#and tawan just... went under

[pharawee]

"tawan would have lived an ordinary but good life if he didn't meet kinn" excuse me Jane? Making me feel for that hoe??

No but seriously that's making me think and I think it's more of korns doing than kinn. Because everyone says kinn was soft until tawan betrayed him and yeah my brain doesn't have enough cells to be more coherent

Ohoho! I'm so glad you sent me this ask. I have so many ~thoughts~ about Tawan.

I mean, let's face it. Tawan isn't a good person. With the way he kidnapped and then kicked an unconscious Chay he might not even be redeemable (if he didn't, you know, die).

I have this headcanon that Tawan (in the series - in the book he's just ?? ???) led an ordinary life until he met Kinn. I mean, they met where? At uni? I bet Tawan was cute and flirty and ambitious, and Kinn was pretty much Mr Perfect. His lifestyle must have seemed so glamourous and appealing to an outsider like Tawan (because I don't think he was part of that whole mafia thing at all).

And I believe Tawan when he says that it all began to fall apart when some rival mafias started threatening his family (because all the best lies are told when you add a bit of the truth to them). I don't think Tawan meant to betray Kinn. I think he was just way in over his head and panicked. Which of course made him a liability and a threat. So yeah, you're right, Korn would have realised right away and made sure that his empire Kinn is safe. He probably thought it a kindness to let Kinn think that Tawan had always been a mole and that shooting him was the only choice left to him (because we know Kinn is too soft and would have never done so otherwise).

So, yeah, it might not have been Kinn's intention, and perhaps his only fault lies in being too naive and too blinded by love but, in a way, Kinn loving Tawan was Tawan's downfall.

And of course, that's when Vegas swept in and gleefully manipulated what was left of Tawan further until all that remained was blind devotion. Who in their right mind would even believe all of Vegas' sweet nothings? All it needed was a ring - which is such a simple and sad and very un-mafia-like thing. I feel like not even Vegas fully realised that Tawan was never cut out for all of that mafia stuff. In the end, it turned him into the loose cannon that we meet in the series.

That isn't to say that Tawan is a victim only. He's more like... collateral damage. Weak and very human. A tragic villain, at most. A very pretty and unhinged and amazingly acted one at that. He totally stole the show for me and sometimes I still make up little fics in my head about him before I fall asleep lmao

[suzteel]

Ok it’s own post because I am OBSESSED with the bodyguard lunch scene in this episode. It’s like literally my favorite scene. Like…even my face VP scenes don’t top this scene for me.

Ok so god where to start. Let’s just go from the beginning:

Pete’s “Disneyland!🤗” joke is so fucking funny. Especially after looking so annoyed while waiting for Porsche to wake up. (This poor man has probably had to help carry the new guy’s unconscious body twice in like a month. I would be put out too.)

The fucking music shifting from this very light comedic beat to a fucking alarm when Vegas shows up kills me every time. No subtlety at all. This man is a walking red flag and the show wants you to know it 😂

Pete being SO jumpy. So many people have talked about his jumpiness in this scene over the past year but goddamn, it kneecaps me every time thinking about it with the full context of his past.

The fact that Vegas has barely sat down before Kinn shows up. You just KNOW Kinn was in the other room trying to hide his longing stares while he thought about Porsche and so he immediately saw Vegas make his way to the table and was like “oh hell no, bitch.”

One again a costuming note: Kinn in gray robes with Porsche, Arm, and Pol on one side of the table, Vegas and Pete in black on the other side.

This cheese ad is the second funniest ad on the show (after the bread obviously). Bible’s smiles especially are just…insanely funny.

Honestly wish we’d had more Kinn and Vegas scenes. The tension in this scene is sooooo good. I also love how Vegas kind of lights up when he realizes hitting on Porsche genuinely gets under Kinn’s skin. Before that he was just doing what his father asked, but now he smells the blood in the water. And he’s looking to make Kinn bleed as much as he can. I adore him bringing up Tawan here. He’s probably been waiting so long for an opportunity like this one.

TANKHUN WITH THE STEEL PAN

Lord, do I have thoughts about Tankhun in this scene. First of all, 100% big brother protection mode here. He heard that line about Tawan; you can’t convince me otherwise, ok? Secondly, I think it’s the first time we really see the original heir Tankhun come through. He has no fear of retaliation for assaulting Vegas. You know, the scary guy who tortures people for fun. But this is the Main Family territory. It’s Khun’s territory. So he does as he pleases, even to the Minor Family. But the moment Vegas is gone, he shifts right back to spoiled, petulant Khun Nu.

And Vegas…leaves. It’s actually one of those super telling moments about how unbalanced the dynamic between the two families really is. Macau is physically assaulted in episode two, and the Minor Family has to demand the lowly guard who did it be punished (instead of just doing it themselves). Vegas is physically assaulted by Tankhun here, and he has to shrug it off and leave. It’s so easy to see how these kind of little indignities have piled up over the years, festering. The toxicity carried over from their parents.

I just…I love this scene so much. It’s tells us so much about these characters in such a short period of time, it’s so funny and dramatic. It’s delightful. And it was probably THE moment for me when this show went from “eh enjoyable enough” to “ok you got me, I’m hooked.” Fave scene, hands down.

[verynormalaboutkinnporsche]

E9 Scene 7 - Memory Lane

Tawan is massacring some t-shirts when Porsche arrives with his meal. Kinn brings Tawan's cell phone, which was found in the river but still works.

Tawan is delighted and looks through a bunch of pictures from their relationship days, irking Porsche no end. Kinn looks uncomfortable at first but then seems to be getting into the conversation until Porsche pointedly tells him he has a meeting. Alone with Porsche, Tawan eats his lunch and mentions how "familiar" it tastes.

What we learned:

Tawan and Kinn did a lot of traveling

My complaints about the timeline under the cut.

I know it's in the writers' interest to keep it vague, but this makes little sense to me.

How long ago did Tawan get shot?

It's established that Kinn and Tawan met in college. We assume Kinn is at least a little older than Porsche (who is 23 going on 24) because Porsche teases him about being old. That puts Kinn in his mid-20s at youngest; there's no reason to think he's fresh out of school. Even if they met near the end of their college time, that puts it 2-3 years in the past.

We don't know how long the relationship lasted, although Tawan refers to their first time seeing the autumn colors, which suggests it went on for at least a year. Pulling off a deception that deep for that long is already a stretch; that it could have lasted for multiple years seems even more unlikely.

I can't figure out a way in which Tawan's "death" shouldn't have been at least a year ago. Nobody acts like this is something that just recently happened. However, it also doesn't make sense that Tawan could have been lurking around the minor family waiting to be used for a year or more. Or that they found his cell phone after that long. Or that any information he had would still have been critically important.

It looks to me as if for plot reasons the writers want this to have happened a short time ago, and for character reasons they want it to have been longer. It annoys me.

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

The Chess Game

Throwing my immediate post-watch thoughts onto paper. I'm sure the fandom has thoroughly chewed all of this over long ago, but I enjoy the thinking-and-writing process. It's been a while since I watched something that made those bits purr. (I haven't gone looking for meta on the show yet because I wanted to sort out my own thoughts when I had just watched it - like I said, I'm sure lots of people have covered this territory!)

Having been pretty well spoiled for the show ahead of time, I spent the first half of the season trying to guess what Korn could actually be after by bringing in Porsche. His stated reasoning early on makes no sense, especially when you know about Namphueng, and nothing happens in the plot to support it. The only character who ever tries to buy Porsche off is Vegas, and that's only because he's obsessed with one-upping Kinn. Were the writers just making it up as they went? Would not be the first time I've seen that, I used to watch Once Upon a Time ffs.

However. Assume a method to the storytelling. What motivates Korn? Bearing in mind that the purpose of a system is seen by what it does, not what it claims to do, at mid-season the nature of the two houses, the buildings and the systems, started to make me think.

