#and the fire alarm has never gone off on the 2 years I've been going there

[vitiateoriginator]

Went to the mall with my friend today, and the fire alarm suddenly went off. I made us haul ass outta there real quick. Even tho the alarm stopped like 2 minutes later. I wasn't taking chances

[platonic-soulmates-gencest]

okay so hear me out on this one. samndean get into a real shitty situation, right. and they're both pretty young. and john's out, and sam's bleeding a bit. and dean, with his limited knowledge of first aid, is like 'oh shit he needs a transplant, how do I do that though?' and he fucking. slices himself open and has little sammy suck blood out of him, and he kinda looks like he's nursing like a newborn would, and maybe dean gets a little feral over that, and maybe years later sam feeds from ruby and thinks of his dead brother. or like whatever idc

Thank you for the ask! This brought me many thoughts. And I think I went a bit overboard with this (it turned into a short ficlet) but hope you enjoy it.

Dean can go from eerily calm to panic mode in the short time of 2 milliseconds. And there's nothing that makes the transition faster than Sammy being hurt. It's like the alarm system in Dean's mind gets triggered and won't stop ringing if Sammy isn't okay again. Eight years of this and Dean knows it will never stop ringing for his little brother's pain.

It was an accident. Dad had been gone a week now and Sam wouldn't stop pestering Dean about how bored he was. That triggered an alarm in Dean's mind too. He had different alarms for each of Sammy's sad moods. But the one ringing for Sammy's pain was always louder.

He had agreed to take Sam to the park, despite the danger of anyone seeing them out alone. Dean had learnt the hard way that a twelve year old wasn't considered old enough to take care of an eight year old. And he couldn't let anyone take Sammy away from him. But it would just be half an hour. No harm done.

Then Sammy fell off the swing. No, fell was an understatement, he flew off the swing. Dean went from "anxious about someone taking Sammy away" to "ALARM, SAMMY IS HURT" in a moment.

Blood run down Sam's knees and palms. Dean gave a silent prayer that his head was safe and carried him on his back all the way to the motel, at a running pace.

Sam must have noticed how uneven Dean's breathing was and whispered reassurances. It's just bruises, Dean. I'm fine, Dean. It doesn't hurt that much. All lies of course. Sam cried all the way to the motel.

Dean had Sam sit on the bed and run to the first aid kit. His hands trembled but he knew he had to stay calm for Sammy.

Stop the bleeding. Disinfect. Bandage.

Dean repeated the motions both in his head and in reality, fighting to regain his calm.

When the bleeding had stopped and Dean had bandaged all of Sam's wounds, Dean finally breathed a little easier. At least until he looked up at Sam's face and saw how pale his baby brother was.

No. No. No. He lost too much blood. Dean had to do something. He couldn't go to a hospital. Not without their dad. He should call dad. But dad hadn't picked up the phone in the last two days.

Dean cradled little Sammy in his arms, his mind racing to find a solution. Sam lost blood. Sam needs blood. Sam and Dean have the same blood, because they are family. Dean could give Sam his blood. Dean needed to give Sam his blood. How could he give Sam his blood?

"Dean?" Sam said, big wide eyes on display.

"It's okay, Sammy. I've got you." Dean smiled for Sam's benefit but he still didn't know how to help his baby brother.

"I'm okay, Dean."

"No, you aren't. You need blood." Then Dean remembered that Sam was the smart one. "Say, Sammy, how can I get my blood in your body?"

"Huh?" Sam frowned but considered the question solemnly. "I could drink it...?"

Dean's eyes widened. Why hadn't he thought of that? He leaned down and gave a big sloppy kiss to Sam's forehead.

"You are a genius, Sammy."

Dean didn't hesitate at all as he sliced open his palm and made Sam lick it.

Dean loved the sensation. Sammy's mouth firmly attached to Dean's palm and suckling. Dean refused to accept how much it reminded him of those first restless nights after the fire when Sam didn't have a pacifier and was hungry and Dean had tried to breastfeed him. Sam had suckled on Dean's nipple for hours even if nothing had come out.

Milk he couldn't make, but blood he had so much. He would give it all to Sammy in a heartbeat.

***

Dean only learned that blood transplants didn't work like that years later.

Sam never voiced how much he loved suckling Dean's hand or how he didn't mind the taste of blood.

Dad never found out. No matter how many times the boys did it. It became more of a comfort thing for them than a practicality.

They never did it again after Stanford.

Sam had almost forgotten about it until Dean went to hell and Sam wanted to lean back to the comfort his brother provided.

He hadn't meant to start on the demon blood. But the motion helped soothe him. He would suck on Ruby's forearm and remember Dean. He would suck straight from her throat and he would remember Dean. He missed him. He missed his brother. And the suckling helped. The blood helped. He could pretend it was Dean, even if Ruby's blood never brought the comfort Dean's did.

But he could pretend.

The Dean came back and Sam had to fight tooth and nail to stop himself from slicing open Dean's skin and sucking him dry.

He wanted, he wanted, he wanted. But he didn't. The demon blood raced inside him. He couldn't let Dean find out.

Then Dean found out.

Sam ached for it but he couldn't drink. He couldn't let Dean down again. So he sliced his own arms and sucked on them. It helped ease the urge.

Then Dean saw him. Then Dean broke.

Then Sam got Dean's sliced wrists and fingers thrust in his mouth. To help with the rehabilitation.

Sam never told Dean how this would become an even bigger obsession. Because Sam might have been an addict of demon blood but he had never craved it like he craved the comfort Dean's blood provided.

Sam got over the demon blood. He never got over suckling Dean's sliced open palm.

And Dean never stopped him.

(That's it! Hope I fueled your headcanon a little bit!)

//and I'm always open for headcanon asks anytime for all of you who want to see more of mommy Dean//

[inkedmyths]

S1: E22 "Devil's Trap"

Brought to you by hey so each and every one of you who made me watch this. You all suck. This is the worst. I hate it here. What sort of BULLSHIT was that—

This episode featuring: Odd interrogation techniques, family dynamics, bodysnatching, and one deeply upset Ink

Banging opening music

I will not fall doooown... when push comes to shove I will rise above... jammin

Here we fuckin go the boys are off to save or avenge their dad

[ Kayla asks if one of the opening montages has used Carry On My Wayward Son. I said no, because I would definitely remember that. ]

Where are we

What the dog doin

Holy water and whiskey. Mood.

Oh this be Bobby

[ Kayla and Crepe cheer. They love Bobby. ]

SCREAMS. JOHN JUST HAS THAT AFFECT ON PEOPLE (referring to when he threatened to shoot John) oh I like him already

Satanic Roach Hotel

Ohh. Bad year. Most years 4 possessions, but this one had at least 27...... well thats rough

UH OH

MEG

DEAN

Fuck off Meg

"Chuckleheads" GREAT word use Meg

GOTTEM

Okaaaay interrogation time

"Where's our father, Meg"

"You didn’t ask very nice"

"Where's our father, bitch"

Goddammit whys he so funny

Oh shes posessed

I dunno about innocent

Oh good news bc it means they can yeet the demon, yea?

"Hit it Sam" (begins praying)

[ Winchesters latest hit single in Christian Rap sweeps midwestern protestant congregations as a big hit! ]

Dean buddyyyy

Uh getting spookyyyyy

This is wild. Interrogation via exorcism

What the fuck are u gonna do here like what do u do

Shes dead but not but whats up

UHHHH WELL THATS FUCKING. SOMETHING

Hello ma'am

That sucks ass. Being exorcised certainly doesn't seem fun, esp when you got dropped from a building

A year............ bro.......

Poor gal...

As I went down to the river....

Oh she gone.............

:(

:((

STOP ZOOMING IN ON HER DEAD FACE

"You guys think you invented lying to the cops?" lmao thanks bobby

"I won't even try to shoot him this time"

[ Crepe asks Kayla if Meg is the woman Bobby has buried in his garden or if that's someone else. Concerning. ]

SCREAMS hes making the car safe and Dean is like MY CAR

Dean just wants his family to stop being self sacrificing. Hypocrite

Sunrise Apartments!

Building full of human shields... thats a problem

Pull the fire alarm lol

Oh those people are SO posessed

Yep there he is, tied u— hm. I don't. Like that actually

"I've got a Yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous—" Dean for funniest liar

THEY STOLE THE FIREFIGHTERS FITS

Demon? Demön?

Holy water!!

Hes still breathing hes not dead yet

But he might be posessed

Oh just had to check

Uh oh someone else just got posessed

And another....

Aha... the colt

[ Kayla: Uhhh I'm here for the colt stuff - the Winchesters]

2 bullets left!

Alright. Now what

Fambily

Dean can and will kill for his family huh

Uh oh zappy lights

The demon's here!

Uh oh

Something is wrong

OH

OH SHIT

Sam going AAA

AUGH WHATS HAPPENING

I DONT KNOW

WHAT IS THISSSSS

Bullshit bullshit

Me: DEAN WAS RIGHT

Kayla: and why was he right :)

Me: Bc he would have been pissed :(

Kayla: and never proud :)

Kayla: (therapy voice) and how did that make you feel

Me: I hate it here

Kayla: elaborate on that

Me: I haaaate it here

Kayla: mhm mhm (writing stuff down)

"What are you and God going to do?" dammmn

Justice for WHAT

Oh so a demon cares about its family

Good for him but also you were already trying to kill them before??

Yeah? Why?

