#and tbh i'm getting fucking sick of working saturday

[anintelligentoctopus]

FINALLY getting a full weekend off

[mrs-weasley-reid]

JULY REC FICS

Hello, my sweets!! I wanted to try something out to provide my full and utter support to all the amazing writers I've come across in the form of monthly rec fics (starting this month). Join me in giving them love through comments and reblogs. It really is a joy to hear how you're doing as a writer. It makes up for all the angst we write lol

I will be going based on what I've read recently and not by the date the fic was posted. And the number of fics will depend on how much I've read the entire month. Also, please respect these writers. Some contents are 18+, so MINORS should not be interacting in any way, especially when the authors themselves specify it.

— ✿ — ✿ ✿ — ✿ ✿ ✿

Spencer Reid

✿ a question unasked by @easy-there-leftovers ↳ SOOOO ADORABLE. I'm a workaholic craze gal, so it speaks to me on a silly level.

✿ missing the happy hormone by @lavenderspence ↳ I'm a sucker for Spencer fluff this month, what can I say? This fic Tina made had my waterworks going on for about a minute because it's so sweet

✿ desk duty by @reiderwriter ↳ All you have to know is the amount of evil laugh I made while reading this

✿ the theory of love by @ophelia-is-complex ↳ Genuine intimacy is quite a challenge to write, but THIS ONE, this one had me in a sappy mood

✿ like nothing matters by @cerisereids ↳ gagged and had to pause the reading so many times because HELLO— had me spiraling at work

✿ the devils disguise by @qlossytbh ↳ I said I sobbed a little bit, but I actually cried so much I ended up taking a nap and felt better afterward. It's all fluff, though, don't get me wrong. I'm just very dramatic when the red devil's on the clock

✿ not so funny by @reidmania ↳ Angsty, that made me wanna start a fight with some random twiggy tall guy. Sooooo good!

✿ cloaked in passions touch by @raekensluver ↳ If you don't like Spencer's hands, you're fucking lying to yourself!!!!!

✿ language of devotion by @gghostwriter ↳ I'm in love with reid, and this fic just had me stumbling back onto his lap like a good gal

✿ this req response by @mandarinmoons ↳ Sorry, I'm not sure what the title is, but it's so adorable and got me to go to work, so kind of a lifesaver tbh

✿ hallucinate by @gghostwriter ↳ Oooo, this one was so cute, hehe. Honestly, I lean towards Spencer fluff lately just because I've been too overstimulated with work this past month, so READ THIS ONE ITS CUTE

✿ it's golden, like daylight by @dudeitiskarev ↳ I actually felt like I was reader the entire time I read this. It's well-written and so adorable and something that should be framed in a museum

✿ much ado about nothing series by @incognit0slut ↳ binged it all morning, and I was whipped !!! It's ongoing, so if I have to wait, so does everybody else

— ✦ — ✦ ✦ — ✦ ✦ ✦

Aaron Hotchner

✦ choiceless hope series by @hotchfiles ↳ This series had me rolling over my bed on a Saturday. A lot of feelings getting played (mostly mine)

✦ beanstalk by @solardrop ↳ I kid you not; I was giggling like a weirdo when I read it. And that itself deserves the recommendation.

✦ too busy being yours by @hotchfiles ↳ Lari knows how to get a sick gal to giggle. I love bau!rossi!reader. I love Rossi as reader's dad, so I enjoyed it more than I thought I would

✦ ignorance by infatuation by @boneblushed ↳ Oh, this one was a nice snack while on my break at work. LOVED IT SO MUCH

✦ hungover by @basketonthedoorstepofthefbi ↳ Mmmm, such a good read! Plus Jemily is there sooooo

✦ from across the bar by @hotchscoffeecup ↳ Evil laugh ensues. A nice cuppa of some good ole kinky stuff

✦ doomed by @hotchfiles ↳ guys, I stopped my car in the middle of driving home just to read it, so it's THAT good. Honestly, I strongly encourage everyone to read all of Lari's works! She's my writer crush, if none of you realized it by now

✦ a bunch of cuties in love by @lavenderspence ↳ hehehehehehe this definitely did not remind me of that one older guy I used to flirt with who had an adorable younger brother that I babysat🤭

✦ schrodinger's cat by @none-of-your-bullshit ↳ angst on a Saturday morning is like taking a shot of soju before 11 am, and this one felt like it <3

how about you also comment your top 3 fave fics for this month to spread more love to our great writers?

[limeade-l3sbian]

You do not have to answer this, but your post about relaxers made me think you may have an opinion: how do you feel about some of the really elaborate hairstyles little black girls wear? I work with mostly black children as a white woman, and I've noticed how much effort they put into their hair. They change it up a lot, they're WAY fancier than anything I ever did lol. And they're adorable, but I've seen a few videos on TikTok of black children getting their hair done and it looks like it takes FOREVER, and it makes me a little sad to imagine little girls spending their entire Saturday getting their hair done instead of playing? And it kind of looks like it hurts, but also I have a really sensitive scalp and couldn't handle even brushing it half the time, so maybe it isn't as bad as I'm imagining. But also, the little boys tend to have their braids and knots, too, so maybe it isn't a gendered thing? I just was curious if you had any thoughts on the matter

It does take a long time and, for me, it did suck. I was a tomboy so the last thing I wanted to spend my Saturdays doing was getting my hair pressed and getting burned on my nape.

A lot of black girls are also tender headed. It didn't hurt for me, but I had friends who cried getting their hair combed and brushed through. But I'll just say that that constant upkeep of the hair is for two reasons in my experience.

1) It just takes work to take care of black hair lol. I'm not even saying it's bad work. It just takes work. Braids and knots are protective styles, meaning they're meant to stay in for a while so you don't mess with your hair too much. It's definitely not a gendered thing. Black men and women are both expected to keep their hair tight, which leads to the next reason.

2) Black people aren't really "allowed" to have messy hair without being judged. Our hair is so different from most everyone and seen as unkempt by default and in its natural state. Changing up the hair often I feel is just part of the culture tbh. But to always see those young black girls with their hair looking fresh everyday? Their parents know and have probably told them or will tell them later that they don't get to have a "messy bun" the same way their non-black peers can. I think black hair looks sick as fuck when it's messy, but I also know that most ppl will assume you forgot to do your hair if you don't constantly perform and always have your edges laid and all that.

Anyway, any other black women want to chime in, that'd be cool. But those are just my two cents. 💜

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Welp it's 430 am on a Friday & I've not yet slept due to pain so... let's do a life update with Dr.M!

