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valkyriegoddesses · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on ACOSF

⚠️ SPOILERY, SO DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK ⚠️

⚔️ the good and the bad, I’ll try to get rid of the bad thoughts first and keep the positive ones for the end but idk where my line of thought would go as I recall and type so here we go

• Nesta’s journey of healing is hers and hers alone. She owes no one in the inner circle anything, they didn’t do her any favors. (Now before I delve into this, I just want to say that I see they (Feyre and Elain only) had good intentions, but I’m going to point out everywhere it went wrong, probably against what they planned, but still it went horribly wrong) She was still suffering all the same after she got her free will stripped from her, the decision made for her by packing her things without informing her or listening to her opinion or trying to have a more lenient approach to the matter, being threatened that her second option is being thrown to the human lands where she could die, being lied to about the consequences of her actions in law, being told she “belongs in the Hewn City”, being told she’s “a pathetic waste of life”, and choosing the place everyone admits they hate going to aka the House of Wind, as her destination to heal. Knowing full well she can’t make the descent down these stairs and would be imprisoned without the power to winnow. And instead of being given her space and time, they push her to talk and interact when all she’s trying to do is have some distance from everyone. Some time to herself, to not feel anything, to control the storm of thoughts raging on the inside. And she’s pushed time and time again to face her trauma and heal RIGHT NOW because apparently, they’re timing her. And she shouldn’t have her emotions on display, when she tells them she doesn’t feel like talking yet she’s forced to interact and socialize. Anyone who’s been forced to interact against their will knows how draining it is. Now imagine this coupled with being triggered by water, and being triggered by fire, which are a daily necessity. And imagine everyone got a decade or more to deal with their trauma and are still not entirely healed, yet your time is up after little over a year. It sucks. And I hate how what triggered them to action wasn’t that she was wasting away to nothing, but the bill. When the bill was high, they drew the line. And I hate how in the narrative, the “conversation” -even though I wouldn’t call it that because only one side was allowed to talk and the other side wasn’t allowed to object- was written in a way that made it about THEIR image, when she’s frequenting taverns. THEIR image, when she doesn’t show up to their parties. THEIR image when the bill for her drinking is high. (They say it’s too much money, as if they don’t have all the riches and they all spend money on things that are absolutely not necessary, and THEY drowned her with gifts, LOADS of gifts, after she sacrificed her power to save her sister, which she didn’t do for payment, but anyway the thought is, they had the money and just like they thought Amren deserves payment for what she did in the war, they should’ve kept the same energy for Nesta because she had no small role in that either). I just think they handled it badly. Not exactly how you’d talk to someone suffering from PTSD, depression and survivor’s guilt. For one, threatening a worse alternative isn’t helpful. Secondly, There were way too many people in that room. More than necessary. Feyre and Elain would’ve been enough AS HER FAMILY (and I’ll get to details on this in a moment). And Feyre was the only decent one handling it as someone who actually was looking for a better outcome and really had the intention to help, someone who wasn’t there just to humiliate. Amren and Rhys were only there to land jabs and poke at her insecurities and bad coping mechanisms. Rhys used his power on her to force her to obey him and we all know how it’s a big NO among them. Many of those in the IC had worse coping mechanisms. But what she was doing was too much for them to handle? She was self-destructing. And she kept her distance. If I told someone I needed my space and they kept poking their head in my business, I sure as hell would lash out. When someone needs space, their privacy should be respected. No matter how long it takes them.

And I don’t see where the problem with her drinking was. She never showed up to events drunk. We never saw her hungover the day after. She was spending some money on drinking yes, but it did not get out of hand. She was also spending money on food and gambling. All in all, not the worst coping mechanism among those who were criticizing her. Not to mention that everyone who criticized her were drinkers as well, and they all slept around during some part of their lives.

Now the problem with the presence of other people in that room, other than Feyre (if Elain didn’t wish to attend and preferred to have some space between her and and Nesta, it’s her choice) anyway, only Feyre’s presence was required. Everyone else there was just an accessory, only adding stress to the atmosphere, forcing Nesta to get on the defensive with the way they slut shamed her, shamed her for drinking, shamed her for not being able to take a bath even though she told Feyre how the water still scares her, etc. I can see Sarah wanted it to look like a “family” intervening. Like some tough love sort of thing. But she failed. Simply because, the IC might be Feyre’s found family and she might take such a talk from them because it would really be tough love. As for Nesta, she doesn’t view them as family. She barely knows them. So for a group of strangers, or let’s say newly acquainted people, to sit around her and point out her every flaw and shame her for every misstep, who wouldn’t lash out at that? It’s enough she’s forced to spend time among them, on holidays she doesn’t really believe in, where they force her to attend but actively ignore her presence and treat her like a ghost. Why make her come if they don’t enjoy her company? It’s just ridiculous. Then when she gets angry from all the pushing and lashes out and it’s entirely her fault. they’re all like “come to our gatherings where we will insult you, nitpick all your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but don’t be offended and seclude yourself, we all took decades to deal with our trauma and killed people while doing it but your coping mechanisms are unhealthy. And your actions are unforgivable because you lash out at us when we shove ourselves down your throat. How can you not like us? Everyone has to like us.” Then she gets thrown away to a war camp, a FUCKING WAR CAMP, while a big part of her trauma is because of war. And instead of dealing with her face-to-face, while being gentle and showing her they’re on her side WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, WITHOUT WINCING AND GLANCES AT EACH OTHER AND INNER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HER WHERE SHE’S EXCLUDED, they’re like “we’re tired of your shit so here’s a house you can stay in while you sort this out away from our merry little circle, which has its nose up your business anyway. But still, sort it out away from us.” And in that house she became more and more closed off and her healing - and I will die on this hill - her healing DID NOT start until the house came into play which was her own doing. And it kicked off because of Emerie and Gwyn, who both didn’t judge her, didn’t demonize her, didn’t only see the bad in her, but accepted her as she was and loved every part of her. Showed her that she was not a waste of life and there are things to live for. As for the beloved inner circle? Beyond insulting her and her coping mechanisms, They don’t tell her about the weapons SHE made, because pro-colonization Amren doesn’t think it’s wise, that Nesta would use it against the world. (Amren do you hear how stupid you sound?) they always villianize her, assuming she’d be out to take the world and take revenge on everyone who ever glanced her way. They assumed she was bad, they assumed because she was angry, that she would use her power for killing and terrorizing and building an Empire like they all do. When all she wanted to do was listen to music and be around good company who passed her no judgement.

Anyway, getting into some details with each character:

Feyre: I hated Feyre’s “crying over scrambled eggs because my image is destroyed my sister spent so much money on drinking”. And the fact that when telling Nesta she was doing this for her own good, she told her she was embarrassed for her own image in the same breath. But beyond that I was fine with her. I loved her reconcilation with Nesta. I loved that she was one who wanted to give Nesta more time, recognized that she needed her own time. I love them together. I think without everyone’s interference, their reconcilation would’ve happened much faster. They were already making progress before ~some people~ ruined everything and caused Nesta to be closed off again. I don’t hate that Nesta sacrificed her power to save Feyre in the end. She’s her sister and she loves her and this is not the first time she proved this. She would do anything to protect her sisters and she hates herself for the times she misstepped. Even though it wasn’t her fault and there was a full grown man sitting there who conveniently got a redemption arc. What angers me though, is that it was only after this, that the inner circle viewed her as someone who is worth their respect. And made the sacrifice materialistic by drowning Nesta with gifts. She didn’t do it for their acceptance or for their love, or for payment. She did it because her sister needed help. Period. (Sidenote: I’m writing a post where I delve deep into their relationship, which I will eventually post, because I think I reached an understanding about their relationship)

Elain: let me get something out of the way, she has power. She has free will, she’s not a baby. She’s a grown woman who doesn’t need coddling. I hate how the fandom views her as a baby. And she’s constantly infantilized, preventing her from reaching her full potential. Now that that’s out of the way, here are my 2 cents on her, since she wasn’t in this book much: Nesta’s wording was very clear, yet I’ve seen this scene misread all over the timeline. Nesta said “I sat by your side for weeks. Weeks, while you wasted away, refusing food and drink. While you appeared to hope you’d just wither and die. No one suggested you either shape up or be shipped back to the human lands.” Nesta’s problem is NOT that Elain wasn’t “there” as in “by her side”. She explicitly stated she needed space. Nesta’s problem was that she stood between Elain and anyone who might tell her to snap out of it and lock her trauma in some dark room in the back of her head. She made sure Elain had her time. While Elain agreed to pack her bags and didn’t prevent them from shipping her away, deciding her time was up. All she wants is time, and Elain didn’t have her back on this. Then we have the fact that Elain slut-shamed Nesta. And then when Nesta comes to the party this time, Elain meets her at the door and her reaction instead of saying hi and leaving it at that or simply ignoring her, is “did Feyre pay you this time?” I’m torn on where to stand on the Elain-Nesta situation, a part of me is disappointed in Elain. I think she should’ve handled this better than anyone else because she was there, she witnessed the trauma happen, Nesta was there for her, they grew up being inseparable the entire time. If anyone should understand her better than anyone else, it’s Elain. So why did she abandon her to everyone’s judgement? And a part of me is like maybe she knew whatever she voted wouldn’t matter because the IC were taking the step anyway, and didn’t want to be there when it happened. Or maybe she’s still dealing with her own trauma in her own way and doesn’t want a confrontation. But I always circle back to the sl*t-shaming and the shaming about the drinking, and then I think about the Solstice scene where as soon as she saw her she was like “did Feyre pay you this time?” And a part of me is angry about the shaming undertone of that too, while some part of me thinks that maybe Elain felt unwanted along with everyone else and that in order for Nesta to meet them, she has to be paid, but we will never know unless we hear it from her.

Rhysand: that piece of shit, misogynist, who used his powers to compel Nesta to obey his orders, pulled rank on her, taunted and threatened her every step of the way and utilized her for his own agenda, and was *surprised* to learn the woman has trauma. Took him being inside her head and unable to wake her up from the nightmare, because the behavior she was exhibiting wasn’t enough. [insert shocked pickatchu meme]. I also would like to add that him playing the protective love interest from his mate’s own sister, WHO COULD’VE HARMED HER IF SHE WANTED TO, but never wanted to because she’s not a bad person, is so cheap. Like- you, the guy who drugged her and made her give you lap dances, are afraid for her sake�� from her sister? Who only ever used words as jabs and is generally rude? Or do you feel like you’re overpowered and are trying to fill the void in your toxic masculinity and reassert dominance ?

Cassian: He was patient with her, and probably the healthiest person in the inner circle who dealt with her until she was okay, but he still silently agreed with all the shit that was said about her. Shit she didn’t deserve to be said about her as someone going through trauma. He mocked whatever progress she made on the stairs calling it pathetic in the beginning. He stayed silent when Nesta was stripped of her will, when she was told she belongs in the Court of Nightmares, when her fate was decided for her, when she was being lied to, when she was threatened to be thrown to the humans who would kill her. He made some progress and understood her better with time, but it doesn’t excuse how he stayed silent when she was being mistreated. Specially since he claims her loves her. He also stayed silent as the Inner Circle despised her presence but still used her to reach what they’re plotting for. He progressed, and he got better, I’ll give him that. But still, as someone who claims he loves her the way he does, he shouldn’t have allowed his friends to manipulate and use her in their schemes but then exclude her from everything else, even knowledge about her own power. But I love that he was patient, that he worked to understand her, that he grew to stand up for her. I would argue that they are the healthiest ship written by SJM this far.

Mor: fucking Mor, who experienced trauma, told Nesta she belongs in the court of Nightmares. Where she was abused herself. Knowing women are viewed as objects there, knowing Nesta would recieve abuse there. She said that, wishing abuse on someone who she simply didn’t like and had some quarrels with. They never saw eye to eye and that’s fine. They always had sharp tongues when talking to each other and that’s fine. What’s not fine though, is that THIS of all things, seemed so out of character for Mor. Now, she never knew Nesta was a survivor of SA. But as someone who helps SA victims, she’s the last person I expected such a comment from. It felt very out of character. I hate that this is the Bi character in all of this mess. Of all people, a hypocrite is the Bi person. The LGBTQ community deserves better. I thought about it, and maybe Mor, being like a stranger to Nesta, and seeing her ignore Cassian in front of the Illyrians who already look down on him, made her angry to the point where she just wanted to land a jab and didn’t think her words would mean anything. Maybe all she wanted to do was stand up for Cassian, but what she said was definitely not true and not okay. I wanted her and Nesta to have a talk about it, but also she grew to have decent conversations with her and she helped her when she and Cassian had that fight. So I don’t know, maybe it’s a silent progress between them.

Amren: this one told her she was a waste of life. What a great way to deal with someone who’s suffering from PTSD and depression and having suicidal thoughts, Amren. Tell them they’re a waste of life, enforce every thought they are having as fact, push them to the point where they doubt they should be breathing, and when they’re told they could tumble down a mountain and break their bones while hiking, their first thought would be “good”. Amren deserves a medal, a badge of honor for being the 500+ old woman who has healthy ways of dealing with traumatized people telling them they don’t deserve to live because the thoughts of their power and dealing with controlling that power right now is so overwhelming. Amren, who decided that because Nesta was always angry, she had no right to know that she used her power unknowingly and forged powerful weapons. Amren, who was pushing for colonization throughout this book, was afraid of Nesta misusing her power. Villainizing Nesta’s every thought, as if Nesta wasn’t overwhelmed from the thought of possessing so much power, as if Nesta doesn’t refuse to use her powers and train. As if Nesta is out there hiding as she masters her power to reemerge and turn the world upside down. You’re the one who’s pushing Rhys to colonize other territories and become high king, Amren. Maybe *you* should be locked up in the house of wind for therapy. What hurts most in this is Amren was her friend. She trusted Amren. Amren said that shitty line to her and then lied to her and manipulated her and used her to further Rhys’s agenda. She flopped from telling Feyre that Nesta is immortal and a few years are nothing, and she should be given time. She would not betray her trust, to whatever she turned into in ACOSF. And everyone give SJM a round of pats on the back and an applause for making Amren the wise one here and making Nesta, the traumatized one who was wronged, get on her knees and apologize. I mean- if you thought this apology scene was necessary, then clarification about the fight between them was just as necessary. Or you include neither scene. But deeming the apology important and not the incident? This is some victim blaming on a whole other level.

The House of Wind: The house of wind was honestly one of the best parts of this book. It was Nesta, “Lady Death” as they call her, breathing life into something, and it was gentle, and it was patient, and it was understanding, and it pushed her to be healthier without judging, without throwing insults or slut-shaming. It hated that she didn’t eat? It kept waiting for her until her body gave out and she had to eat. It didn’t like her drinking? It gave her water when she asked for wine. It showed her its darkest part where she found the greatest warmth as well, as if saying don’t be ashamed of your darkness because in it you’ll find light, and it didn’t abandon her or stop responding to her when she was angry. It was actively by her side, without any judgement, only support and pushing her to fix the behaviours without dissing her. and it was everything those people around her weren’t. It was family.

Gwyn: their first meeting wasn’t at all what you would call “friendly”, to a fault by Nesta. Gwyn didn’t even know anything about Nesta, yet she didn’t react with even more anger as ~others~ did, she didn’t fear Nesta, or give a retort, or get angry and lash out at her. She took the blow and was, with all the calm in the world, like fine, you want to tell on me, go tell. And Nesta did go tell on her, then realized by herself how she acted rashly. And later helped Gwyn without being asked to, by swapping the book so Merrill doesn’t scold her. And their friendship grew to the point where Gwyn, a traumatized person who couldn’t dare leave the library, started training with her, was her friend and had conversations with her that didn’t center her trauma or her coping mechanisms being analyzed. She went out of the library for the first time in 2 years when she knew Nesta needed her by her side. She occupied her mind with stories of Valkyries, women being strong and unyielding in a society which didn’t allow it. She took her hand and gave her a purpose in life to work for. Gave her a friend who didn’t judge, a kind face in the maelstorm of judgemental faces. Until she felt like a safe space to Nesta to the point where she spilled all her thoughts, the ones she could only admit to herself, to Gwyn, letting her inside those walls. And when she braced for judgement, she didn’t receive it. Gwyn dealing with someone’s trauma, as someone who’s been through trauma herself, is one of the beautiful corners of this book

Emerie: Another woman with trauma. She sees Nesta enter her store, of course she knows who she is, yet she doesn’t judge her. Nesta asks about making the fatigues warmer, Emerie says she’ll ask, but it’s costly. Nesta says then she can’t afford it, admits that she was cut off, Emerie, as a stranger, doesn’t judge her. She says she could make them anyway and she can pay her as she can. Because no one should feel cold. It’s simple, irrelevant. Nesta wouldn’t freeze to death, she as a stranger has no obligation to help, it’s a simple reasoning. “You shouldn’t feel cold”. It’s enough for her to help Nesta. Something as mundane as feeling cold. She asks her to join her for a meal. And Nesta asks her if she would join the training, which Emerie refuses. and Nesta blurts out that she didn’t take her for a coward. And later, Nesta sends her the herbs she wishes to get which she can’t get often because of her location, and it’s a message of “you too deserve to see what’s best in the world, to go out and experience the beautiful parts and live, not just exist”. So Emerie goes to training with her as well, and they bond over romance novels. Emerie also reaches a point where she opens up about her own trauma, and tells the truth about what she faced and her survival. This girl who is 50-something at least, who has never had friends, living a lonely secluded life, finally found someone who was trustworthy enough to be around and form a bond with. As for the fact that she is a PoC, and the illyrians are portrayed as this group of savages who abuse their women and their women have no say in their lives and futures and how they clip their women’s wings, when wings, wingspan and wingplay heavily imply that wings are erogenous parts of the body and wing clipping seems to be the equivalent of Circumcision, which again so happens to be done by the “PoC savages who abuse their women”, hits a whole lot as fucking racist and xenophobic. PoC deserve a storyline where they’re not viewed as the villains.

Azriel: I loved his relationship with Nesta. He was the best chaperon™️, he never spoke in judgement toward her. There was a silent understanding between them. However, I’m not against him showing his feelings toward Elain or her toward him. It’s fine, if that’s what they both want. I don’t think Lucien is the type to call for a blood duel. He simply brings her presents and attends when invited, he doesn’t force himself on her and keeps his distance. However I did hate that Azriel took the necklace and gave it to Gwyn, as a secondhand. I know his only intention was to make her smile but the necklace wasn’t meant for her. It’s not a trial by error, he can’t just keep trying out with different women every time he fails with one. And I’ll just leave this here.

