#and the thing I got for like the first half had absolutely no bacon

[thegenderfluidace]

Aughhhhjdhcjebxjsnjxs

nauseoussssss

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ugajxbjebxjsbxjsbxjwnxjsnxjsnsj

Hating the icky

Life is hate crimeing me rn

And during pride month as well smh

Can’t believe this snxjanxjnsksjs

[brattyfics]

Sins of The Flesh II

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Black!OC [Riley]

Wordcount: 3,000+

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Alternate Universe (Mike Is Alive), P in V, Spanking Aftermath, Mentions of Heaven/Hell, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Absolute Filth, Breeding Kink, Oral (Female Receiving)

A/N: Part One should be read first. Divider by fireflygraphics. I'm kind of embarrassed, but not really because y'all are nasty too.

“I want grits with a salmon croquette and chicken sausage. Can you get me a strawberry lemonade too? Their lemonade is amazing.”

Riley lay on her stomach in bed, facing Terry, who was propped up against the headboard, cell phone in hand. He rubbed between her shoulder blades, his touch gentle and soothing as he dialed up the brunch restaurant. Freshly bathed and wrapped up in one of his Marines T-shirts, she felt almost like she was floating. Having Terry there, being so attentive and caring, was exactly what she needed after their time apart.

“You want a side of bacon, too?” he asked, eyeing her with a raised brow. He knew her too well—she always said no, but then asked for some of his when the food arrived. “No, I don't need that much. Just a little bit.” She pinched her fingers together, mimicking a tiny portion.

“I’ll just have some of yours. You’ll share, right, baby?” She reached over lazily to rub his forearm, her fingers caressing the scar above his wrist. His expression softened as he gazed into her sweet brown eyes. She was so mesmerizing without even trying.

“Of course. Whatever you want,” he said, placing the order without the bacon but adding on an order of beignets. They were her guilty pleasure and he enjoyed tasting the powdered sugar that lingered on her lips afterward.

He tossed his phone aside after learning the total. “It’ll be here in an hour.”

“An hour?” she sighed deeply, “I’m going to starve by then.” After church hunger hit differently, and his spanking had drained her energy even more. She needed a nap and a big hearty meal to recover.

“You’ll be a’ight,” he grinned, shaking his head slightly as he laughed. "As soon as you take that first bite, you'll be saying it was worth the wait." Riley erupted into laughter, surprised at how predictable she really was. “Quit acting like you got me all figured out,” she giggled, tracing the lines of his palms with her fingers. “Today could be different, you never know.”

“You say that every week, babe.”

“I could change my mind,” she insisted, coming up with all kinds of scenarios—like missing chicken sausage or a plain lemonade that would throw her whole day off. The beignets could arrive soggy or without enough powdered sugar.

"You just talkin' to be talkin', huh?" He cut her off, tickling her sides until she was shrieking and wiggling away from him. She swatted at his hands, enjoying the lightness of the moment and teasing him back, “You know you love when I run my mouth.”

“You got a gift for keeping things interesting, that’s for sure.” He admitted, gaze drawn to her backside as her legs kicked up playfully behind her. The moments when it felt like it was just the two of them in the entire world with nothing else to worry about were her favorite.

“See? I knew you liked all this mouth.”

“Yeah, but that mouth is what keeps getting you into trouble, too.” He reminded her with a gentle kiss, his hands sliding down to her waist. Riley smiled up at him, bright and beautiful, and he knew he couldn’t deny her anything. Her parents had spoiled their only child, and Terry nurtured that spirit, indulging her in every way. She’d run all over him if he let her, which is why their little “checks and balances” system was necessary.

"Let me see what we’re working with," He tugged her closer by her arms, brushing off her protests as he lifted the oversized T-shirt to her waist, eager to examine his handiwork. She’d soaked in an oatmeal bath for half an hour, but her butt was still welted, bearing the marks of his handprints.

"Damn, baby, I really did a number on you."

Riley propped herself up on her elbows. "I'm fine," she assured him softly. "I needed it." The release had allowed her to shed the tension that had built up over the past week, though her body was still aching.

“Let me go ahead and put some cream on that for you,” he insisted.

Earlier, she'd brushed off his offer, insisting it hurt too much and that waiting until after her bath would be best. She groaned, realizing she couldn’t avoid it any longer. Terry was all about that aftercare—always checking to make sure she was genuinely okay. He reached into the bedside drawer, pulled out the tube of homemade cream—a mix of shea butter and aloe vera gel—and then settled in behind her.

He knelt on his haunches, positioned between her legs while she buried her face in the sheets. She heard the cap pop open, followed by the sound of his hands rubbing together to warm the cream.

She hissed as he began to work magic, his touch gentle but precise.

Her eyes were tightly shut, but she could easily picture his arms flexing as he kneaded her skin. He was as skilled as any professional massage therapist. She never questioned where he’d learned that skill or how he’d perfected it. She preferred to remain ignorant. The thought of him using those hands on other women, touching them the same way, drove her up the wall.

That primal instinct constantly gnawed at her, igniting an ugly possessiveness she couldn’t rein in.

The last time they went on a dinner date, she was convinced the older woman at the table next to them was intentionally dropping her napkin just to get Terry to keep picking it up. That lady took every opportunity to touch his hands, leaning in way too close for comfort. It didn’t take all that just to say 'thank you'.

Afterward, she told him she never wanted to go back, pretending it was because the tables were too close together. The truth was, she felt too embarrassed to admit she was jealous of someone old enough to be her grandma for no good reason.

Then there were the young women who couldn’t resist trying their luck. The same girls she grew up with at church would ask, “Terry, can you bring my donations in for me? They’re so heavy. Terry, can you carry these cakes in? Terry, will you come out to the car and grab these cans of soda?”

They knew damn well they were dragging their own donations in before he started showing up. So she made it a point to lag behind on Sunday mornings. They wouldn’t be late, but they also wouldn’t arrive early enough for anyone to take advantage.

And don’t get her started on the women at the grocery store; they were the absolute worst!

They’d whisper and watch Terry as he walked through the aisles. He’d bend down and reach for everything Riley pointed out, completely oblivious to their lingering. They clustered around when he loaded up the cart with water. It drove her so crazy that she eventually started ordering her groceries for pickup, insisting he unload them at home.

All that fine was for her eyes only.

Gradually, the burning sting began to subside. What had felt like a raging fire now simmered down to a dull, tender ache. “Feel better?” he asked, kissing the back of her neck. “Mhm,” she hummed lazily, on the verge of falling asleep.

“Yes. Thank you.”

He bent down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. “I'm supposed to look after you. You don’t need to thank me for that.” She had a way of bringing out his softer side, making him feel more tender than he ever planned to be. “You had it coming, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it.”

“I told you I’m fine, baby.”

"Doesn't mean I can't kiss it better."

She bit her lip, wishing he would finally grant her the one request she’d been making all day. The waiting felt like a tightrope walk—teetering on the edge of cruel and unusual punishment.

“But I gotta make sure I’ve got all my bases covered first," he said as he helped her onto her hands and knees, applying gentle pressure to her back until she arched.

Slivers of light filtered through the closed blinds, bouncing off her moisturized, glossy skin. He watched, enthralled, as her hips swayed back and forth, fueled by all that pent-up energy. He couldn’t look away from the swollen, soft pink. 

"Yeah, I’mma make it all better with a kiss." He pledged, carefully using both of his hands to part her open before pressing a gentle kiss against her slit. She panted, heart racing as he kissed her pussy the same way he kissed her lips—slow and sensual, taking his sweet time before sliding his tongue in.

He teased her with his words in between.

"You always taste so good."

"I missed this pussy while I was away."

"It's all I could think about."

"Such a sweet girl, baby."

Riley jolted forward, squealing in surprise when the tip of his tongue brushed her sensitive clit. “Don’t move,” He instructed sternly, grabbing hold of the back of her thighs. His tongue lavished her wet pussy as she squirmed; warm, wet, methodical, and engineered to drive her wild. Terry was such a fucking menace.

"Wait a second, baby," She tried to gather herself, groaning and shifting her hips, as if another moment would make his teasing any easier to endure. She bit her lip to stifle her sounds, but he wasn't having that. Terry wrapped his arms under her legs until he had her firmly secured.

"What did I say?" She struggled against his grip but found it was iron-tight. "Don't run from me," He warned like he didn't already have her pinned down and at his mercy.

He took full advantage of her vulnerable position, zeroing in on her puffy clit, sucking, licking, and devouring her like a starved man. She clawed at his hands, but it was useless.

“Oh God!" She gasped, convinced he was one of the devil’s soldiers, sent to torment and steal her soul. Nothing else made sense. She’d never met a man so skilled and deliberate in driving her insane. 

“You good, baby?” She heard the smirk in his voice, certain that this was some new form of torture. The only time she caught a break was when he took a second to breathe, and even then, he was right back at it, pushing her limits all over again. His mouth was even more skilled than his hands, working her over soft and deliberate until she was trembling.

Terry was indeed a fucking menace, but she was his willing prey, moaning that it was too much while pushing her hips back for more. Her essence dripped onto his tongue and down his chin, sweet and sticky like ripe mango.

"I'm gonna come!" She wailed, grinding against his face.

Terry pawed at her butt, a surge of aggression washing over him. It took everything not to spank her ass some more. He stuffed his face where she wanted it, letting her ride his tongue until she creamed all over it.

“Shit!” she screamed, collapsing forward as her hips jerked uncontrollably. 

The sound of his shorts falling to the floor faded into the background as blood rushed to her ears, drowning out everything else. Before she realized it, he flipped her onto her back, placing one pillow under her head and another beneath her back to ease the pressure on her bottom. He lifted her hips, positioning himself to slide between her legs.

The tip of his dick leaked as he stroked it, grunting softly as he tried to mentally prepare for the tight fit. Her pussy was still clenching down on nothing, hungry for something more.

“Come ‘ere,” Riley urged, pulling him down to her lips for a deep kiss and moaning wantonly as she tasted herself. She wrapped her arms and legs tight around Terry’s large frame, grinding down against his hard dick. Her chest felt tight with emotions that were too intense.

I love you to death. You mean everything to me. I need you.

Terry could ask her to do just anything in that moment, and she’d say yes without a second thought. She’d agree to have ten children if that's what he wanted. She wanted a permanent connection, something to bind them together forever—a family of their own.

"You ready for more, pretty girl?"

"I'll take whatever you give me," She promised softly, laser-focused on his big dick as he teased at her entrance. She was fatigued, but finally getting what she had been fantasizing about all week. Deep brown skin, mesmerizing hazel eyes, and a strong, muscular build that could surround her completely.

Her face contorted, brows furrowed and mouth agape as he pushed in. Terry pressed his face into her neck, letting out a soft groan as she ran her fingers soothingly along his back. "I love you," she confessed, unable to contain the emotion any longer as he began to move his hips.

Terry could barely think straight with her squeezing him so tightly, but he managed to work up to a steady rhythm, gently pushing and pulling until he was fully sheathed inside her. Riley gripped his arms for dear life as he occupied every inch of her.

“Can’t believe you thought I was giving this to somebody else,” He let out a loud grunt, thrusting deep. "I already got my hands full with you, baby."

Riley was his own little slice of heaven, perfectly crafted just for him. He never imagined he could love someone so deeply that being apart from her felt like he was missing a limb. As he slipped into her, he remembered how she had accused him of cheating when she was the only thing on his mind. Her sweet magnolia scent and those beautiful brown eyes—she was his master, and she didn’t even realize it.

"Fuck me," She ordered with the urgency of a drill sergeant, grabbing his ass and pushing him deeper. She wanted him buried inside of her. “That feels so good.” She growled out.

“Keep fucking me, just like that.”

"Fuck this tight pussy, Daddy.”

“I missed this dick so fucking much.”

“I’ve been thinking about it everyday.”

She didn’t usually speak that way, but something was taking over her, making the vulgar words spill from her lips effortlessly.

It had taken all his restraint not to give in to her earlier, but it was worth it for this moment. The way her heat molded around him, fitting him perfectly as she clung to him, desperate and wanton.

“You’re being so rough with me, baby!” she exclaimed, though there was no hint of complaint. Terry was manhandling her like a ragdoll, and she loved every second of it. Watching such a disciplined man lose control over her was exhilarating.

Terry tried to restrain his darker urges around her, but she was so beautiful when she cried. It only fueled his hunger, driving him to be even more aggressive. She clawed at his back, yelling out when his balls smacked her tender ass.

“I wanna have your baby, Daddy.” Riley confessed with tears in her eyes. She knew she had to be losing her mind, but she meant every word.

Terry’s hips faltered. “What did you just say?”

“I want to give you a baby. I want us to have a baby together. Can we, please?”

Every conversation they’d had about having children had ultimately come down to the understanding that they needed to be married first before starting a family. The pullout method, however dangerous, had worked for them thus far. He couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, but she knew exactly what to say to get what she wanted out of him. "I want to be the one to give you a baby, Daddy. The only one.”

Terry cursed, struggling to keep his composure. His own mind was foggy with love and lust. Her parents would be furious if he got her pregnant before marriage, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. They could go ring shopping tomorrow and then apply for the marriage license right after. It was just paperwork—he already knew how he felt.

“You for real?” He imagined her big and round, pregnant and filled with his child. Relying on him to help her tie her shoes or assemble a crib for their child.

"Yes!" she replied eagerly, her eyes shining with desire.

“You want me to make you a mommy?”

“Yes, I’m ready to have all your babies, Daddy.” Babies? She always had to take it a step further. The bare minimum was never enough for her. She was utterly spoiled, and their children would undoubtedly be the same.

“How am I supposed to turn you down when you ask so sweet?” Terry leaned in closer, his breath warm against her neck as he let out a low growl. “If you want my baby, you’re gonna have to be a really good girl and keep that pussy open for me.”

