#and the relationship between the two of them hasn’t ever really gotten over that hurdle

[ulircursed]

skills:

sword 

lance

axe

bow - boon

gauntlet - bane

reason - bane

faith

authority

heavy armor

riding - boon

flying - budding talent → boon

breakdown (in order from best to worst):

bows and riding, of course, are his major boons - he’s trained in them since a very young age, and at this point he excels at both skills, putting the bulk of his training time towards them as well. his archery skills have gotten setbacks over the course of his time in fodlan, between his near-death injury upon arrival and some other shenanigans along the way, but he’s currently very close to regaining his full range of abilities (two more skill points…), and has actually improved in riding since his jugdral days, in part because he actually treats buttermilk like a partner in battle instead of a tool. he gives buttermilk the satisfaction of hearing his (ridiculous) name at all times, and buttermilk rewards that with the use of galeforce.

ah, flying, his odd little dm-inspired budding talent. he’s… ok in the practical department; his thread with elincia established that he’s still in the very textbook-learner stages of flying, and can’t really come up with new maneuvers of his own accord without being prompted, though he’s reasonably quick to learn and pretty good at executing what he has learned. his real boon comes in his baffling charisma towards flying mounts, with at least two pegasi and one (baby) wyvern getting high rolls for how much they like him, which translates to an easy trust when in the air. he doesn’t get it either, and in fact it prompts an uneasy guilt when he thinks of just how many of these things he’s shot out of the air in his lifetime, but at least he’s currently making up for it by doting (as far as andrei is even capable of doting) on cassandra.

decidedly neutral on the physical weapon triangle. he knows a little bit of fencing from being a noble, learned lances for the bow knight classification, and he got a weirdly large amount of dreamland arena experience with axes in rusalka, but won’t actually use any of that in any practical circumstance unless given good reason to. of the three, he’s definitely most comfortable with lances at the moment.

authority is also a skill he is very neutral in, though i’d call it more… ambivalent. i’ve mentioned this both ic and ooc before, but andrei is not someone who naturally seeks to take command in a group setting, much preferring to follow someone else’s instructions if given a choice, and his aversion to lead plays a part in his extremely messy feelings about the duchy. that said, he does have plenty of experience being both the leader of the beige ritter and then the duke, so he’s not horrible, but also not very good or anything. definitely not as good as ring was, nor as good as he believes brigid would have been, in his place.

i struggled on where exactly to place faith magic on this scale, but ultimately i felt it’d be around authority, something he’s kind of ambivalent towards. he had a psychological aversion to faith magic for a long time, because of what happened when edain left home, but now that their relationship is much improved, he’s starting to get over that aversion. i plan to have him pick up healing magic eventually, so he’ll start crossing that hurdle when he gets to it. in the end faith might end up somewhere behind flying on the scale, or maybe stick around here, depending on how dm treats him - so far (in arena) his faith rolls have been horrible, but maybe with edain’s help he’ll improve :’D

heavy armor is… eh. he wears archers’ light armor when he’s doing archer things (which is 99% of the time unless he’s in some kind of storybook/dream situation), but he doesn’t hate armor on principle or anything. he’d wear it if he had to, he just hasn’t had to thus far.

gauntlets are for brutes. maybe he’ll make an exception for ethlyn if she ever gets on his last nerve enough but for now, everyone’s safe from the wrath of andrei’s fists :relieved:

andrei’s in-game res stat is… not horrific for a jugdral character of his level, but toa andrei doesn’t seem to have gotten that memo. he’s made a bad habit out of taking nat20s from black/dark magic alike (off the top of my head, i know janaff and rhys from boel 2022, lidiya from fantom loews, and then sakura from boel 2023 have all landed crits on him with spells, but i’m p sure there are others), and at this point his attitude towards reason magic is somewhere between ‘extreme distaste’ and ‘healthy (?) fear’. don’t expect him to want anything to do with it in the near future / ever.

[btsbs]

Hi sorry what do you mean with your tags between a rock and a hard place everyone's saying cryptic stuff i dont understand anything :(

So 'between a rock and a hard place' is a phrase in English that basically means you have to make a difficult decision and neither of the available options are very good. My apologies if that doesn't translate well across culture or language barriers. I was intentionally being vague about what I was referencing, just because I've gotten roasted on here for sharing my thoughts before, but since you asked I'll elaborate a bit.

I’ll put the rest under a cut to save your dashes.  

Depending on the translation you read, Namjoon said something in his acceptance speech along the lines of 'soon we'll have things sorted out and we'll be able to be more honest with you/show you our true selves'. Several of the members made comments during the infamous Festa Dinner about wishing they could be more honest/tell us more, despite the fact that we learned SO much more during that hour than we've heard them say pretty much ever.  Clearly there is more they’re not sharing, but I think they’re also being intentionally vague.  The BTS guys are all so conscious of what they share with the world, I feel like they wouldn’t keep making comments like that without knowing we’d all likely try to figure out what they were referencing.  We’re all just trying to read between the lines here, most of us are probably wrong, but it’s hard to resist trying to solve the puzzle even if you know there are missing pieces.

At the surface level, they are seven completely different men who have all grown and worked together for a decade.  I do think they all get along and have a good working relationship, but have you ever had any friend or co-worker that you agreed with on literally everything for ten years straight?  Imagine seven people?  I’m sure they have had some differences with each other, with big hit/hybe over all kinds of things.  Song choices, schedules, creative direction, endorsements, enlistment, solo releases, branding, the list goes on.  It is impossible that all seven of them and the label have had a hive (hybe lol) mind and been on the same page for strategy of all of this for years on end.  We’ll never know what is he referencing being ‘honest’ about in that specific speech, but given how little they’ve said about any of those things it’s fair to assume there has been a lot that hasn’t been shared with us.  It has to be immensely difficult to be trying to work through huge hurdles like enlistment and the future of the band, and then have to constantly get in front of the public and pretend that everything is great and no one has ever disagreed.  Imagine if you had even a petty fight with your friend over something stupid, and then you had to go to an award show and do interviews, perform with them, play nice and hide how you’re really feeling.  For a decade, and I’m sure they have disagreed over things bigger than dumplings.

It seems obvious that there are bigger things going on, especially that we now know that they were planning on taking a break after their 2020 tour.  The Festa dinner made it seem like they have been doing short term plan after short term plan for two and a half years thinking that a post Covid tour and/or enlistment were around the corner.  Having no long term plan with a tour and/or enlistment looming for years now sounds so mentally exhausting.  It seems like they’re finally at a point where they can’t just keep putting off these things. They’re at peak fame, the entire world is watching to see what actually comes next and is bound to have an opinion on it. Enlistment means not fully cashing in on all the money on the table, exemption can mean a lot of unfavorable things for them as well.  Rock and a hard place, neither option fully desirable.  Right now, it seems like that some hybrid not-really-an-exemption solution is being negotiated where they ‘serve’ but also still do concerts....I haven’t been following it super closely but it does seem like it’s been dragging out forever.

What is Namjoon looking forward to being more honest about, who knows.  Is it the future of the group, solo launches, how much they might hate certain endorsement deals, the enlistment situation, the Busan concert drama, their hiatus/non-hiatus announcement, whatever the hell ‘Chapter 2′ is or was supposed to be, thoughts on their musical direction the last couple of years, label disagreements....could be all of this or none of this.  They have a lot of big stuff going on, we see very little of it, and what we do see is curated so we only know the good parts and the final outcomes.  Like I’ve been saying since the infamous Festa dinner came out, I just really hope what plays out is what the guys want.  I’m apprehensive that’s always the case because you know, capitalism and the history of pretty much every boy band that has ever existed.  What I think about it really doesn’t matter, I just know they’re in a tough spot and whatever happens next is going to upset some people no matter what it is.

[annaraebananawriter]

Hands

First off...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SQUID!!! 

I honestly had no idea it was his birthday until last night from twitter. I was in the middle of writing this scene, in fact, and realized ‘Hey, you know what? I could probably get this done in time for it!’. Now here we are.

Secondly...This is a scene from one of my WIP’s. It will probably take place somewhere in the middle chapters, but I saw that it was a fairly out of context scene to show that it wouldn’t really matter if I showed it now as a teaser or later. 

Obviously, I chose the latter.

That said, this is set to change a bit as the WIP develops, but it’ll be nice to see what you all think of it. Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Undertale, but specifically UTMV

Pairings: Implied Errorink, or Pre-Errorink

Characters: Error (Who belongs to CQ) and Ink (Who belongs to Comyet)

Warnings: Nothing really. Although, again, it is a scene from a wip, which means that it is not in it’s final form. Let me know!

Word Count: 2488

~oOo~

His phone buzzed on the floor beside him. Ink paused in the middle of trying to balance a pencil on his finger, which was probably a losing battle, but since when has that ever stopped him before? That’s right, never. And it never would. Setting the pencil aside, he checked his phone and read the short message.

mommy-bear

Are you coming home for supper? It’s past 5.

Ink jumped, looking outside to see that, indeed, the sun was lower in the sky and time had in fact passed. They must’ve gotten lost in the throughs of their homework, or the casual avoidance of it, for one of them. Error seems to have made some sort of headway into the work from Mx. Alex. Good for him. He’ll be able to hand it in on Monday without it bugging him in the back of his mind while he ignores that bugging and just doddles instead of doing his work like he should until the next thing he knows it’s almost midnight on Sunday and he still hasn’t gotten it done.

But honestly, who would do that? Certainty not Ink.

Error had also noticed his jump and was looking at him now. “What is it?”

“Just a text from my mom.” He answered, gathering up his things. A glance to his study buddy showed Error blinking and setting down his pencil as well in order to listen. “She was just wondering where I was. It’s after five, y’know? I said I’d be back then.”

“Oh.” Error fell silent after that.

Once his things were all accounted for (he did lose his eraser for a minute there and partially freaked out about it, which was kind of silly as he had plenty more than just this one white one, others that were far more colourful, but he didn’t have to worry for long—Error had silently placed it on the bed for him to grab, making Ink smile in gratitude), Ink walked to the bedroom door and got to the top of the stairs before he realized another pair of footsteps were following him.

Man, Error really needed to take him up on the suggestion of bells. He was too silent on his feet, just too much like a ghost for his liking. Not that he didn’t like ghosts. He just didn’t like people being silent when their walking. It made him paranoid.

Ink turned around. “You know I can just walk myself back, right? I literally live right next door.” He held up one finger. “That’s the house right beside yours.”

Error scowled, just like he always did when Ink pointed things out like that. It was also a reason why he was determined to point things like that out as often as he did, which was rather often. “Don’t be stupid. Of course I know that.”

“Then why are you following me?”

“What if I wasn’t? What if I just decided to get some food? To do that, I’d need to go to the kitchen, which is also downstairs.” He gestured to the passageway to said downstairs. “Those are the only stairs to get there.”

Ink smirked, “You have a box on the top shelf of your closet where you keep all the chocolate you bought, stole, or stole from Fell.” This statement was rewarded with a light blush of embarrassment from Error, who looked around as if to make sure his brothers didn’t overhear.

Ink was sure that they already knew though.

He also suspected that they put chocolate in the box too, as Error was sometimes surprised that there was some there when he had said he had eaten it all.

“I didn’t even say I was getting chocolate! I might be getting something else.”

“You don’t snack on anything but chocolate.” Error’s scowl deepened. “You also sort of admitted to following me” He couldn’t help but laugh when the blush on Error’s skull deepened in realization and his taller friend looked away from him. It was always interesting to see just how much it took to get to this shade of blue, with the yellow freckle-like dots just barely seen overtop. The sight made Ink want to draw it.

He wanted to draw it so badly.

Laughter dying down, Ink tilted his head and smiled at Error. “If you wanted to walk with me, you could’ve just asked.”

For some reason, Error glanced back at him and quickly looked away again, blush deepening again, the yellow becoming brighter. He also started to glitch a little bit, which would normally spark a tiny bit of worry, but he could see that the other wasn’t in any danger, so he had no reason to worry. If the glitches got worse, then he could worry.

That was…pretty much the saying for being friends with him.

‘If the glitches got worse, then you could worry.’

Error burrowed down, like he usually would if he had his scarf on. It was, presumably, back in his room. Weird. The glitch he knew never went anywhere without his scarf; at school, at home, at the café, at the park, walking, sitting, it was always on. Well, it probably came off at home. Here he was with his family, a safe, happy environment away from the judging eyes of school and the city. He could be himself here. That’s an assumption, at least, hopefully the right one. Ink didn’t know the relationship between skeleton and scarf and never asked, never would talk about it until, or if, Error brought it up. He wanted to respect his privacy, after all.

But now that he thought about it, the scarf had been coming off around him lately. It had started off small. It started with it being up to his mouth, almost as if a way to hide or be smaller than he was. That was how it was for a while. Then one morning, it was down just a bit, just under his mouth. And as the days passed and the two talked more and became friends, the scarf would be lower and lower. Down to the chin in Math. Under the chin the next day. Around his neck a week later in English class.

It was almost like earning his trust. He had earned Error’s trust, which meant that he got to see the skeleton behind the scarf. The true, unshielded one.

It was…kind of nice, to be honest.

Ink blinked, coming back to himself and realizing that Error had mumbled something.

“Sorry, what?”

Error looked back at him and sighed a little before speaking up just enough so that Ink could hear. “I said, can I…walk with you?” His arms went in front of him. Ink guessed that it was a temporary shield in place of the scarf.

He was prepared to be rejected and just walk back to his room.

Well, Ink couldn’t have that, now could he?

“Of course!” The smile on his face widened and he started down the stairs with lighter steps. It was always nice when friends offered to walk you home or something of the sort. The walk was less lonely, even if you never spoke a word.

It’s just how it was.

They talked in the small time it took to get from Error’s house to Ink’s. Well, that wasn’t really true. Ink did most of the talking, which ended up being mostly complaints about homework and school and also talk about his works in progresses. Error just listened quietly, humming or nodding in certain spots. He would like to think that Ink could talk about nothing at all and Error would listen. It just seemed to be the way he was.

