#and the Closest thing we had to a law class was the mock trial we did for AP us history

[mdhwrites]

Owl House tries to be critical of religious thinking and thought processes but the ending unfortunately supports the notion as well as the writing do you have the same thoughts as well?

It's not the ending that ruins this. The WHOLE SHOW is terrible at this. The reason why is obvious as well: The show is too busy mocking modern society and late stage capitalism for its villains, if it's mocking anything, to have time or room to say anything about dystopians, puritans or religion.

Just to make this point quickly: The first time we EVER hear about the Titan in any sort of context that implies even reverence is the S1 FINALE. It is only first brought up as the reason how Belos came to power: His ability to hear the Titan. Before then, the Titan is maybe used to replace God in common expletives but that's it. It's just the place they live in so supposedly one of TOH's main critiques takes an ENTIRE. SEASON. to show up.

However, it's not just how long it takes for people to start even mentioning it that's the problem. It never gains a foothold. People don't do things for the Titan. They do things for Belos. There's like maybe a half dozen LINES in the entire show that have anything to do with religious allegory besides the fact that witch hunts were religiously motivated. Maybe closer to a dozen because of Hunter's ramblings during Hollow Mind but that is ONE episode for the majority of any talk about this.

And it's not just that she show fails to depict a religion. Allegory exists for a reason. But... What is the faith then? The Coven System is MUCH closer to a stratified class system, or a communist economic system, that it literally ever comes to being a religion. It's basis might be in that but no one treats it that way. It's just a job and what you decide to specialize in.

The wild witches being absent is another part of this that also explains why it's absent. Eda doesn't get bothered by... Anyone? In the entire show? about being a wanted criminal. Covention is the absolute closest the show ever comes to having anyone besides the EC give a shit. In that one, people at least squint at her but despite her suspicious behavior, they don't do more than that. That is actually pretty accurate to how someone in the US might act in the modern day... But not in a dystopia. Especially not a religiously motivated dystopia.

A common factor between religious zealots and dystopias is the CONSTANT PARANOIA. The fear that is put into them of the other. How they are directed to destroy ANYTHING that is against the doctrine. This is why Christianity has had SO MANY SCHISMS because a single question for the faith will cause some people to lose their minds! The witch trials, no matter where they were, were often motivated by fear of demons and empowerment of others and used to keep those who might be shaking things up down, using both genuinely held beliefs and those that could be manipulated to cause the masses to agree that the person had to die. Even from a less extreme perspective, these same ideas are used to discriminate, alienate and attack.

However... That doesn't happen. Just because Eda is nice, to a couple people, an entire mob of loyal citizens is able to be rallied to go against the ONE LAW of the Isles. There is no belief there. There is no indoctrination there. If the Isles actually cared about the Titan, Eda should be fucked. Luz should cast a glyph in front of Amity and TERRIFY her because, as Amity puts it, "I've never seen someone cast it like that."

And the funny thing is, this would have made Luz's character climax statement ACTUALLY WORK. If everyone was terrified of her simply because she chose a different path, had to do things differently and was just inherently different, she could be a great stand in for all the effort so many marginalized people have to put in. All this work just to be understood against held beliefs that don't reflect reality. Held beliefs that only exist to prop up the status quote.

But that would mean making the Isles an inherently hostile place. To make Luz have to work for EVERY. SINGLE. INCH that she gains. And, well, the writers weren't interested in that. They weren't interested in a struggle. Instead, they were interested in the story of a young bi teenager going to a fantasy world and living out her dreams.

So sure, her literally being blessed by God to enact his will against his enemies is AWFUL. It explicitly makes it so that she is actually just Belos but she actually DOES hear the Titan! So you know, just don't believe in false prophets but prophets do exist and you should follow them unquestionably.

However, the problem starts LONG before then. Like almost any problem with TOH honestly.

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I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

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[theamazingannie]

Cant stop thinking about how the average life expectancy is around 80 years old and yet we are expected to know what we want to do with our lives by age 25. Retirement usually happens around 65. That’s 40 years of our lives working in a field that we have maybe five years to decide on. And if you’re like me, in your senior year of college realizing that the path you are on is maybe not the path you want to be on, then either you have to start over, or you have to spend those 40 years in a career you might not want and constantly wondering what your life would be like if you had the chance to go a different way. And If you do have the ability to start over, which is only available to people who have the financial and emotional support to go through more years of school, then you’re “behind” in life and sometimes looked down on for not having it all together in your mid 20s. And older generations wonder why we’re so fucking miserable all the time

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.3.9 “Joyful End Of Joy”

This title is such a weird choice. This time it’s not a translation thing, but a Hugo thing. He decides not to focus on Fantine’s reaction to the surprise, but on the other girls’ reactions. It’s weird, but I think it also works, because it serves to highlight how unusual Fantine’s reaction really is. The rest of the girls shake off the abandonment pretty quickly, because none of them made the same attachments as Fantine. Her devastation is highlighted by their mirth.

The men keep up the pretense long enough to even turn and wave at the women, laughing. I get the impression they’re giggling at their prank, but the girls probably think they’re just being jaunty. Also, I wish I had a better visual of the area. I imagine them kind of blending in with the crowd, maybe turning a corner or something out of sight, and then heading to wait for the stagecoach.

Again, Hugo shows the difference between Fantine and the others. While Fantine repeats herself with “Don’t be long,” the other grisettes are more preoccupied with what the surprise might be. Also, so far Fantine’s really only had two lines, since one was about the horse, and the next two lines are nearly identical to each other.

“You’d think piles of chains were flying off into the heavens.” I love the visual of this line so much. There are so many visuals in this book that I wish I had the skill to draw. This line’s an interesting one. My first instinct is to say that the metaphor feels backwards? “Piles of chains flying off into the heavens” sounds to me like saying these men that could have held these women down are leaving. But that seems backward. Unless perhaps that’s the opinion of the other grisettes aside from Fantine? My other thought is that maybe it’s not really a good thing or a backward metaphor. These chains which are the men are flying off, but the next ones could be even worse, could leave the rest of them in the type of situation that Fantine is now left in. These specific chains have flown off into the heavens, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more waiting in the wings.

The fact that Fantine gets the most important, foreshadowing line is interesting to me because it’s a very specific observation. “That’s strange,” she said. “I thought the stagecoaches never stopped.” The group has just spent the last 8 chapters mocking Fantine’s head-in-the-clouds state of being and how she doesn’t notice anything. And yet she notices this little detail and points out that the stagecoaches don’t usually stop. (I like this from the headcanon that she’s autistic, too. Social cues etc are harder to pick up on, but a change in a weird little detail like when the stagecoaches stop is something she notices because it’s wrong but no one else notices or cares.)

Favourite then insults Fantine and says she knows nothing of life and essentially calls her a simpleton while making fun of her observation. What is Favourite’s problem? She’s really the only one aside from Tholomyes who gets actual dialogue mocking Fantine. God, this whole group is so awful. The next line is “Some time passed this way.” I can’t tell if Hugo is saying that some time passed where they were just staring out the window, or if he’s saying some time passed where they were making fun of Fantine. Either way, this constant picking on Fantine is so cruel, from all of them. Especially Favourite and Tholomyes. It seems like Favourite is in the best situation out of all of them, too: she’s the eldest, has her own home, and is cheating on Blacheville with Tholomyes. Maybe she’s guilty and that’s why she’s so aggressive towards Fantine; she’s trying to convince herself there’s a reason she’s doing this thing with Tholomyes. I don’t know.

It seems like Fantine has never really had stable friendships in her life. These girls have been having affairs with the students for two years. It might be the longest Fantine has every really had a friendly, familiar, consistent relationship with other grisettes outside of work. And it seems like the other grisettes, particularly Favourite, really take advantage of that naivety to mock her.

Why is Favourite the only one so preoccupied with the surprise? She was the one to ask for it properly, to announce it the morning of and get everyone up early, to keep reminding everyone of it, and now to read the letter. Nobody else seems to be as obsessed with the surprise as her. No one else has dialogue mentioning it. She’s like the “leader” of this little group, so it stands to reason that she’s Tholomyes’ counterpart and that would make her be the one who thinks about the surprise kind of in tandem with the fact that Tholomyes is the one orchestrating it. But I still think it’s odd that nobody else seems to care as much as she does. It almost sounds like an insecurity, a point of anxiety for her? Everyone but Fantine seems to be expecting Gifts. I actually wonder now if this is why they are unsurprised by the letter being a parting one. What they think is going to happen is that they are going to get parting gifts; instead they get this letter and a paid for meal. It’s a letdown, but the leaving is expected, I think.

Before I get into the letter, I just want to point out how weirdly classical the line “they desire our return and offer to kill the fatted calf for us” is. The rest of the letter just sounds like a regular letter, but that line in particular sounds like I’m reading Homer or something.

The men start off their letter explicitly pointing out the class differences between the themselves and the grisettes. Despite the fact that Favourite’s mother lives with her, the men obviously don’t see that as similar to their own, rich parents. Hugo says earlier that Fantine is, essentially, a child of France. The students seem to see all of the women in that way, as crude orphans who have been taken in and socialized by Paris. The men then contradict themselves, quoting their parents as calling them “prodigal sons” and then in the next sentence calling themselves “virtuous.”

I can’t find anything on the Bossuet line; I assume it’s a pun that I don’t know enough French and/or Bossuet literature to understand. “Fleeing to the arms of Laffitte,” I assume, means running back to high society, back to rich families and political connections and all that stuff. They’re no longer slumming in Paris with working girls, they’re going back to the safety of the society of banking and politics and all that. I don’t know what the “wings of Caillard” is referencing, because the only Caillard I can find is Gaspar Caillard, whose writings aren’t translated into English.

The gall of them to straight up call the girls “the abyss,” man I hate these men. They see these women as a fun little jaunt into lower society. These women, who are without family (or the same kind of family as these men), who are very poor and probably teetering on the edge of penniless, are the closest these students can get to this “abyss.” I bet they think they did some sort of fucking charity, too, and treated these girls to a “good time” for two years or something before dropping them. Ugh.

“It is necessary to our country that we become, like everybody else, prefects, fathers of families, country policemen, and councilors of state.” Reading this line just makes me feel so disgusted. That men like this, who are slimy and manipulative and selfish and uncaring like this, are the ones who are going to become people in charge of the infrastructure of their local society and who will have power over people in similar positions to these grisettes. It reminds me of Bamatabois, who not only was able to harass Fantine and then get her nearly thrown in prison, but was also a juror at Chapmathieu’s trial. Twice he has the power to decide someone’s freedom; I imagine these law students will have similar positions in their own respective towns. It’s also such a gross flaunting of their social position, telling these women that they have all these opportunities and connections and money to become whatever they want, and these women are left in barely-paying labor positions on the edge of total poverty.

