#and sometimes YOU MUST admit that you need help. and then ACTUALLY ACCEPT IT

[napworthysunbeam]

my least favourite genre of person is the type that complains about things going badly for them all the time, but they CLEARLY don’t accept help or advice when it’s offered, and always need to be right about Everything. like bro you dug yourself into this one. and almost all the other ones.

[azrielbrainrot]

Sweeter Than Sweet

Pairing: Azriel x Princess!Reader

Kinktober 2024: Anal Sex

Description: You and Azriel try something new.

Warnings: Smut, fingering, anal fingering, anal sex, oral sex, dirty talk, praise kink

Word Count: 2,8k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Notes: I actually have a whole series thought up about how azriel and princess!reader meet and get together so I'm not sure why this is how I decided to introduce them, especially since this would be like a bonus story/prologue but oh well. I hope you enjoy!

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

Most of your nights were spent like this ever since accepting the mating bond, tangled in each other's arms, trying to fill up a bottomless pit of desire. It seemed like no matter how hard or long you held onto each other's bodies, the bond always wanted more, probably would still feel needy even if you crawled under his skin. Sometimes you wondered if this incessant need would ever dissipate - you don't think you ever want it to.

Tonight Azriel had you laying over his lap, starting by caressing your skin affectionately, playing with your soft flesh, occasionally leaning down to mark you with his teeth, quickly soothing the bite with gentle kisses, until you were trembling, begging him to do something, anything, cooing down at you as he slowly fucked two fingers inside your sopping cunt. He was only moving them enough to let sweet pleasure travel through every nerve of your body, keeping you on edge and pliable under his hands, pathetic whimpers escaping your lips.

A shudder runs through you when you feel him leaning down once more, letting a drop of spit landing over your other hole, spreading it around with his finger before carefully pushing it inside as well, stretching the tight ring of muscle ever so slightly.

“Fuck, you're so beautiful,” he breathes out, spreading your cheeks apart so he could watch his fingers pumping in and out of both your cunt and ass, entranced by the sight of you so full of him. You can't help the needy moan that escapes your lips at not only the feeling but also the praise, the onslaught of desire trickling down his side of the bond.

This wasn't the first time he had done something like this, but when another finger joins the previous one you can't help but tense at the foreign sensation, making you clamp down around his fingers.

“Relax.” He runs a hand over your buttcheek in a soothing motion before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the other. “I'll make you feel really good.”

You tell your body to listen and feel yourself softening under his hands, melting back into him. You had no doubts about Azriel's skills, he's taken you to heights you never thought possible countless times. There had been a slight discomfort at first but, the more he moved his fingers the less you could feel it. It just felt good now even if it was still a bit foreign.

As he keeps going and the pleasure intensifies, your moans growing even louder than before, forehead falling against the mattress, you start wondering what it would feel like to have his cock fucking you like this. Azriel seemed to know what he was doing so you were almost certain he had some previous experience, but you can't say it was something you ever truly considered.

He must notice your conflicting thoughts, always so attuned with your emotions, because he slows down until he's barely moving his fingers inside you, his other hand coming to palm at the soft skin of your cheek once again, massaging the flesh tenderly.

“Have you ever done it?”

You know what he means, you also know he's avoiding the word for your sake. You would have been offended if it weren't for the way your ears burn at just the thought. It had been decades since you tried anything new, and you had almost forgotten what that sweet mix of excitement and nerves felt like as it traveled over your body.

“No,” you breathe out, pushing past your silly nerves, “Have you?”

“Yes,” he admits, his fingers still moving slowly inside you, hazel eyes studying the way your tight holes stretched out to accommodate his fingers.

“Do you like it?”

“It's certainly more than enjoyable,” he answers right away, a knowing tone to his voice, one you weren't privy to. Noticing the serious tone the conversation was taking, he stops his movements, pulling his fingers out slowly, letting out a hum when your hips chase them on instinct. “Why haven't you? Don't think you'll like it?”

“That's not it.” You shake your head against the mattress, biting your lip and choosing your next words. “I just never really thought about it.”

Leaning up on your forearms and turning your head, you do your best to meet his gaze, but it's too difficult from the position he had you in. Noticing your struggle, Azriel helps you up, sitting you on his lap, holding onto your hips with wet fingers. The love and adoration written in his eyes calms you down instantly, leaning down to take his lips between yours and wrapping your arms around his neck with a sigh.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to,” he murmurs against your lips, pausing to kiss you again before adding, “I don't want you to push yourself for me.”

“It's not that I'm not curious,” you sound bashful even to your own ears. After everything that has happened between the two of you, you didn't think it was possible for you to feel shy around him anymore, it's not like you were ever much of a shy person to begin with. “Like I said, I've never done it before,” you have to look away from his gaze to be able to finish your sentence, “and… you're big.”

To this day, even after how many times you've had sex, you still need some adjusting before taking him comfortably. Seems he couldn't help the twitch of his lips or the surge of satisfaction you felt through the bond at the compliment. You think if you kept going he might even purr. Males and their cocks.

Azriel kisses your cheek and gently holds your chin, effectively moving your eyes back to meet his. You can feel him search your feelings through the bond so you open it completely to him, not ever wanting to hide anything from your mate. You hope he could make sense of the want, even excitement under all the reluctance and nerves.

“I would never hurt you,” he drops another kiss, now to your lips, “it would take some preparation but I promise you'd feel nothing but pleasure.”

It's funny how something that never truly crossed your mind could send you into such a frenzy, but after he eased your nerves, all you could think about was what it would feel like to have him stretch you out like you had never been before, showing you something no one else had, and that's how you find yourself lying on your back, looking up into half lidded hazel eyes as he fucks his fingers into you with new vigor.

Azriel, as attentive as ever, takes his time, dragging things out as much as possible to make sure you're more than prepared. His shadows handed him a little bottle of an intense smelling oil before he started, one he used to coat you and his fingers before inserting them again. You barely had time to think before he leaned down, his skillful tongue licking over your ignored cunt, sucking your clit into his mouth, sending you into an orgasm as he slowly stretches you out, adding another finger when you're distracted in the throes of pleasure.

When it feels like you could cum again, he abandons your cunt with a playful bite on your clit, one that sends a shudder through your body and prompts a particular loud whimper past your lips. Azriel begins trailing kisses up your still trembling body, his fingers never faltering through it all. Your own fingers easily find his dark hair when he pauses his ascent at your breasts, sucking a nipple into his mouth at the same time he scissors his fingers just to hear you mewl his name.

As your fingers start tugging at his messy curls with more intensity, pleas of his name pushing past your lips in that sweet cadence you know he can't resist, he finally gives in, kissing up your chest and neck, leaving a few marks of his teeth and soothing kisses until he finds your lips, taking them between his in a mind numbing, passionate kiss.

“Still want to try?”

“Please,” you breathe out, perhaps a bit too excitedly. He was right before, this was certainly more than enjoyable, and you could only imagine how much better it could get once he truly started.

Azriel kisses you once more, his own desire now obvious with every stroke of his tongue, it catches you off guard when it rushes through the bond in full force after he had been filtering it out while you made up your mind, not wanting to influence your decision even a little.

Pulling away entirely too soon, Azriel also removes his fingers carefully. You can't help but clench around nothing when he does, already used to having him there. Your hips also chase him ever so slightly, something he notices with a knowing smirk as he finally takes his underwear off, stroking his throbbing cock a few times.

Biting your bottom lip, you watch him for a moment, taking in your mesmerizing mate - all sweaty, glistening skin and ripped muscles; powerful wings framing his frame enticingly, somehow making him appear even larger as he stood before you; shadows absent as he bares himself fully to you. Azriel looked downright edible and if it weren't for the excitement bubbling inside your veins, you might have taken him into your mouth before letting him fuck you, salivating at just the thought.

Your brain catches up to you when he grabs one of your thighs, scarred hand squeezing the flesh appreciatively before pulling you in closer, adjusting your position.

“Should I turn around?”

“No, I want to watch you,” he says, voice thick with arousal, sending a shiver down your spine. You hadn't thought about it before, but you find you also wanted to watch him, needed to see him getting lost in you.

As soon as the words leave his mouth he sets into motion, guiding his cock to your awaiting hole, carefully, oh so carefully pushing the head inside as you desperately try to relax at the intrusion. His cock was obviously a lot thicker than his fingers, this much you knew. but bit by bit, with a few deep breaths and with his thumb finding your clit, circling it with just the right amount of pressure to have you melting into the mattress, he works himself into you slowly.

His hazel eyes darted between the sinful sight in front of him and your face, taking note of every little sign of discomfort or pleasure. Drinking up every whine and harsh breath; how your eyes glazed over as you tried to look up into his, mouth parted and kissed raw; your untouched cunt, leaking and fluttering around nothing; a deep moan escaping him as he desperately tries not to let his body take control when you were squeezing his cock so hard, so well. Azriel thinks he will never get used to how perfectly you fit together in every way.

“You're taking me so well,” he pants, continuing when you reward him with a needy moan, “So fucking perfect for me.”

Mindless praise flows freely from his lips as he moves carefully, his body trembling along with yours, both from restraint and the desire running through his veins. One of your hands fists the sheets as the other finds his wrist, his hand holding onto your thigh firmly, keeping you nice and open for him, sitting his cock fully inside you at last.

It's a strange sensation, feeling so full, but nowhere near painful or as uncomfortable as you imagined. His eyes stared into yours with so much hunger it felt like you could suffocate, the desire, so clear in every inch of his body, making yours grow as well, flooding the bond, the corner of his lip rising as he felt it. Azriel made good on his promise, it felt good.

“You can move,” you whisper, breathless as your body tries to make sense of what it's feeling.

Azriel gives a shallow, experimental thrust of his hips, one that prompts a whiny moan past your lips. Both of his hands grasp onto your hips then, starting to fuck you slowly, eyes now transfixed on the way his cock disappears inside you. He was still being careful, but with every stroke of his hips, he went harder, deeper, until he set a pace you're more than familiar with, one that never fails to make you see stars.

Your body was shaking against your blue sheets, hands going from grasping onto the silky fabric to his wrists, trying to hold onto whatever you could reach for any sort of stability, trying and failing to not lose yourself too soon.

