#and that’s when I realized that not only am I no better than Hawks who pretended to kill to gain Dabi’s trust

[sarah-dipitous]

Reblog and put in the tags what you mean when you say a hot villain will make you forget your morals

Bonus: tell me which villain!

[thehusbandoden]

You Flinch During an Argument -Shinso Hitoshi

A/n: meow <3

Oh wait I think this is actually my first finished thing for Shinso. Am I doing him right?? Idk T^T

General info:

Genre: angst to fluff/comfort // Wc: 1,594 // second person

Warnings!: arguing, accidentally breaking a promise, flinching, and a little bit of crying.

Dabi | Hawks | Todoroki Shoto | Bakugo Katsuki | Midoriya Izuku | Shigaraki Tomura | Aizawa Shota | Amajiki Tamaki | Kirishima Eijiro | Shinso Hitoshi

Horror ate away at Shinso's conscience as he looked down at you in shock.

You, his beloved y/n who stuck with him through these difficult seven months of a new relationship. His one and only supporter, his first love, his best friend, and his partner.

He had promised you that he would never use his quirk on you unless it was related to training.

He promised, and he belived it too. He knew that he would never take control of your goregous mind.

And so why? Why did he let himself be so weak. So.. so out of control?

It was all a blur. He hadn't even realized that he activated his quirk that he despised so much. One second you were shouting at one another, and the next you were completely still, eyes holding no sign of their usual spark. That spark that was always present, the spark that he grew to adore.

He continued to yell though, not yet noticing that you weren't yourself.

"Why can't you tell that I did nothing! She grabbed my arm and I ignored her! I walked away without sparing her a glance- y/n she means nothing! You're the only one that I could ever possibly be interested in! So why are you being so stubborn!? Just- just stop!"

At his command you simply dropped the arms that were folded against your chest, going completely still.

That was when he realized that you weren't in your right mind- that it seemed like you were being controlled.

The realization broke his heart as he deactivated his quirk, causing your eyes to suddenly pop back to life.

Your face was contorted in confusion for a few moments before you slowly looked up at him in shock.

"Y-y/n I-I can explain." Shinso's voice was wobbly as he looked down at you, eyes wide in unbelieve, voice full of emotion. You've never seen him this shaken before, and to be honest it scared you. What.. happened?

"D-did you just control me? Hitoshi you better answer truthfully."

"I-I did but- please it was an accident- I- I swear-"

"Hitoshi.. you promised me you wouldn't. What happened?" You asked, tears in your eyes as your hands started to shake.

"I-I know baby I know but please it was an accident- I- I noticed when you stopped when I told you to-"

"How long did you control me Hitoshi?"

"Less then a minute- please y/n I didn't mean to!"

"But yet you still did. I- I can't look at you right now. I.. need some time."

"Y-y-y/n.." Shinso whispered, tears pooling at the edge of his eyes.

"Y/n... y/n please- I- I-"

"I-I'm just going to go.. I'll.. see you some other time."

"Y/n wait!"

"What is it.. Shinso?"

"I-I am so, so sorry. I'll understand if you're going to- to leave me."

"No, Sh- Hitoshi. I'm not going to leave you. I Just need some time to sort this out, okay? I'll text you when I get to my dorm, but other than that please don't contact me."

"O-okay.. I-I love you.."

"I- I love you too.."

~~

Three weeks later and you were still dreading talking to Shinso. You've texted him every few days to let him know that you were doing okay and you simply needed more time. He was understanding each time, and that calmed you down quite a bit.

You knew that you wouldn't be able to leave him. You've loved the boy for years. You fell in love with himin elementary school, admiring his quick wit and braveness fending off bully after bully. You admired him, you really did.

The two of you quickly became friends, and your love for him grew each day. You eventually worked up the courage to confess in your first grade of high school. He seemed hesitant, but he accepted your brunch date. After three dates in quick session he was the one to ask for the two of you to advance, which you accepted.

Less than a month in he confessed his love and you reciprocated his feelings. Five more months into your relationship and everything seemed so perfect. That is until girls started flocking him.

It made sense, he had recently gotten into the hero course and had outstanding looks. You would've been fine with it- but he didn't seem to mind.. at all. He wouldn't tell them to back off, or even tell them he was taken. He simply.. ignored them. It made you uncomfortable and you tried to reasonable about it, but he just wouldn't listen.

After a month of this back and forth you refused to be brushed off again and it ended up being both your first argument as a couple, and will probably be the worst one in at least a year or so.

You believed him when he said that he didn't mean to activate his quirk, but it still hurt. And you couldn't shake it off. You knew that you would forgive him, and this endless silence was breaking him, but you just needed more time. But you also knew that you couldn't wait much later or Shinso would be broken for at least a few months. And so, you scheduled a meet up. In three days, you texted Shinso to meet you in your favorite park to talk. He willingly agreed, and now you simply have to collect your thoughts.

~~Three days later~~

You took a deep breath as you looked yourself over in the mirror.

You were dressed casually, plain blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket.

Looking over yourself worriedly, you smiled as you remember you complaining about this exact outfit to Shinso and how he told you that you looked nice. He hugged you from behind, gazing into your eyes lovingly before complimenting everything he loved about your outfit, accompanying each sentence with a kiss to your head, temple, forehead, cheeks, and then your nose.

He gazed into your eyes, taking your hand before telling you that you were gorgeous, and that he could never dream of anyone more perfect than you.

Smiling sadly, you hurry to grab your phone and wallet before heading out of your dorm, greeting your classmates as they smiled and waved at you.

Stepping outside, you hurry to the park, wanting to get there before Shinso does. Humming, you smiled at your favorite play list you were listening to, deciding that some of your favorite music would help calm your nerves and help you think clearer.

A few minutes later you arrived at the park, smirking as you realized Shinso wasn't there yet.

Ever since you discovered the park in the beginning of your highschool year the two of you started a tradition, if you could call it that. You never discussed it, but you had always rushed to see who could get to the park first, and Shinso usually won. He hardly cared about how he looked and didn't mind losing out on sleep to see you pout so cutely.

It was actually quite endearing, though you would never admit it out loud.

Sitting on your favorite bench under a large Oak tree, you pull out your phone to text Shinso, gently teasing him for being second this time. As you were about to hit send, you jumped as you felt a cold hand embrace your cheek. Looking at the hand, you scoffed as you saw Shinso holding your cheek gently, smiling teasingly at you.

"Got you.. again." Shinso murmured, causing you to blow a strand of hair out of your face huffingly.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." You pout, causing the boy in front of you to chuckle.

"So.. you're ready to talk?" Shinso prompted, sitting across from you, now nervous and unsure.

"Yeah... Listen Hitoshi, I know you didn't mean to, and I know that you feel really bad about it."

"I do, I really, really do."

"And I know for a fact that I am not gonna leave you for something so silly. I love you, Toshi and I want to hear the apology you've been dying to tell me and forgive you."

"Y/n, my Love, I am so, so sorry. I cannot forgive myself for losing control of my quirk like that, and I promise that I will do everything in my power to never lose control again. I also want to apologize for overlooking your feelings. In my head it was enough to ignore them, but now I realize that that was selfish and wrong, and I want to talk to you, calmly about it, and find a conclusion."

"I forgive you, Toshi. And I'm sorry too. I'd really like it if we could find some middle ground.. but first, we should get some lunch and go on a date, we've harldy seen each other in three weeks after all. Oh, and I love you I really, really do."

"And I love you so much more y/n, so much that it hurts." Shinso murmured, leaning towards you after every word, finishing it off with kissing your lips sweetly.

"I don't think that's possible." You breathe, causing Shinso to chuckle.

"Oh trust me, it is." He finished, pecking your lips once more before standing up, taking your hand to take you out on the best date possible.

Because there is nothing Shinso loved more than you, and he'd continue to prove it until the day he died.

Reblogs help spread and support my work therefore they help me immensely but any support is appreciated <33

