#and the tldr of the difference from other tsunderes is that

[felikatze]

harriet is to me very interesting as the obligatory tsundere because she breaks tradition in that regard

yes she has the short temper and is easily flustered, but a tendency with tsunderes (especially in more low-brow anime) is that she will be in some way superior to the protagonist and lord that over him. also slapstick violence! because, you know, violence is funny if its against men /s

initially harriet is a classist ass because she's born with a silver spoon in her mouth and she is completely used to everyone bowing to her talent and status. she gets to have this haughty persona because she's never been challenged before.

thus, she is easily flustered when she is challenged. reinhardt can get through her defenses so easily because he simply does not give a shit. he does not care about her status at all. (at least, he pretends not to care outwardly, but that's another can of worms).

Harriet is flustered because he is so far below her standards that she cannot fathom how he could do this. so she walls off and calls him an idiot which he also does not care about because he just throws it right back.

rich noble talented harriet is called an idiot by a beggar. of course she's angry.

(he just likes metaphorically pulling on her pigtails cuz her pouting face is cute. she is a wet kitten in a cardboard box.)

harriet learns that sometimes, there will be people she can't plead status to (like her father, or bertus) and people who will ignore her status (reinhardt, and basically all temple staff)

he forces her to interact like an equal for the first time in her life. she's all bluster. so she only manages to change their dynamic and gain his respect when she starts showing actual skills. ykno. accomplishments by her own merits.

i feel like this is first really seen in the fuckin. what's it called. king of the jungle arc. where she started learning useful small magic instead of just spell of huge explosion, which ends up having way more utility for the whole thing. like underwater breathing. or spell of flashlight. and then she does end up being one of the last people still in the game!

and even later then that. after the darklands arc she grows closer to her class bcuz reinhardt is too busy trying to cope with ptsd. and there we already see character development from her because in this situation where reinhardt is obviously struggling mentally she forgoes her usual banter and instead just has an emotionally honest conversation with him. and they do bond! as equals!

i do actually understand how her embarrassment from reinhardt's teasing would evolve into a crush? because again he's the first person to challenge her. it's not just love at first sight. he challenges her to be better.

again, he's the person who needles her into learning magic based on its utility and not the prestige of the spell. he's the one who shows off her skills to her classmates in the jungle arc. he's good at making other people better themselves. it's vry understandable for someone to want recognition from a person who does that.

and after the beach arc, where again, they have an emotional conversation and actually bond and show each other respect, their dynamic takes a definite shift.

harriet starts teasing him back. and he hates it. instead of attacking his own lack of status, she starts firing back his variety of insults, namely questioning his actions and motivations whenever she can, and now he's on the backfoot in conversation.

after a moment without teasing, its now full force from both sides, and shows off the utter truth;

they're both tsunderes. and always have been.

[trashcan3001]

They aren't the same at all, lol

I keep seeing people trying to compare Wind Breaker and Tokyo Revengers for some reason. The only thing they have in common is a focus on kids who are delinquents.

They are different in every other way, so here are simplified plots so you can go and read/watch whichever one you like lol. (If you don't like one, don't interact with it, isn't life so nice when you are in control of what you see? :P):

Tokyo Revengers: Time travel fix it where the main character goes back in time to save his middle school girlfriend from a death via gang violence in the future. Realizes something else is amiss when the perpetrator is just a normal dude as a kid and ends becoming his friend. As the plot moves forward, it is clear that the gangs he and his new friends are fighting with are being created specifically to make his new friend a bad person and he needs to stop them. Or are they? It seems the power to time travel isn't as simple as he thought and by the end of the plot it is this supernatural phenomenon that becomes the deciding factor in if the future will be happy for all and not just some.

Main character is not a good fighter, eats punches like a champ though and literally refuses to back down even when he looks ready to die via blood loss, is kind and compassionate and cares deeply for all the people he becomes friends with and grows stronger as he continues on his time travel shenanigans, packing strength readers will be very proud of.

The time travel is the main feature of the plot, not the gang fighting. The gang fights is actually a part of the time travel things as the first main antagonist created these fights for their own agenda.

Manga is finished anime has completed its third season

Wind Breaker: Main Character enrolls in a delinquent school to prove that he is strong and can get the top dog spot even on his own. Gets a reality check when it turns out the students of this school are loved by the town because they take care of the common folk by taking out the gangs that are running rampant. Main character, having a bad past where they were always alone, now gains friends and learns that he doesn't have to be alone and that he isn't the unlovable thing the world tried to make him out to be. Journey with him and his first year team as they battle with the gangs on the streets to keep people safe and grow as people.

Main character is a very good fighter who has a mild form of albinism(I think) where only a part of his hair and only one eye is affected. This made people in his past treat him terribly and thus he learned to fight or he would be hurt instead. He is a tsundere in the most non annoying way (I was shocked that I liked him that much!). He is kind but due to his past and social anxiety, he has a hard time understanding people liking him and their compliments. He learns over time.

The gangs and school delinquency is the main focus of the plot as it is in joining this school and gang and fighting for others that makes the plot move forward.

Manga is still going and anime only just started

TLDR: Tokyo revengers is about time travel fixing things, gang stuff is just the backdrop where this happens. Wind Breaker is about getting to the top of a literal delinquent school, making friends and growing as a person is the consequence of this school situation.

They are not the same, so watch/read both or one or none, just know what your getting into before complaining lol.

XOXO,

TC3001

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

Headcanon time: Who might be on the aroace spectrum in a sex game?

I missed arospec week by... a few weeks lol. And hey look i'm making a Nukani headcanon post instead of a questionable theorizing analysis for once! If you have contributions for characters I don't have enough info on (especially Quincy), please add on!

Disclaimer: I'm aromantic but allosexual. For me, this means I experience sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction. In my local kink scene, I actually personally know several community members + friends who are asexual or aromantic or both, and some engage in sex while some don't. And lastly for demographic proof only, I'm in an unofficial discord server where some unspecified members are asexual, but they still play this porn game, so yes not everyone who plays this game are into romance or sex.

TLDR: someone can be asexual or aromantic or on the aroace spectrum and still have sex but that varies for everyone!

Now that that's out of the way, here are my headcanon times! None of this is true or ever will be true due to the marketing of a porn harem game, but I think it's fun to headcanon! Feel free to disagree cause I know how people reacted to that "Is Aster trans" reddit post.

Speaking of Aster. I think he's also aroacespec! In his SR room 5, we got text narration ONE time that he gushed or orgasmed or something with a vague hot rod behind Eiden's back. But we've never seen Aster naked nor involve his genitals with another body in the 5 H scenes we have with him. And unlike EVERY other character, he’s only described to have orgasmed once. He also constantly talks down on morvay’s sexual habits, and while it’s a running gag that’s played for laughs, isn’t it possible Aster actually thinks this way? But is still willing to engage in sexy times with Morvay because they're essence creatures so that's how you exchange essence, and they’re basically an old married couple & deep down they do care about each other. And remember what I said about aromantic or asexual people who still engage in kink or sex.

Next, Karu my beloved chew toy. At the time I wrote Garu/Karu analysis part 1, I thought both of them were firmly allosexual but also presented some evidence someone could use to argue Karu might be demi or aroace or something else. But the more I think about it, the more I think yeah, he might be. Or he’s just a tsundere. I swear I'm not delusional and am a logical canon-based theory fan. (Btw, according to google searching, it is possible for different alters to have different sexualities, so this does not apply to Garu).

Quincy- I have never watched a Quincy intimacy room (including his SR & R cards that I have unlocked) but my vibes based off all the other story content with him makes me think he might be in the umbrella, so Grey-ace, Demi, etc. From what I’ve heard other people say, Quincy has had a lover in the past but currently only has sex if Eiden begs for it. This might fit into the definition of people who don't really care for sex themselves, but is interested in it for their partner. If anyone has Quincy cards and has more information, please let me know!

Huey: ok so we have almost no information on him. But he didn’t have sex with his clan members. He was definitely not romantically invested in any of his clan members nor do I recall him having hints of being sexually or romantically invested in anyone else, which does not equate aromantic or asexual but its still possible. And that’s all I got. Anyone got additional input?

Eiden: ah our beloved Eiden. Let’s ignore that in meta, he’s supposed to be the audience self insert (even though he’s the least self insert type MC ever) and therefore he is not going to “prioritize” one ship over another.

Anyways, so I am 100% sure he’s not asexual. BUUUUT he has not expressed romantic lovey dovey attraction to his clan members. More significantly, he does not seem to pick up MULTIPLE clan members’ romantic hints towards him. Yes in Fateful Aegis, Eiden says “I love you too” back to Yakumo, but it’s prefaced with something like Your grandparents love you and I love you too-ish, which to me indicates found family love. Kuya has said the Chinese/Japanese equivalent of “I love you” (“the moon is bright/the moonlight is beautiful tonight”) and that totally went over Eiden’s head. Dante & Edmond are also intensely crushing on Eiden… but they’re tsunderes so it’s probably gonna take forever to get across. The other members are different types of dedicated but open relationships rather than traditionally romantic relationships (except for Rei, who’s still getting there). And I think this is a great thing! All these varying relationship styles that are given the same weight & importance & Eiden has such appreciation & care for all of them, despite not providing traditionally romantic affection back.

