#and so i tricked myself into animating. which made the task surprisingly more fun!

[kvroii]

I drew a quick animation of Rose Angel!!

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 78

Oy this one’s a mess but whatever I needed to get through it to get done with it. Plus heyoooo one chapter left after this one till RMD yeah boiiiiii. Anyway this one is, ok... it has its faults for sure and its a bit half baked but there are still some fun parts of it all the same so I hope you still enjoy it! (and again for formatting please read this on AO3 or FF.Net, Dumblr is the worst when it comes to formatting). Enjoy!

Previous: https://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/617233070438907905/universe-falls-chapter-77-part-3

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Chapter 78: Monster Falls

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“Now, now, Yellow, just hold onto your hand ship. These things take time! You just gotta be patient!”

“I’ve been patient for over 5,000 years now! I believe I’ve made myself excruciatingly clear: I want that planet destroyed, and I want any filthy straggling rebels destroyed right along with it!”

“Hey, we’re on the same page here, Yellow! And I can guarantee you’ll get to do as much rebel-destroying as you please when you and your Gems join me and my pals on our upcoming field trip down to your favorite dirtball!”

“Ah yes, an excursion that’s taking far too long to actually happen! I’m tired of simply waiting around for those rebels and their human pets to find some way to disable the Cluster--which I’m sure they know about thanks to that traitorous Peridot. If you won’t wipe them out like they deserve, then I’ll do it myself!”

“Whoa-ho-ho, no need to be so hasty! You wanna  nip those Crystal Chumps and their human buddies in the bud? You got it. Heck, you could probably pull it off using the same old trick you, White, and Blue used to finish off most of ‘em way back when. Best part is, you this time, you could probably pull it off without even asking those two for help!”

“...You mean use my power… alone? I fail to see how that would-”

“Not alone! I’ll lend you a hand instead. Between the two of us, all it’ll take is a direct hit straight on their “base” or whatever ya call it, and they’ll never know what hit ‘em!”

“Hm… I suppose it is worth a try. Especially if it will finally wipe the last of those despicable Crystal Gems and their wretched leader out of existence once and for all.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s absolutely what it’ll do. So, what are we waiting for? Let’s give those chumps a real blast from the past…”

“Thanks for coming over and helping me with my spring cleaning, you guys!” Steven grinned down to Dipper, Mabel, and Connie from his spot up on the loft. The kids had spent the better half of their morning sorting through Steven’s belongings to help him decide what to keep and what to throw away or donate. A rather mundane task compared to what they usually tended to get up to, but a surprisingly enjoyable one all the same. 

“I think you mean summer cleaning, Steven,” Connie chuckled as she neatly folded up a shirt. 

“...Huh… yeah, I guess I do!”

“Not that any of this stuff even needs cleaning,” Mabel said as she carried a box of various nick nacks up onto the loft. “I wish I could keep all my Crying Breakfast Friends merch as organized as you do, Steven!”

“So do I,” Dipper remarked to Connie more than Mabel. “Especially since her “merch” usually ends up on my side of the attic.”

“Well, Pearl once told me ‘the cleaner the room, the happier the human’, so I--oh no!” Steven stopped short with a sudden gasp as he lifted one of his several stuffed animals. “MC Bear-Bear! You’ve got a tear-tear!”

“Not MC Bear-Bear!” Mabel exclaimed just as dramatically as Steven showed off the relatively tiny tear under the bear’s armpit. “He was too young! Too pure!”

“It’s a stuffed bear, Mabel,” Dipper deadpanned. 

“A beautiful bear with so much to live for!”

“I should have been more careful,” Steven added onto the round of laments. “We’ve lost too many good bears this way. Well don’t worry,” he said to the bear as he held it close. “You’re hurt, but I’ll look after you.” With this, the young Gem planted a gentle kiss on the bear’s head, and as a result, his healing spit swiftly did its jobs, magically mending the tear back together until it looked like it had never even happened at all. 

“Huh, well that’s one way to patch up a tear,” Dipper noted, genuinely impressed. 

“Yeah! Way to go, Steven!” Mabel cheered. “Ya know, I have more than a few stuffed animals of my own that are due for the ol’ ‘Magical Healing Kiss’ treatment too… if you’re up for it, ‘Dr. Universe’.”

Strangely though, Steven didn’t answer as his focus was still on MC Bear-Bear, his expression much more thoughtful and serious than it had been a moment prior. His silence wasn’t lost on the others as Connie spoke up to address it. “Uh… are you ok? You sure are staring MC Bear-Bear down pretty hard there…”

“Huh?” Steven blinked, looking between his three friends before turning back to the bear once more. “Well… I was just thinking… We’ve done a lot this summer--saved the town, the whole world, even, but… there’s still something we haven’t done… Guys,” his tone was earnest as he glanced up, resolved. “We haven’t helped any of the corrupted Gems…”

Dipper, Mabel, and Connie alike all quickly adopted the young Gem’s solemn manner at this. “No, I… I guess we haven’t,” Connie admitted with a frown. 

“To be fair, we have been pretty busy,” Dipper countered. “Besides, it’s not like anybody really even knows how to-”

“I know how!” Steven interjected, raising his hand. “I-I mean, if my healing powers can fix up humans and Gems and even MC Bear-Bear, then I don’t see why they wouldn’t work on corrupted Gems too, right?”

“You really think it could?” Mabel asked, curious. “Cause if you’re right then that’s a lot of monsters you’re gonna have to smooch…”

“Which sounds… sort of dangerous,” Connie noted worriedly. “Maybe you should try a test run first?”

“That’s a great idea!” Steven hopped up from his bed just as the temple doors slid open just in time. “Guys!” he called, tripping over the side of the loft, only to land squarely on the couch between Dipper and Connie. That hardly stopped him however, as he rushed over to the Gems as the others followed not too far behind. 

“Hey, what’s up, little Ste-cup--and amigos?” Amethyst asked, offering the kids a casual grin. 

“Guys! I used my healing spit to fix a rip on MC Bear-Bear!” Steven proclaimed, holding the stuffed animal up for them to see. 

“Oh, uh… that’s… nice?” Pearl said an uncertain smile, though clearly she wasn’t sure what the cause for the young Gem’s excitement was. 

“Good job,” Garnet smiled, sending him a thumbs up. 

“That all you wanted to tell us?” Amethyst asked, crossing her arms. 

“Not even close!” Steven continued. “What I really wanted to tell you is that we were all talking and, well… we wanted to see if we could try-”

“No,” Garnet staunchly cut him off. 

“Uh… Steven didn’t even ask you anything yet,” Dipper pointed out, confused. 

“And even if he had, it was gonna be something you should totally say yes to, by the way!” Mabel added enthusiastically. 

Yet even so, Garnet shook her head. “With my future vision, I can see that you’re going to ask me if you can try healing one of the monsters in the bubble room.”

“So… that’s a no then?” Connie inferred. 

“Can you see if we can get you to change your mind?” Steven ventured, offering the Gem leader a pleading smile. Soon enough it was one that Mabel, Connie, and Dipper all picked up in turn, each of them eager to assist the young Gem in his altruistic plan, even if it was a rather risky one. And though Garnet seemed to hold her ground at first, against all four of the kids hopeful smiles at once, she ultimately found she was no match whatsoever. 

“Why did you agree to this?” Pearl asked Garnet as they all filed into the temple’s bubble room moments later. 

“I lost a battle of wills,” the Gem leader said plainly. 

“So, who are we healing up first?” Mabel asked, eagerly running into the room as she pointed out a handful of bubbled Gems. “Ooo, what about this one? Oh! Or we could try her, I bet she’ll be a ton of fun when she isn’t corrupted anymore!”

Despite these spirited suggestions, however, Steven already had his sights set on one bubbled Gem in particular. With a floating leap, he was easily able to catch the bubble and bring it down to its level, looking over it with a small, hopeful smile. “And gotcha!”

“Hey, isn’t that…?”

“Yeah,” Steven answered Dipper’s unfinished question with a sincere nod. “It’s Centipeetle. If I can help any of them, I want to help her first.”

“Oh, isn’t she that monster we fought at the beginning of the summer?” Connie asked, intrigued. 

“Yeah, but also she totally saved us from turning into dino-chow,” Amethyst pointed out. “Oh, speaking of chow, don’t forget about these!” She summoned her whip to pull down another bubble, one that had been hanging next to Centipeetle’s with a familiar bag of chips in it. 

“Chaaaaps!” Steven exclaimed excitedly as he unbubbled the snack. “They’re her favorite! Okay,” he said, taking in a deep, determined breath as he looked to the others. “Everybody ready?”

Garnet nodded, giving him the go-ahead while Amethyst and Pearl braced themselves, stepping protectively in front of Dipper, Mabel, and Connie just in case. With everyone in place, Steven gently popped the pink bubble, allowing Centipeetle’s spherical gemstone to hover free from it, glowing all the while as the monster began to take its form. 

“Come on, dude, do your thing!” Amethyst encouraged eagerly. 

“You’ve got this, Steven!” Dipper added just as supportively. 

“Put that sparkly spit of yours to the test!” Mabel chimed in with a bright cheer. 

“B-but be careful about it!” Pearl advised anxiously. 

Amidst all this, Steven landed a hearty, wet lick across his hand and, just as Centipeetle’s monstrous body was starting to fully take shape, he placed that hand squarely on her gemstone. The stone sparkled radiently, Steven’s healing magic flowing through it as Centipeetle’s silhouetted form shifted completely. Her long, mandibled body grew smaller, much more humanoid as her many tiny legs became a single pair of normally-proportioned arms and legs each. By the time her transformation was seemingly complete, Centipeetle collapsed to the ground, resting on her hands and knees as everyone else started at the incredible change she had just undergone in dumbfounded awe. 

“I-is it working?” Pearl dared to ask, catching the apparently healed Gem’s attention. 

However, as she suddenly turned around, it was clear to see that Centipeetle hadn’t been as healed as she might have seemed. She retained her thick mane of white hair, as well as the singular eye that was her gemstone, but just below that was a smaller version of the fanged beak she had when she was fully monstrous. In addition, she had kept a few other insect-like features, namely her pinchered abdomen protruding from behind her, but other than that, she looked decently healed. Physically speaking, at least as she let out a loud, unintelligible shriek of alarm. 

“Boy, did it ever work!” Mabel grinned, sharing Steven’s immediate excitement over Centipeetle’s strange new form. 

“What? No, it didn’t,” Dipper noted incredulously. 

“I mean, it sort of worked…?” Connie said with a diffident shrug. “She isn’t completely a monster anymore, but…”

“Centi! You’re back!” Steven filled the awkward bout of silence that followed this in. Despite the whispered warnings both Amethyst and Pearl sent his way, the young Gem hurried forward to greet the former monster, chips in hand, though he quickly stopped as soon as Centipeetle met him with a harsh, sudden hiss. “Whoa! What’s the matter?” he frowned, approaching her much more carefully as she cowered away from him. “You want some Chaaaps?”

“Uh… I don’t think she remembers them…” Amethyst spoke up as Centipeetle let out another angry squawk. 

“Forget the chips then,” Steven pushed the bubbled bag of Chaaaps back up into the air as he addressed Centipeetle patiently. “You remember me, don’t you?” Though she didn’t react as fiercely to this, Centipeetle still tilted her head in confusion as her singular eye stared him down unknowingly. “I… have a bad feeling this didn’t work how I wanted it to work…”

“You think?” Dipper said, crossing his arms. 

“Aw, well… at least you still tried,” Connie smiled sympathetically. “And hey, something’s better than nothing, right?”

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about,” Mabel placed her hands on her hips. “I think Centi looks better than ever!”

“Better… but not all the way better,” Steven said, taking another step toward the confused semi-corrupted Gem. 

“W-wait! Don’t go closer!” Pearl cautioned nervously. 

“Maybe she just needs a little extra love!” Steven suggested, refusing to give up so easily. Fortunately, Centipeetle didn’t lash out to attack him as he leaned in to plant another brief kiss on her gemstone. However, it did little to heal her as she instead reeled back, closing her eye tightly as she covered it with both hands, growling in both pain and annoyance all the while. “Oops! S-sorry…” Steven let out a small, anxious chuckle as he reached out to help Centipeetle back up. 

“Hm…” Garnet mused as she watched Steven and Cenitpeedle’s interactions from afar. “This is the best we’ve ever seen it work.”

“But it didn’t work,” Pearl countered. “I guess it’ll take more than a kiss to heal damage from the Diamonds…”

“But why?” Steven turned to the Gems with a fretful frown. “My healing powers have been working great lately. I-I should be able to do this.”

“It’s alright, Steven,” Pearl reassured earnestly. “Remember, she’s not cracked; she’s corrupted, and that’s something different, something nearly… impossible to describe. U-unless it’s by a Gem who’s actually been through it.”

“But, ya know, most of the Gems who have…” Amethyst nodded up at the countless bubbled Gems above them. “Aren’t really doing a ton of describing these days…”

“It’s sort of like… if MC Bear-Bear didn’t just tear the fabric of his arm,” Garnet explained as accurately as she could. “But the fabric of his mind.”

“Whoa…” Mabel gaped, mistified by such a deep explanation. 

“That’s… kind of horrifying,” Dipper shuddered, unnerved. 

“I guess it’s times like these when being a human really has its perks,” Connie said offhandedly. “At least something like that couldn’t happen to any of us.”

Garnet adjusted her shades upon hearing this, her future vision nearly catching a glimpse of something, though it flashed by far too fast for her to really make anything of. So instead, she shook her head to clear it before addressing the apprehensive young Gem once more. “Steven, I’m impressed with your ability to bring the Centipeetle this far, but it’s time to let her rest again. Amethyst-”

“Uh, sure,” the purple Gem shrugged, summoning her whip again. “I’ll poof her.”

“W-wait!” Steven protested, hurrying to shield Centipeetle as she curiously looked over her new form through a reflection on the wall. “She’s not a monster anymore!”

“Here,” Garnet pulled Steven close, pressing his face against her as she extended a hand out to the other kids as well. “You don’t have to watch. Same goes for the rest of you kids.”