The elephant in the room: the entire IC is involved in this, them all blaming Nesta, framing her as the wrong person, when she told Feyre about the dangers of her pregnancy? I don’t care if she did it while she was angry, her heart was in the right place. She got hurt from them deciding her fate without her involvement, voting on her, not once, but twice, about her fate because she wasn’t fast enough to deal with her trauma, then again when deciding if she should know about what she did with her own power and the weapons. and she showed Feyre what was really at play. Protecting her from what she faced with the Inner Circle. Just because she was angry while doing it does not mean she did it out of spite. She did it to expose them, specially Amren at that point. But I don’t get how it was twisted to “because she wanted to hurt Feyre”. She wasn’t even angry at Feyre. But you all would rather suck up to the Inner Circle than confront the fact that they’re hypocrites and liars with a propaganda. They’re evil. They fear Nesta using her power to seize control of everyone because it’s how THEY are. With all this High King crap. Basically colonization dreams. With how they press rank whenever it suits them, and lie about the law to win arguments. It’s because those who are inherently bad think everyone is bad just like them.

Other Elephants in the room which have been here a long time: the thing with blaming Nesta for not being the breadwinner… I could never get it. Some have money-earning skills, others don’t. She, at the point of her life when she was human, was only trained in dancing and appealing to men socially so she could uplift the family’s social status. She couldn’t hunt. Feyre could. And NEITHER, should’ve been the breadwinner. Nesta was willing to starve to death if it would push her father to do something. Feyre wasn’t willing to wait and starve or watch anyone starve. But it doesn’t mean Nesta was at fault. She was only 3 years older than Feyre. Let’s leave the “the oldest child has to step in for the parents when the parents fail” mentality in the past. It’s ridiculous. Nesta was under no obligation to be the breadwinner. And she suffered self-flagellation regularly for letting Feyre walk out there and hunt. But she literally had no skills that when she thought of something to do, she could only think of selling herself on the streets. The parents were abusive, both of them. Favoring one child over the other and planting rivalry between the siblings. “i love you” means nothing. NOTHING, when there is no action to prove it. And if anything, this book made me realize that Nesta was never okay. She was never in a good place mentally. I mean, I knew, but this book just proved it. Her mother favored her alright, but it was not in a loving way. She simply exploited her to climb the social ladder. She didn’t give her love, she gave her instructions. She enabled the grandmother to beat her, and instill some “harsher punishments” one of which Nesta still holds the scars for. She was called worthless, as a child. Why? Because she made a wrong step in a dance. She was physically and verbally abused, and her mother let it happen. Yet she was the only one who would give Nesta the time of day so Nesta still loved her. As a child, her mother was the only person who showed interest in her and she clung to. However twisted it was, it’s the only love she ever got. The only love she knew. Then she lost her. and later the family also lost their wealth. So all she was taught to do her entire life suddenly became meaningless because she can’t achieve what her mother “trained” her to do. And we know the rest of the story. She never felt at home, not even when her mother lived and she still had that wealth. She admitted as much. She was never fine. She might’ve appeared the part, but it was never true. And since she was so good at masking her emotions, nobody was the wiser.

side note: As for her power being the “bare minimum” now, there better not be a plothole, since Rhysand couldn’t contain merely the “surface of her power” because it was too much. and if that’s all she retained, then it’s good enough for me.

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fawnandshadows · 3 years ago

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ACOTAR Characters and the Taylor Swift song that they go the hardest to

Feyre — Better Man

Notable Lyrics: And I see the permanent damage you did to me, I know the bravest thing I ever did was run, And it was always on your terms - I waited on every carless word, But your jealousy-oh i can hear it now- talking down to me, and i gave to you my best and we both know you can't say that, I just wish you were a better man

Yes, Feyre loves Rhys wholeheartedly, but damn Feyre loves singing this song at the top of her lungs. Yes, Feyre is completely over Tamlin, but you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me Feyre doesn't scream this when it's shit on Tamlin time?

Rhysand — Starlight

Notable Lyrics: And we were dancing - dancing - like we're made of starlight, Don't you see the starlight? Don't you dream impossible things? We could get married - have ten kids and teach them how to dream

This song has massive Feysand energy, and Rhys knows it. He goes so hard to this song because it reminds him of the early days of Feysand's relationship. The dreamer imagery? The starlight imagery? The way this song fucking slaps? Rhysand loves it and eats it up. He most likely made Taylor an honorary member of the Night Court.

Nesta — I Did Something Bad

Notable Lyrics: If a man talks shit - then I owe him nothing, They say I did something bad - then why's it feel so good?, You gotta leave before you get left, They're burning all the witches even if you are one, Light me up

I headcanon that they play reputation during the valkyrie training sessions. Nesta goes so hard to this song it's not even funny. Every time Cassian hears this song blasting he low-key wonders what he did to piss Nesta off, and 90% of the time it's just Nesta rocking out and dancing to let loose.

Cassian— You Belong With Me

Notable Lyrics: Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time, If you could see that i'm the one who understand you - been here all along- so why can't you see you belong with me, You say your fine - i know you better than that

Now, not only does Cassian appreciate this song for the bop that it is, but he also empathizes with it. Cassian had this song on repeat everyday after the Solstice to when Nesta finally recognized him as her mate. He definitely cooks his eggs to this song, and jumps around the kitchen belting out the lyrics, and Nesta was snobby and dismissive about this song at first, but she finally came around.

Elain — Enchanted

Notable Lyrics: There i was again tonight - forcing laughter - faking smiles, All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy, I'm wonderstruck - blushing all the way home, the lingering question kept me up - 2am who do you love?, And now I'm pacing back and forth wishing you were at my door, I'm wonderstruck dancing around all alone, This is me praying that this was the very first page - not where the storylines ends, my thoughts will echo your name until i see you again, Please don't be in love with someone else - please don't have somebody waiting on you

The most enchanting Archeron sister gets the most enchanting song. Elain 100% sings this song and spins around in the moonlight when she can't sleep at night. She yearns just as hard as Azriel. This song is beautiful just like Elain, and she constantly sings it while she gardening and baking. Elain is a Speak Now stan.

Azriel — Back To December

Notable Lyrics: Your guard is up and I know why, cause the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind, so this is me swallowing my pride saying I'm sorry for that night, And I go back to December all the time, It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, I go back to December all the time, These days I haven't been sleeping - staying up playing back myself leaving, you gave me all your love and all i gave you ways goodbye, if the chain is on your door I understand

No one can tell me this isn't Azriel after the Solstice. No one. My dude listens to this on repeat during his flights. I feel like this really needs no explanation.

Mor — I Forgot That You Existed

Notable Lyrics: I forgot that you existed, I thought that it would kill be but it didn't, it was so nice - so peaceful and quiet, lived in the shade you were throwing til all of my sunshine was gone, sent me a clear message - taught me some hard lessons

Mor is a Lover stan and a 1989 stan, but I really see her cranking this song to full volume and singing until her throat is raw to this song. It's her karaoke song. They play this song at Rita's whenever she is there. She is still trying to put her family and Hewn City behind her, and she clings to this song whenever she needs to stay strong. It's also fun and upbeat just like Mor.

Amren — All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

Notable Lyrics: Everything.

Now, Amren doesn't relate to this song. At all. But she loves the anger in it, and when she started playing it on repeat everyone was wondering what the hell Varian did. I can imagine everyone gathering round to discuss the best way to broach the subject, and Rhys was ready to go to war with the Summer Court, and Amren was wondering why everyone was walking on eggshells around her. When they finally confronter her about it, Amren laughed in their faces because Varian treats her like the queen she is.

Lucien — The Story of Us

Notable Lyrics: I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us - how we met and the sparks flew instantly, so many walls up I can't break through, the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, you're doing your best to avoid me, Why are we pretending this is nothing? I've never heard silence quite this loud

Now, I know Lucien is Mr. Perfectly Fine, and he is able to live in the human lands and be happy with Vassa and Jurian, but some of these lyrics were too good not to use (:

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outerbankspreferences · 4 years ago

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The Roommate - Austin North

Chapter I - Introductions

A/N This is kind of a slow start, but the next chapter is them meeting and moving in with each other. I only lightly proof read because it’s late. I hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 1743

MASTERLIST SERIES MASTERLIST

It was getting late into filming season one of Outer banks. Drew, Austin and Rudy were talking about moving back to LA together and getting an apartment. Rudy had been living with Chase, until he started dating his co-star Madelyn. The three boys got along great, and everyone had grown so close while filming. They were all talking about taking places in the same complex wanting to be close to each other when the show finally aired.

It was a great plan. All three had looked at different apartment buildings, figuring out how much they could afford between the three of them. Rudy had roommates already back in LA, but they were moving on with their lives and Rudy knew he couldn’t afford to live there by himself. That was when JD had suggested for him to move in with Drew and Austin.

Everything was going great between the boys until Rudy started hanging out with Elaine more. She was the one of the crew’s photographers, always helping were she could. She got along with incredibly. Both Rudy and Elaine were in the early stages of hanging out when they started filming, knowing each other from previous projects. Rudy thought she was amazing before and jumped on the opportunity to get to know her more.

There had been a big misunderstanding in the beginning when Rudy saw Elaine and Drew hanging out together all the time, he thought he lost his chance, but when Drew had brought another girl around a couple of times, he was clearly mistaken. Rudy went back to were he started trying to win over Elaine, cracking every joke he could think of and taking her out on cute little dates. It was simple, but enough for both.

“Do you think they’ll be mad?” Elaine asked the blonde while they laid in the hammock. “I don’t know maybe at first, but their cool, they’ll understand.” The two were talking about getting their own place when the show was over. Elaine had a lot of projects coming up in LA and it just made sense. The two were in love and it was what they wanted. “I just wish I knew someone who wanted to move in with them you know. It would make it so much easier to tell them.” Elaine said flipping through the photos she had taken.

Rudy was nervous to talk to the other boys. He had made them a promise and even signed a lease saying he would live there with them. He didn’t want to turn his back on his friends, but he wanted pursue things more with Elaine. He walked to Austin’s trailer assuming Drew would be with him. He knocked before walking in, the two other boys sitting around on the couch.

“Oh, hey man, we wanted to talk to you. Did you want to go back home to see family before we go back to LA. I was thinking it would be easier if we all moved in one at a time.” Austin spoke without looking up from his phone.

Rudy sighed looking at the two. Austin and Drew could tell there was something on his mind. “About that, I wanted to talk to you guys. I was thinking about getting a place with Elaine when we go back. You know, things are going so well right now, so we want to take things to the next step.” Rudy spoke in one big breath, glad he finally got it off his chest. He was looking at the boys for any signs of anger.

“Well, you owe me twenty bucks Drew, I told you they were going to move in together.” Austin replied laughing. “okay yeah whatever, here.” Drew said digging into his pocket for a twenty throwing it his friend. Rudy was confused, “wait you guys aren’t mad?” Drew looked at him. “No, we’re not mad, we’re happy for you! But you’re going to have to help find us new roommate that’s going to be as good as you.” He replied laughing.

“Yeah, okay why don’t you post something on craigslist, and we can meet with them on our break next weekend.” Rudy suggested feeling much better about the situation. “Let me know when you guys want to do things.” He called out while leaving the other two alone. He walked over to the photography trailer to talk to Elaine.

“Hey babe, are you in here?” He called into the small trailer. It was made into small office for each photographer to work from. “Yeah, I’m back here Rudy.” She hollered out to him. He followed the sound of her voice to her end of the office. She was drinking a coffee, going through the photos she had taken recently. “I really love this on of Madison, she looks so natural.” Elaine handed the photo over to Rudy. “I just talked to the boys.” Rudy stated, “and they’re not mad about anything. They said I had to help them find a roommate. I think we’re going back to LA next weekend to meet with some people.” He said looking through more of her photos. “Oh, Rudy that’s great, see love I told you they wouldn’t be mad at you.” Elaine said rubbing his back slightly.

Drew and Austin had gotten a lot of messages from people, and they finally narrowed down their list to a couple. They were going to meet at the new apartment over the weekend with Rudy. Madison had helped them come up with some good questions to ask people. It had taken all afternoon and they had finally met everyone they planned to meet. The three were sitting around eating pizza talking about everyone they had just met.

“I just want someone were not going to be seeing all the time. It would be easier if they worked opposite to us.” Austin mention, him and Drew could put up with each other but didn’t want another person they didn’t know throwing the balance off. “Yeah, and someone with no pets, because I’m not cleaning up after someone else’s animals.” Drew added. “I don’t you guys, I think you might have to expand your horizon a little bit. What about Gavin, he seemed pretty cool.” Rudy tried reasoning with them.

“No, not him, he smelt funny. You don’t want the house smelling like beef jerky and regret all the time.” Drew commented making the other two nodded their heads.

“What about Evan, he said he was trying to be an actor too, that might be nice.” Austin spoke up not minding the guy.

“Yeah, but then he’s going to asking for advice all the time, its hard when they’re first starting out and your established.” Rudy said.

“Yeah, and he said he doesn’t drink, that’s weird.” Drew added to the other blonde’s statement.

It was hard picking someone you were going to spend most of your time with. Drew and Austin worked close together, they’re character being friends helped them become friends. When the weekend was up the three packed their things and headed back Charleston.

Elaine on the other hand meeting with some friends while Rudy was one. Her friend Oliva had been in Charleston for a couple days working a case. She was a paralegal with a law firm that had a couple practices all over the country. She had been working in Georgia before taking a case in Charleston. The two girls met for coffee too catch. “I can’t believe you dropped out of law school.” Elaine spoke to the girl.

It had always been her friends dream to become a lawyer, so her not finishing surprised her. Elaine had dropped out of nursing school to pursue her love of photography. He parents weren’t impressed but Oliva stuck by her side the whole time. The two drifted when Oliva went to Harvard and Elaine moved to LA, but they always stay in touch.

“Yeah, well, I guess I took one for your books Siemek. Plus, I couldn’t stand the rich kids at a Harvard anymore.” Oliva grimaced think about the people she had met. Yes, Harvard was known for having the smartest students, but they were dull. It was so boring. Oliva didn’t live for a great amount of adventure, but she didn’t look for a bland life ether. “Well, what are you going to do after this case is over? Where are they offering for you to go?” Elaine asked taking another sip of her coffee.

“Crazy story about that one, they want me to start working in LA, they have a firm there. It’s small and handles smaller cases but one of the paralegal’s are going on MAT leave so he asked me to fill in for her. I know the office I helped set it up in the beginning. I just don’t know if it would be a step down or not.” Oliva expressed to her friend. It was a big decision moving all the way to LA, though nothing was keeping her in Charlestown, and she was in a fight with her parents.

“I think you should go for it! You would love LA, and in couple weeks Rudy and I are moving back out there together so we can hang out. I would love for you to meet all of them, they’re all so nice.” She smiled think about the friends she made over the last couple of months.

“Yeah, but were would I even live, I was looking at places and it’s all so expensive. I would need a roommate, and nobody wants a roommate the works like 80 hours a week.” Oliva groaned thinking about all hurdles in her way.

“Well, I actually can help with that. I know a couple of guys who are looking for a roommate and you’re exactly what they need. It would be great!” She explained, telling Oliva all about Drew and Austin. “Just wait until you meet them! I’ll text Rudy and tell him to bring them buy for coffee!” Elaine explained.

There was nothing wrong with guys for roommates Oliva thought. She just didn’t know if she was ready to let anyone else in her life again. A lot had happened since she stopped talking to Elaine, and she didn’t want someone picking into her private life, but she also needed a job and place. How hard could it be she thought.

#theroommate #austin north #austin north x reader #austin north blurb #austin north outerbanks #austin north smut #austin north x you #austin north x y/n #austin north x oc #topper thorton imagine #topper thorton x reader #topper thorton smut #outerbanks

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gwynrielendgame · 4 years ago

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Elucien headcanon

I don’t necessarily ship Elucien but I want both of them to be happy and I think they have the best shot of that together. I don’t understand why Elain doesn’t reject the mate bond if she supposedly hates him so much, so this is my reasoning. Enjoy!

Elain knew this conversation needed to happen. She had just been putting it off for the last two years. Another winter solstice had come and of course Feyre invited Lucien. Elain had successfully avoided Lucien the two last solstices. Her luck had run out it seemed. She didn't want to fight over how he felt he was owed her. She didn't want to fight over his odd territorial behavior considering they didn't know each other. She just didn't want to fight. Elain stood on the opposite side of the island in the kitchen. She was kneading some dough, appreciating the silence when Lucien walked in. His face told her everything. He was done letting her ignore him.

"Elain." His voice was soft in an attempt to show he didn't want an argument either. "We need to talk."

"I know." She avoided eye contact with him. Choosing instead to carefully watch the dough she continued to knead.

"I thought if I gave you some time, you would have made a decision by now. It's been 2 years and I can't keep living like this. Please just reject me." She was so surprised by his request that her head snapped up to look at him. His eyes were defeated and pleading. She hated herself for it. Could feel his sadness through the bond and wanted to ease his pain. She knew now though that it was time for honesty, not for placating him.

"I have struggled to come to terms with this mate bond. I was engaged when we met and I loved Grayson. And when I look at you, all I can see is the role you played in allowing me to be thrown into the cauldron. If you had been a man, if you had put Tamlin in his place, I never would have experienced the cauldron. I hate you for it, I know it is not what either of you intended. But I can't blame Feyre for talking to Ianthe and I can't blame Hybern because he's dead, but I can blame you. I should reject you. I want to reject you," She paused long enough for Lucien to prepare for the words. To prepare for the unbearable pain the rejection will likely cause.

"But I hear stories about Jesminda and I feel such sadness that all I want is to hold you. To take away your sadness. I look upon your golden eye and I am consumed by my rage to hurt anyone that has ever hurt you. And I see the way Feyre cares for you and I can't stop the jealousy that seeps in. I know she has her own mate and that is not the relationship you two have, but I see your inside jokes and the soft smiles you give her and I want that. I am constantly at war with myself because I want to hate you, but I can't. I want to reject you, but then I look at your face and suddenly I see the future we could have together in the spring court. I'm confused and I know 2 years is a long time but it isn't enough for me to try and untangle these feelings." She finally made eye contact with her mate. She felt the instant pull to him. The need for him in all ways. She was not open about her sexual desires, so she would deny it to no end, but he was who plagued her deepest fantasies.

"I should have stopped Tamlin. But it wasn't just Tamlin who lost Feyre. I lost her too." Lucien began to explain himself. He knew nothing he said would change her fate, but hopefully she could understand how things played out as they did.