Where to begin... I guess with how things are with L & The House Gremlins.

Things between me & L are still really great. Honestly the last month has been crazy stressful starting the week before Thanksgiving. He got a chest infection & was down Friday thru the Monday of the week prior to Thanksgiving. The kids started their 2 week holiday visit that Friday so I handled EVERYTHING. Then Sunday night I felt sinus junk & the next morning woke up with 102°f fever & full on pneumonia. I apparently ran myself down & then a cold front happened. He tried to handle stuff on Monday but kept falling asleep in the kids' rooms & since they couldn't wake him they came to me. I was down til Thursday. Really should have been longer but Ari got his chest infection, so I had to take care of her while he worked. Kids left for the weekend (Ari with very explicit instructions on what she needed to kick the infection) & when they all came back Monday, Ari was still sick & so was Zel. So Monday & Tuesday I took care of them because they asked for me specifically every time. Wednesday I realized how burned out L was, so I handled everything til Saturday when the kids were gone again. Wednesday was baking & prep, Thursday was Thanksgiving proper, which I cooked for (because L was legit just going to order a pizza), Friday was clean up & general kid nonsense. L got 3 days of video games. The following Monday, I was down due to an upcoming cold front & he learned at the beginning of work that a coworker he was close with took their life the night before. I was down until Thursday because on Tuesday the front was serious enough that the temp dropped 20 degrees in an hour. He basically did the bare minimum to get by, going to work then coming home & making sure we both ate. Since then I've been ok, and have been able to help him through his grief & keep him going til Christmas break (which starts the end of next week).

Despite ALL of that (plus me suspecting I am having a hormone issue due to the fact that my body/emotional state has resembled my severe PMS for 2.5 months now without any period action; so I'm overly sensitive, overly emotional, & hornier than I've ever been in my life) we've still not had any fights or anything like that. We both just make sure that we openly communicate with each other about how we are feeling & what we need or have the capacity to handle, then act accordingly to ensure we are supporting each other & both our needs are met to the best of our ability while treating each other with kindness & understanding.

This is like an actual healthy relationship and it's fucking dope. But also neither of us is accustomed to such a thing so it's been an adjustment & a learning experience.

The House Gremlins... so you might remember that at the start of their 2 week stay, Vin was still basically attempting to bully me. He legit asked L if he was getting rid of L's old couches & when L confirmed it, this child looked me in my face & asked L what he is gonna do when we break up because Ex1 or Ex2 scares me off with threats. (I acted like I didn't hear him & L basically laughed & said that due to my life experiences, people don't frighten me. The subtext was that the exes specifically don't frighten me... because I grew up with people so much worse than them tbh.) Well, since that first Sunday afternoon when he turned it around, he's been great. Hasn't given me any trouble when I ask him to do stuff, has volunteered to help with things, & has been talking to me about Pokemon Go since he got his smartphone back. He even called me a few nights ago to ask if his dad had dress shoes he could borrow for an event.

Zel is happy as a clam with my existence. Out of the 3, she's been the least resistant to my presence. She took to manners & such really quickly. Plus, if I lay out clear rules about using certain stuff I have (like [Dr. M's] Special Markers) she follows the rules to the letter so she can keep using them.

Ari... has been a butt when she doesn't like what I say or gently call her out for doing something she shouldn't but beyond that seems all good.

So I'm fully integrated into the house. Still the first choice when there's a problem. Still the one who gets asked about baking, dinner, or doing ridiculous jazz.

All in all, super dope.

The Spawn situation is... not dope. She's basically started peddling her pity party "it's so hard to be broke at 18, trying to learn to be an adult without parents" to all my friends now in addition to family... while living for free at my Dad's, basically acting like it's her fucking house, while he pays the bills and her dog has become his dog in that she now sleeps with him & he is the one who walks her, plays with her, buys her toys, treats, and food. She's supposedly moving to Oklahoma with her 'bestie' (a guy she's known since freshman year) & The Bf (yep he came back & they scream at each other DAILY) for a lab tech job in an ER. However I doubt that will work out since she's already ranting to The Bf about not being able to work in a hospital because of 'classism'.

"Dr. M, why the quotes around the word classism?"

Oh because she's misusing the term and is deeply misinformed but ignores or screams at anyone who attempts to correct her. She is referring to her hearing second hand from a person who hasn't ever worked in healthcare that doctors & nurses look down on techs and treat them like trash. Multiple people who have actually worked in healthcare have told her that is not commonplace anymore, as most know that lab techs/phlebotomists are an indispensable part of the healthcare system in that they are diagnostically necessary.

But she isn't ever mistaken so... she ain't trying to hear that.

I've not spoken to her but have heard things from friends & Dad. Oof. I really hope she grows out of this.

Oh! Also I've regained all but 5 lbs of the weight I lost the month before I came here despite my multiple illnesses & bouts of pain puking in the last 2 months. That and my energy levels remind me that I made the right choice. I love her dearly but I warned her repeatedly that once she hit 18 I wasn't going to put up with the abusive disrespectful bull anymore. She didn't believe me. Her bf warned her. She didn't believe him. Dad warned her. She didn't believe him. Hell, the oldest of my younger cousins warned her. Kid still decided to fuck around over and over and over & is continually shocked and 'doesn't understand' why she's finding out.

Also you know stuff with her is bad when my Dad (who has the patience of a saint & endless kindness for people he loves) is going on at length about being stoked to have them move tf out. In contrast, he was sad I was leaving but also happy that I was finally putting myself first & not letting her just straight up kill me.

Plus he really likes L. They text CONSTANTLY about hockey & the nerdass shit they both are super into that I only have knowledge about by being in proximity of my father most of my life. Like 2 days ago, L went on for like 20 mins about... idk some hockey shit. He suddenly looked at me (because I will listen to him talk about anything forever, but get a sorta glazed over look if I have no clue what he's on about) and said "This is a conversation for your dad, huh?" I confirmed. Then yesterday I told my dad about it because I gave them each other's numbers for emergencies (plus I have his mom's number so...). He immediately asked what hockey nonsense he was talking about. I explained the bits I could remember super vaguely & he started laughing & knew EXACTLY what L was talking about. (I mean, I guess he did because he said a name & I threw up my hands and said "I don't fucking know! I guess?") I obviously relayed this interaction to L... who immediately said "Oh yeah! I have his digits!", picked up his phone & started texting my dad about Lord of the fucking Rings.

Goddamned nerds.

[megan-bopo-journey]

Coeliac/depression/anxiety chronicles ;(

It's been an exhausting few weeks, ever since Navin's wedding like over 2 weeks ago I have not had a weekend where there's been some kind of social occasion, and therefore having to be around food I can't eat.

