#and that made me think that it might be cool to write a wip about someone going to edinburgh and i can put some diary entries in

[planeoftheeclectic]

Hello, Peregrine 4 for the WIP Wednesday ask game please!

Also, what's this about a dnd character's Inigo Montoya speech? That sounds awesome, you should work on that too.

3 minutes of editing done! Here's the first three sentences of Snorri's Inigo Montoya speech!

____

You don't know me. But you know my mother. Or rather, you knew my mother.

[zickmonkey]

I need to stop thinking about new book ideas

[physalian]

“How do I know if my story needs work or if I’m just being hard on myself?”

As I sit here accepting the fact that at 70k words into Eternal Night’s sequel while waiting for my editor for Eternal Night itself, that I have made an error in my plot.

Disclaimer: This is not universal and the writing experience is incredibly diverse. Figuring this out also takes some time and building up your self-confidence as an author so you can learn to separate “this is awful (when it’s not)” and “this is ok (but it can be better)” and “this isn’t working (but it is salvageable).”

—

When I wrote my first novel (unpublished, sadly), years ago, I would receive feedback all over the chapters and physically have to open other windows to block off parts of the screen on my laptop to slow-drip the feedback because I couldn’t handle constructive criticism all at once. I had my betas color-code their commentary so I could see before I read any of it that it wasn’t all negative. It took me thrice as long as it does today to get through a beta’s feedback because I got so nervous and anxious about what they would say.

The main thing I learned was this: They’re usually right, when it’s not just being mean (and even then, it’s rarely flat out mean), and that whatever criticisms they have of my characters and plot choices is not criticism of myself.

It did take time.

But now I can get feedback from betas and even when I hear “I’d DNF this shit right now unless you delete this,” I take a step back, examine if this one little detail is really that important, and fix it. No emotional turmoil and panic attack needed. I can also hear “I didn’t like it” without heartbreak. Can’t please everyone.

The only time I freak out is when I'm told "this won't need massive edits" followed up by, in the manuscript, "I'd DNF this shit right now". Which happened. And did not, in fact, require a massive rewrite to fix.

So.

What might be some issues with your story and why it “isn’t working”.

1. Your protagonist is not active enough in the story

You’ve picked your protagonist, but it’s every other character that has more to do, more to say, more choices to make, and they’re just along for the ride, yet you are now anchored to this character’s story because they’re the protagonist. You can either swap focus characters, or rework your story to give them more agency. Figure out why this character, above any other, is your hero.

2. Your pacing is too slow

Even if you have a “lazy river” style story where the vibes and marinating in the world is more important than a breakneck plot, slow pacing isn’t just “how fast the story moves” it’s “how clearly is the story told,” meaning if you divert the story to a side quest, or spend too long on something that sure is fluffy or romantic or funny, but it adds nothing to the characters because it’s redundant, doesn’t advance the plot, doesn’t give us more about the world that actually matters to the themes, then you may have lost focus of the story and should consider deleting it, or editing important elements into the scenes so they can pull double-duty and serve a more active purpose.

3. You’ve lost the main argument of your narrative

Sometimes even the best of outlines and the clearest plans derail. Characters don’t cooperate and while we see where it goes, we end up getting hung up on how this one really cool scene or argument or one-liner just has to be in the story, without realizing that doing so sacrifices what you set out to accomplish. Personally I think sticking to your outline with biblical determination doesn’t allow for new ideas during the writing process, but if you find yourself down the line of “how did we get here, this isn’t what I wanted” you can always save the scenes in another document to reuse later, in this WIP or another in the future.

4. You’re spending too long on one element

Even if the thing started out really cool, whether it’s a rich fantasy pit stop for your characters or a conversation two characters must have, sometimes scenes and ideas extend long past their prime. You might have characters stuck in one location for 2 or 3 chapters longer than necessary trying to make it perfect or stuff in all these details or make it overcomplicated, when the rest of the story sits impatiently on the sidelines for them to move on. Figure out the most important reasons for this element to exist, take a step back, and whittle away until the fat is cut.

5. You’ve given a side character too much screentime

New characters are fun and exciting! But they can take over the story when they’re not meant to, robbing agency from your core characters to leave them sitting with nothing to do while the new guy handles everything. You might end up having to drag your core characters along behind them, tossing them lines of dialogue and side tasks to do because you ran out of plot to delegate with one character hogging it all (which is the issue I ran into with the above mentioned WIP). Not talking about a new villain or a new love interest, I mean a supporting character who is supposed to support the main characters.

—

As for figuring out the difference between “this is awful and I’m a bad writer” and “this element isn’t working” try pretending the book was written by somebody else and you’re giving them constructive criticism.

If you can come up with a reason for why it’s not working that doesn’t insult the writer, it’s probably the latter. As in, “This element isn’t working… because it’s gone on too long and the conversation has become cyclical and tiring.” Not “this element isn’t working because it’s bad.”

Why is it bad?

“This conversation is awkward because…. There’s not enough movement between characters and the dialogue is really stiff.”

“This fight scene is bad because….I don’t have enough dynamic action, enough juicy verbs, or full use of the stage I’ve set.”

“This romantic scene is bad because…. It’s taking place at the wrong time in the story. I want to keep it, but this character isn’t ready for it yet, and the vibe is all wrong now because they’re out-of-character.”

“This argument is bad because…. It didn’t have proper build-up and the sudden shouting match is not reflective of their characters. They’re too angry, and it got out of hand quickly. Or I’m not conveying the root of their aggression.”

—

There aren’t very many bad ideas, just bad execution. “Only rational people can think they’re crazy. Crazy people think they’re sane,” applies to writing, too.

I just read a fanfic recently where, for every fight scene, I could tell action was not the writer’s strong suit. They leaned really heavily on a crutch of specific injuries for their characters, the same unusual spot getting hit over and over again, and fights that dragged on for too long being unintentionally stagnant. The rest of the fic was great, though, and while the fights weren’t the best, I understood that the author was trying, and I kept reading for the good stuff. One day they will be better.

In my experience beta reading, it’s the cocky authors who send me an unedited manuscript and tell me to be kind (because they can’t take criticism), that they know it’s perfect they just want an outside opinion (they don’t want the truth, they want what will make them feel good), that they know it’s going to make them a lot of money and everyone will love it (they haven’t dedicated proper time and effort into researching marketing, target audiences, or current trends)—these are the truly bad authors. Not just bad at writing, but bad at taking feedback, are bullies when you point out flaws in their story, and cheap, too.

The best story I have received to date was where the author didn’t preempt with a self-deprecating deluge of “it’s probably terrible you know but here it is anyway” or “this is perfect and I’m super confident you’re going to love it”.

It was something like, “This is my first book and I know it has flaws and I’m nervous but I had a lot of fun doing it”.

And yeah, it needed work, but the bones of something great were there. So give yourself some credit, yeah?

[monbons]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tags @rimeswithpurple and @messofthejess. Your projects both look fab!

I am committed to posting "The Boy Next Door" by the end of September, so to keep myself accountable I am going to WIPSday it up more frequently. I don't know if I can share much more of Chapter 1, but I do think a behind-the-scenes might be cool. So, without further ado, here's the first two-page spread in my notebook for when I started planning. (Nothing spoiler-y!)

Given the premise of the fic, I realized almost as soon as I finished the outline and started drafting chapter 1 that I needed to be very, VERY sure of my setting before writing even one more word. Since Baz can never leave his home, most of the fic takes place inside of Baz and Simon's adjoining row houses, and as I imagined them moving about their rooms/homes, I needed a very clear picture of where everything was or my narration would get muddled. Hence, the detailed floor plans right down to the location of furniture and plants!

Another aspect of the fic that immediately became apparent (and that my fabulous beta @thewholelemon helped with significantly) was filling all the time. When one character cannot leave their home, they need to find ways to stay occupied, not just for days at a time but for YEARS. So, I sat down and brainstormed possible hobbies and life events and the next two page spread--which would be a huge spoiler--is a rough timeline of every year Baz has spent locked up inside his home and what he did during that time.

While I did a fair bit of world-building and prep-work in terms of timelines and setting locations for Eternal Life, it was nowhere near as involved as this. I suppose that is the drawback of a full AU where all you have is your imagination to help fill in the details. Ultimately, not all of what I planned made it into the fic, but it was very helpful when drafting. I frequently turned to my floor plans so I had a sense of Baz's surroundings as I was writing a very physical scene, or I referred to my timeline for in-world consistency or even just to have a sense of the feelings Baz might bring to a moment given his history.

Maybe all this work was a bit much, but when am I ever not a bit much? Can't wait to share more soon! Tags below the cut.

Hellos and high-fives: @raenestee, @roomwithanopenfire, @cutestkilla, @hushed-chorus, @bookish-bogwitch

@iamamythologicalcreature, @emeryhall, @mooncello, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @noblecorgi

@artsyunderstudy, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @best--dress, @brilla-brilla-estrellita

@run-for-chamo-miles, @supercutedinosaurs, @whatevertheweather, @talentpiper11, @larkral

@shrekgogurt, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @blackberrysummerblog, @talentpiper11

@drowninginships, @valeffelees, @orange-peony, @facewithoutheart, @alexalexinii

@ic3-que3n, @skeedelvee, @fiend-for-culture, @beastmonstertitan, @melodysmash

@martsonmars, @katatsumuli, @comesitintheclover, @stitchyqueer, @erzbethluna

@palimpsessed, @ileadacharmedlife, @theimpossibledemon, @letraspal, @rbkzz

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Here's another long-winded post about me combing through BG3 early access files in search of Aylin and Isobel tidbits - rummaging that already resulted in this post right here. Let me just say I'm pleased to have brought Aylin Silverblood some attention because, again, I think it's a dope name.

Now, obviously, Isobel and Aylin are both Act 2 characters, and early access only covered Act 1. So anything related to them is partial stuff that wasn't scrubbed from the game files for whatever reason, and a lot of placeholders (these are usually indicated by |the text being in vertical lines|). This all means that sometimes (usually!) there are no nice voice lines indexed by UUID and parseable dialogue trees, and you have to trawl through a giant localisation XML of every bit of text in the game instead. An additional complication is all these stories were in flux, but older bits of writing from deprecated iterations didn't get immediately removed from the files, so it's sometimes hard to tell what belongs to which version.

The biggest luck I've had with regards to these two is the 24/11/2021 version of the game - EA Patch #6 Hotfix #19, aka game version v. 4.1.1.1356845, aka the source of Aylin Silverblood (my beloved). Here's a handy list of the patch and hotfix history, if you're like me and interested in this stuff. I'm actually wrangling files from 5 versions of the game right now, ranging from March 2021 to July 2022 - it's been a fun time. This old datamining post on reddit really helped narrow down the timeframe for me to look into.

Why am I doing this? I genuinely find it fun and interesting! There's some neat writing to be found! I crave more Isobel at all times! And I'm always into WIP and "how the sausage is made" type stuff. Also, tons of cool inspo for fics and headcanons.

Note, because I know that's a popular EA tidbit: this is all from after the Halsin killing Isobel variant was scrapped. This is, in fact, the version where she gets killed and soul trapped by Balthazar, and Aylin gets framed for it.

I'm going to start this off with my favourite part, and that is snippets of an early version of the Aylin/Isobel reunion from 2021. I've done my best to put them in order, but be aware a lot of this is still me speculating.

|[CINE: Nightsong teleports the party to the plaza in front of Last Light. As she looks around trying to familiarize herself, Isobel notices your arrival from the balcony. Her reaction is pure shock, followed by an immediate rush down the stairs.]|

|[CINE: Isobel dashes out of the front of the inn, wide-eyed and out of breath. Nightsong stares at her, stunned.]|

Aylin: |(distant, shocked) Isobel.|

Isobel: |Aylin...|

|[CINE: Nightsong takes an instinctive step towards her but stumbles, collapsing to her knees, eyes blown with pain and disbelief. Isobel closes the distance between them in hasty steps, trying to help Nightsong up, but Nightsong tightly grips at her arms - as if the contact makes everything real.]|

|[CINE: Isobel's eyes fill with tears as she drops down to the ground, throwing her arms around Nightsong's shoulders in a tight embrace. Shaking, almost fearful, Nightsong returns the embrace - the first kind touch she's had in a hundred years.]|

|[CINE: Nightsong draws back from the hug, looking Isobel in the eyes. Isobel helps Nightsong to her feet. As the two of them stand, they keep their hands linked.]|

Aylin: |A hundred years. Isobel, light of my heart, where were you? (choking up) I found your body, I....|

Isobel: |I was dead, Aylin. For so long. It was Balthazar - he trapped my soul, he-|

Player: |[Doesn'tKnowRelationship] You were lovers? Did Ketheric know?|

Aylin: |(jaw tightens) We were lovers. Her father was against it. He saw nothing but future misery. I'm immortal. I would never age, but she would.|

Isobel: |He didn't understand. It doesn't matter when... (fearful, as if worried Aylin's feelings might have changed) ... I still love you so much.|

Aylin: |(her first genuine smile) And I, you. No trial or pain could ever change that. (relaxes a touch) It is why I couldn't leave your body, even when they came. Balthazar and that Sharran witch told your father that I was to blame.|

|And he believed them over you?|

Aylin: |(frowns) He believed what he wanted to believe. Ketheric saw his daughter dead, and he saw someone he wanted to hurt. Shar took that cruel thread, that moment of mortal pain, and used it to corrupt him to the core.|

Aylin: |I was put on trial, and I had no defence. The moment it was over, I was taken down to the temple and... well, you saw what they had done.|

|Isobel presses against Nightsong's side, face tight with worry, running her fingers in slow strokes up and down Nightsong's arm.|

|[CINE: Nightsong tilts her head back towards the player.]|

Aylin: |These heroes saved me. Without them, I'd still be trapped in Balthazar's soul cage, with Ketheric gripping my heart like a leech.|

|[CINE: Isobel's face falls at the mention of her father's name.]|

Isobel: |A *soul cage*? Gods.|

Isobel: |I didn't know. Gods, he didn't say a word to me. I ran away because it was Balthazar that brought me back. As I ran, I heard my father shouting... but I'd seen enough. There was no saving him.|

Aylin: |You are not your father, Isobel. (sad, wry smile) You were the only thing that kept me alive in the dark. When hope began to fade, I simply thought of you.|

Isobel: |[To player] Thank you. (smiles wide) I... I can't possibly thank you enough, for bringing Aylin back to me.|

|Nightsong smiles too, but she's lost looking at Isobel, completely tuning out everyone else around them. Isobel leans in, resting her brow against Nightsong's and closing her eyes, Nightsong's hand clutched to her chest.|

Then, there is an option to press Isobel for details:

|You said the necromancer trapped your soul. Why?| |Was Balthazar the one who killed you, Isobel?|

Isobel: |(hesitant, visibly guilty) I think Aylin would know better than I do. The last thing I remember is a blade in the dark. Too fast to feel pain. Then silence.|

Asking Isobel to go with you to Moonrise was possible at various points, leading to different responses:

Will you come with me to Moonrise? I could use your help. If we're going to stop Ketheric, you have to come with me.

Until there is a way to keep Last Light safe, I cannot leave. All I can do is pray. |Not if everyone is killed at Last Light in my absence. I'll do everything I can to help you from here, but I won't go with you.| |Not if everyone is killed at Last Light in my absence. If someone else could take my place, I would go with you. I swear it.|

|Nightsong is here, she will protect Last Light - let's go to Moonrise, like you promised.| |I want to spend the night with Aylin. Meet me at Moonrise tomorrow.| |Nightsong will protect the people while together we can stop Ketheric.|

Isobel: I... we need to get close to him, don't we? And Aylin can protect Last Light in my absence. Aylin: Isobel, I have just gotten you back. To put yourself in his hands again-

Looks like we would've had a flip of the current Act 2 boss fight, and Isobel would be the ally for the confrontation with Ketheric, not Aylin. Also, that one line right there that is our first indication of Succor™, gotta love it. Sadly, post-reunion I only have:

|TBD: Post Nightsong Reunion.| |How are you and Aylin doing?|

To borrow release version Isobel's stock line: KEEPING VERY WELL, I HOPE? In any case, I'm putting the rest under a cut, featuring options for calling Isobel out on her parentage, Aylin being from Mt. Celestia, and Balthazar being gross - among many other things.

