#and stress more often than not makes me have a huge writer's block

[lunaetis]

[ i'm starting to feel my stress turning into a writer's block so i'm going to try to break it somehow bc i don't want it to be full-fledged writer's block or else it'd be stuck with me for A LONG TIME & I'M GONNA SCREAM IF I CAN'T WRITE. ]

[ashlingiswriting]

the nations favorite writer - offer us any advice? going through a writers block rn

oh god i’m so sorry this took me so long, things got crazy for a second and i forgot �� thoughts below!

here (1, 2) are a couple posts that seem pretty helpful, but now i’m just gonna talk about what helped me with my last bout of writer’s block because i can still remember it in detail

again this is all just my own observations about myself because that’s kinda all i have—i’m no expert

i had too many other things going on and i did need to cut down on other hobbies a bit (in this case, i had to cut down on rp) because those other things all were...relatively small tasks and they took less time, so my brain would often go “hey what about this short and rewarding task vs this long and intimidating task?”

which goes hand in hand with training your focus—i think my phone really does impact that in a bad way. reading books helps with training focus, as does muscling through. i know muscling through goes contrary to a lot of advice, but it helped me. because a lot of times, i would start writing a scene and go, ‘wow, i hate this!’ but knowing that i didn’t have another idea of what to do, i just kept going until i realized why it felt wrong. and there were like...four or five different breakthroughs like that when i was writing my latest chapter. just ‘OHHHHHHHHH’ moments that i got to only after writing like a thousand or more words that i would not end up putting in the fic. it is NOT always like this but if you’re really blocked, sometimes it’s just cause you’re writing a genuinely emotionally complicated and crucial bit and your brain has to go down the wrong path a few times before it figures out the right one

part of that is figuring out what you feel about your current scene? like, sitting down and writing a certain scene, i would go, ‘no, this feels wrong, i don’t like it, i hate it’ and sure enough my instincts were right. it WAS bad. it was bad because it focused too much on the logistics and details of a side plot when i didn’t want to waste all that precious real estate and audience attention on something that was not connected to the core of my story. but i didn’t fully realize that till i was done. it was still good that i’d written out the long version, because it laid out all the information i needed (plus a bunch i didn’t, but still). idk. i love editing more than writing on a blank page. i love cutting more than i love creating. this may be a me thing.

could also be something went wrong earlier on, like your actual scene idea is quite good but you didn’t lay enough emotional or plot foundation for it to hit as hard as you want it to? reread your previous bits of fic and see if you can find the problem there?

i think peer pressure and/or friendship are huge for this—i don’t mean peer pressure as in ‘silly anti-drug advertisements where all the cool kids try to make you do weed’ i mean ‘hanging out in a community of writers & artists and/or with friends where there’s an atmosphere of people lowkey always working on their craft, whatever that may be’. because truly i think it helps keep writing top of mind & sort of normalizes the emotional struggles. plus the camaraderie is really nice! 

my current home of choice is the narcos fandom discord (which is only about 25% about narcos fandom at this point lbr) but i know there’s a ton of different places out there to be a fic writer in community with other fic writers, so take your pick. i will say that not every community is perfect and i think the ideal community strikes a balance between participation & low stress—that is, people support each other but they don’t feel like they have homework-reading they have to do that they’ll get penalized for not doing? yk? i’m rambling whoops

plus, getting a friend that is willing and HAPPY to talk through the fic with you—an editor, a beta reader, something like that—is a godsend. truly without bellinitini/narcolini i would literally not have even published chapter one of my current longfic. but the key is to find someone who genuinely is interested or who is willing to do a bit of a swap; you help them with theirs, they help you with yours.

and then there’s the audience for longfics, which may or may not apply to you. cannot lie, rereading comments, even for previous fics that are unconnected, is extremely motivating! maybe that’s just me! (i don’t think that’s just me) on that note, if you’re feeling real desperate you can always reblog ask games about your WIPs so that you can interact with your audience a bit?

you could always try to take in more art—that’s usually pretty refreshing for me. canon review is great, but taking in other stuff (fictional books especially) can make your brain start thinking in different ways, especially if your brain is a bit spongy like mine and tends to absorb little bits of other writer’s styles if you chug a lot of them. you could try to find books that deal with the same setting, the same themes, or the same relationship dynamics.

so for example, i read colorless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage by haruki murakami in prepping for my next chapter of richiefic because richie references it in season 2. and genuinely, reading it made me understand his character a bit better. but i also have a character going to prison, so i have read some of the works of george pelecanos (the novel drama city and several short stories), because pelecanos deals with the justice system in a way that i think is admirably clearsighted, not melodramatic, very honest. i’m fixing to reread some of the parade’s end series because ford madox ford is, to me, one of the greatest of all time when it comes to complicated conversations where two characters are completely legible to the audience—completely understandable—while struggling through emotionally complicated conversations with each other. and i am about to try and get some more books set in women’s prisons + books set in modern day chicago. reading stuff with the context of “i’m about to write something related to this” is such a good way to read stuff, too. just feels really good and sometimes you need a positive feeling when you’re struggling through the depths of depair i mean writer’s block.

movies and tv are good too, though imo they’re not as helpful. i...personally avoid reading other people’s fanfic like the plague if they’re dealing with a specific pairing whose longfic i’m struggling to finish.

just putting it down and coming back in two-three weeks sometimes helps. couldn’t tell you why.

and finally. you could always drop the fic. it feels shitty for a while, but if the muse has genuinely left you for good, you deserve to enjoy the freedom instead of just like...struggling onwards indefinitely. this has happened to me with longfics before and it always makes me sad. but sometimes there is genuinely nothing you can do, and in those cases, forgive yourself <3 this is a hobby, after all

my top three recommended tactics, without knowing details of your situation, are: talk with a friend/editor, take in more art, muscle through. in that order.

i hope that helped??? i’m very sorry about your writer’s block, it’s the worst thing in the world. and i’m sorry that it took me so long, i need to be more organized

[villanevehaus]

Thank you so much for answering all of those questions. I really appreciate you taking the time!

All of that makes a lot of sense, especially the show don’t tell. Now that you’ve pointed it out, that’s a big part of why I love reading your works so much - I can clearly picture everything without the character telling me something.

It seems like so, SO much work goes into your stories (like 2 full time jobs worth of work) and that’s incredible. Your process is really interesting. The way you outline is fascinating. Have you ever made a huge change like halfway through? Or had an event that you wish you included?

I’ve never thought of writing future scenes and kind of going back to where the characters are at now and making sure they get to said place in the future - that’s so brilliant!! Okay, last question for now, I promise. Do you ever get writer’s block or lack motivation to write?

Thank you so much for letting me pick your brain. - anon33 ❤️

You're very welcome, I appreciate the curiosity! And ngl I think until you'd asked, I hadn't fully realized how much I put into my stuff, so... thank you also for that!

I'm really trying to rack my brain in terms of if there have been huge narrative changes and I really can't think of any!

I think because of how my writing process kind of fluctuates between 1. rigid scenes (often canon scenes from the media I'm pulling from- Black Swan, Bound, etc- that I can't change a lot) that are just malleable enough for me to add my own stuff to, 2. scenes that are entirely my own, always driven by a necessary beat of some sort, and 3. how to tie those together, I kind of end up almost having like. a mental map of sorts? Aside from moving some stuff around to better fit the beats ('this makes more sense in ch6 instead of ch5, then it feels less drastic when this other thing happens in ch7' kind of thing), I'm usually pretty on the path I've set out on.

I feel like I might be overcomplicating this a lil bit BUT you're the one asking questions so I'm assuming you're okay with extra answers: aside from whatever beats I'm working on, I don't really plan out my original scenes, especially when it comes to dialogue. I don't go into it with a plan that Eve will talk about X, Y, Z, and then Vil will say A, B, C, I tend to just see where the conversation takes them- even in TME's case of therapy sessions I don't have a plan beyond the character beats.

- Eve is beginning to trust Vil, but not enough to be entirely honest about anything they haven't already talked about. Her walls aren't down, but they're a little lower when it comes to certain things that (in Eve's mind) have been established as safe to talk about with Vil.

- Vil is starting to figure out how to pull at whatever darkness she perceives within Eve without accidentally getting herself shut out. She respects when Eve says 'next question' because she knows from experience that she won't get what she wants if she pushes- that pushing will do more harm than good... but she still wants to pull.

Even within BB too!

- Eve feels comfortable with Ox, but she's so unused to being asked what she wants, what feels good for her, how she thinks of things, that that's what's stressing her out. She's juggling being with a woman for the first time (something she's very new to wanting) and being truly respected for the first time.

- Ox wants to be with Eve, but she also wants nothing more than for Eve to be comfortable. She knows that Eve has some hangups about being with each other, and doesn't want her to 'go along with it' just because Ox wants it.

So when it comes to dialogue or scenes or both, that's what I end up using more than Plot Stuffs. If I know that Eve isn't ready for something, she isn't ready- and I'm not going to make Ox push her on it for the sake of speeding up her being ready because that's not how that works!

As with literally everything, TME is a lot more complicated. If I know that Eve won't talk truthfully about her addiction, and the dialogue I'm working on veers toward that topic, then I write Eve according to her current beat- she's not going to suddenly decide she's actually going to be honest just because I, the writer, have decided that it's 'time' for her to be honest for Plot reasons. That feels unearned, and also not in line with the story/Eve! And with that, I can play with some fun conversational stuff: if Vil pushes too far, that impacts Eve's level of trust down the line. If Eve opens up, that gives Vil more insight into why she opened up.

This got both long and complicated but I think what I'm rambling toward is ultimately saying that I write the plot around the characters, not the other way around- so if the plot changes at all, I see it coming because I am shaping the bones.

In terms of events I wish I'd included the only thing that really jumps to mind is in Eve Undone: Vil apologizing to Eve for being shitty about Niko/Hawaii, but that's in Meteor/ites now, so!

For the writer's block/lack of motivation question: short answer, no...? My current grammarly streak is 59 weeks, something I am not sure how to feel about ngl! I hesitate to call it writer's block since I actually can't think of a day that I've gone without opening docs (lol) but I do find that being able to bounce between all my WIPs is massively helpful for if I'm feeling stuck. Two TME documents (TME proper and the 'holding cell' of scenes from chapters I haven't written yet), BB, Meteor/ites, and Undoing are all really different headspaces, styles, etc- if I'm not feeling 50s fluff, I can hop over to the Astankohva's and see what they're up to, if that's not working then how about we check out something from TME Vil's past?

I've talked previously about how I do a LOT of writing on my phone (like right now!) and I think that definitely impacts the process, too. Unless I've been possessed to do so by a scene, I don't really actively Sit and Write for hours: I was in my dentist's waiting room today and wrote a few lines of dialogue while I waited for my appointment, yesterday I was struck by a character realization while I was doing some drawing and went to make a quick note before returning to it, the previous day I reworked a scene in the chapter that I just put up. In all honesty I think if I weren't writing, it'd just keep clogging up my brain. There have been more than a few times where I've been trying to articulate something that's been brewing in my skull- plot arcs, character stuff, whatever- that's turned into a massive deluge of information that I may have not entirely realized was all up there! @eveandpsyche attest to me going "i have a thought" and then two hours of rambling later, I walk out with several pages of backstory that had been apparently just living in my head.

Thank you for asking me so many questions, I mean it very genuinely when I say that I appreciate it/them/you and enjoy answering them :)

[ignitedbynatsu]

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Natsu

A/N: Woowie it has been a while hasn’t it 😅 Writers block can be a bitch but I think I have a few more ideas for the other boys. Let me know who you want me to write for next!!

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel like you feel like your magic isn’t compatible, cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Tension had been running high for Natsu when his fire attacks had been cancelled one after the other by the wind magic user, but when you were the one that accidentally nullified his attack with your water magic, that’s when he completely snapped.

You had taken note of the rising irritation in your boyfriend's behaviour, and you thought that he hadn’t noticed the attack coming his way so in the heat of the moment you decided to step in. As a result, your water extinguished his flames and you both could dodge his attack your opponent’s attack just in time.

“Natsu, I’m so sorry-“ “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You were a bit taken back by his sudden tone as he had never yelled at you before. He took notice of your sudden state of shock, but that wasn’t enough to prevent the vicious word from coming from his mouth “Why the fuck did you think that was a good idea? Don’t you see that you’re a nuisance to me? All you do is fuck up my fire and get in my way. I don’t want your magic near me, can you get that through your thick skull?”

“Natsu!” Erza called out to the stressed fire dragon slayer “This is not the time nor the place”

“I won’t get in your way next time” You whispered before heading over to help Lucy with her opponent.

After a while, you overpowered your foes and were now on a train making your way back to Magnolia. You sat next to Lucy, while Carla and Wendy were seated in front of you. Natsu, Gray, Erza and Happy were seated in the boot next to yours.

“(Y/N)” Natsu whined “I’m dying, please help me” You usually summoned some water in the palm of your hand and let it softly swirl against his forehead. For some reason, it helped with the nauseous feeling, and you were about to give in until you realized his words from earlier. He wanted your magic nowhere near him. What if you somehow fucked up and splashed water all over him. You did not want to be yelled at again.

“Tell Natsu I’m asleep or something” You mumbled lowly, so only Lucy could hear, while you laid your head on her shoulder. She gave you a sad smile, knowing the outburst was still fresh on your mind. She complied, making Natsu groan in response but eventually gave up. He didn’t look too much in it as he knew how tired you could get from these jobs.

Once out of the train, you didn’t spare Natsu a second look. You walked in front of everyone, but Erza quickly caught up to walk next to you, while the other looked after the two Dragon Slayers that were still feeling a bit nauseous from the train ride “Are you okay?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” You asked.

Erza clicked her tongue as she looked at you from the corner of her eyes, absolutely not believing the lie that just fell from your tongue “Natsu was way out of line”

“He was just stressed, it can happen to the best of us” You shrugged it off, hoping that if you treated it lightly it wouldn’t weight down later in your mind.

“Still not an excuse to work it out on you” She pointed out.

“I know, thank you for caring, but really Erza, I promise I’m okay.” You gave her a small genuine smile which she returned.