Their friendship was a good one. Maybe there were a few unbalances here and there, but overall, it was good and healthy and, most importantly, mutual. It benefited both of them in different ways. Ink had someone who would listen without interrupting, who cared about his interest and how he felt, even though he didn’t have a soul and relied on substitutes. Error had someone who didn’t pressure him into a conversation, who gave him and respected his personal space and asked before touching his things and body. It was like a missing piece just fell into place, so perfect, it felt like it hadn’t been missing at all.

That said, there were some hurdles.

Like how Ink was soulless. There was always that thought, loud or quiet, one that questioned whether the love he felt towards his friends and family was real. Or if he was just deluding himself and everyone around him into thinking that they were. This thought had always been there, since before Dream and Blue, before Error, before anyone he was with now—what if it was all fake?

It was kind of silly. The substitutes he took acted as a soul. It supplied him his soul magic, the working parts of his body and the emotion spectrum. He may not feel things as intensely as others and may be lacking a feeling in a certain way, but that didn’t mean they weren’t real. They’re substitutes for a reason, after all.

…Ah! They’ve arrived at his house.

Ink blinked, stopping on the first step and turning back to Error. “So…” he said, finding himself unable to think of what else to say. He shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat. “I’ll see you next Friday?” He tried to think back on what else was going on in school. “We have some sort of project to do or test to study for, right?”

Error nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” He fell silent too, but didn’t leave like Ink had expected. He lingered, clearly thinking about something with the way his arms slightly glitched around. He didn’t say anything, though.

“Anything else?” Ink asked, trying to prompt him.

The blush, which had died down as they walked over here, brightened again. “Um…yeah, actually.” Error straightened and fiddled with his sleeve. “Do you remember the lesson we had…I think it was a month ago? In Health?”

Ink rocked on his heels as he thought. It was times like these that he cursed his memory. A month ago…a month ago…he didn’t really remember a lot of the lessons from a month ago. But the ones that he did… “Do you mean the one about the different types of intimacy? I only recall that it was about intimacy, nothing specific.”

“Yeah…yeah, that’s the one.”

“Okay…why is it important?” Curious. Error rarely asked him if he could remember a lesson from as long as a month ago. He knew how bad Ink’s memory was, so why did he ask? And why now, of all times?

“I, uh…w-well…” Error stuttered. Error didn’t normally stutter. It was only when he glitched really badly and was on the verge of crashing that he stuttered, or lagged, as he liked to call it. Normally, though, he spoke fine, if quiet and almost echoey.

Speaking of glitches…the ones on his arms had quickened up a little. Not enough to be too worrying yet, but definitely something to watch over.

Frowning, Ink was just about to bring that to attention when Error spoke again, voice clearer. “Just…can you…raise your hand?” He slowly brought up a hand with the inside facing Ink, like he was to high-five someone. “Like this?”

Ink eyed him suspiciously.

One of the first things he had learned about Error was that the other had haphephobia. He couldn’t stand people touching him, as it usually caused a flurry of glitches in the touched spot, and sometimes it was so bad that the minute someone touched him, he crashed. Those days were few, but they have happened. Ink had been lucky that it hasn’t happened since meeting Error. But this fact he had taken in and committed to memory, determined to not trigger his friend like that.

He would hate himself, if he did.

But now Error was asking him to raise his hand? For what? He couldn’t see them high-fiving. It would be too painful for Error and frankly a bit of a reach for Ink (he hated being short like that). And because it would be painful, he couldn’t see why he had to raise his hand.

But he was curious.

Curiosity usually made his answers for him.

Just as slowly as Error did, Ink raised his hand, mirroring the one in front of him.

Error inhaled and…

Ink’s mind froze.

He could barely focus on Error stepping closer as excitement and happiness began to take over. The urge to squeal was overwhelming, but he reigned himself in as he knew that wouldn’t help Error at all. It would probably just make him run away and never come near Ink again. And he didn’t want that. So, he forced himself to stay still and stay quiet, eyes focused on the hand that started to come closer and closer to his.

He could see the black bones begin to glitch a ton and felt a spark of worry—despite what might just happen, he didn’t want Error to hurt himself. He would never want him to—he should speak up now. He should tell Error to stop and calm down.

They didn’t have to do it like this.

They didn’t even have to touch at all!

They didn’t…have to…

It was…warm.

Fuzzy.

The hands contrasted starkly and they would be stunning in a painting. The white of Inks and the black of Errors. They were different, but they looked so well together.

This…This had to be a dream.

But it wasn’t. There was a light touch to his bones, just enough to know that the hand against his was, in fact, against his and trembling ever so slightly and actually existed in the world and not just his imagination. Somehow, this made it even more surreal. He knew it was real…but he just couldn’t believe it.

If this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

Despite his promise to stay still, Ink shakily inhaled.

And just like that, the spell was broken.

Error retracted his hand and walked away quickly. Ink was slow to realize what was happening and so by the time his hand was up and the name of his tongue, his friend was already gone. He stood there with his arm outstretched, gazing at the house next door blankly.

He slowly looked down at his hand.

It still tingled.

Gently wrapping his other hand around it, not daring to actually touch, he brought the hands closer to his chest, right over where his soul would be.

It felt like something should be beating wildly in there.

It felt like some new emotion had been lodged in his substitutes.

And somehow, it felt like that contact, the light touch of hands, was far more intimate than a kiss had ever and would ever be.

[littleoddwriter]

t4t zsaszmask?

You're Just Like Me | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask

Hope you enjoy! :)

summary; Roman reminisces about a past moment between them, while they lie in bed.

notes; Mention of Sex; Talk about Surgery; Mild Anxiety due to Paranois and Implied Medical Traumas; Blood; Scars; Self-Harm (canon-typical); Trans!Roman Sionis; Trans!Victor Zsasz; HRT; Top Surgery; Surgical Scars; Binding; Coming Out; Accidentally walking in on someone (not sexually); Established Relationship; Domestic; Kissing; Admiring one's body (specifically scars).

They were lying in bed, after just having had a post-coital shower. Roman lay on his side, his head rested on Victor’s upper arm as he was on his back, their legs tangled. His right hand gently stroked over the twin surgical scars on Zsasz’s chest, marvelling at them. They were still fairly new, only six months, and Roman just couldn’t keep his eyes and hands away from them, much like any other scar on Victor’s body.

It wasn’t only that he admired them, but that he desired them. Because in a way, he was jealous as he still hasn’t gotten surgery.

Obviously, he could get it very easily; he was the one who paid for Victor’s after all. He just had a few more emotional and mental hurdles to overcome before he could will himself to let a doctor get to work on him. It was fine, though. His chest wasn’t too conspicuous, especially not when he was wearing a binder, which was ninety-percent of the time, except for right now, while he was lying there with Zsasz and no one else would be able to see him.

When the two of them had met a couple of years ago, there had been an instant connection as it was – they found that they were very similar to each other. And at first that had meant their sadistically violent, cruel streak and disdain for humankind. Later, they had found that apparently it went deeper than that, when they realised that they both sat in the same boat.

They were both transgender men.

Sure, Roman had kind of guessed that Victor was most likely trans as well, because he very much recognised the signs from himself in his partner in crime.

The fact that Zsasz hadn’t even been on HRT at that time – whereas Roman has been on it for two years already then – gave him away to him, too. He never bothered to bring it up, though. It wasn’t his business and if Victor wanted him to know, he’d tell him – that was how he went about it himself, after all. Roman usually didn’t tell anyone that he was transgender. Why should he? It wasn’t something people needed to know, unless he was to have sex with them, and then it was only so they wouldn’t be too surprised upon his lack of typically male genitals.

In the end, Roman guessed that he should have probably given Victor a couple of hints that he was more similar to him than he’d thought. That way they might have been able to prevent the situation that had ensued when Sionis found out about Zsasz for good, purely by accident of course.

It was after a kill.

Victor had gone into the bathroom to mark himself up and Roman had genuinely thought he had been done already, because he couldn’t hear anything from inside, and at that time it was the only working bathroom. So Sionis had just opened the door without thinking and thus found Victor still standing in the middle of it. He had still been shirtless, blood on his fingers and running down his chest, which had been two small mounds at that time. Zsasz had turned around the second the door had opened and was on Roman all too fucking quickly, knife pressed against his throat.

“Fucking lock the door next time!” Roman had yelled and felt Victor press the tip of his still bloody knife into his throat, quieting him for once in his life.

“If you even think of telling anybody, you’re a dead fucking man,” Zsasz had rasped in his ear – and really, Roman hated the way it had turned him on.

“I won’t. Don’t worry about it,” he had answered truthfully, voice strained from trying not to move his throat too much, lest the blade might have drawn some blood.

Zsasz had lingered a few moments and just looked at Sionis through the mirror opposite them. Then he had finally let go of him and put his shirt on very quickly, after he’d carelessly stuck a band-aid on the fresh cut, and had left the bathroom.

Roman had come back out few minutes later, and found Zsasz sitting on his usual seat at the dining table. His leg had been bouncing and he had been playing with his knife, hunched over like always. He had been nervous.

“You really don’t need to worry about this, Mr. Zsasz,” Roman had said, coming to a stop on his partner’s right.

Victor had nodded, “Good. I’m not worried.”

But he still wouldn’t even look at him.

Heaving a deep sigh, Sionis had relented, despite his paranoia nagging at the back of his mind not to do it, “I’m like you, Victor. And it’d be really fucking hypocritical of me if I used this against you in any way. I may be cruel, but not that cruel. ‘Kay?”

That had gotten Zsasz to finally look back up at him, his mouth slack, wonder in his eyes, “Yeah, okay. Thank you, boss.”

It had been a ridiculous situation that they could have easily avoided, but it had worked out well for either of them after all.

“What are you thinking about?” Victor asked, tilting his head to make eye contact with him, rudely ripping Roman out of his reminiscence of that particular moment in their lives.

“About how we found out about each other,” Roman confessed with a small smile on his lip.

“I think about it a lot, too.”

“Because you got to know what it’d feel like to have your knife against my throat?” A knowing smirk graced Roman’s features when his assumption was proven right as Victor nodded, licking his lips.

“Why did you think about it?” Zsasz asked back.

Roman shrugged, lightly scratching his nail over the pink surgical scars, “Not sure.”

They were quiet again for a little while, content with their breathing being the only sounds in the otherwise silent room. Sometimes, Roman would move his hand and stroke over some of the tally marks on Victor’s pectorals and stomach, revelling in the knowledge of why each of them was there. His fingers would always find their way back to the surgical ones, though, no matter what.

Frustration built up inside him. He wished he wasn’t so concerned about doctors abusing their power over his unconscious body, or that his skin wouldn’t look perfect for a few years, until the scars were barely visible at all anymore.

“You know I hate doctors and don’t trust them either. But I came out alright. I’m sure if I sat in the OR with you, while they’d work on you, it should be fine. That way I could make sure they aren’t messing you up. Right?” Zsasz murmured, laying his hand on top of Roman’s and stopping his movements.

Roman tensed up for a moment, anger twisting his features, and he breathed in and out deeply a couple of times. “I don’t know. It’s a nice idea, but I don’t know if that would help. What if the scars won’t heal as well as I’ve seen on others? What if they do mess up and you don’t notice it early enough?”

“I doubt that’d happen. You take care of your skin like no one else does. The scars wouldn’t ever stand a chance, boss. And I promise you, I’ll notice everything. The doctors won’t be able to mess you up when I’m there.”

“You’re just saying that.”

Zsasz only looked at him in answer and Roman relented, heaving another deep sigh.

“’Kay, I’ll make an appointment with the same surgeon you’ve had then.”

Victor grinned and planted a kiss on Roman’s temple and then on his lips, too.

“I’m proud of you,” he murmured against Sionis’ lips.

Roman rolled his eyes, but smiled into the next few kisses, his heart swelling as he felt warm on the inside.

[shiny-procrastinates]

(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 3

part 2 here

Hello everyone and welcome back to our watch-through of the first season of Magia Record! Last time, we met a trio of Kamihama magical girls, Momoko, Rena and Kaede, and, after Rena and Kaede fighting, Kaede is kidnapped by the “chain monster”, a part of the rumor of the Staircase of Severance. Now, it’s up to Iroha, Momoko and Rena to find and take her back. Will they succeed, or will someone lose their heads? The only way to know is by watching, so let’s get right to it.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record Episode 3

Rather than going back to the plot right away, we are given a flashback of Iroha’s younger sister and two other girls. The brown haired girl has apparently created an eternal motion machine in the form of a toy train, saying something about how adults must be stupid if they never thought of that before, and that toy train proceeds to crash into a pile of books and set fire on them. Good job. 

I don’t want to hear this from a gacha game character. Your original work is even more fragile than this!

The megane girl, Nemu, compares the brown haired girl, Touka’s actions to the burning of the Library of Alexandria (dramatic much?) and the two start fighting, with Ui trying to stop them. They’re just like Momoko’s trio on the previous episode, breaking their friendship up and everything.

Once again, it was Iroha’s dream. You know the erasure really went in on it when even the rug is cut in half.

Iroha’s sister had friends at the hospital, so she could get some new clues if only she could find them.

Floof Momoko.

Before going looking for Kaede, Momoko and co. drop by Kamihama Mirena-za, aka. the Coordinator’s. I tried searching if Milena constellation was actually a thing, but the only thing I could find was that there’s a Galileo satellite named Milena. Huh.

The Coordinator had a client, but she’s done right away. We learn that the Coordinator’s name is Mitama Yakumo, but still have no idea what she actually does.

Besides not having a sense of personal space.

Momoko explains that Iroha’s not there to get adjusted, whatever that means, and asks if Yachiyo is there yet. Who’s this Yachiyo though?

Aaawkward.

To no one’s surprise, I guess, since I already said it, but this girl is Yachiyo. And she absolutely ignores Iroha. Rude.

Yachiyo and Momoko start talking between themselves about Kaede’s case. (and MItama’s fixing Momoko’s hair. Cute). It seems Yachiyo is well aware of the rumor of the Staircase of Severance. She pulls out a notebook, and Momoko notes that she’s knowledgeable about these things.

