#and specifically had been excited for my piece for this week's topic based on my other works

[bookwyrminspiration]

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week's writer's spotlight feature is: @pearynice! With twenty-eight Stranger Things works, they've written twenty-seven fics tagged with Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson!

Nominated by @hotluncheddie, they recommend the following works by peachesandpears:

Talk to Me

Personally

Starched Collars

In your eyes

they are so lovely and so talented!! so many short and sweet pieces - that so often seem to touch and soft squishy part hidden away within me, put a little bandaid on it <3 - @hotluncheddie

Below the cut, @pearynice answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I’ve always loved the “opposites attract” trope. While Steddie is the first ship I’ve ever seriously written for, in the past this dynamic has always been my go to (ie: destiel lol) but Steddie specifically because I think Stranger Things is a great show with compelling characters, and that Eddie and Steve deserve a happy ending. And for me that happy ending will always have them with each other.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love AUs. Love seeing the little blorbos in as many situations as possible. I love being able to see how writers take what we know about these characters and make it into a whole new story. (But especially a soulmate AU. I loveeee a soulmate AU.)

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I think anyone who follows me can probably guess hurt/ comfort and fluff. I LOVE making these boys suffer and then smooch about it. 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

AH okay I will scream about this fic until I’m blue in the face (I actually submitted an ask to this blog about it because I think it’s criminally under-viewed!) it’s As the World Falls Down by daeneryske on Ao3. I read this MONTHS ago and I still think about it all the time. It’s long but god I wish it would never end. I want to tattoo it on the inside of my eyelids.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Yes!! I can’t say much because it’s for my Reverse Big Bang but they both contain tropes I’ve never worked with before and I’m so so excited to be writing both of them!!! I’m already having so much fun! And a goal of mine for 2024 is to broaden my writing horizons a little and explore tropes and topics that I haven’t yet, so I don’t really have any specifically in mind but that is my general plan!

What is your writing process like?

Very chaotic. I almost never write an outline. It’s pure vibes baby. And when I DO write an outline I almost never follow it (whoopsie) I feel like as I write the plot comes to me, and outlines tend to pigeon hole me so I can’t get myself out of writing slumps.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe my overuse of italics?  I also don’t really know how to describe it but sometimes when I’m writing heavy action scenes/ emotional scenes I’ll start and stop sentences before they’re complete sentences. Like: “Steve says nothing. Sits down next to his father and looks over his shoulder.” I don’t know if that’s a writing quirk or not lol but that tends to be how I structure my sentences.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Definitely after I’ve finished. Once I’m on a deadline I psych myself out.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s such a hard one, because I think I’m proud of a lot of my fics but for very different reasons. I think if I had to choose, I’d pick Blood of the Covenant. It’s one of my more recent fics, and I had toyed around with a Wayne POV fic for such a long time before writing because I wanted to get it right. It was hard to find his voice but I think in the end I executed it well.  

How did you get the idea for Talk to Me?

Well besties I dunno how personal we want to get here, but the inspo for this fic (and tbh a lot of my hurt/ comfort fics) is just based on my own experiences. Growing up my mom did not have the capacity to tend to the thoughts and emotions of her kids, ergo me pushing that shit into a Steddie fic. Obviously what I wrote as Steve’s experience and mine are not directly parallel, but that is how I got the idea.

When writing Starched Collars, what was something you didn’t expect?

That was my first heavy hurt/comfort fic that I wrote, and I remember being really blown away that people could relate so heavily to Steve’s experiences. I remember I had some comments saying that they felt really comforted seeing their own experiences reflected within Steve, and I just never expected my writing to be able provide that for someone. 

What inspired Personally?

Well, again, we’re getting a little personal (babum tss)- but how I wrote Steve’s mom reacting to him mentioning the sunglasses is definitely how my own mom tends to react when I express any kind of negative emotion around her. In this case it was a lost parking stub instead of sunglasses.

What was your favorite part to write from Talk to Me?

The COMFORT- that’s always my favorite part. Making it better! (Although it is also a little fun leaving the angsty cliffhanger- but I will ALWAYS make my fics have a happy ending.) But also I’m a little in love with the idea I had that Eddie likes to rub on Steve’s stomach until he falls asleep. I thought that wrapped up the story very nicely.

How do/did you feel writing Personally?

It was honestly very therapeutic. I don’t think I’ve ever word-vomited out a fic more rapidly than I did for that one. I wrote that in my notes app in one afternoon, read through it once or twice, and posted. It was a relief to get all of that out in writing, and then even better to see that other people found comfort in what I had written. 

What was the most difficult part of writing Starched Collars?

When I was first drafting the fic I was going to have Starched Collars and In Your Eyes (the kinda sorta sequel) be one in the same. I spent a long time trying to balance the two narratives, before I realized it was just too much to fit into one fic. Having both detracted from the other’s story too much, and eventually I had it just focusing on Steve. I think this was the best move but I spent so long trying to strike that balance before I scrapped it.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I don’t know if I can name any one scene or line as explicitly my favorite, but the final scene of Because it’s Steve it’s absolutely a favorite. That whole fic is very special to me because it reflects a lot of my own thoughts/feelings/experiences on being demi, and that final scene is just exactly how I experience my demisexuality. (I’m not sure how long this can be, but I’ll insert the passage here): 

And they’re still in this disgusting bathroom. There’s still a toilet behind Eddie’s knees, but when Steve’s mouth meets his, it doesn’t matter. Because one of Steve’s arms wraps around his middle, his fingers dip into the spaces between his ribs, their chests touch, and it all feels so good. Because it’s Steve. And it’s still Steve who kisses him, still Steve who licks into his mouth, still Steve who nearly sends them both stumbling into the disgusting toilet. And because it’s Steve it’s so funny that Eddie can’t stop laughing, and there’s a blush high on Steve’s cheeks as he tells Eddie to stop it. But then Steve kisses him again. Asks if he wants to go and find Robin and Nancy. If he wants to dance. With him. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

YES. So Because it’s Steve is now a series: Demi/Virgin!Eddie, with all of Eddie’s firsts with Steve. This is very smutty but it’s also like, the sappiest, most disgustingly fluffy smut I’ve ever written. I would say it’s “schmoopy” but I was outed as an Old Lady on Discord because apparently no one uses that word anymore. ALSO- and maybe this is still too far away BUT I am working on TWO Reverse Big Bang pieces and… you guys… my artists are so talented and kind and their brains are so big and so far I’ve gotten along with each of them so well and I am already so excited to post these and we’ve only just begun. I cannot wait until we can make our visions into an entire fic!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add? 

YES- whoever nominated me for this (I don’t know if that’s something they’ll tell me??) THANK YOU- this is so sweet. I feel so honored that someone thought of me as deserving of this. There are so, so many authors you could've chosen and you chose ME! That’s just- insane. Thank you.  And to anyone who has said they found my hurt/ comfort fics relatable in any way, I rain all of the platonic hugs/ forehead kisses/ handshakes/ high fives/ nods of the head upon you. ❤️✨

Thank you to our author, @pearynice, and our nominator, @hotluncheddie! See more of @pearynice's work featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer's Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[mcenvs3000w23]

Week 5 - Reflecting on ENVS 3000 So Far

Without a specific prompt this week, I took the chance to reflect on the work I have completed for ENVS 3000 so far this semester. By completing readings and reading my peers’ blogs, I had the opportunity to broaden my perspective. As well, I reflected a little on the beginning of the podcasting process. 

Yesterday and earlier today, I had the chance to read through two blogs for the PEAR evaluations. Reading my peer’s blogs in their entirety was an interesting experience. I was able to see how others consistently approached each of the prompts with a unique perspective and thought to integrate the course content. Reading about how others in the class discuss nature interpretation has led me to think about nature interpretation in my life. 

Going into ENVS 3000, I thought of nature interpretation in a very narrow way. I thought I would mostly be learning about how to explain certain aspects of nature and why plants are distributed the way they are. After the first few weeks, and after reading my peers’ blogs, I think of nature interpretation in a much broader way. I now consider paying attention to the little things in nature and appreciating nature’s beauty as part of nature interpretation. 

One way I have noticed that I interpret nature in my daily life is by being able to tell when my snake is getting ready to shed. Based on his colouring and behaviour patterns, I can usually guess when he is about two weeks away from shedding. As well, I interpret nature regularly is appreciating the beauty of my two betta fish, Lab and Kirk. It is amazing to me that nature can produce so many colours in such a small space; the fish themselves are almost like natural pieces of art. 

My fish Lab. Unfortunately he is camera shy so all my pictures of him are a little blurry.

This is Kirk, he is a bit more of a show-off!

And finally, my favourite picture of my snake, Tribus!

Another way my perception of nature interpretation has expanded is by working on my podcast. I was not quite sure where it begin with making a nature interpretation podcast for children, but with the help of my group, we were able to decide on coyotes and their interactions with humans. I think this is an interesting topic and I am excited to dig deeper into it. While I am excited to work on the podcast, there have also been some challenges. 

A challenge my group faced while working on the podcast was trying to create an engaging podcast for 8-12-year-olds without making it too childish. The maturity difference between 8 and 12-year-olds can be significant, so my group wanted to make something that would engage the youngest and oldest of the age group. We eventually decided on presenting facts in a silly, but not too juvenile way, and discuss a real news story from Guelph. 

Something that has gone really well with my group is engagement. We were able to quickly set our first meeting and all members were present and engaged. This allowed us to form a positive relationship, which helped with planning future meetings and sharing ideas. I look forward to continuing to work with my group members on this assignment. 

Reflecting on my experience in ENVS 3000 makes me excited to see what the rest of the course brings!

[strawbrrychan]

Wildest Dreams

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: depictions of panic attacks, funerals, death, suicide

word count: 4k

a/n: AAHHH ITS HERE! i hope you’re excited to read this omg it literally took forever … like over a month. BUT! SHES HERE AND I HOPE YOU LOVE IT!! please please please give me feedback in the comments (what you liked, didn’t like, etc.)!! it’s much shorter than i wanted it to be, but i really tried :( anyways, if you’re uncomfortable / sensitive to the topics listed in warnings, i don’t recommend you read any further. (@punkjisung , enjoy <3

“Class is dismissed,”your teacher sighed, visibly tired from the school day. The bell rang as he spoke, and the hallways were soon flooded with students eager to leave the building. You joined them, walking quickly to your small locker. You tossed the papers from your previous classes inside of it, snatching your bag up and swinging it over your shoulder.

“Y/n!” You heard your best friend’s voice chirp as you slammed your locker, almost as if on cue. You had been waiting for him after the bell rang. “Are you ready to leave?” he smiled, hopping up to you.

“Hello, Y/n! how are you Y/n? I’m good, thanks Jisung!” you rolled your eyes at him, leaning against your locker.

“Sorry!” he looked down, flustered.

“I’m teasing,” you tapped his arm, beginning to walk down the hall to the exit. “Yeah, i’m ready.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You could feel the goosebumps rising on the back of your neck.

You hated that feeling he gave you. The feeling when you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, where every time you hear his name your heart beats just a little bit faster. Or when his fingers graze your skin, you can’t help but feel sparks spreading across your insides like the plague.

You always wished that your were just a little bit more than friends with Jisung, but never had enough guts to ask him. You could never let yourself, in fear of losing the relationship you already had with the boy. He had been your best friend for a few years now.

“Y/n?” he asked again, snapping you back to reality from your thoughts. You shook your head. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” You smiled at him, swinging the school doors open to reveal the bustling schoolyard.

“We don’t have to go to the coffee shop,” he said, staring at you with concern.

“Are you kidding me? We do this shit every week, Jisung. I promise, I’m okay.” you smiled at him, reassuringly.

“Are you okay?” you said, never removing your gaze from his face. His eyes were glued to the floor for a few moments before meeting your own. For a moment, he looked like he was going to cry. “Yeah, I’m okay.” he finally nodded, a small grin forming on his face.

By the time you reached the shop, the two of you were practically gasping for air, laughing at yet another terrible joke Jisung had told you. You smiled, seeing the familiar painted windows of your favorite coffee shop. You quickly adjusted to the cool environment, the bell on top of the door chiming as you walked inside.

The coffee shop wasn’t large or busy, you and Jisung were one of the few regulars there. You inhaled as you walked in, smelling the freshly made coffees and warm pastries ready to be served.

