#and the things they write that would be considered purple prose today maybe is just... i like it

[uncanny-tranny]

Could you describe your gender using words that are not typically used to describe one's gender?

The wave of exhilaration I got when I finally thought of a story I want to write after being burnt out for over five years, or maybe novels from the romantic movement or the decadent movement, for the latter it would primarily be the manner in which people spoke with each other in The Picture of Dorian Gray

[onlycosmere]

Writing Styles

Would Nabokov’s writing be considered “purple prose” in today’s writing climate? by meadowillow_ 

meadowillow_ : Vladimir Nabokov is praised as one of the most gifted writers of the ornate style. Interestingly, somebody wrote an article—its title eludes me—about sending a sample of Nabokov’s writing for review. This sample was sent under a pseudonym. The advice was to make the writing simple and economical.

That made me wonder. How much of our judgements about ornate writing are post-hoc rationalisations? Do we fish for reasons to judge the writing as good because we know the author is a masterful stylist? Would we judge their writing the same if it were written by a nameless, faceless stranger on the internet?

I’m denying neither that Nabokov is an excellent writer nor that his work is immune from criticism. I just wonder how much established authors fairly evade and unknown authors bear the brunt of a certain type of criticism.

With all of this in mind:

Do you think that Nabokov’s writing would be well-received if he were an unknown author in 2024?

[I’d like to keep the focus on his writing style not on the controversial nature of some of his books.]

Great_Ad_5561:  I used an alt account to post an excerpt from an award-winning novel in r/writers, and it was torn apart. I think people these days don't appreciate anything that isn't straightforward. Of course, there are those who still enjoy it, but for the most part, lives are busier now than they were then, and to some, it is easier to read straightforward books.

Bridalhat:  Also, judging by the types of work most commonly posted here, r/writers and r/writing��is not full of literary scholars, writers, or readers. Which is fine! But there’s probably more people here who like Sanderson’s prose than who have read Nabokov period, maybe excluding Lolita. 

SizeableDuck: I'm not a fan of this trend at all, though everyone's obviously entitled to their opinion.

I read Lolita recently and absolutely loved it mainly because of how witty and poetic the prose was - completely unlike anything published nowadays, not to mention its subject matter. It's clear from the first page that Nabakov was a genius.

Tried Way of Kings for the first time shortly afterwards and found it to be the driest, most watered-down thing I've ever read by comparison. The only thing about it that challenged me was reaching the final page.

I get that Sanderson has a different style and his writing is -meant- to be completely lacking in spice, style and charm in order to make his stories more palatable for the average fantasy fan nowadays, but look me in the eye and tell me you've ever laughed at the constant, god-awful wordplay in those books.

He just describes exactly what's happening in the plot and the character's heads. There's no poetry and it makes me a little bit sad to see so many people praising him as an amazing fantasy writer purely because of his plots.

You can find a ton of writers nowadays that're like Sanderson, but you can't find any closer to Nabakov.

Brandon Sanderson:  While I agree that taste is completely subjective--and it's never offensive for someone to simply not like a book--I think you're spreading some misinformation here.

Those of us trying for clean, striking prose aren't doing it to make "stories more palatable for the average fantasy fan nowadays." We do it because we like this style, and would rather the ideas--and not the method by which they are expressed--be the challenging part of a story. I find it insulting that you'd imply prose choice is anything but a literary decision made for the merits of the narrative.

This division isn't new. George Orwell was advocating for clean, crisp prose in the 40s, a full decade before Lolita was written. This push and pull between clarity and ornament stretches back to Shakespeare, whose contemporaries would lambast his flourishes as incomprehensible. (Not that I mind, obviously, literary genius being in the ornaments. It's only that I find multiple kinds of writing worthwhile.)

Moreover, you can absolutely find writers closer to Nabakov today. Guy Gavriel Kay is still writing, and is one of my favorites. (Try Under Heaven.) Hal Duncan is still writing, and is amazing, though rarely releases anything. And, of course, there's N. K. Jemisin--not the same, but most certainly "closer to Nabakov." Even the majority of the writers in the New Weird experimented with style in the same ways as I think you'd like.

Many varieties of writing are valuable to the craft, and I suggest new writers (many of whom frequent this subreddit) practice multiple styles to find the ones that appeal to them and match their narrative goals. It's totally fine to prefer one over another, but I find abundant "spice, style, and charm" in something crisp like Harrison Bergeron--indeed, I find just as much of it as I do in something like Lolita, if for different reasons.

SizeableDuck:  Much more level-headed and correct than what I was typing last night. Thanks for the recommendations, too.

Edit: Just realised you are the man himself. I take everything back.

Edit 2: By this I mean I take back my previous rudeness twofold. I had a think about it this morning when I read his reply and realised that the creatives I love to shit on have, in most cases, accomplished more than I could hope to. And in addition, probably know more about the topics I'm criticising than I do.

[vase]

Writing Tip #2: Getting Started, Part Two - The Fourth Pillar

Hello again! I want to thank everyone for the phenomenal amount of support my last post received. I'm really hoping to keep this momentum up, and I'm very thankful that so many people are having as much fun as I am.

As always, it's time for our next venture into the wonderful world of writing. Last time, we discussed character, plot, and setting. Next, I'd like to delve into what I personally consider the fourth important pillar alongside these. This fourth pillar is prose!

In writing, prose is meant to describe the manner of which a writer writes. Think of it as the writer's own personal style. Prose is specific to what is literally on the page. Prose dictates specifically the word choice, sentence length variation, grammar choices, and diction of the author. While communities around this are virile, an author need not worry if their prose is strictly "good", rather that it is consistent and fitting.

Typically, when a person (mostly literature students, because no one else gives a shit about prose) refers to "good prose", they will refer to the works of classic authors like Austen or Melville. "Good prose" tends to be filed under the same vein of books that non-literature students complain about, the ones that harp on about descriptions of a tree for an hour. This prose is praised because it excels in imagery--these hour long tree descriptions use excessive verbiage to paint an excessively clear picture of the surroundings. Often, the word choice of the author is what lends it its praise. Our average author, again, need not worry. One does not need to harp on about a tree for an hour to be good at prose. It is better, instead, to be fitting.

[ ID: MOTHER died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure. The telegram from the Home says: YOUR MOTHER PASSED AWAY. FUNERAL TOMORROW. DEEP SYMPATHY. Which leaves the matter doubtful; it could have been yesterday. ]

What precedes is an excerpt from Albert Camus's ever iconic 'The Stranger', in one of its many translations. While the original word choice is lost in translation (from dastardly French), the intent and prose of Camus is obediently transcribed by loyal translators. The main character of The Stranger, Meursault, is a man who thinks in a very objective and brisk sense. This bleeds into the prose of the book itself. Here, it would only kneecap Camus and The Stranger if the book indulged in the flowery, purple prose (term used to describe prose that is syrupy and poetic) of other notable classics, because it would go against the main character's worldview.

It's not necessarily important that your prose uses amazing words and the perfect Austenian writing, but rather that it matches the story. If your narrator character is a preteen girl, she's not going to describe things as 'Kafkaesque' (unless she's the coolest teen girl ever). Experimenting with prose is especially fun in multiple POV stories, with the possibility of different characters speaking or recounting things differently. Just as I recommended writing exercises previously when building characters, writing multiple POVs with different prose on purpose is a good way to build skill in prose. Everyone has their own specific 'prose', but developing your prose is an excellent idea, especially before writing the first draft of your project. Just like a drawing style, whereas everyone has their own style, it's better to learn to draw motion, backgrounds, and shadows before starting drawing your webcomic.

In a first person perspective novel, the prose of the book should be close to the way the narrator character speaks in dialogue, unless there's a specific reason otherwise (ie. the character is a spy and speaks differently to the people around them than they would regularly, or something along that vein). Multiple POV third person novels may also see a shift in prose depending on who is being followed, but they don't always need one. In fact, a dramatic shift may be a bit jarring for readers in these instances. Third person omniscient books need not a prose specific to the central character per se, but this brings in the topic of audience. A book with a story aimed at preteen audiences probably shouldn't use advanced prose, as it may be difficult for the preteen audiences to follow. A writer's prose, however, should be flexible enough to shift from genre-to-genre, reading level to reading level.

Don't believe me? Try it! A great way to practice prose, especially in this sense, would be to write the same general passage for different audiences: first as a children's book, then as a YA book, then as an adult book, and maybe even as an Austenian classic. A great way to practice prose and strengthen characters would be to write the same scene from many different character's perspectives, and incorporating the character's quirks into the prose. Personally, as well, I'm going to recommend writing poetry, especially rhyming poetry. Poetry challenges writers to use thinner perimeters to build word choice and intent.

Thanks everyone for reading once again! I know prose isn't a topic many find super interesting, and I'm sorry to disappoint those who were looking for a character writing or a worldbuilding tip. I promise, next time. Happy writing, prose apprentices, and thanks again for being along for the ride.

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 

The origin story 

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 

The reception 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 

Meaning 

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 

Writing 

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 

Daichi 

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 

He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 

The music 

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 

Some of the notable ones: 

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 

When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 

The merch  redbubble drama 

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 

How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 

[lions-arch-chronicle]

Issue 12!

Image ID under Read More:

Title: Update on Orr recovery efforts and risen contianment

Story: The recovery efforts in Siren’s Landing and Orr at large have been progressing slowly but surely after the fall of the elder dragon Zhaitan. Reports that have come in from Botanist Nadir that the fauna growth on the island nation has been progressing in favorable ways slowly reclaiming the land from the risen rot that covers most of the island.“This place. My colleagues see it as barren and lifeless, a graveyard risen from the sea,” said Nadir. “I’ve begun to see it as new life and the promise of a better future, the light of dawn.”Reports from the resident Orrian ghosts say that the numbers of unchained risen have dropped at a consistent rate since the reclamation had begun.Rumors have spread about various organizations beginning to consider eventual rehabilitation of the nation or Orr but none with clear sources or plans to date. With safety precautions and assistance from their fellow Tyrians the reclamation team believe that they can continue toward a restored Orr.

Title: Interview with Boss Lady Courica cause she’s nice

Story: Kuritata: Hey hey hey Boss Lady

Courica: Yes?

Kuritata: Can skritt interview you for story this week?

Courica: Hmm, well I suppose so what is the angle of the story you want to write? Wait, why are you already writing? Are you already transcribing?

Kuritata: Yes yes wanted to show the people boss plant, so skritt is gonna write down everything!

Courica: And you’re writting down everything I’m saying as I say it?Kuritata: Yes!

Courica: That is quite the skill... Alright Kuritata, this will need to be edited for content alright? We probably should include the more interesting parts rather than just our daily conversations.

Kuritata: But how will reader people know all about you?

Courica: Well, most interviews include questions, ah, you didn’t have any questions prepared did you?

Kuritata: ...

Courica: I can see you writing out that ellipsis.

Kuritata: Boss Lady can’t see what skritt is writing if skritt runs away! 

Courica: Wait Kuritata! I thought you wanted to do an interview! Where are you  going?