I always want to go into these situations prepared but I've realised I can never actually fully prepare myself when I can't predict what food is going to be available to me. Part of me just wants to assume that there won't be food available and basically never leave my house without packing food, which is a little sad but doable especially if I bring food that is nice. See I don't want to bring just like tuna and rice cakes because that won't be satisfying, I'd much rather bring like a chicken and quinoa salad and a little bliss ball because it's like ~kinda healthy~ but also satisfying. What I've kinda been ending up doing though is compulsively eating prior to an event and being petrified of being hungry and then ending up being at the event where I've been catered for and eating even more to the point of feeling sick because I feel rude refusing food that people have specifically catered for me. But it's just so inconsistent and even if I ask people to cater for me sometimes they get it wrong and then I get frustrated that I have to learn so much about food (when I already overthink food anyway due to my disordered eating history) when they have to ask if rice or potatoes are gluten free because they've actually never had to think about it before!

But back to the point, I don't think I'm brave enough anymore to consider going places without bringing food unless I'm 100% sure that they will have food for me and if they do and I have the emotional energy to ask questions about it and I can eat it then I can still have some moments of being able to enjoy food with people and if I need to throw my salad out it's not the end of the world (because I also feel guilty wasting food). I think the best thing for me is to let go of trying to be 'normal' because I'm not. I can't avoid getting noticed because literally every event with food includes me having to talk about this fucking disease. I feel like I've tried so hard to maintain some sense of normalcy or find ways to blend in so people don't ask about my coeliac or whatever which is probably why I've spent the last 2 years mostly avoiding telling restaurants I'm coeliac because a. It's fucking ridiculous that my body is THAT fucking sensitive to an ingredient that is of course in LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING but b. TBH it's just fucking humiliating having to be fucking accommodated after being so independent for 26 years. and also unless I'm with a friend that knows about this shit already it then starts a conversation of "oH yOU HAve coELIAC? my friend has it but its rEALLY baD!!!" or "that must be sooooooo hard" and then just I'm getting used to the idea I get triggered and realise that yeah....it's really fucking shit. I feel like I only feel at peace when I'm just on my own, making my own food, with no one around me to judge me or remind me how shit my life is. when I'm in a routine with gym and meal prepping and work where I can eat alone most days or even with people I can eat my meal prep and it just looks normal and no one talks about it. I'm grateful there are options and I have a job now where there's rarely surprise meetings with food or fucking birthday cakes and shit and really it suits me so well because I'm going to have to deal with this for rest of my life and it impacts so much of my life and I'm grateful I have some level of control with this part of my life. Ideally working as a complete sole trader would be amazing because unfortunately we still have the fucking group supervision every 2 months where they get food and the retreat thing this Saturday and the Christmas Party but with these I can bring my own food easily, with the retreat thing I have supervision tomorrow so I can ask if she was planning anything and I can give some ideas if she isn't or at least have some predictability about it. I hate that I have to think so much about food all the time (which is been made worse with my body image issues) but I think it's just these challenges that I have that I can try my best to prepare for or prepare for a menty b if it doesn't go to plan -which because as I said I can usually never predict these things is usually what happens. There is Emma's birthday on Saturday night but because I'm doing the river walk with work afterwards and it'll be a tough day being around people all eating food that I probably can't eat I really don't have it in me. The restaurant has GF options but I know I wont have it in me to let them know I'm coeliac and just for the conversation that follows and although they have GF options I always get envy of the other food that people have ordered (which makes me feel gluttonous and guilty because I'm not exactly a string bean I could afford to eat healthier for once in my life-but I'm also a fucking human being who enjoys food that tastes good and wants to enjoy it around other people-god forbid!!). Oh and it's in burwood and after a day of work-just no. Also the last time I went to a Japanese restaurant of course people wanted to share dishes (that's how you do it) but that just not work when you have dietary requirements and instead of just ordering everything GF the fucking idiots were like oh we'll order normal satay chicken (or whatever it was) and I'll order the GF and when they brought it out I ate it thinking it was the GF only for them to be like -

[safyresky]

Hi I haven't been on tumblr the past few days so Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you had tons of fun :D

Thank you! I did! It was also a VERY WILD WEEK! Feel like it was a good way to start off 28 lmao. Don't mind me using this ask to go off about it for a mo lol

We did something Friday but I can't remember what; Saturday my friends came over for a lil party and a True Blood night! (We started watching True Blood, my work pals an I. It's been an EXPERIENCE and I'm kinda thrown at how the story is both well done but also DELIGHTFULLY CAMPY/CRINGEY)

Sunday the hubbers and I went to Ottawa and did a wreck room which was EXHILARATING tbh. I smashed so much glass. LOOK AT OUR DESTRUCTION:

I was so right about hitting things with a bat FIXING ME. There were four cement blocks. I broke TWO.

Then we went to Parliament Hill and walked around. Last time I went to OUR NATIONS CAPITAL I was VERY little so this time, I was like. READY to EXPERIENCE. And Ottawa is a weird city. It's like if Toronto, Mississauga, Kingston, and Quebec City had a fucking weird baby. I kinda liked it! Also checked out the Rideau centre, which was like a mix between the Eaton centre in Toronto and Sherway Gardens in Toronto/Mississauga. Etobicoke I think, if I wanna be EXACT but it gets fuzzy in that area, like, what's Toronto and what's GTA, ANYWAY

THEN WE WENT TO IKEA WHICH WAS THE MAIN EVENT! I really wanted to go to IKEA for my bday and get a new bedframe bc Richard and I uh. We broke ours. We committed to a bit that involved me chasing him upstairs and he ran into the bedroom, did a SICK NASTY jump into the air and landed right on the bed and the bed immediately fell through the floorboards 🙃🙃🙃

The first two legs, that is. The one closest to his impact zone fell right through a floorboard; the other one bent nasty bad bc it suddenly had all the weight lol. It has been like this for like a year and a HALF. So glad we finally replaced it! AND for my bday! AND IT HAS SO MUCH STORAGE WHICH IS GR8 BC OUR LIL TURN OF THE CENTURY HOUSE HAS A SERIOUS STORAGE PROBLEM (and the hubbers has a serious keep things always problem. we're working on it :)

THEN HE LEFT HIS WALLET AT IKEA??? SO THE NEXT DAY AFTER WORK I HAD TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK SO HE COULD GRAB IT AND THANKFULLY IT WAS IN THEIR LOST AND FOUND. It was a whole, THING but like. My GOD I was sore and tired and like cranky so it was an EXPERIENCE, ESPECIALLY A DAY BEFORE THE ACTUAL BDAY

(Ottawa is 2 hours away from us, for context)

Then the actual bday we went to dins with a friend and came home and passed tf out bc said friend is A Lot and we are Old and Tired.

