#and the guy playing young chase is great

[ladyhawke]

i’m loving the casting for the younger version of the characters in the old man

[togenabi]

the promised knight

knight!roronoa zoro x princess!reader

♡— after a lifetime apart, zoro finds his way back to you

word count♡— 8.7k (screams into the void)

genre♡— royalty au, childhood friends to strangers to lovers, slow burn bc a lot of things happen, but there's fluff bc I need there to be

content notes♡— fem!reader wears dresses, mentions of death and grief, very plot heavy, kuina and mihawk are here, canon-typical violence, original side characters, no use of y/n, proofread(ish), inaccurate royalty things, inaccurate chemistry/poisons/acids, yes I got the name florentia from ill be the matriarch

also on♡— ao3

author's note♡— quick explanation!: a regent has no right to the throne, they're just someone stepping in temporarily while the next monarch is absent or unable to execute their powers. happy reading!!

Your happiest years were when everyone was together.

Those were the days you’d sneak out of your lessons to go play in the training grounds. You’d find your best friends arguing about something or other, fighting with wooden swords and chasing each other around.

Kuina and Zoro did their best to include you in whatever game they were playing. You found it all good fun, even if you were mostly being rescued or hidden away somewhere. The proud smiles on their faces when they saved you always made the wait for them worth it.

“Why do I have to play the bad guy?” A young Zoro whines, frowning deeply with shoulders slumped. His wooden sword hangs lazily in his hand, pointed to the ground. 

Opposite him, Kuina’s blade was up, stable and correct with proper posture. “Because we agreed I would save the princess today!”

You remember sending Zoro a small smile, trying to reassure him, “You can save me next time, Zoro. I promise.”

Zoro complained, but gave his all acting as a bandit out to rob you. You and Kuina would run into the meadow—hands held in each other’s—squealing and laughing. You’d always end up collapsed together; among the grass and the flowers. They would cheer and scream into the sky, happy that the great knights protected their princess once again.

But that same meadow is now covered with a blanket of melancholy. The colors aren’t as vibrant as they were back then. Flowers no longer bloom like they did. The children’s laughter has been replaced by a deafening silence.

Everything changed when Kuina died.

She was hit by a stray arrow, they said. They called it a tragic accident. 

More sadness only seemed to follow after she was gone. Zoro left without a word, abandoning his training, and you along with it. Your mother, Queen Florentia, passed due to an illness a few months after that. In a blink of an eye, you lost everything back then.

The large doors to your chambers slam shut, breaking you from your train of thought. The thud echoes into every corner before fading into noiselessness once more. 

A maid rushes in, completely out of breath and practically stumbling towards you. “Your Highness!” She gasps. Waving a hand, you gesture for her to calm down.

“Selma,” You pour her some water in a glass. It’s strange to see your personal maid so distressed. “What did you find?”

Practically inhaling the water, she places a hand over her heart before explaining, “You were right, Your Ladyship. The commander informed me that several knights had poison hidden in their quarters.”

Her eyes trail to the glass she’s holding, then to the pitcher. Selma’s face becomes appalled as it sinks in that you had poured her a drink. You cut her off before she can make a fuss about it.

“Never mind all that.” There are more pressing matters than decorum right now. “What else did Mihawk say? Have the knights been apprehended?”

“No, my Lady.” Selma retrieves a transparent vial from her pocket. “The commander said there's a chance the poisons were planted. Trustworthy men could have been framed… He discourages you from trusting any of them at all.”

The vial is small, barely larger than your thumb. To an untrained eye, it looks like nothing is there. You hold it up to the window, letting the sun’s setting rays shine through the glass.

There it is. A near-invisible, lavender sheen in liquid. The queen regent’s signature poison.

“Damn it all.” You sigh, falling into an armchair. 

It’s common knowledge that most of the people are loyal to Queen Regent Cassiopeia. Not to you, the rightful heir to the throne.

Ever since she took the position after your mother’s death, she’s been doing everything in her power to discredit you. Though she's not in the official line of succession, her goal is to become queen by any means necessary.

You’ve only been able to hold on for so long because there are still people loyal to your mother, like Commander Mihawk. However, it will take only one slip up for your standing to collapse. Cassiopeia knows this, and you suspect that she plans to completely ruin you at the upcoming knighting ceremony.

On a paneled wall in your room, encased in an ornate golden frame, hangs a portrait of Queen Florentia. The gold reminds you of the gilded dagger she gave you as a child. 

Subconsciously, your hand moves to rest over your pocket; where the dagger is hidden under your skirt. What would your mother have done in this situation?

You scan the painting as if the image would respond. It doesn’t, but your eyes settle on the necklace she’s wearing. It was her most prized possession, and she had promised to give it to you when you were older, but it’s sadly lost to time.

The vial grows heavy in your fist. Your mother would stop at nothing until Cassiopeia is defeated, so that’s what you’ll set out to do.

“Selma, get me some ink and parchment.” You order, feeling more determined. “I have a plan.”

Dracule Mihawk burned the note as soon as he finished reading it. Your idea was brilliant, if only a little complicated to execute. 

Cassiopeia will demand you choose a personal knight during the ceremony. Assuming all the knights are loyal to the queen regent, none of them would be a safe choice.

So, you asked Mihawk to hire a skilled fighter to pose as a knight. Someone whose loyalty cannot be bought. Immediately, he knew who to recruit. Though he warned you that you might not find the man… agreeable.

“I don’t care.” You replied stubbornly. “I can’t afford to be picky. Just make sure that he won’t kill me in my sleep.”

Mihawk muses that he might be killed by you in his sleep. Because in a shady, run-down tavern, he sits beside a familiar green-haired swordsman nursing a drink at the bar.

“Fancy seeing you here, commander.” Zoro spits out the title in disgust.

“It seems that some things never change.” Mihawk hums. “You’re still in the same place as you were when we last fought.”

“And your legend ends with you kissing up to that false queen.” Disappointment practically drips from his tone.

“And here you are,” There’s an amused glint in the knight commander’s eye. “...still not able to beat me, Roronoa Zoro.”

Zoro’s jaw clenches in frustration. He breathes out deeply, “What do you want, old man?”

“Join my knights.”

Scoffing, Zoro can’t believe his ears. Is this guy serious? “I’m no knight. Not anymore.”

“Are you sure about that?” Mihawk tests. “The princess needs someone not easily dissuaded.”

At the mention of you, Zoro freezes. He squints at the commander as it dawns on him, “You don’t serve that Cassiopeia bitch.”

“Obviously.”

“But why did you become commander only after Queen Florentia died?” Zoro asks. “Everyone thought you were bought off.”

“That’s besides the point.” Mihawk hisses. “I know you’ve been wanting to make it up to the princess. I’m giving you a chance to do that on a silver platter.”

Zoro stays quiet, eyes watching the alcohol ripple in his glass. He’s not drunk enough for this discussion. And he meant what he said, that he’s not a knight. That dream died with Kuina, and he chose to pursue less honorable ways to become stronger.

It’s funny how Mihawk, who was an outlaw, traded his jacket for a suit of armor. And now, he's trying to act righteous. But some things are just—

“It’s not too late to change things.” Mihawk attempts to persuade him, calmer this time. “Something tells me you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Shaking his head, Zoro can’t believe this man is talking like he knows him. “What do you know about regret?”

When the commander doesn’t respond, Zoro turns to see Mihawk’s face, a grave expression marks his features.

“I know far too much, I’m afraid.”

Zoro studies him for a moment longer, curious as to what he meant—but he doesn’t dare ask. Only an idiot would test Dracule Mihawk. 

This master swordsman, whom he’s looked up to for so many years, has changed drastically. Perhaps everyone has. It makes Zoro wonder how much you might’ve changed in the years he’s been gone.

You. He’s—there’s so much he wants to say. So much he wants to ask… but does he have the right to? 

Who is he kidding? He doesn’t. 

And yet, Zoro can’t help but wonder if he passes on this opportunity and regrets it, would he spend the rest of his life wishing he could make up for it?

After downing his drink, Zoro slams the glass on the bar counter.

“What do I need to do?”

Selma assists you with your hair and makeup on the day of the ceremony. She’s practically buzzing as she flutters around you. It’s nice that she’s still enthusiastic about things like these, even when dangers lurk in the shadows.

“You look stunning, Your Ladyship!” She gushes, adjusting the different layers of your dress so that it falls on you perfectly. “A vision, you are. Just like Queen Florentia.”

“Thank you.” You respond gratefully, despite not feeling as sure and confident as your mother was. Would that change, if you were to become queen?

A knock sounds on your door. Selma rushes to answer it, and lets Mihawk into your chambers. He steps in, but remains by the entryway.

“You look lovely, princess.” The commander bows to you in greeting. “I was instructed to escort you once you’re ready.”

Nodding, you approach him and hold onto his arm. “Let us be on our way.”

Keeping your face carefully neutral, you whisper to Mihawk under your breath, “Will you really not let me know the knight’s name? How am I supposed to know who to appoint?”

“You’ll know.” Mihawk pats your hand reassuringly. “Without a doubt, you’ll know. I just hope you’re not too hard on him.”

You side-eye him. “He’s not a convict or something, is he?”

Mihawk presses his mouth shut. This bastard, is he trying not to laugh? “You might actually prefer a convict over him.” 

That pulls a frown out of you that you cannot contain. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Is the man that bad? How are you supposed to mentally prepare with such vague warnings?

All thoughts of the mystery knight fade into the back of your mind, however, when you and Mihawk make your entrance at the throne room. 

The extravagant hall is decorated to the nines. Flags of different family crests hang from the ceiling. Flowers bloom at every window sill. You smile at it all, at your people—but it fails to reach your eyes. It’s difficult to truly smile when Cassiopeia stands dangerously close to your mother’s throne.

You curtsy when you reach the steps, one hand still on Mihawk’s arm as the fabric of your skirt dips onto the floor. You hear murmurs of approval from the ministers in the front row, pleased to see the good relationship between the princess and queen regent.

But they don’t see through your gloves, how your grip on your skirt is tense and far too tight. They don’t see how Cassiopeia’s smile is truly a smirk when you lower your head to her.

“Lovely to have you here, darling.” She says, and you fight the urge to laugh. ‘Lovely’ would be if she accepted her place and let go of her greed. 

Mihawk guides you to the smaller throne on the left. This has been your seat since you were born. If Cassiopeia had her way, it would be your seat until the end of your days.

She glides to the center of the dais, the train of her excessive dress flows like a river after her. She stands; graceful, powerful and smiling—but she will never be happy until she can sit on the throne and wear your mother’s crown.

Whatever it takes, you will find a way to stop her.

“Welcome to the long-awaited knighting ceremony.” Cassiopeia addresses the audience. “It is an honor to have the kingdom’s finest pledge to serve and protect us.”

The ceremony proceeds to speeches from several dignitaries. Mihawk delivers a short yet intense declamation about the knightage being the greatest honor; and hands the queen regent an elaborate, bejeweled sword.

“These warriors before us today are hereby called forward to receive Knighthood. The kingdom will forever be grateful for your service.” Cassiopeia proclaims.

Attentively observing the knights lined up, you keep an eye out for the one Mihawk recruited for you. One at a time, Cassiopeia announces their name before tapping their shoulders with the ornamental blade.

You grow restless as the line dwindles. Frustrated, you throw questioning looks at the commander’s direction. He skillfully avoids your gaze. The nerve.

When only about five men are left, you begin to study them all and weigh your options. Perhaps you should pick someone with a smaller build, so that you can have a better chance of escaping? You also spotted someone who appeared clumsy. If you were to outsmart him, your odds of surviving weren’t so bleak.

But then—dramatically, as if in slow motion—the great doors to the throne room opened with a loud, booming sound. Everyone turned as light poured into the hall.

A swordsman makes his entrance. His armor is unassuming, but the three blades at his side demand attention. He wears a helmet over his head, but even after so much time, you’d know those eyes anywhere.

Mihawk was right. You would have preferred a convict—or maybe some rogue, or a thief who would rob you blind. You would have preferred anyone over Roronoa Zoro.

You thought you’d never see him again, but he’s here, marching towards the end of the line. You gape at him, feeling too many emotions all at once. Why is he here? Why now?

Mihawk intercepts Cassiopeia before she can question Zoro’s identity. “Forgive me, queen regent. This young man ran late due to an errand I sent him out on.” 

How brilliant of him. Cassiopeia hates unexpected interruptions, but would never express her frustrations openly with so many people watching.

It’s amusing to see her grin and bear it. “That’s… quite alright, commander. I’m glad he made it before the end of the ceremony.”

When only Zoro remains to be appointed, you stand and call for the queen regent’s attention.

“Should he accept, this man shall be my personal knight.” You declare as Zoro’s gaze meets yours.

“What of your decision, knight?” Cassiopeia asks. Zoro nods, and the queen regent’s gaze sharpens. She understands that something is amiss, but passes the decorated blade to you without a word.

Back when you were children, you used to dream of this moment together. Kuina and Zoro would kneel before you on the grass beneath a shining sun, pledging their unwavering loyalty as you tap their shoulders with a stick.

You’re no longer children, but as Zoro kneels before you now, you still feel like a child all the same. Your clothes feel too big. The throne room is too vast; the ceiling too high. The sword is too heavy in your hands as you raise it.

“Roronoa Zoro. I hereby dub thee into the honorable order of knights as my chosen protector.” The blade lands on his shoulder—his right first, then the other. You pray to the stars that no one notices your hold quivering.

“Arise, Sir Zoro, and be recognized.”

You’re no longer children, but you’re still here. Playing a different sort of game.

Mihawk, the wise man that he is, makes himself scarce after the ceremony. You’re left to awkwardly journey back to your chambers with Zoro in tow. He doesn’t speak a word the entire time, but you can feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of your head. 

Selma is there when you get back, your usual afternoon refreshments prepared. She approaches you, but stops short when she sees Zoro.

“Leave us.” You tell her. She obeys, albeit reluctantly—looking back over her shoulder more than once as she exits.

After the door closes shut, the outside world feels a million miles away; making the air feel tense. You hastily take off your gloves, the fabric suddenly feels constricting against your skin. Every fiber of your being wants to scream at him.

Roronoa Zoro. Your best friend who had left all those years ago. You don’t even know where to start. 

Maybe throwing something at him will make you feel better. 

You throw one of your gloves. The fabric hits his chest before falling pathetically. 

“Seriously?” Zoro frowns at you, unimpressed. You throw the other one. It meets the same fate.

Grumbling under his breath, Zoro takes off his helmet. It vexes you how you subconsciously hold your breath until you see his face.

You huff skeptically, “Why are you here?”

“Mihawk said you needed help.” He answers with a shrug, causing his armor clink. 

After a breath, he speaks cautiously, “I didn’t know things had gotten this bad.”

“How could you have known?” You bite back, “You left, Zoro.”

In a sense, you understand why Mihawk chose him. You asked for someone who wouldn’t kill you in your sleep, and Zoro—at least, the one you knew—definitely wouldn’t.

Some (rational) part of your brain is telling you to keep quiet and accept his help. With Cassiopeia planning a mutiny, time is something you don’t have a lot of. 

But your heart still feels angry and hurt when you see his—stupidly handsome—face. The years just had to treat him well, didn’t they?

“I’m thankful for your help,” You admit disgruntledly. “But I’m not happy about it.”

Zoro calls your name. It makes your heart ache a bit, but you hold a hand up to silence him. 

“Please, just—I need time to process this, Zoro.” Turning away from the knight, your eyes find the window. The sunset paints the meadow in deep oranges and blues. It doesn’t make you feel any better.

“...We’ll talk tomorrow.” You promise, your tiredness evident from your tone.

Zoro lingers, hesitating. But he doesn’t push you. You hear his armor shift as he bows before he leaves.

That night, Zoro stands guard outside your door. It’s good that no one else is around, it allows him to think in peace. About you.

The last time Zoro saw you, you were a small thing, getting dirt on the edge of your skirt. When he saw you today, sullying even the path you walked on felt like a crime. 

He knew you would be mad. He had prepared himself to be yelled at. Maybe he thought you would cry. How much you went through didn’t really sink in until he saw how exhausted you were. 

All the things he wanted to say, every apology and excuse, fade into nothing. The first thing he wants to tell you is how thankful he is that you’re still alive. It doesn’t matter that you stay mad at him forever, he’ll protect you for just as long.

Footsteps sound through the dim hallway. Zoro rests a hand on his blades, ready to fight back anyone who poses a threat. A knight he’s not acquainted with approaches, his steps staggering just a bit. The man carries a bottle of alcohol.

“Hey! New guy!” The stranger bellows. “This ’ere is a little something we prepared for ya, since yous didn’t eat dinner with us.” Zoro makes a mental note that they’ve been watching him.

“Take it, take it.” The knight tries to shove the bottle into Zoro’s hands. At the last second, Zoro spots a knife the man hides behind his back.

Quick on his feet, Zoro jabs the man’s neck, causing him to stumble. The knight charges at him, but Zoro effortlessly dodges. Grabbing the knight’s shoulder, Zoro slams his head onto the stone wall.

The bottle clatters to the floor as his opponent collapses, looking up at him in fear. Picking up the glass, Zoro sniffs at its contents. It’s laced with some sort of sedative. 

Zoro pries the knight’s jaw open before pouring the drugged beverage into his mouth. The amber liquid spills. The man coughs, gurgling and struggling in vain until he slumps onto the ground.

Observing the bottle inquisitively, Zoro shakes his head before dropping it again. What kind of amateurish attempt was this? Is the queen regent testing his skills? 

If anything, all this managed to do was—Zoro starts, turning to your door in alarm—…divert his attention.

Not a second later, he kicks down your door. The elaborately carved wood falls from its hinges, dust clouds billow once it crashes on the previously spotless tiles of your room.

You’re fighting off three large strangers clad in black, a dagger in your hand. Zoro tries not to think about how your eyes softened in relief when they landed on him as he cuts down one of the intruders. Maybe you still care for him a little.

“Took you long enough!” Or not.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” He grunts back, slashing his sword at someone charging towards you. Zoro only realizes the deeper meaning to his words when you make a face. 

“Don’t make being late a habit, Zoro!” Stabbing an intruder’s side, you quip at him, “You and your dramatic entrances, I swear.”

Zoro bites back a grin. He missed you more than you’ll ever know. 

After taking down one of the intruders, you hide in your wardrobe as Zoro deals with the rest.

It would be smart to lock the door. Barricade it, so that no one can get to you on the off chance Zoro is defeated. But you don’t. You keep the door ajar to watch everything unfold. The way he fights is a captivating sight.

Look at him. Your knight in lackluster armor. Protecting you like how you always talked about as kids. He’s wielding two blades, one for each perpetrator still standing. You blink in surprise when you make out the third, sheathed blade. Kuina’s.

The more you examine him, the more you see how different he seems. He carries himself more confidently, unlike that boy who whined about roles, responsibilities and challenges. 