“If you keep giving it to me good, I’ll give you what you want.”

“I’ll cum deep in that creamy pussy and give you a baby.”

She was so wet that everything felt slick, her brown eyes glazed over with desire. He knew he should try to be the responsible one, but all he could think about was filling her womb and giving her the beautiful baby she was begging him for. “Tell me you’re mine,” he says, gripping her neck firmly, leaving her breathless.

“I-," The doorbell rings, and it takes her a few moments to process the sound. Terry doesn’t stop, sweat dripping down his face and onto her skin, mixing with hers. It’s as if he’s in a trance, unable to concentrate on anything but his mission.

“Oh my God,” she cries, pushing at his firm stomach for when he strikes a particularly sensitive spot inside of her. Terry forced her up the bed with each powerful motion of his hips, fucking her harder and deeper than he ever had before.

“Relax. It's probably the food," He crooned, brushing her hands aside. "I’ll get it, but I need to give you my baby first.”

“Oh my God,” She braced herself as the pressure built in her belly. Terry was driving himself deep and hard in her pussy like he had a point to prove. He really wanted that baby. With her eyes closed shut, Riley surrendered, pinching and pulling on her nipples until she was soaking Terry and the sheets beneath them. He held her down, ensuring she couldn’t escape as he flooded her with cum.

“Oh my god,” she repeated incessantly, like a broken record. All of his weight settled on top of her, their foreheads touching. She gazed into his eyes, the realization of what they had just done beginning to sink in. She didn’t have any regrets; she was eager to claim him as hers forever. Excited to nurture a child who represented the best of each of them.

Terry leaned in, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss that lingered as if he were trying to memorize the taste of her. When he finally pulled away, it was with reluctance, his gaze locked on hers. He couldn’t find any hint of regret in her eyes, and he certainly didn’t have any himself.

"Thank you, Daddy." She cooed, reaching down to stroke her clit. He watched, entranced as their slick oozed out of her. It felt like he was hardwired for it, instinctively wanting to fill her up again and push in deep. “Whatever happens next, I’m gonna take care of you.” He vowed, his warm hand pressing gently on her belly. He silently prayed for a favorable outcome, hoping it would lead to a little baby in the next ten months.

She brushed the sweat from his forehead with the back of her hand. “I know. I love you and trust you completely. I really want us to be a family.”

“We will be,” he said with a conviction that tugged at her heartstrings.

The doorbell rang again.

“The food,” she reminded him, gently pushing him back before they got too caught up in the moment. She needed a moment to catch her breath anyway. The tension between them was smoldering.

He cursed under his breath as he reluctantly pulled away, picking up his shorts from the floor and then his wallet from the dresser. She heard the faint sound of the door alarm as the front door opened, followed by quiet voices conversing while she stared up at the ceiling.

Her heavy eyelids fluttered shut. There was no way she'd be able to go to work in the morning.

Terry eventually shuffled back into the room, holding the tied bag in his large hands like a prized catch. “Come on. Let’s put something else in your belly before you knock out on me.”

Thoughts? Lol 😂

Tagging the people who asked for a second installment:

@sageispunk @avoidthings @megamindsecretlair @planetblaque

[beybaldes]

I never know what to think about (I think about you)

summer sleepover masterlist

jamie tartt x gn!reader

summary : “hugging and absentmindedly kissing their neck, resulting in mortification for one of them” requested by anon

an : someone requested this for ted too so that will be coming soon bc I love love love this prompt :,(( I have never finished a fic faster because I was anxiously speed typing trying to get this written while I waited to join the que for eras tour tickets 😭 update just before I post: I got eras tour tickets!!!!

You were dancing around Jamie’s kitchen while you cooked breakfast, jumping about to whatever song had come on the radio while you scrambled eggs and flipped over pieces of bacon.

It wasn’t the first time you’d found yourself in the footballers kitchen in the early hours of the day, last nights clothes still on and reeking of alcohol, and you highly doubted it would be the last. Jamie had a bad habit of encouraging the party - for whatever occasion and wherever it had started - to end up back at his place. But when it’d happened last night, you’d found yourself sneaking off to his guest room and crashing out there.

You knew Jamie wouldn’t mind, he never did, but you felt like making breakfast was the least you could do as a thank you for letting you stay, an apology for inevitability scaring him when he woke up to find you still in his house, and another apology for stealing one of his hoodies to combat the cold.

If you hadn’t been so caught up in making breakfast and dancing your way between cupboards, you might have noticed Jamie leaning against the doorway, arms folded across his chest.

To Jamie, you were completely irresistible. There was no doubt about it. Every minute of everyday he found himself thinking about you; about the curve of your smile, and the blush that would fill your cheeks whenever you were close to him, about the way you wore his jersey to every match and how you’d made yourself fully at home in his life, in his house. The domesticity of the scene before him was breaking his heart. You. In his jumper. Making him breakfast. He almost couldn’t believe it.

Almost.

Jamie knew that’s just the kind of person you were; caring almost to a fault and more considerate of others then yourself. He was half waiting for you to spew out some apology for using his food to cook him breakfast.

When it never came, and it became clear you had yet to notice his presence in the room, he crossed the length of the kitchen, snaking his arms around your waist and laughing when you jumped back against him in surprise.

“Making breakfast for me, are you?” Jamie’s rested his chin In the crook of your neck, staring over your shoulder at the food you’d made him. The fact you’d remembered even the little things - like he only ate eggs scrambled, or that he liked his bacon extra crispy - made his heart absolutely melt. “You must love me.”

If only Jamie knew how right he was.

His arms stayed around your waist as you finished plating up the food. You’d grown used to the constant contact when you were around Jamie. While at first he’d presented himself as cold and standoffish, once you’d gotten your foot in the door of his heart, he pulled you in, locked the door behind you, and threw away the key. Everytime he was near you, you expected an arm around you; over your shoulders or around your waist, in the privacy of his living room or in the changing rooms, he was always holding onto you like a lifeline.

When you quietly announced that breakfast was finished, Jamie picked up his plate from the counter, pressing a quick succession of three kisses to the conjunction of your shoulder and your necks. Kissing you? Now that was new.

As Jamie made his way to his dining room table, you stood frozen against his counter top, hands gripping the edge of the counter so tight that your knuckles were turning white. How had he done that so casually and walked away like it was nothing? Jamie hadn’t seen anyone in a while so you knew it wasn’t out of habit and it was never something you’d done before so it wasn’t that either. Despite the kisses cause, you were scared shitless that Jamie had seen your reaction to it, knew you were in love with him, and now wanted nothing to do with you.

“You alright love?” Jamie called from behind you. You could hear his fork being placed back against the table and the scrape of his chair against the wooden floors. Jamie clearly loved you; and in whatever way that was, it was enough.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” As you went to take your own seat at the table, you passed him, running your fingers through his hair then taking the seat next to him. “Eat up, or your food will get cold j.”

“You got it, love.”

You promised yourself that you could thin about what it meant later, when you weren’t on his clothes and in his house. But until then, you ate breakfast with Jamie, both discussing the events of the previous night and ignoring the events of the morning.

[mouwrites]

hihi it’s the anon from the one req with the prime empire outfit thing :3 !! i was wondering if you could do something similar but with a reader who wakes up before them and makes them food ?? your writing is so munchable (positively)

Yaay good to have you back!!! I cannot express how joyous it makes me to know that people actually enjoy my silly scrawlings 🥹

Ninjago - Making Breakfast For the Ninjas

Kai

He is NOT a morning person

Definitely the type of guy to say “just five more minutes” like eight times before he finally drags himself out of bed

But when he wakes up to the smell of food…

And you’re not next to him…

He’s more than motivated to get up

He follows the smell into the kitchen, sighing to himself when he sees you at the stove

He approaches from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your neck

“Come back to bed, my sunshine.”

“You don’t want breakfast?”

“…keep cooking.”

He leans on you, half asleep while you finish frying some eggs and bacon

He’s still a little groggy while you eat together, but you can see him waking up the more he eats

You watch him carefully, watching for any signs that might indicate his opinion on your cooking

Polishing off his first plate, Kai blinks the rest of the sleepiness from his eyes

You make eye contact, both smiling softly

Your lips curl into a bigger grin when he asks for seconds

Still, you can’t help but tease:

“What about going back to bed?”

“Nah. I’m up now. Your amazing cooking has worked its magic on me.”

He smirks as you blush, grabbing his plate to get him another serving

Watching you, he can’t help but wonder how he got so lucky

Again, he’s not a morning person, but he’s discovered his new favorite way to wake up

Jay

When Jay wakes up, the first thing he does is check to see if you’re awake

He refuses to get out of bed unless you go with him, and he expects you to do the same

So when he wakes up and you’re not there, he’s a little offended

But then some worry starts to settle in

Did something happen? Surely that must be the case; why else would you break your routine?

Hauling himself out of bed, he hurries around the house, calling your name

He perks up when he hears your response in the kitchen

Dashing in, he stops dead in his tracks when he sees you alive and well, even smiling at him from your station at the stove

You perceive his worried expression, suddenly feeling a little guilty for abandoning him in bed

“Sorry, did I scare you? I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to surprise you with breakfast.”

He sighs in relief, assuring you that he’s just glad you’re okay

He starts rambling about his dream he had, taking a seat at the table while you finished grilling waffles

He doesn’t stop (aside from a quick “thanks”) when you set his plate in front of him

But when he takes his first bite, he freezes mid-sentence

“…is it okay..?”

“Oh my Borg. Y/n. You beautiful savant. This is amazing.”

You smile giddily as he shovels the food down his gullet

When he’s finished, he reclines in his chair satisfactorily

“This absolutely makes up for getting up before me. But next time let me wake up with you, okay?”

Cole

Cole could sleep through a category 5 hurricane

He certainly sounds like one when he snores

So it’s no surprise to him when he wakes up and you’re not there

Actually, that’s what he’s used to

He’ll lumber out of bed and make his way to the bathroom, where he’ll find you getting ready for the day

That’s how you start your day: one a tad later, but always together

When he goes to the bathroom and finds it empty, he’s baffled

He stands there for a solid minute, waiting for the grogginess to leave his head so he can think clearly

Before that happens, he’s enticed by the smell of pancakes

He follows the aroma to the kitchen, where two of his problems are solved

One, he’s found you

Two, you’re making breakfast, so his hunger will soon be satiated

He stands behind you, placing his burly arms and his chin on the top of your head

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

“Pancakes. You want butter and syrup?”

“Mmmm. You know me so well.”

He stays by your side while you cook, trying to keep the drool in his mouth

You make him a high stack of pancakes, which you both know he’ll absolutely destroy

Before he even takes his first bite, he’s already complimenting your cooking

The compliments keep flowing while he eats, bringing a flattered pinkness to your cheeks

When he’s done, he lets out a dreamy sigh, placing his chin on his palm, admiring you

“My partner’s drop-dead gorgeous and the best cook in the world. Wakes me up with pancakes. Pancakes!”

“Only because you deserve it.”

You share a sticky kiss that tastes like maple syrup, which silently prompts you both to go brush your teeth and get ready for the day

Zane

Zane's usually the one to wake up earlier and get breakfast started, so you'll have to be really early if you want to surprise him

He assumes you're just in the bathroom when he doesn't see you in bed, so he shrugs it off and heads to the kitchen

He blinks in shock when he sees you already there, setting the table with omelettes and toast

He hurries over to you, reaching out to take the butter from your hands, but you dodge him

"Nuh-uh, you just sit down."

He reluctantly obeys

While you eat, you can't help but notice his curious glances at you

Eventually he breaks the silence

"Why did you do this?"

"Because I love you. I wanted to treat you."

His gentle smile does little to express how touched he is

You know he's a man of few words, so just having him finish his plate is enough to tell you he liked the meal

You grin proudly to yourself as you gather the dishes

He absolutely insists on helping you clean up, will NOT take no for an answer

While you clean up together, he gives you constructive feedback on your cooking

He figures it'd be more valuable to you than just compliments

And of course it is; he's basically a master chef, and you're getting free advice

Lloyd

For Lloyd, having you by his side when he wakes up is a 50/50 chance

Sometimes he gets up first, sometimes you get up first

So he's not exactly surprised waking up alone

What does catch his attention is the sweet smell of cinnamon in the air

He breathes it in deeply, wondering where it could be coming from at such an early hour

Eventually he gets up to investigate, and to his surprise (and delight) there are fresh-baked cinnamon rolls on the stovetop

And who but his lovely s/o mixing cream cheese icing on the counter?

He leans over the pan of rolls, wafting the smell into his nose

The sound startles you, but you smile when you realize it's only Lloyd

"Good morning."

"Morning. Did you make these?"

"No. A bipedal horse dropped them off."

"Har-har. Well, they smell fantastic, love."

He practically begs you to let him help spread the icing

You later realize that he really just wanted to lick the spoon... and the bowl

You eat the rolls informally as you sit on the counter, not bothering to use plates

Your hands end up stickier than the rolls themselves

Giving up on licking your fingers, you finally decide to go wash up

While getting ready, Lloyd clings close to you, expressing his abundant gratitude

"The rolls were so so so good. Just like you; you're so good to me. I love you."

Apparently your gesture got him feeling all mushy, because you ended up spending the rest of the morning curled up together watching TV on the couch, receiving sporadic kisses on your hands and head

Nya

Nya likes waking up early, but she doesn't like to disturb you

She'll immediately switch to stealth-mode when she wakes up, silently slipping out of bed and into the bathroom

She doesn't even notice that you're not in bed; she's too focused on being quiet

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge, only to hear your voice:

"Hey, I made parfaits—"

"First Spinjitsu Master, Y/n!"

"Pfff—sorry, my flower! I didn't mean to scare you!"