Kuritata: To the printers gonna put this in paper just like this!

Courica: Wait! No you aren’t there’s not even an interview there! How on Tyria are you still transcribing this as you’re running?

Kuritata: Skritt is good at job!

Courica: Yes you are! And I’m so very proud of you but I’m begging you to come back here and let me edit this!

Editor’s Note: I was unable to edit this as Mr. Gnashblade was too entertained and requested it to be published as is as Dexsia had taken photos of this event transpiring.  

Title: Restraunt Recommendations:The Serrated Blade Tavern

Story: Today on the LAC’s adventures through notable places in Tyria we visited the Serrated Blade Tavern in the Black Citadel. Owned and operated by Barkeep Gallowknot the bar sees plenty of colorful visitors from within the Citadel. There are always wonderful conversations happening within the lively tavern that may potentially get you stabbed if you listen to the wrong conversation a little too obvious but the high-quality spicy moa wings and iron legion ale make that risk worth it. Would recommend just maybe not alone.

Title:  The Boasting Hall: In Defense of Snargle Goldclaw

Story: If you have ever met me in person, you probably know that my personal favorite color is a bright, clear blue. Wearing blue tells the people around you that you are honest, earnest, and intelligent, which describes me perfectly, though I would add several traits such as drop dead gorgeous and beloved by all. What you may not know is that I have a second favorite color, and that color is purple. It is a rich and lovely color, and there is nothing wrong with it. So when I hear the phrase “Purple Prose”, as I do so often in relation to my favorite author, Snargle Goldclaw, I do not immediately think it is a bad thing! Sure, too much of a good thing can kill you, but when has a book ever killed someone? (This is not a rhetorical question. If you know of tomes with murderous intent please contact me.) Snargle Goldclaw is a master of what he does. Even if incredible, imaginative, romantic adventures of love and loss are not to your taste, you have to admit Mr. Goldclaw is the absolute peak of his niche, and never afraid to try something unconventional! I mean, Destiny’s Pledge? Classic! Mist Connections? Heartbreaking! If you didn’t cry while reading it I don’t trust you! The Passion of Faren may have been unexpected, but at least he never repeats himself, which is more than can be said for many other romance authors today! In conclusion: Any of Mr. Goldclaws detractors are hereby invited to wail all they want, those of us with TASTE will continue to enjoy his fantastic novels.

Title:��Do Verdant Weapons have emotions?

Story: I was spending a delightful weekend in the Grove with a friend of mine, when I decided to do some window shopping. Every place has slightly different ways to arm themselves, so even weapons you can’t wield yourself are worth a look! Not to mention they can truly pull an outfit together. So there I was, shopping around, when I spied someone selling Verdant weapons. Not really my color (I’m more of a winter than a spring), but I had always wanted to know something, so I asked the seller “How often do you need to water these?” He looked confused. “They’re weapons, you don’t water them.” “But they’re plants, surely they need something!” He shook his head. “Ma’am, the weapons will be perfectly fine if you don’t water them.” At this point he had another customer, so I let him be, but it still bothered me. Clearly these weapons are made of living matter, as I don’t know of any plant that stays bright green after it is long dead. But how is it sustained? For that matter, how is it made? Is it grown in a particular way? Molded by a smith? ...Or does it, too, spring from the Pale Tree fully formed? This is perhaps the darkest option. Is a verdant axe alive? Can it feel its body being swung through the air towards the enemy? Does it think? Can it feel hatred? If I was routinely lodged in the squishy body of a risen… Well, lets just say you should be PARTICULARLY nice to your verdant weapons. Just in case.

[daresplaining]

apologies if this has been asked before, but what are your top 5 Daredevil stories?

    I have to be honest– I’m terrible with these kinds of questions, because it often depends on my mood, what I’m currently reading, the– I don’t know– phases of the moon… At least three-quarters of my Daredevil consumption is re-reading stories and being reminded of how much I love them, and so my honest answer is that I don’t have a top five, or even probably a top ten; I have a rotating group of maybe thirty or forty stories that I love equally. Today, as I write this, the five that come to mind are (in no particular order): 

“With a Little Help From My Friends” (Volume 1 #375)

This issue slugged me in the gut the first time I read Kelly’s run, and it has retained its power for me over the years and become something of a comfort read. It’s a quintessential tale of perseverance and courage as Matt nearly fails, both in and out of costume, to save Karen from being jailed for a murder she didn’t commit. Simple but elegant and flawlessly executed.  

“Double Vision” (Volume 5 #606-608)

I’ll spare you from too much further elaboration, since I have an entire tag just for this story and have rambled on and on about it since it came out, but I stand by my assertion that this is one of the best, most creative, funniest-in-a-touching-sort-of-way, most fascinating Daredevil stories ever written. It’s one of the greatest status quo shake-ups I’ve ever seen, and I hope it does actually stick, because I’m slightly obsessed with Soule and Noto’s take on real Mike Murdock. 

“Guts” (Volume 1 #185)

Not enough people talk about how good Frank Miller is at writing humor, and how funny much of his early Daredevil work is, so I’ve decided to do it myself, as loudly as possible. I could have picked any number of issues– his and Mary Jo Duffy’s Daredevil/Power Man and Iron Fist crossover is another great example– but “Guts” is just… so much fun, in both concept and execution. Foggy acting out his noir private eye dreams while Matt protects him from the sidelines will never, ever get old for me. 

Volume 4 #8-10

Since I didn’t want this entire list to just be Waid stories (that was a serious possibility; Waid’s run is my favorite), I’ve limited myself to one. The Purple Children arc is a gorgeous piece of storytelling: haunting, poignant, and achingly powerful. In a long tradition of Daredevil narratives that dig into Matt’s psychological struggles, this one is remarkable for its genuineness and emphasis on hope and recovery. Plus, the Purple Children are excellent characters who allow for a new perspective on an old villain while also standing on their own as fascinating additions to the Daredevil cast. 

“Last Rites” (Volume 1 #297-300)

It was between this story and “Born Again”, and I already have Miller on this list, and Chichester doesn’t, I feel, get enough credit for his often-fantastic Daredevil work. Really, I consider the two stories to be spiritual companion pieces, and in my head I tend to link them together. Matt’s take-down of the Kingpin is glorious, the cameos are excellent (I love Matt’s interactions with Nick Fury) and the moral iffiness and bittersweetness of the victory feels just right. I would require every Daredevil fan to read this story if I had the power to do that sort of thing. 

    Argh, there is no Stan Lee on this list, no Karl Kesel, no Marv Wolfman, no Bendis, no Brubaker, no Nocenti, no O’Neil, none of the mini-series or prose novels… see, I’m terrible at this. 

[bs-dogs]

Reason Living

Summary

Nakahara Chuuya. Bold. Confident. Dramatic, with just the right amount of flare.

Behind the mask, there’s little Chuuya can do to keep the tremors, the lassitude—  the void that threatens to consume his entire being—  at bay.

And then suddenly he’s switching bodies and falling for a stranger who has dead eyes, a familiar face and a name that tastes like hope and regret on his tongue. There’s a shift in Chuuya’s chest that feels like it should’ve been there all this time, and breathing comes easily to him now.

So what do you think would happen if Chuuya stopped switching bodies? Find out why, of course!

(or the Kimi no Na Wa AU nobody asked for, but here it is. Complete with idiots!Skk pining for each other, fluff, angst, time travel and 2 people trying to find their place in this world.)

CH 1

As Melos lay with arms and legs flung out on the ground, sleep began to overcome him. But then, suddenly, a murmuring sound reached his ears. Raising his head slightly, he held his breath and listened. The sound came to somewhere nearby. Rising falteringly to his—

A knock on the door interrupts Chuuya’s stream of thought, cutting off the vivid imagery that was building up inside his mind. He jumps slightly at the sound, not even noticing how his hand is tired after gripping the pen too tightly, and that the playlist he had the mind to play before working has already stopped. Now, he sits disgruntled on his swivel chair, alone and surrounded by silence with a short manuscript in front of him.

Whiplash. That’s the word to describe what he’s feeling right now. There’s a sense of nausea after being pulled back with enough force to startle him, and then there’s the familiar feeling of apprehension that quickly reestablishes itself into the groves of his weary body.

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to anchor his mind back to the real world. Reaching out, he grabs the small Sheep plushy besides his pen holder, grounding himself with the texture. It works, and he sets it down before looking out of the window. It’s dark out, something that doesn’t really shock him since he has the tendency to forget the passage of time whenever he’s focused on something.

Shooting a glance at the clock to his right, the hands point to ‘7:48’. He isn’t given the chance to think about who might be visiting him, of all people, this late into the evening for another knock makes itself known this time with a little bit more force behind it.

“Yes, wait up,” Chuuya says, voice lighter than he feels, and stands tiredly after pushing himself away from his desk. His feet gently pad across the room to reach his front door, not even bothering to look through the peephole to check who it is. Pausing before opening the door, Chuuya takes a couple of breaths to mentally ready and compose himself before opening the door. 

‘It’s showtime.’

With his best smile in place, Chuuya greets the visitor, a close friend of his— really, his only friend at this point. 

Opening the door wider, it takes a moment for Chuuya to get over his initial shock, “Poe! What brings you here?” He asks and gestures for the shy man to enter. The man ducks slightly under the doorframe, his impossibly tall build making it difficult for him to enter— his hand protecting the raccoon on his shoulder, Karl, from knocking into the frame. Being a smaller person than the foreigner, Chuuya can’t help but be a tad jealous of the man’s height. It’s an ugly feeling which he tries his best to dismiss.

“Oh, I just thought to check on you and stuff…” His voice is almost a whisper, trailing off at the end as if unsure. 

They sit down on Chuuya’s couch, one of the few things of luxury in his apartment, and let a moment pass in silent as Karl titters downward and on his guest’s lap. Once Poe has situated the two of them comfortably, the man takes note of the singular light source and the disheveled desk before opening his mouth, “Did you get too engrossed in your work again that you forgot, Chuuya?” He asks in his soft voice, aware of how much of a workaholic Chuuya is.

All the man in question can do is laugh awkwardly, swiftly flicking the lights on, “Well, you know me…” Chuuya is a little bit blinded by the sudden brightness and laughs lightly to try and mask it, “Would you like some tea? Coffee?” He offers, already halfway to his small kitchen when Poe politely refuses, “No, I’m good. I already ate something.”

“Oh, okay then.” He sits down again, his brain scrambling to think about why Poe would visit him so late.

‘He already passed me his draft, and we had lunch the other day so…’

As if hearing his thoughts, Poe heaves a sigh and chuckles, “We were supposed to meet by the café, remember?” The brunet chuckles, “I invited you…”

Then it suddenly clicks for Chuuya and his chest tightens, “Oh!” He exclaims “The date with the cute guy! I’m so sorry I forgot.” He looks down, voice taking an apologetic tone, “I swear I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine. It looks like you have a lot of work to do, so I understand.” Poe kindly says, pausing his petting of Karl to pat Chuuya’s shoulder in reassurance before retreating to Karl’s fur once more. The smaller man smiles at his effort, appreciative especially since he knows of the author’s shyness and aversion to physical contact, “So, how’d it go?”