You didn’t return to the guild as the others did, instead, you went home, telling the others you were too tired from the mission to deal with the shenanigans from Fairy Tail. Natsu offered to walk you home, but you kindly denied it, leaving him a bit confused. He realized he should probably give you some space since he lashed out at you. He made a mental note to apologize next thing in the morning when he’d see you.

“(Y/N)! Baby!” Natsu ran over to you and hugged you tightly while spinning you around making you squeal in surprise “put me down, Natsu”

“Only if you forgive me for what happened yesterday,” he said.

“I forgive you. You were stressed, I get it, it’s no big deal” You forgave him.

“I knew you’d understand, you’re the best” He kissed your cheek as he placed you back on your feet “anyway Happy and I found this job and-“

“I think I’m gonna take a day off, still feel a little tired from yesterday, you can go, though, have fun” you cut him off before he could fully explain the mission.

“Alright, make sure you take care of yourself today! I’ll be home as soon as I can, so we can cuddle” He kissed your forehead before turning to the Exceed “Let’s go Happy! Let’s go ask if Lucy wants to join”

That’s how the following weeks went. You always found an excuse to not join Natsu and Happy on the job. Sure you had forgiven him for his outburst since he was under a lot of stress. He shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but you also knew it could happen to the best of us when you’ve hit your limit. However, you couldn’t help but see some truth in his words.

Your magic was not compatible and made you doubt yourself. You associated yourself strongly with your magic, as every wizard did, so I made you think if you and Natsu were suited for each other. After all, that was one of the many reasons why Natsu and Gray shared such a peculiar friendship.

You had often heard of the saying that opposites attracted, but nothing could be further from the truth. The human race is a narcissistic species and wants nothing more than finding themselves in their significant others. Huge differences might be exciting and fun at first but are bound to break in the long run.

“(Y/N), you wanna go on a mission with us?” Natsu asked as you stood in front of the board with job applications.

“Can’t, I promised Gajeel I-“ You started to explain but cut yourself off when Natsu threw you over his shoulder “Natsu! Let me go! Natsu!”

“No we need to talk,” He said in a serious tone, making you stop struggling against his grip and let him take you outside, so you could talk in private.

“What do you wanna talk about?” You asked softly as you took notice of the sincere expression on his face.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked as his black orbs were searching for answers in your eyes.

“I am not” you deflected his question, but you breaking eye contact as soon as the words past your lips proved you were lying.

“Ever since that day I lashed out at you, you haven’t gone on a mission with me” He pressed.

“That’s not true” you denied once again which made him frown. Why were you dishonest with him?

“Okay, when was the last time we went on a job together?” He asked. Your silence was a clear answer and you both knew it. Your gaze averted to the ground, but he refused to let you shy away from him as he placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head back up until your eyes meet once again. His hand softly from underneath your chin to lay on your cheek “are you still upset with me?”

Your heart shattered at how vulnerable he was right now. His playful antics long replaced by guilt that had been slowly eating away at him for the past days. “No, of course not”

“Then please tell me what I did wrong. I can’t stand the thought of me deliberately hurting you. Please tell me what’s troubling you, so I can fix it” He pleaded.

“Do you-“ You paused to collect your thoughts “do you think we’re right for each other?”

“What do you mean?” 

“That day you said my magic was a nuisance. It got me thinking and you were right. You have to evade my magic so often, and it's all because it isn’t compatible with one another. I just didn’t want to be more of a hinder than I already was, that’s why I started to join others on their jobs just so I wouldn’t mess up yours. I just sometimes wonder if my magic isn’t the only thing that isn’t compatible with you.” You frowned as you hear yourself your insecurities out loud.

“Hey, no, stop. What I said that day was completely out of line. I took my frustration and took them out on you and I shouldn’t have. I have no excuse for how I acted that day. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m sorry for making you feel bad. So what if we’re a little different. I thought you always liked a good challenge?” He apologized.

“Sure I like the thrill of our relationship, but it doesn’t take away from the fact our magic isn’t suitable for one another. I just think we’re setting ourselves up for failure. A challenge is fun for a little while but we both know that stability is what you need if you want a relationship to survive in the long run” You explained.

“Then we’ll defy those odds. I’ll show everyone and especially you that you don’t need something like psychology to prove if a relationship will work or not. Please let me prove to you how much I can love you and let me prove to you that I’ll eventually become that stability you crave.” He vowed. “I always thought you weren’t one to be quick on giving up when things get rough”

“I’m not, I just don’t want to put my heart out there if I know from the start it’ll only get broken” You uttered somberly.

“I promise you it won’t. I’ll love you with every fiber in my body until the day I die. I will never make you doubt yourself or our relationship again” He told you, sincerity audible in his voice.

You smiled softly at him as your arms sneaked around his waist while your head laid on his chest. His arms immediately reacted at your touch, shielding you away from the world as his lips planted a soft kiss on your head “I love you”

[accio-victuuri]

Can you suggest some of your fav fanfic recommendations of untamed, from lwj's pov?

Thanks 💕

ANON!!!!!!!! Sure! So, what I have are AUs. I tried to limit this list to 13 and to my most recent read/bookmarked. Please mind the tags on each fic in case some themes make you uncomfortable.

1. Of all the hands - typefortydeductions - I love this! 5 years after the defeat of the Wens! And one of my favorite tropes of arranged Marriage. What would happen if WWX did not die and just continued to gain more power. This has some other people’s POV on it but mostly LWJ.

Five years after the end of the Sunshot Campaign, the Yiling Patriarch has only grown in strength. Desperate to avoid another war, the Emperor proposes that he marry his younger brother, Lan Wangji, hoping to consolidate his power and take the Stygian Tiger Seal for the throne. He doesn't realise that Lan Wangji has never stopped being in love with Wei Wuxian, or what this marriage will mean to them both.

2. This love is all for you - mdzsed - this is a very short and sweet one featuring bookshop owner LWJ! being as usual, with a huge crush on WWX.

Lan Zhan thinks of romance novels, of longing and finding love, and wonders if this is how he meets the love of his life: in a small town, in a bookstore, between bookshelves and hundreds of love stories.

3. A sorta fairytale with you - YilingJessa - I am weak for fairytale AUs and this is one of those. Also LWJ + bunnies is always a win for me. WWX as the mysterious witch and their pact w/each other was cool too.

A modern-day fairy tale, where Lan Wangji's new bunny might be more than he appears, and the witch in the woods has a happily ever after in mind

4. Crystalized - gusuvibes - Oh how I love this entire universe. This entire premise. I always like stories where LWJ is just quietly living his own life and thinking that everything is fine. He is okay on his own but then here comes the hurricane that is WWX and everything changes. Their interactions here are very sweet! How whipped WWX is for him is also a treat. Baker LWJ please!

nurse wwx runs into lwj's bakery one evening and then...just keeps coming back

5. Soil soaks our skin - YunmengLotus - rich LWJ going to meet WWX and his life takes a different turn. <3

Lan Wangji is the CEO of the Lan development corp, Lan Qiren sends him out to acquire the last bit of land on the outskirts of town so they can develop a mall. Wei Ying owns said land, a meager farm that he takes pride in and absolutely refuses to sell. Will Lan Wangji be able to seal the deal?

6. Cut through the clouds - phnelt - It’s the pilot LWJ x flight attendant WWX fic I never though I needed. A very caring LWJ always gets me!

Lan Zhan knows Wei Ying is trying to live off of plane food and the continental breakfast at the bland airport hotel and anything cheap he can scrounge -- vending machine chips, dollar pizza, street food if they're in a place where the water is safe to drink.

7. Found family - fyredancer - A younger WWX and LWJ against the world. LWJ literally taking WWX out of an abusive household because he loves and cares for him so much. Bonus badass LXC!

The Lan family routine is a series of ordered routines. One morning, Lan Xichen realizes their routine has been broken because Lan Wangji hasn’t risen after 5 a.m. When he checks on him, he discovers his brother’s school friend Wei Wuxian sleeping atop him. A Wei Wuxian who wasn’t there the night before.

8. Smother - PaPaYa_Bites - SMUT! That is all your honor.

Lan Zhan has a close encounter with his favorite wrestler and has a request.

9. An imperfect memory - xantissa - One of my all time favorites. This reads like a dark fairytale, one with the romance, blood, tears and a really good core story. I like stories that build up on a lore of it’s own. You are taken into LWJ’s POV and what he sees, only to find out later that everything is not as it seems. It’s a very rewarding read.

When a creature of darkness comes with a shocking offer, there’s really no question. Second Jade of Lan, in exchange for water for his people. Body and soul, in exchange for his clan's survival. He is prepared to die for them. He is not exactly prepared for what being a sacrifice means.

10. Crazy in love series - w_wxsparkles - wangxian D/s. this is my absolute guilty pleasure you have no idea! 🥲 LWJ here is an absolute dream!

A BDSM universe in which Lan Wangji seeks stress relief with his dominant, Wei Wuxian, and they fall in love because it's what they do best.

11. Read between the lines - wangjiluv - I like this trope! I would think LWJ can be a really good fanfic writer. The type that completes fic bingo challenges and always does the best smut. lol.

What do you do when the idol you wrote self-insert fanfiction about reads the aforementioned self-insert fanfiction during a live interview? Lan Zhan finds out.

12. Window shopping - thunderwear - OMG THEY WERE QUARANTINED! And bunnies as a plot device are very popular to me. I see it, I click.

Lan Wangji didn't look out across the other apartment building often, but now, as he scooped up his escaped rabbit, he looked over only to see a piece of paper taped to the window of the apartment across from him. It was written on purple construction paper in big block letters, like a child had written it. WHAT'S YOUR BUNNY'S NAME???

13. Pop and prejudice - flowerofgusu - This one has an interesting premise but still plays on the familiar theme of LWJ and WWX being old friends/rivals and then meeting again. seeing each other in a completely different light.

Popstar Wei Wuxian "Xianxian" and music critic podcaster Lan Wangji have a long-standing rivalry. Why, then, would Wei Wuxian suddenly agree to an interview with Lan Wangji, who so vehemently wrote that bad review of his debut album?

I hope you find something here that appeals to you Anon! Enjoy! 😊

[anime-academix]

I’m Not Invincible

A/N: I’m totally gonna rewrite this because I think this is so bad 😭I lowkey had writers block, so enjoy this huge piece of garbage. ): 

Warnings: slight angst, fluff, minor swearing

Pairings: Aizawa x reader

Requested by: @tonii​ Always happy to provide for the Aizawa supremacy! 🛐

Tags: If you would like to be tagged, just message me and ask to be added to the list :)

It happened because of an argument

In all honesty, you guys don’t really argue often

Aizawa is extremely rational and level headed, so he keeps the two of you both grounded, no matter how angry you are

But then again, when do you do argue, and it doesn’t dissolve, it’s most likely about something serious

Usually when the two of you argue, he’s the type to remain calmer and not lash out

If he does retaliate, he uses sarcasm in his response

Though he’s tired all the time, when he’s pushed past his peaked exhaustion, it’s harder for him to keep his cool

The argument started because after a major injury, he wasn’t following the doctor’s orders AND your demands for him to take it easy and rest so he could fully recover.

After a major battle between a group of villains, he had taken a serious hit which had forced him on bed rest for a whole week.

Though Recovery Girl did the best she could to possibly heal him, he had been instructed to take it easy for a bit. And since the two of you and Aizawa lived together, the doctors and Recovery Girl instructed for you to keep an eye on him as well. You had absolutely no problem taking care of him while he was on bed rest. If anything, you went above and beyond to make sure he was always feeling comfortable and recovering well. Even when he insisted that you didn’t have to waste your time taking care of him, you shut his comment down instantly; even then, you knew he was grateful you were there for him.

It was only 2 days into his recovery, that Aizawa was already moving and working out. You were glad to see him moving well, but it worried you that he was doing too much. You didn’t think too much about it until you found out that on his 3rd day of recovery--the day he was supposed to be resting at home, he was ALREADY back at UA, teaching.

When you woke up this morning, you were panicking when he wasn’t in the bed beside you. You dialed his phone several times, but it went straight to voice mail. It wasn’t until Present Mic called you, that you were informed of your boyfriend’s presence at the school. Not only were you exasperated that he ignored the doctor’s orders, and annoyed that you had to find out from someone else that he was already doing activities, but you were stressed.

You waited on your shared couch as you waited for him to come home. 5:30 PM, your phone clock read…’He should be home by now,’ You thought to yourself. You would be lying if you said you weren’t anxious…

What if something happened? What if a villain attacked and he was the only pro hero around to stop it? What if he collapsed and no one was around to--

A door opening and closing pulled you out of your thoughts, and you were presented with your boyfriend.

“Shouta, what the hell?!”

“Hey to you too.” He muttered.

“Don’t start with me. You were strictly instructed to rest and recover for a week! Not whenever you feel like it!” You snapped, standing up from the couch

“Y/N, please. I’m fine. I’m healing a lot faster, anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?! What if you got hurt again?! What if you were attacked, huh?! You would be forced to fight with no way of leaving that situation because you wouldn’t just stay down and let your body heal!”

“But I wasn’t attacked. And I already told you, I’m fine.”

You had to admit, he did seem like he was already getting better. Though his wounds were still healing and he would wince from time to time when you could tell the painkillers were wearing off, he had been recovering quickly so far.

“That’s not the point. I would prefer you feeling great than just fine, Shouta.”

He rolled his eyes, walking into the bedroom with you trailing behind him. He didn’t waste a second to carefully take off his scarf and jumpsuit--noticing his subtle winces from the movements every now and then. Your heart ached seeing his entire abdomen and arms wrapped in bandages and his back and neck painted with bruises and small cuts.

Aizawa slips on a pair of sweatpants and a dark t-shirt. “See. I’m fine.”

A sigh left your lips as you shook your head. “You were told to stay on bed rest for a week. This wasn’t just some normal injury. You almost died, Shouta! All we asked for you to do was to rest and recover back to full health. And now, I had to find out from Hizashi that you went back to teach?! What if there was a repeat of the fight with the Shie Hassaikai or USJ incident?!”

“But there wasn’t and I made it out of that alive too! This is exactly what you signed up for when you decided to date a pro hero. Getting injured is apart of the job, I’m not going to quit just because you hate seeing me hurt.” 

