Molly’s. 

“Conversation? There wasn’t a conversation from how I remember it. I didn’t even get a real explanation! It’s always been ‘it’s hard’. I get that it’s hard, I had to live it too. But it’s bullshit that the reason we broke up was because it was ‘hard’. We could have done more instead of just give up!” 

“It was hard, Matt! Do you know how hard it is being at 51 without you? Constantly being reminded of you? And when we try to set up video dates there’s always something that gets in the way? I needed you and sometimes I couldn’t have you! It wasn’t fair! It was exhausting always wondering if I’d be able to talk to my boyfriend, or the fact I couldn’t hug you or kiss you. We were new and everything was perfect and then you left!” Her words are tainted with sadness and desperation. 

Matt feels like he wants to throw up. His breaths quicken and he lets his eyes look away from the paramedic. 

“Unfair? This whole thing is unfair, I couldn’t just let the boys get thrown into foster care!” He crosses his arms defensively. “I’ve lived that, and that’s unfair, Sylvie. I’m sorry I can’t be two places at once!” 

“I know that Matt, but it doesn’t make the hurting any less miserable,” Sylvie blinks hard, and if Matt has to watch her cry again he’s going to lose it himself. 

“Do you know how miserable I was? How miserable I am? I’m trying to be a good guardian to them, and I’m pretty sure I suck. I couldn’t see you then, and I can’t see you now. I don’t have friends at work, it’s not like 51. 51 is a family. I’m an outsider at my firehouse,” he swallows thickly, finally admitting how awful it’s been. “I’m not Case or Matt to anyone there. They don’t know me! I’m Captain Casey, and that’s all I’ll ever be because they don’t care. I’m not invited places because I’m their boss. Our Chief is only at the house half the time, which means I’m in charge of everything. So it’s work, boys, and then make things in the shed behind the house because if I’m left alone with my thoughts? It’s not a good time.” 

He thinks back to the first week they’d been broken up. Thinks back to sitting alone in the dark of his small bedroom and wondering if he was helping anyone, if he was a good guardian, or brother, or leader. He thinks back to intrusive thoughts and punching a hole in the wall, ignoring the fracture and letting himself feel the pain for the next two weeks, serving as some kind of fucked up punishment. 

Sylvie is watching him as he starts trembling and his chest tightens. He knows his anxiety is starting to seep through the wall his lexapro builds him, and he clears his throat. 

“Look. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t do enough, and I’m sorry I made you feel that way. You don’t ever deserve to feel like you’re not enough or you’re a second choice.” 

Dejavu washes over him. 

“I just want you happy. So if you’re happier without me, I accept that. But please don’t let us fail just because it was hard. You were it for me Sylvie, absolutely the only one I could ever see building a forever with. And like I said, you broke my heart. I’m not going to deny that. But I’d rather my heart be broken versus yours.” 

By the end of his little speech, he’s trembling all over, and he thinks maybe he should get to his suitcase that’s at Christie’s and take another pill. Sylvie looks ready to cry at any moment, cheeks flushed and eyes watering.

“Matt-“ 

Severide and Cruz interrupt her, walking out of Molly’s laughing. Both stop short, and it’s ironic really, the fact Matt and Sylvie’s respective ‘defenders’ are walking out to this of all things. All four of them freeze, but the tear that’s falling from the paramedics eyes makes Cruz snap back into action almost immediately. He puffs his chest out and stands taller as he walks up to Matt. The Captain straightens his own shoulders. 

“You know, with all due respect Casey, now that you’re not at fifty one, I can kick your ass for hurting her.” 

“Cruz! You’re still a firefighter, and not only that, I’m your lieutenant and I’m also right here,” Severide steps in, his voice firm. 

Matt keeps his face stony and unreadable, mouth in a thin line, almost turning downwards. He knows there’s no way in hell Cruz would try and fight him, at least he’s 90% sure. He holds his ground, raising an eyebrow. 

“You really want to do that Cruz?” He asks, ignoring the noise Sylvie makes next to him. “Go ahead then. You’ll get reprimanded, but if it’s worth it, you can take a free shot,” Matt says sarcastically. 

Before he knows what’s happening, there’s force against his cheek, hard and sudden. Both Severide and Sylvie yell at Cruz, and as Matt looks up cradling his jaw, he sees his best friend grabbing the squad member by his shirt, holding him tight. 

“You’re out of your damn mind man!” 

“No, Casey is! Brett’s been heartbroken and it’s his fault!” 

“It’s no one’s fault, they’re both adults, and this isn’t high school!” 

“Stop! Stop yelling, and stop stepping in for me. Cruz, I told you, I broke up with him. You don’t get to just go around hitting people because of something they did or didn’t do,” Sylvie glares. 

Matt’s not sure he can recall ever seeing her this angry. Wincing as he rubs the tender spot on his jaw and cheekbone, he finally recovers, clenching his fist. He wants to sucker punch Cruz, but he also understands why he’s hit him. And truthfully, maybe he deserves it. Sighing, he puts a hand out, signaling for everyone to stop. 

“I’m leaving. Severide, I’m grabbing my bag from Christie’s and then I’ll come to yours. Cruz, have fun with your write up. Sylvie…it was good seeing you.”

The last few words are quiet and his voice shakes, but it’s the last of his worries. His face hurts, he’s exhausted, and he feels like he’s going to crawl out of his skin. 

“I’ll see you guys around.” 

With that, Matt turns and walks down the street, grateful Christy isn’t too far away. The idea of staying near everyone for much longer makes him feel gross. By the time he’s letting himself into Severide and Kidd’s apartment; because of course he still has his key, it’s nearing ten o’clock and a bruise is blossoming on his jawbone. 

“Damn, he really got you good,” Stella says Matt shuffles in further, setting his leather duffel bag down. 

“It was an easy shot, could have avoided it,” he grumbles, sitting on the couch reflexively, as if he still lives there. 

A beat of silence. 

“So, can I talk about the elephant in the room?” Stella looks at him with that determined face she gets, so he nods as Severide comes and sits down too, a bowl of chips in hand. 

“When did you start taking lexapro?” 

The way she says it reminds Matt of a mom worrying over her kid, which isn’t all that terrible if he’s honest. 

“In October. It’s been a rough few months I guess,” he shrugs, staring at the wall behind his friends.

“That’s all we get?” 

“Tonight? Yeah. Maybe tomorrow I’ll say more but I’m tired and feel like shit and want to sleep.” 

“Fair enough dude. Go get some sleep. And take something for your jaw, or you’ll regret it.” 

“Yes dad.”

[raymondvelez]

2 Owls

“Can I get 2 grape-flavored white owls?” I said sliding a twenty on the counter.

The gas station clerk grabbed two cigars from off the wall behind him and about $17 worth of change out the cash register. I stuffed the change in my jacket pocket and kept the blunts in my hand as I walked back to my BMW with expired plates. I hadn’t driven my car in a while so the gas tank was still practically full. This was one of those mandatory joy rides you had to make on a vintage foreign car because when you don’t drive a car enough and just leave it sitting, all type of stuff start happening to the transmission and what not.

I never drive too far. Just a few miles around Logan Square or Humboldt Park. I’ll usually just let my sister drive and I ride shotgun to stay out of trouble. But my sister was out of town and I needed to get out the house anyway.

I wasn’t good at rolling so I was rolling on the way to pick up Lisa cause I hadn’t seen her since our college days at Northwestern. I would write her English Papers and she would write my Biology papers. She became a nurse. And I became a greedy banker because being a teacher wasn’t going to cut it when I had lawyer fees. She had just moved back to the hood too. But her stint was looking more permanent cause her father got really sick and it honestly just wasn’t looking good for Mr. Reyes. Student loans and medical bills don’t stop. But neither can you. You know?

I pulled up in front of Lisa’s child home apartment on Drake. She popped right out. Lisa is a very attractive woman but it’s like life made her forget it. Kids, abusive baby daddies and life can do that to you. Lisa was hiding her eyes behind huge reading glasses, a northwestern hoodie and Jordan 9’s. It was like she got dressed using whatever I had in my closet. Her pony tail was messy too.

“Hey Los.” Lisa said after pecking my cheek.

“Sup, Lisa.” I said handing her the blunts and the eighth I had just bought. “There’s some cd’s in my glovebox you could use.”

“Damn. Right to the point, huh? No how are you?” Lisa said digging in my glovebox.

“You know I’m pressed for time and I can’t get pulled over.” I replied. “How’s your dad?”

“I don’t want to talk about my dad.” Lisa replied.

Lisa pulled out my copy of The College Dropout and started breaking everything up on the booklet.

“Why you playing V103?” Lisa asked.

“Cause it’s night time and I like to relax at night. Everything ain’t about turning up.”

“I’m not trying to turn up either. But damn. This song old asf.”

The radio was playing “Remind Me” by Patrice Rushen and I did not want to change the station cause I really loved this song. It was literally one of my favorite songs ever.

“What you tryna hear?” I asked.

“You can leave it.” Lisa replied already licking the blunt.

I kept on Armitage until I saw Margie’s Candies and then made a right on Western so we could smoke in Humboldt Park by the Paseo Boriqua signs on California.

Once we parked, we lit the blunt and took several puffs each in silence. We were still as tight as we were in College. Distance and years of no communication couldn’t change that. We were family.

“Why you so quiet, nigga?” Lisa asked.

“You quiet too!” I replied.

“How are you, though?” Lisa asked. “You always checking on me which I appreciate and all. But you gotta start making things more about you, Papa.”

“Here we go.” I replied. “Look, I’m good. Never better.”

“If you say so, Los Cruz.”

“The whole government?” I asked laughing.

“The whole government.” Lisa replied matter-of-factly.

Once the blunt was finished, I opened the sun roof to let in some fresh air. I was taken back by how bright the stars were. And despite being hidden behind clouds, the moon was still visible in a subtle, but still beautiful way.

[voicesfromthepicket]

Kendall, Literature & Creative Writing PhD Student, UC Santa Cruz

I joined the Department of Literature 8 years ago, one of two applicants accepted into the second ever cohort of the Creative/Critical Concentration. I received a GSI appointment in Creative Writing my second quarter here, and have continued to contribute a significant number of courses as the Instructor of Record in my primary field. Even back in 2015, I discovered what my newer colleagues know all too well: Santa Cruz is ensnared in a housing crisis and escalating costs of living. I moved seven times in three years (including tenuous Craigslist sublets & crashing on friends’ couches during summer months) before being fortunate enough to find a tenable living situation. Relative housing security has come with its own costs, however, including structural issues with plumbing, roofing, and appliances; significant rat infestations; a revolving door of five other housemates; and safety concerns related to vandalism and trespassing.

The irony of preparing lesson plans on Virginia Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own”—in which Woolf predicates intellectual productivity on adequate material conditions—while I struggled to make a home here is not lost on me.

Over the years, I have also had to supplement my UC income with a number of side hustles ranging from retail to catering, housekeeping to intensive high school summer programs.

I share all this not because my experience is the exception, but because it is the norm for graduate students who want to exist, let alone thrive, in Santa Cruz. Consequently, many of my cohort members chose alternative paths.

At least three of my peers quit or transferred within our first year. After two years, I was the only local member of my cohort. And more than any personal financial stability, I mourned this loss of community, a vital creative force.

So I pull hard on this slack, trying to produce for my students what Santa Cruz has failed to produce for me. The space of the classroom is a community—a microcosm of society—what bell hooks would call a “contact zone.”

When I ask my creative writing students to share and respond to one another’s work, I am really asking them to be good neighbors.

When I invite my students to revel in the excess of poetic language, I am really inviting them to honor difference & multiplicity.

When I require my students to revise their submissions, I am really requiring them to re-envision, to imagine, to, as Ezra Pound has said, “make new.”

I want the role of higher public education to be practicing the conditions of change that will bolster more compassionate citizens, more critical thinkers, and more daring makers against a pretty fucked up world.

And I believe striking graduate student workers and researchers want the same. I believe this so strongly that it was worth being effectively fired for 3 quarters as a result of participating in the wildcat strike, and I believe this so strongly that I strike again, out of love. It is because I love teaching and writing at this university that I demand the UC do better. I would not be doing my job if I didn’t strike—if I did not hold the UC accountable to the same values to which I hold my students.

Don’t get me wrong—I strike because I do want the UC to straight up give me more money. I am exhausted by having to choose between repairing my car or paying my medical bills. I am angry with a system that tells me with every trip to the food pantry when I’m broke at the end of a month that I don’t matter, that Literature doesn’t matter.

But I also strike for my students, my kindred meaning-makers.

I strike for my faculty mentors, whose seminars & research have radicalized me.

I strike for my friends at other, increasingly corporatized universities.

I strike for my parents, who know nothing about poetry, but who have nonetheless instilled in me that anything worth having is worth taking risks for.

And, as grandiose at it might sound, I strike for the future of quality higher education.

I hope you will, too.

[vampireshmampire]

What's in a Name (wwdits fic)

(most special thanks to @vampira-de-la-cruz for the spanish translations and also for giving me the idea for this fic in the first place *blows a kiss at u*)

It’s hard to call Nandor by his name. After over a decade of not using it, it feels strange on his tongue. But calling your boyfriend ‘master’ makes for a dynamic that doesn’t quite fit the two of them.

Fortunately, there are other options.

An absentminded querido when he needs to get Nandor’s attention from the other room; a playful bebé when they’re alone and Nandor’s hands are roaming while Guillermo tries to clean; a whispered amor when they are a tangled mess of limbs and sheets and shadows; and when Nandor is doing something so breathtakingly, mindblowingly stupid…

“Cariño,” Guillermo says, in as even a tone as he can manage. “What are you doing?”

“Ooooh, he’s in trouble~” Nadja crows. Whatever they’ve gotten into--or more specifically, whatever the people they’ve eaten had gotten into--it’s got all three of them dizzy and silly. Laszlo and Nadja are upright only because they’re leaning on each other and crammed into a corner, watching Nandor with wild, childish glee.

Nandor, for his part, has not picked up on the warning tone. He is standing beside the curtain, held open ever so slightly, and is trying to stick a lock of hair into the sunlight. He is dangerously close to overbalancing and putting his entire head into the sunbeam, but despite the look of serious concentration on his face, Guillermo knows he hasn’t noticed.

“Cariño,” Guillermo says, a little louder.

“I am trying to see if I can cut my hair with the sun,” Nandor says, as if this is obvious. Guillermo shuts his eyes, but only for a moment, because as soon as he does, there is a sizzling sound and a hiss of pain.