You also see how gruff he’s become. He’s grown stronger, for sure, but you get the sense that he’s closed himself off from the world. Perhaps the years weren’t as kind to him as you'd thought.

The last intruder lets out a pitiful cry as Zoro knocks him unconscious.

“I’ll tie them up and let Mihawk deal with them in the morning.” Zoro says, pausing to breathe for a moment before dragging the men out by their feet.

Emerging from your wardrobe, you become dismayed at the sight of your room in such a state. “Did you really have to kick down the door?” You groan.

Surprisingly, Zoro blanks, appearing sheepish. “...I didn’t know it would break like that. I just—you should get a damn better door.” He mumbles, heaving the doors up and resting them against the wall outside.

When he comes back from restraining the intruders, he stands before you awkwardly—like he doesn’t know what to do when he’s not fighting or cleaning up bodies.

No one says anything. You both just take each other in, not completely recognizing the person that looks back.

You don’t feel so angry at him anymore. When all’s said and done, everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. Your heart only grows conflicted, wishing you had been there for each other instead of being apart. Goodness knows you could have used someone by your side. You’re sure he did as well.

“I—” Zoro falters. “...I’m glad you’re okay.”

‘Okay’ isn’t how you would describe your current state, but you nod anyway. 

“You too, Zoro.”

In a secluded alcove in the royal gardens the following afternoon, you invite Mihawk for tea on the pretense of thanking him for your newly sworn knight. The story that spread was that you would have been done for were it not for Zoro. You don’t want to think about how true that might be.

“The queen regent is furious you were able to secure a knight loyal to you.” Mihawk informs you as he helps himself to some pastries. “We should avoid meeting for a while, lest she suspect anything of me.”

“Alright.” You agree. “Selma also informed me that we can gather statements from mistreated staff.” You show Mihawk a list of names. “If enough of them support us, and if we can prove Cassiopeia orchestrated what happened last night… We can take her down.”

“She will be busy attending a gala this evening. I’ll make sure no one is near her office while she’s gone.” Mihawk turns to Zoro, who is standing guard behind you, sending him a fearsome look. “Those men got a tad too close last night—”

“Mihawk.” You warn him to drop it. He doesn’t.

“Ensure that it doesn’t happen again, young man.” 

“It won’t.” Zoro replies icily. The commander only huffs in response. 

‘It won't happen.’, he said. But trouble finds you when Zoro steps on a tripwire in Cassiopeia's office. Arrows soar, launching from scattered, hidden contraptions. Zoro shoves you into a bookshelf, covering your frame with his.

“So much for her not finding out we were here.” You remark sarcastically, waiting for him to step back.

But then, as they cage your head, Zoro’s arms tense up. His expression contorts in discomfort.

“...Zoro?” Raising your hands, you cradle the sides of his face.

“Damn arrows,” He growls. “I think they’re poisoned.”

“What?!” You gasp, ducking under his arm to check his back. You find a wound where an arrow grazed his skin. “Of course you get injured when you don’t wear your armor.”

“Why don’t you try sneaking around in that thing, then?” Zoro argues, but you’re startled when the wound begins to bleed.

“We need to get you treated.” Panicking, you grab his arm and pull him along. He doesn’t budge. “Zoro, we should go.”

“No.” He refuses, hissing in pain all the while. “That bitch won’t let us find a way in here again. Let’s just be quick.”

“...Fine.” You cave, still worried, hating that he’s right. “At least stay still, search the desk. I’ll handle everything else.”

Zoro relents, opening every drawer and scanning every document in them. You turn your attention to the shelves, trying to find hidden compartments or anything that looks remotely suspicious.

It's not long before a loud crash makes you wince. Zoro found something.

A panel beneath the desk detaches, revealing an ornate box. Studying it, you hum, “It looks like we’ll need a key.” Zoro unsheathes one of his blades, cutting through the lock until it cracks open. 

You shake your head. “Or we could do that, sure.”

However, instead of the nefarious plans or blueprints you were hoping for, you find old papers. All of them yellowing with age. 

“It’s your handwriting.” Zoro points out, picking up the first document.

“What?” You lean in, reading the file over his shoulder. It’s a letter written to acknowledge a transfer of money. But the amount is astronomical, and you don’t remember signing anything of the sort.

“Look at the date.” Pointing to the corner, it reads more than ten years ago. And then it clicks, “My mother wrote this.”

“There’s more than one.” Zoro sifts through the papers, counting over ten.

“All of them are addressed to… Shimotsuki Koushirou?” He reads the name slowly. You look at each other, confused. Why would Queen Florentia be sending payments to Kuina’s father?

A tall longcase clock chimes to signal the hour. If you clean up now and review the evidence later, you can make it look like you were never here. You instruct Zoro to pack up the box.

“We should head out soon.” You say, moving to pick up the arrows scattered on the floor. 

“Be careful.” Zoro reminds you.

“I am.” You show him that you’re holding the arrows by their tail ends. “You can go ahead, if you want. Get that wound treated.”

“Do you really think I would leave you?” You can’t help the incredulous look you send his way. 

“...Forget I said anything.”

Back in your chambers, you twirl an arrow you decided to keep as evidence while examining the documents sprawled out on your carpet. 

Zoro grabs it from your hand. “I thought I told you to be careful with that.”

You think aloud as he sets the arrow to the side, “I just can’t figure out why my mother gave Koushirou so much money.”

“Maybe she felt bad about the accident.” Your swordsman suggests. “We all did.”

“But why did she have to keep it quiet…” Mumbling in thought, you read the last receipt Queen Florentia signed. It had been penned the week of her death.

The sky grows darker, and it becomes more difficult to see. Zoro strikes a match to light a few candles, bathing the room in a subtle, warm light.

Beneath the dim, flickering flames, the sharp arrow on your tea table glints ominously. 

It took you a long while to get over spacing out whenever you saw an arrow. It was one of the things that affected you after Kuina’s passing.

Sometimes, you think of how much better everything would be if she was still here. If it weren’t for that—

…accident?

“Zoro?” Your voice is unsteady, “...What do you remember about Kuina’s death?”

“It was some new guy at the training grounds.” He answers, frowning as he recalls what happened. “He misfired, and his knighthood got revoked after that.”

“But,” Memories come flooding back as you try to piece things together. “If the archers were practicing that day, what was Kuina doing in the grounds?”

“Kuina wasn’t in the grounds.” Zoro corrects you. “She was in that meadow we always went to.” 

He points to the view outside, raising a finger to trace the horizon. “The arrow flew through the fence, but it was really dangerous, even—” 

Zoro turns back to you with wide eyes. “Even the queen was almost hit! Holy shit, she was there to observe that day.” 

You blink at him in disbelief, “My mother was the real target.”

“And she didn’t want the culprit to know she realized, which is why she kept quiet about the money.” 

You collapse into a chair as you run your hands over your head. “Did anyone ever check the arrow for poison?”

“No.” Zoro’s face crumples. “She was hit straight in the heart... She wouldn’t have made it even if it wasn’t poisoned.”

“Oh, Kuina…” You choke back a sob, covering your face with both hands. “I’m so sorry it took us this long.”

“Wait.” Zoro calls out your name, taking your hand and kneeling in front of you. The strength of his grip hurts, but you don’t mind it. You need to feel that he’s with you right now; especially when his next question makes your heart fall through the floor.

“How did your mother die?” 

“She—she got sick. A lot of our people got sick that year.” You answer shakily, not liking where this is going. “Do you think…”

“Queen Florentia could have been poisoned.” Zoro whispers. “And I bet that fake bitch was responsible for it. For Kuina’s death too.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” You counter, “Cassiopeia deals with poisons, sure, but she wasn’t even in the kingdom yet then.” 

“...Someone must have betrayed your mother so Cassiopeia could be queen regent.” He suggests, rubbing circles into your palm. “Because isn’t it convenient, how she was there to bring the people together after Her Majesty died?”

It’s confusing how the world seems to have slowed down, and yet your mind is spinning so quickly, you can’t process anything. You squeeze Zoro’s hand to anchor you, but you shatter all the same. 

“I hate everything.” You cry, tears streaming down your face. “I hate how I didn’t know—but we were kids! How were we supposed to know? And, I hate feeling so powerless. What—how, are we going to fix this?”

“We’ll find a way, I promise.” Zoro moves to embrace your form, but you glare at him.

“You. I hate you too.” You push him away weakly, but he doesn’t let you go. “I—I hate that you left, Zoro… You have no idea how lost I was.”

His eyes glisten with tears. “I was lost without you too.”

Zoro feels you melt into his arms. Your strength just vanishes, and you slump forward until your forehead touches his.

“...Don’t leave me then.” You whisper. You beg.

He holds your cheek, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Never.”

The last thing you remember before falling asleep is Zoro pressing the softest kiss to your temple as he tucks you in bed.

Selma barges in the next morning, slamming the (newly repaired) doors open. As you rub the sleep from your eyes, you’re starting to feel sad for the abuse your doors have been going through lately.

“Princess! Your Ladyship! Your Highness—” She stops abruptly, covering her mouth, looking scandalized. What is she so flabbergasted by—

Only then do you see Zoro sleeping on the floor beside you. He’s leaning on the bed, using his forearms as a pillow. One of his hands is intertwined tightly with yours.

“Your Highness!” Selma gasps playfully, gesturing to your mother’s portrait. “Right in front of Her Majesty!”

“Selma,” You sit up, letting go of Zoro’s hand. “Did you have anything important to report?”

“Ah!” She exclaims, face becoming worried once more, “The commander has been imprisoned!”

You curse, shaking Zoro’s shoulder to wake him. “Couldn’t you have told me that first?”

“Forgive me, princess. It’s not everyday I see you holding hands with a man. May I ask who confessed first, Your Highness?”

“Oh my god, Selma.” You groan. “Just go prepare my clothes.”

“Shall I dress you, or will Sir Zoro—”

“Selma!”

If Zoro heard any of Selma’s ramblings, he’s excellent at hiding it. You both get ready in record time. After which, he leads the way to the dungeons; careful to make sure you don’t run into anyone. 

“We can sneak him out through that secret passage we used to play in.” You whisper, your knight nods. 

“When we get to him, break the lock with your dagger. I’ll stand guard in case someone comes over.”

But someone already beat you to Mihawk’s cell. Zoro pulls you into a shadowed corner to hide.

The queen regent paces in front of the bars, her extravagant dress and cape out of place in this gloomy dungeon. 

Mihawk is on the ground, his wrists chained with heavy shackles. Yoru is noticeably missing from his back. Seeing him like this is heartbreaking.

“I should have known you’d help that wench.” Cassiopeia sneers. “You’ll regret not siding with me soon enough, Dracule.”

“Now that you’ve found me out, I can finally ask you to stop calling me that.” Mihawk yawns. “My name always sounded revolting in your voice.” Crazy bastard, will it kill him to try to stay alive?

“But Florentia called you that, didn’t she?” 

Zoro squints at how something about Mihawk changes at the mention of your mother. It’s almost imperceptible, but the air shifts dangerously. The queen regent should watch her mouth.

“Her name sounds revolting in your voice too.”

Cassiopeia scoffs. “You’re just like her. Thinking you’re better than everyone else.”

“Aren’t you talking about yourself?” Mihawk leans back, crossing his legs. “That’s not a good habit, Cassie.”

The queen regent kicks the cell. Mihawk doesn't flinch as she snarls, “I’ll deal with the princess and that knight... I’ll make you watch as the light fades from their eyes.” Gathering her skirt, her heels clack loudly as she stomps away.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, you and Zoro run to the commander.

“Mihawk!” You call out as you stab the lock with your dagger. It crumbles to the ground after a few strikes. “What happened? What did she charge you with?”

“Treason, apparently.” He shrugs, the chains holding him rattling together.

Mihawk goes on as you break his shackles, “This kingdom should be grateful we’re trying at all. We could easily leave them to their own devices—” You frown at him. 

“...But of course, we won’t do that.”

Sneaking into the library, you regroup with Selma; who passes on vital information.

“The queen regent has the palace on lockdown. Everyone has orders to take you in.” She tells you. “But I’ve rallied the staff. We're going to plead your case to the ministers, Your Highness.”

“Thank you. Do you have my mother's letters?” She nods. “Good. Use them well. I'll make sure your efforts will not go to waste.” You say, giving her hands a firm squeeze. 

“Where’s that fake queen now?” Zoro looks eager for a fight.

“One of the butlers said that the queen regent disappears sometimes, and no one knows where she goes.” Selma explains, passing you a note from her source. “There are rumors that she smells like grass when she returns.”

Mihawk lets out a disbelieving laugh, “She must be at the secret garden.”

“The what?” You ask. That sounds exactly like something you would have loved as a child, but why haven’t you heard of it before?

“It’s a place reserved for queens. Only crowned monarchs should be allowed in there, or even know where it is.” He says. “That woman truly doesn’t know her place.”

“Why do you know about it?” Zoro asks.

After a pause, the older swordsman deflects, “I’ve been called a queen once.”

“Mihawk,” You urge him to be serious. “Can you take us there?”

Before he responds, Mihawk looks at you with something you can’t fully discern, as if he’s recalling an old memory.

“Of course. It’s your birthright, after all.”

The entrance to the secret garden is hidden in a passageway beneath the greenhouse. You imagine your mother walking along this path, to a sanctuary she could truly call her own.

But the vision darkens when you think of how Cassiopeia has been using the space all this time. You hope you're still able to recognize traces of your mother when you get there.

An iron gate stands at the end of the path. Vines tangle through the metal spirals and flowers. Mihawk holds a finger to his lips, carefully opening the gates without a sound except for the rustling of leaves. You all crouch behind a large plant that fans out, over your heads.

And then, you see it. You see what your mother left for you.

The centerpiece of the garden is an intricate pedestal, Yoru is propped up against it. On top of it, however, is a glass case displaying your mother’s most treasured golden necklace.

You almost want to run to it, but Zoro grabs your arm, warning you not to take another step. He nods towards where Cassiopeia stands in front of oddly shaped vials and strange devices containing diff chemicals. She douses a sword with an eerie purple liquid as she speaks.

“Three against one... That hardly seems fair.” She kisses her teeth. Looking over her shoulder, she glares. “Why don’t we fight on even ground?”

Out of nowhere, a large cage falls towards the three of you. Mihawk pushes you and Zoro out of the way, but isn’t able to avoid the cage himself.

“And I just escaped. What a shame.” Mihawk fusses, but you can see that he’s relieved you’re alright.

“Maybe you’re meant to be in a cell, Dracule.” Cassiopeia remarks. “I’ll have your kids join you shortly.”

There’s only one of her, this should be easy, right?

She throws a bottle at you. Luckily, you’re able to dodge it. The bottle shatters, its contents spilling over the bystanding greenery. The liquid turns out to be acid, burning through the foliage and leaving a smoky trail. 

Well, fuck.

Zoro also seems to realize how serious this fight is. For the first time since you’ve reunited, he unsheathes Kuina’s sword, placing the hilt in his mouth.

You brandish your dagger as you yell, “Really? You bite it? What would Kuina say?” He sends you a look. You try not to laugh.

And in the next second, you charge at Cassiopeia together.

It’s difficult to get close enough to land a hit. The queen regent leads you in a dance of acids and poisons. You dodge one bottle only to be met with the toxic end of her blade. It seems that your mother’s dagger won’t be enough in this fight.

“I didn't get this far to be stopped by the likes of you!” Shrieking, she lunges at you.

“You will never be queen!” You roar back.

Behind her, your eyes spot Yoru leaning on the pedestal. The blade is large and intimidating, and you’re not entirely sure if you can wield it correctly… But you might not have a choice right now.

As you were distracted, Cassiopeia’s sword almost cuts through your side. Panicking, you stumble backwards. Zoro slashes at your enemy’s wrist. Her hold on the poisoned weapon falters. It plummets with a clang.

While she’s occupied with Zoro, you rush towards Yoru. From behind the bars, Mihawk watches, holding his breath as you wrap both hands around Yoru’s hilt—but the damn thing is too heavy. 

“Dear princess, you should have learned from your mother!” Cassiopeia smashes a bottle on Zoro’s head. “Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!”

The glass explodes into countless glittering shards. A red gas escapes into the air, and your knight inhales far too much of it.

He falls, and for that moment, the entire rest of the world vanishes until all you see is him. Your ears start to ring. His grip loosens on his swords. 

No. Please. Not him. Not anyone else. No more.

Mihawk calls your name. You turn to him, on the verge of breaking down. But then, he nods once, slowly. The action reminds you to breathe—filling you with an overwhelming sense of strength. You can do this.

Screaming, you attempt to brandish Yoru again. 

You swing the legendary greatsword in a perfect arc. Once it collides with the ground, the air ripples. Power surges through an invisible force headed straight for the queen regent. She tries to run, but the hit lands.

Her eyes don’t stray from yours as she collapses. In her final moments, she falls from grace, howling in agony and rage. 

As a last ditch attempt, she throws one last vial of acid at Zoro. You’re about to curse the world all over again as you run to stop it.

Mihawk throws a tiny sword like a dart, miraculously breaking the container before it lands on your knight. Your knees give out, and you pull Zoro into your arms as you gasp for air.

It’s done.

Zoro wakes up to the feeling of you checking his temperature. Your hand is warm against his forehead, making him want to reach up and hold it. He should probably wake up and check on you now.

“Oh.” He hears Mihawk speak, “I didn’t realize your relationship took a certain… turn.”

On second thought, another minute of sleep won’t hurt.

“Not you too, Mihawk.” You groan. “I get enough of that from Selma.”

“Ah, yes. I heard.” The swordsman deadpans, “Hand holding. How scandalous.”

“Alright, if you’re not going to be of any help whatsoever, please just go.”

“If you wanted time alone with him, you could have just said so.”

“Goodbye, Mihawk.”

Zoro hears you escort Mihawk out, and he takes the moment alone to open his eyes. He’s in his quarters, which is a few doors down from yours so that he can easily get to you. 

Not that he stays here often, Zoro prefers standing guard outside your chambers. It’s strange how he lasted years without seeing you, because now that you’re back in each other’s lives, he becomes restless whenever you’re not around. 

Like right now. What’s taking you so long?

The door opens. Zoro perks up, but deflates when he sees that it’s Selma bringing in a pitcher of water. 

“You could’ve at least hidden your disappointment better, Sir Zoro.” She huffs at him, taking full offense. “I’ll go get your princess.”

“Oh!” She yelps excitedly, “My bad, it’s queen anointed now, isn’t it?”

Zoro smiles, his voice raspy with sleep, “That has a nice ring to it.”

“Indeed, it does.” Selma nods, bidding him farewell. 

He doesn’t have to wait long to hear your rushing footsteps. The door opens again to reveal you, this time. Your eyes shine in that really pretty way they do when you’re happy. He’s glad that’s among the things that didn’t change.

Zoro opens his arms, inviting you, “Come here.”

Not needing to be told twice, you fall into his arms, burying your face in his chest.

