#but i dont know if anyone wants to read that cause it requires buying into my assertion that this dude you probably dont know or care abt

[azrielgreen]

Hey, I could use use some...not necessarily advice, but encouragement I guess about writing darker fics. I know I shouldn't compare and I should just write what I like but the fics I see that are popular, especially on tumblr are pretty different than what I want to write (not that i dont like them too) and as someone who hasn't written much it's hard to not want to write fics that I think more people might like because I want to know if my writing itself is any good and i don't want to get discouraged by negative feedback (or no feedback because no one reads it) that isnt even based on writing. I know it's holding me back and I have to just push through my insecurities but its hard! Actually i lied, I'm asking for advice lol, how did you build confidence in yourself as a writer when you started?

I'm sending this to @thorniest-rose too cause i admire you both, you write dark subjects so well 🥰

Hi! I'm sorry this reply is so late! OK, so; advice on building confidence as a writer! Amazing Q.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that anyone writing dark fic should be PROUD of themselves no matter what - all writing is hard and requires work. Self-expression and creative exploration are beautiful. So many fic writers are discouraged for numerous reasons, purity culture and fandom policing being high among them, which sorely deprives the fandom of balance, new material and dare i say some truly masterful stories told in a darker shade.

For building confidence as a writer, I use ✨️The Triangle of Delusion✨️ method, which I invented. Please bear in mind this is my method for myself and as with all methods/advice, this may not apply to others.

So, top of the triangle: passion.

Passion is your ink, your drive, your everything. Without it, I am utterly lost. Finding ways to ignite and sustain your passion is essential. Passion, enthusiasm, obsession, hyperfixation, it is so important to my confidence. If I'm obsessed, I literally will write for myself and no one else, which you should always be doing.

Next part: delusion.

This is KEY. I will detach myself utterly from reality and gas myself up constantly, become my own biggest fan, reread all the time, romanticise my process, make my desk beautiful and BUY INTO my own art like a crazy person. I am absolutely delusional, always, about my own talent. My passion fuels this.

Part three: knowing that you can always improve.

This is something I talk about sometimes but with confidence, this is ESSENTIAL! When you inevitably read something WAY better than what you've written, instead of being disheartened, know that this is your sign from the universe to level up, branch out and explore! I never read anything and think "I could never do that" and I am ALWAYS open to improving myself, I get so excited about it! This in turn fuels my passion.

The triangle therefore becomes self sustaining. Confidence requires a little touch of madness, in my opinion.

Best of luck and all my love, Azriel.

💜💜💜

[nathank77]

9/7/24

8:13 a.m Added to 8:55 a.m/Edited/Slightly added to 9:58 a.m

I'm over here all worried bc for one everyone is coming today and my mother wants to make us all stand outside for whatever reason...

And beyond that my uncle Kenny never comes to anything.. and I mean anything. I'm wondering if he knows I'm on Xanax. He is an addict for percription pills. He'd fucking give me hundreds for xanax.

I WOULD NEVER SELL MY SLEEPING PILL.

I'm worried that he will steal it. Yes my door locks. What if when people are outside he can shimmy the lock and get in and steal it. Tbh I'm freaking out about it. I'd fucking imprison the fuck but basically all I want to do is guard my door until he leaves.

He is a xanax addict. I have actively kept it a secret that I'm using xanax... I told dad and Lori. I never told skye incase it spread to mom.

I don't talk to anyone on my mother's or father's side so I didn't tell anyone. I made it clear to dad and Lori not to tell skye cause my mother is an addict and if she slips up then my mom will know..

So maybe they did slip up? Kenny doesn't leave the house for anything. Kenny doesn't come and visit.

I'm going to have to figure out a way to hide and protect my xanax. I may not go outside until Kenny leaves.

My father is actually on tramadol daily. I didn't realize it was a narcotic.... an opiod.. I thought it was fancy Ibuprofen. Tramadol or any opiod can make your memory fuzzy. He could have told skye and skye could have told mom. And I heard my mom say alprazolom that one time it was on my bed.....also I often have to say alprazolom out loud... to therapists who are too stupid to not ask me what I'm on or to doctors.. i say it outloud more than i want to and only cause i have to... or they say xanax when I told them not to and they can see i don't have EAR PLUGS.

Or when I was reading the Kristen paper outloud to edit it and I said benzodiazepine out loud... maybe it wasn't my dad or Lori but why the fuck is Kenny not being his normal hermit self. He truly doesn't leave the house for anything.

I was researching drug classes bc with this xanax issue I realized how addicted I am and I wanted to know how addictive it is compared to other addictive percription meds... I found out it goes like this:

1) opiods

2) benzodiazepines or barbitutes

3) Stimulants

I wanted to know what could be worse than my addiction and require chronic use for educational purposes. At first I thought that narcotics are never perscribed for long term use. So then it's just benzos and Adderall. Which makes me feel really bad for Connor who has been drugged since he was like 5 or 6 on a stimulant...

But then I looked up tramadol and realized my father has been on tramadol for years bc of chronic pain, he has a running script. Then I did research and appearantly long term opiod use can actually cause chronic pain.

I think it's called chronic opiod pain syndrome. I'm very fascinated by that and I'm going to research it more thoroughly. But okay I'm done with the science shit.

Anyways I got to protect my xanax. I'd fucking arrest my uncle. I'd fucking stab him if he tried to take my xanax. The whole day until the drug addict leaves all I'm going to do is try to protect my xanax...

You think my mom's bad? She might steal a pill here and there if she knew and had access (she hasn't stolen one but then again I was missing that 1 one time...... but it was only once over 8 months) Kenny would fucking raid me for xanax. I'm not lying.

Kenny is a pill head. He will buy narcotic or benzo. He will steal them he will buy them off the street. He would take every pill I had if he knew I had them and he could get in my room.

That's going to be my only thought today. He has only come here once since we moved here. And I wasn't on Xanax then I dont believe and I had slept the whole day anyways.... so I mean.... I was protecting my xanax assuming I was on it then. By the time I woke up he left 20 minutes later.

When I say my family is fucked up I mean. Debbie is a kleptomaniac.... Kenny is a drug addict pill head. He will mix narcotics or benzos with alcohol. My mother is an alcoholic who will partake in prescription meds mixing it with alcohol occasionally but she's more likely to do cocaine.

My family is a fucking wreck. My dad's side is nothing like this. We got a patch of bad apples on that side just uncle marks kids.

[telaraneas]

Your explanations on the progression of a Thief is very interesting. What do you believe a Thief of Heart would be like? In a general sense: How could something be raised in Mind?

RUBS MY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER

IF YOU WILL INDULGE MY NONSENSE.... I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE I CONSIDER A THIEF OF HEART. WHO IS A CHARACTER FROM MY *OTHER* CURRENT HYPERFIXATION. so this is going to be just me rambling at lenght about a character you probably dont know or care about, But. im gonna talk about WHY i think of them as a thief of heart, and what that implies. (mostly just cause its easier for me when i have examples, cause classpects are descriptive not prescriptive)

meet sasara nurude from hypnosis mic

this one anime guy has been eating all my braincells for half a year straight. here's the weird thing about him: he's one of the few characters in this work who is allowed to frame HIMSELF in the narrative. as in, there are characters who are "presents themselves to the world as one thing, is secretely another" but in those cases the work presents that gap as part of their character, right? like how a tsundere isn't just A Cold Girl, the "secretly sweet/ends up behaving differently" thing is part of the character's appeal

but with sasara, the work really just... his character appeal in a basic "this is how he seems to be written, this is the archetype he fits" sense has very little to do with who he actually IS, and everything to do with what he PRESENTS himself to be

the guy is a comedian, he's fun, he's an idiot fool who plays off against his straight man best friend, he's goofy and silly and doesn't think before he acts. this is how the work frames him, this is how he comes across, this is what his character bio says, *this is the character sasara concieves himself to be.*

the thing is that his actions tell a very different story

sasara is not just smart, he's one of the most logical-minded people in hypmic. everything he does and says is for a specific reason in pursuit of his goals, whatever that goal happens to be. he *scripted improv in real time* as in he knew exactly what his partner would answer to whatever he said, and as such continually set him up and thus steered the direction of entire skits (and just real ass conversations) based on Knowing What They Would Answer To Whatever He Did.

"but tumblr user telaraneas" you might say "this doesn't sound very much like a heart player at that point, aren't you just describing a mind player at this point??". well heres the thing: despite him doing this stuff constantly, he doesn't place much weight in it, or even seem to actually realize that what he's doing is weird or manipulative. he knows WHAT he's doing, but he doesn't think of it as "ah yes everything according to keikaku". to me it reads like he acts this way because it's the only way he knows to interact with the world around him, PERIOD.

but what makes him a thief of heart is that all of this nonsense is never for the benefit of Making Logical Actions; no, sasara uses mind as *performance of heart*

if heart is identity, soul, The Self, sasara is someone who doesn't HAVE a self, but everything he does is in pursuit of projecting a well-defined Self into the world. everything he does, says, thinks, avoids saying or thinking, is devoted to crafting a coherent narrative about himself and his life that he 1. can believe about himself, and 2. that will allow him to recieve emotional sustenance from others in the form of attention, affection, and anything he needs of them in that moment

and like a good tragic thief, this spills out into harming other people without him realizing it.

his arc is tied to that of his former comedy partner (who i think of as a knight of hope)- someone who, UNLIKE him, actually HAS a strong identity, not because he cares about it, but because he DOESN'T care about it; he lives by his beliefs and passion for the things he DOES care about... only to be pushed around by an impatient sasara who wants to make things fit neatly into the conception he has created for what he is, sowing his partner with doubt and making him start seeing HIS lack of a capacity for performance over passion as being wrong and his fault, and ultimately winds up with sasara driving him away without even realizing it was happening, and destroying the best thing in his life in his misguided attempts to protect it. without knowing it, he almost literally stole away his identity and unique style by burying it in "what would work better", because that's what sasara is used to doing as normal for himself since he was a child who first learned to fake a smile and define himself as "a comedian"

anyways, sorry for the random rant about characters you neither know or care about skfnskjd

tldr: a thief of heart can mean someone who is naturally born to mind, and uses it almost as an afterthought, as a tool to craft what he REALLY wants as a heart player- a coherent self-identity

(if by any miracle someone reading this both knows and cares about these characters. i have a billion words about hypmic. my sideblog for that is @cyrillean )

[batteryrose]

Based on this post, but i dont want to bother the op. Yes instead of on Violence update im doing this with Adam instead!

-

What is the character’s go-to drink order? (this one gets into how do they like to be publicly perceived, because there is always some level of theatricality to ordering drinks at a bar/restaurant)

-Adam wish he could just order tea--an entire big jug of tea, not those fancy little cups of tea--without it being a conversation starter every damn time.

-For religious reasons he's not actually supposed to drink any alcoholic drink However, if someones buying for him, that's just a whole other story.

What is their grooming routine? (how do they treat themselves in private)

- He's used to waking up during dawn, washing his face and arms and feet (typical wudhu routine), and then shower if he must. With cold water. (not sane)

- shaves because this guy cannot grow any decent hair

- likes smelling awesome

- most hygienic man in a medieval european setting

-

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? (Gets you thinking about socio-economic class, values, and how they spend their leisure time)

- He's generally more privileged where he came from. His most expensive (personal) purchases is always of clothes

-

Do they have any scars or tattoos? (good way to get into literal backstory)

- The scars on his back is mostly from one incident where the (Obsidian) military made an example of him. That's his entire driving force baybeeeee

- not gonna get into it too much because I think it's rather tasteless without proper context

-

When was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? (Good way to get some *emotional* backstory in.)

- this guy only cries during sex!!!!

- not negatively though it's just the one time he lets all guards down

-

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? (This one might be a me thing, because I LOVE writing/reading about family dynamics, but knowing what kinds of things were ‘normal’ for them growing up is important.)

- He's a middle child, with quite some gap between him and his older sisters (two).

- causes a lot of envy because his dad favours him the most despite him being pretty unremarkable as a kid

- everyone also smells the queer in him

- closest to his younger sister who he takes care off since she's a baby

- also his youngest brother, but the kid is in that phase™ where he pretends to not like anyone

- quite abrasive relationship with his one-year-younger brother and respectful but distant one with his elder sisters

-

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. (This is a big catch all, gets into money, taste, practicality, level of wear, level of repair, literally what kind of shoes they require to live their life.)

For indoors and official wear it has to be these

For riding and on the fields he wears some tailor made boots. No more traumatically uncomfortable standard military boots!

-

Describe the place where they sleep. (ie what does their safe space look like. How much (or how little) care / decoration / personal touch goes into it.)

- Back home he gets a small homey building of his own, made of wood, handmade ornate carpet and fabric art hanging on the walls. But he spends time here less often. His hiding place is his friend's small cottage in the middle of nowhere.

- just a bed and noncohesive decor everywhere because this is where he stores all his emotionally important stuff (gifts of wood carvings and ugly fabric art from his sister).

-

What is their favorite holiday? (How do they relate to their culture/outside world. Also fun is least favorite holiday.)

- love-hate relationship with Eid (because family gathering)

- he seems to enjoy sightseeing in any Rhodolite festivals

-

What objects do they always carry around with them? (What do they need for their normal, day-to-day routine? What does ‘normal’ even look like for them.)

- a well hidden unexpected KNIFE

- box of tobacco and rolling paper plus matches

- some fragrance sometimes

-

Shout out to @kissmetwicekissmedeadly for showing me the post with this set of questions!

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[morizoras-cave]

Purple Patches

Benedict Cumberbatch x Teen!Co-Star!Reader, Tom Holland x Teen!Co-star!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluffy ending

Description: Filming the newest Dr. Strange movie (in which Tom would also appear), you grow quite close with the two leads, Tom and Benedict. But you’re hiding something alarming from them. Four months in the entire crew get a week off to see their families for Christmas, and when you return Tom and Benedict can’t help but feel troubled, as your body is rippled with purple patches.

Warnings: CHILD ABUSE, physical abuse, broken family, alcoholism, depression, anxiety??

A/N: I had another imagine written but im ngl its kind of.. weird? its unconventional for sure. and its definitely bad. so, maybe ill rewrite someday or something? ALSO SORRY IF YOU DONT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, JUST IMAGINE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF EVIL CHRISTIAN STEP DAD WHO FORCES IT INTO YOUR FAMILY

The taxi you sat in drove slowly in the New York traffic, as snow fell outside, coating the entire city in blinding white. You couldn’t enjoy it however. Your entire body hurt, and yet you still couldn’t find even a moment to worry about your health. All you could think about was them.

