#and thats a lot of stress off my mind and a lot less to be uncomfortable about

[skinnymeanfaggot]

also

[kitkatcadillac]

also i would like to add as someone insane or whatever about my teeth anymore, floss Really Does Help. if you havent done it in awhile its really uncomfortable and your gums might bleed even though youre so so gentle

but the more you do it the healthier your mouth gets and the easier it handles it. be GENTLE. floss before you brush. rinse your mouth well afterwards and try not to eat after you do so/overnight to reduce inflammation or infection. it helps So Much

[hotpinkstars]

-> sleepy cuddles

synopsis -> wriothesley comes home tired and upset from a bad day at the fortress. so, you just have to indulge in a cuddle session.

warnings -> angsty, sad wrio nooo.. mentions of fighting, baby sigewinne got hurt oh no, more angsty than i thought whoops

w/c -> 659

you were awakened to heavy footsteps entering your home at around 11:00 pm.

usually they’re a lot softer, much less aggressive, thats for sure. you recognized them though- they were your husband, wriothesleys. he seemed pretty upset.

you pick your head up from the pillow, groaning as you slowly got out of bed to see what he was doing. to no surprise, he was in the kitchen, brewing tea. he had his head in his hands, oblivious to your approaching form.

“wrio… whats wrong?” you said in a raspy, groggy tone, and accidentally startled the man, for you were able to catch him jump the slightest bit before bringing one of his hands into yours. “talk to me.”

he just groaned, pulling you flush against his chest, before nearly breaking down into tears. when you felt the first drop of wetness on your bare shoulder, you pulled out of the hug, grabbing his face in gentle hands.

“okay, something is seriously wrong. how bad was today?” you look at him in pity. one thing you’ve learned from being married to this man for two and a half years is that when the great, mighty duke of meropide cries, it’s almost as important as if the city flooded over with primordial seawater. but only that important to you.

he took a shaky breath in, and then looked down. “pretty bad. two inmates decided to pick on sigewinne. her injuries were enough to send her up here for more professional medical treatment. even for me, it was scary, seeing how she felt helpless and couldn’t patch herself up like she normally does.” he exhaled. “they took her vision and taunted me with it. obviously i got it back, but not without a fight.”

you nod, standing next to him as he pours his tea in a mug. he took a sip before offering you some, in which you politely declined.

“how long is sigewinnes absence going to last? if anything, i have some medical experience behind my back. i can stich up a wound at most. if you want my help in the infirmary, then i’d be happy to offer.”

he scratched his temple, seeming to debate on whether or not that would be a good idea.

“we’ll see, i have yet to get detailed information on her stay. once i get more, i’ll let you know if thats needed or not.”

you nod, before taking his hand in yours, leading him into bed. he changed his clothes before joining you.

once you two made it into bed, he snuggled up against you as you rubbed his back to try and ease some of his pains. you could tell the incident involving sigewinne was weighing like a fifty pound weight on his mind, and you wanted to silently remind him that you were always there for him.

this is where you felt the tears spill out, with light gasps to follow. he was never an obnoxious cryer. you just held him tighter, allowing him to cry it out and allow his mind to process things.

you continued to rub his back and shoulders, calming him down. he hugged you even tighter, shoving his face in your chest before finding it okay to shut his eyes. your hands made their way from his back, to his shoulders, to the back of his head, fluffing his soft hair. it smelled very nicely of tea leaves and a sweet and smokey scent. something you could compare to vanilla, but with a, once again, smokier touch to it. he loved when you put your head on top of his, occasionally leaning in to kiss it.

within a matter of ten minutes, he had drifted off. you kept him close, making sure a nightmare doesn’t rouse him from his sleep. the last thing you both wanted was him to be tired in the morning, and adding that to additional stress? oh, the duke certainly was not a morning person.

[skunkes]

ok detailed surgery experience

i made this schedule (?) of the major events as soon as I left while I cld still remember (and still kinda forgot!) i like knowing the Times of stuff so I asked my dad to take note of Times for me, and tried to ask for the time where i could

surgery I got was a laproscopic bilateral salpingectomy, full removal of the fallopian tubes only!

Misc details off of dis, obviously TMI territory as its a medical procedure.

The second blood draw (they took blood from me yesterday tooooo) hurt less and more somehow. Nasty nasty bruise forming.

IV really was the worst part of it ! I'd get weird throbs of frustrating pain long after it was in

I was given compression stockings that went right up to my crotch. Your toes stick out, and they put hospital socks over your feet. Some additional compress wraps were placed above my knees.

Pre op/prep didnt take too long at all. I know I have it listed as over an hour of waiting, which always made me nervous to read in other people's experiences, but it doesn't really feel like waiting. The TV helps pass the time, as do the people who are with you if any, and the nurses popping in with help or instructions or updates. The prep room was small and the bathroom was next door. The double doors open to wheel you out. Remote was given toe to control the TV and also call the nurses via a speaker.

The nurse who wheeled me in was nicest, she pronounced my name Correctly and was also really funny and friendly...

In general I knew this surgery was going to go well because I was actually able to fall asleep last night. I've stayed awake/tossed and turned for events far less stressful. Dis was also due to part of it kind of not feeling real for me! And being wheeled into surgery room added to that! It didnt feel real, it felt like watching one of many scenes from medical media of the same point of view.

I did start quaking and shaking once in the surgery room (also small, I did not look around much in fear of it making me panic last minute!)

They had me scoot from the prep bed to the surgery table. There was a pink foam headrest for me to slot the back of my head into. They strap you in with arms out like ur being crucified and thats when it became more Real for me so i started shaking a lot, but I can't tell how bad it was under the heavy blankets. I think I shook more and for longer when I went for my MRI (which also isnt/wasnt scary but the body freaks out for no reason). Im surprised at myself for being so Calm ykwim

Anyway, strapped in, had monitoring stuff stickered onto my body: my sternum, side of body under chest/armpits, and another pair I cant remember where. Hair was put up in hair net. My hospital gown was untied as the tie starts halfway across your body and goes under, but this was not done in an invasive-to-privacy way, and I was still fully covered by it (and then recovered by blankets)

(3 separate people asked me how many kids I had throughout this whole venture, and were Shocked at my response. This was the other most nerve wracking part as I started to get weirdly anxious that someone wouldn't like this and cancel my surgery or something. One of the Askers was the anesthesiologist.) Doctor/surgeon came in and asked if i was ready and talked about how he loved being under anesthesia LOL. Everybody was speaking about their opinions about childbirth and sterilization and parenthood, but amongst each other and not to influence my decision, along with telling each other to set up XYZ. Once again everybody is charmed by Cheye's usage of the word "yay"

Ive never had surgery before, so I was worried about anesthesia. In my mind i was imagining it to be being fully lucid and then your vision darkens and takes you, which was scary to me like i dont wanna be freaking out and then immediately KNOCKED out!

But it was gradual which actually made it more calming for me...the funny nurse put the oxygen mask over me, I got very nervous bc she said to take deep breaths and honestly i couldnt even breath much at all in it, and breathing out also felt very restricting and like I was going to choke, but it wasn't Distressing. I just breathed slowly and it worked anyway.