At one point quite early on, Isobel's protection from the shadow curse wasn't a spell, but an ointment:

|Ointment of Selûne| |Ointment Container PLACEHOLDER| |Isobel filled this with precious doses of her sacred Ointment of Selûne.| |First get the ointment from Isobel.| Have you received Isobel's ointment yet? What protection can her ointment offer, exactly? You should see Isobel. If Marcus does crop up, I'd sooner you had her ointment to protect you. Can use that cleric's ointment to get you on your way. But I have to move out - now. Can I get some of your ointment? No more theories! It's time for action. Our secret weapon needs to travel to Moonrise Towers, which means they'll need your ointment. You have the ointment. You have the Gate Stone. Moonrise Towers awaits. Are you sure the ointment will last long enough?

What is now Isobel's Ominous Cough was a gradual weakening that was remarked upon and seemed to be there to create more of a sense of urgency:

I won't claim to know Isobel's craft, but Selûne's light is bright in her. Isobel's tough - though she was tougher at the start. I've rarely seen a cleric so in tune with her goddess, but the curse is taking its toll. The light used to be stronger, Isobel. How much more of this curse can you take? You look paler than death, Isobel. How much more of this curse can you take?

We have some nice concise infodumps on Ketheric:

After Ketheric turned to darkness, the Enclave joined with the Harpers to unseat him and his Sharran cohorts. We marched together, fought together, bled together... and in the end we prevailed.

Only it wasn't the end. Nothing seemed to kill Ketheric himself, so the Harpers decided to seal him in his own tomb, alive. They thought that would be enough. But they hadn't counted on Ketheric unleashing the shadow curse. We watched it drain all light and life away from this place, saw it twist people into abominations. The Harpers lost hope.

Ketheric wove the curse on this land. The moment he was sealed in that tomb, Shar's poison devoured everything in its path.

Fallen paladin. Champion of Shar. He was building an army bent on unholy conquest, but we stopped him. Killed him. Buried him.

It was not enough. General Thorm lives again. He's built a new army, and this time he marches under the banner of the Absolute.

November 2021 is the earliest mention of Aylin I found, mostly marked as not finalised and placeholder dialogue (and that reunion up there). The Nightsong as present in that patch is still very different from what we ended up getting - nobody was killing her, in fact people were coming to get her "kiss", and there was a whole thing where it seems like Shar would directly take control of her and you could help her overcome the curse, or abandon her to it - or kill her. 

Embrace the Nightsong and be sworn to Eternal Shadow.

Anyway, here are her lines (all of these exist as voice files, which is rare for stuff I put in this post - but they're done by a voice actress who doesn't sound like Helen Keeley, our final Aylin VA, so I don't know what to make of it all tbh):

Shar is the Nightsinger, and I am her Nightsong. I am her instrument, transforming the faithful into shadows. I've been here for centuries. Do you know how many priests of Shar came here, full of faith, seeking my kiss? I've been here for centuries. Thousands of Sharrans came here seeking my kiss. I drink their sorrow, their loss, their grief. Then I vomit it back into the world. All of them are shadows now. That is Shar's only reward. But Ketheric returned for my kiss, over and over. You're the first to survive my kiss intact. You're the only one who can help me. Please, you have to help. No one's ever resisted the kiss before. No one has ever resisted my kiss. But you are not merely *one*, are you? That thing in your head must be incredibly powerful to resist a goddess. Perhaps it's also divine in nature. Because a mind can't survive two masters. It breaks us. Shar's attention must be elsewhere. Speak quickly. She's watching now. She's waiting to steal my voice. But it won't last. Please - listen! I was captured by Ketheric Thorm, Shar's chosen. He turned me into this creature. I'm a slave of Shar. She owns me, just like that thing in your head owns you. I want to sing my own song. Not Shar's. Not *Ketheric's*. Find Ketheric. Kill him so I can be free! Slay Ketheric. His wretched existence binds me to this temple. Oh. That made her angry. The Lady returns! She has me again! *Again!* Stop! You've driven her away!

I am not your *spectacle*. Turn away before I strike you blind. Tell them to come and receive my kiss.

Some possible relevant tags, interactions, and outcomes include:

|The soul cage has greatly weakened Nightsong| |Debug: click to save Nightsong (sets the flag to talk to Isobel)| |We sided with Ketheric and doomed Nightsong.| |Companion comment!||But if his power is linked to this Nightsong, there must be a way to unlink it.| |You have taken control of Ketheric's Soul Cage| |You are bound to Ketheric's soul cage, taking his regenerative powers for yourself| |Bound to Soul Cage| |Soul Cage Key| |Soul Cage Research| |The book details the necromancer's research on the soul cage| |There is a glimpse of Isobel's ghost, as she takes her Father with her to the afterlife.| |There is a glimpse of Isobel's ghost terrified and in agony. Both Isobel and Ketheric will disappear.|

At one point Isobel delivers her own, Ketheric's, and Aylin's backstory as "a story", but sadly I can find very little of it, just disjointed fragments:

You seem to know a lot about Ketheric. He was a devout Selûnite who converted to Shar. They say it was Ketheric's purity that drew an angel down from Celestia. You're Isobel Thorm. The daughter who died in that story.

And there seem to be many options to question Isobel about her hiding the truth about her father:

Why are you lying to me, Isobel? Everyone thinks you're dead, Isobel. Tell me the truth, Isobel. Everything. Still, Isobel might have saved us some time had she been honest from the beginning. |Why didn't you tell me what happened from the start, Isobel?|

Ketheric. Don't you mean your father? Ketheric is your father. I know the truth. Ketheric told me at Moonrise. He wants me to bring you home. I need your father to trust me. He wants you back. You sent me after your father - Ketheric. I think we should discuss Ketheric - your father - first. For all you've said about Ketheric, you left out the part where he's your father.

To which I've found some responses:

And would you have trusted her? Ketheric's daughter? Why didn't I tell you that I was murdered, that my soul was locked away for a hundred years? What would I have told her? That my father murdered her fellow Harpers, but that I can surely be trusted?

[Attempt to read Isobel's thoughts.] *You see Ketheric standing before Isobel, although the memory is hazy. His words are unclear, but his tone is not - he is pleading with her.*

Brought back by the same man that killed me. Balthazar. Standing next to my father with a smile on his face.

But I'm not sure it would have mattered. To stand with that man, my father has surrendered to deepest evil.

I would love to know what the whole pleading thing is about, and what Isobel "didn't know" that she claims didn't matter anyway.

My father. After a century, he somehow brought me back. But I saw the monster he had become. I couldn't bear it... I ran. I ran until I found Last Light. It was like a second home to me, once. I've been studying the curse ever since, searching for answers. Trying to restore the damage my father has wrought upon this land. It's possible I may have to sacrifice myself. But this is my father's crime.

And then, there is this nugget I cannot place but that I like: 

|Your father's due will come.|

There is also an option to tell her Nightsong is Aylin (who was, at this point, a full celestial - no mention of being connected to Selûne, though, and in fact, if she was indeed from Mount Celestia as mentioned in the "story", she would not have been):

Isobel: My father's curse still blackens this earth. Have you found anything? Player: A celestial, chained to Ketheric's soul. Player: They called her Nightsong, but she told me her name was Aylin. Isobel: Aylin. She... she's alive. I knew she had to be, I… Player: Ketheric's necromancer took her to Moonrise. Isobel: His necromancer? Gods, you have to free her. Isobel: You have to go to Moonrise and free Aylin. When Ketheric is weak, this can all be over. Isobel: The truth is that I would give anything to see her again, and anything to stop my father. Free her, and you do both. Isobel: At least, the shell of my father. There's nothing left of the man that championed Selûne. Isobel: Find her. Free her. If Ketheric isn't stopped, all of us are doomed.

Player: |[Doesn'tKnowName] Aylin? Care to explain?| Isobel: The angel in my story about Ketheric. That was Aylin.

Speaking of Balthazar. Some lines from him:

[Introductory note: please imagine everything Balthazar says spoken with a wheezy voice, as if he's permanently out of breath.]

[I need to retrieve the Nightsong, but the temple is haunted and my minions cannot make it past the trial grounds. I cannot go there until the ghosts have been dealt with. Now that you are here on behalf of Ketheric, you will do all this for me.]

I, Fodder, am here on behalf of General Ketheric Thorm. Down in the depths of this temple writhes his desire. I am to bring it to him.

I created the Nightsong for General Ketheric, many moons... HEAR THAT SHAR? Many moons ago.

*As you hold the necromancer's mocking gaze, you can tell how it starts to dawn on him you are not the mere minion he thought you were.*

Along the way I found some more recent Patch 8 (2022-ish) gross Balthazar lines, some bits of which have actually survived to release:

She was a unique specimen even before I began my work. Aasimar. A god's blood united with mortal flesh.

Such fine clay she was. We grew quite close as I… remoulded her. Now she is General Thorm's shield. Her strength is his to drink upon. His pains are hers to bear.

If I never exceed her, I will still die happy. If I ever do something as gauche as truly dying, that is.

Utterly revolting! Makes my skin crawl! Man deserves a yeeting into the Shadowfell a hundred times over! But in order to not end on a gross note, I leave you with:

Ketheric Thorm. Murderer. Oathbreaker.

Aylin Silverblood. My true name. Nightsong was only ever a curse.

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

pairing: chan x curvy/plussizedfem!reader (afab)

genre: idol!chan. curvy/plussized!reader. hurt/comfort. angst!! slight fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ ONLY. reader pov. established relationship.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. mild thematic elements. the angst is real and raw in this. reader deals with a lot of online hate for many different reasons (this includes things like: age discrimination, fat-ph0bia, and online bullying). territorial/protective chan. smut warnings below cut!!

word count: 6.7k

summary: against your boyfriend chan's wishes, you had made a twitter account after many years - and what a mistake that was. now, you're left with the aftermath of the damage, and chan is the only person who can pick up the broken pieces of you.

18+ warnings: unprotected sex (stay safe out there, guys!) but reader is on birth control. chan has a fixation for reader's tits lmao. fingering. someone gets a handjob... 👀 DIRTY talk. youngerdom!chan. oldersub!reader. making out. manhandling and slight size kink. praise kink. nipple/breast play. body worship. riding. excessive hair pulling/scratching. BREEDING KINK!!! pet names (babydoll, babygirl, kitten, etc.). daddy kink. multiple orgasms is alluded to. someone gets fucked on top of a table.

a/n: OKAAAY- firstly, I just wanna give a big shout out to my dear, sweet friend Belle (@cb97breathing) for being so kind as to request a chan oneshot, and inspiring me to write this dumpster fire of a fic lmao!! 😂 I told her that my requests have been closed since may, but since she's such a wonderful friend, I've made an exception this time around~ 🫣 anyways, hope you enjoy this lil piece babe... you'll have to lmk what you think ehehehehehe... 😈 I wrote this in a single sitting last night, so it might make like, no sense at all but I seriously don't give a flying fuck at this point, so enjoy!! 💀

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). © ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

Soon after the two of you had started dating, you had promised your boyfriend Chan that you would never go online to search for fans' comments about your relationship. Whether they were good or bad, he had made you promise him that you'd never read such things because it wasn't good for your health. 

And for the most part, you'd kept that promise to him. 

  For years, you had left social media alone. Avoid making any form of account to begin with, that way you wouldn't be tempted to read some of the shit that people said about you online. 

  You were a pretty strong woman and could withstand a lot of chaos. This had proven to be true after Chan announced your relationship, as some of the Stray Kids 'fans' hadn't taken to the news very well. Instead, they stormed the streets of his company, protesting against the relationship and making humungous threads online as they tried to expose you. 

  But lately, you could feel yourself slipping. 

  At first, it had just started with making a harmless Twitter account. You had wanted to follow your boyfriend's private one that the fans didn't know about. And for a little bit, everything was okay. He didn't know about your activity online, and you wanted to keep it that way. 

  It was one day though, when you were feeling especially shitty about yourself, that you happened to stumble upon some random Tweet. 

  The things that the anonymous person had said about you dug deep inside of you. Reached for your heart and squeezed it in an icy, vice-like grip. 

  Then, it wasn't too long before you found yourself on the wrong side of social media. 

  The one that was full of darkness and hatred and violence. 

  And everything that you saw was always about you and Chan. But mostly, the sick people focused on you. 

  Nitpicking everything about you. 

  Your personality, 

  Your words, 

  The worst things they talked about were linked to your body and age. 

  Sure, you were on the curvier side of things. But Chan had always made it crystal clear from day one that he found you absolutely beautiful. The first time the two of you had met at that random club in Seoul all those years ago, back when Stray Kids was newly debuted, he had told you how stunning you were - inside and out - and he had only talked to you for an hour at that point. 

  These people who hid behind their screens online liked to point out your age, too. About how you were a few years older than Chan. They called you all sorts of things and claimed that you were a golddigger for getting with someone so famous. 

  Chan had never mentioned your age gap before. He treated you like you were his peer and not someone who had quite a few years over him. Because that's the kind of man he was - he didn't care what you looked like or how old you were. All he cared about was you... and what you were like on the inside. So all of the frivolous things that other guys worried about were cast to the sidelines, as he only ever focused on your inner spirit. 

  Obviously, your boyfriend was a rarity. 

  Even still though, you could feel your self-esteem tanking with each comment that you read. Each thread, each video. They only unraveled you a little bit more with every day that passed. And you knew that they truly weren't fans. Because people who loved Chan would never hurt him and you the way some of them were doing. 

  But that didn't change the fact that it really fucking hurt. 

  You knew that you shouldn't have made the Twitter account. But now that you were on it? Now that you were constantly checking what others were saying about you? You couldn't seem to stop. 

  Like a drug that was slowly overtaking your system, you couldn't get enough of it all. 

  The hate, 

  The shame, 

  The ridicule. 

  It spread throughout your veins, making you feel exhausted and angry, and heartbroken. 

  But of course, your boyfriend could never know of such things. Sure, he checked social media to see what fans were saying, but he didn't have that much time to hang around and catch the shitty side of things. 

  No, you had promised him you'd never go on social media, so you intended to keep everything a secret. He had warmed you away from it all early on since he knew how horrible people could be online. 

  And to be honest, you felt a little ashamed, too. To become so affected by the abhorrence that you were losing sleep over it. That you were losing your appetite, too. You could feel your motivation tanking as your brain replayed countless things that people were saying about you. 

  So there you were, snuggled under a fuzzy blanket and tucked in the corner of the large, black leather couch that was in your boyfriend's studio. It was late on a weekend night, and he had called you over to the company to hang out with him while he worked. 

  Although, you weren't really focusing on him after a while. Instead, you were scrolling through Twitter in silence, taking in the newest things that random people were saying about you.

  User 570 - "nah that fatass could neverrr bag such a hot guy like chan, she totally seduced him or some shit."

  User 194 - "I heard that he's into like, a mommy kink and that's why he fell for her while he was still so young... didn't they start dating when skz was still newly debuted??" 

  User 006 - "bro don't get me STARTED- this dumb bitch is over here thinking that he genuinely loves her... gurl, he's probably cheating on you with one of the itzy members hahaha" 

  User 288 - "Not her thinking she actually had a fighting fucking chance with our chan-"

You were pulled from the comments by the sound of a voice talking. You looked up to see that your boyfriend was turned around in his desk chair, muscular arms folded over his chest as he stared at you. 

  "Y/N." 

  The way he was calling your name, so seriously and without any hint of playfulness, sent a ripple of unease to course down your spine. 

  "Y-Yes?" You asked, gently placing your phone face-first down on the couch beside you, that way he couldn't see what you had been looking at. 

