#and the whole “the actor started looking too old for his age” thing is bullshit

[wickedhawtwexler]

i'm so sad that lost gets rid of walter bc i think the whole creepy psychic kid thing could've been so cool to explore more

[yepthatsacowalright]

Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

[edwardnortonwhore]

THE TRUTH HURTS || STRANGER THINGS X AHS ROANOKE

A/n: I thought this up randomly today and I'm sick after getting my 2nd covid vaccine so if this is terrible I'm sorry.

Notes: when they film return to roanoke, the cameras will be live streaming instead of having to be processed after the 3 days. Also, the location of the house is unknown so no one can send help.

Pairings: brother!Steve harringtonxm!reader, bf!eddiemunsonxm!reader, platonic!myroanokenightmarecastxm!reader, ect.

Warnings: blood, extreme injury detail, gore, death, murder, cannibalism, drug usage, swearing, sexual themes and possibly more.

Summary: y/n harrington was an actor on my roanoke nightmare. He played jake Miller, the 18 year old son of shelby and matt, who was mysteriously murdered by the butcher. When invited back to roanoke for a spinoff with the cast, he accepts but not before expressing his worry to his friends, who don't take him seriously until its too late.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎

"Just beacuse I agreed to go back doesn't mean I'm not worried! Just beacuse nothing particularly bad happened while we were there doesn't mean bad things didn't happen when shelby and matt and Lee where there!" Y/n argued with his brother.

"Stop being such a wimp y/n! Jesus, you'll be fine. The whole roanoke cult ghosts thing is just bullshit. Stop worrying because you're scaring people." Steve replied.

"It's not like you're gonna die y/n/n! Worst off you're gonna get a broken finger from falling over." Max added.

"Whatever, I'm driving up there today, I'll be there tommorow night. See ya." He gave Steve a hug before walking over to the smaller kids who had become his family in the years he'd known them. He knelt down in front of them slightly. "Don't cry dusty, ill be back in a week."

The boy just hugged him tightly. He had a tendency to worry about everyone since the Russian base and starcourt mall. Y/n bid the rest of the kids a goodbye but not before eleven could whisper something in his ear and pads him something.

"Watch your back. He will return." She slyly slipped something cold into the back pocket of his jeans before hugging him and leaving him to go see Eddie. It confused y/n greatly but deep down, a part of him knew exactly what the young girl meant.

Eddie engulfed his slightly shorter boyfriend in a hug, burying his face into y/n's neck. "I'm gonna miss you so much." He whined. "Why do you have to leave again?"

Y/n looked into his eyes as he stood up straight again, putting his hands onto the shoulder pads of Eddie's leather jacket.

"I need the money from this gig but I also need to catch up with some old friends. I haven't seen Rory or Audrey since their wedding and I need to make sure shelby is doing okay, the divorce has been hard on her and I want her to be okay."

"Okay." He mumbled, kissing him for a moment, pulling away before speaking again. "I love you. Bye." He smiled.

"I love you too eds, bye."

And with that, he got into his car and waved everyone a goodbye before driving off down the road and back to roanoke.

♤♤♤

♠︎♠︎♠︎

a day later and y/n had arrived at the house. He was first greeted by Sidney who hugged him and told him where the others where. He walked slowly into the house, only to be greeted with two excruciating hugs from Audrey and Rory.

"OH MY GOD! I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN BLOODY AGES!" She screamed at him, a huge smiled painted on her face.

"Good to see you Audrey, I've missed you so much! You too Rory!" He turned to face his ginger friend.

"Good to see you too man."

The three walked further into the house only to be greeted by monet who greeted the man with yet another hug. They engaged in conversation for a while, asking about how each other had been and so on until matt and Lee arrived. It was then when the real drama started. Shelby practically launched herself at the poor sod as his sister, Lee, screamed at the blonde to get off him.

Y/n instantly stood up and ran over, grabbing hold of shelbys arm gently and pulling her back slightly. She cried and screamed at him to let go of her but he knew that of she did, her and Lee would end up in a huge physical fight and he wanst allowed to let that happen.

"SHELBY! you gotta listen to me honey! This isn't going to work if you keep doing this. You need to calm down!" He said to her. She just stormed off, back upstairs. Crying and wailing, all sorts of profanities and curses that could be heard though out the house.

He walked back over to sit next to monet, leaning back into the sofa and laughing quietly to himself.

"Jesus fuck. I've been here for what, 20 minutes?" He breathed out, hoping that that would be worst of the next 3 days over. But boy was he wrong.

That night, Rory went missing, much to Audrey's dismay. But she insisted that he wasn't dead, or kidnapped, he had left to take up a role in a new Hollywood movie. That was all. But then Agnes attacked the house. She was outside, knife in hand, banging at the windows, shouting in a sad British accent with her roanoke season 1 costume on.

Everyone had been focused on her. But not y/n. He had been focused on the boy behind her. A teenager. Jake Miller. A ghost.

He had an axe in his head. A straight, bloody line through his skull. It was then that he knew what el had meant. He was back. During the filming of season 1, while playing jake, y/n had seen the boys ghost on set. It never did anything or said anything. But it was present every day for 6 months.

Then, when things begun to get worse, monet, Lee, y/n and Audrey decided to go through the tunnel in the basement to get help, leaving shelby, matt and Dominic alone in the house.

It was dark down there, it would of been darker if the cameras they were using didn't have flashlights. It was dark and dusty but they followed It. They had to get out. But then they were confronted by a ghost. The ghost of Edward mott. Audrey and y/n had mistaken it for Rory for a moment before it became deformed and let out a terrifying shriek. The four had ran for their lives, kicking up dust and screaming for help until they got put of the godforsaken place. It wasn't over yet however.

They had forgotten one thing.

The polks.

And, despite their attempts at fighting, they had been taken by them. Back to their old, run down farm filled with marujana and dirt and blood. When they got there, Lee had been separated from them and the cameras had been taken away to another room.

The two men were using the electronics to film the three remaining actors who were all chained to a wall and slumped on the dirty, rotting floor. Audrey was crying violently into his shoulder, screaming about Rory. On their way, they had found his torn uo corpse in a tree leaving the group in a state. Monet was pleading with the old woman who was leaning over her with a smug expression.

"Please. Please please let us go!" She wailed at the woman. "We won't tell anyone. I promise! We promise!"

Mama polk just sneered at her.

"Pathetic!" She shouted. "What?" She turned to y/n who stared at her coldly, no emotion present on his face. "YOU NOT GONNA BEG FOR YOUR LIFE?"

She threw a wooden spoon at him and it hit him square in the face, but his expression remained the same. The male polks just laughed at him, fliming it and jeering.

"I dont beg for my life you witch. I never have and I never fucking will." He said, Golding eye contact with her and spitting at her face.

She laughed and wiped the residue of her face grimly. "See, this is what I like. A man with a little self respect."

"So, you like me so much, you're gonna let Audrey and monet go, you will go retrieve Lee if she's even alive still and free her too. Keep me here, do whatever the fuck you want to me. I don't care. Just let them go." Again, no emotion struck the sentence.

"Fine."

Silence.

Shock.

Screaming as the two girls were untied by the polk boys and dragged out of the shack.

Black.

When he awoke, y/n found himself in a room, strapped to a chair. It was full of weed and cocaine. All sorts of stuff. He knew this was it, so, as mama polk walked over to him slowly, he asked one last request.

"Can I send use the cameras to send a message to my family? I know they're watching and I want to say goodbye before they ate forced to watch you murder me." He asked quietly.

She snatched the camera from jether and chucked it at him.

"You got 5 minutes." And they left.

Y/n struggled to hold it up as he was tied up and restrained but he managed. He looked deeply into the lense of the camera and begun to speak.

"Dear family and the other 6 million people who are watching this live right now. I am trapped in a shack somewhere with some crackheads right now and as you all know, I'm gonna die. I'm sorry that you are going to have to see this but you do. Before I die, I want to pass a message onto some people I hold very dearly to me." He paused and begun to cry quietly.

" dear Steve, you are the best brother I could ask for. I swear the amount of times you've saved me from stupid shit just for me to get murdered by an old lady is mental but it is what it is I guess. Do us a favour yeah? Don't let the kids see me get murdered. I'm nit gonna go nicely and I don't want you watching it either. I know your rebellious arse is going to anyways but please, be careful. I love you bro.

Audrey, monet, mat, shelby, if you're alive, don't let these motherfuckers get away with hurting you or us. For fucks sake, get over your differences, get revenge. For Rory, and flora amd everyone else who has fallen vuctim to this god forsaken shit holey. Even Sydney.

Kids, don't cry. Or do. I can't do anything about it but just know that I'll always be with you. Dusty, don't be depressed over me. I'm a shit influence on you so don't end up like me. Will, admit your feelings man, it's been like 6 years! Max, lucas, sort yourselves out. Get married and have kids, or don't, just be happy. Mike, you've got nancy, don't forget that. She's gonna be sad too. And el. You're like a sister to me and I don't want you to get depressed or scared or angry. Don't watch this tape more than anyone. It'll just get stuck in your head and I can't do that to you. I love you all.

And Eddie, I love you. I always will. I know you're scared and upset and angry but promise me you won't do something stupid. Don't do what I did. Don't watch this after I finish beacuse I don't want to hurt you further. I love you always.

I'm sorry it has to end this way." He stopped as a heavy book was thrown at him, cutting his eyebrow. But he continued quickly. "I love you all, don't forget that. Fulfill your goals. You can do literally anything. Goodbye from y/n/n, over and out." The camera was snatched away from his hands and he begun to cry. A mixture if sweat, blood and tears ran down his face and onto his torn shirt.

Mama polk hobble toward him, pulling a knife out of her pocket. It was rusted and old, probably infected with something. Before she used it, sh dipped it in a bucket labeled saltwater.

"Oh fuck." Y/n whispered to himself before he was taken over by a horrific pain in his shoulder.

He screamed out louder than ever as she tore away huge, red strips if flesh from the bone, leaving his tricep raw. The bone was sticking out and blood sprayed over the old hag.

But, instead of stopping, she continued. She skinned both if his arms until he couldn't scream anymore. She cut out his liver and stomach. She tore out his hair, pulling huge chunks of his scalp with it.

Y/n couldn't bare the pain, let alone the thought that his family was watching this right now.

And, as his head got heavier and heaver and his breaths slowed and rasped, he shouted one last word before the sweet release of death.

His eyes made contact with jethers camera and he managed to spit one last, blood soaked word.

"Eddie."

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Back in Hawkins, all hell broke loose. The kids were distraught and panicking on the kitchen along with Steve, Robin and Joyce who tried to calm them down. Meanwhile, Eddie, Nancy and hopper sat, paralysed, unable to move away from the TV screen as it played the sounds and sight of their friend and lovers death. Tears streamed down each one of their faces and Eddie screamed as y/n's corpse fell limp and was kicked by the female polk before being smashed to pieces by jether and another man he couldn't remember. He got up and kicked the TV, cracking it slightly, before running out into the woods.

The house was filled with silence. Everyone had heard it. Eddie's screams, y/n's screams. And then, the struggling voice of Audrey tindal as she came into the view of the camera, covered in cuts and blood and knelt down beside her best friends corpse.

She let out a shout and held his remains up to her body like a child, his guts and blood spilling onto her as she sobbed.

Hoppers phone rang and so did Steve's. It was the police. The next day, the whole group made the journey down to roanoke to speak with the police, fbi etc.

Audrey sat in a room alone, away from Lee who was being questioned on suspicion of murder, attempted murder and child endangerment. Steve walked over to talk to her quietly, they confirmed eachother and alot of hugging was exchanged before an officer came and asked to see Steve and eddie.

They were showed the body and they both broke down again, they had to be carried out of the room by hopper and Murray who had gone along incase something like this happened.

A week later, a funeral was held for y/n. Audrey attended, along with flora and her grandparents, Lee who had to be accompanied by an officer and other cast members or friends.

It had been arranged for speeches to be said, four in total.

Steve went first. He cried through it all but manged to keep going.

"My, my brother y/n, was an amazing person, brother, friend, boyfriend. He was smart, kind, brave, understanding, funny, there isn't enough words to be truthful. And he was taken too soon. His death was unfair but it was not in vain. He saved alot of people in his sacrifice although we all wish it didn't have to end this way. A-and, I hope wherever he is, he knows that we love him, and we will always remeber him."

He got down from the altar and went to check on eddie who was sat in the front row, crying his eyes out into Robins shoulder as she too cried.

Next was eleven.

"I-ive known y/n for a long time. I met him when I was 12. He was like my big brother. He was my big brother. And he helped me alot. He saved me and guided me and he was the best friend anyone could ask for ever. I love him alot and I want him to know that I love him. We all do and that he is in a better place now." She walked away to sit with Jim and Joyce, tears threatening to spill.

Then flora got up. Lee passed her a warning glance not to say anything but she ignored her.

"I knew y/n for a while. I met him during filming if the first season of the show. He was a great friend to me and he helped me through my dad's death, and I'm sad the he isn't here now. We all are. And, deep down, even though he knew the truth, he supported my mom, and me, and aunt shelby and uncle matt. He was an amazing person and I miss him. We love you y/n." She walked back to her grandparents, crying into their hugs as she sent a sympathetic smile to Audrey before she got up on the altar. There the last speech was read.

