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sixhours · 5 months ago

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i know you by heart - chapter 2

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Prospect, Joel Miller x Ezra, Joel & Ellie, Ezra & Cee, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Ellie is a little shit (affectionate), mostly follows canon after season 1, SMUT, gay sex, bisexual!Joel, period-typical homophobia, light angst, romance, age gap (~10ish years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

When Joel was 17, he kissed a boy for the first time.

His name was Kenny Farmington, and they were both a little drunk on cheap beer and a nice Texas night and the special high that comes from being not quite a man and not quite a boy, stuck in that in-between time when it felt like anything was possible. Joel had a truck and a part-time job at Regis Construction and his whole life spread out before him like an open road.

It was a nice enough kiss. But when Joel opened his eyes after their lips parted and saw fear rather than lust in his friend’s eyes, he knew it ended there. Everyone knew Kenny’s dad was a raging homophobe who would “whoop his ass” if he thought his son might be “one of them dirty fuckin’ faggots”.

Joel wasn’t convinced his own father wouldn’t have had something to say about it had he known.

And, oh well. Joel liked girls, too. He liked them enough to bring Eileen Folsom home and make out with her in the basement rec room at her parents’ house until his cock was weeping and his balls were blue. He liked them well enough to get to third base with Cindy Sherwood in the back of his truck. He liked girls plenty.

It was the eighties, anyway. AIDS was spreading like wildfire, and small-town Texas was hardly the place to go looking for action if you weren’t straight as a goddamn arrow.

Four years later, Joel liked one particular girl enough to knock her up, and then he didn’t have much time to consider whether he’d want to kiss another boy, because he was going to be a father.

And then there was Sarah. And a divorce. And his parents died. And Tommy went off to war and came back, and there was overtime and working doubles to keep the roof over their heads and the payment on the truck up, and who the fuck had time to think about boys or girls or anyone in between.

And then there was cordyceps. And his daughter, his baby girl, bleeding out in his arms.

And then Joel didn’t spend much time thinking about what he liked at all. He kept going for the ones who needed him without a thought spared for himself.

And then came Ellie.

Ellie, who patched up his heart and turned his life upside down and made him care about something other than brute survival again. Tore down his walls and broke him open and somehow left him whole.

Whole, and…wanting.

Which is why, forty years after Kenny Farmington, he doesn’t feel bad about imagining another man’s face, or hands, or lips on his body when he strokes himself in the shower. He doesn’t feel ashamed when he gets off to the thought of another man’s mouth on his cock. It’s not the first time he’s been attracted to a man, and it won’t be the last.

No, he feels bad because that man is his daughter’s fucking therapist. That man is someone she needs to trust, someone she raves about over dinner, someone who is, in her words, “so fucking cool”.

And his duty, first and foremost, is to Ellie.

So he tries not to imagine Ezra when his libido comes roaring back to life after years of dormancy, boiling his blood and making him feel half his age.

And he fails, miserably.

He comes out of his own bad dreams to hers more often than not. Sometimes she calls for Riley, sometimes for him, and sometimes she just screams.

Tonight it’s the latter, and he’s across the hall and through her door in seconds, a reflex perfected over months.

“Hey, Ellie,” he mumbles, only half conscious. “Ellie, you’re okay.”

“He was–he–I can’t breathe ,” she chokes out, panting in short, wispy breaths.

“Yeah, y’can, in and out,” he says. “Like we practiced. C’mon, you got it. Breathe, baby girl.”

“Can’t,” she gasps, but he feels her back expand and contract under his palm, the movements slowing as each subsequent breath gets longer. He folds her into his arms and rubs her back the way she likes and whispers assurances into her hair as her panicked gasps turn into sobs.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay, baby, you’re alright.”

In these moments, she goes from being the smart-mouthed, sassy little shit he loves to a scared, vulnerable little kid. He prefers her bratty. This is too much like those brutal winter days when they came so close to losing each other.

Eventually, she sniffs and scoots over so he can stretch out next to her on top of the covers. He puts his arm out so she can curl into him, one hand gripping his t-shirt at his side. He swears all his sleep shirts are stretched out funny; even after washing, they hold the imprint of her fingers.

They both sleep better this way, though neither of them will admit it. She swears she’s too old to snuggle and he worries what people might think. But after months on the road, after so many nights camped out next to each other in the dirt, the comfort of someone else’s breathing makes for a powerful lullaby.

“Bad one?” he asks, tracing the line of her temple with his thumb.

“They’re all bad ones,” she mutters into his chest. “Wish I wasn’t like this.”

“Like what?”

“All…broken and shit.”

“We’re all pretty fuckin’ broken, kiddo.”

“Yeah, but I’m like, extra broken.”

He swallows hard, wonders how many times he’s dreamed of a vast field bordered by blocked highways, the sound of helicopters overhead, gunfire in the distance. The smell of blood.

“Know it feels like that…but it’ll get better,” he whispers, hugging her tightly, wondering if it counts as a lie. “Jus’ takes time.”

He’s almost dozed off when she speaks again, her voice low and distant.

“I don’t belong here.”

His brow furrows. “What d’you mean?”

She doesn’t answer. He can’t imagine a world in which she doesn’t belong with him, can’t imagine a life where she isn’t exactly where she is right now. Knowing how close they came to that reality, just the thought is enough to set his heart to racing.

Swear to me.

“What do you mean, kiddo?” he prompts.

“Nothing,” she murmurs. “S’nothing, never mind.”

“Look, Ellie–”

“It’s fine, Joel. I’m just…tired,” she mumbles, nuzzling into his chest. “Don’t wanna talk.”

“Alright,” he whispers, cupping the back of her head. “Alright, then. Get some sleep.”

She does, and he doesn’t. He stares at the opposite wall and listens to her breathe and wonders if he will ever not feel like he’s failing her.

Ellie doesn’t offer much about her weekly appointments with Ezra and Joel doesn’t ask. Instead, she talks about the music they listened to (“None of that Linda Ronstadt shit.”) and begs Joel for a record player. He swaps one of his refurbished guitars for a small portable model at the trading post, and Ezra sends her home with new records each week.

There’s a lot of Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and AC/DC, all played at a volume that Joel might find concerning if he wasn’t already half deaf.

Late November comes and she hasn’t had a nightmare in two weeks. She still grumbles about going to school, still talks back and swears like a goddamn sailor, but there are no more pink slips and she hasn’t stabbed any more desks. Or students.

Small favors.

They’re walking into the Saturday movie together before he sees Ezra again.

“What’re they playin’?” Joel asks.

“It’s a Wonderful Life," Ellie chirps. "It’s black and white, a classic.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Just ‘cause it’s in black and white don’t make it a classic.”

“Thought you’d like it that way. Means it’s old as dirt, like you.”

“Was born in ‘67, you little shit,” he grumbles. “We had color movies.”

“Whatever you say, grandpa.”

Ellie drags him into the rec center, eager to claim one of the big couches at the back so she can sprawl out and hog three-quarters of the damn thing.

“I save seats, you get popcorn,” she says. Joel makes a show of rolling his eyes at being bossed around, but this is part of the routine. He makes his way to the table with the little wax bags of popcorn and grabs two. He doesn’t like the stuff, it gets stuck in his teeth, but she’ll eat his portion. That’s also part of the routine.

He gets back to the couch and motions for her to scoot over. “I get the corner.”

She obliges, then takes her usual seat, propped against his right side in a heartbreakingly familiar position.

“Don’t fall asleep this time,” he mutters, handing her the popcorn.

“As if,” she scoffs.

“You did last week.”

“Yeah, ‘cause it was one of those stupid action movies.”

“ Die Hard is not a stupid action movie,” Joel grumbles. “You wanna talk about Christmas classics.”

“You’re kidding, right? What part of ‘dude spends two boring-ass hours climbing through air vents’ makes Die Hard a Christmas movie?”

Before he can make his case for Bruce Willis, she catches sight of someone across the room and gasps.

“Hey, Ezra! Over here!”

She jumps up and waves, eliciting a faint smile from the man as he approaches. “Hello, my young prodigy. And…just Joel.”

Joel nods in greeting; his tongue suddenly doesn’t want to cooperate.

“Sit with us,” she says, scooting closer to Joel and patting the seat.

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Ezra says, eyes flicking uncertainly to Joel’s, but Ellie is already pulling him down on her other side.

“Plenty of room,” Joel coughs. “S’no trouble.”

As soon as Ezra’s butt hits the seat, Ellie begins chattering about Christmas movies as Ezra listens with rapt attention. Joel catches only a fraction of their conversation–he blames his bad ear and the rumble of the crowd filing in around them–but he can’t help but watch the two with an unexpected feeling of relief. It’s clear she’s made a friend.

The opening credits start and Ellie turns back to Joel, tucking herself under his arm. She munches on her popcorn until it’s gone, at which point Joel wordlessly hands her his share.

He’s never liked It’s a Wonderful Life , even less so after Sarah’s death. They watched it every Christmas at her insistence. He thought it was dumb then, and twenty years and an apocalypse have done nothing to change his opinion. But for Ellie, he’ll watch just about anything, one arm draped over the back of the couch as she cuddles up against him.

Halfway through the movie, with their empty popcorn bags discarded on the floor, Ellie is curled up against Joel’s leg, head pillowed on his thigh, breathing deeply.

“Told ya not to fall asleep,” he murmurs, but he doesn’t try to move or wake her, reaching down to stroke her hair instead. Movie nights are good for something, even if it means suffering through Jimmy Stewart’s manufactured crisis.

When he looks up again, Ezra’s attention has drifted from the movie to watch them, a soft expression on his face. Their eyes meet and he smiles a little and Joel feels that warm flush creep up his neck.

He’s used to people avoiding him. Walking around with his scowl and his “asshole voice”, as Ellie calls it. It worked in the QZ and it works in Jackson. He’s known for being gruff and stoic and taking no bullshit. He saves his smiles for Ellie’s shitty puns.

If that makes him an asshole, so be it.

But Ezra clearly hasn’t gotten the message, and Joel doesn’t know what to make of that.

When the movie is over, he rouses Ellie with a gentle flick to her ear. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Mmmph,” she growls. “Didn’t fall asleep, asshole.”

“Sure, kid,” he mutters. “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

She makes it to her feet, rubbing her eyes, and lets Joel help her with her jacket, one of the sleeves having turned inside out in her rush to claim the couch.

“Bye, Ezra,” she yawns.

“Goodnight, young prodigy. Joel,” he nods, those warm brown eyes lingering. He opens his mouth as if to say something else, but doesn’t, and then Ellie is pulling Joel into the exiting crowd.

They’re eating dinner at the caf next week when Ellie brings him up again.

“Ezra wants you.”

Joel chokes on a bite of stew. “W-what?”

“Chew much?” Ellie raises an eyebrow. “I said, Ezra wants to see you.”

“Oh, right, uh…why does…Ezra wanna see me?” he coughs, reaching for his water.

“My last session’s on Wednesday. He wants to ‘check in’ or whatever.”

“Oh…right…fine,” Joel says, pulse suddenly a nagging throb in his throat. “I’ll, uh…I’ll drop by tomorrow before patrol.”

“Tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“Yeah?” Joel stabs at a carrot. “So?”

“Sooooo he’s not in on Sundays.”

“M’sure he can spare five minutes,” Joel mutters.

“Whatever, dude,” Ellie shrugs. “Oh, hey–Dina invited me to go with her and Jesse after stable duty. They’re gonna show me around the south quad; the sheep pasture. Your favorite.”

“Dina…Dina,” Joel mutters, thinking. “Wait, ain’t that the one who–”

“Yeah,” Ellie says, blushing a little. “She’s kinda cool when she’s not being a fucking jerk.”

Joel hides his smile in his mug. “Alright. Just be careful an’ get back here for dinner.”

“Sir, yes sir,” she says through a mouthful of potatoes, throwing in a little mock salute.

This time, he doesn’t bother hiding his smile.

He finds himself on Ezra’s doorstep the next morning. Faint music drifts from inside and by the time he finally works up the courage to knock, Ezra is peering at him from the other side of the glass, half-naked and toweling his hair dry.

“Oh, uh…hey. I, uh–”

Joel tells himself the cold December air accounts for the sudden flush of color in his cheeks. Ezra’s torso is still slick from the shower, a pair of gray sweats hanging low on narrow hips. His bare chest, much like Joel’s, is dappled with scars. He finds himself entranced by a drop of water that escapes a dark curl and lands on his neck, slipping down the length of his throat and settling on one firm pectoral. Joel bites the inside of his lower lip hard.

Maybe Sunday was a bad idea.

“Joel! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

And maybe Joel is reading too much into it, but the way Ezra’s face lights up makes him think it is a pleasure.

“Uh…I can come back–”

But the other man has already opened the door and is ushering him inside. “Nonsense, come in.”

“Ellie said you wanted, uh…needed to see me?”

“I did! I do. ”

The strains of a Tom Petty song float from the office. Ezra ducks in and stops the player with a light needle scratch.

“Coffee? It’s not the genuine article, I’m afraid, just chicory, but I brewed more than enough for two.”

“Uh…sure. Thanks.”

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll return posthaste.”

‘Posthaste.’ Jesus.

Joel stands at the door of the little office with his hands in his pockets, slowly taking in the room with fresh eyes. He’s drawn to the record shelf. Curious, he thumbs lightly through the stacks of vinyl, finding an eclectic mix of basically everything. There’s even some of “that Linda Ronstadt shit”.

“Your young prodigy prefers Pearl Jam,” Ezra says from the doorway, startling Joel a little. “I’m trying to broaden her horizons a bit.”

He’s put on a t-shirt, his hair still tousled and damp around his ears, and he holds out a steaming mug of chicory coffee.

“Thanks,” Joel takes it gruffly, sips at it, burns his tongue, sputtering and making a damn fool of himself in the process. “Yeah, she’s, uh…she’s really impressed with your collection.”

“We’ve had quite the musical education,” Ezra smiles, that same boyish grin. “I’ve enjoyed her company immensely over these last few weeks, I have to say.”

“Uh…good,” Joel says. “She, uh, said you needed me for somethin’?”

“Sure, sure. Have a seat.”

Joel does, setting his mug down on the coffee table as Ezra does the same.

“The council mandated twelve weeks; our last appointment is coming up. I just wanted to convey my deep appreciation for–”

The office door, slightly ajar, is suddenly flung open.

“Ez, I’m gonna–whoa.”

A lanky, blonde-haired girl, not much older than Ellie by Joel’s estimation, rushes into the room, then stops short. She blinks at Joel and grimaces in apology.

“Door was open,” the girl says.

“We’re not–I’m not working, Cee,” Ezra says. “Cee, this is Joel. Joel, Cee.”

“Hi,” Cee says. “Sorry, I just…I’m at the greenhouse today. ‘Til six.”

Ezra nods. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, birdie.”

And then she’s gone with a wave and a “later” over her shoulder, and Ezra’s smile softens.

“I have a young prodigy of my own,” he murmurs. “You aren’t the only one to take in a stray.”

“Your kid?”

“No…no, not exactly. I’m afraid I don’t share your fatherly tendencies,” he muses. “Fellow travelers, let’s say. She’s helped me out of a scrape or two, and I do the same when I can. We make a formidable team…as do you and your Ellie, I believe.”

