#and the bonds between friends are also SO GOOD

[allineedisonedream]

< previous part

First part

While Wally was traveling, he spotted Donna and Dick hunting for fish. As they were distracted, a net began to fall. Neither of them noticed until it was almost too late. In a blur, Wally darted toward them, grabbed their arms, and yanked them out of the way just as the net snapped shut.

Wally’s parents died in a storm. His Aunt Iris took him in afterward. She was an informant who traveled between pods, bringing news and stories from both humans and merfolk. She gave Wally a home, and together they wandered the seas. Later, Iris met Barry, a human scientist. They began courting, and once Wally was old enough, he started traveling alone, often returning to visit their pod. That’s also how he met Garth later in life.

Garth is a human boy (or is he?), born with unnatural-looking markings, which made him an Outcast in his village, he was taken in by a kind and respected fisherman named Arthur. After meeting Wally while fishing, they became fast friends, bonding over their curiosity about each other’s worlds.

Eventually, Wally introduced Donna and Dick to Garth. Dick wasn’t so sure, trusting a human felt impossible. But Donna and Wally, who had both grown up around humans and spoke their language, convinced him to give Garth a chance. Over time, Dick and Garth grew close and that’s also how Dick learned to speak the human language.

Roy had been struggling with his pod lately, trying to prove himself. He started patrolling more frequently and more aggressively. During one of these patrols, he spotted a human collecting shells near his territory and attacked without hesitation. But before his spear could strike, a mermaid blocked his path. It was Dick. A tense standoff followed. Garth retreated to his boat. Dick stood his ground.

It took time. Dick and Roy bonded over shared guilt and not feeling good enough for their pod. Roy eventually met the others, clicked with Donna immediately, and quickly found himself swept up in Wally’s energy. It took a little longer, but even he got used to having Garth as friend.

Slowly, they began to trust each other.

And what began with accidental encounters turned into something like friendship, loyalty… and maybe even a new found family.

(That’s pretty much as far as I’ve planned this AU in my head! I’m going to take a break from it for now, I’m not sure when/if I’ll draw more. (I have vague ideas for two more chapters, but well see). Thank you so much for all the love and interest, it really inspired me to keep drawing! 💛)

[orellazalonia]

orella,

Hey hey! Could I request a bucky x reader where Bucky is the head of HYDRA but the reader doesn't know about her husbands business and what it actually entails even though she visits his office every day? I was also wondering if maybe it could be set around the 1940s time period where the reader is a housewife and she's good friends with Steve and Peggy, who know about Bucky and his line of work?

Thank you so much I love your work 👏👏👏 it's so beautiful each time I read a new story I jump with happiness :)

Hello, dear. Thank you for the kind words! I’m so glad to hear you’ve been enjoying my work so far. I have been so eager to get to your request, it sounded so interesting! I absolutely loved Bucky in this one honestly. So, I hope you enjoy it as well! Happy reading!!!

To Love and Lie

Summary: In 1940s Brooklyn, you're a devoted housewife blissfully unaware that your charming husband, Bucky Barnes, is secretly the head of HYDRA. As small cracks begin to show and your curiosity grows, Bucky works to gently steer you away from the truth while your friends Steve and Peggy, who know everything, say nothing. (1940s AU | Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Housewife!reader)

Word Count: 2.1k+

Main Masterlist

The smell of fresh bread clung to your coat as you walked down the quiet Brooklyn street, gloved fingers clutching a thermos of chamomile tea.

The morning’s chores were already behind you: laundry hung, dinner planned, and the floors scrubbed until they shone like war medals. The sky was overcast, but you didn’t mind. You had a routine, and routine made you feel like everything was right. It was just past noon, and as always, you were on your way to visit your husband at work.

The building was tall and gray, tucked discreetly between a hardware store and an old war bond office. The sign out front simply read "Strategic Resource Development." It sounded vague and official, the way most government-related work did these days.

You didn’t know exactly what your Bucky did. Something to do with security or defense. That’s all he ever said, and you never pushed. It wasn’t a wife’s place, not during wartime.

