#and so i brought this up w my psych last time i saw her and shes setting me on lexapro

[parkerflix]

—angel

chad meeks-martin x gn!reader (mentions of ethan landry x reader but don’t be fooled)

genre: angst angst angst w a little fluff

warnings: mentions of ghostface from scream 5, no scream 6 spoilers, mentions of alcohol

wc: 3.5k (i’m so sorry in advance)

synopsis: you were chad’s angel forever. but what if forever wasn’t as long as you both thought?

a/n: here’s this fic ): it was a monster to write i normally don’t write this much but ahhh yeah </3 not proofread

i.

you had known chad all your life. having mothers that were best friends came with your own built in friends in the twins. mindy was always the one who seemed to be hot & cold with you (you assumed it had to do with the incident in 7th grade— it wasn’t your fault). chad on the other hand, took to you very quickly and ended up always being around you. in the blink of an eye you were attached at the hip, where one went, the other would follow.

it stayed this way all throughout high school, his on & off relationship with liv never affecting your friendship. you know that liv had thought it was a little strange that you were so close, but once wes had shown interest in you, she quickly seemed to accept it.

after the incident last year in woodsboro, chad had decided to stay by your side even more. you had both lost your partners, and had barely survived what amber & richie put everyone through. the first few months were the hardest, nightmares of wes’ death haunting you, knowing you were too late to save him or his mom. your parents were reluctant to have you move so far away for college, only feeling a small sense of relief knowing everyone was going to the same place.

time went by, and you and chad seemingly had your normal friendship. but everyone around you couldn’t help but notice there was a shift, in both of your demeanors. you both seemed to be more intimate, soft touches & lingering glances noticed by everyone. you hadn’t given it much thought, it was chad, the same guy you had seen accidentally swallow a fly while camping when you were 10. he was your best friend, the person who probably knew you best (although mindy would argue she knew you better-) and that knew your deepest secrets and fears.

mindy had brought it up one night, before the big halloween party at the frat house.

“so what are you and my lovely brother going as?”

you looked back at her, two costumes in your hands.

“we aren’t going as anything specific, i don’t even know what he’s wearing.”

mindy rolled her eyes, perching herself on your bed.

“there’s no way you guys aren’t doing a couples costume.”

“we aren’t! i just can’t decide if i want to go as a grim or as maybe a cowboy?”

“who the fuck is grim-“

you held up the robe that you had tailored ( used fabric tape) to make it where you went tripping on the robe all night.

“from the grim adventures of billy and mandy? the cartoon?”

mindy gave a displeased look and you put one of the costumes back.

“okay i think i’m going with this.”

ii.

you had been at the party for less than 30 minutes and had already downed a few drinks, completely forgetting that you promised chad to pace yourself tonight.

mindy and annika were sitting next to you, talking about something that you didn’t really bother to pay attention to. you saw tara stumbling her way to the kitchen, talking to some girls that you had seen in your psych class. sipping the drink in your cup (what were you drinking?), you gazed

around the room, feeling bored and alone. suddenly a hand landed on your shoulder, making you jump slightly.

mindy and annika looked at you, both rolling their eyes at the culprit. you turned your head to see chad there, in his costume.

his cowboy hat was poorly positioned on his head, and it was hard to not notice his lack of a shirt. he smirked seeing you take his outfit all in. moving from behind the couch to infront of you, he did a quick twirl for you, making you giggle at his curtesy.

“you like what you see?”

you shook your head, the hood from your robe falling off your head.

“definitely not.”

“you wound me angel.”

you scoffed, and got off the couch, weaving your arm in his. chad kissed your hand before leading you to the kitchen, ready to grab another drink.

“where were you?”

“i was busy dragging ethan out of the dorm, he decided to make his costume and he was struggling with it last minute.”

you inwardly cringed at the mention of ethan.

ethan landry was chad’s roommate & friend who had a not so secret attraction to you. you thought he was sweet, and you assumed he took a liking to you because unlike everyone else in your friend group you showed him more kindness. you didn’t see him like that, although he never seemed to make a move so you didn’t worry about him too much.

“is that so?”

chad hummed, pouring two drinks, and topping yours off.

“you know, he looks really good tonight. i bet he’d like to hear you compliment him.”

“chad…”

“listen, i just want my two friends happy with each other! you both look so cute and would have the cutest babies.”

“ew chad, gross!”

“i’m just saying!”

you shook your head, groaning when he took your hand and started dragging you away to a quieter part of the house. you tried to ignore the butterflies that you had in your stomach, also ignoring the way your hands fit together perfectly.

ethan had been standing in the corner, eyes wide and looking extremely uncomfortable in his outfit. he was dressed as a knight, and made out of cardboard.

chad had pushed you towards him, making you stumble over your feet. ethan’s eyes widen and he stuck an arm out for you to grab, which you did.

“whoops sorry angel.”

you could hear chad’s shit eating grin in his voice and deciding to ignore him. you quickly took your hands off ethan’s arm, thanking him for the stability.

“nice outfit, who are you dressed as?”

“well i had a few outfits in mind including one that would’ve matched with chad-“

you let out a soft laugh, feeling chad’s arm come around your shoulders.

“but i ended up going with grim from the grim adventures billy and mandy.”

ethan hummed, seemingly deep in thought for a moment.

“that’s that one cartoon network show right?”

“oh my god yes!” your eyes lit up passing your cup to chad’s empty hand.

ethan laughed, seeing how excited you got over someone knowing the show.

“it used to be my favorite growing up.”

“no way! i watched it all the time as a kid, i was devastated when they stopped running honestly i don’t know why they stopped!”

the rest of the night had gone by in a flash, chad still by your side while you and ethan had talked about the shows you watched as a kid and your favorite episodes. you felt like you knew ethan better, and you were somewhat glad that chad had brought you over.

chad on the other hand, seemed quieter than usual, his arm always either being over your shoulder or around your waist. he sipped his drink slowly, just taking in the party environment and enjoying the warmth of your body next to his.

ethan had started to talk about another topic, when you let a yawn out, and caught chad’s attention.

“are you ready to go angel?”

you shook your head, obviously fighting (and losing) to your exhaustion. chad removed himself from you, saying he was letting mindy know that he was taking you back to your place.

you said your goodbyes to ethan, and waited in the front yard, waiting for chad to make his way back to take you home.

a few minutes had gone by, and there was no sign of him. there were a few stray people here & there, but they all seemed to be in their own worlds.

you pulled out your phone from your shorts, shooting him a text. a couple of minutes went by again, and right as you were about to go inside the house again, you saw ethan making his way towards you.

“i’m taking you home. uhm, chad got a bit occupied.”

your heart deflated a bit, but u nodded, not wanting it to be so obvious.

“yeah okay, sounds good. let’s go landry.”

the walk with ethan was peaceful, a simple conversation flowing between the two of you. you were tempted to ask about chad, but bit your tongue on the topic. soon, the two of you were outside your door both unsure of what to do.

“so…”

“yeah…”

ethan’s ears were slowly reddening, his gaze averted and looking anywhere but your face.

you let out a small laugh and shook your head.

“thanks for walking me back ethan. it means a lot.”

“oh it’s not a problem, i know you were supposed to walk with chad, but i’m just glad you made it home safe.”

“well either way, thank you. i’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” you quickly opened your door, taking a step inside your place before turning back and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“goodnight ethan.”

you scurried into your apartment, closing the door on the stunned boy on your doorstep.

iii.

you didn’t see chad until a few days later, in the library between classes. you were hoping to check out a book for your film class, not hearing him creep up behind you due to your headphones.

reaching up to grab one of the books, you felt 2 fingers poke at each of your sides, causing you to let out a gasp and jump.

you held onto the shelf, turning around and glaring at the culprit.

chad stood there, in a tank sweatshirt with some sweats. he smiled at you, waving his hand,seemingly ignoring the glare you sent his way.

you pulled your headphones down and around your neck, lowering the music playing.

“hi.”

“that’s all i get? i haven’t seen you in days.”

you rolled your eyes at him and lightly jabbed his chest.

“and who’s fault is that? you basically disappeared on me and then had ethan take me home!”

he winced, as if you had actually hurt him and jutted out his bottom lip.

“i’m sorry angel, i am but tara was dealing with this guy who was very obviously trying to take advantage of her and you know i didn’t wanna leave her alone like that-“

you put your hand out, stopping him from the long tangent about to come out of his mouth.

“it’s fine. anyways it made have someone i can talk to about things about things other than tara nice for a change.”

the name rolled off your tongue so sweetly, but you knew there was hidden poison with it, jealousy taking you over.

in all your time being friends with the twins, you always seemed to come second to tara. it’s not like she did it on purpose, she just attracted people towards her. even wes liked her before he had a crush on you, and it always made your heart ache a little.

she was lovely, and one of your closest friends, but you knew and saw the way that chad stared at her so lovingly. it was painfully obvious to you and everyone but them that they were into each other. and who where you to stand in the way of that?

“i promise i’ll make it up to you, how about movie night tonight? my place, we can watch those barbie movies you love so much.” chad wiggled his eyebrows, and you let out a giggle before sighing.

“that sounds great, except…”

“no no, no except you have to. cancel your plans and come hang out with me.” chad grabbed your hand, bringing it to his chest.

“i cant, i promised ethan that i would help his with his homework, a little bit of a trade off, he’s helping me with my psych project.” you said, keeping your voice and eyes down, not wanting chad to see the blush on your face.

you had missed the way a few emotions had flashed through his eyes, his hand releasing yours.

“oh. maybe next time then?”

you looked up at him, seeing him with a soft smile and nodded.

“next time.”

vi.

next time had seemed to be put off by months, both of you drifting farther and farther from the other . most days you spent with mindy & annika or with ethan.

you were grateful for the three of them, them trying to keep chad’s name out of conversation when you were around.

you had tried to make time to hang out with him, but he always seemed busy with sports or school or tara.

you weren’t sure what happened that night of the party, but the two of them were much cozier, everyone immediately noticing at one of the groups’ game nights. they played it off, but everyone could tell by their bright red ears they were lying.

you were happy for him, but it didn’t help the aching in your heart. you had always been told by everyone that you and chad were eventually going to end up together, and that not happening knocked your whole world down.

at this point, you were more concerned about your friendship with him than anything, not even knowing if he still considered you his best friend.

your relationship with ethan had grown since the night of the party, and you were happy he was willingly to take it slow with you.

he had confessed one night during your study session, and took your apology well. he knew you had eyes for chad, and he was willing to help you with it, and just be a friend. he had put your feelings above his, and something just pulled at your heart strings. you both had agreed to take it slow, warning him that you weren’t quite ready but were willing if he helped.

and he was helpful. ethan came to every event you had, studied with you and slowly, traditions you had with chad were replaced with new traditions you had with ethan.

you two were joined at the hip, but also enjoyed your personal space and he understood you. you were grateful for him being so patient with you, and just enjoyed his company.

tonight was a movie night that you and ethan had planned, he had let you know that chad would be out of the room all night. you brought over your mini projector & some snacks, and ethan had ordered your favorite takeout.

a few movies in, you started to get sleepy, and got up to change. you pulled open one of ethan’s drawers, grabbing a shirt and a pair of shorts you had stolen from him for these nights. you quickly got changed, and snuggled back in bed with ethan, laying your head on his chest, his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you flush to his side. you absentmindedly drew shapes on his arm, making looking up at him, the movie being drowned out.

his brown curls were messy, some of them getting close to his eye. you reached up to brush his hair from his face, not even noticing that he had paused the movie and was watching you. you brushed his hair, and let your hand linger, the air between the two of you becoming tense. ethan leaned down and kissed you, your heart swooning when he did. his arm around your waist seems to draw you closer to him, his lips leaving yours for a second before he kisses you again, and you can tell he’s trying to say something to you.

before you can even process what that could be, his front door opens and chad walks in, shocked and a little annoyed it seems.

you both pull away from each other sheepishly, not realizing that chad was coming home tonight.

“oh sorry.” he says, awkwardly tossing his keys onto their counter.

“hey dude, we didn’t think you were gonna be home tonight.” ethan said, his grip on your waist slightly tightening. you stayed quietly watching the two boys interact with each other.

“yeah well, tara and i had an argument so i decided to come home. but i’ll be going now.” he quickly grabbed his keys and opened the door, slamming it when he exited.

you blinked, pressing a chaste kiss to ethan’s lips before sliding your shoes on.

“i’ll be right back.”

v.

you opened the door and peered into the hallway to see chad’s figure turning to corner to the staircase. quickly closing their door, you dashed to catch him on the stairs.

he had made it decently far down the steps, and you ran down the stairs, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket to catch his attention.

he stopped and turned around, shocked to see you standing there, catching your breath.

you held up a finger to him, trying to catch your breath before you started talking. chad took in your appearance, your hair all over the place, and a shirt and shorts that he knew he had seen ethan wear more than once around their room. his heart clenched at the thought of the two of you, not knowing what might have happened if he hadn’t walked in.

you finally caught your breath, standing up and giving chad a look over. he had dark circles, and his knuckles seemed to be turning white from how hard he was squeezing his hands. the two of you stood there, not knowing what to say to each other. you weren’t sure how you had ended up so far away from each other, and it admittedly made you more sad than normal.

“so you and ethan huh?”

you crossed your arms,clearly unimpressed.

“yeah and?”

chad shook his head.

“nothing, i just didn’t think he was your type.”

you scoffed at that, not believing him.

“you know it’s shocking to hear you say that, considering you were the one who pushed us together.”

“i never did that.”

“oh come on chad. you always mentioned it before and you always said you were his wingman.”

“yeah that’s because i didn’t think you were going to actually go out with him. he’s not right for you.”

you narrowed your eyes at him, trying to figure out what he meant by that.

“and what do you mean by that?”

“what i just said. he’s not right for you.”

“oh yeah? then who is?”

“me.”

you laughed when he said that, so loudly that it reverberated off the staircase walls.

“since when?���

chad ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“since forever. angel— i’ve always loved you.”

you stared at him stunned, not knowing what to say. months ago, you would have swooned at the mere thought of him saying something like that. but now, you felt anxiety and melancholy, wrapped together.

“don’t say things like that.”

“it’s the truth.”

“you’re lying.”

“i’m not angel—“

“don’t call me that.”

“but angel—“

“i said don’t call me. that.”

a beat passed, both of you quiet before your brain completely processed it and you started talking.

“ i cant even believe you right now, how could you just tell me this just now? you’re with tara, you have been, she’s been the person you love.”

chad sighed, taking a seat on the step.

“she broke up with me.”

“oh.”

“she said that she could tell i wasn’t as into her as she was into me and she was cool about it. i think she knew i have a thing for you.”

you sat down next to chad, your knees touching each other.

“why would you tell me this now?”

“i just always assumed, that we would always have a chance. i mean how many times have you gotten a partner and it doesn’t work out for one reason or another? and then i’m the only one there. each time.”

“but chad— you knew that ethan liked me, you told me to pursue him, you were the one with the heart eyes at tara.”

he shook his head.

“it was always you. it still is.”

you sighed and lifted his chin, keeping him eye level with you.

“if you had told me this months ago…”

“i would’ve had a chance right?”

“you would’ve been my only one.”

“am i too late? i’ll apologize to ethan, tell him that i was the idiot, that you said yes, you were just confused.”

you took his hand in yours, bringing it to your forehead.

“chad i-“

“don’t.” his voice quivered, and you looked to see his eyes filled with tears.

“i’m so sorry angel.”

he leaned against your arm, his tears soaking the sleeve of your shirt.

“i’m so sorry chad.”

he sniffled, eyes bloodshot meeting yours.

“in another life time do you think we would’ve made it?”

you kissed his hand, letting your stray tears fall as well.

“i think so.”

you both sat in the hall, hearts broken by the choices made and the lingering of what if around you both.

[mittenlady]

Hi. I am bored and also wanting to bother you specifically. Which theory is better? Athena Cykes being a robot (evidence being widget, how did she never get hurt/see blood, Métis “studying” just being working with her code, autism) or her dad being the Phantom (this evidence is more Métis based like how would the psychological profile work without a match, why didn’t she just kill him, why doesn’t Athena see Bobby as weird, Athena gets double autism genes) Both work well in any context. I like Phantomdad cause Athena and Apollo can bond over terroristic fathers <3

omg me specifically… such an honor… ok lemme think this thru (this is a long one)

robothena:

• actually how does widget connect to her emotions… bc there is a way to judge how someone’s feeling based on bodily signs like pulse, temp., etc., but even at that a lot of emotions have very similar bodily reactions and part of determining how u feel is like… from the mind. if i remember my AP psych 5 correctly 😎 but also even at that widget wouldn’t logically have access to her thoughts that does not make sense unless metis like… chipped her??? or something????? which is still impossible

• i think if she’s sheltered enough then at 11 when she saw metis die, she might not have recognized it? but i feel it’s very implausible that she as a child would be so that intensely cautious + NEVER get into an accident + absolutely always be supervised enough to never get hurt. it is odd that her perspective would be that warped so that she’s unable to recognize it but idk. if she has no frame of reference is it human instinct to recognize blood… (i will not do further research at this time i am lazy)

• last two points u bring up i don’t think it’s mentioned what metis does specifically so no comment also elaborate on what you mean by the autism point because athena is giving neurodivergent but like what do you mean in context of that being evidence 😭

• she does seem to enjoy orange juice and little girl treats tho so how would that work… robots don’t really need to eat…

• also based on the navigation companions (ponco and clonco; only reason i know the proper term is for CAYA) why would her machinery be so more advanced than theirs? if aura and metis r capable of creating something so lifelike then why are ponco and clonco, made after her (i think) so far behind?

phantom dad ??:

• metis likely wouldn’t have a match for the phantom’s identity but it was simon who brought her the audio recording of the phantom’s voice i believe so that’s how she composed the psych profile knowing that. 95% sure because i had to look this up for CAYA

• tbf the phantom was wearing a jacket, but also yeah she likely could have done something in self-defense… but if they used the sword on her it’s likely any attempts @ self-defense wouldn’t have gone well regardless. there’s not really enough information in the game i don’t think to say whether or not there was an attempt or not

• bobby was able to fuck w his emotions in game and put on the appearance of emotions, if i remember correctly that was an aspect during the cross-examination/mood matrix part during it, so that’s likely why she didn’t find it off. and if she did, the game didn’t think to actually foreshadow anything by having her mention it either in passing or in her own narration during turnabout academy

i think athena and apollo both having terrorist fathers would be funny tho lol

but based on my minimal research as i consider this, the robothena one seems more plausible as it does better explain some of the illogical parts of the game. ofc it’s in the “future” but literally this made me realize that widget doesn’t make much sense with his ability to literally know what she’s thinking. like unless there’s some wack-ass science shit the writers just didn’t think necessary to share like… what is going on with that

[myownprivatcidaho]

oughhh . uhm

[hotch-stufff]

hiii 47 and 7 for angst hotch

i love ur writing btw <3

Drunk

gif by hoe-tchner

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warnings!: mentions of abuse, stalking, and death, past abusive relationships, normal criminal minds things, angst, crying, pining, but a fluffy ending

Promtps: Angst #7 "Are you drunk?", Angst #47 "You flinched"

Author's Note: Thank you so much <3, hope you enjoy reading!!