"I've known y/n for quite a long time. We met on a movie he did when he was 14. He was a bright boy, had a future ahead of him. He was an amazing actor and friend and boyfriend and he was honestly a wonderful person. I remember, there was one room in that whole house that had no cameras in, the bathroom. And, when running, I had placed our cameras on the bath. They couldn't hear us talk or see us. But he told me that I was going to be okay. And that he would do anything at all to make sure of that. And when he sacrificed himself for us, I've never wanted to die more. He didn't have too. He was capable of getting himself out of there and leaving but he didn't, he stayed and let his go. And when I found him I stayed with him. Until the cops got there. I felt the life leave my best friend. The man who held me, comforted me, helped me, made me laugh. He was perfect and that day came too soon for anyone to comprehend. I am truly sorry for him. And we live you y/n, thank you for being here."

And with that, security escorted the crying families out of the building to avoid the growing press that surrounded him.

It was a year later when a small boy knocked on the door of the cabin in the woods. He didn't speak, he just handed a note to Eddie and left.

He sat down to read it on the sofa quietly. He unfolded It and let his chocolate eyes scan the old paper.

Dear Eddie,

I am not alive, nor am I particularly safe. I am dead. I am a ghost. I am sorry that I bad to leave you but I did it for a reason and you have to understand that. I love you so much and I always will, come to these coordinated tommorow and you will find something there.

-y/n

And, when he got there, sure enough he found two figures.

It was y/n and monet, sat under a tree quietly. They turned to see him.

"She is coming. You must be quick. Take this and remember, I love you always." Y/n hugged hon tightly and kissed him before the pair if ghosts disappeared. Eddie was confused and angry. He was upset and in pain but the torches explained it soon enough and, as he sped down the road in a stolen van, he looked down at the locked y/n had given him 10 minutes before, he was finally at peace with himself.

[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon Here!

Firstly, never change Grumpy ;) you are probably the only person on Tumblr to LISTEN to another view and let it change a prejudice.

Secondly, the Padagram/Social Media change bus continues. Don't be fooled people will be looking at positive and negative reactions to that change on social media.

So here goes!

1. They are starting to market season 2 of Walker in Hiatus. That really doesn't happen. That means they know they need to target new viewers. They are acknowledging they have a problem. The main problem is Jared either didn't learn enough about production quality on SPN (Jensen/Misha were both more interested in behind the camera's) or that he thought he could stick a Stetson on and we all had such sh1t for brains we'd watch anything. So they need a viewer boost DESPARATELY and are going all out to (a) persuade Walkers remaining viewer(s) that it's worth sticking around and (b) get back old viewers or convert 1m+ viewers to season 2. So now we see all the cast (and Keegan has more followers than Jared and Lindsay has a VERY engaged following) trying to persuade their followers how fabulous Walker is. Expect this scrabbling to continue if they want their COVID paychecks.

2. Connected to 1, Jared has started trying to break out of the fandom bubble. I don't think he's trying for power couple (the clue in a power couple is that two FAMOUS people get together and create a super brand, here we have one niche C famous guy and a hanger on wife), I think we are in Jared profile raising and trying to raise his recognition score, which is probably a little low having half assed it in the last year and a half. He's doing it by scatter-gunning so I'm not sure it's going to stick.

3. Connected to 2,

(i) if I run my algorithm clean laptop with a "Jared Padalecki" news search, I get (a) a daily mail article on Jared "clarifying the rift" (b) a "hello" magazine saying he's been "inundated with support after death of "family member"" (c) the new york times article on Walker and Supernatural. It then goes into a variety of articles about Jared raising money for Holly's family (fucking atrocious in my view to use her death for publicity) and a series of derivative articles on his mantrum and later explanation. ONLY THE NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE MENTIONS WALKER other than as a throw away, all of the others link to Supernatural only. Walker isn't on the main radar of anyone as a show. It's not mainstream enough to mention. it has ZERO buzz.

(ii) if I run the same search on my compromised tablet, I get a SEA of fluff articles "jared padalecki goes to venice", "jared padalecki's wife wishes him a happy birthday" "jared padalecki goes to watch soccer" "jared padalecki goes to the wrestling". I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow.

At the end of that I get the same articles as in (i) but the majority of his publicity is still going through the fandom and the, not very viewed, endless zine type websites that update on every episode of every geek show every day.

So we are seeing, and I expect it to continue, a break out Padalecki, (who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films), and a fluff Padalecki, trying to stay relevant a year after SPN relevance ended, because he hasn't got the same push for season 2 of Walker as he had for season 1 and Walker has zero presence. No one, not even the fans are talking about Walker.

Will it work? I don't think so. Keegan has 7m followers on Insta and that's because he's a photographer and writer and it's interesting. I would follow his account (I don't), but certainly it isn't a Walker instagram.

Jared is a clever guy, but he's boring on social media. He has a limited appeal. He does family snaps, hunk snaps, flogs orange pee and flogs his show. He says "family" and "mantra" a lot but that's really it. The clue is, if you didn't know who he was and came across his instagram you wouldn't follow him. Why would you? For a video of a guy running up steps? A smug picture of two middle aged men trying to flog you something?... (oh and lots of "brother" comments on Keegan's social media, which is irritating. It's like he thinks that is his repeatable formula and it isn't).

His media approach won't work because advertising and exposure pushes a product. In TV's case, it's not a one off product and there is a lot of competition. Product Jared needs to be more interesting (his mantrum's are the only exciting thing about him - and that is tragic) and his TV show just needs to be BETTER, well, a LOT BETTER.

Soooo, expect the Padapush to continue, but it's not about a couple, it's about individual marketing and for Jared breaking out of SPN bubble. For Gen, it's her tag along profile that she'll never break out of. She'll have to be satisfied with her superpower of being able to persuade people to buy toothbrush's and dog food (if she can).

Expect though the couple's bit to die off a little. Jared is getting over exposed. His engagement rating is plummeting (nearly 3% is a plummet) because of the repetitive photo content. He'll have to back off or people will switch off (I have already). What makes me laugh is.... from the dawn of time when cavemen took their wives 2 miles away for a new cave weekend.... NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOLIDAY SNAPS.... Gen and Jared apparently need to learn that lesson...

I might stop these posts now because, well, it's gotta be a bit boring for you and I write LONG. :)

Stay safe and wear your masks ;) xxx

I don’t want you to ever ever change, lovely! Also, I’m NEVER bored by your messages! You put so much effort into the research you do and the messages you send and it’s appreciated! <3 

I started following Lindsey on IG because she seems pretty genuine, and her cat is way too cute! Plus, I like her attitude. I haven’t followed her for the whole Walker season, but even she doesn’t post a lot about it. She posts interviews and then posts about that night’s episode, but other than that, nothing.  Can’t speak for Keegan, but how are fans and non-fans supposed to be excited about a show when the people STARRING in the show can’t be bothered? Maybe they’re all aware of how shitty it is or maybe they’re lazy, but it doesn’t make sense. 

I’m always interested to see the difference in an “algorithm-free” setting and one that has an algorithm. I always figured Google was the same for everyone, but seeing the difference in articles you’ve outlined is insane. It really just goes to show that Jared isn’t the star that his stans think he is. He’s not as important as they think he is, he’s just an actor.  It’s even more jarring to see just how little Walker is talked about at all. All of my devices probably have been “contaminated” when it comes to algorithm so I can’t really speak personally about the public and fans talking about Walker or not talking about it. I can say that on the posts about Walker from the Supernatural Facebook page, a good chunk of the comments are people saying they stopped watching, never got into it, or thought it was trash. There are only a handful of comments talking about how they enjoy the show. 

I think it was disgusting for him to use a fan’s passing for publicity. And no, I don’t think it was anything other than a PR stunt. Her family had a GFM going that was promoted by plenty of the case INCLUDING GEN, so you know he knew about it. But for him to make his own special one and then have articles posted everywhere about how charitable he is? That’s gross PR bullshit and I hope it backfires. 

I still follow a few Supernatural fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, etc. on Tumblr and even they aren’t mentioning it. I think maybe the hardcore Jared stans post gifsets or whatever, but I don’t see much praise for the show itself, just Jared’s looks. Even the fans aren’t biting and that would make me reevaluate everything if I was Jared. 

I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow. This made me laugh way too hard!

who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films You are on a ROLL!  Maybe I’ve become biased, but I can’t see Jared doing films. I mean, I could see him doing like a side character role or something small, but I can’t see him having a big part of a movie. Like I said, maybe that’s me being biased but I see him staying in TV. I could be proven wrong, but I don’t know. 

I agree about Jared being boring on SM. I used to get some giggles from his Twitter posts and even some of his early IG posts because they were goofy, clever, and candid. It showed his humor and was more personable. Now it’s just all fake and comes off as someone whose only motivation to engage with fans is money and that’s a big turn off. 

For me personally, I think that if instead of the “couple goals” bullshit that they try to push for their lavish trips, if they just posted cool pictures they took of different locations, activities, food or whatever, that would be more palatable than all the “Look at my hubster and I! We’re in Italy! Look at how in love we are!” But maybe that’s because I’ve become a bit of a photography nerd? 

I guess time will tell whether or not Jared will make positive changes and if Walker can be saved, but I’m not really optimistic about it. 

I AM optimistic about your takes on things so keep them coming! Long posts or not, I love them! <3

[uselessheretic]

banri day?? banri????? i dont have anything new but ill post a scene from wip that will never be finished where juza goes to camp for two  weeks and banri experiences realizashuns

Banri rolled through morning practice like a derailed train. 

“What the fuck,” he repeated for what may have been the twelfth time that day. 

“Well,” Omi said while cocking his head and squinting at the screen. “I’m glad he’s making friends!” 

“Since when did Hyodo have friends?” Banri asked.

“We’re his friends.”

“And that’s a fat fucking L on your part, but me? I’m built different.”

Omi frowned as he puzzled over Banri’s words. “I’m sorry. I do not know what most of that sentence means.” 

“God Omi,” Banri said while sucking his teeth. “You’re so old.”

“I’m three years older than you.”

Banri furrowed his perfectly tweezed eyebrows as he considered that. “Nah, that’s fake.” 

Azami, interested in the conversation for the first time, took one of his earbuds out. “I have theories,” he stated. 

“About Hyodo?”

“Why would I––Nevermind. Anyways, I think Omi is evading tax fraud.” The way Azami stated it made it sound like he had put a lot of thought into this. It was a convincing argument.

“Hm…” Banri considered it.

“I’m a student…” Omi defended himself. 

“Yeah, tell that to the government, Boomer.” 

“I have an ID!”

“And I’m from a Yakuza family. I know that shit’s easy to fake, but whatever.” Azami gestured to his eyes signalling a I’m watching you warning. 

Banri slapped Omi on the back of his freakishly broad shoulders. “Come on, you are kinda a whole ass mom. I don’t know what aged you up like that.”

Azami scratched at his head, also thinking about it. “Trauma?”

“Maybe?” 

They both looked to Omi, who just shrugged in response. 

“I mean, yeah, probably,” he agreed. 

Mystery solved, Banri was more than ready to go back to the subject at hand. 

“I wanna see!” Taichi made grabby hands towards the phone still in Omi’s hands. Omi tossed it to him, and Taichi, only fumbling a little, made a triumphant noise when he caught it. His eyes flew wide when he pulled up the screenshot of Kazunari’s post. 

“She’s cute!” Taichi announced in a shocked voice. 

“It’s insane!” The beginning of a tension headache was starting to form. Banri rubbed viciously at his temples, as if trying to drill into his skull and rip the migraine out of his head. 

Taichi wasn’t helping as he cried out in jealousy. “No fair! I want to talk to a girl who’s that cute!”  

“She’s not that cute,” Banri mumbled. 

“Yes, she is!” Taichi insisted. “Azami, what do you think?” 

Azami yelped as Banri’s phone was shoved in his face. Reluctantly, he took a quick peak. “She has nice skin. It looks smooth and healthy. I think she needs a lighter moisturizer though. Juza better be wearing sunscreen out there.” 

“See, even Azami said she was a total babe!” Taichi said, triumphantly. 

“I didn’t say that!” Azami sputtered out. 

“When did she become a babe?” Banri complained. “What happened to cute?” 

With a serious expression, Taichi placed a hand on Banri’s shoulder. “Bro, you can be cute and a babe at the same time. Girls are versatile like that.” 

He put a little too much force in slapping Taichi’s hand away. “Shut up. Anybody would look cute next to Hyodo’s busted up mug.” 

Omi hummed in thought. “Do you think you might be a bit jealous, Banri?”

“Huh?” It was a ridiculous assumption, so ridiculous that it left Banri devoid of words and with his mouth hanging open in shock. 

Jealous? Jealous of what? That Hyodo could talk to some girl that wasn’t even that cute? 

Okay, maybe she was a bit cute in a tomboy-ish way, but “babe” was still going too far! She was just some girl. One with nice skin and a pretty smile who happened to be talking to Juza. 

There was no reason for Banri to be jealous because Banri was perfectly capable of walking outside and finding a girl twice as attractive to chat up. There was nothing special about getting lucky that a chick could stand his presence for long enough to engage in what was probably a dry and awkward conversation.

“Banny? You in there?” Taichi’s voice broke through like a lighthouse through fog, snapping Banri out of his thoughts as he waved a hand in front of his face. 

“Why would I be jealous of Hyodo?” Banri finally spit out. “I can pull girls way hotter than that.”

Omi chuckled awkwardly and turned away. “Not exactly what I meant, but sure.”

“It’s just a surprise is all! Since when did Hyodo talk to girls? Forreal, when has anybody ever seen him talk to any girl?”

“He talks to The Director!” Omi said.

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t figured out that The Director’s a girl.”

And in a show of impeccable timing, that was the exact moment Izumi decided to enter the practice room with Sakyo trailing behind her. 

“Come again?” Izumi asked. 

“What the hell are any of you talking about?” Sakyo’s voice was practically a snarl. 