Though Mabel was really the only one to take her up on that offer, Steven suddenly pushed himself away from the Gem leader to rush back over to Centipeetle. “No, please! She can walk, a-and talk! Just like you guys!” Surprisingly, Centipeetle chimed in with a contented squeak, her maw forming something that almost seemed like a smile as she turned back to face Steven. “See?”

“Aw, how can you guys say no to that face?” Mabel said, sending the Gems the same pleading look Steven was. 

“Yeah, she doesn’t really seem like she’s that dangerous anymore…” Dipper agreed. 

“Definitely not as dangerous as she was the day the four of us met,” Connie said with a small, fond chuckle. 

“See? Centi was the one who brought us together in the first place,” Steven said, motioning between himself, Connie, Dipper, and Mabel. “M-maybe she wasn’t the nicest back then, but she’s our friend now! I helped her--we helped her this much; maybe we can help her more. We have to try, I made a promise! Please?”

The Gems exchanged an uneasy glance at this, none of them too keen on the idea of letting a corrupted Gem, even a semi-corrupted one like Centipeetle, simply run around unrestrained, especially around the kids. And yet, even despite her strange form and unpredictable behavior, for the most part Cenitpeedle seemed much calmer and more civilized than she had been before, even if she was still rather skittish and couldn’t quite communicate in anything other than squawks and hisses. But what really broke through their hesitancy was the kids, all four of whom were staring up at them pleadingly in their shared resolve to do whatever they could to help Centipeetle even more than they already had. 

So the Gems let out a unified relenting groan as they lost a second battle of wills, much to the kids’ mixed relief and excitement. Still, that didn’t mean that the Gems didn’t have any dissention toward this newfound haphazard arrangement. “S-so what are we going to do with her?” Pearl asked, wincing as she stole another glance over at the semi-corrupted Gem. “Let her move in?”

“Aw, yeah!” Amethyst cheered, in favor of the idea. “Corrupted roommate!”

“Oh, Amethyst, be sensitive,” the white Gem rolled her eyes. 

“Oo! She could stay down at the shack!” Mabel suggested enthusiastically. 

“Wait, what?” Dipper looked at his sister incredulously. 

“Yeah! I bet Mr. Pines will love having Centi as a house guest!” Steven readily agreed. 

“I bet he won’t,” Dipper interjected once more. 

“That’s what makes it funny,” Amethyst chuckled, amused. 

“Well… it’s better than her staying here, I suppose…” Pearl muttered, aside. 

“Wherever she stays, whether it’s here or at the Mystery Shack,” Garnet spoke up, evenly catching all four of the kids’ attention. “You kids need to be careful with her. She can stay unbubbled, but you must understand: some Gems are beyond our help.”

While the kids didn’t exactly have much of a plan to help completely cure Centipeetle of her corruption, they were still largely optimistic that they could all the same. Though the Gems still had some reservations, Steven managed to convince them to allow the semi-corrupted Gems to accompany him and the other kids down to the Mystery Shack. And though she was certainly much more tame than the animalistic way she’d been before, it was clear that Centipeetle still wasn’t exactly used to being out and about as the kids did their best to coax her out of the house alone. 

“It’s ok, Centi,” Steven urged patiently as he held the door open for her. “We’re just gonna take a nice walk down to the Mystery Shack. How does that sound?”

Centipeetle let out an uncertain chirp at this as she lingered behind the doorway, nervously peering out from it. Her curiosity soon turned to terror, however, as a sudden breeze happened to blow by, tousling the semi-corrupted Gem’s hair and catching her off guard completely. She stumbled back, eventually falling to the floor as she shrieked in alarm, even as the gentle wind started to die down outside. 

“Whoa, hey! It’s ok!” Connie hurried to the Centipeetle’s side to calm her down. “That was just the wind. It’s nothing to be afraid of, even if it’s something you can’t see.” 

Centipeetle eased up at this, clumsily picking herself back up to stand as she attempted to venture outside once more. This time when the wind blew by her, however, she cowered much less than she had before as she actually managed to step out to join the others on the porch. “Yeah! Way to go, Centi!” Mabel cheered, though her excitement was completely lost on Centipeetle as she shrunk back in fear once more. 

“Mabel, not so loud!” Dipper chastised. “You’re scaring her.”

“Oops! Sorry! I meant--way to go, Centi!” Mabel tried again, this time in a cheery whisper.

“Ok, Centi--Oh,” Steven stopped short as he led the way down the stairs. “I guess that’s not really your name. What should we call you?” Centipeetle answered in a series of unintelligible chirps, one that left all four of the kids staring at her, dumbfounded. “Oh, right, can’t talk…” Steven rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Maybe we could try to guess your name,” Mabel suggested. “What about… Lindsay?” 

“Mabel, that’s not a Gem name,” Dipper said flatly as Centipeetle shook her head. “It’d probably be something more like… Oh, I dunno, she’s green, so… Emerald?” 

Once again, Centipeetle made a face, obviously not a fan of that name either. “Well, there are plenty of green gemstones out there,” Connie noted. “I picked up a book on different gemstone types awhile back for… reasons. So, off the top of my head, I can think of… Jade, Tourmaline-”

“Peridot, but we’ve already got one of those!” Mabel chimed in. 

“Demantoid, Aventurine, Nephrite-” Centipeetle suddenly cut off Connie’s list with a loud squeal, which she paired with hopping up and down on the balls of her feet as soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs. The kids exchanged a curious look at this, none of them really knowing what to make of it until Steven spoke up. 

“Well, that can’t be it,” he frowned, not noticing Centipeetle’s disgruntled sigh. “We’ll just stick with Centi for now, ok? Just like we did before. Do you remember any of that?” he asked Centipeetle with a hopeful smile. “That time you saved me from a crow, or how you took on that pterodactyl baby, or how we helped the Gems electrocute--uh, actually, do forget that one.”

Centipeetle tilted her head in confusion, though her singular eye suddenly shot wide with alarm as she stumbled back into the porch staircase. The kids didn’t understand where this newfound bout of fear was coming from until she pointed a shaking hand past them to the animal that was peacefully grazing several feet away. “Oh, that’s only a deer,” Dipper explained to Centipeetle. “Don’t worry; it won’t hurt you. In fact, it’s more likely to run away from you than do anything else, see?” Sure enough, by now the deer had noticed the group standing nearby and had taken off, bounding back into the woods it had come from. By now, Centipeetle’s fear had turned into intrigue as she attempted following the deer, only to stop short as she stumbled across something else that caught her eye instead. 

“Whatcha got there, Centi?” Steven asked, walking over to where the semi-corrupted Gem had knelt down. She chirped brightly as she pointed out a patch of pink wildflowers, apparently fascinated by them as she turned back toward them. “Oh! Those are some really pretty flowers! Here, hold tight for just a second.” Centipeetle continued to curiously watch as Steven picked a few of the flowers, tying them together into a simple, yet fashionable crown, which he proceeded to place on the semi-corrupted Gem’s head. “Tada! It’s for you! Do you like it?” 

Centipeetle did seem to enjoy the flower crown as she cooed happily, though she kept trying to really look up at it to no avail. “Oh, you wanna see how you look?” Mabel inferred, grabbing her hand. “Well, c’mon! You can check out your fab new style right here.” She led Centipeetle over to the nearby stream, allowing her to get a full and proper view of how the flower crown looked on her. The semi-corrupted Gem managed a satisfied smile as she looked at her reflection, though that reflection was soon broken by the small fish that happened to briefly jump out of the water. Centipeetle flinched, afraid, as she fell back into the grass, her flower crown landing right beside her. “Aw, Centi! No need to freak out!” Mabel chuckled as she repositioned the flower crown on her head. “That was just a cute little fish! It can’t hurt you. Well, unless we’re talking about some of the big boys out in the ocean, cause something like a shark isn’t exactly the kind of fish you wanna-” She stopped short upon meeting Centipeetle’s nervous expression once more. “Uh… you know what? Never mind.”

“Boy,” Connie grinned as the semi-corrupted Gem peered back into the stream for another look. “She sure is curious, huh?”

“She must not have gotten to see a whole lot of the Earth before she was corrupted…” Steven frowned sympathetically. 

“Speaking of which, I’ve been thinking,” Dipper interjected. “If we really want to help her uncorrupt completely, then maybe what we need to do first is figure out how she was corrupted in the first place and work from there.”

“Didn’t Pearl say something about ‘damage from the Diamonds’?” Connie mused. “What kind of damage could they have done to cause something like… well, what happened to her?”

Centipeetle turned at this, though she quickly froze, her eye going wide as she stared at something beyond the kids gathered before her. A piercing, downright terrified screech escaped her, catching the others completely off guard as they all turned their attention back to her. “What’s the matter?” Steven asked, placing a gentle hand against her arm, which was trembling every bit as much as the rest of her body. “Are you ok? A-are you remembering something?”

Centipeetle reacted harshly, clutching her head tightly as she closed her eye, screaming all the while. She somehow managed to get back to her feet, looking to the sky once again as she finally pointed a shaking finger at what had her so scared to begin with. 

Despite the summer skies being crystal clear, a large, bright golden star had seemed to take up a place within them. It shined brightly, clashing with the familiar blue atmosphere, and while the mere sight of it outright horrified Centipeetle, the kids largely had no idea what the cause for alarm really was at all. “Uh… what is that?” Dipper asked, somewhat unnerved. 

“Maybe it’s like one of those jet plane thingies you always see in the sky super early in the morning?” Mabel suggested. “Only the pilot on this one woke up way later than he should have.”

“That doesn’t look like any jet I’ve ever seen, even from a distance,” Connie shook her head. 

Steven, meanwhile, was largely distracted by Centipeetle, who was looking around in just about every direction, seemingly trying to find some way to escape. “Whoa, Centi, i-it’s alright,” he advised, grabbing her hand. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of when you’re with us!” The semi-corrupted monster was hardy listening however, as she looked back to the “star” once more. It flashed brightly, but briefly, and that alone was to throw her already palpable alarm into an all-out panic. With a manic screech, she pulled her hand out of Steven’s and took off, running off into the forest as fast as her newly-reformed legs would carry her. “W-wait!” the young Gem called, intending on running after her until Connie reigned him back in. 

“Uh, S-steven?” she grabbed his arm, directing his attention up to the “star” once more. By now it was practically burning yellow in the sky, yet it hadn’t moved, hadn’t done much at all until it suddenly dialated dramatically. 

And then, before anyone had any time to say or do anything else, it exploded. 

A bright, blinding golden light flooded the entire area, spreading out far and wide across all of Gravity Falls at a supersonic speed. It overtook nearly everything, from the temple to the shack to the forest to downtown, even as far as the lake and the outlying countryside, all centralized solely on the tiny timberwood town itself. In its wake it covered everyone, humans, Gems, and magical or mythical creatures alike (though only one group among those three would emerge from it unscathed). And as it shined upon them all, if its overpowering, devastating radiance hadn’t momentarily defeated them, they might have heard the briefest bout of twisted laughter, accompanied by a single voice raised in vengeful song. 

And just as quickly as the light had come, it was over. It faded, leaving the sky crisp and clear and blue once again. Slowly, nature reawakened after being so sharply silenced as gentle birdsong filled in the late morning air once more. That quiet din was what first roused Steven, who sat up slowly, placing a careful hand against his now-aching head as he did. And yet, before he could even really get his bearings back, the first thing he happened to notice was that his hair strangely didn’t feel much like hair at all. Rather, it had a much softer, lighter texture, almost akin to flower petals, which made the fact that his fingers were seemingly much sharper than he knew they should have been all the more bewildering. Confused as he was, he tried to stand, though as soon as he got to his feet, he received a sudden, involuntary boost into the air. Briefly, he thought he’d accidentally activated his floating powers, until he happened to notice the series of sturdy green vines that were somehow propping him up. 

“Huh?” Steven frowned, glancing back only to see that the vines didn’t just seem to be coming from behind him, but from him. They sprouted from his back, and a few of the more thorny ones had twisted themselves around his arms and legs, though those thorns didn’t dig into his skin, which was an odd shade of pale pink. “W-what is all this…?” he wondered to himself, briefly glancing up from himself to look around. The first thing he realized was that Centipeetle was nowhere to be found, having run off into the woods just moments prior, a thought that worried Steven far more than his current peculiar condition did. “Oh no! Centi!” he gasped, alarmed as he searched for any sign of her. “Where are-”

“Ugh… Steven…?” The young Gem immediately stopped short as soon as he heard Dipper’s voice somewhere nearby. Despite his attempts at turning around, the vines suddenly did so for him as they somehow moved on their own accord. Still, Steven ignored how startling the vines, the thorns, and even the surprisingly sharp claws he now had were, in favor of checking on the others instead. 

“Dipper! Are you ok--Ohhhhh my gosh!” Steven’s jaw dropped in shock as soon as he actually looked at Dipper, who had just started to partially pull himself up off the ground. 

As he did, however, he clearly noticed something was off, particularly about the texture and shape of his nose and ears. “W-what is…” Dipper trailed off as he tried to properly sit up, only to not receive the sort of usual feedback he would have expected from his legs. “Why… why can’t I-” He cut himself off with a sharp, frightened gasp as soon as he so much as caught sight of the lower half of his body. Because by all accounts, it looked identical to that of a deer’s, complete with not just two, but four long, lithe, thin legs, brown fur spotted with specks of white on his back, and even a tiny tail that was currently twitching out of immense agitation. As he fully took in this inexplicable shift, Dipper let out a tight, terrified cry that didn’t sound exactly human, though he didn’t seem to care as he gripped his front set of legs to confirm that they were, in fact, actually his. “W-what’s going on?!” 

“Whoa, Dipper!” Steven exclaimed in equal awe as he leaned forward as much as the vines would allow. “You’re like… some kind of deer-centaur! A deertaur!”

“Ok, two things,” Dipper said crossly amidst trying to position his new, rather awkward set of legs to stand. “One, I’m pretty sure that’s not what this is called and two... WHAT? WHY? HOW? What happened to me?! What happened to you?! What’s with all the vines? Why does your hair look like a bouquet?”

