#and that was when my sister had a real bad trip on edibles

[puddingcatbeans]

djksjfjslkf today is a A Day!!!

so one of our performers got this rash ?? no idea what is going on, but it's literally day 0 for our event so we are all stuck at the office packing, but it got bad enough that we decided she should just go to ER, and unfortunately i was the only one relatively free and bilingual enough to go, except i don't drive so i took the train to the hotel and then took a cab to the hospital and then lost 4 hours of my life just waiting in line.

thankfully the performer is nice and patient and we chatted a bit, but i am NOT fluent enough to translate medical jargon, and nowhere near bold enough to demand answers from the staff. i know they are all doing their best so we waited quietly but man. i didn't even have dinner yet 😭

anyway an adultier adult showed up so now i am in an ub3r home but what started me on this rant is that i have horrible anxiety so i don't know the social conventions for called cars like this, i'll take the bus any day

[canumoveurseatup-no]

dark room

summary: grow through what you go through.

(please read warnings and author’s note before continuing to read)

wc: 10.5k

pairings: dad!sam x black!reader

warnings: this gets real okay... it contains drug use, alcohol abuse, mental illness, parental abuse, mentions of suicide- it’s dark, it’s raw, it’s real so please read with caution. reader has fluid sexuality, light smut

a/n: my 20th birthday passed months ago (this was supposed to be out on my birthday, back in august) and i know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to other people but it’s a big deal to me, especially coming from someone who has tried to end their lives multiple times, someone who had battled mental illness for years, someone who used substances to numb any sort of pain. It’s been a long time coming. And I’m still fighting every single day but I am here so this is mainly for me but also for anyone who is struggling with anything in their lives. Keep. Pushing.

———————

You wanted to feel like you were dancing on the ceiling. You wanted to do your own little lonely dance like no one was watching. The room was hot, the smell stale, hair sticking to your forehead, nothing was real. You were a mere atom prancing across a screen of color. You didn’t notice the phones out recording you while you experienced one of the best trips of your life. They weren’t making fun of you, they were cheering you on but their cheers fell on deaf ears as it felt like you had cotton stuffed in your own.

You fell in a chair, seeing various pills splayed out on the table. So many to choose from, they were so pretty but then the sight of little white lines caught your attention, you weighed your options. You had enough nose candy before you even got here. You pre-gamed so hard you came to the party two hours late from falling out.

You wanted to touch the ends of the universe so you snatched another tab off the table and pressed it on your tongue like a fruit roll up with tongue tattoos on it. The dancing bodies in front of you distorted as you grabbed a heavy liquor bottle and stumbled from standing up too fast... or maybe it was the drugs? You felt your face smile and your body go numb as you fell back on a bunch of clouds.

You found a guy eyeing you from the other side of the room or at least it seemed like it, his face was an absolute blur. But soon he was right in front of you and you could see specs of yellow in his brown irises. They were almost like sunflowers.

“Wanna have a good time?,” he opens the palm of his hands and you see a pretty blue pill.

“What’s it do?,” you don’t notice the slurring, you don’t notice the left side of your body going numb... you stopped breathing for a minute and as fearsome as it sounds... you welcomed it. It’s all you’ve been craving since you were nine years old... to just. stop. breathing. But your chest opened up again, hugging the air tight in its lungs to keep your body alive.

“However you’re feeling now? Multiply that times ten... it makes you feel like your third eye is opening. You can taste colors, see tastes... it’s unreal,”

“How much for it?,” the words flew past your lips faster than your mind could understand.

“It’s on me,”

—————

You don’t remember how you made it home, maybe you walked again- maybe you made the right choice and called an Uber.

You only remember mumbling a “bye, daddy” to the guy who gave you the blue pill, sending you off with more for the future. You felt like God was holding you in his hands and blessing you with the best life right now.

You weren’t aware of your little brother’s door being cracked open and him waiting up for you as you tried to quietly get to the bathroom.

“Oops,” you laughed to yourself. It was a sight your little brother saw often- you didn’t know that, your dad didn’t know that. Keith never knew how to tell anyone he was worried for his sister. He was 12- he didn’t know what was wrong with you. But he didn’t hesitate to scream when he found you in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with throw up all over yourself.

“Y/N!!,” he tried to shake you awake but your eyes were dull and half lidded, “Y/N stop! Wake up, wake up, wake up!!,” he even slapped you. Nothing worked.

“Dad!! Daaaaddd!,” Keith ran down the hallway to your dad’s room. Sam woke in a frenzy and looked at Keith with worry

“Something’s wrong with Y/N! She won’t wake up!,” the 12 year old sobbed and Sam booked it out of his room to find your body limp on the toilet. Underwear mid thigh, as if you passed out while trying to pull them down to pee. Throw up all in your lap, body dripping with cold sweat.

“Keith, Call 911!”

—————

He always watched you now... he always had appointments set up at the doctors to test your urine but it didn’t stop you from using. There were always ways around passing drug tests. Often times you’d ask a friend to pee in a cup then pour it in a ziploc baggie and hide it in your sports bra to keep it warmed up. You knew how to beat the system.

Pour a little in the toilet so it makes it look like you peed, they always check afterwards. Then pour it in the cup to the line they mark. You ‘pass’ each time.

“You’re coming on the trip,”

“I’ve earned your trust,” your mouth felt dry, the edible you took before 6th period still hasn’t worn off yet and you were trying to keep calm- there’s no way he was going to ruin your high.

“You’ve earned yourself suicide watch and consistent drug tests. My trust for you disappeared when I found you damn near dead and had to watch them hook you up to machines and put you on temporary dialysis amongst other things to save your life,”

He was still bitter. It happened a month ago. He should be over it, you were.

“Fuck you, Dad,” you stormed off to your room and slammed the door

“Don’t you talk to me like that in my house!,” he yelled from the other side of your door. He should have taken it off the hinges like he planned.

You didn’t want to go on some stupid resort. Something about channeling your inner peace and looking at the bigger picture. Everyone was going, even his old team members, a family you didn’t feel a part of, he thought it’d be a good idea to surround yourself with good company.

You scream out and begin throwing clothes into a bag knowing he wasn’t letting up.

You see the glimmer of a small plastic baggy under your mattress and pull it out, seeing an array of candy. Maybe you could survive this trip?

You stuff the baggy in a pair of socks and smile, hoping to get a sense of familiarity.

You were gonna survive this trip.

—————

You shouldn’t have worn shorts today. That stupid health class intern saw the marks on your thigh and told the school nurse and now your found yourself in the car with your dad yelling at you.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you not realize you have a main artery in your thigh! Had you gone deep enough you would have been gone, Y/N! What the fuck is wrong with you,”

You figured if a parent found their 11 year old was cutting themselves they’d do something other than yell... they’d do something other than tell the entire family and have them call at you just to yell at you as well.

“Nothing in life is that bad for you to do that to yourself!!,”

“That’s stupid, Y/N! Who in their right mind would do that to themselves?!,”

You heard it all. You cried when you got home, and hugged your little brother, not knowing if you’d ever get the chance to again because you were on the verge of ending it all. 11 years old... wanting to end it... you weren’t sure what was wrong with you. You just woke up every day hating yourself, woke up everyday wondering what life would be like for your family had you not been born.

Your older sister didn’t know how to help.. and your little brother was sure he was going to lose his sister.

You believed you were a by-product of a bad relationship. So your self-hatred started young. Watching your parents argue everyday- watching your mom cry because your dad kicked all of you out on Christmas Eve and you had to stay with your grandparents... watching the ugly divorce and how he became an alcoholic and she became emotionally unavailable.. even having to talk to the cops because your dad left bruises on your legs, from beating you because you were calling out for him due to being afraid to sleep in your own room when you usually sleep in his...

But he had a lady friend over that night....

The meds the psychiatrist put you on gave you chest pains... you went from using a pair scissors to hurt yourself to watching YouTube videos on how to get a blade out of a shaving razor. You skipped meals just to be a little skinnier like everyone else in your family.

You wrote notes.. you wore black sweatshirts, even in the prime of summer, to cover your arms when you ran out of space on your thighs and ankles and hips. You were a mess and no one came close to understanding. You don’t know how or why you turned out this way.

You felt like your mom hated you, you felt like your dad wasn’t your dad, like he was just there... you were stuck in a place where you felt like you didn’t belong and it made your heart skip beats. It had you crying almost every night.

And everyday you struggled. Waiting for the day that you snap and off yourself.

————-

“Y/N! Y/N!,” you felt your sister, Savannah, nudge you in your rib cage, “Uncle Buck was talking to you, snap out of it,”

You felt everyone hug you and it felt unfamiliar. You felt out of place. All these bright green trees looked fake- the air was too clean- the water in the cups too pure.

You craved to be surrounded by drugged, dancing bodies, feeling the beat of the music vibrating every single nerve in your body. You wanted to feel like you were on the edge of death just to feel alive. You wanted to be surrounded by guys and girls who gave you the slightest bit of attention and took you home. You wanted to feel loved even if it were for a few hours out of the night.

You didn’t want to be here- you wanted to feel the burn of alcohol run down your throat. You wanted to see auras around everyone as you blinked. You wanted to hide in the bathroom and stumble against the walls, laughing as you struggled to get your pants down to pee. You wanted to numb every single thought, you wanted to get so blacked out you couldn’t remember anything that ha-

“Y/N, lets go unpack,” Natasha’s hand grasped around yours and you let her drag you to one of the resort rooms. Your bag tight around your shoulder, you looked around the room and hated to be in it. It was too bright, too colorful... you wanted to be in a dark room under a guy as he choked you out and you felt him deep in your stomach. You wanted to be in a dark room, feeling a someone’s lips on you, replicating what you expect love to be like.

Everything was too fucking bright... too bright compared to the dark rooms you’d be in at night, intoxicated, crying, while getting your brains fucked out because you just wanted to feel affection... even if it was fake.

“How have you been feeling?” She sits on the bed as you stand at the door, frowning at everything in the room, “You can be honest with me- I won’t tell Sam. I know it’s hard not having anyone to talk to-,”

“Is there a town close by?,” you snap your eyes towards her. It might be a dumb question but you zoned out the whole three hour ride here.

“Ugh yeah, about 20 minutes out, why?”

“C-can you get me? S-something? I- I need to... I just need to ebb the feelings away,”

“I want to help you, b-but I can’t do that for you,” she knew what you meant but no way in hell would she advocate for you continuing to tear yourself down.

“So why lie and say I can be honest if you can’t give me the one thing I need?!,” you felt the walls closing in. You focused too much on one thing and you found yourself stumbling.

“Y/N, it’s okay, I’m here, calm down, calm down,”

“Get out!!,” you felt your hands shaking, you had no control over anything, “I want to be alone! Get the fuck out!,”

“I can’t leave you alone like this!,”

You take your bag and storm off to the bathroom to lock the door. You wasted no time in digging in the bag for the sock with the little baggy of pills, popping three in your mouth and swallowing them dry. You don’t remember what kind of drug it was... you were just hoping it made you feel good.

—————

You were on autopilot. You forgot how to walk but your muscle memory helped propel you to the dining hall and there they had a sermon about trusting life’s forces and welcoming traumas to push through triggering times. You felt like it was a bunch of bull crap but you were interested because you were high off your ass.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,”

Your dad eyed you closely but worried less when he actually saw you head to the bathroom.

You paced the bathroom until a girl walked in and eyed you closely.

“Your family drag you here too?,” she eyed you up and down. She knew your behavior all too well. You were on the verge of a withdrawal break down.

“You from around here?,” you wanted to get out of here. You wanted to have fun, you wanted to get hammered.

“Yeah why?,”

“Know any parties? Like- with tons of alcohol a-and stuff? I can’t sit around here and listen to this circle of life bullshit! I. Need. Sweat and hookups and to not remember anything,” you rambled and rambled until the girl calmed you down.

“Dude, chill out,” she placed her hands on your shoulder and shook you to calm you down, “Meet me by the ugly ass evergreen tree by the entrance- midnight. I’m about to lose my cool in this place too,”

She could really be a murderer, you don’t know this girl, nor a name, nothing. But it was worth a try. Not like you’d end up being best friends.

—————

It was easy. Savannah was out cold after the dinner- she loved to eat but, it never stuck. You wish you were like that but no... it stuck everywhere, it always did.

Your dad did his last check on you at 10 so it was easy to leave. The girl waited for you in her little Prius and you went about your way.

“I’m Eve by the way,”

“Y/N,”

You didn’t want to converse. You wanted chemicals coursing through your veins to shut off every single thought, every voice, every vision in your head.

“So what’s your story? You know this resort- It’s supposed to be some pseudoscience rehab,”

“Listen, Eve,” you sighed, “I’m not one for talking, now, get some alcohol in me and then you can get in my head, hell maybe even my pants, but until then, I don’t like to talk,”

“My parents found me with a needle in my arm,” she admitted, you cursed under your breath and realized she was gonna ramble anyway. But maybe this was good for her, someone her age, someone she could relate to, “It was laced but... God it was something great and I... I never wanted it to end,” she talked as if it was a dream.

“They told me I flatlined a couple times- I couldn’t tell though but... maybe I did because I felt like I was in heaven,”

She kept talking about her experiences until you pulled up to a house with a bunch of cars out front, you didn’t even wait for her to fully stop the car before jumping out and running inside.

You saw a bunch of tangled, kissing bodies, slumped, passed out bodies, people candy flipping, people snorting lines. You weren’t sure which poison to pick.

You walked up to a girl passing small baggies around, “What’s this?,”

“Its a new street drug called angel wings, wanna try it?,”

“Will it make me feel better than lsd?,”

“Way better, dude,”

“How much can 50 bucks buy?,”

“2 baggies. Five pills come in each,”

You slapped the fifty in her hands and snatched two from her, damn near ripping one of the baggies open, to pop a single periwinkle pill in your mouth and snatching someone’s cup to swallow it down. You spotted Eve looking around for you and rushed over to her, grabbing her hand.

“Wanna dance?,”

“Did you take something already?,”

“Yeah man, you wanted to talk? I’m drugged up enough to talk,”

————

Not much talking happened. You felt yourself crying until she held your face to wipe the tears away and you found yourself in her lap, kissing her with all your might.

“Y/N you don’t want to slow down? We don’t have to do this,”

You took almost a whole baggy of angel wings and felt like you were flying, every single touch she placed on your body made the hairs on your skin stand up.

“Wanna forget, everything,” you slurred, “y-you don’t have to because... someone else will but... I trust you- to take care of me,”

Eve felt her heart swell at your words. She squeezed your thighs in her hands. Your skin was soft just like her ex’s. The one Eve lost due to her addiction driving her away. You gave her a sense of familiarity, so she kissed you back with just as much urgency. Eve had her own drug of choice running through her own bloodstream and every time you touched her had her body vibrating with tingles. She flipped you over and removed any piece of clothing that got in her way.

“Love me...,” you pleaded, your eyes found hers in the dark room. The dark room you’ve been craving just so no one could see you, they can feel you and maybe see your silhouette but the can’t see... you. You felt tears come to your eyes and you were thankful she couldn’t really see them.

“Even though it’s fake.. just... just love me how you would love someone else,”

Teeth clashed, toes curled, muscles tensed, backs arched, it was invigorating. It might have been the drugs, it might have been the fact that Eve seemed to know you like her favorite song. The both of your fingers were soaked and sticky. Skin bruised with love bites and dented with nail impressions. Throats raw from moaning and begging.

You were close and once you hit the big O, you understood the meaning behind the drug name. You heard the beating of wings and saw the bright light. You were an angel ascending and the gates of heaven opened for you just as you let out that final scream of Eve’s name. Eve... first of God’s creation.

You felt her lips on your cheek as she came with you, she held you tight and you stared up at the ceiling, letting your body tremors calm as your mind shut down with the rest of you.

—————

Eve sobered up but you made sure to drink half a bottle of cheap scotch before heading back to face the wrath of your dad.

You saw the big ugly evergreen and grumbled to yourself. Eve held your hand the whole drive and you cringed at any contact. You felt bad that you felt repulsed by her touch but you were too sober for any interaction of the sort.

She parked the car and kissed your cheek, you let her, before getting out and mumbling a thank you and goodbye and heading back in the direction of your room. You slightly stumbled and didn’t notice everyone waiting for you outside. You sniffled and felt your nose hurt, you don’t even remember snorting anything. Don’t remember what pill you popped, what drug you sniffed or what drink you took to the head and that’s how you liked it.

“Where the hell have you been?,”

Your dad’s voice was muffled and all you could do was flutter your eyes at him.

“You’re drugged up right now aren’t you?!”

You simply walked around him in what felt like slow motion, you ignored everyone eyeing you like a helpless puppy and went in the resort room to go to the bathroom.

“Don’t walk away from me, Y/N! What is it going to take for you to get better?! To stop this shit?! You’re killing yourself and don’t even realize it!,”

“Oh I realize it,” you crawl in the bathtub and just sit there. You don’t turn on any water, you just sit there

“I just don’t care enough”

——————

You woke up to a splitting headache, still lying in the tub. You groan as you pick yourself up and head out to the room to see Savannah sitting at the foot of the bed, waiting for you to sober up.

“Why can’t you be normal?,” her eyes were red like she’d been crying, Keith was out cold, he fell asleep waiting for you to wake up, “You’re putting dad through so much. You’re traumatizing Keith. Get a fucking grip and sober up!,” she gritted through her teeth.

“I didn’t ask to be this way. I didn’t ask to be born, Savannah. I’m sorry I’m not perfect and pretty and popular like you or a kid genius like Keith. I’m sorry I’m a junkie with no future. You were there when I was in therapy. You were there when they diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder a-and bipolar disorder and an addictive personality... you were there... I didn’t ask to be this way. Want me to be normal? Well rewire everything in my fucking head to do it,”

She wiped her face and shook her head, “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you,”

“Well don’t. If I’m not worried you shouldn’t be,” you undress and wrap yourself in a towel for a shower, “I’m too far gone for worrying,”

—————

The next day there were multiple families at one of the sermon meeting thingies and it just so happened to be set up like a fucking AA meeting.

“I’m not doing this bullshit,” It was your turn to speak and you scoff, getting ready to get up and leave until Sav stopped you. You heard everyone else’s story and it didn’t inspire you to get better, it didn't move you. You didn’t give a shit about any of this.

“Do this for me... for Keith,”

You saw Keith practically pleading you and you sat back down to introduce yourself.

“I’m Y/N,”

“Welcome, Y/N,” everyone said around the room.

“I’m only here because I was forced to,” You laugh to yourself, “I don’t believe I can get better, I mean I haven’t been anyway. I’ve been faking my drug tests to pass, I’m still using, still drinking,”

You could feel Sam burning holes in the side of your head at your admission.

“Last night I snuck out and got so high I felt like I was flying,” you sighed happily, “I don’t remember when I started using but I uh- it might have been when I was trading my anxiety meds for stronger pills like ecstasy then I jumped to lsd just to run away from my fucked up reality,”

You catch Tony’s eyes, then Steve then Nat and Wanda and Bucky and so on and they all looked at you with fucking pity, it made you sick.

“I don’t believe in this shit okay? I don’t believe in praying away all these fucking chemical imbalances in my head!,” you felt your stomach churn and you felt your eyes sting, “I think I’m okay! I’m fine!,” you yelled, you were angry now, you hated being forced to talk about it.

“I’m doing a lot better with drugs and alcohol than I am without,” you were really trying to convince yourself, you weren’t fooling anyone, “When I’m high I experience the highest of highs! I- I can stay up for days and not need a wink of sleep,” You animated your gestures and looked around in hopes someone would understand.

“I can finally eat without throwing it back up because then I don’t hate myself so fucking much!,” You pound your thighs and felt the shakes come back, “I can finally eat- I can finally give myself the basic things a human needs without hating myself for it” you felt tears pool in your eyes and you hated yourself for crying but you blamed it on the 24 hours of sobriety.

“When I’m high, I don’t feel the extreme lows of my disorders. I finally break out of my shell and meet new people. I talk! I- I meet guys and they show me affection even if it’s for an hour or two and I finally feel loved in my life!,”

You felt Savannah rest her hand on your arm until you jerk away.

“When I’m high- I’m waaaay up and and... and I’m happy! I don’t feel depressed I don’t feel anxious. Being high or drunk shuts up that stupid voice in my head and no one gets it! I am better inebriated! Why can’t you see that!!,” you look to Sam for an answer and all you can see is tears in his eyes.

“And if I die? Hell! It’d be best for everyone! You wouldn’t have to worry anymore! You w-wouldn’t have to waste money on doctors visits just for me to pour someone else’s piss in a fucking cup! No suicide watch! No more not trusting me. No more me faking to be happy.. if this kills me?? Everyone would get what they wanted,”

“What do you think everyone wants, Y/N?,” the woman running the session finally speaks up. Everyone around the room seemed worried for you. You truly didn’t understand why.

You look to Savannah and shake your head.

“Peace,” you shrug and angrily wipe your eyes,

“A normal life”

—————

Once you got back to the room you scream, you screamed so loud and cried and pulled at your roots, you saw yourself in the mirror and threw it off the wall just so you wouldn’t have to look at yourself

“Be normal!,” you screamed at yourself. You felt like a noose was around your neck and the ground beneath you opened up leaving you hanging, feet kicking, desperate for air.

“Why can’t I b-be norm-mal?,” you choked on your words and clawed at your throat. Everything was upside down and spinning.

You didn’t hear the door open, you didn’t know anyone was in the room until your dad picked you up and dragged you outside.

The cool air rushed its way into your nasal passages and your chest opened up with a gasp. You couldn’t see your dad because of the tears, you could barely hear him.

“N-norm-mal... I wanna be normal,” You kept repeating over and over until your body gave out succumbed to your meltdown. Sam hugged your body and rocked you back and forth, despite people watching from their own rooms or passing by.

“We’re gonna get you help,”

“I don’t want he-help. I want it to end! I want black out from all the shit I take a-and not wake up!,”

Sam didn’t know what to do. He knows the trauma he caused you was a part of the reason you’re in this spot and mindset.

“I ruin everything I touch... I... I just..,” out of all the things you could have become- you had to become an addict. At first you didn’t want to acknowledge it because you were functioning just fine, that is until you couldn’t wake up and go about your day without it, you couldn’t do basic daily tasks without popping a perc here and there, until you couldn’t go to sleep without taking something, “I want it to stop but then- then again I don’t b-because I love it- it’s disgusting,”

“It’s going to be okay,”

“But it’s not. Nothing is okay a-and you need to get comfortable with the idea of this killing me because- because it’s going to happen,”

———

“I don’t think drinking is going to help, Sam”

Tony took the cup from Sam and he lost it, “I’m gonna lose my daughter and it’s all my fault,”

Tony didn’t know how to talk about this kind of thing- what can be said?

“It’s no one’s fault, Sam. Life doesn’t always hand us the best cards,”

Sam sniffled and shook his head, lost, frustrated, angry, upset, “What can I do? I’m losing hope,”

“I don’t think you’re going to like my answer but it seems to be her best option,”

Sam looked hopeful- anything will do as long as it gave you a chance to get clean and stay alive

“What is it?,”

———

“Inpatient rehab?!,”

He dropped the bombshell when you all got back home. Dropped it right in front of everyone- maybe he expected you to welcome the idea with open arms but you know what goes on behind those closed doors.

“You’re fucking kidding!,” you had dark circles under your eyes and your lips were dry- your dad had literally kept you on lock down the remainder of the trip, you didn’t even have in person contact with Eve but you did however end up with her number to hit her up whenever.

“You admitted you had a problem, honey. This could be good for you,” Bucky spoke up and you scoffed loudly.

“I’m not going!,” You tugged on the sleeves of your maroon sweater and paced the room, “They’re just going to lock me in a room to the point where I have cold sweats and screaming for more morphine to make the pain, itches and delusions stop!,”

Nat tried to take your hand in hers but you slapped her hand away.

“Y/N!,” Keith stomped his foot and you stared at his small stature. Tears glistening in his eyes, bottom lip quivering, “You need help!! Stop it!,”

You scowled and turned away from your baby brother. Your body trembled as you tried to keep the sobs in.

“When do I go?,”

You weren’t prepared for the answer, but you should have expected it yet your stomach still dropped.

“They’ll be here to pick you up in an hour,”

—————

“Nothing is real,” you mumbled to yourself as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Your face was dull, eyes boring and empty, hair thinning, appetite decreasing. You’d think being here for 60 days so far would do you some good but no...

You barely slept. The first 30 days you cried and screamed to be saved but now you barely even speak. You sat back on your bed just to turn to the wall.

“Wilson- you have visitors,” the nurse came into your room and saw you sitting facing the wall. You were now eligible to have visitors and spend time with family and friends.

“Don’t want visitors,” you cleared your throat and stared at the pale yellow paint on the wall, judging the job of the painters for leaving so many air bubbles in the paint.

“This could do you some good,” your nurse shuts the door behind her and sits with you on your bed, “Your family loves and misses you. Seeing them could motivate you to finish this strong,”

That made you laugh, genuinely. Your body shook with an animated belly laugh.

“They fucking locked me away in here,” you frowned, feeling sick to your stomach, “They let those people drag me away and lock me in here. Fuck their love, it’s not real!,”

She sighed and nodded knowing nothing she said would change how you feel. She’s seen it plenty of times before. She’s seen people recover completely yet still resent their families and loved ones for sending them here.

“I’m always able to contact them if you ever change your mind,”

“Fat chance,”

——

The nurse walked to the family area to see the hopeful faces of your family and loved ones. They hadn’t seen you in 60 something days.

“I’m sorry but Y/N isn’t feeling well enough to have visitors,” the nurse plays with her watch band and hates to see the way everyone’s faces drops.

“I want to see my sister!,” Keith tugged on Sam.

“What do you mean she’s not feeling well? She should be feeling at least a little fine in this stage right?,”

She sighs and shakes her head, “The stages in recovery are subjective. Chemical dependency is a hard thing to battle- some days she’s fine and some days like today she’s angry at everything and everyone. As much as I would like for her to see everyone, we can not force her,”

Steve stands up and sets a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “On a day, that she’s feeling better, will you call us?,”

“Of course,”

———

“I know she’s still angry,” Sam sent Savannah and Keith to their rooms while he stayed up with everyone else, “She’s my daughter, I know how she is. She holds grudges a-and she’s still upset,”

“Maybe, but she’ll see this was something she needed,” Bruce tried to make things better but nothing would be better until you were.

“How did things get this bad?,” he slammed his glass on the table and startled everyone.

“I know it’s hard right now but just- just calm down, Sam,” Bucky worried about his friend. He could only imagine how much he was losing his mind and hope on the inside.

“Calm down?,” Sam asked incredulously, “Calm the fuck down?! How can I calm down when I don’t even know if I’m going to see my daughter again, man?,” the legs of the chair screeched against the floor as he stood up in a rush.

Wanda rested a hand on his arm to try and soothe him but he wasn’t having it, “We get it, Sam. We know you’re hurting-,”

“But you don’t!,” he shouted, “You weren’t there when I got a phone call at work from her school nurse saying she had cuts all on the inside of her thigh! You didn’t see it! It looked like fucking grid paper and crosshatching! You weren’t there when I had to sit there in therapy and listen to the way she talks about herself and her life and me- my daughter hates herself and genuinely thinks I hate her and she believes everything that goes wrong is her fault- you didn’t hear the way she talked about herself!,”

For longest time Sam kept quiet about all of this, just wanting to push through it until it got better but it was time he faced the music.