You had always admired how pretty the interior was. The lights were dim and the wooden beams covering the walls were painted a warm brown. The seats were a complimentary emerald green, matching with the plants scattered around the shop.

“God, I love it here,” you sighed, slipping into the usual booth you and Jisung shared every time you went.

“Do you want your usual?” he asked, standing in front of the table. You nodded, thankful for his memory of your specific order.

That was your routine. Every friday after school you and Jisung would walk to the coffee shop from school, and sit in your usual booth right next to the windows at the front of the shop. You would order a simple iced coffee with caramel, and he would order an iced americano with a slice of cheesecake. Every single week, since the beginning of the school year. You had always felt some sort of comfort there, or maybe it was the fact that Jisung was always there with you.

A few moments later, the boy walked back with your drinks and his snack excitedly. “How do you always manage to get my order right? Your memory is terrible,” you laughed, sliding your coffee towards your body on the table.

Jisung’s head lifted up, his eyes widening a little. A small blush that you were somehow oblivious to, crawled across his face as he spoke. “I don’t know,” he sat down across from you, wiggling in his seat as he began to eat. “I think i’ve just gotten used to ordering it so often.” He spoke. “You’re acting like we don’t do this every week.” he continued, shoveling a piece of cake into his mouth, squirming with joy. You looked at him with pure adoration in your eyes. “They didn’t have it last time, remember? I’ve been through a drought!” Jisung whined, chewing on his cake.

“You’re so annoying,” you laughed, taking a sip of your coffee.

You groaned, tasting pure caramel.

“What’s wrong?” Han looked at you.

“They did not mix this well,” you frowned.

“Oh.. I’m sorry,” the boy's expression mirrored yours.

“It’s fine, I’m still gonna drink it. And it’s not like I can’t stir it,” You smiled softly.

A moment of silence fell between you, as you swished the drink around in your cup.

“How are you always so optimistic?” Jisung sparked another conversation, pushing his plate to the side, finishing his last bite.

“What do you mean?” You lifted your head from your phone. A flash of what almost looked like dejection flashed behind his eyes, before returning to normal.

“I don’t know, after you said that about your coffee it made me think… You’re always looking at the bright side of things. Like… always. I wish I were like that.” he frowned. You narrowed your eyes at him, thinking.

“I do that? I didn’t even realize.”

After that, the two of you took your drinks and began walking back to your house.

“What are we watching today?” you turned to him, taking another sip of your coffee. You also watched a movie at your house, and Jisung would always choose what to watch.

“Can we watch The Grinch?” his chestnut head turned to look at you.

“The Grinch? Jisung, it’s the middle of spring-“ you laughed.

He scoffed, folding his arms. “I wanna watch it, Y/n! You asked!” his lower lip formed a pout, stomping his feet a little. You smiled at his childish antics, watching him with pure adoration in your eyes.

He was so cute. The way his brows furrowed when he pouted, and his cheeks got all puffy. Or the way he’d dance when he was happy. You loved all of it.

You threw yourself on your couch, the TV remote in your hand. You switched the TV on, searching for Jisung’s request of “The Grinch”. You could hear the popcorn popping in the kitchen where he was. As soon as it stopped, his loud footsteps were heard behind you. “Ah! Jisung!” you whined, as he jumped on top of you, placing the bag of popcorn on the table in front of the couch. The movie was long forgotten by then, as you felt his fingers jab at your sides violently. Soon he was sat on top of you with no plan to cease his actions. You couldn’t help but wiggle underneath him, trying to escape his unstoppable tickles “Jisung! No!” you cried, reaching for something to defend yourself. Finally, you managed to get ahold of a pillow, hitting his head with it. His body went tumbling off the side of the couch, smacking onto the floor.

“Ow, that hurt! You’re lucky I love you, Y/N.” he said sitting up.

Both of your eyes went wide in shock. You watched Jisung’s hand fly over his mouth, not bothering to get up from the spot on the floor where he landed.

There was that feeling again. Where you swore your heart could beat out of your chest if it wasn’t for your ribs caging them in, where the hair on the back of your neck stood up, and butterflies swarmed your stomach, making you dizzy.

Did Han Jisung like you back?

You opened your mouth to speak, but Jisung beat you to it. “I like you.” he spoke hurriedly, before he stood up smashing his lips onto yours. You gasped at the sudden contact, and yet he was still so gentle with it. Jisung’s lips were soft against yours, melding perfectly into them. Like they were crafted for you, and you alone. Your heart was beating so hard, so loud, you swore Jisung could hear it too.

Han Jisung was kissing you. He liked you.

You felt his hand on top of yours, the other cupping your cheek, caressing it gently with his thumb. Your eyes fluttered shut, reaching up to rest your arms on his shoulders. Your once stiff body relaxed into his touch, kissing him further. He sat down, guiding your hips onto his lap. His hands were on your waist now, rubbing gentle circles into the fabric of your pants. He lifted your head, placing chaste kisses along your neck as you played with the hair at the base of his hairline. You finally pulled back, breathing heavily.

“I thought..” You began, staring down at Jisung’s now swollen lips.

“Me too,” he smiled, staring up at you. “How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”

“I was never gonna tell you, Jisung.” you sighed. “I didn’t want to lose what we already had. I couldn’t lose you. Not over something like a stupid crush.” he stared at the floor for a moment, analyzing your statement .

“So what does this make us?” he lifted his nervous gaze to meet yours once again. You sat in silence for a moment, considering.

“Well,” you said, standing up in front of him. “Han Jisung, will you be my boyfriend?” You bowed, holding your hand out to him. He smiled up at you, taking your hand and joining you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, swaying your bodies together. You placed your head on his chest, sighing in relief. "Yes," he spoke into your hair gently.

“I’m tired. Let’s nap or something.” You finally said, after a few minutes of just swaying, the movie seemingly quiet.

Your hips finally slowed in sync eventually becoming still, as Jisung lead you back over to the couch. The credits of the movie were well past finished, the tv had yet to shut off. Jisung ran to grab a blanket for the two of you, knowing your house like the back of his hand. He came back to you within seconds, holding your favorite fuzzy blanket and tossing it over your frame. You opened your arms wide, waiting to feel his body in your arms. Soon he was pressed against you, snaking his arms around your waist once again, sighing with a smile on his face.

“Sleep well Ji,” you whispered, kissing his forehead. It felt good, not having to hide how much joy feeling him in your arms brought you.

It was only a few days after you and Jisung had confessed to each other, on a casual Sunday night. The clouds were thick over the sky, rain pounding on your window violently. You were curled up in bed enjoying whatever it was you were looking at on your phone, until you were interrupted by a phone call. You smiled, looking at your boyfriend’s contact appearing at the top of your screen. You picked up soon after, lifting the phone to your ear. You were calm with the silence on the other end of the line, until Jisung let out a choked cry.

“Ji?” You sat up immediately. “Jisung, what’s wrong?”

“I-I feel like-“ he began. You were slipping your shoes on, already preparing to drive to his house. “I feel like I cant breathe,” he said again. “My hands are numb and I’m dizzy. Am I dying? Y/N, I don’t wanna die,” he cried.

“It’s okay, I’m coming. You’re not gonna die, I’m right here with you. Stay on the phone with me, okay?” You rushed your words more that you’d hoped, cringing internally. You jumped into your car, tossing your phone into the passenger’s seat next to you. “I’m almost there, okay?” You spoke hurriedly as you flew past the houses on the street. Only a few minutes passed before you were fumbling out of your car into the pouring rain, and running up to Jisung’s front door. You swung it open quickly, calling out for him in his dark house. You could hear his incessant cries from down the hall and instinctively followed them. Your gentle hands clicked his bedroom door open, to find him placed in between the wall and the side of his bed. His knees were tucked under his chin, as he rocked himself slowly. You dropped to your knees in front of him, bringing his head to your chest immediately.

“I’m here. You’re okay.” You hushed him, feeling him finally grip the back of your shirt.

You had never, not once, seen Jisung like that. He was always the happy-go-lucky friend everyone had. He never had an ounce of dejection in his body - or at least never showed it - which is what scared you the most.

“Please don’t bring this up again,” he spoke into your damp shirt after his cries stopped and his breathing evened out. You nodded silently, promising yourself and him to never speak of it.

It had been a few weeks since Jisung called you, the two of you still went to your usual Friday coffee ritual after school. You still never brought it up, keeping every question to yourself.

You were about to drive home from your coffee ritual, until Jisung proposed a bright idea. “Let’s go to the mall. I want to buy you something.” You blinked at him for a moment. “What? It’ll be fun!” He said shoving the keys into the ignition.

You wandered around the mall for a while, his hand in yours as you talked about anything that came to mind. The thought of asking about Jisung’s phone call still lingered at the back of your head.

There were a few times where you pointed out a pair of shoes or a bracelet that you liked, but you never let Jisung buy it for you. “Please, Y/n!” The taller boy whined, after you said no to yet another item to buy. “Let me get you something!” As if on cue, you stopped dead in your tracks, letting out a quiet gasp. You stood in the walkway of the mall, staring into the window of a store. Jisung inched closer to you, trying to meet your gaze through the store. You gripped his hand, dragging him into the store and standing in front of the item you were drawn to. Jisung stared at your face, analyzing the way your eyes shimmered as you scanned the item. You stood before the piece, your fingers dancing along the hem of it. “I love it,” you whispered, turning to face your boyfriend.

It was a silky cerulean dress, with a slit running along the upper thigh. The straps were simple thin strings, which would presumably hang delicately on your shoulders once you wore it. A smile was spread across your boyfriend’s face as well, watching your mannerisms as you admired the dress. “Will you let me buy it?” Jisung traced the fabric. You smiled wide, nodding vigorously. He swung the dress over his shoulder, grasping your hand gently as you sauntered over to the register together. The woman stood there smiling at you, taking the dress from your boyfriend’s hands. “You two are really cute,” she said, scanning the barcode as the total appeared on the screen next to the register. “Ah, young love,” she sighed, placing her hand over her heart. “That’ll be $19.99.” Jisung pulled out his wallet, handing her a card before turning to you to admire your features for a moment. You met his gaze, smiling at how focused he looked. “Here you go.” The employee said, handing Jisung your bag. You turned to walk away, before she stopped you. “I can see it in his eyes, they’re filled with so much emotion, he could burst. Keep him safe.” She winked at you. You thought back to the night that he called you. “He really does love you. I can see that too.” Although bewildered, you nodded and gave her a smile before meeting your boyfriend a few feet ahead of you.

Jisung dropped you off at your house, hugging you before leaning back to stare at you for what seemed like the millionth time that day. “I’m gonna pick you up for dinner tonight, okay?” He said, placing his hands on your shoulders. You smiled and nodded, giving him a small kiss before walking inside.

When he appeared at your doorstep again, his eyes were sparkling, taking in your glowing figure once again. You stood in front of him in your brand new dress, the corner of your lips turning upwards. You looked up to the sky for a moment, the baby blue you used to see now meeting hues of orange and pink, as the sun descended behind the mountains.

“You look so beautiful,” Jisung finally said, he looked shocked - eyes blown wide. “Thank you,” you smiled, kissing his forehead as you approached his figure.

“Shall we go madam?” Jisung teased, playfully lending you his hand to escort you to the car as if you were royalty. You grasped his hand gently, walking down your stairs.

You reached your destination quickly and blindly (he had you cover your eyes for the “best part”), Jisung coming to an abrupt stop, causing you to run straight into his back. “Sorry,” you could hear his sheepish smile in the way he spoke. You imagined that tinge of pink that coated the tips of his ears as he spoke again, “You ready?” You nodded, bracing yourself for the setting your boyfriend prepared for you. He untied the small cloth at the back of your head, bringing it down off of your eyes. You blinked slowly, your eyes adjusting to the dimming light of the sun. Jisung watched your expression change, a tender grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. You turned to him with eyes which he thought ‘held the entire universe in them,’ smiling wider than you ever have. “Oh my god, jisung!” you playfully hit his arm. He had set up a picnic for the two of you under a small tree. You were stood in a quaint field, decorated with an array of colored flowers everywhere you looked. You hadn’t realized, but Jisung had snapped a photo of your smiling face to remember that day. To remember how much love he felt for you.

