#and that’s because it sounds like the name of a digimon

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 02x23 - When the Digivice was Tainted by Darkness / Genesis of Evil

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Daisuke watched a Digimon piss and they were not very happy about it. And now for some deep-seated psychological trauma!

We've been fighting the Digimon Kaiser for twenty episodes. Now it's finally time to ask the question: Okay, but for real, who is Ichijouji Ken anyway?

Also, according to the unreliable Dub Narrator, we will find out in this episode if the Chosen Children/DigiDestined truly do have a new enemy out there. So that sounds fun!

We open quietly and slowly at "Tamachi T.M. マンシヨン", the last word of which is マンシヨン Manshon or Mansion. As discussed way back in episode 1 when Natsuko and Takeru moved in to the complex they live in, a マンション manshon is a more upscale and high-quality apartment complex compared to a cheaper アパート apaato. Unsurprisingly, the Ichijouji family is well-off.

We've been to the Ichijouji residence before but I think this is the first time we've ever seen the name on the building. Since Ken also attends a school named Tamachi, it's likely that he's meant to live in the area surrounding Tamachi Station, shown on the map here.

For reference, the blue circle represents the area informally referred to as "Tamachi". It's just across the Rainbow Bridge from Odaiba, the red circle. The black circle is, as always, Vamdemon's base of operations in Daiba Park way back when.

Part of this area is the district of Shibaura, which caused so much trouble back then. That was where Hikari's cat Miko ended up taking her Digivice, misleading both the Chosen Children and Vamdemon to believe that the Eighth Child lived somewhere around Shibaura.

There is something deliciously ironic about Ken in fact living somewhere around Shibaura.

Inside apartment 303, Ken's mother quietly closes his door and exits his room into the living room. Her husband is waiting for her on the couch.

Father: Ken... How is he?

Mom shakes her head and takes a seat next to him.

Mother: But I'm sure it won't be too long before he wakes up....

Dad reaches over, placing a gentle hand over Mom's. A soft reassurance that they're going through this together.

Ken is going through a hell of a hangover. Sleeping off the Digimon Kaiser is no easy feat.

The original episode has a slow and silent zoom in on the Ichijouji apartment to build tension and uncertainty. The dub opts for a more sad and sympathetic opening, with somber music and extra dialogue to set the scene.

Mother: Ken, honey? It's Mom. I just want you to know that Dad and I are right outside your room. We're not going anywhere so when you wake up, we'll be here. (Inside the apartment, Mom closes the door) Father: Well? Is he awake yet? (Mom shakes head and sits down on couch) Mother: But... I know he'll wake up. He just needs a little more rest. (Dad places gentle hand on Mom's) Father: Don't worry. He's strong. Just like his mother.

This meshes with their respective treatments of Ken two episodes ago. In the original, we don't really know what to expect from Ken at this point. We had our final battle and it ended so weird. What are we supposed to make of him now? Where does he go from here? Are we going to be fighting him again in a week's time, or does he finally take the hint and buzz off? What does he even want?

Whereas the dub already leapt straight to "All is forgiven! You gonna join our team now?" before the final battle with Kimeramon even finished. There is no tension here because we were fighting to redeem Ken in the first place and already succeeded. It just needs a little time to settle in.

As Ken's parents wait for him in the living room, we move to his room and find him asleep. Like Hikari, Ken insists on sleeping in the top bunk even in a bed built for one person.

As an interesting note, last time we saw Ken, he was splayed out carelessly across his bed. But now he's neatly tucked in like the cutest little cherub. That's how much his mom loves him.

Ken (V.O.): I have to stay asleep. I have to find my heart. Where did my heart go?

Entering into Ken's headspace, we find him blowing bubbles with a straw. The image of his brother Osamu, briefly seen dying two episodes ago, is reflected in the bubble he blows.

Ken (V.O.): When I was little... When I was little, I used to blow soap bubbles. Bigger... And bigger....

Zooming out from the bubbles, we see Osamu watching Ken blow the bubbles with a smile on his face.

Ken (V.O.): I was never a genius. The genius was Osamu-niisan. Osamu-niisan could do anything. I was so proud of him.

An interesting note is that Ken has two honorifics he calls Osamu. In his mind, he calls him by the relaxed and casual Nii-san, which is very informal. But when speaking to him in dialogue, he's a bit more formal. He uses Onii-chan, which is cutesy and childish and conveys a lot of emotional attachment.

Takeru and Hikari also use Onii-chan to convey how emotionally close they are with their respective brothers.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I know I should wake up... but I can't. It's not time yet. Not until I find my heart. It feels like I lost it. I keep looking for it but I just can't seem to find it. I know once I do, everything will be back to the way it was.... (Blowing of bubbles) Ken (V.O.): Like when I was a little kid. I used to learn everything from my older brother Sam. I remember the time he taught me to blow bubbles. (Ken blows bubbles while Sam watches and smiles) Ken (V.O.): At first I couldn't do it but he kept encouraging me. Soon, I was blowing bubbles bigger than he was! Sam was the real genius in the family. I was so proud of him....

Dub Ken's inner monologue is longer and more comprehensive. In the original, Ken's inner monologue is dream-like. He sounds like he's drifting along on a sea of memory, where Dub Ken is consciously narrating his autobiography.

It's also a little awkward how he brags about kicking Sam's ass at bubble-blowing and then immediately segues back on-script to Sam being the true genius.

Mind you, it's true. This is something they'll talk about that later, so I guess they just wanted to seed that in early.

As dub names go, "Sam" for "Osamu" is along the same lines as "Matt" for "Yamato" or "Izzy" for "Izumi Koushiro"; it sounds like an easy English nickname derived from his real Japanese name. As opposed to Davis, Cody, and Yolei which might as well have been drawn from a hat.

As Ken's mindspace progresses, we see baby Ken walking hand-in-hand with his mother.

Ken: That's the lady from next door!

One by one, echoes of the next door lady appear in Ken's mindspace, burned into his memory in that same pose.

Lady: Everyone says your son Osamu-chan is exceptional! Lady: Oh, I'm so jealous! Lady: He's nothing like my kid. Lady: I want to brew the dirt from under Osamu-chan's fingernails and make my son drink it!

Okay, that's going to need some explaining.

爪の垢を煎じて飲む Tsume no aka wo senjite nomu is a Japanese expression. It basically means you idolize this other person so much that you wish you could take a little piece of their essence and incorporate it into yourself. Obviously, nobody literally does this, but it's a turn-of-phrase.

Lady: How did you teach him? Lady: What kind of homemaker are you? Lady: He must have inherited only the best traits from his parents, huh? Lady: Oh, what a genius!

Those last three questions are all in the context of, "What did you do to produce such an exceptional child?"

Ken (V.O.): Mom basked in those words.

The word Ken uses here is 溺れた oboreta, which literally means to drown. As a turn-of-phrase, it also means indulgence in an addiction. Mom didn't just enjoy hearing it; She couldn't get enough. Being praised for Osamu's brilliance was the highlight of her day.

We've seen similar questions asked about Ken himself years later, and this goes a long way to examining why he's so hostile to those sentiments. He was on the outside looking in on this behavior long before he suddenly became the recipient of it.

In the dub:

Ken: Here come the neighbor ladies! Lady: My cousin has a friend that knows someone that says your little Sam is the smartest boy in school! Lady: Can I get my picture taken with him? Lady: I have three daughters I'd like him to meet! Lady: Has he decided to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon? Lady: Where can I get his autobiography!? Lady: You and your husband are geniuses to have had him! Lady: Can I get a lock of his hair? I'd like to have him cloned! Lady: Will he sing at my wedding? Ken (V.O.): Those kind of comments went straight to my mom's head.

The core point that Osamu was heavily praised and their mom loved it is here. But wow.

The dub presents these eight identical impressions of the neighbor lady as different women from the neighborhood. And their obsession with this genius boy transcends "Your son is amazing!" and delves straight into the realm of Holy Fuck Restraining Order.

This is obviously meant to be comically over-the-top, of course. The dub's always played Ken's prodigy reputation for laughs and they're doing the same with Sam. And for an episode like this, opportunities to inject levity are going to be few and far between, so I do get why they went this route.

As the sad baby Ken processes the neighbor lady's neglect, suddenly his mom pulls her hand away from him too and we transition into the family apartment.

Ken: (gasp) Mama?

With her back to Ken, Mom gushes over Osamu.

Mother: Osamu-chan, Mama got praised again today! Oh, you're such a good boy, Osamu-chan!

Then, realizing she's being watched, she suddenly turns around.

Mother: Uhh, you're a good boy too, Ken-chan. Ken: I'm always an afterthought.

Shrouded in darkness, Ken watches the image of Osamu on the couch surrounded by their parents' love slowly fade into the distance.

Ken: (thinking) Mama only cares so much about Onii-chan because everyone's always praising him. Nothing would change if I wasn't here. Ken: If Onii-chan wasn't here, would that be me over there? If only Onii-chan were gone... Onii-chan... (gasp) That's it! If Onii-chan were gone...!

Ken's face hardens into a vicious scowl. A mask of cruelty to hide his pain.

Ken: I want you to disappear, Onii-chan!

Ken is, sadly, too young to realize that his jealous ire is misplaced. It's not Osamu's fault that Ken's home life is miserable. It's his parents who are fucking up here and inadvertently cultivating that hostility.

Those words, "Nothing would change if I wasn't here", are also important. There is a suicidal undertone to Ken's journey. There... kind of always has been, ever since he deleted himself from the human world. And it starts right here with this stray thought.

In the dub:

Mother: (lets go of Ken's hand) Oh, Sam! Ken: Mama? Mother: All the neighbors came up to me again and said what a wonderful boy you are! One of them even asked me for an autograph! Can you believe it!? (Mother suddenly turns around) Mother: Oh, Ken. I'm sorry. Did you say something? Ken: (depressed) Never mind, Mama. It's not important. (Ken watches his family fade into the distance) Ken: Mom and Dad are always paying more attention to Sam than to me. I know they love him more because he's smarter than me! I'll never get even one of them to notice me as long as Sam's around! If only Sam weren't around, then I would be.... (gasp) That's it! If only Sam weren't here, then I'd be the one they loved. (Ken scowls cruelly) Ken: I WISH SAM WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!!!

The dub pins down Sam's exceptionalism as the thing about him that Ken resents. If Sam wasn't so brilliant then their parents would love Ken too.

In the original, it's his popularity. If Osamu wasn't constantly being praised for his brilliance, then their parents would love Ken too. Mom doesn't consciously love Osamu more for being smart; However, she's addicted to the praise and can't help but gush over it, which makes Ken feel left out and unwanted.

She does attempt to puff up Ken too. It's just that Ken can see her weak gesture for the afterthought that it is. She isn't malicious about it, but she is fucking up.

The dub cuts out this middleman and just says "Fuck Sam for being so brilliant in the first place." Which I think is a misstep, since it's the praise that more directly connects Ken's jealousy of Osamu to Ken's own demonstrated experiences and bitterness towards the world around him in episode 9.

As soon as Ken makes his proclamation, smash cut to a glowing light emerging from the monitor in Ken's room. The object ambiguously lands directly between the two brothers.

We know exactly what that is, and so does Present Ken's inner monologue.

Ken (V.O.): A Digivice appeared before our very eyes.

As the light fades, the object is revealed as a traditional Digivice like the ones that the veteran Chosen Children received.

Ken (V.O.): But, obviously, it was for Osamu-niisan. After all, Osamu-niisan could do anything and could have anything.

Osamu picks up the Digivice and inspects it, but nothing happens. He holds it up to his ear and shakes it. A little rattling from the internal mechanisms, but still nothing happens.

Ken (V.O.): But nothing happened. The Digivice was just there. Osamu-niisan looked so dejected.

Osamu stands up, walking over to the desk. He stuffs the Digivice in a drawer. However, some time later, Ken opens that drawer to see it for himself.

Ken (V.O.): I had no idea what it was. But I knew... it was something special. I got excited just from looking at it.

Ken reaches into the drawer. As he lays his hand on the Digivice, it suddenly lights up. Pretty clear whose Digivice this actually is. Ken screams and, before he knows what's happening, he's pulled inside the computer. Through the Digital Gate and into the Digital World.

Poor Osamu. Kinda seems unfair that Ken was Chosen and Osamu wasn't.

I wonder if that's going to be thematically relevant to something down the road? Mm, probably not.

The dub gives the boys dialogue during this sequence.

Ken (V.O.): Then, one night, a Digivice came out of our computer. I figured it had to be Sam's. Ken: Sam, what is that? Sam: I'm not sure, Kenny-boy. Maybe the computer blew a fuse or something.

FLUNG IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MONITOR HAHAHAHAHAHA

Sam: Let's take a look. Ken: Be careful! It might still be hot! (Sam picks up the Digivice but nothing happens) Sam: Huh?

When Sam lifts the Digivice to his ear and shakes it, it can be heard rattling but it's really soft and hard to make out over the music.

Ken: Is there something inside? Sam: Uh-uh... I don't know what this thing is, but I'm gonna find out. Now, listen to me, Kenny-boy. Whatever you do, don't touch it. (Sam stuffs it in his drawer; Ken opens the drawer back up) Ken (V.O.): I know that Sam told me to stay away from it but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was being drawn to it somehow. Like something was telling me that it belonged to me. I just wanted to look at it. What harm could that do?

The dub sets its first commercial break here, as Ken vanishes into the Digital World with his Digivice.

This is a pretty significant characterization shift for Sam. In the original, Osamu and Ken both assume the Digivice belongs to Osamu out of a sense of entitlement, basically. When Osamu shoves it in his desk, it's because he's mad that this magic device that popped out of the computer isn't doing anything.

In the dub, no assumptions are made about who "deserves" the Digivice or whatever. Sam comes across like a responsible big brother, trying to protect Ken from the weird doodad that suddenly and inexplicably manifested in their room. He shoves it in his desk out of a sense of caution.

It's evening by the time Ken returns from the Digital World. Osamu enters the room just in time to see the Digital Gate open and release Ken back into the human world.

Sitting on the floor, Ken's staring at his Digivice in wonder. Suddenly, Osamu calls out to him, and danger chords begin playing in the background.

Osamu: Ken! Ken: Huh? Osamu: (coldly) What are you doing?

Ken holds up the Digivice to show it to Osamu.

Ken: Th-This-- Osamu: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?

Before Ken can get another word out, Osamu slaps the back of his hand, knocking the Digivice from it.

Osamu: Don't touch my stuff without permission! Ken: S... Sorry....

While Ken cradles his hand, Osamu bends down and picks up the Digivice.

Osamu: This is mine. Ken: I'm so sorry!

Osamu returns the Digivice to his drawer, continuing to gripe.

Osamu: Rifling through someone's desk... Only the worst kinds of people would do something like that! Ken: I'm sor-- Osamu: This is mine! Don't ever touch it without my permission! Got it? Ken: I'm really sorry. Osamu: You're distracting me from my studies. GET OUT!!!

Dejected, Ken stands up and leaves the rooms.

What an asshole. This moment raises the stakes in their relationship and contextualizes some of Ken's bitterness earlier. Osamu isn't just the apple of their parents' eyes; He's also abusive.

An interesting note about Osamu's room is that, from the layout, you can clearly tell that it's the same room that now belongs to Ken in the present. Same computer desk, same bookshelf with top-bunk bed.

In the dub, Sam starts talking before entering the room.

Sam: Ken, are you still in my room? You better not be touching my stuff! (Sam enters and sees Ken return) Ken: Wow! Cool! Sam: KEN!!! Ken: Uh-oh. Sam: Just what do you think you're doing!? (Ken shows the Digivice) Ken: I didn't break it! Sam: I said, "Don't touch it"! (Sam slaps the Digivice out of Ken's hand) Sam: Don't touch my things ever again! Ken: I'm... sorry.... (Sam picks up the Digivice) Sam: You have to have respect for people's property, Ken. Ken: I will.... (Sam returns the Digivice to his desk) Sam: It's too late for that. I already told you once not to go in my drawer and you broke my trust. Now I'll never be able to trust you again! Ken: But I... I-I.... Sam: What if you'd gotten hurt!? Mom and Dad would be looking to blame someone and it would be me, not you! Ken: I said sorry.... Sam: Now get out. I have to study!

He's still an asshole but, as with before, Sam's unjustifiably over-the-top reaction here nonetheless seems to be coming from a place of concern for his brother's safety. He's still violently possessive, but with some nuance. Though the way he presents it nonetheless indicates that he's more worried about the blowback on him than he is worried for Ken.

Whereas in the original, he's just an entitled little shit. His motives are plain as day from the way he exclaims "This is mine!" twice. He's furious about the possibility that for once in their lives, Ken might get to have something that he doesn't. So he takes it away from Ken using both physical and verbal violence.

This scene brings Sam closer in characterization to Osamu, but there's still more nuance to his outburst than Osamu has.

Dejected, Ken walks away into darkness, roaming through the shadows of the older Ken's memory.

Ken: (thinking) Nii-san hates me... Because I'm not a good kid... Because I'm the worst kind of person... But why? I'm so miserable....

They replay the footage of baby Ken watching his parents shower Osamu with love and adoration.

Ken: (thinking) Nii-san has everything. I have nothing. I WISH MY BROTHER WOULD DISAPPEAR!!!

As those words echo in Ken's memory space, they are suddenly and swiftly answered by the car that ended Osamu's life.

In the dub, it's the grown-up Ken who unpacks what just happened.

Ken (V.O.): Sam hated me. I wasn't as good a person as he was. But that wasn't enough for him; He had to punish me because of it! He didn't have to hit me! I just wanted to play with his toy! So what if I didn't ask for his permission first!? And I couldn't tell Mom and Dad because as far as they were concerned, he could do no wrong. Ken: Sometimes I wish... HE WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!!! (Sam hit by car) Ken (V.O.): And then he did.

Thanks, Ken. I wouldn't have got that if you hadn't explained it. In any case, the dub pulls no punches on the smash cut to Sam's death.

The differing narrators offer differing perspectives. Baby Ken in the original internalizes the abuse and spirals around it until finally he breaks and lets out that outburst again.

The older Ken in the dub looks back on this whole event with a sense of disdainful perspective. He calls out Sam's abuse and the unfairness of his situation back then for what it was. He even brings up that regardless of Sam's motives, the hand smack was completely uncalled for.

I really like both versions of this.

Following Osamu's death, we find Ken at his wake. With tears in his eyes, a distraught Ken approaches Osamu's memorial photo on the funeral altar.

Ken: Onii-chan... Did this happen because I wanted you to disappear?

Inside Ken's mind-space, he watches his parents grow distance again. Only this time, rather than showering Osamu in praise, it's because they're mourning.

Ken: Where do I go? Where do I belong?

Osamu's gone and still Ken is alone.

In the dub:

Ken: Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear! (Ken watches his mourning parents grow distant) Ken: Look how sad I made my parents. They loved Sam more than anything in the whole world! I know how much the both of you miss Sam! But I'm still here!

Same idea but more bluntly.

Fast forward to some time later. Enough that Ken looks visibly older, though not as old as the Ken we know. We find him at the computer desk.

Ken (V.O.): One day, while I was messing around with Nii-san's computer, I found an email addressed to me. An email for me. An email written specifically for me. Someone... for me....

The poison for Kuzco. The poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.

In seriousness, his repetition of the statement is meant to indicate how mind-blowing it was that someone, of their own volition, was reaching out... to him. Baby Ken's self-esteem had been so utterly destroyed by his upbringing that even before he read it, just receiving an email was this grand earthshattering gesture.

This might actually be the first time in his life that someone has, on purpose, reached out to connect with him.

In any case, the email is read in a new, unidentified voice.

Ken (V.O.): This is what it said. Message: Your brother's passing was an unfortunate accident. It must have been very tragic for you. But take comfort. Your brother's death has brought him peace. There's nothing for you to feel guilty for. Ken (V.O.): I didn't really understand what it meant. Still, I wanted to believe what was written there. It was easier that way. Message: The arrival of your brother's physical death has brought him a true sense of peace because it granted eternal freedom to his spirit. But you have to keep living in this boring, mundane world. In other words, it means the death of your free spirit. You poor thing. I feel sorry for you.

Oh, this guy is definitely recruiting for a cult. He's not saying Ken should commit suicide... but he's not not saying that.

Expressions like "XYZ is in a better place" are common comforts for people grieving a loved one but there's a line between that and "We should all be so lucky to expire! Death is the only true liberation!" And this message is way the hell across that line.

As the message is read, we see black-and-white shots of Ken undergoing his mundane, ordinary life. Walking down the street and eating with his family. Typical, ordinary things. The very thing the message maligns.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): Then, one day, I was playing on Sam's old computer and I found an email that was addressed to me.