(This is also a really important piece of characterization, I think. It contrasts massively with the students we see later on, who come from rich families (minus Bahorel, I suppose) but who are dedicated to the betterment of others.)

Something I don’t quite understand is the paying for dinner thing? Why? Is it just because they knew maybe the girls wouldn’t be able to afford it? Why do that one niceness with such a cruel prank? Was it like a last “look at us, we can afford one last lavish meal before we vanish” sort of thing?

Favourite is so odd to me. She decides that if this prank was Blacheville’s idea, it makes her fall in love with him. She says “No sooner loved than left,” which makes me think it’s a sort of “you don’t want it until it’s gone” type of thing. But I’m also wondering if it’s a comment on potential cleverness. She only likes him more now that she thinks he’s clever enough and cunning enough to come up with and pull off a joke like this one.

Then the realization that it was actually Tholomyes comes. None of them seem surprised (neither are we). They laugh about it and I assume that, again, the “Vive Tholomyes” is a celebration of his cleverness at this elaborate joke. But they seemed to know that the end was coming, so it’s just a funny and interesting ending to them, rather than a boring goodbye. Also, I wonder if they would have been more upset if the dinner had not been paid for.

I don’t have much to say about that last visual of Fantine crying in her rooms, except for fuck Tholomyes. Also, what a damn bombshell for Hugo to drop on us, spending all that time describing Fantine and then in the last sentence revealing a child.

[marshunter06]

Love Lockdown

II- The Right Partner

Good morning All,

I have attached the list of names and cases to this email so that you may begin contacting your partner for the final project. At this point I realize the situation is getting worse, so I will be suspending all other class work except for this project. At the end of the semester, you and your partner will do a mock trial online presenting your case to the jury (the rest of the class). You will be graded on your presentation and cooperation skills as well as the amount of research done for the case. Let this be a lesson, you never know what will be used as evidence in the court of law, so take this chance to hone your skills for the real world. I look forward to seeing how you all do, as always, feel free to email me if there are any questions.

Almost another week has passed since the mandatory lockdown and Courtney has been lucky enough to avoid Duncan, not that he’s really tried to talk to her. He was probably off talking to Gwen. The thought irks her, she brushes it off to see who her partner for the project would be. She looks through the list to find her name and next to it was the name Trent, the name seemed familiar, but she didn’t think he was in her section. Her inbox pops up with a notification letting her know she received a message, and it was from Trent.

Hi Courtney,

Looks like we’re going to be partners for this case. I briefly looked up the case and it looks like an interesting one. Our professor based them off real cases, but they’re all made up so it makes research a little more challenging. What are your thoughts on it so far?

-Trent

He’s a go getter, Courtney can definitely admire that. She hasn’t even had a chance to look over their case yet. Interesting how it’s not a real case they’re discussing. She decides to read through the case summary before replying.

Hello Trent,

Thanks for reaching out, I looked over the case summary and we have a really interesting one. I think I know why the professor chose to make one up, it forces us to look up similar cases and compare them for research.

-Courtney

She continues to research the case while she waits for Trent’s reply. He was probably doing the same thing. Just judging from the facts of the case and the evidence presented, she knows that their client is guilty. It starts off as a normal divorce case with dispute over finances then it turns sour. The wife is arrested for the murder of her husband. She says that it was suicide, she just happened to discover the body. The death was suspicious, but she had no other reason to want him dead. The divorce case was going her way as the husband admitted infidelity. She was set to get half of everything though the husband tried to regain control, there was little that could be done for him to win the case- he was just wasting his money. Courtney gets a new message from Trent just as she finishes reading the last part.

Hey Courtney,

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I started more into the case. I think you’re definitely right about not using real cases! I didn’t even think of that, I’m glad that you’re my partner. Take a look at these other cases, I looked some up with both guilty and not guilty verdicts.

-Trent

Courtney was actually happy to have a partner so willing to get ahead on the project and look up additional sources. She wished he could have been her partner for their first project. She looks at the time and sees that it’s a quarter till noon she needs to go do some grocery shopping. Yes she was well stocked, but this gave her a good excuse to leave the house for a little bit to buy some specialty items for different dishes. She was missing some spices for a soup she wanted to make.

Trent,

No worries, I was doing some research myself. Thanks for the cases, I’ll be sure to look at them after my grocery run. Now I’m wondering if there are any mistrials for these types of cases. No such thing as being too prepared!

-Courtney

She didn’t expect a reply so quickly, but before she left her room, the familiar ping sounded. Guess she shouldn’t be so surprised, there’s not much to do when the whole city is locked down.

Courtney,

Wow, you’re venturing to the outside world? Good luck, hope there’s still stuff for you to buy, people have been going overboard with the hoarding. I’ll definitely look into mistrials while you’re out and send you the link. It’s always good to be prepared!

-Trent

She couldn’t help but laugh reading his reply. Sure being restricted is a bummer, but it’s not quite the end of the world. She decides to reply before she heads out.

Trent,

A bit dramatic don’t you think? Thanks, but I should be fine. We’re still stocked on essentials, I’m just trying to see if they have some spices for a soup. It doesn’t hurt to check if there’s more pasta though, so I’ll definitely look for that. Since you’re so kind to research while I’m out, I’ll be sure to let you know how the outside world is doing.

-Courtney

She still had a smile on her face as she went downstairs to leave for the closest grocery store. This didn’t go unnoticed by Duncan. He still hadn’t tried to talk to her, not knowing what to say to her. She seemed to be in a better mood, maybe it was time to try again.

“Courtney…”

“What do you want Duncan. I’m going to the grocery store.”

“Let me go with you.”

“No, we’re supposed to be social distancing remember.”

“Come one, you know being stuck at home all day sucks.”

“Fine, but stay out of my way.”

“I knew you couldn’t resist me.”

She glares at him choosing to ignore the last comment. Even though she’s still incredibly hurt by him, she would never let him see that side of her. She couldn’t help giving in to his request, staying indoors all the time can drive a person mad. Besides, he would just try and annoy her if she didn’t let him go.

[shawnsorangeglasses]

The Opposition - Part 3.1

3.1k words

Shawn is a tightly wound, Type A law student in college. For the most part, he has his life figured out and planned to the minute. Then comes Caroline, a charming Type B and his unlikely equal.

thank you all for being so patient. ...

It's Wednesday. Shawn fears the closer he gets to Friday, the less motivated he is to crash the frat party. This morning, Caroline sent him a text riddled with lowercase letters and several typos to discuss the plan. He's meeting her in front of the library a few hours after his first class. On Mondays and Wednesdays, it's ethics and his third criminal law course in the afternoon. Tuesdays and Thursdays is legal writing and criminal behavior. He loves the work, but it’s nice to do something else, even if it is scheming.

He walks by a group of senior women on the way. They smile and wave flirtatiously, but he keeps his eyes low and walks faster. They laugh.

Caroline is waiting for Shawn on the back of the library's lion statue, conducting her hands to music only she can hear through her earbuds. Of course that's where she is,��Shawn thinks to himself. Her sweater, the one from last night, is tied around her waist. She doesn't notice him at first because the song is up at full volume. Bright yellow socks are the only vibrant color she's chosen to wear today in an otherwise plain ensemble.

"You're not supposed to sit on those," he tells her.

Her head snaps around, "Oh, it's just you. Where's Harry?"

"Theater club until 6 PM."

Caroline grunts and groans, rolling rather ungracefully off the metal beast. "How the hell am I supposed to sit through this without him?"

"I'm sure you'll manage." Shawn leads towards the double doors, but a tiny hand latches onto his elbow, stopping him short.

"Can't you just tell me right here in the sun? It's freezing inside."

Shawn taps his heel on the pavement impatiently. "I suppose we can go to the old greenhouse out back."

Caroline cocks an eyebrow. "Oh, he's taking me out back. How scandalous."

"Relax, it's not in use anymore and half the windows are smashed. It's the furthest thing from romantic.

"She circles him, "Uh huh, sure it is."

"It is."

Shawn takes her down a path that’s gone undisturbed for a long time. The greenhouse is obscured by a wall of untamed trees and shrubbery. The only entrance is a gate overrun by vines and ivies. Shawn unlatches the lock and its rusty chain falls limp with a clang.

"After you," he says, permitting Caroline to enter first.

"Are we allowed back here, Mr. Rulebook?"

"This is the only rule you'll ever find me breaking."

Caroline gazes up at the quaint structure in all its decay and ruin. Branches extend in and out of broken windows. She can just make out a misty rainbow in the fog at the very top of the roof. Ironically, it’s probably the prettiest part of the campus she’s seen so far.

"How'd you find this place?"

"Ms. Attie brought me here my first semester. It used to be kind of panic room for me, but I haven't needed it lately."

She takes two steps forward. "Is it safe?"

"There's broken glass and exposed wires everywhere, but you're smart enough. I think you'll live."

“Aw, you think I’m smart?”

He has to smile at his slip up. “I think you’re adept. Don’t get a big head.”

Shawn pats her shoulder and moves ahead. Caroline jogs after him, trying to keep up with his long strides in the tall grass.Inside are only vague reminders of what the greenhouse may have looked like before the wilderness reclaimed it. All kinds of weeds have pushed through the ground floor. Unchecked foliage has made the once spacious house small and humid inside. Caroline picks up one of the few plants that are still in a solid pot, then sets it back in its dust ring.Shawn stops at the iron staircase leading to a platform above.

"This way. Attie said the steps are too corroded to be safe, so we have to use the ladder."

The ladder leans against the second floor ledge with cinder blocks at its feet to keep it in place. It goes straight up into a sunnier ledge, closest to the ceiling. It's the only part of the greenhouse with all the windows still intact. Caroline again goes ahead of him, but loses her footing on a loose rung. Shawn's quick to catch her, grabbing onto her hip. He doesn't let go until she's regained her balance, and even so his fingertips linger on her midriff.

"Any other surprises," she huffs.

"I don't know, maybe? It's been a while."

She smirks down at him, then continues to climb. Each step, she tests the rungs with a few taps before proceeding. Shawn is trying to keep from looking, but she's right there above his head, in shorts. He concentrates on his own steps.

Caroline's feet patter around the platform. "Hmm, I don't know Mendes. This looks pretty romantic to me."He's about to protest again until he makes the top of the ladder. A picnic is set up on one of the metal tables, but clearly abandoned. Shawn sighs.

"Harry must have been here recently with some guy or girl, most likely showing off." He can feel Caroline's eyes on him. "Which is not why we're here, for the last time."

"Alright. Did he leave any non-perishables?"

Shawn sifts through the picnic basket's contents. Every single bag is torn to shreds. "No, looks like the raccoons came through— oh wait, there's a jar of raw honey."