“It does…?” Steven frowned, reaching up to thumb one of the “petals” that now apparently made up his hair. “Huh.”

“Seriously, what happened?” Dipper reiterated as he made his first real attempt at standing up. And yet, as unused to his strange new form as he was, balancing on his feet, or hooves, rather, proved to be quite a challenge as he unsteadily wobbled before ultimately falling right back to the ground clumsily. “And why a deer?!” he let out a small, frustrated huff through his now pert, black nose. “It’s not even like they’re even my favorite animal or anything! This makes no sense!”

“W-well, if it’s any consolation,” Steven began with a small, reassuring smile. “You do look pretty cute like this.”

Dipper flinched at this, but said nothing in response as he crossed his arms and glared away, blushing, at least until he picked up on something else. “Hey, wait a second, where’s-”

“Oy, what smells like fish…?” Mabel suddenly spoke up as she finally started to wake up herself. She let out a long yawn, not noticing the dumbfounded looks Steven and Dipper were both sending her way as they realized she’d also gone through an unnatural transformation. For her own part, however, it took Mabel a moment or two to register that transformation as she sat up and stared directly at the scaly pink finned tail that had taken the place of her legs. “Huh… Well that’s new,” she noted, glancing over her now-webbed hands before balking at her tail again with a huge gasp. “OH MY GOSH!” she practically screamed, stars in her eyes as she hugged her tail excitedly. “I’m a mer-ACK!” Mabel sucked in another sharp gasp, an involuntary one this time as her breathing grew short and shallow, her eyes widening in panic as she gripped her throat frantically. 

“Mabel!” Steven and Dipper both exclaimed in concerned alarm. On impulse, Dipper rushed to get up to help her, completely forgetting about the current state of his legs until he inevitably ended up tripping and faceplanting right back into the grass again. He didn’t let that stop him however, as he prepared to try again, he happened to catch sight of something Mabel apparently hadn’t as she haphazardly threw off her sweater so she could breathe easier. “Gills…” he gasped in realization. “She has gills! She can’t breathe! Steven, she needs water! B-but I can’t-���

“I’m on it!” Steven readily agreed, his vines moving in accordance with him this time. It was almost as if they knew exactly what he was thinking as they kept him propped up, essentially “walking” him over to Mabel, who was still gasping and choking on air that wouldn’t do anything for her now. While Steven tried to help her himself, the vines did that for him too as their tips gently coiled around her arms before they swiftly pulled her into the nearby creek, submerging her completely. 

Both Steven and Dipper waited for an anxious beat for Mabel to emerge from the relatively shallow water, though when she did, she let out a rejuvenated sigh of relief as she perched herself against the side of the creek. “Ah! Much better!” she grinned happily, splashing more water against the small pink gills on her neck. “Guess I just needed to wet my whistle! So, whaaaaaaaaaaaaa-?!” By now, Mabel finally noticed just what had happened to Dipper and Steven, and as soon as she did, a huge, delighted smile broke out across her face. “Ohhhhhh, Steven! Dipper! You guys look so adorable!”

“Uh, thanks?” Steven chuckled. 

“Ugh, this is just gonna keep getting more and more embarrassing, isn’t it?” Dipper scoffed, dryly. 

“Embarrassing? Bro-bro, what are you talking about? This is amazing!” Mabel proclaimed, flopping back into the creek behind her so she could admire her tail fins noce more. “Check it out! I’m totally a mermaid! Oh, if only Mermando was still here! We could be the cutest mer-couple ever, and have mer-babies, and live in a mer-castle under the sea! And sing mer-songs all day!”

“Yeesh,” Dipper rolled his eyes at his sister’s flights of fantasy. “You would enjoy this, Mabel.”

“Hey, has anyone seen Connie?” Steven asked, glancing around in newfound concern. “I haven’t seen her since all this happened. Do you think maybe she could have gone after Centi when she ran off?”

“What are you talking about, Steven? I’ve been here this whole time!”

Steven, Mabel, and Dipper alike all froze up at this, each of them looking around for Connie upon hearing her voice, only to find no sign of her anywhere. That is, until she happened to reappear out of nowhere right in front of Steven. All three of the other kids let out a startled round of alarm at this, though Connie didn’t share it as she let out a small sigh of relief instead. 

“Ah, finally you guys can actually see and hear me!” she exclaimed as she hovered up into the air a bit. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past several minutes, but it’s like you all just kept staring right through me!”

“Aw, sorry, Connie!” Steven apologized earnestly. “We didn’t mean to! But I couldn’t see you until now, much less hear you!”

“C-Connie?” Dipper spoke up, trembling slightly until he caught himself doing so. “A-are you… I-I… I don’t know how to say this, but… I-I think you might be-”

“Oh! A ghost!” Mabel guessed bluntly. “I got it right, didn’t I?”

“What? A ghost?” Connie shook her head incredulously. For her part, she largely looked the same as she always did, though like Mabel, her legs had been traded in for a tail, albeit one that wasn’t anywhere near as fish-like. But even beyond that, she had taken on a pale blue parlor, her entire body being more or less completely translucent as it radiated with a dull, unearthly sort of glow. That, paired with the fact that she was able to float above the ground freely, added up to far too much evidence for anything else to really be true, as much as Connie wished something else was. “Oh my gosh, I-I think you guys are right! I-I really am a ghost! B-but why? And how--wait, no, I don’t even want to think about how! A-anyway, w-what happened to you guys? To all of us?!”

“I think I know what happened,” Mabel said as she pushed herself up out of the stream a bit. 

“Really?” Dipper asked, skeptical as Steven began to use his vines to help him properly stand. “You know what happened to us when none of the rest of us do?”

“Of course, I do,” Mabel grinned proudly. “We all got turned into totally awesome magical creatures! I mean, think about it: I’m a super sparkly mermaid (with a tail in my favorite shade of pink, might I add!). Connie’s a really cool ghost why can fly and turn invisible-”

“I don’t know if I’d call either of those things ‘cool’ in this instance…” Connie frowned as she accidentally phased her intangible hands into each other. 

“Steven’s, uh… w-well he’s some sort of flower… guy… person… thing…” Mabel ventured, uncertain. “B-but that’s awesome, since pink is totally your color.”

“Oh, you think so?” Steven grinned, looking down at his light pink arm with a newfound sense of fondness. 

“And Dipper is a super cute deertaur!”

“Again, I’m 100% positive that’s not what it’s called,” Dipper spoke up as he stomped one of his hooves down in annoyance. “Also, would everyone please stop calling me cute?!”

“Maybe once you stop being cute,” Mabel chuckled with a teasing smirk. 

“Which will be never!” Steven added much more earnestly. 

“Ugh, look,” Dipper began, addressing the enthused pair evenly. “I don’t know if you guys realize this, but this is serious. We just got turned into monsters, or magical creatures, or whatever, completely out of the blue. Something like this doesn’t just happen, not even here in Gravity Falls. Something caused this, and we need to figure out what it was so we can find a way to undo it and get all of us back to normal.”

“Aw, but I like being a magical mermaid!” Mabel pouted. 

“Do you like not being able to breathe outside of the water?” Dipper countered flatly.

Mabel flinched, recalling the frightening experience she’d just been through moments ago, an experience she certainly wasn’t keen on going through again anytime soon. “I… see your point.”

“Maybe that star had something to do with it…” Connie mused, looking up to the now-empty sky. “It was the last thing any of us saw before we woke up like this, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steven agreed as his vines formed something of a seat for him to recline on. “Oh, thanks!” he said to the vines themselves before returning to the matter at hand. “Plus, Centi seemed to be really scared of that star. She might even know what it was! Maybe if we can find her, then she can-”

A sudden thunderous clamor cut through the conversation like a knife, a clamor that came from the temple, to be precise. The chaotic noise only amplified as the front door burst open and, as opposed to any of the Gems, what seemed to be a monster jumped outside instead. It wasn’t very large, though it was just a bit bigger than the kids, with a purple, bulky four-legged form and a full, thick mane of lighter lavender hair. It unleashed what sounded like a wild howl as it pounced off the porch, its clawed front arms allowing it a square landing on the ground. It didn’t seem to have any eyes, with a set of bright purple horns in place of where they would have been, but it still managed to spot the kids gathered just a bit down the hill from it. The monster’s toothy maw split into an expression that was almost akin to a grin as it made an animalistic sound that sounded a bit like a laugh, though it was still completely unintelligible. Its apparent excitement prompted it to stampede toward the group at a rapid pace, much to their shared alarm,, and at least in two cases, outright fear. 

While Mabel and Steven simply gasped in surprise as the monster rushed for them, Connie completely disappeared into thin air, not even making a single sound or uttering so much as a word as she did. Dipper, on the other hand, froze up, his eyes wide but his expression otherwise largely vacant and unreadable. And as the monster drew even closer, he suddenly took off, somehow completely capable of using his new legs, which he couldn’t even properly stand on mere moments ago, galloping at full speed into the nearby woods. Mabel let out a startled cry as she watched him easily leap over the stream she was sitting in before he disappeared into the forest just before the monster could arrive.

“Wait! Dipper!” she called, frustrated by her inability to get out of the water to go after him. Both her and Steven were met with an all-new concern, however, as the monster suddenly slammed down right in front of them, focusing on the young Gem in particular as it reared low with a small growl. 

“S-Stay back!” Steven warned, summoning his shield to ward off the beast. The monster leapt at him anyway, however, barreling into him and knocking him to the ground, even despite his vines trying to keep him upright. The young Gem braced himself for a vicious attack as his shield disappeared, yet instead, he was met with a sudden, wet lick from the beast’s large tongue. “Huh?” Steven frowned, looking back up to the monster, who still had him pinned down, but was now panting happily. Though he was already confused, his bewilderment only grew tenfold as he happened to notice the very familiar purple gemstone resting on the monster’s chest amidst her unruly tufts of hair. “Wait… A-Amethyst?!”

The beast nodded vigorously, finally stepping away from the young Gem as her long, messy tail wagged excitedly. While his vines picked him back up above the ground once more, Steven exchanged an uncertain glance with Mabel before he looked to who he could only assume had to be Amethyst once more. “D-Did… you shapeshift to look like this?” 

Amethyst shook her head, apparently unable to properly speak. She turned her attention back up to the temple, where another monster seemed to be stomping out, though it was much easier to discern the identity of this one from its appearance alone. 

“Garnet?!” Mabel and Steven exclaimed in shock as the creature the Gem leader had turned into jumped down from the porch to join them. There was no mistaking her, namely because of her pair of heads, one of which bore semblance to Ruby in coloration, though the only feature of her face was a fanged maw, while her other head was clearly Sapphire with her singular eye and long blue hair. The rest of her body was much more akin to Garnet herself, though quite twisted, her arms massive and muscular as they reached down as long as her much shorter legs did, her huge clawed hands acting more as her main form of transportation as she slowly lumbered forward. She towered high over Amethyst and the kids, letting out a low, inhuman groan that almost seemed to be a greeting, though despite her admittedly mangled appearance, she seemed just as calm as she always was. 

“Garnet… Amethyst...” Steven looked between the monstrous pair, quite shaken. “W-what happened to you? And… where’s Pearl?”

This question was met with a sharp, high pitched squeak from above as a large shadow briefly covered up the sun. That shadow had been cast by a large, majestic bird-like creature, one that nervously touched down to join Garnet and Amethyst. There was no question this was Pearl, from the tell-tell gemstone on her now-eyeless head, resting just above the long, pointed beak she now bore. Her form was sleek and graceful, with a thin, curved, swan-like neck, wide, sweeping peach and white feathered wings and a set of long, narrow legs that carried the same spiraled design as her spears. Pearl let out another unintelligible shriek, one of apparent surprise as she caught sight of Steven and Mabel, her wings flapping anxiously, at least until she heard Amethyst’s amused gruff cackle beside her. The white Gem shrieked shrilly at her in annoyance, though she merely kept on “laughing”, at least until Garnet silenced them both with a heavy, commanding grunt. 

“No way…” Steven shook his head incredulously. “I-it really is you guys! A-are… are you… corrupted?” 

All three of the Gems reacted to such a claim in shock, Pearl fiercely shaking her head as Amethyst tilted her head, confused. Garnet remained still and silent, though after a moment of thought, both of her contrasting heads finally nodded, much to the shock of her teammates. An argument of various squawks, roars, and groans erupted at this as the Gems “communicated” with each other, though neither Steven nor Mabel could even hope to make out what they were trying to say. 

“This is so weird…” Mabel frowned, leaning against the creekbank. “Aren’t corrupted Gems supposed to be all wild and crazy? Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are just… acting like themselves.”

“Maybe they’re not entirely corrupted?” Connie purposed as she suddenly reappeared, catching Steven and Mabel off guard. “O-oh! Sorry! I really gotta learn how to control this whole randomly disappearing thing better…”

“But… why do they still look like monsters?” Steven wondered, catching the attention of his guardians. “I know you guys can’t really… talk right now, but… you can still understand what we’re saying right?” All three of the Gems nodded, though what little their malformed expressions alone could convey told they were just as baffled and concerned as the kids themselves were. “So… you’re all basically half-corrupted then… just like Centi! Man, I really wish she hadn’t run off earlier; she’d be so much in figuring all this out!”

“Speaking of running off…” Mabel said, turning back toward the forest. “It’s ok, bro-bro, everything’s cool! You can come out now! There’s nothing to be afraid of out here.”

“I-I wasn’t afraid!” Dipper protested as he peeked out from the tree he had taken refuge behind. “I-it was just really loud and a lot of things were happening at once and I… might have panicked. J-just a little!”

“Well, deer do have a reputation for having a pretty sharp flight response whenever they get startled, so that might explain it,” Connie pointed out. 

“Ugh, great…” Dipper sighed as he fully emerged from the forest. “Just another reason to find a way to get us all back to normal as soon as possible. Especially for you guys,” he said, flinching as he looked to the Gems in particular. “You three look--uh… y-you look great!” he played off whatever he was going to say with a nervous laugh. The Gems didn’t quite buy it however as Amethyst teasingly stuck her tongue out while Pearl squawked, apparently flustered as she nudged one of her wings with her beak. 

