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brokutosan · 4 years

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Title. We Are Your First, Last, & Only Line of Defense Against This World of Scum

Pairing. Seijoh 3rd Years x Platonic!Reader

Summary. In which growing up is hard, but it’s a lot less harder if you’re doing it with the bestest friends you could ever ask for in the world (and Oikawa Toruu). Or; a journey through the friendship of the third years of Seijoh’s volleyball club.

Warnings. Manga spoilers up to chapter 395. Lots of cursings and mentions of anxieties about growing up. Kind of incoherent and mostly ramblings + not much dialogue, but I’ve been enjoying writing these types of things. Full disclosure: this is completely based on that official art of them at a karaoke bar. Title is from Men in Black by Will Smith.

Oikawa Toruu was 6 years old when he was crying about some kid stealing his pudding cup. And Iwaizumi Hajime was 6 years old when he dreamt of becoming a cop once he grew up, so he sought to bring justice for Oikawa’s pudding cup. L/N Y/N, also 6 years old, had declared that she would marry Hajime once she was old enough to, so she thought it was her job as his future bride to be his partner in solving this crime. (Oikawa Toruu could care less, he just wanted his pudding cup back).

Long story short, Iwaizumi Hajime ended up scuffling with said kid after he called him “stupid porcupine head” and Y/N jumped in the fray to save her future groom, while Oikawa jumped in to reclaim his pudding cup. And that was just the start of their long series of getting into trouble together.

When Oikawa Toruu was 14 years old and in his last year of junior high, the ugly green monster had reared its head and caused hostility between him and a certain kouhai. Y/N, always the kind one, had called him out on his bullshit and told him to get his act together. Oikawa fired back and called her out on her “pathetic crush on Iwa-chan,” effectively setting off the cold war between them that lasted all of summer. Iwaizume recalls having to go back and forth between the two because they refused to be in the same room together.

By the time they were 15 years old and entering highschool, the two ended up being in the same class. Oikawa pretended not to know her and hung out with “Makki” from his volleyball team. Y/N tried branching out and making friends with the other girls in her class for once, but she was shunned out for being close to the Oikawa Toruu back in middle school.

Their three months of silent treatment ended on the second week of the new school year, when Oikawa was enraged by the nasty rumors spreading about his childhood friend. Some guy Y/N rejected during the third day of school had spread rumors that she was involved in a reverse harem with Oikawa and Iwaizumi and that he didn’t bother going out with her because she was “too easy.”

Oikawa, 15 years old, threw the first punch. Iwaizumi, also 15 years old, held back his friend until Oikawa shouted out, “This bastard’s running around calling Y/N-chan a whor-” Oikawa didn’t need to finish because by then Iwaizumi had thrown the second punch. Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro, both 15 years old, tried holding back their two new volleyball teammates.

And that’s how Y/N and Oikawa tearfully made up, and the two, “Mattsun” and “Makki”, as Oikawa affectionately named them, joined their little friend group. Y/N ended up joining the volleyball club as a manager per Oikawa’s request (command) and finally everything was back to normal, with everyone forgetting about the “cold war” between Oikawa and Y/N.

It didn’t take long for Hanamaki and Matsukawa to fit into the group because anyone that could tolerate Oikawa deserves a reward (and that reward is the friendship they’ve built over the years, but none of them actually liked to get sappy).

By the time the five friends were 16 year olds in their second year of highschool, Oikawa has made a name for himself as the great setter of the Seijoh volleyball team. The other three were close behind in terms of popularity, but none were quite as open with it as Oikawa was. Y/N, on the other hand, did not get to enjoy the joys of the glory brought by the four players. She made heads turn, but the sight of four glowering boys right behind her made them turn back.

But there were a few exceptions.

Y/N was 16 years old and in second year of highschool when she got her first boyfriend. It wasn’t Oikawa, or Iwaizumi, or Hanamaki, or Matsukawa, no, it was a fellow second year in the same class as her (she was lucky enough not to be put in the same class as any of her idiot friends that year).

All five of them have forgotten his name now, but when they do talk about him every now and then, he was given the affectionate nickname, “Pighead.” Because two months into their relationship, Pighead had the nerve to demand Y/N to completely cut off her four friends.

Because she was young and naive and under the illusion of puppy love, Y/N was thrown into a dilemma. She mulled over it for weeks, lost sleep over whether or not she should comply, until Iwaizumi snapped her out of it and made her spill what was bothering her.

Once the four boys found out they offered to wipe Pighead off the face of Earth, but Y/N just cried and apologized for even just thinking about cutting off her amazing friends. They had a sleepover that night and Y/N still remembers it as one of her best childhood memories.

(Because of that one incident Y/N had decided to completely cut off immature boys from her highschool days).

Come their third year of highschool the five were as close as ever (and Oikawa, regrettably, much more annoying). They’ve built up seemingly unbreakable bonds that would last a lifetime, and Y/N was glad that she was able to take part in it. Having the four boys throughout her teenage years certainly was enjoyable, and she wouldn’t trade the memories and years of friendship they’ve attained for anything in the world. As long as she had the four of them (even Oikawa), she believed she could face off anything and anyone in the world.

When Y/N began worrying about college and growing up, they were there to help cheer her up. When the boys lost to Karasuno in the Prefectural Qualifiers, Y/N was there to cheer them up. She still remembers the tearful afternoon spent in the gym they’d spent three years of their lives in. And despite not being as hurt as the boys were after losing, Y/N had found herself shedding a few tears of her own. As they closed the gym doors one final time, they’ve also closed the doors to their childhood.

Teenage years go by, and as quick as they’ve entered highschool they found themselves graduating. Growing up. Taking the next step into adulthood. The four boys she came to love as her found family were now four men, and they’ve done well growing up.

And just like that tearful goodbye at the Seijoh volleyball club gym, Y/N finds herself preparing for another one. All five of them are adults now. Iwaizumi is going off to California to study in an American university, Oikawa’s going to Argentina to play volleyball, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa are moving to Tokyo together to study in a university. For once in her life, Y/N finds that she’ll be all alone in Miyagi, while her friends take the next few steps to growing up.

The five of them find themselves in Hanamaki’s childhood bedroom, for one last weekend sleepover before everything changes. They’ve strewn out blankets and pillow on the floor, and are laying down in a circular formation. They’ve been in this bedroom hundreds of times, in this same exact position, but now it’s completely different.

All his posters of celebrities are taken down and wrapped neatly on a pile sitting on his desk. His clutter of figurines and plushies collected over the years are in boxes, ready to move with their owner. His closet is empty, the clothes inside stuffed into their own labeled boxes. And his volleyball jersey that’s usually hung by the door is no longer there, no doubt already packed somewhere safe. Y/N tries not to dwell on the somberness of it all, and instead forces a laugh when Matsukawa makes a joke.

Y/N realizes she messed up when four pairs of eyes turn to look at her. “I know I’m a riot, but that joke wasn’t even that funny. I’ll admit to that.” Matsukawa speaks up.

“What’s on your mind?” Iwaizumi finally asks. His arms are behind his head and he’s staring up at the ceiling, no doubt lost in his own train of thoughts.

Y/N contemplates if she should ruin the peaceful vibes surrounding their group. They’ve already cried tons after losing to Karasuno, so do they even have any tears left for a goodbye? Y/N looks to her left and realizes all their attention focused on her, waiting for her to answer Iwaizumi’s question.

“Nothing. Just that maybe this’ll be our last weekend together.” She sighs, letting her emotions get the best of her. “We’re all going our own separate ways, who knows what could happen, y’know?”

It’s Oikawa that reacts first, but that’s no surprise since he’s Oikawa. “Y/N-chan! Are you trying to say you’re gonna miss me?” He asks with comical tears in his eyes. Y/N immediately regrets speaking up.

“I think I might miss you the least.” Oikawa feigns hurt at the comment, but he knows his friend better than anybody. ‘I’ll miss you more than you could even imagine.’ Is what she’s trying to say.

“Oi. No more crying.” Hanamaki finally says something. He can see the tears forming at Oikawa’s eyes, and a few that already shed from Y/N’s, before he feels the familiar burning sensation in his throat. “Damn it.”

“Nothing’s gonna change. We’ll all keep in touch, plain and simple.” Matsukawa announces, almost as if he was sure of it. “And if anyone,” Iwaizumi adds, looking directly at Oikawa, “decides to be a dick and try to cut us off, we’ll all personally fly out to South America to kick his ass.” A chorus of ‘yes’ sounded out as Oikawa gasps at his friends’ reactions.

“Why does it always get violent with you, Iwa-chan?!” He whines like a child, causing an outburst of laughter from the other four.

Hanamaki notices Y/N staring off into space again before he sighs, placing an affectationate hand on her head. “Relax, loser. It’s not like we’re gonna totally forget Miyagi. If anything me and Issei are gonna come back home more than you think. You’ll get tired of us eventually.”

Y/N wipes a few stray tears and nods, finally showing a genuine smile. “I’ll kill all of you if you even try to forget about Miyagi.”

“Impossible.” Iwaizumi says with a gentle smile on his lips.

The next morning the five friends make their way to Narita Airport, where Oikawa’s flying off to Argentina to become a better player. Their eyes are bloodshot red from staying up all night crying and reminiscing old memories together.

The walk from the parking lot to the boarding gate is quiet, until Oikawa breaks the awkward air between them. “When I get back, I’ll wipe the court with Tobio-chan.”

“You’re still not over that? Grow up.” Y/N glares, suddenly remembering their childish fight during their last year of junior high. Hanamaki laughs first, followed by Matsukawa, and finally Iwaizumi. The people around them stare strangely as five teens laugh with tears streaming down their eyes.

“Try not to miss me too much, ‘k, Y/N-chan?” Oikawa winks, just barely dodging the fist swung at him. A boarding call for Oikawa’s flight fills the airport, and they finally remember why they’re there in the first place.

“I’ll miss you guys.” He finally says seriously, tears freely falling down his face. Y/N cracks first, flinging herself to his awaiting arms and cries as she realizes this is his goodbye. Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi follow, forming a group hug in the middle of Narita Airport.

Oikawa pulls away, dragging a sleeve to wipe away his tears. He opens his mouth to say one final goodbye, but is interrupted by a plethora of voices overlapping each other,

“Try not to make your teammates hate you too much. Make some friends.”

“Don’t even think about calling me at midnight about your stupid problems.”

“If you come crying to me about your knee, I’m just gonna say I told you so.”

“Once you get back, I’ll be sure to give you hell.”

“Oi, what kind of curse are you all placing on me?!” Oikawa whines, the somber atmosphere replaced by their usual energetic one.

With one last ‘goodbye,’ Oikawa strides towards the airport gates, and away from the ones he’s grown to love over the years. He looks over his shoulders, taking a mental picture of all four of his closest friends waving and giving him nods of encouragement so that he’d never forget what he’ll always have back home.

The world can throw anything it wants at them, but as long as they had each other, nothing’s ever too scary or too tough.

A/N. Thank you for reading this totally self-indulgent fic with my fav third years! A Miya twins version of this fic is in the works! Also, I’m thinking of making a mini series off of this oneshot where you chose a route with one of the boys (romantically). Let me know if you guys would also be interested in that. - chuu

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lu-undy · 4 years

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Chapter 94 - SBT

Here it is!

"Mundy, non, I will not let you play this."

"But, Lu', it's a guaranteed win! And then I can get you that massive teddy bear."

"Mundy, if you do that…"

"What? What'll you do, eh?"

"I will spend my nights with that teddy bear and you sleep on the sofa!"

"But Lu'...!"

Both men were arguing not far from the shooting stand.

"Alright, let's do it another way." Mundy suggested.

"Hm?"

"We both try it. If you do better than me, you choose whatever you wanna embarrass me with."

Lucien's eyes lit up.

"Deal?" Mundy extended his hand.

"Deal." Lucien shook it and they both approached the shooting stand.

"Gentlemen! Get closer, c'mon, don't be shy! Here we are, here is your rifle, and here is yours!" The manager of the stand handed them both a plastic gun. "Shoot only on the wolves and avoid the sheep! Are we all ready?"

Lucien and Mundy exchanged a smile.

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Then leeet's go!"

The cardboard targets started sliding left and right, slowly at first. Both hit them consistently.

"Oh! We have good contestants today! What about a little faster, huh?"

The cardboard cutouts slid more irregularly, some fast, some slowly. But still, both men hit the targets without fail. Lucien and Mundy moved almost in sync left and right, their eyes catching the position and speed of the target a fraction of a second before they would rotate and align the iron sights of the plastic rifle on them.

The stand manager kept on increasing the speed of the moving targets but both men managed to match the challenge until the end of the round.

"Well, I'll be damned…" The poor man said. "It's not the first time it happens, but it's the first time I see it happen with both people!"

Lucien and Mundy chuckled.

"What reward would you prefer?"

Mundy was the first to answer.

"That big teddy bear."

"And for you, Sir?"

"The black panther, please."

Each of them took their prizes and exchanged them.

"There, now you will have someone to sleep with on the sofa, hm?" Lucien winked.

"C'mon…!" Mundy pleaded and both walked away.

They wandered through the alleys, passing by families, children with balloons, through the cheers and shouts of people enjoying their time as much as the couple of older men.

"Lu'?"

"Oui?"

"Want some cotton candy?"

"If I share it with you."

"Right, c'mere." They went to a cotton candy stand. "What color d'you prefer?"

"Pink." Lucien answered.

"Then can we get a pink one, please?" Mundy addressed the man in charge who nodded and they waited there, their eyes riveted on the cloud of sugar growing bigger and bigger with every spin of the stick.��

"There."

"Thanks, mate." Mundy paid what they owed and they walked away. The Aussie held the candy while both bit into it. "Oh God… Hahaha!" He burst out laughing when part of it stuck to the Frenchman's moustache and beard.

"What?"

"You got a pink beard now!"

"Oh…" Lucien cleaned himself as best as he could. "Is there any left?"

"Nah, you're alright… Let's go."

They continued their walk through the stands.

"Do you know what we call cotton candy in French?"

"No, what?"

"Barbe à Papa."

"Somethin' of dad?"

"Dad's beard, literally." Lucien answered and both laughed.

"I can bloody well see why, eh, Papa?" Mundy said.

"Indeed. Oh, here, a bench."

They both sat down and put their prizes next to them. Lucien took the cotton candy and held it for both of them while Mundy stretched his arm on the bench's back, to end up wrapping it around Lucien's shoulders.

"Gosh, I didn't remember it was that sweet…"

"Well it is only sugar, what did you expect?" Lucien chuckled.

"You're the other way around." Mundy answered.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not only sugar but you're sweet."

"Pff…" Lucien rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

"What? It's true."

"Maybe, but it is very… uh… what do you say in English again for this...? Ah! Cheesy."

"Well, I'm tryin', eh? We can't all get born seductive'n all…!"

"Very true. But what you lack in the art of seduction, you more than make up for with other skills of yours."

"Oh-ho boy, what skills, eh?"

Lucien gave that trade-marked smile of his.

"This place is full of children, it would not be decent to answer."

"Ooh, I get it…"

They exchanged a smile and finished their cotton candy, lazily watching people pass by.

"I wish I could just…" Mundy started.

"What? What do you wish you could do?"

"Just… Y'know… Hold your hand or just hold you close."

"I am right next to you, mon loup. Also, I did not take you for one who would be comfortable with public displays of affection."

"I'm not. I just don't care about people, I only see you and uh... I need to hold you."

"Is something the matter?"

"No, no… It's just me, I need you." Mundy looked at people passing by. "Feels a bit unfair that they can but we can't."

"Believe me," Lucien answered. "A lot of them would give away their lives to have what we have."

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean that we love each other sincerely, not for pressure from our families or any other constraint that life might have thrown at us. I love you for who you are, and vice versa. We have gone through hell and back, and that did nothing but strengthen what we have between us."

"Yeah, you're right."

"The way I see it, we envy them for their ability to show their love, but they would envy us much more if only they knew the strength of the bond between us. It goes beyond a ring on a finger, or a promise. You saved me and I saved you, in more instances and more senses than they will ever understand."

Mundy took a deep breath and when Lucien raised his eyes to him, the Aussie was smiling.

"And they would envy me for that delicious smile you have, amongst other things." Lucien added and Mundy chuckled and lowered his head to hide his blush.

"You got a pretty smile too, Lu'. I like it when you smile and uh… Y'know, you do the thing with yer teeth."

"What thing?"

"It's like when you laugh and uh… I like your teeth, they're like in the ads."

"Like in the ads…?"

"They're perfect and they shine and… I just love your smile and laughter."

"Oh, I know…" Lucien raised lovestruck eyes to Mundy and gave him a flash of his pearly white teeth.

"Gosh, you're gorgeous… I'd kill to hear your laughter more often."

"Well, that doesn't sound too hard to do."

"Huh?"

"You want to hear my laughter? Make me laugh then." Lucien answered.

"Right… Uh… I mean… Hold on, I gotta remember a joke or two… Uh…"

And while Mundy squeezed his brains out in search for any joke he could remember, Lucien burst out laughing.

"But I didn't say anythin' yet?!" Mundy exclaimed.

"I know but you don't have to. Your effort alone is touching, mon amour…"

"So I just have to look like I'm looking for jokes to make you laugh, eh?"

"Non, just be yourself."

"Find me funny?"

"In your own way, oui."

Mundy looked down at Lucien and they exchanged a sweet smile.

"Let's put the plushies in the van and come back."

A few minutes later they were back in the fair, looking left and right at what they could do.

"Wanna try this?"

"Mundy, it's archery."

"Yeah, and?"

"Are you going to make me do all those things that you are an expert at?" Lucien asked.

"Why not? You can take me to stands where they make you wear a mask and do spooky stuff, eh?"

"That is a good idea. But fine, let us proceed to the archery stand."

They approached and queued. When their turn came, they each took a bow and five arrows.

"Ooh, I see both gentlemen know their ways with a bow and arrows, eh? But are they good sharpshooters?" The stand manager asked and the people waiting in the queue observed them.

Lucien and Mundy were about ten metres or so away from the large circular targets.

"Ready…? Set…? Go!"

Both pulled an arrow and placed it against the string of the bow. They pulled, Lucien closing one eye, Mundy keeping both open and-

"It's a bullseye for both!"

"Think you can beat me, eh?"

"Non, I am sure of it - gnh!" Lucien pulled a second arrow and shot it right next to the first one.

"Ha, you're cute…" Mundy took two and put them against the string of the bow. "Watch and learn, Princess." He pulled the string and released it.

"Mon Dieu… How did you do that?!" Lucien gasped. One arrow went to the centre of Mundy's target and one to the centre of his own.

"I'm just that good, heh." Mundy arrogantly answered and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Tu ne perds rien pour attendre…"

"Say whatever the hell you want, you've lost, darl'..." Mundy took two arrows from Lucien and while still staring at him, he aimed and shot both in the middle of his target.

Lucien sighed and lowered his head to bite his lip. If only… If only they were alone, he would have kissed the soul out of Mundy right there, right then. But too many eyes were on them and he decided against shocking all these people.

"Fine, you won… I cannot possibly do better than that…" Lucien admitted.