With a tug on his wrist and a broken plea, you bring Azriel down to lay over you, whimpering when the change in position drives his cock deeper inside you, wrapping your legs around him as your arms circle his neck, bringing his mouth to yours, letting him swallow the breathy noises you can't keep down even if you tried.

“What would your people say if they saw their perfect little princess,” he says, giving you a sharp thrust that has you gasping into his mouth before continuing, “let a bastard like me fuck her in the ass?”

His words send a shiver down your spine, the image it calls into your mind downright sinful. The way he said it almost makes it feel like an illicit affair, one that reminds you of the time you met in secret, stealing scalding moments, sometimes as scandalous as this one, away from everyone's watchful gaze.

“They know better than to say anything about my mate,” you manage between breaths, hand holding onto the back of his neck.

Azriels hums, teeth catching your bottom lip teasingly, a tremble noticeable in his wings, always giving him away. You pull him down for another kiss, your hips chasing his slowly as he swallows every breath and moan rising up your throat, feeling an achingly familiar high approaching rapidly.

One of his hands travels down your body as if he can read your thoughts, goosebumps chasing its path as he goes, diving between your bodies and easily finding your cunt, you can't help the flinch at the direct touch after being ignored for so long.

“Can you feel how wet you are?” He whispers against your lips, his fingers swirling over your cunt, spreading your wetness around and making an even bigger mess of it, smirking when he feels you clenching around nothing. “I can feel you dripping down to my cock.”

Any words you had for him die in your throat when he plunges two of his fingers into you abruptly, a yelp escaping you followed by a long, drawn out moan when he starts fucking them into you in time with his thrusts, your nails biting into his shoulders, toes curling with every roll of his hips as he keeps hitting all the right places.

Holding onto sanity proves to be an impossible feat as he keeps whispering filthy words into your ear in that maddening deep voice of his, the pathetic moans and squelching sounds that echoe around the room only adding onto it.

You're sent over the edge before you even get the chance to warn him, a choked moan of his name in between mindless whines the only thing you manage. It feels like the world is collapsing aeound you for a moment, holding your breath as you're drowned in pleasure, every single one of your nerve endings lighting up beneath his body.

Azriel follows you immediately after, unable to hold himself back as you clench around him and tremble against his body as you call out his name like you were praying to a god, a shudder running through him, wings fluttering as he throws his head back in a long moan.

It takes a moment for you both to fully come back down to earth, a whimper pushing past your lips as he carefully pulls out, dropping his tired body next to yours and bringing you to lie on top of him. You hold onto his cheeks and meet his lips in a soft kiss, letting his strong hands massage your sore muscles.

“How was that?”

“Enjoyable,” you answer with a teasing grin, pushing his damp hair back as you keep pecking his face.

“Wouldn't have guessed with how hard you came around my cock.” Your teeth sink into his skin at his words, a chuckle escaping him as he grabs your neck and brings your lips back to his. “Next time I'll make it even better for you.”

With the way your legs still shake and pleasure still swims through your veins it feels impossible that it could ever get any better than this, and still you believe him.

[sexsylexi]

Cold to the touch.

Wally West x reader

In the quiet morning hours of your apartment, Wally blinked awake, the world still blurry around him. A deep chill settled over his left side, unusual and unrelenting, reaching straight through his warmth like a ghost. It took him a second to register the sensation, but when he did, his brow furrowed. He, Wally West, was never cold. His metabolism ran so fast that he constantly radiated heat—even on the rare winter nights, he’d be the one walking around in short sleeves, perfectly comfortable. But right now, he was as cold as a block of ice.

The cause of his freezing predicament became clear as he turned his head. You were nestled against him, curled up under his arm, your face half-buried in the fabric of his T-shirt. He couldn’t help but smile softly, taking in how peaceful you looked in sleep. You always looked so put-together during the day, so focused and composed. But here, tangled in sheets and tangled in him, you were just... you.

But then his body reminded him of its complaint—his left side, the one pressed up against you, felt completely numb. He shifted his fingers experimentally, noticing how they felt almost stiff. It wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly; just startling. Wally knew that your powers had some side effects, like the constant chill to your skin, but this? This was new. A glance at the clock told him you’d been clinging to him for a while—long enough for the cold to overtake his warmth entirely.

Carefully, so as not to wake you, he brushed a thumb over your cheek. Icy as ever. He wondered if you knew just how cold you could get in sleep, when you let your guard down and let your power breathe. He kind of loved it, honestly, even if it was something you worried about sometimes. You always apologized for being "cold to the touch," but Wally secretly thought it was perfect; in a way, it was like the two of you completed each other. You’d even joke that his warmth kept you from freezing solid, but maybe... maybe he was the one who needed your coolness to slow him down, keep him grounded.

Wally chuckled softly to himself, not wanting to disturb you, but the sound rumbled through his chest and must have reached you because you stirred, your fingers twitching against his side as you woke. Your sleepy eyes fluttered open, and he caught that familiar flash of surprise in them as you registered him there.

“Morning, ice queen,” he whispered with a smirk, still teasing even half-frozen. You let out a little groan, burying your face back against his shoulder.

“Oh no,” you mumbled, voice muffled. “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Maybe,” he admitted, grinning. “But I don't mind. It’s… kinda nice, actually. Refreshing, y’know? Like an ice bath.”

You gave him a skeptical look, though you couldn’t help the smile creeping onto your face. “Are you sure you’re okay? I know I get cold sometimes, but this… I feel like I just sucked all the heat out of you.”

“Well, I’m still here, right?” He laughed, reaching over to press a quick kiss to your forehead. “You can steal my heat any time you want. I’m serious. I don’t care how cold it gets—might take more than a little numbness to keep me away from you.”

You felt warmth spread through your chest at his words, though you tried to hide it. It was Wally’s way, always trying to make light of things. He had this easy, playful confidence about him, and his honesty was like nothing else you’d ever known. You’d had your reservations when you first started dating, wondering if he could really handle you—your powers, the risks, the way you always felt a little distant from the rest of the world. But Wally had never looked at you with anything but acceptance, treating your abilities like they were the most natural thing in the world.

“Alright, but if I freeze you solid, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” you teased back, running a cool fingertip along his jaw.

Wally shivered under your touch, though he never pulled away. “You’re lucky I like the cold.” He grinned. “Means I get to have you all to myself. You’re like my personal AC unit.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Only you would see it that way.” But the truth was, you loved that about him—how he turned even your most daunting traits into something to appreciate, to admire. And as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you back into his warmth, you settled into the comfort of it, letting yourself enjoy this rare moment when you could truly relax.

With Wally by your side, for once, you didn’t have to worry about holding back.

[icequeenliafics]

Jayvik Highschool AU

Context: Jayce and Vi are planning a surprise bd party for Cait. The whole gang helps. Flop Duo. Jayvik.

Jayce found the scene in front of him endearing. He was about to say so, and earn himself glares from both girls, when suddenly he felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket.

He balanced the box he was holding on one hand, and used the other to fish for his phone.

When he finally managed to pull it out he found Viktor flipping him off through the display. Jayce had to smile every time he saw the picture. Vik hated cameras.

"It's Vik. Have to take this", Jayce said, turning around and walking towards the kitchen.

He heard Vi making kissing sounds behind him and he really wished he had a free hand to flip her off.

Jayce accepted the call with a smile on his lips, placing the cardboard box next to the silvery tray Jinx had told them about.

"Hey, V", he greeted, the familiar feeling of tingling anticipation settling in his gut. "How are you?"

It was his opening question for all their calls, and he didn't even have to see Viktor on the other end of the line to know that he was rolling his eyes.

"Hello, Jayce", Vik answered. "As always I am perfectly fine."

Despite sounding annoyed, Jayce could hear the smile in his voice. The tingly sensation spread up to his chest.

"I'm glad to hear that", he said with a chuckle. "What's up?"

"Could you pick me up from my place?"

Jayce frowned, perplexed. "Of course", he answered. "No problem at all, but didn't you say your mom would drive you?"

"Yes, but one of my parents' employees got sick, so they both had to come in today", Viktor said. "I would walk, but there's the snow and also the f- "

"No, no, I'll pick you up, no problem", Jayce blurted, already pushing off the counter. "I can be there in ten."

Pause.

"As I was about to say", Viktor said slowly, like talking to a child (he did that sometimes when Jayce was making too big of a fuzz about him). "The fireworks are too heavy to carry them all at once. Even for you, I assume. So, we need a car."

Jayce frowned. "Too heavy? Vik, what did you buy?"

"I did not buy anything at all", Viktor said leisurely. "I told you I have a friend who owed me a favor. I admit he went a little bit overboard, but he seemed so happy to pay me back. I did not have the heart to turn him down."

"Vik?"

"Yes?"

"On a scale from one to ten, how illegal are talking?"

"Ehh ... maybe a four", Viktor answered after contemplating. "It is not too bad."

Jayce chuckled nervously, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Out of your mouth that doesn't sound reassuring at all."

"You wound me, Jayce", Viktor said deadpan, not wounded in the slightest. "Park in the garage, would you? Backwards, so we can load in the batteries."

"Aye aye, sir", Jayce grinned.

"Humorous", Viktor said, tone dry. "See you soon."

"See you sooner."

Another pause, silence on the other end of the line, just long enough to make Jayce feel anxious. Then Viktor hung up without another word.

Jayce facepalmed himself with a loud smack.

See you sooner?

What the hell?

Sometimes he grew stupid around Viktor. It was his biggest tell for crushing on someone. His brain just stopped working.

Actually, Mel had been the one to point out this fact to him. Right after she had asked him if he was into his best friend and Jayce had tried - very poorly - to deflect the question.

Mel didn't buy it of course. She was too smart, and also she had been Jayce's crush some time ago. There was no way of fooling her in that matter.

So, after poking and poking him about his feelings for Viktor, Jayce finally caved and poured out his heart to her. The sight must've been so pathetic that Mel actually offered to help him.

"See you sooner", Jayce muttered, rubbing his face.

It must be the excitement that made him act extra stupid today. Excitement, because Mel apparently had cooked up some strategy to get him and Viktor closer together during the party tonight.

Speaking of.

Jayce scrolled through his contacts, while walking back into the living room. He opened Mel's chat, typing a quick message.

Jayce: When will you tell me about your plan?

