#and since i know that i should not be self-conscious when other people dress better and live more beautifully

[hoyatype]

it’s important to distinguish between want and need. i want lemaire earrings and a beautiful home and that seems to involve buying vitsoe shelving and a second noguchi lamp and if you want to get serious about it you have to live alone, as all my coworkers do, to realise your perfect aesthetic vision

but what i need is to work towards a creative life, not the trappings of one. it seems so incredibly glamorous to live in a home that looks like a modern house listing or a nowness video and it seems like surely the people inside such homes must have untrammelled access to some artistic impulse that washes over them freely, unlike me. but i know this is not how the world works and nothing that looks like doing the work actually is the work.

i am not very sure what i am writing towards but it feels exciting to have some project that emerges forth, obscurely but incandescently, when i have sat down to write over the last two days. so i shall keep on writing and i will be patient about trying to understand what might come out from all this.

[thetriplets3]

Hi I have a request! In Taylor's new song there's lyrics "in the world of boys, he's a gentleman" could you do something about matt or chris with it??

❝𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧❞

matt was the first person to show me what love looked like. i had only been in one relationship that lasted 5 months then he “got bored” and started seeing someone before he even broke up with me.

i had my fair share of blind dates my friends insisted on setting me up with but none of them left me feeling loved. i always felt like an afterthought on these dates. they walk in the restaurant and head to a table leaving me trailing behind like a lost puppy. they’d spend the whole night talking themselves and finding a way to make it about them barely letting me get a word in, and they’d always ask for separate bills. those were the better of the dates. some of them would text me all day telling me how excited they were to see me and as soon as it came time for our date i was met with radio silence. i sat at countless tables repeatedly telling the server “he should be here soon”. i was embarrassed to be in this situation, especially since it isn’t the first time it’s happened.

there were plenty of times guys showed they were really just boys.

the last date i was on the guy wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant, saying i deserved to be given the best treatment. that was a lie. i’d been waiting in this high end restaurant alone for nearly an hour waiting. all my texts to him asking where he was got left on read. i was feeling self conscious, suddenly aware of everyone giving me pitiful looks, i don’t belong here i stand out like a sore thumb and it’s very obvious i’ve been stood up. my phone buzzed, causing me to immediately pick up my phone hoping he’d finally texted me back. a sigh escapes my lips when i see it’s a text from nick checking in on me.

nick

sooo how’s mr fancy treating you??

me

he ain’t shit. i’ve been waiting for him for almost an hour i feel like an animal at the zoo being stared at this is fucking embarrassing

nick

wtfff that’s horrible i’m so sorry. men suck

me

correction boys suck

nick

i say give him 20 minutes, if he doesn’t show up by then, leave

✿

~third person pov~

what she didn’t know is that nick had mentioned her situation to his brothers and without hesitation, matt headed to his room and changed into nicer clothes. nick and chris weren’t shocked when they saw matt all dressed up and heading out the door without a word. they know their brother would do anything for that girl, which is why he told her to wait, knowing matt would be there in minutes.

she has been by their side since grade 4. her and matt have always been closer than she was with the other boys. they were the perfect pair, they were meant for each other, just too shy to say anything. they didn’t need to admit anything though, their feelings showed through their actions.

matt pulled up to the restaurant and quickly made his way in scanning the dimly lit room for her beautiful face. within seconds his eyes meet her heartbroken face. he practically sprinted towards her, out of breath and ready with a fake excuse as to why he’s late.

hearing heavy quick steps in her direction, the girl whips head up only to be met with the person she really wanted to show up. a smile replaces her frown as she gets up, shimmying the hem off her dress down, and meets matt’s open arms.

“i’m so sorry i’m late, chris hurt himself so i had to bring him to the hospital. i would have texted you but my phone died and i was too panicked to try and call you” he says loud enough for people around to hear, before pulling her chair back to let her sit and tucking it in before seating himself. “once they saw chris i left and came straight here. i really didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long. i’m sorry love” he says, eyes boring into hers with sincerity.

“that’s okay you’re here now. i’m glad you were there to help him” the girl said, playing along with his story.

after finally eating, he paid for their meals and led her to the exit of the building with a gentle hand on her lower back. before heading outside he took off his jacket and put it on the girl.

“it’s cold out” he softly started, before holding the door open for her as she walks out the door with a true smile and a growing blush on her cheeks.

“thank you matt you didn’t have to do that. i was perfectly okay with leaving and getting an uber” she said as she gave him a hug and placed a delicate kiss to his cheek.

“you might have been okay with doing that but i’m not. you don’t deserve to get stood up and you got all dolled up i’d be mad at myself if i didn’t come here and just let you sit there even longer looking all pretty with no one there to appreciate you. i’d do anything for you in a heart beat, you know that” he said before holding her warm face in his hands, his eyes searching hers for approval. with a subtle nod and a glimmer in her eyes he wastes no time placing a sweet and loving kiss to her lips.

✿

~reader’s pov~

it wasn’t long after that night when matt asked me to be his girlfriend. he makes sure to show me everyday what it’s like to truly be loved. it’s the little things; subtly switching sides with me if we���re about to pass a group of creepy men or drunk boys; he’ll reach his hand behind him if he’s in the middle of a conversation or busy with something to hold my hand, letting me know he hasn’t forgotten about me; he always has extras of things i use often with him either in his car, his room or his backpack he’s got it. if my hairs bothering me and i forgot a hair clip or hair tie, he’s got one clipped to his bag and a hair tie around his wrist. if i need lip balm he’s got about 3 with him at any point, and he gets a taste of the strawberry lip balm each kiss, he can’t complain; knowing how clumsy and spatially unaware i am, any time i bend down to get something his hand is right there to stop me from bumping my head on it. he’ll brush my hair and attempt to braid it which usually ends up with him just playing with my hair, knowing how relaxing i find it. he can read me like a book he knows me better than anyone else and he’s always one step ahead of me, going that extra mile.

he makes me feel seen like no one has done before. i am his never ending thought, never an afterthought, like every boy made me feel like i was. matt has shown me what it’s like to be loved, i don’t know why i put up with being treated poorly for so long.

he’s a gentleman in a world full of boys

(not the lyrics but close enough)

taglist:

@antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @abbie13sworld @strniolo @luvsturniolo

[amysubmits]

Loving your podcast (except the amount of “ums” used in every sentence ;) )! I shared it with my husband as we venture into our dd/ds journey. It’s very refreshing to hear a real couple and their real perspectives from fetish/kink POV’s. I know you’ve talked a lot about your DD and spanking fetish; but how did you actually start/come out to CD about these things? What was his initial reaction?

Sorry for the late reply, I was a bit triggered by your 'joke' about my overuse of "ums". I believe in at least one podcast episode I addressed how I am self-conscious about how I am not a graceful speaker and how it makes editing difficult because I am not a linear speaker or thinker. I lose my train of thought frequently, struggle to find words, etc. So, I do say 'um' excessively, it's way worse IRL than on the podcast as we edited the vast majority of them out. Not all can be removed as it would break the flow of conversation or whatever else. We tried to edit to make things a little more cohesive and easier to listen to. So, yeah, what I basically got from your message was 'this person finds you annoying even when your way of speaking is cleaned up more than 50%' and that's painful even though it's true, I wish you hadn't told me that as I can't really do anything about it, it's just part of how my ADHD or other neurodivergence works. I felt like I should respond to that portion as I'm working on using my voice to defending myself, being less of a people pleaser, accepting myself and having more self-compassion/respect, etc. But I don't want to dwell so, moving on to the far more enjoyable part of your ask!

I think I've shared how I 'came out' to CD at some point in the past but I don't recall what blog post(s) that would have been in. If I come across them later I'll try to reblog for you. It's now been about 10 years since I asked for DD, and I had told CD about my interest in spanking prior to that, though I don't really recall when that was. So, my memory is not super detailed at this point but I'll try to give a general idea.

As wild as this is, he playfully spanked me before we were officially dating. About a week before he'd ask me to be his girlfriend, we went to the grocery store to hang out because that's all that is open in our town after like 7pm so we'd just go walk around the store sometimes when we were friends. And this day I had attended a funeral and I was still wearing a dress but I had switched into some flip-flops so my feet would be more comfortable. And as we're walking around I decided to buy some chips, but the ones I wanted were on a higher shelf and I am short, so I stepped on one of the lower shelves to get myself high enough to reach the chips I wanted, but one of my flip-flops fell off and he grabbed it while I was still up on the shelf and used it to swat my butt. I think basically in response to seeing that he was open to that sort of play (literally meaning play, no sexual connotation) I started leaning into that sort of play fighting, play wrestling kinda rough housing stuff with him and I'd slap his ass to get him to retaliate. He'd always do this harder, so I'd fight back harder, and I think it was after we were officially dating, but it eventually advanced to him using my belt on me over my pants! But it was all very giggly and playful. In hindsight, this sort of play probably should have made it clear to both of us that we were playing with spanking as a kink but it was never overtly sexual so I had compartmentalized it as just, innocent play. Haha.

I'm REALLY guessing here, but I think we had probably been dating at least six months before I actually told him I was into spanking. He's always had an easier time being open and direct with conversations in general, but especially sexual ones, than I have been. So pretty early on he would try to ask me questions to get a better understanding of my sexual interests and what I liked, basically. I had a lot of shame and anxiety around my sexuality and my kinks and had no experience with being open about anything like that, I found myself sort of just getting awkward when he tried to get me to talk about things like that, and so he never pushed too hard. I knew that spanking was a meaningful part of my sexuality but I was so young and naive still that I thought this was like a one in a million type of kink to have. So for a while I thought it was so weird that I would just never be able to tell him or anyone as it was so 'freakish' in my mind. But as our relationship progressed and I felt safer and safer, it just felt less possible to keep it from him. So eventually I did. I don't remember exactly what I said, sorry. I know that when I spilled the beans, I said something like 'I hope you don't think I'm weird' or gross or a freak or something like that, idk exactly. But I know his response to me was essentially "What? no….that's hot!" which was SUCH a relief because I was so in love with him and it would have been devastating if he was judgemental of it. I believe he also said something to make me think that being into it wasn't nearly as weird (I guess what I really mean is rare) as I had believed it to be. At this time, I had not yet come across the idea of DD, so really all I shared was I was into spanking as that's basically all I knew.

After finding that out, he'd smack my butt while we were doing sexual things but I didn't really enjoy that much so that didn't last. A few years later I came across the idea of DD online and shared that with CD. He was curious but also had some concerns and a lot of questions. He didn't feel like I 'needed' rules and worried that giving me a rule would cause me to break that rule to get spanked which was a dynamic he didn't want to create. I didn't really have good answers to his questions, and I also was still deeply ashamed of these desires so it made it hard for me to have conversations about any of this. I'd even try to avoid saying the word 'spanking' out loud which was really confusing. In hindsight, I just clearly was not ready to engage with any of this stuff because I couldn't talk about it clearly enough to keep things safe. And I didn't realize that, but thankfully, he did. So for a while we'd occasionally talk about it but he'd raise the same questions that I didn't have good answers to and so I'd get awkward and embarrassed and end the conversation and it wouldn't be brought up again for a while. But over time we worked through some of the questions and concerns enough to feel comfortable giving it a try, except we couldn't think of any good rules at first. But then one day I lost my debit card again, which was a recurring problem for me, and it occurred to CD that it might make a good rule so he suggested it as our first rule and that's how we started.