"I call dibs."

"You can have it," Shawn chuckles. "Harrison keeps our kitchen stocked with the stuff."

She takes the jar, holding it up to the sun. "Why did we come here, again?"

"Going over the plan."

"Oh yeah."

Caroline hops up onto a shelf in between two flower bushes, securing her jar of honey at the bottom of her bag. Sun spills shafts of light on her hair, making them a rich brown around the edges.

"The party's on Friday and I know I'm your plus one. We definitely shouldn't stay too long though. What's our out going to be?"

"I could get 'sick' or 'too drunk' and you have to take me home."

"That could work. I say we try to avoid attention altogether though. Kate knows I don't do parties and I won't know how to explain myself."

Caroline pokes a fern and its leaves retract. "Just say you're doing research on college party scenes and how they affect academic accomplishment or something."

"That's...actually a good idea."

She flips her hair and shrugs. "I know."

"Okay, don't get cocky." Shawn nibbles on his thumb. "I guess we're ready?"Caroline tilts her head at him. "You don't sound ready."

"I am very nervous, yes."

"Well don't worry. Just think of it as extreme eavesdropping."

"There's still so many margins of error," he mutters to himself. "Argh, this is why I hate parties. I have no way of actually preparing for this. What if something stupid happens? What if the cops show up? Cops always show up in the movies. Listen to me, comparing real life to the movies-”

"Hey," she slides down from the shelf and puts two hands on his shoulders. Her inky brown eyes penetrate his own. "Don’t spiral. That's why I'm coming with you. We can always improvise. It's gonna be fine. In the name of love, right?"

Shawn takes a deep, shaky breath. She'd been saying this to him since Monday. In the name of love. But Shawn isn't even positive he loves Kate, whatever that means. She just makes him tingly all over. All girls make him a little nervous once they show an interest in him. It isn't even all about love at this point. He just wants everything to go back to normal.

"Right," he says anyway. "In the name of love."

"Okay then," she gives him shake and lets go. "How much time do you have?"

Shawn checks his watch. "About two hours."

"Wanna go eat?" …

The dining hall is flowing with students coming and going. All the major groups have found their respective tables for the hour. Caroline seems to know at least a few people in every clan they pass by on the way to the kitchen, and every person is happy to see her or has some inside joke to share.

"Uh Caroline," Shawn taps her shoulder, "What exactly is your major?"

"I don’t know yet. I really like everything. Why?""

You just seem to know...well, everyone."

"Oh, I had psychology last year. Between surveys and case studies, you kind of meet people. And I made mine so they could be interesting and fun, so they’d come back."

Shawn gazes at a few of the people they passed. Music majors, science majors, even the business majors knew Caroline. A few are looking in his direction. Most people know Shawn from the mock trials because they get published in the school newspaper. His serious reputation has preceded him for quite some time. So naturally, they'd be curious as to why he's suddenly at breakfast with Caroline.

"Everybody's staring," he tells her in a hushed voice.

"Well yeah, it's me standing next to you," she said much louder, already having read the room.

Shawn has noticed the physical contrast of him Caroline before. His lean and broad figure just barely towering over her stocky, compact build is something to behold. They couldn't be more different.

"They might also be staring because of your face," she says as she makes a beeline for the pasta trays.

"What's wrong with my face?"

"Literally nothing. That's why they're staring, genius."

Shawn squints at her. "You have very interesting way of paying me compliments."

She gives him a tender pat on the shoulder. "What are friends for?"

He has to admit to himself, she is entertaining without trying. The honesty that comes with Caroline's words is refreshing. The few girls he's come across in the past hardly ever say what they mean or feel. Kate was one of them.

"Let's sit over there," Caroline nods at a small corner table well lit by a wall of windows. Empty booths are scarce in the cafe. A few feet away from that spot is Jared Price with a handful of law majors. Shawn grabs Caroline’s arm and pulls her behind a wall next to the vending machines. Without meaning to, he’s pinned her into a corner.

“What the hell’s your problem,” she snaps. “I almost dropped my pasta.”

“Shush,” he hisses.

It’s only been a few times that a guy has had Caroline on the wall in this fashion. Shawn’s approach is, of course, in no way romantic and definitely clumsy to say the least. Though she knows it’s probably not intentional, she can’t help but feel the tiniest impulse to misbehave right now.

Shawn’s still tensed up and peering around the corner. She takes a peek. There’s plenty of people to look at and her heart was kind of hoping to see Kate floating in between some of the tables. No one seems to fit the description Shawn’s given her in recent conversations. In fact, his panicked eyes are completed transfixed on a table surrounded by what look like carbon copies of him.

“Must be a law thing to dress like the dean,” she says. “Don’t you want to talk to your kin?”

“Not necessarily,” Shawn says with a shake of his head.

"Well, do you mind," she says looking him up and down. "I'm kind of stuck between a vending machine and a... well, a hard place."

A harsh blush seeps into Shawn's face and neck as he realizes the position he's put them in. Caroline holds her takeout box of food close to her chest in one hand and pushing back on his abs with the other. A wry, all-knowing smile pushes her dimple deeper into her cheek. Shawn bolts backwards.

"S-Sorry, I wasn't trying to-,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, hoping his thoughts would gather up easier that way. “I'm not- I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry."

"No worries Mendes," Caroline pats his chest. "If I have to pinned against a wall by anyone, I'm fine with it being you."

Shawn shields his face with his hand, which is already starting to get clammy and prickly. "Why do you have to make everything so weird?"

"It’s only weird in your head, Shawn. Come on.” She nods in the direction of the other exit, away from the law school table and the rest of the cafe. “We can go eat on the lawn.”

She trots over to the double doors. Her thick messy curls bounce on her shoulders in a manner that's almost teasing. With one backwards shove, she pushes the door open, making room for Shawn to follow after her. He unbuttons his collar, then trudges through the uncomfortable air he’s made for himself. It amazes him how nothing else in the room changes after an encounter so awkward.

The outdoors presents a hot and dry midday heat. As nice as it would be to sit in the air conditioning and eat, Shawn would rather sweat than be stuck arguing about the ethics of this assigned case with Jared Fucking Price.

“Right over here,” Caroline says.

She’s pointing towards one of the few crepe myrtles on campus in the middle of a green lawn. The tree is still young, so it’s shade is small and requires them to sit close if they want to cool off. She’s already made herself at home on the petals scattered at its roots. In any other setting, this whole picture would seem staged, but Caroline looks like she belongs there more than anyone. Shawn takes this brief moment waiting for her to sit down to observe again. Another nuisance of a sensation settles in his gut. He dismisses it as a hunger pain.

He crouches down at her side stiffly. Even in such limited space, he maintains the usual respectful distance. The shaded parts of the grass are soft and cool beneath his palms. Shawn expected to just eat in silence since that’s usually what happens when he’s out with someone other than Harrison. Every time he’s met with Caroline in the past few days, she’s allowed the silence to happen. Now, she’s practically itching to talk.

“So,” she sighs, “are we gonna talk about what that was?”

“I already said I was sorry. Please drop it.”

“Not that,” she sighs. “You totally ghosted your friends the law majors’ table. Why?”

It almost slips out, how much he hates Jared and his elitist herd of followers. Caroline has this way of talking that makes you forget you have secrets. It’s for this reason that he bites his lower lip and chooses his next words carefully. The law department is already a tough enough crowd without them knowing he doesn’t enjoy their miserable company.

“I didn’t ghost anybody worth calling a friend.”

“Oh,” she says, light and flippant in her tone.

“Oh what?”

“It’s just a little cold,” her eyes skirt around his face. “Even for you.”

“You don’t know them, Caroline.”

She throws her hands up. “Hey, I get it. That law department is quite the dickhead factory.”

He shakes his head, well aware that she was throwing him into that lot. “Touchè,” he mutters.

“You always this distant with peers?”

“Do we have to talk about it?”

“No. We don’t have to talk about it,” she eventually says, and she almost sounds sad when she does. “But Shawn, we’ve had these meetings for a few days now. I get that you don’t talk much, but it’s kind of weird not knowing you at all by now.”

"Funny. I believe I've said more about myself in the last four hours than I've told anyone in the last year."

It’s one of those jokes that Shawn thinks is funny at first until no one laughs. It’s even worse in a conversation with only one other person.

“How generous of you,” she deadpans. For the first time since they’ve met, she sounds genuinely irritated with him.

He looks around the environment as if he’ll find something to talk about there. Nothing appears of course and Caroline is still quietly pulling weeds from the grass. Quiet was the intention, but not if it meant her shutting down. He leans back on his hands in the mulch and dirt to stretch his legs out into the sun.

“I wanted to be a musician, you know.”

Caroline’s ears perk up. “That’s...random.”

“Guitar and piano was as far as I got. Long time ago.”

“Were you any good?”

“I was told I was good. I always thought I could’ve been better.”

She snorts, “Yeah sounds about right.”

“Obviously, I changed my mind. Got into debate and ethics in high school.”

“Is that what changed?”

He nods. “So many times the system gets it wrong and sends innocent people to prison. It’s insane, I mean, the amount of laws we have overlapping and changing everyday would surprise you. No scenario is ever so thought out. Not to mention ethics aren’t always in black and white. I could talk for hours about the-”

Shawn grinds to a halt when he finally notices the smile slowly breaking his face. Caroline’s given him her full attention. Somehow, he’s leaned in closer to her, like he does every time he goes on a tangent.

I’m getting carried away,” he sighs.

“No, it’s wonderful,” Caroline cooed. “I’ve never seen you so happy.”

He cocks his head to one side. “Nobody likes a rambler.”

“Guess that makes me the biggest nobody of all.”

She shoulders his arm, rocking him slightly. Shawn’s ears start to burn. He looks down. Caroline’s sweater sleeve has ended up in the mulch somehow. He carefully picks it up, pulling the wood chips gently from the threads before setting neatly onto her thigh. She doesn’t say a word while this is all happening. In fact, she watches his movements intently. He’s going to ask and she wants to be ready.

“I have a question,” he says. “The other night, when you came back to my room for your sweater, why were you— well I thought you were, I don’t know. Maybe I was seeing things-”

“Bawling my eyes out?”

A faint grimace flashes across Shawn’s face.

“I’m not touchy about it,” she assures him. “Short answer is that it belonged to my mom. Then Dad gave it to me when I graduated high school.”

Shawn steals a look at her and she’s smiling softly. “Can I have the long answer?”

Caroline leans back. “It’s a real sob story,” she says loftily. “I’d hate for you start feeling sorry for me.”

“Please, ‘sorry’ is the last thing I’ll ever feel for you, Caroline,” Shawn quips

“Shawn,” says a familiar voice. “Shawn Mendes?”

