#and that people don't see me as fat (even though i am the biggest in my friend group)

[bisexualbrainrots]

I just love how lou talks about practicing body neutrality in the felix magazine interview. like, from my experience it's actually really fucking hard to exist in your body once it's changed, and sometimes it's hard to see it in a positive light (not to mention it often feels like people want to force you to feel good about it now that it's different unlike before).

the way he talks about focusing on feeling calm and on things like movement makes me feel so... seen I guess.

[deerboybreeder]

UPDATED PINNED LETS GOOOO!

[PraiseMe Link!] [Tellonym Link!] (Send me threats and scary things!)

Hi, I'm Deer but you can call me whatever you want idc! Im a trans man and use he/it pronouns (or any pronouns in kink), I'm in my late 20's, and my blog is primarily focused on breeding and pregnancy! However lots of my other kinks will be present here, such as cnc, kidnapping, intox, monsterfucking, hucow and gender play- this includes both force detrans and forcemasc!

Inbox and DMs are open, but keep in mind:

-i am fat! That's just a fact, don't go into this assuming I'm skinny

-I've been on testosterone for several months, and I am starting to be read as a man in my day to day life!

-I AM TAKEN and won't get in a relationship with you. I do have permission for roleplay, so assume unless stated otherwise that I'm playing a role here. I DO NOT SEND PICS BECAUSE OF THIS!!! they own my body ❤️

You Can: talk to me about impregnation, forced impregnation, breeding, pregnancy in general, reduce me to my womb and tits (PLEASE), send fantasies about breeding boys girls and anyone else, hunting deerboys (for breeding or otherwise), monsterfucking, anything hucow related, light blackmail, and forced marriage! I talk about it less here, but I'm also into having parts of me hacked off for meat- feel free to bring that up if you want but I don't expect much bc it's niche. I'm also a traumagenic system of many, so feel free to ask about that/take advantage of it!

Misgendering is good (but I really prefer degendering + dehumanization), forced feminization and forced detransition especially from pregnancy, forcemasc and trans superiority (ESP transfem superiority ❤️). See below the cut for specific boundaries about that!

I also genuinely love being sent: rape threats, stalking threats, degrading messages, porn, insults, messages that imply I'm not a real man (though don't extend this to all trans ppl that's a turn off), messages that call me stupid, and graphic violent threats. If it's not on my limits list, it's probably ok to send!

You can't: ASK FOR PICS, or talk to me about scat/piss, fauxcest/incest, raceplay, beast (not monsterfucker but like real animals). Don't imply I'd cheat on my partners either. Outside of kink warning that if I ever feel like someone actually has my personal information/location, I will delete the blog immediately. So if you want to keep playing with me, don't.

DMS ONLY: Due to privacy and the way Tumblr nukes blogs, I'll only engage with the following in DMs- hunger play, asking about my trauma, and Im CONSIDERING allowing blackmail play if we have a rapport built. I also will do ageplay in DMs but I identify as a younger teen in that space and not a little-little, and won't use family-related terms.

Required reading over! Read all of the above or I'll stomp you to death with my hooves!

Genuinely for blackmail play I gotta trust you. Assume everything here I mention irl is roleplay unless stated otherwise! I am genuinely pumping to induce lactation though, that's real, and so is me dressing more feminine on and off- that's not for detrans reasons but because I'm GNC. The god pregnancy is ALSO real, but some aspects are embellished to make it fit on the kink blog. Feel free to ask about that!

Detrans specific boundaries!

The biggest thing is don't imply all other trans people are not actually their gender. I'm okay with classing "fakeboys" as a group and being considered part of that group, but that's exclusively people who also have a detrans kink. I'm also more likely to engage with this kink with other trans people, and in a much harder context than I would with a cis person.

I'm okay with being called almost any term except for woman- even in the context of kink, I can't stand being called a woman. A womb, a girl, wife, even using she/her on me is fine, just not woman. In my kink narrative, women have a level of personhood that I can't ever have! I also am fine with a specific kind of "misogyny lite" play that's exclusive for fakeboys- fakeboys and ftm girls are subject to the typical "you exist to make babies and be in the kitchen and serve", whereas real trans men, cis men, nonbinary people, and women (both cis and trans) are granted full autonomy and agency.

I'm okay with being told I'm "lying" about being a boy/man, and being made to "go back" to being a girl/cunt/womb/whore/whatever, but what's BEST is breaking me. Sure, I was always a boy, if a fake one, but you decide to break me into a good girl for you and ruin me instead. That's better than anything else! It's also totally okay to do "light" misgendering/force fem to me- encouraging me to dress more femininely due to me being GNC and things like that, only to tell me later it's because you want me feminized.

[battry-acid]

Hey dude I totally don’t know at all you should totally write a manifesto on trans/intersex wolverine ooooo you wanna write it so bad ooooooo

you tease me, tumblr user that i am definitely not friends with. we both know this is bait i simply cannot help but bite. << if you read this till the end you get a surprise :) >>

i could go on a big long rant and list every single instance in which logan defies gender norms in the comics, but i'm gonna try to be brief this time. my headcanon that logan is trans/intersex is so personal and deeply rooted in my mind that discussing it kinda feels like sharing the secrets of a close friend if that makes sense. like, it's his business, it ain't my right to share that information.

i know there are trans logan truthers out there. i have seen them in the wild. i know there are people who would agree with this headcanon, and i'm sure i'm not the only one who takes trans headcanons super personally as a trans person, projecting your experiences and feelings onto a character you really like. it's the same thing with ol' logan (and kurt is not spared of this treatment either).

with the intersex headcanon, i don't often see those enough (for any character, in any fandom, honestly) especially considering intersex people make up, like, 2% of the entire world population. i know of several canon intersex characters in media, but not headcanons.

the biggest reason many people have the trans logan headcanon is because of his clone x-23/laura having XX chromosomes due to the sample used by dr. kinney having a damaged Y, making her 'female'. this is going off of a ciscentric intersex-exclusionary idea of what biological sex is, though.

i'm still totally down for the base concept of 'laura and logan having different gender identities means that at least one of them is trans since they have basically the same DNA' though, but i think both logan and laura are intersex. i think part of the reason it was so hard to clone wolverine is because of his unique DNA. it isn't contradictory for them to have different gender identities or different biology. i think we should stop looking for a reason to label laura Girl and logan Boy and just accept that they can be neither, both, in and out of the between, anything, it just requires so much less hassle. why is their biology so important anyway? that doesn't change their characters.

there's also just...general biological fuckery happening in the weapon x program as pointed out by 1random-starfish because this is superhero comics we're talking about where they're trying to explain how characters get superpowers. this shit doesn't make biological sense and that's okay. it doesn't need to make sense. transphobes and interphobes are constantly saying that our existences "don't make sense" and why should we ever even slightly cater to their beliefs? we make sense to ourselves and that's all that matters. trans and intersex logan makes sense to me.

another argument brought up in defence of trans logan is the fact that he's a short king. as a short king, i approve of this. but there's little emphasis on the fact that he is naturally extremely hairy, both him and sabretooth are super hairy, like way more so than most other characters (besides the ones that are covered in fur like kurt and hank) and that's pretty significant to me. i'm also hairy as fuck. almost all of my intersex friends are hairy too. obviously how much hair a trans and/or intersex person has will vary, but like i said, this trans/intersex logan headcanon is super personal, so i'm projecting personal attributes onto him, damn it.

as i said in a previous post, though i don't feel it's incredibly important to disclose, logan likely has POTS or CAH or something similar to those conditions. i don't think medicine can or should define what logan is. but just to give a reference for how i interpret his appearance, some of those attributes are similar to the ones logan has in my brain. fat, hairy, short, often experiencing fatigue/vertigo/disturbed sleep/etc (worsened by him having PTSD), adrenal issues (paired with PTSD), breast tissue, facial hair, decreased bone density (which was strengthened by his skeleton being bonded with adamantium), etc. he was also allegedly a very sickly child.

onto how i portray logan in my art. some artists prefer to give him top surgery, not just for the "who cares it's a headcanon i do what i want" reasoning but also because there's evidence that logan could experience a permanent surgery like that if enough effort was put in. i, however, am one of the no-op logan truthers. not only do not all transmasc people get top surgery but it doesn't always feel required due to diversity of body types. it's why there's so many different kinds of top surgery, there's so many different ways a chest can look. i don't always draw logan's chest the same way consistently, and like, who cares. the only reason i bring this up is because i personally will never draw logan with any kind of scars, top surgery or otherwise, because of my understanding of how his healing factor works.

regardless of any reasoning i may have for these headcanons, it's just what i feel is right. i draw stuff how i want to. i think about these characters how i want to. the little version of logan that lives in my brain told me he is trans and intersex so that's how i'm gonna portray him. anyway,

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I found a transcript of the Jan 98 Q interview but it won’t let me post a link

https:// groups.google .com/g/rec.music.beatles/c/7clhNbsz3jE/m/stFmXJnzJSMJ

Maybe see if you can view it by removing the space between google and .com. If not I can screenshot and send you pictures

Oh wow, amazing!! thank you so much! this is an old usenet post from December 1997 and the user named Alison Fiddler kindly typed it up 27 years ago :)

I'll post the full transcript (and a bit reformated for legibility) below the cut for everyone.

