#and the surgeries and all that stopped That specific process so that's a win. and then they get rid of the remnants of soulkiller

[ruvviks]

drastic + vincent please :3

DRASTIC [x] characters >> vincent mayer (oc), vitali dobrynin (oc) context >> july 2077; vincent and vitali are in tucson to try and figure out a way to stop vincent from dying after johnny silverhand has been successfully removed from his head total >> 1.6k words warnings >> death mention, hospital, needles, surgery mention

‘Vincent. Can you hear me?’

Wakey wakey.

Vincent could barely open his eyes, eyelids and head still heavy with sleep. The air surrounding him was surprisingly cool; as far as he was concerned it was the middle of summer, and he was in Arizona of all places. Wasn’t it supposed to be sweltering?

Someone gently took his wrist. The action itself did not hurt, nor did the feeling that followed– but it caused him instant discomfort that bordered on pain, the sensation cramping up his entire arm and it took him a second to realize it was the work of a needle that was stuck in the top of his hand.

He was in the hospital. He had just gotten out of surgery.

His eyes finally opened, bright light pouring in from the window on his left and momentarily blinding him as he groaned and tried to adjust. The nurse beside him gently placed his hand back on the mattress and hummed a song as she checked something on the screens, gloved fingers rapidly tapping on the keys of the digital keyboard as she typed in some information.

The soft hum of the devices around him was like a lullaby and Vincent slowly exhaled as he closed his eyes again; but a sudden weight on his chest– as well as the sudden realization of what the surgery had been for to begin with– violently ripped him back to reality and he gasped for air, as if all oxygen had suddenly been taken from his lungs.

‘Easy,’ the nurse said, placing a hand on his shoulder to prevent him from sitting up. ‘You’re alright, Vincent. Everything is fine. Try to breathe as normal.’

Easier said than done. He had a fucking cybernetic lung now– and sure, it worked, but the idea alone was more than enough to cause involuntary tears to well up in the corners of his eyes as he could feel his irregular heartbeat in every single inch of his body and his unstable breathing scraped painfully past the dry inside of his throat.

Ever since he had arrived in Tucson it had been one surgery after another. Preventive measures for the most of it– save from the removal of a bullet shard that had still been stuck in his head, the last bit Viktor hadn’t been able to dig out before– replacing damaged organs where possible and removing previously installed implants to minimize risks.

And none of it had helped so far.

Vincent was still very much dying, despite all their efforts. Initially thought to be the damage the Relic had caused in his body, irreparable at that; not so irreparable anymore but with all holes patched and the ship still sinking, he couldn’t help but wonder if Soulkiller was still working its magic.

Sure, the program had been on the Relic itself– but then again, all technology had gotten damaged by that bullet and with Johnny’s engram overwriting his psyche and then his psyche overwriting all of that to separate himself from the biochip, who knows what kind of malware had managed to sneak its way in in the meantime?

‘There’s a visitor waiting for you,’ the nurse said, shooting Vincent a gentle smile after he had managed to settle down again. ‘Would you like me to get him for you?’

‘Yes please, thank you,’ Vincent replied, not needing to ask for a name to know exactly who she meant, and he couldn’t stop his heartbeat from rising in excitement and relief when she left the room to call the man in.

It still managed to catch him off guard, to see Vitali Dobrynin out of his usual work attire. A sight he had gotten to grow more familiar with over the last few months– the whole situation with Johnny had driven Vitali out of the office often enough for Vincent to catch him in simple sweatpants and a hoodie on the regular– yet it still felt a little strange to him. “The man sleeps in a suit,” Jackie had once jokingly told him. Vincent wouldn’t have batted an eye.

‘How do you feel?’ Vitali softly asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed, sleeves of his flannel loosely rolled up and only partially covering his forearms. His hands were clasped together on his lap– for once not a single ring adorning his slender fingers– and he nervously ran his thumb over the side of his index finger.

‘Little strange,’ Vincent admitted as he reached out to take Vitali’s hand in his own. ‘The more I think about breathing, the harder it gets. I know it’s just between my ears, but– you know.’

Vitali quickly nodded, a light smile on his face as he shuffled a little closer and leaned in to press a kiss on Vincent’s temple. Which, of course, also caught him off guard; with the complete chaos of the aftermath of the attack on Mikoshi he had continuously forgotten about the fact he was dating the fixer now, and now that they could finally have some time for themselves it still did not feel entirely real to him.

‘Don’t you think all this is– I dunno, maybe a lil’ drastic?’ Vincent quietly asked, allowing the other man to cup his cheek and run his fingers down his face. ‘I mean– I don’t feel much different than before. Just increases risk of cyberpsychosis if anything. Even with all the removed implants.’

‘You might not feel it now but something is still happening in your body,’ Vitali simply replied, the pre-programmed answer he had been giving Vincent for weeks now. ‘Sooner or later you will start feeling it. And then you’ll be glad we had precautions done before it got too bad.’

‘Costs a shit-fuckton of money.’

‘Which I have.’

‘Well, I don’t.’

‘You don’t need to.’

Vincent clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply, the action causing his chest to tighten a little and he winced, brief panic overtaking him; but nothing else happened, the cybernetic lung doing its job perfectly fine, and he allowed himself to relax again.

It did not feel right to let Vitali pay for his surgeries. He had done so from the fucking beginning, no less– when Vincent had gotten a correction surgery on his chest and Vitali had told Viktor to put it on his tab, despite Vincent continuously telling him he’d get the eddies himself after his recovery.

But Vitali was a stubborn man– painfully so, insisting on helping Vincent wherever and whenever he could. Out of the goodness of his heart, of course; but definitely so out of guilt as well, having to live with the knowledge he had not been able to save T-Bug and Jackie and because of that so desperately trying to save Vincent while he still could.

If he even could.

Vincent lowered his gaze, softly biting the inside of his lip as Alt’s words echoed through his head again. He was dying; there was no denying it, even if he didn’t feel it just yet, and if they wouldn’t figure out what exactly was going on with him he wouldn’t make it to the end of the year.

If he had done the calculations right, he’d be on his deathbed on Vitali’s birthday of all days. He couldn’t do that to him.

But perhaps Vitali was right. Perhaps the surgeries did help and would at least give him a little longer than what Alt had predicted. Perhaps Alt had not even told him the truth; perhaps whatever was going on with him in that moment was only temporary and the effects would wear off the more time would pass.

But with more and more of his body turning into a machine, Vincent could not help but wonder if it wouldn’t just have been easier to transfer his psyche onto a fucking biochip too.

Would’a been a copy, V, you know that. At least you’re still you, now.

But for how much longer?

Even Johnny– or, well the voice in Vincent’s head pretending to be Johnny– couldn’t answer that.

Vitali suddenly turned, pulling his legs onto the bed and moving closer until he was sat directly next to Vincent, leaning back against the raised mattress. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders– and Vincent in return moved closer without hesitation, burying his face in his boyfriend’s chest, grateful the painkillers were numbing most of the pain in his upper body.

‘We will figure this out, my love,’ Vitali softly mumbled and planted a kiss on the top of Vincent’s head. ‘I promise. I’m not giving up on you.’

He had paused all his business and tossed aside all his responsibilities to help Vincent find a cure. Had left Night City behind– had left his business in the hands of Mikhail– and even now weeks later he was still there by his side, paying for his surgeries and keeping him company through it all. Of course Vitali was not giving up on him– and Vincent had never received such devotion before, to the point he had no idea what to do now that it had fallen right into his lap.

‘I love you,’ he simply whispered in return, on the verge of choking back tears when he felt Vitali momentarily tense up. ‘I love you so much.’

He didn’t know how much time he had left. He didn’t know if Alt was right, he didn’t know if any of what they were doing there was helping him at all–

But at least he wasn’t alone.

At least he had Vitali.

[sai-lec]

People are platforming sainz way too much when he’s the worse driver in ferrari just because he had his appendix removed like that makes him the most amazing driver ever he really shouldn’t have gotten driver of the day nevermind a win when Charles did so much more and gave him the position

the way im just trying to enjoy my enchiladas oh my god anyway i wasn’t gonna answer just straight up carlos hate asks bc it’s pointless yet here i am

i just find it really interesting that people act like liking carlos = hating charles and vice versa bc that’s the common thread ive been seeing across what people have been saying in my inbox and also in reblogs etc etc . it’s always utilising charles to degrade carlos and specifically his driving performances which in all honesty is very disrespectful to the team as a whole

but the reason that carlos has been getting so much media attention is because there are huge circumstances around him this season . he entered the season not having a seat for next year; people were curious- how would he react? how was he going to prove himself as deserving of a competitive seat for 2025? was the decision going to impact his relationship with the team etc etc etc . there was a lot of questions around him going into the season . especially after the shitshow of the last few races of the 2023 season between his vegas penalty and the god awful tyre strategy they had him on that ruined his race in abu dhabi.

bahrain peaked people’s interest in him- between the ‘im faster’ and team fighting on track (might i add is what you all wanted to see charles do in australia because the team orders were holding him back but got really pissed off that carlos had the gall to fight in bahrain when charles’ pace was thrown off by his breaking issues) . seeing carlos come into the season with so much uncertainty surrounding him and his performance and seeping him qualify second row abd taking a podium on the first race of the season generated more excitement. he was showing the beginnings of a promising final season with ferrari which is a pretty big deal . so of course there is going to be a huge media buzz around him . everyone expects the red bulls to do well it’s not breaking news when max verstappen wins but a driver with nothing to lose driving like he has nothing to lose is an interesting story . it’s journalism girl.

regarding the appendix, again this just adds to the excitement about him . it’s all narrative . like obviously people were shocked when he was diagnosed with appendicitis and it invited jokes about alex albon and his appendicitis which spurred on the media attention . and showing up to watch the race 24 hrs after his surgery of course nobody expected that because he was literally there against doctors orders- which yet again is going to garner a lot of buzz that he is dedicated enough to the team to show up so quickly after surgery .

when it comes to him racing post appendectomy again it’s so obvious that this is something that the media will want to pick up ‘f1 driver takes first non-redbull win in 10 races 2 weeks after surgery’ is a great base headline . that’s journalism baby . but it got people talking because in all honesty he really shouldn’t have been in that car it’s clear that he’s still pretty in pain and people were curious - how will he perform? will he even make it through practise? is he recovered enough to drive? will he have to stop mid race? have they made accommodations to his car to take pressure off his wounds? like you have to remember the toll these cars have on the body of the driver especially across the core. it’s incredibly impressive for someone to get in the car in the process of recovering front any surgery. and for carlos to be still in the late stage of recovery and to pull such impressive results in qualifying and the race is impressive . objectively he had physical hinderance and raced extremely well in spite of it . people are going to talk about it because it is pretty impressive.

as for carlos winning driver of the day again people are just excited . voted him driver of the day in bahrain for his sheer fucking audacity and pulling the first podium of the season which got peoples hopes up for ferraris performance for the rest of the season . he got driver of the day in bahrain because people were extremely impressed with how he raced given his physical circumstances . yes i think charles was also a contender for driver of the day because he also had a great race with the ferrari 1-2 and his defending against the mclarens but driver of the day is a fan vote and people will be voting for what generated the most excitement for them thing the race .

i also wouldn’t say charles GAVE him the position- he already had it . what you’re looking o say is that you’re disappointed charles didn’t have the opportunity to fight for the win. which yeah i get it i would also like to see a charles win this season and some more fighting on the track . but what we need to understand is that this point in time where charles was a few seconds behind carlos the priority was to defend against lando who was showing really good pace at which point charles has to decide if it’s worth trying to close the gap of around 5 seconds or defend against lando who was 2-3 seconds behind him . and obviously at the end he couldn’t increase his speed under the vsc . it’s just racing circumstances .

anyway my point is . is it really that deep in the end . yes carlos is getting a lot of attention right now but it’s just because there’s literally so much going on around him between his career uncertainty illness surgery and stellar performance in the early season . there is no plot against charles or whatever u think is happening and i’m willing to place my life savings that if another driver went under for surgery and pulled those results there wouldn’t be half the backlash as we r seeing . this is just how media works . people are interested in him right now . it’ll pass . we are only 3 races into the season . chill .

[acidh2otoby]

Resident Evil Sexuality / Identity Headcanons, part 2

Ingrid Hunnigan

Lesbian / Female

Hunnigan is a strong headed lesbian that falls under the more masculine side but still identifies as female

Any time Leon tried to flirt with her in the beginning, she wanted to jab in his face but couldn't because he was in a different location

The only reason Leon stopped was because Hunnigan made the small joke after one of his flirts saying, "I pull more girls than you without all the stupid pick up lines"

Jake Muller

??????

It must be a Wesker thing because Jake confuses me as well

From one point of view I think "There really isn't enough screen time between him and any other character other than Sherry or Chris, who Jake clearly has a rivalry with"

From the other I think "But there's a chance he's queer of some kind"

But I honestly don't know...

Jill Valentine

Lesbian / Non-binary

You cannot tell me that Mx. Valentine is not a lesbian that doesn't identify as a specific gender

Like, c'mon, LOOK AT THEM

That was theirs and Chris' bonding in S.T.A.R.S. was both of them finding out they were attracted to opposite genders and Jill being non-binary

That's why they're both tight with each other because gays protect each other, it's a code

Karl Heisenberg

GAY / Male

If you think Heisenberg is straight, you are fucking mental

The part of his greatest plan of getting his revenge on Mother Miranda(r) that he didn't tell Ethan was trying to win his heart and running away with him, CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

The moment Heisenberg saw Ethan, he thought, "I'mma make this bitch mine"

Leon Kennedy

(I love him and his stupid food-loving ass)

Bisexual / TRANSGENDER (female-to-male)

Leon's bisexuality has a preference, a preference for men, Ada is his only exception otherwise, he'd be gay

He's SO TRANS, it baffles my mind how much transness oozes off of him

Leon's flirting isn't to necessarily gain a female's attraction but more-so just because it boosts his ego just a bit because he knows he's hot

Piers Nivans

GAY / TRANSGENDER (female-to-male)

Riddle me this, Batman... have you, in your entire life, met ANYONE with the name Piers?

Doubt it, Piers rats out his identity faster than a bullet from his sniper

Also, he's SO in love with Chris, it's so fucking obvious

I said it once and I'll say it again, FRIENDS DON'T LOOK AT FRIENDS THE WAY PIERS LOOKS AT CHRIS

Rebecca Chambers

Aroace / Non-binary

I never remember Rebecca ever trying to gain anyone's attraction on purpose and actually kind of avoided it

They had love for people, but never romantic, they looked at Chris like he was a big brother and not a potential boyfriend

They didn't even show any attraction to Billy, who was more than nice to them while my dumbass was wishing I was getting saved by Billy every 20 seconds

Also, Rebecca being non-binary just clicks in my brain a certain way that works for me

Rosemary Winters

Pansexual / Genderfluid

Rose doesn't quite understand why it should matter who you're attracted to and even got into a few arguments about it

Being born from someone that had a virus also fucked up her genes pretty good, they were born female but their puberty process and mental gender never matched

They never blamed their dad for the weirdness of going through puberty but they did find it a bit annoying

Sherry Birkin

Straight / Transgender (male-to-female)

Sherry started her transition really early and didn't even realize what it was until she was in her 20s

It was also William that helped her be comfortable with herself even as a kid, because Annette sure wasn't about to

Leon made sure that she was okay with herself as well whenever he saw her

Sherry was able to twist her words to be able to get surgeries from the government for free, making excuses that missions would be hard if she didn't have the right kind of body

Sheva Alomar

Bisexual / Female

Sheva also has a bisexual preference, she prefers women over men

Not to say there's only one guy keeping her bi but she's threatened past boyfriends with it, makes her laugh every time

She definitely had a crush on both Chris and Jill in the beginning but it calmed down when she had to actually work with them (mainly Chris)

Steve Burnside

(I RAN OUT OF FUCKING PICTURES OF USE IN THIS STORY AND HE'S THE LAST CHARACTER FUCK!!!)