Shawn looks up and to his disappointment finds Jared Price standing over them casting a condescending shadow at their feet. The other law majors aren’t far behind, coming closer to their spot under the tree. ...

taglist:

@tnhmblive @rulerofnocountry @matchamendes @damselindistressanu @gxccicoffee @yoelleex @5-seconds-of-mendes @darling-shawn @imaginesofdreams @nervousaroundmendes @hiyabich @sinplisticshawn @peterbrokenparker @sauveteen @allaboutthatdrummer @particularnarry @shawnwyr @1am9root

[naegiriweek]

Day Two: Puzzle

A/N: Here’s my entry for Day Two of Naegiri Week 2019.  This takes place shortly after the Class 78th Survivors join the Future Foundation.  Enjoy!

Day Two: Puzzle

The Ultimate Detective and The Ultimate Hope Gaiden: Makoto Learns to Fight?!

  “Makoto…come with me.”

Makoto looked up from his spot on the communal couch to see Kyoko staring down at him.  Curious, he stood up to face her.

“O…Okay.  Sure.  Where did you want to go?”

“…You’ll see.”  Turning on her heel, she started walking, advising “Hurry up!”

Realizing she was almost out of sight, Makoto started running, yelling “Kyoko, wait up!”

XXX

Kyoko pushed open the double doors in front of her to reveal what looked to Makoto like a stereotypical high school gymnasium.  Weights, mats, and other exercise equipment covered the floor.

Seeing Makoto’s confused expression as they walked in, Kyoko explained “The Future Foundation set up this gymnasium as an exercise facility.  It’s open to all Future Foundation employees.”

“Okay…so why did you want to bring me here anyways?”

“Combat training?”

Makoto gaped as he repeated her nonchalant revelation “Co…Combat training?”

Nodding Kyoko continued “That’s right.  I’m going to teach you how to fight.”

Taken aback, Makoto protested “Me, learn how to fight?  But Kyoko, I’m a pacifist, you know that!  There’s no way I’d ever try to fight anyone…”

“This isn’t about training you to pick fights.  What I’m going to train you in is how to protect yourself should you be attacked.” 

Kyoko flashed back to their last few days at Hope’s Peak, when she barely saved Makoto from getting killed by Junko’s knife assault.  Holding back her tears at the guilt-ridden memory, she took a deep breath to compose herself, which didn’t go unnoticed by Makoto.

“I won’t always be there to protect you, Makoto.  Especially in the world we live in now, there may come a time when one of the Remnants tries to attack you, and I’d feel a little more at ease if I could be certain that all of my employees were proficient in basic self-defense.”

She…she’s really serious.  Keeping me safe, really means a lot to her.  And if doing this gives her some peace of mind, how can I say no?  “…Alright Sensei, it would be a privilege to learn from you.  Now, where do we start?”

Rolling her eyes at Makoto’s attempt to lighten the mood, Kyoko smiled and gestured over to the closest mat.  As they arrived, Kyoko stated to explain her knowledge of combat theory.

“The first thing to take into account is…”

XXX

“AGH!  OOF!”

Makoto fell down on his butt for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day.  Kyoko taught him some basic arm and leg movements, and when it came to basic repetition drills, he seemed to do just fine.  But when they moved to doing mock fights, Murphy’s law seemed to take effect; his punches flew way off target, and he would put way too much momentum into his kicks causing him to fall and bump his head.  By the end of the day, Makoto was covered in bruises from head to toe, and Makoto hadn’t even come close to breaking her incredibly basic defense.  To say that Kyoko was frustrated would have been an understatement.

I’m not even going all out!  I made sure he knew the theory and could do the basic repetitions before we started doing this for real.  So why does he keep slipping?  What am I missing as his teacher?

“I…I’m sorry.  I’m probably your lousiest student, aren’t I?”

Not able to find the words to refute his self-depreciation, Kyoko suggested “Why don’t we break for now and pick this up again in a couple of days so your bruises can heal?  Maybe we’ll have better luck next time…”

“Oh, okay.”  Turning around, he started to walk back to his dorm room, calling back “See you tomorrow, Kyoko.”

Frowning as Makoto hung his head dejectedly while exiting the gymnasium, Kyoko pondered “How can I train Makoto as a combatant?  What’s the answer to this puzzle?”

XXX

Several hours later, she still hadn’t found her answer.  Kyoko’s room was littered with pieces of crumpled paper, scrawled with discarded ideas on how to alter her teaching regimen to better make her lessons click with Makoto.

“I don’t get it!  Training Makoto in martial arts seems to be next to impossible!”  Shaking her head at the thought of giving up, Kyoko declared “NO!  Get a hold of yourself, Kyoko Kirigiri.  You’re the Ultimate Detective.  You’ve solved greater mysteries than this!  You’ve just gotta play to Makoto’s strengths.  So think; what is Makoto good at?”

Kyoko instantly flashed back to the various trials at Hope’s Peak, remembering how she was constantly impressed at how easily he pieced together how the murders occurred and who the blackened was.

“He easily gave me a run for my money.  He solved all of those mysteries, those puzzles…”  Kyoko’s eyes widened as she realized “Wait, puzzle!”

She grabbed her notebook again and started writing again, hit by an instant flash of inspiration.

“Maybe…if I present it like this…and get him to analyze it…yes, that could work.  I think I found it!”

XXX

Kyoko threw open the doors of the gymnasium, dragging Makoto by the hood of his signature hoodie with one hand as she held several loose papers in the other.

Okay, what’s going on?  I know she said we’d pick up combat training again after my bruises healed, but why did she feel the need to drag me along without even a word?  And what’s with those papers in her hand?  And why is she smiling?  She looks way too happy!

After approaching the same mat they trained on last session, Kyoko finally let go of his hoodie, bluntly informing him “Your bruises have healed, so we’re going to resume training today.”

Chuckling, Makoto replied “…Yeah, I figured as much.  So what are we starting with?  More drills?”

Kyoko shook her head, much to Makoto’s surprise as she explained “We’re not jumping into physical exercise just yet.  Instead, we’re going to do some theoretical exercises first.”

“Theoretical…exercises?” Makoto asked, baffled and not having a clue what Kyoko even meant.

“…Perhaps an example will make my intentions clear…”

Kyoko sat down on the mat and crossed her legs, gesturing for Makoto to sit down next to her.  Unsure what she was planning to do, but trusting her nonetheless, Makoto followed suit, sitting down on her right.

She handed Makoto a piece of paper and instructed “Read the paragraph aloud.”

Nodding, Makoto read “A local yakuza corners you in an alley and throws a straight punch at your ribcage using his right fist.  What is the optimal course of action for this assault?”

So…she’s trying to teach me with theoretical examples?  Unable to resist, he smiled awkwardly and joked “Run and hide while I wait for you to come kick his butt?”

Rolling her eyes, Kyoko slapped him on the back of his head and admonished “Focus, Naegi-kun.  You need to take this seriously.”

It was rare to hear Kyoko refer to him by his surname, and it only happened when she was lecturing him after making a blunder.  Getting the hint, Makoto rubbed his head and focused, trying to remember her prior lecture about straight punches.

Let’s see…they have a lot of power, but have no directional control once they start.  Reminds me of how Mondo knocked me out during Hope’s Peak.  Shaking the distracting thought away, Makoto thought Lack of directional control, lack of directional control…I got it!  “Well, it would probably to circle your primary arm around his so that you could parry his elbow.  Then you could throw a punch with the same motion to his shoulder to make his stumble and create an opening for escape, right?”

Smiling in victory, Kyoko replied “Very good.  That’s an excellent counterstrategy.  Care to put it into practice?”

Gulping, Makoto nodded and agreed ”Sure, why not?”

With that Kyoko cleared her papers to the side as they both stood up, taking proper stances as their new drill began.

XXX

“AGH!  OOF!”

Kyoko fell flat on her back, shellshocked at how far Makoto had come.  He had executed that first example scenario flawlessly, making her spin as her punch was deflected and his counterattack hit her right shoulder with accuracy.  After that, they rinsed and repeated with all of the other example scenarios Kyoko had written. 

He did them all perfectly.  After just one try.  ONE…FREAKING…TRY!

“Kyoko!  Are you okay?  Did I hit you too hard?”

Kyoko looked up to see Makoto’s worried face staring down at her.  She couldn’t help it; she laughed.  Not just a quiet laugh that she showed more often; this was a full belly laugh. 

“Kyoko?  Are you alright?”

It wasn’t that Makoto never wanted her to laugh, but the current magnitude was uncharacteristic of her, which made him worry that something was wrong.

Finally quieting down, she stood up and assured him “I’m fine, Makoto.”  A proud smile on her face, she praised “Congratulations, Makoto Naegi; you’ve graduated!”

A gleeful grin growing on his face, Makoto bowed and exclaimed “Thank you for your instruction, sensei!”

“I knew this was the best way to teach you.  After all…” Kyoko smirked and finished “You’re really good at puzzles.”

“Puzzles?”  Makoto cocked his head in confusion until he realized “Wait, so those example scenarios…they were…puzzles?”

Nodding, Kyoko explained “I remembered how well you did in the Class Trials, how you pieced the evidence together to solve the mysteries of Hope’s Peak Academy.  You have a very analytical mind, Makoto; all it took was knowing how to apply it.”  Kyoko turned around and said “Well, I’m going to head to my room now; after all, I now have some bruises of my own to nurse.”

“W…wait.  I’ll come with you.  I’ll grab some ice from the kitchen.  It’s the least I can do after I…”

Chuckling, Kyoko acquiesced “Well alright.  I’ll be waiting for you in my room.”

As they temporarily split up, Kyoko couldn’t help but smile as she continued to think of her pupil.

Whether I simply trust him or love him…that’s the real puzzle…one I still can’t figure out… 

[ncityislove]

The Jury is Out

➳Pairing: Renjun x Reader x Jeno (ft a few other Dreamies)

➳Genre: Angsty fluff but mostly angst lol basically enemies to lovers

➳Word Count: 5K

****STORY HAS BEEN RE-EDITED

You were used to working with the guy you disposed most in the world on a day to day basis but one day all that changes when you have to work together after school for two weeks. Was it crazy to want to be friends with your enemy? Was it possible to be something...more?

Part 1/5

Second Chapter

Requested? no bc y’all stay sleeping on my mans but anyways

The air is cold and frigid, causing you to zip up your bright yellow fleece jacket. You regret not bringing your coat, which you had left in your locker because you honestly didn't think you'd need to wear one indoors but you didn't account for the chill of the breeze outside to seep through the cracks of the classroom windows.