Momoko asks Yachiyo to lend them her help, and Yachiyo agrees to do it, since Kaede is in danger, but adds that she won’t work with people who will only be a burden, looking at Iroha.

...not that she’s wrong, but still rude.

Well, I mean, that might make sense when you’re so op, but you don’t have to say it outright!

Still, Yachiyo has a point: it’d be too dangerous to bring along a weak magical girl to a fight with an unknown enemy. So Mitama offers a solution: why don’t they just adjust Iroha’s Soul Gem?

Mitama does a very short explanation of what “adjusting a Soul Gem” actually entails, and this one short screen tells us the rest. It’s basically what let Momoko and Rena do that joint attack earlier. I wonder if this was even long enough on the screen for the people who watched this on tv to read it. 

Momoko says that Yachiyo should have no complaints as long as they do that and Yachiyo is like “yeah, whatever”.

...now that I think about it, what is Mitama doing here?

Continue? Iroha hasn’t sacrificed anyone tho.

...oh, I forgot we don’t get to see Iroha getting adjusted.

So, our girls are now at the rumored stairs at Kamihama University Affiliated School. Leaving aside Momoko and Rena, since they are students there, one has to wonder how exactly did Iroha and Yachiyo manage to get up there without being found. This school’s security is lacking!

While the girls run up to the rumored Staircase of Severance (this is so annoying to write) we see some messages on screen of what I assume are Rena’s classmates, and get pushed some ideas of what friends should be like, all while Momoko tries to cheer Rena up.

Okay, that’s a really narrow staircase. Who decided to put this creepy thing here?

Momoko writes her and Yachiyo’s name on the staircase (and we sneakily learn Yachiyo’s surname is Nanami). The two are reenacting the rumor, so now they’ll make up to draw the Chain Witch out. That is, after they give us their transformation scenes!

While Yachiyo’s themes are water and stars(?), and she has gracious movements, Momoko’s literally burning up and kicking things. Their transformations parallel one another, and yet they are completely opposites. I love it! (but Momoko kicking the sword still takes the cake for me).

Now that I think about it, for all that fire theme she has going, Momoko's not that hot-blooded. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, I guess.

Rena’s transformation focuses on her shapeshifting powers, throwing her through mirrors and with lots of expression changes. It’s not because she’s tsundere, the transformation seems to tell us Rena has lots of faces.

...I also like her DDR routine right at the start, it’s cute.

The theme of Iroha’s transformation is birbs. Rather than telling us something about who she is like the others, I see hers as basically about what she’s doing right now: much like she did by coming to Kamihama, Iroha takes the courage and jumps into the unknown, chasing after a mirage.

I’m always a little bothered with how she falls straight down despite taking impulse when she jumps, but hey, what can you do lol

One of the (many) cool things about this whole sequence is how the bgm is continuous throughout the transformations, only changing a bit to match each of the girls.

That’s not very convincing acting, Momoko. Yachiyo’s is not much better, either. They theorize it only works if they’re really fighting, and Rena says she’ll do it.

Rena starts apologizing, but nothing happens. Iroha says it might be because she’s not saying it from her heart and Rena’s gets upset.

Rena can’t just feel like making up right away, but it’s not like she doesn’t want Kaede to come back. These two seem to have a complicated relationship, but in the end, it’s clear that Rena does like her. Rena starts crying and apologizes for making Kaede be friends with someone like her all this time. Then, the Chain Witch appears.

We get a flashback to Rena flashbacking (confusing, I know) about all the times Kaede apologized to her, while watching an idol show.

Don’t we all?

So, yeah… Rena is a complicated character. (and a Sayuki stan)

Iroha wakes up in Rena’s room for some reason. Clearly-not-Momoko starts a monologue of how no one could ever like Rena.

Rena hates herself, so she wanted to change. She wanted to become someone else, so her wish gave her shapeshifting powers, but didn’t change her, so she still hates herself (considering the implications when this type of wish does work, see Oriko’s Kirika, she might have gotten the better end of the deal.

Kaede calls out to Rena and Iroha and Rena break out of the strange television-exposition-vision-thingy. So the first thing they start doing, naturally, is start bickering again. Great friends! 

Oh look, the weird Kyuubei is back! Like the nice mascot character he is, he’s showing Iroha the way to the main Witch.

Rena and Kaede start to have a heart-to-heart while fighting (the familiars now, not each other).

Familiar: hahaha, that tickles

Rena says their friendship is over once they get out of there, since they were never real friends to begin with, but Kaede doesn’t want that. Kaede says that if Rena’s problem is that she never apologizes, she just did earlier and Rena says that didn’t count, so Kaede replies that then they breaking up doesn’t count either. Nice, Kaede!

Kaede basically says that, yeah, Rena can be terrible, but she likes her that way anyway, so they can continue being friends.

Rena says that Kaede needs to listen to her, she needs to let her apologize too and tells her she’ll do it once they get out.

While they’re doing that, Yachiyo and Momoko climb to the top and knock down the witches’ main body. Momoko then calls for Kaede and Rena to finish it off. Nice VFX there btw.

Rena and Kaede join hands and using both their magic they pinball the witch into the air with Rena's mirrors. Rena launches plant-enchanted copy spears at it and the witch bursts into leaves and dries... Kaede's magic is kind of scary like this.

Oh, how adorable. Aaaand he's gone. 

The witch is defeated and Rena now has to make good on her promise to apologize. But, seems like honestly apologizing is still too much of a hurdle for her so after some struggle she swerves to another thing. Thankfully, Kaede knows Rena well enough and she's fine with this.

Look at them, so precious.

While Momoko and Iroha catch their breath, Yachiyo approaches them and informs them the Witch didn't drop a Grief Seed. In fact, she says that might've not even been a Witch at all. Yachiyo points out it's weird to have a Witch that comes out anywhere whenever the conditions of a rumor are met, in particular since they didn't even feel it's magic beforehand. She warns them that something weird is going on in Kamihama, then leaves in the most dramatic way possible.

Sometime later, our group is back at Satomi Medical Center. Seems Rena has given in and decided to help after all.

Going by the original plan, Rena transformed into a nurse and investigated the hospital. It's pretty cool how her voice is slightly distorted in this little sequence with her undoing her transformation.

No one in the hospital remembered Iroha's sister, but they did remember Touka and Nemu. That means Iroha's memories aren't entirely wrong.

With that, Iroha goes back to Takarazaki for the day, with some new friends and a very small but important step closer to finding her beloved younger sister.

"Sorry for making you my friend."

That's it folks, this was the third episode of Magia Record('s first season)! No one lost their heads... well except that not-witch if we count the bell as it's head, but I think that's just fine for this series, because--

OH WAIT THERE'S MORE

Talking about lost heads, look who's here! I totally forgot this episode had a stinger. My bad.

Kyuubei can't enter Kamihama now for some reason, so he needed someone to investigate the cause for him and contacted Mami as a strong veteran Magical Girl. There are rumors about that someone in Kamihama is gathering all the Witches around to monopolize Grief Seeds, which would explain why the city is infested with them and they being stronger than normal. Mami says she doesn't want trouble with the Magical Girls of another territory, but will investigate whether the current events are due to a Witch or Magical Girl. I like the short cut that shows her from beneath the grating, it's neat. Just have no idea what it's supposed to mean.

!--rant incoming--! (I say, as if this whole post isn't one)

Anyways, like I was saying... writing? Before the stinger disrupted my thoughts, I think it's just fine that Magia Record's ep3 doesn't have any big twists like Madoka. The original had that maybe for the shock factor, yes, but also because it needed it to make clear what kind of story they were actually going for, and that worked great for that show and the time when it came out. But Magia Record is more of a mystery. We don't need it to push the point of magical girl suffering because the original already did that, we need it to give us things to puzzle about, and that it already did with the weird witch of this episode. Could it have made that better? Maybe, but Magia Record also has the problem that it's cast is significantly bigger, so they have to fit those introductions somewhere. So while it introduces Momoko's trio and a bit Yachiyo, it also tries it's best to situate us (and Iroha by extension) as to how Kamihama's magical girl's world is like and what's going on there. It's a lot to juggle and the anime doesn't get the benefit like the game of being able to just put the character's backstory on a separate chapter. I really like character focused things, so I don't mind the anime trying to fit as much as it can in, but I can see how that might turn other people off. That's one of the things that's really a matter of taste I guess.

!--ok, you can come back now--!

One of the visual things I really like in this episode is the effect with the floating kana and kanji on the Labyrinth. I wonder how that was done. It's animated, so I don't think it's part of the background, but then I'm also not sure at which stage of production that'd be put in. It's really neat.

Well, with this, we are done with episode 3 of Magia Record! What will we do next? Who knows! It doesn't seem like Iroha noticed it, but just knowing that Touka and Nemu existed, not even getting their surnames, does not give her any new clues to go with. She barely started and already is at a dead-end, poor girl.

Before jumping off the building, Yachiyo also added another question to our already filled question bucket: what was up with that weird witch? What is this strange thing that is going on in Kamihama? Why are you looking like that at Momoko's team?

As viewers, however, there is only one way of answering all this: by watching. So I'll be looking forward to having you guys join me tomorrow for episode 4! Have a good morning/afternoon/evening!

PS.: The last two episodes had about 30 screenshots, this one has about 40, at this rate by the time I get to episode 13 I'll be taking screenshots of the whole episode...

[thefivenights]

corpse, business man, and mother dearest?

i put it under a cut bc william is doing that blood tear thing again and i warn to read the tags because i dont just do those willy nilly and if i missed one please tell me so i can add it on!

Inspiration: I'm gonna be honest I have no idea

Micheal was a product of a drunken night between Jennifer and William and the direct cause to their marriage. Takes more after his mother in attitude and most of his looks.

While he had a somewhat better relationship with his father than William did with his own, he didn't have a healthy one. He craved any sort of attention or praise from his dad and soon resorted to bullying his siblings to get some form of attention. He never got any regardless and was told to 'try harder' and he'll be rewarded.

This bullying stopped after he shoved his brother into Fredbear's mouth and got suspended from school due to a nasty fight. This was partially due to being traumatized and also William allowing him to help out with his projects (aka Jen told him to and the couch wasn't comfortable)

He gained a talent for robotics and was even the one who made BonBon for Funtime Freddy

He had no idea until the events of Sister Location that the robots were made to kill, or that his sister was killed by Circus Baby. He genuinely thought that Elizabeth just ran away again.

Moved away from the house after his mom said William wasn't coming home again. Part of him was relieved.

Went to therapy and finally realized that his dad sucked and he can break this toxicity that seems to curse the guys in his family (well, most of them)

Got healthy male role models in the form of Henry and his Uncle and made some friends in the neighborhood

Curiousity kills the cat when he gets a message from an unknown number recommending a job at Circus Baby's Pizza World that featured some familiar faces (he was overjoyed at seeing bonbon again but not when funtime freddy was also involved)

When he took over the role of Mike Schmidt, it was less a new name and more of the actual Mike Schmidt needed to leave town for safety reasons and Micheal offered to just take his place at the pizzeria so he could focus on skedaddling (win-win)

Was unaware of Springtrap/Scraptrap being his dad until he spoke, and then Henry let Micheal have an extra taser because he refused to do his work without it handy (eventually it was agreed that Micheal would be allowed to have metal bat because he kept breaking his computer with the taser)

Grew close to Henry after the move and working with him made them closer, Micheal got a father figure and Henry got to care for someone again (to the point where they sat next to each other in the final moments)

Returned from the dead to assist other spirits with animatronic ties with the task of moving on, regardless of whether it was because of his father or not. Is assisted by his brother who took the form of Fredbear in what he finds to be the darkest joke Louis has ever made

Inspiration: I always think of the Clown from dbd but that's very loosely related but its a lot of the dbd killers tbh

Was always that kid who had animal skulls in his room, or knew just a little too much about medieval torture methods

Had a horrendous relationship with his father that was physically and mentally abusive

Was more or less raised by his older brother (who isn't that much older mind you) and his doormat of a mother, who he cared for dearly

Has only used a firearm once, and it was to finally rid the house of the monster that hurt everyone inside, he hasn't touched one since

Was forced to move to America by his mother after his brother convinced her that he killed her husband

Was favored by his mother over the elder sibling and was effectively free from punishment

Met Jennifer after she threw her stuffed rabbit his face with enough force that she made his nose bleed, she apologized but wasn't sincere ("He looked at me funny Ma!")