Joel bites his lip. When they were on the road, he would have said they made a good team. Now he’s not so sure.

“Right, uh…you were sayin’, about Ellie?”

Ezra smiles and relaxes back into his chair.

“Joel, I think your young prodigy is quite possibly the sanest person alive in the town of Jackson. She has a knack for seeing things exactly as they are, and the soul of someone twice her age. It’s truly…remarkable. It’s evident she’s endured some trauma, but she has a strong constitution.”

Joel braces himself for the inevitable “but”.

She won’t behave. She swears too much. She’s too loud.

She needs someone who can take care of her, and you’re not cutting it.

You’re failing her.

“But…?”

Ezra raises an eyebrow, shrugs. “That’s it. I know from some…personal experience,” he says, eyes flicking toward the office door, “that it’s sometimes difficult for a man to know where he stands with these things. For what it’s worth, you’re doing a fine job with her.”

Joel snorts softly. “Yeah, right.”

“I am wholeheartedly serious,” the other man says. “I’m sure she’s awash in the usual teenage reticence, but in present company, she speaks of you fondly. She tells me she’s lucky to have you, perhaps not in so many words, but it’s there. And I’d agree. She is lucky to have you, Joel.”

Joel blinks, surprised to feel the prickle of tears in the corners of his eyes, the sudden overwhelming relief of it. He ducks his head.

“That’s…uh…that’s good,” Joel manages. “She’s, uh…”

He can’t finish, his tongue feels stuck in his mouth. Ezra nudges a basket of handkerchiefs across the coffee table, and Joel almost laughs aloud at the absurdity. A year ago, if someone told him he’d be crying in a therapist’s office he would have shot them point blank and slept like a damn baby after.

She’s my whole damn world.

She deserves better.

“She’s a good kid,” he finishes thickly.

“Indeed. For the purposes of the council’s involvement, I don’t think she’s a danger to herself or others,” Ezra continues. “And that’s what I’ll be putting in my report.”

“Alright. That’s…that’s real good,” Joel sighs.

He swipes a cloth from the basket and rubs at his eyes. It’s like taking his first breath of air after drowning. For the first time since arriving in Jackson, he thinks maybe she’s going to be fine. They might just make it through.

Ezra gets up and Joel does the same, crumpling the cloth and stuffing the evidence into his pocket.

“Before you go, would you humor me?” Ezra says. “There’s something I like to do with my clients. Not that you’re a client, but…I’d like to satisfy a certain…curiosity.”

He goes to the record shelf and begins thumbing through the albums as if looking for something specific. Eventually, he pulls one down, examining it thoughtfully before turning and bringing it over.

“Give this a listen,” Ezra murmurs. “Tell me what you think. A…musician’s opinion.”

Butterflies alight in Joel’s stomach at the timbre of his voice. That wanting is back, filling in for the weight of the anxiety he’s carried for so many months. Ezra watches Joel’s face with an odd kind of quiet, as if searching for something.

If Joel didn’t know better, he’d think he was nervous.

“Uh, sure,” he says, accepting the album after a too-long pause. “I’ll…let you know.”

And then the moment is gone, and Joel is leaving, record tucked under one arm, half relieved, half longing, and entirely confused.

Later, he sneaks into Ellie’s room to borrow the record player. He takes it to his room, plugs it in, and unsheathes the album.

Eva Cassidy, Songbird .

Joel recognizes the title track, but it’s a softer rendition, softer than any of the music Ellie has brought home and blasted at top volume.

The woman’s soulful, sweet voice draws him in. It’s almost sad. It’s the kind of music that reminds him of Sarah, something she would have asked him to play on the rare nights he was home with enough time to do so. Something she would have sung along with in her soft soprano voice.

Midnights in winter

The glowing fire

Lights up your face in orange and gold

I see your sweet smile

Shine through the darkness

It's line is etched in my memory

So I'd know you by heart

Before long, he’s reaching for his guitar and replacing the needle to repeat the track, frowning as he tries to suss out the key and the chord progression.

Ellie finds him that way sometime later, perched on the edge of the bed with his guitar in his lap.

“Joel, where’d the record pl–oh, hey.”

“Hey, kiddo,” he says, blinking into the dim light. “Sorry…guess I lost track of time. Got caught up here.”

“What is it?”

“Oh, uh…saw Ezra today. He gave me this,” he gestures to the record. “Thought I’d try to play a little.”

She narrows her eyes. “Did you guys talk about me?”

“Yep,” he says, setting the guitar aside. “Ezra told me all the dirt on you.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Said you’re a menace to society. Should lock you up and throw away the key.”

Ellie grins. “Did not.”

“Did too,” Joel smirks. “Said you’re crazier than a squirrel in a nuthouse. Loonier than a lake full of…uh, loons.”

She giggles, music to his ears. “Shut up.”

He has the sudden, desperate desire to pull her in for a hug and ruffle her hair. He settles for giving her shoulder a squeeze.

“How ‘bout we go get some dinner?” he says, standing and propping Songbird up on his dresser for safekeeping. “My treat.”

“You mean the caf’s treat, asshole. And I want my record player back.”

“Who says it’s yours? Don’t see your name on it.”

“Dude, c’mon .”

“So…what do you know about this Ezra guy?”

It’s Christmas Eve, and they’re sitting at the table in Tommy and Maria’s kitchen. It’s been over a week since his conversation with Ezra. He hasn’t been able to get the other man out of his mind, and he definitely doesn’t know what to make of the record album sitting on his bedroom dresser.

Tommy frowns. “Ezra…Ezra…that the one without an arm?”

“Uh-huh.”

A shrug. “Gettin’ hard to keep track, lot of new folks comin’ through. Think he came in a few months ‘fore you, though. Had a girl with him, that much I remember. Why?”

He takes a sip of his beer. “Just curious, s’all. Ellie was seein’ him for the stuff that happened at school. What’d he do before?”

Giggles float in from the living room. Out of the corner of his eye, Joel watches Ellie sitting on the floor next to the tree–her first Christmas ever , she’d eagerly tell anyone who would listen–playing with baby Isabel while Maria dozes on the couch. All of them are stuffed full of a holiday meal that might have been a week’s worth of rations in the QZ.

Sometimes Jackson feels like a mirage in the desert. It’s almost too normal, too safe to be real.

“Think they broke off from a raidin’ party. Honestly, I don’t think we would’ve taken them in ‘cept the girl was in rough shape. Thought maybe he was…y’know…usin’ her or somethin’.”

Joel winces, shoots his brother a knowing look. They’d seen worse.

“But she insisted. Vouched for him,” Tommy continues. “Bit of an odd pair. Just like you and Ellie, I guess.”

“Hmm.”

“Why you askin’?”

He can’t meet his brother’s eyes. “No reason.”

“He’s an odd one but seems harmless. Or harmless enough. Talks fancy,” he mutters. “His kid’s a bit shy but smart as a whip. Reminds me of–”

Tommy stops abruptly, glancing at Joel from the corner of his eye as he takes a long swallow of beer.

“You can say her name, y’know,” Joel murmurs, frowning, scratching at an invisible spot on the table’s surface. “Sarah.”

“Sarah,” Tommy nods, then continues softly, “To be fair, big brother, there was a time when I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, well…things change,” Joel mutters.

He still can’t look at his niece without thinking of her, can’t hold her without feeling the weight of one who didn’t make it on his heart.

But at least he can say her damn name.

“An’ cheers to that,” Tommy smiles, lightly clinking his bottle against Joel’s. “How’s Ellie doin’, anyway?”

He tips his head toward the living room.

“Better,” Joel says, surprised to find he means it. “Think she’s settlin’ in alright.”

“She’s warmin’ up to me,” Tommy grins. “I know she’s been a little prickly. But the other day she caught me at the stables to ask about goin’ on patrols.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“She’s gotta be sixteen to start trainin’…and she needs your permission. Mighta told her that wouldn’t be a problem,” he grins. “Told her I could sweet talk you into just about anythin’.”

Joel rolls his eyes. “Christ.”

“Offered to take her out at some point if it’s alright with you. Just her and me. Said she’d think about it. That’s somethin’, right?”

The hopeful note in his voice is almost heartbreaking. Sarah and her uncle had been thick as thieves, and Tommy’s eagerness to fill that role for Ellie radiated off him like heat off the pavement in a Texas July. He’d been standing on their doorstep two days after they’d come back to Jackson, ready to be the best damn uncle there ever was.

But Ellie was like a feral cat, slow to warm and quick to bite. Didn’t matter that Tommy was family, didn’t matter that Joel trusted him more than anyone else in Jackson, didn’t matter that Tommy would have let her get away with murder if she asked nice. Whether out of jealousy or fear, she’d resisted his careful advances and bribes.

“Yeah…that’s somethin’,” Joel agrees, smirking.

“How ‘bout you?”

“How ‘bout me what?”

“How’re you settlin’ in?”

Joel snorts. “You sound like Ezra.”

“Yeah? Well…couldn’t hurt to make some friends, maybe.”

“M’fine, Tommy.”

Tommy shrugs. “Just sayin’. If you’re not careful, Maria’ll try to set you up. Likes to think she’s a matchmaker with all that spare time of hers.”

Joel tries and fails to hide a shudder. Yeah, he’s noticed the attention. It’s a small town with an even smaller dating pool, and he might as well be fresh meat thrown into the lion’s den. Ellie gets a kick out of watching him squirm when women approach him at the caf, is all too eager to string them along on his behalf when she really wants to be a shit-stirrer.

His asshole voice gets plenty of use.

Maybe if it were the right person…well. That would be a different story, one that makes him think of the album on his dresser again.

But he’s sure as hell not gonna tell Tommy any of that.

“M’not lookin’ for anything,” he mutters instead, sipping at his beer. “Got my hands full with that one.”

Ellie sits with the baby in her lap. They’ve turned their attention to the packages under the tree. Joel watches as Ellie picks up the presents one by one, checking the tags and shaking them, then offering them to Izzy to chew on. Tomorrow, half the presents will be sticky with drool and tiny teeth marks.

“You sure do, brother,” Tommy chuckles. “You sure do.”

#the last of us fanfic #joel miller fanfic #ezra prospect #prospect fanfic #tlou fanfic #joel and ellie #joel x ezra #happy father's day from our two favorite gay dads

24 notes · View notes

dragonagehumor · 5 months ago

Note

Not sure if you ship Dorian and The Iron Bull from DA:I but have a small scene I thought of for them. Though I feel that you could sub your Inky in if you wanted too.

So not sure if it's a line from a song but I think so. "I'm better as a memory than as your man." Well The Iron Bull says that line to Dorian at some point when the realness of their relationship scares him.

Dorian yells at him. "And why does everyone else always get to decide what's right for me. You will be just like all the others who decided they wanted to be respected so kept me a secret then left me behind with only memories to comfort me. Go ahead The Iron Bull and leave like all the rest of the Tevinter cowards."(yes the tevinter remark is just there as a bard to Bull and not me being confused).

Ironic he says that because he is the one who leaves. Swiftly walks to his private room. The library is now tainted with this new memory.

Bull has to search to find Dorian because he avoids the library. The Iron Bull then proceeds to apologize and admit that he was just scared of how much he feels for Dorian. They hug and/or smooch and/or more.

Random Idea I had at 1 am and wanted to see what others thought of it. So any opinions?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

Had to look that one up, and you’re correct, it is a line from a Kenny Chesney song song titled “Better As a Memory”.

That kind of fear can be substituted for any other person. Some people are afraid that if they fully commit, they’ll get hurt. And with Bull, he’s had an interesting life, and maybe he thinks he would drag Dorian down somehow if he committed. And Dorian isn’t willing to stick around if it’s going to hurt.

It could be the Inquisitor easily in this scenario. I read a lot of romance books, and it sounds like a typical third act type scene in quite a few of them featuring committment-phobes!

#notdragonagehumor #dah replies #iron bull #dorian pavus

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adampage · 2 years ago

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post match, part 2

Word Count: 737

Characters: Hangman Adam Page, Jon Moxley

Part 2 to Post Match, part 1. |Click here to read both parts on AO3 instead!|

Warnings: nothing much for this chapter? if you read the first part, there were more warnings for that one.

Author’s Note: wanted to post before Dynamite tonight so here it is :)

Walking into that room was the hardest thing Hangman had ever done. The moonsaults off balconies, taking sides in the Elite civil war, putting the Bucks down at Revolution, putting Kenny down at Full Gear, the Texas deathmatches…none of them were as hard as this moment — taking a deep breath in time with his foot crossing the threshold, looking up at the man he’d beaten and wondering what lay in the depths of those blue eyes.

Mox was taking a deep swig from a water bottle, eyes raised up towards the ceiling. Hangman caught a glimpse of Mox’s blond lashes, and the breath he’d taken knocked out of him completely, and suddenly he was on the floor, on his knees, dropping his entire body between Mox’s open legs. He hit the side of the table between them, eyes on the grey carpet, his clammy hands grasping at jis thighs. “Jon…” escaped his lips, breathless.

“Ace.”

Adam couldn’t look up. He couldn’t. He found he much preferred the hard line of the table at his forehead. He knew Mox was fine and yet…

“Mox, I am so s-”

He felt rough fingers tangle in his hair, stopping him mid-sentence, tugging him back, so that he was forced to look up, to look at him. It wasn’t…done with malice. The eyes that stared back at him weren’t wrought with spite, or anger, or even annoyance, which was the least that Adam had expected. Maybe pity. Maybe that was it.

The fingers tapped at the base of his skull, at the nape of his neck, so Hangman pushed himself up, face to face now with the man he’d hurt.

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

Right, of course. Should’ve listened to Ortiz.

“I-,” Adam stammered, “I-I know you don’t, but-” the fingers loosened against his skull, and somehow that made this worse. It was all he’d been focusing on, unable to allow his eyes to focus on Mox’s baby blues, not wanting to behold them, not good enough to behold them, but it was too late because now Mox’s fingers were gone and the tightness at his temples disappeared and he had nothing left to hold onto and then suddenly his eyes met Jon’s and it was like he was drowning, drowning and somehow falling into them, so disoriented that he couldn’t tell which way was up, but all he knew is that he needed to catch himself, catch his breath before he choked on nothing -

Mox’s lips crashed on his own, and it was like the speed at which he was falling slowed. He melted into Mox’s kiss, a fire igniting inside him. A rough hand back at his neck, another in his hair, pulling him in, drawing him close. The knot in his chest loosened, and it felt like he could breathe again, even though he couldn’t. The warmth of Mox’s wet lips was enough relief to satisfy his senses, to pull him back down, floating now, softly, back to earth. His hands were on Mox’s thighs now, and they spread invitingly as their tongues engulfed one another. Closer, closer, he seemed to say, as if they were to become one.

It was only then that Adam pulled back in surprise. His eyebrows peaked, his gaze and his fingers dropping to the hair at Mox’s chest. “Wha-“ he said, breathless and heaving, “what are you doing?” His fingers clenched around a tuft of chest hair, tightly.

“Gettin’ you to shut up.”

Hangman’s eyebrows couldn’t stitch themselves any closer together. “I don’t understand.” Maybe you aren’t angry, but I don’t know what this is.