Paul McCartney Interview for Q Magazine, January 1998 edition

Q. When you first wrote a song with John Lennon, did you realise you would play one of the biggest parts in rock 'n' roll?

(Michael McConnell, Crawley, West Sussex)

Q. If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him?

A. Obviously not. But even with all the so-called "historical" events that followed, you're just too inside it all, too busy doing it to realise anything's "historical". You just get on with it. I'm not a great ponderer. Some people would say that's a mistake but it's just the way I am. It's quite cool not to always get the overall picture because it leaves something to be found out. The musicologists get paid to discover the differences between me and John. I'm only just beginning to see it now, based probably on their analysis. So John is often one note, I'm often more melodic. (McCartney is thinking especially of Ian McDonald's book Revolution in the Head, where he describes the ace partnership in contrasts: Lennon's method is "harmonic, dissonant", McCartney's that of the "natural melodist".) It might sound amazing but we never spotted that when we were writing. We just did our thing. But it is kind of apparent when you bother to analyse it.

(Mark Wilson, Deeside, Flintshire)

A. In bed.

Q. Were you ever envious that Brian Epstein didn't fancy you?

(Nick Gibson, London)

Q. What were the last records you bought?

A. No, I didn't mind. We just used to go to these clubs at night and wonder why there were so many men. It was OK. Brian was very cool about his side to things. I think the nearest any of us got to it was the John-going-to-Spain thing (it inspired the movie, The Hours And The Times) and I'm not sure what the strength of all that was. I think it was power play on John's part. But Brian kept his private life aside. He kept it out of our faces (pause, possibly for effect). He kept it out of mine, anyway.

(Chris Timms, Harrogate)

A. The Prodigy's The Fat Of The Land, Radiohead's OK Computer and Chopin's Nocturnes.

Q. How do you feel about all the animosity between you and Oasis right now?

(Christina Vellano, Syracuse, New York, USA)

A. There is none as far as I'm concerned. What happened was I'd said, Good group, good singer, good songwriters. But people asked me about it so much that one time I decided to take it further and say that they don't mean anything to me. I am not related to Oasis. I wish them good luck and everything. But my kids mean something to me, John Lennon means something to me, but Oasis ....

Q. Who would you pick to play with in your dream six-piece band?

(Alan Thatcher, Essex)

A. Dream? So we're into fantasy, aren't we? Ringo, John, George, that's three. Me. Jimi Hendrix. That makes lots of guitarists, so Little Richard on keyboards.

Q. With Wings, did you feel pressurised to live up to The Beatles?

(Andrew Williams, Neath)

A. Yes, it was a case of "follow that!". Impossible to do. Looking back on it, it's a lot better than I thought, though some of it is just not PLAYED as well as The Beatles. My son (James, co-worker on McCartney's last pop album, Flaming Pie) plays a lot of Wings, so I'm re-listening, and there's good shit that I'd forgotten about. A lot of the lyrics were off the wall, drug stimulated. Things like "Soily - the cat in the satin trousers says its oily". What was I on? I think the answer is stimulants.

Q. Do you still support the legislation of cannabis?

(Grahame Woods, Northwood, Middlesex)

A. I would make a distinction between legalising and decriminalising. I'm in favour of the latter. The problem is that jails are stuffed full of kids doing what a lot of people do. Why stuff the jails with young kids? Plus it's one of the best places to score. I remember when I got busted in Japan, nobody made the slightest effort to rehabilitate me (laughs). Just stuck me in a box for nine days. Obviously you come out and you are fairly resentful.

Q. Do you roll a wicked joint?

(Steve Kline, Bury)

A. I have nothing to say in answer to that question, m'lud. I wasn't even at the venue.

Q. The critics have been harsh on your solo work. Did this ever

discourageyou?

(Robert Hemauer, Madison, Wisconsin, USA)

A. Yeah, sure, but you don't let it kill you. It's a difficult one, because it's never cool for someone to tell you you're shit. Many people through history were damned by the critics of their own time - Cezanne, Van Gogh, Stravinsky, all great painters! Ha ha!

Q. We'd like to see your paintings but can't get to the exhibition in

Germany (McCartney unveils his work for the first time in Siegen, Germany, next year). Any thoughts about putting your paintings on "tour", or publishing a book of them?

(Kathy Goodman, San Diego, CA, USA)

Q. You've done so many things - classical, films, music, art, drugs - is there anything left you might have a go at?

A. A difficult one. If you're a so-called celebrity - like Bowie, Anthony Quinn, Tony Curtis - and you exhibit any art, inevitably, people are not going to think of you as a real painter. Gallery owners come up to me and offer to give me exhibitions. I say, You haven't seen my pictures, and they say, It doesn't matter. Well, it does to me. Otherwise, it's just trading on the name. However, this guy from Germany came over, looked at all my paintings, seems to like them. He's telling me what they're all about.

(Tim Bowler, Swansea)

A. The thing is how reluctant I've often been to have a go. I think we were brought up pretty repressed. Brought up to be seen and not heard, to stay in your place, particularly a working class thing. And I think - I hope - with The Beatles, we got rid of a lot of that. With the painting, for instance, it was Willem de Kooning who liberated me. I used to go to his studio, took in one of my paintings, said, Hey Bill, I hope you don't mind but can you tell me what it is? (Affects American drawl) "Oh, looks "like a couch." Well it looked like a purple mountain to me. And he says, "Well, whatever." Here's one of the greats, his works go for one million, and it was great to see how little bullshit he was bringing to it all. It's really important to explode these myths that surround the arts, music, painting. It's Wizard of Oz time - so many myths, and it's often just a little man behind the screen. The paraphernalia that surrounds them gets in the way. Often you meet leaders in their field and they have none of that. I remember asking a great painter - Peter Blake, maybe - for some advice once, and he said "Just paint a lot". Similar to my approach to music.

Q. How do you know when a song's finished?

(Joyce Slavik, Palatine, Illinois)

A. It's full up. You've answered all of your questions. Normally, I start following a thread: "Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice ... " The thread might come out of nowhere, and I follow it and complete it, like crossword puzzle. When the crossword is full up, the song is finished.

Q. What's more embarrassing: writing Hi Hi Hi or Say Say Say?

(Tien Vu, Costa Mesa, California)

A. (Weighs up pros and cons). Say Say Say.

Q. Why did you give such extensive interviews for an authorised biography (Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now) instead of writing an autobiography?

(Deena Hochberg, Southampton, Pennsylvania)

Q. I'd like to know if Sir Paul sings in the shower, and if so, what does he sing?

A. I don't think I'm a writer. I've never been moved to do it. You have to have a pretty big fire in the belly to do something as big as that. I fancy music more. I'm happier writing in songs rather than in prose, or poetry. Though I wrote something that was never published about the time I got busted in Japan - for my kids. Because I knew one day they'd say, "Hey dad, what was it like, nine days in a Tokyo jail?". So I had a mate of mind, who did all our printing, knock up a few copies, one for each of the kids.

(Jennifer Nash, Bursville, Minnesota)

Q. As a kid you used to play pranks at school by throwing balloons filled with something "worse than water". If you had one of those balloons right now who would you like to hit with it?

A. It's normally the bath. I prefer a good bath. And the answer's Firestarter - "I'm a firestarter, de-de-de-de-dera."

(Brett Yuskiewicz, Leipzig, Germany)

A. Jonathan King. He's a prat from way back.

Q. Which football team did/does each Beatle support?

(WC Chan, Maryland, USA)

A. None of us were big footie types. We weren't very sporty, unlike other groups who were always having knock-arounds. My dad was an Everton fan, which I was most of my life. But then Liverpool started playing well, and Everton didn't, so I took the unprecedented move of supporting them both. It's not allowed, I know, but there you go.

Q. For years, you've claimed it's you in the Walrus costume in the Magical Mystery Tour film. But watching the footage shows that for it to be you, you and John would have had to exchange all your clothes. Are you winding us up, or have you not watched the film in 30 years?