Tom and Benedict. Your sweetest coworkers, and at this point your closest.. anything. Family, friends? Who cares, you had no one else. You’d gone back for the holidays like everyone else, even though you wished you could have just stayed at in your trailer. Your dad, like any other time you saw him, had used this time to pour his anger and alcoholism out on you. Your body which had finally begun to heal, was now back to square one, covered in cuts and bruises. 

You knew what would happen if anyone found out. You’d be taken from your family. But in truth, although you hated being around him, you wanted to wait for your dad. You wanted to wait for him to get over his alcoholism, you wanted him to get better, and then he’d treat you better. 

But they would find out. You were covered in bruises and purple patches. Your face was fine, except for your neck, but the rest of your body was ruined. Ugly. You could hide most of it, but it hurt. Even just sitting there, in the soft and plush taxi seat, you body was aching and wailing like a police siren. 

And what if they noticed you foundation-covered hands? Or the movie required you to wear something more revealing? 

“You okay?” the deep voice of your taxi driver ripped you from your thoughts. A single tear had slid down your face. You cleared your throat and nodded, wiping the tear from your cheek. 

You arrived at the set, and an impossible knot had been tied in your stomach. Nervousness tingled in your heart and your legs, but you got up anyway, trying to calm your breath. The moment you stood up, you winced and stopped. 

You managed to roll your luggage to your trailer, biting your lip continuously in order to keep yourself from screaming. You threw it on the floor of your trailer, whimpering and doubling over in pain. 

“Y/n!” a rapid knock on your door, interrupted you. It was Tom’s voice. You took a shaky breath, closing your eyes, and then opening the door. Tom stood there in your doorway like a smiling idiot. Your lips widened into a smile just from seeing him.

“Y/n!” he repeated stepping inside and wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You bit your lip again, hiding your pain-wrenched face in his chest, before hugging him back. He placed his head on yours sweetly. “I missed you!” he gushed. 

You hit his chest playfully, “I missed you too,” you frowned for a moment and looked away. Tom’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you okay?” You simply nodded. Tom stared at you for a moment and then shook his head. “Anyway, um, Benedict asked me to tell you that he’s invited both of us youngsters out for dinner tonight. Just as one last ‘fuck you!’ to work, before officially start back up tomorrow.”

“That does sound like something he would do,” you agreed and Tom laughed, punching your shoulder playfully. You yelped loudly, retreating quickly from him. 

“Woah,” he exclaimed, holding his hands up, “Are you okay? What happened to your shoulder?” 

“I fell,” you said. Nervousness jabbed at your ribs. You’d barely talked to Tom for a minute and he’d already asked if you were okay twice. He seemed to buy your explanation, and apologized for accidentally hitting your sore shoulder, to which you nodded absently. 

Tom was silent for a couple of heartbeats. He studied you. You were not usually like this. Or maybe you had been a little like this those four months ago, when you first started filming. He didn’t understand what caused you to be that way, so distant and unhappy. 

“Hey, anyway, I’m gonna go, I’m trying to actually read the script this time,” he joked, and you laughed because you knew it was a hopeless task. 

“Have fun,” you mumbled, and as soon he left, you body slid down against the wall, and your facade crumbled, tears leaving your eyes.

___________________________

Before the dinner, you took three pain killers. Then, you waited restlessly, hoping that the pills might kick in. They did but your body felt strange and buzzy. You ignored it, a blossoming hope forming in your chest that you might be able to conceal your pain in the pills and the clothing. 

Benedict came knocking on your door around 7, a smile on his face. “Y/n!” he said, and you both hugged. A small smile had formed on your lips, when you actually managed to deal with the ache, now much weaker than previously.

You both then walked to Tom’s trailer, and then the three of you walked to a restaurant, not too far from your filming location.

“So, what have you two been up to in our little break?” Benedict asked once you all sat down, having ordered already. You glanced at Tom, hoping that he’d start. 

“Me and my brothers went back home to our mum and dad. Had a pretty regular Christmas. I gave the best gifts. I got some pretty cool socks,” Tom joked around. You and Benedict stifled a laugh. Then both Ben and Tom looked at you, and you realized it was your turn to tell them about what you’d been up to. 

“Oh, well, I.. I spent Christmas with my parents. My grandparents and cousins also came,” you were lying through your teeth. You avoided their eyes, sipping your soda. 

“Got any presents?” Benedict asked and you cursed at yourself internally for forgetting such a simple part of Christmas. And for making things awkward. 

“I got some clothes, some books. Pretty standard stuff,” you forced a smile, “What about you, Benadryl?”

Benedict rolled his eyes at your comment, making you and Tom fist-bump one another, giggling quietly as he told you about his own Christmas. The night was going alright, except for that rough start. Mostly you avoided any talk of your family, and you could feel yourself getting better, the further the conversation got from your family. Until-

“Y/n, what’s that on your hand?” 

Instinctively, you pulled your hand to your lap, straightening yourself up and gulping. You looked down, pretending to inspect it and then looked up. 

“It’s, uh, it’s dirt. Wow, I should really go wash my hands, haha-” Tom grabbed your hand from under the table, pulling it towards him. Your foundation was wearing off, a large purple patch stemming from your wrist and snaking up your hand revealing itself. 

You couldn’t breathe. Both Tom and Ben just stared at it. You tried to pull back but Tom was much stronger than you. Tears blurred your vision. 

“Y/n, what is this?” Tom whispered, and you felt his fingers rubbing the bruise gently. The tears finally fell, and now both men were looking at you. Benedict looked serious. It was an expression you’d never really seen on his features before, at least not outside of your acting. 

“I-I fell..” you mumbled, but you knew it was useless. 

“Y/n.. Who did this?” Benedict’s voice was low, gently setting a hand on your shoulder. You flinched. 

“I don’t know.. I don’t..” 

“Y/n!” Tom’s voice was raised. You immediately jumped away from them both, putting your arms in front of you in fear. Several people turned to look at you three. Shaking, you lowered your hands, and saw Tom and Ben staring at you worriedly. Tom had tears in his eyes. 

“Let’s talk about this back at the studio, okay?” Benedict, now afraid to touch you, spoke slowly and comfortingly. You nodded and then two men got up, standing on either side of you, grabbing one of your hands each. 

“Was it your dad?” Tom growled as you walked in the night, moon rising in the sky. 

“Yes..” you whispered, so low you wondered if they heard it, but they did. They both exchanged glances. Tom was furious. Benedict was too, but he was collected. Tom itched to ask you more and help you, console you right there on the street, but Benedict sent him a warning look not to. 

You walked back to the studio in silence. The three of you entered your trailer and you quietly wished you had predicted something like this would happen, because the bottle of strong pain killers was still out and open on your kitchen table. 

Benedict spotted them immediately and grabbed them. His eyes narrowed as he read the bottle description. Then he looked at you and then it again. Tom watched helplessly, holding your shoulders gently. 

“How many more are there? Bruises.” Ben was clearly angry. He was losing his cool, hands shaking as he grabbed your hand to pull up your sleeve. You tried to move his hand away, but he slid the sleeve up to your elbow and just stared at the blue, yellow and purple that littered your arm. Tom was frozen beside you. 

Ben slid up your other sleeve, breathing speeding up as he saw more, and then he tugged at the collar of your turtleneck, exposing the jarring and ugly sight of a red handprint. He pulled away suddenly, walking away from you. 

“Fuck!” he yelled, hitting the wall of the trailer. He hung his head low. You jumped and turned around, but Tom simply embraced you, and then sat you both down on the floor. You hid your face in his neck, sobbing again. Tom’s hands slowly rubbed your back. 

“Okay..” said Benedict after a while. You could hear that he’d calmed down. Ben angrily wiped a few tears from his face, turning to you and Tom on the floor. Tom was simply frowning now. He never wanted to let you go. He never wanted any harm to come to you. 

“I’m gonna call the police and get your dad arrested,” he said, and you heard his footsteps, as he wondered what to do next. 

“No!” you exclaimed, scrambling to your feet away from Tom. Both men looked at you in confusion. “No! You can’t do that, he’s- he’s just trying to get better. If I wait a little longer, he’s going to get better.” 

“Y/n..” Benedict whispered sadly and you ran to him hoping to stop him. “You can’t wait for him. You’re putting yourself in danger..” you shook your head, but Ben grabbed your shoulders and looked into your eyes, “he’s a grown man, Y/n. He doesn’t deserve pity or patience. Not after doing this. Nothing excuses this. Nothing.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, lip quivering, but still you nodded. 

“Can your mother take care of you?” Ben asked, piercing blue eyes still staring into your soul. There was no point in lying anymore, you knew. 

“No.” 

“Alright, then you’ll stay with me.” Ben declared, “You’ll stay with me until we can find someone from your family who can take care of you.” You looked up at him with shining eyes. Despite the uncomfortable situation you found yourself in, a genuine smile broke out on your face. 

You hugged him, thanking him breathlessly. Ben and Tom made eye contact, and smiled gently at each other. Tom had cried silently at your interaction. The thought that someone would hurt someone he loved so dearly shattered his heart completely. 

“Now,” Benedict said finally, “we need to drive you to the hospital.” 

You agreed and while Tom drove, Ben was in the backseat on the phone with the police department. You just watched the beautiful neon lights shining in the pitch black night, snow illuminating the ground. People still littered the streets. 

You knew it now. Your father didn’t deserve your waiting, and though it would take very long to finally live with and truly understand, it was worth it to start the fight. You truly owed it to the two jerks you worked with. What would you even do with out them?

[dracosathenaeum]

OBLIVIATE | D.M.  ABANDONED FIC OUTLINE

Hello~

I’ve had this fic for @fuckingdraco ‘s writing challenge outlined for almost a year now. Half of it is a skeleton; i have some scenes which are fully written out and others which are just first drafts and idea dumps. this is quite literally copied and pasted so good luck if you read it.

I never had the heart to completely delete it but never liked it enough to write it; so here is my 2.2k draft fo what would’ve been a series. 

If anyone decides to read it, be warned, it’s a mess. i just didnt want it to die in my notes so it’s having a life here, in my new section of my masterlist ‘fics that never saw the light of day’.

warnings: memory loss, fight scenes, gore, fighting

//

Being in a secret relationships had its ups and downs

You had to sneak around

But that just made the moments you were together so much more meaningful

You couldn’t brag about him to your friends

But the both of you were quite private people anyways, explaining your absences as studying in odd places

No one ever found out

It was just you and draco

The summer of 5th year was hard as he spent all of it in the south of France with his family

But it made coming back in 6th year so much more exciting

your fingers ached to touch him as you walked past his carriage

It was moments like this that you wish you could openly love him

But when your friends started gossiping about how Harry Potter thought he’d become a death eater, you were suddenly glad you weren’t linked to him publicly

That thought itself set a heavy weight of guilt on you

He came back in 6th year and he had changed

His kisses lost their spark

His eyes lost their light

He’d fuck you rough and hard, almost as if forgetting himself. Before making it up to you in the next instance

Slow love making that made you feel like you had just slept with an entirely different person

You followed him

You supposed you shouldn’t have

But he was skipping meals and you couldn’t exactly talk to his friends when they didn’t know you

You couldn’t confide in your friends as they wouldn’t understand

So you had no other choice

You followed him throughout the nights, and every time you would find him slipping into the room of requirement when he should’ve been slipping into bed with you

Once you had gauged what time he usually went and on what days you yourself went, 10 minutes before he was due

You watch as he fiddles around some ancient looking cupboard and you wonder why you’re jealous of a dead tree taking up dracos time

You watch as he sends things through, until finally it works for him

But its not happiness on his face nor relief

It looks like dread

He doesn’t look like he’s accomplished something, no there was no way

You watch as he takes off his tie, throwing it in the pile of robes and jumper

You watch as he rolled up the sleeves to his arms, the arms that had held you up more times than you could count

And you watch as the dark snaking lines of the dark mark are exposed on your lovers skin

His eyes whip round to see yours, instantly widening in fear

It isn’t until you try to walk towards him and he throws his hands up to stop you do you realise the shattered glass littered around you

He flicks his wand and you walk over, standing in front of him trying to figure out why

“How did you hide it from me for so long.”

“Simple charms, I was hoping you wouldn’t have to find out.”

More dialogue where he explains

“I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice.”

Draco please

“I can’t, I had to take this on my skin because my father fucked up”

“If I, if I stop now, I cant save my mother”

“Draco please, we can find a way around this”

You kiss him

And it feels like you’ve both gone back to before 6th year

When times were simpler

When he loved you and you loved him and that was it

No other interruptions

“Oblivate”

PART 1

“Y/n?”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Draco Malfoy, we share some classes but we haven’t spoken before.”

“Oh, im sorry, of course. I’m really tired I dont usually forget peoples names I swear. I must’ve been so tired I wandered in, I apologise.”

“It’s okay, the doors over there.” You take that as his polite cue of asking you to leave

He offers a tight smile, one you remember from first year, one you remember seeing across the hall as he’s shut down by Harry Potter

Poor guy must be going through something

“Y/n”

you turn, you dont even hesitate. You dont know what it is but you feel as if you’ve known him all your life

You change and you see a gold ring dangling from a dainty gold chain. You ask your friends if they’ve seen it before

im forgetting so much these days

But you keep it on, it brings you an odd sense of comfort

You keep it tucked beneath your blouse, bringing it to you lips on occasion when youre anxious.

//

He had forgotten about his ring, the very ring you had clasped between your thumb and finger as you worked on your essay. How was he possibly supposed to get it from you

he’s well aware he’s staring but his mind is whirling

He needs that ring

“Draco, isn’t that your ring?”

He should’ve obligated himself, that might’ve been easier

“I’m sure it just looks similar.”

“Draco, we both know that’s the Malfoy famlily crest, I wondered why you stopped wearing it.”

“Wait did she steal it?”

misplaced it

She picked it up

He had to awkwardly walk over to pick it up

“That’s my ring.” You had told him all about how your friends hated him and how you had feigned indifference the entire time

He had to act the part

Youre flustered, eyes flicking between the ring and him, fingers clasping it tighter as if not wanting to let it go

He notices and his heart clenches at the sight

Remembering the night he gave it to you

*flash back*

“I’m so sorry, I must’ve picked it up by accident here.”

“Wait, how do you even know it’s his, prove it Malfoy.”

“My vaults could buy Hogwarts, why would I be stealing gold from a nobody?”