He walked from out of the bedroom and into the hallway as you followed behind him. Aizawa wasn’t wrong. You knew the risks when you decided to date a pro hero. Injury and even death was apart of the job once a pro hero took an oath to serve and protect civilians. Even when he was injured, it didn’t stop the pang in your heart when you saw the damage his body would take on. Despite his protests, you did everything you could to take care of him. And yes, he did make it out alive from those two incidents, but he still sustained serious injuries. However, this current incident was substantially worse. He was on the brink of death after this battle. 

“You could have died, Shouta! All I ask is for you to rest and let me take care of you, please!” You pleaded.

And you were right. Truthfully, if it hadn’t been for Recovery Girl, he probably wouldn’t have made it to see the next day. 

A low growl escaped his throat. “For the love of God, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m fine?!”

It happened so suddenly. His body turned around as his hair floated up, his eyes glowing a light shade of red.

Your body froze as silence enveloped the two of you. Everything felt like it stopped: time, the blood flowing through your body and even your heartbeat. You would be lying if you said you weren’t scared. His eyes bored into yours as his brows furrowed, knitting together. In the time you had been dating, Aizawa had never used his quirk on you, ever. 

It was the single tear rolling down your cheek that brought you back to your current situation. Slowly, you began to feel your body shake as you stared back at him in disbelief. 

This situation suddenly hit him too as his expression softened, deactivating his quirk. He had scared you. The one person he loved more than anything in the world, the one person he couldn’t live without, the one person he’d travel through hell and back for, the one person he always wanted by his side, was suddenly on the receiving end of his quirk. 

“Y/N...” Aizawa began softly as he took a hesitant step towards you. You shook your head slightly as you took a step back, now allowing the tears flow down your face. He felt his heart clench as you took a step away from him and seeing the tears fall from your eyes. Not only did he activate his quirk against you, but your tears were because of him.

“No..no...what have I done?” He whispered to himself. He was supposed to be the one to protect you, never harm you. 

“I just wanted to help,” You finally said, voice breaking towards the end as you choked out a sob. 

Aizawa wasted no time swiftly moving towards you, relieved when you didn’t back away. As gently as he could, he wrapped his arms around you. “I know, kitten...I know. I’m so sorry. I’m...so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he repeated, his body shaking just slightly.

You melted in his touch as a quiet sob raked through your body, your head resting against his chest. Being careful not to hurt him, you snaked your arms around his abdomen loosely. 

“I’m so sorry, love. I wasn’t thinking and I was just frustrated...” He paused, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “Sometimes I forget that I’m not invincible. So, when I get injured, I force my body to heal faster than it’s even able to. I know that I’m pushing myself too hard and you’re there telling me to take it easy or rest. I know that you’re right, but I just get so aggravated knowing I’m limited right now.” He paused again and kissed the top of your head. “I know that you’re right, but I just get so aggravated knowing I’m so limited right now. But...that doesn’t excuse using my quirk on you.” He added, his voice growing quiet, the scene flashing back in his head.

“God...I’m so sorry...I’m so fucking sorry,” he breathed out, his eyes squeezing shut. Aizawa wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave him. That after everything you had done for him, this is how he treated you. For the love of his life to be on the receiving end of his quirk for any reason was something he would never forgive himself for.

“It’s okay, Shouta,” You whispered softly against his chest.

His eyes sprung open, almost convinced that he had misheard you. His question was answered when you shifted to look up at him, face puffy and slightly wet with tears. Another pang hit his heart. He was the reason for your tears. Instinctively, he reached his hand up to wipe the remainder of your tears away with his thumb.

“I forgive you.” You moved to lift your hand up, cupping his face as he leaned into your touch. “I understand, but you have to let me take care of you. I know exactly what I signed up for when we started dating, and I’ve come to terms with that, but you also have to let me do my job to take care of you when you’re hurt. As long as I can help it, I’m not to lose you--not to a villain and especially not to an injury. So you’re going to be resting, here at home, for the rest of your recovery time, got it?”

He nodded as a small smile creeped onto his lips, shifting slightly to kiss the palm of your hand. Aizawa lifted up his hand to hold onto yours as he leaned down, pressing his lips softly against yours. Though it was gentle, it was passionate; and you could feel that it was a reminder that he loved and appreciated you. You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips during the kiss. 

“I love you,” he muttered against your lips.

“I love you too, Shouta,” you replied softly.

After a brief moment, you pulled away. “Now that you understand, go lay your ass down in the bedroom.” You instructed him. 

He smirked at you before pressing another kiss to your lips, this time a bit more heated. “Fine,” he muttered, pulling away just slightly. “But you’re coming with me,” he added before pressing his lips against yours once more.

[exosmutfactory]

It's really heart breaking to read this. I can't begin to imagine the exhaustion you must feel. It's sad to know that something that you used to give so much drive and joy became this toxic and just ends up consuming you because of others. I'm sorry to hear that from you. I don't know if you will continue to write even if you don't decide to publish and just write for your own entertainment. But I really hope you do! I created my ff blog after anonymously reading Six Phases and it had such huge impact of on me. As did many of your works... You are a really gifted writer. Thank you for everything I can only hope things go right for you. Sending strength and compassion your way.

I spent the last 2 weeks taking a break away from here and AFF. The only way to not stress is to not see anything, so I make sure to stay away as much as I can.

I remember how active and happier I was in January this year. I wanted to start the new year right and full of positivity. Yet for the past two months, I'd wake up every day wondering: which story will they report this time? Did I block all their suspicious accounts? Why are these strangers I've never seen before laughing then deleting their weird replies to me?

It took me this long to stop feeling hopeless when I had to delete a blog post on AFF expressing my frustration. I posted the same one here as well, when someone reported my story for having smut when it didn't have smut. 5 days or so after I received that report, I had published a new smut-free story. That same day, of all days, a reporter came and reported my blog post. One where my readers were "bashing" the reporter. "We do not tolerate this behavior, reporters are doing their job." Yet I am held responsible for other people's actions? I simply said I might not update often because I was upset over it, yet when my supportive readers react more intense than me, I get the blame.

-Anyway, I learned not to say sh*t on that site coz it is crawling with people ready to report me for everything and nothing. Its very uncomfortable to be watched 24/7. That's exactly why I turned off my "online" green dot on Tumblr, because some people wait for me to Be Online before they come in with their trash talk :) months ago someone came into my Tumblr inbox in September like "for someone on break, you sure are clogging the tags with your shit posts" ??? BLOCK me? Or come off anon so I can do it for you, seriously, it takes 2 seconds.

Sorry this is so long, I've been holding this in for a long time and every time I get upset over it, I ask myself if I'm overreacting or too sensitive. I had a breakdown 2 weeks ago because someone reported my story on AFF for "violation of content guidelines" because:

hahaha. It's hard. The stress makes it impossible to write. I feel like a lot of my readers there hate me because I am inconsisitent with posting and I can't even tell them what is happening because I'll just be reported again. It's funny seeing writers with big followings throwing my name around in their public conversations with their friends. It's so nice to know how hated I am and a relief because I could disappear from the internet any day and never hear from them again. Because a hobby, a passion, causing so much stress is never worth all these sleepless nights.

I barely interact with anyone anymore because I feel like a failure. I can't even write fanfics and post often without hating every word I write. I always wonder how unreliable and selfish I must seem to other people, but those are all my problems. I wanted to spread happiness with my stories, and now, my stories are the ones sucking the joy out of me.

I'm trying my best, but I have to look after my health first, and all of this isn't helping.

Sorry for all of this (>.<) thank you for sending me this message, anon. I will finish my stories no matter how long it takes. My works are supposed to be happy vibes, not full of my personal pains. It's hard to write things when I don't feel them. Honestly that's how Six Phases came to be (>////<) good luck with your blog!!! Share your unique writer voice with the world 💕��✨ I wish you the best, love 💖

[heyaeolus]

The Writer’s Block Cure

Genre: fluff WC: 1.1k Warning: Writer’s block...

You let your body fall back onto the fuzzy surface of the carpet. Feeling frustration rush over your system as you battle yet another episode of a writer's block. You raked through your hair, accompanied by a loud grunt.

"I! Can't! Write! Anything!" You shouted as you thrashed your legs around in an attempt to let out stress. Instead, what you gained is a solid hit on your feet on one of the coffee table's legs, shooting pain through it. "Aw, aw," you bent your knees to your chest and clutched your hurt toe.

"How can you produce anything if you keep on whining every five seconds?"

A sharp pair of eyes looked down at you in dismay while you continued throwing a tantrum. Akaashi set the tray he was carrying beside your laptop. He sat on the couch, just before you. You looked up at him from his feet, your eyes practically begging for affection which you are quite certain he would not give. This bastard never really knows the word ‘intimacy’. The thought sent a sigh out of your lips. But nonetheless, your thought continues, I’ll choose him.

Unlike you, Akaashi never knew how much of a pain being stuck in a puddle feels like. The guy is basically gifted with a hyperactive mind. You have often wondered how he kept on spurting numerous activities after another. Getting one work done over another with the help of his big brain. "This idiot," you rolled your eyes at him, hating him for something he is completely oblivious of. The words did not even reach his ears.

But for the record, you were never really surprised at how insensitive he was when you finally got to know him up close. He is one of those people you instantly know would be this... indifferent. And yet, here you are, completely struck with his silent charms.

"The laptop won't type anything for you," he leaned forward. His head hanging on his shoulders so he could meet your eyes. You rolled your eyes once again at him, sitting up to avoid his glare. "I won't type anything either," you shrugged, your back on Akaashi so you were not able to witness how he furrowed his brows behind his pair of specs. He rarely shows his frustration to you. Even though you could be impossibly annoying at times. You think his patience was one of the fruits of all those years sticking up with his best friend — Bokuto, who is now more of your bestfriend rather than his. "It's a tie between me and the laptop," you declared, throwing a glare towards the direction of the machine which could never comprehend your emotions.

You saw his arm reach from behind. You were momentarily frozen at the thought of Akaashi hugging you for comfort. But the sweet idea soon popped out as he reached for a chip on the tray he brought along instead. You let out an exasperated sigh. There goes one of your fantasies of being cuddled by Akaashi in comfort.

You let your body fall back on the couch only to hit Akaashi's knee with the back of your head. His hand immediately caressed your head, moving his leg further to the side so your head could finally rest on his thigh. A huge pout rests on your lips as you looked up at him. He is not paying you a single ounce of attention as he read what you were working on in your laptop. It only made you yearn for his attention more. He spent the whole night until he slept holed up in the study, finishing his work. He always preferred to finish his work in the study, alone and confined from all the distractions you could make. While you prefer to work wherever he is, not only for his precious presence but also because he could be a lot of help to you.

"What are you even planning to do in this chapter?" Akaashi scrolled through your rough words, his glasses falling further down the bridge of his nose.

You moved in your seat, facing your boyfriend so you could hug his waist and bury your face in his sweater. "I'm kind of out of ideas," your voice came out muffled as you sniffed his scent. His hum sent out vibrations through his body which you felt as you continued to cling onto him like a koala.

"It's a date, right? Going to an amusement park?" Akaashi suggested. You only grunted at his proposal. You were actually supposed to write that but then you realized how out of character it would be for the male protagonist you've molded. You just know it won't fit right in.

"Tell me what's the problem," Akaashi's voice was one pitch even lower. A sign that he is either on the edge of annoyance or he is getting serious about the matter at hand.

You quickly detached yourself from him, looking him in the eye. You were actually as clueless as him on what to write next. So instead, you answered, "I need affection." He closed his eyes, sighing. Hoping to elongate his patience with you. He called out your name sternly. But that only made you giggle silently, hopping beside him.

"Babe," you cooed, "I want cuddles."

"Now, now, don't dodge the matter at hand," he warned, his eyes turning into slits of anger.

"Yes, Keiji. Don't you dare dodge the matter at hand. You should cuddle with me."

"I swear since you hung out with Bokuto-san you've become worse." You know it was a joke. Especially when Akaashi used Bokuto as a reference for your overbearing stance at the moment. "Keijiiii," you slurred out as you clung onto his neck. You managed to somehow crawl into his lap. He is as stoic as ever, not even budging when you pull him towards you.

"Finish your work first," Akaashi told you.

"Kiss first," you tapped on your lips, looking at him expectantly. He tried to stand up from his position but you persistently clung onto him. “No, Keiji,” you pouted at him, “Kiss me.” He looked so done with the world as you laughed at how he struggled with your clinginess. His hand came onto your hair, caressing it. You snuggled into the crook of his neck, wanting more of his affection. “Maybe you’re thinking so much into it that’s why the ideas won’t flow out naturally,” he turns to you. Your faces are just now inches apart and if he is not at the edge of his patience you could have gambled snatching a kiss on his lips, but you stayed in your place.

What you did not expect was him, giving you just what you wanted. His lips brushed against yours softly, velvety against yours. It felt like a sudden charge which flowed through your body. An epiphany of sorts. You smiled at him, your eyes twinkling to the request granted. Akaashi’s cheeks were painted red as he gazed at you lovingly.

“Would that help?”

[espoir-et-reves]

hi maria!!!

i LOVE your work and wanna pick your brain :)) for the writing asks:

1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 20, 32, 35, & 39

hope your day is going well!!!!! <3333

Yooo Nadia what’s up?? No, nope I LOVE YOURS and I’d let you pick my brain but I doubt you’d make much sense of the chaos in there. Even I don’t 😂😂 okay so on with the q&a

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction? 

Hmm I think I started reading fanfiction when I was in middle school? I’m pretty sure the first few fanfics I ever read were Harry Potter and Supernatural fics. I was SO into those fandoms back then (still am tbh)

The first fics I wrote were in high school if I remember correctly. Harry Potter and k-pop, more precisely a few EXO x reader fics lmao

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

It depends on the day I think. On some days I have no motivation to write, so I just lose myself in reading fanfics. Other days I spend hours upon hours of writing and doing research for my fanfics, wips and YA stories. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Just three??? Blasphemous but okay...

Daughter of Fire by the amazing @justjstuff -- one of my TOP favorite KakaSaku fics and also Naruto fanfics in general. Always makes my day when I see an update^^

Deep Within the Trees; Under the Boughs & Blossoms by candy_floss_consumer (I’m sorry I don’t know if they’re on tumblr) The entire series of a Different Wave is just so magical and so well written but especially this one. Gave me chills on every single chapter.