(Dorothy Northcutt, Tucker, Georgia)

Q. What is the quality of each of the other Beatles that you like(d) the best about?

A. The big one. Very good question. I tell you what it was. In the stills we had taken, I was the one with the Walrus head on – in the film it's different. So John then immortalised it in Glass Onion, "I've got news for you all, the walrus was Paul". Obviously at the time you don't care, it's just a Walrus head. You don't realise years later people like our friend from Georgia will analyse it.

(S. Breggles, Richmond)

A. All of them – musical talent. All of them – honesty. Ringo – funny, and kind-hearted. George – straightforward and open. John – witty with a soft centre, or maybe hard with a soft centre.

Q. Do the copulating beetles on the sleeve of Ram (1970) stand for F**k The Beatles?

(Luc Van de Wiele, Wemmel, Belgium)

A. It happened to be a picture Linda had taken. We couldn't resist it just because of the way it looked. She'd caught these two beetles f**king, and then the significance hit us. We saw that pun, yeah, thought why not?

Q. Was there ever a third Lennon song for Anthology 3?

(Jake Lennington, Rush City, MN, USA)

A. There was, but George didn't like it. The Beatles being a democracy, we didn't do it.

Q. I have a Beatles t-shirt which I bought from The Grapes (celebrated Liverpool pub). I was told the band are pictured in their favourite seats - adjacent to the Ladies where you would often catch a glimpse of the girls changing for an evening at The Cavern. True?

(Alan Tomkins, Goring, West Sussex)

A. I hope so. It SOUNDS true. Had there been an opportunity to spot the girls changing, I'm sure we would have sat there.

Q. If you hadn't been a musician, what do you think you would have been?

(Tony Carter, Manchester)

A. The only thing I could have probably qualified for was teaching. So I might have been an English teacher.

Q. Does it do your head in - stuff like the handwritten lyrics to Getting Better selling for $249,000 at Sothebys?

(Peggy Robinson, Trinant, Gwent)

A. It's the price of fame - literally. You scribble them on the back of an envelope, and it gets to be famous. People want it, so it becomes a desirable object. Like Mozart's bog paper, which is another highly desirable object, apparently. More valuable obviously if it's been used.

Q. What is the inscription on the ID bracelet you wear?

(Rachel Hyland, West Harford, Connecticut)

A. It says Paul - for when I forget who I am.

Q. How does it feel to have a star named after you (the christening courtesy of American astronomy fans)?

(John Sales, Barry, Glamorgan)

A. Really cool. The good thing is that as you get on, your fans get on too. And some of them are pretty swotty. Like the people who started Apple, they were just Beatles fans, hence the name. You don't sit around looking at the sky, trying to find it, but it's like getting a very nice birthday present. I'm not religious, I don't believe in any one system - I sort fo think the universe is basically benevolent and we f**k it up - but I am spiritual. I saw Stephen Hawking on TV the other night, and he was saying that we are made of the same stuff as the stars. Which is great. We are all stardust, luv.

Q. What do you want written on your gravestone?

(Tom Mangold, Exeter)

A. Here lies Gracie Fields. Anything to keep people away.

[pepperochau]

hello everyone and good afternoon, my name is pepperochau and i am here to talk to you today about the one, the only, the futher mucker itself: dudunsparce. this will be a bit of the read, so follow the cut to see the rest!

majestic, is it not? personally i was not the biggest fan when it was revealed, but it has grown on me since then.

now, there is at current a very strong, loud refrain in the pokemon fandom that dudunsparce is a joke, and was always meant to be a joke. they say "people have wanted an epic dragon evolution for twenty years, and gamefreak has trolled them"; "dudunsparce is supposed to be a bad/lame/dumb design because it's a joke".

however! i disagree. i have been a lifelong fan of dunsparce, ever since i was a young malformed guttersnipe who thought it was a mythical pokemon, and i can safely say i've never wanted it to become a dragon. however, i also have never viewed it as a joke pokemon. so to hear people write off the design of dudunsparce as simply "a joke" has frustrated me to no end. so to you, reader, i would like to provide an explanation for why dudunsparce is what it is—a mess.

so, let's start at the beginning of the line with dunsparce.

many people will look at dunsparce's name and their mind immediately goes to dunce, sparce. and, fair enough, as it does look a bit dopey doesn't it? Other languages also give it names meaning "dumb" or "oafish" like the German Dummisel and the French Isolourdo respectively. now, I cant speak on how strong brand consistency was back in Gen 2, so maybe they were just aping off the same perception most English speakers had of the name. or it is possible that TPCi had always intended this interpretation. who is to say.

but there is a more obvious, widely overlooked aspect of its name: Dun. as in a subadult version of an insect, traditionally used when describing mayflies.

IN FACT this is such an underacknowledged aspect of its name that even on Bulbapedia, one of the most important secondary sources of information on pokemon next to serebii, i was hard pressed to find any mention of it at any point earlier than 2022, in an article revision that SIMILARLY went unnoted and uncommented on.

future editions of this article maintain both definitions of the word "dun".

but with this aspect of its name in mind, you'll notice that the rather un-tsuchinoko-like aspects of its design become more coherent, like its near-useless bug wings and stripey back. because its not just a snake with a fat tummy, but a fat bumblebee as well! wow!!! so cool!!!!!

now that this preamble is out of the way, we can finally move onto the mon of the hour: dudunsparce

pokedex entries for dudunsparce's 3-segment form mention that "the number of segments a Dudunsparce’s body has is determined by the Pokémon’s genes." at first glance it feels like a bit of a lore cop out for a formchange with no effect on gameplay. but remember how dunsparce has some partial insect inspiration? with this in mind, dudunsparce reveals itself to be, first and foremost, a reference to the Drosophila fruit fly's bithorax mutation:

as you can see, sometimes the genes for the termination of the thorax are copied accidentally, resulting in a copied thorax in the afflicted insect! and with "dun" meaning a subadult insect, we can reconceptualize dudunsparce from a simple joke, to a pokemon species whose inherent genetic mutations have kept it from reaching its true adult form! it even has the stripey butt that a fruit fly has!! so cool!!! a bit sad though, don't you think?

but there are still yet unexplored depths to the design of dudunsparce. for example: why does dudunsparce have a two-layered drill tail? why is there a random spiral on its first segment? well, allow me to introduce you to yet another muckerfuther: the cuélebre.

now i know what you may be thinking: this looks nothing like dudunsparce. and certainly, the resemblance is minimal. but allow me to share with you some mythological information about the cuélebre:

The cuélebre is a multi-winged serpent from Cantabrian and Asturian folklore, both of which are regions of modern-day spain.

The cuélebre's impervious scales grow thicker with age

The cuelebre's only weak spot is its throat

The cuelebre lives in deep caves

The cuelebre retreats to Mar Cuajada in old age, a place with diamonds covering the bottom

sound familiar? it should, because you will notice that dudunsparce mirrors all of these traits almost to a T:

Paldea is based on Spain, and Dudunsparce is a fat snake with multiple wings; or, a winged serpent.

Dudunsparce has much bulkier defensive stats than its preevolution Dunsparce (125/80/75 compared to 100/70/65), and has an extra hard "cap" layer on its tail

There is a seemingly random spiral pattern on the underside of Dudunsparce's first segment, or on its throat, regardless of form

Dudunsparce is mentioned by the pokedex to make sprawling nests in the bedrock, and is only find in the wild in Area Zero

The lowest point of Area Zero is covered in large, diamantine crystals

and for the people who still want dudunsparce to be a "joke": the cuélebre isn't even a very impressive dragon in itself: it hoards treasure and fairy women, and if you encounter it on the night of Midsummer, then you can kill it by tricking it into eating a bread or cake that's full of pins or hot irons. the worst thing it does in folklore that i can find is that it floods a town once because they weren't able to give it its daily cow head. the cuélebre is a nuisance first, and a (sort of) dragon second.

now, i don't want to be raining on people's fun, so i'll take a moment to take my lumps: i wasn't able to find very much information on the cuélebre, so there's a strong chance i am misrepresenting the creature here. aso, people are allowed to view dudunsparce as just a joke pokemon, and to like it as sich, and that's fine! i'm not here to tell you how to engage with your hobbies!

but, when i see that being the only reason that people give for liking the design? when i see that being given as the only reason given for why it looks the way it does? when i see pokemon videos on youtube that quickly bring up and then dismiss dudunsparce as a joke as if that was the only reason behind its design at all, without any kind of additional explanation or exploration of the design? it gets a bit frustrating, and tiresome. i mean hell, i maybe spent about three hours total in researching for this post, and i can confidently say that's far more time than all poketubers have spent on it combined.

the short of it os, that there is always more to be uncovered with fictional material. even with something so seemingly simple as a fat, goofy snake.