Korn is a controller type. His goal is stasis, to maintain the closed nightmare that is his family -- which includes the minor branch -- under his control in perpetuity. Gun isn't his opponent; he's a part of the system working the way Korn wants it. So why invite the chaos incarnate that is Porsche into a place where "we don't like chaos here"? Why bring fire -- the element that changes things! -- into your water-drenched world?

Because competition makes you stronger.

Korn lives for the exercise of soft control, for knowing that he's pushed someone to do as he likes without any visible effort, just a metaphor and an emotional knife, but how do you know you've actually got that unless you test it? The game doesn't start when all the pieces are on the board; the game starts when your opponent sits down.

That's Porsche. To make things more interesting, Porsche only has one piece when play begins - Chay, his king, who must be protected at all costs. After that, all he has are the pieces he can take from Korn, which he starts doing in episode 2 if you want to count Kinn's attraction to him, or episode 3 at the latest.

The characters and their roles as I see them:

Porsche makes friends among the bodyguards. Definitely pawns.

He gets Khun away from his TV pacifier, out to where real human things happen. I have assigned him a bishop role. For one, he moves slantwise to everyone else. For two, in the Austen-esque social milieu from which we get a lot of our romance tropes, in a family with three sons one inherited, one joined the military, and one joined the church.

Kinn falls in love with him. I went back and forth on his spot because I really liked the idea of him and Vegas as matched rooks, but I'm going with queen. In theory he should be the most powerful of Korn's pieces, if Korn wasn't a dumbass and Porsche wasn't so damn attractive. (Kinn loves people so damn hard, can you even imagine if Korn had let his son love him instead of whatever the hell this is?)

Chay takes Kim, a knight both on account of his relative freedom of movement and his position defending Chay, whose thematic role is to incarnate innocence. In both of the big fights, he fucks off and lets the rest of his family fend for themselves, and I love that for him.

Big literally dies for Porsche, earning himself the other knight role, that is some straight-up medieval romance.

Tawan by elimination is the queen's bishop. I'm not entirely happy with that position, although like Khun he is ummm diagonal to conventional sanity? His failure is due to Porsche's influence at a bit of a remove, since (if I followed this correctly) it was jealousy over Porsche having Kinn that led Tawan to messing up Vegas' plan? Whew.

In a move Korn definitely does not predict, Pete (now one of Porsche's pieces) gets promoted and takes Vegas out of play. Previously the most predictable character on the board lol. I'm leaving Vegas as a rook. An angry, angry rook.

That leaves Gun to take the other rook position, the piece Korn holds in reserve until the last possible moment because it enables him to try for a last-ditch castle maneuver when it looks like he's about to lose. Whether or not he succeeds is arguable.

Nampheung is Korn's king, the protected piece who makes no moves through the entire game.

And Porsche doesn't even know he's playing. I think the only character who has any clue what kind of game Korn is actually at might be Kim, and he doesn't know the whole thing.

Now, about the endgame.

Writing TV season finales is hard. You seldom know whether or not you'll have room for more story, so you have to tie up enough open threads to be satisfying while leaving yourself room to maneuver if you get another season. You can read this finale in at least three different ways, and I admire the freedom the writers left themselves while still providing something that stands as an ending.

When he fakes his own death, Korn is already almost out of pieces. He's got a pawn or two (Chan deserved a better boss), his king and his second rook. Everybody else is either dead or on Team Porsche. Korn's doing something he proves to be good at throughout the season, stalling for time. He repeatedly gives out a taste of truth seasoned with lies and sits back to see if it works. In this case, he uses the time (I'm fairly certain) to set up the attack on Chay, which if it had succeeded would have won him the game. It fails, so all Korn has left as a strategy is to keep on playing for time.

In the final confrontation, all Porsche has to do to win is take his mom and leave, but he doesn't know that. Whatever Gun was about to say would have changed the nature of the stand-off -- would have been something that could finally be objectively confirmed? -- so Korn makes the sacrifice play and kills him, continues to make him the scapegoat.

In terms of the pieces, Korn is now in the position Porsche was at the start of the game. Gotta love it. But where does that leave us, the viewers?

You can read the finale as Porsche having been checkmated. He and more importantly Chay have been subsumed into Korn's system and will henceforward be susceptible to his power. Note that I don't think that projection is particularly in character. Since Kinn and Porsche are together, the two-house system is effectively dead. Porsche twice affirms that his loyalties are not with any branch of the family but with Kinn personally. Show Kinn an option that doesn't mean his family gets killed, and he is out of there. The whole setup that Korn constructed is a shambles. But that's a lot of inference, so if you like the tragic aspect, I think the reading can be found.

You can read it as Porsche being in check. He and Chay are in a staggering amount of danger now if you think about it, but he hasn't necessarily lost the game. He has not lost Chay, who if anything seems to have solidified his other defender (and the one character who, like I said, might actually have been able to give Porsche some advice in S2 -- I'm so sad.) He still has a lot of his captured pieces. What's more, he knows where Nampheung is, and it will be difficult for Korn to disappear her again. Given that she never speaks, her expression does a lot of work in their last scene together; you can read it as there being more happening underneath than she lets on. This one is my preferred reading; they didn't give Porsche the phoenix motif just because it looks cool.

You can also read the ending as a stalemate or indeterminate in that neither player can do much right now, and it's one of those stupidly long endgames that drag on turn after turn. Porsche still has Chay etc., but right now there is no way for them to get Nampheung free. Korn is out of other pieces, but he still has her. Korn might be thinking at this point that as long as he has her, he can resume his manipulations, get back a few of his lost pieces (or recruit new ones). He keeps the game going by giving Porsche the minor ring, knows from Porsche's own example that it is possible to play right up to the point of a win from this position. He might be absolutely loving this?

So there are my thoughts on the chess metaphor.

[m-a-w-a]

Vegas was never dying.

Here's what I think:

Vegas is not a complete idiot. He was wearing at least some bullet-proof something something under that cleavage-showing shirt. He's a weapon trafficker. Not a moron firing a machine without even some protection. That would made Tawan the smartest person of the show. Think about that.

Vegas is a complete slave to his image. He has to look the part. So. No proper bullet-proof vest or anything. Just a little bulletproof undershirt. Enough to stop the bullets from penetrating, not enough to keep him injury-free.

One of those bullets did go through the shirt. Hence the blood. But it did not go far. Hence the absence of a bloodbath around him. It hurt like a bitch getting shot and he definitely broke some ribs. Internal bleeding too probably.

Vegas has a taste for theatrics so when he went down from those three shots he received he banged his head on the floor and got a commotion and that's why he was unconscious when Pete freaked out.

Proof at stake: him getting shot 3/4 times being alive and well a month later with even less bandages than Pete in the safe-house

I do not reject the idea that someone tried to finish up the job while he was hospitalised which prolonged his stay and delayed his conversation with Pete.

I am 100% making that up to justify myself not getting there when I write post-canon.

Prove me wrong.

