#and so many canon relationships that are so engaging like jesus

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

what some of the undertale fandom did with grillby fucking fascinates me like my god

[bellisima-writes]

A GO Season 3 Fanfic Friday

Hello fandom fam,

First let's get a few things out of the way - I believe the victims, and always have - they deserve justice and what happened with GO S3, I hope, is only the beginning. Having a 90 minute series finale instead of an entire season stings, but if it protects vulnerable people and gives consequences for a sexual predator, then it is what HAS to happen. We can be sad, but we must remain enraged at the actual cause, and him alone.

NOW. This is a fanworks blog, so I feel compelled to shout from the rooftops - There are COUNTLESS SEASON 3 SPECULATION/POST SEASON 2 FANFICS OUT THERE. And I know there is a population of the fandom who avoids them because they don't want to be disappointed (I was this person) - but guess what! YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ANYMORE.

So dig in, let loose, read every bit of Season 3 fic as your heart desires and choose the one you love the most as your version.

Here are a few of my favorite completed Post Season 2 works that have stayed with me:

Please note - Now, I've not read as many post season 2 fics as others, and there are a few giants that are not on here, and that's not to say anything about the quality of those works at all. I am just a human, with my own tastes and things I gravitate towards and things I shy away from.

Most canon compliant:

Factory Settings - the original and the best with an air of mystery that makes it almost magical. This is the closest to canon season 3 story I've read. The gist is after Aziraphale returns to Heaven he finds the Starmaker standing in front of him in Crowley's clothes, with no recollection of his life as a Demon. It's a beautiful story that if you haven't read yet, you should.

Sexiest:

We Can't Keep Meeting Like This by @gingiekittycat - if you want to read the sexiest, angstiest, heart-breakingest version of Season 3 imaginable, this is it. I LOVED this story, but I love this type of angst, so proceed with caution. Aziraphale and Crowley meet once a year to discuss the Second Coming, but instead of planning they keep having sex. There is a fully blown plot driven story here that is so great. When you're ready to handle heavy angst and the hottest smut around, read this.

Funniest:

Trial & Error by @fellshish - Fellshish is my favorite author to read when I need to smile, and Trial & Error is a fantastic post season 2 fic if you need some levity and a lot of heart. The plot is simple - Crowley is brought to Heaven to face charges that he engaged in trying to tempt an angel. The way Fellshish writes Crowley is one of my favorites: carrying himself with both his heart on his sleeve while also maintaining an unwavering amount of self worth and confidence, even if it's fragile. Crowley knows who he loves, and he knows who he is, and I find the balance of the two is rare in post season 2 fics.

Fics by lesser known authors: I always like to highlight the works of a few lesser known fics because our fandom is overflowing with amazingly talented people. So here are a few I've read that stood out despite not being as popular as the ones above.

The Beginning of the End (Again) by @addledmongoose - a sweet post season 2 story that focuses on Crowley being employed by Hell to stop the Second Coming by showing Jesus around Earth and trying to convince him not to end the world. Supreme Archangel Aziraphale hears about these clandestine rendezvous and is...jealous? The characters in this are spot on, paying respect to both Aziraphale and Crowley. Some angst, but not much, and lots of sweetness. And BAMF Aziraphale coming in strong to save the day. I definitely hoped for some jealousy from Aziraphale around Crowley and Jesus' relationship in season 3, and since that's not looking likely now, this fic will always hold a special place in my heart.

A Place for the End of the World by @kitty-kat-undercover - another tender and unique take on a Season 3. The premise is, after Aziraphale returns to Heaven the Second Coming is happening fast, so Crowley heads to an old friend's house in deep rural Canada to spend the end of days time. The characters have a ton of heart with some really lovely OCs that rounded out the story nicely. The prose in this one are the standout, as well as the tender care and time that's taken to paint a picture of the beautiful landscape as well as Crowley's heart. Like a warm cup of cocoa, this one is a slower, sweeter take on a Season 3, but it could be what people need right now. Also, never seen a better take on jealous Aziraphale than in this fic. Raging, angry, jealous Angel.

And because life is short, I'll throw my own in here - Time Marches Forward. More of a sequel to Season 1 than Season 2, if Season 1 ended with the final fifteen. This story follows Aziraphale in Heaven and Crowley on Earth as they march towards the Second Coming. No book of life, no deconstructing what secrets lie in the final fifteen. In addition to Az and C, this story has an angsty and powerful teenage antichrist coping with the knowledge of what he is and how he fits into the world and the upcoming plans for everything to end, a witch contending with knowing she destroyed the key to saving everything, and a Messiah who's been left alone for 2,000 years, waiting for his "big comeback." Lots of plot, in-depth character arcs for everyone involved, an incredible amount of heart, and an actual resolution that includes justice for Heaven, Hell and humanity. This story is very dear to me.

AND IF NONE OF THESE SOUND GOOD - Here you go: Post-Good Omens (TV) Season 2 - there are over 1200 works under this tag.

Go forth and feast, dear fandom friends.

[horizon-verizon]

Didn’t GRRM like, explicitly mention that although Targaryens practiced incest, they still had their limitations to what they wouldn’t do. I thought he literally said that Targaryens would marry siblings, cousins, uncle/niece, aunt/nephew, but Targaryens never engaged in parent/child relationships??

I thought that was made very clear in the books, that although the Targaryens have some odd and unusual customs, they still have lines they won’t cross.

Yet another example of the writers completely disregarding accuracy and canon for the sake of views.

And Hess’ weird agenda against Daemon.

(AWoIaF -- The Targ Kings -- Aenys I)

In the list of marriages cosigned in ancient "Valyria", parent-child ones were never one of them.

But to talk about episode 5's DaemonxAlyssa scene, they may have been not trying to establish that Daemon lusted after Alyssa/his own mother bc "Targs going a Targ" and they were actually trying to make Alyssa a device for Daemon's "come-to-Jesus" development. Having Alys making him confront his desires for a person w/absolute faith in him being a consummate leader, good enough to be a King even. That Viserys, the brother who rejected him out of suspicion of his self control, was wrong about him and actually as weak as show!Daemon thinks of him. Alyssa, lost & forever inaccessible from having died young when Daemon was 3ish, is unable to really contradict him or Alys.

It's not about attraction to mothers, but about her as a device sexualized using Targ incest merely for erotic visual pleasure...bc there are thousands of ways to have Alyssa--this woman who didn't conform to many female Andal ideals of upperclass female behavior & took both boys soon after they were born for their first dragonrides on her Meleys (yes, Rhaenys' dragon) but also dies from labor complications--serve as a "origin" point for some of show!Daemon's present issues with family concerning Rhaenyra, Viserys, and his daughters, even though even here I say he shouldn't have as that was supposed to be handled in his marriage to Laena as is canon, but that's a digression.

It's not just abt sex being used to advance everything and that being a GoT thing...this is about reducing a woman--esp this woman--to being a visual sexual plaything of either another woman or her own son. What did the sex truly ADD or explain, other than false notions of Targs' incest having less boundaries simply bc it is unlike the sort of incest nonTarg Westerosi practice? So bec ancient Egyptians practiced sibling marriage unlike Europeans having second cousin or first cousin or avunculate marriages, ancient Egyptians would be more liekly to be genuinely attraced to their own mothers without us actually thinking about what sort of boundaries the Egyptians would have socially developed themselves as Europeans also have?

Male gaze and xenophobia at their finest.

[lineffability]

on crowley's loneliness

there's sth that has been sitting with me vis a vis Crowley, loneliness, and what the fandom, largely, has made of it... and it is the notion, simply put, that Crowley is - well - lonely.

but of course he is, you might say, I've even got textual evidence for it! and you might quote Good Omens Season 2 Episode A Companion to Owls directed by Douglas MacKinnon and written by John Finnemore, and you might point to the final conversation of the Job Minisode, when they agree that being a demon/angel who goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can is...lonely!

and, yes, that's right and true.

and yet. still. I want to argue against Crowley being lonely. at least to some extent. I'm not saying crowley isn't lonely, it's more about how that loneliness is sometimes portrayed/interpreted/understood?

