#and thats good because my entire emotional well-being depends on him sticking around

[karlkapri]

Every Bruins core retirement poem has me living in fear of the day the Penguins decide to call it a career.

— Tony Kushner, Angels in America

(image link)

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[fyrapartnersearch]

Hi guys!!! I’m Crystal. I’m in my late 20s and I am looking for new RP partners. I write to unwind and because I feel like it is a good outlet for me. I can’t stress enough how open I am, please don’t be afraid to message me with basically any idea!  I feel like the easiest way for anyone to read this is to use bullet points so here goes. 

I like making friends with my partners so please be friendly. When I get excited about a ship, I tend to want to send headcannons and ideas to my partners randomly, so please be okay with that. 

Also, please be 18+, especially if you want to write smut. 

And I love multiple threads with my partners. I write both males and females but please don’t just use me for my guys! I love my girls too!

Timezone: I am in the Eastern time zone and I do have a full time job and family but I try my best to be active every day. If I am not, I will try to at least let my partner know what’s going on. 

Type of roleplay I’m interested in: I love smut but I prefer for the characters to have a decent connection. I also love to write fluff and plots with some angst and drama. I also love some good hurt/comfort. I don’t mind dark(ish) plots and I am open to discussing anything. 

I have a wish list of plots that I want that I am adding to all the time, feel free to check it out https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/tagged/wishlist

See below for some that I would really like!!!

I also have a few OCs that I have already created. They are very basic and can be altered for almost any plot. They can be found here https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/characters

What I want to avoid: I have very few no-gos. I’m not interested in writing anything that is illegal (rape, pedophilia, etc)

Style: I am open to any style of writing depending on the plot but I prefer 3rd person. I do try to match my partners length. I try to avoid one-liners unless they are texting because it doesn’t keep the plot moving forward but I am more interested in quality over quantity.

Method of roleplay I’m interested in using: I really prefer Discord  or Kik because I am mostly mobile but I am open to other methods if you have any suggestions. 

Contact info: My Discord is crystal.indie.rp#9686 and my tumblr is https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com My Kik is Crysty09

Fandoms: 

Roswell New Mexico (KYLEX, Malex, Mylex, Echo, Maribel, Open to any)

Harry Potter 

Pretty LIttle Liars

One Tree Hill

The Fosters

Riverdale

Ask About Any Others

Wishlist plots I am REALLY wanting currently:

muse a is fresh out of prison, solitary confinement to be exact, and hasn’t truly seen the light of day for at least a couple of years. they’re adjusting to the real world; they barely speak anymore, and they haven’t experienced gentle human contact in what seems like forever. insert muse b, their new neighbor.

Muse A and Muse B grew up together; they were best friends. Muse A’s home life was awful; their parent(s) were alcoholics/drug users and could be abusive when they used. Muse B’s life was pleasant and low key. Any time the home would get explosive, Muse A would sneak out to see Muse B would calm them down and make them feel safe. Muse B was head over heels in love with Muse A and Muse A has feelings but isn’t sure what to do with them. Fast forward to their college years, they have grown apart some but are still friends. Muse A is an abusive/controlling relationship but doesn’t leave. Until one night things go too far and Muse A shows up at Muse B’s door or calls Muse B from the hospital to come save them. Muse B falls back into protective mode and while taking care of them the old feelings start to come back.

I want a plot where there’s a hard ass cop, and healways sticks by the rules and works hard and hiswork is his life and all that blah blah, but then one day he makes a huge bust in an underground sex ring and carries a girl out, and the media dub him as a superhero, and he feels strangely protective over this girl. So he goes and visits her at the hospital, and she lights up as soon as she sees him and just thanks him continuously, and he starts smiling a bit more, and she doesn’t really talk to anybody except for him because she doesn’t trust anybody excepthim. Cue her having trouble sleeping at night because of bad dreams and memories, so she calls him to help, and he does, he always does of course. And shecalls him when her car breaks down in the middle of the night and she’s terrified, and he literally drops everything for her, and its so obvious they like each other, but he doesn’t know how to do relationships and she’s just a mess from everything thats happened to her, and so much angsty fluffy goodness of them two being awkward and shy dorks at times but also staying up and telling their entire life stories to each other

someone give me a plot where muse a was arrested in high school due to drug dealing and was sentenced to ten years — except he’s let out a couple of years early due to good behavior. with no car, his feet take him to the one place he never thought he’d set foot again in a lifetime. his ex-high school sweetheart, muse b. except, when the door opens, it’s not her. it’s a seven year old little girl with her mom’s hair and her dad’s eyes. tldr; muse a gets arrested and leaves behind his (unknowingly) pregnant girlfriend at the time. years later, he’s out and he has a daughter he doesn’t know about.

i just want a damaged, broken boy who doesn’t have a lot of friends & keeps to himself & a caring, kind girl who takes interest in him & gets him to open up & rocks him in her lap when he can’t stop crying & rubs his back when he has nightmares & teaches him that it’s okay to show his pain because being strong doesn’t have to mean hiding your emotions please give me this 

whispers but i would love a cliche poly plot where like two best friends are in love with the same girl but instead of fighting over her they share her but of course there is small competitions in bed seeing who can make her cum faster and !!!! and omg like her settling them both down like ‘boys please you are both my prince charmings’ and ‘i wouldn’t be the same without the other’

can i have a plot where best friends drifted as they got older because lets be real they were in love and never wanted to admit it because it scared the hell out of them so they went their own way and now 10 years later, they bump into each other and it’s like things havent changed except oh wait, he’s engaged to be married and they spend the last few weeks leading up to the wedding together and the final night they end up sleeping together (for the first time) and things get angsty because they realize that they are in love and theyre the ones supposed to be married, but she cant bring herself to ruin something he’s built without her ?????? and he pushes the wedding date because he wants her and JUST PLS