Every day, the men at the door greeted you politely, their uniforms sharply pressed with their expressions unreadable. You smiled sweetly at them in return. They never asked who you were. They knew. You were Mrs. Barnes, always dressed neatly, always carrying something small and homemade for your husband, and always punctual like clockwork.

You didn’t work or have a job. Bucky wouldn’t have it, not when he could provide. So most of your days were spent tending the apartment, writing in your little journal, swapping recipes with the older women down the hall, and sometimes having tea with Peggy or Steve when they were in town.

They were good people, old friends of your husband. They always smiled when they saw you, always asked if you were well. But sometimes… there was something tight in the way Steve’s jaw would twitch when you asked how he and Bucky have been at work. And Peggy, sharp as a whip and confident, always seemed like she wanted to say something she didn’t.

But you didn’t dwell on it. You were happy and you loved your life.

You rode the elevator to the top floor, heart fluttering in that familiar way it did whenever you got to see Bucky in the middle of his busy day. You imagined the way his face would soften when he saw you, how his eyes would crinkle, how he’d take the tea from your hands with a quiet thank you and brush a kiss over your temple.

That’s what love looked like. That’s what a good marriage felt like.

You paused outside the door to his office, noticing the usual receptionist wasn’t present at the moment. So, you smoothed out your dress and made sure your lipstick hadn’t smudged. You didn’t knock just yet. You listened first to make sure you weren’t interrupting. Most of the time, it was quiet. Today… it wasn’t.

You could hear voices, low and tense, and something metallic. A clink, or a slide of machinery. You furrowed your brow but didn’t linger long. You stepped back and turned toward the secretary’s desk, just as the door suddenly opened.

And for the first time in a long time, Bucky’s office didn’t feel like yours.

You couldn’t quite explain the shift in air, the way the men in the room turned to look at you not with recognition, but curiosity. They were dressed in black, not navy or green, and there was an odd symbol carved into the wall, not a flag or an eagle. Something colder. A skull that looked like it had tentacles coming out from it. You blinked.

And there was Bucky. Standing at the head of them all.

He wasn’t startled. He wasn’t smiling. He was… composed. Unmoving. Like he’d expected you. Or like you were a problem he needed to solve.

“Sweetheart,” He said, stepping forward, his voice soft but layered. “You’re early.”

Your fingers tightened around the thermos. Suddenly, it felt heavier than it had an hour ago.

“I… brought your tea.”

He took it from your hand, his smile small, almost indulgent. Behind him, the men remained silent. They didn’t move. They didn’t speak. You felt eyes on you from every corner of the room.

Bucky looked at you gently, the same way he always did.

“Come in,” He said.

And like a good wife, you did.

You stepped inside, heels soft against the dark polished floor, the familiar weight of your coat suddenly stifling. The air in the office was colder than usual, the lights dimmer that cast long shadows behind the broad shoulders of the men in black.

You tried not to look too long at them, at the strange octopus-looking symbol, at the quiet tension that seemed to hum in the air like static.

Bucky closed the door behind you with a soft click. The sound made you flinch. He noticed.

He moved toward you, his posture easing as he reached out to gently take your hand in his. “You alright, doll?”

You blinked up at him, nodding once. “Yes, I just… I didn’t know you were in a meeting. I thought your secretary would–“

“She had just stepped out,” He interrupted smoothly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “You didn’t interrupt anything important.”

You glanced past him at the men who hadn’t moved. “It looked like–”

“Just some internal policy talk,” He tilted his head to meet your eyes. His voice was calm, soothing. “They get a little stiff about it, that’s all. Nothing you need to worry your sweet little head about.”

He let out a short, warm laugh like the tension hadn’t just shifted in the room.

“Besides, you’re the best part of my day. I needed a break anyway.”

You smiled a little, because he was the best part of your day. He always had been. Bucky was the steady center of your world. And even now, when the room felt off and your chest felt tight, he looked at you with the same eyes that tucked you into bed every night, kissed your forehead every morning, and held your hand when the news from overseas got too grim.