Aromantic people can still love their friends & family! We’re not heartless emotionless creatures. We just may not experience or be able to comprehend romantic attraction. And i don’t think that’s a defect nor a bad thing.* And I think it’s especially cool when we compare Eiden’s bad hookup habits in the real world with how he has multiple regular partners that truly value him and a new found family in Klein. If he was aromantic this whole time, it’s kind of a positive perspective, isn’t it? Some aromantic people do experience “squishes”, which is a term for when we feel emotional desire for a platonic relationship. Obviously none of Eiden’s relationships are truly platonic due to the sexual element, but they all lack the romantic element from Eiden’s side.

(Anyways, Eiden won’t ever “reciprocate” romantic love because it’s a harem game, but shhhhh. Also to anyone who says it’s an Asian game and the characters aren’t going to say “I love you”…. Well in their newest intimacy rooms, both Kuya and Yakumo literally just did. Heck one of Forest Night Kuya’s sprite dialogues repeats that!)

So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this pointless headcanons!

*Speaking from my personal experience, I’ve have several sexual partners over time, but I never had the desire to date them or be romantically invested in them. And a weirdly telltale sign, that Jaidenanimation pointed out quite nicely, is that when she listened to romance songs she was like “wait that’s what people experience when they’re in love???” I’ve read a TON of romance and have heard a TON of love songs, but I cannot relate to any one of them. I literally have not felt any of those feelings. And when I have sexual partners, the horniness is definitely the forefront compared to any “falling in love” feelings. I did have what I now realize were several “squishes” in high school/college. What squishes feel like to me, are like “I wanna be your friend & you’re really cool & I cherish you! Like a lot! And also I don’t mind if you fucked me!” which emotionally feels different from “I’m in love with you!!!” (Which yeah i still don’t know what “in love” feels like, and I’m fine with not knowing!).

[kingdoms-and-empires]

Something like this probably won't happen in the actual story...😂

MC is sick and ends up having to stay holed up in their dorm/room(?) for the rest of the day. According to Mary and Aurelian (he's 16 and attending the academy in this scenerio), they get a certain way when they're sick (MC is basically like Kaguya Shinomiya when she got sick that one time https://youtu.be/rvfVVtp-q5o).

How do the ROs react to F!MC acting this way when sick? For Nysthe, Cheris, Veriel, Max ngl he might just stab her while she's down lol, Zera and Voryn.

Sorry for the long ask! (◞‸◟；)

On another note, I loved the new update! (＾▽＾)

Lmao, have the MC revert to speaking their old world language lmaoooooooo

Nysthe would...uhhh...

Cheris would be dutifully helpful and spoon feed the MC soup to make her feel better, and honestly would stop others from entering since Cheris can go all mama mode

Veriel would unashamedly try to cuddle with MC as he'd pretend to be sick too, only to then actually get sick lol! But my boy would probably think it worth it since he can get with his crush and see a different side to her. Although if Aurelian and Mary tried stopping him?

Max would get annnnnnnngry cause he wouldnt want to have the girl he hates humanized and vulnerable. He wants to hate, he wants to blame all his misfortunes on her but how can he when MC is too damn cute?! He'd be doing that anime tsundere blushing and fed her some really good soup commoner soup that his mom made for him. He'd also tell this to the MC as she eats happily, and when she finally passes out, he'd share that he hates her and her family. He'd share everything, and feel better about it. But then he'd feel that hatred hollow as he lifts the sheets to cover the MC as he leaves.

So TLDR?

MC:

Max:

Zera would not know wtf to do (when he got sick no one nursed him back to health or cared) and would bring Astrid along to try and help him take care of MC. He'd be trying to help but his shenanigans would only make Astrid roll her eyes until she kicks him out as he keeps fucking up and finding himself in typical anime situations that look like he's trying to take advantage of MC. Poor Zera, he tries to help but...

Voryn! The dude would whip something up from his garden, serve it to MC, and smile while she eats happily with his eyes closed cause while he plays it cool and calm on the surface the dude is melting down inside cause he cant believe the MC is acting so adorably. He is, quite literally, internally screaming

[r0w0fie]

~Help finding a nsft horror J-Drama CD~

You can skip down to the bottom for some Tldr. TW list below the cut. Certain words will be censored. MC = you the self insert main character. Questions are encouraged. Dm's open. Open to dark j-drama audio suggestions! Suggest me the juicy m4m yandere CDs.

I don't know where to start this off, especially since it's pretty niche. Okay so, years ago on Youtube long before the rise of asmr & voice acting channels, there were channels dedicated to posting translated nsft j-drama CDs & audios.

I cannot find the channels anymore, I cannot find people talking about my particular audio, I cannot find the playlists saved on my YouTube. I have tried many variations of wording on Google & tried Reddit. I even asked some of my friends if they have any idea, but like I said, it's niche. I would try searching through the chaos that is this site but we all know about the anti-nsft endtimes that occured once upon a time.

These channels sometimes got taken down but not all the time due to them being small channels & the videos being in a different language. Though maybe after all these years they're finally gone?

They were pretty raunchy, some were cropped from a longer audio & some were part of a series. Some were yandere, tsundere, boyfriend and all the additional tropes. The MC's most of the time were female or gender neutral, some were m4m. I doubt the thumbnail art were official to the CD/audio & some channels would link to their or others Tumblr account/s or mention sources.

There were many good ones but there was ONE in particular that has FOREVER stuck with me.

Tw: yandere, dark story, nsfw/l, death, s-icide, messing with the dece-sed, tanning of human skin, mental health, unhealthy relationship.

So, judge me all ya want but here I goooooo.

This particular translation was either part of a series of CDs/audios containing the same character & story or of a much longer audio that was then trimmed. The voice acting for the love interest was one of a very mentally ill character & there is nsft naughty audio. The self insert/MC is very likely to be female due to the . . . Overt noises that occur.

The romantic interest was a male yandere character who comes across the MC washed up on a rocky cliff coastline. They are hinted at having jumped or fallen, especially since previous bodies that washed up are from s-icides. I believe the MC had amnesia and the love interest was nursing them back to health from the brink of death.

This was the first body he had come across that was alive and during this audio he was admitting his feelings towards them. The audio clearly spoke back to the characters previous experiences getting to look after the MC (you) & getting close with eachother.

I can't remember how they got to this point in the dialogue but either the MC figured it out or the love interest admitted that his leather bags & furniture were made out of human skin. The skin coming from the cörpses he fished up from the cliffs which he would then tan.

I do believe he might of also turned his family into pieces of his "art" but I might be incorrect as I was also listening to other CD's/audios during that time. I'm not too sure if he k-lled his family, they had an accident near the cliffs or whatever else.

He was a very lonely character who is very unwell in his mind. He might of also had thoughts of also j-mping off the very same cliffs, but that might have also been the MC. Either or.

Eventually they end up doing the down & dirty in his bed. A+ for having actual good audio for the nsfw noises. A+ for my first ever audio sound experince. A+ for derranged voice acting. A+ for making my skin crawl from absolute creepiness. A+++ for being forever stuck in my mind ever since then.

This audio has stuck with me for many years even with how dark it is & because of how dark it is. I would love to find it again! I wish to experince this creepy audio anime man once again and his very unhealthy relationship with you the MC.

Tldr; crazy yandere male love interest who turns washed up cörpses skin into furniture & bags. MC also found washed up but was alive, is nursed back to health by the love interest. Admits to them about his "art" pieces. Ends up having smëx. Drama CD/audio is most likely part of a series or of a longer audio, I discovered it on YouTube many years ago. I cannot find anyone talking about this audio.

[winged-self-indulgence]

I recognise where you're coming from, and I did say that I wasn't being objective because ultimately feelings are feelings and that's why I put my complaints under a link. To be clearer, I don't like that Chev's route (and a lot of others) paint anyone who's even slightly dissatisfied with the monarchy/nobility as a traitor working for Obsidian who needs to be killed or brought to heel. Perhaps I am simply viewing this through modern lens, but throughout the game we are told and shown that the class system is flawed as hell and prone to abuse by those in power, so it comes off as super hypocritical for the game to also tell us to perpetuate the same cycle because this time we know the guys in power and they'd never do anything heinous, trust me it's totally different this time we swear-

That said, I know that Chevalier does hold affection not just for his brothers but also the people of Rhodolite in his own way. I think I'm just put off by how much everyone in the game, from the MC to the other princes to Sariel, acts like he's a perfect genius who hopped out the womb ready to write a PhD level dissertation on sociopolitical issues and military management. In my experience, even when he's wrong, he's never really made to admit that he was wrong. He just stops waving his sword then leaves and everyone is grateful that he didn't commit fratricide or passively endorse the modern equivalent of a war crime.