"I knew he was making terrible decision but I knew it would be worth it in the end if we got Feyre back. You have to understand Rhysand was not the male you know him as. He presented himself as the willing participant to Amarantha's games. As though he enjoyed torture and death as much as her. I knew he could get inside someone's mind. Change their memories. Force them to see him as something different. I thought he had done that to Feyre. Had influenced her mind to hate Tamlin. To prefer the night court. I didn't see it as us ignoring Feyre's wishes to be free. I saw it as us willing to sacrifice anything to save Feyre from a man known to cut off heads and place them in the spring court for fun. If I knew then what I know now, I may not have been able to stop Tamlin, but I would have tried harder. I would have fought for Feyre's freedom. I know these words do not change your fate. Tamlin aided Hybern to save Feyre but I know even he would have left her in her supposed captors hands if he knew what your fate was to be." Lucien's eyes never left Elain's. He couldn't bare the weight of all he had done. Of all he had allowed to happen. He had moved closer to Elain during his speech and now they stood within a foot of each other. The closest they had ever been.

"I don't know where to go from here." Elain closed her hands into fists. She had to stop herself from reaching out and interlacing their hands. She wanted to groan. The mate bond hurt her head. Lucien tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I will wait however long it takes you to decide. But promise me this, if you decide you do not want this, do not want me, you will let me go. You will reject me. I can't live my life chasing after a female who will never want me. If you decide your hatred for me is too great to overcome, you will tell me, and I will leave you alone for good." His words were genuine. For the first time since learning of their mate bond, a tension left Elain's shoulders. She didn't need to make a decision right now. She could have time to decide. Her anxiety had kept her up most nights. What if she rejected him and it was a mistake? Could she take back a rejection? She knew Lucien would be kind. She knew he would love her more than anyone else ever could, but she didn't know if she wanted that love. Luckily he was gifting her the time she needed to make that choice for herself. He wasn't demanding her love based from an obligation to the Mother that created their bond.

"I promise. Thank you." It was barely above a whisper. She leaned closer to place a kiss on his cheek. The redness that washed on his face was adorable enough for the bond to tug again. As if telling Elain that it wanted, needed, more. Before she could do anything else, he was gone.

It was only after Elain saw Azriel's shadows lurking in the corner of the kitchen that she realized she should have clarified more with Lucien. Elain did not owe loyalty to Lucien, but perhaps he was under the impression they both would remain unattached while she decided. Elain wondered though if she would need to experience another relationship to truly decide about Lucien. She didn't want Lucien calling a blood fight with Azriel in defense of their mate bond. She tried to tell herself that was because she was not owed to Lucien and she could be with anyone without him attempting to kill them. But she truly knew the dread came from the fact that if Azriel and Lucien were to fight, Lucien would die.

Elain didn't think she could handle the pain she would feel at his death. She didn't know if Azriel was worth it. She genuinely liked the shadowsinger. She enjoyed his presence and sometimes found herself wishing he was her mate. It didn't change the fact that on occasion she imagined he was Lucien while they talked. That when their almost kiss had occurred last solstice, she had imagined him as Lucien. Her guilt forced her to return the beautiful necklace he gave her. She found Azriel attractive. He had also made appearances in her fantasies. It was just another piece for her to untangle during this time. She didn't want to string anyone along, but this bond made it almost impossible for her to continue anything with Azriel. No matter how much she wanted to.

#lucien #elain archeron #acotar #acosf #mates

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unordinary-analysis · 5 years ago

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Episode 159

So apparently “later in the week” means ‘literally next week’ for me digiudgg

Also, I won’t be able to post the day the comic comes out because christmas and all that and family idk so I just want to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS :DD hope you guys have a nice time :))

Honorable mentions:

Very happy that the theory is thriving

I love Arlo with all of my heart and soul there i’ve finally said it

Do we know yet if Arlo knows that Cecile is working with John? I can remember the superhero posse knowing it, but did the info ever reach arlo? Comment if i forgot something lol

I’ve talked about all of the possibilities of a joker impersonator in recent posts, so I won’t go into all of that again here. You see, it’s laziness. I’m sure you guys understand lol.

I literally don’t know how to write this in a detailed way which is why it’s in the honorable mentions, but I just feel that Cecile has to just snap soon right? I’ve been hyped about her character as a whole for so long ugh, I just need some developments

I say “anyways” a lot. Is it too much? lol

Okay, first of all: Elaine:

Elaine, elaine, elaine, elaine, elaine, you’ve finally done it. You’ve interested me.

Harsh, I know, but honestly, she hasn’t really been doing much. I thought her character was cool to read a couple of times when she was literally terrified to death of Joker, but now I feel that her intrigue is actually due to her own self if that makes sense? Anyways-

Moving past the obvious difference in her hair (only because I’ve already pointed that out lol), In this episode, WE GET TO SEE ELAINE IN OFFENSE MODE OEIRHGIWUHIWUH

I’ve been hungry for some good developments on people’s powers ugh. It’s been dry ever since we saw Isen fight like forever ago. Or maybe Cecile. I don’t know. I just like to see people fighting oof. Anyway, we don’t even get much of Elaine fighting, all we see is like a block and a punch, but that’s not even really the only thing I’m excited about seeing.

More so than other characters, Elaine has always been this docile type, you know? She’s just there whenever anyone needs healing and whenever someone needs someone to yell at them for being stupid. All Elaine ever is is worried, scared, and submissive. Well, not counting the beginning of the comic because I’m still not over that loss. Her character at the beginning of UnOrdinary? Superb. She was bitchy and yet weak at the same time. Classic combo. Anyways~ ;-;

Elaine is usually terrified of something and rarely stands up for herself or anything else, so seeing her stand up for herself, kind of, in this episode was really something to see. It wasn’t something big but, it was just a breath of fresh air to see a defiant side of Elaine. I wonder, is she growing more and more fed up of being weak? Is she done being scared? I don’t even know if she has the power to stop being scared, but, I don’t know. I’m kind of intrigued by the possibility of Elaine just snapping, aren’t you?

My main man: Arlo:

It’s got to be so weird going back to school after everything that went down, huh? Yet, the way that the safety of the school is still on Arlo’s mind? Even after he was publicly dethroned and now that everyone is staring at him wherever he goes? That’s the real evidence of what a true leader Arlo was. The best king we’ve seen in the UnOrdinary world I said what i said. And now he’s not even king anymore? Sidfhsiufhsiguh

And the fact that Elaine went straight to him when she found a problem? It’s obvious that everyone still thinks of Arlo as the king.

I’m just in awe that Arlo’s first priority seems to be the school. It really… just helps paint Arlo in this different light. I’ve made countless posts talking about how he is obsessed with order because of the influence left on him by Rei and Rei’s failure, but now that his hierarchy has fallen apart, he hasn’t exactly reacted in the way I always used to think he would. And, yes, this is very late considering how long ago John ruined the hierarchy, but I haven’t talked about it yet I think so I’m here now.

I used to think that Arlo loved order so much. That maintaining it was his ultimate goal. I’m positive I’ve said that a few times before at least. But, it’s easy to see now that it goes deeper than that. Arlo really loves his school or at least he feels he owes it something, something that runs deeper than the surface hierarchy. And I’m not even sure if he’s always been like that or if it’s changed over the course of the story. I can’t ever seem to tell, no matter what, if Arlo’s character really has developed, or if I just never saw an aspect of him. It’s infuriating and yet so interesting at the same time…

Anyway.

Arlo’s rage is also something I want to touch on. It’s not exactly something new, but compared to the beginning of the story, it’s definitely something much more common recently, even though he usually is able to maintain a cool now as well. In this episode, Arlo punched a wall hard out of anger, which wouldn’t exactly be news for characters like Blyke or John, and maybe wouldn’t be for Arlo either, but I can’t help thinking about how out of character it would be for the Arlo of the comic’s beginning, at the beginning of season one. I feel that anger is something that we’re only being introduced to in regards to Arlo, like easing yourself into cold water, you know? Yeah sure, it doesn’t feel too out of character for Arlo to get so angry he literally decimates a wall, but it feels like every time he loses his cool, it either gets more over the top or it is incited by smaller and smaller things. His tendency to turn to anger is getting bigger. Arlo is angrier now than he’s ever been.

But, Just as I just said. I can’t tell if this is a totally new thing for Arlo, the anger, or if it’s been inside of him all along, just brewing beneath the surface, repressed in a way, similar to John. Except John knows what he’s running from. I don’t really know what I’m saying I just really love that uru-chan is tapping into Arlo’s emotions more and more as the story goes on because I can’t tell if they really are new things for Arlo or if they’re finally getting the best of him.

Wording is hard so I have no idea if that last section makes sense.

So: summary: I’m currently waiting for some sort of enlightenment on Arlo’s emotional state and character growth because damn

We love our dark king John:

So, um. John.

He’s really something, isn’t he.

I can never just hate him… no matter what he does… because everything he does is just so interesting.

Anyway back on topic. John’s current motives are actually really interesting. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this yet because to be honest every time I write one of these, I rarely ever go back to see what I’ve already written in previous weeks and I never just remember because once I post one of these, you can bet that it’s out of mind. I know that John really just wants to create chaos. That’s clear enough. He stated basically that Arlo when he said he was taking down the hierarchy. But the thing is, I really don’t get why John is so for chaos? Like? I understand taking down the hierarchy because everything John hates about life, about his life, it really has stemmed from this system, the hierarchy. And finally after Arlo proved once again that the hierarchy could do nothing but hurt him, John vows to destroy it. Makes sense. And when the hierarchy is destroyed, obviously chaos is going to occur. That’s inevitable. We saw something similar with Rei and just basic sense seems to suggest that people do not not know how to function when there aren’t rules to follow. That’s chaos. Got that. But while John’s hate for the hierarchy and motive to destroy it make sense and the natural path that follows that leads to chaos, it’s John’s particular want for this chaos that keeps throwing me off.

I don’t get why John wants chaos. I don’t get it. I don’t, okay? You know, he was a lot easier to understand when the only things he had going on were a. Lie to sera and b. Take down the hierarchy. But, yay, he’s achieved those things (some more successfully than others), and now..?? Why would John want chaos?

I’m just repeating myself in hopes of making sense of my own thoughts but I can’t. I really don’t know why John seems so keen for Wellston running itself into the ground.

So I’m deadass going to leave this here until I can think properly or something iuwfisuhg. I don’t know. It’s kind of late and I have to be up early tomorrow.

Some developments on the imposter Joker theory:

Yeah, so, this isn’t really a theory aymore. It’s kind of proven now, but still it’s an easy way to refer to the whole situation. Anyway, on my longer post before specifically on this, I pointed out that because it used to be a common belief among low-tiers that Tuesday (back when he still was Tuesday) was Arlo, even though Arlo’s eyes glow blue and John’s glow orange. So: I said that it was likely that students can’t see the color of the eye glow or whatever through the mask.

This was only supported by this episode because not once does Elaine mention the color of the imposter’s eyes when determining that it is indeed an imposter. She thinks, “Wait a minute…! Something isn’t right here! That’s not John! …. This imposter’s ability level is nothing compared to the real Joker!” And that’s about it. So. Yeah. I think I was right about the eye thing. Not much else to say lol.

Something else I want to say about the Joker imposter thing is that it really doesn’t matter who each imposter is. We wasted breath trying to think of who the first imposter was and if they don’t keep the same one, it doesn’t really matter. So because this imposter was not the same as the last, I think we can move on from this particular guessing game.

#unordinary #webtoon #unordinary webtoon #uru-chan #episode 159 #official

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thefangirlthatwaited · 2 years ago

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A Genshin Impact Story - Autumn Morning

Zhongli x Original Female Character

"So, where's Lumine?" I ask as we sit outside the Angel Shares booth. "She had a commission from the adventurers guild. After that, she said she was going to head back to Liyue. See if any new ships are heading to Inazuma." I didn't get to say goodbye. Darn. The sun begins to set and the festival comes to a close for the day so Venti and I return to the city. Venti is going over the song that he has to perform tomorrow when I run into someone. I stumble a bit and Venti doesn't even realize it as he continues forward. A hand reaches out stopping me from falling to the ground. "I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," I said hastily before looking up to see who I crashed into.

My heart stops when I look into the stranger's eyes. It was just like when I met Kaeya. His eyes were like mine. He stares back at me just as shocked. "Elaine?" He whispers. Elaine, who's Elaine? "Chyou! There you are. Venti and I spent a few days looking for you." I turn to see Lumine standing being the man. "I was out exploring. Sorry to worry you." My answer felt automatic as my eyes never left the mystery man. He two was staring at me, especially when I didn't respond to the name he called me. Lumine notices the tension finally and introduces us. "Chyou, this is Dainsleif. Dainsleif, this is my friend Chyou from Liyue." "From Liyue you say?" Chyou nods to Dainsleif. "We should get going." She says trying to get Dainsleif to move. "Yeah, I need to catch up to Venti. I don't think he realized I'm not with him anymore. Talk to you later, Lumine?" I made sure she knew I needed an explanation on this. "Of course." I nod then take off after Venti, giving one last look at Dainsleif before he and Lumine leave the city.

Venti didn't even realize I was gone by the time I caught up to him. He was lost in his own world. When I got to my house I waved him off wanting to be alone again after this new revelation. These are two people I've met now that have my eyes. It left me with more questions than answers. On top of that Dainsleif called me Elaine. Who is Elaine and why do I remind him of her? I laid in bed all night, my mind wandering trying to piece together the nothing I have. When the sun rises and I see the sunlight coming through the window I give up on the sleep I knew would never come and who this mystery person was. I dress and head to the Good Hunter for some breakfast. I find Venti waiting for me with a plate of eggs. "What do I owe the pleasure?" "Lumine found me last night. Told me about Dainsleif." "When?" "Late in the evening." "Oh." "And by the dark rings under your eyes, I can tell you didn't get much sleep." "I didn't." Venti looked guilty. "Don't" I grumble. "Don't what?" "Look at me like that. You can't say anything and I understand that now."

Full chapter on Ao3

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli fanfiction #genshin zhongli #genshin impact zhongli

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galfridus1 · 7 years ago

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Congratulations on reaching 500 followers. I’m so happy for you. If possible coud you write a Meliodas/Margaret fic? Prompt 10 please.

Hi. Thank you very much and thanks too for the ask. Really sorry it’s taken this long to answer. This pair are… a challenge.

Thanks Beth for writing these with me. @maybeishouldwait has written a much better response to this prompt so definitely go take a look. This is a pale affair by comparison but it was inspired by this story.

“This does not feel like a very productive use of my time,” Margaret lamented as she glared at the screen, her eyes fixed on the flashing images in grey. “I do have spreadsheets to finish. And I would like to leave on time today, I think Gil has plans.”

“The boss sure is a hard taskmaster.” Meliodas did not look up in favour of tracking the grainy CCTV footage playing on the old fashioned television. He reached for the remote control to fast forward through the endless picture of nothing, but Margaret stopped him, gently laying a hand on top of the device.

“We need to do this properly, Meliodas.” Margaret sighed, blinking her eyes furiously before returning to her task. “Zeldris will not be pleased if we don’t find the culprit.”

“So? Who cares which of us took Gowther’s lunch? It’s just a lunch!” Meliodas huffed, but he reluctantly fixed his eyes back on the screen. “You know what Gowther’s like, he might not have brought one to work in the first place…”

“No he did. Look!” Margaret pointed at the screen and, sure enough, there was Gowther, prancing into the small break room attached to the office, placing some sort of box into the fridge. “Someone must have stolen it. I checked the fridge myself, it definitely was not in there.”

“So…” Meliodas sighed, placing his hands behind his head. “This sort of thing happens in offices all the time. Only Zeldris is pedantic enough to take any notice, let alone go to these lengths.” Stretching his legs a bit, he adjusted his position in his uncomfortable, hard plastic chair, resenting his superior more than at any point in the last forty-eight hours.

“It’s important,” Margaret protested, her brow furrowing slightly. “We need to be able to trust one another, otherwise…”

“You trust Ludoshel, I suppose?” Meliodas enquired. He did his best to keep his voice light and disinterested, but inside he felt the tick of annoyance. The new guy had been nothing but a thorn in his side since the day he had walked through the doors. Ludoshel frequently used his phone without asking, looming over him, booming down the line as he invaded his personal space. Meliodas had complained to Zeldris about it, and had been told in no uncertain terms to sit back and accept the situation. Despite being new, Ludoshel was rapidly earning himself a solid reputation as one of the best sales reps in the company. This would be fine, but Meliodas knew for a fact he kept stealing colleagues’ leads, his included.

“Well… I’m sure he’s a nice man underneath it all,” Margaret murmured. “Maybe we should take him out for drinks, get to know him a bit better.”

“He’ll probably poison your pint,” Meliodas cautioned as he watched black and white images of this co-workers as they made coffees and ate what could only be described as an obscene amount of biscuits. “And they’re impossible too!” he added, pointing at two women who were huddled in a corner of the kitchen, laughing their heads off.

“They are… a little irritating on occasion certainly,” Margaret said soothingly, her lips pressed slightly together. “But they mean no harm.”

“How can you say that?” Meliodas left his task to stare at Margaret, his expression incredulous. “They yell at each other. All the time. It’s practically screaming.”

“Oh that’s just Diane and Elaine, they’re only being enthusiastic,” Margaret murmured, her eyes resolutely fixed forward. “It’s nothing really.”

“You know, Escanor says it’s a breach of his human rights.” Meliodas grinned, leaning forwards slightly as the man himself came into view on the screen, bespectacled head bowed as he made his way to the coffee machine. “If he had more guts he’d do something about it. They sit next to him. It must be torture. And they talk nonsense. Yesterday…”

“You exaggerate,” Margaret said soothingly. “And this is a distraction. We need to… Oh!”

Margaret’s exclamation made Meliodas sit up straight, his mouth dropping open as he saw Merlin of all people fishing about in the fridge and pulling out a box which looked suspiciously like the one Gowther had sequestered there earlier.

“It… might be her own lunch…” he muttered, hissing slightly as Merlin removed the lid. She gave the contents a sniff before methodically throwing the whole lot into the bin, covering it up with a newspaper left lying on one of the tables for good measure. Unsure of how to process the sight he had just seen, Meliodas leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes wide as saucers.

“I… find this hard to believe,” Margaret spluttered. The normally unflappable woman, the pillar of calm, the source of all sanity in what was otherwise bedlam looked to be on the point of collapse. “Why would she do this?”

“Honestly? Not a clue.” Meliodas chuckled, laughter bubbling up in his throat as he watched Merlin calmly heating her own lunch up in the microwave. “Come on, don’t be like that! It’s amusing!” he added as Margaret rounded on him, her eyes hard. “Precious little fun around here now that Ban’s gone.”

