#and the way chuuya is drawn? his expressions??

[videogamelover99]

Fellas. Fellas. The Fifteen Manga is such a good adaptation it's embarrassing. Not only do they perfectly convey one of the best scenes in the entire book, but they end up adding to it in a way that makes the dynamic between Chuuya, the Sheep, and Dazai even more clear. Shirase's manipulation, Chuuya's emotions, Dazai's delight and anger (on behalf of someone else?? For once???) are all drawn out so well. Hoshikawa I applaud you.

[kentopedia]

seeds of doubt

ft. dazai, chuuya, fyodor

summary — you don't feel like you’re good enough for them

contents — they comfort you when you’re feeling insecure about your relationship, sfw !!

notes — my other dazai wip is taking a while, so i decided to finish this one! i started it a few wks ago but since i’ve been feeling a lil down lately, i decided it was time for a comfort piece!

₊˚⊹♡ DAZAI

when you'd come home from work that evening, dazai had already known something was wrong. your usually bright smile didn't quite reach your eyes, your shoulders slumping the moment you crossed the threshold of your home.

dazai hadn't pushed you, but he had drawn you up tight in his arms, held you close when you breathed heavily into his shoulder, releasing all the tension in your body. his fingertips were soothing along your neck, massaging small, relaxing circles.

for the past hour, though it was nearing dinnertime, you'd found yourself buried in blankets, so warmly entangled with him, even when all of your hypercritical thoughts threatened to chill you to the core.

dazai spoke to you softly, asking you questions about your day for a while, ones that you refused to answer. you kept your eyes glued to the screen, watching mindlessly as a movie played, one that neither of you were paying any attention to.

that continued on for as long as he could stand it.

finally, with a sigh, dazai paused the film. he shifted, turning so that you were both face to face, his long limbs twisting around your own. limbs that were always so solid and warm, despite the iciness of his hands.

"kunikida told me what you said."

hesitantly, you stared back with wide eyes, jaw clenching. already, you knew what dazai was talking about. it was something that you'd told kunikida in confidence, because of all the members of the agency, you'd been certain that he was the least likely to spill your true feelings.

you stared back at him blankly, your shoulders stiffening. "hm? we talked a lot today. i'm not sure i know—"

though you pretended not to remember, dazai didn't let you run away from the question.

his lips fell into a frown, unamused. he drew your name out on an exhale, before running his palm over your cheek, across your chin, dipping his fingers into your hair. "don't bother. he's already mad enough at himself for telling me, but he hated how upset you were about it."

"osamu," you began. "i don't—"

"why did you tell him that you think you're not good enough for me?"

the seriousness in his deep brown eyes was so different than his usual playfulness, and you almost withdrew from them, curving deeper into yourself.

though, alongside the stoicism of his expression was something so melancholy, you found yourself offering your unfiltered emotions instead.

a long pause ensued. you breathed.

"because it's true," you finally whispered, your words wispy. "i'm not good enough for you, osamu." you swallowed when his face fell even further. "you're so smart, so handsome. you make me laugh all the time." your eyes grew hot as you felt tears at the edges of them. "i'm so plain compared to you."

"plain?" he repeated back, so wildly upset that you found yourself at a loss for words. "how can you say that, any of that, when i'm the one that's not good enough for you?"

despite yourself, you cracked a smile at his overzealous need to change the narrative. "don't say that just to make me feel better.”

"i'm not.” he frowned, his lips puckering as he held your cheeks, elongating each of the letters. "you're beautiful. inside and out. in a way that i can never be." he kissed the tip of your nose, smiling as you swatting him away. "i'm certainly not funny to everyone, either. i make you laugh only because i love you, and i want to see you smile." he kissed you between the eyebrows, then, this time laughing when the skin wrinkled there. "and i'm smart because i have to be, because i don't want to see the people i care about get hurt if i can do something to stop it." his expression softened at your glossy eyes, the way you slowly melted under his touch.

you let the words sink in, each one slowly chipping away at the doubt that had clouded you. dazai had never looked at you with anything but adoration in his eyes, something he spared for you and you alone, even when you felt unworthy of it.

"you could have anyone you wanted, osamu,” you said, the honest truth twisting something deep within you. “anyone at all.”

"funny," he said, tilting his head as he studied you carefully. "i've always thought the same thing about you."

₊˚⊹♡ CHUUYA

“i’m home,” you heard chuuya shout down the hall. he was always careful to alert you of his presence every time he returned, never wanting you to fear that his enemies had found his home, leaving you vulnerable.

you sniffed, some form of acknowledgement as you swirled the alcohol in the glass, pouring it down your throat. it burned on the way down, a buzz already at the edge of your mind, your thoughts slowing as you it sank into your bloodstream.

chuuya didn’t say anything more as he came into the room, kicking off his shoes and hanging up his hat and coat. there was a healed cut running down his left arm, a cluster of bruises on his left.

even though he’d gone on a dangerous mission earlier, he’d come home relatively unscathed.

despite your endless relief, it only did more to fuel your insecurities, the knowledge that compared to all his infinite glory, you were a lackluster, powerless no one.

you poured another glass, unbeknownst to the fact that chuuya was speaking to you at all.

“what?” you turned, the word slurring; you weren’t even sure what set of syllables had left your lips at all.

chuuya made a face as your head plopped down on the table, your eyes red from the tears you'd expelled. “is something wrong? it’s a little early for this, isn’t it?”

you stared at him, and though he was amused, you turned away, feeling the sour emotion of doubt lodge deep in your chest. “no,” you said in a small voice, turning away from chuuya.

he paused for a moment, his expression sobering before he took the seat next to you. chuuya held out a gloved hand, one that you could only see from your peripheral vision. “you expect me to believe that?”

“nothing’s wrong, chuuya,” you muttered, as sharply as you could in your current state. your arm grew numb under the weight of your head, throat sore from your earlier sobs. “i’m fine.”

chuuya sighed and took the bottle from you. even as you protested, every inch of his expression was so caring and delicate.

“that’s how i know you’re not fine.” he ran a hand over your hair, flattening it as you looked up at him from under wet eyelashes. “please tell me what’s wrong. i don’t like to see you sad, baby.”

though you wanted desperately to keep your mouth shut, you were too drunk to hold in the words. you leaned into his touch, letting the tears roll down your cheeks once more as panic grew in chuuya's eyes.

“i just think you deserve someone better than me, chuuya."

his brow wrinkled, and he blinked twice before shaking his head, puzzled. “what?”

you buried your head further into your forearms, unable to look at him any longer. despite your embarrassment, your lips didn't stop moving, releasing every little secret you'd bottled up since you'd met him

“you deserve someone you don’t have to worry about every time you’re away." you swallowed. "i’m not strong like you, chuuya, i don’t have any special ability that can save me from enemies." you thought of all the people he worked with, all of the ability users in the city that could compliment him so perfectly. "someone out there is a perfect match for you… i just don't think it's me.” you looked back at him, with teary, red eyes, right into his own sullen ones.

he scoffed, but his expression was gentle, open, fingers curling delicately around your wrist. "well, you're certainly wrong about that."

you curled yourself into a ball, resisting him, looking down at his knees instead of his eyes.

“none of that matters to me. i love you just the way you are. even if you were the strongest in the whole world, i'd still do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

you rubbed your cheeks, frowning as chuuya began reeling you in, grabbing you by the wrist to tug you onto his lap. “chuuya..." you said, hesitating as he planted you on his thighs, lips pulled tight in complete sincerity as he spoke his next words.

“i don’t care about anyone else. they could have all the power in the world, and it wouldn’t matter because they wouldn’t be you." he held you steady, one hand on your hip as he let the other caress your cheek gently. "i'll never want anyone else, okay?"

you nodded, though the sadness didn't dispel so easily from your face.

chuuya sighed, offering you as much of a smile as he could, even though he knew it wouldn't be a magic solution to cheer you up. "i'll remind you every day if i have to."

₊˚⊹♡ FYODOR

your hands curled in the water, tracing patterns throughout the soap and bubbles as your thoughts consumed you. it was just after midnight, but you'd woken up alone in your bed, full of thoughts that seemed determined to convince you that you'd never be enough.

though you'd gotten better at dispelling those dismal emotions, they dug their claws in deep this time. you'd crawled out of the cold sheets and drawn yourself a bath, hopeful that it would clear your mind.

fyodor had disappeared, and you weren't sure if he was in another room or if he had left your home completely.

it was quiet, but that told you little; he was always so silent, sneaking up on you with footsteps that never made a sound.

the door creaked open not a moment later, as if he had heard your thoughts. you didn't look over at him, but he sat beside the tub, his slender fingers curling over the porcelain.

"is everything alright?" he asked, his voice soft in the dim bathroom, illuminated only by candles and moonlight. "it's late."

you hummed, and contemplated voicing your thoughts at all. but you were half asleep, drowsy, and it didn't seem to matter what you said. the feelings would still be there, whether you voiced them or not.

still, you hesitated. "am i enough for you?"

you spared him a glance, and his eyes were wide, surprised by your simple question. a brief pause, before he answered, almost gently. "have i made you feel that you are not?"

you leaned your head against the edge of the tub, staring at the ceiling, the cracks in the paint, the uneven texture.

"i sometimes wonder if i'm just a hindrance to your plans." you breathed, thoughtful as he waited for you to finish. "i feel that maybe you'd be better off without me."

fyodor said nothing as you laid in the water, the temperature dropping with each passing minute. quietly, he discarded his clothes, keeping his eyes on you as he climbed into the tub to sit across from you.

he whispered your name once, but you remained silent, breathing in and out, trying to calm your mind.

"would you look at me?” fyodor asked, and the softness in his words was enough.

you sat up, pulling your legs closer to make space for him, even though he held your calf, drew himself towards you instead.

"you know that i do not make decisions lightly, and yet, i decided to share my heart and soul with you." he caressed your knee before letting his hand fall into the water, tracing patterns around your shin. you shivered. "do you really think i would have devoted my time to you if i ever intended on letting you go? if i didn't need you?"

"i know." you frowned, fully aware that it was true, to the deepest part of your soul. still, there was an ache in your mind, one that wouldn’t just go away with his pretty words. "but i can't help the way i sometimes feel."

fyodor smiled, his eyes crinkling ever so slightly at the corners. "i know," he said, and when he had you close, he dipped his head to kiss your bare shoulder. "but you do not need to hide that from me. i am here for you, always." he squeezed your hand. "i apologize if i am not always the best at showing that."

his touch was cold in the exposed bathroom air. "and when you achieve your goals, what will become of me? will you dispose of me, along with everyone else who stops being of used to you?"

"of course not." a laugh escaped him, like your question was unfathomable. "even then, you will be right by my side." he held your jaw tenderly as he forced you to look deep into his eyes. "you are mine forever, don't you understand? just as i am yours.”

dash is a teensy bit dead rn, but i want to let this one go so i can focus on my other wips <3. this was so nice to write though :))

[nakahras]

𓇼 ˖° dimples • multi character

synopsis • you’re surrounded by stupid men with cute dimples, it’s a tragedy

warnings • all: lower case intentional, fem!reader • chuuya’s: intoxication (alcohol), slight spoilers for stormbringer

wc • 4.4k

a/n • writing for characters other than chuuya and dazai (even tho i snuck both of them in there 💀) was refreshing. i had sm fun with all of these

ada: kunikida (wc 767)

it’s been almost eight hours of torture and you’re not even close to being finished with the mountain of work this stupid sack of bandages and bones has let pile up. it’s been especially bad this month, he usually tries to keep up the first week or so but from the looks of it, with this month that wasn’t the case. the worst part of it all? you don’t even get to leave the office until the brunette has all of his backed up work completed and at the rate you’re going you’ll both be here for the rest of the week. you wish you were exaggerating but you don’t think you are. last month atsushi was stuck in the office for a full 32 hours. the poor boy didn’t speak to dazai for almost a week after that, having had his fill for a lifetime.

your eye is twitching and your head is throbbing. you’ve been stuck next to dazai for almost eight whole hours due to having literally drawn the short straw. each month all the detectives, excluding ranpo since he’s just as bad, draw straws to help dazai catch up on his neglected paperwork and unfortunately this month was your turn. 

you let out another long sigh, at this rate you’ll pass out from the breathing exercises before you finish all of this work. your glasses are propped low on your nose, index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of it in irritation. dazai is currently humming his double suicide song and leaning dangerously far back in his desk chair. 

just as an idea stampedes across your mind, kunikida, not even looking up from his laptop, speaks up. “if you keep leaning back in that chair, you rock-for-brains, you’re going to fall and hit your head. god knows you don’t need to take any more damage to that screwy brain of yours.”

you can’t help but to let out a snort as you look over to see obvious offense on the brunette's face. it’s rare that kunikida’s outlandish comments towards dazai surprise you anymore, but it’s almost as if the blonde had read your mind. you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from smiling further when dazai gives you an accusatory glance before directing his attention back to the senior detective.