BUT YEAH. GOOD TIMES. WEIRD WEEK. GR8 START TO 28. SET UP THE BED TODAY. V EXCITED. WAS A 6 HOUR PROCESS. I CAN'T WAIT TO REORGANIZE MY HOUSE

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

I for the first time ever I deleted a post. I'm gonna make that a habit from here on. I'm trying to work on how I communicate when I'm upset annnnd I very clearly was not in the right space at that moment.

Though now that I'm out that daze I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I don't know why I quit but I did atp knowing full well I do not have the money for my uni debt installment.. I nonchalantly took 700 right after rhe fact planning on easing up to much much more in the hopes of escaping that whole situation

I got scared, didn't do the rest, discovered that our landlord was doing an inspection soon, and finally, used that as an excuse and pushed it off til then

And now?

Today is the day of. Well actually ig its the day after now. It's 1:50 am and Saturday atp lol. Dooms day was technically supposed to be on Fri

I've been feeling so trapped. I genuinely don't know what to do from here. Its so fucking stupid. If I could have pushed through for just a week or two longer half of this issue wouldn't even matter. But no. I got so frustrated I just quit on the spot and I was already being stupid before too. I just can't get over this fucking hurdle. I can't. It's like anything I don't want to do just turns into the bigger than it ever needs to be and it takes my all to just get through it. That shit is so draining

But my god like it's not draining enough to where I need to like whole ass unalive myself.. shit. Everytime I come out that daze I cringe at how overdramatic I sound. It's because of my giant problem with asking for help. It is HORRIBLE. The thought of telling anyone what I've been struggling with just sounds like an emotional mess

But everytime I think on it, it feels more and more like my only option is to hurt myself. I so desperately need psychiatric help but who has the money for that? If I don't hurt myself, it won't be considered urgent enough for them to get me help right away. Plus they'd get annoyed with my constant excuses. Not to say they wouldn't still be mad if I were to do something like that.. tho least they'd know it's different this time.

But on the other is it right for me to purposely weaponize my self inflicted suffering to get help right when I want it? Is it manipulative? Is it a necessary sacrifice? I've been wanting this for so long. If i could just keep my head on straight for long enough maybe I could fucking afford it myself.

That's what I hate about it. It's a two in one fuck up. I have $300 I'm somehow supposed to poof up by the end of the month. Tbh I have like $170 more I need to sort out too but it's not as urgent lol. But thennnn that whole sink hole issue plus me quitting.. AGAIN

I literally don't know what to do. I don't want to do it again. I fucking hate the taste, the feel, the everything. I relapsed out of pure desperation and i still was miserable. Worst two days of my life. I felt so pathetic

So now it makes it sting so much worse for that being all that I can think of. Ik I'd get help. But god.. do I have to feel that shit to get it? Do I really have to? What are my other options tho

Jesus. I am so ready to shut down and hopefully just stop breathing. I'm terrified of how bad I'm gonna hurt after I take them all. But I really don't see any other options. The thought of asking for help makes me sick. They're not gonna take it seriously. Ik they'd cheese along originally but they'll get annoyed and hate me. Plus what am I gonna do in December? I still have debt to pay then. That shit is still gon be due.. that's another $200 I need to 100% have or else im gonna fuck up everything. My mom's cosigned on my student loan I literally can't fuck it up.

I've been depersonalizing, dry heaving, and ofc boohooing about it all for so many days. I just want to shut down and not do anything anymore. I don't want to do anything atp. I just don't want to be stuck throwing up and dehydrated again. It feels so gross.

I want to talk to R about it. Disregarding all the extra shit we've been doing lately. Im putting all that bs aside for now. I know that she went through similar. That is it. I hope she's not too busy

[professormembranexreader]

Membrane x Step-Parent! Reader (Headcanons)

- You met him in the local drugstore.

- You both reached for the last bottle of cold medicine 😳😳😳

- After a flurry of apologies from both parties, you let him have the bottle, much to his displeasure

- "You were here first, take it."

- He had the kind of voice you couldn't say no to.

- Sniffling from the obvious cold, you gratefully take it from him.

- You mumbled another "sorry" and headed to the counter.

- You went up to the counter, him following behind you.

- The medicine was rung up and you sighed. "There is no way I'm going to be able to pay for rent tomorrow..."

- This caught his attention.

- "Hey," He said, "do you want a drink?"

- Confused but not about to turn down a free drink, you said yes.

- You didn't have to worry about your own car because you didn't have one.

- You paid for the medicine and hopped into his Jeep.

- The drive to the bar was filled with slow Mexican music. From the Spanish you knew, it seemed like they were love songs.

- The kind stranger didn't seem to fully understand either so you assumed he just thought it sounded nice.

- "Hey, um," I started. "What's your name?"

- "Oh, I'm Miguel. Miguel Membrane. And you?" You barely registered the last half of what he said.

- This was THE Professor Membrane. You know, the one responsible for saving the entire planet in Peace Day?

- Your mouth ran dry and you struggled to say your name.

- Membrane chuckled. And it was at that moment you fell for him.

- You ended up getting drunk at the bar and kissing him. You didn't really remember that night to well, but he did.

- After that you went on several dates.

- You received a lot of unwanted attention after the first date. Word spread fast in little old Caliente, Nevada.

- But you felt a deep connection with him. And you'd withstand any amount of attention if you were able to make this work.

- And, against all odds, you did. You got married—which was the talk of the town for days—and moved in with him.

- At this point, you had already met his kids, but they still didn't trust you.

- They were used to being alone. They didn't want some weirdo barging in on them.

- You tried to be a good parent, but they really didn't like you. Well, Gaz thought you were trying to entertain Dib's paranormal fantasy a bit too much (she thought you were faking it tbh).

- But she eventually came around after you showed your favorite games to play. She lost it when you brought up the MLP pony creator.

- It is now a tradition to go "ghost hunting" and play COD with the two of them respectively.

- You may have accidentally taught Gaz to swear in English. She already knew a few things in Spanish but now she can say fuck :)

- While Miguel thinks you're a bit odd for indulging his children, he wouldn't have it any other way.

- He loves that you three are getting along.

- How many times do I say that Membrane can't cook?! You're the one doing the cooking. No ifs, ands, or buts. Doesn't matter if you are a bad cook, you can't be worse than him. The kids, who are sick of takeout and food that tastes fake, love your cooking no matter how bad it may be.

