#and the gatekeepers apparently didnt like that bcuz now shes inclined to heal from it sooner than theyd like
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Users from the US are the majority of Tumblr visitors.
Text
it's lowkey kinda hard to deal with being the host of my system ngl
like before when I was I was kinda in my element yk? most of my existence was protecting us from my stepmom and dissociating. but now I'm a whole ass adult? and I have to manage a job? and a life?? and my SYSTEM??? WHICH IS A MESS BTW??
it's so hard I'm honestly kinda exhausted. thank god for escapism and women. don't know where I'd be without either. as much as it's cool to not be preoccupied with survival all the time it's kinda hard to do stressful adult stuff that takes considerably more effort than just sitting around being mistreated. can't wait for my vacation at the end of this month so I can actually relax for a few days
#ramble#not rlly a vent i dont think? but just in case#vent#david.txt#i only recently started being host again because of a situation with our last one jesse#long story short she formed to protect us from something traumatizing that our gatekeeper percieved as an active threat still#and didnt know until recently#however the way that she protects us is very persecutory and socially & psychologically damaging#so for the past 6 months that shes been host everything has been hard#all the rest of us have been trying to hold the system together while she was beyond dysfunctional everytime she fronted#which was 80% of the time#it was extremely damaging and dangerous for her to be host#eventually i got over her shit and she was 'healed' enough to allow others to front more often#and so i decided i wanted to be host#i tried for a few weeks it didnt work she ended up back#but then 2 days ago she realized what her problem was and recollected the traumatic event finally#and the gatekeepers apparently didnt like that bcuz now shes inclined to heal from it sooner than theyd like#and suddenly i havent heard from her in two days and im frontstuck#i mean i was fronting for nearly 2 weeks straight before that but not without jesse around#so i was already burnt out before she was no longer allowed to front#but oh boy. now im really processing the wild ride im in for. here we go ig#david arc part 2#idk if ill be able to do this shit man it's a lot
0 notes