Quick note: In the original, we hear an email notification alert when the message arrives. It was just sent to Ken right this moment. In the dub, there's no alert.

As for the message's text... This is a fun one because not only do they have to deal with the message itself, but there's also scrolling email text that appears over the black and white shots. That's going to be a lot of work to scrub off the screen and replace with English.

So they don't fucking bother and leave the Japanese text completely unaltered. XD Even the email itself. Between this, the hand slap with no obscuring white flash, and the explicit onscreen death of a child? I think someone realized how important this episode was and locked the censors in a broom closet so they couldn't fuck with it.

Ken (V.O.): I didn't know who would be writing to me or how they would know I was on Sam's computer. Message: I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. It must have been hard to take. Ken (V.O.): I was scared. And yet, I was compelled to keep reading. It was as if I'd been waiting for this letter my whole life! Message: But don't worry. Your brother is in a better place than this world. He is finally at rest. But when his soul became free, yours became trapped. You bear the burden of both his destiny and your own. Now that your parents have lost their hopes for their perfect child, you will be expected to carry out the dream that Sam can no longer fulfill.

The dub talks a little around that cult talk, though not as much as I expected. They don't sidestep "His soul is free but yours is now bound" at all, but they do extrapolate it as a flowery way of talking about Ken and Sam's parental expectations, specifically.

Though the original message can be interpreted to be about those expectations, so it may be that the dub is simply bringing the subtext into the text. The transference of parental expectations is going to come up later in this episode.

The message continues.

Message: The conclusion that can be drawn is that the current world isn't suitable for you. Now I want to tell you that there's another world that suits you better. Ken: A world that suits me better? Message: A world that will set your spirit free.

Okay but you just said that death set Osamu's spirit free so. Uh. Yeah, now he is kinda telling Ken to kill himself. Metaphorically, at least. He's telling Ken to leave this world behind and go to another one, a better one. Just like Osamu did.

Message: Open the drawer. Ken: The drawer?

Ken reaches for the drawer, but then stops himself. He hesitates for a moment. But then he works up the nerve and opens it, revealing the Digivice.

Ken: Osamu-niisan.... Message: Use that Digivice.

When Ken picks it up, it glows with his light once more. He holds it up to the computer and the Digital Gate opens, drawing him inside.

God, this message is so fucking unnerving. This is so fucking dark. Parents, know who your children are being influenced by on the internet.

As an aside, I love Ken's moment of hesitation in opening the drawer. He's playing around on Osamu's computer with no problem, but Osamu punished him for opening that drawer before so he's reluctant to cross that boundary.

Even though Osamu's dead, the ghost of Osamu's authority continues to haunt Ken.

The dub, of course, is sticking to the "You'll be buried by expectations" angle.

Message: This world will become unbearable for you. Pressure to succeed will be too great. But let me tell you about another world that is much more appropriate. Ken: What does he mean by "another world"? Message: A world where your soul can finally be free. Where you answer to no one but yourself. Open the drawer. Ken: (gasp) The drawer! (Ken hesitates, but opens the drawer) Message: Use Sam's Digivice. Ken: I'm sorry, Sam.

Though it still says "Sam's soul was freed by his death, now let me tell you about how to free your soul." So the eerie implication is still there.

The message calls it Sam's Digivice, which is factually incorrect. It's obviously not his Digivice because it activated for Ken and not him. But that is how Ken was conditioned to think of it by Osamu/Sam's abuse. Original Ken will describe it the same way later in the episode.

On the other side of the Gate, Ken finds himself... somewhere else.

A great black ocean stretches out in front of him. One that should be familiar to those who've seen episode 13.

Ken: ...where am I...?

Stepping into the water, Ken kneels down and sinks his Digivice into it. The dark water changes it, transforming it into the Dark Digivice.

Clutching it, an eerie grin slowly crosses his face.

Ken: That's right, it's... This is my Digivice. It doesn't belong to anyone else. It's mine alone.

There's a subtle implication that something's happening to Ken as he says this. When he first pulls the Digivice out of the water, his eyes has the typical anime catchlight, the little white dot in the upper corner of the eye signifying a little bit of light reflecting.

However, as he delivers this line and his face gradually contorts into that Digimon Kaiser grin, the catchlight fades. By the time he says the Dark Digivice is "mine alone", all light has vanished from his eyes.

In any case, once Ken has the Dark Digivice in his possession, we go to commercial.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I'll never forget the first time I saw the Digital World. It was enormous! I stood there all alone in this huge, empty world.

Okay, two things.

First off, this is not the Digital World. At least not the one we refer to when we say "the Digital World". It's certainly a Digital World, but the Dark Ocean is explicitly a third place.

Second, this is not Ken's first trip. The first time he entered the Digital World was right after the Digivice first arrived. We didn't see what happened to him in there, but he clearly left and then returned. The reason Ken nonetheless doesn't recognize this place on arrival is because it's not the Digital World.

Ken: Where am I?

When Ken steps into the waters, a cacophony of voice clips from various Digimon Emperor line emerge and assault the senses. They're impossible to make out until Ken plunges the Digivice into the water.

Emperor: I've been waiting for you to get here. Now, let the games begin. Emperor: I'm your worst nightmare. Emperor: This world and everything in it belong to me. Ken: This is mine now! No one can ever take it away from me! Or hide it in a drawer! Heh, I'm in control now. Emperor: Soon, I will have control over the entire Digital World!

I think the implication here is supposed to be that the Dark Ocean programmed the Digimon Emperor into Ken?

Or it could be symbolic, with this being the moment Ken met his fate, so to speak.

The dub also takes its second commercial break here.

Returning from commercial, we also return to the present where Ken remains in bed.

His parents are in his room now, watching him sleep.

Mother: Those noises he's making... Is he having a nightmare? ...hey, Papa? Father: Hm? Mother: A long time after Osamu-chan passed away, right when Ken-chan was starting to look like Osamu-chan did when he passed, Ken-chan suddenly started to excel in his schoolwork. Father: Yeah.... Mother: At the time, we were happy because it felt like Osamu-chan had come back to us. But do you think we should have thought more about what that meant for Ken-chan?

Dad nods in agreement.

Father: Ken had plenty of great qualities of his own. But we were busy enjoying being known around town as the parents of a prodigy. Mother: And not just with Ken-chan. Father: Huh? Mother: Did Osamu-chan really like to study so much? I guess he didn't hate it, but lately I've been thinking that maybe he would have liked to play more. Father: Without even realizing it, we might have been keeping him from enjoying himself. Mother: We failed them as parents, huh? Father: We did.

Turning their attention back to the sleeping Ken, his parents plead for him to wake.

Mother: Ken, please wake up soon. Father: Ken, give me a chance to apologize.

And here, in turn, comes the explanation for why Osamu was an asshole. Like Ken, he too is a product of his environment. All children are.

We know Ken eventually crumbled under the pressure and fled into the escapism of the Digital World "video game". He ragequit his parents, he ragequit his society, and he threw himself into the only thing he had that was any fun. The one thing he enjoyed. Hideous misunderstanding though that was.

But Osamu didn't have that. He didn't have a Digital World to escape to. In fact, the Digivice had rejected him. He wasn't Chosen; It wasn't meant for him. So when Osamu cracked, his frustration and stress had to vent somewhere....

As this conversation bears out, the real responsibility lies with their parents. The burden of parental pressure to excel created Osamu's abusive behavior. And then the burden of parental pressure to excel and Osamu's abusive behavior created the DIgimon Kaiser.

In the dub:

Mother: I wonder if he's having a bad dream? I've been thinking.... Father: Huh? Mother: I was remembering back when Ken was younger. He was about the same age Sam was when we lost him. That was right around the time I first noticed a big change in Ken. Remember? He began to put all of his attention into his studies. Father: Yeah? Mother: It was almost as if our Sam had come back to us and I was the happiest mother in the world but I never stopped to think what effect it might have on Ken. Do you think it's possible that's the reason he became like this? (Dad nods) Father: Mhm... Maybe Ken didn't want to study so much. Maybe he wanted to spend more time playing. Although I do admit that I kind of enjoyed the idea of being the father of a genius. Mother: What about Sam? Father: Huh? Mother: What if we made the same mistake with Sam? He might have had interests we ignored. Father: You're right. It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard. I loved the attention so much that I... I didn't realize what my son really needed the most: A chance to be a normal kid once in a while. Mother: I hate to say it but we failed as parents. Father: You're right. (Mom and Dad turn their attention back to Ken) Mother: Ken, please wake up. Father: Ken, please give us another chance to be better parents to you.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Dad. You both were too busy soaking up the praise to pay attention to your children's needs. I don't know why you're trying to take all the credit for ruining your kids. It's an awkward bit of blame-shifting on an otherwise solid adaptation.

From here, we return into Ken's mindspace.

Ken (V.O.): Where did my heart go? ...when I was little, I used to blow soap bubbles. Bigger... and bigger....

We join Ken on the balcony blowing soap bubbles again, but this time Osamu's smiling face isn't reflected in them. As we change shots to see Ken, Osamu is no longer standing there beside him.

Ken (V.O.): Yes, those soap bubbles were how I usually played. We mixed soapy water in a cup on the balcony and we'd cut the end of a straw to open it.

Bubbles fill the air, then recede to reveal a shot of another person with Ken, preparing the mixture. He's shot from the neck down; His face absent from memory.

Ken (V.O.): But who made the soapy water? Who cut the end of the straw? Mom? No.

The camera slowly pans up to reveal Osamu's smiling face.

Ken (V.O.): It was Nii-san. That's right... I couldn't blow bubbles unless I used the soapy water and straw that Nii-san made.

Of course it was. Who else would it have been? We've seen Ken's ugliest memory of Osamu, but now we return to Ken's happiest memory of him. A memory that corroborates what their mom was saying a moment ago; It's no coincidence that they were happiest when they both got to just play and be kids.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I can't wake up yet. I still haven't found my heart. I'm still trying to get back to that little kid that used to blow bubbles on his terrace. I'd stand there for hours, blowing them bigger and bigger each time. Each one was completely empty inside, but none of them was as empty inside as I was.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR HAPPY MEMORY, KEN. FUCK.

Ken (V.O.): Maybe I was trying to show Sam that I could blow bubbles bigger than he could! And that I was better at something than he was! (Cut to Sam mixing the soapy water) Ken (V.O.): But then again, who was it that taught me to blow the bubbles? (Pan up to reveal Sam's face) Ken (V.O.): Who made the soapy water for me and cut the straws? It wasn't my parents. It was Sam.

Ken's still bragging about his bubble size. Mixing his bitterness into what will, in a moment, be contextualized as an act of gentleness.

The more conscious narration of the dub completely changes the tone of this memory. In the dreamlike state of the original, Ken seems to have momentarily forgotten Osamu only to find him again. It's a reminder of the happy times, momentarily lost to the darkness of the bad times, and a reinforcement of their parents' mistakes.

In the dub, he brings the darkness with him into the happy memory. Ken injects a bitter first-person account into his memory that completely taints the very notion that he was ever happy. These were still good times, but he didn't appreciate them because he was too spiteful.

Man, the dub just can't let this guy have an ounce of humanization, huh?

Entering more fully into the memory, Osamu finishes mixing the cup and holds it out for Ken.

Osamu: Ken, blow this. Ken: Got it!

Ken takes the straw and begins to blow. Ken and Osamu watch in amazement as his bubbles come out large and fully formed. Then Ken offers the straw and cup back to Osamu.

Ken: You do it too, Onii-chan.

Osamu reluctantly takes the cup.

Osamu: Ah, but... I'm not very good at it. Ken: There are things you can't do, Onii-chan!? Osamu: Of course! You're the best at blowing soap bubbles, Ken. It's because you blow them so gently.

This is where Ken being better than Osamu at blowing soap bubbles actually comes into play and is relevant to the story.

Important note: The word Osamu uses here is 優しい yasashii, which means "kindness". As in, Ken's Crest of Kindness. The Kindness that awakened the Golden Radiance.

But there isn't really a good way to fit that into an English translation because blowing bubbles "kindly" isn't a thing. 優しい Yasashii represents an overall sense of gentleness, tenderness, care, and consideration for people and things that makes "Kindness" a fair translation but not fully encompassing of the idea.

Point is, Ken blowing bubbles gently is a direct reference to his Crest virtue.

Osamu: I can't do it. They always pop.

To demonstrate, Osamu blows a bubble of his own. He gets it up to a decent size before it suddenly bursts, leaving Ken alone on the balcony once more.

Ken: Onii-chan? Come back, Onii-chan! Ken (V.O.): But he isn't coming back. Right... Osamu-niisan is dead.

And with him went the secrets of bubble blowing.

That's not a joke. It's a material symbol for the way in which Ken's life became quantifiably lessened by the loss of this person that, for better and for worse, was such a major influence.

When Osamu died, there was nobody to prepare the bubble mixture for Ken. This activity that he treasured left his life right alongside his brother. Because the fun activity and the time he spent with his brother are the same.

In the dub:

Sam: Okay, it's all set to go! Ken: Hehe! Thanks, Sam! (Ken blows bubbles) Sam: Attaboy! Wow! Great! Ken: You try to do it now. (Ken hands the cup back to Sam) Sam: Uh, well, I'm not very good at blowing bubbles. Ken: Come on, Sam! There's nothing in this world that you can't do! Sam: I can do it okay but my technique isn't quite as good as yours is. Your bubbles come out perfect because you're gentle. I blow too hard and mine pop right away. (Sam tries to blow a bubble and pops) Ken: Huh? Where'd you go? Sam! Come back! Please! Ken (V.O.): But Sam won't come back. He's gone forever. Maybe I am too.

This is pretty good. They don't say that Ken blows bubbles "kindly" so the reference to Ken's Crest is lost. But that's not a thing so it's no wonder they don't say it. They were kinda screwed on this point by the choice to translation 優しい yasashii as "kindness" a few episodes ago and we're in too deep to change it now.

With the benefit of hindsight, "Crest of Gentleness" or something might have worked better. But the dub does have a workaround to capture that comparison; There's just no room for it in this scene.

Finally, in his room, Ken wakes up.

Father: Ken! Mother: You're awake! Ken: Who are you?

Ken's words hit his parents like a truck. When they don't answer, he repeats the question.

Ken: Who are you? Mother: You don't recognize us? Father: (to Mother) Has he lost his memory? Ken: (thinking) No, I haven't lost my memory. What I meant to say was, "What do you people mean to me?" Mother: I can't believe he doesn't know who we are! Ken: (thinking) You don't know who I am either. Who are you guys? And who am I? Who? Who am I?

Ken's spoken words sound like amnesia but he's really having an existential crisis that he doesn't know how to convey. He may be physically awake but he's still lost. He still hasn't found his heart.

In the dub:

Father: He's awake! Mother: Ohhh! Are you alright? Ken: Who are you? (Parents gasp, no answer) Ken: Well? Mother: Ken, don't you recognize who we are? Father: It's amnesia! Ken: (thinking) No, I didn't lose my memory. I lost my heart. And until I find it, I don't know who I am or who anyone else is either. Mother: How could he not know who his own parents are? Ken: (thinking) You don't know me either. How could you? I don't know myself. Who am I?

I think the phrasing of "I lost my heart and I won't know who anyone is until I find it" makes this line a little harder to parse, but the idea is the same.

A point I want to bring up is that both versions of the episode have been using "heart" to encompass a person's complete emotional and mental and spiritual identity, the fullness of who that person is.

This is a Japanese definition that we don't really use in English; We tend to think of someone's "heart" to just mean their capacity for love, compassion, and empathy. But in Japan, your "heart" is the fullness of your consciousness and identity and emotional breadth. But despite the different meanings, it gets translated 1:1 here and in other Japanese media such as Kingdom Hearts.

For a western comprehension, we would consider that his soul. He's trying to find his soul. He is doing what English speakers refer to as "soul-searching" and, until he finishes, he won't really be able to quantify these relationships he has.

The point is that he knows objectively who his parents are. But he's trying to figure out his identity, to figure out who he is on an emotional level, and only once he has done that will he be able to define the significance that these people have to that person.

Mother: It's okay. Don't strain yourself. We're just glad that you're safe. Father: Ken, we might have pushed you to be like Osamu without realizing it. That was wrong of us. You're your own person and we couldn't see the great qualities you possess. Mother: Please forgive us and get better soon. Ken: (thinking) What are they saying? I don't understand. I don't know what they mean. Father: Osamu isn't with us anymore, remember? Ken: (thinking) That's right... Osamu-niisan isn't here anymore.... Mother: (crying) He's dead! Osamu-chan is gone! So all we want is for you to be yourself, Ken-chan! Ken: (thinking) She's crying. Why? I'm the one who's sad.

Tears begin to flow down Ken's face too at that remark. He reaches up and touches his face, feeling the tears flowing down it.

Ken: (thinking) Tears? There are tears in my eyes too? Why? Why am I crying? If nothing else, maybe I can share the sorrow of losing Osamu-niisan with these people.

This might be the first time the whole family has ever really stopped to grieve Osamu. Being able to use Ken as a replacement goldfish meant that they didn't really have to. But now the reality of Osamu's death is settling in not just on Ken but on his parents too.

Weirdly enough, Ken packing his things and ragequitting into the Digital World might just have been the shock to the system that his family needed to understand how badly they were hurting their son.

In the dub:

Mother: Ken, don't worry, you're safe now. We'll find you the finest doctor in the world! Father: Ken, while you were sleeping, your mother and I realized that we tried to make you more like Sam without really knowing it. We're very sorry. We should have seen the son we had instead of spending our time constantly looking for the son that we lost.

That is a brilliant adaptation of that line. I love it.

Mother: Forgive us! All we're asking for is a second chance! Ken: (thinking) I don't know what it is they want from me. How can I forgive them when I don't understand what they did? Father: Sam is gone forever. We know that. But we don't want to lose you too. Mother: (crying) Just be Ken. Just be your sweet self. Ken, just try! Just try! Please, for me.... Ken: (thinking) Why is she crying? I don't understand. When I'm sad, I just go numb. (Ken starts crying) Ken: (thinking) Wait, there's tears in my eyes too. Why am I crying? Is my heart closer than I think? Maybe these people and I can share the pain and sorrow of losing Sam together.

Aside from the part where Ken's mom tries to throw money at him, this is really good.

Cut to later in the day. Ken's standing by the living room window, staring out into the city.

Ken: (thinking) I'm hollow... Because I don't know where my heart has gone.

Mom approaches from behind.

Mother: Ken-chan, dinner's ready. Ken: ... Mother: Ken-chan?

Ken's mom places a hand on his shoulder, which breaks him from his trance. He turns and looks at her.

Mother: It's okay. You don't have to force yourself.

Then Ken spots a framed photo of Osamu on the table in front of him. Without a word, he picks it up and takes a closer look at it. His eyes somber and quivering. Mom also tears up behind him.

Mother: Osamu-chan's death affected you the most, Ken-chan.

Mom's still being patient with Ken and trying to give him the space he needs.

In the dub:

Ken: (thinking) I'm still searching. I know the answer is out there. I just have to figure out where to look. (Mother approaches) Mother: Ken, honey, dinner's ready. (Mom grabs Ken's shoulder) Mother: Hungry? (Ken turns around) Mother: Oh, sorry I startled you. It's okay; You can eat whenever you're ready. (Ken picks up Sam's picture) Mother: That's Sam. He was your brother. (Ken and Mom tear up) Mother: We were all devastated after the accident, but you were the one affected the most.

The extra line explaining Sam kinda makes sense since Ken's parents think he has amnesia. But it also kinda doesn't because they were already talking to him about Sam one scene ago.

Back in Ken's room, he sits down at his computer desk to find a startling sight.

The Dark Digivice and the Crest of Kindness are both waiting for him on his keyboard. Suddenly, Ken flashes back on Wormmon. Two shots of Wormmon pleading with him not to go through with Chimeramon and then one shot of Wormmon with tears in his eyes, the moment before he tackled the Digimon Kaiser into the desert sands.

Ken: (mournful) Wormmon....

Ken stands up suddenly, forcefully. Filled with more determination than we've seen him this episode.

Mom knocks at the door.

Mother: Ken-chan? Would you like some tea?

She opens the door, bringing a plate with some snacks and a teacup into Ken's room.

Mother: (startled) KEN-CHAN!?!?

But the room is empty. With no explanation to his parents, Ken's gone missing once more. Here, have some more trauma.

In the dub, Ken has a line when he sees the Dark Digivice and Crest of Kindness.

Ken: I know what that is!

His flashbacks also have dialogue in them.

