#and that’s definitely something i can now relate to on a personal level

[blindmagdalena]

Related to the last ask about Gilded Cage, and reader finding out about Billy/what happened to Becca. How would you go about reader finding out Homelander is a rapist? Not just in that verse, but in any fic?

The only time I've seen this play out is a Homelight fic where Annie knows about what happened to Becca. But she sort of "forgives" Homie or rather choses to ignore it, because she also finds out that (in that particular story, not in canon, obviously) he was repeatedly sexually assaulted as a kid. So, she doesn't justify it, but sort of understands why he did it.

Besides that, I can't think of any story where Homie's s/o found out about what he did. Do you think it would be the end of the relationship? Would reader gaslight herself into thinking it wasn't really rape, as many women (sadly) do? I would love to hear your thoughts about it!

it's a tough topic and i don't begrudge people who choose not to address it. it's also honestly just kind of a difficult thing to work in unless homelander himself freely admits to it (won't happen) or someone like butcher tells them.

there's also a lot of dub/noncon fics where it's just. kind of a moot point. if the relationship evolves from that in the first place, they can't really "find out" that he's a rapist. they've got firsthand experience. and yeah, in that case there usually is a ton of gaslighting and rationalizing going on. this is kind of what's going on in Gilded Cage right now where feelings are developing despite the fact he's keeping her against her will, and she still doesn't know if he's done something like this (or worse) before. which... we know he has.

but i do have lots of fics where the reader has no idea the extent of his damage and what he's done, and they would be properly horrified. Guilty Pleasures is a good example of a fic where i believe this revelation would end the relationship for SURE. she would not be able to reconcile that.

honestly you could take any one of my lighter/consensual fics and follow them up with the events of The Breakup / You Let Me Complicate You, which could just as easily have been about finding out that he's a rapist. it turns into a situation where the reader wants out, and he's simply not going to let them go.

the level of consent in Say It is also extremely questionable. basically noncon early on. would the reader here be shocked to learn he's done this to someone else? no. and she's already pretty well given into his corruption by this point.

whereas the reader in Don't Fret Precious (I'm Here) is a total loon, and would very readily excuse his actions. might actually be jealous because she's just. my ultimate yandere homelander simp. but she's definitely an outlier lol

ultimately it depends on the type of story you want to tell, and what kind of person you're writing against him. it's up to the author if that particular s/o believes the information at all, or if they let themselves believe that it's a terrible lie, and that their hero would never do that. or... maybe it makes perfect, horrible sense to them, and they either can or can't live with that.

i do think it's an interesting (albeit brutal) topic and one i'm open to exploring in the future! i can see myself going down any number of these potential avenues, depending on the vibe/character personality i'm working with.

[arttheclown]

me sitting here at midnight thinking about Why this goofy show has become important to me again & why i’ve latched onto it again so hard Right Now but not wanting to get too vulnerable 🤐

i should be in bed but what if i wrote a multi-chaptered fic for my really niche interest. i absolutely shouldn’t because i have too many WIPs sitting around as it is and i’m terrible at finishing things but what if.

[narcjsistx]

𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐇𝐂𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 | reo, isagi, kaiser (part one)

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!

— reo mikage

✶ don't even remotely expect to lift a finger in his presence. the princess treatment in his relationships is MANDATORY, he simply loves to do the things that the people he loves want. it would be something like "I know you can do it, but I'm your boyfriend, so let me do it for you"

✶ I think one of the things he loves most about his partners is when they are dressed in shades of purple or maaaybe white, in clothes given by him. do you want to bring him to his knees? do as I tell you, trust me!

✶ kind of guy who would post you everywhere, like: his ig profile feed is made up of 80% of posts with you or dedicated to you, the remaining 20% ​​are photos relating to soccer. he loves to show you off, and above all he does all those trends (even the cringe ones) like posting your girlfriend with a certain song on a certain day

what would he post on socials ↓

✶ his concept of family is quite normal, sooner or later he would like to have a family, actually, the idea of ​​getting married has never displeased him. as a child, being the only heir of the Mikage, he had to bear all the expectations alone... therefore, his idea would be to at least have two children, not that he wants to share the expectations between them! simply as a child he suffered a lot from being the only child

✶ jealosy level: 4/10 (he's not the jealous type! he might only be more so in cases where he sees someone trying with you EXTREMELY too hard)

✶ flirtiness level: 6/10

✶ pet names: "babe" / "precious"

—————————————

— isagi yoichi

✶ even though on the field he seems to have bipolar disorder, isagi is literally one of the most possibily boyfriend in the entire verse in my opinion. he's just a chill guy who takes soccer a little too seriously, but hey, you love him for that reason right? yeah, absolutely yes

✶ he's someone who would be embarrassed by a kiss even after years and years of being in a relationship. at the beginning of your story, he had to take a lot of his courage just to ask you if he could hold your hand, but over time he got used to it. with kisses, well... he still gets embarrassed, even though he's often the one who initiates them. he's just a sweet coward in this things

✶ he is someone who, in my mind, cares a lot about gifts related to the phases of the relationship, such as those for the first month together, the six months and so on. not huge gifts, he keeps those more for more important dates, but gifts like letters, stuffed animals or bracelets found at random moments of the day and which immediately reminded him of you for some reason that only he knows

what would he post on socials ↓

✶ his concept of family is actually based a lot on what he had. he doesn't exactly have a preference on the number of children, one or five would be fine, he just knows that he will love them no matter what. getting married has never been a thought he's actually spent 5 minutes thinking about every now and then, but now with you he's pretty sure that asking you to spend your life with him is a great excuse to see you in the white dress

✶ jealosy level: 2/10

✶ flirtiness level: 3/10 (more in private, but absolutely not in public, he just can't do it)

✶ pet names: "cutie" / "y/n chan"

—————————————

— micheal kaiser

✶ your relationship is certainly interesting, maybe not one of the healthiest, but you can't say you don't care for each other. Kaiser definitely has some problems related to trusting or in any case "letting himself be discovered" by other people, but surely you are the closest person to him at the moment, hell, you are literally the emperor's girlfriend!. micheal knows very well that he is not a simple person and just the fact that you continue to not let him go, and he wouldn't blame you, means a lot. will he ever admit it? no, obviously not, because he also has a problem, or perhaps more than one, with expressing himself

✶ Ness, one way or another, will have to worship you too. Ness probably just wants to strangle you because you stole the little attention Kaiser gave him, but if Kaiser says he has to worship you like he would him, Ness will do it without a word. Kaiser doesn't even minimally accept someone saying anything remotely comparable to an insult to you, let's say his love language is to protect your respect. he wouldn't mind throwing a punch at someone who even called you "stupid", it's something he can't stand

✶ even if you are not cheering for him at the stadium when he plays, which is quite strange because you are there all the time, you already know beforehand that if he scores a goal, it will obviously be dedicated to you. it's something he always found beautiful when he was little, when he saw videos on public screens in Berlin: seeing then-famous footballers dedicate goals to their girlfriends seemed so exciting. he's the emperor now, right? he must repay his empress somehow for always being so good to him

what would he post on socials ↓

✶ well, we all know that Micheal didn't grow up with any concept of family, or rather, he never actually had one. having children actually scares him, and the same thing happens even if he just thinks about getting married. he is simply afraid, and indeed he is sure, that sooner or later everything would turn into what he experienced in Germany with his father. it would take a LOT of reassurance, and maybe therapy, to eventually have children and get married. he actually wouldn't be a bad father, because he knows what it's like to live in a toxic house with someone who doesn't really love you, and he doesn't want his heir to go through the same thing he went through when was a kid. Kaiser is not like his father, and never will be, and just the thought of being like this with his kids makes him vomit

✶ jealosy level: 8/10

✶ flirtiness level: 9/10

✶ pet names: "schatz" / "mein liebling" / "doll"

[bellestarot]

Pick a Pile

What's Next in Life?💐

♡ Take your time to choose

︵‿︵‿︵ʚĭɞ‿︵‿︵‿

Pile I

You're about to level up emotionally. I see you moving from getting hurt easily to someone who can handle emotions in a better way. Maybe it was hard for you in the past, but I see some major emotional glow-ups happening.

You're also going to get braver. Life's going to throw some challenges your way that'll help you grow.

Your adventurous side is coming out to play. You'll be at peace exploring and discovering more about yourself. I see you traveling and visiting new places, but you're doing it for yourself, not for anyone else.

You'll be surrounded by awesome people. True and genuine friendships are on their way to you in the next chapter of your life. If you had trouble with friends before, that’s about to change. Great people are coming, and the universe has your back.

You’ve been through a lot, but now you can finally trust in the situation and these new friends. I see so much happiness coming your way!

Pile II

I see success and happiness in something you’ve put a lot of work and effort into for a long time. This could be related to academics, work, or something personal. You’ve worked really hard, staying up late, feeling anxious and tired, but you kept pushing through. There were many moments when you thought about giving up, but you didn’t. Now, I see a lot of abundance coming your way in the next chapters of your life.

People will be congratulating you and happy for you because you achieved what you wanted.

I also see some family issues. This won't apply to everyone who chose Pile 2, but some of you might relate to what I’m saying. Maybe some of you have issues with your mom or a strong female figure in the family.

There might be problems related to money or how money is used in the family, causing feelings of sadness. These are more emotional issues rather than health-related ones.

I see some disappointment with the family in certain areas. However, any conflict you might have with a female figure in the family will get resolved. Having this kind of relationship can hurt a lot, but I see it ending and getting better. So, for some of you, this might be a message of support and positivity regarding a connection that's not going well right now, and I can say it will definitely improve in the next chapters.

Pile III

I see you getting savvier about other people. In the past, you might have been too nice, always wanting to help others, but when you needed help, no one was there for you. I see you starting to notice this around you and saying, "No, I don’t want that for myself." You’re becoming smarter about what you share with others and what you post online.

You’ll start realizing that everything is energy and that sometimes people don’t have good vibes or thoughts for you. This will lead you to protect your energy more.

You’re going to become very spiritual. (You’re already spiritual since you’re reading tarot), but I see you diving even deeper. You’ll get more interested in this world, studying more, listening to others, and connecting more with nature.

This will bring you closer to your truth and who you are, and I see that’s what you’re looking for—getting to know yourself better, discovering more about you, praying, and protecting yourself. I see you becoming a very spiritual person in the next chapters of your life.

You used to listen more than you spoke, but now I see you speaking up, sharing your opinions. There might have been some hesitation, wondering if people will like what you say or if it makes sense. But I see you finding the courage to express yourself and your thoughts. You’re super smart and interested in things that others might not be paying attention to.

I see you getting into these topics and being able to talk about them in an engaging and well-expressed way.

[tiredmamaissy]

Ralak te Sepawn ieyk’itan: Special Episode VI 

Labor of Love - Part III

Masterlist ; Rut/Heat/Knotting Info

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Hyperlinks are attached to specific paragraphs that when clicked on will lead you to its illustration by Ralak's insanely talented creator @zestys-stuff. Thank you so much for allowing me to play around with your characters!

Characters: Metkayina!Ralak (25) x Sully!Omaticaya!Reader (20) featuring Metkayina!Zu’té (29)

Warnings: zero smut, explicit childbirth, water birth, difficult labour, contractions, amniotic fluid, breastfeeding, family fluff, expletives, this is a bit angsty but there’s a happy ending

Word Count: 7.3k

Requested: Yes || No

Author’s Note: the following depicts a very detailed, difficult, and medically inaccurate birth. This is graphic. I am quite literally going to simulate a birthing experience in your pov and I strongly suggest opting out now if anything pregnancy or birth related could make you uncomfortable. Finally, this is most definitely not medical advice, nor should this be used as a reference for what to expect during birth. This is a fanfiction about blue aliens, after all. With that being said, let’s welcome Ralak into fatherhood!! Enjoy 😊

Synopsis: Things were moving too fast until they weren't moving fast enough. The time has come and you're starting to doubt your capabilities. But thankfully your mate is here to guide you through this.

<- Previous

“Okay, Toto. Just do it. Go in there.” Zu’té sounds breathless as he speaks to himself, turning around to face the door. He hears your whimper and his jaw tightens. “Shit. Okay. Right.” Just as he raises his hand to pull back the curtain, he hears a winded voice.  “Brother.”

Zu’té spins around to face the voice of an angel—Ralak.

“Oh, thank Eywa. Thank you great mother. Thank you.” Zu’té chants in relief despites being one of the least spiritual persons someone can meet. He knew deep down that Eywa answered his call. 

Zu’té makes eye contact with the dishevelled and worn out giant. His attention is immediately drawn to the lengthy gash on his shoulder that seems to have been stitched up in a haste. 

“Ay’ana.” Ralak growls when he sees him staring.

The colour drains from Zu’té ‘s face, but before he can respond, Ralak’s ears perk up when they hear what seems to be a low whimpering. It sounds as if you're straining and struggling to breathe. His eyes dart behind Zu’té and then quickly snap back to his brother, filled with panic. 

Zu’té just barely shakes his head, urging himself to focus on the most important thing right now. 

“Your mate is in labour, tak.”

Ralak’s eyes widen at the confirmation. He knew it. He felt it back inland. 

Without another passing second, Ralak pushes past Zu’té and enters his marui. You hear the faint flap of the door and try to shift yourself in order to keep some level of decency.  

“I said to leave.” You’re breathless, gripping relentlessly onto the wooden stilt.

Ralak’s frozen in place, taking in the sight of you labouring by yourself. One that no matter how painful, is a sight he has always longed to see. A sense of pride fills his chest, his mate is showing such great strength that it’s admirable. Bringing life to his child is something he will eternally be grateful for. 

But then he sees your fingernails. How they've gone dull from all your gripping and scraping, and his sense of pride quickly mixes with shame. Shame that he has left you alone in this. 

Your laboured breathing is audible, practically wheezing as you struggle to breathe through the last lap of this contraction. You keep holding your breath and it’s more than evident from the red tinge in your face. Breathing is no longer the thing that you’re most focused on anymore, it’s the pressure between your legs.

He doesn't want to startle you but he can’t just watch you suffer any longer. He approaches you cautiously, examining you in attempts to discern how far into your labour you are. 

You're glazed in a layer of sweat, glimmering in the faint light of the first sliver of sun. Your shoulders rise and fall rapidly as you pant faster than a viperwolf pup, and your belly is low and firm as it tightens from the contraction. 

Ears laid flat to your skull and brows tightened, you curl over and clutch your stomach. He releases his clenched jaw and lessens the distance between the two of you. He gently places his hands on your lower back, pressing into you with the ball of his palm. 

The warmth alone provides a bit of relief for you, allowing you to momentarily catch your breath.

“Zu’té.” You hiss under your breath, surprised he’s even come in, much less laid a hand on you.

You let go of the marui stilt to swat away his hand with a loud smack. The reminder of you labouring in the presence of another man that isn’t him makes him wince. 

“Muntxate [wife].” Ralak husks quietly, using his thumbs to rub circles into your back. Your ears lift from your skull and perk up when you realise it’s your mate, back home from the excursion.

Tears overflow and spill down your cheeks. Tears of pain. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of relief. 

“Ralak.” You let out a nasally sob, unable to look at him just yet due to the contraction still rippling through you. You speak between your moans, voice cracking.

“You’re back. You’re here. It’s happening, lak. He’s coming. And I—I thought you’d miss it. I thought you weren’t coming back. I thought… I thought—”

“Alright, alright. I am right here with you, tanhì. Mawey, mawey [calm, calm].” He hums steadily, already reaching behind him for his kuru. “How long have you been in labour?”

“D-Don’t know.” Your breath catches in your throat and your knees begin to tremble. “Too l-long.” 

Ralak’s heart throbs in his chest at the thought of you enduring this on your own for that long. The contraction is finally subsiding, and you're eager to find relief in your mate. You exhale shakily and grip his wrist as you try to straighten your spine. 

“Easy.” Ralak is quick to help you to your feet, holding you by your hip and arm. “Can you stand?”

You nod your head as you slump back into him regardless. “It’s happening, ‘lak.” You wheeze, resting your head on his chest. Despite the slight sting, Ralak smiles, joyful to know his son will soon be born. 

“It is, my tanhì.” Ralak hums, swaying side to side with you against his body as he brings his glowing tendrils towards the end of your braid. He’s spent but he knows the exhaustion he feels is nothing in comparison to yours. “I am so sorry I have left you alone in this.” 

“‘ts not your fault, my love.” You murmur, lulling your head against his chest. “...not your fault.”

Though your contraction has passed, the pressure in your pelvis has a steady, constant groan vibrating in your throat. It’s a feeling that won’t let up, and the further you progress the more intense it gets. It feels like your body’s at its limit, unable to accommodate your babe any longer. 