“You’re okay.” You murmur.

“I wasn’t about to miss your coronation, Your Majesty.” Zoro pokes your nose. He did that a lot when you were kids, you forgot how much you liked it.

“Thank you for being okay.” Leaning down, you kiss his cheek softly.

Zoro brushes his fingers through your hair. He holds your face in his hands, tracing your features as if that will help him memorize the happiness he feels in his heart. The sort of happiness he thought was lost to him forever.

“Hey,” Zoro speaks your name with care. “I love you a lot, you know.”

He always envisioned confessing to you in some dramatic, elaborate way that you’d deserve. There could have been a beautiful sunset. He would’ve brought flowers.

But he was wrong. All he needs are the words themselves, and you—smiling the way you’re smiling at him now. 

You laugh, “I might love you more, I think.”

Zoro shakes his head, sitting up so that he can bring his face to yours properly. “Doubt it.”

The kiss tastes like magic, like you were always meant to find each other's lips. His heart starts doing something funny, and he has to pull you closer—hold you tighter. You respond eagerly, kissing him back so intoxicatingly that he’ll remember the softness of your lips for as long as he lives.

Later that week, your coronation is a grand and extravagant affair.

When Cassiopeia's misdeeds came to light, the people banded together to celebrate her downfall. Those loyal to her either surrendered or tried to escape. Although none of them were able to get away, since Zoro and Mihawk were ruthless towards those involved in the attempted mutiny.

The crown on your head will take some to get used to. It still feels like you're borrowing something of your mother's; but instead of shying away from it like you had before, you step into it openly. You're ready to become a successor worthy to carry on her legacy of kindness and strength.

Uncharted these waters may be, at least you have Zoro now, who would dive into any perilous sea right after you.

Escaping the celebratory banquet and the revelries, you visit Queen Florentia and Kuina's graves with Zoro. It's only right that you pay respects together.

You leave flowers on your mother's headstone, thanking her for everything she did. You're startled when Zoro takes one of his swords, holding it in front of him as he kneels in front of the previous queen.

“Your Majesty, Queen Florentia,” He speaks, his tone steady and sure. “I, Roronoa Zoro, vow to never leave your daughter’s side. I will protect her until I draw my last breath. I swear to cherish her, and to love her even in my next life.”

What is he doing, making you cry like this? It turns out that emotional boy you knew is still somewhere in there. Your heart feels full, knowing your mother would have appreciated the gesture.

As you're about to move on to Kuina's grave, Zoro motions for you to go ahead without him. You look at him strangely, but do as he says to give him some space. 

Mihawk emerges from the treeline when you've gone far enough.

“You look like you’re about to leave without saying goodbye.” Zoro remarks.

“Of course you’d know how that works, hm?” Mihawk challenges, raising a sharp brow. “Try even thinking about leaving and I’ll return to make sure it’s your last thought."

“Didn't you just hear the oath I made to the love of your life?” Zoro turns to Florentia's tombstone again. “Your Majesty, back me up here.”

“She would have approved of you.” Mihawk’s frown is unimpressed, but his gaze is unmistakably caring. 

“...Take care of her, Zoro.”

“Of course. I promise.”

As Mihawk walks away, Zoro asks him one last question, “How are your regrets now, old man?”

The former commander’s shoulders shake in a mixture of amusement and relief. “I suspect they'll heal, with time.”

When Zoro catches up to you at Kuina's grave, you're grinning at him. He can picture that same grin on Kuina's face if she were here. 

“We were just talking about you.” You jest, “All bad things, too.”

“You had nothing to talk about, then.” Zoro sits on the grass beside you. “I’m perfect for you.”

Appalled, you scoff and turn to Kuina's headstone. “Can you believe this guy?”

That day, you talked for hours, even after the sun had set. And on the trek back to the palace, a soft breeze caressed your skin. It felt like Kuina encouraging you, sending you off onto the next chapter of your lives.

Zoro becomes Captain of the Royal Guard once Mihawk leaves. He's teaching you about weapons and self defense when he picks up your dagger to inspect it, turning it this way and that curiously.

“Is there something wrong with it?” You ask, observing it too.

“This pattern and material.” Zoro says, tracing a certain swirl on the weapon. “I feel like I've seen it before.”

“Ah,” He says in realization, tracing a finger down your neck and making you shiver. “It’s the pattern on your necklace.”

“My mother must have had them made together.” You say, unclasping the chain before handing it to him.

There's a gap in the center of the pendant. Thin and barely noticeable, but it looks like it can be opened by something sharp.

“Do you mind if I,” Zoro gestures at the dagger.

“Just don't break it.” You say. “Treat it like my heart.”

Zoro makes a face that pulls a laugh out of you. “I would never do this to your heart.” Aw. You might have melted a little.

The tip of the blade slots perfectly into the pendant. After twisting it slowly like a key, the metal clicks to reveal: a locket.

Handing it over to you carefully, Zoro lets you open it the rest of the way. Inside, there are images drawn on two panels. You, as a child on one side… and Mihawk on the other. Now you understand why your mother treasured this so much. Tearing up, you sigh.

“You’re not surprised.” Zoro notes.

“...I think a part of me always knew.” You respond. “And, I definitely felt something when I held Yoru. No wonder why.”

Treading carefully, Zoro wraps his arms around your waist as he asks, “You’re not upset that he left?”

“But he didn’t. He’ll always be there for me, and so will you.” You smile up at him. “I’m happy I found my family again.”

Many years ago…

The grass on the meadow bristles gently in the wind. Dusk bathes the land in a dreamy, gold and purple hue. 

After a day filled with imaginary adventures, two children wave their dearest friend goodbye. The princess smiles at them fondly before returning to the castle.

Kuina grins, face eager as she points her training sword to the sky. “I’ll be her knight someday. I’ll be commander and everything.”

Zoro jolts, immediately expressing in protest, “No, I’ll be the one to protect her! I’ll be commander!”

“Oh yeah?” The girl’s smile turns knowing. She pokes Zoro’s waist with her sword. “How will you do that? Aren’t you going to marry her?”

Stunned, Zoro can only stare at her in response. A blush creeps up his neck, reddening the tips of his ears. Kuina seizes the opportunity to make a run for it.

“Princess, wait up! Zoro wants to tell you something!”

“Kuina! Get back here!”

read the companion piece / my notes / the timeline of this story (in mihawk's perspective) here : "the taste of ale"

© togenabi 2023 | see here to be added to my taglist ♡

tags: @songsofadelaide-archive @ay0nha @amitydoodlez @sweetexistentialism @murnsondock @starszns @msmisasoup @writingmysanity @hotchocolattee @dimplewonie @hearts4zoro @kenkenmaaa @appalost @commanderfreethatdust @onebatch--twobatch @rebeccawinters @gunslxtz @akakaze @lownna

[sainzsiren]

"i happen to love happiness"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

pairing... op81 x norris!reader

now playing... daylight by taylor swift

summary... lando is not happy about the developments between his teammate and his sister

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

liked by oscarpiastri, alexandeasaintmluex, lilymhe, and others

yourusername girls love monaco, proud of you lan

view comments:

mclaren our favorite sibling duo!

yourusername also your only sibling duo??

landonorris you're going to make me lose my job

user y/n being an icon as always

lilymhe gf 😍😍

yourusername gf 😍😍

user oh to have norris genes

user ikr every day i wake up mad that i dont look like a norris sibling

landonorris thanks for coming, y/n/n

yourusername 🫶

user them still using their childhood nicknames for each other is my favorite thing ever

alexandrasaintmluex mother

yourusername 💍?

charles_leclerc seriously y/n

alex_albon you get used to it 😊

yourusername you guys are just mad i stole your bitchessss

user the day y/n gets pr trained is the day i die

user i'm new to f1, is it a big deal that oscar is in her likes?

user no, lando and oscar are very close so it makes sense that y/n and oscar follow each other and like each other's posts. especially bc y/n is somewhat of an influencer

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and others

mclaren a very requested norris siblings dump!

view comments:

landonorris whos that ugly rat next to me in all these photos

yourusername die.

danielricciardo awe look they used to get along

landonorris false, we chased each other with knives

yourusername false, i chased you and you cried

user y/n being the younger sibling and the chaser is my favorite thing ever

oscarpiastri my favorite norris and her annoying older brother

user WOAHHHH OSCAR

user oscar i was not aware of your game

landonorris excuse you?

charles_leclerc scureriaferrari where's mine and arthur's dump 🤨🤨

scureriaferrari our bad, on it

mclaren copycats

user oh how i love admin beef

yourusername's story

view reply from landonorris

landonorris y/n/n

landonorris what the fuck

landonorris where are you

landonorris who is he

yourusername jesus lando no "i hope it goes well"

landonorris i hope it goes terribly you're too young to dare

yourusername IM 21?!?!

view reply from georgerussell63

georgerussell63 i was asked to check in on you

yourusername everything's going great, thank you george

view reply from alex_albon

alex_albon i was also asked to check in on you

yourusername i promise it's all fine tell lando to calm down

view reply from carlossainz55

carlossainz55 he's sitting in your apartment waiting for you to come home btw

yourusername great.

view reply from lilymhe

lilymhe GIRLS DATE TOMORROW I NEED DETAILS

yourusername 🫡

TWITTER:

landonorris this is my formal request for everyone to go on a manhunt for my sister and this boy (i just gagged while typing that) she is on a date with. she is at a nice italian restaurant in monaco. internet do your thing.

user overprotective brother lando has made his public debut

user lando i have some unfortunate news for you.

landonorris WHAT

user oscar was just spotted at a nice italian restaurant in monaco

landonorris no.

f1wagupdates oscar piastri was just seen with who appears to be lando norris's sister, y/n norris. y/n posted a picture of their meal on her instagram story with the caption "first date, kinda nervous" and tagged monaco as a broad location. what do we think?

view attached image

user oh my god they're adorable

landonorris i just vomited

danielricciardo oh this is fun

user i cannot wait to see how this unfolds

landonorris oscarpiastri if what i am is hearing is true, count your fucking days.

user a non-pr trained norris strikes again

INSTAGRAM

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe, francisca.cgomez, and others

yourusername i can explain

view comments

landonorris y/n im nauseous

landonorris how could you do this to me

landonorris no point in soft launching i already know you betrayed me

yourusername i will explain if you come to my apartment and KNOCK instead of breaking in

landonorris will HE be there

yourusername no.

yourusername food will be provided

landonorris deal

georgerussell63 ok this is cute

landonorris GEORGE YOU TRAITOR

maxverstappen1 y/n you're going to kill your brother with a heart attack

yourusername good 😊

user THEYRE SO CUTE

user ahhhh y/n in her gf era

user more like wag era!!

fransisca.cgomez im so happy for you 🥹

yourusername ily kiks

lilymhe ❤️

liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc you torturing lando is incredible

yourusername thanks i've had lots of time to train and perfect my abilities

danielricciardo ok but on a real note you deserve this, so glad you're happy

yourusername this is why you're my second favorite driver 🫶

landonorris IVE BEEN DEMOTED TO 3RD?!?

yourusername pls you're 18th

user bye i want to know who y/n has beef with on the grid

oscarpiastri 🫂

liked by yourusername

user THIS IS GETTING REALLL

liked by yourusername, mclaren, logansargeant, and others

oscarpiastri 🧡

tagged yourusername

view comments

user OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING ITS OFFICIAL

yourusername ❣️

liked by oscarpiastri

lilymhe this is the cutest thing ive ever seen

alex_albon i tell you im in love with you in your comments??

lilymhe shush alex

landonorris hello.

oscarpiastri hello.

yourusername LADIES, LADIES! THERES ENOUGH OF ME TO GO AROUND

user oh how i love yn

logansargeant OSCAR??? WITH A GIRLFRIEND?? THIS IS UNHEARD OF

oscarpiastri 😐

mclaren so... need another paddock pass for canada?

oscarpiastri yes 😅

landonorris no

user my ynoscar heart cant take this

user THE SUNSET DATE??

user THE AQUARIUM DATE??

landonorris bleh.

TWITTER

landonorris oscar jack piastri i am in your walls

yourusername he was actually just in mine this morning 😊

user Y/N 😭

landonorris OH MY GOD Y/N

landonorris YOU'RE LITERALLY A CHILD YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THAT

landonorris ARE YOU AT LEAST BEING SAFE???

f1tea make the replies lando's search history

user how to get my little sister's boyfriend to leave her but not hurt her feelings

user are condoms 100% effective

user oscar piastri social security number

user how long until the average couple breaks up

user should i be happy that my sister is in a relationship

user what to do if you don't get along with your teammate anymore

user oscar piastri mclaren contract end date

user oscar piastri dating history

user oscar piastri location

INSTAGRAM

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, yourusername, and others

landonorris look at what i have to deal with. i hate happiness.

tagged yourusername, oscarpiastri

view comments

yourusername awe lando this is probably the sweetest thing you've ever done in response to my relationship

landonorris stfu i'll delete this

user norris sibling bond has not been broken

user WAR IS OVER (??)

maxverstappen1 i see some of the convincing worked

landonorris don't flatter yourself

maxverstappen1 i actually take full credit for this

georgerussell63 hey it was a group effort

alex_albon ^

charles_leclerc ^

carlossainz55 ^

danielricciardo ^

logansargeant ^

lewishamilton ^

oscarpiastri am i allowed back at your house or no

landonorris you may come if you feel so inclined

zbrownceo see lando supporting your family is good for you

landonorris meh 2/10 experience

liked by oscarpiastri, kellypiquet, alexandrasaintmluex, and others

yourusername i happen to love happiness ❣️

tagged oscarpiastri

view comments

lilymhe AWEEEEEEEE

liked by yourusername

iamrebeccad this is precious

liked by yourusername

logansargeans he's giggling and kicking his feet rn

oscarpiastri am not

georgerussell63 are too

alex_albon are too

alexandeasaintmluex my favorite ❤️

yourusername i love u

user YNOSCAR HAS MY ENTIRE HEART

user how can they be so cute

francesca.cgomez y/n/n and her boy 🥹

liked by yourusername

oscarpiastri you're my favorite person

yourusername and you're mine

landonorris gag

yourusername FUCK OFF LANDO

landonorris i am still nauseous but this is growing on me

yourusername jesus finally

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Danny's final Interview with Tim Drake for the Wayne Enterprise's Space Program Operation Janus Crew... Demon Twin AU.

Danny had been waiting for his offer letter from WE to be officially part of the Janus Crew. He'd done all the standard rigorous testing and passed with flying colors. He'd talked to every single head engineer and interviewed at all levels to prove that he was the man for this mission. It was as good as gold, so Danny was surprised when he got a call from the PA to Tim Drake, the CEO himself, to come in for a final interview. Just a formality and mostly just to meet the man who was going to be the poster boy for their program. Makes sense, but is unnerving, nonetheless.

The second he walks into the office space, Tam Fox seemingly does a double take, blinking a few times when he explains that he's there for a final interview. She nods and he proceeds as if nothing about that was weird.

Tim Drake has four laptops in front of him and a scattering of papers, but looking up to see Danny, he closes them all and the image of a scattered young man trying to run a Fortune 500 company is replaced with some one of deadly capability.

"Danny Fenton. Great to meet you, I appreciate you coming by today." Tim says, but Danny can see the sharks fin in the water.

"Of course, I'm excited to be part of the Crew." Danny throws back, making it clear right away that Tim needs to cut to the chase if Danny's not going to be an astronaut with WE. NASA will take him back in a heartbeat if WE is going to try and play games.

"We're excited to have you, everyone speaks of you like the next Armstrong or Aldrin. I just had a few questions, as an informality, that I wanted answered."

"I feel like I've answered every question there could be about me, but go ahead. I'm an open book."

"Great. I suppose I'll start with asking about your adoptive family, the Fentons. Were they good to you when you transitioned to their home?"

"...It's not common knowledge that I'm adopted. Mom and Dad are fine. We have a strained relationship now because of my teenage rebellion but I still go home for most holidays." Danny is on edge, but also a bit excited? How did Tim find this out?

"I see. I'm an adopted child myself, you can understand maybe why I asked. Do you have any relationship with your birth family?" Tim asks, but its clear he's asking something else. Danny calls it how he sees it.

"What are you trying to find out? I mean really, you're very polite but this doesn't have to do with my job."

"I'll cut to the chase then. Do you hold any allegiance to Ra's al Ghul or the League of Assassins?"

"Woah." Danny blinks.

"Woah as in you're surprised I found out, or Woah in surprise that you've been found out?"

"Woah as in, what the fuck, I haven't thought of his name in decades. I escaped pretty young after being abused from birth."

"That's what I needed to know. You have a sister through the Fentons, and a cousin that I suspect is a clone, any other siblings?" Tim asks, his to the point question making Danny's head spin. How the fuck did this guy know about Dani?

"How do you-"

"Any other siblings, Danny?" Tim repeats, cutting him off.

"...Yeah. I should have a twin running around out there. But if this has to do with whatever crazy bullshit he might be up to, I swear i'm not in contact with him or his family. I haven't been since I freed myself."

Tim looks like he's contemplating something, his eyes are still evaluating Danny as though he were a frog in freshman year Bio.

"I have a little brother, Danny, and it's interesting. He's not particularly fascinated by space but he likes to keep up with all the astronauts. I took it upon myself to research you once you came on the roster two years ago for this position. I know you're capable and I had no doubt that you'd be the man for the job. Then I saw your picture."

"You... saw my picture?"

"My brother watches out for Astronauts because he holds onto the hope that someone from his past might be one some day. That it might lead to their reconciliation." Tim clarifies.

Danny can't do anything but stare. No. No way.

"I told Damian not to look into the astronauts for the Janus Crew. Want to guess why?" For the first time, Tim's eyes look soft around the edges. Danny stays silent for a while, head reeling from this information.

"...Is he. Is he free?" Danny finally asks.

"He's left the league and burned all allegiance he held for them, if that's what you're asking. Came to join his dad, my adoptive father, when he was about ten. So just a few years after you made your own way out without him."

"That's... That's good. I'm glad. He's healthy?" Danny can't help himself but inquire. He'd loved his brother until it literally broke him.

"Most days. He runs an animal sanctuary, has a girlfriend and a best friend, gets along with our large family."

"Woah." Danny's near speechless again.

"I'm telling you this because... He's going to find out Friday with the press release of you being our Crew Leader. He'll see you and no doubt try to contact you. I want you to have the choice of reaching out to him before that, or at least make your peace with what you have to say to him if you don't want a relationship."

"Why?"

"Because I don't care to see my siblings hurt. Here, it's my personal line, below it is Damian's. Reach out to me if you'd like for me to plan a meeting spot, reach out to him if you'd prefer I stay out of it. I understand completely if my questions have led you to not trust me." Tim offers him a piece of paper with two phone numbers on it, Danny takes it with shaking hands.

"I... See. Okay." and then after a moment, Danny added numbly "Thanks."