In a few seconds I felt a cool tingle in my arm that then sort of burst into my torso, and my whole body felt really light and my eyelids draggggggged half closed, but it felt very mechanical and involuntarily (like slowly closing window blinds...or like how the brightness options on a 3DS are numbered buttons ykwim? Like, Closing 1, Closing 2, Closing 3, Closed Halfway, all pressed in quick succession). Heavy heavy heavy. I stayed in that half closed state for a while! (Probably not even a full minute, but it also wasn't instant...i still had time to think and Hear conversation etc, as well as feel that there was some mechanical thing tightening around my spread arms along with the hand adjusted straps)

The funny nurse was telling me to relax and have sweet dreams and that they wld take care of me and such. And then I was out. I do not remember my vision fully fading or eyes fully closing, in my mind they stayed in that half closed state.

Ive heard ppl say it feels like blinking and waking up, but it did feel like sleep to me!!!! I know dreaming under anesthesia isn't really a thing, but waking up felt like....i was really waking up like normal and trying to remember traces of a dream after several hours of sleep.

I always thought it was silly seeing ppl ask if the surgery was over when they come out of it, but I did that. But like i swear it came out involuntarily??? Like i knew it was over....i think it was because I couldnt really SEE anything when i woke up, I could only hear staff speaking to me, and I can barely remember what they said. Vision was VERY very blurred. So I guess that question came out as substitute for Where Am I, and Who's Here With Me? Speaking felt like when audio unsyncs from a video, with my voice trailing far behind my words. I also remember being really bewildered bc there was some sort of residue on my lips, like when they're chapped and dry and cracking. I learned later this was bc of the intubation but i Didnt Know That Yet so i was just scared and thirsty.

Adding another "pain was less bad than the average period which has one Doubled Over" statement to the pile. Pain was at 3/10 or 4/10, which is to say if period pain is a whole abdomen event, this pain was small little bruises occasionally being brushed up against, just small throbs of sore pain in the 3 incision spots. I got an incision inside my belly button and that was the most present sensation, but that might also be bc I hate anything having to do with that area in general 😭 always feels weird.

My throat felt very DRY. It wasn't pain yet, it felt like when you're thirsty + dehydrated and your lips stick together at any slight moisture, but in the throat. Kept trying to look around and wiggle my fingers and toes in hopes that'd help me Come Out Of It sooner bc not being able to see was really frustrating me. I could not make out the face of the person watching over me for some time. I really wanted water !

HORROR when the person looking over me said i had a catheter still in me. Nightmare I wasnt counting on actually happening and wasnt mentally prepared for. I was told I would have one placed (make sure to ask if this is a concern for you!) but i thought they'd take it out before I woke up... I cldnt even feel it in me when I was told this! Which is good.

The staff of course had to remove blankets and open my gown a bit to access the area. But I did not feel any distress about this at the time.

Had a very funny slow motion distress response bracing self for removal. It did not hurt or sting at all, it just felt like [something I cant describe here]. Just pressure! It was pulled out gently but quickly of course.

After 1 hr i was wheeled to a separate private recovery room. The nurse uncovered my lower area to check if incisions were doing good so far as well as to check if I had been provided with a pad/underwear, as some patients have blood or other fluids come out as a result of the surgery.

parents came in, was so grateful for juice but in dismay over my food item being orange (i dont like citrus flavor) jello (i dont like jello 😭) i consumed all of both.

I also worried I'd feel weird about throwing my body parts away. But I dont feel anything ^_^ just feels very awesome and natural

Sore throat started further developing. Nurse came in after some time here, taught me how to Get Up. Was scary! I was worried about it hurting, but it was just more soreness.

Was able to go to the bathroom, went a very little bit but it was enough. I was very scared about seeing my incisions and being disgusted by them....but I caught a glance and it was Okey Yey. They are covered in surgical Glue and dont look gnarly, swollen, red or anything they look very cool ^_^ got dressed in stages as there was nothing to set clothes down on and sat back down on the bed. The bathroom connected to another room where somebody else was preparing for surgery.

Nurse came in with final post op instructions, upon describing nausea to me my skin got cold, stomach activated and krusty krab exploded with it. She was just barely able to get me a bag to throw up in. This exacerbated the throat pain. She encouraged me to get it all out especially since I also expelled gas, which is a good thing.

IV removal didnt hurt! Same level of pain as the tape around it being yanked off. I couldn't even tell it was over. I was wheeled out of the hospital. ^_^ i wore an oversized dress my sister lent me, and cheap target sandals so I wouldnt have to bend to tie shoes. My dad pulled up the car right outside. I brought a pillow to be a barrier in between the seat belt and my stomach.

Its 6:48 neow and I am laying down, but the pain is (currently) the same. I had another nausea (and release. Also exacerbated throat pain.) spell (while in walmart picking up the pain meds), was boiling alive in my very hot room, and was a bit dehydrated which may have contributed to some misery and nausea but as of right now I'm ok, i changed into lighter clothes, drank water, ate a bit, and situated self in a room with ac....i worry about getting up and becoming nauseous again 😭 i hate throwing up.

People are right about it being more discomfort than pain! You have to walk around every few hours, and it doesnt hurt but every step feels like my bellybutton is kinda pinching inward. Being tugged at from the inside. Ive gotten to a point where even chuckling makes me feel this very Sour soreness (not regular dull soreness) so maybe ill start the meds soon if necessary.... Squatting to sit doesnt hurt in a debilitating way, neither does actually sitting or putting on/stepping into clothing.

I couldnt nap because laying on my side doesnt hurt the incisions or anything, BUT its just the strange discomfort again. The weight of gravity on the body makes the incision sites feel very very weird in an abstract way i cant describe. It isnt pain. It feels like a mismatched sensation of some sort. Like if you touched your nose and somehow felt the touch on your knee. Adjacent to this. A very specific sensation sits in all the incision sites and drags down through your mattress to the ground and it feels Weird.

If you get up properly it really doesn't hurt to do so! Use your leg to get yourself fully onto your side, then use your arm to push yourself up into a sitting position.

I am very nervous from when all the good strong hospital meds wear off t_t i heard the day after is a struggle because of dis. but ive got the prescribed pain management on hand (extra strength ibuprofen and tylenol with codeine!! O_O) neow at least ^_^;

OH, AND THE DOCTOR TOOK FOTOS OF MY INSIDES LIKE I ASKED! ^_^ 🫶 I have glossy printed souvenir now! I dont exactly know wtf im looking at but its awesum LOL maybe i will ask for details at the follow up!