Still, something about that strange symbol behind his desk lingered in your mind.

“What is that on the wall?” You asked quietly, nodding toward it. “It looks… new.”

Bucky glanced back over his shoulder, then turned back to you with that practiced, lazy smile. “Just some branding, part of a new division I’m managing. Defense contracts are getting more complicated lately. Gotta look sharp for the boys upstairs.”

You tried to smile back, though your fingers fidgeted with the edge of your gloves, trying to ignore the men who were dead silent. “You never really told me what you do, you know.”

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “That’s because I’d rather spend our time talking about you.”

You opened your mouth, unsure of what you even meant to say. But he touched your chin lightly, guiding your gaze back to him.

“Trust me, sweetheart,” He murmured, eyes locked with yours. “What I do… it keeps you safe. That’s all you need to know.”

Your breath caught, and you nodded again. “Of course. I didn’t mean to–”

“Shh.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. “It’s alright. You’ve never asked before. Just caught you off guard today, huh?”

You leaned into him, resting your cheek against the warmth of his chest. The tension began to slip away. His heartbeat was steady, familiar.

“I guess so,” You mumbled. “You always seem so calm in here. I didn’t expect it to feel so… serious.”

His hand smoothed down your back. “Well, that’s work. You don’t get to the top without learning how to act the part.”

You smiled at that, eyes closing. You liked hearing that. Your husband who was smart, steady, and respected. Powerful. He always made you feel like the luckiest girl in Brooklyn.

Behind you, the door opened again. A voice, quiet and respectful, murmured something about clearance codes. Bucky turned his head but kept one arm wrapped around you.

“I’ll be just a minute,” He stated firmly. Then, more gently, to you: “Why don’t you wait in my lounge, huh? I’ll bring you home when I’m done.”

You nodded, stepping away slowly.

“Alright, but only if you let me spoil you and our friends for dinner tonight.”

He smiled, eyes warm. “I’ll hold you to it.”

You kissed his cheek and slipped into the side room he kept for private guests full of soft chairs, a small bookshelf, and a radio he’d installed just for you. The moment the door clicked shut behind you, the softness faded from Bucky’s face.

He turned back to the men waiting silently.

“Clean this up,” He commanded coldly. “And find out why the damn secretary left her post.”

The dining room was warm and glowing, lit by soft amber lamps and the flickering of two tall candlesticks you'd pulled out for special occasions. Bucky had brought home your favorite flowers, peonies and roses, as they sat in a small vase at the center of the table. You’d spent the afternoon preparing everything just right: the roast perfectly browned, the potatoes buttery and soft, and the pie cooling on the windowsill like something out of a magazine.

Steve arrived first, coat draped over one arm, and cheeks pink from the walk over. He gave you that same boyish smile he always had, a little tired around the edges, but genuine.

“You didn’t have to go all out, you know,” He said as you took his coat.

“You always say that,” You replied, nudging his arm affectionately. “And yet, here you are.”

Peggy followed soon after, elegant even in a simple dress and coat. Her lipstick was a bold red that only she could wear so effortlessly. She kissed your cheek and complimented the smell in the kitchen, but there was something keen behind her eyes, something she always carried when Bucky was in the room.

You didn't see it. Not really. You just figured they were all wound up from the war.

By the time dinner was served, Bucky had joined the table with the rest, freshly washed and changed into his off-duty clothes. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and his tie was loose. He was good at this. At shifting between warmth and command, between softness and strength. You only saw the former.

Steve and Peggy, however, knew both.

Conversation stayed light for a while. You laughed with Peggy about the disaster that had been your attempt at knitting a sweater, and Steve offered to help fix the radio you kept in the guest room. Bucky chimed in only when you touched his knee beneath the table or when your hand brushed his on the way to refill drinks. He watched everything. He always did.

Eventually, the topic turned as it always did toward the war. Steve asked Bucky something vague about his “department,” and you didn’t catch the full meaning, only the way the two men locked eyes for half a second too long.

You were pouring coffee when you asked, lightly, “Do either of you even know what it is Bucky does, really?”