Basically he's arrogant and doesn't really get knocked off that high horse. You don't understand how hard I laughed when the trapdoor opened but it honestly cemented Clavis's as my favourite. I buy that Chevalier is intelligent, I buy that he's a skilled fighter, but I don't buy that he's the genius everyone hails him as because in the game 90% of his appearances involve killing, threatening to kill, deriding other people, and reading books.

I understand that he has positive qualities, but they do not make up for the the rest in my personal opinion. Is Chevalier a multi-skilled man with emotional issues struggling between his humanity and his duty towards the kingdom? Yes, of course. Did he also allow for slaughter a bunch of civilians so that Obsidian couldn't use them as bargaining chips? Yes he did.

Also, again, his grand ambition is really silly in my opinion. Conquer the entire continent so that everyone is one people and therefore no one fights against one another? My sibling in otome hell satan what kind of Baby's First Imperialism plot is that? Unless I'm misunderstanding something. It does betray a lot of that supposed innocence I guess.

TLDR: I know I'm not being fair, and I am not trying to insist that I'm objectively correct. It's a fictional dating sim. The kicker is this: I don't like tsunderes, I don't like people who refuse to ever apologize even when they are forced to change (especially when human lives are hanging in the balance), and the whole "anti-monarchists are evil traitors to the cause" plot made my stomach churn. I recognise that other people like him, he's one of the most popular characters in IkePri events, but I simply do not vibe. Also Idk anything about Gilbert's route so I just used his name and Obsidian interchangeably.

I can't believe I struggled through Chevalier's route and gained a grudging acceptance of him only to play Clavis's route and tumble right back down the ladder. It's not even neutrality anymore, it's full on dislike.

I'm not even mad that he wants to protect the kingdom. That's valid. It's that he and gilbert have this grand "the people matter less than the kingdom". As if kingdoms aren't made up of said people. It's the same nationalism in a different font. The only thing Rhodolite has above Obsidian is that they don't keep slaves (debatable, given what I remember of Leon's route).

The game insists that Chevalier is some sort of genius, he's playing fucking quantum 3D chess while everyone is stuck figuring out the checkers board, but all I see is that he's classically intelligent with a side of eidetic memory. Congratulations, he can memorize a book in .5 seconds. Is he going to use all that big brain energy to cooperate with anyone, save lives, or oppose Rhodolite's internal issues with their own corrupt nobility?

I recognize that I'm not being wholly objective but I have played through so many routes in this game and in every single one of them Chevalier has always been a brick wall. If a problem can't be potentially solved with a sword or a threat, he's out. Violence is the only solution he wants to get involved with and if no one's getting stabbed then why the fuck did you call him here. Diplomacy? Fuck you.

I know he's not supposed to be the "good guy", arguably none of them are considering they're all "beasts", but it's just annoying to have the characters treat him like this infallible golden goose of good ideas, meanwhile his grand ambition is stupid and is exactly what Obsidian wants in a different palette.

[marumafan]

Hi! I don't know if anyone have asked this before (I'm still reading the novels so I'm not at this point yet). But when do you think is the "moment" where Wolfram falls in love or fully dedicate himself romantically (not merely "I'm your fiance" sort of situation) to Yuuri and vice versa? Like something Yuuri did to turn that love switch on (I don't know the best way to present this question because the entire story is the great part about their relationship growth)

Hello Anon!

It's a matter of interpretation. There's no explicit "and this was the moment when X fell in love with Y" line in the novels, so I'll give you my interpretation.

If you have been following me for a while you'll know I'm convinced that Takabayashi-sensei is determined to make Yuuri and Wolf 'equals' in every way. So for me, they both 'realized' they were in love with one another in the same way.

1) Attraction

When it comes to 'attraction' I think they were both attracted to one another since novel 1 . With Yuuri it's easy to tell because we can 'read his thoughts' and when he met Wolfie he was gushing all over the place like ' gosh darn it this beautiful angel'. More specifically I'd say that by the end of novel 1, on chapter 10, we can really see that they're both attracted to one another.

for Yuuri you have this line: " From the far side of the corridor, the blond with wavy hair comes running. The intense navy blue uniform suits him; the mazoku Prince Wolfram. I muttered in a sigh 'Although he's a man, he's this beautiful, Günter'. Yuuri is telling Gunter how hot he thinks Wolfie is.

And Wolf a few lines after this: He glances here and there without looking at my face. It might be my imagination but his usually white, smooth cheeks were a slight red.

"Appearing without any treasure, don't embarrass my older brother and me!"

So anyway Wolfie was blushing because he was about to pledge to Yuuri and I'd say probably because he also kinda realized the double black was hot.  (Wolfie mentions in novel 2 that Yuuri is cute and Yuuri tells him he's cuter... plus all the other stuff )

2) Developing feelings

It didn't happen right away for neither Wolf nor Yuuri (despite the way their relationship was portrayed in the anime). Yes, they liked each other, but they didn't know each other well. The more time they spend with one another, the more they liked each other. Yuuri realizes that Wolf isn't just a hot tsundere, but someone who's always doing the 'right thing' (according to what he knows)... just like him. And Wolf also realizes that Yuuri isn't just a hot rookie, but that he actually also likes to do the right thing (according to what he knows).... just like him.

The thing is that they have very different backgrounds "so the right thing" meant different things for each of them, but over time and getting to know each other, and Yuuri changing what the 'right thing' is in Shin Makoku, they started seeing eye to eye and understanding each other better; and liking each other more.

3) Falling in love

This is my interpretation due to the way they act before and after what happens.

I think that they both realized they were in love with the other when they 'almost lost' the other person.

This happens for Wolf first during the Caloria arc.

Yuuri has travelled without being summoned by Ulrike. Gunter gets shot (killed?), they find Conrad's severed arm, and Yuuri is missing. It looks really bad.This is when Wolf barges into Shinou's Shrine having absolutely lost his shit demanding to see Ulrike. When she tells him Yuuri's alive, Wolfram is so incredibly relieved (his relieved smile in the manga gives me life), and after this he sneaks out (going against Gwen's orders) and goes looking for Yuuri. At this point, Wolfram doesn't give a flying fuck about anything other than finding Yuuri.

After finding Yuuri he pretty much tells him 'i love you' in the words "if that happens, then we'll fall together", in the scene where they both could have fallen down the cliff. (Wolf also slaps him back "as a reply to his marriage proposal" which I have argued several times he had replied to in the past (in novel 1), but he made it more clear in this arc after all of this.)

For Yuuri, this happens at the beginning of the Seisakoku arc, when Wolfram gets shot.

Yuuri and Wolf are on a ship that's being attacked, suddenly Yuuri can't feel Wolfram's hand that was holding his, and when he looks to his side Wolf is on the floor shot through the heart. Yuuri first tries to heal Wolf and when he can't (and thinks Wolfie is dead), he loses his absolute shit and turns into the maou (which he never did for any other "character death/injury" he had witnessed). He's about to fuck shit up when Wolf's like "Cut it out, I'm fine".

After this, they don't get to spend much time together, but Yuuri gets obsessed with Wolfie, and thinking about how he almost died.... He 'sees' Wolfie in places he couldn't be and finally, when they meet again, Yuuri tells him his ' i love you' in the words " I'm tired of pretending" before the bed scene, right after telling him he was happy Wolf was there with him.  (Also in the last novel he says Wolf is his 'most important person' which is code for 'the one they love' in the novels. Interestingly enough, the time when Wolfie almost died is brought up at the exact moment when he says the 'most important person' line.)

4) After realizing they've fallen in love

Wolf: For Wolfie is easy to see... he's not jealous anymore. He doesn't insist on the marriage, and he's more at ease with Yuuri and lets him do whatever. (When you love someone you just want them to be happy, so he's not obsessing anymore). Also, I think Wolf kinda knows that Yuuri's in love with him too, before Yuuri realizes, since he tells him during the Caloria arc: That it was a good thing Wolf made Yuu angry back in novel 1, or Yuuri would have never proposed and would be having a "one sided crush on Wolf"... XD I mean... Wolf would know best what his relationship to Yuuri is right? (I've talked about this before, Yuuri's an unreliable narrator and doesn't tell us a lot of things)

Yuuri: 1) the bed scene: he pretty much confesses he's in love with Wolf, asks to sleep with him in his bed and we get the 'cut to black' scene. (which according to a story that sensei herself wrote this, in Shin Makoku naughty books, cut to black means sex, but whatever if you think I'm overreaching I won't die on this hill -> it can have other interpretations) 2) The 'Are you asking for a divorce!?' line when Wolf punched him (to save his life-> for those who haven't read that far). Yuuri is kinda 'married' in his head now, so yeah. Plus 3) every single extra story from Crossheart, to Misepan2, to Love Letter, where Yuuri's super mushy in love with Wolf.