With some apparent effort, Margaret resisted this proffered bait. She rubbed her eyes and Meliodas felt a momentary stab of concern. She did look tired.

“Now we have to do something about this…” Margaret murmured, her shoulders drooping. “Zeldris is not going to be happy.” Meliodas smiled inwardly at her observation. Merlin was a top quality analyst. Not only was she the go to person for collecting massive amounts of data on potential customers she knew what to do with it. Leads from Merlin led to big sales, and the boss liked her. Only last week he had ordered her the most ostentatious wrap-around desk, which Merlin kept pristinely clean and tidy, lording her good fortune over all and sundry. ‘Not happy’ was a decided understatement.

“This is simple,” Meliodas said lightly, his hands once more round the back of his head. “We just need to give her a taste of her own medicine - no hear me out!” he added as Margaret opened her mouth to protest. “The boss is not going to tell her off right? She’s her and Gowther’s, well, Gowther…” He could see from Margaret’s face he did not need to expand on his point. Gowther was very far from the most effective employee in the office. Only last week, after a mix up with his calendar appointments, the boss had yelled so loudly from his private office that the whole floor had heard it.

“We just have to give her a taste of her own medicine,” Meliodas said thoughtfully. “Then she’ll understand that we know about her activities, and that it’s not worth her while pulling stunts like this.”

“I’m not sure about this…” Margaret began.

“I’m not suggesting anything really bad,” Meliodas consoled. “Just… making her life a little unpleasant for a bit. Didn’t Zeldris put you in charge of the office seating reorganisation?”

“Yes, but I don’t see…”

“So, why not give Escanor a bit of a break?” Meliodas suggested. “Diane and Elaine are due a move…”

“Oh! I see what you’re getting at. Yes that could work,” Margaret gushed, her lips curving in a smile. “This is what I love about you, you always think of these things.”

“It’s a lifetime of practice,” Meliodas said breezily, standing to leave. “Come on, we’ve been in this cupboard long enough. Let’s…”

“Wait,” Margaret called as she also rose to her feet, “what are we going to tell the boss?”

“Nothing. We’ll just say we sorted it out ourselves and it won’t happen again. He likes that kind of initiative. We’ll let the word out quietly that Merlin owes her new place in the office to karma and there will be no more trouble. That I can guarantee.”

“Maybe I’ll put Ludoshel next to them as well,” Margaret mused, bowing her head slightly in acknowledgement as Meliodas held the door open for her. “Or is that a bit petty?”

“No! That’s a great idea!” Meliodas grinned broadly, his eyes shining with glee as Margaret left him to fulfill her errand.

#nnt #meliodas #margaret #prompt collab #fanfiction

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verifiefangirl · 7 years ago

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Tenerife Sea

||Summary: Nesta Acheron had been feeling the aftereffects of the war, slowing drowning in her anguish. Everywhere she turned her failures greeted her. She had managed to push everyone away, but one person refused to budge. His insufferable smile taunted her. Cassian. Even his name sent her blood roaring. She was happy to go under, into the ageless dark but he kept leaving her afloat

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

Chapter 5

Nesta’s eyes swallowed up Feyre’s livid features as she stared directly at Cassian with her lips pursed.

“Alone.” She spewed out, shaking slightly. Cassian stared at her calculatingly and nodded once he found what he was looking for her. Nesta grabbed his arm as he moved and winced at the pain the sudden movement caused her.

She jutted her chin out stubbornly and hissed through the pain.

“Whatever you have to say to him you do in front of me also.”

Feyre glowered at her in return and crossed her arms in front of her as she stared between the two of them, lingering especially on the two’s entwined fingers. Nesta held her stare with her ice grey eyes but didn’t drop Cassian’s hand.

Whatever Feyre saw made her face soften and she let out a defeated sigh before plopping down on the free seat. She took her other free hand and grasped in between her own.

“What happened today?” She asked, looking at Nesta but knew the question was more so directed at Cassian who looked down at his feet guilty.

“I’m sorry Feyre.” He told her with an elongated sigh as he slowly sat down at the edge of Nesta’s bed, never once letting go of her fingers. She liked the feel of his rough callouses on his hands. Those hands had been through so much, had learned so much, had experienced such joys and horrors. Her thumb unwittingly started stroked the back of his hand as a comforting and soothing gesture. His body shuddered lightly and he she watched him relax only slightly. She couldn’t understand the feeling of sadness going through her for him. She didn’t like that despondent look on his face. He looked more like a sad little boy than the Night Courts Army Commander.

“I let you down and should have kept a better grip of things.” Nesta gritted her teeth and glared at Cassian this time.

“It wasn’t Cassian fault.” She told her sister. The two looked at her in surprise that she was defending the oversized brute. “I don’t blame him.” She told her sister stubbornly. She didn’t like the idea of anyone making Cassian feel worse than he already felt.

“She and I both knew what we were doing.” Nesta spewed out, not daring to utter the blonde wenches name. Feyre watched her like she was peering into her soul and discovered something she hadn’t seen before which left her furrowing her brows. Nesta squirmed uncomfortably and for the first time, looked away, from a person’s stare.

“Alright,” Feyre spoke softly now staring at Cassian with gentle expression her face though wearisomeness still marred her feature. She scanned overs her form. Cassian cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.

“I’ll be right back.” He told them, seeming to get the cue that Feyre was trying to send him. “I’m just going to bring Nes something to eat.” She hated the multiple nicknames he seemingly had for her but some she let him get away with each and every one.

Once Cassian had vacated the room Feyre a brushed a tender hand through her hair, something which Nesta also allowed her to do. She liked her space and hardly ever liked people touching her, even more so after the Thomas episode.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. Sometimes Nesta felt like she was the younger sister. Days like this she hated herself for robbing Feyre of her childhood and other days it was unbearable to live the guilt and burdened of all the times she had messed up in her life and the moments she wished she could change.

“I feel like shit,” Nesta said bluntly. She wasn’t one to sugar-coat things as she looked into Feyre’s eyes. So alike hers yet they were so different. Feyre’s eyes held warmth, kindness and life. Nesta was just cold, lifeless and calculating.

“Did the Madja give you something for the pain?” She watched Feyre’s face fall at the thought of her being in unbearable pain. So, she gently reached for her sister’s hand and squeezed gently.

“Cassian said she did. Maybe it takes a while to set in.” Nesta explained.

Feyre gazed at her in that way again, like she knew all her secrets and she had to resist the urge to squirm. Nesta Archeron did not squirm or let anyone make her feel anything she didn’t want to feel.

“Cassian huh?” Feyre prodded, slyly but her face still very much so serious. Nesta blinked back her surprise at the direction the interrogation was going and the fact she had referred to him by his name rather than a brute or oversized bat. The displeasure must have shown on her face because Feyre had a wry smile on her face as she gently patted her hand on top Nesta’s grip.

“He’s one of the good guys, Nesta.” Feyre spoke with fondness to her tone. She didn’t know why she was finding it hard to hold Feyre’s gaze all the sudden. Instead, she studied the interesting patterns of her quilted blanket. Of course, he was a good guy and she was just some heinous monster to everyone who didn’t deserve Cassian according to Mor.

“I know.” Her agreement with the statement startled both. Nesta liked acting aloof. She used her ice and barbs as an armour and without it she was nothing. She was open to any attack, she felt too much, too hard. Those blows would not bruise but cut deep with the knives they’d throw twisting deeper and deeper. Her eyes shuttered again, and she broke away from Feyre.

Her sister knew she was divulging into feelings too deep. Things Nesta didn’t know if she wanted to come to terms with yet.

“You should get some rest,” Feyre said, standing, indicating to her departure. “I’ll get Nuala and Cerridwen to run you a bath later.” Her heart quickened at the thought of sitting in one, but she had been getting slightly better lately, hence why Feyre had mentioned it.

She gave her one last tender brush before leaving out the bedroom door, clashing with Cassian in the entryway. She watched her sister give him an encouraging pat before shooting her a meaningful look over her shoulder.

Cassian’s gaze turned questioningly onto Nesta when she had left. He had a whole tray of food in tow which had Nesta’s stomach grumbling in hunger.

She ignored his pointed stare and grabbed some bread and assorted meats off the platter. The food in Velaris really was better and spiced to perfection. She withheld her moan and continued to devour the food in front of her. Once she was full, she leaned back onto the bed, satisfied.

Cassian took it all in silently. Their eyes met across the bed and he still had the shameful look in his eye. She growled.

“Will you stop beating yourself up. This,” she told him, gesturing to her bruised body. “is not your fault.”

Cassian head was hung low and his beautiful wings were tucked in tight, almost curling around himself protectively. He looked like a fallen warrior more than the confident cocky man he was. Her heart clenched painfully at the sight.

“I’m always letting you down, Nes.” He told her softly. She scooted to the edge of the bed slowly and sat across from his chair.

“You don’t owe me anything.” She told him, firmly, hoping he’d get it in his mind. Cassian did everything for everyone. So selfless, he seemed to forget his worth sometimes, but she would not let this brave man forget. This man who crawled and fought his way to her, protecting and serving her family. All for what? Nothing. He got no glory or fame for it, no reward.

“I made a promise to you.” He told her, voice breaking, still refusing to look up at her.

“And you have fulfilled it a thousand over.” She told him, her tone soft for once. She gently grabbed his face with both her hands and made him meet her gaze.

His eyes were filled with sadness, yet he peered at her like she was the most beautiful, breathtaking, creature he’d seen. She had never had someone gaze at her in such way, Elain sure. She was the most beautiful sister. Most people avoided Nesta like the plague.

One of his calloused hands came up and rested atop of her hand and she watched him nuzzle into her hold. The pad of her thumb slowly stroked his cheek and she could feel the stubble that was forming there. Her breath caught as she realised slowly but surely, she was falling for this playfully, strong and loving brute. It was like an ice, cold slap to the face and she was left reeling. Cassian seemed to pick up on this.

“What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly. Concern was written all over his face. She wanted to recoil from him and hide. She wanted to stop feeling the way she was feeling but seeing him here, in front of her, so, concerned, so willing to give her everything, she decided to take the plunge into the dark and let herself open a little.

“You’re exquisite.” She told him, breathlessly. He looked at her with disbelief, astonishment marring his features at such a sentiment. He enlaced his fingers through hers, eyes shuttering as he pressed his forehead against hers once again.

“Nesta Archeron, you are the most beautiful, deadly, witty, being to ever grace this land.” Her heart stopped at the utter irreverence in his tone. Their breaths mingled together, and she found his was just as uneven as hers. Her eyes honed into those pink lips and the small scar near his bottom lip. His mouth tilted up to one side in a half smile as he peered at her with half-lidded eyes.

“Just don’t tell Amren that.” She didn’t have control over the snort that came out of her mouth. Her friend loved all things beautiful and liked to be complimented equally as much.

“What if I do?” She asked her voice coming out husky and full of want. His nose brushed against hers softly.

“I’ll be a dead man.” His speech equally as thick.

“I’m still not seeing the problem.” She taunted as one of his hands slid down and caressed the side of her arms. She had to repress the shivers that were wracking through her body from the touch. He leaned in ever so slowly and kissed one corner of her mouth, gently.

“Now do you see the problem?” He asked deep with desire.

“N-no.” She stumbled, hooking one of her arms around the back of his neck. She was practically on his lap. “I’m going to need more convincing.” His lips tilted into that arrogant smile she loved so much. Her heart stuttered. He leaned in again and kissed the other corner of her mouth before leaning back and quirking a brow.

“How about now?” He asked gruffly.

“Nope.” She said stubbornly, shaking her head as she gripped his face in her hands again. Before he could say anything further she crushed her lips to his in angry, violent kiss. She was mad at him, for teasing her. For making her feel this. For making her want him. The tortured groan he released had her toes curling in pleasure. He laid his broad hand on her lower back to steady her as she was perched quite precariously on his lap.

His lips reciprocated her assault with a gentle coaxing as his other hand slipped to the back of her head, weaving into her hair. Her teeth snagged onto his bottom lip and all his muscles coiled under her as he was jolted. Another sound of pleasure left his mouth. Nesta realised she liked those sounds and continued. She felt his wings flare out and cocoon around them. She pressed closer to him and ran her fingers down his chest. His lips left hers and ventured down her neck. Her mind flashed back to the other time they had been in her room and how he’d done the same thing.

“Cassian.” She mumbled, gasping. Her eyes flickered shut as he continued.

They stayed embraced for a while and she didn’t know when it was that Cassian had managed to make her stop attacking his mouth with brutal ferocity and instead slow, lazy kisses. Her legs remained on either side of him and her fingers twining into his hair playfully. Both Cassian’s hands rested on her ass as he light-heartedly nipped at her lips. She let out a small humming noise at the wholesome feeling that filled her.

She felt the bond they shared roaring at her more than ever now. She tried to ignore it as much as possible since she found out, but it was times like these that it refused to stay unacknowledged.

He pulled back to stare at her, seeming to know her mind had wander elsewhere.

“Hey.” He uttered in a soft tone. “Come back to me.” He told her. She kissed his chin and let a small smile slip. He looked at her in wonderment whenever she did that, smiled. It filled her with warm feelings. He ran his thumb over her puffy lips and she shuddered against him.

Her steel gaze softening into liquid metal. She roved her lips over his neck lazily and buried her face in the crook, breathing in his scent.

“Stay.” She uttered the words that said so little but meant so much to the both of them. Whereas Cassian was a giving person Nesta wasn’t as forthcoming with everything. The double meaning weighed heavily on her and Cassian seemed to grasp the meaning of what she was asking.

“I never left, sweetheart and I never will for as long as you want me.” He spoke, resolutely.

I’m planning this to be either 8 or 10 parts.

tags: @lady-nesta-archeron @krm00623 @dreamingofazriel @watermelonwiggle17 @a-trifling-matter @cmhmama @pattyb324-blog @rhysand-darling @maddieimhot @darlingfireheart @kaliejane26 @dreamilyzealousbird @dayanna-hatter @mylifeisafangirl @aelinashgalathynius @urbisie

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #acotar #acomaf #acowar #feysand #feyre #sjm #writing #fanfic #tenerife sea #chapter 5

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mesmusae · 3 years ago

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Elain: The Mating Bond

I think this is an important one to make in terms of my interpretations about Elain’s feelings when it comes to the bond, her actions and feelings around it. Because we still don’t have her perspective, this is entirely obviously speculation, but speculation I’m basing off what we have, and what i think makes sense about the situation. And please note, that nothing I say is necessarily against Lucien. Just more, how his actions are being perceived by her and why she responds in the way that she does. This is purely for character development. Not a statement for or against Elain or Lucien.

So one thing that I think plays largely into her feelings around the bond is how it was addressed to her. She’d just been basically waterboarded, nearly drowned, after being kidnapped and held hostage. She’s practically exposed to a bunch of strangers (because wet nightgown....doesn’t leave much to the imagination). Then she watched the same thing happen to her sister while a strange man is wrapping his coat around her (do not misinterpret this mention. I love this moment and found it cute as hell and is one of the reasons I do still ship the). but remember, at this time, Lucien had entered, standing by Spring. He left with Spring and her sister. Regardless of his outward argument against what was happening, he ultimately was on the side of the people who hurt her and her sisters. And as her sister comes to take her away from the male who happened to be standing with the very people that had caused that to happen, he suddenly makes the claim “You’re my mate.”

Now, we know Elain knows a little about mates. But not much, as Feyre and Rhys were only open about it during the second meeting, the one that she was kidnapped shortly after. So while she knows it’s important to some degree, we don’t know how much exactly she knows. Other than between Rhys and Feyre it clearly became Romantic. And Elain is in love with someone else as we know. So even under the BEST circumstances for that statement to be claimed (well maybe not the best because that would include them being in a situation like Rhys and Feyre where he didn’t tell her while they’re totaly strangers. But it absolutely wouldn’t have been during one of the most traumatic moments of her life), she would have been against it. Her heart belonged to someone else and she wouldn’t have been interested in Lucien.

Now flash forward to him being in the castle. She can feel his heartbeat. And I think we all agree, that’s kind of cute. But I think to her, it’s terrifying. Especially when it’s mixed with her trying to process her trauma AND the fact that she’s getting visions and no one understands that yet. Her feelings around the bond still, it’s likely reminding her of that trauma (cause I imagine she also felt it in the brief time he held her when he gave her his jacket in Hybern so it would draw her back to that).

Flash forward to the Graysen confrontation. I know fandom rags on her for “whining and moping” about her wedding in the middle of all of that. When in reality, of all the traumas she was experiencing at once, that one was the likely the easiest to focus on and begin processing. Elain was absolutely coming to terms with losing Graysen. But as someone who is clearly a hopeless romantic,I think it’s obvious that she hoped he might look passed everything and still love her. That their love would triumph the fear, and I think that was in part knowing that Feyre left as a human to go be with Tamlin. (Even if that didn’t work out. Hopeless romantics don’t always acknowledge that part). And in the end, Graysen rejected her. But he didn’t just reject her. He told Elain that she belonged to Lucien. As if she didn’t get a say in the matter. As if her feelings on the situation didn’t count. So not only did she not get a choice in becoming fae, didn’t get a choice in whether or not she was given that gift from the cauldron, and didn’t get a choice on the mating bond itself, her choice of who she loves and wants to be with is also being taken away. And this is where she first rejects the bond. Unfairly, Lucien isn’t there to hear this. But she has expressed a rejection of the bond.

There’s also the brief bits in ACOWAR of Elain showing....something towards Lucien. Like when he was leaving for the continent and her semi0step forward that feyre says was “as if to say something. to stop him” but isn’t necessarily the case. And then the end of acoward, when after being prompted by Feyre, she invites him to stay in the night court. I have 3 theories about why that changed after this 1) It was just a high from the success of everything (given it basically happened immediately after), and then trauma hit again. 2) She felt she had to because of that nudge from Feyre. And that perhaps she owed him that much for his part in bringing Vassa and her father back, so it was less a genuine desire to have him there and more obligation from the beginning. or 3) That something happened in the time between acowar and acofas that changed things. And I’m kind of inclined to lean to the third. But less that it was a specific event.

And of course, we have to factor in the feelings she has for Az. Because those exist. And i view them as she’s kind of growing to see him as like...a knight in shining armor kind of. He has come to her rescue several times. He’s the one that listened and figured out what was going on with her Visions. And he gave her Truth teller for protection. He rescued her in Hybern’s camp. Like, it might very well be a crush on him because he’s her savior, but it’s grown with time. (And that part in the Az bonus chapter is going to leave her hurting for a while).

