#and spent six weeks of the summer together before having to part). They don't have time to chat in the sewer and go their seperate ways.

[spiritsong]

Aun (Durge) and Enver on a rooftop somewhere in Lower City, 1477 D.R.

I knew that it was cruel to be so optimistic, but, in my solitude, I couldn't resist the urge and spent entire days basking in idiotic fantasies, sometimes verging on prayer. (from Heaven by Mieko Kawakami)

[steddieas-shegoes]

so glad i found you

for @steddielovemonth prompt 'love is coparenting'

rated t | 1,428 words | cw: mention of previous marriage (steve's) | tags: established relationship, single dad steve (except he isn't anymore *wink wink*), steddie dads, modern au, marriage proposal

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

"Sarah, come on!" Steve yelled from the kitchen, his eyes drifting to the clock that he hoped was lying. They were gonna be late for school. Again.

"Daddy, I can't find my jacket!" Sarah came running through the kitchen, only half-dressed, no backpack in sight.

"What do you mean? It was on the hook last night."

"It's not now."

Steve groaned.

And then a jacket was thrust into his hands and a sleep-rough voice was in his ear. "Found it on the floor in the bathroom."

Steve grabbed the jacket from Eddie, kissing his cheek in thanks.

"Eddie found it, let's go!" Steve yelled before whispering to just Eddie. "Thank you, baby. Sorry for waking you up."

"Needed to get up anyway. Wanted to say bye to Sarah."

Steve watched as Eddie walked over to the cabinet that held their vitamins. He reached in and grabbed the gummies Sarah was supposed to take every day. Steve wasn't always the best about remembering them, but Eddie never forgot.

He reached in the fridge next, grabbing the smoothie Steve forgot about and handing it to him. "Since I know you didn't eat anything," Eddie kissed his cheek again and leaned against the counter holding the gummies for Sarah.

"Thanks, Eds," Steve said as Sarah came crashing back into the kitchen and reached for her jacket. "Why did you move this into the bathroom?"

"I didn't."

"Ah, I fear the ghosts are at it again, Steve," Eddie said, smirking when Sarah giggled. He handed her the gummies once she had her arms in the jacket. "Vitamins to make you big and strong, your highness."

"Thanks, Dad."

Everyone froze. The clock on the wall stopped ticking. The air was sucked out of the room.

Sarah was bright red, and because she wasn't the type to stick around an awkward situation, she turned and walked out of the room.

Eddie blinked at Steve, lips parted as he tried to remember how to breathe.

He'd been with Steve for just over a year, and while he didn't technically live with them, he spent more time at their apartment than his own. He was on Sarah's emergency pick-up list, took her with him to run errands when Steve had to work late, bought her things when the budget allowed just because he wanted to, and would read to her most nights that he stayed over. In many ways, he was her dad.

She hardly knew her mom, only spent two weeks every summer with her and was perfectly fine with that. Steve's ex-wife had admitted from the beginning of the pregnancy that she thought it was a mistake and when she filed for divorce when Sarah was six months old, Steve wasn't surprised. She had no interest in being a mom the way Steve had so desperately wanted to be a dad. But even still, Eddie never wanted them to feel like he was trying to force any type of parental power.

She'd called him Eddie until this moment, and he'd been completely fine with it. He would've been fine with it forever if it meant he got to have them both.

"I can talk to her. I don't think she meant to say it and it's okay if you don't want her to. She'll understand and-" Steve started rambling, trying to prevent Eddie from panicking.

But he wasn't. He was just doing his best not to start crying.

"But did she mean it?" He asked, voice shaking as he realized how much he did want her to call him Dad.

"I dunno, Eds. Probably. You know she never says things she doesn't mean. But we can talk to her-"

"No. I mean, yes, we should. But not because I don't want her to." Eddie took a deep breath. "I've kinda been her dad for a while now. It feels like it, at least. We've been in this together for most of the last year, ya know? I wanna be this for her and for you."

Steve was going to melt into a puddle, maybe right through the floor into the apartment below them. The nice old couple who lived there would have to mop him up.

"Daddy? Da-Eddie?" Sarah's small voice said from the doorway.

"Come here, sweet pea," Steve got down closer to her level. She was tall for her age, but even at eight years old, she was barely level with his chest. "Do you wanna call Eddie Dad? There's no wrong answer."

Eddie nodded, getting down to her level, too.

"It won't hurt my feelings if you just said it by accident, princess. I promise I love being your Eddie," he smiled at her.

He meant that, he wouldn't lie to her. But a small part of him hoped she wouldn't go back to calling him just Eddie after that. Not after he had a taste of what it could be like to be her dad.

"Well, you do dad stuff with me. Like when we built that birdhouse because I was scared the robin would have her eggs in a tree and they'd fall and crack and the babies would die. And when you took me shopping for a dress so I could go to Daddy's awards for work. And you always read to me with the voices and stuff." Sarah was playing with her hair, a nervous habit she'd somehow picked up from Eddie in such a short time. "And that's stuff that Daddy does with me all the time too, like when you're not here with us to do it. And sometimes even when you are and you both do it it feels like I have two dads. I like having two dads."

Steve and Eddie were both barely holding back tears as she spoke. She'd always been incredibly brave about her feelings.

"I like doing all that stuff with you, princess. But I would love it all no matter what you called me, okay?" Eddie said around a barely contained sob.

"But you love Daddy and me right?"

"Of course."

"And you kinda live with us."

He let out a wet laugh. "Yeah, I guess I kinda do."

"And you maybe will get married?"

Steve nearly choked on his own breath. "Sarah, honey, remember I told you that kind of decision is something that takes time and-"

"Yeah, princess. I think maybe we will. Not right now, but someday," Eddie interrupted.

Steve resisted glaring at him. He knew better than to make promises to a child, they'd already been over this before, and he could already see Sarah's wheels spinning.

"Wait-"

"So I can wear a pretty dress?" Sarah asked, as if that was the most important thing. "Can I hold both your hands?"

"If your Daddy is okay with it when it happens. But you know what has to happen first?" Eddie poked her dimple, smiling at her with teary eyes. "He has to say yes."

Sarah looked over at Steve, who was...confused.

"Daddy! Say yes!"

"He's gotta ask!" Steve exclaimed. "And he doesn't have a ring. We've only been together a year."

"Stevie."

Something in Eddie's voice made Steve pause and look at him instead of Sarah.

"I have a ring. Not with me, but. I already know you're it for me." Eddie held Sarah's hand and Steve's. "I just wanted to make sure Sarah was okay with it first. So. Sarah Harrington."

"Yes, Dad?"

Jesus, Steve was pretty sure he would die from this. In a good way, maybe the best way, but Jesus Christ.

"Would it be okay if I ask your dad to marry me? I could be your other dad and I promise I can read to you every night."

"Hm." Sarah thought for barely a second before she beamed at Steve. "Daddy, I'm saying yes. So you have to say yes. I want Eddie to live with us forever."

The most important thing to Steve was someone who Sarah loved and who loved Sarah in return, someone who was part of their family because they wanted to be, someone who felt proud to be theirs.

Eddie checked off all of that and then some.

He looked at Eddie and smiled. "Well, you heard the princess. Yes!"

Being late for school turned into being absent from school. Steve and Eddie skipped work for the day so they could all be together. Eddie went to his apartment to get the ring and Sarah made decorations for a "real" proposal.

He didn't mind that it wasn't anything extravagant. None of them did.

[msmoony7]

hey!! can you please do a fic with calum hood, maybe enemies to lovers and reader is the bands photographer or something like that (it’s okay if you don’t want to🫶🏼🫶🏼)

Love your work!!

note: hope u like it! I haven't written for 5sos yet AND i’ve never written enemies to lovers so i hope it’s good and enemy-y angsty enough. also pretend the first stop was LA and that the tour was six weeks idk how long it actually was this is just what i imagined for my little fanon fic LMAO. I kinda left this on a cliffhanger. Maybe part 2 soon??

calum hood x reader

word count: 1.84k

You wake up to the sun peeking through the cracks in your bedroom curtains. Although the weather on this day is perfect, your mood was anything but, and you wake up feeling sour. Today, you are presented with the difficult task of joining the band 5 Seconds of Summer as their tour photographer. You’ve been photographing artists for years now and it has truly become your passion. Whether it’s following an artist on your, or taking album art, you are living your dream with every picture you take.  

That’s not where the difficulty lies. You know that you’re capable of doing your job and doing it well. The difficulty lies within the band. The name of that difficulty being the band’s bassist, Calum Hood. By now, you have a long history with the band. They first invited you to join them on the Take My Hand tour last year. You quickly became good friends with Luke, Ashton, and Michael. But for some reason, Calum just could not stand to be near you. Many days and nights were spent bickering between the two of you. Arguments would come up, about your creative direction and other bullshit he brought up, leaving you no choice to fight back, creating a lasting vendetta between the pair of you. 

Of course, he made your job difficult as well. When photographing him onstage, he would mess with you and your work. Sometimes getting up in front of the camera and in your face, sometimes not letting you take any photos of him at all. And once offstage, he wouldn’t even look in your direction. Wouldn’t even address you. Despite this, your work speaks for itself and you received a message from Luke inviting you to join them again on this year's tour, The 5sos Show.  

It’s been weeks since you got the tour invitation, and months since you’ve last seen the band. All the time in the world couldn’t prepare you for six weeks on the road with Calum Hood. What he had against you, you may never know. What you do know is that as long as he presents this dislike towards you, you will be doing the same right back at him. 

Was putting yourself through all this stress worth it? You ponder for a moment when you wake up, but ultimately decide you made the right choice. You are set to meet up with the band and crew this evening before you set out on the road together, marking the start of the long six weeks ahead. You put on some music and start packing your suitcase. 

After a while, you’re happy with everything in your suitcase and zip it up. Living out of a suitcase was difficult, but you’ve had prior experience so you know the do’s and don'ts of packing. You pack your backpack, carry on, and your camera supplies and before you know it, the day is behind you and it’s time to converge with the band. You call an uber to take you to the address Luke gave you and you’re on your way. 

Traffic isn’t too bad, so you make it to the address quicker than you would have liked. The crew is already there, but the band is nowhere to be seen. You help yourself onto the bus and begin putting your things in your designated area. You feel the bus shift as someone steps on. Before you can turn around, you can already tell who is walking up behind you. 

“Well, what do we have here?��� you hear a sarcastic voice say behind you. You turn around and lock eyes with the bassist. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and a green 5sos sweatshirt. He looks adorable and cozy, and you hate him for being so gorgeous and so annoying all at the same time. 

“Not even the first day of the tour and we’re already fighting, are we?” you spit back at him. 

“Seems that way,” he replies before scurrying off to whatever hole he’s gonna bury himself in until he needs to be found again. 

The rest of the boys slowly scatter onto the bus, and your meetings with them go better than yours with Calum. Everyone picks out their bunks and once everyone is settled onto the bus, the driver begins driving to the first stop on the road and you allow yourself to fall asleep for the night. 

You wake up to the sound of fighting. It takes you a few seconds to shake off your grogginess before you hear two voices shouting back and forth at each other from the other end of the bus. 

“You can’t keep acting like this!” you can hear Luke yell. 

“Sure I can! I can't stand her being here and I’m not going to pretend I do.”

“Whatever, man. Do what you want, I give up. Just don’t come complaining when it comes to bite you in the ass.”

You can hear them shuffling around the bus as you stay hidden behind your curtain. Although your hatred for Calum was mutual, you couldn’t help but let a tear fall down your cheek as you lay in your bunk, thinking about everything you’ve had to endure from him in the past and will have to in the future on this tour. You are tired of feeling like this. Feeling beat down by him and his words, his actions. Now, you’re determined to get to the bottom of his hatred for you. You wipe away your tears, jump out of bed, and get ready for the day. 

Tonight is the first night of the tour at The Kia Forum in Los Angeles. You’re excited. After all, you do love your job. You decide that the best way to get through the tour is to ignore Calum and his antics. 

The day goes by quickly. The opening band is onstage and you’ve successfully avoided Calum the entire day. You grab all your camera equipment so you have it ready to go when the boys go onstage. 

Calum sneaks up behind you, bass in hand. “Where’ve you been, y/n? Haven’t seen you all day, it’s almost like you’re ignoring me. You wouldn’t do that though, would you?”

“For the love of god, fuck off. Get away from me.” You huff at him while grabbing your camera and walking towards the side stage. The lights go off and he shoots you a wink before walking onstage. You push all this out of your head and get in front of the stage and start taking photos of the boys. 

The night goes as well as you could have expected given your circumstances. You get some good photos of the boys. Calum was his usual self. This time around, he decided that whenever you got too close to him, he would turn around, making sure that you don’t get photos of his face or his instrument. Despite this, you do get some good photos of him. In all honesty, you think this is some of your best work. Calum looks really good. Even if you can’t see his face.

The boys all run offstage after the encore, high off of the energy from the gig. You shoot them a congratulations and you can see Calum heading in the opposite direction of you. Typical, you think. 

The next stop of the tour wasn’t for another two days, so the boys are having a party to celebrate the tour kicking off. You follow Luke, Ashton, and Michael and see that the party is already in motion. Calum’s already at the bar grabbing a drink and your body moves before you can think and all of the sudden, you’re sitting next to him. 