Jisung swiped his fingers across your palm, drawing little shapes across it before connecting your fingers together as you walked to your setup. He had bought a few of your favorite dishes, and your go-to order from your small coffee shop on your way home from school.

After a while of picking at a little bit of your food, you found yourself situated between Jisung’s legs, your back against his chest, sipping your coffee occasionally.

“Can we take a photo?” you turned your neck to face him. Jisung grinned at you, as you grabbed your phone from the blanket the two of you were perched on. You held the device in front of your faces, posing for the image. You snapped a few photos, bringing your arms down to see them better.

“I like this one the most,” he pointed out a specific photo. “Your smile looks so genuine there. I really love it.” He started at it dotingly. You watched his eyes finally meet yours, and his lips pulled into a smile. “I love you so much,” he kissed you. You giggled into the kiss, placing your hands on his jaw. “I love you more.” you finally spoke.

The sun had gone down hours ago, leaving you with the ocean of deep purple and blue hues dancing with the stars as they shimmered above your heads. You were still sat in your boyfriend’s lap against the tree, staring at the sky now.

“Hey Ji?” Your gentle voice broke the comfortable silence you sat in. A blush crept up the boy’s neck that you could just barely make out in the darkness that surrounded you. He hummed in response. “Can you promise me something?” You felt the words fall out of your mouth. You shifted in his lap to face him with your whole body. He looked at you confused, but nodded anyway. “Promise me,” you began, grabbing your phone and showing him the photo he had pointed out earlier. “Promise me that you’ll remember this moment, you and I together under the stars. No matter what happens to us, remember how much fun we had.” Jisung let out a quiet sigh, before speaking. “But nothing lasts forever.” he whispered, wrapping you back in his arms. But this time it felt different - his hug. It was like he’d never see you again. At that point, you felt your eyelids getting heavier, letting your body lean further against your boyfriend’s. “I love you so much,” you whispered, letting sleep take ahold of you.

The next morning, you weren’t in a field of flowers with your boyfriend. Instead, you were met with bland ceilings and an empty left side of your bed. You laid in your once warm and welcoming oasis, stretching your arm out to touch the sheets. Your arms moved quickly, frantically searching for purchase in another warm body next to yours. “Jisung?” you sat up, finally looking around your room. Your eyes finally met his, just not in the way you’d hoped for. It was one of the last photos you had of him before he took himself from your world. It was framed on your once shared bedside table; a photo of the two of you in a park together. Tears formed in your eyes, blurring your vision as you let out a choked sob, your shoulders shaking violently as each cry was ripped from your lungs. It felt like you were suffocating. Drowning. Your whole world was dark and meaningless without him - Without Jisung. And it wasn’t fair - how your brain did that to you. How it made you think for a moment, that maybe, just maybe you’d have him back and it all would’ve been a bad dream. But alas, that want the case. You let your grieving mind wander back to his funeral.

You and all of your shared friends were stood in a dismal graveyard, surrounding a casket that didn’t deserve to be there; that shouldn’t have been there. You stood there, staring at the wooden box - cursing it silently. How could you have let him slip away so easily? You’d never forgive yourself for letting the only person who brought real joy to your life slip away from you so easily by his own hand. One of his and your closest friends, Chan, had walked over to you, wrapping you in a tight embrace. He didn’t need to say anything to you. You and already heard it all before.

Your body was shaking now, trembling hands gripping the bedsheets tightly as your mind finally came back from the horrid date.

You leaned over to grab your phone, unlocking it quickly. You opened the phone app, calling a number you knew all too well.

“Hey, it’s Jisung, sorry I couldnt get to the phone, please leave a message-“ his voice rang through the device. You needed to hear his voice again. Even if it was some stupid voicemail recording. It was the only thing you had left of his voice - of his presence.

Han Jisung, your person, your light - was gone. And he was never coming back to you, no matter how hard you tried, or how many stars you wished on. Your light had put himself out for good, and you’d never see him shine again.

It hadn't hit you until that moment - that dream was just highlighting your core memories of him. You scoffed, thinking of how your subconscious managed to do such a thing to you.

You really did have the Wildest Dreams after he died.

[abysscronica]

I agree with what you said about night 6! Especially about how it can get so complicated, as I also know people irl who have been on both sides of similar circumstances. It just gets so confusing, tho I get it. But I think in like chapter….11? I forgot, but it’s when Kid tries to get answers on why she came back. But when birdie asks why he didn’t r*pe her, and he responds that he did, that was supposed to be showing his own confusion on that night, right? Or him just being difficult idk, as both ways can be likely for his character from my pov. Buuut, doesn’t that start to open another can of worms? In that if he does think he did it, why does it not seem to bother him; since we eventually see that he does feel guilty for putting her in distress in other situations in that flashback with Killer?

Also, really glad to hear about the cathartic writing! Makes me happy that writing the story has been helpful on your end as a writer!! AND! Just read your Anime Expo log and loved it! Incredibly happy you got to meeting Tekking and that he seems like a genuinely nice person (personally, he’s my favorite to watch because his energy and excitement for One Piece is contagious). But also, the merch thing sucks :/ Ik you are probably based in Europe, but are there any cons you recommend that are good for finding decent merch and pricing? Or, any recommendations on buying figures that aren’t ridiculously overpriced? Thanks for engaging with me btw :]

Hey, thank you for the question!

Kid's feelings regarding the whole situation are in continuous evolution during Captive, mostly according to the development of his relationship with birdie, but they fluctuate a lot in between as well.

The scene you're referring to, when he states he did in fact assault her, was indeed showing his confusion. So when birdie says he didn't, it sorta felt like a subconscious absolution for him. For the following weeks he chose not to think about it (as did she), keeping in the back of his mind something like "if she's okay, then it doesn't matter".

Only later, when he sees how easy it is to trigger a crisis in her, Kid realizes that was all bullshit, and he's forced to face what he did and the repercussions it had on birdie.

It doesn't matter if he didn't bring up this specific topic with Killer, it's not something he easily talked about, he conveyed what he needed and Killer knows how to fill the blanks.

Kid's feeling in hindsight will be explored a little better in Bonds.

[firewins-the-fangxrl]

Building Anew

Now that May The 4th Be With You Excange has revealed I’m crossposting my fic! so here’s some fluffy Grogu and Luke bonding! (also can be kinda dinluke if you want)

(link to the fic on ao3 in the notes cause tumblr sucks and will hide posts with links!)

---

In his efforts to rebuild the Jedi order Luke finds himself learning many new things, some were expected such as old Jedi teachings and methods of finding force sensitives, others things he had not expected, such as the favourite colours of his younger students.

"Wait Master Luke, lightsabers can be purple?" a tiny Twi’lek pipes up.

"Yes there's a multitude of different colours that lightsabers can take depending on the users connec-"

"Can they be rainbow? Rainbow is my favorite colour!" comes another voice.

"My favorite is yellow!" from a Nautolan boy.

The ensuing lesson turned into a session of sharing favourite colours. Which, if Luke is being honest, is surprisingly enjoyable.

Teaching turns out to be one of Luke's favourite parts of resurrecting the order. Each of his students is different and helping them find and control their connection to the force is rewarding. The kids are also interesting to talk to, they're happy to tell him, with the honesty and excitement that comes with childhood, about a variety of things from a cool bug they found to what sensing presences in the force feels like.

Luke learns a lot about each of his students, both mundane and not.

Grogu is probably one of the most interesting to communicate with. Luke learns a number of things about Grogu, firstly that the kid has had a long life.

A really long life.

The first time Luke really gets a sense of Grogu's age is a few weeks after he was first brought to the small temple that acted as the youngling teaching quarters. He and Grogu are meditating together when he's hit with a rush of unfamiliar memories.

Huge sprawling temples filled with the bustle of people going about their day. The sound of children playing and distant lightsaber practice. The sight of adults hurrying past, lightsabers strapped to their hips, some with padawans trailing behind trying to keep up.

It takes him a few seconds to piece together that the memories are of the old Jedi order at its height. He turns to observe the small green child, struck by the fact that the people from that memory are probably all long gone.

"You're a lot older than you look, aren't you?" he murmurs quietly.

The child doesn't move, still deep in meditation, so Luke returns to meditating as well. They settle back into peaceful and companionable silence.

The second thing he learns about Grogu is that he loves his dad. Though Luke only met him briefly he can see that they have a strong bond.

Grogu is also more than willing to share stories of his and his dad's adventures with Luke. Every memory Grogu shares is laden with warmth and adoration.

The adventures are also seemingly extremely dangerous, which is how Luke quickly learns fact number three.

Grogu's father is a stone cold badass. From risky rescues snatching Grogu from the clutch of Imperials to killing a fully grown krayt dragon (something he is honestly in awe of) the man seems to be an unstoppable force powered by protective instincts.

As the stories go on Luke starts to wonder if part of the reason Grogu's father is so unstoppable is because he never stops to think anything through.

Of course Luke isn't exactly one to judge since he's nowhere near the picture of restraint himself.

But still, for force sake the man let himself be swallowed whole by a krayt dragon!

Even Luke isn't quite that dumb… well for the part he's not.

Grogu, it seems, has inherited his father's lack of regard for consequences, as he's quite willing to attempt to eat anything without waiting for Luke to check if it's poisonous or not.

However Grogu's favourite foods by far are frogs and cookies. Luke isn't quite sure what those two things have in common but he does know that cookies must be protected from the green bean (especially if they belong to another student) and that most of the frogs on Draay 2 aren't poisonous.

Except for the tiny yellow ones.

Chasing down Grogu to remove frogs from his mouth to scan for edibility becomes a daily struggle.

This is when Luke first realizes that Grogu is a menace.

The child has more chaotic energy than should feasibly fit into such a small being. Most memorably in the lightsaber incident. The less said about that the better but Luke has certainly learnt his lesson about leaving his lightsaber in a place that small green toddlers can reach.

He's glad to still have his legs.

A fact that he has not been at all prepared to learn came during one of Grogu's father's visits. Which was that Din was apparently a king.

Din lands his ship at the small landing platform adjacent to the temple. Grogu is practically vibrating with excitement by the time the loading door opens and the man walks out, beskar armour glinting in the sunlight.

Unlike his previous visits he is flanked by two other Mandalorians, both wearing blue armour.

Din turns to one of the Mandalorians and says something, too low for Luke to overhear at this distance, and the two Mandalorians turn to go back inside the ship.

As Din walks closer, Grogu wriggles free from Luke's arms and runs to his father. Din drops down and scoops the excited child up into his arms. Luke can hear Grogu making excited squeaks as Din murmurs something to the child.

“Who are your friends?” Luke asks as Din walks closer.

“Royal guard.” is Din’s only response.

“Royal guard?”

“I’m technically the Mand’alor”

“Technically?”

“It’s… complicated. I don’t suppose you’d want a second laser sword?”

“Uh, no thank you” Luke says, noticing one of the blue clad guards glaring at him from the ship. Her helmet is off and he can see short red hair and a slightly terrifying expression that reminds him of Leia when some poor soul angers her.

“Yeah that’s probably for the best,” Din says wryly.

The rest of the visit is fairly normal, except for the bodyguards hovering over Din. Luke gets the distinct impression that the guards are more interested in ensuring that Din doesn’t make a run for it than protecting him from danger.

Something he learns after a while is that Grogu has nightmares.

Grogu is more than happy to share snippets of memories and stories about his life before the fall of the old order. However he avoids the topic of the fall itself. Luke doesn’t push Grogu to share anything he’s not comfortable with.

Luke is pretty sure that's what the nightmares are about since Grogu refuses to tell him anything about them.

He’s okay with that. He doesn’t need to know the specifics to comfort the small scared child that comes to him. Luke just holds Grogu and murmurs reassurances.

Sometimes, if it’s really bad they start a holo call to Din, he always answers no matter the time. They stay up late talking about whatever they can think about until Grogu has fallen asleep, comforted by the presence and voice of his father.  

Once when Din is visiting Grogu, Luke wakes to a knock on his door in the middle of the night. He finds a very tired looking Mandalorian carrying Grogu.

“He had a nightmare?” Luke asks.

Din nods clearly suppressing a yawn.

“Come on in. I’ll make some caf.” Luke says, stepping aside.

They stay up talking long after Grogu has fallen asleep, Din tells Luke about the struggles of being a king and Luke shares some stories he’s collected from being a teacher.

