#and the big bad as well as some of the colorless creatures

[spookberry]

the first time I drew these two(when I was 12) they were functionally the Color Guardian's version of Jessie and James,,,

[mowu-moment]

Mob Rule: Realmbreaker, the Invasion Tree

My name is Mowu, and if there's one thing I hate as much as I hate rules, it's cards. What do you mean someone can play a card and mess with my stuff? We can't let them have any of those, and this hole in the sky that opened up behind me seems to agree. Welcome back to Mob Rule, a blogpost/article series about Rule Zero commanders, a unique(ly bad) deck tech around them, and what legendary creatures to substitute for them if the lawmages get too much on our backs.

Turning of the Handle

Since we've yet to have a colorless Praetor, there are three parts to Realmbreaker we get to focus on: mill, lands, and abilities. Mill is fairly straighforward: put cards in the graveyard. Colorless affords few great options, but enough good ones: Sands of Delirium, Whetstone, and Keening Stone all capitalize on our oodles of mana, while Ghoulcaller's Bell, Altar of the Brood, and Codex Shredder come down early to help our commander get rolling.

Spinning of the Grave

Mill goes hand in hand with graveyard synergies, and similarly has a few good pickings for colorless. A sampling of reanimation with Grimoire of the Dead and Portal to Phyrexia, a taste of big creatures with Bonehoard and Unlicensed Hearse, and a few funnier things like Myr Welder and Dermotaxi. While Realmbreaker takes its share of the lands, these cards pick up the creatures and artifacts that get milled in the process, so nothing is wasted.

Reaping of the Sown

Lands are harder to find additional synergy with, the only standout cards being Blackblade Reforged and Seer's Sundial. However, there are replacements for Realmbreaker should our tree be chopped down: Canoptek Scarab Swarm bombs a graveyard in exchange for a board full of tokens, Mirran Safehouse (ironic, I know) gives us the much of same potential outright taking the lands does, and worst comes to worst, we can twiddle our own thumbs with a Crucible of Worlds (along with a good package of sac-lands).

Spreading of the Tree

The greatest thing about ability copying, like the new Abstruse Archaic, is that it not only applies to our commander, but anything that might come attached to the realms we break (except mana abilities, but things like Inventor's Fair or Maze of Ith are still welcome). We also run some untappers like Voltaic Servant and Manifold Key to spread our infection a few more times each turn.

Staying of the Hand

We're a mill deck, so combat is nowhere near a focus, but we still need a solid package of creatures for the Vehicles and Equipment that we need for the strategy. To make some use of them, we're either taking creature-based removal, like Bladegriff Prototype and Steel Hellkite, or anything that can slow the board down, like Silent Arbiter and Rug of Smothering. If one had the budget, they could opt for a graveyard shuffler like Kozilek, Butcher of Truth, as a failsafe if they mill themselves too much, but we won't do that today.

Replacing of the Commander

This time around, there are very few options for proper commanders as a whole, much less ones that can do anything for the strategy. There are two self-shufflers we could choose, but they won't do much from the command zone. If you want to make a point to your playgroup, I'd go for Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger, as his exile ability resembles mill if you squint, and can make decking an opponent a viable strategy. If they're scared, Hope of Ghirapur works as a board-staller as well as a good body to hold Equipment (even if there's only four).

The full decklist can be found at https://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/mob-rule-first-i-break-your-realms/ .

[yandere-wishes]

Aquaphobia //Yandere Leviathen x reader//

Oh, have I never mentioned that I am MORTIFIED of water and literally any sea creatures...no? It must have slipped my mind.

For this story, I'm making a few assumptions. 1) Levi can turn into some sort of sea monster-like thing I'm assuming it looks like a cross between a Megladon/Giant squid/ Sea serpent. 2) He can communicate with sea creatures. 3) The giant horrifying aquarium that basically makes up his back wall is in reality linked to either an ocean or somewhere that houses a bunch of dangerous sea beings. 4) In addition to sea animal communication Levi posses Aquakinesis

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For as long as you can remember water has always haunted you.

The large bodies of H2O particles have never failed to shake you to your very core. 

In every single nightmare you ever recall, you are drowning in one of those shallow blue celestial bodies. The colorless liquid invading your mouth, clawing its way to where your lungs rested, joyously filling and choking them. 

Sea roamers of all kinds flocked to your drowning corps, millions of eyes drinking in your defenseless form, from the beady black shark eyes to the yellow cyclops eye of a giant squid. A fraction of a second later and those beastes were sinking their fangs into your tender flesh, large tentacles wrapping themselves around an arm or leg and tugging it until it detached from the rest of your corps. 

But in the end, you always woke up, always resumed your day as if nothing had come to pass the night before, back then you knew that it was only a nightmare....however this time you weren't so sure. 

Out of all seven brothers you'd always dreaded Leviathan the most. You had nothing against his "otaku" like ways or his unkempt appearance. No, it was simply what he was that made you keep your distance. 

Yet the third born seemed to have other plans for you. Leviathan hates "normies", the average demons and humans that overpopulate the earth, mocking those like him who have hobbies and likings that are "abnormal" in their eyes, forcing them to live shameful lives of isolation. Due to the superiority of normies in all three realms Levi had never once come across someone as abnormal as himself...that was until the new exchange student had arrived. At first, they had seemed to be just like anyone else, a normal human with absolutely nothing extravagant about them. But as time progressed Levi became aware of just how similar the two of them were. She would spend hours talking to Mammon about the newest anime or the latest level of the video game she was playing. Her tone was always so excited and pure, eyes gleaming and radiating happiness. But Mammon never understood, he simply scuffed and made some degrading comment about her being a nerd or worst then Levi. 

Maybe it was then and there that Levi had decided you were the one. That if anybody angel, demon or human would ever understand him, ever be this alike to him, it would be you, it had to be.

You didn't want to go to his room. You'd avoided it like the plague after Mammon had described the bathtub bed and giant aquarium that drew its water from one of the Devildom's massive oceans. The avatar of greed had even vividly described how the ceiling tiles could pull away, reveling yet another large aquarium for a roof. 

It sounded worst than any haunted house, a place you would never dare venture into. But this time you didn't have a choice, try as you may you couldn't get out of this. 

Earlier that day you'd awaken to something cold and yet trailing down your visage. The mere texture of the substance had jolted you from your slumber, the fear of the colorless liquid had bounded itself deep into your body's habits and subconscious. Eyes dilate, body frozen, tears at the brink of falling. A moist want reached out and cupped your chin, turning your neck too briskly that you were sure you heard a few bones "pop". A squeal escaped your lips only to be met with an instantaneous "shh, be quiet".  Your (eye color) orbs landed on the third born, his eyes housed a sort of sick glee it matched the sadistic twisted smirk he dawned on his face. Maybe it was the adrenaline pumping through your veins, maybe it was the fact that you'd just awoken and your brain was still partly asleep. Either way, you could have sworn that Leviathan's teeth had somehow changed. They where long and jagged, bending at roots were they sprouted from his gums, to top off the horror thin lines of thick juicy crimson highlighted the tips and betweens of his shark life teeth. 

By now you had begun to sob, tears flowing non stop from your puffy red eyes. Your body was frozen you dared not move, vocal cords had given up and your tongue laid dead at the bottom of your mouth.

"Hello, princess sleep well?" Despite it seeming so innocent there was a sort of mocking laced into the question.

You noticed something in his other hand. A large familiar blue-colored plushy with a gasmask was suffocating in this grasp. That was a rare collectible you'd somehow managed to win from a Crain game back in the human world. You never slept a night without, feeling safe whenever you held it in your embrace. When you'd arrived in the Devildom you'd practically begged Lucifer to retrieve it for you. It had taken all so many tears and tantrums, in addition, to agree to take over his chores for the course of two months. The day the firstborn had carelessly tossed it to you, had probably been the second happiest day of your life. 

Levi let out a cruel giggle as he brought your prized possession closer to your face. His long nails dug into the fabric of its forehead as he dangled it before your eyes. "It's kinda cute, what show is it from?" This time round he sounded genuin, no inanity to be heard. Yet you didn't speak still petrified and stiff. 

One heartbeat

two heartbeats

three heartbeats--

"Fine! What you won't talk to me cause you think you're better than me?!" You shook your head slowly, the gesture barely being noticeable. Yet he picked up on it. He let out another string of offensive giggles "You're scared, right? Afraid the big bad sea monster will eat you?". Oh, God how desperately you wished you could run. Find Mammon or Lucifer and cling to them. To find any means to get away from this monster. 

His fingers fell from your face, he turned without saying another word and made his way to the door. As he opened it, he called behind his shoulder. " If you want it back, come to my room at midnight and come alone" He then slammed the door abandoning you to your thoughts and terrors. 

In short, that was why you were standing in front of the door that would lead you to your personal hell. You had no desire to step foot into his room and yet it was the sole means to retrieving your stuffed monster. Hesitantly you lifter your hand to knock, your finger had not touched the wood when the door creaked open and something slithered around your arm and dragged you into Leviathan's room. 

"I-I'm h-here know p-please give it back--"

Your back collided with the cold tiled floor. You let out a scream of pain before Levi's hand was shoved over your mouth. 

"Be quiet would ya?" His orange and purple orbs gazed into your wide mortified eyes. He let out a sigh and his gaze softened. "(Y/N)...I-I've never felt this way about anyone before...well maybe Ruri-chan and Sugar Frenzy's lead singer for a short period of time, oh and this one...nevermind! Look I-I feel like your something different okay. I g-guess that I have a little crush on you. Noting big alright! But-but what do you say (Y/N) will yo be mine? We'd make a great couple! We like the exact samethings, share practically the same opinions. We are meant to be one!" Slowly he lifted his hand from your mouth, an excited smile playing at his lips, his eyes sparkled with joy and exhilaration. Maybe if you'd have time to think this trough you would have felt bad about what you next words where. 

The second his hand was removed from your mouth you shouted.

"NO! No no no no no! Never! I can't I just can't your a freaking sea monster you--"

No sooner had the words left your mouth that you felt your head accelerate forward and then get smashed on the wet hard floor. The notion repeated again and again. You where sure you were bleeding, some sort of concussion must have formed, your sight was blurry and spots were dancing everywhere. 

"You stupid normi! You tricked me! I thought you were like me! That would actually love someone like me! You made me freaking fall in love with you, you bitch!" 

He twisted your head to the side and pushed your face into the floor. "You're scared of water aren't you? Your sacred of what lives in the water too right? Is that why you don't love me (y/n)? Cause I'm some sort of water freak? Well? Damit answer me!"

"Yes" you choked out "y-yes L-Leviathan, I'm scared of you!" He let out a furious sigh, his tail wrapped around your neck and hosted you up pressing you into the glass of the aquarium. An odd noise filled to room, something alike to buzzing yet..somehow very different. "You know what's funny (y/n)? I may be some sort of freak, but I'm also the only thing keeping you safe from the horrors behind the class." 

Something was swimming closer and closer, it's figure getting bigger and bigger. The teeth and large snout and hulking dorsal fins soon became evident what was coming toward you. You screamed, the noise echoed and bounced from one wall to the next. Your throat started to bleed and go raw, your mind blank with the loud ringing of alarms or was that your heart trying to break your ribcage and runaway?

As the monstrous shark swam only a few centimeters away from the glass, you could feel the sensitivity and life drain from your corpse, blackness taking over. You tried to remain awake to grip on to conscious, darkness was not friendly for it only showed the monsters face, the image burned permanently into your brain. 

As you slipped away into a stygian dream world, Levi brought your limp body to his chest cradling you gently and sweetly kissing your forehead. He waved a hand dismissively at his "pet" and watched for a second as it swam away. He lifted you up and brought you over to his bed. Placing you carefully inside. He placed your stuffy next to you and stood up admiring the aesthetic of your sleeping form. You were so gorgeous when you weren't scared or defensive. 

"You're mine (y/n), finally! I'm never going to let anyone else come near.. you never!"

[mcfreakin-bxtch]

Colors (Soulmate AU)

Pairing: The Mandalorian x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: I’M ON A ROLLLLLL. I did try a little phrase at the end in Manoa at the end but I’m not sure on how accurate it is. My requests and taglist are still open. 

*Italics - flashback*

@zephyrs-from-far-lands​

Request: I hope your still taking requests because din djarin x reader soulmate au where you only see in grayscale until you meet your soulmate would be an amazing fic to read!

Masterlist // Prompts

She used to wonder what the color blue looked like. Y/N knew it was the color of the ocean, the beautiful sky; still so elegant despite the world being gray.

“Everything is just so beautiful!” Her friend would gush when she first found her soulmate. “I can’t wait until you finally see it!”

Y/N couldn’t wait either, but she waited patiently, with the firm belief that all good things came to those who were patient enough.

Though it was impossible to actually imagine the colors, let alone new ones, it never hurt to try. Y/N took every opportunity she had to dream about them, to even imagine the feel of them – she was aware herself that she was borderline obsessed with them, but couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Din was sleeping soundly next to her, back turned towards her. Y/N couldn’t help but trace the various scars and burns that littered his tan skin – which she always admired – and place little soft kisses on them. She knew he would eventually wake up because of this, but she couldn’t help herself. Especially not when she was feeling nostalgic.

Her life was pretty simple, even for a merchant such as herself. She took her work seriously, had friends, family, and little hobbies – such as training and scavenging – for herself. Y/N didn’t want to say her life was miserable, because it was quite the opposite, but yes it would be better with colors, to see the world in all its beauty; to see light among the gray ashes. She knew enough about them, could imagine what the color of the sand looked like – a tan, peach look she was told once – and the color of her hair and her eyes; her friend told her she had beautiful eyes.

Din groaned as he started to wake. He could feel soft lips trailing over the skin on his back, a welcoming feeling as he smiled and turned onto his side. It was hard at first to get used to her soft smiles and groggy voice in the mornings; it was too intimate, something he had gone without for so long. It was foreign as it was beautiful and warm.

“Good morning,” Y/N whispered, now tracing her finger over his jaw. He would have to shave soon.

“Morning,” he whispered back, leaning into her touch. “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good. I’ve just been thinking.”

He hummed, scooting closer to her until their foreheads were touching; he still couldn’t get enough of her touch, to feel that she was still physically real, with him.

“About what?”

Y/N grinned then. “About us. When we first met.”

Din chuckled, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Best day of my life.”