“Mmmn—tsaheylu, please.” Your plea is drawn out and low, unaware that he’s already one step ahead of you. 

When he makes the bond, the pressure is instantly lightened but is quickly replaced with a sharp pain in your shoulder and back. He sucks in a sharp breath and grimaces from the sudden pain and pressure that flows into him.

You gasp and clutch your left shoulder, whipping your head around to look behind you. Immediately, you catch sight of his wound. 

Fresh blood spurts out between the ragged stitches and globbed over herbal concoction, dribbling down his chest and back in thin streams. 

“Shit.” You curse, ripping your queue away from him, abruptly severing the bond—causing the pressure to come back tenfold. “Fuck—you’re injured.” 

“I am fine.” Ralak insists, reaching for your kuru again.

“Tsaheylu will infect it.” You insist, keeping your kuru away from him. 

“Ke tare [it doesn’t matter].” He says sharply, catching his tone and softening it. “Allow me, please.” 

Ralak reaches for your kuru again, eager to make it up to you—to take the pain for whatever time you have left. But you shake your head firmly. 

The fact that making tsaheylu caused it to rupture and bleed, a gash that size will surely worsen with the influence of your labour. Ralak respects your wish, although he’s in disagreement with it. He’d never make the bond without your consent and he feels as if he’s already missed too much of your labour to continue the argument. 

“…what happened?” You ask shakily, terrified to know the answer. “Wh-What did they do to you?” You feel yourself begin to tear up.

Seeing him so hurt always made your heart heavy. 

Your question catches him off guard, bringing him back to the moment he saw his own karyu. He swallows, having trouble keeping his calm and figuring out what to say. He has no intention of keeping it from you, but truthfully it isn’t the right time to speak of such matters. Not when you’re nearing the peak of the birth of your firstborn.

“Not now. You are labouring.” Ralak says sternly yet gently, reshifting his focus and concern back to you. 

And if it weren’t for the unbearable heavy sensation in between your legs you would’ve protested. You nod lazily as your breath hitches repeatedly, your hand finding its way to the lowest part of your abdomen to press into it. Your lengthy groans start up again, you can feel your entire body begin to tense up.

“Another? So soon?” Ralak’s voice falters, concern now evident in his tone. He steadies himself behind you, pressing his hands into your lower back once more. 

“Pressure. ‘ts too much.” You pant, leaning forward and using your free hand on the marui stilt for support. 

“Pressure?” Ralak tries his best to understand what you mean. Thinking that he’s pressing too hard into your back, he eases up and apologises. You shake your head and quickly replace your hand onto the lowest part of your abdomen with his. 

“Pressure!” You yelp the word like a plea for help, hoping he’ll get it without you needing to explain. Talking is becoming more difficult with each passing contraction. When he does finally understand, his eyes widen and brow bones jump. 

“Ah—he is moving down, tanhì.” Ralak tries to speak calmly, sliding his other hand over your stomach. His fingers smooth over your skin, taking in its heat and supple texture. He then feels it tighten even more, contracting right under the pads of his digits.

“Tewti [whoa].” 

It’s the first he’s ever felt a contraction, despite being a mandated witness to numerous first breath rituals in the clan. He begins counting under his breath, trying to gauge your progression by determining how long they’re lasting. But before he can get into the double digits your low grumble turns into a high pitched cry. 

Ralaks ears immediately go flat, hearing a cry like that rip from your throat makes his heart tighten in his chest. He shuffles closer to you upon realising that you're curling over from the pain. Moving quickly, he supports your body weight with one hand to your belly and another over your chest. 

“Ralak!” You cry out, “Please! Do something!”

With that, Ralak’s hands slip back down to your lower abdomen, cupping your belly and gently pull upward. This always helped if the baby was sitting too low, relieving some of the heaviness and pressure on your bladder.

Instantaneously, the pressure relieves. Your cry dissipates into a loud sigh, your downturned lips flipping up into a small smile of relief. 

“Thank you—” Pop. “—ugh” Gush. 

You’re silent, but your face screws into a grimace as the pain rushes back in with a vengeance. You look down in a painful daze, feeling the trickle of liquid down your thighs and legs. Through blurred vision, you watch as a pool forms at your feet, as well as Ralaks. 

“Shit.” Ralak mutters under his breath, recognizing what’s just happened. 

His head whips around to the sound of the flap of the marui door. He looks behind him, met with the panicked, bulging eyes of Zu’té, who’s staring intently at the scene unfolding before him. He's just worked up enough courage to enter the room.

Zu’té finally makes eye contact with Ralak, and Ralak nudges his chin in the direction of the village, mouthing—‘Get a healer’. Zu’té nods and takes off at full tilt. 

“…fuck‘m sorry. My waters...” You mumble, fingers digging into his arms in attempts to keep you standing, to no avail. 

Your knees buckle beneath you, and you lose all ability to keep yourself on your feet. Ralak supports you, moving down with you rather than trying to keep you standing. He slowly and gently lowers you to the floor, away from the growing puddle. 

“What for? Your water breaking? No need to be.” Ralak chuckles breathily, trying to make it obvious that it’s no big deal—he’s unbothered by it.  

“Me-messed you up.” You grunt, breath straining as you lean all your weight back into him. 

“You did no such thing.” He reassures you through a quick breath, adjusting you into a more comfortable position.

You lay on top of him, shifting onto your side and off the sharp throb in your lower back. You clutch his bicep with one hand and keep the other snug under your bump. 

He’s more so in an awkward position than not, his back now against the base of the bed and his right leg propped up to keep you from rolling back. He has no issue staying put in this position if it means some sort of relief for you. 

But your groans only deepen, lengthening and ending with small grunts.

“You alright, mama?” He checks in on you through a whisper, knowing that things move quickly once the water breaks.

You nod your head, trying to be strong, but he can see right through it. And you know it. You sputter out a sob and shake your head, finally admitting the truth—finally facing reality.

“I know, I know, tìyawn. Almost there.”

Even without tsaheylu, he is able to tell how long you have left just based on your sounds and body language. With each little grunt he notices that your face shifts to a brighter shade of pink.

He takes note of your tail, and how it’s now tightly coiled, tucked to the base of your tailbone—out the way. Your shoulders are bowed and your stomach sits low, hard as a rock. 

“Oh!—Eywa, ple-ase.” You mumble a plea, eyes squeezing shut when you come to the height of your contraction. “Mmm’fuck—fuck.” 

“A little longer.” He places a firm, comforting kiss on the temple of your head. “It will soon be over.” 

You feel Ralak’s hand firmly patting your lower back, attempting to put the fire out. But now the pressure’s released, the pain is only more intense—spreading and morphing into a new feeling altogether. 

“Ralak—Ralak!” You panic, your head rolling side to side as you strive against this new sensation. 

“Right here with you.” He hums, pressing hard into your lower back with the ball of his palm. “What do you need?” 

You begin frantically tugging at your soaked loincloth, trying your hardest to get it off of you. Ralak quickly takes over, untethering the knot and slipping it off you.

“Need to—aahaa! I think he’s—haah—he’s—he’s coming!” You yell, unable to fight the new feeling. An urge you’ve never felt before. The urge to push. “Ralak—I’m scared!” 

“Listen to your body.” Your mate encourages you with a steady and calm voice. 

His gaze snaps down to witness your leg rising into the air and your hand hooking under the back of your knee. His hand cups over yours, helping you support the weight of your suspended leg. 

Ralak manoeuvres himself in a way that allows him to support you and see what’s happening. He gently tugs your leg back a little further, having a proper look. He can see just how swollen and tender the flesh between your legs is—ripe and ready. It’s time. 

“Muntxate [wife]. Bear down if you need to.” 

“I—I—urgh!” You cry out, finally giving into the urge to push, allowing your body to bear down in the way it’s been trying to. Holding your breath, you tuck your chin to your chest and sink your fingernails into Ralak’s bicep, pushing as best as you can in this position. 

“Good, good. Good push, tanhì.” His voice is hushed but steady as he watches in awe as your body flourishes. “Syeha si [breathe].”

As the urge subsides, you release your breath and gasp for air a few times. If he’s really coming, you don’t want it to be here. You had both discussed doing this in the comfort of your own lake. The lake in the cave, where your relationship with him had blossomed to begin with. 

“Not here.” You say out of breath, legs shaking terribly.

Ralak leans in closer to you, listening carefully to decipher your murmurs. You keep your eyes closed shut, unable to open them anyway. They feel as heavy as you do, weighed down with exhaustion and agony.

But as you feel your stomach tighten and the urge rush back in, you realise that time lessening. “Water—get me in the water, please!”

Ralak hesitates, scanning your body to see if moving you in this state is the right thing to do. He watches as you tense up in agony as you contract, and quickly the realisation dawns upon him, too. At this rate, the babe will be here at any moment.

And if your wishes are to give birth in the water, now is the time to fulfil them.

Ralak scoops you up into his firm clutch, rises to his feet, and rushes out the door. Taking his time down the steps, your grip around his neck tightens just as a groan rumbles in your chest. Your legs squirm in his grasp as they try to snap open. 

“Hurry! He’s coming!” You grunt, burying your face into the crease of his peck, biting down to fight the feeling. 

Ralak glances down at you a few times, brows gathered from the worry that plagues his heart. He’s holding you tight, so as not to let the wiggle of your body loosen his grip.

“Here.” He huffs out, nearing the entrance of the cave. 

Immediately immersing himself hip-deep into the water, he moves hastily, submerging you as he makes his way over to the ledge and helps you into position.

The ledge makes a smaller, more shallow pool in the lake, perfect for you to sit in with your back supported by the bank. 

Water is up to your chest, slushing and splashing against your neck as you desperately readjust yourself to get comfortable. Your head is perched on the bank of the lake, hands spread across to hold onto the rocky surface. Your toes grip the floor, rooting yourself to the ground to keep you stable, knees bobbing at the water's surface. 

“Fuck! Ralak!” You cry out, feeling your body act on its own accord.  

Ralak is already in front of you, one hand on your bump as the other slips between your thighs to feel your progression. All while he’s looking down at you with nothing but concern etched into his features, unsure of what more he can do for you without tsaheylu.

He witnesses your face turn red as you hold your breath again, using as much force as you can to push him out. 

Ralaks hand moves from your bump to cup your cheek, his fingernails raking away the streaks of sweaty hair plastered to your face and tucking them behind your ear. 

“Syeha si, tanhì [breathe].” He reminds you gently, exaggerating a breathing pattern you had rehearsed a few weeks ago, and you try to match his rhythm. 

But you’re stuttering and sobbing, unable to establish a pattern and push at the same time. Your back is on fire and it feels as if the baby isn’t moving any further down. 

The contraction finally ends with a loud wheeze and your head slumps back into the rocky bank. You shake your head as you struggle to open your heavy lidded eyes. 

Your vision is blurry and spotty. You glance down in a haze and lock eyes for a moment with the worried giant before you, and then you feel yet another contraction wash over you. They are on top of one another—back to back—with little to no break between them. 

“Fuck. Please. Please. Plea—” You weep weakly, eyes slamming shut as your chin makes contact with your chest, cutting off your pleas with a lengthy, guttural grunt. You push with what you have left, giving yourself a throbbing headache as a result. 

“Pushing so, so well.” Ralak praises you with a hushed voice, feeling something press against his fingers. 

As you strain, you feel the delirium set in. The panic of not knowing if you’re capable of doing this. Every inch of you more than ached, yet some parts of you have even gone numb from how long this has been going on.

You can barely get a proper breath in much less breathe the way you should when you’re pushing. You feel like your body may give out at any moment. 

“Keep going, y/n.” He encourages you, seeing your exhaustion and feeling you stop. 

“Ralak…lak.” You let out a sob and try to relax your body, but end up collapsing back into the rocky surface again. “‘m tired, lak.” You mumble shakily between laboured pants, “...want him out.” 

“I hear you.” Ralak tries to reassure you, now supporting both your trembling legs as they threaten to give out. “He will soon be out, tanhì. But you have to keep going.”

“No—oh, no, no.” You cry, tensing up from another agonising contraction. You didn’t think they could get any more painful. “No more. No more, please.”

“Come now, big push for me.” Ralak instructs softly, repositioning himself to help deliver his son. 

“Ugh—!” You scream, giving all you have left into this push. Beads of sweat roll down your temples at a concerning speed, and your face shifts to an even more vibrant shade of red. “Please! Please get him out of me!” 

“He’s coming out, tìyawn. Keep pushing, almost there. Almost there.” Ralaks voice is low and laced with panic, despite his greatest efforts to keep calm and collected.

This cycle repeats for some time, instilling worry into both you and Ralak. You’re having a difficult time, and it’s taxing on your body to keep this going.

Truthfully he can tell that you’re really struggling, and he’s getting a little more worried as time passes. But then he feels the baby press against his fingers and hope fills him once more. 

“That’s it. Push just like that, y/n.” 

“Fuck—” And just as last time, you collapse back into the bank, depleted with nothing left to give. You begin to think that maybe everything you’ve been hearing was right. 

Maybe you can’t do this. 

“I…I can’t.” You sputter defeated, letting your legs go limp either side of you.

“Mawey [calm]. You can. Your body is made for this.” He reaffirms for not only you but also himself, he’s too afraid to lose you. No, he can’t lose you, too. He’s experienced too much loss. 

“’s not comin’.” You shake your head lethargically, feeling faint. “He’s stuck.”

Hearing that makes his heart sink. Ronal’s words echo in his mind, putting him in a frantic state. He quickly composes himself, probing the tender flesh to help stretch it out. He feels something slimy and silken, and his ears perk up.

He’s right there. So close. 

“He’s not. I feel him, he is right there.” Ralak tries to keep calm for you, attempting to reassure you as he quickly thinks about the next best move.

Zu’té isn’t back with the healer and there's not much else he can do. He looks down at you, taking in just how uncomfortable you look as he tries to imagine just how much pain you’re in. With a position like this, no wonder your back hurts. His eyes widen. 

No wonder your progression has stalled. 

“Move with me. Easy.” Ralak croons, carefully tucking his arm under your back to sit you up slowly. He throws your limp arms around his neck, and brings you to your knees and then your feet—supporting your weight as you get there. 

“Lak, Lak!” You grimace and whimper as you try to work with your mate—your body is already so sore and weak that any movement is torturous. 

“Need to get you off your back.” Ralak huffs, holding you in position until you’ve adjusted. You hold on to him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as you settle into a squat. “A few more pushes, mama.”  

“Haa—no, no.” You squeal in desperation, feeling his head descend even further down now that gravity has come into play.

Then your belly stiffens. 

You bite the flesh of your cheek until you taste blood and bury your face into the dip of his collarbone—refusing the urge to push. But the instinct overrides you completely, leaving you in a panicked and delirious state. 

“Take h-him out! Make the cut!”

“No, no cut. No cut.” Ralak utters a throaty whisper, pushing down into your lower back. “Bear down, muntxate [wife].�� 

“Ple—ase.” Your broken plea comes out as a low grunt as you shake your head frantically, driving your dulled nails into your mate. “It hurts, it hurts!” 

“I know, ma’ y/n. But you must bear down, please.” His voice trembles, filled with worry, but his words are firm—non-negotiable. You continue to shake your head, fighting with what you have left, your laboured breathing deepening as you run out of strength to resist. 

Ralak’s worry quickly turns into pure panic. Panic that you’ve really given up. Panic that you really may not make it out of this. That…he’ll lose you. He knows what he must do, despite it being against your wishes.

He gives your kuru a quick stroke, his way of warning you. It sends a shiver through you, but the pain is so excruciating that you can’t resist this, too. 

Ralak quickly makes tsaheylu, bringing a brief moment of pure, instant relief, just enough to bring you out of your delirium. His wound reopens, burning and weeping. But not even that could prepare him for your pain. 

It feels like each vertebrae in his spine instantaneously shifts out of place. It is excruciating. And strange—that urge to push. He can feel it too. It’s like an itch deep under your skin. Irresistible and uncontrollable. 

“Push!” Ralak groans loudly, prompting you to bear down with whatever strength you can muster up.

You scream at the top of your lungs, achieving a frequency and volume so high it can be heard from the village. Ralak’s fingers quickly probe the tenderness between your legs to check your progress once more. Finally, he feels the baby’s head begin to emerge. 

“Perfect push, tanhì. Keep going, keep going.” Now he’s winded, flustered and speaking breathily. 

Your scream is cut off by your vulgar tongue, “Fuck! Fuck—it burns!” You cry out, feeling a bolt of white hot fire split you in two, making you jerk back. “It’s burning!” You sob, trying to wiggle away from the flame. 