[victimeyez]

Me and my buddy stumbled on your writing andnow we're hate reading just to see how low you're willing to go for the shock factor. So far the Enema Bag Shiver is the funniest, it has turned into our favorite character so far, but the #1 is still the toddler costume for the pedophile implications. To be honest its brave you included that in a story all about kinks you personally have :D Anyway I'm sure its important to the plot too. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to saturday :)

Idk man, kinda sounds like you're my biggest fan.

This story has not been updated regularly until very recently, and It's been ongoing for almost a year. Are you on my taglist? Would you like to be?

I'm not sure how you would stumble across my content. No one has a strictly My Little Pony blog and then randomly reblogs my work. Everything I write is tagged to hell and back, and is exclusively shared within the whump community. Obviously something attracts you to whump, and I write whump. My blog is labeled Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. If you look in the bag and yell at me that you find a dead dove in there, that's not on me.

You have to be actively checking my blog, because you've sent me multiple anon messages, and check to see if I've answered them. When I don't within a few days, you still want my attention so you send more. You want to read the story, and you openly enjoy it, but you're having a hard time reconciling the judgement you make on me with the fact that you genuinely like my content. So you eagerly read it, but send me anon hate so you can still give yourself a big pat on the back and feel like you have a moral superiority. Your case isn't special. It is incredibly common, and certainly nothing new.

What if you could just enjoy the things you like? There's a whole community here that shares your interests and has fun interacting with it. You don't have to put it on your resume, but there's a space here that is appropriate for it. It involves sensitive content, sure, whump is a facet of horror. Torture scenes are incredibly common, even in mainstream media. Game of Thrones featured graphic rape scenes and incest, yet it has unbelievable mainstream appeal. It's okay to like content that involves mature themes and touches on sensitive topics, and the majority of people do.

A lot of people have a hard time being genuine about their interests, whether they carry a taboo or are just considered cringe. I realized years ago that by owning the things I enjoy, no one can hurt me with it. I was a superwholock teenager to the core. I am bad at ice skating and swimming! I'm a fat little boy and I dance funny!!! When you refuse to be ashamed, other people have no power over you. In fact, they start to feel more comfortable being themselves around you, too.

I'm not stooping to anything. I'm an adult with a busy life, who chose to post my writing online, fully knowing the possible consequences, and being fine with them. I have made interactive elements of the story so people can vote for what they want to see - and when I listed the crazy BDSM couple Lisa and Mark, they won the poll by a landslide. There are plenty of people who can distinguish fiction from the author's core morals, and I'm not interested in pandering to anyone who doesn't.

The shock value comment is interesting - if I'm just trying to shock people, why would I hold back? Why didn't I write a whole disgusting scene with the enema? Why have I stated that I will not be writing any kind of age play scenes in this series? There is a plot, character arcs, backstories... Sarge could not be more of a parody unless I had him wear a shirt that said "I am a caricature of the american military industrial complex, republican politics, imperialism, and the intersection it finds with men who struggle socially and turn to red pilled reddit and toxic masculinity as a balm". Seems a bit on the nose, though. Do you think all content that involves horror or mature content is only designed to shock?

If you think I've got this all wrong, and I'm a huge pretentious asshole, that doesn't change anything for me. But you have committed yourself an awful lot to something you supposedly hate. Why don't you just stop reading? You won't even come off of anon, because you know I'd just block you and move on, and I think you would be upset if you couldn't read it anymore. I'm just another freak on the internet, right? Block me and move on. Prove me wrong. Throw a party that you trumped me and won. Feel superior. Do a backflip. Good for you buddy. Or maybe tell me, who actually is your favorite character?

TLDR; you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

[honeysuckle-venom]

So. I actually started a lot of lifestyle changes about a month ago, shortly after getting my MRI results and checking in with my therapist a bit. I felt 95% sure the hepatologist would tell me I needed to lose weight, and I knew that if I hadn't started at least a little bit on that path before seeing her I would be even more triggered by being told that. Once I did, unsurprisingly, get told that on Monday I further cemented some of those changes and got a bit stricter about certain things, but in general this has been in the works for a little over a month.

I'm basically dieting, I guess, except I'm trying to be healthy about it and make "lifestyle changes" instead of like going on paleo or whatever. The thing is, I don't believe in dieting. I detest diet culture, I hate moralizing about food and fatphobia and all of that bullshit. I love the anti-diet and fat liberation movements, and while I never fully recovered from my eating disorder, that lense helped me more than any other form of treatment ever has. I am, generally speaking, morally opposed to a lot of what I'm doing right now. But I also need to do it, because I don't want to risk tumor growth and complications or surgery. And I know going into it with this specific motivation and attitude is different than just deciding to diet because I think I need to be skinny to be pretty or whatever, that I'm doing something medically necessary and not actually betraying my values, but it doesn't always feel that way, and that struggle is very hard.

I also don't know how to talk about what I'm doing without using diet culture terms and concepts at times. But I need to be able to talk about this whole experience on my blog, because it's kind of taking over my life atm. So I will do my best to warn for things and I will ALWAYS at the very least use the tag "weight loss cw" on all posts related to this, because I don't want to be irresponsible or trigger people, but I also need to be able to talk about my life.

So. Below this is where I really start talking about what I'm doing and how it feels. Warning for some diet culture language, discussion of restricting certain foods, exercise, food journaling, nutritionists, intentional weight loss, and other related topics. No numbers, but this is potentially more triggering than posts related to my food issues have been in the past because I do discuss specific behaviors.

So. For the past month I've been attempting to lose weight. The current strategies I've employed include: exercising every day, keeping track of what I eat in a food journal, and cutting out a lot of "unhealthy" foods. I hate even saying that, I believe that all foods have a place in a healthy diet (and also that health isn't a moral obligation but that's a separate though related issue). But! I am doing a specific thing and don't have better language to talk about it! Saying "less nutritionally dense foods" just sounds stupid so, whatever. "Unhealthy" or "less healthy" it is for now. The biggest change is I'm not eating refined carbs 90% of the time. There's room for a little bit of them but not much. I'm trying to get a lot of protein, fiber, and healthy fats. Lots of vegetables and legumes and whole grains and whatnot. The good news for me is that I actually already really like a lot of those foods. Lentils are one of my favorite foods of all time, I like all beans, I like most vegetables, I like farro and brown rice, I like carrots and hummus, I like all fruits except grapefruits, etc. I enjoy the foods I do get to eat. So that's nice. But even though I ate all of those things before, these days it's all I eat pretty much. I used to also eat potato chips and m&m's and things like that. But I got rid of all of that stuff and haven't had it in over a month.

I'm also exercising every day. So far it's been primarily on my exercise bike that I have at home, because it has a desk attached and I can distract myself on my computer while I bike, because I HATE exercise. I just hate it. I hate being gross and sweaty and feeling like my heart's pounding and I can't breathe, but that's the fucking point lol. My muscles hurt and sweat drips down my face and it's just miserable. But as of today my dad and I have joined the local community center, which has a pool. Swimming is the one form of exercise I like. You don't feel how sweaty you are because you're in the water, your joints don't hurt, you can pretend to be a mermaid. It's so much better. So that's really good news. Hopefully I'll swim a few times a week and use the bike on the other days, and that will make everything more pleasant and also use more muscles than just my legs on the bike.

The thing is, it's actually not that hard to eat this way? My brain is obsessed with food rules, and has been since I was literally in preschool. I have always had various rules around food. Adjusting those rules to be more permissive is incredibly difficult, but adjusting them to be stricter? Not hard. I'm not tempted to "fall off the wagon" or whatever, because those foods have entered a space in my brain called "forbidden" and so I can't even imagine eating them without an alarm blaring in my head. And that's dangerous. The thing that is hard about what I'm doing is I know I'm in relapse zone, but I don't know how to not fucking be there when I'm trying to lose weight. I'm spending hours and hours each day obsessing about food and exercise, planning what to eat next, researching nutrition information and vegan recipes, etc etc etc. It sucks. I get trapped in these awful spirals and it's just all-encompassing. I've managed to avoid the worst behaviors: I haven't looked up fitspo even though I've had strong urges to do so, I mostly manage to avoid counting calories, and I don't let myself look at the scale. My therapist takes my weight once a week but I don't look. I'm trying to keep things on the healthier side, to not just full on relapse. But it's really, really fucking difficult to do both at the same time. I don't know how to find the balance yet.

