#and sometimes its like i post a snippet. a mutual reblogs with something in the tags. im about to reply to them saying

[jessicas-pi]

the struggle is real :(

[mynnthia]

compiling my headcanons for what video games dungeon meshi characters would like, if they were gamers in modern day

some taken from this post and my reblog additions there. added more characters, with some suggestions by friends/mutuals (marked by *asterisk ).

this can also be a games recommendation list based on your fav/most relatable characters too, if you want

characters that are not are included are bc i dont have ideas for them. if i only list the genre name but not any specific titles, its bc im not familiar enough with the character/genre to pick a specific game.

this list is, of course, biased towards games im more familiar with. feel free to ask me to elaborate on my choices or make suggestions in the comments

Laios' party:

Laios: plays lots of Monster Hunter. loves Spore but he doesnt often play past the tribal stage. likes Pokemon but he's more focused on catching the pokemon than following the story. played WolfQuest and DragonFable back in the day. enjoyed the concept of Bugsnax but wasn't interested in dealing with the NPCs

Marcille: mainly Dwarf Fortress, RTS games, some colony sims. but also sometimes The Sims, and dollmaker dress-up games. i could see her also enjoying Rollercoaster Tycoon and making elaborately-themed parks. might also occasionally indulge in some visual novels if she's in the mood for narrative she has Stardew Valley so she can have something to play co-op with falin, but its not a game she plays a lot of otherwise. when playing with falin, marcille micromanages the farm to maximize productivity, and does the decorations

Chilchuck: puzzle games and hidden object/escape room games as a video game-equivalent to finding/dismantling traps and lockpicking. i think he'd also enjoy Bejeweled.

Senshi: mainly Wii games and Cooking Mama. occasionally plays Snake on his 15-year-old nokia phone. i dont think he would enjoy games like Overcooked or restaurant manager games, because he likes to take his time making food, not stressing about customer service

Falin: some *Legend of Zelda games – she likes the exploration aspect in Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, maybe also some of the toon zelda games like Minish Cap or Wind Waker she also plays Pokemon (*Pokemon Go when she's traveling), and i think she would enjoy some indie games, like Penko Park or Chicory: A Colorful Tale. plays Stardew Valley co-op with marcille – falin mainly takes care of the animals, mining, and picking the crops. occasionally makes improvement suggestions that marcille didnt think of

Izutsumi: i could see her enjoying games with parkour mechanics, like *Assassin's Creed, or Mirror's Edge. or maybe something simple but requiring cat-like swipes, like Fruit Ninja. despite her impatience, i think she could also enjoy action games with interesting longer narratives, as evidenced by [this omake] (relevant portion pictured below), so maybe *Final Fantasy 7 – my friend who's familiar with the game said "she’d find Cloud and Vincent relatable"

[ID: a dungeon meshi omake, where laios' party watches a nightmare monster manifest marcille's dream. there are snippets of dramatic soap opera-like dialogue. the rest of the party are initially enthusiastic but get bored over time, meanwhile izutsumi remains enthralled]

Kabru's party

Kabru: definitely Crusader Kings. maybe also some rpgs with relationship/faction mechanics, such as *Fire Emblem (one of the older ones or FE:3H) or Fallout: New Vegas (hes maxing out the speech stat asap) i think he would also enjoy mystery games like Pentiment and Return of the Obra Dinn – he would love the process of getting familiar with the many characters and deducing "who did what" in both games.

Rin: she takes pride in being an indie gamer (translating her disdain for upper class magic academy mages -> disdain for AAA games). given her chain-lightning magic in canon, i think she'd enjoy games with AOE-type magic, so maybe games such as Vampire Survivors. my mutual also suggested she might enjoy indie mystery visual novels like *Paranormasight, and that her AAA guilty-pleasure would be *Final Fantasy 14 – that rin is "a hardcore ff14 raider. would join PUGs and shot-call every week. #holm and diya might also play ff14 casually with rin but holm would be fishing mainly"

Mickbell: mainly Bethesda games like Fallout and Skyrim– enjoys the bootstrapper power fantasy in them. the type to go out of his way to pick up all the loot he can, to later sell

Kuro: enjoys the same games as Mickbell, but for the open-world exploration and investigation factors

Toshiro and Tansu's party:

Namari: her interest in fighting and weapons could translate to brawler/fighting games and action games with a focus on weapon stats – so maybe *Street Fighter, *God of War, and/or *Dark Souls. might play *Monster Hunter with laios but for the weapons. i could also see her occasionally enjoying truck simulators

Toshiro (Shuro): has the perseverance for soulslikes and other high-difficulty action and/or metroidvania games, but would take his time overthinking item/weapon synergies sometimes. given [his fondness for bugs], i could also see him enjoying Hollow Knight

Tade: would enjoy the cute aesthetics and lighthearted gameplay of Animal Crossing and Katamari. would also like idol anime rhythm games

Kiki: i think she would enjoy horror games such as Resident Evil, but would play it while super chill. i dont have much reasoning for this aside from vibes

Canaries:

Mithrun: plays Doom. got into Hollow Knight but still hasn't finished it because he keeps getting lost. senshi introduces him to Cooking Mama later on, which he finds surprisingly therapeutic

Cithis: plays Hitman and enjoys staging elaborate accident kills. i think she'd also enjoy The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, with her background as a devious fortune-teller

Fleki: surreal indie games like Hylics. also plays Team Fortress 2, and is a scout main. occasionally joins lycion in Animal Jam

Lycion: active WolfQuest and Animal Jam player. occasionally joins fleki in tf2

Pattadol: plays Stardew Valley – shes comparatively a normie, but on the meticulous side. she would enjoy perfecting her in-game farm

Otta: plays Genshin Impact. the serious reasoning is because of her (earth) elemental magic and how genshin has an elemental magic system (from my understanding. ive never played it). the joke reasoning is how some genshin players play to collect "waifus", and how otta goes through a lot of women in her dating life

Other:

Leed: runs her own guild in World of Warcraft

Winged Lion: god-games like WorldBox or Simmiland. and Darkest Dungeon (this ones mostly a joke)

Thistle: plays the original Plants VS. Zombies. also plays Minecraft and is very serious about it, but hasn't updated his game in years (translating the fact hes a 1000-year-old kid frozen in time -> playing "slightly old" games popular in the early 2010s)

[ID: tweet reply by twitter user ranchuppi – "thistle calls it lord delgal's server but he is the only mod. whole royal family is locked in spectator mode. Hell. living hell on earth."]

[ashmp3]

It's award season (unconfirmed)! Give some of your mutuals silly little awards.

awww okay sorry for answering late i wanted to sit down and Write It Down. Also sorry to everyone i didnt talk about i love you all for real and i appreciate you being part of ashmp3 nation. Now lets start!