Poe’s face reddens at an alarming rate, sputtering as Chuuya leans forward and teasingly grins at him, “It was, uh, nice. We just talked and ate and…”

“And?”

It doesn’t take long before he caves in, “We agreed to meet again next week,” He pauses, biting his lips, but it’s obvious to Chuuya that he’s happy with the way the corners of his lips lift up, “Ah… And he… I think he flirted with me?”

“Hot damn, our precious boy bags himself a second date!” Chuuya laughs. At the sudden loud sound, Karl skittishly stands up in alertness before trying to sleep again. The next time Chuuya talks, it’s comparably quieter, “It’s a good thing I didn’t third-wheel, eh?”

“You wouldn’t be bothering us though, he likes debates.” 

“Are you saying I like to argue?” Chuuya can’t help but tease, drawing in his eyebrows and pretending to frown. Poe doesn’t buy it though, choosing to simply smile at him, “Chuuya! I could never!”

They both share a laugh, a nice ambience settling around them. Talking to Poe really calms him down. It really is nice to have a friend or two, Chuuya supposes. He grew up as a very quiet child, rarely letting anyone in— his cold and closed off demeanor only intensifying after that incident a few years back. Over time, he did shake off the hard exterior and began to try the whole “friendship” thing again. Chuuya ponders that it paid off quite well, if his nice chat with Poe is anything to go by.

They met each other almost a year ago, when the man was looking for a new editor for his novel after his previous one, Lovecraft, suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth. Luckily for him, Chuuya saw his online ad and the rest is history. The writer is quite skilled, his works mostly science fiction and mystery, and Chuuya admires his passion for literature and writing.

“It’s one of his works, isn’t it?” Poe’s voice cuts through the comfortable silence between them, eyes resting on the manuscript on Chuuya’s desk, “The one you’re working on right now?”

Speaking of skilled authors…

“Yeah,” He starts, “The style, the aura, the feel…” Chuuya struggles to find the correct word to explain how he just knows that it’s his work— the mysterious author Chuuya’s been handling for all of 4 months now. He uses different pseudonyms, affirmed by his boss when he once thought to ask, but the distinctive tone and presence of his writing stays the same. Something about the way the author uses word and symbolism is striking, almost alluring, and the literature-geek inside him just melts every time Mori hands him another manuscript.

It doesn’t help that he doesn’t even really need to proofread anything; the grammar is absolutely impeccable, so he spends his time just absorbing the story, Chuuya doesn’t understand why his boss still sends them to him if everything is flawless already, but he’s not really one to complain.

“Well, what name is he using right now? What’s the manuscript about?” His guest’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“Kuroki Shunpei. It’s a retelling of one of Schiller’s, about friendship and trials.” He starts, “It’s amazingly short, the shortest I’ve ever handled of our mystery person— but I’m sure it’s him.” There’s conviction in his tone, certainty clear in his eyes. Maybe it’s only a gut feeling, but Chuuya’s instinct and intuition have never failed him before.

Poe hums, “That’s new. Isn’t he more of a darkly personal introspection kind of person? Maybe it was, um, written experimentally?”

“Maybe,” Chuuya considers this, “But I haven’t really finished reading yet. I was actually hoping on doing everything today since it’s not as long.”

“So that’s why you were so invested, you were pining away at your mystery guy.” Poe says, tone flat and eyes twinkling. Chuuya thinks he sees smugness in there somewhere.

“Pining? I was just reading, you moron.” To which Poe replies, “Oh, I know you. If anyone had to court you, they’d make sure to send you disgustingly purple prose because of your disease.”

“Say that one more time, I dare you.” Chuuya says, trying to exact the respect he deserved because he is the host here, damn it!

Poe just languidly stares at him, “Chuu-nii, think about it. Maybe he’s your, uh, soulmate or something? Why would Mori even give you the manuscripts if they’re already perfect as is? Maybe there’s a hidden message or a code…”

“First of all, you are older than me, and I don’t have some stupid high schooler disease. Second, there are no hidden messages. And what if he’s an old guy?” Chuuya almost shrieks at Poe, words starting to jumble together the faster he speaks, “And, you know, you’re a mystery writer, not a romance writer for fuck’s sake!”

“So, you checked for secret messages, huh?” Poe raises an eyebrow questioningly, his amusement radiating off him in waves. Chuuya ratters on, sharp sounds and indignant noises as he tries to save himself from the slip-up, “That’s not it at all! I was just— How— What?” His brain short circuits, regretting all of his past choices that’s led to this bout of teasing.

Karl skitters off of Poe’s lap and onto the floor before being scooped back up again, this time being settled against Poe’s chest, “Relax,” He says, lips twisting up, “I was joking anyway. But I do hope we find out who it is.” 

‘We’, Chuuya thinks. It’s the first time someone he’s only known for so long used that word in conjunction with him, and it’s a nice feeling— like someone is on your side for once. He warms at the thought and inwardly promises to himself to make it up to the man.

“Yeah, I do too.” 

-

He closes the door behind him, slowly making his way to the kitchen and grabbing himself a glass of water. The cool liquid is a welcome feeling as it slides down his parched throat, drinking greedily after talking for a long while. He glances at the clock again, idly wondering how he survived interacting with a human for 2 hours straight. Chuuya sets the now empty glass on the counter with a loud clunk, the harsh sound cutting through the heavy air like a butter knife, and contemplates whether he’s hungry enough to want to eat. It takes him a few minutes before ultimately deciding that no, he’d rather sleep because talking really does take a lot more energy out of him than most people. Besides, it’s not really the first time he’s skipping so he’s quite sure that his stomach wouldn’t protest that much after all this time. 

Sighing, he closes the lights and feels the tension from his shoulder lift slightly. The cover the shadows provide him is a much needed comfort— Chuuya’s always preferred the dark over brightly lit rooms. There’s something about people not seeing him and feeling invisible enough to let the cracks through that makes him feel more human than when he stands under the spotlight. Or maybe because it’s the familiarity of having your environment match how you feel that puts his mind at ease? Whatever it is, all Chuuya knows is that he feels safer now.

It doesn’t take long for his eyes to acclimate to the dark; his body already accustomed to the way his apartment is laid out to the point where he could live comfortably even with his eyes closed. He doesn’t trip over wires or stray papers or the books haphazardly strewn about, doesn’t bump into the corners of his desk and bookcase as he goes into his room. Chuuya hasn’t cleaned in a while because of work, but even then he still knows where everything should be in the organized chaos.

He doesn’t change clothes since he didn’t really go out earlier today, and barely goes through his nighttime skincare routine. Chuuya doesn’t really see the point of taking care of himself if no one is going to see him on a daily basis anyway, but he was brought up to at least maintain his cleanliness and appearance.

His adoptive mother— Kouyou, or Ane-san as he likes to call her— beat the need to look presentable into him the moment he stepped foot in her teahouse. And even after years of moving out, he still can’t shake the need to stay clean and hygienic as much as possible. He supposes that he should thank her for that, since he would be akin to a hobo by now if she didn’t raise him to be so prim and proper.

He pats his face dry and looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes trail after the dark bags and tired expression and thinks he looks miserable. He does feel miserable, so he gives himself that, and proceeds to brush his hair. The split ends are troublesome, but he makes it through with only a few red strands sticking to the brush before his arm tires and the giant need to just lay down and rest consumes him. Sluggishly, he drags himself to bed and just stares at the ceiling.

Despite the fatigue that uncomfortably settles in his body, he can’t sleep— and Chuuya’s just so tired of everything but of course he can’t sleep. He thinks about what’s wrong, as if he can list down all the things that’s wrong with him before the sun rises up in a few hours, before he finally gets up and turns the fan on. The sound of the machine whirring does little to calm him down, but it’s better than wallowing in silence. He never could sleep in the quiet, the static blaring in his ears somehow louder than the occasional loud shouts coming from the unit next to him, so he does his best to get comfortable. Chuuya readies himself for another night of terrors, already anticipating the way smoke clogs up his nose and the way heat tickles his skin.

He hopes the empty feeling that continues to persist inside is gone the next day before he surrenders himself to unconsciousness.

-

The next time he meets Poe again, it’s in their favourite café. It’s two days after they last saw each other, but Chuuya can’t really remember what happened yesterday. Maybe he got drunk. Remembering how tired he felt the other day, he wouldn’t put it past himself to try and drown himself with wine. The fact that he woke up with an unsettling feeling in his stomach just cements his theory. Must be a weird hangover.

Poe is waiting for him at their corner, a milkshake already in front of him, “Chuuya! Are you really sure you’re okay enough to go out? We could always reschedule.” The concern is palpable in the man’s tone, his soft voice hurried and fretful. 

Chuuya thinks it’s because Poe caught him blacked-out drunk.

“I’m fine,” he says, “And I wanted to make it up to you anyway.”

“For what?” Poe asks, hands stilling from scratching behind Karl’s ears, his head tilting slightly in question.

After sneaking a glance at the counter and noting that the line is, in fact, longer than usual, he answers, “For ditching you the other day?” Maybe Chuuya should wait until the queue is shorter? 

“But you already did?”

This makes Chuuya halt, confusion tearing its way through his mouth, “What?”. The question slips from his tongue, his mind automatically forcing himself to Think, damn it! What did you do yesterday?

Poe stares at him, trying to find a hint of whatever it is he’s looking for before carefully responding, “You did— yesterday, remember?” He says, “You suddenly called me and we ate in your apartment and talked about your mystery author.”

It takes a few minutes for Chuuya to recover from his brain short-circuiting. Distantly, he notices how his breath is getting a little bit labored and shallow and how he’s shaking. He doesn’t feel like himself right now— doesn’t feel like it’s his body and feels more like an outsider privy to his thoughts.

“Oh… Maybe I got too drunk to remember.” He tries to laugh it off, sounding like he’s convincing himself rather than Poe, “I don’t really remember much. Did I do anything stupid?”

The man takes another sip from his milkshake, already halfway through and it reminds Chuuya that he still needs to order, “You did say a lot of, uh, dark things…”

Warning bells sound through his mind.

“Like, you know— Chuuya, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I know how it feels like and I care about you, okay?” Poe continues to worry, eyes strong and vulnerable. His hands fidget, like he wants to reach out and touch Chuuya and reassure that he’s okay, “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything…”

Chuuya now knows it’s not because Poe caught him blacked-out drunk.

Thoughts of hot chocolates and banana bread fly out of his mind. Faintly, he feels the back of his eyes warm and thinks that there’s a slight possibility that he might cry. He takes a deep breath in, counts from ten just like his therapist told him and tries to relax. It’s hard— harder than usual, like he’s sinking deeper and deeper into the ground and right now he feels like he doesn’t want to breathe anymore.

He tries anyway.

“Thank you,” He finally murmurs, “ I— Fuck…” The words are like broken glass, slicing at his lips the moment they try to break free from his mouths and it stings, “I’m not…”

Chuuya came here today with a slight bounce in his steps because he missed feeling okay when talking with Poe, so he surely didn’t expect to be talking about this. It’s like a slap to the face— like a cold bucket of water being dumped on him because he sure as hell wasn’t ready for his only friend to learn about this.