---------------

In hindsight, it probably wasn’ the best idea to get drunk at a bar. Especially alone. But you weren’t exactly thinking straight when you had stepped off the jet after a long case. And it had been a LONG case. Nearly a week of going through the same evidence over and over again scouring for a lead. Finally finding a lead, and coming to a dead end. 

The eventual lead that you did catch, led to the unsub already standing over her next victim’s body. At least you got a full confession. But you had been the one that had found the unsub. If that wasn’t enough, this case had already been hitting way too close to home. 

A woman was murdering victims of domestic abuse to “save them” because her mom was never “saved” from her father’s abuse. She had grown up watching it. Her victims had all had y/h/c hair, with y/e/c eyes. The same height as you, same style, just overall very similar. The only difference the team saw had been that you were never abused. At least that was what your file had said.

You had been able to keep it on the low for as long as you had been at the BAU. But you were terrified one of them would figure it out. That you would flinch at the wrong time, or you would do something to give it away.

You had gotten lucky and no one seemed suspicious. You ended up hiding in the back of the jet, curled up. No one bothered you. They all assumed that the case had just hit you harder. The one thing you hadn’t known though was that Hotch had been keeping a very close eye on you.

You two had become close, and would often hang out at each other's apartments. Spending tjme just talking about nothing and everything for hours. He had quickly become one of your best friends. You always went to him when you were upset.

But tonight, you just needed to get away.

Which is how you found yourself in this bar, downing your fifth drink. In the back of your mind, you knew that you wouldn't be able to drive home, or even walk without tripping over your own feet. You needed to call someone, and your drunk self called Hotch. While the phone rang you checked the time. 3 am. He was going to kill you.

“Hotchner.” You giggled drunkenly at his formal response.

“Why so serious bossman?” He recognized your voice immediately. 

“Y/n? Are you okay?” 

“M’great. Havin a blast.” You slurred.

“Are you drunk?” He asked and you giggled again.

“Mayyybe.” You slurred, concerning Hotch even more.

"Where are you?”

“Mabel's I think. But let me tell you. I think you need to come get me because there is no way m’drivin home.” He huffed as you heard noise coming from the phone.

“I'm on my way, stay there!” But you hung up. You were so excited to see him. Truth was you had definitely developed a crush for the man. Telling him that was going to be difficult, mainly because of your past, but also because he was your boss, and about 12 years older than you.

You waited for about 10 minutes before you heard the door ring as it opened and Hotch ran inside, frantically searching around. He found you and was quickly at your side.

“Y/n, are you okay?” You nodded sleepily. You always did get sleepy after your sixth drink. He gave you a concerned glance before reaching for your arm. You flinched slightly, but Hotch didn’t say anything about it. He picked you up because there was no way that you could walk, and carried you out to his car. 

“You’re staying with me tonight.” He had said once on the road. You lazily watched  out the window as buildings went by. 

“M’kay.” You mumbled. Hotch sent you another concerned glance. Something was wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out what. Usually when a case hit you hard, you would spend the night talking with him. He had been surprised when you hadn't shown up at his apartment. Even more shocked when you had called him drunk. He cared about you and it hurt him to see you like this.

Soon he found himself pulling into his driveway. He parked and quickly ran to your side of the car to help you out. He opened your door, and reached his hand over to unbuckle you when suddenly you shifted back. Your arms came up as if to block a blow and a whimper escaped your lips. 

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I promise!” You let out, sounding much more sober now. Hotch stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. 

“Y/n, it’s me, can you hear me, its Aaron?” You moved your arms from your face, peeking out wide eyed. You pulled your arms the rest of the way down. 

“Sorry Hotch. That was just, um, that w-was-” But he cut you off.

“You flinched.” He paused looking at the tears in your eyes, realizing that he needed to get you inside before you broke down in the car. “C’mon, let's go inside.” You bowed your head and nodded. 

“Okay.” You said softly. He helped you out of his car slowly, and walked you up to his apartment. Once there, you plopped on his couch, sobering up for the conversation you knew was going to happen. He walked in the room, a glass of water in hand. He handed it to you, sitting next to you. he waited a few moments before beginning the inevitable conversation.

“Y/n, why did you flinch?” He asked hesitantly. He didn't want to push you, but he was concerned and he wanted to know. So you told him. Every detail, every heartbreaking moment. The bruises, the scars, the hospital trips. Everything. The reports, the disbelief, the arrest, the divorce. Then the even worse parts. The escape, the stalking, the attack, the death. Every little thing. You could feel the tears falling down your face as you spoke about your ex-husband. 

Hotch sat as he watched the beautiful woman sitting in front of him break down. He didn't know any of this, none of it was in your file. He knew that Strauss had to know though, because you never would have been accepted without background checks and psych evals. 

His heart broke a little more every time you shared another detail. On one side it felt so nice to get it off your chest. On the other hand, it was weird opening up to Hotch like this. He was seeing so much more of you than you had ever allowed anyone since your husband. He sat in silence once you finished speaking. 

“Y/n. I'm so sorry. You never should have had to go through that.” And the tears came even faster, until they were silent sobs. Hotch, well he was more Aaron in that moment, brought you into his arms holding you tight, bringing you a comfort you hadn’t felt in a long time. “Shh, shh. It’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay to cry.”He silently whispered into your hair. You looked up at him then, sighing softly at the beautiful man before you. 

“Thank you Aaron.” He loved the way his name sounded coming from your lips. But before he could tell you, he looked down to find you asleep in his arms. And that's how he stayed until morning. 

                       * * *

The next morning you awoke to a strange bed, with strange sheets, in a strange room. But one sniff and all you could smell was Hotch’s cologne. You soon recognized that there was a warm body behind your own, an arm wrapped around your middle. 

You almost didn't remember what happened last night, but once you did, you began to panic. What if he hated you? What if he was disgusted by you? He probably had just pitied you.  

He must have felt you shift, because he was waking up. His arm tightened around you, and he leaned up looking you in the eyes. He saw your panic and was alert rather quickly for someone who had just woken up. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, eyes scanning you frantically. 

“You must be disgusted with me.” You paused taking a deep breath. “I'm sorry Hotch. I ruined your night and then cried all over you with my pathetic life story. And you probably just pitied me. I'm sorry.” He shook his head. 

“Y/n, look at me.” You looked into his eyes. “I am and never will be disgusted by you. I am amazed by you. You are so strong and beautiful and you never deserved a thing that disgusting man did to you. I don’t pity you, not at all. All of this has just made me fall more in love with you than I already was.” You looked at him wide eyed.

“You love me?” He leaned a little closer.

“Of course I do. It's impossible not to.” You dared closer still as he moved a piece of hair from your face. The loving gesture warming your heart. 

“Thank you. For everything. I love you too Aaron.” And he sealed your lips. It was intimate and explosive at the same time. And in the most cliche way, fireworks exploded as you kissed him. 

You moved together passionately. Your noses bumped ever so slightly as he kissed you deeper than you had ever been kissed. He was an amazing kisser, to say the least. He broke away a moment later, smiling down at you. 

“Give me a chance to show you what real love is, what it's supposed to be.” You nodded.

“Of course Aaron.” And you kissed him again, sliding your hands around his neck into his hair. It was the happiest you had been in a very long time. 

So in hindsight, maybe getting drunk wasn’t such a bad idea after all. 

---------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If i don't get to yours, I'm sorry!! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[janetbrown711]

"If I die, I'm never speaking to you again" - Wakko

Yakko had never considered himself the lucky type, which was hard to refute looking back at his past, but ever since Dot got sick, every time she lasted the night felt like a miracle. 

Scratchnsniff had been ultimately been right, staying there for three days did a lot to revive Dot’s spirits, though it was still clear she was still sick. It was just... better now. She wasn’t sweating and shivering uncontrollably anymore. 

The list of foods the doctor gave him wasn’t totally unreasonable, they were affordable and were often in the market. However, Dot had a tendency to be a picky eater, and since taste and healthiness often didn’t correlate, Yakko often had to trick or force her to eat. It was frustrating, but there was no way in hell Yakko was going to let her get away without eating, no matter how much she pleaded. She was losing weight at a frightening pace, she needed to eat. He didn’t care what she wanted. He’d do anything to keep her alive. 

And Wakko... poor kid. Wakko seemed just as- if not more- worried about Dot than Yakko was. He spent every day working as hard as he could for money, but the results were starting to get worse. The taxing on Acme Falls increased, and soon the menial tasks Wakko had been doing disappeared, as shop keepers simply couldn’t afford to lose a single ha’penny. Because of that, the amount of food they could buy was becoming scarce, so now they only had stale bread and vegetables for Dot. Everything Yakko and Wakko ate was hunted. However, the lack of business never stopped him from going into town and trying though. Yakko was pretty sure nothing could ever stop that kid from at least trying.

Still, it left Dot feeling awfully lonely. She missed her brother a lot, and was always happier when he came home. Hell, even he was happier when he was home. Goodness knows taking care of a sickly younger sister who would be running around and playing with her dolls one day and then unable to move for pain and coughing the next was damaging to one’s psyche. Wakko was a welcome relief and distraction for the both of them. 

“Whatcha thinking about Yakko?” Dot asked as she took a nibble from a piece of her stale bread. Yakko snapped out of his thoughts and noticed both of his siblings had been staring at him, probably for a while. 

“The usual,” Yakko shrugged and took a bite of his rabbit meat.

“Sorry,” Dot whispered. Yakko froze. 

“Dot, stop that. This isn’t your fault,” Yakko shot her a look. They had had this conversation roughly a million times, but no matter what he said it was never convincing enough. Dot didn’t argue this time, and just nodded her head. Yakko sighed, suddenly not hungry. He handed it to Dot. 

“Eat this too, you need your strength,” He said, standing up. 

“But Yakko-”

“No ‘buts’ Dot. Eat it.” He looked her in the eyes. “I’m going outside for a moment. When I come back in I expect all of it to be gone.”

Dot didn’t argue, thankfully. Satisfied, Yakko went outside of the small abandoned flower shop and sat down on a bench, feeling the cool air of the early mid-winter night. 

It had been two very long months since Dot had first gotten sick, and Yakko hadn’t stopped worrying since. After all, the last time he tried to relax Dot ended up sick. To say he felt guilty was a bit of an understatement. Every time she got worse, he basically spiraled into a ball of worry and never left her side, not even to take care of himself, something he also knew was bad, but he didn’t know how to stop.

Moments like these, where he was able to step outside and just... sit for a moment was nice. It was relaxing (if his mind didn’t wander and spiral, as it just had. If Yakko could have anything in the world, it would be an off switch for his brain). 

“Yakko..?” Wakko surprised his brother when he popped his head through the door. 

“Yes? Is everything okay?” Yakko said, glancing at the boarded-up window.

“Dot’s fine,” Wakko said, and Yakko relaxed again. “I just... need to talk to you.”

That part surprised Yakko. He gestured for his little brother to sit next to him, and he did. 

“Yakko, you know how there hasn’t been any work here for the last week?” Wakko said. Yakko bit his lip, how could he not? He nodded. 

“W-well, I heard rumors from the baker that a few towns over there were blacksmiths in need of apprentices and other jobs and I was thinking-”

“No.” Yakko shut him down. 

“Yakko, you didn’t let me finish,” Wakko frowned. 

“No. You aren’t leaving Acme Falls Wakko,” Yakko crossed his arms. 

“Why? I could earn more money out there than I can here,” He argued. 

“You’re barely nine years old. You can’t travel by yourself,” Yakko fought back. 

“Can too,” Wakko huffed. “You were eight when mum and dad died. You traveled alone.” 

“That is an entirely different situation Wakko and you know that,” Yakko shot him a look. 

Wakko didn’t back down, asking, “How?” 

Yakko thought hard about that. 

“Because Mom told me I had to. I’m not telling you you need to go, so you won’t,” Yakko said. 

“Yakko, stop being stubborn,” Wakko groaned and pulled at his ears. 

“You know we need the money.”

“The jobs won’t be easy- you know that, right? They’ll be borderline exploitative,” Yakko pointed out. Wakko rolled his eyes. 

“I know that, but if I go away for a year then you can really save on food and-”

“Hold up- a year???” Yakko stopped him again. Wakko looked away. 

“I-i mean... I’d try to come home earlier, but... a year most likely.”

“Wakko, we don’t know if Dot- if... if Dot has a year,” Yakko said, the words feeling like a stab in the chest to admit. Wakko’s ears lowered. 

“I know... I just- If I stay you’re gonna run out of money for Dot’s food a-and I can’t be the reason you end up not eating because money is tight,” Wakko couldn’t look at his older brother as he said that. Yakko paused, unable to speak. 

Sometimes he really hated how observant his little brother was.

“Wakko... you can’t...” Yakko tried to argue more, but something deep within himself told him that Wakko was right. 

“I’ll send any money I earn in the mail so you can keep buying Dot her medicines and stuff, maybe even get her new clothes and blankets,” Wakko explained. “I bet she’d really appreciate that.”

“She’d miss you a lot Wak...” Yakko said. Wakko sighed. 

“Yeah... I know. I really want to be here for her if something happens but I don’t know what other options are out there. I’ve thought about this a lot, it’s what I have to do,” He replied.  

“That’s evident,” Yakko ran his hands through his fur and sighed. 

“I guess... I guess you’re right, Wak,” Yakko admitted. 

“You mean you’ll let me go?” Wakko sat up. Yakko nodded and Wakko hugged him in a bone-crushing embrace. 

“Thank you thank you thank you Yakko! I won’t let you down!” Wakko smiled up at his brother. 

“Thanks for what? What’s going on?” 

The brothers froze when they saw their little sister standing in the doorway. 

“Dot- I-”

“Are you going away?” Dot asked, clutching her rag doll tightly. 

“Now Dot, Wakko and I were discussing it and-”

“You’re letting him?!” Dot’s eyes were now filled with tears. Yakko sucked in a breath, biting his words. 

“Dot-”

“No! You can’t go Wakko! I won’t let you!” Dot shouted at him. Neither brother moved. 

“Dot, we need the money-”

“I don’t care about the money Wakko! I care about you! You can’t leave me!” She pleaded with him. 

“Dot, maybe we should go back inside-” Yakko said, noticing the people around beginning to stare. 

“No!!! He can’t leave! I’ll die before he comes back!” Dot sobbed. 

“Dot- don’t say that!” Yakko scolded, trying to ignore the stares.

“NO!!! I won’t! If I die I’ll never speak to Wakko again! He can’t leave! He can’t he can’t he can’t!” She was uncontrollably sobbing now, and Wakko’s head was so low you could hardly see his eyes, but Yakko could see the tears streaming down his cheeks. 

With a determined breath, Yakko picked up his crying sister and brought her inside, Wakko followed close behind. 

“Put me down!!” She kicked and pounded her fists, but she was weak on account of her illness. Yakko set her down once Wakko closed the door. 

“Dot, I need you to calm down and let Wakko explain himself,” Yakko said. 

“Y-you’re sup-supposed to be on m-m-my side,” Dot sniffled and cried. Well, at least she was kind of calming down...

“Dot... Wakko and I just want what’s best for you. We need to be able to buy your medicine and food so you can stay strong and healthy, but right now it’s hard. There isn’t a lot of work in Acme Falls anymore and Wakko thinks there might be more opportunities outside,” Yakko explained calmly, not sure how much Dot could hear over her hiccupping and crying. 

“B-but I want Wakko to s-stay,” She said, a lot quieter this time. 

“I want to stay too Dot,” Wakko joined in. “But you need medicine and food, and for that we need money, and I can’t get the money we need here.”

Dot looked at the ground, trying to stop her crying.

“I might die and never see you again...” Dot gave in and cried again. Wakko didn’t hesitate and quickly hugged her. 

“I know... that’s what scares me...” He said. 

“So d-don’t go,” Dot looked up at him. 

Wakko sighed. “I can’t. I have to go. You’ll die a lot faster if I don’t.”

Yakko grimaced. Whether or not it was the truth, Yakko didn’t like to think about how soon Dot could easily... you know...

Dot sniffled and wiped away her tears. “I-i dunno...”

“Dot, please,” Wakko pleaded with her, before getting an idea. 

“I’ll write you letters whenever I can. We’ll keep in touch, it’ll be like I never left!” Wakko smiled, glancing at Yakko. He nodded in approval. 

Dot then glanced at Yakko. Yakko gave a similar look back, one that suggested “hey, I’m not the one in charge here, it’s whatever you wanna do”, if it translated correctly. 

“I-i’ll miss you a lot...” Dot kicked the floor. “B-but if you have to...”

Wakko smiled and hugged her again. “I knew you’d understand. You’re the best little sister ever!”

Dot smiled weakly. “I know.”

Yakko smiled too, glad she still had her sass despite everything. 

And so it was decided. Wakko was to leave the following week, spending as much time as possible with Dot- who was doing her best to try and act like she wasn’t feeling terrible and sick. But Dot never got past Yakko, and he made sure to give her more food than normal that week. 

Eventually, though, it was time for him to go, and it seemed the whole town showed up to say goodbye. At first, Yakko had been surprised at the turnout, but realized that Wakko had basically worked for all of them at one point or another. 

Yakko and Dot waited patiently for their brother to talk and say his goodbyes to everyone- even the mime, who Wakko (and most everyone else) hated. Once he was done however, the train had already pulled up, meaning their goodbyes were going to have to be quick. 

“I’m gonna miss you Wakko,” Dot said, giving him the best hug she could muster. Wakko hugged back. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, but don’t forget, I’ll write a letter as soon as I can,” He smiled. 

“You better,” Dot punched his arm. “Or else I’ll be mad.”

Wakko laughed. “Okay, okay. I got it. I’ll write, or else.”

Satisfied, Dot sat back down and it was now Yakko’s turn.

“So... you’re really going, huh?” Yakko scratched the back of his neck. 

“Yep,” Wakko said, bouncing on his heels. He knew it was getting close.

“Just-... don’t do anything stupid. And if anything happens, don’t be afraid to come home,” Yakko said. 

“I know, I know,” Wakko chuckled. They had had many conversations with that point sneaked into it several times in the past week. 