*screams* i want a plot where a guy goes on a roadtrip just wandering around the state trying to find meaning of life with his big ass doggo and one day he comes to diner where this shy young woman works and like her boss is always yelling at her and she has abusive boyfriend and her father used to be abusive as well and this guy he is the first man who ever treated her nicely and he just asks her completely out of the blue if she doesn’t want to leave with him and she’s like “why not?” so she takes all of her things and leaves with him. Pleaseee!

someone give me a plot where muse a is a cop/firefighter/military/etc whose partner/best friend gets killed in the line of work. before they pass, their friend makes them promise to take care of muse b, their spouse. muse a takes the promise to heart, helping muse b make the arrangements and becomes the rock while muse b’s entire world is turned upside down. but soon muse a begins to fall for muse b, despite their fear of crossing a boundary or being the reason for their friend’s death ( and bonus points if muse b is pregnant when their spouse dies )

[lavellane]

A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

[ghostcrows]

Skee Possum Ghostcrows’s analysis of the film Lady Bird which i watched in my english class and want to talk about to someone starts Now. nobody asked and i delivered ;)

it’s not like i think it was super groundbreaking or anything but it just made me think. films that make you go hmm

will tag as long post but i am not putting it under a cut sorry

first i’ll talk about things i didn’t like because i like to end on positive notes

cons:

- very straight. very heterosexual. there’s a gay guy in it and he’s actually treated fairly well, though we don’t delve deep into his story, but watching lady bird go to town on guys was an unpleasant experience that luckily the screen being too dark saved me from the worst of

i understand WHY they did it, it’s a coming of age sort of story, she’s learning and leaning into her sexuality, that’s fine, but i’m hopelessly heterophobic so i can’t help but detract points for this

- the ending was way too abrupt....i didn’t expect to see lady bird’s entire life story unfold but i feel like we needed at least a scene or two more to end on a note that didn’t feel so lacking...i kind of get it though like not everything is perfect loose-ends tied and we don’t get to see everything all the time but...it felt lacking.

- i don’t like that she went back to using the name christine. maybe it’s just the transed in me but i thought her asserting this name, this identity that she carved for herself, was really cool, and i can see how it might be considered her being “ashamed” of her name or her trying to be someone she isn’t, but....it was clearly special to her. it just. it would have been more powerful, i think, to me at least, for her to keep the name lady bird. it’s an interesting name

- speaking of her name, we never really get to know why she goes by lady bird. maybe i missed something, but i don’t think we do. i would have liked to know what significance that name had to her. maybe it was like, the dream of flying far away like a bird, that sort of thing, how birds symbolize freedom and all that. maybe that’s part of why she went back, when she realized her town wasn’t all bad. but still. just personally i think she shouldn’t have gone back to christine

neutral things:

- it was kind of weird how she was talking to that guy at a party about not believing in god. i kind of got the impression that the catholic church had made her disillusioned. it’s not necessarily bad that she still had faith (or seemed to based on that conversation), it’s just strange. maybe that was to show how she was thinking back on and regretting being so cold to her surroundings? still.

- not so 2000′s it’s sickeningly in your face but it was just 2000′s enough lmao. like, the bell bottom jeans and the flip phones and just the all around vibe...yeah

- i felt kind of bad watching lady bird leave julie to try and get in with jenna and kyle and their crowd. she didn’t seem like the type to do something like that. i can kind of understand though, peer pressure and all. and she went back in the end, so she did learn her lesson, which is good

- sometimes she would start to make a point to her mom or the church like she was stickin it to em, like the abortion assembly, but then she swerved and ended it weird. like she had us in the first half i’m not gonna lie lmfao

good things/noteworthy things:

- i thought the shots were pretty good. i mean, i don’t know a lot about the technical aspects of film (despite spending two years of high school in AVTF) but it just looked good, the colors looked good, they made sacramento look really gorgeous. which really made you ask, why does she hate it here of all places? “wrong side of the tracks” my ass...

but see, i can still understand that. i think that, when you find yourself in a bad position in life, when you’re going through a rough time, you tend to lash out on your surroundings. i did that myself with my own hometown. sometimes i still do. i think it’s a boring, stagnant place and on my worst days i think it’s a literal hellhole. but it’s not, really. i’m the hellhole. the hellhole is me. and that’s why it was a shock for her when she went to new york and kind of just did the same reckless things she was doing before. it doesn’t matter where you go, you can’t escape your problems just by moving to a different place. you can’t leave your brain in your hometown and fly a hundred miles away and be happy. you have to work on you first. a change of scenery might help but ultimately, you gotta fix you

- i found it contradictory to me in that it was really relatable while also being pretty unrelatable. when i look at lady bird as a character, i see myself. but not all of myself. not even myself as i am now. more like a piece of myself. a piece thats still in me but that largely got left behind in high school. which makes sense bc thats where she is during the course of the film

i found it relatable in just, the ways they showed the audience the experience of being an adolescent afab person. not completely, but in a lot of ways. i saw my ninth and tenth grade cis girl self a lot. 

what was unrelatable was mostly the way that while i sat around and daydreamed about being this rebellious teenager sticking it to the world, she actually went out and did it. it’s like seeing an image of who i might have been, had i acted out on my desires. and i’m not saying i wish i had done that or that i’m glad i didn’t. it’s just an observation more than anything. it’s like, my wild girl self if she had “flourished” (if you can call it that, and yeah she wasnt TOTALLY wild but like. the amount of wild, the amount of fun and rebellious that i’d wanted to be then)