[hunn1e-bunn1e]

Idk how i would add a bunny to thy burrow but 🐰🐇

Did that work? Have i successfully paid my child support? Anyway could i get you to write for bon suguro from blue exorcist? I never see anything for my edgy monk grump. If not thats fine i just like your work

Suguro 'Bon' Ryuuji - With A Supportive and Affectionate Gn Reader

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

I was actually kind of nervous that no one else would be interested in Blue Exorcist, so I'm relieved that you sent in an ask @satans-left-nut, and about Bon no less. Anywho I'm sorry that I've been gone so long and I hope these headcannons are up to your standards. —Benny🐰

                                                                                                   

⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩

🎋  Ryuuji would be very thankful for a supportive significant other like you, he has so much on his plate as not only a student at True Cross Academy but also as an aspiring exorcist. You, Shima, and Konekomaru really keep him grounded as he goes through the hectic school year. Especially since that Okumura guy enrolled in the class.

🎋 I feel that since the blue night at the temple, Bon has (understandably) been pretty closed off with communicating, exploring, accepting and expressing his emotions. This might also be in combination with how he was raised and how he copes with his stress and trauma. Having you there to gently walk him through it and support him has massively helped him cope with the trauma he gained that night. The scars aren't fully healed, and they might never be, but you help sooth his pain.

🎋 While Ryuuji would be slightly disappointed and likely a bit upset if you didn't support his goal to kill Satan because you were worried for him, but he would understand your point of view. You love him and watching him throw himself at the demon of all demons would be terrifying to watch; not knowing whether you'd be able to see him again after he leaves to accomplish his goal.

🎋 If you do support it, however, Bon would be probably be a lot more open with you about his future plans and will definitely include you in them. Although, he swears he won't take you with him when he goes to kill Satan. He doesn't want to see you get hurt, he can't see you get hurt. What if you died? He can't lose you too.

🎋 You never have to worry about getting your lunch with Ryuuji because when he grabs one for himself, he gets you something as well. If the time comes that he doesn't have enough money for two lunches, he'll just share his own with you. Or; if your culinarily gifted, you could make lunch for the both of you instead. He certainly wouldn't mind.

🎋 Let's be honest, cuddles are a must! Our Bon has all the trademarks of a touchstarved individual, so he's in serious need of some tlc. His favorite ways to cuddle are spooning with him as the little spoon and laying next to you with his head on your chest. He also enjoys laying his head on your thighs as you run your fingers through his hair, it's very relaxing for him.

⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩•♡•⛩

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

Reblogs are appreciated ~ 𔓘

Wanna see similar content? Check out my Masterlist!

[suethesocks]

Egyptian Ben 10 AU!!

A long while ago i got the idea of making an au where ben is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian (the idea entirely spawned off a joke my friend made about a hypothetical ben like that having to explain his fasting to rook)

At first the idea was gonna be that his parents are Egyptian immigrants and he was born and raised in Bellwood, but last second before finishing his character bio i decided to flip everything over and make this AU *in* Egypt

The timeline i have in mind for these bios are all at around right after the highbreed arc, but also before season 3 straight up starts. I feel like thats a good jumping-on point

In terms of aliens mostly i just get to explore what the aliens would look like as teenagers since uaf and ov didnt really do much with that (they didnt even bother giving wildmutt a tail) and have fun trying to make his flannel into outfits for the aliens. Hoever if i get any cool ideas for entirely revamping aliens id definitely do it

I tried to make fourarms darker skinned not sure if its showing. Id have done the same with stinkfly but the uniforms colorscheme wouldve crashed. I wanted to try giving wildmutt black fur because this ben has darker hair but nothing really quite worked hsjhds wildmutts obnoxious orange is just too iconic

Prep school is mostly an american thing, here the closest equivalent for the early 2000s would be an international school. Also i changed lawyer to doctor as thats the sort of "go-to" job that makes a lot of money, lawyers in egypt arent usually as fortunate

Here she doesnt wear her uniform this is just how she dresses. I tried to fit the cat motif like OS but i couldnt really think of something that fit. If i were drawing UAF or OV gwen in my own take id have given her cat imagery but i think for Jwanas personality it actually makes more sense for her to be boring and lose the cat

Jwanas also a lot more angsty about her magic (and it is magic) since her parents and basically entire surrounding community both Muslim and Christian are very against magic and consider it sin. Shes also a lot more angsty in general because like the bio says shes under alot of stress and is very jealous of ben, which is conflicting because ben is also her best friend and she doesnt wanna feel this sort of animosity to him. She also doesnt realize how much he looks up to her as someone who is a lot more intelligent and disciplined than he'll ever be (for example the concept of jwana having the spark isnt here, ben just can never learn magic because he doesnt have what it takes)

Kevin much like ben is more or less the same as he is in the show. With jwana i went with my own take but Ben and Kevin are more of, culminations of what i think are their best parts in the series and then just fleshing that out more

I felt like the outfit he has in earth-prime works best with a few touchups. Prime kevin has consistently had that rugged guy-who-lives-in-a-garage look so despite being the most basic outfit it works the best with a few touchups

I did change his anatomy, i wanted to make him look like a mutant freak. I gave him this sort of frankenstine's monster posture (a small reference to him being an amalgamation in os). He also has these stretch marks all over his body since his material absorption doesnt just create a coat around him but also alters his skin itself (so these markings arent there for os-era kevin) He also has a lot of weird bumps over his body

This kevin is 100% mutant no alien shenanigans. If i do aggregor i'll uhhh think of something else for him to be. His transition to the lightside is a lot longer and for the majority of the highbreed arc hes not even there hes more of an occasional ally if he feels like helping

Was his dad a plumber or not im not sure tbh, im leaning towards not though

Next post is gonna be a bunch of villains for funsies

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

[lanadelreyscokewhor3]

COMFORT- M. MURDOCK

Pairing: Boyfriend! Matt x Fem! Reader

Word Count: 850

Summary: matt helps comfort you during a panic attack

Warnings: panic attack, anxiety, sensory issues, mentions of getting sick, praise, lots of fluff

Notes: i wrote this while having airport/ airplane anxiety this morning, as i woke up bright n early so i had a lot of time to think. then my flight got cancelled, rebooked, then cancelled again. so im stuck here till tomorrow :) (i want to cry. also airport wifi sucks so bad btw)

He could hear your heartbeat miles away. 

Fast. 

Thrumming so hard it was as if it was a motor engine, constantly revving but instead of speeding off into the night- it sputtered. 

Your breaths were fast. Irregular. Panting raggedly, as if you were a dog.

 Hands clutched to your knees, a steady creaking against the old hardwood as you rocked yourself in a ball on the floor. 

The two of you left for the airport in less than an hour. Matt had taken care of all the flights, him and Foggy triple-checking everything to make sure everything was booked, purchased and on time. Luggage was packed for your little getaway planned in Central America, zipped up tightly waiting by the door. 

But you remained put on the floor, feeling the grooves of your long nails dig into your skin, pinching little crescent moon shapes as your lungs struggled for air. 

“Sweetheart?” he called from the doorway, shaking the rain from his coat off as he hung it up to dry. 

No response. 

Your tongue felt like millions of weights were pulling it down, inflaming it so you were unable to speak. Nothing but dry saliva coated your mouth like a thick paste. 

“What's going on love? Can you explain how you’re feeling?”