Your cheeks flare up and your friends glare at him but see his side

You struggle to unclasp it, and of course you fucking do because his stupid fucking ass charmed it so only he could take it off

he watches as you struggle with it, turning to a friend to help before you have 6 girls pulling at the very expensive chain on your neck

“For fucks sake youre going to damage it, let me.”

Your breath hitches as his surprisingly warm fingers brush your hair out of the way, fingers working quick to unclasp the necklace, the weight of it leaving your neck and you feel surprisingly empty

“Thank you.”

You watch as he goes, your fingers scratching over your neck, feeling something bubble in your throat

This was pathetic, you were so sad over something that was never yours in the first place

You spend the remainder of the time trying to figure out how you cam to be in possession of it in the first place

//

your name is written in beautiful cursive on a letter that you cannot help but love

You turn it over to see a beautiful wax seal on it, fingers trembling as you break it

The chain is yours.

d.m.

You tilt the envelope over into your hand to feel the familiar weight of the chain in your hand, clasping it around you neck in an instant

You look in the mirror but you dont recognise yourself

Your friends are surprised when you study with them

When you go back to your dorm room at a reasonable time

And you dont have a clue where it is they think you go

But how could you possibly explain to someone what you font remember

The chain is too light around you neck, its just not the same, it feels as if it’s chocking you rather than bringing you comfort

You start digging through your trunk and draws, looking for something to act as a pendant before you finally do.

Hidden at the back of one of your draws you find a little velvet box you dont remember stashing away. But then again, you dont seem to be remembering much these days.

Its a tiny little constellation of stars, charmed to sparkle and you heart wonders why you had never worn it before. It was a simple little charm but once hooked onto the necklace, you look at yourself in the mirror and finally feel as though a little part of you has returned.

PART 2 THE CONSTELLATION IS DRACO

6th and 7th years are a blur

A blur of horror

You dont really understand how life had changed so abruptly

You dont know how you end up fighting in a war at the age of just 18 but here you are

Draco stands with Hogwarts

And then his mother calls

You’ve seen him

Of course you have

You know what he is, know what his parents are

But you also know what he has done to make Hogwarts more bearable for you under the Carrows watch

The small things, diverging attention away from you and your friends

He wasn’t evil and some part of you knew that

You watch as he takes a shuddering breath and starts to walk

You watch as no one stops him

You watch as he loses more of his soul with each step towards mr no-nose

You dont know why you do it

You run

Your friends call your names, teachers joining in

They think youre joining the other side, they think youre fucked in the head, as they had since that incident in 6th year

But no, you were just missing something

you catch up to him pretty quickly, pulling him to a stop

“Ah, another to join my cause. Welcome young lady.”

“You know me. Im missing something but whenever I’m with you, whenever im holding this stupid constellation close to my heart, I feel at ease. Why”

he stares at you incredulously, and why wouldn’t he. Youre in the middle of a battlefield, Harry Potter has just been declared dead and Voldemort is less than a meter away

But you dont feel scared

And you feel stupid for not feeling scared

“It has felt like I dont even know who I am for the past 2 years, what did you do to me?”

You know everyones watching, you can hear the gasps on both sides as they think the worst of him

“I did what was necessary.” That was the first time he had spoken more than 2 words to you since he had gotten his necklace back that day in the library

“Draco, this is no time to be flirting. Come join me, bring her with you if you want.”

He tenses as voldy rests a boney hand on his shoulder, pulling him towards the other side, away from you

“If you won’t be joining us, we will use you an example of what will happen if you dont join us.”

You stare at him unfazed, fear was something you had gotten used to

Your fingers grip your wand in hand, running through all the spell harry had taught you in the da but its not enough

You are no match for voldy as he throws an unforgivable at you

You hear screams around you but all you hear is silence, as if the world had finally gone silent

//

Draco watched as the spell hit you directly in the chest. He had spent 2 years living with his actions all for it to have gone to naught in a single second

He watched as the light from his wand hits you

Before rebounding off you as if it hit a shield

There’s a flash of black and his mother is infront of him, wand out from deflecting the spell from bouncing back and hitting him

“Mother?”

“She’s important to you?”

“She gave him one of the fucking family heirlooms, either she’s important to him or he’s an idiot”

His parents were… bickering in the middle of a battle

voldy recollects himself but before he can talk neville speaks up “I have no idea what’s going on but-”

Draco drowns out the noise as he stares at you on the floor, youre covered in dust and in blood but youre alive

He hears screams as harry rolls from hatreds arms, he hears the cries from death eaters but all can see is you

“We’re switching sides now?”

“I mean he’s fairly distracted, he won’t have time to hunt us down, we owe it to our son.”

Fight scene

You remember everything

Fred Weasley teases the both of you, “we have a war to win, you can fuck later.”

He copy his lazy grin, a grin that lights you up, a grin that reminds you what’s left to fight for

You see the spell before he does

Youre in an arms reach of him but Draco cant reach you in time

You push Fred to the floor, putting yourself in the line of fire by default and draco has to watch you get hit all over again

“We need to talk about what exactly it is ive been wearing around my neck this entire time.”

“I think only my mother can answer that.”

[if you made it this far, send me an ask with the word ‘chicken’ and i’ll send you a cursed photo xx]

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

did anyone else feel like everything in uni was just.... too much to handle???? like do this internship! do this extra curricular program! and this one and this one and this one!!!! all to prove how involved you are!!! build all your soft skills and hard skills and professional brand/identity now!!! what are you doing????? dicking around like that????? you have no time to dick around!!!!! DO IT NOW??!!! WHERES YOUR LINKEDIN??? WHERE ARE YOUR AND WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS AND YOUR CAREER ROADMAP????!!! WHY DONT YOU CARE ABOUT ENTREPRENEURSHIP AND BEING INNOVATIVE???? OH BY THE WAY WHERE ARE YOUR ASSIGNMENTS ON TOP OF ALL THIS OTHER BS YOU’RE MEANT TO DO AND CARE ABOUT????!!!!!

like bro you’re causing me and probably everyone else to have mental breakdowns and feel like failures if they don’t do all these things all at once at uni. sorry i couldn’t manage an internship bc i only got my licence after i graduated???? sorry that i felt like those programs would take too much energy out of me???? sorry i forgot to turn in all those bs personal reflections you wanted me to have done for that extra curricular program that i signed up for where i never got hired for any of the positions i applied for anyway???? sorry i don’t give a fuck about my professional image and how to set up a personal brand i have no fucking energy left to give a flying fucking fuck about it. why the fuck does it even matter??? and fuck your entrepreneurship and innovation/hustle lifestyle bs spiels! why the fuck am i supposed to care about these????? when my mental health is so fucking depleted that i had a panic attack to the point of throwing up in the bathroom over making my linkedin account and being a “budding professional”???? why don’t my studies count as being involved on campus???? because they’re literally all i can fucking handle, just barely???? like how much fucking energy and time do you think i fucking have???? thanks for your fake ass mental health events that don’t really work either. just fuck why can’t i dick around like you’re really supposed to do at uni???? how the fuck else am i meant to relax if i’m always meant to be thinking about hustling and all that bullshit??? hello???? why will no one answer me???? fuck you.

like obvs i know people will react to this with comments such as: “that’s why and how you’re meant to learn time management at uni!!! look at all the cute study hacks on tiktok to help you ☺️!” and “that’s how you learn how to handle multiple workloads and deadlines and stuff!!” or “that’s how college/uni simulates the real world of employment!!! if you can’t deal with this at college/uni maybe you should’ve just dropped out and realised that you needed to toughen up princess!!!” or whatever else. but y’all. like it was chronic. i was always tired. always burnt out. i felt like i had no time to “find myself “ or whatever the trope or expectation of uni is supposed to be. instead i was just hammered, to what felt like death, with “be entrepreneurial and grind/hustle your way to the top every day!!!! only care about your professional image and brand! everyone has one! do 10 internships today to prove your eligibility/validity and motivation to employers so you get into a grad program!!! hustle hustle hustle! innovate innovate innovate! where are your start up ideas to fix the entire world in a day???? here’s all these never ending deadlines for 50+ extracurriculars that you HAVE to meet otherwise you won’t get the award for these programs officially to show employers!” etc etc etc. but it honestly felt like so, so, so much to do and i felt guilty because i felt like i had absolutely no interest in half of the ECs, let alone, even the “required marks” (because more than half of the ECs at my uni required at least a 75 or distinction average) to get into like mentor high school kids or idek do a business incubator program or whatever the bullshit EC program options were.

and that above is not even counting the reflections that you had to do to say “yeah i did this program and i felt it was good and i learnt A/B/C about myself through this program so it’s defs enhanced my employability skills” to even be considered to be taking part in the program. it was all too fucking much on too little time and i fucking hated it. and that’s besides the point that i was focussing solely on all the employability workshops for my “career” and got literally fucking nothing out of them. like why can’t uni just be a time to dick around and find yourself, instead of doing useless fucking employability circus bullshit and hearing time and time again about the “entrepreneurial mindset” and how to “never turn off your brain for innovation and the hustle to be ahead of everyone else???? hurry up and have a side hustle like tutoring to show just how much initiative you have!!!!!” like i just don’t understand how my advanced diploma, my undergrad arts degree, and my albeit short lived and failed attempt at my postgrad degree dont show ENOUGH initiative to employers. i fucking hate it.

and i also i understand that me complaining about this after the fact (and also while i was at uni from 2015-2018/doing postgrad in 2019) can be seen as “oh you were just too lazy to get yourself together and grow up! typical millennial/gen z! too selfish to grow up and be part of the big, bad adult world!” but y’all. there needs to be more down time for students and less of a push to be “entrepreneurial” and all that bullshit during uni/college; so you’re not pushed to your absolute limits at uni til you have a mental breakdown and drop out/defer for a semester or a year. and that’s besides the fact that even in my fucking 3 month breaks at the end of every year i was actually BUYING my texts or textbooks early and doing some of my readings (books) MONTHS ahead of time and MONTHS ahead of even knowing the revised sets of texts (because half the time i bought them so early that i hd no idea that the prof had taken like 4 diff books off some courses and replaced them w/ other books instead for example) so i really had no proper downtime anyway. like i was utterly run off of my feet and i was burnt the fuck out every fucking year of my undergrad degree and also my postgrad and also business college in 2014; which was at least 50+ page assignments every fucking week. like that should count as initiative to employers.... but apparently it fucking doesn’t??? im fucking sick of y’all what the actual fuck do you want????

[khataabehangel]

yasser aldurra

If you are reading this, it is because you searched the name, “Yasser Aldurra” in order to get to know him better. You want to dig up some dirt on him to see if he’s really the “good guy” that he claims to be. I am here to tell you, that if he asks for you, stay the hell away from him at all costs.

If you are here because you are searching for him as a doctor, I don’t know anything about that. I have no idea how he is as a physician. This post is strictly about him as a romantic partner. You won't find any reviews for him here so move along; this isn't for you.

For everyone else who is here because he asked for you for marriage... let me introduce myself. I am someone that met him for just a few days. We spoke to each other with the intention to get married. I have never bashed anyone after getting to know them, but he is such a liar and a bad person, that I felt like it is my duty to warn girls about him. Most of this stuff I picked up on because he never shuts up and he accidentally revealed too much about himself without realizing it. The rest I found out after things ended between us. When I first met him, I really thought that he was perfect, and I couldn't find anything wrong with him. Let’s just say that I was very wrong about that....

Here are some takeaway points if you don’t want to read this entire post:

he has actual narcissistic personality disorder and ALL the characteristics associated with that disorder

He’s insanely cheap and has lied about how much he makes (even if you don’t ask)

he’s a liar

he’s a liar

he’s a liar

everything he tells you is a lie.even things that don’t seem like lies, are lies. don’t believe anything he says. he twists the truth and gives half-truths to make things seem more plausible and believable even though they are lies.

HE NEVER SHUTS UP. HE TALKS SO MUCH AND HE’LL NEVER LET YOU GET A WORD IN

he’s manipulative

his “deen” is so incredibly flawed, and it is not the correct Islam that me and you follow.

he sees women as being inferior to men, and that men should control women and be the person in charge of the relationship. That men have the final say in all matters and that their opinion is more valid than the woman’s.

He’s able to fake being a certain way until he gets comfortable enough to reveal his true self that he hides behind his façade 

he has no friends.

HES A GUY WITH NO FRIENDS. HOW MANY GUYS DO YOU KNOW THAT DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS?! I don’t freaking know any! he’s so intolerable that even guys don’t like being around him.

has no social skills

easily offended by EVERYTHING

his ego is as fragile as glasshe does not fight fair. if he gets hurt by something that you said, even if it was unintentional, he will say something exponentially more hurtful back to you as a defense mechanism. it’s not healthy.

he will never answer your questions directly. 

he will rush you to get married. he’ll use his age as the reason, but it’s really so that he traps you before you realize how trash he actually is.

he doesn't understand how to pace a relationship and will talk to you as if you've been together for years even if it’s just been a few days. He will rush you to move things forward even though you just met. When you refuse or say you need more time, he will try to make you feel guilty about it.

He constantly plays the role of the victim

He will try to make you feel sorry for him as a way to constantly control you and make things your fault, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

He’s ridiculously controlling

he’s disrespectful as hell, and will even be disrespectful to your parents and your family

he doesn't understand boundaries or when to stop doing something, even if you ask him directly.

he is extremely blunt and hurtful

his expectations for marriage are unrealistic and unachievable. the girl he’s looking for doesn't exist in this century

he’s been through some traumatic things in his life that he’s never gotten past and it has heavily influenced how he is today. He needs some serious therapy, but ironically he’ll never get it because he thinks he’s perfect and doesn’t see anything wrong with himself.

he is childish and immature, even at 36 years old.

his mom. he worships her. their relationship is SO weird. he will tell his mom about everything that you have talked about.his mom expects to live with him in the future

even though he lives alone, he never took the time to teach himself how to cook

he cannot care for himself at any capacity and expects other people to do it for him. 

He is racist

he has a hard time understanding new things that he is unfamiliar with. even things that are common sense, he struggles with. 

he will belittle you and your knowledge, to make himself feel better about not understanding something. He will also go into an insane level of detail about a random topic, and when you change the subject, he goes back to it. If you ask him to move on from it, he won’t 

He will control every conversation that you will ever have. He will do it slowly, and you won’t realize it until one day when you get a text from him, and you become disgusted with the idea of talking to him.

He is extremely opinionated, and any opinion that you have that disagrees with his beliefs, he will argue about it with you forever. 

