#and the thing Richard says about him only seeing their best qualities

[chodoyodes]

Can’t believe how blinded I was by fujoshisim when I first read this book (Richard/Francis shipper…) and now my matured mind obsessed with underlying rot and fucked up dynamics is in full bloom and I’m LOVING it

[bianca-mii]

One of the most iconic kisses between our guitarists from the 2022 tour. I can't write as beautifully as @woodswallow, but I made this gifset as I thought there is a very interesting thing to point out.

The Auslaender outro started almost as usual, with Richard feeling the music probably somewhat more.

But this moment shows one massive difference from arguably every other Auslaender's kiss: Richard is not smiling. He's not focused on seducing Paul with that evil grin. There's no tension, no predatory stare. He is... sad? He looks Paul in the eye, and while Paul is in that playful-teasing-I'm-not-that-easy-to-get mode of his, in which he rather avoids eye contact with Richard, he must realize something is off with the lead guitarist...

But they both go for the kiss. In the beginning, I thought maybe Richard was sad, at least partially, because during some of the 2022 shows Paul seemingly didn't feel like having that little smooch. From what I've read, Paul is very uncomfortable with PDA and, in general, tries to keep his private life as far from the public eye as possible. 2019 kisses were fun and outrageous, which Paul loves, and also had a political impact. But by the half of the 2022 tour, it was obvious nobody cared about any political impact anymore and the guitarists kissed just because they like it. Richard doesn't care if people are watching, he may even like it better that way, so perhaps he couldn't entirely understand Paul's hesitation. Also, on the previous show, still in Europe, their kiss was very quick, too quick for Richard's liking:

He made that gesture with his mouth as if he wanted to say: "Ahh, it ended before I could even taste it!" On which Paul said something, maybe like: "I've told you already: quick pecks - for the audience, the actual kisses - only you and me, no witnesses..." And Richard was like: "Oh, okay, but a boy can dream, can't he?"

Going back to Chicago's kiss: so it's not the case that Richard is sad because he thinks Paul wants no public kisses: they go for it as usual. I also don't think he's sad because he'd prefer the kiss to be longer - that doesn't sound like an actual reason to feel sad. It has to be something else.

Whatever it is, Richard tries to pull away first as he probably thinks the kiss will be over by that time anyway. Indeed, it's usually been (if not any other time) Paul who pulls away first; I also think Richard's hand on the back of Paul's neck used to be there for that extra control, to keep him in place just a little bit longer, but it wasn't hugely sufficient. This time though, again, Richard thinks the kiss will be over just after a moment. But what happens next? Especially from this angle, it seems very clear: Paul doesn't let go. And his reaction is really intense: he keeps his lips locked with Richard's, his right hand, put on Richard's shoulder, grabs it more firmly; you can see all his body leaning on his partner; if you look at his butt, it slightly goes up as he maybe even gets on tiptoe.

I remember reading suggestions Richard was that surprised because maybe Paul slipped him some tongue. I'd love to think that, but what I believe really happened was that Paul sucked hard on Richard's lip to keep their mouths together as Richard tried to pull away.

This is not the best quality, but it sort of confirms that theory: you can briefly see Richard's mouth, and then how it literally gets sucked:)

Paul pulls away when it's over but also slightly pushes Richard: "now, that should do!", but Richard, despite experiencing a massive WTF?! moment, remains sober enough to put some pressure on Paul's nape, doesn't let him go, and pulls him back close again, for a hug. He also starts to laugh so heartily that it makes my heart melt. Perhaps he's realized what face he's just made and laughs, just a little bit, at himself too. Paul, on the other hand, briefly returns the hug, but then is all like: "there, there, don't overdo it, babe." He gives Richard a few pats on the back, like the male friends with no benefits would do - he is back into his no PDA mode, and puts his right hand back on Richard's shoulder, this time trying to push him away.

But now Richard does not have it: "nah love, not so fast, you should have expected now I need to thank you for what you've just done... *mwah*". Another kiss on the lips, brief one this time, and finally Paul can go, obviously showing to everybody: "look! Just look at this little naughty thing right there!", Richard is doing something similar for a moment, too (what a complete pair of dorks:D).

So, I imagine Richard was so surprised because Paul not only didn't want to end the kiss quickly but literally forced it to be longer. I love this moment so much for two reasons: it totally makes sense Paul is uncomfortable with PDA, but as soon as Richard feels worse, or Paul gets sentimental himself (like by the end of tours), Paul stops thinking about any discomfort and goes for it with no hesitation, which pretty much says that comforting Richard is simply much more important for him. I think we saw it here, we saw it during Puppe 2023 or this tour after the German football team lost.

What I also more than love, is how Paul's little mouth-to-mouth treatment really brings Richard back to life and turns the night into the day for him (no wonder, who wouldn't be more than alive if they just got a kiss from Landers himself?). Richard is over the moon here, and seeing him undergo such a 180-degree mood switch is an almost otherwordly experience...

Here's the whole video cropped by me, original credit to till_lindemann_pics on ig. One of the other gifs by @davecumstaine, the other one - I can't tell, I downloaded it a long time ago and can't find it here anymore, many apologies;(

[rollercoasterwords]

oookay. finished the secret history let’s go

so the book itself was split into two separate books, book I and book II. for clarity’s sake, im gonna further split it into 4 parts, part 1, 2, 3 and 4. 

so first quick summary 4 bg information (no spoilers, as promised!!)

so basically a group of sexually repressed 20-something gays push the first homophobe they see off a cliff

OR

we’re told of Bunny’s murder in the first 2 pages, separating the book from other crime novels in that most of it was less a whodunnit and more of a whydunnit. in part 1, we’re introduced to richard papen, the narrator, who applied to a college, Hampden, miles away from his home state bc the colours on the brochure were pretty. he falls in with a group of students who are studying ancient greek; henry, bunny, francis, and camilla and charles (twins). So for a while, things look awesome. richard’s at a good college, with a large and tight-knit group of friends. What could go wrong?

this part transitions into two after richard and bunny find out about something terrible the rest of the group did in the past.

in part 2, bunny starts to become hostile to his friends after learning of it, while richard is able to wrap his head around it quite quickly. It escalates to the point where bunny becomes a potential threat, in that he might spill the beans to someone else. here, henry begins to plan bunny’s murder, and the rest of group just sort of goes along with it. parts 1 and 2 were pleasant, and paced really quickly. i was hooked the entire time. part 3 gets a bit dull, but it picks up again after Bunny’s funeral and hits the ground running.

book one ends right before bunny dies, and book two starts right after.

part 3 opens into a police investigation for bunny, who is believed to be missing until they find his body. in this part, tensions within the group begin to escalate. most of p. 3 is spent at bunny’s family’s house, who have invited many people bunny knew to stay with them during the funeral proceedings.

part 4, i believe begins after bunny’s body is found. here everyone’s like REALLY on edge. I will say most of it was just richard and francis running around frantically together while charles slowly goes insane with paranoia that henry’s trying to kill him as well. yk what, some of charles’ dialogue in this part is unsettlingly reminiscent of a panicked letter written by bunny that was found only after his death. In the book, there was only one passage of it shown, but that was enough. reading it, one could practically hear the panic, the desperation in bunny’s voice, one later mirrored in charles. vv psychologically thrillery. Im having hannibal flashbacks actually

and ohhh my god the ending. It was the climax to end all climaxes rae. ill never get over it. It was bittersweet ig, like all the best endings are. 

one thing i noticed is that throughout the book, there are these like future reflections littered through. like ‘thinking back on it now, i wish i had. . .’  or ‘funny, that was the last time i ever saw him’, which have the story a sort of They Both Die at the End quality. yk, like a tragedy waiting to happen. I think i remember you doing something like that once, rae, in atydsp. I believe it was right in one of the summer 1977 chapters but i could be wrong. I think something like that really makes a story gut-wrenching, especially with the whole looming impermanence that the reader is all too aware of. the very last lines in the epilogue read, ‘I suppose at one time in my life I might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. This is the only story I will ever be able to tell.’ see? whenever one of these bad boys is thrown in there, the scene changes from just a regular scene to something golden and significant. I think i once saw a post that read, ‘in movies time travellers are always scared of drastically changing their future by doing something small, but no one in the present ever things they can drastically change their future by doing something small’. thats what that reminds me of.

in the epilogue, richard refers to himself as a bystander, and he’s not wrong. he’s the narrator, of course, but in the end, the story’s not really about him. it’s about henry and bunny. I kind of get now, those lines at the end of the epilogue. Bunny’s death, and the events that subsequently followed, are so much more important than richard himself will ever be. 