“Wait a minute,” Connie interjected. “If that star, or whatever it was, somehow transformed all of us, then… maybe we weren’t the only ones affected by it…”

Everyone else took pause at this alarming thought, especially as they all happened to look down the hill toward the Mystery Shack. As they did, Dipper and Mabel in particular exchanged a nervous glance as they both considered exactly who else could be going through the exact same thing they currently were experiencing. “You don’t think…?”

Unsure of what they’d find, once the group of monster-turned kids and externally-corrupted Gems arrived at the Mystery Shack, Connie volunteered to head in first since she could more or less slip in unseen to scope things out. The only problem that arose with this came from Amethyst, who suddenly, impulsively decided to join her right as she floated toward the gift shop door. Connie stopped just as Amethyst rammed into the door horns-first, easily breaking down as she stormed in, eager to find Stan and show him her new form, much to the alarm of everyone else outside. Pearl let out a frantic squeal as Garnet slammed one of her heavy hands to the ground in an attempt to reel Amethyst back in, though the purple Gem, rowdy as ever, hardly paid them any mind. Likewise, the kids also watched with concern as she rushed inside, ensuing a chaotic clamor almost immediately as she haphazardly crashed into several display cases and quickly catching Stan’s attention, just as she’d intended. 

“Augh!” the conman shouted furiously from inside. “What in the--wait, Amethyst?! N-no, no, no, no! You better not--” He was cut off by another huge crash, one that promoted Pearl and Garnet into action while the kids stood by just a bit past the door. 

“Oh man, I wish we could see what’s going on in there!” Mabel exclaimed, leaning out of the small swimming pool Steven and Dipper were filling up for her. “I bet Grunkle Stan is totally freaking out!”

“Uh… I don’t know if that’s entirely accurate…” Connie frowned as she peered into the shack just as Amethyst scurried out of it, laughing all the while. Likewise, Garnet and Pearl both stumbled back themselves as Stan tried to burst out of the shack, revealing that, much like the kids, he’d gone through a rather monstrous transformation himself. 

By all accounts, it seemed as though the conman’s skin had turned to moving stone based on its rough, gray texture. Beyond that, both his fingers and his tones bore sharp, talon-like claws as he sported a small set of stony horns just above his now acutely pointed ears. But his two most notable new features were his eyes, which seemed to shine a bright, almost ominous kind of yellow, and the wide set of pointed wings on his back, which were currently caught on the doorframe, essentially holding him in place as he angrily tried chasing after Amethyst. “Ugh, again? Seriously?” the conman growled in annoyance as he somehow managed to retract his wings in a bit. “I’m already sick of these stupid things. And as for you, Amethyst, I--aye, yi, yi…” Stan trailed off, shock overtaking his expression as he noticed Pearl and Garnet’s changed forms too. “Yeesh, and I thought I had it bad between the new wings and the horns. You three look terrible!”

Pearl let out a harsh, offended hiss at this, though Garnet didn’t really respond. Amethyst however, let out a teasing roar, one that Stan didn’t seem to follow at all. “Uh… what, are you guys done speakin’ English or do you just expect me to understand ‘monsterese’ now?” he asked dryly. 

“Uh, actually, Mr. Pines,” Steven spoke up. “They can’t really… ‘talk’ right now…”

At this, Stan stole a glance over at the kids, only to balk in bewilderment at each of them in turn. “W-wha… what the heck happened to you kids?!” he asked, stepping over toward them. “Dipper--or Steven, I don’t care who since either of you if not both is usually behind anything wacky or magical happening around here--explain. Now.”

“We would if we actually understood what happened to begin with,” Dipper replied, crossing his arms.

“Well you better figure it out!” Stan snapped, irritated. “Cause I don’t know how you expect me to send you runts home to your parents with you looking half like a deer while your sister’s flopping around like a fish outta water.”

“Aw, it doesn’t sound anywhere near as magical and cool when you put being a mermaid like that…” Mabel cringed as she popped her head out of the water after refilling her gills. 

“You won’t have to send us home looking like this,” Dipper countered, resolved. “Because we’re going to find a way to undo all of this and get everyone back to normal.”

“Yeah!” Steven, Mabel, and Connie all chimed in support of this plan. 

“Oh really? That’s awesome, dudes!” Soos exclaimed as he stepped outside of the shack. Upon a first glance, he seemed to look just as he always did with no peculiar transformation in sight, at least until a piece of his arm quite literally melted right off. 

“Uh… Soos?” Steven spoke up, all four of the kids looking to the handyman in immense concern. 

“Oops,” Soos scooped up the strangely mouldable clump of his arm and easily slapped it back on as if it had never fallen off to begin with. “I’ll tell ya what, being made of clay may seem like it has its perks, but it’s starting to get way less cool the more times a chunk of me randomly melts off…”

“Could you at least stop melting all over the shack?” Stan asked dryly. “The last thing I wanna do is clean up bits of Soos off the floor.”

“Sorry, Mr. Pines,” Soos apologized as he smoothed up the side of his cheek before any clay could drip off of it. “I guess clay and a hot summer day aren’t a great mix…”

“Ugh, consider yourself lucky, man,” Wendy spoke up as she came out of the shack herself. “At least you’re not covered in fur…” 

“Whoa, Wendy!” Mabel exclaimed in fascination as Dipper, Steven, and Connie looked to the cashier in shock. “Are you-”

“A werewolf? Ugh, yeah, I guess,” Wendy rolled her eyes as she absently scratched behind one of her now rather dog-like ears. Sure enough, her entire body was covered in thick red fur to match her hair color, and alongside that she bore a bit of a snout with a wolfish nose and plenty of sharp, fanged teeth to match the sizable claws on her hands and feet. Yet despite her rather canine appearance, she was still perfectly able to walk upright, which was apparent enough as she leaned against the side of the shack, annoyed. “All those movies with the hot shirtless werewolves totally oversold this, by the way. The real deal totally sucks between being hot and itchy all the time. So if you guys are dead set on getting us all back to normal, then more power to you.”

“Don’t worry, we will,” Connie assured, though her confident smile quickly fell. “If only we knew where to start…”

“Maybe Great Uncle Ford can help,” Dipper suggested. “After filling up three whole journals, it’s safe to assume he is the resident expert on magical creatures around here. Where is he anyway?”

“Ugh, please don’t get me started on Ford and all those stupid riddles he’s been throwing around since this whole mess startled,” Stan huffed crossly. 

“Riddles?” Steven asked, confused. 

“Precisely, my boy,” Ford interjected as he rounded the far corner of the shack. For his part, his appearance had taken on something of a lion-eque motiff, with golden-brown fur, a long, thin tail, large (but still six-fingered) paws, and even a rather feline nose. But what set that motiff apart were his wings, just as wide as his brother’s, though bright and colorful and feathered instead of grey and stony. He only briefly regarded the Gems and the kids’ changes in appearance, seemingly not alarmed by them at all as he continued just as calmly. “For instance, what do you call a creature that’s steeped in ancient Greek and Egyptian mythology and has a penchant for presenting all who cross its path with puzzling riddles?” 

“Annoying?” Stan ventured, sending his brother a bored look. 

“No, Stanley,” Ford countered flatly. “A sphinx. Which seems to be what I’ve turned into. Maybe you’ll have an easier time figuring this one out: what’s the term for a creature that’s made of animated stone and also happens to be what you’ve become?”

“I’m sticking with my first answer and saying annoying,” the conman reiterated, glaring back at his unwanted set of wings. 

“A gargoyle, Stanley, a gargoyle,” the author huffed, exasperated. “Come on, that one wasn’t even hard at all.” 

“Yeesh, if you’re gonna be a wisecracking know-it-all, then can’t you just get to the point about it?” Stan rolled his eyes. “Do you have to keep at with all these pointless riddles?”

“...Yes,” Ford said bluntly before turning to the kids. “Anyway, children, do you know what a living, human-like being made of an earthen material such as mud, rocks, or in this case, clay,” he nodded over at Soos. “Is called?” The kids exchanged an uncertain glance at this, though it wasn’t long before the author filled in with an answer to his own riddle once more. “A golem. A clay golem in this particular instance, I believe.”

“Oooohhh so that’s what I am,” Soos mused, fascinated. “And I was just gonna keep calling myself “Soos: Clay Edition” but a golem sounds way cooler.”

“Furthermore,” Ford posed another riddle. “A creature with the arms, head, and torso of a human, but the body and legs of a deer is called a…?”

“A deertaur!” Steven and Mabel both chimed in with an enthusiastic answer. 

“Ugh, for the last time, you guys, that’s not what it’s called!” Dipper protested, his tail flickering in aggravation. 

“You’re absolutely right, Dipper, that’s not what it’s called,” Ford pointed out with a knowing grin. “You’re actually a cervitaur.”

“Eh, that doesn’t have nearly the same ring to it…” Mabel said, looking to her brother dubiously. “Grunkle Ford, can you do me next!”

“Mabel,” Dipper cut in, shaking his head. “We already know you’re a-”

“A creature that’s half girl and half fish would be known as…?”

“A mermaid!” Mabel immediately guessed. “I know because I am one! Right now!”

“Correct,” Ford nodded, pleased. “Now… hm… this one is a bit trickier. A physical spirit tied to… well, traditionally trees, but I suppose just about any form of flora works, as is the case with Steven here, so that would make him a…?”

“Uh… Mabel guessed flower guy earlier so, I’ll go with that?” Steven suggested, though he really had no idea himself. 

“Actually, my boy, you’re what’s known as a dryad,” Ford corrected. “Or more accurately, the male form of a dryad, a drus. A rose drus, from the looks of it…”

“...It had to be roses, didn’t it?” Steven muttered to himself as he rubbed his thorn, covered arm apprehensively. 

“Now, rounding things off, a creature that’s wolf-like in appearance, but-”

“It’s a werewolf,” Wendy interrupted boredly. “Already figured that out as soon as I realized I had a tail, man, it’s not that hard.”

“Ah,” Ford said somewhat awkwardly before continuing. “Then how about an immaterial spector that’s-”

“A ghost,” Connie readily filled the answer. “Sorry, Mr. Ford. We… kind of already figured that one out too.”

“...Very well then,” the author noted as he glanced over at the Gems. “As for you three, I… can’t quite seem to think of anything-”

“Oh, thank god,” Stan said, breathing a sigh of relief. 

“Are… are they… corrupted?” Ford asked the kids in particular. 

“Sort of?” Steven shrugged. “They’re still themselves though, right, you guys?” The Gems let out a variety of unintelligible answers at this, but all of them seemed to confirm this to be true. 

“Fascinating…” Ford adjusted his glasses as he looked over each of the Gems’ semi-corrupted forms. “All of this is just so… fascinating! I could fill up an entire journal alone with all of the scientific discoveries to be found here! And while I’m on that note, another riddle! What’s-”

“No!” Stan quickly cut him off, leaping forward with a powerful flap of his wings to practically tackle Ford to the ground. “You are not asking another one of your dumb riddles on my watch!”

“...Well, you could have just asked, Stanley,” Ford huffed, pushing his brother off him. “You didn’t need to be so extreme about it.”

“Oh, hey!” Steven cut in, pointing to a familiar van driving toward the shack. “Looks like Dad’s on his way here!”

Sure enough, Greg’s van pulled up to a sudden stop in front of the group gathered outside the shack, with the former rock star poking his head out the window frantically. “Steven!” he exclaimed, startled by what had happened to both his son and the others. Greg himself had also undergone a rather alarming transformation, as he was seemingly wrapped in browning bandages from head to toe, with what little skin showing between those bandages looking drastically pale and almost lifeless. Yet he hardly seemed to care much for his own appearance as he threw the van door open to check on his son and the others instead. At least until one of his bandages got caught up in the door as he slammed it shut. “Aw, not again!” he huffed, pulling the bandage out before hurrying over to Steven. “L-look at you!” he exclaimed, practically having to look up at his son thanks to the vines still holding him aloft. “Are you ok? Is everyone ok?”

“Yeah, we’re all fine,” Steven nodded. 

“E-even the Gems…?” Greg asked, sending them a worried look. 

“Yeah, they’re ok too,” the young Gem mustered a small smile. 

“Ah! Here we go!” Ford piped up with a brand-new riddle. “What would you call an undead creature typically wrapped in cloth bandages to try and preserve the decaying body?”

“U-undead?!” Greg balked, glancing down at himself fearfully. 

“Join the club…” Connie spoke up as she hovered nearby. 

“A mummy! Greg’s a mummy! Geez!” Stan swiftly answered, shoving his brother out of aggravation. “What did I say about the riddles?!”

“Oh, honestly, Stanley! You don’t have to be such a brute!” Ford took a swing at the conman with his claws, only for them to hit solid stone instead.

“And you don’t have to be such a pain!” Stan countered, utilizing his wings to gain the literal upper hand over the author before he could lash out again. Ford didn’t let him get away that easily as he also managed to take flight, and soon enough both brothers were engaged in a midair chase that everyone briefly stopped to watch before returning to the matter at hand. 

“So yeah, like Steven said, we’re all doin’ pretty good,” Soos reiterated obliviously. 

“I-I can’t believe this whole monster thing happened to all of you guys too!” Greg exclaimed, running a hand through the hair that was sticking out from under the bandages. 

“What do you mean ‘too’?” Dipper asked, confused. 

“Haven’t you seen the news?” Greg asked, incredulously. 

“Oh, yeah,” Wendy spoke up as she pulled the latest town news report up on her phone before holding it up for everyone to see. “Check it out.”

“This just in,” Shandra Jimenez, who seemed to have been turned into a harpy, reported urgently. “Monster madness has taken over Gravity Falls! Residents all over town have reported being suddenly transformed into magical or mythical creatures.” Sure enough, the accompanying footage proved this to be true as every citizen shown seemed to be some sort of monster or cryptid or creature, each in some varying level of surprise or panic over their new forms. “The cause for this town-wide transformation is still unknown, but experts believe the large flash of bright light that encompassed the entire area earlier today might have had something to do with it. For now, residents are advised to continue on with business as usual until some sort of cure can be found. We’ll be back with more details at 5, but for now, I’m Shandra Jimenez, and it’s time for my hourly preening session.” With a loud squawk, the anchor signed off to pick at the feathered wings that had taken the place of her arms and putting an end to the news briefing in the process. 