“I know you know, I’m just nervous. Mom always said to never split up,” Yakko sighed. 

“You’re a worry-wart Yakko. You need to relax, you’ll never be able to take care of Dot if you worry yourself sick,” Wakko pointed out. Yet again, Wakko flexed his amazingly strong observation skills. 

“I’ll try my best to keep that in mind,” Yakko said, and he meant it. 

“Just don’t forget to write- or else I’ll have to come find you and knock the senses back into you.” 

Wakko laughed. “I’ll write, I promise.”

Just then, the train’s whistle blew and the conductor made the last call. Wakko winced. 

“I’ll be back as soon as possible, I promise. I’ll send whatever money I can every two weeks,” Wakko said, before giving his brother a quick hug and dashing onto the train.  He then stuck his head through a window and while the train started to chug along, he waved goodbye to Acme Falls and headed off to hopefully greener pastures. 

Dot and Yakko stayed at the station waving goodbye, even after the others had left and the train was long gone. There was a void now where Wakko’s presence had once been and the two felt it strongly. 

Eventually, Dot began to cry and Yakko had to carry her back to the flower shop so she could get some rest and conserve her strength. 

He was going to have to do that a lot if they were both supposed to make it through the year. But they could do it, Dot was strong, and Yakko could make an effort not to stress himself to death. 

They were Warners. They were fighters, and none of them were going to be giving up for quite some time. 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

[backtothestart02]

Breaking Point - 1/1(?) | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Based off the twitter reaction to Barry time-traveling w/o telling Iris ahead of time in 7x16. This fic is Iris’ reaction once he tells her, and it’s maybe a bit extreme? You’ll have to decide for yourself. I was feelings angsty when I wrote it and when I initially thought it up, so there’s that. If there’s a demand for more of this fic, I’ll gladly write more, but if not, the ending is open to interpretation what could happen next. Oh! And Iris is not blipping in and out of timelines and Godspeed clones didn’t prevent Barry from making it to the future. Enjoy! =P

...

Synopsis:  7x16 - Canon Divergent - Time-Travel has its consequences.

...

When Barry returned from 2049, he was brimming with energy. Lightning was still crackling all around him when he came to a stop back in STAR Labs. Chester and Caitlin looked at him, intrigued. When he didn’t say anything, only grinned, Chester couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

“Well, how is everything? Did it all go okay?”

He rocked back and forth from his toes to his heels, Barry’s enthusiasm contagious.

“Yeah,” Caitlin added, also curious but more amused than anything by the two of them. “We thought for a second that something went wrong, because-”

“No, no, nothing went wrong. Everything is great!” Barry sighed contently.

Caitlin laughed and shared a look with Chester.

“So, you found Nora,” she concluded.

“Not just Nora.”

“Oh?”

But just as he was about to spill the beans, it occurred to Barry that maybe future details should be kept where they belonged. In the future.

Except with Iris. He could tell her. In fact, right now there was nothing more that he wanted to do was tend to her and assure her Nora was all right – and she wasn’t alone.

“Yeah, I gotta go.”

He pushed past the two of them and headed towards the end of the tunnel.

“W-wait, Barry!”

Reluctantly, he stopped.

“What about Godspeed?”

“Yeah,” Chester chimed in. “If it’s bad here, it must be really bad in 2049 where he’s from.”

“Oh.” Barry forced himself to sober up. “Yeah, it is. What I mean to say is…Nora, she’s…she’s got thing’s handled, working hard.” He started smiling again. “And she has help!” Chester and Caitlin’s intrigued looks told him he had to sputter some nonsense fast. “From me! Future me, I mean. I’m still the Flash. In 23 years, I’m still…” He trailed off, daydreaming briefly about the things he’d just seen and experienced.

Sensing more questions from the two individuals in front of him however, he forced himself to snap out of it.

“Well, I gotta go! Text me when the Godspeeds return.”

“Wait, where are y-”

But it was no use. Barry had flashed away. There was no calling out to him with the expectation of him hearing and returning unless, as he’d said, the Godspeed clones returned and he was needed to attempt to defeat them.

“Let him be,” Chester said, brushing whatever questions they’d had aside. “He’s clearly happy. It’s been a while since we’ve seen him like that, what with everything going on. In fact, the last time I saw him that happy was-”

Caitlin studied him as he fell silent and avoided eye contact.

“What? When?” she asked.

“N-Nothing. Nevermind.” He powerwalked out into the hallway. “See you upstairs, Caitlin!”

She eyed his disappearing form with suspicion but decided not to push on that either. After a few more moments of contemplation, she followed the path Chester had taken back to the cortex upstairs.

…

When Barry reached the loft shortly thereafter, he was greeted by darkness and silence. It wasn’t alarming enough to dim his buzz though. He was too excited to talk to Iris. He had to remind himself that she wasn’t feeling well and to lower his voice when he talked to her, as well as maybe bring her something to eat and drink. She hadn’t vomited in a couple days, but she was still feeling under the weather. He had to contain his excitement enough to be a devoted, caring husband tending to her in her sickness.

He could do that, definitely.

As quietly as he could manage, he whipped together some chicken noodle soup and crackers and put them on a tray. Walking as stealthily as he could towards the staircase, he made it step by step without spilling the entrée.

Proud of himself for that, he gently kicked their bedroom door open with his foot.

“Iris, I brought you something.”

When he looked up, he was greeted to the sight of her reading in bed. She attempted a small smile when she saw what he was carrying and set her book to the side.

“Hey, Bear,” she said warmly, albeit with a croak to her voice. “What’s all this?”

His heart sank just a little at the sound of her, but it couldn’t quelch all the enthusiasm he had buried just beneath the surface.

He approached the bed, making sure to keep the tray even.

“The Godspeeds are currently not in Central City, at least in our time, so I thought I’d come home and dote on my wife a little.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.”

She gripped the tray as he set it on her lap.

“And also to tell you that everything with Nora is alright.”

She froze, her hand halfway to the spoon, her other gripping the far side of the tray.

“What do you mean, alright?”

“Well…you know how I had that dream about Nora that made me think…” he trailed off, embarrassed now and not wanting to emotionally wound her like he’d done before.

“Barry,” she said softly.

“Well, I had another one, and it was…Nora was in danger, everything was wrong, I couldn’t breathe…” He shook his head, trying to shake himself of that dream. He had such a wonderful reality to replace it with now, but it was still hard to talk about.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, gently reaching for his hand.

Slowly, he sat on the side of the bed.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he admitted. “Plus, I didn’t know if you’d think I was ridiculous for getting upset by it given the last time I dreamed of Nora…well, it came to mean nothing, didn’t it?” He frowned.

Iris closed her eyes and shook her head.

“A nightmare is a nightmare, Barry. They’re upsetting to anyone whether they mean something or not. Remember when Psych infected the whole city with nightmares? Everyone was frightened, and with good reason.”

He nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“It’s okay.” She offered a small smile. “You’re okay now it looks like.”

“Oh, yeah,” he assured her, his good mood quickly returning. “Better than okay.”

She managed a small, raspy laugh.

“And why is that?” She scooped up some broth on her spoon and blew on it.

“Well, because I went to the fu…ture.”

Belatedly, he realized that she might not like this bit of news. Especially given their two-seconds-ago talk that he should communicate things to her right away.

He gulped as he watched her lay down her spoon on the side of the bowl and set the tray on his side of the bed. He wondered if he’d still be sleeping there tonight.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Her voice was low and even, but her eyes were wild. She was not happy.

“Okay, look, I know I should’ve probably talked to you first.” He sprang up to his feet. “But Dig told me-”

“Dig was here?” she blanched.

His hand went behind his head where he awkwardly scratched.

“Yeah, he showed up with some new tech to use to help in the Godspeed war.”

She looked at him in disbelief.

“We caught one of the Godspeeds, but then he broke out and the tech broke, and I yelled at Chester, and all of this because, well…” He sat back down again. “I couldn’t stop thinking about Nora in those dreams. I was so worried about her, what all of this meant for her time. If there’s so much chaos and destruction right now in Central City, imagine in her time where they’re from. All I wanted to do was go check on her, make sure she was alright.”

“So, that’s what you did, I assume,” Iris said bitterly.

“After Dig talked me into it, yeah.”

“And who else did you tell about your grand adventure?”

Feeling uneasy now, he stood up again.

“I uh…told Cecile.”

“And?”

He swallowed. “And Chester and Caitlin.”

“So, everybody.” Angrily, Iris flung back the covers and forced herself out of bed, heading for the exit as fast as she could get there. “Everybody but me.”

“Iris, wait, please-”

He followed her at normal speed, not wanting to upset her further by jumping ahead of her in under a second.

She stopped suddenly once they got to the first floor.

“Did it ever occur to you, Barry, that this might be a bad idea?”

His eyes widened.

“Of course! It’s why I needed to be talked into it. Dig convinced me that making family my number one priority was the most important thing, more important than being here for when the Godspeeds returned again.”

“I suppose he neglected to mention how it shouldn’t be a decision you make on your own in the end, that you should discuss it with your wife, who I don’t know, maybe would die of happiness seeing her daughter again?” Her voice broke.

Barry’s heart crumbled.

“Iris, you were sick. You’re still sick. Traveling at super speed would’ve made you even more sick. Even if…even if you’re not…”

“Spit it out, Barry. If I’m not what? If I’m not pregnant?”

His eyes dipped down to the floor.

“Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not.”

His eyes flashed to hers.

“What do you mean?”

She closed some of the distance between them, no-nonsense in her tone when she spoke.

“How many times, Barry? How many times are you going to make life-changing decisions without talking to me first? Decisions that involve our children? That could change life as we know it? As they know it? Given your very happy mood when you showed up, I assume all was well in 2049?”

He gulped and nodded.

“Yes.”

“Well, suppose it won’t be after your little visit? And even if it is, Barry…you have to talk to me. It’s important that we’re a team. That’s what I signed up for when I married you, that we would communicate and be a unit in everything we did. I thought you had gotten past doing things rashly, based entirely on your emotions, but-”

“But I didn’t do it based on my emotions! I had to be talked into it, don’t you see? It was Dig that-”

“Oh, shut up about Dig!”

That silenced him.

“You used his advice as an excuse to go ahead and do what you know in your heart you were going to do anyway.”

“Iris.”

“No.” She shook her head and turned away, then stopped and looked back at him. “I thought you were ready. I thought we were ready. And I was excited when you called me a week ago claiming you knew that I was pregnant, only for it to just be based on some wishful thinking dream you had.”

He swallowed hard.

“You’re not ready, Barry. And I don’t know if you ever will be.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

Cautiously, he approached her.

“What are you saying, Iris?”

She took a breath and licked her lips.

“I’m saying I don’t want to try for Nora anymore. Not now, not for a while, maybe not… Maybe not ever.”

His jaw dropped. He couldn’t speak.

She closed her eyes and tears seeped out.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her breath hitching. “But right now, I don’t think you’d make a good father.”

Shell-shocked, he took one step back and then froze. Everything inside him came to a standstill. It even felt like his heart had stopped. Memories of meeting adult Nora again and…and her brother, who was apparently such a mama’s boy. To think they might not even exist in the future all because of this conversation right here.

He thought Iris would want to know all about their future children, but now…

“I’m going back upstairs,” she informed him, her tone clipped in the deafening silence of their living room. “Please don’t follow me.”

“Iri-” he tried, but she held up a hand to silence him.

“Don’t.”

Feeling helpless, he let her go up the stairs alone.

The sound of their bedroom door closing was so final that it seemed to echo off all the walls around him. Sensing a collapse was near, he entered the living room further and sat down on the couch, immediately putting his head in his hands and rocking slightly.

One thought clear as day drummed through his mind above all the others.

What have I done?

[purple-cat-demon]

Forever Starts Under the Ginkgo Tree: Part 2

Pairing: Gavin x Hazel

Genre: domestic fluff

Word Count: 1465

Warnings: ever so slightly suggestive because I do allude to another fic I wrote that is definitely nsfw. It's not explicit details but I'm warning y'all just in case.

Please enjoy this next installment~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, 10:30am, AEC

“Boosssss,” Kiki drawled on while she typed away at her computer. Hazel shot a glance across her cubicle to the young employee.

“Yes, Kiki.”

“When are you and Officer Gavin gonna get married already?”

Hazel choked on her own spit, *cough* “excuse me, what?”

She could feel a few of her coworkers staring at her and did not dare to look around.

“W-well, I… don’t know when. I suppose it’s up to him, really…”

Kiki glared at her boss, “Seriously, Boss?”

A flustered blush washed over Hazel’s face and as she was about to retort, Anna piped up,

“Kiki, that’s hardly appropriate work conversation…”

The mother mode in Anna kicked in as she stared at her coworker. Kiki shrunk down in her seat, “sorry, Boss,” she whispered.

Anna walked away and went back to her desk while Hazel returned to typing up her reports to LFG.

As the work day ended, Hazel packed up her stuff and headed out.

“Hey, Boss,” Willow hailed Hazel down just before they exited the AEC building, “want to hit up the convenience store for some milk tea?”

Hazel mulled over the question a bit, “sure, that sounds great~”

The two strolled down the street, discussing the current project; Willow decided to divert the conversation elsewhere, “so when are you two getting married?”

There was that pesky question again. Hazel sighed, “am I really ready for that yet?”

“Well, it’s not like you hardly know Gavin. You two have been together for a while now. You even moved in with him, don’t you think it’s time for the next step?”

Hazel let out a frustrated whimper, “it’s definitely crossed my mind recently.” She thought back to last night when her and Gavin passed the bridal shop on the way to the convenience store. 

The two ladies entered the store, still chattering away about weddings when they passed the magazine rack. Willow immediately picked up a wedding magazine because she had recognized the photography company featured on the cover: Twisted Dreams Photography.

“Isn’t this the company that reached out to you and Gavin for that Fairy Tale photo shoot?”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize they did weddings too.”

She took the magazine from Willow and put it in her basket.

“It’ll be nice to read up on them again,” Hazel said with a smile. 

Willow nodded, “hopefully Officer Gavin doesn’t panic when he sees this wedding magazine~”

“It’s not like I’m getting any ideas, really. I got it for the Twisted Dreams article, and I figured Gavin would want to see it too.”

While the two wandered around the small store, Hazel’s mind went back to that photo shoot they did. She felt her face flush as she recalled what her and Gavin did while they were on break from the shoot.

‘No regrets~' she thought, a sly grin graced her face.

The two finished up shopping and paid a few minutes later.

“Cheers,” Willow said as they clinked their cans of milk tea together, “to another successful work day.” She took a gulp as Hazel nodded and took a gulp herself.

“Next time, we should go for actual drinks,” Willow nudged Hazel’s arm as they walked on towards the subway station.

“Hmm, when this project is done, we’ll go for drinks, how about that,” Hazel offered.

“Yeah! That sounds like a plan!”

They reached the subway station by the New Light Mall, then parted ways after going through the turnstiles.

Hazel climbed the stairs to exit the subway station near their place. As she took out her phone to call Gavin, she stopped to see him leaning against Sparky, waiting for her. It looked like he was about to call her when she approached him. Glancing up and seeing her, Gavin immediately smiled.

“Been waiting long,” she inquired, “or did you just get off work yourself?” She took note that he was, in fact, still in his uniform with his white hoodie zipped up halfway.

“Yeah, I got here about ten minutes ago,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. He then turned to get her helmet out of the back pouch on Sparky. 

“Hop on, let’s go home,” he said as he got on the bike; Hazel eagerly got on and held onto Gavin’s waist tightly. Thankfully, she wore a light jacket because it was a bit chilly riding along down the street. They reached the parking garage of their apartment complex in no time, and after securing Sparky, they headed up to their home. While in the elevator, Hazel showed Gavin the two food sets she picked up at the convenience store, though Gavin’s glance focused more on the magazine in her bag instead.

“What’s that magazine,” he inquired.

“Oh! Check this out,” she brought the magazine out as the elevator doors opened, “there’s an article on the photography company that we did the Red Riding Hood shoot for. Remember that?”

His face flushed a bit, and he cleared his throat as he opened the door to their apartment, “yeah, I do remember that.”

Hazel shot past him and headed to the dining table to set her bag and purse down. She turned toward her boyfriend with a sly grin.

“Then you remember what we did in that storage room, right,” her mischievous tone did not go unnoticed by the ever observant officer.

Gavin placed a hand on her hip while the other caressed her cheek. He leaned in to whisper in her ear,

“Yes, I had you pinned to a wall for a quick little ‘session’, if I’m remembering correctly,” he pulled away, “am I right?” A hint of lust burned in those amber eyes. Hazel let out a small giggle, “you are correct, sir.”

She broke out of his small embrace and headed towards the fridge, “a-anyways, we should probably eat.”

Gavin snagged her wrist, “we could recreate that, you know, since we still have the costumes.”

A fuse blew somewhere in Hazel’s brain and she suddenly forgot how to speak. Pleased with himself, Gavin released her wrist and went back to the table to peruse the food she bought.

“W-what do you want to drink,” she stammered.

“I’ll have water, please,” he replied, chuckling to himself, “which one is yours and which is mine?”

“Any one you want,” she replied, regaining her composure. They sat down and enjoyed their dinner; afterwards they looked through the magazine for the article on Twisted Dreams Photography. Hazel was thoroughly impressed with it.

“Oh wow, they did a really good job on this shoot. I was really surprised that they do weddings too~”

Gavin watched as Hazel’s eyes lit up at each bride featured in the article.

“Ah! Look! It’s the dress we saw in the bridal shop,” she pointed at the picture excitedly.

“You’re right,” he said, “you want to wear that dress even more now? Since it’s been featured?”

*POP*

There went another fuse but this time Hazel regained her composure more quickly.

“Hmm, like I said, ‘someday’”

Gavin glanced at the clock on the wall,

“It’s getting late, we should get to bed, yeah?”