“He’s crowning. His head, shit—” He huffs, realising that the babe is coming too quickly, not giving you enough time to adjust, “Stop pushing.” His fingers probe the taut skin in attempts to prevent you from possibly tearing, “Breathe him out. Just as we practised.”

Your fingers dig even deeper into him as your head snaps up to shoot him a deadly glare. Wasn’t he just demanding that you push? To ‘listen to your body’?

You take deep, intentional breaths, eyes flicking down to search the cloudy water as you try your hardest to resist. He can feel your frustration through tshayelu, he can hear your thoughts. 

“Syeha si, syeha si [Breathe, breathe]. Let yourself adjust. Let your body push for you.” Ralak tries to explain, using the bond to his advantage and setting a steady breathing pattern. 

‘I can’t do it.’ You think to him, unsure if you’re even doing it right.

“You can. You are. Just like that.” Ralak works with you, probing the tender skin once more as he feels the head emerge. “A little longer.”

But yet, you feel yourself giving in. 

“Can't. Help. It.” You whimper, your breath stuttering as it catches in your throat. Tears roll relentlessly down your cheeks. You need him out. 

Now. 

You drop to your knees and tuck your chin to your chest. “Haah!” Your breath finally releases, and a guttural, lengthy grunt follows after. 

Ralak feels you push — hard. He readies himself, steadying his stance as he traces his fingers around the circumference of his unborn’s head to help guide him out. 

He is, too, looking down into the murky water, trying his best to see what’s going on. All he can do is rely on his sense of touch and the feeling through the bond to help him. 

“Ngh—ugh!” You feel a pop between your legs and the pressure minutely releases. 

Just then Ralak feels the rest of your baby’s head emerge. He can feel the curls of his silken hair, and how they’re laid flat to his skull. Ralak nearly breaks down right there, but fights the array of emotions bombarding him all at once to recenter his focus back on you. 

“His head is out.” He croaks, supporting the babe's head with the palm of his hand. “Hair like yours.” 

Ralak gently unlatches your grip on his shoulder and guides your hand under the water and towards his. Aside from wanting you to feel what he’s feeling, he’s hoping that this will give you the strength to keep going.

You feel the sliminess first, and then the soft, velvety texture of your son's head. You weep, slumping your head into Ralak's chest as you focus on gathering as much energy during the small break from the contractions. 

It’s incredible to know that your body created this life. 

“Oh god…it’s him.” You barely whisper.

“You are so strong, you know that? Mighty.” Ralak hums, cupping the back of your head with his hand. You lift your head to look at him and he rests his forehead against yours, searching your eyes with his. “One more push for me, okay?” 

You nod your head, bottom lip curled over to touch your chin. His hand slips from your neck to your cheek, his thumb wiping away one tear of a thousand. The tightening of your stomach has you tensing up, gripping onto him for support. You groan and moan until the contraction reaches its peak, where you begin to grunt and push against the budding pressure.  

He steadies himself once more, quickly slipping his hand off your cheek back into the water. He holds your son's head with one hand, and hooks the fingers of his other hand under his son's left shoulder. It pops out with the help of his gentle tug, and you bear down even harder. 

“A little more.” He encourages you, waiting patiently to feel his son's right shoulder emerge. He feels the bridge of his shoulder and Ralak jumps into action, carefully guiding his son's shoulder out. “Perfect, there it is.” Ralak mumbles quickly, hyperfocused on ensuring a safe delivery. 

You whimper when the burning sensation comes back, shoving your forehead into his chest. It’s hard to breathe. Every fibre in your being has you wanting to hold your breath for more leverage to get him out. Your noises fade to little choked muffles, quick and uneven. 

“Breathe.” Ralak chokes out, feeling your burning lungs through tsaheylu. He immediately establishes a somewhat steady breathing pattern for you to sync into.

“Pwah!” You let out a shaky, harsh breath of air, panting as you try to sync with him. “Urgh—ah!” you groan as you push, surprised by how long this torturous contraction is lasting. 

“Please get him out of me, please, please.” You whisper into his chest.

“Shoulders are out, tanhì” Ralak huffs next to your ear, tenderly rubbing his cheek against your temple. 

“Catch him, Lak.” You wheeze, your legs shaking uncontrollably from carrying your weight for such a long time. He wants so badly to do the rest for you, now really sensing your weariness through the bond. But he couldn’t, all he could do was support you through every second of this. 

“I have him, muntxate [wife].” He whispers, lips pressed to your ear. “Last push.”

A hoarse, empty cry evades your trembling lips as you bear down a final time. Suddenly the pressure releases entirely, and you feel your son slip out of you and into Ralaks hands. You let out a loud moan of relief, immediately pulling away from Ralak’s chest to look down into the water. 

“He’s out. He’s here, tanhì. You did it, mama. You did it.” Ralaks cracked voice is full of relief. “He—he is so small.”

You fall back onto your behind, breaking tsaheylu with your mate. Your eyes search for your newborn but you can’t make anything out of the murkiness of the water.

You look up to witness tears fill Ralak’s eyes for the first time as he holds the baby underneath the water. Your back hits the rocky bank of the lake in solace knowing your son is in safe hands. 

Then Ralak grits his teeth and lets go.

“Lak. Ralak.” Your panicked, hoarse voice calls for him, but you’re too weak to get up. “Ho-Hold him, Ralak.” 

Ralak looks like he’s fighting his own instinct to scoop up his young and cradle him in his chest. And that’s because he is. It’s taking everything in him not to do just that, but he knows that this is the way. The right way. 

“Mawey [calm]. First breath.” Ralak gently reminds you of the Metkayina ritual. He knows he must do this, especially in the absence of the Tsahik. “Let him swim.” 

You watch intently as the water slowly clears, revealing the wiggle of your newborn's body. “Help him.” You plead with trembling lungs, having a hard time watching this unfold. 

Ralak stays close to his newborn, ready to jump into action in an instant. But the babe rises to the top all on his own—swimming directly from the womb. You burst into tears, chest swelling with pride and every emotion under the moon.

Nonetheless, Ralak taps his bum softly, his other hand hovering underneath his son's feet in the case he needs to intervene. This is the first moment where your son has made you both proud.

Your son breaks the water with his face, chubby cheeks and puckered lips. You hear the sound of his little, first breath — pwah. His eyes open as he looks around, catching sight of his father scooping him into his arms. 

“You did it, my little one.” Ralak whispers with a crack in his voice, shifting his gaze over to you. “You did it. I’m so proud of you.” He repeats in absolute shock and awe, and this time you know he’s talking to you, too. 

Ralak holds his son close to his chest and away from his weeping wound, using his body heat to keep him warm as he makes his way over to you. The babe wails when he catches your scent, squirming in his fathers arms as if he were trying to get to you on his own terms. 

“She is right here, son.” He whispers, bouncing him a bit as he places him in your arms, helping you hold him for the first time. “Hold his head.”

Your arms feel like jelly and they won’t stop shaking, but you’re eager to hold your newborn. Ralak tucks himself closely at your side, keeping a precautionary hand under your arm. Immediately, he calms, gurgling and cooing as he listens to the familiar and comforting thump of your heart. It’s all he’s heard in the past ten months. 

Teary eyed, you look down through blurred vision, taking in the sight of your son. Every feature. Every stripe. Every freckle. His dark turquoise skin, golden eyes, pointed pink ears. A tail like his father, but five fingered, like his mother. He is the perfect mix, the perfect balance. 

“You’re perfect.” You whisper, admiring his little coos and floppy, soft ears that lay flat against him. His head turns towards your bosom, puckered lips brushing against your top in search of your nipple. “Hungry? Hm?” You hum shakily. 

Ralak is quick to help you, helping you position him just right. Your son shakes his head as he tries to latch for the first time, and both you and Ralak watch quietly with wobbly smiles plastered on your faces.

With two fingers, Ralak presses down onto your breast, angling your nipple in a way that makes it easier for you and him. You can’t help the grimace on your face when he does latch and suckle, but it quickly turns into a smile as you watch him feed for the first time. 

“Rak’äni.” Ralak proudly announces the name of his first born son.

You look up at him, witnessing a tear or two roll down his cheek. You’d never seen this giant cry like this before. The past two days have been too much.

“Rak’äni.” You repeat with a smile, Ralaks eyes finally meeting yours. He leans in and meets your lips with his, kissing you tenderly. He lingers there forehead to forehead as he pulls away, allowing himself to be vulnerable—to soak in his emotions. 

“I love you. I see you, y/n. For life. And beyond.” Ralak sheds a few more tears as he speaks the words.

“Nìt’iluke [neverendingly; forever].” You say wearily, heavy lidded eyes struggling to stay open. 

Snap. 

Ralak hears the sound of a branch breaking underneath the weight of a person's foot. Ralak looks behind him, hand under the water clutching the dagger on his hip, ready to protect his family. He sees the silhouette of a woman standing at the opening of the cave, basket on her hip as the last rays of sun shine through her. 

The first eclipse is starting.

Is that how long this has gone on for?

His heart skips a beat as his eyes narrow to see who it is…to see if it’s how he suspects it may be. Did she really follow us?

He then sees a taller figure emerge behind her, then another, and another…and another. And soon he counts seven heads in total and it dawns on him.

It’s your family—and his.

“We have visitors, little one.” Ralak coos quietly at his baby, his thumb just barely gliding over his cheek. “Are you alright, mama?” His voice sounds muffled and distant, as if he were at the other side of the lake. “The healer is here.” 

“Tired...Hurts.” You mumble, letting your eyes fall shut.

You feel Ralak’s gentle touch as he tucks himself behind you, supporting you with his body. His arm is under yours, keeping the babe safely above water as he feeds. You can fully relax your body now, sinking into your mate’s pillowy chest. 

“Rest.” Ralak whispers. “I have you.”

“You won’t believe, brother. The tshahik is also in labour. And I couldn’t find you…I heard y/n scream and—oh…” Zu’té lowers his voice to a whisper, catching sight of the freshly born babe in your arms. “Tak. He’s here.” His voice falters even more as he nears his blood.

His only family outside of Ralak. He’s awestruck, taking in all the different features of a new kind as he feeds. The babe's skin resembles the depth of his mother, but the tone of his father. Stripes like an omaticaya. Tail like a Metkayina. Five-fingered.

Truthfully, the length of his stare has Ralak feeling a little uneasy and a bit protective. 

“Toto.” Ralak hasn’t called him that in years, “Meet your nephew—Rak’äni.” 

“Rak’äni.” Zu’té repeats through a whisper, keeping his distance from the babe. “Fyole [beyond perfection].” 

Ralak relaxes, smiling proudly. “He is.” 

Zu’té fumbles with a small satchel on his hip, taking something out of it in a haste. He hands Ralak something small, something delicate. It's weaved to perfection, with colours of the sunset.

"For him." Zu’té says in a hushed voice, unfolding the garment to show his brother. It's a hat, an entirely new concept to the Metkayina. Ralak looks at him, a little confused, eyes bouncing between the strangely shaped item and his brother. "For the child's head."

Ralak smiles, his furrowed brows relaxing when he understands. Zu’té raises his brows and gently nudges it closer to the babe in your arms. Ralak nods, watching as Zu’té slips it on his head as gently as he can.

"Toto, that is very kind—"

"Don't flatter yourself." Zu’té cuts his brother short, pulling back to see the finished result of his hard work. It fits perfectly. "I had plenty of time."

Zu’té steps back, giving you two some space.

A sudden splash of the water makes Ralak jolt in his skin, but he calms down once he realises that it’s the healer situating herself next to you so she can tend to you. He isn’t all here right now, either.

“You did well, sa’nu.” You recognize her voice and strain to open your eyes, vaguely seeing her features.

She was at all your lessons with Ronal. The only one who didn’t look at you like some sort of alien. The only one who treated you with respect.

“All on your own. You need to be strong for a little while longer, alright? This may hurt.”

She begins gently massaging your abdomen under the water—a step that is empirical for healing. You clench your jaw and squeeze your eyes shut, shoving your head back into Ralak, who is visibly trying to withhold his look of displeasure.

“I get that look quite a bit. It’ll be over soon, sempu.”

You look down with foggy vision and see the hat on your baby's head. Immediately, you know who made it. You turn your head, looking directly at Zu’té and smile, mouthing 'thank you'. Zu’té returns the smile with a slight nod, remaining silent.

A high-pitched, excited voice has both you and Ralak turning your heads to see your little sister. 

“Woah! Mama, look!” Tuk exclaims, tugging Neytiri by the hand to get a closer look. 

“Shh, Tuk. He is asleep.” Neytiri hushes her youngest, nuzzling her into her side. The others stay quiet as they approach, crouching down at the bank of the lake to look at their new family member. 

“I am so proud of you, my daughter. He looks like you.” Neytiri whispers, raking her fingers through your knotted hair.

You exhale a shaky breath and smile weakly, leaning into your mothers comforting touch.

Jake looks down at the suckling babe in your arm, eyes burning as they gloss over with tears. “You did it, babygirl.” 

Hearing your fathers words after so many years of feeling like a failure, you can’t help the sob you sputter out. 

“D-Daddy.” You cry shakily, breath hitching. “It was s-so h-hard.” 

“I know, baby. I know. But you did it. ” He coos at his own baby, rubbing your shoulder as he looks over to Ralak. “You both did.” He smiles with his son-in-law, cupping the back of his head with his other hand. 

Neteyam and Lo’ak wait patiently at the back, not wanting to crowd you. Neteyam is particularly worried for you, he’s been beating himself up for not checking on you when he knew deep in his gut that he should have.

Lo’ak is… nervous, despite his big talk about being the best uncle. Your parents pull back, allowing some space for you, Ralak and the healer. 

“Guys.” You sniffle, craning your neck to look at them. “C-Come see your nephew.” 

They approach cautiously and kneel down next to you and Ralak. Neteyam smiles, golden eyes quivering as he takes in his features. 

“It’s uncle teytey.” Neteyam takes his nephew's tiny hand, his thumb grazing over his five fingers. Then Neteyam looks at you, his expression going from bright to glum. “I’m sorry I didn’t check on you.”

You shake your head and smile, barely keeping your eyes open. “Don’t be.” 

“Y/n. I—” To your surprise, Lo’ak is speechless. “He is beautiful.” 

“Thank you, uncle Lo’ Lo’.” You smile with another sniffle, using that god-damned nickname he wouldn’t let up on.

Lo'ak returns the smile, hearing it fall from your quivering lips makes his heart full. You finally lean back against Ralak's chest, allowing your eyes to close, heavy and swollen from all your shed tears of joy and pain.

You feel the healer’s hands leave your stomach and make their way to your chest where she ensures the babe has latched properly. “Perfect latch. You are a natural, y/n.”

You smile wobbly at her words, feeling extra proud of yourself. 

“I will leave the medicines here, ensure she takes them on time.” She’s speaking to Ralak, who is also in a daze, gazing down at his son. “I will come and check on her tonight. Until then, she needs to rest. No heavy lifting.”

Ralak finally averts his attention to the healer, a smile on his lips as he nods. He’d never let you lift a finger, anyways.   

“Ralak, your wound is open.” Neytiri speaks with concern in her voice. 

The healer looks down to see his mangled laceration. “Eywa…Now, this will hurt.” Her eyes go wide and she immediately gets her things to sew him back up. Neteyam and Lo’ak look at the bleeding gash with wide eyes. Jake grimaces. 

“D-Does that hurt?” Tuk asks shyly, peeking out from behind Neytiri to see. 

Ralak shakes his head with a smile, too overjoyed with the safe delivery of his first born son to even notice anymore.

“No pain. Only happiness.” Ralak says softly, accent heavy on his tongue as he looks back down at his now stirring babe. 

[brujaluas]

what you need to know about yourself and your spiritual journey

pile 1

leaving a dark path, a cloud that followed you in your life will go away for now, you will discover something new that will give you a boost in your life, something will blossom, but it will not be alone. You see, you need to meet new people, get out of your bubble, meet different people from countless different realities than yours, I usually say that there are several worlds in the same world, a person who lives on the other side of the world can have a life completely different from mine in countless aspects, you understand? You just need to mix, meet the maximum level of people, this will make you grow a lot spiritually and even financially, through this a definitive union will be formed, it can be romantic or a partnership that you will make that is related to your profession. your change in the world.

pile 2

The answer is yes! Some people chose this pile and were thinking about a specific question and were told yes, some needed to hear this. Things will align in your life, it may even be related to something astrological. you getting to know a place, an environment that will change everything in your life, it will help you blossom, this is a blessed place, it was waiting for you, it is your destiny! It will teach you how to start something and progress, it will start with a flower but in the future it will be a huge garden.

pile 3

Many cycles happening in your life, you have gone through or will go through many cycles, most of the people who chose this reading are older than some here, your past and your future are very connected, intertwined. It reminds me of spring, even nature has its cycles, a connection in your life, it's not something romantic, but it's as if you went to different environments of life, you go through countless metamorphoses, but in the end you come back to something, it's as if the connection follows your cycles, I see an energy of ancestry.