If she wasn't awake before, she certainly was now

You decided to enjoy your yogurt parfaits while watching the sunrise

Spoon in one hand, Nya's hand in the other, you watched the sky grow brighter

Occasionally you would sneak a glance at your girlfriend, smiling to yourself at how beautiful she was, even after barely waking up

Little did you know she was doing the same

You continued to watch even after your parfaits were gone

Just as the sun peeked over the horizon, staining the sky a vibrant orange, you heard Nya say:

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She brought your hand to her mouth, placing a chaste kiss on your knuckles

"The parfait was delicious. Thank you."

"My pleasure. Should we go get ready now?"

"Let's watch the sunrise for a little longer."

Thank you sweet anon for this marvelous request! And thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! <33

(divider by saradika)

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 2

Hey, guys! Part two has arrived. A little bit of Steve whump in this one.

Part 1

***

The next morning saw Wayne waking the two boys up at a little after five with coffee and breakfast.

Steve stood, leaning against the counter cup of coffee in his hand in a mug that proudly stated “Not a Morning Person”. He had mindlessly choked down breakfast on sheer auto-pilot and had poured a second cup of coffee while he wait for Wayne and Eddie to eat their bacon and scrambled eggs.

“I thought you’d be used to waking up this early,” Eddie said with a feral grin. “You know, having to be up for your sports stuff.”

“I didn’t know you played a sport, Steve,” Wayne said, directing the conversation away from Eddie’s teasing.

Steve stuck his tongue out at Eddie. “Technically three. Baseball, swim, and basketball. Stopped baseball when I got into high school because practice was the same afternoons as swim, and I was better at that so...”

“Just tell me you aren’t a Bulls fan I’ll let you on this trip,” Wayne teased.

Eddie looked at his uncle, scandalized. “Why do you get to tease him and I don’t?”

Steve laughed. “Not a Bulls fan. Pacer fan all the way.”

Wayne nodded sagely. “You’ll do.”

Steve laughed again. “The reason he gets to tease me and you don’t, was you were mocking my jock-ness and he was asking about which team I liked in a teasing matter. Two completely different things.”

Eddie ducked his head and began pushing his food around on his plate. Steve twisted his head down to try and see around the curtain of curls.

“Hey,” he said gently. “I know you weren’t serious. I didn’t mean to call you out like that. Not in your own house. That was rude. I’m sorry.”

Eddie just half shrugged.

Steve sighed and put his mug on the counter. He walked over to his friend and put his arms around his shoulders, just holding him.

After a minute or two Eddie relaxed back into Steve’s arms. “I’m sorry, too. I wasn’t trying to make fun of you for being a jock. I was just surprised you weren’t all perky and cheerful first thing in the morning. It was more about a you thing and less about it being a sports thing.”

Steve hugged him tighter. “Okay. Just so you’re aware, I got hopelessly teased for being a grouch first thing in the morning on every team I’ve ever been on.”

Eddie tilted his head back so he could see Steve’s face. “Duly noted. Still, I’m sorry.”

Steve nodded. “You can be the chipper morning person, and I’ll be the grumpy one, okay?”

Eddie chuckled. “Sounds like a deal.”

Wayne decided that moment to clear his throat. “If you two boys are done, I’d like to get on the road, please.”

Steve stepped back and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Just let me finish this cup and I’ll be ready to drive.”

Eddie got up and pulled out a small styrofoam cup from the pantry. “We keep these on hand for when Wayne gets called in to work a double.” He poured Steve’s coffee into it and put on a lid. “There. Now you can sip on your coffee and I’ll drive until you’re awake enough to.”

Steve blinked at him a moment and then nodded, gingerly taking the cup from him. “Thanks.”

Once they got out to of the vehicle Wayne pulled out a map. He pointed to a speck on the side of the road. “This is a truck stop. We will stop there and refuel and stretch our legs. No matter who gets there first does not move on until the other one shows up. Am I clear?”

Eddie and Steve nodded.

“I have no desire to show up on Aunt Penny’s doorstep without you,” Eddie said fiercely.

Wayne chuckled. “She might think you done me in to get a big cut of the inheritance.”

“She absolutely would,” he agreed. “See you in three hours!”

Wayne smiled and swatted Eddie with the now folded up map. “Go on. Get!”

Eddie and Steve laughed all the way to the BMW. Steve slid into the passenger seat and buckled in. He held the coffee tightly in both hands. Eddie had just gotten in the car, when Steve called, “Wait!”

Eddie looked at him strangely.

“I forgot to call Robin!” He handed the cup of coffee to Eddie and scrambled out the car.

Eddie shook his head and tossed Steve the keys so he could get back into their house for him to call Robin.

He was back out in two minutes mumbling apologies to Wayne and Eddie as he got back into the bimmer.

Eddie and Wayne shared an amused glance before they got back into their vehicles.

Once they were both back in the car, Eddie handed him back his coffee.

“Thanks,” he murmured. “She would have killed me when I got back.”

Eddie chuckled. “Yeah she would have. But you remembered in time and that’s what matters.”

Steve nodded hands curling around his coffee. As Eddie backed out of the driveway he spotted a cooler on the back seat. Once they were on the road, he asked about it.

Steve blushed. “I remembered that when I was little and we’d go on road trips we would always have drinks and snacks for the journey. So we have cans of soda in there as well as some cookies and stuff.”

“Homemade?” Eddie asked with a grin.

Steve sighed. “Sadly not, I didn’t have time. I hope store bought will do.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Stevie,” Eddie soothed.

Once they were down the road and Steve was more awake, he reached back and pulled the cooler up front.

He handed Eddie an orange Crush and took a can of Coke for himself. He opened the bag of cookies and offered them to him.

“Fudge Stripe cookies?” Eddie asked with a fond smile. “What made you pick those?” He took two and took a bite of one.

Steve held the cooler on his lap and looked down into it mournfully. “It’s what we would take on our roads trips when we’d visit Nana.”

Eddie blinked a moment. He was the one that supposed to be grieving but seemed like this trip stirred something up in Steve, too.

“You want to visit her while we’re close?” Eddie asked. It was only a two hour trip, he had made longer trips to Indy for the latest D&D guide.

Steve shook his head. “Don’t tell Keith, but she died when I was seven. It’s how we were able to afford living in Loch Nora.”

Eddie glanced over at Steve a moment before he turned back to the road. “You’re weren’t always super rich?”

“No,” he murmured, still clinging to the cooler. “I’m not sure what we were, to be honest. My dad made good money. We had a nice house in Indy where we lived until Nana died and a nice car.

“You really are full of depths, Stevie.”

Steve scoffed, Eddie had said something similar yesterday. “I guess.”

“Appreciate you coming with,” Eddie said, “but I can’t help but feel like this bringing up lots of bad memories for you.”

Steve put the cooler down between his legs. “She left my mom a lot of money. Like proper life changing money. Only instead of making things better, it only served to show how badly matched my parents really were.” He twisted his hands together nervously.

“My dad started sleeping around. My mom started drinking herself into oblivion and then when she saw that my dad paid for an abortion for his secretary’s twenty year old daughter, she started going with him on trips to make sure he kept in his pants. I grew up not having to want for any material thing, but I was still old enough to remember what life was like before the money. I think that’s why I always envied you.”

“Me?” Eddie squeaked. “I lived in the poorest part of town, dealing drugs to make sure the power stayed on and you envied me?”

Steve nodded. “It sounds so twisted, but you had Wayne. I used to imagine that I had a uncle somewhere. Kentucky, Chicago, New York. England sometimes. That he would hear of my neglect and abuse and sweep in like an avenging angel and take me away.”

“Shit, dude,” Eddie said thickly. “You’re going to make me cry.”

Steve pinched his nose and rubbed the end. “Sorry. I think this trip is a bit for me too. To final grieve the life I could have had...had she lived a little while longer.”

He reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. “We’ll still take a trip to visit her grave, okay?”

Steve let out a shaky breath. “Thanks, man.”

“Was she who you were thinking about when you called Keith?”

He shook his head. “I miss her. But no, that’s not who it was.”

Eddie glanced at him again and decided not to pump him for that tidbit. He could tell whoever it was, their death had really hurt Steve in a way that left a deep scar. One that hadn’t healed right.

He turned on the radio and just let it fill the silence between them.

About an hour into their trip, Eddie looked over to see that Steve had slumped against the window and had fallen back to sleep. He smiled fondly at him.

It wasn’t just anyone who drop everything in his life to take a road trip to the last place he had been happy, knowing that place had been a person like Eddie’s own grandma. Eddie always knew Steve and he were more alike than what appeared on the surface, but this trip was starting to be an eye opener in the worst way about just how similar they were.

He made a vow then and there that he would be there for Steve like he was there for him. Robin was good, great even. But she had loving parents who deeply cared for her and didn’t understand what it was like when someone who should love you, just didn’t.

So he would be that shoulder to cry on for Steve, someone who understood far too well.

***

Pt 3|Pt 4|Pt 5|Pt 6|Pt 7|Pt 8|Pt 9|Pt 10|Pt 11|Pt 12

Just...about Eddie and Steve's interaction at breakfast, grief can make you stupid. They're just bumping against each others wounds old and new and learning how to navigate all that. They'll get there, I promise.

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @goodolefashionedloverboi @messrs-weasley @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @littlewildflowerkitten @vecnuthy @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn

[derww]

DAY 9: TRIO

Zam knows he is done the moment he touches his hair and feels something firm. He checks by leaning over the nearest puddle of water, and it's barely noticeable, but even now you can already see the small black horns. He easily guesses that later they will start to twist. At that point, he was speaking with Subz every day for two weeks straight. Only two weeks.

It's not like there was even anything special. He got up in the morning, took half of the battle kit, and went to spawn and placed the dirt for twelve hours in a row. And Subz was just there, i guess. They were working together, swapped shulkers with each other from time to time, and gave comms about the amount of dirt in the chest and which parts they had finished. Sure, sometimes they spoke – often it was just Zam asking and Subz answering tho – but it shouldn't have affected so much. He felt alone enough to get attached to not even his ally if they were ready to kill Leviathan. And Subz was. Best fucking choice ever.

Subz was kind to him. He forgiven him, reassured him, helped him. He was easy to love and care. Someone is doing things that have to be done just because no one else would. It was... so generous and strange for the Lifesteal, but so understandable from ItzSubz_, the man who got his best friend by giving out hearts and taking one really strange guy and his cat-maid as a refugee.

The horns grow by almost a centimeter in three days. They thicken at the base and are now noticeable even under the hair. It would be funny if I were poisoned by a corruption instead, he thinks idly. I've always wanted to get chronic pain as a bonus to friendship.

Always all-knowing Planet giggles at him and says that he is a weakling. Bacon mumbles that there is always something wrong with him. Subz says nothing. He just nods, gives him a dirt shulker, asks how he is, says where hes going today, and goes to work.

"Is there something you deeply regret?", Zam asks after his first shulker of dirt ends. "Of course",  Subz answers, "it's inevitable". "How are you dealing with this?" – "I know I can't change anything that already happened and can only be better further in the line," – "But what if its something so bad you can't even accept that you did it?" – "To move on. Its not like there is any more choices".

It's not like he is wrong. But he is – atleast in some way. Zam doesnt say that. He still thinks about the dupe war sometimes. Sometimes he thinks that he could stop all of it if he was smarter. Sometimes he thinks that Spoke would do something destructive anyway, and he never was able to actually outplay him.

"Are you scared?" Subz suddenly asks. Zam pauses for a minute, just staring at the communicator. "Not anymore," he lies, "I was, but it's better now." "That's nice. You are on the right way.".

They're working until late tonight. Even when Subz finally gives up, having not slept for at least a day, Zam stays, and Subz hands over the remaining dirt to him before disappearing into the night. He works until he has no blocks left. And then he just stares at the sky, sitting on the hill he just made. Stars are beautiful tonight. And the moon lacks only a crescent to become full-fledged.

It's... peaceful. This is what he wanted, making The Sanctuary his new home. It's unfortunate that it only brought more problems in the end. Back then, he really only wanted a quiet life alone.

He sleeps in the New Silvington today. It's still blown up, but it's warm and quite down there. This time, memories with Walter soothe him. It's like he had a home again.

When he wakes up, his horns are half of the original length. And Zam feels so, so stupid.

He gets only a few quiet days until Mapicc and Ro show up, and he messages Subz because he has no choice.

Subz comes and covers his back. It's a good thing. By the time Zam enters the Eclipse, the similarity between them is already absolutely obvious. 

– Do you gave yourself this shit? – Subz just asks him one day.

– Kinda, yeah, – he agrees.

– Okay, if you like them. – Subz shrugs and instantly distracts from the topic. Zam stares at him for almost another minute.

He sees Vitalasy the first time after joining only after two weeks of being there, and Vi looks busy and tired, but he's still smiling, and he hugs Subz and, later – Zam. His hands are soft and warm. He feels himself very, very weak.

Vi stays with them in the base under the snow for a week. He helps them fight, brings golden apples, and cooks them sweet cakes. He accepts Zam into the team with an ease – smiles to him, covers his back, tells personal stories, and falls asleep on his shoulder, feeling safe next to him. Vi leaves shortly after, having just too big of a plan and too much of a work.

The next day, Zam already has fox ears.  

[possessionisamyth]

exactly one person asked for a men's list when it came to my cooking headcanons list for the ladies so here ya go!

Chris Redfield- Actually a decent home cook because he was old enough to want to give Claire some of their mom's cooking when he could. Unfortunately, any time he tries a new recipe for the first time he burns it. The second or third time things come out fine, but the first time he does something new he's opening windows to let out the pan smoke or returning to coals in the oven.

Barry Burton- His wife does all the cooking as he's hopeless in the kitchen, but since they got married she's never had to wash a single dish. He always made sure there's a working dishwasher in their house for when he's away too long to do his usual chore.

Albert Wesker- Can make the fanciest looking food in the world. We're talking Michelin star $100 a plate in appearance only. His dishes have zero flavor. They taste. No one understands how this happens.