What's your angle here

Huhhhhh. What the fuck do you want with Sam

"I really can't stand all your monologuing"

Oooough hitting him where it hurts damn

OOOH DAMN DEAN THROWING SHADE BACK

How are u guys goimg to get out of this

Oh shit oh SHIT

AAAAAAAAA

OH THE LEG!! SMART!!!!!!

Oh fuck man

Bro it fucking leaving

Well this is an Awkward Family Ride

Kayla: awkward family ride abt to

TRUCK

What the fuck what the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

BRO WHAT

THATS IT FOR SEASON 1??

BULLSHIT

---

My so-called friends then proceeded to point, laugh, and heckle me for the next 10 minutes. This is bullshit I hope you know. Stupid goddamn cliffhangers stupid Winchesters and their STUPID FAMILY NONSENSE—

[boneapple-tea]

A dead god

A being so larger it's own gravity has pulled it inward and has even formed an internal atmosphere. It's unknown how it grew to be this big or how it lived without being noticed it seemed to just appear.

It was a normal patrol a drone sent out to survey a part of our empire but instead of normal space this was there. Less than 3 hours after it's discovery more drones were sent these one's were meant to map its body... most never made it close enough. It seemed as if the shell was flaking apart that it was turning to dust before us... oh how we wish it was.

The drones were destroyed one by one a few got good views at what was attacking. It was as if raw flesh muscle and bone were Givin life and shaped like a machine. They looked like old rockets but where alive. Some had guns that shot viscera and bone others opened up to rows of teeth.

Two did make it back. One had black bone spike going through its right side, and the second was seemed to have flown through acid. We took samples to see what we were dealing with and it wasn't good news. As soon as we set it down an alarm went off we were under attack.

It didn't take them long. They tore open the door and we opened fire there limbs were blasted off their weapons seemingly fused with the user screamed as we shot at them. Bone blood guts lasers and metal were flung from both sides as I ducked and ran for my life. I dared to look behind me and saw that even though they should've been dead they were still moving, as if the loss of there arms legs and even head in one case was nothing but an inconvenience.

I know I was the only one making it out alive I ran and hit the button on the secondary door rushing through as soon as it opened. I ran as fast as I could down the hall and yet it wasn't fast enough. As a burning pain hit me on the left of my back I could feel whatever had been shot into me was moving it legs pushing itself deeper. I couldn't breath for a second couldn't even make noise as tumbled onto the ground.

I couldn't die here! I reached behind me and grabbed whatever was trying to get in and Pulled! It scratched and cut my hand made me scream but I pulled it out gasping for air but it was too much and I just couldn't stay conscious.

I woke up in a medical bay apparently I've been having seizures and had hit my head pretty bad. The nurse attrica has been helping me with my nightmares but she seems off? Her eyes just look wrong sometimes. I've gotten better and got back to work my nightmares are no longer there and I've even managed to get attrica's number!

He's a joy attrica and I have a baby boy I love him. I've watched him grow up into a fine man and I couldn't be more proud. `~'-^,:_~` the nightmares are back more vivid but different. This time I've been taken somewhere and put in this weird pod with needle like tendrils that dig into my body.

%_%&*@:-'`~▪︎-'^/>°`~\▪︎▪︎^~

It's not real non of this is! Attrica has tried to help but she's not real ether I point out how I have no memories before waking up in the medbay and she says I'm sick and need help. I haven't been here for years maybe weeks but not years humans don't take that long to grow up and yet my son did!

I'm waking up I know I am my eyes are opening I can see the inside of the pod and I can feel needles in my skin like thousands of bugs crawling on my skin. They've changed me Instead of 2 eyes I have 3 instead of 10 fingers I have 4 claws. I can feel my tail wiggling and I know I'm not gone.

I'm staying awake longer and longer and I think I can tear out soon.

I tore into the pods fleshy skin my teeth now sharp take chunks out with ease I shove my hand through the hole I've made and sretch it open my hands still look somewhat human though I'm missing a finger and my nails are replaced with black claws.

As soon as I feel onto the floor I was surrounded. I didn't care... I jumped to the closest one my hand going straight into its ribcage as I grabbed its spine I flung it toward the others that jumped at me, and dodge the screaming bullets made of bone that came flying at me. I bit and tore clawed and rended flesh. No matter how many I tore down they just kept coming and at some point I got to tired to continue...

[shristi24]

Scene Recreation (Downtown Scene)

In the beginning stages of production, everyone was brainstorming ideas equally for scenes, but then one by one, there was less participation. During the Scene Recreation in our group of 5 people, we had 3 that could not consistently be available. They were all reasonable reasons, such as Thomas. F having pneumonia, Thomas H. being constantly ill and I had to make 7 trips home in 3 weeks, which left a lot of pre-production planning and decision-making pressure on Shan Shan and Stella. We had a group chat however the responses were hours apart making it inconvenient when quick decisions and votes were needed.

For next year, I would highly suggest my group to make a certain time in the week dedicated to planning for production only, and make sure everyone in the group is attending these meetings physically, e.g. Monday at 6 pm to 7 pm.  I've learnt that pre-production is like the roots of a plant if they are strong the rest of the plant will flourish, if they are fragile the plant is likely to die soon. Things will never fully go as planned but I've clearly understood that making sure that you have planned as much as possible will allow a smoother production in the long run.

We had issues with our Health and safety advisor during the pre-production planning and while filming on set. We felt very squashed for time, as we were given from 5:30 to 9 pm to set up, shoot and pack up. And the lighting of the scene was very complex, we spent around 2 hours just setting up the set and exploring the lights. If we had been given the right circumstances I think it would have been very helpful to go a day before to plan the lights specifically. We also had the fire alarm go off during the shoot, and our health and safety advisor came to remind us that we needed to leave before 9 pm, otherwise we would be locked in till the next day. As a group we felt like if there had been a little bit more flexibility with the times either before or after, I feel like we could have really elevated our production. As the current outcome is missing certain shots and consists of rushed camera movements. 

Given the obstacles we have been challenged with, I believe our recreation went well, with our highlights being on the sound quality and our lighting. One thing that I can appreciate about my group is that, regardless of individual circumstances, in the end, everyone worked hard to complete the task. Although we had specific roles in this production, in the end, we all helped each other with our roles with the shared goal of completing the task. As a group, we have been creative and gone outside our comfort zones to make the best of what is available to us. We’ve had a lot of friends help us out with acting, and some lent us specific lights that aren't available on campus. Overall I believe this exercise has pushed everyone to see what they can achieve while being under personal and professional restrictions. 

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Here's the headcanon-ficlet-thing I promised! Actually, sorry, it's only HALF of my idea. This thing got MUCH longer than I intended and I've decided it would be easier to just chop this whole thing in two. If I ever send another headcanon, it'll either be much shorter than this or I just won't use anon. Anyways, the death of Dick's parents had just been so SUDDEN and I started thinking, "What if Dick had some separation anxiety when he was younger that just... Never really got resolved? His parents were gone, just like that, and Bruce literally risks his life every day. That couldn't have helped my made up conflict either, I imagine." Hope you enjoy! (1/13)

When Dick first arrived at the manor, he'd just been so GLOOMY. Even after Tony Zucco's arrest, he moped around the living spaces and never seemed happy with how spacious the manor's rooms were. A handful of times, Bruce and Alfred had caught him crying in the emptier wings by himself, but they had never really been sure what to do with the kid other than feel guilty. Sometimes (rarely), Dick would seek one of them out for a hug or SOME form of comfort, but it never seemed to be enough to truly make him feel better. It was no secret that Alfred and Bruce were not the most affectionate people in the world, and Dick had come from a very loving place. It was just another new thing to adjust to in his already new, unfamiliar life. Then Dick wanted to be Robin, full time, and neither Bruce nor Alfred could really say 'no.' Dick still wasn't happy- not for a while- but eventually, his mood started to improve. (2/13)

Maybe that was why no one initially found the boy's habit of waiting by the manor doors alarming. It was one of the places he visited more frequently, and Alfred originally assumed it was because he liked hanging on that specific entrance's chandelier more than the others. However, as the weeks passed, it became obvious that it was just a place Dick liked to hang out when he was waiting for Bruce to return from work or patrol. When it began nearing six thirty, the time Bruce's work hours ended, Dick would set up his homework or drawing paper on the floor and work just to the side of the doors as he waited for them to open. Sometimes he'd even hold a handstand or stretch for however long it took Bruce to come home that day. At first, Alfred didn't know what to make of it. But, watching the way Dick's face lit up every time Bruce knocked at the door, the old butler figured the small habit couldn't do any harm no matter how strange it was. He was just happy the boy wasn't still brooding. (3/13)

Bruce also noticed how Dick always seemed to be waiting for him after work, but ultimately didn't find anything concerning about the observation. Sure, it was a little strange to have such a large reminder that he was an actual guardian now, but he reasoned with himself that Dick would grow out of it after a certain point. He decided to just let the boy be and life carried on. Besides, he wasn't Dick's only person of support; Bruce had caught Dick watching Alfred work in the kitchen on a number of occasions with a concentrated look on his face. Without a doubt, the boy was finally starting to adapt to the manor's way of life. (In all honesty, Bruce had probably been too busy being relieved over the old butler's existence to judge whether or not any of his new ward's behaviors could be considered alarming.) (4/13)

