#and the dialogue is so stilted and obvious

[finitevoid]

Ultimately what drives me insane about kh3 is that nobody engages with it on a meta level . and this makes me feel crazy, like I’m imagining it or I’m reading too much into things but it really colors and affects how I engage with the entire game as a piece of art. kh3 is a video game. kingdom hearts is a video game. And I will bet you actual, real life money that kingdom hearts is, in-universe, a video game. if verum rex is a video game in the realm of light— if yozora knows sora’s name, seems surprised that he’d use it, and then blatantly doubts his identity as “sora”— then I will bet real life actual money that in quadratum, kingdom hearts is a video game .

kh3 is a video game . Can anyone hear me?

why do the characters talk like that? It’s a video game. why do the characters always lose without sora there? the narrative demands they lose without sora there. why can literally nobody see that they’re hurting sora’s feelings when he’s being super obvious about his hurt feelings? the narrative demands them not see it, but the genre requires sora to project his emotions in such a way that the audience gets it. gigantic twist in a secret ending . fucking time travel. Kingdom hearts is a goddamn cartoon. A poorly plotted out anime . and kh3 leans into this. Palpably leans into this.

It feels less genuine, everyone says this. It feels forced. The disney charm is too obvious. the anime training arc is too deliberate. the separation of sora from the meaningful plot too frustrating .

kh is not unaware of its flaws. In fact it frequently goes out of its way to address whatever the biggest gripe with the latest game is, in whatever the newest installment is. And you can critique it for that, it’s insecurity in itself is absolutely something I’ll completely concede to lol BUT, my point is that it’s not unaware

So why then does kh3 palpably lean into the series’ criticisms? convoluted plot, stilted dialogue, sora being “stupid”, shoving the entire endgame into a 2 hr bossrush. Why does it do that? kh3 is about questioning Sora is a protagonist. It’s about Sora questioning Sora as a protagonist. sora seems to be aware, on some instinctive level, that he is the protagonist . He’s the one who saved the world, brought riku back from the brink. He seems to question why he is this way, when he only has the keyblade due to contrivance . “Without them I’m worthless.” so if it’s about questioning sora, why do we not also question it in and of itself?

Even if kh is not an in-universe video game and im insane, this interpretation still stands. because the point I’m trying to make is that kh3 is building itself up as cartoonish and unreal, relying heavily on contrivance and nonsense exposition, in order to draw a parallel to quadratum. if quadratum is a more grounded world, with people and cars and normal infrastructure! then what do you do except juxtapose it against if not the cartoonish and charming realm of light??

everything in kingdom hearts is thematic!! the setting is ALWAYS thematic!! the realm of light is cartoonish because the games that took place there were dreamlike, elevated, and for kids. quadratum is more grounded, more serious, though it maintains some of that elevated-feeling; it’s just more intense, because of that groundedness. if that’s what the setting is like, what does that tell you about what kh is setting up for its future installments thematically?

kingdom hearts wants to grow up. kh3 is the growing pains. Can anybody hear me

[keeps-ache]

annoyed with myself cuz there was this thing i wrote in one night and never looked at again after cleaning it up a bit the morning after because i didn't want to register what i wrote Because i thought it was really badly done, excepting a tiny part in the middle. and then last night i opened up the doc again And It Was All Lies

[leighsartworks216]

With Him

Sylus x gn!Reader

The author's very obvious desire to nap with these guys at any given opportunity-

Warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, blood, injury, exhaustion, cuddling, literal sleeping together, comfort, no dialogue

Word Count: 763

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Sylus rolls his shoulders and neck with a sigh. It echoes slightly in the elevator, mirrored ceiling reflecting his exhausted face as he looks up. He glowers as he wipes away a stripe of blood from his cheek. Not his own. No, his Evol wiped itself out dealing with his own injuries. Now he's running on empty. His body aches more than it usually does, muscles groaning with every motion, patience left on a razor-thin wire with the headache pounding at his temples.

The elevator doors slide open quietly. He trudges out into the penthouse. Kicks off his shoes without a care for where they land. Shrugs off his jacket and tosses it onto a hook, tsking at the new tears and stains in the leather.

The entire building is rigged up with elaborate security; even a fly can't get in without him knowing about it. But as he walks further inside, he still glances around, like anybody could be waiting around any corner. Enemies aren't the only thing he has an eye out for, though.

The signs of you are everywhere: Dishes in the sink from dinner, your shoes lined up by the door, blankets and pillows moved in the living room, the lingering fragrance of you in the air.

He slowly cracks open the bedroom door. Light creeps out from behind him, reaching out across the floor. It illuminates the couch, and the book and handheld gaming system left on its cushions. Just past it, he can see the bed, and the impression of his beloved tucked under its covers.

His shoulders sag. He can finally recognize this place as being safe and secure now that he can see you. He almost groans in his overwhelming desire to just crawl in beside you, wrap you up tight in his arms and bury his face in your neck, breathing you in deep. But he's gross; bloody, dirty, smelly. You deserve better than that.