Nandor shakes out his hand and blows on his fingers and then yes, yes, goes right back to it. Now he is flinging the lock of hair forward into the light, which is only marginally better.

“Why,” is all Guillermo can think to say. Nandor gives him an affronted look, as if the question is somehow insulting.

“To see if I can.”

Guillermo manages to bury his scream in the back of his throat; strides across the room and tugs the curtain closed.

“Get in your coffin. Coffins,” he specifies, giving Nadja and Laszlo a meaningful look. “It’s almost eight in the morning! Go to bed!”

Nadja sticks her tongue out at him and the two stumble off. Guillermo follows just long enough to ensure they actually do descend into the basement, and then hurries back to Nandor’s room because yes! Yes! He has reopened the curtain and has one lock of hair dangling in the sunlight where it is smoldering. He gives Guillermo a triumphant look.

“Look, Guillermo! It’s working!”

“Tesoro, noche a mi día, amor y luz de mi vida, te voy a matar con mis putas manos ” Guillermo says, darkly. Nandor’s response is nothing but a glazed look of incomprehension. Guillermo points at him and says in a stern voice “Get in the coffin before I put you in there myself.”

Nandor gives Guillermo a look that is probably intended to be suave and seductive.

“No, this is not a sexy threat, this is an actual threat,” Guillermo pries his hands off the curtain and shakes the lock of hair loose until the steaming stops. Nandor steps forward and presses his mouth to Guillermo’s neck, beard tickling his skin as the man mumbles something.

“What?” Guillermo asks, trying to back Nandor towards the coffin.

“What if I made you make it a sexy threat?” Nandor says, feeling around blindly. Guillermo assumes Nandor is trying to get under the hem of his shirt, but can’t quite wrap his brain or hands around the concept of ‘tucked into Guillermo’s pants’.

“You can’t make me--No. Bedtime. Come on.”

It’s very easy to wrangle Nandor out of his cape and boots, but significantly harder to wrangle him into the coffin and not out of the rest of his clothing.

“Goodnight, cielo, goodnight,” Guillermo says, pointedly, pulling his hands free and finally, finally closes the coffin lid. He turns to leave--he needs to clean up and then maybe take a nap himself, for once--when a muffled voice behind him calls his name.

“What?” he snaps, wondering if he’s going to need to sit on the coffin to keep Nandor in there.

“I love you,” Nandor says, meekly, and Guillermo feels a sting of guilt.

“Y yo a ti,” he says. The coffin lid peeks up just a fraction of an inch, and while Guillermo can’t see inside, he can easily imagine two dark eyes peering out, and the expression they’d be wearing.

“Does that mean you love me too?”

Guillermo has to smile. He crosses the room again and peeks in the coffin, more for Nandor’s sake than his own.

“Yes. It does. Goodnight, amor.”

“Goodnight, Guillermo,” is the happy reply, and the coffin lid shuts again. Guillermo pats the coffin and smiles.

“Tu y tus pendejadas,¿cómo sobreviviste por tanto tiempo sin mi? Solo por eso te debería dejar morir.”

“Does that also mean you love me?’

“Sure does, cariño.”

[omg-imagine]

Distraction

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x female!V

Summary: Johnny distracts V the best way he knows how.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: language, smut (oral + rough sex, choking)

A/N: Please don’t mind the weak plot, this was just an excuse to write p*rn featuring the only character I want to romance in the game but can’t. Also, for the sake of this fic, let’s just say he can touch V and vice versa :)) Hope you enjoy!

V was pissed.

No, she was beyond pissed.

And when V’s beyond pissed, she’s sure to let the whole fucking world know.

“Tone it down, princess,” Johnny cuts in once he’s heard enough of her long-winded rant.

V stops her relentless pacing around the apartment and shoots a menacing glare towards the rocker.

“I warned you not to take that job from the start. Now, look at you, bruised up from head to toe, and cheated out of your eddies.”

“That son of a bitch promised me half the cut,” V recalls bitterly, her chest heaving from the fierce anger spreading all throughout. “I’m gonna make sure Cruz regrets asking me for help.”

The merc stalks off to her stash, muttering low under her breath how she plans on raising hell the next time she crosses paths with him. As V polishes her guns (something she typically does to calm herself), Johnny approaches the small room to the side with the same cocky attitude that would surely piss her off even more.

He can’t help himself at times; he sure does love pushing V’s buttons.

“You done whining or what?”

Rolling her eyes, V turns her head to see Johnny standing there as he takes a drag on his cigarette. Normally, she doesn’t mind him smoking around her, but after an exhausting night where things didn’t work out in her favor, she was quickly reaching her boiling point. “You better clean up all that ash on the floor when you’re done.”

“Since when did you start caring about this shithole of an apartment being neat?” Johnny comments, more so as a tease, and this earns him another scowl. “Don’t waste your energy on Cruz. He’ll get what’s coming to him.”

“Didn’t know you believed in karma,” V adds, narrowing her eyes.

Devilishly, he smirks at her, tossing the cigarette butt to the floor then crushing it with his shoe. “Hon, there’s a lot of things you still don’t know about me.”

“Yeah,” she agrees before brushing past Johnny. “I’m heading out.”

His figure glitches momentarily, reminding V that he was nothing but a ghost residing in her mind, despite how real he feels. Even if she wants to leave this ��shithole of an apartment” for some semblance of peace and quiet, she knows Johnny will only follow. He’s tethered to her for what could possibly be the rest of her life.

And yet, no matter how big of an asshole Silverhand was, she’s grown fond of his presence.

Not that she would mention it out loud. Ever.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out,” V simply states, wondering what the point in Johnny asking her that question when he could easily find it out for himself was.

It’s truly unfair how he can read her thoughts, but she can’t read any of his.

He chuckles low. “Gon’ pay a joy toy to fuck tonight?”

“No, I’m going out for a drive, distract myself from that shitshow earlier. You better leave me alone.”

“Well, I’m a little insulted,” Johnny snorts, feigning offense. “I thought you liked my company.”

“I’m tired of your company. You never shut that mouth of yours.”

Before V could head to the door, she feels a metal hand encircling her wrist, holding her in place. She glances behind her, meeting Johnny’s deep, dark eyes, which hid a multitude of secrets. It’s been a while since she has felt a touch that wasn’t full of malice. Though his palm is cold from the material it’s made out of, a distinct heat spreads through her body—

It was a familiar warmth, one that radiates from V at his mere touch.

And when Johnny’s lips curl into a shit-eating grin, she knows that he has sensed it too.

“Shut my mouth? I think I can do something else much better than that.”

Johnny’s gravelly voice fuels the desire burning deep within V as he pulls her closer, her feet moving at their own accord. “God, I wish you came with an off-switch.”

“Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying this little game we’ve been playing.”

V doesn’t respond, her pulse quickening with anticipation. She lets out a shuddering moan when Johnny leans in, his hot breath grazing her silky skin before his lips crash against hers, possessively. He floods V’s senses all at once as he hungrily kisses her, letting him take the reins.

It would be a lie for V to say she’s never pictured a moment like this. A moment where she finally succumbs to Johnny’s charm and allows him to lay claim on her. It’s always been a constant dance between the two, a chemistry disguised as indifference, a craving left unspoken. Amidst the degrading insults and the snarky attitudes, deep down, they have always wanted the same thing—

To fuck each other’s brains out.

“Still tired of my company, V?”

“Just shut the fuck up for once and take off your pants.”

The grin on his face hasn’t disappeared. It only grows broader. “Ask, and you shall receive.”

Johnny roughly grabs V at the waist, his fingers curling underneath the hem of her shirt as he pushes her towards the bed. His mouth latches onto her neck, no doubt marking her for all of Night City to see.

They fell onto the mattress without finesse, similar to how V kisses Johnny feverishly, all tongue and teeth. Void of tenderness and only driven by the urgency of lust. She was too distracted by her want to care for the taste of tobacco from his last smoke. The hands traveling every inch of V’s frame lights up a fire in her, bringing a high that no drug on the black market could ever do.

Surprisingly, Johnny allows her to take the lead for a bit when she straddles him, his hardening cock pressing up against her aching cunt. She gages his reaction as she grinds on his clothed erection, a wicked smile forming to the sight of him being teased.

“You like that, huh? Fuck, I can’t wait to have you inside of me.” She feels herself growing wetter and wetter, losing patience just as swiftly as the man under her.

Without warning, Johnny flips them both over, the length of his body now pressed against hers from above. He wastes no time peeling V’s shirt and bra off, pausing for the briefest of seconds to admire her bare breasts. His cybernetic hand squeezes one soft mound as his lips descend on the other. She moans, and they were pure music to his ears, sounds that were so beautiful he could write endless songs about them.

“J-Johnny,” V stutters out his name, unable to contain herself anymore. She doesn’t remember the last time someone has quickly reduced her into a mess, and desperately she wanted, needed more.

The way his name trembles from her mouth drives Johnny into a frenzy, simpering at the fact he really hasn’t done much yet, but it was enough to leave V quivering. She looks too sinful beneath Johnny, too delectable. He’s well-aware of how long she’s gone without sex, and he’s now bent on ending that sad streak of hers.

Hastily, Johnny removes V’s pants and underwear in one quick go, his gaze devouring her beauty like a starved man staring at his meal. “Wow, you’re fucking drenched down there.”

“Fuck,” she gasps, one hand reaching forward to grip at his lengthy locks as soon as he delves in to taste her dripping nectar for the first time.

“You enjoying yourself there, baby?” Johnny’s inquiry needs no response. He could already tell she is solely by the way her eyes flutter shut, her head lolling to the side.

One lick. Two licks. Three. He surely knew how to work that deft tongue of his.

Johnny’s cock continues to throb in the confines of his trousers as his lips encircle V’s swollen bud, but he doesn’t end there. She wants more, and he’s willing to give her just that.

More.

V squirms when two chrome fingers enter her heat, stretching out her walls to prepare her for the serious pounding coming up. She’s lost in the sensations, unable to form a coherent thought or word. Johnny’s tempo was slow at first; tantalizing, nearly torturous. But once he starts moving faster, pumping even harder and reaching that sweet, sweet spot of hers, she begins to pant wildly as she fucks herself on his hand to get more friction.

“Holy shit, you’re a goddess,” he croaks after pulling back to study the needy woman looking back at him through half-lidded eyes. V is tight around his fingers, and he could only imagine how it would be like with his cock buried deep inside her instead.

Each rough stroke of Johnny’s digits against her wet walls brought V closer and closer to the brink of orgasm, her moans increasing in both volume and frequency. He urges her to let go, whispering into her ear how he wants to see and feel her coming. The gruffness in his tone turned her on even more, and V soon finds herself falling over the precipice, flushing hot with euphoria as Johnny watches, awestruck.

Satisfied, he beams at his work, which was only half of what he intends to do this evening. Being gracious, Johnny gives V an ample minute to recover, using the downtime to wipe the glistening wetness coating his beard before tasting the juices he’s collected.

Delicious, he thinks. She tastes as good as she looks.

V eventually comes back to her senses, propping herself up on her elbows as she gazes at Johnny with an almost dazed expression. “Perhaps the rumors are actually true.”

“Which one?” Silverhand asks, ridding himself of his clothes at the foot of her bed.

V pauses prior to answering, the sound of metal clinking filling the air as he unbuckles his belt, stripping off his leather pants afterwards.

“That you’re the best pussy eater in town,” she then reveals, glancing up briefly to see the smug look on his face before her gaze falls to his groin again.

Of course, Johnny chooses to go commando, and no, she wasn’t shocked at all.  

Silently, she marvels at the dick nestled in a thick bush of dark hair. Girthy and long with a slight curve upwards, the thought of it being inside her, barely fitting, made her mouth water. He wasn’t lying when he casually mentioned having an impressive cock.

It definitely did not disappoint.

“Oh sweetheart, that was nothing,” Johnny declares before climbing back on top of V, settling in between her legs. “The main act is just beginning.”

She doesn’t wait for Johnny to kiss her. In an instant, V’s lips were on his, her tongue pushing into his mouth, faintly tasting herself at the same time. Meanwhile, Johnny grips the base of his leaking cock, rubbing its engorged head against her slick folds that had her breathing heavily. V cants her hips impatiently, and through their kiss, he chuckles at her eagerness.

“So desperate for my cock, aren’t you?” Johnny husks mockingly. “How badly do you want me, slut? I wanna hear you say it.”

A moan escapes her throat at his words as he rubs his tip against her clit. V wants him so, so bad that she’s begging incessantly, something she never does in any of her past fucks. Usually, she was in complete control, never the one to relinquish her power.

Maybe that was the reason why V was utterly drunk with pleasure from this steamy session with Johnny. It’s good not to be in control for once.

“Shit, Johnny. Please, just fuck me already. Fill me up,” V pleads, now helpless at this point. She has to come again, this time around his cock. She repeats her keening over and over again, hoping that it was enough to feed into Johnny’s ego and finally show her mercy.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…”

Tugging at his cock, Johnny forces V’s legs to spread wider as she waits for him, mesmerized. Her pussy was soaked from his ministrations, but when he starts pushing into V, the burning stretch of her walls trying to accommodate his thick length leaves her in tears.

Those tears, however, weren’t entirely from the pain. V was also shedding tears because of how full Johnny makes her feel.

“Fucking hell, V,” he groans as she clamps down on him. “You’re so fucking tight. Damn, why didn’t we do this sooner?”

“We were too busy pretending to hate each other,” V replies, digging her nails into Johnny’s back when he begins to move.

His thrusts are slow but rough— as if he’s getting accustomed to the wondrous feeling of being inside of V. It doesn’t last long, though. Johnny has always been a hard and fast kind of guy, the one that does two or three more rounds before passing out. He’s bragged about his amazing stamina as well, and despite V believing she could match it, she probably won’t be able to tonight.

Not when he’s fucking her into the mattress like this for their very first time together.

Johnny’s brutal pace doesn’t falter. He pounds into V harder, faster, rougher; as if his life depends on it, the obscene sounds of flesh slapping against flesh bouncing off every corner of the room. His slick pre-come mixes with her honeyed essence, allowing him to seamlessly reach the depths of her center. Sweat drips down the side of his face as he maneuvers his mechanical hand to wrap around V’s delicate neck, adding pressure when she doesn’t resist.

“That’s it, baby,” Johnny growls next to her ear, rolling his hips as he squeezes her throat tighter. “You’re making me feel so good. I’ve always known you were a dirty whore.”