Now this is the part that fandom gets really up in arms about. And I think it’s a little much? Like it feels like they only look at the actions through Lucien’s perspective, or our outsider perspective and don’t even care enough to try seeing it through Elain’s. And so this is something I’m going to put a Real Life example of to compare. It’s not Identical of course, but there are similarities.

So we have Lucien, who comes to the Night Court for some business in regards to the human lands. And then he just goes and spends time with Elain. and We don’t know much of these interactions. We don’t know how they start, we don’t know what’s said in them. All we know is that Elain does like...all the little polite things, but is clearly keeping him at a distance. Now I think it’s two fold. 1) I think she feels like Lucien is only interested in her because of the bond. Now, we might know better...though honestly, i don’t think there’s much more there to say otherwise beyond the thought of feeling like Elain was thrown at him and comparing her mentally to Jessminda. And i think the second part is likely a mix of the other options.

That being said, we get pretty clear body language Elain is genuinely uncomfortable in Lucien’s presence. From the way her demeanor changes when she thinks it’s Nesta at the door and opens it to find Lucien, to the relief she shows that Feyre notes when Lucien delines the invitation to stay the night. And when she jumps to do what any gracious host should have from the start, which is get refreshments (the kinds of things she was raised to do and told she’d never be anything more than). Yes, to leave Lucien’s company.

AND EVEN LUCIEN UNDERSTANDS. When Feyre asks him if he would want anything to do with Elain if their positions were reversed, he cannot truthfully tell her he would. So even he has some understanding of the situation from Elain’s perspective.

He also rejects the idea of spending time in the night court to spend getting to know Elain at Feyre’s request. Yes, his reasoning is solid. She likely wouldn’t want to spend that much time with him. But it would have been a good place to get a solid start making ties in the night court and showing her it wasn’t just about the bond. Also, let’s not forget, Lucien himself says he can’t stand to be with her. You think that isn’t radiating off him? That it doesn’t make everything feel like even more of an obligation to her? And makes her feel like he’s only doing things because he feels obligated? Like even if he genuinely wants a connection, (which he turned down Feyre’s ‘hey maybe try to get to know her’ intitally soooo who knows) and isn’t pursuing it because he feels like he has to, that statement alone, mixed with giving her unasked for gifts and trying to have small talk with her, doesn’t help his case at all.

Like. The girl could feel his heartbeat in the house of wind through the stones. And we think that she can’t feel it still? That him not being able to stand being near her wouldn’t have an affect on that? Like it is the worst thing in the world to feel like someone only pretends to care about you. (Please note, I don’t think Lucien is pretending to care. But I think he feels forced/obligated because of the mating bond and the effect it has on males versus females). Like I’m glad I was going through that part again, because that changes a LOT. And maybe the not being able to stand being near her stems from her not making an effort. Maybe it stems from just...her. We don’t know. Maybe both? And maybe her uncomfortableness grew upon noticing that he couldn’t stand being near her yet tried. Maybe it started before that. or again, maybe both.

Ultimately, I think Elain resents the mating bond itself. She didn’t want it. She wanted Graysen. She didn’t want to be fae. And the mating bond is one of the most uniquely fae things. Then there’s all the ties to her trauma. The fact that the mating bond and it’s forming are directly linked back to everything that happened in Hybern.

And none of this is also taking into account the OTHER things going on. AKA the outside pressure. Nesta and Feyre got to know their mates freely. They didn’t have the knowledge of the bond over their heads. And they got to know their mates and accept their bonds without everyone knowing of it’s existence. Elain does not get that luxury. Not only does everyone know, but they discuss it. Feyre still tries to nudge Elain that way. Rhys fucking interfered with a kiss because of the bond, even though they both know how she feels about the bond. Nesta and Feyre didn’t get that. Well, Nesta got that a little bit from Cassian, but...he was the other party, not an outside party who shouldn’t have involvement. Elain and Lucien do not have that luxury.

No matter what happens, there’s gonna have to be a behavior change from both of them. What I want more than anything (and is something I’d love to rolepaly) is them getting to know eachother outside the night court. I want Elain to gain some freedom from her family and relying on her safety net. And i want Lucien to fulfill a real desire in her that isn’t just based on a few small things he only knows the surface about. I want him to take her places, and show her the world. I want them to open up to each other about Graysen and Jessminda. And I want Elain to see that she and Lucien have a lot of things in common and that he really is a good person.

I want them to have a genuine friendship. I kind of want the bond rejected regardless. Like. I want Elain to say she doesn’t want that. But because the air is cleared, it kind of frees them. And I want them to feel free of expectations and find that they can get along.

#[out of character mess]#[elain headcanons]

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easkyrah · 7 years ago

Note

What’s your opinion on younger teens in the sjm fandoms? I’m starting to get uncomfortable when younger kids follow me and their age is outright listed on their description.

This went way longer than I thought it was. I’d originally planned simply giving a one sentence response, but the more I thought about it, the more I think I needed to clarify, and pin down why I felt this way. Because opinions aren’t fact, you know?

I didn’t grow up on bedtime stories where the prince saved the princess. When my mother tucked me into bed, she told me two weeks after her marriage, she cut herself. As she made the motions over her wrist, I sick feeling remained in my stomach for days, and every day my father came home from work, I would rub my palms over my arms.

My father holds that sex remains an integral facet of a marriage. Without intercourse, two individuals exist as friends. So whenever my father felt aroused, he forced my mother to have sex with him, even though she’s repeatedly told me when we’re alone she doesn’t want it—but she has to if this marriage is to work.

I told my mother that that is rape, that he’s undermining the vow to love each other. But my mother’s so broken down from her young, past self, she can’t see it. One day, she asked me, “Do you think your father’s controlling?” Not husband, but my father.

And it is my father that locked me out on the porch, and when he let me in with me blubbering “why why why”, he told me, “I destroy my enemies so completely so that they don’t destroy me.” Me—his daughter—his enemy.

I’d been doing the dishes, and the plates had made a clashing noise. “That sound is annoying,” my father had said, approaching me. “If you make it again, I’m going to start using my fists to keep me happy.”

I told him I’d report him, but that didn’t deter him. “Good!” he shouted. “Report me so that I don’t have to take care of you anymore.” My mother had watched silently, but she knew she couldn’t do anything.

Because he is controlling. He had my mother quit her job before I was born, and told her if she wanted to get one know, it would have to be as a trash can driver—because it’s work that’s singular, where she won’t be surrounded by people. He closed both my mother’s and I’s bank accounts.

My younger sister whispered to me one day when our father was home, “If this is love, then I do not want it.”

I found love overrated at this point, anyway. I identified (and still do) as an asexual, so when my father preached sex was the fundamental root of a relationship, I cringed. And when my sister, still discovering her orientation, told me she thinks she’s bisexual—well, I knew we were doomed.

We couldn’t talk to our parents—because my mother tells my father what we tell her—about how we felt.

“You’ll like boys when you get older,” my father said. It’s why when I was in elementary school, he had me sign a contract that I wouldn’t date until I was over 21. “You’ll start feeling attracted sexually—that’s normal.”

But I never did. I found boys cute, sure, but it never went further than that. And whenever my friends came out to be gay, and he found out, he’d say, “It’s a phase in life, they’ll get over it.”

I’ve never said it outright that he needed to get over his own homophobic feelings. It was not up to him to play a god and determine the happiness of others—such as I cannot let age be an aspect of discomfort to justify monitoring or controlling others.

Who was my father to lecture me on the privilege of having the chance to cut myself when he found out I was suicidal? Who was he to laugh at me when I demanded he re-open my bank account and tell me “that’s cute” when I begged for my own credit card? [Side not, just today I opened a student savings account! It feels amazing having this autonomy, even small, from him. It’s a step.]

Celaena had been told by Arobynn, the father (?) figure she knew, about the ways of assassins. When you apply the psychodynamic view, it’s no surprise she believes in the beginning violence is the answer. And in my household, when not negative reinforcement, but punishment reigns, you associate violence as a form of tough-love.

But books show that this is not the way, and it doesn’t have to be. I read TOG when I was a freshmen, thirteen years old. I’d gone through the Wattpad phase, scoffing and belittling every romance/chick-flick/werewolf/vampire/love work in my head. What did these people know about love, probably conjuring these scenes they wished happened to themselves?

But the beauty with SJM’s works is that not only are her fictional relationships unique, but herself and her husband Josh’s relationship too. With SJM’s characters such as Aelin, it took our favorite protagonist more relationships than the single one in books where the female lead + first male mentioned ship together.

In ACOTAR, on the other hand Nesta’s been assaulted by Tomas Mandray. Feyre goes back to an abusive relationship (arguably) with Tamlin. Elain’s put herself in a shell when Feyre went missing. Her characters intertwined with pieces of my own story. There are not just external challenges, but internal character development cognitively.

And meeting people, conversing with people over Tumblr—I found people just as broken, if not more, than me. You can’t dismiss these people in the fandom across all ages who have had their own experiences because of relativity.

And I find age a relative number. Oprah Winfrey was 9 when she was raped. One of my closest friends, an immigrant from Egypt, was nearly 5 years old when his house had been ravaged apart and the sounds of gunshots still ring in his years more than decades later. And conversely, I learned what a dildo was when I was in a senior in high school—and over Tumblr.

When sex-ed teachers said “don’t have sex till you’re married”, I saw that sentence as justifying what my father said—that sex is essential to marriage. But it is anything but. Trust and communication are. In fact, in social societal circumstances, what you learn in the classroom never covers this. And if you’ve been raped—how do you feel, knowing that you didn’t have a choice?

Because my mother didn’t have a choice, not when she’d be left with nothing now if she filed for a divorce. Neither did my friend who was attacked by a male when she was at the gas station and dragged away in the night at Bakersfield. Education never covers more than the basic of what has been preached for years.

For so long, no’s have been negotiated. If I tell a man “no”, he says, “But I’ve brought you coffee this entire week. I’ve made you food when you were sick. You owe me this at least.” Do I really owe him that? If I’d known his supposed kindness wasn’t hallmark of friendship, but something much more sinister, would I be emotionally manipulated into feeling like a bitch if I’d disagreed?

So when SJM gives me a badass female who goes through the stages of defeat and grief, but picks herself back up, I see a role model. I see what my mother could have been. I see what my father would have deserved—my father who negotiated my mother’s no’s, and that is not okay. “No” is a complete sentence.

It’s not to say SJM’s books prove the epitome of relationships—Aelin had intercourse with Rowan on the beach—do you know how unsanitary that is?? Do you know???

I get the age stigma, and I’m going to admit that I didn’t have my sister read City of Heavenly Fire while Jace and Clary have sex in hell—am I the only one who found that ridiculous?? Books do over-romanticize things, but isn’t that the point of fanfiction? To portray it in however you feel—more realistically?

When I first came onto Tumblr, my fics were only angst. I carved facets of my own family life into these fics, and when I received notes that readers cried and couldn’t believe I had the capacity to write this, they became more exposed unknowingly to bits of me.

I’d rather my sister read books and join the Tumblr fandom than say yes to the boy on the bus showing her a pornographic video (because boys do that unashamed here), allow teammates on our cross country and track team to smack her butt and ask to make her feel better with a kiss, etc.

Because in our circumstance, reading the stories of those, such as Celaena who survived Endovier—she’s the closest thing we have to understanding our own situation of what transpires in our house. When Sam died, my friends had sobbed while those whose parents had passed away—they didn’t shed a tear. So the former learned what it felt like to have someone you loved ripped away from you—and this empathy later on serves as a life skill.

The fandom itself has been incredibly supportive. I’ve met people from Bulgaria to Australia, and not only do I have better glimpses into the culture, the bond of SJM books have brought a situational awareness that I have yet to experience sitting fifty minutes in a high school classroom.

Because it’s too late to learn the truth of things in college. Our brains do not absorb the information as compared to when we were younger. Retention rates and all that—we’ve got to start young. There are many forms of education, and Tumblr taught me that my father is not the only type of male in the world—and that there are others like me who have thought there was no way out.

SJM’s characters have taught me self-love, that I can be more than my environment. Age knows no boundaries. What one person experienced at 9 years old is what another could have in his/her 20’s.

Age has always been a limit. I mean, it wasn’t until the 26th amendment 18 year olds and over could vote—but are there not the prodigies below that mark more informed about government and politics than someone who has only lived in their city and has been exposed to their parent’s opinions since he/she never went to college? Especially today with the Internet as such a vast source and online class to enroll it, education starts with incentive, not age.

And if NSFW posts are the issue, then we can always insert that read-below cut. It won’t prevent them from not reading, but we can always frame it in a way that perhaps is meant for these younger readers, and then at the very end, reveal that it was for such.

We can use our blogs in a positive manner to educate about sex, if that’s the root of uncomfortableness. We can be the sex-ed class that we never got. Tell me why my sex-ed teachers called people out if they asked questions, saying the kids were too eager? If we are to overcome the stigma about learning about our bodies, then we have to be able to talk about it.

The youth are the future generation, and if we keep teaching kids that we shouldn’t know things at certain ages, then we set limits on education itself. When I told my sister to not read City of Heavenly Fire, she got a copy from her friend and read it herself—which put a strain on our bond. Because restrictions show that we do not trust. And we’ve got to take the leap of faith.

I get not everyone has these tragic/pity/sorrowful stories, no matter what you believe. But personally, SJM’s books taught me that there exists some good in the world. There is redemption. There are second chances, and my sister and I struggle to fix our family.

We have to be exposed. It’s how we function. And for kids who never went through sex-ed, reading books as a source of information can direct them to look things up and educate themselves.

SJM’s books illustrated that you could find happiness without sex—a fact my father would have disagreed with. SJM showed that love is progress, and doesn’t have to be detrimental. Some may interpret her books in other ways, but that’s why it’s so pivotal we have these discussions.

Take Nesta Archeron. Lots of people has called her a cold-hearted bitch, not realizing that it’s an actual, legitimate defense mechanism. And if being a cold-hearted bitch is sending mercenaries after your sister, starving yourself to death so their father would save them, writing a letter to the Mortal Queens despite her hatred of Faes—then I guess I would be too.

But knowing me, I’d freeze up and probably would have not lived at all. Because it’s easy to dismiss characters when they do something we don’t—as if we could have done better. Sure there’s ways Nesta could have gone about and done things differently, but then she wouldn’t have been Nesta Archeron, you know? We’re dismissing her as a person, and coping mechanisms as invalid, which people use in life.

Passing judgments on characters is easy, but when you dive into the Tumblr fandom, you see people defending her (like me), and get another side of things. These debates allow for that one track mind to diverge.

Because if I hadn’t opened up to people, then I would have continued to cut myself. And then I was able to help my sister stop too. The exchange and interaction of ideas may be used to promote ideas that no longer remain up to date, but that’s why we have other users who are up to date, and use their knowledge to write about them. Because knowledge is power!!

What do you guys think? Lowkey highkey want your feedback and thoughts not just to my response but the anon’s as well.

#anon #opinion #thoughts #if you have more questions just in case i made this more confusing shoot me an ask #because i ramble #a LOT

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rocknrollsalad-moved · 7 years ago

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Day one of the December Prompt List: Street Lamp

This was a tough one for me. I’m not sure how well I used it but I wrote something. I’m not going to judge this too hard. Just calling it practice.

The last time Bruce flew into LAX he was eleven, his aunt sent him to space camp, complete with a plane ride to Florida. Bruce protested the entire time. From having to go to having to fly alone, he did nothing but complain. And enjoyed every second of the trip. One of the highlights of his youth. Knowing full well she was trying to buy some good behavior out of him, Bruce couldn’t find it in him to care after meeting NASA scientists.

All other trips out of state were by train or bus or didn’t come again until he’d moved away. Now, a full grown adult who should have visited home years ago, Bruce was sitting on a private plane running away from nightfall with those he was closest with.

In the seat beside him sat his cousin Jen, the reason he was on this trip. Tony and Pepper were towards the back of the plane and arguing like they were the only ones on board. Something Bruce found himself used to after having spent enough time in the company of either of them.

Jen, on the other hand, was having a harder time keeping her mouth closed. Her running commentary that was woven between sentences of her conversation with Bruce had gone from very hushed to loud enough to not be ignored. Tony was digging his heels in on an issue that didn’t even need a discussion. Watching both Pepper and Jen get increasingly annoyed with him was equal parts amusing and scary. Tony didn’t stand a chance.

By the time cityscapes turned into fields and open plains Pepper had ended the argument by refusing to have it any longer. Tony sulked but had snapped out of it in time for the four of them to sit together enjoying dinner.

The jet set life was always thrilling to Jen, who was having a hard time eating just her own food. Bruce never once stopped her and as the meal progressed his plate moved for easier access as his cousin squealed with mouthfuls of food and thanked everyone for bringing her along.

With a lull in conversation stretching out longer than was comfortable, Tony stepped up to fix that as he always did.

“Alright, on three, everyone says the age they lost their virginity.”

As Tony counted down, he earned a slap in the chest from Pepper and honest answers from Bruce and Jen. Twenty-four and sixteen respectively. The answers silenced the plane, even the engines seemed to take a pause in shock. At least for the moment it took for exclamations to break the silence.

Jen and Bruce both turned to each other with a shocked “what?!”

Tony let out a confused but quiet “Jesus.”

Pepper hushed Tony if for no other reason than to stop a comment of her own.

“Twenty-four?” Tony repeated, voicing the question every person sitting there had. Except for Bruce.

“It’s a respectable age, not unlike sixteen. You were a child, Jennifer.”

Jen did nothing but sigh, overdramatic and completed with an eye-roll. She was used to her cousin and his overprotective streak.

“Please, that’s nothing,” Tony swooped in to stop whatever family squabbling about to break out. Awkwardly looking for laughs to avoid the fight with a lie he’d told so much he believed it to be true. “Very normal age.”

Bruce shot him a look of betrayal that quickly changed to a warning for Tony to mind his own business. A look Tony was sure contained more green than Bruce’s eyes usually do but decided to ignore that fact. He couldn’t think about what would happen to everyone if the Hulk showed up at this height.

Pulling the bottle of wine up from the center of the table, Pepper starts to refill everyone’s glass. It’s nearly a reflex. Tony has messed up, even if it wasn’t intentional, she knows the question wasn’t appropriate and they’re on the brink of something erupting here. Pepper can’t help but try to smooth the situation out.

“There utterly useless unless they’re talking science,” she says to Jen, ignoring that the boys are there.