Was a little bit unnerving to be around but still managed to make a few friends when he was younger in the form of Henry, Jennifer, and a kid named Casey who went missing (and before anyone asks no he had no hand in this)

Was obsessed with robotics and made a promise with Henry to make robots when they got older

Learned how to play guitar so he could impress Jen, ended up embarrassing himself and also fell out of a tree. Surprisingly, she found this charming and asked him out (while also laughing)

Got wasted on his 21st birthday and take a wild guess what happened that night

Came up with the concept for Spring Bonnie thanks to Jen's stuffed rabbit and even helped make the springlock suit itself

When asked by Henry why he did what he did (aka murder) he just laughed in his face and started talking about freeing them from the monsters while also referring to himself as one. No one had any idea what he was talking about but managed to escape getting the police called on him. He had no reason other than he knew he could get away with it, figured he might as well play tragic villain to amp up the guilt

Probably should've gotten therapy after the move but never did

Genuinely cared for his children but had an obvious favorite in the form of Elizabeth (who wasn't even his)

Figured ignoring Micheal would keep him from patricide but just made things worse

Figured out quickly after a head count during that party with Circus Baby what happened to his daughter and made off with the animatronic as soon as possible, lying to his family that she ran away again but would turn up eventually

Has never laid a hand on his children but was unaware what total ignorance towards them would lead to

After the Fredbear incident he at least paid more attention to Micheal, if only to prevent the boy from shoving his daughter into another bear mouth

Is an excellent cook and good at drink mixing

Never really got along with his own brother but at least respected him for what he did (including the biggest cover he was ever given)

After Micheal made his intent to bash his dad's animatronic face in clear, he decided that Micheal was no longer a child and free to attack (he did get tased and also bashed with a bat a few times before being dragged to hell)

"I may kill children but at least I respect my son's pronouns"

Inspiration: an older friend of mine

Jennifer was always a rebellious child, and an oddity in her mother's eyes

On that note, the two never saw eye to eye on anything, and clashed daily

Resolved to never become like her mother and succeeded

Had a stuffed rabbit named monster truck that she liked to throw at people (namely the new british kid in the neighborhood who looked at her funny)

Was best friends with a kid named Casey Fitzgerald before they went missing

Chopped her hair off at the age of 15 and basically told her mother to suck on a lemon (but with more swearing)

Generally a delightful little child /j

Raised Micheal in a tiny apartment with her then boyfriend before they got the house they raised Louis and Elizabeth in

Saw the situation Elizabeth was in and pretty much just adopted her on the spot (there was some extra hurdles but they got their daughter in the end)

Was the one who actually raised the Afton children due to William being both busy and inattentive for various reasons

Wasn't perfect in raising her kids but was certainly better than her husband

Took dance lessons when she was younger and encouraged her children's creative behaviors

After Elizabeth "ran away" she found out about William's previous... activities and devised a plan to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone ever again

She told him what she found but mentioned that she was just disappointed in how careless his plan was in terms of the four main animatronics having his face saved in their systems, meaning it wouldn't be long until the police were at their door

When he returned home from destroying Freddy, she insisted it was better to do it all in one night to prevent suspicion, however this almost gave her plan away when he mentioned it was stupidly lethal. She succeeded when he still went back stating that he was smarter than most people

When he never returned home she told Micheal to pack his things and anything else he wanted to take with him, they were moving to another state so they could have a fresh start. She waited til he was a bit older to explain why William never returned home

Encouraged Micheal to get therapy and tried her best to give him a balanced home life. This became easier when Will's brother decided to step in and help and the duo became good friends (what also helped was that he was a teacher at Micheal's new school)

Warned Micheal to be wary about the new job at the pizza world and when Micheal finally rid himself of Ennard she gave him a place to stay while he figured out what to do about his situation

Helped Henry and Micheal set up the fake pizzeria and even wrote up fake lawsuits and ads

Is still alive after all these years out of pure determination to outlive any form of her ex husband

[saras-almanac]

Your tags on the Aaron getting a friend are good cause I agree but I’m wondering why you think they can’t write Aaron and Liv. Cause I feel like their relationship is one of the best ones and I don’t get where this talk comes from. It feels like every time she has any scene with Aaron people hate on her and it. She’s his little sister and also he’s her guardian so she’s gonna have to be involved.

So two quick things. I have no problem with Liv being around Aaron in a general sense. Yes, he’s her guardian and brother and sometimes I do like their dynamic. And two, their relationship is interesting occasionally (like when she gets angry at him while he’s in prison and when she gets angry with him while she’s at youth offenders) so it can be fun to explore that. (If they did.) 

But the thing is... those few moments are due more to happenstance than any actual interesting development on either the characters’ or the writers’ parts. Now this is completely my opinion and if you think the Liv / Aaron dynamic is stellar and your favorite part--that’s awesome. But you may not want to read this because I’m going to get into a little bit. It’s not that they can’t write Aaron and Liv (and to be honest, I don’t fully remember what exactly I even said in the tags of that post), it’s that the show has kept them in this state of stasis for four years--no development, no changes, nothing except them getting more codependent in a way that’s really uncomfortable to watch. 

To be totally blunt, Liv had absolutely zero purpose from the start of her involvement except to be a hurdle for Aaron and Robert. Not a way to show another side of Aaron or to introduce a new young person into the village. I mean, just look at how they wrote her into the village. She ran away from her mother and then declared that she’s moving in with Aaron who she’d met like... a few weeks ago? Maybe seen him like three times? Now I could have gotten over this rushed entrance if it went anywhere, but it didn’t. We had just seen Aaron go through the trial and finally able to sort of breathe and begin to heal and then suddenly he’s now in charge of a teenager who he refuses to actually discipline and be a guardian for. The show was so desperate to have a strong brother/sister bond that they legit forgot that Aaron was the one responsible for her. 

They never really had him step into the role of guardian ever. That’s what Robert and Chas were for. Again, that’s not the worst thing and could have led to some interesting arguments between Aaron and Chas (which the show did like a tiny little bit) but they didn’t really commit to any of it. Liv needed an actual parental figure in her life and, as much as some people might be loathe to admit it, that person ended up being Robert. (Which is another reason I’m so annoyed that they didn’t allow any conversation about Liv and her feelings without him, but that’s a thing to explore in fanfics I guess.) 

On top of Aaron not actually being a guardian for Liv, they write her to be a caretaker for him. How many times have we seen Liv try to help Aaron or take care of him or get him back to “normal?” If it was just occasionally or a little more subtle than “Why am I not enough for you?” (which I will literally never be over), it might not be so noticeable. But it is because Aaron has no one outside of his family. So he relies on Liv to be his caretaker and his friend and his sister... and like... that’s awful to have to watch all the time. 

They literally don’t allow Liv anything outside of Aaron, which brings me back to my first point of they had no idea what they were doing with her when they brought her on full time. What has she done apart from drugging Lisa and going to youth offenders that Aaron hasn’t been directly involved or been a way to push Aaron’s own story forward? And even that ultimately ended up being more about Aaron. And to be totally honest, if they stopped including Liv in the soap at all tomorrow, no one would even notice because she’s never been integrated into the village itself. She exists only as Aaron’s little sister and that is it. 

And to make one final point on the whole they’re friends first thing: it wouldn’t be so horrible if Aaron had an actual adult friend to talk to as well. To have an adult leaning so heavily on a teenager--especially one they’re guardian for--is toxic and incredibly unhealthy. I want Aaron to have an adult to talk to and have a friendship with so Liv doesn’t have to carry all the emotional burdens all the time. I want them to be able to explore things outside of each other, so when they actually have scenes together, they’re not the same beat over and over and over again. 

[mc-yuki-chan]

Yuki’s backstory!

They were an odd kid, truthfully. They liked to watch the flowers, look at the sky, look at how the bugs moved, and read. They never particularly cared for making friends with kids their age, it never seemed to pop up in their mind. Until they met Natsuo; a young boy who was charming and sweet and didn’t mind their quiet observations of the world. The two bonded quickly and almost immediately became inseparable. They grew up together; were in all the same clubs, shared most of their classes. They were like two peas in a pod, and Yuki never wanted to be anywhere else. Nastuo was charming, charismatic, funny, and outgoing; all the things Yuki was not. Natsuo made friends quickly, whereas Yuki was shy and withdrawn within themselves. Yuki really looked up to him. 

Yuki grew up in a once loving family! 

Their father was an only child, whereas their mother had a sister- one she never really talked about as Yuki was growing up. (They didn’t know they had an aunt until she reached out to them when they were in their final year of school) 

They grew up relatively lonely as an only child, only really feeling connected to their parents when they would make food together and purposefully making too much so they have to go and share it with the neighbors. Those are the really good memories that Yuki cherishes. 

Another large hurdle in Yuki’s life was their feelings for Natsuo. They had fallen deeply in love with their childhood friend, and couldn’t imagine their life apart. 

During this time they were dealing with three large issues; their parents growing disdain for each other, severe bullying, and their identity. While their parents were silently angry at each other all the time, and the tension in the home was so thick you could barely breathe. All throughout highschool, they were being intensely bullied, for reasons beyond their understanding. People would prank them, tease them, mock them, and even went as far as to try and push them out a window. Their uniforms got stolen, they got paint poured on them, and letters of grusome and horrible things always ended up in their locker. Hajoon Lee, Natsuo and Yuki's mutual friend, was the only one who stood up for them, defended them, and told people to leave them alone.

They also struggled with who they were. They didn’t feel as though male really fit them, nor did they feel that female really fit them. Neither of those identities really felt like.... them. It was like they were trying to force themselves into a neat little box that they couldn’t even see. It was weird, and felt wrong, and they couldn’t even begin to explain why. They struggled for years with trying to figure out exactly what they felt, and how they felt about it, and it took many deep dives into the gender and sexuality studies online for them to really come to the conclusion.They were nonbinary, feeling the most comfortable with They/Them pronouns, and enjoyed both masculine and feminine things but were neither of them at the same time. It was freeing, it was comforting. They felt seen. Their parents still argued in the background when they thought their child couldn’t hear. 

Then Natsuo developed a crush, and things seemed to change. Natsuo had less time for Yuki; they hung out less, Natsuo didn’t talk to them as much, and Natsuo didn’t explain why. They just... drifted apart. So, Yuki took it upon themselves to try and fix things- by being honest. They weren’t sure if this was going to fix the growing distance between them, but... 

Life always has it’s ups and downs. That’s how we know we’re alive. 

Yuki chose to confess in one of the most romantic ways they could think of; at the Wishing Star Festival. Natsuo and Yuki went every year together. Yuki had gotten a piece of paper and wrote their wish on it, and waited patiently for Natsuo to show up. He was two hours late. Yuki didn’t mind; he was probably busy at home! They knew that his mom sometimes liked to fuss. They walked around, and Natsuo didn’t grab a piece of paper to write his wish down. Yuki thought it was odd, but didn’t comment on it. No, they were too nervous to really make good small talk. It was clear something was on Yuki’s mind, but it seemed like Natsuo didn’t notice. Yuki didn’t notice that either. Yuki didn’t notice a lot of things that night. They found a secluded spot, Yuki tied their wish to the tree, and silently made their wish. Yuki paused a bit, and let the silence hang in the air, and swallowed down the butterflies in their throat. 

“I’ll tell you my wish, if you want. It’s really simple.” 

Natsuo laughed, it seemed a little awkward- like he had been zoning out and only just then realized he was out in public with someone. 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the whole purpose of making a wish?” 

“Hehe, yes, but I think I want to share it with you anyways.” 

Natsuo only huffed another laugh and shrugged. 

“Okay, what’s your wish?” 

Yuki smiled, and quietly confessed. “My wish was that we would be together forever, because I love you.” 

As you can probably assume, this did not end well.  

Natsuo quickly back peddled and quickly grew more and more uncomfortable- saying he wasn’t gay, he didn’t like Yuki that way, that it was weird for two men to like each other. This hurt Yuki, who then explained that they are nonbinary, and tried to explain what it meant and what that meant for them. Natsuo became angry, and started shouting- claiming Yuki was making all of this up so that they could get the girl he was crushing on. Yuki didn’t understand- they had met that girl once or twice, at max, why would they have feelings for her? Natsuo confessed he was late because he had been on a date with the girl, and she had been into him, but said that she didn’t like the way Yuki looked at him. And now he understood why, he had said, before ripping Yuki’s wish off the tree. Natsuo began screaming obscene and cruel things, things that deeply hurt Yuki to this day.

Yuki had gone home crying that night, and poured their heart out to their parents; the crush, their gender, the fight, everything. Their parents... took it better, but not well enough. They tried to console them by saying that it was a phase, and that once they found a nice girl and got married that they wouldn’t be “So obsessed with becoming a girl”. 

Yuki’s life shifted over night. 

Their parents began fighting more intensely, arguing about which one of them fucked up their kid more, who’s fault it was that they were like this, why they were so weird. 

At school, no one talked to them. People had been around them because they themself was always with Natsuo, but since the fight Natsuo hasn’t said a single word to them. The girl he had a crush on was now clearly dating him, if the shy looks and blushes were anything to go by. This shattered Yuki’s heart every time it happened. With the distance from their friends, the bullying continued to steadily get worse.

The only saving grace came in the form of their aunt, Ayane, who had moved to Korea to escape her homophobic family. She was a proud lesbian, and wasn’t afraid to be who she was- she was bold, and strong, and she had reached out to Yuki to try and rekindle a relationship between the two; she had always been incredibly hurt that she was never there to watch Yuki grow up. They began talking, and venting out all their feelings, and their aunt eagerly suggested they move in with her in Korea. They realized that this may be the best shot at life they could get. 

The final time that Yuki and Natsuo spoke was on graduation day, before they went home to pack their bags to move to Korea. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but Natsuo said that he wishes them the best of luck in their life (still ignoring the use of their real pronouns) it was stiff, awkward, and he clearly looked like he didn't want to be there.  Yuki swallowed thickly and stiffly and formally thanked him, and didn’t begin to cry until they were already in their room.  

Maybe that’s why they downloaded a mysterious messaging app..? 

They moved to Korea a few years after their final year of school, and moved in with Ayane. It was really all good from there. 

There they met Oba-chan (Her name is Hinata, but she insisted that Yuki called her grandmother), and began working at her flower shop. Hinata quickly took them in, accepting them and their identity as if it wasn’t unusual or strange in the slightest; a sharp and drastic change to their previous life in Japan. It was so... good. They felt so safe here, it was great. They worked hard, learned quickly, and faster than anyone anticipated they rose to a high position in the shop- assisting Hinata with financial business and helping renovate the business into what it is today- the most popular stop for home grown flowers in Seoul. 

Eventually, Hinata grew too old to feel fit enough to run the store, so she left it to Yuki, who had shown incredible dedication and attention to detail, and they have been running it ever since. Shortly after getting ownership of the business, they were able to afford their own apartment and have been living on their own for a few months now. They regularly have family dinners at Hinata’s house with her friends and Ayane’s girlfriend and they cook massive meals that they can share with family and neighbors alike. 

With all these good things happening in their life, the sudden and intense loss of losing a pillar in the life was still incredibly jarring, and they still are incredibly lonely. They guarded their heart carefully after that heartbreak, they weren’t sure if they could handle that kind of rejection again- let alone any rejection while they were still so tender. It may have been almost 5 years, but it cut so deep that it still was healing. 

[haloud]

take a chance and don’t ever look back: chapter 2

ao3

Senior year is everything and nothing like it was supposed to be. Maybe if Michael had more chance to watch television as a kid, he would have had a clearer expectation of what was to come; or maybe he just would have had a false hope to rail against.

Whatever the case, in real life he flew blind.