And since then it's been a whole lot of communication and learning as we go, adapting regularly to insight we gain into ourselves and each other along the way. :)

[the-coolest-pharaoh]

(This post is constantly being updated; headcanons are in no particular order.)

TW: Mental health conditions and trauma

My Headcanons for Ahkmenrah

——

He is short and likes to wear his crown (not just because he is a pharaoh) to make him look taller

He’s been claustrophobic ever since he got trapped in his sarcophagus

Refuses to take his cape off around other people (besides Bahiti) due to his scars

He hated being treated better than everyone else; if he had it his way he would have made it so that Egypt treated him like a normal person rather than above everyone else and deserving more respect

He loved his people so much; he was always so kind and generous to them

He spent his entire reign trying to create equality in Egypt (banning slavery, providing more care to the poor, etc.)

He LOVES duckies (King Tut reference the real ones know what I mean)

He pulled a Princess Jasmine a lot and snuck out of the palace dressed like a commoner so that he could just be a person

Does not like to discuss his brother, but will if asked about him because he does not want to be rude

Can walk really well in high heels

He doesn’t believe that fashion has gender—but because of the time period he is from he feels like has to refrain from wearing women’s clothes

His love language is physical touch

He is very ~skittish~ and ~jumpy~

He is pretty shy and likes to observe people before he introduces himself

He’s pretty quiet (kind of canon actually)—both in how much he talks, his volume, and his overall being

He likes to spend most of his time in his tomb where it’s quiet, especially if he had just recently spent time with all of the museum because socialization tires him out

Due to having been sheltered in the palace most of his life and kept as innocent as possible by his parents, Ahk has a hard time grasping real world events and does not have the best social skills

Going off the last point, Ahk also feels like he can fix anything and everything that is bad because he was taught that he can, and when he can’t fix something he gets very uncomfortable and upset

Hates confrontation beyond logic

When he is upset with someone he becomes pretty sassy (again having to do with hating confrontation and also not having great social skills)

He loves loves loves animals and always has; if you take him to a zoo he will refuse to ever leave

He is the only one that the lions do not try and murder; they actually really love him

He’s naturally super graceful

He can do his eyeliner perfectly on his first try

His ears are pierced but all his earrings are in other museums :((

He is physically unable to swear change my mind

He is such a mama’s boy :((

There has always been some tension between him and his dad because of their differing views on how Ahk should rule (aka he has daddy issues)

He has separation anxiety, social anxiety, and epilepsy, also suffers from weak bones, though this issue in particular didn’t start until after he died.

He has OCD from being controlled his whole childhood having high expectations put on him, and he and his brother being compared.

He fidgets with his clothing as a coping mechanism when he’s stressed, anxious or scared.

He has a lil overbite and it’s so cute <3 he has always been a little self-conscious about it though because it slightly affects how he speaks (again kind of canon because Rami has an overbite so)

This boi wouldn’t (more like couldn’t) hurt a fly unless they hurt someone he cares about

He is bisexual

He LOVES 70s music and fashion

Ahk thinks the museum is his kingdom because let’s be honest it is

His birthday is what would now be September 14, 1105 B.C.E. though the Egyptians didn’t celebrate birthdays so he doesn’t make a big deal of it

He is a skilled hunter

He is very curious and interested in academia—he loves to read books and poetry and learn

He loves listening to music, he could dance with his headphones on for hours

Being called ‘dead’ is offensive to him, and probably the rest of the exhibits tbh

He loves all the “mom shows;” reality tv, cooking shows, home improvement shows. His most favorite show is the Kardashians because he relates to the toxic family drama <3

He has daddy issues (confirmed, actually)

His best friend is Sacagawea :)

My version of him died at the age of 24 (long explanation as to why)

[sapphirefallschronicles]

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Welcome to Sapphire Falls - chapter 6 ❜┊˚̥۪͙۪◌

Basketballer!Chris Evans x Abigail Syverson (plus size!ofc) & Farmer!Syverson x Livia Darmandi (Asian ofc)

Summary: Abigail and Livia have a girl's day.

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: none

The Advent Calendar (a.k.a. the masterlist)

I’m a few minutes early, so I wait for Livia in front of the cafe. Last night was quite something. While it was good to see everyone again, I’m still a bit confused because I had to face Chris. We both acted like nothing happened, but we both knew that wasn’t the case. 

I’ve changed a lot over the years, and while I wouldn’t address it eleven years ago, I’m seriously considering doing it in the next few days.

And then Livia. The thing with Livia is, is that while we look nothing alike, our personalities appear to resemble one another. Saying and thinking the same, it creeped people out sometimes, which we found funny. Our looks on the other hand, could not be more different. She is tiny and small, while I’m tall and big. I always felt a little self-conscious next to her, but she has never, ever, said anything vicious about it. 

‘I thought I was early,’ Livia says as she approaches me. She looks stunning as always wearing a black and white checkered coat, with a blush pink dress covered in flowers.

‘Well, you know farm life. It starts insanely early, and for my mood it’s better I leave as soon as possible,’ I smile. 

‘Then let’s get coffee. I know a chai latte always cheers you up. But you do need to tell me more about Honey Bee Farm, and what you are still doing there,’ Livia says. 

●・○・●・○・●

Reconnecting with just Livia, is easier opposed to when the guys are lurking too. I’ve been telling her all about the farm, while she talks about New York City. I do feel a stab of jealousy when I hear her talking about her apartment, looking out over the busy city. However, we’ve moved on from the basic things. We’re now talking and laughing about the juicy things. 

‘No, but lemme get this straight: you’ve been dating a guy named Ian?’ I ask Livia, as we’re both holding a cup of coffee. She told me in rapid speed about her ex-boyfriend.

Livia scrunches her nose. ‘Don’t even start. It’s hard enough his name is Ian, no need to put salt into the wounds.’

I bark out a laugh. ‘This is terrible.’

‘Well, who did you date? Let’s laugh about your ex-boyfriends.’

‘Oh, wow. You are wasting no time I see?’ I laugh. We start walking through the streets of Sapphire Falls, turning away from the busy main street, towards the fields and Sapphire Lake. ‘I dated here and there, but nothing worked out I guess.’

‘I need more details than that, Abigail.’

I sigh, knowing Livia, she would pry until she got answers, so I decide to take the easy road and tell her. ‘I dated this guy named Oliver, do you remember him? He is a year or two older than us, and went to our school as well,’ I start.

‘Oh, I know him. He had quite the questionable haircut back in the day, right?’

‘Mhm. Well, we met up with each other a couple of times, but always at his place. When I suggested going to a restaurant or cafe, he totally shut that down. Right there I made my own assumptions, and left. A man that doesn’t want to be seen with me in public is not a man I deserve.’

‘Amen to that. What an asshole! I swear, if we run into him, I’m gonna beat his ass,’ Livia says, the steam nearly coming out of her ears. 

‘I would love to see that,’ I laugh. Oliver is twice Livia’s size, so that should be interesting. I’m still betting my money on Livia though. 

‘And then there were a few other guys, but no one was ‘the one’ you know?’ I continue. ‘So here I am, still single and ready to mingle at thirty years old.’

‘You know who’s also single and ready to mingle?’ she asks. ‘Our NBA Chris.’

Of course Livia would say something like that. She’s a goddamn writer after all. But since our reunion was only yesterday, I still have a lot to process. I’m not ready to talk about that yet. ‘It’s nice to see him again,’ I say. ‘I hope he heals from his injury soon.’

She offers me a cocked eyebrow, totally knowing I’m dodging what she’s truly trying to say. ‘Hey Livia, why don’t you go stand over there so I can take a few pictures of you?’ Changing the subject it is. 

●・○・●・○・●

After I took a few pictures of Livia, and she took some of me, we continued our walk, reaching the forest next to Sapphire Lake. It was nice to have someone in town capable of taking pictures. I had tried teaching Sy, but gave up on that many years ago, accepting his mediocre skills and relying on great filters and cropping to make it appear decent. 

‘I’m sorry I missed the funeral,’ Livia suddenly says. ‘I really didn’t mean to.’

I simply nod. ‘I know.’ 

‘I should’ve kept in touch will you.’

‘It’s alright Livia, you had your reasons to leave, we understood. We followed your career, mom was your biggest fan. She always had Sy run to the store when you published a new book. He secretly got two copies every time, thinking me and mom didn’t know,’ I chuckle. 

Livia looks at me in shock. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah, it was quite endearing. He wanted his own copy, because he didn’t want to wait for mom to finish it.’ 

‘Did he ever read the books?’

‘I don’t know.’

Livia runs her fingers through her hair. ‘I missed you all,’ she then admits. 

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and we stay like that for a couple of seconds. Just looking over the lake. 

I missed you all too. 

●・○・●・○・●

Once I’m back at the farm, I am quick to find Sy as he’s organizing the logs. I lean against the doorpost and say: ‘It’s nice to have the gang all back.’

‘Sure.’

‘You… Missed them?’

‘Mhm.’

It is absolutely impossible to sometimes have a decent conversation with him. ‘She missed you, Sy.’

He doesn’t say a thing. Instead he stops organizing and looks to the side. ‘What about you?’ he asks. ‘Something on your mind?’

I don’t want to work on the farm anymore. I want to live my own life, not follow in mom’s footsteps. ‘No.’

‘You must’ve missed Chris,’ he then says. ‘It’s disgusting to see those pining looks.’

‘Likewise, asshole,’ I bite back. ‘It’s absolutely unbelievable to see the effect of Livia Darmandi on your life.’

He smirks. ‘Well, you better make up your mind about Chris.’ Instead of talking to him about it, I turn around and walk away. I could do it, I could just say to him I don’t want this life anymore, that I’m scared of getting hurt by Chris, but instead I take the high road. I don't want to hurt him even more.

●・○・●・○・●

●・○・●・○・●

●・○・●・○・●

[casspurrjoybell-32]

*Warning Adult Content*

FALLING INTO PLACE - Chapter 25

Alek

"Things are a lot quieter now, aren't they?" Lapu said from across the room, making me look away from the window to stare at him, we had his back turned to me and his focus was on the table in front of him.

We were both in the pack house's bonus room, it was mostly used for hunter meetings but it also somewhat doubled as Lapu's office.     

"They are," I agreed, looking away from him, we didn't need to specify what made the pack grounds quieter, we both knew what the other was thinking about.