[trippinsorrows]

10 things + part two

authors note: wasn't expecting so many of you to be interested in this! but, you were, and now here we are! 😅 there will definitely be a final part 3 to this, btw.

words: 3.1k

part one

gif belongs to @romanreigns

warnings: angst, argument between parent and child, things get a tad bit physical....

Nova has always enjoyed and cherished Roman being home. For a lot of reasons. Many of them obvious, like the fact that he’s her husband, the man she loves, the man she wants to be around. Or even just the relief that comes with having another adult in the home to help out with the girls while she works. 

So him having time off work the past few months really has made a difference. For her. For their marriage. And especially for his relationship with their young daughters.

If only the same could be said for his relationship with their firstborn.

Which is exactly what she plans to tackle when he walks back in the room after putting the girls down for bed.

“How many stories did they sucker out of you?”

Roman chuckles at the first question he’s hit with as soon as he returns from bedtime duties. “Only three this time.”

She smiles, watching him close the door and walk over to where she sits on her knees in the middle of the bed. “Park must have worn them out.”

He makes a sound, starting to eye her up and down. Nova knows that look. Knows it far too well. It’s the same look that most likely led to both her pregnancies with their middle and youngest. “Speaking of wearing out…..”

She rolls her eyes when he reaches for her chin, lifting her head. “We need to talk.”

“Not gonna lie, not really in the mood for talking. Not with this little piece you got on….” He gestures to the thin sleep dress that shows off her breast and hardened nipples that are stretched against the cotton. 

“Too bad.” She ignores him, patting the spot beside her. “Come on.”

The scowl on his face is comical, similar to any of the kids when they’ve just been told something they don’t want to hear. “It better be important.”

“It is,” she promises. One of the most important things in his life. 

Roman looks at her, gaze shifting into something suspicious. “You pregnant?”

She rolls her eyes. “No, Roman, I’m not pregnant.” Nova taps her upper forearm. “Remember? We made sure that doesn’t happen again. At least not without being planned.” He looks both relieved and torn. Relatable. Neither of them necessarily want any more children, but they also wouldn’t be upset if it happened. “Besides, we need to focus on the ones we have. Starting with Junior.”

And instantly, she knows she’s lost his interest. “Not this again—”

“Yes, this again.” She stresses, borderline irritated that he’s irritated that she wants to discuss his abysmal relationship with their firstborn. “He’s your son, Roman. You need to fix your relationship with him.”

“Nova, we both know that boy doesn't want anything to do with me.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not true.”

He runs his hands through his hair, expressing 100% disagreement. “He acts like he hates me or something.”

Though it’s said with surface level irritation, Nova knows her husband well. Has known him since they were teenagers, so it’s relatively easy for her to see through his facade. His statement holds a lot of hurt.

A lot of pain.

“He doesn’t, baby,” she comforts, reaching to push back some of his hair. He has it down, free and wavy just how she prefers it. “He’s just—-he……he feels like he can’t talk to you.”

Roman is quick to object. “He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“No, he doesn’t want to talk to you if you’re not going to listen to him, and you don’t sometimes, Roman.”

Nova loves her husband as much as she’s certain he loves her, but he can be hard headed and stubborn. Borderline arrogant, especially when he believes he’s right. A hard person to deal with. At times, at least.

She watches the way Roman’s shoulders relax a bit as he lets down some of his walls, admitting, “I just don’t want him to make the same mistakes I did.”

Nova moves and hugs him from behind, chin on his shoulder. “I get that, babe, but he’s going to make mistakes, regardless, because he’s a kid. That’s how they learn.”

“But, why should I just sit here and watch my son go down the same road I did if I can avoid it?”

And herein lies the main issue from what Nova has been able to see. The vastly different stances the two men in her life have regarding one of their futures. RJ wants to enter the NFL draft next year, wants to get started on his career now rather than later. Believes that’s the best route for him. Roman, however, wants his son to finish school and then declare for the draft. 

To avoid having the tough experiences Roman had in not getting drafted and being added and cut from team to team, putting the family in financial difficulties because of inconsistent income. Roman couldn’t even provide for his family at that time, a devastating feeling for anyone, let alone a man.

RJ, clearly, is in a different boat. Regardless, with no college degree, Roman didn’t have much to lean back on. He doesn’t want that for his son.

If only Junior saw it that way.  

“Because you can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.” She sighs, sharing her own thoughts. “I don’t disagree with you, Roman. I think he should stay and finish school and then enter the draft too, but I can’t make that decision for him, and neither can you.”

“So we just let him make bad decisions? Is that what you’re saying?” She closes her eyes. Here they go. “Fuck that. I know you like to be his friend, but you’re not, Nova. You’re his mother, and you need to act like it.”

“Excuse me?” She moves away, removing her arms from around him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you don’t like confrontation, so you avoid it by any means, even if it means upholding his bad behavior.”

Nova doesn’t really get angry or let things affect her much. Unless it comes to her family. To her kids. And Roman happens to be picking at that soft spot. “No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make it seem like I’m a bad mother for supporting our son.”

He rolls his eyes. “Not everything needs to be supported.”

“And not everything needs to be judged either.” She shakes her head, climbing off the bed. “This is the shit I’m talking about. It’s like I can’t even talk to you anymore.” Nova heads for their bathroom, already over this conversation. She loves Roman, but sometimes, she can’t stand him.

And this is gradually turning into one of those times. 

Roman is hot on her heels, standing in the doorway as she starts to pull out her skincare items. “See, you’re proving my point. You’re walking away.”

She turns to him, explaining boldly. “I’m walking away because I don’t want to argue with you. I’m tired of that, and you should be too, which is why I’m trying to get you to make peace with your only son.”

Of course, he continues playing the victim, going along with his swan song. “Why should I have to do it? Why should I have to apologize for looking out for him? For being his father?”

“He doesn’t see it that way, Roman. He sees it as you being controlling.”

“No, he just doesn’t want anyone telling him what to do.”

Nova scoffs, grabbing her face cream, twisting off the cap. “Wonder where he gets that from.”

She doesn’t have to be looking at him to know he’s scowling. “He’s not a little boy anymore. You need to stop fucking babying him all the time.”

At that, her head snaps in his direction. “Excuse me?” Again, poking the bear. “I don’t baby him. I make myself available for him emotionally. Lord knows, you don’t.”

“He doesn’t want me—”

Nova slams the jar down on the counter, turning to him. “What does he want, Roman? Huh?” She places one hand on the counter and the other on her hip. “When’s the last time you even asked him?”

He looks away, jaw clenched, and she knows she’s got him. Knows that he has no retort for that. Not a good one, at least. 

“You know what, I’m done asking you to do shit.” She steps toward him, all of the weight and stress of this situation evident in both her expression and voice. “I’m telling you to make things right with our son.”

Nova takes his hands in hers. “I love you, but I love our children more.” She swallows, emotion betraying her, eyes watering. “And if it ever came to it where it’s between them and you….I choose them every time.”

—--------

“We need to talk.”

Nova is barely back in the kitchen after getting the girls down for bed when the smile is easily wiped off her previously happy face. She glances over at her husband and then her son, both standing on separate sides of the kitchen island. She can tell RJ was about to head out, clearly uninterested in staying beyond his attendance for Sunday family dinner.

A part of her wants to cut in, wants to suggest that maybe they do this another time. Maybe over lunch between the two of them. Someplace where they’re less likely to have an epic blowout.

But, it’s too late.

RJ visibly tenses at Roman’s statement. An obvious reaction given the fact that rarely do good things follow those four infamous words. 

“About?” 

“You still planning to enter the draft?”

RJ shrugs. “Yeah.”

Roman is quiet for a second, stroking his beard. “You know that’s stupid, right?”

Nova closes her eyes. Such a great start. “Roman.”

RJ, however, just smiles and crosses his arms. “Of course, you think it’s stupid. Not like anyone else can have a good idea if it didn’t come from you.”

Roman ignores that, instead suggesting, “you need to finish school first. Get your degree.”

“Why?” RJ’s nose is turned up in disgust. “We all know I’m locked in to be a first round pick.”

“That’s what you think. It’s not guaranteed.” Roman objects, advising, “don’t get too cocky.”

At that, RJ looks like he wants to laugh. “You’re telling me that?” He scoffs. “You’re the last one to talk.”

“Junior.” Nova scolds, now standing almost directly next to Roman. “I think what your dad is trying to say—”

“How much longer you think I’m gonna keep putting up with your disrespectful ass mouth, huh?” Roman cuts her off, and Nova finds herself reaching over to grab his hand. His tone alone tells her his anger is spiking, and that’s never a good thing. Especially right now. “Keep it up.”

And the situation is only made worse when Junior starts to laugh. Nova closes her eyes. This is not what she meant when she told Roman to make things right.

He’s doing the exact opposite. 

Roman’s nose is flared, his voice tight as he he asks, “what’s so fucking funny?”

“You.” RJ doesn’t hesitate to answer, hands flat on the granite as he leans over the island. “How all of a sudden you wanna be my dad. How you all of a sudden wanna act like you care about me. Act like you care about my future. Act like you didn’t miss almost, if not all, of my games when I was growing up.”

Nova’s stomach is starting to twist and knot. “RJ—”

But, he only continues. Pain and anger meshing and forming into a dangerous combination. “Mama was there. Every game. You weren’t.” Nova glances over at Roman and sees the same mix of feelings from their son in him. “You weren’t there for me then, so you don’t get to be there for me now.” 

Closing her eyes, she does her best to quickly try to figure out what’s the best thing to say. To try to defuse this situation that’s clearly much deeper than she could have ever realized. 

But, Roman is faster. “You act like I was this piece of shit dad who was never around at all.” And just like with her son, she sees and hears it with the senior of the two. Anger and hurt. And pride. “I had to work to provide for you and your mother. You don’t get to throw that shit in my face when you’re older and use it to play the victim.”

Neither. Neither of them clearly know how to communicate without slinging mud. Without sharing how they feel minus the petty jabs and cheap shots. 

RJ only scoffs, seemingly unbothered. “Whatever.”

Roman leans his head back and rolls his shoulder. “RJ, I’m telling you right now, you leave school early and shit doesn’t work out, I’m cutting you off.”

Nova would have loved to have seen her son’s reaction to that, but she’s too busy looking at her husband with all the shock instead. They never discussed that. And she’s pissed off that he would even bring it up without even consulting her about it.

“Roman, you’re being—”

He ignores her, continuing to direct his warning to their son. “You wanna act grown. You can deal with whatever those consequences are.”

RJ shakes his head, Nova finally looking over at him. She can see it. So much hurt. “So what, I don’t do what you want, and I don’t get to be your son anymore?”

Roman snaps, raising his voice. “You don’t want to be my son now, so what fucking difference does it make?” 

“Roman!” She can’t believe he would say that, can’t believe he could ever fix his mouth to express such a thing to his own flesh and blood. It turns her stomach a little bit. Truly. “Don’t say—”

“It’s alright, mama. That’s who he is. It’s who he’s always been.” The betrayal is seeping through as RJ directs his comment toward her instead of Roman who only continues to look with that same combination of heavy emotions. “I don’t even know why you're still with him” Nova is already at a loss for words at how bad this has gotten, but nothing could have prepared her for what he says next. “Should have left his ass the minute you found out he cheated on you.”

Silence.

Nova’s gaze switches to Roman who seems just as taken back as she feels. How RJ is aware of this, she has no idea. Nor does she know just how much he knows about what really occurred and the complexity of the situation. But, that’s neither here nor there. Because she’s got a whole other issue to handle that’s created with Roman’s next statement. 

“Get the hell out of my house.”

Her eyes snap shut again. 

Shit.

She reaches for his arm. “Roman….”

“No!” He snaps. At her. At RJ. At the situation as a whole that’s reached a higher level of disaster than she could have ever anticipated. “He thinks he knows every fucking thing. Wants to be a man. So let him be a fucking man!”

This is not what their son needs. Far from it. “Roman!”

“Naw, he’s right, mama! I don’t need him!” Her attention switches to her son, who much like his father, is doing a damn good job hiding his hurt at this entire thing. Hiding the open, gaping emotional wound. “I can take care of myself!”

“So do it!” Roman continues, completely honed in on his emotions instead of the logic Nova is trying to desperately instill and impart on them both right now. “Get your own fucking car! Pay your own fucking tuition!” 

“I will!” He yells back. “Acting like this your house when everybody knows mama was the one taking care of your broke ass and everything else until your career kicked off!”

“RJ! That is enough.” All of this has gone too far. “I know you’re upset, but he’s still your fath—”

“He’s nothing to me!” Nova feels like she’s in some sort of simulated reality. One where every single one of her worst fears comes to life and haunts her. Or, maybe that would be more enjoyable than this. “He’s just a narcissistic ass—”

Nova has never had fast reflexes. Ever. Two left feet, poor hand eye coordination. The whole nine yards, but there’s nothing slow about the way in which she jumps in front of Roman who starts to lunge toward their son with nothing good in mind.

Nothing good at all.

“No!” She shouts, hands on his chest, knowing that it’s certainly not her strength restraining him. It’s the fact that he clearly doesn’t want to hurt her. “Roman, no! Please!”

“Let him go! Let him do it!”

“RJ! Shut up now!” Nova snaps, directing some of her own simmering anger to her son. She feels for him, sees the hurt hiding behind the anger, but enough is enough. He’s out of line. 

“Why?” He continues. And Nova is really starting to wonder if he took something, because this is not the son she knows. The child she raised. She never taught or allowed him to be this disrespectful. “You know I’m right! Even uncle Jey said it! Dad is a bit—”

Nova is barely able to process what’s happening until she’s stumbling to the side, Roman having bypassed her. She’s only able to see the moment he shoves RJ who stumbles and falls back, just not on the ground. 

No. A single, small cry pierces the air and causes all three of them to pause, even if for the briefest second.

“Mommy!” Arabella’s cry of pain is slightly muffled under RJ’s heavy body as he quickly moves to roll off his little sister whose face is turned up in pain, her arms reaching out for a source of comfort.

Roman looks devastated. RJ is mortified, and Nova can only rush over to her daughter, quickly lifting and holding her, gently cradling her head as Bella cries into her.

“Mom, I’m sor—”

“No!” Nova snaps. Enough. She’s just had enough. “Both of you get the hell out of my house!”

Roman swallows and steps forward, eyes focused on Bella’s little body as she sobs into Nova’s neck. “Bella—”

“I said I want you out!” She reaffirms, stepping toward her son whose anger has melted away into a stirring pot of guilt. “You come back when you find your goddamn brain.” Angling her body toward her husband, to the man she’s spent so much of her formative years and life with, feeling for the first time in a long time, nothing but disgust. “And you?” Nova is almost certain she feels the moment her heart breaks as she says those infamous words. “Don’t come back at all.”

[qqueenofhades]

For creative writing purposes, can you go into what a typical day is for a professor? Like what their teaching schedule looks like, when most fit in their research time, etc?

Ahaha, well. I don't want to just say "you can completely make it up," but also.... you can pretty much just make it up, and what is the case for one professor is definitely not going to be true for another. I have known people who will send emails at 1am and/or 4am, and actually finding and fitting in research time for most academics is also "lololololol what." So I can give you a roster of typical daily academic tasks and categories, and then let you know if that if you want to throw them up in the air and scatter them around in literally whatever-the-fuck order, there is probably a beleaguered academic who has done that, but with an even worse sleep schedule. So:

Most permanent faculty at a university are hired as assistant (tenure-track) professors. Once they pass the tenure-committee review (usually about 5 years into the job) they are appointed as associate (tenured) professors. Full professors are considerably senior and/or have been in the field for a long time and have a distinguished service record, excluding various wunderkinds who get it early (but are not common).

If the faculty is just teaching one class a semester or has an irregular appointment, i.e. they step in to teach when the university needs them, they are adjunct professors. You can gain a lot of cred and/or commiserating groaning in your AO3 comments by complaining about how little money the adjunct faculty makes, how erratic their schedule is, and how there is generally little-to-no actual career advancement possible in that position, unless they manage to reapply to a permanent post.

There are also a lot of Visiting Assistant Professors (and similar title), for 2- or 3-year/non-permanent appointments. Many institutions now also offer 1-year VAPs with only a possibility of renewal for 1 additional year or not at all. Those institutions should go straight to hell.