- the way they talk about sex is very real, which i like. it’s funny and not too prudish or too vulgar (though i dont really have standards for too vulgar lmao). that was just cool

- i’m glad that danny was a character. yeah he was just a side dude and they didn’t touch on him being gay in depth but they didn’t really need to? like. i’m just glad it was the way it was. he didn’t die or get punished or have everyone turn against him, he just upset lady bird because he was pretty much cheating and her feelings for him had been more real than his for her. she tried to use it as an insult briefly but i don’t think it was out of real animosity, just being hurt because she’d felt betrayed. and when he broke down and cried and she stood there and held him that almost made me tear up in class oops

- this is a big huge one. the way lady bird and her mother’s relationship operated was so. SO fucking resonant with me. and i wish it wasn’t. it’s like looking in a mirror and hating what you see. i’m glad i saw it, but i hate that it’s true to me too. y’know?

the way her mother is constantly overly criticizing and making comments towards her and lady bird tries to defend herself or come back at her, the way she subtly (or overtly) suggests that lady bird will never amount to anything great and she should just settle for mediocrity

the way her mom refuses to speak to her when she’s begging her to just say something, anything to her

the way her mom acts when she takes her to the airport

the way she shames her for being financially dependent on her and assumes that she’s ungrateful when she’s just. frustrated with the situation (i understand why her mom feels that way, i understand why MY mom feels that way. but you still can’t make your kid feel like shit for costing so much to raise when they didn’t ask to be born lmao...) the scene where she says “give me a number. give me a number so when i get rich i’ll pay you back and more and never have to speak to you again” and her mom’s reply that she’ll probably never get that far? that was so real it KILLED me. that was EXACTLY something that would happen between me and my mom

and oh . ohhhhhh my god. when she’s in the changing rooms and her mom can’t come up with a nice thing to say about her dresses...and lady bird says “do you like me”

“lady bird, i love you”

“yeah....but...do you like me.”

and her mom had nothing to say

that was PAINFUL. PAINFUL...because that’s...the way i feel with my mom too

- the way that financial stress can bring emotional turmoil to an entire family was really resonant as well, which ties into that last part. i could understand her parents’ struggles and sympathize with them, but i still leaned towards siding with lady bird because while yeah she was kind of extra sometimes, and she tried to act like she was one of the rich kids bc she was ashamed, and i get how that would hurt her parents....overall she was just. frustrated with the situation. frustrated with her relationship with her mother, frustrated with her school, afraid she might not get where she wants to be, CONSTANTLY discouraged by her family and told to aim lower....whatsa girl ta do yknow?

- i loved that lady bird went to prom with julie. it was really sweet. and it’s a reach and a half but bisexual lady bird confirmed

- i think ultimately its good that she kind of realized, oh...yknow...maybe its not the town i hated. i think i actually quite like my hometown. it was just my situation. and there’s a lot about sacramento that i can appreciate. i think that was good. BUT i don’t think it should end with her going back and settling just because she made that realization. you can come to that conclusion that maybe things weren’t so bad with the place you lived, without giving up completely and moving back home. i don’t like the implication that she was wrong to want more, wrong to change her name, wrong to try and carve a place and a name for herself in the world. i don’t like the idea that her family was right all along. and it doesn’t end outright saying that, it ends super abruptly and is up to interpretation, but i really like to think she made it in new york. or at least that she made it somewhere. and that maybe her relationship with her mom got better with time. it’s what i hope for me and my mom too

and i think that’s it. thanks for listening if you liked this video smash that like button smash that subscribe button and hit the little bell so you never miss a notification. until next time!

[thepalegoldmoon]

All 60 asks~!