[snickerdoodlles]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

(prev) hmm, maybe Hair-Trigger? like, it got a good response, i'm very grateful to everyone who's read it ❤❤❤ i don't mean in a 'im looking for more hits' sort of way, i just really love Porsche & Kim as a duo and spin them around in my head like a shiny rock all the time. this mostly manifests in me spamming tortoise with Kim & Porsche snippets and thoughts that never seem to flesh out into proper fics, so Hair-Trigger has a special spot in my heart because it's my one finished Porsche & Kim fic and I want everyone to look at Porsche being extremely fond of Kim and Kim feeling all sorts of things about how fond Porsche seems to be of him (surely???? this is a trick????? he is so nice and smiley????????? a mystery)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i like them all!! i genuinely enjoy all "types" of comments for different reasons, it feels weird to rank them against each other. so long as the comment is excited to engage with me/gush over idiot nerds together, i'm excited to answer and chat with them (although, i am. very behind on my inbox rn. hjghjg im sorry friends, i promise i will respond even tho it might be v late 😂💦)

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

I've actually been rewriting a *checks date* 5.5 yr old yoi WIP (*winces*) for a while now. very slow as my attention gets drawn away, but i love epistolary fic and there's a funny satisfaction without pressure to re-writing it.

but the story rewrite that actually has been sitting on my head for...forever really, is my ft story Jinxed. i was very new to fandom/writing fic when i first posted it, and at the time i'd just posted what i wrote and then went "...wait, how the fuck do you write a multi-chapter story???" and i really psyched myself out of posting more for it.

however, it's always like...sat in the back of my head, even after the fandom bullshit and when ft went to shit. because i just...don't like soulmate/soulmark AUs. ���� the reasons behind my dislike for the trope are uh...kinda long and extensive actually, so i'll save that for a different post if anyone cares enough to ask, but the premise in this story of two girls with mismatched timers who fall in love and choose each other anyways is one i'm extremely drawn to. and i'm still like, figuring out how to write long stories, and i'm never going to write again for ft, so whenever i look over the old story drafts and notes, i'm actually thinking about it as an original story. not one i've started and maybe i'll stumble into a fandom that i want to apply this premise to, but...after i figure out long-form stories, i really want to swing by this one again, if simply to have it stop haunting my brain every few months.

(rest under the cut because i am rambly lol)

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

hmm Silver for Truth is the obvious one since i whined about it taking a yr+ to write, but i think everyone understands when i say Tawan is an annoying ass bitch to write.

i'm actually going to cheat and say the freezer!Kim WIP i'm writing with @majestictortoise. there's a few different POVs in this story and one of them is Porsche's POV, and there is something about Porsche's POV specifically that i find very hard to capture. even when i know what i want from his arc and character struggles, post-canon Porsche carries around some conflicting beliefs and mindsets that i find really tricky to write, plus he's also a guy of action who's been forced to a standstill and i want to capture that trapped feeling without making it obnoxious. he's just tricky to me in a way that other characters aren't. (i actually ran into this issue with Hair-Trigger too, except it wasn't so hard because that's a fic about him Doing A Thing He Wants To Do, which is why i was able to write it within the timeframe i did. oh Porsche, ilu, why do u stick in my head so. orz)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

everything? idk, my reaction after i post a fic is to either Stare At My Inbox or desperately try to distract myself from the fact that i Posted A Fic, which really go to show how secure i feel about my writing 😂 i try very hard not to let a fic's reception get to me when i post because i've been down that road and it's really bad for me. all fic i post is fic for me, but i haven't hit the carefree attitude of "idc what you think, its for me first and foremost" yet.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

there's nothing that makes me want to give up on writing specifically. i wail and cry when stuff isn't flowing right, but like. so i had an irl thing run me over like a truck april/may of this year and it's bullshit kept spilling out through june and july too, so i had like no time or energy to write or even spend much time on fandom stuff for four months, and i went absolutely bananas. i need to do something creative to feel good, and writing is my favorite of those.

posting...posting is a different story 😂 weirdly if im chasing the high of posting a fic/the high of comments on fic, i dont like to post as much. the hill in my head is too much to get around, so that ig.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

*points up*

also prev

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

...this is such a weird question lmao (not u, the person who made the question list should have deleted this). i've always found writing as a good way of examining my internal biases and preconceptions i might not have otherwise had opportunity to find and reflect upon so clearly, and i'm going to leave it at that.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

fuck if i know what my writing style is 😂

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

*curls up in more shy* hmm, i really like reading my own stories. like, i always have cyclic periods of "oh god this is garbage what the fuck was i thinking" feelings for each of my fics, but i know now that feeling is brief and it'll be gone soon enough and it will stay gone longer than it comes. the person who reads my stories the most is me, and the fact that i want to go back to read them again is really important to me.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

i don't think i linger so much on the actual posting of the fic, but i return to my fics a lot and i've also started paying more attention to how much i post. i'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that i posted stories vs "oh god, im not posting ENOUGH," but back at the turn of this year, i was really bummed that i didn't get as much posted during december as i had set out to do, specifically because i felt like 2021 had been a really strong year and i'd let myself down not finishing as many fics in 2022. then i actually checked my AO3 stats for 2021 to 2022, and realized i'd posted 4x as much in 2022 than i had in 2021. over 100k words altogether even!

i think i'm getting off topic, but between rereading my own stuff pretty frequently and trying to get a better grasp on how much i've actually posted vs what's in my head, i think i celebrate pretty often? idk 😂

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

characters!!! everything's built around the characters. i love worldbuilding, making up worlds is a lot of fun, but i worldbuild through the lens of "what am i interested in?" (which starts with characters) and "how does this affect x?" (because if it doesn't matter to/affect the character, it shouldn't be a priority to me). similarly, plots exist for me to put Specific Guys Into Situations. a plot can be objectively interesting, but i'm not going to stick to it if i don't care about the people going thru it, my brain just doesn't focus like that.

the actual writing of the story is lowest priority on my list. there's a lot of writing types i don't like, but i can muscle thru a lot in the name of a good cast or plot. similarly, i don't give a flying fuck how pretty or polished a writer thinks their sentences are, if the actual story is boring or OOC, i am not reading it. or i am reading it and bitching extensively in friends DMs, which is worse. 😂

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

honestly, hard for me to answer because i'm actively trying not to think about what sort of response i do get. i guess one that still amuses me quite a bit is the response to my fic Shining Dishonesty (howls moving castle AU for haikyuu!!). i love this story to bits and i really love the comments i have on it, but it's weird/funny to me because it's my most recommended and mentioned fic on twitter, but it's one of my lowest in terms of kudos & comments. idk what's up with that 😂

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

*big shrug emoji* nothing that comes to mind???

maybe Silver for Truth, just a little bit???? everyone got the message of "get fucked Tawan" but there was also a little more pity for Tawan than i'd expected. like, not really, because Tawan's annoying, but i don't know that everyone quite caught Khun's trap for Tawan in it. Tawan could've completely turned things around for Vegas and ruined Kinn's lie by confessing his own failures/betrayals and accepting the consequences, except Tawan puts himself before all others, even someone he claims to love.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

honestly? i don't remember the specific writing issues once something is done. even for something that takes me a while to write. usually my writing hang-ups are related to irl stressors. Pitch It was an extremely hard fic for me to write, but that was because it had a deadline attached to it while i was also trying to come up with money for a new car after my previous one was totaled 😂 and while i approach all stories with a vague plot in mind, it's purposefully vague so i can adapt to where's best for the story to go. that's the part i look forward to the most when writing lol.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

lol i don't even have to sort my stories to know which one is my least number of hits/kudos. it's by dawn's early light, which i wrote for the bnha myths zine, and it is literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written. there's some stuff i would've done differently now, but i liked it when i finished it, i liked even thru that fucking project's mess, and i liked it enough to post it after the project was finished, and that is probably the highest praises i can give that particular fic.

(this response probably doesn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't participated in a zine before and i'm not going to burden you with context if you haven't, but like. trust me. that's saying a lot 😂)

🍭why did you start writing?

to make a dick joke. i haven't changed.

💎why is writing important to you?

it's just fun. i really like doing it and i really like connecting with people over it/through it.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

i re-read the story about a bajillion times in that first week. you'd think i'd be sick of it by the time it's posted, but the satisfaction of having finished something changes the way i read it and i just bask in that.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

another terrible question in this otherwise nice questions list.

i like it, so i do it, and i'm lucky enough to have made friends through it.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

i'm excited if anyone wants to make a podfic of my work and i give general permission for it, but it's not something i seek out specifically. i have very bad ears, it just doesn't really cross my mind.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

*points up however many questions ago* it's very fulfilling for me and i like it a lot. i'm lucky enough to have also made connections to others by way of writing, but first and foremost is i enjoy the actual act of it.