As Dick grew more and more relaxed overtime, neither Bruce nor Alfred put much thought into his other developing habits. For instance, as Robin, Dick always made sure to check in with a quick "Are you still there, Batman?" over the comms everytime the line went quiet for more than ten minutes. Bruce would occasionally warn him not to call in when they were on stealth missions, but Dick never quite seemed comfortable with leaving the line COMPLETELY dead whenever they left each other's sight. On those missions, he'd sometimes blow softly into his comm unit, and Bruce would have to make some subtle noise back so as not to completely worry the kid. Dick even seemed to develop certain behaviors around charity events and galas; for example, he would always hug Bruce's pant leg at the beginning of the events and would only let go once he was made to socialize. Despite the fact that it soon became apparent the kid was far from shy, the habit always took place without fail, to Bruce's perplexed amusement. Maybe the kid just hated Gotham's elites? (5/13)

More and more little habits flew under the radar as everyone still seemed to be adjusting to the new lifestyle. Occasionally Bruce and Alfred would pick up on something seeming a little off, but at the same time, Dick finally looked happy. Really, a few weird displays of affection here and there were FAR from their concern so long as Dick's days of endless distraught were over. And so, once Dick finally- and TRULY- settled into the manor as his new home, a bunch of odd behaviors just seemed to be swept under the carpet and ignored. On the unavoidable nights where Bruce got injured in the field, there was no missing how the habits seemed to rise in intensity, but by then... They became the everyday normal and were never addressed. (6/13)

(The Justice League found Robin's behavior more bemusing than anything. Dick was still in the habit of obsessively checking the comms when Batman, on a rare occasion, asked for backup. "Check in, Batman?" "Still scaling the perimeter. We might not catch any activity tonight past a few petty thefts." "Alrighty. And, uh, Superman! Status update!" "Nothing going on up here either, Robin." "Okay!" Ten minutes passed and the boy's voice crackled back to life on the comms once more. "Is everyone still okay?" After that one particular patrol, Clark had sent Bruce a questioning look. "He's nine. Of course he's worried." Clark didn't push it- or anyone else for that matter.) (7/13)

It wasn't until Dick turned sixteen and started looking to be more independent that his behavior finally set off a few alarm bells. His check-ins had turned more snippy over the years when Bruce and him got into fights, but they never really stopped. The arms clinging to Bruce's pant legs at galas were instead replaced by a friendly hand on Bruce's shoulder, yet Dick's presence had never really left his side- only growing more flighty and uncertain as he got older. When Dick did his homework, by then in his last year or two of highschool, it was no longer on the floor but instead in the dining room closest to the manor's entrance- still started at around five or six just like when Dick first arrived at the manor, and still fit to Bruce's work schedule. It occurred to Alfred that a few of Dick's behaviorisms probably should have been checked out a while ago. (8/13)

"When you were Master Richard's age, you were barely home. It's normal for teenagers to want a bit of distance and alone time, but Master Bruce, he only stays after school for club activities. The rest of his time is either spent partoling around the city or helping YOU. I'm worried whether or not his behavior is healthy." Bruce had contimplated these words before giving his own thoughts. At the time, he and Dick's working relationship as Batman and Robin was becoming a bit more strained, but he still KNEW Dick. "I'm not sure, Alfred. He says he's happy with the friends he has, and he's always been relatively well behaved... Could it be that this is just routine for him?" Alfred disagreed and so the discussion continued. However, any plans they made to adress the situation were cut short when Dick got shot in the shoulder. (9/13)

Bruce tried not to feel guilty about firing Dick and then kicking him out of the manor. A little space would be good for the boy, right? For as long he could remember, Dick had always been just around the corner. It was safer this way. He ignored Alfred's angry, dissapointed gaze and Clark's furious demands to explain what the hell he'd been thinking. Batman didn't need a Robin, and Dick would be fine without Bruce. (Bruce would be fine without Dick.) Later, on patrol, there was a second where the comm crackled to life. Before anything could happen it got shut off again, and before Bruce knew it, Dick's check-ins were gone. Batman didn't need Robin. (10/13)

There was no missing Dick's sudden change. With the Titans, Dick's mother henning got turned up to an eleven. Dick was always somewhere in the tower helping someone, and no one could miss the way he was practicaly always asking if anyone needed anything. Missions and patrols ran mostly the same, but it was much more often that Dick could be found staying up late at night, going through evidence on cases he was working on. His friends did their best to be understanding, but there was no hiding the fact that Dick needed help. Real help. They urged him to talk about what was wrong, but even Dick seemed to be at a loss for what he was going through. "I mean, I got kicked out! What else is there to say?" He yelled one day. Roy tried to reason with him. "But there's MORE to it than-" "There isn't." "Dick, you've been acting off for months." "And I'll be FINE in a few more! I'm always fine. Stop worrying." (11/13)

Eventually, they did. After a few more missions, it was as if nothing ever happened. Dick worked as he normally would and he started running off to do his own things rather than hover around other people's projects. He still gave off a sense of brokeness but by then there wasn't much that anyone could do. There had been one week in particular, though, that things just seemed to... Shift. Dick had just discovered that Bruce adopted another kid in the newspapers and there were sightings of another Robin. For a second, he seemed furious, and they all remembered feeling VERY concerned for what the guy might do. For four days straight it was if he was too angry to talk. On the fifth day, Dick disappeared. He wasn't seen again until the next morning. "Dick, are you alright?" Something visibly settled in him and just like that, Dick was fine again. Still overbearing, but fine. (12/13)

Okay! That's all I have so far since I don't want to spam your inbox with any more text blocks for one idea. You probably noticed that this first part just goes over more HOW Dick behaved when he was younger. The second part to this will focus more on everyone realizing that Dick had some repressed trauma going on, and the consequences it's had on him for never adressing said trauma. (Also Bruce, you shouldn't have kicked your teenage son out of the house. That didn't help.) Some of Dick's coping mechanisms when it comes to dealing with Bruce will probably also be questioned, but with the time away from Bruce, don't worry- Dick will be more obviously independent. He knew he wasn't in the best place. I'll send you the second part whenever I get done with it, which shouldn't take too long. Thanks for being excited to read my head canon and ideas! (13/13)

hey babe. this is,,,,,,oh my god. i love it so much. well actually i hated it because it was full of angst and it made me feel emotions and AGH. but also i loved it and god i can’t wait for the next part. you have NO IDEA how much i need the next part.

also, can i just say? the fic portion itself (2-12) is 1.7k words long. with a little editing, this could be a full fledged fic you can post on ao3. you absolutely don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, that’s just an idea i’m throwing out there.

dick with separation anxiety sounds so so plausible, because that abrupt shift from living in a circus to wayne manor of all places must have been QUITE the shift. i really loved how you touched on all these different habits and quirks dick had growing up, and how those bled over into different relationships in his life. and i can’t wait to see how you resolve it.

and i have one more thing for you. this isn’t really the same idea but it’s got somewhat similar elements: i read a fic a while back about dick being touch starved. it seemed up your alley, and anyone else who liked reading this incredible drabble, i think you’ll enjoy reading it! touch starved by envysparkler.

[heartsyhawk]

Ok so Todays Pokemon Direct breathed some fresh life into my body. So here's an update about what's going on with me in what has been one of the worst months of my whole life.

Content Warnings: tornado damage, homelessness, pet death. I'm trying to cut but it doesn't always work on mobile.

[[MORE]]

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So as I've mentioned, on July 18th a freak tornado hit my apartment building.Its not a common problem in my part of Connecticut (our chaotic weather is usually Noreasters and Blizzards) and none of my neighbors remember there being one here in the past going back about 75 years. And it wasn't a particularly destructive one--the path was less than two miles and it was very narrow and while it did a number on a lot of trees fences and power lines and cars, it only directly hit one house.

Unfortunately it was the one my family lives in. All things told we were pretty lucky. Our belongings and animals were okay and it didn't physically crack open the house. It did pick up and drop part of our roof and tore off huge chunks but the ceiling remained intact.

The building was initially cleared as safe to inhabit until a few hours later when water damage started spreading rapidly in three rooms, an extremely ominous crack appeared in the ceiling of my bedroom with inches of water damage on either side, and water began leaking from two light fixtures and a fire alarm.

Obviously we were displaced by the fire department into the red cross's care as the building was no longer safe to be in. We went to the Red Roof Inn because they would let us have our pets. It was...well it was a cheap motel that allows pets and to call it a nightmare isn't really doing justice. It was hard on all of us, and hell for our animals, 22 20 and 17 year old cats and our 12 year old dog.

A few days later we were able to get back home because the land lady had gotten someone in to secure the roof and shore it up safely. They didn't immediately tell us it was safe, which is a separate post another day, but we were able to get back into our home.

A few days after that we lost my 22 year old cat, Princess. She was old but really doing okay until the stress of living through a tornado and that rat trap hotel room. She's been in my life for roughly 2 thirds of it and losing her the way we did has crushed my soul in a way I never could have predicted. She was genuinely the best cat in the world, so sweet and soft and beautiful and friendly. The fact that she's gone hurts as sure and sharp as if someone had torn my organs from my body. As long as there is a part of me that exists I will miss her.

The other 3 animals are just as gutted as I am. Tobi, the 20 year old, has become cold and violent to me. She is grieving her best friend too, and I know grief is complicated but it seems she blames me for what happened. Dobby is 17 and I'm genuinely positive he is suffering depression. He keeps laying in Princess's bed and howling. He's clingier and more desperate for attention and assurance than he has ever been. The dog is miserable. Princess assumed Suki was just a particularly ugly and stupid kitten after we rescued her and taught her how to be a proper cat. She taught her how to mouse, and where we kept the bread, and which windows were the best to sit on the back of the couch for. Suki still loafs on the back of the couch. But now she does not have her partner in the unholy bread theft alliance. Their hurt is echoing and amplifying my own.