V’s gasping and thrashing, but she doesn’t want him to stop. She loves the rush of blood through her head far too much, especially with Johnny slamming harshly into her. It gives her a thrill she has never experienced with anyone else. Pretty sure he’s ruining her for others.

But whether this was part of his intentions or not, V doesn’t know. Nor she cares enough to figure it out.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl for me, V. Look at you, taking all of my cock like the fucking slut you are. You’ve wanted this for a while, haven’t you? You practically dream about me every night, and don’t you deny it.”

She doesn’t. Johnny was right, though it doesn’t really matter at this very second. His hold on V loosens for her to speak, and she inhales as much air her lungs could possibly take. She could feel it again, the ultimate high she’s been chasing once more. Johnny’s shaft dragging against her pulsing walls brings her even closer to it, building up the pleasure rising in the pit of her stomach.

“I-I’m close,” V warns, the pressure inside her threatening to break free. “Shit, Johnny, I’m gonna come soon.”

Johnny’s hips jerked harder, causing V to cry out. “Yeah? You’re gonna come? Don’t worry, I’m gonna make sure you come on my cock.”

Halting, he drapes her left leg over his shoulder, allowing him to slide in deeper than he has before. Johnny then pushes his metallic thumb into V’s mouth, and without prompt, she swirls her tongue around it, coating it with her saliva. Not missing a beat, his movement resumes, all bruising and all punishing. He brings his wetted finger on her sensitive pearl, stroking it as if he’s playing his guitar on stage.

The change in angle proves to be the final straw for V, who’s litany of high-pitch moans spurs Johnny to fuck her even more forcefully. Again and again, she takes everything he gives her, and in turn, she encourages him to follow her into the abyss. Her pussy caresses his cock with every frantic push and pull, and she notices how he’s gradually picking up speed, losing his rhythm in the process.

“Your cunt belongs to mine now,” Johnny mutters, gritting his teeth, and it’s becoming clear to V that he’s holding back just for her. “Come on, V. Let go, let go for me.”

Lust-blown eyes lock with V’s own, wordlessly urging her one last time to come undone. Several sharp thrusts later, she finds herself clenching around Johnny’s cock, her orgasm shooting through her like a rain of bullets. Unabashedly, V shouts as her vision whitens, intense waves of ecstasy washing over her shaking body. She’s too absorbed in bliss to realize right away that Johnny was still in her, dick hard and ready for a similar release.

Once she finds her bearings, V grinds her hips against Johnny’s, and immediately, his nails dig into her as he begins to move inside her yet again.

“Don’t stop, Johnny,” she purrs, watching him fuck her with both fast and long strokes. “I want you to cum deep inside me, baby. Shit, I want it so badly. Please, give it to me. Please…”

With a strained moan, Johnny suddenly climaxes, snarling as he shoots searing ropes of his thick, creamy cum into V, painting her inner walls with white. His features contort with pleasure as he throws his head back, his breathing shallow and ragged. When his heart rate returns somewhat back to normal, he slowly pulls his softening cock out, smirking at the sight of his load dripping out of her.

Afterwards, he flops down beside V with a huff, joining her as she stares blankly up at the ceiling. Johnny clears his throat as he shifts closer to V, who instinctively rests her head on his chest. His cyber arm curls around her, and she sighs deeply, seemingly content.

“How about that for a fucking distraction?” He says, recalling how the two of them got here in the place. “Don’t even have to go on a ride to clear your mind. Feel free to ride me instead.”

V laughs at his jest. “It was a great fuck, the best one I’ve ever had if I’m honest. But I’m still going after Cruz.”

Johnny hums in response, seeing V’s weary eyes growing heavier. “Fine, but just to let you know, what happened between us isn’t a one-time thing.”

“Fuck, I hope not. You’re stuck with me till the end of the world, buddy.”

“It’s a good thing you have an amazing pussy then.”

V smacks him lightly as exhaustion begins to take over. Sure, she was still pissed she didn’t get her eddies, but at least now she knows the prick named Johnny Silverhand was surprisingly a cuddler.

And that piece of information was worth gold.

Permanent Tags:   @penwieldingdreamer @keandrews @feminine-machinegun @fanficsrusz @thehumanistsdiary @flaminasteroid @rowserein​ @unaspiringwritings​ @planetkt​ @breakthenight​ @baphometwolf666 @rdjloverxxx

[breanime]

His Vows (with Bonus Boy)

Pure fluff ahead!

Billy Russo: Never in a million years did Billy ever think he’d be marrying someone--much less someone he actually loved. Affection, loyalty, vulnerability, those things that were required for love came hard to him. And yet, with you, he felt them. Looking at you made him feel incredibly strong and somehow especially weak, like he could take on the world, but only if you were by his side. The orphan in him wanted to spend thousands on your wedding, wanted to make a statement, a declaration for everyone to see. But the man in him knew better. The man in him--only recently discovered through your support--didn’t need to impress strangers, didn’t need the approval of his “betters”. He only needed you. So as Billy stood in front of the judge, Frank and Curtis at his side, your parents and best friend behind you, he knew this was right. You told him you didn’t want a big wedding, didn’t need the fanfare, and that alone was enough to make Billy, over 100 confirmed kills under his belt, fall to his knees in devotion. You only wanted him. He reached out then, taking your hand in his, and let the small audience around you fade into the background. “Despite what my guys at Anvil might say,” he began with a slight smirk, “I’m not really one for speeches,” he paused, hearing Frank’s scoff and Curtis’ chuckle, before going on, “so I’ll keep this brief. I never thought I’d have this. Growing up, my only goal was to become somebody, and even then, that was more about proving something to myself than anything else. But then I met you. And damn,” he shook his head, his smirk turning into a rare, genuine smile, “if you didn’t change everything. So thank you. Thank you for making me into the man I am today, and thank you for staying with me, working with me, being so patient with me. I love you, and I promise, from this day forward, I will do everything in my power to make sure you’re the happiest person on the planet,” he looked into your shining eyes, a sense of certainty going through him, an instinctual push that let him know that he was doing the right thing, “I love you, and I’m so happy to be your husband.”

Logan Delos: As soon as you and Logan had walked down the aisle, officially man and wife, Logan pulled you away. “Logan,” you laughed as he led you down a hall, “what are you doing?” “I’m having a private moment with my wife,” he answered, opening a door and pulling you into the spare room with him, “My wife. Mrs. Logan Delos,” he grinned down at you, “Fuck... How’d I get so lucky?” You laughed, and Logan reached over and held your face in his hands, staring down at the rest of his life. “I’m serious... How did I get so lucky? I mean... I’m a perpetual fuck up, the bane of my father’s existence and still, despite all of that... I got you,” he sighed sweetly, “I love you, princess. I’m gonna love you till the day I die, and maybe even after that too,” he smiled at your responding laugh, “Definitely after that. Fuck,” he let out a breath, laughing at the end of it, “I just... I just won at life, babe. I mean--look at you. Look at us! I always thought I’d spend the rest of my life in-between lovers, just waking up smothered in a sea of dicks and--” “--You realize we’re in a church, right?” You deadpanned. He laughed--Logan laughed a lot when he was with you--and he leaned down and kissed you, his tongue slipping into your mouth as you moaned against his lips. “Ah ah,” he teased, pulling back with a smirk, “you know we’re in a church, right? But seriously, babe... I never thought I’d be a one-woman guy. But you... You’re all that I want. You’re everything. You just... You just came into my life and changed everything. I was just running around, fucking around... and you just burst in and gave me... Purpose,” he sighed happily, “It wasn’t until I met you that I realized why I was put on this earth. I was born to be yours. I was born to marry you and love you and take care of you, and I will,” he leaned down and kissed you now, his kiss soft and slow, nothing but love in his touch, “I will.... So now, let’s go get drunk and dance so we can get out of here, and I can really show you how I feel.”

Jax Teller: “I promise to treat you as good as my leather,” Jax recited, that famous Teller smirk on his face. You laughed as the room erupted in cheers and applause, and Jax kissed you. He was smiling when he pulled back, those blue eyes of his twinkling with love for you and you alone. “I really lucked out when you agreed to be my Old Lady,” he said, his voice making the laughs die down, all eyes on him, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life... especially with love,” he admitted, “I was stubborn and ignorant and lost, but even through all that... You were there. You kept me grounded, you showed me what it meant to be a man and an outlaw, taught me how to reconcile those parts of myself, and for that... I’ll always be grateful to you, darlin’. You understand me--all the parts of me. I don’t ever have to worry about how to tell you things, or keep things from you. You get the club life. You support me. Hell,” he chuckled, “even my Mom likes you, and we all know what a tough sell she is.” The crowd laughed, and when you glanced over at Gemma, she had tears in her eyes. She gave you a small, approving nod, and that, coupled with Jax’s words, had you crying too. Jax laughed, gently reaching out and wiping your tears away with his thumb, “I love you. And I’m gonna love you for the rest of my life. No matter what life throws at us, I know we can handle it. You and me... we’re meant to be together, baby. We’ve been through enough to know that that’s true,” he smiled down at you, a soft, special smile on his face that was just for you, “I know everyday isn’t gonna be perfect. There’s gonna be times when we argue, but I promise you--here and now, in front of everyone we love, that I will never go to bed angry at you. I promise to always do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe, and happy, and protected,” he leaned a little closer to you, every inch of him devoted to you and you alone, “I promise that I will be the husband and the man you deserve. And, most importantly... I promise to ride you as much as my Harley.” The room erupted in laughter again, and you were still laughing--and crying--when your husband kissed you again. You knew, from that kiss, that he would keep his promises to you. Every single one. 

Coco Cruz: “I’m not... I’m not fucking great at this,” Coco began, his hands in yours, his eyes darting around the room, “You know, public speaking and all that shit... But, uh, I think it’s important to, uh... To speak my truth, so...” He took a breath, and you squeezed his hands in yours, and that was enough to calm his raging heart. Coco looked at you, his wife, and felt a completeness that he’d never imagined he’d feel in his life. He swallowed, willing himself to speak. “Everybody knows that, when I became a Mayan, when I joined the MC, it changed my life. I was in a bad place, you know? Just came back from Iraq, my mind was all messed up. But the MC helped me get right, you know? And then there was you, and all of a sudden, I realized... I was made for you,” he leaned forward a bit, swaying as he spoke, his hair blocking everyone but you from his sight, “I used to think my life was just some sick fucking joke. Then, when I became a Mayan, I thought it was all about being a warrior, being a brother--and it is. But there’s more to it then that. I didn’t realize until I met you, but... I was born to be with you. From the second I saw you, I knew I needed you. I need you way more than you need me,” he smiled, a soft chuckle coming from his lips, “It’s true,” he turned, addressing his brothers, “You guys remember what it was like, right? When we first started dating?” He was met with low murmurs and laughter. “I was a fucking mess,” he laughed, “I kept asking Taza and Hank how to be a good boyfriend. And somehow Angel ended up giving me advice, which was basically just ‘man up’,” he chuckled, his eyes twinkling as he looked at you, “I just... I just need to say, you’re perfect. And I know you don’t like when I say that, but it’s true. You’re perfect to me. Even when you’re a fucking raging psychopath,” he chuckled at your fake incredulous look, “you’re perfect. You help me see past the bullshit, help me see that life don’t just gotta be some fucking struggle... You make me happy, man. So happy. And I just want to make you happy, too. I want to be a good husband to you, and I’m gonna try. And even on days when shit ain’t perfect, I will still love you with all my heart, so...” He took a breath, his heart pounding as he looked down at you, his perfect person, his wife. “... Let’s fucking party!” You laughed, wiping your happy tears as the room erupted in cheers and the sounds of beer bottles clanking together. This was the first day of the rest of your life, and you couldn’t be happier for it. 

Angel Reyes: Angel sighed, his eyes welling up with tears. “This,” he began, stopping when he heard the sound of his own voice breaking. He cleared his throat, “This is... This isn’t how I imagined it. Like, when I was a kid, I mean. Like, not to be soft and everything, but... I used to think about this day, you know? Me marrying some dope girl, being in love, my family here to celebrate. So I mean... I’m happy,” he nodded, “I’m so... Man, I’m so happy. I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy, just... I feel like... Like I was incomplete before this, you know? Like this woman... she’s the other part of my soul. And I’m so happy, it’s crazy. It’s scary. I keep waiting to mess it up, keep waiting to say or do something to bring it all crumbling down, but... it won’t. I trust that it won’t,” he nodded again, meaning the words he spoke with all of his heart. Angel reached out, his fingers--adorned with no other ring but his wedding ring--brushing against his mother’s altar, “Watching you and Pop... I always wanted a love like yours, and now I got it, and I’m so happy, Ma... I am, but,” he blinked, the first tear falling, “...but I wish you were here to see it. I wish you could have met her; I wish she could have met you. You would have loved her, Ma. Pops loves her, EZ loves her--I tell her about you, but... But it’s not the same,” he wiped his tear, shaking his head a bit, “I know you’re looking down at us from Heaven, I know you see us, see her,” he sniffled, swallowing his tears, “And that’s good enough for me,” he chuckled lowly, “I know you saw when we first met, saw me pulling that machismo crap, trying to impress her. You saw it ain’t work, either,” he laughed again, “I bet it was you that gave me the idea to bring her lunch at work, wasn’t it? Yeah... That has you written all over it, Ma,” he tapped her urn, smiling warmly at the memories, “I love her so much... And I know you would have loved her, too. I just... I want to be a good husband to her... a good father---someday--to our kids,” he took a breath, “So, Ma, please... Be with me now like you were with me when I proposed, give me that same courage and certainty you gave me before, yeah? Cause in a minute, I’m about to go out there in front of all our family and friends, and I’m about to commit myself to this woman for the rest of my life, and I... I need you with me, Mami,” satisfied, he kissed two fingers and pressed them against his mother’s urn, “Thank you.” He straightened up, fixing his hair and wiping his eyes again. Nodding to himself, he walked off, murmuring, “Good chat...” all the way to the altar. 