Leon Kennedy- Breakfast King. I know the line in damnation is too overused, but breakfast is actually the easiest way to start learning how to cook. Box mix pancakes, bacon, sausage, and eggs, all require him to put something in a pan on low to medium heat with some oil and poke it around until it's done. There's little effort exerted in monitoring since that's half his real job anyway. Of course it translates to cooking. He's perfected the timing. Everything else is take-out though.

Carlos Oliveira- He had no idea how to cook until he got out of Raccoon City and went home to his family. He tried learning from his mama, but she'd always take the knife or pan from him, so he learned from a sibling and is pretty good at it. He makes a lot of marinades, so the blender is his friend.

Luis Serra Navarro- Absolutely under no circumstances does this man belong in a kitchen. He will concoct the most wretched smelling health food that's full of vitamins, minerals, and "a healthy dash of vinegar for flavor". He's wonderful to have at the dinner table, but never at the stove. Makes a real tasty cup of coffee though.

Jack Krauser- For some ungodly reason, this man can take someone's most hated foods and make them taste good. No idea what the hell he does to it as he will kick everyone out of the kitchen until he's done, but he's just like that. Barely cooks not because he hates it, but because he has to be in the mood.

Piers Nivans- He's the king of the grill. Will lecture anyone in earshot about the important difference between gas, charcoal, or wood when it comes to maintaining the flavor of the meat. He also believes salt and pepper are all you need for a great burger which must be cooked to medium at the hottest lest it lose it's tenderness.

Jake Muller- Salads, smoothies, and overnight oats, he's the one making meals that are able to be eaten fast or on the go. Fruit counts as a dessert to him. He does enjoy experimenting by eating the "weird" or most unfriendly tourist foods while he travels so he has something to brag about, even though he could never figure out how to cook any of it himself.

Ethan Winters- He tries his best. He'll help Mia in the kitchen with food prep or clean up. He makes good dips for chips, has a delicious cookie recipe, and researched how to make baby food for when Rosemary stopped being breastfed. This somehow translated into him figuring out how to make very good custards and parfaits. Although, he got super frustrated trying to figure out how to make bread and has given up the fight.

i will happily do this again for any characters not on either of my lists since i love cooking and baking, and this is fun to think about

[smolthealmighty]

Even the Losers Get Lucky Sometimes

This might be the fastest I ever wrote a fic, and it was for Spinner's birthday (happy birthday to the boy)! For those not in the know, 4 is an unlucky number in Japan, while 8 is considered to be a lucky one. Take the fact that Shigaraki was born on the 4th day of the 4th month and Spinner was born on the 8th day of the 8th month and...

“None of this canned stuff look appetizing. How about we try cannibalism? Moonfish did and he turned out fine!” Toga declared as she tossed another can of miso-mackerel from the top shelf of the empty cabin’s kitchen pantry over her shoulder.

“Great idea!” Twice agreed as he searched the bottom shelf, then quickly countered, “Not all of us have quirks that allow us to consume human viscera!”

“If we’re being serious then I nominate Spinner to be our meal.” Dabi proposed, as he kicked the discarded mackerel can into the next room.

“Hey what did I do?!” cried Spinner as he nearly tripped over the can.

“Absolutely not, no one’s eating anyone, and especially not Spinner,” Tomura said as he paused his raid of the kitchen cabinets, “Honestly you can’t resort to cannibalism just because you hate canned mackerel.”

“Why not? C’mon look at how much meat he’s got on those bones!” Dabi exclaimed as he grabbed and presented one of Spinner’s arms, “There’s enough protein on one bicep to feed us for a week!” Spinner yelped in response and yanked his arm back, sending Dabi stumbling from the sudden momentum.

“Because Spinner’s the good luck charm that’s why! Now stop thinking about cannibalism and start actually looking for food in here.”

“No need, I found the jackpot!” Mr. Compress called out from the basement, presenting his findings as he reached the top of the stairs. “Behold, mitsumame with pomegranates for Toga, honey mustard-flavored bacon for Twice, and while I couldn’t find soba noodles, I did find gyudon for you Dabi, so you can start building meat on your own bones.” Twice and Toga grabbed the cans out of Mr. Compress’s hands and started fighting over the lone can opener. Dabi rolled his eyes, but accepted his can anyway.

As the League retired to the living room to eat their fill before planning their next move, Tomura and Spinner headed down the stairs to grab their own basement meals.

“Hey, thanks for taking me off the potential menu,” Spinner said, as he and Tomura reached the bottom, “But I’m confused about what you said earlier. Why am I the good luck charm?”

Tomura turned towards him, an incredulous look on his face as if the answer was obvious, then replied, “My birthday is April 4th and yours is August 8th.”

“Um… happy birthday? Wait that’s not for at least another half a year! What does your birthday have to do with this? Better yet, what does MY birthday have to do with this?!”

Tomura sighed, and explained, “Because I was born in the unluckiest day, and you were born on the luckiest one.”

If Spinner’s expression had been one of confusion before it escalated to one of bewilderment now, so Tomura figured he had better clarify his thought process further.

“Okay look. My life sucked to put it lightly. I dunno exactly what happened before meeting Master, but I assume it was traumatic enough that my brain wiped it out of my memory. Hell when I really think about it, even the time I’ve spent under him was kinda shitty. I only started having actual good things happen after I fully formed the League, right about the time we first met you know. Maybe things aren’t the greatest, but it’s like your inherent lucky numbers cancels my unlucky ones out, leaving things okay and manageable rather than an endless barrage of game overs.”

“That’s… that’s honestly the nicest thing I’ve heard directed at me in a while so thanks,” Spinner said, his cheeks visibly warming, “but I wouldn’t consider myself to be ‘lucky���, not after what I’ve been through.”

Tomura paused for a minute, a look of intense internal focus taking over his face, then said, “Well, maybe I’m lucky to have met you.” Spinner’s face warmed further, but a contagious smile spread across his face too, and the pair of villains fell into comfortable silence as they surveyed the endless options of preserved food on the shelves.

Suddenly, Tomura perked up and asked, “Hey, wanna know why I recruited you?”

Spinner startled at the abrupt change in topic but nodded anyway.

“Ok. I know you arrived 10 minutes early and used the extra time to psych yourself into entering the bar,” Spinner let out squeaks of embarrassment as Tomura continued without acknowledging them, “I could hear you mumbling through the door while I was grabbing more Mountain Dew-”

“You had Mountain Dew by the door?”

“Secret stash, not important and do not tell Kurogiri next time you see him. Point is, I heard you quoting Ambrosio’s final monologue from Blight Upon the Righteous and… yeah, my mind was made up before you walked in.”

Spinner stood with his mouth agape for a full ten seconds before bursting into laughter, one part disbelieving and one part utterly giddy.

“You decided to hire me because I quoted an old RPG?”

Tomura squirmed a bit but affirmed, “Yeah, I guess the reasoning sounds stupid out loud, and to be fair learning that you knew how to wield a sword definitely sweetened the deal, but I liked the idea of having someone on the team who I could talk on equal terms with for once. It’s a change of pace from talking up to Master or talking down to a bunch of faceless grunts, and even then, its only ever about the next big scheme.”

By then, Spinner’s chuckling had subsided and his smile had turned into a look of soft admiration, encouraging Tomura to admit one last thing.

“Spinner, you’re the only person I know who I can act like a 20-year-old with and still take me seriously afterwards. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.”

“It’s nothing that special”, Spinner claimed, “Don’t you do the exact same thing for me?”

Feeling his own face break out into a blush at the realization, Tomura turned back towards the shelf to pick his choice of lunch, but not before letting Spinner see that his answer made him smile.

“Still,” Spinner continued, “that was one hell of a gamble you took on me.”

“If recruiting you was a gamble,” Tomura replied, handing Spinner a can of nikujaga that matched his own, “then I won the jackpot.”

[foolstower]

Pomegranates & Brunch

Elliot x reader (Stardew valley)

A/n: obsessed with the dew rn

Pomegranates.

A peculiar little fruit that you didn't much care for until you moved to Stardew valley. Cracking one open you could see it's ruby red seeds gleam under the sunlight. Maybe he'll come by today. He'll ask, how are you? With a smile. His voice carries with the wind and draws your attention each time. You try to say something different each day. Hoping one of the topics will keep him around longer than usual. But it's always ends the same.

You give him a pomegranate. Like you have everyday this fall.

Picking two more pomegranates from the tree, you gingerly place them in the woven basket you were using to harvest all of your produce today.

It's been two seasons since you moved to the valley and you never would have guessed that the tree growing on your property would bear such beautiful fruit. When you first got here you noticed this tree was one of the few well kept things on the property. You soon found out that one of the valleys locals had been making trips out to the farm since he'd moved here. He said it was the only place close that he could get pomegranates anymore, so he'd come out and make sure the tree was doing ok. He came by when you moved in to ask if he could buy the fruits from you since you'd be living there from now on. You'd told him not to worry about it, he was more than welcome to stop by in the fall and take as many as he wanted, it could be a way of thanking him for keeping it healthy for so long.

but it was only half the truth. You were mesmerized from the moment you met him. He can take whatever he wants.

Continuing on to the barns, you promptly gave you're cows some amaranth you had stored away and a pat on the head. Then you made your way over to the coops to gathered eggs. Maybe you'll make breakfast this morning? Fresh eggs didn't sound so bad with a side of toast and some bacon. Your stomach started growling just thinking about it. That's what happens when you skip breakfast in favor of brunch to get things done early. You tried to ignore the slightly queezy feeling in your gut and continued on. The plan was to make a trip to Pierre's for some more pumpkin seeds before you notice a ginger head at the entrance of your farm.

You started your slow trek towards him, basket heavier now that it contained more items and the heat was sweltering. He looked more casual today, in a beige knitted sweater and jeans. His demeanor seemed more lax too. Did something good happen?

The breeze felt amazing once you made it to the steps of your home. Elliot met you there and you both took a seat together. You placed the basket down next to you and couldn't stop the yawn that released now that you'd finally relaxed.

"You look absolutely exhausted. Are you alright?" He asked, concern laced in every word. You turned to face him, and smiled. He was right, you were in fact extremely tired. The only thing keeping you going was a coffee break you had an hour ago.

"I'll be ok. I skipped breakfast this morning, but I was actually about to go inside soon and cook up something." You said. You looked at the eggs and milk in your basket and briefly fantasized about what kind of omelette you could make. When you looked back at Elliot he was staring at the basket too seemingly deep in thought. You quirked a brow. What's he thinking about?

"If its ok.. will you allow me to cook for you today?" The offer floated around in the air for a minute while you triple checked if you heard that right. "Listen, I know I mostly use these hands for writing but I'd like to think I'm a pretty good cook too." He said confidently. "Plus you've been a pleasure to be around since you got here. Let me thank you." He added, voice borderlining a teaseing tone. You blushed at that but more at the fact that he would be coming into your house. You can't remember if it was clean. Did you wash the dishes? How could he cook if the dishes are dirty... Oh well if anything you can just clean as he cooks. Plus how could you pass up a home cooked meal from the man of your dreams?

"Ok! I think I would like that actually." You say finally convinced. Standing up from your spot on the steps, you make your way toward the door. You leave the watering can next to the porch and pick up the basket. "Sorry if my place is a mess." You half mumbled as you grabbed the door knob and opened it up.

"Algae literally grows on my floorboards y/n."

"Touche."

Upon entering your home you noticed that the dishes were in fact dirty but it wasn't a mountain by any means. There were still clean pans and other utensils to be able to cook effectively.

"You have a very welcoming home, it's definitely yours." He admired, observing the various pieces of art on the wall and potted plants scattered around every possible area. It was cute.

"Thank you. I've always loved these things and didn't know I would find so many gems in the Valley." You fondly think of the traveling merchant. She's introduced you to so many things since being here.

"I wish I would've known, there's so many things I've seen that would fit perfectly in here." He thought back to all the things hes seen that's reminded him of you since meeting. You're so nice and he's been wanting to return the favor for all the gift you've given him. "Sorry I got sidetracked, two fridges? Which one should I use?" He questioned.

"I keep most things in the big fridge but if you need something else check the mini fridge." You told him as you picked up the sponge near the sink and lathered it up with soap. Turning on the faucet you started washing the spoons and forks. Elliot came up to the right of you and after a few clicks from the gas stove, it lit up. He placed a pan on top of the burner and then started to gather his ingredients from the fridge. He already looked handsome without trying but seeing him in the coziness of your home, cooking for you, made him undeniably more attractive.

You looked back at the dishes in your hands and started washing the plates. Thoughts of what it'd be like to have him in your life doing this everyday danced through your head. A soft grin sat comfortably on your face. You could hear the soft clinks of a metal fork hitting the bottom of a glass bowl as he stired eggs, milk and other seasoning into the mix. You didn't notice that he had tied his hair back into a loose ponytail and rolled his sleeves up to his elbow.

You put away the last dish and dried your hands. The kitchen was starting to smell delicious as he chopped up some spinach to put in the omelette that he had cooking in one of the skillets. Bacon was now sizzling on a second pan and a loaf of bread sitting to the side to get toasted later. You put on some coffee and grabbed two red cups from your pantry. After waiting about a ten minutes, poured two cups and placed them at the kitchen table and took a seat. A book sat on the table that Elliot had given you a few weeks ago. When you had first gotten 'Camellia Station' you were non-stop reading but as summer ended and fall began you had gotten too busy to wrap it up. Taking a sip of the coffee, you grabbed it and opened it up to where you had left off. There were only a few more chapters until the end.

It wasn't long before a plate was gracefully placed in front of you. An omelette that took up half of the dish, a few pieces of bacon, and two pieces of toast with butter spread on top. Green leaves were mixed into a soft fluffy yellow, freshly shredded cheese oozed from the center. You closed the book and sat it back in its place.