“Ah, yeah, sure~”

~~~Saturday afternoon~~~

The giant ginkgo tree truly did look more impressive in person. Gavin shook his head to clear his mind from distractions in order to focus on the task at hand. He watched Hazel as she marveled at everything around her; she looked so carefree as she turned and smiled back at him.

‘It’s now or never,’ he psyched himself up.

“H-Hazel?”

She cocked her head to the side, looking at him inquisitively. He got down on one knee, and presented the ring to her.

“Hazel May, will you marry me?”

There was a long pause; Hazel was looking down at him with an expression he’d never seen before. A look of disdain, perhaps?

“I will not marry you.”

He blinked, ‘did… did I hear that right?”

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘I will not marry you’”

At that instance, Gavin’s world utterly shattered.

Gavin’s eyes snapped open; hyperventilating a little, he looked over at the clock on his night stand, he had only been asleep for two hours. He sat up and rubbed his eyes still trying to calm himself down.

“Mmmm, Babe, you okay,” Hazel asked while still half asleep.

“Y-Yeah, I just had a bad dream is all.”

Hazel sat up and blearily asked, “ you want to talk about it?”

Letting out a heavy sigh, Gavin replied, “no, my love, let’s go back to sleep.”

“Oookay,” she said, her head landing with an audible plop back onto her pillow. Within minutes, her light snores resumed. Gavin settled back into place but it took much longer for him to go back to sleep; the dream still weighing heavy in the back of his mind.

[henrycavell]

homecoming part 2

summary: Syverson has been medically discharged from the army after a suicide attempt. He’d been able to hide his deteriorating mental health for years from the men around him, but now he has to face it head on. Hopefully not alone.

word count: 1,899

pairing: Syverson x OFC warnings: none

authors note: this is another slow/kind of boring chapter!! sorry, i don’t want to make these chapters very long because i know when i read fanfics i prefer shorter chapters soooo, but i promise next chapter is gonna be sad and probably hurt your feelings <3

taglist;  @littlefreya​ @mary-ann84​ @wondersofdreaming​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @geralt-of-baevia​ @asylummara​ @dearlybelovedluke​ @promptandpros​ @mansaaay​ @daddys-littlewhitegirl​ @vacant-writings​ ​ @80scavill​ @kaatelyyynn

PART 1 | PART 2

So the first meeting with Syverson could've gone better. Penelope had better first impressions with Aika than the with the former captain, but she was determined to turn things around. Returning to his home the next weekend, Penelope knocked before letting herself in, multiple grocery bags hanging from her arms. "Hey!" Her voice echoed quietly in the hall, the only response she was given besides the sound of Aika's nails hitting the wooden floors as she came running down the stairs. Making a mental note to schedule her an appointment with the groomers', Penelope brought the groceries into the kitchen, setting them down on the table. 

Syverson's pick-up hadn't been in the drive today, but Penelope didn't think on it too much. Beginning to take the groceries out of the first bag, Aika went running up to the back door, placing her paw up near the door knob and whining. "Need out, girl?" Penelope asked, setting down the coffee she held in her hands. Before letting Aika run free in the backyard, Penelope checked to make sure the gate was secure and then disappeared back inside to continue putting up all the groceries she'd bought. Every few minutes, Penelope would raise her head to look out the window to make sure Aika was still in sight. She couldn't help but feel on edge, she was still in a complete stranger's home and it was even worse when she knew he was out. 

Her gaze moved around the kitchen, noticing a thin layer of dust on the window sills and in the back edges of the counters. The floors looked like they could've used a decent mopping and there was a small pile of dishes in the sink too. Checking on Aika once more, Penelope moved to open the back door and decided to leave it open, allowing the dog to decide when she wanted to come back in. Placing her phone on the kitchen table, Penelope played her favorite band as she moved around the kitchen, starting with wiping down the counters and sweeping, before making her way to other rooms in the house. 

♫ We get colder As we grow older We will walk So much slower ♫

Making her way down the stairs after cleaning in every room upstairs, Penelope held a basket of dirty clothes on her hip with the intention of taking them to the laundry. Aika sat at the foot of the step, with her leash in her mouth, her head cocking to the side when the two made eye contact. "What's up, Aika?" Penelope asked, stepping off the last step before reaching down to take the leash from the dog. "You wanna go on a walk, huh?" Dropping the basket by her feet, Penelope knelt and clipped the leash to the dog's collar, holding it tightly in her hand as she opened the front door. "Okay girl, c'mon!"

Syverson had been gone most of that morning and afternoon to a psych appointment. He hated Friday mornings for that exact reason, twice a month a doctor sat across from him and tried picking his brain apart. And then by the end of the appointment, usually his meds were switched around, doses were changed. It was all such a big headache. Shutting the door behind him, he let himself slump against it, his shoulders drooping as he waited to hear the sound of Aika's paws hitting the floor.

Except he didn't. And the air around him had a slight scent of lemons to it. Pulling his brow together, Syverson stood up straight again and looked down seeing a laundry basket that he surely hadn't left there. "Aika?" No answer. Even though he was telling himself not to panic, Syverson could feel his heart start to pound heavy in his chest. Moving through the house, he stepped into the kitchen and saw things had been moved around, the dishes had been washed and new things sat on the counter like a fresh loaf of bread and a new box of cereal.

"Penelope?"

Still no answer. Sliding the back door open, Syverson stepped out onto the porch and called once more for his dog before his hands started to shake. Panic ran through every vein as he turned on his heel and returned back into the kitchen. If he could've just paused, taken a deep breath and just thought logically for just a second, he would've realized there was nothing to worry about. That it was obvious the volunteer from the VA had been here, that Aika's collar was missing from next to the front door, that they were just on a walk. But the only thought running through his head was that Aika was gone. Just gone.

Just breathe, he told himself, forcing his feet to carry him into the living room where he sank down on the couch. He let his head fall back, staring up at the ceiling as he took in deep breaths through his nose, trying to focus on how his chest would rise and fall. Closing his eyes, Sy told himself to wait, to try and relax before he spiraled out of control.

Penelope had only taken Aika for a short walk around the block. It had only been about ten minutes after Syverson arrived back home that they came in through the front door. The door shut behind Penelope and Syverson rocketed up off of the couch in the living room, no longer able to listen to the voice in his head trying to calm him down. Penelope unlatched the leash off of Aika’s collar, and the second she was free, she darted straight up to Syverson, whose entire body was tense and rigid. She licked his hand, but he didn't respond, instead, glaring a hole into the side of Penelope's head, waiting for her to give him her attention. When her eyes lifted to meet his, he launched straight into screaming. "You don't take my dog anywhere!" He stepped forward, backing Penelope up against the door. Aika whined, laying down in the floor on her belly, hiding her eyes behind her paws.

Caught off guard, Penelope pressed her back up against the door, lifting her hands up by instinct, her eyes widening in fear as Syverson seemed to grow in size, bulking up on her. "What’s the matter? I just took her for a walk-"

"I don't care!" Syverson shouted, feeling like his face was on fire, sure that it was blistering red. He didn't trust Aika with anyone, certainly not a weak looking thing like Penelope. Syverson only knew Aika to listen to him and he didn't even want to think about half of the horrible scenarios running through his mind had she broken loose from the girl. Aika was more than just a dog to him. Hell, Aika was the only thing keeping him alive, especially on his bad days. His hands tightened into fists by his sides, veins popping out and running up his arm. Penelope could feel her heart hit her stomach, watching the anger on the man's face as his chest swelled. "Get out," he growled.

"W-what?" Penelope frowned, pulling her brow together as she looked down at his fists. She could feel her heart in her throat, wondering briefly to herself if he was the type to hit a woman. His fist alone seemed like it was the size of her head and she didn't really want to think too hard on how it might feel to be hit by a man his size. Aika was getting back to her feet, coming up behind Sy's legs, nudging her head against his knees in an attempt to comfort him, hoping it would help him to cool down.

"Get. Out." His voice had lowered now, though Penelope could still hear the exasperation in his voice. The man took a step back, his hand reaching down to scratch behind Aika's ears, trying his damnedest to get himself under control. Penelope felt frozen, her feet glued to the floor as she felt hot, burning tears in her eyes. For the last few hours she had worked hard around his home, nearly finished with everything besides his laundry. "Don't make me tell you again, girl!" Syverson stepped back towards her, feeling his anger spike once more. The sharp gaze he gave her was enough to startle her into jumping forward, slinging the front door open.

He slammed the door closed behind her and she heard the locks falling into place. Her hands were trembling as she looked over her shoulder towards the front door, slowly moving off of the porch. This time, Penelope had no intention of coming back. There had been plenty of times where she found herself in arguments or uncomfortable situations with other veterans she helped, but never had she felt directly threatened. Penelope kept her head down as she hurried to her car, not taking a second glance back.

That evening, Penelope had been quick to submit a report on Syverson, detailing his sizable outburst and how she had felt threatened. One of her counselors had asked if she felt comfortable continuing to see the former captain and she had answered no. 

"I'm sorry this happened," he sighed, closing Syverson's file and pointing towards the door, seeing Penelope out. "I'll have you a new client on Monday morning." 

It didn't feel good giving up on someone, but she told herself that she had to put herself first, her safety first. Penelope had never found herself in a situation with a man where she felt in danger, but now when she closed her eyes, her brain was just sending her into what if circumstances, the image of his tightened fists and clenched jaw permanently etched into her mind. Penelope just nodded, trying to keep her head held up as she left the counselor's office.

Out in the hall, she was having a hard time shaking this sinking feeling she had, like guilt was already beginning to eat her alive and she had only made her decision mere moments ago. Heading out into the lobby, Penelope stopped by the front desk, leaning her elbow against it and letting out a heavy sigh. The receptionist, a girl named Katherine, looked up at her and gave a confused look. "You alright? Ready to sign out, girly?" At the same time, a psychiatrist came walking up to the desk to check back in from their lunch hour. 

"Not really-" Penelope sighed, hearing her phone ding in her pocket, but for the moment, she ignored it. "When do you get off today? Wanna go get drinks?" she asked, picking up the pen to scribble her name on the sign-out sheet. 

Outside, the sun was already beginning to hide behind the horizon and storm clouds were rolling in. There was a heavy scent in the air, like the smell right before it rains. Penelope had been disappointed to hear that Katherine was pulling a double shift as she sank into the driver seat of her car. It seemed like she was heading to the bar alone.

Ding! Her phone went off a second time, reminding her of the message she had ignored only a few minutes prior. Her eyebrows raised slightly when she saw the the name that popped up on the small screen.

𝚃𝚎𝚡𝚝: 𝟽:𝟸𝟹𝚙𝚖 𝚂𝚢𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚛.

[having-a-hyperfixate]

Week 2, Day 2

Safety cut, line breaks where the original posts ended.

WELL WE’RE OFF TO A GREAT START THAT’S A PROMISING VISION. I expect that’ll be referencing- Well the mission showed up as I was typing this FUCK ME. I expect that’ll be referencing the scene from the release date trailer and now back to me screaming.

TODAY’S MISSION IS WHAT. FUCK ME. EVEN IF THIS GUY ISN’T NEKU OR ANYONE ELSE I ALREADY KNOW. EVEN IF HE HADN’T SAVED MY ASS LAST WEEK. NOT HAPPENING. FUCK YOU SHIBA. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

-----------------------

I had to go run errands (I forgot the god damn garlic butter whyyyy) and am SLIGHTLY calmer now. Gonna pick it back up in a sec but I wanted to take a moment to appreciate the hilarity of Shoka thinking there’s even the slightest chance Neku would EVER join them. Dude. He hated the whole system under the old rules, and these rules are MUCH MUCH crueler. Ain’t no way in hell. If he did join it would be purely to immediately assassinate them all.

I think the Officers, at least, are probably expecting that. I don’t buy that they’re using the Players to hunt him down so they can make sure he’s legit and then recruit him. I think its more like using the Players to wear him down and then swoop in for the kill.

And on that cheery note, let’s do this thing.

-----------------------

Just got back to the Scramble after going out past Cat Street (where is Wildkat. WHERE) and uh. What is Shiba talking about. Excuse me. Oh boy. This is about to suck isn’t it.

*deep breath*

shitshitshitshitshitshitshit GIRL DON’T DO IT HE’S A PERSON HE’S NOT SOME KIND OF NOISE NONONONONONONONO ohfuckohno 

Praise be to rewinding time JEEZ.

Ok first of all fuck me. Second, Tsugumi’s clearly Not Okay? She wasn’t gonna do it and then skeezy said he’s not a Reaper or a Player so he might as well be Noise and the sound she made… 

If I understood what happened in A New Day correctly, she was IN Shinjuku when it Inverted, whatever the hell that means. So she has probably Seen Some Shit. And who knows if she’s been in the UG since that happened. Or even when that happened.

“we need to find him before that public execution” YOU DON’T SAY.

This game stresses me out.

-----------------------

So I went toward Shibuya Hikarie first and I guess this is the way I was supposed to go cuz Kariya gave me a hint and now I’ve found a Pureheart who almost had a heart attack from being glared at too hard.

He’s headed toward the River. I. Aaaaaah….

Edit: Nope it looks like I’m gonna have to do all three.

-----------------------

After staring at that logic puzzle for WAY TOO LONG ahaha we are. back at the bus terminal. Right by the River.

AND Tsugumi is already here. AWESOME. Well we know where it is now. Here goes everything nothing…

-----------------------

I’M SORRY WHAT?! WHY IS. W- MR M- WHY IS HER MR MEW EVIL?!?!

………………………. WHAT.

how badly is this thing gonna kick my ass >.>

-----------------------

Thankfully demon Mr Mew didn’t kick my ass.

AND I FINALLY KNOW FOR SURE WHO THE GUY IS.

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BACK HERE BEAT. I WOULD LIKE AN EXPLAIN. PLZ. Some things never change though. Saw some kids hung out to dry and said screw that. I cannot wait for the chaos that is no doubt about to unfold. I wonder it he’ll have a special psych as well. I wonder if Minamimoto recognized Beat. Or vice versa.

So that person behind the computer screen HAS to be Rhyme then. They were also blonde. With Beat being in the UG it would make sense that she’s looking for a way to contact him somehow. I wonder if there’s some kind of coordinated cross-layer operation going on.

Kariya has to know SOMETHING, right? He pointed me in the right direction, and even brought up the ‘but is it really Neku’ question.

Speaking of, I would like to know what happened to him after Coco shot him. …. I might have an actual cry if Beat came here looking for Neku. My heart would not be able to handle it.

[whump-it]

Hayden; Rory Tells Alyaa What Happened

@haro-whumps @grizzlie70 @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @comfortforthepain @shameless-whumper @iaminamoodymoodtoday @kawaiiloverofanimu @burtlederp @untilthepainstarts @my-whumpy-little-heart @moose-teeth @pepperonyscience @faewhump @saphemme @slaintetowhump

Ok.  This isn’t quite what it should have been thanks to Tumblr just eating half the work after I saved it.  I’ve rescued it to the best of my ability right now which is probably not great.  I’m not having a good week but I wanted to get this out there.  I can always edit if I need to later.  The story won’t change.

TW’s?  Not really I don’t think.  Alyaa is struggling with her past but it’s not really discussed here.  There is mention of a grisly accident in precious little detail because that belongs in another drabble.

With reassurances to Callum that he would be back in about an hour or so, Rory closed the door to his apartment and waited just long enough to hear that Callum had locked it after he had left. He assumed that he would have gone back to his cooking.

He stood for a beat longer, sighed and dragged a hand through his hair, his other hand holding on to a folder of neatly kept papers that Callum had eyed with a frown but not mentioned when Rory had picked it up prior to leaving.  This was always going to come out.  In the end there was no way that it could stay hidden forever, no matter how much of a wimp Rory knew he was being for not bringing it up sooner. 

He nodded to himself. Psyched himself up.  Bounced up and down on the balls of his feet then squared his shoulders and walked down the corridor to Alyaa’s front door and knocked.  He could hear from inside some shuffling and her calling out that she’d be there in just a moment.  When the door swung open he was greeted by the unusual sight of a fully beaming and incredibly happy Alyaa.  The look of complete joy dropped like a stone from her face as she looked up at him. 

“Rory,” she said softly.  “Uh...I was expecting...”

“Callum,” Rory interrupted her.  “I know.  He’s cooking.”

“He’s cooking?”  She looked wary, like she didn’t believe him and it made Rory feel anxious and impatient.

“Yes, cooking.  He said he was making enough for you and he’ll bring it over later.  I’m guessing that’s what you expected at the door?  And not me?”

He instantly regretted the way that he was talking to her.  He knew that she had a past.  He knew from Callum that there were things that she didn’t want to talk about and he didn’t push for any more than that from him.  And for whatever reason, she had clearly never taken to him although he assumed that turning up drunkenly stumbling into someones apartment would probably have that effect. But she was shaking like a leaf, stood like a trapped animal in her own doorway.  He had never been more aware of how much taller than her he was. 

“Look,” Rory sighed the word out, feeling suddenly tired and overwhelmed.  And woefully underprepared for anything that had happened over the last few weeks.  More than anything right now he needed an ally.  “Call him.  Message him.  I’ll wait right here while you do.  He’s fine.  But once you’re happy that he’s safe and sound then I need to talk to you.”

“W...why?” She tripped over the word quietly with a quiver in her voice. 

“Because I know that he’s spoken to you about Hayden.  And I know that you’re trying to help but he’s terrified that he’s going to come back for him.  There is no way that Hayden will ever be getting his hands on Callum again.”

“How...how...uh.  How can you be so sure about that?  How can you know that for sure?  No wonder he’s frightened.  I don’t know the half of what...of course he’s frightened.”

“I can be sure because there’s something that you don’t know.  And there’s something that Cal doesn’t know.  Hayden’s never going to come back and get Cal because Hayden is dead.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth he could see the colour drain from Alyaa’s face.  With lightning fast speed she grasped at the door and swung it to slam it shut.  Rory flinched at it but shoved a foot in between the door and the frame, pushed a hand to the flat of the door and held it there, pushing back and easily gaining the upper hand. 

“Alyaa,” he grunted the word out.  “Just let me in will you?  I need to to talk to you about this.”  He pushed again, opening the door a little further.  “Let me in!”

At the demand, the door gave and Rory tumbled into the apartment, startled and stumbling as he just about held on to his balance and his folder of papers.

"Thank you!" he said, exasperated and sarcastic with wrung-out tiredness. He glanced around, looking for where Alyaa had gone until he saw her standing ram-rod straight backed to the side of the door, hands held neatly in front of her with her expression schooled onto blankness.

"Thank you," he said again, calmly and sincerely. Her sudden change in manner, in posture, in deference had unnerved him. He didn't know what had happened but he knew that he didn't like it.

"Please," she said, gesturing to the couch opposite the kitchen. Gathering up his composure, Rory walked quietly and slowly to the couch, afraid that if he went any faster he would somehow startle Alyaa too much. Like she might somehow just disappear. It felt strange. He sat down and chewed on his lip, a frown written all across his face.