Mox let out a little huff, looking away from him for a moment. This guy, it seemed to say. “I thought you were smarter than me. Talked a big game.” He rolled his eyes, when Hangman’s eyes stared back at him without so much as a hint of comprehension. “There’s no nuance about it, babe. I’ve been wantin’ to do that for months.”

“You…wanted…to kiss…me?” Hangman’s voice hitched at the last word, nearly breaking.

“Sure,” Mox shrugged, as if this were known information.

A blush crept up on Adam’s cheeks. “Sorry, I just,” he huffed, “I find that hard to believe, is all.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to keep kissing you until you do.”

He pulled Adam back in for another kiss, grinning at Hangman’s small gasp of surprise.

#hangman adam page fanfiction #jon moxley fanfiction #aew fanfiction #mine #my fics

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empressofthesunwriter · 1 year ago

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The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 3: First Summon, Gas-Mask, and Drug Dealers, oh my!

You guys 'member when in the last chapter I said how this game would be a full Final Fantasy rip-off if I can summon in the future something?

Well, guess what happened?

At first, me and Leo just enter City Wok, because I got the munchies and wanted to check out the noodle soups of this place.

Somehow we got robbed into beating up a lot of little Mongolian kids in the Tower of Peace since the parents of them have conquered Mr. Kim, the owner of City Wok, the week before.

Then we had to beat up the parents.

I admit I felt kind of like Mulan doing this.

Also, I got a new kickass bow.

Yet, how in the name of Isis, is the whole city involved in the whole LARPing these kids here do?

Anyway, for beating up all the Mongolians, Mr. Kim not only became my Facebook friend, but he also gave me a little Gong so I can call him to beat up my enemies.

Besides bosses.

Since they are too tough.

Again, I ask how this works?

I think I have just to try it, then I will see.

South Park is the weirdest town I ever lived and I have a feeling I haven’t even seen the weirdest shit yet!

After this little adventure, we finally reach Jimbo’s Gun. Behind the counter is a tall chubby man in hunter gear and a shorter guy with sunglasses, who only has one arm.

These two make just only for the looks an interesting duo.

“Well hello there Jimbo and Ned!”, greets Leo cheerfully.

I give them a nod.

“Afternoon gentlemen.”

“Well! What brings you here today? Business or pleasure? Or vengeance?”, ask the chubby guy, which Leo whispers is Jimbo.

“Sweet, sweet vengeance!”, I answer with a maniac chuckle, which only seems to disturb Leo.

Jimbo and Ned just grin.

“You've come to the right place.”, tells me Ned, speaking into a voice box.

He sounds like a robot!

If he had the voice of the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future I would have been sooooo happy. Then again I’m not currently playing a children’s card game and trying to attack someone with Obelisk the Tormenter.

Torment.

“Howdy there!”, Jimbo’s voice shakes me of my thought. “Haven't seen you before. You must be the new kid that moved to town - and you're into huntin', huh?! Well, my boy, you've come to the right place!”

Again, I’m currently Link, but again someone doesn’t see I’m not a boy. Or my cosplay is more than amazing, or there is something in the water that makes the people here stupid.

Well nearly everyone.

I try to correct Jimbo, but against his talking like a raging river, I can’t get a word out.

I only get that he has something against Democrats, wants to sell me a book about hunting here in South Park and oh, he can sell some weapons to me.

At this, my eyes check the counter before us and I see it.

A beautiful katana.

Oh hell yeah, time to get my Demon Slayer game on!

“I want a gas mask, this beautiful Katana, and sure give me this hunting book.”, I tell Jimbo.

“Oh, sure New Kid, but your level is too low for the Katana.”

…What?

“It’s so unfair!”, I cry at Leo, waving the gas mask around.

“We will get the Katana later for you N.K., you just have to level up a bit.”, he reassures me.

We are on our way back to the Security Guard and I can’t even enjoy that I will be ready for this motherfucker because Jimbo and Ned are part of the whole shikt with levels for weapons like us kids.

I want the Katana now!

Not when this whole game is nearly over!

I need to come up with a plan to get it!

Mmh, maybe I can buy it normally if I go to the shop with my normal clothes on…?

Sadly I can’t try it right now, since it’s time to kick someone in the Kuribohs.

I pull the gas mask on my face and command practically: “Leo, you let me handle this. This asshole will feel all of my burning rage!”

“O-Okay.”

So I stalk over to the Security Guard and call: “Hey, pigheaded, dickless, lurd of tard, I’m back!”

He doesn’t waste time to pepper spray again, but this time nothing happens.

I see the fear in his eyes and it is delicious like chocolate.

“What the fuck? Oh NO!”

“OH YES!”

I don’t wait that we get transported to the battleground ala Final Fantasy. I make my promise come true and kick him with all my might in the Kuribos!

Aka. his balls.

He falls down, clutching his jewels, whimpering pathetically.

“Move... along.”

“Never test me again bitch!”

Satisfied at his cowering, I take off the gas mask and smile brightly at Leo.

“Let’s go, little bro.”

Leo looks sympathetic at the Security Guard before he rejoins my side.

“Y-You are really scary big sis.”, mumbles Leo at me, while I ring the doorbell of Token’s home.

“It’s part of my charm.”, I jest.

Well, a bit.

Security Guard had it coming.

The door opens and a black kid opens the door.

…Don’t tell me his name is a goddamn pun-!

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes, hello I’m N.K., you must be Token.”, I say and hand him Cartman’s letter. “I’m the new mage of Kupa Keep and Lord Fatass wants me to fetch all his warriors since the elven took the Stick of Truth.”

“Nice to meet you N.K. I’m surprised that Cartman lets a girl play with us.”

At this Leo and I wince. It’s nice to see there is another person who has eyes in his head, but…

“His chubbiness thinks I’m a dude, so can you…”

“Of course. Hang on a second.”

Token closes for a second the door and after opening it again he is in his Kupa Keep get-up. Wow, he dresses fast!

“Thank you for thy message, traveler! Your secret is safe with me. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep!”, he announces, then turns to his right and calls: ”Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house?”

And closes again the door.

I shrug my shoulders and mentally strike him from my list.

One warrior recruited, two more to go.

The next warrior recruit (who gets the reference gets a cookie) is a boy named Tweek Tweak, since we can’t simply just go and grab Craig from school and I ask Leo if he is messing with me about his name.

Who names their kid like that?

And why?

Were they on drugs? (No pun indeed)

With any hour passing South Park gets weirder.

Leo assures me that it’s really his name and with a sign I follow him to Tweak Bro. Cafe. A cafe owned by Tweeks family if you didn’t get it. But I’m sure we all here are smarter than Cartman by a mile.

We pass the cinema and I stop Leo by grasping his arm.

“Oh look! They play Asses on Fire 2!”, I squeal happy. “Did you watch the first one?”

“Yeah, I did. You like Terrance and Phillip, big sis?”

As an answer, I start to sing the well known song from the first movie: “Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucka! You're an uncle fucka, yes it's true! Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!”

Leo laughs happily and joins me.

“Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka! You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, You just fuck your uncle all day long!”

“Suck my balls!”, I end the song happy giggling.

“Oh I wish we could watch it now.”, confesses Leo. “I bet it’s better than the first.”

“Well, I was planning to watch it with my parents. I’m sure you can tag along when we go!”

My little brother lights up like a Christmas Tree.

“Really?”

“I promise!”

I wrap my arm around his shoulder giving him so side-way hug. We continue our way to Tweek Bros Cafe.

“Psst. Pssst, hey. Over here.”

I ignore this weird older dude hiding behind a tree between the cinema and the cafe, I got no time for this shit and enter with Leo the cafe.

The cafe is cute, but the smell of the coffee is a bit strange.

I can’t put my finger on it.

My parents and I are avid coffee drinkers, so I’m familiar with its smell, so this strange smell, makes me frown.

And yes I know I’m 11 I shouldn’t already drink coffee, leave me alone! I need my coffee or I don’t function.

I wanted to get a cup, but this smell turned me away. That doesn’t stop me from going up to the counter to ask for Tweek.

The older gentleman greets me in a calming soothing voice which throws me off a bit.

“Welcome to Tweek Coffee. Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally.”

I swore I hear soft background music.

Are we in a commercial?

I blink rapidly to get my bearings back.

“Erm, hello sir, is Tweek here? We want to ask him to play with us.”

“Hello there.”, Mr. Tweak greets me. “If you're looking for Tweek, he's in the back room, unattended. Unattended, like a pristine meadow known only to the wild horses that graze there. Would you like to try some coffee? It's fresh, like a sun-dappled cornfield ready for harvest.”

“Eh no thanks, another time…”

I nearly drag Leo to the backroom to get away from this coffee dealer. It’s just soooooo weird.

In the backroom we find who must be Tweek, wearing a little apron and with a broom cleaning the room.

“AHGHGHGH! How am I supposed to do all this?! There's no way, man! Starbucks has like eight employees! Here it's just me!! GAHGHGH!!”, he talks frantically to himself, twitching here and there.

Oh dear, what is his problem?

I get my answer when I see him chuck down a whole cup of coffee like some Tequilla shot.

He didn’t even blink.

I don’t know if I should give him kudos or be scarred for life.

“Hello, Tweek?”, I call out to him.

The poor boy lets out a shrill shriek.

Ups.

“AHGHGHGH! Who are you?!”

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle you.”, I talk to him in my most calm and reassuring voice. “I’m N.K., new in town and also the new Mage of Kupa Keep. Lord Tub of Lard calls all his warriors to the castle to reclaim the Stick of Truth from the elves.”

He doesn’t stop twitching, even after I had him Cartman’s letter.

“NOW?!?! The guys need me now?! Oh, there's no way man! I have WAY too much to do! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!”, he screams in my face, shaking me by my shoulders.

“Wowowow, calm down, Tweek. Can Leo and I help you somehow? Maybe we could help you clean.”, I suggested, taking his hands from my shoulders and caressing them gently to help calm him down.

It seems to work since Tweek takes a deep breath to get his thoughts under control.

Well mostly.

He is still twitching and shaking.

“You could go get the four o'clock delivery for me?!”, he asks.” If you do I can finish here and then - and then I'll still have time to play! PLEASE!”

Me and Leo look at each other and he nods.

“Sure thing Tweek. Where is the delivery?”

“It's at Kenny's house - like always! Y-you give them THIS - They'll give you the delivery!”

He gives me a piece of paper.

“PLEASE! Would you?!”

“Consider it done.”

With that Leo and I leave the backroom.

I can’t even describe what I’m feeling when I see where sweet, sweet Princess Kenny lives.

I feel sad and angry on her behalf.

No one should live in a dump like that.

“The princess family doesn’t have much money, huh?”, I mumble, kicking an empty beer bottle away.

Leo hears me anyway.

“Kenny and his family were always poor. He is actually the poorest kid in school.”, he explains to me.

“This sucks.”

“Agree, but don’t pity him, Kenny hates that.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

Still…it hurts me to see this sad excuse of a house and think how cold and dirty it has to be in there.

I wish I could help somehow…

Since we came here on a mission, I ignore my desire to help Kenny and his family somehow and knock on the front door, which probably saw better days. It feels like the door is going to crack under my knocks.

The door opens and a red-haired woman with a green I’m with stupid T-Shirt stands before us.

That’s for sure Kenny’s mom.

She has the same pretty blue eyes as her child, just they seem tired and lifeless. Looking at her, I bet she was once a beautiful young girl, but whatever happened to her made her now look older and defeated.

“What?”, she croaks at us.

“Hello, ma’am.”, I addressed her and hand her the letter Tweek gave me. “We are here to pick up the delivery for Tweek Bro.”

“Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back.”, she explains to me, handing me back the letter and a key to this guest house.

“Thanks for your help ma’am.”

“You are a nice girl, goodbye.”

I admit it makes me feel giddy that Kenny’s mom seems to like me and even can tell I’m a girl. These are some brownie points for her.

Me and Leo make our way to the guesthouse, which is actually a garage, and…yep we are in a junkie hideout.

Awesome, just awesome.

I’m not touching anything in here.

I don’t want to get tetanus or hepatitis or some shit.

“Yeah, yeah. We got the package for Tweek Coffee. You got the envelope?”, say’s one of the three junkies to us.

They are two males and a female.

I swore, I formally feel the drugs and sickness coming from them.

“Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion. I wonder if it's a healing potion...”, voice Leo his thought and I can just stare at him.

Didn’t he get what this person actually are?

How innocent is he?

“Stay close and don’t touch anything.”, I whisper to him before I turn to one of the junkies and hand him the letter. “Here.”

No time for pleasantries, I want to get out of here, before I catch something nasty.

“Hey... that's not the usual kid that picks up the package.”

“Huh? Oh shit. It's a COP!!”

Uh-oh!

Our little adventure in the garage ends with beating up the three junkies and then getting the Tweek Bro delivery ourselves.

Once we are out of the garage, I search in my little backpack for the hand sanitizer I know I have and wash myself and Leo with it as well as I can.

“Nasty, nasty, nasty!”, I shudder. “I don’t want to get any sickness that will eat my brain!”

“Big sis you are rubbing the hand sanitizer in my face! It hurts.”

“It’s for your own good, little bro!”

After what feels like an eternity I’m satisfied and stop cleaning us.

Leo’s face may be red as a lobster now, but he will be thankful later for it.

With that, I drag him back to Tweek Bro Cafe. We hand over the delivery to Tweek, who gives it to his father and Mr. Tweak dumbs it into the coffee.

Yep, I’m never gonna drink that. Now I know why it’s smells so funny, it has drugs in it.

At least Tweek gets permission to play with us.

That makes now two warriors recruited.

We could hand it back now to Kupa Keep but I ask Leo if we can explore the town for a bit.

I mean, the Stick is not going anywhere.

Also, our third warrior recruit is still in detention.

We have some time.

My little brother is okay with that and we start our exploring.

Time to get familiar with my new hometown.

#southparkfanfiction #southpark #new kid sp #dovahkiin #stick of truth #SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 #douchbag #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #k2 #polyamarous

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animalnews24 · 2 years ago

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New Dog Wouldn’t Look Him in the Eye Because Her Past Left Her Defeated

Animal News by Animal News April 10, 2023 in News 0 1 SHARES 4 VIEWS Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

For years, you would have thought Ruthie was a sad little brown dog, as she was so filthy from being kept in a muddy pen outdoors in all weather conditions, neglected and repeatedly bred, her litters taken away from her by a backyard breeder in Michigan.

New Dog Wouldn’t Look Him in the Eye Because Her Past Left Her Defeated But today, she’s unrecognizable—clean, healthy, loved, and living indoors with a new family who has pledged to protect her.New Dog Wouldn't Look Him in the Eye Because Her Past Left Her Defeated

Ruthie is one of 39 dogs seized by authorities and placed for adoption following a PETA undercover investigation into John D. Jones’ seedy breeding operation, JRT John’s Jack Russell Terriers.

PETA’s investigator documented that dozens of dogs were confined to small, barren kennels with little protection from the bitter cold and snow 24/7—conditions so dire that they prompted PETA supporters to hold a four-day sit-in at the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s office until it enforced the law against cruelty to animals.