There was a pause.

Steve looked at Bucky, then at you. His jaw twitched, subtle but not invisible.

“I know enough,” Steve said finally.

You laughed. “That makes one of us.”

Peggy gave a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You trust him. That’s what matters.”

“Of course I trust him,” You replied, glancing toward your husband. “I’m just saying… I walk into that building today and I feel like I’m the only one in the world not in on the joke.”

Bucky reached over, brushing his fingers over yours.

“You don’t need to be in on it,” He said gently. “That’s the point.”

Steve watched the exchange carefully. Peggy took a sip of her coffee, her expression unreadable.

You looked between them. “Do you two know something I don’t?”

“No,” Bucky answered at once, his voice smooth and disarming. “They just know the world’s not always as clean as we’d like it to be. You know how much I’ve worked to make sure you don’t have to worry about all that.”

“I wasn’t worried,” You muttered quietly, pouting almost. “Just… curious.”

Bucky’s thumb traced the back of your hand. “Curiosity’s dangerous in my line of work, sweetheart.”

You felt the heat creep up your neck, but not from fear. From the way he looked at you when he said it. Possessive and protective.

Steve shifted in his chair. “We’ve all got our roles to play and might I say, this roast is divine,” He added, voice taking on a lighter tone.

Peggy caught on, gently changing the subject with a compliment about dessert. You followed the lead easily, slipping back into warmth and comfort, even though something still tugged at the back of your mind. A feeling you couldn’t quite name.

But Bucky held your hand beneath the table the whole time.

And somehow, that made it easier not to ask any more questions.

[wow-bleh]

How did you watch TOS and not come out of it a spirk shipper? Genuinely, show me your ways

Great question, get ready for a long answer! Keep in mind while reading this that I only took into account TOS while writing. I haven’t seen anything other than TOS and I don’t plan to (although, I have seen a bit of the original films, but I don’t like what I saw and I see it as separate from the series). Now! On to what is practically an essay at this point!

I’m a huge shipper normally and started watching Star Trek with the expectation that I’d ship them, so this truly is an impressive feat on my part! I also think it’s one of the best ships ever… so the fact that I don’t ship them is odd to say the least.

So I suppose I’d say, I love Star Trek too much to ship them. I love every aspect of the canon of TOS, to ship them would be me saying that I prefer them in a romantic relationship over their canon one, and I respect the canon too much to do that.

Kirk loves Spock his dear friend, he loves his ship and the people on it, he would choose those things over anything… and yet… he longs for a woman, for a romance. He would choose Spock and his ship over a woman 100 times out of 100, but still he feels lonely at times. To ship him and Spock means I prefer a romance between them to the canon of TOS and to do that is to disregard this part of Kirk’s character. I don’t want to do that. Now I do believe that he is closer to Spock than he could ever be with anyone else, but I think only mentally. Mentally he is as close to Spock as is possible, closer than he’s ever been with anyone, but physically he needs more than that.

Now as for what part of Spock’s character I would be disregarding… there isn’t one I can think of… more on this later. It’s quite interesting.

Another aspect of it is that I genuinely believe that they are better as friends than they would be as partners, and them being friends is more interesting than them as lovers. They are as close as two people could possibly be and yet they are not together… how interesting!!

For example they canonically love each other deeply, but Kirk is straight and Spock is alien who has different sexual desires than humans. And that’s it. That’s the reason they aren’t together. They love each other enough to be, but aren’t able to be attracted to each other romantically. In fandom we disregard sexuality constantly because in the face of a good ship it doesn’t matter, but in this case I think it does, because it is quite literally the only thing keeping them apart. That’s so interesting, they love each other so so strongly and yet there is no attraction involved.

In a shippy point of view let’s have their first meeting shall we, Kirk finds Spock attractive and Spock thinks the same. Love at first sight! I’ve read that a few times in fanfiction. It’s all in good fun and I quite like it, but I feel as if it devalues their bond somewhat. For in canon while we don’t know how they met we do know that they grew to love each other for their minds, a deep deep love and affection that went beyond physicality.