Take your pick between The Shadows of Your Heart and Dying Embers by @riseoftheblossom-ff . Just amazing.

Also take a pick from your fics. I love them^^

(I only listed fics from the Naruto fandom, because I’ve been more invested in them for the past couple of years.)

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I HATE a huge block of just words. Please, people, change paragraphs, use “ ” when someone’s talking and for the love of everything you find holy, do tell us who is thinking what and who is speaking when there are more than two characters in a scene. 

The lack of paragraphs especially drives me mad... like I don’t care if it’s the best story I may ever read, I’m not doing it, sorry.

Thank you, sincerely Maria❤

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

Not as often as I should tbh. Especially before I began uploading my fics, I was too shy to leave a review. Still am, but I’m trying to leave comments more often bc I understand how much they can lift the writer’s mood. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Favorite fandoms: Naruto, Supernatural, Harry Potter, The Mortal Instruments

Favorite pairings: I’m a MultiSaku hoe so I read EVERYTHING, Dean/Castiel + Meg/Castiel, Draco/Hermione, Magnus/Alec!!

Favorite character: BAMF Sakura, Cas my little angel baby, Hermione bc we love BAMF witches and Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn y’all✨

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Hahahhahahahha good question. It’s the hardest thing tbh. Sometimes I just google for a title generator, other times I sit down for a couple hours and beg for my brain to come up with something good...

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

*snorts* not just a headache, it’ll be a damn explosion. I do have a rough outline for my fics, I even have the major scenes I want in a chapter written down and an ending and all that. Thing is... my mind hates me and I change everything at least three times, so I decided to just go with the flow. 

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Honestly? just the fact that I’m writing. Especially when my brain wants to work with me and creativity just hits. I also enjoy doing research for my fics, but more often than not, it leads to distractions because I fall too into whatever I’m searching for😂

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

“He didn’t smile back at me,” Sakura pouted and stabbed the rabbit meat on her plate with unnecessary force. --- A running joke in A Tale of Songs and Ashes is that Sakura has vowed to make Madara smile at her and she tries to get a reaction out of him every time they meet. This line started everything. 

Across from him Shikamaru was smoking a cigarette, lazily observing the people around him. The sharp look he received from said boy though had him taken aback. He followed the Nara’s eyes landing on Sakura and Sasuke, before turning back to him. Shikamaru shook his head, resigned and offered Neji a cigarette.

“I don’t smoke,” he replied.

Shikamaru shrugged, “It could help with the homicidal thoughts.” --- This interaction basically is one of my favorites from Nightstrolls because it kinda highlights Neji’s and Shika’s frienship in the fic and the fact that Shikamaru often makes fun of Neji’s crush on Sakura.

Gai’s laughter filled the air around them, “What a youthful child! Shisui-kun I didn’t know Uchiha came out in spring colours as well!” --- From Trials of Change I don’t think it needs an explanation. Gai just being Gai😂

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

Oh so damn much! I think it’s the only thing that kept me from falling apart during quarantine and the COVID-19 crisis. Writing really helped my mental health when it comes to dealing with all the stress and even members of my family falling ill and dying. 

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Uh, I don’t know? My readers usually tell me that I have an interesting way of writing -- whatever that means. So since they like it, I do as well? 

Also, I try to make the characters more realistic, give them backstories and emotions and hobbies etc. I like that😊

Thank you so much for your questions!! Sending you lots of love💕

[you-a-southpaw-doll]

Daddy’s Nap ~ A Negan One-Shot

Summary: Negan gets woken up from his nap…

Warning(s): Fluff. Language. Tired Negan. Slightly grumpy Negan. Soft Negan. Daddy!Negan. Dick joke. SHIRTLESS JDM GIFs and images!! 

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this story this morning at 6:30 am, after I couldn’t sleep all night long. Insomnia sucks ass. Despite having a major writer’s block for the last several months, this idea hit me and I just had to type it up. I hope y’all like it!

Word Count: 2,470 words

Relationship(s): Negan x Reader.

Characters: Negan. Reader.

Taglist: @negans-network @prettyboynegan @mychemicalimagines @spnnnxangelsx @rockinkel21 @misskittycat02 @band--psycho@ofxallxwexlost @iron-halt @thamberlinawrites @ravenwings73 @lettherebepink @stoneyggirl @neganslucille87​

_______________________________________________________________________

 Story Time:

 "Give me a fuckin’ minute! Fuck’s sake!”

His voice a half yell, a half sigh as he spoke. Sleep still laced his words, trying hard to cling to the syllables as he rubbed his face against the pillow before sluggishly pushing himself outta bed, leaving the soft, memory foam mattress behind. Strolling over to the thick wooden door that sealed off his quarters, Negan grunted. 

The last thing he wanted was to be disturbed. It was too early for this shit. Well, too early in the afternoon, anyway. It’d been a rough day, running things in the Sanctuary. He’d had to iron a fucker’s face as a punishment that now seemed pointless at the current time. But, it had been important for him to remind his people of the rules, and the subsequent consequences of those rules being broken.

He never liked ironing people’s faces, and it always exhausted the fuck outta him, which is why he’d been napping before some fucker knocked on his door. But, he still did it. The ironing. He had to do it. As leader, it was his job. He was the one to enforce the rules in order to keep his people safe. That’s why… 

His thoughts trailed off as he jerked the door open, glaring at the person on the other side, intent to rip them a new one for disturbing him and waking him from his much-needed nap.

“What the fu-” He stopped mid-sentence as he took in the sight of the person standing in the hallway, in front of him.

Reader’s P.O.V:

You cringed when you heard him cuss out loud before the noises of shuffling on the other side of the door could be heard. You hadn’t wanted to disturb him, but you had no other choice. You bit your lip as you waited for him to open the door. As soon as it was flung open, your throat closed up and your heart pounded faster in your chest and loudly in your ears.

You barely heard his faltering question when the door was no longer separating the both of y’all. You could see the concern flash over his face, quickly followed by the flash of worry as he furrowed his brow. Your eyes followed his hand as it moved from the doorframe to run through his hair that was no longer slicked back, but rather ruffled from what you could only assume was his pillow.

You watched as he ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more. You watched his lips move, but couldn’t hear anything he was saying as the sound of your heartbeat in your ears drowned him out. He reached a hand forward and placed it on your shoulder. That seemed to calm you down real fuckin’ quick. 

After a moment, you took a deep breath and blinked, looking up at him.

“Doll?” He asked again.

You shook your head. “Huh?”

He tried to hide the small smile tugging on his lips but failed. His dimples showed as he let out a soft, breathy chuckle.

“I asked what’s wrong? You ok?” He repeated his earlier questions that you hadn’t heard over the beating of your heart.

“Y-y-ye…” You started, but stopped, shaking your head. “No. I’m sorry to bother you, but…” You lifted your arms, showing him what was in them.

Negan’s eyes softened and he nodded. “Say no more, sweetheart.”

His long arms reached out and his hands gently plucked the bundle outta your arms and cradled it to him. He took a step back, giving you room to enter into his living area as he cradled the bundle in his arms. Stepping in, you watched, in awe and amusement as he held your infant son close, and started murmuring softly to the little boy. 

You watched, not noticing the door closing, as your son slowly stopped wailing at the top of his little lungs as he stared, wide eyed up at the badass, bat-wielding leader of the Sanctuary. You heard Negan’s chuckle as he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on the boy’s head. He looked up at you as your son cuddled to him, his chubby little fingers curling ��round the hairs that covered Negan’s chest.

He smiled, dimples showing once more. “Not quite what I was fuckin’ expectin’ after being woken up from my damn nap.”

You swallowed deeply. “I…I’m sorry, sir. He’s been screaming bloody murder for the last two and a half hours. I tried everything and then some before I finally came up here.”

He smirked. “It’s no fuckin’ problem, sweetheart. Looks like he just wanted me.”

You let out a shaky laugh and nodded, shrugging. “I guess so. I dunno how you do it, but you seem to be the only one who can calm him these days.”

His smirk grew even more. “I’ve just got the touch, I guess. From the moment I met this cute little fucker and his fuckin’ beautiful as shit mother.”

You blushed, hoping he wouldn’t notice as he turned his attention back to the little boy in his arms.

“You just wanted Daddy Negan, didn’t you, little man? Hmmm? Yea. You fuckin’ did.” He chuckled as he cooed at the little boy.

He laughed softly as the boy let out a quiet giggle of his own and snuggled closer to Negan’s chest. You watched, wondering how the hell Negan managed to quiet your son, and make him giggle. As you watched the two of them, that was when you fully noticed Negan. You sucked in a quiet breath as your eyes raked over him. 

He was completely shirtless, his tanned skin, chest hair, and numerous tattoos on full display. Your eyes lowered, from his chest to your sons in his arms, and still lower. You bit your lip a little bit as you took in the sight of a pair of holey blue jeans, hanging low on his hips, zipped up but unbuttoned. You could clearly see “AMERICAN EAGLE” stitched in on the dark blue waistband of his boxers he had on under his jeans. 

The thick band still hung low enough to show off his abs, and the trail of hair that led to what his pants were covering. You took another breath in and tried not to stare at the developed and clearly prominent V-line of his. You forced your eyes to look lower so you wouldn’t get distracted and your thoughts wouldn’t wander more than they already had.

He was barefoot, which you had already assumed since Negan had been napping before you woke him up. He didn’t even have socks on. Not that you blamed him. It was fuckin’ hotter than Satan’s balls in a sauna on a hot July day in Georgia. The heat was also the most likely cause for the thin layer of sweat that covered his skin.

“Doll?”

You brought your eyes up to meet Negan’s once you heard his soft voice.

“Huh?” You asked.

He laughed and shook his head. “I asked if you were enjoying the view?”

You blushed harder, no longer able to idea it. “Maybe?”

His head tossed back as he let out a deep bellied laugh.

“Maybe my ass! Damn. I ain’t been checked out like that in at least 20 years, and that’s fuckin’ sayin’ somethin’ since I used to have 4 fuckin’ wives!” He smirked.

You raised a brow. “Used to?”

He nodded and grinned as he padded across the soft carpet to his bed. He plopped down on the side of the mattress that was still messed up from his nap a few minutes prior. He swung his feet up, kicking the sheets outta the way as he got comfortable, and leaned back, shifting your son so he was comfortable on Negan’s chest. 

The Sanctuary’s leader patted the spot next to him, gesturing for you to settle next to him.

“Mmhhmm. Used to. I got rid of ‘em after I met you and this little munchkin a few months ago.” He said.

You walked over and laid next to him, kicking your shoes off before you climbed up in his huge ass bed, snuggling up to him. This…the three of y’all like this, in his bed…was something that happened quite often since he’d brought you to the Sanctuary 3 months ago.

From the moment Negan had found you and your newborn son, hiding out in a store, and he’d taken your screaming son in an attempt to quiet him, the little boy only quieted for Negan. He could tell you were stressed, trying not to panic from fear that the walkers would find you since your son had been screaming as loud as his little body would allow.

He’d gently taken him from your arms, staying close to you so as to keep you from panicking more as a random stranger taking your son. You’d started to protest, but quickly stopped as your son nestled to Negan’s leather jacket and quieted down the moment he was in the man’s arms. Negan had chuckled, much like he did today, while you’d let out a breath of relief, your panic washing away. 

As he’d rocked your son to sleep in his arms, Negan told you about the Sanctuary, and offered to bring you both back. He’d explained the rules, and offered you the same offer he gave to anyone he came across. Only, he’d also offered you the position of being one of his wives. You’d turned that down quickly.

Explaining that you were sure he didn’t want a “wife” who had so much baggage and a child, you’d told him that you’d work for points. He didn’t hide his disappointment, but you could tell he’d respected your choice. When he brought you and your son to the old factory, he set you up in a room that you didn’t have to share, so it was just you and your little boy. 

He told you, as he’d laid your sleeping son down, that if you needed anything, not to hesitate to let him know. It hadn’t been until you were in the cafeteria one morning, and someone dropped their tray, startling your little boy from his slumber, making him wail, and Negan came over and gently took him, quieting him down, that you took the man up on his offer.

After that day, it was clear that your son loved Negan and would only quiet down when he was with him. You and Negan had gotten closer during the visits y’all shared as he soothed your boy back to sleep. Many of those visits had consisted of you and Negan curled up in his bed as he held your son against his chest, rubbing his back. 

Just like y’all were today. You looked up at Negan after he just dropped the bomb about his wives.

“Why?” You asked.

He shrugged. “I didn’t need them anymore. Got tired of their bullshit. It’s not like I fuckin’ loved any of them. There have been three people in my life that I loved, and I already lost one of them. I wasn’t gonna lose the other two because I wanted to keep the wives. So, I sent ‘em fuckin’ packin’. They were damn happy ‘bout it.”

“I thought Lucille was the only person you loved?” You asked softly.

You knew his first, real wife was a tough subject for him, but he’d opened up to you ‘bout her one night.

He nodded. “She was. Until I met this kid who was screamin’ his lungs out and fuckin’ freakin’ his mama out.”

He glanced at you as he kissed the little boy’s head. It hit you as to what he was saying. You swallowed deeply and your eyes searched yours. You could see it. The love in them. The emotions.

“Us?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded again, slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. “Mmhhmm. So, I fuckin’ let ‘em go. Just having you and this screamer…that’s all I needed. Even if you didn’t feel the same way. In a sense, you’d given me the chance to be a dad, and I wasn’t gonna fuck that up. Don’t worry. You don’t have to feel the same way. I just figured you’d wanna know the reason behind why I fuckin’ got rid of the wives. I’m content with just being here when he’s screaming so I can soothe him the fuck back to sleep.”

“I…I…” You started but when you couldn’t find the words, you just laid your head on his shoulder and stared at your son as you processed what he was saying.

Negan looked back at your little boy, who was now sound asleep and snuggled to his chest. He smiled and kissed his head when a thought struck him. Not looking away from the baby in his arms, he voiced his thought.

“Have you decided on a name yet?”

You smiled and nodded. When Negan had first found y’all, you still hadn’t given your son a name yet. Nothing seemed right for the precious baby who came into your life. Nothing, that is, until 2 months ago.