- You totally have family movie nights on Saturdays.

- The overwhelming favorites are horror movies. Y'all have watched The Thing so many times.

- Each time Miguel says how unscientific it is. You can't help but laugh at him. Whenever it gets to the lab scenes, he criticizes each detail. It even goes down to how cluttered a real lab should be.

- A real lab shouldn't be cluttered but Membrane has no fucking idea of how that works.

- Let's be honest, everyone knows that he doesn't know how a lab should look. Hell, when he first showed it to you, he was PROUD of the mess.

- He is a mess.

- The whole family is in fact.

- But you are one too.

[nicistrying]

I've been on the go since 6.30am today but don't feel too bad for it! I agreed on Saturday to work delivery this morning on the condition that it would only be the delivery shift (8-12) so I'd still have a kind of day off. But at 11 one of the lads rang in saying he got his new timetable for uni and couldn't come in for his shift at 1 and bc I was already there and it was such short notice I ended up staying til 4 since it was for an actual unforeseen reason 😒 And tbh I'm kind of glad I did bc I got to actually have conversations with people I wouldn't usually, but man I'm so sick of how bitchy some of our staff are. They're literally acting like kids, it's like being back at school. It's ridiculous and I just feel so fucking awful for the manager bc he's the first decent and respectful manager we've had and people are just finding stupid shit to complain about and literally make up. Like people who don't do their job are complaining they're not getting as many hours, bc he won't give out hours to people who he knows literally sit in the canteen chatting for half of their shift. Which makes sense. It's shit though bc I'm friends with one of them and it's really awkward having him bitching on to me telling me his side and then the manager telling me his side and I'm just in the middle not really wanting to be involved. So that's not fun. Other than that though it was a good shift. I finished just as Matthew was starting work which is depressing bc I left at 7.45am and won't see him til 9.30pm. Called Nanna Mary to see how she was bc she got her first covid vaccine!! And then sat down to watch The Crown but was feeling really restless so instead I put some music on and had a good stretch and a little improv core & glutes workout. Idk if it's even worth me listing moves bc I can't remember reps or sets, I was just enjoying myself and trying to tire myself out 😂 I did discover I can reverse row my 10kg kettlebell though!! That's a huge strength gain, this time last year I was using a 6kg dumbbell! It's most likely thanks to my job but I'm still proud of myself! 💪🏻 Loving this Ben Hemsley track too if anyone is a fan of bouncy club music 💃🏼 I've had a hot shower and am now ready for a gin & tonic and pizzaaaa!!! 🍕

[fuck-customers]

Holy Shit Buckle Up Y'all

(TW: mentions of transphobia, racism, and self-harm)

A little backstory:

In November we hired three new people to help with our workload around the holidays, and we've kept them on. Two of them are very hard workers, have great personalities, and nice work ethics. The third, who I will be referring to as J.....does not.

She constantly asks to switch shifts instead of putting in for time off or changing her availability (said that its "inconvenient" for her to change it), if you're even a minute late to covering register for her when she's supposed to get off, she'll just abandon the register and clock out and then shop for thirty minutes, and she is constantly walking away from her post bc she's "bored" and "doesn't feel like working" when there are literally people in line.

So about two weeks ago, she scheduled for five days off. Sweet, shes learning. She then proceeds to call off the day before her five days and the day after. So now she has a week off. Dick move, but I can't say no one has done it before.

Her scheduled day back is a Wednesday. She texts one of my coworkers, P, and asks her to take her shifts for Wednesday AND Thursday. P agrees because she wants more hours, but all of us, including the managers, are irritated now. This is now nine days off she's gotten.

On Wednesday, I got a text from her asking if I could take her shift Friday. Now as of this point, I've been sick all week - hacking my lungs out, not able to breathe, but working bc we're short staffed (bc of her) and bc I need the money. I had Friday and Saturday off for the first time in MONTHS so no way in hell was I gonna take it. I just said no, firmly.

She continues to pester me, asking why, since I don't work Friday I should be able to, etc, and I kind of snapped:

Which, okay, maybe I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I was exhausted and frustrated and so sick of her getting to do this that I just couldn't take it anymore. I expected her to call me a bitch and then ignore me but hoooooo boy nope. (Names are blacked out) (and if this many photos aren't allowed feel free to delete this submission)

First of all, the racism comment:

She was buying cigarettes and even though shes a coworker, I have to ID her bc she's 19 and I can get fired for that shit. She told me she had lost her ID and asked to just put her birthday in. My manager said it was fine, so I did, and I made the offhanded comment about how she should get a new one so she didn't get pulled over by a racist dick while driving. We live in an area where the cops just looovvve to profile people (if you know Ohio, you know where) and I'd had that conversation with so many of my friends that I didn't even think about it, I was just concerned about her getting home safely to her kid. She didn't react negatively at the time, just said "oh I didn't think about that, thanks" and we moved on. If she had really had an issue with it she would have spoken to our managers, so clearly she's only bringing it up now to scare me. I just.....I mean obviously if I am being racist I want someone to tell me so I can fix my actions, but I didn't even think that came off that way in the moment. Maybe I was out of line, but the same thing has happened recently to my 16 year old cousin (he's fine dw) and so its been on my mind.

Second, no, I am not a manager. But aside from four other employees, two of which only work part time, I am one of the oldest members of staff (time wise, not age wise, I'm 23). So the managers put me in charge of a lot of shit, which means that I end up being in charge of people. Which apparently she did not like.

And third no, I do not have a kid. I'm not married, I don't have a partner, and I barely have the income to make half of rent with my roommate sometimes. I would not bring a child into this world if I could help it, and it pissed me off that she would imply that if I had a child, I'd be more mature. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that if having a kid makes you more mature, it clearly didn't work for her. I feel so bad for her kid; he's like two, and she's already constantly using him as an excuse for not doing things and not going to work. She lives with her mom and her boyfriend, so she has a support system (her mom is retired, and a very sweet lady). Like again, I don't have a kid, but all my coworkers who do don't pull this shit ever.

Anyway

I was physically shaking by the end of these texts, crying, because I HATE when people yell at me, especially when they know me IRL. And especially cause she was accusing me of some nasty shit. I sent them all to my manager in the least professional set of texts I'd ever written and then two hours later had to go to work.

My depression was up, my anxiety was through the roof, and as soon as our floater manager asked me if I was okay I burst into tears again. I showed her and the closing manager the texts and they were both appalled but then

They fucking started trying to "comfort" me by making racist comments!!! "Oh, thats just what her people are like" "you know she grew up in the ghetto part of town" "that girl is straight up hood" like!!!!