"Well," The stand owner approached them. "You both know what you're doing, but you…!" He turned to Mundy. "Are you a pro or something?"

"Yeah, sort of."

Lucien rolled his eyes and chuckled at the arrogance of his lover.

"Alright, you get to choose your prize then!"

Mundy looked at the plastic toys and other knick-knacks.

"Can I get two?" He asked.

"Uh, alright, go for two! What can I get ya?"

"This one, and that one, please." Mundy pointed at a French and an Australian flag.

"Sure thing!" The stand owner gave him both his prizes and Lucien followed him out.

"So…" Mundy asked when they were sufficiently far from the archery stand. "Impressed…?"

"Taken aback and twice amazed." Lucien answered.

"Here, that's for you." Mundy handed him the Australian flag.

"Hm, they really give the citizenship easily in this country." The ex-Spy laughed.

"Yup, and so does France. Look at me, I've got a flag now, I'm French!"

"Pfff!" Lucien laughed. "You need more than that to get the citizenship, I'm afraid."

"What if I was livin' with a French bloke?"

"Living?" Lucien repeated.

"Can't say more cause there are kids around." Mundy wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, I see…" Lucien chuckled. "And who is the lucky one?"

"Can't tell you his name," Mundy answered as they both went on wandering in the alleys. "But I can show him to you. I'm about to buy him somethin'."

"Ah, lucky man he is." Lucien went on.

"Yeah, and he has a sweet tooth, so I'm gonna get here and - hey, mate, two caramel apples please… Thanks." Mundy paid what he owed and handed one to Lucien who blushed and raised an eyebrow to his lover.

"Do you know what these are called in French?"

"Is it somethin' about your beard again?"

"Non, we call them 'pomme d'amour'." Lucien answered.

"Somethin' of love…?"

"Apple of love."

"Ooh, I see… Well, here we are then, I just offered the bloke who's got me an apple of love."

"I like this arrogance of yours, it's new."

"Well I just beat the world's best spook, let me enjoy this, eh?"

They both tipped their apples and bit into them.

"Mh… As sweet as your lips…" Lucien raised lovestruck eyes to his lover.

"Listen to you, and you told me I was cheesy."

"Because you are." Lucien answered and gently bumped his lover with his shoulder. Mundy wrapped an arm around Lucien's shoulders.

"Right, so I'm cheesy but you're not, eh?"

"Exactement. You are cheesy and I am seductive."

[Exactly.]

"Pfff, doesn't make any sense, why can't I be the seductive one?"

"Look into my eyes." Lucien said and Mundy obeyed. His breath calmed down and his pupils dilated. His jaw slowly relaxed and he lowered his caramel apple. Lucien gave him a slow flap of his long black eyelashes and Mundy felt a soft punch in his guts. "This is why I am the seductive one."

"Uh? What-why?"

"I can bring your heart rate down with only a blink of my eyes, Mundy." Lucien answered and they went on eating their apples. "The day that you will be able to do that to me, you will be the seductive one." He gently tapped Mundy's chest.

"Right… Tss…" They shared a chuckle and continued walking around. "Anything you want to play with me?"

"Plenty."

"Oh? What d'you wanna do?"

"It is too early and crowded for my kinds of ideas, mon loup."

"Lu'... I meant in this fair."

"Ah…" He winked. "Well, to be honest, I can barely remember the last time I went to a fair, mon loup."

"It's alright… I just want you to choose somethin' you'd like to do. So far, I've been deciding, doesn't seem fair."

"Hm…"

"You like fast stuff? Adrenaline rush and that kind of things?"

"Not really. I only ever liked the adrenaline rushes at work. Well, I learnt to like them, not that I had much choice."

"Right, so none of these fast spinny thingies…"

"Non but… I suppose there is one thing we could do. I have always wanted to try it." Lucien answered.

"What is it?"

"This." Lucien pointed straight ahead and upwards.

"The ferris wheel?"

"Oui, if you are comfortable with heights."

"Sure, let's go!" Mundy squeezed Lucien's shoulders tighter and off they went.

They queued and finished their apples while watching the gigantic wheel slowly turn. When their turn came they hopped in the cabin and took a seat one in front of the other. A few moments later they started taking off.

Lucien waited for them to be sufficiently far from the ground to gently move seats and sit next to Mundy. The Aussie wrapped an arm around him and squeezed him close.

"Mmh… Mon loup…"

"Yeah, luv'?"

"Look at this sight… We can see the entire city, the river…" Lucien's head was on Mundy's upper chest and shoulder.

"And I can see the most gorgeous bloke I've ever met, eh?" Mundy brushed his lover's hair and Lucien moaned happily. He raised his head and they exchanged a kiss.

"Mundy?"

"Mh?"

"I want to stay in your arms."

"You will. Nothin'll pull you away from me, eh?" Mundy kissed Lucien's head. "And I'm keepin' you. All the guys and sheilas in the world look at you like you're an ice cream and it's the middle of the bloody summer. But you're with me." Mundy laced his other arm around Lucien and pulled him impossibly closer. "You're with me and I'm not lettin' go of you."

"Thank you." Lucien left a few kisses in his lover's neck and Mundy smiled with his eyes closed.

The ferris wheel was such that they were at the top most position now.

"Look at this, luv'."

Their arms were laced around each other. The noise of people's cheers and chatter, as well as of the other activities in the fair were muffled by the distance. Lucien only heard Mundy's gentle breath and his gravelly whispers.

"All this city… And the desert over there, beyond it�� Beautiful, eh?"

"Oui, it is." Lucien answered. "And I am grateful to see it all with you, mon loup."

"Same… I never… I never did stuff like that before, I mean, not with someone I love. Happened with friends, with my parents, never with someone special."

"Neither have I." Lucien said. "But I feel lucky that somehow, in this weird and nonsensical life, I eventually did, with you."

They pushed their smiling lips against each other and stayed there for a while. Mundy brushed Lucien's hair behind his ear and pulled him closer still.

"Lu'?"

"Oui?"

"Thanks." Mundy took Lucien's hand and held it against his own chest. "I know there's still stuff to do, I need to tell Dad about us and stuff, but… With you, I feel like I can do it."

"Of course you can, but by no means do you have to." Lucien answered.

"Yeah, I know. I'm glad Mum's alright with it all."

"She wants you to find your happiness more than she sticks her own definition of it on you. This is a rare quality."

"Yeah… Mum's great, she's the best, really."

Lucien smiled.

"I remember you told me your mum and dad wanted to force you into medicine or law and you ran away…?" Mundy asked.

"Oui. My mother was a saint, an honest, hard-working and faithful woman. The rumours of my father's death were well spread but she still refused to find another man. She insisted on being sure about it. I think she loved him more than she loved my step father. When my father's death was confirmed officially, she grieved for years…"

"I can understand." Mundy brushed his lover softly. "But she found another bloke eventually?"

"She did. Although, to be nearer the truth, one should say 'she accepted another man'. My mother was gorgeous, blond, long hair with kind, blue eyes. She refused more men than she ever showed me, a young boy. But I was growing up and started to understand that if men were complimenting her, it wasn't just out of kindness. I was defensive, very much so. I wouldn't let her go out of the house alone."

"How old were you?"

"About fifteen or so. I would hold her hand in the street and act almost like her companion. And she treated me like her guardian, her little man. I started to feel the responsibility of carrying a family, a woman whose heart was too pure to be taken by anyone else. But of course, one day, it happened. I think she didn't like him like she loved my father. She liked the feeling of safety, of having a proper man at her side."

Mundy moved on his seat to better hold Lucien, as they were slowly going down.

"Within a year, they were married, living together. He slept in her bed and acted as if he owned the place."

"You didn't like him?" Mundy asked.

"For some things, I am grateful. He treated my mother well, never raised his hand on her and treated her like an equal. But the speed at which he invaded our lives scared me and what pushed me away was the day that my mother, who was otherwise compassionate and understanding towards me, sided with him."

"For your studies?"

Lucien nodded.

"I told my mother that I wanted to become something else, someone else. Of course saving lives or defending people are noble causes. But my call was elsewhere, maybe as a policeman?"

"Oh… You wanted to become a policeman?"

Lucien nodded.

"I kept thinking that if I had been old enough to be one when my mother was being whistled and harassed by those men who came back traumatised by the Great War, I would have been a policeman and arrested all of that scum." He sighed. "My mother had nothing against me entering the police forces. My step father however disagreed. He knew me very poorly and thought that I was doing that just for the nice uniform, the status and nothing else. Besides, he thought I wanted to put my aggressiveness into something that would allow me to get it out."

"You were aggressive?" Mundy raised a curious eyebrow.

"Frustrated would be a better way to put it. I hated that he prevented me from doing something that I wanted. He kept telling my mother that it would be better if I became a doctor or a lawyer… He said it so many times that it became the truth to her, even though she knew I never wanted that.”

“So you went away, on your own?”

“Oui. It happened on a night that as usual, I argued with him, my step-father. We both ended up raising our voices at each other and… I saw my mother’s distress and I swore to myself that I would never see it again."

"Gosh… You really loved her, eh?"

"More than anyone else for a long long time." Lucien answered. "When I was old enough to find a woman myself, I struggled."

"W-what? But you're gorgeous…!"

"Oui. I did not struggle to attract women, I struggled to accept them, because the responsibility was gigantic, and what if someday they went away like my mother? I could not place my trust in any women. So I… You will find this horrendous…"

"Hey…" Mundy took Lucien's chin between his fingers and lifted his face upwards. "It's alright, it's behind you now, don't be ashamed or anythin', we all make mistakes, even gorgeous spooky men like you." He gave him a tender smile and Lucien gently nodded. "So go ahead, if you want to."

"Well… I used women… for the physical needs. I didn't have an ounce of sentimentality for them and could not care less if they did to me. For most of them, the arrangement was suitable. We would have a night, maybe a couple more but that was it."

"I guess some wanted more, didn't they?"

"Oui, unfortunately so. But I was a spy and a prudent man. I knew how to disappear, so it wasn't much of an issue."

"Were you like that all the way till you met Mary?"

"Oui, pretty much."

"Wow… I knew you could be like that, I mean, makes sense for a bloke as good-lookin' and with the manners and all as you… But I never imagined you actually were like that."

Lucien pulled himself out of the embrace.

"Well, I was. I enjoyed the privileges that Mother Nature gave me, shamelessly and recklessly. Part of me never thought I could make it out of the war anyway. I was young, inexperienced, and everyday I learnt of the death of people who were much more used to the chaos of war, people who trained about it for years. So I gave everything I had to taste life as best as I could, before I would get caught."

"Jesus… C'mere." Mundy pulled him into a hug but Lucien pushed him back. "W-what's wrong?"

"Are you…" Lucien wiped a tear at the corner of his eyes. "Disappointed in me?"

"No…? Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Lucien answered. "You would be right to have doubts about me or… distrust me."

"Lu'." Mundy's voice was assertive enough to make Lucien's eyes move up to meet his. "You can tell that nonsense to someone else. I've been through hell with you and without you. I've seen what you're capable of doing, I know you and even with all that, I love you. Every day when I wake up, I don't even ask myself about it, I don't question it, I don't have the slightest doubt. I love you. Now you take all that bullshit your mind's been cookin' up for years and you throw it out your head, ok?"

"But Mun-"

"No, there's no but." Mundy cupped his lover's face and pushed his forehead against Lucien's. "I'm takin' you and I have taken you. With all your story, with all your problems and with everythin', ok?"

"D'accord."

[Fine.]

"Lu', d'you hear me?"

"Oui."

"Lu', I know you, I know the ex-spook, I know the singer, I know the fighter, I know the stubborn, arrogant piece of a liar that you might have been before." Mundy brushed his thumbs on his lover's temples and Lucien sniffled. "But I love every bit of you. Doesn't matter what you were in any other way that it helped build you as you are now. And y'know what? Now, you're my Lu', ok?"

Lucien gently nodded.

"Say it."

"I am… I am your Lucien."

"No, that's not what I said. Say it properly."

"I am… your Lu'."

"Good. You got that in that beautiful head o'yours?"

Lucien nodded again, his forehead still against Mundy's.

"You sure?"

"Oui."

"C'mere, now." Mundy hugged him and this time, Lucien did not push him away. He clawed in his lover's sides, his back, everywhere his fingers were planted, and buried his head deep in his chest. "I love you, Lu', I love all of you."

"Merci." A muffled voice answered. The Frenchman wanted to let tears run down his face but the cabin was getting closer to the ground and he didn't want to cry in public.

Beyond Mundy's words and the comfort he was bringing him, what touched Lucien most was that feeling of achievement, of reaching somewhere that he did not know he could reach. He had been taught to grow up, get married to a lovely wife, have equally lovely children and work to support them. But life gave him an outstanding partner, a couple of beautiful cats and some years to go still.

When he broke the embrace and looked up at Mundy, his eyes red and his throat burning as it held back his emotions, he smiled. In the Aussie's lagoon blue irises, he saw all the versions of himself, the little boy, Maman's guardian, the young homeless teenager, the rookie spy, the father, the fiancé, and now, a man better than what he thought he could ever be.

"Merci, Mundy."

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy #SBT

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universal-kitty · 5 years

Text

.: Day 1 - F/O February :.

Reverse Self-Ship: You are your F/O’s F/O!!

I’m from a video game series akin to an odd mix of Watch_Dogs and Grand Theft Auto. Things can get a little pervy, hijacking cars is involved, stealth and adventure abound...but so is a bunch of ridiculous, silly things, like a petting minigame that triggers randomly when interacting with my cat.

There’s a single-player mode focused on my background and meeting up with past friends or exes...and is story-based, allowing you to attack and kill them, befriend them again... All sorts of stuff.

Also, the option to adopt more cats and become a crazy cat lady...in spirit.

Shit, romance people if you want! Live life!

Marcus got Wrench (Reggie) the game as a birthday gift. It was mostly a joke, because Reg REALLY thought he wouldn’t like it....and what else do best friends do but give their bffs prank gifts?

Still, Marcus bought it for him new... So Reg boots it up and gives it a chance, anyways.

......holy shit, he actually likes this WAY more than he first thought he would.

First of all, he HATES animals; every one he’s ever met seems to hate him and hurt him, so he’s turned his back on animalkind. However, throughout the game, I’m NOTHING but kind to every animal and suspicious of every person I meet.... Some of which he understands completely. There are some ASSHOLES in this game!!

Also, the way I croon to my cat and get into baby talk... It’s so damn cute to him. Really makes him feel some kinda way, which he flushes over. (Haha, wow that’s embarrassing.)

The point is, he ends up hating animals a little less and starts loving cats a LOT more.

Actually had to put down the controller and walk away from the game when doing a dancing minigame. He could barely focus on the button commands with how cute I was being while doing the dances.

Proceeds to look up people who 100% the dances just so he can save them to his phone. Watch them whenever he wants.

Later deletes them, 100%s them on his own, and THEN saves them onto his phone. Is a lot more happy with them, cause they’re HIS gameplay videos and not someone else’s.

LOVES messing around with outfits. Someone on the staff was either a big fan of cats or just...made that my most out-there personality trait (second only to the games and show in my world that are obviously knock-offs of real-world games), but he’s not complaining. Running around in cat ears and a cat tail? So damn cute.

His personal favorites are the masks I have combined with the matching jackets; it makes me feel more relatable to him...but he’s a greedy man and always eventually takes them off so he can look at my face.

Has SO MANY PICTURES on Facebook of him playing this damn game. Marcus kinda thought he was pranking at first, but now the whole squad knows Reg is a bit of an addict.

They got him the other games on Christmas and he cried. Everyone was....kinda in awe.

Josh got him a t-shirt with my character on it that reads “Bee Paw-sitive~!” on it. He wears it a LOT.

He definitely started up a collection that rivaled....basically no one else in the fandom.

HATES seeing the fandom pairings. And since you can romance anyone due to my sexuality canonly being Panromantic...it’s frustrating.

(Well, he’s Bi, so some of the people he wouldn’t mind sharing with, yeah....but he’s specifically venomous over the people he’s SURE are my friends only. Or are/were super toxic to me in my past. So, so bitter that anyone likes those ships, but holds his tongue only bc he got a figurine of me doing some cutesy pose next to his monitor. It helps him keep his head.)

Literally has a savings account reserved for merchandise. If it exists, he wants to buy it. If it doesn’t, but someone’s commissions are open? He’s gonna buy it.

Has bought art, jumped on art-trades/requests to get MORE art of us together. Has two plushies of me, as well as a body pillow. Continues to seek more things.

Is honestly upset that my size is medium (and so he can’t wear my canonly fitted clothes), BUT that doesn’t stop him from owning a single shirt in my size AND getting items that mimic my wardrobe.

He likes to imagine we can match together....or I can wear HIS version of my fave shirts when mine are dirty~!

Is still debating getting a kitten. Until that day, cat plushes are among the only other plushes he has (aside from mine).

Weird as he felt about it, he later admitted to his friends that he....kinda felt romantically towards me? And was thinking about just being fictoromantic...

Josh was the first one to see no problem with it and fast. People can be hard to work with, so... You do you. (Reg then felt bad about bullying him so much....oop.)

Horatio was also quickly on board. “Hey man, they make you happy. If it helps, it helps.”

Marcus....was a little more confused, but got in the spirit of it, regardless. “man, if I knew you would’ve actually liked it, I woulda got it for you a lot sooner!! Have fun, man.”

Sitara doesn’t quite get it, but.... It sure explains why Reg kept pestering her to tag “Purrfect Anarchy” in certain places and commissioning her for stylized art of him with them.

T-Bone....kinda harasses him about it, but the group stands by Reg. Josh is pretty upset about it, though.

He also follows every piece of news and publicly shares it, after admitting to being ficto. LOTS more pictures like, “Cutie’s got good taste.” [selfie with him sticking out his tongue and wearing one of the replica shirts] “Dinner date with bae!” [screenshot of me looking at the screen of his laptop, dinner and candlelight between us]

Everyone rolled with it more and more over time, so now it’s entirely not uncommon for them to bribe Reg to do things by dragging me into it...

Sitara: Hey, you leaving? Wrench: ...yeah, why? Sitara: Can you get me a coffee while you’re out? Wrench: Wh-? Why should I get you-? Sitara: I bet Rachel would like you doing something like that, y’know. Wrench: .....That’s cruel. You’re cruel. Sitara: I know~! You know how I like it, thank you, and Rachel loves you. Wrench: [sputters audibly and shuffles out the door, muttering to himself, embarrassed]

They don’t do a LOT of crimes anymore, but... Definitely still fuck shit up w/ cops. Reg daydreams a shitton about a masked romance and the anarchy we could commit together... After all, I helped him be braver. So he could help me, too, and then..... So much glorious chaos. Maybe makeouts in his car...

Was literally the type to not give a SHIT about marriage or kids, but now nonstop thinks about our lives together. Anarchy and domestic lifestyle shit can coexist, right? We can be married, have our cute lil’ two story (three, if you count the attic AND a basement), and some kids.....and also go create anarchy and throw bricks at cop cars and cause so much damn trouble..... Right?

He’ll even get a CAT for our home. It’ll be our first kid and not only will he be SO COOL, but they’ll name her (yes, a girl) Princess Leia and I’ll probably cry in happiness!!