  "Did you even hear what I was saying?" He rose a dark, perfectly-manicured eyebrow your way. For Stray Kids newest comeback, he had dyed his hair platinum blonde again. He did it in part because his stylists had said he'd look good with bringing it back. But mostly, you knew that he had done it for you, since him being a blonde had always been one of your biggest weaknesses. 

  "Oh- no, sorry, I was kinda distracted..." You mumbled, fingers playing with the blanket around your waist, palms digging into the soft fabric as you felt your heart beat against your ribcage.

  Chan threw you a deep frown before he placed his headphones down on his desk. He had been busy producing for the past two hours, and with a glance at the clock just above his head, you read that it was well past midnight. The company was quiet, signaling that everyone had gone home for the night. 

  Everyone except you and Chan, at least. 

  "I was asking if you wanna get takeout," Chan began, running a hand through his blonde locks and messing it up even more. "I'm pretty sure that fried chicken place just down the road is open 24/7, so we could get that if you'd like." 

  You felt yourself shaking your head. Because honestly, soon after reading the comments from that night, you had lost all form of an appetite. "I'm not hungry right now. But you can get something if you'd like, babe... do whatever you want." 

  Without saying another word, you picked up your phone again. And already, you were getting lost in a sea of new posts and comments that had appeared while you were distracted. 

  "Baby." Chan's voice came out softer than before, but it still didn't pull your attention away from the darkness that was seemingly at the edges of your fingertips. "Baby- listen to me." 

  That got your attention. Automatically, you were lifting your head again, blood thrumming in your ears as you watched the swarthy look cross over your boyfriend's face. 

  "What's going on with you lately?" He said, leaning forward in his chair and resting his elbows atop his knees, showcasing his bare forearms. If you were in a different headspace, you'd be turned on by the sight of him like that - light hair all disheveled, and loose-fitting black t-shirt beautifully showcasing his muscular arms. "You've been acting different these days, and it's making me worry."

  You tried to flash him your best reassuring smile, but you got the feeling that it looked a little more like a painful grimace than anything else. Because the only thing that was worse than all of the hatred was his finding out. No, you wanted to keep all of it away from him. Hide it inside yourself, that way only you'd be the one affected by the shadows. 

  "I'm fine, Chan. Don't worry, nothing's going on..." Your voice trailed off, as you caught his intense stare. Then his eyes were roving over your form, before stopping at your phone that was clutched in your hands, held close to your chest. You could feel the crimson blooming in your cheeks as he began to take notice of your secrecy regarding the device. 

  He was rising from his chair then, nearing you slowly. If he moved too fast, he'd scare you away irrevocably and there would be no comeback for him whatsoever. "What's got you so distracted, hmm?" His question came out hushed as if only you were meant to hear it. 

  The anxiety danced in the pit of your stomach, as anxious butterflies flitted around your system from his approaching nearness. "Oh, uhm- just a friend from... high school." 

  "Oh yeah? What's her name?" 

  "Uh- Vanessa." 

  "What're you guys talking about so late at night?" 

  You shifted uncomfortably in your position, limbs turning a little shaky at his closeness. If you reached out, you'd be able to touch him. "Just... girl stuff." 

  Chan laughed at that, but it held no humor. No mirth whatsoever. Instead, it was dry and sardonic and left a hole to begin widening in your heart. 

 He knew, 

 He knew,

 He- 

"Lemme see." 

  You knew it had been coming as soon as he had started grilling you about your phone. Even still, the two little words forced your eyes to widen frantically. Heart pushing against your ribcage in anxiety, you held on a little tighter to your phone. 

  "I don't really know if-"

  "Give me the damn phone, Y/N," Chan said, his voice a little more raised than before. The firm line of his lips pressed together and his eyes that were dancing with a myriad of feelings told you everything you needed to know. His hand was already outstretched, as he waited for your next move. "I won't ask again." 

  And you knew he wouldn't. 

  Because if you didn't comply, he'd force it out of your hand. 

  Chan was a gentle man, with a beautiful soul and a love for humanity. But if there ever was a threat to the people he loved, if he ever held any sort of suspicion that something was amiss, he wouldn't hesitate to take the reins. 

  And that usually meant it came out in the form of anger - of pure, unadulterated rage, as he battled against whatever force was hurting his loved ones. 

  So just like that, you were raising the white flag. You were admitting defeat, as you slowly placed the phone in his open hand. 

  Holding your breath, you leaned back against the couch, waiting, and watching. 

  At first, nothing happened. 

  He stared at the phone in silence, eyes scanning the bright screen. 

 But then, everything changed. 

  In an instant, his face was morphing into something dim and... scary. Eyes turning to slits as he read the obscene things that were right there on your phone, strong jaw ticking as he stood there. You saw the way his hand gripped on a little harder to the phone, knuckles turning white with his barely masked anger quickly rising to the surface. 

  You didn't realize you were crying until it was too late and the first sob was flooding from your mouth. Pathetically, a small whimper escaped from deep inside of you as your heart raced in your chest from the way your boyfriend's entire persona was morphing into a man who was beyond furious. He was probably seeing red at this point. 

 "Please- Chan, d-don't be angry with me!" You suddenly burst out in a tiny wail. Your desperate voice seemed to shake him from the laser focus that he had on your phone's screen. It yanked his eyes away from it and soon he was staring back at you. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" 

  You had no time to react then, as he was throwing your phone aside haphazardly and dropping to his knees on the floor. In the next breath, he was upon you, reaching out with those strong arms of his and pulling you into him. 

  Like two puzzle pieces that were made to fit together, you melted against him. He wrapped his arms around your body, holding your shaking form close as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, the sobs racking through you. Your heart was beating so fast, you were afraid you were about to drop dead right at that moment. 

  But your boyfriend's hold on you saved you. Grounded you, forced you to take deep breaths slowly but surely. Relaxed your muscles until you were feeling a little light-headed from all of the exhaustion and pain. The entire time, Chan remained quiet, merely carding gentle fingers through your hair as he soothed your aching spirit.

  And when the tears finally subsided, you were pulling away from his form, peering up at him with pink-flushed cheeks and bleary eyes. "A-Are you mad at me?" 

  Chan stared down at you, taking in a deep breath before he was speaking for the first time in a while. His voice was gruff, but not as stony as it had been earlier. "Why would I ever get mad at you for the shit that psychos say online?" He reached up towards you, tucking a few strands of your messy hair behind your ear. "I mean, yeah, I'm disappointed that you got a Twitter in the first place, but I'm even more disappointed in the fact that you didn't tell me about any of this."

  You felt the tears prick at the corners of your eyes again at the mention of his disappointment in you. You hated the feeling that you had let him down. It tore through you like a painful slash, the icy blade digging into your soul and ripping open a cacophony of emotion. "I-I'm so sorry babe... I... I didn't want to worry you. I just... thought I could handle it on my own." 

  Your boyfriend fit a few fingers underneath your chin, tipping your head up so that you met his gaze again. "Babygirl, this isn't something you can handle on your own. You're not supposed to have such a heavy burden on your shoulders- no one is supposed to. But because we live in such a shitty world, things like this happen." His thumb moved up your face, as he gently swiped at your bottom lip. The gesture eased your racing mind, slowly calming your heart as you came down from the intensity of it all. "I'm just glad that I know about it now so that I can help you." 

  You went silent after that, searching his face as he looked on at you with soft fondness. The anger had completely dissolved out of him as soon as he had seen your tears. Because that's the kind of man he was. When things got emotional, all rage he once felt was left to the wayside so that he could help you through the pain.

  "Y-You have to know, that none of it is true, babe," you started, stuttering over your words from the dryness in your throat. "I... I didn't start dating you because I'm a gold digger or that I have a thing for younger guys and I-"

  Chan brushed his thumb across the corner of your lips again, offering you a soft, easy smile. "Honey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I know full well that all that bullshit is completely groundless." You two had separated and he was back in his chair, with it rolled so close to you that your knees touched. Chan reached out with his free hand, grabbing yours and squeezing your palms together. "I fell in love with you at first sight because I saw what a genuinely beautiful human being you were. And I've continued to fall in love with you every single day since then. Your age- your size, none of it matters to me. You know I don't care about those stupid things... all I care about is you." 

  You roughly scrubbed at your eyes, willing the tears away so that you could get a clearer look at his face. "Y-Yeah, I know... it's just, it's hard not to believe the things they say, you know?" You gave him a weak, humorless smile. 

  "That's the exact reason why I didn't want you going on social media... I wanted to protect you," he began, raising your clasped hands to his mouth and pressing a few gentle kisses against your knuckles. "I love you so much and only want the very best for you. And I always want you to be safe, yeah? I'm not gonna let anyone - online or in real life - hurt you like that again. I promise." 

  This time, the grin you gave him was genuine and warm. "I love you too, Chan..." You whispered, as you leaned into him and gave his cheek a light peck. "So much. And I'd do anything for you - fight anyone to keep you okay." 

  "That's my sweet girl," Chan's praise forced the peachy-pink tinge to creep up the column of your neck, pooling in your cheeks and rising to the tips of your ears. "Now come over here and sit down, I wanna show you some of the stuff I've been working on." He pat his lap, and you felt your heart leap in your chest. 

  He was trying to distract you. He was trying to pull your mind away from the contempt and all of the turmoil that he knew was still brewing deep inside your mind. 

  So you let him. 

  You let him pull your mind away to softer, quieter things. 

  And soon, you were situated in his lap with the fuzzy blanket wrapped around your shoulders. With your spine pressed into his firm stomach, you watched him type away at his computer as he pulled up a sample. 

  "This is something I want to put on our new album... I think it'd suit Changbin's voice fucking well." He mused off, as he began to play an expert of the song. It was fast-paced and upbeat, with a subtle hip-hop vibe to it. 

  You slightly turned to the side, offering him a faint smile, "I really like it, babe... feels like a great song to play in a concert." 

  "I know right? I haven't shown the guys it yet, but I have a feeling that they're gonna love it." 

  Giggling softly, you turned around so that you were facing him. He titled his head up to meet your regard, and you reached out, carding a few fingers through his blonde locks. 

  "You're so cute when you're excited about music," you muttered, tilting forward to give his forehead a gentle kiss. And when you pulled away, you flashed him a tiny smirk. "Hot, too. Like, really fucking hot. Makes me so jealous when I watch those producing vlogs you make and I see all of the fangirls going batshit crazy over you." 

  You had never confessed to watching some of his vlogs, since you didn't want him to think that you were stalking his content. But automatically, you could see the switch flip inside your boyfriend's mind. 

  Instantly, he was mirroring your smirk. Sparkly white teeth pulled taut against his lips as he peered on at you with a suggestive light dancing in his eyes. "Oh really? Well, just wait until you hear this next track..." 

 He pressed a few things on his keyboard, and soon, a song with a deep bass was booming out of the studio's speakers. The sensual r&b feel of it vibrated around the room, wrapping around the two of you and causing something heated to stir in the pit of your stomach. It was quite dark in the studio, with the only light atop his desk casting a faint glow across Chan’s smooth, tan skin. 

  "I think I like this one even more."

  Chan's gaze was still locked with yours, as you felt his hands move away from the keyboard, instead resting on either side of your hips. "Good, because I made it for you- for us." 

  Brows furrowed in confusion, your heart skipped a beat at the admission. He had made songs for you in the past, but nothing quite so... alluring. "What do you-"

  He cut you off by his fingers digging into the fabric of your shorts, making you squeak out in surprise. "Made it one night when I was pumping myself dry to that picture of you- you know the one... black lingerie, in front of our bedroom's full-length mirror..." He ground out in a raspy voice, leaning up into you and nuzzling the tip of his nose into the exposed skin of your neck. He took in a shuddering, deep breath, and as you restlessly shifted against his lap, you could feel the growing hardness there, hidden just underneath his black sweatpants. "Imagined what it'd be like to fuck you to it... have you screaming my name as you ride my cock so perfectly- the way you always do. Was inspired by the thought of you taking me so well that you can’t talk anymore, that you go fucking mute and all wobbly-legged as I fuck that tight, little cunt of yours wide open with my cock." 

  "C-Chan, I..." But you were cut off once again, this time by his head moving downwards, as he pulled the neck of your oversized tee down so that your clavicle was exposed to the cool studio air. 

  Then his teeth were grazing over your skin, biting down softly, tongue swiping and soothing, and you already knew that violet and crimson would bloom from that exact spot when he was finished. 

  "You'd like that, huh?" His low voice rumbled against your skin, shooting freezing shivers up the entirety of your spine. "Like me to fuck you right here while this music is playing on in the background." 

  And the words were already leaving your brain, surging out of your mind as the fire began to blaze in your core. It made everything around you deep red, as you honed in on your boyfriend at that moment, and how he looked up at you with a sardonic kind of smirk. 

  You nodded quickly. Desperately. "Holy shit, yes- yes, please... I... need you to fuck me right now." Without even realizing it, you were grinding against him. In your heated frenzy, you hadn't even registered the fact that you were moving back and forth on his clothed lap. 

  Chan reached up then, running a few of his slim fingers through your hair, before he was grabbing onto your locks, pulling back slightly so that your neck was more exposed than ever before. "Such a good girl..." His lilting tone praising you so well made you squirm in your spot, your legs positioned on either side of his waist. "But you know what good girls do, right? They... ask nicely." He said the last of his words in a quiet whisper, his tongue lapping at your sensitive clavicle once more, sucking and kissing the expanse of skin there. 

  Then he yanked a little harder at your hair, forcing your eyes open in shock. You bit down hard on your bottom lip, as you subtly registered the sound of that new r&b track he had made repeating on itself. He had set it to that, already knowing how the night would turn out. 

  That devious little minx. 

"Please-" You breathed out, whimpering softly at the feel of his hardness hitting that one spot between your legs. "Daddy, please... want... want you to fuck me right now. Need it so bad, I-I can't breathe I need you so much, Daddy." 

  Chan was silent for a moment, and just as you were about to whine for him all over again, he was moving. Fingers grabbing onto the hemline of your shirt and slowly lifting it up your torso. "Well... I guess, since you're being so good tonight, I have no choice but to give in to you." He said in a low tone. 

  His fingertips grazed against your stomach as he made his way up your arms with your shirt, teasing you silently. You cried out at the feeling of him being so close to you, yet he wasn't even doing that much. He hadn't even started yet. 

  Once your shirt was off and cast to the side, he made quick work of your bralette, and soon, that was forgotten too. Chan pulled away from you to admire your topless form for a few seconds, shaking his head from side to side in approval and smiling like a maniac. 

  "Always loved your tits so fucking much," he purred, face nuzzling into the middle of your chest just as one of his hands came around one of your mounds, squeezing slightly. "Whenever I see them like this, it makes me wanna suck on them for days- fuck it, months." 

  Then his head was moving to the side, as he pressed fervent kiss after fervent kiss to your exposed breast. You clutched on tight to his blonde locks as soon as his mouth hovered over your hardened peak. His breath was hot against your gooseflesh, making you shake with unchecked want. 

  "I'd let you too," you sighed just as his tongue poked out between his mouth and came in contact with your bare skin. "If I could live the rest of my days with your face buried in my tits, I probably would do it in a heartbeat..." You felt yourself beginning to slip off the cliffside in that moment, as his teeth grazed your nub, sharp canines sinking into your skin while his hot mouth fit around your cleavage perfectly. 

  "Fuck- pretty sure you're gonna be the death of me, baby doll," his mutter jolted across your flesh, sending flashes of white-hot bliss to dance through your veins. His head was moving after that, focusing on your other tit while his hand played with the one he had just had his attention on. 

  Expert fingers pulled and tugged, twisting and soothing. You felt the warmth rising into your cheeks, and as you closed your eyes, you swore you saw little stars dance across your vision from the way that his head was buried so well between your cleavage. 

  "D-Daddy, I can't-" You were suddenly begging, hands wrapping around his locks and pushing his face closer to your skin. 