"I'm sorry," he said, so quietly that it could barely he heard. He watched her for reactions. She was sat as still as a statue but she was listening. He was certain about that. Guarded but alert. Aware. He could work with that. He'd seen the same thing in Callum more than once.

"Look I shouldn't have pushed in," Rory said, fiddling with the edge of the folder on his lap. "That was a dick move I know. But I'm desperate. I need help. I need to help Cal. He trusts you..."

"And he trusts you too," Alyaa interrupted him, surprising him into silence. "He thinks the world of you. So..."

"I'm doing my best to earn every bit of the trust that he puts in me. Please... please believe that."

"I think you have a story that you need to tell me," Alyaa said, looking Rory in the eyes, finally making eye contact.

"Yes," Rory nodded eagerly. "I do and, uh, it's..."

"I only want one thing off you," Alyaa said. "If I ask you to leave, then you will. Can you do that?"

"Of course," Rory said. "Your place, your rules. But... please give me a chance, time even, to get this all out because it's... complicated."  He watched her as she turned the conversation over in her head, seemingly reaching a conclusion that suited her as she nodded and moved to sit in an armchair opposite him.

“Ok then,” she said, releasing the words on an exhale after a large inhale.  “Go ahead.”

“Right,”  Rory said, nodding to himself, suddenly entirely clueless as to where or how to start.  “So you know I’m an AP.”  He caught her eye and saw the brief flinch that she tried her best to cover up.  “WAS an AP.  Sorry.  I’ve...I quit.  I uh...I quit that.  The day that I asked you to come watch Cal for me?  I went to work and I quit.  I’m just freelance auditing now but...you don’t need to hear that part...not important.”

She was sitting statue still, straight backed and composed and it was unnerving him more than if she had raged at him, hit him, screamed at him.  It was making his mouth say stupid things that his brain wasn’t giving it permission for.

“So yeah...not an AP now.  Uh,”  he fiddled with his folder again.  “Yeah!  So when Callum came to donate he, or I, he.  He was so young.  And I should’ve stopped him. Believe me I know that.  I wish that I had so badly.  But it was rules and I thought...I really truly thoguht that the system was good.  That it was for good.  That it made people happy.  I never even considered, because I’m a dick, I never even considered that it could be so...abused.  I...”

“Rules,” Alyaa said quietly.

“Huh?”

“Rules.  You and Callum.  You both...with your rules.  And his rules.  The wrong rules can tie a person up you know.  Tightly.  No escape.  The freedom becomes a void.”

Rory looked at her while she spoke, his mouth hanging open.  The void of freedom.  It was such a mindblowing concept that he couldn’t even begin to think about where to start with it.  

“I shouldn’t have interrupted,” Alyaa said, breaking the silence.  “Go on.”

“Uuuuuh...yeah.  So, I mean I always treated every BP well.  Because why wouldn’t I?  And I really enjoyed having Cal there.  He never said much but he was so...”  he searched for the right word.  “...Cal.  You know something?  When I brought him home my boss told me to take him to the locality facility.  That they would mend him and fix him up for a new Selector.”

When he looked up at Alyaa again she had gone pale once more, the colour that she regained seemed to be leaching away from her. 

“I told him no.  That I wouldn’t take him in.  That he was staying with me and getting cleaned up and washed and fed.  When I went in to see Mr Newman?  My boss...old boss.  He said to me that Cal is an example of just how you never know that something is wrong until something bad happens.  And then you can fix it..." Rory paused and sighed, rubbed a hand through his hair and steadied himself because he was certain that if he let the anger that he was feeling out then Alyaa would kick him out for sure.

"Alyaa... he called Callum an example. An example. He's not a...fucking example. He's a person."

"How did you find him?" Alyaa asked quietly, still sitting straight and composed.

“There was an audit,” Rory said.  “State ordered by the government.  They couldn’t ognore the rumours anymore that younger donors were being used or abused and they wanted it all checked out.  Did you hear about it?  On the news?  The Programme wasn’t...isn’t...well not everyone kept notes as well as I did.”  He motioned to the stack of papers on his lap.

“So the APs were ordered to look into any donors who were twenty five years or younger when they donated.  And I’ve only ever had one.  Callum.”

“How old was he when he...” Alyaa began.

“Twenty,” Rory said quickly.  “And it...it felt wrong.  But rules...the rules said.  They said it was ok and...I...I fucked up I know that.  I know now.  But I had the paperwork.  Still do.  I always kept copies, and copies of copies.  So I did the audit and everthing that had checked out before just didn’t anymore.  Something wasn’t adding up the way that it had.  I asked for paid leave and went looking in every direction that I could for him.  I...I found him.  I found him...”

Alyaa was looking at him, quite and still, her posture maintained but with maybe just a hint more ease to it.  Rory couldn’t quite tell, but she said nothing.  Just looked at him until he felt compelled to carry on talking.

“I found Hayden first,”  Rory looked down at the papers, focussing on the words but not really reading them.  Anything to take away the image that was seared into his minds eye.  “He was in his car, I recognised it from when he took...uh, when he took Cal away.”  Tears were gathering and his throat felt tight.  He swallowed hard and gulped on it, the noise embarrasing and loud in the otherwise silent apartment.  He sniffed in hard, an ugly sound that did little to help.  So he kept his head down while he continued to speak.

“The key was in the ignition and turned on,” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.  “But it wasn’t running.  It had run out of fuel Alyaa.  It had been so long that it had run itself out of fuel where it was, in a ditch by the side of the road.  Facing the house.  There was a...a deer caught up in it, half in the car just... just mangled up and...”  Rory took a deep and suddering breath in and out.  “It was Hayden.  I know it was.  I called it in eventually.  Anonymously and when I was far enough away.  The deer killed him.  Just...smashed him up.  His chest and face.  I could still see it was him.  But...it wasn’t pretty.  It was...I don’t like to think about it.  I didn’t let Cal see.”

“But if the fuel had run out...” Alyaa said slowly, piecing together just what that had to mean.  Just how much time there had been for Callum on his own. 

“How long does it take for a car to run out of fuel?”  Rory asked, looking up as the tears escaed and spilled down his cheeks. “What if it had been a full tank?  What if I hadn’t got there when I did...”  He broke off with a gasp and dashed the tears away angrily with the palm of one hand.  The thought that he might have been too late had plagued him from the moment that he had seen the car and Hayden.  It intruded.  It pricked at his mind and wouldn’t leave him alone.  After a long moment of silence, Alyaa spoke.

“You did though.  You did get there.”  Rory looked at her and nodded.  Grabbed at the olive branch and held on for all he was worth. 

“I didn’t find him straight away,” He whispered.  “I looked all through the house.  I called out but no one answered.  I must have walked right past the basement door when I went in.  I saw it on the way out.  It was only a sliding latch.  No bolts.  All that was between Callum and freedom was one. single. latch.  Uh...I don’t think I should tell you how he was when I found him?  Maybe that should be something for him to share?  He was...it...he was not in a good way.  Just too hurt and frightened.  Too...too lost.”  He held the papers that he had been grasping on to out to Alyaa and waited until she hesitantly took hold of them.

“More copies of copies,” Rory said.  I wanted you to be able to see things for yourself. I don’t...I’m fairly sure I’ve done something to upset you and I totally respect you not wanting to tell me what it was but this is about Cal.  Not me.  So those are yours to keep if you want.  To read and...I don’t know...believe?  Maybe?”

“Thank you,” Alyaa said quietly. 

“He’s not an example Alyaa,” Rory said.  “He’s not.”

“No, he’s not,” she said.  “I know.  It’s ok.  And...umm...I’m not upset really.  Not...I need time.  I...just need time.  But thank you for...”  She held up the papers and gave them a little wave about.  Rory nodded and scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. 

“Is he...hurt?” she asked.

“He’s been so so badly treated,” Rory said.  “He’s...I do try to get him out.  I promise I do.  I take him for walks and I buy him things that I’ve seen him looking at.  But his head still belongs to Hayden.  At least partly.  I don’t want to keep him in but he wants to be back there sometimes.  I know that.  And he’s frightened.  He’s been ill since he got here and I don’t want him trying...”

“So that’s why...” Alyaa whispered.

“Huh?”  Rory looked at her but she was looking down at the stack of papers.  She looked quiet and calm, still aware and alert but not the guarded and terrified demeanour that she had displayed when he had first arrived.  Suddenly she stood, staright up in a motion that drew Rory up with her as if by a magnet. 

“Can you...I’m tired,” she said, edging towards the door and drawing Rory along with her without so much as touching him.  “Can you tell Callum not to worry about the food tonight?  It’s been a long day and we ate a lot of cake frosting when he was here earlier.  Maybe he could save it for Tuesday?”

“Tuesday?” Rory said, reaching for the door handle at the same time as Alyaa, pulling quickly back when he saw the collision pathway that their hands were on. 

“He’s coming over on Tuesday...he told you?  I think?  I’ve arranged some work at your place to help him?”

“Oh, sorry...yeah...no I’ll tell him.  I’ll work from home that day...so...yeah,” Rory shuffled out into the corridor.  “And I AM sorry.  I never meant to make you sad or...whatever.”

“Uh, yeah. I know...,” Alyaa was talking but she was shutting the door as she spoke.  Rory had his hand half way raised to wave a goodbye when the door closed with a click and the sound of bolts sliding into place.  He wondered how many times Callum had had to hear that sound.  Too many.  Even once was too many.  It made Rory hurry back, desperate to hold Callum.  To hug him and tell him that he was sorry.  That he was ok now.  That none of this should ever have happened but that he has a home now.  He has friends now.

And the shadow that loomed large, the need to tell Callum about Hayden would have to wait for another day.

[findingyouagain]

personal rant down below. pls feel free to ignore

apparently asking my mom to stick up for me when my sister starts yelling at me about stupid things like accidentally spilling a drink upstairs, putting a sweatshirt on top of the dresser to block the box lights, her yelling at me over having a fan plugged in & on downstairs is “not something we need to talk about” & “your dad & i are working with av. on her anger” ( um bitch where she’s upstairs all the time & you bitches are downstairs 24/7. what are you having telepathic conversations about her anger issues ??? & yes im at the house all the time so its not like its happening when im not around ) & “you & kar. are out to get avery & get her into trouble & that’s why you keep bringing up old stuff” ( no we keep bringing up old shit bc if i had broken a door in this house i would have to pay to fix it & have all my shit taken away from me ).

also apparently when getting into heated discussions about the severity of covid-19, racism & how making jokes about stereotypes is racist, & other “political” issues ( aka human rights issues ), me pulling out articles & quoting scientific fact is “handling it wrong & attacking them” & my mom literally said she just shuts up & stops listening to me bc she doesnt want to hear it aka she’s not open to having her opinion changed on anything so y’know Fuck all of the kids who might die bc we have to open the schools back up & fuck their family members who might get sick if they bring it home & all the teachers & our schools arent eve requiring kids to wear masks just the teachers. & my other two sisters are going back to uni next month & one of them keeps fucking complaining about having to wear a mask & she fucking cheered the other day bc her school isnt in one of the counties in our state w/ mask requirements so when she has to go to this stupid sorority thing that they could do over fucking zoom next weekend, she’s just gonna be out there exposing herself & others to whatever fucking germs she has & im just so fucking tired.

& even my youngest sister was backing my mom up & was like “its just arguing all sisters dont get along all the time” & im like no av. has been physically & emotionally abusive to me & made me feel like i dont deserve any of the space or air i take up in our shared room the past 7 years & y’all are just mad that kar. & i are sitting here quietly & putting up with it anymore. & then she said “you just have to let it go & move on & like forgive her &  giver her a second chance” like no bitch this is her like 15th chance, im done. im so fucking done. but i cannot move out ?? bc i dont have a car. & i dont have money for a car or an apartment & i have no fucking friends & every person who is ‘supposedly’ my friend from home or school & shit, it’s always me who has to reach out first. always. & im tired of not feeling needed or wanted. but then oh why havent you done the dishes or the towels now im crying upstairs after ls or vacuumed or cooked yet. & when i do those things & ask for help from my sisters it’s well you’re not our parents & you cant tell us what to do.

& its my dads fucking bday & i spent the day making him a cake ( his family’s recipe meaning i had to call his parents who constantly harass me about my weigh t& my clothes & my hair & theyre racists homophobic assholes who i will never come out to but cant fucking cut out of my life yet bc i still live at home w/ my dad & bc their other son is supposed to be helping me get a car & bc they had to cosign my student loans last year & they told me i ha to watch what i eat as the stipulation for them signing & also they fucking guilt trip me anytime i spend more than a couple days not talking to them & explicitly try to make me feel bad that i enjoy the company of my mom’s parents more ) & now im upstairs crying bc i got into it w/ my mom while he & av. went to go pick up the pizza which is the only reason i brought it up.

oh not to mention the text btwn my mom & dad that i accidentally saw where they explicitly said kar & i implied we wanted av. to be put under a 72 hr psych hold as if asking that she be held accountable for her actions & not throw toothbrushes at us & shit is the same thing as that ??

so in case you were wondering no quarantine is not holding up great i fucking wish i could move out already but thats not gonna happen for probably a year & idk what to do i just need my own place so i can have space again & not feel like im constantly in it w/ 4-5 other people.

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

i did im sure but 

a good day - early eve - a good kitty always not just mornings 

after noon w teenz  - omg how jung sometimes i channel high school that never wuz for me but i scene it on the tv  -  i fear a never never land  for them sometimes  - the 2 in sf   - love them all heart always  - there is something said sometimes for making hard choices  

not abandoning by a long shot  

my priority is in davis - someone who makes hard choices daily  - if for no other reason than magic - music   - there never wuz a question  - there is no one  - absolutely no one  - i would turn down patti fukken smith  to play w vita  

i played w liam today a bit - casual no amps - at 1st jamming to war on utube  - and yah we make magic also and we healing  - and we have fun  - he is so scared imma abandon but trusting cuz he seen me walk in love thru fire  

fuck why the tinnitus so bad 2nite i wonder oh well 

inna zone play - dont know xactly how i getz here / there / into higher atmosphere  -  there is something sad sometimes - in  making hard choices

 a new wild card maybe - im feeling surprisingly well - physical /mental / psyche  - keep on pushin curtis sing i lissen sing along  - planning early madrone set sun maybe w liam  - and a couple new vids from last month soon coming  - el  vy cover need a friend inna mix  - a set sam say wuz sick as we walk off theres still applause  - it wuz intense af i remember - havent lissened since lol   - might have higher ground reddy freddy primetime  - actually been rehearsed more than i usual  - omg i getting so professional  

so in case u wondered the dealio  - without tmi  -  liam and vita had a relationship - it got fucked up big time - then got even more then - at this point in time she dont even wanna ever hear his name  - tho reality  - but yah  - and it healthy if she never duz again 

love them both w all my heart   - the things between liam and i that were fucked up got walked thru and over  - and the situation - the reality of it  - and yah t be delusional af when he wanna  - and confused unduly by capos  -  but t deal like a motherfucking og when ever he hafta  -  no he aint a hero - just a human being human mostly making up for lost years maybe idk -  sometimes hard af but always a joy 

went out w  - the kidz  - i gess from now on liam and whomever - theres a lotta players in that mix all young  will b referred to as  to chill under my tree  - feed crows - get some water at the store  - sam never saw me w my crows before  - they walked us home - they notice she has a hurt foot a limp a cast a cane - she knows they are not hoping for more food - brought plenty - did run out lol - they are thanking being company letting me know they are my murder or more exactly im in their murder  - i dont really know sam - she has been around a while maybe wuz in hs w liam - she cool af mostly  - from daze 1 she has taken me for wat i am  - performed w her 1x  - she has been known to sing while i and liam playing  - but so very young  

still - even musically or especially - i got more in common w her even than most ppl my age  -  and the kidz  and the kids that hear me play  - esp the musicians  - and most esp the ones that play w me  - the differences from being old af a soft blurring of lines  

im ok - hopeful  - try not to b impatient 

counting blessings

love

[veronicamarsbars]

If My Heart Could Beat Part Four

click here for part one

This part is set in season 5

You stood out the front of Giles’ place, knowing they must be inside. Where else would the gang go if not the library? You still couldn’t believe that the school really had burned down, when your cab passed it on your way to your home, you gasped. It was just a wreck now, the whole school. You were there for the Ascension and the blowing up of the school itself, but it had been a while since. You never really realized how awful it looked afterwards. But the place deserved it.

You walked up to Giles’ door, your breathing grew faster and your heart beat louder. They were inside. You hadn’t seen them for a year. Maybe they changed, college does that to people. Have you changed? Taking a gap year to travel was helpful, but were you just the same, scared girl as when you left? You knew that the only reason you ever left was because of what happened…

You knocked on the door before you could change your mind. It had to be now. The door opened, and you saw Giles, mildly confused, but surprised; happy to see you. He smiled widely, opening the door further, “Y/N, you’re back.” His voice was soft, gentle. He was welcoming, though, and so you took that as a good sign.

Giles’ words brought the attention of the others, and you smiled at him as you entered, immediately spotting Willow, Xander and Buffy. Their eyes lit up, and Willow was the first to reach you. You hugged her tightly and said hello, Buffy hugged you too. Xander awkwardly stuck out his hand but you pushed past it and hugged him instead.

“How was Europe?” Willow asked excitedly.

“It was amazing,” you beamed, almost in disbelief. You were really here, and so were your friends. You noticed a couple of other faces that you didn’t recognize. A tall, well built guy with cropped hair who stood near Buffy, and a blonde, kind looking girl who was next to Willow, “How have you guys been?”

“Well,” Xander said, “Sunnydale is still Sunnydale, meaning we slay, and slay, and slay again.”

“You can say that again,” Willow remarked.

“Another big bad?” you asked, even though you knew more than they thought. Well, bits and pieces anyway, from Spike’s letters. They mentioned something about the Initiative and a guy called Adam; an experiment gone wrong. Speaking of Spike, you started to wonder where he was…

“Yep, and this time it was a government-secret-demon-slaying group,” Buffy explained. “A lot kind of… happened, after you left,” she glanced at the unnamed guy, “This is Riley, my boyfriend.”

You smiled, “Nice to meet you.”

He smiled back, warmly, “Buffy’s told me a lot about you.”

“Guess she’ll have to catch me up then.”

Willow introduced the girl next to her as well, “This is my girlfriend, Tara, we met at a Wicca group in college.”

You felt a jolt of surprise rush through you, of course you were surprised about this new information, the last you knew was that Willow and Oz we’re together. You spoke welcomingly to Tara. You smiled at her, “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Buffy guided you to one of Giles’ couches, “We have a lot to catch you up on.”

“Well, share away. I have all day.”

Giles echoed from within the kitchen, “Tea, anyone?”

You said yes, and Buffy began her story starting with college and her psych class. You listened intently, but in the back of your mind you wondered… where was Spike?