Most professors have 3/3 teaching loads, i.e. they'll teach 3 classes per semester (assuming winter/spring semester). Others have 2/2/2 loads for trimesters (also known as quarters). It can be more, i.e. 4/4, but that's for sucky entry-level teaching-only positions and someone in that role would be unlikely to have any research or service (i.e. institutional committee or internal college) commitments. They would probably also mostly be teaching introductory or freshman-year general survey courses. It depends on how much you want to torture your fictional academic.

Free food? Yes. You will see a healthy amount of the department there, whether faculty or student.

Please remember to have your fictional academic receive approximately 50 student emails a day wherein they ask something that is clearly answered in the syllabus or on the course website, and to see how polite they can possibly be in telling said student this.

Most grading is now done online, so the red pen is only metaphorical, but you can leave SO many Pointed Comments on Canvas Speed Grader. But if you want to torture Dr. Blorbo, you can have the e-grading system suddenly stop working, so they have to grade three classes' worth of introductory freshman history essays by hand. Not based on real events.

Likewise, there will be endless bullshit with the dean's office and/or central university administration, wherein there will be so many Urgent Budget Updates and Breaking News From The Chancellor and We Regret To Inform You We Cannot Hire Someone For That Position.

Related to the budget woes: they will ask you to do things like "make sure you print on both sides of the paper!" or otherwise "economize." Contemplating murder is acceptable and encouraged.

The administrative assistant in each department holds the entire department together. They will be extremely indispensable. Your fictional academic, if they know what's good for them, will befriend that person and/or grovel at their feet. Said person is also usually responsible for scheduling classrooms, which can cause all kinds of juicy drama in the academic fandom if there is One Particular Classroom that everyone hates and lo and behold, Dr. Blorbo is stuck there yet again. They will then probably also fire off multiple passive-aggressive emails attempting to correct the problem. The administrative assistant can grant and/or ignore these requests at their discretion, depending on how much beef they have with Dr. Blorbo and/or how motivated they are to solve their problems.

Department meetings! Who asked for them? Nobody! Who has to attend them? Everybody! They go on for two hours every other week (possibly more depending on how meeting-happy your department chair is) and you will wish for death!

Likewise, the department staff sending out passive-aggressive emails about how they really NEED one more volunteer for (insert university event here). Dr. Blorbo, if they are smart, will delete these emails and pretend they never saw them, but sometimes it may be unavoidable. Bitching and moaning will follow.

For research: it really depends on what academic field Dr. Blorbo is in, since the hard sciences, etc. look quite different and I, as a humanities person, can't speak to that. Most academics aim to fairly regularly publish a piece in a peer-reviewed journal; you can check Dr. Blorbo's field to see what journals they might be trying to submit a journal article (usually max. 8000 words, sometimes more) to.

This will go through a process called Peer Review, wherein two anonymous academics review your work (also anonymized to them) to make sure that you are not talking out of your ass. It is a running joke that Reviewer 2 will always, ALWAYS be more grumpy and critical and otherwise annoying. Invoking the specter of Dr. Blorbo receiving a peer review evaluation for their article will send a shiver down every academic's spine.

If Dr. Blorbo has recently finished their PhD, they may be working on converting their PhD thesis into an academic monograph. The most horrible part of this process, hands down, is reviewing proofs to make an index. Don't ask me how I know this.

However, academic monographs take a lot of time and work and most academics are mostly focused on publishing journal articles, book chapters (in collected volumes) or editing/working in collaboration with other projects.

Likewise: Dr. Blorbo will have to write book reviews. This is accomplished by the very scientific method of subscribing to various industry publications and/or email lists that will sometimes send out lists of books that need to be reviewed and solicit people to sign up. You will then receive a hard copy of the book (usually) and have 3 months or so to read it and write a review. The first 2 months of this, give or take, will consist of the book sitting untouched on the academic's desk as they remind themselves that they still have plenty of time to do it.

There can, however, be INCREDIBLE beef in book reviews, and while the standards of professional courtesy dictate that you don't go great-guns-flaming calling someone else in your field a moron (in more technical language), sometimes it is unavoidable.

Do they get paid for any of this extra intellectual work? Lol. No. No they do not. They don't get paid enough for their actual job.

Dr. Blorbo will inevitably hear some Hot Gossip about what nonsense has recently happened at which field-specific conference (where academics go to present research papers and network with other academics and make regrettable decisions at the open bar). They will then rush to secretly text all their other academic friends with OOH JUICY ACADEMIC DRAMA. Their friends will do the same whenever the opportunity arises to reciprocate.

Removing the coffee machine from the break room/faculty kitchen is grounds for mutiny.

Anyway. I am sure there are many, MANY more, but if you want an authentic slice of long-suffering academic life for Dr. Blorbo, this is all a good place to start.

[nayatarot777]

Lilith in Taurus/2nd House

this is intuitive astrology. meaning that i’m making these notes based on what i intuitively pick up about this astrological point being merged with these signs. take it with a grain of salt and understand that you might not relate to everything that i get from your placement 🖤

Astrology Masterlist

taurus is all about the physical realm, as it’s an earth sign. taurus energy is related to your physical senses, your physical appearance in terms of aesthetics, food, personal income + money - security, basically. everything that you need on a basic level to feel secure and comfortable as a person.

therefore, the experience of having lilith in taurus is one that includes people shaming you for wanting to feel comfortable and secure. people shaming your aesthetic, shaming you for wanting to look good, for wanting to make money, for wanting to enjoy the literal basic luxuries of life - even down to the food that you eat.

people made you feel ashamed for wanting to savour things - like the meals that you had. this placement will have people not liking when you seem comfortable and content. it’s hater energy to the fullest degree, coming from people who feel like they can’t relax and enjoy the simple joys of life themselves. so why should you, right?🙄

^ you ever had a parent (or anyone else for that matter) not enjoy you sleeping, eating, lounging around, and relaxing? no matter how much you may have worked hard for that entire week or month or few months even - as soon as they see you relaxing, it’s a problem. this is why. your lilith energy is a reflection of what they feel like they don’t have for themselves. they don’t have peace so they try to disturb yours.

your peace triggers people fr. when people can tell that you’re content in a situation or with life in general, they’ll bring some bs your way to disrupt that. of course these are usually people who are always in chaotic situations or who are just chaotic people mentally + emotionally themselves. they get jealous of you being the opposite (or at least seeming that way).

lilith in taurus/2nd house can also bring shame around food. it always reminds me of secret eating habits. i have lilith in taurus and i don’t like to eat in front of people. and this is all due to the fact that my father (i call him my sperm donor 🙃) would try to make me feel like i’m being greedy when i ate anything that i enjoyed. even if it was a regular portion of something. mind you, he’d get the munchies and eat everything in the house - even food that i bought myself for me or my little sister or brother. you see how no matter what lilith placement you have, people project what they know about themselves onto you, related to the energy of that sign or house?

lilith in taurus can definitely indicate eating disorders. a cycle between not eating anywhere near enough (basically starving yourself) to eating too much in one go - also known as binge eating.

you were also shamed for wanting things. maybe even accused of being ‘spoiled’. and you’re looking at these people who accuse you of that like “spoiled where? 🤨”. it’s because these toxic ass people didn’t want us to have the basic necessities of life. especially if you have toxic parents. you needing the basics is needing “too much” for these people. this may be why you feel like you can’t ever really truly enjoy what you have now. because there’s a subconscious belief that you “shouldn’t” have whatever you have. or that you don’t deserve it or some bs like that.

^ this can definitely pertain to money too. you may want money but when you get it, you blow it all too quickly on things that you’re not entirely happy with buying. it’s because you don’t know how to handle having money and feeling like you deserve that money. so you get rid of it as quickly as possible. remember what i said about being shamed for holding onto things that you enjoyed? for savouring the fact that you have something? now you feel like you can’t even enjoy what you have, so you cycle and blow through possessions and spending money. because you don’t feel right just enjoying the feeling of having it because of this shame.

people view you as someone who already has “too much” - even if you don’t have enough. they view you as someone who has ‘too much’ money, ‘too much’ beauty (as taurus is ruled by the planet venus), ‘too much’ peace, ‘too much’ stability. ‘too much’ power with your money, beauty, and your voice.

^ a lot of people with lilith in taurus/2nd house have really nice voices. you may experience people mistaking your regular tone or your friendly tone as a flirty or seductive tone. shit’s annoying.

taurus also rules your physical body. people will be jealous of this. doesn’t matter if you don’t fit into the standard of beauty when it comes to your body type. your body is attractive no matter what size, what shape, etc. if you’re a woman especially, you may have noticed how other women’s energy switches up when you wear something that shows your shape or your body more visibly. bitches be HATING. your body, your face, your aesthetic, your voice, your hair - everything to do with your appearance is a force to be reckoned with. which leads me to my next point:

people don’t like when we make ourselves look good. this placement always gives me the energy of people accusing us of “doing too much” when we wear makeup, or when we wear certain outfits. just when we dress up. because, again, we’re already perceived as people who have “too much” beauty. if you ever meet anyone like that, then FUCK THEM. they’re wanting to shame you just because they feel like they could never reach your level of beauty, and you’re making it harder for them to compete in their imaginary competition with you (unbeknownst to you) by making yourself more beautiful??? girl…👀

men who are intimidated by your beauty will also try to say slick shit about your clothes, your hair, or something about your physical appearance. you know when insecure men feel like you’re out of their league, so they have to try to “humble” you by negging you or some shit? they assume that you’re used to people treating you like you’re the prettiest/most attractive person in the room, so they have to be the one person who tries to bring you down because they’ve ASSUMED that you usually get put up on a pedestal. a pedestal that makes you unreachable to them.

^ you’ll probably experience this from women too who are in competition with you, but when it comes from men, it’s because they’re attracted to you but they feel like you wouldn’t be attracted to them. it’s coming from that perceived rejection that insecure men can never handle correctly 😂

your ability to dress in the way that you wanted to and to have the aesthetic that you wanted was also suppressed. that may be why you’re never happy with the clothes that you have. because they don’t actually resonate with you.

lilith in this sign/house denotes a very dark aesthetic, or one that just rebels against the ‘normal’ way of dressing and doing your makeup (or lack thereof) or your hair. so when you don’t embrace that, you’re going to have an issue with the way that you look. a dissatisfaction more than anything.

^ anybody else experience being treated like you were the biggest ‘slut’ for even showing a tiny bit of skin? you could wear a crop top and people will look at you like you stepped out of the house butt naked.

lilith in taurus or the 2nd house always reminds me of sex workers too. people who use their sexuality to gain personal income. or people who use a sexual aesthetic to make money. think of certain types of instagram models, dominatrix work (especially financial dominatrixes), strippers, etc. i feel like lilith in scorpio/8th house is more of an indication of sex work that involves actually having sex with clients for money (like prostitution). whereas lilith in taurus/2nd house is moreso using the aesthetics and image of being sexual to make money. i hope that makes sense 😂

[milesandcorysupermacy]

"Infection"

Miles!42 x Black!Reader

Genre: Enemies-to-lovers, Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Cursing

Summary: Miles is known as the school playboy, he's flirty, athletic, and attractive. Everyone wants (and has) a peice of him. But, how do you react when the one boy you're told to stay away from is falling for you? Do you do the same, or reject him?(maybe even a little bit of both?)

---------------------x-o-x-o---------------------

Now, Miles Gonzalo Morales was NOT the true definition of a playboy. When you think of a playboy, you usually think of a guy who just uses women as a number to add to their body count. Or, someone who just cheats on women left and right. But, that's not him.

You see, Miles just couldn't find someone who could relate to him or be on his level. He's been in about 10 relationships within the past year, but not for the reason people think. Every girl he dated was just boring, nobody could truly connect with him and that further deepened his loneliness. They all just wanted him for his looks, but never truly knew anything about him. So, he just kept leaving them. But, that didn't quite help his case.

I mean, a pretty boy who dates a girl for no longer than 2 months and leaves them? How does that look? And it didn't quite help that he had gained a nickname from this, 'Month Morales'. You had heard everything about him and his little reputation, some of the girls he was with even calling him a manipulator for making them think he liked them. There was a clear narrative to stay VERY far away from 'Month Morales' But, how could you do that when he couldn't leave you alone?

You were walking out of your last period for the day, the hallways crowded from everyone trying to rush out of the Visions high school. You were almost at the door, almost! And then...

"Ayo, Y/n! C'mere."

You heard the most annoying, gut wrenching, slow, dumb, stupid, DRAINING voice in the world. Miles Morales. You turn around with a stern tone and eye roll as he smirks from you listening to his command.

"Look, Morales. I don't have time for your bullshit, I just wanna go to my dorm and crash. Ok? So can you just leave me the hell alone for once?"

You said with your arms crossed and a death glare. But, this mother fucker remains unfazed. Instead of just apologizing or walking away like a normal person, he tempts you. He walks toward you, getting so close that you could feel his breath on your face. You wanted to push him, punch him, yell at him, tell him to back up, or even just walk away yourself. But, you couldn't do that.

There was just something that had you so addicted, maybe it was the forbiddance of it all? Or maybe it was just that you found him so handsome? He had that stupid smile on his face and a glisten in his eyes. But, no! You don't even like him! No! Absolutely not! You had to let him know that he can't just flash a smile and get any girl he wants! You were not gonna be a ploy in Morales' game.

"You know that's not what you want, mama."

He said with immense eye contact. Making you feel small, flustered. There was a feeling in your stomach that you've never had before. You kept your facade up and answered, sternly.

"How would you know what I want?

He softly chuckled and said...

"Because, if you truly wanted me to leave you alone..."

He trailed off and whispered in your ear.

"Why haven't you walked away yet?"

He then cocked his head to the side, waiting for your response. You genuinely didn't have one, why haven't you walked away? It's not like you couldn't, there was a clear path behind you. The door was open, and you just stood there looking like an idiot. You truly didn't know what to say, so you just shook your head, rolled your eyes, and turned around, heading to the exit. Miles had the cheesiest grin on his face, shouting from where you left him as you walked out the door.

"You'll realize that we're meant for each other soon enough!"

You sighed and shook you head as you grabbed onto your backpack straps. You walked over to the dorm building and took the elevator to your shared room with your friend, Sofia. She was already inside, due to her not being stopped by an annoying boy who won't leave her alone. You sighed as you set your stuff down in the corner of the room. She glanced up from her book, reading the pages assigned for homework.

"Hey, what took you so long?"

She questioned

"There was a...incident."

She smirked, cocking an eyebrow. She was immediately intrigued and placed her bookmark in her book, shutting it.

"Oh, a teenage boy by the name of Miles Morales related incident?"

You sighed, sitting in the rolling chair by the desk.

"That would be the one."

She smirked, sitting up and facing you. You rolled your eyes playfully.

"And was there any way that you could've prevented this incident?"

Your eyes grew wide from the question.

"Well...I mean...maybe...but like could I really have prevented it? He was so close to my face how-"

"Close to your face?! Did you guys kiss?"

"Wha-? No! Of course no-"

"Well then what's he doing so close to your face?"

"I dunno, I mean he's just weird like tha-"

"He totally likes you."

"No! He doesn't like me, he just likes to embarrass me. Which is why I don't like him eith-"

"I never asked you if you liked him, are you getting defensive?"

"No! I-"

"You totally are."

"Why would I be defensive?"

"Because you like him."

"I don't!"

There's a knock on the door that interrupts the whole rapid conversation. You thankfully sigh, getting up to open the door. Once you do, you nearly gasp in shock from who it is.

"Hey, mami."

-----------☆--------☆--------☆----------------

[storiesofsvu]

Decadent Desires Ch 20

Emily Prentiss x reader warning: language, alcohol, smut mentioned. i think thats about it? 4.7k

Salt Lake City was boring, tedious even with little to nothing to keep your brain occupied as you sat through meeting after meeting, several interviews, and public statements. It was a walk in the park type of excursion for Heather, supporters already wooed, state governors already in her pocket, it was as if she was just visiting a bunch of old friends and family. You honestly weren’t even sure what she needed you there for, Cynthia was there, her PA had tagged along now that they were back from vacation, you easily could have done your job through the internet from the comfort of your couch and not had to cancel on Emily. Your phone ended up holding your attention for most of the day and most of that wasn’t actually work related. After exhausting all your brain power on what she could possibly want you on there was only one thing left on your mind.

Which is why when you got back from dinner you stepped out of your heels and wandered through the adjoining door to her hotel room.

“That was practically torture.” You grumbled as you padded through her room.

Heather had her back to you, her phone in her hands as she shot of a couple of texts, a small laugh escaping her lips, “and here I was thinking you would enjoy that caviar flight.”

“I’ve had fresher.” You replied with a huff, “and I meant the whole day not just dinner.”

She chuckled again, removing her earrings, placing them down for safe keeping, “no wonder you were so distracted, you spent more than half of it on your phone.” She finally turned to face you.