Miguel Galindo: “I am not a man who can easily admit he was wrong,” Miguel began, chuckling along with the rest of the church at his words, “Okay,” he admitted, shaking his head a bit, “I never admit I was wrong,” he paused, looking into your eyes, and he felt that familiar tug in his chest that he always felt when he looked at you--pure love. “But I was wrong. As many of you know, I was married once before. And I thought that I’d spend the rest of my life with that person. I was wrong,” he reached out for your hand, taking it in his, the warmth of it spreading through his entire body, all the way into his heart, “I was wrong, and I have never been happier to admit that. Because from that failure, came you. And I’m thankful for you every moment of every day,” he smiled, and your heart flipped in your chest at the sight of your soon-to-be-husband, “It isn’t easy to be with me, I know,” he nodded, giving you a silent acknowledgment, “But you... You just know me. You know how to read me, how to get me to talk when I don’t want to,” he laughed, “how to shut me up when I want to talk... I’m at your mercy. And what’s more,” he leaned forward a bit, “...I like it,” his smile widened at the sight of yours, “I remember the day that I realized that I needed you in my life for the long haul. It was when we flew to Iceland. You fell asleep against my shoulder. You were so tired... And I was too. I was frustrated and tired and irritated, but when I looked down at you... Mi amor, I felt nothing but gratefulness. Grateful to have you in my life, grateful to be able to have you by my side, to have you as mine. I’ve been blessed with many great things; a wonderful son, multiple successful businesses, a beautiful home... But it’s you, my love, you who makes me take a step back and really see how lucky I am. Because all of the money in the world would mean nothing if I didn’t have you to share it with,” he reached out and wiped your budding tears, smiling fondly at you, “I love you,” was all he said before he was kissing you, and the resulting applause blooming around you was nothing but white noise with Miguel’s lips against yours. He whispered something against your lips as the church applause your love, just a short, simple sentence that had you crying with love. “Thank you, mi amor, for proving me wrong.”

Nick Amaro: “Gil and Zara and I are so happy to welcome you into our family,” Nick said, giving a special smile to ring-bearer Gil and flower-girl Zara, both of whom grinned back at him, Zara flashing you a quick wave, “Gil keeps saying that I took too long, and Zara says I should have just married you months ago, and they’re both right,” he laughed, “But I wanted to give you this--the wedding, the reception--because I know this is important to you. It’s important to me, too,” he took a breath, looking down at your intertwined fingers before looking up again, smiling at your beautiful face, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, my career, but you...” He sighed happily, “I know I can get in my own head a lot, but somehow, with you... It just seems like everything falls into place. I mean... That’s your power. You just make everything seem so easy. I see you with the kids, with your job, with me,” he chuckled, “And it’s like you instinctively know what to do, how to handle me. You make it look easy, and you can ask Olivia, dealing with me, isn’t easy.” He looked over at Olivia, her eyes shining with approval as she watched you together. “But you do. For good or bad, better or worse,” he took your hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a quick kiss to the back of it, “I love you. Completely. Totally. And I’m going to continue on loving you until the day I die,” his smile reached his eyes, and they shimmered with love for you, “And probably even after that, to be honest. Every morning when I wake up and see your face, when I hear you and the kids laughing, when I see the joy you bring into our lives... It makes me feel so... secure,” he nodded, pleased at his choice of words, “And you know better than anyone how hard that is for me: to feel secure. You just... You make everything easier, more manageable... And everything I do from here on out is for you and the kids. I love you...Mrs. Amaro.”

Johnny Tuturro: Johnny couldn’t stop smiling. His mom was there, his Graceland family was there, and most importantly--the future Mrs. Johnny Tuturro was standing in front of him, just minutes away from becoming his wife. “Alright, alright, alright,” Johnny began, “Everybody shut up, I got somethin’ to say!” Jakes groaned in the crowd, “Jesus, Johnny, then just say it!” “Don’t rush him,” you called back, giving Jakes a friendly glare. Johnny laughed, kissing your cheek, “Thank you, baby,” he stood up straight, “Look, anyone with eyes can see that my girl is fly,” he started, making everyone laugh, “But for real, the moment I saw her, I knew she was different. I mean, she’s gorgeous, yeah, but she’s also smart, brave, a certified badass--sorry for cussin’, Ma--and the love of my life,” he smiled down at you, eyes soft, “I love you, I love you, I love you. And I am so happy to be making you my wife,” he turned pointing off into the audience at Briggs, “Which by the way--ha HA! I knew she wouldn’t go for you! Best bet I ever took, seeing which one of us was gonna get your number... though I ain’t gonna lie, you had me scared for a moment there when you started getting chummy with Charlie,” he chuckled, “But I was the lucky one. That was the start of the rest of my life, and I want to make every day we have together a perfect day. No matter what life throws at us, what happens at work, what we go through as people or as a couple, we’re always gonna have each other’s backs. Me and you,” he went on, “We were meant to be, baby. Fated. And baby, I promise you, I will be the best husband I can be. Because that’s what you deserve. And as happy as I am to be here with you right now, in front of all of our friends and families... Man, I can’t wait to get out of here and just be with you,” he grinned, and you could see the dirty promise behind those sweet words, “I’m crazy about you, baby girl, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” he leaned in, kissing you, his next words whispered, so only you could hear him, “can’t wait to have married sex in the limo, either...” 

Rio: When you woke up, the late morning sun painting your body in its light, the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was Rio’s eyes. They were soft and warm, that deep brown peering down at you and making you feel like the most beloved person on the planet. Which, of course, you were. “So?” He asked, caressing the side of your face with two of those long, sinewy fingers. “So what?” You asked, already in a daze from the softness of his voice and the sweet smile on his face. “So what do you think? How’d the first night of matrimony go? You ready to give back my dowry yet? Sell me back to my father?” You laughed, cuddling closer to him. “Nah, I think I’ll keep you. I mean, you did come with a cow and two chickens, so I guess you’re worth it.” He wrapped his arms around you, and you closed your eyes, melting into his touch. “I love you,” he said, his voice muffled as he buried his face in the crown of your head. “Love you, too,” you said back, rubbing his back. “Hey,” he pulled back a bit, looking down at you, “Yesterday was perfect,” he began, “The wedding, the reception... I ain’t never seen Marcus so excited to talk as he was when he gave his speech.” “Oh, don’t remind me,” you sighed, smiling at the memory, “I cried so hard; it was such a good speech.” “Yeah,” he nodded, kissing your forehead, “He was so proud to be able to tell you how much he loves you,” Rio sighed, “but, here’s the thing, mama... There was one thing about yesterday that I wish I could change.” You frowned, “What?” “I kinda wish we would’ve done vows,” he admitted. “Really?” You asked, eyes wide. You and Rio had decided early on not to have vows, you’d both agreed that it was so private, you didn’t want to make a spectacle out of your love. But hearing him say that he’d wished he’d given you his vows had your heart pounding. He nodded, “Yeah. So... I was thinkin’... Maybe I could say my vows now. I mean, I ain’t write nothing down or anything, but I just wanted to say... I love you. I love what you’ve done to me, to Marcus... I love the way you brighten up my life, how you accepted my son with open arms, how you work so well with me, the way you inspire me, the way you make me want to flip my game. I love how I can tell you everything, how I never have to hide any parts of myself with you,” he titled your chin up, smiling down at you, “I love having you as my wife. I love you, Mrs. Rivera.” He kissed you then, and you kissed him back, sighing against his lips, pressing yourself against him. “So,” he grinned, “How was that? Decent vows?” You laughed, kissing his nose, “Perfect.”

Bonus Boy

Tommy Shelby: “I have something I want to say,” Tommy announced. Everyone in the church grew silent, and you couldn’t help but notice the small smile on Jeremiah’s face as he turned to you. Every eye was on you, and you turned to Tommy, curious as to what he was about to say. “I want it known,” he started, his voice booming through the church, “That this is the last time I’m ever getting married, because this is the woman I was always meant to be with,” he looked over at you, those brilliant blue eyes piercing right through your soul, “Me whole life, I’ve spent planning, thinking, rethinking. Every move I’ve made as a businessman has been a calculated one, but with you,” he said, his focus on you and you alone, “It’s all instinct. I don’t have to overthink or second guess with you, because I can feel that you’re what’s right. You’re what’s been missing. And now that I have you... Well, there’s peace. Peace in me head and me heart that I thought had left for good. And I have you to thank for that. So now, I want to make you a promise, and I want to make it in front of all of our family and friends, because if nothing else, I know Aunt Pol, Jeremiah, and our Ada will make sure I keep it,” he gave you a small smile, and just that one gesture was enough to have you nearly swooning, “So here it is. I promise, from this moment, till the day I die, to always love, honor, and respect you. I will never lie to you, I will never leave you. I am yours,” he promised, “Every part of me; even the parts I don’t like, belong to you. And everyone,” his voice got a bit louder, and he turned a bit, addressing the crowd, “will know that you are Mrs. Tommy Shelby, and they will treat you accordingly.” You smiled; his words were as much an announcement as a threat. “Now, Jeremiah,” he said, a friendly note coming back into his voice, “Let’s get on with this ceremony, eh? I want to take my bride to London.” 

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[shesmyboot]

Summary: When you and Kelly have a fight about your relationship, you both start to have second thoughts

Words: 559

Warnings: mentions of injuries, couple disputes

Tagging: @sylviebrettisaswiftie @mrspeacem1nusone (Click here to join my taglist or just send an ask!)

Notes: ITS MY BIRTHDAY and I’m very excited, in case you can’t tell! This is another favourite! (I think I say this about all my Kelly Severide x reader fics) My plan is to post on Ao3 later, but who knows! Cover is made by a Pinterest friend who just joined tumblr! Go give Megs some love! @megslovesjosiesaltzman

Read Part 2 Here!

“We’re engaged,” you yelled, angrily making the bed.

“I know,” he yelled back.

“That means we need to spend time together, planning our wedding, learning more about each other.”

“It was two nights with the guys!”

“Back to back, which means I didn’t see you for four nights straight!”

“I’m sorry that I wanted to spend time with the guys, and I’m sorry that I work 24 hour shifts.”

Kelly grabbed his bag and walked out of the room to the apartment door.

“Where are you going?” you asked, storming out of the bedroom.

“To work. To make money for this wedding you are planning,” he replied, opening the door.

“How did we get here? How did we get to fighting?”

“I can’t- I can’t do this right now. I need to go to work.”

Kelly slammed the door.

You slid down the wall beside you, crying.

—

A few hours after Kelly left the apartment, you sent him a text.

I’m sorry I lashed out like that. I love you, have a good day

No reply. All day. Every time you took a break from work, you checked your phone and still, nothing.

—

Kelly walked in the door after his shift, you working at your computer.

“I got your text,” he said.

“Good,” you nodded back, “want some breakfast?”

“I ate at the firehouse.”

“Okay.”

The two of you sat down on the couch. You leaned up beside him, giving him a hug.

“So tell me about the call,” you requested, running your fingers through his hair.

“What call?” Kelly asked you.

“The one that keeps bothering you, Kelly.”

“Do you really want to hear about the MVA we responded to?”

“Yeah.”

“It was this couple, been together a while, married, I think.”

You nodded.

“They were fighting. The guy was driving, he swerved because she tried to slap him,” he explained.

“What?!?!”

“Yeah,” Kelly chuckled slightly.

“Cruz, Stella, Casey and I started extricating them. The guy was DOA, the woman died, before she even got in the ambo,” he continued, “Her last words were “How did we get here?”

“I said that this morning,” you connected.

“Yeah. Maybe we are more similar to a married couple, who hates each other, than we think we are.”

The room went silent.

“I don’t think we should get married,” you sighed.

“I love you,” he replied.

“I love you too. I love you so much that I think you deserve someone better than me. Someone who gets your lifestyle, like that firefighter.”

“Which one? What are you talking about?”

“Stella Kidd.”

“Stella? No, we’re just friends.”

“I see the way you two look at each other, the amount of love you have for each other. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“We just work together, it’s not like that.”

“Kelly. Just now you called her by her first name, unlike your other colleagues, who you called by their last names.”

You got up off the couch and went into your bedroom. You crawled into bed and pulled the blankets up, your sign that you were going to bed.

You grabbed your phone and heard Kelly leaving, his footsteps sounded just like when he was going to any event Stella would be at.

You sent Stella a text.

You’re Welcome

You put your phone down and went to sleep.

[deanstead]

Not Going Anywhere

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader

Request by anon: Maybe reader is the paramedic who came in after Shay died and Kelly was really hard on her because of what he’s going through. Reader is just super nice and there for everyone so people end up calling her sunshine. Slowly Kelly realizes he’s falling for her??

Warnings: angst, a little fluff, mentions of death/loss

A/N: Wasn’t totally sure about how to write this request, so it took a little longer than I would have liked but I hope you like what I did with it! Please let me know what you think, I always love reading your replies/reblog tags!! Thanks for dropping by, taglists and Kelly requests are open!

---

It had been a few months since you had started at 51 and you really liked it here. 

It was always difficult starting at a new job but it was even more difficult when the circumstances were that someone had died on the job. Yet, despite those circumstances, things had turned out pretty well.

It had taken a little while but everyone had mostly warmed up to you.

Everyone except Kelly Severide.

He’d snapped at you a few times but on most days, he was indifferent at best.

That didn’t stop you from trying though. Not by a long shot.

That’s what you thought as you put the cup of coffee onto his table, slipping out just before he breezed into his office.

Kelly looked at the coffee cup on his table, glancing at you through his office window before sitting down. That was a better reaction than the first time you had done it - you remembered how he had snapped at you back then.

“Hey sunshine, get over here.” You looked up at Herrmann motioning to you and smiled, turning to take another glance at Kelly.

“You have tenacity, I’ll give you that.” Herrmann said, glancing up at Kelly. “What is it about him?”

You shrugged. “I just… feel it. He needs this, I know it.” You said as you followed Herrmann back into the common room.

Casey got up from where he was sitting with Gabby and headed towards the coffee pot. “He doesn’t know it yet but he needs this.”

You sipped your coffee. “You mean pestering?”

Casey smiled. “Caring.” He paused, “No one does it like you do. It’s only been a few months and look at how you fit in here.”

You laughed. “If that’s your way of saying I’m nosy…”

Casey laughed. “I’m saying, you’re exactly what we needed. Thanks, Y/L/N.”

---

Kelly sat on his couch, two empty bottles of beer sitting on the table, and he was still holding the third one in his hand. The television was on but he was barely paying attention to it as he looked around the empty place.

The doorbell rang and Kelly looked up, stumbling to his feet to open it.

The door swung open, revealing you standing on the other side, clutching a paper bag.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. “What the hell?”

You didn’t say anything but pushed the paper bag into his hands. “You can hate me, don’t take it out on the food.”

Kelly just stared at you as you put up your hand in the form of a greeting and walked away.

Kelly closed the door, a little confused and put the paper bag of food down on the table, his gaze lingering on it.