That was when you decided on the perfect name for him.

“Alexander.” You murmured, and glanced up when Negan took a breath in.

“Alexander? As in my middle name?” He blinked. “You named him after me?”

You giggled and nodded against his shoulder again. “Figured it’d be fitting for him to be named after the only man in his life. His Daddy. I just couldn’t bring myself to call him Negan too. ‘Specially not since you named your dick ‘Negan Jr.’.”

He laughed as he teared. “I can’t believe I fuckin’ told you that. But, you really named him Alexander? After me? You remembered me telling you ‘bout my middle name?”

You smiled and nodded again. “Mmhhmm. I named him after his Daddy, and the man I love.”

His eyes widened at your confession and he teared more. “Well, fuck me! This was so fuckin’ worth bein’ woken up from a nap.”

You laughed. “That’s not happenin’ right now. He just got to sleep. We are not going to risk wakin’ him up again. But, soon. We can.”

He grinned and kissed your head. “I’m gonna fuckin’ hold you to that. But I agree. What do you say we take a nap? As a family?”

You smiled and snuggled closer to him. “I’d fuckin’ like that.”

He grinned when you used his favorite fuckin’ word. Moving slightly, he wrapped an arm ‘round your shoulders and held you and the baby close. You snuggled to him and kept your head on his shoulder as you soon dozed off too.

“My family.” He murmured, a silly grin on his face. “I love my fuckin’ family.”

[qqueenofhades]

Hi!! 💕I was reading across your medieval queer history tag, and I came to the part of Muslims and homosexuality where you mention the active / passive narrative that this activity had.

I had two questions and I don't know if you can help me with them. I was wondering if there was something similar to that position in Nicky's time (?) at the European part of the world. And based on that, would it be a problem for the sexual activities that Nicky and Joe might have had? (sorry for this insane curiosity) I don't know if I'm being clear, haha. I mean, would it be a problem being active/passive for Nicky and Joe? ( based on common Islamic and/or European thought of the 11th century)

Thank you!!

Hmm. I feel like this is a better subject for fanfic (i.e. how Nicky and Joe viewed their relationship in the early days) because it touches on something historians can’t answer: how historical individuals privately viewed their own internal/emotional decisions and preferences. Obviously, Nicky and Joe themselves are fictional, so the only inner feelings they themselves had about how their relationship first developed, whether in its sexual components or otherwise, are the ones that are created for them by a team of modern writers and showrunners. As a historian, I can offer some perspective on the institutional, legal, and societal mores and customs that influenced how queer behavior was collectively viewed, tolerated, or restricted, but I can’t say how any given individual would have then interpreted that to themselves. Obviously, some gay people have been raised in such deeply self-hating environments that their internalized homophobia is very embedded and they struggle for years to get over it. Some others have been raised in the same environment but have never actually accepted any of it and have less difficulty in leaving it behind. Once again, this goes into the realm of speculation rather than strictly provable history, and which goes double for fictional characters.

Queer people have always existed in a complicated and sometimes contradictory relationship with the mainstream (that is, often heteronormative) dominant society. Sometimes they accept all of it in an attempt to “pass” or because they have been taught to be homophobic, sometimes they choose to selectively adopt parts of it but try to live a secret “second life,” sometimes they reject all of it. These choices are conditioned by personal safety/family background, political, cultural, religious, and social environments, formal and informal education, kinship and friendship networks, positive/negative reinforcement, individual character, and so on. There is not necessarily a “wrong” choice for a queer person to make, because each course of action comes with its own risks and rewards, but if you’re choosing to embrace your queer identity and to live out its truth (as Joe and Nicky seem to have done relatively soon after they met), then that will involve an element of rejecting whatever constraints heteronormative society has placed on you. After all, the formal legal conventions about sodomy in the Middle Ages weren’t developed in consultation with actual queer people. They reflected the concerns of conservative establishment clergymen, who weren���t interested in promoting social acceptance of it (and yet again, this doesn’t touch on THEIR actual feelings or whatever they might have done in private). I’ve discussed the complexity of disentangling historical homoromanticism (which was pretty widely celebrated in the medieval era) and historical homosexuality (which had a rockier time, but as I wrote about in this ask, the attempted policing of sexuality and sexual behavior was as much the case for m/f relationships as m/m or f/f ones -- nobody got away from this and it wasn’t just for the gays.)

Basically, I personally don’t think that either Joe or Nicky would have had a problem with sex or certain sexual positions, just because if both of them had reached the point of deciding that a Catholic/Muslim was their true love and they were going to run off together and be a couple no matter what anyone said about it, that already entailed rejecting a huge amount of the ideology they were originally taught and grew up with. It’s again a subject for fanfic how much Joe and Nicky were personally comfortable with being queer before they met each other, so this would more likely be a rejection of religious teaching about the unworthiness/evilness of the rival faith (as Nicky says, the love of his life was from the people he had been taught to hate). Since almost all medieval queer behavior and views on queer people had a religious component, if Joe/Nicky had gotten as far as rejecting the religious tenet that told them the other was Evil, they were (again, in my opinion) extremely unlikely to use any of those old religious arguments for prohibiting or proscribing certain kinds of sexual activity. I’m sure they had to negotiate many issues in the early days of their relationship (as I write about in DVLA), but they’re clearly head over heels in love with each other, wildly attracted to each other and have been for almost a millennium, and eager to embrace the physicality of that relationship, so I don’t personally see this as being a major stumbling block.

That said, you did ask about European views on sodomy in the 11th century and whether there was a parallel to Islamic views on the moral acceptability of the active vis-a-vis the passive partner. Since antiquity, there has always been less “shame” attached to the penetrative/top partner in sex, no matter whether the receiving partner is male or female. Ancient Greece is another example of this, where the adult man could not be penetrated without insult to his manhood and dignity, but the fact of him penetrating a younger man/teenage boy was a fine and even accepted rite of passage. We can obviously talk about how this is related to phallocentrism and misogyny, because the person “receiving” sex is usually expected to be a woman or a woman-equivalent person, which entails lower social status. The dominant male can take whichever sexual partner he pleases, and it’s a mark of honor and status for him to be virile (the very, very ancient chestnut about why playboys are tolerated and admired while sexually active women are “sluts.”) The gender of his partners might not matter as much as their social class, their status in relation to his, his “right” to expect sexual availability from them, and a whole lot of other factors. This could be and also was the case in medieval Europe. But may we point out that the men engaging in these kind of explicitly unequal relationships, which are more about reinforcing power and control than real desire, are very, very unlike the equal and loving mutual partnership between Joe and Nicky, where they were clearly happy to please and respect the other in whatever way.

It has not always been the case that same-sex activity would automatically be defined and suspect, though yes, there has never been an instance in Western history where it was placed uncomplicatedly on the same level as opposite-sex activity. It had to be constructed that way. As I keep saying, modern homophobia is a lot more stringent and explicit than any medieval expressions thereof, because if “homosexuality” was not constructed as a clearly recognized identity, there was less ability to rail against it. In fact, the usual rhetorical tactic was to just ignore it. Sodomy is known as the “silent sin” or “peccatum mutum” in Latin, because moralists usually didn’t talk about it or discuss it or give it an actual framework for debate and thus implied legitimacy. There were obvious exceptions (Peter Damian, Peter the Chanter, Bernardino of Siena, Heinrich Kramer, etc, etc) and as the medieval era went on, homosexuality became more grouped in with other undesirables. But that also reflected a growing visibility/awareness among people as to what it was. As I keep saying, you can’t be anxious about something, you can’t be worried about people being susceptible to it, you can’t be worried that it’s happening in reality, if it’s just an abstract concern of rhetoric that only a handful of churchmen know about. The increasing visibility of queerness as a category of exclusion in late medieval polemics reflected a) the social stress of the crises of the late medieval world and the usual function of Others as a scapegoat and b) the fact that by then, people must have had enough awareness of it as a pattern of consistent behavior for clerics to get mileage out of attacking it.

Anyway. In an attempt to summarize: historians can’t possibly know how historical queer people felt about themselves, if they were influenced by societal or internalized homophobia (itself quite different from modern homophobia), how much of the dominant social narrative they accepted, the reasons for the choices that they made, if they saw their queer preferences as a sin or as a valid lifestyle, and so on. But it seems unlikely that historical queer people specifically in loving long-term relationships, such as Joe and Nicky, would be unduly tied to much of that, and that has always been the case.

[gffa]