Bisexual / Transgender (female-to-male)

I think we can all agree that there was definitely something queer with Steve in all versions of him

Steve doesn't have a specific preference and is kind of a hopeless romantic

The sad thing about Steve that kinda separates him from the other trans characters here is that he never got a full transition before he died 🥲

Did I ads that part to make people feel sad for him again? Yes I did because I genuinely liked his character

[akayna]

8. Describe your crush(es)

17. Do you like kissing in public?

20. Do you shower every day?

56. State 8 facts about your body

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

8. So like crushes are mostly one sided things. I'd rather describe my partners in no particular order :p

Nerd! oh wait that's all of them. I love nerds.

Queer in some fashion! Oh wait that's all of them again (and not just because of being polyam. Lotsa intersecting queerness happening)

Adorable as hell! Shit, that's all of them again

Incredibly supportive and make me smile... All of them

Hmm I'm sensing a type.

17. Yeah

20. No. That's on an as needed basis. Sometimes it's needed multiple days in a row, sometimes it's not.

56. I am considered short. I have a freckle on my left boob. I'm hypermobile, but that doesn't always translate to exact type of flexibility I want it to. I have very strong hands. I get headaches from headbands easily. I snap crackle pop my knuckles and joints all day long. I had a knee surgery a few years ago. I only had 3 wisdom teeth and two of them are now gone so I only have 1 wisdom.

58. Communication (duh!). Sharing in emotional labor. Acts of service so that I'm not feeling like I'm the one doing everything all the time. Take to my teasing well, as it will draw me further in. Boba. I had to include it.

65. Since I stopped defining sex as PIV intercourse, I don't think of anything as 'foreplay' specifically, because that implies certain stage gates in the sexy times process that I think are better left more ambiguous. However, the very beginning of sexy times has got to kick off with kissing.

73. I'm not gonna lie, the bar is a bit low right now. Just someone else making us dinner that isn't a box of pasta and a jar of sauce would result in me feeling so incredibly spoiled.

[atlanticcanada]

'Wasn't reliable science': Canadian Blood Services prepares to drop longtime ban on blood donations

A policy that's been deeply offensive to the LGBTQ+ community for generations may finally be falling to the wayside, but advocates say much more will be needed to rebuild trust.

More than six years after the prime minister promised to end the ban on gay and bisexual men donating blood, Canadian Blood Services is set to recommend just that to Health Canada within weeks.

"The upcoming submission is the next step in the process we began nearly a decade ago to make participation in Canada’s Lifeline as inclusive as possible without compromising the safety of biological products or the security of supply," said Catherine Lewis, a spokesperson for CBS said in an email to CTV News.

"This change would allow us to stop asking men if they’ve had sex with another man and instead focus on high-risk sexual behaviour among all donors. It would also remove the need to ask about lower gender-affirming surgery among our trans donors."

The policy is largely a holdover from the AIDS scare of the 1980s.

Canada introduced a lifetime ban for gay men in 1992.

In 2013, it allowed blood to be accepted from those who abstained from sex for at least five years.

It later dropped to a year, and then three months in 2019.

While declining an on-camera interview today, Lewis said "we now have more evidence than ever before indicating the change we are proposing will not compromise the safety or adequacy of the blood supply, including risk modeling for the residual risk of HIV completed with a modeling approach that has accurately predicted the risk of previous policy changes."

"Since the last change to the eligibility criteria for men who have sex with men, two years of post-implementation monitoring has shown no change in rates of HIV risk and no challenges with accurate reporting by donors.

"The risk is extremely low and has not increased with progressive criteria changes.

"Canada continues to have one of the safest blood systems in the world.

Since Canadian Blood Services began managing Canada’s blood system in 1998 for all provinces and territories except Quebec, there has not been a single transfusion-transmitted infection from either hepatitis C or HIV," Lewis said.

Activists say all of this is long overdue, and CBS will have its work cut out for it is it hopes to eventually win back scores of people who've felt discriminated against over the years.

A multi-pronged strategy will likely be needed.

"I think it does take an apology," said Adam Reid, executive director of Halifax Pride.

"I think it takes a lot of outreach and rebuilding trust. It's clear that, unlike HIV, this policy discriminated."

"I really hope that, any change they make to the policy will be accompanied by a really robust plan to make amends," he said.

Beyond and apology and some outreach, others say the change provinces an opportunity for some housecleaning.

"You know, honestly, what I think is there needs to be new leadership to take Canadian Blood Services forward into a new direction," said OmiSoore Dryden, an associate professor at Dalhousie's Department of Community Health and Epidemiology.

"So the person who started in 1998 can't take them forward from 2021."

Dryden, whose research specialties include blood donation systems and HIV and AIDS, says there's been enough evidence to drop the ban for years.

"I'm one of the researchers who received funding from Canadian Blood Services to study this. Mine specifically looks at the experience of black gay and bisexual men, but this information has been coming out for ten or 15 years," she said.

"Canadian Blood Services really could have led the work on this, they could have championed this, understanding that the science they were relying on wasn't reliable science."

Once CBS submits its application to change the screening requirements, it will be up to Health Canada to approve it.

That process, which often involves requests for more information, could take several months to a year.

But after nearly 30 of them, that seems relatively fast.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/3CoEs6r

[whatdamiwatched]

Max & Helen - From the Beginning...

In preparation for the sharpwin ship sailing next week, I went and rewatched season 1 to really contextualise the way their relationship has developed, and I have to say it was quite eye opening.

The Introduction

We are introduced to Georgia in the first scene with Max via his phone screen, there’s a photo of her as his background photo. Their first conversation on screen happens when he calls her in the middle of this day just after he speaks to Helen for the first time

Max- Just calling to say hi

Georgia- Really?

Max- isn’t that what people do?

Georgia- people, yes. You…not so much.

Max- I’m trying, I’m going to change, I’m going to win you back

Georgia- well you have 12 weeks.

It isn’t until later that we find out fully that this marriage is failing and being held together by guilt and a difficult pregnancy, which makes it even worse that Max’s attempt at “trying” was calling her in the middle of the day to say nothing compelling.

Enter Helen- confident, smart, an asset to the hospital and the only doctor Max personally seeks out on his first day- to insist that she immediately cut down on travel or get fired. While the other doctors are stats and figures to him when he starts at New Amsterdam, Helen is Dr Helen. Already their relationship is being established as different from his relationship with the other doctors. In a throat biopsy, he’s distracted by her on tv- so distracted in fact, that he’s pushed to give her another ultimatum even though the first one hasn’t expired.

Max’s ultimatum was significant for Helen because for the first time since she had been running and hiding from the pain in her life, someone saw her and cared enough to make her stop. Even though it was a medical director she just met, and it was because of work, it was grounding for her for someone to see her and need her in that way.

Her choosing to come back was significant, not just because of Max, but because it was the catalyst for facing the emotional baggage she had been trying to escape.

So here we are- Max in the hospital where his sister died and donated her organs, trying to find closure and Helen- weighed down by emotional baggage that she’s ready to face.

Tell Me One True Thing

Georgia and Max meet in the hospital where he works- her energy is light and energetic; their connection is fun and their first date is in the hospital cafeteria. From that scene, their banter is fun and flirty, but Max is relaxed – they both are, it’s an easy connection. When Max proposes, he does it by the hospital when he’s on call! He’s in his scrubs and not only does he think that’s okay- she thinks that’s okay.

Their relationship never really existed outside of his career, he never put her first, and she points this out when she finds out about the medical director job. She knows that he will not choose her over the hospital, especially not the hospital where Luna died. The thing is, Max doesn’t even really try. He never chooses her, and she never actually expects him to.

When he almost dies at the lake and has the temporary epiphany that he has to take his cancer seriously, she doesn’t advocate for him to leave his job- even though…he almost died. She knows the job still comes first. Georgia and Max’s relationship thrived on emotional distance- when Georgia begs him in her hospital bed to tell her one true thing- he could only say- I love you. While he and Helen debated his cancer treatment, her only input was going with what Max wanted? When he woke up from his minor tooth surgery, his first thought wasn’t how the surgery chain went, it was what helen said specifically.

I love my doctor

Before Helen, Max had likely never felt true intimacy and vulnerability. He had likely never been able to be himself completely with a partner. We don’t know much about his relationship with his parents, but we can deduce that he’s not close to them.

Although the physical chemistry was palpable from their first scene, Max and Helen built a friendship based on trust and honesty since they let each other in very early. This relationship was built with the best intentions but every relationship comes to a point where emotion supersedes emotion and that’s where we ended up at 1x 16 where the clairvoyant tells Max that he’s going to lose someone close to hum. As soon as she assured him that it wasn’t his wife, he pulls Helen aside to reassure her and try to explain how he feels about her ending by saying “I love my doctor”.IN THE MIDDLE OF TREATING A PATIENT IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM WHILE MARRIED. At this point, both Max and Helen are at a crossroads of the undeniability of their connection, even though they are both too principled and respectful to call it anything other than “this thing between us”.

At the lake, when he goes to spread ashes for Luna, he says to her- or to the wind that he’s addressing as her- everything I do is because of you. I just keep trying to save you , over and over that’s all I do and I never, never will.

Now where did we end up hearing those EXACT words before?

In that moment, it’s Max admitting that he’s been consumed with emotions that are clouding his judgment and he has to let go.

When Helen uses those words in 2x16, the subtext is the same. By that time, she had saved his life and even Georgia’s life- multiple times. She even saved his life twice in one episode! She saved his life by taking on his cancer in the first place, she saved his life by choosing to pass him off to another doctor when he was using their relationship as an opportunity to not take his cancer seriously and she saved his life by making the decision for him to stop that treatment when it wasn’t working. She took on the role of deputy medical director- which let’s face it was more or less the medical director, she found him, not one but two trials, she gave up half her department that she loved more than anything. She gave up her romantic relationship- she meant it when she said everything I’ve done I’ve done for you- just like Max meant it when he said it to Luna. Max and Helen had have both poured themselves into people that couldn’t pour back, one because she was dead, and the other because he had too many warring emotions to deal with.

Helen could have let Max save her more- he definitely was willing to be that person and showed it many times, but we have to accept that she was in a very difficult position. Just as soon as she felt settled, started a new relationship, made a decision about freezing her eggs, she’s hit with a consuming, intimate relationship with someone that’s married. She had to leave some walls up.  

Everything I Do Is For You

Their characters have gone through a lot- Helen has a dead parent and a dead fiancée, fertility issues and a fear of vulnerability and the feeling of running out of time- Max has a dead wife, who he had outgrown emotionally, raising a child alone, battling with grandparents that blame him for their daughter’s death and parents that by all indications don’t play a significant role in his life, plus a dead sister he has carried with him his whole life. Finding each other was in many ways, the catalyst each of them needed to move forward with life at so many points. For Max, he could have very well died without Helen- Georgia could have died in the bedroom without Helen- his grieving process would definitely have been longer and more complicated without Helen – it wasn’t insignificant that she was the one that pushed the ghost of Georgia out of the apartment, she was an anchor through it all.

For Helen, she was pushed to come back to the hospital and by having that anchor to a place and her patients, she was able to explore romantic relationships and face her fertility and wanting a child head on, she was able to explore how much of herself she could give to another person again after Mohammed died and try another relationship. In turn, she was able to be in a different position when Mina came to live with her.

By Max receiving the kind of selfless love he had never gotten before (from the parts of his story we’ve been told), he was finally able to heal, from so much of the stuff he’d been carrying to come to a place where he feels able to match Helen’s energy. To come to a point where he’s able to see himself as a WHOLE person, not just a flawed one- not just a guilty one- not just an overworked or crazy or erratic one. The speech at the end of 3x13 to Luna’s parents showed just how far he’s come; how much he’s changed and how much his relationship with Helen has changed him. The confidence that he was enough as- is a Max that we had never seen before.

And Helen- naming them- before now, it’s always been Max with his double meanings  and his “I want to build something better for you and Mina” and “It helps not to be alone” and “I can’t do this without you”, but this time it’s Helen- Helen who is saying “us”- Helen who is putting them together as a family and is relaxed and comfortable doing so. Helen who isn’t simply giving him advice as a friend or listening to him but giving him advice as an anchor- we are here and we are fine and you need to fight for our family because it’s worth it.

I see you

The decon shower. His hand trailing down her neck. Those voicemails. Here they are finally, trying to get into an ADULT relationship. Moving beyond the cute hand holding and lingering looks, to hopefully many kisses, many distractions and many mornings waking up next to each other.

Sharpwin is coming and I’m ready!

[tearblossom]

Orbital Station Scene Analysis: Part 3

Lmao here we go again. Ready to fall even deeper down the rabbit hole that is this scene with me!? This one scene functions simultaneously as my source of joy and depression and I watch it more than I would care to admit. So, naturally, I have even more to say about it! It’s going to be long. Sorry.

Part 1- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645095661644251136/scene-analysis-this-is-just-what-i-personally-feel

Part 2- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645776311115186176/i-was-thinking-some-more-about-the-final-scene

In this one, I’ll be going into more detail explaining the emotional mask that I believe Takemura is trying so desperately to keep on during this scene (and undeniably fails at several times, with it coming off entirely upon the scene reaching a certain pivotal moment) and also pointing out the instances that I feel the mask slips occur. Honestly, it’s pretty easy to tell for reasons that I will explain. I’m going to reiterate the fact that I am not a facial expression/body language expert. This is just one human being looking at another human being and trying to figure them out. This is just my personal interpretation of this scene. Prepare yourself for many, many screenshots and gifs. Also, I will be using the same video sources as the other two posts because I don’t have my own footage. 

https://youtu.be/ra-Ij1KU8r4

https://youtu.be/PUmQqVOq5oY

I failed to mention before the reason that Takemura even had to put up the cruel facade in the first place because I didn’t want to state the obvious and insult everyone’s intelligence. We all know the reason but I’ll just say it here anyway: Arasaka. 

Arasaka is listening to Takemura’s every word so he literally cannot say shit to V that would hint at any sort of affection for him/her and absolutely nothing that would indicate any growing uncertainty in said corporation. Words mean nothing here. He has to speak through his eyes and expressions because that is all he has to offer, the only cards he has to play. That is why the meaning of this scene can be so easily missed and flies over so many people’s heads. I do not fault anyone that may have missed this on a first playthrough or even those that are still unaware of it whatsoever because Takemura is very, very convincing at first (his face becomes an open book once the contract gets brought out but we’ll get into that later) and besides, to truly understand something that involves emotions as complex as these caused by equally as complex reasons or anything involving subtext really, takes multiple viewings to truly appreciate.

