#and that was 60 pounds ago lol

[blushy-tigerrr]

story time with tiger!

so, as you know from my post earlier, i was blessed to be able to spend the past six days with @applesyaboi :3 it has truly been the time of my life getting to hang out with this lovely human for so long, and as i’m writing this post while waiting in the airport to fly back home, i already miss him so much.

the whole story is under the cut if you’re interested in reading, but before we get into that, we did make content :3 but i will be waiting to share them as a celebration for reaching 400 followers as i am only 10 away from that amazing milestone!

anyway, here’s the story <3

let’s start at the beginning: may 30th. apples and i had been chatting and becoming very close friends for about a month when we really started talking about the idea of us meeting up and spending some time together. we had talked about it in a hypothetical sense a bunch, but this was when the actual planning happened. we both determined that august would be the best month, and we then decided on august 8th-13th! it worked out really nicely with my job and him moving into his own apartment a little bit before then. shortly after that, i bought my ticket on june 8th.

and then the waiting began.

let me tell you, that was the roughest part, second only to having to leave today. i went through some really tough stuff during that waiting period, and apples was constantly there as a support system for me through anything and everything. that made me all the more excited to get to see him and thank him in person for how much he had done for me.

after a very long 60 days of waiting, the day finally came. i got to the airport ridiculously early in the morning and boarded my plane with little issue. luckily for me, apples was awake when i was on the plane waiting to take off, so we got to chat for a little the morning of! and it was mostly just “AHHH OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING!!!” messages hehe

once my plane landed, i got my bag and waited at the exit for him to pick me up. once i saw his car pull up, my heart dropped in the best way. when i saw his face through the car window, my heart started pounding and i almost was scared to move, but this silly goose made a little beckoning motion to me and i broke out of that easily. when we hugged for the first time, i felt all of my stress melt out of my body completely. he gives some of the best hugs ever <3 and that was just the first of many

we were both a little nervous still on our drive to his place, but the nerves dissipated pretty quickly. we got to his apartment, i got to meet his cat, and then we laid down to snuggle for a bit. we were snuggled with the intent on taking a nap, but i’m sure no one is surprised to know that’s not what happened right away. he had his hand on my side and asked if i minded if he tickled me a little bit, and i told him i didn’t mind of course. he was so sweet and gentle and showered me with compliments the entire time. he’s very good at making me feel beautiful and loved and also very good at tickling oh my god he’s so teasy and constantly got me so flustered

then, because i’m a switchy little shit, i asked him the same question. he said it was okay, and guys. for as teasy of a ler as apples is, he is also soooo ticklish!! he’s super squirmy and flinchy, and his giggles are some of the cutest that i’ve ever heard <3 he told me a while ago he had never been tickled before, so i did my best to be very gentle and careful with not pushing it too far by checking in and making sure he was still having fun and was okay. he did the very same thing for me, and i greatly appreciated it.

we also tried out a few tools while i was there! none of them worked on him (scam) except for the pursonic, but that only worked in one spot for him. for me, though? that thing is the devil. it tickles so badly in just about every spot you can think of. i think apples is just broken lol <3 we also tried feathers and makeup brushes which were suuuuper effective on spots like my ears and neck and behind the knee (mean), but all of that was incredibly fun!

of course, that’s not all we did in those six days although it was majority. we also went out for food a few times, went to a sports game, and went on multiple walks around the area. however, i think the only thing we may have done more than tickle each other was snuggle together. and that? was so nice. like i said before, he made me feel so comfortable so quickly, and because of that, we were able to be so snuggly the entire time which i know we were both very grateful for.

as i’m sitting at my gate writing this all out, it’s really sinking in how much fun this all was for me and how lovely it was to have a break from regular life for a while. it was definitely very needed for both of us. apples, thank you so so much for having me these past six days. you’ve truly made me happier and more relaxed than i’ve been in an incredibly long time. it’s been so lovely to get to laugh with you and snuggle with you and just be around you for this time. thank you for being so sweet and loving and kind and understanding, and thank you for being one of the best friends that i have ever had in my entire life. i love you so so much /p <3

[vellaphoria]

for the ask game… 30?

(also I know this isn’t on the list but is there any WIP you’re super excited about?)

Thanks for the ask! (and for the freeform question giving me the opportunity to rant about my WIPs! <3 ) 30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? I have a different answer for this one here, but I wrote a second answer since it occurred to me a bit earlier lol The most surprising thing was that in the middle of writing a DickTim oneshot, some random implied BruDick UST got in there somehow?? Which was surprising because I've never written brudick and don't generally read it. But the fic is going to do what the fic is going to do, I suppose 😂 Is there any WIP you’re super excited about? Absolutely!! One that I've been actively stopping myself from publishing parts of is the slowburn DickTim fic that I'm working on. It started as a oneshot of the two of them being stuck in a snowstorm together post Red Robin and having to work their shit out (and there was only one bed lol). Then it became a 5 + 1 of times they had shared beds. Aaaaand then it became a slowburn covering the arc of their relationship from A Lonely Place of Dying to post-RR. It's completely gone off the rails lol. The exact number keeps changing, but this thing currently has 60 planned chapters. I've written 65k words of it and it's probably not even a quarter done. But!! As I've been writing, I've also been re-visiting post-crisis comics with the two of them in it, which is fun since I haven't really taken the time to do that chronologically before. Excerpt from Chapter 2:

For the hundredth time that night, Dick looks at the last picture ever taken of him and his parents. It had arrived at the manor a week after he’d been moved in, sent in the mail by the couple who’d asked to have it taken. The edges are a bit worn, but he’s kept it out of the light and done everything he could to make sure that the colors don’t fade.