Neither argues with her. Tony understands what the statement is meant to do. It’s code to be quiet. And as much as he likes to go against what he’s told, he’s learnt a lot lately and now isn’t a time to rebel. He and Bruce can have a conversation about this later.

Bruce missed the purpose of the comment but sees the truth of it. All his life he’s failed in social situations and excelled within his scientific element. It’s easily taken as a compliment. He’s useful and as a scientist not a weapon of mass destruction.

“Probably why it took so long for him,” Jen teases. Raising her glass and tipping towards Pepper as a thank you. “I remember when I went to visit him when he was still at CalTech, the parties that were happening!! And I swear I talked to fifty different people just walking to get lunch and they were all amazing. Where was Doc? In a lab. Didn’t even know he was talking to me and not his lab assistant half the time.”

“Did so,” Bruce groaned and like that they were back to a childish version of themselves that seemed to come so easy when in the presence of each other.

“You have many skills,” Jen said to Bruce “but dealing with people isn’t one of them.”

“That’s where I come in,” Pepper grinned, giving Bruce a knowing look.

“I saw your press conference the other day, you were talking about the new directions for SI and I was hanging on every word. Girl, you have poise and dignity pouring out of you but I have to say, I don’t think your legal team is working for you. Have you thought about looking for some replacements?” Jen has relaxed and gone back to eating Bruce’s meal.

Bruce and Tony shared an exasperated look that neither of them meant. Reclining back in their seats as the meal’s discussion turned to business.

With an easy jab and a fast comment, Pepper saved the last two and half hours of the flight from turning into a slumber party, complete with someone crying in the bathroom. Bruce was thankful, knowing full well he had little to share in the way of interesting or wild stories. As Jen picked at his plate, Bruce stared out the window and felt nerves begin to start low in his stomach.

The reason they’d dragged the whole gang into the private jet to switch coasts came at the hands of the odd man out here. Jen had been laying the guilt on thick and it only got worse as the holiday season approached. Leaving Bruce regretting having given her a direct line to him. Of course, after his disappearance, there wasn’t any avoiding that. The regret was always short lived anyways.

It’d been years since Bruce had seen his family. Not just since the accident, this wasn’t something he could blame on his favorite green scapegoat. Bruce didn’t see the need to return home, it’d never felt like a home to him so why pretend it does now?

No matter how hard he tried, Bruce couldn’t ignore what his aunt had done for him. Both of them, frankly, as Susan would have been lost without Elaine's guidance. Things may not have been ideal but Bruce was setting the bar too high and they all survived so it couldn’t have been awful. He really owed them more than a visit once every ten years.

Giving in, Bruce agreed to a trip to Pasadena and soon found Tony agreeing to go along. It was a family outing, which Tony wasn’t but as it turns out, you aren’t supposed to point that out. Pepper was added when she found they were heading to California and so close to Malibu. Though Jen said she was there for ‘meeting the family’ support.

A dinner with his aunts and uncle turned into a weekend away. There may not be a mansion to stay at but it was far from Tony’s only connection in the city. With a hotel booked, commercial plane tickets returned in favor of the private jet Tony spent the time leading up to their departure trying to get their return flight home rerouted through Vegas.

It was all far more than Bruce had anticipated and though he was surrounded by the family he’d slowly been collecting for himself, it didn’t take the edge off. As they crossed out of Nevada, into California, and everyone had settled into their seats with calmer activities as their bodies were still on Eastern Standard time, Bruce felt a hand slip into his. He looked down at his hand and up to his cousin’s. With a half smile, he gave a silent thank you.

Laying her head on his shoulder, Bruce felt like he was ten again and taking a road trip upstate. He could swear there was happiness in those memories but he wasn’t shocked happiness was tied to Jen. She was his first best friend, the first person he’d die to protect.

“You’re doing a good thing, Doc” she whispered.

“I know. Doesn’t mean I want to.”

“Such an adult. Glad you finally grew up, life is about doing all sorts of things we don’t want to.”

Bruce turned the page of his book, ignoring her comment. Jen went back to her game of Candy Crush and Bruce fought to keep his interest on the text. More than once, letting go of her hand to swipe a finger across her screen and trigger a record-breaking chain reaction.

Soon the phone was laying on Jen’s thigh, she’d pull it up every few minutes but after a few cycles of that the phone remained on her leg and the screen’s light timed out. A soft snoring started in Bruce’s ear and brought him further back to childhood vacations. Jen never could stay awake on those long drives.

He couldn’t help but laugh, they were close enough to the airport that they started to slowly descend. Murky grey buildings and cut out of blocks were becoming defined buildings. Car headlights turned into color vehicles. The backyard pools started to increase frequency. Street lamps gave you a defined view of the life happening on the ground. It wouldn’t be long now until they were under those street lamps waiting for the ordered car.

A few freeway changes, a half hour more in transit and Bruce would be checking into a hotel. He couldn’t turn back. He couldn’t turn back as it was, where was he going to go but where the plane was taking him? But once he was on the familiar streets of Pasadena it’d be all too real.

A family reunion.

For now, Bruce enjoyed this content and comfortable feeling in the cabin. Anxiety hadn’t fully taken over, his book was an enjoyable distraction, and everything was easy. Tomorrow would bring guilt trips and too many questions, worst of all embarrassing stories.

Dropping altitude again, the final descent, Bruce relaxed and enjoyed the last few minutes of whatever this was. Finding a few moments to be hopeful and even miss his aunts for the first time in longer than he could remember.

Until Tony stood up and started to make announcements as though he was the pilot.

#joey writes #2017 december writing challenge

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aelin-and-feyre · 8 years ago

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Just Pretend?

Requested by @evilqueen729 69: “Just pretend to be my date”.

Feysand - modern au, Nessian wedding

"Come on, Feyre, please?" Rhys begs, catching Feyre off guard for a good two seconds, seeing a grown, strong man begging. She quickly recovers, however, flipping her hair as she studies her dress in the mirror.

"Don't come crying to me last minute, Rhysand, you should have figured out this problem a long time ago." Feyre answers, intent not to ever agree to any deal involving Rhysand Night, her outspoken enemy but somehow the best friend of her sister's fiancee.

She is about to walk away from him when Rhys steps into her path, hands raised to stop her from going anywhere. "You don't understand, Cassian just told me that she was invited, and I was planning on going solo tonight but now, that's not possible unless we want there to be a scene."

Feyre puts her hands on her hips. "Just get any other girl to pretend to be your girlfriend for the night, I'm sure there are at least ten listening at the door right now, eager for the chance." She comments bitterly.

Rhys doesn't even glance away from her eyes. "That's the point. With you, there are no expectations, just pretend. Please, Feyre," He literally gets on his knees. "I'm on my knees, begging you. Just pretend to be my date. One night."

Feyre studies him for a few moments, weighing the pros and cons. It would keep potential creeps away from her, but would also ward off any cute guys that might notice her as maid of honor. It would also be feeding into the best man screws maid of honor stereotype, but she would love to see the look on the other girls' faces when they saw them walk in together, as a couple. Not to mention it would be hilarious to see the reaction of this crazy ex-girlfriend of his.

Finally, Feyre sighs. "One night, Rhysand, and I'm not sleeping with you either, so don't even think about it."

A brilliant smile lights up Rhys' face and Feyre can't help but feel that this is a terrible idea.

The ceremony was beautiful, Nesta was breathtaking and Cassian was indeed, breathless. Feyre's not sure he stopped smiling the entire time. Nesta is happy and that's all that matters to Feyre.

Pictures went quickly, as Nesta was impatient and Cassian was inclined to give her anything she wanted no matter what. When they get to the reception hall, Rhys wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him and putting his lips to the side of her head as if he's giving her a kiss. "Show time, darling."

Discreetly, Feyre elbows his side. "Don't make me regret this, Rhysand." She warns.

Rhys turns back as they get into the line for the bridal party grand entrance. "You might want to start calling me Rhys, as that’s what my friends call me."

Elain and Azriel are introduced and Feyre and Rhys step up behind them, his fingers laced through hers. Feyre never thought she would be in this position, walking into a wedding reception next to Rhysand Night. As much as she doesn't want to admit it, his hand is extremely comfortable in hers. Before they go in, she quickly reminds herself that everything that happens tonight is just pretend.

"The maid of honor and best man, Feyre and Rhysand!" The announcer proclaims, cueing the two of them to step into the room as all eyes turn to see. A beat starts playing and Rhys takes control, twirling her multiple times while they weave through the tables, stopping in the middle of the room to dip her deeply and then pull her close to him. She doesn't fail to notice that his eyes never leave hers.

People clap and whoop, Feyre's cheeks heating when she breaks her gaze from his and looks around, smiling at the attendees. They walk hand in hand to the head table, sitting in their designated spots while Cassian and Nesta make their own grand entrance.

When Nesta sits down next to her, her sister's own cheeks are flushed, breathing uneven. It doesn't help the situation when the whole room starts clinking their utensils against their glasses and Cassian gently takes Nesta's face in both his hands and kisses her. They smile at each other when they pull away and Feyre feels her heart melt. Nesta hasn’t been this happy in a long time.

The food is brought out shortly after, absolutely delicious of course, but the entire meal, Feyre can feel Rhys' eyes on her, and knows he's trying to get her attention from across the bride and groom. Halfway through her steak, she finally decides to actually play her part and sends a sultry glance his way, actually catching him off guard. Rhys smiles back, winking at her, something Nesta doesn't fail to notice.

The eldest Archeron sister glances at Feyre in a silent question. "I'll tell you later. Just enjoy your day." Nesta easily agrees and goes back to her food. When Feyre glances back at Rhys, his face is pale, staring somewhere in the sea of round tables at something, or someone, she can't pinpoint. Feyre grits her teeth and sighs, knowing this is what she agreed to, and swears to make Rhys pay through the nose.

After dabbing her mouth a couple times, Feyre stands from her chair and walks over to the back of Rhys'. She leans down and drapes her arms around his shoulders, smiling as she whispers in his ear. "Come with me to get a drink, darling?"

Rhysand instantly relaxes, a small smile replacing the frown from before. He takes the hand that's resting on his chest and stands up, wrapping an arm around her waist so they can walk to the bar together. His eyes focus on her completely as they walk, though he easily makes his ways through the maze of tables without even looking. Most people are so engrossed in their own conversations and meals that no one looks up as they pass, perhaps except the pair of eyes that this whole show is for.

"Is she looking at us?" Feyre mutters under her breath, but peeking up at him through her eyelashes.

Rhys' smile tightens. "Most likely." He replies. They reach the bar, Rhys leaning an arm against it and ordering their drinks. She leans next to him, facing each other, and Rhysand takes the opportunity to reach over and push a strand of hair behind her ear. Feyre, far too easily for her liking, makes herself blush at the gesture.

The drinks are placed next to them but Feyre finds herself too entranced in his gaze to notice. "Thank you for doing this, Feyre." Rhys finally breaks the tense silence.

"You know you owe me, though, right? Big time." She reminds.

"Oh, yes, I know." He hands her the drink and takes a sip of his own.

To try and win back some of her conscience, Feyre decides to change the topic. "So where is she?" Glancing around the collected guests, she can't pinpoint any one girl that looks awful enough for Rhys to have gotten on his knees to be warded from.

"One of the tables in the back." He replies, then glances at the DJ stand. "Hey, we should go request a song for later, and soon or else we'll have to wait forever to get it played." He grabs her hand and Feyre has to scramble to set her drink down before it falls.

They get to the DJ and Rhys requests a song. While looking around for Rhysand's ex, Feyre notices that there are a number of girls here who are continuously glancing their way. Another glance at the attendees makes Feyre realize that she can have a lot of fun with this deal.

She glances back at Rhys, who is still quietly conversing with the DJ. It's no secret that he is definitely the most attractive guy here, might be the most attractive guy in Prythian, and she gets to rub it in all these stuck up girl's faces that she get's to be on his arm tonight, even if it's fake. She's always hated her sister's friends, and this is the perfect way to finally show them up.

When Rhysand is done talking, Feyre makes a bold choice. She grasps his arm and pulls him down so she can whisper in his ear. "Change of plans, Rhysand. I'll play your girlfriend, but everything is my choice, I make the decisions tonight and you play along, got it?" Rhys' eyes widen comically before he recovers himself and smirks, turning his head to look at her and nodding.

Plans are easily forming in Feyre's mind. She bites her lip, takes his hand, and starts guiding him towards the door. A glance back at the head table reveals that Nesta has barely noticed she is gone, too preoccupied in Cassian's eyes. Feyre makes a promise to herself that no matter what she does tonight with Rhys, she can't ruin her sister's big day.

A little less than ten minutes later, Feyre and Rhys re-enter the reception room and half a dozen eyes snap to look at them, scanning their slightly disheveled clothes and Rhys' messed up hair, Feyre's own handiwork. Half a dozen pairs of eyes flick to Feyre, some with impressed expressions while others are more sinister.

Feyre and Rhys smile at each other slyly, an unspoken innuendo to anyone else, however they both knew that the look was purely between associates in a scheme. In reality, nothing romantic or elicit had happened when they left, as many people in the room now assumed as they noticed them heading back to their table.

Feyre had expertly messed up his hair just enough to look like it had been pulled with considerable passion, had smudged her lipstick and placed a bit on his own lips - which had been more than a little awkward - and let one of the straps on her shoulder fall when she walked in, which she promptly fixed once enough people had noticed it. Rhys had also loosened his tie just a touch to add to the affect and then they had waited, talking quietly for a couple minutes until Feyre had decided they had been gone for enough time to encourage the appropriate response.

The whole time they had talked, Rhysand had looked at her with a weird expression that Feyre took as gratitude. This was definitely going to make any ex-girlfriend very wary of approaching a man so obviously involved with another woman. He ought to be grateful for her efforts.

When they passed the bar, Feyre grabbed a water bottle, giving it to Nesta when they got back to the head table who looked at her thankfully. Her sister hadn't even noticed they were gone. Rhys meets her eye and notices as well, shaking his head at the humor of it.

"Hey, Elain," Feyre turns to her other sister on her right. "How's your dinner tasting?"

"Oh, absolutely delicious Feyre, how's Rhysand tasting?" If Feyre had been drinking something, she would have spit it out at this moment, and then she would have taken another sip just to spit it out again. Elain had literally just said that and Feyre could not believe her ears. Elain let out a laugh. "Why didn't you tell me you are Rhys were a thing? I thought you hated him!"

Feyre sputtered, unable to find the words. Elain kept speaking though. "Would you like to sit by him? I wanted to go talk to Lucien anyway, I can offer Rhys the opprotunity to sit here for a while in my stead." Feyre could only manage a nod. So Elain stood up, making sure her long, flowery dress wouldn't get caught, and then walked over to Feyre's fake-boyfriend and gave up her spot.

Rhys smiles and thanks Elain, standing to change his seating arrangement. "How did you convince her?" He wonders as he sits.

Feyre shakes her head, trying to get rid of her shock. "She just gave it up once she noticed that you and I are together." Rhysand laughs, successfully shaking Feyre from her stupor finally.

She reaches over and grabs his hand, bringing it into her lap. His arm stiffens for a split second and then he relaxes, letting her guide his hand until it's resting on her thigh. Then, she leans over and whispers, "Don't tone down the fact that your hand is very close to me... it'll drive her wild."

She felt Rhys' grip on her leg tighten but his lips stretched into a grin, as if she'd just whispered something incredibly dirty to him. "Good, boy, now don't freak out." She whispers again and lets her lips touch the shell of his ear, looking very intimate to outsiders... and very intimate to her as well.

What the fuck am I doing?

Feyre honestly isn't sure what has gotten into her, and as she draws away from a shuddering Rhysand, she realizes she doesn't particularly care. Her heart is racing wildly, and she's having a hard time keeping the facade of being turned on, a facade.

It's alright as long as you keep a level head. Don't have anything alcoholic to drink and don't do anything irrational. It’s all just pretend.

So instead of escalating the public display of intimacy as she had planned, Feyre instead rests her chin on her hand and turns to Rhys, giving him an appreciative look and batting her eyelashes. As they talk, Rhys' hand slowly, in incredibly tiny increments, sneaks it's way up her thigh until it's only a couple inches from her center. To her infinite surprise, Feyre doesn't stop it's assent, though she tells herself every time it moves that she will halt it's advance next time.

Thankfully, the DJ announces the bride and groom's first dance and saves Feyre from having to follow through on her promise. Not breaking eye contact, Rhys removes his hand with a small caress and then turns to clap as Nesta and Cassian enter the dance floor. Feyre catches Elain’s eye from the other side of the room and her sister winks at her suggestively, her own arm slung through Lucien's. Feyre's not sure what has gotten into her sister either.

Nesta and Cassian dance beautifully, their eyes never leaving each other, and Feyre can't help feeling jealous. Maybe that's why she's acting this way, same with Elain. The two unmarried Archerons feel vulnerable and alone tonight, and two men are happy to fill the gaps.

When the song finishes, the floor is open for anyone to join, and Rhysand stands, offering his hand to her. "Dance with me?" He asks, arching an eyebrow.

"I'd be delighted." They start to make their way to the dance floor when something catches Rhys' eye and his whole body tightens.

"What's wrong, Rhys?" Feyre asks, trying to keep her tone flirty and seductive.

"She's coming this way, Feyre, what do we do?" He mutters, and Feyre has to make a split second decision.

Without even looking for the girl who is the cause of all this, Feyre steps in front of Rhys, facing him, and slings her arms around his neck. His eyes widen a fraction. "Just relax." She murmurs, and then steps onto her tiptoes, closes her eyes, and presses her lips to his.

If Rhys is surprised, he does a good job not showing it, as he easily slides his arms around her waist and pulls her flush against him, perhaps a little too close for polite company, but that's the point. Though she should, Feyre can't find herself able to pull away from the feeling of his soft lips moving against hers, nor can she find it in herself to regret her decision as she sinks deeper into his form.

"Mmm," Feyre hums as Rhys is the one to finally pull away, resting his forehead against hers and breathing slightly heavily.

"Wow." He gasps, catching his breath.

Feyre smirks, looking at him through her eyelashes. "Wow, indeed, who knew Rhysand Night could kiss like that?" Her hand somehow finds it's way onto the back of his head and she gently scrapes her nails through his hair. Rhys practically purrs in response.

"We should get on the dance floor." He says hoarsely, finally pulling away in an attempt to not kiss her again, for sure.

Feyre, now that she's no longer pressed against him, finds her mind and looks around. It’s just pretend. "Is she gone?"

"Turned right around as soon as you lips met mine." He confirms. Feyre feels a little smug that he could have pulled away then right away, but kept kissing her instead, and then she remembers that this is all fake. Just pretend. Nothing more.