It was a typical day when the Mandalorian strolled through the markets with the Child and Cara Dune in tow. He was used to the gray world and had convinced himself that he would die with his vision still dark and colorless; he could dream about the day he would be able to, but even dreams can be teasers. Y/N didn’t see him at first, he had caught sight of her. She stood behind some fruit and vegetables; eyes glazed over in a daydream. The first thing the Mandalorian noticed was that his once gray world was starting to change. People were starting to become different, even from behind his visor, no longer the same gray shadows he saw every day; he could see the colors of the fruits and vegetables at her stand, the first he noticed was orange. A beautiful color.

Confused, he turned towards Cara, who he could see had black hair and brown eyes with pale skin. The Child, who was gurgling and cooing next to them, was green with big, brown wide eyes. They were beautiful too. But it couldn’t compare to how magnificent Y/N was when his eyes found her again, and he immediately recognized her as the reason for all this change; his soulmate.

Din Djarin never expected to find his soulmate, let alone have one. Didn’t believe that he deserved one either, not with what he’s done. Sure, he was a changed man now, but the insecurity was still there. He was always told that everyone had one out there, waiting for them, and that soon he would find his when he would least expect. He didn’t believe them until he saw her.

Y/N leaned in to give him a soft but passionate kiss, only pulling away to catch her breath; she still had to get used to that as well, the way her heart would pound and hammer away in her chest whenever they were in the same room together, and how quickly she seemed to lose her breath with every smile, every touch, every kiss.

“Mine too.”

Y/N was brought out of her daydream when she heard someone, a woman, call out to her.

“Hey, fruit lady!”

She quickly whipped her head towards the call, eyes trailing over a woman standing alone with a smirk.

“Got someone here who really wants to meet you,” she said.

The Mandalorian cursed as he hid against another stand. Even with his stupid helmet on, Cara could sense the change in her friend, could see the way his head wouldn’t turn away from the woman at the stand, only a few feet from them. She quickly deduced what was happening when she saw him looking around as well, his body language speaking to her in a way his words sometimes didn’t: surprised, curious, shock, realization, fear.

“Oh I see what’s going on,” Cara teased. “You just found your soulmate, didn’t you?”

The Mandalorian stuttered. “No I just… okay yes but-.”

“And it’s that girl at the stand right there, right?”

“Y-yes.”

He hid as soon as he caught on to her plan. He wasn’t sure if he was ready yet. What if she didn’t like him? Or his lifestyle? What if he was only putting her in danger? The questions swirled around like a bullet in a trapped room.

Y/N was weary but walked towards the strange woman. Her eyes caught sight of the Child, and she couldn’t help but smile and wave to the little creature.

“Hello,” she cooed to it. The baby waved back, babbling a hello in return.

The Mandalorian stopped breathing when he heard her voice. It was absolutely lovely.

“I’d like you to meet someone,” Cara interrupted, bringing Y/N’s attention back to her. “I think you guys will really like each other. Like a lot.”

He wanted to slap her sometimes. But it was too late, the young woman was already looking his way. With a deep breath the Mandalorian stepped from the shadows, body tense with anticipation.

Y/N was confused at first. Why would a Mandalorian want to see her? Then she saw it, the way colors seemed to bleed over her vision, wiping away all the gray from the world. She gasped, taking a step back as she inspected her new – the world wasn’t new, but she was – surroundings, drinking it all in. Her heart stopped when she saw the sky, and it was just as beautiful and free as she imagined it; blue and white, so calming and tempting. The next color she noticed was the color of her dress: brown with soft red designs over the middle, hugging her delicately. Despite all the overwhelming colors swarming her visions, she was able to come back to reality, the delight from her smile only faltering slightly at the revelation. Because this meant she had just met her other half!

Her eyes immediately dropped towards the man in question, who waited patiently. Cara clapped her hands, making them both jump.

“Well,” she let out an exaggerated sigh. “My work here is done. I’ll leave you two to it, the kid and I will meet you back at the ship.”

Mando could see there was no use arguing with Cara Dune, and he made a mental note to thank her later, even if the outcome was bad. But he could feel it, the instant connection between them, the curiosity underneath the amazement of their new vision.

“Hello,” Din finally greeted.

Y/N waved a shy hand, brushing her hair behind her ears. “Hello,” she greeted back softly.

And the rest was history. Din and Y/N both made sure to thank Cara for pushing them together, and the Child had taken quite a liking to her. It took some time to get used to each other, to tread the waters of a new relationship, but they had time, patience, and forgiveness, which saved them more than once. But for Y/N, being with Din Djarin was everything she ever wanted; being his soulmate and wife was one of her greatest blessings in life. She still couldn’t get enough of looking at him, his perfect dark eyes and wavy matching hair.

A gurgling coo called out to them at the end of their bed, making them both look down at the baby smiling up at them. Y/N chuckled as Din sat up to take the Child in his arms, setting him between the both of them and laying down, laying an arm out for Y/N to place her head on.

“This is all I ever need. Just the two of you.”

Y/N smiled at the baby, running her finger gently down the bridge of his small nose, humming in agreement.

“I love you.”

“And I love you kar’taylir darasuum.”

 Tags: @treehousemagicblog​, @riverquartzuniverse​, @beepbeepyabitch, @smol-flower-kiddo​, @harps-for-days​, @teenagedirtbagg2​, @goththespian

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 3- Gildara

Master Post

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland )

In the Northern fields of Lairyon, Gildara waits for the Order of Hermits. The land around them is different...dying. Is this what the Magistrate sent them to discover? What kind of creature, what kind of plague causes this? The only way for them to find out is by going deeper- literally.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s like a sea of grass. Look at how it rolls like waves.” Scar whistles, watching wheat dancing in the wind. 

Doc nudges Grian. “I see where you stole your hair now.” 

Grian takes off after Doc, shrugging off the hybrid’s attempt to puppeteer him and tackling into the ground. Iskall steps over the two, deep in conversation with Ren. The two share a fistbump, before Iskall casts his magic circle. A molded rod of radioactive material, which he’s dubbed iskallium, appears before them. Iskall grabs his creation and gives it a flourish. Ren attempts to mimic Iskall’s magic, his own magic circle starting red before turning a muted green. 

Just behind Iskall and Ren practicing, Cub, Scar, and Joe are deep in a conversation about the land around them. Wide fields of wheat, surrounded by row after row of carrots, potatoes, and more. This is the breadbasket of Lairyon. At the edge of the fields that surround the road, tall pines loom at the base of rocky mountain climbs. They’re south of Foresta, yet to cross Turtle River, but still within the fertile soil that the city is known for. 

A shadow passes over the traveling guild, before red wings flap to the ground. Tango turns around, red eyes anguished as he grips his flaming hair. TFC notices the body language of their scout, and steps forward. The entire road goes quiet, the guild the only travelers on this route. “What did you see?” 

“Its… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s big.” Tango’s wings fold away and disappear. 

“The monster?” Zed asks, creeping closer to his friend. 

“The destruction?” Impulse adds, following. Both trying to comfort Tango. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears.

Tango shakes his head, his fiery hair half a step slower than his initial movement. “It looks like a black scar, like a dark bruise against the land. But nothing is destroyed. It- I can’t describe it, man. You just gotta keep walking. We’ll see.” 

And so they do. Tango seems shocked by what he saw, and the hermits try to ease his fears. With time, the emotions are eased and everyone relaxes when Tango can smile again. They’re more than just a guild. They’re a family. Most of them only have each other, and as chaotic as their guild can be, they’ll do anything to make sure each person is happy and safe. They care about each other, comfort each other. 

Ren stays near Tango, telling jokes and stories to keep up everyone’s morale. His brown ears prick up as he hears a change in the wind around him. He feels something brush against the skin of his feet, and looks down. “Whoa, my dudes.” 

Everyone stops, turning to look at Ren. He’s gazing beyond his sandaled feet, to the ground. A swirl of grey, clawing along the dirt like a vine reaching for a tree to choke from life, reaches out towards the gilded fields and verdant forests. Ren scrapes the sole of his shoe against the dirt, trying to scrape away the ash. But no matter how deep he digs, it remains monochrome. And it’s growing before their very eyes. 

Another skein of grey reaches past Joe’s feet, and he hops away from the strange phenomenon. He shivers, pulling his cape closer to his body. Despite being a warm summer day in north Lairyon, he feels like an icy breeze has just dug right into his bones. Into his core, striking at his heart and soul. He looks around, but Stress is nowhere near him. 

“There’s more.” Scar whispers, pointing down the road. The creeping darkness reaches out towards them. Out from Gildara. “This has to be that ‘discrepancy’ that the magistrate spoke of.” 

TFC bites his lip, but nods for the team to move forward. “Keep a tight watch, gang. Report anything out of the ordinary.” 

They continue forward, walking into the monotone ground. Around them, the fields wither to ashen plains. BDubs steps off the road, picking up a stalk and looking closer at it. The color looks like it was burned, but he can still see each individual grain on the wheat. It looks like it wilted, poisoned or left without the ability to grow. The entire field looks the same way. Every field. Dead farms on colorless land. 

The small town of Gildara rises in the distance. Tucked against the safety of a pine forest, with the open plains as it’s front yard. A short bridge rises over a dried creekbed into the village. 

“It looks like they had a drought.” False whispers, pressing forward with the braver souls. Mumbo and Jevin slip into the middle, spooked by the village. 

“It’s not a drought.” Grian responds, fingers playing with the ash colored needles of a tree. “These trees still look like they got a recent rain. That creek should be flowing.” 

“And things just beyond this grey stuff are well fed.” Zedaph adds. 

“Guys?” Iskall calls out, hurrying back to the group as they continue through the monochrome town. “Wh-where is everyone?” 

TFC stops, looking around. The town is small, but the houses look warm and welcoming. With large windows and open porches, but not a soul is to be seen. There’s no voices, no wails or whimpers. Not even a birdsong. No bodies, no bonfires. Doors remain closed, but shops are propped open, inviting customers to peruse wares. It’s like the entire town just simply...vanished. Everyone, every moving creature is gone. 

“Cleo?” TFC looks over his shoulder, but she’s already on it. Turquoise blue magic wisping and waving across the open air, Cleo’s arms and fingers moving in a choreographed series until the spell is cast. But the circle goes nowhere, hanging in the dead air with nothing to attach to.

“There’s no bodies anywhere. No ghosts either. There’s nothing.” Cleo reports, letting the magic fizzle away. Beneath her, the ash colored ground sparks and swirls. 

“It doesn’t look like a monster or bandits came through.” Xisuma notes. “There’s no sign of a fight, no claw marks or blood even.” 

“So where is everyone?” Keralis rubs his arms, looking around. He coughs, his throat feeling tight and lungs feeling heavy, his body exhausted. Like a storm is moving in, the wall of high pressure sending them into lethargy. Well, most of them. Grian gets excited, but even now he looks pressed. 

“Let’s check town center. If there’s anywhere we’ll find clues, it’ll be there.” TFC points down the road. The guild stays silent, as silent as the world around them. Devoid of color, until one of them looks up the mountainside. Beyond the clawing darkness, they can still see the dark green of alpine forests. The further into town they walk, the more the pressuring feeling rises. Like they’re being crushed, like air trapped deep within a mountain. Far underground, and just as dead and unmoving. Even the wind has stopped blowing. 

“What is that?” Etho questions, pointing towards the well at the center of the town square. The grey turns as black as ink, crawling free from the stone well and dispersing out into the grey blemish across the land. Etho tries to slip into the shadow of the darkness, but there’s nothing. It’s not a shadow- this is something else. 

Cub peers down the well, into the dark hole. “It’s coming from the water supply. Are we sure this isn’t some plague or poison?” 

“It’s not like anything I’ve ever seen.” Doc points out. Beside him, Scar activates his magic and creates a series of steps. Down the well’s stony walls, the hermits descend into darkness. Into the maws of the beast. 

“Anybody got a light?” False questions, the only visible thing before her being Cub and Scar’s eyes as they glow a faint blue. 

“I got it.” Impulse pushes Tango forward, his hair illuminating the cave system they are within. Following the underground stream that terraforms the rock. 

Tango sighs. “I think I can do better than just my hair, man.” He draws his scrawling magic circle, summoning up flame that dances just above his hand. 

“And this is why having the explosives mage and a fire mage living in the same house is a bad idea.” False groans, but let’s Tango take point. He directs the flame, funneling the light as best he can forward. 

“Or we could just make Grian get his archangel aura.” BDubs adds. 

“We’ll be blinded then.” Mumbo adds, feeling his friend shift beside him nervously. He’s still healing from the last time he used his ultimate power. 

The cave around them opens up into a cavern, and Tango’s torchlight stops. Tango pulls his hand down, blowing on the flame. Trying to get the fire to burn brighter. But no matter how fierce the fire burns, it can’t make it through the darkness around them. 

Because the crystal before them takes it all. Absorbs all his light, leaving none to bounce along the walls of the cave. It hurts to breathe, the air thick as water and as heavy as rocks. The crystal hovers in the air, just above the spring of water. As soon as the creek wells, it evaporates. Turns to darkened ash, neutralized by the crystal above it. Tango steps back, behind TFC. “Alright man, this is your thing. What kind of creepy crystal makes water and color disappear?” 

“And what did it do to the town above us?” Cleo finishes, watching as TFC steps closer. He raises a gloved hand, pressing it against the cool, smooth crystal edge. He immediately retreats his touch, waving his hand like it burned him. 

“Whatever it is, it isn’t good. We should break it, and hopefully it’ll break whatever curse it’s causing on the town.” He steps back, feeling dizzy and fatigued. His head feels fuzzy. Impulse steps up first, a bright yellow circle quickly drawn and tossed onto the crystal. Seconds later, the magic explodes and the air shocks outward. 

The crystal is unharmed. Impulse tries again, this time with Ren mimicking him on the other side. The gem is as smooth as before. Xisuma steps up, snapping his fingers. But the destructive void magic is useless. Even when Ren’s imagination magic tries it’s hand in joint with Joe’s poetry, the crystal remains. 

Things get more aggressive. BDubs wraps a vine around the crystal, but upon touching the gem the plants wither and turn to blackened ash. Scar tries to pierce the jewel with stone, but it falls apart like silt, raining over the guild. Finally, False gives in and charges the gem. With a two handed sword raised, she leaps and swings the blade into the ebony stone. And immediately, the metal rusts and decays. 

“How do we break this?” Stress questions, picking at the rusted remains of False’s sword. 

“I don’t know, but Magistrate Dolios needs to know about this.” TFC steps up, despite the sickening feeling he gets near the crystal. He feels weak, tired. Using a diamond and his magic, he’s able to break off a tiny piece. Hardly even bigger than his pinky fingernail, but the best he can do. For a second, he swears he can feel the crystal vibrate beside him. “Let’s get out of here. I don’t like this.” 