He says everything that he is thinking, no matter how inappropriate it is. 

He has no filter. Although he lies like crazy about his past and his flaws, he is extremely honest about his expectations and how he wants you to treat him. This normally would be a good thing, except for the fact that he expects to be treated like some sort of god. 

he’s insanely judgmental and not understanding. Anything that you share about yourself will somehow get thrown back in your face and used against you.

Gets angry at the stupidest, smallest things and will make things into a bigger deal than they actually need to be

He gets mad very quickly, and he doesn’t forgive or forget easily. You basically have to kiss his ass for him to forgive you for the “thing” that you did “wrong”, which is usually something stupid. He does this as a way to gaslight and control you.He will create issues out of thin air just to control your behavior and how you treat him.

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Yeah......................... you should run for the hills. Do me a favor though and don’t tell him about this post. just say that you are not interested without giving a reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First of all, he is not as religious as he claims to be. 

He claims to have memorized a large part of the Quran and he knows countless ahadeeth, but in reality, he only knows enough to quote it out of context to make whatever backwards argument that he is trying to make seem valid. He will use religion as the main source to back up all of his very twisted, and extremely unIslamic beliefs. He also uses it as a shield to defend himself in almost every situation. He also misquotes the ayah in surah an-nissa to convince you that men are supposed to control women, even though that’s not what that ayah means. He bends ayahs and takes them out of context just so he can use a strong source like the Quran to back up his weird, and twisted beliefs that have nothing to do with what the Quran is ACTUALLY saying (because he’s taking things out of context and interpreting them how he likes). Also, he mostly uses this to sell you the idea that he’s “a good guy”. Do not buy it. Do. not. buy. it. it is a lie. People that are actually religious do not do the things that he does or twist Islam to suit them. Islam gives clear instruction to men that they are the CAREGIVERS of woman. They are responsible for taking care of them, for spending on them, and for the other responsibilities that the girl’s parents had before she married that guy. They are not the “controllers” of women. Instead, they should be the leaders in the relationship because they have a bigger responsibility.

Secondly, and more importantly, he is a complete liar and this stems from the fact that he is a narcissist. I do not say this lightly. If you look up the DSM-5 definition of it, he fits the criteria perfectly. What is narcissism?

Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

People with the disorder can:

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

Exaggerate achievements and talents

Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

Take advantage of others to get what they want

Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

Be envious of others and believe others envy them

Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment

Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted

React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior

Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change

Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection

Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

There’s a lot to unpack here. I know it’s a lot, but if you’re still reading this, it’s probably because 1) you are Yasser (hi!) you are so full of yourself that you googled yourself and got here or 2) you were actually considering moving forward with this guy, but you are now concerned (as you should be).

Let’s start with the inflated sense of their own importance.

He will talk about his achievements for hours if you let him. In general, he never shuts up or gives you the chance to speak. He has exaggerated so many of his achievements. The one most memorable to me was the fact that he claimed to have “two board certifications, and two specialties”. like... okay.... most doctors who have a specialty also are board certified in internal medicine... you're not special. He talks so much about how “hard” he worked to get to where he is today as if the people around him are just sitting on their asses doing nothing. He bragged forever about all the places that offered him a fellowship.. which ironically were only a handful. I did not feel like he was being honest about his job offers at all. and if he was, then he’s a complete dumbass for turning them down because the offer he ended up choosing was apparently a lot worse, according to him. so, he’s either a liar, or a dumbass... or both.

on that note: he would frequently bring up the topic of money and he overemphasized how “little” money he makes. Apparently, this is because he did not want people to take advantage of him, including the person he’s getting to know for freaking marriage. any idiot on the street will tell you that a doctor in this country, that has a specialty, and is working in a private practice makes well over $250-$350k MINIMUM. He kept saying how little money he made even though I never asked him about it or even mentioned it. Everything that he told me regarding the topic of money revolved around an idea from the Quran that is taken completely out of context: “a person who overspends is the friend of the devil” (misquoting the Quran and failing to mention the next ayah on how God does not like people who are excessively stingy).

He set an exact budget on how much money he thinks is okay to spend on certain items like cars, shoes, shirts, electronics, and even things like the heating bill. He made it clear which stores he likes to shop at (they were stores like kohl's and jc penny). It’s fine to have a budget and be smart with your money. But it’s not fine to ask the girl that you are getting to know how many shoes she owns, what stores she buys her clothes from, and then blatantly tell her that the places she shops are “too expensive” for him and that she can get clothes from Kohl’s and JC Penny like him. She can shop wherever the hell she wants to shop and spend however much she wants to spend. She didn’t get those things by using your wallet. You are just getting to know each other. Chill the fuck out. Just because he has a specific budget for how much he thinks it’s okay to spend on things, we weren’t even together, and he was already controlling and judging me for my spending habits. And just to be clear, I don’t even shop frequently, or at stores that are absurdly overpriced.  To hide the fact that he is so cheap, he then said “I don’t want you to think that I’m cheap. I donate a lot of my money to people in need.” A person who is not cheap doesn't need to say that they are not cheap.

For someone who speaks so highly of his achievements and success, it’s surprising that he constantly talks about how poor he is and how little money he spends.

I think we should talk about his biggest lie: what occurred in his past relationship.

Everything that he says is a lie, or some sort of twisted version of the truth. When I met him, he told me that he was divorced, which is true. But he made out his ex to be the shittiest person imaginable. He claimed that she was a “narcissist” (wow, projecting much?!). He also told me that he was the one who decided to end things with her, and that he “tried so hard to make it work but she was just very stubborn, controlling, and made him fear being around her.” He “didn’t feel safe around her.” When I asked him to clarify what he meant by that, he didn’t elaborate. It sounded like he was taking the words of his ex and using them to play the victim.

she apparently also wasn't there for him emotionally (which is imo impossible because he’s soooooooo goddamn needy, I can’t even imagine anyone even being able to fulfill this to be honest). He said that she didn’t pray, and he somehow didn’t pick up on this during their engagement!?! what a lie. whenever he would mention his engagement with her and all the “red flags” that he missed, he would always say, “I only blame myself, I’m dumb” trying to play the victim. worst of all.... he said that they were together only 6 months. Later on, I found out that they were together for TWO YEARS. I don’t know how the hell she managed to stay with his needy, controlling ass for 2 years, but may God reward her for what she endured. I couldn’t talk to him for more than a few days, I can’t imagine being with him for a few years. He bragged about how he paid her whatever was left of her mahr (dowry) and the class that she took when they ended things. He made it seem like his ex came from a very humble and simple family that was not very well-off financially, and that her dowry was A LOT.

I also found out that he was CRAZY controlling. His ex was apparently a super white and beautiful blonde. If they were in public and her sleeve came up a little to reveal her wrist, he would lose his shit. He was unbelievably jealous.

When they were signing the papers to get married, her parents, (who I found out later from someone.. are actually insanely well-off because her dad is a successful af businessman), didn’t ask for any mahr (dowry) because they trusted that his career as a physician is promising and that he would take care of their daughter. The person writing the papers said that they had to put down a number, because Islamically, it is the right of the girl to receive a gift from her new husband. So, someone in the room suggested $5,000. Not only did he agree to this ridiculously low number, but never even offered more when it was suggested. He just accepted it and moved on because he’s so cheap. Just for some perspective, I know that mahr can start anywhere from $10K-$15 and be as high as $50-$100K depending on how well off the guy is. This guy is a freaking doctor which means he makes that in like a week or so... Even as a resident or a fellow, that’s pocket change.

anyway. Her father got her a freaking brand-new Audi as a wedding gift, and her new husband gave her the promise of $5,000 after they get married... LOL.

so, when he was “bragging” about paying off her dowry when they ended things, I really thought it was a huge sum of money. it wasn't.

How he deals with his finances is really none of my business. I only mentioned it here because he would constantly mention it and emphasize that he didn’t want anyone (including his future wife) to take advantage of him. I could care less about how much money he makes because even though I never told him this (mostly because he never shuts up and I never got the chance to tell him about it), I am independently wealthy from a business that I opened up a few years ago. I am completely financially independent from my parents.

Although I never cared about his finances at ALL, it’s important to know that in Islam, a husband MUST spend on his wife. He MUST treat her well. and he MUST care for her and her finances. It’s his duty. Whatever money she makes, belongs to her. And whatever she wants to spend or save, is up to her. She can work full-time and save every penny that she has if she wants, WHILE HE SPENDS ON HER. She doesn't have to give him a cent of the money she makes (unless she wants to). AND even if she is working and she makes her own money HE STILL has to spend on her, and on the things that she needs while she saves her money or spends her money in the way that she wants. In Islam the husband MUST SPEND ON HIS WIFE. AND SHE CAN CHOOSE TO WORK AND SAVE HER MONEY IF SHE WANTS. AND IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO WORK, SHE HAS THAT OPTION, AND HE STILL HAS TO SPEND ON HER. WHETHER SHE WORKS OR NOT, HE HAS TO SPEND ON HER. anyway. that’s why I mentioned it. I don’t care about it, I just listed it just in case anyone that’s reading this does care about it so that they know what they're getting into. Go back and read the symptoms of narcissism that I included above. It literally mentions that people with this disorder have issues with their money. This has absolutely nothing to do with Islam, and everything to do with him and his condition. He just uses Islam to back up his twisted viewpoints by misquoting things and taking them out of context.

And Islamically, just so you know, God does not like those who are cheap with their wealth. He loves those that are generous with the money that He blessed them with. And He loves those that spend on their families. Those that have wealth and are able to afford more, are expected to spend more on mahr when they get married. THAT’S what the Quran says in surah baqara at the end of the second juz when the topic of marriage, engagement, and divorced are mentioned. So even if he was using Islam as an excuse to protect his money from his wife, he’s literally wrong and it doesn’t say that anywhere. In fact, in a hadith, it is mentioned that if someone’s husband is not spending enough on her and her kids to take care of them, she is allowed to take whatever money she needs from him without his knowledge or his permission.

His past relationship tells you everything you really need to know about him. For example, everything that he complained about his ex, were things that he does. He uses the exact character flaws in him that ended his marriage as being the character flaws that his ex had. For example, he is clearly a narcissist. You can pick up on this up within just a few conversations with him. Yet, he claimed that his wife was a narcissist, and she has all of the negative characteristics of one.

He claimed that she was controlling in the relationship, yet he has extreme controlling behavior. If I didn’t talk to him or give him attention for an entire day because I was at work, he would lose his shit. He would be passive aggressive then progressively more and more aggressive until I asked him what was wrong. Then he would lash out at me as if we’ve been in a relationship for years and I did something majorly wrong, even though I didn’t. Every free moment that I had was apparently to be dedicated only to him. If I wanted to go out and I mentioned that I was leaving my house, he would start a fight just so that I could stay home and “fix” things with him. Let me remind you that I only spoke to him for a few days..... we were not a couple at any capacity, so he had no right to do this. It was extremely manipulative behavior. I was constantly gaslighted by him. I would find myself apologizing to him very frequently, and most of the time I didn’t even know why. Everything that I said to him was offensive, even though it really wasn't. For example, I mentioned the word “FOB” once to describe someone, and he was so offended by it, even though it wasn't directed at him and I didn’t say it in a derogatory manner.

Back to his ex. He claimed that she never prayed and that this was the main cause of him wanting to end things... but the entire time that I was with him, he never mentioned how frequently he prays, even when I asked him about it directly. He claimed to be super religious, but I never saw that in his worship at all (but also, only God knows that so I can’t judge him for that.. I’m just saying what I noticed). He didn’t really make time for extra ibada. Which would be totally fine if he didn’t try so hard to sell himself as being “good and religious.” The entire time we spoke he kept saying how he was religious and how he wanted a religious wife. I also never saw that in his character. I never saw that with how he spoke to and about others. He looked down on everyone that wasn't from the same background as him or had the same education as himself. He was very disrespectful of others. I found that it mostly stems from his ignorance and intolerance of other cultures.

He said some really disturbing things about immigrants coming here and mooching off of the system. That they are basically living off of the taxes that he pays. Even though he is an immigrant himself, he didn’t believe that they deserve the same opportunities and chances that he got. He firmly believed that everything he has now was earned by him, and that he worked hard for it. It never crossed his mind that he was given a chance by people who stood up and fought for those rights and opportunities for immigrants. He always saw himself as someone who was “self-made.” He was extremely oblivious to the fact that he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he did, had it not been for those same opportunities that he didn’t think the other immigrants deserve. He was very arrogant.

His social interactions:

I heard from someone this crazy story about a girl he was getting to know:

He suggested that she and he go out to some restaurant to eat. After they finished dinner, he INSISTED that they get dessert. She said she was full, and she wasn’t interested in getting anything, but he kept insisting over and over until she finally said yes. She chose a brownie or something that she liked. And he didn't freaking order anything. He suggested that they share because she needs to be watching what she eats. Apparently what she chose was too many calories for her or something.

SHE DIDNT EVEN WANT DESSERT IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND WHEN SHE GOT IT YOU TOLD HER IT WAS TOO MANY CALORIES FOR HER!? It boggles my mind how hypocritical he is. Everything he says and does is carefully planned so that he can tear down someone’s self-esteem and self-worth just to make himself seem better. I interpreted this story as him being too cheap to get two desserts. He obviously wanted something, and he wanted to overcompensate for his cheapness by insisting that she gets something so she thinks that he’s doing this out of generosity. This way, he only has to pay for one dessert because he can suggest later that they share it. Also, the fact that she ordered what she wanted makes it seem like she's in control of the situation, but then he gaslights her. In order to get her half of the dessert, he can’t just ask to share. Instead, he uses it as an opportunity to take a jab at her self-esteem so that she questions herself. It’s actually kind of complex for someone as stupid as him. He’s crazy manipulative and controlling like that. It’s the only way he knows how to interact with people, really.

When I asked him about people in his community and the friends he has there, he was EXTREMELY defensive. This was honestly the biggest red flag for me. I asked because if we were to get married, I have to move to where he is, because he refused to move to where I am. I wanted to make sure that there is some sort of community around us that we can interact with. I wanted to know if I could build new friendships and relationships with people there. AND I wanted to know how likable he is, because from everything I saw in the few days that we spoke, he was very intolerable. I wanted to know if it was because he was always like that or if something was going on with him. I think it is a pretty fair way to gauge someone’s general demeanor. Everyone I know has AT LEAST one friend. People that don’t have friends usually don’t for a reason. Either they keep their distance from others, or others have a reason to keep their distance from them. In most cases, it’s a red flag about that person. But in some circumstances, it’s really not that person’s fault and there is nothing specifically wrong with them. So, I had to make sure for myself.