“awww are you worried about me, kunikida-kun? that’s so sweet of you. i’m not clumsy enough to fall from leaning back in my chair like this though. i’ve mastered the art!” as if to demonstrate, dazai leans way back, far more dangerously than he had previous to this conversation. 

without thinking you lean over and push on dazai’s chair, knowing the only result being him tumbling to the floor. “oh, have you now.”

in the split second before his demise, the brunette looks at you with an expression of utter betrayal. it’s like it happens in slow motion, you watch the betrayal flash into horror and then finally acceptance settles in his features as the back of his chair hits the ground and dazai clashes with the floor. a loud crash resounds across the office and everyone is too stunned to move let alone make a noise. not even a moment later dazai is groaning and lets out a pathetic whine. 

before he can open his mouth to complain verbally you’re both startle by a loud chortle coming from behind you. your eyes widen at the foreign noise falling from the usually stoic or angry blonde. you watch in wonder as his lips are stretched into a rare smile and his flushed cheeks display deep crevices. they’re dimples, you’ve never seen kunikida smile this widely, so you’ve never noticed them until now. something in your stomach flutters at the sight and you can’t help but to smile at him in astonishment. 

when kunikida settles down, clutching his stomach, he’s still smiling as he removes his glasses and wipes the tears from his eyes. as he places the metal frames back on his face his gaze seeks you out and when it settles on you his face is one of shock to find you already staring at him in amazement. you watch him closely, scrutinizing his expressions to see if you really never noticed the signs of dimples decorating his cheeks before. 

kunikida clears his throat awkwardly and composes himself. “what is it?”

you let out an airy laugh and shake your head while offering him a reassuring smile. “it’s nothing really…i just never noticed before, kunikida, but you have dimples. you should smile more often, they suit you.”

pm: chuuya (wc: 1.1k)

you hardly ever drink, if at all. the most you’ll have in a sitting is a glass of whatever’s offered to you. you usually sip at it slowly, nursing that one drink for the rest of the night. 

…but tonight…

tonight is certainly different. you’re celebrating the close defeat of fyodor and the decay of angels with the armed detective agency of all people. the surprising collaboration had bonded so many of your people together that it was only right to celebrate as one. the defeat was, after all, all of yours. 

despite the celebratory mood, you currently find yourself in a predicament. as one of the port mafia’s physicians it’s easy to fly under the radar at an event much like this one, but the ada’s doctor took a special liking to you and has been feeding you shot after shot of saki to shoot with her. at this rate, you won’t even be able to see straight enough to hook yourself up to an iv before passing out after this. you don’t even want to know what kind of headache you’ll have in the morning if you can’t stay hydrated.

you need to find a reason to excuse yourself before you’re roped into taking your sixth shot of the night. 

you scan the vicinity, everything blurring at the edges. your eyes zero in on the one person you’ve actually wanted to speak to all night. you haven’t seen him since he came back from europe. you missed him. the thought makes you cringe internally at the involuntary thought. you wonder how much you look like a love sick puppy because suddenly yosano is leaning in and whispering, very indiscreetly might you add.

“oho! am i keeping you from a special someone? go on, i can find another drinking buddy…” the woman doesn’t even give you a chance before she’s waving the bottle of saki and zeroing in on the blonde with glasses whose name you never bothered to learn. “kunikida! come here!”

you take a breath and try your best not to stumble over to where the ginger is observing something to his left, clearly amused. when you get about 3 meters from him, his head snaps over to you and his small smile stretches into a bigger fond one. his eyes soften and he reaches out to steady you.

god, you almost forgot how truly gorgeous this man is.

“looks like you had too much fun with the agency’s doctor there.” the second his smile widens you’re a goner, your mind becomes even more foggy and your legs wobbly.

you smile proudly at chuuya and you think you must look ridiculous because he lets out a chuckle that puts his single dimple on full display. “were you keeping tabs on me, chuuya nakahara?”

your words are a little slurred, even though it’s not very noticeable, they still come out more jumbled than you previously thought they would. if you had the decency you’d flinch at it but your inhibitions are a little scarce right now. you don’t even have the decency to feel embarrassed. 

what’s even worse is chuuya catches the way your eyes scan his figure, gaze lingering on features that should be left for a private setting. you’re absolutely shameless and you’re not even that inebriated. your ogling is put to an end when your eyes meet his own again. his grin wide and smug. 

once again, you’re consumed by how stunning he is.

“i was…been waiting all night for that doctor to leave you alone. it’s been a while, doll. how’ve you been?” chuuya reaches out to straighten your hair by tucking your loose strands behind your hair, you don’t miss the way he lets his hand linger before pulling away and letting his arm drop back to his side.

you hum contentedly and shrug. “i’ve been overworked and worried. but…i’m glad it’s finally over and you’re back. i’m glad you’re safe.”

trying to change the subject, you hone in on the small indent that’s settled on his face from smiling so much and chuuya gives you a confused look but he doesn’t question you just yet. 

“y’know, you only have one dimple and i think,” you reach up and poke at the small crater in his cheek. “it’s the cutest thing ever.”

a fit of giggles falls from your lips and chuuya swears that somehow between when you walked over and now you had time to sneak in stealing his heart. something in his stomach flutters and his hands twitch, begging to hold onto you. chuuya tilts his head back, effectively making your hand fall from his face and downs the rest of his wine.

you watch in amusement, enjoying the way your words have clearly affected him. maybe drinking as much as you did wasn’t such a bad idea after all. you never would have said something like that to the world’s strongest ability user otherwise. you’ve harbored affection for the ginger since doc, your mentor, was still alive. you can practically hear albatross in your ear, teasing you for your, at the time, small crush. 

you’re brought out of your melancholy thoughts when chuuya’s gloved hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. you stumble and fall into the gravity manipulator. you let out a noise of complaint, ready to voice your qualms but it all dies on your tongue as it goes dry when you notice the tantalizing look on chuuya’s face.

“you’re callin’ me cute? you?” chuuya leans in, he’s so close you can smell the faint scent of wine and cigarettes on his breath.

you swallow thickly and look away, face now flushed from more than just the alcohol. “what d’you mean by that…”

the ginger leans in impossibly closer, his lips now brushing yours but before he can even say anything, an airy and teasing voice is calling out for the executive. 

“chuuya! i’ve been looking all over for you, don’t tell me you were avoiding me? and here i thought we had patched things up back at the prison.”

chuuya’s brown eye twitches as his head turns to find a tall brunette with a simpering smile. it takes you a moment but you realize this is someone you know, someone who you haven’t seen or heard from since you were 18, dazai osamu. you aren’t exactly in the mood for a reunion, your face still flushing from what just transpired between you and the executive.

you try to escape but chuuya’s grip on your wrist only tightens. a clear nonverbal for you to stay put. despite suddenly feeling stone cold sober, you have a sneaky feeling you’re still going to be missing that iv tonight.

guild: mark twain (wc: 738)

this standstill is agonizing, you’re so bored. you’ve been stuck on the moby dick for what seems like ages and yet you still haven’t been given an assignment by francis. you feel useless, like you’ve just been twiddling your thumbs — hell, even poe has had a role to play in all of this. 

it’s so incredibly frustrating.

you sit on the floor of the sunroom, you thought basking in the sunlight might help your mood. you thought wrong. you’ve been sulking for the last hour, maybe longer, just huffing and puffing as if someone was there. you let out another sigh and dramatically flop to the ground and onto your back as you hear someone approaching. 

you look up to find a pair of sandal clad feet far too close to your face for comfort. you grimace and quickly sit back up to get away from the offending appendages. you previously had wanted some company, at least then it would be less agonizing. but you’re filled with dread when you decide your mood is far too sour to be entertaining anyone at the moment. 

you glare at the ginger looming over you.

“get those dogs away from me.” you cross your legs and your face twists further in annoyance when you’re met with an amused expression.

a chuckle falls from his lips as he plops himself on the floor next to you. “someone’s in a cheery mood today.”

you roll your eyes and contemplate ignoring the young man altogether. of course you’re in a shit mood, you’re bored, you’ve been bored since you got to japan. you’re not even allowed to explore the area. you tried sneaking out but that damn priest caught you and tattled. you almost lose your temper just thinking about it.

“hey,” your internal rage is halted by mark trying to capture your attention. “where’d ya go just now?”

you let out a groan and flop back onto the floor. usually mark has a knack for fishing you out of your own thoughts but you don’t think even he can help today. you’d asked permission again to go explore and once again francis denied you. you feel like a bird, caged in, wings clipped so you’re unable to fly. being cooped up like this is driving you insane and you think mark can sense it because he stops pressing and lays down with you. 

you both lay in silence for a bit and your tense muscles finally begin to relax. maybe this wasn’t so bad, basking in the sun alone was sad, but having someone to do it with…it’s nice. you’ve suddenly forgotten why you were so worked up.

the peaceful moment only lasts a few moments. a familiar and mischievous voice rings close to your ear and you start. “he’s been worried about ya, y’know?”

“tom?!” both you and the ginger cry out in unison.

you sit up and look over at mark incredulously. he’s never accidentally activated the boys before, his control always being pretty impressive actually. your lips part slightly as you notice the embarrassed pout that stretches his lips down. the frown bringing out the dimples on his cheeks, making them far more apparent than they are when he smiles. 

it takes a moment but tom’s words sink in, when they do you let out a snort that has mark giving you a mortified look. tom is perched on your shoulder, snickering along with you. mark glares at the small apparition and releases his ability cutting off his snickering. 

you look over to mark with a smug grin. “so, you’ve been worried about me, huh?”

you let out a chuckle as the ginger groans. suddenly your sour mood melts away and you’re left with a sweet aftertaste. your grin is wide and reaches your eyes, making them crinkle at the edges. your chest feels lighter, a weight that’s been sitting in your rib cage since departing the states finally being relieved and you have mark twain to thank for that. you watch as his frown stays clearly plastered on his features. you shake your head at him.

“ah, c’mon, mark. y’know i’m only teasing you. although i should do it more often, that frown brings out those adorable dimples of yours even more than a smile does…”

mark offers you an offended side eye but he can’t hide the blush that dusts the apple of his cheeks at your words.

hunting dogs: tachihara (wc 1k) 

“tecchou could be charming… if it weren’t for his strange…quirks.” you snicker at jouno’s quip, never missing the chance to insult the brunette. 

you hum, a smirk stretching at your lips. “okay, mr. ‘i like to piss people off for fun’, you’re just as bad.”

the blind man turns his head towards your voice and scowls in your direction. your smile widens, pleased with ticking him off. playing his game better than him is always so exhilarating. jouno always gives you some of the best reactions . 

your captain belts out a hearty laugh. the older man himself had started this conversation. apparently he’d been shot down and came into your meeting room with his ears drooped and tail between his legs. charm. that is the subject at hand, which of you have the most charm. it started with fukuchi insisting on his “boyish charm” despite his age. the man is clearly in denial but trying to convince him of that is pointless, you would know, you’ve tried. 

jouno hisses, “as if you’re any better.”

“i am. why do you think i’m the member fukuchi sends out for negotiations, my dear jouno?” you snicker when the pale man turns his nose up at you and clicks his tongue, knowing you’d won.

it’s been a while since all of you had been summoned together. despite the bickering you’re excited to see your colleagues altogether in one room. you’re especially giddy to see a certain redhead who’s been undercover with the port mafia for almost 2 years now. you’ve missed 2 of his birthdays, he must look older now. you wonder just how much the young man has grown since the last time you saw him — as a boy. you were still young too, you still are, younger than him at the very least. not by much of course but it’s enough to make you the second youngest member of the hunting dogs. 

the last time you saw tachihara, the two of you fought. you begged him, pleaded with him to not take the assignment with the port mafia. it was dangerous and you knew about his personal grudge against its leader. but he didn’t listen, he made a promise to you, though. he promised to come back to you in one piece. 

you impatiently wait to see if he kept his promise. 

you’re pulled out of your thoughts by fukuchi. “ah, we almost forgot about the other two. what do you think of teruko.”

you and jouno share a look. teruko has never been the most agreeable…and that’s putting it lightly. her attitude is arrogant at best. sure, when she loves, she loves with her entire being but that’s a rare instance and it takes time to get there with the girl.