So, he creeps in slowly, carefully, doing his best not to wake you up as he gathers fresh clothes. Soft clothes. They're not designer, or even luxurious; you picked them out for him when he took you shopping, after you dragged him into a retail store. He'd raised a brow at you and said you could go to any high end store you wanted, but you'd wanted to go there. You were beaming when you found clothes for him, "normal" clothes, you'd said. And right now, he longs to feel normal.

He slips into the bathroom. Condensation still beads up on the shower door and tile walls. When he runs the hot water, a fresh wave of your shampoo and body wash comes wafting up through the air with the steam. The heat is heaven on his muscles. He makes a low sound in his throat as he just stands there, letting the water spray down on his hair and back, until he finally reaches for his shampoo.

He towels himself off with stilted movements. His arms are tired. He only bothers to half-dry his hair, just until it's left lightly damp, sticking up all over. He checks himself over in the mirror, looking for any remaining marks or injuries he missed. There's a few scars that haven't fully faded; nothing worth pulling out the kit for. He leans against the counter as he brushes his teeth, allowing his eyes to close while he does.

He turns off the bathroom light before he opens the door. The bedroom is completely dark. It takes his eyes a moment to adjust. You've barely shifted since he last saw you. An overwhelming wave of relief coasts over him as he's finally able to join you.

He pulls the blankets down on his side, crawls in and immediately travels past the middle to your side. His hands glide over your body as he wraps you up in his arms, sliding under your shirt and up your back, pulling you in close. He drops his head into the crook of your shoulder, nuzzling shamelessly against you. You don't wake up, but you do slip your arms loosely around his shoulders, tangling your fingers into his damp hair. It's all second nature, so ingrained into you to hold your partner.

You breathe right beside his ear. He hears it all: the soft sigh as you relax into his embrace, the steady inhale and exhale, the rasp of a snore - a reminder that you are alive, that you are safe, and that no matter how awful the world outside can be, you are here, with him.

---

Tag List (I'll update it soon I promise):

@the-golden-jhope @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko @deusfoundry @that-lost-one @always-just-red @22carolina08 @lunaizhere @sine-nomine0 @beautifulthingsiadore @lalaluch @nothankyew @terriblesoup @jeleryyy @nezuswritingdesk @anaathxma @ssushi @mina7820 @monophobix @mentaltrouble2201 @mskaylacharite @nerrivm @ichosesparklingtorment @schnittled @animegamerfox @flamedancer13 @rebloggingislove @moonlight-inthe-sea @persepolys @satorubabee @sleepykittycx @perla-drg @17chuuya @slovesyouuu @leiakitty @lemonn015

[autumnbrambleagain]

Favourite caves of qud mods? I wanna dive in and fully mod my game

I don't have the energy to turn these into hyperlinks so you have to do the work of typing these names into the workshop and finding them, I apologize that I am not apologizing.

Hearthpyre and the Clever Girl Fork are obvious necessities. Starapple Valley and Regrowing Plants and Qud Fishing is on that list too for being able to make your own imprint on the world. With how the uh, story's themes go, I am even more feeling validated in my decision to spend most of the game building bases and farming and stuff.

Dynamic Background Color because I don't even remember what the game looks like without it anymore. I think I use the More Dots mod too.

Allography lets you add descriptions to things, including yourself, which is great.

1 Percent Loot Drops adds a ton of neat, very balanced items.

Cleaning Robots lets you have robots that clean fluids and I honestly just wish one in on EVERY settlement so they don't become giant messes after one visit. Indispensable mod.

Choose Your Fighter is good if you aren't a lunatic like me who just makes your own phenotypes and sprites and pets and dialogue for every character you play.

Jademouth is what I would argue to be the best, most diegetically natural town mod in the game. It adds very little to the world outside of itself, and adds a very much needed mid-game town with a fun quest and good characters. None of the writing feels out of place, it doesn't add encounters all over the map, it keeps to its own lane and does an great job of it.

Cryptogeology is an incredibly good quest which helps guide you to each town in the game naturally, has a ton of flavor, and a really decent reward. It feels like a natural part of the game.

Tealeaves adds a much-needed merchant to the Six Day Stilt who is also very well written and lets you get a chance at Newly Sentient Beings rep.

Issachari Evolved adds much needed variety to that faction.

Nightmare Treats gives you a lot more ways to reroll mutations, AND ways to gain mental stats. Eat them. It's safe. Nothing bad will happen.

Wired Child is a fun mid-late stage quest in Ezra that gets you a VERY nice weapon if you can manage it.

Return of the Arcwyrk. You need more enemies in your life. zzzap.

Knife Fights at Eddy's is mandatory, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

A Specter is Haunting Qud adds some VERY nasty enemies and you deserve to be killed by them. Things should be scarier. Get scared. Basically Templar Hologram Wraith Knights but they're Eater ghosts. Fucked up! I won't tell you how to beat them figure it out yourself.

Village Finder because I hate the "go to each parasang and press + and then -" when looking for villages. Am I that dumb my character can't notice villages when walking through them.

Folk Scrap and Mundanity. Mandatory. Very flavorful.

Baboons of Babel adds much needed variety to baboon faction.

Judicators of Qud add a fun neat challenging robot who is kind of like if a leering stalker and a feral lah had a baby that wasn't the sum of its parts but something all its own.