He tells Din about the lightsaber incident. Din finds it funny and Luke would probably be more annoyed if the man’s laugh wasn’t so pleasant.

By the time Din leaves, the sun is just starting to crest over the horizon and Luke realizes that he has to go set up for his morning class.

He decides that there are much worse ways to spend the night than with Din and Grogu.

Grogu apparently agrees with him based on the number of crayon drawings he makes of the three of them after that.

Luke is pretty sure Din gets a few of them framed.

[favescandis]

New Q&A with Alexander Skarsgård and Esquire Middle East

‘Alexander Skarsgård on pro wrestling, death metal, the joys of Godzilla vs Kong’ - by William Mullally, March 25, 2021

The Swedish star speaks to Esquire Middle East about his latest film, being home in Stockholm, and staying ripped for The Northman during quarantine

Alexander Skarsgård did not have the 2020 the rest of us did. There was no quiet quarantine, no tubs of ice cream devoured at three in the morning, no existential boredom, no staring out the window as we wondered if we’d ever be able to start doing things again.

No, Skarsgård had to spend the year staying in the best shape of his life to play an honest-to-god Viking warrior and Nordic prince Amleth in Robert Eggers’ upcoming epic The Northman. Not that he minded, of course.

Skarsgård is in a very good place. Before The Northman, he filmed Godzilla vs. Kong, which was one of the most joyful experiences of his career. It’s a film that is much better than anyone could have hoped, that fixes the flaws of the previous outings of the franchise in Kong: Skull Island and Godzilla: King of Monsters by making its supporting characters actually interesting to follow—including Skarsgård’s turn as a conspiracy-loving mad scientist named Nathan Lind—and making the battle between the legendary behemoths the stuff of Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant.

Esquire Middle East caught up with the 44-year-old Swedish actor, who is aging like a vampire, fittingly enough, over Zoom ahead of the film’s release.

Read the full ESQ&A with Alexander Skarsgård below:

Alex, it’s great to see you again. How are you?

I’m pretty good. You’re in Dubai, right? I’m in Stockholm, Sweden at the moment.

How long have you been home?

I’ve been here for two months now since I wrapped The Northman.

How’s that been?

Yeah, it's been really nice. I mean, it's obviously a difficult time, but considering everything, I'm lucky, because everyone is doing alright. It's a nice opportunity for me, as I'm constantly on the road normally. It’s great to just be home, and not just for a week around Christmas or weekend over summer. I actually get to be here and spend some real time with my family.

You didn’t have any downtime in 2020?

Well, I was actually shooting for most of 2020. When the pandemic hit, I was in Belfast about to start filming the Northman, then we shut down for three months, and during that I had to train basically. It's a very physical role, so I had to keep working out. I was still in work mode for the whole lockdown. Then in July, we started shooting till the end of the year.

Did you prefer it that way?

I was very grateful to be able to work. It was definitely different from the normal set because we were completely isolated. We got tested three times a week and I basically lived in a bubble up in the hills of Northern Ireland and didn't see anyone didn't do anything for six months other than work and sleep and train.

I have a friend Adlai who lives in that village in Northern Ireland and I kept trying to get him to go break into your set because I needed to know more about this movie.

It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. The most amazing experience.

You’ve been making a habit of working with great horror filmmakers, with Robert Eggers (The Witch) on the Northman, and Adam Wingard (You’re Next) on Godzilla vs. Kong.

What’s interesting about all these guys like Adam and Rob Eggers is they produce these really dark and twisted movies but they are two of the nicest human beings I've ever met. They're so sweet and genuine.

What do you and Adam like to talk about?

Death metal, probably. He's a big metal fan.

Are death metal people sweethearts, generally speaking?

Yeah, actually. Sometimes I feel like that's sometimes the case when you meet musicians in death metal bands they're like the sweetest, loveliest people who talk about their grandmothers and stuff.

Why do you think that is?

Maybe it's cathartic. It's a way to get out all that dark energy onto the big screen or as a musician onto an album.

Did you and Adam click immediately?

I met him years ago for another project. We didn’t end up working together on that but it was such a memorable meeting that we stayed in touch over the years. He’s not only a wonderful guy but so intelligent, such a film buff who knew everything about not only the horror genre, but even just films in general. When Godzilla vs Kong came up, I was just really excited to get an opportunity to work with him.

Were the words ‘Godzilla’ and ‘Kong’ enough for you, or did something specific draw you to this one?

I think it was a combination. I had just come off of a couple of really dark intense projects. I did the Little Drummer Girl, which is a limited series based on the John le Carré novel about conflicts in the Middle East, and I just come off Big Little Lies, two seasons of domestic abuse.

Did you just need something different?

It was just really two of the most rewarding experiences of my career but also really, really draining really intense experiences. I was just craving something fun and exciting. I hadn't done any big tent pole matinee-style movies and since Tarzan.

But you said it was a combination—are you also a Godzilla nerd?

Oh man, I was like a little boy. I just got giddy when I saw the renderings, the drawings, the storyboards, like the world that they wanted to create. I thought tonally they were the right people to make this kind of movie because I thought they had the balls to go all the way and make it as big and crazy and fun as it as I think it deserves to be, with the right amount of sarcasm and irony, but while still taking the topic seriously, and the characters seriously, and really caring about both Kong and Godzilla.

Did you and Adam share a lot creatively back and forth?

Oh, yeah. He would run up to me and ask what if they run into a creature that almost looks like an owl and start explaining how it works. And then you start sketching something on a piece of tissue. And then a week later, he would come back with something amazing that the visual artists have created. To be part of that from an early stage is so exciting to me.

As a pro wrestling fan, that balance of ironic and serious you mentioned sounds awfully familiar to me. Did you guys make a pro wrestling movie on purpose?

It’s a lot like pro wrestling. Like, you want the fights to be big spectacular, fun, and entertaining. But you want to care about the wrestlers, right? You want to root for them. I think Adam did such a great job in finding that tone. They beat the sh*t out of each other on an aircraft carrier, but you also want to connect with these creatures and care about them. The movie asks, what does Kong really wants other than beat up Godzilla? What is he longing for in life?

That’s exactly what I think when I watch the Undertaker throw Mankind off Hell in a Cell.

Absolutely!

Godzilla vs. Kong is in theaters now across the Middle East

https://www.esquireme.com/content/51448-alexander-skarsgard-on-pro-wrestling-death-metal-the-joys-of-godzilla-vs-kong-the-northman-interview

Photo from WarnerBros. Entertainment. Thanks to SophTop on Delish for the find!

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Game Hiatuses?

I want to preface this enter post with the comment that I am absolutely not saying "Oh, if you're not enjoying SSO, you should just leave the community." That's a bad argument used against criticism that I do not promote. However, I am going to talk about how if you're not enjoying SSO, why you should take a pause from playing.

I'm going to generally credit @centeris2 on this topic, because while I'm not using direct quotes (because private convos aren't exactly the style I want to use for Can We Discuss), we had a long conversation about this topic and she made a lot of good points for this that I wanted to discuss. Some of these points are based on her opinions, a lot of out thoughts blurred together so it's hard to directly credit, and she gave me the ok to talk about it and use her thoughts.

In any case, let's start with the fact that it is perfectly normally to like something and still drop it for years at a time, or to not directly engage with it. For instance, I adore the Legend of Zelda franchise (were it not obvious from my recent to be rescheduled event), but I haven't personally picked up a LOZ game for a year-ish now when I replayed Minish Cap. That doesn't revoke my LOZ fan card, that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Most of you will have done this throughout your life, more and more recognizably as you get older.

This however can get blurred by fandom. It is very often that folks with hyperfixations on a thing, who may or may not engage with something more regularly than other media, will get involved in fandom and make a lot of content for that fandom. These people can produce loads of content on a piece of media and this can fuel a community, even if the rest of the community isn't actively engaging with that media. It also doesn't specifically mean that people with hyperfixations are constantly engaging with that media. Going back to that LOZ example, I wrote LOZ fanfic for years without actively playing more than one LOZ game maybe a year or two. Content can be queued, be entirely original outside of the media, and still last a long time and engage with the fandom at large.

The point is to say, even if you make content and enjoy a piece of media, you don't have to actually be playing/reading/listening/watching it constantly. In fact, normally modern fandom culture makes that pretty easy to do, though it can sometimes make us feel like we're still engaging directly with the media even if we're technically not. But it's good to take a step back and acknowledge that. A lot of younger fans in fandom have a hard time with this, which is why I'm taking the time to point it out. A lot of young fans will hyperengage in a fandom because they want to be involved in this fandom they love, only to burn themselves out and be turned away by their frustration. It's important then to acknowledge this scenario to encourage better, healthier involvement with fandom. Still, in this situation, you can easily bow out of a fandom if you need to take a break and then come back when something new happens in it, like a new release or update. This may feel like a fandom "dies" when a piece of media ends, but for active media, it's a normal and healthy thing to do.

SSO on the other hand does not encourage the ability for people to take a break, or at least it does it at the detriment of the player. Because of the weekly updates, players are constantly checking for the chance that there is something interesting coming out. This is somewhat addressed by the monthly roadmaps the team has been putting out, but that also just extends the period of time people are waiting for news and they're still staying in the release cycle for more clarification. For instance, we know Silverglade Village is getting an update at the end of the month, but knowing SSO's release cycle, are they going to tease some more of the changes? Are they going to reveal how wide the area of update is going to be? Will any NPCs get updates with it? This is still in the weekly cycle and it keeps players from building up actual suspense for updates if we know when content is coming out. It also takes away a lot of suspense when the content isn't main content, like new areas or story. While the suspense for the Fripp quests I would say were quite large, I wouldn't say that any of the other updates have shared the same attention. This is why most companies will release roadmaps for quarters or for a year.

And this isn't to say that SSE as a company shouldn't be releasing media content weekly, they should. That's good social media. But there are ways to engage with fans that don't drag out a reliance to engage weekly, things like community contests, highlighting fans, or promoting fanmade content. But when every update is super in the eyes of social media, fatigue and apathy are going to start to kill actual excitement unless it's something major.

I don't think it's a secret that I think the weekly updates aren't good for the game on the development side. I think it creates a pseudo-crunch culture on the developers so that they can't work on larger projects that players are asking for, like an engine overhaul (it took FFXIV two years to do theirs, when are the devs supposed to have time on SSO to switch now). But, I also don't think it's good for the players. Yes, there's something every week, but how are players actually engaging each week and how much time can we build up anticipation or get excited when each week that gets diffused by something that's not super exciting the majority of other weeks? Which doesn't mean that that content is bad, but it clearly builds frustration in the community to have "filler" content. When's the next story quests, when's the next map expansion, when's the next major mechanic being added, etc. We're constantly discussing the next big thing and then finding reasons to be excited in the meantime. This does not spark joy.

But in order to take a break, either you need to be on top of your Stable Care (likely to pull you back in), or just stop caring about your horses while you're away (unlikely considering the horse girl is strong in this community). The first requires Star Coins, which is arguably saying "You have to pay real money to take a break," and the second is actively punishing you mechanically for not being committed to playing. Neither of those allow the player to take healthy, normal breaks from the community to engage in other things. And that's an issue.

Yes, MMOs need regular engagement. Active servers and participation are a part of what makes them more marketable. But there are ways to do that without penalizing players. And I'm not suggesting that the care system needs to be entirely removed, but it does need to be entirely reworked so players can leave the game without coming back penalized. Things like the care system not affecting stats, but increasing your RNG for finding doubles of crafting items, or doubling your shilling rewards from dailies. WoW's inn system rewards players for taking breaks by double your exp gain longer depending on how long you were away. Others like Guild Wars 2 will give you log in rewards that build up to bigger prizes over time. There are ways to do this.

And I understand that a lot of folks like the current care system because it's realistic. But there has to be a line in game development where enjoyment in a game is prioritized over the realism of the game, not to mention the health of the player. Yes, the daily care system is more realistic, but if it is developing an obsessive habit of play to enjoy content that is, realistically, months to years down the line, that's not good for the player and should be changed so players can break from the game without coming back to punished controls. There are better systems that can still be realistic, things like crafting feed schedules to recover health boosts faster instead of having to see the vet, increasing how often the mood goes up so it doesn't take a whole week, changing it so when taking a horse for a ride the mood will increase every 10 or so minutes by engaging with a horse you like. Rewarding players for getting on and playing the game instead of making them dread missing when they should be coming back with excitement for the game.