“why don’t we skip over her and move on to tachihara…” jouno looks almost pained at having to avoid the topic altogether.

luckily you’re both saved by the meeting room door opening and 3 other figures walking in. you sit up straight, watching as tecchou strides in first. your breath hitches when a smaller figure walks in with another larger one. you can feel the look jouno is casting your way, knowing well he felt the way your heartbeat began to race, the way your breath caught in your throat, and the way you tremble with nerves. 

you were right. he does look older, but most importantly he still looks just as handsome. maybe even more so than before. you also notice he’s grown into his uniform, unlike the baggy uniform he wore the last time you saw him, this one fits him perfectly.

instead of greeting everyone else (you suppose this wasn’t the first meeting he’s had with the rest since infiltrating the port mafia) tachihara dives right into the conversation you were having previously.

“what about me?”

you don’t miss the way the ginger’s eyes scan the room and light up the second they meet your own and you don’t miss the way he makes a beeline for the empty seat next to you. “our captain here, believes that he still has a boyish charm about him…”

“...ah…uh huh… so old age has made the geezer delusional then?” tachihara grins proudly at you, a dimpled smile on full display, as he claims the empty seat as his own.

you let out a bubbly giggle, unable to contain yourself and nod. “i’m afraid so!”

“hey!” the older man whines in a way that’s reminiscent of teruko. “i am not old.”

jouno and tecchou chime in while teruko and your captain argue against why you’re all wrong. you watch them all with a fond smile and a warmth in your chest. you’ve missed this, missed them all. having michizo next to you made it all feel complete, like you’re whole again.

the ginger leans in cautiously, watching for any hesitation on your part, but he won’t find any. “what about you? what do you think? am i charming?”

you study his face for a moment, all the previously soft edges of his face have smoothed out, only leaving sharp features. even his eyes are far more calculating than they were before he left. one thing that hasn’t changed though, his boyish smile. the indents in his cheeks give way to his young age. for once you're happy to see that some things never change. 

apparently, your conversation wasn’t a private one as fukuchi chimes in. “it pains me to say but you have the most boyish charm out of all of us, even greater than mine - but only by a little.”

you chuckle at the stubborn man’s words and tachihara follows suit. the soft rumbled noise he makes is deeper and that’s when you realize, it’s not just his laugh that’s gotten deeper — his voice has a certain gruffness it didn’t have before. it’s subtle but it’s soothing, much like a lullaby.

you wink at the ginger and respond in a teasing tone, “fukuchi is right, tachihara, your boyish charm could get you out of all sorts of trouble. it’s definitely those cute dimples of yours.” 

doa: nikolai (wc: 837)

you don’t even remember what you just said. or where you are. or what you two are even doing here. all you know is that nikolai is sitting in front of you laughing like a madman. it’s not one of his usual forced cackles, no, this one is possibly the first genuine laugh you’ve seen from him. his real laugh is far lighter than the crackled and loud noises that slip past his lips when he plays his little games. you find yourself trying to memorize the sound, much preferring this laugh to the previously mentioned one.

his face is relaxed too. the twisted grin he usually wears has melted away into a bright smile that reaches his cheeks, making the most stunning little indents in them. nikolai truly is gorgeous and you find yourself thinking he’s even more beautiful when he lets himself relax. his uncovered eye sparkles as he wipes away the tears that built up from his fit of laughter. 

you’ve always thought that nikolai himself is just beautiful in general but when he’s like this? you can’t help but to stare.

and of course, the clown notices. “whatcha staring at, chickadee?” 

it’s teasing, a lilt in his voice that’s just a little too cheery. your attention, which was previously zeroed in on nikolai’s isolated features, focuses out and onto him as a whole. his head is tilted to the side, staring at you curiously.

you’re suddenly acutely aware of the fond smile that’s plastered on your face. you gather your bearings and turn that smile into a frown, crossing your arms across your chest, you stubbornly look away. you let out an exasperated puff of air.

“nothing.” your voice comes out deadpanned. 

nikolai prances his way over to you, standing on his toes and leaning in. you swear he has no sense of personal space, you doubt he even knows the meaning of it. your lips immediately curl up in discomfort and you lean away from him, trying to create as much distance as possible without actually stepping back. your attempts are futile, though, his tall stature and freakishly good balance allows him to follow you. 

the white haired clown lets out a snort. “ah, come on, that answer’s no fun!”

“it wasn’t s’posed to be, gogol.” your expression is uninterested but internally you aren’t as confident in your ability to keep your composure. 

nikolai dramatically pouts at you and straightens back up, doing a little twirl that you think is quite ridiculous. but that’s nikolai, ridiculous and unabashed. you straighten up too and watch him wearily. his sheer amount of energy seems to drain your own, sucking the life out of you the longer you’re around him. his eccentricity is something that you’re still not accustomed to.

nikolai perks up and you almost wince knowing you’re not going to like whatever thought it is that just lit him up like a lightbulb. 

“let’s play a game then!” you can’t help the way you eye him suspiciously. “we each tell the other our favorite things about the other. we’ll start with favorite feature!”

“no.”

“yes!” 

your eye twitches at how quick he is to reject your refusal. the twitching intensifies when he starts humming the jeopardy theme and prancing around you, clearly waiting for your approval. you decide you’re gonna be bullheaded on this one — or, at the very least, try to be.

“absolutely not.”

nikolai let’s out a foul buzzer noise “absolutely! c’mon. i’ll go first-”

“nikolai. no.”  

there’s now a dull pounding in your head and you’re starting to think that maybe conceding is the best option to get him to stop.

“nikolai. yes!” his grin is wide and you can tell he’s caught on to your waning perseverance.

you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, a sign of you accepting defeat. “if i tell you, will you stop bouncing around like that and calm down?”

“cross my heart and hope to die!” his tone is cheery, sing-song and light. 

you know — you know — you’re going to regret this later but you could care less at this particular moment. anything to give you a sliver of peace. 

“fine…your dimples, they’re my favorite feature of yours, they’re…mesmerizing…”

you look away embarrassed at the admission, missing the way nikolais face softens for a moment. then he winds up again, like a toy soldier that just had its key turned to the max. he’s moving around you with twice the amount of gusto as he was before his promise, practically vibrating. you scowl at him, displeased.

“you promised you would knock that off, you clown.”

the said clown gives you a pleased grin and sings out again. “i lied!”

you cannot believe you let him trick you like that, your ire making your skin crawl. or maybe that’s your embarrassment prickling at your skin and making it flush. you try not to let your mind linger on it too much as you let a response fly out of your mouth.

“then die.”

[lnkedmyheart]

This one is in response to @fizzytastic asking

"I would LOVE to know what you mean regarding the light novels."

Dazai in the light novels has been down BAD since the day he met Chuuya.

I know the whole "must be because I love you" can be viewed as a joke but my man actually "whispered with a look of regret" at being shot down.

He also proceeded to cheat during the game by tampering with the machine to ensure Chuuya would lose the bet and become his dog. He was also stated as being in awe of Chuuya's fighting ability, repeatedly refering to him as "incredible". Dazai also flat out admits to wanting to try out living because "Chuuya convinced" him.

He is even described as having forgotten how to breathe watching Chuuya fight.

Moving on to the events of Stormbringer, Dazai spends too long exposing his obsession with Chuuya, telling the big bad that he spends all his "days and nights thinking about ways to annoy Chuuya".

He further proceeds to insist that Chuuya is human because of how strongly he hates Chuuya and due to a specific word it can be viewed as him saying Chuuya would hate him less if he wasnt human as was stated in the stage play of the same.

Furthermore at the end of Stormbringer he offers to come up with a new plan to give Chuuya an out if he needs one when he has to use corruption as a last resort. And he fully intends on coming up with a new plan within 2 minutes.

In general Dazai does a lot of staring at Chuuya throughout the light novels. On a lighter note Dazai jokes about wanting Chuuya as his personal maid at one point and demands that Chuuya let Dazai look inside his head and know everything there is to know about him.

But then we move onto the dragon head conflict as mentioned in Dead Apple where after making light of an executive's death and getting punched in the face by Chuuya, Dazai is so shaken up by Chuuya implying he's inhuman, he actually pulls strings to try and bring the conflict to an end. He also stops corruption by touching his cheek and pulls Chuuya's head into his lap while he is unconscious after his fight with Shibusawa. The following is from the manga.

Now everyone knows about the whole Snow White and Prince reference but in the light novel its clarified that Chuuya's ability was not affected by the fog and Dazai knew this but he still forces his head down. Even more telling is that Dazai cradles Chuuya's face for no real reason because Corruption had already been nullified when Chuuya made skin to skin contact when punching him in the face.

And of course that was how their expressions are drawn in the manga panel

Then we move to the present day and you have Dazai saying this to Sigma about Chuuya

But then his comment about Gide has him claim the exact same behaviour is romantic in his messed up troll brain

Basically Dazai has a history of staring at Chuuya in awe since 15, "jokingly" confessed at 15 and then got somewhat upset about the rejection, cheated to be able to keep Chuuya as his, repeatedly makes remarks that imply he is vaguely obsessed with him at 16, tends to let Chuuya rest his head in his lap post corruption, has nullified him twice that we have seen by touching his cheek (as per the movie and once as per the ln). Is actively affected by how Chuuya views him (which was shocking to me).

Aside from that he has also talked about Chuuya to the ADA off screen because Yosano knew about Chuuya and his ability (though this could just be a random update about the membera of the mafia to watch out for during meetings) and I heard he talked about Chuuya to Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai ln.

This is not counting any of the seriously insane amount of wan content because I dont view it as canon or atleast entirely canon but there Dazai admits to keeping 27 journals detailing things about Chuuya and its an exaggeration of the canon fact that Dazai prides himself in being a Chuuya Nakahara Encyclopedia. It also plays with how close they both actually are with several character refering to them as besties, Chuuya being forced to admit he doesnt actually hate Dazai.

(Oh and this is not even considering just how much Dazai touches Chuuya, like in the manga there is a part where Dazai keeps tugging at Chuuya's hair and refusing to let go while complaining about how much he doesnt want to touch him. Just let go dude...)

So yea, I would not be surprised if Dazai has his vows prepared by the time the last pre defection ln drops. Ofcourse this is mostly a lighthearted joke about Dazai being down bad but in all seriousness, Dazai genuinely cared about and still cares about Chuuya and its made extremely obvious throughout the novels. Its actually worth noting that it was actually Chuuya who seemed to be more vitriolic towards him until the end of Stormbringer where Dazai actually gives Chuuya a choice and shows open concern for Chuuya's needs. Hell Dazai was also the one insisting on Chuuya's autonomy, while he keeps insisting Chuuya is his dog, he hates the idea of people using him like a tool, its why he always gives Chuuya a choice. Chuuya always actively chooses to go rescue Dazai in Dazai's plans of getting kidnapped. Chuuya can always go, "nah, I dont wanna use corruption" but he doesnt because he knows since the events of stormbringer that Dazai will always give him a choice even if corruption seems like a last resort.

Chuuya has good reason for trusting Dazai. Its cause Dazai has in fact proven to him that he can trust him. Its why he went in to fight a dragon despite being told Dazai was possibly already dead.

(And yea I know the current arc would have people go "lol he tried to drown Chuuya, he clearly doesnt care" and you know what? That's so dumb. Dazai tried to drown Chuuya, yes. But we dont actually know what is happening with this arc rn and what he is doing or if Chuuya is in any way involved in whatever he is doing. Dazai said all those things and there was no need for him to say that but the fact that he even remembered several moments they shared, yea no, he was clearly affected by it. Maybe I am wrong and Asagiri decided to yeet out all of Dazai's characterization we saw with his behaviour towards Chuuya in 2 entire novels of his past but IDK I think I'm gonna wait till this arc ends and everything unfolds before making a conclusion about how Dazai is such an asshole he tried to drown his partner.)

Seriously, vows are like the least they could do at this point.

[hanakolikescandy]

𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢, 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚, 𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐨, 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢, 𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐚l𝐞 𝐒/𝐎 :)

Dazai:

1. Dazai finds himself strangely drawn to the reader's innocence and purity, often teasing them with flirtatious remarks just to see their adorable reactions.

2. Despite his aloof demeanor, Dazai secretly enjoys spending time with the reader, whether it's going on whimsical adventures or simply lounging around reading books together.

3. He's surprisingly protective of the reader, always keeping an eye out for their well-being even if he doesn't openly admit it.

4. The reader's presence has a calming effect on Dazai, grounding him in moments of chaos and reminding him that there's more to life than darkness and despair.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Chuuya:

1. Chuuya initially finds the reader's innocence amusing, often teasing them mercilessly until he realizes how much he genuinely enjoys their company.