"Wow Elliot... This looks amazing!" You cheered. Your stomach started growling on cue as Elliot sat down in the seat opposite of you. A soft pink coated his cheeks at the compliment making you gush on the inside.

"It's not a problem at all, I hope it tastes as good as it looks." He nervously chuckled. He'd never really cooked for others since moving here. With no kitchen in his cabin and no one to really cook for there was never a need to go out of his way to do something like that. But after all you've helped him with he hoped that it came out at least ok.

You cut into the omelette a took the first bite. His hopes came true. The omelette was perfectly cooked, seasoned, and the cheese melted perfectly. You would dare say this is the best damned omelette you've ever had.

Elliot was pleased with what he saw. The look of pure satisfaction on your face was all the thanks he needed to be able to dig into his own omelette. His wasn't as perfect as yours was, considering his was the practice trial before making the the other one. It was still just as good however.

Though Elliot wasn't lying when he said he was making this breakfast to thank you for hanging out with him, he was also here to thank you for something else. Within the time span of knowing you he'd never experienced such a rush of creativity. Before he knew it he'd written a whole book by the end of summer. That very same book was now being recognized worldwide and he thought he should come clean about how exactly he got the idea for this novel.

"That was so goooood." You sighed looking at the empty plate Infront of you. Your stomach that used to be churning was now full and you felt like you had enough energy to power you into tomorrow.

Elliot chuckled softly and took a sip of his coffee before sitting it back down on the table. "Thank you, I'm glad it was to your liking." He glanced at his also empty plate as you picked them both up and took them to the sink. He debated how he should even bring the topic up. So many ways he could say this but none of them sounded right for you.

"Elliot, you ok? You seem deep in thought." You prodded. He had an elbow on the table with his cheek resting on the back of his fingers. His brows were knitted together but relaxed once his gaze landed on you.

"Im fine but if I'm being honest I did come here with other intentions." He said his olive green eyes stared at you for a second before continuing. "I need to confess something to you." He admitted.

Taking your place back in your seat, you gave him a questioning look. A confession?

"Oh? What about?" You said trying to hide the nervousness in your throat.

"Well, you've been a great inspiration to me, and I did come over today to thank you but not just for hanging out with me." He said gesturing to the book sitting on the center of the table. "Camellia station. It's a book I always had a general idea about. I knew how I wanted it to go but I never knew how to take it there." He said picking it up from the center of the table. "it actually wasn't until the beginning of this year that I was able to find the motivation to write it..... It was when I met you." He stated, Absolutely loving the scarlet that coated your cheeks at that last bit.

"When you met me?" The only thing on your mind.

"Yes, I met you and your presence brought a wave of complex feelings that helped me write this novel." He confirmed. He flipped to a page in the book and read one of the paragraphs aloud.

"Gozman had never met someone quite like Clara before. She had a certain allure that had her on his mind night and day. She was a hard worker with a kind soul and took time out of her busy life to always chat with him when he travelled. He doubt she knew considering she was a busy woman. But whenever he'd book his flights he'd always try and book her's. She brightened up his life a little and he found himself wanting to be around her more and more each passing moment." He read to you. His voice was soothing and deep. You stared on in wonder. Confused on where this was going but liking it none the less. This is the longest he's stayed around before and you don't mind one bit.

He closed the book and held it in his hands, reminiscing all the other lines he wrote with you in the back of his mind. His muse, you were a drop of fresh water that allowed his creative soul to blossom again. In his mind he would never be able to really make up for just how much you've truly helped him.

"You were the one on my mind when I wrote that paragraph. When I think of you, I get unusually creative. You've really helped me open up more as a writer and describe things in a way I never have before." He said. "I'm sorry if this is coming on too strong but I think you know what I'm trying to say. Don't you y/n?" He said taking your hand in his, he gently rubbed the top of your knuckles. This definitely wasn't his plan when he came over but here was no backing out now.

"Do I know what you're trying to say?" You asked. Half a tease and also genuine. Now was not the time to make any wrong assumptions. But how wrong could the assumption be when he's rubbing comforting circles into your acheing hand? He smiled.

"It means I like you. I haven't known you for even a year, yet you've inspired one of my greatest works. You're charming and I can't help but feel invigorated when you're around." He gave you're hand a comforting squeeze as you stared at him in disbelief. "I didn't come here with a bouquet but I would be honored if you'd be mine." He finishes looking up at you.

You're a mess. You don't know what to say, not that you don't accept his confession but how do you react to that? You're heart was racing so fast that the adrenaline was making you shake a bit. This made Elliot look at you with a bit of worry. Maybe he did come on too strong?

"I-im sorry I didn't mean to-"

"I love you!!" You blurted out. Immediately you covered your mouth you can't believe you just did that but you saw how worried he looked and that was the quickest way you could think to dissolve those fears. He looked at you shocked, not even he expected such a bold proclamation from you. You quickly gathered yourself and continued. "I think I knew I liked you too when I started obsessively harvesting pomegranates to give to you. I didn't know how else to convey my feelings for you, but knew you loved these fruits so I took extra care of the tree and harvested it's fruit everyday." You said finally confessing your feelings to him as well. You both relaxed. You stood up and headed to the woven basket where the pomegranates you picked this morning still rested and picked out the biggest one of the two. You made your way back and stood in front on Elliot, offering him the fruit.

"I don't have a bouquet either. But you can take this pomegranate from me again today, as a sign of my affection for you. Like it always has been." You softly stated to him. He took it from your hand and softly set it on the table next to the book before standing up and holding your hands, his right hand trailed up your arm to cradle your face.

"I love you too, my skills with words are unmatched but I can't think of any ways to properly tell you thank you enough." His hand gently slid down your cheek slightly and his thumb traced over your lips. "Allow me to show you?" He whispered. You answered by closing the gap. Your lips melted together like they belonged to each other. Your hands made it up to his chest and his made their way to your hips. He gave them a firm squeeze and backed you up against the table. A soft sound escaped the back of your throat and he lifted you onto the table. your arms were wrapped around his neck and he had a hand still on your hip and the other on your thigh when you finally broke the kiss. You both sighed trying to catch your breathes. Red dusted both of your faces, he definitely wasn't going home anytime soon.

"You're gonna stay and cook dinner too right? I can make it worth your while." You said hand coming down to trail suggestive circles on his chest. He blushed but softly laughed.

"Anything for you my dear, anything you want."

[the-bar-sinister]

Doflamingo's 11th Birthday (1606 words) by Dave Strider Chapters: 1/1

Summary:Doflamingo celebrates his 11th birthday with his new family. It's the first birthday celebration he's had in years, and the other members of his gang are all eager to make it a happy one.

-

By the standards of later Donquixote parties the first year they celebrated Doffy's birthday was incredibly tame. At the time, however, Doffy hadn't had a birthday party in three years– a third of his life and half of his memory. He might not have remembered the day himself except that Trebol had asked about it several months prior, and Doffy had almost surprised himself by remembering the date.

Trebol had smiled, and written something down in his notes. By the time the actual day came, Doffy had mostly forgotten about the incident in the excitement of their various criminal activities.

-

Diamante woke Doffy up with breakfast in bed. Soft boiled eggs, buttered toast, and thick slices of bacon cooked until the edges were barely crisp.The smell of charred meat got under Doffy's skin ever since he'd been burned by the mob, and Dia sure as hell wasn't going to ruin his appetite on his birthday.

"This is delicious! You're an amazing cook!" Doffy beamed widely up at him, eating carefully as Dia held the plate kneeling by his bedside.

"Aw, I'm not that good." Dia countered bashfully. "But I'm glad you like it."

"You're going to argue with me on my birthday?" Doffy looked up at him plaintively. His eyes were hidden behind the same dark lenses he always wore, but the puppy-dog look was as unmistakable as it was unendurable. "I said you're a fantastic cook!"

Dia's face was heating up. "Aw, don't pout, Doffy! I'm okay…"

Doffy swallowed his last bite of egg, and poked him in the chest with the tines of his fork. "Just okay?"

"Alright, alright. Can't argue with you, so I guess I must be fantastic." Dia laughed and rustled Doffy's hair. "C'mon, breakfast ain't the only thing you get for your birthday."

-

Pica cornered Doffy while the others were getting ready to take him out on the town. It wasn't that he felt embarrassed about the little gift he had for Doffy, though he did think that he deserved something much better, but he was more comfortable giving it to him alone.

"It's for you," he said quietly, presenting the gift to him. It wasn't wrapped. Instead, Pica offered it to him grasped tightly between his two hands.

Doffy's smile was curious and delighted as he put his hands on Pica's and 'opened' them, as if opening a box. His smile widened when he saw it, and Pica's heart skipped a beat.

"Did you make this?" He picked the little figure up and turned it back and forth, marveling at it.

It was a stone figure of Doflamingo, every feature as perfect as Pica could make it after spending many long days and hours just happily studying the other boy's face. The little statue wore a crown like a king, and held a sword aloft in triumph. Pica had seen the pose in a newspaper comic.

Doffy squeezed the figure in his hand and threw his arms around Pica.

"I love it!"

-

"It's your birthday, Doffy, and you get anything you want," Trebol promised as he buttoned up his shirt for him with his soft, nimble fingers. 

Doffy could do it by himself, but Trebol had insisted that he shouldn't have to lift a finger on his special day. Not that Trebol wouldn't, and didn't, do it just about any other day he could. Indulging Doffy was one of his personal vices, and he wasn't going to miss an opportunity.

"Really? Anything?" Doffy looked up at him, their glasses mirroring back at one another.

"Absolutely anything for you, Doffy."

Once Trebol was finished straightening Doffy's shirt, Doffy threw his arms around him and threads tugged Trebol's arms around him in return. Not that he needed the encouragement to hold him. 

"This is already the best birthday I can really remember." Doffy's voice was unusually soft, and Trebol heard the hint of a choked up tremor at the back of it.

"Hey, hey, don't cry, young master!" He nuzzled his face against the top of Doffy's head. "We'll make sure you forget about anything sad. It's your birthday, and every birthday you have with us is going to be the best birthday ever."

-

The town that they were operating out of at the moment was large enough to have a nice restaurant– an actually fancy one– and Trebol had booked a reservation for Doffy's birthday. 

It was the highest class of establishment any of them had yet been in, save probably for Doffy himself, and despite having dressed their best it was immediately obvious that they didn't belong. People stared. At their table manners. At their loud, rough voices. At their unusual, ungainly appearances. 

Trebol pretended not to notice. It was Doffy's birthday and he deserved the best that there was on offer. 

They had the money, after all. Trebol had given the clerk at the counter a lot of money-– first when he made the reservation, and now tonight when he seated them-– with the understanding that the staff would treat Doffy as the highly honored guest that he was. 

And to their credit, the staff had performed admirably. Trebol had no complaints about the staff who were quick and polite, and deferent to Doffy. The waiters uncorked wine bottles and cut cake and served their meals with all the practiced grace that Trebol would expect, and that befitted Doffy's special day.

The staff were not the problem. It was the other diners, who stared, and whispered to one another. Trebol bit back his rising anger and thought that they had all better hope and pray that Doffy didn't notice, because if he did– if they ruined Doffy's special day– there was going to be absolute hell to pay.

After all, the young master liked violence almost as much as he liked lobster and birthday cake. A little casual murder wouldn't ruin the day the same way that unpunished rudeness certainly would. 

But thankfully, perhaps, the dinner remained civil, and without bloodshed. 

-

At least until after their meal. As the five of them were finally headed out of the restaurant, drunk as lords and full of too much birthday cake, it was impossible not to hear the complaints of the couple who were standing out on the cobblestones, waiting for their cab.

"An absolute disgrace!"

"They shouldn't let people like that into polite society!"

Doffy's look of mortified fury was all the cue that they needed. Trebol, Diamante, Pica, and Vergo caught one another's gaze.

"Think you have room for a little dessert, Doffy?" Diamante's fingers brushed the hilt of his sword.

-

Back at the hideout, Trebol bathed Doffy in the shallow little heated bathtub, wringing out the cloth repeatedly as he rinsed the blood and sweat from Doffy's face and hair. Both of them were still a little drunk, from the expensive wine, and from the violence, too.

"Hey, hey, did you have a happy birthday, Doffy?" 

Doffy smiled at him, his good blue eye shining as Trebol gently washed away blood from the scar tissue around the other.

"I had the best birthday ever."

Trebol chuckled, and cupped his face. "We'll make it the best birthday ever next year, Too."

–

Doffy insisted that Vergo cuddle with him for his birthday that night when they went to bed. Vergo curled against him, happy to oblige as ever. He never needed an excuse to want to cuddle with Doffy—but tonight was special.

Tonight he burrowed his face against Doffy's shoulder as he murmured 'Happy Birthday, Doffy', and held him as tight as he wanted. Doffy had his arms scooped around him, and Vergo could smell the lingering soap in his hair, still wet from the bath; a far cry from the smell of the blood that was on him earlier.

"Thanks, Vergo."

The two of them had smelt of hot, coppery blood in the aftermath of Doffy's dessert. Vergo hadn't held himself back—in honor of Doffy's special day—and gleefully pounded their detractors into a bloody smear.

But now they both smelt of soap, soap and warmth and the subtle smell of one another. "You liked the restaurant, right?" 

Doffy was perhaps even more cuddly tonight than usual "I loved it. And your present, too."

Vergo flushed, his fingers brushing the back of Doffy's neck. 

"You did? Really? I was worried." He wasn't exactly a 'fancy' guy—he wasn't the best at understanding what made a good gift or a good gesture. Sometimes it eluded him like so much else.

He'd gotten him one of those books—the compilations of the comics from the newspapers that he and Doffy had taken to reading together as of late. 

"I'm excited to read it," Doffy insisted. "If you let me sit on your lap we could read it together."