There are many things about Star Wars Legends’ continuity that I enjoy and still miss being an active part of the canon, as well as I’m with Pablo on this--it doesn’t really matter if it’s Canon or Legends, only if you enjoy it as a story or not!  Lots of fans do a lot of cool things with Legends and that’s great, we’re under no obligation to (or does LF even want us to) forget or never play with Legends materials! But what’s interesting to me (as someone who has spent a lot of time sort of trying to filter out all this stuff in my own mind, to highlight for myself what’s my assumption, what’s common fanon, what’s actually said by the creators, etc.) is that Lucasfilm was always pretty consistent about how George Lucas never considered any of the EU canon.  Even when he borrowed elements that looked fun or cool from it, it still wasn’t canon to his Star Wars.  That doesn’t make it not canon unto its own Legends self!  But it wasn’t part of his Star Wars. Nor is it part of the Lucasfilm Canon now--which I think you could separate out from George Lucas’ Star Wars if you wanted (which would basically then just be the first six movies + TCW) but they’ve repeatedly said that they’re trying to stay true to George’s themes and worldbuilding as much as they can, as well as the Story Group has talked about how Legends is not a great example of worldbuilding that’s consistent with George’s, especially when it comes to the use of the Force. That’s why this collection of quotes from @grim-on-the-darkside​ is so fascinating and I really wanted to collect them together (from here and here) to have them in one easy to find place!  How it pretty clearly shows that the EU was never meant to be canon to George Lucas’ SW, not before he made the prequels + TCW and not after. ➜ "There's this notion that everything changed when everything became Legends. And I can see why people think that. But, you know, having worked with George I can tell you that it was always very clear -- and he made it very clear -- that the films and the TV shows were the only things that he considered Canon. That was it."  So everything else was a world of fun ideas, exciting characters, great possibilities, the EU was created to explore all those things. But from the filmmaking world I was brought into, the films and TV shows were it".  --Dave Filoni speaking about working with George Lucas, The Star Wars Show ➜ “Lucas’ canon – and when I say ‘his canon’, I’m talking about what he was doing in the films and what he was doing in The Clone Wars – was hugely important. But what we were doing in the books really wasn’t on his radar.” --Leland Chee, 2018 ➜ "Dave Filoni is better equipped to relay Lucas’ true feelings about the EU."  --Leland Chee ➜ "The terminology of 'Expanded Universe’ was a careful one; it expanded on the world created in the core stories, but was never officially meant to be Star Wars canon, according to the Maker himself, George Lucas."  --Dave Filoni 2017 ➜ "The EU is a well of ideas, and there's what's on screen. They don't live in the same universe. Everyone wants to think so, I know… We just need to think of it all as a creative collection of fun ideas separate from what George Lucas has made."  --Dave Filoni articulates his opinion and treatment of the Expanded Universe ➜ Pablo Hidalgo on Lucas and the EU being separate Universes:  "He [Lucas] only considers his movies and TV projects as his universe, and told the Clone Wars writers to only worry about those." ➜ "In the old days, George Lucas saw his universe as seperate from publishing [EU].He wasn'tat all interested in connecting."  --Pablo Hidalgo [Lucasfilm Story Group] 2016 ➜ But Lucas allows for an Expanded Universe that exists parallel to the one he directly oversees. […] Though these [Expanded Universe] stories may get his stamp of approval, they don’t enter his canon unless they are depicted cinematically in one of his projects.”  --Pablo Hidalgo, Star Wars: The Essential Reader’s Companion, October 2nd, 2012 ➜ "Star Wars: The Clone Wars is the biggest education on how George Lucas saw his Universe. Over 44 hours of his storytelling compared to the 13 hours or so he spent in live action."  --Pablo Hidalgo 2018 ➜ “For me and my training here at Lucasfilm, working with George, he and I always thought the Expanded Universe was just that. It was an expanded universe. Basically it’s stories that are really fun and really exciting, but they’re a view on Star Wars, not necessarily canon to him.That was the way it was from the day I walked into Lucasfilm with him all through Clone Wars, everything we worked on, he felt the Clone Wars series and his movies were what was actually the reality of it all, the canon..."  --Dave Filoni ➜ "From Issue 77 Of Insider, Using Dark Empire & The Thrawn Trilogy As Examples.Those works are the creation of their respective authors with the guidance of editors at Lucas Licensing. They are not, nor ever were, meant to be George Lucas' definitive vision of what happens next" ➜ "That’s one of the biggest debates in Star Wars, what counts? The idea of what is canon? When I talk to George I know that he considers his movies, this series and his live-action series canon."  --Dave Filoni, SW:TCW 2008 ➜ "This is Star Wars, and I don't make a distinction between [The Clone Wars] series and the films."  --George Lucas, SciFiNow, October 2011 ➜ "'The Clone Wars' was rooted in George Lucas and his characters."  --Dave Filoni ➜ "And now there have been novels about the events after Episode VI, which isn't at all what I would have done with it. The Star Wars story is really the tragedy of Darth Vader. That is the story. Once Vader dies, he doesn't come back to life, the Emperor doesn't get cloned and Luke doesn't get married..."  --George Lucas, Flannelled One, May 2008, "George Lucas", 'TF Interview', Total Film Magazine ➜ ”The novels and comic books are other authors' interpretations of my creation.  Sometimes, I tell them what they can and cant do, but I just don't have the time to read them all. They're not my vision of what Star Wars is.”  --George Lucas 2004 ➜ ”Those [novels] are another author's interpretation of what I've created, and not to be taken seriously, as far as what is really going on in the Star Wars world.”  --George Lucas ➜ Q: “What do you think of the Expanded Universe of books?” A: "The books are in a different universe. I've not read any of them, and I told them when they started writing I wouldn't read any of them and I blocked out certain periods [they couldn't touch where the real story happens]." --George Lucas 2003 ➜ "Howard Roffman [President of Lucas Licensing], He once said to me that there are two Star Trek universes: there's the TV show and then there's all the spin-offs. He said that these were completely different and didn't have anything to do with each other. So I said, ‘OK, go ahead.’”  --George Lucas 2008 ➜ "I don't even read the offshoot books that come out based on Star Wars." --George Lucas, Flannelled One, July 1999 ➜ "I don't read that stuff. I haven't read any of the novels. I don't know anything about that world. That's a different world than my world. ...When I said [other people] could make their own Star Wars stories, we decided that, like Star Trek, we would have two universes: My universe and then this other one.”  --George Lucas ➜ “There are two worlds here,” explained Lucas. “There’s my world, which is the movies, and there’s this other world that has been created, which I say is the parallel universe – the licensing world of the books, games and comic books."  --George Lucas 2005 ➜ "George knows more about Star Wars than we do. He doesn't see the Expanded Universe as ”his” Star Wars, but as ”ours.” I think this has been mentioned previously, maybe in other places, but it's not new info, as far as I remember."  --Sue Rostoni, Lucas Licensing (LLP Managing Editor), Jun 2004 ➜ “He also said that when they started doing all this (which is allowing other storytellers to tell their own SW tales), he had decreed that the Star Wars Universe would be split into two just like Star Trek (I don't know nuts about Star Trek, so don't ask me about that), one would be his own universe (the six episode movie saga), the other would be a whole other universe (the Expanded Universe). He continued to say that the EU tries a EU tries as much as possible to tie in to his own universe, but sometimes they move into a whole other line of their own."  --Sue Rostoni,LLP 2005 ➜ “Working on ‘Clone Wars,’ it was always canon.”  --Dave Filoni ➜ "The TV series is exactly like the movies, exactly. I mean, you can see it in the clip. It’s basically just the movies only with cartoon characters. It’s basically a dramatic series, there’s a lot of action, a bit of humor."  --George Lucas, 2008 Interview about the Clone Wars series. ➜ "What George did with the films and The Clone Wars was pretty much his universe,” Chee said. “He didn’t really have that much concern for what we were doing in the books and games. So the Expanded Universe was very much separate."  --Leland Chee, 2017 - SYFY WIRE ➜ "The dual universe question comes up often. I know George Lucas has mentioned it being two universes, but that’s not how I see it. His vision is definitely not beholden to ours, but ours is definitely beholden to his." --Leland Chee 2012 ➜ “The G/C/S-level canon stuff is a construct specifically for the Holocron. Non-Holocron users would have no idea what this stuff even means and I would say most of the people who use the Holocron don't use the field, instead looking specifically to the source of the material. Individual entries are not broken down by canon level.”  --Leland Chee 2005 ➜ "I didn't have any direct contact with George about Star Wars. - I would see some notes based on the interviews or the meetings. But I did not have direct contact with George about Star Wars continuity."  --Leland Chee 2018 ➜ “Those of us writing the EU were always told, all along, from the very beginning* (have I stressed that strongly enough?), *“Only the Movies are Canon.” Sure, it was disappointing."  --Kathy Tyers, EU author [Truce at Bakura] ➜ "They’re there to be enjoyed as unofficial Legends. But, as Zahn also points out, the Expanded Universe wasn’t really ever official regardless of what the fans thought."  --Timothy Zahn 2017 ➜ "In the canon debate, it is important to notice that LucasFilm and Lucas are different entities. The only canon source of Star Wars are the radio plays, the movie novels and the movies themselves - in Lucas' mind, nothing else exists, and no authorized LucasFilm novel will restrict his creativity in any way."  --Steven Sansweet, EU Author - Director of Content Management and head of Fan Relations at Lucasfilm Ltd. ➜ "It's not something we can really worry about, so we don't. Lots of people have been working on lots of SW extrapolations for the last twenty years, in good faith. There were never any promises from George Lucas or Lucasfilm regarding the acceptance of their work into some wider canon." --Peet Janes, Dark Horse Comics Editor, Dec. 1998 ➜ "[Steven Sansweet] was asked specifically if any of the characters like Admiral Thrawn and so on would make appearances in AoTC or the movie thereafter, and *he responded quite clearly that that all the EU material is ”taking place in a separate universe”.*    [...] there were quite a few nasty mumbles from the audience when he (Sansweet) said what he said." --Steven Sansweet, EU Author - Director of Content Management and head of Fan Relations at Lucasfilm ➜ "It is unfortunate that [EU author Karen Traviss is] moving on because [of] her opinion that canon is being changed. I guess the big problem is the assumption that her work is canon in the first place.  After working with George on The Clone Wars series I know there are elements of her work that are not in line with his vision of Star Wars" ~ Henry Gilroy, SW:TCW Head Write 2008 ➜ Dark Empire Introduction -  Kevin J. Anderson:  "When you read Dark Empire, or any of the other novels [EU] remember that although Lucasfilm has approved them, these are our sequels, not George Lucas's.  If Lucasfilm ever makes films that take place after Return of the Jedi, they will be George Lucas's own creations, probably with no connection to anything we have written.  But in the meantime, enjoy these graphic stories, read the novels of Timothy Zahn, Kathy Tyers, Kenneth Flynt, Dave Wolverton, and myself.[Kevin J. Anderson]" ➜ "Canon is only what's on the screen. - Episodes I-VI, TCW and what's to come."  --Pablo Hidalgo, 2013 ➜ Question -  "My question is, what did George's treatments for 7 look like? I would love to see if they fit the EU.” "They did not. For instance, there was no Jaina, Jacen, or Anakin.” --Pablo Hidalgo, 2017 ➜ "There was no Ben Skywalker in George's Universe. He came from the NJO team."  --Pablo Hidalgo 2016 ➜ "Question from Today, but I thought this was pretty well known. George Lucas never considered Jacen, Jaina, or Mara [Jade] as part of his universe."  --Pablo Hidalgo May 2016 ➜ "I had to explain to George who Han and Leia's children were once."  --Pablo Hidalgo 2019 ➜ Comment - "I remember George specifically saying Luke never married or had a child, I think." Response - "That was his [Lucas] take, especially in reaction to Mara Jade. Jedi vows and all that."  --Pablo Hidalgo 2019 ➜ "Fast forward to 2012, when we hear George is looking to make SW movies again, I  thought 'I wonder what next Mon Calamari's gonna be. And it turns out, the Mon Calamari this time was huge swaths of the EU. There was no Jacen, no Jaina. No new Jedi Order. Chewie lived.” --Pablo Hidalgo ➜ "Does the main storyline for books and comics go through Lucas to make sure it isn't going to conflict with future movies?" "No. George doesn't give us much information about his future movies until he's making them. In general, George does not take the EU into account when he's making his movies."  --Sue Rostoni, LucasBooks/LL Managing Editor, July 17, 2003 ➜ "I know that GL doens't create the storys and cocepts for the SW novels, but does anyone know if he approves overall story ideas?” “George doesn't see the overall story ideas or concepts. If there is a sensitive area, or if we are developing backstory for a character he's created or mentioned in an interview, we can query him to get more information, his approval, or whatever. And yes, we always query him if we're doing something drastic to a film character. I believe he does read the concepts for the games though."  --Sue Rostoni, Lucas Licensing (LLP Managing Editor), Jun 2004 ➜ “As far as ‘legitimate continuation of the films’ -- If George had continued making SW films past Return of the Jedi, I don't think they would have reflected what the SW authors have written. The books, comics, etc., are a ‘legitimate continuation’ of the Star Wars saga as we [Lucas Licensing] define it. I'm not certain of the context of your question -- somehow I feel like I'm walking into something here...."  --Sue Rostoni, Lucas Licensing (LLP Managing Editor) ➜ George Lucas’ Episode VII + George Lucas' Ideas for His Own Star Wars Sequel Trilogy + The Original Plans for the Sequel Trilogy - YouTube  ➜ Did George Lucas Consider the Expanded Universe Canon? ➜ “No, GWL has not given directives as to how things are entered in the Holocron." --Leland Chee, 2004.12.17 ➜ "...applies only to the Holocron, but is not the same as their standing in LFL's canon hierarchy.I'm unclear as to the definition of LFL in this case. I know of no other internal hierarchy currently in use.”  --Leland Chee, 2004 ➜ Once I heard that George Lucas was asked to comment on the many interpretations of Star Wars in book, comic, record, radio and TV spin-offs that grew from his original creation. 'The films are gospel,' he said, 'all the rest are gossip.' I like that."  --Andy Mangels, EU Author, Dec. 1995

[missmentelle]

Tips for following and managing deadlines in college and as an adult? I didn’t realize adulthood requires so much paperwork

Adulthood does require a lot of paperwork (as does my specific job), and I have also sometimes struggled to keep up with it at times! I have ADHD that I manage without medication, and that has required me to come up with a lot of creative strategies for managing deadlines and responsibilities. If you’re struggling, I recommend:

Use the technology that’s available. There are a lot of apps and programs out there to help you keep track of things, and many of them are free. Ideally, look for apps that you can sync across multiple devices. I personally relied on Google Calendar to get me through graduate school - you can enter deadlines and tasks, and set up reminders for yourself to jog your memory. It also gives you a visual look at your schedule, so you can see where you have space to slot extra tasks into your day. In addition to Google Calendar, I recommend checking out Any.Do, Habitica, Bear, EverNote, and 24Me. You can also use the built-in reminder app on your phone, and if remembering to jot things down is a struggle for you, iPhone users can verbally tell Siri to set a reminder for them - I use this function of Siri several times per day. There is no shame in being dependent on technology to manage your life; there are great programs out there, and it’s okay to use the tools that are available. It doesn’t matter which app you choose, or how many apps you choose - it’s about finding a system that works for you.

Try bullet journalling or using an organizer. If technology just doesn’t work for you, you can also try using pen-and-paper methods to keep your life on track. You can find pre-made organizers and agendas at any bookstore, complete with calendars, to-do lists and daily agendas. If you want more control over format, you can also look into starting a bullet journal. It may take a while to set up your bullet journal and get the hang of using it, but when you’re done, you have a fully customized organizational system that can help you track whatever needs tracking in your life. I personally use a bullet journal, and I find it immensely helpful. 

Invest in a filing cabinet. Shoving important documents into random drawers and cupboards is an excellent way to not be able to find those documents when you need them. Invest in a small filing cabinet, and take an afternoon to sort and label your important papers. All your essential ID documents, school paperwork, financial paperwork, etc, should be properly sorted and labelled so that you know exactly what documents are where. The time that you spend creating and setting up this system will save you a lot of panicked hours digging through random piles of paperwork you shoved into a drawer in the future. 

Automate whatever tasks you can. If your bill payments can be automated, do it. If you have products that you regularly use, set up an automatic order of them on Amazon. If you’re going on vacation and don’t want to waste hours emailing everyone to let them know, set up an automatic reply that lets people know when you’ll be back. If it can be automated, automate it. The best way to keep track of deadlines is to minimize the number of deadlines you need to keep track of. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and stress.

Write everything down. The easiest way to miss a deadline is to forget to write it down. Never assume that you are going to remember something just because you promised yourself you would. If you have something you need to remember, jot it down, enter it into whatever organizational tool you are using, and make sure you set a reminder. Seeing all your tasks written out can help you figure out which deadlines are coming up first, and plan your time accordingly.

Do chores on a schedule. Trying to wing your deadlines and household chores is a really awesome way to find yourself frantically doing laundry at 2 in the morning because you have a big presentation in the morning and you’re totally out of clean clothes. Figure out a regular weekly schedule for your chores, and enter them into your calendar. Not only will this help you visualize how much time your chores take up every week, but doing chores regularly saves you a lot of time and energy - it’s much better to spend 10 minutes per week wiping down the shower stall, rather than spending 3 hours trying sandblast a month’s worth of soap scum off the tub.

Break large projects down into small, manageable chunks. Let’s say you have a huge term paper due three months from now at the end of the semester. Your grades and sanity both depend on you not waiting until the last minute to write that paper. But when you think about how much work needs to be done to write that paper - thinking of a topic, researching, outlining, writing, proofreading, citing, formatting, etc - it’s easy to get completely overwhelmed, and procrastinate working on the paper until the 11th hour. Instead of having an all-out, last-minute panic, start by breaking large projects down into tasks that don’t seem so daunting. If you need to write a 20-page paper with at least 10 cited sources, start by giving yourself 2 weeks to find 5 good sources to cite. Then in the next two weeks, find 5 more sources to cite. Then in the two weeks after that, write the outline. You get the picture. When tasks are broken down, it becomes a lot less overwhelming to do them, and you make much better progress. 

Learn to prioritize. There are two things you need to think about when you’re trying to prioritize a task - how urgent it is, and how important it is. An urgent task is one that has to be done soon; an important task is one that has a very important outcome for you. All the tasks in your life fall somewhere on the urgent-important spectrum. If tax deadline is in three days and you haven’t filed yet, filing your taxes is both urgent and important. Taking the garbage out when the can is full is urgent, but not important - nothing in your life will go terribly wrong if you don’t do it. If you want to be a writer someday, working on your writing is important, but not urgent - there’s no deadline, but your life will be hugely negatively impacted if you don’t do it. In general, when you’re prioritizing, tasks should be done in the following order: important + urgent > urgent but not important > important but not urgent > neither important nor urgent. Sometimes, prioritizing means letting things slide if they aren’t worth the time and effort to do them. When you’re a student, this often means taking a hard look at how important something is. If you have a pop quiz tomorrow that’s worth 2% of your grade, and a midterm in two days worth 25% that you are completely unprepared for, your best bet is to take a quick skim of your pop quiz notes and spend the bulk of your time studying for the midterm, even if it means getting a mediocre grade on the quiz.

Overestimate how much time you’ll need to complete a project. How much time do you think it’s going to take you to finish that homework assignment that’s due next week? Think about all the contingencies - assume that you get stuck a couple times and have to scour the internet for answers, or call up your friend who took the class last semester. Maybe you estimate that the assignment should take 4 hours total to complete. Perfect - now schedule yourself 6-8 hours to actually get it done. People tend to dramatically overestimate their own efficiency, and underestimate the time it takes them to actually finish important tasks. If you don’t want to be scrambling all the time, the best thing you can do is intentionally overestimate how much time you need. 