“I was simply killing time.” You stated with a shrug, the strap of your dress falling past your shoulder, “and now we’re here…” you cocked a brow in her direction and her lips pursed for a moment.

“Wait.” Her fingers reached out, neatly pulling the strap of your dress back over your shoulder, smoothing the fabric over your skin and she could feel the way you nearly tensed under her touch.

“Wait, what?” You dropped down onto the edge of her bed, suddenly feeling rather self conscious, “you need to take a call or something?”

“No, but I think you might have some thinking to do.”

“I’m confused.”

“We don’t need to do this.”

“We always do this,” you replied, your brows furrowing. It wasn’t that you were hurt or even disappointed, honestly you were a little too tired for her usual level of exertion. You were just incredibly perplexed, “it’s almost like a …tradition or something by now.”

“Sweetheart, know that I am definitely not turning you down,” she started, her hand gently pinching at your chin, “but are you sure you even want to fuck me right now? Or is this purely out of habit?”

Your lips parted as if you had something ready to say to her when your head tilted and your mouth shut once again, your lips pressed against each other tightly as you thought it over. You looked back up at her, your head still tilted as you surveyed her.

“Have you finally hit menopause?”

Heather gawked, barking out a laugh as she stepped towards the mini bar, plucking two of the mini goblets of wine and passing one to you. “Why on earth would you assume that?”

“I ‘ve known you over twenty years and you don’t turn down sex.”

A small grin took over her lips as she stepped back towards you, “I do when the other person is taken.”

“I’m not”—

She cut you off with a look and you were even more confused when her fingers slipped into the neckline of your dress, knuckles brushing your chest as she tugged it down and a sudden blush took over your cheeks.

“Maybe not by a label, but you are covered in possessive marks. Three that I can see on your tits, one that you’ve done a decent job covering up on your neck and I’m not even sure I want to know what I’ll find on your thighs.” She let the fabric spring back into its proper place, and you felt a little less exposed, shifting in your seat you could still feel the ache between your thighs.

“You’re over thinking things Heat, we had a rough session. I told her to be rough, to bite harder, she was just doing what I asked.”

“Possibly.” She unscrewed the wine, taking a sip, “but I think when it comes down to it, Emily Prentiss isn’t an idiot. She’s a profiler no matter what situation she’s in, it’s what comes naturally. She saw that bracelet, heard the teasing and jokes about how much it cost and your winter bonus after we’d been out of town and put two and two together that we fucked that week.”

You let out a tired sigh, your hand brushing over your face before you cracked your own drink to take a swig, “the literal teeth marks you left on my leg probably didn’t help.”

“Those should have healed by the weekend.”

“I saw her the night we got back.” You looked up to her with another groan, “and she knows I had blood taken that day…”

“And now she knew that we were travelling again and wanted to leave a little reminder. Whether for you or me, that’s still up for debate.” She chuckled, “it might not be jealousy, but I know how to read a situation and that’s what’s coming off right now. I highly doubt she wants to share anymore.”

“She always said she never wanted strings.” You shrugged, “I was just playing by the rules of the contract.”

“Contracts can always be ripped up,” she noted, “but that’s not important. What is, is what do you want.”

Looking up at her you were surprised when nothing instantly came to your mouth, instead gaping at her as your brain tried to unscramble all of the wires. You knew you enjoyed sex with Emily, that you enjoyed your time with her and certainly wouldn’t complain about more. Tony’s arguments had already been lingering in your brain all week, hell, you’d spent most of the day smiling at your phone like an idiot texting Emily about how bored you were.

Heather burst you out of your bubble back to reality when she tapped her finger to the tip of your nose, a knowing grin on her lips.

“My point exactly. You don’t spend a week and a half in the Maldives with someone and not fall for them. Especially with how incredibly sappy you get over the damn ocean. What I find puerile she likely finds endearing.”

“Sorry, what?”

This time the gentle poke landed on your forehead, “you’re smart. Now use that brain of yours to figure it out. You’ve been doing this arrangement for a while now, maybe it’s time to pull the plug. What direction you choose to go in after that is up to you and I think you already know. I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you at this point.” Her fingers fiddled with your earlobe, “you’ve been wearing those since you came back.”

“Huh…” you clucked your tongue, your own fingers replacing hers as you toyed with the starfish earring.

“Now go,” she swatted at your side, handing you the mini wine she’d taken a sip out of, “rack up a mini bar charge and do some thinking. Lord knows you didn’t use your brain for anything today but texting.”

You let out a mock scoff as you shuffled from the room, knowing that the comment was in jest, but made sure to swipe another drink from her fridge before you stepped back into your own room. Before you could even circle back and ask the original question, she was already a step ahead of you.

“And I brought you on this trip because we have brunch with the governor tomorrow and she’s got a soft spot for you. Thinks I’m too harsh or something, thought maybe you could warm her up.”

Right. There it was.

**

Over in DC, Emily was nearly in the same boat as you, although she’d already done her thinking about how she felt, it didn’t take a mastermind to realize that she had feelings. Feelings that were more than just sexual. If she had still been struggling with that last week, it was made pretty clear to her when the rage of jealousy surged through her at even the thought of DiNozzo managing to sleep with you. As the days crept by, she had finally accepted that the trip to the Maldives had been to get one up on Heather, to prove that something like that and the quality time that came along with it was worth far more than a stupid bracelet. A bracelet she hadn’t seen since, and on top of that, in every cute picture you’d sent her since coming home you’d been wearing the earrings she bought for you. Earrings that meant a hell of a lot more than a price tag.

Still, there shouldn’t have been any reason for her to still be closed in her office when it was pushing eleven pm.

Except that she didn’t want to go home. Home meant quiet, too quiet, too personal, too much space for her thoughts to start to get lost in. That meant seeing the toothbrush that belonged to you next to hers when she went to wash her face, the mini bottle of skin care tucked in a corner of her basin. It meant noticing that you’d left a sweater strewn over the back of her couch, a novel you were halfway through forgotten on her coffee table that would bring back the memory of you curled up on a chilly Sunday morning with a cup of coffee completely engrossed in the story while she slept in. It meant tossing and turning when she couldn’t sleep and ending up grabbing the other pillow only for the scent of your shampoo to invade her nose and keep her up all night until she spewed off some sappy revealing middle of the night text to you.

All things considered; work sounded like the safer option.

She was going back and fourth between a handful of casefiles, trying to figure out which one deemed priority once they wrapped their current one (or NCIS decided they could oversee the closing on their own). Take out sat relatively untouched to her side, at the very least she’d eaten the spring rolls and fortune cookie and there was no way she was getting through tonight without sneaking a coffee mug full of wine. The building was relatively quiet, and she thought she was alone until there was a knock on her door and she jolted upright, looking across the room to find DiNozzo lingering in the doorway.

He muttered an apology, crossing the room to add another file to her inbox as he ran through what he’d found. Emily could have sworn she was listening, she could hear his voice, she was processing the information, her brain already figuring out how to approach everything with the rest of the team in the morning, what kind of homework it likely meant for her and Garcia. Tony watched as she scribbled something down on a post it, sticking it to her computer monitor and started to step out of the room, half wondering if she was listening at all. She kept glancing towards her phone, poking the screen as if she was expecting a call, like phantom vibrations were going off and pulling her attention. He mumbled something about leaving, that she should probably head home soon too and she made a noise in his direction as her eyes fell to her phone again, this time swiping it open to her messenger app before letting out a soft sigh. He had made it all the way to the door by the time her voice rang through the office clear as day.

“Hey, what time is it in Salt Lake right now?”

“Uh…” He pulled his wrist up, studying his watch, “they’re two hours behind us so… eight fifty three?”

Emily let out a hum of sorts, her fingers prodding at her phone again as if she expected it to jump to life out of nowhere. As much as Tony wanted to get out of there, a movie and a cold beer calling his name, he knew that look of longing too much, hand faltering on the doorjamb as he pulled himself back into her office.

“You know, those political dinners, they’re insane, entire theatre productions from start to finish.” He waved his hand for exaggeration, “it doesn’t matter how fast anyone wants them done with, someone’s gonna order every single course and one of every dessert, they drag on for hours.” He glanced down to her phone screen, “she’s probably out rubbing elbows pretending she knows how to smoke a cigar.”

“Huh?” Emily’s attention was finally pulled from her thoughts and she looked up at the man, a near concerned look written across her face and he sighed softly, daring to step further into her office.

“Listen, I know this isn’t exactly my place, and I’m definitely not a profiler, but I’m still an investigator…”

“Go on…” She folded her arms in front of her, elbows propped on her desk.

“This is about Walton and Heather being out of town together again, right?”

“She’s out of town, that doesn’t bother me.”

“But you found out about their… extracurriculars…” He offered, cautiously sitting down in a chair across from her desk and she let out a small huff, her eyes darting over to her phone for a second to avoid the question.

“Yeah.”

Tony’s head nodded, biting his lip for a second as he debated just how much of a verbal lashing he could get for something like this, “and you’re not a fan of that, so you’re sitting here still pretending to work rather than going home to relax because you know once you do you won’t be able to think of anything except that and that sounds even worse.”

Emily’s eyes snapped from her phone up to Tony as she jumped back into the conversation that was actually happening rather than the thoughts flying around in her head and her eyes narrowed, casting him a look so hard that he nearly gulped.

“I’m in my office late all the time.” She attempted to justify, “maybe you wouldn’t get it but as a team leader there is literally always something to do, another problem to solve another case to dwell over.”

“Yeah but it isn’t all about work, you’ve gotta have something to distract yourself.”

“I did—I- ac- do!” She tried to hide her flub but the smirk on his lips was telling that he already caught it and she groaned, praying her cheeks weren’t visibly heated, “c’mon. What does Gibbs do?”

“Builds boats in his garage.”

“Miniatures?”

“Full sized. In sailable condition.”

“Huh…” Emily’s head titled, her brow furrowing as her gaze drifted out the window, silence taking over the room for a moment before she spoke again, “how does he get them out?”

“No one knows.” He shrugged.

“Huh…”

Tony chuckled, letting her try to figure it out for a minute before shoving his nose back into her business, “listen, I know it’s not my place at all, but I do know her pretty well and I know she really likes spending time with you. She can be a bit of an enigma and that’s only gotten more intense the longer she’s worked the job she has, having to play pretend and like she’s best friends with half those douchebags when in reality she doesn’t let a lot of people in… ever.”

“And what? I’m ‘the one who’s different’?” Emily nearly scoffed as her fingers made air quotes around the words, pulling a small laugh out of DiNozzo.

“Considering the amount of crap you have lying around her apartment, yeah.” His lips curved up into a grin at her surprised reaction, “she likes you. And she’s reasonable. You wanna change whatever agreement you have, I’m sure she’ll be up for it.”

“Yeah?” She raised a brow, an unsettling feeling in her gut as her eyes dropped to her phone once again, still utterly void of notifications, “and if she comes home with teeth marks again?”

“From what I’ve heard you left some pretty impressive bruises yourself.” It slipped out of his mouth before he even realized and Emily made an unintelligible noise before blushing, sinking deeper into her chair. “Besides, Heather is the last of your worries, okay? She’s never going to be a threat, she’s married, always will be and always has a string of other mistresses, that isn’t long term for anyone and it was always incredibly casual between them. But that doesn’t mean that someone else won’t come along, take it from me, you’re gonna wanna say something before it’s too late.”

A sparkle flashed through Emily’s eyes, a sneaky grin taking over her lips as she shifted gears, “yeah? Ziva get a boyfriend?”

“Arrrhhhh!” Tony let out a frustrated groan as he pulled himself up from the chair, stomping his feet in a little tantrum, pouting when he turned back to her, “she went on a daaaaaate.”

“Then buck up and take your own advice DiNozzo.” She laughed and he huffed.

“Fine.” Grumbling he made his way back to the door before he suddenly turned back, “can I ask one last thing?”

“Sure.”  She figured the least she could do was humour him at this point.

“Do you guys have some kinda Pretty Woman rule going on?”

“What?” Her brow furrowed as she let out a laugh, “DiNozzo come on, I thought you of all people would have put t together by now. Yeah, I take her on dates, gift her cash, she… compensates otherwise.”

“No.” He chuckled, “have you seen the movie?”

“Not in about a million years.”

“Julia Roberts character has this thing, she doesn’t kiss her clients, especially on the lips, it’s too intimate, too personal.”

“Okay…” The confused expression remained on her face, having no clue what he was getting at.

“Think about it. When you greet each other, or say good bye, is it an actual kiss greeting, one of the more casual cheek kisses? Are there those longing goodbye kisses where you can’t let go of the other person because you don’t want to leave, or is it brief and that lingering feeling’s like, tickling away under your skin instead?”

“I…” Emily’s gaze dropped, thinking through as many of your interactions as she could. It made sense that any greetings were impersonal, they were usually in public, everything had been kept on a strict business level of communication when you’d first started. You barely kissed on the mouth in more intimate moments. “Huh…”

“See?” Tony stepped backwards toward the door, “movie magic, always a truth to it. Next time you see her? Kiss her. Really kiss her. Because if anything it’ll help you realize that you never want to let her go.”

“I think you might spend a little bit too much time watching romance movies.” She laughed.

“Really?” He raised a brow, “then prove me wrong.”

**

You were sitting on your hotel bed, phone twirling around between your hands as you stared at whatever the television was playing. You’d spent far too long in the shower trying to clear your head, using every single toiletry they had before drying yourself off with the fluffiest towel and putting on your pyjamas. Sinking against the headboard you’d drifted off to a field of memories, the visions replaying in your mind as you ignored the television. When those weren’t enough you’d opened the photo gallery on your phone, scrolling through the assortment of pictures, mainly ones from the Maldives, too many of the ocean to even count.

The door between your rooms remained unlocked, cracked open so you could still bother each other. Heather had assumedly gotten an email or update about the morning, knocking briefly before swinging the door open. She stayed perched in the doorway, letting you have your space while she rambled on. She stopped suddenly, looking up from her phone to catch you staring into space, your eyes completely unfocused.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Huh?” You looked up, blinking a few times as you returned to earth.

“What is going on in that pretty little head?” Heather asked, relaxing against the doorjamb as her arms crossed over her chest, “I leave you for a couple of hours and your zonked out? Talk to me.”

You let out a tired huff, swiping the mini wine bottle from the nightstand and draining it in one go, “how am I supposed to do this?”

“Do what?” Her voice was softer than you’d expected it, the more maternal side of her beginning to come out.

“Shift from being a sugar baby to… more…” When you looked up at her there was a level of hesitancy she had never seen behind your eyes.

“Just tell her you want to end the arrangement, gauge her response, readjust and go from there.” She replied, as if it was easy as placing a coffee order.

“I dunno…” your eyes dropped, “I mean, all I’ve heard are the horror stories of girls crying on your doorstep being nearly pathetic cause they want more. Hell, I’ve witnessed that Heather. It doesn’t exactly look like a fun time.”

“You’re overthinking. And you’re worried.” The other woman’s face fell at the way you started picking at your cuticles.

“Obviously.” You let out an unsure laugh before looking up at her, “I mean, c’mon. She’s a fucking profiler, there’s no way that she hasn’t figured me out yet, even if it took me longer. She reads body language for a living and if she wanted to have more she would have said something already.” You took another swig of wine, “I let you and Tony get under my skin, let you plant ideas in my head and now it’s all I can think about. I can’t focus, I haven’t gotten a single piece of work done and I…”

“Oh sweetheart…” Heather’s voice softened once again, moving through the room to perch on the foot of the bed.

“What?” You asked dryly, looking up at her.

“You’re not just worried, you’re scared.”

“Well…” you gestured vaguely and let out a huff, “it all seems kind of ridiculous. I mean, have you ever felt like this? Been this confused?”

“Of course.” She chuckled.

“But you’re so… distant, cold even. You’ve got all these rules and they’re strict.”

“What a pleasant way of calling me a bitch.” She teased with a smirk and you rolled your eyes, “I had those kind of feelings and internal panic when I first started dating my husband.” She let that sink in, “which is why you shouldn’t think about or compare anything that has ever happened with me and a sugar baby, because its not the same.”

“What’d you mean?”

“They’re never long term.” Her head shook, “It’s all about the business, the transaction and as you said, I keep extremely strict lines. Yours have started to blur. Emily’s not married, she’s not committed to anyone else and neither are you, it’s easy to start to slip out of whatever boundaries you previously set, especially if you like each other. What started out as an arrangement sometimes does turn into something real, and while I haven’t really seen the two of you together I can definitely understand why it would work out so I think it’s worth a shot.”

You sighed, and Heather frowned at how dejected you looked in that moment, “I dunno….”