The whole guild is in agreement, turning back the way they came. But the way is blocked. Grian’s face lights up as he sees the faces of farmers and villagers. “Look, this must be where the townfolk have been hiding!” 

“Grian wait-” Iskall reaches out, grabbing Grian by his cloak and pulling him back. “They...something doesn’t look right.” 

Tango raises his flame, trying to see the strangers. Trying to get a better look through the black and grey air. But they’re the same color, and the edges of their bodies, their fingers and limbs flaking away like embers and ash. “I… I think the crystal has grey-ificated them as well.” 

The woman’s eyes snap open, revealing haunting white eyes. The iris is gone, only glowing luminosity remaining. Her hands raise up, and a magic circle appears. It doesn’t look right- her motions are sloppy and the inscriptions are poorly drawn. Magic snaps and seethes across the air, uncontrolled and uncontained. 

The ground beneath the hermits feet turns soft, rock and dirt turning into quicksand and engulfing the legs of the hermits. A farmer behind the wizard raises his hand, pointing blankly to the crystal. And behind the struggling guild, the swearing and grunting to escape the mud scape, the crystal awakens. A black mist swirls around the crystal. 

Then strikes towards the captured hermits.

[overseer2020]

What’s the Big Mystery?

 As I look over my previous blog entries, I realize I never talked much about the role color has in Crimeworld. (This will tie into this week’s Citizens theme as well as explain the Clue thing I touched on yesterday, I promise.) Like I said in the rundown, Ethra is a world that has been suddenly and mysteriously infused with Magic. Without Magic, Science has been on the rise as this world’s primary advancing technology. As such, The City and its less magically ambitious Citizens tend to identify as colorless. Exactly what has caused “the colors of Magic” to return to Ethra after thousands of years is unknown, but there are those who seek the truth.

Some of these truth-seekers are not sanctioned by the law and are therefore considered Vigilantes. This one in particular is a call-out to certain hand-drawn (and radio-borne) detectives of the 30s and 40s. I won’t spell out who is wrapped up in this card, but I will say that when I expanded the scope of this project, I stopped trying to squeeze multiple character references onto one card. This one and her companion are throwbacks to that earlier design philosophy.

The “if you control a Citizen” clause is there not only to limit shenanigans, but also because a private detective needs to have a client. (This is a top-down set -- I’m designing these cards with the setting and story in mind rather than starting with the mechanics.)

Of course, official law enforcement is also interested in understanding what is going on, but often find themselves preoccupied with responding to imminent threats instead of learning about the source of Magic. This is Crimeworld, after all. The Lawbringers of this world are largely overwhelmed.

Originally, this was only for creatures and didn’t shut down activated abilities. Then I realized that was useless in the context of this set and block, so I expanded this card’s capabilities and took the opportunity to reflect my change of mind in the flavor text. Even as I write this, I realize that I could make this capable of enchanting a nonbasic permanent so annoying lands don’t get excluded whenever a spell’s design tries to avoid cutting off mana production. Heck, maybe I’ll just make it say permanent, but it can’t stop mana abilities...

Done!

And yes, this is a Knight Aura. Knights, Scouts and Soldiers make up the City’s police force known as Lawbringers (I was unaware of this term’s use in the video game For Honor until just two minutes ago. I don’t imagine there will be a problem). Lawbringers aren’t bad at their job. They’re just mostly outnumbered, occasionally corrupt and usually outgunned. I do sometimes make a card intentionally ineffective to illustrate just how put upon the constabulary is, but that was not the case with Arresting Truth; this card needs to be playable.

I can’t think of a good segue here, but I wanted to show off another Vigilante with an eerily familiar backstory those of you with a working knowledge of popular culture in Radio’s Golden Age will no doubt recognize.

This character was originally just going to be a Knight, but it occurred to me that someone who works on the outskirts -- in the literal Outskirts -- of society should be classified as a Scout as well, so that’s what I did. Also, I was short a couple of creatures with the Scout type, so this helps in that regard, too.

There’s more to say about the Investigate mechanic and Clues, but I don’t want to spoil too much too soon. For now, I will leave myself reminders to talk about The Inquisitors, False Leads and how to Build a Case in the future.

Next time: We look at a few more Legendary Citizens and why they’re important to the story.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Ssila’meshnik the Colorless Lord

Chaotic Neutral Protean Cantor of Fate, Freedom, and Paradox

Domains: Chaos, Knowledge, Liberation, Trickery Subdomains*: Protean, Memory, Freedom, Innuendo

Concordance of Rivals, pg. 17

Obedience: Ritually bleach your hair and whisper prayers in Protean song for an hour, naked, in public view. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred bonus on saving throws versus the spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities of creatures with the Lawful subtype.

(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals)

While this one doesn’t have the same awkwardness as Arshea, the Green Mother, or Lymnieris, it has a completely different form of awkwardness in that you have to do your worship in the public eye. Whereas most Obediences can be done behind closed doors, Ssila demands that you perform their ritual where people can see you, which may see you fined or even jailed depending on public decency laws. One could take ‘public’ to just mean ‘among other people’ and thus walk around in the nude among your party members, or in a communal bath hall, or in a restroom somewhere. Your weirdness could possibly be gotten used to among your party, but everywhere else? Hope you like dirty looks and people walking up to you with handcuffs and a warrant. The faith of the Colorless Lord is not for people with shame.

Also, this Obedience requires you to know the Protean language. Not much of an impediment considering learning new languages is as easy as plonking a single point in Linguistics. Bleaching your hair may be the more difficult portion of this Obedience, because what if you’re bald? Or a hairless race? Does Ssila accept bleaching of the skin or scales? That might be painful, actually. I hope it doesn’t have to be a chemical bleaching either, because then casters can use Prestidigitation to slowly ‘paint’ themselves white with the spell--actually that sounds really cool, just tracing a finger over yourself or trailing a hand through your hair and turning everything you touch white. I hope that’s an option!

Hell of a benefit, too, giving you almost a full suite of protection from Lawful creatures. Unfortunately it may not come up, as very few worldly creatures have the Lawful subtype, meaning you’ll have to battle Outsiders before this little benefit is useful. Depending on your campaign, you may not see this benefit used at all, which is a damn shame and something you really don’t want to see, but thankfully the Boons granted by the Colorless Lord more than make up for what may be a blank benefit...

Boons are gained slowly, gained at levels 12, 16, and 20. Servants of the Monitors, though, can enter the Proctor Prestige Class as early as level 8. If entered as early as possible, you can earn your Boons at levels 10, 14, and 16. You MUST take the Monitor Obedience feat, NOT Deific Obedience. Monitors grant only a single set of Boons.

Boon 1: Fated. Gain Liberating Command 3/day, Shard of Chaos 2/day, or Borrow Fortune 1/day.

This one’s an easy choice: Liberating Command is a powerful spell to just have in your belt, letting you use an immediate action to give yourself or an ally an immediate Escape Artist check to break themselves out of a tight bind with a bonus to their check equal to twice your caster level (max +20). It’s Close range, letting you help a friend out of a squeeze from 25+5ft/level away, and with a miles-long list of grapple-happy monsters in Pathfinder, it’s almost guaranteed that Liberating Command will always be useful.

Shard of Chaos deals a boatload of damage to a Lawful creature and twice as much to a Lawful Outsider with the added benefit of Slowing the Outsider it strikes... But it does only half damage to Neutral targets (which can be halved further by a successful save) and absolutely nothing to Chaotic targets, and it’s not always easy to tell what someone’s alignment is at a glance. If you know for a fact you’re going to be facing Inevitables or Devils or Archons, Shard of Chaos is your best friend, but otherwise I’d still like Liberating Command.

Borrow Fortune is a spell you only want to ever use to end a fight, because otherwise it will likely screw you over. It grants you Fortune (roll twice, take higher) on a single d20 roll you make and can be used as an immediate action for those times you see a number you don’t like, but after blessing you once? You’re stuck with Misfortune (roll twice, take lower) on every single d20 roll you make for two rounds, which can be a death sentence against some encounters. You really have to ask yourself if rerolling this one roll is worth getting your teeth kicked out in the following two rounds, and at only 1/day? I’d say no.

Boon 2: Inviolate Freedom: 1/day as an immediate action when subjected to any circumstance or condition that impedes your movement, you can swap positions or conditions with another creature within 60 feet. An unwilling creature can resist this effect with a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 HD + your Cha modifier).

A list of conditions that affect your movement that this ability can alleviate: Grappled and pinned, helpless and restrained, entangled, paralyzed, cowering, exhausted and fatigued, and prone.

(yes, death technically counts, but I wouldn’t let that fly as a DM)

A short list of circumstances that impede your movement: Being underwater, pinned below terrain, buried underground, tied up, having your body engulfed by sticky goop, having your legs broken, being swallowed whole, being glued to the scenery, and many, many, many other scenarios both mundane and fantastic.

I’m never a fan of 1/days entirely negated by a save, but man, if this ability goes off against an unwilling target? It’s hysterical. Just instantly pop out of some energy chains and have the villain in them. Swap positions with the enemy caster just as they order their big huge muscle ogre to sit on you. Throw a spider into its own web. Pop a mafia boss into own his roped-up chair just as his mook swings a hammer at your kneecaps. The possibilities are endless with how freely this ability is worded!

The timing, however, is exact. It says “when” subjected to the effect and not “while,” so you have to swap with someone the instant you’re exposed to the violation of your freedom and not, say, five minutes after you’ve already been tied up. I suppose you could bargain with your DM for some flexibility, but the Colorless Lord doesn’t like it when their followers have their freedom stolen for even an instant.

One of the more amusing uses of this ability is targeting yourself with a movement-impairing spell and then using Inviolate Freedom to get an enemy into it, because its saving throw scaling is often more impressive than a spell’s own saves, giving it anywhere from a +1 to +8 to its save DC without needing to use Metamagic or cast it at a higher level.

And don’t forget that you can also use it on a willing target to avoid the possibility of the enemy making their save at all! It’s especially useful if you’re subjected to a spell that one of your allies is immune to; you can swap the effect onto them and watch it fizzle! Or just throw it at someone with a much higher save than you and hope they make it! Or, if you’re grappled, suddenly swap out for the raging Barbarian and watch the enemy’s parts go flying.

By the by, note the very specific language here: “Swap conditions,” meaning if your target has any negative conditions affecting them, you get ALL OF THEM, not just the movement-impairing ones, and likewise any other conditions on your sorry self are gifted to your target as well. If you’re nauseated and bleeding but about to be tied up, well, you can make someone’s day infinitely worse.

Boy this one is long! What could the Colorless Lord gift you that’s more impressive than this?

Boon 3: Herald of Paradox. As a swift action, you can tinker with possibility. A swirling halo of Protean symbols appears above your head, and for a number of rounds equal to half your character level, you may roll twice for one d20 roll you make each round and use the better result.

How about eternal Fortune?

Yes, eternal. Here it is pasted directly from the book:

You will note the lack of ANY PER-DAY restrictions listed on this ability. Costing naught but your swift action every 8 or so rounds, you can choose your fate as you see fit. Not only does this power have a really cool name, it EARNS that cool name by being one of the strongest Boons in Concordance of Rivals, if not all of Pathfinder.

A single d20 roll every round might not sound impressive, especially because “each round” means that a crowd of enemies can still throw multiple abilities at you and you can still only reroll one, but it doesn’t say ‘the first d20 roll’ or anything of the sort. You can pick and choose which roll you gain Fortune on, saving it for the clutch save against a foe’s ability, or blessing yourself before taking an ability score check or performing a critical skill check. In a game where 90% of all rolls are d20 rolls, having advantage on one of those roll a round basically for the rest of your life is an INSANELY POWERFUL Boon.

There’s no real reason to not have this power up every time it goes down, aside from the instances where you’re in territory that despises the Proteans and the glowing halo may get you in more trouble than walking around naked.

And the best part about all this? Ssila’meshnik isn’t even a bad person!! You don’t have to feel like an asshole about worshiping them! ... Aside from the moments you expose yourself to people who really don’t want to see your naked body.

You can read more about them here.

[magusofthefork]

Should Field of the Dead be Banned?

We are having another B&R announcement on Monday and a lot of people are expected one of two cards to be banned in standard. Field of the Dead and Golos, Tireless Pilgrim.

Here we have a pay off card and an enabler for the card. Anyone who has been playing standard since Eldraine came out knows how this deck works. You tutor for Field of the Dead with Golos and you spam the board with lands which also then spams the board with zombies.

Its a difficult thing to beat in the late game for most decks. But there are a few more things to consider.

One thing to consider that I haven’t seen many people talk about is that Field of the Dead and Golos are colorless cards. One of the problems with strong colorless cards is that when they are too strong they are put into literally every single deck because every deck can play them. I think its important to point out that that hasn’t happened here. Both are being played in every deck running both blue and green but there are no decks playing the cards that don’t run those colors. I suspect this is because the deck is at its strongest when played with all the ramp cards in standard, all of which are green and 2 of which are blue (risen reef and growth spiral).

Another thing to consider is that the reason the deck is doing so well might not be because the deck is too strong. Its hard for players to see but sometimes the reason for a deck being too strong is actually because another deck is preveting its answers from being effective.

Oko being in every simic deck in the format (which is most of the format) is preventing stompy decks from getting to the top tier. We actually have some really good big creatures that can be “cheated out” with only 4/5 mana such as Ironcreg Feat into Drakuseth and Castle Garenbrig into Feasting Troll King but with Oko just turning them into 3/3s before they get to attack these decks just aren’t going to get there. Yes these creatures could be taken care of with removal spells too but there is a big difference between using a removal spell and using a +1 loyalty ability. You eventually run out of removal spells, you never run out of +1 loyalty abilities and while in theory a 3/3 is still a threat in practice it isn’t because the Oko decks have plenty of blocking creatures that can block the 3/3s and even when they don’t oko can just turn food into blockers that trade with the 3/3s.

So with that being said should Oko be banned? possibly. The fact Oko is currently seeing play in every format he is legal in right now should show just how powerful the card is. I think banning Oko would produce a healthier standard meta but I don’t think he’ll get banned for two reasons. Wizards is often reluctant to ban new cards and Wizards is very reluctant to ban mythic planeswalkers and mythic legendary creatures as these cards are often the faces of a set and banning them is bad for marketing. They will always ban something else where possible.

You may have noticed something up until this point. The problematic decks all have one thing in common, they are all blue and green. In order to deal with this issue a banning only has to hit something across most/all the problematic decks. That gives several options for a possible banning: Nissa, Once upon a Time, Hydroid Krasis, Growth Spiral, Guilded Goose.