“No, really. Come again?” Izumi repeated herself, a smile on her face as she cocked her head in a questioning manner. 

Deciding that Sakyo was the less frightening of the two options to deal with, Banri held his phone up as he called out to him. “Furuichi! Hyodo’s being a whore on Instablam!”

A fascinating mixture of exhaustion, anger, regret, and even more exhaustion colored Sakyo’s expression. Knowing he didn’t want to hear an answer, but aware that there was no way to avoid it, Sakyo asked, “What?”

Omi tried to reign the conversation in as a voice of reason. “Banri’s just a bit worked up is all.” And then, in a stage-whisper that was completely useless, he said, “He’s jealous that Juza’s talking to a cute girl.”

“I’m not fucking jealous and she’s not fucking cute!” Banri yelled at a reasonable volume considering the circumstances.

“Christ on a fucking cracker,” Sakyo had reached the limits of his patience. “Everybody shut the hell up! Practice begins NOW!”

The small group of actors broke up, taking their cue to start setting up for practice, something they should’ve done fifteen minutes earlier. 

“She is cute though! Director, you should see!” Taichi said as he tried to carry too many chairs at once to clear the floor. 

“Banri’s just being mean,” Omi agreed as he took the majority of the chairs out from Taichi’s arm who had begun to tilt dangerously. 

“No, this whole thing is just bullshit is all,” Banri argued. “That has to look bad for the company, right? Isn’t he supposed to be acting, not slutting it up in the woods.”

“What?” Izumi asked. “What does any of that even mean, Banri!” 

Banri handed her his phone, pouting as he saw Sakyo take a half-interested peek over her shoulder. 

“Aw, he’s making friends!” Izumi said with not even a hint of slutshaming. 

“How is that allowed?” Banri asked. “And since when did he talk to girls? Come on, I can’t be the only one stumped by that!” 

The others in the room made some vague mumbling noises.

“I mean, did he lie though?” Azami said. 

“He’s allowed to make friends. That’s what camp is for! Do you think girls and boys can’t be friends, Banri?” Izumi’s voice was tactfully disappointed. 

“Don’t try to trap me, I took a Women's Studies course last semester,” he said while crossing his arms. “I know chicks and dudes can hang, or whatever.”

“I–Chicks? Seriously, Banri?” 

Banri blinked in confusion. “What? It’s not like I said bitc–”

Before he could finish his sentence, Sakyo smacked him in the back of the head. Hard. 

“Watch yourself,” Sakyo warned him. He sighed as he watched Banri rub at the sore spot pouting. “What would you even want me to do? Give him the birds and the bees speech?”

Banri balked at the suggestion. “Gross… I can’t even imagine what that’d be like.” 

“What?” Sakyo asked. “Do you need it explained too, Settsu?” 

“It’s awful,” Azami spoke with blank eyes that had seen horror. “Don’t do it. Save yourself.” 

“Juza and lady sitting in a tree,” Taichi sang out. “K-I-S-I-N-G!” 

“Shut up!” Azami shoved at Taichi with a bright red blush. “That’s disgusting!” 

“Agreed,” Sakyo said with an affirmative nod. 

Omi mouthed the letters while ticking them off on his fingers, “I think you may have missed a letter, Taichi. There should be two S’s,” 

“Huh? Are you sure? K-I-S-Ohhh!” The world’s smallest lightbulb sputtered on above his head. 

“No, it’s S, Taichi. S,” Omi tried to correct him. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

“Yeah, I got that!” Taichi said. “Juza and lady sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-”

“No!” Azami yelled. 

“Huh?” Omi said while furrowing his eyebrows. “It’s definitely two S’s. K-I-S-” 

“Stop talking about kissing!” Azami begged. He covered his ears, sinking to the floor in a horrified teenaged ball. 

Meanwhile, Banri stood off to the side. Tired. Defeated. “Izumi?” he called for The Director weakly.

“Yes?” she asked with concern in her voice. 

“I think I’m in hell.” He could barely speak above a hoarse whisper. 

Izumi patted him on the back, gentle and caring. “It’ll be okay, Banri. Although we will need to circle back to that ‘bitches’ thing later, kay?”

[bitteropinions]

Trigger sexual assualts if you try to call me a snowflake on this I'm assuming your a weirdo and detrimental to society as a whole. DIE.

Dc be pushing sexual assault, non con, and child molesters into their character storylines like thats what's gonna make them take the cake of being a villain even though prior they have already brutally murder innocent people some of which are kids and even toddlers.

Saw a post about how Rp scenes and plots are so tired and unnecessary and they are.

No one needed to see Terra or hear jokes about her trying to get slade to sleep with her. Nor did we need to a see a child with loli animation in pink lingerie. Nor did we have to see that slade committed statutory rp and is now a "child molester" she's a child to me but I don't know the term for her specific age group although she is meant to look 11. Matter of fact we didn't need the plot at all.

They existentially took this badass dude and adding sketchy scenes on his data and kept it going after its originally debut even kissing her. Which makes his character less interesting by a landslide.

The only adaptions as a plot line many should've kept are the manipulation and non sexual grooming experiences due to her love for him. Thats evil, him taking advantage of a lovestruck, dependent girl who is really trying to do everything to make him happy just to have him betray her by exploiting her weakness to his benefit and tossing her aside. Those plot lines always work and we are always mad for the victim even if they are evil assholes like Terra. It's killed when the fact that he potentially was gonna see his "promises" through taints it.

What's not evil is having him engage in sexual acts with a lolli. Thats just gross and awkward since he's old as fuck why would I want to as a little girl or as a adult read and ingest a childporn plot? Which as I mentioned alot of comic bros have and those are the people you see defending sketchy directors and the actresses and actors that have been paid to do male gaze rp scenes are the first to back them up. This is why every other person felt kinda uncomfortable with his obsessions with the robins because now they have this man who actively seeks them fucking around with a girl their age. Yes, that does make watching slade in teen titans and any movie where he interacts with them uncomfortable. Especially when a similar plotline like this happened in watchmen.

The joker is already evil, he's already scary and brutal. We don't need scenes of him abusing harley(vice aswell) in every page that they are toxic. We don't need to see him harassing other females with the intent of torture or shock value if we do absolutely need to we don't need it in its own mutiple Pov in the comics. We already know not to fuck with this dude why try to fake his plot by putting in shit that won't even benefit him. Beating Jason is in character of the joker we can admit that.

But the joker going out of his to seem extra rpey not really.

And Harleys controversial scene that not really rpe but was made to look like it because "only we the directors truly know the scene and what it means" is bullshit. I can understand having harley sexually harassing people as a trait because she is evil and written to seem like a "whiner" if she does not get who she wants or what she wants. What I can't understand though is these directors going out of their way to tell us everytime we see her that she's that way. The scene imo was too far because even people who really watched the scene and really read the comics where a little confused on what the fuck was happening and why it was beneficial to the plot line.

Alot of DC characters follow this unnecessary I have to be rpey to be truly evil plot line.

Someone said DC is starting to get too sexual to the point where they now have characters having sex for the hell of it or relationships that don't make sense just so they can have sex somewhere on the media. And yeah I believe it . Sex doesn't scare me after ingesting graphic killings etc from DC it's the unnecessary use for it. Sex scenes and Rpes have never truly served a strong enough purpose for me to see them.

I've watched plenty of things that implied that it happened that got the point across better and easier. Even instances where a charcter is being mocked for experiencing assault instills emotions in me better then seeing it explicitly.

And yes marvel does this bullshit too.

[imakeficrequestsandthendisappear]

The post where I try to fix Klaus’ arc in TUA season 2

(((I guess I just am an umbrella academy blogger now)))

OKAY, so we all can agree that Klaus’s arc in season 2 (mostly with dave) was....not great. the intentions i think were good, but misguided. It started pretty good, the acting was great, but it didn’t have the lasting power. Here’s 10 things the writers should have done differently, or should do in the future (as told by me, a nobody). Yes most of this is a long Klaus x Dave shitpost 

1. Learn Basic Math:   Idk why this is so hard to fucking grasp, but Dave’s baby-faced teenager age doesn’t make any fucking sense. according to the wiki, he was born in 1939, so in 1963 he is 24 years old. the actor who played young Dave is currently 20, so was probably 19 when they filmed. 

Why? why. *instert why vine*

like yeah he’s younger, but he doesn’t need to look like a infant. The baby-est gay that ever did baby gay. it puts a weird dynamic into the whole season with Klaus. and it’s not like there isn’t someone else who can play dave....

2. Hire Cody Ray Thompson again:  ....like, I’m baffled. they’ve baffled me. This guy had one(1) job, fall in love with Klaus, and he did it with so much charm and chemistry that the whole fanbase is still quaking. he had like 2 lines. like less 3 total minutes of screen time. And we all fell in love with him cause he did so good. ((he’s also a klave stan check out his twitter))

Whyyyy couldn’t they just get him in for season? “hE’d LoOk ToO OlD” well the other kid looked too damn young. do his hair different, have him lose some bulk in the arms and shoulders, get him a k-pop skin care routine, I don’t care.

Imagine if he got to have multiple scenes with Robert Sheehan, when they had so much chemistry in just a short montage in season 1.

3. Knock it off with the homophobia: i’m not gonna talk about when Dave punches klaus it’s literally the worst part of the season. it’s not what i came here for. I want a refund. (see point 7 for notes)

4. Actually make the cult a useful part of the season: like we have hundreds of adoring klaus fans ready to do anything he tells them… could that have served a plot purpose at any point? Could that have been useful in a conflict, or some character development? No?

5. Establish the Ben possessions much earlier: probably one of the most interesting plot points from season 2 is that ben had more agency. And then 5 minutes later he didn’t. I know we have 7 main characters but did we need this many scenes with the Handler while Ben got diddly fuck until the last 2 episodes? 

6: Why Doesn’t Klaus see ghosts anymore?: like, he sees Ben. but, what about all the other ones? He got sober, does he just ignore them now? ((guys what if he conjured the spirit of JFK)) 

7: (this one’s long) Make Klaus’s arc about internal conflict, not an external conflict between him and Dave:  

Klaus is established in season 1 to be selfish, but in like a fun way. he thinks of self satisfaction before literally anything else. this comes to a head when he comes back from Vietnam and says “He was the only person I’ve ever loved more than myself” 

After this Klaus’ growth is kind of put on the back-burner for the apocalypse stuff. We never really get to see him put someone else first after that. Even when he gets sober to see Dave, it’s to fulfill his own desires. 

By season 2 his world view has shifted, he gets sober, but we need more actions toward change. he gets bored of the cult and ditches them, and he barely does anything for Ben.

(selfish but lovable)

Enter tall hunky texas boy Dave, (((who is an adult man))) who is in the closet from his homophobic family, but it’s not spelled out for us. It could be as subtle as a look, or saying a coded phrase. The audience isn’t interested in the macro-drama of 1960’s homophobia, we are interested in the micro-drama between these two characters.

Anyway, Klaus is excited to see Dave, and they like meet and have a normal conversation, where it is eventually revealed that Dave is already planning on joining the marines soon. Klaus wants to stop him but then he realizes (or Ben tells him) that if Klaus says the wrong thing (like telling Dave not to go to war) it would change the timeline and they would never meet in 1968. And for the next couple EPISODES i want Klaus to have to think about this, like it’s an actual hard decision to make. He’s a creature of habit, his instincts are selfish because he’s always been selfish, but he loves this guy so much. 

Maybe he tries bargaining, like maybe he can subtly tell Dave just enough to keep him alive, but not stop him from going to Vietnam. And Dave is rightfully confused that this person knows a lot about him, but also like… he’s kinda cute. I want weird coffee shop dates and long walks through the texas fields in the setting sun.  

But right at the deadline of “we gotta stop the apocalypse again” Klaus realizes that he can’t let Dave go to Vietnam, even if it means they never meet. Cause he loves dave like way too much to even risk it, even if it means putting his own happiness second. It’s the first truly selfless act of love Klaus does for someone. So he tells him everything, but it sounds fucking bat-shit insane and Klaus has to leave right then and there. Leaving Dave standing there like “Wtf”

Later on after the Kennedy assassination, klaus and all the hargreeves’ are named as suspects, so Dave wonders if he’s just been duped by a cult leader this whole time (but also is kinda sad about it). He enlists in the marines anyway, and this is where we stay on the season one timeline.

But speaking of time-lines…….

8. Use season 3 to retcon timeline issues: like obviously they are going to fuck around with the timeline, because of the fucking bird school and emo ben. So take this opportunity, dear writers, to figure out how Klaus’s (and everyone else’s) lives make any sense, and cut some stuff from the season 1 and season 2 timelines. (and no, Klaus and Dave never falling in love in Vietnam is not a valid choice. It’s a garbage way to make me cry.)

9: Set a whole (or most of an) episode in 1968 Vietnam: maybe this is when they are trying to fix the timeline. Idk it’s just for fanservice. They have a whole 10 episodes and they can’t give just one to klaus? bullshit.

10. (Fan Theory) Reveal that Dave was killed by the commission: the true tragedy of this romance is that if Dave lived Klaus probably wouldn’t have gone back to 2019. They might have actually lived a happy life together. But the timeline needs Klaus in 2019, to be part of and die in the apocalypse, so the commission sends someone (.....maybe not Five) out to kill his boyfriend. 

Anyway it took me so many braincells to write this post and i do not accept criticism for free, so dm for my paypal if you want to tell me this was stupid.