It’s like a breach of privacy. He was trying so hard to seem fine and okay— he should be fine and okay, damn it— so the fact that Poe thinks he’s not is throwing Chuuya off right now. In retrospect, it was a bit outlandish to think he could take this dirty, dark little secret with him to grave. Soon, preferably. But now the cat’s out of the bag, and he really wishes he didn’t wake up today.

How funny and coincidental is it that someone probably borrowed his body for a day and they’re just as, if not more so, miserable as Chuuya? Because if it were Chuuya, he’d keep up the façade as the workaholic, the outgoing and headstrong and stubborn person until the day he finally died. But he wasn’t Chuuya. He wasn’t Chuuya yesterday, and he slipped and now the first friend he’s had the pleasure to have in years knows how ugly and pitiful he is. 

Something warm presses against his shoulder and he looks and sees Poe looking at him with his arm outstretched. There’s no pity, no disgust, just resolve and worry and a promise. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s okay.”

Oh fuck, Poe is going to realize that meeting Chuuya was a mistake sooner or later. He’s going to finally figure out that Chuuya isn’t really who Poe thinks he is and that he’s a fake. Oh fu—

“It’s okay to not be fine.”

Chuuya tries to remember if anyone ever told him that. He’s not sure.

-

The man— Poe, his name is Poe— stares at him worriedly. It finally occurs to him, in order, that:

a.) He probably shouldn’t have said that.

b.) He’s not himself right now.

“Chuuya, are you okay?”

c.) He definitely shouldn’t have said that.

He laughs it off, waving his hands. The lower-pitched tone scratches against his voice box and he feels like a stranger and an intruder and that he shouldn’t be here. He feels like this is a fever dream, like something from a movie or a novel. He thinks, ‘If this is a fever dream then why couldn’t I have just dreamed about Odasaku?’ and promptly shuts that thought down because does he really want to wake up crying and shaking inconsolably again?

He smiles, “I’m fine.”

Hi everyone! I’m vvv late but here’s my work  for the bigbang! I’ll be queueing my work over the next few hours. Thanks for reading and see y’all in the next one!

Links will be provided at the last post, thanks!

[imminentinertia]

So, concrit. 

It’s an ongoing debate, has been at least for as long as I’ve been back into active fandom-ing after a long break. A decade long break, actually.

I left one type of fandom culture and came back to a different type of fandom culture, which may or may not give me some perspective but also may or may not make me the idiot ranting away about something she fails to understand. I’ll rant anyway.

I think this post sums up the arguments for and against giving concrit on fics pretty well, so if you don’t get why I’m about to rant, maybe read that first? If your’re still up for more words about concrit then, they’re under the cut.

Back In The Day (2005-2008 or so) I was quite active in a fandom. Back then, you posted your fics on LiveJournal, ff.net or some separate archive somewhere (often more than one). Today, authors mostly post on AO3, it’s the hub of most fandoms (I’m disregarding Asian/Russian/etc. fic hubs now and sticking with what’s relevant to me personally). There’s also LJ (still!!!), Facebook, Wattpad and so on, but I think we can agree that AO3 is the main fic place, yes? And now we get most of the fics in a fandom in one place and are exposed to fics of types we maybe wouldn’t have read if we still stuck to a multitude of archives based on pairing or particular interests.

When fandom was so fragmented as it was Back Then, even though LJ was huge, it may have been easier to form pockets of fandom subcultures. I don’t know. Even in the SKAM fandom today there are quite a few fairly separate subcultures with their own set of unwritten rules for what people think is okay and not okay.

Anyway.

In my (large) corner of fandom then, it was par for the course to say something about “concrit welcome” when you posted a fic. For some this was probably a routine they could have done without, but in general I believe that we genuinely meant it. We wanted comments on how to improve our writing, because we did want to improve it.

Fanfic was about the craft of writing, too, for us.

We did really want to get better at some or all of these things:

Narrative structure

Plot building

World building

Characterisation with the aim of writing as IC as possible

Using stylistic devices in general

Implementing canon

Writing as convincingly as possible about the canon setting

and we welcomed help from both friends and strangers.

Of course, in other corners of that fandom authors didn’t really care, or seemed to not care. They got huffy if you offered concrit (even though they may have slapped a “concrit welcome” on their fics), and they kept cheerfully posting purple prose featuring characters that only shared names and some physical traits with the canon characters.

We, however cared a lot.

(I’m probably making this sound as some delightful paradise for aspiring writers, and well, in some ways it probably was, but there was a dark side to it as well: sporking. quite a few of us (including me) were members of sporking communities and quite a few of us (including me) wrote spork posts. I’m not at all proud of that. We did feel like we were in the right, though, mocking badfic. What we judged to be badfic. What was terrible writing. Some of us (including me) definitely felt we could mock because we were decent writers and constantly trying to get better at writing. We were assholes when we wanted to.)

Today, it’s considered impolite to leave comments on a fic that are not entirely positive. From where I’m standing, positive comments are really really nice and heartwarming, but they don’t help me getting better at writing, and I want that.

I don’t write just to throw out unengaging words about some random people doing stuff more or less illogically. I write to capture the reader’s attention. I write to hopefully move the reader somehow (me being me, usually to amuse them but sometimes to address something more meaningful). I write because I enjoy crafting a narrative.

I don’t write because I’m stuck in a story I’ve seen or read and want to have more of it - that is, I do write because of that or I would have stuck to original fiction, but more importantly (to me) I want to write well. And it’s a very alien concept to me to write without wanting to improve one’s writing.

Often it’s said that you get a beta if you want criticism and advice, but let’s be real, a beta is usually a friend who may not be terribly knowledgeable (or even particularly interested in things like characterisation, which is the be all and end all of fanfiction) or inclined to tell their friend what they actually think. When I look for a beta I want someone who will be honest with me and actually help improving the fic. A beta who pats my head and tells me I’m very good is no help.

And in addition to that, I like getting feedback on what works and what doesn’t, from strangers too.

One of the comments I remember best is one complete stranger who liked how I’ve written the story, but thought the characters were too generic. I love that comment and after I’ve given even more thought to characterisation. It was politely worded, it made me think, it made me ask my betas to keep a particular eye on characterisation and I hope my fics are the better for it.

Unless I beta something myself I rarely offer comments about things that could have been improved, by the way, but I have done so - preferably in private on Tumblr, but a few times in comments on AO3. I’ve offered to help, and I’ve raved about their fics too, as I only really do this when I think a fic is great but could do with a little tweaking. It’s gone really, really well, I think, and I’ve had the joy of giving a hand with a lot of very lovely fics.

Where do I even want to go with this?

I’m not quite sure, to be honest. Maybe just put it out there that a positive and rewarding concrit culture is possible.

[mediaeval-muse]

How to Review a Book (by a College Lit Instructor)

I’ve been watching/reading a lot of book reviews lately, and I’ve noticed that a lot of book reviews sometimes struggle to separate personal opinion and taste from bad writing. While reading and art is indeed subjective, I figured I’d offer some helpful guiding questions if you’re looking to more clearly articulate why a book didn’t work for you, while also giving authors the benefit of the doubt. I’m not trying to say this is the ONLY WAY to review a book - just offering some resources for those interested. I use a lot of these questions when asking my students to talk about books beyond the initial “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” stage - but please don’t take this post to mean I’m lecturing you on how to talk about books. I don’t mean to talk down to anyone, just offering information to do with as you please. So without further ado, click the cut below!

Premise

What is the premise of the book? What does the book’s cover/marketing say it’s about vs what does the book itself present as the main premise? What is the author’s intention with this book?

Authorial intent is tricky because ultimately, authors have no control over how readers respond to their work. It’s useful, though, to think about what story the author may have been wanting to tell and evaluating the book based on how well he/she/they met that goal. For example, does the book put romance at the forefront of the story over other elements? Does the book spend a lot of time exploring the effects of trauma?

After reading the book, how well does the content of the book match up with its dust jacket description/summary?

Book jackets/summaries are usually controlled by the publisher, not the author, so it’s worth thinking about how the publisher is trying to market the book and how the publisher creates expectations in the reader. I think it’s unfair to blame authors if their book doesn’t match up with the advertisements or things on the dust jacket.

If there is a notable difference between the book’s content and its advertising/dust jacket summary, you can talk in depth about the discrepancy between the two and how publishing and marketing affect the reading of the book. That discussion is much more fruitful than just saying that the author misled the reader or that the book was bad because it wasn’t what you expected.

What are the themes of the book? How well does an author illustrate those themes and/or bring them to the forefront?

Genre

What genre is the book? Is it a romance? Sci fi? Fantasy? Contemporary? Literary fiction? Something else? Once you identify the genre, think about what tropes are common in books of that type. Then, think about what tropes the author uses, avoids, or subverts.

Tropes are not always bad - using a trope is ok as long as it works within the context of the story (and whether or not it works can be subjective). For example, the Chosen One trope is common in sci fi and fantasy, but just because an author uses it, that doesn’t mean the book is automatically bad (see, for example, the Harry Potter series). If the story is well-crafted, these tropes can be deployed well. You can talk about how well tropes were deployed in the story to boost your depth of discussion.

Sometimes subversion is not always well-done, especially if done for no other purpose than to be subversive or shocking. For example, a book may be subversive by challenging norms in our culture only to endorse more harmful ideas. Or, the subversiveness can be so random that it doesn’t integrate with the rest of the book.

Genre also creates expectation. If you pick up a fantasy novel, for example, you expect certain things to happen (such as magic). Talking about how genre sets up expectations and how well the author meets (or doesn’t meet) those expectations can also be fruitful to discuss.

It’s ok to call a book “popcorn fiction” or “junk food” if the author doesn’t seem to be trying to create high-brow literature. Not all books are written with the intent to be grand masterpieces, and it’s ok to enjoy popcorn fiction. I suggest removing the shame associated with reading popcorn fiction and instead talking about how these books are refreshing or light or pleasurable.

Not all literary fiction/high-brow fiction is good. Classics are classics not because they are good books, but because they were historically meaningful in some way. It’s ok to talk about how a book might be significant in terms of what cultural moments it is responding to, but lacks in the areas of style, narrative, etc.

Context

Consider the background or identity of the author as well as the historical moment in which the book is written. How do those things influence the way a book is written?

Sometimes, authors write about their own experiences; a black author might write about the experience of blackness in their book, or a queer author might mirror their personal lives in their books. Maybe an author is writing about being an office temp because they were one at some point in their lives. Thinking about how authors bring their personal stories into their books is useful because it highlights how the book may be a means of self-expression.

Not everything in a book can or should be matched up with an author’s personal life or background. Not all books are autobiographical, nor should they be. Think about when it is useful to match up author and work and when it’s best to see the two as separate. Just because an author writes something, that doesn’t mean they endorse/condone it or that everything they write is 100% reflective of who they are (especially when it comes to things like villains).