@bewby best cousin award. Seven truly is like my little sister at this point like thats a sibling we just get eachother we followed eachother for such a long time like we went through our teenage years together in a way. love you my bunny girl!!!!! @kurapikasjudgementchain award for putting up with me and being my friend *curtsy*.

@sunuism mutual with the coolest fashion sense for SURE if u havent already u all need to be seated for Ri's fit checks.... @wantbytaemin i would say another cousin award bc sometimes it truly feel like we are so similar on so many levels it just makes me giggle like our grandmothers having the same names thats just insane to me. One of the longest mutuals award and Also best shawol award of course but thats given... @bourgeoix my smart girl mutual you know that post "i have ppl with phd on my dash" yes thats mel to me. when i see your posts talking about either your work or anything really im like THERE SHE ISS i love to see it truly adore it. Also dyke award *everyone cheers*

@seahavaen mutual with hottest sexiest seductive vibes period.

@diamondcrystals best exol award shared with @whitechocolate How are we feeling friends its getting real......

@10281 favorite mutual i made on this blog! hands down. i am grateful svt exists and made us cross paths

@smirnoffgrl my loveliest kaya award for being hottest sweetheart on the whole world and also someone i would love to party with the most out of everyone.. partygirl award

@polaroidlovemp3 friendliest mutual award!!! you are so sweet and cute and i love how we just send eachother posts and tag eachother out of the blue thats literally crucial part of blogging and you get it so well...

@shalalayong BEST TYONGF AWARD! no brainer of course... but i also love when u posts snippets from ur life its so cute Mwah @jeonwonwoo Best insane gifmaker (positive ofc) Zaynab you just get me and thats not an easy thing to do. Congratulations or sorry thats true.... @ayatou Best sweet normal gifmaker (also positive) Ngoc you and Zaynab come together in my mind same coin different sides etc. You are so sweet and friendly and i just love seeing your posts on my dash its an instant re-reblog ...

@mistarover and @jaebeomtual very recent mutuals that both made me feel like we have known eachother for a long time which is always such a nice feeling tbh you both are friendly and talkative and i love that

@pocji mutual with best music taste but also hag mutual (affectionately) we just get eachother I am truly so happy you are still on tumblr... I actually remember following you on my old blog in 2016 and we became mutuals years later and i was GEEKED

@egos and @kitschundschund and for the end my sisters cousins friends from high school etc the shiet we all went through together its just something IRL friends havent gone through LMFAO my favorite girls award !!!!!

[atiny-piratequeen]

how do get people to talk about your stories with you? i've honestly been trying for years, but barely get any interactions from any one. i know i shouldn't be upset about it, but seeing you and other writers talk about their works just... idk kind of makes me want to give up writing. i'm sorry if this is like sad or weird, but i want to have more interactions with my followers but have no idea where to start...

This may sound weird. And im apologizing in advance.

But its luck. Its literally luck. Ive been writing for over 10 years. Ive been writing for kpop specifically since 2018 ish. Its really like playing the lottery.

Against the Tide is my absolute baby and its very similar to Ataraxia in regards to the fantastical setting and it definitely has more content ive produced than anything for Ataraxia and yet I've gotten more interactions with Beauty Leaves and Ataraxia in these past two months than im sure ive gotten for all of Against the Tide in the three+ ish years I've been writing it.

People will pick and choose what they interact with. There is no one set formula for it. Ive seen fluff series get 200+ notes in a few days and people happily interact with the author. Ive seen things similar get 5 notes and all of them are likes.

Even now, really if you look at it, for as much as I'm getting asks on say, Ataraxia as a verse, Beauty Leaves is still sitting at less than 100 notes im pretty sure and the like to reblog ratio is a joke (most of the reblogs are from me.)

The issue isnt with you or your writing. Its with people not sharing your works. Its with people consuming your works and then just dropping nothing but a like and leaving, if that. Thats what hurts us authors the most because we are not being seen. There are plenty of people out there who I'm sure would LOVE to interact with your works. Who may be curious for more or have little world building questions here and there. They'll never see it sometimes if no one shares it. We authors can only reblog our work but so many times but if our own followers wont help share it, who the hell is gonna see it?

Most of the people who regularly interact with my works at the end of the day are my friends. Gaia, Laz, Dior, Luna, Smalls, these are my friends who I've known for years. Met through writing. Fellow people who also may understand how fucking rough it gets for authors when it feels like your work isnt good enough when the person next to you is getting all these notes and interactions, yet you cant even get a single reblog for something you took who knows how long to share and create with the world.

My advice, if I can give any that help with the pain you're going through and I'm all too familiar with- (again. I have over 2k followers, and most of my interactions are from about 5-7 regulars and of that group literally 95% of us are mutuals. My tag list has over 40 people in it and again, i get reblogs from at best, 4-5 of them that are not me usually unless something REALLY pops off...then i may get like. 10ish. Who knows)

Two things.

One, be your own hype person. Our writing, our worlds, are ours. You work hard in your craft and whether or not people see it will not change the fact that you work hard. You're doing it. Stop to look at what you've done and remind yourself "yea. I fucking did that." And be proud because come hell or high water, its yours. Plus, if you have the time, posting things about what your writing (character blurbs, mood boards, story snippets, spoilers here and there, general world building nuggets) help pique interest. Its how i did it with Against The Tide (i literally never shut the fuck up about AtT and people began to notice and get curious) and literally most of Ataraxia's world building now is because again, i didnt shut the fuck up about something that started small and kept talking about things here and there and then people got curious and asked their questions and just like that, it helped me refine and shape what was originally fuzzy images and vague ideas. Sometimes being your own marketing manager helps wonders

Two, your writing is for you at the end of the day. 1k notes or no notes. You're writing for you. As long as its something your passionate about and something you put heart into, its always worth it. Even if other people dont seem to appreciate it. Join some nets, make some friends with fellow writers. Talk about it there. Honestly it works wonders to have other writer friends because some writers (im looking at myself) will deadass reblog shit they know their friend is working on in a heartbeat with or without having read it. The writing community tends to look after each other most of the time here so i would say if its something thats hurting and truly getting under your skin, tell the world more. Join and share with nets. Talk and hype your works up as much as possible.

Its always worth it when you work for it.

Im sorry i dont really have any foolproof method. I have a few of my own friends i feel envy for because of how consistently some of them get reblogs, get shares, get interactions. Its a bitch and a half and its honestly something I've been saying for years. Its not fair for content creators (artists, gif makers, writers) to give give give all of our worlds our crafts and our effort and then have to beg the people who are take take taking to do the bare minimum and interact with more than a passing like, if that.

Im sorry you're feeling disheartened, friend. If you feel comfortable, send your work to me sometime. I'll happily boost you up if you feel okay with it. Every writer has their own stories to share and I hope some day people will appreciate yours, too

Pace yourself and remember you're doing great regardless

[lollytea]

So we all agree that in any Six of Crows AU Huntlow would be Matthias & Nina? Insanely loyal, opposing sides, deprogramming arc for the blonde boy. Would also be really interesting to see Willow post Parem.