"Good, then let's go." She pulls him, rather roughly, into the small throng of people dancing and attempts to lose herself to the music, a much more safe alternative to his eyes.

When the music slows down, Feyre is separated from Rhys and spots him a couple yards away, about to be approached by a few different girls for a dance. "Rhys!" She calls and his eyes immediately snap to hers, a smile breaking across his face as he completely ignores the other girls and makes his way promptly over to her. "You're about to get mauled by at least three girls in their fight over you so you better put your hands on my hips right now."

He does as he is told and she slings her arms easily around his neck, beginning to sway with the beat. His thumbs stroke her sides as he studies her, Feyre tries to get lost in the music again but fails. "Why are you doing this?" Rhysand asks quietly at last.

"Because you asked me to?" Feyre responds, not sure where this is going."No, I mean, you could have simply walked in here with me and held my hand a little to show I was taken, but instead... Why?" He wonders.

Feyre inclines her head a bit to the side, indicating the girls sitting in chairs at tables around the perimeter of the dance floor, still looking longingly at Rhys. "My sister's friends are bitches, it's nice to see them knocked down a few pegs by seeing me with the hottest guy in the room." She answers truthfully, though it may not be the whole truth. She shrugs. "And, I don't know, with Nesta getting married, it kinda makes me realize that I don't have that, and probably won't have that for a really long time, so it's nice to pretend for the night, y'know?"

Rhys nods, pulling her closer so his hands rest on the small of her back. "It doesn't have to be a really long time, Feyre." He says, searching her eyes.

Feyre lets out a short laugh. "What, feeling like a matchmaker right now, Rhys? Or are you offering yourself? I said you're hot but it doesn't mean I want a relationship with you. Besides - "

"There is no ex-girlfriend, Feyre." Rhysand suddenly bursts.

"What?" Feyre stops swaying.

He takes a deep breath. "None of the girls at this wedding were once my girlfriend, it was all just a ruse so that I could spend the night with you."

Feyre stops breathing, taking his hand wordlessly and leading them off the dance floor, out of the reception hall, and into a little alcove. "Explain." She demands shortly.

"I'm sorry, I just thought it could be a nice, innocent way of spending more time with you without you yelling at me every two seconds. I just wanted to be able to dance and talk and pretend for a night because, Cauldron, Feyre, I like you, a lot. And with Cassian getting married, especially to your sister, I wanted the chance to show it. And then you took over and I just went with it and I'm sorry for that too, I should have stopped it before it went as far as it did-"

Feyre can't take it anymore. She cuts off his rambling by doing the thing that she had failed to stop thinking about the whole time she was dancing and presses her lips to his in a fierce kiss. Rhys stumbles back but regains his footing quickly, wrapping his arms firmly around her middle like a vice, her own hands making their way to his hair.

When she finally pulls away, in need of air, Rhys tries to apologize again so she pecks his lips once more. Rhysand finally shuts up after that, staring at her with wide eyes.She disentangles herself from his arms and drags a hand down her face. "Okay. Okay, fine, that's new knowledge, huh." She mumbles, pacing slightly in front of a stunned Rhysand.

“Feyre, please. Be with me.” He begs, the second time Feyre has seen his beg in the last day.

She thinks for a good five minutes, making Rhys anxious. "What the hell. Fine." She finally turns to him. "Somehow, I'm incredibly attracted to you. So fine, we can try. I'm not promising you anything though because I did hate you at the beginning of the night but I'm willing to try."

Rhys' answering smile is almost blinding as he surges forward and places a sweet kiss to her still tingling lips. "You won't regret this, Feyre, I promise." He whispers against her mouth, his hands lightly grasping the sides of her face.

She allows a small smile to grace her features and smacks him on the shoulder, pulling out of his hold. "I better not. I can not believe you made up a fake girl!" Inside the reception hall, the music shift and Feyre gasps. "I love this song!"

"I know, that's why I requested it. Care to dance with me? No pretending this time?" He holds out his hand.

Feyre sees Nesta and Cassian still dancing together, the white gown flowing beautifully with the multicolored lights. She also spots Elain and Lucien smiling at each other by the bar, drinking and conversing quietly. The bride is happy, her sister is content, so Feyre finally puts her hand in Rhys' and decides to throw caution to the wind. "No more pretending."

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wanderingheart2017-blog · 7 years ago

Text

My Faye...

Jamie and Elaine led a seemingly normal and satisfied life with their two children until one day out of nowhere Elaine chose to leave. It tears Jamie and sets him on an endless battle with himself wondering why Elaine left him after all these years. What baffles him further is that he doesn't feel hurt despite the betrayal. Then in walks Dakota, a naive young spirited woman, who just moved in to their little town and was already a part of everyone's conversation. Everyone knew her and everyone seemed to love her more so the men. When Jamie can't seem to get away from her he decides to finally grant her his attention. When he does she takes him on a journey of revelations and realizations'. He slowly falls in love with life and her, an emotion he never thought he was capable of despite being tied to his ex-wife for years on, unaware of a dark past that haunted Dakota every passing moment.

Author's Note- Set in an alternate universe this is a work of fiction. Only the actors name and some aspects of their life is taken to write this story. You are welcome to post constructive criticism but harsh comments, crude remarks and unwanted arguments will not be accepted. Thank You!

The sound of his determined footsteps echoed through the silent floor as Jamie strode towards the Judge's chamber. He was a mixture of happy and sad. Today was the day his marriage would officially end. It actually ended six months ago when he woke up to an empty bed, a note and a manila envelope but for his wife it must have ended much before that. His shoes clicked against the lush marble flooring as he turned around the corner to the judge’s chamber. His steps faltered at the sight of his wife, or soon to be ex-wife, as she waited by the door to the judge's chamber. For a moment he could do nothing but stare at her. She looked beautiful in a blue midi dress that covered her slight curves perfectly. Her short blonde hair was displayed in impeccable curls, framing her thin face perfectly. His eyes scanned her face once again appreciatively before looking into her brown eyes. Her eyes looked different- they shone brighter like it had all those years ago. Did he make her that sad?

“Hello Jamie. How are you?”, she asked raising her thin hands to adjust his tie as he came to stand before her.

“Elaine.”, he replied still studying her. There was something different about her that he just couldn’t put his finger on and it bothered him very much.

“I see you still haven’t learnt to wear your tie straight.”, she commented completely aware of how his dark blue eyes were scrutinizing her.

“Some habits die hard.”, he replied in an even tone. After fixing his tie she looked up to meet his haunted gaze but after a few seconds she pulled her eyes away and stared at the door behind him.

“Why Elaine?”, he asked in a low, dispassionate tone.

“Why?”, she chuckled sarcastically. “Why did I leave? Because I had to Jamie.”

“But I don’t understand. Everything was fine between us.”, he sighed not liking her sarcastic tone.

“You thought everything was fine between us but it wasn’t for me.”, she replied with an accusing tone and gaze.

“What do you mean? Has it ever occurred to you that instead of just running away with some man you could have come talked to me? We could have worked this whole thing out. You owed that much, if not to me then to our children.”, his calm voice masked his irritation that stirred within his heart.

“Talk was all we did Jamie. We never fought, never disagreed, never acted just talked and talked about it until I couldn’t take it anymore.”, her voice grew exasperated with each word. Jamie didn’t like it and tried to stir the conversation elsewhere.

“Does he keep you happy?”, he noticed how she couldn't maintain eye- contact for more than a few seconds although he was very much looking at her. An emotion close to disappointment seemed to pass across her face but she quickly recovered and spoke.

“We broke up. A month ago.”, she shrugged.

“What?! Then why didn’t you come home?”, his thick brows furrowed in annoyance. Elaine couldn’t do anything but gape at him. She opened her mouth but then shut it for lack of better words.

“You know I would take you back. Aiden and Keelin will be happy to see their mother home. We can be a family again.”, he added. His eyes narrowed with confusion at her reaction. He had expected her to show disbelief, a little hesitation maybe and then weep with joy but instead her face contorted in anger.

“It’s just like you to say something like that, isn’t it? I don’t care if I have to spend the rest of my life alone but I would never come back to you!”, she sneered. Jamie flinched at her sudden animosity and instinctively backed up. He couldn’t for the life of him understand what he did to incite such hatred in her.

“Alright then let’s get this over with shall we?”, he pointed towards the Judge’s chamber and motioned her to walk ahead. Elaine could do nothing but roll her eyes as she walked towards the door.

The divorce proceedings went about smoothly with none of the party having anything to add. It was almost like it was an amicable one. Neither of them had thought of getting a lawyer since there were no demands made so no negotiation were involved. Elaine had even waved off his offer of alimony. All throughout the legal proceeding Jamie wondered if Elaine would suddenly want the custody of their children but she was only too happy to sign away their responsibilities over to him. Jamie bet that this must have been one of the easiest case the elderly judge must have come across in her entire career.

They exited the judge’s chamber and walked back together in silence. Outside in the parking lot Elaine’s car was parked up front while his was a few rows behind. Jamie stopped next to her car and waited. He wasn’t quite sure what he was to say but he really wanted to say something. Twelve years they had been together and built a life together which Elaine had just tossed away like it meant nothing. He was angry and confused but he didn’t know what to do or say. She unlocked her car and opened the door before turning to look at him. Under the sun her pale skin seemed to glow with a radiance he had never seen before. He observed how despite everything Elaine seemed to be doing much well. Perhaps he must have done something after all to make her feel so miserable that justified her running away from him.

“Where would you go?”, he asked.

“I am moving to Dublin for a while with my sister until I figure out my next move.”, she replied pushing a curl that fell on her face due to the light breeze.

“Will you come visit us?”, he asked trying to memorize every detail of her.

“No.”, she replied without any thought or hesitation.

“I see…. I am still waiting for you to ask.”, he said shaking his head slightly.

“Ask about what?”, she asked confused.

“About Aiden and Keelin. Do you not miss them?”, he asked stuffing his hands in his pocket. While it was sunny the cool ocean breeze dimmed the warmth.

She chuckled as she shook her head in despair. Without answering she turned around and slid inside her car and closed the door. Jamie frowned but stepped away allowing her to leave. The car revved to life but she seemed hesitant. Few seconds later the windows rolled down as Elaine looked out at him with tear stricken eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes looked sad. It twisted his heart but he didn’t say anything or let his pain show.

“I never wanted them Jamie. I wish you would have understood. I only agreed for you.”, with that she stepped on the gas and left, leaving behind an even more distraught Jamie.

The door slammed shut behind him as he entered his two storied home. The house was quite which wasn’t a surprise considering the kids were at his sister’s. Jamie walked through the small hallway into the family room and to the kitchen. Not bothering with his coat he simply grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and walked to the end of the kitchen where a sliding glass door led into a huge well-trimmed backyard. As soon as he slid the glass door open he was met with the chilly breeze that blew from the ocean across the land. He stepped onto the cobbled pathway and let out a frustrated breath as he unscrewed the cap to open the bottle. He took a large swig of the cool water and then another but it didn’t seem to have any effect on his rising frustration. The backyard offered a stunning, unhindered view of the ocean but even the sight and sound of rolling waves couldn’t quell his helpless feeling over his situation.

Under the setting sun he began analyzing his failed marriage. In his eyes he had done nothing wrong. He had always gone up and beyond to keep Elaine happy. Never did he refuse her for anything or let her feel the slightest pressure or worry of taking care of a family. He worried for the both of them and neither bragged about it nor regretted it. He always went out of his way to preserve the smile on her face and peace in the house. Often times he crashed and burned under the burdens of life but he never let Elaine or the kids see his pain or suffering. In the twelve years of marriage they never fought, never disagreed on anything and never fell in love. Theirs had been a marriage based on mutual attraction which never turned to love.

Jamie exhaled loudly and looked up at the somber sky as if looking for some unseen force above to help him sort his troubles. He liked having answers and Elaine wasn’t making any sense. Taking another deep breath of the saline air he turned to leave when something on a tree caught his attention. Or was it someone?

‘What the hell?!’, he muttered under his breath as he walked a little further out to check on the intruder.

At a far corner of the backyard stood an old Yew tree, the braches of which spanned across a good part of the yard providing shade and cool on those rare hot days. On one of those higher branches sat a woman he had never seen before in his life. What was more mystifying was her attire. She wore a thin white cotton dress that came up to her knees. It made him wonder if she was affected by the chill at all. It wasn’t freezing exactly but it wasn’t warm enough to warrant wearing that dress either. The pale blue cardigan that wrapped around her petite body perfectly was the only thing protecting her from the cold but it didn’t do such favors for her long pale slender legs that were outstretched across the length of the branch exposed to the chill. A floral wreath crowned her head which did nothing to stop the breeze from blowing her long dark brown hair away from her face.

For couple of seconds Jamie didn’t know what to say or do. He was rendered speechless as he came to stand under the tree. He could see that she was in some deep thought and didn’t seem to notice him. All of a sudden it struck him for the first time how the house had been far too quite than it should be. Immediately his neck whipped from side to side in search of his source of concern but found the backyard empty. He looked up again and groaned.

“Hey you! Can I help you?”, he hollered.

The woman seemed to snap out of her daze and looked down at him. For a moment she looked at him confused as if she couldn’t understand why the man was interrupting her day dream but soon her Cerulean eyes shone with realization. Then she did the unthinkable. Her lips broke out in a wide grin as she waved a hand at him. Jamie couldn’t fathom her response. At being caught red handed he had expected her to be scared or worried but neither emotion was evident on her face as she began climbing down the tree. It annoyed him to no end yet there was something about that smile that pinched his heart.

“Hi…. You know I was beginning to wonder if anyone lived here at all.”, she replied in her soft sweet voice as she climbed down the last branch and landed on the ground on her feet with an audible thud. She patted her hands together in an attempt to be rid of the dirt and then proceeded to dust the seat of her dress before wrapping her arms across her chest and coming to stand before him.

“Who are you and what do you think you’re doing in my house?”, he asked trying to hide his amusement over the whole situation.

“Oh… My name’s Dakota. I am your new neighbor. I live right across from you. As to what I am doing here I am sorry Mr. Dornan but my house is inland and my backyard doesn’t offer me such a spectacular view of the ocean. I hope you don’t mind me.”, she grinned again.

Jamie curled his fingers against his palm as he took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. He had heard the name before several times in the past week. In a small town such as theirs nothing ever stayed hidden and everyone knew everything about everyone. So when a stranger with no prior connections to the vapid town moves in it becomes a sensational news for the locals and if the said stranger turns out to be a young beautiful female the news becomes an overnight sensation. Dakota had been the talk of the town ever since she moved over two weeks ago making even him wonder who she was to inspire such curiosity and excitement yet now he got to experience it firsthand. It was just his luck that she moved into a house right across from his. Before he could think of anything else his mind went back to his initial concern.

“How did you get past the dog?”, he asked glancing once again across the courtyard looking for his dog.

“You mean Ziggy?”, she copied his movement and looked for the dog but found the yard empty of any creature. When she turned to face him she saw his face twisted like he had eaten something sour.

“You named my dog what?”, he shook his head as if she had insulted his dog.

“Ziggy… I thought it was a nice name. I had a cat once named Ziggy. He seemed to dig the name. It wasn’t like I could ask the dog what his name was and expect it to tell me.”, she shrugged.

“How did you manage to get past him?”, he persisted concerned for Brutus.

“I saw him on the porch on my way in. I fed him his favorite biscuit then he seemed to doze off so I came right here.”, she replied.

“You befriended my Rottweiler?”, he asked incredulous. She simply shrugged adjusting her wreath. His eyes followed the action and seemed to notice how there were real flowers used. It bewildered him to see a full grown woman wearing a wreath for no reason at all.

“How many times have you been here?”, he snapped.

“Just twice.”, her eyes twinkled in mischief as she shrugged innocently.

Jamie just couldn’t figure the woman standing before him and didn’t know how to react. It looked to him like either she didn’t understand that she was trespassing or maybe didn’t think of it as a big deal. He rubbed his face with his hand trying to sort his thoughts. When he moved his hand away he found her staring at him, or rather admiring. Jamie couldn’t help but do some admiring of his own.

Finally he huffed and walked back towards the door. He looked back and pointed his hand towards her gesturing with his outstretched palms towards the kitchen when he found her standing still. As she stepped inside behind him he slid the door close and walked through the kitchen only to stop short when he heard her talk.

“So Mr. Dornan… Do you know how to make coffee?”, she asked pulling a stool from the bar. Once again he stood speechless. Wasn’t his body language clear enough? He wanted her to leave but she seemed to either not understand that or chose to ignore it. Her smile brought his attention back.

“I do but I am not in a mood for some.”, he snapped.

“Oh! Do you mind if I make some coffee then? I could really use some.”, she said rubbing her hands together. That’s when he noticed the bluish tinge that spread across her nails.

“Yes I do mind. I had a really long day and I would like to be left alone if that’s alright with you.”, he finally put it out not caring if he was being rude to a woman who was evidently freezing.

“Oh I am so sorry. I had a long day too.”, she sighed turning her head to face the tiled wall opposite to her before continuing, “You see I teach at Lincoln’s. I have been entrusted with grade 1 this year and as much as I love children sometimes it can get really overwhelming. I had a girl swallow glue and while I was trying to handle the situation two boys got into a fight over a toy and I had to intervene and there’s this another adorable girl called Abby, who is my favorite mind you, but today for some reason she wanted me to keep on reading Alice in Wonderland and kept insisting while I was struggling with two problems at hand.”

She sighed dramatically at the end of her rant and looked at him again not making a move to leave at all. With all his might he tried to stop the creeping smile that threatened to reveal his amusement over the woman. He wanted her to leave and here she was ranting about her day with Grade 1 kids. At least that explained the wreath but the name of the school where she taught left him unsettled but he suppressed it.

“And so you decided that it would be a good idea to hang from your neighbor’s tree?”, he crossed his arms across his chest and frowned at her. Her lips curled up in another one of her sweet smiles as she nodded her head from side to side.

“I just thought the ocean would calm me and I didn’t want to walk all the way to the beach.”, she replied showing no signs of remorse on her intrusion. Even as she said it Jamie knew from the touch of sadness in her tone and cloudiness in her eyes, that there was a far bigger reason than a bunch of first grade kids for her overwhelming day.

“Ya well I am just coming home from divorcing my wife of twelve years so excuse me if I am not in a mood to entertain guests or in your case intrusive neighbor.”, he indicated her to follow him once again. Dakota sighed before getting off the stool. She didn’t seem the least bit put off with his words as she followed him.