Do a regular “life audit”. Every 1-2 weeks, block out some time to sit down and take stock of everything that’s going on in your life. How did the previous week go? Did you get everything done that you needed to? Is there anything you need to catch up on? What are the things that are coming up in your life? What needs to get done this week?  Are you making progress toward your goals? How’s the household chore situation? What do you need to prioritize for the week ahead? Is there anything that you’re wasting too much time on? Are there any papers or files that you need to put away in your filing cabinet before they get lost? Checking in with yourself regularly gives you a chance to catch small issues before they can snowball into enormous problems. 

Staying on top of deadlines is a skill, and it’s easy to mess up every now and then. We all do it. The key is to keep trying, and to keep striving for improvement. 

Best of luck to you!

[aforrestofstuff]

What do you think the OPM characters' guilty pleasures would be? I feel like Tatsu loves soap operas and Atomic Samurai secretly loves a really popular boy band, like SMAP

Thanks for your request, anon! Sorry this took me so long to get to, you were buried in my inbox lol. But I hope this was worth the wait because oh boy this required all 3 of my brain cells.

Tornado of Terror: As you said, soap operas. She also loves candy apples in canon. But...she also is a HUGE fan of those really cheesy Cosmopolitan magazines that have all of the personality quizzes and the “which hot male celeb would date you” scenarios. She doesn’t fall for it one bit. In fact, she hate reads those fuckers in the same way that people pay to go see bad movies. It’s fun.

Silverfang: Yoga and following along to some cheesy-ass 80s workout videos. I’ve said he likes yoga in a previous headcanon, but he also likes to exercise along to some obnoxious 80s pop while some dude in a leotard instructs him on what to do from a TV screen. He wears sweatbands and legwarmers, too. The whole shebang. He only does it when he’s alone, though. Sometimes he’ll try to teach yoga to his disciples as a way to help them decompress after a long training session, but his workout tapes are his best-kept secret.

Atomic Samurai: I don’t know what a SMAP is, but he’s definitely got some questionable music choices going on considering he’s... well, the way that he is. I’d say he likes to listen to old country, like Marty Robbins and Glen Campbell. It’s really funny because you’ve got this intimidating man from Japan (or a fictional universe basically set in Japan) with a badass katana and shit but inside that empty head of his, there’s just a faint “out in the west Texas town of El Paso....”

Child Emperor: Picking at scabs. He’s often on his knees fixing shit in his lab, and he probably gets burned all the damn time from playing around with lasers so he’s undoubtedly always has a wound healing somewhere. Whenever he’s working on something, he’ll just absentmindedly pick at his scabs. It’s a bad habit and he knows it, but nothing beats the feeling of peeling off an entire patch of that shit. So satisfying.

Metal Knight: Buying books. He doesn’t even read them. He just buys bigass novels with smart-sounding names to fill up his library because he thinks it’ll make his dick grow another three inches or some shit. One of the few things he likes in this world (besides homicide) is the smell of a new book. If he’s feeling particularly pissy, he’ll go into his library and just ssssssnnnnnnnnnniififfffffffffff. He spends an outrageous amount of money on it. If he has anyone over (which is unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) and they mention his library by asking something like “have you read all of these?” It’ll be one of the few times in his life that he’ll feel shame.

King: Reading and writing fanfiction based on his favorite video game/anime series. Nobody knows he does this except his small following online, of course. And even more so, nobody online knows he’s an ultra-popular S-Class hero who’s friends with the most powerful man on earth. He’s actually a pretty decent writer, he just doesn’t take himself too seriously so the plotline to his stories tend to get a little haywire and overly self-indulgent. Let him have his fun. He just wants to be a Sailor Scout.

Zombieman: Singing. He actually used to be a good singer (he sounded like a discount Steve Perry back in the day), but constant smoking really fucked up his voice. He might as well have lungs the size of grapes because he can’t carry a note for more than 2 seconds without wheezing like an accordion with asthma. He’s never sang in front of anyone before because he thinks it’s silly thing that isn’t worth showing off. Play anything from The Eagles though, and he’ll have a hard time resisting.

Drive Knight: He likes to open up panels in his arms and legs to play with the wires (basically a robot’s version of nerve endings, I’m assuming) just so he can feel something. It’s kind of sad because he doesn’t experience pain or the cold or being tickled... (I know what y’all are thinking and you’d better STOP). So he sometimes takes it upon himself to dick around with his insides and dip his toe into what it feels like to be human, even if it’s just for a little bit. He’s super secretive about it (he’s just secretive about everything, really) because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he desires something outside of being a weapon of mass destruction justice.

Pig God: His whole schtick is basically indulging in a guilty pleasure — pigging out on delicious food with no regard whatsoever for one’s overall health. Other than that, however, he does like to collect body pillows. There, I said it. All he fucking does is eat and he’s too much of a big boi to be going out 24/7, so he’s gotta be on the internet/watching anime/playing video games/reading manga during all of that downtime between his stints of doing hero work. His bed is fucking ginormous to handle all of that big boy-ness and on it, he has his body pillow nest. He rests on a throne made for kings. A true icon.

Superalloy Darkshine: Also working out along to some cheesy 80s exercise videos. His hero outfit was inspired from what those ravishing instructors would wear on the television. Well, it was supposed to be a full leotard but it ripped every time he flexed just a tiny bit so the speedo is the only thing that’s left. He’s gotta hella rhythm and keeps up with the music using little to no effort. Although, he can’t go too hard because he’s also a big boi and he’ll literally shake the entire building if he gets too turnt up. Dance muscle boy, dance.

Watchdog Man: Eating too many dog treats lol. Sometimes while he’s stationed on his little podium thing, visitors will leave him little offerings like dog treats and other miscellaneous food items/toys. He never takes them or eats them in front of people, but he often brings everything home with him after a long day just to gobble that shit up. He’s gained a little weight since he started doing it but you can’t even notice it because his suit is hella bulky. Some of it is due in part to stress-eating because being a dog and dude at the same time is hectic, but it’s honest work.

Flashy Flash: Racing shit. Whenever he’s on his travels during, say, assassination missions or hero work, he gets hella bored really quickly. So, to help with this, he’ll often race birds or planes flying in the sky on his way to his destination to see who’s quicker (it’s always him). Sometimes he’ll even play catch with himself by throwing a pine cone or something and running to the place he guesses it’ll land before it even touches the ground. He just does a ton of weird speedster shit whenever he’s bored and he’ll deny it if anyone asks.

Genos: Purposefully putting a little bit too much oil on his joints after each upgrade so he’ll be as slick as a salamander. It’s a really funny feeling to be able to move your limbs with little to no resistance without having to worry about popping or breaking anything. It just makes him feel so agile despite being like, a hunk of actual metal. If he wasn’t so uptight, he would loosen the screws in his fingers to he can bend them almost all the way back (he’s actually thought about it a few times), but both Dr. Kuseno and his 3 remaining braincells attested to that. He just likes to tinker around with his body and see what weird shit he can do. It’s a bad habit because it’s led to a few things being broken on multiple occasions.

Metal Bat: Zenko’s shitty pop music. Whenever he drops her off at school or piano practice, he’ll immediately go home and blast that shit on full volume (because he’s practically deaf from always jumping out of falling buildings and continuously blasting music in his earbuds) while doing chores and the like. He’s one of those people that HAVE to have something going on in the background as they’re getting shit done. He’d rather be caught dead than listening to the OPM equivalent of Taylor Swift because he knows Zenko would never let him live it down.

Tanktop Master: Wearing suits around the house when he’s not even going anywhere. He’s got to wear his tanktop 24/7 whenever he’s in public to keep up The Image (which he has no problem with, he genuinely loves the tanktop ideology) but he also needs to feel fancy every once and a while. So, if he happens to have the time while in between appearances, he’ll prance around in a suit tailored just for him. Because he’s so fucking huge that he had to pay someone a large sum to custom make an outfit that actually fits. He is 7-motherfucking-feet tall. 7.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Making Valentine’s Day cards all times of the year. Listen, it gets boring as hell in prison. Sometimes the guards will let all of the inmates have a little glitter and glue to keep themselves busy because no harm can come of a little arts and crafts, right? He likes to make cards on the daily just to let all of his lovers know how much he appreciates them. If they express even the slightest amount of disdain for his creations, he’ll spent the next week crying in the darkest corner of his cell block. He also likes origami. Origami is huge in prison because it’s hella time-consuming and guaranteed to calm a busy mind. His favorite things to make are little unicorns.

Amai Mask: Bath bombs. There have been several mishaps in which he’s used a poorly-made bath bomb and came out of the tub looking like Shrek but he’s grown and lot since then, okay? After a long day or a particularly stressful concert, he’ll sink into some hot water and drop a ball of lavender-scented goodness in there. It’s become a bit of an addiction because he’s got multiple cabinets dedicated solely to his collection, but at least he always smells divine.

Iaian: Shakespearean dramas. Kama got him hooked on theater shit and he’s since ripped through all of the most well-known plays. He thinks in iambic pentameter. It wasn’t always noticeable since he’s a quiet, well-reserved guy but his fellow disciples and Kami have recently noticed that he’s developed a bit of a dramatic flair. Even worse, he’s started calling himself a knight whenever he puts on his armor. Everyone prays it’s just a phase but seeing as how stubborn Iaian is, that seeks highly unlikely. Kami is dying inside because he can’t handle another drama nerd.

Okamaitachi: Soap operas, like Tatsumaki. Kama is the most dramatic out of all of the disciples so it’s only natural that she’d like the most dramatic genre of any show out there. She doesn’t exactly watch them religiously though. She’s the type of viewer to drop off the face of the earth for three seasons and come back without knowing what the fuck is going on (because the disciples have limited access to cable due to Kami’s dumbassery and ignorance to anything technology-related), but still cry during the finale anyway because oh no these people are so hot and one of them is deaaaaaad and the other one is that person’s long-lost sister....

Bushidrill: Taking alcohol from Atomic Samurai’s stash every so often. Bushidrill knows what the good shit is and he could buy it himself if he wanted to, but why would he when there’s a perfectly good alcoholic to steal from living right down the hall? He only takes in small doses because, believe it or not—he’s smart, but Kami isn’t gonna notice regardless of whether or not Bushi takes 1 or 5 bottles at a time because the old shit couldn’t spot a purple raccoon if it was 3 feet in front of him. There have been times where Bushi has opened bottles of Kami’s alcohol right in front of him just to play God and he always, without missing a beat, says “Oh, we have the same taste. How neat.”

Fubuki: I’ve said this before in a previous headcanon, but she has a mild obsession with Victorian aesthetic. She’s got a small collection of semi-authentic ballgowns that cost upwards of a-fuckton-of-money each, but anything’s worth it to be able to play dress-up with Lily. Fubuki’s favorite thing is making Lily feel beautiful because everyone has been an insecure teenager at one point and she knows how it feels to not be comfortable in one’s own skin. This isn’t exactly a guilty pleasure because she’s not guilty about it, but it’s almost gotten to a point where an intervention is needed. She’s got so many damn dresses and sooooo much fine china....

Saitama: Retail therapy, lol. Saitama is only good at budgeting because he has no choice given how fucking poor he is, but give this boy even a little bit of leeway and he’ll buy the ugliest clothes (to which he thinks look poppin’) and the best meats without even batting an eye. His entire manga collection is the product of him having little to no self control the moment he realizes he’s got a bit of money to spend on himself. This is also the only time he’ll experiment with cooking because now he can actually afford to fuck up, literally.

Mumen Rider: Sweets! I’ve said this in a previous hc but he has a major sweet tooth. You can substitute salt for sugar in any given recipe and he’ll see it as a major improvement because he just goes absolutely buckwild for anything sweet. His pancreas is suffering, but he believes nothing feels better than curling up under the covers on a rainy day with a heaping helping of milk chocolate. The only thing that makes him feel better after getting beat to shit is a kiss on the cheek and box of his favorite cookies (and some bananas, lol).

Sonic: Like Flash, he also likes racing things. But, in addition to that, his guilty pleasure is doing his own hair in elaborate hairstyles (when it was longer). He’s pretty much homeless so he’s got a lot of time to himself in between murders. This is when you can find him sitting in the woods somewhere braiding flowers into his hair and tying it off with a moss ribbon. He’d never admit he does this because he’s a big macho man and he’d probably cry.

Garou: Spicy chips. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he absolutely inhales his food without even tasting it half the time so it’s not even like he gets to enjoy the flavor that much. He just likes the burn because he’s a shithead. He also doesn’t fear death or a torn-up asshole, so he’ll eat an entire family-sized bag of the OPM-universe equivalent to Takis without even batting an eye. He’s been beat to shit so many times that the agony that comes with downing so much spice is lost on him. He doesn’t even need water. It’s insane. Someone stop this madman at once.

[lordbhreanna]

Glad to see you come back to Valenvaef after a long hiatus! I have a few questions for you.

Do you think Nikolai will ever take Jill to Moscow and bring her to his mother's grave or at least take her sightseeing around the city? Will he ever tell her about his old life in Russia or even tell her what happened to his mother?

Now I have a headcanon for you. After Jill's mission in Russia and the fall of Umbrella but before the formation of BSAA, Nikolai takes her to Hawaii for a one-month long vacation to help her relief from all the stress from work. He rents a beach house there and they don't leave the house much during the first week, too busy making love around the house and enjoying each other's body. After that, they spend the rest of the vacation relaxing on the beach, going swimming, mountain climbing or diving and hanging out in restaurants. Or just doing things indoor like movie nights, reading together or just chatting like a normal couple. Jill takes her leave with the excuse of "family matters" but when she comes back she looks so refreshing that her coworkers wonder why.

I'm so glad to be back in full force too! I have never abandoned the ship, of course, but the writing block really stressed me out, and there was some other IRL stuff thrown in the middle - but yeah, I'm trying to be more active again and, most of all, I am writing the fic once more 😆 And after all the revisions I've made, I think this break has been for the best. Thanks for the welcome ❤️️❤️️❤️️

I love the idea of Nicholai taking her around Moscow and showing her the city. In general, if I think about them in a more stable situation, I believe travelling would be something they do often? Like they are busy people, especially Jill, but from time to time they simply vanish and go somewhere just the two of them. And yes, he'd have to eventually open up about all that to her - once things start to resolve between them. Jill would be the only person he has ever spoken about it - not because they're a big secret or anything world shattering, but simply because that's something that makes him look vulnerable and "weak," something he'd bury it away and dismiss (doesn't go with the money-hungry bastard attitude), so telling Jill would be a big huge step for him and it'd show how much she means to him.

