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elsaellaelys · 1 year ago

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Bewitched - part 2

Bewitched - part 1

100 followers commemoration!

summary: JJ and Y/N have problems with their FwB relationship.

Warnings: mentions of 18+ content

2.193 words

pairing: JJ Maybank x Fem!reader

a/n: 100 followers!!! Thank you so much for the supporting. I gladly came back with a part 2 of this friends to lovers fic. Hope you enjoy.

Requested by: @maybank-archives @bookishbabyyy @emberlum3

--★--

Y/N was still a little sore that day, even when JJ dropped her at home, - planting a wet kiss on her lips holding her face between his hands, saying she was the prettiest girl on earth - when she avoided her parents cause of her foggy weed hangover, when she stayed under the lukewarm water in the shower, she still felt him inside her, still felt the desire of being under him, around him, even more stronger than she was feeling before, that's what got her working her fingers on her clit.

They were high when it happened and, of course he had said the most sweet things anybody ever told her, but maybe JJ didn't had time to put his brain back in his skull, maybe his heart wasn't fully awake. She promised herself that would never happen again, so she kept herself busy, with her fingers and vibrators, anything that wasn't him, it was better this way, she didn't wanted to lose his friendship.

All times he came to kiss her, she kissed his cheek, when his arms rounded her waist, she petted him on the head, she thought he would be mad, but all he did was laugh and do the same back. So she confirmed in her mind: It's okay, he just felt the same. We are good friends and that's everything we need to be.

Oh how wrong she was.

There she was again, opening the Chateau's door, calling for JJ, hoping John B. wasn't around because she wanted to kiss JJ in every corner of the house. She couldn't find him, though, the reality hitted her hardly, she turned around, ready to go away and pretend, to herself, that it never happened when she bumped into his chest, shirtless and wet chest.

"What's up?" he asked, putting the surfboard apart. Oh God, he had just come back from surfing. How she loved to see him like that, all wet, hair dripping salt water, except that now he was more dried from the walk, and it made she think about what she missed; him, surfing alone, tonned body all on display.

"So...?" he asked again, she forgot she was no able to stop in time to admire him.

"I... I just - wanted to smoke. With you." she said/spilled/confessed hoping he would understand and not understand what she meant. But he did, smirking lightly, not wanting to act haughty and scare her away.

"Okay." he threw a towel over his shoulder looking around for his magic box "Do you wanna go to my room or...?"

She felt a heat in her face, sure she was blushing so she reached for a cup of water, shrugging. "Whatever." And added to sound more natural. "Just had a really tough day so anything would be nice." It was true though, she had a tough day since she woke, had dreamed with the night in his room, woke up late, flustered and wet, and still pretended everything was fine when she just wanted him all the time since that day. He nodded, guiding her to his room with a hand in her lower back, they sat on the bed, front to front, he mindless rubbed the sand off his feet.

"I think Lemon Tree would be good for you, but I have Double Banana Tangie if you rather..."

She just stared at him, in her mind there were only two thoughts: Do it or don't do it.

"Don't make fun, I wanted to try citrus and Banana Tangie is like banana-flavored Laffy Taffy. What do you want?"

Her body moved by its own, hands reaching for his face, mouth reaching for his lips. He corresponded with the same intensity and there they were again, tangled in the bed, clothes threw on the floor, whimpers, moans, groans in the air. That's when she realized they couldn't be just friends if they were so obsessed with each other, so bewitched.

Hookups were frequent from then on, sneaking out from parties together, always taking too much to arrive, finding a way to be touching in any way. JJ was attaining to her, remembering her how pretty she was to him, how she caught him in her love spell and now he didn't wanted to leave.

It was no secret what was going on between them, the pogues knew, the only problem was the how JJ and Y/N deal with it, pretending nothing was happening besides simple hookups between friends and we all know what happens with a friends with benefits relationship.

About a week ago, Y/N was sleeping in JJ's room in the Chateau, the boys bubbling woke her up, looking through the window it was already night and she was so satisfied from the evening with JJ that the irritation of being awake quickly dissipated. She went to bathroom trying to take the sleep off her when the sound of her name being mentioned reached her ears.

Opening the door, the boys conversation getting more clear. "So you're not asking Y/N to be your girlfriend?" Pope asked. "You're together all time, everybody thinks you already dating."

JJ scoffed lightly. "That could never work." he simply spoke.

Y/N boiled up to her head. How could he say that? After all the sweet bullshit he said to her. She banged the bathroom door behind her, entering the room to get everything that belonged to her she could find on the floor, shoving into her bag, rushing out past the door.

"Y/N wait! Where you going?" he confusingly asked.

She turned around, JJ swore he could see steam coming out of her ears. "Fuck you JJ."

Now, shit. She got it wrong. That's why you shouldn't talk about someone when they may hear.

He didn't found the strength to go after her, deep inside he knew he'd fuck it up, but not so early.

Day after day, his calls went to voice mails, her dad was pissed and tired of telling JJ to not knock on the door again, he even climbed to her window, as a ultimate try, but she refused to open, leaving the bedroom the minute she saw him through the glass, looking so regretful she almost gave in, when she came back there was a piece of paper on the windowsill, hold down by a seashell and a rock.

"Talk to me. You cant leave a bewitched man hopeless in love like this."

She almost cried, angry and confused, how could he talk about them like that, saying they would never work, when they were still sleeping together, and then beg for attention like she didn't had a reason to avoid him. There's no way she was facing him this early, so for the rest of week she made sure he would see her, but know she wasn't talking to him, crossing the street to not pass by him, not going to the Chateau, ignoring him in every way possible, she wanted to torture him, to make clear what she felt.

Kiara was the first one to position abou it, she had enough, one of her friends was walking around miserable and the other was no longer to be seen, talking to the rest of the group they created a plan and it was all happening that Saturday. It was their day off so there was no way they could escape, so when the sun rised John B., Pope and Kiara were in the front of the Chateau, John B. made sure all the windows and doors (except the front one) were closed and locked while Kiara typed Y/N's number in the phone. Y/N cover her head with blanked when her phone started ringing, but it made it stop, her hand slipped to the top of the commode, groaning as she picked up. "What?" she grumbled.

"Y/N! You have to come to the Chateau right now! JJ is crazy, he's freaking out, you have to come! He's only asking for you." Kiara said, trying to sound as more apprehensive as possible.

"Okay. I'm going." Y/N softly answered, quickly hanging up, her mind running miles an hour, but the only think she could focus on was being there to JJ. Cause he was her friend after all.

No.

He's was the one she loved. And think that only made she rush.

But she didn't know the same was happening to him, Pope just called JJ, saying the same and he was already getting up, grabing the first - dirty - shirt he found on the floor and his dad passed out on the couch didn't meant a thing as he made his way to his motorcycle. If something happen to her, he would never forgive himself. He didn't even mind to park his bike as he arrived, the house was empty though, there was nobody to see so he thought the worse. Ready to leave straight to her house - or worse, the hospital - he heard her voice.

"JJ?" she yelled, sounding like a beg to her ears, a beg that he was okay, sounding to him as the most melodic sound he heard in the last few days.

She was in the door way, sweatshirt loose covering half of her biker shorts, flipflops on, a bandana holding her hair down. JJ was relieved she was there, and fine, but couldn't help to think he was the most idiot guy in the whole planet for causing the distance between them when he could be holding her tight against him.

He putted his hands on the pockets of his moletom pants, she stare at him, trying to process whatever was wrong. He seemed alright, messy blonde hair, bright blue eyes staring back at her, kinda confused, kinda scared, kinda sad. Y/N felt her heart broke a little for him, cutting the distance between then she reached for his face, looking around for any cuts or bruises.

"Are you okay? You hurt?" she asked.

"Why would I be?" he asked back.

The door behind shutted with a bang, a key sound locking it. Y/N quickly tried opening, miserably.

"What the fuck?" she yelled.

"Make it up to each other." The pogues yelled back.

It was hardly long minutes she spent trying to shake the door open. JJ was trying to find the right thing to say, but his throat felt closed.

Y/N turned around, giving up the door. Seeing each other standing there, like they weren't best friends - crazily in love - made their hearts hurt a little.

"I have anything to apologize for." Y/N started.

"I know."

They sitted on the couch, far away. Y/N was feeling the words piling in her head, stuck in her chest, ready to be spilled.

"How could you say that?" "I'm sorry..." " Shut up! You have being talking way to much. And I don't have a chance to say how I feel?!" She gulped, to see if it could hold the tears back. "You said sweet things to me and you kept sleeping with me, but going around and saying we could never work? So what were you trying to do with me? Keep yourself busy?"

"No! I wasn't." he swore, eyeing the floor instead of her, he could feel she staring at him, and he could feel the pain in her gaze, the one he caused. "I know what I said was fucked up. God! I know I fucked everything and that's such a shit, because it's what I've being afraid of."

The things he practice to say to her when he had a chance disappeared from his mind. But he knew how to confess to her, he couldn't lie to her. So he looked in her eyes. "I thought we could never work out, because I would screw it, because I'd make you feel like this. If we kept just in the friends line maybe we could go back. But I can't. Y/N. I'm SO in love with you. I'm sorry I didn't knew that earlier."

"Do you know it now?"

"Yes, I do." he fastly answered. "Please forgive me, we can go back to being just friends, I don't wanna lose you."

"I don't wanna be your friend, JJ. Because I'm SO in love you." she smiled.

He excitedly got closer, still not touching her, afraid of doing something wrong. "So it's okay?" she nodded, biting her bottom lip lightly. "Good, I'm so in love with you."

"Then shut up and kiss me."

And he did. Passionate and full of certainty, he cared her lips with his own, she putted his hands on her waist, he didn't lost time to bring her closer. "I want to be my girlfriend, I would do anything to not fuck it up. I promise." he whispered between kisses.

"I'll be. You can talk to me, we can work this together."

Her back met the sofa as he leaned over her, starting to kiss not only her mouth, but her neck, and cheeks, forehead, any place he could reach, she was all giggles.

"God! What is this spell?"

#jj maybank #obx fanfiction #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank x you

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baekxytocin · 2 years ago

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Military Discharge (M)

Fluff

Mature

Romantic

Smut

Warning: This is a mature, sensitive content. Please read at your own risk.

*Sequel from 100 Days My Prince.

Character:

Baekhyun

Reader

‘Better safe than to be sorry’

1333 words

Today is the day your husband, Byun Baekhyun, was discharged from the military. Waiting for him for around a year and nine months feels longer for you, though he returned home once in a while. You are thankful to be invited to watch the closing ceremony for those who have completed their military service. He may not notice you taking pictures of him since you are covering yourself with face masks for protection. “Better safe than to be sorry” you remember your husband always reminding you of the pandemic standard health procedure.

When all soldiers who completed military service are dismissed, you finally saw him coming out from the military stage. You wave at him and he sees you too. You can see his smile although he covers himself with face masks. You quickly run to him when you saw him spreading his arm open wide. “Gosh, it’s been two weeks. I miss my love so much” he tightens his embrace. “Me too, hubby…. Let’s go home” and he nods in agreement.

“You must be tired. I’ll drive,” you insist although Baekhyun offers to drive home. He just smiles. Baekhyun asks to drop by and buy some takeaway food since he doesn’t want to see you spending time doing house chores. “I want to spend time with you, my love. All I see was a muscular man at the camp, at the social work…. Gosh, I thought I’m going crazy” you only laugh hearing him saying that.

When you reach home, your husband strictly wants you two to clean yourselves first. You agree with him; since the pandemic is still around though the situation gradually getting better. You ask him to have a bath first, while you clean your hands and transfer the food bought earlier to a few plates. You take turns to take bath while Baekhyun takes his time calling his parents about him being safely and healthily discharged from military service. After that, both of you enjoy the food together. He continues chatting even at the kitchen table, telling you about his military life; what was happening every morning at the social work, the important events, and some memories that he cannot forget while he was doing military service. He feels good to be able to take a break from the entertainment world and has a chance to socialise with professional soldiers, and social workers and be friends with them.

You carefully listen to each history your husband tells you. You share his happiness for being able to complete his military service; as you know that alongside Suho, his military service was a bit longer than his fellow EXO members. “Wow…. I wonder what happen the moment I return to the entertainment world. I must be like when I was still a rookie, being awkward and all that” he expresses his concern. “Don’t worry hubby, you’ll be fine. After all, you are called Genius Idol for a reason” you encouraged him. “Thank you, sweetie. Without your love and support, I seriously can’t face this world alone” He sighs.

He helps you with the dishes. However, when you stare at his body from behind, you feel that his body is toner than before though it’s just two weeks since you last see each other. You can’t help yourself but feel sensual around him; as it’s been too long since you’re not been together. “Hubby….” You slowly get closer to him and hug him from the back. He understands you and he too wanted the same. He finishes washing dishes and immediately hugs you back, fiercely kissing you while he slowly leads you to the bedroom.

Today, going to the bedroom seems longer than you think at the present. You need him urgently. “Hubby, I want you now…. I can’t stand anymore….” You plead. “Sweetie, just a few steps to….” But you don’t care, you fully undress him right before the bedroom. He didn’t argue with you, taking off your clothes until you are as bare as him. You hastily kneel down and taste his long, delicious cock. He grunts while moving his body along with your movement.

You wrap his waist with your right leg while gently grinding your lower part against his, and ferociously kissing each other, as you two explore each other bodies, making you both moan erotically. “You’re fully wet now, sweetie…. I need you now; I can’t wait anymore.”

“Ummm…. me too….” you whimper as you keep grinding yourself against his lower part. Hearing your approval, he instantly inserts his already hard member inside you, while still standing. You two grunt louder. “I want to…. Ugh….”

“Cum around my cock, let me feel your hot juice” your husband takes turns sucking your nipples while holding your waist steadily. You reach your first orgasm, as you squeal louder. Amazingly, your husband releases his warm juice right after you cum as well. Yet, you still feel his shaft hard, and you know well that the round has not ended. “Next round” he takes a deep breath, hurriedly carrying you to the bedroom, and locking the door.

He lays down with you, quickly spreading your legs apart, and he enters you once again, in a missionary position. You keep moaning while clawing his back, but he simply doesn’t care as you two are letting go of that longingness together.

“Ahhhh hubby, ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ummm fuck yeah ahhhh ahhhh ahhhhhhh” you moan loudly while he slams his dick harder and faster into you, making you reach your second orgasm.

“Hubby…. More….” You beg shortly after taking a deep breath. “Of course, my love” he kisses you.

He places you on top of him again, sitting together upright on the bed, facing each other. His member is still inside you, this time he moves slowly, making sweet love with you. “I miss doing this” you slurred. “Don’t worry, I’m here now. We’ll do this frequently” he kisses your forehead. “Ohh…. You are so tight….” He continues while licking and sucking your boobs. “Ohh, hubby…. Why do I feel yours is getting longer and bigger…. Ahhh ahhhh, do you eat something….” you compliment him while blowing a kiss on his temple, then going down to his ear. “Maybe exercise helps, sweetie. But I could do this all night, your moan always making me hard again and again each time. Moan for me again, my love” you whine harder, your pussy is getting wetter hearing naughty words from him.