Wormmon: Please, Master. Wormmon: Listen to me. Wormmon: Where's the Ken I used to love? (End flashback) Ken: Oh, Wormmon... I know where to look now! (Knock at the door) Mother: Ken, dear, I made you a nice cup of tea! (Mom comes in) Mother: Ken? Where are you? Not again!

Probably goes without saying at this point but that dialogue isn't what Wormmon was saying in those flashbacks. They are, however, an accurate summation of what he was expressing.

In the Digital World, Ken wanders.

He starts out in a gray, craggy area.

Ken: Where is my heart?

Then he roams a desert.

Ken: I want to find my heart.

And then wanders through a grassy region. There, he comes across a sight that's familiar to fans of the first series: The Village of Beginnings.

Ken: What's this?

From a cradle by Ken's feet, a friendly Poyomon answers.

Poyomon: This is the Village of Beginnings. This is where Digimon who perish are reincarnated as Digitama. Ken: Reincarnated? Wormmon too!? Poyomon: Every Digimon reincarnates as a Digitama.

You know, Takeru and Hikari probably could have told you about that. But you've been an absolute piece of shit and everyone hates you. In any case, a reinvigorated Ken races off into the field of Digitama to find his Partner again.

It's a subtle visual representation but Ken's physical journey from dull, lifeless gray to the vibrant colors of the Field of Beginnings obviously represents his metaphysical trip back towards finding his heart.

In the dub, Ken's lines aren't spaced between regions. He narrates over the whole journey.

Ken: (thinking) I know this place. I've been here before. This is where I have to look. I know that this is where I will find my heart. (Ken arrives at Primary Village) Ken: (thinking) Digi-Eggs. Hundreds of them. What is this place!?

The dub takes its third commercial break upon Ken's arrival here. They also play him out with danger music, like Ken's just stumbled upon some sort of perilous cliffhanger. But it's a nursery full of babies so it doesn't really work. XD

Weird-ass choice, dub.

Anyway, the cliffhanger of Ken entering Primary Village is swiftly resolved when we come back via Ken... being in Primary Village. Which is harmless.

Poyomon: This is the Primary Village! Ken: Primary Village? Poyomon: That's right! Ken: Huh?

Awkwardly, Ken doesn't realize he's being spoken to until he's already responded once because the lip flaps he uses to respond are the ones for "What's this?"

Poyomon: This is the place where all Digimon are reborn and they come back as Digi-Eggs! Ken: Reborn!? Wormmon too?! Poyomon: That's right! Digimon never die! They just get reconfigured. Ken: (relieved) Hahaha!

They reincarnate, but yes. Digimon comes from Japan where reincarnation is a core facet of belief in one of the two major religions that dominate that region.

The dub is not from a region where reincarnation is accepted and normalized, however. So they interpret this simply as "Digimon never die". But unlike the first anime, they aren't saying it to delegitimize character deaths.

They let us grieve Wormmon and only now are making the "Digimon don't actually die though" point at the portion of the story that's actually about Wormmon's renewal. So, good on them for that restraint.

Ken sprints into the field of Digitama, but then slows to a stop. The field is vast and the Digitama are many.

Ken: I don't know... Which one is Wormmon? In the same way I don't know who I am, how am I supposed to tell which one is Wormmon's Digitama?

Thank you for explaining the symbolism, Ken.

Suddenly, a nearby baby Digimon speaks up.

Yuramon: Aren't you the Digimon Kaiser!? What do you plan on doing with Wormmon's Digitama!?

Before Ken can answer, the Yuramon tackles him. Ken puts up his arms to shield himself and the Yuramon bounces off his shoulder, but the emotional damage outweighs the physical.

Ken: The DIgimon Kaiser? That's right... I am the Digimon Kaiser. The person who did those awful things. I'm responsible for Wormmon's death. What am I even trying to accomplish by searching for Wormmon's Digitama!?

More babies in the cribs surrounding Ken answer that question for him.

Punimon: If you find his Digitama, then Wormmon will come back. Then you'll be free from your responsibility for Wormmon's death! Free from the guilt of causing someone to die. Is that it? Botamon: You coward. Wormmon would never reincarnate for an underhanded creep like you! Ken: Wormmon won't come back? ...that's right, Osamu-niisan never came back either.

...does Wormmon have a choice? This is the first I'm hearing of Digimon being able to choose to remain dead.

I really love all the characterization in this scene. I love that they don't pull punches with Ken's responsibility. Because... yes. Wormmon didn't just die for Ken. Ken caused his death. Ken abused him, neglected him, ignored him, created the thing that killed him, and was cheering it on while it did. It is 100% Ken's fault that Wormmon is dead.

This episode has primed us to sympathize with and better understand Ken. But even so, you can also feel where they're coming from when the babies form a line of solidarity against Wormmon's abuser and tell Ken to go jump off a bridge. He is aggressively unwelcome in the Village of Beginnings. I'm surprised Elecmon hasn't charged in and powerbombed him.

In the dub:

Ken: Which Egg is Wormmon's!? It could be any one of them! I can't remember. What did his Egg look like!?

Shot in the dark but you probably don't remember because you never saw it. None of the DigiDestined have ever been present for their Partner's first hatching. Well, Taichi kind of. And Takeru was there for the second.

Ken: I don't know which one of these Digi-Eggs is Wormmon's! Just like I don't remember who I am or where I'm from.... Yuramon: You're the Digimon Emperor, aren't you? Ken: Huh? Yuramon: I'd recognize you even without your fancy clothes! HIYAAAGH!!! (Yuramon attacks Ken) Ken: Huh? The Digimon Emperor? ...that's right, I was the Digimon Emperor! I've done so many terrible things! I was responsible for Wormmon! If I would have realized the truth about the Digi-World sooner, Wormmon would still be here with me today! Punimon: You don't want to find Wormmon's Digi-Egg because you miss him. You just don't want to feel guilty anymore over causing his destruction. After all you did, we're not going to welcome you back with open arms even if we had 'em! Botamon: What do you think's going to happen? Wormmon's just going to hatch so he can be treated badly by you all over again? Ken: Wormmon won't come back to me? Just like my brother Sam didn't come back to me after he left....

You can feel the threading of that needle. They can't say "killed", they can't say "died", they can't say "caused him to die". But they still do a pretty good job of conveying all the sentiments here, and only have to cheat with "destroyed" once.

Ken unpacks what the babies have told him.

Ken: (thinking) That's the reality I didn't want to accept. Osamu-niisan is dead. Wormmon is dead. They're dead because of me. Niisan, who I hated more than anything. Wormmon, who I thought was the most worthless thing in the world.

Ken drops to his knees under the relentless barrage of emotional damage.

Ken: I'm the one who's worthless. Ken: (thinking) I'm worthless. I'm a speck. And now I'm grieving over Wormmon's death. What if I was the one who died? Wormmon would grieve for me, of course. Wormmon might be the only one who'd grieve. Ken: And yet I.... Ken: (thinking) I lost Wormmon to my own destructive habits!

Ken flashes back on Wormmon's death. A silent flashback to Wormmon saying his last words and then disintegrating in Ken's arms.

Note the return of "What if I died?" Yeah, we're not done with that topic. Here, in his grief, Ken proposes that Wormmon is the only person who would mourn for him, which makes what Ken did to Wormmon so much worse.

In the dub:

Ken: (thinking) This is a truth I don't want to face. Wormmon's not coming back. Sam's not coming back either. I caused both of them to go away. I hated my brother for getting all of the attention. I hated Wormmon because I felt he wasn't worthy of me. Ken: The truth is, I wasn't worthy of him! Ken: (thinking) These hands... These hands have caused so much pain. Sure, put a textbook in them and I'm a genius. But put a whip in them and I'm the evil Digimon Emperor. How could I have allowed this to go so far? If I only had the chance.... Ken: I'd say sorry, Sam! I'M SORRY, WORMMON!!! (Flashback) Wormmon: Good... bye, Ken. (Wormmon dies) Ken: (choked up) Wormmon, no....

As usual, the dubbed flashback has dialogue. That is what they said in the original, too.

Ken clarifies why he hated Sam so much in this version, though you'd think he'd also be mad about the hitting.

The dub isn't touching the "If I died" point with a ten-foot pole. Gave that topic a wide berth and instead starting wandered off to talk more generally about the wickedness of the Digimon Emperor.

Returning from flashback, the babies have more to say.

Punimon: You can't take back what you did! Once something is done, it can't ever be undone. Botamon: You can't just act like the past didn't happen. It's all part of you. The good stuff and the bad stuff is all a part of you. Ken: I have to accept that it's all part of me and live with it.

Dropping to his hands and knees now, Ken's tears drip onto the village's colorful nursery grass.

Ken: That I'm the Digimon Kaiser. That Nii-san is dead. That I caused Wormmon to die. That's fine... I can do that... Because, Wormmon, just the memory of you being with me will give me the strength.

Fuck, now I'm crying. T_T Ken deserves every part of this verbal dunking but I can still be sad about it.

Suddenly, Ken realizes something and looks up.

Ken: That's right! Wormmon, you've always been with me. Back then, I used Osamu-niisan's Digivice to explore the Digital World with you. Did I forget these memories? Or, rather, did I force myself to suppress them? But why? Why did I want to forget!?

Yep, we aren't done delving into Ken's past just yet. It's time to find out what exactly happened on that day he first entered the Digital World.

In the dub:

Punimon: It's too late for you now! You can't turn back time! What's done is done! You've made your bed, now lie in it! I'd go on but I can't think of any more cliches!

Really. Wow. Dub Team does not like this part of the episode. I'm not even going to call that an Abridged Parody-ass line; That is a Nostalgia Critic-ass line.

Botamon: The point is, you can't run away from the past! You've caused enough damage here. Why don't you crawl back under the Control Spire you came out of! Ken: Can't I start over? (Ken drops to his hands and knees and starts crying) Ken: I know that I've caused you all a lot of pain as the Digimon Emperor but I'm truly sorry now. Please forgive me! The cruel things I've done in the past won't ever leave me but I've got to move on with my life. I promise to concentrate on the good things in the past, not the evil. (Ken suddenly looks up in shock) Ken: I'll use my memories of Sam and of Wormmon to make me stronger... But I can't seem to remember any of the good memories. Only the bad ones keep playing in my head over and over again. I've blocked out the good ones. I must force myself to remember the beginning! I must think back to the first time I used Sam's Digivice to go to the Digital World!

The dub version of this speech is centered more broadly on Ken's penance for the crimes of the Digimon Emperor, rather than his personal relationships with Wormmon and Osamu. My favorite part is when he says, "I promise to concentrate on the good things and not the evil" which is literally the opposite of "The good and bad are both a part of you and you have to accept that".

Original Ken is undergoing a psychological self-examination and rebuilding the broken foundation for who he is as a person. Dub Ken is praying to the babies for redemption, and it feels more hollow as a result.

I also love that he says "I've got to move on with my life" to the people he's frantically apologizing too. "Look, I'm really sorry and I'll keep being sorry for another five minutes or so but then I'm over it, yo. I can really only spend so much time making this up to you."

Entering into the final flashback of the episode, we find Ken exploring a desert with an older boy by his side.

The boy is not identified but that's Ryo Akiyama from the Tamer video games. We're seeing a flashback to something that happened during Ken's time costarring in Tag Tamers.

The show leaves him hanging out there as an "If you know, you know" detail.

While they're walking, Ken accidentally triggers a random encounter and a Wild Pokemon Appears.

Gazimon: GAZIIIIII!!! Wormmon: LOOK OUT, KEN-CHAN!!!

A Gazimon explodes from the sand screaming their name for some reason and lunging at Ken. Wormmon tackles them in the chest, knocking them flat on their back but taking himself out with the recoil.

Gazimon is a Child-stage-- No, we're not doing any of that this episode. While the Gazimon scampers off, Ken rushes to his Partner's side.

Ken: WORMMON!!!

I love how Wormmon does win that fight but still in the most pathetic way possible. Ken appreciated him more back then but not because he was any better at vanquishing Ken's foes.

I also love how Wormmon beating back a fierce opponent and doing more damage to himself than his foe but nonetheless prevailing and saving Ken is a miniature version of the Chimeramon battle itself. This scene is a meaningful parallel.

In the dub:

Gazimon: YAAAAAAAGH-- (Wormmon tackles Gazimon and wipes them both out) Ken: Wormmon!

Gazimon doesn't yell anything in particular and Wormmon doesn't say anything when he intervenes.

Hurrying to Wormmon's side, Ken cradles his Partner.

Ken: Wormmon... Wormmon! Wormmon: (weakly) I'm okay... That was nothing....

I should hope so. It was your attack. XD

Ken: Wormmon.... Wormmon: I'm so glad I'm your Partner, Ken-chan. Ken: (gasp) Wormmon: Because you're so kind. Ken: Kind?

Ken flashbacks-within-a-flashback to blowing bubbles on the balcony with Osamu.

Osamu: You're the best at blowing soap bubbles, Ken. It's because you blow them so gently. (End flashback) Wormmon: But kindness alone isn't enough. You have to get stronger. Or else.... Ken: Or else? Wormmon: Or else you'll be crushed by your own kindness. Ken: (gasp) Wormmon: Ken-chan, that Digivice you have is yours. It's not anyone else's; It belongs to you. Just like how your heart belongs to you and only you. Don't forget that. And... Ken: And...? Wormmon: Don't run away.

Ever the insightful one, Wormmon pre-emptively cuts through all the bullshit surrounding "Osamu's" Digivice and in the process makes a meaningful statement about Ken himself. And even references Wizarmon's prophecy too while he's at it, because Wizarmon also fucking said that kindness alone is not enough.

It's just a shame that Ken got all of Wormmon's advice smacked out of his hand after he went home.

Wormmon is the Gabumon of this series. He has to do a lot of intensive emotional labor for the sake of a Partner who resists personal growth and is more stubborn than a bag of rocks. But eventually he starts to get there.

In the dub:

Ken: Wormmon! You okay? Wormmon: (weakly) I'm okay. It will take a lot more than him to beat me. Ken: Right! Wormmon: Ken, I'm really glad that I'm your Digimon and we're Partners. Ken: Huh? Wormmon: You're gentle and kind. That's why I like you. Ken: Huh? I'm gentle? (Flashback) Sam: Your bubbles come out perfect because you're gentle. I blow too hard and mine pop right away. (End Flashback)

I really like the way Wormmon conflates gentleness and kindness here in order to recapture the element of 優しい yasashii that was supposed to be a part of the bubble-blowing scene.

They couldn't make Ken's Crest virtue pop in that scene, but they use this flashback to have Wormmon harken back to it and go, "Actually, that was about his Crest virtue," retroactively.

Wormmon: But being gentle is not enough. You have to be strong as well. Otherwise, Ken.... Ken: Otherwise what? Wormmon: Your gentleness and kindness will become overpowered by those who are evil. Ken: Oh. Wormmon: It happens.

XD It happens. I don't think they knew what to make of the phrase "You'll be crushed by your own kindness".

To be honest, I'm not 100% on it either but I think Wormmon's referring to the exhausting effects of empathy overwhelm. Which a lot of us are familiar with these days.

Wormmon: The Digivice that you have belongs to you and not Sam. You're DigiDestined and no one can take that away from you. Evil forces will try to tell you otherwise but you can't listen to them! Never forget who you are! Ken: I won't! Wormmon: Do you promise?

They're roping in a lot of "evil forces" for this version of the speech. But at least they don't dismiss Wormmon's statements as "saying cliches" and refuse to engage with any of it. I'm still salty about that.

Returning from the flashback, Ken unpacks what he's just remembered.

Ken: It wasn't true that I didn't have anything. It was just easier to think that. Easier to resent Nii-san for it.

Ken folds his arms over his chest and cries.

Ken: I'm sorry, Osamu-niisan. I'm sorry, Wormmon. For the rest of my life, I'll accept those things that can't be undone.

This is where Ken finishes his delve into his past: With the acceptance that he can't go back. He can't change what happened to him, nor can he undo the way he felt in those moments or the things he's done to others.

In the same way that his parents can't go back and be better parents to their sons retroactively, Ken can't erase the way he resented Osamu. He can't erase the things he's done. He can't unkill Wormmon*. Those things happened and are a part of him now, and that's what he has to live with.

*Well, kind of. Wormmon is going to reincarnate like every Digimon, but Ken still can't take back what he said and did to Wormmon that led to that moment. Those things still happened.

In any case, this is the answer to the question of Ken's heart. This is Ken's heart. Everything that's been unpacked up to this point. The neglect and abuse inflicted on him and the cruelty that's come from him, but also the love and compassion that's been shared with him. Everything that's happened to bring him to this point is the totality of Ken's identity.

This revelation causes his Crest of Kindness to suddenly activate. Ken, startled, takes it out and stares at it. The one baby that doesn't hate his guts explains.

Poyomon: That's your Crest! Ken: My Crest?

Useful. Thanks.

As Ken's Crest glows, so too does a single Digitama across the nursery field. That same pink energy, the holy light of Ken's Kindness, lights it up. Inside the egg, an anxietous Baby Digimon waits.

Baby: Come and find me, Ken-chan! Hurry up and find me! Hurry! HURRY!!!

Ken does not hurry. He slowly approaches the Digitama and inspects it carefully.

Ken: This Digitama... Why is it glowing?

Good question. I'm sure there are many probable answers to that. Sometimes Digitama glow randomly. You should probably pay it no mind.

In the dub:

Ken: I broke my promise because I did forget. My whole life, I was trying to be someone else. Whether it was acting tough as the Digimon Emperor or trying to be more like Sam. (Ken breaks down crying) Ken: I've never been Ken. But I'm going to spend the rest of my life being the kind and gentle person that Wormmon wanted me to be!

Dub Ken's epiphany is that he needs to stop faking his personality and just be himself. Everything he's done as the Digimon Emperor was insincere and was just Ken "acting tough" out of insecurity.

There's an odd implication there that I don't know if it was intentional. That Ken started "acting tough" after Wormmon told him he needs to toughen up so he can throw hands at anyone who tries to take advantage of him kinda makes it seem like the Digimon Emperor is Wormmon's fault too.

I wonder if they meant to imply that?

(Ken's Crest glows) Ken: What's this? Poyomon: That's your Crest of Kindness! Ken: Are you sure it's mine? (Digi-Egg starts glowing) Baby: Ken, please find me! Please find me soon! Ken: That DigiEgg is different from the others.... Baby: Hurry, Ken! Ken: Something tells me I've seen it before. It's glowing just like the Crest of Kindness!

I don't know what's telling you that because you haven't.

The dub explicitly calls it the Crest of Kindness while Poyomon only calls it a Crest in the original. Though it's worth noting that we do know by this point what Ken's Crest is. Wormmon said it two episodes ago in his final moments.

Ken reaches out and grasps the Digitama. It glows even brighter and then pops, turning into a cradle with a little baby Leafmon inside of it.

NEW BABY JUST DROPPED

Leafmon is, of course, named for the leafy tail appendage that they use to shyly conceal themselves. Of course Wormmon's baby form would be a timid little thing.

Ken: Worm.. mon...? Leafmon: Ken-chan?

Ken starts crying at the sight of his reborn Partner.

Leafmon: You came looking for my egg?

Ken nods, then picks Leafmon up out of the cradle.

Ken: Yeah, I did. I searched everywhere for it. Leafmon: That's great! I knew you'd come find me! Ken: Wormmon.... Leafmon: What is it, Ken-chan? Ken: Thank you for being born.

This last line, "生まれて来てくれてありがとう Umarete kite kurete arigatou", is a Japanese expression that means pretty much exactly what it says. It's a way of expressing gratitude to someone for the positive influence that their existence has had on your life.

Wormmon tears up too at Ken's expression of fondness, and Ken embraces his Partner.

In the dub:

Leafmon: Hi, Ken! I'm Leafmon, the Baby form of Wormmon. (Ken cries, nods, and picks up Leafmon) Ken: I kept searching for you! I never stopped! Leafmon: Ken, thank you. You took a little detour in getting there but you kept your promise. Ken: What promise? Leafmon: Being kind and gentle. Ken: Thank you for giving me a second chance.

What do you mean, "What promise?" You just lamented like a minute ago that you broke your promise.

In the original, this conversation is about Ken and Wormmon's emotional bond. Leafmon is initially surprised that Ken came to find him, which makes sense given how Ken's treated him up to this point. Three episodes ago, the very idea that the Digimon Kaiser would care if Wormmon was gone was laughable.

But then Leafmon takes it back and admits that he had faith Ken would come. Despite everything Ken has become, Leafmon still believes in the boy he knew all those years ago. And, in this moment, that faith is rewarded with Ken's gratitude.

In the dub, this conversation is about Ken's atonement. "Thank you for being born" has become "Thank you for giving me a second chance". Ken intends to try harder to live up to Wormmon's expectations for him, and Leafmon acknowledges that he's on the right path.