“What do you want,” he mutters sharply, not even looking up from his drink.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“Vodka cran,” he says to the bartender and nods at you. “I swear, whenever you get within ten feet of me I can feel my blood pressure rising,” he says in defeat as he gets up from his seat.

“Where’re you going? I thought we were finally getting along.”

“Back to the bus before I say something I’ll regret.”

And with that, he disappears out the door, leaving you confused as the bartender hands you your drink. 

“I don’t know what his issue is,” you confess to Luke once you find him later that night. An hour or two has passed since you last saw Calum and you’re feeling tipsy from the alcohol. 

“I wish I could tell you, y/n. I really wish I could. But we have no idea why he’s like this. We all love you and we love your work, I don’t know why he has it out for you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. If I’m honest, I’m getting to my breaking point. I don’t think I can handle it anymore.”

“Want us to talk to him?” Luke says with concern written on his face. You can tell him and the other boys genuinely do care about you. It makes you feel good knowing that you have people to fall back on in this drama. 

“Thanks, but I think I’m actually gonna go speak to him now. I’m just tired of it and I need answers now.”

“Well, good luck. Let us know how it goes.”

You say bye to everyone at the party and you leave to find Calum and get some long awaited answers for yourself. The walk to the bus is not far and as you’re approaching, you see Calum sitting on a bench outside, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the sky. He hears your footsteps on the ground and groans when he realizes it’s you. 

“Following me now, are you?” 

“Oh shut up, will you?” you say as you steal the cigarette from his hand, taking a drag before handing it back to him. “You’re an ass, you do know that, right?”

“What do you think, y/n.”

“I wanna know why.”

“Why what?”

“What do you think, Calum? You’ve never liked me. I’ve done nothing wrong. I literally can’t do this anymore, I don’t know what to do!”

He sits and thinks for a minute, leaving the two of you in silence. You stare at him as he stares at the ground ahead of him, waiting for a response. A minute goes by, then two. No response. 

“Are you gonna answer me?” you yell. Still, no response. “Whatever, I’m done. Bye.” You say as you get up. You start walking in the direction of the tour bus when you feel him grab your arm and turn you around. Before you realize what’s going on, his lips crash into yours. At first, you don’t know what to do and you stand there frozen. He pulls away and just stares at you, and you stare right back. 

“That an answer enough for you?” he says to you. 

“Oh will you just shut up?” you say as you cusp his cheeks, pulling him towards you once more.

[batgirlsay]

Shining Summer Memories

Playlist for Zenyuki Week 2023 by @zenyuki-festival

Glad my Zenyuki playlist draft had songs to fit this year’s prompts! Arranged the songs in order of the daily prompts (and surprisingly “Ordinary” was the only one that was a bit of a stretch... but I love the new orchestra version too much not to use!). Also thanks to @soya-ix for the Taylor song inspiration 😊

Shining Summer Memories

Sweet Nothing- Taylor Swift (Day One: Fireflies)  The Ballad of Laura and Mike- Matt Pond PA (Day Two: Park)  Ordinary (Revolving Doors Version)- Copeland (Day Three: Barbeque)  Snow On The Beach- Taylor Swift (Day Four: Constellations) Dancing with Our Hands Tied- Taylor Swift (Day Five: Warmth) There Cannot Be a Close Second- Copeland (Day Six: Festival/Fireworks)

Summary lyrics and daily prompts are cited after the cut:

Sweet Nothing- Taylor Swift (Day One: Fireflies)

I spy with my little tired eye Tiny as a firefly A pebble that we picked up last July Down deep inside your pocket We almost forgot it

You say, "What a mind" This happens all the time

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

The Ballad of Laura and Mike- Matt Pond PA (Day Two: Park)

Would you promise to try not to die? That’s the only fear of mine There could be more but I want people to hear you Singing bout the stains in the fire

I’m good at worrying When you’re gone out west The garden’s doing fine The rabbits are my friends

I think I believe in you more than I believe in myself

Ordinary- Copeland (Day Three: Barbeque- this theme is a bit of a stretch but it reminds me of them sharing everyday meals together)

Today was fine I woke up late like I always do Made work just in the nick of time And thought of you And when I returned I found you just like I always do Waiting for me like you always are

Since you came along My days are ordinary We laugh just like yesterday And I kiss you like the day before And I hold you just like ordinary Perhaps when the day is new We'll find tomorrow is just ordinary too

Tomorrow came and my shadow it was growing long I came home to find you singing songs Just the same And today it seems You're smiling like you always are Everyday it's the same old thing

Snow On The Beach- Taylor Swift (Day Four: Constellations)

One night, a few moons ago I saw flecks of what could've been lights But it might just have been you Passing by unbeknownst to me

Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful You wanting me tonight feels impossible But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around Like snow on the beach

My smile is like I won a contest And to hide that would be so dishonest And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it 'Til you do, 'til it's true

Dancing with Our Hands Tied- Taylor Swift (Day Five: Warmth)

I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason

My love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know that I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets Picture of your face in an invisible locket You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?

Oh, 'cause it's gravity Oh, keeping you with me

There Cannot Be a Close Second- Copeland (Day Six: Festival/Fireworks)

You've got an extra special heart A perfect light that shines through And it seems the hardest part Is shining back at you

So forgive me 'Cause I don't know what to do

When you look at me There can be no hesitation There cannot be a close second to you

[denimbex1986]

'Two weeks ago, on a Sunday, I literally ran out of my six-hour Patient Care Technician shift to watch "Oppenheimer," Christopher Nolan's biopic starring Cilian Murphy as the Manhattan Project scientist, J. Robert Oppenheimer. In ninth grade, I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Benjamin Bederson, who was a bomb switch operator for the Manhattan project, so the inner high school history nerd in me was ready to be enthralled by the movie of the summer.

However, the iconic and controversial "Gita" sex scene where grad student Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh) descends on Oppenheimer had me literally running out of the room faster than I ran out of my job to watch it in the first place. In this scene, the two sleep together for the first time following a communist party gathering. Midway through intercourse, Jean picks up a bound copy of the Hindu scripture "Bhagavad Gita" from Oppenheimer's bookshelf, and asks him to read from it – where we get the foreboding quote, "Now I become death, the destroyer of worlds" – before proceeding with the act as he continues to read. Although the film has received rave reviews, this scene has garnered immense criticism from Hindu nationalist group, Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), for its insertion of religious scripture into sexual intercourse.

Disclaimer: I started squirming in my seat during the scene and spent a good 10 minutes afterwards in the bathroom stall, calming myself down. Then I bought a blue Icee and ran back in to watch the rest.

The scene, although uncomfortable, was mind-opening. All of a sudden my present started to articulate my past forward as I was transported out of the movie theater and into my eighth grade health classroom. Today's topic: the forms of sex. All three forms – as my teacher called it. As someone who didn't even know that sex existed until that moment, I immediately started twisting in my chair and had to leave the room as the teacher's descriptions got more and more detailed. My mind could not handle the fact that two people could crave touching each other's private parts out of choice or out of adoration. But several of my classmates were unfazed. And several of them laughed at my reaction for weeks.

At that point, I knew I had to change. I had to take initiative to learn what my parents had always avoided discussing with me. So, I started reading "Game of Thrones" and its fanfiction to educate myself. And lots of it. By the time I had finished high school and college, I had read so much of it that I thought I had numbed my mind to sexual thought and literary depiction. But that "Oppenheimer" Gita sex scene told me differently.

When I saw it on screen, I still could not handle it.

Growing up in a conservative Indian American household in the midwestern United States, I never heard from my parents discussions about certain bodily actions seen as "obscene" or taboo and why society perceived them in that way. I'd never seen them even kiss each other in front of my sister and me. I never had a person who could talk candidly with me about embarrassing or scary changes in my body and make them no longer seem so mysterious and foreign. After that revelatory eighth grade sexual health education class, there were questions that I was dying to ask but knew it was not OK to ask my mom or dad. To them, there was no comedy nor beauty in discussing sex and sexuality, especially when they were starting from scratch with someone like me, who was on the brink of puberty but still had many gaps in her knowledge. I wondered why my parents always shied away from this topic – even when it is something so deeply human and important.

"You don't have to know these things. The more you know about it, the more you will want to jump in earlier," my mom would say. "I don't know why they teach these things to kids so early in this country."

Two years later, in 10th grade world history class, I was a raging "Game of Thrones" fan who had read almost every Sansa/Tyrion fanfic on the internet (including the rated M for mature ones). We were learning about ancient India, and my favorite teacher of all time told us something that shocked me more than the Oppenheimer scene: that early Indian civilization was a pioneer in and center of sexual desire.

Across the whiteboard he had written in all caps these words: KAMA SUTRA.

"Do you know what this is," he yelled across the room to the whole class. "Anyone? How about you, Sibani?"

I was the only Indian American student in my high school class. I honestly and vigorously shook my head. I worshiped this man on many levels, but I sincerely did not know the answer to his question. I was also embarrassed that I didn't know about this supposedly very important text from my own culture.

"This is a book . . . about sex," he continued. "All the different positions and the ways to enjoy them. And it originated in INDIA."

I felt my face flush. My parents had ensured that I watch re-enacted versions of the Indian epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana on our tiny TV screen in my small Iowan midwestern town. My late grandmother had ensured that I learned how to speak my native language TamiI, and my parents pushed me to retain that. They put me through Carnatic singing lessons over the phone to help me better connect with my heritage and culture. Yet, they had conveniently chosen not to mention this uncomfortable but fascinating truth about the book of sex originating in India.

That day, I went home and scoured the internet. And what my genius of a world history teacher had told me was beyond true. It turned out that I did not have to even turn to the internet, but rather had to dig back into my own memories of visiting temples across South India during my summers and sometimes seeing their walls adorned with near-naked female idols. When visiting, I remember being a bit surprised that these sculptures were not taken down by the conservative Indian communities that surrounded them. However, history reveals that the communities that initially surrounded the sculptures may have been ones where sex and spirituality were united, not untied.

For example, the seven-foot-tall Sathyamurthi Perumal Temple in my motherland of Tamil Nadu, India features detailed and sacred architecture depicting intercourse. In fact, these structures are protected by the Archeological Survey of India. This is not a standalone example. The juxtaposition of sexuality and sanctity can be seen in Hindu temples ranging from the Sun Temple in Gujarat to the Jain temples of Rajasthan to the Virupaksha temple in Karnataka – all located in India.

Early India's fascination with sex is not limited to architecture but also spills over into literature beyond the "Kama Sutra." While the major Hindu epics "Mahabharata" and "Ramayana" are certainly not as pornographic as "Game of Thrones," these ancient religious epics are far from devoid of the depictions of sexual pleasure. The pages contain stories of great sages committed to abstinence, who could resist everything but the temptations of sex. Draupadi, a pivotal character in "Mahabharata" and powerful example of polyandry, simultaneously keeps and sleeps with five husbands. Hindu scripture is not devoid of sexual exposure. In fact, the "Gita "that Oppenheimer invests his mind in is derived from a scene in the "Mahabharata."

When my mom sent me an article on the Hindu nationalists' criticism of the questionable sex scene in "Oppenheimer," I immediately defended the Western approach to sex.

"The difference between the Western world and the Indian one is that the Western one can own up to human temptations and sins, versus in India, we like to hide from what makes us human anyway. Just remember that India – not USA – was the earliest erotic place in the world where a so-called 'book' originated. Read beyond headlines," I wrote in response.

However, I now realize that my scathing response – while it is not fully false – lacks sensitivity. The "Gita" is a sacred text. While it does encourage sex for procreation, it discourages sex for pleasure. I do not agree with that principle in the "Gita" (isn't sex called making love for a reason?), but I do think Nolan crossed the line a bit. Just a bit. But only a bit.

Even if the scene made me very uncomfortable, walking through Hindu temples trying to recite prayers and seeing naked copulation sculptures has also made me very uncomfortable. So, when the Hindu nationalist BJP calls the scene a "disturbing attack on Hinduism" that "wages a war on the Hindu community," that is not at all accurate either. The earliest Hindus saw sex as a soul of their religion and culture. Maybe that is not how things are today, but as a Hindu woman myself, history and religion calls upon me to pursue the truth. The truth is that sex was a characteristic of early Hindu civilizations in a way that was arguably more explicit than any scene in "Oppenheimer." The truth is that my parents and several of my Indian American friends' parents unfortunately often avoid this reality. The truth is that Nolan saw the raw sexual stuff of life as text to be read, art to be created and conversation to be generated. If anything, this scene pays tribute to the reality that several sacred Hindu spaces – even if this excludes the "Bhagavad Gita" itself – do indeed sing of the sexual.

To all Hindus in this world – including the BJP – let's not be angry and offended. We've not earned the right to be given the past. Instead, let's invite a responsible dialogue about what history can teach us about our own religion. And then, we can talk about how we would like for that religion to be accurately represented.'

[stranger-marauders]

repaired

twenty-two: leaving home

chapter summary: Kate leaves for New York City.

chapter warnings: language, parent loss, grief

word count: 2.4k

series masterlist | masterlist

IT HAD BEEN six weeks since Hopper's funeral.