Once rescued, Ruthie’s trauma was so deep that it took her some time to adjust to life indoors with her guardians, Kenny and Nikki Carney, and her new “grandmother,” Eleanor.

As Kenny explains in the video, Ruthie had spent “five or six years without having a name or a toy.”

Whereas she once ran away or avoided eye contact, her new family and a pair of other dogs in the home soon showed her how to feel safe.

“They pretty much taught her the ins and outs of everything here,” Kenny says of her new canine companions.New Dog Wouldn't Look Him in the Eye Because Her Past Left Her Defeated

READ MORE Rescuers Enter the Abandoned House and See a Familiar Face Staring Back “Ruthie found love, but as long as people buy from breeders rather than adopting from shelters, other wonderful dogs will be caged or penned in puppy mills and deprived of the care and love they need,” says PETA Senior vice president Daphna Nachminovitch.

“PETA reminds everyone that breeders see dogs as breeding machines, there simply to churn out pups for them to sell.”

“Ruthie is the first of many rescues,” Kenny says through tears. “And I hope that somehow her experience can help others just bridge the gap.”

But today, she’s unrecognizable—clean, healthy, loved, and living indoors with a new family who has pledged to protect her.

Ruthie is one of 39 dogs seized by authorities and placed for adoption following a PETA undercover investigation into John D. Jones’ seedy breeding operation, JRT John’s Jack Russell Terriers.

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reindeersonmytshirt · 3 years ago

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List of some ski jumpers with (just) 1 victory in world cup competitions

(The list is not conclusive, it’s a pick by me.)

Holger Freitag (Harrachov 1983)

Hroar Stjernen (Bischofshofen 1985)

Hideharu Miyahira (Planica 1999)

Stephan Hocke (Engelberg 2001)

Ville Larinto (Kuopio 2010)

Johan Remen Evensen (Vikersund 2011)

Jaka Hvala (Klingenthal 2013)

Anssi Koivuranta (Innsbruck 2014)

Kenneth Gangnes (Lillehammer 2015)

Junshiro Kobayashi (Wisla 2017)

Andreas Stjernen (Bad Mittendorf 2018)

Anže Semenic (Zakopane 2018)

Stephan Leyhe (Willingen 2020)

Anže Lanišek (Kuusamo 2021)

Jan Hörl (Wisla 2021)

Daniel Huber (Bischofshofen 2022)

#ski jumping #i was just thinking 1 wc victory is more than most jumpers ever get #so in this case 1 is a big number #active athletes in bold #also this was interesting #didn't know mr Miyahira had won Planica #and somehow i thought Kenny had more than 1

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breathings-of-the-heart · 4 years ago

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Stuck on You (Levi x Childhood Friend! Reader) Part 2

A/N: Hey guys! It’s been kinda a while but here is part 2~ I have this habit of writing and rewriting my pieces since I’m never fully satisfied by them, but overdoing that is just as bad so I’m going to leave this as is ajflkajada The amount of love my first part recieved was so genuinely heart warming and I cannot express my gratitude enough. I’m nervous to post this because of it, to be honest, because I hope it lives up to the expectations. Thank you to everyone who has shown me support, it means so much! If you guys want a part three, or maybe just a short epilogue, I will consider it so let me know! Also if you would like to be tagged in my future works, comment below or send me a message <3 I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, Season 1 and No Regrets ova spoilers

Word Count: 4k

If you haven’t already, read part one here

As a former member of the Scouts yourself, you knew the ins and outs of the military’s regulations. Because of this, you also knew your request was a strange one, seeing as soldiers weren’t typically allowed visitors, but you hoped your letter appealed to the more personal side of Commander Erwin. Apparently it somehow moved the man, seeing as you had been brought by carriage to the legion's base the following night.

The clopping of horse hooves eventually stopped, and you were currently being escorted into the building by another familiar face, her hand already outstretched to help you out of the vehicle as soon as the door swung open.

“I understand your reservations about this, but you’re brave for coming here. I think he’ll be relieved to see you, (Y/N),” Hange spoke, her fingers hovering over the small of your back as she guided you down one of the many hallways, lantern swinging in her free hand. “I think he could benefit from seeing a familiar face.”

Your eyes were downcast, staring at the floor as rooms upon rooms passed by along your path. You couldn’t speak if you tried, words seemingly stuck in your throat and unable to keep up with your racing thoughts.

Deep breaths, (Y/N).

For better or for worse, there was no need to reply, as Hange came to a halt not a second later. She squeezed your shoulder gently before bringing her knuckles to the wooden door, knocking once, twice.

Your hands were clammy, heart thundering in your ears as you tried to steady your breathing.

“Levi, someone is here to see you,” Hange’s voice rang out firmly.

There was a distinct sound of a chair being pushed back, and footsteps growing nearer. Time slowed down, and you began to second guess every decision up to now. Would Levi even want you to be here? Will he be angry? You felt like bolting away and forgetting about the whole idea, suddenly afraid of his reaction. Afraid that your presence would only make everything worse.

Your eyes were widening as you realized the possibility of leaving was too late to explore, Levi already turning the handle from the other side. So instead, you swallowed your pride, stood up straighter, and pushed away the growing sensation of nausea in your gut.

“Who could possibly be important enough to interrupt my--” 

The second his eyes met yours, Levi halted in all movements. Your gaze was fixed on him as well, every bit of longing settling back in your bones the second it did.

He looked nearly the same as the last time you saw him, clean and kempt as ever, hair styled the way it always was-- the same way he’d keep it when he used to chastise you for running your fingers through it.

And those stoic, gray irises that drew you in your were fierce, yet somehow emptier. At the sight of you, his flooding emotions became too much to properly register, unlocking every moment you’d ever spent with him as they replayed all at once.

“(Y/N)?” He couldn’t hide his disbelief, eyes widening ever so slightly.  

“Hello, Levi.”  

~~~~~~~~~

Never did Levi think he would grow to care for another group of people the same way he had for you, Farlan, and Isabel. But sitting around Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oruo, he found their excited chatter over the dinner table endearing more than anything. The ever stoic look on his face didn’t change, and he would never openly admit it, but it felt reminiscent to be surrounded by trusted company like this. All of Squad Levi had full faith in one another; it was necessary for the battle field. This created an unspoken bond between all of them that the unreachable Ackerman did not picture building with others again.

Fate worked in funny ways, he supposed.

Sounds of clinking silverware and chatter filled the mess hall, sun setting outside of its many windows and painting the expanse in an orange light. The males eyes drifted towards the entrance of the room expectantly, where a clock rested above the doorway. He took a sip of his tea whilst squinting at it, attempting to get a better read before feeling a slight jab in his side.

“Looking for someone, sir?” Petra inquired, with a hint of deeper emotion in her tone that went right over the male’s head.

He glared at her in annoyance, having almost spilled his drink as the thought of you returned to the forefront of his mind.

It was strange, seeing how capable you had become after spending those months by yourself in the Underground. They made you a bit more calloused than when Levi last saw you, carrying over to your skills as a Scout. You never used to be skilled at riding ODM gear, not even when Levi tried to teach you in your youth. Seeing you slash Titans without blinking an eye was like watching someone completely different.

But you had to learn, since you had no one to protect you.

Your open displays affection had grown fewer and farther between as your time in the Survey Corps dragged on. At first, Levi thought nothing of it. Truthfully, the Captain had hardly noticed, with how busy the both of you were. He wrote it off as stress, or the workload catching up to you. Or, maybe, it was that nagging thought in the back of his conscience he dared not dwell on: he had turned you into this, after being away for so long and then failing to protect your friends.

But as your words replayed in his mind like a broken record, too late he realized this wasn’t the case.

“I see the way you look at her. I see it because you used to look at me that way.”

“Captain?” Petra repeated, leaning forward to study his distant countenance and successfully pulling the man out of his thoughts. “She’s probably just training.”

He rested his hand on top of her head, turning it away from him and sighing.

“Eat, Petra. I don’t need you to be whining about hunger during our patrol tomorrow morning,” he chastised, forcing his eyes away from the doorway.

After that talk, Levi had watched you go, telling himself that you’d return soon enough. Yet could not shake the feeling in his gut that there was something amiss. He pushed away the pit in his stomach. You were safe, you were healthy, and that was all that mattered. Humanity’s Strongest had other things to focus on, after all, and tuned back into his comrades’ conversation. The man blended back in easily, occasionally offering a few of his own comments as the meal dragged on.

Every so often his thoughts would shift back to your conversation earlier that day, and he realized that you were wrong. As close to Petra as he had gotten, there was a stark difference between you and her:

No matter how strong you’d get, and no matter what you thought of him, Levi would always shield you from as much of this world as he could.

But it was better this way. Better if you moved on from him and easier to do if you thought it was because he wanted Petra.

If only he knew your last words to him “I’ll be back for dinner,” had been a lie.

It had been strange for him when you didn’t return. Levi tried not to think about how Kenny had done the same, instead grasping for a reason. For once, he could not read your thought process. The male had no idea why you’d voluntarily leave, after everything. He knew better than to hold onto certainty, but you’d thrown him for a loop. You were always the one to communicate, the problem solver, the one who understood him without much direction. Didn’t you know that you were irreplaceable? He should have come clean: told you that he didn’t see Petra that way, and just didn’t have the heart to admit he didn’t feel good enough for you anymore.

Did he ever even get the chance to say “I love you?”

His regret multiplied tenfold as he began to understand that maybe if he had, you would’ve stayed.

~~~~~~~~

A strange sense of comfort washed over the man as you smiled softly, small hands clasped together in front of you. He blinked, wondering if you were simply a mirage caused by his sleep deprivation. But you remained where you were, after all this time, standing at his door. For once in the man’s life, his mind was drawing a blank.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, then,” Hange stated, excusing herself and soon disappearing out of sight.  

Her statement pulled the both of you back into the present, and you were suddenly self conscious of Levi’s stare. You tucked your hair behind your ears and gestured towards his office, unable to gage his reaction to your presence.

“Would it be alright if I came in?” you asked shyly, astonished he hadn’t slammed the door in your face the second Hange left.  

To your shock, Levi simply nodded, stepping aside to let you through. Your movements were unsure and hesitant, stark in comparison to his: calm and collected as ever.

Just like any space Levi occupied, the area was clean and tidy, a lantern sitting upon his desk the only source of light against the cloudy night sky. It smelled like tea leaves, sandalwood, and disinfectant, a signature scent that made you fill with nostalgia. As the click of the door echoed behind you, the reality of your situation set in, and you turned around to face the man you were here to see.

His gaze had never left you.

“You’re hurt,” was the first thing that left your mouth, concern evident as you studied the bandaging that peaked above his knee length shoes.  

“Long story,” Levi offered curtly, eyeing you up and down from a few feet away. “One I don’t particularly care to tell you.”  

“Of course, that’s fine,” you agreed softly, a weak smile pulling at your lips.

You did your best to mask the hurt, knowing you deserved to feel it. It hurt to be here, the fear that Levi hated you previously keeping you away. Now that you were facing the music, that fear seemed more realistic than ever. Your brain wracked to change the topic before your mind could continue overthinking; desiring instead to cut the unbearable, building tension that never used to exist between you two.

“How are you, Levi?” it was a stupid question, but you no longer knew how to talk to him.

“(Y/N).” 

The way he said your name was sharp and challenging. You quickly cleared your throat and looked away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Of course you’re--” 

“--Why did you leave?” Levi effectively cut you off, orbs narrowing as you dared to come closer.

The question caught you off guard. You thought you’d made it obvious with your last conversation with him those years ago. Surely, he had some idea, although his pained expression said otherwise. His fingers twitched at his sides, a movement you didn’t miss as your eyes flickered back to his in surprise. He had been so composed just a moment ago, that the sudden shift gave you whiplash.

Now his fists were clenching, as he waited in the painful silence, knuckles turning white.

“Why did you leave?” The phrase echoed tauntingly in your ears, over and over again.

You don’t know what came over you. All you knew was that you needed to rid him of the rare, defeated look etched into his countenance. To purge him of this feeling you caused. Whether reaching out would help or hurt, you didn’t know.

But you needed to be near him.

Levi’s eyelids screwed shut as you brushed your thumb across his cheek. The action was so simple, so delicate, so unsure and so familiar all at once, and at the feeling, the Captain’s composure finally came undone.

 He reached up and gripped your wrist, as if you’d fade away if he let go. In previous years, it was always you who craved skinship, yet it seemed as if a weight had been lifted off Levi’s shoulders to have you this close. Your touch still felt like the comforting warmth of a campfire; the type that would make anyone want to stay forever.

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be better off without me,” you whispered. “I didn’t want to cause you any pain.”

He let out a breath.

“Then why are you here now?” his question was more defeated than hostile, which you hadn’t expected.

If someone asked a few hours ago, your answer would have been much clearer. But now, the logic that brought you here seemed overshadowed by doubt. After all this time, and after everything that had happened between you and Levi, any semblance of a relationship with him seemed unsalvageable. You told yourself this mantra over and over until it stuck. So why were you here?

Levi must’ve thought it audacious, for you to run away like a coward and still think you were relevant to him.

“I owe you so much. Whether I ended up being wrong or right, I’ve always acted with your best interest,” you sighed, thumb brushing over Levi’s dark circles. “Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m any use to you now. I might be the last person you want to seek comfort from, but on the off chance that I still matter to you, I’ll always come back,” you whispered earnestly.

Levi’s grip on your wrist tightened imperceptibly, and you longed to bury your face in the crook of his neck; to feel him wrap his arms around you in his embrace once more. It seemed as if Levi was staring into your soul, his shallow breaths mingling with yours at this close proximity as he opened his eyes to fully drink you in.

“I’m here to tell you that if you need me, I’ll stay.” 

He looked to the side as if brushing aside your touch, hand falling away from the raven-haired man’s face as he did so. It felt like rejection, as if he was brushing all of you away with a simple turn of his head.

Silence.

“You’re a real idiot, (Y/N),” he spoke finally, voice nearly out of place against the stillness.

Moonlight suddenly peaked through the window, showering you in a bath of silver light. Levi recognized this look. You were wearing your heart on your sleeve, offering everything you had to give; eyes wide and honest, shining with a vulnerability that even after a lifetime of knowing you, he had never seen before. The man felt conflicted at the sight, annoyance prickling under his skin as you somehow managed to hold him together and tear him apart all at once with your presence.

Losing his squad twist that knife in his heart, convincing him that he was cursed to be left by everyone and his superhuman talents only doomed him to live a life alone.

But now, here you were, standing within arms length: despite the pain you caused, still the only person he had left. Only you could draw this much emotion out of the typically monotonous man. He couldn’t tell if you were a blessing or a curse, but in the moment, all he knew was that he didn’t want you to leave again. He needed you to stay here, with him, the way it should be. Because you were family.

And true to your word, you did.

“You should really get some sleep, you know,” you stated after a while, closing the door with your foot as you entered with two fresh cups of tea.  

You watched Levi fill out paperwork on the other side of the desk, bringing the cup to his lips in the strange fashion you always teased him for. His gaze flickered up boredly.

“You know I don’t sleep. You go on ahead, though. The bed’s behind that door,” he paused, gesturing somewhere behind him. “I hardly ever use it.”