***

You couldn’t believe it! You’d been back in Sunnydale one month… one month… and already you were facing the kinds of dilemmas you did when you lived right on top of the Hellmouth. You sure didn’t miss the odd demon attacks late at night or mystery monster insects disguised as teachers.

You walked briskly from the café, having just embarrassed yourself for the absolute last time today. You needed Giles’ help, and since the Magic Box was probably closed by now, you gathered that he must be home. You were sure he could help, if anyone could it was him and Buffy.

You spoke, conversed, like a natural, normal human being and then as soon as someone said something suggestive, a slight hint, something that would prod a little white lie or a thought to yourself, instead came out as the blunt, honest truth for them to hear entirely. No matter what. No matter how hard you tried to keep it in. And so far, it hasn’t really made you any friends…

You finally reached Giles’ house, and forgot about knocking on the door since he practically left it unlocked 24/7. You walked in, and you were only mildly surprised to see most of the gang lingering about, you came to a small realization that they would usually be here. Willow, Xander and Anya. Giles popped his head over the counter to see his new guest, and as he caught your eyes he stuttered, “Y-Y/N, w-what are you doing here?”

You barely noticed the nervous edge to his voice, “I came because I need your help. Desperately.” You sat on one of the couches immediately, ignoring Xander’s funny stare.

Giles came out of the kitchen, “Is that so?”

“I can’t stop telling the truth!”

He looked at you curiously, steaming cup of tea in one hand, “You… what?”

“No matter how hard I try to not tell the truth, I can’t! It’s exhausting, my body physically won’t let me!” you frowned, your voice growing serious, “You’ve got to help me Giles, the mailman asked me how I was this morning and I practically ended up telling him my whole life story. Not something I want to relive.”

Giles raised an eyebrow, glancing from your friends back to you, “Maybe we can sort this out later?”

“Sort what out, I don’t even understand what this is!?” You looked from Willow to Xander, to Anya to Giles and noticed something off; something odd. You couldn’t quite place it, but it was as if they felt restrained since you came, like they knew something about you that you didn’t, “What’s going on?”

Willow immediately spoke up, “Nothing is going on, we just…” but she didn’t seem to have much of a reason to explain their weird behavior.

You paused for a moment, trying to figure it out, but you couldn’t. So, you ignored their weirdness, “Look, fine, don’t tell me what’s going on. I just need your help. I need this… this curse off me. I can’t stand letting everyone know what I really think, it’s painful and tiresome.”

Giles smiled gently at this, “Alright, I’ll look through some books and see if we can work this out.”

“You don’t believe me,” you said, flatly, and fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“No, no…” he started and spluttered his words, “It’s not that. I just haven’t… seen any evidence of this…”

“Are you serious, Giles? You really need evidence, in Sunnydale?”

Anya suddenly eyed you suspiciously, “Okay then,” she glanced at Xander who seemed to be too amused by your unfortunate circumstances, “How many times have you thought about Xander in that way?” she challenged.

You went wide-eyed, already knowing that your mind has often wondered about things like that but of course you never really wanted to think any of it. You felt the words, the answer to her question, itching at your lips, begging to be released, “Don’t ask me that.”

Anya only narrowed her eyes at you and Xander suddenly seemed to be enjoying your pain even more. She threatened, “Tell me, now.”

It was no use, you couldn’t keep in the truth anymore and that was exactly what had been happening all day. You couldn’t lie or refuse to answer. You bit your cheek but finally succumbed to this curse, “Twice!” you yelled, exasperated. You hated that you had to say it, in front of everyone, too.

You glared over at Giles who had brought his cup of tea to his lips to hide his amusement, “You happy?”

“Fine,” he stated, after almost choking on his mouthful of tea. “I’ll see what I can do.”

You sighed, loudly, and refused to look Xander in the eyes. He, however, couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Or stop staring at you like a dumbfounded idiot.

Giles piped up, breaking the awkward silence that hung over the group, “Willow, maybe you could walk Y/N back to her dorm…”

But suddenly, before Willow could respond, the front door swung open, revealing Buffy. She walked in, tired and exhausted, and Riley followed closely behind. And somebody else.

Willow looked at you in a flash of panic, a deep and serious intensity to the colour in her eyes, and suddenly you saw a snippet of bleached, blond hair out of the corner of your eye. You glanced over to the other guy who walked in behind Riley and you saw the long, leather jacket. The silk, red dress shirt. Those damn blue eyes. You were stuck with nowhere to run or hide.

“Oh God…” You stood up from the couch in a hurry, suddenly realizing why everyone was in such a weird mood; why they had such a nervous edge. Your first instinct was to move, to run, escape but your feet wouldn’t budge from their spot.

Buffy went wide-eyed as she spotted you, and turned to distract Spike, so he wouldn’t see you, but he only moved past her, stepping around her into full view. He looked from Giles to Buffy, “What the bloody hell is wrong with—” He stopped speaking mid-sentence when he finally laid eyes on you.

You felt the oxygen suck out of the room entirely.

His eyes were big, dumbfounded, like he’d seen a ghost. Maybe he had, a ghost from his past come back to haunt him. You wanted to say something, all day you’d been saying something, even to complete strangers, but right now you couldn’t seem to find the words. Ironic.

“Y/N…”

“Spike,” you breathed.

He frowned, looking at you intensely, with those eyes… you thought you could forget about them; the way he used to look at you but, how could you? “I didn’t know you were back.” He glared at Buffy before returning his gaze to you again, “When did you…?”

“A… a month ago,” you couldn’t help but tell the truth, this damn curse, or whatever it was wouldn’t let you hide from the truth.

He blinked slowly, “A bloody month?”

“Yes.”

“And you…” he clenched his jaw, looking to the floor instead, muttering, “You didn’t think to swing by? Say hello?” His fists were balled at his sides like a frustrated child.

“I got caught up in… stuff. College, coming home, packing and moving… I didn’t know where you were.”  

He looked at you curiously and you found it hard to keep your eyes on him. He showed the same analytical gaze that he has given you a thousand times over. He knew, he must. “You’re telling the truth, aren’t you?”

“It’s all I can do.”

He frowned at this, and Xander noticed his confusion. He side stepped into Spike’s view momentarily, to your rescue, and said, “She’s been cursed to only tell the truth.”

Buffy cut in before Spike could continue talking, “Cursed to tell the truth? Like some kind of hex?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know. It started last night when I got back to my dorm. I thought I was just tired and didn’t care what I was saying, but it hasn’t stopped.”

“What were you doing before you got to your dorm?” she asked routinely, leaning against the table.

“I was on a date,” you saw Spike look away, but you couldn’t help but tell the truth, even if you didn’t want to.

“You think something happened on your date?”

You shrugged your shoulders again, “Maybe.” It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to you, why would some random curse you out of the decent number of teens and other college students that were there last night?

“The Bronze?”

You nodded your head, “The Bronze.”

“Well, I’ve got some free time on my hands. I’ll go check it out,” Buffy said, grabbing up her jacket, “Willow?”

Willow snapped out of her concern for you and nodded over at Buffy and followed her out the front door. Riley followed too, he seemed to follow Buffy wherever she went.

Spike pushed past the rest of your friends and came closer to you. You immediately felt the nerves creep up and thought about how you could just escape all of this by making a run for it somehow… but you knew that you would have to face Spike sooner or later, especially if he’s been helping out with the gang. Besides, even though it scared you completely, talking to Spike… seeing him again, it was something you once thought would never happen again.

Spike took another step closer until you were the closest you’d been since you came back. Since he left. The familiar smells of him suddenly reminded you of everything. Everything that had happened. His embraces, his kisses, everything you shared.

His voice was low and quiet, so the remaining others wouldn’t hear, “Did you get my letters?”

You looked down at your feet, hating this vulnerability, you wished you would just off-handedly reply with a lie, or something at least less than truthful, but you couldn’t, “Yes. I got them all.”

He just looked at you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to match his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said, quietly still, verging on a whisper. His eyes never left your face, you could feel his stare. His hand reached for yours, “I’m glad you’re back.”

You took your hand away, “I have to go, Spike. I should help Buffy.”

“Y/N, wait,” he pleaded, following you as you headed towards the front door, “Please, I just want to bloody talk to you. To see you. It’s been too long.”

You felt the tears prick at the edges of your eyes and you were reminded of the many times you cried over Spike for leaving, and all the emotions surged back at once, “Been too long,” you repeated back to him as you turned to face him again, “I wonder whose damn fault that was?”

He didn’t push any closer to you after he heard your words, and he didn’t look into your eyes either, instead, his voice came out softer, “I just…”

“You just? You just what, Spike? Wanted to see how I was doing after you broke my heart? Wanted to see if anything changed after I left? If I’ve changed?” You narrowed your eyes as he looked up, “Well, I have.” You twisted the doorknob and pulled open the front door, “And I’m not just going to let you walk right back into my life and hurt me again.” You left Giles’ house, heated with anger, and headed home, unable to pull yourself together. Whoever got you cursed like this will wish they never messed with you.

***

You sat on the edge of your bed, too energized to sleep. Buffy called earlier to ask where you went, and in an offhanded way you said something about feeling too overwhelmed and went home. Buffy said she didn’t find anything at all, no witches or warlocks. No one else had been experiencing the same thing as you. You sighed into the phone and decided to go there yourself tomorrow night. You hung up the phone feeling all sorts, but mostly pissed off.

You sighed, thinking about the day that went by. It couldn’t get any worse than this… right?

You heard a rattle against your bedroom glass-paned door, and when you turned to look at what was making the noise, you saw him.

You sighed again, louder and more abrupt. Guess you were wrong, it could get worse.

He opened your balcony door with ease, his hands remembering the lock, the familiarity of sneaking into your bedroom late at night all rushed back. It was only soon after his first visit to your bedroom that your dad decided he wanted to build you a balcony, you thought it ironic at the time because of Spike’s habit in climbing up it – like Romeo. Except undead and a desire for human blood.

You watched him as he tried to step through into your room, but the protection spell that Willow cast for you earlier this month seemed to have worked well, because he couldn’t step through the barrier. He looked up at you, pissed as all hell, clenching his jaw and balling his fists up like a child again.

“You bloody—” he stopped mid-sentence as he tried to calm himself, breathing heavily out through his nose, “How is this possible?”

“Willow,” you shrugged.

He screwed his mouth up out of frustration and leaned against the frame of the door, not being able to take a single step further. “This is ridiculous. And you know it.”

You crossed your arms over your chest after you stepped closer to the door, “Why are you here, Spike? Come to harass me some more?”

“I wasn’t trying to harass you.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I just,” he shook his head, “I just couldn’t let you walk off like that.”

“Like what? Like when you just walked off, right out of Sunnydale two years ago?” you spat back sourly.

“I told you I was sorry. I am sorry.” He sighed softly, and you saw the anger seep away from him slowly but surely, “Why are you back here anyway, why not go to your dorm room?”

“I feel safer here.”

He frowned, confused, and maybe hurt. “From me?”

But you didn’t answer straight away. It’s not that you were looking for safety from Spike, just space, time; time to think and time to try and understand what to do next about him. He was not just going to leave Sunnydale, you knew that, and you were not leaving any time soon. And deep down, even though you lashed out at him with every word you could, deep down you knew that if he left again you would just revert back to a sobbing, hopeless mess. You didn’t want that either.

You uncrossed your arms, “I just felt it easier to stay here tonight, at least until this curse is lifted, whatever it is. I always tell the truth around my family, so they don’t mind it, unlike everyone else.” Something you realized with this curse was that at least you could pick and choose which truths to tell –sometimes.

“Right,” he chuckled, “Your curse.” He suddenly remembered back to what you said, what Buffy said, and he tilted his head to the side, “You really went out on a date last night?”

“Yes.”

He blinked and pursed his lips, “Was it even any good?”

Your lips were pulled into a thin white line, hating having to answer his question, “No, it wasn’t, I don’t even know why I went through with it.”

His eyes widened as he blinked, his voice became less dry and sarcastic, “Really?”

“Really.”

Spike looked as if things might be okay between the two of you with the endearing tilt of his head and soft eyes. But just because you had to respond to his every question didn’t mean you were ready to befriend him again.

“Can you let me come in?” he tried and quickly kept talking to persuade your answer, “I just want to talk.”

You shook your head, “I can’t.”

He looked to his feet and accepted his defeat, “Why?”

“Because, Spike,” you said, exasperated. He looked up to you again as you spoke, “You could ask me anything.”

You saw his eyes stare pointedly, the cloud of confusion over your response slowly dissipated as he realized what you meant, “Your curse…” he mumbled to himself. He sighed and nodded as he readjusted his leather jacket, “You really won’t talk to me?”

You confirmed his question.

“Fine.” He nodded again, “Fine.” He slowly shut your balcony door, even though he clearly would rather do anything else than leave you, and as he swung his legs over the top of your balcony fence, he waved you goodbye; pissed and annoyed out of his mind with you, but still the polite vampire he’d always been, to you.

You waved him goodbye, too, and you were flooded with guilt and some kind of feeling that closely resembled loss as he jumped down from your balcony and disappeared into the thickness of the night.

***

The next night rolled by in a flash, and pretty soon you were on your way over to the Bronze to meet up with the others. Tonight had to be the night that you found the culprit. You couldn’t stand being so open with everyone all the time.  

You swung open the entry door on the side of the Bronze, in the alleyway commonly known for vamps to take their meals. When you walked in you felt the familiar atmosphere of booze and cigarettes, and the clanking of pool balls on cues, the soft rock playing in the background. You quickly spotted Buffy and Willow, and they waved you over once they realised you were there.

“Any luck?” you asked worriedly, but hopeful too. After having that outburst with Spike last night, and then the odd conversation on your balcony, you needed one less problem on your plate, it was starting to feel too crowded. And if anyone could clear this mystical curse from your mind, it was Buffy.

She shook her head, solemnly, “Not a thing. No one saw anything weird that night.”

“Or heard anything weird,” Willow added, a disappointed look crossing her face, “Giles got nothing?”

You sighed, “I kind of… stormed out. Spike and I had a bit of a confrontation.” You looked to the floor, ashamed, “I couldn’t help it, he pushed me over the edge and because I can’t just bottle it up now makes it ten times worse. I haven’t seen Giles since.”

Willow tilted her head, “Oh…” she paused, “You know… maybe it’s a good thing? You telling Spike the truth instead of avoiding it.”

Buffy half grinned, “Willow’s right, you know, keeping it bottled up inside like you said isn’t great, I would know.”

You sighed again, “I don’t know, I guess I just thought it would happen differently. Now it just feels forced out of me, I don’t like it.” You suddenly felt the irritation about everything that had been happening so far since your arrival in Sunnydale and decided that you needed to recuperate before trying to find anything more on this curse.

You headed on over towards the restroom, after Buffy mentioned that they’d keep a look out, but as you neared the them somebody grabbed ahold of your wrist from behind and pulled you underneath the staircase, in one swift movement. You met eyes with the blue-eyed vamp, and your heartbeat picked up speed immediately.  

You clenched your hands into fists, his hand still clasped around your wrist, “What do you want, Spike?”

“Just hear me out, alright?” He pulled you closer to him, and you smelled the smoke on his breath and maybe a hint of liquor, “I need to know…” he started, his eyes intense in colour but yearning for something else, “I just need to know why you didn’t answer me, when you were away.”

You blinked slowly, shaking your head as you twisted free from his grip, the realization hitting you all at once, “You… You’re asking me, because you know I have to answer truthfully? Right?” You glared at him, your breathing becoming shallower.

He swallowed, his gaze growing softer, “Yeah, well… Maybe this is an asshole move. But if you can only tell the truth… I just need to know.”

“This isn’t fair.”

He frowned, tensing his jaw, “Fair!?” he laughed, dry and humorless, his voice became mocking, and hurt, and he barely refrained from rolling his eyes at you, “Fair would be answering my letters, love.”

It was like he stabbed a knife into your gut, and twisted it further with these words, because you knew he was right. But you had your own reasons for not answering him, “I wasn’t ready to talk to you again, you left for a year without a word, how was I supposed to just let you back in? How am I supposed to now?” Your anger, it grew, you could feel it burn within you, but not at Spike, not really; at yourself, and at this damn curse for letting you become vulnerable and weak in front of him.

He took a step closer, not out to intimidate you because his eyes showed you that he cared, and his voice was softer, “I don’t know. But if you… if you want me again, wouldn’t that answer your question?”

You stared at him, almost dumbfounded that he would even say something like that. It didn’t matter if you wanted him back or not, what mattered was if he would even bother to stick around. “But how am I supposed to just trust that you don’t leave me again?”

His voice became firm, “I could never leave you, ever again.” His eyes gave affirmation to this indefinitely. He was so close to you that your back was pushed up against the wall; only centimeters away from you, and all you could think about was how he used to touch you. “Y/N, why didn’t you answer my letters?”

You knew you couldn’t keep silent forever. “Fine!” you said, exasperated, frustrated by this curse, fed up because you had to answer him no matter how hard you tried not to, and he knew it. “Because I was afraid,” you clenched your jaw, hating this, hating yourself.

He blinked, confused, “Afraid of what, love?” He acted as if he didn’t realise his slip up, the nickname, but you didn’t bother hiding your surprise.

“Of writing down how I really feel.”

He searched your eyes like he was trying to find the answer for himself. “How—”

“Spike,” you warned, knowing what he was going to ask next.

He paused, still looking into your eyes, and breathed out slowly, as if preparing himself, “How do you really feel?”

His words repeated in your mind, an echo of what Spike really wanted to know since the beginning. You tried to swallow back the oncoming tears, but they quickly began to well in your eyes, blurring his face. You wiped away your tears with your jacket sleeve as he tried to reach for you, but you only shook your head. “Too damn much, Spike.” You took a moment to breathe, hating the emotions you showed him so easily, “I missed you, I couldn’t eat or sleep for ages, I told everyone I was fine because you were just a vampire to them. Then I told them the truth, and I thought they would hate me. But they helped me move on from you.” You suddenly found his eyes again, finding the courage to look at him as you spoke, even if emotions clouded your voice, “I thought I moved on but when you sent those letters…” you wiped your eyes again, “God, I wanted to just come right back to Sunnydale and see you again.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice was full of emotion as well and his eyes were scared but in need for more, to know the truth. He wanted to touch you, you could feel it, but he didn’t because you wouldn’t let him. “Why would you want to come back to see me?” he asked it, but you knew he must have already known the answer. He must, he’d always known.