“T-this is happening to the entire town?!” Dipper asked in disbelief. All four of the kids exchanged a startled glance at this as they realized this problem was much more widespread and far more serious than they first thought. Which, of course, would only make finding an elusive solution for it much more difficult than they had originally hoped. 

“Yeah, it is, and somebody better do something about it! Soon.” 

“No way…” Dipper gasped as he was the first to notice who was emerging, or rather slithering out of the nearby forest. “Pacifica?!”

Like all of the others, Pacifica’s appearance had drastically changed, primarily by the way of her legs being replaced by a long, light gold, snake-like tail. That reptilian theming continued with her hair, which was no longer really hair at all but a horde of snakes, each of them alive and autonomous as they moved about on their own accord. The heiress-turned-gorgon clearly cared little for her own snakes as she pushed the unruly reptiles back as they hissed and maneuvered about freely. Yet her frustration quickly fizzled into shock as she spotted the group of various creatures and monsters in front of the shack, though she focused most of her concern on her boyfriend in particular. 

“Oh my gosh!” Pacifica exclaimed, clumsily slithering over to her as Dipper tried to meet her halfway every bit as awkwardly on his still rather unsteady legs. “D-Dipper, you… look-”

“Please don’t say adorable,” Dipper interrupted, deadpan. 

“...I was gonna say like a deer, but…” Pacifica couldn’t help but crack a small smile at this, revealing her new set of sharp fangs. “You definitely look better off than I do right now…”

“What? N-no!” Dipper countered, trying to reassure her as best he could as he suppressed a nervous cringe as one of her snakes drew in a bit too close to him for comfort. “You, uh… you look…”

“Don’t lie,” the heiress warned coldly. 

“...S-snakes,” Dipper finished, unable to really say much else as he realized he was slightly trembling again. 

“Yeah, snakes,” Pacifica scowled, reigning her snakes back again as several of them started crowding around Dipper, their almost hungry stares making him quite uncomfortable. “Please tell me you’re working on a way of undoing this whole mess…”

“Of course, we are,” he said, suppressing his sudden anxiety as he took her hands to comfort her. “We’ll figure something out, I promise.”

“AW!” Mabel suddenly gushed from her pool. “Even like this, you guys are still the CUTEST couple ever! What I wouldn’t give to have my camera on me! Though then again, maybe it’s better that I don’t… I don’t think it’s waterproof…” 

“Oh, come on, really?” Pacifica asked in disbelief as she glanced over at Mabel. “You got turned into a mermaid? I wish I could have been that lucky…”

“Tell me about it,” Connie sighed as she suddenly materialized right beside the heiress, startling both her and her snakes in the process. 

“Ok, everyone,” Dipper addressed the others, outside of Stan and Ford who were still engrossed in their petty brawl above. “Let’s get back on track. We need to start looking for some way to get all of us back to-” A high, loud screech abruptly cut him off as it echoed through the air, though it didn’t take long for everyone to discover the source of the noise as it came from above. Stan and Ford’s ongoing argument was only briefly interrupted by the arrival of a winged creature that suddenly blazed right past them both. That blue, jellyfish-esque creature was apparently holding something with its thin set of lengthy tentacles, a much smaller, bright green, six legged spider-like monster. While a pair of such peculiar creatures would have normally been cause for alarm, as the jellyfish gently set the spider down on the ground before coming to hover just above it, it soon became very apparent to just about everyone exactly who these creatures, or partially corrupted Gems really were. 

“Wait a second…” Steven said, focusing on the familiar gemstones on each of the monsters. “Isn’t that-”

“Oh my gosh! Peri!” Mabel practically squealed with delight at the spider-like form Peridot had taken on. “You look so CUTE! You’re like an itsy-bitsy Gem spider! If I could get out of this pool, you better believe I’d be giving you the biggest hug right now!”

Peridot let out a flustered hiss at this, her large, dark eyes narrowing in apparently frustration and embarrassment as she stomped her two front, disjointed legs down in annoyance. An apparent testament that the green Gem still retained her annoyance at being referred to as small, even in her now largely-corrupted form. 

At the same time, Dipper was completely caught off guard as the jellyfish creature suddenly flew over to him, remaining completely silent as several of its long tendrils reached out toward him. Immediately, his relatively new panicky instincts washed over him as he froze up, staring at the monster with stark, fearful, yet quiet alarm. The creature quickly noticed this and drew back a bit, seemingly confused and concerned, though it was still unable to make so much as a sound to convey either of those things. 

“Uh, Dipper?” Steven placed a steadying hand on his shoulder as his vines carried him over to him. “I… think that’s Lapis…”

At this, Dipper quickly snapped out of this forceful bout of shock, recognition filling his features as he spotted the teardrop shaped gemstone that was clearly visible through the jellyfish’s somewhat transparent blue body. “L-Lapis…?”

Lapis “nodded” as much as she could in her current form, slowly reaching her tendrils out once more so she could better see how Dipper had changed too. This time, he allowed her to, albeit a bit anxiously as one of her naturally wet tentacles found a gentle spot against the side of his face. “Uh… s-sorry,” he said, backing up a bit. “This is just… really weird…”

Though Lapis didn’t really respond to this, Peridot certainly did in a series of plaintiff hisses as she skittered around in apparent frustration. “Yeesh, even like this she’s still a loudmouth,” Pacifica noted to Connie and Mabel, aside, both of whom couldn’t help but agree. 

“So, you guys got corrupted--er, s-sort of corrupted too, huh?” Steven asked Lapis and Peridot, who both nodded in what almost seemed like resignation to this fact. The young Gem let out a small, fretful sigh as he took a moment to glance over the pair, as well as other Gems’ rather monstrous forms. Likewise, he took another moment to take stock of what had happened to his father, to Soos and Wendy and Pacifica, to Stan and Ford, to Mabel, Dipper, and Connie, and even to himself. For whatever reason, they had all undergone some kind of unknown, and in most cases unwanted, transformation, one that had disrupted their lives and left them all with more questions than answers as they tried to adapt to what had so suddenly happened to them, a plight that faced  the entire town and everyone in it, Gems and humans alike. And while Steven knew Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl weren’t particularly equipped to save Gravity Falls from such a plight as they usually would have, he figured that someone else would just have to step up and do exactly that in their stead. 

“All right, enough is enough,” Steven said, his tone stern and serious as he looked to Dipper, Mabel, and Connie. “We need to do something about this.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time,” Dipper huffed, his tail twitching in slight aggravation.

“I know…” Steven admitted as a few of his vines curled back in embarrassment. “B-but this time, let’s actually do it! We can find a way to undo this and get all of us, everyone--the whole town, back to the way they’re supposed to be, I know we can! So, are you guys up for another mystery?”

“You bet!” Mabel eagerly chimed, slapping her hand over Steven’s as he extended it to the others. “Mystery Kids!”

“Mystery Kids,” Connie agreed, hovering her hand over the others even though she couldn’t really touch them herself. 

Dipper sighed, though he did so with a warm, resolved smile as his hand joined the pile. “Mystery Kids.” He paused right after this, however, as he stole a glance over at Pacifica, who stood on the fringes of the group, glancing away awkwardly as even her snakes seemed to hang low and quiet. She started, however, as she caught sight of Dipper silently motioning her to join them. Considering her less than stellar history with the other members of the group, she hesitated, but she ultimately folded upon meeting her boyfriend’s soft, reassuring smile. 

“M-Mystery Kids…?” Pacifica ventured as she slithered over to the group and placed her hand atop theirs. Steven, Mabel, and Connie all offered her the same eager, welcoming smiles, which helped to set her at ease just as much as Dipper reaching up to lightly, supportively squeeze her hand did. 

With another daring cheer, the four--now five--Mystery Kids solidified their brazen mission to uncover the truth behind what had happened to Gravity Falls and find a way to solve it. A lofty, brazen goal to be sure, but one they felt largely equipped to handle; after all, they’d faced impossible odds like this more than a few times before. 

“Ok,” Dipper said as they all retracted their hands. “Let’s get started.”

“Good luck, dudes!” Soos encouraged with a bright wave, though his hand ended up melting off his wrist before it splattered onto the porch. “...Oops.”

“Uh, you guys might wanna hurry up on that,” Wendy noted as she watched the handyman reclaim his hand with a concerned frown. “I don’t know how much longer Soos can hold out with it being this hot out. Or how much longer I can hold out either for that matter…” she growled, scratching away at her own thick fur. 

“Wait, hold up,” Stan cut in as he finally came in for a landing, Ford following not too far behind him as their disagreement had reached a stalemate. “The entire town is cursed or something, and we’re just supposed to rely completely on you kids to get us all back to normal? N-not that I don’t trust you four, but you gotta admit you’re a little wet behind the ears. In some cases, literally,” he nodded over at Mabel. 

“Guilty as charged,” Mabel chuckled, showing off her now fin-like ears, which were, sure enough, soaking wet. 

“Stanley, don’t be so inconsiderate,” Ford scolded. “After all, who has accomplished impressive feats of discovery and problem solving through pooling their respective talents together on several occasions over the past few months alone?”

“We have!” Steven proudly proclaimed.

“Exactly,” the author nodded, ignoring his brother’s irritated glare over yet another riddle. 

“Well, you kids have definitely got my vote of confidence,” Greg soundly agreed amidst resecuring a loose bandage around his arm. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Steven grinned, leading the way toward the forest. He stopped short, however, in front of the Gems, all of whom, including Lapis and Peridot, regarded him affectionately as best as they could, even if they had to do so without using words. “Don’t worry, guys,” he assured them with a hopeful smile. “We’re gonna fix this, no matter what it takes. I promise.” Though none of the Gems could properly express it, their pride was clear through the round of various indiscernible, yet clearly happy cheers that rose up among them. Their warm support only gave a boost to the young Gem’s smile as he turned back to the other kids. “Ok, you guys ready to go--oh…” 

His question was answered before he even finished asking it, for while Connie was able to freely hover just about anywhere with few problems, Dipper and Pacifica were still quite unsteady on their hooves and tail respectively and Mabel was essentially confined to her tiny kiddie pool (which her long tail was actually halfway sticking out of). “Uh… right,” Steven let out a small laugh, realizing that the others didn’t have an autonomous set of vines to tote them around like he currently did. “We should probably figure this out first…”

The solution when it came to transportation was actually pretty simple, and a large part of that came down to Steven’s several sets of sturdy vines. As intangible as she was, Connie couldn’t really do much to help, but Steven hardly minded as he allowed both Dipper and Pacifica to cling onto a few of his vines, as well as each other, for support as they began to make their way through the woods. Mabel had been a bit tricker, but they’d eventually devised an idea upon finding an old pair of skateboards stored in the back of Greg’s van. It took a bit of doing (namely in getting Stan and Ford to cooperate long enough to work together to lift Mabel’s pool onto the boards) but eventually the pool itself was fully mobile and ready to be pulled along by a few more of Steven’s vines (of which he fortunately had plenty to spare). And just like that the small, but enthusiastic group set out on their daunting quest, though exactly how they were supposed to go about it still wasn’t exactly clear. 

“So… what are we out here looking for anyway?” Connie finally posed the question that all of the others had been thinking. 

“A way to get everyone back to normal,” Steven replied with a steady grin. 

“Ok, but like… how?” Pacifica asked, just as confused as Connie was. 

“Uh, well…” Dipper began, exchanging an uncertain glance with Steven. “We… don’t really know what we’re looking for exactly. To be honest, a lot of the times when we do this, we just tend to look around for a bit until a solution just sort of comes to us.” At that exact moment, the entire group came to a grinding halt as something, or rather, a certain semi-corrupted Gem to be exact, abruptly fell out of the canopy of trees just in front of them. “...Like that.”

“Centi!” Steven exclaimed as he reached a vine out toward the disoriented Gem to help her up. “You’re back! A-and… whoa, you look just like you did before!” Sure enough, Centipeetle hadn’t been transformed whatsoever like all of the other Gems had, for she still retained the same semi-corrupted appearance she’d had since Steven had tried to heal her. Likewise, she still seemed to have a rather skittish mindset as she cowered away from Steven, not seeming to recognize him or any of the others in their strange new forms. “Hey, i-its ok!” he said, pulling his vines back a bit so he couldn’t scare her any further. “It’s just me: Steven! I know I look a little different right now, but you don’t have to be scared, ok?”

Centipeetle eased up a bit at this, looking Steven up and down before calming down as she met his comforting smile. She let out a somewhat confused chirp as she walked over to him, and that confusion only seemed to grow as she looked over the other kids as well. 

“So this… “Centi��� is a friend of yours?” Pacifica asked Dipper to gain a better sense of context. “Yikes, it looks like she got hit by this whole monster thing really hard…”

“Um, actually, she looked like that before any of this happened,” Dipper carefully pointed out. 

“...Oh,” Pacifica glanced away awkwardly. “My bad…”

“I don’t understand,” Connie spoke up as she flew closer to Centipeetle, who flinched away from her slightly. “I know she’s already partially corrupted, but why didn’t she fully turn back into a monster like the other Gems did?”

“Good question,” Steven said, watching as the semi-corrupted Gem sauntered past him. “You got hit by that light too, didn’t you, Centi? Do you have any ideas about what might have happened?”

Centipeetle didn’t respond as she was instead far more fascinated in the small pool Mabel was sitting in. Or rather, the pool that Mabel had completely submerged her entire head under for far more than just a few mere minutes now. 

“Oh my gosh, Mabel!” Dipper gasped, not hesitating to stumble over to her as fast as he could. Though her tail was hanging over the side of the tiny pool, the rest of her body lay face-up under the shallow water, her expression completely blank as she stared up at nothing at all as her gills “breathed” in the water surrounding her at a steady, synchronized pace. “Mabel!” Dipper reached into the water, grabbing her by the shoulder to rouse her from this bizarre trance. It worked as she gasped, darting up with a start and unintentionally splashing her brother in the process. 