-> Misepan2: Yuuri: “ When it comes to things that I can give you, I would give you anything, Wolf."

TLDR: It's my interpretation they realized they were in love with one another after almost losing the other.

-

-

[ilayas11]

A Basic Guide to Destiny 2 Armor Mods

Specifically the mods in the second and third slots.  Because you guys probably have questions and I have some answers. Buckle in kids this is gonna be a long one.

I have decided to write yet another interesting and informative guide for poorly explained game mechanics in Destiny 2. And post it on Tumblr for reasons even I don’t fully understand. Today we will be talking about the mods in the second and third armor slots.  If you would like to know more about the mods in the first armor slot you can check out this handy guide. If you want to know more about mods in the 4th armor slot then you are shit out of luck cus I haven’t written about that yet.

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What are these mods and where can I get them?

I’m just so glad you asked. Let me start out by posting this awesome chart I made of all the mods covered in this guide.

So that’s one of your questions answered. Fuck yeah I’m on a roll today. Now about how to acquire these mods.  Some of them you have already. The game just gives them to you. Others can be acquired by opening engrams, and completing actives. Basically just playing the game like normal. Everyone’s favorite Tsundere Exo Ada-1 also sells a random mod for the low low cost of 10 mod components that changes daily.

Many of these mods can also be earned by turning in rank up packages to Banshee-44 (who is a decidedly less Tsundere Exo).

You can see what mods you have acquired by going to the Mods section of the Collections menu. The mods are organized by armor type. Hovering over the mod will tell you where/how you can acquire said mod. Any mods you don’t have unlocked will be grayed out.

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Ability Mods

These mods add extra bonuses and reduced cool down to your abilities, and some healing.  All of them are restricted by armor type; most of them are also restricted by armor element.  The diminishing returns is about 50% of what a single mod would grant.

This post is already in TLDR territory and we aren’t even half done yet. So I will be talking about mods in more general terms as as apposed to each individual mod (because ain’t no one got time for that).

The mod element and armor slot tend to stick to these defined roles:

Helmet: Generating super energy.

Arms: Generating melee and Grenade energy

Legs: Generating ability energy or health by picking up Orbs of power

Class Item: Focuses on using or generating class ability energy.

Solar: Healing and Grenades

Void: Class abilities and Healing

Arc: Melee abilities

Stasis: Kind of a caught all. Focuses on using or generating super energy and overall ability energy.

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Resistance Mods

These chest piece mods have a damage resistance for every type of element and some non-element specific damage.  Each mod offers 25% damage reduction from combatants with 40% reduction for 2 mods of the same type.   These mods do not work in pvp.  Elemental resistance mods can only be socketed into chest armor of the same element.

In addition to the elemental mods there are three different damage resist mods that can be socketed into any chest armor regardless of element.

Mele Resistance: Reduces incoming damage from combatants that are at point-blank range (4 meters or less).

Sniper Resistance: Reduces incoming damage from combatants that are at long range (over 29 meters away).

Concussive Dampener: Reduces incoming area-of-effect damage from combatants.

Now, I’m not gonna suggest that should use this information to socket in concussive dampener and an arc resistance mod, then take your Riskrunner out of the bank and go punch some screebs...  

But you could.

Just saying.

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Gun and Ammo Mods

Unlike the ability mods a lot of the mechanics of these mods require some explanation so I will be talking a bit more in specifics and less in generalities. These mods are restricted by armor type but do not have any elemental restrictions.

Ammo Finder --- Head Slot --- Diminishing Returns Increases the chance to find a specific type of ammo (heavy or special) if you have the indicated weapon type equipped.  For more info on how often these ammo bricks drop you can read this reddit post  The TLDR is weapon final blows increase the chance of an ammo finder ammo brick dropping.

Targeting --- Head Slot --- Diminishing Returns Improve target acquisition, accuracy, and aim-down-sights speed for the indicated weapon. Everything stacks without diminishing returns but the aim assist which is 10 at one mod and 12 with two.

Reloading mods --- Arms --- Diminishing Returns It makes reloading the indicated gun type faster.

Dexterity --- Arms --- Diminishing Returns Faster ready and stow speed for indicated gun type. This mod has a lot of overlap with the Handling stat on guns.

Ammo Reserves --- Chest --- Diminishing Returns Allows you to carry more ammo for the indicated gun type. This is worth it for some weapons and absolutely not worth it for others.  Listing which guns this mod is good for and which ones it is not is beyond the scope of this guide.

Unflinching --- Chest --- Diminishing Returns Reduces flinching from incoming fire while aiming indicated weapon type. Flinch is the amount of moving that happens when aiming down sights (zoomed in) while being shot at. This mod lessens that movement.

Holster --- Legs --- Diminishing Returns Slowly reloads indicated gun type over time. The gun needs to be stowed for 5 seconds for this mod to start reloading, and will add more ammo to the magazine every 5 seconds so long as the weapon stays stowed. Stacking two of the same type of holster mods will not make this any faster. It will however increase the amount of ammo reloaded but only after the 15 second mark. Rocket Launchers, breach load Grenade Launchers, and Bows do not have a holster mods. Also the hand cannon holster mod does not work/stack with Eriana’s Vow.  

Ammo Scavenger --- Legs --- Does Not Stack Increases the amount of ammo gained from ammo bricks.  While having two of the same type of mod does not stack, you can socket for two different gun types. Some of these mods explicitly state the ammo type that gets the bonus others, like grenade launchers, work for both the special and heavy types.

This mod does not increase the amount of heavy ammo you gain from the Heavy Ammo wall spawns in Gambit and or Crucible. It only works with ammo bricks you pick up from the ground. 

Snapload Finisher --- Class Item --- Does Not Stack Finishers reload all your weapons. Requires one-tenth of your Super energy. This is absolutely not worth it.  Don't use this mod. Using this mod will bring shame on to your family.

Special Finisher --- Class Item --- Does Not Stack Finishers generate Special ammo for the whole fireteam. Requires one-third of your Super energy. This can be a great mod in high end pve content. Be aware if you are running this mod the game will not let you use your finisher unless you have enough super energy.  There’s nothing worst than running up to a finisher-able champion only to die horribly because despite spamming the finisher button nothing happens. Then your fire team is disappointed in you cus you used up another res token and died in a really inconvenient spot.   Ask me how I know.

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Let us pretend I understood everything you just said. What do I do with this information?

Say for the sake of this example you like throwing grenades. It would make this game a lot more fun if you could throw more grenades rather than less.  Socketing in a bunch of mods like Impact Induction, Innervation, and Bomber will allow you to recharge your grenade ability faster. While you are at it maybe throw in a Ashes To Assets in your head piece and get a little bit of extra super energy as an added bonus.  

Congratulations you have just made an armor build that all those crazy kids on the internet are talking about. Oh you thought this was a guide just about armor mods and not a beginners guide to how to make armor builds didn’t you? Well keep reading cus we’re about to next level this shit.

Let’s bring out some Sunbracers, a warlock exotic that grants unlimited solar grenade energy for a short amount of time after a powered melee kill and slap in a Momentum Transfer mod (Causing damage with a grenade reduces you melee cooldown) and see what happens.

That right there kids is a game play loop! One of them many that you can put together.  There's a lot of synergies that exist between the mods, exotic armor and weapons/weapon perks in this game. Exploring these is what really makes Destiny a lot of fun (for me any ways).  

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All Right I’m pumped now! Is there anything else I should know before I start trying to make my own armor builds?

Yes, yes there is. The first thing you need to do is understand the basic mechanics of the activity that you plan on taking a build into. Some actives have mechanics that make these mods useless. Like how damage resist and ammo finder mods don’t work in pvp.  

The next thing you should consider is what sort of game play the activity encourages. How easy is it to get kills with your abilities vrs your guns?  Are you going to be taking a lot of damage and if so what kind?  How difficult will it be for you to generate/pick up orbs of power?

Ultimately what you are trying to do is build an game play loop that supports it’s self and makes the game more fun and interesting to play.

I haven’t listed the cost of any of these mods in this guide because Bungie has in the past, and likely will in the future, changed the energy cost significantly. But the cost both in terms of the energy needed to socket them and having an available socket to do so is a major consideration. As well as having the armor of the appropriate element to even use some of these mods.

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The main thing I want new and returning players (for whom I wrote this guide for) to understand is you don’t need them fancy charged with light, elemental well and warmind cell mods to start making your own armor builds. The mods in this guide are easy to acquire and let you make effective builds for both low and high end content. Don’t get discouraged because you feel like you missed out.