If a guy has no friends, he will automatically expect you to spend all of your time with him. He won't understand or accept you casually going out with the girls or having them come over. Also, in general, guys don’t have as much drama as girls. Even if a guy is a complete scumbag, other guys will find something about him that they like, and they will generally get along. That’s just how guys are. They're all chill with each other, even if they don’t know each other well, or at all.

So, when I asked him this question and he got extremely defensive, I knew something was wrong. He claimed that the guys by him didn’t invite him anywhere because he isn't married. Everyone in his community is apparently married, and according to him, he was outcasted because of his relationship status. ...which doesn't make any sense. I’ve never heard of this being an issue for anyone, guy or girl. At least in my community, single guys and girls all get invited to married-people events. I know this, because I get invited to those events.

Basically, he has no friends. He doesn't even keep in touch with his old roommates or classmates. He doesn't really talk to his sisters either. That’s why this question was so triggering and offensive. Even though it’s not an offensive question at all. “tell me about the community there and your friends.” Literally nothing wrong with it...

He’s a loser. I hate to say this, but he really is.

The only person that he talks to every day is his mom. And to be honest, she's not the best role model for him. That leads me to my next major point.

His mom

She basically made up a very elaborate fabricated story about her and her son and how she hasn't been able to find him a wife for some fake reason. It was a complete sob story told to a rishta auntie so that she can hook him up with some girls. Every part of that story was fake and was told in a specific way to shift blame from the trash that is her son and to also to instill empathy for them. If she got your number, most likely this is how she did it.

The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. She’s just as much as a liar as her son, if not more. I wouldn't be surprised if she taught him all of the manipulative things that he says and does as well as all the lies that he spews.

That’s not even why I mentioned her. The main issue you need to be concerned about is the fact that he’s in his freaking late thirties and she still has complete control over him. Their relationship is not healthy at all. Because she is the only person that he talks to, he tells her everything. And I really do mean everything, without any exaggeration.

Absolutely nothing off limits for what he shares with her, including private conversations with you. He will share EVERYTHING with his mom, no matter how personal it is and no matter how much you ask him to keep it to himself. and if it is something bad, he will use it against you later on and make you feel bad about it and judge you for it. everything that you have shared about yourself with him in private, he has already told his mom about. They have already discussed it, and they have already made the decision on whether or not they want to blow it out of proportion.

If what you shared about yourself or your life interferes, in anyway, with the plan that they have in mind for him... your issue will be exposed. For example, if you want to wait a year or two before having kids, this interferes with his plan to have kids immediately after marriage. HE WILL NOT TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS DIRECTLY. Instead, he will act like he is 100% okay with it and seem completely supportive of your decision. If you ask if he has a problem with it, he will lie and say no. Then after you hang up, he will call his mom immediately afterward, then tell her everything that you told him. THEN she won't even call your mom to complain... she will first call the rishta auntie that gave them your moms number and ASK ABOUT YOU even if the lady doesn't know you. The thing that you shared with him in private, and he said he was okay with, has now reached two other people without your knowledge. After his mom talks to the rishta auntie and tells her about this “world-ending issue” that has come to light...that lady will tell her that she doesn't even know you well enough to give any advice (about something that’s not her freaking business). then she’ll tell his stupid mom to take it up with your mom. So, within 20 hours of talking to him about a private matter that you both seemingly clearly agreed on... your mom will get a phone call from his complaining about it and how that’s not what he wants.

This “guy” is so emasculated by his mother, that he can’t even stand up for himself. It’s so pathetic. She has to speak on his behalf.

Sometimes it is okay for parents to step in because they handle sensitive situations more delicately and in an eloquent way. But for him, EVERYTHING was a sensitive situation, and he didn’t know how to handle any of it on his own. the worst part is that his mom is a complete bitch. She was SO rude when she was speaking to my mom. She was unnecessarily aggressive in her speech and in her tone. Like if she was at least able to handle things like a normal person, it would've been acceptable. But she was literally this biggest bitch I've ever met. I’ve never had a guy’s mom talk to mine in such rude way. It’s no wonder why he acts like such a baby, why everything offends him, and why he expects everything to go his way all the time. They literally think that just because he’s a doctor, that he needs to be worshipped and that the world revolves around him.

This happened several times when I was getting to know him during those few days. I eventually learned that there are absolutely secrets between them. Everything you tell him will reach his mom, and she will share it with the third party that got you guys in touch. I’m honestly not surprised that he shared everything I told him with her. It actually makes perfect sense.

You must understand that they have a very weird relationship for a reason. You are not just going to marry him... you are also marrying his mom. That’s one of the reasons that she has to know you so well. One of his conditions is that you have to be okay with her living with you guys. He is adamant about this. He has a room for her in his place for when she comes to visit, but she's planning on moving in permanently. But yea, his mom has fully reinforced his toxic behavior and expectations. It’s perfectly okay to live with your spouse’s parents. But it’s not okay for them to learn everything about you, and for you to not have any privacy with your spouse. I blame his trash character on her and her Karen-ness.

On that note..

His trash character

If he hasn't shown this to you yet, because he is still on his “fake” persona that he puts up early in the relationship.. then heed my warning. Strap yourself in for the hell that you are about to experience (or have already experienced).

Expect him in the beginning to “love-bomb” you. meaning, he will overly praise and admire you all the time. He will put u on a pedestal and tell you that you are the best person in the world. that if he ends up with you he will be the luckiest guy ever. You are perfect in every way, and everything that you have done is a huge achievement (even if it’s something basic). He will list out all of the things that he loves and adores in you. this will come literally the second time you talk lol. He’ll act crazy obsessed with you.

BUT..... he is ONLY doing this because 1 of 2 things are about to happen. The first is that he is craving for you to admire him in a similar manner. He is literally teaching you how he wants you to praise him (all the time btw). He wants you to compliment him back. Everything that he said is straight up just him fishing for a compliment. Don’t give him one. You don’t need to. Just general advice: you don’t owe a guy anything for what he does. If you want to compliment him on something you genuinely like, go for it. But NEVER feel obligated to compliment a guy just because he complimented you. It’s okay to just say “thank you” and accept it.

The second, is actually really scary. This is a tactic that narcissists used when trying to trap someone. Remember the term I used earlier, love-bombing? Well, this is actually a tactic that narcissists use in their cycle of abuse. It’s not healthy to have such strong feelings towards someone you just met. But that’s how he’ll talk to you. If you want to learn more about what I’m talking about, read this article to get a better idea: https://www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing#soulmate-claims

Eventually he will start gaslighting you. Making you question yourself. making you feel like everything that you say and do is offensive to him. You will start apologizing to him for stupid things.

Out of all the lies that he told, he was ironically very honest about his uncontrollable anger. He gets angry, UNBELIEVABLY quickly and about EVERYTHING. If something goes wrong, it is the end of the world for him. He lashes out immediately, in a very rude and disrespectful way (...does this remind you of someone........? if you said his mom, good job!). Just like a bratty little kid lashes out disrespectfully at people around them when they don’t get their way... this guy is the same way. If he is “offended” by something... which is literally everything. Everything that freaking offends him.. he lashes out. If it is an issue that deals directly with his future with you, and his bratty behavior is not applicable, that’s when his mom is involved.

Yasser, if you are reading this, please grow the fuck up. you are in your late thirties, stop acting like a prepubescent dickless little boy who's balls haven't dropped. You are a grown ass man, act like it. Real men don’t have their moms listening in on every conversation, fighting their every battle, and being their only friend. Real men deal with their issues in a calm and respectful way, not by disrespecting the other person, projecting their issues onto them, and purposefully saying something mean to hurt them because they apparently hurt you. grow the fuck up.

You need therapy to deal with your mommy and daddy issues. You need therapy to deal with your textbook case of narcissism. you need therapy so that you can stop being such a shitty person so that maybe one day, someone other than your mom will love you.

I’m glad I met you, because you were the absolute worst person I’ve ever met in my entire life. Now I know exactly what to avoid with future guys that I meet, and I also have the comfort of knowing that no one will ever be as horrible as you.

If you don’t plan on bettering yourself after seeing this, I hope that if you do get married that you end up with someone who deserves you because they are just as shitty as you. I hope they take advantage of you and the money you keep hoarding. I hope they lie to you about everything in their life and in their past, and you don’t find out until it’s too late and you can’t leave or end things. I hope that they use your vulnerabilities against you. I hope that they disrespect you and belittle you. I hope that they are able to control you in every aspect of your life. I hope they are able to deal with your psychotic mother in a way that hurts you. I hope you are emasculated in your own marriage, and that your wife wears the pants in the relationship. I hope she makes decisions without you, and I hope it drives you crazy.

I hope your ex-wife got remarried to someone who actually deserves her and appreciates her. I hope their relationship is happy. I hope that her happiness with her new husband makes you completely miserable because you lied about how horrible she was and you abused her.

You lied about and exaggerated the things that I said to you in private and exposed me. I hope that you are exposed to everyone, just like you exposed me and my secrets. You may have told lies and exaggerations about me, but I’m telling the truth about you. Everything you said about me is nothing to be ashamed of. But everything about you is disgusting and shameful. You’re lucky that I didn’t go into more detail about how horrible you are, and the outrageous things that you said and did. This was in no way revenge. I could care less about you or getting back at you. I wrote this because I hope that every girl that meets you finds this post and heeds my warning about you and they are protected from you, your mom, and both of your evil. It’s a shame, that you have so much potential to be a good person, but you choose to be this way. I feel bad for you.

If you are a girl that met this fool and you want to share your experience, feel free to make an account if you don’t already have one and share with us. I genuinely hope that this post helps someone. I would love to know that it has. Leave me a message if this helped you in any way, even if it does not relate to him directly. Please don’t send him any hate on my behalf, that’s not the intention of this at all. I would prefer if he doesn’t see this, so don’t send this to him if you know him. If he does find it on his own, that’s on him.

If you are someone who is in a relationship with a guy or a girl you suspect has narcissistic personality disorder, please leave that relationship asap. It is not healthy for you. They will traumatize you and leave a lasting impact on what you’ll expect your future relationships to look like. You deserve better. Even if you don’t think that you do, YOU DESERVE BETTER. Leave. It’s better to be single than to be with this type of person.

[nathank77]

4/7/24

6:13 a.m

It had occurred to me that I spend all day on my tumblr writing... all fucking day and if Elise is here, she must love me to read every word. Cause I write a book every single day.... and atm all about my glasses. She prob thinks I'm a fucking nerd.

Anyways my comfy beau frames do leave a mark!

What the fuck ever they don't touch my cheek and the marks are smaller than the rimless.

This is why I'm pissed but one pair at lens crafters really is close to 300$........ I can't do it this year.

And having 3 pairs is required... I'm not being snobby it's like replacing your eyeballs every year... and just the focal point being off makes your vision less clear...

So yea... next year maybe I'll get one pair at lens crafters and buy face squeezers at eyebuy one or two pairs a few months later cause 300$ is really going to put me out.

I chipped my old glasses last year and idk how i didn't even drop them. Thankfully the chip was off to the side of my vision bc they were already uncomfortable but I could still see it.

I just want comfortable eye wear. And I want my eyeballs to be accurate so I can see clearly.. tbh I'm not going to lie yes wearing my glasses does infact improve my vision significantly but someone like Elise, or anyone with 20/20 if my glasses were their script and it changed in a day and they wore my glasses they would be like ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

This isn't right. This isn't clear or what I can see everyday....

That's okay though. Being a poor guy and not having money is just part of not getting quality anything especially not glasses with clarity... hopefully I can get more refunded....

Part of me is like I should call and ask for beau instead of emerge my refund will be much more significant....unless they charge me for higher quality lenses which they might... I know they did for the emerge...

Idk. I spent less this year than last. And I'm getting 3 designer frames.

Tbh two pairs would be nice. I'd settle one half frame, one thick black full frames that just fit my face please...

I dread the day I need Progressives... that's going to be hell if I don't get fitted at lens crafters..

I'm truly considering not wearing glasses anymore. I've got a list of good reasons..

People don't find me attractive on dating sites, my focal point is fucked in every pair, they leave marks on my head or are head squeezers. My comfy beau dont feel like head squeezers..... but they do leave marks. But they are the most comfortable pair I've ever owned..... they might as well not be on... that's how comfortable they are in comparison to everything else I've owned.

With that being said my Ray-Bans are comfortable until I smile or laugh...

Everything is saying NATHAN THROW AWAY YOUR GLASSES. EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM IS ALL WRONG AND YOU'RE FUCKING UP YOUR SIGHT MORE MAKING YOURSELF ADJUST TO THE FOCAL POINTS BEING WRONG.

How do I proceed?? I need to get like another 37$ back, cut my losses and return a few and then save up for one pair of lens crafters glasses......

[tabithalovesstuff]

Witchcraft Asks #1-105

I hardly ever get asks so I'm going to do this all at once, I'll also repub the original after this too, tag you're it!

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? Solitary

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? Witch, I kind of consider myself pagan too but not as much since I don't consider my practice a religion

3. What is your zodiac sign? Libra sun sign, Sagittarius moon, Virgo Rising

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? Nope, I don't really believe in any of the Gods lol

5. Do you work with a Pantheon? Nope

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination? Tarot, and I want to get into pendulum too but I've been too broke to buy one

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) I don't practice with herbs 🤭 mostly cause they are hard for me to get lol

8. How would you define your craft? I generalize it by saying I'm a Eclectic Secular Witch that specializes in energy work and tarot

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? I don't really do curses, how ever that is because I haven't had the need to do one, I think its fine to do them as long as you know what you are doing

10. How long have you been practicing? Technically I started in Middle school, but I've only truly started to get into it and truly practice for the last 2 years (but if you count when I started then 8 years)

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? I do not, i have pets they just aren't attracted to magic enough to be a familiar lol

12. Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation? Yes to both

13. Do you have a magical name? No I don't, I feel like my real name is enough

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? Technically, I don't try to hide it but I don't talk about it a lot so not a lot of people know I'm a witch.

15. What was the last spell you performed? I know some witches don't count these but I did an emoji spell for the coronavirus

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? More or less, I feel like I'm decently knowledgeable but not enough to be a teacher or leader

17. Do you write your own spells? Yes I do

18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up? I do have one, its a very personal one that includes more than just magic almost like a journal. I write down information I want to be able to look back at as well as any spells and rituals I write myself and tarot readings for myself, and sometimes dreams.