I cannot fucking believe this, you have gotten me started.

(Even if you haven't read Six of Crows, I recommend reading the snippets I have here and imagine Huntlow. Because if you are a Huntlow enjoyer, they might make you insane. Or maybe its just me whose brain chemistry is changed by these scenes idk.)

Matthias and Nina were my favourites the first time reading SOC and I somehow never thought of this. But my God. Not only is his arc similar but Hunter acts so much like Matthias sometimes. Stern and gruff but has a sense of humor, plus a sheltered upbringing that has made him socially awkward and a little timid around romance and intimacy. But full of love. So completely overflowing with love. (Though the prejudice he learned from the Emperor's Coven is far different from what Matthias learned from the Druskelle.)

When it comes to Willow and Nina parallels, there's less. But they certainly exist. Willow is just as brave, confidant, smart, sweet, funny and dangerous as Nina. And physically there's the plus size thing and the green eyes and being beautiful. (Willow is called cute a lot in the show. I'm choosing to take this as fact.) But a big aspect of Nina's personality is how flirty she is. Like she's an older, sexually experienced girl who is hot and uses it to her advantage. That obviously isn't Willow, who's just a kid. Like I feel like she knows she's somewhat pretty (she says somewhat cuz she's modest.) And she's probably confidant enough to flirt with Hunter. But she would not be able to go to the extremes Nina goes to while flirting without getting horribly flustered.

So like. Huntlow as Nina and Matthias but a lot more innocent. Not entirely innocent cuz you know how teenagers are, but definitely not to the extent of Nina and Matthias.

Anyway since this ask has gotten me fucking started, I went and combed through the books for Matthias and Nina snippets that remind me of Huntlow. I have way too many. Gonna need to reblog this post once or twice with add ons just so I can get all my gushing out. Please be patient with me. ANYWAY

Very fun to think about Huntlow first meeting knowing that they're on opposite sides so they start off with a far more hostile relationship. However they end up in a situation where they're stranded and forced to work together. And then they manage to find a shelter but they're gonna freeze to death and they gotta do the whole ✨️Huddling For Warmth✨️ trope, which I cannot imagine Hunter being anything but insanely awkward about, though he desperately tries to be objective and professional about it.

Let's just imagine that besides plants, Willow knows one spell for keeping blood circulation going when it's freezing cold. Or maybe she can channel the the essence of the sun? Plants need sunlight to grow so maybe its a feature of her plant spells? Either way, she heats him up.

"He did like the way she talked." <3

Willow eventually learns that jokingly flirting with her enemy (who she has a temporary truce with in order for mutual survival) riles him up something awful. So if she can't kill him, she'll just playfully antagonise him. But at some point or another, this flirting motivated by boredom might have shifted into affection. They've been stuck together for a while now. They're starting to become attached to each other, whether they like it or not.

They are simply very cute. Huge Huntlow vibes here. Willow is being silly and Hunter is trying not to be silly but failing miserably because Willow's silliness is contagious. Also no matter how much Hunter disliked a person, you know he'd save them without a second thought. Willow is beginning to understand the kind of person he is.

Hunter being painfully obvious but also painfully confused.

This is just my Huntlow yellow tulip agenda.

There are simply no words for this one. But if I think about this scene but with Huntlow, I think I'll just fucking explode.

(Also one of Hunter's worst memories being Willow in the cell he put her in. "I never want to see you like this again." OKAY.)

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY Willow taking the parem. It fucking hurts me because she WOULD. Willow is a protector. She is in a dangerous situation where she and her friends are cornered and she needs to protect them. The only option she can think of is taking the lethal addicting substance that will enhance her magic to an impossibly powerful extent but ruin her physically and mentally from withdrawal. If she takes even one dose, she could die or go insane if she's not given another. But it's all she can do right now. She has to keep her friends safe.

And Hunter, who is just as self sacrificing as Willow, BEGGING her not to do this.

And Willow fucking telling him to KILL HER "if it gets bad." I can't take this shit anymore man.

And then after Willow unleashes her power, saves everyone and then begins to suffer from withdrawals. And everything hurts and she's suffering and she can't even hold Hunter's hand.

But she's determined to overcome this. She refuses to succumb to it. And she orders Hunter to keep her from taking anymore. And Hunter is reluctant because he knows what could happen. But though she could die from withdrawals, taking a second dose would be the point of no return. There was no hope of her ever recovering.

Also also also "Touching him hurt but she still did it." I will screech.

I'm not okay about this. I'm not okay at all. I haven't even gotten to Crooked Kingdom yet. Gonna reblog with my CK scenes later.

[hella1975]

HELAL

I have a lot of stuff running through my mind rn and im in a hurry and idk if its going to make sense but oh well.

(its list anon and I have another thing to add to my 'favorite things about finding myself in Hellas circle of existence list thing)

The thing is how much your personality sinks through into your writing and blog thing.

Let me explain,

I lost internet for a few days and I just got it back and was scrolling through tumblr and noticed one of my mutuals reblog something of yours and I was like 'I havent been on the internet for like four days, I wonder what Hella has been up to.' and so I started stalking you (as one does) and like scrolling through your blog and everything and I came across the post you thinged about your hometown and about how shameful you are about your writing and that sent me into a spiral because I know the feeling and couldnt put it into words and I felt so called out.

Thats besides the point.

I had this thing to add to the list for a while and couldn't figure out how to explain it without seeming weird so Im just doing my best here.

It's like when you post things about the things that go on in your mind. I touched on this in my first list thingy with the whole 'when you post little snippets of whats going on in your mind and turn it into what I can only describe as poetyry' part. It's simular but it's not the same.

It's really easy to see someone and follow someone who is so eloquent and brilliant and hold them close to divinity and think about how untouchable they are, which seems weird because I'm on Tumblr of all places. But like when you follow your favorite authors on twitter or instagram and they seem almost inhuman. And sometimes it feels like being that talented is so unattainable because you're not them, you can't spew out flawless lines of words seemingly effortlessly and you cant come up with a plot that clever and even if you can't you can't give the story justice because you're not that good of a writer.

Even other writers on this site are like this and so...ethereal almost. I've mentioned before how a lot of other writer almost run their blog like a business and everything and you scroll through them and see people constantly sending them asks about their works and sending them fanart and people obsessing over their art and like I said it seems unattainable for your average person. Like I dont get that so maybe I'm not that good.

Then I come to your blog and you talk about situations I relate to and you don't hide your humanity and you talk about your classes in economics of all things and your home town and all your problems (while valid) are normal. You're more relatable than the other writers I follow at least.