While Ken hugs Leafmon, he thinks about the other relationships in his life and responds to a question he asked earlier, about who would grieve if he was the one who died.

Ken (V.O.): I'm so glad that Wormmon's alive. But is Wormmon the only person who's glad that I'm alive? No, of course not.

Back in the human world, we find Ken's mom weeping in the living room while his dad tries to console her.

Mother: HE MIGHT NOT COME BACK THIS TIME!!! Father: (worried) Don't be ridiculous! Of course he'll come back!

Suddenly, the door to Ken's room opens and he enters the living room.

Mother: KEN-CHAN!?!? Father: Where have you been!? Mother: We thought you disappeared again!

Stunned, Ken watches his mother cry.

Ken: (thinking) She's crying... Mom's crying because I went away... Ken: ...Mama.... Father: What was that? Mother: What did you say? "Mama"? Did you say "Mama"!? Ken: Mama... Thank you for giving birth to me.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Ken's mom pulls him into a hug and cries with relief.

Ken: Papa... I'm sorry I made you worry.

Ken's dad responds with a silent but affectionate pat on the head.

This, in turn, is the answer to the other question. The question of who would even miss Ken if he died. A question that's haunted him since those early days, that we already saw the answer to when he did erase himself from this world, but that Ken only now understands.

Please pay no attention to the continuity error, in that Ken's room was presented as being at the end of a hallway in previous episodes but now it opens directly into the living room.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I wonder... If I was the one who was gone instead of Sam, would Wormmon be the only one who would miss me? Mmm... No, I don't think so. (Cut to crying parents) Mother: This time he might not come back at all! Father: Don't say such things. He'll be back! I'm sure of it! (Ken returns) Mother: KEN!!! Father: Ken! Where have you been!? Mother: We've been so worried about you! Ken: (thinking) Now I understand why she's crying. She missed me. Just like I missed Wormmon. Ken: Mama.... Father: What... did you say? Mother: He said "Mama". That means... he knows me! Ken: Mama! I'll give you that second chance if I can have one. (Mom hugs Ken) Ken: Thanks for being such great parents.

They are not. Like. Half the point of this episode is how badly their parenting has damaged their children. Weird thing to say right after offering a second chance, which implicitly acknowledges that they fucked up.

I actually really like the "I'll give you a second chance if I can have one" line but the follow-up kinda ruins it.

The dub lays the parallel here bare: As Ken's parents have fucked up their stewardship of their son, so too has Ken fucked up his stewardship of Wormmon and of the Digital World more broadly. These two things are not exactly the same. But they are the same kind of things.

The way Ken feels for the loss of Wormmon is the same as what his parents feel for their losses of Osamu and Ken. And as Ken gets a second chance to do better by Wormmon, so too do his parents get a second chance to do better by Ken. The dub drags this subtext out into literal text and they are right, that is what the episode is saying.

But their attempt at figuring out an organic English-sounding translation for "Thank you for giving birth to me" leaves much to be desired. XD

While Ken embraces his family, we close in on the photo of Osamu on the table under the windowsill.

Ken (V.O.): For the first time, I feel like I can now say this, Osamu-niisan: "Thank you for everything".

As he says this, we close on a shot of Leafmon hiding behind the bedroom door. Leafmon in the human world for the very first time, finally welcome as a part of Ken's real human life.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): And now I can finally say it: Thank you, Sam, for helping me find my heart. Narrator: Now that Ken is no longer the Digimon Emperor, will he join the DigiDestined? Find out on the next Digimon: Digital Monsters!

I was all set to be like "Fuck you, get out of here, Narrator! We're having a moment!" But actually, the Narrator doesn't try to make a spooky cliffhanger out of this like he usually does and instead asks a fairly valid question. So you get a pass this time, Dub Narrator.

So, did we find out the answer to last episode's question: Is T.K. right about the DigiDestined having a new enemy?

Well... It wasn't a big part of the episode but that email Ken got sure was ominous. So that probably counts. I'm gonna give this to 'em only on the thinnest possible margin.

Assessment: Okay, yeah, I can see why we needed to go on wacky piss adventures before doing this. This episode is complicated as fuck.

It doesn't really absolve Ken of the things that he's done but it also doesn't purport to. It says in no uncertain terms that those things are a part of him, just as his family's emotional abuse and some physical abuse from Osamu are, and just as the good times he shared with Osamu as well are. It's all part of the greater whole that makes up Ichijouji Ken, a Greater 'Hole.

You can even see parallels in the way Ken treated his Digimon versus his own upbringing. In particular, there's something interesting in the way Ken's parents neglected him in favor of his exceptional brother and how it relates to Ken's own snubbing of Wormmon in favor of first Agumon and then the exceptional Chimeramon.

Ken took the worst parts of his perception of his parents and his brother, and he magnified them in the Digimon Kaiser. He learned it from watching them and passed it along but without any of the nuance. There were good times as well as bad with Osamu and his parents, but he distilled only the bad into the Kaiser, the manifestation of Ken cracking under the pressure of becoming Osamu's replacement goldfish.

This episode goes a long way towards humanizing Ken while keeping its focus limited on Ken's backstory and relationship with Wormmon. We do see in his encounter with Punimon and Botamon that he despite the progress he makes here, he is very much unwelcome in the Digital World and understandably so.

But his willingness to accept himself, to accept the totality of himself, nonetheless sees both Ken and his parents rewarded with a second chance to be better for the people they love.

[godblooded]

where’s @sorrowmarked i’m starting the 2020 digimon adventure.

[moonfurthetemmie]

Almomon, Lord of Nightmares, Terror in the Dark, Bringer of Shadows, Bitch Supreme

that last one is a joke. just to be clear.

also everyone say thank you fantasy name generator

11'

far stronger than they look, but even so, most of their power is magical, not physical.

technically that's a spider leg and not a tail but for our purposes its a tail

I went back and forth on whether or not they should glow. so i went with some glow.

The wings are a bit like Dreamtale Lanny's, in that they're not actually functional. They can still hover over the ground, but it has nothing to do with their wings. in fact, those wings might not even be there, but they always seem to have them so it's certainly a very consistent illusion if not.

they're even older than Kevin, and Kevin is Fucking Old.

you can see now why H!DS Bobby's body is getting so weirdly long and lanky.

The 'nightmares' in their title is mostly the metaphorical kind. like. living nightmares. but lets be real the shit you see from them will give you literal nightmares too

also ability ideas. They're somwhat tied to the state of their vessel. When they first possessed Bobby, there wasn't a lot they could do, but as time goes on and their vessel becomes less human, they're able to do much, much more.

Illusions/hallucinations: They can make everyone in the area, or one single person, see something that's not there, or see someone/something as someone/something else. It looks like reality bending, but it's just your perception of it. this will be relevant to the h!ds/ds crossover.

As I said before; they can hover over the ground. Can't really fly, though.

They can see some of your deepest fears. Works a lot better once they get their actual body, though.

Y’know how unicorns make stuff float and move around in MLP:FIM? yeah that. Just. With their hands, not the horn(s) on their head. It has the same visual effect and everything. it's the same color as those 'fireballs' in their hands.

Due to the esoteric nature of their magic, there’s not a whole lot that anyone can do to neutralize it, or keep them out of a place. (This may go for Spindle too; I don’t remember if he can do any magic-y things now)

through methods yet unknown to me (and which they probably wouldn't explain anyway), they can sense humans and monsters around them. Not other demons though. kevin's gonna bite them in the ass (probably joking)

bonus: Ver. 1 from around H!DS' creation:

MAJOR improvements

[erenists]

Gojo notices you for the first time on a Tuesday. You’re standing by the lockers, struggling with a key that keeps slipping out of your perfectly manicured fingers, wearing this tiny pink sweater that looks like it belongs in a pop star’s closet.

He’s not trying to stare. He’s really not.

He’s supposed to be flipping through his Digimon forum on his phone, checking on a debate about whether Wargreymon could beat Beelzemon in a hypothetical fight (he totally could). But his brain blanks the second he catches sight of you.

You’re like... a Disney princess if she got dropped into the middle of their ugly beige school hallways.

Lip gloss shining. Hair perfect. Little clueless frown on your face as you poke at your locker.

And maybe it’s stupid, but something about it makes Gojo’s heart thud.

He watches you finally wrestle the locker open with a triumphant little squeak, giggling to yourself. The sound actually makes him smile like an idiot.

(He immediately ducks his head, pretending to be very invested in his phone.)

You notice him, too.

Because how could you not? He’s tall and kind of awkward, standing there with a backpack covered in little Digimon pins and messy white hair falling over round blue-tinted glasses.

You tilt your head, curious. He doesn’t match the hallway’s vibe. At all. Too bright. Too weird. You like it. You give him a little smile—soft, polite, almost teasing.

He freezes.

Actually freezes.

You think he might bolt like a spooked cat, but instead, he lifts one hand in a clumsy, half-hearted wave.

You giggle under your breath and turn back to your locker, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. He watches you walk away, feeling like someone just unplugged his brain.

In another life, maybe he would’ve said something. Asked your name. Told you about the Digivice buried in his backpack.

But today, it’s just a glance. A smile. A spark. Something small. Something real. And Gojo thinks— (he hopes) it might not be the last time.

A/n: so... Part two?? or nah.. lol... part 2!

[hxney-lemcn]

Late Night Chaos — Daisuke x gn! reader

summery: you share your first kiss with Daisuke.

tw: idk, insecure reader?

a/n: this turned out kinda meh, starting to burn out, I'll start with the actual plot in the next one.

wc: 1.4k

Master List

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine

You hadn’t meant to peek. You honestly thought it was a book you forgot you brought. Well, that was until you noticed the leather book had no title, which you then assumed was a sketch book your parents gave you in a misguided attempt as a gift that somehow ended up in your book pile. But when you opened it you realized you were sorely mistaken, sketches of pokemon, digimon, and the crew littered the pages. This was Daisuke’s sketch book. Not only was it because no one else on board would draw pokemon (as far as you knew), but the farther into the book you went, the more the pages were just filled with images of you. Whether it be just little stick figures of you and Daisuke holding hands, or full on detailed sketches of your face, all the way to your name doodled on the corners with his last name (or vice versa). 

Oh gosh, you felt like a monster. You weren’t supposed to be seeing these. Daisuke must've left it in your room by accident and here you were paging through it without his permission. You were a terrible partner. Snapping the book close, you squeezed your eyes shut. Why the hell did you keep looking? Damn you and your curiosity, you broke a boundary that you only hoped could be mended. 

With determination to make this right, you marched out of your room, the small book clutched to your chest. Thankfully it wasn’t too late, you had just been getting ready for sleep when you stumbled upon it after all. Honestly, it was surprising Daisuke wasn’t with you already, the two of you shared a room more often than not these days. It wasn’t a far walk to his rooms, everyone's sleeping quarters were close to each other. Knocking on his door, you didn’t have to wait long, the open door revealing Daisuke with his gameboy in hand.  “Hey,” You greeted.

“Hey,” He replied back, glancing up at you before quickly looking back at his game. “Jus’ give me a sec. I’m almost done with this level.”

“Okay,” You murmured, shuffling over to sit on his bed. That made Daisuke paused for a second, glancing at you once again and noticed your nervous expression. Biting his lip, he let out a groan when the game let out the familiar sound of losing, you had unintentionally distracted him and he failed again. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tossed the handheld console to the side, plopping down next to you. He needed a break anyways, he had been trying to beat that level for thirty minutes straight.

“What’s up?” Diauke asked, tilting his head to get a better look at you.

“I’m sorry,” You apologized, holding his sketchbook out to him. “I didn’t realize it was yours and I looked through it. I should’ve stopped when I realized it wasn’t mine but I kept looking. I am so sorry.”

Taking the book from your hands, Daisuke put it to the side and instead gently grabbed your hands, a small smile tugged at his lips, “Hey, it’s alright. I don’t mind, not that big of a deal.”

You paused, staring at him, eyes wide and slightly confused, “You’re not angry? Aren’t those personal? I went through your stuff.” It was like you were trying to justify your guilt, not able to accept the fact that you had probably over thought the whole ordeal. Not able to accept the fact that you could be forgiven so easily. Why wasn’t he angry? Or annoyed? Sure, he always seemed laidback and carefree, but he was still human. You had seen him insecure, and bummed out, it wasn’t out of the wheelhouse to see him at least peeved as well. 

“It was an accident,” He shrugged, rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand. “And it’s mostly just silly doodles, nothing to get upset about. I’d let you look at them if you asked…or even give you a few.”

“There seemed to be a few personal ones,” You murmured, hands tightening around his own, but your argument sounded weak even to you. 

Letting go of your hands, Daisuke opened his sketch book and flipped to an image of you with little hearts surrounding it, a mischievous grin on his face, “You mean the ones like this?”

You opened your mouth, face warming at how nonchalant he was about it. Glaring at him you huffed, “I can’t stand you.”

“Is it a crime to draw the one you love?” Daisuke asks dramatically, putting a hand over his heart. 

“Yes,” You responded in a deadpan tone. 

With a pout, he replied, “Well, you can’t blame me for wanting to draw something pretty.” 

Giving in to your impulses, you leaned forward and smooshed his cheeks in between your hands, “You can’t just say things like that and get away with it.”

Daisuke merely giggled, grin brightening under your palms. This was supposed to ease your cute aggression, not make it worse, but it seemed you still didn’t have a full understanding of your emotions. Perhaps you never will fully understand it, but what you did know was that you were going to make him pay for his crimes. 

Leaning forward, you place a short kiss on his forehead. Your heart jumped when you made eye contact, his brown eyes shining, watching you in awe. It pushed you to go further, moving your palms from squishing his cheeks to holding his jaw, assaulting his face with fluttering kisses. You made sure you didn’t miss an inch, stomach twisting in knots at how much affection you were sharing, but also feeling oddly content. When you finished, you pulled away enough to make eye contact once more. 

Daisuke felt his heart pound in his chest, his cheeks warm and eyes wide in awe. You had been pretty reserved in your relationship so far, not that he minded. You were clearly out of your depth, unsure how to accept and offer physical affection, but your kind actions and words showed how much you cared. Although he was also new to the whole dating thing, being affectionate with you had become second nature to him. Having you not only act first, but cross a boundary neither of you dared to cross took his breath away and made him feel all melty. 

Sure, you hadn’t kissed him on the lips, but neither of you had done more than hold the other. The feeling of your lips continued to warm his skin, and he couldn’t help but wish you just laid one on him, but he also respected your wishes. If you weren’t ready for that, he wouldn’t push. He wanted you to go at your own pace since you were clearly more uncertain in the relationship. 

“You missed,” Daisuke teased, watching you with a warm gaze.

Pouting Scowling, you smooshed his cheeks again, causing him to laugh. Your blood thrummed in your ears, your heart speeding up and you continued to feel more confident in your actions. You glanced down at his lips, should you…? Was that him giving you the okay? Were you even ready for that?

Apparently tonight was a night of acting instead of thinking for you. Relaxing your hold on his face, you placed the shortest peck on his lips in recorded human history. Daisuke barely felt it, but it still made his breath hitch. You had actually kissed him, lip to lip, the whole smoocharoo. You stared at each other, wide eyed and hearts beating in tandem. Such a simple moment for some was world changing for you both.

“Can…can we do that again?” Daisuke whispered, scared to break the atmosphere.

You nodded, a shaky okay spilling from your lips. It was Daisuke’s turn to act first, closing the gap between you and pressing your lips in a light kiss. You press your lips to his a bit firmer, but your inexperience shows as you're left unsure how to proceed. You felt a bit embarrassed, but it was hard to keep that thought as Daisuke smiled so much you ended up having to pull away. 

“We gotta work on that,” He muttered, his grin betraying his giddiness. 

“I think you just want more kisses,” You murmured back, feeling your heart skip a beat. 

“Can you blame me?” He laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”

“Must be your lucky day then.”

“The luckiest.”

[whalesforhands]

what’s yours is mine (10/?)

previous masterlist next

pairing: geto suguru x reader x gojo satoru

You don’t know a lot of things, and you readily admit that. What you do know, is that the friends you’ve made aren’t something you will ever regret. Until your physical body weakens and becomes nothing, you’re more than happy to give your all until you wither away.

What’s yours can be theirs, too. They’re your friends, after-all. (Omegaverse AU)

“Betas, as we all know make up the main bulk of our world,” A circle is drawn around the ‘β’ sign, chalk flaking off as it taps against the blackboard. “But what about Omegas? Does anyone remember what the sign for it looks like?”

Silence. The lead of a pencil cracks when it’s unceremoniously dropped onto the floor, inciting the complaints of students that wanted to do anything but study.

“Amachi-sensei! Please don’t give us another surprise quiz…!” A student whose name escapes your mind sounds out, their hand raised into the air and a pout on their cheeks.

(You’re not really that close with any of your other classmates. Not even acquainted enough to remember their names…)

“Oh my, if you’re asking me like that I really don’t mind making one for all of you right now.” She huffs as she crosses her arms, shaking her head at the room full of her own students.

“Students must be prepared for anything, you know? A quick reminder doesn’t hurt!”

A collective groan and whines of complaints form a chorus of exasperated children.

“Always so excitable, aren’t you, kids?” Her tone is stale as her flats click against polished wooden floors, standing before the class as she adjusts her glasses. “But I’m reviewing this topic again for your sakes! This is your final year as an elementary student and now that you’re all 12,”

A clap of her hands together as she smiles, the apples of her cheeks blushed pink and the mole by her lip stretching out with her expression.

“It’s the year you present your secondary genders! I’m sure you’re all quite excited, are you not?”

Unfortunately for you, you didn’t quite catch any of that. Not one word managed to float into your attentive ears as Suguru flips through your textbook in your stead, inconspicuously making sure that it looked like you were at least following along.

You would be, if you weren’t so distracted.

“Today’s curse is cute too.” It really is. With flappy wings that looked too small for its body, a smooth, round and squishy body with wide, wide eyes that barely blinked—And the way it kept making little ‘chu!’ noises as it floated all around you. “It looks all blobby and chubby.”

(It’s a real wonder how it even flies. Maybe the laws of gravity don’t apply to cursed spirits.)

“You like it, right? I caught it just cause I thought you might.”

“Mhm. I like all the cute looking ones.”

Because Geto Suguru was one of those ‘cursed energy’ users, and Gojo Satoru had deemed him ‘capable’ enough, given what he had claimed to see through those pretty eyes of his that you’re too familiar with.

“Suguru’s different!” He’s huffing at you as he pokes at your cheek, jabbing the pads of his fingers into them as your head steams with all the information he had just dumped onto you in one fell swoop.

“He’s born with a technique and stuff. Real potential and everythin’.”

(Technique… The thing that people are born with and are supposedly meant to gain better control of as they grow older.)

“Bwut yuuu sfaid—“ He finally releases you. “Shoko doesn’t have a technique either…?” Or did you hear wrong? Was she able to officially learn this ‘Jujutsu’ because she did in fact have one? Or is she just special like Satoru because she’s rich too? Your head is really starting to feels like it was desperately trying to work cogs that haven’t been oiled in far too long.

It’s just not clicking.

“She’s different cause she’s like…” His eyes squint at you as your cheeks go back to being abused by hands that took too much interest in them. “Like a Band-Aid in Digimon.”

“But like a really, really weak Band-Aid and stuff. So she’s not a cure all like a Medicine. If ya go crazy in the head she can’t help.” You can see his grin grow all the more when he pulls at your cheeks and squishes them together.

“Hmph! Now she’s not as cool as ya thought, right?” He’s back to that proud smugness in his expression, eyes sparkly and so full of pride. “I still got the best one out of all of ‘em!”

(“So… She’s a like a Hyper Potion in Pokemon?” Just to put it in terms you understand better, anyway. Digimon’s tough.

“Hyper Potion’s too powerful. Treat ‘er like one of those super useless small purple ones that barely heal anything.”

“Those are supposed to only be good early game, though.”)

“Remember to ask your parents to sign your acknowledgment form for the checkup! Did everyone receive a copy?”

“Yes, Amachi-sensei!”

“Then class is dismissed— Don’t forget!”

It looks like Satoru wasn’t coming today either, it seems. Not even when third period rolled about and you were huddled up next to Shoko’s side as her head leans against your shoulder under the shade of the tree in the school courtyard, chatter in your ears and a yawn escaping your mouth.

(You think he must be really busy with his particular rich people stuff. You hope he’s at least eating well.)

Physical education was never your most favourite of classes. Partly because you just couldn’t seem to be good at anything that had to do with sports, and mostly because of all the sweat.

(And also, they separate the boys and girls. At least Suguru’s having fun playing basketball.)