Another thing that interests me is McCoy. He is an integral part of the main trio of Star Trek. Putting Kirk and Spock together puts him in a separate category from them. We’d have Kirk and Spock who are in a relationship and McCoy who is their friend. Canon is far more interesting than that. For canon is this: we have Kirk, Spock and McCoy who are friends.

“Why is that more interesting? It’s just a category. It means nothing.”

Ah, but it does. For Kirk and Spock do love each other in a very special way. Because of that the fandom often forgets that McCoy is quite important as well. Amok Time. Spock called his friends down to the planet to be by his side. Not just Kirk, McCoy as well. However the only one he spoke to about his affliction was Kirk. This is so interesting, the only person he is close enough to for him to share this information is Kirk, and yet when McCoy figured it out Spock also wished for him to be by his side. If Kirk and Spock were together then this is so different. Rather than a complex web of love and friendship that is so different and yet so similar between all of them, they are pushed into these separate categories. Spock tells Kirk the truth- because he is his lover. Spock has McCoy come with- cause he might as well have a friend be with them for his and Kirk’s wedding am I right?

I understand that while it is a trio Kirk and Spock are the main duo of the show. However, this is a nitpick of mine. To be frank if I absolutely had to ship something it’d likely be McSpirk simply because it is closest to the canon.

Now let’s get back to what I brought up earlier… I stated why it is wrong to Kirk’s character to put him and Spock together despite them loving each other. But what about Spock? Is it damaging to his character? Well frankly it depends on your interpretation… If we’re talking about a fanfic of Spock being aroused by Kirk and kissing him on the captains chair then yeah, as fun a concept as that is- he would never do that. But that’s not because he doesn’t love Kirk, that’s not because of a conflict in his character where he yearns for something else, it’s simply because he doesn’t experience attraction like that. Ok let’s go, fun time, an analysis of Spock his relationship with romance and why his closeness to Kirk might very well be as close as he could ever be with someone not only mentally but also physically.

*ahem* So we all know that whenever there’s an episode where an attractive women is about all the men are frothing at the mouth over her except for Spock, for he is a Vulcan and far too dignified for something like that. It’s said and shown in many episodes that he is proud of his ability to be unaffected by such things, that he does not fully understand such things, and that he is incapable of such things, they are truly foreign to him.

“Wait a minute?? What about This Side of Paradise? Obviously there it’s revealed that he is capable of it!!”

No. You are mistaken.

This Side of Paradise is a wonderful episode. But it is not quite like that. When Spock is influenced by the spores it is quite against his will. He struggles and it hurts him, she says that it shouldn’t hurt for it didn’t for them, he says that he is not like them. That matters a lot. Against his will this was forced upon him. Under the influence he is able to experience human joy and human love, he loves her, he is capable of it now. It is then taken away as he loses the spores. At this moment he is obviously devastated.

“He is devastated, doesn’t that prove he wanted to be with her”

He did not want to have the spores, but because of them he experienced human joy and human love. Now it has been taken away. His devastation is more than reasonable. He can’t be with her now, but just moments ago he wanted to be.

This episode ends with Spock saying that for the first time in his life he was happy. That line stuck with me for much of the show. It is meaningful and filled with sorrow (I thought),and yet something about it didn’t make sense. He prefers the ship I know that. He chose to leave her. He has been happy before although in his own way… Despite my misgivings I took it at face value, Spock was happy for the first time on that planet and he wishes he could be again. Until I read an autobiography.

Within it an interview with Leonard Nimoy. The interviewer said just as I was thinking, poor Spock. Mr. Nimoy said he was wrong. Mr. Nimoy said that Spock is merely stating a fact, he experienced human happiness for the first time. Like if he had gone to a specific planet for the first time or eaten a specific dish for the first time. Now isn’t that interesting? That makes so much more sense. Of course he was sad at the end of that episode, but he still chose the ship he chose himself as he is.