TSH is famous for that one line henry has, when charles asks him how he could possibly justify cold blooded murder, and henry says, ‘I prefer to think of it … as a redistribution of matter.’ but the line that got to me the most personally was an unassuming one, camilla in the epilogue about her twin brother charles: ‘actually, charles and i dont really talk anymore. It’s broken my Nana’s heart.’ not that she and charles should ever be in the same room together ever (very fucked up things happened), but it’s just the impermanence of relationships. how two people who may be at one point inseparable just drift apart. it’s not any one big fight or falling out that snaps the thread of their connection, but that thread just wearing out and growing thinner and thinner until eventually nothing is left anymore. thats what gets to me.

andd also one thing that kept happening was that i’d accidentally (or on purpose) flip a few pages ahead and reading something really fucking deranged or unexpected and just be like ‘huh???? what??? how?????’ and i’d go back and read up to that point until it made sense. i’d love love LOVE to give examples but i’m not allowed spoilers :(( the book is just the right amount of deranged though it rlly tickles ur brain in just the right spots without being overly ick

I think someone said that it was a francis/richard/charles/camilla/henry love pentagon but its most like a love diamond. grab a pen and paper folks, it gets complicated. imagine charles at the top, francis on the left, richard at the bottom, and camilla on the right, with a line extending from camilla to henry. there thats tsh.

all in all 8/10!! if it’s on your reading list like you said it was, definitely move it to the top.

one day i WILL read tsh i promise!! unfortunately it cannot go to the top atm bc im working thru the books i already own 😔 love this review tho i honestly didn’t really know what the book was about & this actually sounds really good…

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well that Champion of Champions episode was great. Ridiculously funny from start to finish, and all the tasks were top quality (maybe apart from the studio task, but even that wasn’t bad). I thought every contestant had at least a few really memorable moments.

I love the way the COC episodes get to be celebrations of Taskmaster as a whole. They can’t really do that in the regular episodes, because they’re playing to a studio audience that hasn’t seen the previous episodes from that season, so they try not to call back to too much stuff they haven’t seen. And they’re trying to appeal to casual TV viewers who might not have seen previous seasons, so there aren’t too many references to that either. But I guess they figure that anyone watching Champion of Champions has seen the preceding stuff, and they make it full of references.

I loved bringing back the bandstand from the early seasons, and this was the perfect time for it. I wouldn’t want them to do that in any of the regular episodes, for the same reason why I think Alex is right to say they won’t reuse old tasks – too easy to slip down the road to capitalizing on nostalgia and stop being original. Seeing the new, increasingly elaborate task location is a fun part of all the new seasons, I wouldn’t want to give that up. But bringing back the site of some of the greatest, establishing early Taskmaster moments for a one-off special was perfect.

And then they got in lots of ways to bring back old seasons. Kiell referencing the banana task. Dara’s outfit being a tribute to all of season 14. Ramsey’s name coming up on Sophie Duker’s signs. The comment about proposing to Alex Horne like in season 12. And obviously the constant mentions of Mae Martin. I like how they did that. That they didn’t try to be slick TV and pretend that everything had gone exactly according to plan and this is how the lineup was meant to be; roasting Kiell for an entire episode was much more fun than that.

I think I also agree with what Ed Gamble said on the podcast, that this may be the first time there’s been a Champion of Champions that makes total sense. Let’s be honest, Josh Widdicombe was quite good at Taskmaster but not the best player out of all 25 from the first five seasons (I think that might have been Noel Fielding, but then he chose to mess around and stop being competitive in COC1). And I also agree with Ed Gamble’s assessment that Richard Herring was competent in only one episode of Taskmaster, and it was COC2. That’s what happens when you only have one episode instead of taking the winner from an aggregate. And when you add a Golden Snitch studio task to it. But Dara O’Brien might be the most competent person to play in seasons 11-15, so that’s nice to see him as a Champion of Champions.

So there was a lot to enjoy about the episode for its place in the larger Taskmaster lore, but it was also just enormous fun as a one-off. That’s the other thing that’s fun about the COC episodes – it is cool to see an episode where everyone’s actually trying and no one’s particularly bad at it and everyone brings something interesting to the table.

Alex immediately going way too hard and way too personal when Sophie asked him to insult her. Sarah Kendall clapping for like half the episode and not realizing she was wearing a watch. Dara completing an entire task without even standing up by popping elastics off his head. Morgana remembering that season 12 task where she popped all those ice cubes in her offer and roundly outdoing herself with paint. Dragging the Greg statue across the ground. Sarah Kendall just being furious for the entire episode. Kiell not even bothering to try to find Alex. Kiell getting roasted all episode for the embarrassing flaw of not being Mae Martin. Sophie calling out Greg. Dara's wig montage. Sarah Kendall being absolutely furious. Did I mention that enough? God, I’d missed Sarah Kendall being furious.

Do Something Stupid was a brilliant task concept. I’m glad that stealing things from other versions is a loophole in Alex’s stance against reusing tasks, and I’m glad they found a way to make it broadcastable (though of course we all salute Guy and Urzilla for the lost task that the NZ producers are too cowardly to show us).

Hats off to the new champion. Hats, and wigs off to the new champion.

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

What is your interpretation of Viserys's character? It's amazing how grrm made the man who literally single handedly destroyed his family's legacy and started the bloodiest civil war in Westros a "joyful generous king who wants everyone to get along" it's like grrm wanted the fault of the dance to be on Alicent and Aegon not Vissy for some reason

Thanks anon! This is an excellent question.

So I actually don't think that GRRM meant for Alicent or Aegon to take the full blame for the Dance. If you read F&B and World of Ice and Fire, remembering that those books are not written in GRRM's authorial voice, but by in-world maesters who are compiling histories, you'll see that the authors of those books are not very complimentary about Viserys. However, they are diplomatic about it. He was a king who ruled for several decades, and he was not hated by the people at the time of his death. The scholarship of maesters like Gyldayn and Yandel is also pretty surface level. Still, Yandel all but blames Viserys for the Dance, saying that Viserys "had ruled for six-and-twenty years, reigning over the most prosperous era in the history of the Seven Kingdoms but seeding within it the disastrous decline of his house and the death of the last dragons." He might be called amiable and generous, but weighing against that, he's also called weak-willed, easily influenced, and anxious to please. Those are not really complimentary qualities when discussing kingship. The books stop short of calling Viserys a bad king on the level of Aegon IV or Aerys II, but they're not particularly complimentary towards him either.

And here's the thing. Ensuring a clean succession is one of a king's most important jobs. A smooth transition of power is essential for the stability of the realm, and a disputed succession was to be avoided at all costs. Throughout real life history, you will see examples of kings going out of their way to ensure that there is one clear heir who will inherit upon their death. It is the king's responsibility to ensure that the succession is clear, that the heir is prepared to rule, and that the heir has sufficient support to rule. There is a reason why, although the often repeated "the king's word is law" phrase might have some base truth to it, most kings followed established lines of succession and did not just choose their favorite child, or even the child they believed best suited to rule. Enduring the occasional less than ideal king was the price paid for a peaceful transition of power, and for ensuring that the method by which power was peacefully transferred from one monarch to the next, remained stable.

So in real life feudal monarchies, when succession crises happened, it was usually because of some unexpected event. The Anarchy that the Dance is based on happened because King Henry I lost his only son, William Adelin, in a shipwreck. The boy was already seventeen at the time, and when he died, Henry tried to have more sons with his second wife, but was unsuccessful. His only other legitimate child was a daughter, Matilda, who eventually became his heir following the rules of male preference primogeniture, although his nephews were in consideration at one point. Likewise, Edward the Black Prince, heir to Edward III, died before his father did. Unlike William Adelin, however, Edward the Black Prince had a son, Richard II, who became Edward III's heir. When Richard II became king he was still a child, and had to contend with very powerful adult uncles who became powerful as his regents, and their sons, who did not want to give up power when Richard II came of age. This situation eventually led to the War of the Roses. There are also succession crises in which a king who dies childless is also the last of his direct line, such as Henry III of France, the last Valois king. In this situation the next claimant might come through a female line or a more senior male line, but it's rarely clear cut. But these are generally unusual or unexpected situations rather than the result of a king's willful refusal to do his duty and ensure a clean succession.

Viserys had options for avoiding the Dance, the easiest and most obvious being simply making his eldest son his heir upon his birth. He had every indication that his insistence on keeping Rhaenyra as heir would lead to a succession crisis after his death, and yet he did nothing to avert it. He had no intention of codifying new succession laws to allow daughters to inherit over sons, instead he imagined succession as a free for all, king's choice, which is bound to lead to conflict and is a terrible idea in a kingdom ruled by dragonriders. Viserys inherited a prosperous and stable kingdom and arguably the most important job he had was to keep it stable, and yet he created a succession crisis out of nothing, for no good reason. Neither Rhaenyra nor Aegon turned out to be particularly good rulers in their short reigns, but only one of them could have taken the throne as uncontested heir, and that is Aegon. Had Aegon been named heir from the start, there would have been no one to contest him (Rhaenyra's claim lies solely on being her father's chosen heir, if she's isn't, she has no claim), and no war.