The good news is that I found a nutritionist who I think shares a lot of my values and is willing to support me with weight loss, which I was worried wouldn't be possible. Bc all the anti-diet folks don't do weight loss at all, and all the weight loss people are...evil? Yeah, evil. But I really feel the need for professional support, even more than just my therapist, and so I didn't know what to do. But I think I found someone. I haven't met with her yet, but I've gotten in touch and hopefully we'll find a time for next week and I'll be able to update with how she is. Because this is really hard, and trying to balance the physical and mental without falling off a cliff is proving impossible without a lot of help. I have good help from my therapist, but if I could have some additional support it would be a good thing. So fingers crossed for that.

[dhaaruni]

hey, dhaaruni 💜 i'm sorry if this is going to be super lame but you're the one confident, experienced, feminist, smart older (than me) woman i could think of! i haven't had sex yet bc i'm really insecure about my body - i have stretch marks and surgery scars, i'm not happy with my thighs and upper arms, my belly gets bloated easily etc.

i try to be positive about it and keep in mind that most men (i'm straight) aren't that picky and harsh as we girls are about our bodies, and then i go on reddit (yuck, i know!) and see how men talk about our bodies when women aren't around and it's just 🥲 the skinny girls are too flat, the curvy girls are too fat, it's just 🥲 and so many seem to have specific types and fetishes, they'll be reminiscing about their ex's red hair or something while in a happy relationship with a new girl???

i know that this sounds so stupid but i honestly don't know how to talk with people about this. i'm afraid of not being perfect! and ofc everybody says that if a guy is grossed out by scars or asymmetrical breasts or something else that most women have, he isn't the one, and i agree, but i just keep imagining getting rejected for not being skinny/fit/curvy/muscular/whatever enough and it makes me nauseous 🥲

is it really that bad in the heterosexual world? am i too irrational and self-conscious? am i going to die alone if my stomach isn't perfectly flat? are my stretch marks gross? what do i do?

Omg you're so sweet but I'm definitely still a work in progress like everybody else.

So, you seem very smart and clearly have your head on straight. It's very normal to get super anxious given the world we live in, especially when online but my biggest piece of advice to you is to get off r/relationships and similar forums because they are NOT representative of average people, and in fact, attract total maladjusted freaks!

I'm not immune to this either like I once saw an unhinged Reddit post by a guy who was mad that his wife didn't have her body back 2 weeks postpartum even though she'd already lost most of the baby weight and I of course immediately asked my boyfriend if he's going to abandon me if I get pregnant and am not thin anymore and he's like "I love you so no? You obviously will gain weight if you have a child but you're healthy and active so it'll even out in a few months."

And it's true, women are more nitpicky about flaws than most normal men like obviously, men police women's bodies on the holistic level but I guarantee you that most normal men (who aren't lunatics obviously) aren't going to notice if you gain 5 pounds or don't shave your legs lol. I gained a few pounds this summer and my boyfriend didn't even notice even though my parents did and I definitely did, and I lost it but the point stands.

But yeah, I hope that reassured you at least a bit, just try to keep things in perspective and remember the people who are posting about their relationships on Reddit or Twitter are absolutely not normal and the Internet thrives on extreme negativity and not my brand of "when my boyfriend and I disagree, we do so respectfully and negotiate our differences without insulting each other's bodies."

Let me know if you have any other questions!!

[damnfandomproblems]

Posting one compilation of replies in regards to Fandom Problem 5203, and ensuing replies.

Anon:

Re: 5203 some of you are have quite the “piss on the poor” moment. That anon was literally harassed, a commissioner asks for their oc to be drawn, anon said no, commissioner proceeds to tell everyone anon is fucking fatphobic. Learn to read. Also dying at 30-40 when you’re like 500 lbs is just unfortunate reality.

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Anon: (in response to this ask)

No it doesnt but do you wanna count how many fat positivity activists have died around that age because they've convinced themselves its okay to be obese and that they shouldn't try to be healthy or lose weight, or should i? And I don't feel entitled to peoples money. I was confused as to why they commissioned me of all people in the first place. Go ahead and give someone else your money. You cant guilt trip me into drawing fat characters with the "they exist and people draw them" argument. I am very well aware of that fact due to the fact that i have been fat before. Not just chubby, but literally over obese. You don't get to make me feel guilty for not wanting to draw something i view as harmful, something IVE LIVED THROUGH, just because you want to feel justified in harming yourself. I hope you get better and treat yourself better instead of giving up and allowing yourself to wallow in misery.🫰

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Anon: (in response to this ask)

No ones saying you can't have an unhealthy lifestyle when you are skinny, being under weight and not taking care of your body's needs is not healthy . Most of your weight is probably muscle. Not all fat is bad and if your are doing sports you need a bit of fat or else its gonna eat at your muscles. The human body cannot live without fat. But only having fat? Being a hundred pounds over? two hundred pounds over? And its aaall fat? Look I don't agree with a lot of weight loss culture. It's greedy and predatory and often has unrealistic expectations. But just watching your portion sizes, cutting down on fatty meat, eating more veggies, and filler if your body can handle it, cut down on sodas and candy and just taking a 3 mile walk every day you can, fix your sleep schedual, will do so much to improve your health. You may not lose all your weight and it will be hard at first, but you will feel a difference. You just feel better as a human being when you are taking care of yourself. The biggest reason people give up on weight loss is because they want instant and lasting changes. And you cant have both without keeping up with the effort. You didnt gain all your weight in a few months, so you cant expect to lose it in a few months. You have to put in the effort to find a lifestyle that works for you and that you can keep up with. It takes years and patience and self control. And its hard work. A lot of people arent used to living like that. Its legitimately life changing. You have to change, you have to change your life in order to lose weight and keep it up. Its the same for underweight people too. Its hard on them too.

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Anon: (in response to this ask)

I am the one that said im skinny now. Skinny does not mean unhealthily underweight. I'm not skin and bones but I don't have much belly chub now(some people can't help that though due to genetics). I walk a lot so my thighs have a lot more weight to them. I can move around freely and have more strength and stamina and honestly feel better than even when i was a child. I'm not starving myself to the point i can barely keep myself alive okay.

Anon:

"Lack of attraction towards fat people stems from nazi Germany" Just gonna point out that it's not a good look to say this, then have a post on your blog (among other things) that say "Turks deserve to be called donkeys." I dunno. I just see a bit of hypocrisy there. If you're not trolling and you legit think all this stuff, pleeease get offline and find a means to scrub it from your brain.

[bestgirlinc]

The Perfect Soundtrack in a game.

Hey Folks, Wanted to talk about something important to me, music.

See, Music in my opinion is probably one of the most important things in games. It sets the tone, tells a story and sets one of the biggest impressions on the game.

From Serious games to less than serious ones. From MUSIC to Atmosphere and everything in between, video games RELY on their soundtracks more than many realize.

But One question on my mind: What makes the PERFECT Soundtrack?

Well I obviously think that is subjective. Naturally that's up to everyone's own individual opinions.

Mine though? It's pretty simple. It has to work as both a Soundtrack to a game, AND, it has to work as an album. The Soundtrack has to work in both regards and be uplifted in different ways in both regards. Naturally I want to give examples.

Silent Hill 2 is often considered the best in the series, but as far as Music is concerned I think it takes the silver trophy. The Soundtrack is great, genuinely amazing. But the problem with it is that a lot of it feels more just atmosphere than it does music. Take this for example:

This is Ashes and Ghost, a song used for the Blue Creek Apartments section when enemies are around. Is it bad? No, far from it, it works perfect for the game. Sets up the atmosphere great and is an overall great song IN GAME. But it isn't listenable. Mostly just scary atmosphere to me.

But of course, let's also add my favorite:

The Melancholic tone, the guitar that that drives it, the garage tone to the whole thing. It makes it feel more natural and real. The song is down to earth and homey. Perfect for the tone the games give of real people delving into hell (metaphorically speaking)

Now, Does SH3 have atmosphere songs to? Yes, Yes it does. BUT here's the thing. The Soundtrack works though. For the actual SOUNDTRACK, they trim the fat and make it a full actual album. Yeah, I think this counts. To me, if they put the thought of which ones to put in it for you. That works too. The soundtrack's melodic tunes used actually fit a full album. Listen to is and you feel like you have both a great OST and a great album. Here's my favorite.

The Way the song perfectly explains Heather's emotions and pain. The way it epitomizes how much the pain has changed her in just a single night. The way the song sets up all of the emotions. Utterly perfect song, for a near perfect game. Silent Hill 2 and 3 both could be considered perfect, but I give the gold to 3 as it feels like it tried a little harder to be listenable than 2.