[binickandros]

Hey I know it was a few days ago you said this but I'm coming into your asks to also complain about how much they sidelined Nick in the Stand. I legitimately don't understand the creative choice to focus on Harold as the main character and sideline Nick and the other, bigger characters. Yes Owen Teague is a fantastic actor, he was amazing, but the decision was presumably made long before his casting. Why was this the Harold Lauder show whereas Nick was barely in it, I... don't understand :(

Stand ranting anon again: I just wanted to add that I would be fine with the amount of screen time Harold got, if all the other characters got the same amount, like if it was a 20 episode season and we could get a whole episode of Nick backstory, of Frannie etc. We only even saw Frannie pre-plague through the fence whilst Harold was creeping on her, which is really... Not Great. So yeah I just feel like it was bizarre they used their limited time in the way they did, very confused.

Listen, nonny, LISTEN: I may never be over this injustice. I am a CANCER, we hold GRUDGES, and you can consider this one fuckin well HELD. Uh this gets long sooo...

I watched the 94 miniseries when it aired and of course immediately loved Nick. Shortly after that I read the book for the first time and loved Nick even more (Larry is 2nd, then prob Fran, then Stu), and over the years I’ve rewatched the mini-series and re-read the book and I was always like “man, I’d love to see an adaptation of this without network TV limitations, just like dark and creepy and atmospheric, but with the good guys winning the day” as they do.

So fast forward to 2011 or whenever and there are tentative announcements of a movie. Eh, not great, nowhere near enough time. Then!! A limited series!! Which is just a miniseries made fancy.

My dumb ass: more time in Shoyo!! Maybe Rita AND Nadine!! More time with Fran and her dad!! Etc etc

Welp I guess I got one of those things, but at what cost!! A whole entire Lucy, and uh...p much everything else I might have wanted.

I was talking about this with someone else (you know who you are but don’t wanna tag you in case you, like me, avoid the mortifying ordeal of being known at all cost) and we were both like “okay what EXACTLY about our culture right now made the adapters here (including King’s own son, Owen) think that a story about good v. evil somehow needed to focus on the red pill incel????”

Like they obviously had some idea about making the story more diverse, but because of the way they then used those characters, it felt like performative with no substance.

Ralph Brentner is now a Native woman?? Love it!! She’s also a glorified extra until the last few episodes?? Oh pls fuck off.

Larry is Black?? Great! A Black main character!! Except of course he’s NOT because HAROLD IS.

Nick’s now Latino! Buuuut played by a hearing actor. Which actually only matters in principle because we’re going to try to sweep our bullshit decision-making under the rug by hardly having him on camera. Won’t show up till episode 3, gone by episode 6, in one 2-minute scene in episode 5. Good job, guys! *high fives all around the writers’ room*

I’d honestly like to see someone with way more time on their hands do a screen time comparison between Nick and Harold, or Harold and literally every other character on this show. They opened with Harold, he was in every episode in a major way, he got a CLOSING MONOLOGUE and MONTAGE of his LIFE, while Nick just blew up and then was mentioned a few times and that was it.

I mean I guess they attempted something meaningful by having him...looking at that picture or postcard before the bomb? Which was like someone on a boat, so was maybe his mom, or reminded him of his mom? But how the hell were we to know that, bc we got the piece of exposition about his mom from FLAGG in ONE SCENE, and we’d never seen that picture before, nor do we have any idea of the significance of “Silencio,” which was written on the picture and was the title of the episode. It was literally not meaningful AT ALL bc we as the audience didn’t know a goddamn thing about it, and it was “blink and you miss it.”

I thought 9 hours would give us more time for backstory. That’s what I was looking forward to. Like Fran burying her dad was sad bc duh he’s her DAD and he’s DEAD, but it’s so much more meaningful when you’ve seen them bonding. Even the 94 miniseries, which had to cut some stuff for time, showed us how close they were, and the scene of her stitching his shroud was heartbreaking.

How did Stu, a 45-year-old man (tho that’s James Marsden’s age and I think they mean for Stu to be younger), come to fall in love w Frannie, a 20ish-year-old girl?? Who knows! He saw her on the road and thought she was cute and I guess that was that. She’s a college student from Maine and he works in a calculator factory (or something idr) in East Texas and there’s a huge age difference, so what do they have in common? Ah fuck it who cares let’s see what Harold’s doing.

I just honestly would like to know the thought process here. I think. Let’s be real. This is what happens when your main creative team is nerdy white boys. They identify with Harold: he’s an “outsider,” he’s “misunderstood,” if only people hadn’t been so mean to him!

An adaptation created by 2 white dudes. A writers’ room with all white dudes, except ONE woman who, for all we know, was just there, again, as tokenism. This is what happens when white men create for themselves without any real input from women, POC, or members of the LGBT community. Because the “gay rep” on this show is a whole other rant.......

Anyway, nonny, I’m writing a Nick fic rn that will hopefully see the light of day soon, and it’s literally. All Nick. And an OC bc Nick deserves love too!! And no Julie does not count. I’m not saying that just as shameless self promotion, but also to show that I was so incensed by this bullshit adaptation that I’ve now written 35k words and they JUST LEFT SHOYO, all while starting school doing something I’ve never even dipped my toe into before, so it’s fairly intense work.

Justice for Nick Andros. He deserved better from the source material, and somehow an adaptation made in 2020 (when we should all know better) made it So. Much. Worse.

[howlingmoonrise]

Thoughts on Petshop of Horrors: Wandering Ark volumes 1 & 2

(also on dreamwidth)

HOW did I manage to miss the translation of my long-awaited Papa D PSOH series?? I've been stalking it ever since I found the announcement and somehow the fact that @ruthlessnightsscans​ already put out the first two volumes completely went past my head.

Obviously I had to read it right away, sleep be damned.

this is the edited version of my brain thoughts after i managed to get two sleeps and calm down a bit or it would be a lot more incoherent

The art: the initial pages really remind me of the old art! Unfortunately it goes back to the roundness prevalent since the Shin series (which has only become even rounder with time) not long after. That art style is also a lot less dynamic than the original, I find. It's a bit of a problem on scenes that are supposed to have some tension caused by movement. This is nothing new since, like I said, Sensei has been using this art style since a good while ago. I really miss the original art though. It had a major nostalgia punch to it and a lot more feeling as well.

-- First chapter: "I am on a journey with no destination in mind" just say you're on vacation and go off I guess. 

Papa is... weirdly easy-going. I want to say it's because he's not yet mad with grief and his son being taken away and so on, but the glimpses we saw at his time in university definitely didn't paint him this soft. There's no edge to him, on this volume or the next. 

Regarding the story itself, I can't say I loved it but it’s not the worst out of all of them (there are four in total between these two volumes, and a third volume is on the way). I liked Koushun's character, but Seiyou annoyed me, especially when he presumed to know what she wanted (or perhaps he didn't presume, but decided for her what was better anyway) - something like I Shall Revive This Species So Breed In My Name Okay Bye. Note also that while Koushun was willing enough to marry (thinking she was marrying someone else but that's another point entirely), the groom himself came in chains. And then Seiyou... locks them in together? Great. Just great. Very conducive to a loving mood indeed, locking a woman with a potentially dangerous stranger who might cause her harm and telling them both to fuck (note. the. chains. you don’t put chains on someone you think is harmless; they never put any on Koushun even when she attacked Seiyou). I was afraid for her when it cut to another scene here, with the last we saw of her being pushed against a wall and being told by the groom that it seemed that he would have to make a child with her. "Rather than hate each other, I want to break that curse"? Seiyou, sweetie, that is NOT the way to make them not hate you. ((The reveal that Koushou is some sort of creature - very PSOH-y - does not help, since putting two wild animals together without them being used to each other is perhaps even more likely to them killing/harming one another.))

MAJOR little mermaid vibes on Koushun standing over a sleeping Seiyou with a knife. 

There are quite some parallels with the D species on this tale of bloodshed and revenge. The Ds could stand to learn from this, though historically they don't. "Even if you kill the third prince, the Kagetsu people are already gone. They won't return." Papa himself says that 'winning on the last available tile' is a waste of time, which really resonates with his research into reviving lost species and the issues of his own kind. A reference to the health of descendants when no new blood is introduced is also made here, which might or might not point to our D depending on where in time this Papa is from.

--

Second chapter: it's... frankly, super choppy. The story is all over the place. On the author's note, Akino herself says that it's a challenge to put the whole life of that empress in 57 pages, and I have to agree. Either it should have been cut to the REALLY relevant parts and worked on them some more, or be discarded in its entirety. It's too rushed. The whole first part was unnecessary: it could have started with her already working at the palace or being chosen as a concubine, and then made references to her previous life in her thoughts instead of wasting several pages on it when that backstory won't be going anywhere (except for some references to Hakubun whom she sees on that other actor - who dies like, two or three pages later, so that's that on that). I do like Ranji herself as a character: she's clever and quick to pick up on things. Her life is just a series of tragedies one after the other, unfortunately. 

Papa D is some sort of benevolent helper in this chapter for some reason - this pattern repeats somewhat on the next chapters, but on this one there isn't really anything to gain for him at all, other than perhaps his dubious acquaintance with one of the concubines/future empress, which wouldn't really hold much weight since he met her ?once? apart from near her death.

And then, somehow, the initial Papa D in this chapter was actually Sofu?

Sofu???? I'm calling bullshit. As far as we know - going back to Sofu's own series and flashbacks on the original PSOH, even - Sofu never had a hairstyle of that length, and out of our three known Ds (new!D excluded) he's the one least likely to help a human just because. The ark is also said to travel through space and time, so I'm saying that's Papa D and that's it. Fun aside: on this chapter, Papa says he's the "third generation", meaning that on this series he's probably the youngest existing D (and by inference our D does not exist yet).

Also, some issues with in-story continuity here: when the last emperor dies Ranji still looks fairly young and the emperor-to-be is three years old, a couple pages later she looks a lot more aged but the new emperor is still three years old. To be honest, I think the story would have been tied off much better if A-chan had some connection with Hakubun or the eunuch instead of each having their very brief, individual emotional connections to her - which, in turn, doesn't really make them memorable. The "wishes" thing was interesting, really called back to the old PSOH tradition with the mystical pets and bittersweet be-careful-what-you-wish-for endings.

--

Third chapter: I think, overall, this was probably the one I liked the best. Can't really bring myself to call it my favourite though, since none of them even begin to compare to the original PSOH chapters. I cackled at the "jawline is too sharp" dialogues and thoughts: with this art style EVERYONE has the same round jaw as every other character, and it's the furthest thing from "sharp" possible.

With this series it really seems like Sensei is giving more focus to trying to tell historically-accurate stories rather than focusing on the stories themselves, as there is a huge amount of superfluous historical information to be found in these volumes. 

The empress Elizabeth reminds me of Sofu, in truth. She won't "mind" affairs and the like (read: she will hate it but ignore them) as long as it works towards her ends. Her taking away the newly-born child is a huge parallel to Sofu regarding both Papa and D, and D and new!D. Child-snatching FTW! That being said, I actually kind of liked her, ruthless as she was: the whole reason why Sophie made it as far as crown princess was because Elizabeth valued her hard work. You don't get to hold an empire together without having a steel spine and a cunning mind (or people to do the work for you I guess, but here it doesn’t seem to be the case).

I hate that Sophie had to change even her name and religion to fit her new reality, accurate as it is to history. That sort of thing always messes me up (throwback to the Nazi/teddy bear chapter of the original PSOH series, where there was also a name/religion change for the sake of survival). Not a reflection on the author in any way, I just hate that this is something people had to go through. As something I hated that kinda does reflect on the author, though, was the ugly = terrible association with Pyotr and the maid. Sophie/Catherine is initially said to not be beautiful but she's not depicted in the same way those two are at all. 

Papa's benevolence is thankfully offset this chapter by the fact that he does have something to gain here. For some reason Ds doing things merely for the goodness of their hearts kind of rubs me the wrong way unless it's D during or post-Leon. 

Most PSOH victims clients: oh a pretty person! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S AN ANIMAL Sophie/Catherine: a dog you say? sounds kinda hot ngl

Gotta respect how she just jumps straight into the dog affairs. The take-back of the empire was also nicely executed, and I'm always here for ladies in traditionally male clothing. 

--

Fourth chapter:

This is linked semi-directly to the third chapter by virtue of the amber room Papa D craved. Marks also the second time that Papa takes a human on board of the ark.

D, circa end of original PSOH, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he watches Leon plummet towards the earth: Humans have not earned the right to board this ark. Papa D: I'm gonna go for a joyride and take along this human and this human and this human and this human and--

Papa really gives Doctor Who vibes on the ark matter. Travelling through space and time, occasionally taking human companions? The one for this chapter - who I'm guessing might be a cameo from one of Sensei's other series, since I didn't recognize him and there was no backstory for him on the chapter - even has era-appropriate wardrobe changes (at least assuming it's the same person and not just someone who looks similar scratch that they have eyes of different colours so I guess Papa has been giving rides to delivery men now), the second of which leaving me very ??? as to WHEN he is from. 

That last Look(TM) reminds me a of Leon Orcot, between the long ponytail and the clothes resembling the ones Leon wore on the last chapter of Shin PSOH (in PSOH time, that would have happened approximately 15 years after the end of the original series, meaning that Papa was already long dead then. Unless Leon's style was just stuck in time, which is also very possible). 

It might or might not have endeared him to me for that exact reason. What can I say? I'm a sucker for Leon Orcot, and apparently also for characters that visually remind me of him. ANYWAY.