Look I know this is long, and if you’re this far you’ll probably read any length, but as much as I want to go into each and every episode where Spock has a romance… I believe that what I’ve done will suffice for now.

Let’s get back to the main topic: I think that Spock’s closeness to Kirk is as close as he could be to anyone. I’ve already proven that romance does not come naturally to Spock. Now let’s get into the rest.

He touches Kirk more than he touches anyone else, he gazes at Kirk, he expresses himself only for Kirk, he looks to Kirk to see his reaction to anything and everything. He loves him. In Requiem for Methuselah that scene at the end is quite literally him saying to Kirk I love you. And if that seems like a reach to you.. it is not only my interpretation, I read it in the novel on Star Trek: Star Trek Lives! from 1975. So quite an official source wouldn’t you say? Yes that lovely scene did mean to convey such love.

When Kirk gets with a woman in front of Spock the camera always cuts to Spock looking dejected. He always has a valid reason. The captain has kept something from him, or something is wrong with Kirk, or this isn’t the time or place for such behavior, etc. Still, it is frequent. Fans like to say Spock’s jealous and he wishes to be kissed. I don’t think so. I do however think that Spock while tolerating and understanding of such behavior on Kirk’s part doesn’t quite like it. Because of love.

In Elaan of Troyius (one of the few episodes I can say was rather subpar), Kirk is forced to fall in love with a woman he does not love. When McCoy and Spock find out about this they have very different reactions. McCoy’s I find quite reasonable. He sounds upset, he’s exasperated, Kirk got into this mess he doesn’t know if he can cure, he’s got to find an antidote now and he’s annoyed and worried and Kirk’s always getting into these messes and- Spock is different. In perhaps the most devastated voice he’s ever used he says “It is true than Captain?” So… he loves his captain. I don’t have an explanation. I don’t think he wants the captain to kiss him instead, I don’t think he should be as worried as he sounds, no… actually, I believe I do know. I think that it truly pains him to see Kirk’s failed loves pan out in front of him, in Requiem for Methuselah it is the same, he doesn’t want to watch Kirk suffer so. In Elaan of Troyius he is pained to see Kirk be forced to love, to yearn for her. It is a unique thing though, he obviously does not enjoy the captains suffering in any sense, but in love it is particularly bad, he also doesn’t much like to see that captain with women even if he is understanding.

After this long long talk on Spock’s canon feelings regarding romance tell me… can you picture Spock falling in love and kissing and having a romantic affair? I can’t. Can you imagine him being as close as he is to the captain with anyone else? I can’t.

I think that Kirk is as close to Spock mentally as he could be with anyone, but I think he yearns for a women to be with to share mind and body with.

I think that Spock is as close to Kirk as he could be with anyone mentally and physically, and I don’t think he yearns for romance like Kirk does.

I think that these canon facts and their canon relationship is superior to simply disregarding all this complexity and placing them in a romance. That is why despite thinking it is perhaps the greatest ship to ever exist I do not ship them.

I wrote this for over 2 hours. I had a great time, if you can’t tell I’ve been thinking of this for a while! Despite how long this is, frankly, I think I only scratched the surface of what I have to say on their relationship, but damn despite the fun, this has gone on long enough! If you read all of this, please let me know your thoughts my dear anonymous asker, and of course anyone else who happens upon this. I finished rather late at night so I’m sure there are some errors, but damn I’m pretty proud, this is good shit for shippers and non shippers alike, enjoy folks

Edit: omfg guys I just checked and this is 2261 words?!? Man… and I could add more too

Edit2: so when I was writing it this is fr as short as I could get it, but now that I’ve got all these thoughts out of my head I was finally able to think of a way to say it simply:

I like canon. In canon they are friends. That’s that.

But y’know my fancy analysis still stands and frankly needs to be expanded upon, just thought I’d give y’all the simple version of it. (Purposely didn’t say tldr cause u guys gotta read the long stuff to earn the simple version)

[panakoui]

post canon laishuro prelude :>

[ahalliance]

an important thing to understand with qetoiles is that he made every one of his relationships feel special without ever placing the importance of a person over another . he was naturally closer to some people than others but he never had A special person, if you get me

[instarsanddyke]

but i'm not supposed to scratch

[invadernei]

It's great to be a person who loves Ekubo. But why do I love Ekubo? I looked at myself and I found some answers. I tried to fully describe how much I love Ekubo and in what ways I relate to him... But unfortunately right now I don't have enough energy to put it all in words.