Tim stands and Danny follows, they're both walking towards the door and Danny can't help but feel like he's waiting for another shoe to drop. Tim has a look in his eye like Jazz might on his birthday.

"One last thing before you go and you're officially listed as our star Astronaut: I took care of those pesky case files and lab reports for you. The white ones. It is quite literally impossible for that heinous shit to every bother you again."

"Wait, What? Why would you do that for me? You couldn't have known-"

"It's what family is for. Have a good day, Janus Crew Lead Danny."

[redflagshipwriter]

check yes to go on a date w a dead guy ch 4 progress

next chapter here

(masterpost with this story here)

It took a minute for Jason to recover from that realization. He kept the anger he felt off his face. Danny didn’t seem upset about dying young, but that didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an appropriate topic to prod about on a first meeting. He’d get there eventually.

Jason stilled. Ah, shit, he still didn’t have a plan. Just eating together was too short and too boring. He needed to have something better than that.

Fuck, what were they going to do next? 

Jason strained for ideas. What was a good date? Normally, he'd know more about a person before they hung out romantically. 

Well. Actually, normally he hung out platonically with someone a lot before he started to feel interest in them. This was all kinds of backwards: but he didn't want it to end yet. 

“So, uh, what do you like to do?” Jason asked. Masterful. So smooth.

Danny scrunched up his nose. “Lately my afterlife sucks,” he groused. “I am drowning in paperwork and busy stuff.” He slumped over. “I miss being in high school,” Danny sighed. He drew his knees in and rested his elbows on them, then squished his cheeks with his palms. “I guess I used to just hang out, you know?” He shrugged. “Played a lot of video games. I miss that.” 

“Of course,” Jason said, despite never having hung out and played video games in high school. He'd been an overscheduled nerd in junior high school and then been too dead for high school. “That sounds fun. Wanna go back to mine and play something later?”

Danny lit up, blue eyes sparkling in the fading light. “Yes! That would be great.” He straightened his legs and kicked his heels against the side of the building. “Wait, can we do the whole grungy high school hangout thing with pop and chips and dip and pizza and stuff?”

He almost said “we literally just ate”, but what the hell. “We'll hit the store next,” Jason said. He couldn't say no to that face. Look at ‘em. He was so excited.

'Ugh, god. Danny died in high school,’’ Jason realized. He'd already known Danny died young but it still stuck in his stomach like a rock. 'No wonder he misses what he did then. He's interacting with the physical world now but if he died, he probably went to like, dead land immediately.’

But, uh. Video games. He could do that. He kept up a conversation as his mind churned, asking Danny what kind of games he liked.

The thing was, Jason didn't really play video games. He had a console at his place and if he was hanging out with Roy or Dick there, they'd bring a game over. He owned like, two games. 

He considered popping by the store and just buying something. But that would be weird and intense. He'd probably freak Danny out if he went and dropped money on a game just to play with him. 

Ok. Well. He'd get someone to drop off games before he and Danny could get back to the apartment. Jason sneakily got out his phone and strategized. 

Steph? No. Terrible. He couldn't let that girl know he had a date until the poor bastard really liked him for sure. She'd either chase Danny off or somehow orchestrate the two of them getting engaged. 

Tim? God, no. He'd definitely own a lot of games but they'd all be for the PC, and he'd hang around and smirk about Jason meeting up with Danny.

Dick? Too far away, and way too smug. He'd take it as an opportunity to tease.

Oh, wait. He had it. Jason opened up a message to Duke and sent out a quick “I want to bribe you. Homemade pizza? Artichoke dip? Fried oysters???” 

“Did you take a life?????” Duke shot back. Then, “pizza! What do you need?” 

“Get to my place with a bunch of video games that'll work on my tv in less than an hour and I'll make whatever you want.” 

The three dots indicating typing popped up. They stayed there for a weirdly long time. Then, Duke said, “Can I stay and hang out? 🥺”

Adorable little bastard. Jason typed out NO and then hesitated, feeling kinda bad.

“Who's that?” Danny prompted. 

Ah, shit, he was being rude. Jason flushed. “Asking a little brother to bring over a game,” he admitted. “He wants to stay.” 

Danny laughed. “That's adorable,” he announced. “It's fine by me. Lots of games are better with more people, anyway.” 

Well. If that was the case, Jason was fine with it. He sent Duke an OK and then put his phone away before the inevitable “I AM THE FAVORITE SIBLING” fireworks started. 

[femsolid]

I watched the movie Strange Darling tonight. Great rating on IMDB. Positive reviews all around. It was sexist propaganda à la Gone Girl. I'm sure it'll be called a feminist movie.

The story is about a serial killer hunting down his last victim. During the first part of the movie we see a young, skinny, blond woman being chased by the killer, a big man with a rifle. She's in pain and has lost an ear. The man is not hurt and every time he appears on screen, some big scary music plays, telling us "he's the killer!"

Then we see a flashback of their first encounter. They're on a date, drinking in his car, she gives him a lecture about how a one night stand can be a life or death situation for women, so women aren't prudes they are careful, but he can't understand that because he's a man. Unlike in real life, he patiently listens and doesn't object nor scream Not All Men. A little feminist lesson. She then tells him that her "kink" is to be strangled and beaten in bed... okayyyy what was the point of the feminist lesson exactly? He's flabbergasted and reluctantly agrees to indulge her. Because we all know it's women who want to be abused, men are just following our lead and have no sadistic bone in their bodies. She starts crying and tells him to stop during it, she tells him that just because she said yes at the start doesn't mean she can't say no later and he should respect that. He feels bad, and suddenly she starts laughing, she was just messing with him pretending to have boundaries and stuff, what a turn on! She toys with him, keeps inviting him to have sex and then says no at the last second because women are just twisted provocatrice, I guess. What a tease! She's giving him "mixed signals." Then she drugs him and tortures him, and we discover that she's the serial killer, and he's a cop! HA! You thought women were abused by men? You thought her little feminist lessons were sensible? You were wrong! Never trust a woman! Men can be victims, too! The reason we didn't see his injuries at the beginning of the movie was because she tortured him with a knife on his chest. See? Men have hidden scars. Don't assume they are the abusers! Since he's a cop, he has a secret gun and manages to escape her by shooting her ear off. She runs from him, and he chases her, and we're back to the beginning of the movie. He catches her eventually, handcuffs her and calls her a cunt.

She still manages to kill him, right as the police arrives because he called for backup. She puts her pants down and lays on the floor ass naked, crying, pretending that he tried to rape her, and she defended herself. False rape accusations, guys! Don't be fooled by women playing the victims! There are two police officers that arrive: a woman and a man. The woman is immediately sympathetic to the fake rape victim, something her male partner questions. She responds "it's obvious what happened", takes the handcuffs off the killer and helps her get up, while the male cop tells her to wait because things don't look right. Blinded by her female solidarity and her defence of rape victims, the stupid female cop doesn't follow the procedure. She tells the male cop that just because she has a vagina doesn't mean she's wrong, another little feminist lesson rendered voluntarily ridiculous by the fact that we all know she's gravely wrong and will likely get both of them killed. He tells her it has nothing to do with her vagina, he speaks from experience because he's older. Eventually the truth is revealed, the victim is the killer, the male police officer calls the killer a bitch. The killer lets the female officer go because she helped her, and kills the male.

The entire movie had a clear message that we all know too well by now: men are the real victims, don't trust women who report abuse, feminism is laughable. I mean, the propaganda wasn't even subtitle or anything. The killer spends a good portion of the movie in lingerie too. Instant classic. True cinema. Would you be surprised if I told you this movie was directed and written by a man?

[doctorbitchcrxft]

Roadkill | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader (Eventual ? ;) )

Warnings: canon violence, canon gore, mentions of smut

Word Count: 4772

Mobile Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Playlist

“Alright,” Dean began, cruising down a darkened road. “Tell me about Highway 41.”

You leaned your head on your arms between the shoulders of the two boys on the back of the front seat as Sam began to talk.

“Twelve accidents over fifteen years,” the brunet explained. “Five of them fatal; all of them happening on the same night.”

“So, what are we looking at— Interstate dead zone? Phantom hitchhiker? What?” Dean questioned.

Sam shook his head, continuing to flip through his notes. “Not quite. Year after year, witnesses said the same thing made them crash. A woman appearing in the middle of the road, being chased by a man covered in blood.”

“Two spooks?” you asked.

“Sounds like it,” Sam responded.

“Any idea who this chick is?” 

“I think I might,” the brunet said, handing you a clipping from an old newspaper he’d printed off online. “Molly McNamara. Killed in a car crash fifteen years ago tomorrow night. She took another guy out with her; Jonah Greely. Farmer who was out in the road, and Molly couldn’t slow down in enough time to stop.”

“So, what? She haunts the road now with Greely chasin’ after her?” you questioned.

Sam shrugged. “I guess.”

“I say we go talk to the husband. Only survivor of the crash.”

And that was just where you went. You discovered she hadn’t been buried; she’d been cremated.

“So, what’s keeping her here?” Sam wondered aloud as you left the survivor’s house.

“I don’t know,” you replied. 

*** The next night, you, Dean, and Sam headed down Highway 41.

“Please don’t run into the bitch and kill us all with your stupid driving,” you implored Dean, who shot you a look in the rearview mirror.

“I’m a great driver, what are you—” He cut himself off as something in the road caught his attention. “Holy—!”

You braced yourself on the back of the front seat as Dean slammed to a stop in front of a young blonde woman with scrapes and bruises littering her body. “You have to help me!” she yelled, crying.

“Dean, I don't think she knows she's dead,” Sam realized.

Molly started banging on the window of Sam’s door. “Open up! Please!”

Sam obliged, holding his hand up to try and create some distance between the two of them as he opened the car. “Okay, okay! All right, all right. Just calm down. Tell us what happened.”

You hung back with Dean while he parked the car as Sam walked ahead with Molly. 

“What is he gonna tell her?” Dean asked quietly.

“Knowing Sam? Probably the truth,” you replied.

“She's gonna take off running in the other direction,” Dean sighed.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I— I swerved,” Molly was telling Sam, sitting against a tree stump, “ A-And we crashed. And when I came to, the car was wrecked and my husband was missing. I went looking for him, but that's when the man from the road, he- he started chasing me.”

“Did he look like he lost a fight with a lawn mower?” Dean questioned.

Molly looked up at Dean, shocked. “How did you know that?”

“Lucky guess,” he shrugged.

You played dumb, keeping what Dean had said earlier in mind. “Hey, what's your name?”

“Molly. Molly Mcnamara,” she said.

Sam looked over at you knowingly. “I think maybe you should come with us. We'll take you back into town.”

“I can't.” The blonde suddenly panicked. “I have to find David. He might have gone back to the car.”

“We should get you somewhere safe first. Then the three of us will come back. We'll look for your husband,” Sam tried.

“No. I'm not leaving here without him. Would you just take me back to my car, please?” she begged.

Sam hesitated a moment. “Of course,” he said finally. “Come on.”

The four of you clambered into the Impala, and Molly directed Dean toward the crash site. You were incredibly uneasy with a spirit just casually sitting next to you in the backseat, and every instinct was screaming at you to pump her full of rocksalt. However, you knew better and fought your gut feeling.

“Stop,” Molly told Dean. She was jumping out of the car before he’d fully come to a stop. “It’s right over there.”

She led you to where she thought the car would be, but there was nothing there. 

“I don't understand. I'm sure this is where it was. W-We hit that tree right there. This— This doesn't make any sense,” she rushed out, running a hand through her hair. She started to head further into the woods.

Not willing to let her out of your sight, you followed. “Molly, wait!”

She turned around. “I know it sounds crazy, but I crashed into that tree. I don't know who could've taken it. It was totaled. Please. You have to believe me.”

“I do believe you,” you said. “But that’s why you gotta get outta here.”

“What about David?” she protested. “Something must have happened. I have to get to the cops.”

Dean came up behind you. “Cops! That's a great idea. We'll take you down to the station ourselves. So just come with us. It's the best way we can help you and your husband.”

“Okay,” she replied.

You shot Dean a look and headed back to the car.

As the four of you drove, Molly spoke up. “We're supposed to be in Lake Tahoe.”

“You and David?” Sam asked.

“It's our five-year anniversary,” she nodded.

“A hell of an anniversary,” Dean muttered, almost making you laugh. However, you were too focused on keeping a hand on your gun in case she made one wrong move.

“Right before, we were having the dumbest fight,” she sighed. “It was the only time we ever really argued; when we were stuck in the car.”

Sam laughed. “Yeah. I know how that goes.”

Dean scowled at him, making you smile.

“You know the last thing I said to him? I called him a jerk. Oh, god. What if that's the last thing I said to him?” she cried.

The younger Winchester turned to face her. “Molly, we're gonna figure out what happened to your husband. I promise.”

Suddenly, the radio started flickering. Its whirring and crackling soon turned to the opening notes of “House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals.

“Sam, you didn’t—?” you started.

He shook his head.

Dean sighed. “I was afraid you'd say that.”

“This song…” Molly trailed off.

“What?” you questioned.

“It was playing when we crashed,” she breathed out.

The radio crackled again, and settled on another disturbing station. A voice began to fill the car coming over the radio. “She's mine,” the voice taunted. “She's mine. She's mine.”

“What is that?” Molly asked.

Jonah Greeley suddenly appeared in the middle of the road.

Dean began flooring it straight at him. “Hold on.”

“What are you doing?” she shrieked as Dean drove into Greeley, who disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“What the... What the hell just happened?” Molly breathed.

“Don't worry, Molly. Everything's gonna be alright,” Sam coaxed.

“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” you quipped as the Impala began to shudder. It coasted to a stop on the side of the road.

Dean tried to start it again, but the ignition sputtered. “I don't think he's gonna let her leave.”

You got out of the car, hand still on your gun. 

Dean put a hand on the small of your back, cooly saying, “Relax” into your ear. A shudder went through your spine at the contact, but you did your best to release the tension you were holding in your body.

“That’s my girl,” he said, more to himself than you. 

Your heart swelled with pride just as Molly started to panic on the other side of the car. “This can't be happening.”

“Well, trust me. It's happening,” Dean remarked. He moved to the back of the car and started pulling weapons out of the trunk.

Molly came around and noticed the arsenal, immediately backing away. “Okay. Thanks for helping, but I think I got it covered from here.”

“Wait. Molly, Molly, wait a minute,” Sam begged, chasing after her.

“Just leave me alone.”

“No, no, no. Please. You have to listen to me,” he told her.

“Just stay away!” Molly started walking faster.

“It wasn't a coincidence that we found you, alright?” Sam told her.

“Oh, here we go,” you told Dean.

“What are you talking about?” the blonde asked defensively.

“We weren't just cruising for chicks when we ran into you, sister,” Dean snarked. “We were already out here. Hunting.”

“Hunting for what?” Molly questioned.

“Ghosts.”

“Don’t sugarcoat it for her,” you deadpanned.

“You're nuts,” she laughed in disbelief.

“Really? About as nuts as a vanishing guy with his guts spilling out. You know what you saw,” Dean pressed.

“We think his name is Jonah Greeley. He was a local farmer that died fifteen years ago on this highway,” Sam explained despite Molly begging him to stop. “One night a year, on the anniversary of his death, he haunts this road. That's why we're here, Molly. To try and stop him.”

It seemed like this was starting to make sense to her. “Now, I suppose this... ghost… made my car disappear, too.”

“Crazier things have happened, huh?” Dean replied.

“You know what? I'm all filled up on crazy. I'm gonna get the cops myself.” She started away.

“Not to be harsh, but you’re not gonna get far,” you called after her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she scoffed, turning back.

“Means that plan A was trying to get you out of here. Obviously that didn't go over too well with, uh, Farmer Roadkill,” Dean informed.

“Molly, we're telling the truth,” said Sam. “Greeley's not gonna let you leave this highway.”

“You're s— you're serious about this, aren't you?”

Dean nodded. “Deadly.”

‘No pun intended there, I’m sure,’ you thought.

“Every year, Greeley finds someone to punish for what happened to him. Tonight, that person is you,” Sam told Molly.

“Why me? I didn't do anything,” she cried.

“Doesn't matter. Some spirits only see what they want,” Sam shrugged.

“So you're saying this ... Greeley, he took my husband? Oh, god,” she wailed.

Sam caught her gaze again. “Molly, look, we're gonna help, all right? But first, you gotta help us.”

“Help you?” she questioned. “How?”

*** Molly led you over to a deteriorating hunting cabin where she saw Greeley. You walked in behind Dean, only slightly unsettled by the numerous blood-stained tools scattered around the room. Hunting ghosts, chopping them up— sure, no problem; Animals? They were off-limits in your mind. 

“Huh. Seemed like a real sweet guy,” Dean commented upon taking in the bloodstained metal table.

“No markers or headstones outside,” Sam told you and Dean.

“You're looking for Greeley's grave?” Molly asked.

Sam nodded.

“Why?”

“So we can dig up the corpse and salt and burn it,” Dean responded nonchalantly.

“Oh. Sure, naturally,” the blonde scoffed.

“It's a way to get rid of a spirit,” Sam told her.

“And that'll save David?” Molly asked.

“Well, this is what'll help both of you, provided there's a corpse to be found,” Sam replied. You could tell the truth was burning on his tongue.

“So how do we find it?” Molly continued.

“I'm not sure. After Greeley died, his wife claimed the body. And that was the last anyone saw of her. So good guess she brought him back here. But they had a thousand acres. He could be buried anywhere on 'em,” Sam said.

“So this is really what you guys do? You're like Ghostbusters?”

“Minus the jumpsuits,” you remarked.

Briskly, Dean started, “This is a fascinating conversation and all, but this highway is only haunted once a year, and we got till sun-up to wrap this thing up. What do you say we move it along, okay? Great.”

You followed Dean outside to search for Greely’s corpse or his house.

“Can’t say I’m enjoying babysitting Casper,” you whispered to Dean.

“Me neither,” he chuckled.

“Any thoughts on what’s got her stuck?” you asked.

“Probably the fact that she doesn’t know she’s dead,” he shrugged.

“But… why would that matter?” you questioned.

“I guess you can’t move on if you don’t even know you have to,” he said.

“Makes sense,” you considered. 

“David? David? David!” you suddenly heard Molly screaming behind you. She then yelped in shock, and you immediately raised your shotgun loaded with rocksalt and shot above Molly’s head at Greeley, who was holding her above the ground. He disappeared upon the round’s impact and dropped Molly.

“Nice,” Dean told you.

“Thanks,” you grinned.

“Hey! Are you alright?” Sam asked Molly.

“What has that son of a bitch done with my husband?” Molly shrieked.

“Just take it easy, alright? You're gonna see David again. You will,” Sam told her.

You noticed uneven cobblestone starting under your feet. “Hey!” you called to them.

Dean jerked his head in your direction. “Follow the creepy brick road.”

You followed closely behind Dean, blocking out Sam having to recap how ghost hunting works to Molly.