2. Despite his tough exterior, Chuuya has a soft spot for the reader, often going out of his way to make them smile with small gestures of kindness.

3. He's fiercely protective of the reader, ready to unleash his wrath on anyone who dares to harm them.

4. Chuuya can't help but blush whenever the reader compliments him or shows him affection, secretly cherishing every moment they spend together.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranpo:

1. Ranpo is immediately intrigued by the reader's uniqueness, finding their innocence and naivety refreshing in a world filled with darkness.

2. He enjoys challenging the reader with riddles and puzzles, relishing in the joy of watching their face light up when they solve them.

3. Ranpo often acts as a mentor to the reader, guiding them through the complexities of the world while protecting them from its dangers.

4. Despite his playful teasing, Ranpo cares deeply for the reader and would do anything to keep them safe and happy.

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Atsushi:

1. Atsushi is instantly drawn to the reader's kindness and innocence, feeling a strong urge to protect them from the harsh realities of the world.

2. He loves spending time with the reader, whether it's going for walks in the park or simply enjoying each other's company at home.

3. Atsushi is incredibly patient with the reader, always willing to listen to their thoughts and feelings without judgment.

4. He often finds himself blushing around the reader, unable to hide his affection for them even if he tries.

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Akutagawa:

1. Akutagawa is initially wary of the reader's innocence, viewing it as a weakness until he realizes how much he admires their purity of heart.

2. Despite his gruff exterior, Akutagawa secretly enjoys the reader's company, finding solace in their gentle presence.

3. He's fiercely protective of the reader, willing to do whatever it takes to keep them safe from harm.

4. Akutagawa struggles to express his feelings for the reader, often resorting to small gestures of kindness to show his affection.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Kunikida:

1. Kunikida is intrigued by the reader's innocence and purity, finding their outlook on life both refreshing and endearing.

2. He enjoys sharing his love for organization and planning with the reader, often involving them in his meticulous schemes.

3. Kunikida is fiercely loyal to the reader, always putting their needs above his own and going to great lengths to ensure their safety.

4. Despite his strict demeanor, Kunikida has a soft spot for the reader, often letting his guard down around them and showing them a more playful side.

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Ahh my first post! ◡̈⋆ⓎⒶⓎ!(*´∇`)ﾉ

I hope you enjoyed it :D

Requests are open!

[floatysparrowthing]

What if… High School Musical but make it Soukoku 😍

A bright light shines on Chuuya and he blinks, confused and momentarily blinded, before the creeping realization that he’s been chosen dawns on him. The crowd cheers and then the light moves to someone else in the room: a boy about his age, dressed in a dark suit, an oversized black coat, and crisp white bandages that cover his arms, neck, and right eye. Weirder than the bandages is his blank expression—almost menacing, if a teen boy could be such a thing—but with the spotlight, it changes instantly to an expression of overdramatic delight.

Chuuya doesn’t have a moment to question it, though, as he and the other boy are pushed toward the small stage. He’s about to bail on this ridiculous situation, but the boy shoots him a look that dares him to follow through with the duet.

The piano starts, slow and quiet, and then text appears on the karaoke screen in front of them.

“Living in my own world,” the other boy sings, sounding somber, “didn’t understand…”—his dark eye catches Chuuya’s—“that anything can happen, when you take a chance.”

Well, Chuuya never backs down from a challenge, so he grabs the microphone and sings his lines: “I never believed in what I couldn’t see, I never opened my heart to all the possibilities.”

It’s a shock when they both sing the next two words together, “I know,” but then the other boy drops the next line, as if he’s trying to keep Chuuya on his toes. Chuuya keeps going—“that something has changed”—and his duet partner joins him with the next line—“never felt this way”—and keeps dipping in and out of the chorus as Chuuya sings the rest of it: “and right here tonight, this could be the start of something new. It feels so right to be here with you. And now lookin’ in your eyes, I feel in my heart, the start of something new…”

Chuuya barely knows what he’s singing; the adrenaline rush is making it hard to hear and he’s caught off guard by how beautiful this boy serenading him is. The cold aura he briefly glimpsed has warmed into something like a mug of hot cocoa—chocolate brown eyes and chocolate brown hair—and he’s being drawn in, as they sway their hips to the music.

“Now who’d have ever thought that,” his duet partner sings, and Chuuya joins him for the next line, “we’d both be here tonight.”

“…and the world looks so much brighter, oh, with you by my side,” Chuuya finishes the verse.

They both jump into the chorus, and now Chuuya’s actually listening to the words. “This could be the start of something new”—it feels ridiculous to be singing that to someone he literally just met—“it feels so right to be here with you”—but there’s some truth to that line, he realizes with a shock—“and now lookin’ in your eyes, I feel in my heart”—there’s only one eye for him to look into, but the intensity of the boy’s gaze makes up for it—“the start of something new…”

Chuuya sings that last line by himself, feeling weirdly like he’s been left hanging, but his duet partner starts the next verse with gusto: “I never knew that it could happen, till it happened to me.”

Together, they sing, “I didn’t know it before, but now it’s easy to see…”—and Chuuya notices the slight change from “could be” to—“it’s the start of something new.”

The song is declaring this to be a turning point for them and Chuuya’s getting caught up in the feeling of it as they finish the last chorus together.

Never felt this way…

By the time they sing the last notes, Chuuya realizes they’ve gravitated to each other and are close enough that Chuuya’s forced to look up to meet his partner’s eye. Now, the boy is beaming down at him and his lips twist into a slightly flirty grin. Chuuya’s eyes widen and his face heats as he wonders for a moment if this boy he doesn’t know is going to kiss him.

But then the boy turns to the crowd and does a dramatic bow, saying, “Thank you, thank you,” as the crowd claps and cheers. The spell of the song is broken as they both step off the stage and Chuuya’s left reeling from the confusing emotions until his duet partner grabs his hand and drags him outside.

The boy lets go of him once they’ve cleared the crowd and they end up at the edge of the balcony, overlooking the snowy forest stretching out before them. The air is cold, but it feels good against Chuuya’s overheated cheeks. His hands, though, are freezing, so he shoves them deep into his pockets.

“I’m Chuuya,” Chuuya gets out, his breath puffing into the space between them.

“Chuuya,” the boy says, as if tasting the letters of his name, then he grins and says, “Call me Dazai.”

Dazai. Chuuya thinks it must be his family name.

“So,” Chuuya begins, not sure where he’s going but feeling the need to say something, “ya ever sing like that before?”

“Only in the shower~” Dazai says, but the way he talks has a sing-song quality to it; Chuuya wouldn’t be surprised if he sings to himself while going about his day. Or maybe Chuuya’s just projecting because that’s what he does—it’s his little secret.

But he’s never sung with anyone before tonight. He didn’t know it would be so different.

”Yeah, me neither,” Chuuya says gruffly. He watches the trees shake in the wind and the snow tumble off their branches, trying not to look at the pretty boy beside him.

I’ve never actually felt that way, the words are on Chuuya’s tongue, but he’d never willingly admit that. It’d be so… cheesy. He’s thankful the cold can explain the flush on his cheeks.

“I didn't think someone so short could have such a good voice!” Dazai chirps.

The insult is so unexpected, Chuuya’s first reaction is just: “Hah?!” He whips his head around to Dazai and glares up at him. “Who’re you callin’ short, dickhead?”

Dazai’s eye and mouth go round with delight. “Oh! Short and angry!”

Chuuya’s cheeks flare with a new heat to them as he kicks Dazai in the shin. “Anyone would respond that way if you call them short!”

What was he thinking? This guy’s an asshole. The singing thing was clearly a fluke.

Dazai winces in pain. “Not anyone would sing a romantic duet with someone they just met and then kick them…”—Chuuya’s seriously thinking about kicking him again—“…but that’s what makes me love you!”

Love—?

“What?!” he nearly shrieks. His heart is hammering. When did that happen? “Ew, no!”

There’s an awkward pause and then Dazai laughs. “I’m kidding, of course.”

”Right…” Chuuya feels sick from this emotional rollercoaster. He’s only known this guy for, like, ten minutes and he’s already felt a whole color wheel of feelings about him. He’d like to get off the ride now.

A clamoring sound of voices interrupts them—the doors to the chalet are propped open now, as the party spills outside. They gather around the deck, watching the sky as they start chanting: “Ten! Nine! Eight!”

Chuuya pulls out his phone to look at the time. 11:59.

He glances back up to find Dazai leaning with his back against the railing, watching him with a slowly fading smirk.

“Five! Four!”

The start of something new… the song echoes in Chuuya’s head.

“One!”

The fireworks go off at midnight, drowning out the sound of anything else. People are kissing each other and laughing and drinking flutes of champagne. Dazai, though, is just gazing upward. His eye is so dark, it’s like a mirror to the night sky, reflecting the bursts of color over a vast emptiness.

I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss. Chuuya shakes the thought away, wondering what the hell has gotten into him.

“Did you make a wish?” Dazai’s voice surprises him. It’s soft the way snowfall muffles the world, but Chuuya’s standing close enough to just make out his words.

His mind gets stuck, unhelpfully, on the word kiss. And then love.

“No. Did you?”

”Mm.” The way Dazai’s looking at him now has none of the magnetism that it did while they were singing, nor the sparkling mischief while he was insulting Chuuya. It’s like a shut door. “I wished for a peaceful ending.”

Peaceful ending?

Chuuya’s just about to ask what that means when he hears his name called. With a warm winter coat over his elegant suit, Verlaine is breaking through the crowd and coming towards him.

The sight sparks annoyance in Chuuya—they’ve spent the whole weekend together, can’t he have a few more moments without…

But when Chuuya glances back to Dazai, his duet partner is gone.

Then his world goes dark as Verlaine envelops him in a hug and his face is squashed into his jacket. At least it’s warm.

”Happy New Year, Chuuya! I couldn’t find you before…”

~🥂~

[spiritedscorpio]

Idea: bsd characters on a ferris wheel

🎡

The BSD men on a ferris wheel

Includes: Atsushi, Akutagawa, Dazai, Nikolai, Ranpo, Chuuya, Fyodor

Warning: A bit of suggestive content, typical suicide mention for Dazai's part

A/n: Thank you for the idea, sorry it took a while for me to finish this!

Atsushi:

He was actually the one to suggest that you check out the nearby amusement park since you both had time off

He's never gotten to go to one himself so he was excited to experience one for the first time with you

Everything grabs his attention and he wants to see and try everything however he's drawn to a large ferris wheel first

His face lights up at the sight of it, the bright lights illuminating the night sky

While waiting in line you talk casually, the conversation repeatedly returning to the ride

When you get to the front of the line he lets you step inside first so he's there to catch you if you trip

As it goes around he stares over the side of the cart, admiring the view of the city

The peace at the height of the ride brings a sudden feeling of gratefulness to him and he tells you how much he loves and appreciates you

You ask him if you can kiss at the top and he's initially flustered at the sudden question but agrees, gently pressing his lips to yours when you reach the top the second time

Asks to go on it again with you before leaving so you can end the night with it

Akutagawa:

You had to beg him to go to the local amusement park with you as it's a place he would never usually go to

He immediately hates how crowded the place is so he sticks close to you

You say you want to go on the ferris wheel and he has no objections since he'll be separated from people

He sits next to you in the cart and watches the ground below him with a blank face

When he looks over at you smiling at the view in front of you, he can't help but slightly smile himself

You ask him if you can kiss at the top and at first he's against the idea but agrees when you ask him a second time, leaning towards you at the top for a quick kiss

Though he tries to hide it with his coat, you see a faint shade of pink on his cheeks

You giggle at his expression, saying how cute he is and lean onto his chest, relaxing against him as you continue to go around

He tenses up at first but hesitantly puts his arm over your side

Has no problem if you ask him to go again, he secretly enjoys the closeness and seeing you so happy in general and with him

Dazai:

He was immediately down to go with you to the amusement park; anything where he gets to spend time with you and get away from his usual work setting is fine with him

If you're on the shorter side he teases you and asks if you're tall enough to go on some of the rides

He simply agrees when you ask to go on a ferris wheel, following behind you as you lead the way

Offers you his hand as you climb in before sitting across from you

As you get further and further from the ground he stares down in awe "Wouldn't this be a wonderful way to end it all?" He says casually before looking over a you, a content smile spreading across his face at your expression

You ask if you can kiss at the top and he smirks, amused by your advance however he still agrees

He leans forward, pulling you onto his lap and locking lips with you as his hands hold your waist

The kiss was passionate, gentle, and seemingly innocent until he trailed his lips down your neck

He chuckles to himself when you pull away and move to sit next to him, your face a bright shade of pink

When you get to the top again he pulls you in for another kiss, snapping a picture so he can brag to Kunikida