Why another Nazi-era chapter??? Sensei plz. One was already enough on the original PSOH - it wasn't anywhere near my favourites back then, either - and the fact that this one mostly followed a Nazi colonel didn't help either. Here we witness them tearing down the amber room, "reclaiming" art from all over the world, a father's heartbreaking sacrifice to “save” his daughter’s dog, and Papa D coming to meet the Nazi dude. One would expect the Ds to avoid genocidal racists given the fate of their own species, but apparently the Nazis were relevant enough for not one but TWO Ds to interact with them. Oh well. Either way, I really don't like how Papa appears to not care one way or another - when the D for the original series interacted with people he didn't like, his mask was really fairly obvious (at least for the reader). Perhaps Papa simply has a better mask. Perhaps those nuances were lost to time and round art styles. Perhaps Papa or Sensei just don't give two shits. Guess we'll never know.

EVERYONE seems to comment on the flavour of Papa's tea: it's 4 out of 4 so far for these two volumes, and in this chapter in particular it seems as if it's laced with some kind of truth serum - it seems to be Papa's version of D's (and possibly Sofu's?) incense from the original PSOH. A reference to the original PSOH's Nazi chapter is also made here, with Papa mentioning that Sofu was on friendly terms with Eva Braun: this implicates that in this time they were in closer contact (not surprising since Sofu probably hasn't stolen his still-non-existent kid yet).

The colonel seems to value art over human life - surprise surprise! - so he kills his own comrades to keep the art "safe". A stomach-turning moment comes where they find human golden teeth being kept as treasure, which Papa mentions remelting to turn into golden nuggets. Why, Papa/Sensei, why? It's in poor taste, even if you're testing the colonel the way D did with some of his clients on original PSOH.

At the very least an eerie moment comes next where Papa explains that dead creatures can be revived using DNA. "Even dead people?" Cue Papa's all-seeing stare directly into the reader's eyes (and presumably the colonel's as well) with a backdrop of an inverted black-and-white multitude of graves as he says that future is not very far. Colonel almost shits his pants, with reason when you consider the amount of people the Nazis killed off that would presumably come after them. This almost forgives the teeth comment, and it's probably the first moment in these two volumes when we see some genuine emotion on Papa's face (on this page and the next), creepy and maniac as it might be.

Colonel dude has spent the whole chapter justifying everything under "orders of the fuhrer" so far. Then comes the moment that Papa calls him out by saying that the orders were to burn his sweet dear art so that it wouldn't fall into enemy's hands, and it's here that we see how much of an hypocrite the colonel is when he doesn't want to follow those orders. Suddenly it's "treasures of mankind" (even though he's been stealing them left and right) and the fuhrer is "a fool" (even though he's been using his orders and his "greatness" as justification for everything). 

Suddenly, Papa's companion! Who the heck is that! Shoots him! This is someone whose family was killed by the colonel (directly or under his orders) or so he says; he's gripping a piece of art we don't get to see, which is presumably the reason for those deaths. Now in the future! A guy who looks a bit like that other man who shot the colonel, but who I'm not 100% sure if it is or is not the same person because the round art style makes everyone look alike Someone who is definitely not the same guy because his eye colour is different (and who's dressed in a sporty outfit with a long ponytail, which I've mentioned kinda reminds me of Leon) looks for the amber in the place the art was stored, alongside Papa. He flies on the ark (all these humans on the ark, Sofu would have a conniption!) and reminds me of Leon once more while being shouty and holding on to the main mast for dear life.

The sacrificial father mini-plot also gets resolved with the dog returning (but not the father himself) along with a picture with that family. Which is presumably the picture the other dude who shot the colonel was holding, which begs the question: how is he related to them? He doesn't look like any of them, but he did say the colonel killed his family while (presumably) holding that same picture, so hmmm. Maybe he's the dog, colour-scheme aside? But apart from the father, the rest of the family seems to have survived, so it's kind of a strange thing to say since that sort of wording usually means more than one person. Even if he is the dog (my money is on that option), it's not exactly obvious to a reader who's not looking very closely. Some loose ends there, or at least ends that don't really look like they're tied together at all.

"No matter how long winter is, spring will come." Fairly hopeful final words there, Papa D. These echo similar ones spoken by D at the end of Shin PSOH, after running from Leon once more ("someday, the season for returning will come"): perhaps both these Ds are not as pessimistic as to their future, at least at this point? Poor Papa definitely had a change of heart between his series and the ending of original PSOH, unfortunately.

--

General thoughts: Sensei hasn't quite managed to replicate the feeling of the original PSOH just yet. The storytelling feels a bit shallow and rushed, though the pacing improved from the first volume to the second. There's also very little focus on Papa himself for some reason: he's more of a background character on his own series except for the fourth chapter, which is a very strange narrative choice. In part this might also be because he doesn’t have a permanent companion to discuss/argue with like in previous iterations of the PSOH series. I wonder if the third volume will continue on this trend? I wish it’d delve a bit more into Papa, but either way it’s still nice to get some more PSOH content.

I've heard Vesca will make an appearance next volume, I'm so excited!! Out of Shin PSOH, my favourite chapters were Leon's (surprise surprise!) and the ones with Papa and Vesca on their university days. Papa definitely seemed a lot sharper there, which I miss here - I feel like Sensei has been smoothing out all their edges like with the art style lmao, and in turn it makes them feel a bit lacking since the Ds are not meant to be bland and forgiving and easy-going, at least as per their original portrayal. I've also seen sneak-peaks of Leon and D from author notes of the next volume so I can't wait at the chance to weep at the slightest panel of my son Leon.

A final shoutout to RNS for continuing the PSOH translations! I really can't thank them enough!!

[discotreque]

Disco 3.08: The Sanctuary

This week IRL was a real mixed bag for me: a lot of messy and barely-manageable anxiety about my health, my day job, and uhhhh *gestures outside*—but also I’ve recently fallen in love (from a responsible social distance)—so it’s been equal parts re-writing professional emails to edit the panic attack out of my tone and gazing dreamily at Discord notifications with cartoon hearts in my eyes. It feels like my life is going to hell in the cutest, coziest handbasket—which is to say that Michael Burnham could not possibly feel like a more relatable character to me right now.

I continue to have issues with the writing at a strange medium-level—somewhere between micro, where the dialogue and characters are really good, and macro, where I’m digging the pace of the overall season, it almost feels like something went wrong in the assembly process, and the script ended up a little bit less than the sum of its perfectly good parts. Again.

But that’s such vague criticism as to be nearly meaningless, and it’s hardly the most interesting level to spend time on anyway. If I zoom out, the parallel season arcs of “getting used to the future” and “the mystery of the Burn” are hanging together wayyyyy better than the Red Angel saga did last year.

And if I zoom in? This episode was funny as shit, wtf.

The discourse re: Tilly these past couple of weeks has been bullshit, and I have a whole angry thing to say about it—but honestly, if you can’t appreciate Doug Jones and Mary Wiseman as a comedic duo, I’m not really mad: mostly I pity the lack of joy in your heart.

Everyone on this show is so funny. Doug’s prissy little delivery absolutely slaughters me (“Execute!...?”), Mary will make a face sometimes that has me screaming laughter into my hands, and I’ve gone on before—and will again—about Sonequa Martin-Green’s egregiously underrated comedy chops.

They were obviously casting for folks w/ jokes in the new season too: David Ajada is no slouch in the dry-delivery or the goofy-face department; his energy and chemistry with Sonequa are as suited to comedy as they are to romance (i.e. extremely 🥵). Anthony Rapp and Wilson Cruz we knew about, but Blu del Barrio—a certified tiny baby!!!—holds their own and lands every smartass whiz-kid one-liner just on the right side of “too precious to stand.” (I almost always at least chuckle, and never roll my eyes, and for a “teen genius” character that’s literally as good as it gets.) And living legend Michelle Yeoh is clearly having the time of her life, omfg.

Disco’s not funny-funny like Lower Decks, but they do funny-on-purpose better than any live-action Trek except maybe DS9. They have such a deep comedic bench they don’t even need Tig Notaro—they have her on just to flex, I presume.

(I don’t know if I’m predicting, per se, that Strange New Worlds—with Rebecca Romjin’s deadpan, Anson Mount’s twinkly eyes, and Ethan Peck’s twinkly-eyed deadpan—is going to have a tone somewhere between Disco S3 and LwD—but I mean... it kinda has to, right? And you know they kept the number for Rainn Wilson’s agent.)

***

At the start of this episode, I was “sure, why the fuck not” about First Officer Tilly; by the end, I was completely on board. And to everyone who’s still wringing their hands about “the real military” this (always from people who have no idea how actual militaries work, lol) and “Lt. Nilsson” that (she... already has a job on the ship? And no character traits besides “stoic” and “furrows brow”? Oh, I get it—she’s skinny and blonde)—y’all are kind of embarrassing me.

“Rank” and “position” (and “seniority” and “day-to-day duties”...) aren’t the same thing, in Star Trek or any IRL military. Yes, the permanent first officers of normal-duty Starfleet ships we’ve seen have usually been command-division officers with the rank of Commander—but not always. Star Trek: Discovery-A, if you will, is a unique show about a unique ship in a unique situation: “B-b-but that’s not how they do it on Star Trek!!!” isn’t a legitimate criticism, not of this—it’s the mournful cry of an entitled pissbaby who isn’t having their hand held all the way to the fireworks factory.

Here’s what an argument supported by the text of the first 37 episodes of Star Trek: Discovery actually looks like: Sylvia Tilly is nervous and lacks self-confidence, but once she gets over herself—which she can do pretty much instantly in a crisis, even when hilariously intoxicated—she is competent as hell. In lower-stakes situations, without intense pressure to focus her attention, she sometimes gets sidetracked by her own insecurities; at her best, she channels that anxious energy into ambition, drive, and being scrupulously organized.

The only person Tilly doesn’t always get along with is Stamets, and even Stamets’s husband thinks he’s an asshole. Since Season 1, we’ve seen her easily socializing with the rest of the crew, who seem to universally adore her. And she’s also happy to leave her social comfort zone at a moment’s notice: she aligned herself with Ash Tyler (miss you, Shazad!) when no one else would, and she instantly befriended Po even when Po was in Weird Feral Alien Princess mode and Tilly had salad in her hair. She doesn’t like confrontation, but she’s brave enough to initiate it anyway if she needs to, and she’s compassionate with other people’s feelings while still setting firm boundaries. (Her graceful dodge of Rhys’s tipsy kiss at the party in 1.07 lives rent-free in my head to this day.)

No, Tilly didn’t finish the Command Training Program—but she started it, which is almost certainly more command training than any of the lieutenants whose names we know, all of whom are Ops or Science personnel with, presumably, specialized non-command training of their own. The same could be assumed for any unseen ranking officers on this science ship with an entirely volunteer skeleton crew.

And seriously, about Nilsson: she’s my #3 background bae after Octopus Head and the lady on Pike’s Enterprise with the spiky red face, but her job is Spore Drive Ops, not personnel. If she’s running after Saru with a holo-clipboard, who’s going to look serious and push holo-buttons when there’s a Black Alert? *drops holo-mic* Drumhead!

***

The stuff on Kwejian, though. Ooof. Ol’ Two-Takes Frakes directed this one, and between the kinetic energy he always adds to the camera and the scintillating performances he evokes, things stayed moving so briskly I almost didn’t notice Book’s entire “homeworld” was a rental house outside Vancouver, a couple acres of adjacent woods, and like six or seven people.

It’s a hot mess in retrospect, but in the moment it gave us the intensity of Book and Kyheem trying to hurt each other’s feelings by poking at 15-year-old wounds, which as a sibling with complicated sibling relationships I found both funny and devastating—not to mention Frakes directing “shaky bridge” explosion falls at an obvious intensity of “10” on an outdoor location shoot. It falls apart at the slightest scrutiny, but I can’t lie, on first viewing I was totally along for the ride.

***

I’m dying to see where this Georgiou thing goes. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to assume she got Cronenberg’d a couple weeks ago, probably to get her under the thumb of this century’s Section 31, and that her arc is going to take Michelle Yeoh off this show in a way that sets up the S31 show. But also, I don’t care so much whether I’m right, I just want to watch Michelle Yeoh—and Sonequa Martin-Green, and also David Cronenberg tbh, and bring back Shazad Latif while you’re at it—get wherever they’re going.

It’s also a fun and interesting direction to take the comically-evil comic relief character and show that her performative moustache-twirling is partly habit and partly a transparent emotional defence against very real fear and vulnerability. We’re all products of our circumstances, and a radical enough change in circumstances can afford almost anyone at least the opportunity to change. I can’t say Emperor Georgiou would have been my first choice of protagonist for that storyline, but it’s not like Michelle Yeoh’s not going to fuckin’ crush it.

***

Miscellany:

So the Burn had an origin point, and now that point is broadcasting a signal that’s somehow both a haunting melody that everyone seems to know—but no one can remember learning—and a Federation distress signal. What the fuck, y’all. I have full-body goosebumps just typing that.

Saru workshopping his own captainly catchphrase with the aid of Tilly’s extreme sincerity and organizational skills is probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened on this show—followed closely by the uncomfortably lingering reaction shots when he’s trying them out on the bridge 😂 (And omg please give Rhys and Bryce the dumbass buddy-comedy C-plots they deserve next season, I beg you.)

I would do a little “prop watch” entry on those Kwejianian(?) bolt-throwing rifles, but I’d have to stop drooling over them first. “Curvy polished hardwood” seems to be New Trek shorthand for “extra sleek and futuristic” (cf. the bridge of the USS Titan in the LwD finale), and I have to say: I am fully into it.

Restating my prediction that we will not see Detmer and Owosekun get together this season, because we will find out that they’ve been together for ages. Everyone knew—Pike even knew!—it just never came up in front of the audience before. That would be one of the cutest ways to do it imho, and one of the funniest too, especially as a meta-joke about how much character development didn’t happen in the first two seasons. (That said, if we get to see their first kiss, I will be screaming with incoherent joy for days, so this is a real win-win for me.)