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

maybe? idk, i leave comments because i like to leave comments. i like hearing back, but its not like im leaving a comment looking for that. wrong mindset for this question, u know?

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

*sighs* this fucking questionnaire maker lmao.

responding to fics is fun for everyone. it's a great way to make new friends if that's the fandom experience you're hoping for (same goes for responding to edits, art, etc). if you're anxious to start talking to people or leaving comments or whatever, take the babysteps you need to try to push and expand your comfort zone. and be gentle on yourself -- there's no "right" way to interact with fandom, and you don't have to be perfect at what you want to do right away either.

but if that's not the way you want to interact with fandom, you don't have to. there's nothing wrong with "lurking" and frankly i care about my stuff being enjoyed (even if i never hear about it!), not the ~proper~ way to be in fandom or whatever. furthermore, my healthy fandom experience is regulating and maintaining my own reactions to the reception (or lack of) i get when i post so that it stays fulfilling for me, and that's how i create my healthy fandom experience.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

mostly i look inwards to see what exactly im dissatisfied with and examine why. there's plenty of stuff that i wish had a bigger reception, but i focus on things that i can control (what im happy with in a story, what i enjoyed about the process, talking about it more in my own blog space so people can choose to engage or ignore, etc) and push myself to that framework of mind. the worst thing you can do is focus on things you can't control, especially something as random and fickle as other people's reactions or a post/story hitting the trend wave just right.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

timeloop AU!! (prev)

timeloop AU will be 3 chapters + an epilogue. first chapter is Kim POV, the second one is Big POV, and third is Chay POV. Kim is the first one trapped in the timeloop. Big joins him later. Chay never does.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

in my fic Single Star Review, Khun goes to university and then starts seeking extra therapy help. i am Extremely excited for this one, but one of my favorite-favorite parts of it is Khun dismissively says "it's not like i can call Kim and gossip about boys" and Flop (the therapist, no that's not actually his name) asks Khun "why not" and Khun stares through a wall for a solid three minutes realizing hey, he CAN call Kim to talk about boys actually.

-later that night-

Khun: Kim! Kimmy-Kim my littlest kin! forget your other plans, tonight we are painting our nails and gossiping about BOYS

Kim: what the fuck

Khun: my therapist thinks i should try talking to you about stuff

Kim: THERAPIST?!

Khun: THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART HOW DO I HANDLE HAVING A CRUSH

(Kim is, ofc, over the moon and extremely excited when his brain catches up with his ears, even though he's a total little brother about it.)

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Red Line fic is the first installment of a 4-fic series (tortoise is laughing at me for thinking it'd stop with 1). mostly because it immediately dived into one of my favorite variations for how Chay kills Korn.

Korn's death is not a fix-it.

[returning-spring]

First lines fic meme

thanks @owlpockets for tagging me!

rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

Though Tawan has been dating Kinn for over a year now, he’s never been permitted to move in with Kinn. give a little, get a lot

Under normal circumstances, Kinn would never step foot in a place like Hum Bar. dream of molten gold

Tankhun has always liked dolls. love and other ways to break a doll

“Porsche, get closer,” Tankhun said, gesturing at him from behind the camera stand. occupational hazards

“There is a man in the cells,” his father says to Vegas, “and he did something very bad.” take your kid to work

When Martin had been a small child, he’d loved the idea of writing letters. somewhere paper

Luo Binghe is a dreamer. like spring grass

Just as the day dawns, Shen Qingqiu is called away to an emergency meeting of the peak lords, before his husband can even get up to prepare them breakfast. proper etiquette

On weekends, Zhou Sheng usually went out for a run in the morning, leaving Yu Hao slumbering in their bed. the words are held within

The hour neared midnight when Zhou Sheng called Yu Hao. every day seems a little longer

anyone can play the game if they want! @petesbubblebutt @blackwatervial @asterdust @luckydicekirby @toomoonfic

[slonekaru]

I posted 6,258 times in 2022

268 posts created (4%)

5,990 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@crazzzedope

@scarefox

@spicyvampire

@smittenskitten

@rocktheholygrail

I tagged 4,100 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#love in the air - 552 posts

#kinnporsche - 463 posts

#payurain - 298 posts

#boss chaikamon - 293 posts

#noeul nuttarat - 282 posts

#vegaspete - 258 posts

#zhang zhehan - 254 posts

#build jakapan - 221 posts

#bounprem - 221 posts

#between us the series - 207 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i like to think in the boc kp universe since leather cuffs weren't used at the safe house they are vegas/petes choice for sexy fun times

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

You know I've seen a few posts on Porsche bring Pete to the bar so Vegas can speak to him. How this was the wrong thing to do, or how he's fallen into the moral grey area of being in the mafia as he is only thinking about himself and getting the info he wants from Vegas, but not thinking or caring about Petes' feelings/mental state.

But you know what, I'm going to give this one to Porsche. No doubt some people will disagree but I honestly thought Porsche added 2 plus 2 and actually got 4. And lets face it that is a miracle in itself with this series unless your name is Tankhun!

Why do I feel this way when others don't?

Porsche knows Pete's been with the minor family, despite Pete's denial. He also knows Vegas penchant for torture, that there is the first connection. He knows Vegas did this to Pete since Pete has turned up in the state he has.

And the way I read it he was watching Pete struggle with his emotions in that bathtub and recoginsed something in them. Because it wasn't that long ago Porsche was struggling with his own emotions when they were waring inside of him about the fact Kinn had sexually assaulted him when he was drugged vs the fact he was actually attracted to Kinn and did want something to happen, he just wasn't ready.

Also Porsche is completely familiar with Vegas's tactics by now, he knows Vegas uses emotional and sexual manipulation. Porsche was on the receiving end of that and he got a first-hand look at the outcome of it via Tawan. So it's not far-fetched that he makes connection 2, something emotional/sexual happened between Vegas and Pete.

How did him and Kinn move forward? Well, they talked it out. Sure they had to be handcuffed together and go trapsing through the woods, but that is how he settled his emotions and it wouldn't surprise me that in his mind Pete needs the same thing.

Cue a call between him and Vegas and Vegas 'requesting' to see Pete. Because that is the phrasing he used as Porsche was walking away from Vegas in the back alley of Hum, he had a request.

Porsche could have easily not brought Pete, he could have easily stuck to Petes' side and not allowed Vegas a chance to get near him. But as he said it was down to Vegas from there. And Pete is still a bodyguard and capable of defending himself (after all he was carrying and pulled the gun on Vegas).

Maybe Porsche decided this was the time for Pete to get that opportunity in a safe environment, where he could walk away if he didn't want to talk and it is away from the rest of the main family where Pete is trying to hide what happened to him.

And let's face it Porsche was right because Pete needed a genuine apology from Vegas, which he got. It's then up to him if he wants to accept.

So in summary it seemed like Porsche was hella perceptive and understanding of Petes' feelings. He actually cared a lot about helping Pete and is just worried about his friend.

208 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

#4

You know I thought this was innocent at first but then my brain went 'wait a minute!'

Is Noeul making a joke/alluding to the sex scene?!?!?! And Peat damn well knows it as well!

266 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#3

I can't believe Payu rocked up to Rains

Talked himself into the house

Got Rain half naked right under his moms nose

Charmed Rains mother over dinner

Made out with Rain in his childhood bedroom right under his moms nose again!

Somehow acquired Rains moms phone number while doing all the above

Called Rains mom to request Rain come over for a booty call!!!!

And got away with it all!

The Balls on this man! Capital B!

361 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#2

No one: So Slone what were you doing when you found out the Queen had died?