Reg is DETERMINED to be the best husband/boyfriend ever. Doesn’t matter which, cause whatever speed I’d like to go at? Hell yeah, he’s down for it. Just as long as he can still hold my hand and gush over how cute I am and-

Has gushed about me and my series before and WILL do so again, prompted or not.

Actually participated in the fandom a little. Mostly does reblogs and such, but has written a few stories (self-inserts are the majority), done some not too shabby art, and prides himself on being the BIGGEST fan of the series with all the merch he has AND commissions bought.

Made a select few friends who also are fans, but... Is constantly anxious about his self-shipping. Either that they might eventually think he’s weird, send more anon hate (he’s gotten some in the past for “being a creep”), or- worst yet- also self-ship with me and he’s still dealing with that idea.

Until then, he’s got a wedding ring he bought cheap at the jewelry section of some store, so.... Coping skills, babey.

#FOFebruary #FOFebruary2020 #Aki speaks #otp; purrfect anarchy #self ship #self ship community #oH LOOK I'M DOING THINGS ALL OF A SUDDEN.....#O D D #anyways have this thank u

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similianonyme · 5 years

Text

KH3 Sora’s jacket construction process

Hi everyone! This is Tory, the most talkative one behind Simili Anonyme! Yeah, I know, we’ve both been preeeetty quiet lately. What can I say, we are busy people. Anyway, I made this thread on Twitter (@floracoquelicot) and I thought it could be cool to share this here as well since Tumblr makes it easier to find old posts, and this might be helpful!

So Salt (ShioOuji) and I did and art trade lately, which led me to the making of Sora’s jacket. I will detail the process as much as I can right here. Feel free to DM me if you need any other information :D

***

Teaser :

***

Costume : Sora (Kingdom Hearts III)

Time elapsed : ~65 hours (spread on 8 days)

Yelling and saying I will give up : none this time (yay!)

***

Step 1 : Gathering your references.

So you wanna cosplay Sora, right? Good! What you first need to do is getting to know the clothes you’re willing to make. I’m going to focus on the jacket here, and trust me, depending on which reference you’re using, it’s going to look different.

On the first picture, the jacket looks like it’s mostly made of leather/pleather. On the second one, it looks a lot more this the usual mysterious Nomura Fabric that I feel looks like a lot like neoprene. You can see two flaps with plaid fabric, going around the zipper ; this means they are sewn behind the zipper. The jacket is lines with black fabric, it has some pretty big pockets and golden buttons. Only one zipper, of a very respectable size, which is almost surprising, and the sleeves are bicolor. I must say, knowing Nomura’s love for ridiculous outfits, this one looks pretty normal.

The reference I used the most, though, is one from @art-antonioalvz giving a whole look at the jacket (as well as the trousers for y’all artists) https://art-antonioalvz.tumblr.com/post/159503686722/i-made-a-cosplay-reference-guide-for-soras-kh3 (even though I am crediting and linking it, if you feel like that’s just reposting feel free to message me and I’ll remove the pic, it just felt clearer for the explanations!)

This picture is incredibly helpful mostly because you get to see the sides, which is not something you’ll easily find in your reference pictures quest.

Got all your references ready? Let’s move onto stage 2!

-----

Step 2 : chosing your fabrics

I have worked with 9 different fabrics for this jacket. Here is how I broke down the jacket:

Main shape (black)

Pocket (grey)

Pocket bias tape (white)

Horizontal band (white)

Horizontal band - Vertical band - Sleeves band (red)

Middle of sleeves (grey)

Plaid fabric (Black & Red)

Bias tape (grey)

Lining (black)

Picking the right shade might sometimes be a bit tricky, so make sure to get samples to compare them, as they might look different from what you see on screen!

Just look at all these shades and swatches!

Now, about the fabrics I used: the idea behind this jacket was that it wasn’t made to be a costume, but something to be worn IRL. So instead of trying to be completely accurate with my fabrics, I picked something more casual, comfy, warm, that would feel great to wear. And who doesn’t love a good jersey? (I sure do). Jersey is stretchy, thick, and not too hard to use. Make sure you own some Stretch needles for your sewing machine though!

The red, black and sleeve grey fabrics are jersey fabric. I did not keep track of where I bought them, but they are pretty thick with a fluffy, plushy side on the wrong side. My white bias tape is some leftover stretch bias tape I bought at my local fabric store. The white fabric I used for the bottom line is a very thick neoprene fabric. The pocket fabric is some dark grey neoprene. The lining is a thin black cotton, really soft on the skin. The plaid fabric is something I designed using Spoonflower. You can get it here(click!) if you’d like. Add 6 buttons of your liking (I used bronze snaps, will explain later why), a silver/grey/black zipper, and you’re good to go!

Okay, so now we’ve know what we want and we know what we’ll be using to make it. What are we missing now?

---

Step 3 : The pattern

There are different ways to use a pattern for a costume.

You might never use patterns. If you are really comfortable with draping and are used to understand and draw shapes just by looking at them, this step might be useless for you and you can jump to step 4.

You can make patterns based on clothes you own. Turn the outfit inside out and draw the shape of each piece on paper, following the seams. Don’t forget about the seam allowance! You will need to cut bigger pieces to sew along the lines.

You can use pre-made patterns. That’s the option I chose. I’m really bad with sleeves and not really used to hoods, so I decided to buy a pattern made for this costume.

Here’s the one I got.

This pattern was made by Anh Cosplay, and you can buy it here(clic). It includes a PDF for the jacket and the trousers in different sizes, explanations on how to sew them, costs $9 and is super helpful. Anh also sells many other pattern on her shop so make sure to have a look!

And now we’re good to go!

---

Step 4 : Making the costume.

Okay, now everyone works differently. I will explain how I worked, but by no means this is the best or the only way.

The first thing I did was, using the pattern, making the lining. Some people like to make mockups first with a cheaper fabric to make sure the size is right. That’s somehow what I did with my lining - I had a lot of that cotton and I could redo things if I didn’t like them.

I cut the pieces, pinned them, tried it on, stitched them together with some lose stitches, tried it on again, readjusted a few things until I was satisfied, and then sewed them together. And tried it on. Never enough checking that everything’s fine!

Alright! Now that we have our jacket lining done, it is time to work on the outside. The process is the exact same, and I would suggest following the pattern instruction if you bought it.

As I said, trying things on will help make decisions. What you can see here was my first try for the plaid, which I didn’t like very much. I also felt like the flaps from Anh’s pattern were too big and didn’t fit the proportions I wanted to achieve. This is why I resulted to design my own fabric, using Spoonflower.

Designing isn’t always right from the first time, and it actually took me a few tries to get what I wanted ;)

As I mentioned before, this one is made for casual wear. Which means I wanted it as convenient as possible. There are many options for the buttons (that, while not being oversized, are still kind of big), but I went for snaps for a practical reason : that way, you can fold the flaps inside the jacket and can zip the jacket aaaall the way up!

When the flaps are inside the jacket, you can zip it up. Convenient when you’re cold!

Make sure to sew the pockets and the buttons-snaps-whatever before adding the lining! Same thing if you want to add inner pockets or anything you’d like ; once the lining and the outside are sewn together, there is no going back. (I mean, there is, but it’s a hassle)

The flaps are sandwiched between the zipper and the lining. From the picture above, you have your layers like this : Red-Zipper-Flaps-Lining.

I handsewed a few pieces :

Stitching the top (white) of the pockets to the black fabric, and the bottom red line to the lining.

Sora has some decorative horizontal stitching on some pieces (the white one and the red ones) but I didn’t trust myself to get lines straight enough to look good, so I didn’t do them.

And voilà!

We have a lovely jacket, a bit heavy (it is just under 900g) but oh so comfy. I cannot wait so send it out to the Saltdom where I know it will be loved and well taken care of <3

I hope this was at least a bit interesting! My DMs are always open if needed. Now it is time for me to fall back into Oblivion! (which is apparently where I live, housemates are a bit weird but they’re okay)

(and if you ever wanna see more cosplays by me, you can find me on Facebook as Tory Cosplay(click!) :DDD )

#cosplay #kingdom hearts #sora #jacket #diy #tutorial #sewing #clothing #kh3

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xoxoendoh · 6 years

Text

A Prickly Pair

Prompt: Temari Week / Month 2018, Day 1: Hourglass ⏳ (Sorry I’m late!)

Summary: Shika tries his damnedest to ensure Tema’s first birthday they spend together is perfect…but life has a way of turning the best intentions upside-down. ;) Ninja-verse + all the Naruto crew!

Also, if my god-awful 🌵 pun of a title didn't give it away, lemme just say this: prepare yourself for a long fic with major fluff and cracky humor!

Rating: T; colorful language, birthday booze, some suggestive themes 😏 There are two f-bombs—two!—but they are well-deserved, so I'm leaving this fic as T.

Soundtrack: “Magic in the Hamptons” by Social House (ft. Lil Yachty)—it's so damn catchy!

Also: Hanakotoba is the art of conveying messages / sentiments through flowers. For example, you might send yellow camellias to a SO who's been away on business as a way of conveying "longing." 💐

Read on FF.net here + this will have a Part II / continuation...soon-ish!

Shikamaru knew he was in trouble. One way or another, he knew he was going to have his ass handed to him. As that notion wasn’t exactly incentivizing, ...his lazy ass had procrastinated: now he had one day.

“What a drag…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, both elbows resting on his thighs.

If there was one thing he knew about the other troublesome women in his life—his mother, Ino, Sakura, even the Godaime—it was that their birthdays might as well have been national holidays.

But if he did what his troublesome woman claimed she wanted, he’d literally be doing nothing. For her birthday.

When he’d seen Temari last month, he had manned the hell up. He’d gritted his teeth, grumbled out of the corner of his mouth, and eventually inquired about her looming birthday. Her response, of course, had been less than helpful. She’d crossed her arms in a huff and flicked her blonde head in the opposite direction. He couldn’t see her face, but he heard her loud and clear: “Shikamaru, you idiot. It’s just a birthday. Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?”

Easier said than done, you impossible woman! he thought, shaking his head.

Because what if she was just saying that? What if she wanted the whole dog and pony show and he was just supposed to know? What if she was playing at one of those stupid female mind games?

Even worse, this wasn’t just any birthday. Oh, no. Of course not!

This year, she’d be stuck in Konoha for the next Chunin Exams planning conference—far away from her family and working on official Suna business. On top of that, this would be their first ‘big event’ or ‘anniversary’ or ‘milestone’—or whatever the hell it was birthdays actually were!—since they became a couple. It had only been three months since they’d made it official, …and that feat had been a special sort of excruciating in itself.

At the memory, Shikamaru face-planted into his folded arms, a feeble effort to hide from the lingering embarrassment. Taking her off the market should’ve been the hardest part! How the hell was he supposed to know it only got more confusing from there?

Because what if she really wasn’t big on birthdays? What if he wrecked it by going all out? Did she want it to be just the two of them? Did she want to pretend birthdays didn’t exist?

“Damn it, I’m hopeless with this stuff…” he grumbled into his elbow, before letting out a long groan. “I’m so screwed, I should have just sent word to her brothers and asked!” He felt a drop of sweat bead under his ear and trickle down.

Too late for that now, genius.

But he was a genius, and there had to be a way to not screw this up! He couldn’t afford to, not so early on in the relationship, not when he didn’t have enough—or any—romantic capital stockpiled to make up for it! But no matter how many different scenarios he ran through, they all played out the same way—painfully. He could see it all so clearly:

Temari backhanding him into next week. Temari grabbing him by the collar and chucking him out a window. Temari launching him airborne with a single swish of her fan. Temari summoning Kamatari to bite his ear off.

Damn, his girlfriend was scary. The thought made his frown falter….

That huffy little pout. The way her blonde pigtails bounced when she stomped over to him, her little hands twitching and ready to slap some sense into him. Her eyes getting that scary teal-fire glow…

He sighed and shook his head, utterly defeated.

Damn her, he thought, grinning despite himself. She’s beautiful even when she wants to wring my neck. He sat up to look across the Nara land, noting the sun’s angle in the melting sky.

If he was going to get his teeth kicked in no matter what he did, he might as well try to do something nice for his girl, …right? He seized the moment of motivation, forming an oval with his fingers, and closed his eyes.

Take her at her word and just find a happy medium! he ordered his brain. Surprisingly, the conclusion came to him a moment later: Dinner with the crew. No one hates a dinner party, and everyone loves her. Done. Easy.

Shikamaru let out a satisfied yawn and crossed his arms, pleased to have settled the matter.

Hold up, genius. Her birthday present!

His hands flew back together.

Damn it, jewelry?

No, he’d never seen Temari wear any, and jewelry would probably breach her “big deal” rule.

Chocolate?

No, they were going to a dinner party. Food on food would be stupid, right?

What do you want, woman?? he wondered bleakly. This is worse than getting Naruto and Hinata’s wedding present! He’d be willing to shell out whatever it took if she would just like what he got her….

Losing the iota of motivation he’d mustered, he lowered his head in another trademarked Shika-sigh.

Times like these, he wished Asuma were still around.

He wished the same for his dad, of course…but Shikaku would have just shrugged noncommittally and told him to ask his mother, anyways. He’d already tried that. His mom, however, had been no help at all. All she’d done was gush about how ‘talented’ and ‘lovely’ Temari was until he’d fled the damn house! Like he needed reminding...

But Asuma…

Well, he would have loved Temari, too. But he would’ve had at least something helpful to offer!

Who am I kidding? Shikamaru couldn’t help the chuckle he felt in his chest. Like Asuma had any moves, anyway! Kurenai-sensei just took pity on the guy. He’d just tell me to get Temari flowers, like it was that simple.

Shikamaru sat up straight, struck by the sheer simplicity of it. Maybe it was that easy, maybe Asuma had it right! Flowers wouldn’t be too flashy or too much of “a big deal” or whatever Temari had called it.

Alright, Dad, Asuma-sensei..., he thought with a faint smile, standing to shrug his hands into his pockets. Let’s see if that famous ‘Ino-Shika-Cho teamwork’ can conquer this.

Game-face on, he trudged his way to the Yamanaka Flower Shop.

If he had thought he’d be prepared for Ino’s excitement, he’d have been dead wrong. Of course, he knew Ino better than that.

“So, uh, do you have any, uh…” he trailed off, unable to look her in the eye, feeling his entire body go tomato-red. Clearing his throat, he tried again, but every word combined into one: “DoyouhaveanyflowersfromSuna?”

Somehow, she deciphered the question he’d asked his feet.

“Shikamaru!” she screamed. “I have been waiting for you to drag your lazy ass in here and get her something! You really know how to wait until the last minute, huh?”

He could hear the haughty smirk in her voice.

“But really, Shikamaru, it’s so sweet!” She sighed dreamily. “You and Temari are perfect together…. And flowers from her home country…”

He looked up just in time to see her eyes glassing over as she clutched at her heart.

“Of course we’ll help you!” Abruptly, the honey left her voice and she traded her doe-eyes for her signature scowl. “Right, Choji?” she growled, smacking Choji’s hand as he reached for the last morsel in her bento,

“Y-yeah, Shikamaru!” he piped up, his red hand floundering until it landed on the back of his neck. “We’ve got your back, bud. You know we love Temari.”

Shikamaru felt relief surge through his system: these two would always save his ass.

Not wasting any time, Ino leapt over the counter, apron strings trailing behind her, and bodily dragged Shikamaru after her. Ignoring his grousing, she wound them through the rows of greenery and fragrant blooms until they reached a partitioned-off portion she called “The Suna Section!!”

“We actually have a pretty good variety of desert plants,” she declared proudly, sweeping a hand out before four tables overflowing with vegetation.

As Shikamaru bent his knees and gaped at the selection, his teammate prattled on, getting more excited with every question:

“So what else are you going to do for her birthday? It’s tomorrow, right? When does she arrive?”

Shikamaru knew she needed answers, but all he could do was gawk at the array of…things…in front of him. There were some squat little plants with ungainly, fat leaves…but they were kinda pretty in their own way: the stupid little leaves fanned out like petals, and they came in purple or a greeny-blue. Above those, he was pretty sure he recognized aloe stalks. Then there were a series of lethal- and ugly-looking things—the sort of things Shikamaru was positive would end up impaling him if he dared to present them to Temari. Spiky barbs, serrated leaves, deceptively plushy-looking fluff guaranteed to needle under the skin… There was nothing even remotely attractive about them….

“Helloooo? Shikamaru?” Ino flicked his ear. “Don’t ignore me when I’m trying to save your ass! What are your plans for Temari??”

“Oh,” he jerked his head up to face her. “Uhh…”

Her hands were on her hips, and he’d learned long ago that was never a good sign.

Laughing nervously, he rose. “Heh, I was kinda, ya know, hoping you’d help with that, too, Ino....”

Exasperated, she groaned. “Ugh, remind me to kill you later.”

Waving his hands in placation, he tried, “But you’re so good at this sort of thing!”

She got that creepy feline grin on her face again—the one that meant she saw through his lame ploy, the one that meant she was plotting—and gave him a wink.

“Fine, I’ll bide my time,” she conceded with an innocent smile. “But watch your back, ‘kay?”

Shikamaru shrugged and rubbed at his neck. He’d worry about her vengeance after he solved the birthday equation.

“Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Temari told me not to make a big deal out of it, but I figure I can’t do nothing.”

“Damn straight, Shikamaru.” Ino nodded sagely. “Damn. Straight.”

“So I was thinking just a simple dinner with the usual group…?”

“That’s perfect!” she squealed.

Shikamaru sighed, grateful for Ino’s stamp of approval.

“Casual and low pressure, but it shows that you thought about it and planned ahead. Well...,” Ino paused to throw him a glare, “that you should have planned ahead—but whatever!”

Ino turned on her heel, clearly satisfied with the intel she’d gleaned.

“W-wait! Ino!” Shikamaru had never sounded so desperate in his life. “Hey, c’mon! Don’t leave me with the plants!”

“Oh, calm down,” she smirked from over her shoulder. “Look them over, read the little descriptions, and just choose one you think she’d like! But actually read the tags, Shikamaru. ‘Cause some flowers have special meanings…and some species are poisonous!”

“Poisonous??”

He gaped at her.

Ino giggled at his appalled expression. She was enjoying his pain. So much.

She’d started out the night as his second favorite blonde…but Naruto had just made the leap up to silver.

“You’re a ninja, you can handle a few thorns! …And it’s not like the poisonous ones are fatal or anything.” With that, she was off, sliding open the screen and skipping through the rows and rows of flowers. “Oh, Chooooji!” she sang for the whole shop to hear. “We’re going to make Shikamaru look real good for his girlfriend! You’re in charge of the dinner reservations, and Sai and I will call everyone to get them on board.” She clapped her hands together like she’d never been so delighted in her life.

“How about that place with the little courtyard in the back? Best barbecue pork in town, great for a party!” he heard Choji offer.

Were they inviting all of Konoha to this thing, or were they just aiming for death by embarrassment?

“Oh, perfect! You’re their best customer, they’d totally pull some last-minute strings for you!”

Shikamaru could almost hear her bouncing in excitement. So maybe she was still his second favorite blonde, but did she have to be so loud?