The armor mods are an interesting system that is absolutely horribly explained in game. Speaking of explaining things If you want to know more about armor and armor stats in Destiny 2 Check out this other awesome (and much shorter) guide I wrote. Because I’m not above cross promoting my own work. 

(Also check out my blog. Some times I post pretty pictures I draw)

Cheers!

[telaraneas]

Your explanations on the progression of a Thief is very interesting. What do you believe a Thief of Heart would be like? In a general sense: How could something be raised in Mind?

RUBS MY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER

IF YOU WILL INDULGE MY NONSENSE.... I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE I CONSIDER A THIEF OF HEART. WHO IS A CHARACTER FROM MY *OTHER* CURRENT HYPERFIXATION. so this is going to be just me rambling at lenght about a character you probably dont know or care about, But. im gonna talk about WHY i think of them as a thief of heart, and what that implies. (mostly just cause its easier for me when i have examples, cause classpects are descriptive not prescriptive)

meet sasara nurude from hypnosis mic

this one anime guy has been eating all my braincells for half a year straight. here's the weird thing about him: he's one of the few characters in this work who is allowed to frame HIMSELF in the narrative. as in, there are characters who are "presents themselves to the world as one thing, is secretely another" but in those cases the work presents that gap as part of their character, right? like how a tsundere isn't just A Cold Girl, the "secretly sweet/ends up behaving differently" thing is part of the character's appeal

but with sasara, the work really just... his character appeal in a basic "this is how he seems to be written, this is the archetype he fits" sense has very little to do with who he actually IS, and everything to do with what he PRESENTS himself to be

the guy is a comedian, he's fun, he's an idiot fool who plays off against his straight man best friend, he's goofy and silly and doesn't think before he acts. this is how the work frames him, this is how he comes across, this is what his character bio says, *this is the character sasara concieves himself to be.*

the thing is that his actions tell a very different story

sasara is not just smart, he's one of the most logical-minded people in hypmic. everything he does and says is for a specific reason in pursuit of his goals, whatever that goal happens to be. he *scripted improv in real time* as in he knew exactly what his partner would answer to whatever he said, and as such continually set him up and thus steered the direction of entire skits (and just real ass conversations) based on Knowing What They Would Answer To Whatever He Did.

"but tumblr user telaraneas" you might say "this doesn't sound very much like a heart player at that point, aren't you just describing a mind player at this point??". well heres the thing: despite him doing this stuff constantly, he doesn't place much weight in it, or even seem to actually realize that what he's doing is weird or manipulative. he knows WHAT he's doing, but he doesn't think of it as "ah yes everything according to keikaku". to me it reads like he acts this way because it's the only way he knows to interact with the world around him, PERIOD.

but what makes him a thief of heart is that all of this nonsense is never for the benefit of Making Logical Actions; no, sasara uses mind as *performance of heart*

if heart is identity, soul, The Self, sasara is someone who doesn't HAVE a self, but everything he does is in pursuit of projecting a well-defined Self into the world. everything he does, says, thinks, avoids saying or thinking, is devoted to crafting a coherent narrative about himself and his life that he 1. can believe about himself, and 2. that will allow him to recieve emotional sustenance from others in the form of attention, affection, and anything he needs of them in that moment

and like a good tragic thief, this spills out into harming other people without him realizing it.

his arc is tied to that of his former comedy partner (who i think of as a knight of hope)- someone who, UNLIKE him, actually HAS a strong identity, not because he cares about it, but because he DOESN'T care about it; he lives by his beliefs and passion for the things he DOES care about... only to be pushed around by an impatient sasara who wants to make things fit neatly into the conception he has created for what he is, sowing his partner with doubt and making him start seeing HIS lack of a capacity for performance over passion as being wrong and his fault, and ultimately winds up with sasara driving him away without even realizing it was happening, and destroying the best thing in his life in his misguided attempts to protect it. without knowing it, he almost literally stole away his identity and unique style by burying it in "what would work better", because that's what sasara is used to doing as normal for himself since he was a child who first learned to fake a smile and define himself as "a comedian"

anyways, sorry for the random rant about characters you neither know or care about skfnskjd

tldr: a thief of heart can mean someone who is naturally born to mind, and uses it almost as an afterthought, as a tool to craft what he REALLY wants as a heart player- a coherent self-identity

(if by any miracle someone reading this both knows and cares about these characters. i have a billion words about hypmic. my sideblog for that is @cyrillean )

[cnl0400]

(Don't worry, the truth is that the arguments you wrote in your post were very interesting to me, also, forgive me because my English is not really good, so this will be all over the place too 🙏🙏🙏)

(Tangent #1)

I don't have much to say on the first tangent, as I agree with you on the difference in approaches that OG and NB have, one of the things that was already known since before NB came out (something they responded to on Reddit AMA) is that the devs said that the brothers would act more in line with their "celestial" counterparts, so I already knew that we would not have the S1 brothers again.

So even if we never go back to the dark fantasy that was S1, I'll be satisfied as long as they still have interesting dynamics and don't try to "water down" the characters in favor of "safer" plots.

I completely agree, OBM could really benefit from having an antagonist, that's why I didn't really care that the new characters in S4 were rude, that little "rivalry" Mephistopheles has with MC was one of my favorite interactions in S4 (I'm a sucker of that kind of dynamic tbh), I think the devs think it's easier if all the bad characters are faceless characters, so players wouldn't want another character to date lol.

All "explicitly bad" characters will always be non-sprite characters. Maddy, the little demons that sometimes cause trouble, the Boogeyman, the Grim Reaper (Thirteen on S2), God/Father, currently Nightbringer and my favorite example: Raphael on S3

Comparing how the brothers talk about Raphael in S3 to basically every interaction they have in S4 is so funny, reading S3 (including the cliffhanger that it ends) you get the impression that Raphael could be an antagonist next season, then you read S4 and he's harmless most of the time lol. Sure, he sometimes is rude and violent, but not as much as S3 wants to paint him lmao

TLDR: The moment a character starts to have a canon look, that's the moment the developers will try to stop antagonizing them, because it's harder to empathize with something you can't "see" (Also the devs are alergic to conflict, at least Solomon's whole humanity thing Is trying to change that)

That's also why I didn't care for "Raphael" in NB, all his actions fit the S3 description, pushing every "bad" trait Raphael could have to Michael feels really cheap (I don't think Michael is intentionally malicious either, and people who call him evil don't Get It™)

(Tangent #2)

As a Thirteen fan, I totally agree with you, I also didn't like how the OG was allergic to Thirteen interacting with the main cast (how she's the only exchange student besides MC who doesn't live in Purgatory Hall feels so wrong tbh), and seeing how she didn't have much promotional material when NB was announced along with the reception she got in the Japanese fandom, I was really surprised how well she was handled, I still have the problem that she should interact with characters other than Solomon/ Mephistopheles/Raphael (her interactions with Barbatos were so cute tbh) but hey baby steps lol at least she's the one of the new trio that has the most romantic chemistry with the MC, that's a win in my book

Even if Mephistopheles didn't have many romantic interactions with MC, they at least further expanded on his relationship with Diavolo and how he feels left out with the arrival of the brothers. I think it sucks that he's still a jerk to MC. But seeing Thirteen's comments in the last few lessons, I'm guessing they're going the tsundere route with him, I hope they do more with him in S2.

But to me, what they did to Raphael was truly inexcusable. Rereading the Lessons where he "appears", there were some hints that he might not be the real Raphael, but they are so small that even when you know the truth, it feels so… wrong? Fake Raphael interacts almost the same as the OG and no one suspected it was someone else (not even Diavolo? Barbatos? Lucifer??) So I almost wonder what the point of this plot twist was other than to tease Michael for S2. Maybe if they had given more obvious hints that this wasn't Raphael it wouldn't have bothered me, (I guess Michael's secret talent is also acting? lmao) But now it's more fun to read the scene where Fake!Raphael is talking to Luke/Simeon showing them in gifts and almost begging them to come back because "Michael misses you two so much and can't complete his work because he keeps asking about you both" apparently one of his defining characteristics is that he is too clingy with his sibling /ex-siblings in general? tbh that's something that I find very cute and pathetic at the same time lol.

(Tangent #3)

Actually, I think it's an interesting question, I'll admit that in OG, I'm not up to date with the hard lessons lol (I'm still on HL60, I think?) Mainly because I'm really lazy, so my goal in NB was to do the hard lessons the same week the lesson arrived, because if I let them pile up, I'd be too lazy to complete them later (besides I'm noisy and I love to talk and share things about this game lol) but I still admit that a good/bad HL is something quite subjective, I saw many players who really liked this HL20 for example.