  He was drawing away from you at that, lips wet and a little puffy from the abuse that he was giving to your tits alone. Dragging a finger across the line of your jaw, he played with your bottom lip for what felt like the millionth time that day, all the while flashing you one of those smirks.  

  The one he only used when he was especially turned on. 

  "I know baby girl, I know..." He gave you a teasing pout, just before he was tipping into your form and his lips were nearing yours. "You want Daddy to make it all better, yeah? Want me to use my cock on you now?" His mouth fit around yours, his tongue dipping between your teeth and tasting you. 

  You moaned into him, loving the way he met your grinding midway. The two of you were moving in perfect sync to the music softly playing from the speakers. And as his tongue lapped at yours, you could faintly sense one of his hands leaving your hip, traveling to the waistline of your shorts and sliding down the front of them. 

  Chan swallowed whole the shuddered gasp that fled from deep inside of you as you felt his fingers toy with you, running along the line of your panties before he was dipping in. Then you were turned into a shaking mess of limbs and whines, as he slipped his hand close to your throbbing core, thumb circling your sensitive bud, pressing into it and drawing senseless figures while another one of his long fingers toyed with your entrance. 

  His lips moved away from yours, a string of saliva following in the wake of your separation. Slowly, his mouth came over the shell of one of your ears, teeth gently grazing your lobe as he said in that dark voice of his, "Hmm- already so nice and wet for me... you're gonna take me real easy tonight, yeah, dollface?" 

  Your head was bobbing up and down in silent agreement, a string of breathless cries flooding from your lips at the feeling of two of his fingers sinking into your essence. You moved around his hand, swiveling your hips in a rhythm that matched the beat of the sensual song playing in the background.

  Yanking a little harder at his bleached roots, you forced him to peer up at you. Catching the way his eyes were hooded and the shadows of the room danced across the sharpness of his cheekbones and nose, you could take a pretty good guess as to how close he was too. And he wasn't even inside you yet. 

"N-No more teasing, Daddy... please." You knew he loved all of the begging. He admitted to such a thing early on at the start of your relationship. If there was one thing you could get away with in bed, it was begging. Do a little light groveling for him and his cock, and he was all yours. 

  In the next beat, he was ripping his hand away from your soaking core, hands making quick work of his sweatpants and boxers. Soon, his shirt was off too, showcasing his toned abs and biceps. Once he was finished shucking off his pants, he turned his focus back on you, lifting a suggestive eyebrow your way. 

  "Go on, kitten- stroke it." He motioned with a single tilt of his head downwards, and your eyes followed his gesture until you came in contact with him. All throbbing seven and a half inches of him, tip already puffed red and leaking out precum. 

  You gulped around the lump steadily forming in your throat, your lips already parting in silent want as your eyes traced the long vein that ran up the length of him. He was utter perfection and a sight to truly behold. His half-naked form always left you breathless, no matter how many times you had seen him. 

  Without another word spoken between the two of you, you reached forward, hands coming around his rigidness. Instantly, upon contact, he threw his head back against his chair, moaning out in that husky voice of his. 

  Slowly, you began to stroke up and down, pulling and squeezing only slightly. You could feel him practically swelling underneath your fingertips, as he neared his release. And just when you thought he couldn't take any more of it, your boyfriend was clawing at your bare hips, guiding your body so that your entrance was sitting just above his cock.

  "Fuck- I love your body so much," he growled, as he helped you get into position. And as you began to sink down onto him, his eyes tore open and met your gaze. The emotion you found there - of pure love and adoration - did something funny to your stomach. Cast butterflies across your entire system, making you feel all floaty inside. "Love every inch of you- every curve, every dip, every dimple." 

  As the words fell from his lips, you were beginning to move against him, hips making languid circles, pushing back and forth to feel the tip of him hit that spot deep inside of you. Chan worked against you, thrusting up between your folds and steadily helping to build the rising release inside of you. 

  "Yeah- just like that," he groaned out, face flushed a dark red colour from the way you fit around him so perfectly. The wet sounds of the two of you moving together in tandem cast a whole new form of lewdness over the track that was playing in the very background. Made everything so much more hotter. "Taking me so well- this pussy was fucking made for me." 

  You clawed desperately at his shoulders, nails raking down his proud, muscular back. He met each one of your movements by plunging so far into you, you could feel your insides melting from how badly your orgasm was approaching. 

  "You feel so good, holy shit, I-" You began to say but froze up from the feeling of Chan moving the two of you again. And soon, he was frantically pushing aside the things on his desk that was just behind you, shoving his keyboard aside as he grabbed onto your hips and hoisting you up onto the lacquered wood. 

  You had no time to catch your breath then, as he was wrapping your legs around his torso and beginning to plunge into you on a whole different level. Before, riding him had been languid and sensual. But this new position was ravenous and wild.

  And as his cock reached all new places inside of you, you faintly sensed the feeling of a thumb pressing against your bundle of nerves, rubbing incessantly there to drive you closer to the edge. 

  "You said you were jealous of the Stays that fangirled over my producing form, right?" He ground out, pounding into you so irrevocably hard that you could do nothing but hold on for dear life. Nails digging into the muscles of his shoulders, you bounced against him with each push and pull. "But you know that there's no one else for me, kitten. You're still my favourite girl." 

  That had you crying out in white-hot bliss, as he fucked into you a little rougher, thumb rubbing at your clit a little faster. Your hips moved on their own accord, meeting his rocking halfway and driving you so close to the cliffside of orgasm.

  Your boyfriend bent down towards you then, tongue tracing the line of your lips as he gave you a feverish kiss. "Want you to say it, yeah? Tell me that you know." The tip of him hit into that gooey spot with every other breath that you took, and it was hard to even focus on what he was asking of you. 

  Even still, you managed to control your bearings. Over the curses and cries that had been flowing from your lips unbidden for the last half hour, you spoke up. "I-I'm still your favourite girl." You said in a desperate plea, head tipping back in pure ecstasy and eyes rolling into the back of your skull from how good he was making you feel. 

  "Say it again." 

  Another couple of frantic pumps. 

  "I'm still your favourite girl." 

  "Again!" 

  At this point, he was ordering loudly in that gravelly voice of his, one hand digging into your hip so tightly, you were sure you'd see bruises there the next day. Meanwhile, the other was busy between your legs, working you up to a total and complete frenzy while his cock fucked you right open. 

  "I'm still your favourite girl!" You screamed out in a strangled moan, your quickly-approaching orgasm making everything cast in a film of red haziness and confusion. 

  "Good..." Your boyfriend praised, stroking into you with sloppy movements as he approached his high. "Such a good girl for me... my special, pretty girl." He was buried so deep you could feel him turn completely rigid as he finally approached release. "Now come for me, baby doll..." 

  And that was all you needed to hear. 

  Instantly, you let yourself go, riding the wave of pure, cosmic euphoria. 

  It shook you to your entire core, making your limbs jelly-like and boneless. 

  It blew galaxies across your screwed-shut eyes, forcing out moan after countless moan as you allowed the orgasm to course through your veins in fiery red heat. 

  And the singlemost part that sent you over the edge completely was the feeling of Chan finding his release too - the explosion of whiteness coating your very walls. 

  Everything was so warm- 

  Your cheeks, 

  Your heart, 

  Your limbs, 

  Your pussy. 

  It felt like you had been dipped into a vat of eternal fire, and your boyfriend was the tinder to the match. 

Chan was a groaning mess above you, thrusts turning sloppy and shallow as he rode out his high. And when you were both finished, he didn't pull out quite yet. 

  You cracked your eyes open to catch a glimpse of him gazing down between the two of you, eyes still filled with so much lust and love. 

  "What?" You asked hesitantly, shifting in your spot on the edge of the wooden desk. "Did I do something wrong or-" 

  Chan's eyes flicked up to you then, and they softened exponentially. "No- no. I was just admiring this sight... your pussy so full of my cum. Almost makes me want to fuck it back into you right here and now..." He let his voice trail off in a light tone. 

  You knew how much he loved to breed you. He did it almost every single night. And you loved it too- playing with such a taboo and 'dirty' thing, even though you knew you were on birth control. 

  He wasn't the only one who got a high from it all.

  So you opened your legs up a little more for him, already feeling the stiffness of him coming back, his tip nudging that warm spot deep inside of you. 

  "Well?" You wiggled your hips a little bit, just taunting him for good measure. You flashed him your best smirk, the one he always gave you. "What're you waiting for, Daddy?" 

  The toothy grin that spread across his mouth then made your head skip a beat. Made the butterflies burst against your stomach and float up into your bloodstream. 

  "Have I ever told you how much I fucking love you?" He mused, lips coming close to hover over yours again. 

  You shrugged nonchalantly, like the position the two of you were in was anything but risky and sensual. "You could stand to mention it a few more times." 

  Then, just as he was tilting back in to give you another breathtaking kiss, he was muttering in that rumbly voice of his that he knew drove you crazy. "Well then- I fucking love you." 

  And just like that, you were turned into a giggling little schoolgirl, fangirling over her school crush. All the while, Chan began to shift against you again, hardening cock beginning to fuck his seed right back into your aching cunt. 

  It was enough to make you forget about everything, 

  The hate, 

  The heartbreak, 

  And all of the anxiety. 

  It didn't matter if the respite would only last for a little while - only for a single night. 

  Because if Chan's version of 'soothing your worries away' entailed his cock being buried deep inside of you for hours at a time, you weren't going to complain. 

  Nope, not one bit. 

Fin.

🌊 taglist: want to be added onto my taglist? well then, comment below on this post/reblog it, and indicate your interest in my taglist and i'll add you... or, you can send me a msg and request to be added!! to be removed from the taglist, please send me a msg and i will promptly take you off of the list.

🌊 tags: @sleepyleeji :: @if-spearb :: @hyunes4ngel :: @drhsthl :: @seosalad :: @toomuchtellyneck :: @endzii23 :: @smally97 :: @ana-marais98 :: @sherryblossom :: @priincehoseok :: @biribarabiribbaem :: @linovely :: @lolqxv :: @linonyang :: @morningstardada :: @taeriffic :: @day6andetcetera :: @hyuka-luvbot :: @linohumina :: @urmomma0324 :: @poisonivy2 :: @nappynapnaps :: @bellamuerte1987 :: @julciaqwerty :: @abbiestearsricochet :: @leeknowsramen :: @maeleelee :: @cb97breathing :: @armystay89 :: @drhsthl :: @skzcollision :: @noellllslut :: @skz-streamer :: @hello-2-u-from-me :: @bangchanbighandsome @/leyknxw

a blue tag means that there was an error in tagging you.

[bluebunnysart]

Fanart of my own fanfiction (Chimera Teto x Android Miku)

Good news! When I woke up and looked at my art again today, I liked it, so here's the uncolored version! I trust you tumblr people, so here you go! You may view. This technically means I've drawn UTAU Teto (here) and SynthV Teto, but I really want to color this and take my time doing so, so here are the lines before it turns into something else hahaha 😂😂😂 Read More for the stuff I wanted to write last night but was too tired to (also the art time lapse)

I showed like two WIPs of different ideas on Twitter but none of them were this LOL (just goes to show how much I wanna draw and see of these two specifically) but the reason I decided to go with this is 'cuz that fanfic I wrote in like one day really got me excited and it made me really want to draw them as I was imagining more stuff about them. Here I'll talk about what I had in mind

I love chimera Teto, especially her majestic wings, and what I drew here is basically inspired by that! Teto's basically the only "living, sentient" thing around Miku so far (I dunno how to approach adding more creatures just yet), which makes Miku extra interested in her. But basically Miku likes Teto's wings and tail too and is very fascinated by them.

I had an idea where Miku is just holding or playing with Teto's tail out of nowhere and complimenting the heck out of her, and that was condensed into this piece. It was too crowded on Miku's side to have Teto's tail there as well, but the reason Teto's embarrassed (tsundere is nice, aint it xD) is 'cuz Miku is indeed praising the heck out of her. Calling her cute and saying how cool her wings are and whatnot.

The dialogue kinda goes like, "Your wings are so cool! And I really like how expressive your tail is! I wonder what I would do with a tail. It's so cute! Actually, now that I think about it, all of you is really cute!!" (Teto, embarrassed: "Stop talking now.") wwww

Miku does have a kinda tail actually! It's the chain on top of her skirt. As an android, I was thinking it works as sort of a battery plug or USB or something. I can show off more of that later (since it's really small here lol) but she can use it to receive electricity and recharge herself, I guess~. (Note to self: make it bigger?)

I haven't shown off much of my art style, but most (normal) characters usually don't have pupils. (See: this Teto, who's a living breathing creature.) As a result, I decided to give Miku pupils (kinda robot-like) to make her seem like more of a robot. She also wears the thing (headphones) over her ears, of course, which I can also use to make her seem more robot-like. There's no green flashing of code in her eyes right now but I might draw that sometime too, after my loads of other ideas...

Teto's wings aren't fragile. They're probably firm, hard, and could even be scaly/rough (up to my own whims or the reader's own preference). Her letting Miku touch her (wings) is probably a huge display of trust/confidence. Teto's wings are strong enough to carry her far distances and even allow her to fly in bad weather, I think. It's up to Teto herself how much energy/desire she has to do things like that though.

This is mentioned in the fic too, but Teto probably folds her wings a lot so they don't get in the way. She's kinda like a bird. I think her silhouette against the sun or moon, with full wingspan, is probably majestic (I'm imagining the Batman symbol for some reason lol). I know some people color Teto's wings as purple, but I specified black in my fic to match her tail. ^^

In order for her wings to breathe, there are probably holes in the back of her outfit to accommodate them, but they're only big enough for the wings (ellipses/ovals probably): she either tears/cuts holes into the shirts she wears for her wings or they already fit her wings so there's no problem. I wonder if Teto made her UTAU outfit herself in this setting. xD (A girl has to pass the time SOMEHOW plus she's probably at least a little bit handy when it comes to clothes and stuff (survival).)

If, while I'm coloring, I need to make adjustments to the seating and lineart and all that, I will, but I figured I'd show off what made me stay up 'til 5 AM last night and then get embarrassed to post 'cuz I thought I wasn't finished yet. I woke up and I liked it, so I'm just gonna put it in this here blog. c:

I don't know how to color, so coloring will be a trip 😂

[tragedycoded]

writeblr interview tag!

Thank you to loves @the-golden-comet and @sableglass for tagging me here and here. I need you know I made a serious effort not to be a sarcastic asshole as I answered these questions... four days ago. And then forgot to post them.

Let's ggo!

Short stories, novels, or poems? I published short stories in a previous life, but I suck at following prompts or instructions and have accepted my fate as a novelist.

What genre do you prefer reading? Horror. I'm in my post-cosmic horror era right now. Existential. Yeah. Although I don't write folk horror myself (I'm thinking Laird Barron, T. Kingfisher, Stephen Graham Jones) I do enjoy folk horror v much. Bonus points if the protagonists are middle-aged and it's not about how apartments/houses or children are scary. (No hate to domestic horror, I'm just not the target audience.)

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person? The first draft is me explaining the Situation to myself. If it happens to make even a tiny bit of sense, we're all lucky. Like, that almost never fucking happens. I didn't show Doom Metal Love Story to anyone until the third/fourth draft because any sense it makes came from me rambling at my roommate in the kitchen while high off my ass at ten in the morning last autumn.

I'm a rambler, baby~

What music do you listen to while writing? That depends! Most of the time it's the soundtrack of whatever video game I wish I were playing instead of working LOL. I've always been like this, it's not cute. Sometimes I rotate in a specific heavy metal album I've heard a million times if the vibes aren't right. If I'm really having a good day, it's '80s music.

Favorite books/movies? Yeah man I have some of those!

Favorite book is House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. Yes I realize this is a corny and uninspired answer. This book whipped ass when it was published and it whipped ass when I reread it in 2014 and I'm willing to bet money it would whip ass if I reread it in [current year].