“W-whoa!” she exclaimed, pressing a hand against her head. “Uh… sorry,” she offered Dipper an apologetic grin as she noticed he was now dripping wet. “Not sure what happened, I guess I sorta zoned out there. Oh hey! Centi’s back!”

“Ok, can we not backtrack here?” Pacifica asked, somewhat impatient. “We’re supposed to be finding a way to fix all this, remember?”

“Right,” Steven soundly agreed with a hopeful smile. “And I think Centi might just be the key to helping us figure that out.”

Centipeetle tilted her head, letting out a curious coo at this, yet a few of the other kids weren’t so convinced. “Uh… Steven? I know you still want to help her, and we do too, but… we sort of have bigger problems to deal with right now, don’t you think?” Dipper asked apprehensively. 

“But Centi was corrupted, just like the Gems sort of are now,” Steven pointed out. “And whatever corrupted them transformed the rest of the town too. So maybe whatever did that did this too!”

“But we still don’t know how corruption even happens to begin with,” Connie noted with a frown. 

“Maybe we don’t, but Centi might!” Steven turned back to the semi-corrupted Gem. “What do you say? Do you remember anything from before you--I-I mean… from long ago?”

Centipeetle took a moment to ponder this question before she answered it with a surprisingly enthusiastic nod. Likewise, she began to explain, albeit in her usual language of inhuman squeaks and squawks, none of which any of the kids could even begin to decipher. 

“Well, this isn’t gonna work,” Dipper remarked flatly. 

“Oh! I have an idea!” Mabel raised her hand. “If her memories are still in her head, we just gotta draw them out. Literally! Through the language… of ART!”

“...Or she could just write it all down,” Pacifica countered much less dramatically. 

“Yeah, that would probably be a little easier,” Connie nodded. 

“Now, if only we had some paper and a-” Steven stopped short as Dipper suddenly pulled both a notepad and a pen out of his vest. 

“I never leave home without them,” he said with a proud grin. “Especially since you never know what you’ll run into next around here. It never hurts to be prepared.”

“Dork,” Pacifica teased, lightly elbowing him, which he was more than happy to accept given the flirtatious nature of the gesture. 

“Ok, Centi, check this out,” Steven said, writing his name onto the first empty page of the notepad. “Ste-ven. That’s me! Can you do that?”

Centipeetle nodded, taking the pad as she began to scribble something down onto the page. When she was done and presented her work to the kids, however, the series of jagged, mangled lines she’d drawn didn’t bear semblance to any legible words at all. 

“...You know, maybe having her draw might not be such a bad idea after all…” Connie said somewhat fretfully. 

“Yes!” Mabel cheered. “Art always wins!”

“Ok then, let’s try this,” Steven sketched out a quick stick figure sketch of himself so Centipeetle would understand what they wanted her to do. “You can tell us whatever you want to through pictures! You try it.” 

Centipeetle reclaimed the pen and pad and began to do exactly that, sketching something out in record time before showing her work to the others. “That looks like… some kind of spaceship…” Connie inferred, hovering above as she glanced down at the Gem’s rough, yet understandable drawing. “Is that how you came to Earth?”

Centipeetle nodded, flipping the pad to a blank page as she started doodling something else. “Ooo, they look like you!” Mabel pointed toward the trio of stick figures that bore a passing semblance to the semi-corrupted Gem. “Centi, did you used to roll with a super cool crew back in the day?”

Centipeetle let out a happy chirp at this, pointing to herself with something of a proud smile. “You were a captain?!” Steven gasped, stars in his eyes. “That’s amazing! Sorry, I mean--that’s amazing, sir!” he chuckled with a playful salute before he happened to catch himself. “Oh, right, you guys don’t salute like that. It’s more like… this, right?” The young Gem awkwardly tried to cross his arms, though he couldn’t quite position them in any sort of comfortable manner. “Ow! Oh, this looked so easy when Peridot did it....” It didn’t take long for Centipeetle to catch onto what he was trying to do as she showed him the corrected cross-armed salute. “Oh yeah! Like that!” Steven nodded as the semi-corrupted Gem let out another noisy chirp before she resumed drawing out her tale once more. 

“Ok, so… you’re saluting someone…?” Dipper guessed as they all gathered closer to watch Centipeetle draw. “Is that your commander or something?” The semi-corrupted Gem nodded, pointing back to her drawings with another pointed squawk. ‘

“She gave you an order,” Connie continued inspecting the drawings. “And you and your crew got on your ships and--oh, lots of ships. Heading through space to… Earth.”

“You landed and started building stuff,” Steven mused as Centipeetle sketched out the start of Homeworld’s colonization of the planet. A colonization which soon turned to a violent conflict. “But then… the Gem war! You joined the fight…” Centipeetle’s drawings grew a bit more aggressive and hectic as her hand started to shake. She swiftly crossed out several of the Gems she had drawn, symbolizing their brutal ends that happened so long ago. “You and your crew kept going…” Steven faltered as Centipeetle suddenly ripped half of the page she was working on, tearing away her fellow crew members away from her. “You got seperated, but you were still fighting. Then, new orders from your commander… to retreat. Everyone’s running-” The sketches shifted to a massive crowd of Gem soldiers fleeing from some unknown, unseen threat. And among that crowd was Centipeetle, lost in the shuffle and hopelessly confused as to what was really going on. “But from what? You don’t know. Where’s your crew? Where’s your ship? You stopped.” Centipeetle froze in her drawing, captivated by the sky as a large star, three stars rather, appeared in it. “You heard something--from the sky, a sound. A song? And then…”

Centipeetle tore the last page away entirely to a completely blank one. She covered that empty page with her hand as tears started to slip out of her eye and splash down onto the paper, dampening it as she let out an agonized sob. “C-Centi?” Mabel spoke up, concerned. 

“That light…” Dipper began in dawning realization. “That’s the same light that hit the entire town! Where did it come from?”

Centipeetle whimpered once more but drew one last image upon the empty page: the familiar symbol of a trio of diamonds. “D-damage from the Diamonds…” Steven whispered, his eyes wide with alarm. 

“Uh… what does that mean?” Pacifica asked, largely out of the loop compared to the others. 

“It means… none of this makes sense…” Connie shook her head incredulously. “The light from the Diamonds corrupted Gems back then, but… it didn’t work on humans before… did it?”

“N-no, it… it only worked on Gems, like Centi…” Steven frowned, recalling what Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl had told him of corruption before. “But this time, it only affected the Gems’ bodies, not their minds like it did with all the others… And it did work on humans… So, what’s different now?”

“Bill,” Dipper said starkly, panic filling his expression as he recalled a very significant, very frightening recent revelation. “H-he’s working with the Diamonds now, o-or at least Yellow Diamond, remember? What if they teamed up to do this to us?!”

“B-but why would they-” Steven didn’t get a chance to finish his question as Centipeetle suddenly caught his attention. The semi-corrupted Gem was hacking horribly, acid spilling out from her beak-like maw as she abruptly collapsed to the ground. “Centi! Are you ok?!”

Centipeetle let out an anguished cry as light enveloped her arm, forcibly mutating it back into its previously short, insect-esque appendange. “W-what’s happening to her?!” Mabel asked, leaning out of her pool worriedly. 

“She’s reverting!” Steven exclaimed, alarmed. “Here, I’ll heal you again!” The young Gem hurried to do so, swiftly licking his hand and placing it against Centipeetle’s gemstone. She reacted harshly, however, her eye slamming shut as her arm glitched out, but ultimately stayed corrupted as the rest of her body began to do the same. “W-why isn’t it working?! How can I help you?!” 

All Centipeetle could respond with was a loud, piercing, pained screech, one that echoed through the forest and set off a series of varied responses in the process. As startled as she was, Connie was no longer able to keep herself visible as she abruptly disappeared into thin air once more, despite Steven’s desperate plea for her to stay. Likewise, as horrified as he already was by thoughts of Bill and the Diamonds and their twisted alliance, Dipper found he was completely helpless to resist his new flighty instincts overwhelming all sense of reason and logic as they prompted him to flee, running swiftly off into the forest, even as Mabel and Pacifica both tried and failed to reign him back in. 

And yet, Dipper and Connie weren’t the only ones to take off out of fear as Centipeetle started doing the same, distressed as she startled scrambling back through the woods herself. “E-everyone, wait!” Steven called, distraught as he realized things were only going from bad to worse. 

“W-what do we do?” Mabel asked, immensely concerned. 

“Uh… um…” Steven stammered, racing to come up with some sort of plan, which he surprisingly managed to do in record time. “Pacifica, can you go look for Dipper?”

“Um, yeah, I’ll try,” Pacifica agreed, more than willing to do so, even if she wasn’t entirely sure how far she’d be able to go on her difficult to maneuver tail. 

“Mabel, you… stay here.”

“Yeah, I… kinda can’t really do much else,” Mabel noted, pointing to her tail. “Oh! I know! I’ll see if I can get Connie to come back!”

“Great,” Steven nodded as his vines turned him around. “I’m gonna go after Centi. I’ll be back soon!”

“Good luck!” Mabel called after both Pacifica and Steven as they set off on their own respective missions. She paused a moment after they were gone, more than set to call after Connie in the hopes of getting her to appear. Yet just before she could, her own bizarre newfound instincts took over as she silently plunged herself back under the water of her pool, unable to really do anything else, even if she could have tried. 

Fortunately, it didn’t take long for Steven to catch up to Centipeetle given how surprisingly fast his vines could carry him. The semi-corrupted Gem had just broken through the edge of the forest, apparently heading back toward the temple, yet as Steven did the same, he was quite taken aback by what he saw happening at the Mystery Shack. 

The entire area was awash in chaos as it seemed as though almost everyone who had gathered there had also fallen victim to whatever instinctual impulses that came along with their new monstrous forms. Stan and Ford had apparently gotten into another brawl for whatever reason, though this one was much more violent and aggressive as they chased each other around the sky again. Wendy attempted to follow along on the ground, running on all fours as she growled almost ferally, and though she missed Centipeetle, she did notice Steven and tried chasing after him as well. The young Gem narrowly managed to avoid her using his floating powers to jump on top of his father’s van, though that hardly stopped the frantic scene on the ground below. Soos seemed to have tucked himself away inside the shack to avoid melting any further, and Greg was seemingly nowhere to be found, at least until Steven peeked into the back of the van to find his father sleeping soundly within it. 

“D-Dad!” Steven exclaimed, hurrying to his side, only to notice Greg’s arms were crossed squarely over his chest, much like a traditional mummy’s would have been. “Dad, wake up, please!” he shook his father’s shoulder to try and rouse him, though it didn’t do any good. “D-Dad…?”

A sudden screech quickly caught the distraught young Gem’s attention, one that came from Pearl, who he realized was standing right behind him alongside Garnet and Amethyst. While Lapis and Peridot had taken to the sidelines, unsure of what to do, the main trio of Gems had been doing their best to ease the mindless uproar between the others, though there wasn’t much they could really do with their forms as monstrous as they currently were. “G-guys, what… what’s going on?” Steven asked them, realizing they were much calmer than everyone else seemed to be. “Why’s everyone acting so weird?” 

Though she couldn’t really give a proper answer, Garnet replied in the form of a low grunt, nodding up toward the sky, or rather, toward where the apparent corrupting light had come from. “C-Corruption… yeah, we know,” Steven nodded, “We think it might have been Bill and the Diamonds this time, but they... “ He gasped as the newfound, horrific realization struck him. “They corrupted everyone’s bodies… but only the minds of the humans! That’s why they’re acting like this! W-we have to help them! B-but how?”

The Gems seemed to agree, though the only way they could really convey their idea to do so was to step aside so Steven could see Centipeetle, who was still frantically making her way up to the temple. “Centi?” the young Gem wondered anxiously. “D-do you think…?”

The Gems exchanged something of an uncertain glance but ultimately they agreed that the semi-corrupted Gem would be their best course of action right now. Something Steven couldn’t really argue with since he was largely out of ideas himself. “Right,” he nodded, his vines starting to pull him forward so he could follow her. “You guys stay here and keep everyone safe. I’m gonna find a way to fix all of this. I mean it this time.”

Even if they couldn’t exactly speak, the Gems still sent him off with a chorus of warm, proud well-wishes, voicing their firm belief in their young ward just as well as any words could have. Their faith did give Steven something of a confidence boost, but as he set off after Centipeetle he couldn’t help but feel quite worried all the same, especially now that the stakes seemed higher than ever before. What if he couldn’t find a way to return everyone to normal? What if his friends, his family, possibly even himself with time, were all eventually lost to their monstrous forms and mangled minds, just like previously corrupted Gems like Centipeetle had been centuries ago? 

These were all thoughts Steven could hardly bear to face, so he decided to embrace the opposite instead, the hope that he would find a solution. That he could fix this and save everyone, just as they were all counting on him to do, even if they didn’t even realize it. 

The young Gem burst into the house just moments after Centipeetle had, finding her propped up against the warp pad as she desperately tried using it. No teleporting light emerged from it however, much to the semi-corrupted Gem’s distress as her leg started glitching back into its previously corrupted appearance. “I-it’s not working because you’re corrupted,” Steven noted, hurrying over to her. “Where do you want to go? The battlefield you fought at? Your ship?”

Centipeetle squawked out an immediate response to this, though Steven still didn’t quite understand. “Is there something on the ship that can help you? That can help all of us?” The semi-corrupted Gem only screamed louder at this, slamming herself down onto the warp pad as she practically begged him to use it. “O-ok, just… hold on,” Steven said, grabbing her hand to calm her down. “I’ll get you there.”