I was furious. I was so mad it wasn't funny, but they're my MANAGERS and i need this job and they're both old, so they don't think what they're saying is wrong. I tried desperately to derail it by saying things like "where she grew up had nothing to do with it" but they just kept going and I just....that made it so much worse tbh I just walked out of the office to do my fucking job.

A couple hours later, right as I've started to calm down, one of my coworkers started making really transphobic comments about one of our old coworkers who I'm still friends with, deadnaming her, saying that she's allowed to deadname her bc its part of her religion, etc etc.

Y'all I just....walked behind the photo counter and had a fucking meltdown on the floor. I dragged myself to the pharmacy to get their trash so I had SOMETHING to focus on and as soon as I got there the tech took one look at me and held out her arms and I just lost it again.

I go to my manager and basically just ask to do trash and go home. I was supposed to close, and I have left early only once in my life, when we were too dead to need me, but I had just mentally had it. I knew that if I didn't leave in that moment I wasn't going to make it to the end of the night without hurting myself.

She agreed, I finished trash, and got one of my friends to come pick me up.

My GM texts me the next morning (Thursday) and says she's giving me PTO for the hours I didn't work Wednesday night and for my day off on Friday. I almost cried again bc I was so stressed about the money.

Fast forward to a week later, today, and J still has a job, but she has now also called off 16 days in a row. Claiming she's still stuck in Texas with her kid (which was why she was asking to trade shifts last week).

I don't know how much longer my GM can hold out before firing her. I really don't.

Tldr; coworker asks me to take a shift for the hundredth time after calling out for a week, I say no (albeit a bit rudely), they start screaming at me via text, and I have a mental breakdown.

[zipp0flare]

Infection part 1

(So, this is an old relic piece back from when I first started playing Left 4 Dead. I loved the character and infected designs so much back then (still do, tbh) that I actually made several characters, whom I still love to this day. I only have stories for two of them, back from my deviantArt days, which is why this may look familiar. Anywho, this is the origin story for my Hunter, Luke (based off a GaiaOnline avatar I made one day, which is why the design choice is kinda funky.))

The rave that was so often filled to the brim with people on Saturday nights was close to being empty, mainly only filled with the loyal regulars that spent their free nights dancing amongst the music and flashing lights. A young male made his way to a small group of men gathered around the bar, some of which gave him surprised greetings.

"Whoa, Luke! Didn't think we'd see you here!" A man with a large, orange dyed mohawk called as he motioned the other male over. 'Luke' merely scoffed and sat down next to the man, as well a second man, wearing a ridiculous, tie dyed ski cap. "You know you look like a moron with that on, right Mal?" Luke asked, to which he received a punch in the arm from 'Mal'.

"You don't look any better. What's with the goggles, and the hood? Hell, what are you doing here in the first place?" Luke gave Mal a scowl, which only grew when the first man piped up; "Yeah, he's right. I mean, you have heard about the Green Flu going around, right?"

Luke leveled a glare at the man. "I could ask you the same question. I could ask everyone here the same question. I came here because I had planned to ever since Tuesday. But it looks like the hype about this flu has caused everyone to run for home with their tail between their legs."

Luke coughed into his arm, causing his two companions to inch back a little farther. "Damn, did you come here with it? What the fuck were you thinking?!"

"Vince, I don't have the flu, my throat's just been sore. You can calm down." Mal and Vince still looked leery. "I think you should go back home. You don't know if you're not infected, and none of us want to come down with the thing. I mean, I've heard some people are dying from it." Vince actually sounded somewhat worried, though it was hard to tell if the worry was for his friend, or for himself.

"That's just the media making this whole thing look worse than it did. Remember their last, so-called 'epidemic'?" Mal choked back a laugh. "Yeah, you boarded yourself up in your apartment for a week and a half. You thought the world was ending or something." Mal may have controlled his laughter, but Vince had begun to guffaw at the memory.

"And nothing happened, which made me look like a damn idiot."

"Yeah, you did look like a fool when you finally came out of your 'house of safety' with the fire axe you practically stole from your apartment building."

"Exactly. So, just like nothing happened then, everything's just going to go over in a week or so, and everyone will soon forget about the Green Flu." Luke raised a hand into the air with three fingers up, and waved to the bartender, earning a nod as the woman behind the bar got to work.

"So... you're sure your not infected, right?" Vince asked cautiously. "Yes. I know I'm not infected. I haven't even been near someone who's sick. Though..." His face scrunched up in disgust, to which his two friend gave him odd looks. "You remember my weird ass neighbor? Who lives in the apartment to the right of mine?"

"You mean crazy old hag Meri-something?" Vince received a nod. "What the hell did she do this time? Start up a story about her toe jam again?" Mal had to keep from retching when he heard Vince, even though he hadn't been there for whatever this story was, unlike poor friends. "No, not another toe jam story. I went to get my mail this morning and saw her walking my direction. I've gotten to the point where I wait for her to start going through whatever crap she's received until I leave. I stood there for two minutes and she didn't start rummaging through her mail. Instead, the crazy bat reaches over and bites me in the arm!"

"The fuck?! I knew she was out of her mind, but biting people?"

"I have no idea what was going through her freaky mind, but it was hard enough to break the skin." Luke rubbed his bandaged arm, currently concealed under his black arm warmers. "What did you do?" Mal asked, knowing that the story couldn't have ended there.

"I immediately elbowed her in the stomach out of reflex. She whined like a dog and took off after that."

"She broke the skin? Did you disinfect and all that crap?" Luke nodded. "I pretty much bathed it in rubbing alcohol, which burned like hell I might add."

Mal and Vince still looked disgusted with the story, thankful that neither of them had a out-of-their-mind neighbor that went around biting people. "Maybe you should head back home." Vince piped up after a few moments of silence. "If she bit you and all, maybe she's infected?"

"I'm sure the cause of that is from being out of her mind. I'm fine." Luke stressed the word 'fine'. "So, you wanted to come here on a Saturday, mainly only because we always do. You also think that all of this is just the media hyping things up a bit. I still don't see you going out, risking getting sick. You're the one who's always against that kind of-"

"It's nothing!" Luke exclaimed, startling his two friends, along with other people that were close by. "It's... just your normal flu."

"Dude... what the hell has your panties in a bunch? You're never this worked up." There was only silence from Luke, who seemed to almost be refusing to answer Mal's question.