I think we need to look at Crowley's loneliness on different levels: his loneliness vis a vis humanity and his loneliness vis a vis the occult/his job/his place in the ineffable scheme of things

because it's right there in the quote, isn't it? it's lonely to be a demon who doesn't feel part of hell. it's not about being lonely on earth with the humans.

when it comes to humanity and friendships to humans, regardless how close or not they may be, Crowley is not lonely! he forms attachments, he meets and knows tons of people, he schemes, he has fun (Jane Austen anyone???? I mean it's actual canon) and yes of course they all die - of course Crowley's human friendships, just like Aziraphale's, are always slightly detached because , well y'know, they will outlive every single human they will ever meet, and that will influence your attachment style. they don't even really meet humans as equals, arguably, but they both have been shown to continuously engage in friendships, whether those are superficial acquaintances (like neighbor Maggie to Aziraphale) or genuine connections (like Leonardo Da Vinci or Jesus, both canonically really close relationships of Crowley's!!) but it's not even the fact that human friendships are fleeting that makes him lonely in the end - it doesn't cheapen the experience. he's used to people coming and going. it's the way things are.

where the loneliness hits, and yes it hits hard, is on the supernatural level. hated by heaven and hell etc etc. before he became closer with Aziraphale (so roughly around Job) he was truly a solo agent, all alone against the not-world, and this experience of defying both hell and his arguable purpose as a demon made him lonely where it mattered most. but Aziraphale has since been with him, they are the same, they are a group of the two of them and they are only lonely together, which is a different kind of loneliness. it holds defiance and partnership - us against the world.

he still struggles with purpose, both his own and that of the universe, he struggles with his own love for humans and God's seeming indifference to them, and there's loneliness in that too, or at least pain, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any friends??

ah I think this is the bit that gets me! that people think he doesn't have any friends! or that he doesn't have a life outside of Aziraphale! there we are, I have arrived at the core of my problem apparently. (idk if I'm making any sense with this incoherent rambling, I'm making it up as I go)

but basically I just have been irked by seeing this idea a few to many times that's basically: 'aziraphale is a happy little socialite who draws friends to him like moths to an angelic flame while crowley needily and sadly and longingly waits by himself for the angel to grace him with his company' (this is slightly exaggerated maybe but you get my drift, and I'm sure you've seen takes like that) (I love pining Crowley as much as anyone believe me, and oh boy does he do pine - but you know what I mean right??) (I just love this stupid optimistic and loving demon too much)

[archersgoon]

the thing about bartolina dying is that it did doom finnikin to be a freak about women but i don't think it's just due to the lack of her presence i think there's several other factors. because bartolina dying fucked everyone up forever. (see the rock & in particular celestina jr.'s response to jasmina.) like finnikin wasn't lacking for female role models in his early life he spent a lottt of time on the rock & his only named family members are the celestinas. but i think it's possible they were a little um. permissive with bartolina's son. in a way they might not have been if bartolina herself had been around.

i guess there's abian. but i don't think she was as present as she would've needed to be to offset the rock-nexus/king's guard (u know many of them were on some insane shit re women) split finnikin grew up with. because she was there when he was a newborn but she was speedrunning her relationship with august, so i think she would;ve been like. moving away & then busy, esp. w/ celie (celie disabling childhood illness truthers rise up), so she (& august) were a lot more distant than they may have originally planned (& trevanion (and maybe bartolina depending on what you think her rship w/ abian was like) may have wanted them to be). like you can see he doesn't really engage with them post-curse (pre-canon) & pre-curse it mostly seems to be a matter of "well august's my dad's friend, i guess i can play with his weird fucking kid. oh & abian's here too". so you end up with a finnikin who only really recognises his father & the guard as like. real guys with a life outside of him. & then post-curse obviously we know what sir topher's like. i'm going to be honest here guys i don't think he did a good job with the deeper-level stuff but i've lost my thread with this so i'll move on

like i think a good contrast here is lucian. bc he still has misogyny problems but they're much more in keeping with what seems to be like, standard in-universe. bc 1. he presumably still remembers his mother to some extent. 2. his life pre-canon was a lot more stable (i think saro -- and presumably his wife -- being a couple decades older than trevanion & having well-established job descriptions is a major factor in this) even post-curse the monts stayed sedentary & together. 3. he doesn't have being bartolina's son hanging over his head, but he does have many many female relatives both willing and able to say can you be serious for five fucking minutes you miserable worm. jesus fucking christ. any time he says something particularly egregious

[kristalllkula]

I’ve been yapping about this on other platforms for a few days now but I’m sick to death of rancid takes coming out of izzy canyon about how ed is DESTINED to murder stede when they’re alone in the inn because of ed’s propensity for explosive, uncontrolled and unprovoked violence.

I’m literally begging y’all to shut the fuck up and stop using examples of REAL abuse dynamics in order to justify your sanctimonious moral grandstanding and racism. stop pretending to advocate for victims of abuse while pissing all over the lived experiences of real human beings. this is MY fuckin lived experience!! I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months where I heard all the stories about his crazy exes and I thought I was special. you’re not advocating for people like me who have been harmed in relationships by trotting out pop psychology PSAs about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IN A TV SHOW.

here’s a true thing about me: when I was in a relationship with my abuser I put my fist through the drywall in my bedroom multiple times because I was being abused and headfucked. before I met him I had only lashed out like that one other time in my early 20s and after I left him I never did it again. I have never laid hands on someone out of anger as an adult (I did once, as a child, hit my much older brother with a wooden meat tenderizer but he also treated me like shit all the time and I got put in time out!!!).

does that mean that I, too, have a propensity for being unstable? am I capable of explosive violent outbursts? is whatever partner I have going forward at risk of intimate partner violence from me? I guess they must be because i punched a wall so many times!

(fwiw it was self-harm more than anything else.)

god I’m so fucking tired of y’all. it’s so fucking obvious to me that y’all refuse to engage with canon objectively because you cannot reckon with your own capacity for abuse/harm. go to fuckin therapy or do some volunteer work jesus fuckin christ. dont fuckin @ me.

[construingseacats]

Umireread: Legend of the Golden Witch - Chapter 3: Guesthouse

Sat, Oct 4 1986 - 12:00 Noon

The following contains spoilers for the entirety of Umineko. Please do not read if you are yet to finish it.

Interesting note in the tips about how there’s canonically multiple “on” servants on Rokkenjima, and that Kanon and Shannon just happen to be the two that we see. I wonder what Yasu’s other personalities are like… and how many costumes she has to be able to fool the rest of the family.

Not entirely related to Umineko, but I do like how George is still considered “one of the kids” at age 23. Speaking as a 27 year old, entirely accurate, he’s still a baby, but it’s so common to see pieces of media treat people in their early 20s as bonafide adults - so this is really refreshing to read.

BATTLER DON’T SEXUALISE THE FUCKING CHILD. This is undoubtedly the low point of Umineko jesus christ

There’s a point made here about Maria always keeping her promises - that’s joining the “George never lies” in the folder of things to keep an eye out for going forward.

George??? You can’t just laugh and say “the cousins didn’t feel complete” without Battler in response to him talking about groping a 9 year old??????? Like, maybe there’s a point here about how Yasu would have been a similar age to Maria the last time she met Battler and crushed on him, but really this is just indefensible, creepy writing that the story is much worse for.

Moving swiftly on - it’s interesting how Kanon is introduced as being around 2 years younger than the group, but Shannon is described as being the same age. I suppose it’s an intentional ploy to make sure they’re not twins (which would raise more suspicion about them being the same person, and could risk skirting close to Knox’s 10th), but it’s still something to take note of. I wonder what the ages of the other “on” servants are given as?

Yasu once again stuttering as her mind fills with thoughts of “hot boy”.

I hate the justification here. Like, I’m glad that Ryukishi is at least trying to paint Battler as more than a mindless perv by saying he does it as an act to lighten the mood, but like, you’re still writing him as a perv. You can just have him be charming without trying to randomly sexually harass every girl he meets. But then I guess he wouldn’t be taking after Kinzo, eh?

So. This scene.

I think of all analytical re-reads of Umineko, this is probably the most notorious scene to pick apart, since it’s simultaneously another case of Battler being a creep at the start of the story, but arguably one of the most important moments where Yasu’s entire plan was inches away from falling apart.