Me: Watching a bratty baby sub getting railed for the first time by his newly acquired Dom. Why, what about you?

430 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Like I love the fact that out of all that has been happening in Kinnporsche there is a big chunk of the fandom obsessed with this guy

850 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[telomeke]

[Transcript of the subtitles:

*reads comment* P'New is in the cast too. Which P'New? Really..? P'… P'New is in the cast too..? You mean P'Newwie!? Really?? Oh wow, how did you know? I have no idea! Really!? Wow! "It's on wikipedia"? You guys, come on… Come on… Wikipedia can be edited. You can even add Bruno Mars to the cast. He's listed on wikipedia, you say? No but, it'd be great. If there's P'New, it'll be even more fun. "There was news about it." Which news!? Did you read fake news? "It was posted by reporters." Which reporters!? Which news agency? Seriously?? Hey, I had no idea! Honestly, no idea at all! Is this true? "There was press news." Okay, I'd better ask P'New about this. Yes yes, I'm down for it. If there's P'New too, I'm totally, totally down for it. Let's have P'New be the third wheel. Yeah!! P'New will be the third wheel, like… So like, after Pathapi fell out of public favour, and Aou took his place, P'New would become Aou's manager. And Aou is the bad guy that tries to get rid of Pathapi, there! While P'Newwie is a good-natured manager. He still has to take care of Aou, but he's aware that Aou has bad intentions– "P'New is a doctor." There goes my fanfic. That's it. My fic just flew out of the window. Doctor? Which doctor? There's a doctor in the story too? We aren't staying within the social circle of reporters? You meant fortune teller? (Translation Note: both 'doctor' and 'fortune teller' start with หมอ/mor) Oh okay. So, Pathapi lost his #1 position to Aou, right? Pathapi is like, what should I do now? But when Tamtawan comes to help him, he's like, doesn't like it, doesn't want his help. Like, you're just here to cause me trouble, I can't trust you, there's no way you can help me regain recognition… So he gets very stressed! And develops anxiety. And goes to therapy. Doesn't get better. So he went to see a fortune teller. And the fortune teller tells him to go make merit, to pray at temples here and there… And takes him to those temples. How about that? "It's the mor that cures people." So is it 'fortune teller' or 'doctor'? Ohhh, mor that works in hospitals. Mor as in doctor, then. Then he's a doctor that meets Pathapi after he had an accident, right? Mmm… I've got it! In that case, let's see. Pathapi was looking for Tamtawan, who disappeared from his life, after Pathapi got his popularity back. As he was on his way, he got hurt by bad people. Because he must've reported some major news that got him recognition again, right? He got hit in the head. Pow! Car accident. Pang! Et cetera. Bleeding. Goes to hospital. Goes to hospital, where P'New is a doctor. P'New takes care of him. And so, the scene where he opens his eyes the first time after a long coma, he sees P'New. He sees P'New. And also he has amnesia! Can't remember anything! So he's under the impression that P'New has helped him and is his lover. HAH! The plot thickens, here we go. Amnesia, you know. He remembers nothing. Now Tamtawan- No, Pathapi becomes very fond of P'New. Tamtawan, being kind-hearted, is like, it's okay, I just want you to be cared for, If you truly love each other, I wish you happiness~ But then P'New, also good-hearted, is like, hey, no, and gradually tells the truth, like, it is you two who belong together- Yeah. And then, a doctor assistant walks in. "Ter, let's go home." Played by P'Tay Tawan-

End subtitle transcript.]

‌

P'New & The Ex-Morning (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ *The Ex-Morning is listed in New's filmography on wikipedia; there's been no official confirmation yet.

[irenedrew]

You know what, if no one is gonna say it, I'm gonna say it...

I think some people are misunderstanding Porsche actions right now. He said: this is for Tawan and this is for Pete, aka the persons Vegas got intimate with. "He didn't tell me but I could guess" Here Porsche is clearly trying to say to Vegas that Pete didn't snitch on him, that he was loyal. Porsche saw that Pete was really bad, but also understood that he didn't want to throw Vegas under the bus, in fact, he was willing to lie about it, not just to him but to Kinn too, and even beg not too keep asking him. Porsche sensed that Pete really needed to talk to Vegas, and Porsche perceived that in Vegas too, just by looking at his face when he meet him on the alley and asked him why he was helping him. Porsche even went aggressive bff mode like, if you hurt him again YOU DIE!

[myulalie]

KimChay is not a romance, not really, and that’s okay!

Let’s rewind to their first meeting, from Kim’s point of view.

He’s been promoting his faculty to high school students and some of them are really big fans, among them Porschay. It could be surprising to meet people who have paid so much attention to what you put out on Youtube, and flattering.

I know I always appreciate it when someone notices all the little details in my writing… except does it happen? Honestly, it’s more of a couple of people whom, put together, notice most of the little things.

I think my best friend could pick up on everything after a careful read, but she’s my best friend, and she has been for more than a decade, has read probably everything I’ve written and talked things through with me more often than not. She’s an expert in my writing because she’s been involved in the making of it.

Porschay is a stranger, and by the looks of it, he’s not a casual fan. Kim might find him cute, might be flattered, yes, but I’ll assume Kim already knows better than to get involved with fans. Although on the surface Porschay is just asking for guitar lessons, in practice he’s inserting himself in Kim’s daily life, and that’s a big red flag, no matter how genuine Porschay is.

I’ll mostly analyze Kim’s point of view in this post, so I’ll state this now: I am operating under the assumption that Porschay is a teenager with a crush.

Porschay does dumb things like one, and he does it genuinely, acting in good faith, and without ever realizing that it might do him a disservice. He’s just a boy in love, and I adore him for it. What he loves is an illusion, just his perception of WIK, but he’s genuine and his feelings are real (although misguided).

I know Barecode’s acting is not everyone’s cup of tea but I particularly appreciate the realism of it, the fact that neither he nor the show shies away from the second-hand embarrassment. I think these stories, told the way they are, need to be told and I am grateful for it.

Anyway, so Kim got a red flag on their first meeting, and upon finding out that Porschay is related to Porsche, I imagine Kim might be worried that Porsche and Porschay are playing the long game, even before Porschay appeared on Kim’s radar. What if Porschay came to open house day “as a fan” and reached out not just for shirt but a guitar lessons because he’s a threat to the main family?

That’s two red flags, enough to make Kim wary and a good reason to investigate, that’s for sure. He has, after all, seen Kinn go through a similar situation back in college with Tawan.

Fast forward to their second meeting and the song about Porsche. One, Porschay doesn’t seem to have a clue about Kim’s real name, much less his identity (or he is one hell of a good actor) and two, I assume Kim was pleasantly surprised. He liked the song enough to play along (plus his worries had been assuaged when he didn’t find anything incriminating in Porschay’s phone).

As I said earlier, Porschay is wholesome and has not exhibited any sign that it could be just an act to fool Kim. At that point, Kim might be relaxing, lowering his guard a little and think it’s a good deed to give Porschay what he wanted (guitar lessons). Kim can only encourage him with the song so that Porschay gets something out of it, it’s only fair.

There is also a possibility that Kim relates to the song itself (we see him bantering with Tankhun and he might even have looked up to Kinn at some point, they do look kind of alike).

Now, the fact that Kim meets with Porschay again can either be an excuse to spend more time with Porschay (they did connect over music after all), or legitimately making sure there is nothing incriminating at Porschay’s house. Either way, he still went out of his way to get Porschay a guitar even though he doesn’t really need the gift to get in the house. Maybe it’s a way to redeem himself for approaching Porschay under false pretenses, it could compensate for the manipulative aspect of their relationship.

Either way, with Porschay’s distress that probably raised his suspicions, Kim still snoops, thinking Porschay is hiding something. Of course, he doesn’t find anything except for the WIK shrine.