What would they want him to do?

He’s been turning that question over in his mind for hours now and he still isn’t sure. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be sure…

They’d always told him that kids didn’t really run away to the circus anymore, but on the off-chance that one did, then the best thing to do was to be kind. Anyone running away like that was dealing with something serious in their life, and it was the right thing to do to try and find a way to help.

He can’t help but laugh a little, under his breath. From hypothetical runaway kids to whatever animals wandered through Haly’s looking for food and shelter, his parents had always had a soft spot for strays.

Not that this kid counts as a stray, exactly. Or that he ran away to join the circus.

Honestly it would be easier if he had.

The windows are a bit grimy from everyone who’s used this trailer over the years, but faint moonlight still shines through. Just enough of it to illuminate the rise and fall of the blankets on Dick’s bed.

A few days ago, he’d expected to spend most of his weekend helping out around Haly’s and prepping for the Saturday and Sunday night shows. Being ambushed by an over-eager kid from Gotham who looks like he weighs about ninety pounds soaking wet hadn’t been anywhere near his radar.

If he was in the Manor, he could have just relegated the kid to one of the many guest rooms. But if he was in the Manor, then the kid wouldn’t have felt the need to come looking for him, would he?

He sighs, letting his head fall back against the chair that he’d squeezed into the too-small space of the trailer. He tries not to wish Roy were here to offer him the strongest drink he could scare up.

On the bed, the kid shifts in his sleep, turning over. His face holds nothing of the frantic, intense expression he’d first come to Dick with, asking him to go back to Gotham.

And talk to Bruce. And be Robin again.

As if he hadn’t left that all behind him for good reasons.

As if Bruce hadn’t been very clear that he doesn’t need or want a partner ever again.

Maybe the kid would be less keen on the idea of Dick going back if he told him that Bruce erased every last trace of the last Robin from the Manor and Cave. Or if he told the kid that the large, dark bruise on his face was from Bruce’s fist. Then again… maybe he already knows? The little stalker broke into Dick’s apartment and rifled through his memories of better times. Despite being a teenager with no apparent training outside of what are probably judo lessons, he managed to take clear, distressingly up-close pictures of the goddamn Batman. He outright admitted that he knows who they are.

Dick’s not sure what to do about that. Anyone who knows their identities is a risk. And yet, this kid was able to figure it out… admittedly through means that wouldn’t be apparent to anyone who wasn’t as weirdly obsessed with his civilian persona as this kid seems to be. Even so, it’s dangerous to have people out there who know. What’s stopping some villain from snatching the kid off the street and making him talk?

He closes his eyes, one hand rubbing circles against his temple as he tries to will away the oncoming headache.

That’s reason enough to bring him to Bruce for questioning, even if he wasn’t right about Bruce going off the deep end. Even if every step Dick has taken to try and stop Bruce from spiraling has been rebuffed. Sometimes violently.

When his eyes open again, the kid is staring back at him. His blue irises are even harder to miss in the moonlight.

“I… um. Are you sure you don’t want the bed?” he asks. “I don’t mind sleeping in the chair…”

It’s not the first time tonight Dick has wondered if he should have just driven them directly to Gotham, despite the setting sun and the likelihood of catching Bruce in the volatile post-patrol fugue that has become all too common with the man these days.

“No, it’s fine,” he says. “I don’t sleep much anyway.”

The kid’s eyes get a little wider. A little brighter.

“Because of N-”

“Yes,” Dick says, cutting him off a bit more sharply than he intended.

If the kid notices, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he nods solemnly, as if Dick had just confirmed every suspicion he ever had about the way the world works.

His eyes are still wide though. Dick remembers them being the first thing he clocked about the kid. Blue eyes. Lighter than his, but darker than Bruce’s. More of a grey-blue, compared to the near-teal that Jason’s had been.

Blue eyes. Black hair. Asking about Batman.

The kid’s a walking bad omen. And Dick doesn’t need to be a detective to see the pattern here. If he brings this kid to Bruce and they actually manage to get him out of his funk, then…

“Hey, kid,” he says.

“Tim,” the kid says back to him. He doesn’t look particularly put out by Dick not remembering his name.

“Okay, Tim. Where are your parents?”

Tim blinks at him. “Somewhere in the Gobi Desert. Or, they were there last week, at least.”

Dick is so distracted by the fact that the kid has living parents, and thus no need for a new guardian, that it takes him a moment to register what the kid actually said.

“Wait, if they’re in the Gobi Desert…”

“I’m in boarding school,” Tim volunteers. “We’re on break right now, so I was able to sneak out.”

“And come… here?”

Tim nods.

“Because someone had to tell you that Ba-” he jumps at Dick narrowing his eyes, “that Bruce has been getting worse. He needs help. He needs Robin.”