"Maddie's sick." Those two words were so quiet that Luke's friends almost didn't catch what Luke had said. Maddie, Madeline, was Luke's five-year-old sister; she meant the world to Luke. "Maddie's sick with it. And if I start freaking out about this whole thing, I"m basically telling myself that my little sister's going to die." He bit his lower lip. "So, all of this is just nothing, alright?"

"... Sorry, I.. I had no idea, man." Mal apologized. "How's she doing?"

"She's currently in quarentine with CEDA. Or, that's what I'm being told." Luke coughed into his arm again, a bit more harshly this time. "I'm not sick, you can drop it." Luke knew what his friends were thinking and his words shut them up before they could say anything.

The bartender came back with his drink, but Luke could tell that she was keeping her distance as well. "Damn, why the hell is everyone acting like this.." He growled. Luke was hardly ever this agitated but Mal and Vince took it as him simply being worked up about his younger sister.

There was silence amongst the friends once more (minus Luke's coughing every few minutes) none of them knowing what to say. The silence was broken by a loud swearing from Luke. "They need to turn down these fucking lights. My eyes are burning from them!" His friends cringed, not expecting Luke's outburst. "Uh... the lights are the same as they always are. You sure you're oka-"

"I'm fine! Dammit, I'm fine!" Luke held his injured arm close to him, his fingers digging into it. Vince simply held his hands in front of him as if to guard himself from Luke's verbal lashing.

Luke's coughing seemed to have quickly and steadily grown worse, and he was beginning to notice a slightly red stain decorating the inside of his arm. Maybe he was seeing things though, his eyesight seemed to steadily be growing worse, and it was hard to think of anything with the pounding headache that had suddenly overwhelmed him.

Luke could barely make out his friend's worried looks, only seeing their lips moving while no sound came from their mouths, but the music in the background seemed to only be getting louder and louder, the noise assaulting his eardrums and causing his headache to grow worse.

As his eyes began to slowly bleed was when he fell backward and off of his seat, his head making a sickening crack as it hit the floor. Luke could barely see now, barely think, barely even keep his eyes open. "Holy shit! Someone call an ambulance, or something!" Mal and Vince had only become more and more concerned for Luke, giving him questions and suggestions, both of which went unanswered. None of that, though, compared to the panic going through their systems when their friend suddenly fell off the seat, bleeding out of his eyes.

"C'mon, Luke! You've been through worse, stay with us!" Vince exclaimed with frustration, trying to make things not at bad as they seemed, as he crouched down next to his friend. The bartender had already called 911, though Vince and Mal were wondering if it would do any good now.

When Luke slowly started to come to, letting out groans and what sounded like low growling, the duo's hope skyrocketed. It came crashing down, though, when Luke suddenly rolled off of his back and onto his stomach, crouching and growling at his 'friends'.

"Whoa, calm down, buddy... everything's alright.. you're going to be okay.." Neither of them had anymore time to say anything before 'Luke' pounced and attacked them both.

When the ambulance finally arrived, along with several people in hazmat suits from CEDA, they found the rave a bloody, gruesome mess. Several bodies were scattered on the floor and against the bar's counter. All of them were viciously torn into. "We need to block this place off. Don't let anything come out or into here." One of the CEDA workers commanded. While several people rushed to various parts of the club, a lone ambulance worker looked out at the horrific scene and sighed. His eyes turned down to see a man at his feet, with a large, orange mohawk, who looked even more torn into than the rest of the bodies at the scene. He didn't seem to pay much mind to the smeared blood trail that led away from the body, simply assuming that it was caused by the thing that had caused all of this. "God, this sickness is horrid..."

[tradedsymmetry]

Damn I wish I took a shower yesterday because I woke up feeling shitty today and so now I don't want to and if I just keep feeling shittier, I'll want to even less. When my mom got home from work last Tuesday (1 week ago today) she wasn't feeling good and only got worse and stayed home from work until Saturday. So I've kind of been waiting to see if I'm also going to get sick. I thought maybe I was in the clear, but my nose was pretty stuffed the first time I woke up this morning, and my throat hurts and I'm a little extra tired. But that could be because of the smoke outside from fireworks. We closed the windows when the worst of it was going on, but I opened my bedroom window eventually (well after midnight). So idk... Just sucks. I have (virtual) therapy in half an hour so I guess I better figure out how to give my throat it's best fighting chance of surviving talking for at least a little while. (My mom took at least 2 covid tests since she's been sick and they were negative.... But tbh that just doesn't really make me feel any better about anything at all because of the possibility of having enough of a viral load to be sick but not enough to test positive.... This just all sucks so much. But at least it's still a week until my first cousin comes to visit, and a few more days until the next two. They're here to meet a new baby (less than a month old) in the family so being sick is my worst fucking nightmare.)

[biipbop]

if you had to pick 5 songs to listen to in a 3 hour car ride, what would you choose? Please feel free to ramble in any/all of these!!

Leo by Eve

Modify by Doctrine Doctrine

Everything by Scrubb

Drunk by Isabelle Huang

La Posada by Sebastian Cortes

I very much live off of vibes and all of these just put me in such a great mental state. They're actually part of my "when your brain hates you" playlist.

Eve might be my favorite musician currently. He's actually been my top artist for Spotify for the past few years (Idk how many tbh). I will always push his music onto anyone who is willing. Dramaturgy and Kashingeki are tied for my favorite. Tokyo Ghetto was the first song of his I heard so I have that nostalgically love for it. But Leo just makes my brain go brrrr like no other.

Doctrine Doctrine is my current obsession. I can listen to all of Darlington daily and not get sick of it. I've been getting into seeeeecun's music. He got that garage band sound. That being said Miyashita Yuu's voice is perfection. Gives me the same vibe as Miyabi. Modify is the sound of my brain on serotonin, i swear.

My dirty secret is that I love corny asian dramas. I couldn't get everything out of my head after hearing Bright's cover of it. I think I might like it more then the OG. But then you hear the OG and you got that polka sound to it that reminds me of my childhood with my dad blasting mariachi and ranchero music at the ass crack of dawn EVERY. FUCKING. SATURDAY. as he started working around the house. I fucking love it.

I don't know where I first heard Drunk. But holy shit when I did I felt like howling like a god damn dog it's so good. I literally played it the second I would get into my car no matter how many times I heard it that day.

I'm a sucker for a good duet. Spanish to me is the prettiest language ever (Y'all i'm totally not biased). It gives me "my life is an indie movie" vibes. I used to like playing it while I sat by the window and smoked a bowl.