Since she'd put that day behind her, Kate had been dreading another one—the day that she left for college. Since she wasn't staying in Hawkins for too long, the rest of the summer, she had been bouncing around from home to home, staying with the Byers, the Harringtons, the Buckleys, even the Wheelers. There wasn't any reason for her to settle into someone's home for her to just leave again.

Since her father had died, Kate thought about just dropping everything, taking a year to grasp the fact that she'd lost one of her best friends, but Steve had told her that Hopper wouldn't want that for her. Her father would have wanted her to do what she had been talking about since she'd been about eleven years old: go away to school. Even if it was tempting, to go off with Kate somewhere, spending time together like normal people, he knew that she would regret it if she did.

Whenever Kate had decided that she was still going to go to school, she and Joyce agreed that it would be a better idea for El to live with the Byers for now, at least until Kate graduated college. She figured that her sister would be much better off living with Joyce, anyway, especially with how she was doing herself. Besides, the Byers were leaving Hawkins behind, too: they had been planning to move in October, getting away from the horrors they had experienced there for long enough. While El hadn't been exactly thrilled with the decision that Kate had made, she knew it was for the best: she knew El would be safer with Joyce than with anyone else.

Because El had been staying with the Byers, Kate spent a lot of the time at their home. Of course, she still went to Steve's a lot, and Steve went to the Byers', but he hadn't snuck into the Byers' house once. The only time he had tried it, he immediately snuck back out: El and Kate had been sound asleep, grasping onto each other for comfort.

It had been the Sunday morning before move-in day that they finally packed her car. They'd been packing for about two weeks. It had been easy, for the most part anyway. She'd done most of her packing whenever she had cleared out the cabin, keeping everything in the boxes she had put all of her belongings in.

Steve had said he would be the one to take Kate to New York City. They'd agreed that they'd take her car, switching off every once in a while so the other could rest. Steve had bought a plane ticket from New York back to Indianapolis so she could keep her car with her, just in case she needed it.

Kate and Steve had decided it would be better if he stayed in Hawkins, at least for the time being. Now that Hopper was gone, and the Byers were about to move away, and with her leaving, there wasn't anyone else left just in case something happened again. As much as Kate wanted him to come with her, he couldn't. Not after everything that had happened.

Everyone had come to see her off the morning that she left, doing what they could to help her. Even if it was eight in the morning, they all knew it was worth it for Kate.

"Is that the last box?" Robin asked, standing in the doorway of El's room.

Kate sighed, standing up from her sister's bed. "Yep. That's it."

Robin gave her a tight-lipped smile, putting her arm around her when she walked out of the room. "I can't believe you're leaving me with Harrington."

"I know," Kate replied, her voice quivering slightly. "Take care of him for me while I'm gone, okay? Don't let him do anything stupid. Or like, really stupid."

She laughed in response. "Kate, that's absolutely impossible."

Kate tried to hide her laughter. She opened her mouth to say something, but she cut herself off when Steve walked back into the room, and Robin took her arm off her shoulder.

"You ready?" he asked, giving her an unreadable expression.

Kate nodded in response, her eyes glazing over. She turned to Robin, trying not to cry. "Rob..."

"I'm gonna miss you," she said, tears brimming in her eyes. She threw herself into the girl, wrapping her arms around her. "Don't forget about us, okay? Come home sometime."

Kate's throat began to burn. "Rob, I... I couldn't. And of course I will."

"I'm serious, I–I'll... I'll pay for a flight a–and we'll come and get you," Robin said. "Just... don't forget to call."

Kate laughed, trying to laugh away her tears. "Rob, calm down, I'm not unreachable."

Robin pulled away from her, giving a small pathetic laugh. "Goodbye, Kate."

Kate gave her an unreadable expression. "Not goodbye. I can't say goodbye."

She smiled. "Then, I'll see you later, I guess."

"See you later, Robin."

And slowly, Kate bid her farewells. To the boys, Max, Nancy, and Jonathan, and those didn't hurt nearly as bad as the last two.

She turned to Joyce, who had already started crying, and she wrapped her in a hug. "When you get there, just... just give me a call, okay?"

"Okay," Kate replied with tears in her eyes, almost inaudible.

"I–I'm so proud of you," she said, sniffling. "For still going. He'd be so proud of you, too, Kate."

Kate's tears finally swelled over. "Joyce..."

She let go of the girl, extending a piece of paper out to her. "I–I found this in... in his jacket the other day. It's, uh... It has your name on it. I wanted you to have it. Before you left..."

Kate wiped her face. "Have you... Have you read it?"

Joyce shook her head. "No. No, I–I... I got the sense that it was private. I don't know what it is, but it's... it's from him."

Kate nodded in response, her breath hitching in her throat when she held the piece of paper in her hands. Whenever she saw the handwriting, saw her name, Katie, scrawled over the top, she tried her best not to rack a sob. She finally had something of her father's, some type of last word from him: she'd been struggling with the fact that she hadn't been able to say goodbye to him before he had gone down into the Russian base.

"I'll... I'll be back," Kate said, rushing into the bathroom with the note in her hand. She took a shaky breath before she read it, leaning against the bathroom door and sliding down the back of it as she unfolded the note again, her eyes already spilling over with tears.

As she read, her tears still fell, but she ignored them: all she cared about was her father's message to her.

Katie,

I don't really know what to say to you. I started writing a note for myself after I talked to Joyce and after I'd taken your advice. It was for the talk I wanted to have with Mike and El, in case you were wondering. I don't know why, but, for some reason, I felt like I had to write one for you, too.

For a long time, I know I let you down. I haven't been the best father in the world. After Sara, after your mom left, I should've done everything I could to help and protect you, and maybe I shouldn't have made us move to Hawkins. We would've stayed in the city, but we would've been stuck with those memories, those scars that we had been stuck with that year after she had died. Yet again, I'm glad we did. It took a while, but I noticed it. You seemed happier here than you ever did at home after a couple months, even though I knew I had nothing to do with it.

Things changed a couple years ago. I couldn't tell if it was me, if it was school, but after that night at the middle school, things changed between us. That Christmas had been the first Christmas we'd actually spent happily together in five years, and I know why: El. I never asked you if it was okay to bring her in, but like it was nothing, you took her underneath your wing. I'll never understand how you can be so kind, yet so strong. It takes a strong person to do that. I've always been amazed by how well you control yourself, no matter what the situation is. It's something I know you didn't get from me or your mother, but I've found it to be helpful, even when I'm not listening.

I'm sorry for everything you've had to face at such a young age. You've had the world taken away from you and smashed at your feet so many times that I don't know how you still manage to pick yourself back up. After Sara, your mother, and especially after the mess we seem to have to deal with yearly, I'd expect you to be absolutely broken. That's why I'm so proud of you, Katie. You never cease to amaze me. You've grown so fast right in front of me and sometimes I want to turn back the clock and relive it all over again, but only better. I know it's unrealistic, naïve, but I'd do it for you, kid.

That's how I know I can trust you. I know I may not act like it, but I do like Steve. The kid's been there for you more than I have at this point. I know he comes in at night, stays with you, but it doesn't bother me too much anymore because I know he's helping you through things. Sometimes I wish you'd confide in me, too, but I get it. I'm your old man. He's been there for you your whole life, and I don't ever want to take that away from you.

I want you to know how much I love you, Katie. I know it didn't seem like it for a long time, but you've always been my light. Even when things get dark, I always know you'll be there to make things better. That's why I need you to remember to be strong. Make a mistake once in a while, learn from them. For the first time since I've come home, I'll be separated from you again, and it was hard enough the first time around. You'll be far away, living in the city all by yourself. My girl has finally grown up.

Please, for the sake of your poor old dad, don't forget about me. I couldn't stand it if you didn't come visit me every once in a while, and I don't think Steve and El could handle it either. If you don't mind, every once in a while, check in with me, at least. No matter when or where, I'll pick up. Anytime.

Dad

Whenever she had finished reading the letter, she buried her head in her hands. She'd only given herself a minute to recompose, acting as if everything was okay. She missed her father, she missed him more than she missed anything. That had been the strongest emotion she had felt since that night—the only thing she truly felt was the absence of him.

When she walked out of the bathroom, folding the piece of paper like she hadn't even touched it and stuffing it into her cardigan, she looked back up at Joyce, she found that her eyes had been glazed over, and she looked almost as if she were about to break. Whenever Kate had met her eyes, Joyce only stared at her.

"You okay?" she asked, only watching her in worry. She couldn't imagine what her father had put in the note, but she knew whatever it was, it would have meaning to her. It was the last thing she had of him.

"I'm okay," Kate answered, swallowing to hopefully help the tears go away. "I just miss him so much."

"I know."

"I'm coming back. I promise," Kate said, wiping her face from the tears that had fallen.

Joyce nodded. "I know. I'm just... so proud of you. I'll see you soon, Kate."

When Kate had looked past Joyce to see her sister, she immediately pulled the girl into a tight hug: El had already begun to sob. "Call every day."

"I can't call every day, Ellie," Kate said, tears swelling in her eyes once again. "Joyce's phone bill... it'll be through the roof. B–But you can write me as many times as you want. And call me every couple of days, and we'll get used to it. I promise, Ellie, it'll be okay. A–And Thanksgiving, Steve and I'll come see you at the new house, and... and before you know it, we'll be together for two months for Christmas."

El nodded, but hadn't said anything more than, "Okay."

"Hey," Kate said, pulling away from her sister to look her in the face. "I love you, okay? Never forget it."

She nodded, giving her a hug. "Don't be stupid."

She laughed, trying not to cry. That had been the first rule her father had ever taught her, and, in a way, it was comforting to hear it again. "We're not stupid."

As she looked at her friends, people that now, more than ever, she considered her family, Steve put a hand on her shoulder. "You ready to go?"

Kate nodded, wiping her face once again before she got into the passenger's side seat of her car. Once Steve had sat in the driver's seat, Kate tried to hide the tears she shed. Without another word, the boy started the engine, ready to drive away.

Kate could only watch as her family melted away behind her, clutching the letter from her father tight in her hand. Even after everything she'd been through, she'd made it, and for now, that was more than enough.

shattered

taglist:

@thatsonezesty13 @cece5298 @thepowerstoner @alovelytardis @coolchick333 @stand-tall-pineapple @littlet-holmes @guichu @cinderellacauseshebroke @blackbirddaredevil23 @mads-weasley @ilovemarauders @pearlstiare @liableperfections @khaylin27 @girlwiththerubyslippers @cyarikaaa

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

[cosmiclove-heavenstruck]

Midnight Quidditch Games | Harry Potter

Pairing: Harry Potter x Gryffindor!Reader (written with a female reader in mind, though the gender is not stated)

Wordcount: 3800 words

Warnings: none, just fluff and friends-to-lovers

Summary: Fred and George come up with the idea of hosting illegal Quidditch Games for all four houses every Friday night. Harry convinces Reader to play with him and they end up on the same broom.

a/n: No Voldemort Au, set in Harry's fifth year. English is not my native language, so there might be spelling/grammar mistakes. (Based on a headcanon by @/ murphcooper on tumblr)

Friday was my favourite day of the week, and there were two reasons for that: One, it was the start of the weekend, and two, we played Quidditch.

Up until fifth year, the most I had to do with the popular wizarding sport was cheering at the official school games for the Gryffindor team and attending the Quidditch World Cup in 1994. Then Fred and George came up with a very illegal, yet very exciting and fun idea, which was to host unofficial Quidditch games in the middle of the night that any student could attend. Whether it were First Years who could barely fly, or simple people that never made it onto their house's team, anyone was welcome.

The twins had planned it the first two months of their sixth year together with Quidditch fans from the other houses and had created lists for every common room, which wouldn't be readable by the teachers or Filch.

“It's illegal! What if something happens? What if someone gets hurt, how do you want to explain that to Dumbledore, or worse, to Professor McGonagall,” Hermione argued as soon as Fred and George had prompted their idea to us one Sunday evening.

“I'm disappointed. Do you really think we would work that sloppy?”, Fred asked.

“The house elves are in,” George explained. “Which means free food and free healthcare, all in one!”

“Awesome,” Ron said, and he should be proven right.

The only rules to attend were the duty to remain silent and to come in your pyjamas, just for the sake of it. Gryffindors and Ravenclaws would be playing against Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, Lee Jordan would be commenting as always and because Madam Hooch wasn't available, Hermione would be our judge. This was decided unanimously.

The first two games had occurred at the end of November, and they had been a complete mess. We had to raise the number of players on each team so everyone who wanted to play fit in, which led to three Keepers, six Chasers, four Beaters and two Seekers for each house. Furthermore, there had been a dozen of first years who couldn't fly yet and who had to be taught by voluntaries.

Those first two Friday nights I had spent with Lee, Hermione, Luna and Dobby on the commentary stand, cheering and eating chocolate biscuits. Once in a while, I had thrown a biscuit in the air for Harry to catch.

Because of the bone-chilling cold and pitch-black darkness brought by the Scottish winter, Fred and George had invented glass bulbs which carried bright orange, warm fire and hovered over the Quidditch pitch.

With the first Friday of December approaching, the excitement grew bigger and it was basically the only topic during every meal. Now that the rules and positions had set and the First Years could fly, we were awaiting the first serious game – as serious as playing Quidditch in pyjamas with Hermione as a judge could be.

