#and still my hands will just....do it
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I will be laying on my death bed, fully divorced from reality with dementia, and the only thing I will remember is how to play A Favor House Atlantic.
#i remember literally nothing#i can go a year plus without touching a guitar#and still my hands will just....do it#claudio what have you fucking done to me#cw coheed on main
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need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#my hands are still shaking to be quite honest i could not put a lot of effort into this.#but like. brain. why did you do that#literally i have been like hopelessly obsessed with de nonstop thinking abt it for the past couple of days it is Scaring me#it is terminal its soooo fucking chronic#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#for anyone who wants to know i bumped into some guys car that was stopped for a school bus. i think my brain errored and thought#my foot was fully pressing down on the brake pedal but it wasnt.#i am like 99.99 percent sure neither of us had any major damage to our cars but we still filed a police report just in case#because insurance do be a bitch. dudes back bumper was scratched lightly and my front license plate has a dent now#also literally my first ever car accident that ive had ever yippee yay
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(looks at upcoming card releases)
I'm in danger :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#smoking#my favorite horrible crime guys are back!!!!#(my hot take is that glomas had a better story but these goobers were just SO fun)#(they should be allowed to kidnap and murder(?) at least a few dozen people. as a treat.)#man i knew there was probably going to be a fellow card and yet i still did a bad job of saving my keys#and there's this year's halloween to think about too!#normally i try to avoid leaks and spoilers but i did accidentally see some stuff and if it's real then holy SHIT#on the other hand fellow attacks by basically throwing gidel at people and i desperately need this on my team#regardless of whether or not the card is actually any good#(if they change the animation to remove gidel i am going to RIOT it needs to be either exactly the same or EVEN SILLIER)#actually it would be hilarious if their stats were terrible. just the worst. and yet...#grown man and his kid with a hammer vs a bunch of teen wizards who can shoot fire#the results may shock you#(if they do the same duos-with-the-last-release as they have been with the staff cards then i will absolutely lose it)#(please twst. it would so useless to me but SO funny)#fellow: it's showtime rollo! :)#rollo: who are you
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malanya the horse god - mixed media
#MY FAVEEEE#this gif got really cronched and you can't really make out the eyes#but honestly i just want to get this off my hands at this point#so uhhhhhh i spent weeks on this how are yall doing#i handpainted everything (except link and the particle effect) and then scanned and animated in after effects#you can't really tell it's painted because its so crunchy so lollllll#it was still good to try some new things#animation#gif#zelda#totk#botw#horse god#artists on tumblr#art#jitterbugbear art#mixed media
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aftercare ❤️🩹
#call of duty#cod#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#soapghost#my art#see the boy's fine he just had a gnar wipeout trying to stick a kickflip#fail king 😌#meanhwile Simon's doing that mr darcy thing with his hands#can't get the feeling of your phantom grip out of my palm#your blood's still under my fingernails because it might've been the last thing I had left of you...#etc...
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I've been using markers to sketch sometimes, instead of pencils, and I really like the way it looks
#sergle art#traditional art#wip#I've been doing more traditional art lately. Idk why#but I was getting annoyed by pencil smudges bc I've got some bigger pieces. just like Larger Pieces#and blurring my own sketches over time as my hand or sleeve drags over the page lowkey sucks#I promise I'm still drawing I'm just not really posting any of it lol
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#hi everyone. still thinking about ranma almost 24 hours later. the groupchat appreciated this. so#naoto and sheik are not technically anime characters i know but they fall into the same niche in my head so im counting them <3#and yes sera is serving slightly less nonbinary swag than the rest of them but i like her so im including her anyway#also i just noticed this but like half of them are doing the exact same pose. sera haruka sheik AND fem ranma#all have that little gay hand on hip moment. incredible. i need to start posing like that in photos
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Huntlow doodle dump including 3 different aus so yeah enjoy
#my art#toh#the owl house#toh hunter#toh willow#toh huntlow#toh winter#first one is a college au#next two are for a zombie au#last four are from an Dark!Hunter au#that i made so long ago but got bullied on twitter for it#but posting here cause why not#dark!hunter#take my silly warm up sketches#i promise im still working on commissions i just have to do warmups before hand#so that im prepared and ready#and huntlow is my go to it takes 0 energy to draw them#i love them so much#and hunter is my comfort character#hes so fun to draw
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happy bingge for gibsonrae1's donation to svsssaction! instead of amassing a harem, bingge becomes a cat dad bc happy cats make happy people! (even though the event is no longer accepting donations, perhaps consider donating to fundraisers vetted by gaza funds / gaza esims as supplies are very low!)