“You have a pretty bad sense of smell, (last name)-chan! Maybe you’ll be a Beta?” Hayashi Yume is one of the few names that you actually do remember. A loud personality and openness to talking to everybody making it a breeze for her to get along with absolutely anyone.

Even you.

(When Gojo Satoru isn’t around, anyway. Suguru seems to think of her of a friend. Shoko too.)

There’s no fighting the most popular topic amongst the final year elementary students. No helping in the fact that this was all on each and everyone’s minds… But you just can’t really bring yourself to care.

“…what do you wanna be, Hayashi-san?” Just to change the topic away from you, away from this sudden spotlight that you don’t want. It was hard making a choice on this already… You don’t want to be ambiguous about it all over again should you be swayed.

“Oh, oh! I wanna be an Alpha, of course!” She gushes and squeals, hands on her cheeks and face alight with a blush so adorned with excitement. “My mother says it’s a one-way ticket to being successful in life! That’s why all the lead roles in movies are always played by ‘em!”

“Ehhh? But that’s just movies, though. Ya wanna be an actor or something?” Nishikawa Emi— You think. Hayashi-san’s best friend and possibly one of the few people in this school willing to talk to you despite your social circle.

You like her. She does the talking for you when you don’t know how to carry on— And you really like her nose bridge because it reminds you of your Saya-chan.

“N-No—“ A sigh, and crossed arms that finally loosen. “Fine, y-yea! I wanna be a famous movie star one day!”

(Hayashi Yume is really easy to read.)

“Pfft—“

“Stop laughing, Emi-tan!”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’d rather be an Omega.” Nishikawa Emi nods to herself, her head tilted to the side, strong gaze flickering from her best friend to you and Shoko as her arms cross. “They got it really easy, no? Look pretty and they got any Alpha or Beta wrapped around their finger.”

“Eh…? Emi-tan, I thought fair-o-mones only affected Alphas and Omegas…?” Yume scratches at her head, her expression in clear confusion as she tries to recall the lesson they just had— Social Studies was always so difficult for no reason.

“Omegas are pretty enough to charm anyone, duh. My sister gave me a magazine and it was just full of pretty Omegas, and not even one of ‘em was ugly, so it’s gotta be true.”

“Huh…? Really…?”

(“(last name)-chan agrees.”

You think Nishikawa is right. Your Mama is super, duper, extremely heart-stoppingly beautiful. The prettiest around, even your Saya-tan would pale in comparison, and the old couple that lives across your home agree whenever you pop yourself through their gate to get the snacks they keep offering you.

“Mhm.”)

Only two out of three were mentioned to be positive. This must be what Amachi-sensei must have been talking about when she was going on about how there was a ‘bias’ and that ‘people don’t think everything can be equal’.

(Kinda makes sense now, you guess. But you’ll still keep true to your Beta favouritism. What’s so bad about being the most common? You would be able to fit in with lots and lots of people. Common interests save relationships! According to the daily advice channel, anyway.)

“Shoko, what do you wanna be?” It’s whispered and soft— Mindful of how she was quietly snoozing away on your shoulder as you feel her shift, hear her breaths shorten and her see her eyelashes flutter.

“Dunno…” She replies with a tone sluggish and tired, yet somehow able to perfectly comprehend your question. So she was listening despite being asleep. “Everything sounds like a pain to deal with. Don’t wanna choose…” And she’s back into dreamland.

An ambiguous answer.

“Ehhh? Ieiri-chan,” Yume shakes the sleepy girl’s shoulder. “You gotta at least like— Aaah!”

Maybe it’s your weird sense of heroism, the odd feeling of responsibility that came with being the person you are that you’re lunging towards the classmate that you didn’t know all that well, forcing her head down before the basketball could make direct impact with her face.

At the very least, you hope you don’t get a nosebleed. Please don’t let the hit be too hard, please don’t let it break your nose and require you to have emergency surgery like in that one movie Geto-papa played for everyone because Geto-mama didn’t allow you all to watch that one horror movie—!

Your eyes squeeze shut, teeth clenched and jaw tightened. Please, please please please please…!

And— Nothing. Just air in your face, a breeze in your ears and the familiar, panicked sound of a ‘chu!’ as you hear something akin to a spring bouncing. The basketball rebounds off of the poor curse, making it take the brunt of the impact and a surprised squeak escaping it—

Before you watch it get recalled back.

Suguru.

“Ahh! Sorry, sorry! We didn’t mean ta let the ball get so far out of court!” You hear the stampede of feet, the smell of sweat and the feeling of your heartbeat trying to recover from all that adrenaline. “You girls al’right?”

“(last name)-chan almost got hit in the face saving me! Do you boys have no manners at all?!” It’s Hayashi that’s clinging onto you, her arms around your neck as her eyes are teary and her nose was starting to run— A clear show of how touched she was by your actions, before she’s standing up to match the boy’s height to ensue an argument.

(She was always the overdramatic kind. But it works out for you ‘cause heroes always love a good damsel in distress.)

“I said I was sorry!”

“You can’t even keep a single ball in court! What would’ve happened if (last name)-chan wasn’t here and Emi-tan didn’t catch Ieiri-chan?!”

(Mama did once say that people who argue like an old couple may get married one day. Best of wishes to Hayashi-san and… The boy that you can’t seem to remember the name of.)

“You didn’t get hit, right?” A hand settles on your head from above, before helping you to stand up from your tumbled position on the ground. Your eyes flicker up to meet droplets of purple reflecting spots of sunlight, noir hair hastily tied into a miniature ponytail and strands blowing in the wind, whilst the sweat on his furrowed brow was frowned into a panic.

He’s patting your face, your hair, cheeks, eyes, nose— “I’m just checking for bumps. You sure you didn’t get hit?”

“Mn.” You have to assure him as you take out your handkerchief from your pocket, dabbing at the sweat on his forehead and trying to soften the deep furrow. “Of course I didn’t. You’re the one who saved me.”

And you have full trust in him, no matter what. Shouldn’t that be expected? Suguru’s the coolest person you know.

(And Ieiri Shoko remains asleep, even when Suguru is checking you over once more and had to begrudgingly leave with the rest of the boys whilst muttering something under his breath— With the ball tightly clenched in his hands.

Shoko’s now snoozing on Nishikawa’s shoulder as she stays deep within her dream… That drama she was talking about must’ve been really nice.

“Wow… Ieiri-chan must be really tired.”

“…she was studying really hard for the math quiz all night.” Anything to save your dear Shoko’s reputation.

“What?! We have a math quiz?!”

Suguru’s team won the match, by the way. You saw a lot of the opposing team members practically drag themselves to class with bruised faces and sore arms.)

——

“Remember,” Her hand smooths down the messy strands of your bed head, your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and your eyes groggily blinking at your blurry reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“I’ll love you no matter what you are, okay?” The hairbrush gently combs through locks of your hair, her breathing soft yet just that little bit breathless.

You don’t need much to discern that she was nervous, don’t need superpowers to be able to tell that your Mama was scared. The slightest tremble in her hands, the way she was picking at every strand of your hair that was seemingly ‘out of place’.

But you don’t— Won’t share the same sentiments. Because you don’t care much for this kind of thing. It’s just like taking a test, right?

One that you can’t study for or any of your friends to tutor you for, but still a test all the same.

“It doesn’t matter which one you turn out to be. You’re still you no matter which one, and that won’t change.” A minty exhale accompanied by her very evident stress, her hands fussing over every strand of your already very brushed out hair.

(Was it bad that you didn’t think this was that big of a deal?)

“Mhm…” You’re awake enough to know not to talk with your mouth foaming with toothpaste, awake enough to be aware of how there was just something in the air that had your Mama acting like this today.

(Maybe it’s one of those Heat things you heard Amachi-sensei go through a few weeks ago. Now you wish you paid more attention instead of playing with Suguru’s curses…)

Your eyes meet hers in the foggy mirror of your bathroom; her hair is only slightly messed up, her face ever so pretty, yet so worried as she bites her lip and hugs you close.

“I’ll bwe fwine, Mwama.” (“I’ll be fine, Mama.”) You know better, yet you just can’t help but want to comfort her right now— Even if it’s spat out through a mouthful of minty toothpaste foam and a toothbrush that nearly drops out of your mouth.

“Iiiee profwise.” (“I promise.”)

And that was that. Though, you can still feel her slight uneasiness even when she smiles at your attempt of tying your own shoelaces, can feel that the air just hasn’t settled into the usual calmness that you were used to even when you waved her goodbye at the gate.

(You hope it all goes well today. If not for you, then for your Mama. At the very least, just for her.)

“Satoru.” You smile, a hand going up to wave as you climb into the unassuming, yet extremely fancy vehicle waiting just outside your home.

“Good morning.”

It was like clockwork. Backpack onto the carpeted floors of the car, a moment to catch your breath and your hand reaching towards a head of fluffy white to pat—

Your wrist gets caught.

“Hmph.” He looks pouty, irritated. Like he was going to erupt into a tirade of angry rambling and start comparing you to the ugliest Digimons that he knew of.

“Why’d ya always do that? I-I’m not a kid, ya know?!”

Why? Because you’ve been doing it since… Forever, you guess. He’s never stopped you before, never stopped you until now. So why? Was it the change in the air today? The odd pressure in the atmosphere? It should be obvious, all because he’s—

“Because you’re cute, Satoru.”

He doesn’t look satisfied with that reply. Not at all, especially when he narrows his eyes at you into a glare.

(Cute.)

“What, like a puppy or somethin’? Ya making fun of me?”

“No.” You shake your head, watch as his fingers tighten themselves ever so slightly against your wrist. That’s definitely not how you see him at all, not at all what you feel when you look at him, no matter how cute he was. “That’s not it.”

“Then what?” He had a huff to his tone, irritation and exasperation as he pulls on your hand and forces you to lean closer towards him— To meet his awaiting blue glare.

“Because… I like you too much?”

Silence follows. The air changes, and you catch the shoulders of the nameless driver that usually never said much stiffening—

Did you say something wrong? Something that offended him? You… Didn’t, right? You’ve always called him cute, and he’s always been fine with it. With reddened tips of his ears and eyes that looked like they were gonna bulge out of his head as he covered his face with an angry swing of his arm—

“T-Then I don’t wanna be cute!”

Oh. That’s… Kinda sad. Is it because he doesn’t like you back? That can’t be it, can it? You’ve both been friends since 4, he can’t possibly say that he hated you for all that time, could he?

(But even if he did, you think you’d be at peace to know that he did used to like you. That would be enough.)

“Why not…?” You don’t have a mirror right now, but you’re pretty sure you just can’t help the look of deposed, kicked puppy look in your eyes as you frown. “Satoru, do you not like me…? Did I do something wrong—“

“C-Cute doesn’t mean super attractive! And n-nobody likes to be called that! Hmph!” And he turns away, his hand splayed out on your face and effectively blacking out your vision as he makes sure to keep this distance between you and him.

(So… It was an insult? Have you been insulting your dear Satoru all this time?)

“Sorry, Satoru…”

“Stop apologizing, you stupid dummy!”

“Sorry.”

“Times are always changing, isn’t that right, Saya-san?”

“Indeed, Mr. Reporter! It’s speculated that because of the shift of the moon into its next lunar phase, everyone will be experiencing a change in their life to come.” Her hands wave around, her smile ever so blindingly adorable as you stare up at her pretty face upon the television screen.

Her fingers delicately make a heart, a charming, moe-filled wink towards the camera as you nearly feel your heart stop. “So always expect change, even if it’s ambiguous! You never know if it can be a blessing or a curse if you don’t go and experience it for yourself!”

Maybe change can be a good thing too, if your Saya-tan embraces it.

(“Good… ‘orning…” Geto Suguru was never an early riser. Not even on a day as ‘important’ as this was as he groggily drags himself into the car.

“Suguru.” A turn of your head towards the boy as you shift further inside to make room for him, pressing shoulder to shoulder with your white haired friend as he continues the little ramble about a boss he was fighting. “You look handsome today.”

“Wha—“ And his purple eyes are now blown wide, cheeks growing warm and red splashing onto his face as he freezes midway through— Nearly falling back had it not been for Kimiko-san supporting him from behind. “What— Wha?”

“Hey—! That’s reserved just for me! Don’t go calling Weird Bangs that too!”)

���—

“(last name)-san, right?” Her eyes scan over the your sheet of paper as you tiptoe over the counter to meet eyes with the nurse lady.

(You also think it’s funny she’s referring to you in such a formal way despite being so much older than you.)

It’s unfortunate that you had to be separated from your friends… Even Shoko had to wave you goodbye as she was taken away by a personal doctor, whilst you were whisked away and separated from the other girls after brief height and weight measurements.

“No abnormalities in the past few months, correct?”

“Mn.” Not that you know of, anyway. Mama usually answers these types of questions for you at the doctor.

So it is kinda weird answering for yourself. On your tiptoes and with your eyes barely making it over the oddly tall counter. You swore your Mama told you that you’ve been growing a lot lately.

“Please proceed behind the curtain.”

And you did, poking your head in to check for enemies hiding in a corner only to meet with a smiling lady. With a cool lab coat and the— Setho-something scope. Heartbeat reader thingy.

(You know because you saw an episode of Saya-chan roleplaying as a doctor once for a special episode of her zodiac sign forecast. Just because you’re 12, doesn’t mean you need to know the names of everything yet.)

“Hello there.” Her smile is kind. Soft and gentle… And makes you less scared of the fact that she’s a stranger as you slowly, shyly step into the makeshift ‘room’ surrounded by curtains.

“…hi.”

She laughs. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” A hand over her mouth as she tries to stifle her laughter and the crow’s feet around her eyes making themselves all the more prominent as you… Relax slightly.

“Ho… Mura-sensei,” You think that’s what the name tag says as you sit down on the very soft, very plush seat. “Am I a Beta?”

(You need to check the brand for this chair. Maybe Satoru will buy it and let you have one of the old, weirdly comfortable chairs he’s got at his house. Mama has been pretending that her back doesn’t hurt lately.)

“Hm.” Her eyes trail over to her computer, before flickering back down to you with an amused chuckle. “Straight to the point, aren’t you?”

“Mhm.” You wanna get out and get done. Then, you, Shoko, Suguru and Satoru are all gonna gather, open up the little envelope they give you with your assigned secondary genders, look at it and be done forever.

(Because nothing will change between all of you no matter what.)

“Smell this.”

And you do, bringing that little tin up to your nose and taking a big, big whiff of— Some sort of powdery substance inside?

“Powder…?”

The next didn’t seem to be any different, more of that stuff that smelled like nothing no matter how many big whiffs you took and exhaled out.

(Maybe it was some odd test for your nose. You hope you didn’t fail.)

“Form a fist with your hand and show me the underside of your arm, please.”

“…does the needle hurt?”

“Mm…” She thinks for a little bit, as if debating on the question that you gave her as she adjusts the thin needle. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t, but only for a little bit.”

Well… Good. At least she isn’t lying to you. You don’t like liars. Liars would be like that doctor your Mama called an ‘old coot’ once because he ‘didn’t know what he was doing’ as she carried you out of his examination room.

“I’ll give you a lollipop afterwards.”

“Deal.”

(It did hurt. Kinda. You definitely think it did. Your eyes were squeezed shut so tightly during the process so you don’t even know if it went in or not.)

“It seems that your question has to be undetermined today, (last name)-san.” Her right hand fingers tap against the keyboard as she types sentence after sentence, left hand penning up a messy string of words that you blink at least 3 times at— Before giving up.

“You’ll be receiving your results a little later than everyone else.”

——

“It’s rare.” Eyes trail over another sheet of paper filled with too many hard words and numbers. “But not out of the ordinary. It just means she needs to take extra precautions.”

“What about medication? Is there anything that can be prescribed? It’s dangerous for—“

“(last name)-san. I understand your concerns as a mother, but there is little I can do when your daughter is unable to differentiate the primary scents.”

Middle school is when things get serious, they say. Exams, social lives, more exams, club activities, even more exams… And the high school entrance exams that will determine where you’ll go.

(You don’t even know who ‘they’ are. Who are ‘they’ even to say that? You don’t agree. Mama always tells you that you should enjoy being in the present, no matter how old you get.)

“It’s okay.” She pats your head as you both walk out of the stuffy doctor’s room, her words breathy and clearly stressed. “You’ll be the same as you are now…”

“Mama just needs you to take some medicine everyday from now on, okay?”

But, the first week of middle school is probably the first time that you realize… Geto Suguru is extremely popular.

“Geto-kun! Do you mind teaching me this part?”

“Geto-san~ Ame-chan and I are gonna go to the movies later! Do you want to—“

“Oi! Geto! Come join the Kendo club! Coach said he’s heard about you in elementary!”

More so than the white-haired counterpart that you’re pretty sure even the most grumpy, most abstinent of people would find attractive.

(Mama says it’s because looks can sometimes make up for a lot of brash personalities.)

“U-Um— Gojo-san, if you don’t mind, you can eat some of my bento…!” She’s bowing, shaky hands presenting her cutely wrapped lunchbox as she keeps her shy gaze towards the floor. “I-It would be an honour for you to eat it…!”

Awkward silence and Gojo Satoru staring down your poor classmate with eyes that shone with an extremely proud, azure twinkle.

“Heh.” There’s a pleased, shit-eating grin on his face and barely held back disgust in those pretty eyes of his that flickered to and fro from Suguru to the girl still standing before him. “An honour for you, huh?”

(As if he was trying to show off.)

“But you’re not suggesting that I should be eating that trash in your hands, right?”

(So, it was then that you realize it’s not just your Suguru’s handsome looks that made him so popular with the girls.)

“Satoru.” Suguru’s hand gently dabs a handkerchief against the snowy-haired boy’s face, pressing the soft cloth against his skin and imploring the boy to clear his nostrils lest he somehow infect the rest of you with his germs.

“Your nose is leaking.”

“It’s that damn dusty ass classroom’s fault! How the hell do you both withstand that place?” He sniffles before blowing his nose, pressing the cloth embroidered with Suguru’s initials against his face to wipe up his snot.

“If you knew you should’ve wiped it up sooner. You trying to be the grossest kid in school or something? Tired of being the perfect golden boy?”

“Cry about it and use those ugly bangs of yours to wipe your tears.”

They get along well now. As well as… Getting into spats about games, the weather, why the takoyaki stall you all frequent suddenly used a different brand of bonito flakes, how the inclination of the umbrella Satoru threw did not purposely hit that poor student, why there were badly drawn doodles of Suguru’s face everytime he lent his notes to the both of you— Seriously, how was it possible that they could argue about anything and everything?

It was like a talent in itself. One that you have taken as an everyday occurrence as you chew on another spoonful of rice and enjoy the peace of eating lunch together on the school rooftop.

(You’re pretty sure you’re not allowed up here, but you’re also pretty sure the Gojo family pulled some strings again. Must be nice being rich and powerful.)

He leans in, quickly stealing the bit of food from your chopsticks as you stare on in confusion.

Eh?

“…?” With your head tilted to the side and blinking at him 3 whole times to really make sure.

“What.”

“I thought you didn’t like commoner food?” Especially yours that you and your Mama had made together last night. It’s exciting to be able to bring your own lunch to school once every month. It’s kind of like having the sports festival you used to have in elementary.

Just without the sports.

“Don’t feed him. Let him starve because he forgot to bring his own food today.” Suguru retorts with a huff, stuffing another riceball into his mouth as he angrily chews— Despite the fact that Satoru literally had half a riceball that definitely did not belong to him in his hands.

(It’s nice that they’re nice to each other.

“Hey! If y’er gonna punish me for forgetting, at least remind me with a call or something!”

“No way. You’re just gonna complain that I interrupted you whilst you were in the middle of eating an entire jar of sprinkles.”

“Satoru, is the meatball any good? Kimiko-san gave the recipe to my Mama only recently so we didn’t have much time to practice.”)

“Oh yea!” Rice is on the corner of his lip as he talks through a full mouth. “Kimi-chan says ya need to eat y’er medicine afterwards too or whatever.”

“(name)-sama.” Her slender, calloused hands are gentle as they lift up and off of your face, revealing the 3rd eye on her forehead blinking down at you as you stare back in awe.

(Cursed techniques can be so cool looking.)

“It’s simply a case of equivalent exchange.” The sparkling iris of her eye studies you intensely, staring so vividly into you that it felt like it was peeling back layers of your skin and boring deep into your flesh.

“It looks to me like your body had exchanged your strongest sense in favour of being able to house your current amount of cursed energy…” She sucks in a breath as her face starts to turn blue, her hands turning pale before her special eye disappears— And her face returns to normalcy.

“So your current senses are now akin to a Beta despite your genetic makeup.”