Disjecta Membra's lore feels a little out of sync with 1.0, and it makes the game a giant mess. So basically, enemies can be infected, and when they die things get Interesting. It can cause huge problems and it's a fucking mess. It can make Call to Arms an unworkable disaster and Templar historical sites become unmanageable. I love it. I cannot play without it. It makes the game so much more challenging and stressful, especially in the early/midgame. The writing is fucking incredible even if its flavor doesn't line up exactly right anymore. Do not do this on your first playthrough but after your first playthrough install this and suffer with me forever. This might be my favorite new-content mod tbh.

Your Own Personal Relics is a neat adjustment to the Item Naming system which honestly I just wish-name things when I mod them to max anyway but it's neat.

Feline's Furnishings are good tiles.

Fluid Storage is great and the Klein Bottles are fantastic and putting 500 drams in their weightless moebius will never go wrong for you ever.

I think that should do you with the unimax's share of the mods I use!

Sidenote, Eule does a lot of mods that are Very Cool but also last time I used them they had a problem of all of them would spawn things in the jungle, so with all of them active every jungle screen would have like, their populations taken over by all the Argent Somethingorother and the Unseen Adversaries and the Arboreta Guys. None of them work with 1.0 anyway I don't think, and the mods ARE very high quality! But their spawn rates were extremely overpowering to the point where the jungle was basically just entirely made of those 3 factions and it was a Bit Much.

I'm also about to try out the Labyrinthine Trail and Xeototin Mechanical Somethingorother for the first time but I haven't done them yet so i have no comment.

Also Facial Equipment Diversity is neat too.

[secondhandsorrows]

3 Quick Tips on Writing Dialogue

Okay… so one of the biggest writing hurdles I often face is writing dialogue. Good dialogue. I know such a statement can be pretty subjective, but there’s something to dialogue that demands attention. There’s things involved like subtext, purpose, characterization, and sense of realism. On the other hand, there’s also character voice, expression, body language, and dialogue tags (sparingly, if you can)… all of which can be important, too. Sometimes it’s tricky for me to get a handle on writing dialogue that sounds natural, less stilted, and more as though the characters are real and conversing like we humans would (not to say dialogue should include unnecessary filler-words and repetitions we tend to overuse in our day-to-day conversations). 

Today, I’m going to share three quick tips I’ve accumulated from research and from my own experiences in creative fiction workshops on improving your dialogue. 

1. Avoid needless filler-words and phrases.

Let’s just get this one out of the way. I know this was already mentioned a few sentences ago, but it needs to be further cemented. This is the kind of fluff that we use in day-to-day chatter, like misused grammar, useless small talk, and talking in circles that, more often than not, comes across as boring and trivial. We may think this is a good way to create realistic dialogue, but alas, there is such thing as too-realistic dialogue. Focus instead on crafting dialogue that sounds as natural as possible. At least, try to get rid of the fluff, or use it with caution, as it may bog down your pacing and slow down your readers. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t utilize some small talk, repetitions, filler words, or speech patterns like stammering. Rules are sometimes meant to be bent, just a little. It can be used to create distinctions between unique character voices, lighten the mood, express an emotion that is being felt, if you know where to put them. Dialogue can — and should — be personalized to each character. 

This brings me to the next point:

2. Refrain from revealing too much information at once. 

Not only is this considered info-dumping, but giving away a ton of detail in a piece of dialogue can come across as stiff and out-of-place.  Though it may seem convenient to utilize dialogue as a way to pass information to the reader without getting all repetitive or boring within the narrative, it tends to break away from what the character (or a real person) might actually say. Especially when it’s given to a character that has no reason or incentive to recite drawn-out exposition to give the reader some background. This can be attributed to being uncharacteristic. 

Try tweaking it as to fit your character’s voice: their mood, how they communicate their values, which aspects they find more important to discuss, which topics they actively avoid or tend to overlook. Also keep in mind who they’re speaking to, and whether or not they need to hear the information, as well. 

3. Think about what is being left un-said.

Now, I’ve mentioned subtext quite a bit, already. Subtext, as the definition goes from Literaryterms.net, is “the unspoken or less obvious meaning or message in a literary composition, drama, speech, or conversation.” Knowing this, we can implicitly communicate to the reader covertly a truer meaning or mood within a conversation or interaction between characters: that a character is smiling through a grimace trying to look as if he’s enjoying what his friend had cooked for him when in reality he’s forcing it to spare their feelings. Or, when a woman says “she’s fine” when actually she’s not fine (real). Her answer is forced, her tone clipped, her arms are firmly crossed and she’s angling herself away. How about when a character is pining for another? They might stammer over their words and are prone to blushing whenever they’re around. 

There’s a lot of different ways you can go about using subtext. I probably could’ve added a lot more, but all I want to say for now is that the beauty of subtext allows to stir interest and to further character examination, especially in dialogue. There is more that can be said, but the characters may choose not to. It could also be used to hint at the reader, to foreshadow, facilitate themes, make contradictions, to build tension and emotion… there’s internal conflict that can be explored here. Let your characters tell their own stories in their own, unique ways.  

That’s all, for now. Hope this helped!