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Tips <3

~~~~~

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.

[love-byers]

What do you think about people saying that us Bylers are not supporting Robin as a character and they only see her as a gay mentor for Mike & Will? That we only see Rovickie as gay mentors for them. Some people are saying that because we pay alot of attention to Byler that it overshadowed Robin of her coming out as lesbian, personally i disagree with this, obviously everybody has their own opinions but I we can also voice our own. With Robin, I obviously see her as her own character yk? I don't see her as just a gay mentor for the kids, Robin is her own person, Rovickie is their own ship, I know it may look like I probably just see her as just a gay mentor but it's really not like that, she is an absolutely amazing character, she is for sure as hell a good example for people who are in the closet? I feel the same with Rovickie. Rovickie is their own ship, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting them to guide Mike & Will, it's a necessity imo because their soo young and they don't know how to deal with all of this (especially in the 80s) they need help and guidance. But yeah I went on a whole rant haha, BTW I'm sorry if I don't explain well lol

i actually just saw the thing you're talking about and screenshotted it to post here!! i honestly think its so dumb. and i dont just say that because im a byler fan and feel attacked

if you're a byler fan and run a byler account, no shit you're going to mostly post about byler. if you don't run a robin blog/account you probably don't mention her as much as whatever your account is dedicated to. i do talk about other ST topics and general theories but its mostly byler. because thats just what i like to talk about. so yes a lot of the time when i mention other characters its in relation to byler, not always though. that doesn't mean i dont like the characters or only view them as support beams for byler.

as a lesbian i love robin and think she's wonderful representation. i heard it was maya hawke's idea which i think means robin was originally going to be straight and just didn't see steve that way so it was going to be about him accepting the fact that a girl doesn't like him just because. but i'm so happy maya suggested that because its eons better than the original. robin is a great character and i think her coming out scene is so perfect and well written. her fear is so relatable, that feeling when you realize your guy friend likes you but you really do love him and don't want to lose him? its scary. and maya portrayed that beautifully. seeing her be accepted by steve was so emotional and also really important.

but i don't say all of that every day because i'm not a robin blog. i've posted about her/rovickie a few times without relation to byler, but yes i frequently mention parallels and mike and will interacting with robin and vickie in s5. because i am absolutely PUMPED FOR THAT. will is my favorite character and i think it would be really touching to see him interact with another queer person and feel like he can finally open up and feel safe while doing it. i don't know why some people think we're evil for wanting that. like its such a real thing for queer youth, making your first gay friend, perhaps someone a bit older and more realized/confident, and being SO happy that you can speak freely and be yourself. i want that for will who at this point in the story feels like a mistake, and of course mike makes him feel better about that as he said, but he cant speak freely around him. he could do that with robin. he probably feels like the only gay person in hawkins, so imagine how happy he would be to find out there's MORE!! THEY EXIST!! YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!!

if you don't want to see queer characters connect especially in the 80s i honestly don't know what to say. you've got some serious pettiness problems if you don't want that

and i also hate the trend of diehard ST fans acting like the characters are real people. they're made up. you can't hurt their feelings. getting offended on behalf of a character is some real chronically online behavior.

there is no quota on how many times you have to post about a certain character. its your account and they're not real people so you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT. for every post you make relating robin to will or rovickie to byler, you don't have to make another post talking about how great robin is to make up for it. that's stupid. i seriously dont know what they expect when they go on a BYLER ACCOUNT.

i used to get attacked on twt for only mentioning el in relation to byler, which first of all wasn't true, but even if it was WHO CARES??? i was a byler account literally WHAT DID THEY EXPECT??? it hurts no one. people just hate byler fans (which honestly i lowkey understand cause some of us are terribly annoying) and look for any reason to sound justified when they express that hate.

you dont have to equally divide your love and attention to all the characters. you don't. at all.

[hazzyking]

Take two. I'm getting writers block so I wanna try something fresh. Enjoy a Mihwak x Reader

Either anime or LA is perfect ((like my Buggy~)) but this fic is based off LA Mihwak

If you like this and want a smutty part 2 let me know, and I promise. I will write a part 2.

Just a Guy in a Bar

The sun sunk below the horizon giving the Barite a nice orange glow and that same firey glow to the water. You walked in and took your seat at the bar that wrapped around the mouth of the fish ship. The Barite was a perfect venue to you, a nice bar with plenty of space for dancing and a live band, and it was neutral ground for you and your crew to wind down after a long seven months on the grand line.

Once the sun had been replaced by the moon, the Barite was lit with candle light inside and outside, giving the ship a golden aura to shine off the navy blue water. You sat at the bar twirling your drink in your hand, you felt a slight tickle on your cheek of a feather, confused you turned and realized the back of someone's hat was completely invading your space "uh- scuse me" you said tapping the strangers thick leather jacket. The stranger turned around, revealing his piercing yellow eyes that were focused like a hawk - or, like a really wine-drunk hawk from the looks of it. "Mihwak?" You said surprised."What are you doing here?"

"A warlord isn't allowed to go out for a drink?" He said sitting next to you. "I should be asking you, what are you doing here" Mihwak chuckled holding a wine glass in his hand as he leaned against the bar.

"Okay your clearly drunk and super out of character right now" you chuckled putting your hand up as if to catch him if he toppled over.

"I am not drunk" Mihwak said like a white girl who had too many tequila shots.

"Alright" you said in defeat.

"(Y/N) right? How is your life of pillaging and plundering?" Mihwak said smirking darkly.

"You gave up that life remember Mihwak" you chuckled looking the warlord up and down. "You payed a visit to Shanks didn't you?" You smirked and then realized the warlord become defensive.

"A child has a 30 million bounty" Mihwak said "a child Shanks knows well"

"Yeah. I know that child" you chuckled. "Why are you here getting Wine-Drunk, because Luffy is worth a whopping 30 mil?" You asked curiously.

"Were getting old" Mihwak admitted, which caused your face to soften. "It's only a matter of time till the Luffy's and the Zoro's of the world become better than us old dogs and faze us out. Some day everyone will be a warlord and everyone will be an emperor and none of these silly titles will matter" Mihwak simply put- slurring his words a little. This was a surprise considering he was normally, such a well spoken man.

"I don't think warlords will matter in the future Mihwak- the world government-"

"I know, is the enemy. Shanks told me all about how I betrayed the pirates by giving up my bounty to serve a greater purpose" Mihwak said almost falling into you, you put your hand out to catch him, touching his fair, hot skin.

"Mihwak, let's go somewhere more quite, maybe you could sober up a bit" you chuckled taking his arm and leading him to the back dock of the Barite. The area was quiet but you could still hear the band faintly. You looked over at the water, how the moon made the navy blue ocean twinkle, it was almost magic to you. The magic was slowly interrupted when Mihwak attempted a graceful seat next to you which ended up with him stumbling and spilling wine on himself.

"Fuck" he muttered. You laughed, realizing you've never herd him swear before. "What's so funny Dove?" He said in his proper voice again.

"Shockingly- you" you giggled. "A great and powerful warlord is sitting next to me, soaked in wine... and wine drunk like a middle aged house wife" you laughed looking at his serious face which slowly erupted into laughter as well, you watched as his eyes crinkled and his yellow orbs were just barley visible his laugh was beautiful, and it almost took your breath away.

"I told you- I'm getting old" Mihwak sighed. "Sometimes I wish I was just- some guy in a bar. And not- rewnoned swords man" he sighed looking out at the ocean, your features softened as you leaned back to be on the same level as him, your hand was placed on his leather jacket. Your fingers tapping on his chest.

"Your not old." You simply said. "Your still the same old Charming Mihwak. The only difference is- your not trying to overthrow the government" you giggled watching his lips curl up into a beautiful smile.

"You think I'm charming?" He said his eyes darting between your eyes and lips as he began to lean forward a bit.

"Mihwak-" you put your hand up to his lips "as much as I really want to kiss you right now- I can't take advantage of you" you said, regretting the fact that deep down you cared for the swordsman.

"I'm not drunk" Mihwak said smiling. "It was an act" he chuckled looking at you. You looked at him too stunned for words. "I just wanted to get close to you" Mihwak admitted. You felt heat creep up your neck and onto your face, you knew you were bright red by now. "(Y/N)? You really wanna kiss me?" Mihwak said with a smile.

"Well, when I thought you were drunk and you weren't gonna remember what I said. Uh yeah" you laughed awkwardly.

"Hey- I'm just a guy in a bar" Mihwak said as he gently brushed your hair back with his fingers and cupped your face, his gentle touches sent shivers down your spine as he pulled you into a delicate, passionate kiss.

[darkonekrisrewrite]

Emily from Hazbin Hotel would be infinitely better at Deku's job (narratively and literally) than he is. For the simple fact that when she finds out about Heaven's dark secret, the exterminations, she is horrified and goes this is not okay, it's not okay that this is happening, I am not going to be quiet about this. If we are judging people off of one moment and are refusing to look at the context, or improvement, while allowing our people to get away with this, than this entire system is a lie. We get this in one episode, fuck it, a song

Deku meanwhile in 400+ chapters finds out horrifying truth after horrifying truth about hero society, and doesn't care, half the time it doesn't even occur that this is fucked up, and should not be happening. He is bullied for years based on his quirk status, especially by Bakugou 'well he's going to be a hero so this shouldn't be taken seriously' He learns that the number 2 hero bought his wife, neglected his not perfect quirk babies and abused all of them, and was already an ass before that, 'theres no need to bring this up to All Might, or the principal, or do anything about that, I just need to get this victim to be cool with his quirk' (this also goes for Bakugou the easedropper). His upperclassman stops him from saving a six year old in blatant danger, and both that top upperclassman, their boss, and his past mentor outwardly state/ agree with it would be bad publicity if they didn't arrest all the Yakuza at once, and that they barely care about that child after learning see was the ingredient to the weapon they were making, 'well were saving her now'. Lady Nagant was and Hawks is the personal assassin for the commission against whoever they want without trial or due process, 'Hawks is going to make a great new president of the commission'. Rody Soul was forced to support his younger siblings as a child, was assaulted by adults, was forced to turn to crime, while heroes did nothing, 'well I'm helping now (because it goes along with a larger case) so it's all good'

After all this Deku is a fucking bootlicker who is mentally so fucking lazy he has never questioned this shit ass system after all this, his values are empty because he only cares to look at the titles and not reality, he has gotten worse, not better, at this over the course of the series. Meanwhile Emily wasn't tolerating this shit day one of finding out, and she was working within this system too

Yeah pretty much true.

People say that hazbin hotel rushes things because of it's short episode count/runtime but at least it always gets to the point without going in circles for years, dragging out the characters finally understanding the message.

When something obviously wrong and counter to everything they believe in, is shoved in a character's face, there should be a reaction equal to the importance of the 'idea/theme' in verse.

In theory, it doesn't matter if their reaction is good or bad/for better or worse, because either way it should be an understood event that causes a blow to their way of thinking, based on the importance of the revelation.

Deku did that all of 1 time.

And that's putting it generously, in him mildly calling out Endeavor at the sports festival, way back at the beginning of the series.

This never happened again, not towards anything related to heroes or hero society.

It should have been a very big deal for Deku to realize that the number 2 hero was able to buy another human being as part of a eugenics goal to make a more powerful hero.

He at least should have considered telling an authority figure (All-might or Nedzu) about it, just in case there was anything else that may have been going on with Endeavor.

It should have been a very big revelation for Deku that his upperclassmen was willing to let a very clearly injured (wearing bandages) and terrified little girl go back with the guy who was obviously implied to be responsible for doing it to her.

Mirio could have beaten or at least stalled overhaul until backup arrived while Deku took Eri and ran.

(He definitely could have too, as he was able to fight against overhaul in a confined space while quirkless, for a fair amount of time.)

But until everyone knew exactly what was going on with Eri, Mirio was fine with putting the mission above a little girl's life, letting her go with someone who they knew was a dangerous Yakuza.

Gigantic red flag regarding what the heroes prioritize when the situation isn't ideal.

It ties back into hero society abandoning those who are inconvenient perfectly, leaving them to suffer and eventually become villains or die.

Looking back Deku should have realized that but because he got the approval of the system to go back and save the girl as part of the mission, everything's cool...

And this does show that he has gotten worse as the series goes on, as he's not even willing to bark back at the hero system.

Deku has called out villains all the time (Dabi, Flecturn, toga and Shigaraki), he knows how to talk back, so it's not that he CAN'T.