 He knew there was no point asking whether or not you were okay when clearly- you weren't. You were having a panic attack, something that you got very often. Changes in your routine tended to set it off, or things like big crowds or loud noises. 

Matt knew your mind was racing with endless possibilities of what could go wrong. You had expressed them to him last week. 

What if we miss our flight? Or there is too many people and I’m trapped? Or I feel sick and have nowhere to go? Matthew what if our flight gets cancelled? Or the gates? There's going to be so many people there, all so stressed and non-self aware. 

Something was wrong when you called him Matthew instead of Matty. That was always the first indicator he picked up on.

 “‘m just anxious.” you whispered softly, voice low and rough as if you had just discovered you could talk for the first time. He softly padded over to a window, opening it just a smidge so fresh air could sneak through the crack, and the sound of the rain pattering against the glass was amplified.

 “Can I touch you sweetheart?” he asked politely, crouching down next to you. 

You nodded. 

Warmth spread through your body as his large arms wrapped around your body, shielding you from the outside world. “Okay. Let's just breathe together okay? Just follow with me.” 

He took a deep inhale through his nose, to which you shakily followed. A deep exhale escaped from your lips as you followed the rise and fall of his chest, breathing in his comforting smell as your fingers made there way to twist and tangle in the fabric of his shirt.

 “Thats it, atta girl. You're doing such a good job!” he praised, letting you cling to him as you slowed down your breathing- expanding your lungs again. 

“We’re going to take this one step at a time okay? It’s going to be okay, I’m never going to leave your side. Security is the scary part. Then we just wait in a quiet part until we get on the plane. And it’s just a two hour flight, and you've done much longer car rides than that.” 

“But what if I’m sick?” you asked timidly. 

“Then we’ll deal with it when it happens. We’ll scout out all the  washrooms and there is one on the plane sweetheart. I’ll hold your hair back I promise.” he joked, making you sniffle as you giggled. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Okay.”

 “Good. Let’s just get some water into you, and we can get your headphones and fuzzy sweater for you to wear. It’s going to be just fine angel.” he kissed the top of your forehead, stroking your cheeks with his thumb, the callouses on the flesh of his fingertips bringing you a sense of comfort. 

You watched through slightly clouded vision as he swiftly went over to pour you some water from the Britta you nagged him to buy, and you heard the pills rattle from the bottle as he dropped a gravol or two in his hand. 

“I’m tired.” you murmured. Your thumbs were bleeding, and you felt the sticky blood smear as you tried to stop it. 

“I know baby. You can sleep soon. I promise.” he assured, coaxing water down to quell your thirstiness as you swallowed the ginger pill.

 “I need my headphones.” you said, attempting to find your balance as you wobbled up to your feet. 

“I have them here sweetheart.” he smiled, grabbing them from the luggage- leaving them out for you just in case. Siding them over your head, the world was slightly muffled and you exhaled. 

It was quiet. It would be quiet. And you could do this. 

“Ready?” he asked. “Ready.”

 “Good, cause we have sunshine and margaritas waiting for us.”

[laura1633]

Sorry for this rant, you don’t have to reply to this at all, and I’m sorry because Ik you’re prob getting a lot of this rn. I’m currently arguing with someone on insta that drivers can get heated up cause of adrenaline over the radio. It’s like the same when you get heated over a video game, it’s the same with everyone else but yes max was a bit over the top. But whenever he complains when the car is good it’s he’s complaining over nothing but when the car isn’t good it’s oh max is on a tantrum again??? And then this person uses Max’s sleep as an excuse?? He got 7.5 hours of sleep hello😭 he won a race before in the same conditions with less sleep. (I think 4 or 5 hours? For imola) no one said shit when he did that. These people are angering me but I shall calm and not reply anymore to keep me sane 🥹🙏 Trust in the max Verstappen factor (Red Bull has to let that go tho😭)

Thats okay anon, sometimes it's nice to have a bit of a vent and then we can try and push those people out of our minds. I actually still don't think Max was over the top at all (I also suspect it was a result of some building tensions about things going on at red bull)

I know it's easy to say but it is honestly not worth the time and effort to argue with most people. They just don't like Max. Max could save someone's life and they would call him out for not saving two people's lives. They will never be convinced no matter what you say.

All driver's rant on the radio and I don't blame them, I rant when I am sat at my desk doing my no stress office job! I remember Lando telling his race engineer to shut up in Sochi, I remember Lewis complaining about the car to the point Toto told him to be quiet and drive it, I remember Bottas complaining about strategy, Fernando complaining he had a GP2 engine, even Kimi Raikkonen who doesn't like to talk unless necessary has ranted many many times on the radio and called the team out. They literally all do it and this isn't me calling out those other drivers, I support them getting out their frustration in the moment if they need to.

Max gives a lot of feedback even when the car is going well and so he should. If something isn't perfect he should call it out, this is a sport that relies on development so call out everything and see if it can be improved!

As for the sleep, I am not sure why people think they know how much sleep Max needs to function! If he had 8 hours would that be okay for them?! Where do we draw the line? Do they complain about other driver's having lots of extra curricular activities that make take up mental capacity. Again, the just don't like him. That man looked radiant all weekend, he is getting more than enough beauty sleep.

Red Bull can absolutely not afford to lose Max from that team and I think if they tried to restrict his sim racing he would be off.

[the-togepi-man]

How do you deal with loving multiple people? I've been with my BF for almost a decade and I love him to pieces. Over COVID I made a new gay friend and started having feelings for him. We've hung out a few times and there's always this tension and pretty obvious desire between us. Still I prefer monogomy and wouldn't betray my partner like that. I talked to my partner about these feelings and he gave me a hall pass to fool around with my friend but I felt like that just made my feelings more complicated. Now my friend just recently got into a new serious relationship and I'm really happy for him but also it sortve broke my heart? I just feel like the most selfish person and I don't really have anyone to talk to about these feelings. Everyone has been understanding but I just feel like a monster all the time.

Awesome question, anon I'm going to put the tl;dr up here, then do more under the cut. I feel you, friend. There are days I still wake up and think "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve the love or kindness or patience to figure this out." "Some people search their whole lives for someone like my partner. I am spoiled and bad for loving more., wanting(?) more." But that's not true. You learn by unlearning. Love isn't something that can follow a textbook definition. Relationships are complicated and intricate and trying to put them in a category is stressful and will make you feel bad. I can speak on that from example right now. I love Sean so much that I can't imagine a world where I am not supporting and loving him and saying "thats my man." But I am also quite frankly, falling for another friend who I have been falling for for a few months now.

You learn to accept loving multiple people when you realize your human experience is yours alone to act on

I wont lie and tell you I have all of this beat. I still worry that I am the right thing for Sean (my partner.) I worry that he is one of the most amazing people I have met in my entire life and that he deserves so much more than what I provide. However... I have talked to him about it. And something he loves about me, is that I have that capacity to love. Not to mention, people are not meant to "belong" to someone. If he was unhappy or saw no future, he could have cut this off and lived a life of his own choosing. That's how relationships work. Who I am and WHAT I am bring something to his life that helps he grow and provides something that he wants to nurture and love. I am insanely proud of you for talking to your partner about your feelings. A lot of people don't make it that far. Some relationships don't survive that talk. So talking to your partner as the first step is incredibly powerful. Keep that dialogue open, allow for them to have a space where they can dip out, but also let them know how much you appreciate being able to share these feelings and work through them together.