Of those cards Hydroid Krasis, Growth Spiral and Once Upon a Time are in the most decks. Once Upon a Time won’t be banned. Its a new card and I don’t think its banning would be significant enough to nerf these decks. That Leaves Hydroid Krasis and Growth Spiral. Either one of these could get a ban and both would significantly hurt the deck right now without making the deck unplayable, though like with banning bridge from below in Hogaak they are both at the point where while it does hurt the deck to lose them it might not be quite enough to stop its dominance.

Growth Spiral provides the deck with ramp and card draw, letting them get field of the dead online quicker while Hydroid Krasis gives card draw to refuel, life gain to stabalize against aggro and an evasive threat to win the game with.

Banning Growth Spiral is probably the easier option. People rarely object to a common being banned as they haven’t invested into it and it only hits one other deck (simic flash) which can still survive without it. The problem with banning Growth Spiral is it may only temporarily nerf the deck as we could easily end up getting an equally strong ramp card in theros or more likely ikoria (I doubt they would do a big monsters theme without some strong ramp). This could be balanced out though if wizards has put an answer for field of the dead (ie some decent nonbasic land destruction) in the next couple of sets.

Banning Hydroid Krasis is the better option for keeping the deck down. It might anger some players as its an expensive mythic and will likely tank in price from the banning (it doesn’t really see any play in other formats) but unlike Growth Spiral its much harder to replace there is no other card in standard that provides card draw, life gain and an evasive threat all at once and its unlikely that there will be in a future set. Banning Krasis also has the added benefit of nerfing Oko food decks which could be the best deck in a meta without field of the dead dominating.

There is of course always the possibility that no bans happen. The Golos decks did not dominate the Top 8 at the last Mythic Championship but this is due to the prevelance of decks specifically designed to counter it so while it may seem like the Golos deck isn’t dominant it is massively warping the meta around it just like Hogaak did to modern (though no where near as bad as that).

I have heard some people suggest banning Gilded Goose or Wicked Wolf to hit the Oko decks. I don’t think this will happen, neither of those cards hurt field of the dead at all and while making Oko decks worse would indirectly make field of the dead worse by making its counters better I don’t think it would be enough as well as requiring a ban to an Eldraine card which is not something wizards wants to do. I also personally hope they don’t ban those cards because it would really hurt my mono green standard deck (You can see the list on my tumblr).

So in conclusion I believe wizards has 5 options on Monday: 1. Ban Field of the Dead. This kills off the deck but does nothing to stop simic from remaining the dominant colors in the format.

2. Ban Oko. Makes field of the dead weaker by indirectly making its worse match ups more common and nerfs simics as a whole but requires banning a face card from Eldraine which is bad for Wizards.

3. Ban Growth Spiral. Weakens field of the dead without killing it and weakens simic a bit as a whole and no one would really complain too much but it might not make a big enough impact and any impact it does make could be very short term.

4. Ban Hydroid Krasis. Weakens field of the dead without killing it and weakens simic a lot as a whole. Would cause complaints due to an expensive card tanking in price from a banning.

5. No bans at all. This is the riskiest move to make as it could result in simic remaining completely dominant for the next year with the meta being made up of simic decks and decks that counter them but there is the possibility that the meta still manages to stabalize and it just takes longer than normal due to the lack of obvious answers.

Personally, after a lot of throught, I think that the best option for wizards is to ban Hydroid Krasis (banning oko would be better for the standard meta but has a lot of other downsides for wizards) but I’m not confident that wizards will do that. I’m really not sure what wizards will do here, I think the most likely scenario is no bans at all and the least likely is an Oko ban (out of the bans I suggested). In any case I am looking forward to seeing what happens and hope we get an article explaining why they made their decision (especially if that decision is no bans).

If you’ve read this far let me know what you think wizards will do or what you think the best option is. I’m curious to find out what others think on this situation.

Update (13:30 gmt 21/10/19): After looking at other peoples opinions I feel I missed something with my analysis. Nissa. While not in as many decks as other cards I’ve talked about Nissa has been a card that is worth talking about as it has been allowing green decks to accelerate their mana way quicker than they normally could. A ban on Nissa is more likely than Oko and would nerf decks that need a nerf. I could see it as another option wizards has for a ban but I still don’t think its the best ban they could do.

[foxgirlintestines]

The Recent Commander Banlist Changes:

I think in total the change was positive. I was pretty happy seeing the changes, but I then saw a lot of negative feedback to it from others, so this is my more explained take on the subject.

Paradox Engine Banned:

I’ve been advocating for this for a while. My common way to explain why I thought it was too powerful was “Its a 5 cost Omniscience.” What I meant by that is that since this format is dominated by fast mana that doesn’t come from lands most of the time Paradox Engine’s triggers tend to make more mana than whatever you are casting and in the end of it you most likely win from most positions. Thats how it ends up in casual commander which is why I did not like the card there. As soon as one trigger goes off teh game might have just ended, and even if the deck is not completely optimized its not hard to pull together some random cards that win when you have something very close to infinite mana. The rules commitee acknowledged that it just kind of fits in most decks and does problematic things. In cEDH the card is powerful but so is the rest of the format. If competitive decks are ever actually acknowledged by the Rules Committee there are other cards that are even stronger. Here is the difference though, Paradox Engine instead of just making your spells free is often the actual win-con. It allows you to generate infinite storm, draws, untaps ect to end the game in a combo of some sort. Thats the bar for a 5 cost card to be competitive. I personally do not like some of the decks it made though, as things like Paradox Sisay just basically tutor it with their general to go off and are kind of boring to me, but the other decks like Storm and PST can use it in really interesting ways. I think these decks can adapt without it and stilll be very powerful, so its loss to the non-linear decks isn’t that bad, though the decks that are dependant on it I are crushed. We still do have Dramatic Scepter, but now Scepter is a bit weaker as it doesn’t have redundancy and that means you have to be more careful in when you cast it to imprint something else. Painter’s Servant Unbanned: There are a lot of very interesting things this card can do. It empowers strange decks that care about colors like Jaya Ballard and can mess with hack cards and color requirement cards. It has a high ceiling for fun funky gameplay which is why I always thought it was a shame to be banned. It isn’t all upside though. A lot of cards function based on assumptions, one of those being “lands are colorless.” Painter’s Servant can turn OG Ugin into repeatable Armagheddons, Wash Out into Upheval, and some other not so savory locks. Thats the Casual side of it, it also has a combo with Grindstone that could be considered for Competitive games... just kidding. So here is the problem with Painter’s Servant Grindstone, its a 2 card combo neither of which are in the command zone and most importantly it only hits one player and mills them which can actually set off decks like Shuffle Hulk to instantly win or be negated by Memory’s Journey, or some reshuffle effect. You need some way to untap it 2 times, Have a Leyline of the Void in play, and 6 more mana to reuse it. Its the exact reason Helm-RiP isn’e a cEDH deck and that has less pieces. This combo is kind of a dick move in a casual game, but if its a common problem you have Eldrazi to just reshuffle. I only really see a cEDH deck somehow trying to make use of it to mill themselves, but with the cost of a 1 drop, a 2 drop, and an activation of 3 as well as all parts of the puzzle beign very easy to disrupt I just don’t see the reason why people are afraid of it.Even though you have to get past Summoning Sickness I think most players will still prefer Hermit Druid. Iona Banned: Huh? I guess? Good for them. This is where I see a lot of players are angry and I honestly am pretty indifferent to the card. I play Mono-Black. Its annoying, but thats why you run some colorless answers to it or use activated abilities ect. I actually used to fight it a lot when the format was younger and she was more popular. She can be a thorn in your side but its not impossible to deal with her  in a mono-color deck. That being said, the Rules Commitee actually made a good point (they have to eventually). She never makes for good gameplay. She is just kind of being a dick. Noone is happy to see Iona, and she can be cheated into play early enough before a mono-color deck has any real way to find its limited answers. There is no good defense for her. The only real true lock with her is with the unbanned Painter’s Servant, so she could be deemed as just a potential problem with no real value in keeping her around. But here is my beef with this ban. You can take all the sentiment about her beign unfun and no good reason to keep her unbanned and apply it to like 50 other cards. In terms of big fat creatures to cheat into play Razaketh often is an actual problematic card that is seeing more play than her. In terms of unfun we have Back to Basics and all of its friends that punishes players in similar ways of lockign them out of the game. With Urza introduced to Commander Winter Orb and other less restrictive resource denial plans are not more common and are much more easy to abuse than Iona. All the feels bad and gameplay that ends in sour feelings are rarely caused by Iona, but by cards like Expropriate, Tooth and Nail, Contamination... I just think Iona is a scapegoat to say “see we are doing something to help the fun of the format” without actually adressing the cards that should be considered more. There is one thign that kind of makes me optimistic though. If they adress things liek Iona as not really benefiting the format while overall creatign less than ideal gameplay maybe they will be more likely to handle more cards. A slim ban list isn’t always a good ban list, and maybe they should reconsider things that are fun though a bit meta warping like Primeval Titan to be ok, while things that have a large outcry against be more deserving of those spots.

[pyrogenetic]

--{What do you have.

(( Disclaimer: this was written in 2013, and takes place even before saro’s blog was made, and given a few edits to make it less horrifying to read but was mostly left in its original state. I deleted it previously on accident but wanted to put it back on saro’s blog because it was an important turning point for her character. so here you go! ))

You had no concept of humanity.

What was the point? That was all you could really think, watching him, sitting there, useless, the both of you in that filthy alleyway as he withered away. It’d been three days since he came through that portal with you. Three days since you’d dragged him from that hellish wasteland of silence and metal trees, introduced yourself, and got told that unless you found some way to awaken him, to give him some humanity, he wouldn’t live. He’d die as a pitiful husk. You still didn’t understand what that meant. What humanity, exactly? The kind you didn’’t have? Why you. Why now. Why him, a sliver of a barely living being slumped in front of you in that rainy, dank alley.

“Wake the fuck up! Come on, sunshine! Give me something, you pissant!” That’s what you’d screamed at him. It was in hopes that he’d maybe get up to at least fucking move out of the rain, so you didn’t have to carry him back before he caught his death.

He replied with more silence. Of course.

He was pallid, and monochrome, with long hair down to his skinny ass. He’s nothing but grey. He’s literally colorless. That’s what Bandas had said he’d look like. Until you did something about it. But what? You’d tried everything you know, you’d tried hugging him, albeit very reluctantly, and feeding him, and he just sat there hour after fucking hour with that same, mocking frown on his face and that same lifeless grey veil that covered him head to toe. His skin was chill to the bone. He wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, wouldn’t talk. Hell, he barely even moved half the time, and you’d have to check to make sure he was still breathing.

What were you supposed to do? What did he want from you? This had gone on for three days. Since you dragged him by the wings out of that weird realm. The last thing he did was fight you. Nearly killed you actually, before he apparently decided to give up, and became the catatonic piece of shit that sat around with no purpose and no will to live in front of you. But, you couldn’t let him die. That would go against your personal policy. Starvation and dehydration were the worst ways to die in your opinion, you’d rather not see that happen.

So even now, as he’d pressed himself against the wall of the alley in the pouring rain, you felt something odd twist inside your stomach. It burned, in a dull, aching way. It felt like pity, but a deeper version of it. A kind that’d made you want to weep for him. Sympathy, perhaps? That was new. Not very pleasant either. You weren’t sure you wanted to experience this new feeling very much. Snapping out of your thoughts, you glared back at the sad sap on the ground before you.

“Enough screwing around, fuckass! Time to smell the fucking coffee! Get up! Come on!” You leaned down in his face, yelling again, your voice echoing against the damp walls of the empty alley. This time, you noticed minute response. A twitch of his nose as if he tried to snivel. Nice, so he’s a crybaby, too.

You took the opportunity to kneel in front of him. No response to that. Not a thing from him. Of course not. You took his face tenderly in your hands, being mindful of your claws.

--And you hit him smack in the mouth.

Nothing. That didn’t work at all, in fact it looked like the wanker bit his tongue too hard and it’d started bleeding. Great. You cursed to yourself as you opened his fanged mouth to check inside. It wasn’t too severe, a bite against the side of his cheek. Boo-hoo, he’d get over it. Maybe. Hopefully.

You were starting to think the tough approach isn’t going to work. What else could you do though? What else can you do. This was all you knew. You knew pain. Pain is human enough, right? Apparently not. Your panic wasn’t getting better. You didn’t want him to die. You really weren’t sure why, but you didn’t. You felt as if he died, something in you would die alongside him. You didn’t know what that something was, it might be something important like your liver, so you should really fix him. How? a voice echoed in your head.

You grew increasingly desperate as the rain soaked you to the core the longer you stood out in it like an idiot, shouting at this pathetic husk that couldn’t even feed himself. It was the brand of desperate that can only be described by the words that run through your head over and over. Bad bad bad bad bad. Don’t die don’t die don’t die don’t die. How do you teach someone to be human? How do you teach them to be something that you so clearly were not?

How do you teach a person to be alive?

The rain began to pour harder as you leaned forward to do the most primal thing that came to you instinctually, even as an abomination of nature. You wrapped your arms around this drenched, sad creature. You tried to bury your face in his clammy shoulder which, like the rest of him, was cold as hell. The only reason it’s bare was because the clothes you chose for him practically fell off with how big they were against his thin figure. You stayed like that for a while. How long? That was between you and the rain. Your eyes started to sting a little during that time, though you weren’t sure why. Slowly, you realized your embrace was really doing nothing, even after you sat there and squeezed tighter. The only thing that greeted you in response was a tiny rasp of breath when you constricted him. Well. At least he’s breathing.

Finally, you loosened your grip. You pulled away only to realize there’s something warm, and moist bubbling up in your eyes. Your hand reached up to wipe some of it away, registering the liquid as tears instead of really weird rain that hit your eyes without you noticing.

Tears. Crying. You were crying.

Crying is human, right?

You followed the next logical course of action. You took some of those tears that were now making their way down your cheeks and mingling with the downpour, and you smudged them unceremoniously on the sides of his face. Very subtle. That should work, right? It has to. You’re tired. You being tired means this game is over, you’ve won, or have to win. You always won. If you don’t, everyone else loses because you quit and there can be no winner that’s not you. However, nothing was happening. He was still unresponsive. The only thing that’d changed was the fact he had your disgusting tears on his cheeks. That had to have worked. It had to, it wasn’t allowed not to from the minute you figured out you were crying. Yet, there he sat. What do you do? What could you do?

You had nothing else.