You shook your head, “Spike, please—”

“Why?”

Frustration leaked into your words, “Because for some whacked, unknown-to-me reason, I fucking love you! I love you, a fucking blood-sucking-undead vampire!” Angered and hurt that he had to rip out your feelings without your consent, you shoved him away from you, pushing him hard in the chest. He only stared back at you, dumbfounded, surprised, but maybe not so shocked as you thought. Your voice was ridden with tears and harsh with anger, anger that you’ve bottled up inside, “And I never wanted you to know.”

Spike tried to move closer to you again, “Y/N—”

“No,” you breathed, holding your hand out for him to stop, your chest heaving, “I’m done.” You couldn’t answer his questions anymore, you couldn’t even look at him. You just spilled everything, everything right to him, everything you thought and felt, and you couldn’t bear to see what he might say back. You left Spike under the stairs and tried to find Buffy and Willow but didn’t see them standing where they were standing before. You searched the crowds of people, the tables, until you finally spotted a flash of red hair disappearing out the side entry door that lead to the alleyway. You followed, and burst through the door angrily, still very well heated from your conversation with Spike.

You saw them talking… to a boy. The boy, from that night. Your date!

As you neared them you realized they seemed to be bickering, arguing about a truth curse, your curse. And finally, it all clicked. You treated him poorly that night, because you were guilty, because you thought of Spike the whole time but lied to this boy about the date going well, about being there for him. He must have seen right through your lies.

Suddenly, after everything that had been happening, it all welled up and spilled over the edges of the limits you could handle, and a fiery surge of rage moved your feet right over to them. “Seth!” you yelled, your eyes were ablaze and furious.

Seth went wide eyed as he saw you and stumbled back in fear of your angry voice.

You reached them in no time and grabbed Seth’s collar before shoving him hard against the wall behind him, “You goddamn piece of crap! What is wrong with you? So bored with your own mundane, tedious life that you have to meddle with mine? Take this damn curse off me before I pummel you so far into the wall that you end up inside the damn building!”

You felt Buffy and Willow’s worried stares, but you ignored their concern.

“I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Seth! I’ve had a miserable day, I wasn’t lying when I said that I would send you right through—”

“Okay, okay! Just please don’t hurt me!” Seth stuttered, “I –I… I lift this curse that once bound you, the truth is now inside you.”

You let him go, and he shakily pushed past you. You turned to Willow immediately, “Quick, ask me a question.”

“Uh… How old are you?”

“25,” you went wide-eyed with excitement, “Aha! I can lie again!”

Buffy stared after Seth, “You really didn’t need me around, did you...”

You sheepishly grinned, suddenly elated with your freedom, but before you could explain your outburst, Willow nudged you to turn around. You looked behind you and saw Spike, patiently waiting for you. Willow and Buffy, after leaving a comforting pat on your shoulder, walked back into the Bronze to give you and Spike some privacy.

“You really gave it to him good,” Spike said, amusement reflected in his eyes.

“Yeah, well,” you shrugged, “Guess I was pissed enough to tell him off.”

He looked to his feet, “My fault.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m a twat, aren’t I?”

You smiled, never being able to not be humored by his joking, “The biggest.”

He smirked in that way that he always had, and it just brought back more memories and feelings. “I really am sorry for leaving.”

You sighed and nodded your head.

He took a couple more steps closer to you, his eyes flickered to the door of the Bronze, “I should have had more balls.”

You frowned, a raised eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

He fingered his pocket for a cigarette, “When Buffy told me to piss right off out of town, I should have stood up to her and stayed here, for you. I was a coward.” He looked to his feet, “After Angelus and Dru… after everything, I don’t know. Buffy got rid of them, I couldn’t stay. But like I said,” he paused to look up at you again, “I shouldn’t have been such a coward.”

You took a step back from him, taking in a deep breath at this new information. It was like your insides twisted together, wound up tightly to never separate again. “Buffy told you to leave Sunnydale?”

He held the cigarette and lighter in hand but paused before lighting it, and held your eyes with matched confusion, “Yeah, didn’t she tell you? I helped her with Angel, which helped me because I didn’t wanna be around that psycho anymore and so… she told me to go.” He dropped his hands by his sides as he noticed your discomfort, “Are you alright?”

You shook your head, “I didn’t know any of this. I didn’t know you helped Buffy… I didn’t know she…” you were practically speechless. This… changed everything, almost. Spike still left but he was thrown out by none other than Buffy herself. You didn’t know what to make of that. You didn’t understand why she had never told you, especially after telling her that you were upset that Spike left.

“I never wanted to leave you behind,” he said calmly.

You tried to swallow back the tears that were rising, yet again, and you knew that Spike could see your emotions behind your eyes. “I never understood why you left Spike, I thought…” you blinked and dropped your eyes to the ground, “I thought you didn’t care. I thought I was just some little fling you had, just for fun, before you moved onto the next town. I…”

He suddenly rushed up to you, his hands cupped your face, you had to look at him in the eyes again. You saw his distress and heard it in his voice, a growl. “Don’t you dare think that, ever. I never wanted to leave you. I—”

You pushed back from him, his hands left your face, “I can’t…” You shook your head, “I thought your letters were just some weak attempt to get me back to Sunnydale for your own sick entertainment.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets, “I meant every word I wrote. Every single one.”

You laughed, emotionally, the tears came straight after. And when Spike began to near you again out of reflex, you saw him stop himself from coming any closer. Silence sat between you both for a moment, it passed more slowly than it did, to you. You briefly thought back to the letters, so much was said. Deep down you knew that it was impossible for him to be lying when he wrote those things. The way he wrote it was just too honest, something you never could be until yesterday. You thought back to his visit to Sunnydale, “Buffy told me when you came back to Sunnydale looking for Willow.”

“She did?” he asked, softly.

“Yeah.” You hugged yourself against the night air, “Guess she didn’t want me involved at all that night. So she didn’t tell me until afterward, until you had left again,” you sighed, “I was angry that she waited to tell me.”

“I’m glad she did,” he said quietly. “I was a mess.”

You laughed a little, “I would have been a mess too. I didn’t know you kidnapped Willow and Xander though, until I read it in your letter. Buffy just said that you wanted Willow’s help.”

He chuckled, “Right…” He sighed, kicking the gravel on the ground, “I somehow had it in my mind that Willow could use magic to reverse time.”

You smiled slightly, “You really thought she could?”

He shook his head, “Nah, course not. But I thought I would try. Plus, I was pretty drunk n’ desperate,” he shrugged his shoulders, his black coat crinkled, “I fucked it up so much with you, I just wanted to hope that I could change it somehow.”

You knew what that felt like. Even though he left, you wanted to somehow go back, change things. Maybe if you had been better, or maybe if you told Buffy and the others earlier about you and Spike… maybe he would have felt like he could belong. Or maybe if you just never made your way to that storeroom. “I remember you said in your letter that you saw me, that night.”

He nodded, “Yeah I did. You were walking home from school and I thought you were pretty stupid for walking alone that late. So, I followed, to make sure you were okay. I thought about going up to your balcony again or something, I thought about just going to see you, even if I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He held his arms closer to his chest, against the breeze, his leather jacket tightened around him, “Scared, I guess.” He sighed, “And you looked well. Looked good. I didn’t want to upset you. By then, I was pretty sober too, had the brains to not ruin everything even more.”

“I…” It was comforting to know now that you could tell the truth if you wanted to rather than have it squeezed out of you. Maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe it was because you’d grown used to spilling the beans. Maybe though, you wanted to just be honest, because it was Spike, someone you held dearly. Someone you’d probably always hold dearly. “I wish you would have,” you smiled, “But I understand about being scared, too.”

“Well, we’re here now. But we took our bloody time.” He shoved his hands back into his leather jacket pockets, suddenly becoming shy; hesitant. Time passed as he thought or contemplated, decided if he should even open his mouth. You could tell. God, you’d really known him so well, of course you could tell. “About what you said before…” his voice was still quiet, “You know I… Right?” he swallowed nervously, “You know I love you? Too?”

You nodded, “I know.”

He nodded back, “Right, good that, you know, I thought maybe… Well, I should have told you before you ran off like that. You told me how you felt and I sort of just stood there like a soddin’ idiot, I—”

“Spike?” The anger, it was there once, but you knew it had seeped away. You couldn’t stay mad at Spike. Not after everything. If honesty had taught you one thing, it was that the truth is difficult to digest. But it’s always from the heart. And you weren’t the only one honest tonight.

You walked closer to him, as your interruption ended his rambles, and when you were close enough to reach out to him, you did. You felt that he was real, after all this time, it almost shocked you all over again. He pulled you closer to him, and you embraced the once mysterious night-crawling vampire, now somebody so a part of your life, even after these past two years, that you could never even imagine a world without him.

He breathed into your neck as he held you even closer, his complete embrace engulfing you, “Yeah, love?”

You felt comforted by his arms around you, comforted by his embrace. “I don’t know I…” you pulled back as you stepped away, “I-I should get going on home.”

Spike nodded and once again shoved his hands back into his coat pockets, “Right, yeah. Busy day, you must be tired and all that.”

You said your goodbyes and didn’t bother to check if Willow and Buffy were still in the Bronze, instead you just headed back towards home by yourself. The odd twig snap or crunch of leaves, you knew it was Spike. It made you feel safe and you were thankful he accompanied you home, even if in the shadows.

Click here for part five

[cocoisbestgirl]

Fanfic I can’t think of  a name for pt 10

“Lynna, please I have to-”

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Lynna interrupted, “ I know about you and Alan. If you don’t agree to my terms I’ll-” 

Magda already began to walk away and she rolled her eyes.

“Hey! We’re not finished,” Lynna grabbed Magda’s arm and she whirled Magda around.

“Listen! This is important, Lynna we can talk later.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure we can. No. We’re talking right now!”

At this point, a small crowd began to form around the two girls. More so behind Magda. The nobles surrounding then whispered to Magda,

“Now’s your chance!”

“Show this little brat the Ellenstein spirit!”

“Put her in her place!”

They were all too happy to see Lynna in harm's way. Magda looked back at the crowd. Then back at Lynna.

‘That woman from the last night….no….it can’t be… Lynna would never go to the slums...’

“Lynna, I don’t have the time for this,” Magda didn’t make any clear expression at the green girl, she just turned around and began to walk away. That is what made the green lady see red.

“How dare you turn your back on me!”

Magda felt a hard tug on her hair, and she fell backward on right her back. She heard the seams of her dress ripping and snagging on her jewelry. She gasped and tried to regain the air that had been knocked out of her, Lynna was...strong...

“You are nothing but a slums girl! Stop trying to act like you’re different or special!” Lynna screamed as she kicked Magda as hard as she possibly could without aiming.

Magda let out a loud yelp as she felt the air being forced out of her lungs violently, and she saw Lynna going for another hit. Magda instinctively covered her face from another blow the first hurt bad enough. Only to find Lynna being tackled to the floor, by a familiar blur.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lynna laid in her small cell, awaiting her mother’s arrival. If she would even come in the first place. She looked down at the floor of her cell, water dripped from the cracked ceiling that clearly hasn’t been touched up in years.

Drip...Drip...Drip

The sounds near made Lynna go insane, it was the same repetitive drip...drip...drip. She had counted them at one point but gave that up after hitting triple digits. Her mascara had dripped down her face, whether it was because of her tears, or the water she would never know.

‘Why am I so stupid!? I knew that wouldn’t do anything good!’ Lynna yelled in her head.

The bottom of Lynna’s dress was soggy from the cold puddle that gathered beneath her feet. The only thing protecting Lynna from the cold was that dress she had on. It used to be a cream-like color, but now it was a light grey and stained with filth.

Lynna put her head in her hands and let out a little sob. 

‘Why can’t anything go right?’

‘Why am I like this….’

‘Why does everybody hate me so much? What did I do to them?’

Just as she was about to finish her thoughts, she heard a light clicking of heels. She recognized it...

“Mother!” Lynna ran to the door of her cell and held the bars.

A guard quietly escorted her mother to the cell where she was being held. Lynna’s happiness quickly turned to fear. She had a...to say the least a not-so-happy face put on. It was even scarier than Tilla’s normal angry. Lynna could tell she.was.furious. 

Tilla barely even looked angry. That was the scary part. She just looked down at Lynna. There was no emotion behind Tilla’s eyes. Only Lynna could see the anger and frustration in them. The guard was untrained, he would never have known...

“Mother, I-”

Tilla put her hand up, and like a well-trained dog Lynna shut her mouth and backed up from the cell door a few feet. She dare not speak.

Tilla sighed, “Lynna, I tried with you. I truly did.”

Lynna’s blood ran cold just at her mother’s voice alone, It was a true monotone. No emotion behind it. No strength to them in the slightest.  It was like words just falling out of a robot’s mouth. Even worse... It was combined with her stance. Tilla stood completely straight up without any curve to her back. Her arms were clutched together tightly, she barely moved not even a shiver from the cold. She kept her head up and looked down at the little girl.

“Mother, please let me explain. I didn’t mean to- I just- I just got so angry I promise this will be worth it!”

Tilla looked over at the guard, and he walked away from the two.

“Lynna, I tried so hard to make you a proper noblewoman,” Tilla began pacing back and forth as she spoke, “Yet, I failed. Every single time. I disciplined you, I gave you advice, for the Goddess’s sake I even gave you gifts for good behavior! Ugh, and I even hired that white-haired girl to punish you and even she left because even she hated being near you!”

Lynna remembered her childhood in a few agonizing flashbacks. She remembered Tilla’s version of ‘discipline’. It was more like torture. Lynna’s mouth opened to speak but nothing managed to come out except a small whimper for mercy.

She remembered Shana...she was kind yet Lynna had driven her away...

“Even as you sit rotting in a jail cell you cannot even have the respect to make eye contact with me!”

Lynna closed her eyes tightly in protest to her mother’s words. It may be her only way of protesting. 

“Hm… I don’t think you can be saved anymore. I can’t help you anymore. I won’t waste my time anymore. In the time I spent trying to make you a proper noblewoman I could have had a daughter that was actually worth anything.”

Tilla stopped pacing, “Yet, because of my husband I got stuck with a bastard. I got stuck with a mistake. I got stuck with you.”

“I didn’t ask to be a bastard…”  Lynna put her head down to the floor and looked at her shoes.

“Hm.. you spoke. Say it again to my face!”

“I never asked to be born a bastard!” tears gathered in Lynna’s eyes, and her heart began to race.

Tilla paused as she heard Lynna fight back. Her smug face turned into shock.

“Whatever, you act like that matters,” Tilla scoffed “ Maybe if you were just obedient, I may have actually cared about you. It’s too late for that now. You've assaulted one of the most popular nobles, not once, but twice now. This time you attacked her personally. There’s no excuse for you anymore. You’ve trampled the family’s reputation. Now they all see me as an unfit mother.”

“That’s because you are an unfit mother,” Lynna stood up in her cell and looked up at her mother.

Tilla didn’t respond she just smiled and tilted her head, “Now, you’re actually going to pay the consequences of your actions. I paid that very sweet guard a lot of gold to keep you here indefinitely. Or at least until I believe you deserve to leave. Anyway, I must be getting back to Gonzalo. He does love my company.”

Lynna grasped the bars of her cell, and fell to her knees with her hands covering her mouth. She could barely see through her tear-soaked eyes anyway….

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“Magda, this is the second time she’s attacked you!” Alan said as he pressed a bandage around Magda’s bruised eye.

“Alan, keep still. Please do not speak until her eye is wrapped,” Barris quickly grabbed some medical tape ,and snipped a piece off to put over Magda’s bandages.

“So, Mr. Barris, I’m not gonna go blind,right?”

“Miss Ellenstein, I hate to inform you that I don’t know.”

“W-what!?”

“You have about a 1% chance of going permanently blind in your right ,but vision loss is more likely and even that would only be around a 10% chance.”

“So… she’ll be okay right?” Alan said as he looked up at Magda’s pseudo-doctor. 

“Oh, she’ll be fine. Maybe some eye injuries but nothing severe. I suggest going to a real doctor though.”

“Ah! Barris you’ve helped me so much, how can I repay you?” Magda said as she smiled brightly at him.

“The presence of such a beautiful girl is more than enough.”

Alan looked at Barris for a few seconds. Barris either didn’t know Alan was looking at him ,or ignored it. Something in Alan’s mind told him that Barris knew. Even Magda was somewhat shocked by Barris's words. He never flirted. At least not that she had ever experienced. He was a Sakan after all.

“Miss Ellenstein, I would be honored if you’d be able to join me for tea tomorrow.” Barris grabbed Magda’s hand and smiled at her. He tilted his head slightly to the right.

“Ah! Mr. Barris with the bandages on my head I’m afraid I would embarrass you!” Magda had had these types of outing with Barris and they always bored her to death. More or less she was just looking for any type of excuse to not go.

“Being seen with an Ellenstein is one of the highest honors. You have made a very big impact on Finsel since your first ball. I would also very much enjoy it if you brought your sister along. She may not be the most traditional lady, but I do enjoy seeing her.”

“Ah! Of course, I’ll bring her!” Hearing that Felicity was invited made Magda feel better.

“Magda, I have to get back to guarding before anything else happens…” Alan stood up from his chair and headed towards the door. 

As he looked back at his love and Barris….he swore he saw Barris...smile? His stomach dropped instantly. Something didn’t feel right, about any of this. He had a feeling in his gut that maybe he should just arrest Barris….but that would be wrong. As much as Alan wanted to he knew that Barris was far too powerful for him to get away with arresting him.

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“Ah! Ivan, my man! How’s things going? It’s been a fat minute since we’ve talked.” Felicity walked her way over to Ivan, who was currently on break.

“Felicity, you do know-”

“Mag’ got ran over by Lynna again. Already spoke to Alan, she’s gonna be fine. Alan did seem kinda psyched out though.”

“That’s just kinda something he does, Fel”

“I know I know, trust me. Doesn’t help that he has the hots for my sister.”

“Ah?”

“Pfft! Yeah have you not noticed his lovey eyes whenever he sees Magda? His face lights up like a holiday tree! Kinda funny to be honest.”

“Oh, yeah. You know I used to know Magda when she lived in the slums?”

“Not surprising.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Magda knows everybody! I swear she can make friends with near anybody she wants. Gotta say it. I’m jealous.”

“I mean Magda is good and all but she’s no Felicity. There’s no other Felicity alive!”

“Thanks, Ivan. If I had a drink I’d toast to that. You know it almost feels like Magda is the Ellenstein now.”

“Well, she’s really popular gotta give her that.”

“I know this is gonna sound selfish, but I kinda wanna be an only child again. I get Magda’s scraps when it comes to attention now. They always ask about Magda! Magda! Magda! Why can’t it ever be Felicity? Sometimes my old friends, Melissa mainly, come up to me and talk just so they can get the news on Magda.”