Then he looked up at the two sisters.

"Change of plans", he said, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "I have to pick up Viktor. Where should we put the fireworks?"

"Backyard", Vi said without looking up, loading arms full of empty spray paint bottles into the trash back Jinx was holding open for her.

His phone buzzed inside his pocket. Jayce reached for it.

"Garage", Jinx corrected her. "They can't get too wet or they'll be ruined. Snow would be bad for them."

Jayce was only half listening. Mel had texted back.

Mel: I don't need you for phase one. Don't want you to overthink and blow it.

Jayce frowned, typing.

Jayce: Phase one? How many are there?

Mel: Depends on how well you perform.

Jayce: ?!

Mel: Calm down, Goldie. I kept it simple.

Jayce: not reassuring :(

Mel: Just keep him company and be yourself. I will handle the rest.

Jayce: :(:(:(

Mel: see you later ;*

"Hey, Talis!" Vi's voice made him look up.

"Huh?"

"Didn't you say you wanted to pick up your boyfriend?"

"Right", Jayce said, mentally face-palming himself for making Viktor wait. "Gotta go."

When he was about to step out into the corridor, he stopped abruptly, looking back at Vi with a frown on his face.

"Don't call him that when he arrives here", he warned, annoyed by the big fat grin on Vi's face. "Also, thanks for keeping my secret." He looked at Jinx.

"I'm innocent." Vi held up her hands. "I told no one, I swear."

"Ekko told me about two weeks ago", Jinx said with a shrug.

"What?" The frown deepend on Jayce's face. "How did he even know?"

"He didn't say." Jinx tippined her head, eyes wandering towards the ceiling, seemingly in thought. "But I guess the big, fat puppy eyes you make at the guy helped him figure it out."

She looked at him with a gleeful grin.

Jayce rolled his eyes, pinching the space between his brows with two fingers.

"Who doesn't know at this point?", he muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Pretty sure Viktor is the only one who hasn't noticed yet", Vi answered anyways. "For two guys smart enough to get a scholarship, you're both ridiculously dense."

"Says the girl who came to me crying about my sister all the time", Jayce retorted.

Vi flipped him off. "You could've just told me she liked me back."

"Nope", Jayce said gleefully. "Promised Cait I wouldn't. Also, your struggle was fun to watch."

Vi shot him a sarcastic smile. "Ditto."

"You two, stop bitchin' around", Jinx intervened, glaring. "We have to clean up and make the punch before Miss Perfect arrives. And you", she looked at Jayce. "You should get going, or your sweetheart will hit you with his cane again."

"Don't call him that either", Jayce muttered.

Jinx rolled her eyes.

+

Small snippet of a Oneshot I'm writing. It's basically Jayvik, but the frame narrative is that Jayce and Vi throw Caitlyn a surprise bd party and flop HARD.

misunderstandings (but in the entertaining, good way), jealousy, chaos, happy end ofc

[blond3ang3l]

Country boy dio! who only loves his sweetheart and their little family.

__________________________________________

Who convinced you to come live with him on the farm. He spends every day workin hard on it. Dealing with all the animals, workin in that hot sun all day. Harsh tan lines turning his once pale skin a golden bronze. His blonde hair slicked back into his mullet. Sweat sticking to his skin from the past four hours of him barreling hay to keep everything in pristine condition so you didn't have to worry about a thing.

It had been such a long time since he had left his piece of shit to rot in his loneliness. Once his dear mom had passed and things started to get bad between him and his dad he left and didn’t look bad. He started doing any work he could to get. He went from dealing to helpin in some different shops doing just about everything. Within the years he had fucked up and had four kids. He loved them even if he knew he didn’t have means to care for them. He did his damned best to make sure they had what they need before he had anything.

Shit was hard for a hot minute. That was he stumbled across an elderly couple who were saying how they needed to get rid of their old farm but had no one that even wanted to look at it. He couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity. It was hard for the first two years but him and the kids had somewhere warm to stay. He ended up confiding in Jonathan who felt like it was his duty to help Dio. He ended up talking to some friends and spread word around about Dio’s work and soon enough people were coming to him for just about everything. Business was booming all year round.

He never expected any kind of success, just wanting to make enough to get by but this was amazing to him. But he did have a problem, having four little boys was not easy. Especially when he went out to the city to restock on stuff. Ungalo and Rikiel were both over hyper and god it was hard to keep up. They would run around the store like they would back on the farm. Dio would always scold them but this time he couldn’t because he was as actually glad they did since that led him to meeting you.

He had noticed they ran away once again and when he saw them they were in your arms as you asked them where their parents where. He was shook by your looks. The way your clothes fit, huggin you nicely. The books you were once holding now pressed against his chest. He could see the dermal piercings on your chest peeking out your shirt. It was so new to him and god be moved it.

He snapped out of it when he saw the boys pointing at him and he had to rush over while still holding Giorno and Donatello.

“M’ so sorry bout that. These two given me hell.”

“Don’t worry bout it, I got siblings I know how it is. You and mama must have your hands full.”

“Nah s’ just me.”

“Oh shit, my bad hun. Didn’t mean to like be insensitive.”

“No no, don’t worry doll.”

You smiled a bit at the name as you handed off Ungalo and Rikiel to him.

“I’ll see you around I’m hoping?”

“Yeah, most definitely.”

———————————————————————

“Pa! S’ getting too hot out here. Come in the house!”

He turned around when he heard your voice. He put his pitchfork down and took in the sight of you standing on the porch. You looked so fucking good. Your curls were framing your face, your plump lips with a small frown due to you hating how the sun was beaming against you. Dio loved it though, seeing it bounce off your moisturized skin. And you of course weren’t by yourself no. You had his- you guys four little boys. Giorno on your hip, rikiel standing next to you and holding on your leg, and ungalo chasing Donatello all around the porch.

He wanted to marry you then and there. You accepted his four boys and raised them like you had given birth to them. And the boys loved you like no other. Often fighting with their papa to get your attention. Rikiel and Giorno were especially bad. They absolutely adored you. And dio hated to admit it but he sometimes grew jealous at how much you babied the boys.

He made his way over to you when he realized you were still callin out to him. A small smirk appearing on his face as he approached you.

“Miss me, doll?”

You didn’t even get to respond when Donatello and Ungalo tackled their father into a hug. They only 6 and 7 but they were damn big boys just like they daddy. He chuckled as he picked them up into his arms as if they weighed nothing.

“Y’ four bein good for ya mama/papa, huh?”

Rikiel was the first one to speak up, peeking from behind your legs.

“Ma/pa said you were gonna take us t’ the city! And that we were gonna see TiTi Erina and Uncle Jonny!”

Dio cocked an eyebrow at this which caused you to explain.

“Erina called earlier while I was cookin. It’s lil Lisa Lisa’s birthday tomorrow. Wan’ take the boys to see their cousin. Plus I could do some shoppin while we’re out there. Get the boys some new clothes. Same f’ myself. Like to look good f’ my man.”

Dio couldn’t help but chuckle at your last comment. He also took notice at how his accent was starting to rub off on you.

“Yeah alright, guess m’ takin you four t’ the city after all.”

Amid the kids cheering Dio had leaned down to plant a kiss on your glossy lips. But the kiss was cut short when a tiny hand tugged at Dio’s hair. It was none other than his youngest boy Giorno. The mini version of him, they were so alike even though he was only a mere two years old.

“Y’ lil brat, can’t hog ‘em all to y’self.”

He was only met with babbles from Giorno which made you chuckle.

“Protective jus’ like his daddy.”

“Hmph. Guess he is.”

His smile grew on his face as he watched you usher the boys into the house. God he loved you more than life itself…

Part 2 coming soon!

[antiquatedplumbobs]

Spring 1916

~an excerpt from Elsie Sewell's private diary~

Spring has arrived! The calendar has been saying it had been here for weeks, but today it really and truly made its presence known. The east field is awash with flowers and I simply had to stop and pick a bouquet, they had the sweetest scent and the most delicate yellow petals. Mamma was rather irritated that it made me a bit late coming home, but I can't very much see why. I was back with plenty of time to prepare supper (she had an Aide Society meeting) and the house smelled ever so sweet as I did. No one complained about my victual offerings either.

I am quite pleased to be done with the schoolhouse; sums and grammar were always ever so boring and pointless. It is ever so much better to spend the day with work that actually has to be done, rather than made up to torture us. I enjoy most housework, cooking and sewing in particular, but laundry... There's something about that specific task I have not yet resigned myself too.

I think we all have that particular chore that we dislike more than the others, though none of the adults will admit so to my face. Laundry is a necessary evil though, or we should all go around naked, as Adam and Eve did in the garden of Eden, and the climate her could never allow such an indulgence, so laundry we must do. 

It does feel good to be helping around the house more and take some of the burden off Mamma; I can't imagine how she did all this work on her own for years, it's quite a lot between the two of us. Despite my continued propensity to "dawdle" as Mamma puts it, she still sends me on all the errands, I think she likes having the house to herself just as much I like the walk into town. Sometimes Lydia accompanies me if her mother also needs something fetched.

The general store is the best store in town, it's filled floor to ceiling with everything you could ever need. Dottie's always mighty pleased to see us and if she's busy Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield are always so sweet to me. Sometimes Mr. Greenfield slips me penny candy in with my orders with a little wink.

Dottie, Lydia and I don't see each other as much as when we were in school, but now that we're older when we're finished with chores and housework we have so much more freedom to go on walks or sit down by the inlet. The sun hits the old dock down there in the afternoon and it's so pleasant, especially if there's a breeze coming off the water.

We chat about anything and everything; Dottie always has all the news of the town since she talks to just about everyone at the general store. Mamma says it's wrong to gossip, but she always says that after I've given her all the news. Lydia is such a hoot, she has the strongest opinions on everything and everyone. Just the other day she was informing (lecturing one might say) us on the proper etiquette for accepting a proposal; according to Mrs. Parr proper young ladies should never accept their first proposal, they must refuse and wait for the man to ask again, that's how she'll know he's serious and will make a good husband. Apparently she turned Mr. Parr down thrice. Dottie and I both thought that was completely silly. Mamma said yes to her first proposal and she seems quite content with her lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next / previous / first

[our-queer-experience]

I started questioning my gender back in 2020. I cycled through several different labels, sets of pronouns, and a few different names. Initially, I thought I was nonbinary, but I couldn't accept that in my sheltered, freshly-out-the-church Mormon brain. It felt like it was gonna be much harder to be nonbinary than it would be to just be a binary man. And being a man felt right, at least sometimes. Sometimes it felt really, really wrong, but I chalked that up to needing more time to deconstruct harmful gender stereotypes in my head.