The time period in which a book was written has major impacts on things like aesthetics. Aesthetic tastes in the 1800s, for example, were not the same as today, so that means a book written in the 1800s was not written with you, the contemporary reader, in mind. That doesn’t make the book bad - that just means it wasn’t for you.

Likewise, older books may reference a lot of things that were common knowledge in their day, but are lost to us. That also doesn’t mean the book is bad.

Narrative

How well-crafted is the story? Is the pace appropriate? Is there a balance between action and emotional moments?

“Well-crafted” is subjective, but you can talk about how a narrative is plotted. The most basic storytelling tool you can use is this breakdown of exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution, though a book can play with this structure and make multiple rising actions, climaxes, etc. This breakdown is useful for identifying if there is too much exposition, too much buildup, a weak climax, etc.

Fast-paced is not always an indicator of good writing and slow pacing is not always an indicator of bad writing: sometimes books rush through events and create confusion or slow down events to mirror the feelings of a character. Rushing through emotional moments may be bad because it shows the author is not giving appropriate time to weighty topics. For example, if a book spends no time unpacking the emotions of a character who has just endured a traumatic event, that can be a bad thing for readers who want a balance of action and emotion.

Sometimes, twists and surprises are poorly executed - think about the twist in terms of the overall book. Is it a fitting twist that enriches the reading experience or does it seem shoe-horned in for cheap thrills? Does the twist make the story richer or distract from it?

Characters

Are the characters well-developed? Do they grow and change over the course of the book? Do they have flaws as well as strengths? Do they act according to how a person with their personality would act?

Characters don’t have to act rationally 100% of the time. Sometimes, a character can behave irrationally if under stress or is emotion or just has a consistent character flaw. Discuss when the character’s actions are consistent with their characterization and when the author just seems to be trying to create drama or make a plot point happen.

Negative character growth can be just as interesting as positive growth. Think about what an author might be trying to accomplish with it.

A “Mary Sue” can be interesting if a character from a particular demographic is not normally featured in a protagonist’s role (for example: Rey from Star Wars is often labelled as a Mary Sue, but SW hasn’t featured a female protagonist). A “Mary Sue” can also be uninteresting if the character is too perfect (some YA novels use perfectly beautiful badass white women with no character flaws over and over). Think about what the author is trying to do and whether or not a character type is common across the genre or not.

Antagonists are antagonists - let them act immorally and think about how they are crafted as foils to the protagonists. Are they a good match for the protagonist or are they run-of-the-mill evil? How might a generic villain serve the story well? When is generic villainy insufficient?

Unlikeable protagonists can be deployed well - talk about what made an unlikeable protagonist interesting to follow vs what made them impossible to connect to. This discussion is more useful than saying “I couldn’t connect to the main character.”

Explain what you mean when you say a character is “relatable.” Relatability isn’t always an indication of good quality and varies from reader to reader. Instead, think about what character traits appealed to you.

Style

Quality of writing style can be largely dependent on personal taste, so I think it is better discussed if you can attach some descriptors to it (ex: purple prose, poetic style, very descriptive, simple sentences, etc.). Discussing style in these terms can be more interesting than just saying “the writing is bad.” Some things you can keep in mind:

The advice “show not tell” isn’t always universal. Think about when an author uses telling well.

Think about the length of sentences. It’s easier for readers to move through sentences that vary in length vs sentences that are always short or always long.

Authors don’t have to lay out everything for the reader - consider when a book over-explains or under-explains (ex: The Tiger’s Wife does a good job of leaving some things left unsaid without distracting the reader).

Ask yourself if the metaphors or figurative language is well-chosen or if it’s cliche.

How well does the author create a mood? While moods can be a matter of preference (for example, some readers might like sad books), you can think about how well the author deploys moods in certain situations (like if a sad moment in the plot is made more impactful by the writing style).

Problematic Elements

When talking about problematic elements of a book, it’s ok to say that something turned you off of a book altogether. It’s also ok to say that it didn’t. Some things to help navigate discussion:

Consider how the author is depicting something like racism, sexism, violence, etc. Are they engaging with it in a meaningful way? Are they including it to be edgy or grimdark? Are problematic things romanticized and if so, what is the effect? For example, Jessica Jones uses rape to craft a story that critiques rape culture, whereas The Warded Man uses rape to show how barbaric the fantasy world is.

Everyone’s mileage will vary re: tolerating problematic elements. It’s ok to discuss where the line falls for individual readers as opposed to saying that every book has to meet the same standards. Some people may be ok with the spanking scene in Outlander, whereas some may not - that doesn’t mean the book should be banned or labeled universally bad.

Villains are tricky - discuss when a villain’s behavior is problematic vs when it’s just villains doing bad things. I would say that the Purple Man’s behavior in Jessica Jones is used effectively, even though it’s problematic, because of the show’s overall premise and themes.

If you have more suggestions, I’d love for you to add them!

[foxghost]

Bai Yu’s reading of “I Like” by Zhang Xiaofeng

白宇 | 榜樣閱讀 | 正文閱讀張曉風的作品《我喜歡》

It’s pretty long, so I’ve translated in paragraphs and left timestamps in between each. Full translation under cut. (Video is not subbed as I post this)

00:13 What is the meaning of life? Humanity has always pondered over this question. In the 19th century, philosophers of existentialism suggested that every person should give their own life meaning, to live passionately and sincerely, to treat others with sincerity, to discover the beauty in living, to admire minute, real happiness. You will find that, in early morning dew dripping between grasses, in the varicoloured light of the sunset cooled and mellowed by evening breeze, all of it is this world giving back to you with sincerity.

00:44 Hello everyone, I'm today's reader, Bai Yu. The piece I'm reading today is an excerpt from the celebrated prose essay writer Zhang Xiaofeng's "I Like." And now, we enter the reading segment.

1:03 I like being alive; life is like this, so brimming with delight.

1:09 I like the sunshine in winter, the way it unfolds in the hazy fog of dawn. I like that portion of mild and distant serenity; I like that light and heat given without clamour. Come noon, the playground is full of people leisurely sitting, sunning; that primal and genuine imagery always manages to profoundly touch my heart.

1:30 I like to tread narrow mountain footpaths in the spring breeze, with strawberries solicitously, diligently blooming and clustering with fruit like red lanterns all along the way. I like raising my head to see the sharp points of young buds on the tree tops; the youngest and most tender yellow green blushing with a hint of innocent pink, as if preparing to offer something, to present something. That poise so weak and yet overflowing with life would often teach me some of the most beautiful truths in its wordlessness.

2:00 I like to look at a patch of neatly laid out, glossy and shiny field full of young shoots. Those tiny seedlings lining up tightly together are like a finely woven rug, knitted to completion by gathering so many blue-green feathers, always rousing my desire to lie down atop of it.

2:17 I like the eternal days of summer; I like to sit alone on a windy balcony near the mountains at dusk. In the little valley, wind cutting through the rice paddies makes waves through the water, and the beautiful fragrance of rice surges forth like raging torrents. Slowly, the magnificent red wispy clouds of sunset are washed clean, and the gentle night stars ascend to their places one by one. I like to admire such a staged set; I like to sit in that comfortable box seat.

2:45 I like to look at the hills full of reeds as they brighten in autumn wind cold and mournful — on the hillside, by the water, so beautiful, forlorn. That time, Liu told me that in a dream he gained a line of poetry: misty trees flowering reeds joining the white of rivers. The conceptual imagery is beautiful to the extreme, but the level and oblique tones are hard to pronounce. He wants to put together an entire quatrain, but he does not have the heart to change it. He wants to write a counterpoint and tie it into antiquity style, but however much painstaking effort he puts in he could not come up with an adequate line. And so even today it remains a single line of poetry; a kind of beautiful and isolated artistic concept.

3:28 I also like dreams; I like the enjoyment of fantasy I can have in dreams. I keep dreaming that I can fly, that I can jump over hills and streams. I keep dreaming of fantastical colours and pleasing figures: I dreamt of a brown steed, its glossy mane rising with the wind; I dreamt of flocks of wild geese resting in clusters of grass by a river bank; I dreamt of a sea of lotus flowers, entirely boundless, flaunting their nebulous fragrance and beauty far and wide — these are all things I have never seen in my everyday life. The most unforgettable was that time I dreamt of watching the sunrise on an unbroken chain of purple mountain peaks; they must not have been purple to begin with — it is only the bluish-green jade of distant mountains reflecting the red sun as it begin to rise that such a peculiar scene could be realised in a dream.

4:20 In between night reading, I like to open the curtains and look at the sky, to look at a vast sky brimming with stars, as brilliant as a garden full of spring flowers. I like even more to watch the slightly swaying lamplight in the bends of distant mountain paths: so blurry and veiled; so feeble and delicate. Could it be that among them another person is also reading in the night?

4:40 I like the dry river banks even more so, with climbing plants growing all over that reaches up to a person’s shoulder. At sunset, as far as the eyes can see are endless white stones possessing such a feeling of boundless melancholy. The stones are all stacked on top of one another, folding even the fervent moods of a person’s heart layer upon layer. I like that kind of mood — as if you’re listening to someone calling out in a ravine, the unending haunting echo that bleakly repeats and repeats.

5:07 I like what other people don’t notice, like the cypress that no one pays attention to on the lawn. Every time I walk by it I must stop to sniff at its thread of clean sweet scent, to take a look at its humble bearing. There are times I suspect whether it is humble, for maybe it doesn’t even know the existence of the dragon juniper. Perhaps even though it knows of the existence of the dragon juniper, it doesn’t consider the difference between what’s grand and what’s commonplace; for in truth, there isn’t much difference between what’s grand and what’s commonplace.

5:48 What I like to the utmost, with a liking bearing a few parts awe and reverence, is the ocean. That vastness, that lofty distance like diluted ink, all of it enchants me. And that majestic ambience, that steadfast manner, and immeasurable depth, always raising its wordless challenge towards humankind.

6:10 I like home; I never knew before that I would like home this much. Every time I come back from the outside, the moment I laid eyes on that narrow red door I would be filled with such happiness and pride. I have a home — what a wonderful thing that is!

6:26 I like — I like. All this, I like with a deep fondness! I like how in my heart I can be filled with so many kinds of ‘like’!

6:49 I like this essay; it contains a sincere fondness of life, it reveals what the author saw, what gave her heart delight, and as you read it you can feel a sense of tranquility. It is a very beautiful essay. I hope that everyone can like what I shared. In the end, I am going to recommend a book, it is Yu Hua's "Alive." I hope that everyone can pay close attention to life itself, to treat the world with sincerity, especially to treat oneself with sincerity. Just like what the essay said at the beginning, "I like being alive; life is like this, so brimming with delight."

---

TN. “I Like” is one of my favourite things, so I also made a full translation of it. The tumblr post for that is here.

I didn’t sub the above video because I didn’t want to time 8+ minutes of uninterrupted speech. If anyone wants to sub it with my script, feel free to do so.

[swampgallows]

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED 

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her. 

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose. 

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it. 

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it. 

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating.  it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

[driftingglass]

For the fanfic ask meme: 1, 3 and 50

Thank you for asking, wonderful talented writing gem. 