All of a sudden, his hand reaches out for your clit while still fucking you, constantly rubbing it making you arch your back while calling his name in fortissimo. You shiver, sending another orgasm over you. Your husband spins you around when you are still out not recovering from your last orgasm and currently taking you from behind while back hugging you. His right hand grope one of your breasts while the other hand caresses your stomach, then down all the way to your sensitive clit again.

“Ahhhh…. hubby ummm…. Ahhh ahhhh….ummm …. faster….” You urge him while supporting both of you with your hands. He obeys you and goes as fast as he could. You both scream louder, not caring about whoever hears it anymore. “Love…. ugh…. cumming…. AHHHH” your husband only manages to utter those words when you finally cum together. He quivers and groans loudly while shooting his warm juice deep inside your womb, and you both fall together on the bed, exhausted from the lovely intercourse.

Even with his eyes already half closed, he is still able to find your lips. You two kiss dearly for a moment. “My best gift for Valentine’s Day ever,” you said. “My military discharge or our lovemaking?” he asks while snuggling with you. “Both” you two giggling while patting his chest fluffily. “I love you forever and ever” Baekhyun hugs you to sleep. “I love you too, until the end of my life” and soon after you also sleep peacefully next to your husband.

Thank you for reading.

Uploaded on: 5th February 2023

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#baekhyun ff #baekhyun fanfic #byun baekhyun #exo baekhyun #baekhyun #exo byun baekhyun #baekhyun smut #exo smut #baekhyun x oc #bbh x reader #baekhyun x y/n #baekhyun x you #baekhyun x reader #valentine's day #valentine #military discharge #baekhyun military discharge #exo #byun bacon

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youandmedead · 2 years ago

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Hello! Is it ok if i request a idia x leviathan reader?

Have a great day!

(sebek mad at you for being a bad influence on waka sama))

ÌÐïå §hrðµÐ x Lêvïå†håñ !RêåÐêr!

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, Idia may be out of character because I’ve only had twisted wonderland for a week and this is my first time writing for him

Requested by: @raimusmilktea

Notes: Hey doll and thank you so much for requesting! I love both Idia and Leviathan so much, so I was really excited to write this 💜 Ngl I may do some angsty headcanons for Idia soon too, so lemme know if you’d be interested.

𖤐 Ortho picked up on the situation pretty quickly to be honest. Idia’s mannerisms and heart rate changed whenever you were around so it didn’t take long for his conclusion to be made.

𖤐 To say the least, nobody really thought that the day where Idia Shroud would finally manage to find a significant other would ever come (including himself).

𖤐 So when you first appeared, everyone wasnt expecting the two socially awkward nerds to become an item.

𖤐 Things started out pretty slow, you were testing the waters here and there to see what was comfortable and what wasn’t. Conversations weren't exactly both of your strong suits unless it had to do with topics that involved your hyper fixations ( but I suppose that was the main/one of the main foundations that you built your bond upon.)

𖤐 As mentioned, Idia is better conversing through message. His true colours definitely shine quicker and brighter that way! Conversations about gaming, different theories you guys have, cats, how awful socialising is and talking about how envious y’all are of extroverts etc would ensue for hours on end! (He'd also definitely send you some of the most out of pocket shit ever).

𖤐 Helping each other out with your anxiety is a likely thing that will happen as your relationship progresses. Idia will identify your triggers and try his best (bless his soul) to help you calm down - he does expect the same treatment back when he is in need of it too though.

𖤐 He'd love the fact that he'd have a s/o who he can share so much in common with, it makes him feel less like a black sheep.

𖤐 Staying up all night gaming and having anime marathons with shit tons of energy drink, coffee and junk food are a 100% must - whether its date night or not.

𖤐 Idia’s love languages are most likely quality time and words of affirmation so these traits would definitely show when you guys are alone in his room doing the stuff you both love most other than each other.

𖤐 The build up to your first kiss would've been quite staggered but Idia was definitely certain he wanted to play the pocky game to its fullest extent. It was short and sweet but as you were about to quickly but gently pull away (face set ablaze) he’d place one of his hands on the side of your face and whisper, ‘P-please just a little longer.’ His hair was tainted a rosy pink, along with his cheeks after that.

𖤐 Show him your demon form! He'd be so enamored by it and mention how much remind him of one of his favourite fictional characters and how you’re full of surprises. He’d probably be too shy to ask, but he’d love to feel your tail and look at your horns closer up - every time you shift his eyes will always be fixated on you.

𖤐 He is pretty good at sketching too and I strongly believe that he’d have a stash of drawings of you and your demonic features hidden somewhere (most likely under the floorboards or some shit).

𖤐 As Idia has an amazing way with technology, please ask him about what he is currently developing! Compliment the latest project hes working on, ask him about his thought and creative process! It'd mean so much to him! In return he’ll engage/ask you about your other hobbies!

𖤐 I imagine pda wouldn't be present very much in this relationship, however I can see Idia linking his pinky with yours sometimes during lessons or when you both get dragged outside when his anxiety levels raise - even though he isn't fully holding your hand the tips of his hair still turn a rosy pink.

𖤐 Pda in his room would be different though. I think that once either you/him built up enough courage to hug a surprising turn/new discovery was made and now you both hug as if the other were a lifeline. It’s a nice reminder that your still there or when things become too difficult the other half of yourselves are always close by to comfort you.

𖤐 Imagine Idia watching you playing on a game, whilst sitting on his bed and he’s gently hugging your waist and using your thighs as a pillow.

𖤐 During this time his smile will either be small and gentle or it’ll be a full blown maniacally cute grin because he’s so happy (GOD I LOVE HIS SMILE SO FUCKING MUCH!!!).

𖤐 Idia likes to make dates special in his own quirky way too!

𖤐 For example, since neither of you enjoyed going outside and he didn’t want to keep pulling the same clichéd date 24/7, he set up a little date in an online role-play game for you two to have a date in. However the majority of dates will simply consist of dinner in either his room or your room (candle-lit if you prefer) and you guys will just act as if you are out on a date in the outside world.

𖤐 Another thing that I really think Idia would be into is horror movies - mainly the monster genre like Frankenstein, Dracula, Creature from the black lagoon (the classics!). I think he’d really enjoy zombie movies too and y’all would have some mad conversations over what you’d do during the apocalypse - he is still really jumpy with horror so if you’re not bothered by it, take as a shot to get closer to him.

#twst x reader #twst wonderland #Idia shroud #Idia x reader #ignihyde #twst Idia

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historia-vitae-magistras · 2 years ago

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First and foremost, have you ever considered not killing your audience? One of these days I'm actually going to die from the emotional overload. And then I'm going to have to come back as a zombie to tell you about it. I'm not 100% sure that hasn't happened this time.

"He sucked in air and the wheeze that accompanied it was so horrific Alfred grabbed his shoulders and steered him to a bench as Matthew tried to get his breathe. Air coming in and out rapidly and almost uselessly like Matt was breathing through shredded black smiths billows. Alfred pulled him upright."

Has Matt ever thought that not triggering asthma attacks by ignoring when he needs a rest might be a fun pastime? He should consider it. But jokes aside, this passage really grabbed me - it felt like I went from "Matt being his usual stubborn self" to "holy shit is the baby okay" right along with Alfred. And the imagery - it's so vivid!

“Is that what you think? Fuck you.” Alfred scowled. “You’re such a–” Realization dawned on him and he turned to his brother, grabbing his shoulder again. “You little shit. You’re trying to piss me off so I leave this alone, aren’t you?”

The way you balance worry and amusement is absolutely masterful. You insert so many funny moments - which is 100% realistic - without ever actually dropping the tension.

Also I just really enjoyed Alfred recognizing Matt's tactic and Matt being surprised because he's fallen for it every other time in their lives. I love them so much.

“Will you bite my head off if I offer to make something?” Alfred asked, cautiously toeing off his shoes.

Matt gave a wry sort of look, almost amused. “No.”

“Hallelujah.” Alfred replied, throwing his hands above his head.

“Don’t push it.” Matt said but his face was light.

Again. I adore them. Alfred is often kind of neglectful as a brother, but he does love Matt so much, and Matt will even give in and let himself be taken care of. I just... my heart.

"He still looked like Matt when he was asleep, sweet and still, like the man the cherubic baby Matt should have grown into rather than the wraith that had to shake off their father or the trenches."

I think about here is where I really started dying. The image of who Matt should've been able to be vs. what history has made him, and the equating of Arthur and literal trench warfare as things he needs to shake off - it's true and painful and you always convey such complex things in such few words.

And I feel like there's maybe a touch of unreliable narrator here? Because absolutely, Matt should have been able to grow up gentler and more able to accept affection than he is, but it's not strictly accurate to imply that Arthur's influence and guidance is entirely foreign to his personality. Matt absolutely shaped himself into Arthur's favorite weapon, but I think you've said he also naturally has a number of Arthur's traits. So while he does need to fully shake off what the trenches did to him, and a good chunk of what Arthur demanded of him, he's still going to be more like the limey than Alfred is happy with. But Alfred doesn't entirely believe/doesn't like that, so there's the implication in his mind that "who Matt was supposed to be" is free of Arthur's traits, even though that's not necessarily true.

“Bringing Gilbert’s head back like a fucked up barn cat gave me some leeway.” Matt said, the sly smile on his face fading into something more serious. “But yeah. By the end, by the hundred days, we talked. About what I did. About what he didn’t stop. And I told him to shove it up his ass sometimes. He’s a hypocrite and so am I.”

See, this... I don't know how to feel about this. (Besides love for the writing, obviously.) I feel horrible that Matt had to do such horrible things and live through all of that, and I hate Arthur for putting his kids in those positions. But in a fucked up way I'm glad that it gave them a relationship where Matt can call Arthur out on things? Like, at least it's better than if they did all that and then still didn't talk about anything. It's complicated. I like the relationship development and hate the motivation, I guess.

"Matt was trying to rally himself, push Alfred off and reach for the tea, muttering about how he was fine when there was a loud crack. The windows rattled and suddenly he had his arms full of his brother, shaking like the last maple leaves on the trees, eyes screwed shut and mouthing something in French Alfred couldn’t make out."

Sobbing Matt thinks someone's shooting and his first instinct is to grab Alfred... my heart.

Matt leaned in more, burying his face in Alfred. “You don’t let anything happen to me.”

“Never have, never will.”

This one especially hurt me because it's... not strictly true. Alfred has let stuff happen - has been the bad stuff happening to Matt at times. But he never wants it to be like that. And he means what he's saying even if it's not true, sort of?

And I guess it feels true for Matt too, because despite being in the throes of PTSD his brain is still saying "Alfred's safe, trust Alfred." I just... I'm sobbing.

“No.” He burrowed against Alfred more tightly, like he was four, barely spoke English and it was a cold morning he didn’t feel like greeting just yet. He’d always had a streak of stubbornness.

Matt rolled over towards him, hugging his side, demanding warmth and making a contented sound when Alfred let him with a snort. “You always were a snuggly baby.”

The juxtaposition of Alfred remembering baby Matt and noting the mannerisms that have persisted vs. Matt as an adult trying to recover from being essentially the perfect soldier is... I need to lie down. It's so soft and so devastating at the same time.

I know I say this every time, but it's because it's true - I love your work so much. You balance all these factors and tie all these threads together so expertly, it's stunning.

The inhuman sounds of joy make when I read one of your comments 😭😭 thank you so much.

#the ask box || probis pateo #why i write #naxos

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anamazingangie · 1 year ago

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20 questions for fic writers

no one tagged me i just wanted to do this. idk who came up with it.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 75

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 641,881

3. What fandoms do you write for? HotD– Daemyra [sometimes + other characters for SPICE], S&B—Darklina

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Significance

Premium

the end of a dance and the beginning of something better

a prince is born

Anything

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I *try* to. But if i’m responding i’m not writing, and if I have comments to respond to, it’s probably because the writing muses have been kind to me, and I would rather take advantage of that while it lasts. And then they pile up and it’s been so long it feels rude to reply? Idk. It’s hard to explain but I do 100% read and love every comment I get and they motivate me SO much!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All Dragons go to Heaven, by far—it’s my only fic that follows canon events in terms of timeline/character death.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think except for a select few, all my fics have happy endings. ‘Getting Lucky ’ comes to mind because it’s pretty feel good all the way along—’magically meant to be ’ and ‘a princess and a painter’ have happy endings but some angst at the start!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely—a lot less than I expected tbh, given what I write lol!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Uh. All of it? Like seriously, I’ve done 30+ kink prompts this month alone. I’d say my ‘staples’ are size kink, overstimulation, and unprotected sex. M/M/F threesomes have sort of become a thing with me too. But I’ve done a bit of everything — ABO, M/M, anal, lactation kink, necro, ovi, etc.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve done crossovers in that one story is retold with different characters (cinderalla inspired, hades and persephone inspired, romeo and juliet, etc.) but I’ve never had characters from two different fandoms in one fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that i’m aware of—i’ve given people permission, though, so maybe?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I like to think i’ve INSPIRED a few fics before but that is closest i’ve gotten. I would love to do an event where lots of people contribute to a single story, though.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Writing? Daemyra is my <3 But I probably read more Darklina fic than any other. Also a Dramione & Zutara girlie.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All of them? Kidding. Kind of. My writing inspiration and speed is very fickle, I can write 10k words one day and not type a single thing for the following three weeks. So unless something is fully pre-written when I start to post it, I’m not very confident about it ever getting finished.

BUT that being said, I don’t have any fics that I don’t want to finish or plan to abandon. It is just a matter of time/inspiration/motivation.

The one that seems least likely tho is ‘a prince is born’ simply because the established timeline doesn’t really make sense so it basically has to be fully rewritten and right now that sounds very Not Fun compared to literally everything else i’m working on.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, maybe variety? I feel like I’m good at exploring the same characters and relationship dynamics no matter the time period or circumstances. And maybe smut? Idk. I’m a very weak person so this is hard to answer.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ahh this one I can answer: Planning. Structure. Timelines. Consistency. Spelling. Punctuation. Impulsively starting new things and ignoring WIPs.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not really interested in it. I have enough trouble with english.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HotD/Daemyra

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I can’t pick because my work is super self indulgent so I like a lot of them for different reasons.

Here are five,

deliciae

Three Heads of the Dragon

gifts from the grave

Consummation

the dragon king

I’m tagging : @luthien-under-bough, @calenlily, @ar-feyniel

(if they haven’t already done it)

#writing #tag

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cindyclaireb · 4 months ago

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MBTI: Do Four Letters Define Me?

MBTI? What's that? 🔍

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), based on Carl Jung's theories, is a personality assessment tool. This is a test people can take that asks them parts of their personality and is then assigned a personality type based on sixteen different attributes. These are Extraversion (E)/Introversion (I), Sensing (S)/Intuition (N), Thinking (T)/Feeling (F), and Judging (J)/Perceiving (P). This is commonly used for collaboration, career advice, and personal development because the test results can provide a complete picture of your personality.

Mistyped by Mistake 💔

The MBTI personality test is something that I’m awfully familiar with. It became one of my interests especially during the COVID-19 pandemic since I was stuck with nothing to do at home and with me wanting to get to know myself better. After taking the test, I was shocked as to how it accurately described me and was eager to learn more about my type. But as I did, it became more apparent to me how I actually don’t fully relate to this type at all. I eventually realized that I was taking the test wrong and was not staying true to myself. I answered the test based on the type of person I wanted to be, instead basing it on who I really was.