You shook your head, reaching forward and plucking Levi’s pen from his hand.  

“What you’re drinking is caffeine free. I switched it, so you have no excuse now.” You ignored the indignant scowl growing on the Captain’s face, urging him to listen. “Please, you really should rest. You know you need to.”

It took an entire hour of imploring and convincing for the man to finally give in, him grumbling as you helped take off the boot on his injured foot and ushered him onto the bed. You knew you were the last person with any right to tell the short Captain what to do, but knowing Levi, he was running on an hour or two of sleep while his body was begging for rest. And yes, you were very much hypocritical, draped across the couch in Levi’s office, staring at the ceiling. But none of that mattered to you, as long as he was okay.

You had been lost in introspection, being a room away from your childhood best friend and first love after so long a surreal experience. It felt strange to be back here, but you were too tired to dwell on how strangely out of place you seemed in a place you once called home.

The weight of your abundant emotions from the day finally crashed down, fatigue settling in. You rubbed your eyes, and snuggled closer to the cushions, letting the darkness claim you.

And in the other room, as Levi slipped out of his uniform, shaking his head in exasperation. His last thoughts while he inspected the door as if he could see you through it, was that of course only (Y/N) (L/N) could be more stubborn than he was.

As he slipped under the covers per your command, the ghost of a smile spread across his lips at the thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps it was the constant danger of where you grew up, and the need to always stay on your toes, but for as long as you could remember, you’d been a light sleeper. If someone so much as stared at you for too long, your body would jolt awake, ready to take action within a moment’s notice. There had been many instances where this came in handy in your past; even after years of seldom disruption in your now boring life within the walls, this was a trait you never seemed to grow out of. So it wasn’t hard to notice the heavy breathing and panicked movement from behind Levi’s closed door.

Just like for you, some things never changed-- when it came to old habits, you knew the man like the back of your hand. The reason he rarely ever slept was one you were quite familiar with. One both of you struggled with, and probably always would. Nightmares never seem to stop. You’d gotten through so many of your own rough nights with your friends by your side.

Levi, however, always refused to admit how they affected him. Insisted on going through it by himself.

The subconscious urge to look after one other was most likely one you'd never grow out of, even if Levi had. You didn’t think twice before making your way across the office, swinging your legs across the sofa, awake within seconds. Without missing a beat, you stood up and made your way to Levi’s personal sleeping quarters, knuckles rapping against the frame twice. Levi’s shallow gasps quieted, and when you realized he didn’t plan on opening the door, you steeled your nerves to do it yourself. This was what you were here for, wasn’t it? To offer some comfort?

He did want me to stay.

“Levi?” You called into the darkness gently, feet padding foreword as your eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

His silhouette was upright in the bed, no doubt staring at you menacingly.

“I'm fine, (Y/N). Go back to sleep,” he snapped.

That didn't deter you, for he would never openly admit vulnerability. This was by no means new behavior. Besides, the strong emotion behind the Captain’s voice was an easy tell that betrayed his words. You pressed on, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“Do you remember the time we were teenageers and you got sick, but couldn’t afford medicine so I took that sketchy job you specifically told me not to?” Your back was to him, yet you could feel Levi peering at you.

“Obviously,” he humoured you with a reply, knowing you weren’t going to leave. “You came home half alive and I felt like the most useless piece of shit in the world.”

You chuckled, fingers fiddling with the white sheets beneath them.

“Yes, which was unfair to yourself but also something I did not realize since you called me pretty much every name in the book,” you smiled, the memory oddly fond despite its events. “You were so angry, but I was also scared out of my mind... which was more important than your anger, I suppose. So you let me lay next to you that night. That was all it took to make me feel safe again.”

There was a long pause, you trying to get your words together in a way that could allow Levi to understand how you felt right now.

“I know what you’re thinking; what you’ve been thinking your whole life. You haven’t failed anyone and that stupid idea should be the furthest thing on your mind. Take it from someone who knows, alright? So many lives have had meaning because of y--”

His hand closed around your wrist, the grip much like it was the day you left him.

This time, he would not let go.

“--Stop, (Y/N). Don’t.”

You hadn’t realized there were tears falling down your cheeks until Levi turned your face to look at him. Trying to look away in your embarrassment, you laughed bitterly. His grip did not budge as he examined you sternly.

“Just be quiet and go to sleep, alright?”

You wiped at your face, determination etched into every fibre of your being.

“Mark my words, Levi, I will make you believe me.”

Levi rolled his eyes but tugged at you once more, opening the duvet in an invitation. When he sensed your uncertainty he simply nodded, arms winding around your waist as you finally crawled in beside him. Both of you knew that there was so much that still needed to be said; so many buried feelings and pain that would only take time to unravel. It felt like a miracle to find yourselves in this situation, pushing aside the thousands of emotions and questions and misunderstandings the two of you had, if only to stay together in this moment.

You didn’t need Levi to know that you still loved him; not while he was coping with another loss. It would be selfish to spring that on, and that was not what you were here for. But you had to tell him:

“I missed you.”

Levi hummed, nose brushing against yours in the close proximity.

“You better not be gone when I wake up,” he chided in response, orbs fluttering shut.

Your fingers threaded through his onyx black locks, brushing through the knots soothingly. Knowing you’d help this man heal no matter how long it took, you took comfort in the realization that he’d finally let you do just that.

“I’ll be right here. You’re not alone, Levi. I promise you never will be.”

He pulled you closer, thankful that there was at least one source of warmth left in his life that he could hold onto-- especially after coming to terms with and almost having been certain he’d never experience this feeling of contentment, again. But here you were to prove him wrong, a living slice of home in his arms.

It may have been wishful thinking, but you could have sworn you felt Levi’s breath fan across your hairline, a soft voice whispering “Thank you, (Y/N).” before you felt yourself slip away into slumber once more.

taglist: @asterroidd @chucky-26o1 @silversxble @belovedwindermere @christina-mj-stan @leviackerrman @cravrat @thekohakuriver1 @batakprincess @sunisenpai

#snk #AoT #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi #lance corporal levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #snk levi #snk fic #aot fic #levi x reader #attack on titan imagines

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essaysbyciara · 4 years ago

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It’s Been A Long Time | Nebraska Williams x Black!PlusSize Reader [Part 1/?]

Warnings: language, smut thoughts (my ministry!)

So this has been in my drafts for a *HOT MINUTE* but that photo of Trevante in high school triggered a release. If people dig where it could be going, I will add it to my list of stuff to finish and open up a taglist. I’ll try my best to do so, I promise! lol

“God, I played this album out…” Lil’ Wayne’s seminal album, The Carter, didn’t age at all. Back in 2004, Wayne was a secret about to bubble over to superstardom, just years shy of lollipops and Static Major (rest in peace). Wayne represented the teenage angst of your time, even though you toiled in the suburbs while he wrestled with the streets. But as “On My Own” damn near explodes your factory speakers, a high pitch ping from your phone pauses your trip down memory lane.

Message from Sheena: Let’s catch up before the babies wake up.

You hit the call button on your dash once you stop at a red light.

“Girl, hey. You on your way to work?”

“Ain’t I always, Shi Shi? Damn near almost overslept. Thought I missed my flight.”

Sheena, or Shi Shi, is the epitome of a best-friend-forever. You two met in Ms. Grayson’s civics class, 11th grade. On the first day of school, you rolled into third period wearing a Scream Tour II t-shirt and if you were to describe Sheena in that moment, jealous wasn’t even the word. She stanned hard for Lil’ Bow Wow but her mom wouldn’t let her go to the concert because she got caught with a boy in her room. That boy is now the husband half-way responsible for the twin girls she’s hoping will give her some grace by sleeping a little bit longer.

“Damn. You wanna gift some of that sleep to these twins, God mommy?”

“Only if you gift me some of those post-pregnancy boobs, Mommy Dearest,”

“Can’t do that. Jarell been having too much fun with those!”

“Girl, eww. I don’t need to know all that.”

You kinda did. Sheena’s stories were always live, wild and uncut. And the only fireworks you’ve been adjacent to in months since you broke up with that lame stockbroker, Keith. You curve around the airport parking lot as Sheena starts digging deep into her latest soft-core episode with her husband since the six weeks ain’t up yet. In between interjections of how nasty Jarrell could be and watching planes taxi in the distance, you cruise through Instagram to take inventory of what your day might be like.

Managing social media for the biggest sports publication in the country was not the fulfillment of a dream after high school because, shit, social media didn’t exist when you were in high school. But it’s what has you just hours away from a flight to the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, sitting in a parking lot, listening to your BFF’s slow burn sexcapades. You break up the audio immersion experience once your timeline displays something else to ruminate over.

“Sheena! Shi -- shut up! I can’t believe - you remember Lisa from high school? She got married ...and it ain’t to Brasco.”

“Whaaaa… you can finally stop making u-turns in the hallway and snag your man!”

You didn’t appreciate the lowly dig from your friend about Nebraska “Brasco” Williams, star running back, track champion and boy so fine he made both Omarion and J-Boog look like ogres. Your high school crush had you shook to your pubescent core; pretty teeth, deep skin tone and two tattoos before the age of eighteen. You’d see him in the student parking lot with the rest of the football team and you’d rush to your car as if it would go home without you. He was too hot to handle. You were beyond envious that Lisa could.

“Lisa ain’t do too bad. Her man is crazy fine. I mean, not Brasco fine but still…”

“Man, he had high school going crazy. I wonder what happened to him after that fight? I should stalk him on Facebook while I pump.” You laugh so hard, the couple walking past your car stops their argument to stare at you.

Your laughs break once you realize you might actually miss that flight. You relegate Shi Shi to kiss the twins for you and to send his Facebook profile if she can actually find it. You tried years ago and failed.

“Aight, fave. I will. Love you. Text me when you touch down in Indy.”

As you weave through the terminal, your mind thinks back to the days at New Birth High School. While it brought you joy in a forever friend and the launching point for your forever career in sports journalism, it did bring you one of the most hurtful days of your life that took years to shake.

It was the summer going into your senior year. Lisa’s sweet sixteen pool party. No way in Hell you thought you’d be there but your Mom and Lisa’s stepmom sat on the same deacon board at church and somehow thought you two were friends; Lisa paid you dust in those hallways. You fretted over every part of your outfit, especially the swim shoes you didn’t want but your Dad picked up at Sports Authority. But you were fretting the most over your swimsuit, a red one-piece with a deep open back. It was sexy for a 16-year-old, to be honest, but you secretly tried it on at the mall and fell in love with it -- especially how it made you feel.

You fell in deep love with your body that day. The way the swimsuit clenched your waist, giving your almost-pear shape some definition you’d never seen before. Your hips sat wide, your breast placed taunt, just peeking through the sides, showing off a crescent shaped birthmark right below your collarbone. It was Jet Beauty of the Week-esque and it made you feel on top of the world. Something that society kept telling you a plus-size teenage girl was not to feel. You used the last of your paper route money to buy it and hid your secret weapon in the back of your closet until the day arrived. You were hoping to get some boy’s attention -- especially Brasco. But you’d take anybody’s glare if you could get it.

You were in the clear once your Mom dropped you and Sheena both off at Lisa’s back gate. As you walked into the party, the sounds of the local hip-hop and R&B radio station blasted throughout her huge backyard. So much fun was had -- so much splash and dash -- that the faint sounds of “Knuck If You Buck” failed to erupt a party full of teenagers it was made for. The pool seemed tempting in 90-plus heat but most of the temptation came from the jacuzzi next to it. There inside sat Brasco, his lanky on-field wide receiver sidekick Kenny and Jarell, Sheena’s partner-in-bedroom-bust crime looking delicious in their highlighter-color swim trunks. You were still figuring out your body and the reactions conjured up from the sight of water droplets chasing down their backs confused you even more. But the heat of the sun -- and the heat from your body -- got too much to bear. That pool called your name.

You stripped off your t-shirt and denim shorts, leaving your swim shoes back by the picnic table. They clashed. Your nerves splashed together like the water you couldn’t wait to feel, battering against your heart. Were you ready for all this attention? Amongst the rest of the classmates, you disappeared. You weren’t popular. People knew of you but didn’t know you, only associating you with Sheena by proxy of Jarell. “My Goodies” came on the radio, providing you a soundtrack and a sign from God. Before you could answer the call, Sheena jumped into the pool. You tossed your glasses on top of your clothes and did the same.

The water felt golden. Sheena smacked your face with sheets of chlorinated goodness. Too much fun was had by all, even Lisa joined in the fun. Suddenly the entire football team did too except Brasco and Jarell, languishing on the edge of the jacuzzi because like most boys from their side of town, they didn’t know how to swim. Lisa saw her boo in isolation and tapped Sheena on the shoulder.

“Hey, Shi Shi. Let’s get in the jacuzzi.” Sheena grabbed your hand to guide you out of the pool. You weren’t expecting to see your Mom at the other end. Sheena didn’t grab you to join her in the warm bubbles, she got you out at the angry-faced-behest of your mother. You both were going home. The party silenced and stares followed as everyone watched your walk-of-shame to grab your clothes. You got what you wanted in the worst way possible.

Your unholy exodus commenced when Lisa’s mom called yours to report what she saw: this red bathing suit too revealing for a little girl to wear. It wasn’t the green ruffled mess-of-a-bathing-suit from last year. She claimed to witness stares and whispers and “boobs hanging out, butt all out.” Your mom got over there quicker than a church shout. She waited to scold you after she dropped off Sheena.

It was a Sunday School scolding like no other. Tears pooled deep like the one you were just having fun in. You tossed the bathing suit into the trash bin. You were never going to see it again.

The announcement of your flight breaks you out of your day nightmare. Grabbing the handle on your suitcase, you see a text with an attachment from Sheena.

Girllllllllllll. I found Brasco and babyyyyyyyyyyy…

You gasp. Time did a wonder on him in all the right ways. He packed on even more muscle, chiseling out the navy thermal dressing his upper body. Teeth still bright, Moonlight-bright. His Omarion-Pandemonium-era braids were gone, now donning a clean fade with perfect waves. His stance meant business, a lot of it risky. You bite your lower lip to mask the “damn!” urging a release from you, staring at his picture so intensely that you damn near walk into the stewardess checking your boarding pass.

You couldn’t wait to get to your first-class seat. You needed a safe space to drown in your own splash waterfalls. You beg Sheena to send you his profile, looking to make some more of that mess and she obliges. Scrolling through his Facebook, you see nothing. You needed him to match your uncleanliness. Another text from Sheena breaks you out of your spell.

Ain’t shit on here though. I can’t find an Instagram or anything. That’s where the dirt is at lol

You put your social media skills to work. Ain’t an Instagram profile that you can’t find. Nebraska Williams brings up nothing. Such a unique name and nothing to show for it.

Maybe Jarell can follow him, Shi.

Jarell ain’t on this thing. He hates all this stuff. You want me to follow him?

Girl, yes! I need more pictures! I’m trying to find his ‘gram and no diceeeeeee. Ughhhh.

Damn the “no cell phone until after lift off” announcement. You then try “Brasco”, too many names -- rappers, really-- and a dog company to boot. “Brasco Williams” yields no results. You couldn’t wait what could be hours, days, weeks, maybe never, for a response from Brasco to Sheena’s friend request.