“You weren’t there when she screamed at me, telling me she wished she was never born and I just stood there calling her ungrateful, selfish and dramatic! I didn’t listen to her, I only paid attention to Savannah and Keith and left her feeling unloved. You weren’t there when I caught her sneaking out and she was drunk, you weren’t there when I ignored everything the psychiatrist said about her having an addictive personality and excused all the signs she started to display until I fucking found her blacked out with throw up all over her!,”

He realized he couldn’t just pin it all on you. You were suffering and he hated himself for not realizing it until he was.

No one knew what to say- they were only outsiders, sure they were family but they didn’t get an inside scoop until a few months ago when they got a phone call from Sam saying you were in the hospital. They still didn’t know how to handle it. They could fight bad guys and fucking aliens all day but addiction of a loved one? That was new and left them stumped.

“But damn you were there when she talked about being okay with it if this just killed her. No one wants to hear a loved one say that- especially their child!,” he ran a hand over his face to get rid of the tears, he felt like he didn’t have a right to cry, “I did a lot of wrong as her father and I didn’t even think how my shitty actions contributed to where she is now. Now my daughter could be dying while trying to recover,”

Tony stood up and pulled Sam in a hug, grateful that Sam was seeing everything from a different perspective than his own. He was grateful that Sam was a father trying to right his wrongs and do better.

“It’s not too late,”

————

Your nurse came a few times a week letting you know that you had visitors but you turned them away each time.

The cold sweats happened less, you ate more, your skin started to warm up again and you could finally sleep throughout the night but you still wouldn’t see them. It’d probably bring back a ton of memories that would trigger you to relapse.

You earned yourself time out of the facility but only with supervision. Your nurse, Brielle, accompanied you to trips to the park and lunches.

“Y/N?,”

You looked in the direction of the voice and saw Savannah smiling at seeing you but fear just filled you.

She looked different, she cut her hair and dyed it, her make up was softer and her style was more... indie?

“I’ve missed you so much,” she moved in for a hug but you moved away only to see her smile drop, “Y/N, don’t do that. I’m your sister,”

“I’m recovering from substance abuse not amnesia,” You scowled. You turned to Brielle and asked her to go.

“Why can’t you just be normal?,”

Savannah’s voice echoed in your head and you felt a band around your head tightening yet again, it was your body’s reaction to let you know that you need to get out of the situation or else you’d fall subject to a mental break.

“Brielle, we gotta go,” You scooted out of the booth, past Savannah and tugged Brielle out of the restaurant- forgetting that you were even ordering.

“Y/N please! Talk to me! Talk to Keith, Dad! We miss you,”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!!,” you covered your ears and dropped down against the car, feeling dizzy, feeling every swirl around you as you tried to grasp onto reality.

“Grow through what you go through, grow through what you go through, grow through what you go through,”

You repeated the mantra over and over again. It’s a mantra designed specifically for you. Every patient gets their own mantra for when they feel like they’re losing. Yours is to help you remind yourself that nothing is ever easy but that doesn’t mean give up... life and it’s struggles will always be there but that doesn’t mean stunt your growth and efforts. Grow through what you go through.

“That’s right, you’re doing great,” Brielle whispered, she looked at Savannah over her shoulder and shook her head, “I know it’s hard not seeing her but it’s in Y/N’s best interest that she be willing to see you or anyone else on her own terms,”

Savannah hated to see you crouched on the ground, shaking and mumbling to yourself. She mumbled a sorry before rushing over to her car and crying to herself as she drove home and bursting through the doors, clearly upset to everyone else.

“Dad what’s wrong with, Vanna?,”

Sam looked up to see Savannah cursing to herself, and crying. She wasn’t upset with anyone but herself.

“She looked so scared of me!,”

Sam’s stomach dropped, he didn’t even have to ask who ‘she’ was.

“You saw her?,” Sam didn’t trust his voice and there was a reason for it.

“She was out with her nurse. She looks so much better a-and she looks healthy, she’s eating again. She doesn’t look she’s dying!,”

Savannah was rambling and frustrated that she triggered you like that, “I saw her, I spoke to her but I scared her so bad she fell to the ground and covered her ears so she wouldn’t hear me talking, I- what if she relapses and it’s all my fault?,”

Sam pulled his sobbing daughter into his arms and calmed her down as best as he could, “She’s your sister, anyone in that situation would have done what you did, you miss her and that’s valid,”

It mad him feel good that you seemed to be getting better, that you looked healthy and lively. He just hoped you would be willing to see everyone soon.

------

“You have visitors today but I can send them aw-,”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” it’s been another 30 days and you figured it’s time to face the music, face everyone and maybe get the supposed closure everyone was saying you needed,

You missed her initial shock from your response but she nodded and waited for you anyway. You slipped on your cardigan and slippers, then let Brielle lead you to the visiting area.

Everyone expected to be turned away again but when they saw a second body behind Brielle, they all stood up ready to greet you but she held her hands up in caution

“It’s best to not overwhelm her and to let her initiate any contact,”

Sam just wanted to hug his daughter and let her know how sorry he was but he knew she was right. 

You hated the way you felt their eyes burning into you, you couldn't bear to look at them, not yet, so your eyes focused on getting your foot directly in the center of each tile on floor. Brielle sat you down across from them and told you she’d be right outside if you needed anything.

Then there you all were. Face to face.

“It’s been so long,” Keith whimpered, “I missed you so much,”

You played with a stray string in your cardigan and sighed.

“It’s been a long four months, sweetie. I missed you so much,” Sam just wanted you to look at him. Your hair was getting thick again, you skin shone under the sun, your lips were moisturized with color instead of grey and chapped. He could see you were doing better

“Four months, 17 days, 3 hours, 44 minutes and” You cut your attention to the clock on the wall, “12 seconds,” your voice was hoarse and you cursed yourself for it, “That's how long it’s really been,” you wrapped your arms around yourself as a comforting gesture.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to push you to that point, baby. I should have been better,”

“Life is too short to feel sorry for ourselves,” you looked up at the ceiling light and shrugged, “This place is all about being philosophical. Don’t be sorry, be better. That’s all they fucking say,” you grit through your teeth.

“Like oh, don't feel sorry for yourself- no one forced you to drink so much, no one told you to roll up that dollar bill, no one held a gun to your head and told you to take those pretty pills with cool names that look like candy,” you smiled and laughed at yourself, the nervous tick you’ve developed to keep from crying.

“No one told you to be ungrateful and hate the gift of life that was given to you, so don't feel sorry for yourself, be better,” you used a mocking voice and rolled your eyes, “There’s no need to blame yourself, the common variable is me, I have to be accountable for my actions,” 

Everyone was worried about how scripted this sounded but they dubbed it down to you being a little upset about being forced here, still.

“I still should have been a better, dad,”

“We aaalll make mistakes, Sammy,” he didn’t miss that you didn’t call him dad. Everyone caught it, “But not every dad kicks their family out on Christmas eve with nowhere to go in the freezing cold,”

His heart stopped, he’s never forgiven himself for that drunken mistake. The marriage problems between him and your mom drove him to develop a drinking problem and due to his little problem, it caused him to mess up a lot of things up. 

“Why was it me? Like why did Savannah and Keith get to move past all of this and I’m the one stuck? I’m the one suffering even while recovering?”

No one could answer that.

“Why did I have to be the one to talk to the cops because you sent me back to mom with bruises on my legs, huh? I didn’t want to- I didn’t want them to go after you because you were still my dad- I still loved you after yelling at me at dinner, I still loved you after sending me back to mom early when you couldn’t stand to be around me- I still loved you when you moved away and missed big chunks in my life but you kept Sav and Keith. What did I do? Tell me, please, maybe I can fix it, maybe I can be better. I just want my dad to love me,”

“I do love you Y/N! And I’ll never forgive myself for-,

“Don't be sorry! Be better!,” you shouted over him. Angry with yourself that you began crying.

No one knew what to say. Everyone else was here for support but this was clearly a father and daughter situation.

“Did you ever love me?,”

A question a child should never have to ask their parent.

“When I got the call that your mother was in labor with you on my birthday the world stopped,” Sam sat with his elbows on his knees, looking dead at you but you still wouldn’t look at him, “You were the best gift I could have ever asked for.. ever. After we had you, I can’t tell you what went wrong because I don’t know,”

“It’s my fault,” You sobbed, “Say it! It’s my fault. Had I not been born, everyone’s life would be better!,”

You finally looked at him and everyone could see the fire in your eyes, wild and couldn’t be tamed, your trauma being the fuel.

“It’s not your fault at all. I have failed you as a father and I... I let it go on for far too long without acknowledging it and apologizing for it before it got too late,”

“If I could go back in time to make things better I would. I never wanted you to feel unloved or that life would be better without you,”

He hated to be sitting across from you, your mind dead set on him hating you. He just screwed up a lot in his life.

“I let you down so much. I love you more than you could ever know. I just fucked up a lot as your dad,”

“Y/N, sweetie, I know this is hard,” Tony chimed, “But this could be a new beginning for you both. You’re recovering and he’s trying to right his wrongs before it’s too late. It’s not going to be easy and I know everything hurts and it’s going to take time but you know what they say.. grow through what you go through,”

You didn’t have time to ask how he knew your mantra, but it made sense eventually.

“I forgave you a long time ago, dad,” you pulled your cardigan sleeves down, and used them to wipe your eyes, “I didn’t think it’d matter if I became Falcon’s candy flipping daughter or not, I just wanted to make everything stop. I- I just wanted to be numb so I didn’t feel bad about any and everything,”

Sam didn’t take into account how much you were actually battling in day to day life. He didn’t believe anything the psychiatrist was saying when you were 10, if only he did, all of this could have been avoided.

“I’m still fighting my want to just relapse in anyway I can but... I can’t bring myself to do it because I know if I do, that might be it and I don’t want it to be that way dad,” 

He reached out to grab your hands and could have sobbed when you didn’t move away

“It doesn't have to be,“

------

180 days is a long time, it might not seem like it, but it is a long ass time for someone to go without something that they believe made them better. Someone who took multiple substances at a time just to shut down their mind so they don’t remember things, so they don’t feel things.

“You gonna be ok watching Keith? We need Sav on this,”

“I got him, dad. Just be safe,”

Sam hated to admit it but he was still worried to leave you alone. He made Tony put away all of his alcohol and set up a security code so no one could get in it.

“I won’t have anyone over, I don’t know the code to the cellar. I’m not going to put Keith through that again, dad. Have a bit more trust in me,”

He watched the way your eyes twinkled and nodded before kissing your cheek and heading out with the team.

“Can we play mancala? No one else likes to play it with me,“

“Sure thing, bud. Let’s go,”

You two played mancala for multiple rounds, just for him to beat you almost every time. You two watched Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader for hours while eating shitty kraft mac and cheese before getting him ready for bed.

“Can you stay with me? So I know you’re safe,” 

“Did dad put you up to that?,“

“I just miss my big sister, Y/N,” He sat up and played with his blanket, “I almost saw you dead... you wouldn’t talk to us for forever, I just missed my big sister,” you didn’t mean to make him cry.

“Hey, hey, I’m right here buddy, I’ll stay, okay?,”

You crawled under his blanket and held him tight and he held you even tighter, not wanting you to leave. 

----

You don’t know what triggered the nightmare but you woke up in your own room, right on the floor, sweaty and panting. You never sleep walk. You felt something stick to your sweaty palm and look down to see a small plastic baggie with those pretty blue pills from the night you blacked out. 

You threw it across the room and curled up against the side of your bed whimpering your mantra to yourself.

“Would you like me to call for help?,” Friday spoke overhead.

“I'm okay,” you clenched your eyes shut and did what you could to muster up the strength to just get up and flush them. It should have been a relief to do it but you felt a pang in your chest. You should have been proud of yourself for having the strength to not break sobriety. 

“I thought you said you were gonna be okay?,” Keith’s voice scared the hell out of you, “If you were going to be okay then you wouldn’t look so upset as you flushed them,“

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Keith. Go back to bed,“

“I’m telling dad,”

“Tell him what?,” you snapped your neck to him, eyes narrowing, “What? that I’m still fucking struggling? Yeah, I’ll tell him myself, bud,”

“He’s gonna send you back,” Keith didn’t mean to scare you, he was just worried and his words weren’t coming out right.

“I’d rather shit in my hands and clap,” you threw the baggie away and walked past him to sit on your bed to just try and calm down.

“Do I need to call him,”

“No,”

“Then what needs to happen?,”

“I need you to just be quiet!,” you hated raising your voice at him, but the rambling and patronizing was not helping.

“I’m calling dad,”

--------------

It was past midnight when they were all headed back and Sam got the phone call from Keith.

“Hey, son,”

“Y/N was walking while she was asleep and then woke up with a bag of pills in her hands,”

“What? she didn’t take any did she?,” Sam’s tone had everyone turning to him with expressions of worry.

“No but she looked sad when she flushed them,”

Sam sighed happily when he heard you’d flushed them. But for you to seem sad while doing so?  that couldn’t be a good thing.

“She’s mad that I called you but you need to know, she locked herself in her room after yelling at me. I can hear her crying and talking to herself. I didn’t mean to make her mad, dad,”

Sam sighed and sat back down beside Savannah who was waiting for her dad to hang up so she could know what was happening.

“She’s going to be okay, bud. You have to understand that what she went through was not easy. She might be out of hat place but she’s fighting everyday  to continue to get better and get her mind far away from that stuff as best as she can. We have to be patient, okay?,”

You had been pacing in your room. You knew all of this would put you so many steps back with your dad and his trust. You flinched at the sound of knocking at your door and his voice.

“Sweetie, open up,” 

You didn’t want to face him right now. You didn’t want to talk about it, nothing. You didn’t need anyone scolding you as you were already scolding yourself. You hadn’t stopped beating yourself up about it.

Sam didn’t want to freak out when you didn’t reply. He didn’t want to admit that he thought the worst, “Honey, please,”

“Dad, I am fine. Get some rest,” another step back. You were doing good not shutting anyone out but the moment something goes down, you forget all your effort.

“Y/N, I am not here to be mad at you. I am here to make sure you’re okay and to let you know I am here. You just gotta let me in,”

You cursed to yourself before walking over to the door to unlock it and let him in. He didn’t hesitate to pull you into a tight hug. 

“I didn’t take anything,”

“I know... even if you did- I wouldn’t be mad at you, disappointed yes, but mad? No. Relapse sometimes comes with recovery,”

You don’t know that Sam had been attending seminars for parents that have kids battling different things such as addiction. Multiple lessons were learned as well as communication pointers. 

“I didn’t mean to do that while Keith was here. I understand if you don’t trust me anymore,”

“I still trust you, Y/N. You don’t need to be beating yourself up right now. You did the right thing in flushing whatever you had, even if it did make you a little sad and made you feel like you needed it in that moment. Be proud of yourself. You took a big step forward by doing that, be proud,”

“How can I be proud when I hate myself for flushing them?,” you had to be honest. You wouldn’t be feeling this if you weren’t presented with them. It made you feel weak. You should be able to look at these things and be able to say no with no guilt.

“Because you flushed them regardless. This takes time, Y/N. I’m being patient with you now, so you have to learn to be patient with yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day,”

“Yeah well the people who built it up weren’t highed up on something now were they?,” 

“Don’t be self-deprecating. You’re still going strong. Be proud even if you feel like there isn’t a reason to be,”

You knew he was right. Whether you were sad about flushing them, you still got the guts to do it and that’s commendable, you should be proud. You were kicking your ass when you should be happy and feel relief. You shouldn’t be feeling this weight, you shouldn’t be feeling guilty.

You’re growing through what you go through and that deserves a pat on the back.

---------------

You don’t know how you got here. You went back to school and shit came crumbling down. You were going strong but the weight of responsibility and insecurity became too much. Walking down the fucking halls everyday, comparing yourself to every girl that looked like barbie then going to the bathroom to stare at your reflection and pick yourself apart until the voices became too loud for you to handle so you went to the school plug and slapped money in his hand

“Anything will do,”

After school he came back and handed you a black plastic bag with cheap alcohol in it. You hid in an empty class room and barely drank a quarter of the bottle before you felt sick, like your body was rejecting what you were trying to force down into it. 

Your fingers moved faster than your mind, grabbing for your phone and dialing away.

“Hello?,”

You sniffled and held the bottle close to your chest, “Uncle Tony? I- I...,” you hiccuped and hugged the bottle close to your chest, “Uncle Tony, I messed up,”

-----

He was there for you in no time. He knew you wouldn’t want to talk about it but he knew your dad would have to find out about this. 

“I don’t wanna go back. I’m done growing through what I grow through, its a crock of shit,”  you stared out the window, eyes heavy.

“I know the fight becomes annoying,” Tony sighed, “But from the looks of it, your body has already made a decision for you,” 

He was right, a few sips and your body was angry with you. You should be thankful because it didn’t always work like that with other people who were fighting this like you. Others bodies often welcomed such a thing back easily, the bodies of some couldn’t even continue the fight without it before giving out.

“Plus you let someone know, as soon as it happened. Everyone can see your efforts. You may be tired of growing through it but it’s become natural for you and you don’t even realize it, though I can’t blame you. I was the same way,”

He sprinkled that last bit in there like it was a dash of parsley to complete a dish and it had your neck snapping to look at him. “Excuse me?,”

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows all while mumbling “well,” he pulled to a stop light and looked over at you, “I wasn’t always the polished hero I am now,”

He patted your leg in a hopeful manner, “In my days of college, getting drugs was as easy as buying cola from the corner store. Trying to run a company that my dad didn’t really want me to have in the first place to staying up all day everyday to make it through college was bound to get me in some trouble,” the light turned green and he lightly put his foot on the gas to continue the peaceful rid home, “I’d snort some coke to keep me away and focus long enough to study, I thought it was normal because the other students were doing it, until it wasn’t about trying to focus on school anymore. It was about  how high I could get and how good I could feel to the point I couldn’t walk out my dorm in the morning for class without rubbing a little on my gums or cutting up a quick line,”

“How’d you kick it?,” You never would have thought he batted such a thing, he changed for the better and picked himself up.

“The nose bleeds. The doctor told me if I didn’t stop I wouldn’t see the day I graduated. Told me I’d never see the day where I became the man I deserved as a role model as a kid. I wanted to be better than him. In a moment of weakness, my recovery was fueled by spite,” 

“I guess everyone’s come-to-Jesus meeting is a bit different,” you give a small smile and shrug, “Mine was when Keith practically slapped some sense into me. He’s a kid, who wants their little sibling walking around knowing their older sibling is a fucking fiend?,” you give a harsh scoff and roll your eyes as you feel tears coming, “He didn’t deserve to see me like that, that night- in and out of consciousness, watching them pump me full of coal and other shit to keep me alive, that screwed up his head and he’s barely hit puberty yet,”

Tony could almost hear the tears in your voice, you had your head turned to look out the window, he didn’t need to see your face to know.

“He’s your ticket out of the dark room,”

-----

Your dad didn’t put you back in the rehabilitation center because you owned up to knowing you messed up, because you called someone for help, knowing the slight possibility that you might have gotten a few people upset.

It was all trial and error, a constant fight, day and night even in your moments of shut eye. 

It was a learning experience for Sam, it taught him how to be a better dad, taught him that although he can’t go back and change things, he still has now to break habits and form healthy ones and make them the foundation of a healthy relationship between father and child.

He was in your corner and that helped keep your head above water.

Addiction and mental illness were never cut and dry. There’d always be doubts and close calls of near relapse but it was a fight you’d be willing to put up with 24/7. 

You never wanted to be back in that dark room of addiction. Driving yourself insane trying to find the next fix so you feel “normal”- but there was nothing normal about forcing yourself to be numb, there was nothing normal about denying you need help. Nothing normal whatsoever about forcing chemicals that could kill you into your body just to be happy. 

This, this right here was normal. Feeling pain, fighting, crying, trials, everything that you’re feeling now. Feeling is normal, even if it hurts sometimes.

You’d never stop growing through what you go through, but the fight.. that effort you put in.. it’ll always be worth it.

---------------------

this took so long to write because I was never satisfied with it. I kept editing and erasing and adding more. And here is the finished product. It doesn’t have to resonate with you but here it is. Thank you for the love and support you guys always gift me.

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS ENCOURAGED AND APPRECIATED>

tags: @vozit @blackreaders-assemble @retroxvailles @champangebucky @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @valkyriesnymph @dumbchick @mbaku-babygirl​ @veryhellshdia @persephones24 @here-for-your-bullshit @mokacoconut @spideys-wife @xye-weirdo @chonisberonica @disaster-rose @micki-smiles @valentinevirgo @yournonlocalpoc​ @warmchick​ @hisxblackxqueen​

[jaehyunspeachparty]

Daddy Jaehyun

i.viii.

a/n: I just wanted to write a drabble, but somehow it has become sooo long. I hope you like the 3.6k story and for ideas and request you can always write me.

Daddy Jaehyun Masterlist

Jaehyun sat at the dining table with his daughter Miga and both drew something. You were quite restless this morning. Every food wasn’t good for you, but you were very hungry. You search the entire kitchen to find something edible for you.

"Babe, are you okay?" Jaehyun was also nervous about you running all over the kitchen.

"We have nothing to eat." You lean exhausted against the fridge. The little boy in your belly did not make it easy for you in the last few days. He was very wild, constantly kicking and you had the weirdest cravings. It was never so bad with Miga and slowly your new pregnancy developed very differently.

"The fridge is completely full, don’t you really find anything?" Jaehyun laughed and set aside the pencils in front of him.

"No! I mean there is something…but no…that’s stupid.“ You start to run nervously through the apartment again.

„Y/N, what do you want? I'll get you anything you want." Jaehyun got up and drove through Miga’s hair. She loved it when he did this random. She always pinched her eyes together and started to smile.

"Do you remember this little bakery in the place where we got engaged? They had wholegrain pretzels with caramel and, oh, and then this cocoa with the salted marshmallows. I would give everything to get this.“

"And what if we go there?" Jaehyun's face was the same, but you were not sure if he was serious.

"That's 3 hours away!“ It was a small sweet place by the sea. Jaehyun proposed to you there years ago. You spent three nights in a small hotel and it was one of the best memories you had. From time to time you were still driving to this place. But since Miga was born, you have not visited it. Sometimes you wonder if much has changed.

"I'm serious! Let's go there, we'll stay there for one night. I have a free weekend, we should use that. Miga will love it.“ You liked Jaehyun's idea. As long as you were able to move, a little trip wouldn’t be a bad idea.

"Okay, then I'll pack the things for us." You grinned and kissed Jaehyun.

The drive was pretty calm. Miga had her nap right in the car so you did not have to listen to children's songs for three hours. Jaehyun and you could reminisce about your first visit at this place. It were cozy hours in the car and when you saw the sea, your heart got warm. Miga was still sleeping all the time, but you could not wait to show her the beach.

The first place you visited was the bakery with the special pretzel and cocoa. It was right on the pier so you could sit outside. Miga was still sleepy, but when she got a plate full of biscuits, she was suddenly very quickly awake.

"Maybe we should not give her that much sugar." You stir in your daughter's cocoa so it can cool faster.

"Oh, today it's okay. We're on vacation." Jaehyun grinned and looked into the distance. It was so peaceful here, the sea air smells wonderful and the sun threw a unique light on the village. And you finally had your long-awaited pretzel with caramel. When you ate the first one, you could not stop it. It was exactly what you needed.

"I think we have to buy a few more." Jaehyun laughed and tasted a piece. But he quickly made a  disgusted face.

"Well, I don’t really like that. I don’t understand how you can eat so many of them." He took a long sip of his water to rinse the taste off.

"Ask your son in here, he's responsible for my cravings." You lean back and start stroking your stomach. And again you feel how the little one wriggled in you and kicked his feet.

„Hey little boy, let your mother eat something decent." Jaehyun also touched your belly and at that moment your child is firmly kicking his hand. His eyes grew big and he could not believe it at first.

"Was that a kick?" He stayed in the same place with his hand because he was almost frozen.

"And what a one." You exhale deeply, because this was also a bit painful and you was slightly sick. But it was the first time Jaehyun could feel him from the outside.

"I think he enjoys our trip too." You smiled while your husband continued to scan your stomach.

"Miga, do you want feel it too?" Jaehyun lifted your little daughter onto his lap, but she immediately turned to her father's chest.

"No." She had another biscuit in her hand and she quickly bit off.

"But don’t you like to say hello to your little brother?" Jaehyun kept trying, but it didn’t help. She clutched her biscuit firmly and shook her head.

"What are we going to do with you?" Jaehyun sighs and strokes his daughter's hair. Miga felt very comfortable on her father's lap, so she buried herself more in his upper body and continued to eat her biscuits.

"She's getting used to it. I think she just can not imagine a little sibling, but I'm sure she'll be a great big sister." You smiled softly and took a big sip of your cocoa.

"How relaxed you are when you give in to your cravings." Jaehyun started to laugh and looked at the empty plate, where all the caramel pretzels once lay. You lean aside and hold your belly.

"Hmm maybe, but maybe it's all this too. The place, you, Miga and this little boy in here." You feel so much love and calm at that moment that you sometimes wonder if that is the paradise. Maybe that was just your heavily hormonal emotions. But you could not remember the last time you felt so much happiness.

After you had drunk the cocoa and Miga had proudly eaten all their biscuits, you went for a walk threw the small streets. You explore the little place here, that had hardly changed and visited a small playground. Miga could romp there and played with other children. She was good at finding friends, she took care of other kids, so you didn’t worry that she will not accept her little brother. You see how well she interacted with other children and how happy she is because of them. You were sure it would do her good if she got a sibling.

You really wanted to experience the sunset on the beach, so you walked back to the sea in the evening. Jaehyun bought cotton candy, which you shared with your daughter. And so you sit in a beach chair and watched how the setting sun reflected in the water.

"Stay that way, I'll take a picture of you two." Jaehyun pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera. Miga sat on your lap and she starts to smile. Jaehyun took some pictures, but he didn’t sit back to you. He stares at his screen and you can see him trying to read everything.

"Is everything okay?" You looked at him worried, because you were afraid that they need something from him at work. You finally had a weekend for you, you did not want it to end up that way.

"I don’t think so, Taeyong called several times, I'll call back quickly and see if there's a problem." Jaehyun sighed desperately, he didn’t want to be bothered with the work either. But you nod with confidence and he went a few feet away so he could make his call in peace. Miga was sitting next to you and looked into the sea.

"Do you like the sunset?" You stroked her hair and at the same time you controlled that she has not any strands of hair in her face. Her hair has become so long lately and she looked a little bit older. Your daughter is getting bigger and that makes you sentimental.

"Yessss." She grins and tries to get up, but you try to get her to sit again.

"Watch out Miga! You will hurt yourself." It was one of her bad habits that she got up anytime, anywhere. You were always afraid that she would fall off her chair and hurt herself. But she always listened to you and she sat down again.

"Miga I want to talk to you." You look lovingly at your daughter and stroke her cheek.

"You're a big girl now, right?" Miga nodded confidently and she turned closer to you.

"And we can now have a girl to girl talk right?" She nods again and looks at you with her dark brown eyes. She has exactly the same eyes as Jaehyun, the same dark color and the wonderful almond-like shape.

"I know you did not want a little brother, but you're going to be a big sister now and you have to be strong. You have to take care of him, if he comes, he will be very small and pretty fragile, like your dolls.“ She continues to look at you wide-eyed and you decide to lift her to your lap. You want to show your daughter that getting a brother is a good thing.

"You can teach him things and you can play a lot with him. That sounds funny, right?" You smile and look expectantly to your daughter. She stares into the distance, her fingers play with her lower lip and she nods.

"I want to play with him now." She looks at you wide-eyed and you had to laugh because of it.