For me the role of the HL/Unlockables is to reward the player who strives to be good at the game (either having luck in the Nightmares, being good at the rhythm game or having $$$ to invest in your cards), without them there is no reason to get S ranks or trying to unlock the HL, so for me their role in the story should be important enough for you to learn something new (a behind the scenes detail, worldbuilding or explaining something that wasn't possible in the main lesson) or they can be good opportunities to give more screen time to characters who are not participating in the main plot (For example in NB, the Luke exploring HOL subplot, Mephisto/ Thirteen meeting at the bar, or the unlocked lessons about Solomon talking with Nightbringer), personally the lessons about the brothers doing something mundane (Like the HL of the brothers playing games) I consider them "filler" because it is an oversaturated topic in the main lessons and you don't really learn anything new, personally it makes me feel like I wasted my time.

Then we have this rare case where the hard lesson gives a too important detail to omit in the normal lessons, OBM is a gacha game first and a rhythm game second, it's unfair to "punish" players who haven't had the time/luck/money to be "better" at the game, like you said this plottwist changes the way you see Raphael/Michael a lot, it's something you wouldn't find out unless you played HL yourself, because the main lesson gives insignificant hints about this reveal that it's not something you can figure out for yourself, now that I think about it, maybe this should have been the post-credit instead of the Nightbringer scene

(re-reading the main lessons, I could only find this dialogue in 20-A, maybe there's more but I personally don't see it)

I think the other time I felt that something should be in the main lessons instead of the Hard Lessons/Unlockables was in several S2 lessons (personally the season I like the least, precisely because of the decisions on what to show and what to block in the hard/unlockable lessons, but that's another topic lol)

By the difficulty in which you unlock the lessons, my verdict from most important to least important would be:

Main Lesson (everything important should be here) > Unlocked A/B/C (Sometimes they unlocked choice trees in the OG, I think it's a creative use for them) > Hard Lessons (there might be times that something important Is shown here, but not enough that you'd miss a lot of context if you don't play it or it's something you can figure out on your own)

(??)

Anyways, I see things more clearly than Yesterday so I'm not that mad at this twist now (I still don't like It) but I guess it's a good opportunity to explore Michael motives? This show us that Michael Is very selfish and isn't considerate of what others think (Taking Raphael's likeness without his permission, suggesting the brothers leave Satan behind, war crimes, etc) I still think this should be the OG Raphael but what's done it's done lol.

No but fr fuck that Hard lesson, Raphael stans keep losing I guess 👎👎👎

[starlightshore]

Is there any evidence that Chara is an abuse victim? It's a very popular headcanon and I want to understand why

hrm. ok let me preface this with a couple of things: one, i actually answered this same question a couple weeks ago (week ago? time means nothing to me) on AFR but i got triggered by continuous use of the topic and people wouldn’t stop talking after i asked multiple times for us to stop. (no bad blood to anyone involved) this is only relevant because its the same question, and I want to make it clear I am fine with talking about this topic, and I will say if or when it’s stressing me out. I am not against talking about dark themes, and at the moment I am calm and fine.

I want everyone to know that this is a triggering topic and i specifically am susceptible to this and it’s surrounding themes, so please try to read the room I’m creating on this topic and give me the proper space.

i say that all ahead of time because I do not want to get triggered or talk about child abuse/death/suicide at length. this ask is fine. maybe a couple more if it’s brief and not asking me to do further research.

secondly, I want to talk about UT canon real quick. UT, for the most part, relies on text to spell out it’s history and world. characters don’t walk on screen and say: I’m Chara Dreemurr. I was born on September 15th 2003. I’m nonbinary and use they/them.” like no, characters live in the moment and yes their past define them, but they got bigger things to worry about and talk about current things. maybe they’ll refer to past things, but never bluntly.

--putting under read more. discussion of child abuse, self harm, and other ingame dark topics. This is mainly a character analysis

So, either you infer from what’s available or you search the wiki/playthrough/text dumps. The very act of playing no mercy route has lore in itself, if you account for player theory and other factors I’m not getting into here. Anyway, Undertale is a very Deep and loaded game with lots of world building built into every nook and cranny. (just spend 5 minutes on semi-frequent undertale facts if you’re curious to this rabbit hole)

Anyway point being, Chara is the narrator. this is fact. “it’s me, Chara.” They outright say it. I hate when people call it theory when it’s more explicit than most things in game.

anyway, the main flavor text i want to point to is this:

* "Faded Ribbon" - Armor DF 3 * If you're cuter, monsters  won't hit you as hard. 

So here’s a couple things I want to talk about first. Yes, monsters fight and that is normal.

* But they will never know  the joy of expressing  themselves through magic.* They'll never get a bullet-   pattern birthday card... 

It’s 10000% likely that Chara dealt with monster fights when alive. And that most likely lead to culture shock and confusion, but with Toriel (lmao, she outright scares off a froggit from Frisk) by their side and being a royal, I highly doubt they were in any danger in that household.

point being, yes, monsters could of hurt them, I would think this mindset is more directed to humanity, rather than monsterkind. You can read it more bluntly that it’s about monsters after all, t does specify monsters here. My counter point is that is to foreshadow how monsters are weaker beings who are more in-tuned with their magic-based bodies and are susceptible to intent, and likewise their magic reflects their own intent.

So yeah, I think it reflects to Chara’s general history and mindset to wanting to appear more tolerable to avoid pain, be it physical abuse or fear of being human. Chara, who calls themself a demon and hated humanity passionately, would be fully aware they are human. When welcomed to a very loving monster family, they didn’t want to ruin the prophetic angelic image they placed on them. They knew with their own imperfect behavior, that they were doomed to fail them.

This can be inferred from how both Toriel and Asgore wear the deltarune (Toriel’s robes, Asgore’s armor makes the wings and their homes in both games have the symbol). Gerson talks about how either the Deltarune Angel (someone who has seen the surface and returned) would either free them or destroy them all. Chara, who the underground believed to be that Angel, was put on this huge pedestal that clearly both parent’s believed in.

We know Toriel represents Integrity,

* someone who sincerely  likes bad jokes...* has an integrity  you can't say  "no" to. 

(along with being refereed to in the blue color of text)

and by both (points in DR’s direction) and this line from her when allowing Frisk to go past the ruins:

My expectations... My loneliness... My fear...For you, my child... I will put them aside.

Toriel says expectations first. It’s clearly a huge part of her motivation. I absolutely see how this pressure not only was put on Chara, but Asriel as well. This isn’t a hate letter to Toriel btw, but rather an examination of her parenting that led to the main tragedy of the game. It’s a cautionary tale. Toriel was not prepared for adopting a suicidal preteen.

speaking of which! back to the whole point of this post.

* I know why (Chara) climbed the mountain.

*(Chara) hated humanity.* Why they did, they  never talked about  it.* But they felt very strongly about  that.

 Now I want to say that Chara hating humanity enough to run away to kill themself doesn’t strictly mean they were abused, but wow! Chara is seriously mentally ill (and frankly, yes, children can be are suicidal) and I don’t think that level of suffering happens for no reason.

* The ends of the tools have  been filed down to  make them safer.* Seems like gardening tools.

* Where are the knives.

The gardening tools in Toriel’s home are dulled and there are no knives in the kitchen. These are actions one takes when their child self harms, this isn’t precautions based in them being literal infants. Chara I imagine was closer to 10/12 age range than Baby. (what baby knows what a tsundere is?)

All these paint a picture of a child who self harms, who violently hates humanity and wanted to kill their (likely) abusers. I’ve also seen someone suggest the fact that FIGHT is your first option in the game in itself reflects how Chara’s first instinct is to Fight first. Both Frisk and Chara are heavily influenced by the player’s actions (both literal and in a parental/guardian like influence) and we see this thru Chara’s outlook changes depending on LV, as well how Frisk feels about violence. (dogfood bag being half full/empty, punching mad dummy in the dump)

Using the themes of the game and backstory/context, we can see how Chara has been taught violence as a viable option. I’d link that more to their pre-underground as Monsterkind as a society preaches mercy and uses bullets not as a murderous tool, but as self expression.

Again, I don’t want to say that just because a child is mentally ill and self harms, doesn’t mean they were abused but I don’t think it’s out of line as a reasoning for it. Yes, sometimes you’re just born with such mental illness, but I choose to interpret the faded ribbon dialogue + their own desire to fight/kill as something taught by example. It fits the themes. It’s more realistic to see Chara as someone who’s been hurt and has learned to hurt in return. (AND that does not mean abuse victims are therefore doomed to become abusers! chara is a child first and thru the pacifist route they’re just as merciful as Frisk! It’s a character arc)

and just to be absolutely clear because I KNOW how tumblr handles nuance sometimes, I am speaking as a former abused and suicidal child. Making that clear that when I say this is how I read the text, it’s not just me speculating on the game’s content but on a real life knowledge of how this shit works. Chara very, very much reads an abused and depressed child who just wanted to fulfill the prophecy for the sake of their family’s freedom.