And because we can't catch a break that's not the last of it. There's obviously extensive damage to the building that needs repair. Apparently mold in the ceilings from the water damage and the fact this house was built in the early 1800s. They need to redo the whole roof and all the ceilings and at least one wall. It's gonna be a lengthy process and the building will not be inhabitable for the duration. So we have to find a new place to live.

Now, there's a LOT to say about the land lady and her daughter the property manager who owns the stupid shop downstairs. But the short version is the daughter has wanted us out for a good while and is...not strictly speaking an ethical person or one capable of empathy, sympathy, or most forms of compassion. She started raising a ruckus and being hostile to us the day Trump was declared the loser, for what that tells you. Her mother is a somewhat better person, but she's also filthy rich and lets her daughter act like a tyrant. So ... even though it is the middle of a pandemic ramping up dangerously in this area, and also the housing market is a nightmare, we have to be out by September 30th (it was previously September 10 but begging got an extension).

I've been doing a lot of packing, and crying, and cleaning, and crying, and hunting desperately for an apartment my family can afford that won't make job commutes impossible. It will be a good thing, I know it will...eventually. We need more space and this town is a white supremacy hell in the middle of nowhere. But also it's been home for 7 and a half years and the timing is just awful. And well that's why I have been on Tumblr for only a few minutes at a clip lately and not especially reactive beyond a couple posts a day.

[byuncock]

Untitled

requested: no

word count: 2,599

edited: naw

—

our relationship is fine. as fine as an arranged couple's marriage should be.

i am currently sitting on the couch mindlessly staring at the television screen. looking at the clock from time to time it was already 10pm and baekhyun was still at work.

sighing at the thought of the food i cooked on the table going cold. i sat there for awhile now. even stopped checking the time since i know he'll be coming home past 12am as usual.

it was 2:14am when i heard the front door's knob jiggled and in came baekhyun. he looked tired. he been looking tired for the past few weeks, i noticed but every time i try to ask all of his answers are "nothing important".

staying silent as i watched him take off his shoes and come in through the living room to go towards the bedroom. not noticing me until he saw the television screen and trailed his eyes to me.

"hey baby, what are you doing up?" he questions tiredly though doing his best to give you a smile.

"couldn't sleep" i replied to him as i watch his face give i a pout as he retreats to the bedroom.

"i'd stay up with you, but work is tiring me out. good night" he yawns.

i hear him taking a shower before getting ready for bed. i stay on the couch though. still not being able to find the sleep ineed despite how tired and drained i've been feeling.

feeling how distant we both have gone. barely any time for each other. whenever we sleep together there is a gap. no longer feeling the warmth i crave.

and worst of it all. he hasnt told me i love you since our last anniversary dinner. which was a month or so ago. this has been going on for a month and i am fed up.

doesnt seem long but when you experience it, it feels like a year.

i dont know how long it had been until i heard noises in the room and out came baekhyun. in his usual work attire.

baekhyun sees me still on the couch and questions, "why didnt you come to bed last night?" why didnt you ask me earlier?

"can't sleep" i vaguely reply. looking over at the clock it was 5am.

he nods in reply and put on his shoes. leaving for work. no good bye kiss. no i love you. not even a single affection of some sorts. thats when i had enough.

planning to visit his work later after i freshen up and ready myself for whatever storm i have to face when talking to him about this.

getting up from the couch i went over to the bedroom and took my time to freshen up.

after putting some food in my system for the day ahead i headed out. the drive to his office was nerve wrecking for some reason.

arriving at the building i walked in. passing by the receptionist you gave her a smile. she instantly stood up and bowed giving you a grin.

walking through the offices there were a bunch of workers around about, not forgetting to greet you though. when you made it to baekhyun's office floor things seems to be eerily quiet.

too quiet and it was almost scary. his door was down the hall. his door was slightly ajar. not knowing if he was in his office or not you take a peek.

he was indeed in his office, but he wasn't alone. he is sitting on top at the front of his desk. arms crossed with his eyebrows furrowed while talking to someone.

i was going to leave and just wait for him to finish conversing with whoever he is with until the person made it's appearance.

she was dangerously close to him to be talking to him about some offer of a deal. she got even closer by caging him in his arms by putting her arms on both sides of him on his desk. their faces inches apart from where their lips can touch.

i was shocked, hurt, angry, every emotion you can get. not knowing what to do or if i should barge in, but my grabbed my phone out of my purse and quickly dialed a number.

before things could get worse between the pair in the room a ringtone broke the tension. though the phone kept ringing the both of them made no signs to move.

baekhyun turned his head to look at the caller id that was calling him. he was staring intently at his phone but not reaching out to pick it up.

i watched him stare at his phone, praying for him to pick up. even when the ring stopped he didnt move a muscle.

the woman grabbed his chin and turned his face over to meet her face again. a sly smirk made its way across her lips. everything turned silent after i hung up the call. not believing he stood your call, but is it shocking since he's been ignoring my calls for a while now?

"so" the lady sultry says, "everything could be over if you accept my offer" she purrs.

confusion flashed across my face. what could be over? what offer? i was confused, so mad, and so hurt i really wanted to burst in and stop them.

i was going to burst in until he leaned in. not wanting to witness what happens after she leans in i left.

walked through the building with tears streaming down my face. not caring if the workers saw.

finally, even though it felt like years, i made it out the building. going over to my car and got in. quickly driving home, away from the building, away from him.

when i made it home i just threw my body on the bed. everything hurts. my heart was literally broken. i am sobbing into my pillow.

thinking about how the past few nights i slept without his embrace. went on with day for the month without his love or affection. and now i knew why.

turning over on the bed to stare up at the ceiling i rose my left hand. staring at the promise ring he gave me a few months ago during our anniversary. now everything just seem like a joke.

i would of spent even more hours wailing then getting ready to leave him until i heard the front door slam. quick steps were approaching and there he was.

"baby" he says breathlessly. as if he ran all the way over here from his workplace. i stared at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the ceiling. the tears threatening to fall again.

i sniffed and thats when i felt the right side of the bed dip. his face coming to view.

"why didnt you tell me you were coming to visit me at work?" he questions softly, staring at you.

"even if i called, you didnt answer" i whisper then stared at him. letting him see how broken you are. how broken he made you.

he was lost for words. so what his coworkers were telling him were right. you were there. then you left. with tears.

"baby, i can explain. what you saw at my work was not wh-" he tries to explain to me, but i cut him off.

"please leave, baekhyun. i don't want to see you right now" i try to stay as calmly as possible. though i was anything but calm.

"baby please let me explain-" he desperately tries again, but i sat up. almost bumping our heads, making him move back slightly. i reached for my left ring finger and as quickly as i can, take it off then threw it outside our bedroom door

i was heaving. now tears have fell and baekhyun looked over at the door where the sound of a ring dropping is made. he looked at my face. with a painful, regretful, and saddened expression.

i didnt dare look at him though as i stare straight ahead waiting for him to leave. when i heard him get up to grab the ring i ran over to our bedroom door and closed it. locking it too.

knocks and yells were made on the other side of the door. i can hear him calling for me, crying in the process of trying to let him in, but i dont.

i cover my ears trying to block his cries as i cried. falling asleep in that position with him as the last thing on my mind.

the sound of the alarm woke me up. i went over to it and slammed the snooze button. checking the time it was 10am. Baekhyun should be out at work now. I thought as i got up.

i opened the door heading out of the bedroom until i stumbled across a body by the door. i was on the floor from tripping over baekhyun. he seem to be stirring awake from my clumsiness and we made eye contact.

i quickly got up on my feet to go back in the room and close the door, but baekhyun quickly grabbed me and wrapped his arms around my body.

i was thrashing in his arms. trying to get him to let go of me since i dont want to be anywhere near him. nonetheless touch by an unfaithful partner.

"let me explain, please" he sounded so broken. his voice was hoarse, probably from crying. but it just made you even angrier.

he held me tighter as long as it takes for me to calm down. when a minutes have passed and i have finally gave up in trying to escape, i let him hug me.

baekhyun takes this chance to explain what happened. clearing his throat, "i dont know when you came in yesterday and what you saw, but i assure you nothing happened" he says carefully.

i was lifeless. basically, he was holding my entire form together before i completely break apart.

sensing my silence he held me a bit tighter burying his head in my hair as he gently pressed kisses around. continuing, "that lady... she is one of my new partners in work. we hired her a few weeks before this whole thing started".

"she tried seducing me, tried countless of ways to get closer to me, but being the smart and loyal man i am i never gave in and i even called her out on it" he pulls away from you to cup your face.

"but that pissed her off.. she- she started messing with my paper works, my deals and partnership, i couldn't do anything, baby." his voice broke as he tried explaining for you to understand.

"i didnt know what to do. i told her i would fire her if she kept this up, but because she is the daughter of one of my most loyal partner...... she told me she would ruin me by telling lies with proof of fake documents i dont even know where she is getting it from" he is sobbing now. though a ton of bricks have finally lifted off his chest he was still scared.

i was still silent. taking in everything he had said, but one question is lingering in my mind that i hope is false.

"you said you never gave in to her foul play, right?" your voice so small baekhyun had to stop breathing just to hear. "then how come i saw the both of you kiss" you looked up at him, tears forming in your eyes at the memory.