What would compel Viserys to completely trash his own succession? I think in the books, it is left up to interpretation. Was Viserys stupid, willfully ignorant, or a malicious narcissist? Certainly, although he was supposedly a people pleaser, no one in his family was very pleased by his decisions, and it's hard to imagine the Red Keep a happy household when Viserys deliberately drove a wedge between his children and created a situation that everyone knew would one day lead to war. I'm going to tag @aifsaath because she has some good Viserys thoughts regarding the possibility that Viserys wasn't just a bumbling idiot, but actively malicious.

[inolienkiki]

cataloguing all my new books because I love doing this

my friend was in town last week, and having somebody visit reminded me that I can just. go places and do things whenever I want

so I went to three different bookstores, and I also ordered some online "just in case"

so. new this week:

Lumberjanes 1 & 2 (ND Stevenson & friends)- I read the first one earlier this year and liked it, but was a little confused? so I got the sequel to help me out with that!

Wheel of Time 4, 5, & 6 (Robert Jordan)- I'm already this far in. What more do I have to lose?

Echo (Pam Muñoz Ryan)- A fond memory! I was asked to review an advance copy of this book when it came out in 2015. At the time I was making fast friends with the local librarian, and she ended up asking me to review a lot of books after this, including The Box and the Dragonfly, my favorite book ever! I remember liking Echo a lot, and then it got the Newbery medal so I was probably right.

Hollow Dolls (MarcyKate Connolly)- I was looking for Monstrous, another book I reviewed around that time, but found out the author is still writing... about body snatchers apparently? How could I say no?

Edgedancer, Dawnshard, & Mistborn Secret History (Brandon Sanderson)- Found some nice hardcover editions of these three Sanderson novellas I love. I know Lift's not a popular character but she's one of my favorites <3

Power of Three, Omen of the Stars, & A Vision of Shadows (Erin Hunter)- Finally got myself Warrior Cats arcs 3, 4, and 5! I've never actually read AVoS so I'm very excited about that.

Onestar's Confession (Erin Hunter)- I don't actually like Onestar and I've heard this book isn't very good, but it's the only Super Edition any of the bookstores had...

Secrets of the Clans, Code of the Clans, & both Ultimate Guides (Erin Hunter)- The first two of these are a lot nicer than I expected! The full-color illustrations and fold-out maps are very welcome, and almost make up for Featherwhisker not being in the second Ultimate Guide >:(

A Thief in ThunderClan & The Rise of Scourge (Erin Hunter)- Rise of Scourge isn't my favorite but it's waaaay prettier in color. I've been excited about its release.

The Disappearing Spoon & The Icepick Surgeon (Sam Kean)- I love both these books! But I didn't own them for some reason... so I finally got them in paperback to match my other Sam Kean books.

Chasing Vermeer & Hold Fast (Blue Balliett)- The Wright 3, also by Blue Balliett, is one of the most well-thumbed books in my library! I finally got myself a copy of Chasing Vermeer, plus Hold Fast, which I've actually never read.

Gregor the Overlander (Suzanne Collins)- I don't actually remember why I put this on my reading list, but I'm really excited to try it out!

Nevermoor: The Trials of Morrigan Crow (Jessica Townsend)- One of you on my dash is really excited about this book, and I'm ready to get into it too.

The Constant Rabbit (Jasper Fforde)- I'm going to read Thursday Next eventually and I think it's going to thoroughly absorb me, so I figured I'd try some of his other books first! This one is about anti-rabbit bigotry, apparently.

Babel: An Arcane History (R.F. Kuang)- I'd been casually waiting for this to come out in paperback so I could try it without committing too much. We'll see how I feel about it!

The Thursday Murder Club (Richard Osman)- I love mystery series, especially big or ongoing ones, so I figured I should give this a try! Weirdly enough, I know Richard Osman from having been on Taskmaster, despite him being pretty thoroughly independently famous.

Legends & Lattes (Travis Baldree)- The premise intrigued me. I normally go for epic fantasy, so I'm not sure if I'll find this fun... depends on the quality of the storytelling and the presence of a romantic subplot (or, preferably, the lack thereof.)

The Hexologists (Josiah Bancroft)- My best friend told me about this, and it looked so ridiculous I just had to try it (/pos).

Raybearer (Jordan Ifueko)- I know almost nothing about this! But it was another friend's first recommendation, and if her taste is anything to judge by, I'm going to love it.

Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir)- Also new and exciting for me. I say I like to read fantasy, but I feel a little bad that most of that rests on Brandon Sanderson. So I'm trying some new fantasy authors!

Because Internet (Gretchen McCulloch)- I used to listen to her linguistics podcast a lot- "Lingthusiasm"- so for a long time I thought her last name was spelt McCullough. I'm sure she'd find that interesting.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (V.E. Schwab)- I know V.E. Schwab has written a lot of cool-looking fantasy books, so I'm trying out a standalone from her to see whether I'd like to read more. Should be intriguing!

Watership Down (Richard Adams & friends)- This is actually a graphic novel adaptation of the original classic, which is a book I absolutely love. I got this for my grandma for Christmas, and I just couldn't resist getting my own copy!

This Is How You Lose the Time War (Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone)- I do love time travel, and anything that scratches the DARK itch will be well welcome.

In the Lives of Puppets (TJ Klune)- After reading The House on the Cerulean Sea and Under the Whispering Door, I'm sure this will be lovely. I'd been eagerly awaiting its paperback release for quite a bit!

Yeah, I don't know why I did this. I love both reading and collecting books, and sharing them with people is quite the treat <3

I hope my 3 followers and cheezbot enjoy this!

[captainninej]

why capitalism is the difference between the lotr and hobbit trilogies

hi i am once again back on my what happened to the hobbit movies bullshit. everyone loves to make fun of the hobbit movies and how CGI filled they are, how rushed they are, even how unnecessary they are. but i seriously urge everyone to watch some of the behind the scenes and see how exhausted peter jackson and the crew are, because of the intense, unreasonable capitalistic decisions made by studio heads. the hobbit movies went through so much jumbled bullshit, had peter jackson working 20 hours a day 7 days a week - of course the end product was going to be borderline shit!!

don't get me wrong, i'm from new zealand, i have so much respect for peter jackson for making my favourite trilogy of all time (lotr), and the hobbit movies hold a special place in my heart since they came out when i was 10 and i didn't understand all the shit that went down. but the difference in quality and love between the trilogies, i think, can easily be boiled down to one thing: capitalism. the hollywood landscape changed DRASTICALLY between the makings of these trilogies. for lotr, while many things about it were monumental, one of the most was the time that was given to peter and co to create the films from top to bottom. before filming even started, they spent LITERAL YEARS in pre-production!! not to mention FOUR HUNDRED DAYS of filming!! (helms deep alone took four months!!) they were allowed the freedom to experiment, to truly create art; while it was still to make a profit at the end of the day, they weren't being throttled by the studio the way that directors/movie crews are now - just see the MCU.

the studio wanted billions again, so they brought peter jackson back and expected him to make the same trilogy again (due to the franchise craze that hollywood found itself obsessing over in the early 2010s and is still in the throes of) without realising that the reason lord of the rings holds up is because of the time that was given to the team to craft beautiful sets, costumes, ideas and scripts, the time they were given to not only excel at doing all this, but to love and enjoy it. you can feel the love in every frame of lord of the rings. you can't for the hobbit. and while people love to blame the CGI (which is very very true), i think a lot of people should take the hobbit and its downfall from the quality of lord of the rings as a warning tale of how capitalism destroys art by pressuring artists for capital so much that all the life and joy is sucked out of what they create. peter jackson was DRAGGED through the mud in the new zealand press and beyond for supposedly 'losing his touch' (which is NOT true - just look at what he did with they shall not grow old and get back) but everyone missed the fact that this man was broken by the decisions of the studio heads above him and did the best he could with the conditions he was given.

we can see this easily with the MCU now, and how hollywood is in a bit of a slump, but i think the signs were there with the hobbit too. and i still think it's so tragic because peter jackson and his crew and everyone who worked on the hobbit are so genuinely talented, and the hobbit movies were cast PERFECTLY. martin freeman as bilbo??? richard armitage as thorin??? lee pace as thranduil??? luke evans as bard the bowman??? THEY CARRIED THIS TRILOGY, just to mention a few!! and it just shows that even if you have millions of dollars, even if you have the most talented cast and crew and directors and writers in the world, you can't make good art unless you love what you do, and are given time to love what you do. you can have everything, but if you don't have time, it won't work. which hollywood just. doesn't understand anymore. and the tanking in quality of movies recently shows this, the obsession to turn everything into its own universe with spin offs and sequels and prequels. it doesn't work. people are moved by art when the art has something to say other than 'i am completely soulless and void of any meaning and i only exist so the studio makes money.'

of course there are other reasons why the hobbit and lotr trilogies would never be the same anyway. the scales of both stories are completely different. one is three books and the other is one. one carries more serious themes of war and authoritarianism and one started as a bedtime story about a dragon for tolkien's son. but the hobbit still could have been adapted beautifully, in a way that aged well, if it only gave its creators time.

i've always been a firm believer that art can never fully translate to capitalism. we're living through it right now, with the slump of hollywood, music made for tiktok virality. because true art, art that speaks to people - movies, music, visual art, writing - can only be made with time, and love.

and neither exist in capitalism.