“You have to play, too,” Harry said to me during lunch on Friday. My friends had tried all week to persuade me to play instead of only keeping Hermione company, while I had constantly declined.

“Yes, come on,” Ron agreed. “We know you can fly, you played with us this summer.”

“No, no way.” I shook my head and pulled the pumpkin juice jug closer.

“Why not?”, Harry asked, covering my glass with his hand. I raised my eyebrows, but he only grinned, which made my stomach tingle. But I glossed over the unwanted feeling and shoved his hand away.

“Because all positions are filled. And besides that, I would be a terrible Chaser,” I answered. “Or a terrible anything, really.”

“You could play as a Seeker,” Hermione suggested and poured herself a drink. “You're good at noticing details.”

“But Harry and that boy from third year are playing as Gryffindor Seeker,” I reminded her, cutting my toast in half.

“You could fly with Harry,” She said plainly. I stared at her with wide eyes. I should had known the moment I had told Hermione about my not-so-tiny crush on Harry that it had been a bad idea. Now she did what I should had expected: Trying to set me up with him.

“No, I – no.”

“But I wouldn’t mind,” Harry said. “And if you don't like it, I can drop you off at the stands again. Come on Y/N, say yes.” He nudged my shoulder, looking at me with sweetest puppy eyes. I couldn't say no to him, he knew that. I sighed.

“Fine.”

A content smile lit up on his face. “Brilliant.”

Around half past nine, we made our way out of the castle and down to the Quidditch pitch. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George, as well as a dozen other Gryffindor students had their brooms shouldered, following me and Hermione through the dimly lit corridors.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I whispered, tapping the Marauders Map, which soon revealed Hogwarts’ grounds, ink lines flowing over the parchment. Filch was strolling around in his office, and so was Snape. McGonagall’s ink dot hovered in the East tower of the Fourth Floor. “Everything’s clear, but keep quiet,” I informed the others.

Hermione linked her arms with me.

“How are you?”, She asked, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Shut up. What was that at lunch?”

“Oh, come on, I just said what you were thinking. Everybody knows you have a thing for each other,” She said, and I quickly turned to make sure Harry was still talking to Dean and Ginny. Hermione chuckled. “I made a bet with Ginny that you will kiss after catching the Snitch together,” She added.

I swirled back around. “You what?”

“But Ginny thinks you'll snog in a broom closet afterwards.”

Before I could reply anything, Harry had caught up with us.

“What are you two whispering about?”, He asked, leaning closer so I could smell his deodorant.

“Nothing,” I said and was glad that the darkness hid my tinted cheeks. Hermione let herself fall back, leaving Harry and me alone at the front of the group.

“You're a terrible liar,” He said.

“Says you. Remember last year when we had detention with Snape –”

Harry wrapped his left arm around my shoulders, pulling me unintentionally closer, and placed his hand over my mouth to stop me from talking any further.

“You promised you'd take that to the grave.”

I grinned and pulled his hand away, though his arm stayed around me.

We made it out of the castle without any inconveniences, thanks to Peeves, who – on orders from the twins – created some chaos in the trophy room and distracted McGonagall.

We were the first to reach the pitch, and Harry unlocked the door under the stands with the key on the necklace around his neck, which led to the changing rooms and the spare brooms. Fred and George had stored the fire bulbs under a loose floorboard and were now freeing them so they could fly over the pitch. Hermione directed her wand towards the sky, sending out a Muffliato Charm, then winked at me and climbed up to the commentary stand with Lee.

In the meantime, the other houses arrived; the Hufflepuffs were followed by a tiny body of house elves carrying fast food on tablets over their heads. They spread over the stands, consorting with the students watching the game and providing them with hot meals and drinks.

“Welcome back everyone!”, Lee's voice echoed over the pitch and the crowd cheered. “And also welcome to everyone new here who wants to play or just likes to break the rules.”

“Hello from me too. We have some new players I want to introduce,” Hermione continued. “Marina Florence playing Keeper for Slytherpuff, Arthur Mitchell deputizing for Gryffinclaw’s Chaser Demelza Robbins, who is currently stationed in the hospital wing, and Y/N playing Seeker for Gryffinclaw together with Harry Potter.”

“That's ridiculous! Since when are we playing in pairs?!”, Draco yelled out of the crowd of Slytherin players.

“Since I'm making the rules, you daft idiot!”, Hermione called back, and laughing echoed over the field. Ron's language was clearly leaving a mark on her. “Now get on your brooms, everyone!”

“Make sure you don't slip off your broom in those silk pyjamas, Malfoy, ” Fred snickered loudly, and Draco held up his middle finger.

Slowly, the huge crowd of players on the pitch flew up into the air, positioning themselves on the right spots. I turned to Harry, who climbed on his broom. That was the part I had avoided to think about all afternoon: How would we fly on that thing together?

My heart drummed so loudly against my ribcage it was a miracle he couldn't hear it. We were friends, I reminded myself. And I would not ruin this friendship for the sake of some stupid feelings.

“Come on, Y/N,” Harry said, stretching out his hand. I grabbed it, and he helped me to climb onto his Firebolt, so that I was sitting in front of him. His fingers gripped around the broom stick, not very far from where I had placed my hands.

“You alright?”, He asked and I nodded.

“Brilliant,” I said, and he chuckled. He then wrapped his left arm around my waist before he kicked us off the ground and the Firebolt shot through the cold night air. My back got pressed against his chest, his knees squeezing my thighs, and out of shock, I held onto his arm around me.

I hadn't flown since last summer, and even then it had only been on Ron's old broomstick a few feet above the earth. This here was the complete opposite: Harry's Firebolt was a hundred times faster, and it barely took us three seconds to be the ones flying the highest over the stadium.

“I got you, everything's fine,” Harry said somewhere close to my ear as he had noticed my hand clenched around his arm, and a warm shiver ran down my spin. I looked down on the Quidditch pitch.

“It never looks that high when I’m down there,” I said.

“Are you afraid of heights?”, He asked, but I shook my head.

“No.” Not with you. I could feel his heart beating against my back and absently stroked over his hand on my waist, until Hermione's voice ripped me out of my thoughts.

“Okay, I want a fair game and no injuries, is that clear? And show some respect to the youngest players! Now ready, steady, GO!” With a wave of her wand, the trunk with the Quidditch balls snapped open and the Quaffle flew high into the air, followed by two Bludgers. For a short moment, I saw the Golden Snitch, then it rushed off into the darkness.

“So, what do we do now? Any secret strategies?”, I asked.

“No,” Harry answered, placing his chin on my shoulder. “We just wait and watch.”

A tingling warmth spread through my body at the subtle touch. Gently, Harry steered the broom around the pitch, while the others beneath us played.

“Katie wins the Quaffle – passes to Montgomery – Rick close to score, come on – YES, Gryffinclaw scores 10 points!”, Lee bellowed and loud applause erupted. “And Slytherpuff in possession – Blaise with the Quaffle – Josephine Gordon from Hufflepuff takes over, excellent Chaser that girl, and rather attractive – OW, I'm just stating facts!”

Hermione had smacked Lee on the back of his head.

“Anyways, Blaise in possession once again – now First Year Conan Ivory – Smith overtakes – and he scores. Ron, look at the Quaffle, not at Hermione – OW! – But Gryffinclaw still leads – Ginny overtakes – fights off some Slytherins – hey, careful Harry, Bludger coming your way –”

Harry quickly leaned over me and the Firebolt dropped a few meters, dodging the Bludger rushing over our heads. George (or Fred?) darted after the ball, calling a quick “Watch it, lovebirds!” at us, and hit the Bludger towards a Slytherin Chaser.

The other twin was close behind, shouting “Less snogging, more seeking!”

“Shut it!”, I yelled. For Merlin's sake, did everyone knew about my crush? Was it really that obvious for everyone except Harry? Not that I wanted him to find out – he would be embarrassed, he didn't think of us as anything other than friends.

Harry's arm slipped from my waist and he cleared his throat, but a broomstick did not provide much space, wherefore his chest was still pressed against my back and I could feel his rather fast heartbeat.

“Do you, uhm... want me to drop you off?”, He asked.

“Oh. Uh, no,” I said, trying to turn so I could face him, “I like it, but if you want to –”

“No! No, I just thought...” Harry’s eyes danced over my face like they had never before and we were quite close.

“ – Applebee has the Quaffle - and that's a score! Sixty to sixty!”, Lee called, and Hermione blew her silver whistle. I ripped my eyes off of Harry and looked down to the commentary stand. “Now, we’re gonna have a short break, because Dobby thinks you're gonna starve otherwise. All the first and second years are asked to go back to their dorms, because it's almost midnight – don't complain to me –”

Harry carefully steered his Firebolt back to the ground where he landed near Ron and Ginny. I climbed off and was glad to be spared an awkward conversation, because Ginny grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side of the pitch. The sudden loss of Harry's warm chest made me shiver.

“Now, have you ever thought about making out in a broom closet?”, She asked, a mischievous grin on her reddened face. I rolled my eyes at her.

“Hermione told me about the bet, so don't even try! No one's gonna make out in a broom closet,” I said.

“Except you and Harry,” Ginny replied. I opened my mouth to talk back, but was interrupted.

“What’s going on with you and Harry?” Cho had caught up to us, snatching a plate with fish and chips from a tablet an house elf carried through the crowd. “I have watched you, it's adorable, honestly.”

“First off, there's nothing to be adorable,” I said and stole a fry from her plate, “and second, you are supposed to watch the Snitch, not us.”

“So is Harry, but he only has eyes for you.” Cho smiled and tapped my nose with her finger. Ginny giggled and ate a piece of fried fish. In the same moment, Hermione breathlessly jogged up to us.

“What – were – you – waiting – for?”, She panted. I furrowed my brows.

“Huh?” Hermione sighed and shook her head.

“You were this close to kiss him, why didn't you do anything?”

“Is my love life this much more interesting the Quidditch game?!”

All three girls answered “Yes” in union.

“But he doesn't feel the same way for me!”, I argued. “We are friends –”

Ginny grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around. “Do friends look at each other that way? I don’t think so.”

Harry stood a few feet away with Ron, Seamus and Dean, though he seemed not to listen to their conversations and instead stared over at us. At me. When he realised he had been caught, he waved shyly and almost spilled his pumpkin juice. I waved back at him before turning to the girls again, all of whom were looking temporising at me.

“Oh, I – I don't know. Even if you're right, I can't just kiss him out of nowhere on his broom.”

“No, you gotta snog him in a broom closet so I get my Galleon,” Ginny said smugly, and Hermione nudged her with her elbow and looked at her watch, before blowing her whistle again.

“Everyone back on their positions, break's over!” Then Hermione shot me a serious look. “Get the boy, we're all done of you pining over one another. Ron can get the other boys to crash somewhere else, if you need the dorm.”

“Hermione!”, I gasped, but she was already rushing back to the commentary stand.

“Good luck,” Cho said, and Ginny winked. I glared at them before making my way over to where the Gryffindor boys stood. I saw how Ron said something to Harry, patted his shoulder and flew off.

Harry turned to me, smiling. His hair was even messier than usual due to the wind, and he had put on a black hoodie over his pyjamas. He looked cute and hot at the same time, and I couldn't quite believe that he was supposed to like me back.

“Do you want to – or?”, He asked.

“Yeah,” I smiled and he got on his Firebolt, making space in front of him for me.

“Good. I mean –” He cleared his throat as I climbed on his broom. The next second, we were high up in the air, his chest against my back again.

“Okay, guys, game's on again! Go!”, Hermione shouted and waved her wand at the Quaffle, which flew upwards and was caught by Ginny instantly.

“And we're back – Katie passes the Quaffle to Valentina – She flawlessly dodges a Bludger – Back to Peters, almost made it onto the Ravenclaw team – and he scores! SEVENTY TO SIXTY.”

I took a deep breath and leaned back against Harry, watching the game unfold. He propped his chin back onto my right shoulder, like an unspoken routine.

“I think I'm gonna play again next Friday,” I said out of the blue.

“Really?”, He asked, sounding surprised. I smiled. The crowd underneath us cheered.

“Yes. If you save me a place on your broomstick.” I turned to look at him, and he smiled brightly at me. We were as close as earlier, maybe even closer. I held my breath, until I noticed something small and golden buzzing through the air behind Harry, illuminated by one of the fire bulbs.

“There!” I pointed at the Golden Snitch, and Harry's head spun around to assure himself.

“Do you trust me?”, He asked.

“Of course,” I replied. Instantly, his hand was back around my waist and he yanked the Firebolt around.

“ – Seamus throws the Quaffle to Dean – Dean passes Nott – and he scores! NINTHY TO EIGHTY FOR GRYFFINCLAW! And Potter seems to have spotted the Snitch, Draco, Cedric and Cho close behind – Come on, show them what that Firebolt can do!”, Lee's voice roared from somewhere deep down, but my eyes were glued onto the Snitch: It whirred through the ice cold December air and up to the left ring of the Slytherpuff team.

Malfoy had almost caught up to us; even though the Firebolt was the fastest broomstick on the market, it was obviously slower when carrying two people instead of one.