In summary, what I believe is happening here is that during the entire scene up until the contract gets brought out, his mental state is constantly teetering on the edge of a cliff so to speak. He is trying so hard to fight his sentimentality and control his emotional responses not only to V’s misery and pain but also his own wavering faith in Arasaka because they are watching, listening, and monitoring. And he succeeds extremely well at first but it gets harder and harder for him to maintain the mask. The closer he physically gets to V, the harder it is to pretend, to hide. His eyes alone betray him on several occasions but eventually the whole facade just crumbles and he falls. And when the contract comes into play is when he truly, honestly looks at V and the communication through his eyes really begins.

Here is the key thing- it is the most important visual clue to understanding when things happen: When Takemura is feeling any doubt or his emotions begin to overwhelm him or he fears that they might, he promptly averts his eyes to get himself under control and readjusts the mask that has slipped. 

He looks away from V during these moments!

(Just to clarify, I don’t think that every single moment in the scene that he looks away from V has this deeper meaning behind it. When people talk it’s completely natural for them to turn their heads, avert their eyes to look at other things, etc. These are just some moments that particularly stood out to me as signs pointing to my little theory.) 

Okay...let’s start deciphering this conflicted, broken mess of a man.

Scene starts. Takemura is fiddling with the Rubik’s Cube. He puts it down. Expression cold as ice.

mask on full display in all of it’s glory

They talk about Saburo being back in the body of his son and have this exchange of words:

V: “Saw Saburo Arasaka’s back. In Yorinobu’s body.”

Goro: “Yes. Justice has been done.”

And then it happens for the first time...

(Could this be...doubt perhaps? Has justice really been done?)

Moving on- he walks over to stand behind the chair across from V, telling them of their imminent death.

Goro: “I will be blunt - the surgery did not help. You will be dead before winter.”

And then he proceeds to make this face immediately after...

(Lovely, isn’t it? Just full of sympathy. His mask game is strong. But don’t worry though because V wins in the end BIG TIME.)

Understandably, V gets very upset upon hearing this news.

V: “How... how’s that possible? Arasaka’s got the best and the brightest.”

And then something happens again. Whatever could it be, I wonder!

But wait, there’s more!

(He couldn’t even wait until he finished talking before looking away! It’s getting more difficult for him to look at V with a straight face every second! Also, his expression here is the most broken looking yet.) :(

He must not reveal what is hidden behind this emotional wall that he’s worked so hard to build up specifically for this meeting because the room they are speaking in may just as well be made of glass with Arasaka’s unrelenting gaze, an ever-present entity, on the other side of it. He will do so soon though, when he offers V salvation. The contract raises the stakes. The rules change. He feels the wall breaking and there isn’t anything he can do about it and he knows it.

IT’S CHAIR TIME, CHOOMS!

He looks away another 6 TIMES! Leaning more and more over that edge. Feast your eyes...

IT’S CONTRACT TIME, BABY!

Oh, shit!

It’s happening!!

He does look away here but there’s no mask on when he looks back...only despair.

It’s gone.

TO SIGN OR NOT TO SIGN

The disguise is off now. From this point onward, Takemura looks at V with his true feelings on display. This is where the ability to read the emotion portrayed solely through one’s eyes really comes into play because even though he’s not trying to hide anything anymore, he still can’t say what he really wants to say. We have to feel it through his expressions. His thoughts are so loud during these final moments of the scene that we don’t even need words to know what he’s saying.  

REFUSE TO SIGN

SIGN

HOLY GRAIL MOMENT!

(I’m literally going to copy and paste what I have in my part 2 analysis about this section because I explained my thoughts on it about as well as I am able to there and have nothing else to add. My apologies for repeating myself but I feel the exact same way about it so it still applies here.) 

These reactions make perfect sense because we’ve always known that he cares deeply for V and never stopped. He just couldn’t hide it! But even with this treasure trove of emotional mask slips and unintentional displays of affection, I still wasn’t sure exactly how deeply he cared for V. In other words- if he was actually in love with V or not.

Is he already in love or is he still in the process of falling in love? Is it just a friendly love? (hell no! I knew that was definitely not the case but I still had to ask just so I could cross it off the list!)

And then the two of them walked to the door and said their parting words.

V: “Gonna see each other again?”

Goro: “I believe we will.”

V: “So… see you.”

Goro: “Visit me in Kagawa - I will show you what is real food.”

And then…

he proceeded to make these faces…

HOLY

SHIT!

(The mask isn’t just gone now- it’s burned, splintered, shattered, exploded in a million pieces, disintegrated!)

This man just had the biggest revelation of his entire life: the realization that he is in love with V. These are looks of love and I will not be convinced otherwise. I’m not a facial expression expert or anything, only stating my humble opinions here, but are you seeing this!?

He realizes the truth and it catches him so off guard that he has to look away. He contemplates these newfound feelings and tries to sort them out in the few seconds that he has left with V. And he does. He accepts them. He welcomes them. The gentle, knowing look he gives V when he looks back at them is saying just this.

He also knows that he is now fucked because his love for V is going to complicate things so much more than they already were. Now that he is fully aware that he is in love, these feelings are going to directly conflict with his duties to Arasaka later if a situation arises that places V and Arasaka on opposing sides and I think we all know that is most definitely going to happen at some point.

And now he has to see the love of his life die and just leave this place and go on with his day. Damn. This is turning into one of the saddest love stories I’ve ever seen. Something major is going to happen in the dlc that is going to force his hand one way or another: V or Arasaka? I hope that Arasaka somehow fucks up so bad that it makes his choice easier but my heart breaks imagining the amount of conflict and torment that await him.

The Beginning and The End

[swamp-spirit]

Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?

It’s the question that haunts most disabled people, whether the disability is physical or mental. Is it my fault? Am I just not trying hard enough? How do I know? 

It doesn’t help that everyone has their own opinion, opinions your accommodations and aid depend on. Do you need help, or do you just need to try harder?

Well, here’s my answer for you, an answer that has been very important for me: The question is wrong.

To get into why, let’s discuss different kinds of limits. (note, many disabled people have more than one, if not all of these. this is not an attempt to ‘rank’ disabilities, and all come with their own unique range of issues)

OBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is something you can prove. You can go into the doctor, do a test, and have them clarify that this is a fixed, provable limit. For example, if you are paralyzed from the waist down, that’s a hard line. No amount of luck or willpower will let you walk that day. You might have a form of aphasia that makes you incapable of forming coherent sentences. If you allergic to gluten, you’re allergic to gluten.

SUBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is a consistent, predictable limit that you know, but is not an exact, easily proven fact. For example, ‘if I hear about a car accident, I have a panic attack’. It’s more difficult to prove to external sources, but fairly easy to recognize internally.

UNPREDICTABLE HARD LINE

You know your disability has a clear, observable consequence, but you can’t say exactly how much you can handle before it hits. For example, if you walk to much, your hip freezes up, but you don’t know how much walking will cause it. You may know going to crowded events give you sensory meltdowns, but not know how much you can handle. There is no “I can go to your party for exactly eleven minutes”. 

SOFT LINE

These revolve around energy. Maybe your executive function issues make it hard for you to do homework. Maybe your chronic pain means going shopping leaves you tired. This is where spoon theory becomes popular. Everyone has physical and mental struggles and limits.

-----

The problem is, everybody has soft lines. Everybody gets tired if they push their bodies. Everybody gets stressed or sad or overwhelmed. There’s no exact measurement. 

It makes a lot of us push ourselves towards our hard lines. For example, I struggle with chronic pain and exhaustion, and, at a certain point, faint. After years of being told I was faking it, being dramatic, just needed to push through, starting to actually collapse was the first time people began to realize there was something wrong. I still don’t know how to believe my own body, I don’t know how to forgive myself for not pushing, so I push for the limits. Once I faint, then I’ve finally proved I’m trying, that I’m not just being dramatic or lazy. Mental illness is particularly hard to quantify, and many people are driven to self harm trying to create some proof that their pain is real.

Disabled or lazy? 

What do we do if the answer is lazy? We don’t want to be one of those bad disables who uses our health as an excuse and doesn’t make changes.. Maybe you can just push through it. Maybe if you just HATE yourself enough, you’ll be the person you want to be.

On the flipside, maybe it’s your disability. Not your fault. Out of your hands. No point in trying to fix it.

Obviously, neither of these are healthy places to stay, but if the two options are ‘it’s my disability and I have no control’ or ‘it’s my fault and I could fix it if I cared’, what else can you do? It also makes us lash out at hope. After all, if you can get better, isn’t it... kinda your fault that you aren’t? Aren’t you choosing to stay sick?

Because here’s the core problem: You are like this for a reason.

What is lazy? There’s this attempt to boil ourselves down to what’s ‘us’, the core traits open for moral judgement, and what’s ‘not our fault’, experiences outside us that shape our actions. It’s particularly obvious in the way we discuss criminals.

But we’re all the way we are for a reason. Every asshole has mental and social reasons to be an asshole. Nature and nurture, baby.

So what? None of it’s our fault and we should do what we want and blame other factors?

Of course not, but the reverse isn’t any better! Let’s look at a common issue:

I don’t clean as much as I want. Is it my disability, or am I lazy?

If you’re lazy, what do you actually do? Well, you stop being lazy! You buck up and Do The Dang Thing!

But if wanting to do it was enough, you wouldn’t be worrying about it in the first place. Maybe you’ll force yourself to clean for ten minutes, but the real thing you ingrain is self loathing. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Hate yourself healthy.

That’s not constructive because you’re fixing the wrong problem. So what do you do? How do you give yourself agency without basing it around guilt? How do you change without shame?

. Instead of asking if your problems are ‘real’, here’s what I recommend:

1. Why am I not acting the way I want to act?

Don’t accept any answer that has moral judgement. Cut the word lazy. It’s useless. Don’t ask if it’s ‘your fault’ you have Type II diabetes, if you ‘should be able to’ pay attention in class. Cut moral judgement from the process.

Actually understanding why you act the way you do might take time, research, and thought, but changing behavior does!

Example: Why am I eating so much junk food when I know it’s making me feel worse?

Bad answer - I’m depressed

Worse answer - Because I’m a glutton with no self control

Good answer - My depression makes me seek out temporary highs from food because long term highs aren’t working, and I have self control issues that mean I often don’t act in my own best interests.

2. What are my barriers?

Once you’ve identified what’s stopping you, get into more details. If you find doing dishes overwhelming, why? What parts of the process do you find overwhelming or uncomfortable?

For the more general answers (motivation, energy, etc), what are your barriers to the solutions? What steps might help with your depression and what’s stopping you from taking those? Why don’t you do your physical therapy?

3. Is this something I can change? Is this something I can change now?

Earlier we talked about hard lines. Those come back in here. Some things, even with unlimited time and resources, remain fact. It’s not ‘giving up’ to accept a hard ‘cannot’. That said, be careful not to listen to mental illness ‘cannots’ in this situation. For example, I have been told by professionals I will probably always need psyciatric medication to be functional, no matter how good my self talk and lifestyle is. Accepting that, I think, is healthy. It would not be healthy, however, to decide that I ‘cannot’ have a good life.

But you do not have unlimited time and resources. When I said ‘what are your barriers’, plenty of you probably went “MONEY! IT’S MONEY, YOU ASSHOLE” Sometimes it means knowing an issue can’t be addressed until you have money/time/surgery. 

It’s okay to put things on the backburner. If you’re trying to figure out ‘how do I keep from being homeless next week’, you might decide ‘how do I eat more vegetables’ is not your most pressing issue.

You can also decide a fix isn’t worth the cost. Maybe you could afford knee surgery, but you don’t think the amount it would improve your life would be worth the expense or risk. Maybe you could take the stairs to class, but it would leave you too exhausted to pay attention.

Sometimes you realize ‘I want something more than I want to fix this’, and... that’s okay. Sometimes you aren’t ready for a change. Sometimes you don’t need to change. But if the change really is something you want:

4. Make a plan that directly confronts your barriers?

You’ve already broken your barriers into small, objective issues. Now you can start working on those issues. 

If you know you need to eat better, and your main barrier is impulse control, don’t plan to ‘stop eating junk food’. Figure out healthy, easy snacks you like and leave them in plain view.

Find ways to make chores easier. Learn to cook while seated, try playing music while you clean, find what works for you. If it doesn’t work, try something else.

Talk frankly with the people in your  life. Try to help them understand what your barriers are and make them allies in overcoming them. “I know it’s important I do this, and I am trying. Here is the specific element I am struggling with. Do you have advice for that?”

I particularly love this conversational tactic with doctors. Here is a conversation I had with a lot of doctors:

Doctor: You need to fix this habit. Me: I know. I’m sorry. Doctor: It’s really important. Here’s why it’s important.

I would get upset and defensive that the doctor seemed to think I didn’t care, and that the solution was just shaming me into caring more. The doctor would probably see me as unwilling to change.

Here is the conversation we have now:

Doctor:  You need to fix this habit. Me: That’s a priority for me too, but I’m really struggling with x and y hasn’t helped. Do you have any advice that helps people with x?

This either gets me advice on my actual problem instead of just being shamed for not fixing it, or it forces the doctor to change the topic and perhaps redirect me to somebody with more experience.

Write down lists of issues you want to address with your doctor. Focus on concrete steps and goals, and celebrate every win. People might not see how hard your fight is, but if getting out of bed in the morning is a fight, you have every reason to celebrate it.

But your barrier is NOT that you are lazy. It is not that you are bad or stupid or worthless. You cannot hate yourself healthy.

Your struggles are real, and the steps to overcome them are based in understanding, agency, and support, not self loathing.

[okay-victoria]

Random Personal Rant

For anyone somehow here not from the original thread, this started off me getting asked what finishing school is and me getting shit off my chest that is only mildly relevant about how I could both be of the social class that gets sent to finishing school and grows up on welfare.

With an understanding that in many parts of the world it wouldn't qualify as so, as far as the US goes, my dad is from what counts as a very old money family from Baltimore & Philadelphia. Both his siblings went to college and one now owns a major hedge fund, and his sister is married to a C-level executive at a huge conglomerate. His parents went to college. His grandparents went to college. All eight of his great grandparents went to college. My dad...did not go to college. He was not about that life, and while I don't mean it as an insult, when I say his primary occupation until I was ~5 was a drummer in a mediocre band I mean that he opened for a lot of great acts, and if you lived in the Boston to Atlanta area in the 80s you may have heard him play, but he was never a huge national name. But he wasn't an amateur band playing for free at some random local gig either.

My mom grew up on a chicken farm in a Mennonite family in Pennsylvania but also completely rejected her heritage and became a model, sort of like my father, of mediocre status. Not Giselle Bundchen, but had national contracts and if you have a Graco ad/box from 1990-1993 you might see both me and her on it. They met because my mom's friends placed bets, one each, on who could sleep with a member of their favorite local band first and my mom picked my dad and...my mom was actually supposed to go be a model in Tokyo and found out she was pregnant with me and couldn't go 😂

So, after my parents had two kids back to back with a third on the way and determined they needed lifestyles more in line with having three children, they became much poorer than they originally were because my mom stopped working and my dad, with a barely-passed-high-school education but needing a true "day job" worked day labor in construction. My dad's father was too proud to give us money/help if my dad didn't beg for it; despite having eventually four young children my dad never did so we ended up on all the state assistance programs one could imagine. My grandma jokes that dinners at my parents house were BYOC - bring your own chair, because we didn't own any.