Second Chances 💗

I decided to retake the test a couple of months later and I got a different result this time. It was ISFP, which is also known as the ‘Adventurers’ or the ‘Artists’. And after reading more about it and comparing it to how I feel, think, and act, I thought that this type definitely described me more than my previous type. It did a good job in describing my personality, my mindset, and how I approach things at a basic level, but I personally don’t relate to it at a 100% accuracy. Now, every time I retake this personality test on 16Personalities.com, I almost always have ISFP-T (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving - Turbulent) as my personality type. I relate to it for various reasons.

"I change during the course of a day. I wake and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else."

Understanding My Traits 🤔

Introverted

Introverts are well-known for their love for alone time and the quiet. According to 16Personalities, they prefer fewer, yet deep and meaningful, social interactions and feel drawn to calmer environments. This was one trait that I was sure that I had, with the result being 83%. I feel like the test did a good job in reaffirming that, with questions ranging from how eager I was to meet people, to how I would like to unwind after a busy day—which my answers were all akin to that of an introvert. I do find that it can be difficult sometimes to be one, as the world tends to favor extroverts more and I think it is easier for them to get ahead in life, but I try my best as I go.

Observant/Sensing

The website says that this trait is likely pragmatic and down-to-earth, with a strong focus on what is happening or very likely to happen. My results were 57% on this one, meaning that I can sway a little between being an observer and being intuitive, but I think being an observer describes me more. I like to get caught up on the details of things. I am more in touch with physical nature and the environment around me, and often rely on the past and previous experiences��compared to intuitives who are more focused on the big picture, abstract contexts, and future possibilities.

Feeling

Feelers value emotional expression and sensitivity, prioritizing empathy, social harmony, and cooperation. My nature was a 69% feeling, so I relate to this more than being a thinker which is more on being analytical and rational. I like to approach and communicate with people with their emotions in mind. During group projects, I am more inclined to consider other people’s input and decisions and make sure everyone is on good terms. When making smaller decisions or absorbing content online, I tend to react with my emotions first than anything else.

Prospecting/Perceiving

I got a 57% in prospecting, which means that I am likely very adaptable, easygoing and flexible, and that I prioritize spontaneity over stability. I feel like this is something that I don’t really relate to, hence the 57%, but I have traits that can be both Judging or Prospecting. I do like it when I can keep my options open, I can be easygoing, and I do tend to procrastinate. But on the other hand, I also like to plan ahead for something and to get tasks done as soon as possible. Both options do apply to me and how I act entirely depends on the situation.

Turbulent

Lastly, I am 75% turbulent, meaning I am self-conscious, sensitive to stress, success-driven, perfectionistic, and eager to improve. Assertive individuals are self-assured, even-tempered, and resistant to stress—which I think is obviously superior to being turbulent. Despite the unfair description for this trait, they do tend to be humble, introspective, and self-aware, which has its advantages too.

All in all…🖌️

I think that this test can be useful for people who want to get to know themselves better, as the test’s results tell you your strengths, weaknesses, how you interact with other people, and what type of career would suit you. While it gives you very thorough information and while this test is very popular for a reason, it also is not 100% accurate. It’s not supposed to be an official diagnostic tool. I initially took it too seriously when it’s really only just a fun tool that you can use to assess and understand yourself better. In my opinion, it cannot possibly be super accurate to someone since humans have such complex personalities and experiences that defines them more than four letters ever could. There is no need to conform yourself fully to your personality type in order to define who you are. Instead, let it be your guide so you can improve on yourself in your own way and to find a like-minded community that understands you.

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makeste · 3 years ago

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BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain

Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.

lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then

“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh

so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down

his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch

(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)

side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”

ha ha ha, fucking ouch

are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??

huh

you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you

(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)

also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice

fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two

All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you

is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist

look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is

ffkdjslk

“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what

-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol

okay fuck this

see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight

just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up

oh my god

“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob

omg why am I laughing. shit

this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it

lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao

just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me

adsfklwkfsdwgkj

ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg

STAIN: heard you talking shit old man

ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain

STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way

ME: gljfljgk

(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)

sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”

good thing he still knows how to do this party trick

A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything

lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone

way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one

oh wait

Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride

oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this

(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)

Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony

dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue

oh my god my heart

shit

why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters

“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit

and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could

so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might

“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks

wtf

are you dead All Might

I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol

oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??

hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??

oh my godddd

and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much

FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON

holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol

OH ARE WE STILL GOING

my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think

...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time

I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma

YAYYY

it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit

anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech

I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place

-- okay LISTEN

YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this

holy fucking shit

“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”

so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then

“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”

it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip

anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol

“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort

so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol

mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit

#bnha 326 #all might #yagi toshinori #stain (bnha)#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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peanutpinet · 3 years ago

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Yuta (cold mafia boss)

Prompt: 20)“The only time a man should be fast is when he’s trying to dodge my bullets.” - 100 Dialogue Prompts for Mob Boss AUs

A/N: since NCT 127 have decided to attack us since Friday with all their day/night posts and whatever more things they still got in the back storage, I just gotta do some fics about the dark concept, cause like, yea XD. I asked my friend whose bias is Yuta to choose a prompt and so, here we are XD

Warnings: some form of harassment, cursing (it's Yuta) drinking, spiked drink and hint of kidnapping

It was a Friday night and you were more than excited to finally have some time off to hang out with your boyfriend, Yuta, who was also part "gang leader" of NCT, an infamous group that people thought do illegal doings when they're the ones shutting the illegal businesses down.

Yuta being Yuta didn't disclose what he did from the beginning. But he also never fully tell you everything which, is understandable, it was confidential information. Despite so, Yuta never restricted your movements and you both would have some normal cafe dates, picnic dates, etc. Even so, there will be times where Yuta would have you do some personal training that includes self-defence, quizzes about types of chemicals, guns, etc. In his defense, he just wants you to be prepared should something goes wrong and you're alone.

Despite following Yuta's needs, you would sometimes joke about how it won't happen or that Yuta will make sure it wouldn't go too far or even if anything did happen, you were sure that Yuta would eventually find a way to make things right. Boi, were you in for a treat.

As mentioned, you were finally going to have a night out with Yuta after so long and had just finished getting ready when you received a text from Yuta saying, "hey love, sorry this is super last minute but could you change into a more black-tie dress code? We are sort of having a business dinner tonight and I want to bring you as my date. I'm on my way to pick you up right now. Don't worry, you don't have to put on anything you're uncomfortable cause whatever you wear, you still look hot to me ;)"

So of course you did what Yuta asked. You changed into a simple long black dress that fitted your figure and touched up your makeup a bit more and let your hair down. As you were putting on the last of your accessories and about to put your shoes on, Yuta was already ringing the bell. You quickly opened the door for him and told him that you were just going to put your shoes on which Yuta chuckled and helped you as he saw you struggling.

"You didn't have to go all out and wear heels babe, you'll have sore feet by the end of the night" Yuta mentioned, holding you steady as you were putting on your heels

"I mean, if it's just dinner, I'll just be sitting either way. You so owe me with a pizza movie night next week" you complained, finally putting your shoes

"Anything for you babe. Let's go" Yuta smiled, bringing your arm wrapped around his and helped you get into the car before he went to the driver's seat

Arriving at the dinner, you felt out of place since this was the first time Yuta actually brought you. Noticing your nervous state, Yuta wrapped his arm over your shoulder, telling you that he'll be right beside you unless you need to go to the restroom or need some personal space.

Nodding, Yuta gave you a heartwarming smile and brought you around. First and foremost, to his other members that were joining the dinner, the people you knew the week you and Yuta started dating. Allowing some weight off since how worried you were.

"Oh, (Y/N)!! Welcome!! Hope Yuta didn't force you to come here" Johnny greeted you which Yuta gave him a glare

"Well, he sorta promised me for a pizza movie night date next week, so I guess it's a winwin" you replied, chuckling

"Oooh, can we come? I miss just watching movies on the weekend" Jungwoo requested, pulling out his puppy eyes

"Maybe if you find yourself a girlfriend, I'd consider it" Yuta hissed, you hit him playfully

"Hey (Y/N), sometimes I wonder what you see in Yuta. He's so aggressive" Jungwoo joked as Taeyong tried to calm everyone and directed everyone to their table since dinner was starting

Dinner surprisingly went well and the opposing business partners were actually cooperating; like, they would agree to what NCT were asking, even giving some suggestions for the corporation. But nevertheless, every NCT member were on their best guard; heck, they all had their guns rested by their hips and even knifes hidden within their clothing.

Seeing how the talk about the business bore you, you took a big sip off of the drink the waiter had just poured for you. Suddenly feeling the urge to go to the bathroom, you excused yourself from everyone at the table, nodding your head when Yuta told you to immediately come back once you're done.

However, you didn't go to the bathroom because of the urge to pee or anything. Instead, it's because you didn't feel too good, maybe the alcohol in your drink was a bit too much to your tolerance but whether you want to admit it or not, you didn't feel good and felt like you could pass out at any second.

After purging and sitting down for a bit, you felt slightly better but not good enough because everything around you was tilted. Taking a deep breath, you just kept on thinking how the dinner table wasn't that far and if you hurry, you can just make it to Yuta's side and pass out however you like.

Pulling whatever willpower you have left, you stood up and started to walk out of the bathroom. Holding onto the wall, you slowly walked down the hall back to your table, until someone came up to you, asking if you were alright which you told them that you were fine. You may be dizzy and not feeling good, but you surely weren't dumb nor were you drunk.

Despite the guy saying that all he wanted to do was to help you, you clearly knew that wasn't his true intention since he was gripping you a bit too much to your liking. You've tried pushing him away but that only made his grip tighter. And to top it off, instead of helping you to your actual table or at least asking where your table was, he brought you to a more quiet area; making your heart beat quicker.

Unfortunately, at this point, whatever was in your drink was sinking it and you slowly start to lose consciousness and hope as from what you can see, you were far from your table. But thank the universe because all of a sudden you hear a loud ring and the tight grip was gone; instead, it was replaced by a warm embrace.

"Get him out of here before I actually kill him right here and now" you heard Yuta's stern voice commanding his other members

"I got you, baby. Let's get you back home, hmm?" you heard Yuta's voice turned soft; not having any more energy, you just nodded and fell asleep in his embrace

Because Yuta felt he can't leave you alone nor not torment the people that hurt you, he decided to bring you back to NCT's place. Wiping off your makeup and putting on your skincare for you, Yuta had one of the maids help change your clothes and then he tucked you in bed; not leaving your side until he's convinced that you're fully asleep before leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead then quietly leaving the room.

Walking out of the room, he saw Jeno and Jaemin, asking them to guard your room until he gets back. Making his way to the basement, he met with the NCT members that joined the dinner that did not end well at all.

Turns out, not long after you left, the neos already had a bad feeling; that something was not right, especially since their "business partners" were eyeballing the situation around them and it was revealed that the dinner was just a cover-up and that they were planning to use you to get to the neos, which clearly did not end well for them.

"Is she alright?" Taeyong asked, seeing Yuta was fuming

"She's very much passed out the second I found her. Are they all in there?" Yuta questioned strictly

"Yea. All tied up and blindfolded on the ground" Johnny mentioned

"Good" Yuta smirked, slamming the door open, making the prisoners jerked in surprise

"Rise and shine motherf*ckers. I hope you're ready for what's coming" Yuta shouted as some of the neos took their blindfolds off

"And y'all call yourselves men. Tch. You guys may be agile but not agile enough. The only time a man should be fast is when he’s trying to dodge my bullets. Not getting caught by their enemies. And surely not looking or thinking to do anything to another person's girlfriend. Oh well, what's done is done. Be lucky that we all got there in time. But, that doesn't mean I'll go easy on you. Let's see...should I start off with your fingers because you touched my girl or your head for ever thinking that little stunt of yours. Either way, I'm definitely going to take my time with you all" Yuta ranted, a smirk forming on his face as he saw the horror of his prisoners while the neos put their blindfolds back on

A/N: yeap, this turned out longer than expected. Welp, this is what happens when NCT updates with a dark concept I guess XD

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batsandbugs · 4 years ago

Text

The Great IKEA Game

Chapter 11: Playing the Game

AN: I hope y'all enjoy this non-stop flirt-a-thon, chapter count got increased again, so we'll get back to the plot in the next chapter!

At first, Marinette didn’t know how to act. This was the last route she expected Damian to take. The shock of Damian’s lips against hers turned her body rigid; hands splayed out to the sides, unsure of where to touch. After a second of floundering, she gained enough bearing to place her hands firmly on Damian’s arms. Her once still lips hesitantly moving against his. The closed-mouth kiss stayed chaste, but Marinette found herself fluttering her eyes closed, sinking into the warmth.

Damian stood taller than her, bending into the kiss while she craned her neck. Marinette pushed herself upward, arching onto the tips of her toes, and Damian’s hands wrapped tighter around her waist, deepening the kiss. She readjusted her mouth for a second grabbing a quick gasp of air before diving in again with more fervor. Damian responded in kind, pushing her back fully against the wall, one hand migrating from her waist to cup her cheek.

Damn. Damian was a good kisser.

“What the- Hey, customers are not allowed to be in here!”

Oh, right. The employee. That’s why they were kissing.

Why would kissing be helpful in this situation?

Not that Marinette was complaining, but-

Damian pulled away from her, and Marinette held back a pitiful whine when he turned away and faced the employee.

‘Bad thoughts, Marinette,’ she chided herself. ‘Focus on the mission, not Damian, or his lips, or his eyes, or-’

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that,” said Damian with a bashful smile.

Wait…

Blink.

What?

Marinette dragged herself out of the kiss-induced bliss, focusing on her co-conspirator, and had she been less in control of herself her jaw would have dropped.

Damian’s whole demeanor had markedly changed. His normal sharp posture sunk into a causal slouch; the emotions on his face, generally a mix of sharp observation or practiced disdain, now a mix of charming elegance and, yes, bashfulness. He flashed a wide grin at the oncoming employee, a person in their early twenties, who froze when they saw them.

Or rather, Damian.

Rapidly blinking bright blue eyes gazed at them. “Oh, oh you- you’re-”

“Yeah, yeah, we all know who I am,” said Damian, rubbing the back of his neck. Even the way he spoke changed; careful pronunciation and formality thrown out the window for a lax New Jersian drawl. “What’s your name?” He asked with such a genuine smile, had Marinette not been versed in people lying through their teeth, she would have bought it.

Not for the first time, Marinette wondered how famous Damian’s family was – obviously rich enough, and high profile enough - to be recognized on the spot.

The person paused for a moment, fiddling with a strand of curly blond hair. “I’m- I’m ah… Fey, nice to meet you Mr.-”

Damian cut them off with a laugh. “Oh please, any name with a mister makes me think of my father or my older brother. Call me Dami.” He offered a hand to the flustered Fey. They limply shook it.

“Oh… ah- alright Dami.”

Damian encircled a hand around Marinette’s waist dragging her out of the weirdness induced fugue state she’d fallen into. “And this… well,” he lowered his eyes, catching her attention and winked. “This is my girlfriend Marinette.”

Fuck, this is what he meant by play along.

Fey dropped open their mouth before closing it quickly.

“Oh, I hadn’t read-”

Damian cut the flustered employee off again.