Speaking of cute: IRL spouses Mary Wiseman and Noah Averbach-Katz, both Julliard-trained actors (it’s where they met!), can’t quite hide their chemistry in the scenes between Tilly and Ryn. I loved seeing Tilly be a hardass when Ryn was rude to the captain, but that sparkle in her eyes didn’t quite match the context <3

And speaking of people who are VERY OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE: that last scene with Book and Michael, and his nervous little “yeah, I said it” eyebrow lift, and her irrepressible giggle as she’s walking away... it was almost too much. Especially right after the queer-family scenes with Stamets and Culber and Adira. My poor heart is going through a lot lately, and I guess I’m just glad Season 3’s emotional intensity is melting it with soft sweet scenes like that instead of kicking it down repeated flights of stairs like Season 1.

***

Next week: everyone stops caring about the Burn and starts trying to solve an even more important mystery—why is this (holographic) dude wearing an early-2360s uniform with an early-2370s combadge?

[simtrospective]

SCRAPPED STORY CHALLENGE by @bugsims

01. Post a few screenshots from a scrapped scene / edit / story! 02. Share why you scrapped this specific thing. 03. Tag five friends, and watch the fun play out!

Thank you to @gilded-ghosts for the tag.

Because I wrote so much that you might prefer to skip, let me do 03. outside the cut. I tag...

@ladykendalsims - @jet-plane-sims - @boogey-studios - @pinkmonsimblr - @dynastiasimss

The above pictures (plus the related tray files) are all I have left of an idea that was half-formed to begin with and which never got off the ground at all.

01.

Depending on if you’re a follower of mine + how long you’ve been following me, you may have seen a few of these shots before but I’ll explain them anyway:

Set 1: The characters Charlie, Hick, and Craig, in their original states on the left and their enhanced, final states on the right;

Set 2: A few WIP pictures of the performance space/club/thing I built;

Set 3: A bunch of test shots I took to see how the characters looked interacting, what they did naturally, and how they looked when I ~directed them. I used these pics to try and find my editing style for the story. I didn’t find the style I wanted. Clearly.

02.

I scrapped this idea because it never came together; I didn’t connect with the characters; I didn’t care about the storyline; I’m not done with my new save so I couldn’t ~comfortably start telling this story when the rest of the world was/is disordered; and on and on. The point is, I wasn’t feeling any of this. Oh! And I hate the whole vibe and time period and aesthetic irl; what on earth was I thinking writing about it?!

So. What was this going to be?

[[Under the cut because this is... so, so long. So long.]]

Charlie, Hick, and Craig were

going

to live in Del Sol Valley in my new save, in the Pinnacles neighborhood, which I was

going

to turn into a Laurel Canyon-style neighborhood. An entire community of would-be songwriters/musicians were

going

to live in the two smaller lots and commune with one another and be the New Guard colliding with the Old Guard; the huge mansion lot was

going

to house an aging former film-current soap actor confronting his mortality and also hating the living shit out of these hippies whose existence he took as a personal affront--I digress. Back to the “story.”

Charlie, Hick, and Craig met after each arrived in DSV separately and they vibed and they moved in together, all in a matter of, like, a week’s time. Charlie and Hick vibed especially. So much in common! Such poor little rich [kids]! Both came from pampered environments in which their family money and respective fathers’ connections allowed them to skate through life and to play at being musicians because--despite crying oppression at the hands of upper class WASP-dom--they'll always have safety nets to ensure they’ll always be okay. Charlotte Grant graduated from her all-girls prep school and put on a floppy hat and became Charlie Grant; Richard Hickey (lololol) ripped up his acceptance letter to Britechester and grew his hair out and hitchhiked and told people to call him “Hick.” They’ve lived parallel lives and “recognize” one another as soon as they meet. They have an electric connection, but neither will verbalize that. Above all, they... really want to sleep together.

Craig grew up working class and has no safety net; he just wants a little adventure before he gets a real job/grows up/gets married (his gf back home is off to college; they’re long-distance; it’s... not going to work). He’s a good guitar player and he’s a good songwriter and that’s it but maybe it’ll be more? What do they say about the lottery? Can’t win if you don’t play? Charlie and Hick want to be famous ~rule the world. Hick plays guitar well and tries to write songs but they’re shitty. Charlie is passively learning the keyboard and writes songs that are not... bad...? Some are... good?

Charlie and Hick--can you tell they eclipse Craig, yet?--have weird sexual chemistry and tension: they tease, they flirt, they taunt, they enjoy one another’s attention but they never so much as hug. They both have cruel streaks as only disconnected, spoiled, emotionally stunted bluebloods can: the torture of their relationship/non-relationship gets them off more than anything else could and that thrill drives much of their behaviors: bringing wanton strangers home for one night stands, each hoping the other is watching/overhearing, fighting about little things, acting like inappropriately close siblings, acting like strangers. Craig suffers their whims; Charlie and Hick aren’t just united in their toxicity and their dreams of fame, but in how they make Craig into a third wheel or a--well, punching bag is too strong a term. Charlie and Hick think they’re teasing their bff but you know how it is to be teased allllll the tiiiiiiime and how it can make your head spin when people who can’t get along with one another join forces--without even having to discuss it--to turn on you. Their relationship gets patched up, you’re hurting, they insist it’s not a big deal and even that you even liked it. We’re all friends. We’re all best friends omg.

But sometimes they have fun together. They have a lot of fun together. Sometimes it all is everything each dreamed it would be. DSV is a wonderland and their careers are happening and life is happening and they’re best friends. They’re soulmates for life.

The three work on music, perform at clubs. Craig is starting to come into his own as a man. I hate the term coming-of-age but in the background of the Charlie & Hick Show, Craig is maturing. He has to, because C&H are fuck-ups. They jeopardize scheduled performances. They don’t know how to talk to club owners. They’re not interested in paying their dues. They are unable (or unwilling) to promote themselves without being obnoxious attention whores. They don’t practice or help write songs. They don’t take care of the house. Hick is late with his rent. Charlie thinks she can flirt her way out of everything. Craig is also the only one of them who works; he has a day job at a print shop, gives guitar lessons on the side, and makes sure the three get gigs and don’t get evicted. The only thing C&H put consistent effort toward is making the social scene or finding a party or scoring drugs or getting laid. As the group’s local star(s) rise, their fates start to change course which increases the interpersonal tension. Hick’s fun-loving nature is starting to turn into a legit substance abuse problem and he’s picking fights with the wrong people and socially devolving, his arrogance and issues and general laziness rendering him unable to relate to others; Charlie is getting a lot of attention from older men In the Business, who have the money and connections to make her a solo star, which she is shrewdly considering; and Craig’s resentment toward his “friends” and disillusionment with the superficiality of DSV is making him rethink his motivation for coming west in the first place.

Oh, and Charlie and Hick--again, as their paths change and as their weird tension remains unresolved--continue to take their bullshit out on Craig and now it’s not funny anymore, it’s not cute, it’s not exciting, and neither is it when Hick ruins a show by being too stoned to perform and neither is it when Charlie brings unsavory characters home who trash the three’s equipment and neither is it when C&H steal Craig’s songs and perform without him at a gig they didn’t tell him about.

What I intended was that the story would at first seem to be The Charlie and Hick Show, all about them, as if we’re supposed to root for them, but ideally, through my ~deft hand 🙄 the reader 🙄🙄 was supposed to be like, Um... hold on-- until it eventually was quite obvious that these two--though human; though in situations we could understand and empathize with--were captured at a point in their lives when they were Super Toxic Assholes, and what you were watching all along was Craig as Hero.

So I had ideas, but I didn’t know how to fit them together and I didn’t want a really long story and I couldn’t--I just couldn’t figure it out. I do know that the end was going to be Craig screwing them like they’d been screwing him, a final middle finger with consequences. I know that he and Hick were going to have words and Hick was going to try and fight him (such a loser) and Charlie was going to throw a Hail Mary of like... trying to seduce (lol) Craig into staying omg I always had a thing for you/we’d be such a great team/I always thought we could ~be something ~together uwu bullshit like that. Was this true? Was this true in her own mind? I think I was going to set the story up so that if you reread, yeah, it could be true, but she’s so flirty and manipulative and socially savvy and used to getting what she wants that who knows what her real feelings ever are? Ultimately that would’ve been irrelevant bc Craig never looked at her that way and hates her and Hick now; good going guys. It’s worth noting, I guess, that when I put the group on a test lot, Charlie was super into Craig immediately, went right to him, stood close to him, was eager to make romantic overtures; she went 0 to 60 in an instant and as so far as is possible in this game they had chemistry, but Craig was not feeling the romance. And no one was feeling Hick.

Anyway, Craig was going to move on with his life and Charlie and Hick were going to learn nothing and blame him, ~the end.

And then, as I continued to play my save and maybe tell more stories, there would be Easter eggs, references to Charlie, Hick, and Craig older/in the future and where they went in life in the background of other, unrelated stories: Hick’s substance abuse problems and rehab stints and going by Richard again and his eventual moderate fame and eventual sobriety and attempted comeback and his bad relationships with his exes and children; Charlie’s legit fame + marriage to a producer + eventual fade away + moderate comeback + solid second or third marriage and bff relationship with her children 🙄🙄🙄 and her palatial house on the coast and now she exclusively wears white and ivory and pampers her dogs and eats raw (but drinks wine) because it “cured” her undiagnosed, unnamed “autoimmune disorder,” which she wrote a book about resulting in a semi-comeback but as a Famous Person and not a musician. Craig going to college and becoming a high school English teacher who plays in a local band on the weekends and who has a good marriage (not to the long distance gf) and nice kids, one of whom would eventually have her own story where she pursued musicianship with her dad, which got him back into his first passion but it was a qt father-daughter project and not An Attempt to Be Famous.

So. Idk. That’s what this all would’ve been. But it wasn’t, and it won’t be!

[palmtreepalmtree]

Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer.  So after a short pause, here is another edition of

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Heavy sigh.

Alright.  Let’s talk about this one.  

First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.  

Now back to the bullshit.

This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.  

SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)

The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit.  He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob. 

As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year.  The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc.  All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.

OH NO!  WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?  

HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?

I BETTER THINK IT OVER.

*eyeroll*

He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts.  ...like I said.  He’s a fuckwit.

So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia.  There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town.  Seems like a pretty good gig.  Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.  

Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him.  He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.”  Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect.  Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.

The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer.  They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.”  There’s no explanation for this.

Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested.  Even though the priest got up and walked away.  All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot.  Like why is this happening.  Why?  

Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible).  People in his family have a gift.  Every other generation, someone is chosen.  And they have the gift of healing.  Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.

The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah).  The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide.  They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing.  Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision.  WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE?  WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1

I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?  

*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!

*squints*

Annnnnnyhow.  Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes.  HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO!  Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs.  And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself.  No, fuck it.  He’s going to go home.

The town takes it pretty well, all things considered.  The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude.  They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay.  Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing.  INSANE.

It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.  

IN COMES ABIGAIL.  Cancer kid extraordinaire.  She is 14 years old.  Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec.  Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot.  But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid.  She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope.  She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.

And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story.  Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift?  Will he regret it?  WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?

SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)

It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer.  And they were incredibly close.  In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.”  But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift.  Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.

You know what, man?  Same.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?

Listen.  Listen, listen.  I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift.  I mean, what the fuck.  Death sucks.  Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks.  Especially when it feels even remotely too soon.  And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT.  It sucks.  

So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with.  Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts!  So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.

Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!

It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending.  The music swells where it should.  The romance is consummated.  Abigail is healed.  All is going to be well with the world.

As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices.  First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong.  “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before.  And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?  

And last, the writing is just weird in places.  Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film?  Why?  It’s not a good joke!  And  It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen.  If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him?  Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!?  That’s just bad writing.  What the fuck is that?

But whatever.  

On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor.  He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him.  When he talks about his brother, I felt that.  And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.

But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more.  Cause...

..........that’s not where the movie ends.  Not entirely.

As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids.  And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.  

And that’s where this critique stops.  Sorta.  Paul Newman was a legitimately good person.  And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.

But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist.  But easing the suffering of others does.  I wish this movie had been about that.  I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced.  But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.

In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20.  Her obituary still appears online.  And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film.  And they talk about how the movie touched them.

On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here.  It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy.  This movie does its job.  It touches people.  And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.

Ronald McDonald House Charities Cancer Research Institute Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org) Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)

[deathsteel]

30 day fanfic challenge

Prompt #22 - Funeral

TW: canonical child death, not as sad as it seems, Dean is kinda a jerk at first

Okay, maybe it wasn’t classy to crash funerals. But Dean had never claimed to be terribly classy. 

What he did claim to be was a great actor who could make himself cry on demand and the proud owner of one very well fitted suit that was perfect for mourning. 

It started by accident, really. Dean had shown up for the funeral of one of his friend’s grandmother’s cousins intending to comfort the grandmother who’d always loved Dean and never forgotten his birthday, not even once. And he had ended up at an unexpectedly decadent funeral for a 98 year old multi-millionaire that happened to be being thrown the day after. Since he’d missed the funeral he’d intended to attend, Dean figured ‘fuck it’ and proceeded to enjoy the expensive free food and murmured condolences of the deceased’s foxy granddaughters. 

The second time he did it may have been less accidental and Dean cried both for Muriel who had died at the ripe old age of 102 as well as for the organic chemistry test he had just bombed. It was so cathartic that he was hooked, a junky even. 