Vergo flushed, resting his face against the curve of Doffy's neck so he could feel his lips move as he replied. "Sounds cozy—if you read it out loud, I won't even mix the words up like last time."

-

The day felt perfect as Doffy lay cozy in his warm bed, cuddled up to Vergo and looking forward to the promises of the next day. The food, the gifts, the closeness and warmth, even the lesson they'd had to teach those insolent fools after dinner– all of it made for the best birthday that he wanted to remember. 

Earlier birthdays were like a hazy gold and white dream, wistful and sad. He pushed them away as he drifted to sleep, making space for new memories. For his new family, and all the amazing birthdays with them yet to come. 

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

Spinach Asparagus Risotto

OKAY SO @tinpotterror (WHY WONT TUMBLR EVER LET ME TAG U ILL JUST SEND IT TO U)

the first thing to cover is that recipes, like real recipes in cookbooks, have been tested and written carefully, thought about and shit

I'm going to do none of that because the few recipes I have written are so full of shorthand to be illegible to anyone else, and they're only for baking

but I start with the things I need to do before you ever get the shallots for the 'sotto going

the chicken was just chicken thighs with salt pepper oil chili powder and onion powder, cooked on 400 until done and then set to the side. i nuked it in the mike to serve because chicken thighs are forgiving abt that, chicken breast less so.

the vegetables were cooked on a sheet tray at 400 for ??? until the tomatoes started to blister. It was a pound of asparagus, ends chopped off, cut into like... 1/3-1/2 inch long pieces and a pint of... grape? tomatoes cut in half. If you have thick asparagus i'd leave teh tomatoes hole, because youll need a longer cook time, but mine were really thin which Im not pleased abt but whatever

while ur cutting veg i'd chop your shallot, I go for pieces the same size as the rice grain, when I'm adding it to any rice dish, because I DO NOT like cooked onion texture and I want to lose it in there. set it aside

ur also gonna want to grate your own parmesan, i use a microplane, pregrated cheese is covered in cornstarch to keep it from sticking together and It fucks with the consistency of everything

I also cooked 4 slices of bacon and rough chopped them, set them to the side. Save the grease if you want to use it to sautee ur onions, i did bc i wanted the extra flavor. otherwise use ur oil of choice

the most annoy part was blanching the spinach? you can ABSOLUTELY just rough chop some spinach and throw that shit in after you've added the other veg, but i had a whole bunch i needed to process that I got for free from work. You get a large pot of water, boil, dump in your spinach. dump into a strainer, squeeze out some of hte excess water, but be careful it's hot as hell, and then dump it onto a sheet tray and throw it into the freezer for a few minutes. Take it out, blend or food process it, and then put it back on the tray and then back in the freezer. i know ur about to use it, in this case, but cooling it quickly helps retain the color, some bullshit to do with chlorophyll

then you can start the 'sotto. take ur bacon grease or oil, let that get hot, then add ur shallots. when they get transparent, add minced garlic, i use the jar kind because I'm VERY LAZY, give that a minute, listen to the sizzles, dump in ur optional bacon, and then u add ur rice. get the rice to stock ratios from a random recipe online, that's what I did, and then you toast that shit for a little bit. I don't really know WHY you're supposed to do this, maybe depth of flavor maybe liquid retention?? i just know that you DO and it helps or some shit.

once it's like, toasted, (I had a lot of rice and a bit too much fat so it took like five minutes), add your stock like, 1/2 a cup at a time? I don't measure, so idk if i'm actually adding 1/2? you just add a little stock, let it get fully absorbed, and then add more. when you can scrape the bottom of the pan and the like, goo stuff, stays fully in place, thats when ur good to add more. once you've added all the stock, dump the spinach puree in, if you pureed it, because it will have to come to temp. then add the veggies you roasted, then ADD the parmesean, then let it cook a bit longer to get everything together

i don't cook with alcohol really, so I don't use white wine, but i know lots of recipes do use it? i hope that ANY of this makes sense, but that's what I did!

oh yeah and then nuke the chicken in chef mike and put it on top and BAM you got 'sotto!!!

[dirk-rider]

TT: I just can’t believe you’ve never experienced the pleasures of fast food.

TT: Like, not figuratively. I literally cannot believe you have never once in your entire life sat down and shoved a big mac into that bucktoothed mouth of yours.

GT: Well a mans got to keep himself in tip top shape if he wants anything to do with the ladies!

TT: I eat fast food. You still fuckin’ drool over me like a goddamn dog.

GT: Pshhhh.

GT: No i dont!

TT: …

GT: And even if i did you yourself arent a LADY! Lovely as that would be : )

TT: Oh, I bet.

GT: If you really are so insistent though i haven’t had dinner yet…

TT: Well my shift’s almost over, so if you’re serious you better get here fast.

GT: Oh right on! You dont need to worry my good bro! Im getting in the car as we speak!

TT: Don’t text and drive man.

GT: Ive got my trusty skulltop!

GT: And anyway with that logic you shouldnt be texting on the job! Im sure you’ve got other things to tend to.

TT: Not really. That’s why I’m heading out early.

GT: Oh! I guess i should have put that together haha.

GT: How early exactly?

TT: Like right about now.

GT: Well golly Dirk you could wait for me at the very least : (

TT: You’re right, I could.

TT: But I could also go home and play video games.

GT: : (

GT: Half the reason i decided to come over anyway was to see my good bro!

TT: Well it’s too late, I’m already in the car.

GT: But that means ill be missing out on seeing the real you!

TT: How about I call you. Then we can talk usin’ our voices and shit. Maybe that’ll help up the realism factor.

GT: Well i GUESS that would be close enough…

TT: Sweet.

So that’s how Dirk Strider ended up on the phone with his good buddy pal Jake English while he ordered his first ever fast food meal.

“So you’re gonna want to try the chicken nuggets, first off, because our chicken nuggets are the absolute shit,” Dirk explained, pulling into his driveway. “And I’d also order the fuckin… uhhh…. the double stack burger, since you like lettuce, and that shit has a lotta lettuce. Oh, and get one of the large fountain drinks, too, I just cleaned the machine today so there shouldn’t be any fuckin’ maggots infesting that shit or whatever.”

“Eww, Dirk, that’s gross! I’m going to lose my appetite before I even get there at this rate!” Jake replied, and Dirk could practically hear him wrinkle his nose. He chuckled lightly.

“Don’t worry bro I’m joking,” he assured him. “Mostly.”

Jake sighed deeply. “Well, I’m next in line, so anything else that’d get you off?”

Dirk blushed a bit. Jake was joking, obviously, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Dirk shut the car door and started walking inside as he replied, “If you REALLY wanna get me off, double that shit.”

“Heheh, alright bro, as you wish!” Jake replied, giggling a bit. Dirk smiled to himself at that. Obviously Jake wouldn’t be doing that, but it was still a thought he enjoyed. There was a silence for a moment as he reflected on this mental image, storing it away for later as he flopped down on his bed, when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Alright, Dirk, now how do I order? I ask the metal robot box for food, right?”

Dirk came back to himself, and then remembered how much of a self sheltered dumbass his crush was.

“Yeah, roll down your window and when they say some shit like, ‘hello, welcome to [fast food place], I’ll take your order whenever you’re ready!’, you gotta say what you want.” He put on an admittedly obnoxious high pitched tone as he imitated his coworkers - he wasn’t really a big fan of some of them.

“Alright! Then that I will do! One moment!”

And so Dirk sat back and listened while Jake ordered, nodding approvingly as he did so. Jake ordered a double decker bacon burger, a six piece of chicken nuggets with honey barbeque sauce (just weird enough to be a totally Jake English thing), and a coke. All totally good, some of the best stuff on the menu.

And then he said “Oh, and double that order! I’d like two of everything, if you would!”

And Dirk practically melted into his bed.

He stayed quiet as Jake exchanged money with the cashier (Dirk’s manager), Jake joking about how “it only got busy when I got here”, which was honestly probably true. People DID seem to gravitate towards Jake English.

Eventually, he got to pull forward. As he was handed the bags, he gave an honest thank you, before a sound of confusion came from the speakers in Dirk’s earbuds.

“What’s wrong, bro?” Dirk asked.

“Oh! Well, I guess now that I think about it, I should have figured this would happen, but ordering two of everything seemed to include two drinks as well..?”

“Well yeah man, unless you specify that you only want one drink, they’re gonna think ‘double everything’ includes that shit.”

Maybe he was coming off as rude, and maybe his speech was becoming sloppy, but he was currently more focused on taking down the small tent in his pants than he was on explaining the proper way to order food.

“Well yes, I guess so, but… golly, what should I do with the second one? I already can’t drink an entire bottle on it’s own normally, and I was planning on saving the one I ordered for later-“

“I dare you to chug it,” Dirk replied, only realizing he wasn’t just thinking that after the words escaped his mouth.

Luckily, Jake stayed oblivious as always as he replied, “we’ll see if I have enough room left later,” laughing a bit. God he didn’t know how much that turned Dirk on.

“Right. Well, sweet. You got your food, you got your drinks, now what? Should I hang up or something? I can hang up if you want me to.”

“Oh no no no, dickens no! Dirk, I rarely if ever get to call you, I want to hear more of your voice!” Jake replied quickly.

“Wow, so you are absolutely desperate to listen to my voice, aren’t you? Not drooling over me my ASS.”

Jake chuckled a bit. “It’s normal to want to talk to your best bro for at least a little bit each day! And besides, I don’t know if there’s some proper form or whatnot to eating this food. Need I remind you, there’s a first time for everything!”

“Yeah, there is. But what really could be so different about fast food? You just kind of… eat it.”

“Well, maybe there is some proper order or such I need to follow. I don’t know, man!”

“Nah, it’s pretty simple. Take a bit of the burger, then wash it down with that coca cola shit, then follow it by dunkin’ your nugs in that soda like it’s some kinda sauce, really get it all sopping wet so you can eat it all good and soggy.”

A moment of silence followed, before Jake said, “no offense my good pal, but that shit sounds absolutely foul.”

Dirk chuckled a bit. “Nah, nah man, you have to try it. That’s the only true way to eat chicken nuggets. Everyone knows that.”

“Well, thank you for your advice, but I am afraid I won’t be doing that,” Jake replied, laughing along with him.

The two boys proceeded to make dumb suggestions and jokes the rest of the way to Jake’s home, until eventually Jake exclaimed, “Home at last!”

“Cool. Can’t wait for you to go inside and start shoving that shit in your mouth. Make sure to put on a show for me, alright?”

“Heheh, right-o!”

Dirk heard a door shut, then heard Jake yell, “Anybody home? No? Alrighty then!” and then heard another door shut.

“Jade’s not there tonight?” Dirk asked.

“It doesn’t appear so! Probably out gardening or volunteering or something.”

“Huh. Well that’s cool,” Dirk said, trying to tone down his excitement. “Maybe you can like, I dunno. Let loose now or some shit.”

Man was he good at hiding what he was thinking.

“Sure can! I can do almost anything I want tonight, and you’re going to bear prime witness to it all!”

Dirk smiled. “No, I’m not WITNESSING shit, man. I can only hear you, remember?”

“Well sure, that is true, but that’s all a matter of semantics. Who knows, we really should hang out soon anyways!”

“With or without food?” Dirk asked, rolling over in his bed.

“It depends on if this is really all you cracked it up to be! And there is really only one way to find out!”

Dirk could hear the familiar crinkle of fast food bags being opened and unwrapped, then the sound of chewing, then the sound of a hearty swallow, and then,

“ZOUNDS, Dirk! You were absolutely, positively right about this! Dear lord, this is amazing!”

Dirk could only imagine the face Jake was making. It sounded like he was making that face he made when he was super excited about something, the one where his eyes shot wide open, sparkled, but still somehow crinkled at the edges with his smile. Dirk buried his face into a pillow to muffle the sounds threatening to escape him.

Luckily, without needing any further comment from him, Jake continued eating, and the way his mic was set up was right against his throat, so Dirk got to hear every little noise that came from him. And god damn if they weren’t good sounds.

Jake surely wasn’t aware of this, and he’d most definitely move it if Dirk said something, so instead Dirk chose to maintain a comfortable silence on his end as he listened to Jake English absolutely devour a burger. Usually the sounds of eating made him slightly uncomfortable, but picturing JAKE making those noises? That was another story entirely. And those moans of satisfaction? Pure aphrodisiac. After only a few moments though Jake had already finished.

“Mm, gah, I need something to drink!” Jake exclaimed. “That was good, but absolutely parching, heh!”

“You got soda, don’t you?”

“Well yes,” Jake said, “that is true! I’ll go grab it!”

“From where man?” Dirk asked, admittedly somewhat disappointed that the display was already on pause.

“Oh, I set it down on my bedside table,” Jake explained, his voice surrounded by the sounds of a microphone that’s set a little bit too sensitive. “My hands were full.”

“Ah.” So Dirk waited in anticipation till he heard Jake plop back down in his spinny desk chair.

“Alright, here goes! Cheers!” Jake exclaimed. When Dirk didn’t reply, though, he repeated himself, albeit a bit less enthusiastically. “Um, cheers, bro? You have to say it back,” he chuckled.

“Nobody says weird shit like that but you.”

“Well then, I’ll instead say: bottoms up!”

“You do you.” Dirk then quickly tensed again as he heard the almost annoyingly close sound of a bubbling liquid making it’s way down Jake’s throat, and man was he swallowing fast. Eventually though the noises slowed, and Dirk heard a short breath out, followed by a short gurgly burp that seemed to surprise Jake just as much as it did Dirk.

“Hah, excuse me, Dirk! Wasn’t - wasn’t expecting THAT, heh,” Jake said, his voice rising a bit.

“No, it’s cool, man. I really don’t care.” And what a lie that was.

“Al-right, if you say so, bro,” Jake chuckled. “What next, though..?”