So I committed to being a trans man and went on testosterone. Kinda a crazy story actually- I was not ready to go on it. I was not certain about my gender or what I wanted to look like or any of that. But I'd heard it was a long process for most people to get on it, and I felt like there was an 80% or higher chance that I would wanna go on it. So I made an appointment, three months in advance, thinking it would just be a consultation. I walked out of that appointment with a testosterone prescription. This was because I actually am lucky enough to have amazing insurance and live near(ish) to an informed consent clinic. If I would've been honest with the doctor about my confusion and uncertainty, they would not have prescribed me T that day. But because of all barriers to care I'd heard about online, and historical cases of having to tell doctors very specific things to get treatment, I was very worried that showing any amount of uncertainty would permanently disqualify me. Of course it would not, this clinic is wonderful and that's not how things work nowadays, at least where I live, but I was so paranoid about losing access to care I knew I probably wanted that I lied through my teeth and said that I was ready and this was what I wanted.

So I went on testosterone. I thought, you know, I'll give it a shot, and if I don't like it I'll stop. But it wasn't that simple. I loved it some days, other days I hated it. But I finally recognized myself in the mirror (most days) and felt like I fit inside my own body, so I figured it was probably right and just kept going.

But some days I did not feel right. I tried to suppress the growing doubt and fear surrounding my gender but I couldn't ignore it. Every few months I'd have another gender crisis, usually leading to the conclusion that I was nonbinary, but then I'd go on about my life, living as a man, and I'd love that (some days). So I must be a man, right? If I loved it so much? And I still thought that living as a binary man would be easier, and more people would accept me and see me as I wanted to be seen. So I figured feeling like myself Most Days was good enough and kept ignoring the feeling that something was wrong.

It took me two years and a lot of therapy before I manned up and admitted to myself that I am nonbinary and no amount of therapy would change that. And my brother pointed out to me that my idea that the world would treat me better as a trans man rather than a nonbinary person was bullshit, they'll treat me like shit regardless. If they're gonna hate me no matter what, might as well be who I wanna be and do what I love.

So since then, I've realized that I'm genderfluid, and some days I am a man, and other days I am not. Some days I'm a woman, and I love being a woman. Some days I'm neither. Some days I'm both. It's wonderful to be everything, to have all these options and get to play around as I will.

And I'm off testosterone now. I don't regret it at all. I look completely androgynous, and I can pass as a woman when I want and a man when I want or I can just be confusing as fuck, which is what I do most days. The only thing I regret is starting when I wasn't ready, leaving me with this lingering "what if I could've learned to love my body" that I can't resolve because I can't change the past or know what I would've felt. But the fact is I probably still would've gone on it to help with my dysphoria (because it has helped, a lot). And I might go back on it in a couple years, if I start to feel too feminine again. I'm at this lovely middle point that I want to stay at, so I may be going on and off t the rest of my life to remain here.

Oh god. That means. Puberty never ends.

Well, wish me luck! Here's to a life full of massive hormonal changes 🥂

thank you for sharing!!!

[wildrangers]

Oh Captain, My Captain // Quinn Hughes

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: Quinn's captaincy finally pushed me to write this story, which I've been thinking about forever but never actually nailed down. I just love neighbor stories. Hope y'all enjoy!

Warnings: resolved angst (shocking, I know), mention of cheating (not Quinn), cursing

You knew that trying to get everything into your apartment in one-go was a bad idea. Now, you were struggling with your suitcases, backpack, and couple of boxes while fighting with your front door key. You blew out a breath, grateful for the coolness of the Vancouver air coming through the hallway windows.

“Can I give you a hand?” you heard a tentative voice ask from down the hall. You glanced over to see a dark-haired boy watching with a worried face.

“I don’t want to trouble you, I’ll figure it out” you responded, embarrassment flooding your system at how ridiculous you must look.

“You’re not bothering me, I offered” he replied making his way to your side. “Now, can I please take this box before you drop it?”

You chuckled at his comment, nodding your assent, “Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’m Y/N, by the way” you said, finally unlocking your front door.

“Quinn. Where do you want me to put this?”

You quickly led him inside, pointing down the hall to your bedroom. He set it down and returned to grab another box. “It’s really okay, I’ve got it from here.”

He paused in the doorway and scanned your frame, taking in what you assumed to be your now tangled hair, smeared makeup, and exhaustion, before shaking his head and grabbing a box. “I would worry about this all night, where does this one go?”

You sighed, finally accepting he wouldn’t be leaving until everything was in your new apartment, “Ummm that one’s the kitchen, I think.”

He nodded and you two fell into easy silence as the rest of your belongings made their way to their assigned rooms. By the end of it, you were annoyed to see that Quinn hadn’t broken a sweat while you felt like a drowned rat.

“How did you even manage to get all this into the elevator?” he asked, gratefully accepting the glass of water you offered him.

“I may have tipped the Uber driver 20 bucks to help me load it up” you admitted and he shook his head laughing quietly. “What?! I made the move alone and didn’t want to leave anything outside.”

“Fair enough. Where are you from?”

“Most recently LA but I figured if I’m up here half the time anyway, may as well try it out fulltime” you shrugged.

“You work in TV?” he questioned. Vancouver was known for having countless shows filming throughout the area at any given time, so it wasn’t a stretch he’d guessed your occupation correctly.

“Yup, I work as a script supervisor. I’m assuming you work in entertainment too?”

He nodded, gulping down the rest of his water before setting the glass back on your counter. “I’ll leave you to it, I’m two doors down on the left if you need anything.”

“Would you want to come over for dinner sometime soon? I want to thank you for helping me.”

“No thanks necessary, seriously.”

You shot him a look like the one he’d given you earlier which made him laugh and raise his hands in surrender, “Dinner sounds great.”

***

“Entertainment my ass” you mumbled to yourself angrily staring at your television screen. You were in-between shoots and were home more often than usual, leading you to mindlessly flip through channels for background noise before tidying up your place.  

Lo and behold, there was Quinn, giving a press conference about how overjoyed he was about becoming the new captain of the Vancouver Canucks. Quinn, who you’d been led to believe worked in the entertainment industry like you did. And while sports were technically part of the entertainment industry, he’d gone out of his way over the last year to ensure you didn’t realize the truth for some reason. Because, once the shock had processed, a quick Google search had provided more information than your friend ever had about his occupation.

You paused trying to process what you were feeling. On one hand, the joy and pride on his face was undeniable and you were happy for him. However, him seemingly misleading you for this long hurt. You sighed in frustration, glancing down at your phone to check the time, as you were expecting Quinn to come over later. As you contemplated what you’d say to him, your mind drifted to different moments you’d shared over the last year.

***

“I can’t believe you unpacked this quickly” Quinn commented, looking around your living room as you finished up in the kitchen.

“I sent my furniture ahead of me and packed minimally” you shrugged. “Most of my stuff is in storage in LA—once I’ve been here awhile, I’ll decide if I want to move everything here or head back.”

“What would make you go back?” he questioned, settling into a seat at the island.

“Mainly my boyfriend, Aaron” you sighed, thinking of your last conversation before your flight.

“He didn’t want to move with you?”

You shrugged, debating how much to share with someone who was basically a stranger. “We weren’t living together in LA so I thought it’d be a bad idea to move in together in an entirely new country where I wasn’t sure I wanted to be long-term anyway.”

He nodded thoughtfully as you set down the food, “This looks amazing, it’s been a while since I’ve had a home-cooked meal.”

“Not much of a cook or just the long hours?”

“Bit of both” he admitted before you both dug into the meal. Conversation flowed easily between you but, more importantly, the silences in-between felt comfortable. You’d always hated when people filled silences with meaningless fluff so you appreciated that he didn’t try to force conversation where it had naturally lulled.

 “Can I be honest with you?” you asked, drying the dishes Quinn had insisted on washing.

“I’d prefer it” he replied, turning to face you, noting the change in your tone.

“I’m worried Aaron and I aren’t going to last” you sighed thoughtfully. “He’d wanted to come with me and everything in me just screamed no at the suggestion. He said he understood but I don’t know how truthful he was.”

“Have you thought about why your gut said no?”

You reflected on his question as you put away the last of the silverware. “I don’t think he’s an overly forthright person. I don’t think he’s a compulsive liar or anything and I haven’t caught him doing anything, but you know when you just have that feeling someone’s hiding something? I have that all the time with him.”

“I’m sorry, that’s a shit way to feel in a relationship” he frowned slightly and you nodded your agreement. “Want to get some ice cream? That usually helps me when I’m trying to ignore my problems.”

***

Since then, dinner and ice cream had become your tradition. Because of your schedules, dinner may be at 11PM but it was refreshing to have a friend where that wasn’t an issue—hell, it was preferred by him sometimes. During that time, you’d fostered what you thought was a close friendship. But now, as you nervously waited for your doorbell to ring, you were desperately trying to figure out how you’d missed this piece of knowledge about him.

You hadn’t cared how he consistently changed the topic whenever you asked about his work. You’d just assumed he didn’t want to think about it off the clock and stopped inquiring. You had never paused to think he was hiding something. You were pulled from your thoughts by Quinn’s knock at the door. You took a deep breath before getting up to answer it.

“Y/N, hey! How was your day?”

“Uneventful, how about yours?” you asked, willing him to tell you the truth.

“Good, good” he replied, fidgeting with his hands. “Did you still want to hang tonight?”

You realized you hadn’t let him in the door, instead blocking his way with your frame when you normally dragged him in with a hug.

“I guess that’s up to you, captain” you replied, holding his gaze. The color left his face as he processed your words and took in your stony expression.

“Y/N, I…” he began but couldn’t finish. You nodded to yourself.

“I can assume today is a big day for you so I’m not going to get into just how upset I am. But really, Q? Misleading me? After seeing how much it hurt when Aaron did that to me?”

