#and the erasure of bi women in lesbian spaces

[lucarioguy15]

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[gl1tched-g0th]

Happy Pride. Can we celebrate by, just for the month, having fandoms not be weird about lesbians/lesbian-coded characters.

Can we acknowledge that just because a woman character exists, and doesn't stare directly into the camera like an episode of the Office to say "I Do Not Like Men", that doesn't mean they aren't lesbian?

Can we please acknowledge how fandoms, especially cartoon spaces, are not normal about lesbians and lesbian coding. Can we acknowledge that lesbian is not a "dirty" or "taboo" word, and that it is okay to admit that a character is just a flat out lesbian.

Can we not try to maneuver our way around it by saying "well they could be bi/pan!", like so many people do with lesbian characters. For example:

-Amity from TOH, confirmed lesbian. People still argue that she's bisexual, because she drew herself with a fictional nonbinary character from a book once in the entire show.

-Velma from Scooby Doo, confirmed lesbian. When she got confirmed, people still argued she was bi because she dated men in past shows/specials - despite her being visibly uncomfortable in the relationships in question. Some even argued it was "bi-erasure" to make her a lesbian, which is insane to me.

-Amaya from The Dragon Prince, confirmed lesbian. Before she was confirmed, people said she was a "bicon" instead of lesbian, despite her showing no interest in men within the show. All she did was have a male interpreter (because shes DEAF and needs one), and people immediately paired them together.

-Ellie Williams from TLOU, confirmed lesbian. She shows no interest in men, states multiple times that men are "not her type", has only dated/had crushes on women within all games, the show, and even the comic, and yet people still claim she's bi.

-Robin Buckley from Stranger Things, confirmed lesbian. There's not much I can say here. She came out as a lesbian in the show, and people still call her bisexual. The jokes write themselves.

-Sammy from Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory, lesbian-coded. She's often headcanoned as anything but lesbian, often excused with "she never Outright said she's a lesbian like Yaz said she was bi", or that a few crew members said she was meant to be ambiguous. Yet I see nobody questioning why she specifically - the only other main female character, and who has never shown interest in men - is being kept that way.

-Vanessa from The Hollow, lesbian-coded. Developed a friendship with a male character, but has never expressed romantic interest in men. Laughing at a joke made by the opposite gender, and wanting to impress a male character because of a need for validation are not signs of romantic interest, by the way.

I am not saying you can't headcanon characters as bi, or that bi people are "evil", or trying to ""police"" who you ship together or whatever else excuse people use to derail conversations about this. There is a frequent pattern within fandoms where a lesbian (coded) character exists + has any relationship with a man ever + doesn't explicitly state they don't like men = not a lesbian. And fuck, even when they DO say they don't like men, they are still seen as bi.

Queer-coding is just as eminent as having a character be confirmed as queer. And, surprisingly (sarcasm) that also applies to lesbian coded characters. Lesbian characters do not need to "prove" their lesbianism to the viewers by hating/isolating themselves from men to be lesbians. They do not need to say outright that they don't like men in order to be lesbian coded. They can have relationships with men without being romantically interested in them. Lesbians have been fighting for so long to not be seen as "needing" to be with men in order to just. exist.

And believe me I could go on a whole rant about how this entire issue has roots in misogyny within the community, or how some people still haven't unlearned the idea of how a man and woman can have an 100% platonic relationship, or how people treat calling a character lesbian as a "last resort", but this post is already a wall of text as it is.

Please just be normal about lesbians in media.