"no no baby, she leaned in, but i assure you our lips did not touch. i pushed her away right when she leaned in. i knew she was going to do that, but i was waiting for her to do it so that if she does yell for help i can say that she was trying something on me without my consent." he explains, a bit too quickly for my brain, but i understand. i nod to him, my eyes casting downwards.

"even after all these explanations, i dont understand why you havent been giving me the love and affection i've been yearning for" i sniffed. heart hurting from all the pain. i look down tears wetting his suit.

"i'm so sorry, baby. for that reason... i just... i just couldnt bring myself to touch you, make love to you, or even say the three words because of how dirty things feel. i know i told you i did nothing with her, but i still felt dirty. im so sorry, baby" he is crying. trying his best to speak as he wraps his arms around you again. holding you tight.

understanding now you oat his back to calm him down. though the pain in your heart ceased a bit, it was still there.

"im- im so so- sorry, baby. for a- all the th- things i've put you through" he was hiccuping. the thought of how lonely and sad you mustve felt because of his cold actions towards you.

"let me make it up to you , baby. please i promise to be better . i promise to treat you better not do that ever again. " he says brokenly. cupping your face again as he pecks all over your face, but your lips.

"please, let me make it up for you, please" he desperately says while searching for your eyes.

you think for a moment. about everything he says. all the drama that happened and see how much shit he's been going through. although he should of told you about it he made it worse for himself.

baekhyun took your silence as a bad sign when he leaned his forehead onto yours. closing his eyes as he whispered, "baby, please forgive your shit of a boyfriend and let him treat you right. please" he opens his eyes at the last word to stare at your brown orbs.

"this is your only chance" you say before he swoops in and kisses you on the lips. the both of us meet each other head on. my arms finally wrapping around him to pull him closer as his arms trailed everywhere around you.

he picked me up and carry me over to the bed and laid me down. that night we spent reuniting with one another.

-

next morning came and the alarm rang for 10am. you woke up startled, but just laid there trying to back to sleep. you hear rustling on the other side of the bed as baekhyun turned off the alarm and wrapped his arm around your waist again.

confused by his action you turned over, "not going to work?" you questioned. while staring at his cute face. he shakes his head.

"i'll take care of whatever i need to take care of at home......... and that means firing that woman" he says before he made himself comfortable by snuggling closer to you.

i was a bit worried because of what baekhyun said she can do to him if he fires her, "but what about the lies she will do?"

"i'll face whatever bump it takes me and because i know and you know that i am innocent, that is enough" he smiles though his eyes are still closed.

not wanting to disturb him any further i fully turn to him and get closer to him. wrapping my arm around his torso. giving him a quick peck on his lips before closing my eyes to drift off again.

—

authornote: hello xD! i just wrote this for the past few hours after remembering a oneshot i read on tumblr similar to this that is no longer posted. so i figured to just write something similar to keep myself from going crazy by not being able to read it again aha. sry for the mistakes you see, but i hope you enjoy reading!

- admin b

[hispeculiartreasure]

dialogue prompts part 2: dialogue that's like an open wound: "it's gone. all of it" for the drabbles! sorry it took me years to send one in i've been all over the place.

#1 - I am SO sorry this is SO late

#2 - I apologize this is too damn long for a drabble but I just couldn’t stop.

#3 - I adore you, thank you for requesting!

From the Ashes

“That’s a hell of a lot bigger than what dispatch conveyed,” Natasha grumbles, turning the fire engine toward the scene, orange flames arrest Bucky’s attention.

The fire has already overtaken at least half of the apartment building, the structure becoming weaker every second. “Must be spreading fast. Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us,” Bucky returns, opening the door as soon as Nat throws the brake.

A huddle of evacuated residents are buzzing across the street from the blaze, only adding to the sense of panic in the area. The crew leaps out of the vehicle and Captain Rogers begins barking orders. “Tony, Bruce - fire attack through the front door. Barton, I need you on ventilation. Sam and Bucky, are rescuing.”

One woman runs toward the engine as the firefighters pull on their gear. “We’re just missing one person, the fire is my fault, oh my god, oh my-”

“Which apartment, ma’am?” Bucky asks, strapping his heavy jacket on.

Pointing to a corner apartment on the second floor, she begins to sob. “She’s in 2C. Please hurry, I don’t know what-”

“We’ll handle it.” He twists to wave Sam over. “We’ve got a woman on the second floor.”

Steve intervenes before they can charge through the main entrance. “The stairs have already fallen. Only point of entry is the balcony - get the ladder off!”

It only takes seconds to prop the ladder against the side of the building, even less time for Bucky to clamber up and over the balcony railing. He’s not even inside the building yet and the heat is already radiating through his gear. Flipping his face-shield down and tugging his gloves to make sure they’re secure, he tries the handle to the balcony door. Locked.

In a flash, the axe is off his back and steady in his hands before he’s swinging to lodge the head right above the doorknob into the frame. The wood splinters, allowing Bucky to push the door open. Immediately, smoke black as the night billows from the home. 

“Sam - stay in the doorway while I look for her.” Lowering to a crouch close to the floor, Bucky keeps one hand on the far wall as he sweeps the other across the floor. The fire alarms pierce his ears while the temperature rises with every step further into the building. “Where are you?” he yells above the roar of the flames.

Shadows are everywhere, smoke doing nothing to help him locate the victim. He has trouble distinguishing a couch from a pile of laundry to a-

Thump, thump, thump. 

Then a help!

Following the noise, Bucky turns a corner and finally lays eyes on a figure curled up on the floor. You’re screaming as best as you can through the wet cloth covering your mouth and nose, but it’s down to a wheeze as your lungs protest the smoke.

“I’m here! Are you hurt?” Bucky asks, reaching out to grab onto your leg. Sweat is pouring down his face, body quickly becoming overwhelmed with the heat. He can’t imagine how vulnerable you must feel in your pajamas.

“My ankle - I can’t walk,” your eyes are wild in your soot-covered face. He can see the emotional battle you’re fighting, warring between panic and control.

His walkie-talkie crackles to life. “Barnes, the fire is moving faster than we can stop, get her out right now,” Steve orders.

“Okay, I’m gonna wrap this around you,” Bucky pulls sturdy webbing from his pocket, “and drag you out, okay? Gonna get you out of here.” Expert fingers tie the webbing around you, fashioning a temporary harness under your legs and over your shoulders. He spins you so your face is close to his before grabbing the makeshift straps and pulling you across the floor. “Is there anyone else here?” he shouts, watching you carefully.

You shake your head vehemently as your eyes squeeze shut. Hand back on the wall, Bucky retraces his path to the balcony where Sam is poised to help get you down the ladder. The building shakes suddenly, a crack clearly audible. His talkie conveys the same chaos outside, he hears Bruce explain that the main structure will crumble in minutes.

Fresh air provides a moment of relief before Bucky helps you to your feet. You clutch to Bucky as he lifts you in his arms for the few steps between the threshold and the ladder where Sam will take you onto his shoulders and down to safety.

Moving to hand you over he can feel your nails digging into his jacket. “It’s okay - we’ve got you, you gotta let go of me, I’m right behind you.” You reluctantly loosen your grip and allow yourself to be transferred to Sam. Bucky locks eyes with you as he waits to crawl over the balcony. 

You are far from Bucky’s first rescue. He’s seen the best and worst case scenarios, felt the joy of a happy ending and the devastation of being too late. But he’s never felt the tug in his chest to stay close to someone like he’s feeling with you. The thought crosses his mind that he’ll never forget that look in your eyes as long as he walks the earth.

Sam has gotten you on the ground where he helps paramedics carry you to a waiting ambulance. Pushing you temporarily from his mind, Bucky’s boots hit the earth and he’s running to Steve to report that everyone is out, what can he do next.

An hour later, the fire is down to a smoldering wreckage. The neighborhood is no longer in danger of a spreading fire, the crew is safe, and every resident is accounted for. He asks Steve what else needs to be done. 

“We just have a few more things to wrap up. Go sit down and drink some water, we can handle the rest.”

Bucky didn’t have rest on his mind.

After shedding his helmet, pack, and coat, he wanders through the crowd. Distraught families comfort one another, paramedics check over sobbing children, displaced residents talk on the phone with relatives. His heart aches for the loss, but he’s grateful that this trip didn’t end with loss of life.

Rounding the back of the ambulance, he finally finds you.

There you are, sitting on the rear steps, a dark wool blanket resting on your shoulders. He can’t quite make out your hair color beneath the ash littering your crown. Dark smudges cover a majority of your skin, the white bandages covering parts of your arms and neck stark in contrast. A few burns are obvious on your wrists - your ankle has been wrapped and propped up.

Bucky clears his throat, but you don’t acknowledge him. “Ma’am?” he tries again. “How you doing?” As if in a daze, you slowly swivel your head to take him in. That’s when he recognizes the confusion on your face. “Sorry, forgot I had my mask on earlier. I’m the one that got you out of there. You doing okay?”

Comprehension dawns on you and you nod bleakly. Leaning a shoulder into the ambulance door, Bucky examining you cautiously. “You sure?”

Unblinking, you stare straight ahead. “It’s gone. All of it.” 

“I know. I’m sorry,” he hates the helpless feeling in his gut. He wasn’t equipped to deal with the aftermath, only the disaster itself.

“What…” your wavering voice brings his attention back to you. Your face is turned up to his, anguish evident. “What do I do now? Like, what do I DO?”

That’s when he notices the trembling in your hands. Then the shallow breathing.