You clamp your teeth shut in an attempt to prevent them from chattering as you jot down the notes from the PowerPoint on the board. Normally, you'd be way too invested in the lesson to even notice the temperature but you were doing a dissection tomorrow so you had to learn all about the body parts of pigs. Pigs. As if the anatomy of pigs wasn't straight forward enough.

Finally, the lesson neared its end and your anatomy teacher, Mrs. Brookes, clicks off the PowerPoint and you cram your notes into your overflowing folder.

"I've got an announcement, everyone," calls Mrs. Brookes. 

The class halts their movements to hear her speak. 

"The end of the semester is here and that means finals and all that."

The classroom groans in unison.  

"Yes, yes I know! Boo, finals. But! With finals comes the new semester and that means college applications will be due! So, if anyone wants to get a head start on teacher recommendations—"

Your eyes snap across the room to peer at a “certain someone” only to find he was already glaring at you. Huang Renjun was the top of your class—always has been and probably always will be. Unfortunately, that made you second at everything which was unbelievably insufferable. You were smart, always did your work and gave 100% to everything you did but so did he. And he was always just a little bit better—just a little bit smarter than you and it made your blood boil.

You knew your destiny was to be a judge since you were three years old. You dreamt of wearing the flowy black gown and holding that beautiful wooden gabble as the whole courtroom looked to you, knowing the power you held. You wanted to be the best judge there ever was--a fair judge who brought justice to everyone and you had the perfect plan to do it. You would attend Oxford, get your degree in law, be a lawyer for a few years, five or six maximum and go from there. The only problem with that was that Oxford chose only one student from your school every year for their full-ride scholarship and it just so happened that the student at the top of your class wanted to go there too.

To put the cherry on top, Renjun also hated your guts. He made your life a living hell and often times he’d go out of his way to do so. You can’t remember when the spiteful behavior began but it had been so long it was comfortable. Sometime in middle school he’d had his sight set on you and you haven’t had a peaceful day since.

You shake away your disgruntled thoughts, bringing your attention back to Mrs. Brookes.

"I'd be glad to help out!" Mrs. Brookes smiles. "It would be nice to start now so I won't have to write one-hundred-thirty-two letters at once."

The classroom fills with whispers before Mrs. Brookes quiets them once more. "Also, as you all know, we have a lab tomorrow so go ahead and pick your partners, quickly!"

You sigh, pressing your lips together as your eyes flicker back to Renjun who nodded his head in confirmation of what you already knew. Although the two of you couldn't stand each other, you always worked together to ensure you got the highest grade. This way, you didn't have to deal with lazy partners or someone who just didn't have the intellect to keep up with you.

By lunchtime, you’re practically starving, having skipped breakfast because you overslept. Again.

You purchase a salad, stuffing a fork full of lettuce in your mouth as you set up a small foldable table in the center of the cafeteria. You were in a numerous amount of clubs, one of them being the Red Cross Club, which was currently donating blood to hospital, and you were the first one to volunteer to man the sign-up table.

You managed to get a few sign-ups before people stopped passing by and you quickly get bored. You suck through the straw of your milk carton, unlocking your phone to see you had four unopened messages.

Sadie [11:36]: Heyyyyy girrrrrrl Sadie [11:36]: guess who's coming home? It's me lmao Sadie [11:37]: did you hear about the fire? Some dumb ass freshman burned down the ENTIRE chemistry building so they're letting us out on winter break early for remodeling Sadie [11:38]: can't wait to see you! We've got so much to catch up on about Jodie ;)

You roll your eyes shoving your phone back into your pocket. There was a point in time when you and your sister were practically joint at the hip, always together no matter what. Secret handshakes, your own made-up languages and all that, but it wasn't like that anymore. You weren't exactly sure when the rift began but you were very much aware of it now. The only person who seemed to not notice was Sadie. The last thing you wanted to do was be stuck in the same house with her for who knows how long, let alone talk about her idiot of a boyfriend, Jodie.

 A deep bellow and a loud guffaw drags you out of your thoughts as your eyes follow the source of the sound. Lee Jeno was doubled over in laughter, as were the rest of his friends, slamming his fist down on the table as everyone around him erupted into applause. You hate people who clapped when they laughed. You also hate people who obnoxiously drew attention to themselves in public but you couldn't stop your heart from swooning while watching him do those very things. There wasn't a shortage of good looking boys at your school but none of them ever had the effect that Jeno did on you. It's not that you have a crush on him—not even close. He was just so damn dreamy. You’ve had your fair share of interactions with Jeno, him being Renjun’s best friend and a member of two of the clubs you were in. He was in student council just like you but instead of being the useless treasurer, he was the Vice President (and of course Renjun was class president) and the best soccer goalie the school's had in...well, ever. It was the combination of his good looks, you think, and intelligence that was so attractive to you.

You had certain rules that you set for yourself to ensure your high school career went perfectly. Although it was kind of corny, it worked for you. You had a plan and you were going to succeed.

Rule number one: no parties. 

Rule number two: no drinking. 

And most importantly, rule number three: no dating. 

Having a boyfriend would be a huge distraction and you couldn't risk your future on some relationship that wouldn't last past graduation but sometimes you couldn't help wishing you hadn't made the rule for the sake of Jeno's existence.

You made a sour face at the group of boys, shivering when you feel a pair of eyes burning a hole in your head. You glance over two seats from Jeno to find Renjun inspecting you with an unreadable expression. You stare back for a moment before looking away, a look of displeasure evident on your face. You were quite thoroughly creeped out. Geez, were you in some kind of movie or something? You were competing against each other but you weren't arch enemies or anything like that.

When the final bell rang at the end of the day, everyone rushed off to get on the big yellow buses and go home. You rarely hardly ever rode the bus, having too many extra-curricular activities after school and just outright preferring to walk in the mornings. Mondays and Wednesdays you had mock-trial club, STEM and chess club were both on Tuesdays, and book club and Red Cross were every other Thursday before school. On top of all that, you were captain of the varsity volleyball team. A large part of you only wanted to join because you thought the uniforms were cute but you also needed a sport to put on your college application.

Today is Wednesday and you were on your way to Mr. Koffee's class for mock trial. Mr. Koffee wasn't the most interesting person in the world but you always looked forward to his club meetings the most out of all your other extra-curriculars. It was mostly because it was the closest thing to being a real lawyer you'll have for a long while.

By the time you make it to the classroom, all the seats were taken except for the one right next to Jeno so you quickly cease it, receiving cold looks from your female peers. You shrug it off, not really paying them any attention. If there was another seat you would've taken it but seeing as there were more people there today than usual  you had no choice. Renjun sat behind you typing away at his phone, ignoring your presence as usual.

Mr. Koffee strides into the room, closing the door behind him. The students shift their attention to him as he stands in front of his desk, arms folded.

"Well isn't this a surprise. Everyone decided to show up today." 

The class laughs but you could tell by his expression it wasn't meant to be a joke.

"Quiet down, everyone," he begins. "We've got some major trials next year against some big schools and I have no doubt we'll win them all but I'd still like us to be prepared. I think our performance level would greatly benefit if you were able to do a trial without me involved so I'm stepping down from my role as Chief Justice."

Your ears perk up at this. You often alternate between being the defending attorney and a juror but neither role satisfied you in the way you knew being the judge would. You struggle to hold in your giddiness as the teacher continues.

"I'll be choosing the best-fit person to play Chief Justice sometime between now and next week if anyone's interested."

"Mr. Koffee," you call out, raising your hand. " I don't think it will be too hard to decide considering I'm the obvious choice."

Jeno snickers at your words and Renjun scoffs.

"Suddenly, I think I want to be the judge." Renjun muses, his finger tapping his lips lightly. 

You withhold the urge to hit him on the back of his stupid, round head.

 "Mr. Koffee, I'd like to be judge, too!"

Your neck almost snaps at how quickly you turn your head to gawk at him. "What do you think you're doing?"

Renjun's lips twist into a lopsided smirk.  "What do you mean? I’m taking my role of chief justice, obviously."

You glower at him. "You are such a--"

"__!" Mr. Koffee scolds.

You mumble an apology but your eyes never leave Renjun's. He must really get a kick out of making your life a living hell, didn't he? He wanted to be a lawyer when he graduates so why on Earth was he volunteering, knowing damn well how badly you wanted this? He already had everything he wanted and he was probably going to get the scholarship at Oxford anyways—what more did he want? Why did he still take things away from you when you never had a chance in the first place?

"Like I said," Mr. Koffee continues. "I'll come to a decision at the end of next week. Moving on," he begins pacing across the front. "The school carnival is in two weeks and I registered the club on the list to have a booth. Are there any volunteer—"

"Me!" You and Renjun shout at the same time. You both cast glances at each other before looking back at the teacher to hear his decision. Volunteering to run the booth wasn't the best idea. You already had enough on your plate as is but you knew you would have a better chance of being chosen if you did this and so did Renjun which was why he couldn't let you do that.

"Okay, Perfect. You two will run the booth for the carnival," he announces, clasping his hands together.

You gape at him, horrified. Now, what have you gotten yourself into? You glimpse at Renjun who's expression was not too far off from yours. Jeno cracks up in his chair, his shoulders shaking in laughter, clearly enjoying this.

"Oh this is gonna be good," he giggles.

"I needed two people but I thought no one would volunteer," Mr. Koffee explains, his lips almost curving into a smile for once. "Now let's move on to our next case, shall we?"

--

The drive home is dull. You pick at your chipping nail polish as your mom blabs on and on about Sadie. Her words go through one ear and out of the other, her voice drowning into the hum of the engine and the wind flowing in through the window. Your thoughts are filled with Renjun and murdering him in cold blood. This was something you could never forgive him for.

Your mom parks the car in the garage, and you grab your bookbag as you wait for her to unlock the door. The weather only seemed to get colder and colder and it only worsened your mood. With the all your school work and club activities, you were sure the added on stress from Sadie coming home months early would be  your end. You could see it on the news now, Young Teen Found Dead With Premature Wrinkles And a Notebook Full of Plans for Murder. 

The house was warm and welcoming compared to the harsh temperatures outside. You remove your shoes and jacket and scurry up the stairs before your mom could talk your ear off some more about your sister.

You plop down on your bed, crawling under your honey yellow duvet, finding an escape from the world for a moment. Every now and then, when life just felt like it was a little too much, you’d hide under your covers like a child. You’ve been doing this a lot lately, taking refuge in the safety of your covers when Renjun had done something to ruin your day. Just three days ago, you were in this very same spot after Renjun tripped you in front of everybody during second period. It took a lot to embarrass you and because everyone saw him trip you, that didn't bother you much. It was the bruise on your elbow you got trying to break your fall that pissed you off. It was the fact that he got away with tripping you in front of so many eyes and yet, he didn’t get in trouble. He never did. He was the perfect model student. The class president could never do any wrong. 