The Snitch twirled around the pole, then dropped down and headed for the floor. Harry followed, and now we where almost vertically flying downwards. Because of the sudden shift of direction, I swore loudly and clenched my hands tighter around the broom.

“I won't let you fall, I promise,” Harry called over air rushing past us.

“I know, but a warning would have been nice!”, I yelled back, and he chuckled.

The weight of two people on one broomstick also meant that we got dragged downwards way faster, which meant we were outdistancing Malfoy. The Golden Snitch took a sharp right turn and now buzzed two meters above the ground to the other side of the pitch.

“You have to catch it!”, Harry yelled.

“WHAT? No, I can't –”

“Yes, you can! I have to steer!” And hold you. But he did not say that. I swore under my breath and carefully loosened one hand from the broomstick, stretching it forward. The Snitch was inches away from my fingertips and I pushed myself up, Harry's grip around my mid tightening. The silver wings touched my fingers, I stretched my arm further and in the same moment my hands clasped around the tiny, golden ball, we fell forward.

“ – And that doesn't look – Oh, Potter and Y/L/N are on the ground. I can't really see, if someone caught the Snitch –”

As one tangled mess, we landed on the frozen lawn, rolling over one another and stopping with Harry half on top of me. My whole body ached and I would definitely get bruises from the fall, but that was something I could worry about later. I caught the Snitch!

“Shit, sorry, fuck. Y/N, are you alright?” Harry's face hovered over me, a bloody scratch on his cheek. I grinned happily and held up the golden ball.

“Yeah, more than alright.”

“Y/N caught the Snitch! TWOHUNDRED AND FORTY TO EIGHTY! Gryffinclaw wins!”, Lee bellowed and the crowd cheered and applauded loudly. Harry held out one hand to help me up, and I took it.

“I'm sorry, I know I promised, but I couldn't hold you any longer and –”

“Shut up.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. My hands found their way into his raven hair, and he hugged my waist, pulling me so tightly his fingers almost touched his own rips with the opposite hand. I kissed him, and he was kissing me back; it felt like someone had lit a firework in my heart, and for one marvellous moment, we were the only two people in the whole wide world.

Then the other players landed on the field, and we broke apart, catching our breaths. We were both grinning, and I felt drunk from the cold night and catching the Snitch and kissing Harry.

The raven haired boy bent down to kiss me once more, this time softer, and he intertwined our fingers before leading us over to our friends, where Ginny flicked a Galleon into Hermione's open hand.

“Took you long enough,” Ron said, who had both his and Harry's broomstick shouldered.

“Well, they got around in the end,” Cho added, leaning against Cedric, his chin propped on her head. “Sleepover at the Ravenclaw dorm?”, She added, and we all nodded in agreement.

While Fred, George and Lee collected the fire bulbs and Quidditch balls, and the house elves cleaned up the dirt with a snap of their fingers, we made our way back to the Hogwarts castle:

Ron alongside Hermione, followed by Seamus and Dean arm-in-arm, Cho with Cedric, one arm around her waist, Ginny carrying a tired Luna on her back, and lastly, Harry and me, holding hands.

“You know, I'm glad I agreed to play with you,” I said. Harry smiled.

“Yeah, me too.” He pressed a kiss on my cheek. In spite of the shivering cold, I had never felt more warm and comfortable than in this moment.

[his-breath-catches]

okay now consider karen!mike wheeler as in theyre at a mcdonalds and they get wills order wrong and mike goes insane actually like i can totally see that for mike 100%

1989. Summer.

They're leaving for college in a few weeks, albeit together. Every last night spent together, the rest of their lives on the horizon but right now it's just the two of them.

Will decided to go swimming late one night. A quick, hushed phone call. Are you serious? Get over here now. Bring two changes of clothes, and bring my favorite sweatshirt please. My mom's going to kill me. You're eighteen, Mike, and I don't have a car. You're saying you would go without me? Shut up. I'm coming over now. I love you.

Mike reluctantly picks up Will, but somehow a smile seems to creep on to his face as he drives the two of them to the quarry. It's not the best spot for swimming, but it's the most private and one of the few places in Hawkins where the two of them can make out without fear of getting caught. It was their own little makeout point, and they had frequented it over the past few summers.

Putting his shitty car into park, Mike looked over at Will. Sometime over the course of the short drive, they had started holding hands. Mike realized this, five minutes after the fact, and started blushing as Will dropped his hand to open the passenger side door.

Mike took a shaky breath. The weight of it all settled over him. College, a job, a future with Will. It was coming up all too fast and he was scared. Tonight, though, he would just be in this moment.

Will called for him, a six-pack hanging from one hand and a sketchbook and pencil in the other.

Mike grabbed a towel from the backseat of his car and followed Will. The two of them walked along the shoreline for about a minute, hand in hand (Mike took the six pack so they could hold hands), before they found the perfect spot. Their spot.

A boulder jutting out from the rocky shore, about a five-foot drop with an easy way to climb back up. It shone in the moonlight that seemed to be a spotlight on the lake.

Will pulled his shirt off and threw it on the flattest part of the boulder. Mike looked away shyly, blushing.

"You're allowed to look, you know," Will said, also blushing.

It's not that Mike hadn't seen Will shirtless before, he had seen Will naked before, for heaven's sake. It was how beautiful Will looked. He was tan from spending the summer at the pool, and Mike could see the faint outline of his abs. His skin seemed to glitter in the moonlight, and now Mike couldn't seem to pull his eyes away.

Will took a step back, then jumped in to the dark water. His limbs contorted midair into a cannonball-esque shape that wasn't quite fully formed.

His splash rippled across the water, which had had a surface of glass, but no longer.

"Shit," he said, resurfacing moments later.

"What? What happened?" Mike asked quickly.

"Water. Up my nose," he said nasally.

"Shit, dude, sorry," Mike said reflexively.

Will rolled his eyes. He hated being called dude by Mike.

"Shit, I mean, sorry, Will," he said, blushing. He was so stupid. Will needed to kiss him.

"Jump in!" he called out from the dark water.

Mike pulled his own shirt off, a dark blue sweatshirt-type thing, and jumped off of the slate-colored boulder.

1/? watch me make this a fic longer than my actual posted wip

[phoebe-delia]

Hi Phoebe! May I please ask for #15 from your song prompts list? ☺️

El, hello!! @3lvendork I am so sorry this has taken so long. I don't forget about the prompts in my ask box, and I'm lucky to have quite a handful between my inbox and my drafts, but I wait for inspiration to strike and the timing to be right for each one so I can give it my best. Still, apologies for the wait!

So, this song is "cardigan" by Taylor Swift (shocking, I know). For those who may not know, this song is part of a trilogy story on the album "folklore." It's a love triangle, with three songs each from the perspective of a different character, and I'm going to follow in that lead and do a little trilogy of my own! I've already done the one for "august." That being said, you don't have to have read the "august" fic for this to make sense, but it is taking place in the same universe, as will the eventual "betty" fic. Enjoy! cw: struggling marriage (not Drarry).

He's prettier than me.

It's okay, I know it's true. He's just pretty, with his aristocratic cheekbones and storm-colored eyes and unblemished skin; I'm covered in freckles, and I've got acne scars on the round cheeks I inherited from my mother. He's lithe and slender, and I'm stockier, my hips full and curved. And just because he's prettier doesn't make me ugly—please don't be so patronizing as to assume that I need your validation, nor am I trying to deflect so you think I'm trying to be strong.

I don't have to try to be strong; I already am.

That's the difference between him and me; well, one of them, anyway. I don't need you as motivation to be courageous. It's in my blood, in my voice, in my eyes. I am strength, and that's what you love about me.

I thought that would be enough. I thought that summer you spent with him was the last of your savior complex burning itself out before you were ready to be with someone who didn't need rescuing. And maybe if it had been anyone else, that would've been true.

Honestly, I should've known it would be different with him. You've always been different with him.

Growing up, I had to prove that I was tough, resilient, in a house full of older boys. I had to show them I was just as fast, as powerful, as smart. And yet, there's something about being the younger sister that means I'll always be a step behind in their eyes, no matter how many miles ahead I really am.

Maybe you really were too much like my brother for us to be together in the way I want—wanted. Maybe you'll always see me that way: speedwalking to keep up, trying to hide my panting breaths through snarky retorts. Because it didn't matter how many boys in your year I dated, or Quidditch matches I won, or times I kissed you first. You have six brothers, but I'll always be the closest thing you have to a little sister.

I knew that the promise of legally entering my family would be enough to bring you back to me, and I'd hoped the connection we'd had before the war would be enough to keep you there. I think it was—it is. We loved each other fully, for a while. I remember long talks on sunbathed sidewalks, nights full of takeaway and stupid films on the couch, kisses under the mistletoe, and snowball fights at the Burrow for Christmas. We fixed up your parents' old place in Godric's Hollow. Ron and Hermione come over for dinner once a week. We have a crup that we just trained to piss outside. We have jobs that make us happy to leave the house every morning and a home worth returning to. There's even a book of baby names on my bedside table.

But that doesn't stop you from glancing around the room at Ministry events to seek out the shock of white-blond hair. You'll let yourself be pulled into his orbit as much as the tether to my side will allow, but your eyes, your mind, your devotion comes back to me, ever faithful. Even if your heart is elsewhere.

Should I wait it out? Should I play the part of the oblivious wife who doesn't notice her husband's wandering eyes? Or should I live up to my promise to myself to never lose my nerve, tap into the force I keep in my blood, my voice, my eyes, and hurl the truth at your feet? Show you how strong I really am?

Maybe I'll just wait until one of us runs out of love first. Who will get there first? Will it be you, tired of pining away and wracked with guilt, sliding the divorce papers across the table for me to sign? Or will it be me, tired of trying to make you love a version of me who probably never existed in the first place, watching you desperately want someone who I can tell not only loves you but also needs you? It'll be a race to the end, in a contest with no winner.

I'll see you at the finish line, Harry.

I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

So as most of you know, I have been trapped in Haikyuu hell thanks to my boyfriend for the last week and a half. I'm already midway through season two but I'm taking a bit of a break from binging to get my sixth episode in my cartoon script out by next weeks end. For those of you that talk to my religiously (my boyfriend, or my best friend Tara of @targaryens-blog) then this OC will already be familiar to you! If not I wanted to introduce her to all of you as well as some of my favorite HC ideas for her and her canon partner.

Aratani is a student at Nekoma who went there with a specific goal in mind. Before she won best female libero in her prefecture, she met a boy that occupied all her thoughts through her best friend Bokuto. That boy was, of course, my best boi Tetsurou Kuroo. Her first early morning practice she runs into the object of her affections and the rest was as they say history.

Aratani is a more... reckless libero and she often gets hurt trying to go after seemingly impossible balls and managing to get injured with cuts, bruises, and scars along the way. She has a scar on her right hand from a beach volleyball incident. She is naturally a bit more quiet then her best friend. She isn't as loud or chaotic without Bokuto. She's a lot more reserved and shy in fact when he isn't around her. But when he is around her hoo boy the chaos is real. Their one on ones could literally last for hours without either of them taking a break unless one or both of their significant others stop them.

Aratani also loves video games! This makes her really close with Kenma something that I wanted to do because if you date Kuroo automatically Kenma has to fit in there somewhere. I HC Kenma as on the spectrum mainly because of how quiet he is and how obsessed with video games he is. They are a remarkably common special interest of those that are on the autism spectrum.

She is also Bokuto's next door neighbor! They met when she was six and they've been besties ever since that day. He was the one who taught her everything that she knows about volleyball as a sport. They're those friends that tell each other literally everything because both of them are on the mental health spectrum (more on that later!)

For my HCs if you want to stay that long they will be behind the read more line!

HC time!

Her with Kuroo:

*Her and Kuroo have that relationship where nobody understands how it works except for them. To the outside world they're complete opposites but to each other, they're perfect.

*If there is anybody in the relationship that knows they are in charge it's Aratani. Kuroo would willingly follow her anywhere that she wanted to go (Kenma always jokingly tells him that he's such a whipped simp for his gf but he just loves her so much and that's the tea sis.)

*Kuroo absolutely, 1 billion percent, screams like a woman. If you want an example, Tara told me that he screams like Jonah Hill does in The Accepted. I died laughing.

*He is also terrified of bugs. Even the little ones have him quaking in terror and screaming for Aratani to get rid of them.

*Aratani is insanely strong. Like she's small but could totally kick your ass and everybody knows it. Most of the Nekoma volleyball team is terrified of her, especially Lev because damn does Tani have a mean glare. Most of the time though she loves her best friends.

*She starts off incredibly shy but once you get to know her you find out that she's stubborn, cocky, confident, boisterous. Kuroo loves all these different sides of her his favorite is definitely her confident side. He loves that she doesn't let anybody get to her. Whenever people talk down to her she'll just come at them ten times harder (he also finds this part of her massively sexy-somebody please help him LMAO)

*Not only does Kenma have autism, but it is of my general experience and consensus that Akaashi has aspergers. You can pry this HC from my cold dead fingers.

*Aratani loves Disney. She's that Disney fan that prefers the older films and she could watch Brother Bear a million times more than she already has and still not be tired of it. Her other favorite is one of my underrated faves The Happiest Millionaire. Her and Kuroo's first official date was to Tokyo Disneyland when her aunt had a showcase.

