#and that was when rory called me fat in yr 8 camp
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#my talk with lio was short but at least a little helpful#i had a bit of a talk with mary about it and i wasn’t exactly upfront abt the whole trans thing but it helped anyways#i kind of said like#i would transition if i had a guarantee that i’d pass and be pretty#but that’s not guaranteed so i’m not sure#but she said ‘how your perceived is ur biggest insecurity’ and like#yeah a little#i talked to her about like how it’s weird that like some people don’t hate themselves#she asked me why i hated myself and i couldn’t really think of an answer#i guess it’s that i’m not normal?#i’m stuck on medication i can’t handwrite i’m awkward and for some reason i want to be a girl#she asked me what made me so like#insecure#like if it was people making fun of me or something#and like i genuinely don’t know what made me like this#i’ve been genuinely insulted to my face one time#and that was when rory called me fat in yr 8 camp#and immediately after everyone around me defended me and he apologised right after#maybe the fact that i remember it so well is indicative that it affected me#genuinely why do i care so much about how i’m seen and perceived#why am i like thisssssss
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