All of that said, I want to encourage all of you to play more games where you can. I know there are system limitations, restricted budgets, and sometimes regional limits because of limited languages or just straight regionlocks. But in the same way reading makes you a better reader and writer, gaming makes you a better gamer (and developer/designer if you go that route). It helps you identify what you like in games and in the same way that reading other things makes coming back to your favorite all that much better, so does playing other games. I'm going to reblog this in a bit with some games I'd recommend with links to Steam and Epic and I'd encourage you all to do the same.

The takeaway I hope to give is that it's normal and healthy to take a break from games. You can still engage with media without directly engaging with it through fandom. SSE can do more to not penalize players for wanting to take a break, and should. And where you can, you should play more games and break for the health of your relationship with a piece of media you like.

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[bearmustard]

Hi Clare! I've been listening to your podcast and I love that there's a lot of talk about the bears there so I thought I'd ask you, right now there's a lot of accs on Twitter trying to be like them and make people think is all happening again and I know I know is all fake but like idk how to explain why?? Like why can we trust the bears but not all these accs?? My actual question is what was the one thing that made you realize the bears were actually Louis and Harry and not someone random??

Oh nonnie, you really know how to fire me up! Welcome to my favourite topic in all of Larrie fandom. Not the bears, per say, (though I love them with my entire being and they are the thing that kept me a larrie when shit got really hard and confusing) but about thinking critically about how communication is happening, what that looks like, and how we can separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, when it comes to weighing up evidence. 

A quick note - I am wary of the phrase ‘do your research’, especially since it’s become the catch-cry of conspiracy groups like Q etc etc. I believe that you should research, and consider the expert opinions (in this case, a combination of expert evidence, veteran larries’ experience, information from H & L themselves) but human beings are pattern seekers, and there is only so much ‘research’ will tell you, before your brain starts looking for patterns in the smallest things to create a narrative, and that’s not always how real life works. So you have to kind of hold two things in your mind - the first is that we will never know the full story, or even a fraction of it. (Maybe one day we’ll get a tell all, but I’m not holding my breath). The second thing to keep in mind is that real life is messy as fuck, and often stranger than fiction, and things that are TOO neat are things you want to investigate/think critically about/maintain a healthy suspicion about. 

So to your first question - how do you know all of those accts are fake in your gut? Often it’s because they are TOO neat. They line up too well with the story people are telling, which is rarely what the story is. It gets a lot of clout at the time, but long term it doesn’t make sense. I arrived in this fandom at the tail-end of the @goodbyeadulthood phenom, where anybody making any kind of sensible, evidence based theory was called a plant (mostly jokingly) (mostly) so I guess being able to see that this has all happened before gives me a bit of perspective when it comes to excitement about “insider accounts”. Accts like CBO and hscox94 have very clear patterns - they are ridiculously vague, they almost never predict (always following, not leading, events), and they conveniently change/adapt their story to the prevailing winds of fandom opinion. 

How we know the bears were the real deal then? I mean, honest answer is we really can’t ever know, but there is compelling evidence that they were. @tellmethisisnotlove has an excellent masterpost (that I just realised feature some of my own theories, lol) on how the bears link to 1D, and specifically to Harry and Louis. 

What people forget, though, because it’s been accepted fandom lore for so long, but many larries were not convinced that it was Harry and Louis themselves at the time. It’s only with hindsight that the majority agree. We knew they were connected to the band. RBB definitely started from (probably) Josh Devine, probably as a joke, because he created the first twitter acct, but it was very different in tone from what the bears would become. 

RBB really was just considered a cute tour mascot, and that only started to change in the Europe leg of the OTRA tour. Coincidently, this was after the 2 month break where BG was set up, H & L were separated, and L had a bunch of behind the scenes stuff going on with Sony and SYCO. Prior to this, H & L had been less cryptic in their resistance (big gay war of 2014 anyone?) and had paid a heavy, heavy price. 

So in Europe, RBB gets a pal, and all of a sudden, they’re being dressed up, usually in the same costume (this is why he was called Teddy Mercury to start) and was just a fun thing to watch out for. They were linked to the band (any roadie you talk to says there’s no fucking way they wouldn’t be signed off by the band) but not in a tangible way. 

It got really nuts in July (which, in my head, is when Louis takes over the bears fully, with Harry) for the US leg. This is when big money starts being spent, the scenes get way more elaborate, they start using the blue and green (and red) stickers, and they start featuring props about closeted gay artists, or famous people who had to hide a secret, or sony flip phones (you get the gist). My recollection is that it wasn’t until Vancouver, and the KD Lang book, that the fandom started thinking the Bears were telling us anything, and then we went back and with hindsight realised there were small references to events. 

Even then, there was extremely healthy skepticism in the fandom about the bears being directly from Louis and Harry until much later, when in London they had the blue and green spotlights and the ‘Love Larry’ picture. You can hear in the podcast ep the week we finally feel like we can say for sure it’s Louis (and we are hysterical about it) and that’s the week of Belfast, the countdown, the newcastle gay bar, and the reflection of Louis’ shirt in RBB’s sunglasses. That’s in OCTOBER. Nearly FIVE MONTHS of RBB and SBB leaving us cryptic clues and getting more and more elaborate. Five months of people (including die hard RBB fans like myself) constantly doubting themselves as to whether it really meant something. Moreover, the interview where they are asked about it was December, and so for many that was the final piece of the puzzle, so we forget now that there was so much uncertainty about how much we could trust it. 

Even now, there are things that we haven’t figured out about the bears, that suddenly make sense when something from the time is revealed, and that has been happening since hiatus. 

And that’s my answer - TLDR - that hindsight, critical thinking/understanding, and context are what tells us the bears are the real deal, and were orchestrated by Louis and Harry in response to events and pressures behind the scenes. That they found a way to support and encourage their LGBT fans (and allies) in a year where a lot of things were awful. Those bears were the goddamn light in the tunnel, showing us a way to understand. 

[lordabovehelpme]

Can I request something for Kylo Ren, in which the reader is dating him and is a pianist? She often provides music on the piano for the employees of Star Killer and for a prank, she plays different tunes to Kylo’s every move and he gets annoyed by it? She does so until he gets annoyed enough to smash her keyboard to pieces in front of everyone and they all get a good laugh from it! 🤪😂

In the Hall of the Mountain King- Kylo Ren x reader

A/n: Hello! Thank you for requesting. It’s actually funny you bring up piano, because I’ve been playing since I was about two years old. However, because of this I couldn’t bring myself to write about destroying a piano. I hope this still works!

Summary: You, a pianist, find yourself the new center of attention for the employees of the Star Killer.

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you and Kylo first started dating you begged and begged for him to get you a piano. You’ve been able to play since you were a kid and you love it, albeit if someone asked if you were good you would deny it.

That one day that Kylo surprised you with a piano in your shared quarters you nearly cried. Gleefully sitting on the bench and running your fingers over the ivory keys. Kylo’s eyes twinkled in adoration when you started to play Clair de Lune; the melody filling his heart.

One afternoon you were playing the piano, fingers flying creating beautiful tunes. A stormtrooper had been sent to your quarters on a mission to find Kylo, but stopped when he heard you.

“Um, hello. I am looking for the Supreme Leader.” You turn on the bench to face him. “Oh, he's not here right now.” The stormtrooper nods his head and turns to walk back into the vast halls. Albeit, he pauses, as if debating on a thought.

“I really like your playing. It's quite beautiful.” He bashfully admits.

“Really? Thank you so much.” You smile at his compliment. The stormtrooper nods his head again and finally walks away. Still smiling, you turn back to the keys and begin a new song.

Word started to flood across the base of your “magical hands that could produce melodies of another world.” Stromtroopers and Generals started to take detours in their daily walks to work to catch moments of your songs; it was the new hot topic of the ship.

Later in the week, you were walking to the landing dock to meet Kylo after one of his quick missions. You are known as much kinder than him; compassionate and welcoming. People always smile and say hello to you as you walk by. You have never wanted anyone to fear you as they fear Kylo so you always smile back.

“Miss Ren?” A bashful stormtrooper grabs your attention. You turn and nod, encouraging them to continue. “Would you mind playing some more piano later today?” The surrounding crowd, now engaged in your conversation, make noises of agreement.

“You’re playing is really pretty. It calms me on my back to my quarters.” A passing general added.

“Me too!” Added another stormtrooper.

“My favorite is when you play the slower ones.” A technician added.

“Really, I like the faster ones with more rhythm. It creates a spring in my step.” Laughed another person in the crowd.

You’re now blushing with all the compliments and attention, “I didn’t know you all could hear me.”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say we love it.” The first stormtrooper said.

Kylo arriving now a second thought, “Well, how about we move my piano into the main hall then? That way I can play for you all during your work.” Cheers and nods of agreement. “Do you mind helping me move it? It’s quite heavy.” You chuckled.

“Sure thing.” A group of stormtroopers followed you to your quarters, moving the piano for you.

People gathered around the instrument as you sat on the bench. They were all buzzing from excitement. Hushed conversations were happening as they awaited you to begin. You started playing Une barque sur l’océan and everyone stopped to fully listen.

Kylo walks away from the landing dock, wondering where you were. Weren’t there usually more stormtroopers around? He starts his trek back to your quarters. But then he hears it, a strong melody flowing through the halls. Then he notices a crowd of people where the music is coming from. Nobody sees him as he approaches. He comes to find you playing, but he finds something interesting too, everyone looks so happy. You look up and the melody stops.

“Kylo! Welcome back.” You say getting up from the bench. The energy of the room goes from happy and content to worried and frantic. People rush away to their stations and duties, scared the Supreme Leader will have their heads.

“What is going on?” He asks, furious that they were not working.

“They asked me to play and I couldn’t help myself. You know how much I love it!”

He sighs, remembering how peaceful everyone seemed, something he had never seen from them. He debates in his head, maybe having you play wasn’t so bad. He huffs, “Did you mind playing for them?”

“Not at all! It was so nice creating a place of peace for them.” You smile.

God, that smile, he thinks. Well, he wouldn’t mind being able to hear your sweet melodies as he worked.

“If we keep the piano here will you play while I work sometimes?”

“Really? Of course! That would be lovely!” Jumping in excitement, you wrap your arms around him.

Thus, from then on you always played for the ship. People often compliment you, saying how much they love it, some even start to make song requests.

As time went on and it became more and more of a regular thing to have you play, you started to get cheekier with the melodies you play at times. Specifically, whenever Kylo would walk around the halls all stoic and menacingly you would play In the Hall of the Mountain King, matching the beat to his loud stomps. People caught on fast as to why you were playing that specific tune, often quietly laughing to themselves.

One day however, Kylo got back from one of his more intense missions. He was drained and all he wanted was to retire to your arms for the rest of the day. His muscles still flexed with adrenaline as he walked down the halls, hand hovering over his lightsaber as if he was still in battle. He heard your playing echoing throughout the ship, yet people were watching him. Were they snickering? The thump thump thump of his boots approached you. He noticed something interesting, you timed your song with his steps. Were you mocking him? You were! He felt the rage and fury build throughout his body, grabbing the lightsaber and igniting it.

You’re happy to see him coming home to you, looking up you smile at him but you’re met with a hum of power. His visor is trained to the piano, his body vibrating with fury. You immediately stop playing and gasp, moving between him and your precious instrument.

“Kylo! Kylo, please don’t.” Throwing your hands up as if you could stop the massive man.

“You were mocking me!” He accuses, lightsaber still humming.

“No, no no no. I know it may look like that but it’s actually a compliment!” You’re crying now at the thought of him destroying something so sentimental to you.

He stops, looks at you, and waits for an explanation.

“It's a piece called In the Hall of the Mountain King. I thought it fit because you have a nice rhythm to your steps and we are in your hall, plus, you are the Supreme Leader. So, practically a king”

He waits a moment before turning off the powerful weapon. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, tears stopping.

“I’m sorry. I know some people find it amusing. I won’t play it again.” You look up into the darkness of his visor. You can feel his strong gaze on you.

“No, it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t have to worry about what piece you play. It was wrong of me to assume it was your doing, when it is obviously the incapable people of this ship.”

You smile and hug him, “Thank you.”

“Do you really think I’m a King?”

“Only the best.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you all liked it!

Love, Lordy.