“Satoru’s right, for once.” Suguru’s reaching into his pocket, pulling out a little notepad with specific timings written down. “You gotta take your medicine on time.”

But it tastes really bad—

“I’ll be upset if you don’t.”

And your shoulders slump in defeat just as Satoru takes hold of your chopsticks, stuffing a meatball into your mouth before plopping one into his own.

“Yea, Suguru’s got a point. It’s tough bein’ what you are and stuff, ya know? Even worse if you can’t even feel how ya affect the area.” He swallows. “It’s like putting up a barrier against ya ownself while everyone else already knows what’s going on.”

And you just have to wither on the bench in defeat, back against the wall and letting out a sigh as Gojo continues to help himself to your lunch.

“But Shoko’s got it easy, though…”

“Ieiri?” Suguru’s shoulder brushes against yours as he leans back to stare up at the same sky as you. “That’s cause she’s a Beta. She’s can’t be affected or affect anyone with pheromones.”

Sigh. It must be nice to be like that.

“I wish I was a real Beta.”

“So? What is it?” Satoru’s splayed out on your futon as he stretches his limbs, his backpack hastily thrown to your floor as Suguru watches you hold the letter in your hand.

“You nervous?”

A little bit.

“I’ll open it if you don’t want to.” Shoko pipes up from your side as she peeks over your shoulder at the still unopened letter. “I’ll even read it out loud from the start and stuff.”

“Don’t give it to ‘er. She’s gonna skip out on the important bit accidentally and not realize it cause she can’t read as good as me.”

Just do it, right? You’re going to have to tell your Mama sooner or later when she comes home. So you ignore the light chatter throughout your bedroom, hold your breath as you tear through the envelope and slowly read—

Ah.

*Your child has presented as an Omega.

*As this result came with abnormal observations with your child, (name) (last name), we invite you to make an appointment with Dr. Homura for further evaluation at your earliest discretion.

previous masterlist next

nvy’s aftertalk;

sch has started again for me so i won’t be able to keep to the semi-regular schedule i’ve been updating this 🙂‍↕️

i’ll try to get my wedding fic up if possible if ykw that is and some other stuff too 😭

[kuurechr]

for context, they're exes

Satoru liked a lot of things. He had a very long list.

Sweets, Asian-Kung-Fu Generation, his daughter, Digimon, you (not in that particular order).

He didn't like to talk about the things he hated because just thinking about those things made him stress. And sure, his hair couldn't turn anymore white (even though you once insisted that you saw a whiter hair on his head and made him panic for hours), but his head sure could hurt.

There were casualties, even though he was present.

He buried his face into the collar of his uniform, hiding his whole face to try and hide the fact that he was seething. His teeth were clenched as Ijichi listed out all the things that had gone wrong. All for what? Satoru didn't even kill the curse that hurt you.

Once the meeting was over (and basically nothing was resolved), Satoru immediately made his move to get up and leave the room. Utahime followed after quickly, having to walk quicker to keep up with Satoru's long strides.

"You know they're fine, right? Shoko's with all of them."

Satoru hummed absentmindedly, still hurrying along.

Utahime looked up at him warily. "And she's fine, too."

Satoru slowed down a little, clearing his throat. "Yeah, I know."

"So, why are you worried?"

Satoru huffed, shoving his hands further down his pockets. "I can't be worried about my wife?"

The words died in his throat as he said that last word.

He stopped, and so did Utahime, as she shook her head at his downcast expression. "You can be worried about her. But you know she's alright so... calm down."

"Yeah." He nodded. "Alright."

As the two of them neared the door of the recovery rooms, a voice behind them called out their names.

Satoru and Utahime's heads whipped around at the sound of your voice.

You were hurrying forwards, a pizza box in your hands. "Sorry! Could you hold the door open for me?"

The two gaped at you, as you smiled widely and practically skipped over. Satoru's arms waved around, as he stood there unsure of what to do with himself. Utahime rolled her eyes and grabbed the pizza box from your hands.

"Why aren't you resting?"

Satoru nodded vehemently. "Yeah, what she said."

You rolled your shoulders, practically bragging about the decent shape you were in. "Shoko's good at what she does, what can I say?"

"You should still be resting," Satoru insisted, glancing down at the arm that was bleeding out not too long ago. You used a hand to cover the arm that Satoru was clearly intensely staring down at.

Utahime agreed with him. "We would've got you the pizza."

"Oh, it wasn't too much work, Nobara ordered and I just met the delivery guy up front."

Satoru raised a brow. "You have to be careful, you know? There's..."

He saw Utahime look up at him warily, from the corner of his eye. You weren't in the room during the meeting, and everyone in the room had agreed to keep the circumstances of the stolen cursed objects, a secret.

Satoru sighed, annoyance seeping through his tone. "Just be careful, alright?"

You nodded slowly. "Alright. You... you should be, too."

Utahime snorted. "With his constant bragging about being the strongest, it'd be nice to see him get a little cut once in a while."

You hummed absentmindedly, before bringing the attention back to the pizza. "It's gonna get cold and Nobara will kill me, let's go give it to them." As you pushed Utahime ahead, Satoru hung back behind the door.

Satoru heard the loud cheers from Yuji and Nobara due to the arrival of the pizza, and he knew he couldn't match their energy at the moment. He tugged at his blindfold, preoccupied with thoughts about the aggravating high level curses.

He didn't know how long he stood there for, but he knew it wasn't long. You peeked your head out, looking up at him, clearly worried about his state. Satoru forced a quick grin. "Hey. They like the pizza?"

You closed the door quietly, nodding, but quickly moving onto what you wanted to talk to him about. "I'm worried."

Satoru folded his arms. "Why?"

"I'm worried because these curses are clearly smart... and they clearly know too much about you."

Satoru's jaw clenched. His perfect set of teeth were going to be ruined with all the clenching he was doing today. "Yeah... looks like they do." Satoru sighed, rubbing his temple. "Are you worried about Kiyo?"

"Of course," you whispered. "But..." Satoru's heart pounded. Were you worried about him, too?

You shook your head, not finishing your sentence. Satoru's heart hurt.

You looked up at him, very serious. "Just... please tell me about things like this. You don't have to carry the burden on your own, you know?"

Satoru nodded slowly, but he kept his mouth shut. He glanced back down at your previously injured arm. "Is that really okay?"

He noted the hesitant twitch in your lips before you smiled. "Yeah, of course."

Satoru whispered your name. You didn't look up at him, knowing that his expression would be one of pity or disbelief. He sighed. "If you want me to tell you things... I need to, at the very least, know that you and Kiyo are okay. I could always take Kiyo for a few days while you heal--"

"No, it's alright," you said, quickly shooting him down. "I can call Nanami or Yu for that... um, but, yeah, you're right. My arm isn't completely healed." At the sight of Satoru chewing his lip slightly, you shook your head. "It's not bad at all! Just a slight ache really. Like I said, Shoko's great." You took a deep breath after rushing all your words, and smiled up at him softly. "I'm okay. I promise."

Satoru's chest eased up. He hadn't even noticed this feeling before -- it felt like some type of pressure was taken away from his lungs by your beautiful smile.

(Satoru would not come to realize that you took his breathe away until he gushed about your precious smile to someone later).

[trixy812]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ You have all my support ɞ˚‧｡⋆ pt 2

{Nanami Kento x reader}

ִֶָ࣪☾. Content: kento nanami x reader, just fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, nightmare, digimon mentioned!, i really think nanami looks at memes like parents look at memes xdxd (don't forget we are in year 2007ish)

ִֶָ࣪☾. Summary: It was inevitable. Kento Nanami and you became friends.

ִֶָ࣪☾. AN: Hello! I bring you guys part two, I took longer than I expected. Yesterday, I had a very calm nightshift and decided to finally write this second part, i really liked how it turn out. I really want to encourage you all to leave comments because that would help me a lot now that I'm just starting to write! extra: i really want to thank my twiniieee @totallygyomeiswife because she helped to organize my thought and how i want this fic to keep going.

Edit: I noticed some inconsistencies so, I corrected few words & numbers! Thank you again for reading 📚 I am excited to keep writing this 🥰

pt. 1 - pt. 2 - pt. 3 - pt. 4

Omakes Reader meets Gojo First time

🅼🅰🆂🆃🅴🆁🅻🅸🆂🆃

It’s been several months since Haibara’s death, and while Nanami remains the serious, reserved man everyone knows, something has subtly changed in him. In these past months, he’s allowed himself to trust you, finding quiet comfort in your friendship. You've always been there for him, offering support without demands or expectations. Yet Haibara’s memory still casts a long shadow, and sometimes his dreams dredge up painful scenes, reminding him of everything he's lost.

One night, after an especially vivid nightmare where he relives those haunting images of Haibara, Nanami wakes up, gasping for air. Without thinking, he picks up his phone and sends you a message:

Are you awake?

Your response comes almost immediately.

Of course! I’m always awake. You couldn’t sleep again, could you?

Despite the lingering weight of his nightmare, Nanami can’t help but smile slightly.

Do you ever actually sleep?

It’s my superpower! you reply, adding a sunglasses emoji.

Just as he’s about to put his phone down, he sees a notification from you—an image attachment. Curious, he opens it to see a meme of a concerned-looking dog, accompanied by the huge caption: “Your life is as worrisome as my face!” Nanami frowns, confused by the image.

Whose dog is that? he asks.

That doesn’t matter! Just laugh! It’s funny, right?

It seems we have different definitions of funny, he replies, teasing you. But he’s unable to stop himself from smiling, finding a strange comfort in your lightheartedness, and grateful for the brief escape from his thoughts.

Later that day, the two of you meet up at an arcade. You've set your sights on a claw machine with a Palmon plush, and after several failed attempts, you’re determined to get it. The lights and sounds around you barely register; all your attention is on the machine and on winning that Palmon.

Nanami watches from behind, arms crossed, his expression showing his skepticism. “Are you seriously going to keep going? You’ve already spent 3,000 yen. This is ridiculous.”

Without looking away from the machine, you throw him a quick glance. “Yes! I need it. Palmon is beautiful, and I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t win it.”

Nanami raises an eyebrow, doubtful. “Is it really that important?”

“Obviously!” You pout, looking at him with that mix of determination and stubbornness he’s come to recognize. That blend of energy and defiance stirs something in him, and he blurts out a suggestion he hadn’t even thought through

“Come study with me at Jujutsu High.”

The proposal surprises both of you, and you stop playing for a moment, though you keep your hand firmly on the joystick to hold your spot. Smiling, you look at him with a mix of affection and amusement.

“That’s not going to happen. I’ll never be a sorcerer. Not even you could change my mind, Nanami.”

A faint blush rises to your cheeks as you say his name, wondering if you’ve let slip too much. You seem about to say something more, but he interrupts, his voice soft and sorrowful.

“I’m alone now. I was left alone”

His words strike you, and though you want to tell him how much he means to you, how you've had a crush on him for months now but you know it’s not the right moment. He’s still too vulnerable, and you wouldn’t want to take advantage of that. Instead, you try to lighten the mood.

“My dad always used to say, ‘You go to school to study, not to make friends,’” you say, imitating your father’s voice and holding a finger under your nose as if you had a mustache. Nanami watches, but the sadness doesn’t leave his gaze.

Finally, you look him in the eyes, speaking with quiet sincerity. “You have all my support, Nanami. You know that, right?”

Nanami meets your eyes, and for a moment, his expression softens, the sadness easing a little. “Thank you,” he murmurs, and you notice a hint of peace behind his smile.

“After school, you probably have homework, just like me,” you suggest, taking a breath. “How about you come to my house every day after classes, and we do it together? Studying will be easier if we have each other’s company.”

Nanami looks at you, a bit taken aback by the suggestion, but he finds himself surprisingly comforted by the idea. Even though he knows your schoolwork might be very different from his own, the thought reassures him.

“And what about your hospital volunteering? Don’t you have to go?” he asks, concern creeping into his voice.

You wave his concern off. “I’ll do it on weekends. There are fewer people, and I can hide what I’m doing more easily. Don’t worry.” You think to yourself that you will have to do an extra year of volunteering because you are going to reduce your hours a week, but it doesn't bother you at all.

Nanami nods, and without another word, he steps toward the claw machine, nudging you aside gently. Reaching into his pocket, he inserts 100 yen. And as the good sorcerer he is, it looks like magic, the claw captures the Palmon on the first try.

As soon as you see the plush descending, you let out a shout of pure joy, bouncing with excitement. Nanami pulls it from the machine and hands it to you.

“Thank you so much, Kento!” you exclaim, hugging the plush tightly, and realizing, as your face flushes, that you’ve called him by his first name.

Nanami blinks, surprised, but then he smiles, seeing you so happy. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of Haibara in your lively expression, just like that day when you met, and the thought fills him with an unexpected peace.

“So, what time should I be coming to your house to keep up with your ‘plan’?” he asks, his tone faintly teasing.

Unable to help it, your smile grew even wider, thrilled to have the Palmon in your hands, happy that Nanami won it for you, ecstatic because you know you'll see him more often, just as you've dreamed awake before going to sleep, you respond, “Let’s meet at Akihabara station after school, and then we can go together. Does that sound good?”

Nanami nods, satisfied with the plan. “Perfect.” With a slight blush, he murmurs almost to himself, but just loud enough for you to hear, “Keep calling me Kento.”

pt. 1 - pt. 2 - pt. 3 - pt. 4

Omakes

Reader meets Gojo

First time

-

🅼🅰🆂🆃🅴🆁🅻🅸🆂🆃

[hoemainexpansion]

Chapter Seven: In The Air Tonight: You allow Satoru to move back into your bedroom with you to get used to each other again. And then later on, you go Christmas shopping before spending the holiday with your friends.

Also on AO3

It’s only been a couple of days since Satoru moved back into your room with you, but things have been going much better than you expected. 

You really thought that all this progress was going to take much longer, but you’re not going to be the one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Although Satoru doesn’t remember all the time that you’ve spent together, you have noticed some memories coming back. You take some time everyday to play memory games or tell him stories to help him regain these lost parts of his life. You think that they’re helping because there have been a few times where you started telling him something and he was able to fill in some of the blanks on his own and that makes you both happy that there’s progress. 

Not only that, but he dove head first into daddy duty. 

You spent some time coming up with ideas on how you wanted to do the nursery and the two of you were basically on completely different sides. He wanted one that’s bright, colorful, and screams anime while you wanted one that’s darker and screams Beetlejuice. Eventually you two managed to compromise and settle on a pastel goth nursery instead. You get the blacks and greys that you want and he gets his shades of blue with pops of white and you’re actually coming up with something pretty cute.

You designed a custom carpet with him that’s black and covered in pastel blue bats and while you’re waiting for that to be delivered, he picked up a brush and started to paint the walls light blue. For as much bickering as you were doing, you’re actually loving his contributions and the progress made so far. Choso and Suguru have already agreed to design and paint your daughter’s name on the wall once you pick one out and add any other finishing touches that you may need. 

Aside from having his head in a book of instructions on how to build essential nursery furniture, Satoru has been taking care of you twenty-four seven. He’s read books on pregnancy front to back and it’s led him to be more in awe about everything that you’re going through and even more dedicated to taking care of you. And ever since he read that at twenty weeks a baby should be able to hear sounds, he’s been regaling your daughter with tales of Digimon because of course that’s the one part of his memory that’s locked in place.

Even though he tries to hide his desire for you, he’s incredibly poor at it and you know that you showing a little bit more everyday isn’t helping sway him in the opposite direction. Ever since the first night that you spent together, Satoru has definitely become significantly more handsy. 

He hasn’t moved too fast, it’s just a lot of little things. If you’re at the stove cooking, he’ll come up from behind you and wrap his arms around your waist. He says it’s because he’s trying to feel the baby since he hasn’t had any luck yet, but you can tell it’s a little bit more than that. If you’re sitting at your vanity doing your makeup, he’ll lean down and kiss you on your neck. He never does too much at one time but honestly, you probably wouldn’t be too upset if he did.

As far as your friend group goes, that’s taking a little longer to go where you want it to. Choso and Suguru have all but forgiven him because they’ve been the ones who’ve spent the most time with him and they see his dedication to you. They were also able to question him about the Mei thing and upon learning more details, they became more understanding of that as well. But the rest of your friends still have some questions they want to ask before moving on completely and you don’t blame them. 

Just as it felt like everything was going perfectly, there was a hiccup that threatened to slow everything down. A phone call, actually.

It’s been a little while since you’ve heard from the detectives on Satoru’s case, but naturally, they were going to make an appearance sooner or later. You assumed that they were going to ignore this case and only investigate it if a credible tip came up, seeing as Satoru has been found. But when Usami called, you quickly learned that’s not the case. While the public is happy that he’s been found, they’re still pretty upset that the people who attacked a prosecutor have not been found and you completely understand because you feel the same way. 

You and Satoru went down to the station for him to finally have his more formal questioning to find out if there’s any answers that lead to the assholes who did that to him, but there wasn’t any progress. He gave you copies of the photos of the individuals who are responsible for what happened and you promised that you’d get back to them when you had more information. That’s what led to Satoru finally stepping foot in his office and looking around for the first time in months. 

Once he learned what he did for a living and the fact that he can’t remember the majority of it, it really brought him down. You feel awful because you know it must hurt to put years in school and then blood, sweat, and tears into a career that you can’t remember. You decided that over the next few days you’ll sit down with him and go through all of his case files to see if there’s a familiar face in the bunch but you won’t rush him into it.

It’s already been hard for him to realize how much attention his disappearance was getting and that nobody told him anything. He wants to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that maybe they didn’t know what was going on themselves. But when he learned that his case was on the news and all over the internet, he didn't understand how a bunch of people who make a living off of it didn’t come across it. He just really hopes that nothing malicious was going on and that if anything, it was just ignorance. But that doesn’t stop him from wanting answers, but those can wait for another day.

As far as his health goes, it seems like he’s been doing a lot better since he’s been home. You have helped him out when he’s had a few migraines, but he said that he hasn’t even had a small percentage of the amount he did when he was staying at Mei’s and you think that answers the question of why they were so bad but doctors couldn’t find out why.

After you give birth, you really want to throw hands with this woman and you can’t even hide it.

“Ready to go?” Satoru asks after walking out of your bedroom wearing the exact same thing that you are.

“Tryna match me, Pretty Boy?” You tease.

“Yup!” Well, you try to tease him, but you can’t because he’s so honest in his adoration of you. “Now people will be able to look at us and tell that we’re together so I don’t have to fight anyone off.”

“You know that nobody could ever take me away from you, right?” He hums in response, but doesn’t give you more than that. It feels like he doesn’t believe you. “Satoru, you know that I’d never leave you… right?”

“I guess,” he shrugs before he starts making his way to the front door.

“What do you mean ‘I guess?’” 

He signs before responding, “it’s just that I’ve put you through a lot recently and it wouldn’t surprise me if you said you didn’t want this to be your life.”

“For what to be my life?” You have absolutely no idea where this is coming from and it’s starting to concern you.

“Ya know… being with someone who can’t remember your time together and the baggage from that situation…”

You grab his face and turn him so that he’s looking directly at you, “I’m not going anywhere nor have I ever considered doing so. I thought I was going to have to get a divorce because you were leaving me for Mei–” he shivers like he has to shake off what you said. “I’m not going to leave you, please believe that.”

“Okay,” is all he says and it’s not good enough for you.

You squeeze his cheeks tighter before demanding that he say it again, with feeling, and he laughs before he does.

You don’t want Satoru to be filled with insecurities about the stability of your relationship, but knowing that he feels afraid to lose you definitely removes some of your own insecurities. But now you have to take it upon yourself to make him feel more loved even though neither of you have used that word since he’s been home.

“Alright, we’re going to go out and get a tree and ornaments. And then we’re going to set it up and decorate while drinking hot chocolate. We are going to have a happy and peaceful day if it fucking kills me and you’re gonna be happy too!” You probably went overboard but you meant every word so oh well.

Once you get outside your building, you see Utahime sitting inside her car waiting for you. You and Satoru dash to get inside the car and he climbs in the backseat behind you.

“You guys better not be doing the Devil’s Tango in my car!” Utahime says from the front seat.

You don’t know what’s going on with your friends and their nicknames for sex right now but it’s hilarious.

“Don’t worry, I’ll wipe the seats off.” Fucking Satoru.

“You. Better. Not!” 

“Fine. Fine. I’ll leave them dirty.” Oh my gawd.

“I meant… you better not be having sex in my car,” she yells at Satoru.

Just as he’s about to open his mouth to probably piss her off even more, you interject, “Utahime, when have I ever had sex in your car? While you were driving, no less?”

“What about that time that he tried to finger you while I was giving you guys a ride home?” Damn, Utahime - 1. You - 0.