19. Do you worship nature? I do

20. What is your favorite gemstone? Opal

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? No I don't, I wouldn't be against it though

22. Do you have an altar? Yes, kind of. Its really messy rn and doesn't really look like an altar

23. What is your preferred element? Either Earth or Air, I'm always stuck between those two

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? Not at all lol I've never made any sort of potion

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? Nope, though I do have an interest in cryptozoology but I don't know if that counts

26. What got you interested in witchcraft? Tbh I wanted to turn myself into a mermaid or a wolf (which is why I started in middle school lmao)

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? No I haven't, just cause I focus so much on energy work, sometime I find other people's energy distracting

28. Have you ever used ouija? Yep, nothing really happened though

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? Not really, maybe to a certain extent.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? I feel like a Deer is my spirit guide

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? I need to lower my expectations and I need to focus on feeling the magic over going through the motions

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? I try to! Doesn't always work out for me lol, I really like both Litha and Samhain

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? Yes I plan too

34. Do you meditate? Yes, but not as often as I should

35. What is your favorite season? Winter, I feel like all seasons have their perks though and living somewhere with one season would suck ass

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform? Energy magic, as a witch that doesn't have good access to supplies (and space) it is the easiest for me (I have a post all about energy magic on my profile too)

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? Energy magic makes it really easy, like brushing my teeth or hair, taking a shower, even making food can all have a magical element to it

38. What is your favorite witchy movie? Honestly? Casper Meets Wendy lol, or the Halloweentown movies, or the Twitches movie

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? I haven't really read very many witchy books ngl

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. Again, this was back in middle school, I did a spell on the full moon to turn into a werewolf. Obviously not successful

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? I did a cleansing spell on my dorm room my freshman year of college once a week cause I had a toxic ass roommate and she requested a room change before the end of the semester because of a "bad smell" that no one else could smell but her.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use? I don't use candles, because I'm not allowed to have them in my school dorms, I want to get into candles more though

43. What is your favorite witchy tool? My tarot cards lol

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? Nope, I want to though

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits? Not really, I dabble in it here and there though. I would love to work with the fae more though

46. Do you practice color magic? Yes, all the time

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? Nope

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? Online, I mostly use stuff I find around my house or on the ground outside though

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? Not fully, I think every person is born with a long list of possible fates and the paths you choose in life determines where you end up

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? I try to do free tarot reading on here or meditate more, sometimes looking through my book of shadows helps too

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? Yeah I've had a few

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? When people try to say there is a certain way you have to practice and some forms of witchcraft "aren't real witchcraft" just cause they don't practice in that way

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? I do, I don't really have a favorite, I like trying a bunch of different kinds at once

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? I kind of write my dreams down in my book of shadows, I don't keep up with it very well though

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? I can't say if I've ever really had one. I did a job spell and even though I got an interview I didn't get the job, and then was unemployed for a few months until after college semester, then I got hired at my old job. In the spell I said I wanted to be hired somewhere that was as good as my old job so my spell brought me right back to it

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? The cleansing ritual story I mentioned above. Once that roommate was out of my life I was so much happier lol.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? Speaking incantations, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself lol

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? Yes I do, especially because I am an atheist

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? Not scared, but definitely unsure and insecure. Spell work is tricky, especially writing my own spells, I feel like I'm not doing them well enough

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? Yeah sometimes, I get so bad about actually practicing and I want to get to the point where I practice every day and I always celebrate the Sabbaths and have a wide variety of crystals and learn astrology and so much more

61. What is something witch related that you want right now? I still need to do the money spell I wrote awhile ago, but it has to do with enchanting work uniform and I'm kinda unemployed rn

62. What is your rune of choice? I don't have any experience with runes, sorry lol

63. What is your tarot card of choice? The Star

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? No I dont

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? Nope

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? I would if I had any, but I don't lol

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? Not really, but that's because not a lot of people know about it, I definitely feel like the people that do know don't take it seriously

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? Nope

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? I don't think it is. I suggest it definitely but it isn't required. Its a lot if history to break down and you don't need to know the history to practice

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? I like the feeling of all the things in the world around me, which I feel like you only get from the training you go through when learning witchcraft. I also enjoy the ability to cleanse my environment and myself

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? No one really takes you or your craft seriously, and because of some people taking parts of the craft, I feel like being a witch is almost seen as some joke

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? No I don't, unless you count instrumentals that raise your vibration

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how? I honestly am not sure if I do or not, I don't think I've heard any of the holidays I celebrate called that? I celebrate the pagan wheel of the year holidays so if those are apart of that then yes 😂

74. Do you ever work skyclad? I do sometimes

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? Very much so, even though I still struggle with depression and anxiety, witchcraft has made it so much better than it use to be and I feel like I'm happier since I started practicing, my view of life has become more wholesome

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? Nature mostly

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) honestly yeah I do, for sure

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? Don't have one

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? I would, but I haven't in anything so far but that's just cause I haven't felt like a spell needed blood magic

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? No I couldn't be, I don't want to hide parts of myself from someone that should know me better than anyone else

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? I want to explore astrology more and include that more. I also want to do more spell work and ritual work

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? Again I don't use candles, I do have a air scenter from Bath and Body works and I had a Pumpkin Spice Cupcake scent that was soooo good

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? I don't, but that's because I don't really do rituals, I want to get more into them though

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? I don't know any real life witches tbh

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? I don't work with them so...

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? I keep them all on the shelf below my altar, my organization skills lack a lot though

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? Not that I know of, my family does come from Ireland though (within the last 3 generations too) so it could be possible

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? I created my path through growing up and becoming more aware of my surroundings, and as I matured I understand more and more what witchcraft is really about. And I did it all on my own which is what I think is unique about it

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? I feel like I am clairvoyant to a certain degree, and I've always had above average visualization skills

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? I feel like you can initiate yourself

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? Nothing because I was a child with no money lol

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? I live in Colorado when I'm not away at school and the entirety of the mountains are pretty magical

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? I am definitely not the person for this question lol

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation? I like to sometimes put on gentle music or nature sounds, quiet every thought that comes into my head

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? It came really easily for me, I think its cause I use to read SOOOO much as a kid

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? Night, idk why I just feel more at peace at Night

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? This depends on what the spell is, but generally sometime in the evening in my room is the best 😂

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? I definitely stumble, I still struggle with casting circles

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? I think it does, at least I feel like it comes more naturally with time and practice

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? None of the above

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? Yeah I do, all the time

102. What is your favorite color and why? Green, I've just always loved green since I was a kid idk why

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? "What do witches even do?" I usually just say its complicated, because it is complicated lol

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? I want to say my hearing but I feel like my taste is pretty good too

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? Always cast a circle and ground yourself before a spell. I am really bad at it lol

[thefeckisthis]

manifestation and religion

disclaimer: im going to write my opinions on religion and if you consider yourself a believer - dont get offended as we all have different experiences and beliefs. also, i will be mentioning some stuff that most people find weird and unusual so please keep your mind open and leave your judgment somewhere else.

i wrote quite a bit and then my clumsy ass accidentally closed all tabs and everything was gone so this time ill write my intro in short version. so we all heard the saying ‘’be careful what you wish for it may come true’’. well it does come true and it has proved to me so many times, and before i get to the basics of law of attraction and manifestation I am going to say a bit of background how i got to it all.

as most of my country i was raised christian and had to practice the religion until i was 14/15 and got my holy confirmation so after that i was finally happy that i did not have to go to church if i did not want to. my family is not super religious, we do follow the holiday traditions and such as its normal in our country, but personally i dont give them much meaning. two of my family members are religious and i am grateful because in a place as my hometown our parents gave us free will when i came to religion (after our confirmation only :P) .

 with all my experience and research i came to realise that christianity is most rotten, corrupted, vile and disgusting religion there is. there are exceptions that were better than rest, that is a small number unfortunately. i always considered myself agnostic, there is no defined god but there is something bigger than humankind and its still unknown. and you look at all the religions you will find that mostly all of them have same stories, people and facts, just bit amended  to their culture.  so to explain a bit, here is internet definition of agnosticism # Agnosticism is the view that the existence of God, of the divine or the supernatural is unknown or unknowable. Another definition provided is the view that "human reason is incapable of providing sufficient rational grounds to justify either the belief that God exists or the belief that God does not exist."  and no, atheist is not the same. heres couple of pictures giving some insights 

so now that we have that sorted out i would like to stress out that i never had anything against people who believe in god or dont believe in god, i have friends who are strong believers and friends who are atheist, its just called being adult and accepting people as they are. not enough people can do that. 

so i did lots of research on religions and i do like polytheism  ( Polytheism is the worship of or belief in multiple deities, which are usually assembled into a pantheon of gods and goddesses, along with their own religions and rituals) so i always had huge interest in roman and Greek deities, Egyptian as well and for a while was reading about Hinduism. of course i read a lot about all other older civilizations and most of them are based on polytheism. 

during my exploring i came across a doctrine about paganism (havent fully finished all the books and here is a link if anyone would be interested in buying https://despot-infinitus.com/proizvod/paganizam-u-teoriji-i-praksi-doktrina-paganizma/) and i really liked the whole idea of it and i am still actively considering of becoming a white witch/wicca and reading those books inspired adding bit more on my pentagram tattoo, which is actually representing five elements so with added moons it represents triple goddess symbol.

many people ask me is that devils sign and am i a satanist, and that is ridiculous assumption based on only one symbol. and as a matter of fact i have been  reading about satanism itself as well (of course i have) and its quite surprisingly peaceful religion and makes more sense than christianity does. to read more about their rules (which are way better than 10 commandments) click here - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LaVeyan_Satanism#Basic_tenets

those who know me a bit better know that i love paranormal stuff and that i have strong connection with it and that caused a lot of paranormal experiences in my life (i bring all the ghosts to your yard aaayyy) so i recently also discovered demonology ( Demonology is the study of demons or beliefs about demons. They may be human, or nonhuman, separable souls, or discarnate spirits which have never inhabited a body.) and that you can actually learn how to practice it and cant lie that also interests me as well as you contact demons and entities and you work together to learn about world and history and you give them chance to peacefully experience the world (they literally posses you and that way they get to taste food and emotions etc)

yes this is quite informative post as well. and yes, you will all probably deem me insane after reading all this. and what i noticed is that all of them mentioned above work on the principle of cooperation, you have to give to receive. and i dont mean like you have to make blood sacrifices to get your wishes, i mean you have to put in some effort in it and show good intentions and most important of all  - you have to show some respect.

so to finally get to the reason why you are all here. manifestation and law of attraction.

there were loads of instances in my life where i noticed small details that most of people wouldnt notice and after googling them one word kept coming up - universe. so automatically when you start look into that law of attraction and manifestation  come up as well, they all g hand in hand like little happy family.

So law of attraction is something you all definitely had experience with. Basically its what you put out to the world is what you get. Simple change of mindset can change everything in your life. Have you noticed when you are happy and spreading happiness everything around you seems nicer, people are nicer to you, nice things happen and then when you are in bad mood everything is going bad.

Sounds familiar? That is law of attraction for you people. you’re releasing/giving good vibes to the atmosphere and people around you so universe makes sure to give good things back. notice that give and take relationship here? Dont be fooled tho, its not always as simple as it sounds. it is especially hard when you get into that deep hole of feeling bad a and depressed. it is really hard to change your train of thoughts and get yourself to think positive. universe wont award you for one good thought, it has to be series of it and you really need to feel them. you truly need to be in a good moment to get something back from universe.

say thank you to people serving you, ask people how are they, show that you care, pick up a paper from street and throw it in a bin, smile to everyone, pet a random animal on a street, anything counts. and dont do it just because you expect something huge from universe as most of the time universe will give back with good things as well, someone will help you, smeone will compliment you, you’ll get free cup of coffee, just random things like that. you will be surprised that good things will come to you in a moment you need. it also makes you more grateful for everything in your life and makes your everyday nicer and more positive.

then we come to manifestation. 

thiiiiiis my people is bit more complicated than just law of attraction, but one without other does not go. there is no definition of the manifestation, but it is a fact that if you want something really bad universe will give it to you. i had universe manifest so many of my things that i wanted, just took a bit of time. maybe it has happened for you too. sit and think how many things did you wish for and you have them now? there are certainly more than few things that come to your mind. i can easily name at least 10 things that universe manifested for me without even realizing that was it.

there are many ways to manifest something and it is impossible for me to write everything about it in this post as it is bit more complicated than law of attraction, but i will try to outline some things and believe me when you google manifestation you will find loads of examples and you can read for days about it. 

every single wish you want to manifest you can, it just requires some work and that is the hardest part. there are many ways of manifesting something, scribbling, drawing, visualizing, meditating and many more - you need to find something that works the best for you. you need to have clear vision of what you want (general idea wont work), you have to want it really strongly and you need to start working towards it, even little steps - remember when i said you have to give to receive, same with universe. it wont just drop it in your lap because you decided it would be beneficial for you. 

and have in mind very important thing universe will always provide and it will give you what you deserve when you are ready for it.

so yes, it means it can take waaaay longer than you expect it, it may not be hours, days it may be years, it just means that you are not ready for it yet but that doesnt mean universe is not working on bringing it to you. all the work you put into it will definitely be worth it.

for example i fell in love in marketing in university and always wanted a job in that field. it did not get easy to me at all. i spent long five years applying for the jobs and either getting rejections or no answer. and believe me that could put me in such bad mood sometimes that i just wanted to give up on everything. add to that anxiety struggles and that makes it even harder. and as mentioned in the last year i worked on myself mentally, my anxiety has been on lower levels for a while and it does spike up now and then and it messes things up, but i’ve been happier mentally then i ever was in last 5 years and towards end of the last year more and more good things started to come my way and then i finally got that long awaited job.

i am still looking a proper way to thank universe for making it happen for me as that is also important thing for manifestation.

going to use myself as example - being a cheerleader, moving to another country, going to enrique iglesias concerts, visiting loch ness and Neuschwanstein Castle and many more were just big wishes at one point and so far they all came true and i couldnt be happier. it can be small things as well, once i tried to test it and i wanted to manifest a drink date. so i kept thinking how i will go for a drink with someone next week. and it happened, next week i went for a drink with a guy i just met, completely unexpectedly. i didnt specify anything else other than gooing for a drink at that was the only thing that happened.

once wished for more money (also nothing specific stupid me haha) and after two days i found €5 on the floor. not much but universe did provide what i wanted :D

as i’ve said, manifestation is more complicated than law attraction and requires strong mind and strong will, so not only that you get what you wish and work for - it makes you a better person as well! To end this i am going to leave couple of links you can visit and see more about them, or if you’re more adventurous just google manifestation and enjoy your journey :) https://medium.com/thrive-global/9-principles-of-conscious-manifestation-3d2df7a4a87

https://elysesantilli.com/what-is-manifestation/

https://blog.mindvalley.com/manifestation/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNFXNnKOLdA5ZD7Sn2p5aQ/videos

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvptCAXYmDZMOffniGRfomQ/videos

[imfemalewarrior]

Hi i've been following your blog for awhile and I really love the warrior inspiration but i was wondering if you could reel back the anti-weight loss message? I totally agree that society puts too much pressure on being tiny and most women dont need to lose weight and are healthy but where I work at the hospital we have a lot of bariatric patients who are 500+lbs and are so big their weight is crushing them. When they're put on a weight loss program we like to give them sources (cont)

(Cont) of inspiration and fitness goals to help keep them motivated and I’d like to recomend your blog but I’m worried about them reading how often you say weight loss isnt a goal and shouldnt be the end result. I understand if you dont this is your blog and I dont want to offend you by trying to dictate whats on it. Either way im a huge fan of your message and your content and will keep following you. Again sorry if this is really rude. 