"You need to wait a little bit. First he has to grow, then he can come." With one hand, you point to your stomach, which you start to stroke. Miga nudges your stomach with her little finger.

"Is he in there?" At this point she was quite fascinated and she tapped again against your belly.

"Yeah, and he's awake right now. Put your hand there.“ You pull your shirt up a bit, took your daughter's hand and put it on the spot where you feel the kicks. And when Miga put her palm on your skin, the little boy in you started kicking wildly.

"Wooaaahhh!" Miga was very excited and she started to giggle. The baby kicked more and your daughter could feel her brother for the first time. She kept giggling and you were glad that for the first time she accepted her sibling.

"Well, what did I miss?" Jaehyun came back and stood in front of you.

"Miga got to know her brother." You smile satisfied and gently stroke the back of your daughter.

"For real?" He laughed and leaned down to her. She nodded and hugged your stomach. It was so sweet and heartwarming that you had to cry a bit.

"Is everything okay? What did Taeyong say?" Meanwhile Miga climbed down from your lap and hangs herself on her father. Jaehyun took her in his arms and hesitated to answer.

"I'll tell you that later." He tried to smile, but you knew it was something that kept him busy. But you could not go on, as he had picked Miga up and walked a few steps to the sea.

"Look Miga. Right here I asked your mother if she wanted to marry me."

On the way to your hotel, Miga got tired and ended up sleeping on her dad's back. Jaehyun put on her pajamas gently and put her to bed. On the way you stopped also in a convinient store and have bought a few snacks and something to drink. Your hotel room had a terrace with a couch of pallets. While Jaehyun puts your daughter to bed, you preparing everything on the terrace. It was still pleasantly warm outside and you wanted to enjoy the togetherness this weekend as well.

"Unbelievable, she did not even wake up." Jaehyun came out and grabbed a bottle of Soju. He sat down in the corner of the couch and leaned back.

„I wish sometimes that I could sleep so well, but the little man in me becomes so active in the last days." You give yourself a ginger ale that has been one of your cravings lately too.

"Come to me." Jaehyun held out his hand and you followed him. You sit down between his legs and leaned your head against his shoulders.

"Would you like to tell me what Taeyong said?" You looked up at him and see how he took a sip of the bottle.

"They want to make a new mini-album with NCT U. Now they're going to talk about who's supposed to be in. Actually, I've always been most of the time in all NCT U's songs, but this time they're thinking of excluding me." You notice a sadness in his voice and you could imagine that it was certainly hard to be excluded somewhere.

"Taeyong wanted to know if he should stand up for me. But the talks will not start until next week anyway." He took another big gulp and then leaned his head against yours.

"Why did they want to exclude you?" You reach for his arm with your hand and lean with your cheek against them. Jaehyun laughed a little scornfully.

"Because I'm not so good for their marketing in NCT anymore. I'm married and soon I will have two kids. That's not interesting for fans and the idol market. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore, we should enjoy the evening." He kissed your temple and pushed you closer to him. Of course, you did not want him to make a comeback with NCT again. In a few months you would get your second child and you wanted him to be there for you, Miga, and your son. But for today it was better to put the topic aside.

Meanwhile it got colder and Jaehyun put a blanket over you. You are cuddled up there, reminiscing about how you got engaged or how you became pregnant with Miga for the first time. By the late evening Jaehyun was a little bit tipsy and he also became more touchy. His hands moved along your shoulders. With his fingers he stroke your collarbones and went down your breastbone into your décolleté.

"Are your breasts still hurting?" His voice was tender and his lips were close to your ear. Your hairs got up and you shake your head. His hands moved under your shirt and under your bra. Slowly he starts to massage your breasts. With his fingertips he plays with your nipples, which swelled slowly more and more. You hear Jaehyun groan softly in your ear, and you can barely keep yourself quiet too.

"Does it feel good?" He massages your breasts further, but this time his grip was much firmer.

"Yes." You lean your head back and moan softly. It felt so good that you forgot everything around you. You just wanted to feel him on your whole body.

"Hmm, your boobs are feeling better than ever. Oh my god, they're so big and firm, how would it be if I put my dick threw them." Jaehyun loved dirty talk when he was a little tipsy. Soberly he seldom spoke like that, but you liked this side. But maybe this was not the place to continue this kind of conversation.

"Jaehyun ..." You enjoyed his hand on you again, but you are already clutching his wrist to show that he should stop.

"Maybe we should move this to tomorrow when we get back home. Everyone can see us here and Miga sleeps inside." The downside of marring an idol was that in public you always had to watch what he or you did. People try always to make compromising photos. But you did not want to offer such people a platform.

"Hmm, you're right." Jaehyun slowly pulled his hand out of your breasts and put his arms around your belly. He gently strokes it and you closed your eyes.

"Can you believe we'll have another family member soon?" Jaehyun touched after the kicks as the baby just got quite alive. He has not let you sleep so well lately.

"Well, it's a bit more realistic for me because our son is always moving." You laugh and lean further into the shoulder of your husband.

"Hmm I know, but for me that's sometimes so incredible, you run around with a round belly for a few months and then ... there's just suddenly a baby there.“ He was right, it was a bit unbelievable. That's why it's probably called miracle. As a man, it must be particularly difficult, because you can only feel the baby by kicking. As a mother, you feel everything more intensively, you feel your child grow inside you and so you already have a very different relationship to each other.

"I can not wait to meet him." Jaehyun's voice was suddenly very quiet. He was so gentle and you could feel a little sadness.

"I feel the same." You look up at him and give him a kiss. You'll stay like this for a while, until you got tired and went to bed.

That night you finally could sleep through again. For the first time this week, the little boy in your stomach stayed calm. Maybe it was because you were so relaxed or because Miga slept in your bed. She was rarely allowed to do that except when Jaehyun was traveling. She then could always sleep in your bed. You still had your eyes closed, but you could feel the sun shining in the room. And then you heard the most beautiful sound: Your daughter’s giggling.

You open your eyes and see how Jaehyun and Miga were facing each other and how he was tickling his daughter.

"Stop daddy." But she did not want him to stop and he kept tickling her. Then he pulled Miga to him and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're so cute, I think I have to eat you." Jaehyun pretend as if he was biting his daughter and tickled her again. The giggling of the two lights up the room and you watched them for a while while you stroke your belly. And there it was again, the feeling of happiness that flows through your veins. And in that moment you felt so blessed.

The morning passed quickly, you had breakfast in the hotel, bought even more caramel prezel for your future cravings and you ate something for lunch. But then your little holiday was over and you had to drive home slowly. It hurt you a bit to leave this beautiful place, but you were glad that Jaehyun brought you here. You hoped that the ride did not take too long, but then Miga suddenly had to go to the bathroom immediately. So you leave the highway to find a gas station, but there were the toilets locked. So Jaehyun went with her into the bushes, so that she could pee there.

"Daddy, why is the dog crying?" Miga looked wide-eyed at her father as she peed. Jaehyun held her under her armpits so she would not pee on her clothes.

"What do you mean?" Jaehyun looks around, but could not see anything. But when Miga was finished, she ran with her little feet to another bush.

"Here daddy." She gestured to something and Jaehyun came closer to examine it. And then he heard it too, the whimpering of a small dog. He then recognized the border of a box, which he immediately pulled out of the bush. It was a shoebox, with a few small holes. Jaehyun lifted the top and could not believe his eyes. In the box sat a small Shiba-Inu puppy, who was very dirty and trembling. Miga leaned down to him and tried to stroke him.

"Watch out." Jaehyun was afraid that the puppy would bite her. But Miga lightly pats his fell and the dog closes his eyes for a moment. He seems to like her.

"Is he hungry?" Miga was still looking intently at the puppy. Jaehyun picked up the box and looked closer at the dog.

"Yes I think so."

"Are we taking him home?“ Miga's eyes grew big again and she looked questioningly at her father.

"Let's see what your mother says." Jaehyun took the box with one hand and held his daughter's hand with the other. Both walked slowly back to the car and Jaehyun opened the passenger door. You looked to him curiously as he handed you the box.

"Look what Miga has found." You look in and see the little trembling puppy. Your heart hurt so much to see the little one so thin and scared.

"Was he abandon?" You carefully try to pet the puppy, who was really trusting. Jaehyun nodded and put Miga in the car seat.

"Mommy, can we keep him?" She begged you and you could not say no. This poor puppy had no mother anymore, someone had to take care of him. You were very sorry for the animal, but maybe it was just your mother hormones that persuaded you to take the animal.

"It looks like our family has grown. We have a puppy now.“ You smile and continue to stroke the puppy. Jaehyun has wanted a dog for so long, but you were never sure if there was enough time. But you wanted to give this little puppy a home.

[onisiondrama]

Sarah 8/24/19 Livestream Notes

(Notes from lolcow anons. I missed most of the stream so I couldn’t take my own notes. If the stream is uploaded to youtube, I’ll post it.)

>Did you or Kai, or Greg have a relationship before you turned 18? (they clarify sexual relationship). No.

>When did you last visit? 4.5 weeks ago. >How long has there been a romantic relationship? Like kissing and cuddling. Like what age? I was 18. I cuddle Kai when I was 16 in bed. >Who initiated the conversation? Greg. >How long was Greg trying to get you to sleep with him? I don't know how to answer that. >Were you attracted to both of them? Yes. >Were you interested when you started coming around? Yes. "Why are you exposing them now? Because this is bullshit and I'm getting harassed and getting told that I raped him." …  "Yes, they're saying that I raped them. That i blackmailed and raped them." 

>Did Kai ever stick up for you when Greg called you names? Only once. with "dat booty though" comment. So that happened when I was 16. I just gave him and look, and he was like, are you mad? are you mad? And I was like, no. I was just confused. So after that, I said something about it like a year later when I was living there for like the second time and he freaked the fuck out at me in a Walmart and he was just like, "tell me what i said. tell me what I said." because I was bringing up shitty things he did. And he was yelling at me, and I started freaking out and crying. I ran in to tell Kai what happened, and he said I had to leave. Kai stuck up for me by saying: "she has a job here." >People are asking if Kai ever had guardianship over you. Kai had power of attorney over me. Kai had nothing to do with that. Kai had guardianship–well, he was responsible for me basically. >About Kai and Sarah exchanging rings. Sarah said she bought it for herself. >About why they broke up Basically he broke up with me because I freaked out and left the house with all my shit for like three hours. And Kai called me and asked what I was doing, and I was being dramatic and I was like, yeah. Oh fuck. >Greg mentioned suggestive photos on twitter? He doesn't have any photos of me to my knowledge. He made a joke about secretly filming us, but I don't know.

she said the rape claim is because she made a joke about not signing the nda unless she "got what she wanted" ie sex, so he said that's blackmail/rape. he's fucking nuts 

He made everyone sign NDAs after "the Ayalla thing". Asked her to sign one, and I was offended/hurt by that. I said I didn't want to do it. They know that I would have done it if they really asked her to and got mad at her. All Greg had to do was say, "Can't you act like a fucking adult?" like he did with Ayalla. Leak the bloopers! >Any calls since breaking up I only got one phone call from Kai's number. It could have been Greg calling from his phone. That happened a lot. >What was the situation? Yeah, I was just dating Greg. Me and Kai never dated.

>Does Kai tattle if they want someone to leave the house? Oh yeah. I mean, we all did though, I tattled like a mother fucker. >How long after you turned 18 did you ersure a relationship? Talk of it happened a month before I turned 18. And, yeah. The only official relationship that really happened was like a month ago for 2 weeks. It's all just very grey.

>what made you want to spill now? I saw a bunch of shit, even if it wasn't about me. It made me mad but I still wasn't going to come right out and say things because I still felt loyalty. Then I got sent a few things, and I was like no. I'm not going to do this. Oh. And also him saying that I raped him.

she said that Lainey said to her that Billie was nicer to her (Lainey) when Sarah was around, and that's why she moved in in the first place

Ayalla is here now. she said: I remember when you were on the massage chair and greg made a comment how you looked like you were.. you know.. nut

>was he mean to you? The first time I met him was September 2016, he was nice to me that trip. After I moved in with them, after the whole Billie thing, he was mean. He was very mean. He was mean until about a month or two before my 18th birthday. He would call me a librarian. Like I looked like a librarian. There's just so much my head is spinning. He called me little sister 

>did you ever buy gifts for Kai after fights? one time on a live stream someone was asking me about Billie and I said I don't have any personal beef with her, or I'm not mad her because she didn't do anything to me personally. Kai saw that and was like mm I don't feel that and like, blocked. Well didn't block me but ignored me, ignored me for like a week or two. Until finally I was like please tell me what I did wrong. So then I was like sorry I didn't mean anything by it. So I bought him an edible arrangement. And THEN he texted me. >is Greg verbally abusive to Kai? Yes very much so. Some of the stuff I've heard, seen. It's just. He calls him a loser, idiot, cunt. He tells him, one time he told him he's not a real boy because he lies so much.

Sarah said in the livestream that she had interest in both Plainey and Gurg, everything else she said before this is definitely irrelevant and just lies to keep the Onion's from looking bad.

Onision calls Kai an "idiot" and "cunt" and one time told him he wasn't a real boy because he cries so much.

Sarah confirmed Caterpie is gone. I'm pretty sure she said they gave her away to no-kill shelter…

>did Greg force you to make that video saying nothing happened? Nobody held a gun up to my head. Because I was here at my house. But he was basically calling me and being like oh I need a statement from you it would help out Kai. I was like is that really what Kai wants, I don't know. He called me and he was like, I don't want a statement, but I want a video of you stating.. he gave me a list of things that he wanted. I was hesitant about it, he raised his voice at me, saying Kai was upset with me, he has anxiety, and the good thing to do would be make the video for Kai.

Sarah said they changed their names to not have things pop up when you search their names.

Kai and Sarah romantically talked when she was 15 years old. 

in February of 2016, right after the whole Billie thing. The first Billie thing. Kai got upset one night about Billie. and Greg reassured him that it would be okay, because they could just date me when I was 18. Why don't we just wait for Sarah. And then I'm the crazy one because I'm like, oh something's gonna happen! Like i'm the crazy bitch, get out of my house? 

>does Greg support Kai's transition? I was on the phone with Kai, Kai was like, not to make you feel bad or anything, or put any pressure, but Greg said he would be more comfortable with me getting top surgery if, basically, he had a pair of boobs in the picture. >does he still obsess over Billie? yes >did he compare you to Billie? Yes. Deadass. I'm not going to say exactly what but there were so many times when I was like. This is wildly inappropriate -when I was 16 I went there for the first time ever, in September of 2016. Greg took me down into the basement because I was upset because we were at the movie theatre and they were all cuddling together and i was just weirded out you know I was hurt. And he talked to me and he was like, he saw I was getting upset but Lainey and Billie didn't notice. So he took me back to the house and was like oh it's not a triangle. You're very important to Kai. It's not a triangle it's a square. So why would I be confused?

[jacscorner]

The Shiitake Hills and Drake Lands - D&D Super Mario: Races and Setting Notes

So after the Mario and Luigi posts I did before, I wanted to sort of expand on this loose concept of ‘Super Mario as a D&D Setting’ that I’ve had kicking around while I was suffering from chronic online college. :P

Now, this isn’t a coherent post, this is just a bunch of notes of how I’d convert the general concept of Super Mario games and some races. This would probably need full on World Anvil in order to turn these loose ideas and concepts into a proper campaign setting. And this is under the premise that my would-be players would be outsiders coming into this setting either by plane walking or by travel.

But, hey, if this can be used as a springboard for others to use for their own campaign, then be my guest! I wouldn’t put it here if I so badly wanted to keep this private! But this’ll be a long post, so continue at your own risk.

The Shiitake Hills are the stand in for the mushroom kingdom. These long rows of Hills are home to various farm lands and small villages. There’s very few cities. Mushrooms are mostly cultivated for the consumption and export-you’d be surprised how many recipes there are for cooked toadstools. But rest assured, mushrooms aren’t the only foodstuff you’ll find, but their cultivation for food and magical components is so common that even the most ignorant of school child or even someone who’s never even seen a mushroom would know how to cultivate enough edible fungus to never miss lunch.

The capital of this kingdom is Toadstool City, a glorious city. It’s not perfect, but magic is practiced in the open-it’s regulated, but not too restrictive and controlling. So long as your not raising the dead or raising a stink, you can practice most forms of magic in relative peace.

The Shiitake Hills were founded originally by Elven Druids, who had left their original home in order to escape prosecution from another clan of Druids. On their sailing across oceans, they’d come across a community of Halflings, whom were under the rule of a tyrannical wizard. The Head of these Elven Druids would take on these Halflings as fellow refugees.

This trip lasted 1000 years, with 800 of them spent with the Halfling survivors. Their culture would meld together, to the point where there was no way of knowing what custom originated from which group, but it mattered not. Both sides had developed a mutual relationship.

When The Shiitake Hills were founded the family of the Head Druid would lead colonization of the land. They would also introduce the various Elven Gods that the Druids worshiped.

Avus, God of Fatherhood, Life, and Light. A father should be a guiding light for the family. To be strong and nurturing. A father who is not in their child’s life is often struck by Avus.

Mater Goddess of Fertility, Birth, and Motherhood. Avus’s wife and the reason he gained the ‘Fatherhood’ title. Preying to her is often done when an Elf is about to give birth.

Natus God of Knowledge, Teaching, and Fire. His legends speak of him being the original cultivator of fire, and gifting his spark of knowledge down to the Elves who worship him and spread it. Knowledge is never to be hoarded, it’s to be spread and shared.

Frater God of Strength, War, and Courage. When thunder booms, it means he’s fighting and he wants his followers to also be prepared for the heat of battle. Never fear death, for only glory waits for those who races into battle! 

Soror Goddess of Sisterhood, Art, and Battle. The sister to Frater, she gives strength to her female followers to follow their dreams and passions, but to always have a knife at the ready to defend what’s yours.

Puer God of Tricksters, Brotherhood, and Nature. He teaches his followers to use nature to their advantage, to use ingenuity and wits to defeat larger foes, but to never use your trickery to back stab your brothers-in-arms.

Avanculus God of Wisdom, Harvest, and Water. Knowledge is knowing the best way to farm with new techniques. Wisdom is understand the old ways still work when they fail.

And the Matriarch of their Pantheon, Astrum, Goddess of the Sun, Moon, and Stars. 

But over the boarder of the hills is The Drake Lands. The land was originally a beautiful Dwarven Kingdom of glorious mountains. But then, two dragons razed the lands, a Red Dragon and a Green Dragon, who used the mountains as a battle field! Fire and Poisonous gas drove out the Dwarves underneath. The mountains burned and the poison killed almost all other life that didn’t escape. Nobody knows quite who won this fight, but whatever the result was, the two dragons eventually mated and had a child that would make the ruined lands their domain.

This Dragon is known as Oghoid, A Lawful Evil God of Conquest, Battle, and Gold. His descendants would be known as the Royal Clan who would turn these barren lands into a somewhat liveable place.

The Dwarves would’ve raced to the Shiitake Lands as refugees. The Elves and Halflings welcomed the Dwarves. They integrated into society, but their culture is still regularly practiced. Dwarves keep many Gods, but they had no trouble also incorporating the Elf’s-what’s 1 or 8 more to the pile? The Dwarves also brought expert stone cutting and construction. Many constructions are built mostly or even entirely by Dwarven hands.

Boy, that was a lot, but time to get into the Races. And please not that I’ll label them as ‘Good, Neutral, and Evil’ races for the sake of convenience. You can take a Good Race and play them evil and vice versa.

Good Races - The typical Good Guys and regular residents of the Shiitake Hills.

The Humans of the Super Mario series are split into 3 Types for the setting: Normal-Types, Mario-Types, and Princess-Types.

Normal-Types are the New Donk City citizens we see in Super Mario Odyssey. These are Humans, no doubt having come from various traders from outside of the kingdom and might’ve stayed and become full citizens.

Mario-Types are Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi-oddly proportioned humanoids. For this setting, they’re Dwarves-yes, even Waluigi. He’s just an oddly tall Dwarf. It happens. Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi are plumbers and have no trouble going underground and fixing things. 

And finally, Princess-Types. Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, and Pauline-oddly tall, and still have odd proportions, but look less like Mickey Mouse and more like Jessica Rabbit. They’re represented by Elves. Elves are usually in the upper class of Shiitake society.

Yes, they could all just be variant humans of some kind, but shush. :P This is suppose to be a big mass of races living on one continent and want to mix them all together.

Toads, if you couldn’t guess, are represented as Halflings. Why? Well, not only are they short, but what do we usually see Toads doing? We see them mostly in domestic roles, with only a few outliers. Halflings are mostly homely folk who want to be left in their homes and just enjoy their quaint lives.

Neutral Race - Not inherently Good Nor Bad, Just Folk

Yoshis in this setting will be played by Lizardfolk. I know that this is a pretty big stretch-Yoshis are cute and colorful and Lizardfolk are written as cold, calculating ‘survival of the fittest’ types. But I take the official text of WoTC as more like suggestions.

Evil Race - Typical Bad Guys and residents of The Drake Lands

So naturally, this sections will have Koopas, but how do we divide them? Well, I think there are 2 Types of Koopas. Regular Koopas and Koopa Rexes.

I percieve ‘Koopa Rex’ as essentially Bowser, his son, and the Koopalings-and maybe Boom-Boom and Pom-Pom, depending on how you see it. They would be Dragonborn.

Regular Koopas are essentially the rest. Koopa Troopas, Hammer Bros, Magikoopas, so on and so forth. They’re Tortles.

Okay, this is where I start to REALLY stretch the limits of what can be what...

Goombas will be classified as Kobolds. Why Kobolds? Well, honestly, I guess no real reason, but I think it makes sense for Bowser’s army to have the ‘Minion Races’ in the ranks.

Speaking of , Shy Guys are Kenkus in this setting.

And Boos, Goblins. Okay, this one, a bit of a stretch, but what do Boos do? They sneak up on you, right? Well, Goblins can use that tactic too!

Well, yeah, they could just be Ghosts. But, like, I hate using Ghosts in D&D. They’re too much of a pain in the ass to deal with. And, if you can’t tell, this isn’t meant to be a 1-to-1 thing. 

And finally, the Bob-Ombs are Warforged-possibly one that you could give the ability to ‘selfdestruct’ upon defeat or something.

And that’s about the end of my notes. This took, like, two hours to write but I wanted to put this all down somewhere and here it is. Nothing here is final and if you wanna use any of it for any reason, go right ahead~

[hermitreunited]

Because They Have a Blanket Chest Now

Daily-Fluff-Dose Day One

Prompt: sickfic

Characters: Allison + Klaus + Vanya

Of course they all deserve a cookie and a pat on the head for stopping the end of days, but when they returned from that exhausting little time journey, Klaus hadn’t been too impressed. He hasn’t been to the apocalypse, he doesn’t have that to compare things to. The world still just looks like the world, big deal. He can see that objectively it is, in fact, a big big deal, so yes, great job everyone, but the important thing, really, is that when they came back, Ben was alive, thank God.

Thank Five, actually. And thank whoever takes on the task of making sure those two scheming, ancient pre-teens never meet each other.

The point is that Ben is alive, and it’s wonderful; he can read all those books Klaus never got for him and see places Klaus never took him and spend time with people other than Klaus, and that’s really great and Klaus is so incredibly happy for him, and also, Klaus is a little bit lonely these days.

He’s never been good at sleeping through the night, and even less so these days, with no way to keep the ghosts quiet and more nightmares to choose from than ever before to shock him awake.

He’s not complaining -  he’s not - he’s not. What he is is he’s walking.

He’s almost done walking. Took a turn about the old neighborhood for, gosh, was it really a multiple hours? But now the streets are starting to wake with people heading off to work like normal people do, and Klaus is heading home, because he’s not wandering around homeless and high off his ass these days, but he is still nothing close to normal.

He stops in to the corner store first. They have these little puffed pastries with cherry filling in them, gleaming red at the ends like rubies. He coveted them when he was little, and then he stole them when he was older. Today’s probably the first time he’s ever paid for them; he wonders if that’ll make them taste sweeter. He stuffs the paper bag with more than he can eat and hopes he can use them to bribe someone into hanging out with him, at least for a little while.

It’s really early when he shoves open the heavy front door and slips inside. Five may be an early riser, but really, it’s really early. The house is too big for this to be an actual plan, but Klaus decides to go brew some coffee and maybe the smell of it percolating will reach up to Five’s room and he’ll float through the halls and down into the kitchen, riding along on the wafting scent like a hypnotized cartoon character.

Although. He might not need Five after all.

Allison is sprawled across the hard maroon couch in the great room, Vanya with her knees tucked up to her chest is sitting wedged at the end by Allison’s feet. Allison makes a very unhappy sound and extends her arm straight up in the air just to bring it down and press a hand to her forehead. There’s a couple - wow, a couple, impressive - empty bottles of wine on the center table.

Klaus grins. So maybe he won’t have to con Five into a chat.

He still is going to need some coffee.

Once he’s in the kitchen with a plan to set in motion, he gets a little overexcited. Goes a little overboard trying to make eggs. It seems like a good idea, but Klaus has never made eggs, not any time that he’s been sober enough to remember, anyway. When Mom makes them, they don’t usually look this wet, he doesn’t think. He scoops them out onto two plates anyway and dumps some black pepper over the top in case that’ll help.

He debates piling everything onto a cutting board or something to bring it all out in one trip, but he decides that he’s not Cinderella and his balance is just not that good. An excellent decision, it turns out, when he accidentally shoulder-checks the doorway on his way in. And then the sloppy scrambled eggs nearly fall off the plates anyway because the whole of everything shakes for a few seconds. The noise of his entrance caught Vanya by surprise, but it’s as impressive an arrival as a person could make.

In sing-song tones, he asks, “And how are we feeling today?” Just to be a pain, because he definitely already knows the answer.

“I never drink this much,” Vanya moans. “How did we drink this much?”

“I’m too old for this,” Allison says like it’s an agreement, even though it’s barely a connected thought.

Klaus plops down cross-legged on the floor next to the couch and waggles the food in Allison’s face. “You’re never too old for breakfast!”

She props herself up sideways on an elbow. With an expressive wrinkle of her nose - she’s an actress, she’s good at dramatic faces - she seems to immediately think better of it and goes back to being fully horizontal.

Skeptically, she asks, “Is that edible?”

“It’s eggs,” Klaus says brightly, because that is the one thing about them that he knows for certain.

“That wasn’t really an answer. Was that a real answer?” Allison checks with Vanya.

“Not an answer.” Vanya’s mumbling so much it’s practically all one word.

“You ever seen Diego eat eggs?” Klaus says. “He cracks those fuckers raw right into his mouth, lets them slide down his throat.”

Vanya groans and clutches her stomach, which makes Klaus grin, but he does take pity. He’s been on the other side of this situation more times than he hasn’t. More times than he’s done most things. He hauls himself to his feet. “Stay right there.”

As he bounds out of the room, Vanya mutters something that sounds like, “Not going anywhere. Ever again.”

Allison takes her coffee darker than Vanya does. Klaus picks up the two mugs, then puts them back down so he can grab a pair of water bottles, since they are probably going to want some of that, too. He stuffs those under his left arm and ends up having to carry the bag of pastries with his teeth. But he does manage to get everything in one trip, and without spilling anything! This is the kind of incredible feat of dexterity and willpower that Klaus can be fully supportive of, because it’s definitely unprecedented and he knows what a pain in the ass it would be if he had to stop and clean a huge mess off of dad’s expensive carpeting.

Vanya hugs her mug close to her chest. She doesn’t drink it, just keeps her eyes shut and her breathing deep. Allison doesn’t even bother taking it, so he puts it on the table with the rest of the abandoned food.