get to know me, pick some numbers. 1. selfieNone ATM, but you’ll see my face when I con update, (pro procrastinating on that haha)
2. what would you name your future kids?I’m trying to get a new baby Guinea pig from a friend and I’m gonna try to name it Roadie, if that shows anything haha (I’m never gonna have human children, but other animals probably haha)
3. do you miss anyone?Tbh is this even a question? When don’t I miss someone haha, yeah.. Kinda tbh
4. what are you looking forward to?Cons, moving out, making more money, just chilling with the only person I ever really hang out with anymore haha
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?Yeah like one or two people, one and probably the most important one and the one of them being the cool ass mf who sent me this ask c;
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?Depends on alot of variables recently 
7. what was your life like last year?Lonely, terribly quite, have really no one, maybe like two people, and they kinda just became by closest and probably most reliable (in the best kinda ways) friends I’ve ever had..
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?Yeah I think? I bottle up alot of my emotions. So when I get annoyed enough to cry. It’s that one thing that sent me over the breaking point and everything just happens in one big messy fit. It’s gross. •-•
9. who did you last see in person?Besides my immediate family (I see those annoying fucks everyday so they don’t really count I love them but eh) ummm I think it was this really cool guy, his name is Jay, I tag him in a ton of shit, yeah he’s really awesome!~ and my fave, but yeah I saw him for a con and it was amazing!~
10. are you good at hiding your feelings?Idk some people say they can’t tell certain emotions. Or they don’t notice them, others say the exact opposite, it all depends on the people and emotions
11. are you listening to music right now?Nope shockingly, I’ve been jamming out to my old childhood anthems these past few days haha
12. what is something you want right now?Probably to just chill with someone, just kinda cuddle with someone and watch movies and conspiracy YouTube videos tbh haha maybe do some other cool shit with? Idk but that would be nice haha, and money to pay off some people haha,
13. how do you feel right now?Kinda lonely, a little tired, but over all calm and just veggin out doing nothing haha
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Two weeks ago I gave my friend Amanda a hug good bye, I ran into her at the fireworks show down the street from my apartment
15. personality descriptionYikes, a mess. I’m a scrappy cinnamon roll with a low key Lex Luther complex 😈Kinda explains why I want to legally change my name to Alyxxander… Hmmm haha
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?Tbh yeah, there’s lots of shit I’d love to say but don’t, wether for their protection or my own, sometimes some things are better left for better times or just never said
17. opinion on insecurities.They’re shit and we all hate them tbh but as long as you can find ways to get past them and have friends that support you and beat those insecurities down rather than make them worse, all is good!~ 
18. do you miss how things were a year ago?I don’t really know, like maybe some things, but tbh not much is really too different from last year. There’s a few things different hut tbh idk if that’s a good or bad thing anymore. I don’t really know haha
19. have you ever been to New York?State: yes, a few times, passing through and I’ve been to Buffalo.City: passed through but didn’t stay. I’d love to go one day though
20. what is your favourite song at the moment?hooked on a feeling (I make snapchat memes from that song haha,)
21. age and birthday?18 and May 28th!~
22. description of crush.A have a few key words. L E G S. E Y E S. S M I L E. has the tiniest flatest butt, but I love it and think it’s real nice!~ ( Tbh doesn’t have the flatest ass out of all my friend group, but put of my closet friend group does XD) and once it’s relevant again H A I R. (( gee golly guys, I wonder who I described???)) haha
23. fear(s)Hahah many. Mostly personal ones but one I’ll be alright making a public one. Never being able to be there for my friends or those I care most about in any way at all.. Or to constantly cause them pain in some way.. 
24. height5'5/ 5'6? It’s been a while since I last got my height checked 
25. role modelProbably Chris Evens, that gorgeous man, he’s the true captain frickin America 
26. idol(s)I have alot but I can’t think of any of them ATM…
27. things i hateMany things.. But tbh just when people take credit for shit other people do, when someone bitches about how they should get something when they’ve literally done jack shit to get it, or when people act like a total douche just because something won’t go their way, wether it be a giant thing or the tiniest fucking thing…
28. i’ll love you if…Enjoy my forms of affections, I enjoy lots of hugs and cuddling kinda stuff.. Haha that or if we can do cool shit together and just be open enough to connect on some form of level. You gotta have the vibes man, ya know?
29. favourite film(s)The Danish Girl Lots of horror movies Any Tim Burton film The crow 
30. favourite tv show(s)Voltron Steven UniverseAnd a bunch of old cartoons from when I was a kidEspecially invader ZimOmfg that was my shit 
31. 3 random facts1.) I’m complete total trash, I named my most recent animals after overwatch characters, I have 6 now, 3 Guinea pigs (Dva(f) Aki(m) Oreo(m)), 2 gerbils (Mercy(f) Widow(f)), and a mouse he’s Junkmouse he’s such a Sweetie!~ and he’s teeny!~That awesome guy that sent the ask, Jay, yeah his idea with naming junkmouse and then I just kinda couldn’t help but keep it going cause it just fit too well, soon I’m gonna run out of names I know it haha

2.) I feel like this should go out, cause this wasn’t on the ask lost but it should be hahamy favorite color is blue, but the color I feel with is usually yellow or orange

3.) I’m really into witchcraft and things associated, and I want to get better at it haha
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?Ehhhhh, even cause I can only think of the three people I converse with the most or at all, I have one friend who identifies as female, another who identifies as female(I think) idk she’s a all over the place, and then one who identifies as male, so it’s kinda even but leans more towards females
33. something you want to learnMany things, mostly how to be a better friend, every language I can get for free on my Rosetta stone app, and ASL, 
34. most embarrassing momentEhhhhh there’s two but they’re insanely personal haha
35. favourite subjectArt. Science. Spiritual/religious shit. Sociology. Animals. Games. Shows. Conspiracy shit. Scary spooky shit. haha (I’m not in school anymore so these are just random things I talk alot about haha)
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?1.) like to visit Asia or at least one other country over seas2.) get better at art or photography and maybe make a job out of it3.) just make it through life and enjoy what I can about it
37. favourite actor/actressActors: Johnny Depp, Allan Rickman, Eddie Redmaine.Actress: Helena Bonham Carter
38. favourite comedian(s)Adam Grabowski (seriously check this guy out, he’s a riot, the Disney princesses skit he does, one of the best, if not check out the board games one, 10/10)
39. favourite sport(s)Swimming and hiking are what I count as sports and I barely even do those tbh.. Sleeping and see how long I can stay in my house uncovered by society are my true sports. Tbh I went out for fireworks, and a con so far this summer, I’m doing great haha.
40. favourite memoryOoo idk any right now haha
41. relationship statusSingle Pringle, but I’m stick in the can, cause I ain’t ready to mingle. I got my eyes set on someone even if it won’t happen. But it’s nice to try at least c:
42. favourite book(s)I used to have one but I can’t think of it off the top of my head, I used to be hella into the Percy Jackson series though, Rick’s a good author haha 
43. favourite song everYikes, I don’t know dude haha
44. age you get mistaken forEhhhhh either 14/15 or like 20/21 so not entirely off but like I’m either hella legal or hella illegal XD
45. how you found out about your idolI don’t really know, 
46. what my last text message saysI K R ! ! ! ! ! ! LIKE SEE!!!
47. turn onsMmm not sure, but I’m up to find out physical ones c; haha but in all seriousness, just consent, respect, and open minded vibes. Just of I get the right vibes off you.
48. turn offsI don’t get the right vibes off you.Really extremely bratty kids. Rich or not. Just bratty ass kids. And people who have no shame or humility 
49. where i want to be right nowTbh, my own apartment, either chilling with a close ass bud, or maybe traveling around, just somewhere else that seems more exciting or comforting.
50. favourite picture of your idolN/a
51. starsignGemini!~ haha
52. something i’m talented atI’ve heard??? I’m good??? at art??? And then I have negative ones but Imma keep those put of here ahaha, but I’m good at art??? And cooking??? /baking??? From what I’m told haha
53. 5 things that make me happy1.) My pets2.) Not being bothered when in playing my games/ When my house only has yours truly scurrying around the place3.) food, and chilling with a good show or movie4.) getting to chill with my friends and do cool ass shit,5.) getting the chance to give cheesy ass affections, whether it’s platonic or not, I LIKE TO SNUG ALRIGHT!?!?!? SNUGGINS ARE WHAT MAKE THIS WORLD GO FUCKING ROUND MAN LIKE SHIT.(Imma throw in a sixth one cause this is important)6.) getting to get turnt with some good friends and the Devils sweet green grass when I have the chance, (GONNA FOR MY MED CARD SOON B, HMU I’M EXCITE)
54. something thats worrying me at the momentTwo things, money (always), screwing shit up beyond the point of no return with my closest friend.. 
55. tumblr friendsI got like three? One of which is the only one I ever tag, or talk to haha, that’s this cool dude at the very top of this post here, yeah him!~ that little stud!~ c:
56. favourite food(s)All?????????
57. favourite animal(s)Ehhhhh, all?????????But mostly cats, and my pets haha 
58. description of my best friendEhh mm, Well I’ll do my two closest friends ATM, Ok one super chill dude, described him a bit at the top, he’s got LEGS alright, and those eyes, fucking end me haha, but yeah, he’s really awesome, but hell he’s super complex, and that’s probably the coolest thing about him, he’s on a whole bunch of other levels my guy