*She could spend hours playing with Kuroo's hair. It doesn't matter what they're doing but she just loves when he rests his head in her lap and plays with his hair.

*Going along with the hair HC Kuroo is obsessed with hers. He's always preferred girls with longer hair but the second she took her hair out of her bun that she uses for volleyball when he first met her he was stricken with her.

*Aratani radiates little spoon energy. Even if she was taller she still would because as strong as she is she loves being comforted.

*When I write for them I see them as Annabeth and Percy in the Percy Jackson books. I feel like that gives them a sold mood in general.

Her with Bokuto:

*Bokuto has borderline personality disorder. He also has ADD. His lows get super low so she has to be there for him. She loves being there to support and love her best friend. *They are absolutely the two people who sing to Disney songs while on the ride. Especially if the song is catchy. The only one where they don't is Small World because usually Aratani cries on that ride. She loves the song and it makes her really emotional. *Bokuto actually writes his own songs. It's how he expresses himself when he's at a low point. Aratani sings the songs that he writes for his Instagram.

*Platonic. Cuddle. Besties. That's all. They are super clingy with each other during their movie nights because they've been friends for so long.

*No matter what she can always count on Bo to be there before anybody else even Kuroo. He'll just run to her no matter how far he is.

*They could literally spend days together just hanging out and most of their summers are spent at Aratani's backyard swimming in her backyard.

*Bo is Aratani's go to taste tester for sweets. She loves to bake for him mostly because it's something that makes him happy.

*(His favorite of her sweets is her mint chip brownies)*He us also the king of braiding her hair. He loves to just play with her curls especially since it's calming to him.

*Bo loves to watch her play video games. He could just rest against her as she plays Kenma in Mario Kart. Video games are something that he's never been the best at but he could just rest next to her.

[getitinbusan]

Jungkook friends to lovers, angst and smut. Inspired by Lana Del Rey's California. Please leave feedback if you'd like more.

It was a rare rainy August day in California, the heavy drops creating a melody on the window as you put the dishes away. You were tired, lonely and the feeling you had in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. Well into the second month of not making rent, it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken way longer than it should have to come to the realization that in LA you were nothing, not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea. The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn't he write you? It was a ridiculously  hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent. You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he'd last come around.

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

"I'm feeling low, I don't know who I am, only who I'm supposed to be. What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roomates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends. Does she even think about me? It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it's not enough, I would give anything to wake up everyday in bed beside her. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can't, I made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I'm destined to keep her at an arm's length so she'll never know the price I paid. How does she even see me now?  Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together? I've been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…"

~When I see you smile in the screen

You're good at everything

You're just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don't like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

"I'm afraid I may not get back for a while,  please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality."

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest your mind took you back to that day. "Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  You'd both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.  

California had lured you into its promise when you'd just turned 14. Having been accepted to The Movement Lifestyle Studios intensive dance program in LA you left all your friends for the summer. You were going to be discovered! It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time to take their places in the studio. Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. They called out names and put you into groups, it appeared to be by age and you made your way to the tiny gathering of four. Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated, "This is Jungkook." He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations.

Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends. Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he'd knocked at your door. He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members and he couldn't sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent.  Inseparable, days were spent side by side and the others referred to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He'd facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters. They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with an I miss you and a few lines of lyrics he'd written. You didn't know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different. Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you'd be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing. 

Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend the nights catching up. He had rules, the fans came first and girls were 

not allowed. Even though it was just friendship it could be easily misconstrued, everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight. While you were happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to. "I wish I could go and explore the city with you, like we used to," his voice trailed off. You were laying in each other's arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head, "All I wanted was to take you on a proper date. I've been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I'm stuck, I have everything and I'm not allowed to share it with you." His arms gripped you tighter, "I'm sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don't expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you're the only girl I've ever loved and there won't be anybody else, ever." 

You remembered every word of his confession,  every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people. He left in the morning without knowing, too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.  

LA became home right after the tour left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could tour with him. A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later.  

"Congratulations on your new house in LA! I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it's hard living with others sometimes. Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset. Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn't miss the colors? Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again. I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you. We are coming back in November for a few days and I'm hoping I can see you, I'm lonely already.   

Jungkookie

~Won't you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia~

When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the awards production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date. Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn't late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work. It was Namjoon's job to get Jungkook out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Kook must have eaten something bad for lunch and wasn't feeling well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotels back receiving door. Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses, what you wouldn't give now to see that smile again. Barely giving him time to get in you'd sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger. "Jungkookie, I hope your ready for the best day of your life! We're going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then instead of returning you to your 5 star fancy hotel you're staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!" He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeong-guk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it. Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren't looking. If you weren't sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can't believe you brought me here." Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio it used to be your escape, every break you'd make your way to the tree for a time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled,  it felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car. Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class. Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move. You were careless, It didn't take long for the photos to hit social media. Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, "You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean" You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was perfect, and the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt. "Kookie, this isn't Korea, you don't have to be so modest here AND you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look like a god." He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request. Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could. The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in. Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side. "My god Jungkookie,  look at your abs!" He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach. "Stop, it tickles." he giggled. But you didn't, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn't move. He had you pinned and flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him. Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side. "Welcome back, Kookie," running your hand through the back of his hair it was now or never.  Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you. "I love you," you whispered, nose to nose he smiled and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. It didn't last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, the photos and videos from the studio had been discovered online. "I'm so sorry Kook, I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand. "Let's get out of here, you promised I wouldn't be going back to my hotel tonight." If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet,  adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air. It wasn't just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever. Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, "I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I'm not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won't be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don't want you to get hurt." 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can't live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night." He rested his head against your chest, "You'll always be mine," his hands traveled to the hem of you shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them.  Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples. "I've never done this before," he confessed. "Me either," you whispered, "So, I guess the bars pretty low." His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it's home between your legs. He was soft and careful placing his lips over over your clit,  sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn't be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slide inside you. "It's good Kookie, please…i can take more." He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in slowly. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly, "The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined." Circling your clit between his words you came hard on his tongue. "I made you so wet," he said, impressed with himself. "I need to feel myself inside you." Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed your damp hair off you face, "are you ok? do you need anything?" he placed his forehead against yours. "Just you Kookie, I love you so much, please… I want you so badly." Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance. "Tell me if you need me to stop okay?" He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry, let's stop, I didn't mean to hurt you." He thumbed away the tear, "No, baby… I'm okay… I'm just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I'm feeling right now" he smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside you. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other. Every few hours he'd wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn't a dream, making love each time,  harder and faster. It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more. "I have to leave soon, I don't want to," he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, "Please tell me to stay." Your heart broke at his words, "If I ask you to stay, I'm selfish, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… " your voice trailed off,  "and I'll always wonder if I made the right decision," he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up. It was Joon, "I'm outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I'd come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye." Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you're probably in trouble too." Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting, 

 "Thank you for yesterday." Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying. You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and

Namjoon's voice broke through the moment "We've got to go Jungkook." Stepping away you'd left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, "keep it." He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one more time he eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart. You held onto your silly notions until May, they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up to them you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind,  opening old wounds. He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn't have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don't ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You're brighter than the brightest stars

You're scared to win, scared to lose

I've heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You're changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

I'll pick you up

I'll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We'll hit up all the old places

We'll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in. Bundled in Jungkook's hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students. So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do. Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn't be? Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you, "Hi." he walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution. "Hi," you were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he'd grown more handsome. "I can't change what happened… and for the rest of my life I'll be sorry for all of the time we missed." He was getting closer,  "But I can't take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…" he reached for your hand. Pulling it back away his head fell in disappointment, "Jungkook, I can't listen to this… look at me," reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again. "I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story" he tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin. "God I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. "How long are you here? I've got to teach class.. It's my first day but I'd love it if we could catch up?" He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness. Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face. "I'm your private lesson Jagi, I've booked you for the next two weeks" Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?" Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you, "There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn't negotiate on…that's you." 

Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror,  'I wrote you something"

The only thing I can do

In the garden

In this world

Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you

And to breathe as the me that you know

But I still want you

I still want you

"Y/N I promise I'll never let you go again" 

[createdbyinvisibles]

The Chronicles of a bookworm ninja

Word count:  2829

An episodic series of chapters telling the odd tale of Rin Kikumoto, the last political book carrier and her misadventures in becoming a ninja.

If you’re curious about what the Kikumoto clan is exactly then this bio here should explain everything.

    Rin Kikumoto lived an utterly peculiar existence, she was the type of person to spontaneously do things for the sake of quick and short excitement. As well as the kind of person to just always be around asking questions, a kid, nine years old to be exact, should never be wondering. Living on the only standing house in the crumbled compound of the now-disbanded Kikumoto clan, you could say it was an odd house for an odd girl. But now this odd girl would be attending her first day at the ninja academy, something her older brother was solemnly against. He simply hated the mere thought of having his sister be a part of what he thought to be "another pawn of the military complex." 

But it would get her out of the house, and she argued it would do her more good than the negatives that came with it. She'd have to start late, however, since she was already nine and the rest of the classmates have been at the academy since age six, but she was a fast learner, well... She had to be. The reason being was the very same reason she was well odd, she was what the village called a political book carrier. The position was one of knowledgeable importance, as it was an old position, and it even went back to the first Hokage, this position was one of four now-disbanded positions the Kikumoto clan occupied. 

A position that detailed the tasks of carrying knowledge, secret knowledge, the kind of knowledge that was best left to be forgotten. And Rin had to carry all of it, libraries worth of secrets and information of all types to be stored away within the depths of a large sketchbook. To be sealed by the strength of her soul, to be remembered but never talked about again. For even if she wished to forget the village needed someone to remember, for what if the Hokage required information? If she never remembered then, the Hokage surely wouldn't, and the village would suffer. So cursed with the seal mark of the black chrysanthemum, she for the rest of her life would bear the knowledge of the village by sealing it in the book that was her soul. 

But it didn't matter now, for, with jello-like legs, she stared at the oddly shaped building looming in front of her. As she felt her muscles tense up, it made her realize that she was about to enter an environment in which she could socialize with others. Other people who weren't her brother and other people who all had differing opinions, opinions as well as feelings different from her own, something her brother said was the bane of their existence. But if she was to learn how to understand others and become friends with any of them well, she'd have to try. So with reluctant steps, she walked forward into the building that would become the start of a life she couldn't even begin to think, she'd have. 

                             ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝✿╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗

"Alright class, today we have a new student who will be joining us..." Iruka Sensei now told the class, to the response of nods and a couple murmurs for who this newcomer could possibly be.

"Excuse me, but you're going to have to enter the classroom first," Iruka Sensei said gently motioning for her to step through the door, so lost in her thought that she forgot to enter the classroom entirely. But with cold feet, she stepped into the classroom, there were a lot of people, too many people. All of which stared down to her on high wooden benches that made everything seem so much more intimidating. "Alright, why don't you tell the class your name?" Iruka Sensei suggested with a smile, and with a nod, Rin complied.

I could walk into that classroom with an identity entirely different to my own, and no one could tell, I'll just say I'm so-so, and everyone will just believe me, and I'll have to live a lie for the rest of my life. Rin gripped her book, a book she should have kept in her back pocket, for the book not only carried libraries of information but her soul as well. But at times like these, it always seemed to calm her down when she held her book close.

"Is there anything you would like to say about yourself? A favourite colour perhaps?" Iruka Sensei suggested yet again breaking her train of thought, for little did she know as all this thinking was going on, she merely stood statue-like.

"Greetings or salutations, my name is Rin Kikumoto…" Rin said with her voice surprisingly steady. Look at the faces, study each one, remember what brother said, everyone feels something and all of it can be displayed on their faces. Perhaps someone is just as nervous as me? I know practically every dark secret in this village, something like this shouldn't scare me at all! It shouldn't scare me at all… Even if everything about this is new and new is a change and change is well, uncomfortable. Rin's obsidian coloured eyes darted back and forth, it made her eyes look like two little kaleidoscopes that seemed to draw you in by pure curiosity. She didn't find anyone, in particular, that was nervous, all except one girl, and she looked plain antsy with her blank pupilless purple eyes, eyes that were the mark of the Hyuga clan. 

Ironically she would have preferred world stumping mind bogglers, she was used to those, her brother would always give her one every week, and at the end of the week, they'd have a debate over it. Those questions were easier in a way since they were always open-ended and allowed room for an answer longer than a sentence. How was she supposed to form a meaningful opinion with a sentence? 

Favourite colour? Well, white reflects the sun and looks really lovely but it also stains easily, black is beautiful but plain dreadful in the summer, purple is majestic, but it's too expensive. Blue is so basic and red is far too strong, green is different enough to make me seem unusual, but the colour itself reminds me of puke. Grey is dull and brown feels like cheating because it's all the colours just mixed together, orange never looks good on me, and yellow makes my eyes hurt. Pink is sweet, but everyone is probably expecting me to say it and big brother always talks about how we have to break the "stereotypes' ', so it's out of the question. And what if someone in the class is colourblind, then I'll just sound like a jerk regardless! Rin was yet again looking towards the floor, typical softball questions that anyone could try and answer seemed like world stumping mind bogglers for her. 