He sighed. He had regretted it immediately the few times he had been a little too harsh with you for something he knew was out of your control. But it hadn’t seemed to faze you, the next moment you were smiling and breezing your way through the firehouse as if nothing had happened.

You intrigued him but the dull gaping hole that Shay had left behind still hurt. More than he was willing to admit out loud to anyone. He could almost feel a literal hole that had opened up in his chest that seemed to be swallowing him up whole.

Kelly took another swig from the bottle in his hand before his eyes fell on the brown paper bag that was sitting on the table. He paused, before he sighed. Finally, he putt down the bottle and pulled the paper bag towards him, finally digging into it.

---

Casey smiled at you as you walked into the common room.

“Y/L/N!”

You stopped in your tracks, turning to look at him. “Hey, Casey, what’s up?”

“I don’t know what you said to him, but whatever it was, it worked.”

Otis and Cruz looked up as well. You frowned, pouring coffee into a mug before heading for the empty chair opposite Otis.

“What do you mean?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“He ate.” Casey simply said, pulling back his chair. You couldn’t stop the smile spreading across your face but didn’t say anything.

That was progress.

You smiled just as Kelly walked in, his eyes moving around the common room before they landed on you. You paused, holding the eye contact for a moment before letting your eyes drop back down.

Kelly studied you for a while more before he turned towards the kitchen.

Otis looked at you. “Hey, what’s going on with you and Severide?”

“What?” You said, looking up. “Nothing’s going on.”

Otis gave you a look. “I’m serious. Nothing’s going on. I barely even talk to him man.”

“You don’t think we’ve noticed the coffee runs?” Cruz leaned in now.

You rolled your eyes. “I just think he needs someone in his corner. That’s all.”

Otis and Cruz continued to stare at you before you rolled your eyes. “If I’m lucky he won’t snap at me.”

And indeed, lucky you weren’t.

Barely half a day had gone by but the ambulance had been on three different calls. You sat in the back of the ambulance now, arranging the supplies you had left while waiting for Mills to come back with more so that you could replenish the stock.  

You looked up when you heard footsteps thinking it was your PIC.

“And about time, too, this…” You trailed off as your eyes met Kelly Severide’s green ones.

Kelly raised his eyebrows at you. “Hey, Y/L/N, about…” His voice trailed off as his eyes caught onto the open compartments around you.

“Are you changing things in here?” He asked.

You frowned a little, confused. “Ye…ah?”

You saw a shift in Kelly’s expression. “That isn’t your call to make.” He snapped.

Your eyebrows shot up. “Sorry?”

“It’s not your call to make. To change things in here. To change things anywhere in this firehouse.” His voice rose a little more.

You generally kept your cool with Kelly when it came to things like this but it had been months since you had started here. You understood everyone dealt with loss differently, and you never expected everyone to welcome you with open arms, especially considering the circumstances in which you had entered but you had thought you were making progress.

Faced with your silence, Kelly continued. “Shay kept things a certain way for a reason.”

You nodded. “I’m not Shay, Lieutenant.” You saw Peter frowning as he headed your way. “But if this is an issue, Mills can do it and I’ll just follow the PIC’s lead.” You finished

Kelly looked like he was going to say more but you climbed out of the ambulance, moving through the common room and straight for the bathroom.

You took a deep breath as you stood in front of the sink, glancing at yourself in the mirror. You had thought you were making progress. Clearly, you weren’t.

You splashed some water on your face to try to calm down, taking a deep breath before opening the door and heading back out.

---

You hadn’t spoken about what happened, even when Mills had tried asking. Casey seemed to know something was up but you had avoided him too, you didn’t feel like hearing how Kelly was going through a rough time.

Yeah, he was going through a rough time. But you were a person, too. You deserved to be treated like one. You’d been respectful, you’d shown him you were in his corner, and you didn’t even need him to talk to you, you just wanted to be treated like a person.

“Hey sunshine.” Herrmann pushed a beer towards you.

You smiled, “Hey. Thanks.”

“Everything okay?” He asked. You nodded, as you felt someone slide into the seat next to you.

“Just a beer, Herrmann. Thanks.”

You looked up in surprise to confirm what you already knew – Kelly Severide was sitting next to you.

“Hey.” He greeted. You smiled back at him. “Can we… talk?”

You raised your eyebrows but nodded, pushing back your chair and heading to another table further from the bar and out of everyone else’s earshot.

“I’m sorry.” He said, looking straight at you.

Your eyebrows shot up.

“She was my best friend.” He whispered, his eyes dropping down again.

You felt a tug at your heartstrings but instead of saying anything you leaned forward, quietly putting your hand over his.

Kelly’s eyes flicked back up to yours.

You finally spoke, “It’s okay to grieve, Severide. I know.”

Kelly smiled at you for the first time. “Do I still get coffee?”

You smiled. “Maybe.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” He said, so low you almost didn’t hear him.

This was definitely progress, you thought as you smiled back at him. “I better get going.”

“Hey Severide, you know anytime you need to talk, I’m your girl.” You said, a little warily, not sure if he was going to take it the wrong way again.

Instead, Kelly smiled at you, nodding. “And it’s Kelly.”

You smiled.

---

Kelly pushed his way out of Molly’s, still clutching the full beer bottle, turning back once just to look at you.

It was weird, this feeling he had and usually Shay would be the first one he asked about it but…

Kelly knew he had shut everyone out in his bid to deal with Shay’s death – he turned up at work but he didn’t talk and he was cold to everyone, including even Casey. But you were such a warm person, even Kelly couldn’t deny feeling your warmth.

Kelly wasn’t ready to admit it out loud but he was sure that he was glad that it was you who had joined 51.

---

You looked up at Kelly’s apartment building.

Of course, you couldn’t help yourself. And you’d bet your whole apartment that Casey knew exactly what would happen if he told you that Kelly wasn’t well. This was probably exactly what Casey was trying to do.

You shook your head. You really shouldn’t overthink this. You were just here to help a friend. You’d do it for anyone.

Since that talk you had had at Molly’s with Kelly, things had improved significantly. Granted, he was still a little prickly, but he had snapped at you much less. There were times your eyes met across the apparatus floor or across the common room that made you feel a little tingly inside, and Kelly had also started having little talks with you. Nothing too deep or serious, but enough that you felt he had at least accepted you as a friend.

You jogged up the stairs and knocked.

“It’s open.” You heard Kelly’s faint voice from outside. You frowned, wondering if he was expecting someone.

“Y/N?” Kelly’s confusion echoed yours as you pushed his door open. “What are you…?”

“You expecting someone?” You asked, closing the door with your foot and heading to the counter.

“Casey said he was coming over.” Kelly said, but you could hear a faintness in his voice you’d never heard before.

“Oh.” You said, “Remind me to kick him when I see him next.” You turned to the kitchen, putting a pot on the stove, and pouring the ingredients in, as if this wasn’t your first time in his kitchen.

You heard Kelly groan and you turned slightly, glancing at him, lying across the couch, his arm thrown over his face.

You frowned, lowering the fire and putting the lid on the pot to let the soup boil.

Quietly, you moved out of the kitchen. Kelly must really be feeling under the weather considering he hadn’t probed further about the fact that you were in his apartment.

“Kelly?”

Kelly groaned but cracked his eyes open.

“Have you taken anything?” You asked, kneeling next to him.

“I’m fine.” Kelly muttered, shifting his position slightly.

“Yeah yeah” You responded, pulling his arm away from his forehead and putting your hand on his.

Kelly didn’t try to protest further. You frowned but didn’t say anything, going to get an ice bag that you had brought with you just in case. Filling it with ice from Kelly’s freezer, you put the full ice bag onto his head.

Kelly shifted. “Stay still.”

Kelly opened his eyes again, his green eyes looking back at you.

“Get some sleep.” You said, turning away.

Kelly grabbed your wrist. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Once you get some food in you and probably some medicine, I’ll get out of your hair. Till then, you’re stuck with me.” You responded, readjusting the ice bag before disappearing back into the kitchen.

By the time the soup was done, Kelly was up, his temperature was down and he was sitting up, just watching you as you brought a bowl out for him.

“Heya.” You greeted, pushing the bowl into his hands.

Kelly seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t. Kelly ate in silence and you put the medication on the table, along with a glass of water.

You glanced at Kelly.

“There’s more in the pot. Take the pills, and if you’re still not feeling well, please go to Med.” You said, picking up your bag that was sitting on the coffee table. Kelly remained silent. “I’ll get out of your way now.”  

Kelly reached out again, grabbing your wrist for the second time that day. You glanced at him in surprise. You had figured the first time was a mistake.

“Stay.”

Your eyebrows shot up and you didn’t move for a while.

“You sure?” You asked.

Kelly just stared straight at you, giving a small smile.

You smiled before sitting back down next to him.

For a while, you both sat in silence, until Kelly put the bowl down. “Casey sent you here?”

“Tricked me here.” You corrected but you were smiling.  

“Look.” Kelly said, turning to look at me after downing the tablets you put into his palm. “Thanks, I know I’ve been a bit… difficult.”

You raised your eyebrows. “A bit?”

Kelly chuckled. “Thanks for…” He paused. “Well, everything.”

You smiled.

“Thanks for not giving up on me.” Kelly continued, both your eyes meeting again.

You shook you head, smiling. “I didn’t really do anything, Kelly.”

“Give yourself a bit more credit, look where you are now.” He said, smiling back at you. “Look, Y/N. I’m not that good at the talking.”

You nodded, chuckling a little. “I can see that.”

So instead of talking, Kelly leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours. You could feel the electricity of Kelly’s touch buzz through your entire body.

Kelly smiled as he pulled away. You didn’t say anything and Kelly watched you for a while. “If I get sick, you’re taking full responsibility.”

Kelly chuckled. “Y/N.” He said, “It’s still hard, I….”

You smiled reaching out for his hand. “Kelly. I know. I’ll be here.”

Kelly smiled, leaning in for a hug and you wrapped your arms around him. “I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered.  

---

KELLY SEVERIDE TAGLIST

@keenmarvellover | @securityfriendly-jay | @winterberryfox | @bestillmystuckyheart | @winterreader-nowwriter | @svturtles | @panaitbeatrice | @skyofficialxx | @starlight-halstead​

If you would like to be added to a taglist, you may request here or send me an ask!

[lilxberry]

Getaway B-Day B.J. - Montgomery ‘Monty’ De La Cruz*

Requested By: @vintagemac94

Thank you so much I don’t mind the wait it’s totally cool🌸. I was thinking Monty x Oc (female) Oc goes out of her way to plan a super romantic getaway for Monty’s birthday to make him feel extra special since he never had that growing up due to his childhood.

 P.s I’m not opposed to smut just saying lol🤷🏻‍♀️but I’m giving you complete creative freedom to decide whether you want to add that or not it’s your choice😘.

I didn’t do a full smutty thing but I feel like it works better like this. I hope this is what you were looking for and I apologise if it hadn’t met what you had wanted.

Also, it wasn’t really an OC since I don’t really write them. I even plan on editing works what I have written as OC’s to reader inserts, just to make things more inclusive for everyone. There wasn’t detailed descriptions of appearance within this and I certainly hadn’t added a scenario where the readers name would be said but I just thought I would clear up that it indeed wasn’t an x OC

Warnings: Language. Semi SMUT (since it was only a blowie *wink wonk*). Alludes to SMUT. A singular mention of Bryce (I mean, c’mon).

Words: 2,983

Pairings: Montgomery ‘Monty’ De La Cruz x reader (female reader)

_______________

The sun casts a warm glow, bathing the room in a soft morning orange hue, illuminating your sleeping boyfriends’ figure, highlighting those sharp features that just seem so much softer as he rests. Short, relaxed puffs of air pass through his parted lips and his chest rises and falls in a calm even manner.

A smile works its way on to your face as you admire Monty in such peace and serenity. You bring your small, dainty hand up and run it along his face, gently brushing over his cheek, jaw and bottom lip that’s pouted. Slowly working along his brows and forehead, a soft grunt forces your smile to widen uncontrollably.

His eyes flutter open, his lashes kissing his cheeks each time. With much difficulty, he manages to keep one eye lazily open, gazing at you as he squints at the light that seems all too bright for someone who is only just rousing from their slumber.

A dazed smile forms across his own lips and his chest rumbles with a chuckle. “Morning,” he grumbled, voiced still laced with sleep causing his tone to be deeper. You bit your plump bottom lip just thinking of how you could listen to that voice all day.

“Good morning, birthday boy,” you cheerily replied. His chest vibrated with a chuckle once more before closing his eye and wrapping him arm around your waist, pulling you in closer and pushing his face into your hair, placing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

You hummed in contentment as you buried your face within his chest, enjoying the warmth radiating from his body. You stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, legs entangled for many more minutes before deciding to finally starting your weekend surprise for your boyfriend.

“Monty,” you cooed softly. “We gotta get up.”

Monty groaned in protest, tighten his hold on you causing you to chuckle at his childish antics. “C’mon baby, we gotta go.”

With an overdramatic huff, he released his hold on you and turned to lie on his back, throwing his left arm over his face, covering his eyes. “I thought it was my birthday. Why do we have to get out of bed, baby?” You could practically already hear the remark he’s about to say that will no doubt be accompanied by a smirk. “I know plenty of reasons to stay put.”

You shook your head and chuckled as you slapped his chest playfully. “You are insatiable.” Clambering out of bed, you already miss the warmth it provided as you made your way into the bathroom, adding an extra sway to your hips, knowing full well Monty was watching you.

“Get up or we’re going to be late for what I have planned,” you called out to him from the bathroom as you tore your, more specifically Monty’s, t-shirt off, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. Before he could retort back or ask what on Earth you had planned, you speak once more. “We still have time to shower though, if you’d like to join me,” you sung out in a sweet melody.

You heard him throw the sheets off of his body, some fumbling around, a loud thump which was followed by him cursing ‘fuck’ and rushed footsteps, causing you to giggle. He arrived in the bathroom faster than a greyhound whippet and was hasty in slamming the door shut and locking it behind him.

_______________

“How didn’t I notice a load of my clothes were missing?” Monty hollered from where he was loading up the two bags you had packed for the weekend into the trunk. His face was absolutely comical, full of confusion yet showing that he had actually been quite impressed.

You shook your head as you checked over once more that you had everything on you before closing and locking the front door to your house. “Because the only things you ever actually care to take notice of are butts, boobs, booze and baseball,” came your snarky remark.

Closing the trunk, he turned to you with the most innocent looking expression he could muster and begins to take tantalisingly slow steps towards you where he eventually places his hands upon your hips. “Only your butt and boobs though, babe.”