Favorite movie is Aliens. The second one. It's the perfect movie. I refuse to acknowledge any film in the series other than Alien and Aliens. Corporal Hicks and Newt are still alive, you sons of bitches.

Any current WIPs? Yes.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be? A hooded sweatshirt, jeans, no shoes unless I'm out in public. Then it's flip flops. Fingerless gloves if it's chilly and muh arthritis is acting up.

Create a character description of yourself: The smell of pot smoke and the clicking of keystrokes barely penetrates the unopened window. Occasionally, they step out onto the back deck to smoke a cigarette and simultaneously praise and complain about the sun. They might be in their forties. They might own a cat. No one can agree on their height or their gender or whether they actually exist. Can only be contacted through instant message or email. Might be a ghost.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing? Hell, no LMAO. When I realize I've done it accidentally, I feel like I just got read by a therapist.

Are you kill happy with your characters? I may have killed all three main characters in DMLS multiple times, killed Khalid (from A Living Machine) when he was 12, in front of everybody, and I may intend to kill every character who appears in The Cave Dive, but...

... yeah OK there's something wrong with me.

Coffee or Tea while writing? Coffee all day every day.

Slow or fast writer? I type like someone is threatening to tickle my feet if I stop.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from? Uhhhhhhhh...

"OK yeah like that initial idea would be cool and all but make it worse."

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Most fav book cliche: This author comes from the land of "all cliches suck and should be avoided like the plague."

Least favorite cliche: Like the plague.

Favorite scene to write? Fight scenes. If I can't write a fight scene, let me write a fuck scene.

... why do I not write hockey romances, again?

Reason for writing? I've tried all other legitimate forms of occupation. This is the only one that rewards me for my ability to make shit up and type 40 wpm in first draft mode.

Tag! Usual apologizes for double-tagging go here, Jamie is silly.

@lychhiker-writes @cowboybrunch @finickyfelix @saturnine-saturneight

@ashfordlabs @autism-purgatory @noblebs @aintgonnatakethis

@the-golden-comet @asablehart @mauvecatfic @leahnardo-da-veggie

@sableglass @gioiaalbanoart @words-after-midnight

@lavender-bloom @jev-urisk @wyked-ao3

[honey-beann]

The premise of background noise is very interesting to me, do you have anything in your wip that sets in that universe?

I do actually! I've had a wedding fic set in the same universe in progress for a while, and I have some additional plans for some extra little oneshots as well!

Here's a little blurb from the wedding fic so far:

Note: Here is a link to the spiritual predecessor to this wip, Background Noise :)

Warnings: Things get a little heated (not very much, but enough so to warrant the warning I think), fairly unedited writing ahead

A deft hand tugged you by the ankle toward the end of the bed, causing you to squeal lightly, a burst of laughter forcing its way past your lips in spite of your attempts to smother it.

"C'mon Six, no peeking before tomorrow, you promised!"

You half whined half giggled out, hearing your fiance chuckle softly from above you,

"It's not peeking if I can't see you, sweetheart, and you never said a thing about touching."

He purred, causing you to scoff, a smile still glued to your lips.

Thirty minutes of trying to sleep alone for one night and you already missed him, missed all of them.

Okay, maybe you were a little whipped.

You looked up toward where he was standing at the end of your bed, noting once again that all you could make out was his silhouette due to the subtle light peeking in from under the hotel doorway.

"You promise you can't see me?"

You asked, hearing Sixty chuckle once more as he nodded, a movement you could scarcely make out with the little light available to you.

"Promise, princess."

He said with a grin you could hear rather than see, amusement lacing his tone as his hand began to trail up from your ankle until it found your bare thigh, which he pinched gently just to hear the way you squirmed atop the mattress when he did so.

"Now can I kiss my bride to be yet, or does she need a little bit more convincing?"

He murmured from above you, bending at the waist to lean over your body, his other hand beginning to make its way upward as well.

You pouted,

"This defeats the purpose of spending the night away from each other you know, it's supposed to make you to miss me so you get extra excited when I get to the altar."

You tried to reason, though this only caused your fiance to scoff in response,

"Sweetheart, if we get any more excited when we see you tomorrow than we're already going to be, we might just combust."

Sixty teased, his lips finding your neck as you sighed and tilted your head back, allowing him better access to the soft and still unkissed skin that awaited him there.

"Even Nines?"

You breathed with a grin, referencing (not for the first time) the fact that Connor and Sixty's successor model was in fact built to withstand more than they were, though perhaps not in the emotional department you were speaking of.

Sixty laughed at that, a soft and full sound that rumbled deep in his chest and nearly made you shiver beneath him as he rubbed his nose against your collar bone, the coolness of it causing you to gasp in spite of yourself.

"Especially Nines, sweet thing." He purred, making his way upward until his lips were pressing light kisses upon your jaw, ever so careful not to leave a mark, at least for the time being.

He tended to change his mind about that whenever he began to get a bit more eager.

You felt him smirk against your skin,

"You know, princess, you never answered my question."

He murmured teasingly, and you swallowed thickly beneath him, which only served to make that smirk of his grow ever wider,

"May I now kiss my bride?"

He asked softly, laying gentle kisses upon the edges of your mouth until you finally nodded, immediately causing him to halt and let out a low chuckle beside your ear.

"Don't mind if I do."

And long before you could scoff over his (admittedly pretty witty) wedding puns, his lips were on yours, and the only thoughts going through your mind were of Sixty, his lips, and how vengeful Connor and Nines were going to be when they found out about this.

[ladydorian05]

Fuck it weekend because this is a whole fic

BI BUCK IS CANON!!!!!!

I started writing this fic before the episode aired. This was inpired by this post.

I don't know what this is, but it's the first thing I've written in a while so, hope you like whatever this is.

Big shout out to @made-ofmemories for beta reading and helping me write some parts of this.

Also, special thanks to @wikiangela @daffi-990 @thewolvesof1998 @hippolotamus @your-catfish-friend @theotherbuckley @exhuastedpigeon @wildlife4life @pirrusstuff @neverevan @giddyupbuck @bidisasterbuckdiaz @jesuisici33 for still tagging me in the weekly wip games even if I haven't been that active in a while (also, consider this your no pressure tag❤)❤❤ (and I'm sorry if I'm missing people I lost the list of people that used to tag me) I hope This will be my come back to writing.

Eddie's UNO Reverse

AO3

Summary:

“You know, he’s different, not only because he’d be the first man I’d try to date in, let’s just say a while. Spending time with him feels good. Like-” Eddie pauses, purses his lips the way he does when he’s thinking about something and then he says it. “Like he sees me.”

And just how the fuck is Buck supposed to take that? Here’s Eddie, literally contemplating a future with a man he just met, a complete stranger, and saying all of this to Buck’s face!? He’s really going to consider a stranger over the person who has known him for years, to the person who can basically read his mind with just a look! To the man who actually sees him because he’s known him for the better part of half a decade and now that he can be honest to himself, the man who’s been helping him raise the most amazing kid in the world!?

He hasn’t been hyping himself up to ask Eddie out on a date for weeks just for a stranger to come waltzing in and steal his partner right in front of him. Not again.

Or the one where Eddie speaks with Buck about Tommy the same way Buck talked about Natalia. And Buck doesn't take it well.

Word count: 3k something

Tags: Jealousy, Eddie's pettyness backfires (in the best way possible), getting together. It gets a bit spicy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I didn't expect to get along with Tommy so well, he's been nice.” Eddie comments as he lets his duffle bag drop to the floor next to the door.

“Yeah, he seems like a cool guy.” Buck follows him inside, he leaves his own bag next to Eddie’s and makes his way to the open space that makes up the kitchen area of his loft. He watches as Eddie opens the fridge and grabs two beers.

They just came back from the basketball court, they invited Tommy to hang out with them once things settled down after the cruise rescue. They all promised to make an effort to hang out more, and apparently Hen and Chim’s old teammate made a good impression on Eddie.

”We made plans to go to next week’s baseball game, said he had an extra ticket.” Eddie passes him his beer, their fingers brushing.

“Really?” Buck takes a long sip of his beer, hoping that he sounded normal and not upset. It was his idea to invite Tommy to their regular basketball hang out in the first place. He wanted him to feel included, to let him know that they appreciated that he placed his career on the line to help them get to Bobby and Athena. And well, even if he’s no longer with the 118 he should still be considered a friend, family. He just never considered that he’d be the one feeling left out.

He might not be a big baseball fan but they could have asked even if just to not be rude.

“You know, I might just try something with him,” Eddie says, far too casual. Buck chokes on his beer, thumping his fist against his chest twice before he regains his composure. “It’s been almost a month since Marisol and I broke up, so might as well.”

“What?” Buck croaks, carbonation from the beer still burning at the back of his throat.

“I mean, we have a lot in common. He says he’s good with kids, has been in the army, he’s a widower like me, he likes sports, has a good sense of humor, since he was a firefighter and now a rescue pilot he most definitely won’t have a problem with my crazy work schedule. Plus he’s nice as we previously stated and he’s not bad looking.”

“I guess.” The fact that Eddie is considering dating a man doesn’t come out of nowhere, they’ve had more than one conversation on their interests and on Eddie’s part on how he’s never felt like he could act upon those feelings or even mention that he’s interested in men before. The wonders of going to therapy.

Still, this is the first time he ever mentioned wanting to go on a date with a guy. With Tommy. He’d say yes, of course he would. Who wouldn't say yes to Eddie!

“You know, he’s different, not only because he’d be the first man I’d try to date in, let’s just say a while. Spending time with him feels good. Like-” Eddie pauses, purses his lips the way he does when he’s thinking about something and then he says it. “Like he sees me.”

And just how the fuck is Buck supposed to take that? Here’s Eddie, literally contemplating a future with a man he just met, a complete stranger, and saying all of this to Buck’s face!? He’s really going to consider a stranger over the person who has known him for years, to the person who can basically read his mind with just a look! To the man who actually sees him because he’s known him for the better part of half a decade and now that he can be honest to himself, the man who’s been helping him raise the most amazing kid in the world!?

He hasn’t been hyping himself up to ask Eddie out on a date for weeks just for a stranger to come waltzing in and steal his partner right in front of him. Not again.

“What do you mean he sees you?” Buck asks, placing his beer on the counter.

“You know, like he understands the struggles and sees beyond what I let people see.” Buck sees him shrug his shoulders as if what he just said is the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, any other person that's not close to me.”

”Eddie, you’re sounding crazy right now.” 

“What? Why?” Eddie asks. 

“Why? You’re really asking why?” He raises his eyebrows incredulously at his best friend.

“Yeah, you just agreed that he’s a nice guy.” Buck watches as Eddie also leaves his beer on the side and crosses his arms in front of him.

“But you just met him.”

“Yeah, but there's the fact that we almost died together in that hurricane and he also risked his job to help us rescue our friends, that says a lot about him. To me it says he’s loyal.”

“There were 3 other people on that chopper that almost died with you and that you’ve known for years.” Buck takes a few steps away from the counter and starts pacing as he speaks, he needs to move or else he’s going to, to… Okay he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he doesn’t move but he needs to just not stay still. “How can you say that someone who you’ve met twice and only really spoken with once ‘sees you’?”

Why does this whole situation feels familiar? It’s like a deja vu. Like Buck’s heard something similar before, like he's had this same conversation in the past but different.

And then it hits him.

He’s taken back to a couple of months ago, when they were standing at a graveyard.

‘There's something... different about her. I-I feel like she sees me. You know? Like she-she really sees me for who I am and what I've been through.’

Oh.

OH.

He said the same thing about Natalia after just one coffee date. And Eddie, Eddie just listened to him, he let him speak and didn’t question his reasoning. However wrong it turned out to be.

And here he was, criticizing his choice to find happiness, ready to try and live his life without caring what anyone may think of him for dating another man.

All because he's jealous, because the man in question isn't him.

Shit.

“Oh my god, oh my god, Eddie. I’m an idiot, I’m such a hypocritical idiot! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Wait what? Buck-”

“No, no, I am. I said the exact same thing to you about Natalia months ago and you just listened to me and-and supported me.” He stood still for a moment once the realization hit him, but now he was back to pacing.

“Buck.”

“You didn't question me like I was doing a moment ago. It doesn't matter that my relationship didn't go anywhere, because that's just me, forever cursed to fuck up and act on impulse. But it doesn't mean it'll be the same for you, if you say he sees you, he sees you, that's fine I believe you.” He knew he was doing that thing when he talks and gestures with his hands that most of his teachers used to find kind of annoying, but he just could never control it. Even less so now that he’s sure Eddie must think he’s a horrible friend for not being happy that he’s putting himself out there trying to find a romantic partner.

And he really is such a horrible friend, he should be putting his feelings aside and encouraging Eddie to look for happiness. He must do that, he’ll fix it, from this moment on he’ll be all in.

“Buck.”

“I'll support you, even if it kills me inside I’ll deal with it. I’ll be your wingman. My jealousy is my problem. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me, even if I stay your friend and nothing more for the rest of my life I’ll learn to deal with my feelings I swear, Eddie. And-”

“Evan!” The use of his name and the weight of Eddie’s hands on his shoulders stops him abruptly from continuing his pacing. “Hold on, I'm the one that should be apologizing.”

“No, why? I was the one being-” 

“Evan, I’m sorry. I- I said that on purpose to mess with you a little, I didn’t think it’d upset you this much. I’m so sorry, it was such a stupid and petty thing to say I just,” Eddie sighs, “You actually just voiced just about everything that went on in my head when you said that about Natalia, with the exception of you using nicer words than I would have, had I voiced my thoughts back then.”

“You- back when- what?” He feels Eddie’s hands leaving his shoulders, missing his touch for the few seconds it takes for them to move to his face.

“Okay, Buck. I need you to listen closely, I do like Tommy, he seems great and when I got invited to the baseball game I did consider trying to have something with him. That was before, before I learned that you were jealous, that maybe I could have a chance, because he’s no Evan Buckley.”

“But if- you were jealous back then, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, it had been a while since you told me you were Bi and I told you that I’m also into men even if I don’t really like labels. When our relationship stayed the same after that and when you started dating Natalia I just thought that maybe you didn’t feel the same way or weren’t into me like that. And so I- I invited Marisol on a date.”

“You’re kidding, right? Shit, Eddie. We’re both a pair of idiots.” Buck huffs in exasperation. “I tried to make it work with Natalia for the exact same reason.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck.” They stare at each other for a moment, processing all that has been said in the last fifteen or so minutes, before bursting into laughter. “So, we could have been dating since last year?”

“Guess we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for then.” Eddie smirks and Buck becomes very suddenly aware of just how close they are. One of Eddie’s hands has moved to cup the back of his neck, fingertips brushing against the soft hairs at the nape, the other has started to trail down Buck’s arm. All he’d have to do is tilt his head just a little bit.

Eddie beats him to it.

The kiss is chaste, barely more than the press of Eddie’s lips against his own before they pull away again. 

“Sorry, I just- and you-” Buck worries at his bottom lip, tasting the bitter malt of Eddie’s preferred beer brand that lingers there as his best friend fumbles with his words. “You have no idea for how long I've wanted to do that.”

“I can guess.” Buck whispers before capturing Eddie's lips again. in a deeper kiss. Having no more reasons to restrain himself he pours all of him into the kiss.

It's messy and kind of uncoordinated but so good. He's not sure  who deepens the kiss first or when it happens, but figuring out the details is not high on his list of priorities when Eddie is licking into his mouth like a man starved. It's messy and uncoordinated, teeth colliding when Buck tries to suck Eddie's bottom lip between his own with a little too much enthusiasm and Eddie returns it by smiling into it, but it's perfect. And Buck wants more. His hands wander, leaving their anchor on Eddie's waist in his mission to map out every dip and ridge of his body, keen to touch everywhere he can in a way he's never been able to before.

Buck leans down a bit until he can get his hands on the back of Eddie's thighs and lifts him up, his legs immediately going around his waist most likely on instinct, he takes a few steps until he reaches the counter behind Eddie and places him there.