As if Dick doesn’t know. Then again, maybe his inaction looks like ignorance to this kid who traveled to another state at the drop of a hat to help someone he met once as a toddler. He’s not sure if the kid’s rose-colored glasses are because of his age or because he doesn’t know Bruce personally. Or, more likely, both.

“That doesn’t change anything,” he says. “I can’t be Robin again.”

Tim stares back at him guilelessly. “Why not?”

Now that’s a question.

“You think I’d still fit in those scaly panties?” Dick says, smiling humorlessly and side-stepping anything resembling a real answer.

Tim flushes. “Um… no. I guess not.”

“Exactly.”

“But… someone has to do something.”

“I’m going to do something, but it has nothing to do with being Robin.” Dick says. “I’m going to try to talk him down. Again. If even people outside the community are starting to notice Bruce’s… coping mechanisms, then we’ve got a problem. Hopefully he’ll be able to see that.”

Tim smiles, though just a little.

“Thank you,” he says, as if Dick is doing him a personal favor.

Part of him wants to tell the kid not to get his hopes up. But… he’ll know soon enough. And far be it from Dick to crush what little optimism the kid’s likely to have about the situation.

[littlemarianah]

Is there only one part to the Everlark wrestling

Actually there is. I wrote it some time ago and it's just a draft, most of it is just dialogue . It's a little poorly written. I'll share it just for fun.

Reading this again after so long just sounds like one of my Peeta Mellark wet dreams lol Life is about writing your fantasies with your comfort characters

"Try to get off your back "

“Oh, what an idiot you are."

“You said you wanted me to teach you. Come on, try it.”

“You know I can't do it."

“Try it.” Peeta said.

I lift my hips with all the strength I have, until my back is off the mattress. Peeta keeps holding me. I can't do anything more than a failed attempt to get up.

"That's it! You got it. Now roll onto your belly.” Peeta says with a smile.

He still hugs me so tightly, it's impossible. The harder I try, the harder he holds me. I push as hard as I can, trying to get his arms away from my waist until I start to grunt. My strength is of no use, he locks my right leg with his, blocking any attempt to roll over.

I'm able to lift one of my shoulders off the bed, but not do a full turn. I feel Peeta loosen up and free my leg. I manage to roll onto my stomach, but my right arm is pinned beneath my body and my left is held by Peeta's hands against the mattress. I don't have any mobility.

“You helped me." I say breathlessly. “You did well ." Peeta says. His mouth is on my ear, I can feel his smile. "You're strong, but I'm 60 pounds heavier than you. There's no way you can win. That's why they separate us by weight in wrestling. Do you want to stop?”

He is happy when he is winning.

"No.” I mumble. “Teach me how to get out of this situation."

“It's really bad for you. You have no control over your arms to stand. Just try not to let me turn you on your back again”

Then he pulls me, not only with his arms, but also with his legs. I try my hard to stay as I am, but not even the position is in my favor. He can do it without much effort. We're both panting when he lays on top of me again. He's between my legs this time. Peeta holds one of my arms against the mattress.

“This doesn't look like wrestling." I say.

“I wish it is like this." he smiles.

"with those sweaty boys at your college?"

“No, with you"

“but we're not wrestling"

“Yeah, we're not, this is much hotter."

“Just for you who is controlling me.”

“Ah, Don't you want me to do it? Don't you like it when I hold you like this and do whatever I want to do?

“I feel weak."

Thank you very much for the ask @leah-hutcherson

[thranduilofsmirkwood]

I know I post about Peanut, my cat, but I have 2 other cats and a dog. The cats are Ozzie and Pudding and my pup was Frog.

Frog was born in my house almost 11 years ago. Sweet, patient, raised and bullied by 2 generations of cats lol. It was so funny to see his 60 pound ass being deferential to a 5 pound cat. He had heart, but no sense. He could never be outside alone. He would take off thru the woods and cross the county road to my niece's house to play with his doggie cousins. We had to walk him on a lead.

Yesterday, he got out. Way faster than me or my grandson, he took off to see his cousins. He was struck and killed by a log truck. It's my fault for being momentarily distracted, I wish I could go back and make sure the door/gate was secured.

Our hearts are broken.

Might be awhile before I make memes, but I will be back, and I love yall.

[raidante]

As soon as I finished my ask I saw you went to the hospital, Idk what happened but sincerely hope you're doing better now

I am!! Honestly if anyone wants to know it was honestly a really weird out of pocket thing. I'm a disabled person, who suffers from scoliosis and arthiritis and other physical defencicies because genetics and idk, I'm just the unlucky one of my family (immune disorders and bone issues also run in my family).