But it’s almost over now. He photocopies his scholarship letter from UNM and sticks it to the roof of his truck so he can look at it when it rains and the stars aren’t out. Final exams are a few weeks out, but for the first time in his life they don’t feel like the end of his world knocking down the door. He did it. He’s in. Everything else is just the credits rolling.

Only one more hurdle to jump.

Michael and Alex still don’t really know each other. Their circles brush a little more these days than they used to—Michael goes where his siblings go, Isobel goes where Max goes, so all three of them go to the Crashdown every day ending in Y. It’s not such a big deal, though, not yet. Prom has always been Michael’s endgame. A big gesture. Something deserving of Alex Manes and his smile and the nose piercing he got over the summer. Max keeps talking about how he and Liz are running out of time, but Michael doesn’t see why things have to end the second he hits the highway. People say long distance relationships never work out, but people also seem to think they’re alone in the universe. Clearly, people need to start using their imaginations.

Now, Michael never skips class, and he’s never really had to put up with bullies despite the rumors he’s homeless because everyone’s too scared of Isobel. But it’s a matter of course that he’d have a handful of hiding places across campus. Last time he grew he ended up too tall to fit in his old spot under the east stairs, but the new spot is even better: a little-used janitor’s closet sandwiched between two auditorium access doors. Spring is his new favorite season, because sometimes when he posts up in there during lunch or after class, he can hear the orchestra practicing for their upcoming concert.

It’s there where he gets the idea to kick off his master plan with a little bit of petty theft. Not the best idea, but Alex hasn’t gotten any easier to talk to, not when Michael’s heart still starts to tap dance whenever they’re in the same room. At least this gets his attention.

Smoothing his hands over Alex’s guitar feels all at once both sacred and utterly profane. He feels it under his palms for hours after giving it back.

And then…Michael always knew Alex was kind, but he doesn’t even have words for what it is that Alex offers him in a steady voice. Nothing to say but thank you, each word like the sound of a gonging bell between them. He doesn’t even get to ask what he was going to ask, too overwhelmed and grateful and awed and small inside.

On prom night, it seems like the whole school’s gone stag this year. There’s Liz and Valenti, of course, but everyone else Michael knows is only coming to party. Even Isobel doesn’t even play at wanting a trophy on her arm this year. When Michael asks her who she’s taking, she goes wan and tense the way she spends too much time going these days and snaps that of course she’s taking him, why, does he not want her to? Some college girl from Albuquerque already making the drive for him?

It stings a little—or, okay, a lot, but Michael gets it better than anyone else possibly could. Sometimes it feels like he knows people best by the way their backs look shrinking in the distance. He doesn’t want that for Is; she deserves to know that she’s always gonna be his best girl. So he spends half the night showing her a good time, making her laugh on the dance floor, keeping her company even when Max drifts away to follow Liz at a distance. It’s a bit of a dent on his plans, but nothing’s more important to him than Is knowing she’s gonna be loved.

The party’s in full swing when she turns to him, eyes sparkling, cheeks pinker than her dress, and says, “Isn’t there anyone else you’d rather dance with? Not that I’m not flattered, of course!”

Michael turns pink too. He feels like he’s been hearing Alex’s name whispered all night, but he can’t be sure because that’s just kind of normal for him. Isobel smiles—not her teasing grin, but a resigned twist of her lips.

“Go,” she says, punching his shoulder lightly.

“Are you sure? I don’t have to—”

“Go, Michael. You’ve done enough. I mean it.” Isobel leans in and kisses him on the cheek. As if to prove her point, she then turns sharply on her heel and stalks like a lioness to some random guy on the dance floor. Michael laughs, shaking his head. Oh, Isobel.

Oh, Alex.

It’s now or never. Michael has to find him in the crush of bodies somehow, has to seize the moment before it’s gone for good. He’s sweating a little too much, though, he’s a little too disheveled, a little too emotional. He just needs to catch his breath, maybe splash some water on his face. Slipping out the side door—really, it shouldn’t be this easy, aren’t these things chaperoned?—Michael sucks in a breath that chills his lungs, the building’s AC cranked up high to compensate for all the grinding, grasping bodies packed into one room. He heads straight for the bathroom, his secondhand dress shoes bouncing eerily off the walls of the deserted school. He rounds the corner, only to slam straight into the sharp shoulder of someone waiting on the other side. It clips him right in the center of his chest and he sprawls back, arms windmilling, until his back hits the lockers with a bang.

“Guerin?” The person almost-shouts. Michael jerks his arms up to cover his face before the voice registers to his brain.

“Oh god, oh god, Guerin, I’m so sorry, I thought you were someone else—” Alex babbles, and Michael jerks his arms down as quickly as they came up. Alex grabs his shoulders and pulls him forward, presses at a few places on his back to feel for bruising. Michael feels himself ragdoll with a combination of adrenaline leaving his body and the sheer sweet relief of Alex touching him with care, but he manages to coordinate his mouth muscles enough to speak.

“It’s okay, Manes, it’s okay. I’m fine.” He straightens up, holding his arms out to demonstrate. Alex relents slightly; the last thing he does is tug the lapels of Michael’s jacket so it settles neat back over his shoulders.

(He really hopes Alex doesn’t look down.)

The silence rattles around the cavernous hallway. Nothing but linoleum and concrete and emptiness in every direction, but Michael and Alex stand occupying the same foot of space, breathing in each other’s air.

Clearing his throat, Michael says, “Uh, I was just—got a little hot in there. What are you doing out here?”

Alex’s eyes dart off to the side, and he chews on his lower lip. Michael is about to say he doesn’t have to answer if he doesn’t want to when the door Michael came through bursts open and spills out four or five loud voices. The color drains from Alex’s face, and Michael doesn’t think, just says:

“I know a place. Come on.”

The two of them take off, cutting through all the shortcuts Michael knows until they reach the narrow auditorium accessway. Even this late at night, the door to the janitor’s closet remains blessedly unlocked.

One thing he didn’t plan for though: it’s a little cramped for two people. Michael’s “don’t look down” problem is going to become a different problem entirely if Alex gets too fidgety. Luckily, it’s at least too dark for Alex to see how he’s lighting up pink.

Potential for embarrassment aside, Michael doesn’t like the angry hunch of Alex’s shoulders, the ducked head, the clenched jaw. He wants to reach out and, and hug him, but he doesn’t know if he’s allowed. Doesn’t know if comforting him like that would be okay.  So he stumbles out, “Hey, a-are you okay? I know it’s probably a stupid question since it’s prom and we’re standing in a janitor’s closet, but—"

“I’m just pissed. It’s Valenti. He keeps popping up, and he hasn’t said anything yet, but I know he’s going to. And everywhere I look there’s a football player staring back. I shouldn’t let Valenti get to me. I kept telling myself this year would be different after last year was so boring and crappy but I’ve spent all night avoiding his stupid cronies instead of having any fun. And then I almost decapitated a perfectly innocent guitar-stealing weirdo.” At that last sentence, his eyes flick to Michael’s and he makes an attempt at a smile, at lessening the tension.

Michael’s shoulders drop in relief, and heart skipping a beat at Alex’s mention of last year, he licks his lips. Last year wasn’t boring for Michael. He’s kind of been measuring time in terms of before last year and after he started waking up with Alex’s name on his lips.

“Night’s not over yet. Pretty much everyone’s still out there. But hey, as Roswell’s resident guitar-stealing weirdo, I totally get it if that’s more your idea of a good time.”

Alex laughs an actual laugh, and Michael has to glance down to make sure he’s just being a sappy dork and hasn’t actually floated off the floor. Then Alex gets serious again and shakes his head.

“Going out and dancing by myself would just encourage them. ‘Get a load of Manes, he’s a loser and a—”

“Who says you’d be alone?” Michael’s voice comes out embarrassingly high-pitched, and he jams a knuckle against his lips. Alex glances at him, one eyebrow cocked, sharp dark eyes flicking left to right like Michael is a puzzle he’s been trying to solve for days.

Maybe even longer.

Outside their little sanctuary and a hallway over, a locker door crashes and the voices from before whoop loudly. The two boys flinch together, and without thinking Michael grabs Alex’s elbow and tugs him slightly behind him, putting himself between Alex and the door. They stay like that for a long moment, as the bangs and shouts move away and go silent. Michael’s head is tilted so he can still look Alex in the eye. Alex’s pupils are dilated in the dim light, but the effect is the same as if—Michael feels a little devoured, just then, a little eaten up. He’s never felt like this before. He wants to bury himself in Alex’s chest and trust Alex to hold him tight. Those long, dark eyelashes flutter every time Alex blinks, and Michael wants to feel them against his cheeks.

Alone again, the outside world feels so far away. Michael turns fully and rocks up onto his toes to bring their mouths closer together, just because he can. “Whaddya say, Manes?” he asks, jerking his thumb in the direction of the faint, faint music.

Alex draws himself up so tall and close it makes Michael’s heart beat faster. His heart falls again, though, when Alex shakes his head.

Then Alex says, “Nah. Not here. If you really want to, you can take me out some other time, where we don’t have to put up with those assholes. Deal?”

He skims his fingertips over the back of Michael’s hand. It restarts Michael’s heart in double-time, makes goosebumps erupt all down that arm. His curls bounce up and down as he nods his head. It’s scary—god, how is he going to come up with something for them to do?—but also Michael can’t stop smiling.

“Maybe I kind of wanted to dance with you, though,” he says.

Alex chuffs a little laugh. “Then maybe I’ll just have to go to dances more often.”

“We-eelllll…” Michael can’t help the spread of his grin, even though all the smiling makes his cheeks hurt. “When you do, maybe you’ll save a spot on your schedule for me?” He knocks his scuffed-up shoe against Alex’s. He’s so warm in this little space they’ve made together. He always picks his hiding places because they feel safe, but he had no idea he could feel like this.

“Yeah.” Alex swallows twice, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I will. I’ll save a spot for you right at the end.”

“The end? That gonna give us enough time?”

“Last song’s as long as you want it to be. Sometimes it even keeps going once you get home.”

Just like that, Michael’s uncomfortable problem is back. His heels hit the floor again flat, and he splutters all undignified as the closet lights up white with Alex’s feral grin.

“I think they’re gone. Shall we?” Alex says while Michael tries to collect himself.

“U-uh, yeah. After you.”

They climb out of the closet into the now-deserted hallway. Alex reaches out and steadies Michael when he stumbles over the lip of the doorframe, but the weight and sensation of his hands just makes Michael feel like Jell-O. At the intersection of the hallway—one side leading back to the dance, one side leading outdoors—Alex stops, grabbing Michael’s wrist to jerk him to a halt too.

“Alex?”

He doesn’t get a response, just intense, calculating eyes boring into him, staring him down. It’s been Michael’s greatest lifelong fear, being dissected, but he lets it happen now. Alex’s eyes pin him down spread-eagle on a steel table, but standing so close to him, leashed by that hand around his wrist, he only feels drifting and docile like a beehive smoked out. He wants to ask what’s wrong but can’t make his brain connect to his mouth to make words.

Slowly, oh-so slowly, Alex reaches out and, with just two fingers, smooths that loose curl back behind Michael’s ear. Michael’s mouth pops open on a breathy little sound as Alex follows that path again, stoking his forehead, combing through his hair. Then Alex nods, just once, like he’s come to some decision. Michael doesn’t know what it might be, but it’s okay, he’s cool with Alex calling the shots from now on as long as they can stay close like this.

“I’m going to the bathroom to freshen up a bit,” Alex says. “Meet me outside by the trellis? We can get food or something before everywhere closes.”

“Y-yeah, sounds good. I’m here with Isobel, but I’ll—I’ll let her or Max know.”

Alex gives him a little smile before he walks away. Michael sways in his direction just a little bit before he collects himself and goes the other way.

Standing under the latticework and the fairy lights, Michael closes his eyes and lets the night feel magical. He lets the whole, vast night wrap around him like the scent of Alex’s cologne pressed up against him in a tiny janitor’s closet. His mind whirls and crashes but for once the noise just sounds like singing.

What if Alex kisses him? Michael’s lower lip tingles, and he bites at it to make it stop. He’s not some blushing virgin; just because Alex is tall and his dark eyeliner makes his eyes look even darker, doesn’t mean Michael should be acting like a princess.

Alex has never had a boyfriend, at least not that Michael knows about. Maybe Alex is a virgin. Maybe Michael could be his first—

The thought makes Michael’s heart skip a beat, and he almost slaps himself before remembering that he is, technically, in public. You’re getting way ahead of yourself, he thinks. Who says Alex wants to be anything more than friends? Maybe Alex doesn’t even want him just because he’s offering. Besides, Michael’s never been with a guy either, so maybe he’d be crap at it…

Great, now he’s just depressed.

“Dude, are you okay? You just went on one hell of a face journey.”

Michael startles bad for the second time tonight, but this time when he whirls around it’s just Max.

“Dude, you know not to sneak up on me.” He smacks Max lightly on the shoulder, and Max rolls with it, nodding.

“You’re right, I know. Seriously, though, you okay? Where have you been all night?”

“Spent most of it with Is, why?”

“Well, she was alone a little while ago when she drove off.”

“She left?”

“Yeah. Said she wasn’t feeling it or something.”

“She was fine when I left her. Hell, she was the one who told me to go.”

They face each other under the fairy lights. Max won’t stop staring. Michael’s skin feels too small for his body.

Finally, Max says, “I’m sure she’s fine. There are a hundred Isobel reasons why she’d want to leave early.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right,” Michael replies, weak with relief. “How’re you going to get home? I’ve,” he runs his hand through the curls at the back of his neck, “made plans, but, uh, what about you?”

“I’ll figure something out.” Max’s voice trails off, his attention already wandering. “I don’t want to leave until Liz does, in case…”

Michael lets out a little bubble of laughter. Shine on you crazy diamond.

“Why don’t you go find her? I’m sure Valenti will stop pissing on her leg long enough for you to get in one dance. Also I’m meeting someone here, so like, would kind of love to not have my dork-ass brother hanging around.”