“Oh shit.” Eddie pants, breaking the kiss. Buck takes the opportunity to lavish his neck with kisses.

“Buck.” He moans as Buck sucks on a spot just below Eddie's ear. “Hold on, Buck. We're going too fast.”

He stops immediately, he would never do anything or go further than what his partner would allow. Even back in his wilder years, he prided himself in always making sure his advances were wanted.

“Sorry, sorry. You're right. Too fast.” He takes a deep breath and lets his forehead rest on Eddie’s left shoulder as Eddie cards his right hand through his product free blonde curls. Eddie taps his back twice, it’s all the indication he needs to understand that Eddie wants to get down from the counter. Buck takes a step back to give him just enough space for that, not wanting to actually leave too much space between them. He really wants to stay as close to him as possible right now.

Once Eddie’s feet are back on the ground they stay still for a moment, their foreheads resting against each other.

“Just for the record,” Buck says, breaking the peaceful silence between them, “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

His words are rewarded with Eddie’s blinding smile, the big unrestrained one he’s only seen when they’re either alone or when they’re with Chris. That one smile that reaches his eyes and lights up his whole face. He loves that smile, he loves everything Eddie.

“Then, just for the record.” Eddie chuckles. “I love you too, Evan.” He can’t help but lean in and capture Eddie’s lips with his own again. His hands that were previously on Eddie’s hips, playing with his belt hoops, pull him by them so that they can be as close as humanly possible while still being clothed.

Eddie is sucking Buck’s tongue into his mouth and god damn it if they don’t stop right now he’ll have to take the longest cold shower known in history. The fact that he can actually feel Eddie’s hardness against his own doesn’t help at all.

“Slow.” He manages to break the kiss with a wet pop. “We agreed on going slow.” He knows he sounds wrecked and so out of breath and really, if they hadn't agreed to take their time he’d already be guiding Eddie towards the stairs to his bed.

They take a moment to get their breathing back to normal.

“Yeah, you’re right, we’ll go the pace we feel like going.” Buck gives him a questioning look at that. “Hey, I reconsidered and slow is for people that need to know each other, to figure out if they’ll work out. I’m completely sure we don’t really need all that time. We’ve been partners for years, we were just missing the kissing part and… the other stuff too.” Eddie says that last part at the same time as his hands trail down the panes of Buck’s back to land on his ass.

“We’re going to be so bad at slow.” Buck groans.

“I know.” Eddie snorts. “We did transition from enemies to friends in the span of one shift.”

“Alright, alright. Are you hungry?” Buck watches as Eddie gives him a once over and he already knows that whatever Eddie is about to say is going to make the situation going on in his pants worse.

“Starving,” the little shithead has the gall to smirk. “But I can go for a pizza or chinese.”

“Jesus, Eddie.” He pushes away from his laughing… boyfriend? Okay, mental reminder to talk about relationship labels later. “You’re killing me. Just for that, you’re stuck ordering our food, meanwhile I’m going to take a shower.”

He starts making his way up to his loft to grab comfortable clothes to change into after his shower.

“Leave some of that cold water for me, babe!” Eddie calls from the kitchen, his voice laced with mirth.

“Shut up! And that’s not how it works, that’s for hot water not cold! You can’t run out of cold water!” He knows he completely failed to sound annoyed, he’s just too happy to be anything but elated at the turn of events.

He confessed to Eddie, he told him that he loves him and Eddie said it back. He’ll be walking on cloud 9 for the rest of the month. Hell maybe even for the rest of his life.

After dinner and with Christopher spending the night at a friend’s house, Eddie decides to stay for the night and it’s only after they’re both tucked into bed that Buck remembers the catalyst of the night’s events. 

“Eddie?” He gets a noncommittal humm in response. “What about your date?” 

“What date?” This time Eddie does answer sounding so sleepy and confused.

“Your date with Tommy.” Did he forget? He gets that a lot of things just happened tonight but to completely forget what started it all?

“Oh yeah, about that, it was never really a date, I did say he invited me, but I never said it’d be just the two of us. Chim is coming too.”

What. Did. He. Just. Say.

It wasn’t a date!?

“Don’t you think you should have started with that!?” 

“Sorry, love. Think about it this way, if I had mentioned that Chim was also invited, we wouldn’t be here now. Who knows how many years it would have taken for us to finally get together.”

“Then why didn’t you guys invite me?” His bottom lip just out in what is definitely not a pout and the rough pad of Eddie's thumb traces over it.

“Buck you don’t like Baseball, you’d be fast asleep during the first inning.”

“Still, you could have asked.”

“Next time. I promise,” Eddie says, his hand has moved, no longer tracing the plump line of Buck's lower lip but now trailing a lazy line down one of Buck's arms under the covers. 

“Are you still going?”

“I plan to. It’s a free ticket after all.” Eddie shrugs one shoulder and Buck takes the momentary pause in Eddie's movement as an opportunity to lace their fingers together. “But before that, I plan on taking you out for dinner this weekend. Would you like that?”

“I’d love that.”

“Alright, then it’s a date.” The end of Eddie's sentence is slurred with sleep, his eyes already closed. 

Buck gives Eddie's hand a squeeze, their fingers still interlocked and watches the corner of Eddie's lip quirk up in the ghost of a smile before he lets his eyes slip closed, mind filled with thoughts of their date. Buck can’t wait.

[abysskeeper]

Bronch day sucks. Too busy to actually write this week. But! I've been sitting on this for a while and after rereading it last night...yeah, I'm still pleased with this.

So, WIP time (apt for Wednesday). I love me some wizard angst fights. Who knows, one day I may even complete this.

******

They were hurtling towards the final confrontation still somewhat in the dark, and he was hurtling towards his judgment. It was…a necessity—divinely tasked. He couldn’t see a way out of it now, and the way she continued to refuse the truth hurt. It hurt him to know there was someone like her still keeping faith in him, and it hurt him to watch her work herself into a frenzy trying to save him.

He wasn’t worth it. It was not what he wanted, but Gale Dekarios had made his mistakes and knew his path towards penance. It was a path he could take, so long as he had her at his side until the end.

“Is that so wrong?!” he demanded. “If we are correct in our theories based on what we read in Thorm’s room, this is an elder brain controlled by the Dead Three. That alone is already magnificently worse than when we believed this was simply an illithid invasion!”

“And I do not agree the sacrifice is worth it before we are even certain of what we are dealing with,” she refuted, throwing up a hand in exasperation. “I am not relying on your death to solve all our problems before we are even fully sure of what they are!”

“We have a very simple solution to it before this whole plot grows even more out of hand! One life for the Sword Coast, that hardly seems like a sacrifice.” It wasn’t a sacrifice at all. It was the only thing he was meant to do from the moment the Orb fused into his chest, he had to believe that. He had to. “One life to prevent a future you have already seen and know can come to pass—”

“A future that is one of several possible outcomes!” Nox corrected on a cry. She glared up at him, anger glinting in the few tears pricking her violet eyes. “You might be so cavalier with your life, Gale, but I am not,” she hissed at him. And despite his anger, despite his annoyance—at her, at the situation, at what he was charged to do—his heart stuttered with her admittance. “I don’t want you do die. None of us want you to die.”

“Alright…” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a step away from her. He needed a moment to disengage before he said something he didn’t mean—or, perhaps, said something he meant all too much. “Disregarding the several issues that exist with you making that decision for me, and there are several—” He glared at her to get his point across. She narrowed her eyes at him in return. “—Did you not think that I would want to be down there, regardless?”

Nox’s jaw clenched and her nostrils flared with the release of a breath. “And did you not think that the rest of us would take necessary measures to prevent you from killing yours—”

“This isn’t about that!” Gale shouted. It was an outburst of tangled emotions, rage and fear and an overwhelming sadness, but he felt it cooling in the few seconds her shocked expression stared back at him. “Do not cast me from your side, Nox’ani,” he said, the desperation pumping in his heart bleeding into his voice. “I have had more than my fill of that in my life already.”

She stilled in front of him, momentarily stunned at his admittance. He watched her composure fall, the same fear and desperation flowing in his veins mirrored in her eyes. Then it was gone, schooled behind a mask of cold, metallic resolve. She sincerely believed she was doing him a favor. He did not know how else to convey this was anything but.

“This is hardly the same,” Nox bit back, harsh. Her arms crossed over her chest once more.

“Isn’t it?” Gale demanded, mimicking her stance and rocking back on his feet. Was it better to show his anger or his despair? He didn’t know, but he was bordering on both. “Because it certainly feels the same.”

“No! No, it isn’t at all! Don’t you dare compare me to her,” she ground out. “One was over a grandiose mistake you should have known better than to make, and one is over whether or not you deserve the right to live because of that mistake!”

“And that is ultimately my decision to make in the end,” he pointed out, voice rough from holding back tears.

“It is,” she agreed dangerously low. Her hand clutched at her staff, still stuck in the ground. “But I find it difficult to believe you are acting of your own accord.”

Gale swallowed, struck nervous by the puzzle in her words. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Do you truly want to die?” Nox asked quietly. “Do you truly want to sacrifice your life to save the world? Do you truly believe this is the only way? Or is it your own gods’ damned ego being stroked by a Goddess to court her own means in the end?”

He momentarily forgot how to breathe, indignation flaring in his veins to temporarily burn away everything else. “You…you think it is pride that is driving me to blow myself up to the Heavens?!” he asked, incredulous. “You believe my ego is so easily inflated I would consider killing myself over some pretty words and half-baked promises? This is Mystra! This is eternal salvation!”

“I don’t know what else it could be!” she shot back. Nox growled out a string of curses in Elvish under her breath and ran a shaky hand through her hair. “Of course you are the only one who could solve this problem, right?” she demanded, glare snapping up to meet his eyes. “Only you can fix it and bring an end to the Absolute? Only you have the capabilities, never mind everyone else and what we can do. Never mind none of us want to watch you die for a threat we could handle!”

“Nox…”

Some of his anger chilled the longer she shouted at him, ironically enough. He could practically see the desperation rising in her throat, her arms flailing like a signal for him to understand what she was saying. For him to understand what she was truly saying beneath the surface. And he wanted to—he so dearly desired to—but it still didn’t change the truth sitting before them. “My Goddess asked this of me—”

“Your Goddess forsook you!” Nox reminded him with an exasperated shout. “And now she demands penance in the form of your life for a mistake she refused—still refuses—to explain! How is that right? How is that demand worthy of consideration?!”

Gale remained silent, taking a moment to truly examine her. Heavy bags rested under tired, pleading eyes while she panted with exertion and frantic appeal for him to see her version of sense. For all he probably should have, he couldn’t prevent the fondness welling in his heart at watching her argue with him for his life. It was charming, heartwarming…and very reminiscent of a life he once knew. The words were out of his mouth before he consciously thought on them, “…for someone who so often speaks of hubris, you have little self-reflection.”

She recoiled like she had been zapped. “And what, exactly, do you mean by that?”

He shouldn’t have spoken a word. “This is Mystra,” he answered softly, honestly. That was all he could do. “You are asking me to consider you and your words above the command of the Goddess of Magic.”

He intended it as a compliment. It was a compliment, in his eyes. It took some gall—it took some care and some heart for someone to demand something of that nature. It was still the wrong thing to say. Gale watched the deep wound cleave through her eyes, her jaw falling open in shock and unfettered pain. Just as quickly, she snapped her mouth shut and turned away from him. He still noticed how she tugged at the collar of her robe and how her hand remained, clenching the fabric and trembling slightly.

A grave error, indeed. “…Nox—”

“You’re right,” she said, voice chillingly quiet, “I do speak on hubris often. But do not misconstrue what I am asking here. I am no better than Mystra. I am far, far below the Goddess…on all counts, I see now, but I am still asking you to consider what I am saying. As a friend and…as one who knows hubris.”

Nox breathed deep and the mask slipped over her with her exhale, a glossy veneer as cool as the ice she wielded. Elegant, beautiful, fragile. “I speak on pride because I know what it is, Gale. I speak not on mine because I have already had it trampled.” Her hand slipped from her staff, defeated, and she rocked between her heels and the balls of her feet. “My pride was believing I could ever step into my mother’s shoes and fulfill her role after we lost her. Elturians did not believe me. My own sister did not believe me and Elturel fell. Again.”

She turned away from him, her feet dragging her into a slow, circular pace around her staff as she contemplated it. Gale wanted her to stop then. He knew where this was going, she had already recounted her history to him. She hadn’t said it, but he knew there was a lot to regret in it.

“My pride was believing I would ever be able to recreate the lost art of chronomancy where my mother failed. Now I am chained to a past I cannot escape and haunted by a future I do not know how to prevent,” Nox continued, words rising in volume and speed. “My pride was believing I could ever act like my sister and step into a leadership role with respect. It is something I have here only because of her, I know this—”

That was blatantly untrue.

“And my pride was in hoping I could still use that regardless. My pride was in hoping I could talk to a talented, stubborn, good wizard as a peer and a friend and have him consider my words!” she said, motioning towards him in exasperation. Or as an example. A few tears started spilling from her eyes. “And my hubris was falling for that stubborn man—who tasted power and divinity beyond what I could ever comprehend or compare to—and believing I ever stood a chance!”

They both froze. Gale stared at her, Nox stared back, eyes wide enough that she appeared as though she were just caught in the midst of a crime. It was the appearance of someone who instantly regretted saying way too much in a fit of madness. Her tears fell faster, slipping from glittering eyes that she squeezed shut before violently turning on her heel from him.

His mind screamed at him to step forward. To respond. To pull her back before she inevitably left. He didn’t—couldn’t—move.

“Oh…fuck it,” she growled. She uprooted Mourning Frost from the ground with a quick yank. “Just…do whatever you will,” she muttered roughly and began walking further into the darkness of the cursed lands. “I have tried all I can.”

[scummy-writes]

Scum talks about OCs

In this I'm just going to go over my Ocs in sections of their own. I'm not really using a special Oc template, I'm just talking about them and what fics they appear in, because to be blunt, I do write 'reader inserts', but some fics are written with these ocs in mind even if they're not detailed out specifically.

I'm just chatting about for fun, this will not change how I write currently. I would not expect fanfics about these characters specifically.

Amélie - Drawn by @beni-draw-ikemen-please. (Full picture is her in a chair with Isaac sittin on the arm of it, and Arthur resting his head on her lap <3 I love it)

Anju, made with a Picrew here. I think her expression is a bit too gentle here, and she would mainly wear warmer yellows or cool toned blues, not the shirt in the image.

SS from Prince of my WIP OC for it, since she's fuckin impossible to make on picrews. Her current name is Constance.

I am honestly surprised people showed some interest in this, so bear with me through my bumbling please. A lot of these say 'mc' but they are 'reader insert' fics still. Previous fandoms had 'mc' interchangable with 'reader' so...

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, just know I might not have all the answered.

╰❧ Amélie

Amélie has been around for a few years, and Beni has been a saint for letting me comm her to draw her. Because of this, I was able to make a character profile for her Here. Additionally, a much older one Here that details some vague things about her past, and including her past with Sebastian (Childhood friends).

-> Fanfics she has been 'in': Breathless Discoveries (Isaac/Mc), Mental Gravity (Isaac/Mc), Blessed Accidents (Isaac/Mc), Exercise in Restraint (Isaac/Mc), Temptations (Arthur/Mc), A Helping Hand (Arthur/Mc), His (Theo/Mc), Playful Punishments [vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Midnight Impulses [Vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Musings (Isaac/Mc), Oral Prompt with Isaac, First Steps (Isaac/Mc), The Talk (Isaac/Mc), The Shirt Thief (Isaac/Mc), Isaac Overworking (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Awkward Dates (Isaac/Mc), and likely some other small drabbles I have missed...!