“Shikamaru,” she called on cue, “we’re off to go plan your girlfriend’s party! Just leave the cash on the counter once you decide, my mom will be down in a bit to close up!”

Shikamaru grimaced as the door slammed. Choji wouldn’t let him down, and Ino was undoubtedly his savior…but he didn’t know a damn thing about plants. He didn’t want to know a damn thing about plants. Griping to himself, he knelt before the green things, cautiously shifting a few pots out of the way to see the full assortment, …waiting for a scorpion or something to lunge at him.

“Pick a plant, pick a plant…,” he droned miserably to himself.

Something not-hideous at the back caught his eye. As he reached toward it, the mesh of his sleeve dragged against some spikes. Glancing down at the culprit, he realized it was a furious-looking—yet somehow beautiful—cactus. Complete with a single, white bloom of multilayered petals, it looked rather like someone had glued a lotus to some wild desert thing. The more he looked at it, the wider his grin grew. It was just like Temari—as gorgeous as it was troublesome—and it was like it had chosen him! As he tried to disentangle himself without catching the spines of any other friendly Suna flora, he knocked over the small ‘Hanakotoba’ card in front of it.

My bad, Yamanakas. Like he was going to risk life and limb to pick up a scrap of paper!

But as he rotated his arm to dislodge the thorns from his shirt, he nicked his wrist.

“Damn,” he muttered, finally succeeding in freeing himself. It wasn’t a grumble this time: “Oh, shit!” Is this one of the poisonous ones?!

He extracted the cactus from the deathtrap of a display and snatched up the description tag staked near its base, frantically scanning for the mention of ‘poisonous’ or ‘toxic.’ Thankfully, it just said ‘See reverse for Hanakotoba Symbolism: Saboten’ and listed the care and lighting instructions. Relieved, he backed away with his hard-fought prize.

“’Symbolism’?” he scoffed, tucking the tag back into the pot. “Pffft. Like Temari cares about that!”

Mission completed, he marched triumphantly to the cash register, slammed the appropriate bills down on the counter, tore off several feet too many of red cellophane wrapping, and vowed never to set foot in the “Suna Section!!” again.

Temari was all the desert he needed.

–

Temari’s birthday evening was off to a solid start. She’d arrived safely and seemed genuinely pleased with the dinner party idea.

“So you do pay attention every now and then, huh?” she’d purred, smirking at him. Then her lips had softened. More quietly, she’d said, “It’s just what I wanted. A nice evening with my friends and my idiot boyfriend.” She’d kissed his cheek then.

Blood rushed to his face, pride swelled up in his chest: he hadn’t let her down.

Not yet, at least.

But as he went down the ‘gentleman boyfriend checklist’—a set of rules Ino had long ago hammered into her male teammates’ heads—things seemed to keep going smoothly.

They’d parted ways so she could settle in and clean up after her long trek. He’d meticulously mummified her present in that red florist wrap. And he’d done it in a way that would preserve the flower at the top, protect the recipient from the spines, and lead to easy unveiling. Then he’d shown up on time and remembered to bring the stupid plant, just like Ino had instructed. He was actually feeling pretty proud of himself….

And when she exited her hotel, he’d managed to compliment her with a straight face—no fumbling for words or blushing or inappropriate glances!

“You look amazing, Temari.”

It had been no easy feat, however. Seeing her there in the soft glow of the streetlamps… She’d gotten all dolled up in a jade sundress, simple but stunning against her eyes and sun-kissed skin, clinging to the perfect hourglass of her body.

“And you clean up pretty nice yourself, kid,” she retorted, clearly hoping the jab to his sternum would distract him from her rosy cheeks.

It didn’t.

“Glad you didn’t wear a tie, though, or I’d be underdressed!”

Her dark eyes spotted the bright package resting in the crook of his elbow. She quirked an eyebrow and couldn’t quite keep that half-smile of hers from surfacing.

Her voice dripped of sarcasm as she pointed at it: “Should I be scared?”

“Yes,” he said smugly before offering her his arm, like a gentleman.

Hand in hand, they started off for the restaurant. For once in his life, he stood up straight, rolling his usually-slouched shoulders back. He was escorting a bombshell to dinner, so he should at least try to look the part, right?

Halfway to the restaurant, the wind picked up. Shikamaru mentally crossed ‘chivalry’ off his checklist and shrugged off his blazer to drape over her shoulders. She blushed prettily up at him with a sweet smile on her lips.

Keep it up, Shikamaru, he told himself, grinning down at her, and you might just live to see tomorrow!

At last, that lingering sense of dread was fading, and contentment rose to take its place: if there was something he hadn’t thought of, he was sure Ino and Choji had.

When they walked through the courtyard gate, they were greeted with woops and calls of Happy birthday! Temari squeezed his hand and beamed up at him.

Ino rushed over, towing Sai along by the hand, and kissed Temari on both cheeks. “Happy birthday, Temari! You look beautiful—teal is definitely your color.” Not waiting for a response, she snatched the birthday cactus, wrapped shiny and red, from Shikamaru’s hands and transferred it to Sai, who accepted it with a pleasant smile. “We’ll put this with the others. Now, come on and get something to eat!”

“Okay?” was all Temari had time to manage as Ino dragged her off.

As he and Sai followed Ino under the string lanterns, Shikamaru noted his team’s handiwork.

Choji had been right to choose this venue; it was perfect for a private party: the stars were shining, the moon was bright in the sky, the spread was mouthwatering, the barbecue tables allowed for easy mingling and warmed the cool night air. And the turnout was impeccable, considering the literal last minute notice of it all. Everyonewas there. Then again, he knew better than most just how difficult it was to refuse Ino. No doubt, she had personally corralled any stragglers.

“Shall we get a beer, genius?” Sai offered mildly, placing the cactus with the other gifts.

“Beer?” Shikamaru questioned and followed along. He was no longer fazed by Sai’s odd nicknames, but beer piqued his interest. Temari won’t mind, right? Nobody will go too crazy, …right?

On cue, Kiba and Choji appeared, frothing cups in hand, and regaled him with the tale of their labors:

Like mushers with a sled dog, they’d actually strapped a keg of beer to Akamaru, transformed it to look like a crate of sparkling cider, and casually hauled it through the streets. Clever, convenient, and a party trick in itself—Shikamaru approved, giving them sequential high-fives before raising a glass to his girl across the courtyard.

Ino had led her to a yakitori table, and she was immediately surrounded by some of the world’s finest kunoichis. Hinata and Sakura brought over the grilling meat, Karui—who must have been in town for the conference, too—took care of the veggies, and Tenten delivered the all-important beer. Assorted plates of barbecue fodder and plastic cups before them, they were more than prepared to catch up, drink up, and chow down.

Over the foam of his beer, he couldn’t help but appreciate how she was swimming in the blazer he’d draped over her shoulders.

She gave him a little wave, and that was all the permission he needed to take a hefty swig. Kiba and Choji were the true geniuses, he decided. But it wasn’t just Team 10 and Kiba’s keg: despite the last-second notice, everyone had gone all out for his girl. Thanks to them, this was going better than he could have hoped.

As Temari was chatting with her girlfriends, Shikamaru walked with the beer smugglers towards the central fire pit, where Naruto, Shino, and Lee had set up camp.

“Shikamaru, Sai,” Choji sniggered, pausing before they got into earshot of the others, beckoning them closer conspiratorially. “So we’ve got this thing going.”

“Oooh, I forgot!” Kiba butted in, barking out a laugh. “It’s brilliant.”

“We’re calling it ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game.’”

It was Shikamaru’s turn to snicker. Oh, this was going to be good.

“So every time Naruto says something about Hinata or being married or in love or whatever,” Kiba explained, “you have to take a swig.”

“I like games,” Sai agreed happily.

“Everytime,” Kiba emphasized seriously. “Them’s the rules.”

Any idiot could see this was going to go sideways and fast, but Shikamaru just shook his head and let a stupid grin fall on his face.

–

And sure enough, they all would’ve gotten hammered off Naruto’s marital bliss…if Sai hadn’t eventually asked why Naruto himself wasn’t drinking every time the blonde started mooning over his wife. But as it stood, they were all pleasantly buzzed. Naruto—who was somehow closer to plastered than those actually playing the drinking game—had almost fallen out of his cushioned patio chair when Sai had burst the bubble. Lee had a proposed a toast to “YOOOOUTH…ful love!” and even Shino had chuckled behind his turtleneck.

I’ll have to thank Sai later, Shikamaru thought, chuckling to himself. Could’ve gotten troublesome otherwise.

From there, Shikamaru was content to slowly sip his drink and just enjoy the company. He could see Temari was enjoying herself, she didn’t need him attached to her hip. So he watched the evening play out from his overstuffed armchair, foot occasionally tapping to the summery, chill tunes Lee had put on. Lee, he noted, had really good taste in music.

Two beers later, the mountain of barbecue fare had diminished, the groups had dispersed and mixed, Tenten had changed her camera’s memory card at least twice, and everyone had paid their respects to the guest of honor.

By the time Naruto brought him another sudsy cup, Shikamaru looked up to find his girl standing before him, hands on hips, an eyebrow arched expectantly.

“Didn’t save the birthday girl a seat, huh?” she teased, a faint alcohol flush on her cheeks.

He grinned and patted his thigh. “There’s room for both of us.”

Her mouth fell open.

Oh, shit.

He’d just said that. Out loud. This blew right by simply putting his foot in his mouth! No, she was going to put his foot in his mouth! “Tema, I—“

His jacket flew from her shoulders and hit him square in the face.

Someone gasped from behind him.

‘Liquid courage’? More like ‘liquid stupid’ in my hands!

A punch was sure to follow. He braced for impact.

I should have known I’d find a way to screw up tonight—it was going too perfectly!

A second went by, then another, …but nothing happened. All the warning he had was a sweet smell on the crisp air, and then he felt the weight of something warm and toned on his lap.

Wait, really?!

Stunned out of terror, he yanked the blazer off his head, and, sure enough, there she was. Arms and legs crossed, lips pursed, and blushing like mad—but she was perched on his knee.

A few Awww’s rang out from around them.

It must have been the liquid stupid or maybe their friends’ encouragement, but he decided to push his luck a little further. Flinging his coat out like a matador’s muleta, he let it fall over her legs—he was nowhere near drunk enough to risk revealing a wardrobe malfunction—and he pulled her up into him.

She let out an indignant yelp and flailed in momentary surprise…but she stayed put.

“Idiot,” she grumbled, fidgeting with his blazer blanket.

Yet she rotated in his arms to cuddle into his chest, tucking her legs up under his coat.

“Maybe, but I’m your idiot,” he laughed, tightening his arm around her bare shoulder. Apparently, beer turned him stupid…and really sappy. He was better off changing the subject. “You having fun?”

“Mhhmm.” She nodded against his shirt.

“Good.”

Basking in the glory of success, he ran his hand up and down her bare arm, keeping the chill off, and looked up to the cloudless night. Sitting there with his girl, fighting off a contented yawn, he realized he could get used to this. Maybe ‘Did You Hear Naruto Got Married?’: The Drinking Game’ was catching up to him in more ways than one….

A touch on his chest drew him back to the present.

“Shikamaru,” Temari murmured, tugging shyly at his dress shirt, “This is perfect. Thank you.”

Was she pulling at his shirt or his damn heart?? He could practically see it in her little hands! …And he knew he wasn’t getting it back.

Damn it, why am I so lame tonight??

Smiling despite himself, Shikamaru did the only thing he could: he tilted her chin up, thumb running along her jaw, holding her eyes for just a moment, …and stole a quick kiss.

Woops and catcalls and flashes exploded from all around them.

The hell? he thought, startled out of their kiss.

Temari almost jumped out of her skin when she looked up to see Tenten clicking away on her camera just a few feet away, but Shikamaru only grinned and hauled his girl into place for the picture. He was too damn happy to bother with the awkward, even when he realized all of them must have been watching his every move with Temari, ninjas lying in wait…. He chuckled and released his favorite blonde, who launched herself at Tenten to threaten her into handing over the camera.

“Teten, I swear I’ll—!”

Ino, socialite extraordinaire, stepped out of Sai’s arm to diffuse the situation.

“Presents!” she proclaimed loudly. Since Temari was conveniently already in the center of the party, she added, “Temari, stay right there!”

Ino’s order seemed to have startled the blushing birthday girl into obedience.

“You have to open Shikamaru’s last. Actually, open ours”—with a wink, Ino thumbed at Sai, who waved amiably—“after Shika’s! But the rest can go in any order.”

Tenten took advantage of her proximity. “Me first!” Beaming, she held up her camera. “My gift will be the prints, of course! Temari, they’re so cute, I swear!”

Tenten’s announcement was met with Aww’s…and few knowing smirks. She’d already captured some solid gold, and she was bound to get some more, if Kiba had anything to say about it.

Reluctantly, Temari acquiesced with a shrug, …one corner of her mouth barely rising. “Fine, fine. But for my eyes only.”

Next up was Shino, who emerged…from somewhere…to stand before Temari. He extended a small box.

Shit, it’s probably a live scorpion or something!

Shikamaru leapt from his patio chair, preparing to weave a Shadow Possession and intercept the container. He wasn’t about to let Shino ruin her night with some creepy-crawly thing!

But Temari’s dark eyes glimmered with interest, and she shucked off the brown paper wrapping before Shikamaru could act.

Damn it, too late!

But to his surprise, she gave Shino a broad smile.

“Antheraea yamamai,” he declared proudly, erudite.

The evening crickets chirped their entomological approval…but no one else made a peep.

“Shino, c’mon, man!” Naruto whined good-naturedly, arm looped around Hinata. “Translate!”

“A silk moth,” he sniffed, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. “It perished naturally, so there is no harm in appreciating its beauty behind glass.”

It was then Shikamaru realized that his desert girl wouldn’t have been fazed by a damn scorpion—or any other of Shino’s insects, probably—in the slightest. He rubbed the back of his neck and tried feebly to make like he’d lurched up for some reason other than saving Temari…from a bug.

“It’s lovely, Shino,” Temari said, holding up glass-top box for everyone to see her moth’s impressive wingspan. “Thank you.”

Sitting back down, Shikamaru had to admit it was pretty classy gift. Maybe I’ll go to Shino for next year….

From there, Kiba and Choji took credit for the ‘Konoha hospitality’—the keg—and Choji dragged Karui out by the hand.

“She made a chocolate cake for everyone! Trust me, you’re gonna love it. Sooo let’s hurry up with the presents, guys!”

“Yeah, his ‘taste test’ left me just enough batter for the cake!” Karui grinned and poked her boyfriend in the stomach.

Hinata rose to offer Temari a book on Konoha’s history and customs, stating with a smile, “From Naruto and me. Since, umm, your work brings you here so often, we hope Konoha becomes your home away from home.”

“’Home away from home,’ huh...?” Temari flipped through it with a sly smirk. “Thanks, Uzumakis.”

Shikamaru felt like he was missing something, but he wasn’t about that troublesome life.

“You’re already wearing my gift!” Sakura yelled from her post near Akamaru, sending over a wolf-whistle.

So that’s where she got the dress. If Shikamaru had been wearing a hat, he would’ve tipped it to Sakura; he made do with a grateful nod. Might have to send a thank-you note for the first and only time in my life…. He smirked.

“My gift will compliment Sakura’s!” Lee shouted with a thumbs-up, tossing her a small package. “What luck!”

A moment later, Temari held up a pair...of violet legwarmers.

Somehow, she managed to keep a straight face—even as Lee lifted his pant leg in a wild kick to demonstrate just how versatile a garment legwarmers were—and thanked him, placing them with the rest of her bounty.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, had to pretend he’d choked on a nonexistent bite of beef. Tenten gave him a solid thwack on the back, but the reproachful look on her face told him she wasn’t particularly concerned about food being lodged in his throat....

But he's wearing legwarmers under slacks, Tenten! Shikamaru pled silently.

Temari’s words, however, dissipated Tenten’s glare.

“Everyone, thank you.” Temari was looking down, suddenly shy again. “I’m really… I’m feeling the Konoha Hospitality, I guess!”

His girl looked so happy, just in time to unveil the cactus.

Choji was closest to the bench where Sai had left it. “I got it, Shikamaru,” he said and set it on the yakitori table nearest the birthday girl.

Temari raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, fiddling with the note he’d slipped between the twine, but he just shrugged with a grin. She seemed so pleased with the rest of the night, it probably didn’t matter if his stupid plant didn’t wow her like Shino’s moth had.

“Read the card!” Naruto shouted, another beer in hand.

Shit.

He’d forgotten about that. And how was Naruto still observant with all the alcohol he’d knocked back?

“Uh, maybe not?” Shikamaru tried sheepishly.

Ino had told him to, but nobody else had gotten her a card. On top of that, she’d told him it would be ‘so, so, sooo cute’ to use a ‘term of endearment’ in it. Shikamaru grimaced. He hadn’t exactly planned on everyone hearing it...but maybe it wasn’t a big deal. They were at that point in their relationship, right? It wasn’t weird to call her a petname after a few months, right??

“Read iiiiiit!” Naruto bellowed.

“Alright, alright,” Temari laughed, either not hearing or simply ignoring Shikamaru. “Pipe down, blondie!” She cleared her throat and opened the simple Nara stationary. “’Happy birthday, babe!’” she quoted, smirking around babe. “’I’m a lucky man to have you in my life.’”

Hoots and Awwww’s echoed through the assembled ninja. A peach flush coloring her high cheekbones, his girl blew him a kiss with a wink. Lee clapped him on the back and sparkled a thumbs-up at him.

Shikamaru definitely hadn’t imagined Babe trying out her new petname…on herself—his ears were still burning to prove it—but he nodded in calculated appreciation:

Temari and the girls approved, and the guys were having fun with it. At his expense, sure, but fun nonetheless. He let out a sigh. Even if her brothers couldn’t be there, even if she was in town for work, even if he’d put it all off until the last possible moment… Temari was laughing and surrounded by friends. Was it too early to call the night a success?

Well played, Shikamaru. Best boyfriend ever, he congratulated himself with another satisfied nod and a swig of beer. “Careful unwrapping it, babe!” he called, letting out a smug chuckle after babe. He liked the sound of it.

She untied the twine holding the florist wrap together, peeled back the ruby plastic he’d so carefully arranged to spare her skin, and revealed the pretty plant he’d picked out just for her.

He swished his beer and waited for the sort of reactions all the other gifts had gotten.

But there were no girlish giggles, no excited coos. Even the legwarmers had gotten a warm reception, …but his plant couldn’t even get a cricket chirp?

And Temari… She was just staring down at the cactus, ominous in her silence. Her bangs were hiding her eyes; he couldn’t see her face.

Doesn’t she like it? he wondered nervously.

Then, all at once, static surprise gave way to dynamic reaction: Hinata fainted against Naruto with a squeak, her face beet-red. Sakura’s mouth fell open, and a The hell? slipped out. Karui was alternating between coughing up the drink she’d just inhaled…and snickering as Choji patted her back.

“Hina!” Naruto wailed, cradling his passed-out wife.