[dw-flagler]

so i finished a second session of playing chained echoes.

Couple things: man this game is not as easy as it seemed to be at first glance! Or maybe I just suck ass. I mean, the vast majority of my build is making sienna and lenne into glass cannons and then having everyone else be pure support. So when the party splits after the second real boss fight the resulting mismatched teams were complete disasters. special attention to the victor/rob/kylian trio working together in the mines, a team comprised of two tanks and support: none of these characters do, like, any damage whatsoever. and then the other two groups had literally no healing so I went through like 30 snacks.

I've been enjoying the story so far, it's got this thing that I really enjoy in the more sprawling RPGs, where The Main Character isn't super obvious. I will say, i'm pretty sure this was written by someone who doesn't have a great grasp on the english language, since a lot of the dialogue feels stilted and machine-translated.

I really am feeling how obviously intended this was for mobile play though. It really has the vibes of a game you pull out on the steam deck to play for an hour a pop while you're waiting for something. Playing it on my desktop feels like a violation.

[acapelladitty]

Whats your most favorite character to write and why!!! Please and thank you :)

Honestly? My favourite character to write can depend on my personal mood at the time! Sometimes I prefer a goofier, lighter toned character and other times I much prefer someone with gravitas or a very distinct speech pattern that I can get my teeth into. Favourites include:

Jonathan Crane. Old faithful. He's probably my GOAT. My all-timer. I love his stilted speech and how easily he slips between cold professionalism and targeted cruelty, all the while maintaining some control over his words.

Pamela Isley. There's something so much fun in writing Ivy and I'm sad that I don't do it more often. Her haughtiness and refusal to allow people to speak down to her is thrilling.

Karl Heisenberg. He's rough and ready with that odd stilt to his speech which makes it really fun to write dialogue for. Plus he has big tits. Always a winner.

Cooper Howard/The Ghoul. A new entry to the list! I adore writing for his accent and I love his filthy mouth. Writing swearing and insults is always a joy and he allows me to develop that in his specific voice.

These were the first four to spring to mind but I also love characters like Riddler (an obvious choice but he's similar to Crane) and Catwoman etc are a joy to write. Even folks like Ras Al Ghul who I write sparingly has a really FUN vocal cadence that I love to play with xx

[gil-estel]

reasons why "ahsoka" would be better as an animated show

- better acting

- better writing

- seriously. I think the stilted dialogue would work a lot better in the context of a 25 minute episode performed by experienced voice actors who could actually make spoken exposition sound INTERESTING and ENGAGING

- more humor

- more chopper

- sabine could have her jetpack and her helmet back

- you'd actually be able to see what happens

- forreal just think about what it would be like if this show had the production quality and amazing lighting of the bad batch

- I'm sorry the volume just looks so obvious and artificial in this show

- WE'D ACTUALLY GET TO SEE ZEB

[seriousfic]

This one was a big disappointment. It's advertised as an action-comedy paying tribute to kung-fu movies... two problems with that.

It's not funny. The comedy is very firmly in the "Unattractive Women Yammering" subgenre. Sample dialogue:

"Push the button!"

"I am pushing the button!"

"Did you push the button?"

"I'm pushing it!"

"You'd better push the button!"

"I did push it!"

[repeat x50, all screeching, because LOUD = FUNNY!]

They don't go all out with the fake swearing (I call it "Shitballs" swearing, for writing where characters even have to be quirky when cursing) and they don't do that, but you can tell they're thinking Shitballs.

2. There are barely any fight scenes and they're all done with exceedingly unimpressive choreography. It is very obvious that no one here is a martial artist, they're just character actors (usually old ones) doing stilted, simple moves, with slow-motion doing the heavy lifting of trying to make it look impressive. Your average episode of Alias easily clears all this 'action.' This is the age of John Wick and when your chief selling point is the fights, you really have to do better than this.

Also, I don't know if this is a female thing or a zoomer thing, but it's oddly a paean to immaturity?

There've always been these fratboy comedies, like Wedding Crashers or Shaun of the Dead, where the audience is meant to indulge vicariously in these manchild antics, but there's usually an underlying conservatism to those movies. They say all the debauchery is fun for a little while, but there's no future in it, it gets to be pathetic as you grow older without growing up, so have fun for a while, but move on eventually to more mature things like adult relationships and having kids.

And this is the exact opposite message, where the 'hero' Ria spends the entire movie being immature, hostile, toxic, paranoid... basically, Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. Only she has the moral luck to be right about the guy marrying her sister (apropos of nothing), so the movie ends with her beating him up and running away with her sister to continue to be a total womanchild.

It's just weird to have a twenty-something actress playing a teenage girl who has this "eww, boys are gross!" ten-year-old girl attitude.

The whole thing is kinda like Scott Pilgrim, with this over-the-top world where people can legitimately get into kung-fu fights, but whereas that movie totally committed to the bit, this one weirdly half-asses it. One moment, the characters are doing wire-work, fighting each other in public, and this is treated as nothing out of the ordinary--then Ria will accuse the bad guys of something and everyone goes "what? are you crazy? This is the real world! Be serious!"

It just didn't match up for me, tone-wise.