She squeezed at your hand, “you’re all caught up in your head thinking about all the things that could go terribly wrong, but hear me out… what if they go right?”

Heather didn’t give you time to reply, rather she leant in, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your head before sweeping from the room, the adjoining door swinging shut behind her and you heard the click of the lock shutting.

**

Emily finally dragged herself out of the office after DiNozzo’s visit, try as she might to get a little bit more work done, she now found that his words kept repeating themselves through her brain. If she couldn’t focus on anything, she may as well be able to do it in the comfort of her own home and definitely without her bra digging into her ribcage.

She poured a glass of wine, taking her first sip as she stared out the windows, sweeping across the view and let out a soft sigh. It felt like not that long ago she was standing in the same spot trying to figure out what was missing from her life. Now she knew exactly what she was missing, she missed you, missed your weekly dates that had become more frequent over time. Spending time with you made her happy, you made her happy, wasn’t that what she had wanted in the first place? Happiness? Someone to spend time with that made her heart sing? She huffed out a laugh, maybe that was a little too over the top. She’d wanted someone to spend her time with that made it enjoyable, that brought out a different side to her than the one who worked constantly. You just so happened to be that for her. You also just happened to be the one who was across the country not thinking about her at all while you were the only thing she could think of.

“Fuck..” She whispered softly, dropping her gaze from the window as she sulked towards the living room to drop down on the couch.

She was jealous.

And she absolutely hated that.

You weren’t technically hers, you had both agreed on your limitations, on what was okay outside of your agreement and until the two of you had time to revisit that, she had no real right to be feeling like this. Her free hand twitched and her eyes darted back to the kitchen cupboard she had a pack of cigarette’s stashed for times just like this. She took another swig of wine, nearly draining the glass in an attempt to clog her thoughts, about to stand up when her phone buzzed on the coffee table.

She was genuinely surprised to see a message from you flash across the screen. While you had been texting pretty regularly throughout the afternoon, the moment dinner time hit had been nothing but radio silence. She picked it up, swiping open the thread.

‘God, remind me to never take a SLC trip again. I’ve never been so bored in my life. We’ve got a pit stop in Kansas City on the way but I should be back in DC in time for a late dinner tomorrow… if you’re interested?’

Her heart leapt in her throat and she had to try to resist immediately typing out every little feeling that was flying through her brain in the moment. Instead, she took a breath, finished the last of her wine and replied with something easy.

‘I’d love that.’

She got up, moving toward the kitchen, though the thought of a smoke was far gone from her brain now, she just figured another glass of wine wouldn’t hurt.

‘You better not still be at the office.’

The warning text came through with a playful emoji to make sure she knew you were teasing. She smiled softly, snapping a picture of the wine glass with the view in the background and sending it back to you. It didn’t take long for your next message to come through.

‘Good. But it’s late. Make sure you get some rest tonight.’

‘You too.’

Emily felt her shoulders drop as she let out a breath, moving back to the couch sans cigarettes to finish her wine with a feeling of hope resting in her chest.

_________________

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[redwinewhiteroses]

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Masterlist

...Images numbered from left to right...

[ Image 1 ]

Your person might be going through a lot in life right now. It seems that they might be dealing with ups and downs relating to their career, education or other areas of their life. For some you might be experiencing some kind of hardship in your relationship. It's like as if they are sailing the rough seas or facing some issues. They are trying to keep their head above the water literally. They are trying to balance all areas of their life while trying to have more control of the circumstances that are currently happening in their lives. They feel like they don't have enough for themselves or to provide for you. There's this lack or scarcity mindset about not being able to give or receive enough. They are hopeful about the future and definitely tries to see the long term and as of now there isn't much action from their part. Your relationship might be facing some sort of stagnation due to your person's personal hardships. Things might not be going as this person has hoped and there's some delay or lack of fulfillment they are feeling. This person might have a vision that is taking too long to come into fruition. I'm also seeing they are contemplating making a choice about something whether it is moving on from a situation that is no longer serving them or trying to change their ways so better results can occur. I think this person believes you have treated them fairly and they definitely want to do right by you. This could be a new relationship for some or this might be a relationship that hasn't taken off the ground. For those of you who has a solid relationship, your partner may even be thinking about taking your relationship to the next level or considering commitment but worried they don't have all the resources they need in order to do it as they hope. They want to do it right. They just might lack the resources needed but they will eventually come up with an offer of commitment or otherwise. But as of now, they are incredibly busy juggling all the responsibilities in their life. I think your person is very much focussed in achieving balance and trying to do the right thing and trying to be more decisive in taking the right actions. As of now, your person isn't in the feels or trying not to think too much about it. Definitely more logical than emotional. Lastly I would say to have patience and to try to be more optimistic if things aren't going exactly the way you want. Self care might help. That's all I'm seeing for my dear pile ones.

Random messages :  Heartbreak, Burden, Too much, Break, Beachside, Saturn, Ask and you'll have it, Soul's desire, Think gain, Gentle monster, One more round, Why do you avoid me?, Nourishment, Milk and honey, I think I know something, Honeymoon

Songs : Exile - Taylor Swift

                2U - Justin Bieber

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so there were multiple circumstances comimg through. Can be different for everyone but this has been the overall energy.

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[ Image 2 ]

Your person might be quite adventurous and lively and even possess childlike qualities or lighthearted energy in general. Your person feels excited and there are budding passionate feelings for sure. But at the same time they may feel the like there's not much depth in the relationship or for some of you there own feelings may be quite surface level and not so rooted as of now. Feels like there is something that is getting in the way of you two developing a deeper connection. They might feel like something's missing or there could be a lack of clarity. They may be feeling a bit suspicious maybe because there's sparing feelings or they are feeling deceived by their own feelings. They could feel like they can't be fully themselves around you or they might feel like putting a mask or hiding certain aspects about themselves. For some of you, this person could even be a bit deceitful or unfaithful or they might already be in a relationship with someone else and the passionate feelings they have been developing for you could be from a place of dishonesty as well (This message is only for a very few of you.) And for others this could mean that they are a bit hesitant to validate their feelings because they are scared to make a choice. They could have one foot in one foot out thinking that either will bring about negative consequences. Some might not want to commit because they might be unwilling to make a sacrifice, so they could appear a bit sneaky. There could be a choice to make between love or friendship. This could be a workplace situation for some of you. You might have complimentary energies as well. They could feel like you are deceiving them, but they could also be feeling like they are deceiving you despite the complimentary energy you both share. Your person might be really attracted to you, might also be inspired by you in some way. They may be more receptive to you than usual and really impressed by you. You could be working together as a team or workplace vibes again. But they might be very passive and they might not want to do anything about these feelings is what is coming through. They might feel like these feelings aren't going anywhere but at the same time they feel like they cannot be honest. Their hands are tied in some way. They might not want to initiate anything with you fearing something will go wrong and they kinda fear taking responsibility. This could be a dynamic with a boss or an employee even a coworker for some of you. They might not be very communicative and conceal and sweep their feelings under the rug. They might feel like the ball is in your court. I think it's important to be more cautious if there's any deception going on here and to safeguard your own feelings. Also good communication will help clear any doubts regarding this relationship. All in all they feel lighthearted passion for you and might feel like it's not too deep or something's missing. They might feel like they cannot be themselves around you. They might see you as a good companion and really attracted to you and inspired by you but they feel like they cannot do much about it even if they wanted to. That's all for for group twos.

Random messages : Passion, I wish you well, Stop wanting/Act like it/Act for it, Warm embrace, Holiday, Eat up, Under the moonlight, Gentleman, Starlight/Aquarius/Fame, Diabolical, Aphrodite, Princess

Songs : Afterglow - Ed Sheeran

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so there were multiple circumstances comimg through. Can be different for everyone but this has been the overall energy.

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[ Image 3 ]

Oh what can I say group three, this energy is awesome. Your person is so much in their feels having butterflies in their stomach whenever they see you. They have very very deep emotional feelings for you and you might already be aware of that. For some of you, this person might have a fat crush on you, and you might not know yet since they haven't told you yet. Your person could be very energetic, confident and pretty straightforward and even lovey dovey. I'm seeing they are definitely impatient and restless and when they want something, they want it right away. A bit ruthless if you will. I think they know you are the one for them and they are super driven to make things work between the two of you. They might be vocal about their feelings  for you and might be really passionate and emotional when speaking them through words. They really have a soft spot in their heart for you. A true romantic at heart. They feel loved and supported by you, and they feel nurturing and compassionate towards you. They care deeply and want the best for you. Literally want to see you happy. You might be a healing presence in their life. If you are not in a relationship with this person yet, they are pretty determined to win you over. Your person might be really attractive and very charming for sure. I think your person is too much in their feelings to the point they feel trapped lol. They feel like they are blinded by their love for you. Or you might make them feel weak on their knees. They feel kinda vulnerable ngl. I think that's because of the intensity of their feelings they think you have wrapped them around your finger. For some of you, this person might fear getting hurt by you, or think that it's inevitable since they've fallen head over heels for you. They can't stop thinking about you and they feel too much intensely. Also they might be in love with the idea of love and might have unrealistic expectations from love due to which they feel quite suffocated. May even be trapped in a fantasy in love for some of you. They feel like you are their wish come true and there is an abundance of cheerful and sweet romantic feelings. You definitely bring so much joy into their lives my dear group threes. I think they have this desire to spend more time together with you. Your person might even show you off to their loved ones. They are grateful for the connection between you and they are really happy to do life with you. Like it's their wish come true to be working with you on creating something. Maybe creating a stable foundation for an even stronger relationship with you. For some of you, y'all might be collaborating with them on something. You boost their self confidence and they really love that about you. They are excited to see where your relationship can go. They think you two are better together as a couple than separate individuals. You might bring the best in each other. They trust you and there's mutual respect between the two of you. There are so much tender feelings they have for you, they literally would do anything to make you happy, to see you smile. Honestly this pile makes my heart so happy.

Random messages : Carry your heart with you, Aphrodite, Rubies and Pearls, Mystic, What do you want?, Too much to ask, It's all happening right now, Forest retreat, Lovely voice, Deep dive, Boss baby, I want more

Songs : Dandelions - Ruth B.

Those eyes - New West

Hope this resonates. This is a collective reading so take what resonates.

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[ Image 4 ]

Your person definitely has strong feelings and feel a lot of passion for you. There might have been some issues in your relationship, minor ones, or a lack of clarity. Your person wants to have some clear communication with you so you both can have a better relationship. They might not reach out immediately but they're definitely contemplating talking things out with you. Some of you might even be recovering from a breakup from this person or you might currently be in separation with them. They do want to reach out to have more clarity but I see them being rather rash or reckless so you might have to be mindful of how you communicate and arrive at a resolution. For those of you who are not yet in a relationship with them yet, I think they are feeling like their hands are tied due to some issues keeping you guys apart from each other or there's a choice to make about friendship or love and they fear that either choice will bring about negative consequences. They feel quite helpless if that's the case but also definitely very dedicated to communicate and overcome them some time in the future so you both could arrive at a better place. Their feelings for you are changing in a more positive direction right now, however they are mutable and changing. Although they have positive feelings, they are hot and cold and they might think differently time to time. They have sweet, deep and nurturing feelings for you. They care a lot about you and there's really good emotional understanding between the two of you. They want to see you happy and they are so supportive of you. For some of you this person might want some sort of commitment with you, be it marriage or wanting to take your relationship to the next level. Or they want to celebrate you, all of you. They feel like your relationship is fated and it was just meant to be. For those of you recovering from a breakup or in separation with this person, they might have the intention to reconcile but it's volatile and they haven't fully made up their mind about it right now but overall things have started to change. They might even be observing you. For some this could be a karmic connection and it could be a good one or a rather challenging one. They feel that you complete them in a deep way. You make them feel secure. They definitely see you fitting into their long-term vision of the future. These feelings are a bit changeable but right now they're really positive and any outcomes can be promising. For existing relationships there could've been a situation where they felt vulnerable and had to make a choice that required a sacrifice. Or they wanted a deeper level of commitment and they were disappointed it didn't happen the way they expected. This person have been resisting their feelings or change because they made them feel quite vulnerable. There's this feeling of them feeling trapped due to some reason. This can be interpreted in many ways. There's many situations here so take what resonates. I'm seeing it's different for everyone here. I think they have deep emotional and romantic feelings for you even sexual. Recently they might have had some clarity or they might soon have better understanding about whatever this situation is. They definitely want to initiate conversation and just come clean about everything. Probably they want to just pour all their emotions and feelings on to the table for you to see. I see them wanting you to see and validate their feelings for them. I think for some of you this person might be obsessive or pretty possessive about you. They are pretty impulsive about their feelings for you. They romanticize you for sure and really have tender and potent feelings  for you. They probably want to confess their feelings for you.

That's all I'm seeing for my dear group fours. I hope you try to gain clarity if you and your person have been having issues. There's a lot of feelings here so I think you'll emerge victorious despite obstacles. Arriving at a common ground and talking things through will definitely help. Meanwhile try to be mindful about what you really want and get to know yourself better so you can love yourself and others better. Listen to your heart and strive for a healthy balance between emotions and logic. And be positive. All will be well.

Random messages : Clarity, Nourishment/Moon/Gentle/Mother, Have fun, What you think you want, Heaven and Earth, Babies, Mystic, Some other time, Try again, Honeymoon, I want more, Caramel, All mine, Milk and Honey, Repeating cycles, Wedding bells

Songs : I wanna be yours - Arctic Monkeys

[fangswbenefits]

Breaking Point

𓂅 𓄹 Summary: You’ve teased Miguel beyond his already thin breaking point, and now you’re left to deal with the consequences.

𓂅 𓄹 Pairing: Miguel O’hara - spider-woman/reader

𓂅 𓄹 Warnings: 18+!!! Possessive and jealous Miguel. Love bites featuring his fangs. Sexual tension. Dark Miguel.

𓂅 𓄹 Word count: 932

Thanks to @sapphire-and-ruby for the request! Screenshot below.

“Oh, bloody hell… he’s starin’ at us.”

You didn’t have to ask who Hobie was referring to, because you knew. Everyone knew. Besides, your heightened senses had long alerted you to his presence.

Miguel O’hara.

You twirled the straw inside your spider-man themed tall glass and took a sip. “That’s his problem.”

Hobie, however, didn’t share the sentiment and clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Yeah, and he’s gonna make it everyone’s problem now.”

“Relax, Hobie,” you waved your hand dismissively, even though you were beaming inside from the sudden attention. “How’s Miles and Gwen?”

Hobie was known to be extremely chill even when the occasion didn’t call for it, but if there was one person he didn’t want to antagonise it was Miguel.

“Yeah… he’s comin’ over,” he said, leaning back on his chair as if the mere fact that he was too close to you was dangerous.

And it could be.

Miguel’s tall frame cast a shadow as he halted by the bar table.

“Can we talk?”

You didn’t even spare a glance at him, and kept smiling endearingly at Hobie who had visibly gone tense.

“Oye, I’m talking to you.”

You took yet another sip and paused before answering. “Is this work related?”

“No.”

“Then it can wait,” you shrugged, knowing fully well Miguel wasn’t going anywhere.

“It can’t.”

“I’m having a conversation with Hobie. Don’t be rude.”

No one would ever dare to talk to Miguel like that, and you took immense pride in knowing you could get away with it.

Or so you thought.

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” he said in his usual flat tone. “Right, Hobie?”

He straightened up really fast in his seat. “Huh… sure, mate! I was just leavin’ anyways. Wanna brush up on…” he adjusted the guitar on his lap as he prepared to take his leave. “… oh! On the rising dangers of capitalism, yeah!”

“Hobie, don’t you dare,” you warned, ready to hold him in place with your webbing if needed. “It’s our day off. Let’s chill.”

The man in front of you froze momentarily, unsure of what to do next.

“Yeah, you lot sort it out,” he ended up saying with a shrug. “I’m out.”

But before he could walk away you shot a thick string of webbing that landed on his guitar. To be honest, you had done it out of pure fun, but no one was laughing.

“Come here, Hobei,” you giggled.

“Oi! Not my guitar!” he huffed in annoyance.

At this point, everyone at the bar had shifted their attention to the rising commotion, and when a flash of red filled your field of vision you knew someone had finally reached their breaking point.

Miguel had cut Hobei free from your grip with his own digital webbing which earned a few gasps from the surrounding crowd.

The spider-punk shot you a final death glare before hauling himself from the ground and disappearing into the distance.

It was your turn to throw Miguel the best murderous look you could conjure. “Happy?”

“Not until you come with me.”

“Where?”

“Somewhere private,” he said, his handsome face twisting into something dark.

You went back to your drink and decided to push him a little further.