My mother and paternal grandmother had no such pride issues and I live in eternal gratitude that my welfare childhood was not as crappy as it should have been because my grandmother would have my mom accompany her on grocery runs and buy us food without my father or grandfather knowing, and every Christmas and birthday my grandparents/godparents could give us the one big ticket gift all the kids wanted that year. But, on the other side, I once got stung by a bee inside my mouth because my brother threw a hairbrush through a cracked window at me and broke it and we couldn't afford to fix it for about two years and a hornet got in one day and rested himself in my coke can (my parents were the very American type that fed me coca-cola in baby bottles at age 8 when I was jealous of my younger siblings lol).

It is hard not to believe in "toxic masculinity" when two men warring over dumbass pride issues would rather their children/grandchildren go without food than suck it up and decide 'help' isn't the worst word in the English language, and you know you've only been saved by two women who came from totally different backgrounds and entirely disapproved of each other but reached out the hand to shake when it came down to toddlers getting the short end of the don't-bend-the-knee stick. It wasn't that either of the men were bad people, I loved them both and got along great with both, but on a societal level I feel they were socialized in a very fucked up way if that was the end result, as both claimed "male pride" in these instances [my dad took multiple thousands of dollars I'd saved from working during college from me during the 2008-2010 financial crisis and didn't tell me and that was the reason I was given for why I hadn't been informed/asked, because it would be too emotionally difficult for an adult man to ask a young woman. My graduation present was them repaying me 1/3 of the money they'd taken from me without asking because I'd like, trusted them when it had been in a joint account that was a holdover from when I was <18 and couldn't have my own bank account].

While in some ways my parents on the surface achieved the American dream of going from nothing to a bunch of money, the real factor in play was that my dad's father was the bank. My parents had no credit and couldn't get real loans. My dad worked construction and during the two major periods that flipping houses was very lucrative, he never had to get an actual loan or pay actual interest, he just had to ask his father to pay out cash and then repay him at a flat 2% interest rate that didn't even accrue over time, just...whenever you are ready, repay the value of the loan + 2%. Because my father was doing something productive, in these instances, my grandfather was happy to pay, because it wasn't giving away money, it was loaning it. I had a very weird situation of mostly being poor but like also getting taken to the "big donors" events at the Kennedy Center and my grandparents regularly buying me a dress as a child worth more than my mom's wedding dress and also needing to pretend I fit in with these people.

And look. When I say "these people"...honestly, by and large, most wealthy people, whether inherited or not, are not the assholes you want to imagine. Most of them are extremely nice. Most of them are generous when it comes to the less fortunate who are in their personal sphere of being. Most of them are just really out of touch. The 100% kindest of all of them that I know once relayed to me that she thought people would be happier if once a year they did what she did...go to the airport with a purse packed full of absolute necessities, buy a one way ticket to the most appealing destination on the flight board, buy your clothes and book your accommodations after you'd arrived, and come back after you felt you'd 'centered' yourself. She didn't understand why there were so many unhappy people who weren't taking this very obvious route to being happier. I didn't quite know how to explain that saying "most" people couldn't afford to do that either financially or from a job/career angle didn't even cover it, as "most" sounds like 70% instead of 99.7%.

I was both my parents eldest son and eldest daughter in the worst combination possible. I was the eldest son because I was the most stereotypically male of all my siblings, in everything from desire to physically fight the battles I was given to dislike of shopping/fashion to lack of emotional connection to my relationships, so I can now fix your average household plumbing/drywall/electrical issue better than most "city" guys I interact with and remain less clingy to them in the process. I was also very much the oldest daughter from a responsibility perspective, I managed our household and from age 10 - 24 managed the finances of our family business, my mom almost died giving birth to my youngest brother after a ruptured uterus that should never have happened in the first place if we had adequate insurance to get her a non-emergency C-section (I was just past 9 years old at the time) and I was informally withdrawn from school for two years to take care of the family when she couldn't because there is no paid parental leave in the US and we got double-fucked by the medical industry because she got a bad "mesh" put in and then had to have a further surgery to repair that which we also had to pay for and didn't have the money to win a lawsuit over.

I don't know quite how to put this, but in the deepest fuck you of the universe, my rich-immigrant-ggggg grandfather's money led to him owning banks, insurance companies, etc, and the family cashed out in a big way when their ownership was bought by and merged with what is now Cigna, one of the biggest US healthcare insurers, and my nuclear family specifically got screwed by the American health insurance industry, but anyway, we were the people selected for that karmic comeuppance so if you want to feel schadenfreude at my expense, I'll allow it without begrudging the sentiment, my family might have fucked up your family’s life too, not just their own.

I got up twice a night to feed my brother because my dad had to sleep unmolested in my room to get to work and my mom was too weak to carry my brother or even hold him against her while she nursed so I had to hold him up to her. Adjusting to living in a city and hearing lots of random noises all the time was not easy when I'd had mom sound instincts from age 9.

I learned to drive the fall my youngest bro was born because my mom couldn't and I had to get my middle brother to preschool and go the grocery store on my own. While I hold absolutely no ill will towards my father or grandfather for this and given that about 1/3 of my paternal family either has an autism diagnosis or should, I fully feel the struggles they both went through to be communicated with, my father wouldn't ask for help, and my grandmother that lived 20 minutes away couldn't give enough help because my grandfather refused to do a single dish on his own as that was outside their "marriage contract" type agreement and she couldn't ever stay with us overnight when there wasn't a clearly-communicated need, so they let the burden fall on a 9 - 11 year old child and that really shaped a lot of my life in both good and bad ways. My youngest brother is 22, and we have only just climbed out of the medical debt his birth left us with between my dad's life insurance and my oldest brother and I paying for the extra cost of out-of-state college tuition.

The irony of all of this is that because my father died before his father, when my grandmother dies, my siblings and I will all inherit enough money (as a non-blood relative my mom, despite keeping her vows to part at death and not having remarried in eight years, is cut out entirely) to make this a non-issue, but my grandfather couldn't conscience spotting his unluckiest child some money in the end of days to pay for my youngest two brothers' education and take that worry off my father as he was dying. The day before he died I had to hold him down in bed to keep him from trying to climb in his truck to go to work because he was so anxious about trying to provide for us in spite of his father having fuck you money, because his father didn't think it was fair to the other siblings (who, at the time, still owned a major hedge fund and were married to a C-level executive of a huge conglomerate). A day and a half later I went back to my job because at the time I was then the sole provider for the family and didn't want to risk asking for the standard week's bereavement leave when I knew I was capable of showing up at work the next day and was fresh out of college so hadn't built up a reputation yet.

My father worked the day each of us was born, so I suppose it is only fair and he smiled at the choice. In spite of what it may seem, I gave a baller and very heartfelt speech at his funeral to all his rich friends that over and above everything, he'd taught us how to be happy with our own lives no matter what, and multiple of them emailed my mom in the aftermath to say they'd reassessed their relationship with their children in light of it, although...tbh I kind of doubt that lasted and they probably changed nothing 😅. The last good talk I had with him, two weeks before he died [his liver was going and it sent toxins to his brain that de-personed him after that and he no longer recognized me as his daughter, but as his sister], I reassured him that though we would all be sad he'd gone, we'd live on just fine without him because that's how he'd raised us, and according to my mom that was what gave him the final bit of peace he needed. Although honestly, I don't think I will ever see the strength in another human again that it took my grandmother to sit next to him and stroke his hand and tell him to close his eyes and imagine he was happy on a beach and die, for God's sake, because he was unaware and in pain and just prolonging it for our sake by then.

That type of obsession my grandfather had with assessing his children and grandchildren on the basis of economic productivity and a very black and white idea of "fair" is one you don't easily forget, I promise you. My hedge fund uncle is currently positioning himself to screw us out of our inheritance because of janky writing in the will and I'm doing my fuck all best to gain the wherewithal to go toe-to-toe with this cold motherfucker in court as the oldest and representative member of my happily much nicer and softer younger brothers who I want to remain that way not because I even care that much about the money, I know what bills affect your credit first and what you can put off paying and all of us have good enough career prospects to do our own thing, but just because I want to give the middle finger to a man that was a multi-millionaire and drew lines on his milk and orange juice bottles when I came over so he knew if I drank what my parents couldn't afford when I was approximately six. Anyway, ask me why I support major reforms in wealth taxation. I don't care who it goes to, just not that guy, you feel?

Having expendable income was very exciting for a bit after I started working but once I got to the hateable point of assessing my annual bonus and internally complaining that I'd spent the money I should have spent on a Sauternes cellar to drop five digits on bedset materials (to be fair they are drop dead gorgeous, very comfy and the factory pays a living wage for people to handmake the sheets/duvets/pillows to people in San Francisco, which is not cheap, so maybe I did more good than harm with that), I two seconds later nodded to myself and went "the government needs to confiscate more money from me". The narrative is always that the "undeserving" will use it for dumb things they don't need like iPhones or refrigerators...?...but like...I could also have gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a very nice sheet/comforter set for at most a tenth of what I paid so am I really spending it responsibly either....?....who is going to get more joy out of this misspent money....?....not me, that is for sure, I probably would have had more fun going to BBB and laying on all the demo beds and buying something there.

My lifelong dream, which may become possible if/when I do have something of an inheritance, is to provide food security for one of the many towns in the US were most residents don't have it. It's the thing I remember the most distinctly over the years. I never could quite believe it when I got to the point that I could just...pay to eat at a restaurant. One of the most disappointed my mother has ever been in me is when I was twenty five and confessed I actually had no idea how much a gallon of milk cost in a city grocery store besides that it was probably between $1 and $5, because I didn't have to know. For now I make a weekly drop off of my excess produce to a mom group I met under somewhat weird circumstances but I was walking through the cut-through that went through the low-income housing back to my apartment at like 2 AM on a Saturday and these moms were out there partying and smoking weed with their kids all strapped in strollers around or the older ones watched by a rotating member of the group and I felt very safe and like these moms had a very good vibe of both living their own lives [seriously for mental health parents but in most cases specifically mothers need to be able to keep up relationships with people their age] but keeping their children safe and accounted for while doing so and trying their fuckin' best against all the odds to figure out how to make that happen when life had dealt them a shit hand.

...anyway, looping way back to the original question of what finishing school is, when I was almost done with middle school my dad had built a legit construction business that then very quickly took off because we lived in a commutable zip code to the now-rich-in-their-own-right people he went to high school with who trusted him to redo their homes. We eventually moved to that zip code but I stayed and commuted back to my old high school. But, i was a pretty wild kid which my father appreciated for a long while because I would follow him around on jobs and enjoy doing physical labor, but once I was mid-puberty and also he had to maybe show me to his high school friends that did not fly.

I snapped - not broke, snapped - my left thumb and my parents had to trap me like a wild animal to get me to go the hospital. Then I got a deep cut that partially injured a tendon in my leg and at eleven I tried to beat the shit out of my dad to prevent him from picking me up to strap me in the car and go to the hopsital. Next I got a deep splinter due to my eternal-barefoot tendencies and it wouldn't come out so got infected and I refused to go to the doctor [another weird back story but I was minorly sexually assaulted [[to be clear, not raped or anything big traumatic]] when I was eight and had to stay in hospital for a week and my parents couldn't be with me all the time so I have a permanent heebie-jeebie about going to the hospital, not true anxiety, I will go if I know I need to and I don't breathe heavy or anything, and I'm actually not permanently weirded out by sex or anything, just doctors in hospitals specifically I kind of unconsciously try to justify not needing to the extent I can rationalize it] and my dad was tired of my antics so he was like "fine if you don't go I will slice your foot in half with a Swiss Army knife to get it out" and I called his bluff and laid down on the floor, stuck my foot on his lap, and he didn't really know what to do when a barely fourteen year old girl called his bluff so my brothers watched in fascinated but horrified awe as I got my foot sliced open spectacularly so that the infection/splinter could come out and I didn't even make a sound out of spite despite it being quite painful to my recollection almost twenty years later.

They saw me cry from pain exactly one time when while trying to break up a fight between all three of them (it was over ice cream) I got pushed and my ankle got dislocated and what actually made me cry was snapping it back in place and they realized it was not a joke. These dumb assholes that I love have ragged on me for "skipping" chores the day after I was in the hospital because the day before that I had to spend 18 hours running Thanksgiving as a good sub-hostess like I didn't have a serious infection that needed treating and couldn't rest because none of them were up to any task beyond peeling potatoes.

After the Swiss Army knife incident, my dad's discussion of sending me to finishing school became real, which I knew when my mom made me take a walk with her and talked about it. Finishing school is like...etiquette school....? In ye olden day when finishing high school was not the norm for anyone, wealthy men finished high school and wealthy women often went to "finishing" school to have a combined education on being a proper lady but also being able to hold a decent conversation with your presumably-educated husband, so it wasn't entirely etiquette non-academic. It was more just like "what a rich man wants in a wife" school, which was sort of household management and knowing enough about cleaning/cooking to correct the staff if they fucked up, how to be a polite hostess, and how to not entirely bore him when you were alone together and had done your five minutes of sex or whatever so actually had to have a conversation. In modern times it has obviously expanded to be less bleak.

I said miss me with that, I can be a girl on my own, so I went full throttle into the girliest sport they offer in high school and ever since have gained the inestimable advantage of knowing how to also use femininity to my advantage, which I am very grateful to my parents for making me learn. It would be great if we lived in a world where that didn't count, but it did/still does, and they really set me up to operate in all the worlds.

It is weird for me to tell the story to Internet strangers because it's one of those things that makes your parents sound terrible and abusive in the general tone of the Internet nowadays, and while I support gender nonconforming children I don't remember my childhood or parents that way. But, I feel like the bits and pieces of my life I've given don't always make a ton of sense together without the context, so here it is, and in the end, I think a number of parts of it are areas where you can probably understand where it makes me have the opinions I do when I write.

Anyhoo, this makes my life sound far worse than it is, I actually have a great life and I am not unhappy with it at all and feel I was on the whole blessed with many more turns of luck than unluck, so, please, do not take this as a depressed artist rant, it is more like a rant of a very energetic person who rants about a lot of things all the time and didn’t need to come out but just did because the question was asked and the time was right with my life being in a bit of flux to think about how I got where I am and where I want to go and why.

Always remember no matter what problems it seems like I have, if I didn’t solve them on my 2 year round the world traveling hiatus I took from working, it’s my own fault, I definitely had the time and money to solve them and just chose not to.

[wendibird]

SPN 15X17 Observations

Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :) 

And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time. 

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?) 

Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL*  (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)

Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed* 

- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?

- Silent treatment.

- I wonder if she’s guessed.

- fuck you Dean!

(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son. 

I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.

As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.

- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.

- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.

- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.

Commercial Thoughts:

Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.

And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.

I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.

- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.

- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?

- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*

- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?

- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.) 

- Pretty Crystals!

- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.

- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)

- (oh, okay, all of them)

- Ewww….. Open heart surgery

- Rib!

- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.

- Talk time.

- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.) 

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)

- Uh-oh! Ideas! 

- I love two researching nerds!

- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.

- Yey door!

- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

- Who dat?

- Dead someone or other

- W section.

- Reapers maybe?

- Who’s thinning the ranks?

- Empty!Meg!

- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.) 

- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!

Commercial Thoughts:

*FREAKING OUT!!!*

Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.

Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.

OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.

The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.) 

But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.

- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)

- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.) 

- Chuck played her (Amara) too.

- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That episode!

Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show. 

Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?

Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.) 

And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people. 

How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right? 

And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to. 

IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*

SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.

I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…) 

I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them. 

Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.) 

This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here. 

(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!) 

And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.) 

And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted. 

I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*

We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.) 

I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants. 

(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.) 

And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too. 

Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth. 

Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*

[morsking]

i was told to come here for fate zero kotomine kirei questions? i was thinking about kirei in f/z and realized i don't think i actually completely understood his arc and specifically how it relates to his spirituality/belief in God? can you explain to me what happened to this strange knife-throwing man

i’d be VERY happy to, i love talking about kirei even if i don’t do it very often.

this is something that becomes a little more clear later on in heaven’s feel but the gist of it is that kirei has an inexplicably sadistic nature he does not understand where it comes from or why he has it. for the majority of fate/zero’s first part, he doesn’t even know it exists until gilgamesh slowly draws it out of him by making him deconstruct his own thought process and personal beliefs.

kirei was raised catholic and had a priest for a father, so kirei had catholic teachings of altruism and asceticism hammered into his young brain on top of risei’s, his father’s, expectations and desires for kirei to be “pure and beautiful”, just like kirei’s name suggests. 

kirei, however, secretly felt repressed by those teachings and expectations since forsaking personal happiness and helping others never brought him any joy, and because he never felt any joy in helping others, he reasoned that joy and pleasure were sinful indulgences that a believer, much less a priest, should never partake in. he therefore internalized displeasure and complete emotional detachment as a natural and righteous state of life. this, coupled with the catholic belief that selflessness in life would mean salvation in death, resulted in kirei becoming far too guilty to ever chase after pleasure because doing so would mean betraying not just the faith in his Lord, but also all the hard work and love his father had put into raising him as a pure and beautiful person. kirei respected his father’s ideal and tried his best to live up to it, but fundamentally could not understand it, and he could not love the man it belonged to. in response to these emotions, kirei resorted to grievous and deadly methods of self-harm to keep himself walking the righteous path.

nevertheless, kirei could not contain his curiosity (and unbeknownst to him, his yearning) for pleasure and travelled the world attempting to find meaning and enjoyment in different activities. he graduated top of his class, skipped grades as an exceptional student, worked diligently as an executor, and even ate some of the most exquisite delicacies known to man... and found them all tasteless and unfulfilling. kirei was a truly hopeless individual with no direction or sense of self and personhood. he had failed to find meaning in basic, and even some luxurious, delights every human being desires to experience.

in a desperate, final gambit to connect with the inner humanity he lacked his entire life, kirei attempted to fall in love with a woman called claudia ortensia. claudia was terminally ill, and was not expected to live for much longer. while she did love him, he could not bring himself to reciprocate despite his best efforts. they were together for two years and had a child, caren, out of wedlock. throughout his time with claudia kirei could only find salvation in claudia’s suffering. but claudia, an incorregible saint, was willing to suffer if it meant bringing him joy and salvation. claudia slowly died, and soon enough her time was at hand. kirei believed that as her husband it was his duty to at least say his farewells on her deathbed. as claudia lay dying, kirei relayed the simple fact to claudia that after all their time together, he did not love her. to prove him wrong and save him, she disconnected her life support machine. kirei cried at the sight of wife selflessly dying to save him, and claudia, with her fading strength, told him that those tears were proof that he did love her, and that love is proof of his humanity. 

unbeknownst to either of them, the true reason kirei cried was because he didn’t get to kill her himself.

kirei handed over his child to the church. if marriage did not save him, parenthood wouldn’t either. kirei contemplated suicide, but instead opted to return to his teachings and live as an executor, craving even the most artificial of purpose to justify his existence. 

we then reach fate/zero. kirei is at his lowest emotional point, and sensing the pit in his soul yearning for purpose, the grail bestows him with command spells. kotomine risei contacts his ally tohsaka tokiomi, and takes kirei under his wing as an apprentice in magecraft. 

kirei is a natural prodigy at magecraft, and is able to almost master every single discipline before abandoning it in frustration at his failure to find fulfillment and joy in it. (interestingly enough, he has a particularly high affinity for spiritual healing and surgery.) while kirei intends to follow tokiomi and risei’s orders to crown tokiomi as the victor of the grail war, he secretly begrudges being a bored pawn with no freedom and bears no actual loyalty to either of them.

in the world’s most bizarre boy-meets-girl scenario in the history of anime, kotomine kirei learns of emiya kiritsugu. kiritsugu is a mercenary employed by the einzberns to participate in the holy grail war. he has fought in countless battlefields, only joining the fight when combat is at its fiercest. he has killed scores upon scores of mages who deviate from the clocktower’s rules, and has been reported to have taken extreme measures in his assassinations such as bringing down an entire commercial airline just because his target was in it. kirei is mystified by kiritsugu’s lack of moral restraint, personhood, and regard for his own life. kirei immediately projects his own lack of self into kiritsugu and is desperate to understand him. he vows to meet kiritsugu in battle to finally grasp the answer to the question that is his existence.

as he attempts to meet kiritsugu throughout the story, kirei is approached by gilgamesh, the world’s most ancient hedonist. gilgamesh senses that kirei is repressing a fundamental part of himself, and that’s the true source of kirei’s unhappiness. gilgamesh attempts to make kirei realize that kirei has never lacked anything, he’s just tried to avert his gaze from the truth of his own nature. gilgamesh tells kirei that pleasure and joy aren’t things that are inherently sinful. human beings instinctively seek pleasure as and end in and of itself, and kirei is no different. because pleasure is a natural human drive, it can never be something unforgivable. to drive his point further, gilgamesh asks kirei that if he can’t see himself winning, then he should try to imagine a scenario where the war’s weakest combatant, matou kariya, does. 

kirei does try, but before he can tell kirei what he envisions, gilgamesh stops him. gilgamesh reveals that there was no point to engaging in speculation when kirei asks if there was one, but the fact kirei did anyway shows he found a meaningless notion entertaining, and therefore, fulfilling. this comes to a head when kirei decides to heal kariya’s burn wounds after his confrontation with tokiomi. kirei experiences a rush he’s never felt before. he hasn’t just helped kariya stay in the race for the grail out of his own volition, he has done it against his master’s orders and best interests. 

when risei is killed by kayneth, kirei finds his grief to be oddly forced and empty. surely, he must be devastated at the death of his father, the man who loved him, raised him, taught him, and made him who he is today. but strangely, his grief seems to be directed at something else. that’s when gilgamesh appears to him and tells him the reason why he’s sad isn’t that his father died, but that kirei didn’t get to kill him himself. this shocks kirei to his core, but he’s also forced to entertain that notion. once he realizes that gilgamesh IS right about what kirei really wanted out of his father, he’s ordered by tokiomi to leave japan and exit the war as demanded by irisviel if an alliance between the tohsakas and the einzberns against the matous is to take place. kirei secretly meets with gilgamesh, who is bored and frustrated with tokiomi, and they agree to partner up and kill tokiomi. kirei realizes that there was a satisfaction in killing tokiomi and having the last thing he ever saw be kirei betraying him and asserting his personal desire over his obligation to his teacher. 

kirei, now fully committed to discovering what he yearns for the most, tells kariya he will allow him to duel tokiomi once more in exchange for bringing him the container of the holy grail and the person closest to kiritsugu: irisviel. unbeknownst to kariya, tokiomi’s wife aoi has been summoned to the church by kirei. kariya finds tokiomi already dead, and aoi walks into kariya holding tokiomi’s corpse. aoi believes kariya has killed tokiomi, and angrily accuses kariya of never having loved anyone. kariya reaches the breaking point of his rage and suffering after being rejected by aoi, the person he was enduring torture and humiliation for, and asphyxiates her in madness. realizing what he’s done, kariya runs away from the church wailing in grief and guilt. kirei and gilgamesh had watched the whole affair, and kirei realizes that what he finds meaning and pleasure in is inflicting suffering upon others and watch them collapse under the crosses struggles they carry. while he does not understand why he is this way, he nevertheless wants to find out to feel complete and intends to use the grail for that purpose.

kirei meets with irisviel, and demands answers for his questions about emiya kiritsugu. irisviel reveals kiritsugu is not the heartless killing machine kirei believed him to be, but fundamentally an altruist who wishes to shower the world in peace and blessings and seeks the grail for that purpose. she condescends kirei by telling him kiritsugu is not like him, he is far better and that’s why kiritsugu will not lose. finally understanding the man whose nature has eluded him and finding where kirei’s karma stands in relation to him, kirei kills irisviel and vows to destroy kiritsugu’s dream with his own hands. 

when kiritsugu and kirei fight and the grail interferes by crowning kiritsugu the winner rather than reach a stalemate, kirei watches kiritsugu speaking with angra mainyu. he observes kiritsugu realizing that what he wanted all along was to live peacefully with his family even if it meant forsaking the world to a violent extinction. he is baffled at kiritsugu rejecting the cursed genocidal grail, and demands kiritsugu to hand it over if he doesn’t want it, because kirei has the need to find the defining principle of his own existence. after kiritsugu kills kirei and has saber destroy the grail, the curses that spill out of it engulf kirei’s corpse and resuscitate him. angra mainyu has declared kirei as the winner for the sake of using him as an anchor and a midwife for his eventual birth. 

upon seeing angra mainyu’s catastrophe, kirei concludes that the calamity he is standing over is what his heart has yearned for all this time. he laughs in shock, irony, and glee that despite kotomine risei’s righteous nature and teachings, kirei is simply a monstrous and heretical cur who thrives in the agony of mankind. when gilgamesh asks if the sight of angra mainyu’s birth has satisfied him, kirei replies that it doesn’t, because kirei has been shown the end result of his desire rather than the actual philosophical principle and logical process that guides to the outcome. so for the next 10 years, kirei wrestles with the fact that he still cannot abandon his teachings and his obligation to be somewhat helpful as a priest for the desire to reject and challenge god and allow angra mainyu to fully manifest in this world and engulf it completely to finally give his existence meaning and validity because he knows his impulses to be wrong and yet needs to know why he has them and whether he is still worthy of living while having them. he is willing to manipulate and kill and betray and curse and deprive and destroy the world just for that chance at redeeming his existence because not understanding himself and having denied himself joy for so long has utterly broken him as a person and this is all he has left after a lifetime of denying himself happiness, empathy, and understanding to work through his feelings. to bless angra mainyu’s birth as a man of the cloth would reconcile his religious principles and belief in a merciful all-loving god with his yearning to accept and comprehend himself, because if angra mainyu can be allowed to live and prosper in this world while being the unforgivable culmination of all sin, then maybe he can too. (this is also a powerful and intimate parallel to both shirou and sakura that deserves its own post that i may or may not write later.)

that’s pretty much his development throughout zero and his defining character struggle in fate/stay night. this is something that spring song will delve into further and it’s actually quite interesting how such a bastard of a man suddenly becomes so sympathetic towards the end of the entire game. 

grace if you ever have time for it i heavily encourage you to read through the heaven’s feel route whether through letsplayarchive or by playing realta nua yourself whilst we wait for a spring song release in the west because your perception of everyone will change drastically as you understand them at a much deeper level the movies could not show because of runtime constraints. i hope this explanation wasn’t too long or convoluted or raised more questions than delivered answers. three good friends of mine, thessaliah, kurozu501, and avicebro here on tumblr can probably elaborate further and offer more insight if you’re interested. 

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

You ask for prompts and I'm here again to seek new content to read: 3. How often do/can they see each other (due to living on different planets, having stressful jobs, etc) with Gashir (/Garakshir) 🤩🤩

 Eyyyyy. I am just gonna… casually fold into this… a little trans-Bashir as a treat…. because it’s trans day of visibility!!! Also I hc Cardassians as intersex, in the sense of they as a species don’t call themselves intersex, but their genders are far more loosely determined at birth, because there’s not really sexual dimorphism (or rather, there is, but it’s so many different factors that it’s not classified) and then gendering comes later in life depending on what role they’re supposed to play in society ahem – different post to make!

Also Garak has a tail in this, also casually.. also this got longer than intended… oops?

—– Letter Analysis ——

1.

Their lives have a sort of normality that many families in this day and age exist with. Space travel, careers that necessitate being off-planet for long stretches at a time, the struggles of being a representative for entire planets or systems, all of this isn’t out of the ordinary.

Still, it takes them a little while to adjust, if only because they spent so long not getting it together that now that they have, well, they want to savour it. On the flip-side their relationship functions much better than so many who enter into partnerships of some kind without fully considering the difficulties of spending so much time apart and inevitably crumble.

Because of all that time they know, without a doubt, that their lives are entwined for good, regardless of how much of it they spend without one another’s physical company.

They fall into letter-writing naturally. After all, they had been doing the same before, why stop now.  

2.

It has become something of a competition at this point: who can write the longest letter. Thus far, Julian is winning and Elim is still in the process of reading his when they see one another again. He pretends to be blasé about it, but Julian can read him easily these days. He wonders at the time when he couldn’t and can’t really picture it.

While Elim is giving him a back-handed compliment at the way he’s managed to fold three words worth of content into whole paragraphs, Julian realises that he’s never known anyone as well as he knows Elim. And every detail of himself is known in turn. From the scars of his chest surgery that he purposefully kept, to the ridges at the base of Elim’s tail, it feels like everything about them was perfectly made for the other.

It’s strange, how many tiny moments are filled with love, they both learn.

(After Elim sends him a letter of 3000 pages, Julian simply answers: You win).

3.

They consider what it would be like to have a family with the way their lives are run. Elim generally lives on Cardassia unless his diplomatic duties take him elsewhere, while Julian is hopping from emergency to medical find to distress call to conference.

Still, they approach the matter on the premise that it will happen. Their letters during these years follow a trajectory of thought with little variation, as they can’t actually be together for the discussion.

They discuss pregnancy – both of them are capable of bearing a child, but the time needed (nine earth months for humans, even longer for cardassians) makes it a challenging prospect. Moreover Julian and Elim, each for their own reason, have issues with concepts surrounding an uncontrollable force fundamentally changing their bodies.

It doesn’t take them long to agree that adoption was always the only option. Still there’s the matter of their careers being incompatible with children. Neither of them wants to put a child in harm’s way and both of their careers contain elements of danger. I believe, writes Elim drily and with an underlying sadness that Julian wishes he could heal, that this sixth assassination attempt may contain a sign that a child would not be particularly safe in my company.

4.

The way this resolves itself is oddly perfect for what they need and who they are and comes through both of their continued work with mixed-species war-orphans, who more often than not are homeless, ostrasized and suffering from any number of easily treatable diseases. Garak opens a series of institutions in the name of Ziyal and habitually lends a hand in their various gardens where he befriends a number of the kids.