Also, this is petty, but if our protagonist is a girlpower-crazy action movie nut who fans kung-fu movies, why is every movie we see her enjoy a male-centric movie like The Man With The Iron Fists or Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story? Shouldn't she be a fan of more obscure, but women-focused works like Sister Street Fighter or The Inspector Wears Skirts? Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock go completely unmentioned, even though you'd think they'd be a touchstone for an action movie fan with a focus on female performers.

Yeah, it's a little thing, but I think it's the big tell between someone who genuinely does love action movies and is making one herself as a labor of love versus someone who just wants to get the usual improv comedy made and is stapling on some action movie junk to get it sold to the Netflix algorithm.

[saxandviolins77]

Transformers Skybound #13 and #14 spoilers below cut

Ik I normally do these promptly, but in the case of these issues... I needed some time to digest some writing decisions.

(and I also got lazy :p)

ISSUE #13

Thanks for the exposition, Red Shirt!

Seriously. This issue's dialogue is so stilted in some places, and the pacing is a mess.

Also, Ulchtar may be a deep cut, but it is an ugly ass name.

Soooo... When Skybound uses "brothers," they don't really mean related? Right? More akin to companionship I'd guess. As of now, I only recall Decepticon-adjacent characters using it too... (IIRC).

Yeah, but who are these "brothers" Starscream mentions?

Hm. Pure-hearted Starscream that loves weak creatures and nature... Not too farfetched.

And there we have our nonbinary icon.

Is that supposed to be Omega Supreme? Or are they painting all the Omega Guardians orange? I find it odd how their name is never mentioned once. (also they/them pronouns...)

If you know me, you know idgaf about Omega Supreme as a character, but I am very interested if they'll use him for the Constructicons' backstory.

I like this scene.

It shows that despite being a generally decent guy, he was already pretty reckless and... Can I say self-important here? I feel there's a seed of that.

I ASSUME there's a time skip here, but the way it was framed makes it seem like the attack happened immediately after Jetfire left, and it makes the pacing feel so rushed.

Tbh, the pacing would feel rushed regardless; everything feels squished together in favor of delivering Starscream's sob story.

Overcharge... ily

This is stupid.

I really like how they showed the other side of the war. Are we going to see that "ruthless OP" Elita mentioned?

Ooooh, so Megatron will manipulate Starscream into evil, ok ok. The question is: will he MAKE Starscream evil, or will he just make obvious what was always there?

I find it hard to believe that Starscream changed so drastically! I know war changes people and blah blah blah, but this is a written work of fiction; some things have to be made to fit together.

This is stupid.

I love it.

ISSUE #14

I make no deeper mentions of the humans, but I did like them here and what they added to the issue.

OH-KAY.

I'm literally so happy because last year I had a similar idea with Megatron's gun mode. I feel vindicated.

But yeah... Is he straight-up controlling 'Screamer Boy, or is he just torturing him? I feel it is the latter, given the mention of his "limits."

Oooh, this is kind of good.

I'll admit it, I wasn't feeling it at first, but I do like the take of Megatron coercing Starscream into villainy or something similar; it does bring to question if SS wants to overtake the Decepticon faction out of a lust for power (as he says) or to get back at Megatron (who's been shown to be a sensitive topic for him).

Maybe I'm still on the fence; I need to see where this goes. I like my Starscream to be genuinely evil and worse than Megs, but I can see this being executed well.

YES, Starscream is manipulating Astrotrain, but I do feel there's a lot of truth to his statement, jus' sayin'.

Maybe I'm a sucker for G1 Soundwave from the bios, let's see...

Cute.

Ooooh, that's a creepy sight for a human. Imagine thinking you have the upper hand in controlling the giant alien robot; he pulls a fast one on you, and you wake up surrounded by other giant alien robots. And then your crew gets killed by your hubris.

To conclude:

I still have to see more from Starscream and Megatron's dynamic to make a concrete take;

Issue #13 was kinda traaaash;

cat;

Devastator is going to get his ass eaten by Bruticus, y'all. I know I'm the Constructicon guy, but I also know my manfailure to a T.

[mayhemchicken-varneyposting]

Varney the Vampire, Chapter 2: A Conspicuous Lack Of Lizard Fashion

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The other occupants of the house - two young men, their mother, and Some Guy - are awakened by a scream. They stand around talking about it for several minutes instead of taking action, but eventually conclude that By God, It Came From Flora's Chamber! We Must Investigate At Once! After Another Page Or So Of Pointless Dialogue, Of Course. And so, armed with pistols, a crowbar, and enough lines of pointless chatter to pay Rymer's rent for the week, the two young men (Henry and George) and the older gentleman (Marchdale) force the door to Flora's room. Henry rushes inside and is immediately tackled and bowled over by the vampire, who then rushes for the window. Marchdale whips out his 18th-century Glock 17 and fires on the creature; it's unclear whether the bullet connects. The vampire turns to look at them for just long enough for us to see that his face is now flushed with fresh blood; then he jumps out the window, cackling. The three men run after him; the mother, who is not named now or ever, runs into the bedroom and faints at the sight of the bloodied Flora.