You snorted and pushed at his chest, walking around him to climb into the drivers’ seat of the blue Toyota Camry. Before you could place your behind on to the comfortable car seat, you heard a resounding ‘SMACK’ and felt a stinging sensation on your left ass cheek.

“OW!” you shouted, only resulting in Monty throwing his head back in hysterics as he rounds the car to get inside himself. You shake your head although the small smile that dances across your lips in enough to give away that you were anything but upset with him.

Closing the door once fully sat down, you pull your seatbelt over your torso and secure it before placing the keys into the ignition and turning to start the car. Monty had already made himself quite comfortable with the window fully rolled down and the Bluetooth of the car connect to his phone where he scrolls through his Spotify, debating which of the many songs will be blasted through the speakers first.

Releasing the handbrake and pushing down on the acceleration, you begin the 3-hour long drive to your destination where you’ll spend 3 blissful days away with your boyfriend.

_______________

About 2 minutes away from your destination, you had told Monty to close his eyes and to keep them as so until you said. Driving along, you could feel how the road had changed from smooth tarmac to a more coarse, natural trail.

Passing the final cluster of trees and emerging to right in front of where you had booked for you and Monty for the weekend, you slowed to a stop, pulling up the handbrake and turning the keys, removing them from the ignition.

“Psst, you can open them now,” your teasing whisper caused his eyes to shoot open, only for them to widen a moment later at what sat a few feet in front of you both.

A beautiful, modern wooden lodge surrounded by dense woods. It was surprisingly large, even for something that was described as small. The tenant you had rented it off had claimed that everything in and surrounding the gorgeous, homely location was at your dispense and can be used however you see fit, including the shimmering, clear lake that was a simple 9 minute walk from the lodge itself.

“I, uh, I don’t understand.” You could see the confusion on his features and his gaze alternated between you and the getaway home.

“It’s ours for the weekend, baby. Do you like it?” You bit your lip in anticipation, desperately wanting him to be happy with what you had done for him.

He nodded as he searched for words, stuttering. “I-I don’t…Why?”

“I wanted to treat you on your birthday. Plus, I get a whole weekend with you to myself so, I suppose I also treated myself.” Your smile was just as breath-taking as the lodge, he thought. In a blink of an eye, he leaned over the centre console and crashed his lips to yours, causing you to hum in appreciation.

“God, I love you,” he breathlessly whispered.

“Good, ‘cause I love you, too.”

_______________

You both were now unpacking, putting clothes away for the weekend and what food you had packed was now stored within the kitchen and large pantry along with whatever food was left for you to utilise from the tenant.

Seeing as you had been together for a solid 2 and a half years, you knew that Monty had a lack of attention and affection when it had involved not only his everyday life, but his birthday. Of course, his friends such as Bryce always had insisted on throwing him parties, massive ragers with an unsavoury amount of alcohol and an abundance of people in attendance.

But this year, you wanted it to be more meaningful, more special. You wanted your boyfriend to truly understand how important he is to you and how much you love him, although, nothing could ever actually amount to how much you do love him.

Plus, you promised Bryce and the others that they could have him for the whole weekend after, which Bryce had surprisingly agreed to quickly.

As you were folding away the last item of clothing, you felt arms snake around your waist from behind causing you to jump ever so slightly before relaxing in your boyfriends embrace. He chuckled as he buried his nose into the crook of your neck, occasionally pecking your shoulder with soft kisses.

“I never thought I’d say this but,” he started, lowering his voice to a playfully seductive whisper as he brought his lips up beside your ear. “You make doing laundry look so fucking sexy.”

You laughed as you placed the now folded t-shirt into the draw and push it close before turning whilst still in his hold, raising your hands to place them against his broad, chiselled, sun-kissed chest that’s hidden beneath a dark grey t-shirt. “Oh yeah? Just wait ‘til you see me make the bed.”

He chuckled once more, the deep sound exciting you more than it should before pulling you flush against his towering form and slowly melding his lips against yours, the speaker you had connected to earlier that was within the room quietly continues playing your music from one of your many playlists on Spotify.

Unsurprisingly, the kiss had quickly become deep and more needy. You right hand stayed firm planted upon his pec, nails slightly digging into his flesh causing him to his. You left hand had travelled upwards and began to run through his hair, tugging on it slightly as your nails occasionally rake over his scalp in a satisfying motion.

Him, on the other hand, hand allowed him to wander down over your hips, caressing the small of your back and finally finish at your round behind, firmly grasping and kneading at it, forcing you to moan wantonly which was muffled by his mouth on yours.

Your heads tilt in opposite directions, allowing the kiss to be deepened. A firm, harsh slap to your right cheek made you gasp, Monty taking that as the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue in, swirling it around yours, resulting in more moans to emit from you.

In a quick motion, Monty lowered his hands down to the back of your thighs, swiftly raising you up, your legs quickly wrapping around his waist as he walks forward, eventually setting you down atop the mahogany draws.

Separating from the kiss for a brief moment, he swiftly removed your top, leaving you in just your shorts and lace trimmed bra, your mounds now on display. Monty quick you a few more quick kisses before trailing his lips across your jaw and down to your neck, sucking at biting harshly as the soft skin that’s showcased, lapping up the areas after once satisfied with the marks he’s left, soothing the ache slightly.

Moments pass by where he continues his assault on your neck which is now littered with fresh love bites, the bright red marks that will soon transform into deep purple bruising. Once again, he moves further down and begins to ravage the mounds of flesh that isn’t covered by your bra, repeating the same actions he had done to your neck. Making quick work of unclipping your bra, the material shifts from covering your breasts, straps sliding down your arms, exposing your perked nipples to the chilled air.

Mouth forming an O shape, moans carelessly escape you, your eyes shut tight, and head thrown back. You tug at the hem of his t-shirt, signifying that you want it gone. He quickly complies, detaching himself from you again to pull it up and over his body, haphazardly throwing it to the side. You used that time separated to allow the bra to completely slip off of your arms and let it fall to the ground.

He moves back to reconnect his lips to yours, his hips rutting against your own as his hands explore every inch of exposed skin. Your left hand is back within his hair, tugging roughly as your right claws down his back causing him to groan.

Your violent, passionate, lustful kiss finally ended and all you could do was breath heavily, chest heaving, as were his. “Bed,” you rasped out. Monty, needing no further prompts, yanked you up with brute strength and dragging you over to the comfier set of furniture within the room.

Before reaching the freshly made bed, you pulled at his arm, turning him to face you before kissing him roughly once more, one hand grasping his cock through his jeans as the other begins to work on his belt and zipper. Walking him backwards, the back of his knees soon meets the edge of the mattress, forcing his to fall back and land on his back.

Just as he was about to sit up, you pushed him backwards whilst you tutted at him with a seductive, playful smirk. “Now, now, birthday boy. Time for another present.”

His eyes clouded over with lust, his eyes became lidded, and a primal groan erupted from him. Popping the buttons of your shorts, you hooked your thumbs into the waistband and began to glide the material over your hips, bum, and thighs at an antagonising pace. Once lowered enough, you release them and allow them to pool at the floor around your feet, leaving you in nothing but the lace trimmed underwear that matched your bra.

You step towards him, leaving your shorts forgotten on the floor behind you and lower yourself to your knees between his spread, jean clad legs. You slide your hands along the expanse of his thighs, dragging your nails to withdraw another groan from him. Finally reaching the waistband of his own bottoms, you grip and tug feverously, Monty lifting his lips to assist you in removing both his jeans and boxers in one swift motion.

The moment his hardened dick sprang free from its confinements and slapped against his lower stomach, he sighed in relief, his eyes fluttering close as he falls back on to the bed, legs still hung over the edge.

Grasping it within your smaller, smooth hand, you give it a few gentle tugs before kitten licking the swollen head of his cock. Monty raises himself to lean back on his elbows and observe you, breathing slightly ragged, sheets loosely balled up in his fists.

Feeling you’ve teased him quite enough, you slowly begin to take him in your mouth, inch by inch until you reach the base of his cock, the tip of your nose touching his pubic area. He grunts as you pull away, only to take him all once again. And again. You repeat the action at a steady pace as one hand rests atop his thigh for stability and the other occasionally grasping his balls for added stimulation before slowly building up momentum, his dick sliding in and out of your warm, wet mouth and hitting the back of your throat.

“That’s it, baby,” he lustfully growls as one hand comes up to fist your hair in his firm grip. You hum around his length in appreciation, sending a pleasurable vibration to his dick causing him to buck up into your mouth and tighten his grip on the sheets beside him. “Fuck.”

All too soon, your pace becomes unrelenting, chasing after his climax with vigour, eager to make him cum. Sinful sounds come from where his dick slides in and out pass your lips, your saliva coating his cock.

At this point, Monty’s heavily breathing and constantly groaning and grunting in pleasure, his hips jerking upwards, forcing you to take as much of him as you can. A few more thrusts into your sweet mouth nearly does the trick, but it’s the moment that his eyes lock with your own with your lips wrapped around him perfectly, taking him so well that finally pushes him over the edge, falling back against the mattress as his body tenses and his hips continue to thrust upwards.

You continue to suck, drawing out his orgasm and milking him dry, sending him into a state of pure euphoria. You finally release his slowly softening dick with a satisfying pop, wiping the small amount of saliva and cum that had escaped and dribbled down your chin away.

Crawling up, you straddle his hips and lay your body atop of his, giving him sweet, tender kisses along the underside of his jaw. His eyes is still closed as he finally comes down from his climax, regulating his breathing once more. “How’re you feeling baby?”

“Fucking amazing,” he breathlessly replies, cracking open his eyes slightly and giving you a lazy grin as he looks up to you now that you’ve lifted yourself to look at his flushed face.

You smile down at him, bringing your one hand up to cup his cheek and caress his cheekbone with your thumb. “Good,” you whisper against his lips before planting a slow, love filled kiss to them.

He seemed to have quickly regained his stamina during the short amount of time you both laid there as he quickly ensnares you with his arms around your waist. You look down towards him with a raised eyebrow and he grins wolfishly. “Time for my next present, baby.”

With that, he flips the two of you over eliciting a squeal of excitement and anticipation from, him now hovering over you. He nips at your neck and growls deeply causing girlish giggles to escape from you. And to think, that was only within the first hour of your weekend getaway for Montys’ birthday.

_______________

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I haven’t written for 13RW in so long

It feels even crazier that I had a request for it lmao

There isn’t much to say on this honestly

I just went with the flow, even if that flow be a bit choppy, yanno

Also, this is like the 4th request I’ve posted in the last 3 days and I’m absolutely shocked

If you’d like to be added to a taglist lemme know

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed

As always, constructive criticism and requests are welcomed and greatly appreciated :D

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

We Don’t Talk About Bruno (But She Does) Part 2- Bruno Madrigal x OC

Bruno Madrigal x Adriana Cruz

Description: Relationships are rekindled when Adriana and Mirabel discover that Bruno was still actually with them.

Word Count: 2k

The thrilling chase continued to the second floor of Casita. Adriana chased Mirabel, who seemed to be chasing something that the woman couldn’t quite see. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled behind them, but neither paid attention. Adriana rounded a corner, only to nearly run into Mirabel. The younger girl stood in the upper walkway silently, trying to figure out something.

“Mariposa, please-“ the girl shushed her, which rightfully offended Adriana. Just as she opened her mouth, she heard a quiet, almost silent squeak. Both she and Mirabel looked to the source then simultaneously spotted a single rat tail disappearing through an opening under a large painting that hung in the hall. Mirabel approached it slowly, almost as if studying it, then slowly pulled it open, revealing a passageway within the walls. Adriana gasped softly, and she and Mirabel shared a confused look before stepping closer to it.

“Let me go in and make sure it’s safe,” she muttered, knowing that nothing could stop the girl from going in there. “If I can’t stop her, I might as well join her and make sure she’s safe.” After getting the okay from Mirabel, she took a deep breath and climbed in.

The passageway seemed to be between the walls of the house. They were covered with cracks, which undulated dauntingly. She looked around nervously before ultimately signaling for Mirabel to come in. A rat squeaked as it scurried past Mirabel’s feet and away into the darkness, but as its glowing shard retreated, it moved into the air. Adriana squinted to get a better look, then gasped as lightning struck once again, now revealing a figure just a few feet in front of them.

“Bruno?” She muttered in shock. The man in question looked sinister and evil in this lighting as he held the shard.

The three of them stared at each other for an electric second. Another flash occurred, and Bruno turned and ran in the other direction, his shadow streaking away down a distant corridor. Mirabel wasted no time in running after him, ignoring her Tia’s calls. Adriana groaned loudly then began following her, and another chase ensued. The three of them raced through the narrow corridors, the girls having trouble catching up to the man as they weren’t acquainted with the corridors. Adriana moved faster and faster, sliding down any unexpected drops and making every tight turn. She had to stop momentarily when Mirabel bumped into one of the walls after a turn, but they continued on. Another flash of lightning occurred as the girls attempted to call for him, begging him to stop.

Mirabel was close to Bruno, practically within arm’s reach, but then she was forced to stop when he suddenly jumped over a large chasm. Both girls stopped abruptly and watched as he made it to the other side and disappeared down a distant corridor. Adriana was the first to gather her courage, and she gave Mirabel a look that said ‘wait until I cross first.’ Thankfully the girl understood and stepped aside. The woman breathed out deeply and took a few steps back before taking a running leap at the chasm. She copied Bruno’s moves, stepping on the same pieces of rogue wood that he had until she made it to the other side. A breathless laugh left her lips as she faced the tighter girl, gesturing for her to jump.

Mirabel grinned at her Tia’s success then did as she had done in taking a few steps back. After a moment of hesitation, she finally jumped over the chasm. Adriana watched worriedly as she attempted to do what both Adriana and Bruno had done. A sigh of relief left the woman’s lips as Mirabel finally made it to the other side. That triumph was unfortunately cut short when the floor beneath Mirabel gave way and she fell.

“Mirabel!” The woman called worriedly as she ran over to the edge of the chasm. The girl had managed to catch herself, practically holding on by a finger. Adriana could work with that. She fell to her knees and attempted to reach for her hand.

“Help! Someone help. Casita, Tia, help me,” the girl whimpered.

“Grab my hand Mariposa,” the woman instructed urgently, reaching her arm out as far as she possibly could without also falling over the edge. Mirabel attempted to do so, but in the process she lost her grip and began falling.