What’s happening?! Why are the girls freaking out, and why are they looking at the plant like that?? Shikamaru’s eyes narrowed as he tried to puzzle it out through the alcohol haze. Temari’s skin was turning pink! Oh, no! Was it poisonous?! He sprang up, ready to slap the offending thing out of her hands. No, wait. I would have felt it earlier, and I checked the tag!

“Tem…ari?” he tried, no hint of smugness left in his voice. Sweat was pooling between his shoulder blades.

Temari didn’t respond, still gaping down at the prickly plant.

Where the hell had Ino gone?? She’d know what was happening, and she’d tell him!

By then, Kiba had eagerly sidled up to a cherry-red Sakura for an explanation. Shouldering his wife’s limp form, Naruto hurried to follow suit.

To his left, Tenten was pink in the ears, trying and failing to stifle her giggles with her hand while Lee begged her for enlightenment.

As he tried to shake the truth out of his teammate, Lee voiced what every male in the place was wondering: “What!”—shake—“Is!”—shake—“Happening!” Shake.

The brunette only laughed harder.

Damn it! What is it?!

Sakura, however, finally found the words to describe the indescribable. Once the breathless secret left her sniggering lips and hit their eager ears, Kiba howled, a wolf at the moon, and Naruto boomed a guffaw, nearly losing his grip on Hinata.

What? No! It was a thoughtful gift—even Ino said so!!

He felt panic welling up in the pit of his stomach as his fingers dug into the wood of the nearest table.

What. The. Hell. Everything was perfect until the girls saw the stupid cactus!

Akamaru joined Naruto and Kiba’s barks of amusement.

Et tu, Akamaru? he thought dismally.

Without a word, a glance, or a discernable emotion, …Temari grabbed the nearest beer and sank it, downing it in one go.

Oh, no.

He didn’t need to be a ninja to sense the danger in the air.

Though on opposing sides of the courtyard, Sakura and Karui gave into fits of uncontrollable mirth at the same time, well past words.

Damn it, no help there. This is bad. This is so bad!

He turned to Choji, who—judging by the tears streaming down his face—had clearly been filled in by his girlfriend. …Yet all Choji could manage was to mouth Dude! through hoots.

Some ‘best friend’ you are!

Shikamaru gritted his teeth, nerves eating away at his composure.

“Guys, come on,” he begged.

At his pitiful plea, Kiba fell to the ground, gasping and rolling in delight. Naruto, on the other hand, retained just enough self-control to recline his fainted wife safely against Akamaru…before he completely lost it and doubled over with Kiba.

“Shika—haha! …Shikamaru!” Kiba rasped out from the grass. “You-you—haha!”

Spit it out, man, jeez!

Since breathing was too much for Kiba and Naruto, Shikamaru turned to Shino, who only shook his head and shrugged, sunglasses glinting in the lantern light. Beyond desperate now, Shikamaru turned to Sai, who just smiled placidly, happy to see his friends enjoying a joke…even if it flew miles above his head.

Temari’s hands clenched into tight little fists of rage, snapping the emptied plastic cup in half.

What did I do?!

“Beautiful!” Sai cheerfully announced Ino’s return, pulling out her chair.

Shikamaru did a full 360 and finally found the person who could clue him in. Lips freshly glossed, she must have just come back from the bathroom inside.

As Ino’s blue eyes scanned the scene, all she could manage was: “What…the hell?”

“Ino—somebody—please just tell me what I did!” Shikamaru shouted, nearing his wit’s end. But his request only sent a fresh wave of hysterics through the party.

At last, Ino was by his side, yanking him to her by the ear. “Shikamaru!” she screeched in a pitch high enough to shatter both eardrums and glass. “I told you to read the descriptions on the plants, you idiot!” she hissed through clenched, white teeth.

“But it’s not poisonous, I checked!” Shikamaru defended weakly.

At that moment, another woman recovered her verbal faculties.

It was Temari, growling low and fearsome: “Shikamaru…”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

“Hanakotoba, moron! I told you some flowers have special meanings!” Ino ground out mournfully. “It says it right there on the tag.”

“Says what?!” Shikamaru demanded in a moan, drowning in trepidation.

He heard a sudden clickclickclick and dimly realized Tenten had recovered enough to start snapping photos through the giggles, forever preserving his abject horror. To her side, Lee’s complexion had changed to match the green of his dress shirt, clearly informed and clearly scandalized.

“It’s a plant! What the hell can it ‘say’ that’s so terrible?!”

It was then that Sakura regained the ability to string together a sentence: “Shikamaru, you-you gave her a—!”

Kiba’s snort from the ground, however, cut her off and sent her stumbling back into giggles.

So Kiba took it upon himself to fill in the blank, a roar of rapturous merriment:

“A sex cactus!” He choked on another howl of laughter, eyes tearing up in sheer joy, unable to believe the words as they left his mouth. “Y-you gave her a fucking sex cactus, man!” he wheezed.

Convulsions took him once more, his fists beating the blameless grass flat.

“The fuck?” Shikamaru breathed, brain backflipping in despair.

Someone must have spiked the beer, he was tripping. That was the only explanation for what he’d just witnessed.

“Damn it, Shikamaru!” Naruto yowled before joining Kiba in breathless grass-slapping. “At her birthday party, too?! She’s…she’s going to end you, bro!”

Shikamaru couldn’t take it anymore. High or not, this obviously wasn’t something he was capable of decoding! He lunged at Ino, hands grasping her shoulders like a lifeline.

“Ino, please!”

She shook her head sorrowfully. “Saboten, flowering cacti, are given as sexual gestures! Like, with that”—pointing with one hand, she squished up his cheeks in the other to wrench his head back toward Temari…and the obscene cactus—“you’re telling Temari—and anyone here with eyes and half a brain!—that you want her.”

“Whuh? Nwoh!” Even with Ino’s fingers distorting his words, he could hear the shrill of panic in them.

Ino released his face to massage her brow, wholly disappointed in his stupidity.

No longer obstructed, his voice was no less hysterical: “But that’s not a thing! How can that be a thing if only girls know about it?!”

Another reverberation of laughter.

Ino just groaned and face-palmed.

Shikamaru dared to glance back at Temari’s face, imploring. “Tema… I… I…!”

He couldn’t make the words happen. What could he say to erase a screw-up of these proportions?! They’d only been together for a few months—a few long-distance months! They hadn’t had the chance to get anywhere close to sex—they hadn’t even made out yet! Tonight had been the most physical they’d ever been!!

And I just propositioned her…for birthday sex…with a cactus…in front of half the village?!

His fingers rose to rake at his scalp, eyes widening in true realization.

“Oh,” Temari began darkly, taking a predatory step toward him, fingers tightening around the rim of the vulgar cactus’s pot, “it’s a thing, babe.”

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

Oh no.

There was fury flaming in her eyes.

Oh no.

He felt his stomach fall through the earth’s crust: she picked up the indecent cactus.

Oh no!

He felt his stomach hit the earth’s core and combust: she was coming at him with the cactus.

OH NO.

This was it. He was a dead man. He was going to die a virgin…because his girlfriend was going to eviscerate him with a plant. A spiky, evil plant.

But then another thought hit him. A thought even more horrific than the obituary reading, ‘Cause of death: proposition by cactus’:

She’s going to break up with me—she’s never going to speak to me again!

Just then, Ino bravely flung herself between him and the wrath of his sex-cactus-wielding girlfriend.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, Temari! Your boyfriend’s just a moron and didn’t”—she turned to give him the full force of her glare—“read the damn tags like I told him to, so he had no idea! He just wanted to give you something pretty from Suna, you know, to be sweet. Since you had to spend your birthday away from home and all.”

Temari’s glower softened, but only slightly, the sex cactus still firmly in her grasp.

Laughing to herself, Ino continued in practiced sarcasm: “Of course, I figured he’d get you a tiny desert rose or a little echeveria. You know, something you could actually take with you after the conference.” She turned to scowl at Shikamaru again. “I mean, really. You expect her to take a cactus with her on the three-day hike back to Suna?”

Shikamaru moaned, the heat of shame was melting him into the grass. “Temari, I’m so so—“

Realizing she had accidentally fanned the flames, Ino cut him off: “I know! Why don’t you open your present from Sai and me? I can guarantee it’s better than Shikamaru’s.” She chirped out cheerfully, “Sai, darling!”

Sai materialized from the darkness, gift bag in hand, and smiled serenely.

“Happy birthday, Temari!” he remarked and extended the bag, blissfully unaware of the murderous tension surrounding him.

Slightly stupefied, Temari lowered the x-rated cactus to the table at her side, and Shikamaru let out a quiet, shaky breath.

Ino, grab it while you can! He glanced frantically at his teammate, begging her to hear his thoughts, but she was focused on Temari.

Peering around Ino, he could see Temari raise an eyebrow.

As she accepted the proffered gift bag and parted the tissue paper, revulsion spread across her face. “Another one?!” She dropped the bag to the table with the rejected, dirty cactus in a heavy thud.

Ino, what the hell?!

“No, no…” Ino grinned, eyes twinkling gleefully back at Shikamaru. “You see, this isn’t traditional hanakotoba….”

Genius intellect or not, this was beyond Shikamaru’s understanding. How could he have foreseen any of this? All he knew was it was a miracle that he didn’t have a hundred new piercings to accent the ones in his ears. Hell, it was miraculous he still had a head on his shoulders! No... The true wonder was that Temari hadn’t shouted “We’re done!” and stormed off ages ago. He’d rather Temari skewer him with the stupid, debauched cactus and throw him on the yakitori….

Curiosity got the better of her, and Temari reached in. She slowly, gingerly retracted her hand, revealing something green and plant-y.

What is that thing?

Between Temari’s forefinger and thumb hung a frilled stalk of leaves…attached to a spiked, oblong fruit. She lifted her prize for all to see.

Ire and mortification forgotten—perhaps replaced with utter confusion—his girl’s black-emerald eyes met Ino’s.

“And what, exactly, are you trying to say with a pineapple?”

The question was saturated in sarcasm, but Shikamaru detected the slightest hint of playfulness coloring Temari’s words. He felt his lifespan slowly extending, not even noticing as Ino attained the sweet vengeance she’d promised….

“Oh, it’s simple…. Don’t you see it?” Ino waved a dainty hand, only just able maintain her casual façade, brimming with barely suppressed anticipation. “It’s Shikamaru, of course!”

It took only a second for the joke to hit, before the outburst of obnoxious, tipsy titters echoed through the night.

Ino nodded to herself, clearly satisfied with her delivery.

A fruit? Shikamaru thought dumbly, genius brain fogged with beer and total humiliation. She named a fruit after me?

“It-it’s perfect!” Naruto choked out from the lawn. He ripped up a handful of grass—dirt clods, roots, and all—and held it to Kiba’s head, miming...a ponytail.

Then a sidesplitting cackle rang out over the din. It was Shino, he’d finally cracked.

I am…a pineapple?

If Shikamaru had any blood left elsewhere in his circulatory system, it joined the rest in his face then.

Temari bit down on her lip, face twitching slightly. She closed one eye and slowly raised the fruit until it was perfectly parallel with her distraught boyfriend…and his pineapple-shaped head. Her teeth sunk in further. Her hand quaked, ...then her whole body.

Aliens had failed to kill Naruto, …yet Shikamaru was beginning to think the Child of Prophecy would laugh himself to death before the night was over.

“I chose a really green one, so it should be perfectly ripe by the time you have to head home,” Ino piped with yet another wink. “Figured a memento would keep you from missing him too much on the road!”

That was it. It finally happened.

Temari laughed.

And it wasn’t a snigger or a chuckle. Oh, no. It was a full-blown belly laugh. It bent her spine and sent the Shikafruit bouncing to the ground.

“Careful, you’re going to bruise him!” Choji roared, fueling the chorus of guffaws.

Shikamaru was too relieved to notice the embarrassment. Temari was laughing, and she couldn’t hate him if she was laughing! Hell, he’d answer to ‘Kiwi’ if that meant she’d forgive him! The corners of his lips started to turn upward.

From the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could see Lee was crying tears of youthful jubilation, and Hinata had finally awoken to Akamaru licking her face, blinking slowly.

About damn time for someone else to be the clueless one, he thought dimly.

Temari straightened halfway and wiped at her eyes, gasping out, “G-get over here, idiot!”

Shikamaru had already accepted that he had no retort, no defense. It was probably better to just get it over with, so he did as she commanded and loped over.

“Temari, I’m so sorry! I—“

She slapped him upside the head, latched onto his collar, yanked him close…and kissed him.

He had not seen that coming. He’d expected—at minimum—a bloody nose or Kamatari to join the party…. But this…

Just as he realized what was happening, just as his hands rose to cup her face, …she leaned back.

“No more plants,” she deadpanned under the catcalls, fingers tightening menacingly in his shirt, ocean-blue eyes glaring up into his.

“Never again,” he vowed in a murmur, trailing a set of knuckles down her flushed neck.

“Good!” she huffed, releasing him and swatting his hands off her skin. “Now hand me my pineapple.”

Finally, it was Shikamaru’s turn to laugh: “Yes, ma’am!”

Shaking his head, he stooped to retrieve his stand-in. Troublesome woman… he thought, placing it in her expectant hands.

He realized then that they were standing in the middle of the uproarious group—they were the literal center of attention—and he decided to give in to the liquid stupid just one more time.

“Alright,” he grumbled, face caught between a frown and a smirk, “you’re coming with me.” It’s not like I can get into any more trouble, right? I mean, I set the bar pretty damn high….

Before she knew what was happening, he had her scooped up in his arms, stupid pineapple and all. Careful to hold the hem of her dress in place, he carried his indignant girlfriend back to the abandoned armchair and sank into it.

Temari punched him in the shoulder but couldn’t keep a scowl in place…and collapsed into giggles.

“Okay, show’s over, folks! Someone cut the damn cake!” he announced, leaning one elbow against the armrest and finally allowing himself the solace of a nice face-palm. There was only so much humiliation a guy could take in one night, and he was never going to live this down—this was the stuff of legend around here!

Once she caught her breath, his girl scooted herself from his lap and up to the open armrest. Reclining against the backrest, she crossed her legs...and extended them to the opposite side, one foot dangling.

Peeking out between his fingers, there was a mile and a half of leg stretched out before him….

NopeNopeNope! he chided. Look alive, idiot! You’re living on borrowed time as it is!

He jerked his chin up…and found her smiling wickedly down at him.

It was a devious purr: “Attaboy…”

Fear slapped his face the in the opposite direction, eyes wide and cheeks flaming.

ShitShitShit!

“Birthday girl needs some cake, I said!” he crowed to no one and everyone.

“Chill, Shikamaru,” Ino teased, already on the move. “We’re on it.”

Temari flicked his ear but draped her arm over his shoulders. “What am I going to do with you?”

Moping and mortified, Shikamaru’s right hand returned to shield his burning face, while his left slid around Temari’s waist.

Then—as if the heavens had decided to prove to Shikamaru he wasn’t the only one capable of humiliating himself that night!—Sai opened his mouth:

“Beautiful,” Sai inquired of the woman in charge of dessert, “when would you like a cactus? Perhaps there’s a hanakotoba book you c—”

“Oh, Sai…” Ino groaned, flushing crimson, and pulled his wrist.

Shikamaru allowed himself one snicker, but just one. He figured suffering through her stupid pineapple revenge had earned him that much.

“We’ll talk about this later, handsome,” Ino assured, kissing Sai’s palm. “Now let’s shut them up with sugar before some other calamity happens out here!”

Then, only a few steps closer to Karui and the cake, she grumbled, “Well, your odds are a hell of a lot better than Shikamaru’s are right now….”

“Okay!” Sai concurred agreeably.

Temari’s laughter vibrated through her body directly into his.

Yup, Shikamaru concluded, the universe definitely had it out for him….

As he tried to disappear into the cushions, he heard something interesting off to the side.

“Hey, future hokage,” Sakura started, offering Naruto a hand off the ground. “Do you believe me now?”

The terrifying look in her seafoam eyes, the sarcasm in her voice—maybe the universe had moved on to another target, after all!

“Believe what, Sakura-chan?” Naruto squeaked out, one hand trapped in her vicelike grip, the other scratching nervously at his head.

“Wasn’t I just saying the Academy needs to teach cultural practices—like hanakotoba!—to all students, not just the future-kunoichis? Just think, we could have avoided this whole idiotic display…if”—her eyes blazed dangerously, her deathgrip tightened—“the curriculum were...corrected.”

Sheepishly, Shikamaru’s third favorite blonde gave the only response he could:

“You right.”

Against his better judgement, Shikamaru decided to run with Sakura’s reasoning, pivoting his head towards his girl with a smirk.

“See, Temari? It’s not my fa—“

Another slap upside the head cut him off. “Don’t even try, pineapple,” she scoffed.

Birthdays, women… They were all so troublesome.

...But maybe he liked a little trouble?

–

The Chunin Exams were planned, the conference was over, the sun was only just starting to rise…and Temari was standing at the village gate, about to depart for Suna.

“Guess you’re gonna tell the kazekage and Kankuro about your birthday, huh?” Shikamaru asked, hands stuffed in his pockets, absently kicking at a rock.

The days after her dinner party had gone by smoothly and without incident, but now that she was leaving….

“What, and start an international incident? Nah.” She winked. “They’re definitely getting a slice of Ino’s pineapple, though—don’t get too many of these babies in the desert!” Grinning wide, she patted the bottom of her overstuffed backpack. “Besides…” She lowered her voice, narrowed her eyes, “I’m sure they’ll hear all about your exploits soon enough on their own.” She shrugged theatrically. “Shame your present couldn’t travel, huh? Then I could’ve shown them how it all began….”

“Yeah, yeah…” Shikamaru pouted and scratched the back of his head, knowing he’d be catching shit for her birthday for the next decade or two. From Temari, from Konoha, from Suna… Hell, even from Kumo since Karui was there!

“Oh, don’t be such a baby! And speaking of my present... It better still be alive the next time I’m in town!” she snarked. “Anyways, I’ve got something to show you before I hit the road.”

She smiled that wicked smile of hers as the ascent of the morning sun cast a golden halo around her face. It made for a surreal combination….

“Tenten brought you the prints, didn’t she?” he groaned, throwing out an unimpressed hand. Why, Tenten, why?

“Sharp as ever.”

She withdrew a thick envelope from her weapons pouch and slapped the first two rectangles into his hand, one on top of the other.

“We don’t have time to go through all of them—whether you like it or not, we’re going to someday!—but these two are my favorites.”

Of course she’d organized them by favorites. No doubt, in order of how stupid he looked. Grudgingly, Shikamaru looked down. There was no point trying to avoid it, no matter how much he might have wished to forgo reliving his disgrace….

“First, we have the ‘Before.’ Like Tenten’s caption?”

Shikamaru had to smirk, he couldn’t help it. The ‘Before’ showed him grinning big with his arms wrapped securely around a pink and pouting Temari. Her tanned legs were tangled up in his blazer as she fought to escape his grip…and destroy the camera.

Beautiful, he thought, and deadly.

Underneath the photo, Tenten’s neat handwriting read:

‘Yeah, I’m the man.’

Shikamaru nodded in appreciation. He had to agree with Tenten’s assessment: he sure as hell looked the part. He slid an arm around Temari’s shoulders and leaned in to admire his handiwork. Even knowing what the next picture would show, he had to tease her: “Look what one little kiss did to you, you’re all flustered and sulky!”