I already had a struggle at the beginning of August where my muscles became extremely inflammed for no apparent reason (at the time my doctor hypothosized it was perhaps the beginning of an immune disorder forming as a reaction to me getting sick the week prior to it) and it rendered me more or less paralyzed. My limbs were weak, my legs were weak, my entire back was too weak to support my body. I couldn't walk, I could barely stand, and I could not get up if I sat down. I couldn't even open a ziplock back because my hamstrings were just Not responding (I could not bend my arms and grip things). But after 2 days of rest it slowly loosened up and I was like okay. weird. scary. lets hope this doesn't happen again? (also it made me take a week off work and I was paid in pennies for that, so financially it was even a worse issue LOL).

but a month later (2 weeks ago from now), it happened AGAIN. My original choice of action was like ok. I guess Ill try sleeping this off again too. But i ended up falling really hard on my side the next day getting up so I couldn't do anything; even crawling was extremely painful. Called my dad, whos like in his 60s and im over 200 pounds so he couldn't lift me and it ended with me calling the paramedics and getting lifted to the hospital and I was wheelchair bound as they took my vitals and it turns out I was lethally low on potassium which meant my body was paralyzed and if I tried sleeping it off I would have passed away in my sleep bc my heart would have slowed down until it stopped!!! so... a good thing I ended up falling? Otherwise I would have died later that night.

They kept me overnight on ivs to get my potassium back up to par and it hasnt really dipped since then. The weird thing is it was spontaneous; nothing in my diet and in my habits besides like...mental stress (work cut the budget so I literally havent had a shift in a month since today and have been living off my life savings and friends' donations to help me stay afloat w rent.,..its Bad. Ive been trying to get disability stuff filled but they make it REALLY TOUGH even when you are disabled like I am) but that isn't even enough of a factor for such a lethal drop. They said it appeared to be a slow gradual drop in potassium too instead of like a quick sudden one, which was why I was slowly going paralyzed over the course of a few days rather than just it happening suddenly (and if it dropped suddenly I'd have had a heart attack and died, so). Went to my PCP, he has no idea. Got so much blood drawn these past few weeks I now have a permanent needle and discoloration scar from where the IV drip was, lol, and I JUST scheduled with a kidney doctor since potassium is processed through kidneys, so...maybe Ill get an answer. Desperately searching google and the only real thing that comes up is this very rare like 1% disease that just is your body slowly begins to struggle processing potassium on its own and usually medications fix that... but idk how I'd even have that since nothing like that runs in my family.

Needless to say it was very weird, very frightening, and most of all financially FRUSTRATING. My insurance covered everything bc im extremely broke, but not working at all for like a month straight on top of it has absolutely devastated me and sapped out all my creativity</3 THAT SAID! I am trying to stir myself to draw again!!!!! I have ideas!!!!! i wanna DRAW! WRITE! Its just a matter of..getting myself to do it. And also there's a league of legends event so Ive been grinding out the battlepass since Ive been on standby for work shifts for a fucking month, lol.

also as for the cat!! Kitty i kept for 2 weeks and my sister and her husband took the kitty from me saturday because theyre gonna try adopting her! and if it doesnt work out theyre gonna help find a suitable home for her. She was very cute and I fed her everyday played with her gave her baths and slept with her and she definitely helped me feel a bit more Normal during such an abnormal time in my life. Here's a pic I took of her while she was hanging out w me!

she had very big sad eyes and a very squeaky meow

[grandhotelabyss]

“I have a Ph.D. that is essentially what a B.A. used to be, and a B.A. that is essentially what a high-school diploma used to be” How did this decline happen? I’ve been grappling with it as I finish my own bachelors, and have increasingly come to realise how worthless most of my education (barring a few god courses) has been. And I’ve spent fifteen-odd years in which I had maximum brain plasticity just being conned, and now it feels like it’ll take at least fifteen more years of hard dedicated effort to get to what still feels like a basic level of understanding.

And after that, I can barely share it with anyone because no one else even realises they’ve been scammed, let alone cares enough to put in the effort to fix it. Like that post you linked that starts with “I think the most depressing fact about humanity is that during the 2000s most of the world was handed essentially free access to the entirety of knowledge and that didn’t trigger a golden age”, I agree with a lot of points in the article but it’s also that no one my age (and frankly no more than one or two of my fifteen or so professors from the last four years, indicating to me that the rit goes way further back) gives a single shit — it doesn’t even rise to the level of nihilism (to misquote Lebowski, “at east it’s an ethos!), or even apathy, it’s just this fucking void. lol but I still love to learn so I’m okay for now

Paradoxically, too much information is as good as no information. You'll learn more history from one book than from an overwhelming set of shelves. I think Pound said somewhere you'd be better educated if you knew 10 great books well than 1000 books casually, or something like that. (He also said culture is what's left when you forget what you've read. I think that's exactly right. Then again one can't agree with everything Pound said.) Another one-word answer is "democratization." Serious education was once reserved for what was at least notionally an all-male aristocracy of clerics or warriors. Once you start letting people like me or George Eliot in on it—genetically speaking, I should be farming the stony hills of Abruzzo like my great-grandfather, and she should have been rearing the children of a Midlands estate manager like her father, and neither of us should ever have learned the name Spinoza—then it's probably inevitable that the curriculum is going to change in its temper and emphases. The loss of ancient languages and of any coherent historical narrative at all is regrettable, but we know many other things—things they, the old elites, didn't know at all, even if we're weak on our Latin and Roman history, o tempora, o mores!