“You are right Mr. Dornan. Your day was even worse but in my opinion in a situation like this you shouldn’t be alone.”, she replied following him to the hallway.

“I am perfectly alright by myself. Thank you.”, he replied holding the main door open for her. True to her words he found Brutus sleeping on the porch which was strange because he neither barked nor acknowledged him when he arrived earlier. As Dakota stepped down the stairs he stopped her hesitantly. Brutus seemed to wake up from his slumber and whined looking at Dakota as if it upset him to see her leave.

“How do you know my last name?”, he asked ignoring his dog’s eccentric behavior.

“Seriously? The mailbox.”, she pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. Jamie had almost forgotten about the fading words ‘Dornan’s’ scrawled across the old weather- worn wooden excuse of a mailbox that stood on the lawn.

“Good night Mr. Dornan. If you need anything I am right across the street.”, she smiled at him before walking down the path to the street. Jamie closed the door behind him silently wondering why his heart beat so fast every time she smiled at him.

CHAPTER 2

The rains were incessant that week and it looked like it would stay that way for another couple of days if the weather predictions were to be believed. Jamie huffed as he sat heavily on the chair by his desk. The dinky biology classroom had everything required. One wall had the flat white board which Jamie had just finished cleaning. He left no inch of the board stained by black marker leaving the glossy surface to shine under the LED lights that shone above from the ceiling. The other three walls were encircled by workstations made from beautifully finished solid oak. Their immaculate charcoal coloured solid epoxy resin tops contrasted with the cream walls. Rows of wooden cabinets lined the wall above the work station on the either sides of the room. Several books, microscopes, large beakers, pipettes, and various three dimensional human anatomical models peaked out from the glass doors of those wooden cabinets. The far end of the class room had one large window. On each side of the window more open shelves adorned the wall with several more equipment and models. Several more old and new charts and diagrams were displayed wherever there was space available on the wall. The empty space in the centre of the room was filled with desks and dark blue coloured chairs. Jamie had made several rearrangements when he had first joined.

Satisfied with the tidiness of his class he returned his focus onto his desk which was clattered with reports, sheets of notes and two stacks of test sheets that required his immediate attention to grade them. Leaning behind in his chair he let out a sigh and titled his head to the side looking out the glass windows. The dull grey skies did nothing to appease him so he turned his attention to the rain drops that splattered on the glass before trailing drown the path. It had been three weeks since his divorce yet his mind was still muddled with thoughts of Elaine. The reason to his failed marriage still eluded him and kept him away from work during the days and from sleep at nights.

The sound of a firm knock jarred him from his thoughts. He furrowed his brows wondering who it was before giving permission to the person to enter. He sank back in his chair visibly relaxing when he saw it was his friend and colleague Declan. Declan and he taught at Lincoln Primary and higher secondary school for fourteen years now but have known each other since childhood. Jamie trusted Declan with his life.

“Alright there bud?”, he drawled as he closed the door behind him. He dragged one of the blue chair from the front row and placed it in front of Jamie’s desk before taking his seat and stretching his long legs before him. Jamie scowled at all the noise he made by dragging the chair which left a slight mark on the wooden floor.

“Couldn’t you lift the chair instead of dragging it?”, he grumbled. Declan grinned at him flashing his pearly white teeth.

“I see you haven’t graded those yet.”, he peeked at the stack of papers on the desk that were yet to be tainted with red marks.

“Yes I was trying to do just that before you traipsed into my class.”, Jamie replied testily. His cantankerous mood didn’t seem to faze his friend a bit thou as he gave him a cheeky smile as he adjusted his reading glasses on his long nose.

“You look like shit.”, he remarked.

“Thank you.”

“No really… I don’t understand what you’re so upset about mate. It’s not like you were in love with her. God knows there are days I wish I would wake up and find Roisin gone.”, he japed ignoring Jamie’s glare completely.

Roisin was Declan’s wife. Jamie adored her and thought that she was far too good for Declan. He hated it how after everything she had done for him he had the audacity to think of her that way. ‘Some people just don’t value what they have.’, he thought to himself.

“Is there a reason for this visit? I don’t really have time to chat right now.”, Jamie said ignoring his rising need to reprimand his friend.

“Ahhh…. Yes…. So I am sure you must be totally oblivious about the new pub- Calligan’s that has opened up just around the corner of the street where your house is. I thought we could visit it, get a drink or two in you. Who knows socialising might just help you.”, he pulled out his phone and began typing rapidly speaking.

“I can’t… I have to grade these papers.”, Jamie shook his head. Declan didn’t reply and instead seemed to be engrossed with his phone. His face reflected the light cast from his phone making his baby face look smoother than usual.

“You have an entire weekend to grade them. Maybe if you spent some time with others than you would be able to focus on your work.”, he shrugged looking up from his phone. Jamie seemed to consider it for a moment. It was true that he wasn’t going to be able to get any work done. He was merely using at an excuse to get out of an evening of drinks with pals. On the other hand Declan did have a point. Maybe some time out with his friends was exactly what he needed. He hadn’t met anyone since the divorce anyways.

Declan watched Jamie from under his lashes pretending to be fiddling with his phone. Jamie had his face turned towards the window probably giving his proposition some consideration. The white glow of the overhead lights accentuated Jamie’s features especially his angular nose. But what his eyes followed were the bags under his eyes and the scowl that seemed to be present almost always ever since Elaine had left him. He knew for a fact that Jamie never loved Elaine. He had vowed to never fall for anyone a long time ago. So what really bothered him so much was something he was not able to understand and Jamie wasn’t very forthcoming either on that matter. In fact he refused to talk about it to anyone. He watched as Jamie looked back at him and nodded slightly. What he said next left him slightly astonished.

“Alright. Just give me a few moments to sort these out.”, he sighed pushing himself from his seat. Jamie looked at his smiling face confused as he stood up and gave him a questioning look.

“Nothing mate. Just take that puss off your face, will ya!”, Declan shook his head and followed Jamie as he excited the classroom. Before leaving they went to Declan’s office briefly to pick up his coat and in a few minutes both were in Jamie’s car. Rains continued to pelt the SUV as it pulled out from the deserted parking lot of the school. Jamie had known about the pub, since it was right around the corner to his house, but he had never been there yet. He also hadn’t met his friends or spoken to them in a long while and as the car approached the pub he found himself looking forward to meeting them.

Warmth engulfed him as soon as he stepped into the pub which he gladly embraced. He gave his jacket a slight shake to let the droplets roll off of his jacket. He looked about the pub taking in the interiors. He suddenly felt like he had stepped into an art gallery. The white washed walls seemed to come to life with several paintings that lined them. They were mainly abstracts depicting the depths of the artist’s mind waiting to be deciphered, read and understood but there were also some pieces of figurative paintings, still life’s’, landscape and portrait paintings. The spotlights over the paintings made the colours a vibrancy that gave the art further life.

Jamie could feel eyes following his every movement but he tried to ignore as he made his way to the large circular dark brown oak bar. It surprised him to see so many people this early in the evening. He recognised each one of them and knew that they were probably whispering about him. After all his divorce was the most exciting thing to happen to this town in a long while other than the arrival of his strange neighbour. He chose a seat far from the others and the entrance. Declan kept following Jamie closely behind aware of the locals curious gazes and gossips. As much Jamie respected these people he also knew his best friend had low tolerance when it came to intrusion in personal matters and even lower threshold when it came to matters of his divorce with Elaine. Without any exchange of words or gesture the bartender, Christos, began filling two glasses with Guinness from the tap all the while staring at Jamie. Like the others Christos was well aware of both Jamie’s divorce and his hatred at being questioned over his personal life and so chose to not ask him anything over it. Jamie returned his stare to the stout man with receding hairline stood before him and waited for him to finish filling their drinks before he could ask the question that was on his mind.

“You quit Old Sal’s?”, he asked raising a single eye- brow.

“Well this place pays better.”, Christos shrugged like it was no big deal. For years Old Sal’s had given Christos a chance to earn his livelihood when no one in town would dare to. Jamie couldn’t believe that he would so easily give up his bar- tending job at Old Sal’s just for a measly few pennies more.

“Don’t look at me like that.”, Christos said chewing on the end of a tooth- pick.

“Old Sal took you in when no one would. Does that not mean anything to you?”, Jamie asked no longer masking his annoyance.

“Yes he did and that old man left no chance to remind the town or me of that. If anything he took advantage of me. Made me work double than rest of his staff and paid me half of it.”, he replied in his gruff voice. His grey eyes reflected the displeasure of Jamie’s unspoken accusation.

Without saying another word Jamie picked up his pint glass and left to find a secluded spot in the pub. Declan thanked Christos for the drink as he picked his up and followed Jamie all the while bristling silently at Christo’s fallacious account of the old man. It was true that Sal had been tough on Christos but it was only because the old man saw something in the tearaway boy that others didn’t. But the matter about pay was totally unsubstantial.

Jamie gave the bar another look. It was huge he had to give it. There was a section of wall painted a dark red splitting the pub into two sections. Beyond the wall he could see larger tables and chairs which he assumed were for larger groups or families. There were more paintings to admire on the red wall but they didn’t seem to have the finish or the artistic touch of a professional. In total the place was stupendous and far upscale for this part of the town.

“Stunning isn’t it?”, he heard Declan speak and turned to see his thoughts reflect on his friend’s face. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he realised why exactly his friend’s intentions had been with wanting to check out the new pub.

“You know who owns it?”, he asked.

“No one knows for sure but word is that the Dunne’s own it. Old man Rian opened it in honour of his daughter- in- law’s late father who was apparently also his good friend.”, Declan spoke in a low voice while his expression verged on mocking as if the farce was obvious.

“It could be true.”, Jamie supplied after a moment of silent debate with himself.

“Could be except we all know that Rian doesn’t honour any of his living family much less dead pals. Besides if he really wanted to honour his dead friend he could have had the pub opened up in the city. Why in this dead town?”, the math teacher reasoned.

Before Jamie could respond he felt a sharp pain as a fist collided with his jaw. He hadn’t seen it coming and he was totally unprepared for the force making him topple from his chair and fall to the ground landing on his hand. A collective gasp came from surprised patrons. Jamie groaned as a heavily booted foot crashed against his butt. Before he could move to defend himself a pair of hands grabbed his shirt collars lifting him up. Seconds later he was staring at yet another familiar face that was at the moment snarling at him.

“Son of a bitch!”, Shamus cursed. “I called you hundreds of times in the last week alone, came to visit you dozens of times even thou I knew you only pretended not to be home each time and now I find you in here of all the places chit chatting with him! You couldn’t even call and let me know that you’re done with your moping?”

Despite the throbbing pain in his jaw Jamie smirked. Shamus’s reaction came as no surprise considering how close they were to each other and how much he had been ignoring his attempts to reach him ever since his divorce. Shamus, Declan and he were thick as thieves. Growing up they did everything together and were present for each other in good and bad times but this time Jamie couldn’t see how they could understand what he was going through.

“Good to see you too buddy….”, he acknowledged straightening his collar which Shamus had let go. By now the others went back to minding their own business like nothing had happened. Even they were used to the unusual display of friendship amongst the three. Shamus put both his large hands against each of Jamie’s cheeks and seemed to assess his face.

“You look like shit!”, he said before patting his right cheek with force. While Shamus had been greeting Jamie in his own style Declan had sat in his spot both unperturbed and amused at the two. Shamus pulled an empty chair from a vacant table next to theirs and made himself comfortable.

“So what were you two women gossiping about?”, he asked lighting a cigarette. Jamie watched his friend light the wand of slow death with distaste but refrained from making any more futile attempts at chiding him.

“Nothing really. Just how extravagant this place is.”, Jamie rubbed his hand against his jaw that still throbbed.

“Leo here filled your ears I see.”, Shamus gave a disapproving shake of his head.

“You don’t believe something is going on here?”, Declan asked.

“I do believe something is going on. But it’s just in our heads.”, Shamus tapped his thick pointer finger against Declan’s forehead to emphasis his point.

“By the way how are you doing?”, he enquired with Jamie before taking a drag off his cigarette.

“Doing great!”, was Jamie’s sarcastic reply.

“When are the kids coming back? Aine has been going nuts answering the young one’s questions.”, Shamus narrowed his eyes at Jamie.

“I need time. I can’t deal with them right now.”, he replied letting out a breath before slouching in his chair.

“Well you need to deal with them at some point.”, he urged concerned at his friend’s defeated look.

“Mr Dornan!!”, Jamie cringed at the sweet lilting voice. While Declan and Shamus turned to look who it was he didn’t need to turn around to know exactly whom the voice belonged to. It was a voice he hadn’t heard in three weeks and would have been pleased to go on without having to encounter the person.

“Mr Dornan…. Are you ignoring me?”, Dakota came into view as she stood before him with her mouth split in a huge grin as her hands were fisted in a ball and resting on her hips. He could feel Declan’s and Shamus’ questioning looks but he chose to ignore them as he looked up to meet her eyes. She looked far normal then the other day in her black jeans and olive green hoodie. Even her straight hair was tied in a pony while her bangs covered her forehead. But her vibrant blue eyes looked strained, sad even.

“Dakota… You make it very hard to ignore you so how can I?”, he said not minding the quickening pace of his heart.

“Well how have you been Mr Dornan? I haven’t seen you in weeks.”, she asked. Dakota saw his eyes crinkle in irritation but it seemed to please her. In fact anything her middle aged neighbour did seemed to excite her. While the rest of the town including the men sitting next to her neighbour found her presence in town exotic but not her grumpy old neighbour.

“Good. Thank you.”, he replied evenly before turning his attention back to Shamus hoping she would leave. By now the others around the pub were staring at them even more curiously than before and it made him very uncomfortable.

Shamus couldn’t help but let his amusement show on his lips as it curled in a mischievous smile. He had been trying to talk to this mystery brunette ever since she tumbled into the ghost town and here she was trying to strike conversation with the apparent Mr Frost as he liked to refer his best friend.

“Dakota…. Have a seat.”, Declan offered. Instantly Dakota’s surprised blue eyes zoned in on him as his presence dawned on her for the first time.

“Mr Hayes! I didn’t notice you here!”, she exclaimed.

“I figured. Well Shammy and I have learnt to live in the shadows of Jamie.”, he winked at her causing her pale cheeks to turn a slight shade of pink.

“It’s nothing like that.”, she shook her head. Declan laughed and pulled yet another chair from nearby empty table completely disregarding Jamie’s glare.

“I didn’t know you were friends with Mr Dornan.”, she mused as she sat down. “Or Mr O’ Shea.”

“What’s with all the formalities? I think we have known each other long enough to be on first name basis I believe.”, Shamus drawled leaning forward on the table pretending to stub his cigarette in the ash tray that lay on the table. Immediately Dakota leaned back in her chair. For some reason Shamus made her very uncomfortable. It wasn’t nothing that he did as much as the aura he exuded. His burly body accompanied with rough- hewn features and menacing glitter his dark eyes held gave him a dangerous look. His thick lips that appeared to be set in a permanent snarl made even his smiles look intimidating.

An instinct much unfamiliar to Jamie kicked within him and he cleared his throat to divert Shamus’ attention away from Dakota. He glared at him yet again and this time Shamus heeded the underlying warning and leaned back in his chair. He turned to face her before his face would give away his emotions that crawled beneath his skin.

“What are you doing here all by yourself.”, he asked her.

“I came in here for a drink. Oh and also to donate some art.”, her face beamed at the last part.

“You paint?”, he asked raising an eyebrow.

“I would like to believe so Jamie. She teaches our kids art at our school.”, Declan provided.

“Yes…. I do paint. Wait…. What? Our school? What does that mean?”, Dakota looked between Declan and Jamie.

“Well he teaches there too. Didn’t he tell you?”, Shamus couldn’t help it but speak up.

“No way! Why haven’t I seen you until now?”, Dakota slapped the hardwood table before her suddenly excited. Jamie closed his eyes with the annoyance creeping in. Three weeks ago when she had mentioned she taught at the same school where he taught he hadn’t said anything although he knew eventually she would figure it out. Truth be told he had hoped he could get away with it for much longer but thanks to Declan that didn’t seem possible now.

“That’s because Mr Frost loves to sit and brood in his classroom.”, Declan replied for him.

“Where do you have your lunch?”, she looked at Jamie’s fists that were closed tightly before him on the table causing the veins in his outstretched arms to pop up. Pulling her lower lip between her teeth she peeked at him from beneath her thick lashes.

“In my office.”, Jamie replied like it was the obvious thing.

“Telling you. If boredom had a face that would be it.”, Declan pointed at Jamie’s face. While Declan and Shamus laughed Dakota leaned forward with her elbows resting on the table and her face resting on her palm as she eyed Jamie closely. His back was slouched as he seemed to concentrate on the pint glass that sat between his outstretched hands. Beads of condensation rolled off the glass joining at the base to form a ring of water around the base of the glass. His jaws were clenched tightly and his eyes seemed to have sunk in since the last time she had seen him at his house. Dakota remembered him mentioning his divorce. Seeing his haggard look she silently wondered why any woman would decide to leave behind a man who clearly loved her very much.

“I don’t think so. I think there is more to Mr Dornan than meets the eyes.”, she asserted after a thoughtful moment. Something about her tone made Declan and Shamus stop laughing and observe the two. Jamie too seemed to snap out of his reverie and look at Dakota with sudden interest. When his icy blue eyes met her pale blue ones she felt as if the condensation of the chilled drink had rolled down her spine. A silent gasp escaped her slightly parted lips. She could sense rather than see the pain that radiated from his eyes. To her it looked like he was battling with some emotion within himself but the next moment what he said felt like a hard slap across the face to her.

“Do me a favour. Stop being this nosy woman and stay away from me.”, he spat before pushing his chair behind forcefully. Getting up he stormed out of the pub leaving his friends and neighbour stunned.

“Hey… you alright?”, Dakota felt a warm large hand wrap hers which was on the table. She tore her gaze from the door through which Jamie had just left and looked at Declan for some sort of explanation. She didn’t understand what she had said that made him react the way he did.

“It’s not your fault. He got divorced from his wife of twelve years just recently and he’s been upset over it.”, Declan offered but it did nothing to appease her.

“I should get going.”, she stood picking up her bag that had held her art piece. Declan wanted to stop her but he just gave a sad smile as he nodded his head.

“What the hell is wrong with Jamie? I had never seen him talk that way with a woman before.”, Declan asked soon after Dakota left.

“I think I know perfectly well what’s going on with that Eejit!”, Shamus smirked which earned a confused look from the math teacher.

#love #life #dakota johnson #jamiedornan #dakotamayijohnson #romance #alternate universe #fanfic #drama

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