On the one hand, I am a sucker for the stuff going on behind the scenes here - Yasu wants to be caught. She wants Battler to discover that Shannon is a fake identity, but Battler being unable to “commit to the bit” (if you will) prevents him from doing so, and there is no universe where he is able to prevent the massacre before it even begins. It’s dramatic irony at its finest.

But… What message does that really give? The moral is “if Battler was more of a perv then everything would have been okay”, which is, uh, not good? The most charitable reading here is one of Yasu writing this scene intentionally as “I wish Battler was more forward/aggressive but he’s a real gentleman”, which I’m still not super on board with. That potentially has some insight into Yasu’s psyche and messed up relationship with sexual urges, especially if you see it through the lens of a metaphor for Yasu being unable to engage with other people in that way, but that still leaves us with the big issue here.

The biggest problem is this is another scene of Battler being a creep far before the audience is hooked. So far, we’ve been introduced to almost 20 characters, none of them have really done anything yet, the plot hasn’t progressed beyond “they’re here for a family meeting”, and our protagonist is out here sexually harassing women once again. I legitimately do not blame anyone who gets to this point and then immediately puts Umineko down, never to pick it up again. Maybe this would have been a good scene to put at the start of Episode 2 for the earlier reasons, but as is, it just does far more harm than good to the story as a whole. Nevertheless, we powered through it the first time, so we’ll keep pressing through here as well.

Nice pause before furniture here. I can’t help but feel that she scrambled for that excuse, and that the real reason she’s hesitant to stop people from Battler-ing her is, once again, because she’s desperate for her deception to be uncovered. 

It’s extremely funny to see this just plainly stated and brushed away. I sure hope this isn’t foreshadowing to Kanon and Shannon being the illegitimate heir of the Ushiromiya family or something.

Alright, after Battler being the absolute worst against Maria and Shannon, I think we’re through the low point. Don’t get me wrong, we’re about to barrel into the inheritance discussion, which is possibly one of the driest parts of the whole story, but I’m fairly sure all the perv stuff is out the way and we can stop being disgusted at the guy we’re supposed to root for.

There’s a throwaway comment here from Maria about seeing herself as unsociable and it just kills me. My heart breaks for her. Although we haven’t got to the point of her going full creepy kid, so who knows, maybe I’ll grow to hate her again.

Interesting first mention of the war here. It’s one of those details that seems superfluous in the moment, and you’re probably skipping over it automatically, but the history here is fairly significant.

The big door sound effect in Umineko is definitely one of the more iconic ones in it. I can’t help but think that it sounds a lot like a video tape being played (heck, maybe it is, sound design is all about lying to your ears). I know it’s likely unintentional, but it feels thematic with the whole elements of having a fantasy story play out before your eyes.

bore-ral intensifies

And here’s our Golden Witch.

Umineko is a masterclass in misdirection with a lot of its writing. There’s a common theme where it will walk you through a truth, but then go “but no, you’re smarter than that, that can’t be right” and make you abandon the reality that it just waved in your face. In this case, it’s the discussion about the Witch in the Forest and Folklore - you’re told there’s a Witch out there, but come on, you and I both know that these sorts of stories are just made up to stop kids from running into dangerous places, so that’s clearly false. Anyway, while your ego is being massaged, there actually is a Witch in the Forest that the kids needed to stay away from, get rug pulled nerd

Would the 2 year time period of the portrait being installed roughly line up with Kinzo’s death? I’m not sure if it’s just an element of the reworked graphics, but you can see a portrait in Kinzo’s study as early as the Prologue, so I’m wondering if they just took the one that he had in there and placed it out here.

There’s a line here about the whole thing being creepy as hell - I can’t help but wonder whether she’s actually talking about the portrait, or the whole covering for Kinzo act.

No wonder you feel the same misfortune, given she’s the one who blew up the shrine to test that the bombs still worked.

Aha, here’s the dismissal of the sexism in the Ushiromiya family that I was looking for. I’m happy to rescind some of my comments about the presence of it in Chapter 1, although the story did leave that hanging in the air a little long for my liking. Especially considering Battler needed way more redeeming features to make up for his actions in these first few chapters.

Once again, very bold of the story to be going into excruciating detail about the Ushiromiya family before any of them have been endeared to us. Getting all of the details out of the way now definitely makes for a better story later on, but man, I just wish that anything of import had actually happened yet.

A lot of the discussion on chauvinism and sexism takes a very sorrowful tone when viewed through the lens of Yasu’s writing. If women are only good as “borrowed wombs” and she’s reduced to the level of furniture after the accident…

I also feel pretty sorry for Natsuhi here as a fish out of water. I honestly can’t wait for Episode 5 to see her front and centre again.

And then they all starved. The end.

God this scene is so good. Jessica is taking any chance she can to rebel against having to pretend Kinzo is still alive. Seeing her go “I feel better without him” and having Natsuhi slam her down for knowing the real connotation of that is *chef’s kiss*

A sealed room… I’m sure we won’t be seeing many of them in the future.

It’s interesting how our first proper fantasy scene isn’t even related to the murders or the actions of Yasu, but of Krauss pretending Kinzo is still alive.

Kinzo would know all about having your own body used as firewood.

Honestly, it’s kind of incredible how this scene immediately establishes the servants as associates for the fantasy scenes. As soon as we get the red truth that Kinzo died before the game begun in the Episode 4 Tea Party, anyone revisiting this scene really has the entire game blown open for them.

Sure is, buddy.

Sure are, buddy.

The mental image of Genji just sitting alone in the study and kicking back as he drinks to himself is so funny to me. I can’t help but wonder what he was feeling in these moments of protecting the masquerade.

Yasu giving the gold medal to Yasu here. Everyone else is unworthy.

…Well, that’s what the story is about, at the end of the day. Dealing with the true leader of the Ushiromiya family having multiple people in the same body.

We’re still in the opening stretch and we’re already repeating ourselves, woof. I’m glad we’re getting more Kinzo time since he’s the one actively reminding us of the actual plot, but I don’t think we covered any particular ground here that we didn’t already show off in the Prologue. I wonder if anyone has done a count of all the times we get a proper “BEATORICHEEEE” in the story.

I’m really glad Jessica is having so much fun with the Kinzo lies. She clearly doesn’t want to keep up the facade, but has to, so she’s making her own entertainment out of it to cope with the situation. As someone constantly inventing personal win conditions and games to play to stave off the suffocating mundanity of a normal life, I relate to that hard.

End of Chapter.

Bonus round!

Ah, I'd entirely forgotten about the Fukuin house stuff - yeah, you're right. I'm actually mildly disappointed by that, since it kind of nullifies the point on Shannon and Kanon's names being a reflection of their Ushiromiya heritage (since they're just names given out to all the orphans), and also the idea of having more personalities than just these 2 was kind of fun. I'd definitely be interested in seeing someone take a stab at a forgery with a third Yasu personality in the mix.

Seeing George projected onto Battler is definitely an interesting take, although I'm still a little concerned that this is falling more into "Ryukishi is horny" territory than a fully fleshed narrative idea. As much as I'd love to give him the benefit of the doubt, it's a bit too suspect given some of the treatment Rika and Satoko received in Higurashi. I suppose the real thing to see is whether this crops up again post-message bottles, or whether we can truly confine this to Yasu's writing.

[venturismcdonald]

"I miss you, I'm sorry" by Gracie Abrams is so Dasey, a complete analysis (inspired by @filmmakerdreamst having it on their playlist for Dasey.) It's canon compliant angsty goodness. And fuck it, I'm making it Derek's point of view for shits and giggles.

I had so much fun doing this, please request other songs for me to do because these are a blast.

Do you remember happy together? I do, don't you? Casey gets engaged a few months after he leaves and Derek is fucking destroyed. They were happy. He knows he ruined it but still, fuck, he didn't think she'd fall in love so quickly. Were they just fake? He must've just been a rebellion, just like he worried. The perfect keener princess's one spot of rebellion, it didn't mean anything to her.