But whenever it's something that's got to do with hero's flaws, nothing.

It's that he WON'T talk back to heroes.

And if he really is just a kid who can't even talk back to his bosses or peers, or the "innocent" people who are responsible for (at least) half of the villains in bnha -

With the idea that they are responsible for the villain's current lives, showing how their callousness and cruelty drove the villains to that point.

-Then what the hell have we been following him all this time for?

Izuku has only temporarily saved their society, like Mirio said: "Setting things at Zero".

Is that it? The best to hope for?

Setting things back to Zero with no idea of improvement? Because it's "Impossible"??

[livlivlivliv]

could you do hawks x fem!reader, you just came home from work, prepare for dinner, few moments ago, hawks came to your apartment for dinner, you two were together in apartment when you asked him to be lived with you, you two simply helping and eating, washing the dishes together. they honestly love each other to help it out *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

you ask, you get <3

HOME ೃ⁀➷

Low heat, bubbling pots, meat ready and seasoned. The aroma of sauces and spices filled the entire kitchen. Outside the weather was cold, it had even been raining but by nightfall the only evidence left were the puddles that graced the city streets. Despite being exhausted after a long day at work, wanted to cook something hot and delicious to wait for Keigo. Some time ago you wanted to talk to him about a specific topic.

A few last fixes and spoonfuls brought to your mouth for "quality control" and the food was done. Plates and bowls were placed on the table, which was laden with your creations. Broth, noodles, vegetables, meat. Without a doubt, there is no better option than this for such a cold day. Humming a song while finished accommodating the cutlery, you heard the sliding door to the balcony open followed by a "I'm back".

Just a few seconds after his arrival you could already see him from the dining room, totally focused and guided by the aroma that the dinner gave off. "What is all this?" he asked smiling.

"You say that like i never cook" you put down the last glass and turned to face him.

"Yes but today it seems that you were inspired" he approached and took off his aviator glasses, letting them fall somewhere. He was right, usually when both of their schedules extend into the late hours of the night they limit themselves to ordering fast food.

You felt a kiss press on your forehead followed by a slight shiver. "You are so cold!" your hand traveled to his cheek to check his temperature and realize that he was indeed freezing.

"It's not one of my favorite activities to fly in this weather" looked at him compassionately.

"My poor boy" you lightly pinched his cheekbones which instantly turned a soft red "You're lucky this girl made you such an amazing dinner" said feigning superiority and making a dramatic gesture with your hand.

"You don't know how lucky I am"

The food had been delicious, not a trace of what had once been a table laden with steaming dishes. In the case of you two, didn't stop talking and laughing for a single minute, just like all the meals and moments you shared since even before you started dating. No one knows where but they both gathered strength and deigned to clean everything to wash it afterwards. Apparently they were very involved in the conversation since they almost always leave everything dirty and immediately collapse on the sofa or bed. The next day they will take care of it.

You finished reaching the last bowl to Keigo, who had been in charge of washing and you continued bothering around him. He was still in his hero outfit, only without his glasses or his jacket, you had always thought how attractive he looked without it on.

Next to him while he was washing up, you remembered the reason for dinner when he had mentioned that today he could not spend the night in your apartment since tomorrow he had some unfinished business at the agency first thing in the morning. He hated to say things like this to you after had a great time together.

"You know Kei, that's what I wanted to talk about" you started somewhat insecure.

"Tell me. Hey, why doesn't the grease come off this thing?" He said frustrated, very involved in the work, scraping the pan hard. You smiled.

"I'm more than satisfied with the time we spent together and I love receiving you here, it's practically your home too" you watched a smile form on his face and continued. "We've been dating for a while now" you kept rambling.

"And, I don't know, maybe we could... live together" you rubbed your arm shyly and pressed your lips together. "move" you finished.

You heard how the water stopped falling and you could feel his eyes looking to meet yours, you were ready to receive some negative response.

After a few seconds of silence, totally impatient, you looked up to see a smiling Keigo on the verge of tears. Your heart pounded. "Kei i-" His arms held you tightly against his chest and emotions took over you as well.

Without any intention of letting go, you returned the hug by rubbing part of his back as a comfort. You felt his nose sniff. "Sweetie? you are well?" a small laugh rumbled near your ear "Of course I would live with you."

Happiness and excitement ran through your veins, but what caught your attention the most was the opponent's reaction after finding that his voice was somewhat broken. You separated a bit and you could see that there were indeed at least two tears falling down his cheeks. His eyes sparkled.

Confused and with a shy smile, you delicately ran your fingers over the wet skin. "Kei, why are you crying?" you asked softly, his vulnerable state softening your chest and slightly crystallizing your eyes.

Keigo didn't know domesticity, didn't know the warmth of a home or the feeling of belonging. The taste of a home cooked meal and a hot stove was also unfamiliar, it sounded so foreign. Until he met you.

And for the first time he experienced what he and his inner child longed for, a home.

A home where receiving comforting hugs is something of every day, a home where there is someone who is always looking out for his well-being and does everything necessary to see him happy. A home that, despite the fact that it is snowing outside, remains warm, a home that gives off laughter and good times.

It's everything he ever dreamed of. Darkness and loneliness were no longer part of his life, not since he knew the warmth of the sun and how bright it can be. The past does not disappear, he always remembers where he came from but he prefers to turn and see where he is going. Maybe because he is an optimist.

If you wonder why he's crying, it's because for the first time he can say that has a home. And can not imagine another better than this.

luv u [masterlist]

[spopsalt]

The ones I sent earlier I more or leas grouped by a theme of why I hate them. But I can’t really categorize them anymore. So I bring you…

More miscellaneous She-Ra pins I found while sorting through Pinterest that made me want to die and my commentary on them. Pt. 1

Idk if this is a joke about Catra hurting Adora, or a joke about Adora ‘letting’ Catra hurt her. Either way, I don’t like it. I really feel like this is another ‘Adora=Dumb’ jokes.

Congratulations, you found the only four frames of Adora smiling in this scene, amongst a sea of shots of her being visibly uncomfortable. Personally, I don’t see it as a smile, more of her trying to put on a brave or determined face. But you could also easily chalk these frames up to an animation error. Not that a C//A Stan would listen. You get the idea.

A lot of people say Catra is trying to make Adora jealous here. Nevermind the fact that both her and Catra are teens here, and Entrapta is in her late 20s/early 30s. Also, I find it odd how touchy Catra is and how much she manipulates Entrapta. If the ages were reversed, Catra would look like some sort of ephebophile or groomer. But Entrapta is the adult, and autistic. I’m not sure what that’s to imply. All I know is to me, it reads like a weird situation where the teen is being a predator to the adult, because the adult is autistic and therefore ‘younger’ than the teen. I’m not sure who wrote Catra and Entrapta’s interactions or if they realize how fucked up it is, least of all a show for kids. But suffice to say, I don’t like it.

This one is a fun little exception. I don’t hate the meme itself. But I do hate the fact that it’s right. 2018 Sea Hawk on his own is fine, but I’ll now and forever be slightly pissed off knowing that OG Sea Hawk was a badass, and now we have an arsonist who can’t take anything seriously and who’s only motivation for anything is Mermista. I’m not saying the new SH is bad, but I am saying the OG one is a million times better for numerous reasons.

Another case of sexualizing a minor. And would you look at that, it specifically says ‘small Adora’. Good God, they’re getting younger. I honestly can’t think of a better way they could indirectly say they’re doing this on purpose. It reminds me of that one episode of Helluva Boss at the summer camp, and how ‘Milard’ was being sent nudes despite people thinking it’s a tween they’re sending them to. The fact ‘Milard’ made the same meme face doesn’t help.

Wow. thay's a lot. For number 1: Adora literally looks terrified and uncomfortabe when Catra is attacking her??? She isn't thinking it's cute???

For number 2: She was smiling because she was playing along with Catra's act? You can tell that the smile is very forced, but noooo she secretly loved the dance despite the fact that she was visably uncomfortable.

For number 3: Again, like what you said this was in season 1, soooo Catra would been 17 while Entrapta was in her 30s...yikes. Also yeah Catra is wayyyy too touchy with Entrapta, like touching her hair and like leaning up against her and stuff like that...if the ages were reveresed, people wouldn't be thinking it's some cute thing

For number 4: I think this was a joke, but it still literally made me feel sick <3

[cuips-not-cute]

my parents' farm is a lot of fun because everybody gets along but only barely, and they are all supervised by a giant 120 lb caucasian/antolian/pyr mix who looks like a wolf and a bear successfully interbred and produced offspring but is actually the biggest baby alive so you constantly find yourself in situations like the one i was in this morning, which went something like:

me (to dog): hello baby. here is your breakfast. i have fortified it with chicken broth and frozen blueberries to cool you down and keep you hydrated on this balmy summer day.

dog (to me): thank you human. i am going to drool all over this delicious food and let my mouth get all frothy because i am such a messy eater and i love chicken broth so much. do not worry, i do not have rabies, i just eat weird.

me (to dog): excellent, and i will watch the herd while you take your breakfast. please, as you were.

ducks (to other ducks): hey guys. look. the dog is eating. let us all waddle up reallyyy slowly to see if we can snag a bite.

me (to ducks): i am watching you. i know what you are planning. you do this litterally every time.

ducks (collectively): hmm hmm we are just a handful of ducks, strolling by. nothing nefarious going on here. no way.

me (to ducks, shooing them away): why are you trying to steal his food. do you realize he spends all day making sure you and your friends don't get eaten by hawks and foxes. show a little respect.

dog (to self). mmmm, blueberries.

ducks (to other ducks): aurrgh!! the huge featherless duck has figured out our clever plan!! time to circle around the great beast and see if we can steal his food the back way.

me (to ducks): i still see you. i am going to shoo you again.

sheep (to me, deciding to make an entrance): hello i see that you have knees!! mind if i headbutt them?

me (to sheep, he is my favorite sheep and this is our favorite game but i am very busy shooing the ducks): yes in fact i do mind. i would like to still be able to walk, please.

sheep (to me, uncaring): haha knees!! glorious knees!! i am going to smack them with my giant sheep skull!!

me (to sheep, bracing his giant skull with my hands so i don't get my kneecaps smashed in): buddy. now is not the time.

sheep (to me): aha!! i see you have bested me at my own game!! no matter, i will simply rub my wooly head all over your jeans!!

ducks (to dog, and other ducks): WE HAVE CONQUERED THE BEAST. FEAST ON CHICKEN BROTH AND BLUEBERRIES, DEAR BROTHERS, AND MAY THIS DAY BE MARKED AS THE GREATEST DAY IN DUCK HISTORY!!

dog (to me, crying): there are ducks in my FOOD!!

me (to dog, pulling all the ducks away): hey buddy. you realize you are so very huge and could bat these ducks away by lifting only one of your giant paws, yes? you don't have to let them eat your food.

dog (to me): i do not know what you mean. they are birds who are eating my food. i don't know what to do when birds eat my food, because you taught me to be so very chill around these birds that i simply freeze up and cry when they begin theiving.

me (to dog): yes and you are so good with these birds, baby. i am sorry that i got distracted and allowed them to infiltrate your food bowl.

sheep (to self): haha!! even better than knees is the head!! and the human is crouching down to pet my very best friend the dog which means that our heads are level!! haha!! charge!!

me (to sheep, outsmarting him): look!! i am standing up now!! you cannot smack our heads together if you cannot reach!!

sheep (to me, then to self): ah yes of course of course!! silly me!! why, is that dog food i see? with chicken broth and blueberries? it's my lucky day!!

me (to sheep): you are a herbivore. stop trying to eat dog food oh my god.

dog (crying): there is a sheep trying to eat my FOOD.

[theluckywizard]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Ohhh thank you for asking me 🥰

Fic Author Self Rec!

Tagging @crackinglamb, @monocytogenes, @blarrghe, @melisusthewee and @the-rebel-archivist

I will open with my SUPER RARE PAIR FIC

Love at First Fight

M!Cousland/F!Trevelyan. Rated T. WC 5,962 Summary: 9:25 Dragon. Years before he became the Hero of Ferelden, Aedan Cousland competes in the Tantervale Grand Tourney melee final against a surprising opponent: fierce, sharp-witted, and unmistakably talented Marie Trevelyan of Ostwick. And he can’t help but feel a little bit smitten when she clobbers him. Lucky for him, there's a banquet afterward.

This is an OC exchange fic I wrote for Windwalker57. Aedan Cousland and Marie Trevelyan are both his OCs! It's a charming tidbit of backstory that I had a blast expanding on. It's full of flirting and banter and tournament fighting (and tavern brawling) that I researched to death. Guest appearances by Nathaniel Howe and Thom Rainier!

Rumors

M!Hawke/F!Trevelyan. Rated T. WC 2,189

Summary: Returned to Skyhold from Crestwood, Hawke's been dogged the whole way back by rumors about the nature of his relationship with Inquisitor Rose Trevelyan. His old friend Leliana wants to know what his game is.

This is a companion fic to my longfic In the Shattering of Things, but it's one I'm super proud of. It's a delicious peek into the larger I've created, into the POV of my charming, romantic, silly Garrett Hawke who's fallen for my Inquisitor Rose Trevelyan. I loved capturing the dynamic between him and Leliana with all the history between them and this moment where he needs to decide if he's going to settle for the way things are or tell Rose how he feels. It's a favorite of mine!