Finally. Something he can do.

Crouching in front of you, his hands gingerly find their way to your knees in an attempt to help ground you. “It’s alright, I need you to keep breathing. Can you count with me? Breathe in for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and breathe out for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.” Shuddering, you pull the blanket tighter to you, focusing all your energy into following the steady stream of Bucky’s voice. “Breathe in again… now hold your breath for 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Now breathe out.” He follows this sequence for several minutes, lightly squeezing your legs in encouragement. 

Relief floods his chest when you begin to calm. “There we go. You’re doing great.”

“Thank you,” you sniffle sheepishly.

“S’what I’m here for,” he gives you a sympathetic smile.

You snort, eyes downcast. “To calm a hysterical woman? Doubtful.”

“Agree to disagree,” he teases, causing you to meet his gaze again. “When we start this job, we take a pledge to ‘demonstrate concern for others, show a willingness to help those in need, and serve unselfishly wherever called’. I think comforting someone who has experienced trauma falls under that. Be a little gentle with yourself.”

More tears spill down your cheeks, leaving clean trails down your dirty face. 

“Thank you…”

“Barnes. James. My friends call me Bucky.”

“Bucky,” you repeat. “Thank you - for saving me. And helping me. And being so kind.” Your smile wavers for a moment, but remains - albeit watery.

“Yes ma’am,” he rumbles easily. “If you need anything these next couple days, call our station, okay? Unit 43. We are always able to lend a helping hand.”

You fail to cover a laugh. “You’ve already gone above and beyond your pledge, Bucky.”

“Once again,” he moves a strand of hair behind your ear, “agree to disagree.”

[lunarkat87]

It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220

[littleangel4996]

My Fate Pt 3

Summary: After (Y/n) takes care of Michael,he wakes up in the morning confused as hell and wants answers same as her.

Warning: reader undressing Michael but keeps her eyes on his face, Michael wrapped in a towel, cursing, mentions of virginity.

Michael faints in my lap after he told me who he is. Thank my fucking ancestors that I'm a witch because this man weighs a ton for a skinny.

I use transmutation to teleport to the bathroom and get him clean. This is going to be very difficult for me because how am I supposed to bathe him while he's out ? Again he's heavy.

I'm going to have to wake him a little bit, but he's so peacefully asleep I don't want to wake him up. Let me look up online on how to bathe someone unconscious.

I look it up and nothing except either bathing with him (which I rather avoid) or bathe him in bed (now that's a good idea) or even better, let him sit on the tub while I bathe him so I could avoid getting my clothes wet and not be naked with a stranger. I set the shower for warm temperature. As I wait for the water to be warm I start to take off his jean jacket, yellow dirty shirt and start to unbuckle his khaki pants throwing them in the hamper behind me. The last article is his briefs. Holy crap oh God. I've never seen a actual penis except on a porn website that I accidentally saw when I had to borrow Madison's laptop. I've actually never even done it with a man.

I have to suck it up, I have to suck it up.

I keep saying it like a mantra. I take a deep breath and remove his underpants. I just kept my eyes on him not his “thing”.

-----

This was the hardest task for me than performing the seven wonders.

I had a little strength to help him to the guest room is as he lands perfectly on the bed. I made sure a towel is wrapped around his waist and I finally tuck him in the covers removing the bangs from his face. He looked so much like an angel. The fire alarm goes off in the kitchen as I go downstairs I see smoke coming from the oven. I quickly open up the windows then quickly opened up the oven to be greeted with black smoke in my face. I ran the near drawer to find a rag as I fanned out it out the best I can.

As for the pizza, well there is no point in eating it unless I enjoy burnt pizza then I'm probably crazy.

Instead of a warm meal for dinner I thought a nice (f/f) ice cream was a good way to cool things down after one crazy night. Especially when you just moved in to your new home.  Selene, now soundly asleep in bed while watching a little bit of TV as myself start to go into a deep slumber and deal with the situation tomorrow.

Next this is Michael's POV

Michael's P.O.V

After grandma threw me out and not caring or worrying about where to go. She basically doesn't care if I sleep on a fucking bench. None other less I still love her, maybe if I go to the park for a little bit and then maybe I can return home so we can forgive each other. That happy thought was soon cut off as I was struck by someone's car. I laid  on the ground hurt. I can barely move. The car stops probably going to check on me. The person behind the wheel backs up their vehicle and runs me over again

Again.

Again.

And again.

I wake up gasping for air. I'm back in my old room.

"It was only a dream. Ha it was just a bad dream" I chuckled as I laid back down rubbing my eyes. Or is it my room.  Looked around closely to see that I'm laying in a king size bed, instead of my dresser being white they were mahogany and a flat screen TV ? Where is my video game system and my desk along with my shelf with my other stuff. Well I guess there is a shelf that's stacked with books and bored games.  I decide to climb out of bed and look down at myself with only a towel wrapped around me and surprisingly clean. I remember a girl, the one who hit me in the face.

Could she be the one who cleaned me. Probably that's why I'm naked. I hope she cleaned my clothes, maybe there are clothes in the dresser.

I walked over to the dresser as I open to find it empty. Figures. Okay, as long as I'm wearing the towel around my waist I'll still be covered.

As I come to open the door there she appeared in pink pajamas with mices printed on them and about to reach the knob. It was the girl who cleaned me. Wow, I've never seen anyone that looks so beautiful. Her (h/l) (h/c) so healthy I bet it never has split ends, her skin looks so soft, her (e/c) eyes can hypnotize anyone and...she is holding my clothes.

“Good morning Michael”

“Good morning umm” She hands me my clean clothes.

“(Y/n) (/l/n) but please call me by my first name” she says nervously. “Oh when you are dressed you may come down for breakfast with me and Selene”.

“Selene?” I gave her a questioning look.

“Oh my cat, she's friendly of course. But enough with me talking you must be dressed you won't be naked. okay I'll be gone.” The girl name (y/n) leaves down stairs heading to the kitchen I believe.

(Y/n) P.O.V

I just got done with pancakes and bacon placing them each on the plate. 2 pancakes and 5 strips of bacon. I don't know if he prefers orange juice, milk or coffee. I'll just ask him when he comes down. He may actually fit into my ex-boyfriend's clothes and shoes. I heard the padded footsteps coming from the stairs to see Michael dressed in his old clean clothes.

“Hey, you're just in time for breakfast. Would you like coffee, orange juice or milk “ I've asked him.

“ Umm I've never tried coffee before, how is it ? “ He asked.

“Well to me it's good, would you like to try mine” he nodded his head. I pass him my cup as he takes small sips of mine until he almost drinks the whole thing. I start to giggle and say “ You can keep it, I'll pour myself another cup”.

I take a cup from the cabinet, adding stuff to my coffee and take a seat across from Michael. He looks at me as if he's waiting for me to give him the go ahead to eat.

“ Please, eat. You've been underground for since God knows when.” He doesn't wait for me to tell him twice as he eats like he's never ate before, like literally. I began to eat as well. This is so fucking weird. I've never thought I would be having someone from the grave to eat breakfast with me.

“Hey, Michael. May I ask you some questions?” I asked. He pauses before putting another pancake in his mouth, dropping the fork.

“I as well would like to ask some questions to Ms. (Y/n)” .

“ just (y/n) please” I say to him and he nodded.

For a little bit of awkward silence until I broke it.

“So Michael, if you don't mind me asking what happened to you like how did you die.”

Michael was hesitant at first but he answered.

“ Well first of all, this used to be my home until you moved in. Actually is this year 2015 still” he asked.

“ Wait no, this is 2020. You've been dead for 6 years.” His blue eyes widened, shocked that he been dead for 6 years. Damn Id be in the same position as Michael. Michael explains what happened to him.

“And second off, My grandma and I had a fight and she told me she never wanted me nor see me again then-”

“Oh my god she killed you ?”

“No” he retorted. “But she did left me on road for dead after she told me to go to hell”. Wait what? He tells me his grandmother didn't kill him but left her grandson on the road for dead after telling him to go to hell.

“Did you get a good look at who killed you” he shook his head. “All I know is that a black car hit me. I don't know what kind of car it was, I'm sorry.” He looked like he wanted to cry.

“I probably deserved it, after I killed the animals and the priest I should have stayed dead. I'm a monster” he cried. So the dead animals were his doing...and a priest, what priest? But I'm not the kind of person to judge, a wise woman once  taught me ‘

‘those who judge will never understand and those who understand will never judge.’

I rubbed my hand on top of his as he looked up at me with his teary blue eyes.

“Listen Michael,what you did was in the past. People can change and deserve a second chance” I finished.

“Why do you want to help me” he wipes his tears away.

“I just told you, everyone deserves a second chance in life. Even if you done plenty dirty deeds. You probably have questions for me too, don't  you.” He nodded his head.

I take a deep breath and “ Michael I was the one who brought you back to life. My cat Selene found dead animals from yours and grandmother's backyard and I guess when I brought them back from the dead I also brought you.” He's getting confused, oh dear.

“ Michael what I'm trying to say is that I'm….well... a witch” I admitted. “ And no not like wizard of Oz, Sabrina the teenage witch or any sort. I'm talking from the old age witch. I came from a private school in New Orleans, Louisiana called Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies where young witches are automatically enrolled once their powers have been uncovered.we've been taught the history of our kind on how to practice witchcraft, to discover and control our abilities” I finished. I was waiting for Michael to laugh at me or be scared of me but he crossed his arms cocking his head.