Then all of a sudden, you're sick to your stomach. Is that still true? She might've not been the one to run away, but to say Casey was completely innocent in their dissolution would be a lie. It wasn't because she was anxious, it's because she met Simon and threw up because they'd gotten the call he was being born while making out. Is she still pretending nothing happened?

You said "forever," in the end I fought it. Derek ran. He fought it just as hard as she did, if not harder, for years, but the concept of a long term relationship with a girl who wouldn't even hold his fucking hand when they were home... Yeah, he fought that. It broke his heart in ways that probably can't be healed (which is so stupid. Because Casey obviously doesn't give a fuck. He was just her rebellion and freshman mistake) because they were on the precipice of labeling what they were when he ran away.

Please be honest, are we better for it? Despite popular opinion, Derek isn't a complete idiot. He knows he was worse for running away at first, knew it the moment he boarded the plane. But he might be better too. Without running away, they never would've had the kids. Still, his stupid heart worries he's wrong. That it was the biggest mistake of his life.

Thought you'd hate me, but instead you called. The expected outcome was for Casey to fucking hate him and never speak to Derek again. Instead of that, she was the first to initiate contact after he left with just a note to her.

And said, "I miss you." I caught it. She missed him. What a fucking thought, that the girl who Derek loved so much it was a physical pain in his chest. And now here she is, confessing (in a whisper so quiet Derek would've missed it was he not a pathetic shell of a pining man) that she misses him.

Good to each other, give it the summer. They agreed: wait the summer out to see each other in person. It would allow any remaining feelings to go away.

I knew, you too. Better than anyone else on the planet, Derek knows Casey. And she knows him in the same way.

But I only saw you once in December. Christmas became the only time they saw each other. And even then, with the kids and careers and Derek touring, Christmas wasn't always when they'd see each other. They just didn't. It sucked but they didn't see each other.

I'm still confused. It's been over a decade since their moment. But Jesus, Derek still can't still screw his head on around her. He still has so many questions about their Kingston days and his own feelings, but especially Casey's.

You said "forever" and I almost bought it. If Casey wouldn't panic every time Simon was brought up, every time someone even mentioned their siblings, he would've bought that she believed in a future for them. One with labels and a defined relationship. But he was smart and knew she was an inch from running away if he didn't.

I miss fighting in your old apartment. Fighting about absolutely anything was a rush. Casey... Fighting her is wired to turn him on, alright? So yeah, of course he misses fighting her. Anywhere. But in college, in her shitty dorm, fights could end in such fun ways.

Breaking dishes when you're disappointed. Did she ever actually break a dish? No, Casey thought that was a waste of money. They came pretty damn close doing the dishes at George and Nora's a few times when he'd do something particularly annoying and instead of doing the flush bright pink all the way down to her toes thing, she'd just get quiet.

I still love you, I promise. With every single woman in London, so many random one night stands to try and get over her, none worked. Derek Venturi has been in love with Casey McDonald for what's probably a pathetic amount of time.

Nothing happened in the way I wanted. Sometimes, when Sky's with her mom for the weekend and he's out with the boys, Derek will think back to his stupid teenage fantasies. A life, kids with Casey, getting her to split his name once a day and always, always making her smile. That's what he wanted. Not this weird friendship where there are so many things they don't talk about (Kingston and Peter, mainly) and there's an ocean between them.

Every corner of this house is haunted. Part of why Derek visits home so rarely is that every inch of George and Nora's has a memory with Casey, she's fucking everywhere. Like a... Evil ghost or something. Whatever it is, she is responsible and evil. And now she took over their new house! And he's living in her goddamn guest house and really, Derek should stop calling places home if he doesn't want them to be haunted by Casey.

And I know you said that we're not talking. Not in so many words, but there were a couple of years there where they just didn't talk. He got it; Casey has responsibilities and was in law school while raising a toddler and dealing with a neglectful husband but still. It hurt.

But I miss you, I'm sorry. Even when she's just a few dozen yards away, Derek misses Casey like a hole in the head. And heart.

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse. Once they're reunited at George and Nora's, Derek knows leaving means going to a life knowing Casey's drowning and that's the last thing he wants. Staying is for her benefit as much as it is his own.

Everything I know brings me back to us. Music equals Casey, hockey equals Casey in his jersey (a dangerous thought), for fuck's sake, having a kid equals Casey. Everything is Casey, somehow. It's disgusting. He kinda loves it.

I don't wanna go, we've been here before. Because really, they've been together. He doesn't want to leave because he's had this gut feeling him and Casey are on the edge of something before. This is his chance to not fuck it up.

Everywhere I go leads me back to you. For god's sake, he went to Paris to get away from her and it didn't work. Casey is what the Derek Venturi compass always points to and he is simply a man. Who is he to deny destiny or whatever the fuck it is that has his heart practically labeled with her name?

[palepinkgoat]

TAG GAME WEDNESDAY: FANDOM EDITION (ok, it's Thursday, but let's roll with it)

Thank you @juliakayyy and @energieviefor tagging me!

your name: Karen

your age: possibly as old as your mom, youngsters

your first fandom(s): I was OBSESSED with Buffy in the mid season in particular, but I didn't really know how to connect with anyone, and our internet was very, very slow because we couldn't afford the better kind. And the computer was unreliable. Different times.

your current fandom(s): Shameless

how did you first get into fandom? I saw a clip on YouTube of the van kiss, which led to the kiss at Svetlana and Mickey's wedding, and then I was like WHAT and bought the 3 available seasons via amazon. I fell in love with every character, but we all know who ruled that show for me. At the time I was recovering from a serious injury where I couldn't really walk and had a lot of complications, so I spent a lot of time in bed re-watching the episodes and fan-videos/montages. Then I joined Tumblr, where I had 9 friends. I just lurked because I felt shy.

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? Oh sweet Jesus, since 2014. Not plugged in to social media for seasons like 7-9 just for reasons but I remained obsessed. The night the club kiss happened I seriously yelled and cried. I'm glad I could see that live because it was literally UNBELIEVABLE that that would happen and it was like a high intensity fandom moment. A group meltdown.

how often do you read fanfics? every single day

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Ian, Mickey, and I actually love Lip because JAW is fantastic and quite handsome.

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out. I'm pink_ink on Ao3! My first fic was written in 2014 and I was so prolific in 2014 and 2015! I can't believe how much and how fast I wrote some of that stuff.

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Oh man, that would be amazing if I could. But I can't draw anything other than a puppy I learned how to draw in the third grade.

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: Mickey was born at home and he has foreskin (aka was never circumcised). And Ian LOVES it. I will die on this hill. And despite Ian's disparaging comment in that highly stupid "carl is not circumcised" plot line (of course they would know he was intact, they would have seen his penis a million times in diapers and in dressing in close quarters, etc) he loves Mickey's dick just how it is. Which is with foreskin, obviously. It's (head)canon.

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? I'd show the wedding kiss because it shows a bit of the intensity of the plot, and it's one of the first things I saw.

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? I've met some amazing people who are truly my friends as much as those in "real life." I'm still meeting new people who are becoming fast friends as well. We are connected by this love that makes us all so happy, and that's an incredible root of relationships. I've met a couple people in person and there are so many of you I'd love to meet someday! There can be drama in any group, but I'm too old for that shit. So I stay on the sunny side and love it over here.

[inchidentally]

some of my trickier asks or things I want to keep out of the tags

[link was a twitter post saying they wanted to get rid of Oscar to have car|ando back together at McLaren]

AFASFGHLASHFL babe even as a car|ando person I have to let you vent that out because that is possibly the most cringe thing I have seen since maybe 2016. I am fully expecting DTS to do another segment on car|ando and frame it so that McLaren and Lando want Oscar to leave because he doesn't touch Lando enough on camera or use nonstop gay innuendo. forget teammates valuing respect for each other and piling up McLaren's hardware cabinet, why oh why won't Oscar tackle Lando to the ground or talk about dicks and balls with him for fancams 😭

sorry anon I'm just cutting off that last part bc I don't want to attract any discourse about it to my blog <3 but yeah I honestly find it baffling that car|ando ended up being the larry ship for F1 fandom when Carlos of his own volition chose to leave after one season?? if they were real life a couple and wanting sex all the time surely staying on the same team would make sense and that he wouldn't go to Ferrari and immediately start acting more like a besotted, handsy husband with Charles than he ever did with Lando yet no one thinks they're secretly married. why didn't he do like Daniel and stick it out with McLaren even during bad times to stay with Lando if real life couple

and straight up they're not only disregarding everything that Oscar has brought to McLaren and promises for the future ! they're deciding that Pato is disposable too. I say this as a semi fake fan but even I wouldn't base my predictions about contract negotiations on rpf.