[mulderscully]

i know it's a silly harhar joke and i find it funny too but characters like alex and buck not realizing they're bisexual for a long time isn't because they're stupid. it's not because they necessarily dislike being attracted to men. it's because of bisexual erasure within both heterosexual and queer space being rampant for a long time and is only starting to get better now. bisexuals make up around 60% of the lgbt+ community, (in the us) but look how long the wikipedia page for bisexual erasure is.

not only do more women/afab people identify as bisexual, but keep in mind that bisexual people overall are much less likely to identify as bisexual to others or be out than gay and lesbian people because part of the bisexual experience is feeling like you're not allowed to even sit at the table, so to speak. most bisexual+ men may have queer feelings and experiences, but they may not examine those things as much as a bisexual women might because biphobia and the patriarchy tie together in a way that is unique to bisexual men.

characters like alex and buck are so impactful because they're new. most bisexual representation in tv and film has been women until recently, and even that is still rare. a character like callie torres on grey's in 2009 — when i was 14! — helped me see myself as a bisexual, but men have not had characters like that until nearly ten years later. and it's not until i even read rwrb in 2020 that i saw any bisexual character not receive some degree of biphobia from their love interest.

representation is important because when we see someone experience what we experience it helps us name something we may not have fully understood about ourselves before and put a name to it because they're on that same journey on screen. alex and buck were always bi, they just didn't know they were allowed to be so. they're not stupid, they were failed by society and had to unlearn their own internalized biphobia and bisexual erasure because so many of us, even subconsciously, think we're not allowed to exist and/or to take up space in a community that we are literally in the acronym of. no one really talks about us except us.

you're not stupid if you didn't know you were bi the whole time, you're not stupid for not knowing when you were a teenager or in your twenties either.

(*i am genderfluid/nb but am mostly using m/f here for the sake of this specific conversation. bisexual nb people exist too.)

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/757030754384560129/i-know-its-petty-but-my-eyes-always-roll-out-of#notes

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, it's not about "Calling a relationship with bi women "lesbian" while I also have my issues calling a bi WlW relationship by default a "lesbian" relationship, and then treating the individuals as lesbians despite one or both being bisexuals. We have so many labels, yet despite all that we still only got straight and gay/lesbian for relationships? Though it shouldn't surprise me, with the rampant biphobia in queer spaces has been known for ages, and the heated bi erasure in historical situations. And any "non-monosexual" configurations. Especially the erasure in some form or other when bisexuals get into a relationship, you get to be labelled het or gay, deal with it. Maybe it would be nice to have a word that more clearly presents something as involving bisexuality. But I digress. What I was talking about is taking female characters who've shown romantic love to male characters, and the fandom deciding "No, lesbian." and plastering everything with this character being a lesbian, lesbian flags, constantly referring to the character as lesbian in every fandom space. Lesbian here lesbian there, lesbian lesbian lesbian. That paired with thinly veiled biphobic comments or outrage when the characters get depicted as bisexual, or people alluding to the female characters male attraction.

Again, it's the pattern that's the problem. If it only was some times, then that'd be one thing, but it's basically fandom default to call any female character a lesbian if the occasion allows. Even female characters who've shown no romantic or sexual interest at all, most will default to lesbian and then seethe if anyone dares apply a different label like bi/pan or asexual.

There are so many canon examples, the West is easier so TLOK, She-Ra, TOH, RWBY, any of the canon WlW ships there's a big change someone is just gonna not just call the relationship lesbian, but also call the characters themselves lesbian, even the canon bisexuals. Also some Eastern stuff like BNHA, or when reading some danmei, the female characters get the lesbian stamp, as if the only option for a yaoi/BL/Danmei female is to become lesbian. SVSSS would be an example for that, where I've seen every ex-harem member be labelled a lesbian in some form or other, and any indication of viewing them as bi/pan is viewed as lesbian erasure or the likes, or in MDZS the girl who gets saved by the the main lead, MianMian? despite ending up with a husband and daughter gets called lesbian, and even claimed to be canonically so, unless that was the Red big sister character who never showed any attraction in any direction. (I think it's both actually.)