You weren't sure how much time had passed while you were under there but you figure you ought to start on your math homework so you could finish your English paper early.

After a few hours, your parents call you down for dinner. Your dad had just got home, setting the table in his work clothes. Your parents invested themselves in a conversation of the weather which inevitably turned into a bubbly discussion about Sadie. Expecting this, you eat as quickly as possible trying to flee back to your room. Surprisingly, you're able to leave with ease, your parents too excited about Sadie's arrival to notice you leaving the table early. 

--

You're shocked awake by a heavy object thrown on top of you. Your eyes pop open, your heart thudding in your chest as you notice the familiar mop of hair splayed across your face. The high-pitched squeal only confirmed who the culprit was.

"Sadie?" you whine, groggily.

She lifts her head up, but not enough to remove her hair off of your face.

"Missed me?"

"Not really," you try to push her off which only resulted in her squeezing you tighter.

"There's that sense of humor I missed so much."

You roll your eyes. I wasn't joking, you wanted to say but you bite your tongue. 

"Why'd you wake me up? I already have to get up early enough for school."

Sadie finally sits up, her lips pursed. "Oh? But doesn't school start in like twenty minutes?"

"WHAT?!?" you glance at your alarm clock and she was right. You must've forgotten to set your alarm last night. You sigh throwing your legs over the edge of the mattress.

"If you need a ride I can drive you," Sadie offers.

You stare straight ahead at the yellow walls in front of you. Suddenly, you regret choosing such a bright and happy color for your room theme when oftentimes you felt anything but happy. It was your favorite color at the time and it still is today but you were starting to get sick of it. It felt as if your room was mocking you. Even your bedroom was happier than you.

"No thanks," you say, getting up and rushing to get dressed.

Sadie sighs but thankfully leaves you alone. When you go to the kitchen to grab your breakfast, you're surprised to see a feaast large enough to feed a vilage instead of your usual bagel and banana.

"What's all this? And where's mom?" you ask, running out of the kitchen.

Your father looks at you briefly before his eyes go back to the thick novel he was holding. "She's out running errands. We have to celebrate Sadie coming home, dear."

Sadie smiles, patting the chair next to her.

You frown. "Yeah, well, I'm already late so I'm gonna head out."

"Young lady!” your father barks, stopping you dead in your tracks. “Just where do you think you're going? Your mom wanted us all to eat together and that's what we're going to do. You'll have enough time to eat if Sadie drives you--now how does that sound Sadie?"

"That's okay with me," she chirps.

"What's the use of eating 'all together' if mom's not even here?" you exasperate, air quoting with your fingers.

"I will not allow you to waste the good food your mother worked so hard to make for the whole family, now sit down and enjoy your breakfast with your sister," he says, returning back to his book.

You sigh in resignation, taking the seat next to Sadie, who claps her hands excitedly.

You do your best to say as little as possible to Sadie, only giving her a 'yes' or 'no' when she asked a question. When you arrive at school, you hopped out of the car without saying goodbye, which you would regret all too soon because she decides to wish you good luck in the loudest voice she could muster. You pull your hood up when everyone stares at you, having recognized your sister immediately. People start to crowd around her car greeting her like she was a celebrity or something and you grit your teeth, stalking into the building. 

This was exactly why you didn't want her to drive you to school. Not only were you second best at school but at home as well. Everyone loves Sadie. She’s pretty, smart and fun and, well, she was the complete opposite of you. She never turned down the opportunity to have a good time and somehow still managed to pass her classes with ease. Even having graduated high school two years ago, she was still as popular as ever, her existence leaving a permanent imprint on the school. Even the freshman knew your sister's name.

You re-adjust your headband as you enter Mrs. Brookes' class, feeling somewhat relieved you weren't late. Your table was occupied by a large animal that looked like roadkill and on top of that, the awful chemical smell burned your nostrils. You gag as you drop your items to the ground. Renjun's book bag slams into the chair next to you causing you to jump out of your skin.

His lips slant into a smirk as he examines your appearance. "Why're your clothes all wrinkly?"

You looked down at your uniform, noticing its creased state for the first time this morning. You could just add ironing along to the list of things you forgot to do last night.

You send him a dirty look as you smooth your skirt down with your hands. You were still mad at him for yesterday and would rather cut your left leg off than to work with him today but you already told Mrs. Brookes you were partners and you knew she wouldn't let you change partners last minute.

The bell rings and Mrs. Brookes goes over the lab rules, passing out your assignment. You and Renjun put your gloves on as instructed, deciding to split the work in half, you doing the front of the paper and him the back. You made an incision at the stomach, charting the intestines on your worksheet. You look up to check on Renjun's progress to see him poking at the swine with a shaky hand, his face a ghastly pale. You almost laugh out loud. Maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all. Renjun had a weakness?

You snatch the scalpel from him, slitting the pig's neck open and he flinches. 

"Is that so hard?" you ask, handing him the blade back. 

Renjun swallows as he takes the tweezers and pauses to re-read the directions for an unnecessary amount of time. You let out an impatient sigh and Renjun finally puts the paper down and inserts the tweezers into the pig, searching for an artery with his body as far away from the animal as he could manage. When he let out a girlish yelp, you decide you’ve had enough, slamming down your scalpel.

"Give me that," you snap. 

Renjun hands you the tweezers with no hesitation, stepping a safe few steps away from the table. 

"Look, I'll do all the physical work and you just write the answers down okay?"

"O-okay," he nods, his face was now a dangerous shade of green. For a millisecond, you feel bad for him but then you remember how much of a complete jerk he is.

Renjun is mostly silent as you do all the hard work and he copies the answers onto the worksheets. You don’t tease anymore for the sake of keeping him from hurling in front of you. 

If you thought Anatomy class was weird then lunch was double weird. When you arrive at the sign-up table, there’s someone sitting in the seat next to yours--which was supposed to be empty last time you checked--and of course, it wasn't just anybody--no, that would be too easy. Haven Geller, Renjun's ex-girlfriend, of all people was sitting in the chair next to yours, dill-dallying with her hair as if she doesn’t see you standing in front of her.

You simply shake your head and sit down. "I thought I was the only one doing sign-ups today."

Haven feigns just noticing your presence. "Oh! Hey, y/n, didn't see you there."

You scowl but say nothing. This wasn't your first meeting with Haven. She was on the volleyball team with you and as you were team captain, you've had your fair share of hiccups with Haven. She wasn't a bad person per se, although you didn't know her very well, you could assume she could be honorable when needed. It was her attitude that you really had a problem with. She never followed instructions and she never went to class. It was this kind of behavior that almost got her kicked off the team several times and she always acted like she didn't care. It was mind baffling that Haven and Renjun we're together so long. You wouldn't have imagined they'd get together at all, them being polar opposites and all.

"I talked to the teacher about it and," she pauses to pop a bubble with her chewing gum, "she said I could help out. I need more volunteer hours to put on my application, you know?"

You nod your head in understanding, chomping on your celery as Renjun and Jeno approach you, lunch trays in hand. Haven straitens up in her chair, smiling at the boys.

"Hey, __. You wanna sit with us today?" Renjun asks.

Haven is just as surprised as you, if not more at the question directed towards you.

"We need to start planning out how we're gonna do the booth for the fair." he continues.

You look skeptical. Didn't he know that only people who are friends sit together at lunch? And you most certainly were not friends with Renjun.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass," you decline, taking another bite of your celery.

Jeno smiles at you and you looked away, your face heating up.

"Look, I'm sorry alright? I know I shouldn't have volunteered to be the judge and I know I shouldn't have volunteered to do the booth and I apologize. Please? Come sit at our table."

Your face is stoic as you mull over his words. Renjun never apologized for anything because he was never sorry. You were seeing a lot of firsts for Renjun today. There was a silence between all of you before Haven took the opportunity to greet Renjun.

"Hey, Junie! It's nice to see you," she chirps.

Renjun nods at her before turning back to look at you.

You looked back in forth between them, weirded out by the odd exchange. Did they get back together? You didn't keep tabs on Renjun's love life, it was more so his academics that you were more interested in but the last time you saw them together was before school ended last semester.

Jeno steps forward, drawing your attention. "Hey, so, I'm throwing a victory party at my place this Friday by the way. You should come."

Your eyes widen. "Me?"

"Her?" Renjun asks, equally exasperated.

Jeno wrapped an arm around Renjun's shoulder, jostling him a little. "What do 'ya say?"

No.

"I'll think about it," you say and you're shocked by your own response. You should've been upfront about it but you found it hard to say no to Jeno. It was against your rules after all--and besides you wouldn’t even know how to behave at a party. You had nothing to wear either. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't go.

“Isn’t a little premature to schedule a party before you’ve even won the game?” you inquire.

“Not if I know we’re gonna win it’s not.”

Renjun blinks, shaking his head. "Erm, anyway--are you gonna sit with us or not?"

"You can go," Haven says, smiling at you. "I'll hold down the fort."

You still feel unsure but Renjun was grabbing your book bag and food before you could protest her offer. "W-well okay, thanks, Haven."

"No problem!" she exclaims, grinning, although it doesn't reach her eyes.

Sitting at Renjun's table has to be one of the strangest experiences you’ve ever had. Everyone was so loud and rowdy and on top of that, they were all staring at you. You feel so out of place and Jeno, sensing your discomfort, introduces you to everyone. The ones sitting directly across you though, Haechan and Jaemin, seem to stick out the most to you.

You and Renjun exchange a few ideas for the booth, eventually agreeing on a courtroom theme.

"You guys are like two Einsteins," Jeno jokes.

"Yeah, except __ is smarter," Haechan chuckles.

"And way prettier," Jeno adds.

Your cheeks tinge a baby pink as you deny the boys' words.

"Can you guys shut up? We're a little busy here," Renjun grumbles as he scribbles messily in his notebook.

"But it's true. __’s gorgeous."

Renjun just rolls his eyes bringing the conversation back to the booth. After a few minutes of Jeno throwing endless compliments your way, Renjun looked like he was quite literally about to pop.

"Jeno--for Christ's sake! Can you not flirt with my lab partner?? We're working here!"

"Lab partner? You’re not even doing science, man,” he snickers.  “And isn't the school fair not for another two weeks?" Jeno counters with an innocent smile.

You could've sworn you saw Renjun's eye twitch as Haechan and Jaemin burst into laughter.

"Bro, how many times do we have to tell you to relax?" Jaemin snorts, reaching over the table to touch his shoulder.

"Yeah," Jeno says, propping an elbow on the table. "It's not like you're being graded on this anyways."

Renjun groans, throwing his head in his hands.

"Maybe that's true but I'd prefer to not half-ass this, considering what's at stake," you chime in, feeling the need to defend him.