[laf-outloud]

Speight’s serviceable and unremarkable directing does work for TV since you don’t want the audience to notice the switching over of directors every few episodes. The only time he ever makes a mess of things is when he attempts to make a mark, ie 15x18. Though that episode was doomed from the start and questionable directing was only the cherry on the cake.

His directing style (or lack thereof) works well for most Walker episodes since the show is more low key. He wouldn’t be able to direct an episode of WIndy for example, Larry Teng set a very high standard that subsequent directors have all managed to meet. And if the choice for directors was between him or Jensen, I would pick him. More experienced, doesn’t take a short sighted approach, and doesn’t insert himself in the way Jensen did. Am I happy he’s coming back to direct Walker? No. I understand that for him everything to do with the prequel is just a paycheck and nothing personal, but it still rubs me the wrong way. Plus, there are way more talented directors out there who can do the job and would appreciate the opportunity more.

All that being said, I think it’s hilarious that he’s been the best director TW has had so far. How are things over there that bad that Speight comes across as a shining star? The promos alone for 1x7 and 1x8 were higher quality than anything I’ve seen from TW so far, though of course halfway decent directing doesn’t make up for the bad…everything else lol.

I suppose that can be the case, particularly for procedural television, but even still, we can recognize the higher quality in a Walker episode directed by Austin Nichols. There's nothing in Rich's episodes that sell him to other producers. If he wanted to expand his resume, he's needs to start putting his own stamp on things.

Don't even think about Richard directing WIndy. He needs to stay far away! You're absolutely right he couldn't hold up to Larry's style (see previous anon post - lol!)

I haven't even seen the promos for TW, but you say they look better than anything so far? Well, the bar is set extremely low. I hope he remembered to use the special yellow filter so people can remember it's set in the 70's. LOL!

[hotmonkeelove]

Revisiting an Old Survey

While looking through some of my old stuff, I noticed the "100 Excellent Questions" I answered. I thought I'd do an updated version to see how much my views may or may not have changed in the past eight years...

100 Excellent Questions

Because I miss the old days of doing these on LJ. Bold and italicised means no change, strike-through is changed, just italicised means a further disclosure, just bold is the new answer.

1. If there were one word which was automatically to your name in Google searches, which word would you want it to be?

Huh?

2. What is a goal that you recently met?

I dressed up as Torgo.

I ordered a wig for my Anko cosplay.

3. What is your favorite time of day?

Night.

4. Name a celebrity you find attractive.

Other than Micky Dolenz? Richard Burton.

Seeing as I've fancied Burton since I was 7, this has not changed.

5. What is one of the best pieces of advice you have ever received?

Stop being sad and start getting mad.

My aunt said this to me as I was cutting ties with my abusive father. I was angry, but I was also in the midst of a nervous breakdown and eating disorder. My dad also had eating disorders, in addition to his chronic criticism of women any bit overweight. He did that to my mother throughout their marriage and had started in on me during puberty.

6. What is the ultimate gesture of total trust?

Bondage.

7. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

That I'm a brilliant writer.

8. What is something you have changed your mind about?

Putting up with someone hurting me just because I love them.

9. What is something you’ve never changed your mind about?

Koalas are cute.

10. Rewrite the end of a fairy tale.

Snow White rejects the Prince and stays with the dwarves.

I suspect there's a video of that already...

11. Choose one: you will never misunderstand the meaning of what someone else is saying OR nobody will ever misunderstand what you say.

The latter.

12. If offered irreversible immortality, would you take it?

No.

13. In your opinion, what are the most important qualities of a good friend?

Honesty, intelligence, common interests, empathy.

14. If you could be a founding member of a space colony, with the caveat that you would never be able to return to Earth, would you go?

No.

15. What is your favorite superpower? Why?

Teleportation, because I can't drive.

16. If you were a book, which book would you be?

The Bell Jar.

17. If you found out that your life was a book, and you met your author, what would you say to them?

What the fuck?!

18. How would you prefer to die?

Snakebite. Like Cleopatra did.

19. What is your favorite paradox?

I don't have one.

20. Tell us five facts about your first love, or, if you haven’t had one yet, invent the story of meeting your first love.

He had long, black hair, a big nose, bedroom eyes, he was a Libra, and he treated me like shit. What an asshole! But god, he was gorgeous! (We weren't a couple. I just stopped hiding my feelings after the person I confided in blabbed to him. This was in 7th grade, mind you.)

The only guy my age I crushed on. Though I did have a very serious boyfriend (the only man who really wanted to marry me) who was a year younger than me, back when I was 30. He was also gorgeous! Kind of like Noah Taylor, only Peter Lorre's height. He was even more messed up than me and was off/on with my girlfriend, so I had to let go. And I know I can't just be friends with him. We had twice gone years without speaking, and each time he came back, so did my feelings. He's still the greatest male love of my life. Him being in Australia and me being here didn't help matters, either. God, I miss him. Hopefully, things are better for him now.

21. If you could live anywhere for a year, where would you live?

Wales.

22. If you could visit anywhere for a week, where would you go?

Barcelona. Enough time to see all of Antoni Gaudí's architectural masterpieces! The most beautiful buildings in the world!

23. You can only read one genre of books for the rest of your life. Which genre do you read?

History.

Or mythology. Or art. Luckily, this is only a silly hypothetical.

24. Define “love.”

Needing something or someone in order to be complete as a person.

And the need to fulfill this in another.

25. Define “justice.”

Ma'at.

26. Define “truth.”

What is, rather than what should be.

27. Define “art.”

Magick in a physical form.

28. Define “good.”

Severus Snape.

29. Define “obscene.”

James Franco. GOD, I HATE HIM!

I don't see him in things as much now, and I like it that way. That smug look on his face drives me up the wall.

30. What one thing in the world would be hardest for you to give up?

Diet Coke.

31. What is one thing you regret?

Nothing.

Everything I've done was a learning experience.

32. What is something that you have done that you are proud of?

Left my moronic ex.

Not my Aussie boyfriend. This was the controlling, emotionally abusive jerk whose trophy girlfriend I was, till my girlfriend came along and helped me to finally walk away. I don't regret the years with him, though. It was my only escape from an impoverished, dysfunctional family, and it allowed me to save up the money that I needed to start my new life here.

33. Is it easier to talk or to listen?

Listen.

34. When are you vulnerable?

Always.

35. If you met God, what would you say to God?

Nice to meet you, Tim Curry.

I met him, but sadly there wasn't enough time to talk.

36. Would it be harder to tell someone you loved them if you weren’t sure how they would respond, or have to tell someone that you didn’t love them back?

The latter.

I know from experience.

37. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

My mom on the phone after Christmas.

A few weeks ago.

38. What is your worst quality?

My temper.

But it's not nearly as short as it was in my youth.

39. What is your best quality?

My sincerity.

40. What is your most immediately noticeable quality?

My breasts. Hard to miss them. Even now.

41. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

Their eyes.

42. Describe one of your closest friends, and explain why that person is such a close friend.

My sister, because we just get on so well together and have so much fun with all our projects and opinions.

My sister and I fad a falling out, but are now on good terms again. I'd like to mention my bff, Natale. She's smart, talented, has a good heart, has been through a lot of the same things as I have, and has persevered. Plus, she's my Orochimaru. And she is so good at writing him!

43. What happened in the last dream you remember?

Something about the Monkees and I think it was Hallowe'en. The rest is a blur.

I was hanging out with Barry Gibb and he was so cool and fun!

44. What was your most memorable dream?

I dreamed I was the Elephant Man, wearing the robes and hood. Someone pulled off the hat and hood, but I looked like me.

45. Two truths and a lie.

The sky is blue. The earth is round. Gryffindor is a worthwhile House.

46. If you were having a baby with the love of your life, and they insisted that the child be named after a place, what would you name your child?

Babylon.

47. What is the last lie you told?

Not so much a lie as staying silent while someone said they watched Bill O'Reilly. Idiot.

Referring to my girlfriend as my roommate to a stranger? I'm not big on lying.