[modew]

Sometimes my straight friends just don’t get me

So here is a funny thing that happened: When I first read ‘Boyfriend Material’ by Alexis Hall I thought I was as straight as they come. Some time later I figured out I was aroace and some more time later I reread the book. Because I am absolutely in love with the author. And I am saying ‘in love’ because I derive great joy from putting that term in my aromantic mouth.

Ok, so now I am a queer person reading about queer people and there is this dialogue that suddenly feels relevant to my life:

“I’d like you to come as my date to Jennifer’s thirtieth birthday in a couple of weeks.” […] I gave him a suspicious look. “Are these your straight friends?” “I don’t generally categorise my friends by sexuality.” “Do you only have straight friends?” “I know Tom. And…and you.” “Tom doesn’t count. [...] And I’m the rando you’re pretending to date, so I’m pretty sure I don’t count either.” [...] “My friends are just the people who happen to be my friends. There are a lot of straight people in the world. I like some of them.” “Oh my God.” I gazed at him in horror. “You’re like one of those documentaries about, I don’t know, a pig that got lost on the edge of the village and wound up being raised by gorillas.” “I…I think that might be insulting.” “Pigs are cute.” “It’s more that you seem to object to my not choosing my friends based solely on who they do, or don’t, want to sleep with.” “But do they not just…not get you?”

So I was like, well, shit, am I a lost pig? Because sometimes I feel my straight friends just don’t get me.

There was a short time where I kept the discovery of my asexuality to myself but then I did come out to my friends. I was a little nervous about it, but mostly I thought about sharing this world that I had found with them. I was full of excited energy and I wanted to be able to enjoy my delight with them. What actually happened was kinda anticlimatic though.

I got so caught in trying to explain the concept to them that my excitement took a backseat. For me learning about asexuality was about something that was already part of me. Every piece of information I absorbed just clicked. You all know how it is. But still, I had never known about asexuality and I picked up all the information from scratch. So I assumed a little shortsightedly that I would explain to people in my life everything I had learned super smoothly. After all I had just learned about a whole new world myself. I don’t remember anymore but it probably occurred to me that explaining something to someone who doesn’t feel like ‘everything makes so much sense now!’ wouldn’t be the same. But I don’t think I could have grasped how truly difficult it can be to present people with something that quite frankly disrupts how we learned the world works.

I tried to explain how I felt and what my experience was but it’s kinda weird to tell people who you have known for years that you felt something your whole life although you never once mentioned it before. Letting people in is not my favorite past time so I was afraid there was a huge disconnect for my friends from me being a regular jane to claiming there has always been a part of myself that was different from other people.

But the thought that actually made me think of the scene I quoted was that after initially coming out to my friends we don’t really talk about it anymore. It never really comes up. And just by writing this blog it’s pretty clear that I have a lot of feelings I need to work through and that my allo friends are not really the outlet I need. Maybe that’s unfair to them. After all I am a huge introvert and simultaneously a ball of insecurities so me not being able to bring up my identity stuff is mostly on me.

At the same time it’s like in the quote. The character asks “But do they not just…not get you?” and I want to answer ‘Yeah, they don’t really get me.’

I can tell them stuff but sometimes I feel like I am just monologuing and they don’t have anything to say because they can’t relate. It’s too far removed from their reality of life. I feel like I need to repeat this is also in large owed to my own insecurities. I always slightly worry that people can’t really relate to what I say and think I am weird or something.

The only time I can remember to really talk about ace related stuff to my friends was when I was coming out to my parents. I could talk about my nervousness beforehand and they were there in the aftermath. I was so glad to have my friends and to simply know they were on my side. But I can’t shake the feeling that coming out is the only thing that came up with my friends because that’s a relatable topic and not ace specific necessarily.

Maybe I gave up from the get-go because I don’t see the point in talking to someone who can’t relate? It’s just so much easier to talk to people on AVEN or here where I can just jump into what I actually want to talk about without having to explain stuff first.

Well, I guess what it comes down to in the end is when I read that scene in the book it really spoke to me because sometimes what it boils down to is ‘no, my straight friends don’t get me. Seems like I need to find me some queer friends’.

Or live in pandemic times and talk to people on the internet…

[upthewitchypunx]

A Dabbler’s week of DIY Witchery

All us witches are steamed about the nonsense article where the person tried to become a witch in a week and concluded that we were anti-vax science deniers. We can all be annoyed at the article, but @asksecularwitch​ had a better idea to suggest what we would have someone do to explore witchcraft for a week or to dabble in witchcraft. There’s no shame in dabbling! How are you ever going to know if you like something if you don’t dabble?

So, here’s mine. I preface it with saying that I am an agnostic secular witch and I call my practice DIY Witchery. So, here’s how to explore that if it’s a think you might like doing.

Day 1: Clean your fucking room!

I’m not going to say what day of the week you should start. My weekend is Wednesday/Thursday so start whenever you want. You know what, you don’t even have to do this one day after another day if something comes up, just the idea that you intend to do all of it is a good start.

What you need: Tea light, safety pin, a match or lighter, a notebook, a pen, and a lot of work.

The first day of any project is almost always the most exciting one and the one that you are more inclined to put effort into. So, we are going to go big!

Clean your room! I mean it. Wash and put away your clothes, change your sheets, sweep or vacuum your floor, wash your windows, dust, change that burnt out lightbulb, take all the dishes out of your room,  take your trash out and I mean the trash literally and figuratively. While you are cleaning your room think about what you want to gain from a week of exploring witchcraft. What are your interests in witchcraft? Do you want to do spells? Do you want to feel more safe? Are you interested in self-care? Do you like plants/cooking/animals and think there is something more you can do with these interests in an esoteric or occult way? Do you just want to see what all this new age woo fuss is about? All of these are valid reasons so keep them in mind when we go on to the next step and also keep your mind open because all of these things could change and that’s okay too. Then, take a bath or shower and get all that cleaning grime off you. There’s a reason “shower thoughts” hit us the way they do. Our body is relaxed and processing things differently so keep thinking about those thoughts you’ve had all day and what you are going to do with them.

Do you have an altar? I’ll bet you do! It doesn’t have to be all candles, cauldrons, and goblets and shit. It could be a flat surface where you have trinket boxes you received as gifts or an area where you have photos of friends and loved ones, or maybe a desk with your computer which is like a link to the world. We all create these spaces because they are pleasing and they remind us of who we are. Sometimes these get cluttered with empty ice cream tubs, keys, receipts, random paper but that’s why you cleaned your room so you can keep this space clear for the week. For this week, we’ll call this space “your space”

It may have been a long day and you are probably tired but you are almost done. Look around your room and admire your work. Seriously, a deep clean is so much work but so fulfilling when it is done. Get yourself a snack (or order some food if your budget allows) and get something to drink and find a cozy place to sit with your notebook.

Okay, get your snack and your drink and get that tealight candle and with a safety pin or a knife or something and carve something into the candle like “witchcraft” or “witch week” or “let’s dabble”, basically something that states that this is something you want work on. Place that in your space and light it while you write in your notebook. Think about all that stuff you were thinking about while you were cleaning. What interests you in witchcraft? If there are any aspects of witchcraft that interest you, write that down. State that you are starting this DIY project in earnest and are actually interested in taking it on. Part of taking up this project is too look at the world in a new way. The world is full of tools that might be useful if you learned to look at them in a different way. This week if you feel the urge to pick up weird objects off the ground to be used later or things that catch you eye like an acorn cap, bottle cap, or a literal fork you find it the road, or even if you see an object you can afford to buy that you think might be useful, do it. These collected things will be used for a divination project at the end of the week. Collect them and place them in your space throughout the week and document where you find them. Keep in mind your commitment to this DIY project all week when you are making choices. Remember if you decide to change your goals that’s cool.

Day 2 - Energy, Grounding & Centering

Yesterday was a lot of work so today we are going to do a quick exercise called Gounding and Centering. A simple exercise that a lot of witchcraft books I started on always mentioned that seems to be out of fashion or just skipped these days. I find it is a good trick to keep in my pocket for when I’m am upset of scared or anxious and not just for casting spells or whatever.

The general idea is to feel energy moving or to at least visualize it or maybe understand it in a strange intellectual way. It’s good to keep you in the moment, for me at least. First, let’s talk about the body and energy and how weird it is that we are alive and how our body has all these electrical impulses shooting through our nerves and telling my fingers to type this right now, ya? Being alive is pretty neat. What does a process that happens without thought feel like? Put your hands/palms together less than an inch apart without touching and think about the feeling. is it warm? Is it prickly? Does it feel like magnets repelling each other? Move your hands back and forth with the same short distance between them. Do you feel anything? It’s okay if you don’t, just try it.  Write down your thoughts in your notebook.

This is what is called a visualization and sometimes people aren’t really into it or are unable to do it and that’s okay but at least give it a try  The traditional grounding and centering is to sit comfortably on the floor, in a chair, or on your bed in your beautifully clean room. Sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw,  and notice your breathing, count to whatever numbers in and out that makes sense to you,  I like 3s but maybe 5s or 7s are more you jam? 

Traditionally your are supposed to visualize yourself as a tree with a tap root from the base of your spine going deep into the earth and drawing energy up and into your body as you focus on your breathing. This would be a way to draw energy for spell work but we aren’t going to do that so just send that energy right back where it came from. I actually like to physically touch my hands to the ground to shed excess energy. Maybe that visualization doesn’t work for you. It’s not really my thing. I imagine a specific location that is a watershed and all the water that falls for many square miles heads to the river, trickles through rocks to a specific place. I gather that and hold what I need and let what I don’t need pass though like the spillway of a damn. It’s more of a receptacle kind of thing for me. Maybe you like the idea of fire filling a room with warmth or the air down a canyon or some sort of science thing like water cycles, heat transference, or osmosis. Write down your thoughts about this experiement, try it a few times in one way and maybe a few times throughout this week.

Day 3- Perception and Animism

What you need: a bus pass and the ability to go outside, and your notebook

Part of this whole witch exercise is look at the world differently so go outside, talk to a tree, watch patterns in nature including humans doing human things like riding the bus or grocery shopping. Don’t wear headphones. Interact with strangers that approach you. Pretend they are NPCs in a video game. Take your notebook with you. Write down any thoughts that come to you about the things you see or feel. Write something on a piece of paper you want to get rid of like a bad date, a habit you would like to quit, an intrusive thought, and throw it away in the garbage in a public place and don’t look back. That’s a small kind of spell.  If you see some change on the ground pick it up. If you see anything of interest fallen on the ground and you feel comfortable picking it up take in home and put it in your space for later, do it. Maybe go to a thrift store and see if anything catches your eye. Does your space need a tealight candle holder? I like to say I go to thrift stores to see if anything ones to come home with me.

Animism is the idea that everything (plants, animals, houses, cars, pencils, etc) has a soul, maybe you don’t believe in souls, I’m a bit iffy on the topic myself. But I do believe things and places have unique essences that make them what they are. I like to call myself a “soft-animist”. Things are created with purpose like a spoon. How do you interact with the spoon doing a spoon thing? Why does a certain smell lift your spirit? Why do you even have a favorite color? This day what about interacting with the essences of things. Things move us without our thinking about it, how do you move things? How do you interact with the world? Write about it in your notebook.

Day 4 - Correspondences and Critical Thinking

What you need: the internet, critical thinking skills, and your notebook

This one might take some time and I kind of apologize but you do have a clean room and the internet so you don’t have to go find some shitty new age book in the bookstore. A lot of witchcraft and spellcraft is based on the use of correspondences for spell ingredients. You will see a lot of these lists that are like “rose quarts is for love” and “rosemary is for everything” or “the color blue is for tranquility and green is for prosperity but also fertility” You will just see lists of these things with no explanation and you are just supposed to memorize them I guess? If you get really detailed some will mention what astrological sign or planet they are associated with even the classical elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. These elements show up in modern witchcraft a lot, they aren’t really my thing, but worth exploring even as a metaphor if you have the time. You’ll also see correspondences for days of the week and hours of the day or season of the year. These ingredients get put in jars, or sachets, or burned in spells. A Correspondence list is just stuff that is associated with a desired outcome of a of spell.