It sounds like your partner is aware of your feelings and understands that life isn't black and white, and the norms we have established as a society. I think it might also worth be exploring why *you* think you prefer monogamy. Personally I think monogamy is all well and good, and while i wish I could just be a "one and done" kinda guy- I know that's not my heart. I have two friends who have been together forever, and they are also open. While one does fall in love, he also knows he is monogamous in that regard because he just doesn't have the time to provide for two people personally because of how busy his life is and will be. But that doesn't mean he loves anyone any less, he just has his definition of love and what he's looking for. I think in a relationship, if you show that you care and provide and put effort in to that bond, that's what counts. Sean has no doubt in his mind that I love him and still love him even when I've fallen head over heals as I have for someone while I write this. After all, love isn't a pie chart. You don't love one person 70% and another 30%. Each person is their own precious bond, so why should you have to assign them basic terms when that just doesn't do? In my heart I know my love for Sean hasn't wavered at all. So I continue to show that. My partner (and maybe partners one day) are a prize to be won every day, so I will always make sure I follow that philosophy. All this is to say, you have to create your own definition for what love is based on how you feel and what your morals are. It sounds like you're going about this in a way where you're the only one who is really in danger of getting hurt, and man, more than anything I feel you. You're not carrying that weight alone. I can't say it's easy, nor is there a right answer. If the guy I'm in love with (who isn't Sean) got in to a relationship right now, I know it would really do some serious damage to my heart. But that's what I told myself might happen, thats part of being in love and caring about someone. You want to see them happy. It could happen while single too. It's just how life goes. I talk to Sean about it all the time, and how scared I get that he might leave us- even though he's not even *with* us. I am really rambling here, but I guess I am just trying to say that, from what you've said- You're operating as a good person. You love your partner, and have love in your heart for others. You are acting with kindness, you are acting to make sure that nobody besides you feels bad. Your feelings are valid. No matter what anyone says, your feelings are valid.

The human heart isn't something that operates on logic. It follows no societal norms, it challenges your brain, and refuses to silence itself. Which is exactly why you need to listen to it, if only to help yourself understand that your world isn't black and white. You are not evil for loving more than one person.

Keep trucking, anon. Don't beat yourself up over who you are, and show yourself some kindness, as you clearly do for everyone who is involved with you

[nightcolorz]

I must confess something, I do not understand white Vox lol is it just his VA? He may be just a TV with a body but his eyes seem to be drawn as east asian and thats his most prominent human feature. Majority of the time I see people draw him as a human they actually erase his real eye shape to (I assume) make him look more white. There's no real canon so people can hc whatever but I am so intrigued by how people are interpreting him white. I promise there are nasty tech/media ceos that overwork their employees all over the world... maybe im reading too much into it because the show is otherwise verrrry western-centric. Just curious how you view it, you're definitely in the majority and i realize people like me are the outliers but just saw your post and had to ask (if you didnt mind sharing).

Anon is referring to this post btw for context: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/746235899544813568/my-hot-take-is-that-i-think-that-a-vox-human?source=share

Anon ur hella polite and ik u got good intentions so I was stressing a little over how to respond without invalidating ur headcanon cuz like, I never want to be the guy saying “this character is white and u can’t headcanon them as a racial minority” cuz that’s pretty shitty no matter what. We definitely have different takes but when I���m explaining my interpretation I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to boss ppl around and say there’s only one way u can see these characters. This is just my personal interpretation and I was being funny in my og post implying that my interpretation is the “correct” way. But since u asked I’ll explain my reasoning why I (and prob other ppl) see Vox as extremely white lol.

I don’t take Vox’s physical appearance into account at all when thinking about his ethnicity cuz in a show were everyone is pretty racially ambiguous design wise Vox is one of the most ambiguously humanoid characters, like my guy literally has a tv for a head with eyes and a mouth, and that’s it. I don’t see ur point about his eyes at all tbh, to me Vox’s vaguely slanted eyes have always come off more like a devious squint than an ethnic feature. Even still I don’t read slanted eyes as Asian automatically so it never occurred to me.

I don’t read as Vox as white bcus of his VA being white or him being a tech bro billionaire (but ig they play a part). I read Vox as white mostly bcus I see his background as a former religious extremist/cult leader from the 50s with a skill in life and in death for male manipulating ppl and using them for his own gain as very white and western. (I got this info from his official reference sheet for auditioning va’s, here that is)

His capitalistic ideals and business practices r meant to mirror (extremely white) billionaires like Musk and Bezos, which adds to my perception of him. Of course being a billionaire tech guy is not a western white man exclusive thing, but I feel that if we were meant to perceive Vox as someone not from America that would definitely be coded or in some way communicated. And I say this with as little ill will as possible, but for me I wouldn’t want to perceive Vox as an East Asian tech bro billionaire specifically bcus there r negative stereotypes and connotations attached there. East Asian men have a history of being negatively stereotyped as corrupt tech business owners. I don’t think u are trying to imply those stereotypes with ur head canon (frankly it’s hard to avoid negative stereotypes in fiction a lot of the time bcus stereotypes encompass such a vast range of things that its hard to take them all into account). But regardless, it’s smth we should try to be conscious of.

Anyways, I also usually take these character’s personalities and values, self image, etc into account when im thinking about race, bcus race is more then color, and especially for characters with lives and personalities based in much less tolerant time periods, it’s significant to consider how race would play a role in forming the way they navigate the world. Based on how Vox behaves I can’t see him as being racially marginalized. I’m gonna compare Vox to alastor a little cuz alastor is canonically creole and I think he serves as a good reference for someone I perceive as not white in comparison to Vox and how I think he differs and contradicts the experiences of a racial minority.