48. Is it possible for you to love someone you don’t trust?

Yes.

It's not a good thing, but it is possible.

49. What motivates you most?

Ambition.

50. What is your favorite narrative trope?

I guess the villain who turns out to be kind of good.

51. Describe the ultimate dystopia.

A world without the Monkees and Rocky Horror.

52. What story (book, movie, game, etc.) have you learned the most from?

Secretary.

53. What is something you wish other people could know about you without you having to tell them?

That I'm too shy to talk to people on my own.

I can in a professional manner, but approaching people as friends terrifies me. At least face to face. I can write to them just fine. Keep in mind I have a soft, high voice, a lisp, and dyslexia, in addition to social anxiety. Unless I'm in the spotlight/ playing a role. The pressure then disappears. Or in a very small group or one-on-one. Or even voice chat. The more intimate it is, the more I can open up. Hell, I let the floodgates open when I do have a friend or lover.

54. Describe a moment you experienced something unexpectedly beautiful.

Seeing this painting of Sappho in the Norton Simon Museum. It was so vivid, it floored me. I was having an episode of Stendhal syndrome.

55. What is the biggest challenge you face when trying to form relationships with people?

Talking to them.

56. How close do you think your perception of yourself is to how other people perceive you?

When I hate myself, probably close.

Depends on the people. Of course, with my disabilities, I don't get out much to interact with people nowadays. God, I need that nerve ablation. I miss being able to walk without a cane for more than 15 minutes. Or an hour, tops, with one.

57. What is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?

Letting people hear my voice.

I'm still insecure about it, though.

58. What is the most important emotion?

Determination.

Love. Which was second choice back then.

59. Do you think humans are any different than very advanced organic robots? If so, how?

Yes, we have souls.

60. If you had to move somewhere else, what would you miss most from where you are now?

The foreign food. You can't get Greek, Thai, Indian, etc. in rural Texas, where I lived before we moved the Metroplex.

61. If you were a videogame character, what would your iconic weapon be?

Kunai, I suppose.

62. What is an aspect of your personality now that would come as a surprise to your younger self?

That I no longer feel guilty about being in love with more than one person at a time.

Also, the need to be jealous of others. Jealousy is a waste of time and energy.

63. If you could eliminate one event from the last month, which event would it be?

Getting this fever blister!

My dog trying to eat something very gross off the ground. I almost threw up.

64. If you had to forget the entire last year except for one 24 hour period, which day would you chose to remember? (Other people would remember, and you would have anything you wrote down or recorded during that time period - you would just have a form of amnesia.)

The night I went to see Suspiria at the Texas Theater.

The day we adopted Buddy.

65. What is the most upsetting thing anyone has ever said to you?

"Go kill yourself."

66. If you had to pick only one ideal or cause to work toward, what would it be?

My True Will.

67. Are there any unforgivable actions? What are they?

Cruelty to animals, because animals can't plead for their lives.

68. Under what circumstances is keeping information secret acceptable or morally required?

To save lives and giving presents.

69. What is one of your favorite ways to relax?

Stretching out and watching the Monkees.

70. What is something you find difficult to talk about, even though you know you should?

That I want sex.

That I need a nap.

71. What is an easy, default topic of conversation?

Monty Python.

72. What is your favorite sort of conversation?

An intellectual one.

73. What is a version of you in an alternate reality doing right now?

Micky Dolenz.

74. What was the last adorable thing you saw?

My dogs.

My dog.

75. Would you prefer for people to hate you or for people to be completely indifferent to you?

Hate me.

Because at least I'll know why they're not there.

76. Would you prefer to be yelled at or ignored?

Ignored.

77. What is your favorite word and why?

Yasashiku. It means 'gently' in Japanese. It's very poetic.

78. What is your dream job?

Famous poet and burlesque girl.

79. What is the most difficult thing you’ve done this month?

Trying to beat this writer's block.

Starting a new patio garden.

80. When was the last time you were really scared?

When some drunk was banging on my door in the middle of the night and wouldn't stop for over an hour.

When my sister went in for surgery. She had stage 2 breast cancer.

81. What do you want most?

Success.

82. Describe an ideal day.

I do a lot of writing, watch some favourite programmes or films, go out to eat, have an interesting conversation with someone, and get some cuddle time.

An orgasm would be nice, too.

83. If you could speak to any real (non-fictional) person, living or dead for one hour, who would it be?

Aleister Crowley.

84. In general, are you happy with the person you have become?

Yes.

85. Do you want to be a parent?

Hell no.

I'll stick will dogs, thank you very much.

86. What is something unusual about you that not a lot of people know?

I've only had two or three vaginal orgasms in my entire life. And they all involved kinky sex (spankings, humiliation, etc).

87. What makes you you?

Hmm, my DNA?

88. Are you lonelier when you’re with people or when you’re alone?

With people.

89. What makes you feel safe?

Cuddling.

90. What was the last bad decision you made?

To eat all that tiramisu.

Reading someone else's opinion of Saionji. No, he's not some shallow ego-maniac! He puts up a nasty front to hide how terribly insecure and depressed he is. He did care for Wakaba! Mikage explained that extracting the crystallised copies of the Student Council members' dueling swords required "people who have a hold on their hearts." So how could Wakaba manage to take his sword if she wasn't dear to him? And then there's the fact Saionji uses the money she gives him to eat lunch with on a kit to hand-make a gift for her; a barrette of a leaf, the meaning of her name. I'm not saying Saionji's innocent. He's deeply flawed, like all the major characters, including Wakaba. It's that he's broken-hearted, not heartless. And Wakaba is the only person who genuinely cares for him.

91. Who is someone you have utmost respect for, and what is it about that person that makes you esteem them so highly?

Joseph Campbell, because he was so right about everything.

He wasn't infallible, but his work has helped me so much in understanding life and the Divine. I am a Joseph Campbell fangirl!

92. What was the last thing you laughed uncontrollably at?

Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The Cinema Snob's review of that xxx Mortal Kombat spoof. Oh my god, the running gag of Shao Kahn snoring in the background!

93. Your friend tells you that they are suicidal, and asks you not to tell anyone. Is it more of a betrayal to tell someone, or to keep silent?

To keep silent.

94. What song speaks to you most? Why?

Sarah Brightman's 'Once in a Lifetime.' It's so submissive! "Show me the floor; Lay down the law; I need to taste you more." I couldn't put it better, myself!

95. What basic values or principles do you turn to when faced with moral dilemmas?

The Laws of Thelema.

96. If you had a tagline, what would it be?

You're saying, 'Whore of Babylon,' like it's a bad thing.

97. If applicable, what do you look for in a romantic partner?

Intelligence, shared opinions and interests, honesty, mesmerizing eyes, skill with a riding crop.

Or they should at least be good at spanking!

98. Who is your favorite author?

Sylvia Plath.

99. Who is the one person you know who is most similar to you (in terms of personality, beliefs, attitudes, mannerisms, etc)?

My girlfriend.

Second would be my bff/ OroAnko rp partner. Ever since we patched up our friendship, I've had a new lease on life.

100. What are you most excited about right now?

The prospect of seeing the Monkees perform again next year.

I did see Micky and Peter on the 50th anniversary tour! Now it's my current creative burst. I've got fanfics, three novels, and a final edit of my poetry book on my plate. I swear I will stop putting the poetry book off!

[norisbeinghuman]

My 5 reasons for blogging

(This image is generated by AI, the rest is not.)

I believe this is my fifth(?!) attempt at blogging in the last 12 years. Some of those blogs were very short-lived, some survived for longer. None of the previous four are out there anymore. I had my reasons for starting each of the blogs, but it wasn’t something I thought about much, not something that was clear in my mind. As I was starting yet another blog (this one), I decided to be a bit more mindful and conscious of what my goals actually are. Because if you don’t know where you want to go, every step you take is in the wrong direction.

So here are my 5 reasons for blogging!

1. Sorting out my thoughts

I think a bunch. This is not a brag, by the way, I am not saying that I think more than others, and I am definitely not so certain this is good for me. But the fact is that I think enough for it to often get crowded in my head. For my sanity, it’s pretty useful to get those things out.

David McCullough said “Writing is thinking,” and I very much agree with that sentiment. Writing helps me sort out my thoughts. Somehow, it’s the best way for me to even find out what exactly I am thinking. In a way, I never quite know what will come out of it when I start, but that is one of its best benefits to me. It allows me to clarify my thoughts to myself.

While thinking itself can be passive, writing, on the other hand, is active. It gives the thoughts a concrete form, turns them from possibilities into things. Even if it’s “only” words, those words are an act of creation.

2. Learning by explaining

Related to the previous point, explaining things, whether in writing or by talking through them, is one of the best ways to make sure that you understand things. Trying to put your knowledge into a digestible format that can be understood by others is one of the best ways to see where the gaps are, and it creates an incentive to fill them.