“You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house,” Dean commented as you turned toward a slowly decaying house. It was similarly built to the smaller hunting cabin you’d first stumbled upon. You stumbled around the house, searching for any sign of Greeley or his body.

Molly and Sam stuck together at the back of the pack, and Dean stayed outside to look around. You headed up the stairs to look around. Upon doing so, you found a slew of papers strewn about. You searched through a few of them, only finding receipts, scrapbook pages, and to-do lists; nothing about a potential burial site. 

Sam and Molly soon made their way into the room and you tuned out their conversation about vengeful spirits as you poked around a wall that seemed strange to you. 

Dean appeared at the doorway. “Sammy's always getting a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to things like this. Me, I don't like 'em. And I sure as hell ain't making apologies for 'em. There's nothing downstairs. You find anything?”

“Uh, just about every piece of mail or receipt they ever had. Looked through a couple, but nothing about a grave so far,” Sam explained.

“There’s somethin’ back here, though,” you said, referencing the wall. You tossed your flashlight to Sam. You dug the balls of your feet into the floor against the adjoining wall and shoved the cabinet in your way over a bit. You revealed a small hidden door, and you dusted your hands off on your jeans as you crouched to it. “It’s locked from the inside,” you announced.

“Move over,” Dean told you. When he saw you were clear, he threw a back kick at the door. You were surprised to see the door still upright. So was Dean, to your amusement. He gave it yet another kick, and it finally fell inward.

You crawled through the opening with Dean hot on your heels. “It smells like old lady in here,” he grimaced. 

You stood, shocked to see a woman hanging by her neck from the ceiling. “Jesus, that explains why,” you cringed, covering your nose with the back of your sweater sleeve. 

“Well, now we know why nobody ever saw her again,” Dean commented.

“She didn't want to live without him,” Molly cooed sadly.

Sam found a chair the woman had assumedly knocked from under her feet when she passed away. “Dean, give me a hand.”

“Really?” Dean scoffed.

“What are you gonna do?” Molly questioned.

Sam gave his brother a scolding look. “We can't leave her like this.”

“Why not?”

“She deserves to be put to rest, Dean.”

You gave Dean a look as well, and he reluctantly agreed. He moved toward the woman’s body as Sam cut her down, cursing under his breath when it dropped into his arms; either at the smell or the fact that he was holding a corpse.

You helped the boys dig a grave for the woman, and Dean gently laid her in it.

“So... So, if you manage to put Greeley to rest, too... What happens to them?” Molly asked. 

Dean chuckled. “Lady, that answer is way beyond our pay grade.”

“You hunt these things, but you don't know what happens to them?” she pushed.

“Well, they never come back. That's all that matters.”

“Agreed,” you chimed in, but you knew the answer wasn’t satisfying her. “Look, once we get ‘em to let go of whatever’s keeping ‘em here, they just… go. Honestly, I hope some place better, but I don’t know. No one does.”

“What happens when you burn their bones?” she continued.

“Well,” Sam began, “my dad used to say that was like death for ghosts, you know? But… the truth is, we still don't know. Not for sure.” He looked over at Dean. “Guess that's why we all hold on to life so hard. Even the dead. We're all just scared of the unknown.”

“The only thing I'm scared of is losing David. I have to see him again.” Molly paused for a long while. “I have to.” ***

You stood next to the two brothers after you left Molly in a room next door to the one you were in the house. Sam said he needed to talk to you both. 

“I think we should tell her about her husband,” Sam sighed.

“Oh, hell no,” you told him. 

“(Y/N), it's cruel, letting her pine for him like this. I don't like keeping her in the dark.”

“It's for her own good.” Dean got up from the chair behind you. “Man, I know you feel guilty, all right? But let's just stick to the plan. Let's get her out of here. Then we'll tell her.”

Molly suddenly appeared at the door. “Tell me what? What aren't you telling me? It's about David. You know what happened to him.”

“Molly—” Sam began.

Dean cut him off. “Sam, don't.”

“Don't what? Don't tell me because I'll mess up your hunt? You don't care about me or my husband,” the blonde angrily said.

“That's not true.”

“Really? Then whatever it is, tell me, please.”

The younger brother swallowed, hesitating. Before he could say anything, a radio distantly went static. Then, it played “House of the Rising Sun.”

“Oh, great,” you grumbled.

“Stay with Molly,” Dean told Sam. He jerked his head at you to get you to follow him toward the sound. You followed the sound toward the living room, getting louder with each step. Dean stooped next to the radio and picked up a frayed, broken power cord. You heard another noise and headed to the door. It frosted over, revealing the words “She’s mine.”

You heard a scream and ran back to the room you left Sam and Molly in.

“He's got Molly!” Sam pointed out the broken window.

You jumped through it, running through the woods. You ran for a few minutes before you cursed under your breath, chest heaving. You returned to the house and started flipping through a scrapbook.

“This guy is persistent,” Dean said, coming up beside you.

“We gotta find Molly,” Sam huffed.

“We gotta find Greeley's bones,” Dean added. “And, uh, no pressure or anything, but we got less than two hours before sunrise.”

You noticed something in a picture of the hunting cabin with the Greeleys standing in front of it. “Hey.”

“What do you got?” Dean questioned.

“ 'February 6, 1992’,” you read aloud.

“That was, like, two weeks before the accident, wasn't it?” Sam chimed in.

“Yeah, but… something seems off. I swear there’s a tree right where they’re standing.” You tapped the picture.

“I should've thought of it,” Sam scolded himself.

“What?” you and Dean asked in unison.

“It's an old country custom,” Sam explained. “Planting a tree as a grave marker.”

Dean chuckled. “You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.”

“Yeah. I know,” Sam deadpanned somewhat bitterly.

You broke off in a sprint toward the hunting cabin with a shovel in hand. You immediately began digging around the tree. You suddenly heard a scream as the brothers came up beside you. 

“Go get Molly,” you instructed Dean, who nodded and headed inside.

Sam began helping you dig around the tree. You dug in silence feverishly until Sam said, “Hey, I got something over here.”

“Hurry up, guys!” you heard Dean distantly yell.

You looked into the spot where Sam was digging to discover a set of bones carefully laid in an open grave. You ducked down to the duffel bag beside Sam and handed him a container of salt as you searched around for the kerosene. Quickly, you stood back up and emptied the kerosene on top of the body as Sam finished salting the bones. Sam lit a match he’d grabbed and dropped it on top of the bones which immediately ignited into a roaring fire.  

Dean came out of the house with Molly, and you noticed a deep gash on Dean’s cheek. You ran to him as Molly continued ahead to Sam. You gingerly touched the wound, and he hissed in pain.

“When this is over, I need to patch that up,” you told him.

“I’m fine, (Y/N),” he insisted.

“Stop being so hardheaded. I need to fix it up before it gets infected,” you argued.

Dean grumbled, “Fine,” and followed Molly and Sam to the Impala. He patted the hood of his car lovingly. “Oh, baby, it's been a long night,” he cooed, dropping his bag in the backseat and climbing into the driver’s seat.

You rolled your eyes at him, and got down into the seat behind him.

You saw Sam arguing with Molly outside of the car, but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. You then saw her smile in relief before eagerly climbing into the car next to you.

Wordlessly, Sam and Dean exchanged a look. You figured Sam told her he’d take her to David. Dean then drove a route you’d taken before to the man’s house. You pulled up to the lovely suburban home, light emanating from it into the dark night.

“He's in that house, right there,” Sam told Molly.

Her shoulders dropped and formerly cheery expression changed. “I don't understand.”

“You will.”

You got out of the car and stood next to Dean. 

Molly’s breath quickened. “That's— not— It can't be.”

You watched the woman carefully, and for the first time, felt bad for a vengeful spirit. You watched as David stood dressed in a bathrobe holding a steaming cup of liquid, sipping it before a woman came up to him and pecked him on the lips.

“What's happening?” Molly questioned. “Who is that?”

“David’s wife,” you answered. 

She turned back to the house, confused, before turning back to you and the Winchesters.

“I'm sorry, Molly,” Sam began softly. “Fifteen years ago, you and your husband hit Jonah Greeley with your car. David survived.”

“What are you saying?” The blonde’s voice wavered.

“We're saying there isn't just one spirit haunting Highway 41,” Dean added. “There are two. Jonah Greeley and you.”

“For the past fifteen years, one night a year you've been appearing on that highway,” explained the younger brother.

“No, that's not possible. It was our anniversary… February 22nd—”

“1992,” you cut her off.

“Yes,” she responded, looking at you like you were stupid.

“It’s 2007,” you finished.

“Oh, god,” she cried. “And Greeley?” 

“Each year he punishes somebody for his death... ah, chasing them. Torturing them. And each year, that somebody is you,” the brunet explained.

“But I don't remember any of it.”

“Because you couldn't see the truth, Molly. Some spirits only see what they want,” Sam told her.

“So that's why he won't let me off the highway. Because... I killed him. I killed us both.” Molly shakily moved over to the front steps of the house. You followed her over as she inquired, “Why didn't you tell me when you first saw me? Why wait until now?”

“You wouldn't have believed us,” Dean replied.

She looked up t0 Dean, stating accusingly, “And you needed me for bait.”

“Well, we needed you,” Sam chimed in.

“David,” she breathed out.

The younger brother sighed. “Molly, we brought you here so you could move on.”

“I have to tell him—” 

You cut her off. “Tell him what? That you love him? That you’re sorry? I’m sure he knows that. You go in there, you’re gonna scar him for life. He’s already grieved you. Let him move on.”

“David's already said his goodbyes, Molly,” Sam continued. “Now it's your turn. This is your unfinished business.”

“What am I supposed to do?” she sobbed.

“Just... let go. Of David. Of everything. You do that, we think you'll move on,” he explained.

“But you don't know where.”

“No, but that’s okay,” you said. “You don’t belong here.”

“Haven't you suffered long enough? It's time. It's time to go,” Sam finished for you.

She nodded sadly, then slowly stepped away from you and the brothers. She moved down the road toward the rising sun, and allowed herself to become absorbed by the light dawning. 

“I guess she wasn't so bad... for a ghost,” Dean remarked. He turned to his younger brother. “You think she's really going to a better place?”

“I hope so,” he shrugged.

“I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?” Dean quipped.

“Doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point.”

“Alright, Haley Joel.” He smacked Sam on the shoulder. “Let's hit the road.”

You and the brothers decided you needed to get some sleep a few towns over before searching for another case. These periods of down time between hunts were always bizarre; driving with no particular destination would always feel foreign to you no matter how many times you had done it.

***

You forced Dean to come to your motel room to let you patch up the few wounds he’d sustained from fighting Jonah Greeley’s ghost. 

“I really don’t think this is necessary,” he grumbled.

“I think it is. So, tough,” you said firmly. 

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but he thankfully said nothing. You set to work bandaging his cheek, standing between his spread legs as he sat on the bathroom counter. “How’s your shoulder?”

“What?” he asked.

“The gunshot wound, maybe?” you remarked.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’,” you giggled, half-mocking him. 

“It’s fine. Barely even feel it,” he shrugged.

“Then I guess it won’t be a problem if I give it a once-over,” you challenged.

Dean cut his eyes back at you, but decided against arguing. He shrugged off his leather jacket, then his canvas jacket, then pulled his undershirt over his head. No matter how many times you’d seen Dean shirtless, the sight would always make your breath catch in your throat. He seemed to note your reaction, smirking at you wantonly.

You rolled your eyes, fighting an amused smile as you unwrapped the wound on his shoulder. It was getting better, but you were still concerned about the wound becoming infected. The bullet had lodged in him several inches deep, and it was certainly going to take more than a month to fully heal. Gingerly, you touched the skin around the wound, and Dean hissed and grabbed your wrist.

You looked up at him apologetically, but still mockingly said, “ ‘Barely even feel it’ my ass.”

He rolled his eyes at you and released your wrist. When you had it completely wrapped up, your fingers lingered over the edge of the dressings. Dean grabbed your wrist gently once more, bringing it to his lips and kissing the inside near your pulse point. Your breath hitched as he did so, and he stared at you intently. You shrank under his gaze, heat spreading through your cheeks, and his self-satisfied smirk returned to his face.

“There you go again,” you joked quietly. “Always cheapening the moment.”

He smiled, using his free hand to wrap around your waist and bring you closer to him. He took the wrist he’d been holding and wound it around his neck and leaned forward to kiss you. You responded eagerly, pushing him back down onto the bed. You grinned against his lips, getting lost in the feeling of his body against yours. However, the two of you didn’t have sex that night. It was just enough to be with each other. The idea of that was foreign to the both of you— especially Dean— but you were grateful all the same.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[devildomwriter]

You Go To See A Christmas Carol Part V

You expected a few mishaps on a trip to the human world to see a Christmas Carol, but you never expected quite so many or how far things would escalate. The play is over but the trouble isn’t and it’s time to get the hell out of dodge before Michael finds out.

Diavolo: “Ahahahahaha.”

Luke: “Ugh.”

Leviathan: “This is going to go viral.”

Once the party was finished properly, curtains came to a close and opened again with the staff taking a bow. Lucifer among them, having effortlessly blended into the cast as their hero.

Everyone slowly trickled into the hallway and you froze in place as you looked at the parking lot from the window.

MC: “Hey guys…”

Diavolo: “Yes, MC?”

MC: “Yeah…there’s no way we’re getting back to our cars…”

Barbatos: “Is there an issue? Oh my.”

Luke: “I’ve never seen so many cops! What happened?”

MC: “…Levi said we were part of a convent.”

Leviathan: “You said you got kidnapped!”

MC: “Technically the truth!”

Belphegor: “While we’re at it…you should know the card declined for the popcorn and none of it was paid for.”

Barbatos: *sigh*

MC: “I’m gonna go crawl in a hole somewhere. I do not wanna deal with this.”

Lucifer: “Why do you two suppose there are police searching the building?”

Mammon: “I don’t know! Maybe cause you beat me publically and a fancy butler joined in!? Or maybe cause Asmo fucked a couple of cops! Or maybe because you sent the cops there to help me away and everyone saw that shit!”

Lucifer: “I see, so it’s your fault.”

Mammon: “How is it my fault!?”

Lucifer: “If you hadn’t stashed seventeen weapons on you before entering a checkpoint then I wouldn’t have had to search you and neither would Barbatos!”

Lucifer: “And you Asmo! Instead of having the cops report a false alarm you had sex with them and made them disappear somewhere!”

Asmodeus: “I don’t know how the legal system works okay!”

Mammon: “While we’re at it, you didn’t have to stay and bow now did you!?”

Staff A: “Hey!”

Staff B: “We found them!”

Lucifer: “Great, just what we need, more witnesses.”

Director: “Listen here, I don’t know who you think you are—“

Lucifer: “All of you. This was a bad dream. Go to sleep.”

The dozens of human staff, actors, and the director fall to the ground asleep.

Asmodeus: “Oh, yikes! Someone totally got a concussion just now! Is that blood…?”

Lucifer: “We’re leaving.”

Mammon: “How!? The cops know what you and I look like.”

Asmodeus: “But not me!? That’s a crime!”

Lucifer & Mammon: “Shut up, Asmo!”

Asmodeus: “Hmph.”

Mammon: “Everyone quiet, MC is calling me.”

MC: “Hey Mammon…where are you guys….okay and why are you not in trouble…they’re asleep…blood?”

Diavolo: “I don’t think this conversation is going anywhere good.”

Satan: “It’s not a conversation they’re relaying information.”

Diavolo: “Yes, either way…”

MC: “Teleport? There are cameras everywhere we can’t just teleport out in the open. The fact we’re up here staring at the cops is already suspicious.”

Staff B: “Excuse me, everyone?”

Barbatos: “I’ll handle this.”

Solomon: “Who is that?”

Barbatos: “No one important.”

An alarm suddenly blares through the building and you all look at each other.

MC: “Is that an alarm?”

MC: “Mammon was that you guys? ….Did he hang up on me?”

MC: “Ugh, whatever. Everyone go down the stairs and make a run for the cars if they start chasing you. Try not to look suspicious. Beelzebub carry Luke.”

Luke: “What? Why do I have to run too? I didn’t do anything!”

Simeon: “Don’t worry Luke, we know.”

Diavolo: “That sounds like a good plan but why don’t we just teleport into my limo instead?”

Leviathan: “Yes, please!”

Belphegor: “Yeah, I don’t feel like running.”

Barbatos: “I’ve returned young master.”

Diavolo: “Good. We’re teleporting into the limo.”

MC: “In front of windows?”

Diavolo: “Okay…Barbatos disable the camera in the stairwell and everyone follow me.”

Barbatos: “Yes, my lord.”

Everyone crams their way into the stairwell and Diavolo snaps his fingers. You fall back against a cushioned seat in Diavolo’s limo, relieved.

Suddenly the limo door slides open and Mammon is thrown into your lap.

MC: “Oof!”

Lucifer: “Drive! Drive!”

Asmodeus: “Hey, don’t leave me!”

Lucifer yanks Asmodeus inside and they lay there on the floor as the limo pulls away while cops run towards the parking lot.

Mammon: “Haha! Too late suckers!”

Lucifer: “You’re in so much trouble.”

Mammon: “Why me!?”

Barbatos drives the limo into an alley where it could safely teleport you all back to the Devildom into the driveway of the House of Lamentation.

One by one you all crawled out of the limo. You held your stomach in pain from absorbing the impact of Lucifer tossing Mammon into the back. Lucifer unlocked the door with some difficulty and everyone, Diavolo included walked inside.

Lucifer: “I’m going to go lie down.”

Leviathan: “Guys turn the tv on quick! The human world news channel!”

Satan: “Which one?”

Leviathan: “I don’t know, whatever was local.”

MC: “You think they’ll be talking about it?”

Leviathan: “I may have seen something about a demon cult on the internet…”

Simeon: “A demon cult?”

Solomon: “Hehe, this should be good. I haven’t been in a large news scandal in a while.”

MC: “And you still aren’t, this is the brothers’ mess. And potentially mine…”

Solomon: “Potentially? You’re the one who said you got kidnapped.”

MC: “I didn’t publically beat anyone.”

Leviathan: “I found the channel, be quiet!”

News Reporter: “Thanks Jim we’re back on channel 8 bringing you the latest on the Christmas Carol chaos.”

News Reporter: “Witnesses say they first noticed something was wrong when a group of men with colorful hair began to harass a security guard. Minutes later one of them broke away from the line and began violently beating another in a nearby parking lot, they were soon joined by a white man wearing traditional butler attire. To make things worse when the cops did arrive they left after being waved off like nothing happened.”

Cop C: “I don’t recall even being at the scene to begin with. We got a call about a hate crime taking place and that’s the last thing I can remember.”

Lucifer: “A hate crime…”

Barbatos: “Oh dear…”

News Reporter: “The guard Matthew Vallinci details that they all went by strange names and referred to the black-haired one as Lucifer.”