“Prove it”.

“What ?” I tried to replay what he just said but I thought he just told me to prove it to him that I'm a witch.

“It's the only way that I'm going to believe you” he said. I took a big sigh using one of my powers, pyrokinesis. I concentrate on the coffee cup as it boils then flames erupted from the cup making Michael jump out of his chair. Then I transmuted behind him poking his shoulder turning around so fast that he's seen a ghost.

“That-that”

“Michael please relax I'm not going to hurt you” I reassured him.

“Was awesome!” He exclaimed having a smile on his face.

“Wait really, you ain't scared of me” I asked, I'm very shocked because if I show these abilities to normal people then they'll run away screaming monster. Well not really but still

“Not at all, I think you would have killed me again if you were a bad evil witch but you are a good awesome witch” he finishes. Selene rubs up against me as I picked her up, rubbing her face against mine. Michael tries to pet her but Selene immediately hisses at Michael. He steps away from her.

“Selene will get used to you Michael don't take it offensive” I said. Michael tucks both his hands in his pockets and nods.

This is going to be one hell of a strange adventure.

-Now as you can see this was a long ass fucking chapter 😂. But I'm glad I took my time with this chapter and thank you for the people were patient ❤️.

@barbie-solecism

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@poisedphantom

[rosiie-posie]

It's been a minute but I need to express myself...

been having a bit of rough weekend...I live alone in a basement apartment in Toronto, ON..I don't have support financially from my family or friends but I've been doing it in my own for 5 years now (3 in Windsor, 2 in Toronto) through work. O make a decent living by myself, enough to pay ky.bills and such...I've always been safe and barely cook to begin with because the fire alarm goes off a lot with a little bit of heat...so anyways, I've lived at the same basement for 2 years and this past Friday November 15th 2019 there was a fire in the basement. It started on the stove...I had gone home to drop some stuff off before leaving for the weekend (I was going to visit my family in London Ontario for 2 nights). I had put my new heater (still in the box) on the stove and left right away because I was running late for my train. I didn't realize the stove was on. The last time I cooked was the Monday or Tuesday prior but I used the oven to make burgers. I know I turned it off. Well the box caught fire and there was some damage done to the basement where the stove/fridge is, the countertop...soot everywhere...some damage upstairs where my landlords live with their 7 month old baby..the knobs on the stove top were faulty (the knob fell off of one )... I should have been more careful...there was no one home luckily and no one was injured..I am heading back there now to see what damage there is and to figure out what's next for me. I don't know if I'll still be living there as it may be better for us to part ways with no animosity...but right now I am going to be staying with my boyfriend's family until I figure things out...the only thing that has really taken my mind off of this matter during this time is listening to @taylorswift and my grandma's house is finally getting renovated after 30 ish years..i just want to say I will stand by you forever @taylorswift YOUR art has helped me through so many bad times and good times in my life over the last 13 years. Releasing your story to the world has given me hoe that things will be okay even if I'm not fine at all. I love you @taylorswift and I thank you for being there even if you never read this. Thank you for being your. I appreciate you to the ends of the universes.

[teddyylou]

Seven Minute Siege: aka that fan fiction I've been half assedly promoing

Here it is Chapter 1/15

PART 1: SILENT WITNESSES

Caspar’s Story:

STARTS 9:48 AM

Who actually needs to know what year the Berlin wall was built?

After a good ten minutes of trying to force myself to pay attention, I give up, easing my cramped hand and dropping my pencil on the table. I sat there staring at it, SpongeBob print mocking me, while it rolled onto the floor.

Mental note; thank Joe for that stationary set later.

The saddest part is that I actually like history.

It’s even sadder that I wouldn’t like it apart from the fact that Mr P. was the teacher. He was the first teacher who actually looked like they wanted to be there, and not in a creepy; over the top way, but he was also the first teacher who actually gave me a chance. He quickly became my advisor in freshman year, and I couldn’t thank him enough.

“Caspar? Caspar! Are you listening?” I hear someone snap their fingers and I look away from my pencil, which has made its way over to the bookshelf next to my desk and is currently chilling with a 2006 copy of People Magazine. Bless the American Education System. I see that it was Mr P. and I give him an apologetic smile.

Great job, Caspar

“I get that you only have three weeks left of high school but that is no excuse to feel like you do not have to-”

BANG! Crackle BANG!

“AHHHHHHG!!!”

BA- CRACKLE!

The loudspeaker cut out and the whole class is left silent and wide-eyed.

What in the hell..?

Mr P. looks from the P.A. in question over to us, then back to the P.A. His teeth are clenched together in a ‘what the fuck’ kind of way. He clears his throat before turning to us once more.

“I’m sure someone in the office just fell on the loudspeaker button… Back to work guys.” Mr P coaxed with his usual smile, but due to the uncertainty in his voice, not a single student resumed their study.

My stomach churned, Mr. P’s words just slipped through my mind like a whisper.

The class were all wide-eyed and dead silent. A pin dropping could have be heard. I looked at the faces of my classmates, the people I had come to know slightly better over the semester, most of which I had never spoken to until senior year. Their expressions were not necessarily scared, but at the same level of ‘what the fuck’ that Sir was at moments ago.

From the back of the classroom Sam Pepper, a generally loud and obnoxious kid, reluctantly raised his hand.

“Sir, even if they fell on the button, that didn’t sound normal for an office. Should we- should we lock down?” His voice cracked in his sentence through fear.

“No, no, it’s fine… Come on guys.” Mr P sounded completely unfazed by the sound we just witnessed. I understand that teachers have to keep us calm and all, but if he is only pretending that everything will be fine, he is doing a good job of it. But unfortunately he is the only one doing so.

Mr P sighs, “Guys, fine. If anything is really wrong, the alarm will go off. Until then, we have nothing to worry about.” Our teacher encouraged. I had a bad feeling about this and I’m sure the feeling amongst the other students was mutual.

9:49 AM

Mr P sat timidly at his desk, hands clasped together and tense. I think the tension of the situation was growing on him as he went from his still position behind his desk, to quickly jumping out of his seat faster than lightning. He marched directly over to the door, reaching out both hands to close it. But just his hands reached the doorknob; he was pushed back by a strong force and knocked onto the floor.

Screams were let out as a red colour appeared across his chest, spreading quickly staining his blue button-up shirt. It was like the universe went into slow motion as a man in a black beanie concealing his face, only enough so that he could see, pushed our teacher to the floor as he stormed the classroom, gun in hand. He fired across the classroom as people ducked and dived for cover before their brains could register what was happening. Students were dropping like flies in their attempt to escape the mad man’s fire.

After coming to my senses of what was happening, I jumped behind the bookcase and pulled my knees to my chest. I cover my ears in an attempt to block out the sounds of my classmates and friends’ screams. I can’t comprehend what is happening as bullets fly around the room like darts, hitting people multiple times. Who could be doing this? Why? I see a body fall practically on to me, ripping me out of trance as I jump in shock and horror. I almost let out a scream as I push it off noticing that it was the body of none other than Sam Pepper that was now lying next to me; my clothes are saturated in his blood as wet, hot tears stream down my face.

I rock back and forth while the gunshots continue. Then all of a sudden they stop, just as fast as they had started. Either everyone was dead or I had gone deaf due to the bullets. All I could hear was my own heart beat through every part of my body as I held my breath.

I remember what my mother told me. If I’m ever in this situation, play dead.

The figure walks around the bodies of senior students checking to make sure no one is alive. I quickly go limp and continue to hold my breath as I shut my eyes; Pretending that Sam’s blood is my own. I feel the man walk past me and stop. I try not to move.

I want to scream.

I give all of my will power not to squint my eyes further, or do anything to show that I am not dead. If I try anything I’ll be dead before I could finish it. I hear what I think is him finally walking away. I count to thirty before deciding to sit up.

I look around the now silent classroom, amongst the red puddles and splatters on the floor and walls, to see that I am the only one left alive.

As the silence continues, I decide to stand. I walk lines through the desks. Slowly, not trying to touch anyone, checking that maybe someone is still breathing. I see dead bodies left and right, still with eyes open. Clutched stomachs, and hurled over bodies from pain, the stench of death already lingering. I make it to the front of the room, failing in an attempt to steady my breaths and tears.

I head to the door, peeking my head around the frame. It would be stupid to leave; the man could walk out from anywhere and shoot me. I bring my whole body back inside the classroom and press it to the wall, hidden against it.

Not sure if I can bear to look at anything in the room for any longer, I let out a breath with my eyes squeezed shut.

I wait in silence.

…1…

…2…

…3…

I suck my breath right back in and slide down the wall to the floor when the gunshots start again.

9:50 AM

From my spot in a ball against the orange felt walls, I hear the door of the classroom next to ours get broken into, the cries of a teacher trying to save his students, who at least bothered to make them go into lockdown.

I try to find something to distract myself from what was going on, so I can pretend I’m not helplessly pressed against a wall clinging onto it for dear life. The sounds of gunshots go off around me echoing through the halls as screams and cries ring in my ears. Unfortunately the only other thing I can see from my spot on the floor is the dead corpse of my favourite teacher.

I feel like I never got to repay him for everything he did for me. He was the one who helped my with my dyslexia, he was the only one who tried to find other solutions for me to complete my work. He never dismissed my Tourette’s as bad behaviour. He understood my ticks. But most importantly, out of everything, he helped my come into terms with myself and helped me believe that who I was, was okay and nothing to be ashamed of.