Richard Feynman was a big proponent of learning by trying to explain things to others It helped him finding out where he lacked knowledge, then he looked up what was missing, learned more and then did it all again. And again, and again. The Feynman technique (that is really what it is called) is just one of many within the “learning by teaching” framework. Even explaining things to an inanimate object improves learning, hence the existence of the “plastic platypus learning” technique (yes, that is its real name). (Now I kind of want a plastic platypus.)

Note

One might argue, that these first two points only require writing, and maybe a plastic platypus, but can be done without plastering the writing all over the internet. And that is true. There are countless ways to achieve these goals, but I like blogging, because knowing others might read what I write forces me to write it with much more care than I would just for myself or for a plastic platypus, however cute.

3. Getting better at writing

Does every teenager want to become a writer? I used to think so, then I asked a few people, and found out they don’t. But I did. I also thought it was one of those silly dreams that you better not think too much about. How dumb is that?! Well, I finally got old enough and wise enough to realise that I might never be a writer, but there is nothing stopping me from being a writer. Nothing other than myself. Because making a living out of it is not at all required to being a writer.

As it is with any skill, be it pottery or skiing or coding or decorating cakes to look like real objects, you get better at it by doing it. Quantity leads to quality.

There is a story about a photography class in which the teacher told half of the students that they will be graded solely on the quantity of the photographs they take, while the other group was supposed to only take one single picture – a culmination of their knowledge, planning and preparations. At the end of the course, all the best photographs came from the “quantity” group. Absolutely all of them.

I read this story first in Atomic Habits by James Clear, then again in Show Your Work! by Austin Kleon, but this time with pottery instead of photography. Austin Kleon investigated why there are two versions of this story, and found out it really did happen in a photography class, but was first told by David Bayles and Ted Orland in the book Art & Fear, and they felt it fit better when changed to pottery.

I feel like the story works perfectly well with both photography and pottery, and the two versions of it illustrate how universal it actually is. Quantity doesn’t trump quality, but it does lead to it.

And so my goal is to practice my writing.

4. Gathering memories

This is a point I haven’t reached yet. I have deleted my old blogs, although I do keep some of my favourite old articles in my own archives. But I am looking forward to one day browsing through things I wrote 5, 10 or 20 years ago. Reminding me how my life was back then, what I was thinking about. Some of it will definitely feel outdated, maybe even cringe, but I think it will be fun.

5. Connecting with other people

Lastly, I want to publish my writings so that others can read them.

I often doubt whether my writing makes any sense, whether anyone wants to read it at all, whether I should just give up and climb under a rock. But life is too short and too weird for (self-)censorship, so I am doing my best to work around those doubts.

Truth is, I want people to read what I write. I want to know what they think. I want to test my ideas by showing them to others. I want to share the things I discovered, that make my life better or bring me join. I hope I might help someone, or inspire them, even if I only inspire them to prove me wrong on something.

Now that I am thinking about it, my blogging already turned a distant acquaintance into one of my now best friends. (Shout-out to Mariš!) I don’t see where and how we would have gotten to know each other if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone and started writing. So I guess it is working.

What I didn’t mention

An attentive reader might notice that I didn’t talk about some things that many people nowadays aim for when starting a blog. There are no mentions of traffic, marketing, or growth. In short, no money.

Let’s not sand-paper our eyes, who wouldn’t want some extra money, right? (Btw, sand-papering your eyes is a great Slovak expression for denying the obvious. I am trying to introduce it to English. Is it working?) Anyway, yes, money.

Truth is, the last blog before this one was my attempt to start an online business. And I hated it. It was fun at first, then it wasn’t. I wrote a whole blog post about how I failed at starting an online business, and why I’m happy with that. I still think it’s super neat that people can make money online, and I definitely believe that creators should be paid for what they do and provide. But the way I was trying to go about it just didn’t feel right for me.

Thankfully, I don’t need to make money from blogging, and I have a bunch of other wonderful reason for pursuing it. I am very happy to just blog for fun, as a hobby, about whatever I want. Simply to enrich my life, and maybe, if I am lucky, someone else’s too.

[kwockxpressions]

Richard Kim

1. Name, Year, Major & Hometown

Richard Kim, Managerial Economics, San Fernando Valley

2. What are you most proud of?

The progress I’ve made during college, mentally and physically.

3. If you could choose a Sanrio character as a pet, which one would it be and why?

Badtz-Maru because his eyes remind me of me.

4. What is the biggest green flag in someone?

When someone’s vibe/outlook is positive and it influences people around them

5. What’s your biggest ick?

Pettiness

6. If you were Kirby, who/what would you swallow and become?

I would swallow Ryan Reynolds

7. What’s the most embarrassing moment in your life?

When I thought an employee got my order but they blankly stare at me and say “huh”

8. When’s the last time you cried?

Recently, in a drunken stupor

9. What’s your most used emoji?

Fencing emoji

10. What do you value in friendship and tell me about your best friend?

I value comfort in a friendship. If I am able to text or call someone just because without feeling uncomfortable, I would say that I am pretty close with that person, despite how much time we’ve known each other (firm believer of quality of time over quantity of time). My best friend would have to be Edward. Other than the fact that he’s tall, can dress well (rock many styles), and funny (very similar humor), he’s a person who I can keep going back to, even though we’re on opposite sides of the state. The level of comfort we’ve established is pretty amazing, and it almost feels natural talking/texting him. We first met through a mutual friend in Davis and we both thought nothing much of each other. Some point though, we just clicked, maybe a little too well. One thing that I could proudly say I did and one of my core memories with him before he transferred out of Davis was that we ate food together everyday, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Despite having a 1 year age gap that we have, our life experiences are very different and the environment we grew up in is very different. As such, even though he’s my best friend, he’s also a role model for me. He motivates me to do better and be better (physically, mentally, work ethics), even on my worst days. One of my favorite things about Edward and our friendship is that he’s mean to others and nice to me. What I mean by that is that Edward isn’t afraid to say things that bother him and many perceive him as blunt and cold hearted. He doesn’t sugar coat things and is real about everything you ask him. However, once you warm up to him, he’s a big softie and although he clowns on me alot, I see his genuine side of him which I believe only a handful of people has seen. He’s my best friend Edward.

[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

Indeed, Rick's nature was sweet and peaceful. However, just like peace had it's advantages, it also had its problems. Richard often avoided discussions and arguments, specially when it was about him. Defending others? Rick could become a hero. But himself? He often suffered quiet or tried diplomacy. Rick and Shane completed each other so perfectly. And he always supported him and listened to him- he never felt lonely, even when things weren't well at home. Rick was the quiet, calm type. Never seeked for friends, never did effort to fit a group- it was the opposite, often people appreciated Rick's actions and ended up approaching him. He liked friends and family, but he didn't have the need to be popular or the center of attention. He would be quiet and enjoy the company of others...and that would be good. Such a sweet introvert. Rarely Rick judged people- he needed to be quite pissed to do so and most times he wouldn't say.

Shane was the sun, the energy that had popped in his life. His energy and action did him well...inspired him...and honestly, Shane was so funny. So cool.

"You were never a problem to me, man."

Rick looked at Shane in the eyes, voice low but serious and firm.

"We all got our problems. You got yours but you got your qualities too. You're...you. It's what makes you...be you." Rick understood Shane's sense of invalidation. He always had to be tough...both of them never managed to work their emotions as they grew up- they just had each other to vent...since venting to Lori often didn't end so well.

Shane's words shook him a bit. Invincible. Shane always seemed invincible, body and mind. And to hear and realize how hurt his friend had been...all those years...so lonely. Adventures of love with different women turned into stories and jokes to tell, while actually deep down, Shane was hurt he kept failing to build...something. A stray big dog...it's what Shane seemed like now to Rick's eyes.

"I never...thought you felt that way, all those years. I never considered....simply leaving you out of nowhere. You were...you're my brother. You're my family. Never doubt it."

Rick's eyes were getting teary again. The sweet way Shane was looking after his wounds didn't help...it only made Rick get even softer. "You always seemed to be ahead...I..I always did my best to catch up...and most times I did catch up but..." He took a deep breath. "I was sleeping at that hospital. I didn't see all this...happen. You...you were out here seeing the world end- I...I'm trying to catch up...I'm really trying."

Finally he opened up, lowering his head, exhaling the tension on his chest.

"I know I'm...behind. And that to you I'm pretty much pathetic now. Damn I didn't even recover my weight yet." He shook his head. "I feel like I'm running...the fastest I can to reach you, but you're so far ahead...and you're walking so fast I can't...reach- but I'm trying...I'll slowly...I'l...adapt. Like you. I will. Just....please don't let me behind. I'll get there. I know you think I'm not made for this but I can adapt to this- I've already killed two people...three now." he sighed. "That ain't easy...it messes with your head." He softened more as Shane was done bandaging his hands.