Despite his own condition, fortunately Steven was still able to use the warp pad as usual. Its light enveloped them both, taking them to the very same abandoned Gem ship that Peridot had tried trapping them in what felt like ages ago now. As soon as she so much as spotted her ship, Centipeetle took off, running through the jungle as she called out for someone she only barely remembered. “Hey! Wait!” Steven ran after her, or rather his vines did, at least until Centipeetle suddenly stopped short. The corrupted Gem unleashed another agonized scream as she collapsed, clutching her head in pain as more traces of her monsterous form began to overtake her: her multiple tiny legs, her lengthy, multi-tiered body, her long, pincher-like snout. As this horrific, slow transformation continued, Steven briefly watched in frightened alarm, before he took the initiative, gently latching onto her with a few of his vines. “You want to get to the ship? Then let’s go.” As unable to walk as she was, Steven let his vines hoist Centipeetle up as she continued whimpering loudly, her form continuing to unsteadily shift as her mind tumbled into madness all the while. Yet despite her wild manner starting to flood her once more, she still somehow recognized Steven, still somehow trusted him to take her where she longed to be. And sure enough, that’s exactly what he did. 

The young Gem carefully set Centipeetle down just as all traces of her once human-like form gave way to her former corruption. She squeaked pitifully, acid dripping out of her maw as she looked to Steven almost pleadingly. He shuddered, wishing he could do so much more to help her, but for now, the most he could do was open the door to her abandoned ship and let her back inside of it for the first time in eons. 

Silently, Steven followed Centipeetle inside the derelict vessel, only to find that they weren’t alone. Two other creatures, identical to the corrupted Gem, had scaled its dusty walls and had taken up shop there, though as they noticed Centipeedle herself, they greeted her with cheerful chips of greet. “Other Centipeetles…?” Steven wondered, watching as his own corrupted companion scurried over to join the pair. “T-they’re your crew… aren’t they?” 

Centipeetle stopped short at this, turning back to Steven as she skittered over to him once more. He offered her a small, sad smile that was quick to fade as he looked between his corrupted friend and her crew. “I-I… I’m sorry….” he sighed morosely. “I wish there was more I could do to help you. T-to help everyone! All of the other corrupted Gems, and especially everyone back in Gravity Falls right now! They’re all in danger and I-I… I don’t know what to do to save them! My friends… e-everyone I know needs my help, a-and I… I can’t do anything for them…”

Tears started to well up in the young Gem’s eyes, yet before they could fall, a gentle, almost kindly chirp from Centipeetle caught his attention instead. The corrupted Gem pulled her lengthy form up a bit so she could gain some height over Steven, and then, in much of the same way he had done for her before, she delivered a soft “kiss” of sorts upon his forehead using the very tip of her beak. It wasn’t much, but in a strange way, it offered him exactly the sort of comfort he needed at a hopeless moment such as this. 

He mouthed her a silent ‘thank you’ as she turned again to join  her crew, all three corrupted Gems chirping warmly amongst each other as they reunited after centuries of painful separation. Steven stood by, watching them for a moment or two, his mind lingering on Centipeetle’s “kiss” all the while. And the longer he thought about the touching gesture, the more it made him think about how his own healing kiss had, at least in some way, truly worked to partially cure the corrupted Gem, even if it hadn’t really worked as well as he had hoped. Yet still, it had worked on some level all the same. Which made him start to wonder if it could possibly work when it came to another, newer kind of corruption instead. 

Steven wasn’t exactly sure what the result would be as he glanced over the back of his now-clawed hand, but as he looked to the vines sprouting from his back and thought about the pink petals that had overtaken his hair, he figured it was at least worth a try all the same. The moment he so much as skimmed the back of his hand with a gentle kiss, however, he found that everything went completely white and numb, until just as quickly, everything abruptly returned. 

Except plenty of things didn’t. Because instead of being involuntarily propped up on vines as he had been all day, the young Gem found himself sitting on the floor of the abandoned ship with not a single vine in sight. His skin had regained its usual pallor as opposed to the unnatural shade of pale pink it had become and his hands and hair, he found, were both just as normal as non-floral as they should have been. “I-I… I healed myself?!” he gasped, jumping to his feet, though he just as quickly collapsed to the ground. “O-oops, guess I gotta get used to walking around on my own again, b-but still, this is great!” He grinned brightly up at the trio of Centipeetles curiously watching him from above. “Thank you,” he said to Centi in particular. “I-I know my powers won’t work on you guys, but… maybe someday they will. And when they do, I’ll come back for you first, Centi, I promise.” Centi let out a bright, affectionate chip at this, one that Steven couldn’t help but return with a small, joyous laugh of his own. “B-but for now, I’ve gotta get back and see if I can help everyone else!”

Steven wasted no time in doing so, waving one final, fond farewell to Centi and her crew before he took off to return to town. And all the while, the trio of Centipeetles remained aboard their broken vessel, happy to be, if nothing else, together again, just as they had yearned for all that time apart. 

As soon as he warped himself back to the temple, Steven rushed out of it, running as fast as his admittedly sore legs could take him in place of having his vines tote him around. The chaos unfolding at the shack had hardly changed in the time that he’d been gone, withe Gems desperately trying and largely failing to reign the maddened humans among them back in. Still, as soon as they spotted Steven in his usual appearance, the Gems were all quick to hone in on him in rapt, excited, fervent attention. Still, despite the crowd, Steven steadily got to work, even if he did have a few doubts about whether or not his plan would really work at all. All the same, he started with Amethyst, landing a brief kiss against her muscled arm, one that, sure enough, enshrouded the purple Gem in light before reverting her form back to how it usually should have been. While grateful for Steven’s assistance, Amethyst did have the slightest complaints, namely that she had found her corrupted form to be rather fun and enjoyable, something Pearl readily disagreed with as soon as the young Gem healed her up next. Garnet was more than relieved to have her future vision back on hand as Steven healed her, and with her usual level-headedness, she got her teammates into action to round up the scattered humans while the young Gem healed Lapis and Peridot next. 

It had taken some doing, but between the three of them, the Gems had managed to round up Stan, Ford, and Wendy just as Steven finished off returning Greg and Soos to normal. The trio was still quite rowdy and untamed, which made approaching them a bit of a challenge for the young Gem, at least until Amethyst came up with the idea of a spray bottle on them. Miraculously, this managed to work as Steven mixed in a bit of his own healing spit into the water before the Gems spritzed the aggressive group with it, healing them in short order and leaving each of them quite embarrassed when they realized what had happened. 

With everyone at the shack healed up, Steven made it his immediate mission to find his scattered friends in the forest, a mission that the Gems were more than happy to join him on. Lapis took to the skies alongside Peridot to try and find any signs of Dipper (and Pacifica for that matter) while Steven and the others took to the ground to regroup with Mabel and hopefully Connie. They found the latter first, who had managed to reappear and nearly flew right into them while searching for the young Gem herself. As surprised as Connie was by how Steven had managed to heal everyone, they both found a unique challenge when he tried to do the same for her given her currently intangible form, one that he couldn’t seem to touch at all. That is, at least until Garnet suggested that they fuse. It was a bit awkward and difficult to do so, yet somehow, it worked, with Stevonnie taking on a partially physical form, though they did still hover above the ground while retaining something of a ghostly glow. Still, it was enough for the young Gem’s healing powers to work as they kissed their own arm, returning not just the fusion, but Connie herself back to normal once they warmly unfused. 

Since she was essentially unable to go anywhere else, Mabel had remained in her spot in her pool, staying under water the entire time so she could breath easier. Her expression was absolutely empty and she remained completely silent, even as Connie began propping her up out of the water so Steven could heal her. And as soon as he did, Mabel immediately snapped right back into her usual chatty self, even if she was a little disgruntled by her now wet skirt, socks, and shoes as she finally got out of the pool, able to walk on her own two returned legs once again. 

By then, Lapis and Peridot had returned with their report that they had spotted Dipper running off deeper into the forest. Not wanting to waste any time, Steven, Mabel, and Connie all raced to catch up with him, though when they found him, he wasn’t exactly alone. Pacifica had also managed to find him, though by now her newly predatory instincts had overtaken her as she cornered her frightened boyfriend as both her and her snakes prepared to take on their easy prey. This tense confrontation was put to a quick end as the other kids arrived to break it up, with the girls making use of the spray bottle on Pacifica while Steven managed to keep Dipper from slipping away again with a well-timed bubble so he could properly heal him. And as soon as the couple were both back in their right minds and usual bodies, they both soundly agreed to never speak of what had almost just transpired ever again. 

From there, healing the rest of the town from their monstrous plight was quite a daunting task for Steven and the others, though the spray bottle scheme did make doing so quite a bit easier. All it took was one spritz to each citizen-turned-creature and they were back to their usual fully-human forms. With the Gems and the Pines teaming up together to spread out through the town, it was only a matter of hours before every impacted resident had been healed (even if most of them had no idea exactly what the water that had done so actually contained). Still, the general consensus was a glad and grateful one amongst its citizens as Gravity Falls slowly but surely started getting back to normal (or at least as normal as the strange little town could be). 

“And that should be everyone,” Garnet noted, relying on her future vision to confirm that their mission was complete. While a handful of the others who had lended a hand had already headed back home, the kids and the Gems were the last to dole out healing to any remaining stragglers. And with the last few townsfolk healed and human again, the sun was just starting to set as the last of the group began to make their way back to the temple and the shack as well. “Good job, Steven.”

“Yeah! Magical healing powers for the win!” Mabel cheered as she ran alongside the young Gem. “Seriously, I’ve never missed having my legs this much!”

“And I’ve never missed having only two,” Dipper readily agreed with a sigh of relief. “Let’s just hope something like this never happens again. I don’t know if I can handle the whole “mindless deer panic” thing again.”

“Well, if it does ever happen again,” Connie spoke up, glancing over at Steven with a fond smile. “We know who we can count on to save the day next time, right?”

“Wrong,” Steven finally spoke up, his dejected expression more than apparent. “I couldn’t save everyone. You guys were right,” he looked up to the Gems. “I couldn’t help Centipeetle..”

“You brought the Centipeetle back to her ship,” Garnet said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You brought her back to her crew. They were waiting for her there. They didn’t want to leave her behind.”

“Wait…” Steven raised a confused eyebrow. “How did you know any of that?”

“She told us,” Garnet held up the previously discarded notepad Centi had sketched her story in. 

“Her drawings…?” Steven flipped through the book, perplexed. 

“Her writing,” the Gem leader corrected. 

“It’s actually decently legible!” Pearl pointed out the seemingly unintelligible scribbles Centi had written out. 

“Wow!” Steven grinned, glad that someone could make it out where they hadn’t been able to. “Um… did she mention anything about… the corrupting light?”

“Mm… no,” Pearl shook her head as she looked through the notepad. “Why do you ask?”

“Well…”

“Cause the light that turned everyone into monsters was totally the same thing!” Mabel interjected. “Or at least we think it was.”

“We also think Bill might have had something to do with it,” Dipper added disdainfully. “That’s why it actually worked on humans this time.”

The Gems exchanged a worried glance upon hearing this, none of them liking the idea of Bill and the Diamonds collaborating, especially on something like this, however plausible it might have been. Yet even so, they did manage to find a few holes in the kids’ theory all the same. “Uh, if it was corruption, then how was Steven able to heal us all up when he couldn’t do the same for your girl Centi?” Amethyst asked, confused. 

“I… don’t know,” Steven frowned, puzzled. “Maybe it just wasn’t as powerful this time? Even with Bill’s help?”

“Or maybe it was only one of the Diamonds instead of all three…” Garnet muttered quietly before Pearl quickly cut in. 

“W-well anyway, I suppose it doesn’t matter that much now that it’s all over and done with!” the white Gem exclaimed with a bit of a forced smile. 

“But… if Bill and the Diamonds can do something like this, then don’t you think we should be worried about what they’re planning next?” Dipper asked warily. 

“I-in the long term, yes…” Pearl ventured somewhat anxiously. “But for now-”

“For now, we won,” Garnet interjected. “Let’s celebrate that instead of worrying about what’s to come.”

Though Dipper let out something of a disgruntled sigh at this, the other kids largely agreed, especially Steven. Because just a few hours ago, he had thought he might have very well lost his friends and his family for good, to something that had been far out of anyone’s control. Yet now, through a miraculous turn of fate and a little of his own miraculous magic thrown in, here they all were, together and back to their normal selves again, just as they should have been. Well, almost all as they should have been. 

“Hey, Pearl?” Steven began, glancing down at the notepad once more. “Can you teach me how to write in Gem?”

“Oh, Steven, it’s very complicated,” Pearl said with a small smile. “And you won’t have much use for it.”

“Oh, I just want to know a few things like, ‘Hi, how are you?’, ‘Where’s the bathroom?’ and-” Steven stopped short as he flipped to the last drawing Centi had left behind, of the trio of diamonds representing the ones who had damaged her, and so many other innocent Gems in the process, seemingly beyond repair. Or at least it was for now, something that he could only hope to somehow change someday for Centi and her friends, just as he had for all of his. “And ‘I’m sorry’...”

Next:

[overencumberedkiwi-blog]

“Overcursed” Analysis

Narrative Context

“Overcursed” is a mouse-only browser game hosted by Armorgames.com. It’s premise is straight forward, with the player taking control of an portly, unshaven avatar with a cartooishly bulbous red nose and dressed a bit like a plumber of sorts with the intent of detecting and dispelling paranormal phenomena. “You”, as the avatar is called in the phone conversations each mission is proceeded by, are tasked with responding to clients who call your business, Overcursed Inc., and rooting out whatever problem they have related to the paranormal. 

Controls 

It is a mouse-only game, so the two inputs you have available to you are left and right click. Left click lets you move your character to a location specified by the glowing blue arrow after-effect once you’ve clicked. While this is the primary function for the input, left click also allows you to interact with effects in the environment, almost exclusively light switches and doors, as well as clicking on movable items to pick them up. Right click is reserved specifically for throwing items you are currently holding in whichever direction you are facing. While idle, the cursor can be seen as a light blue cross hair with a vertical line drawn from its center to the ground below it, to relay to the player exactly where the avatar will move if commanded to do so. This is a good idea, especially because the player will move their avatar through several story buildings, most of which you cannot see due to the camera always affixed to the avatar’s location in the center of the screen. However, you cannot hold left click to move continuously. This is fine on it’s own, though I personally would prefer it to be implemented, but it makes interacting with the environment and items on the ground difficult since the screen moves when you do and I found myself always making sure to stand still before picking items, or my cursor would never detect them and I would walk right past.