Unvarnished

Blackwall/F!Trevelyan, Rated E. WC 3,648

Summary: The Herald of Andraste disappears up to the lake for a swim on the hottest day of spring in the Hinterlands. Blackwall supposes he'd better make sure she isn't prey to bandits or demons and finds himself searching the lake for her in a panic.

Clinging undergarments and more proximity than they've ever had sparks an unexpected blaze between them and unleashes parts of Blackwall he thought he'd long buried...

I wrote this fic on a whim when a friend of mine told me there was a shortage of Inquisitor/Blackwall fics 😅 I was not expecting to enjoy writing in Blackwall's POV as much as I did but BOY HOWDY. I did. If you're a Blackwall appreciator, I would humbly recommend it!

Some Kind of Witchcraft

Cullen/F!Trevelyan, Rated E. WC 2,214

Summary: Inquisitor Rose Trevelyan is away clearing rifts along Sulcher's pass but she leaves plenty of reminders behind for Cullen to find while she's gone... and after she returns!

OK, I can't not include some Cullen stuff. This piece is just darling. It captures the really playful dynamic between Cullen and Rose, and honestly playful banter and joyful smut is my bread and butter.

annnnd laaastly my long fic! It's still a WIP, but updated regularly.

In the Shattering of Things

F!Trevelyan/Cullen, F!Trevelyan/M!Hawke, Rated E, WC 417,309

Summary: Lady Rose Trevelyan's idle, aristocratic life blinks out in a haze of irrelevance when the breach destroys the Conclave. She may be soft and coddled when she joins the Inquisition, but there's a fierceness inside her she's yet to fully recognize. Armed with only a few relevant skills and the mark that makes her a legend, she is thrust onto a path delivering hope where it’s long been scorched away and finds comfort in the grumpy, handsome stick in the mud charged with her protection and training. As she stumbles her way across southern Thedas, she begins to realize she's tangled at the center of machinations she barely understands, and she's not alone in that. Enter Hawke.

OK. This has devoured my brain for a year and a half now and I am *still* trucking. hmmm what can I say about it? It's really my exploration of what it's like to find yourself and try to love others when the world is falling apart at the seams-- and it's up to you to hold it all together. It's messy. People behave suboptimally. Love sprouts in unexpected places. My protags: ROSE. MY CHILD. Importantly she's a 'rogue' Inquisitor (she'd lol at the idea that she's a rogue though). She's funny, plucky, doing her best. I think she's extremely relatable. She screws up. She's got a fight instinct that far outstrips her combat capabilities. Her victories are hard earned and often costly. But I think she's a character that my readers love to root for. CULLEN (well. everyone knows Cullen). I just love this man. I write him as a man who was recruited to do one job and then whoopsed his way into a much bigger one and he is OWNING it. But I adore Rose and Cullen both rising to the occasion together. And I love writing him learning how to want things for himself.

HAWKE. My goofy king. He barrels into Skyhold like a wrecking ball. An affable, devilishly charming, romantic one who is eager to help fix the chaos he unwittingly unleashed. He's got such a big brother personality and he's a wonderful mentor and companion for Rose who is really just figuring shit out. Heart of gold with an ocean of pain underneath.

ok and a BONUS one that is unpublished, but I will link my tag for it since there are tons of snippets of it. It's my WIP.

Kiss Me Moonstruck

I'm about 35k deep right now, but it's a matchmaking fic set during Satinalia in DA:2, Act 2 where Leandra Hawke and Alsatia Trevelyan conspire to fix up their children Garrett and Rose who emphatically do not want to be fixed up. It's a romantic comedy romp and I am super proud of it. It's a great fish out of water examination of Kirkwall through Rose (it's in both her POV and Garrett's) and is packed with class commentary. I can't wait to publish it!

[kanene-yaaay]

Focus (Or: The Unfortunate Destiny of Not Running Laps)

(Don't forget to read the warnings, they are v important!)

Kanene's notes: I am here to call out RUOYE!! BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE FIC IS FRUIT OF ITS SMUGNESS WHILE CAPTURING LANG QIANQIU IN THE FOREST. Like for REAL it just stopped, looked at him all :] and then captured him like jhgfdfgh pls stop being so silly it's killing me.

Warnings: This is a tickle fic and is basically an AU based in the idea I had in this post. Long short story with no spoilers: Xie Lian decided to tell the truth sooner to Lang Qianqiu and the boy had time to deal with his feelings and their relationship didn't become too strained, even if they parted ways. Another modification here is that the nameless boy that is always by LQQ side is called Xiao Mengyou, like I've seen he be called in the fandom. Besides that, nothing more! There's brief light bondage (thank u Ruoye) and some feet tickling during lqq's revenge, in case u don't like that. But it's the famous fluff with light angst, tickle fights and lot of silliness. Around 6.500 words.

[~*~]

Lang Quianqui discreetly managed to take in a deep breath, eyes glued on his preceptor, body unconsciously falling into the defensive stance that has been taught to him for years. It was hard to keep himself still. His entire being was thrilling with energy, an adrenaline that had not dissipated since he woke up and realized what day was today. The energy had fed his mind and body constantly as he fell along the main forms and drills they’ve been covering since the start of the day, over and over, each correction of Fang Xin over his posture and handle of sword only serving to make him buzz even more with nerves and the wish to impress him, trying harder and harder to focus until his movements went from stiff and tense to fluid and natural, striving for perfection.

Attentive eyes watched him like a hawk, more staring than normal, looking for something that Lang Qianqiu didn’t know if he was hiding well. It made him grip the handle of his sword more firmly and his movements quicker. The prince didn’t know if it was just his imagination, and the mask didn’t really help in his analyzes, but he could swear that he saw his mentor’s face glimpse into a confused frown as he accidentally kept stammering clumsily through the stances that he had already mastered a few months ago, even being on his best today barely reached the excellency he had every other good day. Still, he continued to strive for perfection.

Training with Fang Xin was… incredible. In the last year exactly, for the first time since he was only a kid receiving his first wooden sword, Lang Quianqui felt excited to go train, never once getting bored during the lectures, never going through his lessons unchallenged, each and every teaching pushing him to through his limits in a way that left him thoughtful and expectant to expand them even further, see how far he could get. His Guoshi had a different method of teaching and after his parents saw his improvement after a few months into his classes, together with his clear joy in having them, they gave the adult free reign of his studies, changing his routine as much as he needed, as long as it didn’t harm his other responsibilities. They supported them with materials and rooms as necessary and always listened with proud smiles when Lang Quianqui went to ramble to them all they had done and accomplished that day.

Fang Xin valued both the training of his mind and body, much to Lang Quianqui chagrin, especially as he kept dishing out writing punishments and calligraphy exercises that would leave him grumbling about missing the better days with old teachers who would simply have him running laps for slipping into quick naps during their lessons. Usually such commentaries only resulted in more writing and longer punishments, when Fang Xin listened to it. In the end, it was fine. After the initial glooming and pouting, he got to realize how the books that he had to copy always proved to be interesting, challenging his mind with stories and theories he hadn’t thought about before and giving him even more ideas to share with his teacher later, who always listened to him carefully, - even with an ever-lasting air of satisfaction that brought a smug glint in his eyes and a pleased hum in his words - no matter how long he spent in his musings, prodding him with questions and small lectures until he arrived to conclusions that would make the adult nod in a hidden pride, or at least, he hoped so.  

It was no surprise to him to find excitement and anticipation in his mind for each class,  wondering what would be the main skill trained today. If they would focus in his flexibility and quick thinking to get the upper hand into surprise attacks and uneven grounds (his mother almost had an heart attack when he fell out of the roof and broke her window with an accidental kick) or his ability to coordinate planned attacks with strong strategies that would exploit his opponent’s weakness and entice his own strengths.

For today, as it seems, they were going to stick with spars and practical learning. It was probably good, with how many mistakes he had already made just during the warming up and how distracted he was today, waiting impatiently for the end of the class. Having a close range exercise that would force him to focus unless he wanted to explain to his preceptor why his mind was flying away, a dangerous but not impossible possibility, was very good, especially because he wouldn’t be able to respond his teacher if he asked and Fang Xin would immediately catch his lies or any attempt to stir the topic away and he really, really couldn’t risk to get any punishments today. 

Afterall, Fag Xin Guoshi probably was already extremely displeased with his performance. Even if he was too polite to show. Lang Qianqiu gritted his teeth and embraced himself. 

There will be no more mistakes from now on. He will do his best!

They circled each other for a few seconds before the buzzing energy became stronger than him and Lang Quianqui jumped in his direction, starting the fight. He feinted an attack on the teacher’s right, jumping away from his defense and immediately falling into another attack. Just like the first blow, this one was quickly blocked and the crown prince was pushed to the side, Fang Xin’s blade pressing against his sword with such a strength that Lang Quianqui had no other option but to start backing up before the sword was pushed to his throat, trying to at least stabilize himself.

“Concentrate on your footwork.” Fang Xin chided, his voice even and calm as always, showing no hint of strain. The arm that was not holding his weapon was curled on his back and he didn’t move a single step in his direction. Lang Qianqiu was sure that if he glanced at his forehead, there would be no sweat. He, on the other side, could feel his breath already beginning to speed, arms trembling as he tried to not be overpowered. “There is always going to be someone stronger and taller than you during war and you can’t afford to lose. Don’t try to outstrength them because you won’t. Prioritize your speed and versatility.”

“Right!” Lang Qianqiu agreed, immediately dropping himself to the ground, the preceptor's sword passing with a quick gush of wind just inches from his face as he tried to trip the other, rolling around and quickly jumping to straight himself again when more attacks went in his direction.

Fang Xin pivoted around the same spot as the young prince sprinted and threw himself at him in a mix of misleading attacks that attempted to both pull his attention elsewhere and open his guard. Extra, even if rare, punches and kicks tried to make him lose his balance. It’s been exactly one year, yet Qianqiu hasn't been able to make him move around the arena one bit.

A sudden kick going to his face made the boy yelp and twirl to his left, only to almost get a sword going right to his flank, but blocking it with his blade at the last moment. 

“Focus.” His teacher remarked, starting a series of strikes aiming for his torso. “Pull your sword closer to your body. You’re paying too much attention in protecting your face and not losing your stance that it leaves your entire flank unprotected.” 

As if to prove his own words, his blade quickly aimed to his face, only to be immediately pushed away in a move that wobbled the other’s grip on the handle. Before the prince could explore that, however, Fang Xin speedly twisted and turned his attack back to his sides. Again, Qianqiu almost didn’t manage to rotate his long blade enough to catch it, being pushed away as the sound of metal scraping metal filled the training grounds. “Keep on rolling and jumping, if you must, just do not lose your balance and attention to your surroundings.” 

He striked again and, following his words, the young one threw himself on the ground and rolled away. Panting as he straightened himself, he watched his preceptor, reading his sword.

Before he decided to attack, Lang Qianqiu went first, deciding to just make his moves up as he goes. He jumped and twisted, aiming for the neck. He watched as the adult glided aside with an effortless grace and turned to block the blow, pushing the blades upwards, weakening his grip on the sword at an alarming speed. The thought of using their closeness to kick him away had just crossed his mind when a purple and white blur appeared right by his sides and-

He jumped away with a squeal, his lips being pulled in an unexpected smile, hand running to cover his ribs, skin still tingling.

What was that! 

He turned around, pulling his sword even closer, face red from the embarrassing sound that just escaped from his mouth without his permission. 

Someone had just tickled him! 

Still reeling with the sudden bust of energy and tickly sensation, his eyes immediately stopped at Guoshi, staring at him warily, but being only answered with the same calmness and collectedness that always filled his every action and words.

Maybe was it him who…?

“Do not charge right back in without correcting your mistakes and very much less without a plan.” Fang Xin went back to his initial stance, one hand holding his sword and the other resting calmly on his back. His posture had no flaws, his lips held no grinning smiles and his voice got no playful cadence that betrayed his serious tune. “Remember what I said, use your speed and versatility. Ready?”

…No, it couldn’t be him. The imperial preceptor would never step down to do something as silly and childish as tickling. He probably imagined it? 

Once more, he watched his surroundings with narrowed, attentive eyes. Maybe it was…

There he was.

Behind him, on the other side of the arena, his friend smiled at him. Lang Quianqiu shuddered in alarm. 

Since a couple weeks ago, when Qianqiu had used the other’s distraction to unleash a playful surprise tickle attack on him, Xiao Mengyou had been using his every opportunity to tickle him senseless back, going even further as to wait the end of his last martial class - when he usually laid on the cold ground to get his breath back - to immediately attack him with pokes and wiggling fingers the very moment Fang Xin Guoshi turned his back and pretended to not hear them fooling around, leaving the prince giggling and squirming until he was tired enough to not immediately get him back as revenge. 