I've mentioned in other asks ( I dont think they were list ones but they might have been idk ) that you inspire me a lot. This is why. Also the fact that you're my age (I'm 18) and your not in your 20s and you havent taken a decades worth of writing classes and you dont have a degree in literature. You're literally just person living a normal life. That's not to say other authors and writers arent just normal people but you just show it a lot more, idk.

Like reading things like taob and tbos and then going to your main blog and seeing the way you write your stuff in your mind and then going two posts down and your talking about normal things makes me think that maybe I can write something incredible too one day.

And the reason I have the ability to feel that way in relation to you and your stupid blog (affectionate) is because you let your normal personality show, not some robotic businessy- type personality.

That's not to say that I don't think your just an average person, average people can't describe things so rawly. But, like I said, you're not untouchable.

Based on what I see from you and what you show online, I really think that you have the potential to be great one day. Not that you should hold yourself and force yourself into a life you don't want, like if you don't want to be a famous writer, don't be. But I genuinely just hope that you grow up and find a career you're happy in.

More than anyone I see on the internet, you deserve to live a life that you absolutely love, no matter what that might be.

I said it before that I always feel really obsessive when I send asks like this, and I feel creepy, so if I come off that way I'm sorry. I just try to make it a point to tell people when I enjoy them as a person.

Also I have some songs that kind of remind me of you.

The first one if Vienna by Billy Joel. I think the chances of you not knowing this one is very slim because it's such as popular song right now. But it's my favorite song and it reminds me of you.

The other one is read all about it by Emili Sande (pt 3 is the best) I think this song is also pretty popular, it also might not be, idk. But it's one of those songs that not a lot of people that I show it to like. Idk why. The vocals are weird (in my opinion) but I love the lyrics.

If you already know these songs just ignore this part :)

ME WHEN LIST ANON:

[marmolady]

Growing Pains: Part Two

PART ONE    PART THREE

Main Pairings: Estela x MC/Taylor (f)

Summary: Post-ending. For Liv and her mothers, Taylor and Estela, a turbulent period of transition is afoot. Set primarily in the distant future of 2033.

This was only going to be a two-parter, but this installment got so long-winded I split it. So, you can look forward to Part Three soon-- and art for the second and third parts as well. 

Word Count: 5636

WARNINGS: Mentions of transphobia.

More Liv fics here: Livita, Teething Problems,  Milestones and Memories, Mutual Comfort,  All That Matters

Reviews and reblogs are hugely appreciated!

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn, @mrsmontoya, @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @quinnkellys-wife, @greengroove​

San Trobida, 2006

The scratch of her pen on the notebook was not enough to keep the voices in the room next from reaching Estela’s ears, even muffled as they were. She’d pause to concentrate; math wasn’t her strong point, it tended to require a lot of hard thinking, and she’d catch a few more snippets of conversations she knew very well she had no business hearing. Whether she was supposed to or not, she always kept an ear out for her tio’s voice, or his name being mentioned. How could anyone expect her not to? Of course she’d want a heads up if something was planned that would take him away for days at a time. Sometimes the people who left on these missions didn’t come back. Tio Nicolas had a very important job to do, and it made Estela proud, but she was forever holding her breath, waiting to hear whether her uncle would be on the front lines or safe at home. All strategy talk soared straight over her head, but she knew what it meant when Nicolas was called to action.

Then came the voice that Estela had been waiting to hear. Immediately, she scrambled to put her things together, ready, so ready to go home.

The door creaked open, and her mother was standing there.

“Estelita, I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said, a little breathless, as though she’d been rushing to get to the secret house. There was no doubt in Estela’s mind that she had been. “I had some important things to sort out with my manager. No doubt it will be worth it, but I hate leaving you here.”

Estela jumped up, already set to go, and gave Olivia a one-armed hug. “That’s okay. I managed to get most of it finished without help.”

With a sigh, Olivia kissed her daughter’s head. “We’ll finish it off together tomorrow, I promise. But for now, I think we could both do with just putting our feet up. Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”

Having slipped through the hallway quietly enough to not disturb anything important, the pair drove off into the night. It had to be getting on for nine by now. Dinner had been a slapped-together rush, as it always was when Nicolas had to go out in the evenings. Estela knew her mother would’ve taken a break for something to eat at work, but probably when they got home, they’d share some cocadas and hot chocolate. As per tradition. Estela noted the clear agitation in her mother’s demeanour; it seemed that Olivia could really use cocadas and hot chocolate tonight.

“Are you okay, Mami?”

Olivia grimaced. “I really don’t like you being at those meetings. I know you’re in a separate room, but a kid your age shouldn’t be exposed to-- it’s just not right. The fact that I let it happen at all, I-- I’m sorry, mija.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m fine.”

“Fine isn’t good enough. You deserve better than that.” Olivia looked to her daughter with the fondest of smiles, though guilt shadowed her features. “It took a bit of negotiation, but I’m changing around my shifts at work. I’ll be going in for five--”

“In the morning?”

“It won’t be for a few weeks yet, unfortunately. But this will work better for all of us. I’ll be finishing when I’d usually be having lunch, leaving my afternoon free to do your lessons. Early mornings mean nothing to me if I get to be with you.”

Then Estela was smiling back. “It’s gonna be like every day is half a Mom day off. I’ve missed hanging out with you; it gets kinda lonely.” It wasn’t Tio Nicolas’ fault. The work he had to do was important; it would change San Trobida forever. Spending quality time with the tag-along ten-year-old couldn’t be a priority.

“I know. And I’ve really missed you too. I feel as though you’re growing so much, and it’s passing me by. Now, we’re going to be a team. Together, you and me are gonna kick elementary school in its ass.”

Estela burst out giggling. Unlike Nicolas, her mother only brought out the unsavoury language on special occasions. So… she was stressed but… feeling optimistic? That things were going to get better?

“I think Tio taught me some moves for that.”

Olivia rolled her eyes with an affectionate scoff. “I’ll bet he has.”

______________________

USA, 2033

Estela lay in bed with her eyes closed, though expectation of getting back to sleep had long since passed. There was little point anyway, Liv would be up at the crack of dawn, as she always was before the reunion trip. For the time being, there was nothing to distract Estela from her thoughts, just the gentle sound of Taylor breathing beside her.

Drowning in thought seemed to just be Estela’s state of existence these days. Liv needed her to come through, to magic up way to ease her through the turbulent period of preadolescence. It had been a heavy burden on Taylor as well, and it was all Estela could do to try and relieve it-- it certainly seemed to her as though Taylor could well be suffering from post-partum depression, and what she didn’t need was any guilt. In the end, Liv had handled the baby Michael situation like a champ; she’d given him a cuddle on his first day in the world, but then was happy to return to something close to normal. In her own loneliness, she’d been the snuggly little rock that Taylor had so needed. Estela had done her best, of course, but it was hard to shake the feeling that she just couldn’t do enough for either of them.