They find the vampire trying and failing to jump over the garden wall, and spend several minutes watching him do this instead of doing anything to stop him. Finally, just as he manages to reach the top of the wall, Henry shoots him and he falls off the other side.

Chapter 1, for all its grammatical clumsiness, was decently engaging and fun to read. Chapter 2 rapidly introduces four new characters, gives the name of only one of them, and drops a solid wall of conversation between the four with almost no dialogue tags to distinguish them. The effect feels a bit like being dropped down an open manhole.

As Flora's line hinted in Chapter 1, Rymer has a remarkable anti-gift for writing dialogue. His plodding, stilted, meandering conversations sound like no human being who has ever lived, and frequently disregard the urgency of a situation in favor of being as wordy as possible. A small sample:

"Did you hear a scream, Harry?" asked a young man, half-dressed, as he walked into the chamber of another about his own age.

"I did—where was it?"

"God knows. I dressed myself directly."

"All is still now."

"Yes; but unless I was dreaming there was a scream."

"We could not both dream there was. Where did you think it came from?"

"It burst so suddenly upon my ears that I cannot say."

There was a tap now at the door of the room where these young men were, and a female voice said— "For God's sake, get up!"

"We are up," said both the young men, appearing.

"Did you hear anything?"

"Yes, a scream."

And on and on it goes. Boys, your sister is fucking under attack - you might want to move a LITTLE faster than this!

Eventually Mr. Marchdale, who is not their father but a family friend who is staying in their house for whatever reason, spurs the young men into action, and the three of them set to work prying open the locked door to Flora's room. Varney's feeding must be VERY loud, as they can hear it through the thick oak door:

"I hear a strange noise within," said the young man, who trembled violently.

"And so do I. What does it sound like?"

"I scarcely know; but it nearest resembles some animal eating, or sucking some liquid."

I will restrain myself from making the obvious joke.

The three men spend a few minutes forcing the door with a crowbar. Then, out of nowhere, the narration drops the following gem:

How true it is that we measure time by the events which happen within a given space of it, rather than by its actual duration.

Very ADHD of you, Rymer. I'm not about to armchair diagnose the man - I do not think this paid-by-the-line vampire story is particularly insightful of the way his mind works - but I will say that reading this story is what having unmedicated ADHD feels like. My brain, bereft of dopamine, is getting paid by the thought.

Anyway.

Henry runs into the room so fast that the candle he's holding nearly goes out; then Varney leaps at him from the bed like a cat with the zoomies and knocks the candle out of his hand, putting it out for real.

But Mr. Marchdale was a man of mature years; he had seen much of life, both in this and in foreign lands; and he, although astonished to the extent of being frightened, was much more likely to recover sooner than his younger companions, which, indeed, he did, and acted promptly enough.

Doesn't Rymer just have such a way with words.

Marchdale draws a pistol, which the narrator takes great pains to point out is a REAL gun, NOT a toy, and fires on Varney, which doesn't appear to do much except piss him off. Varney turns to him, and we see that his face is reddened with blood, and his eyes are now glowing and emitting little crackling lightning bolts. Yes, really. For a moment he seems about to pounce; then he changes his mind and leaps out the window instead.

"God help us!" ejaculated Henry.

I love reading 19th century books.

Marchdale gives chase, with Henry and George trailing behind him. At some point he manages to grab hold of Varney, tearing off a scrap of his clothing. The three of them find the vampire trying to jump over a 12-foot-high garden wall. For some reason, Varney's repeated failed attempts to jump over the wall are horrifying to them rather than comical, and they stand there watching him bound at the wall like a cat in a viral video, falling to the ground over and over again. It's not until he finally manages to reach the top of the wall that any of them think "hey wait, maybe we should try and stop him or something." At that point, Henry shoots him, and he falls down on the other side of the wall.

Next: We check back in on poor Flora.

[korovaoverlook]

I Sacrificed My Writing To A.I So You Don't Have To

I was thinking about how people often say "Oh, Chat GPT can't write stories, but it can help you edit things!" I am staunchly anti-A.I, and I've never agreed with this position. But I wouldn't have much integrity to stand on if I didn't see for myself how this "editing" worked. So, I sacrificed part of a monologue from one of my fanfictions to Chat GPT to see what it had to say. Here is the initial query I made:

Chat GPT then gave me a list of revisions to make, most of which would be solved if it was a human and had read the preceding 150k words of story. I won't bore you with the list it made. I don't have to, as it incorporated those revisions into the monologue and gave me an edited sample back. Here is what it said I should turn the monologue into:

The revision erases speech patterns. Ben/the General speaks in stilted, short sentences in the original monologue because he is distinctly uncomfortable—only moving into longer, more complex structures when he is either caught up in an idea or struggling to elaborate on an idea. The Chat GPT version wants me to write dialogue like regular narrative prose, something that you'd use to describe a room. It also nullified the concept of theme. "A purity that implied personhood" simply says the quiet(ish) part out loud, literally in dialogue. It erases subtlety and erases how people actually talk in favor of more obvious prose. Then I got a terrible idea. What if I kept running the monologue through the algorithm? Feeding it its own revised versions over and over, like a demented Google Translate until it just became gibberish? So that's what I did. Surprisingly enough, from original writing sample to the end, it only took six turnarounds until it pretty much stopped altering the monologue. This was the final result:

This piece of writing is florid, overly descriptive, unnatural, and unsubtle. It makes the speaking character literally give voice to the themes through his dialogue, erasing all chances at subtext and subtlety. It uses unnecessary descriptors ("Once innocuous," "gleaming," "receded like a fading echo," "someone worth acknowledging,") and can't comprehend implication—because it is an algorithm, not a human that processes thoughts. The resulting writing is bland, stupid, lacks depth, and seemingly uses large words for large word's sake, not because it actually triggers an emotion in the reader or furthers the reader's understanding of the protagonist's mindset.