(Too lost in their own game, none of them noticed the initial moment, when the adult turned back promptly at the squeal of the prince, ready to defend, only to stop and smile amusedly at the joyful friends in front of him, leaving them be and enjoy their own playfulness. There was a deep melancholy pooling in his eyes in that evening.)

Seeing that the attention was still on him, Mengyou made a walking motion with his fingers on his palm and then a thumbs up. Lang Qianqiu felt his eyes wide and he took a wobbly step backwards.

Did he just… confirm that he was the one who tickled him?

Watching his face, Xiao Mengyou smiled a tiny grin and nodded.

Lang Qianqiu bristled and started to head into his direction with firm steps. Mengyou frowned and tilted his head to the side, in apparent confusion.

“Lang Qianqiu.” The crown prince automatically froze with the clear commanding tune on the other’s voice, posture straight as he turned around to his teacher, suddenly remembering that they weren’t alone in the arena. 

“Your lesson is not over, yet. Focus.” His Guoshi seemed more amused than annoyed, though. Lang Qianqiu internally exhaled in relief. How embarrassing, his mind was really all over the place today. “Let’s start again.”

Nodding, the younger one went back to his stance, eying his opponent before charging straight in. He swore he listened to Fang Xin huff in exasperation, but the sound of blades colliding resonated louder and quickly pulled his attention back to the spar.

This time it took longer before he got distracted and another poke attacked his armpit as he tried to push his teacher’s hand out of his sword’s handle. He squeaked and jumped backwards, quickly scurrying away as Guoshi’s blade followed him without a rest.

And so, the onslaught of brief, equally light and impossible to ignore, tickly touches kept following him.

A prodding on his side and a loud yelp.

Another poke on his belly and a wheezy snort.

A tickle across his entire spine that made him jump and almost lost track of his teacher.

A scribbling on the back of his neck that pulled a couple of giggles out of his throat and sealed that silly, wobbly smile forever in his face.

All through this, he kept his fight. The adrenaline of waiting for another tickle attack and the wish of stop being so childish, giggling and squirming in front of the person he looked up the most, made him the most focused he has been the entire day, falling and rolling and charging blow after blow, fuelled by the bolts of electricity that ran across his meridians every time he saw a blur of white and purple in his peripheral vision and felt titters bouncing in his throat long before the ticklish feeling even touched him, descending in chuckles and huffs of laughter as he managed to escape another playful attack.

He had just managed to run right behind Fang Xin in an attempt for a surprise attack, when he felt something latch on the back of his robes, scurrying across his neck and jumping in between his articles of clothes. There was no escaping from the loud, surprised shriek that ran from his throat the moment he felt the tickles dig in his armpits, making both of his hands lock on the handle of his sword and his arms to clue to his sides, the attempt of protection being too late to stop the soft - so extremely, absurdly soft - sensation that ran up and down his pits, prodding and drumming and pulling hysterical giggle after hysterical giggle from him. His legs stumbled and his shoulders bounced with the energy and need to squirm away, but he kept his stance. 

The tickling traveled to his back, scribbling freely on his ribs and poking incessantly his spine until the young prince gave up from his form and turned around in pursue of his attacker, eyes closed from laughter, trying to push whoever was targeting his shoulderblades with so much wiggling and scratching away. His cheeks were in flames with the way squeaky hiccups began appearing in between his crackles.

He tried to open his eyes to better escape and fight his revenge, but there was already tears blurring his vision and, the moment he felt that soft touch worming its way to his sides, all he could do was sheath his sword and swing it around blindly, ignoring how silly he must been looking (he would never forgive himself if he cut Xiao Mengyou by mistake). 

Strings of “no, no, no, let go!” fell in waterfalls from his mouth, yet they did nothing to stop his sides from being lavished in tiny pinches and a playful spidering. His head was thrown backwards with the force of his laughter as he hugged himself, unsuccessful to himself from being tickled to pieces.

A strong, warm hand was laid on his shoulder and, lost in his laughing fit, Lang Qianqiu almost couldn’t catch when Guoshi said to let him go and the tickling feeling magically disappeared.

The prince couldn’t help the way he wobbled on the same place, tittering snickers and wheezy chuckles still filling the air, and leaned on Fang Xin, his Guoshi rubbing his shoulder while keeping his other arm tightly close to his body. His face had that expression he always carried when he was about to lecture him and leave another writing assignment, but it disappeared as quick as it came when he noticed Lang Qianqiu watching, his eyes instead twinkling with a suave amusement.

The crown prince had just gotten his breath back when his eyes traveled the rest of the arena and he saw his friend just a few steps of them, looking strangely uncomposed with a red hue painting his face. Lang Quianqiu squinted warily as he noticed his gaze and jumped on the same spot, getting closer.

As he opened his mouth to say something, the prince beated him to it, quickly straightening himself and turning around to bow politely at Fang Xin.

“I request a small break, please, Guoshi!”

Also looking a tad restless, but never losing his posture, Fang Xin nodded, getting his sword and walking away, probably to read some poem book as he always did during their moments of rest. Lang Qianqiu paid him no mind and instead swiftly turned back to his friend, who still looked flushed and confused.

“Your Highness, are you alright? I saw-”

His words morphed to a shriek when the crown prince jumped on him, no other word exchanged or mercy in sight as he energetically clawed his belly, chasing his loud squeaks until a high pitched laughter began to fill the entire arena, promptly making Xiao Mengyou immediately try to muffle it all behind his hands.

“Wait! Why!!”

With the flourish of someone who had done this plenty of times before and would continue to do so for plenty times more, Lang Qianqiu simply huffed - half amused and half annoyed - and  turned around, successfully sitting on his legs and trapping him in a very tickly destiny. Mengyou, with the same ease of someone who had been in this situation plenty of times before and knew very well about his future fate, started to squirm and trash much before he felt his shoes being pulled out, pleas falling from his lips like raindrops during the summer.

“You Highness, no! Not my feet, please, please! You know, you know I am the most ticklish there. Your Highness, just leave them alonEHEHE! NOHO!”

Lang Qianqiu did not, in fact, leave them alone. Instead, he dodge a kick - not before leaving a few scribbles on that sole for his trouble - and grabbed his other feet, holding his ankle down in a firm but gentle grip and spidering his fingers from the lowest point of his heel to his toes in a way that he knew it would leave his childhood friend crazy, watching with a smirk as he clamped his hands even harder over his mouth. Still, he was unsuccessful to muffle the uncontrollable crackles and squeals at each tiny scribble that escaped from his lungs. For this he blushed even more, kicks getting more energetic. 

Mengyou tried to roll away and escape, but, since the attack that hit Lang Qianqiu a couple of moments ago had been unrelenting, following his every move and tickling him everywhere, so was his comeback. His blunt nails chased his squirming no matter where, delivering scratches across his entire sole and focusing his pokes and scribbles on the sensitive spots he already knew it tickled the most.

The crown prince huffed with no heat when another strings of pleas and a few protests mingled together with the stray screeches that he managed to fish every time he concentrated his tickling right in the middle of his arch, changing from soft touches, full of circles being drawn slowly on the sensitive skin, to scratching it with no mercy, hysterical giggles and bubbly laughter dancing mingled in the air. Finally, when another squeaky “Your Highness” escaped his friend, Lang Qianqiu declared enough. He turned around fiercely and crossed his arms, staring directly at his friend, who barely watched him back with how much squinting in a big smile his eyes were.

“You were the first one to start it! Even attacking me in front of Fang Xin Guoshi.” Just the reminder of how he completely lost his composure and giggled like a kid in the middle of the fight made his cheeks burn hot. The fact that the other simply kept watching him with gleaming eyes and restless titters also didn’t help. “Don’t you think I am being fair?”

Xiao Mengyou kept snickering and snickering, head turning around in an attempt to hide his silly, disheveled state. Lang Qianqiu almost pouted with how even the most ruthless attack to his most ticklish spot couldn’t make him stop hiding his face.

When more moments flew away with him staring at his friend and the other being lost in a mess of giddy giggles, he reached skillfully behind him for his toes, burying his wiggling fingers right under them and spidering energetically, a joyful smirk appearing easily in his face at how this finally made Mengyou low his arms and sit up, trying to push him off his legs without any real force.

Seemingly as his words finally sank on the other’s mind, Mengyou answered. “You t- attacked me first that day! I was only getting revenge.” A snort flew from his lips and his face got even redder. “It’s been such a long time, too, Your Highness. Why tickle me back now?!” 

Lang Qianqiu was speechless. “Such a long time? That is it!”

He got out of the other’s legs, waiting as he took his breath back.

His childhood friend looked at the crown prince with a mix of surprise and wariness. Lang Qianqiu took the opportunity to turn around and run his gaze across the arena, noticing that Fang Xin Guoshi was nowhere to be seen. Uh. Maybe he got hungry and went to grab a snack? Well, since he still had some business to complete, Lang Qianqiu didn’t care to think too much about it.

His golden eyes glinted with mischief when they turned back to stare at Mengyou, who jolted on the same place and braced himself.

“Let’s have a tickle fight.” Lang Qianqiu copied him, also preparing himself, determination clear in every trace of his expression. Mengyou felt slightly amused with how serious he was taking this. “The first one to surrender wins and the loser can’t get revenge anytime soon.”

Mengyou looked thoughtfully at him and the crown prince was sure that his friend haven’t made his mind, and yet wasted no time in looking for the perfect place to strike, somewhere that would make him boneless and closer to surrender, that would make him forget everything besides how much it tickled and swapped his energy quickly. He found himself doing just the same, eyes locking on his knees before they widened in realization.

“Wait!” He scrambled to take off his own boots. “Now we are even.”

“Your feet aren’t as ticklish as mine, Your Highness.” As it always did, his voice stumbled just the tiniest bit over the word ‘ticklish’, but it still maintained a grumbling tone. Lang Qianqiu held his chin pensitive. “And the imperial preceptor will be back soon, there is no need.”

He was right. 

“My sides are my most ticklish spot.” As he conceded, the crown prince began pulling the string that kept his stash together, robes starting to loose up as well. “That is fine, I will just take off my upper robes.”

“Do not!” In a flash, there were hands pulling his away and quickly tying his stash firmly back. Mengyou’s voice stumbled again, tune equally serious and a tad hysterical. “What are you thinking, Your Highness?! What if Fang Xin Guoshi comes back or your parents decide to oversee your lessons today? How will we explain if they see you in that state? It would be irresponsible of you at least and shameless at worst!” 

Properly admonished, Qianqiu let out an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his head. “I didn’t think about that.” Then he shook himself and focused on the matter at hand, gold, intense eyes watching Xiao Mengyou again. “We must have a fair tickle fight, still. I can’t have it any other way!”

Sigh. “It’s easier to worm my hands on your robes than for you to do the same with my boots during a ti… our fight. I will just put my shoes back.”

Lang Qianqiu gaped at him. “How is that fair? You’re hiding your ticklish spot while you just said it’s easier to get mine!”

“Well, you already got me there!”

“You’re making excuses, you tickle me on my sides all the time!”

“Yes, just like now.”

“Exact- wait, wh-” But before he could finish, Xiao Mengyou was already jumping on him, skilled fingers working their way to his sides and squeezing in a much more energetically determined way than his attack during his lessons, making his muscles lock up in place as squeaking laughter immediately escaped from his lips. Before he could lose all his force to the laughter, the crown prince attacked back, and soon two sets of giggles, squeals and crackling laughter were filling the air.

Until the sighing mentor came and declared the break over, even if there was still a different kind of gleam in his eyes.

The same gleam that stared now right back at him, in the middle of that forest, centuries later, with the former king of Yong’An alone and Fang Xin, no, Xie Lian being accompanied by the very own Ghost King, his friend.

Lang Qianqiu tried to escape the white silk that had so suddenly wrapped itself around him and rendered the younger martial god immobile on the floor. It was futile.

“What is this!” He tried to wiggle and squirm, but the fabric kept a firm, yet non bruising, hold on him. Like this, there was no way he could show his former Guoshi how he had grown his combating skills and how he probably could, if not take him in an equal fight, at least be a worthy opponent. An explosive indignation at the unfairness of Xie Lian’s tactic began flaring on him. “Let me go, this is not fair!”

“You didn’t specify that we should only use swords in our fight. Ruoye is my weapon, afterall.” If Lang Qianqiu had ever doubted that Xie Lian was indeed his old mentor, all of it would be gone now. The scolding, teaching tone was just the same, even after all the time. Although, it felt more tired, now. Older. “Besides, you should always be prepared for your opponent using unhanded tactics and surprise ambushes. If this was a real combat, you'd be dead already.”

Hua Cheng chuckled and for a moment Lang Qianqiu felt a wave of deja-vu wash over him, reminding the younger one about a similar situation when he had been rendered immobile in the past. 

(That is right, Qianqiu realized, with shame beginning to fight against him and prickle his skin, his Guoshi had been there too, hadn’t he?)

After such a true, yet unforgiving point, his lips pressed into a thin line, displeased. It was all just the same and infinitely different from those days when he was a teenager. 