Bloodborne is another perfect one to me. The soundtrack is gothic in nature and every boss has a unique song that fits the boss perfectly (Except the Chalice bosses, but we don't count them). The Songs are all amazingly done and fit the game so well, telling the story of the characters perfectly often without any words at all. Here's 2 of my favorites:

This song is why I am giving 2 songs here. This one is very good and super haunting, for many acting as the END GAME'S FINAL BOSS THEME. It's quiet and scary and is a song that you've heard a few times before even all the way back in the beginning of the game. You were MEANT to fight this boss. This is what you were put here to do. You never had a choice as you realize it had been a leitmotif* the whole time in the game.

This song is the epitome of what Bloodborne's music is like. Haunting, intense, intimidating and perfect. Lady Maria stands tall as the Postergirl for the whole DLC expansion: The Old Hunters. Her Song becoming even more haunting when the lyrics are translated (A rare luxury in FromSoft games) Telling the tale of how this whole thing with the fishing village happened and the regret she feels. She isn't a bad guy, she isn't trying to kill you for a bad reason. She just want you to back off and not repeat HER mistake. That whole thing makes an extra layer of sadness to her theme, especially for me who more than repeated it by joining her family's group.

Many out there will wonder which FF soundtrack I think is perfect and while I will tell you my favorite one right after, just for fun. I think this is the best soundtrack they made. Trigger is more the fan favorite but it's soundtrack has some pop culture songs in it which takes me out of it (Robo's theme being the obvious example). This Soundtrack though, oh it fits so well. Not a single song misses the mark. The Music feeling like you've entered into the tropical world of the El Nido archipelago. The composer researching how the music in these places are like to properly recreate it for the soundtrack being the icing on the cake. Here my favorite:

The Opening song accompanying the opening movie paints a picture of the grand journey you are about to go on, and the vast array of unique locations. The Song is beautiful and unique and feels like a song straight out of the world itself, I get lost every time I listen to it.

The swan song for the Turn Based RPG era of Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy X's music plays a pivotal role in the game and fittingly is genuinely beautiful. Feeling like a mixture of sci-fi, Religious and Tropical. The Soundtrack features many amazing beats worth remembering and listening to. I often get lost in the songs. That said not all are album worth and so it's not what I choose as Perfect. But damn is it so close it might as well be.

Auron being the (in my opinion) Best character in the game, if not series, naturally his song is my favorite. He's a man who epitomizes the themes of letting go of the traditions that hold us back and hurt us, and embracing a future where we work towards true happiness. He's the kind of character who I love to cheer and cry about. His music fits him so well that by itself I cry a bit

Of Course I was going to add a fighting game soundtrack. Killer instinct is an amazing special case in fighting game soundtracks. All the songs feel like genuine songs out of an AMAZING album. Each song having a unique feel that explains the character perfectly in every way. Now many love the soundtrack, but why Killer Instinct? Because while I love Guilty Gear's soundtrack as a Silver medal, the soundtrack is poorly mixed in game. Baiken's theme being the best example. I'd show you but it's hard to show via article. But KI does things differently. The soundtrack is dynamic and flows with the flow of combat, making it perfect on that regard alone. On top of that there is the in game mix and the Album mix. Both being great, but the thought to make an album mix makes it all the better. Here's My favorite:

This song is often considered the best in the game. I'm Back to Rise is such a well made song. It's intense and epic while simultaneously tells the story of who TJ Combo is. You get to know him JUST FROM THE SONG ALONE, but you don't sacrifice gameplay. Honestly, I love this OST so much it was the first game soundtrack I actually BOUGHT.

Finally the one that surprises people the most when I tell people: The Sims. The Sims has this great relaxing atmosphere designed to fit in with the retro 60s aesthetic of the game itself. The music is jazzy but in like a GOOD smooth jazz sorta way, while including appropriate other songs when necessary. I often listen to it when I'm out, blending in well with my day to day, while not hindering me like louder soundtracks. Here's my favorite:

Now to me, this shit is so fucking relaxing. I get lost in the beautiful piano solo. I just want to lay down and relax and read a good book, maybe grab a cup of tea with honey and just... relax... Which is perfect for the game. It wants you to feel like that for the fun doll house aesthetic. Building a house in late stage capitalism has never been more fun.

I hope this has been a fun look into my mind and hopefully helped prove my point on what I think makes a perfect soundtrack. If not I hope you at least had fun. Do you have games YOU think have perfect soundtracks? Tell me! I'd love to hear your opinions on what is the BEST Gaming soundtrack!

[wcdonaldo]

anyway I think I've solved the riddle

it seems the answer i've landed on for the cause of my current mental state can be summed up as "I'm not presenting my gender the way I want to and I'm not interacting with enough trans people IRL"

which are two problems that, while not entirely unrelated, have very different solutions

the first problem is relatively easy to solve, though kind of expensive (and made more difficult due to my body type). simply put i need to find more femme ways to dress casually so that i don't feel as gross. part of me wants to dye my hair a little, though I think step one before I go there is to figure out a new hairstyle - I usually just part it in the middle (where it parts very easily but the hair gets kinda thin there) and then loosely tie it back, and then use leave-in conditioner to make sure the hair stays down near my ears. here's a picture as an example, though the hair's kinda messy cause I'm laying in bed at the end of the day

aside from hair (which I'll work on but am probably gonna have to sort out with a hair stylist) i have to figure out two other major concerns with my appearance, which are the red blotches on my face and my clothes. the red blotches are either acne or rosacea (though I'm kinda young for rosacea) but tbqh I need to see a dermatologist about it. again if anybody knows any trans-friendly dermatologists in the chicago area I'd jump at the chance, but it's not priority until i can get that sorted because it's not something I can handle or even diagnose without medical help or knowledge. I kinda want to learn a little more about makeup to help hide it, but even then I want to see if I can reduce the symptoms a bit first.

clothing wise is where gender presentation runs into some money and anxiety issues because what it boils down to is that I actually rather like the stereotypical "programmer socks" and own a couple pairs, but they 1. don't stay up unless I use fashion glue due to my fat thighs and 2. get nervous at the notion of wearing them in public or even around my apartment. i have two roommates, one of whom i would be upset if he called me cringe for wearing these in my mid-20s (the other roommate i do not particularly care for their opinion, he regularly seems to "forget" I'm a girl), so i think i might pull him aside and talk to him tomorrow to tell him not to judge me openly. even then there's a lot of anxiety about wearing it in public, or even other thigh high socks, though that can be hopefully changed if I start hanging out with crowds that also dress that way. aside from that my other issue is frankly that I don't have any outfits to wear socks or tights with; I have one dress that they might maybe work with, but even then I don't have anything short enough that I can casually throw it on without covering the top of the socks (they go up really high, like almost all the way to the corners of the crotch. they might actually be a little too tall but idk enough to say). i don't even know where i would start looking, considering that whatever I'd find would have to have at least like a 46" inch waist. to be honest ultimate goals would be wearing an outfit like that with a hoodie or a sweater? neither of which i own (more money...) but that can be fixed. I don't know what else i'd wear as a top and again I'm not suuuuuper sure where to start looking, but i think the hoodie would be a step in the right direction.

and to be clear here the clothing thing is entirely me just aping the way I see other trans girls dress online, and while i like the way it looks and understand the general style I've never quite understood any decisions that went into it aside from "it looks good"-- the biggest mystery of my life has been watching other trans women give clothing advice and always talking about "framing the shoulders," which is a phrase on par with wizardry to me. i simply have no idea what that means and it's never really been explained to me in a way that makes sense. all i really know is that the way I've dressed since I transitioned has mostly mirrored the way I dressed before I transitioned. this picture of me where I felt relatively confident looks like a somewhat more femme version of the way I dressed in high school and freshman year college

this is more or less how I've dressed all my life, except before this year I didn't own any camisoles at all and all my bras were sports bras (for convenience) so i just had whatever shitty tshirt I could find with kinda small breasts. it's very casual and practical and doesn't deviate a whole lot from what i already know, but what i already know isn't good enough. it doesnt feel right when I look in the mirror, it doesn't make my heart race. it makes me feel allergic to my own clothing. in summary i need to change or die trying, which hopefully can be done on a budget and with some help from some friends

the other major issue, frankly, is the same as always - i need to surround myself with people a little more like me. going to support groups hasn't really panned out, and has involved me meeting other trans people that I would define as "normie" - not to mention the one time I went down to boystown and took a breather in the center on halsted, and the security guard there gave me the stinkeye the entire time. i really don't like the word "normie" but frankly it's the word in my vocabulary that fits the best - these were people who I would define as my brothers, sisters, and siblings, and yet we shared no other commonalities, no interests at all. people where aside from being trans, felt like they were entirely culturally different than me. this issue is a hell of a lot harder to solve than buying clothes (though it ties into relieving the anxiety of how I dress in public by having other people who dress similarly) and frankly i'm not sure where to even start on trying to solve this one. i'm planning on taking chances on anime conventions and hoping to find other people there, but who knows what luck I'll have with that; i've made maybe two friends that i actively talk to since high school, and my social skills have kind of atrophied as a result. it helps to have other people along to push me into social situations, but i can't always have people i know there (especially since everybody i know who'd be willing to go with is eternally busy).