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

Haha. No. 

I would never be able to reread anything from those dark days. Even some older work from the last year or so I struggle to reread. The first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote was an angst bullshit piece for the Rozen Maiden fandom, and it was full of purple prose and was focused entirely on Suigintou. 

Subpar anime. Was… I think twelve or thirteen, when I wrote that. 

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

I think Wayward Souls is my best fic, honestly. It’s a miracle that it was even complete despite how much I loved writing it and planning it. Killua and Gon are very, very difficult to write for many reasons, but are also very rewarding. So yeah, I consider that to be the best. 

A… not-so-close second, would probably be Lex Talionis. And that’s not even close to being finished yet. It just, has the most recent version of prose I’ve experimented with that actually seems to be working, and I think that’s going to be the pinnacle I’ll be able to reach for Boku no Hero Academia.

Who knows, though. Maybe a fic will surpass Wayward Souls someday. 

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

This is a fantastic question.

Fanfiction provided the escape I needed back in middle school, when I didn’t know how to express my anxious self in a hobby that I wasn’t accustomed to comfortably yet. It provided a way for me to express my ideas and receive constructive feedback on top of it. And, it was free–that in itself was helpful. 

Fanfiction has taught me many lessons, actually. Learning how to outline projects, develop distinct characters after working with the intellectual property of others, and worldbuilding all stemmed from venturing into fanfiction. I think it’s a valuable exercise in various areas for writing and can lead to exponential growth in many people. Of course, it depends how you use the opportunity like any other.

I’ve also, through Archive of Our Own (and Tumblr, now) in particular, met some of my closest friends. Which, when diving into fanfiction way back when I was a frightened barely-teen, was not something I ever expected possible. 

I think that fanfiction, like most things, can have positive and negative effects on people who choose to do it. There are negative sides when the writer (myself included) struggles to understand the balance between actually loving your work and knowing when it’s okay to stop. It’s hard, at times, to believe that you don’t owe anyone anything, despite the potential thousands of readers who track and follow your work. 

There’s a dangerous allure of validation and addiction that can stem from becoming wrapped up in the world of fanfiction and fandom in general, but there are too many rewarding aspects to just kick it off completely. I don’t plan on writing fanfiction for much longer after my current projects are complete (these current ones may just be my last), but I will never forget what the act itself has taught me as a person.

Without experimenting with fanfiction all those years ago, and then trying my hand at it once more in my last (and most strenuous) year of college, I would not be even close to the writer I am today. Fanfiction aside, we are always growing as creatives, and expanding as we learn.

So, yes. I consider fanfiction to be incredibly valuable for a lot of people. I can’t speak for everyone, but for myself? It’s a part of me. It’s an escape. A series of exercises. It’s an amalgamation of creative ideas and fandom expression that can be used in so many different ways, and part of that extends to multiple communities who want to share in those experiences with you.

There are very few things like being a fanfiction writer who continues learning and attempting to hone their craft. I wish to be a published author someday, and the growing confidence I’ve achieved has mostly stemmed from what I’ve learned in taking that chance all those years ago, and creating my first account on FanFiction.net. 

I know, what a dinosaur. 

This… was a surprisingly pretty emotional ask, but I love this question and think it’s valuable for any fandom creative to think about. Express yourself, learn while you create, and embrace it. 

And, have fun. It’s easy to forget how important that is sometimes.

Thank you for the wonderful questions, @fireolin.

[karyu-endan]

Twilight Chapter 15/16 review: Meyer Wrote This Story Sideways, I Swear

I’m in a bit of a pickle right now.

See, I read two chapters of Twilight back-to-back today. This is because chapter 15 ends in a really awkward spot. Edward starts telling Bella about Carlisle’s backstory, but he stops partway through rather abruptly and picks it back up early into chapter 16.

Now, I could see it being done like this if Meyer wanted Carlisle to join the conversation and talk about his own past in order to get a feel for how the man himself reflects on it, but this doesn’t happen. Chapter 16 starts with Edward taking Bella to Carlisle’s office to ask him to continue where he left off, but Carlisle has to fill in for another doctor who called in sick and can’t say anything, leaving Edward to tell Bella more about Carlisle. The chapter transition has no point other than giving Bella an excuse to gush about the size of Carlisle’s book collection and a painting on the wall when she steps into his office.

So chapter 15 doesn’t really end and I read chapter 16 as well. But now I have two chapters’ worth of content I need to say my piece about, and if I put all of my thoughts into a single post it would be too long. So here’s what I came up with. I’ll be splitting the review of this couple of chapters into three parts. This one, which will cover most of the content in both chapters, and two more parts which will deal with Carlisle’s backstory and Edward’s backstory specifically. Carlisle’s backstory forms a bulk of both chapters and is big enough it deserves its own review, and while Edward’s backstory is not given anywhere near as much focus (strangely enough) that small section is nonetheless rather important and I want to give it my undivided attention.

With that out of the way, let’s begin the chapters in earnest.

Chapter 14 ends with Bella falling asleep to the sound of Edward singing a lullaby too quiet for Charlie to hear. Chapter 15 starts with Bella waking up the next morning, and after the initial surprise of it, she is ecstatic to learn that Edward stuck around all night long and was at her side when she woke up.

Well, after being flattered by Edward breaking into her house every night to watch her sleep without her consent nothing surprises me. Maybe it’s just another chance for Edward to lose control and turn Bella into a vampire. I don’t know.

Anyway, after Edward informs her that Charlie already left, Bella has breakfast and as she’s eating it Edward tells her he’d like Bella to meet his family today... and eventually he’d like Bella to introduce him to Charlie as her boyfriend. After some squabbling about the word “boyfriend” Bella reluctantly accepts Edward’s proposal to meet his family.

But not reluctantly in the sense that she’s afraid of being eaten by half a dozen vampires, oh no. That’d be the sane reaction. Instead, Bella’s reluctant because she’s afraid the Cullens won’t like her!

Because if the Cullens don’t like her, they won’t go along with her inevitable pleas to turn her into a vampire. Come on; for what other reason could this cognitive dissonance possibly exist?

Oh, and Edward points out how irrationally Bella’s behaving. This is actually something rather common in this book, for several characters. Most of the time, someone will acknowledge that a given character is being stupid, crazy, or a jerk. But aside from Mike in chapter 7, no one ever actually learns from being called out and keeps doing what they aren’t supposed to be doing. It can only happen so often before it gets annoying.

No wonder Mervin started keeping track of it with the Sin Thine Ass Off counter.

Back to the story. Bella quickly gets changed and then Edward takes her to the Cullen household, which is understandably pretty far away from the rest of town. Then Bella goes into detail about the surrounding scenery, and the exterior of the house… and the interior of the house when Edward takes her in. The extended description is surprisingly not filled with purple prose and does what it is intended to do: give readers an idea of what the setting looks like and provide atmosphere for the coming scenes. Thankfully not everything Cullen-related is dazzling.

And now Bella meets the rest of the Cullens… well, save Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie is the only one that doesn’t like Bella and Emmett’s trying to reason with her, according to Edward. Though Emmett still has enough common sense to consider Edward a lunatic for staying with Bella; he just doesn’t have anything against Bella herself. Upon learning this Bella asks Edward what Rosalie dislikes her for and after Edward says it’s because she’s jealous, Bella asks how Rosalie could possibly be jealous of her.

Yeah, Bella! How dare someone stuck being teenager for all eternity be jealous of someone capable of growing up and living a full life? I mean, that’s not quite the reason, but as usual Bella is too dazzled by appearances to even consider that.

As for the actual reason? In due time… In due time…

Back to the Cullens that actually meet Bella, Carlisle and Esme are the first. Carlisle is amicable enough to request that Bella refer to him by his first name (after previously referring to him as Dr. Cullen). As for Esme… she’s very happy. Almost too happy. She pressures Edward into playing the piano for Bella and Edward later says that even if Bella had webbed feet and a third eye she’d be impressed. Edward had gone on without a partner for so long (and flat-out rejected Rosalie, let’s remember) that Esme was apparently getting worried that he’d be forever alone.

I wonder what Esme would think if Edward brought a boy home instead of a girl.

Also, when describing Esme, Bella compares her to Snow White. That’s three allusions to Disney princesses now.

Then down comes Alice! She stops just short of glomping Bella in excitement. Esme could be seen like the mother who’s relieved that her son is straight after all… while Alice is definitely the fangirl who’s celebrating her OTP finally becoming canon.

I like Alice. Alice might be crazy, but unlike Bella and Edward who understand the problems with their actions but do them anyway, she’s innocently crazy. Her having no memories of her human life means she has no innate understanding of social etiquette and her ability to see the future might give her a warped sense of morality. Scenes like this one demonstrate her naivety when it comes to basic, human things like introductions. The rest of the Cullens are reserved and trying to ease Bella into getting to know them, understandably trying to make sure Bella isn’t frightened by a bunch of vampires she’s never really met before. Alice, however, holds nothing back and shows off just how much she wants to befriend Bella the moment she can.

It actually provides a nice contrast with Bella. Bella is a compulsive liar that can’t comprehend just telling the truth is an option, while Alice has no conversation filter thanks to her unique circumstances and has difficulty lying when she should. One can only imagine what Alice had to go through in order to learn how to pass as an ordinary high school student (and she seemed a lot quieter in chapter 12 too; in hindsight, she was clearly out of her element).

Again, I posit that Bella/Alice would be more interesting than Bella/Edward, since their personalities actually complement each other and they can help one another overcome their flaws.

In contrast to Alice, Jasper is the most shy about meeting Bella. He doesn’t even as much as shake Bella’s hand and actually initially uses his power to make Bella feel better about meeting him before Edward gives him a sharp glare and he stops it. Again, this is an effective introduction for him because of course Jasper would be the most hesitant at meeting Bella; he’s the one with the worst control issues and has to worry about losing control the most.

It’s just a shame we’re getting these Establishing Character Moments after Edward gave us a bunch of exposition about them in chapters 13 and 14. Showing Alice’s lack of social skills and Jasper’s hesitance and then explaining what was up with them would have given the scenes more impact. As the books are structured, Alice and Jasper are given exposition first as just a bit of fluff breaking up the pace of the story, and these moments here only back-up what Edward was saying; an Establishing Character Moment loses its weight when we already know what to expect. Had I been writing this story, I wouldn’t have gone into detail about Alice and Jasper until right after these moments here, with Bella asking why they were acting weird as a segue into Edward explaining their backstories. The chapter would end when Edward finishes and starts showing Bella the upper floors of the house, leaving the chapter hanging as Edward’s about to talk about Carlisle’s backstory, with chapter 16 devoted entirely to that with Carlisle adding to the discussion himself for reasons I pointed out earlier.

And with that… it’s over. Practically nothing substantial happens after meeting the Cullens for the rest of these two chapters. After they leave, Edward starts playing the piano for Bella. Then Edward talks about Carlisle. Then Edward talks about himself. Then chapter 16 ends with Alice and Jasper letting Edward know they’re going to play some baseball in the back yard. In the middle of it all Edward brings up Alice having a vision recently about some human-eating vampires coming to visit (which seems to be there just so Meyer can say that James doesn’t come out of nowhere), but that’s pretty much it from the plot development standpoint.