He stopped going on dates because flirting with the widow or widower and coaxing a smile out of them was so much more appealing than sitting through the awkward get-to-know-you conversation of a first date. The emotional release of crying onto a stranger’s shoulder had nothing on getting blackout drunk and Dean found more and more of his social life being spent in funeral homes and cemeteries than in bars. 

Until he accidentally walked into a funeral without doing his research first. Which, typically he did so much research so that he could pull off pretending to be the second cousin once removed or the mentee that the family never knew their loved one had mentored, but today he’d been busy and distraught over getting a rejection letter to his first choice for his doctoral program so he’d just picked out a funeral from a random obit and darted out the door. 

So he wasn’t expecting...this. A funeral for a kid. 

Dean had never gone to a funeral for a kid, something about the grief of a life snuffed out too soon had seemed too raw for Dean to be able to fake. It had felt much more disrespectful to crash those funerals than the ones for people who had lived a long and full and fascinating life. 

It also seemed pretty evident to everyone else in attendance that Dean was in the wrong place. First, he was waaaay over dressed. Everyone else was wearing colorful clothing ranging from Hawaiian shirts to garish tye-dye and Dean’s black on black ensemble stuck out like a sore thumb. Secondly, Dean appeared to be the only one affecting an air of solemnity. In fact, the entire funeral home had been decked out to resemble a circus complete with juggling clowns and a guy making balloon animals. There was popcorn and a cotton candy machine and even a girl in a Hawaiian shirt carrying around a pair of parrots on her shoulders. 

Dean intended to turn on his heel and march right back out, but it looked like some family member was already making their way towards Dean- a tall woman with short brown hair and a face that looked like it was meant to smile, which it was even if her eyes were not.

“Hello there,” The woman said, reaching out to take Dean’s hand and hold it in both of her own. “Thank you so much for coming, I don’t think we got to meet ever. My husband spent the nights at the hospital, so I don’t recognize all of the nurses. I’m Jody, Owen’s mom, thank you for coming.”

“Um, yea, Dean,” he muttered in reply, giving his real name when he never EVER usually did. But he was so caught off guard he didn’t know what else to do.

“I’m sorry about the change in dress code,” Jody said with a laugh, gesturing to the long rainbow plaid dress she was wearing. “Sean said Owen would’ve liked it. He didn’t like for things to be boring, you know?”

Dean nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat as he mentally planned his escape. He was an asshole and this was it, this was the last time he crashed without doing his research first. 

“Well, anyway,” Jody continued, looking over Dean’s shoulder as another few mourners milled into the room. “Please enjoy yourself and have fun.” 

Dean breathed a sigh of relief as the woman moved away, running a hand through his hair as he looked around the room. He’d hang for ten minutes and then duck out so it wouldn’t look so suspicious. 

“You don’t work for the hospital,” A deep voice announced next to Dean causing him to jump and spin guiltily towards the source. 

He found himself face to face with the guy who had been making balloon animals not even five minutes ago. A distant part registered that the man was attractive, like truly unf, but a more sane part of Dean realized that he was about to have his cover blown by a hot dude wearing rainbow suspenders. 

“Uh, yea I do?” Dean asked, trying to convince even himself. 

“No you don’t,” the man said, narrowing his blue eyes at Dean in suspicion. “Because I work at the hospital and I know everyone who ever set foot into Owen Mill’s room and you do not work at the hospital. 

Fuck. 

Dean weighed his options for a long moment before deciding he was well and truly powned. “Listen, dude. I didn’t realize this was a funeral for a kid okay. I don’t normally do this kind of thing. I’m gonna leave, just don’t make a scene okay?” 

“Right,” the other man said slowly, his eyes and voice conveying how very little he bought Dean’s bullshit. “Take that jacket off and give it here. Make sure your phone and stuff are in your jacket.”

“Uh...excuse me?” Dean asked as he reached for the buttons on his suit jacket, loading his keys, wallet, and phone into the pockets before he handed it over to the other man and allowed himself to be led deeper into the room where the funeral was being held. 

“Our nurse who signed up for the dunk tank is sick,” the balloon guy explained, stopping beside a large dunk tank that was situated on a blue tarp in one corner of the room; he patted the tank meaningfully before turning back towards Dean. “You man the dunk tank and I won’t rat you out.”

“What!?” Dean choked, looking at the slightly murky water and then back down at his fairly expensive suit. 

The other man just raised an eyebrow at Dean and stayed silent, his full lips pursing just slightly to hold back what Dean strongly suspected was a triumphant smirk. 

“Ugh okay,” Dean groaned, throwing up his hands as he made his way towards the dunk tank’s ladder and toed off his shoes. “For the kids.”

“Always for the kids,” the other man agreed, moving to the side of the tank where the bullseye was and taking up his role of barker with what Dean felt like was too much enthusiasm. “Dunk the Dummy! Step right up and Dunk the Chump!”

Quiet a few dunks later, Dean was soaked and shivering and vowing that he would never crash another funeral when the other man came back up to him with an apologetic grin and a towel. 

“Thanks,” Dean muttered sarcastically as he took the towel and wrapped it around himself. 

“Maybe you won’t crash any more funerals,” Balloon guy admonished only slightly apologetically. “Seriously, I clocked you as soon as you walked in. And you’re lucky it was me instead of a pissed off parent.”

“You go to a lot of funerals?” Dean asked as he roughed the towel over his dripping hair. 

“Call it a work related hazard,” the other man replied with a grim smile. “But hey, it gave me a reason to learn balloon art and it makes the kids happy when most of the kids I see don’t have much to be happy about.”

Dean nodded in understanding, figuring he’d shove his whole leg in his mouth since his foot had already seemed to take up permanent residence there. “So uh...how did you know this kid anyway?”

“I was his oncologist,” the other man replied evenly, nodding at Dean’s self-recriminating wince. “So yea, man--”

“Dean,” he offered, cutting across the other man because it felt like he owed it to the doctor by that point. 

“Dean,” the man said, with an incline of his head. “I’m Castiel. Just uh, do me a favor. Stop crashing funerals okay? It's pretty damn disrespectful.”

“Absolutely,” Dean promised, crossing his heart with the tip of his index finger. “I’m a changed man, I promise.”

“Great,” Castiel replied, rolling his eyes indulgently. “Have a good day Dean, thanks for coming.”

Dean nodded, handing the other man back the soggy towel in exchange for his jacket and his shoes that he picked up instead of putting them on over his dripping socks. 

“But hey, Dean,” Castiel called as Dean started away. “If you ever want to take another turn at the dunk tank, you can look me up at St. Mary’s.”

“Right,” Dean said with a nod at the other man, turning to leave again before Castiel could see his blush. 

His funeral crashing days were most definitely over, but maybe his tank dunking days had just begun.

[jensenknowsdeanbetterthanyou]

My previous post here addresses how Dean has been written as the caretaker of Sam and sometimes blamed (by the writers) for not being responsible enough towards his younger brother when he’s only four years older. Or how the general lack of age difference is not properly addressed, which means either the writers genuinely think it’s healthy and normal for a person who is only four years older than their sibling to have that level of responsibility and don’t think Dean being pushed into that role was abuse, or they know it’s fucked up but choose to force the caretaker!Dean issue anyway and ignore its implications. 

The (good) writers did actually address it in the early seasons, through flashbacks of their childhood where we see a very young looking child!Dean with a shotgun, left by John alone with an even younger Sam, and when adult!Dean blames himself for not protecting Sam all those years ago, he has now older Sam beside him saying it wasn’t his fault. We see the horrifying truth of their childhood.

Then, for some reason, (possibly inferior writers replacing the old good ones) as the seasons progressed, Dean’s caretaker roles started to become more romanticized. Even in episodes like Bad Boys, when Dean chose to go back to his family, putting Sam above his own happiness, it’s painted in a romantic light. And then we got Just My Imagination, which had the audacity to paint child!Dean in a bad light because he wasn’t taking care of Sam enough when they were both children!! (The only thing I took from that episode was that not only did Sam have Dean to take care of him, and John constantly worrying about him, putting Sam first ahead of Dean, he also had an imaginary friend whereas Dean had no one. And yet this was supposed to be Sam’s tragic childhood story.)

Whenever we get a situation where Dean is overly protective towards Sam, the lack of age difference seems to be this unaddressed elephant in the room. 

And when the writers chose to ignore the elephant, they’re trying to force the audience to do the same...and that’s why we’ve got their bullshit casting choices in the later seasons. 

Because they’re trying really hard to force the idea that Dean is Sam’s caretaker, that’s just the way it is and we should not be questioning it. 

I made some points about the casting of child!Dean and child!Sam the other day on twitter and feel like this needs to be repeated. 

Just copying and pasting because my brain is mush.

copied from my twitter account: 

“I swear the reason why they keep casting actors who look nothing like bb!Jensen for young Dean is because an actual lookalike would not fit the writer's (wrong) narrative. 

Young Jensen had big eyes and an angelic face, so a kid who actually looked like him would be too "soft" looking when they want young!Dean to be "tough" - no only young!Sam! is allowed to be soft, he's the one we're supposed to sympathise with and was apparently the only brother to have a terrible childhood. 

Look at the victim-blaming Just My Imagination, they actually cast a kid who looked more like YOUNG!JENSEN with big doe eyes to play YOUNG!SAM!! That kid looked NOTHING like young!Jared/Sam but that didn't matter...the whole episode was a "poor Sam/mean Dean" bullshit fest and to ram it home they deliberately cast this cherubic child to play young!Sam so we would sympathise with him more, meanwhile, Dean is now being written as this "tough bad boy" so again they cast to suit. 

The last kid was great acting-wise, but he looked nothing like Jensen, it's blatant that the writers/producers/casting people are denying Jensen's and therefore Dean's angelic looks when he was a child because they don't want us to look at young!Dean and go  Not Dabb and co anyway. This is probably why they keep casting child actors who are far older (teens and even twentysomethings) to play young!Dean and yet cast much younger child actors to play Sam to enhance the age difference. 

We get it, Dean was never a child....except he was, he was a sweet, angelic-looking child (had to be if he had Jensen's face) who was soft and scared inside, as much as any child would be under the circumstances he grew up in, and he had to be strong and brave, he had to look after Sam, he followed John and his orders because that was the only way he could get his Dad to be close to him. He was fighting monsters while still a baby. 

But the writers these days only care about Sam's childhood not Dean's. They now write young!Dean as just an extension of John, or as a "bad boy" who was irresponsible and wasn't there enough for Sam. Even when they created Bad Boys, the last real sympathetic look at young!Dean, they still enhanced the age difference by making Sam look about 6 years old, when he was supposed to be 12 because Dean was 16. 

It's obvious bias, the writers are denying Dean's traumatic childhood, they're denying that he was as much of a victim of his upbringing as Sam was, if not more because while Sam had Dean...who did Dean have?”

These are the casting choices from s4 onwards. I’d be interested to know if the episode writers have any say in this because the first one After School Special was written by Andrew Dabb (and his treatment of young Sam and Dean in this particular episode is a whole other discussion). 

Anyone who says you don't judge a person by looks is missing the point. TV is a visual medium, it's visual storytelling and this....

Dean aged 12-14? (Just My Imagination)

Sam aged 8-10?

...this...

Dean aged 16 (Bad Boys) 

Sam aged 12

and this...

Dean aged 17 and Sam aged 14!!! (After School Special) 

tells a very different story than the reality which would have been something like this.....

Yeah, no agenda there at all. 

[sirspud]

A Vulgar First Impression of Coromon

Playing Pokémon games recently has been something akin to hiring a fairy princess to perform for your daughter’s birthday parties. The first few times she came around were fun, she made all the kids laugh and play their games, but now the princess has grown lazy, idly watching YouTube while disinterestedly mumbling the same four or five lines she’s been spouting for the past twenty-three years. But you keep hiring her regardless, even though your daughter’s trying to point out that she’s not into princesses anymore because she’s pushing 30, and you’re starting to think she might not be worth three hundred bucks a visit. And she’s starting to smell.

So as the Pokémon community sits and waits for the Diamond and Pearl remakes, because what is Pokémon if not a prolonged exercise in nostalgia bait, some indie developers have been trying their hand at doing Pokémon, but properly this time. First came along TemTem, which was, “Like Pokémon but online”, and now there’s Coromon, which is “Like Pokémon” and that’s it.

I’ll admit, I was attracted to Coromon not because of any underlying nostalgia or a want to replay Pokemon, but because the devs put out a free demo for the game, which is a rarity in this modern age of Early Access and delayed release dates. Intrigued, I decided to take a closer look, to see which warts they cut off and which ones they allowed to fester.

The game starts with our protagonist waking up in a small town with his mother about to go get his OR HER first Pokémon. So far, so standard. But where Coromon differs is that you aren’t some apple-cheeked youngster with a criminally neglectful parent, but a college kid who’s been selected for a prestigious university that studies Pokémon – sorry – “Coromon”. And incidentally, Pokémon scores the first point for having a name that actually means something. They’re monstrous creatures that can be caught in a ball and put in your pocket – “Pocket”-“Monsters”. What the fuck does Coromon mean? Because Coro only has a meaning if it’s in Italian, and I’m pretty sure these things aren’t meant to be called “Choir Monsters!”

Anyway, a dude in a wheelchair who was apparently the guy in charge gives you a magic glove and tells you about these glowing elemental orbs, which are important for some reason I wasn’t clear on, and he sends you out on a journey to collect more by finding six elemental titans and – as far as I understood the process – murdering them and stealing their essence in the name of science.

We choose our first Pokémon from a choice between the fire-type, the water-type or the… ice type? And then, we set out on our journey to fight trainers, make new friends, and shuffle about in the grass for an hour because your gobblefrog isn’t level sixty-two yet.