That was going to change. That year, when they went to their reunion on La Huerta, they wouldn’t be coming back. Between herself and Taylor, there had been so much back and forth about how best to get Liv through the next couple of years to high school, but in the end, they’d kept coming back to home-schooling. Liv needed a break from the social stresses of being shut up with dozens of pre-teen kids all day. Taylor needed to reconnect with herself as a mother. And she, Estela, wanted to hang onto her little girl, to hold her tight and make the most of what should be the best years of their lives; after all, you could never know just how precious those years would become.

Taylor rolled over with a muffled groan, her face registering surprise as Estela’s eyes flickered open.

“Hey,” she said. “Given up on getting back to sleep?”

From the sound of Taylor’s voice, she too had been wide awake and lying there in silent thought for some time herself.

“Mmm… the same as you, I’m guessing.” Estela reached and stroked a stray hair from Taylor’s face. “How are you feeling?”

“I… well, tired.” Taylor chuckled darkly. “You know, the usual. But, on top of that… my stomach’s so full of butterflies I could throw up.” She leaned her face into Estela’s touch, seeking comfort, reassurance. It was a subtle movement, tiny, but there was no doubt that it had been read and understood, for in seconds, Taylor had been swept into a close and warm embrace. She squeezed back, hanging on as if for dear life.

“It’s weird…,” she choked out. “I never thought I’d feel like this before a reunion. I’m almost dreading it. Part of me just wants to see everyone-- but I’m terrified of what I’ll feel when I see Michael again.”

Estela pulled away just enough that she could press a kiss to Taylor’s forehead. “I’ve got you,” she whispered. What more did she even have to offer? She couldn’t make this easier. In the weeks since the birth, they’d kept their distance. Taylor hadn’t been up to anything more than the briefest of visits prior to Jake and Sean returning home with the baby. The step about to be taken was huge. This was a full week of close proximity, with emotions running wild all over the place. She kissed Taylor again, and again. “I’ve got you.”

“It’s just been so hard. I feel like I’ve just about clawed myself out of the slump, but what if I take one look at him and I crash all over again? I can’t run away from this-- I know that will only make it worse in my head.”

“The option is always there, okay? If we get to the airport and you can’t do it, taking care of yourself first isn’t running away.” At the look of protest she received, Estela added, “I know, I know that right now, we’re going with ‘plan A’. You’re going to get through this, mi amor. From the moment you step onto that plane, you’re gonna have the world’s best support network right there. So, whatever this brings up for you, whatever it is you need to feel, you can feel it and know we’re on your side.”

Taylor heaved a sigh. “This will be good for me. Of all the things I’ve had to face… this shouldn’t be so scary.”

“Well, we’re out of practice. Tell me the last time you had to face down a heavily armoured pack of mercenaries? Or a sea monster with control over the weather?”

The sigh became a snort of laughter. “True. It’s no damn wonder we’re going soft. I’m pretty sure the scariest thing I’ve had to deal with in the past ten years was that time I thought Liv had come home from school with headlice.”

Estela gave an exaggerated shudder. “Joder. Even the thought….”

Taylor giggled into her wife’s shoulder, and relaxed there, letting the tension flow from her body. “I love you,” she breathed.

“I love you too.”

For a little while, they held one another, then all too soon came the tell-tale thumping of kid footsteps.

“I swear she gets earlier every year,” Estela chuckled against Taylor’s temple. “When is she gonna turn into a teenager that we have to drag out of bed with a mechanical crane?”

“Ugh, I know.” Taylor couldn’t help but smile. Recently, she wasn’t sure how she’d have dragged herself out of bed each day if it hadn’t been for Liv. She sat up. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

____________________

Liv bounced her way down through to the departure lounge at Northbridge airport, leading her three cousins in a merry dance.

“Can you see them?” Immy cried out. Four-and-a-half, she was the slightly younger of Aleister and Grace’s twin girls.

“Immy, inside voice, please,” Grace urged, following behind the excitable children with a trolley.

Attempts at calming the horde were all for naught when they turned the corner to find Zahra and Craig waiting for them, their flight having come in some hours before.

“Eh, look who it is… all the l’il brats.”

“Chyeah, it is!”

Craig hoisted Liv into the air as she squealed.

“We were trying to keep them all calm, what with this being a public airport and all, so thanks for that.”

“Sorry, Mom,” Liv laughed. “I’ll save most of my jumping up and down and yelling for when we get there.”

“For the pool party!” Craig hissed under his breath.

Zahra was scowling. A friendly scowl, her friends knew by now, but a scowl nonetheless. “Have I ever told you people how stupid it is that we all drag our asses back to Northbridge each year rather than just fly to Costa Rica from wherever the hell we are? No?”

Taylor pulled Zahra into a crushing embrace. “It’s tradition! Just like my great, big Reunion Zahra Hug! One of only, what?-- three-- scheduled Zahra Hugs I get each year!”

When she managed to extricate herself from Taylor’s embrace, an then another one from Liv, Zahra’s attention was caught by young Immy, who appeared to be twisting herself up like a pretzel next to the walkway out to the Jake’s plane.

“Uh, you all right there, pipsqueak?” Zahra asked, just about managing not to smirk at the exaggerated runner’s stance the small girl had taken up.

“I’m getting on the plane first,” Immy proclaimed. “That baby’s gonna be up the front, so I won’t be. And Reggie says you’re more likely to survive a crash up the back. I’m not dumb!”

“Ha. No, you are not. Saving seats up the back for your parents, or can we join you? Between you and me, the pilot’s a walking disaster.”

“Hmm.” Immy stood up straight and looked Zahra and Craig over. “If you’re smart enough to come to the no-baby, no-dying seats, you can sit with me. Mommy and Daddy know about natural selection; they’ll understand.”

Craig’s mouth fell open. “Ice cold.”

Zahra sniggered appreciatively. “Craig,” she said, as Immy returned to doing stretches beside the walkway. “If anything happens to Aleister and Grace, we’re keeping this one. Kid’s going places.”

A short distance away, Taylor was oblivious to any jostling for positions on Jake’s supposed ‘death-trap’. Sean had come around the corner, grinning broadly and pushing a small pram. The world seemed to slow. Taylor knew Jake was calling out a greeting, but she couldn’t make out a word.

Sean approached, and greeted Taylor with warmth enough that it roused her from her anxious stupor. “Taylor, hi. It’s so good to see you again-- come here!”

She’d needed that hug. She buried her face in Sean’s chest and exhaled. It’s okay. It’s okay. “It’s so good to see you too.”

“Aaand, here’s L’il Captain Cranky.” Jake the pram closer. “Looks like you caught him in a good mood. Must be a special occasion.”

Taylor felt her heart skip a beat. Her mouth was suddenly dry. There he was. Tucked up in the pram, swaddled into a cozy bundle… fuzzy hair surrounding his calm face. She felt Estela’s hand on her shoulder, a quiet gesture of support. But maybe… maybe she was okay?