--

[sha-brytols]

Leliana should have been a lesbian

genuinely trying to approach this in a way that isnt belligerent or snarky just in case this is a sincere opinion and not a weird response to my offhanded post on her and alistair LOL but like with all my love and sincerity i really do not jive with this being said about canonically bisexual characters who talk very openly about being attracted to men and women alike. like just as someone whose growth was definitely neutered by the idea that you can only be one or the other for a really long time it does hurt my soul a little to see this perpetuated in fandom spaces and it's always specifically towards female bisexual characters with preferences towards other women (something that is Severely lacking and in my opinion fuels a lot of the erasure of bi women specifically as "straight and male-centered")

i mean i'm cool with lesbians having their headcanons i dont actually mind if you just personally perceive her as a lesbian but the "she shouldn't have been bi" sentiment is something i'm a little sensitive to and i reeaaally dont want to get these kinds of comments 🙏

[radicalfeministroots]

what are your opinions on chappell roan? i see a lot of discourse on radblr calling her a 'fake lesbian' and the like.

The idea that Chappell Roan is a "fake lesbian" is rooted in harmful gatekeeping and bi/pan erasure. She has been open about her attraction to women and her journey in understanding her identity something that many queer people experience.

Policing someone’s queerness based on their past or demanding they meet rigid standards of "authenticity" only reinforces exclusionary and purist attitudes that harm the broader LGBTQ+ community.

While it’s fair to critique how the music industry markets queerness, there's no evidence that Chappell Roan is being disingenuous.

She’s creating space for queer joy and representation in pop music, and dismissing that because she doesn’t fit into a narrow definition of queerness feels counterproductive.

[bi-dykes]

So this isn’t really a question but it sorta is?

Basically I’m realizing I could be bisexual after identifying as lesbian for some time. But I’ve fought for my lesbian identity from society and my family but now that I fell for my queer platonic partner who recently came out as trans ftm things have changed.. people keep telling me I can keep my lesbian identity and still like men but like I feel like that’s dishonest and not really true?

I don’t like men normally but I love my partner, Both romantically and platonically I love them.

I guess I just feel sorta lost and I don’t know what to do now.. my community is basically gone now since I was apart of lesbian spaces.

Any tips or words of wisdom? Because I totally thought I was 100% lesbian.

Thank you for the sorta question! I understand how this feels conflicting for you.

Your fight for lesbianism is not in vain at all. You advocated for lesbians and I salute to you for that, and in the process, connected deeply with your sapphicism. This is a very special self discovery journey for you to embark on, regardless of the outcome. Remind yourself that. Bisexuality is no less queer nor is it any less sapphic than lesbianism. Your coming out journey is perfectly yours, everything that lead you to where you are today.

Yup, you’re correct, those ppl are being dishonest. There is no such thing as a “one exception” to lesbianism, because that exception is still a part of your sexuality. I am not accusing you of this at all, but just for the sake of saying it: it’s in fact bisexual erasure to think that one can be “lesbian but has one exception” or “lesbian who likes binary trans men but hey at least they’re not cis men”- there are many selenics (a term specifically for bi women/bi sapphics) who like many women and many nonbinary folks, and only one or two men, so bisexuality applies to this.

Believe it or not, feeling lost is a staple queer experience- not even just queer folks, but humans in general lmao. A sense of community will fall in place for you one day. But for now, feeling lost is okay. That sucks but is part of life.

Anyone’s partner changing- whether they got a new job, a new interest, a new friend group, came out as trans, and even new room decor lol can always be hard. Change is hard. Your romantic partner changing is extra hard as romantic bonds are usually more involved than platonic bonds. Jackie Shane’s partner broke up with her after she came out as trans, as he was a gay man and was no longer could see her romantically and sexually, although he did always care about her. On the other hand, Molly Ostertag is a lesbian, and her partner, ND Stevenson came out as transmasc, and not only did the couple stay together, but Molly still considers herself a lesbian. I suppose that’s because ND Stevenson is a “guywife and wife guy” and a nonbinary transmasc lesbian, and not a binary trans man. Then again, I am not the expert on this topic. I am indeed a bi expert :3 but not a trans expert.