Then the second one, she’s cool, she’s pretty quite, but low key really adventurous and pretty open minded and grounded, but she’s a cancer. So there’s that… Haha she’s reliable tho, she’s been there since kindergarten, so I feel bad not giving her a little credit.
59. why i joined tumblrMostly for my childhood friend Liz, but I didn’t know how to use this god forsaken site, but I found a new reason to back in like sophomore/ junior year, cause again Jay XD. I needed my daily fix of memes and this guys got the best quality memes alright? He is the meme king!!!~ XD 
60. ask me anything you wantN/a

Thanks my guy!!!~ it was fun answering all the asks!~ (even if I lost them like five or six times haha)

[silkhedge-blog]

IN RESPONSE DK

YEAH a lot of you know im back its kian (kistu but stop calling me a name i used for a week) and i use he/him now

im not bothering with another apology post since i already made one out and touched base on each and every topic pertaining to YBC so if you want to take up that issue then i welcome you to inbox my twitter about it like a mature person would since i refuse to interact with 14 year olds that werent even here during the entire ordeal

@hopespeakacademy @despairkomaeda (:

ive already proven my race and disorders and if my personal statistics really make u that sweaty then i implore you again to INBOX MY TWITTER and ill send you both transcripts of diagnosis, pictures of my father and paternal grandmother, and if youre still not convinced ill throw in a little video of me getting an abilify shot for my schizophrenia now get to work boys!

THIS IS MORE BECAUSE THEY KNOW THE FACTS AND ITS FOR NO ONE ELSE BUT THEM SO U CAN BOTHER WITH IT IF YOU LIKE BUT ITS NOT YOUR BUSINESS i just know they definitely will read this and jump to a little defense since they dont expect me to come back to sort out their little fantasy world theyve been making up

RE:RE:ANTI-AUTISM: i was dating “satoko” at the time and things were fine right like it was all good. i very vividly remember looking at the chat where they were repeating what kuro was saying

keep in mind this is an alter that sent “satoko” gore/misgendered me intentionally before/encouraged numerous people to cut themselves/WAS THE ALTER YOU SAID RAPED THAT GIRL/generally was a fucking asshole to everyone and as much as you want to say “well he has aspd! cant be helped” thats insinuating people should just Stick it out when someones abusing them when anyway i went to sleep and then i woke up and everyone was like OHHH WHAT THE FUCK! and it had turned out kuro had cut the sclera of the eye! im also going to point out thats the white of your eye and there was no damage to the iris/pupil/cornea or none of that junk....... just the white part and yet you were like “i have permanent eye damage” at first you didnt blame anyone but it was just funny that you decided to want to cut out satoko all of a sudden after i started dating her and after all the shit she put up with kuro to be your friend you still thought this was like ok to do and by “do” i mean you started heavily pressuring me, a kid with bpd, to pick between you two Hmmmmmmmmm something isnt right there! this brings us to the next piece of our timeline

RE:RE:ME TRYING TO KILL YOU:

really bitch i asked 4 different people and they all remember me posting a picture with a handful of pills in my hand asking if that would kill me and even though people said it wouldnt guess what happened? i took them and almost fucking died!!!!!!!!! i woke up with a tube in my nose while my stomach was pumped with charcoal and then was sent to the psych. i have no memory of the hospital but i do remember this: you telling me not to kill myself because hinata would, his mom would, your mom would, and you would SO theres your fucking suicidal cult you pushed the idea of me leaving satoko so much i literally wanted to die and thats why i did what i did theres no other reason even if i said there was in the past it was literally because i wanted to still be with both of you but you were the only one trying to push me away from them BRINGS US TOOOOO...... RE:RE:I ABANDONED YOU

you or kuro had me unadded on skype when i got back from the hospital after that attempt; that attempt that was on the 13th of sept the day after you claimed i was making a “suicide cult” to kill you with just due to me being “annoyed” you absolute scamp you! one would say you...abandoned me?