Next time Carlisle’s backstory is getting closely examined for any story-related illnesses we may diagnose it with.

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

Some Off-The-Cuff Writing Editing Tips bc I’m Writing and Editing Today

I’m editing my essay and splurge-writing my novel today: after doing the editing it’s become harder to free write without editing, as is my policy for this novel draft, because I’m hyper-aware of all the flaws haha

so, some tips, to get them out of my head:

If you have to read a sentence twice, that sentence needs clarifying or simplifying. All your sentences should make sense without interrupting the flow of reading. Maybe you need to switch some clauses around, break it into shorter sentences, or simplify the language. This can be really tricky, I know; sometimes it feels like, ‘this is the only way to say it!’ If that’s the case, leave it and come back to it later; it might make more sense then. 

Leave your writing for at least one day before you edit it. You can edit immediately after finishing writing something, but if you do, you should go through it again another day. If your writing is so fresh in your mind that you remember every word you wrote, your brain might be filling it what it remembers writing rather than letting you read what’s actually on the page, and you’ll end up skimming and missing some typos. You’ll read it too quickly, thinking I know what I wrote. I usually get my dad to read for typos, because he’s the slowest reader I know; slow reading = better typo-finding.

If you have used a colon and/or a semicolon more than once in a sentence that is not a list, it needs to be two sentences. The same could be said of dashes but - as exemplified here - a pair of dashes forming a sidenote is fine. Also, don’t try to use semicolons if you don’t know how; god knows I wish I could turn back time and erase them from my vocabulary because I do know how to use them and boy do I use them, waayyy too much. modern writing doesn’t really need them. 

As my professor once wrote on an essay I handed in, any sentence that goes on for six lines is too long. Yes, I actually Did That. 

Think about terms of address. This is big issue in my novel atm; the pov switches from chapter to chapter, and the characters are getting to know each other slowly so the terms of address will change not only from chapter to chapter, but also as the story goes on. You may call that character by their name in your head, but maybe your narrator would call them by a nickname, or by their surname/title. This is, believe it or not, actually somewhat applicable to essay-writing too: the amount of times I’ve almost referenced a familiar academic or character/figure by their first name...

Unless you’re writing sarcastically/ironically, in first person/inner monologue, or for children/childishly, exclamation marks in the narration usually read badly. I’m sure it can be done, but it’s usually best to avoid it. Unless you’re using the exclamation mark to indicate a tone of voice, consider if it’s deflating rather than adding to the tension of your sentence. It’s a voice-focused piece of punctuation and should really be reserved for speech or inner monologue. 

Adverbs are not evil (despite popular opinion), but double adverbs are usually a bad idea. The same goes for double adjectives. If they describe two different things or two different aspects of a thing - eg, pink and white stripes, walking slowly and carefully, or silent and deadly assassin - you can get away with it, but only sparingly. If you have two adverbs/adjectives that say basically the same thing - she was quiet and shy, this is correct and true, she writes plainly and clearly - scrap one, or find a new word that better encompasses the subtleties of both. If you’re using a lot of adverbs, maybe question whether the verbs need to be talking louder instead. But remember, no entire word group is inherently bad, c’mon writing tips people why do you want to destroy adverbs??

‘Purple Prose’ is not evil either, but consider where your metaphors/similes/description may have gotten too extensive and broken the flow of your writing. Too much of any one thing clumped together can ‘clog up’ your writing, so consider if maybe certain chunks of description - or monologue or speech - could be making this section monotonous, and maybe break it up with something else or shorten it. Variety is helpful for keeping people interested. 

Have you jumped? By this I mean, have you stopped talking about one thing and gone straight on to something totally different? Jumps can be okay, as long as they’re clearly signposted, and as long as the end of the last section and the beginning of the new one are well-closed and well introduced respectively. Any big gaps need to be at least slightly bridged. Alternatively, you could not jump at all and fill the gap in. 

Are you overusing or repeating one word or phrase? I once read a biography of JK Rowling that used the phrase ‘deliriously happy’ for every single good moment in her life. I hated that phrase by the end. Try not to use the same word or phrase to describe everything. It can be hard to spot this in your own writing so beta readers are helpful here. WARNING: this does not go for ‘said’! You are allowed to use ‘said’ and other simple words as much as you like! people will, however, pick up if you use a more specific word too frequently. A comment on my last graded piece was ‘stop saying understanding’ - I’d used it three times in two sentences... 

I’m sure there’s lots more, but that’s all that comes to mind right now. Please remember that these are TIPS and note RULES - there are no ‘rules’ to writing, you do you, this is just what helps me and some common things my teachers have advised me against

please add your own tips to this post and let’s make it into an editing masterpost!

[talesofsymphoniac]

NOW YOU HAVE TO ANSWER ALL THE ODD ONES. TAKE THAT

JUST YOU FRICKIN’ WATCH ME

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

I think my first fics were Tales of Symphonia ones when I was 12 that I actually handwrote and still have because I collect all my notebooks like a packrat. I like rereading them from time to time– some parts are cringey, of course, but there are other ones that I just LOVE.There was also a Dawn of the New World sequel with, like, my own OCs and everything that I spent a whole summer on. That one I DID throw away because I expected it to end up cringey. And yeah, from what I remember it was (fight scenes are HARD, okay?) but also I really wish I could reread it. Now all I have are my memories…

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

Click Away is my baby and I’ll never stop being proud of it, sorry :P Any of my longfics, really.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Hm, well I just finished my latest WIP, so I have nothing actively in progress right now… I have a few sequel ideas for Click Away still kicking around that I’d like to get to eventually, though!

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

One of the advantages of writing in small fandoms is there’s a good chance that your idea hasn’t been done before, I’ve found. I mean, Tales of Zestiria has a few hundred works, but in general when I’ve been excited to write fics it’s usually because it’s a concept I haven’t seen explored as much. I mean, I guess modern AUs had been done before with Click Away, but I’d never seen an Online AU, for instance. Usually there’s some sort of twist or key point in my fics hat makes it so I don’t compare my writing to others, at least not much.

Then there’s the Death Gate fandom, which I do tend to be harsh on myself with just because there’s really one main author there who is really good and I always worry about how my stuff will “measure up” next to that, or knowing the exact individuals who will be reading, but that’s less about a specific concept and more about writing for that fandom in general, haha.

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I haven’t been writing stuff with the intent to post it for very long, sooooo. I am more likely to try to write AUs now, as opposed to canon stuff (I still very much prefer writing canon-based stuff, though :P)

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Nope, haha. My motivation is already so spotty that if something excites me enough to write it, I just go for it. And that almost never happens with two different ideas at the same time.

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

Treading Water, my Sormik lifeguard AU. It has my third-highest kudos on AO3 and while I like it well enough, it’s never been one of my favorites, personally!

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

That’s really hard??? I guess something introspective, probably, with strong relationships and themes? Possibly Polarity from To draw on all its omnipotence, though it’s a little bit too angsty to really describe my “portfolio.” It would need to be way more fluffy. Maybe something more like Fate Slides Into Freedom from the same. Or maybe The Truth Comes Out from A Click Away? Or Light from The Unspoken Bond? Idk, man.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

a;sldkfjaf I’m a really bad person and I almost never check that kind of thing, I’m so sorry

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

I don’t really get much in the way of constructive criticism (and that says nothing about me as an author, but more how fandom in general is trained not to critique fanworks unless the author asks for it). I did get a critical review in my first try writing Unspoken Bond which echoed stuff I’d already been thinking (basically that I could afford to bounce around the timeline a lot more in that fic, since it covered a lot of canon elements) and inspired me to give it another go in a different way, which I’ll always be grateful for even though I’ll also always wish it hadn’t taken someone else pointing it out anonymously for me to change things around, you know?

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I read (or read, past tense) a lot of Yuri on Ice fic, but somehow I never wanted to write for it very much. I did a few script things, but for the most part the anime gave me a lot of what I wanted to see, so there was less of a desire on my part to fill the gaps. But I love reading other people’s interpretations!

That’s a pretty significant exception, though. In general, writing and reading usually matches up pretty well!

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

I always feel weird trying to write Dezel and Zaveid. It’s why they always have such small parts if they’re even in my fics. I have to say, though, I actually did enjoy Dezel more than I thought I would in Click Away (he still had a really small role, though)

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

MARIT. Granted, this was only for To draw on all its omnipotence, since that’s the only one that’s really let me delve into her brain so far, but I didn’t expect her to have as much to say as she did. The thing about Marit is she only becomes a main character in the last two books out of seven in Death Gate, so there’s a lot of room to talk about her that just didn’t happen in those two books. I expected her to be hard to write for that reason, but instead it was really fun to get to flesh her out a bit more! And I really think the whole fic was better for it!

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

There was a little more Zaveid/Lailah flirting in Treading Water than I intended, but I lowkey ship that, so it wasn’t like I minded, haha. Other than that… I don’t think so?

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

*cough* Salt and Sugar *cough* Statement released by Mikleo, 200 years after Sorey’s sleep began *cough cough*

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

Maybe a little one in the Zesti/Sormik crowd!

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

I don’t cross-post fics, except sometimes to Tumblr. AO3 is vastly preferred. (I used to read from ff.net when that was more popular but never wanted to post anything there)

43. How many views has your least popular fic gotten?

Going by kudos: What is Love? and What are Friends For? both have 5 kudos and 40 and 77 hits, respectively. Going by hits, A Soft Epilogue has 38 views (but 8 kudos).

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

Well, I use the tag “Fluff” a lot, so there’s that. Fluff, family, friendships, relationships, that sort of thing.

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Hmmm, it would definitely depend on the person, but if I trusted them enough to show them something I might have them read Wedding Bells, actually. Just because it’s pretty innocent, gets into some pretty interesting points about the Purple Prose AU, and doesn’t require a ton of context.

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

@neodiji was really unbelievably sweet the other day and left a comment on To draw on all its omnipotence, so that counts!

[grandschemed]

All salty questions please

1. how salty are you feeling right now?

i had my cup of coffee and it’s 9:15 and i don’t have any work to do at work at the moment so u know?? i actually feel pretty good i’m chill it’s all good but please continue reading under the cut for more salty unpopular opinions by yours truly :*

2. what are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

3. what rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

4. have you ever made a call out post or wanted to?

i don’t think i have??  i’ve never really had an issue with somebody to the point that i felt as if i needed to make a callout post which thank god??? i’m grateful i’ve ( for the most part ) had really positive experiences so far 

as for callout culture itself ?? i have mixed feelings about it bc the majority of callout posts i’ve read seem kind of Harsh bc ur essentially damning this person from the roleplay community forever esp. bc i personally don’t think roleplaying is That Deep u know??  like theft is annoying and whatnot but idk if it’s something i’d call somebody out for personally - MAYBE I WOULDN’T MIND CALLOUT POSTS if anons didn’t go overboard telling said individual to die / kill themselves ??? 