Nikolai:

He was actually the one who suggested you go as he wanted to experience all the festivities with you

After going around and playing the games you suggest going on a ferris wheel

When you get to the front of the line he dramatically bows, gesturing for you to get in first

He sits next to you rather than in front

As you sit next to him he starts rambling, asking you random questions while you quietly listen, responding to his questions if they happen to make any sense

You suggest kissing at the top of the ride and he instantly agrees, thinking it would be like something out of a romance movie

He leans forward, cradling your jaw with his hand as he locks lips with you, the lights in the night sky illuminating both your features perfectly

He pulls you in again, taking a picture of the two of you before taking more with you in various poses

Ranpo:

After seeing posters advertising the local amusement park with pictures of the various snacks there he asked you to go

Once he's gotten something to eat, he doesn't particularly care where you want to go and just happily follows along

You take him to a line for a ferris wheel and he's quick to complain that its moving too slowly

When you finally make it to the front he steps in first, taking the seat opposite you

He boredly stares off to the side, sucking on a lollipop

You pout at him not paying any attention to you so you join him on the other side of the cart, taking the candy out of his mouth and putting it into yours

This catches him off guard but he quicky collects himself, taking the candy back and pulling you into a kiss "I think it tastes better this way" he says with a smirk on his face before going back to eating the candy

Once you get off he drags you to another snack stand since he finished his candy on the ride

Chuuya:

He immediately agreed to go with you to the amusement park, he was willing to do nearly anything if it would make you happy

As you stand in the line for the ferris wheel you start teasing him, asking if he's sure he's tall enough for the ride

He sits next to you, putting his arm over your shoulders and you lean against him as you both enjoy the view

You look up at him and ask if you can kiss at the top causing a smirk to spread across his face at you being uncharacteristically forward

When you reach the top he lifts your chin up with his finger and locks lips with you, your tongues sweetly moving together, all the worries of real life being washed away in the moment

The smile on his face when you pull away is unbelievably genuine and earnest-- sometimes you can't believe this man is also a port mafia executive

Fyodor:

Thought the idea of going to an amusement park was childish, you were grown adults, not children

If you tell him it'll really make you happy if he goes with you, he'll go when he can spare the time

He isn't a fan of the noise and children running around but he sucks it up for you

Has no problem going on the ferris wheel with you; anything to get away from those bratty kids

He sits across from you, crossing his legs as he blankly looks off to the side

Honestly he didn't really get the appeal of the ride but he did enjoy how you looked so happy while watching the scenery

You suggest kissing at the top and he agrees, he didn't care about PDA, if people cared, screw them

He also recalled a few peoples eyes lingering too long for his liking on you so this would be a good opportunity to show them you were taken

He pulls you to his side before leaning towards you, pressing his lips to yours as his hands held onto your waist

He bit your lip as he pulled away and started trailing kisses down your neck

Only when your neck was covered in a few obvious purple marks did he pull away, pleased with both his work and your reaction

[elizais]

Hello how are you? Have you drunk water today? stay hydrated!!

Anyway, I wanted to ask for chuuya x reader where she has light pink or lilac hair and loves colorful things like different accessories, trinkets in her hair, lively clothes, you know? He always dresses up in a cool but beautiful way, and because of his style he attracts attention

i'm good thank you so much for asking!! i wrote them as headcannons xx

chuuya x reader!! cutesy stuff i lovee this request thank you anon! headcannons !

-to start with, he adores your hair colour! the way it perfectly matches you and how you style it perfectly.

-when he first meets you, he is immediately drawn to the way you look. not in a way that he only cares about your appearance but in the way that it is you and he loves everything about you !

-when you begin to start dating, you don't want him buying you anything expensive like necklaces so he settles for the cutest pieces for you.

-sparkly little barrettes are his go to for you, he once bought a clip with pearls and he thought he broke you when he saw your overjoyed reaction.

-whilst he would never admit it, having orange hair wasn't his favourite thing but having someone as cute as you with bright hair made him incredibly happy.

-he can't even express how much he loves when you tie your hair with a ribbon or a bow, seeing you all happy makes him feel like his heart will explode!!!

-not to mention how he dresses in a very sophisticated way, given the PM members all seem to dress very formally but he just likes dressing that way! but the way you contradict his very proper clothing definitely makes the stubborn man more adventurous.

-maybe you're slowly introducing a light pink dress shirt into his wardrobe..

-when you are introduced to everyone at the PM as his partner romantically, how someone who usually came off as grumpy and had a very dark sense of clothing was with you definitely felt like a yin and yang type of dynamic.

-also idk why but when i read the bit about hair colour i had to think about the motorcycle!! he probably used to make the argument that "it's definitely red, [name]." but now he is willing to say its pinky red if that makes you happy.

-maybe like when you come home and see him half asleep, sat on the couch after a stressful day at work he would let you play with his hair.

"[name]?" chuuya asked when his mind registered his hair was being brushed as he was half asleep. his eyes still closed. "yesss?" you asked. "what are you doing?" he grumbled. "dressing up your hair" he could hear the smile in your voice, whilst this was not his preferred activity if he could sleep as you done it he was more than happy. chuuya responded with a hum before falling into a light sleep. his hair was decorated with barrettes, bows, small flower clips, and a braid on one side with pins in it. proud of your creation, you stood up and took a photo of your lover with his new hairdo. he wouldn't be able to keep it in forever but kept them in until it was time for actually going to bed. the next day he turns on your phone to check the time on your lock screen to be met with the photo of him.

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

A quick analysis of the new official artwork

Who would've expected haha Time for my first analysis of this year! As always, more underneath the cut ^^

To begin with, Fyodor and Dazai look beautiful here. I’m especially enchanted by Fyodor, because as far as I’m concerned it’s the first time we’ve seen him in colour while he’s wearing his usual outfit, but not his hat and he looks absolutely stunning. I’ve been wishing for a depiction like this and my wishes have been heard. He looks so comfy, I’m jealous. This time his shirt is also a turtleneck and now I have a theory that the shirt is for spring/summer and the turtleneck is for autumn/winter. Dazai of course looks beautiful as well, and I always appreciate it when Harukawa draws his shirt with details such as buttons.

My next observation is concering the screens. They’re obviously meant to represent the prison screens and who’s on whose side. On Fyodor’s side we have Nikolai who has this cheeky smile on his face that reminds me of that time when he asked Fyodor if he already had a plan, but it’s also a very typical facial expression for him, so I wouldn’t pay too much attention to that. Underneath we have Chuuya who has this eyes averted and I think it’s partially because he’s a vampire and partially because he’s not actually on Fyodor’s side. On Dazai’s side we have only one person and that’s Sigma who’s not having the best time.

For the 3 remaining screens I want to start with the 2 on Dazai’s side, because the top one shows a room being targeted and it’s most likely the drowning room as I like to call it (the room where Chuuya and Fyodor are currently drowning) and the bottom one is broken. Now, the broken screen could symbolize many things such as Chuuya leaving his side, but personally I think it’s meant to symbolize Oda who was Dazai’s biggest ally and is now dead therefore he cannot physically impact the outcome any further and can’t switch sides. Both Sigma and Chuuya have switched sides (whether willingly is not important right now), so a broken screen representing Chuuya would mean he can’t come back to Dazai side, but that’s still possible.

I find Fyodor’s top screen more intriguing, because it looks as if it was hacked. It displays the letter R (which may stands for Rats, but also for something entirely different), has 3 stripes (and we have 3 doa members present in Meursault now) and blue and yellow colours, which were probably chosen for the aesthetic purposes, but thise are also the colours of the Ukrainian flag and Nikolai is Ukrainian, so it could be a possible reference if Nikolai plays a really big role in this arc. There’s also one more think I’d like to mention and it’s the black markings on the screen. The top one definitely reminds me of an eye, which is a nice symbol for being observed and the 4 of them are being recorded on CCTV. There’s a possibility of someone who we haven’t met watching them as well. Unfortunately the rest of shapes don’t remind me of anything, but if anyone has any ideas what they could symbolize, I’d love to read them!

Another interesting thing is the yellow line, and it’s a really short point of mine, because it simply reminds me of blood and cutting throat, because of the way it’s drawn and positioned. It runes from one side to the other, connecting the two sides and it’s located directed over Fyodor’s and Dazai’s throats. It could be a strong of fate too, but as we know I always think of the most morbid possibilities first haha

Next thing I’d like to mention are the black creatures in the background. Personally I have 2 theories. The first one is that they’re butterflies, which symbolize rebirth and in the context of bsd being save from death’s door. Them being present could suggest Fyodor and Chuuya surving the drowning room even if that seems impossible, escaping the certain death. My other idea is that they’re moths and moths are known as creatures of the night, so it would fit this eerie picture. Also if butterflies symbolize life, moths could be used as a symbolism of death, and I find this implication interesting since in bsd’s context it could mean a sudden death when someone seems safe. In this case, my bet would be Sigma dying in this arc despite not being a target. But who knows.

Now, let’s look at the bottom of the picture where there are hands reaching out to the two characters. I find it a bit ironic, because both Dazai and Fyodor are known for using their abilities through hands, but not necessarily in a good way. Dazai’s ability nullifies other abilities and Fyodor can kill through touch, so they’re not really people one would want to touch. I wonder if those gestures appeared in the manga beforehand, but I’d have to make an extensive research to try and figure this out, because it first glance they don’t remind me of any particular scenes.

Lastly, there’s the tree in the background that seems like it was taken out of the horror movie. The branches, the tied strings, it all created a spooky vibe, and with the context of the yellow line, I’d also add that it could be a hanging tree.

In conclusion

This is without a doubt one of my favourite official artworks. It looks quite scary for the standards of bsd and it makes it even better. I love how characters are positioned, that Dazai, Nikolai and Sigma look directly at the viewer, and Fyodor looks somewhere else (something very characteristic for him to always be scheming), it created a nice effect and will look gorgeous in print. It has this feeling of symmetry, while also not being perfectly symetrical and that’s something that always brings me joy. Oh, and I also aboslutely adore the colours used here, I nearly forgot to add that haha

[marenhoshifonia]

Heyyyoooo........ What's up pipol?... It's been awhile hasn't it?.... Well, ya gurl has been watching bsd (Bungo Stray Dogs) recently and I've loved the series. So today, I will be posting a fanfic of Chuuya. This will be my first time writing this and hope you guys would love reading it. Now on to the fanfic..

Chuuya Nakahara x Abused Reader

Night falls as Chuuya Nakahara decides to visit one of his regular bars. After a long day of completing his reports, he finally finds the time to unwind at the bar. Upon his arrival, he is greeted by a serene atmosphere within the establishment. The soothing sounds of jazz music fill the air, accompanied by the gentle hum of conversation and the enticing aroma of his favorite spirits.

Taking a seat at the bar counter, Chuuya places his order, which the barista gladly takes, recognizing him as one of their frequent patrons. And who can blame him? The bar's pleasant ambiance and the exquisite selection of wines and liquors are simply irresistible.

One of the reasons Chuuya finds himself returning to this bar time and time again is because of you. From the moment he first set foot in the establishment, he couldn't help but notice you, always sipping on tequila. It seems that, like him, you also seek solace at the bar after a tiring day of work.

Whenever Chuuya visits, he often catches glimpses of you at the counter, seated at a table, or elsewhere in the bar. There is an unspoken connection between the two of you, a silent acknowledgment of each other's presence.

Chuuya finds himself increasingly intrigued by your presence each time he frequents the bar. Although he hasn't had the opportunity to strike up a conversation with you yet, there is a mutual understanding that both of you are drawn to this place for a reason. Perhaps it is the shared desire for a glass or two of wine that brings you together each night.

One evening, as Chuuya was on the verge of entering the bar, he had a premonition that something was about to occur. Over the past few nights, he had noticed you appearing melancholic or lost in deep contemplation. Upon entering the bar, he ordered his usual wine and took a seat.

While surveying the surroundings, he spotted you at one of the tables, and observed a stranger attempting to grab your arm. The man appeared sober and was seemingly trying to flirt with you. However, witnessing your distressed reaction, Chuuya promptly rose from his seat and made his way towards your table.

"Excuse me," Chuuya firmly grasped the man's arm, the very arm that held onto you, as he whispered audibly for the man to hear. "Harassing a defenseless and innocent lady is not behavior befitting a gentleman, particularly if you wish to avoid any unpleasant consequences."

"What the hell?" The man turned to face Chuuya, bewildered by his sudden intervention. "Get lost! You have no business here!"

"Now, now, tough guy. I have no tolerance for troublemakers who possess the audacity to cause harm others," Chuuya tightened his grip on the man's arm, issuing a warning.