There’s many ways this could play out. You could refer to yourself as unspecified sapphic until you feel right with where everything is at. I don’t know if your partner is a transmasc ftm sapphic and despite coming out as trans, still meshes with lesbianism- or if your partner is a ftm binary trans man, and your partner very well could be your bisexual awakening. But your closeness and love for the lesbian community, and your very true and real sapphicness, still remains.

All I can say is time will tell. I think you can find a lot of solace in the sapphic umbrella term (if you don’t already know, sapphic is the blanket/umbrella term for lesbians AND bi women; all wlw + nblw) and flag in the meantime while you grow accustomed to all of this. And be patient with yourself. And if you discover you are indeed bisexual, join the club- we have lemon bars and warm hugs. Okay, jokes aside: bisexuality is glorious. I really got lucky lmao, it is a part of me I deeply love. Being attracted to others regardless of gender is a gift.

Being bi is not half gay and half straight. You’re not 50% gay and 50% straight. You are 100% gay AND 100% straight- you are 200% of a person! 🤩 That’s an illogical way to look at it, I know- it’s more, you’re not gay or straight at all, but you 100% bisexual. But the “200% one person” is a little visual I like to make to deeply get across the point that bisexuals are very bit as queer as gays/lesbians are and just have attraction in more directions.

And hey, I think it’s awesome that you fought hard for lesbianism and against society and your family. One of my absolutely belovedest mutual and special friend of mine thought she was a lesbian well before she realized she’s bisexual. There’s nothing to feel negative about. We all have our own routes to self discovery.

[lesbianismstrength]

“Listening to the terms most popular among students at this celebration — identities including queer, gay, bi, trans, or ally — I realized they were all either gender-neutral or male-inclusive. These terms embraced masculine possibilities, or relationships with men, in ways that lesbian of course did not. ‘Lesbian’ was the one identity that suggested an orientation toward women alone. The L identity thus stood out as separatist, even to students who were personally unfamiliar with the complex lesbian separatist movement of the 1970s and ’80s.

Put differently, to be L was to ignore men, which easily translated into hating men, the worst possible media image for a female activist or for a progressive looking to build alliances with other threatened minorities. While Georgetown students are both image conscious and media savvy, this backing away from the L word isn’t just happening at Georgetown’s LGBT Center. Because lesbian now seems rigid in its exclusion of males (and/or transwomen), hence oppressive, the L has been remaindered in the bin of LGBT visibility.”

– Bonnie J. Morris, The Disappearing L: Erasure of Lesbian Spaces and Culture (2016)

[redheadbigshoes]

Can we talk about bi people throwing a fit whenever we complain about heteros, for a second?

No because, I was on this Discord server complaining about an annoying hetero couple sitting next to me at the movie theater, chatting, kissing and making out loudly during the movie and these bi people came in and were like “How did you know they were heteros?” and I was like “A man and a woman, all over each other during the entirety of the screening” and they were like “You might be projecting, they might be bi, don’t assume they’re het, it’s hurtful!’’

… Okay, they might not be het, and?? They’re still a het couple. Just because one or both might not be hetero doesn’t make the relationship any less hetero?? I’m tired of this mentality. This is the kind of thinking that leads to people saying stuff like “hetero couples can sometimes be more progressive than gay couples” or that a man and a woman can have « gay » sex with each other. No. If you’re cis in a relationship with another cis person of a different gender, your relationship is hetero and just as privileged as any other cis-hetero relationship. I feel like people like that simply want to be seen as progressive while still being in het relationships and don’t want to acknowledge that their relationship is privileged, so they’ll do some mental gymnastics to convince themselves that they are just because they’re not het and act like it’s oppression when others assume that they are actually hetero. « It invisibilizes us because people assume we’re het when we’re in het relationships or gay when we’re in a gay one » Like… Is it really that big of a problem when Lesbians and Gay Men can’t kiss or hold hands with their partners without getting stares or sometimes assaulted (or worse)? Like idk, if you’re that bothered by people not knowing you’re bi, just have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time, that way you can have a truly bisexual relationship. But leave us alone and let us complain about het couples and their need to take space and make their relationship everybody else’s problem. And yes, when I say « het », that very much includes cis men and women in hetero relationships. This relationship that you chose to be in is not progressive and certainly not more than a gay relationship. Deal with it.