Vox to me comes off as someone who thinks he is entitled to power, respect, privilege, etc, which is a very standard type of attitude for a white man who was alive in the 1950s to have. He’s very emotionally immature and volatile, doesn’t seem to concern much over his public image beyond petty dick measuring contests with alastor (he regularly publicly has angry tantrums and doesn’t break a sweat over how this will affect his status). He obviously cares about it (scolding Valentino for embarrassing him and such) but he doesn’t seem to worry about loss of reputation in any sort of real way. I get the impression that Vox has always had at least a standard amount of social standing and privilege and can’t see a life for himself without the fundamental privilege he feels owed there to support him. He’s basically a man baby, a man baby who still manages to garner power and respect effortlessly (it comes naturally to him) while remaining whiny and insecure. Very white man of him! White man behavior!

in comparison, Alastor, (who I do not read as white) is always frantically clinging to his composed self image and his power as if it will slip away from him if he loosens his grasp at all. He has an extremely firm grip on his composure to the point where he never allows anyone to see him slip at all, let alone frown (despite his mental health and emotional well being being equally fragile as Vox’s). Alastor understands deeply how little the world owes him and how difficult and unreliable his acquiring of status actually is. He is borderline neurotic about retaining his power and staying on top. Despite the smile, Alastor is always defensive and fearful, picking fights with anyone he thinks might be a threat like a small dog or a prey animal would. Meanwhile, Vox conducts himself like a man with nothing to loose. I feel like Vox grew up with money and doesn’t know poverty or a lack of privilege in any intimate way that would drive him to guard it in anyway beyond flippant. To Vox power, status, and privilege are inherent. Same can’t be said for alastor.

tldr in conclusion Vox’s brand of bad feels very specific to a white man, alongside his emotional immaturity and his attitude, mindset, and behavior. This is why I see him as white asf, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong or it’s in anyway less correct to headcanon him as a different race. That’s just how I see him. Thank u for sending the ask anon it was pretty interesting to write! Have a good day! (btw i love Vox he’s one of my fav character lol me calling him a white as shit privileged entitled man baby douchebag is out of love and all I find interesting and fun about him)

[study-core-101]

Popular Study Methods I dont like

(By Jay)

A list of study techniques that dont work for me at all. But study methods can work amazing for one person and then just complicate studying more for another. If they work for you, awesome, i'm happy about that. These are my personal experience with them, a lot of people wont relate and thats fine, people are different. But if you relate why these common/popular methods dont work for me, know you arent the only one and that there are more options. People might tell you "this method is amazing, you should do this" and there for you is shit.

Memorazing

Avoid this. When you memorize you dont learn. You cannot conect concepts because you dont understand. One thing is memorazing formulas, which is nessesary, but memorazing everything doesnt work. Understandment is way better. Yes, we need to remember and storage the information in our memory, but memorazing is different. Knowing the theory ord by word is shit if you cannot explain it in different words, conect it wit other concepts or put in practise.

Flashcards

Yep, studyblr favourite study method. Bear with me.

For me, it is a really passive way. When i make the Q&As of the flashcards, i remember the answers. I dont think. I associate the words. And then, when the test has the questions phrased different, my mind goes blank. It seem liked i learned because i remember but i wasnt actually learning.

Now you are probably thinking "use it for vocabulary". That doesnt help me either. Maybe it helps for knowing the meaning in a reading, but writing? I cant remember the spelling. For learning to spell a word i need to write it down. Use it in a sentence. Reading it over and over doesnt do anything.

All-nighters

Oh god, there is nothing worse than an all-nighter. One all-nighter will ruin your sleep schedule for weeks and tired=learn less. Plus, too much all-nighters lead to burn out.

With better time management, all-nighters wouldnt probably exist, or at least, be reduced by a lot

Also, as someone with chronic migraines, an all-nighter'd only give me a week straight with only terrible pain and i prefer failing a subject than that (i'd had to learn the hard way that lesson. always prioritaze your health)

Pomodoro

It's a little bit hypocrital of me to put it here, as I usually reccomend it to others. But personally? It just de-motivaties and stresses me. (disclaimer: it is a good technique, thats why i recomend it even if it doesnt work for me).

I'll explain why. The only way i can do a lot of productive stuff together (or just a long assignment) is to "get in the mood" or have like a "streak". I usually have to power through the first 5-10 minutes of studying and then i get super motivated and do a lot until my brain asks for a break. When the timer rings, it breaks it and i have to repeat the rutine again. It wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt that i work 3 or 4 times faster when i motivated than when i am powering through.

Also, having the self-impose deadline of a pomodoro (i know it isnt technically a deadline, but for some unknown reason, my brain processes it as one) makes me nervous and gives me anxiety. Just knowing the timer is going to go off anytime un-focus me. It's unnesesary stress.

[tobeywobey]

this is me asking about your grandberry pirate gillion au :0

YESYAYYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this spawned cuz of a swordfish supercut and also the joke lizzie made abt "you come on this ship you're my crew"

ok SOOO its canon-compliant UP until 53/57, around there ! gilly takes Not Ferin Well a whole lot worse, especially the almost jay betrayal! hes basically the same as he is in canon (atleast to jay and chip) but hes so upset over jay lying to them this whole time even after what theyve been through together. lizzie and caspian roll up on the half a ship and yk yk, gill goes to help and lizzie makes the "hes on my ship, hes on my crew" and. gill just thinks shes serious and hes shocked and then kind of relieved? he didnt know how to confront chip and jay about what happened on block and now he doesnt have to! and so he just. says goodbye to jay and chip and lizzie is like oh shit youre fr? ok welcome aboard. LOL .

jay and chip take this as well as youd expect! theyre obviously very betrayed and upset, and chip is mad at both gill but also Lizzie cuz in his mind she has just taken his best friend away from her :( they go their separate ways after an argument between all of them (mainly gill, lizzie and chip) and jay keeps trying to convince chip to go back, chip keeps trying to sail them forward and is even more deadset on finding arlin now (they drop off ollie way sooner, as soon as they get to zero-- which they leave for after allport)

gill would start to feel guilty but also the training hes doing with caspian and lizzie starts to help him, and hes also coming to terms with being in the oversea and in his mind the grandberry ship is helping him a lot!

anyways a lot of time passes, both ships go on canon-compliant adventures (HOWEVER. grandberry pirates fight off against the navy a lot more than riptide crew does in canon, so gill is also dealing with that .)

since it starts out near ep 50ish, its near ep 100 where they are reunited (in the black sea!) niklaus tempts lizzie (and by proxy the rest of the crew) by saying if they go and help him with what he needs (which is uh. gillion. its the same thing he wants gill to do in canon) that he will bring ava back (he can Totally do that guys.) and then he gets A BIT SILLY and goes to riptide pirate crew (atp theyd have all the normal npcs minus queen cuz that was all gillion's doing) and is like. Do you Want your Fish Guy? Hes somewhere in the black sea. find him for me and ill make sure he comes back to you guys . :D (he can also Totally do that.)

they meet in the black sea, have the same battle they did when they first got there (both albatross and grandberry together) and gill is still the one who saves jay which leads to sillyness ^_^ gill and jay . talk it out and whatnot, chip (once he stops refusing to talk to gill) and gill argue about it and have. surprise. another ice arena moment. theyre so insane.

---also extra notes--- :D

i dont exactly think hed say hes happier on the grandberry ship than with chip n jay i just . think hes definitely less worried about being the main protector? he knows caspian and lizzie can hold their own (not saying jay and chip cant its just .. you know..) and is living with a lot less stress and also has worked through undersea trauma like how he does in canon except with lizzie and caspian so . hes definitely living a better life, and if offered a place back on the riptide crew he wouldnt just abandon lizzie and caspian after all that especially cuz he still has lingering pain from jay betrayal ^_^

has lizzie/ava (past), swordfish QPR (i love them), liz/casp (QPR) (have you heard how caspian talks abt liz?), and uh........ yeah thats it.

also little idea idk where to fit in here . thinking abt gill missing ollie and chip (once theyve made up) being like "the three of us can go back to Zero and see him!" and gill is just like .. "chip this is my family now, im so much happier here than I have been (OUCH.) I can't in good conscious rejoin you as a riptide pirate after i've spent so long with as a grandberry pirate. However I would Like to see ollie." but both ships go and see ollie bc. yeah ^_^. chip is. devastated :(

hes much stronger and also slightly crazier! the navy trying to kill you will do that to you ^_^

i feel like i had something else to say but i forgot it.