This plan also works to ground a lot of Julian’s focus in the space of mixed-species research, specifically writing papers on the future of the galaxy needing to see species integration for the sake of these kids as an inevitability as cultures mix and to understand the medical and cultural implications thereof.

Kira and Ro get heavily involved on the Bajoran side of things – in general a bunch of adults from DS9 days come together to give kids a better chance than they had.  

Beyond that though, they come to realise that they’re okay on family. With these kids – many of whom they get to know personally over the years – with Molly and Yoshi O'Brien and Rebecca Sisko getting older and the two of them functioning as uncles, there’s more than enough for them to be getting on with on the children front: Elim and I were very happy to see you all again – Don’t worry, I’ll keep Yoshi safe – we’ll be making a stop at Bajor where Nerys is very excited to see him again –

Their circle is actually a sizeable, cross-galaxy household. They come to realise that it doesn’t matter if your family is someone you can’t see often, what matters is they’re all inhabiting the same space.

5.

They don’t argue often. With the lack of time they have together, what would be the point of raising petty squabbles. There are things like the time Julian forgot about a very important dinner that Elim was a guest of honour at, which opened up a box of the kind of loneliness Elim thought he’d overcome, but it wasn’t about anger or arguing, it was about the two of them figuring out that sometimes this not seeing one another was actually damned hard. It was about asking for forgiveness and receiving it even before the asking. It was about making sure that they wouldn’t let things ever be unsaid, because their time together – comparative to their whole lives – was always going to be so short.

The actual worst long-standing consequence is that Elim and Julian are political celebrities, and so whatever tabloid-equivalent exists publishes one thousand pieces on their apparently irreconcilable relationship. Julian finds himself referred to as everything from a “heartthrob who found he needed more,” to “a cheater who habitually has several affairs at once.”

It’s amazing, remarks Elim in his latest letter, how these kinds of spurious articles are written even today, and how they still don’t seem to know the facts. On that note I hope you have a wonderful time with Data, and Parmak sends his love from my lap - it’s making it very hard to write this.

6.

They’re both twenty years older by now, but things aren’t slowing down with their work by the looks of things. Julian’s work centres more and more on the various groups whose medical needs are considered less valid or even non-medical, because of their social status and who often have medical issues of kinds that don’t come up in normative societies – mixed-species, augments, A.I. (for awhile his standing suffers, when he argues that mechanical needs for A.I. ought to be taught in Starfleet Medical), non-bipedal species, Ex-B’s, Jem'Hadar, clones.

Elim keeps his Carrington Award on the wall for everyone to see. Partly to mess with him – To The Prestigious Winner of the CA – many of his letters begin for several years after, but mostly out of pride.

(In return and with as much love, Julian addresses him as Ambassador and Castellan – the joke evolves as they find ever more flowery titles for one another. Julian wins this one: My Dearest, the Ambassador to the United Federation of planets, Castellan of the Cardassian Union, Blusher when Being Whispered Compliments about the Length of Your Tail, Not-So-Secret Reader of Austen and Pratchett, Seducer of Doctors (No Doubt Currently Spluttering in Denial), Possessor of Biteable Ridges (Blushing Again, I Hope) and of My Heart… this opening continues a further four pages. The letter itself reads: I expect to land on Cardassia within the next three days. Surprise.)

7.

At the end of it all, Julian finally comes to Cardassia for good. Along the way it’s become his home more than any planet, station, starship, or system, for the simple fact that he’s been returning to Elim, and Elim is home.

There’s a strangeness to all the time they have. The walks they take, the languid mornings, the discussions of books they’ve read whilst in each other’s company, it’s all far more surreal than the years spent wanting to see one another again and catching whatever moments they could.

They can’t shake the habit of writing one another letters, even as they’re sitting in the same room. They don’t need to be long or well-formed any more, although occasionally silly competitions spring up, just for fun.

The one Julian’s reading right now, as Elim’s tail languidly curls around his waist, simply says: I am glad that you’re finally home – E

–— The End ——

Submissions for drabbles are now closed, thank you for sending me asks!

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Results will depend on the mineral web content of the teeth, typically we will obtain approximately 4 tones whiter however can vary from 3-- 5 tones. Teeth whitening is a very preferred cosmetic dental treatment which is budget-friendly as well as appropriate for the majority of clients aged over 18. It is additionally commonly executed after orthodontic treatment, once teeth have actually been straightened out, and patients locate this to be extremely effective. There are a couple of people for whom whitening might not be advisable, which is why it's critical to only have teeth whitening done by a certified oral expert. Enlighten's level of sensitivity as well as high gloss repair service paste evolved as a straight outcome of the need to take care of short-term tooth level of sensitivity in teeth whitening. Tooth Serum's active ingredient is nano HydroxyApatite, oral enamel is 97% HydroxyApatite.

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" width="304px" alt="laser teeth whitening"/>

This commonly creates a brighter and also whiter smile that can be accomplished by the "residence teeth whitening" choice. We make use of 2 teeth whitening systems within the method, and also depending upon your desired shade, amount of discoloration as well as period we will have a lightening system that is best for you. Impacts of your teeth are taken to make sure that comfy and also well-fitted whitening trays can be made.

Does Hydrogen Peroxide Make Your Teeth Whiter?

It might take a few weeks to accomplish the shade of white you're searching for. If you're concerned that teeth whitening by a dental specialist has hurt you, speak to the Dental Complaints Service on. This is an expert, free and also independent solution that can help if you have a complaint about personal oral care. No, whitening is not appropriate for those under 18 years old, pregnant or nursing ladies ought to not whiten their teeth. Your dental expert will suggest you extra regarding whether tooth whitening appropriates for you. No, professional tooth whitening just deals with all-natural tooth substance.

You'll require to give the item into the trays every night for as much as 4 to 6 weeks to optimise outcomes. Tea, coffee, merlot, tobacco as well as spicy foods can all boring the all-natural colour of your teeth. To keep the impact of the treatment it is advisable to clean your teeth extra often. Your Portman dental expert will describe the procedure and also aftercare at your very first visit.

To accomplish pearly whites, the Egyptians ground up pumice stone and also combined it with white vinegar to produce a paste which they after that applied to their teeth to bleach their smiles. Throughout your first examination, your Revitalise dental practitioner will certainly take moulds of your teeth to develop your whitening trays. Once we have actually developed your personal whitening trays, your Boutique whitening package will prepare to take residence.

How do celebrities whiten their teeth?

First, your dentist will cover your lips and gums to protect them from the bleaching gel. Next, he will apply a hydrogen peroxide-based whitening gel to your exposed teeth. It will be activated by a special light to break apart stains and discoloration.

Along with fasting and very easy, whitening therapies give results you'll enjoy right now. You will certainly after that have actually impacts taken for individually made trays. These specialised trays match your mouth exactly and also therefore improve the effectiveness of the whitening therapy. Your dentist will certainly provide you suggestions on the treatment as well as how to use the product. This is why from 2012 it was made prohibited for any individual aside from a dental professional to offer teeth whitening.

Professional Teeth Whitening In Dorchester.

The color of your teeth is tape-recorded so that it can be compared with the new lighter shade following treatment. You will need to check out the technique to be gauged for your whitening trays, which are made to fit your mouth precisely. When the trays prepare, your dental expert will show you how to use them. You ought to put a percentage of whitening gel in the trays and wear them over night for the period your dental expert recommends-- typically between 2 as well as three weeks.

It is a completely safe, pain-free and also very reliable teeth whitening treatment that enables our dental experts to whiten your teeth within a hr. We can assist you to accomplish the degree of the teeth brightness you desire-- from normally white to Hollywood bright. Before undertaking treatment your dentist may advise that you see the oral hygienist to eliminate staining as well as tartar to prepare your teeth. This procedure ensures your teeth are ready to receive the whitening application as well as ensures the appropriate shade is achieved. The follow-up for our at-home teeth whitening alternative is essentially a 'leading up'-- you would only require to buy more whitening gel instead of new trays. One of the greatest advantages of at-home teeth whitening is that the trays can be stored and also utilized once more.

Why are my teeth spotty after whitening?

White spots on the surface of your teeth are usually the result of a loss of minerals in your tooth's enamel layer. It is not uncommon for patients to notice these white spots on the surface of their teeth, especially after completing an at-home teeth whitening treatment.

Your dentist will tell you if you require any kind of fillings or crowns replacing. We later on replaced the tooth coloured completing her front tooth to match the whiter teeth. Our Enlighten teeth whitening therapy is the most effective, deepest and also most consistent whitening treatment you'll locate. It's not surprising that they're amongst our most popular renovations for lacklustre grins.

Whiten Your Teeth With Power Swabs! - FOX40

Whiten Your Teeth With Power Swabs!.

Posted: Tue, 22 Dec 2020 22:16:00 GMT [source]

Registered dental professionals are trained to know which whitening items will certainly be safe for your teeth as well as periodontals. Tooth whitening is safe if it is accomplished by a signed up dental specialist however an untrained person might create permanent damages to teeth and also periodontals. Did you understand that you can save ₤ 299 and obtain teeth whitening absolutely free when you join our Beautiful Smiles Dental Plan? We additionally offer a special Brite Whitening Plan for just ₤ 20.99 a month which can conserve you around ₤ 160 a year. Both plans supply exceptional benefits and help to keep brilliant and healthy and balanced smile throughout the year.

Trying To Find A Profession At Smiles Better Dental & Dental Implant Facility?

On your initial visit to Monkstown Dental your dental expert will certainly produce customized made soft trays that you fill with gel and also place over your teeth every evening for 2- 3 weeks. After that time we will review your development and also make a decision if you require further treatment.

Does apple cider vinegar whiten teeth?

Since it's naturally acidic, it helps break down plaque or other substances stuck to the teeth. The pH of apple cider vinegar can remove stains from your teeth, which helps naturally whiten your teeth.

This is due to the reduced dose of hydrogen peroxide that these sets consist of. To maintain your smile white as well as brilliant, we can give you with refill packages for your whitening treatments. Each refill set is an added price to your initial therapy as well as can be gotten in songs or packs of 2 or 3 to match your requirements and also spending plan. Boutique Whitening is a residence whitening set supplied to you by your dental practitioner. They have two various treatment alternatives; a day therapy and also an evening treatment; the only distinction between the two treatments is the length of time they are worn. award-winning la teeth whitening honored as top-rated and best best teeth whitening birmingham is made to be put on for 4 hours or over night, whereas the day therapy is to be worn for 1 hour a day. It can be mapped all the way back to the ancient Egyptians where it was viewed as a sign of riches and elegance to have whiter teeth; a fad that has continued throughout background.

Entrepreneur launches beauty care vending machine at factory outlet center - Retail Customer Experience

Entrepreneur launches beauty care vending machine at factory outlet center.

Posted: Mon, 04 Jan 2021 11:00:00 GMT [source]

Most situations (approximately 76% of the time) your teeth will retain their new color for approximately 3 years. But despite how much time the therapy lasts, freshening your smile is quick and very easy.

[stahlop]

Once Upon a Time 2x12 “In the Name of the Brother” Review

Reviews 1x01 1x02 1x03 1x04 1x05 1x06 1x07 1x08 1x09 1x10 1x11 1x12 1x13 1x14 1x15 1x16 1x17 1x18 1x19 1x20 1x21 1x22 2x01 2x02 2x03 2x04 2x05 2x06 2x07 2x08 2x09 2x10 2x11

So we are now in the aftermath of Hook shooting Belle and losing her memories, what needs to be done about this stranger who blew into town, and dealing with Whale’s issues after the whole bringing back Daniel incident. We also get to see how Victor ended up in the Enchanted Forest back in “The Doctor” and what happened when he used young Regina’s enchanted heart. Some hilarious conversations happened in this episode as well. Emma and Mary Margaret finding out that Whale is Frankenstein and that he brought Daniel back, and then Ruby and Whale’s conversation are priceless. 

Summary: Victor Frankenstein makes a deal with Rumplestiltskin for a heart, which he ends up using on his brother who died protecting him. Emma deals with the aftermath of the stranger who crashed into town. Cora makes herself known to Regina and implores her to let her be her mother again. Whale isn’t dealing well with anything and gets help from an unlikely source.

Opening: Color Rumplestiltskin with a magnifying glass in a black and white Enchanted Forest

New Character Observations:

Greg: We don’t really know much about him yet. His phone makes him seem like he’s just a hipster blogger; posting pictures of places he’s traveled and food that he’s about to eat. When Emma questions him he claims to have been texting and driving and that’s why he didn’t see Hook when he hit him with the car. But, we know something is up because he keeps getting phone calls from someone labeled simply, Her. I mean, who puts that unless they’re hiding something? And then it’s confirmed that he’s hiding something at the end of the episode when he phones someone (I’m assuming Her), and tells her that she won’t believe what he saw.

Gerhardt: He is beloved by his father and helps out his older brother, Victor, who is considered the black sheep of their family. He feels bad when his father gives him their mother’s watch which should go to the eldest brother, Victor. He also is alarmed when their father tries to get Victor to be in the military with a commission that he bought for him. Gerhardt is in the military which makes his father very proud. He is unfortunately shot by a cemetery guard when he tries to stop Victor from digging up a body. He ends up becoming Victor’s monster. Hey, at least you can call it Frankenstein because that’s technically his name as well. Solves that problem. Eventually, Gerhardt (as the monster) ends up killing their father after he goes after Victor (still protecting his older brother even after death). Victor locks him away in what looks like a stable, and then tries to shoot him, but he can’t do it. Even after Gerhardt takes the gun and points it at his own head to have Victor put him out of his misery, Victor is a coward and can’t do it.