“You had a great night then, huh?” If Klaus was really as good a brother as he’s pretending to be, he’d be quiet, but he’s bored and unexpectedly ghost-free. “So spill.”

“No men,” Vanya murmurs, and Allison echoes her loudly.

“No men!” she says. “Was a good night, with no men.”

“That does sound like a good start,” Klaus agrees. He sips on Allison’s bitter coffee since she’s not making any move on it. He doesn’t love coffee, but the warmth is nice. The cup is heating up his fingers, which he didn’t even realize were cold.

“Why are we so bad at men?” Allison taps Vanya’s leg with her foot. “Is it them or us? They were both so bad.”

“So so bad. I mean, it’s them, but also it’s probably us.” Vanya slurps up some of her drink and Allison rhythmically nods, her chin pressing down to her collarbone over and over. “I guess it’s just Hargreeves family bad luck.”

“Hey, speak for yourself.” Klaus wedges his feet beneath the sofa and leans back against the low table. “My man is perfection.” Except for the being dead part, which was less than ideal. In all other ways, though. Perfection.

“What if, actually,” Allison says, “nobody speaks. We could all stop speaking.”

“Start sleeping.” Vanya agrees.

She looks about ready to take her own advice, right away, so Klaus hops up and plucks the mug from her hands. She doesn’t open her eyes but she makes an annoyed noise and then that makes the floor rumble a little. Her little grabby hands open and close on nothing.

Klaus shushes soothing sounds at her and pulls out her favorite soft blanket from the chest they keep in here now for those. Because they have a blanket chest now. Every time Klaus sees it, it still makes him smile knowing how much it would piss the old man off that they have a whole box taking up space in here, all filled up with comfort items.

He pulls out Allison’s oversized orange afghan too, and flutters them up and over his sisters, tucking the edges in along the sides. Both of them are already completely dead to the world. That probably isn’t likely to change for a while. Hangover naps are a dense, weighty sleep.

These questionably edible eggs are not going to get any more appetizing, so Klaus gathers up the plates again and scrapes them into the kitchen trash. The most important item of all is the ibuprofen he fetches from the top shelf.

Even shaking the bottle like a maraca doesn’t wake these sleeping beauties. Not that he wants to. Vanya is making little snuffly snore sounds, it’s adorable. Setting the pills down, he gets reminded about those pastries he bought.

He sits between the table and couch again, but this time turned the other way, feet under the table, and cushions and Allison’s legs at his back. Looks like he’ll have to eat alone after all. He blows out a disappointed sigh. Being sober blows, and being sober all by himself is worse. But he’s not completely alone. The girls may be asleep, but they are right there behind him, warm bodies and soft breaths.

Allison’s not using the whole blanket. It’s huge. Half of it is draped off the edge of the couch anyway.

If he does the math, Klaus figures he can’t have gotten more than three hours of sleep before he went out for his circuitous neighborhood comeback tour.

He snags the afghan spilling onto the floor and tucks it below his chin.

It really is very cozy under here; he did a great job taking care of the two of them.

The scent of coffee is nice and relaxing, too.

That’s another first - this room actually feels peaceful. That’s definitely never happened before.

His eyes drift closed without him even noticing.

[larksinging]

what are some of your favorite yang headcanons? since i don’t often talk to you about rwby stuff

me tripping over pages and pages of yang headcanons: 

okay im not gonna talk about her disability stuff because fuck it thats CANON people just didnt notice it because it was subtle

wait okay let me instead talk about another one of my favorite things to analyze: where do you think ruby learned to never talk about her problems ever!!

okay i have a lot of thoughts about the fact that yang.... is actually a super reserved person? she puts on this outgoing positive attitude but i think thats very much something she puts on. everything about the yellow trailer screams “theres more going onto yang than it looks like”, and yet 90% of the fandom cant see past that. but anyway. i dont think her beacon-era personality is a LIE, per say, but its... exaggerated. 

i mean god i think people forget that the only times we see her open up are 1) to blake in burning the candle, when she uses her personal story as a means of convincing blake to her point and not actually to open up. shes being clever here and appealing to something serious. and 2) in vol 5 to weiss when shes already incredibly emotionally unstable and she knows like, ruby and weiss saw her outburst and now weiss kinda has her in a corner. thats not the kind of behavior from someone who is used to and comfortable talking about herself!

anyway i dont think its really all the surprising consider she gets hit by abandonment issues AND having to basically take care of her little sister at a young age. so yang closes up her own feelings because she thinks thats best (which ruby clearly learns from and then, whoops, youve got two sisters with issues opening up)

buuut moreso than ruby i read yang as someone who... spent a lot of time making herself palatable. like cmon she’s a prep, at first glance she seems easy to understand and digest, shes friendly and caring but doesnt really ask much of herself. THATS someone who doesnt want to be a hassle or complicated or an issue because shes worried people will leave her. except that’s kind of mixed in with... letting people make assumptions about her and not really bothering to correct them, bc its easier if people leave because they had a shallow view than if they leave bc they knew the REAL you 

i mean we see a lot of this break down after beacon. parts of vol 5 and later 6 she hits a more even like... occasionally being cheerful, but not the overwhelmingly sunny she was in beacon, so thats propely closer to an actually healthy place for her. but in vol 5 after dealing with raven and the front half of vol 6 shes... very irritable and frustrated and... dour. i mean talking about vol4 and yang’s depression and mental health is like a post all in of itself so ill stop before i get sidetracked

ANYWAY yeah i think people dont appreciate how much of yang is actually kind of constructed because she thinks itll protect herself and people around her but what can you do

SOME LIGHTER HEADCANONS yang is the only one of team rwby who can cook. ruby and blake could probably cook enough to survive in a pinch but yang is the only one who can like, cook an edible Meal 

coco was her lesbian awakening, because of course

its a little note but yang has this particular look when shes... insecure thats head down + looking up so her eyes are almost hidden by her bangs (it happens twice i swear) and it could be nothing but also i think yang has a tendency to want to hide her eyes when emotionally volatile because. well. when your eyes are a LITERALLY tell to your emotions, and you kind of like to keep your intense emotions locked up....

tl;dr yang xiao long is a disaster who doesnt know how to be honest about her feelings and maybe that was a bad idea

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2 Chapter 20

Your girl, she go hard in the baste Swangin' on them, swangin' on them, swangin' on my ways Swangin' on my ways Swangin' on my ways I've been thinking like, "Ayy, yo" And I've been thinking like, "Ayy, yo" (Sound of rain helps me let go of the pain) And I've been thinking like, "Ayy, yo" (Sound of rain helps me let go of the pain)

Solange—"Sound of Rain"

Ungubani?

Who are you?

I asked this question of myself many times. Often times, I do not know. But I do know I am no longer the man my country knew. Maybe love? My son?

It has all changed me. T'Chaka must see what we can do, how we can change the course of time for the people who struggle so much in this land. Strangers to me, but my brothers and sisters still. How can I look at them, with the same skin as me, stolen from the same place I came from and not reach out to them? How can I sit idly by and watch in pain and return to Wakanda as if there was nothing to see at all?

Who am I?

A war dog who will not leave the lost tribe behind again. Who are you, my son? You will ask this one day and know the answer: N'Jadaka, son of N'Jobu.

My son.

###

My woman is in pain. We have been back home for a month since Lia's death, and I am set to leave for Wakanda and I am frightened. As a family, we have gone to three sessions with Dr. Davis. I thank Bast that children have the resilience to bounce back from tragedy. Our son struggles. He has good days and bad days, but most of his bad days come from his worry over Califia.

She is not faring well.

She has lost weight from not eating and she suffers from insomnia. She has taken leave from work and spends days in bed. The most that she allows me to do for her is to hold her at night and look after Erik. She self-medicates with edibles so that Erik won't smell marijuana smoke on her.

Lia's family has planned a private memorial for her, and I do not want Califia or Erik to go. She is furious with me, even though Lia's entire family and her own family agree that she and Erik should stay in the States for now. There are plans for a large public memorial next year. There have been protests and marches throughout Brazil and other parts of the world in solidarity with Lia's memory. Califia's pain and anger and lack of concern for her health make me question whether I can trust her to care for Erik when I am gone. Dante and Nana Jean have made plans to step in for me along with Rolita. Dante questions why I have to leave for a month when Califia needs me and the only thing that saves me from his questioning is that I tell him I must work to cover the bills since Califia isn't working. 

I have been bringing Erik over to my apartment to give him some semblance of a normal home life and to also give Califia privacy when her crying gets bad and she begs me to take our son away so he doesn't have to see her. On those days I call Rolita to watch her, and I make the time alone with my son the best that I can. James hangs with us a lot, and he has been a source of strength when I can't speak to Bakari. Erik is crazy about James, and they spend a lot of time playing video games together and streaming anime.

Erik is asleep in my apartment bedroom and I write this on my couch. Tomorrow we will go home to his mother and I will cook for both of them. I miss my woman so much. I miss touching her in that way. I miss kissing her. I miss her laughter. I miss her being that incredible mother to my son. I miss us.

###

This man Klaue will meet with me in the Netherlands. Sita has found a safe place for us to interact. A place that we can control access to. When I return to Wakanda I will know for sure who I can count on among the war dogs. I will also have to gain all access codes in order to lay my hands on the Vibranium I need. I have someone in place that I have turned who can help me. I just have to keep T'Chaka off of my back. He has been very open about keeping me close to him on this trip home. Zinzi has been cryptic about what's been happening, so I suspect she is being watched carefully too because of our closeness.

My meeting with Klaue has to go off without a hitch because my only chance to see him without surveillance right now is when I fly home. I made sure to choose a flight with a long layover in Northern Europe. I will have six hours to feel this man out. If I can use him, I will. Sita was right about him in one respect; he is a little whore for money. My research on him tells me he is willing to do anything for it.

###

N'Jobu dressed in warm layers and kept his dark glasses on when he entered the small villa in Amsterdam. He made sure to enter the country under an alias and not as Prince N'Jobu so he wouldn't have to bring any Doras with him. Sita came as his personal guard and even though she had secured the property and hired extra protection under her control, she was still wary of Klaue. Klaue was told to come alone and was watched and followed to make sure he did what he was told. N'Jobu gave orders to kill him on site if he did not acquiesce to all of his demands for secrecy. N'Jobu would not reveal his identity to the man. All that he was told was that some goods would need to be secretly couriered out of the country in the future and there was a handsome reward for his services if he should be used.

The semi-detached modern-styled steel and glass villa had plenty of open space surrounding it to give N'Jobu's people eyes on the meeting at all times. Snipers were in position, and if the meeting went left, Klaue would be disposed of and N'Jobu would go home and find someone else to ferry the Vibranium out.

Sitting at a small table facing the main glass entrance, N'Jobu and Sita watched a lone brown Mercedes meander up the winding driveway and park.

A short messy brown-haired man in an ill-fitting suit stepped from the driver's door and scanned the villa. One of Sita's hired hands stepped forward and patted Klaue down while another kept a gun trained on him.

"Great welcome committee!" Klaue shouted out loud enough so that N'Jobu could hear him.

Stepping into the villa, Klaue had a nervous swagger about him that was more bravado and posturing rather than real confidence. The Black faces that stared at him as he stood before N'Jobu had the man second-guessing who he was fucking with.

Klaue smelled of an over-dosing of expensive Italian cologne and poor personal hygiene. His greasy-looking hair and body odor offended N'Jobu. The poor-fitting suit was expensive but not tailor-made and looking at the man from head to toe, the watery light eyes, the liver lips, and a hodge-podge of tattoos on his arms, he could tell the little man was new to expensive tastes. N'Jobu's nose crinkled and he pointed to the chair seated across from him. Klaue sat down.

"Well, I'm here. Let's talk," Klaue said, "Mind if I smoke?"

N'Jobu gave a slight nod.

"I'll take that as a yes then," Klaue said slowly reaching into his suit pocket. He lit up a spicy-smelling thin cigarette.

"Ashtray?" Klaue asked.

Sita placed a glass of water in front of him.

"Wakanda," Klaue said.

N'Jobu stayed silent. This made Klaue even more nervous.

He studied the Afrikaner a little more. The future of his immediate family, Califia and Erik, depended on this thin rat-looking thing sitting before him. The only way N'Jobu could help the Black diaspora was through getting his hands on enough Vibranium to support a world-wide revolution. And the irony of it all was that a racist White South African was going to help jumpstart that revolution. And unbeknownst to Klaue, helping N'Jobu would usher in his own demise, the end of White Supremacy and the end of all of those who supported it, even other Black and non-Black people of color.

Sita stepped forward and handed Klaue a small satchel. The man opened it. His eyes seemed impressed.

"Just for showing up? Twenty-Five thousand in U.S. dollars?" Klaue said.

N'Jobu nodded. When he felt the man was going to burst if he didn't speak soon, N'Jobu folded his hands in his lap.

"Your record is clean. And when things have gone awry, you disappear. I like that."

"He speaks!" Klaue exclaimed, holding his hands up and looking around the room smiling hard. Not one Black face gave him warmth.

"This is just part of a retainer. If I like what I hear, then you will receive another seventy-five thousand to help collect your team within the next year," N'Jobu said.

Klaue leaned forward while listening to N'Jobu's voice. He pointed to N'Jobu's face.

"You're…you're not just some radical. The way you talk…you are a higher up—"

"Who he is, that is not your business. You are here to listen and do what we ask," Sita hissed, moving closer to him, her hand on a gun holstered to her hip.

N'Jobu whispered to her in Wakandan to chill. The three other war dogs in the room along with the three hired hands stepped closer, letting Klaue know to watch his mouth.

"I get the feeling that what I am asked to retrieve aren't just some priceless artifacts," Klaue said, the smile sliding off of his face, "Human trafficking?"

This was the part of the conversation N'Jobu was waiting for. The part he wished he didn't have to divulge, but he had to because even though Vibranium was undetectable to outside modern metal detectors and such, it wasn't stable, and Klaue would have to be shown how to smuggle it out safely.

N'Jobu motioned with his fingers for Sita to bring forth the sample of Vibranium enclosed in a protective capsule.

The luminous electric blue glow mesmerized Klaue's eyes. The man's mouth slipped open.

"Fuck it to hell…" he said standing up when the phosphorescent capsule was placed in his hand, "is this really…is this-?"

"Vibranium," N'Jobu said watching Klaue closely.

"I'm in—"

"We still have to discuss my terms and timetable—" "I don't care! I am in. Whatever your terms or timetable. I already know you will pay me well."

Klaue regarded N'Jobu with gleaming eyes. Sita took the Vibranium from Klaue's fingers and he tracked the luminous glow as she placed it in N'Jobu's hand.

"That small amount right there is worth millions. How much more do you have?" Klaue asked.

"Let us speak about your operation. How quickly can you organize a retraction team?"

Klaue took the hint that he would not be told more about their holdings. It was all need to know moving forward.

"Three to four months tops."

"Understand, I will wipe out you and your people if at any time I suspect chicanery."

"I am a professional. I do thorough background checks on all my people. You've done your homework, I'm sure."

"Talk to me," N'Jobu said leaning back in his seat.

The greasy-haired man in the ill-fitting suit leaned forward, a full smile widening his mouth and showing the glint of cheap gold-rimmed teeth.

"I will tell you all that you want to know," Klaue said.

And he did.

###

On the ride to the airport in the secured SUV, Sita kept staring at N'Jobu's face.

"What do you think, Your Highness?" she asked.

"We should not trust him at all, but he has the juice to get what we need to be done completed."

"Will I see you again on your way back to the States?" she asked.

"Yes. D'Beke will join us and we can begin."

Sita's face looked pleased. She even gave him a smile.

"What is happening at home?"

Sita's smile faded.

"The King….your brother…he has been putting dissenters in jail."

"What?"

"There have been political protests taking place in several Birnans. There's a new spiritualist cult that has had some major growth in followers who have been causing problems. Some protests have become rather violent, and King T'Chaka has taken in leaders and incarcerated them."

"What are they protesting exactly?"

"The lack of democracy in a monarchy. What else? The lack of freedom they have to practice their religion—"

"The Udaku family has never shunned nor stopped religious freedom from marginal religions—"

"Maybe in the past. Maybe when your father was King. But King T'Chaka…he is not so tolerant these days. He claims it is an affront to the crown, a wedge issue to fracture the power of his throne."

"You believe this, Sita? Speak freely."

"I believe what I see, and I have seen even moderate dissenters vilified by your brother."

"But jail-?"

"There was talk that one of the incarcerated planned to assassinate the King."

N'Jobu's body jerked when he heard that. His kimoyo beads heated up and N'Jobu tapped his earbud.

"T'Chaka," N'Jobu said.

Sita remained quiet while he took the call by audio only.

###

Califia carefully flipped over the waffle she made for Erik onto a plate.

"JaJa!"

She heard her son's feet running down the stairs, and by the time he reached the kitchen, she had his plate on the kitchen table next to a glass of grape juice.

"Hot off the griddle," she said.

Erik studied her face and she gave him a healthy smile. His face relaxed and he sat at the table.

She passed him the butter and syrup and helped herself to a piece of sausage. Erik watched her plate.

"Got my appetite back," she said.

He gave her some dimples and she forced herself to eat even though she really didn't want to. She made up her mind to force herself through this pain. She was hurt when N'Jobu told her that he wasn't sure that she could handle their household while he was gone. She counted on him to care for Erik while she fell apart, but it fractured their relationship when he treated her like an irresponsible child. Calling people to watch her and Erik when he left the house. Each time she cried, the look on his face made her feel like he wished she could just get over what happened to Lia quickly so that she could cater to him once more.

Their last night together before he left for Wakanda was pleasant, almost their regular interaction as a family. She worked hard to show him that she was capable of being present for their son. It was also the first time they had sex together since Lia's death, and she only did it to please him, to make him feel like she was okay even when she didn't feel okay. It took her a long time to get self-lubricated, but their kissing took up a lot of time and allowed her body to ease into sex before he could notice that her senses were not in tune with his.

N'Jobu kissed her mouth for a long time before his hands even reached for her breasts or even tried to touch her between her legs. He was so happy and touch-starved for her that his focus was on sections of her. Her lips. Her tongue. Her throat. The tender spots behind her ears. The space between her breasts. Her nipples. Her belly. Her inner thigh and hips.

He kissed and licked her vulva as if it was his first time being down there, and by then, she was wet enough to accommodate his desperate erection. The moans and raspy grunts that fell inside her ear as he pumped in an out of her pleased her. She could still take care of him physically even if she wasn't really there emotionally for him. She opened her legs wide and when she looked up into his face, it was contorted in deep pleasure. His forehead creased tighter and he was exhaling hard pants.

"Califia…Califia…"

Back in Brazil she was depressed, anxious, and scared about his leaving, hungry for any physical contact with him. But now? She was ready for him to leave. She needed to grieve longer without the judgment in his eyes, without him making her feel guilty if she broke down in the middle of the day.

She put her pussy on him thrust for thrust and held his shoulders, her breath coming out faster as she felt him reaching his peak.

"Daddy—"

N'Jobu's lips thrust out when she said that.

"You ready for Daddy to cum?"

"Yeah—"

"Tell Daddy you want him to cum—"

"Jobu—"

"Tell me Califia…baby…tell me…"

He was gasping, twisting her leg to get leverage for more friction.

"…this pussy…" he growled in her ear.

"Yeah," she exhaled.

She could feel the solid fullness that his dick always filled her up with, but she wasn't really feeling anything, not in the way she wanted to but could not reach because of the trauma she was clinging to. She wished she could let go like him. Use sex to get a mental release. Her body wasn't giving her any signs of wanting to orgasm. And N'Jobu's dick was going at her hard as fuck. Their bed was shaking.

She wanted this to end before she started crying in the way that would upset him. She cradled his head and pressed her lips close to his ear.

"Cum in your pussy, Daddy…"

She dragged out the word Daddy so that it sounded reckless and raw and she felt her man seize up tight then thrust his hips into her hard, his voice gone. The swelled pulses coming from his dick only secured the knowledge that a flood of hot semen was coating her insides. She would still be dripping his seed even when he was flying across the Atlantic. And a nut that good to him would only encourage him to seek more.

He kissed her lips and along her neck, and when he pulled out of her, his mouth sought to eat her folds to make her cum. But she pulled him back up and hugged him. Once he realized she didn't want any more sexual contact, he held her tight and rocked her in his arms.

"You okay?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

"I'm fine. I just want to make you feel good."

"Let me take care of you, baby."

"You did," she said playing with the thick ejaculate spilling from her pussy. His eyes watched her fingers and he stroked his dick.

"I'm going to miss you," he said, his voice getting tight from seeing her shove her fingers inside her pussy.

"I'll miss you too," she said.

She played with her pussy lips for him until he lost it.

"Look how you make me nut!" he cried out, shooting cum on her fingers as she held her labia open for him. He had soaked up their sheets with his sweat and cum, but he held her on top of him until he fell asleep. When he was softly snoring, she crawled off of him and showered. Cleaning her body, she let her tears fall with the warm water flowing over her.

Her thoughts snapped back to Erik, and she surprised herself by eating more than she thought she would. Maybe her appetite had finally returned. Maybe she could get it together while N'Jobu was gone.

"We're going to see Grandpop and Nana Jean today," she said.

"Cool," Erik said stuffing his mouth with waffle.

"Baba, leave a voice message yet?" she asked.

"No. He texted that he made it to Atlanta. I missed the call on my phone," he said.

Califia had checked her phone, but nothing was there. He probably thought she was sleeping in again. At least he texted. She knew he was in Amsterdam for a layover. He always sent an email from a burner account when he made it to Wakanda.

Erik was watching her again.

"What?" she asked smiling at him.

"Nothin'. You look happy."

"I am happy."

Erik picked at his plate unsure of something.

"We're going to be okay, baby."

"I know you miss Auntie Lia, Mom. I miss her too."

The sound of her name still hurt and Califia felt her eyes prick with water. She fought to be strong. Their first day alone together and she didn't want her son to feel unsure of her. She crammed a sausage in her mouth and picked up a glass of orange juice.

"Nana wants to know what you want for dinner."

"Pizza—"

"Pizza? Nana said she was cooking and you want pizza? Boy, are you crazy!"

Erik giggled. He drank his juice and pushed back his plate.

"Enchiladas."

"That's better," she said.

After she cleaned up the kitchen, she drove them over to her grandmother's and as they walked up the hill to reach the house, they found Dante inside the garage working on his latest project; restoring a 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle, midnight black, a pure brute swinging 450-horsepower battle axe.

Dante was on a roller under the car when they saw him.

"Hey now!" he said.

"Grandpop!" Erik squealed.

Dante rolled out from under the car and picked Erik up. He gave Califia a kiss on her cheek and patted her shoulder.

"Looking good, Cali," he said.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"There's my baby!"

Nana Jean walked out from the front porch.

"Nana, stay up there, we'll come up," Califia said heading toward her grandmother.

Erik ran past her and hugged Nana Jean's waist.

"Dayclean make it okay?" she asked.

"Yes," Califia said.

"Good."

Nana Jean made Erik help her fold laundry while Califia cleaned up the kitchen for her grandmother to make her enchiladas later in the day. Keeping busy with her family kept her mind away from sadness and she felt good. Real good.

She went into the small family room to do some dusting of cobwebs and family photos and her eyes caught sight of an old picture on the fireplace mantle of her and N'Jobu on the porch holding Erik when he was a baby and Califia felt her chest grow tight.

Seeing N'Jobu's face took her breath away and she felt guilty. Guilty for not giving all of herself to him before he left. Not just her body and mind, but her spirit as well. Lia was about moving forward, no matter what, and Califia let herself get stuck because of the rage she still felt. Erik was so adorable as a baby and the memory of that day weighed on her. She had sent that exact picture to Lia and Soliel, and Lia had texted her the moment she received it and told her to raise her son up well and strong.

She pulled her cell from her jean pocket and called N'Jobu's burner phone. The voicemail picked up right away.

"N'Jobu…baby, I miss you. Call me when you make it there…when you can get privacy. We're over at Nana's and everything is good. I just…I want you to know that I'm here. I'm here for our son, and I'm here for myself. I'm here for you. I need to hear your voice, okay?"

She wiped away a tear and smiled, still looking at the picture and his beautiful face. Those gorgeous teeth. Those full lips. The lips he gave their little boy. Those eyes that Erik also had—

Her cell buzzed and she recognized the burner number. She swiped her screen.

"Califia."

His voice made her gasp. Erik walked up next to her.

"Mom…"

"It's Baba," she said, wrapping her arm around Erik's shoulder.

"I'm leaving for Wakanda soon. I'm so glad you called me," he said.

"Babe…I've been so lost since we came home. I know you have tried your best to be understanding. I was stuck—"

"I know, my love, I know—"

"I promise you that you can have faith in me getting through this—"

"If I made you feel—"

"I shut everything out and made you take care of everything. It wasn't right. I'm standing here in Nana's family room and she has the picture of you and me when we first brought Erik here. I saw your face, baby…I saw your face and I forgot that you need me too…"

She could hear his voice shuddering over the phone like she had made him cry. He exhaled hard.

"I love you," he said, his voice soft and full of longing.

"I love you too…hey, quickly, talk to Erik before you have to turn your phone off," she said.

She handed the phone to Erik.

"Baba…yes…yes. I will. Uh, huh. They are fine. I know…I will. I love you too. Okay…"

Erik handed the phone back to Califia. She wiped her eyes with her free hand. Her nose felt runny.

"My love. There are some potential problems back home. My brother has some political dissenters, so I may not be able to speak to you as often as you would like. But don't worry. I will text and email you when I can—"

"You'll be safe right?"

"I will be fine. My brother will need me around him more, and because of that, I won't have a lot of privacy for security reasons."

"Okay," she said. He had confidence in his voice, and she knew that once he was in Wakanda, he would have his Doras with him. And those sistas did not play.

"Tell me you love me again," he said.

"I love you…we both love you very much—"

"Bye, Baba!" Erik yelled into the phone.

"Until I see you both again. Be well, my love."

Her lip trembled a little when he was gone. She looked down at Erik.

"Shall we go help Grandpop with the car?"

Erik nodded. He threw his arms around her waist and pressed his head into her chest.

"Don't worry, Mom. Baba will be back soon."

She stroked his hair and kissed the top of his forehead.

###

For security precautions, N'Jobu was escorted into Wakanda over the border of Canaan inside a military Tusk Fighter aircraft instead of one of the Royal crafts. Once he was flown secretly into the country, he was driven by a super discreet convoy with Ometeko and Yejide by his side. His two faithful Doras were thrilled to see him, but also hyper vigilante in watching over him as they moved through several Birnans to get to the golden one of his birth.

His parents greeted him under the cover of darkness as he was ushered into the palace.

His mother could not stop touching him, exclaiming that he looked a bit worn. Lia's death and his family struggles hovered over him, but speaking to Califia and Erik earlier in the day made him feel confident that he could get through this check-in.

As he walked through the palace and headed up to his brother's private suite, he thought of Califia and how their last night together was so one-sided in affection. He wanted her so bad that night.

After he had put Erik to bed and joined Califia in their bedroom, she was fully naked under the covers. He hadn't seen or felt her nude body in so long that the moment he slipped under the covers and felt her naked thigh and hip touch him, the thickening of his penis didn't take long. When she had allowed him to penetrate her, it felt different. She was going through the motions but he couldn't quite get her to connect with his pleasure. They had always had the ability to create a mesmerizing feedback loop in their intimacy, but that time, it didn't happen. Instead of stopping, he became selfish and took what she gave because he missed her sexually. He needed her body. He needed to feel her tight ring of muscles surrounding his manhood. He needed to feel those big tits and see them bouncing. He needed to feel his semen spurting inside of her, his sack draining weeks of build-up. He let his desire for her override any reason to stop and make sure she matched his vibe.