Not even bothering to glare at him, she deadpanned: “You know you’re about to eat those words, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, sullen again. “I know….”

“Let’s take a look at the ‘Post-Cactus’ photo, shall we?”

Gleefully, she brought forth the monument to his eternal shame.

He wasn’t mentally prepared to look at the actual image yet, so his eyes fell on Tenten’s caption:

‘The Queen and her Pineapples’

Yup, he conceded, that sounds about right.

“So what do you think, Shikamaru?” she goaded, looking up at him so sweetly. “Personally, I think it might be Tenten’s magnum opus. I just don’t think she can top it!”

Oh, grow a pair, he scolded himself.

Grumbling and fighting off a blush, he finally looked at the image. They were in that armchair again but…

Whoa.

Temari looked like a goddess gracing a mortal with her presence. She was smiling triumphantly in the firelight, showing off her perfect teeth. Perched elegantly on the armrest, she had her long legs crossed demurely.…

Hello.

And he’d thought they’d looked good in the first photo! He was afraid she’d somehow catch him staring like a perv, so he tore his eyes away and finally faced the first jab to his ego. Temari had one hand proudly supporting that menace of a cactus in her lap. The second jab, of course, was dangling the damned pineapple above his hunched shoulder…for comparison.

He sighed. She looked amazing…and then there was him.

He, a mere mortal, was slouched over, hiding his red face in his hand. Though only a grimace and a single eye were visible, it was more than clear he was glowering at his fruit look-alike.

He’d seen enough. He closed his eyes, shaking his head with a reluctant grin.

If I didn’t have that arm around her, I’d look one-hundred percent whipped…instead of, ya know, just ninety….

He reopened his eyes at the sound of Temari’s voice.

“I almost forgot. Tenten left a little note with the pictures,” Temari went on, voice noticeably softer.

Evidently, she’d decided she’d tortured him enough for one trip.

“Look, everyone signed it.”

She withdrew a slip of paper from the envelope and unfolded it for his eyes:

‘We’re all so sorry about the other night, Temari! We weren’t laughing at you, just at your boo! You guys are ~perfect~ together and all of us ship you so much!! Please don’t be mad. We love you. Come back soon.’

Smiling faintly, she carefully folded it up, slipped it in the envelope, and stowed it safely in her pouch.

Shikamaru rubbed her shoulder, unsure of what to say.

Even though they literally cackled at his misery…documented it in photos…and would never, ever let him forget it… He had the best friends around.

And they’d become her friends, too.

Damn it, she’s turning me into such a sap!

As if on cue, it finally hit him:

There was no way all their friends just happened to have Temari’s birthday off! And the gifts they’d supposedly gotten or baked or whatever with one day’s notice…!

Ino and Choji… He shook his head with a grin. And probably Sakura, too.

They must have known he’d eventually get his act together and had just planned around it!

“Anyways,” Temari continued, “those two are for you to keep, but don’t worry: I have my own copies.” She snatched the pictures from his hand and slowly unzipped his vest. Slipping them into the mesh of his undershirt, she whispered, “Keep these close to your heart, babe.” She gave his chest a firm pat, clearly recalling how much she loved to torture him.

He was the least manly shade of magenta, he was sure of it. Troublesome woman…

Noting the sun’s position in the sky, she sighed, resigned, and looked away. “I have to get going.”

“Yeah, okay,” he frowned.

One week was only enough to make him miss her. At least they’d both be in Suna at the same time next month.

“But before I go, I have a favor to ask, Shikamaru….”

Her voice had brightened, it sounded…dangerous. Her stormy-hued eyes were wide with contrived innocence, looking up at him so fondly.

Shikamaru stiffened. He knew the signs, he just didn’t know what was coming.

Temari leaned into him. Standing on pointed toes to reach his ear, as if to whisper sweet-nothings, she placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Kill my sex cactus,” she threatened in a honeyed coo, “and I’ll kill you.” With a firm pat on the cheek and a kiss on his lips, she turned on her heel. “Bye, boyfriend!”

As his hand rose to where hers had been, as he watched her stride off toward the desert, a chill ran down his spine.

Damn, his girlfriend was scary.

Birthdays, man! So troublesome! ;)

🌵 Sooo this was my first time writing Temari or Shikamaru...or ShikaTema...ever! And fluff is new for me, since my default setting is dark and twisty…. I blame the sangria that 💯 fueled this marathon of a speedwrite. 🍷

🌵 I tried really hard to do them justice, and I hope this turned out okay!! If you liked it please let me know! ‘Cause that reblog / comment button is actually the “validate button.” ♥ Thank you for reading.

🌵 I hope to write a very NSFW continuation of this, also for Temari Week / Month. Let’s just say Shika manages not to kill the birthday sex cactus.... 🎂

🌵 Might continue this fic if there's interest! Beyond the smutty/fluffy Part II, mean. I do have several ideas! Might also be tempted into a possible SaiIno spinoff...?

🌵 Find my other fics on FF.net here; I write mainly SasuSaku + ItaSaku.

🍍 Shout out to @toondoon1010, @angrypisces, @thepiestperson for their support! Thanks, guys! ♥

–

XOXO

Endoh

🌵🍍🌵 UPDATE 11/16/18: NSFW SEQUEL COMING FOR SHIKAMARU WEEK 2019! 🌵🍍🌵

110 notes · View notes

cutiecrates · 6 years

Text

Cutie Reviews: Yume Twins Sept 18

It’s been about 3 months since my last Yume Twins review.... it feels so weird! But to be fair that wouldn’t have happened if Tumblr didn’t act weird for a month, it really put me behind.

Although I did hesitate a little now and then, and video games, new manga, anime...

Anyway! Here we are :3 Let’s go!

This months theme: Staycation!

Have you ever suddenly decided that you wanted to go on a vacation, but couldn’t find the time to go out of the country or even far from your own town? In Japan, this happens quite a lot so we thought, “Hey, Let’s curate a box hat can help out others who ave this issue too!” Inspired by this, we decided to make September’s Staycation box! In this box you can find a variety of items that will help you when you go out on a trip, whether it is just a weekend or a week away! We hope that with this month’s box you can feel motivated to go on your own staycation and enjoy a nice, kawaii weekend away somewhere, even if it is close by your home!

Content

For this month subscribers were asked to take a photo using the included eco bag. First place not only won the big pikachu bag, but a fold-able umbrella and free 3 month subscription. Runners-up received a Pokemon mug and free 1 month subscription.

Yume Prize

This month the prize included the recently ended Pretty Cure series, Cardcaptor, and Little Twin Star.

I really really really really REALLY wish I would have gotten this one, I love Pretty Cure; especially the irresistibly precious Cure Yell plush~♥

Besides these, the book also featured a page on Pikachu, the Hello Kitty made-over Shinkansen/bullet train (a promotional event only lasting 3 months), and the art corner featured some cute bento.

With that let’s get on with the review!

Onsen Bird Plushy

An onsen is a natural Japanese hot spring, and a popular spot to visit during vacations or holiday break to stay overnight, or even just for a day to unwind after a busy school or work week.

These cute little birdies are preparing for their own onsen visit by the lovely sakura trees. There is six in total, and we’ve seen these little birdies before. This time I got the cockatail? Or maybe it’s a parakeet?

Anyway it’s different than last time. I still really want the cute pink birdie though~

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

It’s a nice quality plush, it has a “bean bag butt“ and the rest is super soft stuffing. The outside fabric feels nice, but I noticed mine has a lot of loose glue strands where the felt pieces (flower, feet) were applied. I also found some random loose strings sticking out of it in various places. Mine also has a permanently re-positioned beak (I don’t remember how it came though, so...).

But I will say that the detailing on it is nice regardless of that, especially the clean onsen symbol on its butt. I can clearly tell it’s a bird, and I like the little additional features.

Sanrio Eco Bag

Next up is a fun, re-usable item. An Eco Bag is perfect for those last-second shopping trips, or you could even use them for your Staycation plans!

Not only that, but the material means they can easily be cleaned up if you were to spill something on them, and they would be perfectly fine to use in bad weather and can hold a good amount of weight.

There are six available in 2 different styles of either My Melody or Little Twin Stars, in 3 alternate colors. They all come in small bags to carry them around in for easier storage, making them great to put in the car or purse.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I really like using these types of bags due to how useful they are. I have a couple already, which comes in handy because like other bags, they can only hold so much- but they’re all really cute and fun too! They add a touch of cuteness to shopping.

I especially like this pastel series with vibrant accents we got in this box because it stands out greatly against my other ones and it’s perfect for spring- in fact I used this one today and it really stood out against the cloudy weather, and the car. If you’ve never tried one out before I would recommend buying one sometime.

Tsum Tsum Tumbler

Next up is a tumbler, a good item to have on hand during a long trip for storing a drink you can travel with. There were 3 available designs, all featuring a colorful cast of adorable tsum tsum~

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I adore Tsum Tsum/Disney, especially when I can find my favorite characters on them, and watching them swim around in the drink is equally cute. My only issue (and this is me nitpicking a feature, there’s nothing wrong with the tumbler) is that there isn’t a built mouth piece. I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but I end up spilling my drink/missing my mouth when it has such a hide mouth like these do <3<”

Character Toothbrush Kit

Our next item is essential for travel and overnight trips, a toothbrush! Not only that, but it comes in it’s own handy rinse cup!

These were available in 2 styles, including this yellow-chartreuse one (that matches the totoro cup I got months back), and a dark mauve hello kitty one.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I’ve already gotten 2 types of these before, but this is the first one I got in this shape. I love it! It looks like an actual cup, and it looks so smooth. I also like the hole of the toothbrush, although I don’t entirely know what it or the little notches are for...

Oh, oh! And the base/clear part even has a flattened bottom so it stands! My other two didn’t have that. The only thing is, this one doesn’t provide a toothpaste- which the other two did. So it’s sort of like a trade off. But if you have your own toothpaste I would recommend this type over the other style.

Marumofubiyori Sticky Notes

Next is this cute stationery item perfect for every day occasion, not just a trip. Although you could use them to mark and organize your things. Besides the 8 different styles seen here, each sticky note includes about 14-15 sheets! So these will go a long way.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

These appear pretty frequently in my boxes, but I think this set might be my favorite on cuteness factor alone. Otherwise they’re just like any other ones I got.

Cute Zipper Bags

This is our final item, a 4 set of kawaii zipper bags themed after jars featuring a variety of characters ranging from Sanrio, to Pokemon, Doraemon, and a cute bear character I’m not familiar with...

Anyway, the bags are very cute. Not only would they make for great snack bags you can carry around with you, but they could also be used as little gift bags or just to hold some little items and decorate with.

I got the My Melody one, and you’re wondering what it says, it reads:

New places give me the jitters but I must go. Such a wonderful world awaits!

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I think the set I got is really cute, and I love the quote on it. I think it fits me really well as a person too, because I tend to get anxious and stressed out when I’m out in public, and new places make me feel nervous. But I love getting to go out and exploring, and enjoy things outdoors~

I also like how sturdy the bags feel, and they’re sealed really well.

♡ Cutie Ranking ♡

Content - 4 out of 5. I liked the items well enough, but for me they were essentially very repetitive because of how many boxes I order/how long I’ve been a subscriber. I loved almost everything, but there wasn’t much of a surprise factor for me because the one unique item (the bags) were spoiled through email.

Quality - 4.5 out of 5. Everything was fine, although my birdy had some tiny issues that kind of caused me a little concern. Very tiny though.

Price - 2.5/3 out of 5. Honestly I’m not sure this was worth the price we pay. I mean yeah sure character goods- they get you on that. The items themselves are good quality and all, but like... I can’t see the 4-pack bags, plush, and toothbrush being more than 10 dollars together. I could see paying decently for the bag but... it’s very confusing to determine in my case because I don’t have any online websites to find the items and refer to like I do Kawaii Box.

Theme: 5 out of 5. Everything fits the theme, there’s no denying that : P

Total Rank: 15.5/16(?) out of 20 Cuties. I really liked the items we got this month, and the theme is a great one. I wish we had more like it.

♡ Cutie Scale ♡

1. Eco Bag - I love how bright and clean looking it is! The twins are so cute and vibrant too, it really works well for this time of year~

2. Zipper Bag Set - It’s very sweet, if I could find the whole collection in store I’d be tempted to purchase them~

3. Toothbrush Cup - I love the translucent lid and piece for the brush. I’m not a big yellow person, but it’s more of a chartreuse and I kind of like it. I also like how it matches the cup I got from several boxes back.

4. Sticky Notes - I love the different little images and the pastel color options, They’re so sweet.

5. Tsum Tsum Tumbler - Besides the large mouth opening, the design itself on it is very generic. The other two options were more unique. But it’s still plenty cute I rest assure.

6. Bird Plushie - It’s cute in it’s own kind of way, but... I don’t know, I’m not a huge fan of it.

Okay, so that will be doing it for this review~ I hope you found it enjoyable and thanks for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate it.

Next up we’ll be getting back into the beauty supplies so if you enjoy those be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, stay cute!

#yumetwins #yume twins #sanrio #tsumtsum #marumofubiyori

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37h4n0l · 7 years

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Tagtagtagtagtagtag

Tagged by: @azweidos Thank you, my pal <3

5 things that you will find in my bag:

Wallet (I constantly stress about eventual shit that could happen to me if I go out for any reason so I always bring documents and cash lmao)

Cigarillos

Lighter with the Holy Spirit on it

A big bottle of water

Phone

5 things in my room:

That wooden puzzle that rolls into a 3x3 cube

An antique compass

A pink llama plushie

Aviation goggles that have been in a war

A can of spray paint

5 things that I have always wanted to do in life:

Achieve anything of significance to the world as a whole in general

Actually finish something writing-wise and try to get it published

Learn to do art very well (an aspiration with 0% chance of happening)

Be happy without stressing over anything at all

Learn to cook properly

5 things I’m currently into:

Dangan fucking ronpa and my practically nonexistent rareipairs in particular

Killing Stalking but more meta-wise

P u z z l e s

Drawing with the pencil tool???

Having breakfast (sorry, I’m too boring to add many sensible things to this list)

5 things on my to-do list:

Finishing the fic I’m currently writing

Informing myself on what the actual fuck is going on at my uni and when the courses start again considering I haven’t been there for half a year and I’m wondering if anyone even remembers me

Emptying my suitcase (it’s been there for 2 days now lmao)

Trying to assemble a cosplay for the next con in October

Getting my shit together like generally

5 things you might not know about me: (I’m not sure if I’m supposed to make an attempt at being interesting here but I’ll try my best and just say random shit???)

I’ve been on the World Trade Center a few days before 9/11

Once I got an official warning or something like that in high school because I sat in the window of the bathroom that had no bars or anything like that on it, but the teacher who caught me actually lost my booklet afterwards so good for me lmao

I played the piano for 10 years but I stopped because going to a music school full of virtuosos not only took away my will to play the piano but also my will to live

I drink approximately 4 litres of water per day

I once took a course on Java and in the ending session I programmed my masterpiece, an alternative version of Flappy Bird where you could choose whether to play as a fish, a horse or a moose, the chimneys were replaced with giraffe necks, the background constantly changed from one bright colour to another and there was electro swing playing.

Tagging: I don’t feel like bothering people with it bc I get too many of these but I swear I’ll go through the trouble of tagging next time!

#tagging thing

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jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear · 8 years

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Is there any one single Scarecrow backstory considered to be more canon then the others? We have the Year One backstory. We have the incredibly vague Long Halloween (sorta) backstory. And lately we have the new 52 backstory. Those are the only one's I'm familiar with anyway. People may not like it, but I think DC is leaning more heavily on 52's backstory since I saw only that backstory referenced in the DC character encyclopedia. What do you think?

This is one of those subjects that I’ve had on my mind for a long time now. I apologize for making you wait, I needed to do a little research before posting this. Thank you for bringing it up though, I doubt I would’ve addressed it myself unless someone asked. (warning: this is a long post)

There’s actually more backstories than that, although I don’t know if I count Long Halloween’s backstory. (I would probably lump it in somewhere else, because it’s just a few sentences long.) There’s his first appearance in World’s Finest #3 Riddle of the Human Scarecrow, this simple backstory was retold several times in his subsequent appearances as a refresher to new readers. Then later, in Batman Annual 19 (1995) Masters of Fear his origin is expanded upon and new characters are added to the story such as Sherry Squires and Bo Griggs. It wasn’t until 2005 that Scarecrow: Year One yet again, retold the story. Finally, New52′s origin story Cycle of Violence was released in 2015

(I feel I need to also mention that he got a southern origin story in the Batman 66′ comics, which also came out in 2015. However, that is contained in it’s own universe and shouldn’t be compared to his previous origins.)

I’ve noticed that the fandom generally hates New52, and Crane’s backstory isn’t immune to this. I have not read anywhere near all of New52′s comics and while I realize there are some badly written stories, I cannot judge the entirety of the lot based on that. I think I’ve met only a few people who genuinely enjoy that comic and it’s kind of sad in my opinion. There’s a consensus out there that Year One is the best™and that DC should return to that storyline. I want to place a quick disclaimer here: I adore Year One. If you’ve been with my blog long enough, you know that. When I get commissions, that’s the design I ask for, and even I have custom year one plushies. I love the comic and I’ve read it dozens of times, I’ve also animated it partially. (someday I’ll finish that project) Despite that, it still has flaws and it’s not perfect. I think we often overlook that in favor of the story returning.

I don’t believe Year One was ever cannon, and that kind of saddens me to admit. I didn’t used to think this until the proper evidence was presented to me, and hope in sharing that with you today, you might also go away with a different perspective. Ever since the fandom learned about Year One, all other backstories became a moot point. Nobody wants a retelling of Masters of Fear, or even a rewritten New52. They want Year One.

The Jonathan Crane tag was a wasteland until 2012 when it started gaining a lot of traction thanks to the Nolan films (the third and final one came out that year) Using a timestamp generator I was able to skip back in time to 2012 and check out what was being posting in the Jonathan Crane tag during that year. I noticed that Nolan’s Crane and Year One crane were very popular around the same time. Why is this? Well as it turns out, Year One was actually released to coincide with Batman Begins. (both in 2005) With him being the main villain of that movie, it makes sense to release a comic for the sake of hype. According to this [tumblr post], which is were I’ve gotten a chuck of my information so far, there was an article that proves this was true. There was also an interview that stated Year One’s writer never intended for the comic to be cannon. I could not find the article/interview. If someone has this information, that would be great, as it solidifies everything I’ve seen so far. (I am inclined to believe the OP of the tumblr post though, she’s very knowledgeable when it comes to Scarecrow)

Like she has said, Year One is only referenced one other time outside of it’s two-comic story. That’s in a Holiday Issue with Karen Keeny, and because they didn’t call back Sean Murphy to do the art, the characters and Karen herself are unrecognizable. (so if you were hoping to see Scarecrow in his old costume, you’re out of luck) I’m not going to spoil the story though. There is one panel in Joker’s Asylum: The Riddler where Scarecrow sports a similar outfit to his Year One costume, but this may just be an artist paying homage. Nowhere else have I seen the Keenys or his southern (Georgia) origin referenced. The Scarecrow trades (Arkham Scarecrow and Scarecrow Tales) have stat pages, but nothing about Year One. HOWEVER you can read about all his origins and various other adventures in the magazines included with Eaglemoss’ Chess piece and lead figures. That is the only time I’ve seen Scarecrow: Year One referenced in a DC publication.