Since Honon left the frequent yelling matches had stopped, Ahote and Aponi still weren't on good terms but they had stopped outright ignoring each other and could be in the same space and even exchange words without a fight breaking out. 

"I'm really happy that my brother has you, you know that, right?" Lapu said, making me look over at me, he had his body turned towards me now, a soft look was plastered on his face as his lips twitched in the slightest of smiles.

"Well, I didn't get that impression when we first met," my words drew a chuckle out of Lapu and I laughed too, remembering how protective he had been of his brother, then Lapu went back to looking through his files.

Everything in the pack was filed manually and it made me a bit puzzled, I understood that being away from the rest of the city would make internet connection spotty but I wondered why they didn't get regular desktop computers to type up documents.   

Shaking the thought out of my mind, I looked away, I was sitting on a bean bag close to the windows, the weather was a lot better now, the raining weeks had stopped and the grounds were dry and green with grass.

A smile crossed my lips when I noticed a child peep in through the window, they waved and hurried away when they noticed me staring.

I couldn't help wondering what Ahote was up to at the hour, a knock on the bonus room's door made Lapu and I look towards it. 

"Come in," Ahote's brother said, making the person at the door turn the knob and push the door open.

My eyes went wide and my chest tugged a little when Ahote slipped into the room, he smiled when he spotted me before turning his full attention to his brother.     

"You're both here, so I think this will be easier to do," he muttered, walking to the center of the room before hugging himself, he was in a sweater, something he's been wearing more often because he was starting to worry that people might be noticing, it was all in his head of course but it was cute to watch him fuss over his belly as he dressed up every morning.   

He closed his eyes for a bit, taking in a deep breath before looking over at me as if asking for my permission to do what he was about to do, I gulped, realizing what he was here for, he was going to tell Lapu about his pregnancy.

I suddenly felt self-conscious but a part of me was also excited and wanted this to happen, I nodded, pushing some stray strands out of my face.

Ahote smiled, looking away from me to turn his attention to his brother, his eyes didn't stay on him long, they cast their gaze to the wooden floor as Ahote rocked a bit from side to side, he was nervous too.     

"I'm pregnant," he said, looking up at his brother.

"It's Alek's," he quickly added, not trying to cause an upsetting confusion.   

 "Does Honon know?" Lapu managed to ask, making Ahote nod.     

"Is he planning to do anything to make things difficult? I swear to the spirits if he is..." 

"He's going to leave us alone," Ahote said, making Lapu paused and sighed in relief, he looked from his brother to me and I felt a wave of nervousness wash through me but it went away when he smiled and walked over to me, he reached out his hand and I took it, standing up before receiving a hug from him.   

"We really are brothers now," he muttered, letting out an excited chuckle as he pulled me at arm's length.

"This is the more reason you should get your bonding ceremony over with," he added, patting my shoulder before letting go of me and wandering to his brother, he smiled at the smaller man, giving him a side hug before asking if he could touch his stomach.     

"I'm going to be an uncle again," he chuckled, squatting so he was on eye level with Ahote's stomach.

"Have you told Aponi?" he asked, looking up at his brother, Ahote shook his head and Lapu let out a sigh, nodding.     

"I'll do it eventually. I just haven't completely forgiven her yet," he muttered just loud enough for me to catch.     

"What she did was wrong but she had your best interest at heart. She just wanted you to be happy," Lapu said.

"I'm sure if you showed her how happy you were now, she'd be happy for you too," he added with a little grin as he looked from me to his brother.

Ahote nodded.

"I'll think about it," was all he said before moving to sit across from me.

We talked to his brother for a while and we all turned to the door when it creaked open, Elan stared into the room at us and it took a while for the young boy to walk in, he made a beeline to me and my heart filled with warmth as he climbed into my lap.     

"Did you run away from Kara?" Ahote asked, pinching his son's cheek.     

"You're no longer a baby, you're going to have a sibling soon," Ahote mumbled and I held on to Elan as he stared at his father in confusion.

It didn't look like he knew what that entailed and it made me laugh in my head.   

Ahote and I left the bonus room soon after, we dropped Elan off at the kitchen and I had to calm him down and promise to let him play a game on my cell-phone before he hushed and let us leave.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked Ahote when we got into the room we were now sharing, his smile only widened as he walked over to the bed and sat on it, his smile widened as he touched his stomach, cradling it a bit as he made to adjust his sitting position.

He was a lot more careful with his movements these days and even though it wasn't showing you could tell that he was instinctively conscious about his stomach and body.     

"I don't know," Ahote said after a while.

"Everything's going well and I'm excited and a bit giddy about it I suppose."     

I raised a brow, closing the door behind me before walking over to sit beside him on the bed, the mattress sunk with my weight and Ahote giggled when I kissed up his neck and made funny 'muah' sounds.     

"Stop it," he mumbled, yet he leaned into me, I laughed, stopping the play before taking a hold of his chin and turning his face towards mine.

We stared at each other, blue eyes looking into brown ones, I could feel my face grow warm, looking at Ahote always made me a bit dumbstruck.

Pheromones aside, he was a good looking person and the sweet person behind the looks only made him more attractive, he turned his gaze away from me suddenly, pulling my hand away from his face.     

"My heart races so much when you look at me like that," he muttered, moving to hug his shoulders as a tiny smile played on his lips.

"It makes me a little afraid," he muttered and my mouth opened a bit as a feeling of concern rushed through me.     

"It's not a bad feeling," he assured me, shaking his head.

"It feels good... a little too good to be true, you know?" he muttered.

"I'm so happy and it scares me. I've prayed for this every day and I'm going to have it now and it's a bit scary," he continued to ramble.

I moved to hug him, pulling him into my chest as I kissed this temple repeatedly, I wanted to assure him that everything would be fine... that I loved him and would never leave him.     

"What if you do have a mate and they're just too far away for your wolf to sense them? What happens if you find them? Will this stop?" he went on and I could feel his body shake.

"Will I be selfish if I don't let them, have you?" he kept going pulling away from me.

"I'm not going to let you leave. I might die if my heart breaks again," he said in a serious tone, his voice low but his words sharp and flesh cutting.     

"I'm not going to leave you," I muttered, rubbing his cheek with the base of my thumb.

"I promise. I love you. I love your son..."     

"Your son," he said cutting me off, I stared at him and my eyes went wide with sudden confusion.     

"My son?" I muttered, frowning a bit as I watched Ahote busy his fingers by playing with his hair.     

"Elan's your son too," Ahote clarified, his voice was a bit low and it seemed as if he had just reflected on the gravity of his words.     

"Alright," I could only nod because my throat was clogged and my eyes wear burning from unshed tears of joy, he stayed like that for a bit, hugging each other and meditating in the fear of happiness that plagued us both.

[wondermentishere]

not posting this for an audience, but since this a public account… ***TW: EATING DISORDERS***

ive recently accepted that ive had an eating disorder all of my life… my earliest memories of getting ready for daycare wasnt healthy at all. the way i examined and processed my body… tweaked my clothing with the knowledge of how important being desirable was.. i remember learning what being skinny meant and looked like. at daycare, i mustve been like 6 years old. me with a group of girls a couple years older than me were evaluating how flat this one girl’s stomach was. from that moment on, i held my belly tight and flexed in public at all times, a mechanism i know ill carry for the rest of my life. i remember being in my room alone, up late watching cartoons on a weekend eating a big bag of hot cheetos. i stuffed myself so full, i vomited all over my little sister’s trundle trying to make it to the toilet in time. i remember being in the 3rd grade looking at my school pictures, loving how you could see my abs through my tight blue shirt. i remember in the 4th grade, my mom bought us subway and i finished my meal before anyone else even started on theirs. she looked at me puzzled, chuckled then called me a nerd. i cried… that was the beginning of her insulting me as a reflex. she felt bad and asked me if i wanted her to go back to the restaurant to get me more. i declined out of humiliation. back then it didnt matter to me how much i stuffed myself. i was such an active kid that even when i fell asleep with a swollen belly, i woke up so empty it hurt.

5th grade i started making close girl friends for the first time since preschool. they always straightened their hair and thought i should to. boys thought they were cute, but no one liked me in that way. i was the nerdy goofball that didnt know how to groom myself properly. white stuff around my overly poked out lips and boogers constantly in my nose. i made my own outfit for the toderick hall play i was starring as a munchkin in and remember looking down at my clothes and feeling ashamed at how much better the other kid’s costumes were. my mom noticed my demeanor change whenever we were walking up to the venue. she told me not to be self conscious. waiting in the dressing room with all the pretty white girls was the first time i noticed how uncomfortable i am looking at myself in the mirror with other people, specifically women are around me. im still like that to this day. sometimes i submit to exposure therapy and force myself to acknowledge my reflection while im washing my hands. i dont understand why it is so painful for me to do. i remember hugging this boy i had the biggest crush on goodbye the last day of school and he called me dirty and disgusting in front of other people, including my bestfriend, after i walked away. she proudly repeated it back to me later that day. i just felt numb. i didnt let it penetrate me emotionally but i did feel humiliated and annoyed.

i just felt ugly in the 6th grade. kids were mean about my natural hair, i didnt have boobs like the popular girls. i just wanted to fit in and started wearing bows (i never wore bows) and wearing 2 bras to give the illusion of a more developed chest. my deceptive behavior got noticed once in the locker room and my ex bestfriend laughed at recalling the exposure over a decade later (i admit it was pretty funny). whenever puberty started to hit in the 7th grade is when i really started obsessing over maintaining my thinness. i felt so lonely and finally could identify my emptiness watching interviews of sullen musicians i adored. i was looking through pictures from the year before with my mom and she made a comment how i “wasnt boney anymore” like i use to be. that bothered me. i wanted to be as skinny as michael jackson. i wanted a “dancer’s body”. i didnt want boobs. i wanted to wear deep v necks over the flattest chest. i wanted to be on stage.