For one, even with everything, Xie Lian seemed much more carefree. It was in the teasing tilt of his smile as he kneeled closer, in the slight slouch of his form, in the way he chatted and displayed emotions that had never been present in his in the imperial preceptor’s face before. Fondness, insecurity and, especially, indecision. Fang Xin Guoshi seemed sure in every step he took. When he lied to him and when decided to tell the truth, when he saved his life (again and again and again) and refused his invitation to a duel right after Lang Qianqiu discovered his identity. His Guoshi had been giant, indestructible, bigger than anything that crossed his way. Sometimes, Qianqiu still saw him that way, in his dreams and nightmares. 

Overlapping the image of his teacher and the kind god that ascended thrice seemed impossible.

Then he remembers him rescuing him in the Ghost City. He remembers being equally saved when he was twelve. He remembers his resolute composure when he confronted him about being his former Guoshi and the warm hand on his shoulder when Xie Lian woke him up after the heavenly conference. The way that he looked at him now. Serious. Admonishing. Somehow still soft. 

Suddenly piercing together those two images wasn’t really difficult at all.

Very different and yet the very same.

“Let us fight seriously this time! Only swords, no other weapons, until one of us surrenders or blood is drawn. Let me go, Guoshi.”

Xie Lian sighed in the same way he did centuries ago, when Lang Qianqiu kept pestering him to teach him said foolish maneuver that saved his life. The young one trashed more energetically in protest. “I told you once, didn’t I? ‘Do not charge right back in without correcting your mistakes and very much less without a plan’. Tell me, how could you have prevented me from winning the fight?”

Immediately his mind blanked with both the nostalgia and surprised feeling that ran through him and the former king stopped trashing, looking at his Guoshi with wide eyes. Xie Lian, then, looked horribly unsure for a moment, but in his next blink that expression was gone and he watched him in expectation, not taking his words back. 

Lang Qianqiu could understand.

There was anger and indignation bristling in his chest. He wasn’t that kid anymore, looking for the approval of his mentor, the person that he looked up to the most, the person that deceived him, who left a young boy, alone, scared, betrayed to rule an entire angered kingdom. 

As soon as the anger came, however, it soon went away, leaving only tiredness and nostalgia behind. Lang Qianqiu didn’t feel as furious as he had been when he discovered the entire truth, a long, long time ago. He wasn’t as single focused on it as he once had been. 

It’s been so many years. So many centuries.

(Sometimes he still felt like that kid.)

As time passed in his silence, Xie Lian looked awkward, perhaps sad, and he recomposed himself, preparing to leave.

As usual, Qianqiu’s mouth moved first than his brain.

“I could’ve dodged Ruoye!”

Xie Lian froze on his way up, searching his face for something. He must have found it, since he went back to his kneeling position and Hua Cheng stopped looking at the younger with something dangerous in his glare. Lang Qianqiu itched to finish their previous fight. Before he could think too much about that, though, his former guoshi’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“It would follow you no matter your move, which was already hindered by your surprise and slow reaction. It’s a spiritual weapon with long range. You’d still lose.”

He wanted to protest the use of ‘losing’ on this occasion, since his victory truly couldn’t hold any honor or weight after using such an improper ambush. However, before he could get a single word in, something white appeared in his vision field.

Lang Qianqiu blinked and turned to Ruoye, who seemed to shake in what seemed like an… attempt to a wave… or maybe it was a threat? The martial god would answer it in kind, even if just for the curiosity of seeing what the apparent sentient weapon would do, but his arms continued to be glued to his torso. 

Something in his face must have answered it, since the silk twirled happily.

And then immediately proceeded to attack his defenseless neck and ears in a soft, light kind of tickle that made shivers run across his spine and his lips turn into a gigantic smile.

An old memory tried to resurface.

“Whahat is this?!” He protested in between his teeth. Tiny, high pitched giggles made his shoulders shake, Qianqiu did his best to both hold them in and try to escape the tickly attack. He scrunched up his shoulders, except this only encouraged the soft weapon to scritch excitedly behind his ears until he turned to hide them, leaving his neck open once more. He tried to shake his head, still the maddening, gentle scratching sensation followed him with no problems, dancing across his skin without a single worry. “Dohon’t! Let me go!”

An amused huff cut his silence. “My, had I known about this, his capture at my kingdom would’ve been much smoother and quicker. Maybe I could even have given a different, more exciting show to my subjects, raise his price a little.”

For a moment Lang Qianqiu imagined it and the scenario was so alarming that he immediately shook his head to expel it, throwing the embarrassing thought away. His giggles suddenly became much more difficult to keep at bay and, were it not for that, he would have some good words to share about Crimson Rain Sought Flower’s clearly childish provocations!

“San Lang, don’t tease.” But Xie Lian’s tune was much more amused than chiding, hiding something in the depths of his words.

Lang Qianqiu turned around to demand he take his weapon away, but, just as he opened his mouth, Rouye decided to run across his spine and unleash an onslaught of unrelenting pokes and prodding on his sides, which made him arch his back and freed laughter to pour in waves from him, hysterical giggles twirling around every squeak and snort and suddenly the memory that had been itching in the back of his mind resurfaced.

The afternoon that Fang Xin Guoshi completed one year teaching him. Xie Lian never shared with the royal family the date of his birthday, so they decided to begin the tradition of celebrating this accomplishment instead. Lang Qianqiu couldn’t stay still during the entire day, excitedly waiting for the end of his lesson, when he would be free to drag the imperial preceptor to his surprise gathering. His focus had been completely impossible to hold and he only managed to get distracted from the commissioned gift he had asked for Xiao Mengyou to bring him when, out of nowhere, during their spar…

He then gasped in realization, turning his gaze at Xie Lian, narrowing eyes glistening in accusation, even if he was still unable to stop his uncontrollable loud laughter, especially as the prodding traveled to his ribs, spidering on them while getting dangerously closer and closer to his armpits, making him involuntarily squirm and snicker even more in anticipation. 

Even so, he obligated his laughing mind to concentrate on his former mentor's silly shiny gaze.

“It was you!” And, as if reading his mind and acting in protest, Ruoye drummed in that awful space where his pits and ribs connected, pulling a high pitched squeal out of his throat together with, of course, more crackles. “And Ruoye! You were the ones tickling me that day, not Mengyou!”

Xie Lian looked to the side with a way too innocent face to be genuine, a tiny, closed lip grin resting in his face, an almost silently amused, bigger smile escaping him. He didn’t say nor deny anything. It was all the confirmation the former king needed.

As he continued to snicker, giggle and squeal, Qianqiu remembered about his “revenge” taken on his actually innocent childhood friend…Xiao Mengyou definitely was going to kill him when he went to apologize that night. He could only hope it was not by the same way that Ruoye had decided to kill him that moment.

(Lang Qianqiu knew it was all a false hope, though.)

Xie Lian’s voice cut his thoughts.

“Now, again. Give me at least three ways you could have avoided this and Ruoye will let you go.”

Qianqiu felt the urge to grumble at this, but he snorted instead, starting to kick and protest when the soft silk gave the underside of his knee a curious poke. 

It was all futile, though, his mentor was known for using different methods of teaching and centuries didn’t change any of that, as it seems. 

Lang Qianqiu could relate, he also had at least one feeling that truly didn’t change after all this time, as well.

He would rather be running laps.

[becauseanders]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

ahhh hi thank you! (finally answering this!) 🖤

It Took the Night to Believe: chapterfic, complete, 100k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. pacific rim au. i am honestly really fucking proud of this fic, like i thought it was great even though it didn't do super well kudos-wise and i did notice that i definitely did lose readers as it went on. i truly have no idea why, this fic is fucking great. it's got angst, it's got comfort, it's got near death experiences, it's got fluff, it's got kaiju—what's not to love??

No Wound as Sharp as the Will of God: chapterfic, complete, 99k. dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. canonverse, post-da2. it took me seven years to post a second chapter of this and a total of eight years to finish it, and the whole time i was writing it after i picked it up again i was so unsure of it, but turns out i really like it. very heavy content, please do mind the tags. takes place while hawke is with the inquisition. anders positive, justice positive. a very intense, very deep, very affectionate friendship between anders and fenris is an extremely important part of the story. like, seriously, the platonic fenders is just as important as the romantic handers. a lot of angst, like so much angst, but the hurt/comfort is real. the b-plot pertains to my theory that justice cures anders of the taint. cole is there. the emotions are high and you can feel them strongly in the writing. again, be careful, but this is a good fic.

A Thing With Feathers Now, Elevate: one shot, 11k. dragon age: origins, alistair/female amell. canonverse, takes place over the course of da:o. this fic is a fucking masterpiece. another that didn't do well numbers-wise but this is easily one of the absolute best things i've ever written and is quite possibly one of the best fics on ao3. i am so fucking proud of this one. the prose, the metaphors, the handling of trauma, the found family—this one deserved way more love than it got. like, i'm serious, this fic is amazing.

It Means Tumult: chapterfic, wip, 349k (yes, you read that right). dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. modern au. okay, obviously i've got to mention this one. i have been working on this fic for eight years and i am very sorry to everyone who saw this go from updating multiple times a week and asking me how the fuck i write so fast to three years without a single update and then i think only one more in the past two years. i'm working on the penultimate chapter, i swear i am, i'm just super stuck right now. this fic is…this fic. i'm not going to lie, i don't really know if this is any longer some of my better writing, but the premise is fucking solid and i have been told more than once that it's clear this is a labor of love and that this is endearing. au where the obvious metaphors are made reality: the circles are psychiatric institutions and being mentally ill is a crime. a lot of angst, but a lot of love. pay no mind to how much better of a character and person aveline is when i write her. i also do admittedly use this fic to deal with my own demons frequently. an andrea gibson poem helped me write one chapter and i later got to tell them about it and they hugged me. this is also very heavily centered on music and has a lengthy soundtrack. please ignore the fact that when i first started writing this i used british english when i typed because i thought it looked better, as i had started doing as a teenager, which tbh i still kind of do but i also realized that's just fucking pretentious to do when you're american, and it was already so long by the time i stopped doing it that there was no way in hell i was going back to editing all of that (as i actually did do with nwasatwog). so that's just the way it is. but yeah, there's a lot of feelings happening here. also the only fic on this list that has an original title instead of song lyrics despite being the one with the most music involved, lol.

Through the Fall and the Feel: chapterfic, wip, 52k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. modern au. this is the one i'm working on most right because that's just where the brainworms are. hawke is a teddy bear doctor and anders goes to see him because instead of a pillow from his mother he has a stuffed cat, and she has seen much better days. this fic has a very wholesome premise but has gone into some pretty heavy angst already and i did not mean for eating disorders to be as important to the story as they have become, so be mindful of that. but this fic has a lot of heart and it's absolutely tanking, so if this piques your interest maybe go give it a look? this is also my second foray into m!handers and i am again having fun writing them. but yeah, i actually like this fic a lot and i do recommend it.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

On Baz and his insecurity

This is gonna be a long word vomit, fellas. 

First of all: this is not at all Simon’s fault and he’s absolutely allowed to be confused and not feel the need to rush in any sort of discovery for anyone’s sake. With that being said: Simon does tend to reach realizations with Baz that you couldn’t pay him to think about on his own for his own sake (because he wants Baz to understand, even when he doesn’t feel the need to understand himself). There’s also this unfortunate but understandable and very human effect where Simon’s lack of processing and understanding of himself (and Simon not saying shit he thinks and feels) feeds Baz’s insecurities. 

You can see that around the word gay. When Simon asks to be boyfriends, he’s not even remotely ready to begin to consider if he’s gay, and you have Baz put his guard up with “nobody cares if you’re gay” – I mean, worse case scenario Simon’s proposal could come across as “want to be boyfriends? I’ll probably terrible though and perhaps no homo” to the guy who spend his entire adolescent thinking the person saying it was happily straight. An (understandable) identity crisis one is not ready for can come across as a dismissal for the (understandably) insecure. To be clear, I don’t think Baz gives half a fuck about how Simon labels himself. Perhaps this comes up in some manner, but when you get to the heart of it, it’s not really about identity. He cares about Simon wanting him. “You can have this, if you want it” he says (or something similar) when he softens. When Simon gets Baz’s guard down. 

This manifests again after they have sex for the first time, when Simon, who usually breaks down, is happy and relaxed, and Baz, who is usually bracing himself for something to go wrong, is freaking out. His very first instinct is to brace himself for Simon not liking it (because of their previous unsuccessful attempts). Then he braces himself for Simon finding it less appealing than sex with a girl – “it’s more messy with guys,” he thinks (or something like that) which is 100% his own insecurity, and it’s very revealing. Honestly, I fully believe you don’t need to go to the author’s social media to realize Simon was neither in love nor sexually attracted to the girl he was with before, we just need to pay attention to what’s in the page (“I think it’s obvious he was never in love with her” or something she said on twitter dot com once, and not to sound like the little bitch I am but... it is obvious. I lose a little bit of my sanity when I see the lack of either romantic or sexual attraction being denied or not picked up on among readers.) I understand mind reading is not among Baz’s many talents, but even if we limit ourselves only to what Baz can hear and perceive, we can still conclude that Baz is wrong as hell for even entertaining the thought that Simon would rather be with a girl. 