Max scoffs and shoves at Michael’s head. “Shut up. I’m the cool brother and you know that.”

“Uh huh, says who? Tolstoy? Dostoyevsky?”

“Sholokhov, plebian.”

“Ugh, you disgust me.”

Max laughs again. Then he glances up at the building, brow furrowed. Michael follows his line of sight, heart leaping when he sees Alex hurrying down the stairs, then plummeting into his stomach as Valenti and the rest of the starting line spill out in pursuit.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The night ends sudden after that. The football players disperse, and Max does too, either home or wherever Liz Ortecho went, Michael doesn’t really care. There’s a cold little grain of disappointment in his chest, but the skin of his shoulder still burns where Alex squeezed him as he left.

Michael trails his path out to the parking lot, in no particular hurry, now, for the night to end. Alex is long gone. Michael hopes Liz managed to give him some comfort before he drove away, left angry to a house that hates him, and—

He decides then and there that he’s going to the toolshed that night. He hadn’t been sure if he would before, not sure how taking Alex’s charity would affect things between them. But all he care about now is being there, being close enough that maybe it brings Alex a little peace, as if he can feel him, even if he doesn’t know he’s there.

Something rustles under his foot as he steps off the sidewalk, and he moves his foot aside to reveal a champagne-colored rose, delicate and tightly-furled. The same one that had been threaded through Alex’s buttonhole when they stood so close their chests nearly brushed.

Michael cups it in his hands like it might fly away. That night, he fills one of his cupholders full of water and floats it there for want of a vase.

And there it stays.

[samwpmarleau]

29 elia and arthur

Going away to war AU

“Must you leave?” His arm is tight around her, his body warm, yet still her chill remains. It’s been the same for months now as the precious days have dwindled one after the other; she can’t stop the cold, every bit of her on edge. “Can’t you stay?”

“You know I don’t have a choice.” He doesn’t look at her. “You knew that when we…”

He trails off, reluctant as ever to give a name to whatever this is. So is she, truth be told. Affair sounds so crass, old men soliciting prostitutes and paying for a fleabag motel room in cash. Yet fling is too flippant and relationship isn’t quite it either, not with her husband still in the picture. Which he very much is, even if he’s the last thing she’s ever wanted.

Except what else can she do? Divorce would make her a pariah in this place—assuming he even allowed it—she has no money or property of her own, and with her recurring health problems the way that they are, making an honest living by herself would be a monstrous hurdle. She hasn’t borne him any children yet, thank heaven, or else she’d surely lose them, too.

Her only saving grace is that he trusts her, would never guess she’d be anything but prim and proper. He believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that her days are all spent volunteering at the hospital; they are, but with the abundance of fellow nurses, her hours have been fewer. With the extra time, she…well.

She’d tried, really she had. Arthur was just another casualty of the Germans in the beginning, another nameless wounded soldier whose doctors projected he’d never fully recover. All she’d been to him was a nurse, nothing more. Then he had gotten better, his ashen skin had returned to brown, his smile had made her feel like a silly schoolgirl. When he’d begun to walk again on his own, it’d only been two or three steps, hardly a blip on the doctors’ radar, but in their joint excitement, he’d kissed her full on the mouth. It was like taking the first breath of air after nearly drowning, and from that moment on, giving him up was simply not an option.

“You’ve already been injured once,” she pleads, thinking all too clearly of the night they’d brought him in. “How can they just send you right back out again?”

“I belong to them,” he says bitterly. “They need men at the front. So long as I can command a company and kill a man from five hundred yards, they’ll put me wherever they damn well please.”

“We only have a day.” Less than that. Dusk would soon be upon them, and shortly after sunrise he would board a train to be shipped off overseas. She wouldn’t see him again for who even knows how long. Maybe never. “I can’t just go on pretending everything’s fine. I can’t just pretend it doesn’t matter to me that you could be killed at any moment.”

“Yes, you can. You can do anything, Elia.”

“Arthur—”

“I’ll come back. How could I not?” He kisses her, so deeply her chill almost disappears entirely, and when he breaks it there’s a wild sort of determination in his dark eyes she hasn’t seen before. “When I do, I don’t care what it takes, I’m going to marry you. I want you. I love you.”

He’s said it more times than she can count, but the words never fail to make her stomach flip. “And I you. Always.”

“Good,” he says. “Because I have something for you.”

He draws away in order to rummage through his jacket that was carelessly discarded earlier, and when he rejoins her, he has a ring held between his fingers. It’s everything her extravagant wedding set isn’t, just a simple band of gold plate, but she can’t think of anything more lovely. He slides it onto her right hand, unremarkable to anyone but them.

“I don’t have one for you,” she says, brushing her thumb over the spot where one might rest.

“I have you, that’s enough.”

She glances at the clock on the wall and smiles. “You haven’t had me in a whole hour.” She runs her hand up his thigh, his muscles there marred only by the thick, jagged scar marking the wound that had nearly taken his leg. “I should change that.”

Change it she does, and as she loses herself in joy, she maps every inch of him, cementing him to memory. She doesn’t know how long this war would last, no one does, and she never wants to lose his image, the feel of him inside her.

She accompanies him to the station too, even though there could be people there who know her husband, who could betray this secret. But she doesn’t care anymore, she just doesn’t care. She kisses him in front of them all, halfway between wanting to lead him into the coatroom to have him once more and wanting to convince him to run away with her. Away from the army, away from Rhaegar, away from all of this.

But then the train whistle blows, and time is no longer theirs to have.

[thiscaringlark]

satellites (3/?)

The moments leading up to now.

Part 1 // Part 2 // AO3

When he pulls her in for a hug, it’s the safest feeling in the world.

She just wants to stay in this moment wrapped in his warmth and wait for the dark clouds around her to dissipate.

Her family is crumbling right in front of her and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

Her sister has decided to put herself and her unborn child in the hands of the one family in town that possibly wishes her harm and who still remain suspects in the death of their son. Her parents are fighting and now her father’s betrayal has gotten him kicked out of the house. The story of her mother throwing a brick through the newspaper office window has been the hottest piece of gossip in the town for the past week and she hears the whispers whenever she goes out in public.

No matter what she does, no matter how hard she works to fix all of these messes, they just seem to keep piling up, one on top of the other. She’s always had a need for control and order and now the very foundation that her life is built upon has been shaken to the core.

Her palms burn, but fighting the urge she instead curls her fingers into fists, covering up the faint half-moon scars.

Jughead can feel her tensing up again so he rubs a hand gently across her back.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he says in a low, soothing voice. “We’ll figure this out. I promise.”

She allows herself to believe him, even if it’s only for a moment, before finally pulling away to wipe away the tears before the mascara runs down her cheeks.

He insists on handling the rest of the day’s investigating duties on his own and walks her home with promises to call if he makes any important discoveries.

Her mother is out, likely grocery shopping since her stress-baking tendencies have cleaned out their kitchen, so she immediately heads upstairs to change into pajamas before curling up on the couch in front of the TV with a big bowl of ice cream.

He calls when she’s in the middle of The Princess Bride to check in. He’s been studying old property records and so far the dull work hasn’t turned up anything useful but he texts her a picture he’s found of a youthful, long-haired Fred Andrews and it’s the first time she’s laughed that day.

Her mom’s car pulls in the driveway but before she hangs up to help bring in the groceries there’s one thing she wants to say.

“Jug?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For being there and... for everything. I really don’t know what I would do without you. It just-it really means a lot. Even with everything going on I feel lucky. To have you.”

There’s a moment of silence on his end of the line. Based on what she knows, she can’t imagine many people have ever said anything of the sort to him and the thought breaks her heart. 

He deserves so much more than he’s been given.

At last, she hears him swallow before speaking, his voice quiet and sincere. “I’ll always be here for you, Betty.”

It’s sometime after two in the morning when he finally makes it back to the house. Though it’s quiet as he enters, the evidence of the party is strewn across every possible surface of the living and dining rooms just begging Mr. Andrews to walk in the door and ground Archie until he’s twenty-one. He cleans up some of the trash and empties a few cups of half-drunk beer before realizing that to make even a small dent in the mess will require more energy than he can possibly muster at the moment.

Instead of heading upstairs and risking waking a hungover Archie, he collapses on the couch and tries to find a comfortable position to get a few hours of rest. His head is pounding even though he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol; the stinging cut on his face and ache in his hand don’t help matters. Betty had found some aspirin in her purse which had eased the pain somewhat, but when he thinks about some of the things he’s said and done that night his head throbs all over again.

The memory of his speech to Betty early that evening particularly stung in light of what she’d just revealed to him.

He’d always felt like an outsider, knowing some of it was due to his own making, but the walls he’d built to protect himself also caused him to sometimes fail at recognizing a fellow soul. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that everyone else at school had ideal lives with perfect families. Everyone had their own troubles, both internal and external. Maybe it was just that he had a hard time identifying with his classmates on a personal level as a result of differing interests and past-times that he didn’t get to know them well enough to find out who they really were.

For one thing, he hated these drunken revelries that seemed to be how everyone his age spent their Friday nights. He wasn’t against alcohol, but due to what he’d dealt with in his own family, the idea of getting wasted for fun lacked any appeal. He’d rather spent his free time watching an old film or going for a nighttime drive up to the mountains with his dad’s old telescope.

At these parties, he just saw a bunch of kids trying to be rebellious but only conforming to typical teenage stereotypes. 

But this night hadn’t been Betty’s fault. She hadn’t meant for it to turn out this way. She’d just wanted to do something nice for his birthday with some of their, or really her, close friends. 

When she’d shown him the cuts on her palms, he realized what an asshole he’d been for not realizing sooner.

While Betty’s been dealing with family drama, she’s also been living with her own demons and if he hadn’t been so dense and caught up in his own problems he might’ve seen it earlier.

The truth was that sometimes he was just so in awe of her and the fact that she wanted to be with him that it blinded him from seeing things from her perspective.

He wished he’d had the right words to say, but instead he’d kissed her scars and listened as she told him about her struggles with anger and anxiety. She’d gone to a therapist when she’d first started high school and thought it had helped, but the stress she was currently under had brought back old habits and worries.

He doubted many people outside her family knew, after all she was Betty Cooper: straight-A honor roll student, Riven Vixen, editor-in-chief, with a sunshine disposition and a smile for everybody she encountered. Who would ever suspect?

There had been a shift in their relationship tonight, a deeper level of understanding that went far beyond what he’d ever expected to feel for another person. 

If he had any lingering worries that these feelings may not be returned to the same degree, those were wiped away as she’d rested her head on his shoulder and spilled out her deepest, darkest secrets.

He shifted on the couch and pulled back the blinds to see the moon shining between the trees.

There were battles still to be fought, hurdles yet to overcome, but having one sure thing, one certainty to hold onto, made the world seem altogether less frightening.  

[olicitysizzles-blog]

CBR: Obviously, “Arrow’s” writers didn’t simply want to recycle what had been done with Ra’s al Ghul or Nyssa. How is Talia different than her father and half-sister?

Lexa Doig: It’s hard to say. This is my interpretation of it: Talia left the League of Assassins and forged her own way in the world, and her way is more in the real world as opposed to influencing events from the periphery. She may have a more direct hand, yet she’s very Talia al Ghul in that mentality of, “Why do it myself when I can get someone else to do it for me?” She is still someone who is a bit of a chess master. That would be my interpretation. All of my stuff has been with Stephen Amell, and it’s all been the flashback training. There hasn’t really been a reference for me of how she operates outside of that context.

In Talia’s first appearance, she disposed of Oliver’s assailants and rescued him. What did you enjoy about what that said about Talia?

The funny thing that I enjoyed about that introduction, from a completely technical perspective, is that it was one shot. That was the only thing I did the entire episode, but what a cool entrance. What it said was how badass the character is, taking out all those guys without batting an eyelash, and just stepping in with this mysterious, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you.”

Genre fans know you from “Jason X,” “Andromeda,” “Stargate SG-1,” and “Continuum.” What’s it been like joining the DC Universe?

It’s been so much fun. My ultimate goal – and I really want this, so I am putting it out in the universe – is I want Talia to have a Funko Pop! character. In my mind, I will have arrived if I can bring home a Funko Pop! character, a little figurine, and show it to my kids and say, “See. Mommy is cool.”

What did you make of Talia’s costume? Did it help you get into character?

What I love about the costume is how badass it makes me look. What made me laugh about the costume is the logistics of being in a superhero costume. They don’t tell you the quirks. For example, the quiver that goes in the back is often like a cone that your cat wears when he comes home from the vet. You’re not aware of it, you go to walk through a doorway, you slam your quiver into the side and you get stuck. Or the hood, when it’s up. My hood has to have a certain thickness. It’s made out of leather, so it stands up and looks nice, but then you have no peripheral vision and you can’t hear anything.

Then, there are these amazing side harnesses they have for me and they squeak a bit when I walk. The thing that I found funny about my very first day on set was walking around and looking so incredibly badass, but sounding like [makes squeaking noises]. As I walk, I’m bumping into things. I can’t hear what anybody says. I can’t see anything. It was just funny. Those are the hilarious things you discover about playing a badass, and how awkward it is. I have such respect for everyone on the show who has to wear these incredible costumes and stand there, looking badass and fighting and doing all the cool stuff. You have to overcome this hurdle of [squeaking sounds] and catching your cape on the back of your quiver.

When she arrives, Oliver was a lost soul. What does Talia see in him?

I think she saw potential. Oliver is somebody who is savage. He’s incredibly adept at what he wants to accomplish, but is a little directionless. He is on the side of good in those circumstances. It’s a bit murky and gray in the question of how he’s going to accomplish his goals, though. I don’t think that moral gray area is a difficult place for Talia to inhabit. She’s quite comfortable living there herself. What she saw in Oliver is the fact that he’s an incredible killer, and he’s doing it for the right reasons. She’s trying to point him in the right direction of what he really wants to accomplish.

Do you consider Talia a hero, wanting to make the city a better place out of the goodness of her heart? Does Oliver serve her agenda?