I am torn here as well because at first, it feels like ego stroking, but Kim doesn’t actually stick around or try to stay in touch with Porschay after telling him to write a love song about Kim himself. He might think he’s doing Porschay a favor, but I don’t think the assignment is a weird way to redeem himself. Kim tries to discredit Porschay’s feelings by telling him he’s never been in love. although it’s not a stretch to assume the song will only strengthen Porschay’s feelings (whereas confessing, especially to be rejected, would help him move on).

I don’t think Kim wants to hear how wonderful he is though. I reckon he might have been digging to see how genuine Porschay was about his crush, to see how it holds up when under pressure. Obviously, Porschay passes with flying colors.

At this point, Kim lost interest, more or less. When Porschay finds him to play the song, he looks fed up, he seems done, but the song does get to him. Once again, Porschay connects with Kim through music. A confession does that to people as well, even if you’re not interested in someone, hearing what they like about you and how they feel about you makes you think, it sparks your interest (as illustrated later with Kim thinking of the song and writing his own).

Kim got tangled in his own net, basically, fishing for information and trying to catch a liar, he caught feelings instead.

Still, Kim doesn’t give in and keeps avoiding Porschay. Even the handmade pick doesn’t put a smile on his face and the kiss could be a gesture of kindness or a way to shut Porschay up, I wouldn’t exclude one nor the other.

I’d even argue that the kiss isn’t necessarily romantic because kissing someone who has a crush on you on the cheek is nowhere near reciprocating their feelings. I’d even be willing to treat a kiss on the mouth as platonic if you don’t return their feelings. Actually, I could make a case of it being cruel as well (he’s setting Porschay’s hopes up), but since Kim does smile during the hug and somehow stays at Porschay’s overnight, I’m going to assume he was either indulging Porschay (and potentially himself) or trying to assuage his own sense of guilt over the situation they find themselves in.

It might be a misguided attempt to let Porschay down gently.

I like the idea that Kim doesn’t quite know what to do with feelings and makes mistakes, actually. I could… not quite agree but understand why one date seems like a nice way to let Porschay down. It might be a way to experiment as well for Kim, I’m not sure what he’s been up to in his teens but seeing his mother died at some point in his childhood, his older brothers are in no place to enter romantic relationships due to trauma and you know, being a mafia prince as well as an influencer… the odds are high that Kim might not have much experience with love, and a lot of misconceptions.

With that settled, let’s all admit that hearing a proper “I love you” confession in this context (even without the mafia family issue) would freak anyone out.

Calling Kinn after the abduction looks more like a twisted sense of responsibility after that, and Kim is not graceful about it when he makes a run for it. He was, after all, about to leave before Porschay got kidnapped, and left right after the rescue.

Which brings us to Porschay confronting Kim and asking about his feelings.

While Kim openly admits to have approached him under false pretenses, he doesn’t commit to rejecting Porschay. What is he sorry for? It’s certainly not a rejection proper, he could be sorry to have feelings for Porschay, sorry that he doesn't reciprocates Porschay's feelings, sorry to have taken advantage of Porschay’s, to have lied…

It does imply that whatever Kim feels, he’s not willing to pursue anything with Porschay. He’s pushing Porschay away.

He might not even be willing to confront his own feelings yet (guilt? love? who knows?).

I imagine Porschay might have confided in Kim about the debts and how difficult it was growing up for him and Porsche, and Kim could only draw one conclusion: Porschay wants nothing to do with the mafia. Rationally, it’s also worth mentioning that Porschay doesn’t do well with distance and isolation. Kim does seem to like his time alone, his job is time consuming (whether he’s superfamous or not, it takes precedence over his classes and family) and he’s not overly affectionate, Porschay would suffer from that.

Porschay is defenseless which means his life would change drastically and he would still be at risk if Kim pursued a relationship with him. Even though he’s already a target because of Porsche, he’s mostly concealed and being with Kim adds another layer of visibility and all the more reasons to target Porschay (who will not stay home like Tankhun does).

At this point, when Kim seeks Porschay out, it still feels like a misplaced sense of responsibility. I don’t doubt he genuinely thinks Porschay wasted a good opportunity, but when he physically tries to drag Porschay away, I believe he’s trying to bring Porschay back to “before” (being innocent, being wholesome, being a good boy).

When faced with resistance, Kim says something along the lines of “whatever you do now, it’s your decision” (also note the pink line on the wall, could be a heartbeat line, music, or a thunderbolt for conflict, so many lines!). I’m not 100% sure I trust the English translation and at first I didn’t know what to make of it. It felt like calling out Porschay for what? Being a heartbroken teenager and lashing out? It took some time for me to decide on an interpretation.

I think Kim states that Porschay can’t blame him for the mistakes he makes now, even though he’s hurting, he’s not under Kim’s influence anymore and Kim is not responsible for self-destructive behavior or risk-taking. It’s an interesting point to make, and it sounds like a “this is me” statement. Porschay met Kim, the real Kim, he knows everything now and it’s up to him to make his own, informed decision.

Being turned away would also hurt Kim's ego as well as his feelings should he have them for Porschay, hence both respecting Porschay’s wishes by not interacting at the bar later while still reaching out to him by text. Especially since Kim blames the mafia side of him, he doesn’t want Porschay to interact with this part (which could have influenced his actions when he turned Porschay down after the abduction).

They’re on even footing now, and Kim is willing to interact, he’s worried and he misses Porschay. He realizes/accepts his feelings and what he lost, but he’s still operating under the assumption that he has the upper-hand (asking Porschay where he is sounds controlling, it’s still one-sided and maybe, just maybe, Kim is the one attracted to an illusion, his perception of Porschay as this sweet, caring, blinded by love boy).

This reversal makes even more sense with Kim looking at pictures of Porschay (much like Porschay had a shrine for WIK). Kim keeps finding pictures of Porschay and messages about Porschay’s feelings, occasionally a picture of them both, but Kim doesn’t interact with the real thing (Porschay) because he’s turned down (at the club, and doesn’t receive a reply to his text).

The montage for their memories together includes the recording of Porschay’s love song and Kim looks about to cry in this scene, I’m not sure what to make of it, could be a projection of his feelings now as he watches what could have been, a window into the soul does fit the scene after all.

I find interesting that all this pictures were taken by Porschay and scattered in Kim’s space by Porschay himself (Kim finds one on his guitar, so he obviously didn’t put it there). It’s symbolic in more ways than one (Porschay leaving bits and pieces of himself, leaving an impression, the ruins of their relationship, a broken heart… plenty of metaphors), and Kim picks them all up for safe-keeping. A bit late, but still something!

Eventually, it comes down to “agape”, a demonstration of selfless love, the kind that doesn’t expect anything in return. The highest form of love, literally spiritual in nature as it transcends sexual implications.

Porschay is none the wiser about Kim protecting him at Yok's bar and a month later, Kim reaches out with Why Don’t You Stay. The one thing they connected over throughout the entire series was music, and Kim uses this to communicate what he wants, what he needs. I’m not even going to mention the lyrics, I think they’re a perfect illustration of the highest form of love from above.

Of course Porschay breaks his heart by ignoring the video, but still!

KimChay is not a romance, there is no happy ever after for them (yet).

KimChay is a love story. It’s about learning and growing, standing up for yourself and taking responsibility for your actions. It teaches them both a valuable lesson about themselves and love (be it loving themselves or someone else).

I find immense joy in reading their relationship as one doomed to fail, but ascending to something more as they go from loving a picture perfect perception of the other to agape.

How powerful! How empowering!