At that moment, the sex was great for him, but it was like the sex he had while in school; all about the pleasure that his dick got without concerns about love or the other emotional aspects of two humans connecting. They didn't make love. He just fucked her. And he was all about the fucking because he hadn't had it in so long.

But talking to her…hearing her tell him that she would be fine…she made him cry. She made him determined to push forth and plan the best strategy to free them all.

The elevator ride up to T'Chaka's suite felt long, but once he stepped out with Ometeko and Yejide by his side, his dip had returned to his step. His entrance into T'Chaka's private quarters was full of confidence.

"Uncle N'Jobu!"

T'Challa's voice surprised him and when N'Jobu turned to look at his nephew, his eyes grew wide for a second at how much older he looked. The twelve-year-old appeared before him in his royal purple pajamas, his once full head of curly hair cut short and tapered. His voice even sounded different. Clearly, puberty was upon him. N'Jobu's heart ached staring at him. He held out his arms and his nephew ran into them, hugging him hard.

"My nephew! What are you doing up so late?"

"I wanted to see you as soon as you arrived. I have missed you so much, Uncle!"

"Oh! How I have missed you too!"

N'Jobu saw his brother enter the room. No smile on his face. Just worry. And something else. Indignation.

N'Jobu saw another young boy standing off to the side, his big round eyes shyly watching N'Jobu as if he were in awe.

"And who is this?" N'Jobu asked, waving his hand for the child to step forward.

"W'Kabi, stop acting scared. It is only my Uncle. Uncle N'Jobu, this is my best friend, W'Kabi," T'Challa said.

"W'Kabi…W'Kabi? Why do I know your name?" N'Jobu asked. He could see the child wearing a blue night robe with the Border Tribe's dark blue sigil sewn into the collar. A horseman with a fluttering blanket wrapped around the shoulders.

"My father protects the borderlands, Your Highness," the boy said. He bowed his head to N'Jobu.

"Tankiso is his father,' T'Chaka said.

N'Jobu did his best to keep his reaction neutral. He knew the boy's father. Tankiso would be N'Jobu's inside man to help him smuggle the Vibranium out of Wakanda and into Niganda with Klaue when the time came.

"Pleased to meet you, W'Kabi," N'Jobu said. He held out his hand to shake, and W'Kabi stared at T'Challa first and then T'Chaka.

"Do not be foolish, W'Kabi, you can shake my Uncle's hand. He is a Prince like me. Not the King!" T'Challa laughed.

W'Kabi smiled and took N'Jobu's hand. It was a firm handshake and N'Jobu was impressed by the confidence he felt there.

"Alright, boys. Off to bed now. Prince N'Jobu and I must talk," T'Chaka said heading toward his private bar.

"Goodnight, Uncle," T'Challa said hugging N'Jobu once more. W'Kabi bowed and N'Jobu watched the two children leave the suite followed by T'Challa's personal Dora.

"They are like brothers," T'Chaka said handing N'Jobu a small glass of plum liquor.

Brothers.

If Erik were here, he would probably join along with his cousin, the three boys staying up late and giggling, maybe even running around the palace in secret like he and T'Chaka did when they were young boys long ago.

N'Jobu sipped the plum liquor thinking of his son. Erik would wear the silk robes of the Golden Tribe, N'Jobu's family sigil sewn into the collar. He could imagine hearing the sound of Erik's sweet laughter ricocheting off the high walls and ceilings of the Eastern Palace. The soft patter of Califia's feet would probably echo in the halls as she would no doubt be the one to hustle the boys back to bed. For a second, N'Jobu closed his eyes and tried to see her wearing his royal robes and returning to the large bed in his suite down below. He so wanted to make real love to her again. Body and soul together.

"No problems getting into the country, Baby Brother?"

"No," N'Jobu said opening his eyes back up and finishing the plum liquor.

"Sit," T'Chaka said.

N'Jobu padded over to the couch near the expansive window that reflected the twinkling of city lights below.

"Things are not well here."

"I have been made aware," N'Jobu said.

"Your thoughts?"

"I am shocked that the one man you have imprisoned, the one they say tried to plot an assassination…what proof do you really have to keep him incarcerated—"

"Proof? Are you implying that I would just throw someone into confinement just on a whim?"

"From what I have gathered on my own there has only been speculation and flexing—"

"Would you have me wait for outright harm to come to me or to someone in our family first?"

"Of course not—"

"Then why question my rule?"

"Will this man have a trial?"

T'Chaka waved his hand at N'Jobu.

"Enough. No more talk of this. It is not your concern."

T'Chaka poured more plum liquor into his glass and he held up the bottle for N'Jobu.

N'Jobu took the bottle and poured more in his own glass. They both sipped and eyed each other. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," T'Chaka said.

Whoa.

A voluptuous young woman with flashing eyes stepped into the room wearing a long mauve River Tribe styled evening tunic.

"Your Highness," she said, keeping her eyes respectfully downcast when she saw N'Jobu. She was beautiful, her hair tied back allowing her thick braids to fall down her back and N'Jobu knew exactly what she was there for.

"Prince N'Jobu, let us speak more in the morning. Breakfast with Baba and Umama in the sunroom?"

"Yes," N'Jobu said, standing up. He glanced at the woman again and he couldn't help but let his eyes wander over what his brother was playing with at night. He knew for a fact that T'Chaka had several women in rotation for many years. It drove their parents crazy. Umama in particularly hated mistresses being anywhere near the palace, no matter who they were messing around with. Rumor had it that their own father tried to have a young plaything early in his marriage to their mother, but Umama took an ancient knife that allegedly belonged to the very first Black Panther, Bashenga, and threatened to cut off his scrotum and end the entire royal line of Udaku forever if he ever brought another woman into the palace. The fact that he and T'Chaka existed let N'Jobu know that his Baba must've stayed on the straight and narrow. There was no doubt that his mother would kill their father and any woman he had back then or now.

No wonder they wanted T'Chaka married again.

"This is Dineo. She will accompany you to your suite."

N'Jobu's eyes widened.

"A nice homecoming companion for you. It must be tough to find a beauty like this out there," T'Chaka said winking.

Crude. Distasteful. What was this? From his own brother?

Dineo allowed her eyes to rest on N'Jobu's face and he saw her lips part when she got a good look at him.

"Goodnight, T'Chaka," N'Jobu said putting his drink glass on the bar and leaving the room. Dineo followed him and Yejide followed them both.

When N'Jobu reached the private elevator, he turned to her.

"I do not need you," he whispered discreetly so Yejide didn't hear. Not that she didn't already know what Dineo was there for.

"I must accompany you to your suite regardless. The King has demanded this. Please, do not cause me trouble, Your Highness."

Dineo rode the elevator with him down to his suite.

When they reached the outside of his quarters, Ometeko looked shocked to see Dineo at his heels.

"Do not ask," he said to Ometeko as he swept into his space.

Dineo was right behind him when the doors swung shut.

"I am here. You can leave," he said, surprised that the woman even stepped into his private sphere.

Dineo fingered her braids and then allowed her long lashes to flutter as she placed her gaze fully on his face, all pretense of deference gone. She wanted to be there with him. Gently tugging on the clasps that held her tunic closed, the loose clothing dropped to her feet.

Shit.

Her nipples stood at attention as she played with them, and all those curves that the tunic hinted at earlier were more than true once fully revealed.

"I am here for you, Your Highness," she whispered.

"I understand that, however—"

"I hear you are known to make women cry when you make love to them, Your Highness."

He hadn't had sex with a woman in Wakanda for almost a decade.

"Dineo—"

"I have heard all the stories from here to Azania about you. I want you to make me cry," she said stepping toward him.

If this were another time, he would be all over this girl and rearranging her insides. But he had a woman at home that knocked him off of his feet, even five thousand miles away.

He turned his back on her and headed to his bedroom.

"Do not make me have you escorted out, Dineo," he tossed over his shoulder as he pressed his kimoyo beads opening his suite's front doors.

"Your Highness," Ometeko called into the space without entering.

"Please see to it that Dineo makes it back to her own home," N'Jobu said before slamming his bedroom door shut.

###

"N'Jobu."

His body relaxed when he saw Califia's face on his computer.

She was snug in their bed inside their townhouse.

"Erik is still asleep. Do you want me to wake him?"

"No, let him sleep. I sent him a recorded video for him to see when he wakes."

"How are things?"

"I'm still feeling things out. My brother is dealing with some political dissenters, some policy changes...blah, blah, blah." He tried to make things sound mundane to comfort her.

"You're not tired? You should be exhausted."

"I am," he said.

"It's raining here," she said, "a good clean rain. Everything smells so good outside."

"You sound well, my love."

"It's the rain. It makes me feel brand new. But it's not the same without you here to enjoy it with me."

She sat up in bed and he saw that she was nude.

"Baby, really? You know I'm on the other side of the world and you sit up there onscreen with those beautiful tits teasing me?"

She fondled her nipples for him.

"You're killing me over here," he said.

She really was, he felt his cock fatten in his pants.

"Let me really put you six feet under then," she said, peeling back the covers, showing him already plump glistening folds.

"Were you playing with yourself?"

"Mmmhmmm, right before you called," she sighed, her fingers plying her labia open.

"Fuck…Califia…"

N'Jobu groaned loud in his room and yanked down his pants.

Three fingers deep, Califia fingerfucked herself for him as he damn near stroked all the skin off of his dick.

When she came calling his name while staring at him, her legs spread wide, he shot thick ropes of his own cum onto his chest. He fell asleep to the sound of the rain falling on their skylight and her fingers playing with her clit ring, her voice softly telling him she loved him.

It was a blissful rest.

Chapter 21 HERE.

[everythinggodofwar]

The Treasure of Koninsgard (part 9)

“Ljóss.”

Sigyn woke up to the bifrost window awakening and allowing the sun to pour into her room. She blinked her foggy eyes to see who had just woken her up. Standing above her, she could see the foggy silhouette of her mother.

“Wake up, Sigyn.”

“What’s going on?” Sigyn muttered through the grogginess.

“Come on.”

“What time is it?”

“No real time here; remember?”

“Oh yeah..” Sigyn forced herself up on her elbow. “Is it morning for us though?”

“Yes.” She took Sigyn’s hand and helped her up. “Now let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Sigyn stretched and rubbed her eyes.

“Your aunt prepared a meal for us.”

“Really?” She asked with a hint of excitement in her voice. “Like.. something other than wild berries??”

Alva chuckled lightly. “No berries today.”

“Yes..” this cheered her up if nothing else would. She didn’t even care what it was as long as it wasn’t berries or edible forest plants.

“Come on.” Alva led Sigyn through the corridor and out into the parlor where a large set of doors led to the dining room; she held the door open as her daughter walked through.

“Good morning, Sigyn!” Dagny smiled when they entered and ran to hug her niece, who took it reluctantly. “Did you sleep well?”

Sigyn nodded and gently pulled away from the hug. “Did you make all of this by yourself?” She asked about the array of meat, bread, and fruits set on the long dining table.

“I did.. I figured you might be getting a little tired of wild berries and grass.

Sigyn laughed. “A little.”

Dagny leaned in a bit closer and whispered. “You’re mums not much a hunter is she?”

Sigyn shook her head. “Not at all”

Dagny chuckled. “Well, go on. Have as much as you like!”

Sigyn glanced at her mother for approval. Once Alva nodded, she smiled and ran to go sit in her old spot at the table.

Dagny’s smile faded as she made eye contact with her sister. She stood up from being crouched on the ground, never breaking her subtly challenging glare with Alva.

Alva just stared with those unfeeling, unforgiving green eyes of hers as Dagny returned the same look. They knew they should pretend for Sigyn’s sake that somehow they had worked something out between them, but in truth the wounds were too deep to ever be mended.

After a minute, Dagny’s emotions got the best of her and gave up. She let her gaze shift to the floor and turned to go sit with Sigyn at the table. As she sat down at the end of the table opposite to where Alva was to sit, she forced a brief smile at her niece, who already had a plate of fruit and was cutting up a piece of venison.

“Don’t gorge yourself, Sigyn.” Alva warned as she took her seat. “You don’t want to get sick.”

“I know, mother.”

“Let the girl enjoy herself, sister.” Dagny said with a forced sense of politeness. “I doubt she’s had any decent meals since you left.”

“She’s eaten, sister.” Alva spun a knife around in her hand. “I haven’t starved her.”

Dagny half laughed- half scoffed. “Is that why she’s lost weight despite getting older?”

Sigyn awkwardly took a drink of her water. She could practically smell the growing tension.

Alva’s fiery eyes shot up at Dagny at this accusation. “Does that concern you, sister?”

“Well.. considering the fact that I practically raised her.. yes. Yes, it does.”

Alva stopped spinning the knife and closed her fist around the handle, turning her knuckles white with the pressure. “I did my best, Dagny.. What were you doing while I struggled to feed her?? Hm? Sitting here practicing magic and gardening?”

“You made it clear you didn’t need my help.”

“I didn’t.. I don’t.”

“Hm.” Dagny snickered. “Is that why you ran back to me and gave me your magic as soon as you realized you couldn’t fight Odin?”

“Dagny!”

“What?” Sigyn froze and looked at her mother in horror.

Dagny knew she shouldn’t have said that, but she refused to show her regret.

“It’s nothing, Sigyn.” Alva muttered.

“You gave up your magic?!”

Alva just remained silent.

“Wh-” Sigyn’s mind spun as she tried to comprehend this. “Why would you do that?”

Alva said nothing.

“There were prices to pay..” Dagny spoke up.

“’Prices?’ What else?”

“Sigyn..”

“What else?”

Alva sighed. “I’m.. I’m to give my life to her.”

“Wha- like a servant?”

“Only if I need her help,” Dagny explained as she toke a sip of her wine, “which I doubt I ever will.”

“But..” Sigyn shook her head. “But why?”

“To-” Alva hesitated, as if she had to consider what she was about to say. “To protect you.”

“But I’m.. I’m not worth that!”

“Sigyn!” Dagny reprimanded. “Don’t ever say that.”

“But Mother’s magic? Is anything worth that?”

“Let us speak of other things.” Alva spoke up. “Sigyn, finish your dinner.”

“I don’t think I’m hungry anymore..”

“Eat.”

Sigyn scowled and picked her fork back up. Despite the sick feeling in her stomach and her sudden loss of appetite, she forced herself to eat.

Alva and Dagny looked at each other like they were having some sort of telepathic conversation. Neither one of them touched the food set out in front of them.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Sigyn asked, a hint of an attitude in her voice.

“I am not hungry.” Dagny and Alva said almost in unison.

“Neither am I..” Sigyn muttered.

“That’s very considerate, Sigyn...” Dagny said softly. “Thank you.”

Sigyn began to notice that she was suddenly getting very tired. Maybe she didn’t sleep as well as she thought she had..

“So,” Dagny began in an attempt to lighten the mood, “Did you see any dragons in Midgard, Sigyn?”

“No..” Sigyn said through a yawn. “I never really got to leave the house.”

Dagny shot a subtle glare at Alva at hearing this. “That’s too bad.. I’ll have to make sure you see a real one some day.”

“That sounds fun..” She shook her head to ward off the increasing grogginess. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong; she thought she slept well enough. It’s not like she’d never slept on that window sill before.. She thought perhaps it must just be the stress.

“That sounds like a bad idea..” Alva declared. “Dragons kill if you don’t recall.”

“Not if you don’t get too close, sister.” Dagny saud with a mock sense of playfulness.

“Why do you..” Sigyn began in broken, slurred phrases. “have to.. argue.. about everything.” She dropped what she was holding and slumped back in her seat.

“Sigyn?” Alva stood up and ran to her daughter’s side. “What’s happening, Dagny?”

“It’s working.”

“Whhaatt.. whaatts workiing?”

“She’s supposed to get this tired?”

“Her body’s just taking a few minutes to adjust. It’ll settle down on a minute or two.”

Sigyn tried to listen to what they were saying, but the fatigue made it nearly impossible to focus on anything.

She felt a pair of hands on her shoulders followed by the sensation of being shaken. This brought her back to reality enough to be able to focus on her mother sitting beside her.

“Sigyn?”

“Mother..” she replied weakly. “I think.. I need to sleep again.”

“You can... You can sleep very soon.”

Sigyn just nodded and began to close her eyes. “Okay.”

“I’ve got to go, Sigyn. You’re gonna stay here with you aunt for a little while.”

“What?” Sigyn forced her eyes open and tried to stand, failing miserably. “No. I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to... You’ll be fine.”

“Wha-” She shook her head and grabbed her mothers hand weakly. “Where are you going?”

Alva smiled in some attempt comfort her. “It’s just an errand Dagny needs me to run.. I’ll be back for you soon. Promise.”

“Please don’t go..”

Alva smiled and planted a gentle kiss on the top of Sigyn’s head.

“Mother..” Sigyn pleaded and watched helplessly as her mother stood up and began to walk away. Something inside her screamed louder to go after her the farther away she got.

With all the strength she could muster up, she grabbed the side of the table and pulled herself to her feet. She took a deep breath, balanced herself, and took one step, only for her weak legs giving out beneath her immediately.

Before she could hit the ground, Dagny stepped in and caught her.

“I got you, sweetheart.”

“Where’s she going?” Sigyn cried.

“That doesn’t matter..” She picked up the frail girl without much effort- Dagny was a lot stronger than she looked-, holding her back and head with one arm and her legs with the other, and started off towards the parlor door. “It’s just you and I for a little while.”

“Can.. mmm.. can you take me to my room?” Sigyn asked. “I think I need to sleep.”

“Maybe later.. First were going to make a trip to my tower real quick.”

“I don’t want to.. That place scares me.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of.” Dagny smiled at Sigyn with her strangely soothing smile. “I’m just going to strengthen that protection rune of yours.. That way no one bad can ever find you again.”

“But... I’m safe here.. right?”

Dagny’s smile fell and she looked away. “Yes..”

Sigyn let her heavy eyelids shut as her aunt carried her up the stairs. “I’m tired.”

“I know..” She whispered as she reached the top. “You had a rough night. Plus you’re too weak from never eating in Midgard.. It’ll get better soon, I promise.”

“Aunt Dagny..” Sigyn began, never opening her eyes.

“Yes?”

“Why did you make us leave?”

Dagny hesitated. She knew she could never tell Sigyn the real reason; it would break her little heart. She was too young to understand such things. Perhaps some day she would get to tell her.. perhaps.

“Another time, my dear.”

“Mm.. okaaay..”

They went the rest of the way in silence. Dagny had to keep making sure Sigyn didn’t fall asleep. She knew she wouldn’t wake back up for a long time if she did, and that would mess the spell up.

“Okay. Time to walk.” Dagny said, after what felt like forever of walking up the excessive steps leading up to her designated magic tower.

Sigyn groaned in resistance as Dagny set her feet on the ground and forced her to use her still-wobbly legs.

“There you go.” She held her arm out for support and helped Sigyn regain her balance. “Can you walk?”

Sigyn nodded.

“Good. Do you have your travel stone?”

Sigyn reached in her pocket and pulled out the little wooden bear and showed it to her aunt. “Do you need it?”

Dagny shook her head and walked over to her enchantment table. “I don’t need it.” She pulled out a massive book and opened it on her table. Without looking up from it, she pointed to the other side of the room at a large pedestal with a few steps leading up to the top of it. “Sit up there would you?”

Sigyn examined the object and squinted her eyes. “Um.. why?”

“Just do it.”

Hesitantly, Sigyn made her way over and climbed on top as her aunt had instructed. “Is this where you do your spells now?”

Dagny remained silent, engrossed in her book- or perhaps just ignoring Sigyn for dread of answering her questions.

Sigyn plopped down on the pedestal and dangled her legs over the side. She began to fidget with the wooden bear she was still holding in her hands. She was feeling strangely better; she was still groggy, but better. “How are you gonna strengthen my protection rune?”

Once again Dagny didn’t answer.

Sigyn sighed. She knew she shouldn’t bother people when they’re studying, especially where magic is involved, but she hated not knowing what people were doing.

Dagny set the book aside and went to her cabinet, where she pulled out a few ingredients Sigyn recognized and a few she didn’t.

“What’s that for?” Sigyn asked. Dagny didn’t respond. “Are those for a different kind of protection rune? The one mother did was made with lavender oil, lamb’s cress, red root, and.. boar urine..”

“You remember all that?” Dagny asked.

“Mmhm.”

“Impressive. I thought your mom didn’t want you learning magic.”

“She doesn’t.. I just watched her.”

“You always have been clever haven’t you?”

“.. I guess..”

Dagny took bits and pieces of all the ingredients and mixed them together in a bowl. Sigyn watched curiously as Dagny muttered encantations over the concoction, making it glow all different colors. This was a very complex spell; that much was obvious.

The last ingredient Sigyn wished she wouldn’t have seen. As soon as the mixture turned golden, Dagny pulled out a vial of some thick, dark liquid that Sigyn didn’t recognize till it was being dripped into the bowl. It was blood.

“What’s that for?” Sigyn asked, her voice more fearful than she meant it to be.

Dagny remained silent.

“What’s that for, Dagny?!”

“... A blood spell.”

“Why??”

“Calm down.”

“Why?!?” She began to tense up, partly readying herself to run. “Why are you using black magic on me??”

“Center yourself on the pedestal, please.”

“Dagny?!?”

She just calmly grabbed a bunch of dried long grass that was tied together with enchanted strings and dipped the end of it in the now-purple glowing mixture.

“What are you doing??”

“Sit in the center of the pedestal.”

“Dagny..” Sigyn’s voice was suddenly weaker and more pleading. “What are you doing?”

“I told you what to do, now do it.”

Sigyn shook her head as tears began to fall down her cheeks. “I don’t want to.”

“NOW!”

Sigyn flinched when her aunt raised her voice. With tears now streaming down her face, she obeyed. With shaky hands, she pulled herself backwards and crossed her legs.

Dagny took Sigyn’s hand rather forcefully and marked a spot on the back back of it with her concoction. Sigyn whimpered when she did the same with the other hand and the top of her forehead.

“Please...” It was all Sigyn could say through the tears and shaking. For a moment, Dagny’s hard expression broke, revealing her guilt and shame; it was only for a moment, however. She quickly reminded herself of the deal that was struck and that she must go through with it.

“It won’t hurt, my dear.”

Sigyn just lowered her head and cried. If only mother were here, surely she would save her..

Dagny took a step back and whispered, “Steinn.”

The spots on Sigyn’s hands began to harden like stone and spread over her arms at an alarming rate.

“Ethr”

Sigyn whimpered as she felt the spot on her forehead harden up like the other two had and begin spreading.

In only a moment, the stone had spread over her whole body, leaving her in that darkness that would last longer than she could possibly imagine.

[castcharmperson]

Speed Trap: Part VI

[Start]

Our thrilling conclusion!

The ride to the station was longer than Taako remembered it being and terrifyingly quiet. Neither of the real officers said anything and Taako was certainly not about to start talking. Unless, shoot, he was supposed to state that he was enacting his fifth amendment right, right? He opened his mouth to do so but sighed instead, slumping in the back seat. What was the point? Lup was never going to forgive him for this. Prison might actually be better.

She parked the squad car and muttered something to her coworker, before taking Taako out herself. She was surprisingly gentle, but the distance between them was painful as she led him by the elbow past the lobby. They went into a side room, sat in opposite chairs across a metal table, and she started filling out paperwork.

“So.” She finally looked at him. Her eyes were still rimmed red.

“Lulu-”

She shook her head, lips pursed with barely contained fury that melted away into something so much worse. “None of that,” she said with a forced calm that hurt to hear.

“Okay.” He tried to get comfortable in the metal chair with the metal cuffs behind his back but it was hopeless.

“How-” Lup’s voice cracked and she started again. “How long has this been going on?”

“A while.”

“Taako.”

“Started back in September, I think.”

She sucked in a breath through her teeth and scribbled down his answer. She looked at him again and it was like there was smoke in his lungs. “Since you got the promotion.”

Taako was the first to break eye contact. “I, uh, didn’t get promoted.”

She didn’t respond, just waited him out. She probably already knew the answer, just what he’d said was enough of a confession, but she wanted to hear it.

“I got fired.”

The bark of laughter startled him. “So you get fired and, what? Join a fucking gang? What is wrong with you!” She stood suddenly, but he leaned forward, trying to match her as she paced around the small room.

“Why the fuck does everyone think I’m working with the crazy twins? No, I’m not in a gang! I literally only ran into them last night. I’ve just been committing a little fraud.”

“A little? Taako, this isn’t- Fuck, you just confessed. You can’t keep a job and you can’t even run a con right!”

“I was fucking amazing at running a con for half a year and I-” He wasn’t sure how they started shouting at each other, but he was the first to stop. “Lup. Please, I’ll give back all the money if that’s what this is about.”

She sat back down, slumped over with her head in her hands. “Taako,” she sighed and looked at him again. He forced himself to keep looking at her. “If it were up to me, I’d let you off easy. Community service, fines, that kind of thing. But it is literally so not up to me, it’s laughable. There’s probably going to be a trial, you’ll have to convince a lot of people who aren’t your goddamn sister who loves you, you fucking idiot. I would have helped you if you needed money, you know that.”

“Lulu-”

“No!” She slammed her hands on the table and he jumped. She looked guilty, but pushed on, voice soft again. “I can’t help you anymore. I’m a suspect, Taako. You took my uniform, learned the police codes from me while I was studying, lived in the same damn house with me while you did all this and I had no fucking clue!” Her voice was breaking again and Taako had to look away.

She took a deep breath and stood. Taako heard retreating footsteps and the door opening. “I’ll put in a good word,” Lup whispered, before closing the door and leaving him alone.

“Go easy on him, please.” He heard her say as the door opened again. “He’s all I have.”

He had a moment to smile to himself. How mad could she be, if she’d still consider him family? The two of them had cut people out of their lives for less. They were always a duo, no matter how much trouble they dragged each other into. Maybe a few years away, doing the proper time for his crimes, and Taako could come back and everything would be fine.

“Well, you really didn’t want to follow any of the laws, did you? What, officers still weren’t attractive enough?”

“Oh my god, no. No, you do not get to decide my fate, are you kidding me?” Taako scowled as Kravitz closed the door behind himself and strolled into the room.

“Well, I don’t decide it. A jury of your peers will. You know, through the legal system. The system you basically spat on for the last six months.”

“You can cut the accent, Kravitz.”

“You should really be calling me Officer Queen.” At least he dropped the fake Cockney. “Or sir, if you’re feeling cheeky.”

Kravitz sat across from him, spinning the chair Lup had just been in to straddle his legs around the back. Taako had to laugh, at a loss for any other kind of reaction. “God, you think you’re so cool right now, don’t you? Don’t even try, my guy. I know you. You’re a flustered pretty boy, with stupid accents and a weakness for sugar cookies. Don’t act like you’re in control right now.”

“Oh, but I am.” Kravitz leaned forward, absolutely leering. “You know, with that nice little confession you just gave, they might let you off easy. It’s a ten year minimum for impersonating an officer in this district. If you want to go to trial, well, I might have to bring up arson, bribing an officer, money laundering, sexual harassment-”

“Woah, okay, the arson was not my fault. And we both know that was not harassment, Officer Queen. I may be an idiot criminal but I have eyes. I’ve seen how you look at me.”