"If you refuse to release her and stop bothering the lady over there, I will not hesitate to break your arm." He paused, intensifying the pressure on the man's arm. "...in an instant."

Frustrated, the man clicked his tongue and reluctantly released you. "Fine, I'll leave."

As the man retreated, nursing his sore arm, Chuuya shifted his attention towards you, noticing the relief evident in your expression.

"Are you alright, miss?" he inquired, his gaze meeting yours, accompanied by a gentle smile and a sense of gratitude.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for coming to my aid," you responded, returning his smile.

"By any chance, do you know that guy? Who was he?"

"He was actually a former colleague of mine after he was terminated for disrespecting one of our clients while attempting to pursue their daughter." You responded in a monotone and disdainful manner, stating that he was subsequently blacklisted by your company and others. "He later placed blame on me for able to secure employment, which resulted in the situation you just witnessed and handled."

Chuuya listened to your account with a sigh. "What a *sshole! It seems he is facing the consequences he deserves."

"By the way, I haven't properly introduced myself," you said, realizing your oversight. Standing up, you continued, "My name is (Y/n) (L/n). It's a pleasure to meet you, and I sincerely thank you for your assistance."

"I'm Chuuya. Chuuya Nakahara," he introduced himself with a smile. "Don't mention it; I'm just glad you're alright. Say, (Y/n), why not join me for a glass of wine? Perhaps some tequila? It's my treat to brighten up your evening."

"Well, surprise me. Judging by your expertise, I'm sure you'll choose something delightful," you replied, smiling at his offer.

He smirked and called the barista, placing an order for his favorite wine to share with you. As the night progressed, the two of you engaged in conversation, and before long, a friendship blossomed into a romantic relationship. Every night, you would meet at the bar, becoming drinking buddies and enjoying each other's company.

[amelia201]

The Death of the Moth

Chuuya really likes moths. For no reason. He thinks they are very neat, and he never kills them if they fly into his apartment, just gently nudged them out towards the open door or window.

The way they are kinda ugly if you look at them long enough just makes Chuuya smile.

He likes things like that in general, that conceal their beauty in their repelling nature, in the duality of being both appalling and gorgeous.

The way they always fly to the light, no matter how deadly, doesn’t strike Chuuya as stupid. Actually, he finds it poetic.

Many long nights, when insomnia was his only company, Chuuya spent reading non his phone, or watching something, getting annoyed at a few moths that flew inside his room and towards the screen.

It was the only source of light in the dark room, so of course they did. After a while, he began to consider it adorable.

What makes it a bit more difficult is that Osamu doesn’t like them at all. Hates the little insects, for no real reason. When Dazai once again kicked the door open back into his life and heart, Chuuya expected anything, but the fact that Osamu would hunt down “Chibi’s little friends” in an attempt to kill them. He said he didn’t like bugs in his flat, which sounded hilarious, considering he just stayed over one night and never left, somehow getting the impression that he now lived with Chuuya.

Not that Nakahara really did anything to stop him. He enjoyed having the long bean poke around him, waking up next to his lanky frame, and watch him be at peace for the few precious moments in the morning.

But he had to find a way to become friends with Chuuya’s moths.

Nakahara always got mad at him for killing them, he couldn’t understand it.

“Why can’t you just let them be!? They aren’t hurting you!»

Not expecting such a reaction, Dazai put the magazine down which he was using a weapon, and looked at Chuuya in a strange way.

They’re bugs, Chuuya. They’re tiny and annoying, and they fly to my phone and my face.”

“I find them pretty. And you can’t kill something living just because you find them annoying!”

Dazai was about to argue more, but the expression of Chuuya’s face was so dreadfully sad that Dazai grew worried it was about something more than little insects for him.

Nakahara didn’t really know himself what it was about. They were helpless, tiny little creatures, not exactly hated, but smashed at the earliest inconvenience. There was something about the cruelty of it that made his stomach turn, even though those were just moths.

He wasn’t insane. There was no chance he’d cry over a dead moth as he went to bed, or be upset at Dazai for killing them for longer than a few hours. So why was he getting so heated now?

Dazai, don’t kill them anymore.” Chuuya looked down, coming closer to Dazai, and taking his hand still looking away.

“Why?”

“Because I like them and I’m asking you not to, ‘Samu. Please.»

Somewhat stupefied from how sincere and sad Chuuya sounded, he just gripped the hand oh hit dear hatrack tighter and nodded.

“Alright. Alight, Chuuya, I won’t. Don’t be upset, alight?”

Instead of an answer, Nakahara just pressed his face into Dazai’s chest, hugging him.

That night, Chuuya had a dream, of a house somewhere really far away. Cicadas were singing throughout the hot July, somewhere in the darkness as his parents and him were sitting on the porch, enjoying the quiet night.

Bright lanterns illuminated the wooden construction, no real fire in them, only electricity, and the little insects flying around them, drawn to the light.

Moths, too, big and beautiful, and his little young self feeling happy. Safe.

Chuuya looked at the faces of the people he thought were his parents, but they disappeared like smoke. Seconds later, he woke up, somewhat jolted awake.

He was in his bed, with Osamu next to him, leaning against the bedrest and reading something on his phone, waving his hand at a moth that flew right to it.

“Sorry, Chibi, did I wake you?”

It was still odd to hear Dazai be this kind to him, and in the remnants of his slumber, Chuuya just gazed at his quizzically.

“You said not to kill them, but they are mightily annoying. I smashed my hand on the wall trying to have them leave me alone.”

Nakahara wasn’t sure what the feeling that he felt in that moment was. All he did was instantly crawl closer to Dazai, wrap his hands around him and gently kiss his cheek.

The gesture didn’t come as a surprise, but Dazai already surmised something with up with his partner.

“You alright, Chuuya?”

“I just had a dream…»

Oh…” Dazai’s voice dropped a few octaves to sound lusty. “What kind of a dream?”

The response was aight punch to his side.

“Not THAT kind of a dream, idiot. Just… I think it was a memory. From before…”

Chuuya didn’t finish. He didn’t want to talk about it, and out of all people in the world, Dazai would most certainly understand that sentiment. He never had to try and be something that he wasn’t with Osamu, not anymore, and lying in bed being held by him after an odd dream was a sufficient show of trust.

“Chibi, your moths…”

Thank you. Thank you for letting them be. I’d really hate to see them dead.”

[madraleen]

Bungo Stray Dogs - Kafka Asagiri/Sango Harukawa Volume 1: An Introductory Commentary Or: The One Where I Slowly Lose My Mind Over Dazai's Character Design (*anime spoilers)

-going into the manga and having glimpsed at a few panels here and there, i have two questions re: the characters: 1) will i even recognize them visually??? 2) will we get along, manga babies? i wonder. (*my affection for an anime doesn't automatically transfer to the manga and vice versa. they work as separate entities)

-"my name is atsushi, and certain circumstances have left me at death's door." i laughed.

-still on atsushi, he's very compelling. even if i didn't know him, it's one of those manga openings that would make me pay attention.

-yeah no, i would absolutely not recognize dazai if it weren't for his clothes. how is he so different in the anime? this will be interesting.

-ah, yes, "you stupid oaf." kunikida's love language

-oh thank god, the translation keeps the honorifics.

-you just want to pet atsushi's little head, he's so baby

-the fact that atsushi tries to CRAWL out of the teahouse (or walk in all fours if you will, like oh i don't know, a tiger)

-don't point at people, dazai, you're scary as it is

-no, seriously though, how did we get from manga dazai to anime dazai design-wise? like, kunikida and atsushi ARE kunikida and atsushi. dazai is not.

-atsushi just trauma dumping right and left. i love him.

-dazai: "i find no joy in embracing other men." also dazai in dead apple: "here, chuuya, rest on my crotch will i hold your head protectively."

-i'm only on ch1, but i don't find manga dazai having the charm of anime dazai, which is SO INTERESTING TO ME! i love it when the anime and the manga are basically the same but basically different! i wonder, would i even like him if i'd read the manga first?? will i grow to like him?? SO MANY QUESTIONS, i love it.

-atsushi is adorable. he's the most expressive, that's why i like him.

-"you sorry waste of good bandages." yes yes, kunikida's love language

-"i am lying, but..." ehe. mamoru miyano's delivery of "uso da kedo" is one of my favorite line deliveries ever, and this transfers in the manga 'cause i am reading in the cast's voices

-AHAHA tanizaki in his bomber era! give the man an oscar, smh

-ah, there's that dazai grin :D

-i know why dazai confuses me. because his face is drawn with noticeably less details than most of the other faces. or maybe it's just his hair? it could be just his hair that's not textured, actually. huh? is it that?!

-atsushi covering the bomb with his body actually surprised dazai and anything that surprises dazai gets brownie points, good job jinko.

-I'LL JUST SAY IT, dazai isn't drawn very consistently. those neck bandages keep coming and going, to begin with. there. i said it. blasphemy.

-atsushi is adorable, i want to pinch his lil cheeks. it's alright, bb, these will become your people, they're not as scary as they seem

-AKUTAGAWAAA

-IS dazai so different from the anime or am i confused by the black hair? 'cause the more i read, the more i go, "oh yeah, that's dazai." am i getting used to the design or is it just the black hair, i don't understand. either way, i’ve reached "i want to protect dazai from everything that hurts him including from himself (mainly from himself), but also, i want to slap him around like kunikida does" territory, which is a fair dazai assessment i think

-i find it incredibly cool that higuchi ties up her hair before she starts to fight. incredibly cool.

-oh, the butts-up pose is an anime thing?

-tanizaki, in training for murder since volume 1. with his bare hands no less.

-yeah, i don't know how it'll go in the manga, but in the anime akutagawa coughed A LOT in the beginning, and then he just stopped.

-the angles on akutagawa's panels, they make him look so deranged :D

-akutagawa's face is fascinating

-akutagawa: a feral mafia dog. a ruthless killer. a merciless predator akutagawa with dazai: a kitten.

-where do these people live though, the ada people? do they all live in agency dorms, do they have apartments somewhere? i need to know.

-is "man-tiger" jinko? anime's "were-tiger"? yeah.

-oh! postscript from the characters! ah! fun! PLEASE LET IT CONTINUE

-BANDAGED DAZAI LIKE A HALF-BAKED MUMMY! ATSUSHI OMG

[chuyua]

“ unlike you and your shitty job, i get to actually rest. ” and then he stared at his ex - partner as if he'd uttered something indiscriminately moronic, expression dead — slack jaw, eyes glowering at him as if he had the urge to lobotomize him with his favorite dagger. chuuya was never a particularly violent person by nature, not by a sadistic means, but dazai had a spectacular knack for pushing his buttons, and then ripping them off bit by bit until his sanity was practically nonexistent. “ open up to you ? ” tone filled with incredulity, disbelief staining his features as he scoffed, placing the opener down and instead leaning over the counter, shoulders heightened and arms locked under his weight. “ this isn't a bondin' session, asshole. i'm not tryin'a confess my thoughts and write them down in glitter ink or whatever the fuck you're proposing, dazai. ” open up ? ridiculous. he figured he'd just laugh at him, poke fun at the situation. and if chuuya were any better with detaching his feelings, he'd agree that'd it was foolish of himself.

attention flickered to the unopened bottle already waiting for him on the island, and he snatched it lazily, effortlessly forcing the cork out without the opener. he'd forgone the glass, and sure as hell wasn't planning on sharing. taking a sip, he walked back towards the living room, bumping into the table and mini sofa on the way, countenance in an ever - resting state of bitterness and half - worn snarls. “ y'lucky i don't have the fuckin' energy to kick you out. ” free hand sprung out to aggressively slap his legs off the end of the couch and promptly sat in the empty space, sinking in. the wine bottle rested over his lap, digits wrapped around the neck of it rather securely. he'd finish a bottle already and still hardly felt the effects. eyes shut, a drawn - out exhale leaving his lungs as if he'd been needing to do that all day. “ the woman i was seein' ... not seein' her anymore. ” was all he said in regard to the situation, eyes peeking open to steal a glance his way. “ happy ? ”

it should have been widely noted, that if there was somewhere dazai wanted to be, he would always find a way inside. he'd always taken quite a shine to chuuya's apartment, thought that it really brought out his inner . . . tortured artist, but some improvements could always be made — such as moving all of his furniture four inches to the left, which made even dazai feel unbalanced, and rearranging his ornaments from one room to another as he anticipated chuuya's imminent arrival, ending up sprawled on his sofa. his ex - partner's initial lack of a reaction was completely dissatisfying, and made the entire affair feel like a waste of time. though dazai was persistent as ever, and resorted to asking the same wretched question over the music he assumed had been put on in an attempt to drown him out. again, and again, and again, and again, and again. until finally, he got the reaction he'd craved, the anger he'd nurtured a live wire for him to walk across.

in wake of the force that chuuya had sprung from the sofa with, the pillow he'd been leaning on fell atop dazai's face, he pushed it off and in the process rose up to sit back on his elbows, sinking into the sofa but nonetheless peeking over the top of it to watch the little firecracker in the kitchen, wickedly satisfied smile upturning the corners of his lips where he couldn't see, but evident in his tone, drawn out and spirited. “ woah, watch where you point that thing, you could take out an eye. ” he was too far for it to be of any real concern. “ don't you? ” dazai challenged to his later question, shifting further to slump half of his upper - body cross the back of the sofa, arms dangling. “ i guess i have always been the better leader, my underlings don't need their hands held. ” not strictly true, if his fifteen messages from atsushi were anything to go by. the job he'd passed over wasn't at all difficult, but dazai's directions maybe left something to be desired — eh, he'd figure it out. “ then, are you going to open up to me, chuuya? want me to guess? i'm good at guessing. ”

[chuuyrr]

Gojo reader comforting Dazai about what’s underneath his bandages.Or Gojo reader comforting Chuuya about “not being” human,in both scenario’s she is obviously accepting of it no matter how much they doubt it.

upon the tainted sorrow & no longer human — bsd x gojo! reader

masterlist of infinity

╰➤ CW(s): possible spoilers for stormbringer (bsd light novel) and dark era, mentions of suicide and self-harm on dazai's part, and major themes of hurt and fluffy comfort

╰➤ SYNOPSIS: in which your dearly beloved struggles with their inner demons, but you're there to comfort and wholeheartedly accept them no matter what.