I’m gonna preface this by saying I added a cut, and I’m very passionate, not angry, under said cut. And all my questions are genuine, not trying to be sassy here, because the questions I am asking are based on my own journey to a fitness lifestyle (which I am currently writing a book about how to do). I’m also asking them because I have very little info to go off of here.  I also really think you should DM me because I can discuss this in more detail/more specific to your situation, and how my blog can help these patients. 

Your patients either:

1) Don’t know about things like HAES/body positivity/body inclusivity and will find out about it because it’s everywhere at this point

2) Already know about it

You aren’t “protecting” them and their motivation by not telling them about blogs like mine that try to tell people how to lead a sustainable fitness lifestyle (with an emphasis on Martial Arts, yes I’m biased). Your patients aren’t stupid, especially if they are already seeking treatment in the hospital. So, why not use resources like HAES/body positivity/my blog/body inclusivity to help motivate them? (We also did this video on motivation). 

What I’m saying is, I think my blog would help your patients more than you realize, as I have a lot of questions on here from beginners I have answered in the past, and I talk about more than anti-weightloss as you have seen. 

Some things on my blog that might help your patients: 

I talk about how to overcome/ignore the voice in your head telling you that you look awful when you are exercising. I talk about how you can Start exercising (search beginner on my blog). 

That being said, I’m not a doctor so this post will be coming from the heart/my personal experience with my journey to leading a fitness lifestyle based on HAES and body inclusivity. Some of this stuff I had independently come up with and found out about HAES later, and that HAES teaches a lot of the same things. 

What kind of inspo and fitness goals are you giving these patients? 

I’m genuinely asking this question because when I search “Martial Arts Women” to try and inspire my followers I get a bunch of pictures of thin, usually white, Women. Same if you Google ballerina (but you do get some diversity in body types when you Google weightlifting Women). It isn’t very inspiring for Women that don’t have that body type (me included) if you don’t see anyone that looks like you doing the activities you would like to do. It’s why I ask my followers to submit pictures to my blog, so we can get a diversity of body types doing everything (search the submission tag, I also just reblogged a ton of them so check those out). 

What long term and immediate goals are you giving these patients? What incremental goals are you giving these patients? 

This takes a page from Marie Kondo; she recommends visualizing what you want to get out of tidying up. The same goes for developing a fitness lifestyle. You need to know what you want your lifestyle to look like with fitness thrown into the mix. Mine were something like: be healthier, be stronger, actually stick with exercise (a problem for me because I get bored if there are too many sets/reps-so Martial Arts and dance is perfect for me), cook enough food at home that I would eat that over the week and feel satisfied so I would stop buying food when I was too hungry to function during the day. I also want to be the most dangerous thing walking down the street (this will be a lifetime of dedicating myself to Martial Arts). 

These are long term goals, some of which are easier to attain than others, some require developing habits, and these habits need to be incorporated into my lifestyle. To do this I need incremental goals, and I talk about those on my blog as well; I very specifically talk about the importance of accepting that you won’t be able to do everything right away, and how you need to start small (low reps and sets, or maybe an easier version of a push ups such as a wall push up to learn proper form and build strength to do things properly/safely). So how are you working with your patients so they can figure out what they want out of this, how are you helping them develop manageable goals, and how are you helping them make lifestyle changes? 

Do you give them a target weight, or do you work with them to figure out what they want their “end” result to be? I say “end” because fitness a lifelong journey and a lifestyle that needs to be sustainable. Things like exercise that gets you moving in a way that works for the individual doing the moving (does not cause pain, is enjoyable for the person, the person can do the movement or an easier version of the movement), things like cooking for yourself (this lets you control what goes into the food you eat to a greater extent than eating pre-packaged meals). 

I haven’t even mentioned other things beyond people’s control such as genetics (were you aware that if you have an ancestor that went through a food scarce period you gain weight more easily and have an even harder time losing it?), medical conditions such as PCOS that make it harder/impossible to lose weight, medication that causes weight gain, and illness that causes weight gain (such as hypothyroidism). 

I’m genuinely asking these questions, because I don’t know how you are currently motivating your patients or if you are already doing some of the stuff I mentioned here. The only info I have is contained within the ask you sent me, so my response is based on that. 

FemaleWarrior, She/They 

[carry-on-my-pretty-weeper]

Nervous Chapter 1

Author: carry-on-my-pretty-weeper

Character(s): Reader and Theseus

Word Count: +1k

Warnings: nothing just fluff

Author’s Note: so here’s another series because I can’t help myself when it comes to writing five million stories instead of focusing on one.

Series Masterlist

<<1 / 2>>

No one told Theseus that college life was going to be so complicated. It wasn’t the academics that stumped him, he understood the workload and assignments but what he didn’t understand was the social aspects of it. Like when he’s asked if he wants to go to a party how does he refuse without sounding like an asshole? It’s not that he didn’t enjoy parties he just didn’t like not knowing anyone at them. At his old high school everyone knew everyone because you basically grew up with them. But at college the only person he knew was Leta which was extremely awkward since he knew she fancied him but he didn't feel the same. He also knew how Newt felt about her and he wouldn’t do that to his brother. And if that wasn’t enough, now he lives all the way in the states. So his comfortability level is a big fat zero.

So that’s why he sends most of his nights like this one, studying alone in his room. It was a Sunday night and his roommate plus what seemed like the rest of the school was out partying. He could feel his energy depleting slowly as he read over his material for his upcoming Art History test.

He made a quick decision of going out to buy coffee instead of going to bed. It was probably a poor decision on his part but he needed to study, he was hopeless with this kind of stuff. After all it was one of the general requirements he needed so that he could get his bachelors and become a cop.

Walking in the cold he breathed on his hands to keep them warm. He probably should’ve brought gloves or something but he was already on his way so he kept going.

Finally reaching the local coffee shop he opened the door which caused a bell to ring alerting whomever was working that another customer was there. When he looked at the counter he was dumbstruck by the woman who was working. She was absolutely gorgeous. He felt his heart rate increase as he gazed at this real-life angel. She wore a warm smile and had a twinkle in her eye that made him want to be the person that she was looking at. The bell rung again behind him breaking him from his trance as he realized the girl that entered was trying to get past him. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he apologized as he moved out of the way. The barista looked up and caught eyes with him and he immediately pretended to read the menu, which he probably should be doing anyways since he was there for coffee.

“Are you ready to order sir?” you asked him as you tilted your head slightly. Your gaze alone was enough to make his hands start to shaking.

“Uh yes, I mean, I’m not sure,” he replied with a shaky voice, “I’m kind of new to more than one type of coffee.” Laughing you look up at the menu.

“I can see how it’d be a bit intimidating,” you announced as you tapped on the counter with your nails. An idea seemed to cross your face as your smile widened. “What do you say I mix you up a random concoction and you tell me if you like it or not. If so you pay, if not I make you another drink,” you offered up with a grin.

“S-sounds like a plan,” he stutters out, mentally cursing his tongue for tripping over itself.

“And your name?” you asked as you grabbed a marker. His name? Oh, his name. He had been so distracted by your smile he had forgotten it. Racking his brain he tried to think of it.

“Uh my name? It’s...Theseus! Sorry, my name is Theseus,” he answered as he redden a little bit as you wrote it on the cup. It seemed as if he had turned into his brother Newt, stuttering and blushing at the drop of a hat. Not that he was normally like this but you had turned him back into a little school boy. He waited as you moved around the area humming to yourself. In a couple of minutes you had finished and returned back to him.

“Here try this,” you insisted as handed it over to him. When your fingers touched he felt a little jolt go up his arm. To pull attention away from the blush blooming on his cheeks he takes a sip of the drink. Sweet and saltyness danced on his tastes buds and the warmth of the coffee filled his chest. He let out a content sigh and took another sip.

“This is amazing, what is it?” he inquired as he looked at you in awe.

“I call it the Salty Sailor, it’s like if a salted caramel latte and black coffee had a baby.” You laughed again and it was like music to his ears. Oh boy was he in trouble. Finally remembering about the money he reached in his pocket but you stopped him. “Don’t worry it’s on the house,” you insist with a smile.

“I couldn’t-”

“It’s your first ‘different type’ of coffee,” you said referencing to earlier in the conversation. Leaning on the counter a bit of your hair fell in front of your face but you didn’t seem to mind.

“Well, thank you,” he chuckled as he ran his hand through his semi-messy curls. He was so glad that he still had some product in his hair or else he would’ve had a bush on his head.

“No problem Theseus,” you replied with that twinkle in your eye. He walked towards the door to leave but made an impulsive decision to turn around.

“I’ll see you around then?” he questioned hoping you heard him. Thankfully you did and saved him from an awkward moment.

“Definitely, I’ll be here.” And with that he walked out of the coffee shop with a smile that threatened to break his face. Half way through his walk back to his dorm he realized he forgot to ask your name. Smacking his face with his hand he muttered to himself about being an idiot. But he could always ask you next time. Yes! He’d ask you the next time he went to the coffee shop. Which might end up being sooner rather than later.

[kpsoa97xs-blog]

Tip cheap car insurance 1st time drivers

Tip cheap car insurance 1st time drivers

Tip cheap car insurance 1st time drivers

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[dancingkirby]

In which Bolin plays with toys and Eska fails at flirting

I’m going to have to think up a title for this story soon.  I was thinking maybe “Into Open Waters.”

“How dare she? How dare she?”

Eska paced around the room, trying her hardest to keep her voice low so as not to disturb Kinalik.  The stress of the previous sleepless night, their escape in the wee hours, the sheer physical effort required to waterbend all the way to Republic City with a toddler and luggage in tow, the energy required to interact with people in a strange place…all of it was consuming her.

She collapsed in a chair, her body shaking and angry tears streaming down her face, which made her feel all the worse; like she was no more mature than her daughter.

Did their courtiers think that the twins did not hear the snickers and whispers of “half breed?” And yesterday…they had all looked at Kinalik like she was a monster. They felt that their only option was to get her out of there.

“I was trying to explain, but she wouldn’t listen!” she moaned to her brother.  

“Perhaps she felt the same about you,” Desna offered cautiously.

“Perhaps,” Eska muttered, making an enormous effort to control her crying.  “I have no harsh feelings towards our cousin’s significant other; she is not nearly as uncouth as the others.  I was just…trying so hard not to cry in front of them that I forgot to thank her.   People only seem to care about what I do incorrectly; not what I do the appropriate way.  Yes, I know you are an exception, brother,” she hastily added to ward off his protests.  She furiously scrubbed the tears away.  

“I recommend that we go to sleep right now and ponder the matter further in the morning,” Desna said.

“Yes…that would probably be wise.”

Eska was worried that she’d have problems falling asleep like she often did in locations that weren’t home.  However, the rhythm of Kinalik’s breathing soothed her, and the trio was soon huddled together in a deep slumber.

When Eska woke up who-knows-how-late in the morning, her back was throbbing in pain.  She supposed it was to be expected with all the exercise and lifting that she did yesterday. Even attempting to roll over caused her to moan. Thankfully, Desna had already awoken, and was ready with the bowl of water. He and Eska silently healed each other, then Eska also healed Kinalik, who was uninjured but wanted to do what the grownups were doing.  It didn’t get rid of all the pain, but reduced it enough to allow her to perform the usual morning functions and help Kinalik with hers.

When they got downstairs to the breakfast room, Korra was sitting there alone.  She had finished her own meal, but there was still a pot of tea and a plate of steamed buns filled with bean paste on the table. Eska was impressed to see that they’d remembered about Kinalik’s noodles, and that the child’s chair had a pile of cushions on it in lieu of a booster seat.

“Asami’s in the shower,” Korra said in response to their unspoken query.  “She likes to fiddle around in her workshop first thing in the morning when she’s feeling upset.”

Even Eska could tell that the last few words were pointed.  “Hm,” was all she could trust herself to say in response as she grabbed a bun.

“Does she eat anything else?” Korra asked, referring to Kinalik.  That was a somewhat safer topic, at least.

“Rice. Eggs.  Apples peeled and cut to slices exactly ¼ inch thick.  Arctic hen.  Some types of fish; she seems to change her mind about exactly which types by the day,” Eska answered.  She stopped to think.  What else was there?

“We have been having modest success in getting her to eat kelp,” Desna reminded.

“Oh yes.  The first time she ate that was a triumphant occasion indeed.  And before you ask, cousin, we do give her a daily multivitamin.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Korra said quickly.  She took a sip of her tea and said, “I wonder if she’d like Narook’s?  They have a kid’s menu.”

“Is it noisy?”

“Dinner can be…lunch is usually quieter.”

“We will consider it.”

They were spared from doing further chatting for the moment by Asami entering the room, fully dressed but with a towel wrapped around her head.  Korra looked at Eska expectantly.

Eska supposed that this was her cue to apologize.   Damn it.  She’d never cared about the feelings of anyone outside of her family before.

“I’msorry,” she mumbled while looking down at her hands.  This seemed to satisfy the requirements for now.

“It’s okay,” Asami said.  “I know you must have been under a lot of stress.  Now, is this enough food for you?  We could have the cook make something hot…”

“This is sufficient,” Desna assured her.

Asami sat down as well and got her own breakfast, and apparently decided that it would be best to get right to the point.