“No!” Adriana cried shortly before she felt a presence beside her. Another hand shot out and grabbed Mirabel’s. Both she and Adriana looked up and realized it was Bruno.

“You’re very sweaty,” he muttered anxiously, though no one had time to respond before he too lost his balance and fell over. Adriana attempted to reach for him, but it was in vain. Thankfully Mirabel managed to catch him with her free hand after Adriana finally managed to grab one of her hands. Mirabel, Adriana and Bruno stared at each other for a minute before a rat popped out of the latter’s ruana. It startled Mirabel enough to let him go, and the girls watched in horror as he fell with a slightly high pitched scream. Only a second later he popped back up in the smoke that settled on the floor. There had been a floor beneath them this entire time. Bruno hummed thoughtfully at it, then looked up as Adriana began lifting Mirabel up. Once she was safely on the floor, the woman held out her hand for Bruno.

“Take my hand,” she instructed, much calmer now. The man hesitated for a moment, then finally reached up after climbing the wall boards and placed his hand in hers. A slight shock went through them the moment their hands touched, but Adriana didn’t talk about it as she and Mirabel lifted him the rest of the way up.

Shock was the only thing she could feel as Bruno passed her, attempting to brush off what just happened. She couldn’t believe it. All this time she had been hoping and praying that he would come back to her…and he’s been behind the walls the whole time. For just a moment their shoulders met and it shot a spark straight to her heart. Though she couldn’t be sure, the slight hesitation in his movements afterwards gave her hope that he felt the same thing. She followed Mirabel, only half listening as her niece attempted to get him to talk about the vision as her eyes stayed on the man she never stopped loving.

Time seemed to pass in a blur and before Adriana knew it, she was in Antonio’s room with him, Mirabel and Bruno. She watched as Bruno made a sand circle for the vision, not missing the slight tremor that rubled through the house.

“We might wanna hurry,” Mirabel mentioned, having also felt the tremor.

“You can’t hurry the future,” Bruno almost laughed as he altered the circle just a bit to accommodate the chiguiro that sat in the way before finally sitting across from the girl. “And what if I show you something worse? If I see something that you don’t like, you’re gonna be all ‘Bruno makes bad things happen, oh, he’s creepy and his vision killed my goldfish,’” he threw his hands up exasperatedly, which almost made Adriana laugh as Mirabel responded.

“I don’t think you make bad things happen. Sometimes family weirdos just get a bad rap,” she encouraged, which made Adriana smile sympathetically.

“You can do this,” the older woman added shortly before Antonio came into view, holding the stuffed jaguar that Mirabel made him for his gifting ceremony. He whispered something to his Tio before climbing on his real jaguar and riding off. Adriana offered Bruno one last encouraging smile before climbing up after the young boy to his bed.

Once they were settled in, the show began. Bruno lit a match, which he used to ignite piles of wet leaves. As the smoke began to spiral around him and Mirabel, Bruno closed his eyes, entering a trance-like state as magic filled the room. The entire room began to glow in the light of his eyes, wind kicked up, blowing leaves and sand that began to swirl around Mirabel and Bruno, glowing brighter and brighter.

Neither Adriana nor Antonio could see what happened next as the sand storm blocked it off, though they got a synopsis once things calmed down. To put it simply, Mirabel simply needed to hug Isabela to save the miracle.

Normally something like hugging your sister would be easy, but not with Isabela and Mirabel. The latter made that quite clear as the three of them sat behind a plant staring at Isabela’s door across the upper level. It wasn’t until after Bruno encouraged her that Mirabel finally mustered up the courage to hug her sister. She and Adriana watched as Bruno knocked on wood as a luck ensurance before falling back into Pedro’s portrait hole. Adriana stared at it for a moment thoughtfully.

“Hey, Mira?” She asked softly, though she didn’t need to finish her thought before the younger girl spoke.

“Go ahead,” Mirabel responded with a knowing look. “You have a lot of catching up to do.” Adriana offered the girl a thankful smile before walking over to the portrait hole, opening it enough to slip through.

For a moment she forgot how difficult it was to get to his room, having to go over and under various obstacles. And, of course, the giant chasm she had to jump over. She got through it with relative ease like she had the first time, then continued on until she reached the door. As her hand lifted to knock, she hesitated.

Of course she knew she had nothing to worry about, it just was Bruno, her Bruno. But, at the same time, she hasn’t seen him in ten years, and ten years can change someone. She stood there for close to five minutes as she weighed her options. In the end she decided to throw caution to the wind and finally knocked.

“Bruno?” She called softly. “Can I come in?” There was a tense silence that left Adriana waiting for the man’s answer with bated breath. It took a moment for him to answer, but he eventually did, telling her to come in.

Once she did so, they spent a lot of time talking. They talked about everything that happened before he left, after he left, what Adriana had been up to lately, what Bruno had been up to lately, just everything. It was exactly what Adriana needed. She was finally getting the answers that she desperately craved for the last ten years apart from him. Words couldn’t explain how relieved she was when she learned that it was not her fault, but everyone else’s for their treatment of him. That’s when she sympathized with him.

“I’m not mad at you, you know,” Adriana mentioned softly. The man looked at her, obviously surprised.

“Really?” She nodded, offering him a small smile.

“Upset, maybe, but not mad. Sure, there were many days and nights when I wondered why you didn’t feel like you could confide in me, but I was never angry at you. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you,” she laughed softly, shaking her head. Bruno chuckled along with her, then carefully reached over and took her hand.

“I never stopped thinking about you,” he muttered softly. “I couldn’t imagine how you felt when you found out I was gone. There were many days and nights where I just wallowed in my guilt about it. I missed you so much mi corazón (my heart).” His confession made her heart melt. She squeezed his hand before intertwining their fingers.

“I missed you too mi (mi) Bruno,” she whispered, lifting their hands to press a kiss to the back of his. Things weren’t one hundred percent clear with them, especially with Casita potentially losing its magic and the Madrigal’s fate resting on Mirabel and Isabela, but at least this would be a start. And a start was all they needed, it could only get better from there.

[sankyeom]

splash! | l.jy

pairings: lee juyeon x reader genre: lifeguard!juyeon, summer love, strangers to lovers summary: in which you fall in love with the lifeguard at the hotel pool during your summer vacation and don’t want to have to say goodbye word count: 5.1k warnings: i said bullshit like once i think requested: nope, this is the result of me having a daydream about lifeguard juyeon and missing my home in santa cruz a lot bc i’m overseas right now note: i should have called this water after the boyz’ song, but i already made the banner say splash and i was too lazy to change it. also i was picturing ddd era juyeon for this fic so keep that in mind if you want 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

The salty air blowing in the breeze wasn’t a familiar scent, but you welcomed it as you draped yourself across the beach lounge chair by the hotel pool. You couldn’t have been more thankful for your best friend who surprised you with a beach-side vacation for the summer. Your third year of University had been difficult to say the least, and after your friend had seen you buried in books and notes, they decided enough was enough.

“Didn’t I say this was a good idea?” your best friend asked, shielding their face with a broad-brimmed sun hat. The two of you had opted to lounge by the pool for the day instead of hitting the beach, mostly because your friend wasn’t particularly fond of the ocean.

“Yes,” you hummed in agreement. “Didn’t I already acknowledge that you’re a genius?” you retorted, turning on your side to face your best friend. They made a vaguely dismissive motion with their hand, eliciting a laugh from you as you decided what book to read while you soaked up some sun.

A shout interrupted your thoughts. “Hey!” the call came from the lifeguard up on the tall wooden chair that designated his position. Your eyes followed the sound, intrigued by the sudden call. The man in question was tall, slender, and broad-shouldered, with light brown hair and honey blond highlights. He was speaking into a megaphone and seemed to be targeting a group of teenage boys. “They’re not interested. Stop bothering them and go along with your day,” you noticed the group of boys in question seemed to be lingering near some teenage girls. They scowled at the lifeguard, faces clearly displaying their embarrassment at being called out. It seemed as though they wanted to reply, perhaps say something snooty about them being guests there, but the lifeguard wouldn’t have it. “Don’t make me go down there. I will go down there,” he warned.

You cracked a smile as the group of boys mumbled to one another before stalking off with glares on their faces. “Well that was nice of him,” your friend had peeked out from under their sunhat long enough to witness the encounter. “He’s pretty cute,” they observed.

Pretty cute was an understatement.

As far as bodies went, his was clearly well maintained and rather impressive, but his face was what had caught your attention initially. He had clear, sharp eyes and a small, slender nose. His dyed hair made him appear to almost glow in the summer sun, skin tanned from being outside all day long. When you glanced down to observe his face, you realised you had been glancing at the stranger’s lips for far longer than socially acceptable and decided to just look away.

“I saw that,” your friend pointed out. “You think he’s more than just pretty cute, huh?” they teased you, wiggling their eyebrows as best as they could to further taunt you.

“No, don’t be ridiculous,” you lied, risking another look back at the lifeguard.

You hadn’t realised it, but the fairly close proximity to the lifeguard’s chair gave Juyeon both a clear view of you and your friend as well as the ability to hear your chatter. Having noticed you earlier as well, Juyeon could feel his ears burning with embarrassment as the two of you locked eyes. When you and your friend arrived, you had caught his attention because the two of you looked like you were very close and having a lot of fun. His summer job thus far had been anything but fun, and the way you looked when you laughed was simply radiant.

Noticing the tension in the area, your friend beamed. “Do you need me to work my magic?” they wondered, taking their hat off and giving you their full attention.

“You don’t have any magic,” you hissed back, breaking eye contact with the cute lifeguard to hush your friend. “And don’t be so loud, he’s not that far away,” you added in a whisper.

“Oh honey,” your friend sighed. “You need all the help you can get. Leave this to me,” they winked, taking off their cover up as you began to protest.

“No, stop that,” you whisper-yelled. “What are you doing, why are you-“ you cut yourself off as your friend not-so-elegantly dove into the pool. You exhaled loudly, looking up at the sky and hoping to any god that existed that your friend wasn’t going to embarrass you.

When your friend started swimming and going nowhere near the lifeguard, you decided you could calm down and not worry about their actions anymore. That was until your friend started shouting and flailing about in the pool, calling out for the lifeguard to help them as they struggled in the water. You furrowed your brows together. They were a perfect swimmer, there was no way they could really be drowning in a pool shallow enough for them to stand.

Without waiting, the lifeguard gracefully dove into the pool and paddled towards your best friend. “I’ve got you, you’re okay,” he told your friend, pulling them towards the edge of the pool. Still, your friend made a big show out of panicking and clinging onto him as he lifted them out of the water.

“Please,” you friend said between exaggerated coughs. “Get my friend,” they pleaded.

You groaned. This had been their plan all along.

With quick steps, you made your way towards the pair. “Are you okay?” you asked your friend, narrowing your eyes at them in warning. Translation: you’re so dead when we’re alone.

Their eyes widened as they nodded. “I had a leg cramp,” they explained innocently, stretching out their right leg and wincing. “Oh look, all better!” with that they jumped up happily and walked back to your lounge chairs.

Your jaw dropped in surprise at their actions as they left you and the lifeguard to kneel on the floor alone. His eyes drifted back to meet yours and he coughed, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with flushed cheeks. The way your eyes peered curiously at him made him want to squeal like an excited child, but Juyeon managed to restrain himself. “Um, I hope they’re okay,” he said awkwardly instead.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” you assured him, feeling your face warm up. “Um, I’m really sorry about them,” you tried to apologise for your friend’s obvious, and terrible, acting.

The handsome lifeguard blinked innocently at you. “Oh, it’s fine. Leg cramps are really common and I wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt under my watch,” then he smiled in a way that made your insides melt, and you had to remind yourself to breathe.

He was the definition of breathtaking, and he seemed innocent and sweet enough to believe that your friend had really been in peril, which made him all the more cute. “I’m Juyeon,” he introduced himself, going to hold out his hand for you to shake before realising it was wet, and lowering it.

“I’m Y/n,” you replied, a laugh naturally escaping you without even trying. He was too sweet.

By the time you made your way back to your friend, they were already grinning at you with a knowing look on their face. “And you said I don’t have any magic,” they scoffed. “I wrote the book on magic, okay?”

“That was embarrassing as hell,” you said instead of agreeing with them. “Never do that again.”

Your friend ignored you. “What’s his name?” they asked.

You paused, getting comfortable on the lounge chair before facing them. “Juyeon,” you answered, and that was just as good as admitting their absurd plan had worked for your friend.

The bonfire was almost twice your own height by the time you arrived at the beach. Your friend had caught wind of the midnight bonfire from one of the waiters at the breakfast bar that morning, and had begged you to go almost all day long. After not seeing Juyeon at the pool all day, you were in the mood to get out of your head and eventually agreed to go.

You felt stupid looking for the lifeguard after only meeting him once, but there was something about him that made you want to get to know him better. Good looks aside, he was sweet and innocent and he had made your vacation a little more interesting by being your summer crush.

The night was slightly chilly, making you relieved that you had thought ahead and worn a cardigan so that you wouldn’t be cold. “Let’s get closer,” your friend suggested before dragging you to stand right by the fire pit. “Oh! It’s you,” their cheeky tone warned you of the fact that they had bumped into Juyeon before you even saw him. He looked comfortable in a short sleeve button up and jeans, and the fire illuminated his honey skin to make him appear as though he was truly glowing. “You saved my life,” your friend told him.

He laughed a low chuckle. “Ah, it’s just my job,” he waved it off with a small shrug. Then, his eyes met yours. “It’s good to see you again, Y/n,” Juyeon greeted.

The fact that he remembered your name shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it definitely felt like a sign to you. You smiled. “You too,” you assured him. “What brings you here?”

“My friends Kevin and Jacob organised the bonfire,” Juyeon explained, pointing them out nearby. “I figured I might as well do something other than work all summer long,” he added with a bashful smile.

“Great idea,” your friend chimed. “I’m going to get some drinks, Y/n?” they offered but you waved them off, uninterested. Music started playing softly through a bluetooth speaker, and for a moment you were nervous that Juyeon would ask you to dance. You weren’t so confident in your ability to remember to breathe around him, nonetheless actually dance in an appealing way.

Almost as if he sensed your nerves, Juyeon held out his hand to you. “Want to see something cool?” he offered, titling his head slightly at you. Shrugging, you took his hand and let him lead you away from the bonfire and to a darker part of the beach.

“This is super suspicious, just so you know,” you informed him in a teasing tone. You weren’t actually nervous to be alone with Juyeon, there was something soothing about his presence that made you feel at ease.