“Oh come on! I was very discreet!” Is he serious? That’s so besides the point.

“She was sitting in the front passenger seat next to me and you were in the backseat! There’s nothing discreet about that at all!” Oh the arguing, back to old times.

“I don’t think you’re remembering it right, Bow Head.” Fuck.

“I don’t think you remember it at all!” 

Now that she mentions it, you have to ask, “Satoru, how do you remember that?” 

One topic that you haven’t delved into with him yet is your sex life. You just thought it’d be too awkward to bring up too soon.

He puts a finger to his chin in the most over dramatic thinking pose of all time, “I don’t know. I just do.”

“Well, at least memories are coming back so that’s good.” You give him a kiss on the cheek because progress is progress. “Utahime, we’ll be good. Scouts honor.”

She grumbles something under her breath and starts driving. 

They talk about oil and water not mixing but honestly, Utahime and Satoru are leagues worse than that. It is a little funny how even with a fresh start, that’s still the way things pan out. Oh well. 

It’s a pretty peaceful car ride, well, it was. Bickering with Utahime must have unlocked something within him because he decided that he just can’t leave well enough alone. 

After a few minutes of silence, he grabs the end of the ribbon and pulls on it so that he can undo the bow from her hair and you swear that it opened the floodgates. 

“You want another head injury?!” She yells from the front seat.

“I’m sowwy. I was just being a little ‘Knotty,’” he responds while cackling.

For fuck’s sake.

After the initial irritation, Satoru doesn’t respond at all. But, you think it’s just because he’s thinking of more puns.

Once you arrive to the Christmas store, Utahime goes her separate way and told you to call her when you were ready to go back home because she had other stuff to do. But you think she just wanted to get as far away from your husband as possible. 

“What colors do you want to do the tree?” You ask Satoru. 

“Let’s match the nursery. Black tree with shades of blue.” 

You nod and then start looking through the ornaments. You can’t believe how elaborate they’ve gotten over the years. When you were a kid, you wanted to do a tree decorated in pastels, but finding ornaments in those colors was practically impossible. Now they have everything in every shade. You even see ornaments of carousel horses in every color and decide to just start picking out one of everything in the colors Satoru chose.

“Hey babe! Now I can help you with the baby!” You don’t know what he means so you turn around and see him holding up two giant ball ornaments to his chest like they’re breasts.

This fucking guy.

“Satoru!” you say while literally facepalming. 

“Let’s get some of these,” is all he says before taking the basket from you and putting his new tits in there. “Let’s get more sparkly things.”

As you continue to walk around the store, you’re blown away by the artistry of most of these things. Satoru picked out some snowflakes, you picked out some that look like little gems when you see the cutest one.

“Baby! Can you reach that one?” You point at an ornament that’s too high for you to reach, but you have to have it. It’s a powder blue and covered in glitter elephant with tiny white beads around the feet. It’s fucking adorable.

You can’t see it because he’s facing away from you, but Satoru’s cheeks are a pretty deep shade of pink after hearing you call him ‘baby.’ The two of you haven’t been using pet names so this caught him off guard and made his heart flutter. 

“This one?” He points at the elephant and you yell ‘yes’ with too much enthusiasm. “I was assuming you were the reason behind all the elephants at home.”

He’s not wrong, you fucking love them. “They’re cute!” You respond with a fake pout and all he does is laugh and start to walk down another aisle. 

After picking out a few more things and Satoru hanging two ornaments from his ears like they’re a pair of earrings, you get your tree and checkout. You call Utahime to come meet you and even though you can’t prove it, you swear she’s taking her time to avoid being around your husband. 

When she shows up, you follow her to her car and you can tell that she’s already annoyed. You’ll make a note to make all of this up to her later. Maybe Suguru can help Satoru get back to driving soon because you know the lack of independence is killing him. Once you get inside the car, you can feel the tension, but Satoru doesn’t seem phased at all. You were mentally prepared to have to do a lot of damage control, but this ride is actually pretty quiet all the way through. The only words spoken are of Satoru saying how excited he is to start decorating with you and that makes you happy.

Once you arrive at your building, you decide to ask, “are you still coming by for Christmas?”

She looks at Satoru once before saying, “I don’t know if I can make it.”

“Suguru, Choso, Kento, and Yu will also be there.”

“I’ll be there then,” damn girl. 

“Awwwwwww,” Satoru gets louder as he goes on, “you don’t wanna spend time with me?”

You push him out of the car and apologize to your friend. You don’t want him to say anything else that’s going to push her away so you’ll make this up to her later. 

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

After getting back upstairs, you and Satoru change into matching pajamas with thick fuzzy socks and start decorating your home.

You got a late start on it due to everything that’s happened, but it’s still nice to have it up and spend the time together. 

While Satoru is putting the tree together and starting on the new ornaments, you go to one of your closets and pull out the box of sentimental ones that always go on your tree, regardless of the theme. 

You re-enter the living room to see that he put the tree in the corner and has started adding the biggest ornaments first.

“What’cha got there?” He asks when he sees you approaching.

“Some of the more sentimental decorations.” 

You pull out a clear ball that is written in glitter and has the year of the first Christmas you spent together. You have another one that has a mix of your name and his name like some celebrity couple. And some of the other ones are just decorated at random, but they’re cute.

“Who did this one?” He pulls out a ball ornament that has a marble look to it in shades of white and silver.

“I did.” He looks impressed at your skills. But honestly, you just learned to marble some things when you were learning to water marble your nails. 

“Who made this one?” He scrunches his brows while looking at one that’s a clear ball but has a couple painted on it. It’s supposed to be you and Satoru, but it’s just stick figures.

“You made it.” 

He looks like he’s in shock at your words, “surely I have better skill than that.” He keeps spinning it around like it’s going to change the quality. It may not look like Bob Ross did it, but you love it anyway, it’s sweet.

“Let’s just say that your hands are better put to use in other ways,” you throw your hand over your mouth once you realize what you said. 

Satoru licks his lips before responding, “is that right? In ‘other ways’ like what?” He’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat and you’ve got to knock him down a peg.

“Yeah! Like… uhhhh… uhm…” his grin continues to grow knowing that you’re flustered and he didn’t even have to do anything. “Yeah, other ways like putting this fucking tree together.” You force an ornament into his hand and take a seat on the couch to watch him. It’s an awful defense, you know that. But it is what it is at this point. 

Satoru just chuckles and goes back to decorating the tree. Smug bastard, you think to yourself. But to be fair, it is kind of your fault. 

But it does make you think about your non-existent sex life with your husband. If it wasn’t for everything that’s happened, the tree would already be up and the two of you would probably be in bed right now. It’s hard because you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t want him in that way, but you don’t know how to approach that situation anymore, or when, for that matter.

Before you can let your thoughts consume you, you go to the kitchen and start working on the hot chocolate that had been completely forgotten about up until this point. 

Even as you’re preparing everything in the kitchen, you just can’t stop thinking about the physical side of your relationship with your husband. There has definitely been an increase in little kisses and non sexual physical touching. He’ll cuddle you when you’re watching tv together or rest his head on your shoulder when you’re just browsing on your phone. But it hasn’t gone any further than that. Surely he’d tell you if he was ready for more… right? 

Who are you kidding? Probably not. This man just expressed to you that he was concerned about you leaving him. The last thing he’s going to do is recite Lik Wayne and say he wants to ‘fall in that pussy like quicksand.’ You kind of wish he would though because then that would remove a lot of the overthinking for you. But you have a feeling that if you told him that you wanted to wait a year before having sex again, he’d probably agree. 

That’s the downside to everything that’s happened as of late. You feel like he’s so concerned about placating you that it makes you wonder if he’d ever be good and honest about what he wanted. Ugh, the struggle. 

When the kettle goes off, it freaks you the hell out and completely knocks you out of your thoughts. That’s probably a good thing though. They weren’t going anywhere except to Stress-R-Us. 

After mixing the chocolate in, you search for the whipped cream and the bag of rainbow marshmallows and completely cover Satoru’s mug. Even after topping everything, you still carry the rest of the bag with you since Satoru isn’t the only one who likes to eat them right out of the bag. You wish Christmas was also Peeps season. 

Once you make it back to the living room, you extend the mug to Satoru and he more than happily takes it from you before you take a seat on the couch and Satoru comes to join you. 

You sit slightly facing him with one of your legs resting over one of his thighs and if you were thigh highs and a skirt instead of hello kitty pajama pants, this would be really sexy. 

You don’t have much time to think about it because your silly husband decides to take the most comically large drink of his hot chocolate and when he pulls back, almost the entire bottom half of his face is covered in whipped cream and there’s even a lone marshmallow hanging on for dear life. 

“Satoru! No breaks from the shenanigans huh,” you can’t help but laugh. 

“What?! Is the mustache not doing it for you?” 

“Maybe a real one would. But not this Willy Wonka fantasy you’ve got going on right now!”

Now that you think about it, you can’t even imagine him with a mustache. 

He makes a dramatic show of trying to lick it all away, which is clearly not going to be possible. He actually does a pretty decent job, but the little bit on the corner of his face that he’s not able to reach, you wipe off with your thumb. As you’re pulling back, he chases after your hand and sucks your thumb into his mouth.

“Just helping get the rest of the cream off.” This fucking guy. He says it while looking you straight in the eyes too, he knows what he’s doing. You were just wondering if you were the only person who was thinking about sex and this is confirmation that you are not.

You decide that if he’s going to tease you, you’re going to do a little teasing yourself. You suck your own thumb in the most unnecessarily sensual way possible and it has an immediate effect. 

After swirling your tongue around a little bit, you pull back and say, “looks like you missed a spot.” 

He’s staring at you with wide eyes as he starts to shift uncomfortably and you’re not going to lie, it makes you feel good. 

“Tryna shake me off, Satoru?” You tease. 

“Huhhhhh?!” He’s completely flustered, it’s cute. “What? No! It’s just hot in here,” he starts fanning himself off even though you should probably turn on the heater because it’s pretty cold. “Are you hot? I think it’s….. yeah.” 

You giggle before leaning in and whispering in his ear, “it’s not hot, unless you’re referring to me.” 

“Well, you’re not wrong about that,” he says in such a serious tone. 

“I was kidding Satoru.” 

“I’m not.” He wraps both of his arms around your waist and before you realize what’s happening, you’re sitting on his lap, one leg on either side of him, straddling him. 

The kissing intensifies and as much as you wanted to take this slow, you can’t help but give in to him. It’s been so long since you felt intimacy like this and it causes you to melt faster than you anticipated. 

His hands start exploring your body and you just know that this is going to cause you to fall apart. At first he’s squeezing your waist and holding you to him and then next thing you know, his hands are under your shirt and lightly caressing your back. 

You lean your head back and let out a soft moan, causing Satoru to take advantage of the opening and start kissing your neck.

Damn this man and his ability to know exactly what you like even though he should have no recollection of it. 

You start to slowly grind down on him and he leans his head back against the couch and groans. 

Fucking groans.

Well, any sense you had about stopping this has long left you and you’re just going to enjoy yourself for the moment. 

He moves his hands down to your ass and starts to rock you into him while maintaining eye contact and whispering sweet nothings. ‘You’re so beautiful.’ ‘I can’t believe I get to have you’ and the like. 

You’re not going to lie, it’s absolutely doing it for you. You never thought you’d go back to the days of dry humping on your couch, but here you are. 

Just as you’re finding a rhythm and reducing your husband to a drooling mess with minimum effort, the fucking phone rings.

The universe is not on your side today.

Oh well, you’ll just take it as a sign. 

“It’s mine,” you hear him grumble with pure disappointment in his voice. You even hear him whisper in a low ‘fuck’ at the end. Poor baby. “It’s Suguru.”

Suguru Cockblock Geto is definitely going on a fucking tee shirt.

As Satoru answers the phone, you slide off of him and he immediately narrows his eyes at you. You hope he doesn’t think that you guys were going to continue this on the phone. You can’t hear the other side of the conversation, but you get the jist that they’re making plans.

Since Satoru has been home, he hasn’t left without you. It almost feels like it’s your baby’s first day of school where you’re really proud but also feel like crying.

‘My husband is growing up’ you think to yourself. 

Just as you let out a little giggle at your silly thoughts, he hangs up the phone. “What’re you laughing about?”

“Oh nothing, what was that about?”

“Suguru is gonna pick me up tomorrow afternoon. He said some people at the shop wanna see me.” That doesn’t surprise you. Choso’s apprentice Yuji fucking loves him. “Then he said he wants to do something after.”

Some other people have said that you’re too trusting when he gives you a vague answer like that, but since he’s going with Suguru, you know you have no reason to panic. If Satoru tried anything stupid, Suguru would beat his ass before you had the chance to, so there's that. 

“Soooo…..?” Satoru turns to you and you can tell what he’s getting at. Unfortunately for him, you’re not going to be going any further tonight. That phone call gave you a bit of clarity and you don’t want your second first time with your husband to be on the couch while you’re covered in marshmallows. 

You lean in and with your best bedroom eyes say, “finish the tree,” and then you lean past him to grab your mug and get comfortable back on the couch. He looks a little devastated, but he’ll be alright. 

But Satoru isn’t done playing and he leans in close to you to whisper, “and what do I get once I finish?”

“Dopamine to congratulate you on a job well done,” is all you respond with before grabbing more marshmallows out of the bag.

He pouts but eventually gets up and gets back to work on the tree. A small part of you feels a little bad, but it’s too hard to get back in the mood once it’s been broken. 

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

Christmas is finally here and Satoru is ecstatic since it’s your ‘first holiday together’ and you’re honestly surprised by the turnout. 

Your holidays used to be just you, Satoru, and your immediate friend group. But it has since expanded to Yuji, Mimiko, and Nanako, the apprentices from the shop who spend everyday with Suguru and Choso. The three of them came from less than savory homes so it’s nice to add them to the tradition and give them a place.

Or maybe your hormones are just making you  super emotional.

It’s probably both. 

You don’t do holiday get togethers in the strict routine of eating together right away, gift exchange, and then everyone leaves. Instead, it’s a more relaxed get together. 

You and Satoru did a lot of cooking, but everyone still brought different food items with them. You made a giant chicken because of a recipe that you saw in a Gordon Ramsey cookbook and Satoru baked all the sweets. Kento brought basically all the things you need to put together a charcuterie board that you can’t help but hear as ‘shark coochie’ in your head thanks to your silly husband. Utahime brought peppermint bark and candied pretzels for you due to your cravings along with some alcohol to probably help her get through the day with Satoru. Choso / Suguru and company brought various snacks that don’t require any prep, so, it’s nice. 

Everyone has been shuffling around in different social groups with the exception of the young apprentices glued to the tv playing games with your husband. The rest of you have been hanging around chatting and letting them have their moment and slowly throughout the day, exchanging gifts.

Of course Satoru went through with his complaint and gave him a shirt that says ‘Suguru Cockblock Geto’ on it that he made himself with fabric markers and acrylic paint. He had absolutely no idea what the point of it was seeing as Satoru never complained to him about anything, but the message isn’t hard to understand.

You gave Utahime an all expenses paid trip to a spa to scrub off the stress of all of your husband’s shenanigans because he’s really been driving her crazy. But you have a feeling that they’re both probably playing it up a bit more than it actually is. 

Kento hates when people go over the top with gifts, especially when the price tag is really high. So, you got him a set of odd colored animal print ties that even though he laughed a bit, you know you’ll see him wearing them. 

Everyone working in the shop put their drawing skills to the test and each one designed a ‘Daddy’s Girl’ onesie for Satoru since he saw how excited his friend was about that on the day of your appointment. You thought that he was going to start crying when he opened his eyes and saw everyone holding them up. His excitement about all this continues to fuel yours as well and you’re grateful for that constant source of joy. 

Kento and Utahime worked together on your gift and got you a bunch of clothes and accessories from a shop that sells clothing for adults along with matching smaller sets for their kids. It has everything from dresses to pants to headbands and bracelets. Everyone thinks that Satoru’s genes are going to dominate so they wanted to get you something to bond with her and not feel like the odd one out. It was super sweet and it continues to fuel your excitement for when the big day comes to finally meet her.

While almost everyone else has participated in the gift exchange at some point, you and Satoru haven’t given each other anything yet and that’s fine with you. You were debating on what to give Satoru because you wanted it to have meaning and after speaking with Suguru, he inadvertently confirmed what you were thinking. But since it’s super personal, you decided you wanted to wait to give him anything until all of your guests leave. 

“Your husband is like a big kid,” Utahime says while taking a sip from her drink.

“I know, he’s so cute,” you respond with a smile. 

That’s one of the things that you love the most about your husband. He’s never been one of those people who’re like, “I’m eighteen, I’m too old to dress up for Halloween.” Satoru is more of a, “it’s Friday and we’re going to dinner? Let’s cosplay!” Yeah, he works as an attorney, but he still plays games with you and watched Digimon and you fucking love it. It makes you feel safe to continue to enjoy the things you like and that’s one of the most important things to you.

“Speaking of kids, have you settled on any names yet?” Kento asks you. 

“Not really. Before I got pregnant, I always liked the names Rei and Rain. So far, Satoru really likes Aya and Mizuki. We decided to just wait until she’s born and see what feels right.” That’ll slow down some of the progress on the nursery, but you think it’s important to meet her because what if you get invested in a name and it just doesn’t feel like it fits once you have her?

Out of nowhere, you hear a maniacal cackle from the other room and learn that it’s your crazy fucking husband who beat everyone else at a racing game.

This fucking guy.

“Your husband is a pain in the ass,” you hear Utahime whisper and you’re not going to correct her because… she’s not wrong. 

“Talking about me?” Satoru strolls in like he just won a million dollars instead of a fucking video game. “I wouldn’t blame you if you were.” 

“I’m going home,” you chuckle because she is clearly over his shenanigans for the rest of the year. 

“You can’t drive, you’ve had too much to drink,” you’ll lock her in the guest room if you have to.

“I’ll take her home, I should start getting back myself,” thank goodness for Kento being the dad of the group.

“Awwww, you’re leaving me too?” You elbow Satoru in the ribs because you know that if you don’t stop him now, he’s gonna drive you crazy too.

Utahime grabs her purse and Kento grabs his jacket before Suguru strolls in to announce his departure as well.

“What the hell? You’re all leaving at the same time?”

“I gotta get the kids home,” he responds motioning to the living room. 

Right after saying that, you hear Yuji yell, “we’re not kids” from the other room.

Looks like this night is ending a bit faster than you thought. 

You walk everyone to the door to say goodnight and after everyone leaves, it makes you realize that you’re more tired than you thought you were. You want to go to bed but you don’t want to forget to give Satoru his gift so better to get it out of the way. 

“Baaaaabeee,” you yell, trying to gauge his location.

“I’m in here!” You hear him yell from the kitchen where he took up residence washing the dishes.

“I wanna go to bed, want to come with me?”

He immediately drops the dish, turns the sink off, dries off his hands, and then starts to follow you to your bedroom. Once inside, you change into your pajamas before grabbing your purse and crawling into bed. 

“I have something for you,” Satoru says while climbing into bed with you.

“I have something for you too,” you return. You were excited about this at first, but now you’re feeling a little nervous. But you’re really hoping that this gift will assuage some of his insecurities. You wonder if you should go first and get it out of the way.

“Me first!”

Nevermind, that takes care of that.

Satoru reaches under the bed and pulls out a black box wrapped in colorful ribbon that’s curled at the ends and you’re pretty impressed because you used to always do the wrapping. After pulling apart the ribbon and removing the lid off of the box, you see a slightly smaller box inside and you immediately know where this came from.

It’s Tiffany’s blue.

Damn. 

It seems like he went all out and it explains why it’s one box inside of another box to avoid giving it away.

You pull the smaller box out and after removing the ribbon, your curiosity is confirmed, it’s Tiffany’s and you like it already. You remove the tissue paper from the box and see fabric which gives you pause because you don’t think they sell clothes. But when you remove it, you see what it really is and start to tear up.

It’s a baby blanket. A colorful blanket that has a bunch of baby animals on it and it’s adorable. You hold it to your chest and just let the tears flow. You’ve been put through the ringer with your first and only pregnancy thus far and have felt like you hadn’t been able to truly enjoy it until recently. 

You went from being excited when the two of you decided to start trying for a baby to not being able to contain your excitement of telling him that it was official. Then he went missing and you were terrified that you were only going to be able to tell your child stories of their father and then your spirits were lifted again when he returned. But then he had no fucking clue who you were and all your joys surrounding this faded and you became terrified to let this become his reality so you kept it to yourself. 

But he’s here. He’s staying. And he’s just as happy about this as you are.

“There’s something else in there,” Satoru’s voice rips you from your thoughts and you pause before reaching in because you don’t know if you can handle anymore tears.