Now, you got angry again. It was an anger that made your throat clench, made you cry more, too, you noticed, as more tears started to prick your eyes in the same unfamiliar way. He should wake the fuck up already. Game’s over, bucko, you thought, unable to push the words through your strangled vocal chords. You needed to win now. You didn’t lose. You couldn’t lose. Except.

You had.

You’d lost because this was one game you couldn’t cheat, lie, or burn your way out of. You’d lost because all you were was a monster who couldn’t give anyone something of emotional or sentimental worth. Even this scrappy, unfeeling asshole could see that under all that fucking hair of his, that’s why he wasn’t responding. He knew what you were. The epiphany came to you as you grew more and more frustrated. You screeched and tugged at your ears so hard that the pain it brought shocked you out of your thoughts for a moment.

And you stopped. You sagged down where you were kneeling on the dirty, muddy ground. At that point you couldn’t care less about your clothes. Or his clothes. Or anyone’s clothes for that matter. You hoped this rain fucked over everyone without an umbrella, in fact. Right now, you wanted to cry like a child. The child you really were, deep down. You were crying like a child, actually. Your nose began running as you gazed up at him again with eyes that definitely weren’t wet from the rain. Your hand rose in a very deliberate motion to touch his cheek with just the tips of your tiny, sharpened claws. Finally, you whispered something you never thought you’d hear come out of your own mouth.

“I’m sorry.”

It came out cracked, and weak. It sounded very bizarre coming from you. However, there was an unmistakable tone of defeat in it. You knew when you’d been beaten. It’s about time, you thought, with your ass sliding to the ground. You pulled your knees to your chest. You hid your face in your hands like a mourning statue. A dreadful kind of shame filled you. You’d failed. This was how failure tasted. Knowing that you could kill without a second glance, and the one time you’d wanted to save someone, you’d failed. You destroyed. Not mended. Not helped. Destroyed. That was that.

Man, failure tasted gross.

There was no sound as you retreated into yourself. Even the rain seemed muffled around you. You sat there, your mind blank, next to a dying person. Not the first time that’d happened, though admittedly it’d never happened quite like this. The sadness inside you welled, a fresh batch of tears spilling over your cheeks. It was a profound sense of sorrow, strong enough that it was nearly warm, a hot feeling of shame in your stomach. You were so wrapped up in your grief, you didn’t see the strange light that silently flowed from you to the almost lifeless form across from you. The light flickered out as quickly as it came, with you none the wiser. It was followed by a brief shuffling noise, and something that sounded like someone gasping quietly, as if it was the first breath they’d taken in a very long time.

You elected to ignore the noises, too withdrawn at this point to pick yourself up and look. It grew silent again. Whoever had made the noise before seemed to say something, though you couldn’t tell what it was, or if it was even talking or not, but they promptly ceased. Then, something warm extended to you to touch your shoulder. It elicited an involuntary shiver from you. If that person killed you then and there, you probably deserved it. You didn’t fight back, despite your instincts screaming at you to try. The touching didn’t stop, but it didn’t start to hurt either. In fact, you heard more shuffling and there was more warmth touching you, holding you. It embraced you until you didn’t even feel the rain anymore, just the warmth of that stranger against you. Your mind made itself up for you, and your weary face lifted itself from the shroud of your hands to find an unfamiliar visage smiling back at it.

“Hello there, miss. My name is Markiin. Allow me to extend my sincerest apologies for keeping you waiting.”

[blooblooded]

Clouds Gather Before A Storm

I still am having trouble writing. Anyways, this is pretty explicitly about how Esther’s monster goes hand in hand with Esther’s anger. I also remembered what a completely terrible person Lee is because he has literally zero morals and will cross any line. 

Esther is a weird person to write about because she is simultaneously so hot and cold. She’s smart so she is almost able to catch on to Lee, she’s just missing key information.

#

That evening, Esther was stirred from her contemplation by the sound of a raised voice. Not shouting, never shouting, as that would be beneath the station of the family. But still loud enough for her to notice all the way from her room on the second floor. Stern and cold and disapproving.

For once, it was not directed towards her.

She uncurled herself from her position in bed, where she had been since she got home from school. She had been thinking about something but could no longer recall it. Her thoughts were muddled and blurred as of late, a side effect of her new medication. It dulled her mind and made her slow; she could lose long chunks of time by staring at the wall and zoning out. But she was no longer so angry. Well, no longer as angry.

She did not think she would ever stop being angry.

As a black sheep, she enjoyed it when she was not the target of Mother’s displeasure. Or perhaps enjoyed was not the right description. Whenever she witnessed Dad on the receiving end of those strange, cold moods Esther would get a sick feeling and her big hands would clench up of their own accord. It was the same feeling of helplessness and nausea she used to get back when Ben Prospas was bullying Kip and she recognized it as the urge to protect someone unable to protect themselves. It was different with her little brother and sister, since sometimes she wished they would screw up more often so that some of the pressure was taken off of her. Still she did not like to see the fear on them either.

Esther loped out of her bedroom, which was in disarray as usual. Unmade bed. Clothes on the floor. She could not keep up with it, no matter how hard she tried.

Behind her, low to the ground, crawled her constant companion. Unseen by most, it never left her side for long. When she was a child it had been small and less terrifying, with its 6 legs and stag’s head. Every year it grew larger and every year it grew more...monstrous. The black gelatinous flesh had melted from its head to leave a white skull with white horns. Its feet resembled human hands with jagged claws. It was always silent, except for at night when it would keep her up with its jumbled chattering.

The rest of her house was very unlike her room. It was pristine, utilitarian, made of stainless steel and white marble. Esther’s long legs carried her down the steps two at a time and then into the kitchen, where most family arguments take place.

She paused at the doorway. The kitchen was much like the rest of the house; sparse and joyless. Kassidy’s kitchen was much better even though it was smaller. At least you could tell people ate together there. The Bellamy kitchen had white walls, a small pantry, an ever unstocked refrigerator, and a metal table with five metal chairs. Her brother and sister were sitting in the chairs and Mother stood with her arms crossed.

It was hard to tell when Mother was angry. Her skin was usually colorless and she rarely changed her neutral expression. With Kassidy’s mom it was easy, since she would get all sweaty and begin to shout at whoever had provoked her (usually Kip). Esther had only really seen Mother furious once before, and it took all of 3 seconds for her to deduce that this time would be a repetition of that.

Her brother had a bandage on his nose, a cut on his lower lip, and speckles of blood down the front of his yellow shirt. He avoided eye contact with Mother and did not react when Esther came into the kitchen. In the chair beside him sat Evangeline, who was unscathed but trembling.

Esther felt her skin grow hot with fury. The hair on her arms and the back of her stood up from the static electricity her body manufactured when her emotions got out of control.

The creature raised its bone-white head to sniff the air, the way it always did when it was around blood. She always got the distinct feeling that it wanted human blood, that it was hungry for it. It left Esther’s side to crawl beneath the table and curl up there.

“Are you OK?” Esther asked, rushing up to stand beside Mother.

Eddie raised his eyes so that he could look at his sister and shrugged.

Mother put a hand on Esther’s shoulder and got shocked as the static discharged itself. She was still in her white coat from work. It was frightening to see her so angry: her complexion had turned blood red, her teeth were clenched, and a vein had popped out in her forehead. “Esther,” she said, much louder than her whispery usual volume. “Good. Perhaps you can get these two to tell me what happened after tutoring this afternoon because I can’t get a word out of either of them. Somebody hit your brother and broke his nose. I want to know who so that I can properly deal with that person.”

It was bad news when Mother acted like she was on the same side as Esther, just like it was bad news when she didn’t misgender Eddie. She was never nice, so when she acted like a real mom, it was hard to react.

“Where’s Dad?” He was the one who went to the Education District and picked the twins up after tutoring every Monday afternoon, since he taught piano up there on that day.

“Your father was there when whatever this was happened and it sent him into one of his fits. He’s up in the bedroom recovering, but he’ll have lost the memories of the last two weeks and a great deal of fine motor skills,” said Mother. She turned her attention back to the twins. “Will you tell your sister what happened?”

There was some reason that the two of them weren’t snitching. Perhaps to protect somebody.  At first Esther’s mind went to their friend Rome. He seemed nice and polite on the outside, but she had seen the angry way he talked to his goofy bodyguard and she had seen the way he had once shoved his little brother. There was violence inside of him. But then she looked at the way Evangeline was shivering and knew that it was somebody else. They were both legitimately scared of the repercussions of snitching on this person.

Esther’s right hand clenched into a fist.

Mother’s mind was on the same track. “Are you trying to protect somebody?” she asked them. “It won’t do any good, I always find out.”

“No,” Eddie said sullenly. He picked at the bandage on his nose and winced.

Mother’s mind went to the place it always went to. “Did Christopher Nguyen do this? Did that boy hit you? You know I always say he has a mean streak in him, you don’t have to protect him.”

“No! It was just-- it was just a fight.”

“A fight?” Mother asked angrily. “A fight with who? You think you have to be tough and get into fights now? You don’t have to do that. Boys don’t have to fight, you’ve picked that up from Christopher as well. You don’t have to be like him.”

The creature under the table purred through the exposed vertebrate in its neck. It liked conflict. It loved unhappiness. But it loved anger most of all. The more negativity it was around, the happier it seemed to become, if it could even experience happiness. There were others like it all over Eden, but they seemed small and weak in comparison. They were less solid and they cringed away when Esther passed.

As usual when pressed with conflict with Mother, the twins turned to wheedling and manipulation  instead of fighting back like Esther always did. They were smarter than she was in that way. “My face hurts and my teeth hurt,” Eddie whined pitifully. “I just want some ice cream and to go to bed.” He actually stood up and hugged Mother, as if he needed comforting. That was a good move. She stiffly hugged him back, unused to it.

It was obscene to watch Mother show physical affection and Esther looked away. “I need to cool off anyway,” said Mother as she mechanically unwound her arms from the awkward embrace. “I will go to the store and expect the three of you will feel perfectly comfortable chatting in my absence. But when I return, I also expect to hear a name.”

The Bellamy siblings watched as she gathered her things and walked away in her sensible shoes. They said nothing until the heard the quiet click of the front door opening and closing.

Esther found herself able to breathe again but could not unclench her fist. She looked from her brother to her sister. “Who did it?” she asked simply. She did not care about repercussions, she wanted to hurt somebody. It was a good thing she could not see her own face because she knew that it was flushed with hot blood. Her stomach was twisting with nausea. The sickness and anger cut through the stupor from her meds, and she did not want to know what she would do if she did not have that to temper her.

Still, they did not answer her. As she grew angrier, Esther could feel her shoulder length hair develop flyaways that rose into the air from her static. If she was not careful, her body would continue to generate its unnatural electricity. “Who did it?”

Evangeline said, “Marty was right,” in a shaky voice. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around. Despite her aggression, she was fragile on the inside.

“What do you mean Marty was right?” Esther demanded. She had never taken a liking to Ayda’s long distance friend like everybody else had. Like Ayda, he had a tendency to stir up drama. And all the younger children got on her nerves. “What does Marty--” Then she froze as she put the pieces together.

Lee Harlan.

Green electricity crackled up Esther’s arm. She slammed her fist down on the table. The twins flinched away and Evangeline screamed and hid her face. Beneath the table, the creature purred, twisting black tendrils of its body up..

“Tell me what happened,” she ordered her brother through her rage.

Eddie cringed back from her. “W-we went to the Music Center to find Dad since he forgot to come get us after tutoring. He was in one of those private rooms he teaches lessons in. And Lee was in there, like sitting beside Dad on the bench and goofing around pretending to play. He started to get weird and was saying sexual stuff to make Dad uncomfortable, you know, like how he says stuff to Marty to make him uncomfortable. And he wouldn’t get his hands off him. I just got so angry and wanted to make him shut up so I gave him a little shove to make him back off Dad, and I said some stuff too.” He paused. “I guess I shouldn’t have said that stuff, you know, about how people like us are better than people like him.”

It was clear that he did not want to talk about the violent aspect of what had happened, so Evangeline took over. She kept hugging her knees. “He didn’t even react at first, his eyes just went kind of blank and he took off his scarf and slowly wrapped it around his hand. And then he punched Eddie in the face, paused, then hit him two more times until he fell down. We were screaming, Dad was having a fit, and Lee calmly walked out.”

Esther’s head pounded. She thought about what kind of adult man punches a 14 year old child. She thought about how Lee had been hanging out with all of them for months. She wanted to punch somebody herself but had to swallow it down.

“Marty was right,” she repeated from behind clenched teeth. She wondered if she looked like Mother in her anger. “Of course Marty was right.” He had been saying that Lee was a creep ever since he first laid eyes on him. He had warned them all over and over again that he was a weirdo for the way that he was always touching Kip, and that he made Rome uncomfortable. Nobody had listened to Marty-- of course they didn’t. Who was the more interesting companion: the chunky 13 year old who lived hundreds of miles away or the cool college guy who could buy them beer? Everybody had laughed at Marty and made fun of him.

What else had Lee done? Was Marty right about everything? Esther was so blinded and blissed out by her new relationship with Rosaline that she had not been as perceptive as she should have been.

“I don’t want to hang out with the Nguyens anymore if Lee is going to be there,” said her brother. The adrenaline or the pain was affecting him because he showed no signs of his usual drowsiness. “I don’t think any of us should be around him.”

“Agreed,” said Esther.

“You’re not going to do anything bad to him tomorrow, are you?” asked Evangeline, whose green eyes were still bright with fear. “We didn’t want Mother to find out. Remember what she did when Ben Prospas hurt your arm?”

A strange theme. Mother only ever seemed to care about her creations when one of them was damaged. It was another reminder that she viewed them as her intellectual property first, her children second.

Esther unclenched her right fist. She tried to clench the left, but it was harder due to the damage done to the nerves of her arm when she had been mutilated 5 years previously. Her fingers were stiff and a constant memory of the last time she confronted someone violent. “I’m not going to do anything bad,” she lied. “Nothing nearly as bad as Mother is going to do to Lee when she finds out.”

Beneath the table, the creature raised its head as if it was looking right at her.

#

That night, she told Rosaline the disturbing turn of events. It was 2am, and she doubted that she would sleep at all. Her girlfriend attempted to stay up with her over her communication device.

“Do you think Lee did that on purpose?” Rosie asked her. The blue hologram of her face was tired, her eyelids drooping. She was so good-looking and, well, handsome, that Esther’s heart fluttered just seeing her.

“Of course he did it on purpose.”

“No, not like that. I mean, now that I’m thinking about it, doesn’t it kind of feel like he might want us to all get pissed off at Kip so that he’s isolated and alone?”