I think some of this also ties into trust issues in my romantic life (implying that I have one) and general feelings of loneliness, but logically I think before I can really handle being in any kind of relationship I need to get myself in a mental state where I can actually believe that somebody would feel something for me other than revulsion or mild annoyance

so yeah I think that sorts out my issues, and maybe (hopefully) gives me a place to start getting shit figured out again, and get to a better mental state. thank y'all for not unfollowing me during my monthlong mental breakdown lmao. maybe i'll email this post to my therapist

[multifandomslxt]

Okay, so there is this Asian boy in my class right.

I have the biggest crush on him like I can't even explain it.

so like all I did when he first came was just look at him..from a distance tho

We've spoken a few times and we studied together for finals last semester so we're kind of acquaintances.

Lately, he's been very talkative with me and it's not helping my crush on him at allllll.

The other day I tried blonde braids right? And he was literally gushing over me.... what do I do...is he just being friendly?

sometimes he just stares at me yk...and I'm not the most confident so I start becoming self conscious after awhile

but last week I wore this dress to school right...its kinda like the skims dress and one of my other male friends made a joke about how they could see my rolls and I started to feel insecure.

later I heard that my crush and that friend had an argument about it and he threatened him not to say things like that to me which made me feel really good.

He's always checking in on me and stuff and just like your bf (you guys are so cute btw) he throws a fit when I don't eat.

I really like him and I know that I shouldn't think like this but I'm black...I'm dark-skinned and fat and ik that's not what guys like him usually go for...he's tall, athletic, smart and really fucking hot but what if he's just being friendly or just feels sorry for me?

I'm so scared to approach him....advice?

Sweetheart, first of all, he does not sound like an acquaintance at all.

and secondly love, from one black woman to another I'm telling you right now it's a blessing for others to even be able to look at us...your skin does not define you honestly it does nothing but adds more beauty to you.

So what if you're dark-skinned? so am I and so are many other people. Don't allow others to trick you into thinking your skin is some kind of disadvantage...have you ever seen yourself glow when the sun shines on you? Baby, you are a fucking star.

I know the media is always painting dark skin women as some type of unattractive monster but trust me when I say it's out of jealousy and ignorance...you are not automatically -ed out of being someone's love interest because you're dark skinned and if they do that thank God because you dodged several bullets.

thirdly, being fat and being ugly are two very different things. You have extra flesh okay...and? so, because you have back rolls that makes you unlikeable? NOPE!

girl you better cut that shit out!

I don't know you but I love you and I hate when the people I love talk badly about themselves.

Your body is your temple. Understand me when I tell you your body can hear you...when you think and speak badly of it...it shows.

I wish I was beside you to give you a good smack you need to understand bitches could never be you..they only wish they could.

and to that boy that was running his mouth knock him out nxt time ...actuallyy don't do that. next time just remind him just how much he's unwanted and how unnecessary his entire existence is😊.

fourthly, I think he likes you. and im sure anybody reading this ask agrees right guys?

staring at you?

gushing at your hair? (blond braids on dark skin is superior)

making sure you eat?

always checking in on you?

defending you against that bitch?

he likes tf outta you.

if you're scared to approach him though... just drop subtle hints.

IMO though i think he'll say smt soon.

also, I can't even imagine what he was thinking when he saw you in that dress AGIFGIEFHJOFEFRJ

GIRL HE MUST HAVE BEEN FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!

ik you ate the fuck up out of that fit.

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!

[johnstagecomedycom]

Instant Mastery Syndrome

IMS is when a person reads a couple of articles, watches a bunch of videos and quickly becomes an expert ready to give a TED Talk on the subject. It's sort of a man thing. We call it, "going down a rabbit hole".

It's the exclusive reason I will not watch backyard beekeeping videos. I know what happens. I end up custom making a hive in my backyard, cultivating a colony and buying a queen bee off eBay.

I don't even like bees; I'm allergic to bee stings; I don't consume that much honey; I can't stand farmer's markets. None of that would stop me though. I would just bring honey everywhere I went, giving it to my friends. I'd just be the bee guy and have all kinds of bee facts. They have five eyes and two sets of wings. They can fly up to 20 mph. Boy bees are called drones and females are called worker bees. Bees are the only insect that produces food for humans. Honey never expires. You need twelve bees working their entire life to produce one teaspoon of honey

Ya, I'd the honey bee guy. Sure I'm bitter, but I have honey.

I blame IMS.

You have to be careful when you're in your 30's and 40's. That's about the time you get a hobby. Your hobby will define you, so pick a good one. Do you want to be the ghost hunter lady or a tree shaper. Do you really want to be known for pickling or candle making or soap carver. Want to be the model airplane guy or the guy who makes playlists. How about underwater pumpkin carving?

What you want to be associated with is something cool, like a guitar guy. People think guitar guys are cool. Guitars are the biggest cover up. Really good guitar players are fuckin' nerds! Root notes, minor thirds, diminished chords, sus. If you got that, you're a nerd. People like guitar guys though. They rock; they shred.

Don't be a magician. Magician. It's funny how we're all nice to magicians to their faces, but make fun of them behind their backs we make fun of them, relentlessly. "I'll be he has a deck of cards on him. Last time I talked to him he found a coin behind my ear and stole my watch." There's usually a magician in the audience that thinks I'm not talking about them because they only know 2-3 tricks. No, I'm talking about you. "I'm not a magician. I'm an illusionist." You're a 'delusion-ist', thinking you have friends.

Instant Mastery Syndrome.

The worst hobby is fitness. I don't know who's more annoying - someone getting fit for the first time or born-again Christians. I don't want to hear about your ice-bath or eating clean or your new kettlebell work out. I'll put it to you straight, "We need to take a break from being friends. Call me when you're fat.

I don't care about your gym's amenities or how tough leg-day was. Keep your workout selfies and protein regiment to yourself. I don't care about creatine. I don't want to know your sleep schedule. I won't hear another word about your Core. Does my middle finger fit in your core?

Call me when you're back to eating pizza, smoking cigars, and drinking beer. I'm sure I'll see you in six months.

I am guilty of IMS. Every time something breaks in my house, I go immediately to the internet. I rewired my dryer in the laundry room. I can heat the whole house with it. Don't put cloths in there. They'll catch on fire. I put in a new light switch in my bedroom. Now there's two things in there I can't turn on.

I am terrible at plumbing. Every time I pick up a wrench, my wife picks up the phone. "Who are you calling, a plumber?" "No, a divorce attorney." My wife's patients drains faster than our kitchen sink. The only thing fixed in my house is the dog.

[try1ngtobepretty]

day 1cw: 44.4kg ch: 157cm bmi: 18.4 gw: 35kg

day 2 no i don't like my height, i wish i was a little taller (like 160 cm at least) but i'm growing to like it more now that i'm losing weight

i'm skipping day3 and any other days where i have to post pictures because i don't like making thinspo lol

day 4 my biggest fear about losing weight is doing way too fast and making hair fall put or even dying. like I'd feel so guilty is people were worried

day 5 I want to lose weight because I'm low key really short and it makes me look bigger than I am. I'd just rather be skinny and petite (it makes me feel more worthy of love but we dont talk about that 😪)

day 6 I've never binged before and I'm scared I will one day

day 7 yes they know and my mum keeps trying to feed me

day 8 i just do whatever i can for as long as i can. these days i've been doing treadmill a lot though

day 9 i've been called 'too skinny' before, it was said maliciously but it was just motivation to be honest

day 10 spending time with family is definitely harder now considering a lot of people o know express love through feeding or cooking for each other (which i find really sweet but definitely not ana friendly lol)

day 11 skipping again bc it's thinspo

day 12 i normally eat a lot of strawberries and watermelon since they're kind of my safe foods. but on met days i usually have some kind of noodle soup

day 13 i'm not too sure, it's probably unhealthy because of my eating habits but i do exercise and take care of myself in other ways to balance it out

day 14 35kg and i want to reach it as soon as possible

day 15 I want to be vegetarian but my mum won't let since she doesn't think I'll get enough protein. but I do think it helps with fat loss

day 16 I'm not too sure, I'm pretty sure I woke up randomly and realised I was fat when I was like 12 lol

day 17 no of course not

day 18 probably any Japanese food

day 19 a few months ago I think

day 20 not eating at all

day 21 UK petite size 4 on top and 6 on the bottom

day 22 i'm pretty sure it was 40kg and i gained during recovery

day 23 yes definitely but i think that's the case for most people

day 24 i don't care, to be quite frank. i don't use it personally because it's gives the vibe of promoting the mentality but i see people use it all the time

day 25 nope, never. i think purging relates more so to binging than starving which isn't something i do

day 26 feeling dainty and doll like and just being more feminine in general

day 27 i try my best to stay away or at least not look at it

day 28 so badly it's the cutest thing ever

day 29 beauty is subjective, i can't define it. however for myself, it would literally just to be as thin as possible with the most princess personality i can conjure

day 30 (this is so hard idk me) -im a girl -ive been ana since i was around 12 -i used to have cherry red hair - i love lana del ray -im learning spanish -i have won awards in languages and maths -i live in the uk -i am currently doing my gcses (year 10) -i grow my nails out all the time so they're usually quite long -im a make up artist for friends and family