Guilt crossed his face, “I’m sorry, I just…”

You paused waiting for him to finish a thought but only silence met you. “Good night, Quinn.”

***

Quinn was still in shock moments after you’d gently closed the door in his face. If he was being honest, he deserved much worse. He ran his hands through his hair as he shuffled back to his place. Shit. He hadn’t even thought about how your split from Aaron would make his omissions even worse.

It had happened a couple months after you’d moved in. He’d been waiting for you to grab him on your way out the door for ice cream but your agreed upon time came and went. He’d worriedly made his way to your door after you failed to answer multiple texts and calls.

His stomach dropped when your puffy eyes greeted him. “Oh shit, Quinny, I’m sorry.”

Before he could tell you not to worry about it, more tears fell from your eyes. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” he asked, gently guiding you backwards into your apartment so he could close the door for privacy.

“Aaron and I broke up” you mumbled through your tears and he pulled you into a hug. He rubbed what he hoped were soothing circles on your back as your sniffles filled the room. It killed him to feel your shoulders shaking against his chest.

“Shhh, I’ve got you” he murmured a few times before you quieted against him. He moved a strand of hair out of your eyes when you pulled away from him. “What happened?”

“Well, I guess he resented that I didn’t want him to move here with me. And instead of just telling me that, he decided to start sleeping with someone else. The someone else he’d apparently already slept with fairly early on in our relationship before calling it off with her.”

“Holy shit, Y/N” he sighed, pulling you to him again. “I’m so sorry, what an asshole.”

“No, I should have noticed how much the move upset him or just let him come with me, I mean—”

“Don’t you dare” he said sternly. “You are not responsible for him being dishonest with you. And you were right to follow your gut and do this on your own—imagine learning he’d cheated on you while living together here? Or never finding out? Jesus Christ.”

A long silence filled the space as you processed what he said. “You’re right, this just sucks.”

“Would your favorite ice cream help?”

“I don’t feel up to going out right now, Q.”

“Let me get it for you. It’s nearly December in Vancouver, I think the cone will be okay for a few blocks” he pointed out and was relieved when it earned him a laugh and a nod. “You hang tight and I’ll be back soon.”

***

While you knew Quinn’s lies weren’t close to Aaron’s, it was pouring salt on the wound in a way that made you wildly upset. When Aaron had betrayed you, Quinn had been there to remind you with his presence and support that not all guys were like Aaron. That there were good men left and you shouldn’t settle for some asshole.

But for Quinn to have been hiding something this whole time? It hurt double—once for his deceit and twice for ripping open the Aaron scar. You’d spent most of last night moping but this morning when you awoke, that sadness had blessedly shifted into anger. Who the hell did he think he was? Had he seriously introduced you to his friends while they all knew you were being lied to? They must have known or else someone would have slipped up. And also, what the fuck? What a stupid thing to be lie about.

You were deep in one of these rage spirals when a knock rang out through your apartment. You threw the door open to see a nervous Quinn.

“Can I come in?”

Your only response was to open the door and make your way to the couch. A few seconds later, Quinn was seated across from you, seemingly willing you speak first with his eyes. But you’d be damned if you filled this silence, even if the discomfort between you stung.

“Y/N, I am so sorry.” You met his eyes and could see his sincerity but it wasn’t enough.

“Why would you purposefully mislead me about something so inconsequential?”

“Inconsequential? This is not unimportant.”

“Why would I give a fuck about you playing hockey? I literally work with famous people all the time and couldn’t give a shit!”

“It wasn’t that I thought you’d care, it was that I’d finally met someone in this city who didn’t know who I was before even meeting me.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked at you incredulously. “I know you’re not Canadian but you seriously never noticed how hockey obsessed this city is? How there’s Canucks shit everywhere?”

“I mean, I guess I never really thought about it and I still don’t understand why that’s a good reason to lie to me for the last year.”

“I’m not saying it was a good reason, I know I fucked up, okay?” his voice grew louder which made you raise an eyebrow at him. “Look, if you never want to talk to me again, I get it, okay? But please, just ask Petey or Brock what it’s like meeting people in this city so you can understand where I’m coming from.”

You scoffed, “You really think a good way to apologize and ‘make me understand’ is to remind me how all the mutual friends I met through you knew the entire time and just went along with it? That’s so fucking embarrassing! Everyone in on the joke but me.”

“This is not a joke, Y/N! God, all I wanted to do yesterday was share that moment with you. To have you in the crowd or at least be able to celebrate with you when I got home. And I know it’s my fault I couldn’t do that but fuck, it still sucked. And I didn’t know how to fix it. How do you say to someone ‘Hey I told what I thought was a white lie a year ago but I ended up falling in love with you along the way and now I don’t know how to own up to it?’”

His words hung heavy in the air but you had no idea how to respond. You had never allowed yourself to fully acknowledge that ever since New Year’s, your relationship had slowly been shifting from platonic to something more—because you hadn’t wanted to lose him. Now, you were losing him just as you were realizing he felt the same way. You shook your head before resting your face in your hands.

“Please say something” he begged softly.

“Q, I don’t know what to say. I can acknowledge in the grand scheme of life not being honest about what you do for a living isn’t earth shattering. But developing a relationship with someone over the course of a year, thinking you can trust that person because you know them inside and out, only to learn they were purposefully hiding something from you? Something that would have made absolutely no difference to you anyway? I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Then tell me how to fix it.”

“Yesterday morning, I would have trusted you with my life. Now, I can’t listen to a word you say without thinking you’re lying. How do I know you’re being sincere about wishing you’d shared yesterday with me? About your feelings for me? You’re making me second guess everything when you were the one who helped me keep going after Aaron’s dishonesty.”

“I am not like Aaron.”

“No, Quinn, you’re not. Which is why this feels worse. Can you please just leave? I need time to process everything.”

You were grateful when he obliged and shut the door quietly behind him but it also broke your heart a little to watch him leave so easily.

***

 Your mind kept returning to Quinn’s New Year’s Eve party. You’d been single for a little over a month by then and were slowly starting to feel back to normal. While you enjoyed your time alone together, you were eager to meet Quinn’s friends and know more people in your new city. Petey loved movies so you two had been deep in conversation, really debate, about various films throughout the night. Brock had brought his dogs and you eagerly shared photos and stories of your family dogs back home with him. You hadn’t noticed that every time you asked someone how they knew Quinn, they replied with ‘work’ before quickly moving the conversation along.

What you had noticed was Quinn’s eyes on you all night. His hand on your lower back when he checked in on you throughout the party. How he had stocked up on your favorite snacks and drinks for the occasion. How as midnight approached, he moved closer and closer to you.

Until, as you all screamed the countdown from 10 to the New Year, he’d slipped his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. How his dark blue eyes shone in the TV screen light when he turned to face you as the ball dropped. How he had grinned at you with such joy as he leaned down and placed the most delicate kiss to your cheek before whispering, “Happy New Year, Y/N, thanks for ringing it in with me.”

And you certainly had noticed the butterflies in your stomach at the thoughtful gesture, the sincerity of his words, and the intensity of his gaze as hope bloomed in your chest.

***

Could you stop by?

Quinn’s heart stopped when your message lit up his screen nearly a week after his captaincy announcement.

He’d quickly made his way to your door, following your voice that called him inside when he knocked. He found you in the kitchen, the early morning light hitting your face in a way that made his breath catch in his throat.

“Hey” he breathed out, unsure where to stand.

“Hi” you replied, smiling shyly. “I’m glad you could come over.”

“You are?”

“I am” you confirmed chuckling quietly. “I guess I’ll start…I want you to know that it still really hurts that you misled me. I understand that you didn’t do it maliciously but it still felt really shitty to find out about.”

“I know and I’m sorry, if I could do it differently, I would. How can I prove that to you?”

“Well, you can be grateful your friends care so much about you.”

“Wait, what?” he replied, confused.

“Brock texted me the other day. He ended up sending me a screenshot of the messages you’d sent him that morning. It was really sweet” you smiled to yourself, pulling out your phone. You showed him the text thread but he already knew what you were referring to:

Congrats, brother!!!

Thanks, man. Wish you were here to celebrate

Celebrate with Y/N….oh wait, you’re an idiot and can’t, never mind

I know. I really fucked up and don’t know what to do. How do you fix something you built on dishonesty?

You apologize and tell her before she finds out some other way. Did you lie to her about anything else?

Of course not

Then it wasn’t built on lies. Just own up to the small piece that was

“At least one of us has a brain, right?” he joked and smiled when you rolled your eyes at him.

“You have a brain, doofus, you just overthink things until you may as well not have one.”

He felt himself blush at your statement, taken aback by how well you know him.

“So, I knew at least one thing you said was true—you knew you’d fucked up and didn’t know what to do about it. And your final response proves that everything else was as real as it felt at the time. As real as it feels now.”

His eyes rose hopefully at your words. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying if you lie to me again, even about what color your underwear is, I will fucking destroy you, got it?”

“Yes, got it, I swear” he replied, tentatively moving towards you. You opened your arms and he gratefully pulled you to his chest, smoothing your hair down and gripping your waist.

He was debating if he had the balls to try and kiss you when you mumbled, “Will you close your eyes?”

“Ummm sure?” he responded, lips quirking into a smile as he did as requested. He heard you retreat to the refrigerator followed by a plate settling on your kitchen island.

“Okay one more second…now open!”

 On the table was a white cake with dark blue, Canucks colored lettering that read ‘Congrats, Captain Quinn! Love, Me’

“I know we couldn’t celebrate when it happened but I figured better late than never?” His eyes shot up at the worried tilt to your voice. He noticed you were fidgeting with your fingers, a dead giveaway you were as nervous as he felt. He walked closer, taking your anxious hands in his own.

“Thank you, this is amazing. I don’t deserve it, or you” he said sincerely.

“Well, that’s not for you to decide, is it?” you smiled and he couldn’t have stopped himself from leaning towards you if he tried.

He cupped your face as his lips tentatively met your own. He was surprised you were as timid as he was, so used to you taking charge. He gripped your hip with his other hand, pulling you flush against him, which drew a breathy sigh from your mouth that opened gloriously for him. Your tongues gently twined together as he felt your hands tangle in his hair. The kiss was slow and sweet but filled with so much promise it made his chest hurt.