─❧ Summary: (Brief mentions of abuse/SA/Trauma but not explicit details)

A lot of her general background is covered in the second character profile I linked above. It sounds vague, and well! That is because it is a bit traumatic. I don't want to gloss over the fact that she has been through a lot, primarily SA, but I don't like focusing entirely on it to where that is the Only thing about her. Her previous job was ... an 'idol'? I never fleshed it out fully, due to self embarassment, but I wanted her to be a singer with a 'small' following, who got connected with shitty producers and signed a contract way too young without understanding the full implications of it, which caused most of her money to not actually be Hers. Due to her parents strongly against her career choice, going as far as rushing a contract ended up having her cut off from her family. With Sebastian gone, her support network disappeared completely.

She Vaguely goes over this in Patchworked Pieces (be mindful of tags), which was supposed to be a full fanfic detailing her story, but I am not meant for long fanfics at all so I posted what scenes I had typed enough with. on the chapter On Failed Attempts, she details a bit more of her experiences.

How she met Comte was through the normal opening of visiting the muesuem. She did it under distress and wanting a distraction, she was weighing options and considing some pretty awful things! I like to think Comte could tell she was beside herself and trying to calm down a little. I like to think he could sense the distress and the thing she was contemplating, and led her back to the mansion.

Which! Is rocky. She's terrified of everyone, until she sees Sebastian, and he helps ease her into her mansion life. She never tells Sebastian what she went through, due to worries and fears that he would manage to blame himself. So in her story, he never finds out.

Isaac is the primary person who knows some details, but not everything. She'd tell both him and Arthur some bare minimums, just so that when things got intimate, her panic attacks for 'random' reasons wouldn't make them believe it was because of them.

As for how they all entangle with each other? Well... Amélie is not what brings them together, necessarily.

Before she arrives, Arthur attempts to get close to Isaac. It is platonic at first, perhaps he had a crush on him but waves it off. But alcohol is introduced, they start 'drinking' together (Isaac is still a lightweight so he barely builds up his tolerance, mostly keeps Arthur some company), and...They get too tipsy and adventurous with each other. Arthur gets ashamed immediately. Not out of doing things with another man, because it was clear he was using Isaac to get over some trauma. So he avoids, hides, and their friendship crumbles.

And after that is when Amélie stumbles into the mansion.

Her friendship with Isaac is the most prevelant. And after getting on a better start with Arthur, they end up slowly getting entangled with each other. Isaac, unfortunately, deals with the brunt of her panic attacks. Finds scars, attempts to heal them.

It's through healing that they all twine together. Helping each other face their traumas, face what happened between them all.

Ironically, her love for singing was bounced in and out of the story. I wanted a few scenes where she tries to play in one of the many secluded rooms in the mansion- finds an old piano while cleaning, places a few notes. But I don't think she'd be able to any time soon. I think she would need a break for a year or two, before she started exploring music again. Or anything super creative.

I like to imagine that she is friends with a majority of the residents. When she is faring better, she paints with Leonardo and Vincent. She listens to Mozart play, reads what Dazai and Arthur write, so on so forth. I want her to live in a house with Arthur and Isaac, later on, visiting the mansion weekly or every two weeks, happy with her new life.

Sometimes I pair her with Theo, because I think they could help each other, but I think she is fated to be with Isaac and Arthur.

In AUs, I like to imagine Anju as her older friend. Anju does not tolerate a lot of bullshit with Amélie, and would be a bit like a guard dog. But. an unassuming one. She would treat Arthur very harshly until he proves himself. (I am unsure if I ever posted it, but I wrote a few chapters to go with This Au Fic for Isaac week. The second chapter, Anju was supposed to be a witch to help Amélie out after some events [was gonna have Isaac die and then it turn into a reincarnation au thing where they meet again in modern day, and in modern day Anju was gonna be around], and Anju has to help her move forward.)

I've been typing this on and off for a few hours and I am struggling with some details HAHA for now, I will stop here. She's the one OC that has a lot out there for her.

Oh. Amélie is not her 'real' name, but it is now. I am unsure if it is in poor taste or not, but in an attempt to heal she abandoned a lot of her old life. Not Herself, but trying to let go of the past until she could confront it more. She goes by Amélie until the end of her days, and only Sebas and likely Comte know her old name.

╰❧ Anju

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Training Theo (Theo/Reader)

─❧ Summary: (Vague mentions of parental issues)

OoooOOoooOh Anju....anju....wails.

She is such a complicated Oc for me. She was originally for Shingen in ikes*n (i dont want this on the tags on accident). I still debate if the character she is now still stems from that relationship or not. Because if so, that means she left the past and came back to the present because her and Shingen didn't work out. Not in a TERRIBLE way but probably a sad mutual understanding.

It's either that, or she's just pretty sour from general past relationships not working out.

I like to imagine that she is in her thirties, and that she lives in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other in friendly ways. She is a 'seamstress' just due to how Sengoku has that set up for the Mc. I decied that her grandmother taught her how to sew, and her grandmother owned a small shop to repair peoples clothes and sew clothes for commission as well (i know nothing about how this works so). She would help her grandmother at her shop, and later on when her grandmother passed, she would take over the shop.

As for her parents, I never fully fleshed them out. I just know her mother was constantly comparing herself to other children/people around her, and that their relationship dissolved to the point of Anju refusing to aknowledge her as a mother any longer. The crux of this would cause Anju to move the shop to a different location completely to sever ties. (not move physically, but open another shop elsewhere after funds were saved with the same name).

For Vamp, she relocates her ass to France for Reasons. And here is where it is... well. I don't think a shop like this could exist, but i wish it would. pls spare me from laughs HAHA

The shop I always imagined is the type where the ground floor is the shop, and upstairs is where Anju lives. So upstairs would house her kitchen, living room, and Bedroom and bathroom, a balcony connected to the kitchen would be. great. Lower floor would have the shop, her sewing area, a room to hang up comms and etc, and the 'front' of the shop. Front of the shop is the porch and the actual like...foyer area....of the shop.

She spends a lot of her time sitting in the foyer area at a desk, if she is not actively working on sewing. .....I like to imagine she has a small sitting area set up there for people (children, family, friends, partners, etc) waiting while whoever she is working on measurements and etc with is getting their stuff. With....a lil coffee/tea area....very very small like a coffee maker and some stuff....but cozy vibes... (and she wanted a coffee machine near her while working).

She'll sit on the porch often in the mornings while waiting for customers or going through shop bills and whatever, and that is how she meets Arthur in a modern day setting. By him taking 'Vic' (or whatever pet he is on now) on a walk, Vic escaping, and running up to Anju because he wants pets HAHA.

For first meeting, Anju thinks Arthur is cute, but recognizes the fuckboy tendances. However, i feel like at this point of living as a vampire for so long, Arthur wouldn't be how he is in the game currently. As in, not entirely as self destructive and a smidgen more at peace with himself, but still has the tendencies. She doesn't think too much on the meeting, loves Vic though, and goes from there...

But Arthur doesn't. He gets hung up on her a little, and finds excuses to run into her a bit more. Nothing crazy, but primarily just walking Vic by there and seeing if he can catch her on the porch again, waving, exchanging greetings and pets for Vic. It would turn into him eventually finding an excuse to get some clothing mended, which she can very easily tell is bullshit, but she entertains it because... he's respectful the whole time. She enjoys the company and the innocent flirting.

It comes to a clusterfuck when they spot each other at a bar though. Where he sees how differently she's dressed, where it's clear she's looking for one night stands and nothing else. (He is also alarmed at her smoking HAHA). Arthur doesn't do much with this information, but she immediately tries shutting him out because. Well, she isn't ashamed to have casual sex with others, but she doesn't want the fuckboy tendancies to come back for him. She doesn't want this fake relationship to delve into sex and nothing more. So she puts up walls, and Arthur has to slowly take them down. And it is a rocky thing, because Anju is so independant and refuses to rely on anyone else, so it's a LOT of trouble HAHA a lot of dramatics.

They do fuck, because well they both enjoy sex so why not!!!!! but ah. it's complicated. I think I have a scene of that somewhere. I cannot remember if I have that happen before or after him visiting her home/shop at night when he's drunk. I think it was before.

But Arthur was supposed to go to her place, drunk, because she has such a schedule with her shop/hobbies that it's easy to piece together that she's home, and she essentially lets him stay over in pity because he's wailing about messing up his friendship with Theo.

From there it turns into awkward, more up in the air things. I played with her getting with Arthur only, Theo only, Arthur and Theo, or even Vincent! But the Arthur/Theo subplot would have been too similar to the Isaac/Arthur one in Amélie's story. (Sorry for causing you so much distress, Arthur).

I like to imagine her in her shop. Arthur flirting with her while the neighborhood granny laughs at her attempts to ignore the flirting.

╰❧ Constance

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Sinking (Gilbert/Reader) [Descriptions of Self Harm], First Time (Gilbert/Reader), Chev comforts Mc

─❧ Summary: (Mentions of self harm, abuse)

Constance....! Is still a running name. I may change it, I may not. I'm unsure about her appearance, I know I want her to have the split hair and to dress in similar colors though, but her eyecolor I am so conflicted on...

But...! Her story is still being fleshed out, and she has changed a lot. She is now strictly for Gilbert, whereas she was supposed to be a flexible oc for either Clavis or Gilbert. (Maybe she still could be?)

So far, her story is still like Emma's so far. her and Rio friends for years, Akatsuki taking her in, etc. In my mind, she doesn't know who her parents are and is somewhat in peace of that.

I've bounced around a lot with her though, to where the Rio and Akatsuki being in her BG makes little sense. i've wanted her to be someone who writes and sings, but does not preform and instead has a friend that preforms for her. Where they have private sessions of Constance singing and exampling some of the dancing to her friend, and later on watching her friend preform the songs and bringing her visions to life. (i like this a lot but it feels...odd.)

I want her carrying a notebook around the palace, filled with her drawings and songwriting. Far in the journal, there is drawings of Gilbert- not because she knows him, but because long before she saw him slinking around Rhodolite and drew him out of facination of how he looked (did not piece together he was a Scary Dude). (would add a lot of fuel to fire if anyone saw those drawings COUGHS)

In another bouncing, I have her as a secret wrtier/artist that writes songs that are never preformed. I thought it would be funny if she wrote the erotica that Jin apparently reads??? I can never fgure out if thats canon or not because i never see it Mentioend in the game.

In both possible backgrounds for her, she is still a quiet and reserved person who suffers from a lot of depression, and struggles with herself a lot. The two toned hair was for fun at first, but now I'm realizing it would probably be a good symbol for her inner issues. How she has a lot of 'darkness' inside of her, that she feels disgusted by and upset with, while there is a purity she wishes she had (but fails to come to terms with how that is unreasonable).

To be paired with Clavis, she was supposed to be much more shy, and his antics were supposed to draw her out of her shell more.

But now it's more solidifies that she will be primarily paired with Gilbert due to the purity/darkness thing. She is a little dramatic in her thoughts with that, and is now a bit more serious toned rather than her shyness being played for antics.

She believes Gilbert over his refusal to 'lie', and that draws her in a lot.

Discussion of self harming/SA, when text is blue I am finished.

Something I am struggling with is that with many Ocs, i often have them go through some sexual trauma just due to it being an outlet for myself (i have also had sexual trauma). This may be why you see some themes of this in some fanfics I write, where there is something the reader is struggling with sexually and the suitor is extremely patient with them- it's usually tied to stuff like this (unsure of how obvious that is since no one ever says anything! which feels like an act of kindness, if it is obvious).

For her, I am struggling with adding that into her background as something that is fairly recent with her. Rio doesn't know, she refuses to tell him, and his fondness of her and constantly...hm...i don't mean this poorly, but building her up to be so 'perfect' sometimes causes a lot of issues when she reflects on herself, and she uses those words against herself often.

I don't know if the self harm would be. Due to that SA event or not. I don't know if this is soemthing that has plagued her for years, or if it spiked as her emotions got out of control.

Gilbert would not know. I don't really care if JP spoilers suggest otherwise, as there are already hints that make it clear he doesn't know Everything (he just knows a Lot). A lot of their relationship would be them struggling with self harm and the SA. A lot of her trust gets put into him (even if she dislikes it), because he doesn't lie to her like others do, and it is a comfort. (blah blah gilbert does lie blah blah)

It's hard to explain their relationship. I assume i'll have more figured out as his route comes out. Right now, she's who I imagine when I write some stuff with him, but not all of it.

With Clavis, the relationship would have been more healthy, and so would she. I think she would still struggle with both things, as it could be used as a mutual understanding when they discuss needing to be loved fully and not half-heartedly.

That is a rough gist of what I have for her? I have been typing this for hours and I am running out of steam.

Annnd....That is that! At least for now. Another detail I will share for all of them is that they are all bi :) All my ocs are always bi.

Again, you guys are free to ask questions. I may update this over time as well. I don't really want criticisms for my ocs though since you guys don't actually deal with them past them popping up as the voice for some reader insert fics. they just sorta rot in my brain and I get comms of them at times.

[optiwashere]

WIP Wednesday

Holy shit, it's actually on a Wednesday this time?

I really wanted to do one of these this week since I've gone a bit rabid on a few WIPs.

I'll post a little bit about each of those WIPs later, some snippets and a blurb about why I'm so excited. But first! Folks to tag! Since I'm so excited for these, I'm gonna tag a lot this time.

If you have anything you want to share WIP writing-wise, please do... @quitefair @bottombatch @siyurikspakvariisis @causticcontemplation @jasminethetransvampire @underworldobsessed @assarivanguard @amorficzna @funwithnix @askweisswolf @linka-from-captain-planet @tief4tief

If you don't want to do this, or have nothing you want to share, feel free to ignore. If anyone else wants to do this, please feel free to consider yourself tagged. Now, onto my obsessions.

WIP 1: New chapter of Nightsongs

After spending some chapters in a kind of angst zone after the relatively light (relatively) first 4-5 chapters, this next chapter is going to be a kind of upswing. There's lots left to do with the AU, so I'm expecting to chug along and write more and more as time permits.

This AU is a lot for me to handle, especially after having so many chapters ready to post and then... falling way behind on writing the chapters afterwards. But it's fanfiction, and we're having fun here. So, who cares? The game's fandom heyday is already over, so at this point I'm just writing whatever feels best to me.

This chapter is mostly done, I think. I'm giving it a few days/a week to sit before I go back to edit it with fresher eyes. Also, we return to Ash's POV!

Lae’zel walked into Ash’s back office without a word on the seventh day and Ash nodded her way without looking up. Papers sat in strewn piles all over the desk, a handful of old incident reports and assessments that still needed working for Wulbren’s accountants. The absolute worst part of the job remained for the year – paperwork – and Ash intended to get them caught up in the hours that remained of her day. It was a useful, meaningful task. It gave her something else to think about. Anything other than green eyes. “We should talk,” Lae’zel said, sitting down without being offered one of the folding chairs in front of the desk. “Aren’t we doing that?” Ash scanned the paper in front of her and quickly jotted down her signature. [...] “You begin working on a van,” Lae’zel said matter-of-factly, counting off on her fingers as she spoke. “You talk to a pretty girl. You suddenly work more often on that van. Then, you disappear inside yourself and act bitter all day because suddenly the girl no longer shows up. There is more to it than you say.” “I think this might be the first time you’ve spoken more than five words to me, you know that?” Ash chuckled. “Am I that obvious?”

WIP 2: New chapter of Blades in the Night

The need to write more plot for this has been burrowing in my skull for a long time. I initially stopped myself from writing too much of it because I wanted to do Nightsongs first in its entirety before getting to this, but I think I'm just too impatient for that.

I also love the fact that this fic turned from a simple PWP one-shot into this much more expansive, plotty story that's now pretty important for what I want to do with my babies post-canon. Something about that makes me smile.

Plus, you know how I've been lamenting my inability to write happy endings for certain characters?

Either way, this isn't really complete, but the hardest part is complete and now I just have to start connecting the dots and filling in the blanks. I'd say it's about a third done?