[oncominggstorm]

I feel like such a loser sometimes, like something must be SO wrong with me, because why don't I have friends?

I'll see people who are like, objectively worse people than me. People who are mean or selfish or bigoted or assholes, and they have friends.

I'll see other people who are shy and nerdy and awkward and they'll still have friends. Other people who are fat or ugly or disabled, and they still have friends. Other people with even weirder more niche interests than me, and they still have friends.

But I don't have friends.

My parents had friends. My mom not so much anymore I guess, but when she was in her teens and 20s and early 30s, she had a bunch of friends (including, now that I think about it, a bunch with really weird names that feel like they have inside stories behind them, like Big Bob and Cokey and Butch and Blind Bill and Chopper). She even had two best friends who we grew up calling our aunts, whose kids we called our cousins, who we saw all the time.

My dad had friends, too, despite being one of the most grumpy and anti-social neurotypicals I've ever met. Like, multiple friends that he had his whole life. One who he was in a band with from age 16 til like age 60 or something (idr how old he was when he quit. All I know is that friend of his was the most annoying guy I'd ever met). Another who he met at work like 20 years go, who he went to football and baseball games with, sometimes even weekend guys trips (one time I remember said friend coming with us on a trip to St Louis when I was like 15). His best friend from high school literally drove 5 hours one way from St Louis so he could come to my dad's funeral in person (even though we were streaming it online for people who couldn't make it).

My grandma, who is 80 and has late stage dementia, STILL gets occasional visits and phone calls from a friend who she has known since childhood, who grew up down the street from her.

Meanwhile I don't think I've EVER had a friendship last more than like, idk, 7 years? MAYBE? Usually whenever the thing I met the friend through (school or work or w/e) ends, the friendship ends.

And I've NEVER had a CLOSE friend, EVER. I've NEVER had someone that I felt like I could call up if I needed to talk, or invite to just hang out and do nothing. I've NEVER had someone I felt like I could trust with my secrets. I've NEVER had someone I felt like would really be there for me when I need them. I've NEVER had someone I wasn't worried was gonna drop me the second I was a little too weird. I've NEVER had a friend I didn't need to mask around.

I haven't hung out with a friend since like, 2015 maybe? I no longer HAVE any friends.

And I don't even know how to begin trying to find friends. I'm not in school, I don't work (and am not able to), I have no community at all. Like I swear I am not exaggerating when I say the ONLY people I interact with on a regular basis are my mom, grandma, 2 sisters, and therapist. That is IT.

I can't even figure out how to make friends on like, tumblr. Let alone irl. But I desperately need some friends. I know everyone says you have to fix yourself first before you find people to love you or whatever but I just like...1.) don't know how true that is and 2.) genuinely don't know that it's possible for me.

I have been trying to go it alone for SO LONG. And I've been REALLY trying. I go to therapy twice a week. I put in the effort. I really really am trying. Like for the longest time I genuinely believed that I needed to "fix" myself before I could have friends, that I am the problem. But now I know that all the stuff I thought I needed to "fix" is actually just the autism and isn't going away.

But I feel like the biggest things missing from my life, the things that would ACTUALLY help me start feeling better and doing better, are things I CAN'T give myself. Support. Love. Companionship. A shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold. A hug. Someone to spend time with. Like, I am very much missing those things in my life. And I don't think it's wrong to want those. And I don't think it's wrong to say my life would be better and easier if I had those things.

Idk. I'm just really lonely and I feel like no one likes me or will ever like me and like I'll be alone forever. It gets harder and harder the older I get too cuz it's like, when I was 15 and lonely, sure it sucked but I still had the rest of my life ahead of me! I had college and a career and a future, I'd meet people! But now I'm 33 and I'm done with school and I can't work and I have no friends and I don't know how to make friends and most people my age have way more life experiences than me, they're already past the "making new friends and hanging out talking and watching tv til late hours of the night" stage of life, they're into the "married with kids and we see our friends for 2 hours for dinner once a month" stage of life, and I'm very decidedly not. Like I'm still craving the experiences I missed out on in high school and college.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

If the piece fits, I might still try on another. 10-19-24

"Neither political party is clean when it comes to tactics that divide our people." - Roy Barnes

or

"To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Bernard Baruch

I was typing the date, after I wrote everything except the quotes, when it dawned on me . . .that date is my birthday. Lol

In good Pawpaw fashion, I'll be at my youngest grandsons birthday party today. Is there a better birthday than getting a little time with with . . .loved ones for our birthday?

I have several family and a few friends that would gladly help you understand that taking time with loved ones for granted could cost you more than the most time.

Now, on with the show~

There are people who struggle with what they’re going to wear almost daily. I'm not talking about people who literally don't own clothes. I'm talking about those people who "feel" like they don't have anything to wear, but who go through their closets, picking through and inevitably find something like 99% of the time even though they felt defeated before they started. It's irrelevant whether or not they feel they look good or feel uncomfortable at the end. They do find something to wear.

It's similar to the people that go through their fridge, and every cabinet of their home looking for something to eat or for a snack just to feel like there isn't anything even though there is food in there. Sometimes shopping was just done. Lol. Either way, they look tireless, only to "settle" for something they probably put in that kitchen by choice anyway.

Words, these entries are sometimes a struggle for me like that. Not always, but enough.

I can't imagine people who write articles every day. I used to, ya know? Write every day.

For the first 9 months that I subscribed to this new life, way back 10/11 years ago, I wrote something every single day.

It was a lot of nonsense, a lot of struggle, and with a ton of grammatical errors, and misspellings, as most was written in Notepad not in Word, or in a program5 designed to help with a bit of automatic correction(s), but . . .

But it saved my life. I will, until I physically can not, always figure out a way to put forth an entry.

I do still talk about kindness, gratitude, and peace, and although I try to limit pieces based on religion and politics, it is hard to let it all go by the wayside.

This piece isn't meant for either of those ends, but I will say that tolerance has been my biggest battle. The "trying to show love to the unlovable" or "tolerating those who don't tolerate others" is a "for me" cause or greater good.

Both sides make me sick to the stomach a lot, and its more because of the hate and division than it is because of their belief in policies and ideologies, even an extremely large percent of those on "my side" of politics and religion do this.

Seems no one even knows what the higher ground feels like or cares anything of its benefits anymore.

But I digress. It didn't mean to veer off course.

I meant for this to be a struggle for something to wear, while ending up wearing . . .something.

And for the how and why of it, of course.

I think I've found it too. This is the word I'm going to wear today.

Do I look ok in it? Or does it my . . .ego look fat? I really don't wanna change, so please be kind.

No, really. Lol

I wonder if everyone could see past OUR differences to live in peace what that would truly look like, from the wars over seas, to the unrest among the citizenry in our country.

Peace is better earned instead of forced, but either way, it should be the goal. Right?

Keep sharing your love and your laughter with the world around you and always remember that kindnesses are a beautiful way to reflect the love we actually have in our hearts.

Until next week;

"I have no time for either the left or the right, to me it’s outdated thinking. We need to find a way to move beyond that and bring people together . . . before it’s too late

I’ve noticed though both the left and the right claim to be “for the people” one of Corbyn’s claims was “for the many not the few” which of course was a nonsense cos those who dared to disagree got lots of hate and abuse, I know cos I was one of them." - unknowingly stolen from Terry Barnes Facebook commenter