“Hey there, little man!” she purred, reaching to stroke a chubby cheek. “I can’t believe how much he’s grown already. Nice work, Top Gun.”

“Aw, shucks. I do my best. Haven’t got him flying a plane yet, but we’ve got time. You wanna hold, Princess?”

“If I won’t disturb him?”

“Nah, course not. If anything, it’ll get him more settled before the plane. Believe me, y’all are gonna want to pray this good mood lasts.”

“Hello….” Taylor’s voice shook with emotion. For so long, she’d feared this moment. Having that little baby in her arms for the first time since leaving the hospital. The distance had been for everyone’s benefit; certainly she wasn’t emotionally ready for a good while after the birth. This was okay, though. This was just her being cuddly Auntie Taylor. She was looking at that baby and was just damn proud that she’d been able to give her friends such a precious gift. When she looked at at Michael’s fathers, she was grinning from ear to ear. They were so happy. “Guys, he’s just… amazing. And I can’t wait to see his two daddies in action.”

“What, you’re flying all the way to La Huerta just to watch the competitive diaper changing?”

“Can I give him a pat?” Liv piped up, peering over her mother’s arms at Michael.

“He’s not a dog, weirdo,” Reggie teased.

Liv brushed off her cousin’s remark, and gently stroked the baby’s leg. Since he’d gone off to live with Jake and Sean, her insecurities had faded dramatically. Looking at Michael gave her warm, fuzzy feelings, but she was sure this wasn’t what having a sibling felt like. This was just another cousin, albeit an extra special one, having been a visitor for so long.

Sean watched quietly, his eyes full of affection. This would be one reunion trip that he’d never forget.

“Liv, if you like, you can have a cuddle with him on your lap when we’re on the plane.”

“Ooh! Yes, please!”

Then, Michelle and Quinn made an appearance, with six-year-old Isla and two-year-old Conor in tow. And of course, they made a beeline straight for the growing crowd around baby Michael.

“Hey, Meech! Meech!” Craig called out.

“You’ll be lucky,” Zahra scoffed. “We all know these people are suckers for babies….”

________________________

La Huerta, 2023

Her arm wrapped around the little bundle on her chest, and Estela’s arm wrapped around her shoulder, Taylor walked proudly out to the central rotunda in Catalyst Village, where the group had gathered for brunch-- not breakfast, for some of the number had desperately needed a sleep-in after the night before.

It was not a new thing for Taylor and Estela to join their fellow Catalysts-- their family-- for reunion festivities, but this was something different. What they were sharing now was themselves at a most monumental turning point, vulnerable as they tumbled into some wonderful unknown. Holding onto her baby daughter and stepping out into the sun, Taylor couldn’t feel any trepidation for what lay ahead, she was simply ecstatic.

There was a cacophony of gasps and coos, oohs and aahs as they approached, all eyes going straight for the tiny person Taylor was holding.

“Hey,” she said, unable to repress the grin that was fast spreading across her face. “Do you think we might have room for a new member of the gang?”

Estela was beaming, alight with elation and love. “Everyone who hasn’t met her yet, this is Liv. Olivia Andromeda Montoya. Our little girl.”

Quinn clapped her hands to her mouth. “Oh, you guys! She’s divine! Oh my god….”

Taylor walked over to Grace, who had little Reginald perched upon her hip.

“Would Reggie like to say hi?”

“I think Reggie would love to,” Grace said softly, smiling at her young son’s wide-eyed expression. He certainly didn’t meet many babies living on La Huerta. “Look, honey! Who’s Auntie Taylor got? Who’s this?”

“Buh-buh-buh?” Reggie reached out a chubby hand and patted the blanket.

“See, Reggie?” Grace cooed. “This is the baby from Tia Estela’s tummy. This is baby Liv.”

“Ih.”

“That’s it, sweetheart. Nice and gentle.”

“Good boy, Reggie,” Taylor said. “Looks like this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

One of many. Taylor knew it as she did the rounds. Their family welcomed Liv with the joy of close relatives, as if she were theirs, born into the fold and taken with open arms.

The baby stirred, and Craig made a sound of a higher pitch than anyone present had previously thought possible, which promptly earned a glare from Estela and made baby Reggie, now sitting on Aleister’s lap, burst into tears.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you idiot!” Aleister hissed, as he tried to placate his son.

“Um, Craiggers, I think Estela would prefer it if you didn’t make the baby want to crawl back up the hole she came from.”

“Yes, that would be preferable,” Estela growled.

Liv grumbled, her face screwed up in protest.

“Sorry, mija. You’ll learn to love these people, trust me.”

“You really think so?” Craig asked jovially. “Thanks, Estela! I’ll babysit for you anytime.”

Quinn chuckled. “I hope you realise that there’s going to be some heavy competition for babysitting privileges. Bubba’s gonna be spoilt rotten!”

Taylor could feel it. From every one of her friends. Liv was their family, and they loved her.

Baby girl, you are so, so lucky.

___________________________

La Huerta, 2033

Finally, home.

Taylor didn’t know if she’d ever been more ready to step foot back on La Huerta, but from the moment she stepped off the plane, she felt lighter in herself than she’d done in weeks.

It became clear very quickly that she wasn’t alone in that sense of relief. As if by magic, her effervescent Liv was back; the cloud that had been hanging over her head unable to follow into what was the family’s sanctuary. Liv had been seated next to Quinn and Michelle’s daughter, Isla, through the flight; the younger girl all but talking Liv’s ear off. Then, once they’d hit the beach, Reggie and the twins had joined them, and play had come effortlessly. Now the intrepid adventurer she was meant to be, Liv was accepted and wanted; in her element with people she could trust. And Taylor felt herself letting go. For this shining time, she didn’t have to worry about her daughter at all.

Feeling that her loved ones were contented, far more so than she'd seen them in months, Estela wandered over to join Aleister on the beach. She settled down in the sand beside him, looking over the children as they splashed about in a sparkling sea.

“This is nice,” she said, stretching out her body and feeling the sun’s rays. All this fresh air and sunshine, she knew, would do them all good, especially her wife. “I’ve missed this. I think we all have.”

“How is Olivia? Since the, er, unfortunate incident?”

“Well, school’s been harder. Actually, it’s been absolutely horrible. But it’s done and finished. She’s not going back there. I’m just so damn relieved neither of them got hurt. I never thought it would be Reggie getting in a fight.”

For several long moments, Aleister silently watched his son playing in the waves, swinging his little sisters around in his arms and flinging them into the water. Reginald wasn’t a fighter; that he’d been pushed to violence spoke volumes of just how much that school had failed him-- and Liv, who’d valiantly had his corner, oblivious even to what had triggered the outburst.