In a time where I was to afraid to even come to school, or go home, he gave me council, and we talked it out. He made me realise that I was normal and that I had nothing to worry about. He told me to come to him if anyone was ever mean to me, and he advised me when I told him about my crush on my now three year boyfriend Joe.

We had gotten together at the end of freshman year, and today of all days was our three-year anniversary. Mr P helped me build up courage to ask him out. Joe was always so confidant and one of the only openly gay guys at our school. There was Tyler and Troye, two best friends who I was always too afraid to talk to. There was also Connor Franta but he didn’t come out until the end of last year.

It was only through Mr P and Joe that I can now say that all of those people, plus many more are now my best friends in the whole world.

Speaking of anniversaries, it just occurred to me that a certain event was due to happen just after school was let out. Three weeks from now, at the start of the break, Mr P was going to get married. Joe, the rest of my family and I were all invited and we were hardly ever not talking about it.

I let out a small whimper thinking about him and his fiancé. She was lovely; she was a musician and had an amazing sense of humour. He was caring and brilliant. They were perfect for each other. He was stupid for not going into lockdown. But neither of them deserved this. No one did.

My thoughts were interrupted as I noticed the unnerving silence which must have meant that the gunshots had stopped, then I heard a small creak of a door from across the hall. Curiosity got the best of me and I peeked my head around the corner yet again. My eyes widened as I met an equally scared looking pair of eyes, belonging to no other then Arden Rose. She was hiding in the doorway of the library, obviously not knowing the situation, and scared out of her brains. I silently urged for her to run back into the library. Using my hands as signals but it was clear she had no idea what I was trying to get across to her.

She took one look at me, then down the hall, I knew what she was planning and I wanted to run over to her and stop her before she did. I sat helplessly in the doorframe as she met my worried gaze one more. I knew the man had left the second classroom, he would see her. In a flash she launched herself from her spot, only to slam herself back against it as a bullet was fired straight at her. My heart stopped as it hit the brickwork, only just missing her. What was she doing! I could only stare at her while willing my heart to start again as the sound of a door slamming to the ground and more bullets and more scream echoed in my ears. I tried to signal to her to run, but I knew I was too late. So was off sprinting down the hall, book bag flying behind her. I bashed my hands on the wall as a slammed my head back into it in a mix of anger, worry and frustration. I wanted to scream as I heard two more gunshots follow her down the hall.

I couldn’t stand it. It was one thing for my classmates to die, another thing for my favourite teacher. But Arden was something different. She was one of my best friends, and she is dead. I accepted her fate as I silently cried. Pulling at my hair. There is no way she could have escaped.

9:51 AM

My thoughts turn to Joe as I cry to myself, trying not to be heard. I was stuck, helpless in this classroom, as a mass killer rampaged my school. I could no longer hear any gunshots if they were still going on. The only thing I knew was that my beautiful boyfriend was in the classroom at the end of the hall. I hoped he was in lockdown, but as much as I craned my neck I couldn’t see out of the door far enough to check.

He wasn’t at school this morning and I prayed that he decided to just not show up. I wanted to text him but if he was in his classroom I didn’t want to put him in danger by setting his phone off. If he was in any sort of trouble, he would text me.

It still awed me that I was lucky enough to have him. Not to mention that Joe had been mine for three years. I was even more stunned that he loved me back to be honest, not to mention freshman Caspar. Joe has always been this angelic, stunning, little human and I’m still not sure if I have grown into my long, lanky limbs and massive ears. Yet ‘I love you’ is the first thing I hear from him every time we meet so I must be doing something right.

As soon as the police show up I will find him and hold him and never let him go. He is my beautiful baby boy and my number one priority even if I have to shield him from danger with my own body; I would do anything to keep him safe. If we both can’t make it out of this, I will make it my mission to make sure that he is the one alive. He has so much potential, much more than I do. I would never find someone even close too as good as him.

I’m whipped okay.

We have an amazing day planned for after school, which includes skipping the last two periods. Though after all of this, we might not feel like it. I would be happy if we are just both here to see it happen.

I flinch when out of the corner of my eye I see something move past the window on the other side of the classroom. I turn my whole tear stained face to see

… Kian…

… and JC…

Is that … Ricky?

9:52 AM

They slowly walk past the window. Kian grips onto JC’s shoulder and Ricky scouts the area as they sneak their way past my classroom. They must have gotten up out of their own class and left. The tension probably got too much for them. Maybe they were already out of class when it happened.

Idiots. That’s the only word I could think of to describe them. Sure they were kinda my friends, and I get that they would want to leave, but there is one guy in the hallway who just shot my entire class plus two more, and one guy can’t hold down a whole school right?

Anyway, there are probably at least three more gunmen around ready to shoot; Ricky, JC and Kian are goners.

Like with Arden, I try to signal them. JC points at me through the window and the other two turn to face me. Ricky waves me over but I furiously shake my head.

What! Is he, crazy? I’m not risking my life to try and sneak out. If I could save anyone I would, but it is impossible for me to leave my spot. I try to tell them to leave and get out of sight.

The three boys just stare at me through the window, they shrug at my gestures and smile at me. Kian waves as he puts his hand on Ricky’s back pushing them on. They walk out of the way of the window so I can no longer see them.

I start to panic. Everything is finally catching up to me. The smell, the small cramped position that I am in, the fact that I can’t leave said position. Maybe I can. I have no idea what is happening around me and my phone is over on my desk. I can’t see anyone’s texts or snap chats or Tweets or anything. It all occurs to me that there could be more killers, no police; Maybe Kian, JC and Ricky are outside safe, maybe they are already dead.

The worst part is that I’m stuck alone, with my thoughts. I can escape them just as much as I can escape this room. It’s so quiet that the only thing I can hear is the screams of the past five minutes playing over in my head.

Wait, it was quiet. Actually dead silent.

There hadn’t been a gunshot in a really long time, or at least, not one that I had heard. Did that mean it was safe?

I couldn’t take being there anymore and decided that it would be best to leave, I had missed all of the other opportunities I had been given and this could be my last one. What if he comes back?

I slowly stand, using the wall to help me up. I look at the red handprint that I had left slowly seep into the felt. However, this thing ends, it won’t be happily. So many parents have lost their children; people losing soul mates, siblings, family members, and friends…

I hear one final gunshot and jump in my spot. I freeze.

9:53 AM

I hear a scream. It sounded like the person was screaming out ‘Noooo!’ but kind of like someone’s name.

It also kind of sounded like Will.

No, YES! it was unmistakably the cry of Will Darbyshire. Did he find Arden? They weren’t together but it is so obvious how they feel. He clearly loves her.

I don’t want to think about how he would feel if he found her body. I turn my head back towards the wall where I once sat.

I think about the impact on everyone’s lives that this one man, let alone any other gunman at this school, or anywhere, has done to our community.

Who let him have a gun; WHO JUST LETS ANYONE HAVE A GUN? I slam my fist against the mark I left on the wall in anger.

I’m angry for those who had to die today; their families, and anyone who has to go back to school after this and deal with the memories of what went down on this morning.

All of those students were my friends! They were so talented, they had bright futures. They had so many people who loved them and they themselves loved so many.

I didn’t care anymore, I pulled my hair with both my hands and I let out a frustrated scream and it was almost like one thousand other voices were screaming with me.

I lifted my head from my hands to see that it wasn’t in my head. There really were people screaming with me. A class of students from the end of the hall were rampaging down it, screaming and yelling and avoiding the flailing gunfire of the man on the floor.

I lean out of the door, grabbing onto the frame to watch it. The students burst through the front door of the school to safety; cheering and whooping as they exited the crime scene.

I got swept up in it all and felt a yell strangled in my throat wanting to be let out.

I was about to let it out as the last few members of the class left the building, when the gunman stood up.

9:54 AM

I wasn’t sure if he had seen me but I dived against the door again, this time against the other side, flat against the open door itself.

I watched in horror as the man walked over to two pairs of feet trapped under a bank of lockers that must have been pushed over during the stampede.

No, no, NO! Not more death! We were good, we were safe. More people can’t die today.

I watched as I recognized a turquoise quiff belonging to one of the trapped victims. No, Not Tyler!

I Stood ready to scream. I could create a distraction. The suspense was building, almost at tipping point. I sucked in a breath as a different noise sounded from the end of the hall. The sound of multiple texts on someone’s iPhone rang through the dead silent halls. I breathed heavily as I looked from the lockers to the man to the direction of the noise. It did its job as the man dropped his gun to his side and followed it.

It wasn’t until my eyes looped back around to the noise as well that I noticed the man lift his gun again, to the head of Connor Franta.

I let out an audible whimper as I held my breath. He looked as threatening as a kitten as he kneeled on the floor. Large eyes pleading to the man for mercy. I had held my breath for so long that black spots appeared in my vision, blocking my view as I braced myself.

I shut my eyes as the last gunshot went off.

A body fell to the ground and the clank of the silver on the tiles jolted me fully awake.

Two arms scooped me off the ground and once again the confusion upon me sent the world into slow motion.

I was barely walking for myself as my feet kicked the ground. The police were practically dragging me out of the school.

I turned my head to face the body of the gunman on the floor. Lying in a pool of his own blood.

It was over.

Until the high-pitched squeal of a girl spun the world back to normal, and the worried sprints of Dan, Phil, Tanya and Jim had me break out of the policemen’s grip to follow them.

Part 2: https://teddy-parade.tumblr.com/post/155612175180/seven-minute-siege-pt-215