Guard: “I’m a practicing Catholic, I knew something was weird about them from the beginning and then one of them told me they were there for Diavolo. I’m a third-generation Italian I know what that means, it means Devil! They also said something about kidnapping and Stockholm syndrome and drugs.”

All: “…”

MC: “My bad…”

Guard: “Even weirder when me and Larry asked for the truth they told us they were the master of the seven rulers of hell or somethin’ and wished us a good night. They were completely psychotic.”

All: “…”

MC: “In my defense… …I did not think that would get back to me…”

News Reporter: “Among claims of demons, convents, human trafficking, and public acts of violence there are still no answers as, despite all the cameras, the people involved are nowhere to be seen.”

Leviathan: “…”

Asmodeus: “…”

News Reporter: “Hang on a minute…I am getting word now that the security cameras have been reviewed and reveal some rather shocking things.”

MC: “It’s all downhill from here folks.”

Luke: “This can’t get any worse!”

Belphegor: “You underestimate us.”

Lucifer: “I need some Demonus.”

Diavolo: “Absolutely not.”

News Reporter: “In a video too graphic to share two of the cops from earlier in the case abandoned finding answers on a possible kidnapping crime and were recorded having sex with one of the convent men. Neither has been seen since.”

All: “…”

Asmodeus: “There were cameras down there! We need that footage! Then I can find out what bitch stole my Devicci necklace!”

Mammon: “I cannot believe that’s the only reason you’re concerned, people would pay so much money to see that shit!”

Lucifer: “ Shut the HELL up.”

News Reporter: “Furthermore in some unexplainable footage the man from earlier is seen again with his victim and after snapping his fingers the production crew for The Christmas Carol all seem to faint simultaneously.”

*The footage plays*

Diavolo: “Well…this is going to take a while to cover up…”

News Reporter: “Other infractions by these individuals include public intoxication—“

Lucifer: “…”

News Reporter: “Theft of food—“

Beelzebub: “…”

Belphegor: “…”

News Reporter: “Threats to staff—“

Barbatos: “…”

Satan: “…”

MC: “…”

News Reporter: “And grooming.”

MC: “What!? Who the fuck did that!?”

News Reporting: “The group was spotted with a child who seemed to shout in distress before the beginning of play, something about “Chihuahuas.”

Luke: “Nooooooo.”

Leviathan: “You’re a legend, Luke.”

News Reporting: “One server is shocked by the allegations made upon the group as the man with red hair had given her a tip large enough to pay off her Student loans however psychological analysts suspect this was a way to groom her into the convent by winning her affection.”

Diavolo: “…No…”

MC: “Oh yeah, she said to thank you. I forgot about that.”

Diavolo: “…”

News Reporter: “So what really happened here? A convent, a stunt, a new TikTok trend, or a demonic cult? We’ll have more for you after these commercials.”

All: “…”

Ringing echoes in the common room.

MC: “…Who’s phone is that…”

Lucifer: “I think it’s mine?

Lucifer: “…”

Lucifer: “Nope. I’m too sober for this, Simeon you answer him.”

Simeon: “Hm? Oh…it’s Michael.”

Diavolo: “Tell him hello for me.”

Simeon: “Yeah…I don’t know if I should.”

Simeon: “Hello— ….no…it’s me Simeon…Lucifer is…”

Lucifer: “Away.”

Simeon: “Drunk.”

Lucifer: *sigh*

Simeon: “No. MC is fine…Diavolo was not trying to kidnap anyone he was just doing a good deed. The cops? I have no idea…”

Simeon: “Asmodeus, where did the cops go?”

Asmodeus: “I have no idea I just said to take a vacation.”

Simeon: “Yes…yes…don’t worry I will…tomorrow? At 12:00? Okay…I’ll let him know. Goodbye…”

Simeon: “Well…the seraphs are working on erasing memories and proof…also we’re all temporarily banned from the human world.”

MC: “But I live there!?”

Simeon: “Right…Michael says not to tell any more kidnapped jokes…he also asks that Leviathan not upload videos of his brothers to the human internet.”

All: “…”

Lucifer: “Those…were…YOUR videos, Levi?”

Leviathan: “Th-there were others!”

MC: “Well, I’m going to bed. I’ve had enough Christmas cheer for one day.”

Mammon: “Is that what that was supposed to be? You humans are pretty weird.”

MC: “Says the man who brought seventeen different weapons to a theatre!”

Mammon: “I forgot about em!”

MC: “Literally, how!?”

Luke: “Guuuuuys!”

All: “…”

MC: “Yeah?”

Luke: “I-I have an idea!”

Barbatos: “Yes?”

Luke: “T-today got sorta messed up and Asmo didn’t even get to see the play at all and Mammon missed the most important parts and we were all super worried about earlier so…can we watch the Christmas Carol movie together?”

All: “…”

Beelzebub: “Popcorn?”

Satan: “I’ll start making it.”

Leviathan: “I’ll get the blankets.”

Lucifer: “I’ll get the Demonus.”

Simeon: “Someone stop him, please.”

MC: “I call remote privileges!”

Diavolo: “Ooh I can’t wait! What version shall we watch?”

Meanwhile in the Celestial Realm

*news report ends*

Seraphim: “…”

Michael: “…”

Michael: “…Did anyone record that?”

Raphael: “I did.”

Michael: “Play it again.”

— FIN —

Previous

[faghubby]

Manhood?

"What the hell Paul, I told you I wasn't feeling good" Jen yelled smacking my hand after I had grabbed her ass on the way back to the room. I couldn't help it I was horny. She had her period last week and hated to be pawed at during that time. Now the third day into our vacation. She was still giving me the cold shoulder. She was tired from the trip the first night. Then it was time zone issues. And now after what had happened. We'll I guess I should start there.

"What happened?" I asked as Jen was holding her chest trying to put her bikini top back on.

"It broke, I got it caught on the rail getting in the hot tub" she said thru clinched teeth. There was two men sitting nearby laughing also a group of young college girls. smiling, they had been flashed for sure. I grabbed my shirt and handed it to Jen. She threw it on.

"OH god!" Jen sneard "You are enjoying this!" She motioned to my wet shorts where I was obviously excited by what had happened even though I hadn't seen it. I tried to convince her it was no big deal. We didn't know these guys. She drank her cocktail but then said she wasn't fellling well so I walked her back upstairs to our room.

"I was so embarrassed and you where like it's no big deal" Jen mumbled as she got changed. "You even got excited knowing everyone had seen my tits" she continued.

"Jen I am sure those guys loved seeing your tits" I told her.

"You got excited over those two perverts staring at me" She was surprised.

"What I don't know. I mean I got you. Nice to show you off" I tried to explain but was just digging a hole.

"You are even more fucked up then I thought. It was those girls with there perfect perky tits. That's who I was embarrassed to see my tits" Jen said slamming the bathroom door. I removed my swim trunks as Jen came storming back in.

"I bet you would of liked it if I just fucking stripped for those guys, right maybe danced on their table. I was rock hard as I pictured her doing that exact thing. Maybe I could bring them up here let then fuck me right on the balcony" she continued obviously annoyed that I was hard through this all. She stopped and grabbed some clothes out of her bag and went back to the bathroom. A moment later she came out.

"Maybe they are still there" she hissed at me and stormed out was she really going to? I threw on some shorts and chased after her. I stopped her in the hall. "ADMIT IT, YOU LOVE THE IDEA OF ME GOING DOWNSTAIRS AND LETTING THEM HAVE ME" She yelled. I freaked out

"Okay, yes I think it's hot when men watch you" I said quietly trying to quiet her.

"It's more" she hissed.

"Yes, I imagined them having you" I said looking at the floor. She turned and stormed back to the room. She had a great body but was always subconscious about her breasts one was bigger then the other but you really couldn't tell. She had a scar on her thigh from an accident she always tried to hide. She didn't say another word to me just got ready for bed again and went to sleep.

The next day a new woman was born. She openly flirted with every man in front of me. I found it all erotic but what game was she playing. She dragged me into a small shop to buy a new bikini.

"Since you like men to watch me, maybe even fuck me" she said in a nasty tone in my ear. She picked out a bright green bikini. And modeled it for me. She left the shop wearing it having me carry her clothes. She found a busy outside Cafe with a view of the beach. She sat watching men working out. As we ordered.

"So what you want to have a threesome?" Jen asked alit louder then I would of liked.

"Maybe" I whispered. She watched my face then smiled.

"You want to watch" she smirked her foot rubbed into my crotch under the table. "Always wanting me to watch porn with you" she said as everything clicked in her head. I wasn't sure that's what I wanted it was fantasy right she wouldn't actually. She spent the rest of the day flirting with men. Ignoring me other then to tease me about how hot that guy was. Or how strong he loomed. Back at our room getting ready for dinner. She stopped me.

"I am going out tonight without you, why don't you order room service and wonder who I am flirting with" Jen told me. I was stunned

"Jen, please its just a fantasy" I pleaded.

"Are you going to stop me?" She asked as she went to leave. I thought about it but just sat there. Hours passed I thought about going to look for her. But just stayed in the room. I jerked off three times thinking about what she might be doing. I fell asleep.

When I woke the sun was streaming in the room and Jen had just come back. She smiled at me. She looked a mess and headed to take a shower. I jumped in the shower. She grabbed my dick and washed it.

"Someone had a fun night" she giggled when I didn't get hard. I kissed her I wanted to hear about what had happened how could I ask. My hands roamed over her. But I still didn't get hard. I sank to my knees and kissed her pussy. Had she let a man fuck her? I licked and sucked her as she held my head. When she had enough she turned around and I stuck my tounge in her ass.

"You nasty boy" she laughed as I stood up. "I think I like you like this soft and horny" she laughed again. She never said a word about what happened. I spent every minute of the rest of the trop. Spoiling her, kissing her, never wanting to be away from her. We did have sex it was just different. I made sure to please her first. She seemed to be more confident and in control.

Two days after we returned home Jen sat me down.

"Paul, I like you to learn how to fuck me" she said holding my hands.

"What?" I said stunned.

"Shh, just listen. I love you and we make wonderful love together. But you have never been able to fuck me. Just take me. I was thinking I could invite someone over to show you" Jen said trying to be gentle.

"Don't tell me you don't want to watch, after how loving you got after we'll never mind." Jen smiled like as she remembered something. Just then the door bell rang.

"Just watch, don't say anything" Jen told me and rushed to answer the door. She returned with her ex boyfriend Pete carrying her in his arms. She kissed him. As he just basically tore her clothes off. I sat in aye and excitement as he just did this all in front of me. Jen dropped to her knees and pulled his pants off. His thick 7 inch cock smacked her in the face. She quickly took it in her mouth. I watched as she worked it until she took it all down her throat. I wanted to play with myself but was embarrassed after seeing Pete's cock. Suddenly Pete grabbed Jen by the hair pulled her to her feet and pushed her over the table. In one thrust he drove his cock balls deep into her. She squeeled. He didn't slow just fucked her with long hard thrusts. He smacked her ass a few times. Then plunged a finger into her ass.

"Please" she pleaded but he didn't stop using her own pussy juice as lube he was soon pushing two of his massive fat fingers in her ass as she bucked and moaned. He suddenly pulled out and shot his load all over her back. He then grabbed my hair and pulled me to the floor.

"Clean my slut off my cock" he commanded. I was stunned but also frightened. He was alot stronger then me. But I had also never been in a fight never less manhandled. I just did as he commanded.

"Baby, that is so hot" I heard Jen say. Pete then used my hair to guide me to Jen's ass and pushed my face into his cum.

"Baby yes clean ms too" Jen moaned. As Pete let me go. He pulled up his pants and left.

"Baby do it lick up his mess" Jen cooed. I did as she wanted. The taste wasn't bad. The texture was strange though. I ended by plunging my tounge into her used pussy. Jen stood up. And bought me to my feet. She unzipped my pants and rub me thru my briefs.

"Did you learn anything, I did my little cum sucker" Jen giggled. She then stopped playing with me. "I think I like it soft better" she told me leaving me wanting.

Later in bed Jen cuddled up to me.

"I am going to fuck alot of men from now on" she told me pulling out my dick I was hard as soon as she touched me. She stroked me slowly and rather softly. "I don't think you can learn to satisfy me like other men. I also think you enjoyed sucking Pete's cock clean" I was moaning as she told me. I couldn't hold back any longer and came on her stomach. She pushed my head down. I knew what she wanted and I licked up my own cum. It was only about a week when she introduced a chastity cage.

"I don't want you playing with it when I am out fucking real men" Jen told me. She would come home late or not at all about once a week.

She never told me anything. It was about a month when she bought Pete home one night. I was aloud to watch again. And again Pete had me clean his cock. But this time.

"Suck me hard and I will fuck your wife's ass bitch" Pete told me. I did just that I loved feeling him grow in my mouth. I strained in my cage.

"No fuck his ass" Jen told him. He grabbed me by the hair like he had Jen and bent me over the table. I was terrified this want going to happen was it. My dick hurt it was straining to escape its prison. As he lubed my ass. He fingered my ass first. I bucked alittlw trying to get free. But not really. I wanted this. He put his cock against my hole and just held it there all I felt was pressure. Then suddenly my ass gave way and pain burst thru me as the head of his cock slid in. I screamed.

"Shh, relax let him take your manhood" Jen told me kissing me. He waited a moment then started to move slowly in and out.

"Suck my fingers, focus on sucking my fingers" Jen told me softly as Pete fucked my ass. I sucked her fingers. She started to move them in and out like she was fucking my mouth. I was moaning now.

"Such a fucking faggot" Jen said as she kissed my forehead.

"Pete come in his ass fill the bitch up" she told him. Pete adjusted moving me I felt wetness on my stomach. As I realized my dick was leaking all over the table. Pete thrusts got harder then suddenly he tensed and I could feel him filling up my ass with his seed. Pete pulled out smacked my ass hard and left.

Jen rushed me into the bathroom she unlocked the cage and jumped in. The shower with me. I couldn't get hard Pete had fucked it all put of me. Jen shaved me. Everywhere.

"Your a woman now" she told me. When she was done she produced a much smaller cage. I was worried but she turned the water to cold and was able to make it fit.

"I can't see you as a man, at least not a lover. Jen told me. She handed me a pair of her cotton bikini panties.

"Jen" I wined she just tossed me a look and I put them on. After that it seemed Jen hos a dry spell for three weeks she had not been on a "date". Having me orally please her or using her vibrator to satisfy her urges which where very high now.

"We are having a party" Jen told me one night. No discussion just stated it. Two weeks on a Saturday night. She would arrange everything. After she would unlock me. She informed me. I was going crazy it had been weeks already.

Jen had handled everything the party was all set. When she handed me a little pink bag.

"Wear this tonight" I opened the bag to find a pink frilly thong. I made a face but put it on. I didn't tell Jen but I really liked this game. She watched as I changed.i went to put my jeans back on.

"No, wait" she produced a pink satin nightie to match my panties.

"I want you to kneel by the door and let everyone see what a little bitch you are." She told me. "It is time everyone knows I am available" Jen told me. "Don't worry I only invited a few discreet men." Jen told me. I wasn't sure about this. But went along with it.

"You want to suck cock, don't you" Jen teased as I knelt down and waited. My panties already wet. I almost ran when the first guest arrived my best friend. Larry. He laughed at me.

"Show him your cage. Baby" I pulled my panties forward exposing my little steel cage. Pete then unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick.

"Go ahead" Jen assured me. I took him in my mouth. Feeling him grow. I was focused on Larry. When several more men arrived.

Larry grabbed my head and pumped his load onto my mouth.

"Thanks" He said and fixed his pants. I went to stand but was pushed back dawn. A black cock shoved in my face. I looked up to see Deshawn, I worked with him. He just held his cock to my lips I took it. He was much fatter I had to open wide to suck even the head.

I could hear Jen, she was obviously getting fucked by someone. There where alot of voices. I felt some one lift my nightie and pull my thong up high. I lifted my ass as he did. Trying to focus on Deshawn I felt someone lubing my add. Working a finger in. Deshawn stepped back and came all over my face. The man playing with my ass. Pulled to my feet. I saw Jen getting split roasted as others watched. That was our neighbor. Roger I thought as I watched him fuck Jen. The other guy Jen was swallowing likea pro, worked with her. There was also Bill from my gym. And Kevin the kid that mowed the lawn. I finally turned to see the man leading me to the table. It was Nick my brother in law. He was married to Jen's sister Alice. He pushed me onto the table I laid on my back as he pushed his cock into my ass.

"Always knew you where some kind of fairy" he told me as he trust hard fucking me. He smacked my thighs abusing me. I cursed and was rewarded by someone sticking there balls in my mouth. Nick didn't cum in my ass. Instead he jumped on the table pushing whoever balls I had been sucking aside and drove his lubed dirty cock into my mouth. Pumping his load down my throat. While another cock took his place in my ass. I was flipped over and sucked Kevin cock. As Greg our mechanic drove his long thin cock in my ass. Kevin didn't last long but he paused.

"Can I have him lick my ass? "He asked someone. I didn't hear an answer just an ass shoved in my face. My lingerie was basically torn off of me by this point I was just a naked fuck toy. Kevin really enjoyed me eating his ass. Because he turned around and was hard agsin. But he was pulled back and another cock took the spot. By this time I was losing track of who was fucking me and who's cock I had sucked. At some point I was dragged over to Jen and told to clean her dirty holes. Both her pussy and ass had cum flowing out of it. I licked it all up as yet another cock fucked me. I thought it must of been Deshawn it felt so big. But I was so used up.

Jen played with my hair "you're just a play thing for men's cocks now baby. You proced to me that you will do anything for me tonight"

"Yes, anything Jen" I mumbled as the man finished in my ass.

"Mistress, I don't think Jen or baby would be appropriate anymore" She told me.

"Yes mistress" I said as someone pushed something hard and big into my ass. I sat up and removed a beer bottle from my ass. Most of the guys had left. I went to wash up. I sat on the floor of the shower crying. When Mistress found me.

"It's alright, just the lose of your manhood. We all cry when we lose something.

I woke next to Mistress knowing I would never wear anything but woman's underwear again, I would never be with a woman agsin, and I would never get out of this cage. I got up and found Larry asleep on the couch. I dropped to my knees and pulled out his cock. He moaned rubbing my head affectionately as I sucked his dick.

This story is written for a special friend and his Mistress. Hopefully she will make it come true for him

[fishfingersandscarves]

I don't even bother scrolling the ao3 armandaniel tag anymore, I just wait for your glorious art and then read whatever you illustrate...

That being said if you had any recommendations I'd happily take the o' knowledgeable one

ah nonnie i am happy to pull some from my meticulously vetted list

remember to read and mind all the tags

a haunting just for company by valkyrisms

"I know what a breakup looks like," Daniel says. "The better question is, why are you coming to me about it? I'm the one who broke up your little sham." "This is what humans do, don't they?" Armand asks, letting his voice drop. "Crashing on their friends' couches when there's a blip in their romances?" "Except we're not friends. We're actually very much not friends." Daniel shrugs, as if it's all the same to him. "And I can't imagine the great vampire Armand deigning himself to sleep on my fucked-up sofa. That thing's been here since the nineties." "Well," Armand only says. "I saw you have a guest bedroom."