You pull up Google as a last ditch effort. The results bring up what only seems to be archives from your now-defunct city newspaper covering one of Nebraska’s record-setting games from 2005. You know to quit while you’re ahead until you see a Youtube video: “Nebraska Williams (RB) New Birth High School (MD). uploaded by Donyell Williams. You remember Donyell as this boy who played too damn much in Geometry class but right now, he’s Brasco’s cousin who's Instagram profile came up on the first search. Thank God his profile wasn’t private. You scroll back far enough to hit the jackpot.

I found it! @donniebrascowill is his Instagram.

Sheena was right about the dirt. His posts were bare but his stories carried enough. Enough shirtless, weightlifting, fresh-out-the-barbershop-got-to-show-you-the-fade dirt. You hit the follow button before the stewardess asked for your drink selection.

End of Part I

#trevante rhodes x reader #trevante rhodes x fanfiction #nebraska williams

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anya-grace · 4 years ago

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Two beautiful people sent me an ask about my rivetra actors au, and boyyyy let me tell you, it was so fun making them again 😍 thank you to the pretty souls who asked this! 💘

The first actors au were from season 1 and 2, this one will focus on the filming of season 3 until the last season :) here you go!

more rivetra actors!au headcanon (some are nsfw-ish)

- Let me get straight to the point: lots of sex. Car sex. On-set sex. Dressing room sex. Name it.

- Both of them are aware that it was unprofessional, but there was a time when they did not see each other for more than a month because of their (especially Levi’s) busy and conflicting schedule, so when Petra surprised him on set, the frustration and longing just piled up and they had sex.

- Then it became a habit.

- And this habit, of course, didn’t go unnoticed by the other casts and even crews of the show. Armin heard them once, and the poor boy made a mental note to never ever come close to Levi’s room again.

- The older casts are fine with it since, you know, normal adult stuff. But for the love of the three Walls, can you lovebirds tone the moaning down? People are trying to get some sleep wtf.

- Levi’s make-up artist had to deal with the pain of covering his hickeys (courtesy of Ms. Petra Ral) every shoot. The ones on his neck, especially those near his adam’s apple were the most visible. And since Captain Levi rarely wore a cravat in season three, part one, it made the work harder for the make-up artist.

- As compensation, Petra always bought a special souvenir for Levi’s make-up artist whenever she flies overseas for her theater shows.

- For the premiere of season 3, Levi took Petra as his date on the red carpet. It was the first event they attended publicly as a couple.

- It was a big milestone for their relationship because they are both public figures. And we all know what happens when celebrities publicize their relationships, it is prone to issues and controversies.

- And you can very well guess that Levi Ackerman showing off his beautiful girlfriend to the press was big news. As big as the AoT premiere even.

- During the air of season three, Levi became more famous and he attracted many overseas fans as well as international actresses because of his brilliant scenes with Kenny.

- Although Petra is not the jealous type, she admitted that somehow it affected her when other international actresses expressed their admiration towards Levi. Some even said that Levi is their type and they are looking forward to working with him in the future.

- When Levi sensed this, he immediately headed to his IG and posted a picture of Petra with a very cheesy caption lmao. Forgive him, he's new to this kind of relationship.

- Did I mention he also posted a picture of them kissing in front of the Eiffel tower?

- Only a few know this, but the real Levi is one clingy boyfriend.

- He is very touchy when it comes to Petra. He just really loves holding her. Sometimes he just randomly hugs her, caresses her, nuzzles her. He just loves having skin-to-skin contact with her.

- His love language is actions and gestures.

- His favorite gesture to do to Petra is a back hug with his arms under her boobs. It was a soft gesture and it wasn't sexual in any way...until it did.

- More than half of their sex started with Levi touching Petra’s underboobs tbh.

- Sometimes Levi thinks that he's neglecting Petra and more than once he considered quitting the show business for her. But then he’ll see her smiling at him, and she tells him that she's very proud of what he’s doing and that she's happy that she gets to support him with doing the things he is really passionate about and just… all he could think of that time is that he wants to marry this amazing woman.

- He is also supportive of Petra’s theater actress career, of course. And he hates the fact that he needs to hide whenever he watches one of her shows since people eventually gather around him asking for an autograph and he feels that it’s rude for Petra. This is her moment and he doesn’t want to ruin it for her.

- Hence, his all-black and mysterious get-up whenever he watches her show.

- AoT season three was a huge success and plans for season four are already on the move. Casts were given a long break before the shooting began again and both Petra and Levi took this as a chance to bond together.

-Petra's favorite thing to do with Levi is playing with animals. She has a soft spot for animals, and she wanted for them to adopt a pet but she knew that the poor animal will only be given less attention because both of them are always busy.

-When Petra's theater world tour ended, she and Levi started living together. They didn't have the chance to do it before since they were both busy.

-Them living together is probably the height of their relationship. They fought, they had sex, they laughed, they played, they bathe together. They did everything together and it was a beautiful experience.

- For their third anniversary, Levi booked a vacation on a private island for a week. It was also their last bonding because Levi is going to start filming again for season four in less than a month.

- They did not communicate with anyone during that one week. It was just them, and they made the most of it.

- Mornings were spent for morning sex and breakfast in bed. Afternoons were for swimming, sleeping, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and every activity they could think of doing. They explored the island, they petted stray animals, they dived into the ocean, they build sandcastles, they ate different dishes, they had sex in caves and while swimming on the beach, they climbed trees, they bought souvenirs, and most importantly, they took many pictures together.

- Evenings were the most romantic of all. They had sex in the darkness of their own room while they hear the ocean waves crashed to the shore outside and as the sea breeze cooled their sweat-slicked skin. They took the time to explore each other’s body like it’s their last (because it will be in a matter of days).

- On their last night, Pet cried while they’re having sex. Levi’s face was buried on the crook of her neck and she was moaning one moment, and then the next she’s sobbing like a poor little baby.

- She said that she’d gotten used to life with Levi always by her side and she didn’t want it to ever change. Levi comforted her. He petted her hair, and he said that it’s going to be okay. He kissed her head, then her hair, her face, and her body. Then they had the most emotional and meaningful sex of their entire life.

- Levi started shooting again for season four. Petra, like the past seasons, visits him as much as she can. It was hard adjusting to this type of life again, but she’s a strong woman. And besides, she’s going to start rehearsing for another theater show again.

- They need to undergo medical check-ups before the casting and she found out then that she is pregnant with Levi’s baby.

- It freaked her out. She and Levi never talked about babies before since they’re busy with their careers, and their relationship has always been just the two of them.

- Levi was out of town for the shoot, and she didn’t want to tell him the good news on the phone so she patiently waited until he got home.

- He was greeted with a fancy dinner, and a “Welcome home, Daddy” by Petra. Levi thought that it was her being cheeky and naughty at first, but when dinner ended and she ran for her life to the sink, that’s when he started getting worried. And when Petra showed him the positive result in her medical check-up, well, let’s just say that on that day, Levi Ackerman received a good reminder of what he did to her on their vacation months ago.

- But seriously, he was seconds away from calling his manager and dropping his AoT contract just so he can take care of Petra and their baby. Petra said that it was fine, and she doesn’t want him to quit.

- Levi apologized to Petra many times because he wasn’t there when she discovered it, but she assured him that it was alright and it wasn’t his fault. God, he’s with the perfect woman.

- Since Levi is a big shot in the industry, he demanded control over his schedules. Honestly, he wanted to be at her side 24/7. He wanted to see her belly swell as months went by. He wanted to be the one to satisfy her midnight pregnancy cravings. He wanted to kiss her face and her belly first thing in the morning.

- He convinced Petra to move temporarily to the Ackerman family house where Levi’s parents are staying. Kenny and Mikasa also lived in the same affluent neighborhood. He had doctors, and helpers, and bodyguards hired for Petra. But she said that she’s too uncomfortable with many people around her.

- Petra and Levi’s mom build a bond of their own. She’d gotten to know more of Levi through his mother’s perspective. The older woman showed her Levi’s teenage room, his past awards, his photos, his audition tapes that weren’t out for the public, and she fell in love with him more.

- They had a super private wedding with their relatives and closest friends. Petra was six months pregnant by that time and season four is planned to air three months from now.

- So, you know about that one holy Rivetra panel where Petra is looking back to Levi? The reason why the scene was not in the actual show was that she is pregnant. That’s why the directors are forced to use old scenes from season one instead.

- Despite all the efforts of being private, paparazzi and the media still caught wind of the secret wedding, and rumors about Petra being pregnant started circulating over the internet. Levi shut down these rumors every time someone attempted to question him in his interviews.

- When the shooting ended, Petra was already eight months into pregnancy. As per tradition, the cast and staff held an after-party, but Petra was surprised when it became a baby shower for her instead.

- The baby was supposedly due in the third week of December, but Petra’s water broke around the first week instead and she started her labor. She ended up having the same birthday as their healthy baby boy.

- The baby was named River Ackerman. He was named after Levi’s role where he won the Best Actor Award when he was seventeen. It was also a tribute to Levi’s role in AoT since his name was sometimes spelled as ‘Rivaille’ on many occasions.

#this was so long oh boy #i love this au so much tooooo #y'all can send me more ask about this au if u want :)#rivetra #levi x petra #rivapeto #rivetra headcanon #rivetra actors au

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ressyfaerie · 3 years ago

Note

For the fandom ask: Beyblade ^^

OooOooOOohh I love these okay

1. Favourite female character

Well, theres not too many in beyblade LOL. But man do I love Ming. I'm pretty sure I had a crush on her when I was a kid before I realized i was *the gay*. Ever since the third pokemon movie I've been a big fan of the trope of girl is young and transforms into older version of herself to symbolize their desire to grow older and more mature. So I'm a big fan of her and her darker side.

Spoiler alert, I'm gonna include some of her in Tattoos soon!!

2. My favourite male character

If not everyone knows this I've failed. It is obviously our lord and saviour mr. Sourpuss himself. (Kai for anyone who missed the memo for the past 20 years)

3. My favourite season

It's always been a tough choice between one or g-rev. Season 1 is just such a cute perfect intro, but the Russian arc is just... fantastic it really is. Lots of people hate on the drawing style but I find it really unique and nostalgic! G rev deals with a lot of tough themes (specifically tala going after Boris and being hospitalized and the dangerous rivalry between brooklyn and kai, as well as tyson and kai discovering their weird connection to each other). The art style is a lot more polished and sparkly and slightly homoerotic so I'm a big fan.

I love both for completely opposite reasons so its tough to choose between them!

4. My favourite episode

Ooohhhhh tough so tough uuummmmm. Gimme a sec I'll shower and think about it.

So, upon further reflection, I've decided it's a hard decision between the episode in season 1 where Kai breaks into the abbey, or the episode in G-rev where kai gets tied up with rose thorns from the queer coded gay coach to teach him he can't run from his gay thoughts.

5. Favourite cast member

So like everyone thinks I'm gonna say tyson or ray or max or tala but HONESTLY

Kenny??? Like I LOVE HIM. Idk why hes like the one person i think I'd ever have a good relationship with in real life

Like Kenny is the badass of the team. Like without Kenny Tyson wouldn't have got through episode 1. Let's put it this way, the rest of the boys are just boys but kenny is THE MAN.

6. Favourite ship

Tyka.

Always and forever lmao

7. Character I’d die defending

Okay so like obviously Kai I'd light myself on fire to keep that man warm and actually everyone else who isnt an adult but MOSTLY

TALA.

Tala is the kid that's gone through the most trauma, let's get real here that kid deserves a hug, a found family, and some cocoa.

8. A character I just can’t sympathize with

Okay

Yes tysons dad is the worst honestly (even more so than voltaire if voltaire canonically put Kai in the abbey btw)

But also, and I am extremely set on this and it's why he is always the 'antagonist' to me.

HIRO

I understand that even if Hiro is canonically 18 (so hes still basically a child) he still came back into Tysons life as the adult figure and he pushes tyson the wrong way to get results.

Not ONE THING Hiro tried to teach Tyson actually stuck that wasn't accomplished through like … trauma?

He was the one person Tyson should have been able to truly rely on and I am a big believer that since he failed to do this, he was the biggest factor for Tyson's dark downfall in g rev.

Also, like if your brother needed comfort and help like why didnt you just… like...

Call your dad

?????

9. A character I grew to love

So yall prob already know this

But everyone got me into Bryan

Ugh I'm a big fan of the bisexual street badboys with religious trauma.

I especially love him in Tattoos.

I'm not sure how, since he says like 3 words in the series and everyone somehow manages to headcanon a similar version of him, the version I created for Tattoos is just fantastic.

Maybe he just fills the lack of older brother issues I have LOL

10. My anti OTP

So I ship nearly everything.

There’s not one immediate ship that comes to mind that I can say no absolutely not (except the obvious stuff)

I do find since we have such a wide range of characters and the fandom is so old we come across really traumatizing stuff occasionally. (Some fanart I saw of Tala and Boris a few years ago comes to mind oof ick yucky)

I used to be pretty anti RayxKai and KaixTala. But I think thats because back in the day KaixRay and tyka shippers used to be at each others throats. I was never involved much in the fandom in this time, but it was pretty extreme so I didn’t interact much. I also used to find they didn’t have much chemistry, but after being in the fandom longer I now see it and am more than willing to write fics for it when my askbox is open!

I used to be against KaixTala as well, from a psychological perspective (because I get way too into the psychology of childrens shows apparently????) I just found their personalities were both too negative and worried about them trauma bonding and never growing together. But I’ve read some stuff about them and (done some asks and ficlets for them) and I find the appeal now!

#ressyfaerie #ask #this was fun sorry it took me three days lmao

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farty-city · 3 years ago

Text

inside bo burnham review no one asked for

i enjoy other peoples commentary and i was writing down my first thoughts anyway so here it is

inside

first song/intro song

i like the phone screen on him, very reflective of how we have had phone screens on us

“roberts been a little depressed” osnskjdnfs

they were right “daddys made you some content so open wide” hjbfafn

intro

oh my god he looks awful

but like in a cute way

maybe

healing the world with comedy (second song)

the canned and queued laugher no exactly… is it a symbol or is it just funny.. who's to say.

it think its a good first song, establishing he knows what he is doing is kind of useless

“the indescribable power of your comedy”

he looks like marc maron rn

i like the synthed voice and synthesizer

the jesus allusion … yeah

“i'm a special kind of white guy”

this feels like he knows how he is perceived by fans.. Make happy was too much

his fucking dancing fksjdnfksj

i think he did a good job looking manic

the lasers lmao

Side 1

Bo made a huge gamble releasing this like,,, what if you just stumbled upon it and this was ur first introduction to him..

I bet its like when i comment dumb things on instagram comments and get that rush of hehehehe

NO NOT BO DEVELOPING BILLIE EILLISH VOWELS

Also this is exactly what he wanted like,, he just wanted to make his things and not deal with the crowds so..