“Don’t you hate Melissa?”

“Yeah, the point still stands though.”

“I uh...know how you feel there. My parents never really paid much attention to me. When I was little, my sister was the only one they really ever cared about. She got Piano lessons, vocal lessons. I got stuck with whatever I could get from eavesdropping on her studies.”

“Whoa, whoa I didn’t mean it like that. That’s different, Ivan.”

“Ah, what does it matter. I’ll get you a drink.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alan walked over to his bed and slipped under the covers. His mind still thinking of Magda and Barris. Those Sakans always did have a way with women. A seemingly magical gift from the Goddess to seduce any women that saw them.

A gift Alan was secretly very very jealous of. He had loved tons of times, yet nothing ever came of it. He had fallen for noblewomen, which never usually went anywhere. He fell in love with a farmer girl who was already taken. One of the better relationships he had ever had was with Gonzalo, they just weren’t right for each other. At one point he had even had his eyes set on Lynna...

Now the one person who he had managed to go somewhere with was being courted by a Sakan. Most people would consider that a death sentence for the chances of any relationship really, but it obliterated the chances of  Alan and Magda becoming official. A very popular noblewoman and a guard….

His mind wandered to her smile for only a few seconds, before moving on to Barris’s.

‘I’ve never seen him smile like that before, I don’t think I’ve ever seen in a smile at all.’

Alan looked over at his clock, 11 P.M… It was getting late. Alan still looked over at his door and waited for one of Magda’s visits… 

‘Maybe she’ll come in a few minutes, I’ll just wait for her. I’ll stay up.’

Alan swung his legs over the side of his bed and looked over at the door, then the clock, then the door, then the...

‘This.. isn’t going to work...is it? She won’t just magically show up if I wish for it.’

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Ah, Mr. Barris how has your day been? Thank you for waiting for me for so long. Mother thought my hair needed a few touches before seeing you.” Magda walked up to Barris, who was currently sitting down at a table with nice looking teacups and a teapot sitting on it.

“Oh...was Felicity not able to make it?” Barris’s smile dropped a bit in disappointment.

“Oh I apologize, she’s sick right now,” Hungover was a better word.

“Do you want me to check her out after we finish here?”

“I think it’s just allergies, summer did just start after all,” Magda chuckled a bit as she pulled out the chair across from Barris and sat down, “What type of tea is this?”

Barris poured some tea into Magda’s cup. Barris’s cup was already filled when Magda arrived. While it was basic courtesy to wait for somebody to arrive to start drinking the tea but it was also a basic courtesy to arrive on time so while a bit confused she understood. 

‘Shouldn’t the Barris know the rules? He’s usually pretty uptight about all the rules revolving courtesy….’

 She tried to hide her slight confusion she looked down at her cup. The tea was a light bluish-purple in color, a color Magda had never seen before. 

“Is it lavender?”

Barris looked up at Magda and nodded his head before drinking out of his own cup.

“It’s a new blend from Mandaria, it’s a mix of lavender, honeysuckle, and ginger. It’s quite popular with my sister.”

Magda flinched a bit as she managed some of the liquid down. Magda had tasted her fair bit of alcohol,teas,wines, and other beverages but even by her standards this tasted a bit off. It was sickly sweet that almost made her gag, but at least there was definitely some lavender, though. At least she could try to enjoy the taste of lavender. She looked up at Barris, who was smiling widely.

“Did you enjoy it?”

Magda’s vision blurred for a few seconds, and she grasped her teacup with all of her energy in order to not drop it. Magda’s heart raced as she looked Barris up and down. His eyes were evil inside, and were away deeper blue than they should be. Whoever this was looked exactly like Barris...

“You’re not Barris..” Magda stood up off of her chair, “What did you do to me?”

“Who do you think has been sending you the letters?”

[reidandwrite]

Professor Reid (Spencer Reid)

Overview - In which Spencer has his girlfriend guest lecture his class.

A/N: Requested! Sorry this is a little shorter than some of my others. Also, I was reading some of my other stories and there are some grammatical/spelling errors :( I apologize, I do most of my writing between 2am and 6am so by the time I finish I’m too tired to catch those mistakes!

*(Y/F/N) - your first name, (Y/L/N) - your last name

“I don’t know, should I stay with this white blouse or change into that other purple one I have? The one I wore to Tara’s birthday dinner?” I stare at myself in the mirror and inquire my boyfriend for help as he’s getting dressed for the day, as well. 

“(Y/N), you look perfect in that white one, I promise. Why are you stressing so hard about your outfit,” he chuckles as he fiddles with his tie. I turn around to see him tying it up crookedly. I giggle and walk up to him, untying the tie and starting it over again for him- straight, this time.

“Spence, I’m about to be in front of 50 college students staring at me. I want to look professional but not too uptight. Some of these young people nowadays are so judge-y,” I give a slight chuckle and shake my head as I finish off his tie. “You know how nervous I get in front of groups of people; hell, I get antsy when we have to deliver the profile to police stations.”

“You’ll do fine, there is no doubt in my mind about that,” he smiles before giving me a soft kiss on my forehead. “Thank you again for coming to guest lecture to my class today.”

“Well it seems you have enough confidence in me for the both of us.” I smile and walk over to the mirror to examine myself one last time. I’m wearing black slacks, black heels with red bottoms, and a white blouse with a v-neckline and long, belle sleeves. I can hear Spencer fumbling with something in the kitchen and assume he’s filling up our to-go coffee mugs. 

“Let’s get going babe, we don’t want to be late,” Spencer pops his head back into the bedroom. I nod and grab my coat and purse from the foot of the bed and follow Spencer to the front door of our apartment. 

                                                              * * *

I bounce my knee wildly as I sit in the passenger seat of Spencer’s car. After pulling into a parking spot right in front of a big, grey building, he turns off the car and turns to me. Without a word, he gives me a reassuring smile and places his hand on my knee, calming it from its previous hopping motion. I take a breath and nod my head before opening up the car door and lifting myself out. I sling my bag over my shoulder and follow Spencer to the entrance of the building in front of us.

We’re walking through the hall for only about 15 seconds before I hear a student give a warm, “Hi Doctor Reid!” A minute later, two more students give my boyfriend the same greeting. Spencer smiles and waves awkwardly in response as he continues walking quickly towards the lecture hall.

“Wow, someone is pretty popular,” I give a small smile and nudge him gently.

“No, I think it’s just because I’m a little younger than most of their other professors; they probably just feel more comfortable with me,” he shrugs slightly. I let out a vague giggle and follow him through the door and into the lecture hall. I see that most of the lecture hall seats are filled up and can’t help but notice that 75% of the students are girls. Together, we walk through the seats and to the front of the class and set our bags down on the large table.

“Good morning guys, as promised, today I brought along a fellow FBI Agent as a guest speaker. She’s a member of our team over at the BAU; best profiler on the team, as a matter of fact. She has a PhD in psychology and is actually given credit for coining many terms used widely in psychology today. Everyone please give a warm welcome to Supervisory Special Agent (Y/L/N).” Spencer gestures towards me with the brightest smile to which I step forward and wave.

“Hello students, as Dr. Reid said, I work with him and a few other agents at the Behavioral Analysis Unit over at the FBI. So just a little bit about myself: I’m 30 years old, graduated from Cornell, and had no idea I would be working in the FBI today. Long story short, I was a majoring in law, took a psych class, changed majors, got a doctorate in psychology, and applied to the academy the next year.” I pause for a second to take a quick glance Spencer’s way and see him smiling at me brightly. 

It takes a moment for Spencer to snap out of his loving gaze at me before he clears his throat and begins speaking again. “So we are going to pick up where we left off last time: stressors and triggers. A trigger is a sensory event experienced by an offender that precipitates subsequent behavior,” he says and looks my way, indicating it’s now my turn to start speaking again.

“Whereas a stressor is a longer-term pattern of behavior or circumstances which push a person into behaving differently than they normally would,” I begin speaking. 

“You might want, to be writing this down,” Spencer chimes in, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but everything Dr. (Y/L/N) says today will definitely be put on the final.” I look around and realize only a few of the students in the lecture hall actually have pens and notebooks or laptops out to take notes on.

“This is true,” I laugh. “In fact, I’m helping Dr. Reid create the final; so any questions on stressors and triggers are coming straight out of this lecture.” I make eye contact with a pretty brunette girl sitting the the front row, ogling at Spencer like he’s some sort of super-human specimen.

“Oh, I’m only auditing this class,” she says, not taking her eyes off Spencer once. I raise an eyebrow and turn to Spencer, noticing how confused he looks, as well.

“I-is anyone else auditing this class?” Spencer stutters and shoves his hands into his pockets. In response to is question, a majority of the girls raise their hands and giggle while making google-y eyes at him. I try to stifle my laughter but fail, a loud snort coming out instead. Before anyone can say anything else, my cell phone starts ringing. I hurry over to my bag and reach for my phone and see that I’m getting an incoming call from the one and only Penelope Garcia.

“Oh, um, excuse me guys, I have to take this.” I say quickly and turn around, facing the white board on the wall behind us as I hold the phone to my ear. “Hi Pen, what’s up?”

“Hello, you beautiful and brilliant girl. I know that you and your just as beautiful and brilliant boyfriend are lecturing your genius little hearts out to some college students today but, unfortunately, we have a case. And this one is a biggie,” she huffs out in one breath.

“Right now?” I ask quietly.

“Yes, Emily says wheels up as soon as you and boy wonder get here; we can brief you two on the jet,” she replies in an apologetic tone. 

“Alright then, Spencer and I can be there in 30 minutes with our go bags,” I check my watch before giving a quick goodbye and hanging up. I turn around to see Spencer and the rest of the class looking at me with quizzical expressions. “That, um, was Garcia. Urgent case. Wheels up in 30.” I start to pack up my items quickly as Spencer turns back around to face his students.

“Okay guys, so it looks like the BAU needs our help, so regrettably, (Y/F/N)- I mean, Dr. (Y/L/N) and I are going to have to get going. Please refer to the syllabus to see which chapters you need to read. Have a good week guys.” He turns to the table I’m standing at and grabs his bag before swinging it over his shoulder. 

Together, we walk through the aisle of the lecture hall seats and halfway through the aisle, Spencer comes to a sudden halt and turns to me. “Wait babe, do you have the keys? I don’t think I have them,” he states as he pats down his pockets. I hear small whispers followed by a hushed voice behind me say Did he just call her babe? I look into my bag and see the keys sitting in the little side pocket.

“Oh yeah, here,” I slide the keys out of my bag and into his hand. Instead of just grabbing the keys from me, though, he places his hand of top of the keys but interlocks his fingers with mine, leading me toward the door. We reach the door and before we exit, I take one final look back at the class to see a group of girls giving me a death glare. I sigh in hilarity and roll my eyes before walking out the door, hand in hand with Spencer.

                                                             * * *

Watching my boyfriend as he drives, I let out a small giggle and smile at him. “What are you smiling at over there?” Spencer raises and eyebrow and shoots me an amused look.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just kind of funny... I never thought in a million years that I’d end up with the hot professor,” I reply casually.

“W-what? What are you talking about?” Spencer’s voice shakes a bit and his cheeks turn the color of a ripe tomato.

“Oh come on, Spence! Those girls were gawking at you up there like you were some sort of Greek God,” I laugh harder the longer I speak, “I swear I saw that pretty brunette in the front drooling.”

“Those girls don’t have a crush on me, if that’s what you’re insinuating... they’re just... very interested in what I talk about, I’m an excellent professor,” he attempts to defend himself.

“Babe, it’s okay to admit that they have a crush on you. It was actually kind of funny to see a bunch of young girls stare at my boyfriend with huge heart eyes. You can’t help how terribly good looking you are,” I shoot him a grin. He chuckles faintly and sighs.

“You really think I’m the hot professor?” He turns to me with a self conscious look on his face.

“The hottest. But don’t get a big head from it. You better not leave me for one of those young, hot college girls,” I titter with a smirk and giggle.

“Oh, love, you needn’t worry about that. Unfortunately, you’re not getting rid of me that easy; sorry to say, but you’re stuck with me,” he grabs my hand and gives it a small squeeze followed by a soft kiss on the back of it.

[masterlist]

[trustinginthelight]

He’d told her he’d call her whenever he finally got back to his dorm. This late, though? Louis wondered whether she’d even still be awake. Eyes fixated on his laptop screen, he felt the anxious thump of his heart beating firmly inside his chest. It wasn’t gonna be like he’d was outright telling her now, so why was he so afraid? 

He was pretty relieved, that Marlon wasn’t there.  As much as he knew he’d be able to help his nerves, he didn’t want that in that moment. It felt right just to feel that fear for a while.

Skype was open on his screen, and his mother’s name already clicked on to show the past beginnings and ends of conversations. He had to stop putting this off. Otherwise, he knew that the thought of what if would continually pester him, all the way up until summer, if he didn’t end up trying ever again. ...Honestly, Louis wasn’t so sure he’d be able to wait that long, to at least get some semblance of an answer.

The plan wasn’t to out himself yet. That was about the last thing he needed in that moment. After such a great time with Aasim he really didn’t wanna have to spend his night crying in his arms on the off chance that his mother rejected him. Just that thought alone left his stomach sinking. But, he couldn’t let that show. 

Pressing his hands over his face briefly, he would try to rub away some of the tiredness from his eyes. He hoped to smack a bit more life to himself, hoping to appear perfectly fine. With that done, and everything properly set up, Louis finally pressed the anxiety inducing call button. Quickly, he put his earbuds in his ears after he realized he’d forgotten to put them in.

The familiar Skype rings made the tension grow for him. Made him fear the idea that she wasn’t going to answer. He wasn’t sure if he could psyche himself again any time soon to try this again. 

“C’mon, Mom. Pick up, pick up...”

Louis’s expression lit up as he heard the call pick up, and a soothed smile replaced his faked one once he saw the image of his mother.

“Hey, Ma--”

“Oh, Louis...” With graying hair and an imperfect smile that made him feel safe, the teenager couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief as he saw her. “Baby Lou-- you’re looking so well. I’ve missed you,”

“Missed you, too, Mama. Look, I-- ... sorry, I know. I’ve apologized like eighty times, but I’m sorry for sticking around here during Christmas. I just... I dunno. Last year here. I wanted to make sure the people that didn’t have anywhere to go were taken care of,”

That understanding smile. Laura Lynde appeared disappointed that this was being brought up again, but appeared patient nonetheless. 

“We’ll have many more Christmases to spend together. I’m happy that you’re so close with the kids there, that they mean so much to you. I get it. I know, it’s always stressful for you. Havin’ to see Raymond. So I understand. You don’t have a thing to worry about, sugar. The only one who was upset for a time was Lil. You know how she can get... but, she’s fine now. I think she’s forgotten all about it by now,”

“That’s a relief,” He let out a small chuckle, and vaguely wondered just how pissed his sister might’ve been that he hadn’t gone home.

For a time, their conversation continued casually. Louis was just savoring this warm contact with his mother. He really should’ve talked to her more. Perhaps it’d set both of their minds at ease if he put forth the effort. But, for now, he could still feel the pricking and prodding of the matter at hand trying to force itself to the heart of the conversation. Great. Just how in the hell was he supposed to ask her about something like this without it seeming forced. 

“How’re some of your friends doin’? Like Minerva, or Marlon-- Were the stuck around for the holidays?”

Bingo.

“Uh-- well, I do know that Minnie spent time with her family. Spent Christmas with--” He faltered, but was quick to try to recovered. “W-ith her girlfriend...” Louis cleared his throat, to try again. “She spent time with her family and girlfriend. For the holidays. Yeah,” Brown eyes stared at his mother’s face, searching for any hint of a reaction. 

Eyebrows did raise, and he immediately thought the worst.

“A girlfriend?” Oh God. Here it comes. “I thought the two of you would end up a pair. Didn’t think Minerva appeared to be the type,” ...Uh. Okay. Not the greatest thing to here, but it wasn’t inherently hateful. Just a big ignorant. Instead of letting the discomfort show, he allowed himself the chance to let out a short laugh.

“No! No, Min and I have never been like that. Pretty sure she’s known she was gay for like... ever,” 

“Oh, that’s too bad, sweet thing. I’m sure you’ll find that special girl. What about that Erin girl, or Clementine? You would talk about them all--”

“I don’t think either of them are really interested in me, Mom,” Louis snicked softly, trying to ease his own discomfort with little laughs. Nothing malicious. That was... that was definitely a step in the right direction. It had to have been. 

“Aw, baby. Like I said, I know you’ll find that special girl someday. Once you get out into the open world again, I’m sure you’ll find all sortsa people to meet,”

The conversation devolved from there, ones devoid of much meaning, or depth. Her reaction hadn’t been negative, but he couldn’t help but still fear the possibility. He would still smile, still laugh, still contribute. However, he was ready to wrap things super. Despite that, the conversation lasted enough 30-45 minutes before it was Laura who was cutting the call.

“I hate to cut this call short, sugar, but I do need to go to work in the morning. And I know for a fact you have school. So get ready for bed. Brush your teeth, get in your pajamas, lay in bed, and go to sleep,”  That had gotten a distinct roll of his eyes from straight in her direction. “Do not roll your eyes at me. We b--”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Mom, I know. I’m sorry. I’ll get ready for bed, all right?”

“Got your homework done?”

“Mmhmm,”

“Are you lying to me, Louis?”

“What? No,” 

“Louis Theod--”

“Ma, I’ve got it done!”

“Good. I’d really rather not hear about you failing a class from your teacher themselves. Again,”

“I know,”

“Oh, and one more thing,” Lou had been itching to turn things off. As nice as this had been, he didn’t want to think about his future anymore, and talking with his mom made it so difficult not to. “Please stop manipulating your father. If you dislike him so much, don’t contact him. I’d rather not be on the receiving end another time, hearing Raymond complain about you bothering him. ...There’s no need for it, Louis. You can avoid it if you just stop talking to him,”

He’d gone to her? God, was he a fucking kid? Whining all the down to his ex-wife to bitch about how their son was being mean to him. What the fuck ever.

“...Yeah. Whatever, ma,”

“I mean it, Louis,”

“I know, Mom. I’m almost 19. Seriously,”

“And yet you’re still antagonizing the people you hate like a little boy. You’d save yourself the heartache if you just left him alone,” He knew she was right. As much as he wanted to defend his actions, though, it was too risky. Saying too much would out himself to her, and he really desperately wanted nothing to do with that at that moment.

“...Right. Right, sorry. I’ll--...I’ll stop, all right?”

“I hate to say this, but I’ll believe it when I see it, Louis. ...You know I love you, sweetheart. This is just hurting you as much as it’s hurting him,”

“Yeah,” His voice came out dejected, annoyed. Typical mom argument. He’d get over it sooner or later, so it wasn’t worth getting too sour over. “Night, Mama,”

“Goodnight, my baby Lou. We’ll talk again soon,”