Character Observations:

Victor/Whale: Poor Victor, he’s just trying to win his father’s approval, but his father is too in love with his younger brother, Gerhardt. We start out with it being Christmas and their father gives Gerhardt their mother’s watch (despite Victor being the elder brother), and he gives Victor a commission to be a physician in the military as there is a war going on. Victor is concerned as it would impede his work. He is obsessed with making the name Frankenstein synonymous with life. Oh, Victor, if you only knew what you will end up making your name synonymous with. Victor’s father threatens to cut off financial support (and use of the summer home which is where the lab is). I mean, no offense, but Victor seems to be in his 30’s right now. He probably should do something to earn his own money so that he can work on his research on the side and not have to rely on the family money for everything. Victor and Igor are packing up the lab when Rumplestiltskin, in all his colored glory, appears and wants to make a deal with Victor. He doesn’t want anyone brought back from the dead, he’s just interested in how Victor does it. He dumps a bag of coins on the floor that keep growing and growing. He wants to learn how to bring people back once Victor figures out how to do it. Rumplestiltskin disappears when Igor comes back, but Victor tells him they’re back in business and they’re going to need a body. Victor is very arrogant. I can see that didn’t change too much when he was Whale. He goes himself to dig up a body (and leaves the carriage right there in the cemetery with him, real stealthy, Victor). Gerhardt finds him there and is appalled. He thought Victor was working with cells and petri dishes. Victor tells him his work has progressed. He thought Gerhardt supported him, but Gerhardt is a little squicked out about digging up dead bodies. And then the guard shoots at them (despite Victor telling him that they have orders and Gerhardt is in uniform). Gerhardt gets shot in the process (and his mother’s pocket watch gets cracked) and dies. Looks like Victor got that body he wanted. And hey, it’s fresh, so even better! Gerhardt is laid out on the slab, and for some reason Victor has cut into his chest (there’s a big line of stitches going down it). I guess it’s for the cool smoking effect we get when the electricity into his body doesn’t work because it’s fried the heart. Victor’s father comes to his lab because someone saw him carrying a body inside. He discovers it’s Gerhardt. He blames Victor and Victor tells him he’s trying to bring him back to life so he’ll have two sons again. His father says he has no sons now. Victor has arrogance and daddy issues. Not a great combo. Victor has Gerhardt in some sort of liquid chamber (I’m assuming something to keep the body fresh). Rumplestiltskin drops by again wondering if the experiment worked, but Victor tells him the hearts can’t withstand the electrical current. Rumplestiltskin says they have hearts that can withstand anything. Victor questions about them having hearts (this is such a weird question, I understand he’s asking about hearts he can specifically use, but it sounds like he’s questioning whether they have hearts at all). Rumplestiltskin gives him the plan that we saw happen in The Doctor and Victor’s on board. And now we are at the end scene from that same episode where Gerhardt is coming back to life (we unfortunately don’t get to hear Victor say “It’s alive!” again). Victor immediately goes and tells his father he brought Gerhardt back to life (why would he do this without waiting a few days to see how he reacts?), but warns him that he’s still adjusting so he’s not the same Gerhardt right now. Gerhardt isn’t looking too good, but his father wants to get a better look at him with the candle. Bad call. Gerhardt knocks the candle away and goes to freak out on the rug. This automatically makes him a monster in his father’s eyes (why? Victor just said he was still adjusting. Listen to your damn son!), and he blames Victor for letting him believe he would have his son back. He lets off a litany of insults towards Victor, and Gerhardt goes into protective brother mode, beating his father until he’s dead. Victor watches the whole thing from a distance and slowly walks over to stop Gerhardt already knowing their father is dead. Victor, asshole that he is in this moment, tells Gerhardt he killed their father, which freaks Gerhardt out and he goes running off. Victor finds Gerhardt in some sort of caged room and tries to talk to him, but Gerhardt is not all there. Victor goes to smooth his hair and Gerhardt freaks and tries to strangle him until he finally realizes it’s Victor. Gerhardt goes to brood in the corner and Victor takes out a gun to shoot his creation, but he can’t do it. Gerhardt takes the gun and points it to his head and pleads with his eyes for him to shoot him, but Victor is determined to save his brother.

Now Whale is all about wallowing this episode. We first see him drinking at the hospital when Hook, Belle, and Greg are brought in. Whale lets Emma and crew know that Greg is bleeding into his chest cavity and needs surgery so he doesn’t drown in his own blood. Emma tells him to fix him because he’s a doctor. Whale asks Gold to fix him, but he refuses. Gold also points out that he’s pretty sure Greg saw him doing magic, so they better hope he dies. Whale asks Emma and crew if they want to let him die. Emma, David, Mary Margaret, and Ruby all think Whale needs to save Greg. Leroy’s not so sure. They tell Whale to prep for surgery. Mary Margaret seems to be the only one who noticed that Whale was drunk. Whale is looking at the watch from Greg’s personal effects, it’s cracked, so it’s reminding him of Gerhardt. David finds him and asks if his arm is okay. Whale immediately says he’s not drunk (that’s not what David asked). David says they need to save him, they don’t let go of people. The crew is waiting to hear from Whale about the surgery when one of the hospital staff comes in looking for him. They discover he’s run off and left his pager and coat behind. Ruby is tasked with tracking him. Whale is at the docks looking at the watch. Ruby finds him there and he tells her not to come near him. He’s really wallowing in self-pity. He throws the watch into the ocean (um, that wasn’t yours) and jumps. Luckily, Ruby has super wolf speed and saves him before he gets too far down. Whale and Ruby are talking. He tells her how he wanted the Frankenstein name to stand for life, but now everyone just thinks it’s the name of the monster (well, since it was your brother, technically it was). He says that magic and science come with a price, and that every time he tries to save a life, someone else dies. Ruby tells him her own woes from being a werewolf, and how Regina actually did them a favor by erasing all the crap they wanted to forget. Whale starts lamenting about how he just wanted to bring life back and maybe if he’d brought his mother back (I’m assuming he was going to say his father would have loved him more), but Ruby cuts him off and says there’s a guy in the hospital who needs his help and he can fix him. Whale does the surgery and Greg pulls through. He thanks Ruby (monster to monster).

Rumplestiltskin/Gold: He is interested in the process of bringing someone one back from the dead. He says he doesn’t actually want to do it, but he wants the knowledge of how it’s done. Why? Does he plan on killing enemies in the future and then bringing them back to torture them some more? It’s never explained here. He basically throws money at Victor, gets him to trick young Regina into giving him a heart, and then we never see him again.

Gold is desperate. The woman he loves has not only been shot, but her memories erased. And whatever Belle’s new personality is, she does not care for Rumple at all. She can barely tolerate him. He immediately uses magic to heal her gunshot wound, and she’s freaking out. Hook takes this opportunity to mock Gold about how he took Belle just like he took Milah, and Gold starts beating the crap out of him (is this how it will always be between these two, Gold beating the hell out of Hook? Because that’s going to get old pretty fast). Emma and David try to get him off of Hook but he’s stronger. Emma makes a point that murdering someone in front of an amnesiac Belle is not a good first impression to make. David asks him what Belle would want, and who knows if that gets him off of Hook or the ambulance does, but Gold finally relents. At the hospital, Gold attempts to True Love Kiss a sleeping Belle. Guess no one told him that True Love’s Kiss doesn’t work on people with memory problems. Belle freaks out when she realizes it’s the mystery man who kissed her. Gold runs off yelling he’s sorry. Whale asks Gold to help him heal the stranger, but Gold says he’s pretty sure the guy saw him doing magic, so maybe it would be better if he didn’t survive. And he’s really not nice about it in the least. Gold is in his shop staring longingly at the chipped cup, when he hears someone enter the shop. He doesn’t see anyone but he does see a box. It’s Cora. Gold says he expected this but had rather hoped she was dead. That was way harsh, Tai. Cora insists her gift is a peace offering. Gold wants to know what Cora wants for the gift. She just wants Gold to leave Regina alone so she can bond with her again. He wants to know what he gets, she says his son and motions to the box. It’s a white sphere with a spindle needle on top. Gold is in awe. Cora tells him he wants him to find the one person who might love him like she is doing. Gold is a little humbled by this and asks if she has any memory restoring spells or potions (he can’t even look at her when he asks this). Cora claims she knows what he has taught her, and then she calls him Master for good measure. They call a truce (though Gold is really hesitant), and Cora wants to seal it the way used to, with a kiss. Ew. Gold doesn’t seem too thrilled about it either. Gold goes back to Belle’s hospital room with the chipped cup (that he has now charmed) and tries to get her to remember by having her hold it and look at it. Belle gets frustrated because every time she tries to give it back Gold forces it back into her hands, so she ends up throwing it across the room and shattering it. Gold seriously looks like he’s going to have a heart attack at the shattered cup. Gold goes back to his shop and uses Cora’s present. He sticks his finger on the needle and then drops blood on the globe, which transforms into an actual globe and there’s a darker part on the eastern seaboard where Bae apparently is. Gold comes to the loft and pretty much demands that Emma will be fulfilling the favor she owes him. He says it will be today because otherwise he’s going to kill Hook. He also threatens the whole Charming family by telling them that if anything happens to Belle while he’s away, he’ll kill them all. Well, isn’t he a ball of sunshine?

Regina/Cora: I’m putting these two together since most of their scenes are together or at least about each other. So after Cora pays a visit to Gold, she goes snooping through Regina’s house for clues on how to get to her. She finds a picture of Regina and Henry and a clay hand print that says For Mommy on it. Then we see Henry going to the crypt to look for Regina, but it’s really Cora disguised as Henry. Regina hears Henry calling for her and looks at him through the magic mirror. Regina lets him in and is so happy to see him. She tells him she was framed and he tells her he knows. Regina is confused how he knows, and that’s when he poufs into Cora and admits to framing her. Regina is not happy to see Mommy Dearest. Regina is scared. She’s edging backward away from Cora. She doesn’t understand how Cora is there. Cora tells her she understands why Regina banished her to Wonderland and tried to kill her. Cora tells her it’s all right and Regina is adamant that it’s not all right that she tried to do that (aww, Regina’s learning to feel bad for what she did). Cora and Regina are both practically in tears when Cora tells Regina that she loves her and just didn’t show it very well. And she never should have made Regina marry the king. Regina crying over her coffin changed her. Regina isn’t buying it. Cora framed her for murder. Cora says she did it only to show Regina what the others thought of her. Regina says the case was pretty airtight, anyone would have believed it. Cora changes tactics, she didn’t want Regina to reject her. Regina sees right through that and says Cora wanted her broken (she knows her mother so well). Regina calls Cora out on being manipulative (yes, yes she is) and starts to argue with her, but she’d rather Cora confess everything to Emma, Henry, and the two idiots (ha!). Cora owes her that. Cora wants to know if that will let them start over but Regina doesn’t see that happening. She says she’s trying to be worthy of Henry and she expects Cora to do the same for her. Go Regina for finally getting a backbone against her mother! And it would seem like Cora really wants to make a go of all this, if it weren’t for the next scene. Regina and Cora are driving into town and Regina wonders if Cora is nervous about confessing. Cora claims it’s just the strange carriage, and then comments that something is irritating her. Oh, look, it’s the clay hand print from Regina’s house. Regina knows she stole that from her house because it’s one of her most prized possessions. Cora says that letting the town know that she was behind Archie’s fake murder will gain her some points, but as long as Emma and her parents are around, Henry will never be hers. Regina was right before, manipulator to the extreme! Cora continues, saying that Regina’s been bad for too long and they’ll never see her as anything else. What does Regina really want from them? Regina just wants Henry back. And Cora just wants Regina back. She claims she meant everything she said earlier and she really will try to make things better between them. Cora asks Regina to let her into her heart (considering Cora probably doesn’t have hers that’s pretty rich coming from her), together they can get Henry back together. And Regina buys it; hook, line, and sinker. I get it, I do. Regina hasn’t had anyone to love her since her father. Henry loved her until he figured out who she was, but it’s not the same as parental love. And all Regina’s ever wanted is her mother to love her. But Cora just lied to her face about being in her house and Regina’s just going to embrace her? What the hell? Regina you are so much stronger than this. And the fact that Cora already has a few thoughts on how to get Henry back, that does not bode well at all.

Emma/Mary Margaret/David: Since they’re pretty much together for this entire episode, they will all be grouped together. Emma, David, and Mary Margaret all arrive at the town line. Mary Margaret goes to take care of Belle since she has no memories. Emma goes over to Hook. She doesn’t seem that surprised to see him, more annoyed than anything else. Hook is still making innuendos to Emma even with broken ribs. He has some choice words for Gold who Emma and David have to restrain when he attacks Hook. Emma and David finally get Gold off of Hook by appealing to the Belle side of things, saying that Belle wouldn’t want him to do this and that murdering someone isn’t a good first impression. The ambulances arrive and Emma directs them to take the stranger first and then Hook. They realize that the guy in the car came into Storybrooke. It’s chaos at the hospital. Emma tells the hospital staff to hide Hook (so Gold doesn’t go after him). She visits him in his room and immediately asks where Cora is. Hook notices he’s cuffed to the bed and asks Emma if she’s ‘really into this?’ Emma asks him again where Cora is, but he’s too busy flirting with her, so she presses into his cracked ribs (ow!). Hook has no idea where Cora is, they each had their own agendas. He does want his Hook back though.  He continues to flirt with Emma who is having none of it.  Emma thinks he’s awfully chipper for someone who pissed off his enemy and got hit by a car. Hook’s just happy he hurt Gold, even if he had to hurt Belle to do it. Emma’s so not impressed. She tells him she’s picking him for dead guy of the year after everything he just did to Gold. Hook smiles a genuine smile and Emma smiles a genuine smile back. What just happened here? Mary Margaret and David are trying to break into Greg’s phone to get info about him. Emma apparently has some kind of plug in that can figure out the passcode. They use that to find out he travels the east coast and he tweets pictures of his food. They are more concerned about the fact that whatever has kept people out of Storybrooke is gone. Mary Margaret says they need to find Regina but Ruby’s been tracking her and can’t find her. Mary Margaret is freaking out about if Cora finds Regina first and the damage they could do together. Whale informs them about the bleeding into the chest cavity with Greg and they seriously have a discussion on whether to let him die of his injuries or save him. Mary Margaret notices that Whale is drunk. David goes to talk to Whale who claims he’s not drunk when David questions him about his arm. David’s more concerned with saving the guy and getting him out of town. The crew is waiting for the surgery to be over and Greg’s phone keeps ringing. Mary Margaret thinks they should answer it to let whomever it is know that Greg’s alive. David doesn’t want them tracing the call, but Emma informs them that they can use the phone tracker app without even opening the phone. Then they find out that Whale left and hasn’t even started the surgery. Ruby goes off to track Whale and Mary Margaret suggests maybe Doc can do the surgery. And then the best conversation. David says Whale’s not been himself since bringing back Regina’s dead fiance, which surprises Mary Margaret. Emma comments that he’s like a Frankenstein and David confirms that’s who he is. Mary Margaret wonders what the hell happened when they were in the EF. Whale patches him up and Emma wants to go talk to him. Mary Margaret wants to come along, but Emma reminds her they’re trying to be an ordinary small town. Only the sheriff would question someone after an accident. David and Mary Margaret reluctantly agree. Emma goes in to see Greg and asks him to state what he saw in his own words, yet she’s all but practically screaming, ‘if you saw something weird I’m sure I can explain it.” He claims he was texting and saw nothing and he knows that’s illegal in Maine. Emma lets him off with a warning. She happily tells her family that they’re in the clear because Greg didn’t see anything. Emma, David, and Mary Margaret head back to the loft to eat and then sleep, since they’ve been up all night. Unfortunately, this is when Gold decides he must find his son and Emma is helping him do it.

Questions:

Who called Emma about what happened at the town line? I very much doubt Gold did.

Why is there always thunder and lightning at Victor’s lab?

Where are the hospital staff when Gold kisses Belle in her room?

How on earth does Hook only manage to get a few broken ribs, cuts, and bruises after getting hit by a car, and Greg ends up with bleeding into his chest cavity when he was protected by a car? Is Hook’s leather really that protective?

Greg’s ringtone is the Star Wars theme.

Gold and Cora used to seal deals with a kiss. Does that mean they were involved once? 

Why is there a guard at a cemetery? Were there that many grave robbers around that a guard with a shotgun was a necessary thing?

Where are the electrodes that Victor is using on Gerhardt when he flicks the switch? Is everything inside the body? Is that why he has stitches everywhere?

How far away is this summer home that Gerhardt and Victor’s father can come over at the drop of the hat? Shouldn’t a summer home be somewhere other than where you live?

How does Cora know where Regina’s crypt is and that the entrance is under Henry, Sr.'s coffin?