He sort of serves her agenda. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons when I was younger, and Talia strikes me as someone who is neutral in that it’s a balance, but maybe adding into that a little bit on the chaotic evil side. She has things she wants to accomplish, and she’s going to accomplish them by any means necessary. If it turns out to have positive ramifications and be a good thing, then “Yay” for everybody. If it doesn’t, it sucks to be anybody but her.

She’s described as “an elite warrior.” Where do you feel she ranks among the other League of Assassin members and Oliver?

Right up there. After a certain point, when you’re that good, it’s a matter of substance. Anybody can accomplish the things they need to accomplish. It’s just a matter of how they go about doing it. When you compare all the various superheroes and supervillains – and you have these wonderful theoretical discussions of who would win between Nyssa and Talia – it largely ends up being a draw. Or, when you get two really good hockey teams playing against each other, sometimes it just goes your way, and sometimes it doesn’t. I think they’re all elite.

Audiences have only gotten a taste of what Talia is capable of. Are we going to see more of her fighting prowess?

A little bit. I had a really great stunt double. I didn’t do a ton of it. You do see a little bit of it, but not a ton. The storyline really isn’t about how badass she is. It’s more about Talia helping Oliver find himself and find the Hood. Again, what seperates Talia from Nyssa and Ra’s is her ability to operate in the real world, the not-so-secret world. As accomplished as she is as a fighter, some of Talia’s strengths may lie in her intellect and her ability to read or manipulate a situation and play the long game. She’s someone who knows things and has the patience to play the long game.

So far, the series has only scratched the surface between Talia and Oliver. What can you tease about how that relationship unfolds?

She does what she set out to do. She very rarely doesn’t succeed at what she wants to accomplish. At this point, what she wants to accomplish is to help Oliver make peace with the savage side of himself and find a way to partition that into a place where he feels very comfortable with his alter-ego, whether the alter-ego is Arrow or Oliver Queen. That’s for him to decide, but it’s for whatever part of him that needs to exist in the real, above-ground, legit world versus the one that exists in the shadows. I do believe she actually accomplishes her goals.

Will viewers eventually get to see Talia in present day?

I don’t know. I will plead the fifth. I will say that Oliver seems to think that some of her interactions from the past may leave echoes in the present day. I can’t tell you whether it’s correct or not, but he does have that theory.

Fans have speculated that Talia shares ties with Prometheus. Have you come across those presumptions? What are your thoughts on that possibility?

I have no idea who Prometheus is. I only ever work with Stephen because of the nature of the flashbacks. It’s funny, because even on the call sheets, when you are shooting scenes that have Prometheus in them, he’s not technically listed on the call sheet. The character is listed, but no performer or actor is listed as Prometheus. Even I, who works on the show, have no idea who Prometheus is. So, if Talia has connections to Prometheus, I don’t know about it.

Katrina Law has told me she would love for Nyssa and Talia to square off. How would you like to see their dynamic play out?

I would love that. Here’s my problem. My instinct is to always go for funny and comedy. It doesn’t always play well in the comic book world, because everything is always very high stakes, which is also fun. I think it would be hilarious if the two of them didn’t get along, but in a very modern-day, sibling kind of way. Maybe they butt heads, but it’s over somebody taking too much time in the bathroom. That would be hilarious, although the fight scene would look pretty badass. It would be a killer fight sequence. I’m also a family sap at heart, so I’d also love to see Talia and Nyssa fighting on the same side – and arguing with each other at the same time.

[datingadviceonreddit]

I’ve known Marie since around 2010, when she dated my college friend. Always felt like there was an attraction there, but obviously not something I’d act on. I have seen this friend 3 or 4 times total since then. But starting the last year or two, I started seeing Marie around town more. I went to her house once to hang and the very next morning, her ex, who I have not heard from in over a year, weirdly messages me and asks about me hanging out with her. They end up dating again for a while. Anyway, I was playing music at a bar at the end of December and she walks in. We agree to hang out on New Year’s Eve. We do, and things go like you’d expect on a night of drinking, however I’d expressed my hesitation due to my friend/her ex. We still have a good night but she says “if we fuck you cant tell him.”And so we go forward this way, with her saying “I’m not looking for anything serious.” But we start hanging out essentially every day, having sex constantly and behaving as bf and gf. I initially maintain my hesitance towards a labeled and serious relationship. And she does too, but she asks me on a vacation around a month into it. I decline, citing work reasons, which was half legit. But we continue to get closer. Eventually, and I’ll admit it, I started to sense her pulling away just a tad. I realized that I needed to make my feelings clear and that she deserved this from me. She should know that I care for her, am not seeing anyone else, and am into this. I could have done so before but I didn’t. So I did. She says she still doesn’t want a relationship, but I’m bf material and we are trending that way. I agree to go forward this way and don’t push the relationship angle because of a couple reasons which I’ll go into. And furthermore, she says she isn’t seeing anyone else and would tell me if she was (spoiler, this becomes a key issue...). things are great for a bit.So, a bit more about Marie. She is bipolar and depressed and it was and is my feeling that this factored heavily into her behavior. We drank more than I’ve ever drank before and when she mixed alcohol with Prozac, she was extremely unpredictable. She’d tell me she loved me and things like that and generally keep me up all night doing weird stuff sometimes, like trying to lick me. I routinely stayed up til 4 in the morning on work nights with her. Or I’d wake up in the middle of the night and she’d be gone. These things though, I could deal with as it was largely my fault. And Because we had fun together and having that affection was just so great. We loved the same shows and bands and even video games. And she’s smart and beautiful and funny and really, I felt more happy in the good times with her than I have with anyone in years. I started to think of her as a girlfriend, even though I knew I had the hurdle of telling my old friend (who it turned out, had been a heroin addict and had broken into her house).But then she was at the bar one night and asked me to come pick her up. She was blackout and when I got her home, she took her clothes off and got mad when I wouldn’t fuck her. she started saying I was “so shitty” and to go fuck myself and was mad that I wouldn’t let her go back to the bar. Then she accused me of taking her somewhere against her will when she realized she didn’t have her car, which was scary. the following day, my friend told me that before I’d gotten there, she tried to take one of our mutual friends home. So I told her about it, very much considering that I’d break it off depending on her response. She started bawling, saying she can’t believe she said those things, that I’ve never once been shitty to her and that she resents herself for ruining relationships before they start. She also said that she was sorry about the guy and that she doesn’t even like him, but alcohol and Prozac turns her into a demon. So I kept going tentatively, but before long I was right back in it. But she was oddly withdrawn at times, at a time when I felt like I was trying. Two weeks later, it happened again but worse. This time, she bit me until I bled, tried to take my belt off and when I said no, pushed me. She said my hat was stupid and tried to kick it off of my head and in doing so, kicked me extremely hard in the jaw. She was telling me to give her bruises. When I refused, she said “then you aren’t worth it.” And I found out that she had been seeing a girl behind my back. When I got her in the car that night, she declined six calls from a name I didn’t recognize. I asked her about it, naturally, and she wouldn’t say anything. Obviously I was curious. So we go inside and when all that shit was happening, she left her phone sitting there open and it was her saying “I want to fuck you” to this girl. I could have gone through her phone, but I only scrolled up that message just enough to confirm that this was an ongoing dynamic and not a random drunk text to an ex or something. And suddenly all those times she went to see “friends” in the city made sense. So I broke up with her because even though we weren’t calling each other bf and gf, we had an agreement and this had been over three months of dating. Plus...she had assaulted me essentially. To make things worse, when I tried to ask her about it, she said she wouldn’t meet up or talk on the phone and she made me do it by text because although she “shouldn’t be immune from consequences,” she “didn’t feel like hearing an account of what she did while blackout drunk” right after she got off work. She said it’s for the best and that she never deserved my help, she’s poisoned on the inside, etc.A week later, we hung out for my birthday (she bartends at the place I frequent and so we just randomly see each other). Since then, two and a half months ago, we have had a very on and off dynamic where we’ll spend a whole weekend together just like old times and then we’ll barely speak for a few days. And this is hard for me because I really have feelings for her and I miss her when she’s gone. It’s very stressful.But it’s been that long! And like the other day, she came into the bar with a group of people, including a guy who was clearly interested in her. And her and I started talking and I said “hey, just so I know, are you and that guy a thing? I’m not mad but I can’t be here for that.” And she said no. And her and I went home that night, though we were hiding it from that guy for some reason. We sometimes talk about things but I don’t think she remembers it because of drinking. She said to me that night that it bothers her that I seem to like her more when someone else shows interest and I was very very taken aback, because it isn’t true. I think of her all the time and hope she’ll text me. I go home with her and bring her coffee at work the next day. But given that while we still had that agreement, she tried to go home with that mutual friend multiple times and another time post breakup, I took her to the bar after spending the night together and she got blackout and tried to take another friend home in front of me and it just made me feel...idk. You get it. But because she said that and she says I used to not text her back fast enough or was hesitant to move fast at first, it makes me feel like I should try harder to see her or like it’s my own fault on some level that she started withdrawing. So recently I’ve gone out of my way to invite her to things, text her, etc. but the last few times she hasn’t even replied. So I can’t read her and I don’t know how to act at all. Sometimes she asks me to hold her. Then something will happen like where I compliment her on her new glasses, saying how nice they look, and she’ll drunkenly say that she doesn’t want to wear them now.Am I fucking stupid? It’s hard to explain how this keeps happening. But I miss her and in the moment, I decide that I want to see her again, and I never say no. I still find myself thinking she is not a bad person and I yearn for what it was like when she was actually open with me. But I’m always caught between that and being mad about what she did. So I just find myself existing in a weird pseudo relationship and now I think that comes off to her like I don’t actually care for her...when really I’m over here thinking that she doesn’t give a shit about me. via /r/dating_advice

[ourpieceoutoftime-blog]

The Assassin

Stats

Name: Rachel

Species: Time Lord

Time Lord Title: The Assassin

Life: 3rd

D.O.B: Unknown

Age Range: Unknown

Gender: Non-Binary

Sex: Male

Pronouns: He/Him/His They/Them/Their’s

Hair: Dark Red

Eyes: Blue-Green

Height: 1.83 m (5.12")

Father: Unknown Rassilon

Mother: Unknown

Siblings: None (verse dependant)

Children: None (verse dependant)

Occupation: Assassin (freelance)

Orientation: Homosexual

Relationship Status: Single (verse dependant)

Faceclaim: Cameron Monaghan

Links

Open Starters

Tags

Headcanons

Ships

Verses

The Assassin’s Rockit (Tardis) (Coming Soon!)

Other Lives

Personality

Partly through conscious effort and partly from his most recent regeneration, the Assassin functions very differently now than his 2 previous lives. He’s cunning and calm. He’s strategic and thoughtful. What he does he’s thought through; he’s planned. Even the times he hasn’t planned it all out in his mind prior, the ending will fall the way he wants. He’ll make it so. Everything he does has a meaning behind it, has a reason that benefits himself somehow. Whether that reason is known or “broadcasted” to others, well, that’s a rarity in of itself.

He works through word from his brain, not his heart or his feelings, which are pretty closed off. He enjoys killing, yes, but it’s another rarity to see him standing over a body with a smile on his face. Or rather, on his lips. In fact, seeing him standing over a body he’s just killed is something no one sees now. If it can’t be done in the shadows; behind the scenes of the grand stage, then he doesn’t do it. His emotions shine through his eyes, the rest of his face staying calm, blank, and or with a small, sly smirk as if to say “I’m in charge”.

He tricks people though. He’s a smiling, innocent young man. He’s a threatening boss with daggers in his eyes. He’s a lost but very strong and independent person, simply wanting to enjoy someone for a night and then leave on his way out of town.

Of course, his methods of killing and torture have changed; he does not work in secret to avoid watchful eyes, but rather, because he likes it there. He likes being in the unknown; he likes being the unknown.

About

A.N: Rachel is the unknown bastard of Rassilon. He always knew that he was his child but whether he or even the High Council knew is unknown as it was never spoken of. No one else besides Rachel and his mum know of it.

It seemed to be a common occurrence now that a regeneration gave the Time Lord a realization. Now on their third life, after circumstances with the Silence that led to their second regeneration, he started to feel weak. He had been weak. The freedom of finally being rid of the High Council’s eyes had gotten the better of him. He’d never truly be free until they were dead by his hands, he knew that now.

He left Trenzalore, but only after hearing once more of the Doctor down below on the planet. The Doctor was dying, but Gallifrey relied on the speaking of his name as a code that it was safe to come back home. The Doctor was out of regenerations. Of course, logic would say that Gallifrey would then never come back then, but the Time Lords rarely used common sense when it came to their favourite. They’d simply given him more lives.

What happened next after, the Assassin was not around to see. Gallifrey would come back; the High Council and Rassilon would come back, he knew that. It was only a matter of Time. Although the thought made his stomach turn, he’d allowed himself to be controlled by his brain, not his hearts or his gut. He never really stopped doing that; something he’d only notice years later just to realize that he didn’t care. It was also around that time that he’d finally notice the switch from using his birth name to his chosen name. It made sense now, of course.

As he left, flying away as normal now in his Rockit, he took a step back. Floating aimlessly in space, the Assassin retreated to his study; a new room that came along with his new body. Rockit seemed to be working perfectly in relation to his regeneration. In fact, the A.I’s voice had even changed, although so had the Assassin’s voice. His body now had the male sex, which was very new but also felt very right with his new mind.

In his study, he planned. He went through what had happened, and what was going to happen. And then, what he was going to do about it.

Gallifrey’s return was almost guaranteed, if not completely so, knowing of the Doctor. When about they’d come back was another question. Certainly, they’d try to go home, if possible, and so a surveillance of the Kasterborous constellation, as well as the area around Trenzalore, would be needed. How he’d do that was another thing in of itself.

At first, he asked himself the question of how he would keep surveillance of these areas? They were large amounts of space that he’d want to keep tabs on; want to know whenever something happened there. It wasn’t as if he could land his Rockit in both spots at the same time and stay there until something happened…. Actually, he could, but he didn’t want to, nor would it be the best way to keep track of each large space; he could only see so far by his own eyes and Rockit’s scanners, after all. It also wasn’t the best use of his Time. There was no way to know exactly when and where Gallifrey would return, but whenever it was, he needed to be ready.