The ultra-left communist Loren Goldner, whose website Break Their Haughty Power I used to like to peruse years ago when I should have been learning Latin and Roman history out of a book, died this year. (I found him because he would place ads for his wonderfully eccentric self-published book Herman Melville: Between Charlemagne and the Antemosaic Cosmic Man in the back of The Nation or Harper's or suchlike circa 2004.) In 1995—1995!—he wrote an essay called "The Online World Is Also On Fire: How the Sixties Marginalized Literature in American Culture (and Why Literature Mainly Deserved It)." There he wrote, and here I'll end, though in another mood I'd disagree with this vociferously, that what has displaced centralized traditional learning is a dispersal of micropolitical erudition, history as the breaking of the vessels:

The 60’s were a vast return of the repressed, something like Aschenbach’s dream at the end of Death in Venice, whose repercussions have by no means played themselves out. There was a vast stretching of the culture’s sensibilities, which pre-empted the traditional role of art in that stretching, precisely because much of it originated in the art world of the previous avant-garde The result has been an explosion of books on subjects unimaginable 30 years ago. Take the works of the gay historian John Boswell on medieval Christianity and homosexuality; they are almost literally inconceivable without the Stonewall riots. One could find hundreds of similar books, of uneven quality, on the history of every one of the cultural taboos shattered by the 60’s. Again, one can be more or less enthusiastic about the intellectual climate unleashed by “cultural studies”, but they are just one example of the kind of opening of the “doors of perception” that has occurred, with which few novels compete. The idea that novels convey to us an irreplaceable feel for daily life is unfortunately confined to the times and places in which novels were written, which is pretty limited historically and geographically. In an hour in a high-quality bookstore one can find massive studies of Shi’ite theology and its impact on Iranian history, the social history of Memphis in late antiquity, Amazonian shamanic medicine, Jewish mysticism in 13th century Barcelona, the impact of alchemy on the history of science in the West, the 16th and 17th century utopian millennia in the New World, the role of transported radical political convicts in the formation of 17th century Jamaica, Ifa divination, 17th century Andean resistance to Spanish colonialism, 18th century Aleppo, the architecture of Barabudur, and T’ang aesthetics, (and these are just subjects that leap to mind) and about which next to nothing was widely available prior to the 60’s. Lionel Trilling never heard of such things, and that’s too bad for Lionel Trilling, and the cramped reality he represented. The novel and poetry are not merely competing with on-line reality, they are competing with the growing discovery of realms of history more fantastic than anything that could have been made up.

[mashkaroom]

This is from a few weeks ago, but I’m still excited about this lol, so here’s a rundown of my latest dictionary haul Bhargava's Concise English Dictionary -- a 1983 Hindi-English dictionary. Because the spine is falling off, you can see that they bound it with the help of scrap paper, presumably from another book from the same press

Dictionary of Oriental Literatures, 1978. The project originates in Czechoslovakia.

This one’s pretty sick. A  Dictionary of Pipe Organ Stops, 1965! I didn't even know there were enough different types of these to fill a dictionary.

OKAY, AND NOW, crown jewel which i salivated over so much that i immediately blacked out from dehydration and when i awoke, my wallet was $60 lighter and my bag 50 pounds heavier. Presenting: the 1971 Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.

Now you might say, “oh, compact? like abridged?” NO, my friend, when they say compact, they mean they have taken the entire text of the OED and made it physically smaller. It is hard to convey over picture how comically tiny this text is.

“Jesus christ, how do you read that?”

with a fuckinh. it comes with a fucking magnifying glass. the fucking little drawer at the top comes with its own magnifying glass.

However it’s not just her body that makes me want her. Aside from having etymologies and citations for each word, it also has a really sexy set of end material, including my personal favorite, a list of “spurious words”

hnNNNNGGGGGGG

[sunlightfeeling]

Oh! I forgot to tell y’all an interesting thing that happened to me like a week ago…

So I was at the grocery store and was picking out some milk, but there was this guy in the way. And he started apologizing and all this junk.

Anyway, I pick out my milk, oat milk, because I like to swap from dairy milk from time to time. And this dude is like “Oh, what do you use the oat milk for?” which honestly I almost wanted to give him a “What do you think?” look.

But because I’m pleasant, I didn’t. And because I’m not too bright, I didn’t just say “oh, lactose intolerance is a bit of a bitch.” (I’m not actually but it would have been a good way to cut off the convo there lol) What I do say is “…protein shakes…??”

And this guy ends up lowkey infodumping how he lost x pounds by eating eggs or something with his protein shakes so it’s more filling or whatever. And going on and on from there.

WHAT GOT ME is he goes “remember when you were in college…” (he was going on about some psychology thing, I think) and I lowkey wanted to start crying (okay joking, but I thought I looked young for my age still 😭 I always have). Part of me wonders if he said that to make himself feel a bit more at ease talking to a random girl that, to be frank, is old enough to be his daughter. I’m not even exaggerating! The guy was 60 (he actually told me…lmao…). But also I think the guy was deep in a ramble and not thinking too much about it lol.

Also, something that was really cute is he apologized after realizing he had been rambling, but that he was just really excited to talk about his regimen with someone.

I don’t know…it just made me feel nice that I might have helped feel a little less lonely(?)…

. . . .

Oh my fucking god, did I just describe an irl certified old man (I’m jokinggg, old isn’t until like…mid-70s, 80s for me) as cute…oyyyy…need to put a pin in that lol

[jodilin65]

Not too long ago, I unblocked FB messages from Andy, wondering if he would ever notice—and he did. Now part of me wishes I hadn’t given in to my curiosity. I asked AI how to read messages without them appearing as "seen," and it told me to put my phone in airplane mode, open the app, read the message, close the app, and then turn off airplane mode. I don’t know if it worked, but that’s what I did. All he said was that his A1C has improved, he’s lost 60 pounds, and he hopes Tom and I are doing well. 