I would go as far as to say that Baz has the tools to know Simon isn’t actually interested in women (I know some believe he is, but this is already long and I have posted about it a lot, so I’m just gonna say “nope” and move on). In the ren faire, Baz is the one drawing you a very detailed picture about the boob situation. Nobody notices them more than him. While in boobie-land he watches Simon like a hawk, noticing the attention on him, ready to step in the second it seems like someone might try something (before doing better and more fun things such as flirting through sword fighting). Not gonna elaborate on why Simon’s is not boobie-liker behavior (I did that here) based on his thoughts, but even in Baz’s POV: Simon doesn’t pay any attention to anything that’s not fucking food. His eyes never wander, even when there are boobs almost in his arms or something. There’s also how, while in school, Baz thinking Simon actually wanted his girlfriend is all in the framing of “golden destiny” and not based on actual behaviors or shit (Notice that Baz’s tells Penny “I don’t know anything about relationships” in WS). In CO, Baz’s says Simon is leaving “with the only person he has ever wanted.” We know he only believes this because of the whole golden destiny business, which Simon likely parroted when he was in the shackles of heteronormativity, (and also because one would assume you date someone because you’re into them, yet this is an assumption CO challenges). This also means Baz has observed Simon, he has noticed other girls’ interest in him, and besides the golden shit... Baz noticed that Simon has never shown any interest in any girls (but he hasn’t put that together).  

Baz has a bit of a contradiction going on. He hates such a big part of his identity, yet there’s part of him that’s comfortable in his own skin. In his own head. He dresses for himself – he likes suits – not because he’s actually trying to look hot. He doesn’t really perceive his own hotness. On some level (and to some extend) he does know his insecurities are there. He also knows that he should know better. When he’s freaking out post-sex, he does catch himself immediately like “I don’t know anything about sex with a girl or a boy actually, I’m just saying shit here.” It’s important that Simon turns that moment into one of laughter: while Baz is worrying about Simon not really wanting it, Simon shows him how happy it makes him to be with him like this. 

Baz also has enough tools to know he’s wrong as hell to be jealous about Simon’s past relationship with Agatha – he had his moment to choke on his disbelief (literally) as Simon fought him on the assumption that he was attracted to her (unspoken but still there: Simon also fights the assumption that he wanted to be with her like that: he didn’t!). Simon has told him that he always felt wrong while dating her. That the thing he liked was the lack of processing because she did not awaken a single goddamn thing in him. Baz knows this. He has heard it! So he immediately feels foolish when brings up Agatha after the goat scene (ending with Simon telling him there’s nothing about him he doesn’t want, indicating he has nothing to feel jealous or insecure about without outright saying that; Agatha has her own version of that, finding Niamh irresistible and telling her she doesn’t have shit to feel jealous about without outright saying it) (they are mirrors etc). 

It’s a funny little way in which the books kick your ass, you see: before the 24 hour break-up, while inside of his head, Simon calls himself a Baz-sexual (to communicate how he experiences sexual attraction), that he has never truly wanted anyone before him, thinks he has never loved and will never love anyone like he loves Baz, that he’s the most fuckable person alive or otherwise etc etc. At the same time, Baz wonders, “does Simon actually want me?” He actually doubts it. Makes me unwell, I’ll tell you that much. 

It’s easy to see where Baz’s insecurities come from when you consider he doesn’t have access to Simon’s thoughts because there’s much Simon doesn’t say, even when they start communicating properly. When Simon is thinking that Baz is the love of his life, Baz isn’t even sure if Simon loves him at all. He has never heard it. (IIRC by the time the book ends, Simon still hasn’t told Baz he’s the love of his life. Baz doesn’t know Simon feels that!) That after years of thinking Simon would ride into the sunset heterosexually, he spends an entire year watching Simon pull away from him, breaking down whenever they try to do more than kissing. That, on top of that Simon shows that he has issues with being gay, and being gay in public, which for Baz translates into issues with behaving like boyfriends in public, and/or having issues with wanting Baz. That, on top of all that, Baz thinks his monstrousness makes him less deserving of love and acceptance. 

That’s part of why it’s so notable for Baz, when Simon starts getting so handsy with him in public (the line about how, “for someone who worries about being gay,” he gets off with getting handsy with Baz in public, and then how that’s “probably connected”). Why the “gay at IKEA” date makes so happy. Those moments are, in part, about how Simon showing him that he doesn’t want to hide that he wants him. Simon showing Baz that he has no reservations about wanting him. When Baz tells Simon “it’s fine not to know (what he identifies with)” he means it. It’s really alright with Baz if Simon doesn’t want to label himself. There’s a light-hearted tone in SFC when Baz tells Simon “you’re not even gay” after Simon tells him “we can be as gay as we want in my grandma’s house.” I don’t think it would have mattered much then, if Simon said “no, I’m not,” because at that point their relationship is in a good place. Baz tells you the man is an expert at getting his tie off – there’s no question that Simon wants to be with him. But I do wonder. Simon saying “I am, for all intends and purposes” then it’s all about Simon and how comfortable he has become with being perceived as gay. For Baz, it’s something he can laugh about with no further observation. They’re good. They’re in love, and they’re comfortable with each other. But I do wonder if the casual acknowledgment of their relationship being a gay one, if Simon’s positive reaction or rather, Simon not sinking into any sort of denial or reaction that could potentially feed Baz’s negative emotional state and bring back old insecurities provided the kind of comfort he needed at that moment. A moment where he worried about his family invalidating him and his relationship with Simon.  

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

<3 Ooohhh ok hm... honestly i do not post much fic (checked AO3 and only 18), for the amount that i start writing and then leave in various stages of completion in drafts on my computer, oops. Unfortunately at least 1 favorite is in that category, but here we go!

Fallout from the Fade (Dragon Age: Inquisition): Hawke is left in the fade during the events of DAI's Here Lies The Abyss, but manages to fight her way back out. However she's left to recover from the severe side effects and trauma that come along. Ok my confession here is while i have not updated this fic since 2020, i have in fact written more of it. But since i kept going so long (months... and then years...) between chapters I decided it'd be better if i just finish writing the rest myself (at least roughly) so i know how much more there is to go and can update it on a more regular schedule in the future when i start posting again. Alas i am very slow at this bc of grad school and also bc i get distracted easily and... have less motivation to work on it when not actually getting feedback as i go. So i may change my mind about this approach eventually but it's where the fic stands now.

Like Teeth Against His Heart (Dragon Age: Inquisition): After Solas wakes up from uthenera, he has many conversations with a variety of spirits over the course of DAI. Sometimes they tell him what he wants to hear, and sometimes they don't. I typically like the recent things I've written the most and this is that. It's a prose-poem style that plays with formatting, aka its kind of Weird, and weird is my favorite. I wrote it for a charity zine which also meant i had to have a Final Version rather than endlessly tweak it forever which was irritating at the time but also good for me.

Unposted, No-Finalized-Title fic, with the file jokingly named 'Sam I Am' (Mass Effect: Andromeda): pre-Andromeda and game timeline but from the perspective of your ship's AI, who also lives inside your character's brain, and in the game admits to altering your brain/body, and hello??? the game did NOT let me respond to that to the degree I desired? One of my literary obsessions is the combination of AI (the sci fi kind not... generative art etc) plus human augmentation... what that does to both parties sense of self, their relationships, how they view and function in the world, etc. In the vein of Silently And Very Fast by Cat Valente, Imperial Radch by Ann Lecke, Murderbot by Martha Wells... and I spent soooo much time wishing Andromeda had gone deeper into that angle/thinking about it myself I wrote. Quite a long fic about it. But i only played the game once and there wasn't much fan love/fanworks for it so I never posted it or any other Andromeda stuff I wrote, it was more just for myself. I'd like to go back and finish this fic but I estimate it'd be in the 40-70k word range and i'd need to replay the game to refresh my memory so it's like, a project for when i have a bunch of free time at some point in the future, since it's mostly just for Me.

the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive (Mass Effect trilogy): Snippets of a variety of Garrus' thoughts and memories of Shepard, and a growing realization about the nature of love like theirs. I don't expect anyone to love this one but me, because it's just a self-indulgent thing I wrote specifically to figure out the flavor of grief involved in the relationship between my personal Shepard and Garrus. It's not as poem-formatted as my Solavellan one but the prose leans hard in that direction, and they came from the same place for me. I wrote it after finishing the trilogy because I (unlike a lot of fans, i know) felt very adamant that the correct ending for my Shepard is that she is dead now, and not coming back, and needed to cry some more about that.

like the leaves after a long winter (Dragon Age II): It's the first Christmas/Satinalia since Leandra's death, and Hawke is not in the mood for festivities -- until she realizes that everyone else will be spending it alone and finds herself hosting a party without even meaning to. I'll be honest #5 spot was kind of a toss up between this one, Less A Man Than A Wild Cat, and Grief. But I've decided on this one because 1. it covers my favorite thing to write about aka grief, but is actually written as a story/proper narrative unlike others i've already put on this list. With fanfic the most important thing to me before anything else is self-indulgence. While I love writing for prompts (like this one was!), my specific joy in that is taking an idea from someone else and figuring out how to cram all the things I care about into someone else's plot summary. Fanfic for me is like... it feels weird to call it 'writing exercises' because that implies i don't care about the final project when i very much do. Writing challenges? Maybe? Idk i just really enjoy having limitations to work within. Having NO boundaries is where I do my original content writing, so writing within the bounds of an existing franchise already means there's some limits (like keeping to characterizations, plot, etc) and then adding more on top makes it a fun experience and keeps me engaged.

While these are my top 5, I definitely don't think most of them are what other people would pick as a favorite from my (admittedly very limited) amount of posted writing, Fallout from the Fade being the exception. I think my friends probably like the one where I turned Fenris into a cat best (and that was VERY fun it's just also more lighthearted which i struggle to write sooooo bad), and then every one else is in my inbox about the single Solas x F!Travelyan fic I wrote largely as an experiment in writing sex scenes. sorry to everyone who read that and then tried to read my other fics and discovered its mostly blood and loss and Yearning...

[astridthevalkyrie]

to anyone following me who's waiting for the superior update: i am so sorry it's taking so long. it's not just hard to hyperfixate on levi, it's hard to hyperfixate on anything. even though i have ten million hawks wips i started and a couple l&ds ones too, not even mentioning all the old levi ones, i can't actually think about them enough to write. i have the docs open on my laptop and i just kinda stare at them. if i really force myself to write, it's not going to be good. my best writing always just comes out of me naturally.

superior's at 8k words right now and hasn't been updated in more than a year, and that kills me. it's not abandoned. that story is my baby. law school has honestly been a shitshow for me. my grades are fine, but my depression and anxiety have reached the lowest lows they've ever been even though things in my life have actually improved! i've set boundaries with my parents and my grades are good and i do have friends. but even though i'm trying, i'm in constant burnout. i can never tell whether it's my physical or mental health that's the problem. between the depression anxiety adhd and now autism (i still need further testing but i have passed the initial one so congratulations to me hoorah) i'm literally almost always in a bad mood and exhausted. and then i'm dehydrated, severely anemic, and my upper back has been in constant pain since i was 17. my wrists have hurt on and off since i was 16, which obviously makes typing all the more hard.

and if this sounds like i'm whining...it's because i am. i don't wanna be stuck in this state, depressive or autistic burnout or executive dysfunction or whatever it is. i have a vision of where i could be, what i could do if i could just do it and it just depresses me more. i'm in therapy, i'm trying to be nice to myself, but it's so hard. i hate everything and everyone but i am trying so hard to be kind and understanding and not to upset anyone.

i want to hyperfixate. i want to think about a character 24/7. sure it affects my productivity when it happens, but my productivity is already in the ground. at least that way i would be making myself happy. i can barely maladaptive daydream lately. i used to think of scenarios and stories 24/7 even if i didn't write them. and now it's like. i hate the music i listen to. i hate my room. i have no energy to like characters. i barely have energy to wake up. and the more i dwell on these thoughts, the worse it gets.