It was only now that she realized she never answered Iruka Sensei, nor did she say anything at all, the realization of which made her sink slightly into herself. "Can I sit at my desk please," Rin asked awkwardly, re-evaluating my life is more like it.

It was then that she noticed the Uchiha insignia on his back, so he's Sasuke Uchiha the lone survivor of the Uchiha clan, well the personality checks out at least… Peas and carrots. Rin felt bad, Even if his personality made her think less of him. Being a book carrier meant she had to know a lot about this village, even tragedies he'd never know, but it weirdly comforted her. It's easy to understand someone she had records on, easier than having to get the information herself anyway. 

"Of course, there is an empty seat near the back where you can sit," Iruka said motioning towards the only free desk available. I guess I'm already the problem child or at least a timid emo kid, please believe me when I say I'm an entertaining and chill person! Wait, they can't hear me. Rin made her way to the back, it wasn't as bad as she thought it was, just well, really far away from the front. Sitting by the window in the seat next to her, was a cantankerous looking boy with short jet black hair in the shape of a duck's butt. "Guess we'll be desk buddies then," Rin joked offering her hand to shake, and telling by the irritated glare he shot her the joke didn't land.

With the proper information, she could empathize and formulate the best way to converse with the person for the best outcome. Even if in the process of knowing their records and files, it had the potential of making Rin feel guilty. But at the end of the day, she didn't know Sasuke, not enough to really care about him anyway. And by the looks of it, Sasuke would rather the world burn then talk to her, so as long as it stayed that way, Rin would never even worry about the potential guilt she might feel.

                              ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝✿╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗

The rest of the school day wasn't much of note, she tried to talk to people during the break period, but with everyone in their own cliques, it was a pointless endeavour. She couldn't even sulk on the swingset because some other kid was using it, and she couldn't talk to Sasuke because he was being... Well, a total dill weed. She tried to find the antsy girl she noticed previously, but she looked busy as well, for that same girl was staring at the kid on the swingset. Rin believed it was because she wanted a turn on the swingset as well, but she didn't ask. So she spent her break sitting in the shade sketching the other kids in a smaller plain white sketchbook different to her large floral decorated sketchbook. Her goal was to have drawn and made a personal file for every student in her class since baby steps were required if no one wanted to talk to you.

"Um, excuse me," A shy voice called, and as Rin looked over to see who it is, she was surprised to find the same antsy girl who was watching the swingset from before.

"Yes?" Rin called a little louder than expected, happy that someone approached her at all.

"Well um, I don't mean to be rude or forward or anything, but I couldn't help but ask… You just seem really invested in that drawing and well..." The girl fumbled around with her words, in fact, she fumbled so much you might as well call it a literary train wreck. Wait she's really not making any sense, so that means she's nervous… I was nervous earlier today, and it caused me to be embarrassed… Wait is this empathy? Well, sweet dango on a stick, I'm empathizing! God, empathy feels fantastic! Rin was correct, she really was empathizing, but in the process it caused her to stare at the girl. Which caused the girl to become so nervous she simply excused herself and left, leaving Rin alone yet again. 

                   ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝✿╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗

Before she knew it, it was the end of the day, so with her book in hand, she left to go home skipping as she went, only stopping when she reached a small ridge to the side of the sidewalk, green grass and little white clovers painting a scene of contentment. Taking a slight detour, Rin began to pick the white clovers, tying them into a crown as she went scrutinizing the ridge for more of the prettiest and most delicate of clovers. "Well don't you have great eyes for flower picking?" A rather confident sounding voice called, Rin looked up from her flowers to find a girl with platinum blonde hair tied into a short ponytail. "I'm Ino by the way, and you must be Rin, right?" Ino said, offering her hand to shake.

"Oh, hello Ino… Wait doesn't your family run the flower shop?" Rin asked excitedly, shaking her hand back, she loved to go there and get flowers every Sunday. 

"That's right, my family runs the Yamanaka flower shop, but enough about me, you were recently given a seat next to Sasuke, right?" Ino asked to which Rin nodded.

"Well you don't really seem to like Sasuke, so I was wondering if you'd want to change seats with me?" Ino asked Rin's confusion.

"Wait, do you like Sasuke?!" Rin exclaimed, surprised to which Ino laughed.

"Yeah, and who doesn't?" Ino asked, and when Rin pointed to herself, Ino laughed "And I'm taller than most of the girls in our class."

"Still it doesn't make sense though, I tried talking to him, and he's well very distant, to say the least," Rin responded, confused to Ino squealing.

"But that's what makes him so cool," Ino gushed.

"Cold is more like it," Rin responded, still confused and even more confused to find Ino irritated.

"Well you're still new, so maybe you just don't understand Sasuke at all," Ino huffed, turning around to leave, forgetting about what she was going to ask Rin in the first place. Rin was still confused, what was there to understand about Sasuke, even without records Rin could feel the hatred steaming off the boy. He was rather one-note in that regard, to curse at the rest of the world is to ignore everything else about it, including the complications that make life a greyish mix of exoticness. But she wasn't one to judge, she didn't have the best first impression either, and telling by everyone's reaction to her, she probably wasn't liked either. So for all, she knew he too had socialization problems and wasn't that why she was here in the first place, to understand others? And how could she understand others by writing them off?

                           ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝✿╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗

Maybe I don't really know Sasuke all that well either, I mean Ino has been in that class since she was little and I've only just joined... Wait, that's it! To properly understand someone I have to befriend them, I mean to call someone a friend is to understand them. That's what I'll do! And with that, Rin got up determined and marched on with a flower crown in hand.

"I'm home!" Rin called as she took off her shoes to find her brother on a chair near the door. "I made this on my way back home," Rin said, giving him the flower crown she made previously.

"Well, doesn't this look nice on me," Her brother said, gently placing the crown on his head as if it was his own personal coronation and with a thumbs up from Rin he ruffled her hair.

“It was…” Rin trailed off, how was her day? She couldn't really put a finger on how she felt about it. It was different to say the least, but it wasn’t a bad difference going there made her feel like a scientist sent to study a different land from her own. “I’m not sure, but I think I want to go tomorrow,” she did want to go back, even if it was odd but where there was oddity, there was a way to understand it. And that’s what she was here to do.

"Maybe one day, you could come with me to pick the flowers?" Rin suggested, trying her best to ignore the slight grimace in his eyes, her brother hated leaving the house. Something he hadn't done since she was six, after that he just came home one day and never left. 

“When the flowers grow in the backyard, we can pick them together,” He suggested a small smile on his face, that was enough for Rin, it was her first day of school and she was simply too tired to get into yet another argument. “How was your day at school?” He asked carefully, Rin found him studying her face, a habit her brother always had when he felt Rin wouldn't tell him the whole story.

[drimaury]

i don't mind your shadows - an elu fan fiction. ch.1

"Wait for him to come back to you, because he will, and it will be worth it."

Lucas really hoped so, because he didn’t know what he would do if Eliott were to leave.

or; after a bad manic episode, Eliott crashes, and it takes a week before Lucas starts to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

also on AO3

It was on days like these that Lucille’s words from that morning many months ago would ring in in Lucas’s ears while he desperately tried to hold on to some resemblance of normalcy while his boyfriend was at home, hopefully asleep and resting.

Wait for him to come back to you, because he will, and it will be worth it.

Lucas really hoped so, because he didn’t know what he would do if Eliott were to leave.

The air was cold, spring not having arrived to Paris just yet, and the street taking Lucas home to said boyfriend were narrow enough that Lucas kept bumping his grocery bags into the fence lining the apartment block a few blocks before his own when he accidently steered his bike a bit too much to the left. It was fucking annoying, but it meant that he would get home to Eliott quicker, so it was worth it.

It hadn’t been pretty. Lucas had only moved into Eliott’s apartment six months ago, both of them too broke (and too fucking horny for each other) to stay in the flat share for any longer than they did. 

Eliott had just been starting his second year at the Sorbonne as a film student while Lucas started his first term at UPD, and they has both realised that with the student debt they were both going to rack up, two apartment rents were more expensive than just the one, and since Eliott’s parents were more than eager to help them with Eliott’s apartment, it seemed stupid not to take the offer. 

Which was great, because that had meant they had been able to save money every month between Lucas’s shifts at Starbucks, Eliott’s tutoring lessons and their respective loans, creating a small but steadily growing savings account that they planned on leaving be until next summer when they would travel Europe together, hitting every single stop on their shared bucket list.

(Including pasta dates in Venice, meeting up with Eliott’s cousin in Rome, going clubbing in Barcelona, Eliott watching the history nerd in Lucas walking the streets of Berlin and the both of them being struck by the immensity of it all. The two of them visiting the Scandinavian countries just so Eliott could see the northern lights, and for Lucas to be able to see where the Nobel Ceremony is held. Just the two of them alone, together, in all different places.)

It would have to wait for a little longer, it seemed. Lucas had woken up a week ago to an empty bed, save for a note declaring that Lucas had to meet Eliott at a hotel, because he had reserved a suite!

He’d spent the better part since then thinking, or rather analyzing how he missed the signs, how he could’ve let himself be too caught up in his studies to miss the signs Eliott had been sending him. How if he’d only realized that hey, suites are expensive, where in the world did Eliott find the money for that? If only he hadn’t been to caught up in the romance and pleasure of it all to see the big flashing sign above them that read: HEY, SOMETHING IS WRONG! If only if only if only.

“Good morning baby, I have a surprise for you! I heard you complain about how much school is stressing you out so I thought I’d do this for you!”

And the thing was, Lucas had been beating himself up ever since then, even though he knew, (he knew!) it wasn’t his fault. And even if it was, he couldn’t do anything to change it now, besides be there for his boyfriend when his mec was ready to let him be there. Even though he knew this rationally, that didn't stop him from worrying. Feeling like he had to hold the dam together, making food he knew would go untouched, buying flowers only he would care about, it wasn't a nice feeling.

That didn't mean he wouldn't continue doing it every time Eliott couldn't.

Today’s classes had been rough, him having fallen asleep early yesterday whilst neglecting the reading assignment that was due this morning, and he had had to run by the film institute on his way home to speak to Eli’s professor to find out what his boyfriend was missing. Luckily, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be caught up on, and Eliott’s professor had sent Lucas on his way without any hostility, just a “Tell Monsieur Demaury that his class misses his argumentative spirit!”

Lucas really loved his boyfriend, and he’d been lying if he denied the fact that Eliott’s passion for film hadn’t gotten him all hot and flustered, on multiple occasions.

Their apartment block was coming up, and Lucas parked their bike against the fence, setting down the groceries to pull out a lock from his and chaining the bike to the fence post before walking upstairs.

Getting inside the building meant his hands started to warm up again, him having forgotten his gloves this morning and not having his boyfriend walking him to school sadly meant no hand holding, something the guys always used to mock them for back in high school. With working hands, he opened the door to their apartment with one hand while holding two grocery bags and a bouquet in the other, pushing the door wide open with his foot while putting the groceries down on the kitchen table.

He could see Eliott curled up in bed, blankets covering his face and blocking out any sunligt that passed through the curtains. The eggs Lucas had made him before leaving this morning sat untouched on their bedside table, prompting Lucas to put them in the sink before putting the groceries away and checking his phone.

Y4z4s: how are u guys doing? txt me if there’s anythng i can do <3

basile_simple: remember to take care of yourself as well! Make sure you drink a lot of water and get some sleep!! At least eight hours a night!

monvoisintuturo: eight hours a night? Basile we’re college students! I appreciate the sentiment but that’s just not possible,

basile_simple: I sleep at least nine hours a nght wht’s ur point???

monvoisintuturo: remind me again how ur doing, grade-wise

basile_simple: touche

y4z4s: srsly tho, tell us if you guys need anything, and txt us when we can come over and cuddle our best boy

monvoisintuturo: yeah just let us know and we’ll be over with alot of hugs!!

basile_simple: my mom told me to tell you that Eliott is welcome to talk to her if he ever feels like it!!

lucallemant: thnks boys, and thnks basile i’ll tell him <33 and yann we’ve been friends for 16 years I thought I was you best boy??

y4z4s: u were but then Eliott brought those brownies to our first pregame and ever since he’s had my heart

lucallemant: okay yeah that’s valid

He couldn’t help the smile growing on his face, scrolling through all their conversations from the past week where the guys had offered their support countless times, Basile even going as far as offering to fight the staff at the hotel they had stayed at to force them to give Lucas and Eliott a refund before Arthur had to remind him to use one of his three remaining braincells to realise it wouldn’t work.

It was really, really, sweet how the guys cared.

Suddenly, he heard the blankets shift over where Eliott had been laying, and Lucas could see the top of Eliott’s head peeking out from under the blankets. Throwing his phone somewhere in the couch’s general direction, Lucas walked over to their bed and layed down on top of the blankets, not touching Eliott but letting his presence be known by shifting his weight, now facing his boyfriend's’ back before letting out a soft,

“Hi baby”

and the dam breaks.

[isa-ghost]

Fuck I don't have any good questions so please just tell me e v e r y t h i n g about their relationship. I have a mighty need for some cute brothers.

*inhALES*

This is actually super fucking long so I’m putting a read more LMAO

@septic-dr-schneep, this is actually the bunker!SD timeline as of now (I’ma date this for myself- 1/20/19) if you want to read it too. :3c

@a-septic-mind pls read this you little shit, this is the entire timeline of Shit We’ve Put Jackie And Henrik Through™ so far.