7th grade i purposefully started skipping lunch. mainly cause for the first time, i finally had friends i could count on to eat with everyday. they rarely ate lunch. we didn’t even go to the lunchroom, we just chilled in the band room during that time. i never had money to eat at school anyway and the lunches my mom packed me were embarrassing to eat in front of everyone. she was kind of a health freak and smushed wheat pb&js in a brown plastic kroger bag always got turned up noses from my peers. ive been embarrassed to eat in front of other people since the subway incident in the 4th grade and the fact i never had anything “cool” to eat didnt help either. sometimes my mom would make me lunch and i would let it sit in my backpack for days. gross shit. my mom sold herbal life and sometimes watery shakes were the only “meal” i was interested in downing for the day. i got my first iphone and had a calorie tracker on it. i would workout hard after karate and step practice, making sure i was in a calorie deficit to set me up for success the next day. i use to love waking up and immediately going to the mirror to admire how skinny i was. i loved my abs.. but still i was never satisfied with my body. this behavior carried over until my 8th grade year.

i remember being weighed for the school’s “Pacer Test” and noting the defeat i felt going from 114 lbs as an 7th grader to 120 lbs. my curves were coming in, my boobs were developing. back in the 6th grade i would wear two bras cause i felt like an outcast, this year i purposely only wore sports bras that i had outgrown at an attempt to bind my chest. i remember taking a break in the bathroom with my friend at a football game we were cheering at. i thought she was paying attention to something else and stopped flexing my bloated stomach for just a moment. she noticed and call it out “oh you got a gut on you”. i immediately sucked it back in and didnt really acknowledge her comment out of embarrassment. sometimes when we would wear the same cheer shirt to school she would go around asking boys who wore it better. i really did not like that shit.

the cycle of binging and restricting was very prominent throughout all of highschool. i finally could scrap up enough money to get pizza and hot cheetos everyday. i didnt have friends to sit with though and felt humiliated sitting in the lunchroom alone or with other random outcasts i barely said a word to. i considered eating in the bathroom like the movies but determined it too gross. so i would scarf down my food and either sit in the library on twitter or search for queer books until lunchtime was over. sometimes i would hide out in the girl’s lockerroom. i was a student athlete and conditioned pretty hard everyday. i remember walking around in the gym after practice and my coach told me i “looked fit” haha. i went back home and told my mom and she agreed with a hint of resentment in her tone. i would body check my stomach routinely. i just didnt like how big my arms were. they were toned but not muscular. they looked fat to me. my armpits to this day dont have that sunken look ive always wanted. i kept my chest strapped down at all times, wearing the same sports bra over and over again.

in 11th grade, i changed highschools and went from the loner jock to the infamous theater kid. i started to care about social injustice alot and was becoming alot more informed. my mind was consistently on learning, making art, and being silly on the internet. alot of the kids were my peers in middle school and the popular girls wanted me in their circle. i felt insecure plus i didnt really like them. they were kinda mean and too self-absorbed & not very funny. i wanted them to like me though and texted them making fun of our classmates and teachers during class. we sat together at lunch… they didnt eat (they had eating disorders too) so i didnt either. they would hangout outside of school and drink together and would never invite me. that shit crushed me even though i didnt really want to drink or even be around them. i just always felt like no one would ever consider me a real friend. i kind of sabotaged our relationship by playing a mean prank on one of the girls who accidentally snapchatted me half nude pics of her meant for a boy she liked. i wasnt attracted to her, but screenshotted the pictures just to get a reaction out of her. i thought freaking her out would be funny since she begged me not to open the chat in the first place. i assured her and her bestfriend that i deleted the pics after and apologized profusely. idk what was wrong with me.

i was always the kid in hella extracurricular activities cause it 1. interested me 2. kept me out the house. i would go all day not having breakfast and maybe a bag of baked cheetos for lunch, rehearse for hours after school then walk miles back home to no dinner because my sisters werent ever considerate enough to leave some for me. my mom never made them either.

sza’s hair really inspired me in 2015. i experimented alot with crochet braids my junior year and took “sexy” pics for the first time on my cracked ipad sitting on my mom’s bathroom floor. i couldve sworn that was my cutest year but my yearbook picture came out so bad a boy who had a crush on me even said it was ugly. i forgot to retake it. embarrassing as fuck.

anyway, i just really detached from the world and my body end of senior through college. boobs strapped down, body checking, working out hard, binging on snacks. i remember looking at freshman pics of me sophomore year with my first girlfriend and she told me i looked like a fatass loser lol. yeah.. i “loved” someone who would talk to me that way. freshman 15 definitely hit hard and i went home winter break with a balloon face. did kickboxing with my mom, lost alot of weight, cut off my hair and went back to school in january with people telling i looked like “a model”. i was starting to get more comfortable with my queerness so was open to more masculine presentation especially since i was hundreds of miles away from my mom and my gf really liked studs. from then on ive been in a cycle of not caring, neglecting myself in the name of freedom, trying new looks and sometimes liking it, constantly cutting my hair due to anxiety and dysphoria, sometimes really caring and craving validation. being feminine just to fit in.

now im at a place where i just want to grow out my hair, work, and starve myself until im 30 pounds lighter tbh. i want to get lost in my head and latch onto my creativity. i want to abandon everyone i know. thats what i want to do and i will. maybe not the abandon part tho cause i actually love my friends. side note: im pretty sure my undiagnosed adhd is a big reason why i binge. cant wait to get treated for that cause trying to control the impulse without medication is torture. plus, i heard stimulants make you lose your appetite :P

[aveegrex]

ONE PIECE DATING HEADCANNONS

Monster trio + Smoker and Crocodile gn!reader, SFW cw: mentions of murder, mentions of blood (all metaphoric), PDA, jealousy

Sanji Vinsmoke:

At first he’s really incredulous, still shocked his feelings are mutual. So instead of his usual over the top antics, you get a smitten clumsy boyfriend who stumbles upon everything he does and says. 

“Bonjour appétit", “In this dress you look like a swamp, eh-... A SWAN! I MEANT A SWAN!!” - yeah, he’s a mess at first

In fact, he’s so anxious and nervous that the Strawhats suspect someone might have kidnapped him and they are sharing the deck with an imposter, because for a few weeks he undercooks, oversalts and burns every meal. You decide to step up and put an end to that chaos, sitting him down for a long reassuring talk. 

When he gets used to his new status as a taken man, it’s like watching a flower bloom: he’s confident, attentive, his strength grown tenfold. 

Expect a lot of touching. Kisses, hugs, cuddles: his head on your knees when you chat with Nami on the deck, his fingers interlaced with yours as you indulge in reading, his legs intertwined with yours as you both doze off at night. This boy has been touch starved for years and you’re the one to make up for all that hunger with. 

You’ll definitely be waking up to fresh flowers every morning, even in case the ship has been cruising for days without a speck of land in sight. Don’t ask him how he does that. There are secrets only to be shared between a gentleman and his fridge. 

He’ll be super inquisitive about EVERY detail of your daily routine. This precious baby needs to know everything, from the ways you do your hair to your toothpaste preferences and favorite islands in all the seas.

If you have dietary restrictions for whatever reason, throw those at him without hesitation. It’s no disadvantage, but a challenge to him. Lactose intolerance? Hell yeah, prepare your nipples, oats and almonds. Vegetarian? Eat up your steaming veggie stew. No garlic and onions? Fuck those, vampires are hot! 

Never misses a single important date or event. I personally hc him as someone who has a tiny notebook in his pocket at all times, so everything that matters is written down, ingrained in both his brain and paper. 

Zoro is grateful for your existence since now his quarrels with the cook die down way faster and cost him way less bruises and nerves than before. And he gets to nap longer. 

Which leads to an unexpected outcome: on yours and Sanji’s dates and outings you never get interrupted because the mosshead is secretly guarding your calamity from afar, keeping all possible troubles at bay. 

On a sadder note: I believe Sanji is a rather self-conscious guy around those he loves and values the most. So it’s hard for him to stand his ground and state his boundaries, since he’s scared of being “too much trouble for you” or “scaring you away”. You gotta be patient and weave the truth out of him. It does get better the longer you are together, but at first you should be on guard for the little tell-tales of his discomfort. 

His jealousy is not obvious, but it is there. It stems from the same fear of losing you, so you gotta be the one to initiate the talk in this regard too. Since his adoration and love are pure, and his respect to you is immense, it doesn’t take much explanation convincing that when you’re making Zoro laugh or talking to some other man you still love him and him only. 

His flirtiness towards other people dies down a lot when you start dating. He doesn’t turn into a stone-cold robot, of course, still treating women gallantly, but his heart eyes are for you only now. 

Most thoughtful gifts ever. He has a special compartment in his brain dedicated to information about you, and his imagination never runs empty on how to make you smile and kiss him in excitement. 

Overall score: absolute husband material. Even though he does have flaws, he’s open to growth and listens carefully when you express your discontent with something. 

Please treat this baby with patience and care, and don’t abuse his love. He deserves the world. 

Roronoa Zoro: 

It might seem like Mr Bushido doesn’t undergo any behavioral changes when you two start dating. It might seem so. He does though. 

He’s now more careful with his words, which only you, Nami and Usopp pick up on at first. He’s well aware he can be brash and rough around the edges, so even though he’s simply trying his best to be better for you, he perceives being more attentive to other people’s feelings as a way to train this new trait. Wrong route - correct destination. Whatever works, works. 

Since you prefer to take your naps on the actual bed and not just shove your body in the corner on the deck, he now does the same thing. Zoro is happy since he gets to sleep with you. You’re happy since he’s treating his body with more care. Chopper is happy since Zoro doesn’t get colds and sore back anymore. Win-win-win situation. 

Trains even more. He views himself as your main protector, and although he knows you can stand your ground just fine, he would never forgive himself if something happened to you. 

Might forget important dates and details, but does make up for that. It’s not for the lack of attention, but more so of his usual unawareness of temporal and geographical context.  

Absolute shit at giving gifts though. He’s not very materialistic, opting for asceticism in his belongings, and he subconsciously transfers the same thought process onto other people. If you need something, it’s better for you to get the thing yourself. If it’s not a necessity, why even buy it? 

Eventually (with Nami’s help, Sanji’s patience ran thin here) gets the concept of cute little nothings like flowers, candy and trinkets, but still opts for things of use. Lost a hairband - he’ll buy you the prettiest one. Need a clothing article - let’s go shopping. Your weapon broke down? He’s already at the blacksmith’s with the remains. 

He’s not a very touchy person, and absolutely not into PDA. All the signs of affection are happening in private, please and thank you. 

Being a pirate with a huge bounty over his head, he’s careful not to show his infatuation with you, since he doesn’t want his enemies to use you as a way to get to him. 

But being a loner, he surprises you with propositions to do things together all the time. Training, eating, hunting, picking up food and utilities for the trip - you name it. You’re doing it together. 

Even the crew doesn’t know you’re dating for the first couple of months. Luffy was just looking for Zoro once and barged in on two of you making out, quick to announce his discovery in his booming voice. Saving Luffy’s ass from drowning became Usopp’s responsibility for the next few weeks, your boyfriend just watching the captain sink with bloody revenge in his eyes. 

His jealousy is more of a “protect the territory” type. He sees outsiders as danger, and is quick to assume the worst intentions. Deep-rooted issue which he dutifully works on with your help. 

He spent most of his life alone, relying on no one and needing no one. Joining a crew was a huge step for him, and opening the deepest bottoms of his heart and soul to you is even bigger. He’ll be cautious, awkward at times, rough around the edges, but if he ever hurts you he’ll make it his life mission to make up for that and to never repeat the same mistake again. 

In the world where he’s not bound to any land, floating in chase of his dream around, you’re his little anchor that reminds him how precious here and now can be. 

Captain Smoker:

Absolutely horrified at the thought of doing something wrong and letting you get too close at first. 