And besides, this happened during a screening of WICKED. The only kissing I should have heard should have been between Elphaba and Glinda, not two bratty hetties who seemed offended when I shushed them after an hour and a half.

I feel like many people mistake hetero relationships with heterosexual people.

Though I understand bisexuals frustration with the erasure of their sexuality whenever we talk about a m/f couple and people refer to them as straight or hetero, it lacks a term to refer specifically about m/f couples like sapphic and achillean or wlw and mlm. If there is a term I am sure it’s pretty unknown.

From what you described you were clearly talking about a m/f couple, not assuming their sexuality. I feel like the feelings of the person who got mad with you are valid, but their point was wrong because you weren’t assuming anything, you weren’t saying they were both straight.

If they truly are annoyed with people describing m/f relationships as straight or hetero, idk why til this day they haven’t tried to popularize an umbrella term that can describe that without erasing the couple’s sexuality.

Not to mention I think a lot of this frustration (obviously it also comes from bi erasure) also comes from so many people not wanting to recognize the privilege of being in a straight-passing relationship. Recognizing this doesn’t make you any less part of the community, if you automatically think this whenever the topic is talking about these privileges, then it’s your responsibility to work on your internalized biphobia.

Idk if it was the case of this person you’re complaining about, but a lot of people in the community love criticizing and hating on others without ever actually trying to change anything. Okay, you’re annoyed with bi erasure and people calling m/f relationships “straight” or “hetero”, but what do you propose people should call them instead? They fought about this when the topic was calling sapphic relationships “lesbian”, but no one seems eager to come with a solution when it comes to m/f couples…

Here in Brazil terms like sapphic and achillean are not as popular as they are in english centered spaces (though they absolutely exist), but usually when we want to talk about a wlw/mlm relationship we use the term “homo-afetivo” (it would literally translate to “homoaffective”), which means a relationship between people of the same gender. When we want to talk about a m/f couple, we use “hetero-afetivo” which translates to “heteroaffective”) which means a relationship between people of opposite genders. This is way more simplified imo

[sapphicscience]

I also came up on tumblr in 2014 era and had a similar experience except opposite bc at the time (and for 5ish years after) I was identifying as a lesbian, but am now out as bi. Definitely spent a lot of time stuck in tumblr echo chambers thinking bi & other queer women were my oppressors too lol. When I realized I wasn't a lesbian there’d lowkey been a lot of damage done and I was scared that I’d be judged really harshly if I “gave up” the label because I knew the kinds of biphobia and erasure I’d seen and sometimes contributed to in online lesbian spaces- & I know that goes both ways with lesbophobia in bi spaces. Really such a mess lol

Like. Addressing the ways that our experiences differ and the different forms of oppression that people of different queer identities face is a good conversation to have! But without the war mentality. With an intellectual woman-loving hand-holding mentality imo

truly!! agree completely. I'm sorry you were also damaged by those online spaces, it suuuucked.