Jackie has made sure to go through anything and everything ever with Henrik since the time he came into existence. There’s very few things he hasn’t been around for and the biggest one of course was August but let’s save that part for a second–

Jackie was extremely relieved when Marvin came into the picture because he wouldn’t be lonely anymore but when Henrik came around? He bawled for hours on and off because he was so happy to have a second little brother. He was hugging Jack constantly and thanking him (Henrik was the first ego Jack made on purpose) and wouldn’t let Henrik go. xD Henrik was super overwhelmed by it of course, because existence was a completely new/very confusing thing to him and on top of this, here’s this giant ball of loud, bouncy, cuddly muscle and energy clinging to him like crazy and crying a lot. After getting used to it though, Jackie’s constant affection made it a ton less stressful to adjust to being an ego and all the trouble that came with that.

Jackie learned German for him, Henrik would draw suit designs for Jackie, and the two would talk about things all day long- mostly Jackie answering whatever questions Henrik had about their souls, their abilities, Jack, other ego-related stuff, etc. They got extremely close extremely fast and the things they’d experience in the future only made that stronger.

Unfortunately they only had roughly a month of happiness after Henrik’s creation before Anti came to be and started the war. They had to move from Ireland (Jack never got the chance to move to Brighton in this AU xD) to Axel Creek in the US and were kept in the Safehouse they live in now to be protected from Anti. As if losing Jack and getting thrown across an entire ocean into a random small town in the middle of a different country wasn’t enough, headcanons finally started growing popular enough to take effect on Henrik… Including the insane doctor ones. His “snapping” fits started up, and he just about almost killed Jackie during the first one.

After going through the initial shock of being attacked by his baby brother, Jackie got Henrik semi-under control and that’s when the two of them had their first dark experience together– Whenever Henrik would snap and go temporarily insane, Jackie would allow him to perform spontaneous surgeries on him. They kept it secret from Marvin (and in the future, from Chase), and although it’s a really twisted way for them to handle something so serious, it actually let them learn almost everything there is to know about Jackie’s body, powers, and how the two effect each other. The only things they haven’t been able to study about Jackie is how his eye-related powers work and how his negativity kryptonite works. From the time they started these snapped surgeries and onward, they grew a trust bond stronger than anything you could imagine.

Once Henrik got the hang of controlling the effects of headcanons, Jackie taught him how to fuse their souls and their fusion Life Saver was first created. LS didn’t handle Henrik’s iffy sanity well, and, well… He’s a handful for the two, but they love their fusion like a semi-murderous, problematic son. xD However, they’d just barely figured out how to control him/keep him stable mentally long enough before they needed to use him in a rescue mission- Anti was trying to take Marvin. In the end, luck wasn’t on their side and Marvin was taken as they were ripped out of their fusion (which left near-deadly damage on their souls and internals). They barely made it home alive and Chase had to rush to save them just in time.

They recovered slowly, but then Summer 2017 crawled around… The community was starting to question Henrik and whether or not he was good. The doubt in his alignment/intentions began to weaken him and he grew sickly and his powers started to fade.

He was severely deteriorated by the time KJSE happened it and there was no way he could’ve possibly fended Anti off and saved Jack at the same time. He was taken by Anti along with Jack and this shattered Jackie and Henrik’s relationship for a while.

Jackie was left to spiral into extreme guilt after it happened because even though he could feel Henrik in serious danger and knew he was weak due to lacking community faith, he didn’t bother racing to the rescue until it was far too late. Not knowing where Henrik was or if he was even alive, he assumed the worst and his mental state crumbled. He isolated himself, stopped hero work for a long time and made himself deathly ill with his negativity kryptonite. Eventually it got so bad, he’d hallucinate Henrik screaming at him for not coming to save him and all sorts of other awful things. It destroyed Jackie’s confidence and triggered his severe sensitivity to failure. Henrik’s first birthday was one of the worst days for him of all…

He spent the next six months driving himself insane with grief to the point where it was hard for Marvin, Chase, or Henrik’s former nurse Dawn to recognize him. Nothing they did helped him or got him to stop all of the habits he’d developed. Eventually he tried looking for Henrik and ended up getting captured by Anti in the process. He was missing for a few days before being found. Little did he know, the person who found him was Dawn’s daughter Isa; and she’d also saved Henrik about a week prior to saving Jackie.

After recovering from the torture Anti had subjected him to over those few days, he and Henrik finally reunited (which did not go smoothly at first because Jackie was 100% convinced Henrik hated him for not coming to his rescue). Things were okay after that… For maybe a month, sadly.

It wasn’t long before Jackie got taken again, this time with Marvin (he escaped Anti after being taken btw xD). The two were missing a long time before Jackie broke out and ran to the bunker for help to save Marvin. They got him home, but in the end, Jackie ended up getting corrupted. The duration of his corruption was an utter nightmare for him and Henrik. Just to name a few things that happened–

Jackie once ran away from the bunker to the Safehouse. Henrik tracked him down and tried to talk him out of his room. The conversation ended up turning into a really sad string of cliff-related metaphors. Said metaphors have stuck with them from this moment all the way to the present.

Henrik had to use Jackie’s trigger of needles to properly activate his power to sonic scream (Anti had given him the power, he didn’t always have it).

Jackie tried making a deal with Anti to guarantee the protection of his brothers and when Henrik found out, he actually tried to outbid him by offering better deals. In the end, they almost royally screwed up and barely go out of it alright.

During a fight after this deal debate, Jackie almost fell off a literal cliff and Henrik caught him before he fell. Sweet, sweet irony…

Henrik detoxed Jackie by faking his death after that fight (at the end of the fight, Anti took control of Jackie and made him hurt Henrik). When Jackie was dragged back to the bunker to be quarantined, Henrik revealed he wasn’t dead and then stabbed himself where Jackie had wounded him and almost bled out. This finished Jackie’s detox.

They barely got a break before Jackie was downed by Anti’s bullshit AGAIN. This time, Anti posted a video of the ONW HQ being blown up and blamed Jackie. The community lost faith in him so rapidly that he deteriorated and fell into a coma. He almost faded and returned to Jack before Chase narrowly managed to save him. Through all of this, Henrik never left his side. Despite being shut down, Jackie could hear everything Henrik was saying… It was Very Upsetting™ to hear, especially since he couldn’t reply or at least comfort Henrik.

For a very long time after waking up and recovering, Jackie refused to sleep or close his eyes at all for that matter and it’s basically been that way since. They haven’t suffered any extreme traumas since Jackie shut down (which happened in March). They just sorta have ups and downs here and there and they spend every night staying up and doing things together be it talking, working, both, or something else. Whenever they’ve had downs, they’ve vented and supported each other through it no matter how long it takes. Recently they’ve actually been the happiest they’ve been in ages. xD

But yeah, I think that’s about every huge important bunker!SuperDrug moment that’s ever happened in the bunker roleplay as of 1/20/19. XD So there ya have it.

[camellia-thea]

vent

i am just. so fucking exhausted. of just existing. not even in a suicide way, just in a 'literally every part of my life right now makes me tired, even things i genuinely love' and i am already dealing with a chronic condition that makes my cells not produce energy correctly.

this semester has been. a lot. just. a lot. and i've been holding it together really well, honestly. genuinely think i've done as well as i could do but i just. i don't have the space anymore. i was hoping i could hold out until i'd gotten my portfolio done but just. fuck. holy shit. there is just too much in my head right now and there is literally nothing that's making it quiet anymore. normally i can just distract myself until either it punches me in the gut and i have to deal with it (eventually meaning it's quiet), or i ignore it enough and it goes away (look i'm great at coping okay this is a fine system) but i just. this hasn't, and it's just kind of sitting on the horizon and i know i'm not going to notice it's closer til i'm stuck in the middle of it with no way to deal.

i've been dealing with my ed a lot, and finally actually kind of brought it up with people, and i'm worried about my finances in regards to food because i cannot make rent this year without just. fucking over my food budget, which would be fine if i was paying for my own food, because i know how much i eat and i know how much i can spend, but i share with my flatmates in a shared meal system which worked fine before but i've spent so much money this year just trying to make it feel okay to live that i cannot keep paying as much as i do for the food i'm eating (very little.)

((and i fucking know my eating habits are terrible okay i eat approximately a meal (and a half?) a day, maybe more on a day where i'm doing things and need the brainpower and my cal count is low if i do try to calculate it (rare, like, once a month), and most of that is covered by the amount of tea i drink))

but i cannot afford what we purchase and i don't have solutions that don't, y'know, make it super super obvious how little i'm eating, and like, i know i'm not super subtle but like. still doesn't feel great airing it out, but i eat maybe a quarter of what i pay for which is. a good fifty to seventy a week, sometimes less which is great but y'know. i can make a decent meal for about five to ten nz d, and have it last multiple days. last year my costs were mostly snacks and i ate more and spent less than i do now. i don't have a good solution but i'm living on more than i can afford to spend, and like, i was concerned beforehand but now i'm genuinely going to hit 0 nz d before exam season is done. and before i was like 'oh, y'know, i'll have a couple of hundred to go into next year with but it'll be fine because i'll snag course related and living costs with summer school' nope. no that's not the case. i've been calculating every so often to double check and this is just. ahhhhhhh. i'm so fucking stressed about it and that's just. underlying literally everything i do.

and i've tried to bring it up in a way that doesn't just. completely fuck over our system because it works super well for the other three and that's amazing for them but it's genuinely fucked me over so much in the last six months because like. okay, rough calculations; 50 a week per person, i eat, let's be generous and say half of what i pay for. that's 200 a month that i am sinking down the drain that i *cannot* afford. and i'm often paying more than that and eating less. and that adds up. lets say four months; that's 800. that i could use to cover the cost of my medication. i get 280 from the gov. and i pay 220 rent a week. that's 60 left over. i pay 50 a month for my meds, now more because my new meds are 35 per repeat, which makes that 85 a month total. i pay. a lot more to, just. live. and my budget *still* doesn't cover my meds, and i'm not going to make that calculation, because it terrifies me too much to check.

and it isn't my flatmates fault at all, and i'm not saying it is in any way and i don't think it is either and i need to make that completely clear, but this is not sustainable for me, nor the continual panic attack i'm having.

and the biggest issue is that i just. do not have a solution for this. there is no way i can just say some magic words and we'll get a new system that perfectly covers how much we pay for based on how much we eat. that's just. not possible at all.

and i know my ed is probably making the me worse, god do i know, but i genuinely cannot find the energy to care or change it. ironic as it might be for the illness called chronic fatigue syndrome. and it's morbid and horrible and i should feel bad for thinking it but honestly. sometimes my brain says if this got worse then maybe it'd make things more simple. i'd drop uni and most likely go back home to my parents, which wouldn't be ideal and i really don't think living with them would be great, but i wouldn't have the same stresses. food payments wouldn't be on my mind, honestly my diet would probably improve, and i wouldn't be dealing with uni stress in the same way either. i'd honestly, probably recover a bit and actually have time and energy to try and take care of myself.

and i had a health scare where i was maybe 90 percent sure i'd have to go to the ER because of heart palpitations, and i was genuinely concerned i was having a heart attack, and i know that healthy nineteen year olds don't have them but i'm *not* healthy, i have a chronic health condition, an ed, and a history of heart problems within my family, like it's a reasonable conclusion to jump to when your heart is skipping multiple beats and not beating in sync correctly. but i couldn't make myself convey how concerned i was.

and i mean, on top of my teetering mental health, declining physical health, and perpetual state of anxiety, losing my great uncle was just. fucking awful. there are no words for how horrible it felt and i have not been able to properly grieve him since the funeral. i have cried perhaps three times and i just. i just want to fucking break, i need to just. feel and break. but i just. can't. there is a dam somewhere and i've been waiting for it to crack but it just won't and it makes me want to scream.

i don't think i can properly talk about that loss yet, and it hurts. it hurts so bad but i'm not grieving in a way that feels like grief. it's an ache that someone is missing but it isn't. it isn't crying at a funeral, it isn't mourning him and the moments i'll never get, my sister will never get, my dad will never get, my grandfather will never get. i feel so awful for my grandfather because he was flying from england to new zealand to see his brother, with the thought that it'd be their last time seeing each other and ross died just over a month beforehand. i cannot fathom how awful that is for him, but i can't actually express it in a way that feels like i'm actually feeling things. i'm in this awful state of numbness that i've been feeling for almost two months and i hate that i'm making it all about me. i hate it. i recognise it isn't productive at all.

i feel like i've been holding myself together by the skin on my teeth, and beneath all the numbness and exhaustion, i'm terrified it's going to make my illness worse, make my life just. fall apart. and i'm just a nineteen year old trying so hard to be a functioning adult but i couldn't even finish highschool without everything falling apart around me, and what the fuck made me think i'd actually function properly.

i just. i'm stuck waiting. because these problems don't have direct immediate solutions. i'm waiting to crash, i'm waiting to break a part, and i know they'll be mixed, and i'm just going to be stuck with the anxiety of everything else underneath til it happens, and there is no good time for it to happen in the next two weeks, which of course means it's going to happen at the worst moment, which makes me more stressed.