The room filled with the same aura of a distant gaze leveled their way that Shadowheart had felt back in the cloister. Asheera had made an oath to protect Shadowheart then, and the flooding of a dense, real presence had nearly swallowed her whole in the cloister's barracks. A weight of importance sunk down on her shoulders there in Hobb's Hovel as well. A smell like molten metal cooling lilted in the air with a lingering, acrid tang. It tasted of blood in Shadowheart's mouth, as if the forging was tainted with some other foul presence in the mixture. [...] Little could have compared better to that feeling of a weight lifted from her shoulders. Worry disappeared and gave way to earnest joy in Shadowheart, and she thrived on it. She hadn't felt such keen happiness since she'd been so readily accepted into Asheera's family by her parents.

WIP 3: Gauntlet of Shar fic

Wow, I know! I've been talking about writing this fic for so long that it's almost become a sort of mythical never-to-be-slain beast for me. I'm not normally someone that talks about my ideas too often, I just write them before they can flee me.

I tend to also get in my own head about what I "should" be writing in the first place. Frankly, I'm getting kinda tired of writing so many ships, though fear not - I'll still have ideas that can only work with ships that aren't Shadowheart/Asheera. It's just that, for a while, I want to focus back on my loves.

This fic is one of those that I've wanted to finish for months. I know that at this point in the fandom's life cycle, I'm pretty much writing just for the dedicated, lovely folks that still read my stuff and I'm extremely happy to have y'all around! Maybe this will make Light Casts a Shadow ring a little more true for some, maybe it will be just another fic that I post, who knows.

Also, one thing I'm planning on experimenting with for this fic is alternate endings for Fun. This is a fic where the ending hinges on choices that Shadowheart makes in the game, so it's only fitting that I explore what would happen if she made those other choices.

But anywho, enough blabbing. Excerpt time!

Those touches and more, Asheera cherished. She watched in silence as Shadowheart turned her devotions to each of those tasks. Perhaps it was the nature of clerics to give themselves entirely to seemingly mundane tasks much the same Asheera felt compelled to consider her oaths in nearly every conversation, battle, or even moments like Shadowheart carefully buckling a cuisse to her leg with straps of leather at the backs of Asheera's knees. Fingertips trailed against her clothed skin, and Shadowheart stood up once more. "There," she said, "all's taken care of, then. Tell me, how's my handiwork? Be honest. I can handle the criticism." Asheera brought her balled fist to her chest in an arm curl. She flexed the elbow out and tested her shoulders, knees, ankles, and hips for motion. None of the plates caught on one another, and none of the straps across her hands, arms, knees, or chest restricted her. "Perfect," Asheera said at last. "Marvelous work." Shadowheart offered a quick smile. "I'll take a Gondian's compliment on such things any day." "Can't say I would've done a better job." "Ah, there's the honesty I was waiting for. Truly, where would you be without me?"

[decks-writing-blog]

Here to Stay Drabbles: Benrey Benry Benrye

Summary: Benrey makes some important decisions.

[A/N] In a not yet released chapter of my current WIP fic 'Gordon Swap' my headcanon that Benrey stole Barney's uniform at some point in the past gets brought up and if I recall correctly I alluded to that being the case near the end of WeverTF Benrey is too because it's an idea I've had a for a while. Writing the bit where it's brought up in 'Gordon Swap' made me want to write this so I did.

~

Everyone paid attention to the security guards. When sensitive experiments were being worked on they blocked the entrance to the labs in question, necessitating people talk to them to be let through. The perfect set up for some fun shenanigans. It wouldn’t work if not one of them though which meant a uniform was needed.

The locker and thus the name tag on the uniform inside read ‘Barney’. A good name… maybe. What made something a good name? That one brought to mind barns so maybe whoever it was owned a barn. Assuming barns existed outside of fantasy video games anyway. Regardless the name was taken and thus that one wouldn’t do no matter how good or bad it was.

Something that started with a ‘B’ would be fine though. B was a pretty cool letter as far as letters went. … A long while of just sitting in the locker room, staring at the name tag so far hadn’t brought much inspiration. Naming oneself was hard. In video games ‘aaaaaaaa’ or some kind of swear word, making the NPC’s look silly and/or rude, worked great. In real life though, in a new human looking form, it had to be something believable. Changing it later was technically possible but what if this security guard thing really took off? A bunch of different names might get confusing and wouldn’t feel right anyway. Any name chosen here would likely stick for a while.

Sticking with being called ‘X’ was possible but it didn’t feel like a name. That was the experiment’s title and the titles of other experiments almost never lined up with any of the proper names for the beings/objects involved and thus it shouldn’t here either. Besides, some distance from that lab would be nice, easier to prank people further away from it as they’d be far less likely to suspect anything fishy.

“Barney. Barbara. Benjamin.” What other ‘B’ names were there? Preferably ones that would be easy to scribble onto the the name tag with the sharpie. “Bob. Boob.” That one wasn’t a name. But it didn’t have to be a real, name did it? Just close enough to one to sound believable. It was hard to know what counted as a real name anyway.

“Barnley. Barley. Benley.” That one had kind of a nice ring to it but wasn’t quite right. “Beney. Ben… ray, like a ray of sunshine? Benray. Hmm… nah, too pretty.” Not that there was anything wrong with being named after a ray of sunshine, the sun was quite nice actually, but pretty wasn’t cool and it had to be something cool. This still felt like a good line of thinking though. So instead of ‘a’ like a pretty ray of sunlight how about the ‘e’ from the original name stay? Meaning it would be… “Benrey.”

“Benrey. Benrey. Benrey. Benrey. Benrey.” Ha. It’d be funny if that was the full name. Maybe some of them could be spelled a little differently too like ‘Benry’ or ‘Benrye’.

Standing and looking around revealed no one to talk to. Which made sense, humans like to sleep every single night for some reason and thus few were ever around during the night. Pretending to talk to someone would have to do.

“My name’s Benrey, nice to meet’cha. Howdy, hello, I’m Benrey. I need to see your uh… papers or something ‘cause I’m totally a security guard so I gotta see that stuff to let you through. … Hello, I’m uh… security guard, Benrey, gotta show me your papers now, ‘kay?” The delivery on some of that wasn’t great. Did security guards even introduce themselves by name? And probably instead of the nebulous ‘papers’, asking for a specific document that he could change up at will would be better. But the name felt pretty good.

The sharpie cap came off with a small pop. Pressing the uniform against the locker made it easier to scribble on the name tag. Turn the ‘ar’ into a big ‘e’ then add a little ‘r’ in front of and slightly over the ‘e’ after the ‘n’ so it wasn’t clear if it was being covered up or replaced, opening the door for it be read as ‘Benrey’ or ‘Benry’. Perfect.

New human looking form and new human sounding name, yay. There was one thing missing though. None of the humans around the lab or in any video games or TV shows were referred to as ‘it’. Why was a mystery because almost everything else – plants, bugs, animals, and video game monsters alike – went by ‘it’ at least some of the time. But if humans went by ‘he’, ‘she’ or in one instance ‘they’, then to blend in more with them being addressed as such was necessary, right? Not that blending in all the way was the goal. Standing out too much too soon would make the bit harder though.

What was the difference between ‘it’s, ‘he’s, ‘she’s and ‘they’s though? Paying more attention to that kind of stuff would’ve helped out here. Was it even something that could be gleaned from looking at a person though? Maybe it was a choice people made and told everyone else and Benrey had just never overheard such a conversation. Asking was an option as was sneaking onto a computer to look it up but… did it really matter? Of everything else, this felt far less important. So… he would be a ‘he’ because as far as he knew all the security guards he knew were ‘he’s so he would be one too.

His name was ‘Benrey’, he was a ‘he’, and he was a security guard. He wasn’t human but he would fit in with them a bit more now, enough to hopefully have some fun.

[chobani-flip]

so... I've been tagged by @newtkelly (WHO HAS A WIP IN THE WORKS WHICH IS GONNA BE SO AWESOME OMG GO READ ALL THE FICS I LOOOOOOVE) and @alchemistc (THE AMAZING ALCHEMISTIC MAGE OF AWESOME WRITERY POWERS WHO WRITES TRULY EXCELLENT FICS ????DAILY????? GO READ) to put my music on shuffle & list the first 10 songs + tag 10 people

but

the thing is... i... kinda don't listen to music? 👀👀👀 i know, i know, believe me.

like, i am not an alien, i have heard music before, but i don't go out of my way to listen to music in my regular day to day life.

so rather than just not taking part, or trying hard to come up with songs i really love a lot (which, they totally exist! but i can never think of one until i hear it on the radio or in a shop or as background song on a show or something) im gonna tell you about the audiobooks i found really fucking cool and my one podcast i adore:

the podcast AKA the only reason i have spotify on my laptop :

Ridiculous Crime (iHeartRadio) -

Zaron Burnett and Elizabeth Dutton talk about "outlandish capers, heists and cons" to "shine a light on the absurd side of criminality". "Always 99% murder-free and 100% ridiculous". i adore this podcast so fucking much, i am willing to 15sec+ manually skip the embedded ads that appear in LOOOONG chunks at the start, at the 20 minute mark, at the 40 minute mark and at the end of the episodes. also, Elizabeth Dutton is a 911 fan and she's the one whose endorsement finally made me decide to give the show another try. like, srsly, if you've gone off true crime because while you enjoy listening to RL stories and mysteries but all the sensationalizing of brutal crimes just got too much made it impossible to consume? THIS IS THE PODCAST FOR YOU (just srsly, skip the ads, they're fucking annoying

⬆is one of my favourite episodes

the audiobooks:

Vital Organs - Suzie Edge

this is a book full of extremely interesting stories from history connected to various bodyparts.

this is the tagline: From Napoleon's penis to Van Gogh's ear, from Marie Antoinette's teeth to Marie Curie's bone marrow, this book brings together the remarkable stories of body parts that have made history. and you might get the impression that it's going to be a bunch of kings and queens and famous people from that (and like yeah, they're there obviously) but there are so many fascinating stories about people you've never heard of? it's really cool. the one that really stuck with me was about the creator of the Braille writing system, Louis Braille.

Ask A Historian: 50 Surprising Answers To Things You Always Wanted To Know - Greg Jenner

(he also has a podcast, my friend loves it - that's how i found out about the book - but i have space for only one podcast in my heart)

abso-fucking-lutely excellent and interesting and hilarious. remember the tumblr post about the corpse pope put on trial? well, that one was one of the questions Greg Jenner got asked and he talks about the Cadaver Synod in great detail. Mansa Musa, ever heard of him? No? well, google the name and you'll be just as outraged as i was when you realise just how massive and influential he and his Mali Empire was and how your (generally really good) history classes and textbooks never fucking mentioned him. you'll also find out when the first monday was, and why the devil is a goat, and what the Flintstones ot right about Stone Age

A Curious History of Sex - Kate Lister

(also has a podcast apparently, but like i said i can only manage one)

It's a really really cool and interesting book 😁 here's the tagline:

This is not a comprehensive study of every sexual quirk, kink and ritual across all cultures throughout time, as that would entail writing an encyclopaedia. Rather, this is a drop in the ocean, a paddle in the shallow end of sex history, but I hope you will get pleasantly wet nonetheless.

Savage Appetites: Four True Stories of Women, Crime and Obsession - Rachel Monroe

so this isn't true crime, but it's about true crime, it explores why people, and women especially, are fascinated by it. it's not particularly accusatory or judgemental since the author is interrogating her own fascination, but it doesn't shy away from the nastier implications and sides of being enthralled by true crime.

honestly, this describes it really well: Combining personal narrative, reportage, and a sociological examination of violence and media in the 20th and 21st centuries, Savage Appetites is a "corrective to the genre it interrogates" (The New Statesman), scrupulously exploring empathy, justice, and the persistent appeal of crime.

currently listening to: Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlansky

did you know that the word salacious comes from salt? because people believed that salt made you horny and virile? and also that it protected you from evil spirits so in some places in the world (like France and others) in the middle ages, infants would be bathed in brine and salted before a baptism? and that salad is a salad and also from salt because the Romans loved to salt their assorted veggies, when they weren't making garum, the salty stinky fermented fishsauce? AND THAT SOLDIER IS A SOLDIER BECAUSE IN SOME PARTS THEY USED TO BE PAID IN SALT AND SOL AND SALT AND AAAAA i love it so much

ok 🤣 im done. now, i am aware that this was very much not the assignment if the assignment was getting recommendations for music, but if the assignment was finding out more about the person behind the blog, well, here you are 😁 these are the things i find cool and interesting

__

no pressure tagging: @wakeupnew @tiltingheartand @26-cats-in-a-trenchcoat

@kinard-buckley @bugboybuck @mistmarauder

@jackmichaela @do-androids-dream-ao3acc @so-that-was-okay

@apartmentsmoke

[dairogo]

20 Questions for the Writer

Tagged by @griseldabanks ^_^

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Only 18 :O I have a bunch on fanfiction.net that I never transferred over, but they're all an extra 10 or so years older than the Ao3 ones so ... there's some disparity of quality, partly in the writing but also very much in the content present.

2. What is your total Ao3 word count?

168,935

3. What fandoms do you write for?

FMA! I had other things when I was younger, but FMA bit and it's the one that stuck with me.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Bed Too Small (Mustang POV, same bed trope, tongue-in-cheek)

Wayward Youth (Hawkeye POV, learning about crushes and affection from the girls at her boarding school while seeking her father's attention)

Order 3066 (Hawkeye and Mustang POVs alternating, Ishval fic about being broken and coming out of it [still broken, but moving])

Partiality (Mustang POV, post-canon, broaching the topic of a relationship)

The Next Step (shifting POV, written soon after giving birth to my youngest and in a bit of a family-related haze. Mostly fluff.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I certainly try to! I might have missed some along the way, but I usually get there!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hurrrghgh, one from my ff.net days: The Manga-ka Has Her Reasons. It was basically saying, hey, they can't get together guys - things will go bad if they do. And so it ended with them both dead.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say The Next Step, because it's just fluffy and lovely :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. The last time I remember feeling taken aback by a comment it was over a decade ago and it was someone rightly pointing out a factual error I'd made. The FMA community I've found myself in is largely positive, and I don't know if that's about the FMA community in general, or that the stuff I write appeals to people who are just cool about community instead of looking to be jerks. Whatever the reason, I'm very grateful!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nah

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've got a half written FMA/HP crossover that I started in like 2005, resurrected a few years ago, and then haven't touched for the last year and a half. Sigh. It's probably going to be stuck in my brain forever.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not a fic

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Royai for suuuuure <3 I'm so big on romance as a side-plot, and if that's not the perfect way to explain their relationship I don't know what is. Like, FMA aside, their own personal story is that romance is their side-plot, not their main thing.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Wayward Youth! I have a few really rough drafts of later chapters that need to be edited, but I still haven't written all the way to the end and I'm happily working on another project with all the time/headspace I have, so I don't want to interrupt that flow. But I'm hoping to slowly accrue the last of it, then go through and make it presentable and post it one day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can write fairly clear action. And I like putting together a lot of threads to tug on as I go - not all big plot things necessarily, but just things that repeat again later to add an extra layer.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't know. I feel like I can write in a very blunt way sometimes, so I have to be intentional about adding in colour and emotion - that doesn't always come through on the first try.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I wouldn't do this to show to a native speaker, oh boy oh boy nosirree! Currently reading a book on English idioms and my main thought as I looked at it today is that this is exactly why I'll never consider myself fluent in other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

In year 5 we had to co-write a story and my best friend and I basically wrote an AU of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Look, it depends on my mood. If I want something light and short, I can't go past Desperately Hoping He Didn't Look Like an Idiot (modern AU, Royai without angst). But I'm probably proudest of Order 3066, because it took a lot of work and a lot of emotional catharsis to get through that and I ended up with a bit of a deadline for when I had to finish it up and made it! So I feel good about it.

Tagging @scienceoftheidiot and @fullmetalscullyy if you're interested :)