Lie Back and Let Me Unlock You by Thunder_Puss

Independently wealthy man, early 30's, seeks arrangement with young male aged 18-25, not too muscular and no more than 200lbs (anything more would be most unmanageable) to share my apartment and affection with for 1 year until slaughter. All needs up to that point will be met -surpassingly so, I must admit, as I can be rather doting. There will be no need to consider expenses as they will be covered entirely by myself- "-There will be a rigorous interview process consisting of correspondence by email..." Daniel shook his head, laughing. "Of course, buddy. I'm sure I'll have a lot of competition." He raised his whiskey glass to his lips and wet them. "If this sounds like an amenable blah blah... Christ, this guy is verbose. I'll have to bring along a thesaurus to keep up." Daniel Molloy was 24, not too muscular, and no more than 200lbs. He was also steadfast and enterprising -when he could keep his nose clean- and had nothing more interesting to do than chase a story about an independently wealthy man with the screen name Botticelli_Angel who seemed to have the world's most taboo kink. Daniel could play the part, see where the story took him for a while. If shit got too weird, he'd dip. (Spoiler: He doesn’t dip.)

the sin and this mess we're in by ringfinger

He’s sitting on a beach he hates, trading shitty jokes with a centuries-old monster whose body count would put Ed Gein to shame and who is almost certainly also plotting to turn him into a flesh lampshade. “Don’t be dramatic,” Armand says, picking up on that thread, “I do wish you’d stop returning to that.”

how memory makes monsters into myth by blueskiddoo

“I said I’m fine, Alice,” Daniel snaps, and time itself grinds to a halt. Not literally. Ha. The things you have to specify with vampires. Daniel wishes he could laugh, but the sound is stuck somewhere in his throat, along with his heart. Now, of course, his hand chooses to be perfectly still. Why the fuck did he say that? * daniel keeps slipping up and mistaking armand for his ex-wife and the more he looks back on his memories, the less reliable they get. he's pretty sure he married alice molloy, but how do you marry a woman who apparently never existed? armand is armand about it.

chase away my heart and heartache by sahwen

With nowhere to go and an eternity ahead of him, Armand decided to work his way backwards. Or: Armand's Tour de Divorce in six acts.

to stretch the night, to fill it fuller with dreams by typefortydeductions

Armand and Daniel return to Venice to confront some of Armand's oldest demons. Louis comes with them, trailing ghosts of his own.

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. by cannibalenthusiast

“Did we call each other boyfriend? Surely not. Sounds weird even saying out loud.” “You were my beloved,” Armand says. “My lover. My boy.” “Your human pet. Your mortal fool. I get it,” Daniel says, not neglecting to notice his use of the past tense. “You want to go see a movie?”

such a pretty box (all fancy wrappings, and a bow on top) by snuffreel

“That is a fascinating shade of scarlet. In the dark, now, it almost matches the color of her blood.” Or: Armand, Daniel, and the age-old question of what's really inside a girl.

flash the camera (you're a star) by exastris_scientia

Daniel is starting to think he should put a little more thought into the promises he makes in the heat of the moment. He’d qualified it a little, sure, so technically he doesn’t have to do it. And it’s not like he needs the money, not after Louis and Armand had thrown his that’s my whore number comment back in his face by actually paying him ten million fucking dollars. But a promise is a promise, even if it’s one literally no one would expect him to follow through on. Whatever. He said he would, so he will. It might be fun. So he starts an OnlyFans.

bang it up inside by leavethebes

"Come on," Daniel goads. "Come the fuck on."

she will be your living end by kanxie

Daniel reaches his hand out for Armand to take. They wait a few moments in silence as the world stops moving around them. The animals hush. The air stills. A faint smell of smoky dust drops from the sky and lifts from the ground. Rural Armenia has always been too quiet for Armand, but this is to a level where noise itself seems to atrophy into a cold, nightmare-like state. Armand takes his hand, and the usual dampened sounds of movement are stark in this nothingness. “It's okay to admit you're scared,” says Daniel. His deep and rumbling voice. Armand keens for it in the lamplight.

Armand and Daniel are at home when the bell tolls.

Backroads to Sonoma by burntcrimson

Where the hell have you been, Daniel wonders, and why me? A bloody American summer in the belly of the AIDS crisis.

open eyes and behind your teeth by tisiphones

It wasn't fascinating, the way the boy didn't know whether to lean into the touch or away from it, confused by the comfort and the pain it offered in equal measures. It wasn't. Armand could do the same thing — did do the same thing, whenever Louis deigned to touch him at all — and Louis still thought he was boring. It couldn't be this that had captivated him. But that didn't mean it wasn't fun. --- Armand weighs the pros and cons of dog ownership.

[lilmo-on]

Throughout the entire novel Stocker denies Dracula in every possible sense, deliberately reducing him to some sort of country bogeyman. Dracula brags about his Boyar status, while “his peasants” curse him all they want and even try to prevent him on multiple occasions. His own beasts at hand dare question his command, thus he must resort to threats and violence for wolves’ and vampire sisters’ obedience. He carries himself as an ancient lord of dignified lineage, yet has to see to menial offices himself. He wishes to appear welcoming and charming for Jonathan, instead he proves to be ominous and uncomfortable. He expects to be respected and awed for his power and noble status, instead he’s taken as a child-brained fool. He attacks Mina to revenge his pursuers in most devastating way, yet gets his mental connection with her played against him. He strives to impose dread upon men’s hearts, but he’s chased back to his lair no better than a terror-taken fox.

However, confrontation with humankind is far from being the only thing to paint an unflattering picture of the Count Dracula: he stands out drastically even among his own kin. The other vampires are young and agreeable, he is aged and disturbing. The other vampires are alluring by nature, he is repulsive. The other vampires, if sated, are appealing and rosy-cheeked, he is an appalling leech gorged with blood. The other vampires enjoy their beastly aloof lifestyle, he longs for company. The other vampires receive love and compassion, he is loathed to no end.

The Great and Terrible Count Dracula canonically is a guy who’s lacking in every way. Our man Bram Stocker must’ve hated him so much it feels personal.

[lemelon]

Usually I don’t post about anyone or even anything but I feel like I need to say something about what’s happening…

Talent doesn’t disappear overnight. Skills don’t disappear just like that. Leadership isn’t destroyed in seconds. A player of this stature doesn’t diminish this quickly.

Everyone calling him washed, a fraud, unable to kick a ball doesn’t understand how much psyche plays in sports. Sometimes more than physicality and skills. There comes a point in sport where it’s really mind over matter.

Put yourself in his shoes: as a kid he always wanted to play wearing the white shirt and now after the back and forth drama over the years, he has finally made it to the club of his dreams. Imagine how blessed he must feel despite all the pain he has gone through. Then, had one of the biggest presentation for club. Imagine how many expectations and amount of pressure he must feel. Especially joining an almost perfect team that destroyed almost all teams in Europe and still coming off the high of the UCL win. Now he’s put in the position to maintain all of that. And show the world why RM (the best FC club in the world) CHASED him for years (while also knowing that most of the public believes that he toyed with RM by saying yes and no when in fact, he was under so much political pressure to remain in PSG - just recall what President Flo recently mentioned “you guys can’t imagine what he needed to do to get to RM”). He had to sacrifice one of his best years in PSG and was almost benched/mistreated in the last year in the club. Let’s not forget that he’s still in a legal battle with over unpaid wages. Having gone though the equivalent of war in the football world before all the pieces are now laid out in front of him. He’s in a club of his dreams, his club’s president actually understands and he has some of the best teammates in the world right now. It’s almost too perfect. And now he has to deliver.

Remember the first game he played, made a fab goal and won a trophy instantly. Now in his head, he basically has to repeat that every game. His first few games were actually alright, may not be strongest but it wasn’t as bad it is today. Then he got injured. Then he got blamed for not playing for France. Then he went for a holiday which turned into a slew of fictitious SA allegations. Then he performed worse. Then got even more hate. Then didn’t play for France again and got hated once more. And now he is at his lowest where he can’t even pass or dribble properly in front of an audience. And I say audience because you can tell the form he trains in and the form he plays in are worlds apart. That’s because the public not only holds expectations of him being the best player in the world being in the best club but also critiques everything he does to a level that no one (other than the greats of course) get criticised at. The scrutiny of the public eye has gotten to him and I’m not surprised given how involved everyone has been with him since he was young. Even now, he’s the worst if he doesn’t score a goal. When he does score a goal, it’s just a tap in. Nothing can satisfy the fans at this point.

So how can I tell that it’s not a physical deterioration but rather a mental one? Just look at the way his coach, teammates and those in the footballing world talk about it. No one is saying that he’s a bad player but in fact are saying to have patience. The RM coach has benched players for less but he keeps Kylian in for every match and all 90 minutes because they are trying to bring back his confidence. Look at the way Modric, Jude, Lucas & more have spoken about how amazing he is at training and now just needs to showcase himself.

What is worse is that you can tell he is being hard on himself for that. You can see his want to over perform and prove himself everytime he gets the ball which just leads to a worse performance because he’s not in flow state of mind but rather wanting to showcase to the world why RM chose him. The motivation has gone in the wrong direction resulting in poorer and poorer performance. Sometimes trying too hard results in a worse outcome. Also, he may be on the brink of overtraining himself because he might just believe that if he trains hard enough, all of this will go away. And lastly not to forget, he’s also afraid of getting injured after breaking his nose in the Euros and seeing half of his team get injured. None of this is good for delivering a world class performance.

It’s actually really sad to see how lost he seems on the field, how much of a shell he has become of his former self. Not because the talent and skills has disappeared over night but because he has become afraid of the sport that was his true love. The expectation to deliver has gone to his head. It’s truly a sorry state to witness because everyone who has watched him over the years knows what he is capable of but for some reason isn’t able to bring it out.

Whatever he needs at this point from the mental perceptive, it needs to be done quickly. Or it would spiral way out of hand leaving him worse than before. And we can’t have a generational player like him going down that path. We must support him, we must protect him and we must love him. More so now, even more than before.

[kariachi]

I've said it before, I say it a lot honestly, but I love the reasonable assumptions we can make about firelizards breeding and social habits based on what we see in primarily DragonsDawn.

Like, we've got the basic 'greens Rise a lot and don't tend their nests while golds Rise more rarely and fiercely tend their nests'. That's great, we love us some behavioral morphs in species. But then you also have to consider what would lead to such a thing, namely that both of these behaviors have to be successful, and successful in comparison to each other, in order for one to not completely take over from the other. Meaning that each option has benefits over the other.

For instance, in years or seasons where there's a large predator population, gold clutches are probably the most successful as they're the best guarded. But if you're dealing with horrible weather, or gods forbid a Pass, the fact green clutches are spread out far and wide means it's more likely one or more will survive, while a gold needs just one bad storm or Fall to wipe her whole year's breeding opportunities off the map.

But like, the most obvious one is a pure numbers game. If you don't invest in your eggs post-laying, that frees you up to get back into laying condition sooner and make more eggs. For instance in emus you'll see a female lay 5+ eggs in a single nest, but then she leaves that business to the male and runs off to eat well and find another guy to foist eggs on, ending up with sometimes even five nests in a season. But if you do invest in your eggs post-laying, you get more security in-so-far as assuring your eggs hatch. In emus the males do that, they get the best of both worlds there, but even more effective is to have multiple individuals looking out for the eggs.

Which is where their eusocial-style behavior comes in! By having the rest of the group dedicated to supporting the gold as she guards and tends her nest, the cost of nest tending is spread out, reducing the load on any one member of the group. The same thing happens with youngcare, which seems to be wholly communal, again reducing the cost for any individual member of the group. But eusocial behaviors are most efficient when members of a group are related, you don't want to waste your life raising young that don't share your genes.

Then you remember that firelizards form mental bonds at birth, bonds that they can break with no issue but that they can and do maintain throughout their lives. Taking this and the last paragraph into account, most likely collections of wild firelizards are mostly formed of sibling groups. Even if your bronze brother didn't catch the gold this year, helping with the clutch improves the odds he'll catch next year, and in the meantime you have plenty of opportunity with the greens.

This also probably plays into the fact they hum for all allied births. A green's nest doesn't get tended, but the young still need feeding at hatching. If you're a male then coming when you get the psychic 'birth here now' signals is an easy choice because there's the real chance these are your brother's offspring and his reproductive success is second only to your own. If you're a female, this nest is likely a sister's, in which case same deal, their success is only second to yours. On either side, having more babies around means a higher chance of any individual baby not being eaten by a predator, increasing the survival odds of your own children.

And then all this likely plays into the various male morphs and the color and size differences between ranks. I've mentioned elsewhere- the various male morphs are likely optimized to chase different female morphs. Blues can keep up with the quicker, more agile greens, bronzes with the slower, longer flying golds, and browns are a 'jack-of-all-trades' rank that doesn't specialize but instead can successfully chase either female morph, just with lower odds than the specialized males.

As far as size differences go, it's again all on the females to start. Golds lay larger clutches and defend them from things like wherries, they need to be larger to fit more eggs, to better defend their nests, and to drive off rival golds. Bronzes have to be large to keep up with the golds when they Rise. Greens specialize in laying more clutches and so likely smaller clutches, so they don't need to get as big and can instead focus on evading predators and even being able to lure predators from a freshly laid clutch without getting snatched up, small size is useful there. Blues are also small because it allows them the speed and maneuverability to chase greens. Presumably the reason they're larger than greens are is due for some reason to their being male, likely related to the complex genetics likely tied to rank*. Browns are in the middle because it allows them enough speed and maneuverability to go for greens, but also enough stamina to try for golds.

Color, meanwhile, is likely a camouflage thing. Blues, greens, and browns are all natural colors, perfect for making it harder for predators to notice you. According to the DLG firelizards come in a variety of shades, I wouldn't be surprised if there was even a degree of midtones between the various ranks. Golds and bronzes, meanwhile, I think are more likely a matter of reflective camouflage. A gold on a nest may be hard to look at in bright light, or at a glance appear to just be a patch of wet sand. If a gold has to leave the nest, more likely the sire would be left to guard it, and similar camouflage would fill a similar role. It might even, for some bronzes, give the impression that the larger gold is still on the nest, deterring predators that don't want to tangle with one. Since the smaller ranks are far less likely to be on a nest, more matte tones to mack dirt, wood, sky, foliage would be most effective.

It's all just fascinating and not quite like anything we have on Earth, though you can make parallels between several different Earth species. Absolutely love it.

[archangeldyke-all]

Halloooo

For cowboy!Sevika I had an idea about Sev just being a terrible bartender after retiring constantly fucking up drinks, scaring customers and in general can’t do the job. Perhaps angsty, where she feels a burden to you or unhappy she can’t reintegrate back to normal life or very fluffy where reader tries to show Sev how to actually do the job and makes Sev do a different job after she still doesn’t get it

Or maybe cowboy Sevika acting as a guard for the bar and she protects you from the handsy and aggressive customer for you or perhaps some young outlaws wink wink (Vi and Jinx could make an appearance) try and steal from reader bar and Sevika shows them either who’s boss 🤭 or how to steal and get away with it !

LOVE ALL YOUR WRITINGS btw your doing the lords work for the Sevika lover community 🫡

love you <333

the second one???? genius... omg...

read part 1 of cowboy sevika here!

men and minors dni

sevika's been settling into the rancher life pretty easily. at sunrise, you both wake up in each other's arms. you start your rounds around the inn, delivering fresh washed towels to your guests, and then heading out to the garden to weed and water before the sun gets too high. sevika dresses in her rancher get up and makes the two of you breakfast, and if you're not too busy, you guys eat together in the tavern, sitting curled in each other's arms, chatting over coffee and eggs.

after breakfast, you walk sevika to the small stables, greeting shimmer and helping her get all saddled up. sevika always gives you a breathtaking kiss before she jumps onto shimmers back, tipping her hat at you and then taking off for the ranch a few miles north of town.

she works until sunset, and comes home at dusk, where you serve her a big bowl of dinner and a tall glass of whiskey, between tending to customers and doing chores. after she unwinds from work, sevika helps you close up the tavern, then the two of you retire to your quarters on the third floor, falling into each other's arms and chatting about your days, before making love and falling asleep against one another, excited to repeat the routine again tomorrow.

it's winter now, and with the shortened days, sevika's got much more time to spend at home with you.

when you're not busy, she spends her evenings in her stool at the bar, watching you work, flirting with you like you aren't already married, and intimidating any men who come in looking for trouble. when you've got lots of guests, sevika's a great help, doing chores without you even having to ask, helping you cook and clean, pressing kisses to your cheek when there's a lull.

you're happier than you've ever been. sevika is too.

tonight, you've got a fire roaring in the fireplace, trying to chase away the chill of the harsh cold wind blowing outside. you've only got two guests, and they both retired to their rooms early. it's just you and sev in the tavern, dancing slowly to the music playing over the gramophone.

"i'm so cold." you whisper against sevika. she chuckles, tugging you closer to her swaying body.

"you've got ten layers on." she says, pressing a kiss to your temple. you giggle.

"yeah, but it's no help. if only there were some other way to warm me up..." you say, suggestively blinking your eyelashes at your wife. she laughs, her head falling backwards.

"you're a minx." she says, shaking her head at you. you smile.

"that's not a no." you point out.

"i'll never say no to an offer like that, darlin', you know that." she says. you grin, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips.

"one of the many reasons i love ya." you say. she hums.

"what're the others?" she asks, as she slowly twirls you under her arm then tugs you back to her chest.

"i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." you say. sevika smirks.

"deal."

"your smile." you start. sevika's smirk grows, her cute little gap in her teeth revealing itself. your heart melts. "there it is." you say, raising your hand from her shoulders to cup her cheeks. she nuzzles against your hold.

"hmm, that's funny. 's the first thing on my list too." she says. you laugh.

"you can't just copy every one of my answers."

"i'm not!" she insists. "c'mon, gimmie another."

you roll your eyes. "your voice." you say honestly. sevika raises an eyebrow at you.

"really?" she asks. you nod.

"my favorite sound besides your laugh." you say with a shrug. sevika melts, her arms pulling your impossibly closer to her swaying body, her head falling forward to press your foreheads together.

"sap. i like your ass." she says. you burst into laughter.

"perv!" you accuse. sevika just shrugs.

"still remember the first time i saw it. walked in here lookin' for a drink, and you were bendin' down behind the bar, getting some potatoes for the stew. think i fell in love right then." she says. you snort.

"real romantic, baby." you chastise her. she laughs.

"c'mon, 're we takin' this party upstairs or what?" she asks, waggling her eyebrows at you. you smile.

"go tuck shimmer in for the night and i'll put out the fire." you say, swooping forward to kiss your wife. "i'll meet you upstairs." you say. she grins.