<3 thankfully it isn't all of us car|ando people who go too far but it feels like the other side are getting louder and louder

honestly I can boil my two main issues with the car|andoisreal brigade to three points:

misogyny and publicly targeted hate toward their real life girlfriends who they actually do have sex with/have romantic feelings for and who they openly choose to be around at the exclusion of their sports bromance friend

this particular brand of car|ando revolving entirely around Lando being conveniently stripped of a personality apart from giggling so he can be handy insert for women desperate to have Carlos for themselves

bringing 1D shipping into yet another new fandom and basically rinse and repeat with Carlos and Lando's names inserted in the [namexname] box

I know that a lot of us car|ando folks are nothing to do w this garbage and the good thing is that usually these people take themselves out either by pissing off the men involved in the ship or getting bored waiting for their fake ship to "become canon" finding a new rpf ship to latch onto.

oh and I do know that the person who made the office meme about Lando saying the podium thing intended it solely as a joke but it found the Other Side real fast and they genuinely put it in their dossiers of car|ando vs |andoscar. which I don't get for many reasons but also if they think Carlos and Lando are in a secret gay relationship and Lando doesn't even like Oscar then why the need to keep going seeee seeeeee he loves Carlos not Oscarrrrr aslfhsalfhslahf jesus christ why am I even trying to rationalize this

thing is I don't want any more of this on my blog or in our part of fandom so I'm going to limit how much of any asks I'll answer about it. I don't at all mind if people need to vent but jsyk I might not always post it publicly.

I'd recommend blocking and not engaging with it to everyone else too. I might curb how much car|ando is on my blog for a while just because it's so embarrassing to be associated with the grown ass women stalking Rebecca/Carlos content and flooding it with car|ando comments.

[organizationhimself]

THIS IS A GREAT POINT AND I DON'T GET WHY THIS HAPPENED, sora's relationship to namine isn't even a "threat" to this ship! there are so many better, CANON reasons to ship soriku that actually establish their characters in a consistent and engaging way that isn't tropey and tired!

CANON REASONS TO SHIP SORIKU:

-kh1 wave scene/repeated "sora reaches for riku but riku doesn't reach back" imagery/you can do SO MUCH WITH THIS ALONE why don't i see it anymore

-riku's jealousy coming from a genuine fear of being left behind

-"you giving up already?"

-sora's unwillingness to let go of the possibility of saving riku, even when the villain tells him it's too late, even when kairi doubts that riku can be saved

-riku's come to jesus realization that ansem has turned him against his friends; "you won't use me for this!!"

-"take care of her"

-basically every interaction sora has with repliku in com

-riku being caught off guard and wrecked by zexion because zexion used sora's face to exploit riku's fear of being rejected by sora

-riku spending all of com and days watching over sora

-riku SACRIFICING HIS APPEARANCE for the sake of stopping roxas (and sora's memories within him) from being destroyed

-sora spending ALL OF KH2 TOTALLY FOCUSED ON RIKU LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR HIM

-riku's fight with sora in the land of dragons, teasing him with an extended hand

-THE HAND IMAGERY!! SORA FINALLY BEING ABLE TO REACH RIKU'S HAND WITH KAIRI'S HELP

-SORA CRYING AFTER FINDING RIKU AFTER SO LONG

-riku having a barrier spell he uses to protect sora DO NOT FORGET ABOUT THIS BARRIER SPELL I WILL SCREA

-the gayblade

-riku bracing himself for rejection and loathing as a consequence of his own actions only for sora to make him laugh

-RIKU SAVING SORA FROM XEMNAS

-the whole fucking beach scene, both of them being totally willing to stay in the dark forever if that was the cost of victory

-ddd just all of it i don't even know where to start (the attempted face touch!! the chasing and worrying!! SONG!! the faith and joy in seeing each other's effects on the dream worlds!! RIKU BEING THE ONE SORA CALLS OUT TO WHEN HE'S SUFFERING AHHHH)

-sora showing up to save riku from anti-aqua

-sora defending riku from xigbar

-riku being the only one left at ground zero when EVERYONE else is gone, when they've lost EVERYONE they set out to protect TOGETHER, and riku not giving up

-riku believing in sora no matter what, at their lowest points, learning to accept himself and not to run from his fear that sora will stop seeing him as someone worthwhile; riku looking up to and wanting to be more like sora and disguising this with rivalry

-sora refusing to take riku's shit but also refusing to give up on him no matter what, relying on his support unquestioningly even when he has no reasons left to trust riku, always pushing riku to be better; sora looking up to riku and wanting to be stronger because of him, wanting to broaden his own horizons because of riku, maintaining a rivalry that slowly becomes a partnership

-"protecting what matters"

-BUNCH OF OTHER SHIT I FORGOT

this ship is SO ESTABLISHED without relying on any fanon at all, it doesn't need to steal from other arcs! there's no reason to twist riku and sora's characters into something they're not.

there's no reason to take this from namine, too.

Actually also I've discussed at length more than once how replacing Sora and Namine in Namine's artificial memory of the meteor shower with Riku promising to protect Sora from it undermines Namine as a character but you know what!!

It undermines Riku also!!

Namine, who has never felt safe in her life, is inventing that memory to give herself a feeling of wanting to be kept safe and valued by Sora. She wants him to reject the thing that represents Kairi's arrival in his memories to protect Namine, choosing her over Kairi. But Riku's motivations and feelings about that event are totally orthogonal to all of that! It makes no sense for him from a character perspective to make that promise.

We know that the meteor showers at that time were the walls around the worlds shattering, and that Riku says Kairi's arrival on that night was what made him seriously dream about leaving Destiny Islands. Tiny Riku mentions to Terra wanting to leave and see the outside worlds, but before then, there was no real proof for him it was possible to leave, even though there was a rumor someone had achieved it previously. The meteor shower to Riku represents the freedom to make something bigger of himself that Xehanort himself plays on ('to the heart seeing freedom, this place is a prison, surrounded by water'). It changed his life in a way that is almost more significant to him than to Sora.

Riku seeks change and growth, it's Riku who wants to build the raft and leave, Riku who wants to push Sora in kh1 to step outside his comfort zone. Thematically, why would Riku react to this life-changing event that inspired him to leave home by promising to reject it so Sora isn't scared?? That's just not at all in line with Riku's desires prior to kh1. His role is to push Sora forward and embrace change; why would he promise to fight off the narrative harbinger of change??

(Also, tbh, we've seen no indications that Sora would be anything but hyped for a meteor shower; the only character who ever expresses fear of something like that is Namine. Sora is COMICALLY gung-ho until DDD tanks his confidence, not to mention that this is after he's absorbed Ven, who was HYPED for the BBS meteor shower; there's no reason beyond knee-jerk uke-seme yaoi trope nonsense to paint him as needing that kind of protection from Riku.)

[peaceofthespirit]

Dr. Chrissy Stroop (an ex-evangelical atheist writer I follow on twitter) often makes such great points about how we can't just say "oh those people aren't real christians!!!" when fundies do something regressive in the name of Jesus. Those people have arguments that still use the bible and Christian tradition, whether we like it or not.

Melissa Florer-Bixler, a Mennonite pastor and writer, also recently brought up that "Christian" is pretty much a broad sociological category unified only through members' self-identification.