They say things happen in threes. First, the termite returns to haunt me, and now him. Who will jump out at me next? Why can’t it be people like Maliheh, Nane or Johnson? I don’t really miss Maliheh but I would talk to Nane and Johnson, even if I probably shouldn’t. 

Anyway, I’ve learned that there are three types of people in this world: the kind who make mistakes, learn from them, and don’t repeat them; the kind who make mistakes, learn from them, but keep making them anyway; and the kind who make mistakes, never learn from them, and never stop making them. Tammy definitely falls into the last group, but technically, Andy never did anything “wrong” to me. At least not in such a malicious way as Tammy. He just annoyed, frustrated, and sometimes even offended the fuck out of me.

I momentarily contemplated posting this publicly so he’d understand why I wasn’t responding to his message if he’s aware of/reading any of my blogs but then I decided that, like with Tammy, no reaction is the best reaction. 

I asked Tom what he would do in my case, and he said he’d be okay with ignoring messages. I asked him for how long, and he said forever. Well, that’s a first, lol, because it’s usually me who has a lot less empathy/guilt. That’s the thing… I feel so bad for ignoring him, but at the same time, I don’t want to go back to dealing with him. So the question I’m asking myself is: which feeling do I want to put up with more—feeling guilty for ignoring him or feeling frustrated and even a little pissed when I’m told I’m a liar, making excuses, and all these other supposed false truths? 

The memory issues frustrate the shit out of me, whether he can help it or not, and like with my sister, we’ve become quite different. It’s all God, paintings, and Stevie/FM with him. I like a lot of her stuff too, but I’ve never been the die-hard fan he is, and I’m definitely no God worshiper. I don’t want to hear how God helped him do this or God did that for him when he knows damn well I can’t believe what can never be proven. 

Two or three times I asked him not to tell anyone we moved to Florida but he went and did it anyway, claiming not to remember. His many years of drugs likely fucked with his memory. No doubt about that. But come on! Two or three times?

So yeah, I guess I’ll keep the guilt because I don’t want to deal with someone who automatically assumes I think and feel certain ways about certain things simply because he does. Just because he’s obsessed with his appearance doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with mine. I can be who I am and comfortable in my own skin, even though I’m well aware that I’m far from attractive.

Now for the big question: Does he follow any of my journals anywhere in a way that I can’t track or be aware of? I’ve wondered this at times, but if I had to guess, I’d say he likely doesn’t read me. 

My Facebook visitor hasn’t been around for a few days, but back when I was connected to Tammy, she sometimes took a few days off if she had other things to do. If it’s her, she’ll be back. If it isn’t her… who the hell could it be? I know I’ve shared the link to that particular account on Facebook, but I’m pretty sure I never shared it publicly like in any groups or pages. I shared Blogger a lot more than I shared PB, too. 

Perhaps the termite didn’t bookmark my Blogger link and wasn’t able to look it up because I removed my last name from the account. If she created another PB account, she could have looked up my name on the user page. Either that, or she went to the site without logging in and saw me on the front page. 

I’m seriously considering sharing my Blogger link on my Facebook profile because I don’t see the harm in it. It’s not like I’m bashing my Facebook friends, so there wouldn’t be anything offensive to them.

[aestheticlifestyle33]

Of course us seeing each other was exactly how I wanted it to go😭😭😭 but 100 times better!!!

He was even hinting at me running off with him lol but it wouldn't make sense but I told him I'm getting my cdl and then he was like welp if you don't pass, I'll still have you come with me🫣

But no, I was about 85% wanting to get my cdl...now I'm at full blown 100%!!!

I'm working my ass off to get my permit, pass training, and pass the final ride along training in order for me to be with him at the end of the tunnel♡

...don't have a job anymore (thanks ex hub), but during the weekends, I'm going to ubereats/donate plasma. Just need enough to rent car to training and after training, gas, some food money (will live off of Ramen and tofu if need to be lol), notebooks/pens/sticky notes, and suitcase 😅 wish I had mine but sis borrowed it 2 years ago and never gave it back...asking her to give back or buy me a new one lol

But I am full on smitten! We literally talked for hours and snuggled. I already miss him😭😭😭 he's technically still in town but with family today, driving across the state to get a doggo. But I don't think he leaves until 12/26...ugh either way next time I see him will be possibly during my training. Crossing fingers. But if not, after I complete my cdl🥰

But at that point, I will have my body back!🥰 I can tell I weigh in the 60s or possibly high 50s, so just a good 30 pounds, and I'm good! I know the stress and anxiety during training will make me drop the weight for sure🤣🤣🤣

My favorite inspo pictures✨️

[smolgirlbigdreams]

Hey guys sorry if this was already posted somewhere else but I have some handy formulas for the G/t community! (I was gonna post this months ago but I chickened out asdfghjkl)

I'll start with the easier (and probably already common knowledge) ones first.