Also this is really spontaneous, so I don't think it's a great analysis, but I hope it at least conveys the sentiment. And it's a very personal text.

I'd like to bring up two points about Ekubo: his relationship with humans and the theme of being seen. There's so much more that I love about him, but these two points are the reason why his story resonated with me so much. This is where I found that deep connection.

So... Me and people.

The thing is, I like people. I appreciate people. I'm interested in people. I care about them and their feelings. In real world, I'm often around people, but I'm almost never with people. I can't fully relate to them. I'm an invisible observer. I'm almost like... a ghost.

And the most interesting thing is, I've been like that for so long that I accepted it as an essential part of myself. I think it's my natural state. It's not bad and it's not good, it's just... there. I enjoy being the way I am, although there are still a lot of things I haven't understood about myself yet. I know there's something I'm missing. I feel that. And I don't quite understand what it is, but I keep searching and I keep trying new experiences.

In other words, I'm okay with myself, I accept that some things are just my nature and I can't change that. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to grow, and improve, and explore.

I also very much understand Ekubo's "I want to be seen and acknowledged", but from a different perspective. I create art. And I want my art to be seen and acknowledged... And since my art is a part of me, I also want to be acknowledged and accepted for who I am.

I feel this strong need to share my feelings through my art... This is the part of myself that I'm not afraid to show. I want people to see the world the way I see it. At least for a little bit. I want to feel that what I do matters. At least a little bit...

Also, I used to be very selfish and self-absorbed and I looked at everything only through the lense of my own desires and emotions, mostly during my teenage years. I've changed. And Ekubo has changed. There's hope for both of us.

Feeling different pretty much my entire life and feeling like a bystander almost everywhere, I sometimes wonder... Am I even a human?.. Well, I guess I actually am. All these doubts and complex feelings make me human. The fact that I have this complicated relationship with humanity and strive for it in my own way makes me human. And I think this can be said about Ekubo as well. The difference between us is that my experience is purely social and Ekubo's experience has a physical, supernatural layer.

But we both faced it, the experience of being different, feeling different, questioning our humanity in one way or another, finding our own understanding of it, trying to be seen and connect with the world, exploring our love for it and for other people, constantly searching for more, overcoming selfish tendencies and resentment, finding some form of self-acceptance and finally adapting.

Ekubo is very human in his non-humaneness. And it makes him such an incredible and unique character.

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

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[princesmitty]

jhl staring wistfully at translator justin...... new jhl yaoi just dropped 😭

[distortedheart]

I am. sad about past friendships that have faded quite a while back. wah

[collegeoflore]

god we deserved a high society party quest….. i want to see the upper city so so bad…. let me into duke portyr’s manor i’ll be so normal about it

[like-sands-of-time]

I wonder what ani and padmé would have been like as parents to Luke and Leia, and later grandparents to Ben. Like I don't have any great developed thoughts on that whole au concept I just do love the thought. Ben has so much impressive family, and a lot of uncles and aunts to look up to. If a lot of things had gone a lot differently, idk how, and padmé and ani got to grow older and stronger together, if Ben were to have his grandfather not only as a legend but as a person to hold him and tell him stories, I wonder what that would have been like.

[maddisandy]

everyone has some pretty reasonable dynamics and then there's soleil and gale

[gravenravens]

ive been putting off writing this Ling & Greed character analysis essay for like a year, im at least in the note taking portion. i needed to flip thru a couple volumes with them but i got too excited seeing their interactions with others and felt this godly desire to finally start it since i have Oh So Many thoughts about their characters and im tired of them all being inside me. just their parallels alone could take me a day to get all this shit out

[guidingthulite]

i'm up to date with the super manga now