He pulled away to rest his forehead against yours, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long” he admitted.

“Me too” you agreed, pulling his mouth back down to yours. His hands were surer this time as they slipped beneath your shirt to rub your lower back. You matched his confidence with your own, gently biting his lower lip before pulling away. “But I also really want to eat that cake.”

Well, there it is my first Quinn story! I hope y'all enjoyed and I welcome feedback 💕 We are so close to hockey season y'all!!

P.S. Yes, I wrote this as Aaron Rodgers busted his ankle last night, oops, thanks for the name inspo, I guess lol

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Completely random but like, my friend keeps telling me he ACTUALLY likes my existence and it’s so eye opening. Without realizing, I got stuck in the mindset of “He must think it's like a chore to interact with me.” I think it’s just my old habits (self confidence issues and lack of a sense of self) baring their teeth for the first time in a hot minute, but it’s so hard for me to grasp the concept of “Hey, this person you like, likes and respects you too!”

There used to be a prominent running joke throughout my friend group where they’d often call me annoying, act like they could barely stand me, and/or make fun of me for being too “child-like”. (Which, I do have the energy and interests of a child, but my personality led to them viewing me as incapable and it got old quick. Basically they were infantilizing me.) It’s been about 2½ years since then and it’s a little crazy to think about how I still expect everyone to treat me like that. I’ve been scared to form new friendships b/c of how much that time affected me. I mean, apparently I’m still not entirely healed from it.

But, I’ve been friends with this guy for almost a year now. He has never ONCE suggested that he didn’t like me. Yet I’m still over here trying to convince myself that this guy cannot stand me?? In fact, I recently found out that he REALLY wanted to make sure we’d stay friends once summer break started. (Before that point we only ever spoke to each other in one of our classes) That is INASE to me. Like, wdym you enjoyed my presence enough to ACTIVELY plan out how you’d make sure we frequently spoke to each other? And even CRAZIER he’s told me he OFTEN looked forward to talking to me at school last year and said that I helped him get through the day. Like, WHAT?

He’ll even send me good morning texts sometimes and it's so reassuring. They’re practically just (unintentional) reminders saying “Hey remember, I think you’re cool!” I hope he knows I appreciate him so much. It’ll take me a long time to ever admit, but I hope he knows he’s made my life feel like it’s worth living again. He’s made me realize I’ve been simply coasting and not LIVING for too long. I hope he knows whenever I’m in a bad mood I’ll actively go out of my way to be in his presence just a little longer, even if it’s just 20 extra seconds, just b/c he’s comforting. I hope he knows how much every gift he gives me means to me, no matter how much I struggle to accept them. I hope he knows he gave me the final push I needed to finally accept my sexuality. I hope he knows how happy I am when he lets me yap about whatever I feel like at the time. I hope he knows I feel like I'm actually listened to whenever I'm speaking to him. It feels like I can be myself around him and not have to worry. And I’m almost certain I’ve weirded him out on several occasions, but in the end that does not matter. Those moments don’t change how he sees me. And I hope he knows how much that genuinely means to me.

[jinnie-ret]

ep.1: meet the wives

ratings: fluff

warnings: small mentions of ADHD, cancer, death, body size, cheating

running time: 1.5k words

summary: the brides to be gather and meet each other for their hen party, before they get married.

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"Hi!!! I'm Aurora, but most people call me Rori, I'm 25 and I've been single for 2 years," Aurora grinned toothily at the camera as she introduced herself.

"I joined this experiment because I just want to meet someone who makes me feel safe, you know?" her tone has shifted to more of a sad one, but from the way she presented herself you could tell she was good at hiding that side of her.

"I've definitely had some experiences before that have changed who I was as a person, and it's not a nice feeling at all, it's dreadful," Aurora admitted, hinting at something else that must have affected her, eyes unable to look into the camera anymore, or even the person asking the questions to her.

"These past 2 years I think I've really grown as a person, like massive personal growth. I've managed to come out of that time where things were darker, and I just want a husband that will help me see the lighter times too."

"I moved to South Korea from the UK not too long after my previous relationship, and I now work as a nurse! It's a really rewarding job, long hours, but so rewarding. I think it's important my husband cares about hard work too, and yeah."

"Yeah, my family thinks I'm absolutely insane for joining this process, of course they do!" Dallas giggled and covered her mouth as she threw her head back, just imagining and remembering the looks her family gave her when she told them she was going on a show where she'd be marrying a stranger.

"Hi, I'm Dallas! I'm only 21, but, I had been in a relationship for 5 years. I think obviously I've changed since I was a kid, I'm a woman now, and I think now that I'm a woman I need a man," she shrugged her shoulders lightly with a small smile, almost becoming shy at admitting what she wanted in a husband.

"Someone who... is quite calm in their nature, I'd say. Sometimes my brain feels too busy, I do have ADHD and that can sometimes be quite overwhelming. So I think I want someone that'll calm me down but also accept who I am, yeah," she explained as the camera panned to her knee jolting up and down from ner seat.

"For my job I actually have my own little flower shop, and I don't think I'd rather be doing anything else. Some people say to me it must get boring but there's so many stories with the people I meet and why they want to buy their flowers and-" she cut herself off.

"I'm rambling, aren't I? To put it simply, yeah it's a small business, but I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Hi, I'm Sienna! I've never had a boyfriend before, so, yes, coming onto a show where I'm going to have a husband, it's, umm, how you say? Crazy, haha. Why am I here? Haha," Sienna's Polish accent came through as she spoke, adding some charm to her.

"I just think... The male figures in my life are very important to me. I remember the day I was told my father had cancer, that was the day I learnt he was going to die from it..." she bravely admitted, eyes welling up with tears. The screen showed her grabbing a tissue.

"Sorry can I have a moment?" she sniffled, holding her hand up to block the view of her getting upset.

"He always told me to think with my heart, and I think that's something that will stick with me forever. I know he won't be there the day I get married, but I've got a part of him with me always," she spoke gently of her father's warm advice.

"I think I can come across as quite closed off, I am training to be a lawyer, so I feel like I have to look at things quite unbiased, but with love... I'm not sure how it will go. I think I just want someone who will accept me for me, you know?"

"This is 100% the right place for me to be. I want love, I need it. I'm done living my lonely girl era. I mean that era was a whole year but let me tell you it was a long year," Octavia admitted as she sheepishly shrugged her shoulders.

"I've been in and out of relationships a lot, and they've never really matched me. It always left me thinking, maybe I was too much for them to handle?"

"I just want someone cheeky who will match my humour, that's a big thing for me. Someone who is ambitious too, yeah that's important for me as well," she nodded, describing her ideal type.

"I'm a model, I travel quite a lot for different shoots or campaigns so I hope that my husband is someone who could handle that, and cope with my busy lifestyle."

"Hi, I'm Valentina! I'll say it how it is, plain and simple like that. I work in sales, it's not the most interesting job I'll be honest, but it pays the bills, haha," she laughed, tossing her over her shoulder and giving a 'help me' look to the camera jokingly.

"I just live for the Fridays where me and my girls can go to the bar at the end of a long day and do a bit of karaoke. I have been told I have quite a good voice, not to brag," Valentina smirked.

"What do I want in a husband? I need someone who can handle my fieriness, someone who will accept me for me."

"I think people look at me a certain way, I'm not a prude, but I want my fairytale. My parents have been together for 40 years now, they're so important to me. My family is my world. So, as ambitious as it may sound, I want to have my fairytale in this experiment."

"Hi, I'm Tanaka! All I know is old people, fish, and the sea. You don't get a lot of people my age near the village I live," she introduced herself.

"I'm from Japan but live near the beach in Uljin! I'm looking for love, and I don't quite know what that will look like yet but I need something to fill the void," there was a pause as she spoke seriously, before she chuckled and leant back into her chair, "too deep?"

"I work at an aquarium, people come in with their kids, it's definitely something I want one day... Even if I can't carry them myself."

"I want my husband to understand me I think, which will be hard because I don't fully understand myself. But maybe they'll bring a different side out of me? Who knows haha... I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm Taniyah! I need a man that can handle a big girl-" Taniyah gave a cute look to the camera and looked it up and down as if she was flirting with whoever was watching. The camera quickly cut.

"Is that too much?" she giggled heartily, her hand habitually resting on her chest as she did so.

"Guys I've been with in the past... They've only wanted to get with me because they're curious of what it's like to be with someone plus size... They almost, how you say it? Fetish? They don't care about who I really am, deep down. And that's been a huge problem for me my whole dating life, it's really held me back."

"I work as a therapist, mainly with teens, and I go into schools and talk to them and just really help get down to the roots of their problems."

"I think I want someone who is caring and a good listener, because they're things I strive to be too, so yeah, I need a man that'll match my energy. Just wait til he sees me in full glam too, the boy won't be able to keep his hands off of me!" Taniyah cheered, clicking her fingers.

"Korea is very different to India let me tell you that," Ishani said in wonder, before adding on quietly with a small smile, "I like it."

"I came onto this show because the last time I was in a relationship I got cheated on, very badly, and I want someone who I can rely on all the time. I don't even have to know what they're doing, I just need a trustworthy person to be my husband, because then I won't have to worry."

"I do work as a vet, so I get to see animals quite a lot. It really is my dream job, I feel so lucky. I trust the animals more than men sometimes I can't lie. They're better listeners!" Ishani's eyes lit up as she spoke passionately of her job.

"I think what I also want out of the experiment is personal growth too. I've kept myself to myself for far too long, and I want someone to help bring things out of me I didn't know were there."

watch next ep -->

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[xiii-e]

Hello there.

I do hope this message finds you well. I wanted to ask for a bit of advice, specifically, how to help someone in a situation that I suspect as… similar to yours. Although, I'm not at liberty to give any more information, [At this time.] Any and all suggestions or advice would be most welcome.

Thank you

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

XIII▸ Hello in kind. I will admit, I have been looking at this message for some time trying to decipher what specific aspect of my situation would like advice on. There are a few abnormal facets of my existance. I will try to hit on what I believe may be useful for each of them.

XIII▸ Regarding my position as Medic: Someone who defines themself by how they can help others will always try to drive themself just that little bit further. It is a part of being driven to stand against human suffering- there will always be more people to help. Your work is never done. Sometimes, you will have to lie in order to ensure they get the rest they need. Sometimes you will need to lean on them, in a way that feels like manipulation. What is important is that it works. A medic must be cared for, despite themself; most will rarely let you do so without a fight.