“You should try the chicken nuggets. That shit is fuckin’ bomb,” Dirk told him.

“Well then, guess I will! If they’re anything like those patty sandwiches, I’m sure they’re positively delightful!”

“Yeah. Whatever the fuck a patty sandwich is.”

Jake either didn’t hear or didn’t care to respond to that, instead digging around his bag for the small packets of honey barbeque sauce. When he found it, he made a sort of triumphant sound. And as he began eating these, Dirk’s thoughts were only getting hotter and hotter.

Every sound of delight, every smacking of the lips, every pause for a drink just left Dirk hungrier and hungrier, but he had to keep his cool. Even if the mental image of your best bro/biggest crush eating fast food was the exact opposite of “cool”. Jacking off while on the phone certainly wasn’t cool either, and so instead he just clenched his jaw and squeezed his poor pillow harder. Jake would occasionally make comments of course, unable to bask in his own sound as Dirk was, but Dirk would simply give his usual noncommittal reply of “yeah” or “huh”. It was easier that way for him really.

After what felt like quite a bit too short, though, Jake finally gave a somewhat disheartening “aw”, and now Dirk was the one sparking conversation.

“What’s wrong, man?”

“Oh, nothing really! Just finished the box quite a bit quickly, aha!”

“Oh yeah.”

“…”

“Well, you still got a whole other bag of this stuff, too, y’know,” Dirk pointed out. “Not like you’re out of food for a while.”

“Oh I guess that is true..! Here, let me grab the other-“

But it was now or never, and Dirk knew his hormonal high wouldn’t be lasting too much longer if he didn’t do something about it, so he did.

“Hold on a second, you promised me a show, remember? We’re not gonna look back and laugh at your first time eating fast food otherwise. We need some excitement and shit to really add stakes.”

“What do you mean? What would you want me to do to… make a show of things?”

“Uhh.” Dirk paused a moment, hoping it’d make it seem like a spur of the moment recollection and not a nightly fantasy. “Remember when you said you’d chug that soda? Do that shit I dunno.”

Jake went quiet a moment, seemingly thinking, before eventually replying, “Well I can’t seem to think of a reason not to!”

“Hell yeah. Chug chug motherfucker!”

“Heheh, alright!” Jake replied, unscrewing the cap of the second one. And Dirk most definitely noticed that this was a new bottle, the slight click of the seal being broken telling him just that. And he also most definitely was not upset by this. He heard a sharp fizzing noise, then a somewhat shaky breath on the other end, and then the sound of Jake English gulping down a bottle of soda.

Dirk wanted to say something, ANYTHING to distract from how absolutely amazing an experience this was for him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak. The sound of swallowing liquid was just so mesmerizing to him, he couldn’t turn his attention to anything else.

Soon though, Jake’s lips parted from the bottle, and as they did so a low, breathy belch came out of him. This time, though, he did not excuse himself, rather just exclaimed, “Hn - gosh, Dirk, all that and it’s still not done!”

Dirk inhaled sharply.

“W-well then, keep going man,” he replied, his own voice shaking with a hideous combination of arousal and nerves. “I’ve chugged lots of drinks, I’m sure you can too, heh.”

“Well of course I CAN, Dirk,” Jake said, making it sound like the concept was obvious, “but it’s a matter of how FAST I can. You yourself never even have any - ahem - eructations, which is honestly something I envy! Especially seeing how quickly you can down a whole bottle-“

“Yeah but this isn’t about me, man. I can do that any old time. I dared YOU to, remember? So uh- hurry up, man!“

Dirk was becoming antsy, the bulge in his pants becoming hotter, more painful by the moment. He knew he had to go soon, he had to do something about THIS. But he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet, he had to experience just a bit more.

“Well, alrighty then! I can’t leave a good dare hanging!” And so he continued gulping down the drink, this time each swallow seeming much more forceful, more liquid going into his throat than was going all the way down. And, as the bottle began crinkling, a sign it was finally empty, Jake threw it down on the table triumphantly.

“Ya-hoo! I did it, Dirk! Did you hear that? Drank an entire bottle on my own-!” a gurgling noise made itself known in Jake’s throat. “Oh, one moment.”

Dirk heard a thumping sound, like Jake was banging on his chest, and he could just imagine so perfectly Jake holding one finger up as he did so, in an “i’ll get back to you” sort of way. And then the gurgling noise got higher and higher, and then the noises ceased for one split second of silence-

And an explosive belch came from the speakers in Dirk’s earbuds.

The mic clipped as the eructation was happening, and Dirk’s heart was going faster than it ever had. He had to bite his cheek hard to keep himself from moaning, tensing his body with all of his might. And when it was over, Jake’s chair creaked as he leaned back and sighed.

“Oh, MAN, Dirk, that felt - that felt good,” he said.

Dirk had to agree.

Rather than saying that, though, he instead ended up stuttering out, “I- uh, I have to mute myself real quick, you can - keep doin’ your thing, though. Uh, yeah.” He then quickly muted himself and began unzipping his jeans.

“Oh, alright Dirk! Will you be back soon?” Jake asked, sounding almost disappointed.

Dirk grimaced as he reached back up to unmute himself. “Unh, yeah. Yeah, man.”

“Oh, good! I’ll be waiting!”

Dirk nodded as though Jake could see him and muted himself again before struggling to pull his pants off and throw them to the floor. Finally clad in just his boxers and tee though, he reached under his waistband and inhaled sharply, involuntarily gripping his dick as he heard Jake unwrapping the other burger.

Shit, he’d forgotten about that.

When Jake continued eating, now that he seemed to think Dirk was gone, he ate much less tactfully. He moaned a bit more at the new flavors, took longer drinks, allowed himself to let out short burps between bites…

It was better than any shitty prno Dirk had ever watched, and he couldn’t even see this guy. He could only imagine though, the look of ecstasy on his face as he took large bites, tearing his meal to shreds. It gave Dirk more than enough push as he got himself off, the sounds of Jake’s ecstasy mixing with Dirk’s pleasure to create a beautiful, horrible noise.

After only a few short moments (though they seemed very long to Dirk) he had his own cum smeared across the head of his boxers, and he was left gasping for air, body limp as Jake simply continued on, completely oblivious to what his friend was doing on the other line.

As Dirk’s mind was fogged over, he began feeling disgusted with himself for the way he had acted, and he wanted to get mad, punch himself square in the face. But he also felt a deep sense of relief and ecstasy, the kind one can only get from having his fantasies played out in front of him.

Finally, Jake leaned back and let out a belch that he muffled with his fist. Dirk could her the sound of him slapping something like a beach ball, but he knew from experience that it was actually the sound of an overstuffed stomach, and it almost made him want a round two. He sighed and shook his head, though. That could wait for later, at least until he was off the line.

So he reached back up and unmuted himself, and the short “bing!” sound alerted Jake to his presence.

“Oh, Dirk! You’re back! Is everything alright?”

Dirk breathed deeply before answering.

“Yeah, Dave needed some help. With uh, his computer. Dude can’t understand computers for shit, always needs help with some update or whatever. And I didn’t want to - embarrass him, so I muted so you couldn’t hear his cries of fuckin’ agony as he realized all he had to do was turn the thing off and on again. Heh.”

Dirk grinned at how well he was able to bullshit that response.

“Oh, alright! That would make a lot more sense than what I was- no, never mind that. Um, I ended up finishing everything without you, sorry! I know you missed the ‘show’ and whatnot, I just couldn’t help myself!”

Dirk’s heart jumped a bit at that.

“Nah, it’s alright. Totally cool. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said simply. Such an understatement.

“Yes, I absolutely did enjoy it! Y’know, I really should have come on over as soon as you started working there. I missed out on some premium meals!”

“Yeah you did. But there’s always a spot in the to-go line for you. Or, hell, even in the regular line. I’d get to see more of you that way,” he smiled. Was he flirting? He honestly didn’t know.

“Oh, yes, I’d love that! I quite enjoy seeing your face, too, you know!” Jake smiled back at him. And he was definitely flirting. “In fact, before you go, could you please turn on your camera? I never did get to see you.”

Dirk blushed a bit, though it was hardly noticeable against his post-cum flush.

“Only if you do too, man,” he said, if only to buy himself time as he got up to walk half naked to his bathroom to grab a washcloth. Or a towel, if you’re a one of those fans.

“Ah, fine, if you insist,” he heard Jake chuckle as Dirk was wetting the rag. “Let me open the call on my husktop quickly… let’s see here…”

In the amount of time it took for Jake to boot up his computer and connect the call to it, Dirk had cooled himself down enough to look presentable. He quickly walked back to his bedroom and put his glasses back on before he turned on his phone camera, angling it upwards a bit to a) make himself look cooler and b) hide the fact that he wasn’t wearing pants.

“Oh, Dirk! Looking gorgeous as ever, I see!” Jake said when he finally noticed.

“Yeah man, looking and feeling like fifty bucks.” He couldn’t hide the small grin on his face.

“Well here, one moment… and- there we go! Camera is on- oh!”

Jake must’ve only then realized how much his stomach was pushing out.

It was quite a sight, really, his face and shirt coated in crumbs and grease as his shirt rode up on his stomach, unable to hide the massive excess he had indulged in.

Dirk’s eyebrows raised and he quickly took a screenshot before Jake could fix this.

“You’re looking good too, man,” Dirk said, hoping it came off as another joke, thoigh he couldn’t hide how impressed he was. “Reeaall good.”

Jake pushed his computer screen up so the camera wasn’t on his stomach anymore, only really capturing his upper chest, face and ceiling now. He then made an attempt to pull his shirt back over his stomach.

“Oh stop, haha,” he said, blushing a bit. “Sorry you had to see that!”

“No no, it’s cool,” Dirk smiled. “I do gotta get goin’ though, much as I love staring at you,” he chuckled.

“Aw alright, so soon? I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jake asked, looking hopeful.

“Yeah man. I’m not missing school if you’re there.”

Jake grinned. “Sweet! Fistbump for good luck!”

Dirk chuckled and raised a fist to the screen and the two fistbumped, Jake then pulling back and imitating an explosion.

“See ya, man,” Dirk smiled.

“Goodbyeee!!” Jake replied, and the screen went dark as he hung up.

Dirk quickly swiped up to his photo gallery, pulling up the screenshot he had just taken.

Now he had jack-off material for at least two months.

[acelucky]

NYE Post

I love a good NYE post where I summarise the ups and downs of the year and put into thoughts what I’m looking forward to next year. I try to keep it brief, I rarely succeed. I feel this is essentially like those old fashioned round robin letters people still occasionally do in Christmas cards!

Bad bits - All the World Events/cost of living and energy crisis/War and weather aside... I finally caught covid, an old friend passed away in horrible circumstances, my dear bunny Cloud died in June, a relative has fallen very ill and may not have long left to live and at the start of the year my mental health was in shocking shape. I also broke my wrist playing 5-aside football with work in September.

The Good - I completed an amazing course of therapy which has left me feeling so much more confident and happy in myself - it really has changed my outlook on life. I saw the Francis Bacon exhibit at the Royal Academy of Arts in March, I’ve also visited several fascinating museums and exhibitions. There’s been lots of concerts, the most amazing being seeing Placebo again at Portsmouth Guildhall, seeing Joe Jackson with my dad and after years of trying to see them live, getting to see Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at all points east festival with @cassandrafey  My husband and I had a long road trip up to the lake district to visit his family as well as see where he grew up and visit some of my favourite places too, it was lovely. I did a 27 and a half mile walk with work for charity (The Surrey Three Peaks challenge but we got a bit lost), it was the most physically difficult thing I’ve done in my life and I was so proud of myself. For my birthday we went to Longleat Safari and stayed overnight nearby - we fed the lorikeets and the seals, it was absolutely perfect.  In October my husband and I went abroad for the first time since June 2019, we went to Rhodes, Greece and it was beautiful, relaxing and romantic. We had a lovely wedding anniversary and went to the Theatre to see Swan Lake. And finally we had a 3 night family holiday to Bruges where we experienced all the magic of late Autumn/cold crisp winter and saw all the Christmas lights.

New Year’s Resolutions - I pretty much have one this year and that is simply. To be more mindful. More mindful about what I spend my money on, what I eat, how I take care of myself, how I react to situations, what I reveal about myself at work, how much I drink at comedy gigs, what and who I spend time and energy on. 

Looking to 2023 - On the one hand next year already has some very big plans and will be busy, but due to this my plan is to keep other times quieter than usual and focus more on me and the relationships I hold dear/my home. I’ll still be performing comedy but not doing as much or chasing it, I’ll continue to run the comedy night’s I run and will still perform once or twice a month at new gigs/the best gigs/gigs worth doing and am doing a Split show at Brighton and Ventnor fringe festivals, but that’s it. I want to focus more on the funeral industry and potential career change and my writing.

Plans for 2023 - There’s a few loose ones like my husband and I hopefully going to Ireland for a week. But set in stone the biggest adventure I have is going to New Zealand with my dad in May (and a night in Singapore) to explore, show him my favourite places and see family. We have Beltane Festival at the end of April at Butser Ancient Farm and in September I’m off to Budapest with the wonderful @cassandrafey to see IAMX. Oh and we may have bought tickets to see Def Leppard and Motley Crue in London....

So that’s my re-cap for the year, whether anyone reads it or not, it strangely makes me feel better knowing I’ve written it all down and can reflect in time to come.

In the meantime, I wish you all a very Happy New Year! 

(Photos are of: Cloud the bunny, Sunset in Rhodes, me on my birthday, The Lake District with my husband, Bruges)

[julialouisdreyfest]

Vanity Plate Interview

Vanity Plate are a punk band from Minot, North Dakota who are as hardworking and kind as you would imagine a band from Minot, North Dakota would be. They took time out of their unbelievably busy schedules to not only agree to drive down to Billings to play Dreyfest, but also to answer some questions for us!