Does eventually find great comfort in you, making it his priority to be as open about his feelings and hesitations as possible. 

Not very much into PDA, he has a reputation to uphold and begs you to understand that the “White chase Smoker” should stay a bloodhound with a foaming mouth to every single pirate out there. Bloodhounds don’t hold hands with beautiful angels like you. Please. PLEASE. 

Allows the crew to see how he kisses you hello and goodbye. Those fuckers should treat you like royalty and serve you tea the second you’re around. If anyone dares to look at you the wrong way, he’ll growl and bark till they piss their pants. 

Luffy knows about you. 

When in private, melts under your touch and looks at you with bloodpuppy eyes. He worships the ground you walk on, kisses your hands when you’re in his lap, nuzzles his face into your neck. The setting of his job is rough and brutal, cold and has no space for intimacy and love. Smoker gets every ounce of those he can from you. 

Let him vent to you about the higher-ups. There might be a lot of swearing, but after he’s done for the day, he’ll hug you tight and mumble sweet nothings into your chest. 

Might easily miss the important dates due to his line of work. Buys you a small snailphone and calls you the second he’s free to talk if he’s away on the job. If someone dares to disturb the call, they risk getting murdered, dried into thin paper and used as a filler for his cigars. 

The one to call you his husband or his wife the week after you start dating. 

Tashigi is now getting her degree as a marriage counselor by the way. Make sure to remind him to cut her a little slack from time to time, the poor girl was not expecting this when submitting her job application. 

He struggles with loving words or elaborate gifts and surprises, but when those happen, they stun you for life. 

To your surprise, not a jealous type. He’s confident in his partner and knows that you both value trust and loyalty in a relationship. Even if someone advances you romantically, Smoker won’t interfere, just watching from afar amused as you kindly reject. 

Sir Crocodile:

Big thick daddy 3000 gives no shit about someone finding out he has a significant other. He’s a fucking warlord, wealthy and powerful man, and it’s his whole damn right to parade you and show you off to everyone around. You’re his prized possession, his love, his one and only. 

In fact, he shows you off so openly many people find it straight up obscene and indecent. He has you on his lap in all his meetings, his huge hand resting on your hip or even on your ass. When he wants to highlight how little he thinks of his collocutors, he’ll purposefully feed you berries and fruit from his hand, not even looking at the person speaking, but listening intently. He does it so openly that it’s them who get flustered and embarrassed. 

Huge sugar daddy energy. He earned his wealth, he can allow himself to splurge on whatever it is you want. Clothes? He’ll have a separate warehouse built for your wardrobe. Jewelry? Baroque works get overtime to find the rarest pieces. You want to visit some new restaurant? It’s closed for other customers for the whole evening. And don’t even think of getting out of bed with him if you want to eat something, just snap your fingers and everything will be brought to you on a silver platter. 

If he misses an important date, no he doesn’t. He’ll only care about remembering your birthday though, other things like anniversaries and whatnot being moved around to fit his schedule. Sorry not sorry. 

Takes you with him on every trip. His big ass ship is a fortress, and is fit to accommodate any of your needs and desires. 

Does like venting into your neck about his day, please listen to him mumble and whine, it’s a rare sight. 

Is very rare to get vulnerable with you, but when he does you know it’s his earnest feelings and emotions being shown to you. Make sure to cup his face and look him in the eyes when he’s in that state, and he’ll go above and beyond to never lose you. 

The realization that he loves you dawns on him when he takes off his hook before joining you in bed. He never cared for such consideration before, but with you he just does it on autopilot. He then later extends the “no weapon” rule to any situations where he’s in your presence. 

It’s hard to make him jealous though. Like really really hard. What did you think, he’s a mature weathered man with a bottomless bank account, confident in himself and in your infatuation with him. So no, whatever advances someone might try on you won’t ever make his heart sting. 

Overall, being in a relationship with Sir Crocodile gives you a very clear sense of stability and security. He’s a lifetime partner. You two are mates for life. 

Monkey D. Luffy: 

He hasn’t changed a bit since you started dating. Well, of course some habits come and go, some new rules and skills are learnt, but overall Luffy stays the same old Luffy. 

He just announced it to the Strawhats one morning, casually chewing on Sanji’s artwork. “We’re together now. We love each other. Is Zoro still asleep?”. And that was it. You do in fact feel like you’ve always dated, because it feels only natural to have him wrapped around you at night, to have him holding your hand, to have him kissing you in the night. 

Spends a little more time with you, but since he always liked your company, it doesn’t feel like a change. Although again, if he’s off to do something stupid, he forgets about everyone, including you. That is something to work on, and he’s trying. 

Absolutely no jealousy. Like none, what’s that? When you’re chatting away with someone and Nami asks if he’s jealous, Luffy’s like “Huh? Why? We’re together, remember? ”. 

Doesn’t understand what PDA is because if he feels like kissing you, he’ll do that right away. What do you mean there are people around? They probably kiss too from time to time. 

Might easily say something stupid and hurt you. Needs a lot of explanation on why that was hurtful, but even if he fails to get it, he knows that “if it hurts it’s no go”. So just tell him it was not a nice thing to say and he won’t do that again. Baby’s clueless to social subtones. 

Also might easily forget the important date. Again, he’s really not aware of his surroundings, and that includes date, time, location. The guy fell asleep when chasing Crocodile and has thrown Zoro off the ship accidentally more times than anyone can count. He just is not aware. So in this regard, please tell him right in the morning that it’s actually your birthday or anniversary, and he’ll bring you the most unexpected and heartfelt present ever. 

Have beef jerky on you at all times and you’ll be best at finding him when he’s lost. 

Relationship with Luffy is a journey, an adventure, You’re in for a good time and you live today. Tomorrows mostly don’t exist. Carpe diem. 

He loves you with all his heart and soul. If something happens to you, the world is over. Everyone’s fucked. Villain Luffy arc ensues. 

MDNI, reblogs and comments are welcome, wish everyone finds their love

© 2022 AVEEGREX, all rights reserved. reposting and copying my works without my consent is forbidden.

[erin-bo-berin]

I would love it to be with obscenity! maybe with what you mentioned that he jokes that they're some pillows and has an obscene ending with him paying special attention to her boobs, thanks for answering <3

Oh man this is gonna be fun to write cause I swear he’s a kid in a candy store when it comes to boobs. I’m a hundred percent sure he’s told Robin at some point that they’re magical LMAO

Boobies

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Smut (at the end)

You’d spent time when you were much younger, very self conscious of your bigger boobs.

You were the first of your friends to start developing them and it was a constant amazement to your friends. At the time, you’d been a proud middle schooler, pleased to have been one of the firsts to start puberty.

As middle school went on though, they didn’t seem to stop growing. You remember 12 year old you actually researching if there was a food you could eat to make them stop growing.

Now, a few years out from high school and you’d learned to appreciate them much more. They might be annoying sometimes, but they were a part of you. During real good times, they made you feel sexy, empowered. You owned them, you didn’t let them own you like you’d once did.

But what truly made the difference was your boyfriend Steve.

Not that you needed any self assurance from a man, but he knew how to appreciate your body so much that it made you appreciate it as well. He was definitely a boob guy and he showed his appreciation for them often. But it wasn’t always sexual.

Although, it could be.

It came in small compliments and inside jokes between you two.

“Your boobs like great in that top babe,” he’d comment casually, just out of the blue, on a common Tuesday.

Never anything sexual behind the comment, just a genuine compliment.

“You should wear that dress because it makes your boobies look wonderful,” would be another thing he’d say, if you had trouble picking an outfit.

He was just simply stating a fact in his loving, Steve-like way.

Other times he’d tease you, things that stayed between you two and kind of became inside jokes.

One time after being intimate, he was just fondling one of your breasts, innocently.

“You know you have great stripper tits,” he’d said with the straightest face ever.

You’d launched into hysterics. It was such a typical Steve thing to say and the fact it wasn’t meant in a crude way, just made it even better. His laughs soon joined yours as he claimed he was serious.

For a while after, cracks about your “stripper tits” would make you wheeze, every time he brought it up.

He also loved to use your chest as a pillow, joking that they were the best pillows ever.

“They’re so comfy,” he whined once, when you tried to push his head away to get up.

He’d lay his head against them, content to stay there as long as you ran your fingers through his hair, playing with it.

For all his innocence, he really did enjoy them when you became intimate. In fact, it was probably his favorite part of your body—which was saying a lot since he loved your body.

He paid special attention to them, cupping them, massaging them in his rough palms. He teased and licked every spot he physically could.

He also loved leaving hickeys all over them, even high enough to be shown above the neckline of your shirt.

“Just to make sure people know these are all mine to enjoy,” he smirked against your skin.

It drove him absolutely crazy to see you laid out, bare chested, big boobs covered in his love bites. It made him harder than a rock.

His tongue circles your nipple before sucking the hardened nub into his mouth. His tongue flicking against it, he grinned against your skin at your moans.

When his mouth isn’t occupied with one, his hand is paying attention to the other. Kneading it roughly, pulling at your nipple between fingertips and rolling it between his fingers, sure to give you the maximum amount of pleasure.

When he pulls his mouth away from one breast, he’s sure to not leave the other unattended. The cool air hits your nipple, making you shiver from where his spit has moistened your skin. His lips are red from sucking, but he’s definitely eager to play with the other one.

He does, taking his time as he flicks your nipple teasingly. When he pulls it into his mouth, he’s met with you sweet moans in his ears.

He absolutely loves your large boobs. In more ways than just one.

And he certainly could stay in this position forever, if you were to let him.

[cassandraclare]

The Whispering Room: James’ POV

Here it is finally — James’ POV of the Whispering Room scene from Chain of Gold. I wanted to wait until Chain of Iron was released to give more people a chance to read the book, and also because what we learn in COI does inform the scene. I hope you enjoy!

*art by Cassandra Jean

Cortana wove with her words, underlining each one with steel. She turned as her sword turned, and her body curved and moved like water or fire, like a river under an infinity of stars. It was beautiful—she was beautiful, but it was not a distant beauty. It was a beauty that lived and breathed and reached out with its hands to crush James’s chest and make him breathless. — Chain of Gold

James had felt a strange emotion when Daisy first took the stage at the Hell Ruelle. It was a mix of several feelings...

worry on her behalf, annoyance at Kellington, curiosity, and admiration for her bravery and poise. It was unfair of these Bohemians to force her to caper for them, and, he thought, a bit insulting to Shadowhunters in general. He supposed that Matthew had given them a rather unusual view of what the Nephilim were like in such circumstances.

And then she had begun to dance. And suddenly she was not Daisy, his old friend. She was Cordelia, whose name meant heart, whose every gesture was fire. Every earthly worry he’d had had been swept out of his mind. He was conscious only of Cordelia, whirling back and forth across the small stage. Cortana danced around her, shedding light like embers. The dull glow of the lamps illuminated her body, describing her every movement, her every curve as she danced. Her scarlet hair whipped around her in time to the music, and the golden light of the lamps in the Ruelle slipped across her skin, slow and hot, like beads of honey. The cadences of her voice, rising and falling, seemed to weave a cage of silken thread about her audience, and James was no exception.