RE:RE:I ABUSED YOU

i just

while i shouldnt even bother with this because its so obscure, a little twisted, and you didnt even bother to explain how i was abusing you when all i did our ENTIRE relationship was let you step all over me and tell me how to interact with my friends like rememeber when i called luca my “funky little monkey” and you yelled at me in PUBLIC in front of EVERYONE because i was joking around with my best friend of two years, the person i depended on for years before you came around, in a way you didnt like? RIGHT!!!!! how ableist of me you conveniently forgot that and even if you remember its because your BPD so i should just let go of that /sarc again; NO ONE HAS TO DEAL WITH YOUR DISORDER AT THEIR EXPENSE RE:RE:YOU DIDN’T ABUSE ME

of course i remember this differently and all my friends seem to think the way you treated me was FUCKED UP aside from that i seem to remember there was a point in time where you had no one but me and being an emotional vulnerable person due to my own BPD you had to milk it juuuust a little dangan ronpa was and is my special interest and you decided to guise out first conversation as innocent when now its makes sense? remember? your monster komaeda and hinata? how you started placing little things pertaining to your kink into it? some shit about this big fish komaeda sticking hinata in his big old fish mouth? accidentally swallowing him? oh but. i didnt catch on so like ITS ALL GOOD but its not all good because theres a lot more to this than youre letting on too and we both know it (; me being a sexually abused person in the past has skewed me and before i even mentioned being an alter to you i told you about being raped by someone (that person being my abuser) because you told me so much about yourself and i thought “hey i can let me guard down!” instead you started using the fact that i was clearly becoming heavily attached to you since i only really had you and luca at the time to depend on as many people have pointed out this would make me very consistent for your abuse range you pushed weird kinks i was clearly uncomfortable with to the point of dissociating but every time you asked if it was ok i said yes because i loved you and thought it was alright and sure this was partially my fault because i never felt like i could speak up and that i was obligated to talk about these things with you to appease you when i really wasnt this only made it worse when you took that time that i CHERISHED because it was the time where i FINALLY opened up to someone about something that was hurting me for all that time to just..... try and tell me it was all kuro??? when i know it was you then i dont like vore or micro/macro i never have anyway then there was things you did like split on EVERYONE that dared to breathe the wrong way and pressuring without question and basically turning mentally ill autistic kids into a weapons (im DEFINITELY not the only victim) to defend yourself against the shit you and your alters shoveled on to the plate on your own accords theyre people who can fucking atone for their sins like everyone else without you trying to label it as “ableist” because A FUCKING GAIN SINCE YOU DONT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DRILL IT INTO YOUR HEAD NO ONE HAS TO DEAL WITH SOMEONES DISORDERS AT THEIR OWN LOSS RE:RE:SUICIDIE BAITING

honestly? fucking probably did and im sorry for that. none deserves it

RE:RE:YOUR RACE

JUST HAVING A LAUGH BECAUSE I LITERALLY TOLD YOU THIS ABOUT ME THOUGHT ID POINT THAT OUT SINCE WHEN I DID YOU DIDNT CHANGE YOUR TUNE ABOUT BEING HALF JAPANESE UNTIL NOW OVERALL

take it with a grain of salt but youre fucked and going no where in life by sitting around at home but feeling sorry for yourself and making it oh so obvious to us who have been preyed upon that youre out for blood if your mother really does have you locked away why not go here or here where theyll help you get a home of your own and to get treatment instead of rotting away and becoming so bored and bitter with yourself that you switch between fucking with peoples heads and fucking with your own? you can delude yourself in to whatever you want but the fact doesnt change that you can either take my kind gesture of trying to get you out of a shitty situation or spit in my face like youve been doing for years now?

[fyrapartnersearch]

Looking for writing partners!

Hi guys!!! I’m Crystal. I’m in my mid-20s and I am looking for new RP partners. I write unwind and because I feel like it is a good outlet for me. I can’t stress enough how open I am, please don’t be afraid to message me with basically any idea!  I feel like the easiest way for anyone to read this is to use bullet points so here goes.

I like making friends with my partners so please be friendly. When I get excited about a ship, I tend to want to send headcannons and ideas to my partners randomly, so please be okay with that.

Also, please be 18+, especially if you want to write smut.

And I love multiple threads with my partners. I write both males and females but please don’t just use me for my guys! I love my girls too!

Timezone: I am in the Eastern time zone and I do have a full time job and family but I try my best to be active every day. If I am not, I will try to at least let my partner know what’s going on.

Type of roleplay I’m interested in: I love smut but I prefer for the characters to have a decent connection. I also love to write fluff and plots with some angst and drama. I don’t mind dark(ish) plots and I am open to discussing anything.

I have a wish list of plots that I want that I am adding to all the time, feel free to check it out https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/tagged/wishlist

See below for some that I would really like!!!

I also have a few OCs that I have already created. They are very basic and can be altered for almost any plot. They can be found here https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/characters

What I want to avoid: I have very few no-gos. I’m not interested in writing anything that is illegal (rape, pedophilia, etc)

Style: I am open to any style of writing depending on the plot. I do try to match my partners length. I try to avoid one-liners unless they are texting because it doesn’t keep the plot moving forward but I am more interested in quality over quantity.

Method of roleplay I’m interested in using: I really prefer Discord  or Kik because I am mostly mobile but I am open to other methods if you have any suggestions.