Esther was frustrated that Rosie would be concerned over Kip when he wasn’t the one who had been punched in the face. “I am pissed at Kip,” she said, a bit snappishly. “And I do want him to be alone. He is so stupid.”

In the months to come, she would think back on this conversation often.

The creature chattered from under her bed. To her it sounded like it was trying to speak.

#

The next morning, Esther went to school alone. She dressed in khaki pants, instead of her normal dress, and tied her hair up out of her face. She did not want to look pretty, she wanted to look serious. Because she had not slept at all that night, she had a lot of time to contemplate exactly what she was going to do and say. Cold anger was better than hot, reactive anger.

Somewhere around 4am, she had pulled up the student association newspaper on her tablet in order to read some of the articles Lee wrote and they had disturbed her enough to keep her from closing her eyes.

She had taken her medication that morning. But she almost hadn’t.

The Education District was a vast space in the Mid Levels, so Esther took the metro down from her home on the Surface. That time of the morning was rush hour and she was jostled by the bodies of other students. She stood near the door and kept her eyes down. Most of the kids traveling down on her train were deeply unpleasant. Ayda and Casey rode this route. If they saw her, they would try to talk to her, which Esther would not be able to handle that particular morning.

She had left the creature behind; it rarely got on the train but somehow it always followed her down. Maybe it crawled through the spaces in the Colony’s foundation like one of the huge mutated rats that lived in the Lower Levels. Maybe it moved through the metro tunnels, using its claws to support its bulk.

Around her, other high school kids gossipped and laughed. Esther wondered if any of them had to deal with adults who were freaks. She stared at her reflection in the train’s glass door; the purple circles beneath her eyes and her grim expression.

Kip and Kassidy were waiting for her outside the District entrances, the way they always did. She saw them before they saw her. Kip looked a little worse every day, his clothing rumpled and his skin feverish. He was not sleeping anymore either, but for different reasons. His buggy eyes were bright and he gesticulated wildly as he talked incessantly to his sister. Kassidy just stood there and watched him, nodding or laughing occasionally. She tried to look pretty these days because of Casey Agapama’s influence, but that was just sad. Kassidy would never be pretty. It was not in her nature.

People were born a certain way. There were certain things that could not change. In Esther’s mind, the argument between Nature and Nurture was clear: Nature won out every time. Much of a person’s life was written in stone from the moment they were conceived, which meant that some people were naturally meant to have the upper hand.

She was supposed to be one of those people.

Esther squared her shoulders and marched towards the Nguyens. Just seeing Kip made her angry, but she kept that inside of her. “Hey!” she said loudly, as she approached.

Kip turned, completely oblivious. He smiled with all his sharp teeth. “Esther!” he said, happy to see her.

She walked up and shoved him. It wasn’t a planned thing, she didn’t even realize she was doing it. It was an impulse that she followed without thinking, a violent whim that she was unfortunately controlled by. Kip stumbled back. She wanted to shove him again and knock him down, but chose not to. At least that part of herself she could control.

“What the hell?” Kip demanded. He was unsteady on his feet. The boots he wore were too big. “What did I do?”

Kassidy stared stupidly at Esther.

Esther smiled at Kip fiercely, which she knew was worse than any other expression she could manage. Smiling did not suit her and was unnatural to see on her face. “Your boyfriend hit my brother yesterday,” she told him, getting directly to the point. No way around it. “Did you know he was violent? Everything Marty said about him is true, I think, and you kept bringing him around all of us. Tell me whether you knew he was violent.”

Kip flushed and drew himself up. His green army jacket, patched at the elbows and ragged at the collar, was rumpled. “Boyfriend? You’re talking about Lee? Lee is a pacifist, Lee would never hurt anybody. One of his biggest beliefs is nonviolent resistance. What are you talking about? What’s going on, what are you talking about? What are you talking about?”

“I think I was clear,” she said bitterly. “Pacifist, no; I think we both know that isn’t true. Last night I finally read some of those articles he’s always bragging about having written and to me his views seemed obvious.”

“Lee would never hurt anyone!”

“I just told you that he hit my brother, who is ten years younger than he is. He broke his nose. Do you think I’m lying to you?

She had known him for so long, it was easy for her to tell when he was upset enough to go into a rage or a crying jag. The repetitive, uncontrolled movements of his pupils became more severe and he started to shake.

Kassidy looked up at Esther, silent, her small brown face troubled. Even she was not so dull as to not put the pieces together. Her eyebrows furrowed. “What?” she asked. “What do you mean? Is Eddie OK?”

Esther shrugged tersely. “Doing better than Lee is going to be.”

Kip was shaking his head. “No,” he said. “This is all Marty. He hates Lee and I don’t understand why. He’s been saying all those things, digging up old Juvie records, anything he can do to stir up problems. He’s got the other kids all upset and believing him, it’s all an elaborate charade. So something must have happened because of that. The twins, even Rome, they’re playing along with Marty’s game. That’s what’s happening, yeah, that’s what’s happening. Eddie probably just got in a fight and decided to blame it on Lee. You can calm down Esther, I’ve figured it out now.”

It would have been easy to strike him then. She wanted to when he told her that. But that would not have been right. It was finally clear to her how sick he was, and not just because of his shaking hands and his feverish eyes. He was manic and he had been for months. It would keep getting worse. He needed help.

But she would not be the one to help him.

“Fuck you,” she said as coldly and deliberately as she could muster. It surprised her how well she could control her rage, less than 24 hours since it had bloomed in her. It was part of her nature, revealing itself in the way she had struck the table the night before.“There’s something wrong with you. I’m not your friend if you’re going to keep defending that guy, there are lines I don’t cross.”

For a moment Kip looked the way he used to when he was 10 and about to cry. Then he inhaled sharply and gave Esther the nastiest look he was capable of giving her, the sort usually reserved for people he believed to be true scum. With that, he turned and stalked away with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets and his shoulders drawn up to his ears. He disappeared in the crowd of other students.

“Oh my god,” said Kassidy miserably. “What is happening?”

Esther could not expect Kassidy to choose sides between her brother and her best friend but expected that her stubborn heart would figure it out before things came to a head. Whatever her internal beliefs were, her chip, with its ability to access every floor in the Education District, was of more imminent importance. “I need you to get me into the college floors. I’m skipping homeroom this morning.”

“You’re not going to do anything crazy are you?”

“What would you do?” Esther snapped, and Kassidy flinched. “I’m not going to hurt anyone, even though it’s all I can think about right now. I just want to talk. I just want to make some suggestions.”

Kassidy rubbed her face, forgetting that she was wearing make-up. “This is just like the Ben situation all over, I can’t do this again.”

Out of the corner of her peripheral vision, Esther saw the creature that always followed her. It crept lazily through the various groups of students. Sometimes it would pause to sniff the air. Kassidy was oblivious to its approach. It stood next to Esther and reared up on its back 4 legs so that it could see over the crowds and its long black tail lashed back and forth.

“No,” said Esther as she glanced at it and thought about the likelihood of it attacking her if she resorted to violence.“This is nothing like dealing with Ben, he was only a bully. This is something I’m much more worried about.”

#

It was easy to track Lee down, once Esther was up on the college floors. After all, the student association paper listed his part time office hours. He worked for until 11am on Tuesdays, helping tutor his peers and doing research.

She fit in well enough on the college floors, with her height it was easy for her to pass as a Freshman. Mother had engineered her and her siblings to hit their growth spurts early because she wanted them all to mature as quickly as possible. Esther had entered puberty at 11. The values of certain families were evident in what they asked for in their genetically altered children.

The student association paper’s offices were located in an area which contained many college organizations. Esther passed by doors for the student council, internship programs, and tech support. College seemed far more free-ing than high school, there were no angry teachers patrolling the hallways, eager to land people in detention or worse. Often Esther felt like school wasn’t that much better than prison, but then she also felt as if her homelife wasn’t much better than prison. When she went to college would things get better?

Fantasizing about the future did not serve her. Esther found the offices she was searching for and let herself inside. In the front, there was a small waiting area and a big front desk. Behind the waiting area was a number of cubicles, behind them, a few doors.

“Hello,” the mousy girl who sat behind the front desk said.

“Hello,” Esther replied. “I’m looking for my friend who works here, Lee Harlan. Could you get him for me?”

The front desk girl smiled. “Oh, isn’t he great? I’ll see if I can get him.” She stood up and scurried off. Esther’s lips tightened.

Static electricity was making her hair stand up again and she had to smooth it back down into her ponytail. If Esther was the sort to pray, she would have prayed that she would be able to keep herself under control. But as an atheist, the only being she had to rely on in such matters was herself and her own willpower.

Beside her, the creature panted. Although its head was nothing but bone, its flat-toothed jaw could open so that a dagger shaped black tongue could extend from it. Its constant presence simultaneously frightened her and calmed her. It would keep her from lashing out; she did not want to mess up her other arm.

The front desk girl brought Lee from one of the back rooms. If he was surprised to see Esther, he did not show it. He smiled at her crookedly as he walked up to her.

“I thought you had another 3 months before you graduated,” he told her, joking like they were friends. He took off the stupid glasses he had to use in order to read and beneath them his sly bearded face did not betray what he was thinking. “How’d you get up here?”

Esther’s blood ran hot at the sight of him but she forced herself to remain a frigid statue. Her gaze was drawn down to his hands as if she expected them to be damaged in some way. “Would you like to go somewhere private?” she asked.

“Uh-oh,” Lee laughed, which made Esther want to kill him. “Sure, we could go back into an office.” He paused, cocked his head to one side. Then, sincerely, he said, “That is, if you feel comfortable being alone with me.”

She had to clench her teeth to keep from reacting to that. Such a snide thing to say, taken directly from Marty’s mouth. Marty had complained over and over again over Lee’s propensity for finding himself alone with Kassidy or Kip or any of them. Everyone had laughed it off or ignored him. Now Lee used it as a jokey little threat.

The anger rose up inside of her and she could feel her body’s electricity waiting to be released. Be like Mother, she told herself. Be carved out of cold marble. She could see the creature taste the air with its black tongue. The dagger shape of it split into two like a snake’s.

She knew Lee could see it too. Of course he had abilities, some psychic tendencies like Ayda did. What else could explain the way a relatively smart group of teenagers could ignore so many warning signs? Marty was not affected because he was not physically there.

“I feel perfectly comfortable,” Esther replied.

He lead her to one of the back offices. It was a cramped room only large enough for a desk and a chair. The light above was dimmed so as not to hurt the eyes of anyone working inside. Esther walked inside and Lee shut the door behind her. They were alone.

She was not afraid of him, even though he was a man 6 years older than she was. There were much worse things than him in Eden, and one of those things slept beneath her bed every night. Esther understood that she had been created to be better than he was. Despite her suspicions about his nature, she knew that he must be a weak person and a coward. His true threat lay in the way he was so comfortable in manipulating people and warping the truth.

Outside, the creature clawed at the door.

Lee took a seat. He sat with his shoulders relaxed and his legs crossed. The skinny jeans he was wearing were cropped to expose his ankles. He dressed in such a careful, dapper way that he had to be compensating for other aspects of his life. The smile on his face remained sincere but there was something off in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Surely you didn’t get Kassidy to let you up into the college, breaking about 5 different rules, just to come see me?”

Of course he would deny everything. She did not want to waste her time by launching into accusations that might make her emotional. She regarded him with cool contempt but was betrayed by the flush in her face. All of a sudden she was aware of her posture and the way she slumped her broad shoulders. How was she supposed to be standing? She had never attempted to intimidate anyone before. Mimicking Casey’s bullying techniques might be her best bet, but Esther chose to continue aping Mother. Cold as stone.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with you all night,” she said. Lee’s eyebrows raised and his crooked smile grew. “At first I thought you were some kind of pervert, since I’m positive you’ve been doing things with Kip and you get so defensive whenever Marty calls you a creep. Then I thought you might just be a bully who gets off on screwing with people who are weaker than you, like high school kids and people like my Dad. But those possibilities didn’t explain everything. So I finally read the stuff you’ve been publishing and it made more sense. You have some interesting ideas, some really radical ideas about society. Especially when it comes to what you perceive as unfair.”

Lee laughed out loud. The electricity inside of Esther was coursing throughout her body. She had expected him to make fun of her but had not physically prepared herself for it. The scratching outside the door grew louder.

It would have felt good to hurt him, just to get the smug look off his face.

“You’re right, I do get fired up about things that are unfair,” said Lee. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin resting in his hands. His position put him far beneath Esther, who was 5’10” and standing. “But I don’t understand what’s going on here or what you think I’ve done.”

He knew what he had done, he was just trying to get her to spell it out for him.

“You broke my brother’s nose last night,” she told him. She said this as if she was talking about someone else, as if she was recounting a story that she heard. “You’ve traumatized my little siblings and made my father have a fit.”

“That’s a serious allegation.” Lee’s smile dropped. “If I did what you say I did, I would think that the police would be involved by now.”

“Oh, something worse than the police is going to happen to you once my Mother finds out,” Esther said and the ice in her voice grew. “Eventually. But I’m not done.” She crossed her arms across her chest. “The way you interact with Rome Prospas is weird, he gets anxious just being around you. You’ve always ignored Ayda but with Casey you make all these pointed jokes towards her, which bounce right off because she’s so narcissistic she thinks you’re complimenting her. I think you hate people who are genetically modified.”

Something flashed across Lee’s eyes but it came and went before Esther could figure it out. It was hard for her to categorize emotions anyways.

“Wow,” said Lee. He stood up. “I tell you what, Esther; that’s a crazier theory than anything Marty has ever came up with. It would be easier for you to believe I was a pervert or a bully. I hate unequal social dynamics, I don’t hate Artificials. I had a sister who was Artificial, she looked a lot like you.” The smile returned to his face, a bit nostalgic and far-away.

If Lee’s parents had been unable to even afford braces to straighten his teeth, they would not have been able to spend 100,000 credits on creating a child. The comment was unsettling.

“So you deny everything?” she asked, and she shook off her disturbing intuition in order to return to the facts before her.

“Do I deny that I hit a child? Oh, definitively because that’s insane. I would never do something like that.”

“And you deny that you hate Artificials?”

“The only thing I hate is unfairness.”

Esther looked at him and the way he was smirking at her. He knew she knew that he was everything she said he was. He was probably everything Marty said he was too, but their minds were in very different spheres. That meant that Kip was in danger, somehow, because of his involvement with him. This was a man who was capable of violence and had to control himself. She knew because she was also capable of violence. But she was not like him, she chose not to be.

Once more, she glanced at Lee’s hands. He had clenched them into fists.

When he caught her looking at them, he unclenched them.