To think i was like finding scraps of him performing at largo and stuff and now,, so much content

life imitates art

the way he's literally what he wrote hgbkdf

there is no authenticity with cameras

suicide ?

facetime with my mom tonight

the blue light.. Yeah

o hblue like sad

i don't know how i feel about the electric music but i guess its no different than whatever else i listen to

this is sad wow

still catchy etc

side 2

i wonder if here will be any fart jokes

that is how the world works (songs)

the huge mess and then him in a sweater

this is reminiscent of that walmart muppets

he became tim minchin with a sock puppet

the “yes… yes sir” stoppp

jkgdsnfijwkensfosnf

qbejfnjne

nerjgnoejns

bo making a political statement and a metaphor for activism and then making it weirdly kinky

brand consultant (bit)

man bun

i have to believe he filmed it with the beard because quarantine vibes and also bc he was tired of being seen as a child

white womans instagram (song)

i did not like that intro

BO AND GLASSES THANK GOD

the daisies wow just wow

underwear

“white womans instagram” or “bo burnham becomes a girlboss”

i like that he didn't lose his cadence like the way the rhymes are you can still tell its him

i don't get the mom part sorry

is it like how people are very superficial but also very personal on their instagrams

this part was legit sad

side 3

i wonder how he felt with cameras constantly on him

Although this is the point hes trying to make

lol seinfeld moment (bit)

unpaid intern (bit and song)

“barely people somehow legal” was so smooth woW

omg he was scatting

he was a man who would scat

oh my god what great news

the react clip omg

i cant believe he did that oh my god

observation/critisism and response to the “can anyone shut the fuck up”

and as i realized what he was doing he was like “i have this need for everything i make to have a deeper meaning” oh my god

now the question is how long will this go on?

jeffrey bezos (song)

idk its catchy

and then theres him like sleeping and talking which kind of is part of the jeff bezos song

bug eyes salamanders hehe

sexting (song)

i do believe this is just a silly song

the earrings tho omg

sounds like post malone hbkjdsnfskj

idk its still about like intimacy in quarantine and that stuff..

the knife (bit)

i know hes copying like other youtubers but like,,, what

stuck in a room (song)

the intro is very funny and relatable

classic bo i love it

i will say this special has been more reflective but i suppose it has to be

“look whos inside again”

i like the end too, this is all a fabrication

this is the clip where hes staring at the projection of himself from his old youtube videos which is sort of more like an ending to the “stuck in my room” song

sorry (song)

i love the 80’s style music and its like zumba

oh this is like an apology song

“father please forgive me for i did not realise what i did, or that id live to regret it” what a catchy line

i would say this is another more “classic” bo song where its self aware and funny

“my closet it chalk full of stuff that is vaguely shitty”

camera falling

this deserves its own bullet because its silly

i'm turning 30 (bit and song)

i remember him talking about this on a podcast and like,, damn i didn't know this also happened LOL

i really like how he did the lighting

“stupid fucking ugly boring children”

suicide talk (1)

this is interesting i like the use of the projection

this is something that could never have happened onstage

just like with the it being projected on him

i guess it could but it would have to be done differently and probably hed have to make it funnier to make it more engaging

intermission

i just checked this is about the halfway point.. Mh

i don't wanna know (song)

“i thought it’d be over by now”

i wish this was longer but i kind of like how its just a little snippet and then the cut

video game (bit)

“i guess i’ll cry again”

“is the dude big or is the room small” lol

hm depression

feelin like shit (song)

ohh the lighting is fun again

this is the tone shift i suppose

the feels like supalonely and the new kind of music

atl

panic attack

everything all of the time (song)

feels like brandon rogers

i enjoy this

this feels like “welcome to youtube” grew up

“a little bit of everything all of the time”

“apathys a tragedy and boredoms a crime”

ok olivia rodrigo

finishing the special (bit)

these feel like diary entries but as standup

interesting choice

jeffery bezos (2)

Why the seaweed suit

Where did he get that

the digital space (bit)

suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface

damn

pirate map anfdkjfnskjd

this was so stupid (affectonate)

that funny feeling (song)

the campfire vibes

kenny loggins

i don't get it..

is it about childhood, is it about the present?

i think its talking about the end of content?

“the end of culture”, to quote make happy

change and not liking it

“we were overdue, but it will be over soon”

if the second half of the special is like a panic attack this song is like a momentary pause before it gets worse

“so ive been working on this special”/breakdown

this was .. uncomfortable and genuine which i'm sure is why he kept it

all eyes on me (song/rant)

another sad thing to watch.. damn

me trying to tell if the audio was from make happy

i think he was trying to make it as if the audio was from make happy

this feels.. familiar

and obviously that is the point

“come on in the waters fine”

the use of autotune during the talking part... yeah

sad that he was gonna make another special… and it would have been totally different than this

i’ve decided i like the homage to make happy

It feels like hes made peace with it

the montage of him waking up and the “i think i'm done”

and then of course the ending where he's watching it over to remind us that its all fabricated

possible ending song/ “i promise to never go outside again”

ngl he looks good in the shirt with the haircut hehe

which i feel like is what he wants up to notice

and then like not think after we saw all his breakdowns

“i want to hear you tell a joke when no ones laughing in the background”

i really like the medley

Final thoughts

I want a blooper reel, but this doesn't seem like the kind of special

I also wonder if the songs will be on like apple music, but again, doesn't seem like the kind of special

I'm happy for him, he got to be honest and open and show us the sort of panicky stuff

this self aware comedy is exactly the stuff that i think will be making a comeback in the next decade. John better be pulling up with more deconstructed comedy.

I hope this has given him peace

#i am so sorry for clogging the feed #bo burnham #inside #inside bo burnham #make happy #what.#words words words #bo fo sho #oh bo

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rivangel · 2 years ago

Note

So I saw this post

On your profile

AND read your comment regarding if we wonder about what You think about Levi 🦋 The answer is yes.I personally think You being a psychology student makes all your perspectives even more interesting;and your talent with writing even Moore beautiful 💙❤️

Compliments aside though I would love to see your thoughts on Levi on a more personal level

Like why do You like him so much,is it because of his looks,his personality,maybe You have a more close to the heart (lol) reason for it? Because I personally relate yo him in a LOT of wats,especially his personality and the way he reacts to things.

Anyways I am not particularly great with words but i hope i got the point clear :c gimme your thoughts 😂😂😂

Nice to read You! byeee! 💖💖

BINGOOOOO🔥

i could write a whole dissertation on a thorough analysis on levi’s character tbh

i mean :( this man who quite literally came from nothing, fighting to live and losing everything he loves along the way, no matter what he does to protect them. because of his strength he feels SO much responsibility that even things out of his control are in the end his fault, things he needs to avenge.

like kenny leaving him?? levi thought it was bc he didn’t live up to his potential enough, he he became determined to be the strongest.

izzy and farlan?? he blamed his pride until erwin convinced him it was the titans. it became his mission in life to kill them all and make erwin’s dream realized.

his original squad?? levi was Very Clear when he told annie how he planned to torture her and make her regret what she did. this conflict was retconned in s4p2 convince me otherwise

he thinks the way eren turned out was his fault (him being levi’s responsibility from the start). his 30 comrades in the forest?? levi thinks he should have sussed out the poisoned wine. not to mention those times he let zeke get away.

baby feels he has NO worth other than his ability to fight. he is willing to become the worst person on earth if erwin’s dream can come true, and he even let erwin rest bc of the devil he was becoming even tho he believed it would doom humanity.

levi is simply. the most selfless character and also the most beautiful and brave and complex and badass. idek what else to say. ultimate blorbo status.

it’s SO much more than his looks dkvnsn canonically he looks so tired all the time and he’s so small that isayama cuts him off in most panels dkfnehfjr. ppl love to imagine levi tall but that’s just weird to me lmao. it doesn’t fit him at all. i think a large part of his character represents humanity’s strength itself as small but mighty hehe

i didn’t even Notice levi the first time i watched aot a million years ago?? but i think the type of person i am, i’m more attached to emotionally unavailable ppl who are v strong and v damaged. that’s mommy and daddy issues for u.

is levi my highest kin ever??? yes. abandonment issues? check. super awkward and cannot read social cues to save my life? also yes. emotionally constipated. loyal to a fault. always moving forward despite living thru a hell that would ruin other ppl?? this also. trauma. acts like the embodiment of a brick wall which behind waits the most sensitive person you’ve ever met?????? u bet.

i may or may not have latched onto aot in general when life was Awful so now aot is somehow my comfort show and him as my comfort character😭 i don’t think i can escape tbh

ONTO OTHER THINGS… the only reason majority of conflicts in aot existed (s2 as a whole, the rumbling fights, the yeagerists uprising in s4) was bc levi was somehow out of commission, injured, or had a plot excuse to not be there. such a waste imo.

absolutely got done dirty by fans who saw the 1 (one) scene from s1 when levi beat up eren TO PROVE THAT HE COULD HANDLE HIM as their sole proof that levi is a sadistic unfeeling asshole. those ppl watched the anime with their ass.

and please do not get me started on shipping levi with literal children and even incestually with his own cousin. gross.

lastly, irl i would be fuxking petrified to be around a stoic awkward person like him at first,,, but if shown 1 sign of who levi actually is i will fall immediately in love. i don’t make the rules.

my favorite character ever thank u for asking

#i have lots of opinions!#★play!★#levi ackerman #i’ve never mentioned my stance on proshipping but there it is

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real-south-park-confessions · 3 years ago

Note

Hey guys, i'm the anon who made the south park deaths post. It was until I realized, hey! i clearly could've done a better job at the writing so....

Part 1

KENNY:

I breathed in the cold, winter air as it escaped through the windows. I smiled joyfully, another great day in South Park.

I hear my mother call my name, "Kenny! Come on out here!" I quickly put on my orange parka and headed out from my room.

"We don't have anything to eat for breakfast today, so you're going to have to wait until you can eat at school." She sighed. I shrugged my shoulders in disappointment, "Okay.." My muffled voice spoke out. My mother brought up the topic of dad never getting a job and began yelling at him to stop reading playboys, and to actually do something with his pathetic life.

I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door. Maybe once I get to school It'll be better. I thought.

I. Thought.

I was walking down the sidewalk and hear someone call out my name. I looked up and saw Stan waving at me, alongside Kyle and Cartman just with arguing each other.

I made my way to cross the sidewalk, but halfway, I heard a truck honking.. I could hear Stan screaming, Kyle and Cartman still yelling at each other but louder this time, and feel my whole body shiver.

I felt the tip of the truck touch my parka, as if it was in slow motion.. then it all came crashing down on me. I could hear my bones cracking, feeling my limbs be torn apart by the impact. When I was about to cry, I died. Again.

I thought it'd get better.

I thought.

Why does this happen?

Why does god never let me be happy?

I then felt my body again, and this time I wasn't in pain. I was back, again, and It happened, AGAIN.

I woke up and proceeded to finally cross a sidewalk without dying this time. But something felt wrong. Stan looked like shit, as if someone important just died. Right in front of him. So was Kyle and Cartman, but they weren't as bad as him. Cartman seemed more confused than sad, and Kyle seemed more shocked than depressed. "Hey Kenny." Stan croaked. "You're back."

CRAIG:

What a great day to wake up to. My now, EX-BOYFRIEND just broke up with me because of "personal reasons" and that it just "didn't feel right." What a fucking asshole. I've been dealing with your freakouts just for it to come to this? Thanks, Tweek.

I didn't want to talk to anybody today. I'm just so pissed off right now.

I've never felt so horrible in my life. And i've been through stuff, if you know what I mean. I felt worthless, I hated myself. Why can't I be better? No, there's no point to that.

I slammed my locker in anger. It was so annoyingly loud that It gave me a headache. Of course. I felt someone send a glare over my shoulder. I couldn't care less though, I don't care about anything anymore. Except Stripe of course.

Just as I took my first step, I hear the front doors to the school bust open. It was a redneck. He was shouting in such a heavy Southern accent I couldn't even make out what he was saying. It sounded like gibberish almost. I then noticed the shotgun he was carrying. I began panicking and I stared at him like a deer in the head lights. I finally snapped back to reality when he fired his gun.

5. I turned around and started running.

4. I began crying.

3. I felt useless.

2. I felt scared.

1. I felt...

"Oh."

CLYDE:

I cried my eyes out. I've never felt more sad in my life. My throat burned, my heart throbbed, and I lost.. him.

I threw my fists up into the air, immediately slamming them back down again. "That fucking a-asshole!" Snot began dripping from my nose. "I HATE HIM!" I cried out. "IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT, I K-K-KNOW IT! TH-THAT BASTARD!" I started hiccuping.

"You're worthless."

"You're a piece of shit, Tweek."

"You ruined him."

"You can't even button up your shirt correctly! How dumb can you be?"

"He was better without you."

"He was happier."

"He cou-

"Just stop!" Tweek yelled at me. What was his problem? "Listen, I know I wasn't the best, I know I-I could've done better, and I'm sorry, Clyde!" Tweek sighed. "And you've been sh-shitting on me every day because of it, and I want you t-to stop!" I crossed my arms and puffed out my chest.

"And what are you gonna do about it, fuck face?"

"W-Well, I was wondering if we could talk about it at my place. And hopefully, we can resolve our problems."

At first, I thought hell no! I'm not forgiving this asshole so quickly. But then I had an idea.

I'll just kill him.

I applauded myself in my mind for such a great idea. "Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Th-thank you, it'll be at 8 by the way." Tweek quickly left.

After school was over I began running to my house, running through the newly covered snow. I ran through the front door, and closed the door. "Welcome home, Clyde!" My dad smiled. I ignored hus greeting and ran upstairs. Hearing my dad mutter "You must be in a rush..." His voice slowly faded out as I ran into my room. "Time to prepare." I grinned as I pulled out my laptop.

Time skip brought to you by Kyle's great ass.

I began walking to Tweek's house. I hid my butcher knife in my coat. He'll never notice! I glanced up and saw it. It. I noticed I began to sweat, no need to sweat Donovan! You'll just have to carry his body far out to the forest and no one would notice! Then you'll just leave, easy peasy! Tweek's parents were out on a date, so it was just me and Tweek. All. Alone. Together.

I knocked on the door, and it was opened immediately. "Welcome." Tweek's voice was unnervingly calm. "I've got you your favorite drink, Clyde. Why don't you head up stairs so we can talk?" He smiled. "Okay..." I got a bad feeling. I don't know why but.. I did. Something was totally off. Probably because I was going to kill Tweek and my nerves were just getting to me. So I set that stupid feeling aside.

I walked inside Tweek's room, legos were scattered across the floor. "Oh, don't mind that." I jumped. Tweek was so.. close. Wtf. "I was hoping we could try and build something.." He walked over to his desk and set our drinks down. I sat down next to him.

He held up his drink and said "Cheers?" Tweek smiled. I picked up my drink and returned the gesture, "Cheers." I began to chug my drink. Wow, it sure did taste odd.

I set my drink down along with Tweek. But as soon as I did, I felt my stomach explode. I fell to the floor gripping my stomach. I immediately started to throwing up. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!" I began sobbing. Tweek immediately ran over to me, grabbing my hair and shoving me onto the floor. "S-Shut up!" He growled.

"H-HELP!"

I began coughing blood.

"HELP M-ME PLE-PLEASE!"

I started to sob.

"I'M SORRY!"

I felt extremely light headed.

I started to throw up blood.

I felt like my brain was going to explode.

I just wanted justice.

I just wanted to help him.

Somehow.

But I couldn't.