Renjun peeks in between his fingers at your words.

"And what's at stake?" he asks.

"Things you wouldn't understand, Jeno."

Jaemin cackles and Haechan covers his mouth, ‘ooh’ing at your response.

"Oh yeah?" Jeno raises an eyebrow. "Try me."

"Maybe another time," you say, grabbing your bag. "I'll see you after school, Renjun."

The bell rings just as you get up and you push past the doors, not looking back.

-

After the last bell rings, you squeeze through the sea of people down to the track field. Students shove passed you, brushing your shoulder as they run to get to their buses in time. Your eyes water as the harsh wind blows against you and you stuff your freezing hands into the pockets of your padded coat. Despite the cold weather, the track team was getting ready for practice and you thank the heavens you played an indoor sport.

There’s two other people preparing their booths and you were glad you and Renjun weren't the only ones starting early. You pick out the least disgusting table and pull it up on its legs. Dust flies everywhere and you swat at the air vengefully. You look at the time on your watch. Renjun is late.

You wipe off the table with an old dirty rag and sit on it, refusing to do any more work on your own. When Renjun finally shows up, it’s fifteen minutes later and he’s carrying a black metal box and a bucket full of spray paint.

"Look who decided to show up," you place a hand on your hip.

Renjun gives you a pointed look. "I had to go get all the supplies."

"I didn't know it took so long to get a few cans of paint," you mutter, dusting off the back of your jeans.

It's not like you had all day to do this. You had homework to do! Papers to write!

"__, can you maybe not be so uptight for once? It's not like I took my time to get here, I walked as fast as I could."

"Uptight?" You repeat. "I'm not the one who was freaking out at lunch today over a school fair booth, if I remember correctly. And your friends are trash by the way."

Renjun slams the metal box on the table. "Don't talk about my friends. You don't know them and you don't know me, so mind your own damn business," he snarls.

For a moment all you see is red. Renjun is such an ass. This is the last straw. You can’t take his insults any more. After all he’s put you through, especially after yesterday’s antics, he had the nerve to talk to you like that?

"I don't know you?” you hiss.  “We've had the same classes together since junior high, idiot. I know that you carry around two packs of number two pencils for no logical reason and I know that your bookbag looks like it was a filing cabinet in its past life. Hell, I wish I didn't know you, that's for sure, because then I wouldn't be out here in the freezing cold building a stupid booth with the likes of you!"

You hadn’t intended to say those words out loud but you couldn't deny how good it felt to say it. Maybe you were a bit harsh but who cares? He's said way worse to you countless times.

Renjun stands there staring at you for a beat, his fists clenched into a tight ball before he storms off, snatching his book bag and dragging it on the ground behind him.

"Where do you think you're going?" you call after him. "What about the booth?!"

You watch with your mouth hanging open as Renjun kept walking until his figure becomes too small to see. Who knew he could be so sensitive? You assumed he would just brush off your words as he always did but it seems you struck a chord. 

You chew your bottom lip as you angrily stare at the table. No matter what Renjun could’ve said to you, you wouldn't leave him to do all the work on his own.

You curse under your breath as you grab a can of spray paint, shaking it with force. You stayed after school for a reason and you were going to do what you came to do, with or without Renjun.

[neo-3njou]

Audio Log 4 | Stardate 2204

@deckspair​

Check, check... Okay, I probably should explain why this is a thing.

Like I’ve said, I don’t believe all of us will make it out of here alive. Or the same as they are now. That’s why I want to immortalize them here in my own logs, a reminder of who they are, and not who they may or will be in the future whatever it holds. Call it a snapshot of the closest friends I’ve made down here, something I’ll be able to remember them by.

And hopefully, in the future, we can sit down and listen to this and laugh about it instead of saving it as a memorial of what used to be.

Let’s start out with my roommates. Shinobu Matsuba is a wonderful person who just needs a touch more confidence in themselves. Understandably, we became fast friends through just living together, but I think the events after the first motive helped bring us closer together - in suffering, admittedly, but hey, misery breeds character after all. Since then, we’ve been exploring around the submersible and trying to understand what’s keeping us here, and I’ve found out a couple more things about him that I didn’t know before. Hopefully, there will be more of those posters for me to collect and give to him - he seems really cheered up by them, helpful when we’re all stuck in this mess.

While I don’t always see eye to eye with Nonoka Kadoya, and not just because she likes to cover one of them up, she’s undoubtedly a wonderful roommate too. During the whole pudding debacle, I had to rely on her a little to keep an eye out on Shinobu-san - when I was pretty out of it myself, thanks fatigue and nausea. We’ve also had a duel, and while the outcome’s irrelevant I think we’ve managed to get to know each other better through it. I hope she doesn’t think I’m mocking her by replying in D&Dish... It’s actually kind of endearing, even if I don’t quite understand her half the time. Reminds me of an old chuunibyou friend of mine.

I don’t know if Law N. Oda thinks of me any more than a nuisance, but I’d like to be her friend... She needs to learn how to relax, that girl. Sixteen is no time of your life to take on so much responsibility, let alone try to be the boss of a class of dysfunctional, hormonal teenagers. I can at least sense that despite her strict nature and oftentimes domineering personality, there’s a sense of justice under all of that... but I’ll also admit talking to her can get on my nerves sometimes. Stubbornness must come with being short, as I can definitely attest. 

And while Sayuri Nishu is... pretty short as well, I imagine her stubbornness is muted in favour of a very graceful personality. I enjoy our talks together, not just because I’m hoping to go into the medical field like her someday, but it’s just... relaxing to be able to just talk to someone without worrying too much about the possibility that they’ll judge you. She doesn’t strike me as that kind of person, and for that I already like her a lot. Conversations seem to flow pretty easily between the two of us.

I don’t really know Mizuo Suido very well, but I’m at least certain he’s trying his best too. He’s Akira’s roommate, taller than me by over a foot, and has a palate for romantic vampire novels... Thankfully not the ones I’m familiar with, but it is quite amusing all the same. I don’t think we’re exactly friends just yet, more like friendly acquaintances... but there’s potential.

Conversely, I ended up knowing more about Kosuke Nakamura than I should probably have expected. Part of it was getting that picture in the mail, but the other part is probably how strongly he feels about it. And cats, but cats are a universal constant and conversation starter and it comes as to no surprise that  we bonded over mine. I hope you’re okay by the way, Haroo... I’ll be back soon.

Student council pres Genko Junshu has me both in awe and worried about her at times. Before and after trial, I could talk to her very easily and learn more on why she does things the way she do, but I can sense some discomfort within. Her view of the world... naive is too strong a word, perhaps quite unambiguous will suffice? It’s quite black and white, and while that’s not a bad thing, it’ll gnaw on her throughout her stay here if she can’t adapt. We’re out of our comfort zone and struggling to survive together as it is - I can’t help but fear for her if she ends up biting off more than she can personally chew. It doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful young woman, and I’m going to try my best to bring her back home.

Which applies to all of them, really, but even moreso Alotte Ness. This isn’t exactly the kind of welcoming I’d like for Japan to give Norway, and I can only hope that the reality of the situation will make her braver through time. But as long as she can hold onto the caring and sweet part of her demeanour and not compromise her very sincere morals, I think she’ll be just fine. I feel the need to just protect her... she’s too nice for this cutthroat regime. If things were different, I’d really have loved to, well, I suppose ruminating on that won’t help anyone, least of all each other. Right now we will just have to remain friends, I guess.

And of course, I’ve found a new big sister in Akira Akatsuki. Despite the fact we probably bully each other on a regular basis - correction, she bullies me, I only ever poke fun at her while she’ll flick my forehead - I think I feel the closest to her after knowing her for the weeks we’ve been here. She’s hilarious, kick-ass, takes absolutely no bullshit and honest even if it could get her in trouble... all the things I wish I could be and get away with it. Besides, we both come from lower privileged households, and I think we both know the value of what we have and what we have not. It’s a simple, refreshing outlook on life that we both can see, and I’m definitely going to see to it she goes to Universal Studios on her break, with her siblings. I’m going to let her have her day off even if it hurts me later.

The rest are just as important, well, most of them... But for some I just haven’t gotten to know them enough to form an opinion without jumping to conclusions, and others I’d rather not talk about. Muneyuki-sensei always said that if you haven’t anything nice to say about someone, best not to say anything at all. Discretion is the better part of valour... that, and I really don’t have anything complimentary I’d like to say right now about a certain few.

Just because I like people doesn’t mean I’m not biased or opinionated. Even god plays favourites sometimes.

That’s all I have to say for now. I’ll continue to cling onto that shred of hope that the rest of them will make it out somehow... even if the rational part of me knows that I shouldn’t be blindly optimistic. It’s not wrong to hold onto a smile, though, isn’t it?

Until next time. Nutty Neo, out.

[stretchemersonarchive]

I went to a Trump Inauguration and All I Got Was This Dumb Story

By Jillian Petroski

                                                           2012

I was thirteen and desperately wanted an out. An out from the mundane averageness I’d been born into and felt doomed to. I wanted an escape from teenage angst and the throws of malicious puberty. I felt beyond my years and ready for college, ready to skip the glorified high school experience and propel myself into the next chapter of my life. Yet, I was aware of my youth and my naivety, something I tried so desperately to deny. I was confused, lost, and a complete asshole.

Around this time, my best friend’s sister was a senior at the high school I had dreaded so passionately. She was preparing to go on a week-long trip to President Obama’s second inauguration. The high school’s inauguration trip was a glorified and elite event. Only seniors were allowed to participate and, obviously, it only happened every four years. I remember seeing article after article plastered on the front page of the local newspaper about the trip, a gaggle of ordinary teenagers doing extraordinary things. I was so uncertain about high school and what it would bring me, but what I was certain of was that I wanted to go on this trip. I, a girl so desperate to be more than an average middle class caricature, wanted to be a part of something that made me different and special, that made me the subject of awe. And it just happened that my graduating year fell on an election year. From that point on, it was a patient and thrilling four and half year waiting game. And then came November 8, 2016.

                                                       2016

I was a senior in high school. It was a rapidly changing time in my life. I was furiously filling out college application after college application while desperately trying to choose what to do with the rest of my life. In conversations, I told people I’d probably major in law, a denial of the secret improbable career in comedy I so badly wanted. I was at a crossroads not only in my future, but in my present, as I began to cope with the idea that I’d be leaving the bubble I was born and raised in and starting anew in a frightening new world. I had wanted to move out since I had conceptualized the idea of it, yet its impending actuality became more and more looming. To top it all off, my work load was heavy, filled with AP classes and extracurriculars.