I've been thinking about all this a lot. One thing I went through as I began deconstructing was my relationship to the Bible and Christian tradition. In some ways, tradition didn't matter for me as much, since I grew up non-denominational in a church that wanted to get rid of "idolatrous" traditions and get back to the spirit of the "early church." But when it came to scripture, there was apparently no valid questioning of it in their eyes (which is hilarious considering that the biblical canon didn't exist in the early church?) Anyways, after I began to read the Bible more critically (and keeping in mind historical or cultural context/differences), I began to realize that I sometimes just didn't like what it was saying. I typically have never felt that way when I read teachings ascribed to Jesus (at least in terms of the basic meanings), but other parts of the new testament? Sometimes I just disagree (same goes for the old testament too but I'm talking about the explicitly Christian texts here). And many critical, biblical scholars assert that a lot of the new testament disagrees with itself in many places anyway (letters and texts written by different people who probably didn't agree on every detail?? hello??). So for me, I continue to identify as Christian because I see myself as a follower/disciple of Jesus, or at least someone in constant dialogue with his teachings (not to say one can't ever go further or find new insights). But while the evangelicals I grew up with claim that they are Christians because they affirm specific things about the person, death, and "resurrection" of Jesus, their Christianity is more than just that. No matter how much they love to claim that you don't need "works" for salvation (that's a whole other can of worms), they still follow so many rules and take the whole Bible extremely seriously/literally (at least their specific interpretations) and refuse to "disagree" with the canon texts.

So I then I see people say stuff like "how can I stay Christian? Especially when Christians are so terrible?" Well first of all, what matters first and foremost is your actions and well-being. If you don't want to engage with Christian texts or traditions anymore, or don't want to call yourself a Christian, that's totally valid. In fact, I think that Jesus himself would totally understand. Just go be a good person and take care of yourself.

However, I personally have no issue identifying as a Christian, largely because what I believe is so different from what the fundies believe. Maybe I would struggle if I was still holding the text in a similar regard to them and sticking to fairly "orthodox" church teachings/canons/etc. Because while one can be progressive and still take the Bible somewhat literally, you get the same issues of how tightly you are holding on to certain interpretations, presuppositions, historical pictures, and etc. You see how someone who has a strong allegiance to a specific church/understanding in a way that parallels your own convictions can turn out to be so un-progressive.

So what I say to that is, let go of certainty, and hold on to what you love about Christianity (which is typically the essence of Jesus's messages). Don't be afraid to be someone who others wouldn't really consider "Christian" because you are willing to eschew the hierarchies that have made their way into the church and traditional theologies.

[zmediaoutlet]

I am SO glad I’m not the only one who cringes at the found family stuff! There are plenty of stories where that applies, but spn is NOT one of them.

One of the best things I ever read about Supernatural’s fandom... ‘issues’, let’s call them, was from Aisha Tyler. She was talking about Supernatural in some context and someone went ‘ugh that show doesn’t even have female characters, I can’t believe you like it’. She responded, in essence, “this show doesn’t have to be every single thing you want it to be.”

SPN is a show about two dudes. Two. 2. Those two dudes are brothers and they’re the focus of the plot and all the themes. Every time the show forgot that was what it was about (cough, Dabb era, cough) it got worse. Every time it held true to that, it was better.

That’s why fandom’s insistence on trying to make it all kinds of things it’s not has always boggled me. There are so many shows about female characters. There are great shows with found family dynamics. There are shows where the characters are in high school and have little high school problems and work through them. There are shows where romance is a part of the plot and that’s important. There are shows where the main characters sit on a couch.

Supernatural isn’t any of those. It’s what makes it different and interesting---this obsessive interest in these two particular dudes from this particularly weird background in these particularly interesting situations. That’s the only reason it’s worth watching. No, we didn’t need a long digression about Claire and her gal-pal. No, we didn’t need ‘family night’ in the bunker with Dean and Cas and Sam and Eileen and Claire and Jody and and and. Sam and Eileen didn’t have an interesting relationship and, indeed, the point of it was that it was fake. They aren’t getting married. No one is getting married. That’s not what the show is about.

I’m kind of adrift with fandom lately, honestly. I keep seeing results from these surveys---which of course are jokey and silly and not that serious, I get that---but I see the responses nevertheless and I’m like, jesus christ, who are these people. I queued that post a little while ago where the OP was going, “look, I get that all this shitposting is ha ha fun but some of us actually like to engage with canon because we like canon,” and---seriously, yes. I don’t want christian lesbian Sam. Dean quitting hunting to start a bakery and paint his nails makes me depressed. It’s really really tough to find the narrow wedge of people who like the characters for who they are on screen and understand them the same way I do. A Sam with a spine who actually likes Dean; a Dean who isn’t a miserable asshole. The two of them together and loving each other and weird in the delightful canonical way they are weird. Pls, fandom. Don’t completely toss those guys in the garbage. I just think they’re neat. :/

[teaandatale]

Hello I’m late to the party but pls tell me more about SteggyDiplomatic???

Late Reply to WIP Game 

Hehehe, I thought you might be the one to ask me about this one. SO, it’s not quite what you were thinking I’m sure, BUT congrats, you picked the one SUPER SECRET STEGGY FIC IDEA that I put on that WIP list.

Why super secret? Idk, my brain decides some fic ideas need to stay super hush hush until they are fully realized. Also because in my head this one is a saga, where I have literally have it in mind that there will be 3 Parts to this long fic. As is the preview here.

Also this one kind of goes real dark, so read on at your discretion.

Basic Synopsis: Peggy & Steve are both children of Diplomatic parents. Steve’s father is a particularly powerful politician. That’s how they meet, as children in some Diplomatic Day Care while at some UN Conference or Summit, or similar. Steve gets picked on by some of the other kids (Gilmore Hodge in particular) and Peggy, who is already a mouthy wise-cracking 6 or 7 year old, has paid attention enough to her brother and parents using big words to use them to her advantage. Because their parents work closely, they end up crossing paths more and more as the years go on. They also start sending each other pen pals letters when they are separated, developing their own code. They’re each others first crushes, and in their teens, while the Carters are in NYC for UN meetings, the unsaid things between them becomes an understanding. They go on a museum date and Peggy gives Steve his first kiss in Central Park. By the time they graduate high school, they’re pretty serious, to the point where Peggy decides to move to New York to attend college. The fic would follow their lives into adulthood, and their growing relationship.

Because Steve’s dad has a military background along with his political work, Steve ends up following in the “Family Business” in a somewhat SHIELD like organization... But one that definitely is quietly overrun by Hydra. Peggy also follows into Diplomatic work, and creates her own ties to SHIELD. There they meet Howard Stark much as we know him in canon, as well as the Jarvises. Steve & Peggy start to think about the future, carving one out for each other -- starting a family away from the Diplomatic life, away from NYC.

But then a series of tragic and mysterious events occur. Bucky’s unit gets targeted and he’s KIA. The organization’s Steve’s father runs, dark side begins to come to light. Then Steve’s mother contracts a mysterious illness and passes away. While Steve is grieving, Peggy starts to put together some pieces of intel, especially from her side of SHIELD. She knows something isn’t right about Steve’s father. And once she’s onto him, Steve’s father starts to sow seeds of doubt and poison Peggy’s image in his son’s eyes. Peggy fights it. Until she finds out she’s pregnant. But she never gets a chance to tell Steve. Whatever his father’s toxic influence strength, it’s taken hold in Steve, to the point of him saying he could never love her. Peggy, at her wit’s end, needing to regroup and figure out how to move forward with becoming a mother, leaves him a letter with the sonogram. Steve never opens it.

Flash forward to Part 2.

The Rogers men have done their part to isolate Peggy, Steve having been successfully radicalized by his father, taking his place as second in control, engaging in the heinous side of SHIELD. Months and months go by... And Steve eventually, away from the influence of his father, happens upon Peggy’s letter. He reads it, and whatever hate his father created melts away. She was pregnant. That’s what she had been trying to tell him that last time they met. Steve reevaluates everything Peggy had been trying to tell him about Steve, about his father. He confronts his father, carefully avoiding mention of the baby.

“You think I don’t know you knocked her up? If my efforts to make sure that bastard child isn’t miscarried didn’t work, she’ll still be stuck with the bastard of a bastard. Unmarried and a stain on her family. You will never see them. Never,” his father says. “Besides, do you really think she would want anything else to do with you? Not once she hears all the horrible acts that Steven G. Rogers took credit for. Oh yes son, I planned for all contingencies.”

It’s the first time Steve fights him directly, physically leaving scars on his father’s face and has the flee, branded a fugitive from justice now that his father has falsified Steve’s involvement and blasted it through all media.