“We’ve kept it quiet.” He waved his hand dismissively. “The papers would devour a story like this,” he said, with a sense of vapid annoyance, although a trace of his normal calculated disdain accented his words.

Note to self; Damian didn’t like the media. Good, Marinette didn’t much like the invasive vultures either.

Fey nodded along, twirling a lock of hair on their finger. “Oh yeah, that totally makes sense.” They paused shaking their head to clear away an emotion… awe? Fear? Marinette couldn’t tell. “But uh, why are you here? Like in the stairwell, not in the store. Because of course celebrities would still shop, right? I mean-” Poor Fey was a stuttering mess. Marinette almost felt bad for them.

She felt like an absolute stuttering mess too, but she would be damned if Damian would carry this lie all by himself.

She was fucking Ladybug; savior of Paris, Guardian of the Miraculous.

She could act like a lovestruck fool.

“It iz so sweet,” she said, emphasizing her accent to add a little more pageantry to this entire scheme. “I just arrived back from Paris, and wanted to decorate my new apartment with ze ah-” she waved her hands around, “Oh, how you Americans put it? Fairy lights?”

Fey nodded quickly. “Yeah, we have a couple of good selections, but-” Marinette continued before they could logic their way out of the made-up cover story.

“I planned to go by myself, but Dami-” at this she moved forward to wrap her arms around his, leaning into his side. The warmth of his body bleeding through his clothes. “He insisted on ‘companying me even though he dozen’t like ze crowds.” She leaned forward with a conspiratorial air. “He gets grumpy,” she divulged with a girlish giggle. Why Damian did a 180 on his personality was a complete mystery, but if he dropped the act, this would make Fey less suspicious.

Fey nodded right along like Marinette’s comment made total sense. “Yeah, I don’t read too many magazines, but damn they must pin you all wrong,” they said to Damian. From Marinette’s position at his side, she felt his body tense the slightest amount. “Gotham’s Ice Prince, yeah right.”

Marinette inwardly quirked an eyebrow. ‘Ice Prince, huh?’ The name sounded familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on where she’d heard it before.

Damian nervously chuckled again, sounding more authentic this time. “Oh no, I’m a grump when it comes to the media, I fully admit. My, ah,” he looked at her again, an apology flashing in his green eyes. “Angel here puts me in a better mood.”

A rushing noise filled Marinette’s ears, and her heart quickened. She vaguely registered a squeal of delight coming from Fey, but it sounded far away compared to her blood pounding at a thunderous level. Heat flushed in her cheeks, and the confident smile she plastered on her face almost dropped at the pet name.

Angel.

He called her angel.

What level of utter insanity had she dropped into?

“A few disguises later,” Damian continued, adjusting the glasses on his face, and oblivious of the turmoil he’d created in Marinette’s mind. “I thought we’d be able to stay under the radar, I just wanted a day out with my girlfriend,” he said with a put-upon sigh. The emotional, charming actions stood in complete opposite to Damian’s normal demeanor.

Marinette found herself desperately torn between breaking down laughing hysterically or clapping at Damian’s masterful performance.

“You got noticed?” asked Fey.

“We got noticed.” Damian sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. Marinette regretted not touching it while she and Damian kissed; was it as fluffy as it looked? “And Marinette, the sweet angel she is, isn’t used to the whole utter insanity of… you know, dating a celebrity.” He glanced at her, teasing her with a fonder smirk than his usual. Marinette wanted to roll her eyes. Damian had no clue she knew very well the consequences of dating a celebrity.

Never mind she’d only dated Adrian a month before they broke up because his dad turned out to be a psychopathic supervillain intent on plunging the whole of France into an apocalyptic hellscape in an attempt to upset the universes’ balance, and was fully okay with killing the both of them to make it happen.

Being friends after that little debacle was the better option. For both their sanities.

‘Focus Marinette.’ She dragged her attention back to the conversation.

“We kinda ducked in here when nobody was paying attention. I want to keep this away from the media as long as possible, for my angel’s privacy.” Marinette wanted to scoff at how Damian leaned into that nickname. He certainly was laying it on thick. Marinette wouldn’t have bought the act, but that was due to her years of lying and deceiving in the name of super-heroics.

Fey, with their eager demeanor and bright blue eyes, didn’t stand a chance.

“Oh, that’s awful people wouldn’t leave you alone. I bet most celebrities would be familiar with the attention, but for you to look out for Marinette too?” They whistled. “Damn girl, he’s a keeper for sure.”

The blush gracing Marinette’s cheeks was 100% real. “Oh, well, ah, zank you. I know.”

“Well, no one will hear a word from me,” Fey promised. They fiddled with their hands and sent a shy smile at Damian. Marinette’s stomach clenched at the sight, and without her permission, her traitorous hands tightened their grip on Damian’s arm. “Without your family’s scholarship, my sister never would have graduated med school. She would kill me if I even thought of ratting you out to the papers.”

“Oh…” said Damian, his outward appearance of shock mirroring Marinette’s own internal emotions.

‘His family is rich enough to fund medical scholarships?’

“Well, that’s not on me directly, you know,” he commented. “All my father’s doing. I hope- ah… I hope she’s doing well?” Although his face portrayed a bashful and relaxed air, his body language screamed uncomfortableness. Marinette released one hand from his arm and brought it to rest on the small of his back, circling her thumb around. He relaxed, slightly, and Marinette smiled.

“Yeah, actually she is,” said Fey beaming. “She’s working at the new pediatric clinic that opened in Crime Alley.”

“Good for her,” said Damian honestly. “We need more people willing to work to make the city a better place. Money can only do so much.”

“Money definitely helps though,” Fey replied, wryly. Marinette agreed. Long-buried memories of her early years arose. Living above her parents’ shop, where every month they spread their bills across the kitchen table and talked in hushed tones while Marinette sat on the steps to her attic room and worried, even if at five and six she didn’t know what she was worried about.

Those days were long gone. Her parents and their creations internationally famous, with three separate locations across the greater Paris metro alone. But that worry never really went away.

Fey shifted on their feet reading their watch. “Well, you guys stay here if you want until whatever crowd out there loses interest.” They gestured to the door Marinette and Damian entered through. “Or you can come with me if you want?” Pointing to the other locked door. “I’m heading out to the atrium to deal with a problem, but you can continue on with your shopping.”

“Zank you so much,” Marinette replied. “We will go with you if you do not mind?”

“Of course not,” said Fey, walking to the door and pulling out a security key. They opened the door, but Damian held it allowing Marinette and Fey to walk through before he followed. Placing a hand once more around Marinette’s waist.

“What problem in the atrium, if you don’t mind me asking?” he prodded, sharing a look with Marinette.

It could be nothing, but it could also have something to do with his brothers.

Considering their luck today, Marinette would be shocked if it wasn’t the latter option.

“Oh, well it started with the children’s center shutting down. Apparently, the kids got it in their minds to start a dodge ball fight with the workers. Which, you know, totally fair,” confided Fey, as they walked through the back corridors. “Sounded like it was a blast to watch. I was such a shit when I was a kid, I would have joined them in a heartbeat. It wrapped up fairly quickly, but they can’t convince the main instigator to descend from the jungle gym. I think they’re still hunting down her parents.”

Marinette pursed her lips trying to hold back a smile. ‘Oh, Abby,’ she thought, ‘you absolute gem.’

“I only heard about it from Lisa when I got back because I was dealing with a security issue in the back lot.” Fey glanced at them nervously. “Not that there’s anything wrong, we’re perfectly safe.”

Marinette and Damian shared a look.

Jason.

“Of course,” said Marinette.

Followed by a quick, “Absolutely,” from Damian.

Fey relaxed. “So this is, apparently, a whole bunch of workers on strike? They walked out of the back warehouse and congregated in the atrium, spouting on about living wages and corrupt big business, and the effects of verbal abuse in the workplace.” Fey said with a wave of their arms. “And it’s not like I don’t agree, because I do. Jerry, the warehouse general manager, is an asshole.” Marinette and Damian exchange worried glances at the rotund angry man’s name, who they last saw dragging a singed Tim into an office.

“…but it makes my job hard,” whined Fey, oblivious to their compatriot’s inner panic. “And the Starbucks baristas joined them, so their kiosk closed too.” Fey chuckled, “I would avoid the whole area if I were you, especially if you don’t want anyone finding out you’re together.”

“I wonder how zat ended up happening?” Marinette asked hopefully her high-pitched voice conveyed confusion instead of slowly settling in panic.

“They called in saying some guy lead the charge, he’s worked the crowd into a fervor. I’m there to be the HR rep while security tries to remove him. You know, normally my job involves sitting at a desk all day listening to bitchy customers on the phone. I’ve dealt with more in-store problems today since last Black Friday.” Fey chuckled. “What a day, ya’ know?”

Marinette glanced at Damian, his casual mask still firmly in place, although his left eye twitched, and the hand he wrapped around her waist, tightened at Fey’s words.

Fey finally reached another door, pulling out their pass and lead them out into the store’s main section.

“Well, it was nice to meet you Marinette, Dami,” Fey chirped. “Nobody will hear from me about any of this.” They mimed zipping their lips.

Marinette smiled, hoping the strain wasn’t too noticeable. “It waz nice to meet you too Fey.”

“Good luck with whatever is happening in the atrium,” said Damian. They stood at the door and watched them move out of sight. When Fey finally disappeared around a corner, Damian turned to Marinette his casual persona rippling away as if it never existed at all. His hand slipped off her waist.

She did not, absolutely not, want to grab it and put it back thank you very much.

“How much do you wish to wager on Drake’s involvement in whatever is occurring in the atrium?” he asked. Marinette smiled, reassured at the return of his clipped and formal tone. The informal speech felt wrong coming from Damian’s mouth.

“Oh, I don’t know Dami?” she teased. Then again, she couldn’t let this opportunity pass by her. “I don’t think I have enough money for that bet with you.”

Damian closed his eyes with a grimace and sigh. “Do not call me that.” He opened his eyes, an expression just short of pleading radiated from them “Please.”

“I would rather gag, and it sounds so would you.” Marinette covered her grin with her hand, unable to stop a slight giggle at the man’s long-suffering tone. “You pulled off vapid lovesick celebrity well, but why the need to act at all?”

“I have plenty of reference to draw from,” he grumbled, piquing Marinette’s interest; every half aside comment enticing her to dig further at Damian’s life. “I needed whoever descended those steps on our side and my normal... demeanor tends to put people off.” He folded his hands behind his back, a perfect picture of casualness, but the tightness around his eyes and the twitch of his mouth was all Marinette needed to note his self-consciousness.

“Well, I for one find your usual self charming,” Marinette admitted, pleased when Damian relaxed at her words. “You freaked me out acting that weird.”

“It is not an option I use often,” Damian admitted. “My brothers tend to make big productions of themselves. I prefer a far subtler approach, but this required more theatrics to make it believable.” He glanced at her. “I hope…” he paused. She watched his hand flutter and turn into a fist at his side. “I hope I did not overstep your bounds, that is, I mean violate your...” Damian refused to look at her, his gaze firmly planted on a far wall.

Marinette could let the poor man continue but ended up taking pity on him before he dug an even deeper hole. She placed a hand on his arm. “You were fine. If I didn’t want you… kissing me,” she said the words out loud for the first time, reigning in a pleasurable shudder at the memory. “I would have pushed you off, and if I felt violated, which I didn’t, you would have found yourself on the ground in plenty of pain.”

Damian dragged his gaze back to hers, a small smirk twitching at the corner of his lips. “Undoubtedly, yes, you easily could have done so.”

Marinette smirked again, not willing to let the entire debacle slip away quite yet though. “Although I have to ask, where in the world did angel come from? And what on earth made you think it would be a good nickname for our fake relationship?”

Damian lifted his nose haughtily. “It is a perfectly acceptable name of affection for a significant other. What, did you wish for ‘sweetheart’ or ‘doll’?” he asked, drawing out those names with the earlier casual New Jersian accent. Marinette withheld a shiver at his low tone of voice curling those words around his tongue. She may prefer his normal speech, but damn he still sounded unbearably attractive when he dropped that low.

‘Focus, Marinette. FOCUS!’ she inwardly screamed at herself.

“Goodness no,” said Marinette, forcing a pretend shudder. “Something with more class perhaps? Darling, or beloved?”

Damian pursed his lips. “Not beloved. That’s what my mother refers to my father with.” Marinette winced, yeah, that could be awkward. Not that this whole conversation wasn’t a disaster plucked out of a fever dream. Why, why was she debating Damian on the finer points of affectionate nickname giving?

But her mouth continued talking. “Alright, I suppose angel isn’t bad in comparison. Still, it’s a bit cliché. What does that make you? A demon?”

Damian tilted his head with a shrug. “Tt. My brothers do call me that on occasion, yes.” Oh right, Jason called him demon-spawn a few times during their confrontation. With the way Damian rolled his eyes in annoyance, Marinette figured a story lurked behind that particular nickname.

“Regardless, we have strayed dangerously off-topic here. We should head towards the pandemonium in the atrium, yes?” Damian pushed off the wall he’d leaned against, and Marinette followed.

“I thought it was Panic at the Disco?” Marinette teased with a grin.

Damian pointed a finger at her, trying for a stern expression, but the glint in his eyes betrayed his amusement. “You think yourself terribly clever, don’t you?”

“I think I’m adorable,” she shot back. “But I also think you’re right. It sounds like Tim managed to involve himself. If he’s making a scene, I bet he’ll draw the rest of your brothers there too.”

“You think Grayson will escape the clutches of that ravenous she-wolf?”

Marinette scoffed. “Damian, you’ll insult wolves with that comparison. I thought she resembled more of a hyena myself.” The woman certainly shrieked enough for it. “From what I saw, your brother probably ducked out at the first opportunity available to him.”

“True. Which leaves Todd, and nothing attracts his attention more than a spectacle. Especially when Drake stands chance to make a fool of himself.” Turning a corner they found themselves several yards away from the open-aired atrium. A crowd of people lingered around the railing looking into the courtyard below. Clapping and cheers fill the air.

“Shall we?” asked Marinette, excitement brewing in her chest.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” grumbled Damian. “But I suppose we must.”

Tag List (or you can subscribe and read it here on ao3)

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#the great ikea game #daminette #damian x marinette #marinette dupain cheng x damian wayne #maribat #damimari #mlb crossover #ml x dc #damianette #damian wayne x marinette dupain cheng

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detransition · 2 years ago

Photo

from hot-flanks

I find the idea that detransitioned females don’t experience dysphoria (or, even better, never experienced dysphoria) to be one of the most interesting points of misunderstanding being thrown around lately in the discourse.

For context, I am a detransitioned female. I felt intense dysphoria and disconnect from my body from the time I was a child, only ever related to men despite a having access to lesbian community (came of age in what is one of the “queerest” cities in the Midwest), and came to understand this as being “trans” as I entered young adulthood. I underwent social transition and RLE for years prior to medical intervention. I did not rush, I went through a therapist (not informed consent), I had support from all of my friends and the vast majority of my family. I ticked off all the boxes and saw myself as no different than any other guy, just with a medical condition that needed medical attention. I still detransitioned.