You reach your hand in the bag and pull out a smaller but heavier item that’s wrapped in its own paper. Once undoing it, you see that it’s a heart shaped baby brush. 

And you were right, there’s more tears.

“I went there to see if there was something they had to match those heart earrings that you always wear. But then I came across these and thought that they'd be better.”

He’s an observant little fucker because you didn’t think he noticed that.

“I love them Satoru, thank you,” you say between the sniffles. He leans over to kiss you on the cheek and it continues to make you melt. You put the items back in the box to grab his gift from your purse.

“You know, you didn’t have to get me anything,” he says that every time a holiday or birthday comes up and it never changes anything.

“You didn’t have to get me anything either.”

“Yes I did.”

“Then so did I.” He just rolls his eyes after you say that because he must sense that he’s not winning this one. 

You pull out a small blue box and hand it to him. You wonder if he already knows what it is by the size, but if he does, his face doesn’t reveal that. He takes the lid off and inside is a smaller, white, velvet box and you start to giggle because you realize that you basically stored your Christmas gifts in nesting dolls. It’s just boxes inside of boxes all around apparently.

He pulls the box out and pauses for a moment which tells you that he probably knows where this is going. He opens the lid and once he sees what’s inside, his eyes widen and his jaw drops.

“Is this what I think it is?” He asks you.

Your gift to Satoru? His wedding ring.

Although the one that he wore regularly was stolen by those fucking losers, you’ve had a backup in the safe the entire time. When you had your rings made, you agreed on getting backup bands in case something happens like falling down the drain or you get robbed, which eventually happened. 

The idea to give him the ring accidentally came from Suguru without him realizing. He told you that when he took him out one day, a woman was for lack of a better term or phrase, was aggressively fucking flirting with your husband because she didn’t see a ring and assumed that he wasn’t married. Apparently she apologized and backed off politely once told he wasn't available, but it still pissed you off. You just had to go through all this bullshit with Mei and you just don’t want to deal with those types of shenanigans anymore. 

Granted, wearing a ring didn't always stop men from hitting on you and claiming that they can ‘treat you better,’ but occasionally it is a deterrent and you hope that’s the case here. 

You debated on breaking the ring out when he told you that, but really cemented it once you remembered the conversation you had with Satoru prior. Even though you spend all of your time together and are very affectionate, Satoru seems to have some doubts that you’ll stay with him given everything that’s going on.

You really hope that giving him something so precious will make him truly believe that you want to be with him and that you have no intention of separating. If this doesn’t do the trick, you don’t know what will.

“We had a backup,” you start to say. “It’s been in the safe so, you know, out of sight out of mind. But I felt like now was a good time to give it to you. If you want it, that is.”

“I want it!” Well damn, sir.

You giggle at his enthusiasm because that’s exactly the reaction that you were hoping for.

Just as he’s about to put the ring on his finger, he puts it back in the box and puts it in your hand.

“Will you do the honors?” He asks you while putting out his hand and you laugh because this is exactly what he did years ago when you exchanged your rings. You haven’t met many men who get so excited about things like this and it makes you smile. 

You take the ring out and slowly slide it up his finger, the same one that has your name tattooed on it. “I’ll never take it off.” Those are also the same words he said years ago and it makes you happy knowing that even though you have some things to overcome, that’s still your husband in there. 

You return the favor by leaning in and kissing him on the cheek and if it was possible, you think he’d be banging his feet on the floor like he’s Thumper in Bambi. 

He grabs your hand and looks you right in the eyes before speaking the words that you haven’t heard in quite some time, “I love you.”

Your heart is fluttering so much that it feels like your chest is a bird cage and it’s going to fucking fly away. 

“I love you too,” you respond while squeezing his hand. It’s the first time that you’ve said it since he’s been home due to you not wanting to overwhelm him with too many emotions, but it’s so nice to get those words back out there. “Hold me.”

He moves the gift boxes to the floor before laying down and pulling you to his chest. You’ve been sleeping in the same bed and he’s held you before, but it’s different this time. This is the first in months that you’ve laid on his chest and have been able to feel and hear his heartbeat and it’s definitely giving his nerves away. But that’s fine, yours probably would too. 

“Thank you,” he says in a voice barely above a whisper.

“For what?”

“For still loving me.” 

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Fujitsumon

Debut: Digimon Pendulum 2.0 Deep Savers (kind of. It's a little complicated. But don't worry about that)

Fujitsumon is a darling little eyes-in-a-void barnacle! With their brown exteriors, they really do bring to mind Jawas, world-renowned eyes-in-a-void creature. This is a rare design choice for a barnacle, and a barnacle is a rare creature inspiration choice! Too rare! They are such incredible and fascinating animals, and should absolutely be represented as such, and not just background decorations!

Fujitsumon is essentially a Digimon by technicality, an accessory of a creature, and I'm fine with that. They're acknowledged as creatures, and that's enough for me! They're almost always seen attached to the surface of another creature, and that sure is barnacle of them!

This is their host, Octomon! Or Octmon, if you don't like the dub name, but I think Octomon sounds better. Octomon wears a clay pot on its head, and Fujitsumon live on top of that! This is a smart setup. If I lived underwater I would love to wear a hat that some barnacle friends of mine could live on! Fujitsumon and Octomon have a mutualistic relationship going on, where the barnacles will sense danger, and warn the octopus of it, getting the whole group out of danger!

The reason I wasn't so sure about Fujitsumon's debut is that in Deep Savers, Octomon's sprite looks like this, not nearly detailed enough to even depict some barnacles! However, it does seem like the official art was made around this time, so I might as well consider this Fujitsumon's debut too.

There isn't much to Fujitsumon, but I love it! It's cute, it's a barnacle, and it's almost a "secret" creature, and that makes it, dare I say, even more fun than if it was a standalone obtainable Digimon! A charming little oddity in the digital world.

That's what I thought until I found out this little barnacle has a whole dedicated ANIME EPISODE! YEEHAW! This is the best barnacle-related cartoon episode I've ever seen! Better than SpongeBob SquarePants episode 164a Barnacle Face! Why, even better than Benny the Barnacle (2022)! Can you believe it? Better than Benny the Barnacle? I can.

In this episode of Digimon Ghost Game, the human protagonist is tormented by premonitions of disasters occurring to everyone around him, revealed to be caused by a Fujitsumon settled on his head. A land mammal is no place for a barnacle! Wouldn't it be crazy if you could go to the beach and leave with a barnacle settled on your fingernail? What would you even do? I would probably feel obligated to dip my finger into the ocean regularly to let it filter-feed. If only we had air plankton!

This Fujitsumon, as well as others that are affecting other humans, come from one particular Octomon, who got so angry at his barnacles that they Left. These are no real-life, cemented-in-place-for-the-rest-of-their-lives barnacles! They can just get up and leave if they're bothered. I bet real barnacles wish they could do that! It would be so embarrassing to end up settled right next to a turtle's... hehe... I shan't say...!

Octomon's petty outburst was over his magic brain barnacles not using their clairvoyance to help him win at a mobile game. Now, because of his Gamer Moment, there are Fujitsumon stuck directly to peoples' heads, which can cause these heads to explode. Maybe he should have just played a good mobile game, like Pico Pets Puzzle! *high fives someone offscreen*

Don't worry! Everything's ok in the end, like it always is with invertebrate friends! Octomon apologizes, the lead Fujitsumon gathers the whole crusty crew, and everything is fine except for the physical damage that has already been done, but don't worry! The virtual invertebrates are all friends again! Squishy or chitinous, none of us have spines, and that's what matters!

If you know of any obscure barnacles in media, please let me know in the notes! And until the next high tide, remember to close your armored plates to prevent dessication!

[otakween]

Digimon World Data Squad - Final Thoughts

Another Digimon game defeated 😉 This one felt kind of like a knock off of the Tales of series in its presentation (although it has turn based fighting). They're both Bandai Namco, so not much of a stretch there. It's one of those games that's objectively kinda bad but still manages to be enjoyable despite its flaws.

Despite the localized name, it is NOT a part of the Digimon World series. I guess it's considered a standalone. Kind of a side story to the Savers/Data Squad anime.

Notes:

This game took me slightly over 17 hours to beat over 3 weeks. Really the time it takes to beat is inflated because the game throws a random encounter at you every two seconds 😒 Also, I could have done all the bonus content, but I really didn't want to trudge through the dungeons again.

Speaking of the random encounters, not only do they slow the game to a crawl, they also make it pretty easy to become OP so long as you don't flee from any of them. Sometimes I enjoy the built in grinding, but this was a bit excessive. The "low/no encounter" items made things better late in the game but you also had to use a new one so frequently because they expired in like 1 minute!

Another frustration with this game is that the sound mixing was atrocious! It had the benefit of having all the English dub voices but that didn't matter because you couldn't freakin' hear anyone over the blaring music! It was painful to listen to and the subtitles were absolutely required. (There was no way to adjust the sound btw)

I was impressed by how much is voiced in this game, even though the dialogue is not that well written. I liked that they had victory dialogue at the end of each battle (that I could barely make out lol).

Graphics-wise I think the game looked pretty nice, typical PS2 JRPG with the bright colors from the show. The movement of the digimon in and out of battles was great. I really liked Agumon's "windmill arms" when he got all charged up. That was cute.

Weird af battle mechanics were not for me. Which skills you have access to are based on your digimon's mood and sometimes they want to be useless for whatever reason. A lot of the support/guard skills I also just never used because it was extremely unclear what they did? I couldn't find good online guides for this game either because it's not that popular lol.

(Gaogamon was the most annoying digimon in my party. He never wanted to be helpful in battle and his attacks were always super weak >:()

Speaking of weird mechanics, digivolution was weird too! I eventually realized that there was a hidden (never introduced/explained) menu that told you the requirements for each digivolution. I spent a long time thinking it was just random and getting shitty digimon every time I attempted a digivolve mid-battle. On the bright side, it was easy to just pick a digivolution you already unlocked and jump to it. That was convenient but felt really weird because digimon games have never let me do that before (at least not going to a higher level).

This entire game was insultingly easy until the final boss who suddenly got really hard (until I found a good strategy). All the other bosses just took one try. The game is very unbalanced because they give you so much money after each battle to the point where you can basically buy infinite recovery items.

Every single boss I fought (except one) had the same "VB" weakness? How lame is that? I was able to use the exact same strategy for ever boss and it made things very monotonous.

I liked the dungeon design/variety in locations, but the constant battles left me disoriented and made it hard to appreciate the view.

(Shout out to the walkthrough I found that had maps of each one. Made things a lot less painful.)

There was a handful of game exclusive characters that were fine I guess. I liked Kosaburo and his Biyomon, but Yuma and Kagura were pretty forgettable. They felt like the kind of characters you'd see that were made to appear once in a Digimon movie.

Speaking of Kagura, he was the (gasp) surprise villain (another reason this reminded me of a Tales of game tbh). He was pretty pathetic as a villain. They reveal at the end that his whole motive was being jealous of Thomas being better than him at everything. Like, okay, cool story bro.

Rolled my eyes big time when they revealed that the plot revolved around the seven deadly sins. How many times is Japanese media gonna pull out that cliche? I'm literally playing a completely unrelated visual novel rn (11eyes) that ALSO has a seven deadly sins plot. (Actually they came out 2 years apart from each other, so maybe it was a 2000s craze lol).

It seemed pretty unnecessarily cruel to kill off Nitta in front of his daughter like that. All the characters are just like "there there..." to her. I don't get why he had to die when Kagura didn't? (They were both "absorbed" by digimon) Makes no sense other than that Kagura had more plot armor.

I did feel pretty powerful defeating Lucemon Satan Mode at the end there. Unfortunately this is one of those games that goes back to the title screen after you beat the last boss. I've always thought that was a weird choice. Let me save!!

The Digimon video game franchise continues to be completely different with every release! Half of me is like "what's up with this chaotic mess!?" and the other half is like "yes!! Keep surprising me!" I'm really glad I'm playing the games alongside the anime. Feel like I'm on my way to becoming a Digimon scholar lol.

I give Digimon World Data Squad a 5 out of 10.

[tobiasdrake]

I’ve just looked up what a Spanish Galgo looks like and…

… they could not have made Gargomon look like his namesake if they tried.

Although the same could also be said for Terriermon.

Like did they design the Digimon and then pick random dog breed names out of a hat. Because those designs do not look like they were designed with those names in mind. 

And since someone already mentioned it in one of the replies… Rapidmon, despite having what appears to be a fluffy bunny’s cottontail, is still not a rabbit. He's apparently supposed to be a poodle…

… which I can kinda see. Which is ironic that he’s the one who doesn’t have his theoretical species as part of his name, hell Rapid sounds almost like a homonym of rabbit a lot of dub-only fans have assumed that’s what the name was going for. 

I might be a bit biased since I’m more of a dub-only fan, but I have to call bullshit in regards to Toei and Bandai, I don’t care what the Japanese media says Terriermon and his higher levels are Rabbits.

Fortunately, they did eventually learn their lesson. Labramon:

And their evolution Dobermon:

...are unmistakable.

[je-blauge]

Masaru Daimon:

Level one: Daimon sounds like a Digimon name

Level two: Dai is Japanese for great, and if you haven't noticed Masaru is the fucking best, just ask him, he'll tell you

Level three: (Here we step into hearsay and speculation, I haven't fact checked this, so somebody tell me if they can find a source one way or the other.) Greymon is, as with many Digimon names, poorly transliterated. It wasn't meant to be the color Grey, but the "grea" from Great, meaning Savers is the story of Daimon and his Dai Mon, Daimon.

Level four: Agumon calls him Aniki, asides from the obvious Yakuza thing that carries over to general Japanese Tough Guy archetypes, but also because when he's GeoGreymon, they have the same name. They're brothers.

[digimontamerrichie-tcg]

Digimon Adventure: Tag Tamers shows us Ken Ichijouji with his crest of Kindness in action. His partner Wormmon advanced beyond Stingmon and Digivolved into Dinobeemon without having to DNA Digivolve with ExVeemon, and then Digivolved further into GranKuwagamon.

In the TV series, ExVeemon (the Digivolved form of Davis Motomiya's partner Veemon) and Stingmon DNA Digivolved to the Invincible Dragon-Insect Fusion Paildramon and later gained the ability to further evolve to Imperialdramon, a Digimon with two modes - Imperialdramon: Fighter Mode and Imperialdramon: Dragon Mode.

Veemon's on-screen Armor Digivolutions are

Flamedramon, Lighdramon, and Magnamon.

If Davis had received the Digiegg of Love, Veemon would have gained the ability to Armor Evolve to

Sethmon.

Wormmon was never seen to Armor Digivolve in the TV series. Theoretically, if Ken borrowed the Digiegg of Courage or Friendship, Wormmon could have Digivolved into

Shadramon or Togemogumon.

If it sounds like I'm just wittering on in an attempt to include the names of every card here, that's because I am. Tumblr's tagging system kind of sucks and I'm trying to include terms in the text to make searching easier.

[shihalyfie]

I love your Digimon meta blog! It's really helped me appreciate the series more and get into it after Ghost Game! I know you focus more on Adventure and 02, but do you know any other blogs, Tumblr or otherwise who also do meta's on Digimon?

Thank you so much!

Hmm, the thing about Digimon meta is that a lot of it is Adventure-biased, not just because of the popularity of Adventure, but also because the Adventure universe is the one with the most lingering questions to address compared to others that are a bit more straightforward. (Believe it or not, even I would probably be covering more than just Adventure and 02 if I could come up with things to talk about, but unfortunately, I'm not actually that creative or smart and struggle to come up with good topics when a huge question isn't shoved in front of my face.) Sadly, we also lost a lot of meta bloggers in the Tumblr exodus some years ago, but off the top of my head I easily remember @analyzingadventure (if at least because the name is easy to remember!), and I've also seen @digisurvive's stuff on Survive floating around.

The thing is, I do know a lot of names around, but I keep forgetting who are the ones who actually specialize in meta and who only posts about that kind of thing occasionally...I'm sorry, I am a terrible excuse for a community member. Please reblog this post and promote yourself if you do meta!

For things outside Tumblr, I really like Data Ravel's Digital World Archive, which talks about the Digimon franchise as an overall multiverse as well as the history of the IP itself. In particular, I like the fact that he's one of the few people who can talk about things like lore contradictions and marketing/financial problems with an academic tone that doesn't feel remotely malicious, and in fact, he treats them like things that make the franchise even more interesting to analyze and think about. So he's probably the only person I can have faith will talk about things like the 02 media mix biting off more than it could chew or Tamers/Frontier's financial problems without sounding like he's attacking them or being condescending, and it really does feel like a true analysis blog rather than something that has to go into media criticism or debating what's better or worse writing. I really appreciate the fact that he treats everything like it has its own place and value, and I feel more people could stand to be that way.

[kazarinn]

I watched Last Evolution a while back and found it to be extremely grim and cynical with its talk of "potential" but i'd be willing to watch the movie again if the translation was at fault if there was a more accurate sub. I see a couple sub groups did translations for the movie, but I wasn't sure if there was one you recommended or worked on? Otherwise I'd be very interested in hearing what bothered you about the official translation, regardless of my own feelings about what I watched, but I was having a hard time finding a post on your blog that talked about it directly.

Hello! Yes, I would absolutely agree the official subs are a mess to the point I can't even recommend the movie with them. Personally, I think any of the fansubs should be fine; the one I personally had a hand in was the L Subs version (which I did not translate myself but was lightly involved with the subbing process for), but to my understanding, there is at least one other well-done one done by a fan who clearly knows and loves the series.

(I actually am tentatively interested in maybe trying it out myself in the future for the hell of it, but I'm not super pressed to do it ASAP because there are so many other things with higher priority. Other than subs of the movie itself, I also personally translated the Shueisha Mirai Bunko version of the novelization, which doesn't have a 1:1 transcription of the dialogue but is still more accurate than whatever was going on with the official translation, or at least I would like to believe.)

I haven't made a proper post breaking it down yet, but what I will say is that, as someone who has spent a long time translating for this series and has gone through the movie's dialogue multiple times (way too many times?) in Japanese, it is absolutely, 100%, for sure, not supposed to be a cynical movie. The official translation had butchered a number of things related to that, such as:

The fact that they didn't preserve the nuances related to 宿命 and 運命, an issue that my senior translator (who translated the L Subs version) and I consider to be important enough that my senior wrote about it on Twitter and I touched on it in my own discussion of Crest names. There are certain distinct contexts where the word that means "something truly unavoidable" and the word that means "something we are guided towards" come up.

The fact that Menoa's motives make no sense in the official subs; certain lines are translated to suggest the opposite of what they should, and certain lines will directly contradict each other, meaning the only thing that a viewer can get out of it is that "she wants to save everyone" and that she might even be right about her ideas (which probably doesn't help the viewing of the movie as cynical, since it sounds like Taichi and Yamato are rejecting her "good but extreme" intentions at worst and not her distorted view of the world as a whole).

The conversation between Gennai and Taichi in the middle of the movie has about two or three critical lines that are mistranslated, and those are probably some of the most important lines in terms of establishing the movie's themes, especially given the issue of "potential"/"possibility" that you mentioned.

In general (well, this has very little to do with your question, but I feel the need to vent about this anyway) the official translation is just plain klutzy about everything. There's no conscientiousness about character voice, one of the most important things in translating Digimon works. References to the original series' plot points or lore don't match up at all, and I don't get the impression the translator or editor was familiar with the original series. (Adventure tri. and The Beginning's subs had this problem too, but not to the same degree; in the case of Adventure tri., the lore was vaguely referenced or contradictory in Japanese to the extent a compliant English translation probably wouldn't have even been possible, and in the case of The Beginning, the issues were less common and less plot-relevant.) Even beyond just plot-important lines, there are far too many lines that are semantically mistranslated. All of it makes the movie an unpleasant experience to watch in terms of sheer vibe, and that's something I think is far more important than people tend to treat it as.

I will give a disclaimer that I feel obligated to give during these situations: if you did not like the movie, while I think it is highly likely that you'll enjoy it better with a properly done translation, I cannot guarantee that it'll turn your opinion over 180 degrees and make it your favorite movie ever. I am a translator before I am a literary critic, so while literary analysis is important for a translator, there is a point I have to hold back before it starts turning into my own fanfiction. But it's exactly because of this that the official translation is so poisonous, because a translator's job should be to maximize potential for readings and interpretations for others. If a work could potentially have a "nonsense interpretation" and a "sensible interpretation", and a translation outright invalidates the possibility of having the sensible interpretation because of how sloppy and nonsensical it is, it becomes a perfect example of what I've referred to as "insidiously bad translation", where it looks passable on the surface but is far more poisonous than it seems.