but still. i am not abandoning this story. i want to finish it so badly. i've just realized that the problem isn't necessarily "oh there isn't any new aot media." it's just. i'm not doing well. yesterday was a better day and i wrote 2k words of analysis. i still can do it. but it feels like the only way i could really heal is if everyone in my life left me alone for at least a week, maybe a month. and that's obviously not happening. so i'm trying to find tips for people with audhd and seeing what i can do to cope but they're all things that i just don't feel are achievable. and because my self worth is so closely tied to what i can do, the more nothing happens, the more depressed i become.

all this to say superior is not abandoned. i'm trying to get to a better place, and i really hope i can have time for my favorite characters and my little stories. i hope you guys can see it soon.

[sky-fire-forever]

For Anders/Hawke, how about ❛  i miss the way you always made me smile.  ❜ Happy writing!

Thank you so much for the prompt! I feel like this is very similar to other stuff I've written, but I still like it.

My Hawke for this one is Mal, who uses he/him pronouns.

Mal watches Anders from across their makeshift camp. The mage gathers kindling and wood for a fire in preparation for when the sun goes down while Mal sets up their tents — two of them now instead of one to share. 

It's been almost half a year since the destruction of the Kirkwall Chantry and this is the routine they fall into nowadays: with Anders gathering firewood and Mal setting up camp. Often, Mal will hunt while Anders gathers anything edible from whatever forest they've tucked themselves away in. Anders claims to know how to identify the safe from the toxic and Mal's inclined to believe him, even if he trusts him with little else. He’s kept them alive so far. 

They hardly interact anymore. They don't play card games or offer each other shared smiles or even talk, really. They just do their duties while acknowledging each other as little as possible. 

It's only fair, really. After what Anders did — his betrayal — Mal can't be expected to want to just kiss and make up. He can never see Anders the way he once did. He'll never be able to forget the smell of smoke in the air or the horror of the people around them or the red tinge to the sky. It's all seared into his brain like it happened just yesterday rather than months ago. 

Still, Mal misses Anders. 

He misses the way the mage would seek out his warmth even in sleep, always the tactile one even before they officially discussed what they were to each other. He misses the jokes, the heated conversations, the ferocity in Anders’ heart. 

He misses the way Anders always made him smile. How just one joke from him could break through Mal's outer shell like nothing else. 

There's not a lot of smiling anymore. No laughter at all. There's just a lot of silence, a lot of mumbled questions and responses, nothing joyful and boisterous like their days spent in the Hanged Man what feels like a lifetime ago now. 

As the fire roars to life with a flick of Anders’ wrist, Mal realizes that he's gotten so caught up in his own head that he's stopped what he's doing to watch. He quickly turns his head, but not fast enough. 

“Hawke?” There's a glimmer of hope in Anders’ voice and it makes Mal want to run to him and wrap his arms around him, to hold him close and never let go. 

Instead, Mal keeps his head down as he hammers stakes into the dirt. 

Anders sighs. “I miss you,” he says, longing in his voice. “Can we… I don't know. Talk?”

“What is there to say, Anders?” Mal looks up. 

“Something. Anything.” Anders stares into his eyes like if he so much as blinks, Mal will go back to ignoring him. “Yell at me for what I did. Tell me you should have killed me. Anything.”

“Don't,” Mal snaps. “Don't say– just don't.”

He doesn't wish he'd killed Anders when he'd had the chance. He doesn't think he'd have been able to live with himself if he'd slipped that knife between Anders’ ribs and he doesn't like thinking about if he'd done it. It's better to push it all out if his head and move on, it's not like he can change what his choice was anyway. 

“Why didn't you do it?” Anders asks. “Why am I still breathing?”

“I said don't!” Mal growls, rising to his feet and standing over Anders. 

Anders flinches and Mal immediately regrets his aggression. He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, trying to put his words in order.

“I could never kill you, Anders,” he says. “No matter what you've done, I can't– I still–” He groans in frustration at his inability to voice his thoughts. 

Anders peers up at him and the firelight catches his amber eyes and fuck, he's beautiful. He's a monster and a terrorist and he's beautiful. 

“Do you still love me, Hawke?” Anders asks in a quiet voice. 

Mal freezes. “What kind of a question is that?”

“One I'd like to know the answer to. So, please.”

Mal doesn't know how to begin answering such a loaded question. “Yes,” the words tumble from his lips before he can think too hard about how true it is. “Yes, I still love you, but I wish I didn't.”

As soon as the words are out, he knows they're true. He does love Anders; desperately loves him more than he can possibly put into words. But he wishes he didn't. He wishes he could be strong enough to put Anders behind him, to push him away instead of traveling with him and hiding him along the way. He wishes he didn't still feel such a need to be close to him. 

Anders slowly rises to his feet and reaches out. Mal doesn't stop him like he has so many times in the past few months. When Anders’ hand finds his cheek, Mal nuzzles into it like a dog starved of affection and care, like a child yearning for the attention of someone safe. He closes his eyes when he realizes that there are tears threatening to spill over. 

“I'm sorry,” Anders says, his words choked. “I'm so sorry.”

Mal shuts him up by wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a crushing hug. He grips him tighter than he ever has before, burying his face in his neck and breathing him in. 

“I love you,” Mal chokes out. “I love you.”

Anders clings back to him just as fiercely and they stay like that for a long, long time.

[shivunin]

Maybe 13. group hugs for Maria and whoever fits? c:

Yay, thank you, Laya! This got away from me a bit, but here it is c:

(Hug Prompts)

Low Tide

(Maria Hawke/Fenris & friends | 1,637 Words | No warnings)

Hawke and Fenris rode with Isabela for months after the destruction in Kirkwall. 

Not everybody stayed that long. Carver disembarked almost at once at the closest little fishing village with a harbor deep enough for Bela’s ship to dock at—there being some trouble with the ship’s rowboat which Hawke did not fully understand. 

The two of them walked down the gangplank together and stopped just past it. They embraced on the stretch of the docks just past the gangplank. When he leaned down to hug her, Hawke abruptly realized how tall her brother had gotten and the knowledge wedged itself tightly in her throat.

“Don’t do anything stupid, M,” he said gruffly. His grip loosened around her back, but Hawke wasn’t ready to let go yet. 

“I don’t know how to do anything else,” she told him, her voice equally strained. “Surely you know that by now.”

Carver huffed and grasped her shoulders, setting her a few inches away. He studied her face, eyes narrowed, for several minutes. Maria allowed this inspection, for she knew she’d looked better. Sleepless nights and grief had worn away at her, leaving her with chapped lips, a reddened nose, and deep circles under her eyes. She was certain that it would be some days yet before she cared more about how she looked than what she’d done.

“Alright,” Carver said at last. “Go ahead and do something stupid. Pointy over there will pull you out of the fire, just like always. Yeah?” 

Maria glanced over her shoulder at Fenris, who stood at the handrail on the deck with arms crossed. He was watching them, his forehead creased, and he nodded to her when she met his eyes. The others had made themselves scarce.

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, turning back to Carver. “If I have your permission…”

Carver snorted, then laughed, wrapping her in a too-tight hug again. His Warden armor was sturdy, cool with the sea breeze, and Hawke pressed her cheek against it unless her cheekbone protested the treatment. 

“I’ll write,” she told him when he finally let go. Carver grimaced. 

“Yeah,” he said grimly. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Hawke was still laughing when he disappeared around the corner. 

She waited until she was in the cabin alone again to cry over it, hands pressed to her eyes and mouth to keep all the sound in. Fenris found her anyway (he always found her), slipping in on near-silent feet and shutting the door behind him. 

“He will be fine.”

Fenris sat beside her on the wooden floor, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to him. Maria leaned against him, letting his touch soothe her until the words came more easily. 

“I know,” she said at last. “But…”

Fenris waited patiently, his cheek pressed to the top of her head. After a moment, he pressed a kiss there and dipped his head, looking at her. 

“He came back before,” Fenris said. 

Hawke turned her head and kissed him. It was, as many kisses had been these past days, salty and damp. Fenris did not complain. He squeezed her more tightly and rested his forehead against hers instead. 

“Aren’t you tired of this yet?” she asked him at last, reaching up to clear the tears from her cheeks. 

“No.” 

Hawke huffed and sat up, pulling her shirt from her trousers when her hand proved an ineffective instrument at drying tears. 

“I am not like this,” she said firmly. “I’m…I’ll be back to normal soon.”

For a moment, Fenris said nothing. His arm was warm over her shoulders. Thankfully, he’d left his gauntlets off these past days, so when he touched her hair it did not snag in the metal. 

“If you are not,” he said at last, “I will still be here.” 

“Oh,” Maria said, and started crying again. 

The door swung open quietly, but Hawke knew who’d stepped inside at once. Only two of her friends walked around shoeless, after all, and one of them was already holding her. 

“Oh, dear,” Merrill said, settling onto the floor at her other side. “It is very hard, isn’t it? Saying goodbye, I mean.”

Fenris stiffened slightly, but Hawke ignored this and reached for Merrill anyway. Merrill tucked herself obligingly against Hawke’s side and sighed. 

“It does seem like it’s all changing, doesn’t it?” she asked. “Things won’t go back to the way they were, will they, Hawke?” 

“No,” Hawke said after a moment, sniffling. “No, I can’t imagine they will.”

They rested like that for a moment, Fenris with an arm around her shoulder, Merrill with her cheek pressed to Hawke’s shoulder, their elbows linked together. 

“Ah, there you are,” Sebastian said at the door. 

Hawke lifted her cheek from Merrill’s head and looked at him. Her eyes were still blurry with tears, but she could see the concern on his face easily enough. She drew her legs up and crossed them to give him room, for the cabin was not exceptionally big, and Sebastian knelt just inside the doorway and offered an arm. She had only to lean forward and he embraced her, too, patting her back gently. For a time, all three of them held her and everything felt…well. Not better—things were bad enough that simple comfort could not fix it all—but certainly more manageable. As if their hands had lifted some of the weight from her shoulders, if only for a time.

“What can I do?” Sebastian asked. Hawke half-laughed, drawing back, and smiled at him. 

“You know, I’ve no idea,” she told him. “I wish that I knew. I feel rather ridiculous sitting on the floor like this.”

“Maybe you should stand, then,” he said. Fenris snorted beside her, but Merrill squeezed her arm. 

“Would that help?” she wondered aloud. “It does seem a bit close down here.” 

“Here,” Sebastian stood and offered her his hand. Hawke took it and let him pull until her feet were under her. 

When she stood, she could at least pretend she was dusting herself off while she gathered her resolve. 

“Did you need me for something?” she asked, but Sebastian shook his head. 

“No,” he said, “I knew it would be hard to say goodbye. I wanted to make sure you weren’t alone.”

“It is,” she agreed, but her throat didn’t feel quite as choked now. She turned and offered a hand to Merrill, who barely pulled on it when she unfolded her legs and stood. Fenris, who was already standing, set a hand on Hawke’s shoulder. 

“Isabela says that we’ll be eating on the deck once they weigh anchor,” Merrill said, “she wanted me to tell you. A feast, she said, but I think it’s just the same as yesterday.”

“Oh!” Maria said. She squeezed Merrill’s hand and smiled at Sebastian. “I will see you both there, then. I need to wash my face, I fear, or they’ll think I’ve gone and dunked myself in the briny depths.”

Merrill smiled, but rested her free hand on Hawke’s cheek before she went. Sebastian nodded to her and left, too, his boots louder on the wood than Merrill’s feet. She knew she’d fooled neither of them; both of them were too canny to think she’d recovered so quickly. That was alright. They were her friends because they knew her and knew when she needed space. 

And Fenris was hers because he knew better than to leave. 

“What do you need?” he asked when the door closed behind them. “Really?” 

Hawke sighed and gazed up into his eyes, her lower lip trembling. Fenris arched a brow, but he let her take his hand when she reached for it.

“I’m holding it right now,” she said. 

Fenris sighed. 

“Hawke,” he said. 

“Hawke,” she echoed, deepening her voice. When he rolled his eyes, she laughed and leaned up to kiss his cheek. 

“I have good friends. You still allow me to make horrible jokes. As long as I can tease you, I suppose I can make do.” 

Fenris caught her waist when she would have stepped back. She tipped her chin up and let him look at her. 

“Tease me, then,” he said, letting go of her. “I have borne it for this long. So long as you are not trying to suffer in silence.”

“Fenris,” Hawke said, stepping away to pour water in the washbasin. “When have I ever suffered in silence?” 

Fenris leaned a hip against the wall by the door and looked at her pointedly. 

“Well—alright,” she allowed, and leaned down to splash her face. “Fair enough. That is exactly what I was doing when you came in. My point stands.”

“As does mine.”  

Hawke dried her face, feeling marginally better, and stopped before him. 

These past days had taken a toll on all of them, but Fenris had weathered it best. She supposed he had been through a catastrophic life change like this before—and at least their flight from Kirkwall was not attended by hunters baying for his flesh and blood now. When she had asked last night, he’d simply told her to go to sleep. 

“Are you alright?” she asked. Fenris took her hand and drew her closer, holding her more tightly than he’d been able to manage on the floor. 

“I have seen worse,” he told her, as if he’d heard her thoughts. “I have left very little behind. You are here. Your hound is here. Our…friends are here as well.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I know,” he paused, and his sigh ruffled his hair a moment before he pressed a kiss to her head again. “I am well enough. I will…tell you if there is more.”

“And I will do the same,” she said, and closed her eyes. 

They stood like that, wrapped around each other, until someone finally rang the bell for dinner.