[wyrm-town]

Btw, since it apparently needs to be said, here some tips on how to actually support someone dealing with a delusion/psychosis. This is from my personal experience as well as advice found online, so might not be perfect, but it should hopefully serve as a decent guideline.

CW: Brief examples of delusions that may trigger unreality.

Do NOT insist that said person is delusional/psychotic if they are not open to the idea. A small “do you think this could be a delusion?” may be okay. What is not okay is being pushy about it if they’ve rejected the idea. This will only make them trust you less.

DO be sympathetic. For example if someone were to say “I know I’m being watched.” You should say something along the lines of “I’m sorry you’re going through that, that sounds really scary. Is there anything I can do to help?” You have to understand that in the moment their delusion is reality to them, whether they recognize it’s a delusion or not. Treat it with as much sympathy and kindness as you would for something thats real to you.

DO avoid indulging in the delusion. Although you typically shouldn’t outright deny the delusion, feeding into it usually isn’t helpful either. Here’s an example: someone says “I know the world is going to end soon.” You SHOULDN’T say “Thats terrible! Is there a way we can stop it, or is there anything you wanna do before it ends?” You SHOULD say “That’s terrible! I can’t imagine how stressful it must be carrying that weight. Is there anything fun you wanna do to distract yourself?”

DO use distraction techniques. Changing the subject of conversation and finding fun things to do with this person is a great help in taking their mind off the delusion. My psychosis is most manageable when I’m with my friends or engaging with something entertaining like a show or game. You can find a lot of distraction techniques online or by talking to a psychologist!

Okay lastly, this is not universal. Everyone is different and therefore will have different needs and experiences. If you have a loved one with psychosis the best thing you can do is ask them what they need from you when they’re struggling with a delusion. If any changes need to made please lemme know as I want this to be helpful!

All the love to everyone with psychosis, all the systems, and especially all the psychotic systems out there!!

[doin-just-fine]

Hiya!! I saw you were inviting people to ask you system stuff, so as a questioning/newly discovered plural I have a couple questions!! If you're uncomfy answering these please feel free to skip any or delete this ask! I know they're potentially quite personal.

How did you find out you're a system?

What does internal communication look/feel like for you?

How do you personally handle self doubt?

The People Wanna Know:

🛸 Hello!! Thank you for submitting this question! I know as a newly discovered system reaching out about system things can be scary!!

For you're first question, the initial "discovery" was after I had gone off my ADHD meds for a week due to the shortages that were/are happening. I have been medicated for my ADHD since I was 8 and hadn't had a break from my meds greater than a day or two since that age. Let me set the scene, I'm finally living on my own, dating a system, and under a lot of stress from other things in my life. I start questioning if I'm a system just a little bit, more of a check in with my psyche and less of theres evidence pointing me here. Then BOOM no meds for a week or so. As I start questioning this and checking in (something I have done before quite a few times since learning and researching about plurality off and on the past 5 years) I notice that theres a really loud voice telling me horrible things about myself every time I try to think and check in about this. At the time this was a very uncommon thing for my mind. As the week progressed the voice and it's emotion got more and more distressing each time it piped up but I kept pushing back against it until it almost felt like a bubble popped. I was fighting the rude voice and suddenly I got a wash of this voices name/identity. It felt like a voiceover layered with different ways of identifying with the name Cloud mixed with telling me off. Ex (tw: aggressive language ): "You're a fucking idiot" "This is stupid" "Dumb ass" "Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You" ((Bubble Pops)) "cloud" "You're a fucking idiot" "name-" "This is stupid" "You're just lonely" "name: cloud" "You're not a system just stop" "i am cloud" "Fucking idiot you're so stupid" "Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off" "cloud" To be clear, it was more like the bubble popped and suddenly a new sense of identity started transmitting to me. Before just his words where being projected to me almost like over a loud speaker and then suddenly I was sharing a consciousness with him. This interaction was able to happen because my meds create a bit of a barrier that makes communication more difficult and therefore easier to hide the plurality from me. Once my meds were out of my system it made that negative voice louder and pushing against it easier until everything gave way.

Plurality is covert, meaning it doesn't want to be discovered and will do what it can to stay hidden, thats why gatekeepers exist and why denial spirals happen. You're brain doesn't want you to acknowledge it because then that means you are going to acknowledge what it has deemed unsafe memories, emotions, thoughts, feelings, patterns, ect. It also takes practice to navigate and communicate in your system and you won't be able to be sure of things right away. Things will change as you understand them better. For you're second question about communication I will be referencing how our varying levels of "fronting" works and to avoid making this response incredibly long I will direct you to the original post we first explain it in. We mostly feel each others thoughts rather than hear them. The only time I can every "hear" someone else's thoughts is if they are right next to me and/or feeling something very strongly. Usually if we want to "talk" to each other we talk out loud so everyone can hear what's being said and respond, or we right it out. But usually we rely of deciphering feelings. I can hear my own thought in my head but no one else's usually but they can seemingly hear mine. So I can talk to them in my head and then try to feel what they're emotional reaction is to what I'm saying and decipher their responses. It's a lot of yes or no questions or statements. like playing 20 questions. I can try to expand on our communication more if anyone would like me to. I do plan on making a post about it at some point.

As for your last question that ones very hard. I'm lucky that I told my therapist and she validated me making me feel clinically seen even without a formal diagnosis. She is far from being an expert or specialist but just being told by a medical professional "hey you're valid" was enough to take away the MAJOR denial feelings we would get. Early on it's gonna be very common and very hard. I had a could people go quite when I was first learning because they felt that me just wrapping my head around clouds existence alone first might be a better plan that 3 new people. And even now, it isn’t gone. It rears its head now and then especially because we are an atypical system so a few things that people use to fake claim kinda apply to us and we get worried we’re mistaken. If you have trauma, leaning on that when you have a denial spiral can be helpful like reminding yourself it makes sense for your brain to operate this way. If you don’t have trauma right down moments that feel particularly real and plural and when you start spiralling read those moments and try to remember how real that felt.

I hope this was helpful let me know if you have any questions or need clarification!!

REMEMBER: You're gonna be ok. You're gonna figure it out. Be kind and gentle with yourself and others. Asks are open. Have a nice day.