There you have it. Chat GPT, on top of being an algorithm run by callous, cruel people that steals artist's work and trains on it without compensation or permission, is also a terrible editor. Don't use it to edit, because it will quite literally make your writing worse. It erases authorial intention and replaces it with machine-generated generic slop. It is ridiculous that given the writer's strike right now, studios truly believe they can use A.I to produce a story of marginal quality that someone may pay to see. The belief that A.I can generate art is an insult to the writing profession and artists as a whole—I speak as a visual artist as well. I wouldn't trust Chat GPT to critique a cover letter, much less a novel or poem.

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

Had you played TV cliché bingo while watching The Couple Next Door, I do believe sparks would have been flying from your dabber. I’m almost in awe that so many were crammed in before the first ad break alone. Barely seven minutes in, Becka (Jessica De Gouw) and Danny (Sam Heughan) were pulling each other’s clothes off and having sex at their living room window, curtains open, in a way that no married couple whose small child has just left the room ever do. Except in TV La-La land.

It was a bonus, though, for Alan the Pervert (Hugh Dennis), who has a telescope trained on their house and dark circles under his eyes that suggest he does a lot of squinting while hunched over his computer (and I don’t mean at Wordle).

I suppose at least this drama owns its clichés. What am I saying? It revels in them. It opened with the classic taster of horror to come, Eleanor Tomlinson as Evie running in what we shall call TV’s “sexy terrified” way. That is, frightened but looking hot, hot, hot in a short silk nightie as she ran barefoot through a forest. We then flipped back in time to Evie and Pete (Alfred Enoch) happily arriving at their new suburban idyll to start their family, which was a sort of sunny Wisteria Lane and not at all like the Leeds I remember from when I lived there.

It told us everything was too smug to be true by having laughing children playing with water guns, lawns being mowed, cars being washed. Uh-oh. We know that can’t last. And it didn’t. Evie miscarried her baby (conceived with a donor because Pete has “puny sperm”) by minute 16. I have a terrible feeling that the koi carp in the garden are some sort of “swimmers” metaphor.

Sometimes the dialogue was so stilted, I wondered if it was a spoof. “You guys will get through this,” Danny said to Pete, who should really have responded by asking if he was a chatbot. It soon transpired that Danny and Becka were swingers (it’s based on a Dutch series called, yes, The Swingers) and they promptly had “that couple we met in Marbella” round for some wife swapping as Pete watched from his window. Has anyone in this street ever considered closing a blind? And, actually, aren’t they “the couple opposite”, not “next door”?

There’s a dull subplot about Danny being a dodgy copper, which ties in to a dull investigation that local journalist Pete wants to look into, but his editor wants him to cover the opening of a new city library. A new library? Pull the other one. The UK has closed about 800 of them in the past decade.

At least Evie cheered up when she got Danny’s powerful beast between her legs. Oh, I mean his motorbike, though it’s obvious it won’t be long before the other beast comes into play. I feared we might get to the end of the episode without it committing the top TV cliché on the bingo card, namely spontaneous sex on a kitchen worktop. But, no. Evie and Pete gave us a full house by doing exactly that — and during a storm for added cheesiness.

These couples are as wooden as Dutch clogs, but I am enjoying Dennis’s greasy performance as the disgusting stalker who pretends to like yoga so he can be near Becka. I must warn you that later in the series it’s traumatic to see the man who played the nice dad in Outnumbered masturbating. I must also warn you that episode two contains some of the worst cringey couple dancing you are likely to witness in your lifetime. I think the moral of this silly but entertainingly corny tale is going to be: “Don’t shag the neighbours.”

thetimes.co.uk

Carol Midgley joined The Times in 1996 and is a former Feature Writer of the Year winner. Find her column in Times 2 each Wednesday and her TV reviews on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.

————————————————————————

Indeed I saw all the reviews after the streaming view, including all episodes. The Times’ review concretes many things about The Couple Next Door 💁‍♀️

[eta-volantis]

Okay, I finished HSR 3.3 and here are my thoughts.

SPOILERS (of course)

The good stuff:

The animated cutscenes are very well done. Good stuff.

Everything after the boss fight. The whole segment all the way to the end was what I wanted from the game this whole time when it comes to the storytelling and dialogue. It's to the point, doesn't overexplain everything in detail, and feel more like people talking.

Music is still great. Hoyo-mix still doing their thing.

Edit: forgot to add, showing character deaths even if I think they'll probs come back. Like that last part of the patch felt like there is something at stake more than any of the previous ones and finally leave us hanging with questions. I'm finally actually excited again to see what comes next.