Later, James would think it was odd that he had not compared her to Grace. Grace had never entered his mind at all. Cordelia danced, and by the end of her performance, James’s entire life had been disassembled and put back together in a new and different shape. He was conscious of Matthew, beside him, also staring as the crowd cheered, his sharp cheekbones flushed. He looked dazed; James couldn’t blame him.

Cordelia descended the stage and slipped through the crowd to come back to them, blushing at the looks and murmured comments she was drawing from the audience now. James could see the desire in the eyes that followed her. Everyone wanted her. He felt a dull fury. They had no right. They did not know Cordelia. She was more than just that dance.

When she reached them she let out a long breath of relief and smiled. She glowed with the exercise of dancing. Sweat beaded along her collarbones, shimmered between her breasts. Her eyes were bright as Cortana’s blade, strapped to her back.

“Bloody hell,” Matthew exclaimed.  “What was that?”

A look of uncertainty crossed Cordelia’s face. James said, “It was a fairy tale, Math,” and Matthew nodded. His dark green eyes searched Cordelia’s face, as if looking for the key to a locked room he had only just discovered.

Cordelia looked uncertain. James couldn’t bear that. She’d been magnificent; she should know it. But he couldn’t say that, of course. It would only make her self-conscious.

“Well done, Cordelia,” James said instead; when he unfolded his arms; his wrist hurt and he wondered if he’d been clenching his hands.

Cordelia. He hadn’t called her Daisy, and she looked a little surprised. It seemed inappropriate, somehow. Daisy was Lucie’s friend, the Merry Thieves’ compatriot; he found it a smaller name than she deserved. Cordelia, though—she had been a queen, hadn’t she? Queen Cordelia, daughter of Leir, ruler of Britain before the Romans had ever landed on those shores. Like Boadicea, a legendary warrior queen. A blazing white fire behind fathomless black eyes.

“Anna has disappeared with Hypatia,” James said, noting the empty settee, “so I would call your distraction a success.”

Cordelia’s lips twitched into a smile. “How long does a seduction usually last?”

“Depends if you do it properly,” Matthew said, with a wink. James felt it as a spark of relief, a bit of lightness amid the feeling that something heavy was sitting on his chest.

“Well, I hope for Hypatia’s sake Anna does it properly,” James said. He registered, with the reflexes of a parabatai, that Matthew had gone still next to him, and wondered what was wrong. “Yet for our sake, I hope she hurries it up.”

All hint of Matthew’s jocular tone from before was gone. “Both of you,” he said urgently. “Listen.”

Did he mean all the muttering about Shadowhunters? Was he only noticing it now? It had followed them since they came into the place. But when James followed Matthew’s gaze, he found Kellington staring with an expression of vexation, not at them but at the door. All questions were answered as through the door came Charles Fairchild, looking around him with a haughty expression. He looked like was about to raid the place; so much for whatever work Matthew and Anna had done for Downworlder-Shadowhunter relations here.

Matthew narrowed his eyes. “Charles,” he sighed. “By the Angel, what is he doing here?”

Charles was, James thought, probably looking for them. He was making his way through the crowd and gazing around him. Luckily for them, the crowd was not interested in letting him through, and he was moving very slowly.

“We should go,” James said. “But we can’t leave Anna.”

In one way, at least, Charles’s arrival was helpful; it threw a bucket of cold water on the roiling heat that had gripped James’s heart since Cordelia had begun her dance. Back to the matter at hand: a demon, a Pyxis, a plan.

“You two run and hide yourselves,” Matthew said, still keeping his eyes on his brother. “Charles will go off his head if he sees you here.”

“But what about you?” said Cordelia.

Matthew shrugged, but James could see the tension in his jaw and his shoulders. “He’s used to this kind of thing from me. I’ll deal with Charles.”

Not for the first time, James wished that his parabatai wasn’t in such a hurry to sacrifice his own reputation. He exchanged a long look with Matthew, but Matthew was sure, and determined, and his desire to rush into his own humiliation was an issue that would have to wait. Nodding, he turned and caught Cordelia’s hand with his own. “This way,” he said, and she nodded back in acknowledgement. As he pulled them into the crowd he heard Matthew’s voice calling, “Charles!” in a hearty tone of pleasant, if entirely false, welcome.

James didn’t know his way around the place, and the crowd made orientating himself even more difficult, but after some trial and error he and Cordelia managed to get behind Kellington and slip into a corridor leading away. This wasn’t safe in itself, since from the main chamber one would have a clear view down the entire corridor. In fact, they were temporarily more exposed than before, and James’s hope for the hallway to take a quick turn or to contain large statuary to hide behind was quickly dashed. He continued to hold onto Cordelia’s hand, not that he needed to; she seemed to know her way better than he did.

Partway down the corridor, James caught sight of an open door — its silver plaque labeling it the entrance to THE WHISPERING ROOM. Swiftly he drew Cordelia inside, out of sight. He slammed the door behind them, causing a loud noise, but he thought it couldn’t possibly be heard over the crowd in the main chamber. Only then did he release Cordelia’s hand and take stock of their surroundings.

The room was dimly lit, but not cold: a scented fire burned in the grate, filling the space with the smell of sandalwood and roses. It was a study, he guessed, based on the gigantic walnut desk against the wall and the bookshelves opposite, but it was too richly decorated to be solely a place for studious contemplation. Phoenix feathers and dragon scales danced across the gilded wallpaper; there were no windows, but the walls were hung with patterned tapestries, the floor covered with a rug so thick James felt his boots sink into it as he moved further into the room.

Cordelia had leaned her back against the wall next to the door. Her eyes were closed and she was taking deep, full breaths, calming herself down. Cortana gleamed gold over her shoulder; the firelight gleamed a deeper gold on her skin, which seemed to take and hold its warmth. James curled his fingers in against his palm.

He wanted to touch her. He half-turned away, pretending to study the books on the wall. Any other time, he would have been fascinated by the titles. Now they seemed distant, neither immediate nor imporant. He could have sworn he heard his own heart hammering. He said, “Where did you learn to dance like that?” surprising himself with the roughness of his own voice.

His gaze snapped back to Cordelia as she opened her eyes and gave a little shrug. There was something magical about the dress she wore: it followed the shape of her own body rather than the shape of corsetry or whalebone petticoats. It slid softly against her skin as she moved, just as her dark red hair tickled the bare skin of her throat, her shoulders. “I had a dance instructor in Paris. My mother believed that learning to dance aided in learning grace in battle.”

The word grace pierced James like an icicle. He could not quite picture Grace at the moment, it was true; could not quite envision her face. He had given Grace his heart — that was an immutable fact, something he knew as he knew that two plus two equaled four. But he had to admit that at the moment his heart did not feel given. It felt like a thrumming machine inside his chest, pumping blood and heat.

“That dance,” Cordelia added with a quirk of her soft mouth that struck James like a blow to the stomach, “was forbidden to be taught to unmarried ladies. But my dance instructor did not care.”

“Well,” James said, keeping his voice steady with practiced control, “thank the Angel you were there. Matthew and I could certainly not have pulled off that dance on our own.”

Cordelia turned away from him, the smile still on her face, as though she were keeping it secret from him. She trailed her hand along the top of Hypatia’s desk. At one end was a stack of papers held down by a large copper bowl of fruit, and she brought her hand up to trace its rim.

James may have been distracted beyond the capacity for distraction he’d known before, but he was still a Shadowhunter. “Be careful,” he said warningly. “I suspect that is faerie fruit. It has no effect on warlocks—no magical effect, at least. But on humans…”

Cordelia pulled her hand back as though stung. “Surely it does not harm you if you do not eat it.”

“Oh, it does not. But I have met those who have tasted it. The say the more you have of it, the more you want, and the more you ache when you can…have no more.”

Cordelia was looking at him now, and though it took a great summoning of courage, he returned her gaze. In her dark eyes the silver and blue flames of the fireplace danced. James could not catch his breath. He had never felt this before, this breathlessness. It was like pain, but with a sweet, sharp edge. Like licking honey from a knife. He said, in a low voice, “And yet. I have always thought…is not knowing what it tastes like just another form of torture? The torture of wondering?”

The door shook on his hinges suddenly, making a clatter that made both he and Cordelia jerk their heads around to look at it. The knob was starting to turn.

Cordelia paled. “We’re not meant to be in here —“

James’s world closed down to just this: Cordelia was here, she was with him, and she looked frightened. He would do anything to stop that look on her face. He caught her in his arms, and the relief was incredible — he had not realized how much he wanted to be touching her until he was. Until he was holding her, and her strength and warmth and softness were all pressed against him, and her face was so beautiful it hurt, and her lips were parted in surprise and without another thought he kissed them.

He could feel her sharp intake of breath with his hands, clasped together at her lower back. She gasped, but did not draw back, or away — he thought he would have died if she had — she leaned into him, her full lips opening under his. She was kissing him back. He tasted honey, smelled jasmine and smoke. His hand slid up her warm cheek and into the soft fall of her hair.

Time stopped.

Cordelia’s arms were around his neck. Her lush mouth opened a little against his, and the kiss deepened. He moved his hand to the back of her neck to bring her closer. Her teeth grazed his lower lip, and he couldn’t help it; he moaned, and felt her tremble against him.

Very far away, a voice chuckled and the door closed with a soft click. This whole thing had been intended as a ruse, he knew, for the benefit of whomever was trying to get into the Whispering Room. Probably some Ruelle attendees, Downworlders most likely, who had snuck off for a rendez-vous.

Ruse accomplished, then. With intense regret, James drew back from Cordelia. Her hand, warm and soft and wonderful, was against his neck; her fingers stroked his pale white scar. Her eyes were fixed at the level of his shoulder. He could hear himself say her name — Daisy, my Daisy — instead of responding, she whispered, “I think more people are coming.”

He knew it wasn’t true. He didn’t care. He knew what she was saying: that she was asking and giving permission at once. All James’ life, he had struggled for control: control over his sudden falls into shadow, control over the dark world he could see, that was invisible to everyone else. He had worked and fought and trained for control every day, and for the first time in as long as he could remember it deserted him.

The walls he had put up burned to the ground in an instant as he caught Cordelia to him. He groaned against her mouth, his hands slipping over the silk of her dress, the hot satin of her skin. He undid the strap that held Cortana, got rid of it somehow — carefully, he hoped — and let himself fall back into delirium.

He did not ask himself why he had never felt desire like this before. He could not. He was lost in the feel of her, the incline of her waist, the flare of her hips, the rise and fall of her chest as she gasped. They were kissing wildly, uncontrolled; they fetched up against the desk, Cordelia’s back to it.