Contact info: My Discord is crystal.indie.rp#9686 and my tumblr is https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com My Kik is Crysty09

Fandoms:

Roswell New Mexico (Malex, Echo, Rosobel, Open to any)

Harry Potter

Pretty LIttle Liars

One Tree Hill

The Fosters

Riverdale

Ask About Any Others

Wishlist plots I am wanting:

muse a is fresh out of prison, solitary confinement to be exact, and hasn’t truly seen the light of day for at least a couple of years. they’re adjusting to the real world; they barely speak anymore, and they haven’t experienced gentle human contact in what seems like forever. insert muse b, their new neighbor.

Muse A and Muse B grew up together; they were best friends. Muse A’s home life was awful; their parent(s) were alcoholics/drug users and could be abusive when they used. Muse B’s life was pleasant and low key. Any time the home would get explosive, Muse A would sneak out to see Muse B would calm them down and make them feel safe. Muse B was head over heels in love with Muse A and Muse A has feelings but isn’t sure what to do with them. Fast forward to their college years, they have grown apart some but are still friends. Muse A is an abusive/controlling relationship but doesn’t leave. Until one night things go too far and Muse A shows up at Muse B’s door or calls Muse B from the hospital to come save them. Muse B falls back into protective mode and while taking care of them the old feelings start to come back.

I want a plot where there’s a hard ass cop, and healways sticks by the rules and works hard and hiswork is his life and all that blah blah, but then one day he makes a huge bust in an underground sex ring and carries a girl out, and the media dub him as a superhero, and he feels strangely protective over this girl. So he goes and visits her at the hospital, and she lights up as soon as she sees him and just thanks him continuously, and he starts smiling a bit more, and she doesn’t really talk to anybody except for him because she doesn’t trust anybody excepthim. Cue her having trouble sleeping at night because of bad dreams and memories, so she calls him to help, and he does, he always does of course. And shecalls him when her car breaks down in the middle of the night and she’s terrified, and he literally drops everything for her, and its so obvious they like each other, but he doesn’t know how to do relationships and she’s just a mess from everything thats happened to her, and so much angsty fluffy goodness of them two being awkward and shy dorks at times but also staying up and telling their entire life stories to each other

someone give me a plot where muse a was arrested in high school due to drug dealing and was sentenced to ten years — except he’s let out a couple of years early due to good behavior. with no car, his feet take him to the one place he never thought he’d set foot again in a lifetime. his ex-high school sweetheart, muse b. except, when the door opens, it’s not her. it’s a seven year old little girl with her mom’s hair and her dad’s eyes. tldr; muse a gets arrested and leaves behind his (unknowingly) pregnant girlfriend at the time. years later, he’s out and he has a daughter he doesn’t know about. also i want to play the guy pls

i just want a damaged, broken boy who doesn’t have a lot of friends & keeps to himself & a caring, kind girl who takes interest in him & gets him to open up & rocks him in her lap when he can’t stop crying & rubs his back when he has nightmares & teaches him that it’s okay to show his pain because being strong doesn’t have to mean hiding your emotions please give me this

whispers but i would love a cliche poly plot where like two best friends are in love with the same girl but instead of fighting over her they share her but of course there is small competitions in bed seeing who can make her cum faster and !!!! and omg like her settling them both down like ‘boys please you are both my prince charmings’ and ‘i wouldn’t be the same without the other’

can i have a plot where best friends drifted as they got older because lets be real they were in love and never wanted to admit it because it scared the hell out of them so they went their own way and now 10 years later, they bump into each other and it’s like things havent changed except oh wait, he’s engaged to be married and they spend the last few weeks leading up to the wedding together and the final night they end up sleeping together (for the first time) and things get angsty because they realize that they are in love and theyre the ones supposed to be married, but she cant bring herself to ruin something he’s built without her ?????? and he pushes the wedding date because he wants her and JUST PLS

*screams* i want a plot where a guy goes on a roadtrip just wandering around the state trying to find meaning of life with his big ass doggo and one day he comes to diner where this shy young woman works and like her boss is always yelling at her and she has abusive boyfriend and her father used to be abusive as well and this guy he is the first man who ever treated her nicely and he just asks her completely out of the blue if she doesn’t want to leave with him and she’s like “why not?” so she takes all of her things and leaves with him. Pleaseee!

someone give me a plot where muse a is a cop/firefighter/military/etc whose partner/best friend gets killed in the line of work. before they pass, their friend makes them promise to take care of muse b, their spouse. muse a takes the promise to heart, helping muse b make the arrangements and becomes the rock while muse b’s entire world is turned upside down. but soon muse a begins to fall for muse b, despite their fear of crossing a boundary or being the reason for their friend’s death ( and bonus points if muse b is pregnant when their spouse dies )

[fyrapartnersearch]

Still looking!

Hi guys!!! I’m Crystal. I’m in my late 20s and I am looking for new RP partners. I write to unwind and because I feel like it is a good outlet for me. I can’t stress enough how open I am, please don’t be afraid to message me with basically any idea!  I feel like the easiest way for anyone to read this is to use bullet points so here goes.

I like making friends with my partners so please be friendly. When I get excited about a ship, I tend to want to send headcannons and ideas to my partners randomly, so please be okay with that.

Also, please be 18+, especially if you want to write smut.

And I love multiple threads with my partners. I write both males and females but please don’t just use me for my guys! I love my girls too!

Timezone: I am in the Eastern time zone and I do have a full time job and family but I try my best to be active every day. If I am not, I will try to at least let my partner know what’s going on.