Once again, the High Council and Rassilon were on his hitlist, except they weren’t the first anymore. No, the order had changed. Although consciously and unconsciously trying and focusing on listening to his mind over his hearts or gut/feelings, some things trumped logic. The Doctor hadn’t done anything to him specifically, but yet, Gallifrey loved him and not the Assassin. He didn’t want their love, but seeing their favourite renegade, hearing about him, thinking about him…. It made the younger Time Lord jealous. And, jealousy, although a very hearts-driven emotion, was a good reason as any to kill someone. Who would Gallifrey love then, with their Doctor gone and for good? With Rassilon and then the High Council soon to follow? The Assassin himself didn’t want to lead, nor did he want their love, but he wanted to give them their due freedom; he wanted his freedom.

In the mist of his planning, he created a device. Barely larger than his closed-fist, and almost undetectable, looking similar to that of an ordinary piece of rock (although much heavier), the small device would scan the Kasterborous constellation while a second would scan the area around Trenzlore for him. If a fly sneezed on the planet, Rockit would be told. Through a new program he then created and installed on the Tardis, information from the two devices would be sorted, and so, when a fly sneezed, it’d be recorded, in case it could be useful information to know later, but then put aside. The scanners would be able to see much further than himself and would act as if he were there. Through the technology, they’d also be able to see across the areas in space simultaneously, whereas looking himself, what he’d see could be years behind where he was in Time due to the speed of light and the distance. This wouldn’t be a problem with the scanners. The program would tell him if anything remotely important or simply “big” in the terms of history ever happened. As well as, he’d be able to go into the recorded data and check himself, making alterations with the program’s alert as and when needed.

Decades were spent in his study, in the control room, on various computers or in notebooks, in new training rooms also created upon his regeneration. He kept himself fit; mind, body, and soul. He kept up his planning and waited when needed. But, training rooms and notebooks and libraries could only give him so much. He wanted to learn, a passion for it similar to in his very first life, but he didn’t enjoy books as he had back then. And so now, more field tests occurred; he’d go out more, between the books. He’d do his research and tests with his hands and eyes, as opposed to solely his mind. Of course, this took slightly longer, but helped him go through all of the failures quicker, allowing him to learn from them, and adjust for the next time.

He hadn’t picked the name ‘The Assassin’ for absolutely no reason at all. Through his training, he killed. The methods he used, the lives he took, when and where, all assisted in helping the Time Lord discover his new self as if unlocking the doors he hadn’t realized were closed or even in his mind in the first place. He’d kill and plot. He’d read and kill. He’d eat and kill, kill then sleep, write and then kill, and so forth.

The scanners were put into place, one just outside the Kasterborous constellation to cover it in its entirety, and one just outside of the atmosphere of Trenzalore, placed there only moments after he left all those years ago after his regeneration. Getting his hands on Rassilon and the High Council would have to wait, as even after the planet returned, the Assassin had something else to do first.

Killing the Doctor would take much more than waiting for his return. He had a new set of 13 lives now, on top of his already 13 previously used ones. In the Assassin’s mind, he’d used them thoughtlessly, and didn’t deserve more. But, Gallifrey had to return, and the Doctor was needed to do that. Finding the other Time Lord was going to be another hurdle to jump over.

The Doctor had been exploring Time and space for longer than the Assassin had. Although it was obvious that he favoured Earth, and the UK country there, he’s pop-ups were becoming harder and harder to find. Previous sightings the Assassin had heard of, before Gallifrey’s disappearance, were events he could no longer find, without the right digging. It was as if the Doctor had been wiped from history. But still, some things could be found, if you knew how and where to look.

To Earth, the Assassin went. It took a century or two of landing in random spots, waiting it out, enjoying the local….cuisine there, but the Doctor was spotted! From a distance, it was hard to tell whether the other was old enough or not. In an effort to avoid a paradox, the Doctor had to be older than when he’d made his way to Trenzalore. Of course, that would mean he would have had to leave Trenzalore, which meant Gallifrey was most likely back. The scanners hadn’t picked up on the arrival yet, and so, it was safe to say that the Doctor in his eyesight was not yet old enough to kill. Still, the Assassin killed, as was his nature. Just others, not the Doctor.

If he got to close to a young version of the Doctor, a familiar woman would catch his eye instead. She seemed to be just about everywhere the Doctor was, but not with him. She didn’t seem like one of his various ‘companions’, as he called them, nor did each ‘version’ of her seem to be connected. The chances of her face simply being “similar”, or her various incarnations not actually being connected was too low. In fact, the more the Assassin saw her, the less likely either scenario became.

However annoying as her presence became; he wasn’t going to kill the young Doctor, he wasn’t stupid, the more obvious a better strategy became to him. It hadn’t taken long, in fact, maybe seeing her 5 different times or so, just to make sure. The Doctor was hard to find now, but she wasn’t. And so, the Assassin started tracking her through Time and space. Unlike his previous thinking, she was also found on other planets and places besides Earth, and, each time she was there, if he got the timing right, waiting it out sometimes, the Doctor would be there too.

The name ‘Clara’ was used towards her various versions quite a bit, and so that was what he called her. He kept his distance, of course, never meeting or interacting with her face to face, but kept his eyes on her. Sometimes he’d interfere slightly, killing someone she cared for, his evil eyes lurking in the distant dark shadows, watching. It was worth it whether it “called” the Doctor to her, in a way, or not. Sometimes it seemed to work, but far too coincidental for the Assassin’s liking. Still, it was fun and good practice.

Every time he’d find Clara, she’d led him to the Doctor, unknowingly. But, every time the Doctor was too young. Whether she could lead to ad old enough version of the other was unknown, and logic showed that it could go either way; it was very possible Clara was a constant in the Doctor’s lives up until a certain point of which he was still too young to go to Trenzalore, or, throughout all of his lives and his second batch of lives even. It was hard to tell, as if the latter were the case, then the Assassin had simply not waited long enough yet. But, if the former were the case, no amount of waiting or tracking her various existences would help, and would, in fact, be a waste of his Time. But, unlike the Doctor, the Assassin hadn’t wasted all of his lives, throwing away his Time in a foolish manner. In fact, he still had 10 lives after his current left. And if it took that long to kill the Doctor, then it took that long to kill the Doctor. Patients was his virtue now, and he had quite a bit of planning and training to do, as well as other activities, in the meantime.

[aion-rsa]

Arrow’s Lexa Doig Explains What Makes Talia al Ghul A True Badass

Considering Oliver Queen’s previous encounters with Ra’s al Ghul and Nyssa, it was probably only a matter of time before his other daughter, Talia, entered the “Arrow” picture.

RELATED: Arrow’s Talia al Ghul Won’t Be a Nyssa Knockoff

A lethal assassin in her own right, in DC Comics’ lore, Talia has been an ally, a lover and an enemy to Batman. As there is no Batman in the Arrowvrse, this Talia instead finds herself involved with Green arrow. This season, it’s been revealed that she was the one who rescued Oliver from Ishmael Gregor and then proceeded to push him into fulfilling his destiny. Talia has trained Oliver, but she’s also an al Ghul. Can she be trusted? Does the apple fall far from the psychotic family tree?

Doig recently spoke with CBR about making Talia a badass, mentoring Oliver, her possible connections to Prometheus and the inevitable showdown with Nyssa.

CBR: Obviously, “Arrow’s” writers didn’t simply want to recycle what had been done with Ra’s al Ghul or Nyssa. How is Talia different than her father and half-sister?

Lexa Doig: It’s hard to say. This is my interpretation of it: Talia left the League of Assassins and forged her own way in the world, and her way is more in the real world as opposed to influencing events from the periphery. She may have a more direct hand, yet she’s very Talia al Ghul in that mentality of, “Why do it myself when I can get someone else to do it for me?” She is still someone who is a bit of a chess master. That would be my interpretation. All of my stuff has been with Stephen Amell, and it’s all been the flashback training. There hasn’t really been a reference for me of how she operates outside of that context.

In Talia’s first appearance, she disposed of Oliver’s assailants and rescued him. What did you enjoy about what that said about Talia?

The funny thing that I enjoyed about that introduction, from a completely technical perspective, is that it was one shot. That was the only thing I did the entire episode, but what a cool entrance. What it said was how badass the character is, taking out all those guys without batting an eyelash, and just stepping in with this mysterious, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you.”

Genre fans know you from “Jason X,” “Andromeda,” “Stargate SG-1,” and “Continuum.” What’s it been like joining the DC Universe?

It’s been so much fun. My ultimate goal – and I really want this, so I am putting it out in the universe – is I want Talia to have a Funko Pop! character. In my mind, I will have arrived if I can bring home a Funko Pop! character, a little figurine, and show it to my kids and say, “See. Mommy is cool.”

What did you make of Talia’s costume? Did it help you get into character?

What I love about the costume is how badass it makes me look. What made me laugh about the costume is the logistics of being in a superhero costume. They don’t tell you the quirks. For example, the quiver that goes in the back is often like a cone that your cat wears when he comes home from the vet. You’re not aware of it, you go to walk through a doorway, you slam your quiver into the side and you get stuck. Or the hood, when it’s up. My hood has to have a certain thickness. It’s made out of leather, so it stands up and looks nice, but then you have no peripheral vision and you can’t hear anything.

Then, there are these amazing side harnesses they have for me and they squeak a bit when I walk. The thing that I found funny about my very first day on set was walking around and looking so incredibly badass, but sounding like [makes squeaking noises]. As I walk, I’m bumping into things. I can’t hear what anybody says. I can’t see anything. It was just funny. Those are the hilarious things you discover about playing a badass, and how awkward it is. I have such respect for everyone on the show who has to wear these incredible costumes and stand there, looking badass and fighting and doing all the cool stuff. You have to overcome this hurdle of [squeaking sounds] and catching your cape on the back of your quiver.

When she arrives, Oliver was a lost soul. What does Talia see in him?

I think she saw potential. Oliver is somebody who is savage. He’s incredibly adept at what he wants to accomplish, but is a little directionless. He is on the side of good in those circumstances. It’s a bit murky and gray in the question of how he’s going to accomplish his goals, though. I don’t think that moral gray area is a difficult place for Talia to inhabit. She’s quite comfortable living there herself. What she saw in Oliver is the fact that he’s an incredible killer, and he’s doing it for the right reasons. She’s trying to point him in the right direction of what he really wants to accomplish.

Do you consider Talia a hero, wanting to make the city a better place out of the goodness of her heart? Does Oliver serve her agenda?

He sort of serves her agenda. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons when I was younger, and Talia strikes me as someone who is neutral in that it’s a balance, but maybe adding into that a little bit on the chaotic evil side. She has things she wants to accomplish, and she’s going to accomplish them by any means necessary. If it turns out to have positive ramifications and be a good thing, then “Yay” for everybody. If it doesn’t, it sucks to be anybody but her.

She’s described as “an elite warrior.” Where do you feel she ranks among the other League of Assassin members and Oliver?

Right up there. After a certain point, when you’re that good, it’s a matter of substance. Anybody can accomplish the things they need to accomplish. It’s just a matter of how they go about doing it. When you compare all the various superheroes and supervillains – and you have these wonderful theoretical discussions of who would win between Nyssa and Talia – it largely ends up being a draw. Or, when you get two really good hockey teams playing against each other, sometimes it just goes your way, and sometimes it doesn’t. I think they’re all elite.

Audiences have only gotten a taste of what Talia is capable of. Are we going to see more of her fighting prowess?

A little bit. I had a really great stunt double. I didn’t do a ton of it. You do see a little bit of it, but not a ton. The storyline really isn’t about how badass she is. It’s more about Talia helping Oliver find himself and find the Hood. Again, what seperates Talia from Nyssa and Ra’s is her ability to operate in the real world, the not-so-secret world. As accomplished as she is as a fighter, some of Talia’s strengths may lie in her intellect and her ability to read or manipulate a situation and play the long game. She’s someone who knows things and has the patience to play the long game.

So far, the series has only scratched the surface between Talia and Oliver. What can you tease about how that relationship unfolds?

She does what she set out to do. She very rarely doesn’t succeed at what she wants to accomplish. At this point, what she wants to accomplish is to help Oliver make peace with the savage side of himself and find a way to partition that into a place where he feels very comfortable with his alter-ego, whether the alter-ego is Arrow or Oliver Queen. That’s for him to decide, but it’s for whatever part of him that needs to exist in the real, above-ground, legit world versus the one that exists in the shadows. I do believe she actually accomplishes her goals.

Will viewers eventually get to see Talia in present day?

I don’t know. I will plead the fifth. I will say that Oliver seems to think that some of her interactions from the past may leave echoes in the present day. I can’t tell you whether it’s correct or not, but he does have that theory.

Fans have speculated that Talia shares ties with Prometheus. Have you come across those presumptions? What are your thoughts on that possibility?

I have no idea who Prometheus is. I only ever work with Stephen because of the nature of the flashbacks. It’s funny, because even on the call sheets, when you are shooting scenes that have Prometheus in them, he’s not technically listed on the call sheet. The character is listed, but no performer or actor is listed as Prometheus. Even I, who works on the show, have no idea who Prometheus is. So, if Talia has connections to Prometheus, I don’t know about it.

Katrina Law has told me she would love for Nyssa and Talia to square off. How would you like to see their dynamic play out?

I would love that. Here’s my problem. My instinct is to always go for funny and comedy. It doesn’t always play well in the comic book world, because everything is always very high stakes, which is also fun. I think it would be hilarious if the two of them didn’t get along, but in a very modern-day, sibling kind of way. Maybe they butt heads, but it’s over somebody taking too much time in the bathroom. That would be hilarious, although the fight scene would look pretty badass. It would be a killer fight sequence. I’m also a family sap at heart, so I’d also love to see Talia and Nyssa fighting on the same side – and arguing with each other at the same time.

The post Arrow’s Lexa Doig Explains What Makes Talia al Ghul A True Badass appeared first on CBR.com.

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