On Screen

There are next to no HUD elements in Overcursed. In fact, with the exception of direction meant expressly for the player and the phone calls in between levels, there aren’t any at all. On screen at any given time, a player can see the level, the avatar, his dog (a pug named “Rocky”), the level name at the top of the screen, and the player’s current objective written just below the level title. 

The Main Menu (as shown above) displays the two controls on either side of the avatar’s car, which serves as the beginning and ending point for all levels, with the title and credits over the top of both. 

Tone and Length

The game is short. I mean, really short. Browser games are not exactly known for their length or technical complication, obviously limited by the browser medium itself. Even so, Overcursed is only comprised of a surprisingly simple four levels, made even more simple by the plain objectives the player is given. Due to this, there’s a stilted kind of tone that come across in play. Starting out with a kind of Ghostbuster’s premise and a Stranger Thing’s aesthetic, Overcursed’s first level had nothing paranormal at all. A client calls with concerns about electromagnetic activity and the player responds by exploring the house and learning the simple controls of the game, such as opening doors, turning on lights, and interacting with objects, until they reach the faulty antenna on top of the house and fix it, satisfying the customer.  Things then escalate slightly when the next client asks the player to set up paranormal sensors in their home to detect suspected paranormal activity, which as yet to be documented. These first two levels lead the player to believe the tension will increase slowly, but this is no the case. The third level (addressed in the next section) was not so much a case of extreme escalation, but the fourth and final level is definitely guilty of this. From simple install and correct missions, the player is asked in the final stage to clean “scriptures” from the walls of a mansion using a cleaning spray. The player finds no scriptures, but instead the words “good boy” written in dripping blood on a bedroom wall. Cleaning it requires a single left click, but the player is stopped after leaving the room. A light switch is then presented to them as a shadowy figure appears behind them. The player flicks the light on and off three times before the figure disappears entirely and your objective changes to “RUN”, animated in shaky lettering. You run through the house (though not back to your car) and find a shed in the backyard. Inside, is a large green glowing gun called a “proton pack”. Upon picking it up, the game plays a triumphant sound and the somber, tense soundtrack switches to an upbeat score more akin to an action shooter; which is fitting, because that is what the game becomes. Everything changes instantly as your task is now to shoot fifteen wholly or partially disembodied ghost children called the “undead” as they float around the house. At this point, Rocky also dies via head explosion, presumably because of the ghosts. Very upsetting. After you kill the fifteen undead, you return to your car with the objective “enjoy the rest of your evening” and the music returns to what is was. 

It’s rather a case of tonal whiplash. A slow burn turns into a shooter and back again with the climax of the title not utilizing any skills or tricks the player would have acquired along the way. I suspect this was meant to shock the player and give them that zero to ten effect intentionally, but because of the short build up time, which didn’t allow for proper tension to build, the desired effect came off as a bit random.

Level 3 

The game does a fantastic job of letting the player know, whether implicitly or explicitly, what they need to do. You can figure out clicking on interactable items will trigger them without needing the game to tell you, but the information it does give is still helpful. However, the one time it fails to communicate to the player what is required is in Level 3: The Beast. A client calls and says there is a beast in his house which needs to be killed and all olfactory traces expunged from the home. Rocky identifies each “bad smell” interactables and the player is given a cleaning spray to get rid of them. However, I was stumped when it came to the titular beast. The player is given a bear trap to kill it and I was under the impresssion that I ought to find food to place in the trap and put it somewhere logical. All this was an assumption, granted, but my only stated objective was “kill the beast” so I felt it was quite an open-ended question. I tried for some time to place the trap and the food in logical locations, but in the end I couldn’t find the solution. A quick Google told me this was a common frustration, with several Armorgame forums being devoted to “the level 3 problem”. The real solution was to simply put the trap anywhere in the kitchen. I, like many others it seemed, found this confusing as the level presented the beast as a problem to be thought out and baited correctly, rather than simply “put item here”. 

Conclusion

All in all, I enjoyed the game. It was quite short, and suffered a bit from a tonal perspective because of it, but it’s also an internet browser game. It’s goal is not to inspire incredible emotional reactions, it’s just a bit of fun you can have in between classes or if you have a bit of down time. There is a little humor there, a little spookiness, and a little horror, but it doesn’t commit to any one of these in whole just because it’s creators knew they didn’t have to. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone who likes clicking investigative games and doesn’t mind seeing a dog’s head explode. 

[bonerhitler]

Kingdom Hearts does not live up to my nostalgia.

So last week I tried to write a fun article about Kingdom Hearts' crazy story -and it is absolutely nuts- but I just couldn't. I couldn't just ignore the big overhanging issues I had with the series and ultimately scrapped it at the last minute and now I'm writing this here because replaying Kingdom Hearts through the 1.5+2.5 pack on the PS4, hoo boy this series just doesn't hold up. I don't know how, or why, I ever liked it as a kid either since the issues I take with the series now have nothing to do changes made to the games in the Final Mix editions, or changing tastes as I've aged. As such if I do compare them to other games, I will strictly do so to other PS2 games released around the same time frame.

So lets start at the core issue that has continually frustrated me the most since undertaking this task of replaying a once beloved series; the gameplay. It hasn't just aged poorly, but it's extremely clunky and so much of it just feels like an afterthought. The first Kingdom Hearts came out in 2002 and it's a chunky, awkward game with extremely floaty and imprecise platforming. Jak and Daxter, Soul Reaver 2 and Devil May Cry each came out in 2001 and out perform Kingdom Hearts in terms of platforming and combat.

So what's so bad about it? Well for a start you have surprisingly little control over your own character. Once you decide to attack, guard or jump you're just kind of stuck in a slow animation. Enemies, meanwhile, are fast and often have skills that let them just become briefly invincible. Meanwhile basic skills like blocking and dodging have to be unlocked through levelling up. And based on choices in the beginning (you pick if you want to focus on magic, attack or defense and sacrifice one of the remaining two) you might not get those for an exceedingly long time. In fact that whole system is incredibly bizarre since one specific choice gives two additional MP, in a game where maximum MP is not only hard to come by, but determines how strong your magic is and is exceedingly limited otherwise. You can't get those two points any other way than with that specific choice at the start of the game.

Range is also a surprisingly strange issue in Kingdom Hearts and it's not too often to swing your keyblade -a blunt weapon shaped like a key- and miss unless your character's body is nearly touching the opponent as your forward momentum and motion just stops dead. Enemies often freely can attack from range as well, whether it's a charge attack from across the map, teleporting right to you and attacking you, or just throwing fireballs non-stop. Your only ranged offense is magic. Magic is not only severely limited, with it's offensive power dictated by your maximum MP which caps at 19 compared to the 100 cap of every other stat in the game, but it's fairly intuitive to use as well, requiring an entire secondary menu to manage outside of three quick-use slots that will almost inevitably go to your utility spells.

So in the end you've got poor mobility, very little in the way of defensive measures and the game saddles you with AI partners that die almost instantly in every fight. Unless you min/max your stat build most fights in the game just become a matter of  mashing the attack button and tanking hits while spamming the cure spell because there's just genuinely nothing else to the combat system. There's no reward for doing better. No gameplay function that lets you do better. In theory you can guard and counter attacks, but when you have a swarm of enemies that turn into flat textures on the floor, and another swarm of dudes flying through the sky by their nose it's incredibly hard to get the guard timing down because almost none of the enemies have attack tells that are recognizable from the spastic flailing they do when they're just standing around idle -but more on this in a second-. Inversely, however, combat is obscenely easy when it's one on one and no single enemy or boss really poses a threat unless they've got a crazy gimmick where they instantly kill you or something. In short, there's no actual challenge to the gameplay. There's nothing to overcome and learn. When you die it's not “When he does that he's doing a powerful attack, dodge it next time” or “I can't figure out this boss' pattern!” It's simply “Dang, I forgot to heal after he hit me.” It's mindless and uninteresting. You can power through everything.

Enemy design as well is lackluster at best. Visually I like the series, and I'll praise that later on. But fighting non-boss enemies is just tedious. Most enemies have some form of invulnerability. Whether it's the ability to just, literally, become invincible for a bit, invulnerability if attacked from a specific direction, or an annoying ability to just fly/teleport out of possible range -some times even the map- forcing you to sit there and wait for them to come back. This results in a lot of large fights where you kill off half the enemies then have to wait for the other half of the enemies to just let you hit them. Waiting around for enemies in a game to let you fight them is never fun, especially in a game where you don't have any kind of guard break. As I alluded to above animations are a mess as well. Enemies tend to just kind of twitch, wobble and flail around freely and a lot of their attacking animations start almost identical to their idle animations so it can be extremely difficult to tell if the guy you're going to attack is about to punch you, spit a fireball, turn into an icy tornado or just do nothing for another thirty seconds.

Even map design in Kingdom Hearts is unexpectedly strange. I remember loving the worlds when I played the game as a kid, but playing it now, well. Half the worlds are ridiculously short, lasting maybe three or four screens total with very little to do beyond listening to iconic characters talk for ten minutes or so. You could clear half the game in an evening. However some of the stages, the worlds based on Tarzan and Little Mermaid in particular, tend to be almost too expansive in comparison with very little content spread out over far more screens. I don't mean to say the game's story is bad, and that's still something I think would deserve its own write-up, but the way the game presents it is just incredibly awkward and stilted. You play through a few minutes of a disney-inspired zone then a Kingdom Hearts original character pops up, rants about friendship, hearts and/or darkness and goes away.

In the end of it all, I came away hating Kingdom Hearts, honestly. I loved it when I was younger. I completed it 100% somehow. But now, well it all just seems like overly pointless busywork. The combat isn't fun to me now and I really don't want to subject myself to a few hours of grinding so I can make the gear that makes me earn more EXP so I can grind for more hours to hit the high levels and unlock the skills needed to grind for the items to create the best weapons in the game so I can fight the optional bosses. Adding time sinks like that just aren't engaging.

Kingdom Hearts 2 does very little to fix these issues. In some cases it even exacerbates them. It came out in 2005, and while it's an incredibly unfair comparison; Devil May Cry 3 came out earlier that same year. Devil May Cry this series still is not. Combat generally -feels- less clunky than in the first game, but that's not necessarily a good thing. Rather than having stiff and slow attack animations Kingdom Hearts 2 favors long and elaborate ones. It's not uncommon for your characters to launch into massive spinning attacks at one or two presses of a button, it feels like you have almost no control over them at all in this game. Guard makes a return, but the animation is an awkward side-spin that makes timing it more difficult than anything else and dodge roll is gone now as are counter attacks. Instead you have action commands! A cool idea marred by lack of forethought. You see, when enemies do certain attacks or are stunned you can do a special highly damaging skill! Or sometimes they have to be in a specific mid-attack animation. Or sometimes they have to successfully attack you so you can do the counter-command. It's kind of random and not every enemy has action commands and generally speaking they're less useful and in terms of sheer gameplay less engaging than an actual counter system because it just boils fights town to mashing attack and waiting for the triangle button to light up.

Enemy design has actually gotten worse in my opinion. Enemies still love their invincibility, but there's a new fun trick to the overall design of bosses and enemies in Kindom Hearts 2! Stunlock. Nearly every enemy in the game has a whirlwind-style attack they'll just spam to happily stun you for several seconds and do a lot of damage. A lot of them directly home in on you, and follow you around. Without any kind of dodge roll and a flimsy hard to use block, these attacks are incredibly frustrating to fight against because they all take a very long time to play out and do a ton of damage compared to you tiny health pool. Animations are better in this game at least, and you can usually tell what enemies are going to do right away, it just doesn't help too much when almost every attack in the game is either “turn invincible and charge at you” or “turn into an invincible whirlwind and follow you around the room”. It makes every enemy other enemy feel the same. Unfortunately, the more unique enemies that don't do this stuff are the ones you almost only ever see in one world and never anywhere else.

Speaking of the worlds; level design is better. Most worlds will have their own gimmick now rather than just being a series of three to six rooms. The gimmicks tend to range from things like simply having to keep a gauge full for a while, to every area being a rhythm mini-game but it adds some interest to the over all flavor of the game-world. The plot also is much better integrated with the game play and level design, it's not uncommon to run into the primary antagonists and have fights with them throughout the game and see what their plans actually are as you progress through the story. A far better cry than just having your BFF turn evil, then have the antagonist show up out of nowhere because the game needs a conclusion.

The grinding is less bad in the second game as well. Though levels tend to be less rewarding -by level 20 I still only had 40 HP and even basic enemies were taking off half of it with a single hit- you're given a large number of ways to circumvent situations where you might be under levelled such as drive forms and magic. Speaking of which; magic kind of blows in KH2 because someone decided to make most of them melee-ranged for some reason. Your MP, however, is technically infinite since it regenerates slowly when emptied now. Cure uses all of your MP though which is unfortunate.

Finally, and on a positive note, the game's general visual design still holds up. It uses a lot of flat, smooth colors and round shapes which is distinct in a world of jagged edges and gritty shades. Some of the designs in the game, and series as a whole, even get  incredibly and uniquely abstract which is amazing to see and I love it when the game actually extends its art design as far as it can. The final areas of the first game are still, personally, the highlight of the series on a visual level. While I was playing I had a friend come by and before I paused the game they saw the screen and instantly said “Oh, hey! Is that Kingdom Hearts? I thought that was a PS2 game?” The whole area of Hollow Bastion just has such a distinct look and feel to it, the enemies are so memorable on a visual level and the music in particular is excellent. It's the perfect encapsulation of what Kingdom Hearts can be -surprisingly dark and bleak but still bright and smooth-.  and I just wish the gameplay lived up to the nostalgia of my memories. I'll always still like this series somewhere inside, and I'm still going to inevitably play the third one whenever it comes out. But revisiting this series has been a real eye-opener for me.