Her body bent backward in an impossible arch, her hands going behind her to brace herself. Her eyes half-closed, her head fell back, revealing the bare column of her throat. He pressed his lips there, eliciting a gasp of surprised pleasure.

His hands trailed up the sleek material of her dress — he could feel the heat of her skin through it — from her waist to the neckline of her gown. His palms followed her curves until the tips of his fingers were pressing into the bare bronze skin just above the neckline of her dress. She was sleek and soft and hot all at the same time, like nothing else he’d ever touched. He heard her whimper; she was saying his name, and his heart beat in time with her words: James, James, Jamie please.

The please undid him; shrugging off his frock coat, he caught hold of her around the waist, lifting her until she was perched on the edge of the desk. The material of her dress bunched around her knees, her thighs, as she took hold of his shirt by the starched front and kissed him. His mouth drove against hers, hot and demanding, even as he clambered onto the desk after her. She reached up her arms for him and he sank down on top of her, bracing his weight with a hand above her head.

He paused, just for a moment, looking down at her. Her scarlet hair fanned out across the desk, her eyes glazed, her full lips red from kissing. He was cradled by her body, her legs on either side of his hips, her skirt rucked up nearly to her waist. She wrapped her long, bare legs around him and he shuddered. What was in him, what he wanted, was inchoate but insistant, a force he’d never known. A yearning like hot wires in his blood, the pain-pleasurable ache of unbearable wanting that drove him to kiss her again, kiss her harder. She tangled her hands in his hair, pulling at it as he kissed her breasts, flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin until she gave a low scream and clutched at him with desperate hands.

He sank down against her and kissed her, hot and deep and hard. She arched into the kiss, her breath coming in gasps. He felt her through the thinner material of his shirt: the heat of her, the swell of her breasts against his chest, her hands smoothing over his chest, his sides.

His hands aching to touch her in kind, to find out what she liked, what made her gasp, and do it again and again . . . Nothing had ever felt like this, nothing. He’d known desire before; so he remembered, so he had believed. It turned out he had stepped into a puddle and thought it was the sea. As Cordelia moved in his arms, as her lips, he realized there was a depth to desire he hadn’t even guessed at: that it was more than just desperation, but joy and need and wanting and being wanted back. It was a fever dream, his hands sliding up under the heavy satin of her skirts, the salt-sweet taste of her skin, the soft sounds of her pleasure as she urged him closer, urged him onward, the desk seeming to spin beneath them.

He heard, as if at a great distance, the sound of the door opening. He lifted his head, saw the slim fair-hared figure in the doorway. Ice washed through his veins. Cordelia stiffened, began to scramble to sit up. No, he thought, but he couldn’t stop her, couldn’t blame her. It — whatever it had been — was over.

He slid off the desk. Already the fever was vanishing, that feeling —the glorious freedom from the burden of his own will — receding. Grasping at his control, he drew it around himself,  reaching for his coat, turning to calmly meet the gaze of his parabatai.

“James?” Matthew said.

[lo-frequency]

Hey love! Could I get headcanons tenya, izuku, and tamaki with a chubby s/o who loves to wear tight or semi revealing clothes (especially dresses) cause it shows off their hips n stuff. Gender neutral reader please!

Thanks a bunch have a good day/night!

Hello! This was fun to write, hope you enjoy it, and have a great day!

Tenya

-Tenya, being the gentleman he is, tries his best to keep up appearances in public. With your sense of style, prepare yourself for the lecture you’d get every time you step out of the house. Just look at the length of that dress (or lack thereof), and spaghetti straps, are you out of your mind? Oh, and don’t get him started on how your entire midriff is out!! Y’all are in a public place, Y/N! A public place! 👋🏾👋🏾

-You wouldn’t listen of course, so he’d have no choice but to get used to your sense of style.

-I mean, not that you looked bad or anything. As a matter of fact, he would never say so (since that would be indecent), but he does appreciate the way your clothes hug your full figure. He is definitely looking. Respectfully, of course.

-On that same note, he would also make sure no one else looks at you with their vulgar eyes. You may be wearing that dress in public, but don’t be mistaken. It’s meant for him, and only him. If your name isn’t Tenya Iida, please look the other way.

- “Tenya, what are you doing?” you ask as he moves to place his blazer around your shoulders. “Trying to protect your modesty, darling. Your dress has quite a low neckline,” he answers, pulling it over your chest. “But you’re covering up my outfit,” you say, not at all fazed as you take his coat off your shoulders and offer it back to him. Tenya looks at you, bewildered, and you just blink back. He sighs and puts his coat back on. “Well, at least stay near me then, dear. I can’t stand the way those degenerates look at you.”

-Loves your confidence and the way you carry yourself. Thinks it’s admirable that you’re so comfortable in your own skin (as you should be). Tenya takes a lot of pride in himself and his family, so having an s/o that also views themself that way is very attractive to him.

Izuku

-People think Izuku is this pure, innocent guy but I would argue that that’s a little bit inaccurate. A sweetheart, for sure. Innocent? Don’t think so.

-So when you show up to your date in that dress, you can see his wide green eyes scanning your figure before you even reach him. He seems to catch himself when you finally greet him, ducking his head and offering you a sheepish reply as you shoot him a knowing look.

-His friends would tease him about going out with such a bombshell like you. Sweet, bashful Izuku with such a foxy s/o ;). So that’s your type, Izuku? He would never hear the end of it...he doesn’t deny anything, tho 😏

-Would become more conscious of the way he dresses when he’s with you, and would try to spice up his fashion sense to impress you. Maybe he’d try to wear one or two buttons undone on his shirt or wear tighter ones to show off that pro-hero figure.

-Tries to be casual about the arm he loops around your waist, but with how gingerly it rests on your body, you’d be better off just openly telling him it’s alright to hold you.

-His eyes follow you wherever you go. Sometimes he doesn’t even realize he’s staring, he just loves the way you look. He has the sway of your hips memorized, and could pick you out in a crowd, just from the way you walk. 💕

Tamaki

-It’s amazing you two are even together in the first place. Tamaki would’ve had a hard time approaching someone as self-assured as you. He could tell by your bold sense of fashion you had a lot of self confidence, and he doubted you would have much patience for someone like him.

-Yet here he was, admiring your shapely self as you walked in front of him. He didn’t mind whenever you led the way, because it meant he could (not so) discreetly follow the shift of your backside as you walked. Another one of those fake modests, although we already knew that 👀.

-He was just trailing behind you, kinda dazed as he enjoyed the view. That’s why he wasn’t prepared when you suddenly looked back at him to say you’d reached your destination. “Whatcha lookin’ at, Tamaki?” you ask cheekily as you open the restaurant door for the both of you. He immediately averts his eyes from your body, feeling like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “N-nothing, y/n,” he mumbles, rushing inside the restaurant so he wouldn’t have to look at that smirk on your face. He couldn’t stand you sometimes (but in a good way ;) ).

-He would bashfully compliment your outfit of the day, secretly wishing he had the courage to jazz up his wardrobe too, so maybe you’d think of him the same way he did you.

-Would also be subject to ruthless teasing about his taste in s/o’s. But did you really expect anything different of the Suneater? He’s known for having a very distinct palate ;)

(Hold up, are we talking about food or people?) As always, thanks for tuning in! :)

[twdeadfanfic]

Hot Cocoa VI

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary:  Pre-apocalypse.  Y/N is an elementary school teacher new to the town, and one of her students is little Dixon, Daryl Dixon’s nephew. Daryl has taken care of him for years, the kid’s mother out of the picture and his father seeming to be in and out of jail all of the time.

In this chapter:  Y/N goes to the Dixon’s for New Year’s

You can find the previous chapters in my Masterlist.

You got up early on New Year’s eve, you wanted to have everything ready on time for when you went to dine with the Dixon’s. You felt a bit like intruding on a family holiday, but you were grateful that Daryl had invited you when he realized that your family had pretty much made plans without you and left you alone…it was kind of him. 

No matter people’s gossip, or Daryl’s awkwardness and how harsh he could be sometimes, there was kindness in him, you had seen it, and not only to his nephew, like you first had thought, but with other kids in your classroom, and to you too. There was a caring side to him, or maybe all him was caring even if he didn’t usually show it, despite what people might say of him, and whenever he showed it, especially if it was addressed to you, you felt…you felt things you had told yourself you shouldn’t.

You better stop thinking nonsense and started cooking. You were limited by the ingredients that you could find, or rather not find, in the small town shop. Finally, you settled for roasted aubergine. One would be more than enough for you, but you settled for two, in case the Dixon’s might want to try it and perhaps even like it, and you left them marinating in some handmade sauce while you made some vegetarian gravy and also chopped some potatoes to roast them along with the aubergines as a side dish.

While the aubergines and the potatoes roasted, you made an apple pie, a recipe you had made a few times already and knew you wouldn’t mess up…hopefully. You didn’t know if Daryl had dessert ready or not too, but, since when having two desserts was something bad.

Once the pie was in the oven, you started getting ready, and you found yourself not knowing what to wear…it was New Year’s, should you dress up? But Daryl had said it’d be dinner as always, not something elegant or formal, and you couldn’t see Daryl wanting anything of that anyway…but then again, it was New Year’s… You had to laugh at yourself, probably Daryl and little Dixon didn’t care about dressing up at all, and there you were, making a deal out of it. You decided to just dress casual, although with a bit more effort than when you just went to the school.

You packed the food carefully and once it was time, you went to the Dixon’s place.

You knocked on the door and little Dixon opened, grinning. “Hi, Y/N! Come in!”

“Hey, kiddo,” you smiled, walking in and directly into what seemed the living room of the tiny cabin. It was decorated with Christmas lights and there was a small tree on the corner, like Sam had told you…you hadn’t been wrong, Daryl would go full-on Christmas decorations if it made his nephew happy. It made your smile grow bigger.

You looked around at the inside of the tiny cabin, it looked old and tattered, but less than the outside, and it also looked like Daryl had done repairs and renovated stuff inside, and he hadn’t done a bad job at it.

“Ain’t much…” 

You heard Daryl’s voice and you looked at him as he walked out of the kitchen and found you looking around the place. He seemed self-conscious, and he looked down when you smiled at him.

“I think it’s cute,” you said, and Daryl looked at you like he thought you were either lying or crazy, so you shrugged. “I brought some food.” Daryl nodded, taking the bag with the containers that you were carrying.

“Veggie things,” little Dixon laughed and you had to snort.

“Yep, veggie things, but you both can try them too if you want.”

“Okay.” Little Dixon nodded, while Daryl seemed less convinced as he eyed your containers. “We got squirrel stew and roasted rabbit.”

“I’ll stick to my roasted aubergine and potatoes…I also made apple pie.” Judging by the way little Dixon looked at you at that, you were certain he agreed on you on two desserts never being too much.

“I’m gonna heat the food,” Daryl said, heading to the kitchen with your food, and you followed to help.