╰➤ PAIRING(s): dazai osamu, chuuya nakahara (separately)

before you read: i read from somewhere how dazai and chuuya's abilities kind of talk about each other's past. also, lemme know if this new theme is better than the old one, and if you got the (somewhat) references i put into this.

upon the tainted sorrow — dazai osamu

the reason i love you is you being you, just you.

dazai was an enigma, and he still was. sure, there were many things you didn't know about him, but even without your six eyes, you're no stranger to the mask he wears; the fake smiles, laughter, and his jokes about committing double suicide with you.

although his eyes sparkled and his hands were warm as they held you, they couldn't conceal the emptiness, the black hole embedded in his heart, or the sadness beneath his bandages.

and the thing was, even when you two got together, your boyfriend never really told you much about his past, but you were quick to tell what dazai had been through. after all, the eyes were the window to the soul.

every time he tried to take his breath away, your curiosity and genuine concern grew. although dazai liked to make it light for every failed attempt, it was still heart wrenching for you, and although you never expressed it properly, mostly probably out of fear, you were scared that one day, dazai would become successful and he'd be gone. nonetheless, despite your fear of him, you loved him.

right now, it past midnight. you were supposed to be asleep under the covers with your boyfriend by now, but you were wide awake. you couldn't get your mind off what had just happened. you had just returned from tokyo, specifically from your organization, and were on your way home to your boyfriend's when he attempted again, but this time it was different.

he had gotten a little closer to death's door today, and you can only imagine what lies beneath his bandages as a result. after that, dazai didn't let you see anything. with a smile and a laugh, he simply shrugged it off as another failed attempt. you remembered seeing what was underneath when he got tangled up in the same bandages he was trying to change, and dazai was quiet for the first time.

dazai felt the demons inside his head come after him and flood it with thoughts because of the way you were staring at him with those bare heaven-sent eyes of yours as you changed his bandages and cleaned him up, but if only dazai knew that wasn't the case. you were staring for an entirely different reason.

you simply couldn't find the right words right now. your attention was drawn to what was painting his skin; the sorrow tainting him, and as he became tainted by sorrow, you knew how he languidly lingered on dreams of death.

so there you were, clutching the blanket, staring at the bandages that were still adorning dazai's arms and neck while he was still wearing his pajamas, wondering if you should have said something after you had cleaned and bandaged him up because after that, you two just went to bed in silence, pretending nothing had happened at all.

"[name]?"

when you heard your boyfriend's voice, your eyes widened in surprise. dazai was no longer facing you with his back to you, but had turned around and looked you in the eyes.

"yes?" you asked in a murmur, blinking.

dazai responded, eyes widening, "you're crying."

your cheeks were damped as you reached for your face, and it was only then that you realized your field of vision was also blurry due to the tears welling up in your crystalline blue six eyes.

oh.

"it's nothing," you said calmly, not bothering to wipe your tears away as you closed your eyes, adding a quick lie as a cover up, "just a bad dream, that's all."

"you had been awake all night, belladonna. i highly doubt you were dreaming at all," dazai stated matter-of-factly, running his fingers through your hair, his eyes softening at the sight of you crying quietly.

damnit. of course, your boyfriend is aware. dazai never sleeps, especially not when his demons keep him awake.

you remained silent for a moment, but only until dazai spoke up again, a small frown on his features, "is it because of earlier? if that's the case, i'm sorry.."

you bit your tongue for a second before opening your eyes to gaze into his, a small smile twitching on your lips as you outstretched your hand toward his bandaged arm, "hey, i love you, you know that, right?"

"of course i do, belladonna," dazai chuckled softly, wrapping his free bandaged arm around your waist and pulling you closer to his embrace beneath the covers.

you shook your head, causing him to furrow his brows and let out a confused hum, "huh?"

"i don't just love you, osamu," you clutched his bandaged arm as you buried your face deeper into his warm yet cold embrace, "i love you no matter what; no matter what you have or may have beneath your bandages."

as he held you in his embrace, you felt dazai stiffen and unconsciously squeeze you. your eyes widened slightly as you felt something wet dampen your hair as he buried his face in it, but you kept going.

"you don't have to be honest with me all the time, but I just want you to know that I'll be here," you continued, smiling to yourself.

"tell me, [name]," dazai's voice was shaky and incredibly soft, almost like a whisper, but desperate and longing, "why do you stay?"

"because i want to, osamu. i want to be with you, always," you drew back just enough to face him, gently taking his hand and cupping your own face, "and i accept everything that makes you who you are—i love you."

"no matter what, [name]?" dazai asked softly, pressing his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, "do you really mean that?"

"it's a promise, osamu," you leaned your forehead against his, closing your eyes, but not before turning your head to kiss his wrist, pressing your lips against his bandages.

your face was squished by his larger hand as he pulled it away from your lips, and the next thing you knew, you and dazai were laughing ever so sortly, with him kissing your face as he held you tightly. that night, the stars shone brighter.

no longer human — nakahara chuuya

your beauty never ever scared me

you and chuuya had something in common: you were both cursed in some way. you both had something that made you not quite human. so, knowing how you had your own demons, you weren't a stranger to the ones your boyfriend was dealing with.

it didn't take long in your relationship with him to discover that he was a vessel for a god named arahabaki, and that this fact caused him to question his humanity.

chuuya, in fact, never hid anything from you and was very open about it, especially when he discovered your six eyes and blood-relationship to sugawara michizane because you two shared a kind of inhumanity in a way. he did feel less lonely as a result of it.

even so, it was a constant struggle for chuuya, especially when he had to use corruption, the very manifestation of his ability and the god for whom he serves as a vessel, arahabaki. despite the fact that chuuya has no reason to be afraid of you getting hurt because your limitless ability always protects you, he can't help but be afraid of him hurting you and making you fear of him.

but most of all, the feeling of not being human; of not being qualified as a human, of being a disgrace, that washes over chuuya after corruption always gets him, and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

you had just returned home to the penthouse you shared with chuuya when you decided to relocate to yokohama despite the fact that your work was in tokyo. it was a little late, considering it was already past three a.m. you stepped inside the dimly lit environment, exhausted as you removed your heeled boots.

you were on your way to the kitchen to grab a snack or two before washing up and joining chuuya under the covers in bed to finally get some sleep when you noticed him on the balcony.

you immediately changed your path and went towards him, where you saw him leaning against the glass railing, eyes seemingly vacant as he held a cigarette between his fingers and puffed out some smoke.

you were familiar with that expression, and if there was another thing you knew about chuuya, it was his penchant for smoking when he was upset. even if you weren't the type to drink or smoke, you didn't mind his vices. in fact, you were more concerned with chuuya himself personally.

"still awake?" you swallowed and cleared your throat. your voice was able to drag him back to reality.

chuuya turned to face you, his eyes widening in surprise as he noticed you standing right beside him, now leaning against the railing. you smiled at him, relieved to see him return to you in some way, and said softly, "hi, darling."

"couldn't sleep," chuuya sighed before putting out his cigarette. normally, he'd embrace you and smother you in kisses and affection, but he couldn't hold you or even touch you right now.

"chuuya?" you asked softly, gently removing your blindfold to reveal your six eyes to him.

"such nice things as a heart don't suit me..." said chuuya, staring at you with a lost, despondent gaze. your gaze was drawn to his trembling gloved hands.

you approached him, taking his hands in yours gently. to comfort him, you entwined your hands with his and rubbed circles on his knuckles. chuuya's breaths paused, but you continued your actions, this time removing his gloves, causing his eyes to widen slightly as they met yours.

"you once told me that these gloves give you a sense of restraint, a sense of attachment to the life you live—i could say the same thing," you chuckled softly, "i have to cover my six eyes to stay human."

while the gloves are for chuuya, wearing a blindfold or even sunglasses gives you a sense of restraint. when it came the two of you, it meant only one thing: you and chuuya were no longer enjoying the rush of a battle the moment you unveiled yourselves, and you two genuinely needed to defend yourselves. in other words, because you two are attached to your life.

"but to say such things as a heart don't suit you? i don't think so," you shook your head, gently pressing your lips against his knuckles.

"i'm not human, [name], and i never will be..." chuuya found himself unconsciously gripping your hands as he closed his eyes.

"i'm not human either, not with these six eyes and limitless, but we can always try, chuuya," you elicited a surprised look from him as he found himself relaxing as he heard your words.

"we can still be human together, even if we're both cursed with our blessings," you watched him lift his head, staring into your heaven-sent eyes that were giving him so much light and hope, "our blessings are not our fault."

chuuya's lips trembled as he shook his head, "but i'm not like you.. i can still hurt you. i can't be human even if i try, [name].."

"i'm not afraid of you or what you possess, and i never will be, chuuya," you exclaimed, releasing his hands and placing both of yours on each side of his face, gently cupping it, "and i will always love and accept you for who you are."

you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his, tasting the minty tobacco that was encapsulated by his lips and tongue. chuuya's arms snaked around you, tightening around you and deepening the kiss. as chuuya pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you drew back just enough to catch your breaths.

you closed your eyes, chuuya's lips grazing into a genuine smile as you softly giggled,

"your beauty never ever scared me, chuuya."

[ author's notes — i don't usually write anything at the end of my works, but i just wanna say, thank you for reading until the very end of this post! i know i haven't been consistently updating, and i'm sorry for that. school's being a pain in the ass and i've been stressed out lately that i haven't been able to write anything. so much has been going on from finals works, incoming college entrance exams and research proposal defense and needing to review harder at the same time as resulted into me sleeping late only to wake up and attend class and tire myself again :P it sucks so much that i'm just gaslighting myself that i'm actually getting enough sleep and doing great. sigh. so, if you're still here, sticking around, still reading my works, thank you. just thank you <3 ]

[swrdemon-moved]

— 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓.

{ chuuya nakahara x gn!reader }

▪︎ genre: scenario ; angst

▪︎ warnings: implications of sex, profanity, vague descriptions of manipulation

▪︎ word count: 2K

"Chuuya?"

Despite the deadpan tone of your voice, you thought about the way his name slipped out of your dried lips whenever you were stuck in your daily contentions against him, and how it made the insides of your throat blister with scorching rage. You stared back at his impassive gaze through empty eyes— black and white flashbacks of how good things were back when you actually loved each other flickering through your mind like repetitive, distorted glitches.

Streaks of purple and orange marked the sky as the evening continued to wear on. You rested your elbow on the rim of the balcony, gaze still attached to him as you waited for his expression to blink into concern at your voice saying his name that way. It didn't. That was a little too much to expect from him by now. He had a cigarette locked in between his lips, the soft breeze readily blowing away the tufts of smoke escaping the rod. Eyes stuck on you with a bored expression drawn on his face, he waited for you to say something.

"Did you have something to say?" he prompted, a tinge of impatience already evident in his tone.

There were only a million of reasons your bond decayed like rotten corpses into dried skeletons, so you didn't really know where to start.