[oursidae]

IF YOU INSIST

takes your hands. come on this journey with me. for reference i consider kiryu to be exclusively gay but i feel like a lot of this except one bit also applies when reading him through a bisexual lens also <3 come listen to me talk about the way kiryu touches himself and how it changes throughout his life <3

i think when he was in his 20s he was a hedonist, far less so than nishiki but still, basically a frat boy, a horny 20 yr old. i dont imagine him having any actual sex partners during this time, in fact i think he's a virgin well into his middle age at Least. so he jacked off a lot. usually into his fist. i can see him making a fleshlight with 2 wet sponges and a cup. sometimes he got brave and touched his ass but felt so ashamed of it the days after he would be jumpy around nishiki and any other yakuza. (real yakuza cant like men...camera zooms in on kashiwagi) tldr hes so closeted and has so much internal homophobia it leeches into how he pleasures himself and knowing he might like sex in "unorthodox" ways is frightening in ways he doesnt super understand. ofc over the events of 0 he has bigger things to worry about but 0 is when i think kiryu's attraction to men comes to the forefront, through tachibana. (and also pocket circuit fighter.)

then, he goes to jail for 10 years. i think this period severely stunts him, because we know kiryu loves to just compartmentalize and shove all of the scary feelings down so he can just keep ignoring them, and being an invisible inmate makes that so much easier. any self pleasure he does during and immediately after this time is quick, utilitarian. dry and chafing just getting it over with, you know? any emotion attached to the act is a distant staticky buzz in the back of his mind.

of course im a kazumaji truther so during yakuza 1/kiwami, majima introduces to him a new level of sexual frustration that leads to him exploring pain and masochism by himself. majima doesnt *give* him this fetish, so much as he just opened the locked door to it. he digs his fingers into the cuts and bruises majima leaves on him and turns the shower water up until its scalding because if he didnt do this in the shower he'd pass out after with dried cum on himself. i think his feelings toward majima during this time are frightening spaghetti to him - something im sure irritates majima to no end, majima in my mind is far more assured of himself and who he is and his own sexuality and attraction to other men - and i dont think that kiryu does much in the way of exploration around this time aside from the odd burst of confidence (we were robbed by the banana bar substory.) he might try to touch his ass again here and there but theres still that twist of shame that he cant quite shake. i dont know when exactly i hc him entering a relationship with majima, if at All (i love the angst), but if he is having sex with majima at this time i think that relationship kicks his Growth into overdrive and he overcomes those hurdles a lot easier.

shame, i think, holds kiryu back a lot, because if he is this way, he isnt what is expected of him. if that makes sense. kiryu is supposed to shoulder it all alone and keep the tojo clan from sinking and there isnt room in that power fantasy for taking it up the ass and finding comfort in another mans arms, because this series is rife with toxic masculinity and commentary on it here and there.

on theme with burying his feelings and how peoples expectations of him affect him, kiryu in 2/kiwami 2 is DEEPLY SUICIDAL. like the whole game. if you havent noticed. kiwami 2 is one of my least favorite games of the series so this may color my judgment here a little. i think both kiryu and kaoru were experiencing comphet as their relationship progressed, especially the weird makeout next to her brothers corpse. you do weird things under stress, adrenaline, and trauma, and thats what i chalk this part of the game up to. i dont see him engaging in much, if any, self loving around this time period because of his severe depression, ptsd, and deep desire to end it all. if he does its in the "i might as well" way, or just to make time pass. he might even engage in it in a compulsory way, because he knows he'll feel a little better by the end bc orgasming does that, but its literally just for that purpose, not to Feel Good in a sexual way. just to hurry up and crank one out in the shower so he can get it together enough to get haruka to school.

kiryu has growing to do when he starts raising children and does his best to let go of any predjudices he has, but i think he still struggles with his own attraction to men. he never ever would teach his kids anything but to be kind, even if they find something odd. but he cant afford that kindness to himself. when i was in elementary school, i came home one day and told my mom "today i learned from my friend that gay is when boys like boys and that lesbian is when girls like girls :)" and then...that was that. she was like. "ah. okay... who said that to you? i see. did he say anything else about it?" and she didnt really push me to one conclusion about those facts. thats kind of how i see kiryu navigating some of these conversations. he'd steer them toward the kind option, if they needed it, but sometimes "yeah thats right. gay men are men who like men. lesbians are women who like women." is all you need, the confirmation that its real, and the neutrality that means yeah its fine.

and i think haruka is the most perceptive of kiryu bc of how they have grown together so like She Knows. if anyone puts the pieces together besides majima itd have to be her. and i think the conversation they one day (probably not around 3-era, unsure where i'd place this) have kind of also touches on harukas own bisexuality bc nothing abt what she did w that one girl she was friends with in 5 was hetero. 2 me. i wish I could be more coherent about this scene in my head, but i feel like its a conversation where a lot remains unsaid but is innately understood. they dance around the topic because saying it outright teeters on too much, but they know what theyre talking about. the love between them is unconditional.

anyway he doesnt have much time to masturbate when running the orphanage, but because he's busy with chores and taking care of a bunch of kids who he loves. plus thin walls. but hes gentler with himself when he does. maybe he starts foraying into men strictly in pornography, he's got magazines under the futon or looks up crusty jpegs on his phone or something. he lets go of some of the shame because he's found somewhere else where it feels right for him to be. he is so happy in okinawa it drives me crazy.

skipping over 4 bc he's still in okinawa for the majority of that game until saejima and company wash up on his beach and then he has to go back to kamurocho, during the events of 5 he is NOT touching himself. he hates himself so much in that game. he hardly showers. he lives with a woman and covers up her naked body when she strips in front of him. his boss is pointing out how gay everyone at his job thinks he is but insisting its okay but being clocked like that is a super specific punch to the gut that he wasnt really prepared for and really flusters him. for the most part i dont think his dick exists to him. he's sitting to pee. he hasnt gotten it up in months.

i blocked 6 from my memory for the most part except how kiryu in a baseball uniform makes my dick hard. haruka and yuta i think r bi4bis my girl deserves it.

post 6, he is not Kiryu Kazuma anymore, and despite the pain that comes from forced separation from his family, being a different person is so freeing. he gets to explore things. he gets to let his shoulders drop and relax for the first time since 2005. im playing thru gaiden right now and already dont remember all of the daidoji restrictions on him but by now he's pretty much fully realized himself and embraced his sexuality. he lets himself have his fantasies. he's become a bit of a hedonist like he was in his 20s with far more easy access to gay porn and sex toys. i know my man has a butt plug in his gay ass!!! i love bottom kiryu. have i ever said how much i love bottom kiryu. i think he has nights where he puts on a porn video and treats himself. i think he has some drinks and a cigarette and fingers himself and plays with his balls and teases himself until his orgasm sneaks up on him. and then he takes a shower and goes to sleep in his underwear. is he completely healthy? absolutely not. his self sacrificial streak and need to bear all of the pain by himself is why he's here. he still has unaddressed severe trauma and depression. but he can fingerfuck himself and watch gay porn without his stomach churning over the fact that he actually wants this, so progress is progress.

i need to stress. i started thinking about all this. because i put kiryu in this outfit

and thought about him putting on dark plum colored lipstick and looking at himself in the mirror and smudging it a little and getting so hard that he gets lightheaded and immediately needing to jack off about it. i would say im going to write that fic but i know i wont.