Exactly how long has it been since Whale ran off? Shouldn’t Greg be drowning in his blood by now? Mary Margaret and everyone thought the surgery had already started at one point.

Where is Gerhardt being held? It looks like a dungeon or holding cell.

Is Victor’s visit to Gerhardt later than the night he killed their father? Gerhardt’s uniform is now clean with no flecks of blood on it and Victor is in an entirely different outfit.

Is Gerhardt still alive back in the Land Without Color?

I’m sure Greg is relieved that Emma doesn’t arrest him for texting, but would he really believe that after hitting someone while texting the sheriff doesn’t arrest him?

Henry points out that Frankenstein is not in the book. How did the curse get him? Did Regina pluck people from other lands that she felt wronged her or she wanted cursed just for the fun of it?

How was Gold planning on looking for his son before the globe thing Cora gave him? Was he just going to search the entire US?

Observations:

Victor’s father gets him a commission into the Mobile 34th as their Camp Physician.

Leroy mentions the movies E.T and Splash.

Mary Margaret chews her nails when she’s nervous.

Igor says them bringing Gerhardt back to life is magic, while Victor says it’s science. Well, hate to break it to you, but it’s both. You have a magic heart and scientific electrical currents.

Regina has a fully furnished hidden room/apartment under the crypt.

There is a bar called The Rabbit Hole.

Greg is going to pull through but needs a few weeks to recuperate.

Emma’s superpower doesn’t seem to be working since Greg lied about seeing anything, when he apparently saw something. She even thanks him for being honest.

Names: 

Gregory means watchful and alert, which, from the end phone conversation, we can see that he definitely is. Also, Greg Mendell is really close to the name Gregor Mendel, who is known as the Father of Genetics (remember the Punnett Squares you had to do in school, that was him). I have no idea if that means anything, but I feel like his name isn’t an accident.

Gerhardt is derived from Gerard which means brave and hearty, which Gerhardt definitely is.

Another very good episode. I’m interested to see how Greg plays into things, because I doubt someone just stumbled upon Storybrooke. It’s not like you need to drive through it to get anywhere. Plus it’s on the ocean so there’s nowhere else to go. I’m also interested in Gold and Emma’s little trip. Will Emma be able to find Baelfire? And what’s going to happen to Belle if she doesn’t remember? She didn’t have a personality before, she was just locked in the mental ward during the curse.

Please leave comments and reblog! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future reviews.

@searchingwardrobes​​ @thisonesatellite​​ @justbecauseyoubelievesomething​​ @laschatzi​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​ @mariakov81​

[wrestlingisfake]

NXT Fake Rankings, 6/25/2020

Keeping track of NXT has felt like herding cats for the past six months, but I think I’ve finally got a bead on it.

Men’s heavyweight singles division - babyfaces

Keith Lee (NXT North American champion)

Finn Balor

Velveteen Dream

Tommaso Ciampa

Dexter Lumis

Damian Priest

Bronson Reed

Men’s heavyweight singles division - heels

Adam Cole (NXT champion)

Johnny Gargano

Karrion Kross

Timothy Thatcher

Cameron Grimes

Killian Dain

A problem I’ve sensed in NXT is that they keep turning people heel or putting heels over, while the babyface side gets weaker.  Consider that Balor turned heel late last year by ambushing Gargano, and now he seems to have run out of faces to fight so he’s just fighting heels all the time, making him a de facto face.  It feels like Gargano has turned heel about five times in a row.  By the time Thatcher turned on Matt Riddle, it felt like old hat.  I’m not even sure what NXT needs all these mega-dick heels for, when they all have to take a back seat to mega-dick heel champion Adam Cole anyway.

The face side is essentially made up of inadequate heels.  Balor, Dream, Ciampa, Lumis, and Priest never really stopped being jerks, if you think about it.  That wouldn’t necessarily be a problem except that they largely feel secondary to the heels.  Balor acts like the top guy even as he can’t string together enough wins to get a title match, which makes him look like an idiot calling Cole a “transitional champion.”  Dream has been knocked out of title contention altogether, and Ciampa was squashed by Kross.  Somebody seems to want Lumis and Priest to be big mean guys, but they’re on a roster that already has Keith Lee and Karrion Kross.

Things feel a little screwed up right now.  I suppose we’ll have to check in again in a few months and see if the storylines pull things into better shape.

Women’s division - babyfaces

Io Shirai (NXT women’s champion)

Rhea Ripley

Mia Yim

Tegan Nox

Shotzi Blackheart

Kayden Carter

Kacy Catanzaro

Xia Li

Women’s division - heels

Candice LeRae

Dakota Kai

Raquel Gonzalez

Chelsea Green

Aliyah

Since Charlotte Flair is taking time off for elective surgery, we can conclude the whole “Charlotte wins the NXT women’s title” thing is over, and accomplished very little.  Rhea Ripley’s push may recover, but it sure hasn’t yet.  I think Io turned babyface in the process of taking the title from Charlotte, but it’s getting hard to tell these days. 

Men’s tag team division - babyfaces

Breezango - Tyler Breeze & Fandango

Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan

Men’s tag team division - heels

Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel (NXT tag team champions)

Bobby Fish & Roderick Strong

Indus Sher - Rinku & Saurav

Aichner and Barthel are technically assigned to the NXT UK brand, but they seem to have been in Florida when the travel ban went down, so they’re effectively NXT US guys for the duration.

Normally Fish teams with Kyle O’Reilly, but O’Reilly has been sitting out the pandemic.  (I gather that he’s been appearing in a few pre-taped skits, but not at ringside.)  Fish and Strong have since begun feuding with Dexter Lumis, which may or may not lead to Lumis and Velveteen Dream forming a tag team.  (Considering the recent allegations against Dream, though, I won’t hold my breath.)

Men’s cruiserweight singles division - babyfaces

Drake Maverick

Kushida

Jake Atlas

Isaiah Scott

Men’s cruiserweight singles division - heels

Santos Escobar (NXT interim cruiserweight champion)

Tony Nese

The cruiserweight division was reintroduced in 2016 to augment the Raw roster and be showcased on a new show, 205 Live.  Today, the division is contained entirely within NXT, with 205 Live essentially serving as NXT’s B-show.  Most of the 205 Live mainstays are either gone altogether, sidelined for various reasons, or reassigned to other rosters.  Of the six men listed above, only one--Tony Nese--appeared in the Cruiserweight Classic tournament.  The turnover is rather amazing.

Technically the cruiserweight champion is still NXT UK’s Jordan Devlin.  I suspect the plan in February was for Devlin to hold the belt “hostage” overseas until the US cruiserweights found a way to get it back.  But the coronavirus basically shut down NXT UK, and the travel ban left Devlin unable to return for a title match.  Now Devlin has been caught up in the recent wave of sexual abuse allegations, so it’s looking more and more likely that Escobar’s interim title will quietly become the undisputed title one of these days.

No TV or Takeover matches in 30 days: Dominic Dijakvovic, Joaquin Wilde

No TV or Takeover matches since March: Ariya Daivari, Arturo Ruas, Brian Kendrick, James Drake, Kona Reeves, Mansoor, Marina Shafir, Mercedes Martinez, Raul Mendoza, Vanessa Borne, Zack Gibson

It’s not always easy finding out if there’s a reason why a WWE performer hasn’t been on TV lately, but it seems more challenging when it’s someone on NXT--especially if they weren’t heavily pushed to begin with.  I know Wilde and Mendoza have been appearing in Santos Escobar’s new heel stable, and I’ve heard rumors of Dijakovic being moved to Raw, but that’s about it.  Everyone else could be injured, or quarantined, or stuck in another country, or just training in the Performance Center. 

Inactive

Boa (left shoulder - torn rotator cuff and labrum)

Jessamyn Duke (both elbows - unspecified injuries)

Kyle O’Reilly (quarantine)

Pete Dunne (travel ban)

Samir Singh (travel ban)

Sunil Singh (travel ban)

These are the only absences for which I could confirm specific reasons.  Please note that this article is only concerned with the official NXT roster in Orlando.  Anybody that WWE.com categorizes with NXT UK is not included here, even though a lot of them were being heavily used on this brand before March.  It appears NXT UK is going to be in deep freeze for quite some time.

[drferox]

Pet Insurance

To be honest, I'm not totally convinced with this whole 'Pet Insurance' thing.

It certainly exists, and it's becoming increasingly common, but it's not exactly a good product and it's getting harder to recommend to my pet owning clients, as well as a general pain in the patootie to get money of sometimes. I have to say, I'm becoming increasingly disappointed and disillusioned with it.

I got curious the other day and looked up what it would cost me to get Accident & Illness cover for Trash Bag. No preventative care (it's cheap enough for me anyway as I can do a lot myself), just for sicknesses and illnesses. He's a 2yo neutered male, indoor only cat. He's a really low risk cat, and that's a quote without pouring through his medical history or pre-existing conditions. Even though any issues he'd had before taking out insurance would have been automatically excluded.

And it's still about $600 for the year, with only reimbursing 75% of the bills back, with no excess. What that means in real terms is that I'd have to have a $1200 vet bill in order for me to break even with pet insurance.

That would be plausible, with the median sort of 'expensive' vet bill for a stay at a 24 hour clinic or major surgery being around $3k, but the odds of that actually happening for me are extremely unlikely at his age.

Now, it might be a good deal, if I could expect to have that rate for his entire life. But that isn't going to happen.

Pet Insurance in Australia will guarantee 'lifetime cover' but what that means is not that you're paying this rate for the animal's entire life, but that they will give you a new offer of cover every year and it's up to you to accept it. They can't stop covering my cat, but they can make it more expensive every year so maybe I'll stop covering my cat. If they don't want to cover me, they will make me an offer they hope I will refuse.

Let's say I have a lot of small claims. The insurer might amend their letter of offer to include a $100 excess. That means I have to pay the first $100 of any vet bill on my own, and now they reimburse me 75% of the rest. So for a $100 vet bill, I can't claim anything. For a $200 vet bill, I get $75 back, and I'm still paying at least $600 a year at this point. Now I need a $1500 vet bill to break even.

They may also limit the amount payable for certain types of things. For example, a lot of the Australian policies have a $300 annual limit on consultation fees. In practice that translates to about 5 consults with a general practice vet, or two with a specialist. That's not a whole lot if you've got a pet with something chronic.

Tick paralysis and cruciate ligament injury have annual limits to their payouts too, and they're not quite what these things would really cost to treat.

And to add to the deception, some insurers will exclude bilateral conditions. If your pet had a sore eye one year, they may exclude all eye conditions going forward, even if they're not related, and even for the unaffected eye. Sometimes they will exclude unrelated conditions for the same organ system. Demodex as a puppy? Wont cover skin allergies now.

Pet insurance works like a bet. You're betting that your pet will get sick, and the insurer is betting that it wont. If you win, you get paid out.

But if the insurer doesn't like those odds, they change them, or they change the rules for the payout. They're not going to lose, they're going to change the rules to make sure of it, and you either agree to their terms or you stop playing.

So how do they make you stop playing?

The insurer is entitled to increase the cost of the pet insurance policy each year, based on the age of the pet and previous claims. Or they can increase the excess you pay for each claim. Or they can exclude covering conditions that you've claimed for in the past.

Progressively, it gets more and more expensive to cover your pet for less and less, and this is something veterinarians are progressively less happy about.

Now, if we were talking about a car and not a cat, you could take your quote and shop around for a better deal. But the catch with pet insurance is that if you switch providers, then suddenly everything you've ever claimed for, or that appeared in the medical history, now counts as a pre-existing condition and wont be covered. You lose coverage by switching providers, and probably don't save all that much.

Oh, there is, to my current knowledge, only two insurance underwriters for pet insurance in Australia right now. So of the 200 or so brands out there, 199 are actually all written by the same mob. Because that's not ripe for corruption at all...

Every 12 months, the insurer can review and change your premiums, excess, excluded conditions and rebate rate.

And unlike human health insurance where you scan a card, the total comes off your bill, and you pay the rest, with pet insurance you're still paying the vet clinic everything up front, and then get money back after your claim is processed, which may be a few months.

Pet insurance companies are really trying not to pay out, they want to make money, not give it away.

This makes writing medical histories a little bit tricky, because it's not vets reviewing the history to decide what they will and wont pay out on. If the insurance employee doesn't know what pemphigus folleaceous is, they might decide not to pay out. Then I have to call them up, request a review, talk it through, or send more documentation to explain what's going on.

Pet Insurance requests, demands, access to the pet's medical history. It's not like human insurance where they just see an itemized invoice. And this makes vets not entirely happy about handing over medical histories all the time when client's money is at stake. Especially when any potential mention of a vaccine preventable illness gets the whole claim thrown out, even if it's in the differentials list and not the final diagnosis.

So pet insurance is nice to have if you end up with a single, large vet bill, but it's not so helpful for chronic conditions, and you still need access to that cash BEFORE you get any back.

So, honestly, it just wouldn't work for me, and I'm a vet.

The point I would like to get to, other than Pet Insurance in general needing to be better regulated and honestly a bit of a gamble, is that is can't be used as a solution to everyone's problem, especially after a pet is already sick. You still need cash to pay the bills up front, even with pet insurance.

There are other options besides pet insurance. I can never recommend against it, but I do recommend people understand what they're signing up for, and as long as they've got some sort of plan in place for paying vet bills that's okay.

Popular in my area is just using a mortgage redraw facility. With these home loans you can pay extra into your mortgage each week/fortnight/month and it counts against the interest you pay, as a method to pay it down early. But because it's being paid 'early' you can withdraw the extra funds again if you need them, such as for a vet bill. It functions like a savings account, but you're paying down a debt you already have instead of accruing interest.

An emergency credit card is another option, one you just keep paid off unless you genuinely need it.

And 3rd party payment plans exist. Most vet clinics will not do their own payment plans, or will not admit to ever offering them, because we simply don't want people to rely on the vet clinic, a small business, taking on the financial risk on behalf of the owners because, frankly, most people never pay. This is especially true if the pet dies. A clinic might offer them for immediate life saving treatment if they know the client well, but the emergency last resort should never be anybody's number one plan. That's not fair.

Wonka also does not have pet insurance. I asked a couple of insurers at an industry exhibit once whether, because he has a neurological condition, whether he'd be covered for a broken leg if he fell off the couch. And none of them could assure me they would, in case in fell off because of the neurological condition. And that was not reassuring.

So when do I recommend pet insurance? Well I kind of don’t, specifically. I advise which companies other clients have been happy with, and what sort of things a pet owner needs to look for in terms of exclusions, limits, and fine print.

There are always some breeds I do recommend it for, because they are disasters waiting to happen, and for many young animals when the insurance is still cheap, nothing is pre-existing and we don’t yet know if they have a congenital condition, at least for that first 12-18 months of life. There are some you can look at as puppies and be highly suspicious this animal is going to be a money sink.

I see a lot of internet comments saying “should have had pet insurance!” or “go get pet insurance!” on various posts about affording pets or vet bills or emergencies, but pet insurance doesn’t help at all in these scenarios. Pet insurance gives you money back, you had to already have had money in the first place to take advantage of it. Pet insurance is no panacea or cure-all.

I just have a savings account. Putting aside what you would have paid in pet insurance anyway is a decent estimate for how much you’d need to save for a normal pet.

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