Another edit: Wanted to add that the one subtle thing they did great so far is the Flamereaver. Never once explained, even if it's pretty obvious from the start who he is and something's up with him. Same with Lygus. No one sits down and talk about him, he's just very suspicious and clearly up to something. But with the pathces extended for so long, these guys felt forgotten for ages.

The bad:

Dialogue somehow feels even more stilted that before (from before the boss fight though, after that it was actually pretty good)

Dan Heng is still unvoiced although he is very prominent. This is not a jab at his VA btw because he's not one of the people being an ass, he's just stuck in this situation like most others, but we're getting to the climax, so it stands out and unlike ZZZ we can't really rewatch cutscenes.

Everything that came before the boss fight inclusing 3.0, 3.1, and 3.2 could have been reduced by half for a more snappy and to the point story telling. The first part of 3.3 DRAGGED on holy shit. They feel the need to explain everything in detail and I think that's a hindrance.

Characters are not well fleshed out with exception of Phainon and Mydei imo. Most of them only have real relevance or story right on their patch. Aglaea is better than most, but they did nothing with her like until 3.3 and the good stuff's here. It's just too fast so I really just don't establish any emotional connection with them enough to leave me devastated. A lot of revelations also are tied to them, so it feels like I'm just thrown information without set up. ZZZ had this issue with 1.7 for one of the chars for me, but for HSR it's like the majority of the cast of 3.x that's like this.

The writing style shifts so much between before and after boss fight imo that I wonder if this is the change that they mention. I'm curious to see if 3.4 will be different.

[voidvinn]

here’s a little analysis on game vs anime!brandon’s personality and my thoughts on his Masters portrayal! because i am insane :] i’ve been thinking about this for hours help m

Okay, so, I knew that if Brandon was ever added to masters he would have his game personality. Because, duh. HOWEVER, it’s very surprising to finally have a personification for his Emerald and ORAS portrayal since it was only a few lines of dialogue before. The main difference i can surmise between the game and anime iterations of Brandon is that game!Brandon is extroverted while anime!Brandon is introverted. You can even see this in their beginning dialogue, as Brandon mentions being the Pyramid King in Masters while anime!Brandon only brings it up once confronted by the King of Pokelantis.

Even their voices exemplify this difference. Anime!Brandon’s words are stilted and awkward most of the time, but this changes in the midst of battles. Masters!Brandon having a deeper, more natural-sounding voice was a more obvious choice. His Masters voice is actually more fitting on paper, with it matching his game dialogue. However, anime!Brandon’s speaking pattern is one of his most distinctive features. He tends to enunciate the beginning of his words and use uncommon vocabulary.

Game!Brandon seems very sincere in his words, describing things as grand and talking about his life as an adventurer. Anime!Brandon could not want to talk LESS about his life and passions. Not to say he isn’t passionate, but he’s more of a loner with a slight ego. The whole “NO” thing, as funny as it is, highlights how he doesn’t like idle chatter and thinks himself above most situations, hence trying to end conversation.

Anime!Brandon is a (lovable) jerk to be frank, but I can also understand why his personality was altered from his Emerald portrayal for the anime. Brandon’s personality in Masters seems to be very similar to Palmer’s, along with a few other characters, being an encouraging mentor-like figure. Anime!Brandon mentors in a very different fashion, letting people learn from their failures instead of encouraging them outright.

Overall I’m just ecstatic Brandon is going to be in Masters, in any capacity! Anime!Brandon will always be my favorite portrayal, but I think his Masters variation can definitely add some new facets to the character.

[belethlegwen]

I might be asking a stupid question here, but... I was wondering what makes Melanie's manner of speech differ from the average King's Tongue speaker?

It was described as stilted, but i still can't manage to grasp a noticeable difference upon rereading the stranding. I mean the formalities are needed given the context and all...

You write really well btw, I'm just the dumb one here sorry lol

It's not a stupid question at all! Mostly the only difference in the later chapters would be her accent and speed of talking/some of her turns of phrase. Initially she was trying to speak with more of the formalities and less of her own accent, which caused her to speak 'stiffly', if that makes sense? But I didn't know how to convey that directly in how the dialogue was written.

I struggle a little bit with writing dialogue that reflects anything other than a very pointedly strong accent, so I'm sorry if that's where I'm lacking more obvious descriptors of any difference. Best I could describe her initial stiltedness when interacting with the Watch and the Duchy is when you hear someone (in this example a typical east-coast American, or Londoner) who isn't well-practiced in accents or character voices trying to do accent/inflection of the other place. You can tell that something is off even if the words are the same, simply from where their emphasis would lie or how smoothly they roll from word to word. If they have clearer or heavier L-sounds. Stuff along those lines.

I'm not terribly sure how to make it more clear, that is part of my bigger struggles as a writer honestly. Thank you so much for the question though! I hope I answered at least a little bit, and I'm always willing to take tips and suggestions for how I might be able to detail small differences in speech without just constantly having someone go 'huh' or detailing it in the text itself as someone else's thoughts/perspective on it.

Thank you for the ask!