Steve doesn’t care. He’s done with the family operation. Done with the toxic family that turned him against the love of his life. That was pregnant with his child. If he still had a child... He hopes so. He’s lost too many people already.

With Natasha & Sam’s help, after shaving his face and head and overall changing his appearance, he leaves for the UK, in hopes of tracking Peggy Carter down. Only there’s no trace of her. Or a child. Anywhere. She’s become a ghost.

In the middle of nowhere England, alone, tracking any lead he can find, he clutches Peggy’s letter to his chest, and hopes he can rectify this one day, to make amends for betraying the one person who always saw him for who he was. He keeps a low profile in shitholes in London, trying to find the Carter family, while avoiding his father’s radar. He starts to realize even Peggy had secrets he didn’t know about.

Years go by without a trace... Until there’s a scent on the trail...

Peggy’s kept this particular fake public safe house for years. And though she doesn’t really live in it, even in the dark, one night she knows something is not right. She fakes taking off her coat, setting down her purse until she’s got her weapon loaded. She can’t deny that her heart is in her throat. There, in the dark of the kitchen, a split second after she flips the light on, is Steve sitting at her table, hunched in the chair, jaw tight, and eyes of a wild animal. He’s grizzled, and looks dangerous. Even if she’s expected this to come, fearing this the second word got out that he went missing, she’s terrified. His mouth turns into a grimace letting out a single sound.

“Wh-”

Peggy aims her hidden weapon and shoots. His eyes go wide and he’s crying out in pain. She remains standing, tall and steady, gun at the ready. His fingers come up to feel the dart embedded in his neck.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Peggy,” she hears, each subsequent word more slurred than the one before. What shocks her most is his tone, hardly mad that she shot him, more annoyed than anything. It was the tone of Steve, her Steve, not the monster. He slumps over the top of the kitchen table. She blinks, watching him for a moment, hesitating until finally, a minute later, she calls Stark for reinforcements. She doesn’t cry, does not move an inch, not until the vehicle pulls up in the drive.

And... I’ll leave you there ;)

[gil-estel]

~✨gil-estel’s long-promised spn rec list✨~

the general criteria:

(all fic will fit at least one, many will fit most)

✓ long (10k+)

✓ published after 2017

✓ canon-verse

✓ plotty and/or casefic

✓ nuanced exploration of dean winchester’s bisexuality

the fics:

Bender by vipjuly (destiel, 13k, rated E)

In order to protect a sorority from a vampire, Dean allows Rowena to transform him into a girl so he can go undercover.

He's still Dean. Just in a female body.

This is surprisingly easy.

Build a Home by domesticadventures (destiel, 20k, rated T)

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn’t.

Everything Comes Back to You by VioletHaze (destiel, 33k, rated E)

Dean knew better. Of course he did. But Cas seemed so charmed by the antique-filled bed and breakfast that Dean went along with it when the proprietor mistook them for a couple. Telling himself it gave them a strategic advantage to be so close to the crime scene, he agreed to the weekend special she offered them. When the case ended up being a bust, they stuck around anyhow because hey, the second night was free…

it never gets dark by vaudelin (destiel, 30k, rated E)

Normally Dean wouldn't get out of bed for a run-of-the-mill kidnapping, even without the hangover, but when Sam can't even write out the missing kid's name, he has to admit something's up.

Helping Sam, Patience, and Claire figure out who (or what) erased all traces of the kid is as good a distraction as any to get over Cas bailing from an abortive love confession. But when finding answers comes at a terrible physical price, the team is left with no choice but to call in any help they can get.

Like it or not, Dean and Cas have some uncomfortable truths to confront, and when worst comes to worst they'll discover what truly matters in the end.

Kelp! I Need Somebody by andimeanittosting (destiel, 27k, rated E)

It’s been a week since Michael was defeated and Dean freed, but Castiel can’t seem to get back on the horse. Dean, on the other hand appears to have bounced back completely, with one small exception: he no longer dares touch the now-human Cas at all.

When they receive a call from Jesse and Cesar to come investigate a series of mysterious drownings near their New Mexico ranch, Dean jumps on the job, much to Cas and Sam’s dismay. But more challenging than the kelpie they encounter, Jesse and Cesar’s relationship holds up a mirror, showing Dean and Cas the future they wish they could have. When Rowena and Charlie get involved, a shake-up is inevitable.

let me lay here so slow (i need never get old) by vaudelin (gen & bg destiel, 10k, rated G)

The day of Dean's fortieth birthday, told from Lebanon's point of view.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers (destiel, 31k, rated E)

dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas.

One Cold Night by xylodemon (destiel, 16k, rated E)

"Dean, are you all right?"

"Yeah. I'm just —" Dean shivers again. His teeth clack together. "Jesus Christ, it's cold."

So Goes the Song by aeli_kindara (dean/lee webb, 21k, rated E)

The first time Lee meets Dean Winchester, it’s courtesy of a chokehold.

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (destiel, 46k, rated M)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

Suck It, Judy Garland by midrashic (destiel, 20k, rated M)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

Superheroes by aeli_kindara (dean/omc, 4k, rated T)

"I fuckin' hate group projects."

Dylan gives Dean a wary glance. He gets it — he’s not the biggest fan of these things himself. But when you’re a group of two, “I fuckin’ hate group projects” is awful close to “I fuckin’ hate working with you.”

In which a teenage Dean Winchester makes a friend and leaves something behind, and Sammy doesn't know when to shut up.

Talkin’ Bear Mountain Picnic by MittenWraith (destiel, 41k, rated E)

Strange things were happening in a small town in Northern Maine that had gained a reputation as the most honest town in the world in only a matter of weeks. Residents were going out of their way to confess their sins-- everything from jaywalking to murder, infidelity to true love. Sam, Dean and Cas all have their own reasons for wanting to stay far away from an honesty curse, but with Jack and his natural bluntness serving as their last line of defense, they decide to investigate. The last thing they need is another Veritas situation on their hands. The honest little town might be enjoying their newfound liberty to speak their minds, but the cause of this particular curse might prove to be Dean and Cas’s undoing.

The Thirty Six Questions That Lead to Love by aeli_kindara (destiel, 13k, rated M)

“So I need you to be my gay dads,” says Claire.

Though The Course May Change by imogenbynight (destiel, 51k, rated E)

After a couple who went missing several years ago from an Oregon couples retreat are mysteriously returned on the same night that another disappears, Dean and Charlie plan to go undercover to find the cause--until Dean's foot meets his mouth, and he finds himself fake-engaged to Castiel instead.

The Tunnel of Love by xylodemon (destiel, 21k, rated E)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."  

Dean just stares at him.

You Start to Grow Wings by FagurFiskur (dean/omc & destiel, 11k, rated T)

Dean feels his face warm up, suddenly all too aware that he’s sitting right next to his very male friend. He can’t make himself look over, too nervous that he’ll catch Eli’s eye and make this whole experience even more excruciatingly awkward. He wants to leave, but he also doesn’t wanna call attention to how uncomfortable he is.

He’s known gay people exist of course, but he’s never seen them outside of Very Special Episodes on sitcoms. Never seen something so explicitly, in-your-face gay.

At seventeen, Dean falls for another man for the first time. Twenty years later they happen to meet again and things are somehow much more complicated.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

August Contest Submission #4: Crown of Thorns

Words: ca. 1,600 Setting: Canon Lemon: Lime CW: Mentioned kristanna and elsamaren, pregnancy, language

AN: For those that aren’t aware, crown of thorns is a species of flowering plant that is associated with Jesus. Unfortunately, the plant can’t survive below 50 °F/10 °C so its inclusion as the title is only metaphorical.

–

  Elsa woke, a heavy ache in her chest. She expected it, even felt it last night as declarations of love tumbled from her lips. Her heart was breaking, and she knew she only had herself to blame. She never should have let this happen, never should have given in to her desires. She was corrupted, plagued with vile thoughts, and twice cursed. Her powers may have been accepted by the people of Arendelle and Northuldra, but the feelings she had- that she had acted upon- would never be. As the ache grew into self hatred, she sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed.

  “Morning,” came the soft voice behind her.