"deal." she says.

she twirls you under her arm one final time before stepping away from your body, giving your ass a little pat on her way out of the tavern to check up on her mare.

you take your time wandering around the tavern, sweeping up the floor and putting chairs up, turning off the oil lamps, before grabbing a quilt and tucking it over your shoulders and wandering out to the water pump, filling a bucket of water to douse the fire with. you can hear sevika in the stable, the sounds of shimmer snorting and hay rustling, the sound of a brush as sevika tends to her horse. it makes you smile, your heart warming in the cold, cold weather.

you quickly dart back inside the now darkened tavern, desperate to get out of the cold.

something feels off.

the fire's low, and there's barely any light, but there's a shadow behind the bar you don't recognize. you freeze in the doorway, squinting your eyes at the shadowy figures. you gulp.

"hello?" you call out. nobody answers. just before you shake it off and return to the task at hand, a coin clatters to the ground behind the bar, and a voice whispers, 'shit!'

you gasp. someone's fucking robbing you!

you spring into action, throwing the bucket of water in your hands at the bar, soaking your intruder. two voices gasp, and you sprint over to the bar. "get the fuck outta here!" you call, your eyes adjusting to the two tiny figures ducking behind the bartop. they scramble, and you chase after them, screaming. "think you can fuckin' rob me?! you stupid fuckers, you got no idea who the fuck i am do you?!" you scream as you chase them out of your inn. as the tiny robbers take off, a trail of coins follows their path.

they spring out of the parlor doors, taking off down the dirt road, the moonlight illuminating their soaking wet bodies. they're kids!

they're not just kids, they're fast little fucks, sprinting away while you stumble down the front porch after them. "fuckin' stop!" you call.

it's no use, and you feel stupid chasing after kids, so you just sigh as you watch them run away.

suddenly, a gunshot rings out. the kids freeze and you jump, turning around to find sevika standing in the road behind you with her shotgun in her hands. "the woman said stop!" she shouts.

both kids raise their hands in surrender, and you smirk.

"get your ass inside now!" you shout at your robbers. they don't move. you glare at them, and behind you, sevika cocks the barrel, and aims it at them. "unless you want me to send for the sheriff." you add on.

the taller kid's shoulders fall, and then the two of them slump forward, slowly approaching you and sevika.

you both gasp as they get closer, realizing just how young your thiefs are. the oldest, a girl with a choppy pink haircut, is no older than ten. the girl beside her with two tiny pigtails looks like she's still too young for school. sevika scoffs.

"unbelievable." she mumbles. you chuckle.

you grab the collars of their shits, dragging them back inside the tavern, sevika following behind you.

you throw them in some chairs and glare at them. "stay." you command. they guiltily keep their eyes on their feet, and sevika sits across from them, her gun resting against the table, as you turn on a few lamps and round the bar for some towels, bread, and a bottle of whiskey.

when you return, the shivering girls quickly wrap themselves up in the warm towels, and tear into the bread like they're starving. some of the anger in your chest melts, pity taking it's place. you sit down beside sevika, studying your prisoners as you take a long sip from the bottle in your hands, before passing it over to her.

"do you know who i am?" you ask. the older girl blinks up at you. "do you know what this place is?" you ask. she shrugs.

"an inn?" she asks. you snort.

"the last inn on earth you'd ever wanna rob." you say, nodding.

"why? we almost got away with it." the younger kid asks. you snort. sevika huffs beside you.

"because criminals stay here. actual criminals, not wannabe fuck ups like you two." sevika spits out. the oldest rolls her eyes.

"we're criminals!" she defends. sevika chuckles.

"you stuffed your pockets with coins and left a trail behind you. by the time you got away, you'd have had fifty cents left, at best. you robbed us before we were even closed! you're what, five years old?" she asks. the girl scoffs.

"i'm eight!" she exclaims. beside her, the younger girl huffs.

"what's wrong with bein' five?" she asks.

you chuckle. "where're your parents?" you ask, no longer upset about the attempted robbery, ready to get back to your night alone with your wife.

"we don't have any." the younger girl says. the older one stares down at her lap, biting her lip.

you and sevika shoot each other a look. fuck.

"what're your names?" you ask, rising from the table to round the bar again, pulling out two bowls and filling them with some stew.

"i'm violet. this is powder." the oldest replies. "we're sisters." she says.

you return to the table, and pass a bowl of stew to each girl. the youngest looks at you with stars in her eyes, while the oldest glares at you.

"thanks, miss!" powder says. you smile at her.

"don't eat that powder." violet whispers. "could be poisoned." she says.

sevika snorts. "if we wanted you dead, i'd've shot you. fuckin' eat." she says. violet glares at her, but picks up her spoon nonetheless.

after the first bite, the girls' eyes go wide, and then they start shoveling the food into their mouths like animals starved. your heart breaks again. sevika elbows you, knowing that you're softening to the girls. you look back at her. the two of you have a silent conversation. it goes something like this:

absolutely not.

they're kids, sev!

fuck no. you already fed 'em. they tried to rob us!

they're orphans! they're starving, and soaking wet, and freezing cold!

they. tried. to. rob. us.

we're rich, we can afford a little robbery from time to time! you're wanted in twenty three counties for the same crime, and i still married you!

...fuck.

you smirk, and sevika huffs and rolls her eyes.

"look." you say. the girls look up from their bowls. "you can stay here for a while, i got some vacancies upstairs. if you try any funny shit, you'll be out on your asses again, understand?" you ask. the girls blink at you.

"what?" voilet asks. "why?" she asks, suspicious. you shrug.

"i'm a nice person." you say.

"she's a saint." sevika corrects, glaring at the girls.

"and if the two of you are gonna try 'n make it out west as thieves, you gotta learn how to rob properly." you say. "luckily for you, i know someone who can help teach ya." you say, nudging sevika. she huffs.

"only if they help with the chores around here." she says. "shovelin' shimmer's shit. cleanin' the outhouse. the nasty shit." she says. you nod, then look at violet.

"deal?" you say. she blinks, then looks at her sister. powder shrugs.

"deal." violet says, reaching forward to shake your hand.

your days look a little different now. you and sevika never wanted kids, and your motherly instincts aren't exactly up to par, but the four of you figure it out as time goes on.

in the mornings, you still wake up at dawn. but instead of getting to work on the chores, the two of you get to slowly wake up together while the girls take care of the morning rounds.

you all eat breakfast together, powder usually providing the entertainment with wild re-enactments of her dreams from the night before.

during the days, sevika goes to the ranch, and you stay back at the inn, teaching violet how to cook and powder how to read. when she returns at night, the girls join her in the two stools beside her designated spot, chatting to you behind the bar and teasing you while you work.

the three of them help when you're busy. vi's got a knack for people, charming the pants off of any patrons who come in. powder is a wiz behind the counter, great with numbers, obsessed with the fun noises the register makes each time she pops it open.

when your patrons retire for the night, sevika gives the girls robbing lessons. she tries to pretend she hates the kids, but you see the grin she wears when she teaches them how to ride horseback, or when they master a new slight of hand trick.

you're both growing attached to the girls.

the first time violet sees you and sevika kiss, she trips over her own feet and falls face first onto the floor. every time after that, you catch her gawking at you and sevika, a look of wonder and shock in her eyes. it's cute. you remember the first time you saw two women kiss; the shock that flooded your body, quickly followed by the warmth of a new realization about yourself.

one night, as you're saying goodnight to the girls, violet tugs your hand before you can leave her bed. you blink down at her.

"what's up, kid?" you ask.

"you and sevika... you guys are married?" she asks. you smile and nod. "...like, the same way men and women are?" she whispers. you giggle.

"yeah." you say. she blinks.

"how?!" she asks. you shrug.

"bribed a pastor." you say. she smiles.

"oh." she says. you nod.

"y'know... the west is different from the rest of the world. people out here are a little more... open minded. and if they're not, you can always just shoot 'em." you say. "you can be anybody you want to be."

violet bites her lip as she considers this. "like... like a retired bandit/rancher who lives in a tavern?" she asks. you laugh and nod.

"who lives in a tavern with her wife." you say. violet blushes, and you ruffle her hair. "goodnight kid."

sevika's particularly fond of powder. when they're not bickering, they're getting into trouble with each other. you've found them in the cellar 'sneaking' scoops of jam out of jars while giggling mischievously with one another.

powder is shimmer's favorite person in the world, you swear the little kid can telepathically communicate with the horse or something. you've found her asleep in shimmers stable on warm evenings, sevika just rolling her eyes as she refills the troughs. you know she's not really annoyed, though. not when powder's got sevika's red poncho tucked under her chin as a blanket.

your customers get pretty used to the presence of the girls too, greeting them with fist bumps and noogies, bringing them trinkets from their travels and adventures.

by the time spring rolls around, the room at the end of the hall's been permanently taken off the roster for outside customers. powder and vi customized the little white door to their room with bright blue and pink paint.

as the days grow longer again, sevika stays at the ranch longer, and she comes home more and more exhausted.

one night, she's laying on her stomach in bed, groaning as you massage her sore back. you lean down to press a kiss to her neck.

"i love you." you say. sevika hums.

"i love you too, darlin'."

"how were the cows today?" you ask. she huffs.

"fuckin' crazy. they're all excited about the warm weather."

"powder missed you today." you say. sevika sighs.

"little fucker." she says fondly. you laugh.

"you love her." you say. sevika groans.

"i guess. they're not that bad. they're a big help around here too." she says. you smile.

"yeah." you say.

"you think they're ever gonna leave?" she asks, turning over to flop on her back and look up at you. you settle down on her chest, listening to the steady thump of her heart.

"no." you say honestly. "at least not for a long while."

"i thought we didn't want kids." she says. you laugh.

"we didn't. we don't. just think of 'em as permanent residents." you say. sevika groans.

"i thought i was teachin' 'em to rob so they could go out on their own."

"oh please, you'd be heartbroken if they left."

sevika chuckles beneath you. "i guess." she says, a little smile on her lips. you grin. "they're lucky, y'know." she says. you furrow your brow.

"whaddya mean?"

"that they robbed us. that it's your inn. that you like takin' in strays." she says. you giggle. "they could be in a jail cell. or livin' with nuns at an orphanage." sevika says, a shiver running down her spine. you press a kiss to her neck.

"i'm lucky too, you know." you say. she hums a questioning sound beneath you. you grin. "all the strays i took in ended up bein' sweethearts." you explain. sevika laughs beneath you.

"whatever." she says. you giggle and kiss her neck again.

"you're still my favorite you know." you say. sevika chuckles.

"i better be."

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess

[sacharinee]

hey! so i’ve noticed all your office references and it’s one of my favourite shows ever <3 i was wondering if you’d write something where the reader and bf!peter are both obsessed with the show and quote it at any given moment, confusing (and probably annoying) everyone around them. i love your fics by the way!!

pairing: bf!peter parker x reader

w/c: 800 ish

a/n: dinnertime with the avengers edition! peter and reader being an annoying power duo. a crap ton of office references obviously. this is so weird and all over the place BUT it was so much fun writing. i tweaked ur request a teeny bit to them simply saying lines from the show, but everyone is just as confused and annoyed lmao i hope ur okay w that!! this is also my first time writing with the avengers so i tried my best on getting them right. thank u so much for requesting this!! i had an entire office marathon playing in the background while writing this 

“the food looks great, nat,” you take your seat at the dining table.

“yea, it’s amazing, thanks for cooking tonight,” peter chimes in.

you both are sat at the dinner table in the lavish dining room among the earth’s mightiest heroes, who also happen to be your colleagues. 

“wait, where did you learn to make all of this? i never pegged you as a cook,” tony questions.

“i’m not,” the redhead answers, “my fake mother used to make this dish all the time when i was younger,” 

“awe, that’s adorable,” thor replies.

“right before she and my fake father sold me and had me brainwashed.” 

the others freeze midchew and stare as scott drops his fork against his plate.

nat clears her throat, “so anyways, enjoy,” and takes her seat.

the rest of you begin placing heaps of food onto each other’s plates and digging into the meal in front of you.

“well, um,” tony sips his water, “how ‘bout you kids, get any good action tonight?”

peter raises his eyebrows at him, “us? oh yea, we got a good chase during patrol tonight,” 

“it was super fun,” you add.

“well what’d he have on him?” wanda asks.

“he was, uhh,” you purse your lips as you hesitate, playing with the food on your plate and quieted your voice, “a-uh, a wanted animal rapist.”

wanda shakes her head at you in repulsion, regretting having asked you.

“that is so disgusting!” the god announces, food spilling out of his mouth.

“thor, close your mouth, you look like a trout.” steve reprimands. 

he dismisses his comment and goes to steal the mashed potatoes, eating straight out of the bowl with no shame. 

“did he put up a good fight against you guys?” bucky questions.

“well he wasn’t exactly intimidated by me, i usually let y/n play bad cop while i just web them up,” peter admits.

you’re chewing your food while you watch bucky and your boyfriend converse, “see what i told you? you gotta take control, pete. ask yourself this: would you rather be feared or loved by your enemies?”

“easy,” he answers, “both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

nat pokes her tongue to her cheek and tilts her head in confusion. 

“oh, that reminds me,” you nervously chuckle and pull out the slip tucked into your back pocket, “i need you to pay for my speeding ticket, tony.” 

“again?! y/n that’s the second time this month!”

“that criminal guy was a surprisingly fast driver. besides, life is short. drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. it’s one of my mottos.”

“goddamnit, y/n” tony mutters and shakes his head in disappointment. 

steve interrupts, “you should listen to him, young lady. seriously, what would happen if you were in a speeding car crash? why do you think those laws are enforced? it’s to keep everyone safe. so you better straighten up the attitude before you get yourself k-”

“cap, you ignorant slut.” you’re tired of everyone treating you and peter like little kids, “you want to talk about being safe? are we forgetting about banner’s little experiment that went wrong the other day? he almost blew up the tower!-”

“wait, what did you just call me?” the soldier looks at you dumbfounded.

“what did i- … what’d i say?”

“you just called me a-”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about. i talk a lot so i learn to just tune myself out.” 

“you and me both,” strange clips. 

“wow,” you respond, feigning hurt, “sorry i annoyed you with my friendship.”

tony, having enough, intrudes, “you know, i think i have to put you and peter through some training again.” 

the boy skeptically squints towards the man and chews his food slowly, “...what type of training?”

“sensitivity training. all this trash talk is-”

“oh my god, not again,” your head falls back as you groan, “i’ve changed, tony. i’ve learned to keep my unmannerly thoughts to myself every time i see someone wearing black socks with white shoes.”

“uh that’s definitely not true,” bucky cuts in, “just yesterday you called me out for wearing sandals.” 

“exactly! sandals! who the hell still wears sandals, you look like you just got off the boat. i don't need to see your hairy toes,” you shudder in disgust.

“yea, mr. stark,” peter reverts his attention back to tony, “we don’t talk trash,” he shrugs.

“we talk smack,” you finish.

“okay… and how are those two any different,” the man challenges.

“well,” peter clears his throat, “trash talk is hypothetical. like, ‘your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.’” 

“totally,” you eagerly nod your head in agreement, “but smack talk is happening, like, right now. like, ‘you’re ugly and i know it for a fact ’cause i got the evidence right there,” your hand motions in a circle to the person in front of you.

“are you calling me ugly?” thor sniffles.

“i don’t know what the hell you just said, and i don’t even wanna know,” tony wipes his mouth with a napkin, “but it’s happening. nine am sharp, do not be late. it’ll be quick and easy, not that hard. you’ll be in and out without the attitude.”

you pout as you and peter give each other a dismay look.

“that’s what she said.”

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

(Aladdin AU)

*Alastor the chief advisor of Queen Sera waited for a pimp named Valentino to meet him, standing by Alastor was his assistant Vox, a man who had the ability to hypnotize people which Alastor used to hypnotize the Queen, thankfully Valentino arrived*

Alastor: You are late.

Valentino: A thousand apologies Lord Alastor.

*Valentino bowed and Vox glared at the slimy pimp in disgust*

Valentino: Is this the cave?

*the men men stood in front of a cave that was shaped like a tiger’s head, it made Alastor think of Prince Adam’s beloved pet tiger Lute who would bite anyone who made the young man uncomfortable*

Vox: This is the Cave of Wonders.

Cave of Wonders: Who disturbs my slumber.

Valentino: It is, Valentino.

Cave of Wonders: Only one may enter here, the Diamond in the Rough.

Alastor: What are you waiting for? Go on.

*Valentino slowly approached the cave and when he stepped in the mouth closed crushing Valentino leaving blood and guts everywhere*

Vox: Great, another failure.

Cave of Wonders: Seek me out the Diamond in the Rough.

*the royal guards chased a short blonde young man clutching a loaf of bread with a slightly younger woman running alongside him, they were Lucifer and Charlie, a brother and sister who had to steal to survive*

Lucifer: All this for a loaf of bread.

Captain of the Guards: I will have your hands for a trophy.

*Lucifer ran until he found Rosie, a woman who was friends with their mother, who pulled them into her home until the guards went away, when they Lucifer and Charlie left they sat down while Lucifer tore the bread in half so he could share it with Charlie, but they saw a pair of homeless children who needed food more than either of them did*

Lucifer: You can have this.

*Lucifer handed his half of the bread to the older child*

Charlie: You can have mine too.

*Charlie handed her half of the bread to the younger child, it was another night without food, but the children being fed was more important, Lucifer saw a crowd gathering, it was a princess named Lilith riding into the city seeking the hand of Sera’s beloved son and Prince Adam in marriage*

Guy #1: Another Princess for Prince Adam to reject.

Guy #2: Why doesn't he just pick someone?

Lucifer sighed, Adam was the Prince Heaven, Queen Sera's only child after her husband the King passed away when Adam was still in diapers.

The children from before ran out into the street.

Lilith: Ugh! You little brats!

She went to whip them and Lucifer ran out and took the whip to his arm.

Lucifer: If I were as rich as you, I would be able to afford some manners.

Lilith: Out of my way!

She kicked him into the mud.

Lucifer: Look Charlie! It's not every day you see a horse with two asses!

Everyone laughed.

Lilith glared: You're nothing but a filthy street rat. You'll die a street rat and only your flees will mourn you!

The palace gates closed as Lucifer charged them.

Lucifer: I don't have flees..... Bitch. I hope Prince Adam rejects you.

-

A few hours later and Princess Lilith was storming out of the room.

Lilith: GOOD LUCK MARRYING HIM OFF!!

Sera: Leaving so ...... Soon?

Lilith had some of her dress missing as she stormed out.

Sera: Adam.....

Adam was sitting by the pond with his pet tiger Lute.

Sera: Adam! Adam! Oh confound it Lute!

Adam: Oh Lute was only playing with that spoiled princess Lilith. Weren't you girl? Hehehe.

Sera did not look impressed.

Sera: Adam my dear, you know the law, you have to get married-

Adam: To someone of royal statues I know. But mom if I do get married one day I want it to be for love.