“So…Korra said that you were concerned about Kinalik’s safety…”

“That is one way to phrase it.”

“So exactly how deep into hiding did you want to go?”

Good question.

“We hadn’t thought things through that far yet,” Desna admitted.  “All we were hoping for was to buy a few days of time to strategize. That was why we chose not to stay at a hotel.”

“Simply arriving at this destination was the main objective.  They will discover our location sooner or later, but I doubt that they would take our lives here.  Nevertheless, we should take precautions,” Eska added.

Korra and Asami stopped to think, and then Korra said, “Well, you do have one thing going for you.  You’re fairly obscure.  Probably all that most people in Republic City know about you is that you’re those creepy twins.”

Eska clenched her jaw, and willed the angry words ready to spring from her back down her throat. She didn’t want another argument to start so quickly.  Desna appeared to be having a similar struggle, but was able to state in an even tone, “We do like our privacy.”

While they had been talking, Kinalik had finished her noodles and was getting bored.

“Down!” she commanded.  Eska rose to help her off the cushions, and sat back down with her daughter in her lap.

“And that’s another thing,” Asami said.  “I didn’t even know of Kinalik’s existence until yesterday, and I don’t think Korra did either.”

“They may have mailed something,” Korra said.  “But I was kind of distracted at the time.”

“We did air a birth announcement on the radio,” Eska remarked.  Granted, it had run only once.  At 6 AM.  Neither the twins nor their advisors had wanted to call much attention to it.

“Well, anyway, if all that the general public knows about you is that you’re twins, we’d want to make you look as unalike as possible.  Plus, the weather’s much too warm right now for your regular wardrobes. We’ll need to shop for new clothes, and one of you might have to cut your hair.”

Asami looked over at Desna, but Eska quickly said, “I’ll do it.”  Desna had done so much for her; it was only fair that she should be the one to make this sacrifice.

“I have to go get the rest of my stuff this morning, but…hold on, let me write this down,” Korra said.”  She retrieved a notebook and pencil from a side table.

“Asami, could you take them downtown this afternoon?  I’ll probably want to rest, and you’re the one with the style sense. And um…I still can’t drive that well.”

“Sure, but maybe one at a time?  Whoever is after them would be looking for twins.”

“No prob. Desna, you okay with waiting until tomorrow?”

“Whatever you think is best,” Desna answered, albeit apparently with some unease about them being separated.  The twins squeezed hands under the table.

“Bolin might want to join us,” Asami remarked.  “You know how he is about makeovers.”

“Oh, yeah, whoops, I forgot about Bolin.  And we were going to do a proper introduction today.”

“I wonder…” Asami trailed off as Korra scribbled away.  

“Hm?”

“I was just thinking about how to make all this more pleasant for Kinalik.  I think I have an idea.  You go over to Air Temple Island.  I can take care of arranging things.”

“’Kay, love you.”

They kissed.  Eska was relieved.  All of the talking had been making her dizzy.

After Korra had finally departed, Asami got Eska, Desna, and Kinalik situated in the living room. Unlike the more formal parlor they’d seen on the tour yesterday, this room was stocked with comfortable furniture, which was a blessing for Eska’s back.  It was decorated with plush carpeting, wooden paneling, several paintings, and a tall bookcase in the corner.  Eska made a beeline for the latter and thumbed through the selection.

While Eska was busy with her browsing, Asami used one of the mansion’s many phones to call Bolin.

“So what do you think about coming over here shortly?  Makeovers may be involved.”

Eska could hear Bolin’s shriek of joy from clear across the room.  Asami had to hold the receiver at arm’s length until he calmed down.

“I take it that’s a yes?  Okay, what time?  Yeah, I think we can do that.  So see you…oh?  What is it?”

She listened for a few seconds, then said, “Well, I’ll ask them,” and covered the receiver with her hand.

“Eska, Desna, Bolin says that Opal wants to come meet you.  Is that okay?”

Eska was intrigued in spite of herself.  She wanted to see just what sort of powerful woman had managed to ensnare her ex’s heart.

“It is all right with me.  Desna?”

“Me as well.”

“Great!” exclaimed Asami.  She turned back to the receiver and said, “That’s a yes from both of them.  See you in a few, then?  All right.  No, Pabu had better stay at your apartment this time. Bye.”

She hung up the phone, then left the room, saying vaguely that she had to “get things ready.”

Eska, in the meantime, had found several recent issues of Republic City Style.  She had first encountered this publication in the storage room of the library back home, and knew that it was trash, but had been unable to stop reading these chronicles of uncivilized famous people and their clothing.  And it definitely wasn’t because she was jealous of them and their hedonistic lives!  No, if ever asked, she would claim that it was simply anthropological studies.

“All right, let’s see who Ginger is dating now,” she murmured as she sat down to look at the pictures with Kinalik.

“May I have one?” Desna asked.

“You may.”

They were deeply engrossed in their reading material, with occasional snorts of incredulity from the twins and squeals of “Pretty!” from Kinalik, when they heard something being hauled down the stairs and dragged into the living room.

“I found that box of t-o-y-s that I was telling you about yesterday!” Asami said as she beamed. She had removed her towel, and looked no worse for wear from the exertion.  Eska wished that she could look that put-together.

“So I was thinking that Bolin could help Kinalik look through these, and that maybe she would warm up to him more if she associated him with a positive thing like that.”

Kinalik perked up at the mention of her name.  Eska thought that this was actually a clever idea, and wished that she could have thought of that herself.

“Shall we see what is contained in here?” Eska asked Kinalik. Her daughter didn’t answer verbally, but appeared happy for the first time since they’d left the palace.

As Asami left to get some scissors with which to open the box, the doorbell rang.  The door was opened shortly thereafter, presumably by the butler…what was his name again?

“We have arrived!” Bolin announced as he bounded into the living room, followed closely behind by Opal.  “And…hey neat, what’s that?”  He gestured at the box.

Asami explained her idea to him as Kinalik removed the first item from the box: a stuffed animal in the form of a cat-owl.

“Great, sounds great!” Bolin enthused as made to sit down right next to Kinalik, then caught himself in time and picked a spot a respectful couple of feet away.

Asami had certainly never been lacking in any amusement as a child; Eska felt a twinge when she remembered how her own toys had been taken away when she wasn’t too much older than Kinalik.  There were stuffed animals of all sorts (yes, including a turtleduck and a koala otter), dolls, and Satomobile models.  Thankfully, nothing was in that box that would pose a choking hazard; Eska presumed that Kinalik was smart enough not to put toys in her mouth, but one never knew for sure.

Kinalik was insistent on doing the unpacking herself, and kept most of the toys to herself, but every so often she would shyly offer one to Bolin.

“Thank you!” he exclaimed at her latest offering of a stuffed animal that was so worn that Eska couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be.  “Do you wanna know something, Kinalik?  I don’t remember what toys I had when I was your age.  I wish I did.  So this is really as exciting for me as it is for you!”

Kinalik scrunched her nose, and either because she didn’t know how to respond or didn’t have the words, settled for “Okay.”  But she did hand over a toy truck to him.

“Oh, she’s just adorable!” said Opal, which slightly startled Eska because she’d been so focused on the scene across the room.  She was seated at the opposite end of the couch from the twins.

“Yes,” Eska answered.  She and Desna switched places so that there would be no one between Eska and Opal. Then she remembered.

“I have on my possession a copy of Kinalik’s birth certificate,” Eska stated as she took the piece of paper out of her pocket.  “It contains proof that Bolin was not being unfaithful to you.  Not with me, at least.”

Opal didn’t move to take it.

“It’s okay, I believe you.  Really,” she said.

It was just that easy?  Eska had been anticipating a more frosty reception.

“So what do you think?  Can we be friends?” Opal asked as she smiled gently.  She extended her hand, and Eska forced herself to make eye contact while tentatively reaching her arm out as well.  But she only had the nerve to brush Opal’s fingers with her own.

Just then, there was much excitement from the duo on the floor.  Having removed all of the toys from the box, they had reached the best part…the packing paper.  Kinalik reached for a particularly large piece and gleefully ripped it in half.

“That makes a cool sound, doesn’t it?” Bolin observed.

Kinalik studied the two halves in her hand, and then crumpled one up, walked over, and reached up to place it on Bolin’s head.

“Oh wow!  A hat!  Just what I always wanted!” Bolin said with all evidence of sincerity.  He tossed his head ever so slightly, and the paper fell to the floor.

“OOPS!  It fell off!  How clumsy of me!”

Kinalik looked at him, then at the paper, then back at him.  And she laughed.

This was something that even Eska herself rarely elicited from her daughter.  She wished that she could telepathically transmit to Bolin the significance of this event.  But as he glanced over it her, it seemed that he already knew to some extent.

Shortly thereafter, Korra returned, and while the servants transferred her things, Asami herded them all into the main dining room for lunch.  Evidently, Korra had informed her partner of Kinalik’s preferences, because the meal was omelets…plain for Kinalik and with vegetables for everyone else.  Kinalik actually ate most of hers, and even sampled a piece of mushroom from Eska’s plate without spitting it back out.

When that was concluded, Desna put Kinalik down for a nap while Eska ventured out into the great unknown.

For what felt like the millionth time, Eska felt the ends of her now shoulder-length hair.  It felt exceedingly strange to not have it hanging halfway down her back.

Also, the hairdresser had insisted on using hair clips to pin her bangs back.

“You have such a perfectly-proportioned forehead!” the older woman had gushed.  “And such delicate eyebrows.  Why would you ever want to cover that up?”

At least it might work as a disguise.  And Asami and Opal had wholeheartedly agreed with the stylist.  They had tried to get Bolin’s opinion as well, but he held up his pointer finger for silence.

“Please don’t disturb me.  I have attained manicure Nirvana,” he stated in an exaggerated whisper.

When Bolin had finally descended back down to Earth, they went clothes-shopping.  First they got some everyday items.  Eska was rather embarrassed that she had to wear clothing from the Juniors section due to her petite frame, but she managed to tolerate the shopping long enough to attain several new outfits.  The store had a changing room in case one wanted to wear an outfit out of the store, so Eska had changed her regular tunic and leggings for a sky-blue shirt with cap sleeves, white pants that fell just below the knee, and white sandals.  It was odd to have so much of her skin exposed in public, but it was amusing to imagine how the dreaded councilors back home would react.

She was taken aback when she realized that she would have to help carry her own belongings for the first time in her life, but decided not to argue.

Then Asami had remembered about Korra’s party, to which Eska hadn’t realized that she was invited, so they went to a more upscale boutique that specialized in Water Tribe inspired designs to find a dress.  Of course, the one that caught Eska’s eye was too large for her, so she would have to come back later for fitting.

By the time that was over, all of them were loaded with shopping bags and getting tired, and Eska’s back was acting up again.  She still didn’t understand why some girls and women did this for fun.

“There’s a bubble tea shop just down the street.  Let’s stop there,” Asami suggested.

Eska was about to inquire what bubble tea was, but her thoughts slammed on the brakes as a horrific sound rose from the corner next to the tea shop.

“What. Is.  That?” she demanded as she jammed her fingers inside her ears.

“That’s a trombone,” Opal answered.  She and Asami rolled their eyes at Bolin, who was edging nervously closer toward the tea shop door.

Even leading such a sheltered life, Eska had heard of street musicians.  But she had been under the impression that most did it for money.  There was no tip box beside this man’s feet, so either he was just doing it for fun or wanted to cause all pedestrians an agonizing death.  Probably the latter, she thought.

“I am going to ambulate over there right now and inform that man that he must cease and desist immediately,” she declared.

“Maybe…just going inside would be a better idea?” Bolin offered.  “Come on quick, before he sees us!”

Bolin dashed inside, and the three women had no choice but to follow, Opal and Asami both making noises of disapproval.

They got their orders and sat down.  Eska had assumed that the bubbles would be some form of carbonation, but they were actually solid spheres.  She guessed that it was not called “sphere tea” because it didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.  In any case, the spheres had a pleasantly chewy texture.

Meanwhile, Asami was still scolding Bolin.

“He’s a much better person now and you know it!” she said.

“He still scares me!”

“Well, I invited him to the party, so get used to him.”

“You what?  Oh frick…here he comes.”

The door abruptly swung open as if accompanied by a musical cue, and Trombone Man walked in like he owned the place.  To Eska’s relief, he had put away that torture device for the present.  Wait…why was he making a beeline to their table?

“Hi, Tahno!” Asami said cheerfully as Opal waved.  The latter elbowed Bolin, who squeaked out a “Hi!”

The name rang a bell.  Eska tried to recall where she’d encountered it.

“Now who is this lady here?” Tahno the Trombone Man asked.  “I don’t believe that I’ve seen you here with the Uh-vatar’s crowd before.”

Eska assumed that he was referring to Opal.  But after several seconds, she realized that he was looking at her.  Just in time, she remembered how she knew of him.

“I saw you in the magazines,” she said.  “Except then you weren’t there anymore.  And then you were, but not quite as often.”

“Guilty as charged.”

Was he flirting, or just making fun of her?

Eska rose from her seat and affixed her best glare.

“Your subpar pronounciation irritates my auditory receptacles.  As does your so-called musical talent.”

The look she was giving him would have sent a whole room full of courtiers fleeing.  But Trombone Man just laughed.

“Oh, did I offend you, Ice Queen?”

Did he know?  At any rate, Eska realized that he towered over her by at least a foot, despite her drawing herself up to as full a height as her back would allow.  This would not do.

“If I am the Ice Queen, then you are my subject.  I demand that you swear fealty to me by kneeling.”

She heard three sharp intakes of breath.  But kneel Tahno did, after only a brief pause.  He kept his eyes and his smirk on Eska.  Eska remained outwardly composed (at least she hoped so), but her heart was starting to pound…from anxiety or from something else?

“Of course…you do know what this means, Ice Queen?  Now I must kiss your hand.”

Eska barely had time to process the words before Bolin leapt in between them.

“O-kaaaayyy!” he exclaimed louder than he had to.  “I know we’re all having a wonderful time here, and it was great seeing you again, but look at the clock!  We really have to be going now, so bye and see you at the party, I guess!”

He herded the trio of women out the door, drinks, bags, and all.  Eska didn’t know whether she wanted to thank him or throttle him.

“That was interesting,” Eska mused as they walked back to the Satomobile.  “However, I doubt he would show the submission required to be my husband.”

Bolin choked on his last sip of tea.

“Mental images, Eska!  Mental! Images!” he gasped out.

At least he was starting to show his true self around her.