After almost a year on testosterone, my dysphoria had calmed a bit. Functional aspects of my body changed in ways that make it easier for me to function as a singular human being - outside of social interaction. However, I soon learned that being a man is very, very different than being a woman that everyone has agreed to “treat like a man.” Passing 90% of the time is different than passing 100% of the time. When I realized that I had become fully assimilated, I also realized that I could not exist as a man among men. I thought I could be a “good guy,” but as it came down I realized all of the traits I associated with being a “good guy” were more accurately described as just being a “good human” without a sex category attached. The fact that I had attached a sex category to these ideas is pure internalized misogyny. I left being a man behind, but changed nothing else about myself.

I still have issues with the way I relate to my body. There are days and weeks when I can’t shower, can’t look at myself in the mirror, can’t relate to myself healthfully sexually, and I just want to hide away. I have unhealthy intrusive thought cycles about my body specifically related to the sexed characteristics of my body. When this happens I unleash every single anxiety coping mechanism I have, and it helps to calm and understand the dysphoria but doesn’t take it away.

There is something that takes it away for as long as I am engaged, however. I need to be surrounded by Lesbians who understand my dysphoria. I need to be able to relate to other women who deal with what I do so that I don’t feel like such an alien. Being among Lesbians who do not experience dysphoria can certainly help, but it is no substitute for being with my sisters who know what I’m dealing with. When we are together, talking or not taking, physically or over Skype, I feel better. I feel calm and understood. I feel like there is a place for me even if I struggle with body issues.

thinking of detransition? you are not alone

#detransition #ftm detransition #detrans #detrans ftm #ftmtf #1st #personal story #lesbian #actuallydetrans #actually detrans

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jungshookz · 4 years ago

Note

omg cee for a holiday drabble request can we get some shy!jungkook who’s had yn in his class all semester and is partnered up with her for a final project and he’s like !!!!!!!! AAAA!!!!!!!!!

➺ pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre; sfw!! university!au!! fluff!! jungkook is shy!! y/n is friendly!! pocky sticks and goldfish crackers are exchanged!!

➺ wordcount; 4.9k

➺ what to expect; if he thought the back of your head was pretty... did that mean that he thought the rest of you was pretty as well?

»»————-　❅　————-««

jungkook doesn’t like to say that he hates people because saying that makes him sound obnoxious and a little overdramatic, but if given the choice, he would 100% choose to be alone

and he doesn’t think that it’s a problem that he prefers his own company over the company of other people

it’s literally just a personal preference!

he likes to keep to himself mainly because he.,.,

well

to be honest, he just doesn’t like talking to people?? which he thinks is a pretty valid reason to roam campus as a lone wolf

it just takes so much effort maintaining a conversation and at the end of the day, he’s just here to learn and get his degree, you know?

and it’s not like he flat-out refuses to talk to people like a weirdo

he can talk to people, he just chooses not to initiate or engage in any type of conversation whatsoever unless he really has to

and don’t even get him started on those damn ice breakers that professors make everyone do at the beginning of every semester

it’s why he always sits in the very back of the auditorium where all the quiet people are

because quiet people understand each other and quiet people will nevER turn to start talking to each other when the professor tells the class to share two truths and a lie about yourself to the person sitting next to you!

there’s just a mutual understanding that everyone in the back of the room will sit in silence and keep to themselves all semester long which is very pleasant

not to mention, he hates having to deal with ‘semester friends’ aka the one friend that you make for the sake and convenience of having someone you know in the same class as you

you guys really don’t have that much in common and you can tell that they’re in a completely different social circle than you are (aka when you inevitably do a social media handle exchange you see that they have more than a thousand followers and you can immediately tell they were super popular in high school which intimidates you and your puny 250 follower count but you can’t back out of this friendship now without looking like a jerk) but the person is friendly enough that you can get along and kind of keep a conversation going

and then once the semester ends the two of you promise to keep in touch next semester even though both parties are fully intending to not stay in touch at all

and then when next semester rolls around no one makes any effort to reach out and be like hey, should we get coffee this week?? because you have conflicting schedules that would take so much reshuffling just to accommodate this acquaintance that you really don’t care that much about so then you end up hitting them with an ooh, i can’t make it this week! what about next week??

and then it just turns into a cycle of ugh, i’m swamped this week! next week? and can’t, sorry! next week?

and then you’ll see each other at the library one day and it’ll be a little bit awkward because you’ll do that awkward half-hug and your voice will go up like ten octaves when you greet them with that overly polite heyyyyyy!

and more promises will be made to get coffee and hang out soon even though everyone knows absolutely no coffee will be gotten

the point is: in the four years that jungkook’s been a university student, not onCe has he made a steady friend and not once has he been remotely interested in making a steady friend

and he doesn’t think that’s sad or anything - again, he prefers it that way!

...but you just had to come along and completely throw his plans out of whack, didn’t you??

unsurprisingly, you were the one who spoke to him at the beginning of the semester but he didn’t think too much of it because it wasn’t like the conversation the two of you had was very riveting

“hi, i’m sorry-” jungkook looks up from his notebook when you twist around in your seat to face him, “this is psychology 400, right? i lost a copy of my schedule and i think this is the lecture hall i’m supposed to be in but i can’t remember if it said auditorium 200 or 201-”

“yeah, you’re in the right place.” jungkook interrupts, offering you a stiff smile before looking back down at his planner

he was in the middle of compiling a grocery list for himself and now he doesn’t remember what that one thing he needed was…

…

ah!

chocolate pocky sticks

there we go

jungkook clicks his pen before tucking it back into his pencil case and shutting his planner

and… yeah!

that was the first conversation the two of you ever had

he doesn’t think he can really count it as a conversation because it lasted less than three seconds

the first exchange the two of you ever had?

the second exchange he had with you was actually the next class that same week

he was genuinely surprised that you sat in the same spot again because usually when someone realises that he isn’t willing to be their semester-friend, they move to another section of the auditorium the next time

but no

there you were in all your glory

“when’s the first assignment due?”

jungkook’s eyes flicker up from his laptop first before he looks up at you

“uh, in two weeks...?” he trails off, pulling up the calendar app on his screen before nodding affirmatively, “yeah, in two weeks. september sixteenth at midnight.”

“okay, sweet! and that’s a... thursday?”

“wednesday.”

“ah, okay. got it. thanks!

“mhm.”

the weird thing was the fact that you never pulled out the “i don’t think i ever got your name! i’m ___” card because you just seemed like a very ‘i wanna be your friend!!!!!’ person

and he doesn’t know how you made him do it but one day he found himself asking for your name which he didn’t think he’d ever do

(admittedly, he was a little klutzy in doing so because he’d never willingly introduced himself to someone and asked for their name all in one go before)

“are you eating goldfish crackers and... chocolate chips?” jungkook blurts out, leaning forward a little to peer into the little snack box you’re holding in your hand

you pause and look down into the container before twisting around to look at him, “mhm! you know, you wouldn’t think the combination would work, but it totally does,” you smile, holding your box up, “wanna try?”

jungkook immediately shakes his head, “oh, no, that’s oka-”

“no, c’mon-” you pluck out a cracker and a chocolate chip and set your box down on your lap, “hold your hand out!”

jungkook hesitates for a second before holding his hand out and letting you plop the treats in his palm, “and you... eat them together?”

“uh-huh!” you nod, popping a cracker into your mouth before gesturing for him to eat, “don’t worry - if you don’t like it, i promise i won’t cry.”

jungkook brings his palm up and tosses them back into his mouth

...

huh

that’s actually... not half-bad?

“see? what’d i tell you?” you beam, giving your box a little shake, “good, right?”

“yeah, i mean, i would never think to put the two together...” jungkook trails off, dusting the crumbs off his hands, “oh, um, by the way-” he clears his throat before swallowing nervously, “i, uh, i’m jungkook. by the way. yeah.”

“jungkook?” you say out loud, jungkook nodding in confirmation, “i will try to remember that. i’m pretty bad with names, so if i end up calling you, like, robert next week, don’t hate me.”

“i will try not to hold it against you if you call me robert next week,” jungkook laughs lightly before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, “and you... um, your name is...?”

“i’m y/n! by the way.” you tease lightly, the apples of jungkook’s cheeks turning a little pink, “it’s nice to meet you! ...even though we met, like, a month ago.”

“touché.”

“jungkook, you dog-” you gasp lightly, and for a second jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach because he thinks he’s said something wrong- “at least take me out to dinner first before touchéing me.”

jungkook immediately snorts and shakes his head lightly as you giggle to yourself

with that being said, even after that exchange he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay friends with you or not

yeah, you were nice and kind of charming in your own way, but...

(he couldn’t come up with a reason as to why he shouldn’t be friends with you, so that train of thought is still chug-chug-chugging along.)

»»————-　❅　————-««

“are those pocky sticks?”

jungkook stops typing, his eyes flickering up from his screen to see you looking at him with a soft little smile, your arms folded over the top of your seat and your chin propped up on them

he looks down at the open package of pocky sticks sitting on top of his backpack next to him before looking over at you and nodding, “uh, yeah. do you... want one?”

“are they the chocolate ones?”

“obviously.” jungkook snorts, pulling one out of the plastic bag before holding it out for you, “nothing beats the original flavour.”

you pluck it from his fingers, inspecting it for a second before biting into it with a crisp snap!, “i personally like the strawberry ones better-”

“what??” jungkook gawks, “i mean, yeah, the strawberry ones are fine, but the chocolate ones-”

“the strawberry ones have a thicker coating! the chocolate coating is so thin and barely-there!” you hold the bottom half of your pocky out so that jungkook can look at the cross-section of it, “see?? barely any chocolate-”

“you don’t know what you’re talking about!” jungkook scoffs playfully, slapping his laptop shut before crossing his arms on his desk and leaning forward, “chocolate pocky sticks are clearly superior to the strawberry ones-”

“alright, robert, whatever helps you sleep at night-”

“wha-” jungkook gawks in mock offence, too distracted by the fact that you like the strawberry pocky sticks over the classic chocolate ones to notice the feeling of his heart skipping a beat at the sound of your laugh

strawberry over chocolate

...

ridiculous!

»»————-　❅　————-««

now, jungkook isn’t particularly sure when it was that he started to notice how twinkly your eyes were or how sweet your voice sounded or how pretty your smile was or how nice your hair smelled

it kind of just dawned on him one morning??

he was just staring at the back of your head and found himself wondering how it was possible for the back of one’s head to be so pretty (you had your hair down that day and it just looked so soft and clean)

and then he thought to himself how weird it was that he just called the back of your head pretty

and then he thought to himself that if he thought the back of your head was pretty... did that mean that he thought the rest of you was pretty as well?

and then he thought to himself that yes, i suppose i would consider y/n to be pretty if i was ever asked for a list of people i considered to be pretty

and then he realized that oh, god. do i think that y/n’s pretty because i like y/n?!

and now it’s december meaning that it’s almost the end of the semester and he still hasn’t done anything about his crush on you because he?? literally has no idea how to handle it

his plan was to just ask you for your instagram and if you wanted to keep hanging out next semester and hope that it didn’t turn into a can’t what about next week can’t what about next week situation

and the fact that you guys are working together for the final project certainly doesn’t help with him suppressing his feelings at all

because you two have gone from spending time like three times a week in class to five or six times a week in and out of class

it was at the beginning of november that he discovered that you both had an hour and a half break after this class

so you guys usually go for lunch together (obviously, you were the one who asked first) and then go your separate ways

and then it was the second week of november that jungkook started walking you to your next class even though hiS next class is located at the opposite end of campus

he just????

literally has no idea how any of this happened

one minute he’s perfectly fine with being alone and the next minute he finds himself glancing towards the door every three seconds waiting for you to walk in because the best part of his morning is seeing you

because every time you walk in and see him in his usual spot your entire face lights up and your pace quickens and he just thinks it’s really cute how excited you are to see him even though you guys literally see each other so often

he always looks forward to hearing about what you did over the weekend even though he usually doesn’t care less about what anyone did over their weekend

he always looks forward to you bringing out your little snack box and offering him a couple pieces of whatever you have (you brought these sesame-glazed cashews the other day and they were really good)

he always looks forward to sharing his pocky sticks with you even though he’s usually very greedy with his pocky sticks

last week he let you eat like half the box and he wasn’t even mad

and yeah, he finds himself tossing a couple of the strawberry pocky sticks into his basket whenever he goes grocery shopping, but that doesn’t mean anything!

...

right???

»»————-　❅　————-««

jungkook glances back towards the door as he taps his foot against the ground anxiously before checking his phone for the time or any texts from you

where are you??

he booked one of the conference rooms in the library so that you guys could work on your project in peace

it’s much more quiet working here than in the general studying area because there’s always that one person who’s sniffling and coughing like a maniac

and you can speak at a normal volume in here which is good

you guys agreed to work on the project together at the end of the day and then you’d grab dinner together

and jungkook hasn’t been classifying these hangout working sessions as dates or anything but for some reason, this feels like a study date AND a dinner date rolled into one which is why his hands are so clammy right now

and on top of thAT he actually has a christmas present that he’s planning to give you but now he’s wondering if it’s too late to back out

you’re already like twenty minutes late

did you forget about him??

did you purposely bail on him??

is this your way of telling him that this friendship is over???

maybe he can text you and tell you that he had to go home because he has food poisoning or something

...but the image of him hunched over the toilet probably isn’t a very attractive one

is there like a.,., like a sexy way to talk about food poisoning?

jungkook paces back and forth as he looks down at his phone, typing a message to you and then immediately deleting it and retyping

hey! i’m gonna have to reschedule. i had a funky ass burrito for lu-

okay so there’s definitely no way to make food poisoning sound sexy

maybe he can come up with a... cool excuse of some kind?

hey! can we reschedule? i have to save a baby from a burning building because i’m also a firefigh-

nope

he’s terrified of heights and also he hates babies so that excuse would never work

hey! let’s reschedule! i have feelings for you and it’s overwhelming me and also i feel like maybe you kind of bailed on m-

“hey!”

jungkook jumps in his seat before whipping around to look at the door, feeling a sense of relief washing over him when he sees that it’s you

okay

well noW he knows that you didn’t forget about him and that you definitely didn’t bail on him

“he-” his voice gives out halfway and he clears his throat quickly, “hey! i was, uh, i was wondering when you’d show up.”

“i know, sorry i’m late-” you smile sheepishly, shutting the door behind you with a gentle click, “it’s for a good reason, though! i got us hot chocolates!”

you raise the takeout tray in your hand before setting it down on the table, “i was going to get you a peppermint mocha because ‘tis the season and all of that, but i didn’t know if you would like it or not so hot chocolate was the safer option.”

“i like hot chocolate!” jungkook coughs, “peppermint mochas- i mean, i would’ve been fine with a peppermint mocha too, but i- i still appreciate the hot chocolate-” he rambles, nervously flipping his pen back and forth in between his fingers, “i mean, i, like, what i’m trying to say is that i would like anything you brought for me, you know?”

okay

he’s spiralling

whY is this happening to him??

jungkook doesn’t know if he’s ever been this nervous for anything before

he wasn’t even this nervous when he had to do a solo presentation in front of two hundred people in his history course last semester and thaT was terrifying

“alright, well, i’ll definitely keep that in mind for next time!” you chirp, pulling out one of the wheely chairs before plopping down and turning to face him, “what else do we have to do for our report?”

jungkook feels his heart skip a beat when your knee bumps against his

oh god

okay

he has to get it together

just relax!

“oh, uh-” he turns to look through the checklist on his notebook, “we have to write up the conclusion... and also the annotated bibliography.”