#svsss#scum villians self saving system#original luo binghe#bingge#luo bingge#mxtx#my art#i think svsssaction is still looking for pinch hitters for a few prompts if anyone is interested#i thought this one would be the simplest prompt bc it was just two words: happy bingge#me: NICE i'll just go in and do a sweet smiling bingge#hand: but what about cats tho??? cats ARE happiness#sj is the prisoner confirmed but everytime bingge gets a cat to choose a limb#the cat gets distracted by like a butterfly#so sj is spared for yet another day#it'd be funny if mbj had cat allergies in this au#that's why no scritches :c
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tsum events continue to be just the best
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#a perfect happy ending to a tale as old as tsum#everyone just CLAMORING to get on malleus-tsum's dance card#how do you even dance with a tsum. like logistically#twst don't care twst gonna just be as ridiculous as possible and i love it#i did initially misinterpret the sound effect to be malleus-tsum (somehow) kissing malleus' hand when they started dancing#my disappointment when i went back and checked :(#it still happened in my head and in my heart
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Happy Birthday L Lawliet! 🍰♟️🍭
#death note#l death note#l lawliet#death note l#death note fanart#death note movie#death note live action#death note jdrama#death note tv drama#death note musical#death note manga#elle draws#kept the items that were most relevant to each L on their side of the drawing#but I just wanna point out... musical L....#me when I'm sitting down and pouring tea as if I do it every day go through the motions like the hands upon a clock#if you're still here reading my tags please tell me who's your favorite L thank you
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So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.
#'but lucabyte didnt you already do a comic with this exact same message? that loop has potentially killed their party intentionally before?'#yes i did absolutely do that thank you for noticing. that is what the cannibalism comic is about. no that was not a metaphor. lol#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat loop#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#lucabyteart#ill ramble elsewhere some other time. maybe in a text post. but. long and short of it: even if you assume the answer to 'how do they know'#is that in sasasap isa got frozen once. theres still the fact that the loops are from sif being too distressed. how far gone does a siffrin#have to be before they can witness a party member die and notice it has no effect. how does loop feel to have planned to kill the party#during act 3. why did they NEED to show sif that. are they trying to preemtively stop them from getting the idea in their head#that maybe that might work? when they're out of all other options? when they just get so frustrated and at wits end?#loop helps in subtle ways through the whole game. and in less subtle ways like begging sif not to use the dagger. and while yes the#overarching reason you need to learn that the loops are tied to sif is because you need to figure out wish craft.... loop doesn't know the#actual mechanics of the loops themselves. just what didn't work. the power of friendship. getting the final hit in. being perfect. etc...#and besides all that.. how did loop feel during that hangout. being so deceitful. especially since before the other shoe drops#sif is enjoying themselves. but they know what's coming the whole time.#as for: why bathing? its the obvious imagery for blood on their hands/washing/never being clean. and is a bit of an inversion of the other#piece i just drew with the other casual closeness and nudity being kind. this one is cruel instead.#anyway tag ramble over ill do a masterpost of all my fanwork with some directors commentary sometime i promise. since i know im often vague
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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Would you dance, if i asked you to dance? 😫🫣
A wip for now,,,,
#wip#stardew valley#Stardew valley Abigail#Stardew valley penny#have this for now cause I’m still figuring out how the other bachelorettes would dress#for the spring flower dance#i might keep the vibes very coquettish with the lace/ruffles and ribbons#and like very cottage core obvi#cause ‘florals for spring..groundbreaking’#the flower dance gives of very strong traditional pagan fertility ritual energy????#and i am trying to figure out how some of the characters will put a spin on the ‘uniform’ they’re supposed to wear#make flower dance outfits gay af basically#let Abigail wear her converse with her dress cause baby thats just meeeee#also lowkey stressing over maximalist-ic layering cause on one hand i can see some of the gorlies are more minimalist#but i wanna play with TEXTURES#doing 2 outfits cause I’m insane and i have too many ideas#rip to my limp wrist
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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