Some of these are based in astrological concepts or the movement of planets as observed through western mystery traditions. Some concepts of correspondences are filtered  through folk magic and the idea that like attracts like, this is called Sympathetic magic. It’s like what you did if you wrote a bad date on paper and tossed it in the trash the other day. See, you did a spell! There is also the Doctrine of Signatures stating that plants that look like things like a plant that looks like a heart is good for your heart or a plant that grows aggressively is good for making a spell to make something move faster.

This is why there are endless lists of correspondences. You can go look up some endless lists of correspondences to see what I mean. Does this sort of historical context mean anything to you? Does timing mean anything to you? What if you made your own correspondences? What would that look like? What if you hate the color orange because it was your ex-husband’s favorite color? Then chuck it out of the rainbow mix! Plants and other things are often gendered, why? 

Pick 3 herbs in your spice cabinet or a plant you found outside and look up the magical correspondence for it. Does it make sense to you? If not, what do you think would better represent a desired outcome? What colors, plants, flowers, sounds make you happy or sad, write that down.

Day 5 - Sigils

What you need: Pen and paper

I love sigils but the idea of what they are and how they work has been changing lately. I’m kind of old school with sigils. The idea is that you have a statement of something you want to achieve, but you write it in the present. Maybe you have decided you want to be a witch so you write “I AM A WITCH” now, drop the vowels, “M W T C H” now take those letters and turn them into a symbol, overlap the letters, make it look pleasing to you. There! You have a sigil. I like to keep these around for a few days until you forget what it was supposed to be. The idea is that you take in the idea of the symbol and it becomes part of you, then you burn it and the sigil is gone but still resides in you. There’s are lots of ways for sigils to operate these day it seems, some are charged through self pleasuring before being destroyed, some act like a sticker that you place on something and it stays there and is not destroyed, I just like to hang out with them subtly reminding myself of whatever the reason I crafted it. I highly suggest reading this article on Run Soup about sigils and images in general and how they affect humans.

Day 6 - Knot Spell

What you need: a length of swing or rope

This is a fairly simple folk charm. There’s a lot you can do with fiber art and magic but we’ll start here. Get a length of string, or dental floss or an old shoelace, whatever can be tied 9 times. If you wanna feel witchy, light the candle in your space in your clean room.  Think of something you would like to manifest like waking up on time to get to work early or remembering to water your houseplants, do that grounding and centering thing from day 2, then tie the length of thread in order as outlined in this image while saying each line of the spell. Now you would let go of that energy and eat some food. Leave the knotted string in your space. Write down your thoughts on the experience.

Day 7 - Divination

What you need: A book, some way to listen to music digital and all the stuff you picked up off the ground

When people think of divination they think of tarot cards or reading tea leaves but there’s lots of different kinds of divination and there’s no reason to fork over money for a tarot deck when it just might not be your thing. I don’t know how it works or why it works but I’m more inclined to say that our brain is paying attention to everything and we fixate on symbols and archetypes because they remind of what our unconscious has been sorting out while we’ve been sleeping. 

I’m going to suggest three forms of divination: Biliomancy, Shufflemancy, and Cleromancy. Pick one or pick all three if you feel like it. If you guessed bibliomancy was about books, you would be correct! Originally it was to use the bible but any big book will do, especially if the books means something to you. I have this lovely edition of Lord of the Rings that’s fantastic for this. Close your eyes, you can do the grounding and centering thing if you would like, think of a question, open the book to a random page, point your finger and read the line. Did you get some sort of answer?

Shufflemancy would be putting your music on shuffle and asking a questions for and for the next track to give you some insight. 

Cleromancy is divination through small objects. It often has to do with tossing the objects and observing where they land in relation to each other but we are just going to simplify it. Remember all that stuff you picked up off the street? You didn’t do it? That’s okay. Get a small bag or maybe a stock or something and gather some small object, the ones you found or some other objects that will fit in the bag. Ask a question, toss the bag around a bit and let one object fall out. What does that object mean to you? Was it something you found? Where did you find it and under what circumstances? Was it a gift from a friend or something that has special meaning? Write it down in your notebook.

And thus concludes your week of dabbling in DIY Witchery. Maybe you hated it, but at least you have a clean room.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

October/November Picks

Long time no see! So...it’s been a little bit since I’ve posted a wrap up. I had all intentions of posting one after October, but then you know life gets ahead of you and before you know it it’s Thanksgiving. Not much has changed in my viewing habits for these past two months, so I thought I’d group them together for a mega wrap up. Hope you enjoy :)

Without further ado here come some spoilers.....

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SECRET SOCIETY OF SECOND BORN ROYALS

This Disney + original movie was one of my highly anticipated watches for the fall. I am disappointed to share that it was a let down. The concept was such a cool and creative one. Having the second born in a royal family not simply be the “spare” but be the protector...with superpowers! (In a very YA way, getting their powers at a specific age.) They just should have gone about the story in a better way. I wanted more time with them learning about the powers and to make the villain stronger. Overall the acting wasn’t bad (which is good for a Disney + original), but it was just lacking. The movie was LONG and yet much did not feel like it happened. It was cool seeing Casa Loma (the castle they filmed at) as I was just there two summers ago. Sadly, I will not be watching this movie again.  

VIOLETTA SEASON 3

We all already know how pumped I was when season 3 of Violetta was released on Disney Plus in September. I couldn’t believe it after waiting so long for the second season. I really enjoyed the beginning of this season and knew we would be headed down a road where I would grow tired of the storylines. 

We have hit that point. 

Quick Violetta rant. Things I am done with:

Roxy and Fausta plot

Fran and Diego being a secret

Herman and Priscilla

Pablo not at the studio

Milton being evil

Ludmilla lying

Recently, my sister is catching up to where I am in the season, so this has pushed me to watch more. I am on episode 43 and some of the above venting has been solved, so that is super exciting. I am finding myself wanting to watch it more now, so fingers crossed it continues to get better. 

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS

Kenny Ortega has done it again! When I first heard the premise for this show and watched the trailer on Netflix I wasn’t too sure. Then both of my sisters watched it and they wouldn’t stop talking about it, so that was a sign that I needed to watch it. Since then, I have watched the show twice and can’t stop listening to the music. THIS. SHOW. :) I get the hype. It’s just so wholesome and feel good. The characters are well crafted and the episodes go way too fast. They are the kind of characters (and cast) that make you wish you were a part of the show. I can’t wait for the next season (because there better be one). Definitely add this one to your list if it’s not on their already. 

THE OUTPOST

The Summer CW shows were pushed to the fall line up due to delays in filming of the originally planned shows. I hope this means that they’re getting a little more love this year. The Outpost deserves it, as it is currently in its third season. (I think it might have gotten a little more now that the 100 is over and the commercial aired during the 100′s last season. Maybe people heard Black-blood and decided to give it a go.) This season has seen a new threat and during the first eight episodes there’s been MANY twists and turns, making it hard for me to remember how this season started. There’s been a lot of unrest in the Outpost and changes in who is in charge. While there are some unnecessary plot-lines (like that Tobin had to be married), I’m really enjoying others. Like how important Janzo is, his relationship with Ren, more Munt and that TALON AND GARRETT FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!!! It makes me so happy and is what we deserve after these three seasons. I love how strong both of their characters are and how they are both Warriors. I hope the season ends strong. 

PANDORA

Just like The Outpost, Pandora was originally a Summer CW show that is now airing its second season. I really enjoyed the first season (like more than I was expecting), so I went in with higher hopes for this new season. Unfortunately, I have been let down so far. With the first season, there were parts that left me confused and my biggest review of this show has always been how there were gaps or moments where I didn’t know how much time had gone by. Those kind of things I could overlook, but this season the overall plot just seems weaker. I think this in part because of so many new characters. I know a lot of the season 1 cast ended their characters’ plots away from the Academy, but I wasn’t expecting them not to be a part of this season’s story. That has been a difficult adjustment. I also feel like I only understand Jax’s story and not so much about the other government/rebellion points. It’s getting a little better, but I hope it gets to be more enjoyable. 

THE SPANISH PRINCESS--SEASON 2

When I originally was creating this list I had just started this season, and felt completely different than I do right now. I just finished this season last week. Much like my above review on Pandora, The Spanish Princess wasn’t sucking me in. I had a few episodes gather on the DVR. Then once we hit episode 3 or 4 and more drama was starting/Henry was starting to show glimpses of the Henry VIII we all know, I was growing more interested. In season 2 of the Spanish Princess, we do not see a loving Catherine and Henry for long. Problems Catherine have in conceiving a boy (male heir) are one of the main focal points, as is Woolsey’s growing influence on the king. With several sub-plots this season, I specifically enjoyed learning more about Meg in Scotland (as a big Mary Queen of Scots/Reign fan, I liked seeing a portrayal of her grandmother) as well as Princess Mary Tudor (who I was unfamiliar with. I loved her and Charlie Brandon’s relationship and wish we could have gotten more.) Each week I watched this show, I found myself Googling a lot. That is always one of my favorite parts of watching a historical drama based on true events. I know right now it looks like the producers aren’t continuing with the Tudor line and might have a different part of history as their next show, but I wish they would. I’m feeling the call to watch the Tudors as it’s on Netflix and I haven’t seen it before. I want to learn more about his wives. 

BLOWN AWAY

In a complete shift from a period piece, here is another Netflix show I thoroughly enjoyed watching last month. Do you find the act of glass blowing to be extremely interesting, but you would never dream of trying yourself? Or do you like competition game shows that are not like anything else you’ve watched before? Then Blown Away might be for you! It’s a very fast watch with only a handful of episodes that are about a half hour a piece. (I honestly wished they were a bit longer because it was SO GOOD!) Each contestant is a glass blower and they get to show off their skills by competing in a specific challenge. Each episode you see someone get eliminated until the final where the winner gets a residency at Corning Museum of Glass in upstate New York. This show came out in 2019 and I am hoping a second season comes out.   

LIFE IN PIECES

This CBS comedy was one that I remember loving when it first came out. But I only remember watching the first season because then I couldn’t remember which day it was on. (It’s going to sound weird, but because I don’t watch a lot on this network I often forget it exists. We also only had a one room DVR at the time, so we couldn’t tape more than 2 things. Oh, the joys of multi-room DVR). After I finished my re-watch of Derry Girls in September, I was looking for another sitcom to re-watch. This was when I stumbled on the full series of Life in Pieces on Amazon video. (It’s free to watch with Prime.) I was so surprised to see there were 4 seasons! Since then I have been watching a good amount of episodes when I sit down to watch it. Now I’m about mid way in the second season. I highly recommend this show if you haven’t seen it before. It gives vibes of Modern Family. Very short episodes that include four storylines. The format is one that I haven’t seen done before in a sitcom.

SUPERMARKET SWEEP

The revival of the beloved game show from the early 90s is now hosted by Leslie Johns and is the best thing you should be watching on Sunday nights. If you know your grocery shopping list like the back of your hand then you are all set for this show. Leslie Johns is hilarious as are the cast of characters that are regulars in her supermarket. I think it would be a great TV show to be on and I’m not just saying that because I want one of the sweatshirts (although that would be great). If you want (another) feel-good watch, look no further! You catch up on demand. 

RE-WATCHING

ANNE WITH AN E

It’s hard to believe that we only got the third season of Anne with an E at the beginning of this year (as this year feels like its been going on forever and when I watched the third season I was in a much less stressed place). Currently, I am teaching a class involving Little Women and Anne of Green Gables. The main focus is on how these stories get adapted in recent times and include such modern plots (and sub-plots). Naturally Anne with an E is perfect for this topic (and after watching season 3 at the start of the year) was one of my major reasons for choosing this topic. (The other being Greta Gerwig’s latest Little Women.) As I’ve been planning my schedule, I’ve re-watched this show. There is something so great about watching it from season 1 all the way through to season 3. You get to watch them grow up and it’s crazy to see how young they first were. Comparing it more to the novel has been a fun time, but also analyzing it more has been great and made me appreciate it even more. With all the stress of our current situation watching this show has made me escape and feel good. (Yes, I know I’ve used that word a lot in this wrap up, but it’s true.)

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Hopefully my next wrap up isn’t as delayed. Wishing everyone a happy holiday season! 

[logical-little-lies]

Discussions and Observations- Agere!Sides AU (pt.34)

a/n: okay so after this chapter there will be a chapter or two focusing around Remus learning about the others littlespaces and such, and that’s all I’m gonna reveal. I have a plan though, that spans over about five chapters that lowkey focus on Remus and Janus, then there is gonna be a whole other hing that I’m SO EXCITED FOR. So, be prepared for that.