Speaking of travelling, that relates to your headcanon 👀 I love your idea! If I were more of a smut writer, that'd definitely lend itself for the biggest smut ficathon, too 😆 Love the details you added and how her coworkers might notice she looks better and different after her escapade. I do have something somewhat similar in mind for the future, though the timeline is a bit different for LO&W spoiler reasons, and I was thinking they'd go visit Italy? For no other reason than Spain is linked to Ada/Leon (my other big RE OTP), so why not have a different Mediterranean country for Jill/Nicholai? Also because if I do ever get to write that, at least I have visited Italy a couple of times, so I'd be slightly more familiar XD Though Hawaii sounds great!

[tsarinastorm]

Lace & Paper Flowers-Adam Sackler/Reader-Part 1

Words:3100

Rating: Explicit, there is smut

Adam sat in the elite Manhattan bar, drinking his seltzer and trying to get his mind off of things. It’s been three months since Hannah rejected him. He had told her that he wanted to be there for her and her baby, he had thought that they were meant to be after everything they had been through. Then that dream was soon spoiled. He went back to Jessa, thinking that maybe she was the one he was meant to be with after all. Things were over with Jessa too, not long after their reunion, they had another explosive row where his apartment was yet again trashed. After that he told her that he wanted to put things on hold, she took as her chance to make another exit. He had no idea where she was, only that she was no longer in the city. And that Hannah was no longer in the city, she was somewhere upstate with her baby boy.

               He had chosen this bar because it was elite, and the best place to find a woman who would put Jessa and Hannah to shame. It had been while since his last lay, and he needed a good fuck. He may be out of his league, but it would be worth it for one night. Maybe if he’s lucky it will turn out to be more than just fucking and more than one night. He decides that he’ll get a drink to loosen up, so he orders a shot of whiskey. While he’s debating whether or not to take a sip of the drink, he sees a beautiful woman walk into the bar. She’s wearing a tight-fitting, nude pencil skirt, white crop top and white jacket draped over her shoulders. Motherfuck, he is definitely out of his league here.  She takes a seat at the corner of the bar and orders a drink. He’s going to have to decide what to do: go and make a conversation with her and see where it goes, or act like a chicken shit and do nothing.

However, he doesn’t end up having to make that decision.

               You walk into the bar on Friday night like any other Friday. This place is one of your favorites, its bit too elitist for your liking, but you’ve met several nice people here. Oh, and the drinks are fantastic. The bartender knows how to make them with just the right amount of alcoholic kick while keeping a pleasant taste. This is a place you go when you want to clear your mind. And you had to clear your mind from: you were crazy busy with your writing, and someone brought up your toxic ex today. Your ex was a toxic individual, and you’d finally left the relationship and put him on block. Hearing his name today though made you want to unblock him to see what he’s up to. Maybe if you found someone new tonight, you could take your mind away from the stress even if only for a few hours.

               You sit down in your normal spot by the corner, order your normal vodka cranberry and you notice the man who’s sitting a few seats down from you. He has long, wavy black hair, is well-built, and has prominent facial features. He’s not traditionally attractive, but damn he makes your heart flutter. Suddenly you’re happy that you chose to dress more seductively than usual. You notice that he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and looks troubled by something. He’s had the same drink since you walked in, and he hasn’t taken a sip of it yet. He keeps looking at it, obviously struggling with whether or not to drink. You assume he must be an alcoholic or someone who struggles with substance abuse.  You pick up your drink and sit down beside him.

“You probably shouldn’t drink that if you haven’t already.” He turns to you with shocked eyes and he pushes the drink towards you.

“It’s yours then. You’re right. I don’t know how you knew to say that, but you’re right.” You pull the drink towards you, away from him. You angle your body so you’re facing him.

“I can just tell. I like to observe. In my experience, anyone who’s struggling that much over whether to take a drink should probably not drink it for a reason,” you hold out your hand and introduce yourself, “I’m Y/N nice to meet you”

He takes your hand and adds, “I’m Adam. Thanks.  I needed that. What do you do? You must be successful to be here.”

“I’m a writer. Just like hundreds of thousands in this city. What about you, I can say that you must be successful too to be here.”

“I’m an actor, I do mostly theater work, and a few commercials here and there. I’m certainly not successful in the traditional sense. Though, I’ll warn you, the last writer I met was crazy. Crazy enough that it’s kind of given me a complex about all writers.” He says with half of a smile, likely meaning it as a joke but waiting to see if you take offense to it.

“You know what they say about actors, always so dramatic. I kind of have a complex about them too. I guess we’ll see if we can work past them or if our complexes are true.” You laugh and take the shot. Holy shit, that burns. You remember how much you hate whiskey. You can’t help but grimace with displeasure. Your reaction makes him laugh.

“You’re clearly not a whiskey girl. You know you didn’t actually have to drink that.” He says with a bright smile.

“Definitely not a whiskey girl. I can never control my facial expressions, I would be a terrible actor.”

               You spend the next few hours talking. You’ve had several drinks but you don’t feel tipsy at all. The two of you have talked about favorite books, food, things that are overrated, and things that are underrated. You’re amazed at how naturally this conversation is flowing. You’ve found out more about him than you ever would have expected to learn from a stranger in a bar. But he doesn’t feel like any stranger in a bar, you feel like you’ve known him your whole life. He’s talked about the plays he’s been in including giving you his best accents, the craziest people he’s met in the city, and he finally confesses that he was an alcoholic. You congratulate him on his sobriety, and tell him that it must be hard. You confess that you still lonely in the city and often find it overwhelming. You decide to talk about something else.

“So how did you find this bar? You say you’re not successful yet I’m supposed to believe that you coincidently end up in a snobby Manhattan bar?”

“Funny story. I came to this bar one time with one of exes, who was a successful artist, Mimi-Rose Howard. I guess I wanted higher quality company tonight so I ended up here. Though I’m certain I scream Prospect Heights to these people.”

“I’ve heard of her. She’s your ex? A good ex or bad ex?”

“I have no good exes, only bad ones. But I guess that says more about me than it does them. She chose to get back with her ex-boyfriend while I was still in the room to overhear her decision.”

“Damn, that’s cold. You live in Prospect Heights?”

“I do, I’ve lived there for years, just can’t make myself part ways with it. What about you? Where do you live? I’m still trying to tell if you’re like the other snobs from Manhattan or not.”

“Very funny, but no I live in Brooklyn. Park Slope. I have an apartment there I share with my cousin. She’s in Seattle most of the time though. I came to this bar one time with a date. Liked the bar so I came back here but didn’t like the date so I never saw him again.”

You lock eyes and you both find yourselves unable to look away for several moments. You make the first move by placing your hand on his knee. He makes the next move by leaning in mere inches from your neck, you can feel his hot breath on your skin. It gives you goosebumps.

“I think we should get out of here,” he whispers in your ear, then he presses a surprisingly chaste kiss right below your ear, where it meets your neck. If you had any doubts about taking him home tonight they are gone now only to be replaced with excitement. You stand up, he follows you, and grabs your hand. The two of you walk out of the bar. Then you remember you don’t know if you’re going back to your place or his.

“Your place or mine?”

“You choose. I’ll go anywhere with you tonight.” He squeezes your hand and pulls you closer.

“Mine. Let’s head toward the subway.” You say as you change directions realizing that you were going the wrong way. You sit so close to him on the train that he pulls you into his lap. His arms wrap around your waist and he nuzzles into your neck. You can tell already that he’s a cuddler. That might be nice in the morning, but first, there will be other activities.

               He keeps a tight hold on you as you make your way passed the doorman of you building. You expect him to jump on you in the elevator but surprisingly he just keeps holding you as you press the button to your floor. You relax back into his warm chest, his hands are still around your waist and you can’t help but wish they’d sink lower. You can feel him hard against your ass. You think his cock must be huge.

               You unlock the door to your apartment. You take off your shoes, and throw your jacket down. Adam follows suit. You give him the tour as you pounce on each other.

“Living room” you say as you kiss him and his large body presses you into the wall, his tongue soon begs entrance in your mouth. You part your lips and his tongue explores every corner of your mouth. You take a breath and he’s pulling your top over your head. You then feel his warm hands on your breast, you can’t help but moan as he squeezes them then runs his fingers over your nipples. Your nipples harden and a whimper escapes your mouth.

               Your hands paw at his shirt until he’s pulling it up over his head. He pulls you close to him, then picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He smacks your ass which makes you wiggle.  You point the way to your bedroom as you kiss his neck, shoulders, cheek, any part of him that you can get your lips on while your hands grope the rest of him. When he gets to your bedroom, he throws you on the bed, and he searches for the zipper of your skirt. The second he finds it, it comes down your hips pulling your underwear down with it. You’re already embarrassingly wet at this point and your cunt throbs wanting friction and to be filled. You move your hand down to touch yourself but he smacks your hand away and he traces his fingers over your folds.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, Y/N” he says as his thumb finds your clit. He begins moving back and forth, varying from hard strokes to light. As his fingers further warm you up, his lips attack your neck, and you feel his teeth graze where your neck meets your shoulder.  You feel like you might combust, and you whine loudly when he suddenly moves his hand away from you.

“You’re going to need to use your words, Y/N. Do you want me to keep playing with your pretty cunt?” he says in a smug voice. The bastard is smug while you’re practically writhing.

“Yes please, keep touching me.” You finally break down and say. Normally you would never beg any man, but you felt like you’d burst if you didn’t come soon. His fingers return to you. One finger finds its way inside you, then he adds another finger, all the while he strokes circles on your clit with his thumb. He quickens the pace of his thumb, and crooks his fingers inside of you just so it grazes your g-spot perfectly. You can feel your orgasm build, you start to feel tingly through your legs and arms. You moan, and say, “More please, I’m gonna cum.”

“Good girl, using your words” he says he continues his ministrations then his lips latch onto your nipples and he gently sucks. That’s it. You come undone, you feel your orgasm rush through you and you thrust your hips up against his hand as your back arches off the mattress and your head falls back.

               As you’re coming down, you seem lick your cum off his fingers. You then grab his pants, and unbutton them. He obliges you and takes them off. Then you blatantly ogle his cock. It’s long, thick, and the most perfect cock you’ve ever seen. He notices your ogling, “Like what you see?”

You nod your head enthusiastically. You reach out and stroke him, and he grabs a condom. Then, he moves you so you’re positioned on your hands and knees with your head facing the headboard of your bed. You decide to reach for the headboard to hold onto as you feel his length teasing your folds. Then in one quick thrust he enters you, he gives you a minute to adjust before he begins ramming back into you. The sounds being made by him fucking you are absolutely obscene. He moves your hips up as you arch your back. That’s the perfect angle because he groans and quickens his pace. You moan as his cock hits your g-spot over and over, you can feel another orgasm coming. You take one of your hands from the headboard and start stroking your clit. He grabs your hair and pulls you up so your head is nearly leaning against his shoulder. His lips are suckling your ear lobe when you hear him say:

“Are you a dirty slut who likes my cock?”

“I’m a dirty slut who loves your cock,” you barely manage to say before your second orgasm rips through you. Your second orgasm is stronger than your first, you feel your legs shake, and your body feels like a flood has been released from a dam. And you moan like a porn star. You’re normally not super vocal during sex but you couldn’t help it. Adam holds you up for another minute before letting you down, and you crash unto the bed with Adam still pounding into you.

“Ah fuck, I’m gonna cum.” Adam groans as he gives you one more thrust before collapsing on top of you. You lay like that for a while both unable to move. He eventually rolls off you unto his back beside you and he pulls the condom off. You turn to your side to face him.

“I swear your cunt is the stuff of dreams, doll.” You laugh at that but decide that you’ll take that compliment. You lay there quietly just enjoying each other’s presence as you both continue to come down from your highs. He puts his arm around your shoulder and pulls you close so your head is laying on his chest. You finally muster up the courage to ask the question that’s been on your mind the whole night.

******************************************************************************

“So tell me about her.” Adam moves to sit up so he can look at Y/N, because there’s no way he heard what she just said correctly. He can’t hide the surprise in his voice while his mind goes into panic.

“What?”

“You’re clearly upset over a woman, wasn’t that the purpose of this? I can tell by the way you’ve acted all night and my thesis was confirmed in the way you fucked me.”

Shit, he thinks. I already fucked this up is what runs through his head. I meet a nice girl who has her life together, we hit it off, have amazing sex and I’ve already scared her away he thinks to himself. He always finds a way fuck things up. He finds something to say other than what he’s thinking.

“Are you sure you’re not psychic? Because I think you’re psychic.”

“Not psychic, but I just know because I observe people like I already told you. I’m not upset by it, don’t worry about that. It was a good fuck, I came twice. It just seems like you need someone to talk to and I’m here if you want to vent”

“Well there’s a lot to it and it’s pretty fucked up, but I suppose it really started with Hannah.” For some reason he starts to tell Y/N the whole story from the beginning to the end. He has no idea why he feels like he talk to her, but he feels so comfortable with her, it has to be right.

“I met Hannah at a party.”

*************************************************************************

“It sounds like the two of you created a codependent nightmare with a real connection somewhere in there too. You liked that she needed you, and you fed her narcissism. And you went back because you thought you were needed and you wanted to feel that connection again.”

You tell Adam as you place a hand over his. You’re sitting facing him with your back leaning against his legs as he reclines against your headboard. You listened intently to his whole, twisted tale. It reminded you so much of you and your ex, it was scary. It was like he and Hannah were you and your ex from an alternate universe.

“Well you have more insight into that relationship than I ever did,” he says as he holds your hand and brings up to his lips to give it a quick kiss.

“I’ve been there too. My last relationship wasn’t very healthy either. It’s easier to see when it’s happening to someone else or once you’re out of it. And I always try to be introspective of my feelings and others as a writer. You and Hannah sound like a twisted Hemingway situation to me.”

At that last comment he has to laugh, “Can you continue to compare all of my life situations to literature?”

“Absolutely. Do you want some leftover Chinese, or I can order something?”

“Absolutely. I’m starving.”