REMEMBER: Use the SAME form of measurement for equations. Convert later! This will save you a headache! I like to use inches and convert to feet later but you can also use centimeters or whatever you want. Just keep it consistent!

The One For When You Want To Know How Big Or Small Someone Is:

(RegularHeight) x (HowMuchBigger) = (NewHeight)

(RegularHeight) ÷ (HowMuchSmaller) = (NewHeight)

Examples:

60 inches x 20 = 1,200 inches. (THEN convert to feet by dividing by 12, and you get 100 feet!)

60 inches ÷ 20 = 3 inches!

The One For When You Want To Figure Out How Much Someone Will Weigh:

(RegularWeight) x (HowMuchBigger³) = (NewWeight)

(RegularWeight) ÷ (HowMuchSmaller³) = (NewWeight)

This one is kind of confusing and took me FOREVER to figure out, lol. (Someone... uh... call me out if I'm doing this wrong :'3)

The reason we have to take (HowMuchBigger) or (HowMuchSmaller) to the third power here is... uh... I don't remember, lol. I think it has to do with the fact that height is two dimensional and weight is three dimensional? I'll leave the explaining to the math wizards, this just happened to be the formula that made the most sense in my various calculation attempts :'3

Examples (don't forget the order of operations, PEMDAS! In other words if you don't solve for what's in the parentheses first the equation Will Not Work™):

250 lbs x (20³) = (NewWeight)

250 lbs x 8,000 = 2,000,000 lbs (convert from pounds to tons by dividing the result by 2,000 and you get 1,000 tons!)

Now for smaller weight:

250 lbs ÷ (20³) = (NewWeight)

250 lbs ÷ 8,000 = 0.03125 lbs (convert from pounds to ounces by multiplying the result by 16 and you get 0.5 ounces!)

Hope this helps! If anyone else has any more equations they'd like to share please add on lol

the thing about g/t is that it has a lot to do with math and physics. which, as someone who personally cannot do either, is initially very scary. but it turns out no one else here can do math either, and we bond over this. and when some fellow g/t fan CAN do math? and talks about physics? we hail them as a wizard. truly gods amongst men.

all hail the G/t STEM Wizards.

[feederandfeedee]

Question for a beginning feeder and feedee. About 2 yrs ago, my wife got up to 230 lbs while pregnant. Since then she’s lost about 60 pounds. I’m still crazy about her body, but also absolutely adored her body at 230. We recently had a convo about this and she told me she wants to start gaining, and FAST. She loves the thought of me going crazy over her growing body and said she wouldn’t mind getting even bigger than 230. What are the best things for her to do, and how can I help her?

I mean FEED HER. Duh lol but I’m sure you want specifics so here you go:

1) Do everything for her. Make it so that she doesn’t need to leave the couch for anything. Part of being a good feeder is being a good husband, because your marriage comes first. Once she feels secure in your job, cleanliness around the house and other obligations she can focus on your fantasies and sex life.

2) Get familiar with her favorite foods and always keep them stocked! Bring her home treats and goodies whenever you leave the house and learn to cook some high calorie fattening meals and cook for her!

3) Make her feel beautiful. With weight gain comes insecurities no matter what. Her body will be changing and you gotta help her feel good about herself. Compliment her a lot!

Enjoy your fat wife and happy life 😎

[letterstotheflre]

You don’t have to answer this because I know people are horrible, but if you want to, would you be able to elaborate on why you stopped liking Harry styles?

I’m currently mad at him because he’s doing coachella but has said nothing about your dates in Australia lol 😤

i'll answer it because i love sharing my opinions lol. i want to preface this by saying that i was a hugeee fan of him. i was a stan really, completely obsessed with him and adored everything he did. it's mainly that i slowly stopped having an interest in both him and his music. once the whole parasocial relationship i had with him stopped, i could see how truly blinded his fans are. and i'm not trying to be mean or anything, it's just a fact.

the main thing is, he is super disconnected from his fanbase. the last straw for me was the whole pleasure thing?? he clearly doesn't understand who his audience is. why would you sell nail polishes for... idk how much they were because i wasn't in the fandom anymore by that point, but they were aprox 60 pounds/dollars right? to a fanbase composed by either teenage girls with no money or college students with also no money. and he also never interacts with his fans (at least on social media). and i get that he doesn't like sm and he wants his privacy, but take taylor swift for example. we know next to nothing of her private life, but the connection she has with her fanbase is insane. he needs to remember who is paying his bills and show a little appreciation. i feel like he only sees his fans as money bags.

the other thing is something a girl on tiktok pointed out that really stuck out to me. harry doesn't have a personality (at least a public one). what his fans believe him to be is merely a mirror of what they want him to be and what fanfiction created of him. he is just a projection. if i can find the tiktok i'll link it later because she explains it better but it was a while ago

also, his actions don't really correlate with his words. he never really speaks up about any issues, or makes his political views public. and i wouldn't mind it if people didn't have the same expectations with celebrities that are women, poc, lgbtq+ and other minorities. they are always expected to share their views and be a role model and speak up, but suddenly when rich cis white boy doesn't do it, it's fine! he doesn't owe anyone anything! it feels like he's trying to keep both his left wing and right wing fans together (aka more money for him) i also kinda get the vibes that he voted conservative lmaoooo

and also the whole tour thing. it feels very neglectful of his part the way he handled the whole situation. europe, latin america, asia and australia are completely in the dark about whether or not the tour will ever happen, meanwhile he's touring the us and going to coachella? idk about you but i never got an email from the tour company offering a refund... i understand that covid is still a thing and that's probably it, but he could at least come out and say "for now these dates are still postponed until covid restrictions are lowered. if you want a refund go to x" and that's it. i'm really not asking for much.