“For the longest time, Reggie wouldn’t say what the fight was about. We could both tell that whatever it was had hurt him terribly. What we learned after several long talks…. The other boy had been saying things about Erin. I don’t know the details, nor do we want to, but they were cruel.”

Estela’s eyes had grown wide, then hardened with outrage. “Oh, shit. God, poor Reggie.” She shook her head, anger bubbling up inside her. How the hell was this still happening? How dare they? “Did the staff know exactly what happened?”

“At the time, no. Reginald refused to repeat what had been said. By the time Grace and I found out it was so long after the fact that when we brought the information to the school, they let it slide. To say I was fuming….”

“And these people are expecting you to happily enrol the girls at this school when that’s the care given?”

“Our thoughts precisely.” Aleister’s expression softened as he looked out to the beach. In the shallows, his daughters were jumping over small waves as they rolled in, and squealing with laughter. “I won’t have her be made to feel alone. This is all… new. For her, for us… she needs to feel safe to develop into a self she’s comfortable with. When you told me that you were taking Olivia out of school, my immediate gut reaction was fear. For Reginald.” He scoffed. “How utterly ridiculous that I should feel as if my son would need a bodyguard in his own school? And the more we’ve talked, it has gotten all the clearer that what we have in place isn’t working. We set up our main bases of operation on La Huerta and in San Trobida. The only reason we came back to the States was for the children’s education. Grace would have happily stayed in our La Huerta home; for so many years it was our sanctuary, the place that allowed us the freedom to truly grow. I think….” He hesitated. “If you don’t return to the States, it is likely that we will join you. As you say, it’s only matter of two years, or even one, before Reggie and Olivia will be changing schools as it is. We want to have that time with him. And for Erin… it’s time she needs to grow into herself.”

“Wow. That’s big… that’s huge. So, you’re just going to stay on La Huerta?”

“Perhaps. Certainly, in the short-term it is the ideal solution. But when we do enrol the children in a mainstream school, well… we’re considering moving the family to San Trobida in the future.”

Estela felt certain her eyes must have near popped right out of her head. “You would move to San Trobida?” With your transgender daughter? The initial wave of something close to panic subsided. The southern parts of the country were, these days, refreshingly egalitarian. Reforms had been sweeping under the democratically elected government, and the free San Trobida had embraced a fast-moving shift towards social equality. They weren’t talking about the same country that she attended school in some twenty years ago. “You’re… you’re serious?”

“I’m sorry, have you mistaken me for the type of person who uses humour to diffuse serious conversations? Yes, I am serious. I’ve seen first-hand what has been happening there, in no small part thanks to the mountains of our father’s fortune that you’ve quietly invested, and I would proudly see that growth continue.”

It was true; Estela’s home had come so far. The pull never lessened; nowhere else save for La Huerta could give her that same feeling. But growing up with ‘we’ve got to get out of here’ hammered in had lasting effects, as did the horrifying violence witnessed. How much would it take for her to believe in a new, better San Trobida? If it was just herself and Taylor, it’d be different, but they had Liv. It was why testing the waters with home-schooling between San Trobida and La Huerta had looked so promising.

“My mother wouldn’t recognise it,” she admitted, shaking her head. “She would have gone back to the university in San Trobida City, I’m sure of it. She’d help it get back to its former glory. We probably would have stayed in Las Rocas-- I can imagine her face if I could tell her it’s now part of what they’re calling ‘the Costa Libertad’! Maybe… maybe she’d have said I should stay.”

“If you don’t mind my saying, I’ve always thought you’d do what you saw fit, and to hell with what anyone else advised. Certainly, that’s been my experience.”

That made Estela chuckle. “I think I’m used to being more sure. Don’t worry; I haven’t lost my pig-headedness. I can still dig my heels in like nobody’s business.”

“That, I have seen for myself. But it is wise to have an open mind and get some balanced perspective before that stubborn streak of yours rears its ugly head.”

Estela bit her lip. If Liv flourished during time spent in San Trobida in the next year of home-schooling, it really would be hard to leave, especially if Aleister and Grace’s family were considering immigrating.

What more could you wish for?

“I’ve been resistant… for a long time,” she said, thoughtfully. “But every time I go back, San Trobida is looking more and more like somewhere we can be happy and safe. You know, Livi is my tio’s sun and his stars. I want her to have him there for her the way I did, the way he wants to be there for her. It is… hard to shake the fear, though. If I misjudge it; if I put too much hope in my home and she gets hurt or…. I don’t know if I’m too broken and traumatised to be rational about this.”

“And what does Taylor think?”

“Taylor would live in San Trobida. It’s simple to hop to and from La Huerta. That’s good for her; to be that close to Diego now he’s there almost permanently. She wants to be a bigger part of the forward momentum for young queer people. But, she worries. I know I’ve influenced that.”

“I feel that’s fairly inevitable,” Aleister conceded. “If there’s one thing I’d give Taylor, it’s that she’d very emotionally perceptive.”

“Yes, that’s her. I’d rather she didn’t take on board all of my baggage, because, let’s face it, that’s a whole lot of shit to carry. But if she wasn’t so empathetic, she wouldn’t be Taylor.”

“If we were to take Taylor and Olivia out of the equation, where would you want to be?”

Estela grumbled, damn well aware that Aleister knew the answer to that.

“I’d want to be home,” she said simply.

“You never were one for straight answers. Do you know how many headaches you’ve given me over the years?”

“Isn’t that what little sisters are for, hermano?” Estela laughed. Aleister had been forced to develop some amount of patience with her; by her reckoning, it had been good for him. Certainly it had put him in good stead for handling his more obtuse children, namely Immy.

“Like I said, we’re going into this with some flexibility. We don’t know what will be best for Liv, for all of us. We can start here, spend some time with Diego, then live back with my Tio for a few months. Then, I dunno, maybe travel around the world a little bit, expand Livi’s horizons. But down the road…. If settling in San Trobida is the direction you want to head in, that will be one hell of a pull for us.”

It’s just about decided it. That’s gonna be us. Our family. Our home.

[meetinginsamarra]

My fanfic: Mutual Attraction +2000 Hits today Reblog+Addition

“Mutual Attraction” my Sherlock BBC fanfic on AO3 and its origin story 

My new fanfic is up on AO3 since July 12th, 2020!

I am absolutely excited and not ashamed to confess that I am constantly checking the statistics (hits, subscriptions, kudos etc.). The fic is very dear to me because it is the first thing I´ve ever started writing at all.

About 2,5 years ago I was already addicted to BBC Sherlock and thought a lot about the characters. Like so many other fans I wondered how Sherlock and Greg may have met in the first place and there was suddenly an image in my head. I embellished it in my mind and liked it quite well. A bit of a story evolved around it and I liked that even more. So much, in fact, that I wanted to preserve that scene by writing it down before I forgot it. Just for myself. It was to become the current first chapter.

So here I had the condensation nucleus for something I would have never dreamed to do or even be able to do.