I-

I failed.

okay

#south park #i didn't actually read this

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gaemkyuu · 4 years ago

Text

The Meeting

Warnings: implied intercourse, but not described A/N: First story that I am posting! I have four more parts, so if you like it, leave me a comment and I will post the others :) Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :)

Masterlist

The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future

The Meeting

“Quiet on set...! And...Action!”

Teagan watched in silent adoration as Charlie delivered his lines. She didn’t always have the opportunity to sneak away from work to watch him work, but today was an exception. The second season was well underway in the filming process and their popularity was increasing. Kenny noticed Teagan out of the corner of his eye and motioned her over so that she could watch the scene from the monitor. She was amazed at how Charlie looked playing Luke. She had met him three years ago when he was filming Season 1, but yet the boy on camera looked exactly like he did that same day three years ago.

***

Teagan had been visiting Vancouver that weekend to visit family and help her sister get settled. Her little sister had been accepted into the University of British Columbia in the Business program studying Accounting and Finance. She was the pride and joy of filipino immigrant parents as she was attending an esteemed university and getting a degree. All the while their oldest, Teagan, had opted for a non traditional method of getting into the marketing industry by working for a popular canadian clothing brand. Her sister was going to be a university graduate while Teagan worked her way up the ladder in a retail store. Teagan always knew that going to school wasn’t where her path was taking her, but she always knew that hard work, determination and experience were valuable assets in the job market. Something her parents would never understand.

“Charlie watch out!”

They were walking around Gastown in their cute summer dresses killing time before their dinner reservation, when Teagan was knocked over by another person. As she got her bearings, she felt cold liquid on her chest and the weight of another body. The other person quickly scrambled to their feet and profusely apologized, helping her stand as her cousins stood there in shock. She heard a couple more footsteps rush over to where she were standing, dusting off her butt and looking her tackler in the face. In an instant, Teagan had forgotten what had happened as she got lost in the deep green pools of the man in front of her. It wasn’t the eye colour that stole her focus, but rather the intensity of emotions that he conveyed through them. Teagan could see and feel the embarrassment, regret and sincerity of the man.

“Teags?”

Her cousin’s voice broke her trance and she blushed when she realized she had been staring. She noticed that two other people stood behind him, in which she assumed was her friend. One was fairly tall and blonde and the female with long auburn hair and a beanie. Teagan forced herself to focus on what the man was saying rather than the beautiful eyes in front of her.

“I am so so so sorry. I completely didn’t see you and didn’t mean to ruin your dress or tackle you to the floor” Teagan looked down at her once cute summer dress covered in iced coffee from Starbucks. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” Teagan stood there speechless.

“Uh-uhm- D-Don’t worry about it! It’s totally fine” Teagan felt slightly flustered and out of breath, her blush deepening as she heard her cousin scoff on the side. “I can quickly just go and buy something else to wear”

“Please let us pay for it! We feel horrible!” the man’s female friend offered coming closer to Teagan motioning the other two males as well.

“Seriously, it’s fine! I’m totally fine! Don’t worry about it!” Teagan couldn’t quite understand why she felt embarrassed when they were the ones who were at fault. “What happened anyway?”

“Our friend thought it would be funny to run away with my iced coffee and wasn’t looking where he was running. It’s my fault too because I was chasing after him” the blonde one shyly confessed, rubbing his neck apologetically. “I hope we didn’t ruin your night”

“We were just killing time waiting for our reservation. It isn’t for another half an hour, so we have ample time to grab Teagan a new dress” Teagan silently thanked her cousin as her brain was malfunctioning at the handsome man in front of her.

“We seriously feel so bad, can we please make it up to you somehow?” the female tried to offer some sort of compensation again.

“It’s totally fine, no hard feelings. It wasn’t like it was on purpose right?” Teagan’s brain started to slowly function as she declined the offer of the female.

“Seriously, we need to make this up to you two. I won’t take no for an answer and if you do say no, I’ll just follow you around until you say yes” The handsome man took a step closer to Teagan, causing her breath to catch and swallow deeply.

“Uhm, okay! I mean, if you won’t take No, I’d much rather just make new friends instead of gaining a stalker!” Teagan could feel her words tumble clumsily out of her mouth. Thus began the start of a new friendship. Teagan, her cousin and their new friends ventured to the nearest H&M to find something else for her to wear. Turns out that the other female, Savannah, had excellent taste in clothing. They all came to learn that they were all in the same age range, with Tegan being born in 1997 and Owen, the blonde being born in 2000. Teagan also came to learn that her handsome tackler’s name was Charlie and that all three of them were actors for a new Netflix project that was scheduled to air in the New Year. The three ladies got along incredibly and their shopping trip turned into all five of them going to dinner. They had lucked out when a table of 5 before them no-showed the restaurant. They spent the evening getting to know one another and a deep friendship was easily formed. Throughout the night, Charlie and Teagan connected on several levels and at times forgot there were three other people at the table. Occasionally the two would banter or tease each other, even though they had met that day. As their dinner came to an end and bills were paid by none other than Charlie, the girls exchanged contact information, planning to hangout on their next day off. But before Teagan could walk away for the night, Charlie slipped a piece of paper in Teagan’s hand apologizing one more time for running into her.

‘Coffee? This time I won’t spill it on you’ was messily written on the one side, with his phone number on the other. Teagan’s cousin didn’t notice the smile that lit up her face, but she quickly snapped a picture of it and tucked it in her purse for safe keeping.

That coffee date with Charlie ended up becoming a regular occurrence, though the only one who would be drinking coffee would be Teagan as Charlie always settled for tea or whatever dessert or smoothie he wanted to explore that day. She appreciated his adventurous side as she was creature of habit at times. She learned a lot about the industry and the many quirks of Charlie Gillespie. Soon, coffee dates turned into dinner dates and dinner dates turned into weekend cuddles and relaxation, but filming would eventually wrap and the holidays approached, leaving Teagan and Charlie to make a definitive decision in their relationship. Teagan didn’t expect to extend her Vancouver visit from a week to about a month and a half. Reality was coming fast ans soon Charlie would be back to LA and Teagan working in Edmonton.

“Charlie, what are we?” she asked him as both sat on the couch of his apartment. Mama Mia played softly in the background on the TV as she turned to face him.

“Well what do you want to be?” he cheekily asked her, flashing one of his killer smiles.

“Je suis sérieuse. Tu retournes à LA toute suite et moi à Edmonton. C’est quoi ça?" Charlie knew that when Teagan spoke to her in french she was serious. It was one of the things he learned early on about Teagan. He was pleased to know that she was fluent in french, having taken an IB course in high school, but they often bantered about their accents. She understood how french was a huge part of who he was and she didn’t speak to him in french unless it was important. She knew it got his attention right away since he was so used to being around people who only spoke english.

He paused the TV, complete silence filling the room, both of them facing one another. Charlie was off to Vietnam for the holidays and Teagan planned to spend hers with her family in Edmonton, seeing as she had made an impromptu extension to her trip in Vancouver. He knew that the next time they would be seeing one another they would be crossing borders to visit one another and to be honest the distance felt a bit overwhelming. But Charlie couldn’t shake the fact that there was something about Teagan that he didn’t want to let go.

“What’s going to happen when we both go back to living the way we were before one another?” Charlie chuckled softly to himself, knowing his decision. Teagan cocked an eyebrow at his response.

“Well nothing’s going to go back to the way it was before Teags” she loved hearing Charlie use her nickname. He said it in a way that sounded so comforting to her ears. “You’re mine right?”

“Define: mine” Teagan smiled coyly at Charlie, already understanding what he meant. “I need help understanding you. I don’t speak Charlie Gillespie Language” Charlie rolled his eyes and got down in front of Teagan, settling in between her legs.

“Teagan Jillian Valencia, will you be my girlfriend?” He jutted his lips forward ever so slightly to create the perfect pouty lips and then he comboed them with his best puppy eyes. Teagan shook her head at the dramatics of the man in front of her and kissed him on the lips, pulling him up and forward. “So, that’s a yes?”

She nodded and kissed him again, this time a little more aggressively. Charlie took the hint and started getting all handsy, but Teagan broke their kiss. “As much as I would love to do this right now, Owen comes home in 30 minutes and I would much rather him not walking in on us, again”

“Well let’s make this quick and move to the bedroom!”

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #fanfiction #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagines #imagine

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Note

From a Levihan shipper's POV, what do you think were Levi's feelings when Hange had to step on to Erwin's commander role after he died?? (His feelings towards her and the new situation she and the rest of the 104th were in with her on charge)

Oh god, questions like these really just want me to make a dissertation level discussion on Levi and Hange’s relationship and actually do something similar for academic research at times (but I ain’t no psych major or comm/media major so this is never gonna happen officially but I still write what I can anyway given my very unrelated academic background in this very small corner of the world.)

From a Levihan shipper's POV, what do you think were Levi's feelings when Hange had to step on to Erwin's commander role after he died??

Let’s start with what canon has to offer on Levi’s feelings pre Erwin’s death.

Before Erwin’s death it looked like Levi already knew Hange was gonna take over.

But in interactions after this and before Erwin died, there wasn’t much concern in Levi’s face directed towards Hange. Maybe because too much stuff were happening at once. Maybe he didn’t want to think too much that Erwin could actually die after that conversation so he never really felt the need to be concerned about it.

Or maybe.... Levi suspected that Hange would become the next commander long before it was even announced, especially when Erwin lost his arm and suddenly the death flags were everywhere and he witnessed Hange taking over commander work in Season 3 part 1 with the arrest of Erwin.

And what were Levi’s feelings when Hange became commander?

We will never know but I will drop by hc below after I point out some crumbs I noticed in canon which will support my theory.

There are more than enough crumbs for me to think that Levi felt a higher duty and a heavier weight responsibilities-wise when Hange was in charge. I mean even during those arcs were Erwin is out of commission and Hange’s in charge vs when Erwin’s in charge, we can see the differences in how Levi handles responsibilities and orders from authority.

In season 1 and also in Season 3 Part 2 with the takeback of Shiganshina, Levi would generally limit himself to whatever Erwin orders him to do which is in season 1, taking care of Eren and in season 3 Part 2, taking care of the horses. Somehow, if it’s Erwin ordering him around, Levi tends to follow the orders to a T.

But when Hange does the ordering as commander...

In Season 3 Part 1, Hange did actually have a taste of commander work . She was the one liaising with Erwin and she was the one calling the shots for the coup and when the military police was after the SC already.

And we could see here crumbs already of Levi’s tendency to pull a lot of the weight of the whole survey corps when Hange is in charge. Levi was suddenly everywhere. He was dealing with Kenny, he was searching all over town for the whereabouts of HIstoria and Eren.

Levi was generally freer with the orders and he took a lot of liberties with how he went about locating Eren and HIstoria. And when they were infiltrating the cavern where Eren was being held, combat wise, who was calling the shots? Levi.

Strategy-wise who were calling the shots? Levi and Hange. (And sometimes Armin? I kinda forget. I might have to rewatch that.)

Generally, his activity overall as a captain became all the wider since Erwin got injured and Hange had to call the shots.

And when Erwin finally died and commandership was passed on to Hange?

Levi took a lot of liberties with how they went about locating the basement.

Thought experiment: If Erwin had been there would Levi have just broken down the door of the basement? Or would he have waited for Erwin’s orders to do so?

That’s actually a question which a lot of people might have different answers to but I kind of feel that Levi would have waited for Erwin to suggest he broke down the door before he did. Because I actually don’t remember Levi at all, not following Erwin’s orders and every time Erwin does order Levi to do something, Levi rarely goes beyond those orders.

And here’s another difference between how Levi deals with commander Erwin vs how he deals with Commander Hange:

When they were talking to the reporters and Hange more explicitly showed here her lack of self esteem. Levi took on the weight here telling them that maybe they should start writing about the survey corps in a better light.

In comparison to when he is with Erwin, Levi never really talks over Erwin. (maybe because he doesn’t need to). He kinda did when he confronted him but Levi confronted Erwin has a friend. Here we are seeing the two vets of the survey corps talking with journalists professionally over a cup of tea and we see Levi talking over Hange, particularly since Hange was a bit down in that scene.

So what can this mean about Levi’s feelings about Hange becoming commander?

Despite Hange becoming commander, I feel like he saw both of them as equals who have to cooperate more than Levi actually having to follow orders and I think the crumbs above which show their interactions when Hange does give orders, proof of just that.

(Will probably tackle this meta again when the s4 anime shows more hints because I’m trying to forget a lot of the manga so I can enjoy it again.)

I actually think knowingly or unknowingly, Levi took it upon himself to support Hange closely as commander after Erwin died. Given what we know about Levi’s personality and the fact that they are the last two veterans left in the survey corps, I think it’s only natural that Levi would see Hange in a special light and he too, would feel the huge weight of responsibility on their shoulders

Levi as captain generally became more cooperative than submissive when Hange became commander. He would point out his opinions more on how she goes about her strategies and he would go above and beyond the orders set for him.

Some people might think “Oh, so Levi doesn’t trust or respect Hange as much as he trusts Erwin?”

Levi still respects Hange as commander of course and trusts her judgement. I mean if he didn’t trust Hange’s judgement he probably would have yeeted Zeke a long time ago but look, he was actually willing to hang with Zeke in the forest at Hange’s orders.

I think Levi’s intention or desire to take over a lot of the strategy and combat work and a lot of the commander and leadership work stems not from a lack of trust or a lack of respect for Hange but from an actual desire to take some of the weight off of her shoulders.

Hange is in the commander and virtually the weight of Paradis’ future is on her shoulders. Although Levi isn’t officially considered the second in command of the survey corps because of his special captain status, they are the last two veterans and I think it became an unspoken agreement by the latter part of the show that Levi’s judgement is god, next to Hange. And Levi acted more like a leader shortly after Erwin’s death to make it an unspoken assumption among the SC that his judgement is to be followed after Hange’s and he did it by taking more initiative on his end.

And more importantly he is Hange’s long time friend and I think Hange and Levi have worked closely for much longer as equals or two people who needed to cooperate so I think Levi would find it odd or it would have been incredibly out of character for Levi to suddenly have to follow whatever Hange says because he might know the flaws of Hange (having worked more closely with her as an equal) more than he ever knew the flaws of Erwin and thus, Levi saw his duty to support Hange more clearly than he would have had with Erwin.

In fact, Levi met Erwin, the first impression he ended up getting (after the whole I’m gonna kill him debacle) was “I’m gonna follow him.” With Hange, their first interactions were as equals and they have been equals for more than 10 years, which makes Levi want to support her organically more than anything, as a friend. And of course Levi wouldn’t show that side of him in public. In fact, Levi also wouldn’t undermine Hange explicitly if there were any other scouts around. (I don’t think he has ever done this tbh)

And of course, he would support her alone when it’s just the two of them and maybe he even has to be the shoulder she leans on as she goes through the psychological torture of the century with what’s been happening in the manga (you can read my meta about it which I linked below.)

I think I have hc-ed this enough to add it to my fics particularly: Would You Cry and No Goodbyes. And I also did some meta on Hange’s psyche which you can read here . All three of these complement my meta above so feel free to read what interests you.

Thank you for reading!

#levihan #meta

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