Also, give a lot of thought to Janus and Virgil’s discussion in the first part of this chapter...it’ll give you the opportunity to make some predictions about some upcoming plotlines. Specifically Janus mentioning the so called “neutral sides”, and his question about Thomas.....

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All the sides could admit that everything was soft of hectic and confusing. No, there wasn't anything wrong, exactly, but there was just a lot going on at once. Janus hung out with the core sides during the day, and went back to the dark sides tower at night. Remus was starting to question why he was never told anything about these visits.

Remus might've known about Janus, but Janus wasn't going to out the others on their regression.

Janus was still regretting telling everyone a bit. With Patton he slipped up, with Logan he was just careless, and he wasn't mad at Patton for telling Roman. Patton explained what had happened and he got it. He was just second guessing it, getting the anxious after feeling that they were judging him, even if it made no sense. They didn't push him though. They were pretty open about their littlespaces, but they didn't make him open up about his before he was ready.

No one but Virgil knew his age range, his interests, what he was like while little. He kept it all locked up. Virgil was sure that eventually, he wouldn't be able to repress his regression anymore, and he'd slip casually during a normal day. They'd have to wait and see.

As for Janus meeting the regressed sides, he actually interacted pretty well with them. Little Roman didn't like him a ton, but they did color together. Regressed Logan was curious about his scales, and Janus answered every question he had, and even let him touch that side of his face. The boy was just curious, and Janus was willing to respond to that curiosity. For Patton, he was pretty good at understanding when he wanted something, just based off of noises and motions he made while nonverbal.

So, all in all, thing were going pretty well, it was just a lot at once.

Janus had arrived at in the core side commons pretty early in the day on this particular day. Roman was brainstorming ideas in his room. Little Patton and Logan were taking a nap in the caregiver's room, so Virgil and Janus were left to hang out. "Here," Virgil handed him a buttered piece of toast, a slice of his own in his hand.

"Thank you, your Emo Dorkiness," Janus did a slight mock-bow, as best as he could from his spot sitting on the table. Again, chairs are for the weak.

Virgil chuckled and rolled his eyes, pulling the chair closest to Janus from it spot, and taking a seat. "Okay, I know everyone has been avoiding this topic forever, but when are we gonna tell Remus?" Janus blurted out after a couple long moments of silence.

"I don't know how he'd act around us while regressed, I'm worried he'll be weird." Virgil objected, taking a small bite from his toast.

"After he found my pacifier and I explained everything to him, there were multiple times were he'd stumble upon me while regressed. He'd always, kind of falter and change his attitude. It's not like super caring, or affectionate, but none of his usual weird shenanigans. He'd just ask if I was okay, and if I needed anything, and then leave me alone." Janus offered, shrugging.

"So he's not terrible with littles, he actually has a filter? I guess that's good to know.  I mean, eventually he'll find out, I don't know if we can avoid it. But based off of our theory, we think he'll turn out to be a regressor too," Virgil groaned. "I feel like Little Remus will be a disaster and a half."

"So you're guy's theory is that we all regress, because of Thomas holding onto his inner child or whatever? This includes all the dark and neutral sides?" Janus finished off his toast once completing his statement.

"I don't know about the neutrals. I still don't understand them completely." Virgil had once again, forgotten about the existence of the two neutral sides. Sleep and Empathy, they were originally characters that Thomas created for skits or youtube videos that weren't meant to be sides, but somehow, like the rest of them, they became sides. All you need to be considered a side, or figment of Thomas, is to represent a part of him, or have a job within his mind.

Remy had the job of controlling Thomas's sleep schedule, he was effected by the other sides a lot. Virgil and Remy had conflicts quite a bit, but they hadn't talked in a while. Remy kinda just hung out, in The Vineyard Village, with Emile in their little cottage. The Dark Sides nor the Core Sides really knew them, at all.

Emile was the source of Thomas's empathy, and he also sort of shared the job of inner-child with Patton. Emile wasn't bad, but he wasn't a core side because he wasn't a main part of Thomas's personality. He was just kind of there, and only stepped in when needed, from a distance. He didn't leave the mindscape much.

"Okay, kind of off topic, but if we all really do regress...wouldn't Thomas regress too?" Janus questioned. Janus was asking a question that would matter later on, but at the moment, Virgil didn't know how to respond.

"Maybe? I'm not really sure," Virgil ate the last of his toast, thinking. "We'll find out eventually, I suppose. I don't know if that's how it works-"

"Veevee?" Roman's little voice shocked Virgil. He was just big, working on a project for Thomas and brainstorming, a little bit ago.

"Hello there, you finished your brainstorming?" Virgil spoke softly, opening his arms up and welcoming Roman for a hug.

"Yeah, got ideas for Thomas to make tomorrow! But now I'm bored, playtime?" he tilted his head. Janus gave Virgil a glance that seemed to read 'we'll continue this conversation later'.

Roman switched his mindset quickly, he must have gotten stressed with the work, or he had lacked inspiration. Either way, Virgil and Janus's discussion of the theoretical possibilities of Thomas being a little, along with the possibility of Remus, the neutral sides, and the unknowns also being regressors, was put on hold.

"How about we just watch some cartoons today?" Virgil offered. Roman was apparently not afraid to act out in front of Janus.

"No, wanna play! Color with me!" he stomped his foot, then faltering and giving a apologetic soft look. "Please? Didn't mean to yell, no throwing fits." he shook his head at himself, mimicking what Virgil would've said to him at the end of his statement.

"I'll color with you, honey. Good job on remembering to use your manners," Virgil sighed. Roman was trying his best. Roman reached up to get a hug, which Virgil gave into immediately, snuggling him close before letting him go back to his room to gather coloring books, crayons,colored pencils,markers, and stickers. Basically all the art supplies needed to create a masterpiece, in the mind of a five year old, at least.

"You guys all just regress, whenever you want to?" Janus seemed a little jealous.

"Basically. I mean, if we have work we prioritize it. But Roman brainstormed some things, which is all he needed to do. I thought you said Remus didn't really care, doesn't that mean you could regress whenever, too?"

"It's still scary, though." Janus looked down, swinging his feet a bit.

"When was the last time you regressed?" Virgil asked in curiosity, causing Janus's head to shoot up.

"Uh...when you came to the tower after Easter," Janus admitted. He knew Virgil was probably gonna tell him is was bad to repress his headspace for that long, because there was no way he just didn't regress for that long. He had been pushing down his littlespace.

"You know, you don't have to be scared with us. We won't judge you, and I can take care of you," Virgil assured, Janus going silent and looking back down at his feet. He swung them again, in a childlike way.

"I know. I just...it's hard to open up, and be the vulnerable and cutesy in front of everyone. I know it's not bad to act like that, and that it helps me and I shouldn't prevent myself from using that coping skill. But it's still hard to let myself be like that, because you guys know me as this evil snake side-"

"Janus."  Virgil cut him off in a stern voice, "Just in the past weeks alone, you've show all of us that you're much more than that. You're caring, understanding, and dorky. And I have a feeling that the other core sides will like Little Janus, too." Virgil gave a soft smile.

Janus gave a thankful hum, "You think so?" he tilted his head. Virgil nodded.

Janus knew he was very close to letting himself slip in that moment. He didn't, he pulled himself out of the foggy-childlike headspace and allowed himself to focus on other things, but he did take Virgil's reassuring words to heart. Okay, yeah, he was still anxious about the whole thing, but maybe he'd let himself regress in front of the others soon.

Maybe.

Janus was snapped out of his thoughts when Virgil spoke in a very confused tone. "Remus? What are you- Go away!" Virgil shouted at him, exiting the kitchen and entering the commons where Remus popped up.

"I'm not here to do any harm! Everyone is here, and running around the imagination on my own is getting boring...I was gonna ask Roman if he wanted to resume our adventure plot.." Remus seemed to be telling the truth. He just didn't wanna be alone, and being with his brother sounded nice.

Of course, to add to the confusion, this is when Roman walked out of the hall where the bedrooms were, holding his stack of childish art supplies. Virgil seemed to have calmed down, but Roman looked so confused and scared in that moment. Roman took a second to process the situation before making a snapping motion and making the art supplies disappear. He was now wearing his usual prince attire, with a different posture.

Compared to the others, Roman was the best at pulling himself out of his headspace on command. He didn't like to, and it was difficult to remain out of his littlespace after forcing himself out of it, but it was something he could do if needed.

"What's going on out here? Patton and I just got up and you guys talk loud- Oh!" Logan had exited his room, holding the deeply regressed Patton, who was obviously still waking up and slightly sleepy. Logan looked at Remus, not knowing what to do.

Patton buried his head in Logan's chest, trying to avoid the whole situation. "Wait," Remus looked between Roman, then Janus, and then Patton. He seemed to be thinking.

"Oh, oh!  I got it! Patton and Roman are regressors, like Janus!" he seemed proud of himself for coming to that conclusion. "Oh, I'm sorry! Was I not supposed to know?" he looked between the others, who were all in silence.

"Not really. But, if you already knew about Janus, I-i guess it doesn't matter." Even Logan seemed to be confused. It was just bad timing on everyone's part. But also, no one expected Remus to react so calmly.

"I guess it explains why Roman is randomly unavailable, and why Janus always seems to be leaving parts out when he tells me about his visits here." Remus shocked Logan with how he logically put things together, and Roman just seemed relieved that he was accepting. Patton had lifted his head.

"Yeah, but about the adventure thing, I can go! I'm not in my headspace anymore, and it'll give me a chance to explain everything to you, yeah?" Roman offered.

"Isn't it like, not good to pull yourself out of your headspace forcefully, if you can avoid it? I'm not completely sure on that, but I feel like that's a thing..." Remus looked at Janus, looking back to Roman, who shrugged.

"I already pulled myself out, so I might as well just go with you."

"Wait, where did you learn about that? The effects of repressing regression?" Logan questioned.

"Janus, mostly. I found out about him, and we talked a few times about it," Remus shrugged, seemingly careless about the whole situation. "Wait, is it just the three of them? Or are you and Virgil littles too?"

They had a lot to explain to him.  

[bryanastar]

Getting a Creative Writing Internship: Writing Update 13

Howdy Tumblr! So, from the title, you can probably tell that I’ve been busy this week. I already mentioned briefly in the last post that I was writing a story to try and get a writing internship, but I actually only officially became a part of the team, like, last Saturday. More information down below.

Novels:

N/A

Short Fiction:

So, for this internship I had to write basically a flash piece (the word count was between 600 and 1000) based on a social issue that the organization had yet to cover, and I chose… human trafficking. Don’t ask me why. I really don’t know.

Specifically, the aspect I wanted to cover was how our most vulnerable and voiceless members of society (the poor, immigrants, undocumented, etc.) were the ones most at risk of exploitation because they’re very easy for society to forget they exist.

It was, to be frank, quite a heavy topic to cover in under a thousand words (which is of course why I had to go over and ended up with 1100). Still, I was quite proud of the story when I finished, even though I wrote it in basically two days on my notes app. It was also, admittedly, hastily edited, and I was more concerned with getting the word count down than making sure the story read well (or even making sure I didn’t make any basic typos or grammar mistakes).

I sent the story in on Saturday in the evening, and heard back from the founder the next day in the morning. She absolutely loved the story, and the prose itself, as well as how I handled the social issue within the piece. She heaped a level of praise that was on par with the acceptance letter from Rhodora Magazine. It was great.

After that, the head helped me get set up on the site itself. I set up a Wix account, changed my username, and edited my role in the organization (they call writers here Storytellers, which is just… so fancy and bougie and I love it!).

From there, she talked about the organization itself, and we basically just had a pretty casual conversation about my role going forward (she said she absolutely was not letting me go after the trial story because she was that happy with my piece) and her own experience as a young writer (she got a novel published at 14, which is just… like, literal teen writer goals). She also said that we’d have another meeting in, like, two weeks to introduce me to all the other teen writers (which I’m super excited about).

So yeah, I’m a writing intern now, and I’m super excited for my future with this organization. Apparently, they have a reach of twenty-one thousand people! How crazy is that?! This could really be how my audience begins to grow, and I hope it is the start of a life-long writing career.

That’s all for now. See you next week Tumblr!