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

lesbian is a specific identity with its own culture and treating it like an umbrella term is suggesting that bi people who advocated for their own spaces and recognition wasted their time, because sexuality used to be something you did and not something you are. nowadays, it's something you are. that's why so many people who would be considered bi nowadays used to be called lesbians in the past. you can't act like calling a relationship between two bi women (or a bi woman and a lesbian) a "lesbian relationship" is erasure, then turn around and say you can refer to bi women as lesbians in a collective group. it doesn't work like that. the word you're looking for is sapphic

[calkale]

I feel you, the "gay website" thing is making people think that the only ones that are allowed to like girls are lesbians, like "this is the gay space so no straights/bis are allowed"

fr like what is me, a man, interacting with your post about women gonna do?? All the straight hate is just creating more bi erasure and it sucks ass. Ik men do this too in mlm posts but its so much more prominent with wlw posts

[eri-lessthan3]

Thanks for talking about queer erasure and then immediately performing bi-erasure by saying lesbians can be bisexual even though they're only attracted to women. I fucking hate you people. I've always been too straight for the gays and too gay for the straights, and now dickheads like you are invalidating all of us and taking away our own fucking identifying terms. You're taking away the ability to identify ourselves because you intentionally mess with the definition. The amount of times in recent memory that I've been thought of as a lesbian (because of this shit, outside of the usual amount) is too goddamned high.

Fuck you biphobic trash heaps. Wouldn't like it if I watered down other identifying terms, would you? I'm going to tell everyone that cishet men can be lesbians, and I will encourage them to take over lesbian spaces. I will encourage cis people to take over trans spaces. We allowed non-bisexuals to take over bisexual spaces, and I'm done with all of you as a result. I dealt with it when colonizers invaded my country, but this shit? Taking away my community and letting you colonize it? I'm done. Congratulations. You've won. Fuck you and fuck the lg'b't+ 'community'

What a fucking joke

you know, if you are so passionate about this then you could have at least sent this to the person that actually made the post, and not just some rando that reblogged it? (unless you have no life to the point of sending it to everyone involved)

Also this site once again proves that it has piss poor reading comprehension. How the fuck did you go from "Bisexual women can also call themselves lesbians; Lesbian ™ includes bi people; labels are tools, ones we should use for connection not division." to "lesbians can be bisexual even though they're only attracted to women".

Seriously the original post (not even from me!) was:

"How come bisexual men get to call themselves gay or bisexual interchangeably, but if bisexual woman calls herself a lesbian, she gets her whole upper body bitten off cartoonishly."

Also I would recommend grabbing yourself some nice tea to calm down and re-think all of this.

[brinconvenient]

(tags from @blueandoblivious reading #ooo #idk what this is but uh #hhh beneath a piece of a screen grab from the film and the title and yearof the movie, Bound (1996))

This is "Bound" from 1996, starring Gina Gershon (heart-eyes sighing) and Jennifer Tilly (heart-eyes sighing) with Joey Pantoliono (with hair), written and directed by the Wachowski Sisters. It was their debut film, I believe, and they began working on The Matrix right after.

It is a film with significant noir, mafia, and heist elements and SO MUCH SAPPHIC LONGING AND SEDUCTION.

It is the platonic ideal of that "#not to be a lesbian" was created to describe. In the 90s and early-to-mid-00s, it was an essential part of queer woman canon, along with The L Word, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, Fried Green Tomatoes (the book is much more explicitly gay than the movie, I'm given to understand) , Thelma & Louise (straight women also went feral for this one and it's not explicitly gay, but every queer woman I knew then was watching this on repeat). It still should be.

Watch this movie. Just do yourself the biggest favor and watch it. Word of warning, there is some explicit visceral violence, as was definitely the custom in mafia media at the time, but it's usually well-telegraphed so you can turn away if it's not something you can or want to tolerate.

Non-spoilered personal history with the movie below the cut if you're interested. Otherwise, thanks for indulging my gushing and recommendation!

I remember seeing this when it came to home video. The woman who would eventually become my ex-wife showed it to me because she loved it, despite being her most emphatically straight woman I know.

Friend, this movie fucked me up. It's so incredibly personal and shot so gorgeously viscerally and it's so tightly scripted that it's just objectively good, but it's also so fucking steamy and the leads are gorgeous and powerful and lusty and perfectly balanced opposite each other... the push and the pull between them is palpable.

And it resonated with me on a deep and emotional level... I was 18 or 19 when I saw it and deeply in denial and ignorance of myself.