Juyeon laughed. “Don’t you trust me?” he teased you right back.

“Well,” you hummed. “All I know about you is that you’re a lifeguard, your name is Juyeon, and that your friends are all back at the bonfire along with mine.”

“All the more reason to follow me,” he grinned, coming to a stop further down the beach. “Now,” Juyeon said, gently taking you by the shoulders to stand in front of him. “Look at this,” he pointed up, and you followed his finger until you saw a small cluster of golden lights leisurely twirling through the air.

Realisation struck you and you gasped audibly. “Oh my god,” you exclaimed. “Are those fireflies?”

Said fireflies were floating about the sky, some above you and some lower at the water, exploring their surroundings. “You ever seen those before?” you shook your head at Juyeon’s question. “They usually like to be in marshy, forest areas. But the other night I saw them close to here, exploring the shore.”

“This is incredible,” you admitted, eyes following the small glowing insects as they soar. “What makes them glow?” you asked, feeling Juyeon’s chest against your back as he inched closer.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s the same reason you and I are here right now,” you turn your head to look at Juyeon, curious. He was already smiling, as if he knew something that you didn’t. “Chemistry,” he whispered, making you laugh.

“That was cheesy.”

“Maybe so, but it’s true, isn’t it?”

You nod. “I suppose so,” you manage to agree.

Juyeon smiles. “Do you think I could kiss you?”

“I definitely think you should.”

When he kissed you, your eyes closed and you saw little dots of gold on the inside of your eyelids, perfectly mimicking the glow of the fireflies surrounding the both of you.

After your kiss with Juyeon, he seemed to be appearing everywhere you looked. At the pool when he was on duty, at the bar you and your friend were snacking at during his breaks, the beach during the sunset, and the dining hall for dinner. Your friend was pleased that you were finding something – or rather, someone – to entertain and soothe you after the difficult year you had at University.

Before you exited the pool for the day, Juyeon leaned down to whisper in your ear: “Meet me at the gate at midnight,” without any further explanation. Excited to spend more time with him, you easily nodded in agreement and left to tell your friend about your evening plans.

When the time came, you made your way down to the pool’s gate to meet Juyeon, finding it locked since the pool closed before sundown. As Juyeon approached you in a pair of board shorts and a t-shirt, waving a key in the air with an excited glint in his eyes, you quickly figured out what his plans for your night were. “Are you up for a midnight swim?” Juyeon wondered, greeting you with a hug. The small act of affection made an unavoidable and automatic smile appear on your lips.

“I’m up for anything,” you replied, winding your arms around his waist and leaning back enough to smile at Juyeon. “As long as you don’t get into trouble for it?” you added, eyeing the thick metal lock on the pool gates.

“I won’t get in trouble if we don’t get caught,” he retorted with a small wink, lifting his hand to gently stroke your cheek with his thumb. This was something you liked a lot about being with Juyeon: everything always felt easy and relaxed. “I’ve never gone for a midnight dip before, and I figure a lit-up pool is safer than the ocean.”

“Ah yes,” you laughed. “Safety first. How could I forget that I’m amidst Lee Juyeon, lifeguard extraordinaire.”

Juyeon burst out laughing at your words, eyes crinkling with his widened grin. He gave a shy smile when he was done, opening the gate to the pool for you and allowing you to enter first. Slightly excited at the idea of sneaking around with Juyeon, you made your way towards the pool, closely followed by Juyeon.

As you and Juyeon started undressing down to your bathing suits, you eyed the empty lifeguard chair that he usually occupied. “You’re pretty distracting up there on your little chair, you know?” you admitted, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Me?” Juyeon exclaimed, pausing while attempting to take off his t-shirt. “I’m the one that has to work and pretend that I’m not sneaking glances at you every minute because you’re so captivating,” he argued, shaking his head in disbelief.

You snuck a quick look at his torso, half exposed from where he was paused. “You’re clueless,” you accused with a sigh, not understanding how Juyeon couldn’t understand how attractive he was. “Now hurry up, I want to swim,” you added with a slight whine.

At your encouragement, the two of you had soon made your way into the lukewarm water of the pool, gently splashing each other in a playful manner. Rather than swimming laps or diving in the water, you and Juyeon decided to stand in the water next to each other and see how the water trickled from your hands to his, underneath yours.

Although the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, you still wished to know more about the boy in front of you. “What’s your biggest fear?” you wondered, watching how little droplets of water sliding down the side of your palm fell into Juyeon’s larger palm.

Each time your fingertips brushed against his palm, tingles shot from the very tips of your fingers down to your toes. Warmth spread throughout your body. You always felt warm when you were with Juyeon.

Juyeon made a quiet sound akin to a chuckle, but thought about his answer. “Heartbreak,” he told you. You paused playing with the water to observe his expression. Usually, his eyes smiled whenever you looked at him. Now, his eyes seemed to be lost in something else.

“Funny,” you said. “That’s mine, too.”

The realisation that whatever the two of you were doing – be it dating casually or just having an exciting summer fling – might end in both of your biggest fear put a temporary stop to the careless relaxation you had been experiencing up until that point.

“I guess we just won’t break each other’s hearts,” Juyeon said it so simply that you believed him. 

Believed that you could have nothing but a small, summer fling with Juyeon. That maybe you wouldn’t fall for the kind-eyed man in front of you, and that your summer wouldn’t end in heartbreak.

So you smiled back at him and agreed.

Silently, you and Juyeon agreed to keep things fun and casual that summer. You had in depth conversations about your hopes and dreams for your futures; the lives you intended to live after your education was over. However, you never told one another things about your everyday lives that could make you get attached to one another. You didn’t speak about where you lived, your daily schedule, or what you looked for in a partner.

Lying beside Juyeon, your thighs brushing his and hands intertwined on his chest, felt comfortable; familiar. The night was still fairly warm out despite it being well past midnight, and the two of you had decided to lie down by the beach and admire the night sky.

The stars were so bright that evening, glowing and shimmering as if they had come out just so you could admire them. The glow they released felt like little fireflies hung up in the sky, as though you could reach out and touch them.

“I don’t know,” you answered Juyeon’s question about what you wanted to do as a career. Your tone caused Juyeon to turn his head to face you. His hair was still damp, and it fell flat against his forehead in a short fringe. You angled your body to face his, raising your hand to run your fingers through his hair. The intimate action didn’t seem to bother Juyeon, and you tried to ignore the way it made your stomach swirl. “I’m always scared to think about it. I just finished my third year of Uni, and I still have no idea what I want to do.”

“You have all the options in the world open to you,” Juyeon rephrased your troubles lightly. “All you have to do is reach out and take them.” he paused, closing his eyes to relish in the feeling of your hands in his hair. “I know what I want to do.”

“Yeah?” you asked, tightening Juyeon’s zip-up hoodie around your frame as the breeze blew stronger; the sound of waves crashing against the shore music to your ears. “What’s that?”

“I want to be a dancer,” Juyeon said. “I want to perform for others and tell a story. I want to sweat and bleed and hurt for it. Because I want to be perfect,” he chuckled. “I guess that’s my fatal flaw. Perfectionism.”

“Perfectionism is hardly fatal,” you disagreed. “Then go out there. Hurt and bleed and do it.”

“I wish it were that easy,” Juyeon muttered, pulling you gently against him. The moderate rhythm of his heart beat tenderly against your ear. “I just don’t know how to tell my parents. They still think I’m majoring in Economics. Guess I have one more year to tell them,” somehow, his statement managed to make the both of you laugh.

You mentally noted that you were in the same year of University, something personal that the both of you had agreed not to talk about. It would be foolish to get your hopes up about Juyeon wanting something serious with you; you forced yourself to let go of the idea altogether.

After all, you were scared of heartbreak too.

“Why is it so easy to talk to you?” Juyeon marvelled. “When I’m with my friends, I always feel like I never have a clue about anything. They’re always faster, wittier, and smarter than me. But with you, I feel like I can take my time.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you pondered on how to respond. Not only had Juyeon captured exactly how you felt around him, but he had made a statement so personal that you couldn’t ignore it.

“You can take your time,” you decided to say. “We have all summer long.”

As the summer was coming to an end, you were already dreading having to say goodbye to Juyeon. He introduced you to his friends throughout the summer, too. Jacob and Kevin from the bonfire, and Hyunjae the bartender from the hotel bar. You understood what Juyeon meant about feeling slow; his friends were balls of energy and quick-wit. You had spent every night with him, walking the beach, exploring the island, and forgetting any of your troubles. The next day, you would always bring your friend to the places you had adventured through the night before; recounting your escapades with Juyeon and admiring how different things looked in the light.

“You really like this guy,” your friend realised immediately. “And not just in a hot lifeguard way.”

You smiled sadly. “Yeah,” you admitted. “I don’t want to say goodbye to him.” The view of the beach during the day with the sun shining wasn’t the same as the way the beach appeared at night. You almost wanted it to be dark every time you went to the ocean.

Your friend smiled. “Maybe you don’t have to? Long distance relationships can work out, too.”

“He doesn’t want to be in a relationship,” you denied.

With a small shake of their head, your friend asked “How do you know that?”

“Because he’s afraid of heartbreak,” you looked out into the sea, observing the families and couples playing in the water together and laughing.

“I’ve heard that before,” your friend recalled all the times you used that as an excuse during the semester. “You know, I love heartbreak.” With wide eyes, you faced your friend to listen to their reasoning. “If I get heartbroken, at least it means I felt something.”

“Well, yes,” you allowed. “But why would you want to put yourself and your feelings out in the world, only to have them broken and exploited?”

“Who cares?” your friend said. “Who cares if my feelings get broken and exploited? How am I ever going to feel anything – love, happiness, admiration – if I’m so scared of being hurt that I never let myself feel it to begin with?”

You knew your friend was right. The more you got to know Juyeon, the more you knew that no matter how hard you tried, it was impossible to prevent yourself from feeling an emotion you truly felt.

“I know that,” you confessed in a mumble. “That doesn’t mean that he feels the same.”

“Maybe you should try asking him?” your friend proposed. “Maybe he’ll surprise you. And maybe you should do it today, before we have to leave this afternoon,” they added, patting you gently on the shoulder and giving you their best encouraging smile.

You had already told Juyeon that you were leaving that day. He had mentioned that he had a shift at the pool in the early afternoon, but he promised that he would get away and say his goodbyes to you.

Perhaps you were holding on to his promise a little too tightly. That was why you felt so destroyed when Juyeon never showed, and you had to get the taxi on the way to the airport so you wouldn’t miss your flight.

“Are you okay?” your friend asked, sympathetic to your feelings.

“I’m okay,” you said. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so scared of being heartbroken. It seems like I have no control over that, anyway.”

When autumn came, you welcomed the cold.

The cold meant that you no longer had to think about Juyeon. Autumn in Seoul meant the leaves falling in magnificent shades of burnt orange and yellow, and it also meant going back to University for your final year of your degree. When school started again, you were thankful for the distraction. The more specialised and specific your classes became, the better idea you got of what you wanted to do with your degree in the future.

Coming out of a counselling session with your career counsellor, you felt confident with the options the two of you had come up with for careers to look in to. “I’ll be at the café soon,” you told your friend over the phone, almost rolling your eyes at their excitement over it being Friday. “Yes I promise. No more than ten minutes. Yes, I swear.”

As you hung up the phone, you hardly noticed someone in a black coat walking by you. “I’m so sorry!” the man exclaimed, picking up your dropped phone and handing it over to you. “I hope nothing happened to it,” he said.

You examined your phone, discovering that the screen wasn’t cracked and seemed to be functioning just find. “Don’t even worry about it,” you assured the man, glancing up at his bespectacled face. You paused. “I’m sorry, are you Jacob?” you asked him, vaguely recognising his face.

The man chuckled. “Kevin, actually,” he corrected. “It’s Y/n, right?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m not so great with names. Not that I was really trying to remember this summer, anyway,” you added awkwardly.

Kevin hummed. “Do you go to school here?”

“I do,” you nodded.

“Me too,” Kevin smiled.

Your eyes widened. “You go to school with Juyeon, though,” you recalled. “That means…”

“He goes here too,” Kevin finished for you. He studied your expression. “You should really talk to him. I think that a few things got mixed up between you guys and I’d hate for you to keep thinking poorly of my friend.”

Talking to Juyeon again just when you were getting over thinking of him didn’t seem like the wisest idea to you. And yet, “Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll meet him.”

It seemed almost too ironic that Juyeon was waiting for Kevin in the same café your friend was waiting in. When you saw the two sitting together, you realised why your friend was so desperate to get you to the café quickly. Sneaky.

“Hey,” you greeted Juyeon, taking a seat opposite him as your friend and Kevin gave you some privacy.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t meet you,” Juyeon apologised. “I know this sounds ridiculous but I got fired for breaking into the pool at night.”

You hadn’t been expecting that. “What?”

“The manager saw that someone had been breaking into the pool after hours. It seemed that he hadn’t gotten the keys on the nights where I locked up, so he pretty quickly figured out who it was,” Juyeon was sheepish to admit. “They escorted me out of the hotel so I couldn’t stay to talk to you.”

“Why didn’t you call?” you wondered.

Juyeon smirked. “It’s not like we exchanged numbers,” he argued.

“That stupid not falling in love and not getting heartbroken bullshit,” you sighed.

Juyeon rose an eyebrow. “You think it’s bullshit too?” he asked. “Glad to hear it. I was getting pretty sick of it by the end of the summer too.”

“Tell me about it,” you grinned. “So, we go to the same University,” you stated the obvious.

“Looks like it,” Juyeon grinned back at you. “I don’t know. It almost seems like it’s fate or something.”

You snorted. “Fate? Three months ago you refused to fall in love, and now you believe in fate?”

“People change,” Juyeon defended himself. “Especially when they meet someone worth changing for.”

You rose an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh really?”

Juyeon leaned forward. “Go on a date with me,” he requested. You merely smiled disbelievingly at him. “Seriously,” Juyeon insisted, eyes slightly narrowed with focus. “I’ve had three months to get to know you and I’ve been missing you for two more. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Your stomach fluttered with butterflies. You didn’t have to think about your answer for even one second. You were already head over heels for him. “And if we get heartbroken?” you asked quietly.

Juyeon cocked his head to the side, his familiar eye-smile appearing as he realised you felt the same as him. “Then at least I know that I loved you.”

note: this took me so long to write i’ve been working on it for a whole month. i hope you enjoyed it!!

updated note: guys i wrote this fic a year before thrill ride came out i basically predicted the future lmaooo