“annotated bibliography?” you huff, scrolling through yours guys’ twenty page report, “oh, god... that’s going to take forever- we used, like, thirty different sources...”

“i told you not to go crazy with the scholarly articles...” jungkook teases lightly before taking a sip of his hot chocolate

ooH

there’s whipped cream on this as well!

“i just thought that it would make us look smarter if we used more sources-” you grumble, pushing your bottom lip out in a pathetic little pout, “and now we have to go through and annotate every single one...”

“hey, if it motivates you to work faster, i’ll get you an extra order of onion rings for dinner tonight.” jungkook hums, smiling fondly when you gasp excitedly and turn to face him

one thing that he’s learned about you is the fact that you are verY food motivated

one time you told him that you would be willing to rob a bank for a pack of oreos

...and he wholeheartedly believes that.

»»————-　❅　————-««

you try your hardest to hold back a grin when you notice that jungkook still hasn’t moved his leg from yours

the side of your thigh has been pressed right up against his for a good twenty minutes now and it seems like he doesn’t mind it at all

if anything, it’s safe to say that he’s comfortable being this close to you

that must mean that he likes you back, right?

because you know for a fact that he isn’t normally a touchy-feely person and you were fully expecting him to pull back the moment your leg touched his

this is!!!!

exciting!!!!

you don’t know when you started liking jungkook but the details really aren’t that important

you just know that you like him now and you’re like 80% sure that maybe he might?? like you back??

if he didn’t like you, why would he be willing to get coffee with you during your breaks and walk you to class?

you were actually a little put off by him the first time you spoke to him mainly because he seemed like he didn’t really want to talk to you

and usually you don’t do well with people who don’t want to talk to you because.,., you personally think you’re a greaT person to talk to and if the same vibes aren’t reciprocated then you immediately hightail it out of there

and you were actually going to switch seats the next class but it was pretty cozy in the back of the auditorium and you liked that your seat was near the exit so that you could be the first one out without getting trampled over by everyone else

so you figured you’d just swallow your pride and try to work it out with mr. pretty boy (yes, part of the reason as to why you stayed was because of how handsome he is.,., you’re only human!!!)

and it looks like it worked out in your favour because here you are!! hanging out with him outside of class!!

with that being said, you haven’t really thought about what your next move is going to be because you’re..., not entirely sure how to ask him out without potentially freaking him out or something

because if on the off-chance that he tells you that he actually doesn’t like you back after you ask him out with full confidence,,..,

ugh

you don’t even want to think about how awkward that’s going to be

and you don’t even knoW how you’d play it off casually without letting your disappointment show (“oh! well, that’s- pft- that’s totally fine, it’s whatever- like, i’m so... like, i’m so cool. it’s totally fine! dates are- dates are so overrated, anyway- romance is so lame-”)

you were thinking of maybe asking him out after the final project because if he says no then you’ll never have to see him again!

that’s the beautiful part of being on such a big campus

it’s fine

you’ll figure something out

just focus on this damn bibliography and try not to think about how good jungkook smells and how pretty his hands look when he’s typing

»»————-　❅　————-««

it’s about an hour and a half into the session that jungkook suddenly remembers that he has a present for you

he turns his head slightly to look at you

there’s a divot in between your brows as your fingers practically fly across your keyboard

wow

you must really want those onion rings

jungkook glances down at his backpack before pressing his lips together tightly

when would be a good time to give it to you without it being like.,,. awkward?

maybe after you guys are done?

or during dinner?

or after dinner?

or after he drives you hom-

“i have a present for you, by the way-!” jungkook blurts out a little louder than intended, shattering the serene silence of the atmosphere

okay never mind

“you do??” you ask, jungkook nodding quickly

“i... yeah. a christmas present! for you.” he clears his throat, leaning down to pull the neatly wrapped package out of his backpack, “it’s just a little something, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“aw, that’s so nice of you... i didn’t know we were doing presents otherwise i totally would’ve gotten something for you...” you trail off, pursing your lips in disappointment

damnit

you weRE going to get jungkook something but you didn’t know if he’d find it weird or anything

and now you must look like a complete jerk!

“oh my god, don’t even worry about it-” jungkook flicks his wrist to dismiss your concerns, “you can count the hot chocolate as your gift to me! plus, you splurged on a venti just for me-”

“i did splurge on a venti just for you...” you joke along, instantly feeling a little better about the situation, “and i usually only treat people to tiny little talls!”

(for the record, you’re definitely going to get him a proper present over the weekend)

“also, it’s totally fine if you don’t like it-” jungkook swallows thickly when you start to rip open the packaging, “i can return it and get you something else-”

!!!!!!!!

“oH MY GOD i love it!” you exclaim, feeling your serotonin levels shoot straight through the ceiling when you pull out a heart shaped snack box, “i don’t even know what to say, this is literally the greatest present i’ve ever received in my entire life-”

“oh, thank god-” jungkook flops back in his seat before placing his hand on his chest, “i was worried that maybe you wouldn’t like it because you already have a pretty extensive collection of snack boxes- oh, and!” he perks up, spinning around to pull something else out of his bag, “i also got you a box of strawberry pocky sticks even though i still think your opinion about them being better than the chocolate flavour is very wrong.”

wow

he really knows the way to your heart :’)

“i don’t even know what to say, kook...” you smile, “thank you so much...”

jungkook beams, giving himself a mental pat on the back for a job well done, “ah, don’t worry about it. i’m just glad that you like your gifts...”

...

okay, you don’t have a gift for him so this is the next best thing

“can i-” you pause, trying to think of how to handle this, “can i- sorry, can you just close your eyes for a second?” you clear your throat

you’re suddenly feeling a lot more confident about jungkook’s feelings towards you than you were half an hour ago

(aka you are now 98% sure that he likes you back and if you’re wrong about this assumption then you’re definitely going to regret the thing that you’re about to do)

“close my eyes?” jungkook snorts, “why?”

“it’ll make sense in a second. just close them!”

“this is the part of our friendship where you kill me, isn’t it?” he jokes, setting his laptop aside before turning his chair so he can fully face you

ha hA

very funny

“if i was planning to kill you, i would’ve poisoned your precious pocky sticks a long time ago-” you laugh lightly, wiping your clammy hands on your jeans before turning to face him as well

“speaking of pocky sticks, have you ever tried the cookies and creme flavoured ones?” jungkook hums, jolting in surprise when he feels you place your hands on his knees, “because i was thinking we could just buy a bunch of flavours and try them toge-”

smak!

jungkook’s eyes immediately pop open the moment he feels you kiss his cheek, his entire face going beet red and his mouth going dry

you smile innocently as you pull back, jungkook trying his best to noT melt into a giant puddle of goo

you-

you just...

you kissed his cheek?

you kissed him?

maybe it was an accident??

maybe there was a bug on his cheek and you were just trying to kill it with your mouth

“you- i- heh-” he reaches up to scratch the back of his head, quickly averting his gaze when he notices you looking directly at him, “um, why... uh, what did you do that for?”

“to say thank you...” you shrug, biting back a smile, “and i guess it’s me trying to tell you that i... i like you too, by the way.”

jungkook feels his heart stop beating in his chest and his fingers dig into his thigh

too?

you like him?

too????

jungkook blinks owlishly at you, “you like me... too? r-really?”

“of course i do.” you hum, admiring your brand new snack box before looking back at him, “how could i not?”

(judging by his reaction, you are now 100% sure that jungkook likes you back so you now have nothing to worry about.)

“but how’d you know that i even liked you in the first place?” jungkook asks dumbly, still a little dazed from that kiss on the cheek

he can’t even think about how his body is going to react when he eventually gets to kiss you properly

“i mean...” you let out a little laugh before tilting your head slightly, “if the in-between class coffee runs and the walking me to class even though we both know it’d make you late for your class didn’t give it away, the fact that you let me eat half a box of pocky sticks without slicing my hands off certainly did.”

yeah

that’s fair

“you make a good point.” jungkook nods slowly, “touché-”

“-”

“-!” jungkook holds a finger out before the corners of his mouth tug up in a wide grin, “and i will definitely be taking you out to dinner first before even thinking about touchéing you. don’t worry.”

christmas with cee 2020 masterlist

🎁what would you like from ceenta this year? 🎁

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mypoisonedvine · 4 years ago

Text

The Sort of Things We Usually Do Alone | Mob!Sam Wilson, Mob!Bucky Barnes, and Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader

summary: it’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you got a job at a mob-controlled strip club. still, you never saw this coming.

warnings: technically dub con but it’s pretty light, there’s three dudes and one girl so i bet you can guess that every hole is going to come into discussion, plus some pain kink and metal arm kink. (note: none of them are fully dark here, but like… it’s the mob so, they’re not 100% gentlemen either. just bossy and demanding and a wee bit possessive, but not true creeps.)

word count: 3.7k

@evnscvll @mandalorianspace @ballyhoobarnes @mariahthelioness29

moodboard by yours truly

Funny enough, you had actually been expecting an easy night tonight. You were just doing bottle service-- no pole, no private events-- so unless somebody specifically requested you for a lap dance, you were basically off the hook. Less tips, but you were already looking forward to getting home and changing into something considerably less tight than what you were wearing now.

That all went out the window when you saw three suits walk in the door. You knew who they were: everyone did. Just the way they walked made it clear that they owned the place-- literally.

Sam, specifically, you recognized. He was pretty high up in the organization but he spent the most time here of anyone. You and Sam had an... arrangement, to put it softly. You gave him a lot of private dances, and you did things with him that you most certainly were not permitted to do with other customers. The two men beside him-- one with dark hair and an even darker glare, the other with shorter blonde locks and gorgeous blue eyes-- seemed new.

You pretended not to see them as you set down your tray of drinks and waited for Sam to come to you, like he always did. You felt his hand on the small of your back and turned to look up at him through your lashes, a little surprised to see the other two still with him rather than dispersing into the crowd.

“Hey there," Sam purred at you, leaning against the bar beside where you were standing.

"Hi," you replied coyly.

"You miss me?"

"Always."

"Mm, you're a good liar," he grinned, lifting your chin with one finger and leaning in for an open-mouthed kiss.

You stopped him with a gentle press of your hands against his chest. "Um, you haven't introduced me to your friends…"

Maybe it was ironically conservative for you to object to being kissed in front of men you didn't know when you literally got naked for strangers every day, but you figured that he had something important to tell you about them. If he didn't, he would've taken you to the back room by now.

"Oh! I almost forgot. We got some fresh blood-- Bucky," he motioned to the dark haired one, "and Steve," he shoved the other on the shoulder. Bucky barely even acknowledged you aside from a slow scan of your body with his gaze; Steve gave you a slightly awkward half-smile.

"Hi there, boys," you greeted with your brightest smile. "Welcome to the family."

"You're gonna welcome them a little better than that," Sam grinned. "Why don't you give Bucky a lap dance, huh? On the house, of course."

"Sure," you agreed, trying to hide your confusion that he would suggest something like that. Normally he was pretty possessive and jealous.

Just as you started to walk towards the chairs by the stage, Sam interjected.

"No, sweetheart-- take him to the back."

You could hardly believe what you were hearing. "A… private dance?"

"Well, Steve and I will be close by. So not that private."

"Uhh, sure. This way," you led Bucky with a curled finger and a saunter into the back hallway, past the red velvet curtain where the lights were even darker and the carpet was plushy and soft under your stilettos.

"Take a seat," you offered as you turned the corner to the room you and Sam usually used. Bucky relaxed into the black suede chair, his eyes never leaving you. Only then did you notice that he was wearing leather gloves-- a little peculiar, but you’d definitely seen stranger

You felt Sam and Steve step a little closer behind you, caging you in. Even moreso, you felt three pairs of eyes on you. It felt different, somehow, than having dozens on you when you danced on stage.

"For private dances,” you explained slowly, “I typically wear… a little bit less than this…”

"I'm not gonna stop you," Bucky shrugged.

Yeah, but is Sam? you replied internally.

He didn't. What he did instead was tell Steve to help you unzip the back of your dress.

"Thank you," you mumbled as you made sure your hair was out of the way, shivering a little as his fingers ghosted over your neck to get a grip on the zipper, slowly sliding it down to the small of your back.

Stepping forward, you slipped the straps off your shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor.

"You're wearing the set I bought you," Sam noticed with a grin. He said you looked best in black. You weren't sure you agreed but you ended up using this set a lot anyways.

"You have good taste," you replied.

"Agreed," Bucky murmured, looking up at you from his chair.

Lifting one leg and sliding it next to him on the couch, you slowly lowered yourself until you were straddling him.

You gingerly wrapped your arms around his shoulders and began to move slowly, going through the motions and noticing the way he unabashedly stared at your chest. The lace bra didn’t leave much to the imagination.

There was a tension in the air as you moved over him, only the thumping bass echoing from the main floor breaking the silence. Some guys liked to talk during a dance, but Bucky’s brooding said more than enough. You could sense his restraint being tested-- occasionally you could even hear his fist tighten thanks to the creaking of the leather gloves.

Quickly turning to face the other way, you rubbed your ass on his crotch and almost let out a groan when you felt that he was hard. Hoping to tease him, you lifted your hips only to gasp when he grabbed you and pulled you down onto him, his breath hot on the back of your neck.

“N-no touching,” you stammered, grabbing his wrists and placing his hands beside his legs.

“Let him touch you,” Sam instructed darkly.

“Really?”

“Did I stutter?”

You breathed shakily as you lifted your hands from Bucky’s wrists; as soon as he was free to, he reached around you and used his left hand to remove his right glove and toss it aside. You thought it was a little odd that he left the other one on, but once he was running his hands over your thighs and pushing your legs apart, you didn’t think much of it anymore.

You shivered as his right hand moved, excruciatingly slowly, towards your lace-clad pussy.

“You’re sort of shy, for a stripper,” Bucky whispered in your ear.

“Believe it or not, this is new for me,” you whispered back, giving a quick glance to where Steve and Sam were standing and watching you both intently. Your head fell back onto Bucky’s shoulder when one finger toyed with the edge of the lace of your panties.

His left hand pushed your face to the side so that he could kiss you, and before you were thinking about it you were kissing him back.

Finally, you felt Bucky's fingers pull your lingerie to the side and slide through your folds. He growled into your eager mouth when he felt how wet you were.

"Can I fuck her?" he asked, and you didn't realize until Sam replied that he was asking his permission.

"Not yet," was Sam's quick answer as he approached you. Grabbing your jaw, Sam pulled you forward and kissed you roughly.

Sam's kisses always made you feel completely at his disposal; his mouth dominated yours aggressively, and his hand wrapped around your neck just tight enough to make your heart race.

"Such a good little slut, aren't you?" he teased when he pulled back-- though he was still so close that his lips brushed against yours when he spoke.

"Yes-- for you," you answered.

"And you'll be good for them too, won't you? Get 'em initiated into the family?"

"Of course," you nodded quickly, "whatever you want."

"You said we were coming here for a team-building exercise," Steve recalled with crossed arms.

"And did I lie?" Sam retorted, standing up again to give him a glare. “Typically when I share my things with people, they’re grateful.”

“Right-- of course I am,” Steve backtracked quickly, “I just hope she’s not only doing it because you said to.”

“Aw, you’re worrying a little too much,” Sam chuckled. “She’s a whore, Steve. She loves it.”