This is probably why you only see New52′s origin story and New52 artwork in current publications, or why you sometimes see the order origins instead. I’m sorry I had to rant a little bit to get there. It’s not just because New52 is current, but because Scarecrow: Year One was never meant to be considered cannon. There’s probably a reason why DC isn’t referencing it, and it’s not because they ��hated” that origin, or to spite the fans. It’s simply because that comic was meant to boost sales. It just so happens that it has a decent sized following, and thanks to the bandwagon effect, once one person assumed it was canon…so did everyone else.

I suspect we’ll be getting a new origin for Scarecrow this year, seeing as he’s already shown up quite a bit in Rebirth. Perhaps in October…? Will it be a retelling of New52′s story or something completely new, well that’s a question I’ll save for another day. For now, I’m okay with the current cannon

#MistressAnswersYourLastWords #anon #scarecrow's origin #scarecrow #i am so sorry this got to be such a long reply #and i'm sorry it took me a few days #i'm a little afraid to put this in both tags honestly...#please don't send me hate over this #...should i put this under a cut??#again this is kind of speculation but the evidence is there #fixed grammar ~

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tornrose24 · 8 years

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Only a Voice part 5 (A Moana fanfic loosely inspired by the Little Mermaid

This fan fic can also be found on fan fiction.net under my other name HolyMaiden24.

In this chapter:

-Our two main characters get at each others throats as they deal with their own issues (because honestly, was it ever going to be that easy?)

-The author couldn’t resist using irony and a very familiar looking gag

(Also note that the spacing got weird at one point early on, but it only happens one time so there isn’t some huge time skip when it happens.)

Me: *waves as she holds a shrunken down plushie sized version of Tamatoa in her arms* *To the tune of the ‘item get’ music from Legend of Zelda, she sings the following* I shrunk down Tamatoa! :D

Tamatoa: *To the writer* WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! CHANGE ME BACK NOW YOU EVIL HUMAN NERD! THIS IS UNDIGNIFIED AND YOU KNOW IT! Me: Because I have a feeling I know how you will react to some of the reviews. Also tumblr was way ahead of me on shrinking you down. Any who, onto those responses.Uh… this A/N is different if you read it on fan fiction.net. Tamatoa responded to some of the readers over there and shrinking him down ended up being a smart idea.

Well, I know this chapter may not do anything you guys are waiting for but hopefully it will still be enjoyable. In case anyone is wondering, the dance Moana is practicing is meant to be the Taualuga. Remember her ceremonial costume with the cool headdress? I believe that was meant to be the sort of dress you wear for that dance and the Art of Moana book says that it was inspired by that exact ceremony. The dance is a pretty big deal and I recommend checking into it.

Oh yeah, I was at the coast near the Pacific recently and seeing the ocean made me think of Moana (listening to the music on my ipod was a nice touch too). I did see a crabbing boat on the ocean and though I did not see any David Bowie crabs, I did have a crab melt sandwich which is soooooo good and I recommend it if you aren’t a vegetarian. *Tamatoa is understandably horrified at the last part. Tamatoa glances at writer’s arm and grins evily* Annnnnnd, I guess that’s *Tamatoa pinches writer’s wrist as hard as he can to the point that he cuts through her flesh and nearly breaks said wrist*- SONOFA (CENSOREDDUETOTHISBEINGADISNEYFANFICANDKIDSAREPROBABLYREADINGTHIS DESPITETHETRATING)!!! *screams bloody murder and runs off while trying to throw Tamatoa off her arm. Then rolls around on ground with the crab still attached to arm* LET GO, LET GO, LET GO! DAVID BOWIE CRAB WON’T LET GO!

Chapter 5: A struggle between two

And so began Moana’s increased tasks of preparing for the arrival of the visiting Chief and his people in three weeks time. She stood in the community fale before a few of the villagers while her father watched her progress from the sidelines. “So,” Moana tried her best to calm down, smile, and not be nervous. “What is there to do so far?” “We need to clean up the Royal Marae.” One villager pointed out. “We also need to restore parts of it so that it can look good as new.” “We need to do repairs to this fale.” Another villager glanced around the inside and looked up at the roof. “I can see a few tapas that could be replaced and the roof might need some patching up.” “Some of us also need some repairs done to our fales.” Another person jumped in. “Funny you say that,” Moana wanted to laugh. “Our roof needs to be repaired.” “We could make some more tapas and baskets in case they would like to trade with us.” One villager added. “They may have something that we might need.” “We can make a few more tools too.” One of the fishermen suggested. “Maybe a few spears and nets as a start?” “Ok, we might be pressed for time but maybe we can do that.” Moana decided. “We also need to make a proper enclosure for the animals, considering how often the animals escape.” A woman added. “Including that brain dead bird that keeps showing up. He keeps getting into the grains and poking holes into some of my tools.” Ok, perhaps this was a little more than she expected. “We will have to tidy up some of the areas around the crops too.” “What about the harvest?” A man added. “We don’t want them to take too much of our food and we don’t know if they will bring anything along with them.” “Well we are the hosts, are we not?” A woman countered. “We don’t even know what could come out of this! They might hate us for all we know!” “Then why would they come here to begin with?! It’s not like they’ll take everything we own, including the food!” “And suppose they want to take food with them on the way back?!” Moana was starting to feel a little overwhelmed as this argument continued on. It took her a moment to try to think of how to solve this problem, but before she could say anything, her father quickly stepped in. “I can assure you that they have good intentions.” Tui quickly cut them off. “I know that Chief Hoani will be arriving with his siblings, in addition to around ten of his people. If you include his guards, that would make it sixteen, thus bringing it to nineteen visitors total. If we plan this out carefully then there is no need to worry about a shortage of food.” The villagers remained silent for a moment before they nodded in agreement. “We could manage if we are careful.” One of them tried to be optimistic. Moana felt a little disappointed in herself– already her father had to step in for her and the day only just began. She then sensed that someone was watching her and when she turned around, she saw that the man she had found yesterday was standing nearby with his arms crossed and was watching the scene with interest as if it wasn’t an everyday thing for him. Now that he was instructed by her father to watch over her, he was now just a sight that caused her some discomfort instead of curiosity. Before he noticed her looking at him, she quickly turned her head away. He wasn’t really going to follow her fathers orders, was he?

“So where exactly is he staying at?” “Huh?” Moana turned away from the coconut tree and looked to Talia (a girl who was around her age). Both girls were helping to harvest the coconuts that were ready to come off the trees and Talia was currently holding onto an empty basket. “The man you found.” Talia explained. “Is he in your fale or did your father let him stay in one of the unoccupied ones nearby?” Moana made a face at the idea of the man being in her fale (because, really, did she need to have him around her for that long?). “Yeah, I think there’s one that father allowed him to live in for now. I can’t really see him living with us and I don’t think I want to.” “Why not?” Talia chuckled. “He seems rather interesting and I’d want to try to communicate with him if I were you.” “I don’t want him following me around everywhere I go!” Moana protested as she threw her hands out. “Plus I saw things that I want to forget.” She grimaced as she recalled what he did on the shore before she helped him get to the village. Talia was about to ask what Moana meant before she smirked. “You know he’s right behind you.” “What the–?!” Moana turned around and sure enough the man was a good few feet behind her. He looked as if he had been watching the other villagers go about their ways but the smirk on his face indicated that he had been listening to the conversation the entire time. It made Moana feel embarrassed but there was something about his smirk that she didn’t like. Was it because it seemed like he was enjoying what he was listening to? It was like that one moment when he first met the rest of her family the day before when it found her struggle with the basket to be amusing. “You’re not actually going to follow my dad’s orders, are you?” She asked him. The man turned his head towards her and didn’t drop the smirk, nor did he make any response to the question. “You could help us get the coconuts.” Talia suggested to him. “Moana is good at catching them but she’s good at climbing too.” She held the basket towards Moana. Instead of responding to the girls, the man took one look at their tree and ran towards it. Then what shocked Moana was that not only was he able to begin climbing up the tree in almost half the time it took most villagers, but he was able to do it in a way as if he had it it many times before without even taking a moment to pause. She wasn’t the only one–others who weren’t busy just stopped and stared at what this man was capable of doing. He finally reached the top, grabbed a coconut, and then allowed himself to slide back down the tree with one arm while the other held the coconut out before he dropped it down into the basket. He landed back on the ground with a flourish and smirked at both Moana and Talia who were rendered as speechless as the others. “H–how the–?” Moana gapped and her jaw dropped so far down that it could have fallen off. “That was awesome!” Talia grinned as the shock wore off for her. “You do that a lot, don’t you?!” The man’s smirk turned into the hugest grin imaginable, but now there was something about it that Moana didn’t especially like. It was prideful, but it also felt condescending as if he thought himself to be better than the others because of this. Why was it that each time she was given a glimpse into his personality she ended up liking him less and less? “Well you look like you were built for this sort of thing.” Moana couldn’t help but retort. “Not all of us have the strength to do what you did.” “Aw, you’re just jealous that he was so fast.” Talia teased Moana. “It does take a lot of skill to get up into those trees.” Of course, neither of them realized that the man before them had done this sort of thing since even before their grandparents were born. Not only was he quite skilled at it, but he could have done this task in even less time than he just did if he had his full strength. “Yeah, except he didn’t check to see if there were any more up there.” Moana pointed out. This made the man lose his smirk and he gave Moana a small glare as he mouthed something that Moana didn’t pick up. If she had, she would have read the words ‘I’m the reason you have coconuts to begin with, kid!’ “I can prove it!” Moana declared as she turned towards the tree. “I know you missed some.” She went over and proceeded to try to grab onto it like most of the others who had done this with ease. “Uh, Moana, where’s the rope?” Talia asked. When Moana turned to Talia, she added “You need the rope for your feet, remember?” 

“He didn’t use the rope!” Moana jabbed a thumb at the man who now seemed to find the whole thing amusing. “Wait,” Moana realized what she said. “He... didn’t... use a rope.” She looked at the man again in amazement and that arrogant grin came back on his face. “He didn’t use a rope?!”

“Maybe we should just collect the coconuts in the baskets.” Talia laughed as she picked up a basket for Moana.

Moana was scowling as she and Pua took a walk later that day. She was also unaware that the source of her concern was silently following her from behind, though Pua did look back once in awhile. “He didn’t use a rope!” She exclaimed. “How do you do that without worrying about getting hurt?!” Granted he wore out pretty quickly after doing the same thing a few more times and ended up falling asleep, but it was enough to impress everyone who were probably now talking about this with the others. She sighed as she glanced out to one of the shorelines as she thought back to what her father told the man. “He really isn’t going to keep me from the shores, is he?” She wondered out loud for what had to be the twentieth time that day. It was very tempting to give it a shot and she smiled as she recalled that he was probably still asleep under one of the trees. With a grin, Moana made her way towards the sand that stood between her and the water. Just when she made two steps into the soft sand and felt it swallow up her feet, she felt something latch onto her head and she squeaked. She only had to look around to see the man carefully clutching the top of her head with one hand and he was giving her a smile that clearly said ‘Nice try.’ It took Moana a moment to process that his hand was large enough to completely cover the top of her head before she realized what was going on. “You... you’re actually going to listen to my dad, aren’t you?” The man nodded. “Well I’m not going anywhere near the shore with you around!” Moana couldn’t help but snap as she threw her arms in the air and stormed off. Hopefully he wouldn’t follow her during her dance practice.

The next day, Moana tried to climb up the coconut tree with a rope though it took her more time than she needed and wearing a skirt was not helping matters. “I know there was more up this tree!” Moana grunted as she strained herself to reach the top. “Just a little–!” She finally made it, only to discover that none of the coconuts left were large enough to pick off the tree. “Oh you got to be kidding me.” Moana hissed as she looked down to see the man look up at her with a very smug ‘I told you so’ sort of look before he went to the tree and shook it. Moana yelped and hung onto the tree for dear life. “Oh, this means war!” She angrily declared. A little later on, Moana tried to run to the ocean with Pua beside her, but this time she not only tried to take the path that went to the fishing fale, but this time she made sure that the man wasn’t following her. Low and behold, the man was somehow already there and was sitting down near the fale while carefully making barbs upon some spears. “What the–how?!” Moana gapped at the man who looked up and gave her a nonchalant shrug. In all honesty, he had picked up enough clues to figure out where she would go and took a quicker path to get to the fishing fale. “Why aren’t you out there with the others?” Moana pointed to the canoes that were getting further and further away from the island as the fishermen prepared to make their catch of the day. “Someone like you could get a huge fish to last us for days!” The man hesitated in his task and gave Moana a blank look. “You don’t have to babysit me!” Moana added. “Just go out there and help us like you helped out with the coconuts! I’m pretty sure watching me isn’t that fun.” The man made a grimace at those words and Moana didn’t understand why. “You can help us fish, can you?” The man shook his head no. “Why not? Is it because you have to watch me?” The man continued on with making the barbs. A thought struck Moana and she asked “You’re actually not that great at fishing, aren’t you? Its ok if you aren’t.” The man flinched at this and scowled at her. She could tell right away that he would deny it if he could, but the hint of embarrassment in his eyes confirmed what she suspected. “Sorry! Geez!” Moana held her hands up. “I guess I was wrong.” She walked off. Maui really wanted to let the girl have it as she walked away. ‘I fish up islands, not actual fish!’ He tried to yell at her, despite the fact that nothing came out of his mouth. ‘Big difference!’ He sighed and decided to get up and go after her (and bring the spear with him in case he could have a chance to work on it later) when he saw that her pig was staring up at him with a strange look. ‘What?!’ He mouthed. The pig used one of his feet to make a fish hook in the ground as his reply. Maui threw his hands up in the air and walked away. There was no point in trying to explain this to another person or let them know that, yes, there was something he was notoriously known for not being good at. Unhappy that no real progress had been made in his investigation, Pua snorted and kicked at the sand. Things were going to get worse at this rate and Moana would never be able to pick up on Pua’s clues if her annoyance towards this man continued to grow. Still, Pua was determined to get his answers and fully confirm that this was indeed Maui.

Another day passed and a new one came. Moana was nearing the end of her dancing lesson with the younger children and when she briefly glanced behind, she saw that the man was siting cross legged on the ground and watching the moment. She had no clue why, but he seemed to be enjoying himself a little more lately. Maybe it was because he enjoyed the fact that people were amazed at what he did with the coconut climbing but she could still detect a smugness that was getting on her nerves. He had quickly become a topic in her community as people tried to guess who he was or where he had come from. A lot of them were easily impressed, including the children, and when he wasn’t watching her then he was offering help in any way he could (besides fishing, of course). Yet there were times where he seemed to try to interact with some of the villagers, but he couldn’t get very far with limited communication skills. They appreciated his help, but ask questions about his personal life or for opinions, then he couldn’t flat out answer them. In fact, he seemed somewhat reluctant to answer a lot of questions about himself, including what happened to him. Not even Moana or her family had learned anything since the first time he was at their home. Unfortunately for this strange man, some of the people on Motonui were a little nervous about him. She overheard a few people wondering if perhaps he had escaped from a great battle and was going to bring it to this island. Others were put off by his appearance and wondered if he was punished by the gods because no one could have scars as peculiar or as oddly placed as his. She turned her head back with a sigh. “Ok, you guys are doing good!” She encouraged the young children as they copied her. “Remember to move in time to the beat inside you and–” She stopped when she saw a young child who was not part of this group come dancing towards them. No. Oh no–not this kid–anyone but this kid! She knew what he was going to do the moment he came into the picture. Please no, please no, please no. She could already tell that the man behind her was watching this kid with extreme curiosity. Sure enough, the kid broke down into his own dance routine which seemed to be from another world of its own. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t to it! She pleaded, but it was too late. The child ended the dance with an over-exaggerated pout and a wink aimed at her that also made her extremely uncomfortable. When the other children stopped and stared in confusion at what was behind Moana, she knew that it was too late. With a groan, she turned to see that the man was once again laughing his head off, despite the fact that not a sound came out of him, but this time it was enough to make him fall on his back and it looked like he was about to pass out from laughing too hard. This in turn made some of the children laugh and Moana was too embarrassed to get them to stop. She turned around to the cause of this and the little boy just gave her an innocent smile and skipped away.Then she realized something that only made things worse–the kid almost looked like a miniature version of her ‘protector.’ It was enough to add salt to the wound that she currently had. “Why do the gods torment me so much?” Moana groaned as she held her face in her hands. Another torment came later when she was asked to solve a certain matter and it involved the roof of a fale. Both Moana and her ‘companion’ could only stare dumbfounded as a bunch of chickens were resting on top of the fale, including Heihei who rolled back and forth upon it in an attempt to scratch his back. “See?!” The owner jabbed a thumb at a couple of boys who snickered at the sight. “These little ingrates thought it would be funny to do this to me.” “It was worth it!” One boy chuckled to the other as they each gave the other a high five. “How exactly did–?” Moana shook her head. “Well, I suppose you can have them get some help with their parents and get them down as safely as possible.” “And they have to clean the other side.” The owner demanded. “I don’t have time to change any part of the roof.” “What do you–oh.” Moana grimaced in disgust and slapped a hand over her face as she realized what the owner meant. “Just–y–yeah, they can do that too.” She hurried away from the house as fast as she could and made sure not to walk around it and accidentally look up. “It’s just feathers!” One of the boys giggled. Later in the day, she once again tried to run for the ocean but at the very moment she was about to touch the sand, a now familiar pair of hands grabbed her and she was hoisted over the man’s shoulder. “Come on!” Moana tried to wiggle free, but the man wouldn’t budge nor let her go. She was getting so fed up with this man that her stubbornness was getting in her way and a certain idea came into her head. She knew that the part of the man’s back that was hiding under his hair was the most sensitive part of his body, if the way he always winced when he tried to touch it was any indication. Despite how much her compassionate side protested, she raised her hand as high as possible before smacking it down on that part of his back as hard as possible and the man quickly let go of her. Moana didn’t see the agony in his face or the scream he tried to let out as she fell to the ground, but she had no idea how fast he would immediately retaliate. She barely got a running start as she tried to get away from him, but he caught up to her within seconds, grabbed her by the arm, and forced her to spin around to face him with enough force to almost pull her arm off. She found herself face to face with the man as he kept his hold on her. He was barring his teeth in pain, but his brows were scrunched up and the look in his eyes was so enraged it was as if he could bring a tempest upon her head within seconds. She felt that he really was going to lash out at her for what she had done and it terrified her. What Moana didn’t expect was that he would tie her foot up with a rope that was tied to a tree in the village like she was an animal. This time he kept his eyes on her and the fury within didn’t leave him for one second, which was enough to cause Moana to not directly look at him. Maybe she did go too far that time in getting back at him, but she couldn’t bring herself to apologize so instead she turned to a little scene that was occurring near the tree. “You see these?” A fisherman nearby was showing off different types of coral to his children. “These are one reason why the ocean can be dangerous. As beautiful as coral can be, it can also be very deadly.” He lifted up one piece of coral that was grey but had very delicate and thin edges. “This one could cut through your skin and you wouldn’t even be aware of it until you saw the blood. Some even have barbs on them.” “Really?” The youngest child asked as he made to reach out for it. “Yes and if you fall off the boat, pray to the gods that the waves will not push you into the coral.” The fisherman warned the children. “There is no telling what will happen if you do.” Elsewhere, Tui saw what exact state his daughter in as well as the odd rage the man was directing towards her. It was strange, but it wasn’t enough to make him too concerned. “I’m not even going to ask what happened.” He shook his head and walked away. Later that night, it began to rain and it perfectly reflected the mood of both Moana and Maui. Both found themselves sitting at the threshold of the Chief’s fale and both of them were trying to not look each other in the eye as they were angry at each other for their own personal reasons. Moana held onto Pua as she tried to think of how much the man next to her had treated her as both a child and as an animal in one day. Worse yet, it earned a lot of chuckles from the other villagers which was a massive blow on her own ego. He’s so infuriating! Moana mentally growled. Arrogant, doesn’t treat me like a person, always one step ahead of me– Meanwhile, Maui was looking off into the distance as Heihei was pecking at the wood right next to him instead of trying to eat the grains he had offered to him. He was angry that the little brat tried to escape by hurting him and taking full advantage of the fact that his upper back was still currently the most sensitive part of his body. He thought that she would be a bit more respectful to him after all he’d gone through and he thought she would try to be nicer than that, but apparently he was mistaken. She knew he was helping her and her people out, but that apparently wasn’t enough for her. Its humans like you that made it harder to have any respect to your kind. Maui also mentally growled. Is this the thanks that I get for trying to help you out, you brat? You could at least– Sina sighed at the sight as she struggled to work on a new tapa, despite how nauseous she had been feeling lately. “This could have been avoided if you hadn’t made him follow after her.” She harshly whispered to Tui. “You had to ruin what could have been a more pleasant friendship than this storm we have to witness.” “Well what else could I have done?” Tui whispered back. “I’m sure this will get fixed sooner, if not later.” Sina opened her mouth to say a few choice words when she felt her stomach lurch. She quickly covered her hand over her mouth and scrambled to get to her feet before running past both her daughter and the strange guest and off to the side of the fale. Neither Moana or Maui acknowledged the sound of Sina vomiting somewhere near the side of the house.