With almost killing Asgore on accident, Chara realizes that they are an evil human and the only way to free their people is to die violently. (don’t look up buttercup poisoning side effects, it’s bad.) Chara didn’t need to die to escape. They could of killed any of the dreemurrs, but they chose to die horrifically. It’s common for those who are suicidal that they’ll want to die before people see them in a negative light.

also couldn’t really fit this earlier but hell, this is long anyway so I might as well say this here. I think we can also infer Chara’s hatred for humanity grew with learning the history of monsterkind. The books harshly say human souls are different and it’s possible they may not even naturally have compassion and love, or at least, are not required to have it. Humans sealed monsters underground and commited actual genocide against them. (and i don’t use that word lightly. the no mercy route isn’t a genocide, please don’t use that term for that. esp don’t lighten such a heavy and real-word term to a frickin video game route oh my god)

We have this repeating theme of society’s influence on children and how cycles of pain continue. What is “in this world, it’s kill-or-be-killed“ but a statement on society? I’ve discussed before that I think it’s very likely Chara said those words to Asriel as they were being murdered, and how the very system that put Chara into this path was human society that both failed Chara and monsterkind all those years ago. The game’s message is that you must not kill, and you must not be killed in return. That there is a third option, and that even in dire circumstances if you use 7 virtues and are determined enough, you can avoid war and make peace. This isn’t to say self defense is bad, Undyne the Undyning is framed as a hero, and cruel/corrupt rulers should be disposed of (king spade)

this got a little off topic but I thought it was fun to write about. The game’s main theme is built around that phrase, it’s Asriel’s character arc of him learning thru Frisk/Chara/Player that in this world, despite everything, you don’t have to kill or be killed.

TLDR; Chara is implied to hate humanity so strongly they were willing to die horrifically to free monsterkind and fulfill the angel’s prophecy. the game depicts them as a very mentally ill child and with the addition of the faded ribbon text + desire to FIGHT, Chara likely learned this mindset before falling underground. looking at the themes of the game and chara’s backstory, we can infer and take a guess at who they were and what the game is trying to say. Undertale is a good game and has a good moral. That’s my TedTalk

[someoneintheshadow456]

FFS I just found out the Grishas hair turns WHITE and their eyes turn RED when they go in Super Mode. And other details about our two main leads that are VERY clearly ripped from VC.

Alina is basically bootleg, shoddy knockoff Alicia (they’re both orphans who found out they were Valkyria... oops! I mean Grisha! Even their NAMES are similar!!!). And her deal with Darkling seems to be an indication that bits of Selvaria were thrown into the mix as well.

And Mal, being related to a former war hero, the army commander, and the LI to the heroine... seems to an attempt at making shoddy knockoff Welkin gone horribly wrong.

Both medias have the main female lead give up their powers... but the difference is Welkin never hated her for being a Valkyria. He said she may be a Valk but she’s still the same woman, and doesn’t have to sacrifice herself for the war. And even without her Valk powers, Alicia still kicks major ass and is one of the most broken soldiers in the game. And while she does marry Welkin... being a baker was her dream anyway and Welkin gives up combat too. And if VC2 is anything to go by she’s still as badass as ever.

MAL on the other hand PUSHED Alina to give up her powers and become “normal.” And Alina is a scrawny wimp without her Grisha powers. And Alina at the end becomes essentially a barefoot pregnant housewife to Mal without ANY of the things she had before.

Welkin never slut-shamed Alicia in ANY sense, even in the anime when Faldio was doing his clown ass love triangle shit. Mal however did just because Alina wore black.

Welkin is an all around nice guy but a little eccentric in the games, and a kook in the anime but still tolerable. Mal however is a sexist asshole and in fact, just as bad if not worse than Darkling.

Alisha was a nice girl who could also kick ass in the games, and a tsundere who warms up later in the anime. Alina however is anime Alicia except without the “dere” part.

As for Nikolai, he very clearly appears to be Anime Faldio - a noble guy who is also a suave playboy with ulterior motives.

And Darkling... is an attempt at making shoddy knockoff Maxie gone horribly RIGHT. The moment Bardugo revealed the Grisha are Jewish stand-ins, he suddenly goes from a monster to a victim. She essentially gave Maxie Selvaria’s backstory and TRIED to make him a narcissistic manipulator... but her attempts were so cartoonish that it just fell flat.

What made it worse is that Sega straight up said from day 1 that Maxie was an abuser. Bardugo however baited her readers into thinking Darkling was the LI and pulled the rug from underneath them in the last second.

The rest of the characters don’t appear to be copies yet, but I need more information to know just HOW MUCH Bardugo ripped from Sega because from here it looks like she already took enough for a lawsuit. VC may have had numerous story flaws, but it at least TRIED to give a damn.

TLDR:

[ilayastestblog]

A Basic Guide to Destiny 2 Armor Mods

Specifically the mods in the second and third slots.  Because you guys probably have questions and I have some answers. Buckle in kids this is gonna be a long one.

I have decided to write yet another interesting and informative guide for poorly explained game mechanics in Destiny 2. And post it on Tumblr for reasons even I don’t fully understand. Today we will be talking about the mods in the second and third armor slots.  If you would like to know more about the mods in the first armor slot you can check out this handy guide. If you want to know more about mods in the 4th armor slot then you are shit out of luck cus I haven’t written about that yet.

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What are these mods and where can I get them?

I’m just so glad you asked. Let me start out by posting this awesome chart I made of all the mods covered in this guide.

So that’s one of your questions answered. Fuck yeah I’m on a roll today. Now about how to acquire these mods.  Some of them you have already. The game just gives them to you. Others can be acquired by opening engrams, and completing actives. Basically just playing the game like normal. Everyone’s favorite Tsundere Exo Ada-1 also sells a random mod for the low low cost of 10 mod components that changes daily.

Many of these mods can also be earned by turning in rank up packages to Banshee-44 (who is a decidedly less Tsundere Exo).

You can see what mods you have acquired by going to the Mods section of the Collections menu. The mods are organized by armor type. Hovering over the mod will tell you where/how you can acquire said mod. Any mods you don’t have unlocked will be grayed out.

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Ability Mods

These mods add extra bonuses and reduced cool down to your abilities, and some healing.  All of them are restricted by armor type; most of them are also restricted by armor element.  The diminishing returns is about 50% of what a single mod would grant.

This post is already in TLDR territory and we aren’t even half done yet. So I will be talking about mods in more general terms as as apposed to each individual mod (because ain’t no one got time for that).

The mod element and armor slot tend to stick to these defined roles:

Helmet: Generating super energy.

Arms: Generating melee and Grenade energy

Legs: Generating ability energy or health by picking up Orbs of power

Class Item: Focuses on using or generating class ability energy.

Solar: Healing and Grenades

Void: Class abilities and Healing

Arc: Melee abilities

Stasis: Kind of a caught all. Focuses on using or generating super energy and overall ability energy.

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Resistance Mods

These chest piece mods have a damage resistance for every type of element and some non-element specific damage.  Each mod offers 25% damage reduction from combatants with 40% reduction for 2 mods of the same type.    These mods do not work in pvp.  Elemental resistance mods can only be socketed into chest armor of the same element.

In addition to the elemental mods there are three different damage resist mods that can be socketed into any chest armor regardless of element.

Mele Resistance: Reduces incoming damage from combatants that are at point-blank range (4 meters or less).

Sniper Resistance: Reduces incoming damage from combatants that are at long range (over 29 meters away).

Concussive Dampener: Reduces incoming area-of-effect damage from combatants.

Now, I’m not gonna suggest that should use this information to socket in concussive dampener and an arc resistance mod, then take your Riskrunner out of the bank and go punch some screebs...  

But you could.

Just saying.

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Gun and Ammo Mods

Unlike the ability mods a lot of the mechanics of these mods require some explanation so I will be talking a bit more in specifics and less in generalities. These mods are restricted by armor type but do not have any elemental restrictions.

Ammo Finder --- Head Slot --- Diminishing Returns Increases the chance to find a specific type of ammo (heavy or special) if you have the indicated weapon type equipped.  For more info on how often these ammo bricks drop you can read this reddit post  The TLDR is weapon final blows increase the chance of an ammo finder ammo brick dropping.

Targeting --- Head Slot --- Diminishing Returns Improve target acquisition, accuracy, and aim-down-sights speed for the indicated weapon. Everything stacks without diminishing returns but the aim assist which is 10 at one mod and 12 with two.

Reloading mods --- Arms --- Diminishing Returns It makes reloading the indicated gun type faster.

Dexterity --- Arms --- Diminishing Returns Faster ready and stow speed for indicated gun type. This mod has a lot of overlap with the Handling stat on guns.