Type of roleplay I’m interested in: I love smut but I prefer for the characters to have a decent connection. I also love to write fluff and plots with some angst and drama. I also love some good hurt/comfort. I don’t mind dark(ish) plots and I am open to discussing anything.

I have a wish list of plots that I want that I am adding to all the time, feel free to check it out https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/tagged/wishlist

See below for some that I would really like!!!

I also have a few OCs that I have already created. They are very basic and can be altered for almost any plot. They can be found here https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com/characters

What I want to avoid: I have very few no-gos. I’m not interested in writing anything that is illegal (rape, pedophilia, etc)

Style: I am open to any style of writing depending on the plot but I prefer 3rd person. I do try to match my partners length. I try to avoid one-liners unless they are texting because it doesn’t keep the plot moving forward but I am more interested in quality over quantity.

Method of roleplay I’m interested in using: I really prefer Discord  or Kik because I am mostly mobile but I am open to other methods if you have any suggestions.

Contact info: My Discord is crystal.indie.rp#9686 and my tumblr is https://crystal-indie-rp.tumblr.com My Kik is Crysty09

Fandoms:

Roswell New Mexico (Malex, Mylex, Echo, Maribel, Open to any)

Harry Potter

Pretty LIttle Liars

One Tree Hill

The Fosters

Riverdale

Ask About Any Others

Wishlist plots I am wanting:

muse a is fresh out of prison, solitary confinement to be exact, and hasn’t truly seen the light of day for at least a couple of years. they’re adjusting to the real world; they barely speak anymore, and they haven’t experienced gentle human contact in what seems like forever. insert muse b, their new neighbor.

Muse A and Muse B grew up together; they were best friends. Muse A’s home life was awful; their parent(s) were alcoholics/drug users and could be abusive when they used. Muse B’s life was pleasant and low key. Any time the home would get explosive, Muse A would sneak out to see Muse B would calm them down and make them feel safe. Muse B was head over heels in love with Muse A and Muse A has feelings but isn’t sure what to do with them. Fast forward to their college years, they have grown apart some but are still friends. Muse A is an abusive/controlling relationship but doesn’t leave. Until one night things go too far and Muse A shows up at Muse B’s door or calls Muse B from the hospital to come save them. Muse B falls back into protective mode and while taking care of them the old feelings start to come back.

I want a plot where there’s a hard ass cop, and healways sticks by the rules and works hard and hiswork is his life and all that blah blah, but then one day he makes a huge bust in an underground sex ring and carries a girl out, and the media dub him as a superhero, and he feels strangely protective over this girl. So he goes and visits her at the hospital, and she lights up as soon as she sees him and just thanks him continuously, and he starts smiling a bit more, and she doesn’t really talk to anybody except for him because she doesn’t trust anybody excepthim. Cue her having trouble sleeping at night because of bad dreams and memories, so she calls him to help, and he does, he always does of course. And shecalls him when her car breaks down in the middle of the night and she’s terrified, and he literally drops everything for her, and its so obvious they like each other, but he doesn’t know how to do relationships and she’s just a mess from everything thats happened to her, and so much angsty fluffy goodness of them two being awkward and shy dorks at times but also staying up and telling their entire life stories to each other

someone give me a plot where muse a was arrested in high school due to drug dealing and was sentenced to ten years — except he’s let out a couple of years early due to good behavior. with no car, his feet take him to the one place he never thought he’d set foot again in a lifetime. his ex-high school sweetheart, muse b. except, when the door opens, it’s not her. it’s a seven year old little girl with her mom’s hair and her dad’s eyes. tldr; muse a gets arrested and leaves behind his (unknowingly) pregnant girlfriend at the time. years later, he’s out and he has a daughter he doesn’t know about. also i want to play the guy pls

i just want a damaged, broken boy who doesn’t have a lot of friends & keeps to himself & a caring, kind girl who takes interest in him & gets him to open up & rocks him in her lap when he can’t stop crying & rubs his back when he has nightmares & teaches him that it’s okay to show his pain because being strong doesn’t have to mean hiding your emotions please give me this

whispers but i would love a cliche poly plot where like two best friends are in love with the same girl but instead of fighting over her they share her but of course there is small competitions in bed seeing who can make her cum faster and !!!! and omg like her settling them both down like ‘boys please you are both my prince charmings’ and ‘i wouldn’t be the same without the other’

can i have a plot where best friends drifted as they got older because lets be real they were in love and never wanted to admit it because it scared the hell out of them so they went their own way and now 10 years later, they bump into each other and it’s like things havent changed except oh wait, he’s engaged to be married and they spend the last few weeks leading up to the wedding together and the final night they end up sleeping together (for the first time) and things get angsty because they realize that they are in love and theyre the ones supposed to be married, but she cant bring herself to ruin something he’s built without her ?????? and he pushes the wedding date because he wants her and JUST PLS

*screams* i want a plot where a guy goes on a roadtrip just wandering around the state trying to find meaning of life with his big ass doggo and one day he comes to diner where this shy young woman works and like her boss is always yelling at her and she has abusive boyfriend and her father used to be abusive as well and this guy he is the first man who ever treated her nicely and he just asks her completely out of the blue if she doesn’t want to leave with him and she’s like “why not?” so she takes all of her things and leaves with him. Pleaseee!

someone give me a plot where muse a is a cop/firefighter/military/etc whose partner/best friend gets killed in the line of work. before they pass, their friend makes them promise to take care of muse b, their spouse. muse a takes the promise to heart, helping muse b make the arrangements and becomes the rock while muse b’s entire world is turned upside down. but soon muse a begins to fall for muse b, despite their fear of crossing a boundary or being the reason for their friend’s death ( and bonus points if muse b is pregnant when their spouse dies )