Q: First off- names, instruments, and your taco bell order. A: Zach Schultz- guitar. Cheesy Gordita crunch, chicken quesadilla, and a Baja blast. Zach Mulholland (a.k.a. Mo)- I play guitars and a little bass on occasion and my taco bell order is a crunch wrap, chalupa and some cheesy fiesta potatoes. Jazmine Schultz- bass and vocals 1 cool ranch dorito taco 1 regular dorito taco baja blast Connor- I play drums! I actually usually only go to Taco Bell for breakfast (which goes crazy) bacon Crunchwrap, sausage quesadilla Q: Maybe it’s just the fact that you guys are from North Dakota, but I can’t help but think of you guys as being “Trad-core” (if that term already exists and means something different than what I mean, apologies). There’s something very wholesome about your brand of punk. Like if someone were to fall in the pit, not only would you pick them up, but you would walk them home and cook them a nice chicken noodle soup, and made sure they got enough and drank enough water before tucking them into bed. Are you offended by this? Or am I right in this assessment? A: (Zach) That’s a common sentiment for sure. We were just talking about this very thing recently where even when we write songs or whole albums about death or something, we still manage to convey it with a positive attitude and vibe somehow. Q: I last saw you in New York in the fall of 2023, I think? You guys played a sick set at the Windjammer (my favorite bar in Queens)- how was that tour? What have you guys been up to since then? A: (Zach) That tour was an absolute dream, we kept knocking on wood the entire time to make sure and not jinx it. For the past couple years I’ve been guitar teching on the road for the band Men At Work and this year I was in South America for a few weeks. I’m also working on opening my home shop Tree Line Luthiery in Minot. (Mo) I had a great time on that tour! Saw some old friends, made a lot of new friends and also had some of the best eats! I'm very excited to be heading back in that direction again this year! I've also been playing with my first band, It Came From The Sea, for our 11-year reunion (and vinyl release). Also busy recording the new Vanity Plate songs for (garden path?!) (Which is also going to be on vinyl with year of the shark!?). Connor and I are also playing in another band called Spider Legs, and we just recorded a 6-song live to tape demo with Blake Burbach, who recorded Vanity Plate this year as well! (Connor) Tour was super sick! Shows were great, people were great it was a lot of fun!

Q: Zack and Jaz- you guys help run Prairie Sky Breads up in Minot! That’s rad as hell! My dad went in there not knowing you guys ran it and gave it two thumbs up. I cannot imagine running a business like that, but I imagine it's a rewarding way to pay the bills. Curious- are there any skills/lessons that you’ve learned from playing in bands that you’ve applied towards running the shop?

A: (Zach) The collective spirit is a deep rooted ideal that we try and incorporate into running a business. Being a part of the Pangea House collective and being collaborators in bands I feel has helped us figure out how we want to do things. Q: Some of you guys (Connor and Mo) live in Bismarck, is that right? Is that a pain in the ass to coordinate getting together for practicing or shows, or is it smoother than I think (just thinking of this as someone who lives in Brooklyn- I haven't hung out with someone who lives outside of Brooklyn in YEARS)? A:(Zach) Yeah, Connor and Mo live in Bismarck which is about an hour and a half from Minot. It's certainly not the easiest hah, especially in North Dakota. When we were getting ready to record our second full length, Wilder, I think we missed 5 practices because of winter storms. As far as distance, that's really not that big of a deal when you're from ND. We used to drive 8 hours in the morning, play a show in Minneapolis, then drive home the same night. Wild shit, dumb shit. But it's just what you have to do i guess. (Mo) I could see how it would seem like a pain, but I honestly kind of enjoy the drive. It's an hour and a half, but connor and I usually listen to any demos we're working on or any new bands we're listening to, podcasts, comedy, etc. So the drive goes by quick. The only time I'm not a fan is when the weather is just right at night for layers of fog. That part is kind of terrifying. And I suppose during the winter it can be tricky scheduling around the weather. (Connor) What mo said!

Q: Year of the Shark was your most recent release- it rips! Where did those songs come from? during COVID? Post COVID? For some reason they have quarantine-vibes to me, but maybe I'm way off. A: (Zach) Thanks! They were written in 2023 but quarantine vibes aren't far off, it's more…death vibes. Q: If the Year of the Shark was 2023- what is 2024 the year of? A: (Zach) We have a new EP coming out this year so I guess 2024 is the year of the Garden Path. Garden Path sentences, give that a little google search they’re fun. Q: What’s the weirdest yelp review you’ve ever gotten at the shop? A: (Jaz) We got a scathing google review right after we opened complaining about a soggy cold roast beef sandwich. Although up to that point we had never made a roast beef sandwich of any sort, so we're pretty sure it was for a place across the street. Other than that opening a restaurant at the beginning of COVID led to a lot of reviews complaining about our mask policy. Minot at one point was the most contagious place in the world per capita so safe to say there were a lot of people not happy about that. Q: Excluding the Blue Rider, what's the best dive bar in Minot? A: (Zach) In our hearts the Blue is the only dive bar there is and will be. Jaz and Zach don't drink so they don't get to bars too much but our friends from the music scene have opened up a brewery called Atypical. They have shows and rad things going on there, so the spirit of the Blue Rider also lives on there. Q: Zach, you are a fellow New York Islanders fan! How did this fandom come about? A: (Zach) I'll be honest, I'm the most casual of casual fans. But my dad had an old hockey game that was kind of like foosball in a way but had little cardstock hockey players you could swap out. I always loved the Islanders logo for some reason. So in my adult life that's just my go to for hockey. Would love to catch a game sometime when we're in town. Q: Fuck / marry / kill- Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania

A: Fuck Estonia, Marry Latvia Kill Lithuania

Q: Fuck / marry / kill- “uffdah”, “oh, ya?”, “you betcha!”

A: Fuck "Oh ya?", marry "you betcha!", kill "uffdah"

Q: Fuck / marry / kill- Fargo (the movie), Fargo (the TV show), The Fargo (the theater in downtown Fargo)

A: Fuck Fargo, marry Fargo, kill Fargo

Catch Vanity Plate at Craft Local on Friday, August 9th, at 9 PM!

[duskwingmoth]

notes and highlights from reading my discord message history (2016):

girl u used to be so sillay. I should get silly with it sometimes

2016 me was a little confused but was also so fucking right about lars steven universe

ough. Failure to recognize imminent trump presidency. You stupid fucking liberal ffs

do u rember enjoying overwatch. I rember...

Liveblogging the sonic 2016 stream like "this new charmy bee album is bussin"

"I just saw the quintessential torb potg"

"beginning with him dying"

hanging on his corpse for the full respawn timer"

"while his turret did the hard work"

"predictably nowhere onscreen"

I was the first drop dash hater. If there are no more drop dash haters i am dead

attempting to read through this sexting now KNOWING FOR SURE i was absolutely faking it is. cringe

S. Skoop. I forgot that i called skype "skoop" (and that there was a brief period where i had it on my phone while discord was on my pc)

Talking about multiple story/game concepts i have since abandoned. Death

Doesn't matter if it's 2013, 2016, or 2024; somebody somewhere is complaining about JJ Abrams. It is probably me

There was a dang stevenbomb when these messages start and tbh I was right on the money abt steven universe in general. More ppl should have listened to me instead

huniepop lmao

I was still in iPhone Hell

Making comments to friends about things i refuse to share or elaborate on. I have learned nothing

playing ALL the hits tbh we even got Complain About Family in here

Scoutposting but it's overwatch

"defense shouldn't have left the point undefended"

Bitch shut UP about Pokémon

Oh my GOD just Shut Up About Video Games in general

The Sword Art Online hater has logged on

All these tumblr links that don't work anymore. Sad

How did i make it to 22 without realizing i was experiencing caffeine withdrawal

Yes yes past robin you've got nintendo diagnosed as fuck can you not sound rude and elitist and also cryptoracist about it

(three hours worth of messages just ranting about nintendo jfc. 2009 youtube would have loved me)

The Traumadumping,

Watch watch. You can see the exact moment steven universe rips her heart in half

Reading through basically all the previous things in varying order. Knowing what's coming up.

The moment

Oh no... The Federation Force announcement. The five stages of grief logged in real time

girl your dick was not out for harambe you did not even know what that meant

Hare-brained game concepts part 3027498: radio station with hundreds of hours of recorded dj voice lines

360 controller sucks send post

It is so easy to tell what youtube poop i was hyperfixated on at any given point

girl u really went looking for and personally banned specific slurs in your twitch chat and proceeded to NEVER STREAM. Self-harm champion. Self-harm's strongest warrior

Oh my god. The inception of steam user gofasthog was on my birthday

Is sent jerma rumble live-action with no prior knowledge or context. Complains

Affirming my girlfriend's life choices and gender. Rare pre-crack based moment

Not long now

The PSVita Chronicles. Very short-lived

"Why is twitter orange" wtf are you on about

September 26th, 2016; 09:00 AM PDT:

There really is like. A shift in my tone after this. Immediately so much performative anger is just gone

"I'm trying not to think about it tbh" no you should be thinking about it more. More please for your health pLEASE think of the hips you are going to lose your chance

Lesbian Gay Bacon Tomato Quiche Ice Arson. I cracked the code

Impostor syndrome. Envy. Jealousy. Girlthing you need to chill

Posting through having my shoes disintegrate instead of asking for a new pair. Lol. Lmao even

Finally watched the jerma rumble series and enjoyed myself. The redemption arc we all deserved and didn't know we needed

Utterly failing to code basic game functions. I needed my girlf frend to help me she is so smart and cute and lovely

the wii u woes

And the switch jokes. They're bad! They're very bad

I had played the paladins beta. You can tell because i complained about torbjörn overwatch again

Civ VI release date, or: how i learned that having good CPU was actually really important

Also the day i committed to my new name

More coding failure

Mere hours before the election polls are called it dawns on us both that we really are going to get a trump presidency and i weep with despair while trying to convince us both that the worst won't happen

(It didn't. We are alive and together)

You can see me desperately struggling with the growing reality that i am not as politically reasonable as i consider myself

A dark pall over the holidays. I won't elaborate. I don’t think it's necessary

[surveysand]

five.

Do you have mean comments that replay in your head and haunt you? no. i'm proud of myself for how well i've grew out of letting other peoples' opinions of me affect me.

Did you go Black Friday shopping this past Black Friday? i don't think so.

^If so, what was the best deal you got? i didn't shop.

Have you ever seen a spirit? no.

Are you happy that the year is coming to an end? this is clearly an older survey, lol. but time is going by so fast this year. june has gone on forever, though, it feels like.

Have you ever bought a designer purse? yes, i have a heart-shaped kate spade purse.

What color was your senior prom dress? blush pink.

Would you ever consider a career in writing? probably not. i'm not too creative.

Have you ever purchased a YouTuber’s merch? If so, what did you buy? i bought the jeffree star/shane dawson palette (ew.) when it was released, but other than that, no.

Are you better at spelling or writing? spelling.

If someone signed you up for karate lessons, would you take them? no.

What was the last movie you watched? Would you recommend it to people? disneynature african cats, lol. my partner and i wanted to watch a nature documentary while eating dinner.

Do you update your Facebook relationship status when it changes? yes.

Do you want your own house someday? yes.

Are you superstitious? no.

When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? sprite or sweet tea.

Have you ever thought about your wedding? yes.

Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? taylor! she's one of my absolute favorites.

Growing up, did you see your cousins often? yes.

Where was your first job at? a dorm at my university. i worked the front desk.

Ever seen your parents make out? no.

What’s your dream height and weight? i'm fine with my height. i do wish i weighed less, but don't have a specific number i would want to be.

What do you do when your house loses power? call my electric provider. i live in an apartment building, so i can't do anything if we were to lose power.

What piercing do you hate? none.

Were you raised in a religious house? yes, but not super religious.

Do your parents get mad when your on the computer for hours? no.

Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? yes.

What’s your favorite thing about your crush/bf/gf? too many things to list.

What’s the worst thing? his farts, lmfao.

What song can bring you down? "ronan" and "soon you'll get better", both by taylor swift. such sad songs.

What would you do if your parent hit you? i'd fight back now, but my parents would never, lol.

Ever see yourself going to jail? no.

Last song you sang? "nothing new" by taylor swift and phoebe bridgers.

Has the last person you kissed slept with more then 3 girls? no.

Ever been tested for any STDs? no.

Do you think it’s weird when girls change in front of their bf/gf? no.

Get a new camera or new phone? new phone. i have a fairly new phone (iphone 13), but i don't use cameras.

Last person that saw you naked (can’t be yourself): my partner.

Ever kissed someone half-naked? yes.

Is being sweaty nasty? yes.

Are your parents embarrassing? no, not really.

Do you prefer dating a virgin? Or a guy who’s been around? i have no preference.

Are you blond? yes.

Do you like bacon? no.

Do you have an annoying dog? he can be, but i don't mind.

What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? i never have read comics.

What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? listen to music or watch tiktoks.

What color was your first phone? black.

Was your first phone a flip phone? no.

If you’re a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? yes. the first period i ever got was in fifth grade. i knew what they were and, had i have been home, would've put a pad on. i remember it was specifically towards christmas break because our last class of the day, we were decorating gingerbread houses. i felt wetness on my butt and thought it was maybe sweat because the heater was on and i was wearing sweatpants. i went to the bathroom before we went home and realized the wetness i felt was not sweat and was instead blood covering my ENTIRE ass. luckily, i had a sweatshirt wrapped around my waist that prevented anyone from seeing/it getting on my chair. i went home and immediately threw the pants and sweatshirt i had been wearing away, lol.

What was your worst experience in high school? losing my best friend. she didn't die, lol, but did something super fucked up that i could not stay friends with her because of. i had been friends with her since first grade and this happened halfway through my senior year. luckily, i had other friends i could fall back on who i am still so grateful for.