More scenes came to me out of nowhere. A lot happened while I was driving in my car (very inconvenient for writing). Pieces of conversation between Sherlock and John. Different first meetings between the main characters. BAMF moments. Witty banter. Where the skull came from. Why Sherlock deleted the solar system and so on…

I wrote it all down and some day found myself sitting on a wild pile of snippets, liking them all very much. Why not put them all together in a story of how John and Sherlock met and started to pine for each other? I´m a Johnlock-shipper you have to know. Not that I reject other pairings but this is what I think about the most. Why not combine that with a nice and small and not too complicated case? Insert glimpses of Sherlock´s past? Why not write a fanfiction myself? Post it on AO3?

Good heavens, what a presumptous idea!

It scared me a bit because I´m very much a realist knowing about my complete lack of experience in writing. In a foreign language. I´m German but Sherlock will only work in English for me. What I knew would have to become a long story. Doing it in my sparse spare time. It would take long to finish, investing a lot of my time without being certain it would ever see the light of day. If I´m able to do it at all. If the result would not be frankly embarrassing. The only thing I knew and promised myself was I would only publish if it was complete and if it was good.

Yeah, I know that sounds awfully self-righteous but I have a very clear grasp of what I personally find “good” and like or hate concerning writing style because I´ve always been a bookworm. I read a lot and a very large part has been in English since I love the language and like to know the original text. Even when I sometimes fail spectacularly like with Irvine Welch´s Trainspotting, the text was absolutely strenous and incomprehensible reading for me as a non-native speaker. Read it in German though and it´s great.

Back to Sherlock. I definitely made writing unnecessarily difficult for myself. For example: non-linear writing at the beginning. Large parts of text were finished before the story itself evolved. Before I plotted the basics of a chapter and decided on the sequence in which to put them. There were long pauses in between writing and I had to read the text again in order to remember what happened before. Also it takes a long time before I´m content with a sentence or a paragraph. I rephrase a lot being some kind of perfectionist. And I can´t always write as I need to be in the adequate mood for it. Writing in general takes me a long time, I´ve been working on this post here for about 90 mins now. Just that you get an idea how slow I am…

Against all my doubts I started “the long story” (had no title yet) and soldiered on. When about 70% was done I got somehow stuck. Maybe writer´s block? I don´t know - I knew what to write but could not get in the right mood. It was frustrating. I´d achieved so much and wanted to post finally.

Then “Wretched and Divine” happened.

O.K. So I´ve been frustrated with „the long story“. While writing it I had other ideas what could happen to Sherlock & Co and those were more and more AU-ish. They would definitely not fit in the setting of „Mutual Attraction“.

Therefore it was just a tiny step to take a break and write another fanfic. One much shorter. There was this idea about a different first meeting at an A&E but in a non-BBC environment. Once I started with „Wretched and Divine“ it sort of created itself, evolving quickly while I wrote and thought about it. (I´ll do another origin story about this and its sequel.)

Well, finally I had something to post. I was nervous like hell when I clicked the „post“ button, internally screaming and my hand literally trembling. Not kidding! When I uploaded the first chapter of „Mutual Attraction“ my heart rate spiked and my hand trembled again.

My first fic was well-received (in my opinion). I guess unless you post something yourself and receive loving comments it´s difficult to gauge how much that means to the author. It´s the anonymity of the internet which greatly helps here. All the comments are genuine. No one feels obligated to sugarcoat or frankly lie about how they liked something. The love is real. The need to tell the author about their feelings is real. Thankfully I haven´t received any hate yet, but my point is when people state they like it and had a great time reading it is just true.

Knowing that people go along with my story, enjoy it, are happy about it, is absolutely mindblowing-fucking-fantastic. It´s addictive. It encourages you in your endeavour of writing.

I have yet to tell you the best thing that happenend because of posting „Wretched and Divine“.

One of the commentors turned out to become my first fandom friend. (Hi there, PeaGeeTibbs, I know you´re reading that!) We e-mail regularly and when I blabbed about „the long story“ (seems I´m prone to blabbing) she offered to proof-read/beta. So thanks again for saving me from some embarrassing mistakes.

„Mutual Attraction“ was still on hold because I got carried away and posted a sequel to „Wretched“ as well as another fic.

The positive reactions and love these three stories got egged me on to finish „Mutual Attraction“ which had fallen into a state of hibernation in the meantime. It was difficult to get back into the story. To adopt this mindset again. Even with the appreciation I got of posting these fics I was wondering if I hadn´t done myself a severe disservice. The way Sherlock and John acted (and pined) was totally different from the way they behaved in the other fics.

It was awful at first but soon became better and easier again. It was clear to me what I had (wanted) to write, how the story would go on. Still, it took a lot of time to finish it eventually. Sometimes it was really hard work and no fun at all.

I ended up with 20 chapters and approx. 80k words. Something I´d never have expected. One thing which surprisingly proved more complicated than expected was choosing the corresponding lyrics to each chapter. I really wanted to do this because while writing there were so many paragraphs of Linkin Park´s lyrics that fit so well. My first idea was to use only their lyrics but I abandoned that since other great songs yelled at me to be considered.

The question of which to use was sometimes unnerving but in the end I´m content with all my choices but one. That´s Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chilli Peppers in chapter 8, I could not think of anything better fitting and since it was literally the last thing keeping me from completing the story I just shrugged „So what?“.

My lovely beta proposed to contact the adorable inevitably-johnlocked on her tumblr in order to promote my fic and – she did! Awesome! Thanks again.

Wow. A long journey ended.

It´s up on AO3 for one week now. Hits are slowly climbing as well as subscriptions and kudos. I chose to do weekly updates to appear more often in the „date updated“ sorting option. Frankly speaking, I want to reach as many readers as possible, don´t we all?

I´m looking forward to the next weeks and how the statistics and comments develop.

See you there,

Samarra

Teaser Fanart

My lovely beta @peageetibbs suggested I create a cover fanart for the fic. Great idea! It quickly got out of hand in that I created one for each chapter, starting with ch 4. 

I had the idea of inventing a sort of brand, meaning that certain parts of the layout would always stay the same. Which are: Sherlock and John´s photo and the logo of the fanfic (the electrons circling around the atomic nucleus). The free space would be filled with pictures of things that happen or play a role in the respective chapter, like a tiny puzzle to figure out and make the reader (more) curious about the upcoming chapter.

I post(ed) them as a single work each Wednesday on AO3 under the title “Cover Art: Mutual Attraction by meet_me_in_samarra: Teaser for upcoming chapter xy "Name" 

I will likely include them all in the fic itself when the last chapter has been posted. I definitely will include this origin story post (as chapter 21) just so that all related stuff is together in the original work.

Thank you all for reading and commenting and kudo-ing and bookmarking and subscribing so far. It really really really means a lot to me!!!!!!!!!!!!