"Here I am, a young straight man (ha! I'm now none of those things) watching a movie about a lesbian seduction and affair (I'm much better about bi-erasure in my thoughts today) and feeling all of these confusing and mixed-up feelings about their connection, their lovemaking, their power dynamic, the butch-femme dynamic and inversions of assumptions ... that's not normal. Why do I feel the desire to be a part of something like that? That's so messed up. I must be one of those awful guys who only sees lesbian relationships as some kind of girl-on-girl fetish thing! I shouldn't be watching this, it wasn't made for me, I'm an intruder here! Who made this? I'm not going to but I feel like I should apologize to her for watching this and having feelings like this! Wait... two dudes made this (well, actually, no, but we wouldn't find that out for over a decade)? Oh no... are they fetishizers too and I'm also contributing to that? This feels so wrong (actually, it really felt right and that was A Problem). I hope my girlfriend doesn't find out that I did not have a Normal Response to this..."

I think the Wachowskis did get some flak for being appropriative or inappropriate or taking up space where they not only weren't wanted, but didn't belong at the time, but I don't have any direct contemporaneous memory of that. However, again, every queer woman I knew at the time was fucking feral about this movie, even if it was made by two guys (it wasn't - also the Wachowskis weren't the only queer women involved in the production, so the verisimmilitude was explainable at the time).

I didn't realize that The Matrix was made by the same creators at first, but I remember thinking how odd it was that these two guys (ahem) made this super lesbian film and also made this super straight guy action movie (Hahaha! Oh, Brin! You're so silly and naive!)

Anyway, the passage of time has clarified A LOT of things for me about this film, the production of it and my response to it.

I was lucky enough to see it earlier this year in a theater evening at the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago with a bunch of other queer and kinky folks and it was such a wonderful way to experience a wonderful film. It's going to be 20 years old next year, and it holds up incredibly well, and I was not the least but confused about my feelings this time, I tell you!

Watch the movie.

Bound (1996)

[linda-athanasiadou-lgbt]

What It Means to Be a Bisexual Woman in Today’s World

By Linda Athanasiadou

Being a bisexual woman in today’s world means navigating a complex intersection of identity, visibility, and societal expectations. It is a journey marked by both progress and persistent challenges, as bisexual women continue to challenge stereotypes, foster understanding, and embrace the fluidity of their sexuality. As a bisexual woman myself, I’ve seen firsthand how these dynamics unfold in personal, professional, and social spheres.

Breaking Down Stereotypes

Bisexual women face a unique set of stereotypes that often invalidate their experiences. Common misconceptions portray bisexuality as a “phase” or a form of experimentation, particularly when tied to societal pressures of heteronormativity. These myths are not only dismissive but also harmful, as they undermine the legitimacy of bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation.

Moreover, bisexual women are often hypersexualized in media and popular culture, depicted as individuals seeking attention or incapable of monogamy. This objectification feeds into a broader culture of misunderstanding, where bisexuality is viewed through a lens of fetishization rather than authenticity. Combating these stereotypes requires education, representation, and vocal advocacy to affirm the diverse and complex realities of bisexual women.

Navigating Visibility

One of the greatest challenges bisexual women face is the question of visibility. Unlike gay or lesbian individuals, whose relationships may outwardly signal their orientation, bisexual women often face erasure when their relationships appear heteronormative. A bisexual woman in a relationship with a man, for instance, may be assumed to be straight, while a relationship with a woman might lead to assumptions of homosexuality.

This phenomenon, known as bi-erasure, reinforces feelings of invisibility and isolation. A 2022 study by the Pew Research Center found that 61% of bisexual women feel their identity is misunderstood or overlooked by both straight and LGBTQ+ communities. This dual marginalization highlights the need for spaces where bisexual voices are amplified and celebrated.