Kravitz rolled his eyes, but Taako could see a blush creeping across his cheeks. “If you go to trial, you will lose. That’s a fifteen year minimum and a fine that will put you even further in debt than you were before this whole con act started. You can kiss your bakery goodbye.”

“It’s a cafe,” Taako grumbled. He’d already sort of accepted that fate. Lup wouldn’t be able to run it, not with her job, if she was even able to keep that after all Taako had ruined. And everyone else he knew would burn down the kitchen before being able to make anything edible. Still stung to be reminded of all he was going to lose, though.

“However,” Kravitz’s playful tone throughout all of this had bordered on cruel in Taako’s opinion, but now there was a shift. Some conspiratal about it. “You really should thank Ms. Mol’Diira. You think my accent is bad? She noticed pretty early on that there was a similarity in the very fake voices you were using every time you called, so she started keeping track of what you called in. In fact, she’s credited you with more successful dangerous driving arrests than any other officer in the district.”

“Really?” Taako’s face scrunched up even as his shoulders lost some of the tension they were holding. “You guys suck at your job.”

Kravitz laughed. “Well, most of our officers are focused on bigger cases. Such as that kidnapping you got entangled with. We got a statement from a, uh, Cameron Sorcera. Sound familiar? He described someone who matches your description. Says you saved his life. Taako, for a fake cop, you’ve got almost as much potential as Lup did when she joined the force.”

Taako barked out a short laugh, his smile like a knife. “Don’t insult my sister like that.”

Kravitz’s brows knitted together for only a moment. “I’m serious. What you did last night was nothing short of heroic.”

The silence that settled over the interrogation room was unsettling, but Kravitz seemed comfortable in it. Taako supposed it was his job after all. He wished he could enjoy the irony about this man; at ease against dangerous criminals but flustered by a flirting pastry chef.

“Look, I’m not a hero.” The word tasted sour in Taako’s mouth. “But I’m not a monster. I couldn’t just stand by while people got away with all the shit they did.”

Kravitz nodded, like he’d been expecting that answer. How? He hardly knew Taako and what he did know was not worthy of whatever that thoughtful look was on that handsome face. “I’m sure you know your sister is taking leave for the next two months.”

“Yeah.” Fuck, she and Barold had been planning that trip for months. Courthouse marriage and then all the ‘sorry we can’t attend the wedding’ gift money from distant relatives was going to be dumped into the most epic honeymoon imaginable. With all the trouble Taako had stirred up, there’s no way she’d be able to go.

“I’ll be down my best officer. And the Wendor case, which has been cold for months, finally has a lead. Plus, she’s taking Civilian Officer Bluejeans and he does more paperwork here than everyone else combined- we’ll be swamped while they’re gone.”

“Wait,” Taako tilted his head. Something didn't add up. “Lup said she was a suspect. They’re not going to let her out of the state.”

Kravitz returned to that playful grin, too handsome to possibly be legal no matter which side of the law he was on. “‘They’ who? The only person of authority who knows about your little stunt is me.”

Taako wished he could say he was distracted. Wished he had some kind of reason for his confusion. He wasn’t even lost staring at those perfectly plush lips smiling at him. No, he had heard every word, but still didn’t understand. He just sat there, slack jawed and staring at Kravitz, who leaned across the table, giving a stage whisper.

“Here’s my offer. If you can pass the written officer’s exam, manage all of Bluejean’s paperwork, and cease any and all criminal activity, I will allow you to serve your sentence for the next two months as a probationary officer instead of the next ten years behind bars.”

“You… You can’t do that? What happened to a jury of my peers? To the respect for the legal system? You can’t just play the law however you want. You’re one guy. And you’re not even a judge.”

Kravitz gave a dark chuckle, leaning back and seeming to lounge in the rigid metal chair. “That’s funny. What exactly have you been doing the past six months?”

Taako gave a reluctant nod.

“So, you want to take this to court? Or do we have a deal?”

“You’re really serious.”

“Not for long, though.” Kravitz looked to his wrist, but he wasn’t even wearing a watch. “I’ve got a meeting with the district supervisor in ten minutes, so make your decision.”

“Is there a catch?”

“It’s a lot of paperwork.”

“And only two months?”

“I might consider an extended position if you follow the rules.”

“Why me?”

Again, Kravitz’s eyebrows creased towards each other, confusion and concern mixed in a beautiful twist, though he willed the expression away as fast as it came. “Well, I can’t exactly get my free drink if you never open your cafe.”

Whatever Taako felt at those flippant words didn’t feel real. Nothing about any of this felt real. It was like something fantastical and fictional was bubbling up inside him like a colorful, magical glow. Distantly, he thought the feeling might be hysteria. This whole situation, the entire last six months and certainly the last twenty-four hours, were too impossible to really get a grip on. Laughter tumbled out of him and Taako mirrored Kravitz’s lounged pose, as much as the handcuffs twisting his arms behind him would allow.

“Huh, so mister high and mighty law man is willing to let crime slide by for a pretty face. Bet I really could have gotten out of that ticket if you let me suck your--” The sound of Kravitz’s chair screeching across the tile was enough to stop him, so the finger pressed against his mouth seemed unnecessary. Especially with Kravitz half lunged across the table to place it there.

Despite the deep flush across his face, Officer Queen managed to keep his voice forceful. “If you make a single sexual remark towards me again, if you so much as look at my ass once I’m out of this room, I will end this entire thing and you will go to jail.”

He should be concerned. Taako should pay attention to Kravitz’s warning, should take this strange, hail Mary deal and keep on the straight and narrow for the rest of eternity. But he was neither straight nor narrow, and all of this still seemed like a fever dream.

It was too easy to stick his tongue out and lick upwards along Kravitz’s finger. The officer jolted his hand back at the slick sensation, but didn’t unsprawl himself from over the table. It was a cute look on him, horrified at the situation and horrified at his own interest all at once.

“What?” Taako grinned. “You said we started once you were out of the room.”

[Part Five]

So yeah, I imagine this fic sort of like a pilot episode. Throughout the season, they chase criminals, wrap up this case with the Wonderland twins, and fall in love with each other. Maybe in season two, Lup and Barry come back and it’s the full on reaper squad. Idk.

Thanks so much for reading! If you liked it, drop by my askbox and let me know!

[vespaertine]

shit my groupchat has said - an ask meme

this ask meme is very long, and very nsfw! there are currently 88 starter sentences, and more may be added. apparently, when you scroll up in discord far enough, your computer will lay down and die. anyway, have fun with this, and feel free to change things up or add your own to the list!

“that’s so southern of you.”

“we’re close enough friends that i can just post tit pics and it’s no big deal.”

“i’ve become she-woman man-fucker.”

“why would i want to fuck him? he looks like a thumb.”

“the highlight of that trip was having very loud sex at a family resort.”

“do you ever just read something and immediately wish the hag would come of of her cave and just kill you?”

“i have a feeling that you aren’t about that, judging by the spaghetti dog.”

“your mom is the ultimate wing man.”

“her dress looked like a fancy latex sex dungeon get up.”

“she looks like a raw squid.”

“i’ve got 20 barrels of grog and some bombs.”

“my brand of romance is accidentally meme-ing while nearly sexting.”

“...the rest of the brain is devoted to stupid, ape stuff. like eating.”

“you’re the soft butch we all need in our lives.”

“bobby flay better not fuck my grandma.”

“fucking help me fend off the straight boys.”

“i’m attracted to the fish prince.”

“can you girlfriend her and have her send me some edibles? thanks.”

“this is the world’s okayest pie crust.”

“i’m proof that aquarians have god complexes.”

“i just realized that it’s a full moon AND mercury is in retrograde.”

“we all fuckin’ weebs.”

“i just need lobster when i get to the east coast, and then i’ll be gucci.”

“we all just wanna get topped and loaded like a bacon cheese baked potato.”

“fucking. unicorn skin armor.”

“war ... playing with anime tiddies.”

“you’re out here making me gayer than i already am.”

“he had a dirty foot kink and it kind of made me want to die.”

“i’m getting a bad dragon soon. i’ve waited all year for tax returns.”

“you look like the butch of my dreams.”

“Ayyee our periods are aligned!”

“i don’t have enough alcohol in my system for this.”

“it’s awkward when an ex of yours likes your nudes.”

“somehow golden showers came up in the radio room yesterday.”

“this is why you should keep multiple boyfriends.”

“i want him to kick me out of bed and into a wall.”

“cannonballing a dick would hurt so bad.”

“you’re not a real gamer unless you’ve eaten todd howard’s ass, thanking him for his 6th release of skyrim.”

“i’m not into that, but i’ve got an open mind.”

“the sparkle dog community is wild.”

“no offense but i want all of the aliens to raw me.”

“i don’t need a man. i need a swamp demon from the bayou.”

“as a furry, i have seen dark things that no man should see.”

“shut up i’m pissing. fuck i actually really have to pee.”

“that boi got the entire trans-alaskan oil pipeline in his shorts.”

“i would have fucked him, but then i heard him use the word ‘bro’ unironically in a phone conversation.”

“accept the granite.”

“my panties have been destroyed. vanquished.”

“apparently social justice summons me.”

“take a swig of some 90% isopropyl alcohol. down the hatch.”

“i always get my way ... except for the times i don’t.”

“i think i saw him have a mini funeral with his pot stuff over the trash can.”

“i die when the cornbread is in me.”

“mothman seems like the type of cryptid who waits until marriage and just wants to take you out for ice cream.”

“i’m a bowser fucker.”

“this candle is rainbow for gay intent.”

“you can catch me spooning sangria right out of the pitcher.”

“i see absolutely no downsides to prison.”

“if you decide to go with tax evasion, you get sent to a fancy federal prison.”

“do you want to see something galactically stupid?”

“hog tie me in the middle of the target wine isle.”

“i sucked his dick and he nutted in 2 minutes flat.”

“if you want the puss you’ve gotta, like, do something.”

“i went to the gym with a bottle of water, and returned home with a bag of chips and a coke.”

“i’m here, i’m queer, and i’m a little bit sad.”

“i feel like at this point we need to move out into the middle of the forest, dump everyone, and start a coven.”

“these are naturally flavored ranch chips. as opposed to unnaturally flavored.”

“i’ve had panera once and i don’t even remember the experience.”

“no, i don’t smoke pot. it’s for the aesthetic.”

“who knew that raccoons and walruses were so closely related via dick bone.”

“the aura of that google docs is so cursed, my internet went offline for a minute when i tried to open it.”

“ye olde condom and nutella life hacks.”

“can you hold on to a bull with a rope tied around its nuts for 8 seconds? i don’t think so.”

“he ain’t allowed in my vuvuzela.”

“get your applesauce injected intravenously.”

“we’re the sister wives, without the husband.”

“somehow i ended up listening to three days grace and this lyric video is done in comic sans.”

“if you can find andy warhol’s diary, he legit talks about having pubic lice for like five or six pages.”

“you had me at ‘victorian lesbians’.”

“there’s something so romantic and quaint about letters, my dude.”

“i love how decadently filthy this is.”

“just let my sad, writhing, angry body glide through space for eternity.”

“tell him to try dipping his nuts in milk.”

“welcome to the femslash fun swamp.”

“i just got like 8% more gay.”

“not gonna lie ... i wanna date mothman.”

“i just read a discussion talking about getting trapped in the fairy realm after having a fairy nut in your mouth.”

“four dads at home depot? no. four moms in a sunroom of a suburban home having an orgy.”

[zecretsanta]

“Scene: Truth or Consequences, New Mexico”

To: @silveredfoxxeh

From: @billyweird

Notes: Happy Holidays! I wrote you C-Team polyamory plus road trip plus lots of introspection and fluff.

Ao3

By the time Carlos found Akane lingering in the hallway outside the reception room, it was so late that drunk wedding guests had fallen asleep where they sat. Her back was to him and she held her dress up so the hem didn’t drag. Her bare feet were exposed and without her heels she’d lost three inches. She looked around dazedly, muttering to herself in Japanese, and startled when he tapped her on the shoulder. “Oh, Carlos!” She looked dewy and relaxed and like she couldn’t believe she made it this far. She sniffled, cried, and laughed all day and stumbled into her brother when they danced. They ended up in a bear hug swaying gently as the song petered out. Junpei’s hand was probably covered in makeup with how often he’d wiped her face.

Carlos smoothed down some hair that had fallen out of her elaborate style. When he touched her he thought that he should’ve asked her for one more dance today and one more kiss last night. “Congratulations.” His hand lingered on her cheek, and she held hers over it. Was it bad etiquette to tell a married woman she was beautiful if you weren’t her husband? The wedding wasn’t officially over—she was still a bride. Everyone told the bride she looked amazing. “I’m so happy for you two.” Her face softened and she held onto his hand when he tried to pull away. “Then why do you look so sad?” “Do I?” He stroked her cheekbone with his thumb, accidentally streaking some blush that clung to him like the bittersweet feelings he carried leading up to this day. “It’s champagne. You know how I get when I’m drunk.” “You’re an awful liar,” she said. “‘Say what you need to while there’s time to say it.’” She remembered that far back, and from another history? Of course. She was Akane: she knew the answer to every trivia game show question, how to breakdown fringe science theories, and the Latin names for at least 20 breeds of rabbit. “I guess I’m happy and I’m sad. I, uh…” Even head over heels for them, Carlos felt hopeless and clumsy with romance. “I picked a crap time to say goodbye, but I’m gonna miss you two. We had some good times, and you guys made even the darkest moments bearable.” And he’d never forget the morning after a bar crawl when Junpei clarified their kiss last night wasn’t impulsive by pulling him in by the collar. Sitting by the phone all night waiting for news that Junpei was out of surgery. Coming home from a 24-hour shift to find them sleeping in his bed. How proud Akane was when he wolfed down her first edible batch of spaghetti napolitan. “And you gave me something I never thought I’d have.” He was content with being alone until they all met, and now he counted the seconds until she walked away. “So thank you. Go be happy together.” He expected her to smile knowingly and echo similar sentiments, until she brushed his hand aside. She stood on her tiptoes, braced her hands on his chest and tilted her head up. Her typical cue to kiss her. When he hesitated, she bit her bottom lip. “Hey.” Their same dance—he put his hands on her waist, her wedding dress so fragile and smooth in his grasp, and kissed her until her lipstick rubbed off on him. “We’re happy with you,” she said when they pulled away, him holding onto her even as she eased back onto her feet. “I didn’t think I had to say that.” She smiled and rubbed her hand over his mouth so her fingers came away colorful. “Junpei is my husband. That doesn’t change that you’re mine, too.” She touched his mouth once more. “Speaking of him, I need to go.” She pushed his hands off her waist and turned away. Carlos grabbed her arm but she slid through his grip, looking over her shoulder once before disappearing into a side room. Even though she was gone he floated in the moment suspended by hope and cautious joy, until she yelped and he ran to action. He arrived in time to find Junpei holding up an empty tumbler, gloating in Japanese to a passed out Aoi, before he too slumped forward. The glass shattered as he fell off the sofa. Carlos and Akane spent the rest of the night in the ER, waiting to hear about her husband and brother who’d given themselves alcohol poisoning because they wouldn’t quit a drinking contest. “I can’t believe them!” she groaned, and Carlos put his arm around her and let her fall asleep on him. Akane kept her promise: they continued showing up at his door unannounced or actually reaching out to make plans, and during those visits it was like they were never apart. He and Maria were the only Westerners invited to their second, traditional wedding ceremony in Japan (under strict orders not to tell Junpei’s family they were already married, as if Carlos spoke enough intelligible Japanese to direct them to the bathroom). They treated Maria and Aoi like their respective in-laws. The dry spells—when they were gone for months at a time for work and semi-unreachable—ground him down. He found their toiletries and clothes around his place and sighed instead of smiled. It all came to a head when they hit three years together, including one year married for Junpei and Akane. “It’s not that easy to up and leave here,” Carlos said for the millionth time and Junpei rolled his eyes. “What’s hard about it? You move in for good, you don’t have to think about money again, you—” “I’m not me anymore.” He couldn’t keep frustration out of his voice. “The Carlos you guys like is a firefighter. He’s a brother. He can take care of himself.” He slumped a bit. “You make me happy, but you’re not my whole life.” “Does a life with us sound that bad?” Junpei narrowed his eyes, lay down on the couch, and looked at the ceiling like he knew his question was pointless. In the armchair, Akane murmured in her sleep and curled up tighter. Carlos suspected Junpei brought this up now because she wasn’t awake to tell him to respect Carlos’ feelings and drop the subject.  

“Don’t guilt trip me.” “Answer my question.” “If you have to ask…” Carlos began, but trailed off seeing how Junpei started snapping one of Akane’s hairbands on his wrist. Carlos sat with him on the couch and pulled Junpei’s legs onto his lap. It was a little-known Junpei fact that he liked foot massages, and he twitched when Carlos started at his arch. “My sister and my job need me, too.” “It’s just easier when you’re around, you know,” Junpei said. He didn’t elaborate but let Carlos play with his stocking feet until he relaxed and fell asleep. In the morning, Junpei made “Forget That Conversation Happened” crepes and Akane contributed by cutting fruit into cute shapes. Presentation and making tea were the only cooking skills her brother taught her that stuck. When she was done she put her chin on Junpei’s shoulder and pointed at the skillet as he worked. “No leeks,” he said in English so Carlos would understand, hoping to win someone over to his side. “He’s saving you from yourself, Akane,” Carlos said, leaning in the doorway. Watching them together always charmed him even when they squabbled during the Decision Game. “It tastes good.” “Call your brother if you want catered to,” Junpei grumbled, but put his free hand over her arms wrapped around his chest. “You think you’d both be nicer to me since our anniversary is coming up.” Their anniversary always seemed to be “coming up” when Akane wanted something. The real date floated because the day they all met was morbid and they never sat down and declared this an official Thing. The only tradition surrounding it was they traded off who got to pick the celebration. “Speaking of.” Carlos tapped his fingernails against the fridge, over a picture of Maria in a forest in Oregon. He was low-key jealous that Aoi still lived with his sister. Carlos missed Maria to death even though he was happy she enjoyed her life on the road. She was enamored of the landscape, the people, and the weather and swore Oregon was a different world. “I know what I wanna do.” 

* Akane floored the gas pedal until the needle passed 80mph and the desert and highway signs blazed by in Carlos’ peripheral vision. He thought of every high-speed collision scene he ever worked, and opened his mouth when Junpei beat him to the punch: “You’re gonna kill us!” Akane giggled. “You never let me drive.” “This is why!” At least SUVs have a large crumple zone, Carlos thought—but oh fuck, rollover—"Akane for God’s sake!“ Carlos clenched his hand over hers on the wheel and she hesitated a moment before taking her foot off the pedal. Once they slowed to a highway-legal speed, he turned on cruise control. “No more Speed Racer.” She pursed her lips. “You two used to be fun.” In the backseat, Junpei sank back with relief and sighed. “I want a divorce.” It only took him four hours on the road to get to that old line. Carlos knew that at the next rest stop Junpei would still nag her to eat, holding a yogurt cup in one hand and fresh fruit in the other, and surrender when she grabbed two pudding cups and a bag of sour gummy octopi. When she ate those he refused to kiss her but, hey, more for Carlos. He liked that it was three years down the road and she still blushed when he bent down to steal a sweet-and-sour kiss. Carlos daydreamed about this for years: a road trip through the middle of nowhere, taking pictures everywhere and driving each other insane. When he was thirteen his family tried it but he spent most of it sick, sunburned, and babysitting seven year-old Maria who got the worst of both. The destination was Truth or Consequences, New Mexico—a place he’d been too grumpy and ill to enjoy as a kid—and he pitched a 17 hour, 1,000 mile plus drive with promises of stops at Death Valley, Vegas, and Coconino National Forest along the way. Akane begged for at least one ghost town visit and he caved in the face of her excitement. Whenever Junpei tired of the ride or his companions, he complained that he just wanted to be in Truth or Consequences’ hot springs already. “I need some music,” Carlos said, and the others looked to the car stereo in anticipation. A minute later they were all yelling along to “Womanizer.” Akane undid cruise control and picked up speed, Junpei lowered his window to put his head out, and what a sight they must’ve made: racing the wind with Britney Spears as their battle cry. * They nearly melted in Death Valley, and got fleeced in Vegas (where they also had to sneak out of their hotel via fire stairs before staff could kick them out due to noise complaints when they came back drunk, disorderly, and singing the associated Katy Perry song). They acted their age just enough to avoid arrest and just ridiculous enough to keep each other on their toes. Aoi threatened to block their numbers if Junpei and Akane kept calling him in the middle of the night to say they’d been abducted by aliens or saw a cryptid. By the time they made it to Coconino, the car was full of eclectic souvenirs, empty water bottles and receipts for dinners at wherever sounded interesting. Refreshed at the thought of a nature park that wouldn’t broil them, they arrived early in the morning at Crescent Moon Ranch with their hearts set on splashing around in Oak Creek. “Does he realize he’s gonna scare all the fish away?” Carlos said as he and Akane sat watching Junpei wade around, focusing intently on the water. He’d wandered in without care for his shoes and jeans, and was up to his knees in his own world when Akane called out to him. “He thinks he is one. He always liked going swimming in school.” “And you were a scaredy-cat at the pool?” “No!” Akane adjusted her sunhat and pulled the brim down to hide her face. “I just liked having a swimming partner.” Carlos tried to pull her hat up and she clutched it tighter. “So there are no stories of you crying in two feet of water or needing the teacher to carry you out?” “None!” “Junpei told me.” He snorted when she buried her face in the hat. “It’s cute. I’ll be your swimming partner.” “Shh, I’m thinking of how to get back at him.” That morning, Akane took one of his favorite photos from the trip: him carrying Junpei on his back in the water. They were mid-conversation about who could catch a fish with their bare hands, and then how to get Akane to join them. They ended up picking her up and dangling her between them and she didn’t stop shrieking and kicking until her feet hit the creekbed. They held her sandwiched between them to show they’d never let her drown. (Akane’s revenge was picking the eeriest ghost town along the way and disappearing. When they searched for her, she jumped out at them from behind a corner and a group of kids giggled at Carlos’ and Junpei’s screams.) * Junpei booked their hotel because it was the the first one on the tourism website that boasted in-room hot spring baths: the Blackstone Hotsprings. He’d pored over their website before they left for the trip and decided on two rooms: one with the largest bath and the one beside it so the third person jettisoned there by hotel occupancy policy could come over at bedtime. Carlos assumed he’d be that third while the married partners roomed together, but he watched Junpei pick up his and Carlos’ bags and drag them into the <i>As The World Turns</i> (God, he could remember Mom rushing him off to nap so she could watch that soap) room while Akane winked at him and settled into the solo room. Carlos lay facedown on the king bed and let Junpei toss their bags were he would. He drove the last stretch from Coconino and his back ached. “These people are staring at me,” Junpei said, and when Carlos turned his head he saw on the wall a looming photo collage of former soap cast members with shellacked hair and garish makeup providing a study in Unfortunate Fashion History. “There better not be anything like that in the bath.” The thought of old soap stars watching him bathe was worse than the memory of Delta’s surveillance. Junpei turned to his serious task of arranging various alcoholic beverages in the fridge before rushing to see the spring room without unpacking anything else. The spring bath passed his inspection: a three-walled corner tub with stone waterfall that promised hot spring water for unlimited in-room soaking. “I’ll see you in an hour,” he said, and shut the door in Carlos’ face. He heard water running, clothes hitting the floor, and a heavy contented sigh as Junpei settled into the tub. Akane was taking a nap when he peeked in on her, so Carlos took the opportunity to snap photos of the room, the patio, and the stone and wood decor. Since Maria hit the road last year for her indefinite road trip to “experience real life,” he looked forward to the dozens of photos she sent him. She captured everything from architecture to animals, and more recently a tentative shot of a “new friend” she made in Oregon. She was a girl Maria’s age, who with her flower crowns and pastel clothes was the epitome of the style fifteen years ago. Maria beamed in every photo of them together, and though she wouldn’t say he had a feeling she’d bring her home to him someday. Yay Carlos left the house! she replied. Are you having fun?? Send more pics of Junpei and Akane I miss them. :( </3 Definitely, he typed back, but you should’ve come. Why it’s your anniversary!! A moment later she added, And idk when I’ll have time to drop in cuz I got a job. :D Tell you later xoxox. Her response gave him pause. She was right but it felt odd to acknowledge that there was a part of his emotional life that didn’t include her. Odder still to realize that he’d texted her sporadically during the trip but hadn’t thought about her as often. Or that she wasn’t rushing to tell him about her big milestone. Look forward to it. Xoxo. Junpei found him lying in bed, sipping a drink from the coffee bar in their room and watching a syndicated true crime show. He lay down next to him and moaned. “You gotta try that.” When Carlos didn’t respond, he looked at him. “Uh, hello?” He gestured to the show. “This can’t be that interesting.” “I’m fine.” Carlos set the mug down on the floor. “Just had an epiphany is all.” “Doesn’t look like a good one.” Junpei rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow, resting his cheek on his fist. “What’s up?” “I don’t think Maria’s coming home.” Thinking it and saying it out loud were two different but equally difficult things. “She likes Oregon, so that’s good, but I always thought this was temporary.” Even though she asked him to ship a bunch of her personal things to Oregon a month ago, and she hemmed and hawed when he asked what to do about renewing their lease. “Sorry man.” Junpei muted the TV. “I know she means a lot to you. Akane would be a wreck if Aoi left.” Carlos sat up and leaned back against the wall but bumped his head on the picture frame. Damn rich people and their haughty expressions. “I shouldn’t complain. I wanted her to be happy. If she is now, who am I to stop her?” The thought of moving back into a small apartment and putting her things in storage made his heart sink. She was a massive part of his life but his presence in hers shrunk more by the month. “Good point.” Junpei sat up and folded his arms over his chest. “She’s gonna be fine. So will you.” “I still have my job.” “You still have us.” He leaned into it when Carlos kissed his temple. Junpei didn’t say more, but that was part of his comfort: that he didn’t need to do much to convey what anyone meant to him. “I guess we should wake up Akane?” “Or she’ll keep us up aaallll night talking about alien sightings in New Mexico.” * To her credit, Akane talked about aliens for only half the night. She was preoccupied with finding a restaurant with the most promising dessert menu, and walking her husband through a boutique of oddities while debating what they should get for Aoi. Junpei scoffed but lingered over the photography and clayworks like her, tilting his head once and asking Carlos if “this one looks like the Funyarinpa.” Carlos nodded along, and Junpei bought it and refused to let anyone else touch it. “Hey Carlos,” Akane said as they stood outside the store debating where to go next. She grabbed his left hand and slid a truly ugly red-and-black ring onto his index finger. “Oh yay, it fits! It reminded me of a fire truck.” She held his hand between both of hers. “I know you can’t wear it at work, but you can for the rest of the trip.” “Of course.” When she released him Carlos twisted the ring on his hand. Two over from the ring finger. Junpei hadn’t had his fill of baths yet, and with his determination and a likely bribe managed to secure a last-minute evening booking for the largest outdoor private bath. The Turquoise Room could accommodate eight people with the bath to prove it, and after a quick shower Carlos sat on the ledge and kicked his feet in the hot water. He had to buy swimming trunks on the way here and he picked ones in “bunker gear yellow.” Junpei and Akane wore blue and red respectively, and Carlos thought to himself how silly that they made up the primary colors. “Carlos. Bath. Relax,” Junpei ordered while submerged up to his neck with his eyes closed. “I am relaxed.” Akane scooted over to him on her soaking ledge and pulled on his arm until he sank into the water beside her. He was used to heat, but he still gasped and braced himself. After a while his muscles relaxed and he tilted his head up, admiring the sunset visible through the gap between the canopy and the walls. Everyone was quiet and still, and it let his thoughts wander. Whether he liked or not, his life wasn’t the same as when he was 28. He didn’t miss being broke and sleep-deprived and watching Maria sleep away her childhood. Twenty-eight year-old Carlos would never believe that in his thirties he’d have his sister back and time for friends outside of work and two people who loved him. If everything was better now, why was he so anxious about letting go and allowing himself to enjoy something new? “Can we just keep SHIFTing back to this day?” he said. “Could we go back to this exact moment in time whenever we want?” “Agreed,” Junpei said. He hadn’t moved from his exact spot and Carlos worried he’d fall asleep. Akane shook her head and perched her heels on the ledge so she’d curl in on herself. “You could, but eventually you have to make another choice: to stay in that loop or let go.” “Huh?” “You can’t resist the flow of time forever.” She tilted her head. “Well, I suppose SHIFTers could, but eventually we would have to choose between living in the past or the present.” She put her arms around her knees and looked over the water. “I think about it a lot. Radical freedom is a big responsibility, and I’m still not used to it.” “You take 20 minutes to pick your morning tea,” Junpei said fondly. He rose and waded over to them, sitting at Akane’s feet because there was no more room on the ledge. “But isn’t it cool to know you can technically do anything, even if it’s unappealing? You never know the good that might come of it.” When neither answered, he added, “Or maybe I’m just talking out my ass.” “It’s terrifying,” Carlos admitted. They both looked at him with concern and surprise. Their rock was not invulnerable. “To know that right now I’m free to do whatever I want. I know how to deal when things are hard. When everything seemed impossible, I had a sense of purpose. I did only what I had to do for others.” He looked between them and held Akane’s hand, and she reached out and took Junpei’s when he offered it. “I wasn’t unhappy per se, but I’m happier now.” He looked at them both but couldn’t hold eye contact when he spoke his next thought. “And I want to go with you. What if I regret it and we can never go back to the way things are?” “Carlos.” Junpei shook his head. “That’s the point—when you can do anything of your own free will, you’re the only one to blame if you hate how it ends. It scares the shit out of everyone.” Carlos shrugged. “Point taken.” “Junpei and I aren’t the same people we were when we got married.” Akane squeezed her husband’s hand and Junpei returned it. “But continuing with the idea of radical freedom, we choose each other every day despite the headaches and fears. Nothing forces us to stay together or break up except ourselves.” She ran her thumb over Carlos’ hand in circles. “And maybe you’re second-guessing because you realize all your insurmountable obstacles are in your head.” Carlos mulled over her words before letting go and getting out of the bath. “You might be right.” He toweled off and sat down in a turquoise Route 66 motel chair and looked back up at the sky. The sunset wasn’t a pleasant distraction anymore even though it was still beautiful. He chose to stay with them for three years. He chose to go on a road trip. He chose to admit that he wanted to live with them. What now?