If he recognized the rush of fury that Esther bit down in that moment, he did not show it. The creature whined and scratched at the door as it sensed it. Even her teeth were hot, and she was sure her face was beet red. The scars on her bad arm tingled. She forced herself to be like marble. If she did anything to him, even though he deserved it and she was justified, she would regret it. If she hit him, if she screamed, if she shocked him, something bad would happen.

On the rare occasions that she did sleep, she always dreamed of being ripped to bloody shreds by the creature. It had almost happened when she attacked Ben, as if it was inextricably connected to her rage.

She remembered a platitude about revenge, and the temperature at which it is best served at.

“OK,” she said with finality and with her hand on the doorknob. “That’s all I needed.”

He laughed again. “You’re not going to threaten me?”

“I already told you: something terrible is going to happen to you when my Mother finds out. She practically buried the kid who hurt me and I’m her least favorite child. I can’t imagine what will happen to you. She’s not nearly as understanding as I am, all she’s going to see is inferior genetic scum who assaulted a 14 year old she spent months designing. She’ll want to castrate you and stick needles in your brain and peel off all of your skin.”

As satisfying as it would have been to see him finally react to that, Esther looked away. She was done with him. She had her answers, he was not worth anything else. Her head was held up high and she opened the door and left.

She had been in control of herself the entire time. She could do it. It was hard but she could do it. It was not necessary for her to always live in fear of losing herself.

The creature had been waiting for her. Its oozing body shifted and bubbled as it approached. The soft vocalizations it made sounded more and more like words with each day that passed. It raised its horned head so that it was at the same level as her shoulders. Its first set of legs lifted off of the ground and it rubbed its clawed hands together.

Esther reached out and touched it on the top of its skull. To anyone else, it would have looked like she was holding her hand in the empty air.

“Not today,” she said.

The empty black holes where its eye sockets were seemed to glimmer with understanding.

[mowu-moment]

Mob Rule: Broodmate Dragon

My name is Mowu, and I hate rules. As a Gruul, anyone telling me what to do is just trying to distract me from smashing them. I will smash them anyways! However, if there is a rule that lets me ignore the other rules, perhaps I can get behind that.

Welcome to Mob Rule, a blogpost/article series about Rule Zero commanders, a unique(ly bad) deck tech around them, and what legendary creatures to substitute for them if the lawmages get too much on our backs.

But first, what makes a good Rule Zero commander?

Of course, a Rule Zero commander can be whatever the fire in your heart tells you to follow, but just because we're rioters doesn't mean we're stupid. Since Rule Zero requires everyone else at the table to accept your leader, we ideally don't want to follow someone too scary, as much fun as blinking Magister Sphinx a few times may be. We also want someone of actual interest to build around, and one that isn't too easily replicated by an 'official' commander.

For the preliminary search, I looked at either legends that can turn into creatures (like Vehicles or Genju), three-color creatures, or legendary acorn creatures, and pulled out a dozen or so that I could work on. Of them, though, only one really sparked my color-bending frenzy, which is the one I'll be talking about today.

A Province Burns

A Dragon with a juicy ETB? Now that's something! As my later Scryfall searches proved, the Dragon tribe certainly isn't sleeping on ETB effects, ranging from 'good value engine' to 'downright game-winning', as Dragons tend to do. However, there's only a half-dozen or so Dragons like this, and six cards does not a deck make. We could go full-sale into the Dragon tribe and end up with a fairly standard Jund deck, or... we could get weird with it.

The Big Bad Beast is Back Again...

Black affords us some flicker-esque options, namely 'sacrificing a creature to return another one'--or in Blood for Bone's case, return the same creature to the field. Now Broodmate Dragon can get herself a whole polycule! And, y'know, make a fairly good wage in Treasure with Ganax or Rapacious Dragon, or dive waist-deep in dungeons with Stirring Bard, what have you. The death triggers won't matter so much in this build, but they'll occasionally get an extra ETB with Boneyard Scourge and Bladewing's Thrall.

There are a few solid options for colorless flicker-for-real as well, namely in Voyager Staff, Conjurer's Closet, Golden Argussy Argosy, and Sword of Hearth and Home.

...And She Won't Be Denied

Generic ETB support comes to Jund in spades, even when excluding most of the 'deal 1 damage' options. We'll get a good chunk of cards out of Elemental Bond and Garruk's Uprising, some extra mana from Gyre Sage and Mana Echoes, and keep the board tidy with Frontier Sage.

We'll be packing our fair share of removal spells, ramp, generic Dragon support, et cetera, but nothing much is notable there beyond a focus on creatures when possible to pump that ETB number up.

On Wings of Tyranny

We all know that a dragon cannot be ruled, but if we had to choose one, there's a good handful of Jund Dragon commanders. Darigaaz II may never leave the field for good, and Prossh may bring his own bevy of extra creatures, but I ultimately decided on Karrthus to be second-in-command. Part of it is certainly my hipster blood, but granting all our Dragons haste is very handy when they're summoning sick from those flickers, and the pseudovigilance isn't bad either.

The full decklist can be found at https://tappedout.net/mtg-decks/mob-rule-broodmate-dragon/ . Until next time, stay untamed!

[talenlee]

Wizards of the Coast Employees, this article is going to feature custom card designs.

Goodness me, this project took some time. The opening documents you’ve read so far have all been done, weeks, no, almost months in advance, but as I sit here and pen this, it’s only two weeks before it goes up – and my goodness it has been a time to get this project finished.

First, let’s introduce you to the cards, and then we’ll talk some afterwards.

The Full Spoiler

Presented here is a full gallery of this set.

White cards

Blue Cards

Black Cards

Red Cards

Green Cards

Hybrid Cards

Colorless and Lands

Staying The Same

There’s a lot you might notice is just a straight up port from Kamigawa. I tried, as much as I could, to make every single card as similar to its earlier incarnation as I could, and in many cases that meant a straight up copy. With more and more cards coming from their earlier incarnations, that meant they slowly filled out slots. Eventually all I was doing was printing existing cards with less onerous mana costs, or spreading them into two colours where they were pretty decent versions in each colour. Oyobi, for example, was a perfectly acceptable Big Awkward Flier, that in red plays into a spell theme and in white plays into an army theme.

Old Kamigawa was a draft set of your old school, with the same third-set problem most sets had. White was built around a 1/2 defensive flier and a 2/2 offensive flier, and that meant that the second and third set had to introduce more fliers like that, when really they just wanted you to have more chances to draft [mtg_card]Mothrider Samurai[/mtg_card]. The same was true of green, where there were just too many big dumb idiots designed to hold the ground, and two or three cards that wanted to try and fill the role of [mtg_card]Kami of the Hunt[/mtg_card].

Cycle Maintenance

It wasn’t all frustrating recognitions of my own limits. There were also opportunities to make some cycles feel more lined up.

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The Epic spells previously had three cards that cared about what’s in a library, and two that didn’t. These new versions don’t have the keyword any more, and there’s some formatting oddness on Undying Flames (hey, it’s an open-source program), but I really like these designs.

Another cycle that I was able to change in a way I find more aesthetically pleasant is the Onna:

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In this case, they have an increasing mana cost – 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 – and a consistant body size. I really like this cycle, especially with the new flavour for the Kemuri-Onna – a woman who would lure people into the fog where they’d get lost.

What Didn’t Fit

There are a few themes and cycles that I couldn’t make work here, in the time frame and limitations I had. I was also building to try and leave space for a second set, the Champions of Kamigawa, to

The Maros! There’s a cycle from Saviors of Kamigawa of cards that have power and toughness equal to the cards in your hand, and they do extra stuff that express their colours. I really like them, and they’d probably be costed differently if printed today. They might get to appear in the next set.

The Patrons! Since the tribes are mono-colour, their spirit patrons would want to be as well.

Toshiro Umezawa! Here’s a big one – I simply couldn’t find the space to put Toshiro in without binning an existing black card that I feel is just as important to the story as Toshiro. Kiku and Marrow-Gnawer are both important hyozan reckoners, and Kiku is there to work with her Shadow. Still, Maga was necessary for the Heartbeat deck.

It’s not so bad though because Toshiro is an easy auto-include in the next set, and a total dick so it isn’t like you miss much without him.

All the demons! Yeah, demons are red and black, so they don’t really fit in the hybrid black-white and green-black spaces, which meant the ogres that care about demons all had to be shifted to the next set.

Then as for the cards that could be made to represent underserved characters? Almost none of them got in. Uyo – who is one of the most important characters in the novels – and the bulk of the actual characters from the novels. No Kubo! The Hyozan Reckoners themselves! Boss Uramon!

Changes From The Design

One perk that I almost ran with was that the shift to multicolor as our Kami trigger meant some cards could be rethemed as hybrid, and I almost did that with the Shrines. In the end the only card that got this treatment proper was [mtg_card]Promise of Bunrei[/mtg_card], but you could definitely hybrid pair the shrines with this design idea. The reason I kept them as they were is because hybrid shrines require slightly different effects.

The Planeswalkers are both all total fabrications, and the part of the design I think have the most room to give. If I was handing this set over to development I’d happily tell them to change the planeswalkers to be whatever the colours needed, since they’re all basically queer-signalling mythic figures from Japanese myth, chosen because they were what Genzoman had done art of.

There’s not a lot of flavour text! Some cards that were Very Busy got less busy, and I’m just not big on writing new flavour text. Especially since in this case, the flavour would want things like haiku – I tried writing one and it’s not very good so we move on.

Also, some cards just can’t work under the design needs I had. Without changing names, creature types, or art, there are some oddball cards that really shouldn’t be there but it’s kind of hard to do them any other way. Seizan, Perverter of Truth is used here to show a kami that feasts on corpses in a poisoned swamp, giving tainted knowledge, for example, so the name doesn’t quite work any more, and Sire of the Storms just shouldn’t be a no-strings flier. If I had art of that Sire on the ground, I might make it hexproof or something else. The Kodama of the North Tree also suffered – I couldn’t bring myself to make it a straight rip of its original 6/4 form with hexproof, because that’s very efficient beef. Hopefully the lost point of toughness makes it more fragile and means blue has to more aggressively protect it.

What Comes Next

My plan for the next set would be to produce an ally paired set; this lets you dig into more familiar ground, enable mono-colour spirit decks (as they can draw from both ally and enemy colour pairings), and make more staple spirits than oddball spirits. You could also include O-Kagachi in this set, and add the protector spirits (the Maros and the Kamigawa death-trigger dragons).

But that’s more of a thought exercise – not one I’m going to do. I mean jesus christ look at this.

MTG: Kamigawa Revamp, Part 5: Betrayers of Kamigawa Wizards of the Coast Employees, this article is going to feature custom card designs. Goodness me, this project took some time.

[mtg-brokentoken]

Favorite card: Stuffy Doll

Card to Combo

Step 1: Find a card

-Done! It’s Stuffy Doll, my favorite card.

Step 2: Break it down

Stuffy Doll only has 4 abilities, but each builds upon each other.

“As Stuffy Doll comes into play, choose a player.” — This is two parts. First, “when it comes into play” means that if you have something enter as a copy it will work, but something like Infinite Reflections falls short. This also means bouncing or flickering Stuffy Doll is a valid tactic. Second, you’re choosing a player, not targeting, so Hexproof won’t protect them. Note as well it doesn’t say opponent.

“Stuffy Doll is indestructible.” Pretty straightforward, damage and destruction won’t do much. This matters more for the next ability.

“Whenever damage is dealt to Stuffy Doll, it deals that much damage to the chosen player.” Okay, lots going on here. First, it doesn’t say combat damage, so fight, burn, etc are options. Second, Stuffy Doll deals damage in return, so Infect sounds like an option (less so with the next ability, but possible). Last thing, it’s damaging the chosen player, so you can play some politics.

“Tap: Stuffy Doll deals 1 damage to itself.” This is a way to send a damage to the opponent, fairly blunt, tapping is instant speed and naturally only once a turn.

Also worthy of mention, Stuffy Doll is an Artifact, a Creature, and colorless. Artifacts have a lot of ways of untapping and being copied, creatures can be untapped pumped etc, and colorless means it can go in any deck.

Step 3: Build it up

I’ve mentioned a few things, but let’s talk a bit about colors of your deck.

Colorless - There’s Affinity for Artifacts, but that only makes it cheaper, so not a huge difference. Darksteel Forge is redundant as this is already Indestructible. Clock of Omens can untap it equal to roughly half the number of artifacts you control. Pariah’s Shield reroutes damage to Stuffy Doll, triggering the third ability, but keeping it around due to the second. With Pariah’s Shield, you might not even block when attacked, so it’s great for politics. Speaking of politics, Stuffy Doll loves an Assault Suit, so everyone can attack or tap with it (more on that later, since some opponents will simply abstain). Sculpting Steel makes a functional copy, Mirage Mirror makes a good blocker but it won’t redirect damage (since you never chose a player). Helm of the Host can be used to spread the love, so more opponents make deals to attack you so you can redirect damage. Even something as simple as Acorn Catapult can get some damage to the Doll while solidifying your board position.

White - Lifelink is a great ability, you gain one life when it hurts itself and another when it hurts a player. White has a lot of damage redirection, can ping attackers/blockers, and does a lot of equipment support. You could arm Stuffy Doll with some pins and needles (or Feast and Famine swords) and swing hard, using your opponents’ creatures to hurt Stuffy Doll when they block. Speaking of blocking, even an instant can be a great help, with Valor Made Real (or enchantments like High Ground) letting Stuffy Doll “chump block” in a very hurtful way. Outrider en-Kor and other damage redirection go from being defensive to offensive tactics. As mentioned before, flickering is a great option for changing what player is going to get hurt. Your opponent is casting Star Of Extinction while it will deal 20 damage to you, a mutual opponent chosen by Stuffy Doll, and Stuffy Doll, so in response you Cloudshift the Doll and choose Mr/Mrs Star Of Extinction and they’re suddenly regretting the decision. Pariah is an option very similar to Pariah’s Shield, but Guilty Conscience is the shining star in white, starting an infinite loop that will need to be addressed (you’re in white, damage prevention is abundant). Felidar Sovereign is also a noteworthy option, if you’re getting Lifelinked.

Blue - Blue has a lot of artifact synergies, clone effects (to get multiple Dolls and be able to have more options for who gets hurt), and Alluring Siren. Blue has a lot of ways to untap a creature, allowing your Doll to do more damage in a turn. You may also want to enchant with something like Curiosity (or Ophidian Eye, or both) to get a few extra draws. Don’t forget Rite Of Replication, Followed Footsteps, or Mechanized Production, so there are enough Dolls to share. Fabricate can be used to make sure you have higher likelihood of getting your Doll out.