The Intersection of Identity

For many bisexual women, their identity intersects with other aspects of who they are, such as race, ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic background. These intersections can influence how they experience their sexuality and the challenges they face. For example, bisexual women of color often navigate compounded discrimination due to both their sexual orientation and racial identity. Recognizing these intersections is crucial to fostering an inclusive and supportive environment for all bisexual women.

The Role of Representation

Representation matters profoundly in shaping perceptions and validating experiences. Over the past decade, there has been a noticeable increase in media portrayals of bisexual women. Characters like Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Callie Torres from Grey’s Anatomy have provided nuanced and authentic depictions of bisexuality. These portrayals challenge stereotypes and offer visibility to bisexual women who may have felt unseen in mainstream narratives.

However, representation must extend beyond fictional characters. Public figures who openly identify as bisexual, such as Megan Rapinoe and Stephanie Beatriz, play a crucial role in normalizing bisexuality and breaking down stigma. Their visibility sends a powerful message: bisexual women are not alone, and their identities are valid.

Challenges and Triumphs

Despite significant progress, bisexual women still face disparities in mental health and social acceptance. Studies show that bisexual individuals report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation compared to their gay, lesbian, or heterosexual peers. This mental health disparity is often linked to the unique stigma and invalidation bisexual people experience.

Yet, there is strength and resilience within the bisexual community. Grassroots organizations, support groups, and advocacy initiatives are creating safe spaces for bisexual women to connect, share their stories, and advocate for change. The rise of platforms like Bi+ Pride events and social media communities has also fostered greater visibility and solidarity.

Embracing Fluidity

At its core, being a bisexual woman is about embracing the fluidity of attraction and rejecting societal expectations of binary thinking. It’s about honoring the complexity of human connections and finding empowerment in authenticity. For many bisexual women, this journey involves unlearning internalized stigma and reclaiming their narratives.

As society continues to evolve, bisexual women are at the forefront of challenging norms and fostering inclusivity. By sharing their stories and advocating for visibility, they are reshaping perceptions and building a world where all identities are celebrated.

For further insights into the challenges and triumphs of bisexual women, I invite you to read my article, “Bisexual Erasure in History: Stories That Were Never Told.” Together, we can amplify bisexual voices and ensure their place in the broader conversation about identity and equality.

[redheadbigshoes]

Heyyyy! I want your thoughts on lesbian solidarity and why other non-lesbian queer woman/nbs are so against lesbians being united?

My friend and I were talking about it the other day and it was just a dead end conversation…. (She’s a non-lesbian queer woman and I want to try to explain to her why lesbians NEED lesbian ONLY places that do exclude non-lesbian queer people)

Kind like how straight and bi woman need lesbians to make woman centered spaces but then hate us lesbians bc they can’t have access to the lesbian community’s and cultures bc of their attraction to the opposite gender that also gives them a lot of privilege. (Of course I am not saying all straight and bi woman have this attitude, I know a lot of bi and straight woman who are strong ally’s to lesbians and who would stomp a bitch who’d try to hurt a lesbian or impose themselves into lesbian spaces)

Idk completely where I am going with this but my friend just doesn’t understand, I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt and try to explain everything to her again. Idk what are your thoughts on all of this? You always speak facts!!! (Sorry if this is a little jumbled I haven’t been able to put my full thoughts into tangible words yet) ❤️

Hii

I believe a lot of non-lesbians don’t like lesbians having own our spaces for more than one reason. I think it’s a mix of lesbophobia + bi erasure because on one side they absolutely hate whenever lesbians bring up the fact we’re not attracted to men (and they don’t like recognizing that aspect of our identity is just as important as or attraction to women/nb people), and bi erasure because of how lesbian has been used as an umbrella term for all sapphics so they immediately think we’re being mean by excluding non-lesbian sapphics because in their mind we’re excluding them from a space that is theirs.

I think you have to see if said friend of yours is actually open to listen to you because if she is if I were you I would explain to her more about how not being attracted to men has a huge impact on what we are and all the struggles that come with it.