XIII▸ Regarding my existance as a flashclone: I am... uncertain of what specific advice I can offer, without more details. I will make my best attempt. There will be something strange to their being; I experience severe migraines with- hm. Flashes of tomorrow // yesterday // two hours from now something I'm not entirely sure of. Helios-8 posesses marbling scars that ache, from time to time. There are issues that are better, and ones that are worse. Your aquaintence may not know what quirk they possess. Additionally, there may be a great many things your companion does not know, and depending on their openness they may not be willing to ask. Establishing a habit of explaining the basics of things may be helpful. Understand their experience of the world is likely deeply alien to yours; this is not inherently a bad thing. Others may have made it one.

XIII▸ Regarding the reality of my programming: You cannot break it with blunt truth. If you attempt to meet an individual who has experienced long-term conditioning with beliefs that do not align with their enforced understanding of the world, you will fix nothing- all you will do is scare them, or anger them. They, simply put, will simply come to see you as someone who does not fundamentally understand them and is unwilling to try. Your actual intent will not matter. I am sorry if this is upsetting. If you are trying to help someone under conditioning, the first thing you must accept is that it is not about you. You have to meet them, where they are. You have to accept there are some battles you will not win. You will have to lie to your friend. It will be for their own good.

XIII▸ Finally, regarding my restricted behaviours under Armory law: ECHO has served me well, regarding loosening the yoke of what I am and am not permitted to say. There are still things I cannot admit to, though some of that restriction must be associated with the prior point. I am afraid I cannot offer any advice on extracting someone from Purview space, if that is something you require. Predominantly, you need to provide your associate with both encryption and plausible deniability; higher command knowing you are keeping a secret can be just as dangerous as knowing those secrets.

XIII▸ I do hope that somewhere in here, is the answer you were looking for. If you are willing and/or able to provide further context, I may be able to expand on the points here.

XIII▸ I wish you luck.

[ XIII-E ]

//

[starry-nights-garden]

Wooyoung ✧ Blank Pages

✧ Ateez Wooyoung x gn!reader ✧ words: ~1.3k ✧ genre: fluff, comfort, some humor, Jung Wooyoung being the perfect human he is ✧ warnings: none, (mentions of him running his hand through reader's hair)

Desc.: Writing is your passion, but sometimes things in life happen that render you unable to do so, leaving you feeling quite depressed as a result. And sometimes you’re lucky that you have someone on your side who manages to distract you from all those bad feelings. 

You’re sitting at the desk in your room, fingertips tracing the paper of your notebook and following the lines filled with words in your handwriting. A bittersweet smile sits on your lips as you reread your own stories and poems, written mostly in black or blue ink. The very first pieces in this book must be well over a year old, while the last one was written probably a month ago. It was the last thing you’ve written, actually. Because ever since then you’ve been facing some heavy writer’s block, probably caused by the stress that some unlucky circumstances have been inflicting on you ever since around that time. You remember the way you felt like you had to squeeze the words out of your hands, in order for them to flow onto the paper, and the exhaustion that overcame you afterwards was new. Sure, writing requires some brain juice and energy, but usually it’s more of a content, rewarding feeling you get after you finish a piece. However, this time it was different, and ever since then you’ve found yourself unable to write more than a few words, and even those come with a disproportionate amount of exhaustion. 

Of course it makes you sad, though you’re trying to accept that you just need to be patient and wait for things to get better, so your mind will be less clouded and your heart won’t feel so heavy all the time. Still, you love writing, and the urge to write is growing stronger each day, even though everytime you sit down to actually do it, you run into the same walls you always do recently, and in the end you have to admit defeat against the empty paper. Caught up in your thoughts, you let out a long breath.

“Why are you sighing so much again?” A voice suddenly resounds behind you, followed by footsteps leading to where you’re sitting. You have been so sunken into your worries that you must not have heard your boyfriend, who has just placed one hand onto the backrest of your chair and is now peeking over your shoulder after entering your room. “You’re writing?” Wooyoung guesses, but he corrects himself as he quickly assesses the situation. “Trying to?”

“Just reading my old stuff,” you retort, followed by a bitter laugh. “I feel like even just picking up a pen these days requires way too much effort…” He remains silent for a while. You’ve talked about this with him before, so it’s not like you need to thoroughly explain how you feel or why you feel like that. You know he understands, and that there isn’t really anything he can say to help you with this. Still, he makes you look up at him by pressing a short kiss onto your temple, and you watch as he moves to the right side of the desk, crouching down not far from you. He puts his hands on the wooden surface, and between them his chin, resting his head there as he glances up at your face. 

“Once upon a time… write that!” he suddenly urges you on, shooting your pens a look, and then another one when you don’t immediately follow his instructions, this time with more emphasis. 

“What are you even trying to achieve…?” you ask, and though you can somehow imagine what the answer will be - and also that his plan isn’t going to work - you still can’t help but smile at the way he’s making an effort for your sake. 

“Just do what I say!!” he answers. “Trust me.” 

“Fine…” you mumble, reaching out for a random pen and turning to an empty page. A heavy sigh leaves your lips, but Wooyoung doesn’t let himself be bothered by you already losing faith.

“Once upon a time, there was a handsome- no, a super handsome!!! young man, who…” You cut him off.

“I’m not writing a story about you,” you complain, shooting him a half strict, half amused glance.

“Why would it be about me?!” an enraged Wooyoung throws back, and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Oh, so you wouldn’t describe yourself as a super handsome young man?”

“No-. I-… fine, maybe it was supposed to be about me,” he eventually admits. “Can’t you write stories about your boyfriend once in a while?” he adds, whining.

“I already wrote a lot about you-”

“A few things!! And never the stuff I suggest!” he keeps complaining, the playful sparkle in his eyes only growing with each exchange of words between you two.

“Well, writing about a spaghetti-hero is ridiculous… what even is that supposed to be? I still don’t get it,” you laugh. “A superhero who cooks really delicious spaghetti? Or-”

“His beams are made of spaghetti! The ones he shoots - like this!” Wooyoung gets up, posing like spiderman when he’s about to shoot his spiderwebs at something, accompanied by sound effects produced by himself. “But also,” he leans against the desk now, “I was half asleep and kinda drunk when I said that. Don’t use the weird things I say!”

“Alright,” you answer. “But what you suggested right now is weird too.”

“Oh, you think it’s weird that you’re dating a super handsome guy?” He already has his next comeback ready, and though he’s trying to look offended, he can’t keep his face from forming a childlike grin any longer, which in turn makes you let out a short laugh too. Before you can respond, he suddenly points at you, exclaiming, “But it cheered you up, didn’t it?”

“I guess…” you say through a smile, before you set down the pen and get up to wrap your arms around his body. Even despite the happiness he sparked deep in your chest, your shoulders feel heavy, and you’re thankful when he returns the embrace and holds you close, so you don’t have to support your entire weight by yourself. “It’s okay,” you mumble with your face hidden in his chest. “I don’t have the capacities to write these days. I’ll just have to wait until things pass…” He brings one of his hands up to your head, combing his fingers through your hair carefully, before his lips meet your forehead. This time he drags the kiss out for a bit, letting his touch linger on your skin. 

“I know…” he says, and you can clearly tell the way he swallows a “but”. Instead of expressing how sorry he feels for you and how much he hates seeing you like this, he goes for words more helpful than that. “Let’s do something together then,” he suggests, taking a step to the side and putting one arm around your waist. “We can make dinner together, or watch something if you’re too tired for that.” To be quite honest with yourself, you’re too tired for either of those, but at the same time you know he has a million ways to cheer you up and to charge your exhausted batteries with some power, so you nod.

“Dinner sounds good,” you say, and he walks you out of your room, giving you a little push on the back in the process. Just from that gesture alone you feel fresh energy running through your veins, and you add, “What do you wanna make?”

“…Spaghetti?” Wooyoung suggests after thinking for a moment, and you laugh. 

“So long as you don’t do anything stupid with them…” As if that was his cue, he lets go of you and jumps a few steps back, pretending to shoot spaghetti-beams against the walls of your apartment. The ridiculous scene unfolding right in front of your eyes causes you to burst out laughing. 

“Like this?” he questions.

“Yes. Please don’t do that,” you plead, and he gives you a serious look, pretending to think for a while. Eventually, he seems to have reached a conclusion as his expression returns to a playful smile and he grabs your hand.

“Alright. But only if I get a kiss!” he demands, and you have to chuckle once again.

“I think that can be arranged,” you mumble in response as you reach out to put your arms around his shoulders, and you draw closer to him. 

[kaieraai]

Hi ♡

Sometimes, when I am tuned in and have already decided that a day is going to be good, things feel simple. I am choosing this peace. I am choosing this joy. I am taking this moment of quiet and I am keeping it.

But then the work week comes back and my motivation sometimes plummets. Especially now, theres a lot to worry about, a lot to prepare for, there is a lot happening and even more uncertainty. As I've been practicing mindfulness, I've learned that I need to give myself the space to feel the complicated or more difficult emotions that come up - Fear, anger, grief. I need to respect those feelings, because ignoring them won't help me understand them better. But that takes time. That takes the patient presence with myself that comes so easily when things are good.

Patience isn't always easy either, and I think that is what makes uncertainty so threateneing. I am being asked to wait, but I don't even know for what? How do we prepare for things we can't even imagine? And how do we ever know if how we have already prepared will be enough?

The answer is to let go of resistance. To admit, maybe it won't be okay. Maybe we won't be ready. Maybe things will get more difficult. Maybe it won't get better. And maybe, even in those moments, we will find joy. Maybe, even in those times, we will have moments of peace. We will have opportunities to connect. We will have opportunities to live joyfully, to be present. To be in the moment, and to know that that is where we are supposed to be.

If you feel today like you're holding on with all you've got, maybe it is time to let go. Maybe its time to stop resisting changes that we have no power over. To release ourselves from resistance does not mean that we relent. It just means we know where our effort is worthwhile, and we stop spending it on things that are of no benefit to us. That discernment takes patience, too. It requires us to listen to ourselves. It asks us to get quiet, to pay attention.