Junpei and Akane exchanged words in Japanese, muffled by the fountain in the room. He never learned enough to keep up with them, but he was familiar with their habits. If they were speaking it in front of him they were either talking about work, a surprise, or something intimate they could only explain to each other. Suddenly, Junpei got out and helped Akane up. He wrapped a towel around her when she shivered. “We’ve got two in-room baths between us,” he said when Carlos pointed out their 50 minutes weren’t up. They piled into the same bedroom and Junpei and Akane covered him like cats. They went over all the photos they’d taken between them, and idly discussed how they might just come back here next year. Akane had even more sweets delivered and Carlos marveled that she could eat dessert for dinner and still crave a candy bar, a pastry, and a sundae afterward. She held it out of Carlos’ reach when he tried to grab it, and glared when Junpei took it from her and shoved a spoonful in his mouth. They found a monster movie marathon on TV and watched it late into the night. At 2AM, Junpei flopped back on his pillow and nudged Akane away from him with his feet. “I’m exhausted. Go to sleep.” “I’m not tired,” she complained and then crawled over Carlos to bracket him. They both fell asleep before him, leaving him to think in circles again. Of course those two turned his existential crisis into a philosophical discussion that exacerbated it. He looked to Junpei on his left: the one who took the gun from his hand after he killed Delta and never once judged his decision. Who hated phone calls but sat through every late night confession that Carlos couldn’t stop thinking about it. Who taught him how to kiss and hoarded all the pillows when they shared a bed. He looked to Akane on his right: the one who never gave up hope they could find a peaceful solution to the Decision Game. Who never hesitated to turn dinner into a debate and refused to back down unless someone made a good argument against her. Who couldn’t sing but thought she was an idol. Both of them, who admired him for who he was and not just what he did. They reminded him every time they came back to him. They never said the words but always showed that they loved and needed him. Who just might wait for him until he told them to leave. Carlos pictured himself at a crossroads, stepping forward and backward in all possible directions before all the branches merged into a single path. Carlos woke to Junpei shaking him. “Dude, stop talking in your sleep. You’re so loud even I woke up.” Beside him, the bed shifted as Akane sat up. “I was?” “About little green men,” Akane joked, and pushed his hair back from his forehead. “And your past life as a train robber.” “Take a sleeping pill or something.” Junpei slid his legs over the edge of the bed, but Carlos grabbed his elbow and tugged him back so he fell across his chest. “Hey!” He wriggled but Carlos put his arm around him and even Junpei’s strength couldn’t defy a steadfast firefighter. “I guess I was thinking out loud.” Carlos’ throat hurt and he swallowed before continuing. “About radical freedom.” Akane perked up. “Yes?” She was always up for a meandering hypothetical conversation. Junpei resigned himself to his fate of being stuck awake with them and stopped struggling. “I think it’s easier to say I ‘have to’ do something than think about the alternative. I ‘have to’ wait for Maria. I ‘have to’ be a firefighter to still know myself. I’m jealous that it all comes so easily to you two.” “I choose to stay sober during these conversations,” Junpei added. “It’s not an easy choice.” “And I choose not to gag you right now,” Akane said. Carlos pushed through their banter. “So…what if I chose to stay with you two?” He hesitated, but kept going with his mouth running faster than his thoughts. “Staying in Nevada is ideal, or at least in America. Somewhere where Maria is only a few hours away if she needs me. But if I had to I’d go farther away. I actually kinda like traveling. And my job—” “Carlos,” they both interrupted at the same time. Did he sound like a fool? “Who says HQ is in Japan?” Junpei said. “Or that we can’t find a use for say…a fire investigator?” Akane nodded. “Someone with EMT training, too. Or search and rescue? You could still help people.” “Those are options.” There were too many of those all of a sudden, and for a moment he feared he spoke too soon and he couldn’t take anything back without losing them. “Where would we go?” “A home big enough for you and us and my brother.” Akane grabbed his hand and began playing with his fingers, lingering over the ring he hadn’t taken off. “And rabbits.” “I’ve only ever had cats.” “My brother likes cats. And you.” “Really?” “We’ll make him understand you’re there to stay,” Junpei said. “I would be,” Carlos said softly. “I’d need time to quit my job. I can’t just disappear on them.” And then he’d need months, years to mourn what he left behind. That grief and the happiness he imagined with Junpei and Akane could co-exist, but it would take time. “We won’t handcuff you and drag you on a plane today.” Junpei twisted in his grip and Carlos finally let him go so he could roll over and prop himself up on his elbows. “You’re not doing this because you think you ‘have to,’ right?” “Everything is a free choice.” He chucked Junpei under the chin. “This one is messy and complicated, but it’s mine.” He felt the course of his life diverge and one path lock into place like train tracks. No reversing the course, no way of telling his eventual destination. Just the enthusiastic, clumsy kisses they peppered his face with right now, and the hope that someday he’d look back and thank God that he took a dip in the healing waters of Truth or Consequences and finally cleared his mind.

[summerrrluvvv]

Chapter 9: Part 1

Day 8 in Miami: 

Tye:

I turned over in my bed feeling for Samar, but he was not there. “Uhhhh” I groaned. I looked at my phone to angry messages from Samar.

I palmed my face. I got up and started getting ready to go pull up on this crazy ass best friend of mine. I walked out my room and went downstairs. Zion was sitting at the bar reading a magazine and sipping some wine. I looked at my phone it was 2:37 p.m. “You are drinking early, and You still read those?” I said. She sighed. “Well I need a break from wanting to text Kyrell and I needed this drink”. I sat on the bar stool next to her, “What happened last night? I saw you with Kyrel one minute and the next minute you were gone” I asked. She closed the magazine and looked at me to tell me the story. “Well I got drunk and high and my dumb ass picked the wrong time to tell Kyrel we should just be friends, he got mad and left me at the party, so this nigga I met at the party took me home” She said. “You need to text him and make shit right Z” I told her. She shrugged her shoulders, “I really hurt his feeling Tye, he was pissed” She said. “So, text that man, you got time before we leave. You see Ari or Mel?” I asked. She nodded. “They upstairs sleep, Ari got in this morning, and Mel was here when I got home last night” She said. “Last night was crazy for me”. I stressed. “Hey” Ari said as her and Mel walked into the kitchen. “Well now that we all here what the fuck happened to yall last night?” Ari asked. Mel grabbed the liquor at the top of the fridge and took a shot, then grabbed a seat at the table near the bar, since the bar only had two seats, “Well a tiny dick man tried to rape me” I told them. “What?!” They all said. I shook my head. “I know it sounds crazy, but it happened, we were going to fuck no lie but when he dropped the draws nothing was there at all like just a little Vienna sausage. Then he got mad and was like Nah you going to give me some and then Samar busted into the room and told him to leave with his gun, now he mad at me” I rolled my eyes annoyed cause I would have to deal with this nigga soon. Mel was trying not to laugh, “I’m sorry that happened to you Tye, but what could he possibly do”. I shrugged “He was going to do something; he could have an extra piece in his pocket” I said trying to be serious. “Tye, maybe it wasn’t hard yet” Ari said. I looked at her crazy. “Bitch, it was hard, and it look like he put his pinky finger through his jeans” I said getting annoyed. Zion was also trying not to laugh. “Okay I see this is a joke to yall but I was scared this man would have killed me to get it in” I grabbed a shot glass and angrily poured me some liquor. “I’m sorry Tye” Zion said. She got up and hugged me. “Me too” Ari said coming to hug me too, and Mel followed. “Yall get off of me” I playfully said. “Now what happened to  you Ari?, I ain’t see you after Anthony came and got you” Zion said. She groaned “Did anybody pop them pills they gave us at the door?” She asked. Mel raised her hand. “I did” She said. I had to think if I did. “Nah I got one but left it on the kitchen counter” I said. Zion was trying to remember. “Yeah I don’t remember no pills” Ari palmed her face, “Well Anthony and I popped them and then we started feeling frisky, like frisky but you know we ate the edibles and them we was drinking and shit, but we went upstairs and I was like a savage sex demon, and we had sex in like this office or something cause all the rooms were occupied it was like an orgy everywhere but anyways it was bomb as fuck” She said happily. My eyes got big wanting her to rewind back to the orgy part. “Wait orgy?” I asked. She nodded. “Yeah bitches were fucking in rooms it was hell of people getting they freak on, on both levels” She said. Damn it, I should have taken the pill and then made Samar take one I thought to my crazy self. “But that is not all, so then we came back downstairs still Lit, then Marlon dumb ass showed up with Shantelle fucking wilding. Marlon started to fight Anthony then I had to fight Shantelle for getting in my face. We got kicked out then ate food then had sex some more at Anthony’s” She said. “Hold up, so you was fucking saw some orgies then got into a fight with your boo thang then fucked and ate some good food? sounds like a good night for you Ari” Mel laughed. I nodded. “No for real it’s not a lituation if Ari isn’t snapping or popping off” Zion said. I nodded in agreement, Ariana will either yell at somebody or fight somebody it is not a good night if she didn’t do it.. “What happened with you and Z?” Ari asked Mel. “Um Isaac and I had sex in the bathroom at the party, I had took the pill too so I know the feeling, but then Malachi showed up and my dumb ass tried to leave with him so Isaac wouldn’t see him and we got into into then Malachi asked me on a date but I told him I had a lot going on and I let him know and then I went to Isaac Airbnb to explain but he just kept accusing me of fucking Malachi and so we kind of just called it quits” She said looking sad. “Mel just go on the date with Malachi then since Isaac tripping like I aint see him leaving with some bitch” I told her. She looked at me shook. “For real?” She asked. I nodded. “Some thot ass hoe” I told her. She rolled her eyes. “Fuck him” Z said. Ari nodded. “Yeah you weren’t thinking about him when we got here in the first place Mel” I nodded agreeing with her. “That’s true”. “Mel don’t worry, my dumb ass told Kyrel we should be friends now he won’t talk to me”. Mel looked at her with a stank face “Why the fuck would you do that?” She asked. “She got scared” I said getting up ready to leave. “Z you need to text that man, Mel go on your date, Ari keep doing you boo. I got to go see Samar, so I am going to take one of the jeep’s” I said grabbing the keys. I texted Samar letting him know I was on the way.

I pulled up to his Airbnb and parked in the driveway. I grabbed my shit and went to the door and knocked. The door swung open. “Get in here nigga” He said. I rolled my eyes. I walked in and went to his living room he slammed the door. “Bro if you pull I another stunt like you did last night, so help me Tye I will go off on your ass, you are too old to be leaving with complete strangers. That is some hoe shit, and you aint no hoe, what if he killed you huh? Then what my nigga? You got to think bro like use your brain” He stressed. “First of all, Samar you never cared about me and strangers any other time but all of sudden you tripping, look I get it was a bad situation last night but don’t be slut shaming me. I’m a grown ass woman this is my motherfucking body and I can do who and whatever I want just like you, but I don’t try to control You!” I snapped. He came up to me mad. “I didn’t give a fuck before because I didn’t care who you fucked but now I do care and I need you to not fuck any nigga you meet Tye, and yes I’m saying that’s hoe behavior” He said to me. I got up ready to go. “You care now because why?!, why do you care now Samar? You jealous?!” I yelled. He stood looking at me. “Yeah, I am jealous, maybe I don’t like the thought of some rando fucking you, cause you like my sister” He said. I palmed my face. “Your jealous because I’m like your sister make it make sense Samar. Admit that you are attracted to me, and ever since we fucked you cannot stop thinking about me, because things have changed between us”. He sat down on the couch sighing. “What you want me to say Tye? Yes, I feel some things aight but why does that matter”. I braced myself for what I was going to say but I am tired of holding it in. “Samar, I’m in love with you okay. I been in love with you since high school and the night we had sex meant a lot to me even if it was fucking in the kitchen these niggas don’t mean shit to me they just try to replace how I feel, and it hurts when you say you see me as a sister ” I told him. We stood there looking at each other. “I don’t know what to say Tye, I been had these feelings for you too, but I just reminded myself you like my sister and us being best friends is amazing. Like we kick it we can be ourselves and everything but that couple shit complicate things like what if I lose you?” He just kept looking at me. I was feeling a lot of emotions. “So, you are in love with me too?” I asked. He shrugged “Shit I might be so what, fuck it we not going further than this. My feelings will eventually go away” He said. I laughed in disbelief because I finally hear what I want but this nigga cannot commit. “Wow okay Samar well have fun with that, but don’t tell me what to do cause you’re not my man, and you don’t want to be so I can fuck anybody” I said grabbing my keys. I got to the front door when he put his hand on the door. “Samar get the fuck out my way!” I yelled. I turned to look at him and he shook his head. “You not leaving”. I pushed him out the way and he pushed me back almost causing me to fall. He got in front of the door and folded his arms. I just looked at him cause at this point we was about to fight for real. “Move” I said. He looked at me shaking his head. “Nah”. I tried to move him away from the door. He grabbed my arms and backed me up into the wall. Our breathing was intense. He then started kissing me, my lips moved with his. He moved me from the wall and into the nearest room. We fell unto the bed still kissing, “Mmmm” I moaned into the kiss. He got up to take off his shirt, and I started taking off my clothes. Once we were both naked, he started kissing my lips then down to my neck, I did not even want all the sensual shit, baby I was on Go! My thoughts were then interrupted by the sound of his doorbell. Samar got up and looked at me. He put on his pants and his shirt and left the room. “Hey baby” I heard from a female voice. I got up and put on my clothes and fixed my hair. I went into the living room and seen it was a familiar female. Diamond, Samar’s ex-girlfriend.  I rolled my eyes at the sight of her. She ran over to me and hugged me. “Tye, hey girl how have you been?” She asked me. I forced a smile. “Hey” I simply said annoyed as fuck. “What you are doing here Diamond?” I asked confused because they ended on bad terms. “I called Sami last week, and we talked about seeing each other since I was coming down here to DJ for Lit and Wild, so He said I could stay with him and we can catch up” She said hugging all over Samar. Samar looked at me, as I burned a hole in his face with my eyes. “That’s great, well I’ll be going” I said pissed off at this point. “Yo, Tye let me walk you out” He said. I shook my head “Nah, I’m good” I told him, but he followed me out anyways. “Tye, I’m sorry” He said. He grabbed my door before I could close it. I laughed a little thinking he be sorry about inviting Diamond to stay with him. “Of course you are, let me guess it was a mistake and it shouldn’t have happened because I’m like your sister, that’s cool I’m just find me a distraction, while you fuck Diamond” I said. He smirked; I know I struck a nerve. “Yeah, I’m glad you understand” He said slamming my car door. I got out my seat belt so fast and opened the car door. “Fuck you” I said to him. He just closed his house door on me. I got into my car and sped off. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I pulled over into a parking lot and just started bawling. I calmed down after 30 minutes and went to the liquor store because I was going to get fucked up.  

When I pulled up to the house, I seen Mel walking out and an Aston Martin pull up. So, I knew she was going on a date with Malachi. I got out of the car as she was locking the door. “Oh, hey Tye, I’ll be back. Ari and Zion are gone” She told me. I nodded “Okay girl” I said as she went to get in his car. I slick was happy cause I just wanted to get drunk and cry myself to sleep. I turned on the speakers to the house and connected my phone and pressed shuffle. “I’m selfish, I want you all to myself, I swear you don’t need nobody I swear, I want you all to myself because I’m selfish” PNB Rock played.  “How Ironic” I said as I chugged the Dusse’. I normally needed a chaser but fuck it. After 30 minutes, I started to fix me a sandwich because I was feeling the liquor hard. I’m a motherfuckin' train wreck, I don't wanna be too much. But I don't wanna miss your touch. And you don't seem to give a fuck. I don't wanna keep you waiting. But I do just what I have to do” I sang along to “Boyfriend” By Ariana Grande and Social house. “You ain't my boyfriend, And I ain't your girlfriend, But you don't want me to see nobody else, And I don't want you to see nobody”. I jumped at the doorbell ringing. I went to the door drunk, I answered the door, seeing Samar. He was looking high as fuck and holding up a bottle of Henny and a bag of food. “Eww nigga what you want?” I asked. He rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him. “You know you belong right here inside my arms, ooh la la la la la” Tinashe played. “The fuck you doing nigga? Partying without me?” He asked. I held up the Dusse. “Yep, where Diamond?” I asked chugging more of the Dusse. “That’s what we are doing?” He asked. He opened the Henny and started chugging it, like we were in a competition. I grabbed the bag from him to see what it was. I smiled to see he had got me Honey Garlic Wings and tater tots. “For me nigga?” I asked. He smirked and nodded. “I’m sorry about D” He said. He lit a blunt and handed it to me. I smoked and started eating the wings because I had not eaten all day. We smoked and talked and cracked jokes, after awhile my home girl downstairs started to wake up. I was trying to keep it together, but I was about to pounce. “Grab all that shit and come upstairs, I’m sleepy” I lied. He grabbed the liquor and the weed and followed me upstairs. I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth because I just ate, and I then got into the shower to wash up. As I was about to get out, I was then startled by Samar coming into the bathroom and opening up the glass shower door and getting into the shower with me. “Um?” I said looking at him. He once again intensely backed me into the shower wall and started kissing me and grabbing my face. I pulled him towards me as he kissed me with so much passion. He then turned off the water and grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom. I was soaking wet literally I was concerned about getting my bed wet, but he was taking the thought from my mind when he laid me on the bed and continued kissing me like he was earlier from lips down to my chin, till he got to my neck making me hot with anticipation. He then made his way down to my breast and kissed all over each one, his kisses trailed to my stomach down to my pelvic area, he then kissed my thighs and looked at me with so much lust, I let out soft moans and he kissed each thigh slowly not taking his eyes off of me. I bit my lip not being able to take it anymore, I pulled him up to me, and he still did not drop his gaze as he looked felt for the hole, “This it” He said feeling on the wrong hole, I looked at him sideways “No nigga!” I snapped. He smirked at me as he put his dick in slowly, I don’t know why it felt like I was a virgin or like I never had sex with him before but his slow strokes were taking my breath away. We kept eye contact with each other, He kissed my forehead and then down to my lips. This was not fucking; this was love making. “Fire & Desire” by Drake was softly blasting through the house speakers. “But you get real on the pill and I like it, you just like my side kick, I just want to wife and fulfill and your desires, keep you in the front and never in the back and never on the side” Drake sang as Samar strokes intensified. “Tell me you love me” Samar softly said to me as he kissed on my ear, I almost melted into the damn bed feeling every inch of him, I pulled him closer to me. I was trying hard not to moan so loud cause soon the girls would be back but honestly; I did not care. “Tell me” He said again. “I fucking love you”. I told him, he kissed me with so much force, I was confused but turned on and if I was dreaming bitch I did not want to wake up. He started putting his all into every stroke “Samar” I moaned out. Drake faded out and H.E.R “Could’ve Been” started playing. He then got up and singled me to get on top of him, “We could’ve been and we tried to pretend, Every now and again, we don’t dream about don’t think about what we could’ve been” the song played. As I rode him, my eyes were closing as I was almost about to cum all over this man, he softly caressed my breast then up to my neck, he rubbed my face. “Look at me” He demanded sounded sexy as hell. I looked at him as he turned me back over and started going ham on top of me, I can tell by his face he was soon about to cum, and so was I. I let out a moan as I was cumming and He quickly pulled out. “Sorry” He said. This man came all over my sheets. Afterwards we cleaned up and smoked. We did not even talk I knew not to say anything to ruin the moment. 

Part 1 Continued>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[janedemonium]

here I am bitch

fair

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I don;t actually remeber, either my mom or my friend Mandy

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing i guess

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

a lot of people, but i guess largely my friend Evan

4. Are you easy to get along with?

more or less, i like arguing a lot but usually in a fun way

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I’m in between people I like

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People who are nice and fun to talk to

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

unlikely but still possible

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my mom

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

yes if it involves me, otherwise no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my roommate

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I’m starting to actually enjoy beer, help

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

You Only Live Once, The Strokes

No Scrubs, TLC

Rich, Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Intergalactic, the Beastie Boys

Blue, Marina and the Diamonds

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes for luck in the sense that I make my own, no for miracles

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I got paid

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I doubt it

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes but I haven’t taken one in years20. Do you like your neighbors?

yes21. What are you bad habits?

i chew my nails, avoid doing my laundry, and occasionally tell small lies to fuck with people22. Where would you like to travel?

Australia, Hong Kong, or Prague23. Do you have trust issues?

kinda24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

showering25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my back26. What do you do when you wake up?

i lay in bed for a while27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

not really28. Who are you most comfortable around?

myself, alone. maybe my roommate29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

no32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I don’t think I’m cut out for anything but monogamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

msrj34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes37. What do you say during awkward silences?

very little38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

too many teeth, an unsettling aura that I’ve met them before, hazy outline, voice of legion, knows too much39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

big fan of Target, or Amazon if that counts. 40. What do you want to do after high school?

I am an actor.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yes, don’t make it a third, that’s when I run out of mercy42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

white hot anger or extreme embarrassment

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fear of dying having wasted my life, love of new stuff46. What are you paranoid about?

no one really loves me47. Have you ever been high?

yes48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey51. Ever wished you were someone else?

no52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

know how to talk to people53. Favourite makeup brand?

sally hanson54. Favourite store?

see question 3955. Favourite blog?

its-me-goku56. Favourite colour?

red57. Favourite food? 

crab58. Last thing you ate?

pumpkin pie59. First thing you ate this morning?

french onion soup60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yes, best actor61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no62. Been arrested? For what?

no63. Ever been in love? 

yes64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we went and saw Gravity when it was in theaters. we held hands. I asked if I could kiss them. They said yes. We kissed. they tasted like popcorn.65. Are you hungry right now?

no66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

no67. Facebook or Twitter?

no68. Twitter or Tumblr?

no, and i don’t know why I stay on this hellsite69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

mandy, graham, quadry, reed, emily71. Craving something? What?

affection72. What colour are your towels?

white72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

273. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

idk they sit upstairs in a bucket, maybe 30 but i havent looked at them in years75. Favourite animal?

i like narwhals, really into cats, big otter fan76. What colour is your underwear?

black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

lemon cream79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

i’m not80. What colour pants?

i’m not81. Favourite tv show?

big question, right now Nathan for You82. Favourite movie?

Hot Fuzz83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

karen86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory87. First person you talked to today?

My sister88. Last person you talked to today?

my sister89. Name a person you hate?

I don’t hate anyone. maybe Donald Trump90. Name a person you love?

Steve Harrington91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

no92. In a fight with someone?

no93. How many sweatpants do you have?

294. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 5 or 695. Last movie you watched?

Thor Ragnarok96. Favourite actress?

Saoirse Rona97. Favourite actor?

myself98. Do you tan a lot?

no99. Have any pets?

4 cats100. How are you feeling?

ok101. Do you type fast?

not really102. Do you regret anything from your past?

sure103. Can you spell well?

W-E-L-L104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i’ve been to parties that had bonfires, so sure106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah, at summer camp108. What should you be doing?

sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now?

not really110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah111. Do you have trust issues?

not really112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i honestly don’t remember113. What was your childhood nickname?

didn’t have one114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah115. Do you play the Wii?

not recently116. Are you listening to music right now?

no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

no118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes119. Favourite book?

the Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson120. Are you afraid of the dark?

no121. Are you mean?

I try not to be, but sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?

no123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no125. Do you believe in true love?

yes126. Are you currently bored?

no127. What makes you happy?

coffee, card games, good conversation128. Would you change your name?

yes129. What your zodiac sign?

capricorn, ox130. Do you like subway?

the sandwhich shop is edible but rarely if ever my first choice131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

depends on if i like them. if yes then sure132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

see question 10133. Favourite lyrics right now?

The World is a Vampire134. Can you count to one million?

i can but i won’t135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

that i don’t believe the moon exists136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed137. How tall are you?

6′2″138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

October for climate, December for character143. Are you a vegetarian?

no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee146. Was today a good day?

yeah147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

“now is a bad time for making enemies” -Voltaire, on his deathbed being asked to reject the devil149. Do you believe in ghosts?

no150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“They had to hear Bilbo’s account of what happened to him twice over, before they were satisfied”

[junker-town]

Walter McCarty has put Evansville back on the map

Evansville Aces basketball was once a small college powerhouse. Walter McCarty is working on bringing that energy back.

With a little over four minutes left to play, the only fans making noise in Rupp Arena are wearing purple and orange. They have plenty to celebrate: Noah Frederking had just drained a three-point shot to extend the Evansville Aces’ lead against the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats to 61-55.

Evansville has been the better team for the entire game. A small contingent of Evansville faithful made the trip to Lexington, strategically seated in sections 36 and 236, off in the corner of the arena. As the game reaches its climax, those sections are loud enough to overpower the home crowd: “Aces! Aces!”