"Go ahead baby," Sam continued, addressing you now, "give him the full treatment. But save some strength because Steve's going next."

You stood up and flipped around again, working open the buttons of Bucky’s shirt. Typically, guys responded really well to this part, leaning back and letting you undress them. He tensed up, though, and his eyes went a little wide.

“I wanna see you,” you explained, taking a moment to reach under the part of his shirt you’d opened so far and run your hand over his muscled chest.

“May not like what you see,” he warned you.

“I doubt that,” you grinned, already nearly halfway done with the buttons.

When you finished with the tedious buttons and pushed his shirt and jacket aside, you understood what he had been worried about: his shoulder was covered in scars, and even in the low light of the room you could tell that everything past that point was a metal prosthetic.

"That explains the glove you won't take off," you commented dryly.

"I didn't scare you off yet?" he asked like he was trying to stay cool, but was secretly worried it would bother you.

"Touch me with it," you requested quietly. Slowly, he removed the other glove and reached towards you with the metal hand.

His fingers were cold as they slid up your chest, around your neck, over your jaw. You dipped your head down a bit to take two of them into your mouth, swirling your tongue around them.

He bit his lip quickly before leaning forward and looking you right in the eyes. “Get on the couch, on your hands and knees,” he instructed firmly.

You obeyed so quickly that you wondered if you left a cloud of dust in the shape of your silhouette like a cartoon; Sam noticed, and laughed. “Eager, huh?”

“Extremely,” Bucky answered for you as he slipped your panties down, and pushed the spit-slicked metal fingers inside you. You moaned and gripped the back of the couch tighter. The fingers withdrew as suddenly as they had entered, and you saw a shirt and jacket land beside you on the couch. Next was the sound of his belt clinking as it opened-- it made you a little nervous, in an erotic sort of way.

You felt like the wind had been knocked out of you when Bucky thrust into you all at once. He wasn't bigger than Sam, at least as far as you could tell, but the shape of his cock was completely different. It pressed against your walls in new ways, and massaged places that you weren't used to feeling.

"Fuck," Bucky murmured behind you, "so goddamn tight."

You were already loud enough that anyone passing through the back hall would certainly hear you and know exactly what was happening. God forbid they saw three pairs of men’s shoes through the bottom of the curtain; the idea of someone knowing just how thoroughly you were being used made your face burn with a slightly pleasurable shame.

He moved just slow enough to make you wonder if he was trying to tease you. When he reached around and drew lazy circles around your clit, though, you were confident that he was trying to tease you.

“More, please,” you whimpered. “Fuck me harder.”

He laughed, and gave your ass a quick spank. “Poor thing, so needy,” he mocked. But he still did as you asked, holding you by your waist to keep you steady as he started to fuck you with the brutality you’d been hoping for.

He leaned down until it felt like his entire body would wrap around yours. He bit at the back of your neck and shoulders, growling as he fucked into you even deeper than you had realized was possible.

Just as you thought you both were on the path to coming, Sam stepped closer.

"Alright, step aside, loverboy," he chuckled, "I think you've had your fair share for now."

Bucky hesitated and you knew he didn't want to stop; you voluntarily clenched your walls around him as a little way of saying you weren't done with him yet either.

Reluctantly, he pulled out and you felt the rough skin of Sam's hand move up and down your back. "You want your turn with this pretty little cunt, Steve?" he asked, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

"No."

"...No?!"

"I want that ass."

You swallowed dryly; Sam grinned.

"I like your style, man. Go ahead, have at it."

Steve took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves before he started to run his hands all over your body, humming contentedly. He moved a finger through your folds to wet it, then gently pushed it past your tight rim. "More," you requested with a moan.

"Already?" Steve questioned, but obeyed, adding a second finger quickly.

He scissored his fingers back and forth, slowly stretching you open. Your face was so hot you could probably fry an egg on it; you felt very exposed getting your ass fingered with two men watching you intently.

"Hurry up, please, I want it," you whimpered. You knew you could take the pain, and on days like this, you actually craved it.

"Just a little more babygirl," Steve promised, "gotta get you ready for me. Don't wanna break you."

"I wish you would," you admitted, and you heard Bucky laugh quietly from the sidelines.

Steve got a little more serious suddenly, leaning down as he slipped a third finger into you roughly. "I don't know if you could take me, little girl. I could split you in half," he growled right against your ear.

Your back arched. You wanted it so bad.

“I know that’s what you need, but if I did Sam would probably kill me. So be a good girl and be patient, alright?”

You nodded and bit your lip, doing your best to relax as he continued to twist his fingers inside you.

Thankfully, it wasn’t all too long before you felt him slide them out, that telltale jingling of his belt buckle in your ears again. You moaned when his hard cock slid between your legs, becoming coated in your arousal. Once he was satisfied, he pushed into your waiting hole; he’d prepared you so well that there was almost no resistance for the first half, but then as he got thicker and harder, you felt it start to burn. Not that you minded.

When he was fully inside, you both gasped. Of course, you were still trying to process the feeling when he was starting to slam into you. This guy did not beat around the bush, holy shit.

“Fuck, you like it, huh?” he taunted, fucking you even harder and faster.

“Yes!” you cried out, feeling his cock brushing against sensitive places inside you-- even if it was through a barrier.

Sam suddenly appeared on the couch next to you. You felt a little nervous as his gaze scanned your face, and you looked back at him with wide eyes. He slid under you on the couch, toying with your clit and grinning when he felt your wetness.

"Look who loves it in the ass,” he mumbled against your ear.

You couldn't respond, distracted by Sam's cock pressing against your available opening. You had been expecting it to feel familiar, but with Steve inside you, everything felt completely different.

"Oh god," you groaned as Sam pressed forward; he hissed at the sensation of how wet and hot you were for him.

"How does it feel baby?" he asked as he started to bite at your neck.

"So full… so good…"

"What do you want us to do, kitten?"

"I want you to fuck me so hard…"

Before they had really started to get their rhythm, you fought through your haze and motioned for Bucky to come closer. When he did, you licked a long stripe up his cock before taking as much as you could into your throat.

"Fuck, just like that," Bucky praised, pushing your hair back so he could see your face. "Choke on it."

With so many cocks moving inside you, you felt like a ragdoll in their hands. But more than even you had expected, you loved being their toy.

Sam loved to leave marks all over you, even though it made your job harder-- especially because it made your job harder, in fact. He loved everyone knowing how owned you are. So it was no surprise that he was already doing his best to leave bruises in the shape of his fingerprints everywhere he could reach. You could tell he was already getting close-- and you were too, close to something so intense that you worried about passing out.

"Want me to come on your cute little face, baby?" Sam asked, his voice deeper and more gravelly than usual.

You shook your head, Bucky's cock still in your mouth.

"On your perfect tits?"

You shook it again, even as Bucky grabbed the back of your head and pushed you all the way to the base.

"Oh, that's right… you want me to fill up this sopping cunt, right?"

You nodded furiously, a tear sliding down your cheek.

"You wanna be full of my come, sticky and wet all night? Then beg for it, sweetheart."

Bucky released you, and the second you were free to breathe you were pleading already, stroking him quickly.

"Sam, please! I need to be full of your come-- I want it so bad, please, just come inside me and don't stop until every drop is in please please please--"

"Holy hell, I can't take much more of this," Steve hissed as his hands dug deeper into your skin.

"You want us all to come?" Sam pressed.

"Yes, please!"

"Fuck," Bucky groaned, "keep stroking me-- finish me off on your face."

“Please-- I want you to come, so bad,” you whimpered. “Oh god, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come, fuck!”

The hand that wasn’t around Bucky’s cock was accidentally digging into Sam’s shoulder, certainly hard enough to leave half-moon cuts from your nails. He didn’t seem to mind though, fucking you through your orgasm as he fell into his own, finishing with a noise that mixed a moan with a growl.

Steve was next, and you could feel his cock swelling and pulsing; it was like one last test of your body’s physical capabilities, since you’d already thought you were at your limit.

Last but not least, of course, was Bucky. You opened your mouth and let his come fall in warm streams on your face and tongue. He made the most beautiful sounds as you kept stroking him through it, and eventually he had to pull your hand off of him when it became too much. You swallowed what had landed in your open mouth, taking a moment to wipe some off your face and suck it off of your finger as well. A drip started to wander towards your eye, which you shut to avoid that disaster.

Bucky looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, even though you undoubtedly looked like a complete mess. All three of them were looking at you that way, actually, but you couldn’t see them.

“Jesus, Sam,” Steve chuckled as he pulled out and watched his come leak from your abused hole, “I gotta be honest, if I had a girl like this, I wouldn’t let her work in a club.”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about pulling her out,” Sam admitted, wincing a little as he tapped your leg to signal you should get off of him, which you did.

You don’t know the first thing about pulling out, you replied internally.

“She makes us a lot of money, though,” Sam explained.

“But the way she looks right now,” Bucky grinned, “that’s priceless.”

“Ha, yeah, well of course you would say that,” Sam rolled his eyes. “If you think that coming on her face will successfully mark your territory or something, you’re wrong.”

But Bucky wasn’t listening, he was too busy grabbing your neck and pulling you into a filthy kiss. You could tell he was tasting himself on your tongue, and when he pulled back, he’d even smeared some come on his nose and cheeks. He wiped it off like it was nothing and grinned at you. That, on the other hand, did feel like a somewhat successful territory-marking.

“Now I feel kinda bad,” Steve pouted. “She’s gonna have to take three showers to get clean enough to go back out there.”

“Oh, I think she’s done for the night,” Sam announced as you finally got your chance to relax and lay back on the couch-- though it wasn’t that relaxing, because you were sore everywhere, and still wearing those stupid uncomfortable heels.

“You’re letting me go home early?” you repeated, your voice coming out froggy and strange; you cleared your throat and ignored the way it tasted like come.

“Hmm, not quite,” Sam smirked. “I think Steve here has a point. For one thing, you shouldn’t be going back to that horrible apartment every night. You live in a really dangerous part of town.”

“It’s not dangerous if you’ve got mob protection,” you countered.

“But I can’t protect you when you live so far away,” he frowned. “Come back to mine, clean up in a much nicer shower than you’re used to, and you can get back to work tomorrow, alright?”

“Sure,” you agreed, “but maybe… get me a rag first?”

“I’ll drive you,” Bucky offered.

That meant you weren’t going to get a rag. What you didn’t realize at the time was that it also meant Bucky and Steve were going to stay the night at Sam’s, too. What you never could’ve imagined was that the four of you weren’t going to leave again for quite some time. And what you would’ve actually bet money against if somebody had asked you about it that morning was that you weren’t going to be working in the club anymore.

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oneshotnewbie · 4 years ago

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Omg I love your Navy CIS request 😍 Can we have another one where Reader faints? It's your choice how your gonna do it :)

Fully equipped, McGee and you stood at the door of the house where your suspect lived while Gibbs ran around the house to secure the back area and keep an eye on the back door in case Mike Lander thought he had to leave. Guns drawn, he nodded to you once more before knocking and leaning his body against the wall to prevent him from being shot through the door.

„NCIS, open the door!“

When nobody answered and there was silence in the house, McGee kicked the wooden door in. While he walked in front of you and secured the left to the kitchen, you walked further in and secured the bedroom. Nobody was there, but the special agent and you noticed quickly that the pot full of coffee was still relatively hot and the smell of freshly burned wood and ashes stung your eyes and nose; a fire has definitely been kindled recently.

„Tim, he is still here.“ you whispered to your partner.

„Y/N!“ did you heard him scream before something hit you with full force from the side and you flew through the entire room only to come to a standstill on the little coffee table that collapsed under you.

The impact took all of the air you had from your lungs and you closed your eyes while grimacing in pain. Your head felt like a cinder block and you felt something run down the back of your neck. Your vision was blurry and the corners of your eyes darkened. At that moment you were unable to move, as if your body was paralyzed.

„Boss, he is out front.“ Yelled McGee from the balcony before running to you but Gibbs was already gone. He had probably saw everything that had just happened in the glass front from his position.

He was kneeling in front of you and wanted to help you get up, but you just raised your hand and pointed towards the door. „Go get him, I’m fine.“ You said in a hushed voice and even if you saw that he hesitated and wanted to stay with you, he decided to chase after this guy.

You were left alone and gathered all your strength to free yourself from the table. Standing up didn’t work, so you turned to the right and dumped yourself from the hard wood to the rug on the floor. With a sigh you tried to support yourself with your shaky arms to get up but before you pulled your legs up to shift your body weight onto your knees, two hands grabbed your elbows and pulled you up slowly.

"Easy. Are you okay?" it was Gibbs looking at you worriedly and reaching under your arms, you still weren't in the control of your own body.

"M'fine."

But that didn't work for him. "Let me see," he slowly tilted your head to the side to get a better view of the back of your head and neck. "The hell you are, you're bleeding."

You hissed at his touch and winced when the gray-haired repeatedly went to the wound. Another wave of dizziness settled around you and you fell back a little. If he didn't still have a firm grip on you, you would probably be back on the ground.

"Does Tim got the bastard?" you asked after you slowly moved in the direction of the exit, Gibbs being your support while having an protective arm around your back.

"It doesn't matter now, I will take you to the hospital."

---

Patiently, Gibbs waited in the emergency doctors waiting room until they were done with your tests and he was called in by a nurse. While he sat on the chair across from your bed and vigorously checked you from top to bottom, you sat on the edge of the bed with a stapled wound on the side of your skull and still a little dazed from the painkillers you were given before.

After a while, a younger doctor came into the room and introduced himself to Gibbs. "How is she doing, doc?"

"So.." he started and took the stool out from under the desk. "The tests are inconclusive, which is good. However, from the impact you described to me, she got two broken ribs and suffered a moderate concussion, which is why she will probably continue to complain of headaches for a while."

"I can handle the complaints, I just want to know whether my agent can go home." he laughed and looked over at you.

You rolled your eyes playfully and couldn't help but laugh. Even if he was a hard shell on the outside that was very difficult to see through, he was on the inside gentle with his family, almost overprotective.

"She can go home. I will give her a few more painkillers for the next few days." said the brown-haired doctor and immediately turned to the computer to enter the recipes into the system. "However, she should not do any field activity until she has been 100% cleared by the on-duty doctor."

"Desk duty? How fun." you said sarcastically and turned to the doctor, but your head got stuck in half, the pain was too strong that you still felt despite the painkiller.

"Sorry about that, Agent L/N." he said and handed the instructions for taking the pills to your boss. "If she complains of very bad headaches, dizziness, nausea or even passes out, bring her back to the hospital immediately."

Gibbs nodded in understanding and took a closer look at the discharge papers while the doctor talked to you. "You are not allowed to wash your hair with shampoo, initially for the next 48 hours. You can get the blood out with lukewarm water, but let someone help you and please don't comb your hair in that area to prevent removing the clips."

After this instruction, he wished you a speedy recovery and disappeared from the door.

---

It was the next day you worked off your old files that you still had to work on anyway. Other than that, you were not allowed to do anything other than put information you found on the screen and go down to Abby to see what she'd found for you.

You didn't want to admit it but you felt worse than yesterday. The waves of dizziness you felt when you moved too quickly and the nausea you felt since yesterday evening made it hard for you to concentrate. You had already two pills of painkillers and you wouldn't get a third one from Gibbs, he clearly told you and you didn't want to draw any further attention to yourself.