Today, I accept that the world is not heading in a direction I can abide. Today I accept that to make the world better, I must be an example of what I want to see. Today I stop resisting the idea that there are people, many people, who see nothing wrong in the targeted attacks on democracy, on minorities, on trans, nonbinary, and otherwise queer individuals. I accept that I cannot trust my government or many of my neighbors to make this country a safe place for the people I love. In doing so, I allow some of the noise to die down. I allow my own heartbreak to subside, and I move with clarity towards the next thing I can actually do to preserve the ideals I believe in.

I hope you find some peace today. We cannot move from a place of anger or hate. That only divides. We must move from a place of compassion and empathy, because that is what the world needs more of.

Be good to each other today ♡

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 169

I swear I gotta put up a reminder or smth man I can't keep posting these posts just 2 hours before the new damn episode

(I must admit, making a review for this episode is kinda difficult)

ISOLDE TO THE RESCUE!! Also I just remember that Maria is still afraid (?) Of Isolde lmao XD

I was wondering where the old guard went :') the fact that he fell asleep during a WAR is honestly impressive though.

WAIT WAIT WAIT NO I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT LELAND BUT BLAINE???? BLAINE FELL??? But before I go to that I must say that plant holding Leland's leg is strong AF. What kinda root does it have...

The parallel of Frederick ripping his sleeves to cover Gwen's wound and then Gwen ripping Maria's blanket to save Leland.

WH. OHHHHHH. OH DAMN OH MAN. YOOOOOOOO. I DID NOT EXPECT THAT. Wait so I'm guessing here that Isolde forged Leland's signature? But when did she send that letter? Was it sent during the war? If yes then the process is really quick! It's just one day.

Honestly I'm so glad Isolde wrote that she's going to take the throne until her sons are ready because they CANNOT rule the whole damn kingdom right now with that mental state. And I honestly love the idea of all of them ruling the kingdom instead of just one of them.

WAIT WAIT WAIT This is what I'm getting but correct me if I'm wrong. I'm guessing Leland signed on the pastry catalogue and gave it back to isolde and that's how Isolde can forge his signature? That's actually really smart.

And she kinda bribed (more like raising their salary, really) the Parliament so they'd accept it right away!! Also by giving them more power! HAH And there's more power for Lavern lmaooo

Aaaannndddd the omniscient clam comment is literally just digging his own grave xd

HECK YEAH JERRY TO THE RESCUE!! FINALLY NAME REVEAL!!! Tho ngl I really thought the lemoncillo was for a molotov cocktail or smth XD

Syrah.............

WAIT DAMN ISOLDE HAS POWER OVER JUDGE, JURY, AND EXECUTIONER???? She really thought it through.

Damn...spoken like a true queen (and she IS a queen!). You go Isolde!!

Ooooh that sentence "what more did you want?".... Leland fr needed to hear that. I mean okay man I get it, your bestfriend said he doesn't need you behind your back and that hurts. Words can hurt like shit, I get it. But that does NOT mean you can just, declare a whole damn war. You can always, y'know, continue to live your life knowing there are people you SHOULD love and people who loves you. Also I gotta add that Jack was probably stressing the fuck out in that moment. His wife is literally dying, dude. There's a chance that he might say things that don't seem right because of impulsiveness. And y'know what if it really bothers you that much, COMMUNICATE. DAMNIT.

Did I say all of those right? I hope I did.

I gotta say I love Isolde even more now. That "off with his head" caught me off guard like I know sometimes we joke about that but I didn't actually think that would happen. Cpc is always about redemption and stuff after all. But now I'm genuinely wondering if Leland should actually be executioned. War, abuse, torture, those should get life sentence right?

So I'm guessing he's going to prison then? Fancy words sometimes gets me mixed up.

OH!! IT GLOWS BECAUSE OF HER KINDNESS, I'M ASSUMING? THAT'S AMAZING. Also the fact that she offered to help the man who just tried to kidnap her...We don't deserve Gwen fr.

So, uh...Blaine? Yeah where is he? I'm theorizing that the tent Nell moved will save him but he should still have some injuries. And the chances are he will break at least one bone. I don't think tents are that soft. But I'm willing to hope that he will be perfectly fine....physically.

Well that's all for now!

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts)

[fizzyxcustard]

Personal Post (and apologies)

I'm going to post some personal feelings and thoughts here, so if you're not interested in that, then please skip.

First off, I want to apologise to anyone I've offended. Now, you might be wondering why I'm starting off with that statement of apology. The truth is that I've had a very bad couple of years mentally, and I'm not using this as an excuse for any bad/negative behaviour, but more for you to maybe understand my thought patterns. I know that I've come off as toxic to some people; I stand up and admit to that. I have. My behaviour has no doubt been hard to deal with, and because of this, I've lost friends. And it's mainly to those people I wish to apologise. Whether they'll actually see this post or not, I don't know, but I hope they will. And that goes for anyone else that I may have upset without realising. This post is calling myself out.

A lot of my negative behaviour has come from very destructive thought patterns, which revolve around never feeling good enough and not fitting in. I play the comparison game constantly, and to the point that I sometimes dread coming online to Tumblr. Because I know my mind will begin to churn and tell me that I'm not a good enough person, I'm not funny enough, talented enough...just not good enough in any way at all. And it's because of this that I've pushed people away from me because of the fear of rejection through my own comparisons to other people. These thoughts have even affected the way I see myself with my family, so it's not just online friends. It's in almost everything I do.

I wouldn't normally post anything this personal on Facebook, but on Tumblr I feel that my anonymity helps me to remain a bit more shadowed from criticism and harsh words. I can only think of a couple of people from Tumblr who I've met in person.

So this post is me apologising to anyone I've ever hurt, been cold with, been standoffish with, been snappy with. Again, I know that this isn't an excuse for negative behaviour and toxicity, but I'm trying to change my ways. Whenever I feel that wave of anxiety rip through me because the negative comments in my brain are becoming so loud, I now take a step back to recalibrate. I'm consciously giving my rational mind more room to step in and take control. I'll admit that it's fucking hard, but I am trying with every last ounce of my being to become a better person.

For a while I considered leaving Tumblr, but that would mean stepping away from doing the very thing I love, which is writing and sharing with you. But the need for external validation to feed my ego and turn down the deafening volume of the negative voice was getting too much. My rational mind has had to take the reins again and fight to be heard over all the commotion of self doubt. For some time I've even developed people-pleasing ways which has later led to resentment, and again, negative outbursts.

I know I need to work on this cripplingly low self-esteem, build myself up and also be completely authentic and not people please. Don't get me wrong, I do try and be as generous and kind as I can, but sometimes it's wound up compromising my own state of mind, and I must try and work on this, too.

This post is me being open, raw and vulnerable. All I can do is apologise again, and whatever comes of this post, I will accept gladly.

I hope I can usher in a time of more confidence, more happiness, and maybe more friendships which are unburdened by my negativity.

If you've made it this far, well done, and thanks for coming to my TedTalk. :) <3

[theragethatisdesire]

i’m sorry ur not feeling well 🥺💗 sending you positive vibes tonight!!

for the slumber party plz tell me allll about your favourite character that you don’t currently write about 🙊 i wanna hear all the secret deets

HEY TIFFFFF i appreciate it :( i hope i'm not like being annoying venting on here i'm just so miz and i know my irls are sick of hearing it lolol anyways!!!!

okay my current obsession is gojo. and bc i haven't actually started the fic yet, i don't technically write for him often, only per request. does that count? idk i wanna talk ab gojo lol

just gonna throw everything below a cut because idk where i'm headed with this. minors stay away!

this is like, canonical, but gojo's so fucking annoying LMAO like i just know he is the most obnoxious, can't-sit-still, sarcastic asshole on the planet. he really makes it hard to love him sometimes.

this....is not a spoiler for a fic i'm def not writing (wink wink) but i just don't think gojo could really properly fall for someone who was not powerful. like i think part of his distance from others is his (admitted) narcissism that is somewhat well-earned considering he is....gojo fucking satoru. he needs someone that is at least somewhat towards the top of their ranks in whatever they do.

i also feel like gojo would be encouraging to a fault? like always pushing you further towards your goals, stepping in obnoxiously if your boss doesn't notice you've been working your ass off for a promotion (again, annoying). like he won't rest until you've made progress.

gojo also gets baby girl-ified WAY too much

like hear me out

we see him through the eyes of the kids/around his students in most of s1, and that's not to say he doesn't have the potential to be a playful, lighthearted person *when he wants to be*

but remember that scene of him talking to the jujustu higher-up where the guy tells him to watch his mouth and gojo laughs in his fucking face??

he's an egotistical, all-powerful, ballsy maniac. like gojo is not braiding your hair and cooing in your ear 24/7.

he is slowly backing you into a wall and taking what he wants from you. like sorry he just is.

also gojo strikes me as someone who is ....nasty. like, blood and knife play, gun play, psychopathic kind of nasty in the bedroom. idk if i would personally ever write that, but he's been through so much and seen so much gore you know that that's fucked with his....tastes, so to speak

i do think however that gojo would be absolutely devoted to his partner

like it would take him forever to come around and accept that he now felt responsible for protecting yet another person and that he had accidentally formed a connection (i see gojo as also having a very weird relationship with his humanity vs. his divinity but more on that another time)

but once he's around? he's in it for life. i mean, even if you don't ship stsg, you must acknowledge that gojo has never been willing to truly let geto go. he couldn't kill him, refused to believe geto had done that even though geto was showing signs of deteriorating mentally.

he's the same way with his partner. good luck breaking up with gojo because it's going to be a years long process.

gojo loves someone who can push back at him. he doesn't want an entirely submissive partner (kinda like eren!)

he likes someone who will put him in his place, has a sharp tongue, isn't afraid to stand up for themselves or others.

love language is absolutely gift-giving like that man has to spoil his partner he can't help it

size kink. turns his infinity on mid-sex to punish you. wants to have sex where he stands overlooking tokyo in the s1 opening. always takes the blindfold off during sex. huge public sex guy. i said what i said. it's hard being correct.

i could literally go on for HOURS tiff you have no idea the grip this man has on me. i cannot wait to write this fic!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!

thanks for coming to my slumber party lovie kisses from me to u :)