#and the rsd from the audhd actually feels like getting punched

[abandoned-as-mustard]

Dammit, I love the way I look at the world, I love my creativity, but I also wonder why it has to be so extra damn hard just to make and keep friends and to never *ever* know what you're doing so differently than anyone else. It seems I literally *cannot* make deep connections with peers who aren't some flavour of neurodivergence or otherwise disabled. I could be as fun, talented, interesting and authentic as possible, and yet all those qualities can also apply to a fancy little fish in an aquarium that you just... leave behind when you're done.

Late diagnosis autism is just... confirmation that most new people you meet will probably notice something 'off' and use that subconscious thought to put you out of their mind once you're out of sight, because it's always been this way, you were just too naive to see it. That you're missing some ridiculous 'vibe'. Of wondering if anyone who you get along with unusually well might secretly be neurodivergent too because you have that little faith in neurotypicals.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to move on with this when it really does feel like my social skills have just... atrophied. Withered away.

If anyone has any tips at all, that would be greatly appreciated.

[pizzaboat]

Audhd Eda headcanons/old and young Eda headcanons no one asked for, but they also wouldn't turn down (they're mostly young Eda headcanons)

Eda struggled to make and keep friends growing up because she'd miss the vibe of the room and not adjust herself to the social rules within that situation. Like, at the nerd convention, she put herself out there, but she missed the mark trying to make an impression on people, so she only left a bad impression on them

She often had that really lonely feeling in school when everyone would be standing together, and yet she would be on her own. Even people who knew her and sorta talked to her, wouldn't approach her, so she'd stand there awkwardly and try not to feel embarrassed if Lilith wasn't there with her

Eda would prefer waterboarding to being made sit down, stay still and shut up for anything longer than 20 minutes. 20 minutes is pushing it. She could never do it. She has to say something

Eda collected shiny things as a kid. If someone had a shiny pen or sparkling marker and they left it down and didn't come back for it, it was her marker/pen now. The OB isn't the only one who likes sparkles

She was obsessed with her mom's jewelry collection for the same reason as a kid

Eda would fake being sick when Lilith was sick when they were growing up, so she wouldn't have to deal with going to school alone and dealing the all the RSD feelings for 2-3 days afterwards, that come from no one talking to her

She was actually a decent, if not loud, and mildly disruptive kid at first. But she was approached with bad faith by teachers and Faust specifically, and Eda became a target for teachers to pick on

Because of this, she grew up to distrust authority and teachers, and she made sure to get them before they could get her. If a teacher was a jerk or she didn't like them, they'd end up on the receiving end of one of her pranks

Because of her ADHD she has poor emotional regulation and feels things very deeply, so when someone was picking on her or Lilith, she'd get mad and punch them. To her, it was the best way to make sure people left her alone since the teachers wouldn't do anything about it (since they didn't like her)

A lot of Eda's "fights" got started because of this

Eda was shown being defensive/distressed when Faust told her one of her "pranks" was poorly received (the jello incident) "it was his birthday! He liked it!"

She often did big extreme things to try and make friends, and it often didn't amount to much and just made her look bad to everyone around her. She didn't know what was an appropriate behaviour was when making friends

Eda didn't get why when someone said they liked something (like magic, boiling Isles' version of cryptids, sports), they also didn't wanna talk about it 24/7. To her, her favourite things made her so happy she could talk all day about it

People labelled her as weird, nerdy, and rude because of it

Her special interests were and are magic, sports, and in the past, it was things like the cryptid shit before she outgrew it

Eda had a bunch of hyperfixations and it made her pick up and start a great number of hobbies and skills, and now she only remembers how to do 30-40% of those things as an adult

She stopped having energy for hyperfixations when the curse got really bad for her body, and her depression got even worse

For two whole years, she wasn't allowed to join the same grudgby team as Lilith because it was for older kids, and she was just "a baby," according to the coach at the time. To be fair, you had to be 13 to join that age bracket

Eda got fed up halfway through and forced her way onto the team because she loved playing grudgby and she had no one else to play with except for younger kids and she thought she was too good for that at this point