HOWEVER i think there are instances in which callout posts are necessary esp. when calling out tumblr users for being a racist / pedophile / etc. THAT’S SUBJECTIVE AS HELL i know but pedophilia is GROSS AS FUCK and SO IS RACISM and god forbid i accidentally follow / write with any of those people because ew ew ew EW it’s good to know who to avoid in the community at the same time so ... Yeah i’ve got mixed feelings about callout posts

5. a ship everyone in the fandom you’re in loves, but you can’t stand?

since i’m a multimuse part of 1002 fandoms i’ll focus on haikyuu!! except i’m pretty sure i’m going to get my ass roasted alive but i really can’t stand i/waoi LMAO but that’s mostly out of bias and the fact that a lot of i/waoi shippers have ruined it for me by viciously hating on u/shijima as a character calling him a r/apist and saying that u/shioi is abusive when u/shijima has done literally nothing ever to abuse o/ikawa like what ?? if anything i/waoi is the abusive ship considering i/waizumi’s the one who physically hurts o/ikawa all the time LOL

shitty shippers aside idk i/waoi’s personally just not really my jam?  to be honest all the super popular hq!! ships aren’t rly my jam - i don’t even really have good explanation for why i dislike i/waoi as much as i do from an unbiased point of view but i prefer them as friends ?? in all honesty ??  JUST MY 2 CENTS THO 

6. have you ever sent something to one of those burn book blogs?

lol no i might be extra but i aint That Extra laughs in all seriousness i rly haven’t had any major problems w/ other roleplay blogs to the point that i was tempted to send something to a burn book blog

7. has someone made you unfollow/block them without a second thought because of a petty reason?

i’m trying to remember if there were any instances in which i did so for a petty reason but most of the time ??? i usually unfollow if somebody writes something Inherently Problematic / over-the-top purple prose / they don’t follow me back ... there was one time when i unfollowed somebody bc i asked them for their autoplay bc i rly liked the song and i just wanted to listen to it??? LMAO but they thought i was going to steal from them just bc we wrote the same muse and i was like Bro. I JUST LIKED UR AUTOPLAY what the hell i just wanted to listen to it 200 times in a row on youtube chill so i unfollowed them bc lmao how dare you assume i’d steal from somebody in the first place Get Over Yourself Susan

8. are you good at dealing with personal problems?

i’d say so?? again i usually don’t rly have roleplaying issues but problems aside from those i usually like to vent on twitter and i feel Much Better after that??  im a pretty chill person irl and shit doesn’t rly get to me so i can come off as kind of blunt / insensitive but i feel like i get over most stuff pretty quickly - there’s no reason to get Angry and make somebody suffer when somebody tries to fuck you over imo??  True Vengeance is aspiring to be happier / richer / more successful / fulfilled than that person will ever be - that’s my Fuck You to those people y’know?? 😂😂😂 life is so much better when i focus on me and figuring out what i can do to fulfill my emotional needs - i feel very lucky with what i have and all my friends and family who cherish + support me of course though !!

9. what’s your opinion on duplicates?

i may come off as a confident self-assured person but even i get shaken time to time y’know??  but for the most part i don’t rly mind duplicates??  in fact i like to try to befriend them to get over any anxiety i might have over duplicates and i think it’s a silly thing to be uncomfortable by duplicates personally bc again roleplaying rly ain’t that deep you guys - in fact you guys both like the same character so you guys chose to write the same character??  duplicates + i already have a connection in that sense!!  also duplicate muse threads are SUPER COOL to write in my opinion bc it lets your muse face themselves and they can rly see themselves for who they really are which i think is Always Cool because i love writing threads in which i get to explore emotional depth with my muses ?? PLUS DUPLICATES ARE COOL bc it’s kind of interesting to see how other people interpret the same character you write bc everybody has different opinions 

i know the anxiety might be there but i think the best advice my mom has ever given me is not to compare yourself to other people even if you think they’re better than you or something and i know that’s hard advice to follow for everybody but roleplaying is a hobby and it’s done for fun - there’s so many other things you can stress about in life so why let roleplaying be one of those things??  focus on yourself and focus on your muse and developing that muse with other people and people will want to come to you to write with them.  preferences will always be a thing - it’s only natural but focus on having fun with your muse as opposed to worrying about other people!!

10. any fandom(s) you don’t want to rp in or crossover to?

11. are you for or not for purple prosing?

12. has someone in the rp community ever made you upset/cry?

i don’t think..... so??  upset maybe but not to the point of crying??  i mean again i’ve never really had a truly terrible experience but i did have an ex-writing partner who used to constantly guilt trip me until i finally broke it off with them because it was starting to affect my real life relationships and whatnot and i didn’t want to bear that burden anymore as much as i wanted to be their friend but i couldn’t singlehandedly bear all of their problems for them anymore because it wasn’t healthy for me nor was it good for them so i cut them out of my life for both of our sakes - i’ve had great times with this person but ultimately, i’m glad i did what i did and i’m proud of myself for being able to focus on my own emotional needs

13. ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

i ... can’t remember laughs I DON’T THINK SO???  people have told me not to write w/ certain people before when i go into new communities blind but for the most part i don’t think i’ve really had an overly terrible experience to the point that i felt i had to tell other people not to roleplay with / follow them ... i’ve been very blessed with a good experience so far!!

14. ever knew someone that everyone loves but you can’t stand?

i would say ‘can’t stand’ is kind of harsh but i dislike them because of a petty reason???  it’s fine tho bc they stay in their lane and i stay in mine - it’s all good imo.  i for the most part have enough decency not to hate on other people’s ships but this person kept telling me about how much they dislike my ships to my face on a consistent basis which again PETTY and i know they weren’t in a good place at the time but shrugging emoji idk i just thought it was kind of rude ??

15. have you ever done something out of spite?

i do everything out of spite im jk but seriously if you tell me i can’t do smth i will only do said thing with 100% more effort out of sheer spite like THERE WAS SOMEBODY who told me i couldn’t ship a certain ship so i proceeded to flood my dash with 300% more ship content you’re welcome headass spite is a Great Motivator

me: i’m a chill person and im going to be the happiest person ever :)also me: u test me bitch and im coming for ur entire life

16. what would you say to the one who hurt you in the past?

i hope you are incandescently happier than you were before.  i hope you are in a better place and i hope you are still writing with people who appreciate you and can give you the attention you deserve.  i hope you are a better person today and i wish you nothing but the best in a life without me, but i do not miss you nor do i ever want you back in my life.  i cherish the good times we had together, but we are better off without each other regardless of what you might still think and i hope you don’t.  i hope you recognize what you did and i hope you are a wonderful person today.

17. what are your opinions when someone makes negative posts constantly on their rp blog?

if you make more negative posts than roleplay content i’m gonna unfollow you??  i understand you’re having a hard time with your life but honestly i followed you to write with you - it’s not that your well-being doesn’t matter to me but i write to have fun + destress and ultimately, roleplaying is about myself??  im not doing this for other people - im doing this for me.  i don’t mind occasional negative posts ( ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE TAGGED !! ) but if you’re consistently complaining about how much you think you suck compared to everyone else or how you think nobody wants you around, then i’m going to unfollow you because i came to write with you because i thought you were COOL!!  i know people just want to vent ( LORD KNOWS I VENT A LOT even if it’s about little stuff ) but consider making a twitter / a personal tumblr in which you can do so instead of your roleplay blog which is for roleplaying ???  idk that’s just my opinion but i try to keep my roleplaying blog strictly related to the content - i don’t even want to flood my blog with too many ooc asks bc u guys didn’t follow me to read my constant ooc posts ( even if i feel like i write a lot LMAO ) - u guys followed to write w me !!!!

18. do you hold grudges for long?

i say no but at the same time i’ve been really bitter towards an ex-best friend for three years now.  NONE OF THESE GRUDGES ARE ROLEPLAY-RELATED but again my way of vengeance is to be way happier and more successful than her and never ever see her again because that’s the decision she made??  we used to be Super Close but then she got a boyfriend and her entire life revolved around her boyfriend and we never spent any more time together after that like ??? it’s clear who she chose over me so if she doesn’t want to make the effort to spend time with me then i see no effort to give her any thought.  also the fact that she, as a white individual, complained to my other best friend behind my back that i’m apparently too “sensitive” about popular media.  like really?  wow, must be nice to have all the representation you could possibly ever ask for, karen.  get the fuck out of here with that attitude /:  

also SUPER PERSONAL but i’m salty about my kind-of-ex because he basically acted like he was really invested in me when he was still hung up on somebody else and i let myself be emotionally vulnerable around him until he confessed to me that he just wanted to be friends because he was still into his ex and then proceeded to neglect our friendship because he’d spend all of his time with his ex ( who he predictably got back together with + who turned out to be a really shitty selfish manipulative person who he broke up with anyway ) which was Fine i was already used to that anyway with SEE: ABOVE FRIEND but then after he broke up with her he’s tried to come back into my life on various occasion because he’s never had as Great of a Friend as me and frankly i can’t forgive him or myself for making myself invest any sense of emotion into him it makes me so angry to think i was actually upset because i actually cared a lot about him and he made me feel like i wasn’t good enough and how fucking dare he make me feel like that ever?  i’m the Fucking Best and he deserves absolutely nothing from me he deserves perfect indifference and i hope he never ever feels fulfilled in his life i wish him a great and terrible lack of satisfaction for the rest of his miserable life xoxo i’m going to be SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN THAT ASSHOLE i’m years and years better off without him i hope he pines for my friendship for the rest of his life

19. wild card: ask the mun any type of salty asks.

20. if you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

i feel like question 18 let me do that so i’m good but also ??? fuck the gangsta. novel ??? for its HORRIBLE characterization of worick + nic’s relationship ???  the gangsta. novel treats their relationship as if nic is some dog/servant to worick which in itself is gross in concept because haha yay a poc character forcibly being subservient to a white character THAT’S COOL :)))))))) but also ??????? uh AUTHOR ARE WE READING THE SAME MANGA ?????

worick has never treated nic as a dog / servant even when they were children - worick even taught him how to read / write ??? worick and nic were e/o’s first and only friends for a long while ??? they’ve lived together for so many years - they canonly share shirts, they’re business partners, worick was genuinely hurt to see nic in so much pain.  not only does worick NOT see nic as a dog / servant HE LOVES NIC ???  HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THEIR RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME they’ve been through so much together and worick since he was 14 has literally supported the both of them via Really Horrible Means that i won’t get into - i’ll leave it up to your imagination but he split the profit he made from what he did with nic ???  there’s no way worick would’ve done that shit if he viewed nic as somebody beneath him esp. when survival was so difficult for two 14-year-old boys with no funds or resources they’ve survived together through thick and thin and there’s a special relationship they have and i love worick and nic okay I LOVE THEM SO MUCH EVEN IF THEY MAKE SHITTY DECISIONS AND WHATNOT nobody will ever convince me otherwise 

also if you’ve made it to the end i commend you and thank you for reading my salty opinions / personal problems / issues :* i hope you all have a wonderful day :**