And as my life was changing, so was the nation. The political climate was turbulent; the two frontrunners for the presidency were a former First Lady and richer, doughier Mr. Burns. It was two extreme sides of the spectrum, a coin toss of heads and nuclear destruction. However, to me, one side seemed completely implausible, nothing more than a bad dream. Because of this, at a time where I was uncertain of virtually everything, I paid for my trip to the presidential inauguration in full, all $1,500, before the election, with more certainty than I’d had in years. And up until roughly 9:30 pm on election night, I still had that enthusiastic certainty that I, a girl from Scranton, Pennsylvania, was going to see the inauguration of the first female President.

                                             November 9th, 2016

I spent that morning frantically asking the trip moderator if I could get a refund (I could not) and spending first period in the principal office, for my sarcastic comment on the morning announcements about the president-elect that had “disrespected the troops”, as a teacher had claimed. I was confused and hurt that this had happened to our country, how the only thing I was certain about wasn’t even certain anymore. I thought about the recent comedic writing sample I’d sent to Emerson College and how and if my comedy and I would ever fit in this new America. I thought about the years of political comedy, which was my desired field, that had shaped my dreams, aspirations, and comedic style was now in grave jeopardy. I called my 88 year-old grandmother, who had primarily paid for my trip. She told me not to go, that the money didn’t matter, that she didn’t “want me to be around that asshole.” As heartbroken as I was, I told her I had to go, that the guilt of wasting the money would weigh too heavily on me. And I tried to convince both her and myself that I would still witness history, as wrong and white as it was. So, I prayed for the next two months to drag by, dreading the impending week I’d spend at a celebration for a newer, uglier America.

                                                        2017

January 17. To my chagrin, the day had come for me to embark on a thrilling six day trip to Washington, D.C. The itinerary consisted of Senator meet-and-greets, museum trips, and sight-seeing; the classic field trip happenings. However, bold black letters against the pure white paper announced the events of Friday: Presidential inauguration. Many of my peers on the trip made frequent and original jokes about these events, about the inaugural concert lineup and “orange” President. Internally, I was angry that people could make jokes about the impending turmoil of our country. Yet, externally, I was making jokes, too, talking in an obnoxious Southern accent, sardonically boasting about my love of the new president and incest in the same sentence. Looking back, it was probably a coping mechanism. At the time, it was the only way to voice my frustration.

The first three days flew by. Museum after museum, monument after monument. Thursday night was the thrilling inaugural concert that I left after twenty minutes to get ice cream, tragically missing Toby Keith and Three Doors Down. I truly was having fun, be it completely sleep deprived. As an avid lover of history, the trip was truly fascinating and made even more fun by the constant presence and laughs of some of my closest friends. Yet, Friday’s events constantly loomed over me, like a black cloud or angry cat. My frustration and angry still ran high. We were required to write student articles for the local newspaper about our trip and thoughts. My article was immediately rejected by my teacher for being “too partisan.” I often observed my sixteen peers. Out of the five of us eligible to vote, three voted for Trump, two for Gary Johnson. I wanted to scream at them, hit them and make them feel the devastation and angry that I was. I wanted to know why they used their power so poorly, why they did this to me and to our country. But I didn’t. I know now that my frustration was caused by something bigger, by the frightening purgatory I was in trying to find my footing when it seemed everyone had their lives perfectly intact. But Trump being an incoherent wildebeest certainly didn’t help.

3:30 am. January 20. I was dreadful and sad, yet defeated. There was no magical twister that swept Trump away, no divine intervention that gifted Hillary the presidency. It was happening and I had to see it live. I was warned by my teachers not to make a scene and to smile. I tried to joke and smile, to make a mockery of the absurd scene unfolding in front of me. I was ordered to eat my pop tart and play Temple Run on my phone whenever something worth mocking happened. I was told to take happy pictures in front of the American flag-clad Capitol Building, to stand among people championing things that made me sick. It felt dirty, both metaphorically and literally because I was covered in mud caused by a gloomy and angry raining sky. One of my classmates began viciously throwing up in a porta-potty. I found it symbolic. By the time Hillary Clinton was announced, I looked around at the people aggressively booing her around me. I saw the people on my left from Flint, Michigan and the family on my right telling their son, who was around six or seven, that she was an evil bitch. I then looked down at my favorite Adidas, caked in dirt and mud. I began to cry. I hid in my ugly blue poncho, drowning out the cheers and booming speeches, turning away from the sea of red hats. It was like being at a party full of distant relatives and bad catered food, except these were celebratory strangers and I hated them.

The next day I went to the Women’s March on Washington. It was the best and most hopeful day of my life. That Sunday, I went back home. I found out my 88 year old grandmother had died while I was gone, ten minutes before midnight on Thursday. She hadn’t been sick, but we like to think she just didn’t want to live in Trump’s America. It was a sign that my life had begun shifting along with the country and was not going to stop. That spring, I was the lead in my school’s musical and lead my school’s mock trial team. By April, I had committed to Emerson for comedy, confidently taking the risk with my grandmother’s fearless confidence. Looking back, that week I spent in Washington is certainly a great conversation starter. It’s a great stand-up bit and late night blurb I can use for uses. It was also one of the defining moments in my life. I began to find my voice as an adult, both politically and comedically, away from the cocoon of my home. It was my concrete proof that I could live and think independently. I knew that I could try out comedy. Because if a guy who looked like a Scooby Doo villain could be president, I could be a comedian.

[promisetostudy-blog]

TMI

I decided to answer all of these because I have no followers yet and I just wanted to.

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? my mom probably 2. Are you outgoing or shy? somewhere in between 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my friend, Tom, at lunch 4. Are you easy to get along with? sometimes, I’m stubborn 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I like no one 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? people who are socially aware and genuine 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? hah 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my friend because I’ll see him tomorrow and I haven’t seen him in years 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No, I’m comfortable with my sexuality 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? don’t recall 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? a kissy face emoji to my best friend 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Slide- Calvin Harris, Cringe-Matt Maeson, Redbone-Childish Gambino, Feel it Still-Portugal the Man, Devil Like Me- Rainbow Kitten Suprise 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? luuuv it 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? ehh I believe in the law of attraction though 15. What good thing happened this summer? I got my first job 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? not in a million years 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probably but it freaks me out 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I sometimes talk to my first “boyfriend” 19. Do you like bubble baths? luv em, makes me feel like a kid 20. Do you like your neighbors? some of them, one of them is nosy 21. What are you bad habits? oh boy. One of them is biting my nails. 22. Where would you like to travel? Spain, I’m half Spaniard. 23. Do you have trust issues? yeah, thanks to my last relationship 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? rose hip oil 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my boobs 26. What do you do when you wake up? go back to sleep 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? sometimes I wish I was more tan but I’m happy with myself and everyone should feel content with their skin. 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my mom 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? once but then they did it again so 30. Do you ever want to get married? if it’s the right time and person 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yeah 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? dev patel and shay mitchell 33. Spell your name with your chin. szazb 34. Do you play sports? What sports? nope, I’ve tried every sport under the moon 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? definitely 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, I let it linger until we suffocate from the silence 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? educated, honest, loyal, compassionate 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? pacsun, tilly’s, h&m 40. What do you want to do after high school? go to college and study who knows what 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? some do, some don’t 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that I’m thinking or uncomfortable 43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? neither, both are terrifying to me. if i had to choose I’d say the ocean because space is just too much. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? my terrible attendance 46. What are you paranoid about? ghosts 47. Have you ever been high? a few times 48. Have you ever been drunk? nope 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not really 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? grey 51. Ever wished you were someone else? sure, most people have 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my acne scars 53. Favourite makeup brand? ABH or NYX 54. Favourite store? target, ulta 55. Favourite blog? I like studyblrs 56. Favourite colour? green or blue, I actually don’t know 57. Favourite food?  mac n cheese, tacos, carne asada fries 58. Last thing you ate? a popsicle 59. First thing you ate this morning? eggs, a bagel, and sausage 60. Ever won a competition? For what? The spelling bee, Mock Trial 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? never, I’m a goody two shoes 62. Been arrested? For what? nope 63. Ever been in love? no 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was my best friend at the time’s brother and we flipped a coin to decide. 65. Are you hungry right now? nope, I just ate 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I have none 67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Twitter 69. Are you watching tv right now? no 70. Names of your bestfriends? Caro, Susy, Mari, Luz, Jenny, Jess, Elizabeth, Bri 71. Craving something? What? nothing 72. What colour are your towels? pink 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1-2 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? two or three 75. Favourite animal? a panda or dogs 76. What colour is your underwear? ..... 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate chip 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey and black 80. What colour pants? grey 81. Favourite tv show? atm it’s Shameless 82. Favourite movie? The Dark Knight 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? #1 of course 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the turtles 87. First person you talked to today? my mom 88. Last person you talked to today? the groupchat with my best friends 89. Name a person you hate? I dislike a kid in my classes who is racist 90. Name a person you love? my mom 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? the above kid 92. In a fight with someone? no 93. How many sweatpants do you have? two or three 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? three-four 95. Last movie you watched? Lion, I highly recommend 98. Do you tan a lot? I tan when I’m in the sun for longer than 30 minutes 99. Have any pets? a female teripoo named Georgie 100. How are you feeling? a little stressed but okay 101. Do you type fast? I’m probably average 102. Do you regret anything from your past? most things in life serve as valuable lessons 103. Can you spell well? yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yeah, they’re my favorite 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? maybe 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yeah 108. What should you be doing? doing homework 109. Is something irritating you right now? not really 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? definitely 111. Do you have trust issues? 100% 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom 113. What was your childhood nickname? Sammy 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yeah to Arizona and Washington 115. Do you play the Wii? a tennis pro 116. Are you listening to music right now? no 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? yes 119. Favourite book? hard to pick 120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes 121. Are you mean? I’m sort of blunt and really sarcastic 122. Is cheating ever okay? no, just end the relationship 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? nope 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, you can’t know a person by looking at them 125. Do you believe in true love? maybe 126. Are you currently bored? is there any other reason for answering 150 questions no one asked for? 127. What makes you happy? a 4.0 gpa 128. Would you change your name? no, I like my name 129. What your zodiac sign? Pisces 130. Do you like subway? yeah, it’s pretty good 133. Favourite lyrics right now? “She said my spirit doesn’t move like it did before” 134. Can you count to one million? no 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed, I don’t play with ghosts 137. How tall are you? 5′6 138. Curly or Straight hair? on me? wavy 139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette 140. Summer or Winter? summer 142. Favourite month? October, Halloween is in the air 143. Are you a vegetarian? no, but I’ve tried 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? I’m not a huge chocolate fan, but white 145. Tea or Coffee? tea, coffee makes me anxious 146. Was today a good day? it was okay 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “We stopped searching for the monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside us.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line? It’s my mom’s bible, it says “I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world”