After Kentucky’s Immanuel Quickley’s missed three-pointer, Keion Brooks Jr. grabs an offensive rebound and lays it in to make it 61-57. But Kentucky isn’t supposed to be satisfied with trimming Evansville’s lead to four. Kids around the arena look worried, and their parents do too, even while trying to act like everything is fine.

With the score at 63-60 and Evansville in possession, the crowd wakes up, desperate for a stop. They’ve been working hard all game to try to get their team back into the contest, a testament to how good Kentucky fans are and how much trouble they’re in.

The Aces’ K.J. Riley goes in for a contested layup, misses, grabs the offensive rebound with two Wildcats over his back, and tips it in to give his team a five-point lead with 1:41 to go. The hopeful Kentucky cheers die down, replaced by a booming roar from the corner of the arena. The noise is both shocking and impressive, coming from such a tiny group of fans. Walter McCarty, Evansville’s coach, claps twice and doesn’t lose composure, immediately looking to the other end of the floor to watch his team play defense. He knows he has the Wildcats right where he wants them.

And now things are starting to feel very real: Evansville might beat No. 1 Kentucky at Rupp Arena.

McCarty, his assistants Bennie Seltzer and Terrence Commodore (better known as T.C.), and his best friend Troy White are eating Mister B’s pizza and wings in the players’ lounge on the University of Evansville campus. Their final practice at home had just wrapped up, and the team takes off for Lexington on Monday. On the TV, the 1-7 Falcons are playing the Saints.

“God dang, he’s slow,” Seltzer says of quarterback Matt Ryan after a scramble. Everybody in the room is laughing.

“I might be able to beat him in a race right now,” McCarty replies.

“Look at Matt Ryan’s face, look at the determination!” Seltzer says after a replay is shown.

Even the ability to gather in the players’ lounge, watch some football and eat in peace is a testament to the work that McCarty has done at Evansville. His players and staff enjoy being at the facility. They can relax there. It’s not rare for players to funnel in and out of his office. Their practice facility is a home for everybody involved with Evansville basketball, and McCarty wouldn’t have it any other way.

The 6’10, salt-and-pepper bearded McCarty was raised on the south side of Evansville, just on the western side of Highway 41, which runs north-south and splits the city in two. He grew up with one brother, two sisters, his mother and a stepdad who came around when he was in early elementary school.

Walter’s mother Joy worked at Eaton Axle in the assembly line across the river in Henderson, Kentucky, and would pick up waitressing at the American Legion or at a bar to make extra money for the family. His stepdad, Steven Lindsey, worked at Alcoa, an aluminum producer, and went to sleep early, having to start work at 4 a.m. When Joy was going into work, Steven was coming home, and vice versa. “[My siblings and I] weren’t alone,” McCarty says. “We were stable. But you know, they weren’t really strict.”

In sixth grade, he met Troy White while at Plaza Park in middle school, an East Side kid. The two bonded over basketball. As they got older, their relationship developed, and now they’re damn near inseparable. McCarty and White aren’t like peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly are like McCarty and White.

”We kind of know how to play off each other,” McCarty says. “You know how they say like twins have a certain connection? It’s not like that, but we’ve been around each other so long, we’re almost the same.”

Basketball started clicking for McCarty at Harrison High School basketball camps. “I went from 6’3 in eighth grade, to the start of my freshman year at 6’7. It was crazy, but at the same time, it started clicking, and that’s when I knew right there, I wanted to play. Then like, when you grow to be 6’10, to me, I was like, ‘Man, this is my way out. I gotta do it. This is my way out.’”

It was. Basketball took McCarty to Lexington and the University of Kentucky, where he won a national championship in 1996 under Rick Pitino. While at Kentucky, McCarty forged a bond with Tony Delk so strong that he describes him as another brother.

“When I think about Kentucky, and I think about Lexington, I think about that brotherhood and the connection we had with each other,” he says. “I don’t think about Kentucky as the basketball mecca; it’s about the brotherhood that we had when we were there. Kentucky’s always had great teams and will continue to have great teams. But it’s about the relationships that I built there.”

”One of his nicknames in college was ‘Mr. Personality,’” White says. McCarty cracks up, adding that the nickname was “given to me by Jamal Mashburn.”

It’s an accurate nickname. When McCarty is in a room, he radiates an energy everybody feeds off. He has a deep voice, booming when it has to be, soft when he sings. He’s good about being kind to everybody, introducing himself to people when he gets a vibe they might be too shy to talk to him. If he senses somebody is having a bad time, he takes it upon himself to fix it.

”He knows how to work with people, he knows how to develop relationships,” White says. “He knows when he develops a relationship, how to maintain it. Never has his success gotten to him in such a way that he has forgotten who he is at his core.”

McCarty was taken by the New York Knicks in the first round of the 1996 NBA Draft, selected 19th overall. White followed McCarty to New York and spent his rookie season with him there. Just two kids from Evansville, taking on New York City.

”To grow up in Evansville, and to be able to have a friend that thinks enough of you to put you in a situation that could ultimately change your life, like,” he pauses, collecting himself, “Those experiences that he’s given me have changed my life. It’s not something I take for granted.”

After enjoying their pizza and wings, plus a surprising Atlanta Falcons’ victory, McCarty, White and Seltzer make their way to Mo’s House, a bar in Evansville’s Haynie’s Corner Arts District owned by Moriah Hobgood, one of the city’s most influential entrepreneurs.

The men enter, and head for the outdoor area that opened in April. It’s a beautiful day, 66 degrees with just a few clouds. McCarty and Seltzer have their cigar boxes, spark a couple, and ask for coffees with bourbon cream. White gets a hot chocolate, because he’s not a drinker.

McCarty pulls out his portable speaker and lets some Babyface play. There are hardly any people at Mo’s right now, but it won’t stay that way for long. For now, McCarty is letting the music ride, and is singing along. Conversation among the three floats all over the place, from college hoops to Lamar Jackson’s latest eye-popping touchdown to Dion Waiters having a panic attack over an edible. At times they let things pass in silence because they have the type of relationship where nothing needs to be said. Everybody is perfectly fine enjoying each other’s physical presence.

This bar is where McCarty wants to be if they beat Kentucky. “We going to come back here and tell Mo, ‘Mo, you’re opening, Mo. We’re going to Mo’s right now, off the bus!’”

As the bar gets busier, a fan comes up to McCarty, shakes his hand, and wishes him luck against Kentucky, but in a way that implied he had no confidence in McCarty’s team.

McCarty ignores the slight and replies, “Yeah, we’ll get ‘em.”

The University of Evansville has a rich basketball history. A small college powerhouse under Arad McCutchan, they routinely beat Division I schools, and even had an undefeated national championship season in 1965. Coached by the man they called “Mac” and powered by legends like Larry Humes and Jerry Sloan, the Aces won five national titles.

When the program moved up to Division I in 1977, a smooth transition seemed likely. There were talented players on the squad, and in Bobby Watson they had a fresh face who looked like a worthy successor to Mac after his retirement.

But on December 13 of that same year, as the team was traveling to play Middle Tennessee State, their plane clipped trees in the Melody Hills neighborhood on Evansville’s north side, and fell into a ravine. All 29 people on board Indiana Air Flight 216 died. More than 40 years later, the accident is still known as “The Night It Rained Tears.”

There’s no telling where Aces basketball would be today had it not been for that tragic night. The program’s most successful coach since the crash has been Jim Crews, who made four NCAA tournaments in 16 years and has a banner hanging in the rafters at the Ford Center, where the Aces play today. That’s fine for a mid-major, but because of the success the school had as a small college program, there’s always been a nagging feeling that Evansville could do better.

The legacy of the plane crash is a generational gap among Aces fans. Most that show up to games nowadays are older than the average college hoops crowd. They’re the ones who remember when the Aces were a must-see. For the past four decades, that hasn’t been the case. Evansville has long had the type of crowds that mostly cheer when a player is subbed out and had a good performance, or when the fight song is playing. But that’s changing.

When McCarty was hired in March 2018, Evansville immediately felt his presence. He is the most important hire that the university has made since Mac called it quits. The university needed a young, energetic, intelligent basketball mind, and now they have one.

McCarty, then an assistant with the Boston Celtics, had interviews with other schools, but Evansville ended up working out perfectly, even when it may not have seemed like it to him. The recruiting process went fast. After a phone interview, Evansville’s athletic director Mark Spencer had a chat with Celtics head coach Brad Stevens. Stevens later told McCarty, “Man, I don’t know what you did, but this guy, he loves you.”

After a second interview, boosters were lined up to call McCarty. McCarty was in New Orleans, with the Celtics set to play the Pelicans.

”I’m waiting on these boosters to call, I’m trying to find the Kentucky game, and go somewhere and smoke a cigar,” McCarty says. “I found a place, turned this game on, and a booster calls me and it goes great. The next booster calls me, and it goes great. The next booster calls, goes great. All I’m thinking is, ‘They hear all this shit in the background, this ain’t the guy.’ Because I’m watching Kentucky basketball, it was just like, ‘I blew that shit, I blew it.’ Not knowing that I did a great job.”

A day later, Spencer hinted to McCarty, “When you come home on your trip, I might not let you leave.”

But despite the reassurance, McCarty didn’t have high hopes. The Celtics were about to go to Portland to start a two-week road trip, so McCarty sent his bags on ahead with the team. He was planning on going to Evansville, doing his interview, and joining the Celtics in Portland afterward.

As Spencer drove McCarty back to his hotel in downtown Evansville with then-senior associate athletic director Lance Wilkerson in the back seat, Spencer showed McCarty just how badly the university wanted him there.

“Mark hands me the contract, and he’s like, ‘I told you I wasn’t going to let you leave. I don’t want you to leave,’” McCarty says. “He was really emotional about it.”

The trio went up to McCarty’s room where he signed the contract and became the eighth head coach in Evansville’s history.

McCarty was an easy choice, not only for the school, but for the assistants who have joined him along the way.

”Everything that our guys are trying to accomplish, our coach has already been through it,” Seltzer says. “So why wouldn’t you listen to him? Why wouldn’t that be a focal point of, ‘Hey man, this guy really knows what he’s talking about’? And I think that really translates to our guys. He’s done it in a way where – you know I’ve coached with guys that curse the kids out, talk shit to them and talk crazy to them. I’ve also coached with guys where once you leave the gym, you’ll never see them. You gotta talk to the secretary to schedule an appointment, that’s crazy. That’s crazy to me. And here, Coach is — he’s accessible as any coach I’ve ever been with and I think our guys appreciate that. That’s different; that hardly happens anywhere.”

The comfort the players have with coming in and out of the coaches’ offices is great, but can be a little much sometimes, as T.C. jokes, “They here so much we gotta run them off sometimes, like, don’t you got something to do?”

McCarty’s personality and energy are consistent, expressed in the culture he’s instilled at Evansville, his style as a basketball player, and his attitude as a head coach.

“I am a true kid that grew up across 41 and didn’t have a whole lot. And, shoot, I never thought in a million years I’d be the head coach at the University of Evansville. I used to pass this university every day, you know? I love sometimes on game days, I’m driving down to the arena, and I’m thinking, ‘Man, I used to go to church there,’ you know what I’m saying? It’s one of those like, ‘Damn. Good shit happens when you work.”

“I wanna be here for a long time,” he says very seriously. “That means we’re kicking ass and doing a good job. I’m here to create a program that’s going to be sustainable for a long time. That’s my goal.”

McCarty’s status as Evansville��s head coach is also significant because he is a black man. Evansville’s history as a city is complicated. Situated in a midwestern state, it also has many southern qualities. The city’s location in southwestern Indiana meant a quick trip across the Ohio River for Kentucky residents, who may not have always been as hospitable towards blacks as northerners.

When McCarty was hired, Evansville lost some big boosters. Was it because he was the university’s first black coach? “From hearing from other people in this program,” he says, “I felt that way.”

But he hasn’t let the defections faze him.

”I thought about this, coming here and being the first African-American head coach at this university. Our people here in Evansville, especially people of color — what leaders do they see, other than a parent, a pastor, or an insurance guy or something? There’s not a lot of people they can look up around and be like, ‘He’s really doing his job to bring his community together and people can look up to him.’ I gotta own that, and I got to make sure I do good by that.”

He’s not worried about the lost boosters. “Just like music, sports — those are things that bring people together, right? We’ll get ‘em back. We’ll get ‘em back. We win, we do the right thing, they’ll come back. They’ll come back. That’s what we’re betting on – building the right program, building this culture.

“If you’re an Aces fan, you love basketball, we’re going to win you back.”

White comes in through the side door around 11 a.m., just in time for practice. His arrival is timed perfectly: McCarty is making his way down the hallway right where he’s entering.

“You guys got film?” White asks.

“Yeahhh, man,” McCarty drags out in response.

White knows the drill, and goes to the practice court while the team looks over film of the Wildcats in the players lounge. Nobody is intimidated by the thought of playing against the country’s top team.

“After I got the job, I saw [John Calipari] somewhere. He comes up to me and just says, ‘Man, tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything for you, but I’m not coming to Evansville,’” McCarty says. “So I said, ‘Let’s get a game.’ He didn’t even hesitate, he’s like, ‘Let’s do it.’ And it got done.”

Film ends at 11:50 and the Aces are coming out onto the floor. Sam Cunliffe is the first one out and comes to White’s end of the court. He says something to White, who laughs and responds, “Get focused, get focused.” A couple of other players join in as the team is warming up with stretches from the baseline to half-court. White also encourages them to focus, and they do, because they respect him as much as anybody else in the building.

The pace picks up when McCarty comes out a couple minutes later decked in a gray Nike sweatsuit, a teal Jordan Brand T-shirt and some Air Jordan 3s in the Knicks’ colorway. He turns on “6 Man” by Drake, the music soon accompanied by the frenzied squeaking of sneakers on the basketball floor.

The practice court has changed since McCarty was hired. There are now banners on both ends of the gym, one with pictures of current players and the other bearing the names of Evansville Aces legends. The championship banners that once hung on the far side of the gym have been replaced by “EVERY POSSESSION MATTERS.” On the other end: “PLAY WITH A PURPOSE.”

Seltzer and T.C. walk over and start making conversation with White about the Aces win against Ball State the night before. White wasn’t able to make it because he was in Louisville at an Anthony Hamilton concert.

“I saw the score at half and I said, ‘Oh shit, they must be playing today!’” Troy tells them with a laugh.

And they were playing. Evansville jumped out to a 40-18 halftime lead, but nearly surrendered it, ultimately winning 79-75. Today, the coaches are going to try to iron things out, because a second half like that won’t fly against Kentucky. Seltzer and T.C. work their way over towards the team, which is done stretching and ready to get to work. They’re also joined by assistant coach Logan Baumann, who has been at half-court with Isaac McGlone, the director of basketball operations for the team.

Baumann takes the Aces through a play, giving very specific instructions not just on where to be, but the angle they should take, hand placement, everything. Baumann was a part of Louisville’s 2013 national championship winning team, and by the way he handles the Aces players you can tell he’s going to be a Power 5 head coach one day. On the floor, he’s a spitting image of a top-level coach, serious and meticulous.

Baumann seems pleased with how the guys are responding to what he’s telling them, and says, “If we can get this right, we’re going to be in good shape,” which was the overarching message of the practice. They know they can win the game. McCarty adds encouragement.

“After that, it’s just about effort plays. Who wants it?”

“If you do what we tell you to do, you will make baskets.”

McCarty’s coaching style is all about trusting his players. He puts them in the right spot and gives them the tools to succeed, and then it’s up to them. He’s taken bits and pieces from the men he’s worked under, but he’s his own guy.

He learned Xs and Os from playing all five positions throughout his career. Having learned the basics as a player, once he became a coach it was mostly about fine-tuning. “For me, I’ve always made it a point to figure out and ask, ‘Well why are you successful?’ Whether it was with Coach P (Rick Pitino), Mike D’Antoni, Jeff Van Gundy, Mike Dunleavy, Jim O’Brien, Brad Stevens, I’ve always done that.”

McCarty is confident in his players, and confident in himself too. He has to be. “In practice sometimes, I may go off script,” he says. “I’ll be like, ‘OK, board,’ and just start working. So I have that command and attention, but that confidence in the game for whatever I’m doing. Because if there’s any hesitation, if there’s any sign that you don’t believe it or whatever, shit, they see it. And then it really ain’t gonna work.

”I tell my guys, ‘Go make the right play. Just go have fun, go make the right play.’ We’re starting to build that confidence. What you’re doing is you’re letting them know that you trust them, but what you get out of it is, they’re going to run through a wall for you.”

That confidence and calm was still present as the team prepared to go to Lexington. On a cold and drizzly day in Evansville, it was business as usual for the Aces. Popeyes three-pieces awaited the team on the bus, though some players opted to go to the student center across the street and grab some Chick-fil-A.

McCarty was the last one on the bus, and looked like he had just walked out of his barber’s chair. McCarty knows when you look good, typically you do good: there’s an invincible feeling that comes with a fresh cut. He put off his haircut just so he would look his best for his return to Lexington.

The next morning, the team is at shootaround at Rupp Arena around 11 a.m. The guys are warming up, and McCarty is looking up into the rafters, where Kentucky’s old-timey banners hang displaying Final Four appearances, runners-up and national championships. He says, “It’s a great day to be a Purple Ace.”

The warmup line gets down to the baseline where he’s standing, and he says, “You see that?” to a couple of Aces, pointing to the 1996 championship banner. “I did that.” The players get a kick out of it, and keep on going about their business.

The team is doing one last walkthrough of what to expect later on in the evening, and players and coaches remain focused and detailed. When going through a play, McCarty tells his team, “You gotta ask yourself, ‘What can I do for my teammates?’” he says. “You guys are going to have open shots all night.”

After they break the final huddle concluding practice, the team sits on the bench they will occupy later that night. They are still very loose for a mid-major walking into an environment like this. Kentucky has a 39-game win streak as an AP No. 1 team at home against non-conference opponents, and the empty arena has an ominous feeling to it.

Then, redshirt sophomore DeAndre Williams gets loud.

“Great day to be a Purple Ace!” he yells. He begins to clap, and clap hard. “Give me that shit, coach! Great day to be a Purple Ace!”

Evansville’s Shamar Givance brings the ball down the floor with less than a minute to go. Kentucky’s Tyrese Maxey is sliding down the court with him step by step. With a late, tight lead, McCarty makes his guys slow things down. Clock is burning. His guys are calm, and they can focus on executing, which is exactly what he stresses in practice. They’re prepared for this moment, and they know it.

After a handful of dribbles at the logo, Givance gets the ball to K.J. Riley, who drives and kicks the ball out to a wide open Noah Frederking. Evansville’s bench rises at the same time Frederking’s shot does, and you could feel the soul draining out of Big Blue Nation as the ball hung in the air. If the shot goes in, the game is done.

It doesn’t, and the Wildcats get a quick two on the other end thanks to Immanuel Quickley. There are 44.5 seconds left, and going from the near-dagger to a quick Kentucky basket could have spelled doom for the Aces. Had Frederking hit that shot, Kentucky fans would be walking back to their cars. Instead, the Wildcats have life.

Evansville drains some clock on the next possession, but aren’t able to get a shot off, and a shot clock violation is called. With 13.7 seconds left, Kentucky opts a quick two-pointer rather than a three, sending Maxey on a drive to the basket, to make it a 65-64 game with eight seconds remaining.

Everybody at Rupp Arena is on their feet. Evansville has been the better-coached team up to this point, and their players have played harder. The 25-point underdogs just need to be better than No. 1 Kentucky for eight more seconds and they will have pulled off the biggest win in program history.

Sam Cunliffe is fouled after an inbounds pass, and calmly walks to the free-throw line. He gives all his teammates five on his way to the stripe. At the line, Cunliffe gets the ball from the referee, takes a quick dribble, and wastes no time putting the basketball through the net. It silences the Rupp Arena crowd quickly, before it can even reach peak volume. He does the same on the second free throw. The Aces lead, 67-64.

Kentucky’s Nate Sestina inbounds the ball to Maxey, who dribbles quickly down the Rupp Arena logo painted on the side of the court. He pulls up just to the side of the bottom of the K on the UK logo at mid-court while Evansville’s Artur Labinowitz carefully contests the shot, avoiding giving Kentucky three foul shots. The high arching shot falls short, and Riley dribbles the ball to safety. McCarty, cool as ever, walks down the court to shake hands with John Calipari and the Wildcats.

The Evansville Aces, under former Kentucky national champion Walter McCarty, have gone into Lexington and beat the Wildcats on their home court.

The elevator going down to the floor level is mostly Kentucky fans with mostly unhappy faces. But one older lady clutches her purse and says, “So Walter came into Rupp Arena and beat ‘em!? Look at that!”

Just inside the tunnel is White, who is jumping up and down, beside himself with excitement. “You come in this motherfucker and win!?” he yells. “That is fucking amazing!”

“I got to call my mom,” he says, pacing and jumping. “I got to call my mom.” He calls her. “Mama! I don’t know if you were watching the game, but Walter just beat Kentucky. Just beat them at Kentucky, Mom! They just beat Kentucky at home, Ma! Oh, my gosh!” He’s still jumping while on the phone.

Tony Delk makes his way into the tunnel and jokes with White, “Get off the phone, man! Get off the phone!” They exchange dap, and share an almost violent hug.

After doing his interviews on the court, McCarty is escorted to the locker room by Isaac McGlone and sports information director Bob Pristash. He daps up and hugs Delk, and starts to walk into the locker room, before seeing White. The two share a big hug, and as McCarty starts to walk away he turns around, leans forward a bit, and says, “What I tell you? I told you we was gon’ get ‘em.”

As soon as McCarty walks into the locker room, he’s showered with water from re-filled Gatorade bottles. He collects as many of his players as he can in his long arms, and hugs them with all his might. The white-and-blue checkered tile in the locker room is soaked, and it’s dangerous, but it doesn’t matter right now. Nothing matters. Evansville beat Kentucky.

The calm and discipline that led them into the game is long gone.

”We fuckin’ beat Kentucky! We fuckin’ beat Kentucky!”

”I’mma call you back!”

”A bunch, a bunch of notifications.”

”The best thing that happened to me since I come here.”

”I can’t even deal with it right now!”

”Is there a towel back there? Or all they all wet?”

”We’re probably trending No. 1.”

”We’re the No. 1 topic in the country on Twitter.”

”Who puts fuckin’ tile on the goddamn floor?”

McCarty’s first order of business is the press conference. He changes into an all-black team-issued sweatsuit. While he’s addressing the media, he lifts his hand to scratch his face, and the blue gems from his 1996 national championship ring seem to shine in the light with little more color than usual.

McCarty then goes out to greet the Evansville fans who stuck around. One of them waiting for him is Mo. They share a hug, and she agrees to open up the House when everyone gets back to Evansville late that same night.

He greets the others who have waited for him, a mix of Evansville fans and Kentucky fans who wanted to congratulate one of their own. He takes pictures, gives dap, squeezes out hugs, and signs autographs. One fan is standing in the bleachers just yelling, “I LOVE WALTAH!” over and over.

But McCarty’s just getting started with what’s about to be an overwhelming amount of media requests. He heads to the coaches’ locker room with Evansville’s sports information director Bob Pristash and director of media relations Michael Robertson. McCarty is seated in the corner locker, and finally has a chance to look at his phone.

The first person he calls is his wife Erin. Before he gets off the phone with her, he’s led to believe that he’s about to do the first of many national media appearances. Technical difficulties buy him some time, so he makes another quick call, then says to me, “Watch this.”

McCarty dials back a number, the tone rings a few times, and all of a sudden, somebody is yelling, “You bad motherfucker!”

It’s Patrick Ewing.

“Beast! What’s up, baby!?” McCarty replies with joy and laughter.

“I’m so fucking proud of you, boy!” Ewing yells back.

After hanging up with Ewing, McCarty turns his phone to me, showing off his 284 unread text messages. By the time his SportsCenter interview with Stan Verrett is over and he gets on the bus to go back to Evansville, there are 304.

”How stupid is that?” he says with a laugh that’s heavily coated with disbelief, “I really gotta go through that? I don’t even wanna do that!”

When McCarty finally steps onto the bus, and starts an impromptu speech with, “I thought we could do it. I knew we could do it. But when you do it.”

”Guys, we are the No. 1 trend in the world right now,” he continues. “Evansville’s the No. 1 trend right now in the world! Shit’s going crazy right now! Hey, we gotta keep building on this, man. Keep building! I know I say it all the time, we got enough guys. If we just play connected, man, we can do anything.”

Anything seems possible in the unreal moments after the game. On the bus, everybody buries themselves in their phones, absorbed by all the attention being thrown their way.

At one point, Charles Barkley calls to congratulate the team, so McCarty put him on speakerphone and walks towards the middle and back of the bus. Barkley tells them to enjoy the win but to get back to work. Once he gets off the phone, DeAndre Williams cracks, “Can we talk to LeBron now?!”

The coaches spend the rest of the bus ride reflecting, a perhaps-futile attempt to absorb the magnitude of what just happened. “Only time I’ve ever felt like that was when we won it all,” Baumann says, seated behind McCarty at the front of the bus. “That was crazy.”

Seltzer, who is across the aisle from McCarty, pulls up an old photo of himself while he was an assistant at Indiana. His hands are raised, and he’s running towards the court, and you can see a leg with blue and white shorts, socks, and shoes on. The picture was taken when Christian Watford and the Hoosiers sank No. 1 Kentucky in Bloomington in 2011.

Baumann tells McCarty that he just got word of a group of about 200 or 300 students waiting for the team outside the Carson Center, and that a pep rally is going to be held the next day to celebrate.

McCarty is incredulous, but Seltzer replies, “When you do something that’s never been done, you gotta do something that’s never done.”

The team is almost back to Evansville, and by now the bus is mostly quiet. McCarty looks up from his phone and shakes his head, smiling and laughing.

“Did we just do that?” he says. “That’s fucking crazy.”

[ayatimascd]

i was tagged by the wonderful @morgannbethh ! thanks gal ❤ Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 people you would like to know better. 1. Name: Ayatimas 2. Nicknames: boy, this is gonna be long. Aya, Ayita, Ayatimitas, Ayamami, Gelatina (yes, like gelatin but in Spanish), Mafalda, Maria, Carlota (all three of them are used by my mother because even through she gave me one hell of a name she cant bother to use it), Aitami, Aitana and Tindaya. Now, most of them are a variation of my real name but others are completely different and real name that had the bad luck to be aboriginal names just like mine so people mess them up. It's funny how my name changes completely depending on who I am talking to, really. 3. Zodiac Sign: Gemini 4. Height: 5′7 5. Orientation: Straight 6. Ethnicity: Canary Islands, man. It's hard to determine, but I'm white as hell at least my skin is. 7. Favorite Fruit: Green apples! 8. Favorite Season: Give me that winter cold and I'll die happy 9. Favorite Book Series: Tolkien works all day every day!

10. Favorite Flower: cherry blossoms 11. Favorite Scent: It's between vanilla and wild berries 12. Favorite Animal: DOGGOS 13. Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: tea 14. Average Sleep Hours: hahahahahaah... yeah sleep? What's that? Is it edible? 15. Favorite Fictional Characters: Susie Salmon, Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, Luthien and Kylo. 16. Number of Blankets You Sleep With: in winter with a sheet and a blanket, in summer just a thin sheet. 17. Dream Trip: going all through the UK and Ireland. 18. Blog Created: Long ago, when the world was enfurged by the darkness... (I just don't remember) 19. Number of Followers: 22 20. Birth Order: Older sister to a stinky teen boy

Tags: so, basically everybody has been tagged so I'm going with

@roguevone @alexisslittleshorts @heilith