"Yes...you're going to be a dad." Rick smiled a bit, glad to see the legit joy in Shane's eyes. But the whole situation though it hurt Rick so much. Even though he knew it was justified, all what happened betwee Lori and Shane, the emotion and fragility- it still hurt him. And since it was so difficult to channel the hate at Shane at the moment, he just pushed it against himself.

"Maybe if I was a better father, a better husband- maybe it wouldn't have happened."

He shrugged, sadly, but also happy for Shane. He knew looking after the baby would approach Lori and Shane even more. It was a fact and it made Rick so insecure. Even if he chested Shane and became better than him at everything or even if Shane promised to never approach Lori again...he knew for a fact the baby would unite Shane and Lori again. Even if a romance didn't take place, it would be such an intimate bond with HIS wife.

Rick took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. Carl too had bonded so much with Shane- the gazes, the hugs...it was so obvious his friend had become a new father figure.

"In the end what matters is...that everyone survives. That Lori and the baby and Carl survive." Rick nodded, doing so much effort to put it aside, to try to push away all that story of Lori and Shane being together- "What happened doesn't matter anymore. Now we need to focus just on surviving..like you said. No fights, no memories, no morals...just...focus on survival." Rick affirmed, trying to force himself to leave all that issue behind. But he broke. He broke and cried- pressing a hand against one of his eyes, trying to contain the sobbing. Rick just kept sitting there, crying, as silently as he could. "It's a....new start...now." Voice so shaky and weak in trauma.

Fuck. Fuck the whole situation. He hated all of it. And he felt awful for feeling that way- he felt so inferior.

Covered in blood....

Rick looked at his arm, touched his forehead. Yeah. Randall's blood was all over him- he had practically exploded due to the shot.

"Right...I better get this cleaned up...and I don't want to wake up the others." Even though the shot was loud and probably could be heard from the farm, most people were sleeping.

@deputygonebye

Finally, they had talked about it. The core of Rick's anger- Lori and Shane. Finally, the matter had been treated, in private, with both of them calm. It was hurting- all the punches, all the hits he had received from Shane- damn, he was so strong. Rick also knew that if his friend really had meant to kill him, he would be dead. No in between. Shane hadn't actually tried to murder him, he knew- he thought so. That man could be brute when he wanted- he was aware Shane could have snapped his neck with ease if he truly wanted him dead- this is why he came back for him, this is why he still trusted and counted on his brother. As he watched Shane across the fire, as he saw his best friend hurt like that...it finally started to him him, all the damage, all the emotional pain Shane went through. There were no distractions now, it was just the night, the fire, Rick and Shane and nothing else, the silence of the night with the calm forms of life. Richard remained silent all the time, giving Shane space, mental space to work his thoughts and speak. As he watched him, he observed the wounds on his rough body- had Rick actually done that? Manged to hurt Shane? It seemed unreal. The difference between their strength always had been so....crazy. To think Rick had exploded and decided to punch his friend- he was aware he was the one who had started it. He was aware he was the one who had exploded. After a deep breath, Rick facepalmed- He had pushed Shane. Pushed him a lot. Kept provoking him, despite knowing his brother had been holding back- holding back a lot, even when he had won their fight, he had just let Rick there, on the floor- not stomped him, not punched him to death, not twisted his neck. It happened twice. And even so, Rick stood and tried to attack Shane again. He felt foolish now- but he really, he really didn't want Randall to get killed like that- Rick needed time to think, and when they got back to the farm, he had decided- but he...he felt he hadn't the guts to do it- to execute- and when he had build up some courage, Carl was right there, watching. He couldn't let his son see him execute someone in cold blood-

His eyes looked golden as the fire reflected the warm light, both hands together, covering his busted lips, he watched his friend. Slowly his eyes filled with sadness and moved down, palms rubbing slowly as he tried to relieve anxiety. Then, his blur orbs got glossy. "You and Lori...I..." His voice was low. Indeed....Shane had gone through hell...being the force of survival alone, saving his family, without any support but Lori. And Lori...also alone, thinking her husband was dead. "It's...it's okay. It's okay that it happened." It's okay." That bomb, that core, that seed of hate against Shane- that cancer inside Rick's soul had finally started to dissolve. Until then, despite understanding logically what had happened Between Shane and Lori, his heart hadn't accepted it- his feelings hadn't accepted it- and that had been poisoning his soul since he started to suspect it, since he found out. "When I figured it out...and I figured out pretty quickly...I...I kept wondering until when you two would keep hiding it from me. Until when you would keep lying." Rick confessed. "I'm not..." He took a deep breath. "I'm not dealing so well with it." Richard looked Shane in the eyes and nodded. "But I will. I just need time. Okay?" His voice was different. All the hostility he had been building against Shane, all that hate, all that secret anger, all of that had been disarmed. That reaction, that defensive attitude was gone from Rick's eyes. Now they just looked sad and tired. "Yes. We're good." His voice was a lot softer, near a breaking point actually. "I also hate what happened to us." There was so much nostalgia in his eyes, looking his brother with such delicate stare. "Remember that time...well, of course you remember- there was that asshole...that had some problem with me at the academy- I still don't know why that guy hated me so much- he was always messing around. I remember that time he slapped me in the face, soon after lunch- I remember how you stepped in and just...punched him and shoved that asshole through the window, as if he were nothing- he fell right into that huge water puddle, got soaked..." Rick smiled softly. "It was...it was so awesome. I thought...'Shane is so strong, to lift that guy as if he were nothing...he was bigger than me'- I couldn't forget even if I wanted. And then, another day, that same guy cornered me, came at me, to hurt me for real- he had tried to choke me, busted my lips...he was assaulting in such aggressive way- but I knew you were keeping an eye- this is why I wasn't afraid." Rick nodded as he watched the fire. "You were for real that time. With one punch...just one...and the guy was down. Blacked out. Blacked out for good." He looked at Shane again. "That was...when you got serious. You could have killed him. Maybe if you wanted, he would be dead." Rick shrugged. "When you fought me earlier...that wasn't you being serious." He looked down in shame, curling a little bit, licking his lips, then spreading his jaw to relieve the tension of clenching it so much. "I was an idiot. I know." Rick muttered. "I'm sorry for that. I truly am. But I do think I can...I think we can keep them safe. And it doesn't have to be just me." His eyes were getting glossy again. "We'll kill him. We'll kill Randall." Rick said, in tone of defeat. "I was going to...wait. Wait for tomorrow, but..." He shook his head. "Dale is dead. If...if we had just solved it...if I hadn't brought all this discussion to the group, if we had just DONE it- he would still be here. His death is on me. And I couldn't even finish him." A tear rolled down Rick's cheek. "Dale's gone, man. Dale's gone because of me."

Talking to Shane made him see. Made him realize. Shane wasn't insane. He just could see things Rick still couldn't. Dale had been naive and his destiny had been clear. "Shane...I forgive you." He muttered. His eyes were already different. No more egotistical pride, no more spikes pointed to Shane. "I just need some time to heal it....but...it's okay. It will be okay." The man seemed to be crying, silently. He stood, walked away to the barn. A dry gunshot resonated through the night. It was fast. Quickly executed. Rick didn't even think- he kept his feelings and thoughts out of it- he did it to show Shane he would follow his part of the promise. They both had agreed young man had to die- Daryl agreed, the others agreed- the only one who voted for mercy now was dead. There was no pointing arguing anymore.

Richard came back, covered in blood- shirt and face and neck and chest stained with the red liquor, still dripping, still running down over his skin down to his chest and stomach- after blowing Randall's head up with his Magnum- such explosive, violent gun- with one of the greatest recoils, such violent shot- just like Rick, a thin form capable of lethal explosions. But now, he was calm. All hate and anger replaced by guild and sadness, but also decision. Grimes felt he didn't have to keep proving he was a leader anymore- he just had to get things done. And he had. It would be with Shane from then on. If he had told about Lori's pregnancy before- if Lori had told them before, he was sure Shane wouldn't have exploded the way he did- same with Glenn, if he had told about the barn earlier, if they had managed to talk properly, Shane probably wouldn't have exploded the way he did. Rick was starting to understand. He had seen the type of man Randall was, trying to persuade Carl, smashing that walker with pleasure in his eyes- the brutality- the fun in violence, such great red flags. He couldn't keep fooling himself, pretending he hadn't notice, that he hadn't seen it. Not anymore. His chest was shaking, his eyes seemed a bit shocked, he blinked slowly, deep breaths. He took a small roll of bandages from his pocket, moved closer to Shane, sitting by his side, taking his wounded fists gently, wrapping the bandages around his hand and knuckles, head low, regretful tears dripping on the bandages from time to time. That hate was gone. The sadness and fear though, they had stayed. "You...you're going to be a dad, man... congratulations." Rick smiled sadly as he kept his eyes on Shane's hands as he treated the wounds. He wouldn't steal the kid from Shane. It would be low and unfair. It would be so unfair. It was his- Shane had a word in it- All of them would have to sit down and talk- Rick, Shane, Lori. They would have to stop hiding things from each other-trying to steal each other's rights from the truth. They had to be fair and decide things together from now on- it was complicated, so complicated, but it had to be dealt with. "We'll take care of them. We will. We will do this together. We'll survive. Above anyone else, we have each other. You're my best friend, always been. Always will be." Rick's voice was a bit shaky, he was broken, but healing. The devotion he had in his actions, in his eyes, that wouldn't change.