  Elsa’s breath hitched as a hand made its way languidly down her naked back. She closed her eyes, briefly allowing the sensation to overcome her senses until a yawn filled her ears.

  “Anna,” she said without looking at the other occupant in her bed, “We can’t do this anymore.” The pain of saying it aloud nearly crippled her. She wanted to fall back into her lover’s arms, to say she didn’t mean it. Instead she braced herself for the protests she knew would come.

  The bed shifted beneath her as her younger sister sat up. Elsa imagined the sight of Anna’s tangled hair, freckled shoulders, pert breasts, and the small swell of her belly. She opened her eyes and reminded herself of their reality. They could not be. Especially now that Anna was with child.

  “Elsa,” Anna’s voice broke through her thoughts as two arms began to snake around Elsa’s abdomen.

  Elsa immediately stood up and walked to a plush reading chair in the corner of the room. She looked up at her sister. Anna looked pained, but Elsa held strong. She knew she was doing the right thing, even if ending their relationship hurt.

    “Els-”

  “No, Anna,” She said firmly. “We cannot keep doing this. You have a husband. You’re expecting a child-”

  When Anna told Elsa she was pregnant, it came as a shock. She had known, in some distant, nebulous way, that Anna would have to produce an heir at some point. As Arendelle’s former sovereign, Elsa once held that burden, even though she had known she never would for fear of passing down her powers. When she stepped down to remain in Northuldra as the Fifth Spirit, that burden fell to Anna. And everything looked to be going well for a time. Anna and Kristoff were engaged, Elsa was happy in Northuldra, and she was even beginning a relationship with Honeymaren.

  Until a few months before Anna’s wedding. Elsa’s visits home increased during the months leading up to her sister’s nuptials to help with work and planning, and something changed between them. After a confession of loving Elsa more than anyone, including Kristoff, Anna realized that her love was both familial and romantic. And Elsa returned those feelings.

  The night of her wedding, Anna excused herself from the ball in order to drag Elsa out to the chapel, a maniacal grin plastered on her face. When they arrived, Elsa completely confused, Anna produced two bouquets of purple and yellow crocuses.

  “If I can’t properly marry you in daylight, then I’ll marry you in secret at night,” she’d said. The vows that followed promised everlasting love and devotion and were sealed with a kiss.

  Even as Anna was whisked away later to fulfill her marital duty, she promised Elsa that they would be together soon. And they had been. For nearly a year, they carried on their affair in secret. Until Anna’s pregnancy reminded them of her obligation to the kingdom.

  The thought of Anna being with Kristoff made her stomach turn. Elsa hated thinking about them together. No matter how many times Anna assured her that she felt nothing but friendly fondness for Kristoff, Elsa’s knowledge of their intimacy caused jealousy, regret, and pain. Elsa pushed those feelings aside now and turned her attention back to her sister as Anna shook her head.

  “I’m doing that for Arendelle, Elsa. I’m doing it for the kingdom; it’s not what I want.” Her younger sister’s eyes pleaded with Elsa to understand. “I want you.”

  Elsa breathed in deeply before exhaling. “Anna, are you telling me that you do not want your child?”

  “I-” Anna’s face contorted into a pained sadness. “I- I do want my child. But why can’t I have you too?” She moved to the chair and kneeled down in front of her older sister, taking Elsa’s cold hands into hers. “Why can’t I have both?”

  Elsa untangled their hands. “Because it isn’t right, Anna. What we’re doing isn’t right.”

  “Why? Why was it okay before but it isn’t now? Help me understand, Elsa, please.” Anna’s teal eyes shone with unshed tears.

  Elsa glanced down at Anna’s belly. “You belong with Kristoff. He’s the father of your child.”

  Anna shook her head again. “You know I want you. Kristoff is… he’ll be a fantastic father, but you know I don’t love him. My heart doesn’t belong to him. It’s yours.”

  Elsa stood and walked back towards the bed. “No, it doesn’t. It can’t. Anna, we can’t stay together.” Each word was like a dagger, especially after Anna’s profession, but she knew it would be for the best.

  “Why are you doing this, Elsa? Why are you taking our happiness away?” Tears rolled down Anna’s cheeks and she stood behind her sister. Elsa anticipated Anna reaching out and turned to stop it. The sight of her sister crying broke her further, but she remained steadfast.

  “Because it was never our happiness to share,” she said coldly as she willed an ice dress to form around her pale body. “We were never meant to be anything but sisters. You may not understand my reasoning, but I am doing this for you. For your family.”

  Anna grabbed a robe from the floor where it’d been discarded the previous night. “You’re my family, Elsa.”

  “No. Your family is here,” Elsa allowed herself to reach out and briefly touch Anna’s cotton covered abdomen before walking to the balcony doors, opening them. “And here.” She looked out upon Arendelle with a sad smile.

  Anna walked over and stood next to her. “You’re also my family, or are you going to deny our sisterly relation too,” she spat, her emotions turning to anger.

  Elsa turned to her. “I could never deny you, Anna.”

  “Then stay with me.” A brief hope filled Anna’s eyes.

  “I must deny that. It’s for your own good, Anna. One day you’ll understand.” Elsa kissed her sister’s forehead before walking back towards the bedroom door.

  “You’re a damn martyr, Elsa. You know that? You are choosing to be unhappy. You’re choosing wrong. What about our vows to each other?” Anna’s anger simmered. “You promised to love me.”

  “And I will always, Anna; but, love isn’t enough for us,” Elsa said from the door.

  “You’re a damn martyr,” Anna repeated.

  Elsa chortled. “Like Joan.”

  “No,” Anna shook her head. “Joan died for what she believed in. I take it back. You’re not a martyr; you’re a goddamn coward.”

  “That may be true,” Elsa frowned. “But my whole life has been about sacrifice, and this is simply another.”

  “Fuck that, Elsa,” Anna stomped to her. “You don’t have to sacrifice this. I can be yours and you can be mine.”

  Elsa sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, her face looked peaceful. “Be good, Anna. I promise to visit when the baby is born.”

  Anna shook her head again, more fervently than before. “No, I don’t accept this. You can’t leave me. You can’t.”

  Elsa smiled softly. “I love you, Anna.” She began to walk down the hall.

  “Fine!” Anna poked her head out, her face red with rage as she cried. “You coward! Coward! Don’t you dare come back. I hate you.”

  Elsa finally allowed her own tears to fall as she left the castle.

  In the months that followed, Elsa tried to move on. She found herself in Honeymaren’s lavvu often, though she always left unsatisfied. As fond as she was of Honeymaren, she wasn’t Anna. Honeymaren eventually realized this and allowed their relationship to fizzle, though they remained friends.

  After learning of her niece’s birth in a note from Kristoff that Gale delivered, and with encouragement from Honeymaren, Elsa got up the courage to visit her sister. She hoped that she would be forgiven.

  Outside of her sister’s bedroom, Elsa fidgeted. What awaited her? Was she doing the right thing? Anna’s words from their last meeting echoed in her mind. She no longer wanted to be a coward. She inspected the purple and yellow crocuses in her hand to make sure they were perfect. Then she lifted her empty hand and knocked.

  “Come in,” came her sister’s lilting voice.

  Elsa opened the door and stepped in. Her eyes met Anna’s, and there was a silent allowance to stay.

  Anna put her daughter down in her bassinet, and Elsa realized for the first time that they were not alone. “May I?” She gestured to her niece.

  Anna nodded.

  Elsa walked forward and peeked into the bassinet, and a smile spread across her face. “Anna, she’s beautiful,” she whispered, looking back up at her sister.

  “Thank you,” Anna smiled back. “I’m biased, but I think so too. Her name is Merit.”

  “Merit,” Elsa repeated. “I love it, Anna. She’s perfect.”

  Anna was silent as she watched Elsa watch her newborn.

  Elsa straightened. “Anna, I’m sorry. I never should have said what I said to you, and I never should have stopped visiting.”

  Anna’s face was unreadable for a moment, and Elsa wasn’t sure if she said the right thing. Just as she opened her mouth to say more, Anna spoke.

  “Are those for me?”

  “What?”

  “The flowers. Are they for me?” Anna prompted gently.

  Elsa nodded and held them out.

  Anna took them with a smile.