The first thing that struck me about Choirmon is that it really isn’t being coy with its desire to ape Pokémon. Everything, right down to the statistics of each monster, is identical to the way Pokémon does things. The types have the same names, evolving is still called evolving, it even gives you berries and other items for your monsters to hold. You can battle monsters in the wild, blundering into tall grass to scare them out of hiding and capturing them after beating them into a bloody pulp, or you can battle monsters owned by other trainers in unregulated dog fights. So it isn’t trying to be like Pokémon, it is Pokémon. It stabbed Pokémon in an alleyway, cut off its skin and is now swanning about performing a perverted Face/Off act.

Now, I love Pokémon just as much as the next guy, but I’m no deluded fanboy. Pokémon is not perfect. In fact, it’s a game with a lot of flaws. And in its desire to imitate, Collectamon inherits a lot of the same problems that Pokémon does. Using items, for example, takes up an entire turn, and while this can be forgiven in a party-based RPG, where you have other actors to make up for the guy losing a turn, you can only put out one monster at a time, and using anything other than a healing item in the thick of battle just makes you an open target.

Trying to think strategically is also a lost cause, because again, it’s fucking Pokémon. The only strategy is “use whatever the opponent is weak to” or “mash attack until one of you dies”. And while you could argue that Pokémon’s strong point is its simplicity, it does mean that winning a fight is more a matter of patience than a matter of skill.

At time of writing, I’ve been playing the demo for 7 hours. An impressive run-time for a demo, to be sure, and that’s only up to the first boss. Incidentally, it’s in that area that we meet the evil team of this game, because Pokémon had evil teams, and so must we! I don’t even understand their motivation, or who these people even are! They’re presented to us as if we already know what their deal is and why we should hate them. All I know about them is their name and the fact that they like to hang around in caves. Pitch-black ones that you navigate by wandering around aimlessly getting lost in the samey-looking environments.

Really, guys? You thought it’d be a good idea to preserve one of the shittiest areas in Pokémon? Actually, they follow it up with an even shittier level that plays like the gym leaders from the annoying puzzle gyms got together and tried to devise the most efficient backtracking machine, culminating in a game of Mastermind out of fucking nowhere.

Well, so far I’ve just been going on about how the game is the same as Pokémon. What’s different? Well, for a start, each monster has a well of stamina points that they spend to use their special abilities, limiting how many times you can use those moves before your monster has to have a little rest. So you have to weigh up whether or not you want to waste stamina using that really powerful move or whether you want to keep a steady pace with the weaker moves. Except, Pokémon already did that with each move having limited uses. So we haven’t gone anywhere. All we’ve done is paint the walls a different colour.

Erm… what else? Well, your character speaks for one thing, despite you being able to name them and customise them to your liking. I think we tried the talking player avatar thing back in Fallout 4, and it was just as unimmersive back then too. It means that you don’t really get to impose your own character on the avatar, because the avatar makes his OR HER own decisions without your input, accepting every single quest that gets handed to you without even flirting with a dialogue box because it means oh so much to them to help this random faceless NPC, whose unique name and appearance does nothing to make him feel any less forgettable.

…Ah, that’s something different. There’s a quest system. I’m not sure why. In an open world game, quest systems give the game a structure and a reason to explore the world. But, as we’ve established, Crackmon is Pokémon, and so progression is strictly linear. It’s hard to tell just how much it’ll impact the game, since it’s just a four-hour demo, but a quest system like this can easily turn into a to-do list of tedious tasks for rewards that you don’t need. One of the sidequests early on had me capture a pissweasel for some guy, only for the bloke’s mentor to smack him across the head and have him hand the pissweasel right back! This is the very definition of wasting my fucking time! The only reason I caught that pissweasel was for your quest, and I don’t want to deal with its incontinence issues!

Another way that Cloacamon tries to differentiate itself is though its Potential mechanic. Get this – whenever your pet cockcrab reaches a certain XP interval, you get to directly increase its stats by a total of 3 points, on top of the cockcrab’s normal stat increases, so you don’t have to muck around with effort values and breeding to optimise your stats. Each monster also has a “Potent” and “Perfect” form, with each form reaching these intervals sooner than the normal version of the cockcrab. So the game encourages you to abandon your monsters frequently, exchanging them for their shiny, better versions, which I would argue goes against the whole point of Pokémon. At its core, Pokémon is a game about going on a journey and creating a bond with your tag team of beasts, a bond which is impossible to form if you’re encouraged to chuck your friends in the bin the second you find their better, newer models.

I could go down my list of subtle differences, most of which are quality of life changes, like the ability to evolve mid-battle, or the ability to swap out different moves instead of permanently forgetting them, or the fact that you use HM moves yourself instead of teaching them to your Pokémon. But I’d rather finish this first impression by once again re-iterating that Cocaniumon is just Pokémon. It’s not writing any new rules, it’s not even reworking old ones, and it seems content to merely lie on its back and spin its wheels. And while you could argue that Pokémon’s formula doesn’t need to be changed, I would argue right back that not having the ambition to change has long been part of the fucking problem!

If all you want is more Pokémon but with less bullshit, then go ahead and give Coromon a try. Personally, I wasn’t motivated to continue playing past the first boss fight. Part of the problem was that I had no idea what I was ultimately working towards. Collect all the titan essences, so that we can research them! Research them for what? So we can finally uncover the mystery behind shitty Netflix sci-fi originals?

[muwitch]

Why the Fullbringer Arc is an important plot milestone - 2

the continuation of this post and I’m bak on my bullshit~ remember my brain will jump to things

also CFYOW spoilers

so part 2/?

key figures and themes of the arc

So last time I said that ppl disliked the majority of new characters because, as opposing to the ones we grew familiar with, the arc was differently paced and so we didn’t have time at large to form some sort of solid connection to them.

And here the magic happens, because we do not have time to get attached to the characters and they seem to be faded against the background of all the others.

But apart from COMPARISON Fullbringers are quite an independent unit that focuses not on how much reiatsu you have, but on skill

In the Can't fear your own world novel the origin of Fullbringer power is revealed and it’s shown how actually universally badass those powers are, take Tsukishima for example, who grows a tree in a second to ward off lightning, simply adding himself to the past. Atomic.

For living people even just getting close to the level of those with whom they fought (three captains and three leutenants) and not dying in the first moment (except u Giriko) is a great achievement. For people who are not Ichigo Kurosaki with a family tree rivaling GoT of course. 

There is another important motive associated with fullbringers, which I mentioned above, and this is LONELINESS. And it's served so brilliantly that I'm going to die now.

If you look and read carefully, it becomes clear that even the fullbringers gathered together are unusually, exasperately lonely. (See the cover? They reach out but never do truly connect) This is the curse of their power. This is their main weakness. This is their unusual humanity and kinship with the Hollows.

This is also why, but that’s my guess, their whole presentation is very lacking, to show how they fall out of everyday life and proper sozialising, so even we, as readers, cannot properly connect to them. Same reach out, but not hold symbolism. Or I am giving too much credit, we just don’t know?

Even the one who has assembled the whole group, Ginjo, is an even lonelier person who has terrible trust issues, who survived betrayal and persecution, and everything that he once believed in was set upside down. And even knowing what kind of person he is, fullbringers, driven by loneliness, followed him. (Though, we must admit, he weilds his words well and rolls +20 on persuation)

Because, although for a short time, he helped them to bear the burden of this loneliness.

Needless to say, the entire initial situation with OG fullbringers happened not only bc of some noble meddling, but also due to the fact that Ginjo gathered people to TAKE POWER FROM THEM SO THEY COULD LIVE A NORMAL LIFE

Ironically enough, each Fullbringer posesses a piece of SOUL KING, which is the source of their power and lures Hollows to pregnant mothers, which is such an important piece of information it makes me mad it was only explained in CFYOW. 

Although it is understandable why Kubo chose not to focus on it during the arc. My take is he planned to show the importance of Fullbringers and their origins during TYBW, but we all know it didn’t happen.

Another common theme that follows from the previous two is PTSD, which unites the characters and key figures of the arc, and the paths of experiencing trauma constitute another conflict, where Ichigo overcomes it through friends and the return of strength and motivation, as opposed to Ginjo, who choses destuctive way to handle his own trauma.

In short flashbacks shown during “Pray for Predators” chapters, we can also clearly see PSTD practically in every person’s past. Each of Fullbringers go about it differenly, most proactive being probably Riruka and most reactive being Tsukishima and Ginjo. Which is also symbolically shown that people, who can go own with their lives and finally integrate into society stay alive. Those, who cannot, go to SS and are set into new path by more drastic measures.

I will surely attribute to the pluses how Kubo shows Ichigo's PTSD, literally in 3-4 chapters showing how he cannot, like Remarque's hero, settle in peacetime, because he constantly catches triggers, for example with his substitute badge.

Through Ichigo’s thoughts is shown how he merged with his position as a substitute shinigami and constantly thinks in categories that are not very applicable to his normal life, which he seemed to have dreamed of for 16 years And now he actually got it, but absolutely does not know what to do with it.

Kubo skillfully fuels PTSD and Ichigo's anxiety which is why he is being swayed by Ginjo's words correctly spoken at the right time.

 Example: Karin speaks of his brother, they say he always fought to protect  Ginjo fuels Ichigo’s doubt , saying he must act to protect his family

Accordingly, the theme approaches the climax for a push into the plot at the time of the attack on Ishida, Ichigo gets a punch in the gut twice: first from Ishida himself, who, with his unwillingness to tell things, pokes Ichigo into his helplessness and excludes him from the circle of trust, which IS the last blow 

And then from Ishida's father, who by his behavior shows that Ichigo's efficiency now amounts to zero, so much so that he cannot even protect Orihime while she walks home, which is why he runs away in frustrated feelings, realizing the message. So this intro is absolutely veritable and ingenious.

And so that you understand how desperate Ichigo is, if not yet, then here is a panel where FATTEST visual forshadowing happens. And here is an absolutely genius moment to understand that Ichigo is not a child but a teenager with all that it implies

He may be battle-hardened, but this is a 17-year-old living boy with trust issues, and if we remember that through his manager's lips we are given a direct hint that Ichigo is still immature in a way, so the meaning of this arc as a stage of Ishigo's psychological maturation becomes clearer.

Just look at the face he has when Ginjo promises to return his powers (not to mention the hysterics after that) Is this a healthy person's face?

And here my hands are literally itching to start talking about Ginjo, because to give an antihero who, in addition, will have a much closer dynamics with Ichi than Urahara, plus for the duration of the arc  will act as a mentor and father figure, this is just genius. Don’t @ me.

But the next plus, which will then bring us further, and this is THE Forshadowing 

Everywhere, just everywhere, starting from the very first pages.

And Kubo still confuses us in the course of the narrative, but my god, when you re-read, Easter eggs are crammed almost in every chapter and I think its beautiful. Both verbal (Ginjo is such a bad actor that he has to change his memory badumts) and visual

The plus that I mentioned earlier is 100% more lively dynamics between Ginjo and Ichi, because both are people and in fact, there is much more than it may seem at first, that brings both together. And the friendly connection that they establish with each other in this arc still not 100% false placeholder. (Which is easily spotted by the way Ginjo adresses Ichigo through the arc especially last chapters). 

And at the same time, they are in many ways the antonyms of each other, in age, color scheme, design, even names and also in what gives them motivation, in how they react to this or that event. For example, Ichigo is quite an emotional guy and puts his soul into everything, so to speak, then Ginjo, for example

Plus, the latter is not only skillful manipulator, but also embittered. And through such contrast, with generally the same input data, Kubo shows us that there is always a different path, leading to the topic choice, and where each specific one can lead a character.

Which absolutely doesn’t stop Ichigo from familirizing himself right off the bat and the two of them have comedy gold moments from the start. It is more lively, than being set against 300+ y.o. Urahara (whom I love as a character).

And, cross my heart Isshin is a great character, but he’s got that father of the year award, and Urahara can only give like a little itsy bitsy of information at a time only if it benefits him or a bigger picture, so the mentor’s role goes to Ginjo, which is well earned as he is technically the First Substitute. 

Ginjo is a mentor, a guide, and the main antagonist of the arc, which in itself is an unexpected and interesting combination within the framework of  Bleach. Here is a living example, in the moment of training he can go so far as to help Ichigo overcome his psychological barrier by simply and cruelly breaking him.

Which he does in the most painful way, through the trauma and inability of Ichigo to protect his loved ones. And from the reaction of the latter, childish and naive, his immaturity can be clearly seen (see the previous points). Although we do not know this yet, Ginjo is constantly trying to teach Ichigo one lesson that he himself learned the hard way. 

Combining this with such an important praise for a teenager and faith in Ighigo’s powers, which Ichigo was deprived of for 17 months as soon as he lost his powers as a shinigami ( all relatives are trying to isolate him from this, no one believes that he can and is able to stand up for him). This is another plus of the arc, namely the whole depth of the betrayal that Ichigo experiences when the cards are revealed.

Maybe the quincy arc would go completely differently, if Ichigo felt Ishida's betrayal or reacted to the truth about his mother in a different way. Did Ginjo not temper/prepare Ichigo in the way he did, did he involuntary not strengthen Ichi internally... Who knows how Bleach would end in general.

 This is to the question of the importance of this arc yes 

P.S  Strengthening the body also benefited Ichigo.Friendly reminder that he fights in his physical body for the entire arc except the end.

And the training episode immediately appears in a different light, right? 

And in my next hot take I will focus on another really important thing which is salvation and my own bitterness of why didn’t Kubo explore the whole SS thing and now we have to fee ourselves