@deputygonebye

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

what books have you been reading recently, and would you recommend any of them?

The Book of Why and the Philosophy of Science: An Introduction (D. O. G. Arcediano, Penguin Books (Random House). 3 stars / 3.5 stars based on Wikipedia says: "All the Birds Are Brown is the first book in the All the Birds Are Brown series")

The World According to Skydiving – Larry Correia. This is a hilarious book and if you like my writing style I think you'll probably enjoy this one. This review is pretty bad though, but then everything I wrote about this book was pretty bad.

The Invisible Gorilla – Robin Hanson. A very strange book that is one of the most original and creative books I have ever read.

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat – David Seuss.

Harry Potter and the Methods of Mathematical Thinking – Eliezer Yudkowsky, although this review of HPMoR is probably better than anything I have ever written about anything. HPMoR has been the best book I've ever read for the way it changed my life. I'll come back to the review, but that's the spirit of the book, you see

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.

More books that don't stand out for their quality or literary merit per se but that have been very important to me:

Richard Feynman's famous Feynman Lectures on Physics.

The Physics of Star Trek.

The Quantum Thief

The Last Question

Mason & Dixon

Causality and Chance in Modern Physics: The Physicist's Guide to the Subject (Amsterdamsma & de Raeynders.)

The Blind Assassin

A book that's really important to me that isn't one of the above that I would recommend highly:

Lucifer by the name of Uriel, or the Secret History of the World. This is the book I've always wanted, ever since I was a kid, where every book in every other story was actually the book of the story. It has the following qualities:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was corrupt before the world had come into existence, and God perceived that it was corrupted. So he brought the first man and the last man and the animals of the field together. Then God brought the man and the woman from the earth to the garden, took away their names, and made them one. This is the beginning of your name.

God saw all of the things that God had made, and God said "this is very good. Now we will make another thing and we will see if this thing is good. It would be good if things were bad, but since they are good they will be the same." Therefore, God made another thing, and God made man in God's image and God's likeness. And God saw every thing that God had made, and it was very good.

Now that we are all made, God gave us orders. One of those orders is to eat a bunch of meat. But because meat is good, that order only goes as far as the order for good things.

And after the order for good things, we gave God a big hug, and God said "please don't break my arm." And we said ok and then went off and did some other stuff like inventing baseball and flying to the moon and the thing where man became god and that other one where the snake bit its own tail and so forth.

After we had been in space for a while, we got in the space shuttle with God, and God said "would you like to see some of our stuff" and we agreed, and he opened the sun and the moon and the stars, and we saw, and we said we liked it. We made another thing and asked God's permission to make it bigger. God said "no, that's bad." We tried to stop God, but God kept making the thing, so we had to throw him in jail and shut the sun and the moon and the stars up in their boxes. And we threw some other stuff away and told people it was broken.

From the point that everything was destroyed, God was imprisoned for a while in the Earth's core. We threw God in prison in order to keep him from being able to make another thing.

Since this is a very important part, I will tell you about it. After everything was ruined, God got out of prison and said "let's make one more thing", and we agreed, and God made the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and people, and everything good that people have

[wenellyb]

Grey's anatomy is a show full of incredibly talented surgeons but who are some of the most toxic, lying, cheating, egotistical and self-centered TV characters, but somehow the Grey's fandom only seems to have a problem with it when these character traits are associated to non-white characters.

Exhibit A: For several seasons Maggie has received hit for being annoying and and some fans were saying they wanted her gone.... But do you know which character is ten times more annoying than Maggie? Our beloved Amelia Shepherd. You know who's also annoying sometimes? Teddy Altman. But I've never seen calls to have Amelia and Teddy's characters leave the show.

Exhibit B: Everyone complaining about Richard's behavior lately because of the Webber method... While I agree we haven't shown the best of him in the last episodes, the storyline involving his character was still interesting. But I see post about wanting to see him leave, because he's too self-centered etc,... If you have managed to find love for Derek Shepherd at some point in the show, you don't get to think a character should leave for being too self-centered. Richard isn't the first Grey's character to behave this way and he won't be the last.

Is the criticism towards Richard's character justified? Yes, absolutely. Are some of the reaction over the top and an overreaction to what we actually see on screen? Also yes.

Exhibit C: Levi, my sweet sweet Levi... I feel for him and want him to get better soon. But the fandom??? I can't deal with them. I remember when Nico (his boyfriend) accidentally killed a patient and being in a dark place.... How did the fandom react?

"OH poor Levi, his boyfriend lashed out at him" then they completely managed to demonize Nico and obliterate the fact that he was going through one of the most difficult periods of his life.

And now that the roles are reversed and Levi is going through the same exact thing because be accidentally killed a patient. How did the fandom react?

"OH poor Levi, he's in a dark place he's going through something"

How come the fandom sees it for Levi but not for Nico?

I guess I wouldn't react so strongly if I hadn't witnessed half the fandom go at Nico a few years ago and trying to demonize him for a behavior that was not surprising but also understandable after losing a patient. Even some Nico fans blamed the show for showing his character in a bad light or demonizing him... But the show didn't do that... The show portrayed Nico's character as they would have done for any other Grey's character. It's just that this Fandom doesn't know how to react when it comes to characters who are not White.

Grey's characters aren't perfect, they're not supposed to be, they are flawed but they also have redeeming qualities and that is why the show is so entertaining.

I love all Grey's characters but the double standards in the fandom makes me want to scream.

I don't understand.... They're all the worst... That's why we love them right?

[mantleoflight]

Richard watched as Ms. Parallax left, the card bending as he rubbed his thumb harshly against its smooth surface. How long could they wait? How long would the offer be open? He looked down the hall towards the other doors of the ICU before looking back at the door to his own beloved's room.

'Rachel,' he thought, his heart aching. 'I don't know if I can lose you... or if this will even work but...'

Taking a deep breath, the young man opened his wife's door. "Rachel," he called, gently knocking on the door.

The young woman had been laying on the bed, her face to the wall. With an unhappy sigh, she turned in her bed, bruises already forming on her upper arm where she'd been laying. Signs of her deteriorating condition... thinning blood vessels growing thinner thanks to the micro metals still in her system.

"So, that's Mr. Bray's representative?" she asked, sitting up to look at him.

Richard nodded and took a seat at her bedside. "You heard everything?" he asked, handing her the rep's card.

Rachel frowned and nodded. "Yeah. I might be put out but I'm not deaf. She didn't give much information about these exos they're advertising." She scanned the barcode with her tablet and began to scroll through the company's funnel page advertising the exo bodies available. The young woman clicked through them expertly, pausing at a certain body before lacing her bruised fingers together.

"There's not much on them," she murmured quietly. "It says their features and how they're supposed to work, immune to everything that could ever bother a human... but no information on if it doesn't work. If something goes wrong."

"There's probably a waiver for that kind of thing," Richard suggested, leaning over to see.

Rachel frowned deeply, gazing down at the turquoise exo body displayed on her screen. "They're only just starting..." she murmured, her hands trembling. "Richard, I... I don't want to be pulled into a trick, a novelty, a chance to save my life that really won't..."

Richard reached over and took his wife's hand gently in his. "Rachel, we both know Braytech is known for bringing about groundbreaking, quality work." He felt his throat choke up as he pressed his wife's knuckles to his lips. "Rachel, I... I don't know if I handle losing you. I don't know if the boys..."

Rachel leaned forward, her stricken expression mirroring her husband's as they leaned against each other. "Me too," she said gently.

They stayed like that for a while, just leaning against each other, letting the weight of their burden pass to the other, before sitting up again. Rachel recovered first and cleared her throat.

"Alright. I'll send in my questions and our acceptance. I'll ask about the risks, medical support, and protections they have for the families involved. If this is anything like getting a cyber prosthetic, I want to make sure I'm getting the best physical therapist to help me adjust to it. But... if anything goes wrong, I want confirmation that they'll be compensating our family for it."

Richard gave a small smile of relief and kissed her forehead. "Then let's hope and pray that nothing goes wrong."

“We Can Help.” - Braytech