[transssexualheart]

oh my god I need to learn to groom my face for gender reasons. some days I want a clean shave but I fear I'll want it right back as soon as I cut it off. but I just saw someone very androgynous looking pulling off a clean shave and thick sideburns and I could totally rock that. my sideburns are the fullest part of my facial hair- I wish the rest would get to that level, but maybe after a few more years of hrt. I did start microdosing for a good while there, but I'm now back on the full dose (a little bit more this time, I think) and I think my voice might even be getting a little deeper again already too...but maybe that's just me. I want to grow a thick mustache. anyway I'm taking the day off today because I woke up at midnight to throw up painfully and I think it's because I might have serotonin syndrome because this dumb fucking doctor wanted me to take two SSRIs at once and told me to stay on both for the rest of the month and I've been feeling weird lately. I can't even remember how long ago I started feeling weird. I sort of feel like everything is in this dreamlike state and when I try to think of what life has been like lately it gets all jumbled up in my head. I confuse real life with a dream. I feel like I'm dreaming a lot. also, I'm really anxious lately sometimes, even though before the anxiety med was helping. I think it still is curbing the anxiety to some extent, but I feel some old fears returning, and I've retreated into freeze response when something stresses me out. also I have headaches a lot lately, they're usually pretty dull and manageable with aspirin and weed but often times I have this hanging lingering headache in the back of my mind and the front of my head. also, my brain just hurts. I feel fucking bad. also obviously I threw up. nobody else in my house is throwing up, and I don't really get sick. I have a strong immune system and I'll usually be the last, so if I'm throwing up it means something inside my body is off balance, either I put bad food or drugs into it, or something is wrong with one of my organs. seeing as how I already suspected mild serotonin syndrome, vomiting is a symptom, and I threw up everything I ate yesterday five hours ago, I'm going to call my doctor when they open. hopefully they open on a Saturday. I feel bad having called into work but I threw up Christ's sake... that's always my rule. I never call out unless I physically cannot get to work safely or I've thrown up. All other times I can make excuses for myself about how I'm probably fine because I ALWAYS feel like shit, I'm probably NOT sick, but if I throw up it's like... okay. fine. something is wrong. because even though it happens fairly often lately tbh it's not regular at all and sometimes its a stomach bug I finally caught, sometimes it's food I shouldn't have trusted, sometimes it's kidney stones, and maybe sometimes it's serotonin syndrome. these are all valid reasons to call out of work, but I just wanna work through anything. damn my father for giving me that attitude. there's no point to this post I'm smoking my bong and thinking thoughts here, just trying to get thru this brainweird. it's 5am, that's when my shift usually starts. I'm going to go back to bed soon

[paruecake]

1.08.22 - 10:22am - Saturday

Just a bunch of anxious rambling tbh.

Feeling like total shit this morning unfortunately. I think it's just a few little things that have piled up and now I feel completely overwhelmed.

Firstly, my upstairs neighbors came home at 2am and made so much noise. Their stomping is what woke me up, and their loud music is what kept me up. They drive me nuts so much. I fucking hate it !!!!!!!! I ended up moving to the living room and listening to the Howl's Moving Castle audiobook in order to fall asleep.

The thing that I'm most anxious about today is getting my covid test done, mostly because it's my first non-home test and I don't know how it's going to work. Thankfully at least the place has given a description of how to find the line/testing area, so that's very nice. I love when places are very specific as to how to get somewhere and give you an idea of what to expect. My anxious brain is always extremely grateful.

Unfortunately I told my partner we could get fried chicken afterwards, but the place we want to go is in an extremely crowded area and it always takes forever to find parking. There are also people darting around everywhere and it just feels like chaos every time we go.

Basically I think I'm just getting myself super worked up. Having one task to do is already something that I find stressful, and the fact that I now have two tasks back to back is making me feel sick. I'm also just feeling overwhelmed by a lot of emotional shit so idk. I know I'll feel much better once it's over, but I just feel like my entire morning is shot because I can't stop agonizing over these things.

Pretty much all I feel like doing right now is just laying down and staring at the wall. I don't want to use brainpower. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to think about anything. Idk I just feel so anxious and sad and I just wish I could put a pause on everything.

[marica-ya]

A local feminist organization that helps women with legal services messaged my business to request christmas catering and I am thrilled! But also very tired. But also really happy to make a delicious meal for them. I'm making roasted buttermilk chicken, tilapia in coconut, passionfruit, and tangerine sauce, bourguignon-masala tofu and mushroom stew, coconut rice, lemongrass rice, pear and lemon ricotta salad with a special local honey made by meliponida bees... And for dessert a cocoa butter pistachio crumble, lemon curd, and lavender vanilla whipped cream... The cream I got from the regenerative farm is simply amazing. I cannot believe it's so good, I wish I would have gotten three jars of it.

I'm gonna be cooking most of tha day lol. Then tomorrow is being a lil waterbag in bed day, then friday will be another session for the cooking classes for people with depression + christmas dinner at mine own house. We were gonna throw a bday party with my sis on thursday but we got new covid prevention mandates and parties are forbidden. My sister was really disappointed, this is our last 20s birthday! And the theme for the party was really cool. She asked her guests to bring a poem, comic, or short story of what growing up means to them. I was gonna bartend doing my cocktails and La Suerte but you know, global pandemic.

Tbh I actually wanted to go to Mindo for my birthday and just be in nature and meditate and eat at Cuyana. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it because my dad doesn't understand what medical rest means for OCD episodes.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and I'm so fucking grateful and amazed I found her. I told her how I've been doing and that I needed a work note since I had missed two days recovering from the anxiety crisis on saturday and she gave me the week off. I can't believe I found a doctor that understands psychosis as a the complex phenomenon it is rather than seeing it as a loss of sanity plain and simple. I am so grateful that I can talk about language and symbolism and frequencies with her and she Gets it. Can you believe it. A psychiatrist who understands psychosis in a way that isn't erasing and frustratingly simple. And who will give me a week off to take it easy.

Anyways, when I started cooking yesterday for today's catering, my dad asked me if I wasn't supposed to be on bed rest. I was like ? I think you should talk to my psychiatrist because getting a week off work to prevent worsening symptoms after a mini anxiety crisis and "resting" does not mean wasting away in your bed like a sick victorian child. Like sometimes it does but in my case that would not help. Then he said I was just picking things that were convenient for me and now I'm wondering if he's right. Maybe I shouldn't be working... I mean, at least not this much. But I'm going to have thursday, saturday, and sunday off... I don't know, I definitely feel I should relax a little bit. However I already committed to this dinner and cannot back out. Today is a food day which also means a valuable lessons day. I'm gonna try and get some sleep before starting the day officially.