[genderisareligion]

Sometimes I wonder how my feminist sisters are so strong?

there are days when its too overwhelming to see all those little details of the patriarchy, when I go out and see couples, the girl covered in makeup, perfect hair, body so thin that it becomes fragile instead of strong, I wonder? How many desserts would she've rejected and sacrificed even more in order to "feel good about herself"? and I see "males" living without having to worry about their appearance, gulping like pigs whatever food is put in front of them, shamelessly, without having to feel worry or anxiety about gaining a few more pounds.

sometimes it becomes quite difficult for me to see all the patterns, small details, anger that we keep and trying to go against the current, and then turn around and see that they don't notice it, that for them all that is "normal", and I want to scream and shake their heads violently as I ask them "why are you doing that!?", will this always be like this? Why are we the only ones fighting so fervently? Why aren't other women by our side fighting for OURSELVES?

I don't know, sometimes being in this cage and knowing the truth makes me feel even more alone and imprisoned.

They say the truth sets you free but somehow I don't feel free at all :(

I know the feeling. I haven’t been feeling the rage as much this year, it’s numbed over into something like the motivation to kick misogyny’s ass first and deal with my feelings later, but I go through phases where it feels like I’m in too much pain to be a feminist. My coworker situations are always distant because I’m a closet misandrist lol. I listen to mostly straight women talk about their lives and casually throw around internalized misogyny or talk about the ain’t shit men they’re putting up with who don’t deserve them and I just have to stay quiet. Radblr helps. Seeing my mutuals cope with feminist backlash with humor is enormously helpful. Seeing women like @kronkk and @monapill on the dash keeps me going 

I also often think about @radicallyaligned ‘s post where she says radfems should only be allowed one hour of no hope for women a day and the rest of the 23 should be in celebration. That’s not always possible given the amount of anti feminist bullshit in the world but I try to think about how far women have come as often as I can. I live with my mother and grandmother at the moment and hearing stories from their lives more often gives me perspective. When my mom was born my grandmother still couldn’t get her own bank account, was dealing with racial segregation on top of sexism that was just barely being addressed in the 60s. Now she can live comfortably without my grandfather and has granddaughters with master’s degrees. In the grand scheme of things as a Black woman I have a shit ton of freedom today that I wouldn’t have just decades ago. 

I think about the women with platforms who are speaking out like JKR and Allison Bailey who are going through it backlash wise worse than I am, grateful that at least the peak tide is turning with them even if it seems small 

If anyone else wants to chime in with ways they stay strong let us know 

[inabluedr3am]

that was my point, that I’m thicker and have a nicer ass.... 😂 I love this

That’s my point! Used to be sexy and curvy, now your a fat ass blob

Sorry to tell u but 60 pounds ago I was not curvy lol

[himboskywalker]

After learning that you literally fight in full armor I might be in love with you. Years ago I was part of an archaeological dig in the outer hebrides looking for vikings (we didn't find any, but oh well) and their exploits are absolutely fascinating (have you seen the Gokstad ship? that is a thing of beauty). Quick question tho, is there any form of combat larping that involves archery? I'm trying think of a scenario where you could make it safe, but blunt arrows can still do a lot of damage

That’s incredible I am mad jealous of you being a part of a dig like that,even if you guys didn’t find anything. A huge part of my master’s degree research was on the impact of Norse settlers on Scottish islander culture and how that eventually carried over with the Scottish islander emigrants to North Carolina,so not same hat but sort of same hat! Lol I’ve not seen the Gokstad ship in person unfortunately,I’ve not made it to Norway yet,but I’ve certainly drooled over pictures of it.

And as for combat larping you’ll be pleased to know that most of them incorporate archery!Most larps do restrict the draw poundage so people aren’t getting whacked with 60 pound draw bows but you’ll find the maximum limits differ. The main larp I go to allows a much higher draw than others because the location is wooded and archers are often shooting from a long distance and through trees so it’s almost necessary,especially going up against my faction who fights primarily though shieldwall. Larp arrows are constructed mostly like real ones,often from fiberglass or or epoxy glass resin so those suckers are heavy duty. But instead of an arrowhead they have foam tips. Now this is still dangerous because someone is still shooting a sharp projectile with a real weapon at you but it’s mitigated by several things: A-we wear real armor and I’m not going to feel that through my chainmail and reinforced leather. B-headshots are never allowed and if accidents do happen a lot of the time you’re in a real helmet anyway,mine covers my whole face and has mail on it. And C-arrows are checked after every battle to make sure none of the shafts,feathers,or foam heads are broken or loose so no-one gets stabbed. That being said my best friend is an archer and accidentally shot me square in the eye two years ago and I had a cartoonishly round black eye for weeks afterwards. If it’s something you’re interested in Larp Distribution or EpicArmoury are great companies to buy starter gear and weapons from!