“Don’t. Ignore. Me.”

He then wrapped a strong hand around your wrist, careful not to apply too much pressure.

You noticed a few wary glances from those close by. “You’re making a scene.”

“Me?”

You nodded, sticking out your tongue at him, causing him to bare his fangs at you.

Fuck.

Miguel quickly lowered his head so he could level his lips with your ear. “I’m done with you. Come,” he tugged at your wrist, hoping you’d follow his command.

You should know better than to push Miguel O’hara. What he lacked in humour he definitely made up for in jealousy.

He had been circling you for weeks now. Waiting for you to finally give in.

But while he wanted you to fall for his not so subtle advances, you wanted him to crawl for you.

“What if I say no?”

You felt his breath fanning your ear once more. “Do you want to say no?”

Touché.

Truth be told, you didn’t want to admit defeat, but you also didn’t want to draw more attention to yourself.

A secret part of you yearned to know what would happen next.

“Fine,” you shot, unhooking his fingers from you.

You followed him through the exit door, flashing a few reassuring smiles at your fellow spider-men abd spider-women on your way out.

Miguel kept his determined pace in front of you as you both walked down a near deserted street.

As you were about to ask where he was taking you, you felt your body being shoved into an alleyway, before your spider senses could register what was happening.

Miguel O’hara had your back firmly pressed against a cold wall with only the dim light of a nearby neon sign allowing you to see his hardened face.

“What—”

He brought his covered hand to press your lips shut. “I’m done with your fucking teasing.”

Your eyes widened and your heart skipped a few beats as you felt him pressing his toned body against yours, effectively keeping you in place. His free hand gripped your wrist tightly.

“I’m done seeing you pay attention to anyone but me.”

You shuddered at his growl.

“Done seeing you not wanting to be mine.”

You briefly contemplated putting up a fight, but you knew silence could be equally effective.

“You’ve been hanging around Hobei too much,” his face was so close you could almost feel every word hit your skin. “Do you want him?”

Silence.

He removed his hand from your face, expecting a reply.

You gave him a smug smile instead, savouring the heat that radiated from his body. “What if I do?”

His fingers were on your jaw now. “He won’t satisfy you.”

There it was. His pride in full display. You had no doubts Miguel could be an extraordinary lover. All that pent up frustration had to be channelled somewhere.

“You’re too full of yourself, Miguel O’hara.”

His lips nearly brushed yours as his red eyes glowed in the dark. “You want me. I can feel your heartbeat. I know of your desire for me.”

“Really?”

“I can smell it,” he smiled wide, revealing his set of fangs.

He was a predator. His entire DNA had been accidentally modified and gave place to a cunning predator.

At one point, what pinned you against the cold wall wasn’t his physical strength, but rather the weight of his words.

“Let me have you.”

You shut your eyes as you felt his teeth grazing the skin of your neck. A rush of adrenaline made its way down to your clit and you soon felt it pulsing with each flick of his tongue.

“Miguel… I…”

Soon, you felt him instinctively bucking his hips against you and his tight suit left little to the imagination as his cock grew increasingly harder.

The grip on your jaw didn’t waver as he delivered open-mouthed kisses along your neck. You didn’t know what to do with your hands, so you ended up wrapping them along his forearms as if scared your knees might give up on you.

“You’re mine.”

All these weeks managing to keep your desire for him at bay had been for nothing.

“I’m done fucking my hands when I could be fucking you instead,” he growled in between kisses, pressing his clothed cock into you.

He brought one of your hand down his body and in between the two of you.

“Go on,” he nearly hissed. “Feel how hard I get for you.”

He rubbed your palm across his impressive length and you nearly moaned as he brought his lips closer to yours once more.

You wanted to taste him more than ever and tried to close the gap, but he kept you in place.

The heat from his body was suddenly gone and you watched him climb up and away from you.

“What the fuck, Miguel? You’re leaving?!”

He looked down at you, his face twisting into a devious grin. “Now you know how painful it feels.”

[shaunamilfman]

Being Jackie Taylor's controversially young gf

pairing: jackie taylor x reader note: let me be delusional lmaoo

definitely broke up a semi-serious relationship with a man she'd been dating for a year or so when she realized she would have to spend the rest of her life with that guy. In my mind she got really drunk one night at a sorority party and had an “oh, shit” moment and avoided him for two weeks before breaking up with him. 

i see Jackie as a news anchor. honestly, I think it would really fit her. always struck me as a morning person.

meets you at a coffee shop that she has to rush into at the crack of dawn before work. she's so fucking happy and in a good mood that it puts you off at first. like seriously, it's like 6 AM, why is she smiling??

Jackie immediately takes a liking to you. starts going out of her way to stop by whenever you're working, even though it's five minutes out of her way and she likes the coffee at the other shop better. 

she's so flirty, incessantly even. she derives so much pleasure from making you nervous. even with all the flirting she does, she doesn't seriously expect you to reciprocate her interest. she's immediately stunned and a little unsure when she realizes you wrote a flirty comment on her cup, because don't you realize how old she is? 

comes back in the next day and mentions it and is immediately flattered when you just shrug and hand her the usual before she can even order it. Jackie's so flustered by your attention that she leaves without paying. runs back ten minutes later and practically throws the money at you before sprinting back to work. 

Jackie really likes the fact that you don't know who she is. i mean, who watches the news anymore?? 

you finally catch a clip of her as the anchor and realize what she does. she gets so shy when you tease her about it. asking her for her autograph as a joke and she's tripping over herself and bright red

god, she's never like this but you just make her so nervous sometimes. makes her feel like a kid again and she never thought she'd like that. 

doesn't even cross her mind to be embarrassed or hesitant about dating someone half her age. starts talking about your college classes and one of her friends is like “oh, it's good they're going back to college at their age” and Jackie's just like “oh no, they went straight out of highschool 🥰.” doesn't even notice the way their jaw dropped as they're doing the math. 

worries constantly about how you perceive her. she seems so charismatic and confident that you wouldn't think she would be so insecure, but it's constantly on her mind. she's not embarrassed about you at all but she keeps waiting for the day that you realize she's too ‘old’ ever since someone pointed that out to her for the first time. 

tries way too hard to seem hip and cool. she spent hours researching how to use modern slang correctly even though she already mostly had it down. 

over the moon whenever you reference liking something from the 90s. she'll talk your fucking ear off about it if you let her. 

Jackie values your validation a lot less than she would've at 18, but she still really needs to be the center of your attention. one off comment from you can really have her off kilter for the rest of the day even if you didn't mean it. Jackie's more chill about it now, but she still has a desperate need to be liked. 

she gets so jealous when it comes to people your own age. there's so many spaces you’re in that she really just can't enter due to her age and it drives her crazy thinking about all the people who might be able to relate to you better or on a different level. 

such a reality TV fan. has you on the couch for days getting caught up on all 12 seasons of her favorite show before the new season airs. you just know she's got the best snacks though. 

ridiculously supportive of every little thing you do. if it has a competition attached, trust that she will be in the front row with your picture on a t-shirt. People definitely think she's your mom with how extra she is about it, but she doesn't even care. the crowd audibly gasps when she kisses you afterward, but she doesn't notice as she's too busy hyping you up about getting fifth place.

most considerate gift giver on the planet, I swear. she only gets better with age. it's so sweet and thoughtful that you almost tear up every time. 

won't lie about her age but also won't correct other people. your friends are like “what is she, thirty???” in disbelief when they meet for the first time and Jackie's ass is just like “... yes. that's it.” 

world’s most expensive makeup collection, i swear. it’s so expansive that you're almost in awe the first time you see it. entire shelves dedicated solely to it

sometimes when you get bored sitting outside the shower listening to Jackie yap you start googling the prices of things just to feel something. what do you mean that skin cream was $250???

Offers to give you a tour as an excuse to get you into her room. You’re looking around her one-story house like 🤔. You’re not sure there’s a single room in this house you can’t see from the living room, but you’re not stupid enough to give up that chance.

[geospiral]

Taking a look at Mizi and Ivan as symbolic of Till’s desire for escapism vs. having to acknowledge the cruel reality he lives in:

When people think about Ivan and the idea that Till “never looked at him,” many people take this claim either in the literal sense or in the sense that Till was not appreciative of Ivan’s presence when he was still alive, both of which can be disproven with canon material. However, I want to take this idea and apply it in another way, of Ivan being the reality that Till does not want to acknowledge or face.

One of the most defining aspects of Ivan’s character is his rejection of idealism, to the point that you could honestly say that he leans towards nihilism. This is in great contrast to Mizi pre-Round 1, who was sheltered as a child and throughout most of her young adulthood, right up until the actual Alien Stage competition itself. The disconnect between these two and their worldviews can most readily be seen when comparing their intimacy levels with each other, with Ivan having a hard time relating to Mizi due to her innocence, whereas Mizi, although very fond of Ivan, seemingly only knows the version of him that he specifically curated and hid behind for the sake of survival.

(Text: "Intimacy: 75%. A cool friend with a prince-like smile! The object of every child's admiration! Whenever I don't know something, he's always kind and teaches me.")

(Text: "Intimacy: 30%. I like Mizi because she has a purity that is free of lies. As you get older, its natural to become pessimistic about your situation. But sometimes... its so bright it's difficult.")

(Text screeshot taken from a previous post)

Till was most definitely a witness to the different faces Ivan wore, being one of only two people that Ivan let his mask down around. But Till knew Ivan even before he started actively masking, before their first fight even, when he saw Ivan small and beaten from his holding cell.

Ivan is like Till’s shadow, ever present. Shown to us to almost always try to be by Till’s side even in his worst moments, especially in his worst moments. And while the two of them are friends, and I’m sure Till is glad that he doesn’t have to go through his ordeals completely alone, what comes with Ivan is an aching reminder of Till’s cruel reality. With Ivan there to care for Till in the aftermath of his mistreatments, there is now a witness that also carries the knowledge of what happened to him, and that can be both comforting and horrifying. These are no longer contained occurrences between Till and his abusers that Till can try and use escapism (Mizi) to ignore. Ivan knows and will always be by Till’s side, and so will the reality of Till’s circumstances.

This isn’t to say that Ivan’s presence is a detriment to Till but far from it! Reality cannot be fully ignored; you must come to acknowledge what is or has happened to you and then go forward with that to try and see what can be done about it.

Which leads us to the meteor show incident.

Till taking Ivan’s hand and leaving what he knows behind is NOT him ignoring reality but is him trying to escape from the constant abuse he suffers. Till should never have to “accept” the torture he is put through, and neither should anyone else who is in an abusive situation. The meteor shower escape attempt is simply a chance for something to be done about Till's circumstances—to leave and hopefully be able to live a life more independent and free away from the creatures and system that torments him, similar to Hyuna’s own escape.

It must be reiterated that in this moment, however, Till is leaving everything he knows behind, his entire life up until this point, and that scares him...

Till letting go of Ivan’s hand isn’t as simple as “Till running back to his crush." It's Till not wanting to leave behind the most prominent source that he’s used to cope with basically everything in his life.

And obviously Till cares for Mizi as a person, but he also sees her as much more than that. She is his light in the dark; she is his hope—innocent and yet to be scarred by the world.

Till going back is NOT a failure on his part or something that he can be blamed for. It's sad, but also incredibly human and understandable. A lot of people would have probably gone back, choosing familiarity over the unknown. I probably would have gone back.

Talking about Round 6 now, it makes perfect sense how devastated Till is over Mizi’s disappearance. It's important to face reality, yes, but it's also important to have something to emotionally rely upon to get you through your darkest moments. Outside of Mizi, Till doesn’t really have anything that he uses to comfort himself; sure, he writes and draws, but he’s made those things about Mizi with her being his muse.

Till’s obsession with Mizi isn’t healthy, but it's also all he believes he has. Ivan is still there, of course, but he’s not like Mizi. Till could never view him in the same light as he does Mizi, but at least he’s still here. Him being the only one left, a reminder of all he's lost, sure, but he's still here.

Then he pulls his stunt, and he’s gone.

And Till, who had decided to give up in the absence of Mizi, is forced to really look.

I don't have much to say about Round 7 because I'm not entirely sure how to feel about it yet, but I want to point out that Till didn't know that Mizi was trying to save him. When he was singing and fighting for his life on that stage, he was doing it for himself. He wanted to live! Despite everything he wanted to live, and the importance of that and that he was doing this for himself cannot be undersold.

[soxcietyy]

Suspicions pt 2

Yuta x reader

Pt 1

˚₊‧꒰𓆩 ♱ 𓆪꒱ ‧₊˚ part two, while doing the deed he gets an important call and you find out what something your not happy about.

On another call yet again. He’s always been busy like that. Everytime you two would go out he would excuse himself. Even when you two were in the middle of getting intimate. You can brush off the fact that you don’t know his job but this has to be a joke now. You laid on the bed sprawled as he was in between your legs getting ready to go in you once again. Though his phone started ringing loudly. He quickly looked over his phone and back at you to find you glaring. He smiled at you apologetically as he reached over to grab his phone.

Now that you thought about it you never heard one of his calls before. They’re mostly be work related meaning if you could get him to stay you could potentially learn something. It could give you closure to what happened in his study. As you watched him grab a towel to wrap himself with you grab him by the arm. He turns to look at you confused as he answers his phone. Before you could open your mouth he places a finger on your lips to silence you.

"This is Yuta," he said as he looked down at you. He quickly pressed mute on his phone as the other person talked.

"What is it?" He says waiting to see what was so urgent that you interrupted his call. You search for a reason to stop him from leaving. Maybe guilt tripping him was the only way. You’ve never seen him act this serious with you. Not even when you bothered him about his job that one time.

"You always leave me hanging like this Yu, can’t you just stay here and do it with me?" You look at him with your doe eyes.

He stood there as if he was going to actually agree but quickly turned you down. "Absolutely, not." He said.

Your eyes widen a bit feeling weird about hearing no come out his mouth. You wernt crazy spoiled but this was a new vocabulary term to you. "You promised me that you would give me a kid." You say getting closer to the edge of the bed on your knees. You were now eye level with him. "I want to make a kid now, and if you don’t do it with me I’ll…" you start to think hard about something to threaten him with.

You hear a faint voice on the phone and Yuta sighs deeply as he pushes you on the bed. He unmutes the call and looks at it before saying something.

"Yea Im free, what is it that you need specifically from me?"

A small grin formed on your face seeing he gave into you. He put the phone on speaker and threw it next to you. You tried to turn around to look at the caller ID but when you tried he pulled you down by dragging you closer to him. You could hear the man on the phone talk about property laws and what can’t be done to them landscape wise. He could definitely not be a landscaper and go to work wearing suits. Maybe me managed them but that doesn’t quite explain the red on him last time.

He grabbed your legs, spreading them apart pushing them back so he could have a good look at your cunt. You felt embarrassed by his actions but closed your eyes. You could heard shuffling before he slammed right into you. You let out a Yelp out of shock causing you to open your eyes back up.

"Keep quiet darling, this is quite an important phone call. I would be very disappointed if I miss any information." He said as he exited you and slammed back inside. Your hands flew to your mouth and covered it. Making sure you did not let a peep out. Your body recoiled up and down as he continued ramming you. Every so often he would stop to unmute to ask and answer questions.

"What if I wanna dig up plot 17?" He asked as he quickly muted and continued were he left off with you. Maybe this was a bad idea, no more like horrible. You were so drunk on his cock that you couldn’t get any of their conversation. Every so often you would pick up something but it was about land! Sometimes he would whisper in your ear but you definitely didn’t understand anything you said. He would look at you with the sweetest smile before talking on the phone.

Eventually You squirmed under him as you came. Your legs shaking from pleasure. He flips you over and thrust in your you doggy style. His body leaning over your as he grabs you by the neck to control your body. You bite your lip as he hits that perfect spot over and over again. You claw on the bed sheets desperately. He was going to send you right over the edge and you didn’t know if you were going to be able to walk right after. His movement started becoming slow and sloppy. The man over the phone was still rambling which clearly bothered Yuta. He grabbed his phone and brought it up to his mouth.

"God stop with the questions and kill that mother fucker already. Throw his body in any land plot or the river from all I care." He said before hanging up and throwing his phone across the room.

You gasp hearing what he just said and tried to get up but he had such a grip on you. He covered your mouth and slammed balls deep into you until he put his load all inside of you. "It’s okay, I’m going to put a baby In you. That’s what you want right darling?"

You look at him with fear in your eyes.

"Oh are you shocked from what I just said?" He lets out a laugh as he slides out of you and replaces his member with his fingers. Shoving his cum deep inside of you. "You don’t have to be afraid, I’m going to take good care of you and our baby. Though if you try to run away then I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. So behave, and act like the good wife you are."