"Hey, look. I brought you your favorite donuts." did you hear a male voice speak and you looked up. Tim stood in front of you with a pack of 12 donuts and a big grin on his face.

Smiling, you took the box over to you and placed it on the free side of the desk."Thank you, Timmy but you don't have to give me anything. It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. I didn't offer you the protection a partner has to offer." before he uttered the last words of the sentence, you talked in between. "Tim, it's okay. This is our job. You did what you had to do, we just didn't looked clearer the first time we went in."

He nodded, the guilt was written on his face while he stole one of your donuts and walked back to his place. He was worried and even if you said it wasn't his fault, he felt more than guilty so he tried it with small gifts and gestures, like helping you with your old files in his free time when you needed a break.

Hours went by that you worked, Ellie, Nick and Gibbs had also returned from field work and now were back at their desks. Your otherwise so happy charisma was betrayed by your face contorted with pain. You felt the worried looks from the squad on you so you tried to get away from them by going down to Abbys.

At least for a few minutes.

Abby let you know every single detail she found and about the evening with her brother but it just didn't seem to get into you head. As soon as you walked out of her door, almost everything she said was forgotten.

The dizziness seemed to get worse and you just barely made it to the top. In the middle of the bullpen you came to a standstill, your breath shallow and heavy. "Abby found out that.."

You couldn't go on talking. Something in you refused to speak, this abnormal dizziness took away your sight and you couldn't see anything but a blurred vision. "Y/N, what did she find out?" Gibbs asked you in concern.

He already stood up from his chair when he saw that you came walking, your face almost paler than the walls of the hospital he had to stare at. Almost immediately, he knew that something was wrong with you so he rounded his desk if he had to intervene and be near you.

It took you a few seconds to form a normal sentence after trying to look through the sight of a swaying ship. "Call an ambulance." you could answer before the lights turned off and you collapsed in the office.

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seyaryminamoto · 3 years ago

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Do you think canon Zuko has any understanding of the idea of duty? That he, especially given that he aspires to political power, should act like his status as Prince gives him certain responsibilities? That doing what's best for the for Fire Nation or the world might require him to do things which make him unhappy or uncomfortable or require him to make grave personal sacrifices? Does he even understand duty as a concept?

Oof. Complicated questions, thus, this sat in my inbox for a veeeery long time.

I honestly, seriously, genuinely... don't think Zuko truly understood, at any point in canon, what it really meant to be a leader. I know many of us (and I think you, too?) don't particularly like the comics, but in my opinion, The Promise did a surprisingly decent job at highlighting several problems left in the wake of the end of the war, and perhaps unintentionally, this is one of the problems: upon becoming Fire Lord, Zuko is remarkably erratic, unsure of his choices, even seeking advice from his FATHER, of all people, because he has no idea what he's doing.

In the most favorable possible view of Iroh, he taught Zuko to be a better person. I don't entirely adscribe to this belief, but fine, let's concede that he did, or else this answer would never end: not just because you're a good person, however, are you guaranteed to be a good leader. Zuko, as we both know, is far from the best person in the world, and he is prone to making impulsive, emotional mistakes that can cause harm and trouble, and typically, Zuko doesn't face the consequences of most his actions, or the narrative just pins the blame on someone else. When we see this sort of behavior in a real-life politician, the immediate reaction we would have is "this guy is awful at his job", and sadly, I find myself thinking that quite often when it comes to Zuko's canon tenure as Fire Lord.

So... what is Zuko's concept of duty? Going by his pursuit of Aang in the first two seasons, duty is a task given to him by someone whose approval he seeks (in this case, Ozai) and he must pull it off, no matter what, to gain said approval. By Book 3, this logic still applies fairly easily to how Zuko acts over Iroh: I've highlighted in the past that the main motivation for Zuko's redemption is Iroh, doing right by Iroh, making amends to Iroh, regretting how he treated Iroh. He points that out explicitly in Ember Island Players, he does it as well indirectly by bringing up Iroh first of all, when confronting Ozai: this is his main priority. Ergo... I'd honestly say it's safe to judge that this is what Zuko regards as duty, as what he has to do. Iroh wants him to be Fire Lord? That's exactly what he becomes. The difficulties and complications in this particular line of work are taken for granted, and so, we have an outcome that was remarkably well depicted in The Promise, despite that comic's many glaring flaws: Zuko gets swept back and forth, twisted left and right by all the pressures and responsibilities, because he has no idea what he's doing as Fire Lord, and no idea/experience in how to be a real leader.

As far as I can tell, the core of the matter is that nobody really seems to have taken Zuko all that seriously as future Fire Lord. Ozai, evidently, wasn't training Zuko to be his personal heir. Ozai himself is a questionable source of information regarding learning what it means to be Fire Lord, considering he, as well, wasn't raised to take that role, just as he didn't raise Zuko for it. Yet Iroh didn't exactly teach Zuko how to lead anyone either, as far as I can tell: his lessons were meant to be of a more personal nature, and even then, Zuko had lots of trouble accepting most of them. Iroh's firebending lessons to Zuko were typically stunted in the basics because he was hot-headed and rash about getting to the intense and interesting stuff...

So: neither Ozai nor Iroh gave Zuko actual responsibilities. Ozai gave him a punishment Zuko was trying to endure however possible, a punishment he wanted to prove himself unworthy of by finding the Avatar and "regaining his honor". Then, Iroh punished Zuko as well by giving him the cold shoulder in Book 3, then he escaped and Zuko did everything he did, after betraying Ozai, to prove himself worthy of Iroh's kindness once again. It's not actual duty, the way it is in Azula's case: no doubt, Azula wants Ozai's approval too, but she has the madman's trust when it comes to finding her brother and uncle, to taking down the Avatar, and to conquering Ba Sing Se, as far as anyone can tell. I do doubt Ozai gave her all these missions at once, but he gave her the resources through which she pulled off ALL of them: she had the firebending procession, she had a ship, she had a train-tank, she had mounts... Zuko had a rundown ship that looked like a 1:10 scale version of every other ship in the harbor back in the very third episode: he was being punished. In contrast, Azula is entrusted with a mission, with LEADERSHIP, while Zuko has no visible, tangible, objective experience with the latter (consider how Azula steals the Dai Li's loyalty from under Long Feng: when did we see Zuko pulling off something like this? Even with Jet, Zuko was more of an associate to the Freedom Fighters, and Jet was still the leader).

I've always thought Zuko wasn't prepared to be Fire Lord, and the main reasons are the ones you indirectly point out through this ask: Zuko doesn't seem to treat the throne as a responsibility, but as his right. I won't get tired of pointing out that this was NOT Zuko's birthright, he was NOT born thinking he'd be Fire Lord: he was born to the second branch in the Fire Nation family. We literally SEE the day in which Lu Ten's death is revealed to him. According to somewhat official sources? He's ELEVEN in Zuko Alone's flashbacks. I, personally, think he looks a little younger than that, but I think that's the official wikia age, no idea where they got that info but that's what it says. Meaning...

Zuko, objectively, only had been crown prince for FIVE YEARS.

Zuko was NOT raised, not by his mother, not by his father, with the belief that the throne would one day be his (Ursa is gone before Ozai is crowned and Ozai clearly wanted Azula for the job rather than Zuko).

And yet, when you backtrack to the show? It seriously looks like that was the case. He clings to the throne in Books 1 and 2 as though he had no other purpose in life, as though this was everything that was promised to him (in contrast, Azula only ever indicates wanting the throne in Sozin's Comet: Part One). Even when he's an outlaw, discarded and cast out, he STILL talks about the throne, as though most his identity were built upon the notion that he must become Fire Lord: why? How come? Within five years, he's crafted his entire existence around being the heir to the throne? That's... a bit weird.

And a bit wishful, too. Which is why I commend that the comics show him struggling as Fire Lord, if anything they should've had him struggling MORE than that, because Zuko is simply NOT prepared for these responsibilities. He never gave any indication, any sign, of seeing it as such. He sees it as his right, his birthRIGHT. Why? Why more people don't ponder how utterly strange this behavior is, beats me. But it really does bother me that Zuko built his entire existence around being Fire Lord in a very similar way to how Korra built her own about being the Avatar. I have very little praise to give LOK in general, but the premise of Korra learning she was a person, a human, and not just the Avatar felt like the perfect parallel to Aang's story, where he was very much anchored in his humility and belief that he was just "one kid", and his rejection of his duties as the Avatar was meant to change gradually as he learned to accept himself as he was. Korra, however, never fully hit the mark with this subject, in my personal opinion... much as Zuko doesn't hit the mark either, since the show's only direct attempt to "deconstrue" Zuko's clinging to the throne happens in one dialogue, and his attachment to the idea is built up again, right afterwards:

Zuko: And then ... then you would come and take your rightful place on the throne? Iroh: No. Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko. Zuko: Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes. Iroh: Yes, you have. You've struggled; you've suffered, but you have always followed your own path. You restored your own honor, and only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation. Zuko: I'll try, Uncle.

And there we have it. The only point in the show (that I can remember) where Zuko seemed to not feel worthy of the throne and questioned he should be the one sitting on it (RIGHTFULLY!), buuuuuuuut he goes right back to wanting it, right afterwards, based on how this single exchange was enough for him to be 100% determined to take down his sister, merely a few lines later.

As for his willingness to make personal sacrifices... some might say he was outright willing to die for Katara in the finale -- though I'll point out he was trying to redirect the lightning anyway, didn't do it as well as he should have, but he wasn't exactly, consciously, trying to DIE for her... --, some might say that he left Mai behind in the FIre Nation, and that as well was a sacrifice... but was it? We don't see him missing her, or suffering about her fate, at any point in time after SHE sacrifices herself for him in the Boiling Rock (my biggest gripe over this particular canon couple is this, tbh). I feel like the show generally presents Zuko's situation as somewhat... self-sacrificial? Especially in Books 1 and 2, and yet that's really not the case: it isn't Zuko himself who makes the choice of traveling to find Aang, it's a punishment inflicted upon him.

This particular view upon his circumstances makes it so Zuko is never responsible for... well, any of his choices? It's always someone else's fault, therefore, whatever he suffers through, there's always someone he can (and usually does) resent for it. Therefore... I can't genuinely think of anything Zuko sacrificed in order to come as far as he did. He was forced to let go of things by his father, typically, by Zhao as well, maybe, but even then, it's not like we saw that he has a super healthy and happy relationship with, I don't know, Earth Kingdom people (his only meaningful positive EK bond was with Jin, which went nowhere and goes forgotten after a single mini episode)? The Palace staff? The commoners of the Fire Nation (they just treat him like a hero and he seems awkward and distant about it anyway, like he can really just do without their worship)? He doesn't have other friends beyond Azula's own friends... thus, he doesn't sacrifice anything that really matters. And in a sense, some people might say he doesn't have to sacrifice anything at all: he already went through so much strife and struggle that why would he need to sacrifice anything else? But the thing is... you DO have to learn to make such sacrifices if you're going to be a good king.

So often, people who devote themselves to their jobs have to consciously neglect their families, to name one thing: Zuko neglects Mai and she explodes at him for it in The Promise, then he just tries to get her back at all costs in Smoke & Shadow, with no thoughts given to the fact that maybe he isn't ready to juggle both a relationship and the throne, that maybe Mai could be happier with someone other than him, someone who can give her the attention and relationship she's looking for... THOSE are the sacrifices I'd be referring to, personally, sacrifices where his happiness and peace of mind have to be set aside for the sake of something much more important than himself, and I expect that's the kind of sacrifices you're referring to, too. I seriously don't think he's ready to make them, and with the comics as reference, there's seriously no evidence to suggest he's prepared to accept these burdens that come with the heavy mantle of leadership and ruling. I've never seen any signs of him being ready for it, myself. Maybe I need to reexamine the show and see if maybe I'm missing something... but I don't really think I am.

The worst part, for me, is that Zuko isn't even doing the bulk of the things he's doing in pursuit of genuine happiness: he's doing it over a sense of destiny. He never stops to reason with that destiny, to wonder if maybe he doesn't need to be Fire Lord, if maybe he could have a life beyond that role. Book 2 veeeery briefly suggests he MIGHT be on his way to questioning that destiny, but as I've said before, I don't see the sense in Zuko's big change of heart after the Appa incident considering we don't really understand what he's learned, other than how to be the perfect nephew for Iroh, apparently. Zuko never really is happy, as he says in the show: his happiest moments are with Mai and they're only like a 25% of his relationship with her, everything else is a mess (and his relationship with her isn't exactly the core of his character, either). So, the way I see it... Zuko is even worse off than it looks at first glance. He's out to fulfill a destiny he has never stopped to reason with, a destiny he's 100% sure is his, despite he has only been on that path, objectively, for five years? Despite he wasn't raised all along under the belief that this was what he was supposed to be? If given a chance to be genuinely happy, what on earth would he even do? A lot of the growth I gave him in Gladiator was based on that particular question: is the throne really what Zuko needs to be happy? It doesn't look like it, even in canon. If it's not... then it's not happiness he seeks, it's some sort of sense of assurance that he's doing the right thing, according to the figure of authority he follows at a set point in time: by Book 3, said authority is Iroh, and Iroh wants him on the throne. His motivation, as far as I can see it, is as simple as that.

Long story short... I don't think Zuko really has a strong grasp on many concepts that he absolutely should have reasoned with and worked out in order to become Fire Lord. In a sense, he's way too young for the role he's given, for the heavy burdens he has to deal with, and I'll NEVER see the sense in not having Iroh taking the throne (beyond how "poetic" the creators and writers found it to crown Zuko to finish his story, of course), at least for a short time, before Zuko can be ready. This is exactly why I wrote things that way in my oneshot where Azula takes Zuko's role, more or less: Iroh serves as regent while Azula prepares for taking the full role of Fire Lord when she's ready. I love her, she's awesome, I absolutely adore her character... but I don't think an Azula who was sidelined and sent on a long voyage with her uncle for YEARS could possibly be ready for the responsibilities of being Fire Lord right away.

Meanwhile? Iroh was given leadership of military missions enough times that he became a general in the Fire Nation forces. By all evidence, he was Fire Lord Azulon's pampered and spoiled son, whom he DID prepare for the duties of a Fire Lord for as long as Iroh was born: Iroh literally had fifty-ish years of preparation, as far as I can tell? How is he NOT the better suited person to take the throne, if just temporarily, while his nephew learns what it really means to rule by watching him, or by maybe learning leadership by managing smaller duties first, a specific town or city, and then putting his knowledge to good use by becoming Fire Lord properly?

Eh... because it wouldn't be an epic enough finale for the show, I suppose. That's the only answer I can find for this particular question.

So... yeah. That got long :'D but in short... I don't think Zuko has a strong grasp on responsibility and duty, let alone on the burdens inherent to these concepts. Yet more reasons why his character's arc can't hit all the marks it should, imo, to make it as great as the whole fandom is already convinced it is.

#zuko-always-lies #more zuko meta #and it got long #:'D #if anyone needs a read more #let me know and I'll add it #but for now #it is what it is #you know it really is sad to write all this when I'm more or less making peace with Zuko via Gladiator #and actually making him reason with soooo much stuff #that he never really had to in the show #*siiiiigh*#he'll never be my fav #that much is obvious #but he could be MORE #and it's sad that he's not #very sad

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