[ghcstvalleychief]

i just saw your post about vegas being a bad mafia boss and i was like "finally someone who thinks that way as well", ive been seeing posts nonstop about how he would be better than kinn and im like how???? or even talking about how vegas "outsmarts" kinn all the time and maybe im missing something but i cant see it? vegas has been doing The Most against kinn and nothing is working out for him lol? like kinn still runs the main family (under his father ofc), he has survived like 15 murder attempts, got a new boyfriend, discovered who the mole was and only lost one bodyguard in the process? like rip big im sorry we were so mean to you but considering everything that went on thats a pretty good track record?

I think it's a matter of people not wanting to give credit where credit is due. People hate Kinn, so they're not gonna admit that he's far more competent than some people give him credit for. I know everyone has a hard-on for Vegas. Which I get because he's gorgeous but... being pretty doesn't mean you're smart. Being pretty doesn't mean that you're more capable either. Vegas has to rely on plain manipulation to get what he wants because he doesn't have anything else to use otherwise.

Vegas is a hothead, through and through. I don't want to rehash all of this out because you guys know how I feel. But I wish someone would name a single time that Vegas had a plan that legitimately worked. Vegas slides in when Kinn and Porsche are either physically or emotionally distant from each other and he often takes advantage of that distance. Does Kinn make mistakes? Yes. Does he piss me off by being an asshole sometimes? You bet your ass he does. But I would never say he's incompetent when we all know he's not. I don't care if people don't like him. I care that people refuse to admit that he's a far better leader than they want to admit, despite them not being fond of him in the first place.

Is it possible that Kinn may be too soft for that lifestyle? Again, yes. However, what makes someone a good leader is their understanding and acceptance that they could always be doing more. A good leader is harder on themselves than anyone else could be. A good leader sometimes falters and loses faith in their own abilities because they fail to save everyone. Vegas doesn't care about anyone but himself and possibly his brother. How would someone like that be a good leader? A good leader still has to give a fuck about their people. Yes, Vegas may be your little murder meow meow or whatever but he would make a shitty leader. I like Vegas as the villain that he wholeheartedly is (even though some people would claim otherwise) but I'm not gonna pretend like he cares enough to lead an entire group of people when he wouldn't even care if those people lived or died. Big was loyal to Kinn and it lead to his death and Tawan was loyal to Vegas and it lead to his death, and the reactions from those two men were vastly different.

[heyninja]

Kim and Vegas and Narrative Foils

OK, OK, so first and foremost: yes, Kinn and Vegas are set up to be the primary foils of each other inasmuch as what it looks like to be the scion of a mafia family. Now, if you're really, really lucky, with a good ensemble cast, good writers, and a complex plot--you might get more than one foil at a time. And KinnPorsche is absolutely doing that right, left, and center.

And I think that Kim and Vegas, as they have been shown so far approaching romance, are meant to be narrative foils for each other.

To get it out of the way: this does not mean that I dislike Kim (or honestly Vegas, he's very compelling) it just means that there some narrative meat to sink my teeth into and I am going to be the meta I want to see in the world.

So some good ole compare and contrast action!

Kim and Vegas will both allow or encourage other people's feelings in order to open up opportunities for their interests.

Kim wanted to know more about Porsche, in the interests of mole-hunting and his yet-unexplained murderboard, and Porsche's less prickly younger brother is probably the best bet for intel. Kim had a sense that Chay was a little starstruck, and then after his little trip through Chay's room absolutely knew that there was an in there that he then encouraged: little bits of affection, private lessons, assigning a love song rather than any other genre.

Vegas tries to be the person he thinks Porsche wants, based on various interactions (and probably some mole intel)--he tries to show that his world is closer to Porsche's world rather than the rich castle he's been in with Kinn: Vegas is accessible, sensual, and offering touches of freedoms he thinks Porsche-who-can't-follow-rules would desire.

How Kim and Vegas handle people who have served their usefulness is completely different.

Kim did kinda ghost Chay, but it's shown in small moments that he thinks of Chay fondly. That he even still thinks of Chay at all. And he could keep the lines open, just here and there little moments, if he wanted to, and Chay would probably just be thrilled. There is no tactical benefit to kissing him, to falling asleep with him, that did not exist before he did those things. He did his best to stop Chay's abduction, and he personally made sure Chay was safe. Even though it's clear he was trying to cool the relationship with Chay, Kim's personal feelings are evidently there, and he is letting them influence him a bit.

Vegas...well, Vegas cultivated the entire relationship with Tawan as a revenge against Kinn. He's already admitted that what he wants is to take Kinn's things. And so he took Tawan. Even bringing Tawan back, to try to confuse things, to do whatever plot he had planned before it went to hell--Tawan stopped mattering the minute he said yes to the plan. Vegas put all his attention after that on trying to steal Porsche (and uh...you know, cutting Kinn's legs out from under him in general, but right now it's a bit difficult to know what's Minor Family trying to take power and what's Vegas's personal envy exactly right this second). And when everything just went straight to hell, he turned on Porsche to make him part of the fall--just to take more things away from Kinn.

So why do I keep harping on this.

So we've made it through roughly 3/4 of KinnPorsche and the show has consistently taken BL tropes and storytelling devices and either outright smashed them or taken a step to the left. The writers are good. They are rewarding us every step of the way, and frankly this is one thing I want to see them get credit for as well--that they've layered this narrative so well that there's more than just a single foil for each protagonist and then off on our merry way.

This plot is complex, the characters are complex, this show is full of narrative coils and loops and fun things.

What I want to see is Kim forcefully breaking his narrative foil tie to Vegas. Vegas wants what he can use, and then he prunes back anything that doesn't Serve. He never gives up power willingly.

This narrative is so complex that I don't expect anything nice and neat, but I'd like to see Kim taking it hard that Chay hates the mafia, what the mafia has done to Porsche, and that Kim wasn't entirely truthful about himself. I want to see Kim having to be emotionally vulnerable to Chay, someone who very much expects that you say the words you mean and hates liars, and I want to see Kim have to meet that standard.

Again, I do not think Kim is a bad guy--he loves his family and he has his reasons--but Kim has been in a relative position of power this whole time: so I'd like to see him do what Vegas would never do. I want to see Kim give Chay the power that he so far has been denied having (through ignorance, through circumstance). I'd like to see Kim actually chase Chay, actively work to get back in his good graces, actively work to be the person Chay clearly thought he was (minus the mafia things). And writing him an adorable love song back wouldn't hurt.

Honestly I think setting up this small situation of Kim and Vegas being foils is fantastic.

It gives us all the chance to see more of Kim's personality, and it shows off the skills of the writers to layer these things in. I just wanted to say something because it isn't actually bad that the parallels caused viewers unease--foils often are meant to prick at you until the plot at the heart of it resolves--and it doesn't mean that we think Kim is necessarily a bad person.

But it is good to look at how the narrative is setting up Kim versus Vegas as two people who make use of the power they cultivate in their (shown) relationships, and how the narrative is resolving that duality. And maybe this will help someone out there who felt some unease about Kim and didn't know why, but still liked the character--hopefully this helps?

[verynormalaboutkinnporsche]

E5 Scene 9 - Hum Bar

Things are so bad that Hum Bar is powerless to help Porsche. He looks a little happier behind the bar, but his affect is still withdrawn, way off from usual. An attempt to distract himself with one of his previous-style hookups is a failure.

As they are loading Khun into the car at the end of the night, Vegas rolls up. Porsche shows more animation than he has all day.

What we learned:

Interesting given Porsche's motifs that the drink he makes his friends is on fire (I just realized that he one he makes for Kinn in E1 involved flame, too)

Porsche is a sucker for a pretty motorcycle

Vegas has zero shame ("if something ever bothers you from now on, you can think of me" you brazen SOB, love it)

E5 Scene 10 - Same Problem, Different Place

Kinn's attempt at distracting himself via sex with someone else isn't going any better than Porsche's. He's really unhappy to hear that Porsche is hanging out with Vegas right now.

If you day drink for long enough it turns into regular drinking, which is perfectly fine.