Ammo Reserves --- Chest --- Diminishing Returns Allows you to carry more ammo for the indicated gun type. This is worth it for some weapons and absolutely not worth it for others.  Listing which guns this mod is good for and which ones it is not is beyond the scope of this guide.

Unflinching --- Chest --- Diminishing Returns Reduces flinching from incoming fire while aiming indicated weapon type. Flinch is the amount of moving that happens when aiming down sights (zoomed in) while being shot at. This mod lessens that movement.

Holster --- Legs --- Diminishing Returns Slowly reloads indicated gun type over time. The gun needs to be stowed for 5 seconds for this mod to start reloading, and will add more ammo to the magazine every 5 seconds so long as the weapon stays stowed. Stacking two of the same type of holster mods will not make this any faster. It will however increase the amount of ammo reloaded but only after the 15 second mark. Rocket Launchers, breach load Grenade Launchers, and Bows do not have a holster mods. Also the hand cannon holster mod does not work/stack with Eriana’s Vow.  

Ammo Scavenger --- Legs --- Does Not Stack Increases the amount of ammo gained from ammo bricks.  While having two of the same type of mod does not stack, you can socket for two different gun types. Some of these mods explicitly state the ammo type that gets the bonus others, like grenade launchers, work for both the special and heavy types.

This mod does not increase the amount of heavy ammo you gain from the Heavy Ammo wall spawns in Gambit and or Crucible. It only works with ammo bricks you pick up from the ground.

Snapload Finisher --- Class Item --- Does Not Stack Finishers reload all your weapons. Requires one-tenth of your Super energy. This is absolutely not worth it.  Don't use this mod. Using this mod will bring shame on to your family.

Special Finisher --- Class Item --- Does Not Stack Finishers generate Special ammo for the whole fireteam. Requires one-third of your Super energy. This can be a great mod in high end pve content. Be aware if you are running this mod the game will not let you use your finisher unless you have enough super energy.  There’s nothing worst than running up to a finisher-able champion only to die horribly because despite spamming the finisher button nothing happens. Then your fire team is disappointed in you cus you used up another res token and died in a really inconvenient spot.   Ask me how I know.

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Let us pretend I understood everything you just said. What do I do with this information?

Say for the sake of this example you like throwing grenades. It would make this game a lot more fun if you could throw more grenades rather than less.  Socketing in a bunch of mods like Impact Induction, Innervation, and Bomber will allow you to recharge your grenade ability faster. While you are at it maybe throw in a Ashes To Assets in your head piece and get a little bit of extra super energy as an added bonus.  

Congratulations you have just made an armor build that all those crazy kids on the internet are talking about. Oh you thought this was a guide just about armor mods and not a beginners guide to how to make armor builds didn’t you? Well keep reading cus we’re about to next level this shit.

Let’s bring out some Sunbracers, a warlock exotic that grants unlimited solar grenade energy for a short amount of time after a powered melee kill and slap in a Momentum Transfer mod (Causing damage with a grenade reduces you melee cooldown) and see what happens.

That right there kids is a game play loop! One of them many that you can put together.  There's a lot of synergies that exist between the mods, exotic armor and weapons/weapon perks in this game. Exploring these is what really makes Destiny a lot of fun (for me any ways).  

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All Right I’m pumped now! Is there anything else I should know before I start trying to make my own armor builds?

Yes, yes there is. The first thing you need to do is understand the basic mechanics of the activity that you plan on taking a build into. Some actives have mechanics that make these mods useless. Like how damage resist and ammo finder mods don’t work in pvp.  

The next thing you should consider is what sort of game play the activity encourages. How easy is it to get kills with your abilities vrs your guns?  Are you going to be taking a lot of damage and if so what kind?  How difficult will it be for you to generate/pick up orbs of power?

Ultimately what you are trying to do is build an game play loop that supports it’s self and makes the game more fun and interesting to play.

I haven’t listed the cost of any of these mods in this guide because Bungie has in the past, and likely will in the future, changed the energy cost significantly. But the cost both in terms of the energy needed to socket them and having an available socket to do so is a major consideration. As well as having the armor of the appropriate element to even use some of these mods.

The main thing I want new and returning players (for whom I wrote this guide for) to understand is you don’t need them fancy charged with light, elemental well and warmind cell mods to start making your own armor builds. The mods in this guide are easy to acquire and let you make effective builds for both low and high end content. Don’t get discouraged because you feel like you missed out.

The armor mods are an interesting system that is absolutely horribly explained in game. Speaking of explaining things If you want to know more about armor and armor stats in Destiny 2 Check out this other awesome (and much shorter) guide I wrote. Because I’m not above cross promoting my own work.

Cheers!

[notfairestwriting]

okay now im wondering something: what would ray be like if his mother was, you know, actually a good person (or at least less awful to him)?

oh boy a Lot of stuff would be different... i think hed still be that reserved introvert type, but definitely a lot less uptight (tho he is hardworking almost by nature? so its not like hed be Easygoing either, just not so serious)

she gives him a whole lot of different kinds of emotional damage so i think hed be pretty much unrecognizable personality wise. a lot of it is self worth issues and emotional underdevelopment/repression, plus discouraging him from being sociable in general making him so unhealthily withdrawn. and theres also uh! other stuff i havent told most of you about yet.

he would definitely be a lot more of a team player, and more straightforward about caring for others rather than having this tsundere streak we all know him for. less feelings of general unworthiness but thats not gone completely since not meeting his father also kinda messed him up, just not as much as his mothers whole Existence. he would be generally more cheerful from being more encouraged to pursue things he actually has passion for, and his obsession with everything being predestined wouldnt exist. probabably would be a lot more naive too, since he wouldnt have seen certain things

tldr, mommy issues are a very integral part of his character from a psychological standpoint so hed pretty much be a different person ghfvfbj

[yewfallen]

@sheergrace sent:  [ 🤪 ] what is your muse’s sense of humour like? are they known for being joking, or serious?  ( prompt. )

awful. absolutely atrocious. i’d kick him in the face if he ever said a “””joke””” at me.

Lover: Feeebail…and what about that pledge you made to me? Febail: Eh? Pledge? What pledge? Lover: Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten it already? Febail: Ack, it’s just a joke, [Lover], it’s a joke. Don’t look at me all scary-like, I’m sorry!

—— FE4, Epilogue, Seliph’s Grannvalian Talks - Febail Inherits Yngvi

and from there, the ending line varies a bit depending upon who’s saying it but no matter who it is, they usually say something like “I wouldn’t know!” the other fantranslation patch keeps this conversation mostly the same, though there’s a slight wording difference where his lover will say something along the lines of “Can you blame me?!” 

febail is just kinda. unused to making connections with people his age and doesn’t know how to properly execute a joke, ending in cases like this where he might hurt someone’s feelings, seeing as he’s usually blunt or honest to a fault normally. this awkwardness and inexperience results in him assuming that if he’s close to someone, he should be able to speak light-heartedly with them and make jokes like these, but he just doesn’t... actually have a good sense of humor LMAO and he’ll need to learn it and his loved ones’ boundaries. as he tries to become better at communicating, there’ll inevitably be these bumps and hurdles, and i am sorry to anyone along for the ride.

i like to think this is one of the things that’s wholly different between him and his cousin lester. while they’re both guys with tough images and are tsunderes for a lack of a non-weeby term, lester finds the timing and execution of jokes and affection a lot easier than febail properly, helped by the fact lester did grow up around people his own age and has long been friends with them at that.

this difference between them can be noted in the case lester is the one to inherit house yngvi (whether it’s because febail inherited something else or because febail died in the war):

Lover: And what of your promise to me? Lester: I haven’t forgotten, of course! Lover: Good. I thought you wouldn’t, Lester. /  Just checking!  Lester: [Lover], you’re kinda scaring me here. Lover:  Heh heh... Am I now?  /   Oh, that’s just mean! And if you say much more of it, I don’t know WHAT I’ll do! Heh heh heh...

—— FE4, Epilogue, Seliph’s Grannvalian Talks - Lester Inherits Yngvi

lester interestingly now is placed in the same conversational setup as febail but knows in this case to not make a joke of it despite being the same guy who earlier in the game decided the way to reassure someone is this:

Patty: I just get tired of you teasing me, Lester. That’s all. Lester: Do I do that? Patty: Yeah, you do. You don’t even treat me like the other girls. Lester: You’re a girl!? Patty: …you creep!! Lester: Hey, it’s just a joke… C’mon, don’t get so angry. I’m sorry, okay? I guess I just sort of like you, that’s all. So I just sort of… you know. Patty: What do you mean, you ‘like’ me!? Lester: ‘Like’ as in ‘not hate’! Need me to repeat it!?

—— FE4, Chapter 10, Lester Talks to Patty

they’re both bad. febail is just somehow worse and even more dense about timing.

tldr: this family’s boys are awful at jokes. and also at talking to people.

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.