The next day, Moana struggled with making a new basket alongside Talia and her friends. She tried her hardest not to look at the man as he sat some ways away by a tree and was working on making barbs on another spearhead while Pua was trying to paw at the ground to get his attention. In truth, Pua was trying once again to draw a fish hook, but the man had no idea why the pig was doing it and he didn’t care. “So,” Talia asked Moana. “Is it true you were tied to a tree?” Moana ignored Talia. “No, no, NO!” Someone screamed in the distance. Maui turned his head to see that one of the villagers was chasing after a group of pigs that were charging towards them as fast as they could and they didn’t seem to be aware of this. Moana picked up what was happening without glancing back and sighed as she set her basket to the side while Talia and the others ran away with their things. She just wanted her luck to change back again and get these three weeks over with.

A little later on, Moana sat in Tala’s tapa and her spirits were getting low to the point that she was not even joining in the storytelling. Trying to help stop the pigs was not a fun experience for her and although Tala’s words of heroism and monsters to the children were soothing, but it wasn’t enough to calm Moana down and she couldn’t help but stare at the tapa of Maui. “I could really use some of your cunning right now.” Moana couldn’t help but whisper to the depiction of Maui. Although the demi-god’s grin was getting a little too familiar looking to her liking, she still wished there was a way she could be level headed and try to manage the tasks that kept piling up while trying to get away from her ‘guard.’ She glanced back to see that the man had been staring intently at the tapa of Maui as well, but when she saw him looking at her, he turned his head to look at something else. Had she looked a little closer, she would have seen Pua staring at this observation, but her mind was too preoccupied. Pua’s annoyance over the fact that Moana was not picking up the parallels between the image on the tapa and the man in the room was steadily increasing. Perhaps if she was a little more clear–headed, it would have been more obvious. Moana sighed as she looked at the tapas for something to distract her, but her eyes hesitated on the one that showed an eel. It was the same eel that her father used when joking with her mother since she shared the same name as the Sina from the tale about that eel. What if–? She turned to the tapa of Maui and made sure that the man couldn’t see her smiling at it. “I owe you for this.” She quietly whispered to the tapa. Maybe Maui could truly be on her side for this one. “I got an idea for a game!” Moana clapped her hands as she stood up. Tala hesitated in her storytelling and watched as Moana turned to the children who were eager to hear this. She saw that the man was looking at the other tapas and wasn’t paying attention, which made things even better for her. “One of us gets to be the eel from the story of Sina and the Eel–” “You can’t be Sina just because she and your mother share the same name.” A girl declared, causing the other children to giggle. “Ok, you can be Sina then.” Moana shrugged. “One person gets to be the eel and the others get to be the villagers who go after him.” She looked up and pretended to point to them. “Eenie, meenie, miney–” She saw the man scowling at Tamatoa’s tapa and pointed “–him!” The children shrieked in delight and all of them ran towards the man, who finally turned around in confusion. Moana took her chance and right when the children threw themselves onto the man, she quickly ran to the tapa of Maui, pushed him aside, and ran out of the fale towards the forest. There was no way the man could find her if she was quick enough. Meanwhile, Maui was forced to deal with a terror as great as any high ranking monster he had encountered in the form of a bunch of easily excited children. Although he adored the love and appreciation that children gave to him out of all the mortals he had encountered, this was too much for him to handle as they all piled up on him. Tala just laughed as Maui tried desperately to pull the kids off of him and was clearly in a panic over it. “I’m pretty sure she went towards the forest!” She yelled as loudly as she could over the shrieking of the children. With what little strength he currently possessed, Maui fought off the village children, even as they determinedly tried to latch back onto him. It was only when he finally reached the other side of the fale that Tala declared “Ok children, I believe the eel needs to take a break.” and they all finally let go of him. He would owe that woman a huge thank you when he got the chance while her granddaughter was going to get something a lot more different. Maui finally broke through the tapa walls just in time to see Moana vanish into the woods. ‘Oh you have got to be kidding me!’ He mouthed before running after her as fast as he could. Moana raced through the trees as fast as she could and took every shortcut she knew to a spot where there she could see the ocean. There was no way the man could find her there and she was positive that it would take him ages to do so, considering how large the woods were. She let out a laugh as she darted this way and that way and leapt over rocks and logs. If she ever saw the real Maui at any point in her life, she would let him know about this little moment since she owed him a good laugh as well as a thank you. Finally she came to a spot overlooking the ocean that wasn’t too far away from civilization, but it was far out enough where she could be alone. All that separated her from the water was a wall of rocks that could send her safely into the deep water below if she so wished since they were that far out. Moana laughed as she had to sit down since her feet were killing her and her throat was on fire, not to mention how furiously her heart pounded. “Ah, that was good!” She let out a breathless giggle as she allowed her feet to dangle over the rocks. “Hopefully they didn’t overwhelm him!” She could only imagine the look on his face when he had realized what she had done and it lifted her moods considerably. “Though,” She frowned “maybe I’ve been taking this too far. I suppose I did hurt him too much yesterday and I only made things worse with that trick of mine.” A part of her hoped that he didn’t get hurt through what she did to him. “He’s pretty determined though, I’ll give him that.” She admitted. “In addition to being a kid in a man’s body at times.” She laughed at this as she looked at the ocean. It was so nice to just finally be alone without having someone after her and she could just clear her head after all she had to do today. She closed her eyes and imagined herself swimming in the ocean’s depths alongside the creatures within it. She could see the fish, but also turtles and maybe a few sharks–perhaps one of them could be her grandfather, like her grandmother told her once before. She could almost see the strange, voiceless man as a shark within her daydream, though she was unaware that a certain someone had finally caught up with her and was watching her from behind. Maui had to admit that this girl was pretty clever, but not enough to surpass him in terms of cunning. He pulled up this island once before, had been here a few times in the past, and knew exactly where the shorelines would be. It also helped that he was able to track her down by the footprints she unknowingly left behind in the ground and the fact that he heard her voice a few moments ago, which lead him right to her. Sure, that was a pretty good trick she pulled on him, but she was about to learn what would happen if she tried to suppress a demi-god (well temporary non-demi-god at the moment, but it was still the same thing) without proper foresight. He quietly walked behind her as she continued to talk to herself and peered over her head to see how deep the water was. “I guess he can be scary, but not as scary as I thought he would be.” Moana continued on in oblivion. “I still wish I knew where he came from.” Ok then, Maui decided–if this kid wanted the ocean so badly, then she could have it. Moana suddenly felt a pair of large hands shoot under her arms and grabbed her sides. The moment she let out a squeak, Maui hoisted up her into the air and then tossed her out over the rocks as far as he could. Moana let out a cry and Maui watched in sadistic glee as she went soaring through the air and flapped and kicked all four limbs outward before dropping right into the ocean with a tremendous and very satisfying sounding splash. He knelt down on the rock and watched as the teenager struggled to get back to the surface and when she broke through, she looked around in confusion before looking up to see him giving her the biggest grin he could manage. ‘You can try to do all you can and try to run all around Motonui, but you’ll never be able to outsmart Maui!’ He boasted to her, even if she couldn’t make out what he tried to say. Moana could make out only the key fact that he had bested her in the trickery department and was immensely proud of himself because of this and she could only let out a frustrated cry. “You are enjoying this, aren’t you!” She yelled up at him. Maui’s grin only widened. This little moment of great satisfaction made all of his current suffering worth it. He could do this again if he wanted to, provided that she wouldn’t see it coming when the moment came. Moana only sighed as she tried to find a spot where she could get out of the water and back on dry land. She had to be careful what she wished for from now on.

There was now twelve days left until the arrival of the Chief. Although some progress had been made towards the preparations, there was still much to do and Moana still had to perfect her dance for that event. Tala aided her grand daughter in the dance as one girl sang and a boy clapped his hands in time to the music to help Moana out. “Gently.” Tala gestured for Moana as she moved her feet. “Remember that this dance is not supposed to be fast. Pretend that you are the water gently rocking back and forth if that helps. Feel the power of this dance and let it guide you. Trust in it.” She smiled as Moana tried to slow herself down. Moana tried her best with this dance, but after having to help clean up the Royal Marae and walking back and forth so often today, she was feeling exhausted. Her mind was also racing with too many thoughts and she couldn’t get herself to calm down. All the work was beginning to pick up and it seemed to never end. “Remember that your smile must be genuine.” Tala reminded Moana. “Try to think of positive thoughts for this lesson. Recall our heritage and be proud of it. Our ancestors are on your side.” Moana was struggling to find a reason to smile. Not even the sounds of the singing could help her out and when she saw the man staring at her in front of the community fale, she could only think of what he had done the previous day when he tossed her into the ocean. He certainly had a way of granting her wish while also obeying her father at the same time. She wasn’t the only one to not feel entirely happy. Maui was not thrilled that he barely made any progress with any of the villagers, despite how long he had been here for. Sure he had earned their admiration and some respect, but he had not made a genuine connection to any one to the point that they truly got to know him. Not even with any of the children when some of them had already taken a quick liking to him. The fact that everyone seemed to be busy didn’t help matters and when he saw some of the village females give him flirtatious looks, he could only hear the warning ‘infatuation does not count’ and he had to continue on. Also he liked the women's’ admirations, but he didn’t feel a draw towards any of them in particular. And yes, not being able to talk was really annoying and not helping matters. He missed boasting about what he could do, simple conversations with others, being able to sing and even the sound of his own voice. Then there was the Chief and his family. He liked the old woman and her way of not caring what everyone else thought about her, he had to listen to Tui now and then, but Sina tended to be too ill to stay around to chat sometimes and he had a strong feeling that he would need to stay away from her. Then there was the daughter and the biggest reason why he had little time to try to beat the time limit. He admired her stubbornness, but it was really annoying at times and she still didn’t really want to try to actually like the things he did for her and her people. Also her little trick did strike a nerve with him since he was not used to others outsmarting him. Yes, he remedied that, but the fact that she did catch him off guard was something he was not used to. He understood both sides of the quandary between father and daughter to a certain extent. The father was concerned about his daughter (maybe too much) and the kid was still learning things. He knew little of parental love (thanks to lack of experiencing it himself) but he knew it when he saw it and would do anything to make sure a child knew how lucky they were to have that genuine sort of love (whether said parent was related by blood or not). Yet he understood the need of a young person to have time to herself and be near places she liked. He just wished that he hadn’t been thrown into this family conflict since it was a part of the mortal life that didn’t really appeal to him. “Not good enough.” He snapped his head up to see that Tui had watched part of the practice and had approached Moana while the singer and the boy ceased their part in the practice. “You need more work on this. There needs to be more grace in your movements.” “I’m trying!” Moana protested. “If you could allow me to have some time to practice more and have someone to help me out more than once a day then I could get it down in time!” “We can’t afford that at this point.” Tui countered. “Your grandmother cannot help you every day and you will be needed to tend to the other issues at hand. And perhaps if you stopped running off and practiced on your own, then this would be less of an issue.” Too stressed to even care anymore, Moana finally snapped. “I need time to compose myself too! I can’t do everything at once or do one thing after the other without a break!” “And yet here I stand without having my past stress take over my well being.” Tui crossed his arms. “You won’t always afford the luxury of a break.” “You’re just saying that because I keep running off to the ocean!” “Perhaps you should give her a break.” Tala cut in as she sensed where this was going. “The last thing we need is for her to be too stressed out to perform the dance when it is time.” “You have to grow up, Moana.” Tui continued. “Childhood won’t last forever.” “I’m not a child anymore! Why do you keep treating me like one even when you give me so much to do?!” “Well you should stop acting like one. I’ve heard that you have done some things that I would expect from the village children and not the future Chief of–” “STOP!” Tala yelled as she couldn’t handle another argument between these two at this moment. “You two both need some time away if this is going to end in disaster. I think Moana will get the dance down in time so I say that she may be able to go off on her own for a bit.” “No he won’t.” Moana frowned. “Because he has to trust another to watch over me and make sure I don’t do something that he doesn’t want me to.” She then hurried off with Pua dashing after her. Tui sighed as he held his face in his hands. “She has to quit this behavior before its too late. It will give her trouble in the future.” “She’s not the only one.” Tala almost sang as she grabbed her cane and hoisted herself back on her feet. “Sometimes our greatest virtue is also our greatest fault if we aren’t careful enough.” Maui took this as his cue to go ahead and leave since there was nothing more to be done and he figured Tui would try to tell him to go after his kid if he saw him slacking off. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked away from the community fale and tried to think some things over. When was the longest time he ever resided amongst humans? Here it felt like an eternity when it should have normally been in an instant for him. He moved his hand away to look at it and realized that time had slowed down for him, but not in the way he was used to and in other ways it was speeding up on him. His body had only briefly returned to its original mortal state and yet he was sure that it was aging on him since everything felt so different. He was now only too aware that he was physically somewhere near Tui’s age; didn’t he himself look younger the last time he had seen his own reflection? Was it possible that he could still age as a demi-god? He didn’t like that this body got exhausted quicker than it used to, even if it was still in better shape than an average human’s. Even picking Moana up that one time did not have the same ease as it should have been and took more effort than he was used to for something of her size. How soon did such thoughts like these occur to a human? It felt too soon for him in his opinion as either a mortal or a demi-god. This all had to be because he was currently stuck as a mortal. There was no way he would think such thoughts if he still had his powers. He glanced up to see that Moana was heading somewhere, only it did not appear to be anywhere near the shorelines that she so desired. She didn’t even bother to turn around to see if he was following her, but perhaps she was too caught up in her frustrations to realize this. Though when he listened closely it sounded like she was humming a song that he never heard before. He had some options; one was to turn back and let her go and another was to steal a boat and leave this island for another location. The final one was to just follow her and see what would actually happen when she was free to be herself and was far away from the others as possible. He chose to follow her and see what would happen this time; he wouldn’t try to pull her aside if she made it to the shoreline. Maybe there was a way to salvage what was left and try to earn her friendship so that he could get some of his things back. If not, then he would have to be ready to put up a fight for whatever would be taken from him. Oddly enough, Moana really did choose not to go anywhere near the shore, but instead she took a certain route that went beyond the outskirts of her village while she still hummed that same song. Carefully he followed her and made sure that he was out of sight, but he did not see that her pig kept giving him a glance now and then. Finally Moana came to a cliffside with a wall of green leaves crawling down it. She let out a deep sigh of relief before pushing the greenery aside to reveal a wall of rocks with a certain hole of a gap on one side. Moana then stepped through what was apparently a secret passage behind the leaves, with Pua following close behind. Not one to resist an opportunity to explore a secret (especially one close by that he had missed) Maui followed her trail and went to the entrance of the secret passage. It was time to see what the little princess was hiding from the rest of the world.

I swear that I wasn’t trying to make Maui go through a weird mid-life crisis. Also, no really–that kid really did look a lot like a young Maui. Did anyone who also noticed that find it really weird? *Applies bandages to wrist* Tamatoa managed to snap my hand off, but I survived. *waves hand cheerfully* So, yeah, no carriage ride or dancing to please the other for these two. I kind of figured that they would be at each others necks because of the circumstances and because of their own personalities, which made it a lot more enjoyable. Still I’m glad I can finally start getting to the chapters I really want to write out after doing this one. Interestingly enough, while it seems to be a common fact that Maui was terrible at fishing for actual fish, one version of his story of him pulling up an island said that he was pretty good at making tools, which is why he was making that spearhead in the first place in this story. And yes, I have seen that clip for the short ‘Going Fishing’ for the blu-ray when it will come out. I was hoping that it would take place after the movie because the island looked like Motonui, but its not and its pretty much confirmed if you see that Maui is missing a certain tattoo on his body. Oh, and one more thing: I am one of those writers who likes doing illustrations for their stories and this fan fic was no exception. Check out my deviantart account or my tumblr account (I go by tornrose24 on both sites) so see some drawings for the first four chapters of this fan fic. I’m not going to do this with all of them, but I couldn’t resist. Also, *sighs* yes, if you look at the accounts, you will see that I have my own humanized version of Tamatoa but he has recently had more added to his design in my sketchbook and those drawings will show up when I get the chance to ink them digitally. I can confirm that Tamatoa WILL show up in human form in this fic but I am planning on keeping his description to a minimum since there are so many awesome versions of him as a human out there and I want to give my readers the choice to imagine their favorite version of him. There are so many versions on tumblr alone and I recommend checking those artists out. I’ll discuss this subject a bit more when we get to the right moment in the story. Now if you excuse me *takes out laptop and glares at Tamatoa who is still plushie sized* I’m going to show Tamatoa the ‘le Poisson’ song to remind him why he should be glad he’s not Sebastian.

#disney moana #moana fan fiction #little mermaid au #moana #maui #pua #grandma tala #tui #sina #inevitable gag from movie is inevitable

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