Porsche, having had a truly terrible couple of days, is feeling valid and cared for with Vegas, which he very much needs.

Kinn has been waiting for him to get back, a totally normal thing to do with respect to the guy you are trying to convince yourself you aren't down bad for. Having a gun nearby, ditto.

You are trying to tell me they can't be trusted?!

Porsche gets demoted under Ken. Porsche at this point is desperate for one thing, and that's clarity. He's a survivor, he's a risk-taker, he can handle being physically hurt, and he'll lean right into a gun, but on an emotional level he needs to know: was he completely wrong about Kinn just a few days ago? What the actual fuck is going on?

Which clarity Kinn is incapable of providing because he has none himself. He's in emotional self-defense mode, trying to convince himself that he doesn't care about Porsche in the first place, repress all Tawan-related emotions, pretend that he isn't doing anything wrong, there's probably something about his relationship with his dad in the mix--anyway, nothing about any of this hurts, and it's completely unrelated that he's furious about everything right now.

Really.

What we learned:

Kinn being angry drunk.

It's not me, right? Vegas was thinking about going in for a kiss there? Porsche would have been good with it? Bro went with a hug instead.

[prapaiwife]

One more thing about ppl getting on my man for forgetting pete, first of all look at what he just wa went through u all saw he literally got tawan again caught up with his family in which he lost a bodyguard (big I miss u) and almost could've lost Porsche, his brother calls him after who knows how long its been and puts him back into danger of this life that his brother cleary tries to put behind, he feels bad that he cant be a better boss he already feels like hes not doing enough and beats himself up for it, cleary kinn had no time to process anything!! Back to him and pete technically him and pete talked BEFOREHAND about this he LITERALLY said do u want to get yourself killed pete knew what he was getting into he knew he may not come out of his mission alive or even possibly hear or see him again he knew that he was prepared for that, and kinn trusts pete as he said before that he possibly thought pete had it under control and he will show up JUST BECAUSE he didnt acknowledge him doesn't show how he doesn't care about him when he told him he didnt think he should go in the first place, Remember what he told Porsche he may have a hard time showing it but he cares for his ppl next episode he will most likely remember and will do all he possibly can to get Pete or even see if he made it out in one piece cause he knows pete is loyal to him and his family that's all I have to say just my opinion lol

[bitacrytic]

Power imbalance in a relationship is not a bad thing as long as its negotiated.

The novel is based on BDSM relationships (whether its badly depicted is an entirely different thing, but that's D*emi for you). You can't judge BDSM relationships based on normal (equal balanced) relationships.

Porsche is grown enough to decide whether he wants to leave Kinn or not, he's done it at least 2 times during the show. Porsche is not obligated to date Kinn and Kinn doesn't treat any of his bodyguards like he did Porsche, meaning, he's only been an asshole to him incited by his father. Porsche is not a kid and can hold his own and has always done his own thing even when being told not to (that's literally the entire argument between Kinn tin hatters and Porsche defenders).

If Porsche has gone from "my life is mine" -> "my life is yours" it's because Kinn, at the beginning, did not earn nor was deserving of Porsche's respect or obedience.

@/lutawolf has posts upon posts explaining their relationship from a BDSM point of view.

: Porsche being a brat submissive who needs their Dom to earn their respect and obedience. Apo explained his opinion on Porsche wanting affection and to belong to someone in reference to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I think its pretty clear that Kinn and Porsche, as characters, are content with the D/s power imbalance even if it isn't explicitly shown on screen.

The real problem is Korn who holds the (unwanted and under negotiated) power over everyone.

Like I said, Porsche was not hired to be Kinn's boyfriend, he was hired to be his bodyguard, he's not obligated to stay as his boyfriend.

Fans need to stop infantilizing Porsche as if he's a damsel in distress incapable of defending himself and setting boundaries as if he isn't a mouthy little shit since the beginning and didn't slap the living shit out of a dangerous mafia heir in a bathroom half naked.

Please 🙄

Like, the entire show is based on power imbalance for all the couples; already the socioeconomic situation of Porsche and Chay set up that premise before the romance even began.

If it isn't fans' cup of tea, that's fine, but not everyone sees having a rich boyfriend whose also your boss as a bad thing even if there is a power imbalance. Thus, the D/s relationship between Kinn and Porsche.

My point is, there isn't anything inherently bad with a power imbalance in a relationship. Kinn and Porsche's problem hadn't been (except in the beginning, but obviously, they'd just met.) about the power imbalance, its about mistrust- mostly incited by Vegas and Tawan. That's it. Not the relationship, after dating, itself.

Ummm, Anon, I'm sorry, but I disagree with you. Anyone is able to like or dislike whatever they want about this show. I do not have to like Kinn to enjoy him as a character. I do not have to accept every bit of Porsche's behaviour to love him the most.

Now, Porsche's boundaries would be a sensible thing to take into consideration if they were actually enforced. Porsche said no, so Kinn took his house. Porsche left the mansion in ep5, so Kinn went after him. Porsche chose to go with Vegas so Kinn shamed him for it. Over and over again. And then when Porsche left a note telling Kinn that he would be coming back, what did kinn do????? He ignored it and ran after Porsche.

I'm not infanitlising Porsche. I'm pointing out that Kinn doesn't listen. Because you might say he changed, but the note was in the 13th episode. Kinn heard Porsche ask him for a moment and he said no. He ignored that boundary, even after they'd agreed to trust each other. Which would be terrible on it's own. But when you include the power imbalance in the relationship and Kinn's history of wanting to possess Porsche???? What does that say about the strength of Porsche's boundaries?

Power imbalances could be healthy, but what we have between these two is far from it. Let's not pretend. You can like things and still point out how bad they are.

As has been pointed out on this blog, Porsche made his decision in the finale. Yes, he left Kinn. But he came back. I've also made a post about how Porsche accepted that he belongs to Kinn. On his own. Unprompted. He said it himself. As an adult. I accept that.

I do not, however, have to like it.

I do not agree with most people's takes on BDSM relationships on this show. Mostly because I am very uncomfortable giving powerful, abusive people the dominant role in a relationship. It's not for me. I do not like it. I will enjoy the show and follow Kinn's and Porsche's journey, but I do not have to like every part of it. Anyone who likes everything in every relationship on this show? Good for them. But I find that humans aren't perfect. I do not expect them to be. But I will still talk about it.

Even though I hate the power imbalance in this ship, I still ship them because:

1. The chemistry is 10000/10. Mile and Apo are working with witchcraft levels of chemistry here

2. The badassery they both exhibit on their own. I wish we'd gotten more fights with them on the same side.

3. Because I love Porsche and Porsche loves Kinn, so I am following his romantic journey from enemies to lovers like a sucker.

However...

As you've said, Korn's power over Porsche/kinnporsche ship is unwanted and under negotiated. You phrased that as a bad thing.

So, please, point me to the moment before the finale where Porsche and Kinn negotiated the d/s roles in their relationship. Because, as far as I'm concerned, everything that happened before that conversation in the final scene was abuse of power. From ep1-14

Now, you can go ahead and see Kinn's behaviour as sexy and dominant. That's fine for you. But what is more infanitlising than attributing every bit of Porsche's behaviour to submission or brat behaviour? He agrees, he's submissive. He argues, he's a brat. What? Porsche is his own person. His entire being shouldn't be summed up to d/s.

Porsche had to lie about Yok's health to get out of the mansion. Does that sound like evidence of good negotiation to you? If your friend was making excuses to visit you because his "dominant" boyfriend wouldn't allow it, otherwise, would you think that was alright?

Please, no.

So yeah, some of their problems stem from Kinn's inability to trust Porsche. But you will never convince me that that is the only problem. Because Kinn's need to possess Porsche BEFORE Porsche agreed to it, plus the power imbalance, have played just as big a role in all their problems as trust issues.