Black - Most Black tends to focus on life loss, rather than damage, but Corrupt and Tendrils of Corruption are both viable options. Black also has more tutors than most colors, so you can find whatever pieces you need from your deck. As with white, Lifelink is a great option, Stuffy Doll may hurt itself a bit, but it’s when it starts taking more damage that it really shines, so feel free to use something like Pestilence or Pestilence Demon. Stuffy Doll makes a pretty great blocker unless Evasion, Wither, or Infect are on the table, so use Indestructible to your advantage by having board wipes. Damnation goes right over the Doll like a refreshing breeze.

Red - So, this is probably one area with the most to offer to Stuffy Doll. Whether using Dictate of the Twin Gods, Furnace Of Rath, or one of the various others with a similar template, Doll can get pretty intense (see also: [this previous post] Spoiler: 7 Of these make for 4096 damage). And red is the color most likely to be able to damage the Doll on a whim, with plenty of burn spells doing more than just one damage. There are 7 cards with “Bloodfire” in the name, and 4 of them are good for hurting your Doll. War Elemental can be unlocked by Stuffy Doll, and grows quickly, especially with Pyrohemia (deal one damage to Doll and opponent, then Doll damages opponent, so Elemental triggers twice). Red also has a few ways to duplicate spells. As far as enchantments, red does have a lot that can punish any players, for instance Manabarbs, but then you need something like Pariah’s Shield to redirect the damage to the Doll. Zada, Hedron Grinder and Harnessed Lightning used in conjunction can use almost all of your energy (depending on how you stack the castings) to deal 3x the number of creatures you have as an amount of damage to Stuffy Doll. Aether Flash deals 2 damage to any Stuffy Doll entering the battlefield (for instance if you have one equipped with Helm of the Host). Another great option, though with a couple hoops to jump through, is getting Stuffy Doll to be controlled by another opponent with big or many creatures (Harmless Offering, Bazaar Trader, etc) and then using Alpha Brawl so all those creatures bring the pain onto Stuffy Doll. Red alone does have a lot to offer, but shines most when mixed with another color, typically white. Just to name a few commanders as example: Firesong and Sunspeaker, Razia Boros Archangel (you can even route damage from your attackers to a non-attacking Stuffy Doll), and Gisela Blade of Goldknight.

Green - The main tactic in green is actually to pump Stuffy Doll and attack. If you don’t have Lure or trample, your opponent can just chump block, so don’t let that be an option. Vigilance isn’t as much of an option in green (3 equipment give Vigilance and trample, so the Doll will be blocked but still available to block. Sword of Vengeance has First Strike, which could reduce incoming damage. Haunted Cloak and Forebear’s Blade), but untapping creatures is something green excels in. Rite of Passage makes Stuffy Doll slowly grow just by hurting itself, or if you’re looking for tokens instead of counters, Druid’s Call is a great option.

Boros allows a great option for dealing, rerouting, or preventing damage (think Spitemare, Boros Reckoner). Orzhov has less options, but more lifelink and board wipes. Izzet can use Fatal Attraction and Paradox Haze, and Nin the Pain Artist keeps your hand full. Selesnya would love to wrap Stuffy Doll in an Armadillo Cloak. Going Simic? Ezuri, Claw of Progress would love to make Stuffy Doll into a beater, and things like Evolution Vat. There are options in just about all mixtures of colors for Stuffy Doll to be a great card.

Bringing Infect up again for just a moment. It’s at odds with Stuffy Doll. Poisonous is great, but if Stuffy Doll uses its ability to hurt itself with Infect, it reduces its toughness and negates the point of Indestructible. Also, if you’re attacking with the Doll, you’re reducing the power of your opponent’s creatures, so diminish the value of attacking. If you do have a way to ensure the Doll keeps getting hurt (Pariah, Pyrohemia, Pestilence, Lightmine Field), that damage goes to the player as poison counters... but you’re turning off the self-harm.

Step 4: Rev the engines

Guilty Conscience is typically the best option, but you need a third card to eventually prevent damage.

Damage doubling effectiveness increases a lot, since one damage to Stuffy becomes 2, and then it deals 2 damage to an opponent, which becomes 4, and there are enough options to increase this significantly.

Lure is amazing, but should be used with vigilance or ways to untap so you can still block.

——

So if you made it this far, the reason Stuffy Doll is my favorite is because unlike so many other cards in Magic, it can be a centerpiece of a deck without broadcasting almost anything about your deck. It’s almost too bad it isn’t Legendary.

I did post about Stuffy Doll back on Sept 22, 2017, but due to having created the “card to combo” article since then and Wizards Twitter recently asking about favorite cards, I decided it would be worth going over.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #173

UPDATE 173: Mechanisburg Finally Strikes Back

Last time Zeetha did exactly what you shouldn’t do when you’re mortally wounded – physical exertion. Now she’s running from the ire of Higgs. Let’s continue.

You know, reading this I can’t avoid wondering how exactly the Castle is communicating. Telepathy? Is its voice sounding through speakers somewhere? Can anyone standing around hear him talk to Zeetha? Anyway, they discuss why Zeetha is teaching Agatha how to be a warrior. It seems to me the Castle’s concern was that Zeetha was trying to drag Agatha onto the side of...heroism. I’d like to imagine a shudder shook his cornerstones when he said the word ‘hero’.

Since Zeetha’s intentions are no more than supporting Agatha and helping her as a friend, the Castle refrains from revealing all of Higgs’ secrets.

Sounds juicy. If it’s delicate information that warrants murder, then it must be very sensitive information. Perhaps a plan of the Heterodynes? Involving he being part of Wulfenbach’s army? I’m convinced Higgs is a Jager general or something like that. It just has been laid so thick I have a hard time believing it could be anything else.

Zeetha wants the gossip, even if it’s a bit, especially if it leads to fighting Higgs. Since that’s not an urgency since, you know, there’s an invasion in the town and therefore it isn’t the time for gossip. She can see him fight and swoon in the background while he delivers the hurt onto unsuspecting attackers.

Okay, there’s no Higgs fighting anyone. It’s more like the Castle showing off. It’s bound to be impressive.

Hah! For a moment I thought a part of the Castle had grown in middle of the street! Although, now that I think about it, the Castle surely has the capabilities to do it, so if it was necessary he would.

It’s not like the story has been colorless or anything like that before, but this page makes it very clear things are changing for the better right now. I doubt a bunch of colorful slime burst out of the Castle in a spectacle of color and power, it must be just a visual metaphor – well, although I wouldn’t be surprised if it did happen. What follows is the montage I was expecting since the Castle was repaired. It existed, it just wasn’t right where I thought it’d be.

The parts of the Castle that were tilting or crumbling fix themselves, the towers open and a torrent of creatures and clanks burst out. How many of these were engineered by the former prisoners, I wonder.

I don’t think it’d be too hasty to say this has turned the tables completely on Agatha’s favor. Wulfenbach’s troops are many and varied, and now Agatha’s troops are varied as well, but she has an advantage: her crazed ancestry. Who knows what devilry the Castle is unleashing against everything.

I’ll be brief with the following scenes. There’s chaos. The clanks are attacking with everything they have, much to the troops’ panic. Moving the airships away is the first action, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the ground troops, who don’t understand at first what this development is.

More like “you jinxed it, sir!”  Kind of surprising they didn’t hear the rocks opening behind them and this big clank stepping out. That can’t have been subtle at all! Also, I love the war segways.

The defenses are popping from everywhere. The ground, the walls, maybe even from the sky...even the walls themselves are proving to be lethal by collapsing and falling on top of the soldiers. The moment someone starts thinking things aren’t so bad, thorny vines pop out of the soil and forces them to retreat. There’s hardly anything anyone can do to fight.

Things get so bad when Wulfenbach gets the status reports there’s nothing positive to be told. Damages, weird creatures, things coming out from everywhere, the moment Agatha fixed the Castle is the moment Wulfenbach lost. He listens to all the reports while he fights with his sword and his bare fists. He’s surrounded by competent people, they’re not being overrun, all the reports come and let him know everyone is fighting something. Even twenty kilometers away of Mechanisburg! I can see why this town was impenetrable before!

Since clearly they’re all at disadvantage, Wulfenbach takes a decision:

Yep, the baron himself is going to get involved into this matter. Niiiiice. Although...well, the last time he got directly involved and faced Agatha directly, he was crushed by a flying clank, sooner than I thought he would be defeated. Given this precedent, I can’t say I think Wulfenbach is the epitome of his forces. Doesn’t make this any less interesting, though! The man himself is going into Mechanisburg!

Also of interest: he’ll take an item that clearly is important. He’ll have an ace up his sleeve. Wonder what it could be?

Taking Sun with him would be a good decision. Dr. Sun is fearsome. Too bad Wulfenbach decides not to. Maybe he fears Dr. Sun will restrain him if he gets hurt.

You know, either these clanks are surprisingly fragile, or everyone on this ship have strong fists, because the clanks are breaking pretty easily.

This guy arguing with Wulfenbach has a point. If Wulfenbach dies, the empire will fall apart. When he was confirmed injured, so many things happened, and there’s chaos everywhere from when he was thought to be dead. Europe is like a timebomb waiting to explode. In case the worst case scenario happens and Wulfenbach gets crushed by another flying house, I suppose, he mentions how Gil, present here by crashing into a clank in a rather impressive move, will take over the empire if anything happens to the Baron. Gil proceeds to make himself look much less impressive by stepping onto a stray screw and hitting the ground. Well...better him than anyone else.

The concern some have is that since Gil has been wasped, it’s dangerous to leave the entire empire in his hands. Wulfenbach isn’t concerned at all. He did take measures about it.

...ah. He did to Gil something similar to what Lucrezia does, apparently. Mind control. I don’t think it was anything like the wasp itself because of the lack of time, I suppose it was more like...forcing Gil to not perform specific actions? Maybe? I sure hope so, because the thought of Wulfenbach doing any kind of mind control on his own son is kind of disturbing. I know drastic measures are necessary sometimes, it’s just that...it’s his son, you know. Made worse by how it’s not confirmed it can be reversed.

The crazy ideas continue when Wulfenbach orders a retreat all the way to Sturmhalten. Still, it’s an order, they can’t challenge it. Wulfenbach also orders to make a list of all the troops that are currently trapped in the town, to which he’s told nobody is. There’s a gaping hole in the thorn wall surrounding the town. Not only that, the troops are being herded and led out of the town.

I find it kind of unexpected. I thought everyone really would be crushed. It’s not like the Castle would be unable to do such thing, he proved he can. Why wouldn’t he destroy the rest of the troops? Agatha’s influence? I’m sure if left to his own volition he would do that, so I think it’s Agatha’s orders. No idea what her plan is, though. Wulfenbach doesn’t know either.

I think I’ll stop now.

Next time: in three updates

[kithas]

Miserable Like Me

Name: Kanae & Muqi Sin: Jealousy Plant symbolism: Brambles

(The story can also be found Here)

Lee was always a trouble maker; Well, she didn't actually light the school on fire like that Ava girl did a few years ago, but she was also troubling enough to spend more time in principal's than in study time. Not that she used that time to study, anyways, but to figure crazy ways to go do some kind of mischief with the only purpose to have fun, and just enough charm to not get expelled afterwards from TITAN education facility. That's what everyone saw on Lee. Everyone but Kanae.

Kanae knew who was inside that trouble maker: A kind, good-natured girl, high-spirited enough to try and lift everyone else's spirit, whether they wanted it or not. That TITAN school was bad enough with so much miserable people to laugh at her horns – she didn't even want the damn things – but Lee always saw her as more than a freak, as something more than the looser she actually was. She saw her as a partner in crime. As a friend. As something more. At least, that's what Kanae always said herself. She never managed to confirm if her feelings were mutual. And now, she would never know.

When she came saying that about TITAN, Kanae almost didn't believe her. "A special recruitment program", she said. "A School of Gifted Youngsters". She would go, she would show them her amazing skills, get a great job for the big man – or, as Lee joked, the big mysterious alien being -, and some day, she promised, she would go back to get her. Kanae believed that. She should be glad. Lee got her opportunity. Adventures, interesting places, new people… It would be great for her. But now… Now Kanae couldn't think of anything else that how alone did she feel. It was stupid, she told herself. Lee was up to a better life, and, Kanae knew she should be glad for her. But she wasn't. Lee was gone. And now she was alone. For the first time in forever, Kanae was alone. Alone through the rest of the school-day, and was alone through lunch time. Nobody went to her to suggest some crazy place to explore, some loose tile in girl's bathroom to hide some treasures. Kanae still had things to do. Still had classes. Still had homework. Still had a life. A miserable life like everyone in that TITAN-owned place, but they went through it whether it was alone or together. Why did she feel all those so colorless? Why was everything so lacking in spirit?

"She left", said the little voice into her ear. "She left without you". Kanae looked herself into the mirror. Her sad little face, with those slanted eyes, that red hair like a demon, and those little horns. She didn't want to have them. She didn't want everyone to look at them. She wanted Lee to tell her that she was one of a kind, she was beautiful. But it would never happen again. "Because she left without looking back". Kanae should be glad Lee did go for a better life, in some TITAN School for Gifted Youngsters instead that TITAN Miserable Facility. "You both promised you would go through this place together. You would survive together. But she lied". That little voice was annoying. That little voice was right. It always was, actually. Reminding her how everyone was normal, how none of them had horns or strange slanted eyes, how she wasn't one of them. And, now, that.

The only thing capable of shutting up that voice was Lee with her endless chit chat and their shenanigans together. But Lee wasn't there anymore. Alone, without feeling or direction, Kanae fell to her knees in the middle of her miserable existence. What to feel, what to do, when you're alone in a place full of people. Kanae couldn't go on on her own, but no one would help her. No one would carry her. No one but Lee. And Lee had abandoned her. That she knew, unaware of the "Galactic Child Containmen Center" leaflet Lee forgot under her bed. "But you don't need her anymore". The horned dark being was the same from her dreams, the same from the voice inside her. The masked guy. Kanae felt cold brambles around her feelings as the demon inside her crept through her consciousness. "You don't need anyone else". his tentacular thorned arms moved like an inexistent breeze blown through them. "Come with old Muqi", said the demon, his broken face mask in front of Kanae, his thorned arms stretching around her. The same horns, thesame look as her in his only eye behind the mask. It was a lonely creature. A miserable creature. "Come with me, sweet child, and you will never be alone again”.  Lee was gone. No one would save her. And, after she sealed the pact, no one would save them either. “ Come with me, an we will make them as miserable as you".