Exchanging the little trust you both had left stored in your chests to safekeep was initially promising. Chuuya Nakahara— one of Port Mafia's finest— was all yours. You had his attention, his adoration, and his utmost devotion welded to the tips of your fingers. You knew him like the back of your hand— what he liked, what he disliked, what he loved, and what he abhorred.

Likewise, you were his to treasure, too. He didn't like sharing. He made sure to spoil you until you were drunk in gratification, and ravished every inch of your skin with desire and worship at every single chance he got.

You were so drastically in love with each other that the mere thought of the other's permanent absence made your stomachs churn in nauseating disgust. At least, it used to. You made him feel so fucking alive; he didn't know what else was more enthralling than the feel of your teeth sinking on his bottom lip when you were kissing. He didn't bother searching for the thrill from having you stammer in bliss as he marked every bit of your skin with sweet kisses and ravenous lovebites elsewhere. You were right where you wanted him to be— whether it was laying on his chest after a long day or writhing in pleasure from underneath his body— you were all his.

Life was gray, black, and maroon paint splattered on a piece of paper; formless bodies of these mundane shades barely made room for the unpainted blank spaces representing unanswered questions, or questions you didn't want to answer in the first place. There was a messy scribble of lines that formed in the centre ever since you started giving him pieces of your heart, bit by bit, ever since your breath started to tremble at the honeyed words he whispered into your ear in the dead of night or at the crack of dawn— lines which started to outline the entire picture with precision and clarity to provide a clearer distinction between the differing colours. You didn't understand what the painting meant; you were more focused on who managed to make it that way.

But there was a difference between being in love with the feeling a person made you feel and being in love with the person themselves. No one spoke about how hard it was to register the recognition of that contrast; maybe it was meant to be learned the hard way, because maybe some of us were too stubborn to deprive ourselves of the things we thought gave us fulfilment.

You remembered all those sleepless nights, the nights you kept him close to your chest so he'd stop restlessly turning and tossing in the agony of being perpetually sleep-deprived. Your fingers would find his auburn locks of hair to sink themselves into, making his heart thump under the undying narcotic effect of having his body held so close to yours.

He thought back to all the times the two of you spent intimate moments on this same balcony overlooking the city's dazzling skyline— sharing cigarettes over conversations, smoking joints until you couldn't feel your fingertips, drinking alcohol only to end up falling asleep on each other, kissing each other's lips until they were swollen with contentment.

But that was before your shells of invulnerability were shed; that was before the picturesque aspects of your connection became corrupted by the disenchanting, raw reality of trusting someone just because they had something to offer.

You recalled all those times he raised his voice at you. Sparks of fury charring his blue eyes every time you opened your mouth to scream back, the two of you not even trying to filter your words when it came to arguments. Even though the words he spat out felt like shards of glass slicing through your palm, and despite the way your aggravated voice felt like live cigarette buds putting themselves out on his raw skin, the double-edged antipathy you built up for each other never failed to tumble out of your lips like a rainstorm of bullets until your voices were hoarse with overuse.

He looked back to all those mornings he was held hostage to your ice-slated silence, the nights before housing the indelible memories of bitter words, the sound of fists colliding with walls, and the occasional shriek of a flower vase or glass falling the ground. He hated how you were so skillful in making him so angry by not saying anything. He hated how your silence tugged at his ribcage to the brink of breaking his very ribs apart, almost letting his lungs release a rage-twisted scream he wanted to keep leashed. And to top it all off, he hated how you knew what you were doing to him.

You recollected those unwanted evocations of having him break your trust. By this time, your mind was constantly plagued by the fear of having him use your vulnerability against you again. He had done it— countless times— and he seemed unafraid to do it again ever since the word 'trust' became a splintered cubicle of glass the two of you were trapped in. You hated how his anger went against his word. You could trust him with every fiber in your being, but whenever his temper got the worst out of him, his sentences— adamant and unrestrained— were punctuated with resentment that opened up wounds he himself tried to heal for you once upon a time.

Considering the frustrations the two of you already quelled in your chests, the amount of love you had for each other was too weak to triumph over the hatred that was stored within your very bones.

"I don't mean anything to you anymore, don't I?" you asked plainly. His expression softened a little. He usually liked it when you got straight to the point, but this time, not really.

"What's that s'possed to mean?" he asked, even though he knew exactly what you meant.

You averted your gaze to the skyscrapers situated faraway, taking the cigarette bud he had just lent you. You dragged a whiff of smoke straight into your lungs, the way he advised you not to.

"Y/n," he called out, scanning your expression. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," you sighed, turning back to him. "You tell me."

His eyes fell to the ground, mind a blur with a few phrases stuck on the tip of his tongue. "Was it something I said?"

"It was a lot of things you said," you mumbled sarcastically. Fuck. The last thing you needed was to flip the wrong switch in his temper.

"Don't act like a fucking saint now," he chuckled derisively, shaking his head as he looked away. "I'm sick and tired of that crap."

Innately, he really wished he had enough in him to tolerate you. He wasn't supposed to, he knew that, but inwardly, he wished he loved you enough to see through all that.

"I'm not blaming you, Chuuya," you said after a while, skin numb with apprehension. You meant it though. The collapse of your relationship wasn't his fault. Not yours either, as you'd like to think. Some things weren't worth fixing anyway.

But with every heartstring left unsevered in your chest, you wished it weren't that simple.

"It sure as hell sounded like you were," he responded dryly. God, why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut?

"Calm the fuck down," you bit back, but paused before saying anything instigative. You closed your eyes for two seconds.

"I'm not trying to argue with you," you put out calmly.

"Had enough of your share for today, huh?" he asked sarcastically. You laughed airily before replying, "I've had my share for a goddamn lifetime."

The corners of his lips twitched into a small, pained smile.

"Me, too," he added after a while, keeping his gaze away from yours.

The second of blood-sucking silence that followed felt like eternity.

"Guess some things weren't meant to be, huh?" he mumbled lowly, gaze nictating back to you. It was just his piss-poor attempt at making an ironic joke. You smiled.

"You took care of me though," you spoke under your breath. "I'll never forget that."

He was mostly glad you didn't see his expression falter at that statement.

Chuuya liked to fight for things he cared about— it gave him purpose, it gave him meaning, and it fuelled his rage-infused determination like lighting up a trail of benzene right before it vapourised. It took him some time to figure out that maybe some things weren't worth fighting for— not if it gnawed at his veins like poison, not if he could feel his skin wear away like rusting metal, not if it was slowly killing him from the inside.

"You and I know this wasn't meant to last, right?" he stated. "Maybe it's time we moved on."

Your heart fractured at the sound of those words. As much as you longed to hear them for so long, you couldn't ignore the part of you that still wanted this, that still wanted him.

"Move on, huh?" you repeated wistfully. "You know I hate it when you're right."

A short chuckle left his lips.

The sun was setting. The stars were gradually fading into their pinnacle elegance. He looked up and caught a glimpse of a dim star— the dimmest one. It looked like it was dying.

He sighed, slipping his fingers around the fully used cigarette in your hand to press the end of it against the cool metal railing. He brought himself close to you, prompting you to face your entire body to him. Tipping your chin up, he let his other hand trail your spine to initiate a deep, longing, desperate kiss. You melted into his touch, leaning back slightly, slinging your arms around his neck as he tightly held your torso against his. It felt weird not having your breath stutter with his lips on yours like it used to. It was probably because those sparks— or whatever the fuck it was that made you internally fall apart with infatuation at the sheer sight of him— died a long time ago.

"I'm sorry," he muttered as he pulled away, forehead resting on yours, blue eyes piercing your gaze. "I really am."

"Me, too," you whispered back. "But hey, maybe we'll meet again."

He inwardly knew that wouldn't happen. Part of him hoped not, too. He didn't want to put you through all that ever again. Never again. He didn't care if anyone deserved it— he just knew you didn't.

[nikadoesanart]

Dazai in both his PM & ADA clothes

In Chapter 11, we can see Dazai depicted wearing a combination of both his PM and ADA clothing when Chuuya reminds Dazai of his past as the youngest executive in the history of the Port Mafia. I am aware that he is drawn in a similar way in the Vol 3 contents page, but I will be saving that for another time, as he is accompanied by Akutagawa and Chuuya there and I think it's best to analyze that artwork as a whole.

In regards to Dazai’s outfit here being a mix of his ADA and PM ones, overall I think it was done intentionally to show how even though he’s been in the ADA for the last 2 years and defected from the PM 4 years ago, he can’t get rid of his past. He may have been able to literally burn the coat (ch 30, p 15) and create an unbelievably clean record (Entrance Exam p 17, Yen Press translation) but his crimes still followed him, covered up or not. Or another way I’d phrase it would be that he may be on the side that saves people and a better person at heart now, but he can’t shake off his past as it still quite literally clings on to him. Starting with the background, the people and eyes glaring at him could very well be a metaphorical representation of his crimes. For example, it could be some of the people whose deaths he played a part in. It could also be those who were/are supposedly close to him judging him for his decisions and actions as well as how he may likely feel that he is still viewed by society as a monster and "the demonic prodigy of the Port Mafia’s guerrilla squad" (The Heartless Cur, easygoingscans translation) considering that his high intellect alienates him from almost all of society in addition to all of his mafia achievements. After all, he was advised to lay low while his records were made clean for him to even have a chance at being hired by the Agency. For comparison, Fukuzawa’s past occupation isn’t common knowledge to the public and Kyouka’s mafia achievements were an issue at first with her being able to work in the Agency (or really anywhere outside of the mafia). Moving onto Dazai's overall appearance, he looks all disheveled here, as if both the coat and his own physical and mental states are all falling apart and off of him. He’s holding onto the coat like he’s not quite ready to let go of it, likely because his time in the PM is crucial to who he is today. After all, that is when and where he (most likely) met and befriended Oda (as far as we can infer based on existing knowledge in Dark Era, novel version included). Through Odasaku, Dazai found someone who truly understood him and was given a reason to both live and to get rid of his ties to the mafia, which the coat literally represents because he received it from Mori.

Fully leaving his past behind him means leaving Oda in the past and moving on from that part of his life entirely. We know that that is one thing he cannot and likely will not do, even if all he is left with now are small mementos and his memories of that time, including at least a couple of moments that he does treasure. We've seen him hold a Lupin matchbox and even pay the bar a visit right before difficult and risky decisions, and think of Oda when thinking of how he has failed both in the past and in the present or just reflecting in general (when talking with Kyouka on the plane in ch 35, at the end of 55 Minutes, at the end of season 3, and when discussing his views on why things happen with Fyodor in ch 77, etc).

Even in this panel alone, his facial expression clearly shows that he is far from pleased to be depicted and referred to this way and we now know that he was at his absolute lowest, mental health-wise, at age 16 during Storm Bringer (at least as far as we currently know of his past). (Creds to @emmacifer for pointing these two details out) Admittedly, my knowledge for understanding body language is fairly limited, but regardless, look at specifically how and where Dazai is holding onto the coat. His right hand is in his pocket and with his left hand he’s gripping onto what appears to be the area just between the parts of the coat that are in the armpit and lung areas (idk how else to describe it). If you try grabbing your own shirt or jacket in that same spot, you will feel some of the pull on the fabric in your shoulder, almost as if Dazai is trying to create or maybe even recreate this feeling in a more visible way to represent Oda's last words giving him a reason to leave and go towards the side that saves people, or his desire to escape from feeling inhuman. In regards to Dazai having his left hand in his pocket, and because Dazai specifically has his thumb out, that means high confidence (source 2).

(If you do know more about reading body language, I'd love to hear your input on this panel! The stuff about his right hand is purely my own speculation and interpretation vs the part about his left is based on what I read in the linked source) Coming back now to how he is dressed specifically in this panel, Dazai is wearing his coat/overcoat and bandages from his PM days and his vest, shirt, and pendant that he wears now in the ADA. In other words, he is currently on the side that saves people (the ADA) at heart, but he still wears his past on top of that. The weight of his actions, especially as a PM executive, outweigh his accomplishments under the ADA, especially once his crimes and past do get revealed. He is quite literally wearing the source of his (currently known) pain and suffering on top of everything else because that ultimately did play a large factor in shaping him as a person. Both the countless injuries he's sustained in exchange for his achievements (represented by the bandages) as well as the cause of the mental abuse and manipulation he was subject to under Mori (represented by the coat).

Additional sources and credits:

Meaning of hands in pockets Meaning of hands in pockets 2 (the one I used) Huge thank you to Zae, aka BSDiseverything on Twitter for helping to find where Dazai’s demon prodigy nickname is from (I literally reread half of Dark Era by this point and started checking the dark era anime)