Soon, you three were sat down on mismatched chairs around the old table, ready for dinner. When you began cutting your roasted aubergine, little Dixon looked at it in awe, and even you were surprised at it.

“How did you make it look like ham?” Sam asked, and Daryl too seemed confused as he looked at the aubergine.

“I have no idea…I think it’s the marinara…” You too were shocked with how good it looked, and Sam was right, kind of like ham. But looks weren’t everything, and so you cut a piece to taste it, and you had to stop yourself from moaning aloud as you bit on it…yes, you were definitely making that recipe again. “Guys, trust me, try it.”

Little Dixon reached out, cutting himself a piece. “I don’t know what it tastes like…but I like it,” he said as he munched it on it.  “It’s very good!”

“Right?!” You were feeling pretty smug, even if you had no idea how you had managed to make the aubergine look and taste that good.

It seemed to have picked Daryl’s interest too, and he cut himself another piece. You looked at him expectantly while he munched on it. “…doesn’t taste like ham,” was his verdict, but he was smirking as if he were joking, and you had to snort.

“I’m afraid it’s still aubergine…” You chuckled.

 “Kid’s right, it’s really good,” Daryl said, seeming so surprised that you almost snorted. He got another piece and so did Sam.

“Better than the minestrone I made you both eat,” you chuckled, attacking the aubergine too. “There’s plenty of it, so pick as much as you want, really.”

They ended up eating plenty of your aubergine and roasted potatoes, that they seemed to enjoy too, making you feel even better about your cooking, happy that they were enjoying it, and you were glad that you’d decided to cook plenty of it…though if you were honest, you always cooked more than you could eat, and you always ended up with leftovers for several days. Not that you complained, that meant those days you didn’t have to cook. Maybe you could share some of those leftovers with the Dixon’s now…

Daryl and Sam seemed to enjoy your apple pie too, though you had already been confident on that one, it was the one you always used to cook when you were invited to friend’s or acquaintance's houses.

“It’s so good!” Little Dixon said, munching on a piece that was almost a bit too big, and you laughed, glad that he seemed to enjoy it that much. “Even better than the ones in the café we went to after the school’s play!”

“Mmmh mmhh.” Daryl nodded, seeming to agree, mouth also full of apple pie.

“I’m glad you like it, guys.” You truly were, it made you feel better about being there on New Year’s, not to mention how it’d boost your ego. “Maybe I should quit teaching and open my own café,” you joked.

“No! Don’t quit being my teacher!” Little Dixon rushed to say, and you couldn’t help your smile at how adorable he was.

“I won’t!”

*

Once you finished dinner, you helped Daryl with the dishes, ignoring him when he told you that you didn’t have to, just like he ignored you the times you’d told him the same. Back in the living room, Sam was fumbling with the small, old tv, some New Year’s show in it.

“There’s nothin’ better…” He grumbled.

“Yeah…sometimes I get second-hand embarrassment watching these shows…” You said, and Daryl snorted. He sat down on an armchair that looked older than him, and you sat down next to little Dixon on the sofa. “Look at that people…drinking and partying like it was actually New Year’s when they filmed it.”

“I thought it was New Year’s there too!” Little Dixon said.

“I think it’s recorded…but yeah, maybe I’m wrong.” You shrugged, smiling. “A party is a party, I guess.” You snorted.

“You went to a lot of New Year’s parties?” Sam asked you.

“Not really…some years but not all…and I can’t remember the last time I went out. I don’t hate it, but I like staying in too.” You shrugged.

“The New Year’s that dad was here, he always went to the bar after midnight,” little Dixon said.

“And he was half drunk by then already,” Daryl muttered, rolling his eyes.

“And you, Daryl?” You asked, trying to take the conversation away from Merle Dixon, in case it might upset Daryl and Sam, or made them sad that he wasn’t there. “Did you go out for New Year’s too?”

 “If my brother was goin’…” Daryl shrugged. “Bein’ years since the last time.”

“Since I was born, ‘cause now he’s to stay here with me instead of goin’ out,” Sam said, looking down.

“Hey,” Daryl said to caught little Dixon’s attention. “I rather stay here with ya than goin’ out to the bar or anythin’, okay?”

“Okay.” Sam seemed to think it, but then he was nodding, smiling again, and you couldn’t help your own smile looking at them.

You three watched the New Year’s show while you waited for midnight, little Dixon and you making comments and jokes about the people on the show. Daryl wasn’t saying anything, but you caught his smirk quite a few times as he listened to yours and his nephew’s antics. 

“Almost midnight!” Little Dixon announced, excited.

“Yes!” You were almost embarrassed at being that excited too, almost as a kid, but that countdown always made you feel giddy for some reason. You glanced at Daryl, wondering if he thought you were silly, but he seemed amused at you and not in a bad way, a lopsided, half-smile on his face as he looked at Sam and you. It made you feel all fuzzy and so you looked at the screen again. “Countdown already!”

Both Sam and you counted aloud, and once it hit midnight, the program showed the fireworks while you also heard some firecrackers outside.

“Happy new year!” Little Dixon and you exclaimed almost at the same time.

“Happy new year, Daryl!” Sam jumped off the sofa and to the armchair to hug Daryl, who huffed as he caught him.

“Happy new year, kid.”

They looked so adorable and cute, you couldn’t help your silly smile as you looked at them. Daryl was smiling too, a real one, one of those that only little Dixon seemed to manage to get from him…it lighted his face, he looked really beautiful smiling like that and…yes, ending that train of thoughts.

“Happy new year, Y/N,” Sam told you, now going to hug you, taking you by surprise, but you welcomed it. “I’m happy that you are my teacher but I’m happier that you’re our friend.”

“Kiddo, stop it, you’re going to make me cry,” you tried to joke it off, but you were feeling a bit misty-eyed…how was that kid so sweet. 

“Yeah…happy new year and all that.” Daryl looked at you briefly, a small smile tugging at his lips before he looked down shyly, and you felt those flutters in your belly that you really did not want to acknowledge. 

“Happy new year, guys,” you said, trying not to get emotional, why you always had to get emotional on New Year’s, it was stupid and a bit embarrassing. “Thanks for being my friends when nobody wanted to, and for having me for New Year’s when I was left alone…and…yeah…for eating my veggie things,” you joked.

“Ain’t squirrel stew, but it ain’t bad,” Daryl joked back, as if he had noticed that you were shy about having gotten emotional and how you were trying to push past it, and you snorted.

“I take that as a compliment.”

“And your apple pie is the best!” Sam grinned.

“Thanks, sweetheart, I’ll bake another the next time you and your uncle come to visit…because you both are joining me for movies and popcorn any time soon, yeah?” You asked, only half-joking.

“Yes!” Little Dixon nodded eagerly.

“I ain’t sayin’ no to apple pie…” Daryl said, and that smirk on his face made you wonder if you’d have any luck at trying to kill those damn butterflies, because it was just making them worse…

You stayed at the Dixon’s for a bit longer, back to commenting the New Year show with little Dixon, but you didn't want to overstay, and so soon you got up from the sofa.

“Alright, I should get back home.”

“We’ll walk ya,” Daryl said, getting up too.

“No, there’s no need, you’re already at home, I’ll go by myself.”

“It’s late, we’ll walk ya.” Daryl’s voice sounded like he’d just ignore you if you tried to refuse again, and honestly, you were glad not to have to walk back home alone at night in that place where most people seemed not to like you that much.

“Okay, thank you so much.” You smiled at Daryl but he looked down.

“Ain’t nothin’”

You picked your bag of empty containers and headed back home with Daryl and little Dixon, who was talking about the stuff he wanted to do in the new year. Once you reached your place, you turned to look at the Dixon’s.

“Thanks for walking me back home, and for having me for New Year’s, it really means a lot, thank you.” You hoped Daryl knew that you meant it and how grateful you were. “It was really fun.”

“Yes!” Sam agreed with you, grinning. “I’m happy you came to have dinner with us.” Daryl didn’t say anything, but he nodded without looking at you.

“Alright, I’ll let you both sleep, see you soon.” You hoped so, at least. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N!”

*

There were only a couple of days left before school was back, and so you decided to phone the Dixon’s and see if they want to meet with you. You didn’t know if Daryl was working, you guessed so, and you didn’t know at what hour might he finish, but you guessed it couldn’t be too late if he’d taken little Dixon with him. When you thought he might be back home, you dialed his number.

“Yeah?”

“Hi, Daryl, it’s Y/N.”

“Hey, ya okay?”

“Yes, I’m good, thanks, just wondering if Sam and you’d like to come tomorrow for popcorn and apple pie, watch a movie? Before we start school again.”

Daryl was silent for a couple of seconds, but he spoke before you could worry. “Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, nice!”

“I, uh…I gotta work, but we can go when I finish, it’s okay?”

“Yes, Daryl, it’s perfect…actually, what if you leave Sam with me tomorrow while you work? He can help me to make the pie, it’ll be fun.”

“Ya sure?”

“Yes, Daryl, you know it,” you assured him yet again.

“Okay, I, uh…I’ll take him with me in the mornin’ but take him to your place on the lunch break, is that okay?”

 “Perfect! Then maybe you both can stay for dinner too? Since you’d have been all day at the garage.”

“Nah, it’s fine, we can eat when we get back home after the movie.”

“That’ll be a couple of hours at least…stay for dinner, I don’t mind cooking more…or it’s that you don’t trust what veggie thing I might feed you tomorrow?” You tried to joke, and you were glad when you heard Daryl snorting.

“Ain’t that…okay, we’ll stay if ya sure ya don’t mind.”

“I don’t, I want you both to stay.”

“Alright, uh…alright, see ya tomorrow then.”

*

The next day, around lunch time, the Dixon’s knocked on your door.

“Hi!” You greeted them as you opened.

“Hi!” Sam grinned at you, walking inside while Daryl stayed at the door.

“Hey, thanks, I gotta go back to the garage,” Daryl said.

“Did you even have time for lunch?” You asked and Daryl shrugged.

“I’m okay, I gotta get back.”

“Sure you are…” You let out a sigh. “I could have gone to pick Sam myself so you could eat lunch, I don’t know why I didn’t think it before.”

“Nah, told ya I’m okay.” Daryl shrugged again.

“I have my own lunch,” little Dixon said, showing you a paper bag.

“I see, yesterday your uncle wasn’t very sure of what veggie thing I might feed you, so no wonder he made sure you have your own lunch,” you joked, you knew Daryl didn’t want you to have to cook lunch for Sam, but you wouldn’t have minded.

“Yeah, ya might have tried feedin’ him broccoli,” Daryl joked back, and his smirk made you feel those damn things in your belly that you were trying to ignore. “Gotta go.”

“See you later!”

*

After lunch, you had to get ready some things for school and since Sam had brought a book, you worked on it while Sam read, until it was time to bake the apple pie that you had promised for dessert that night.

You showed little Dixon how to prepare the pie, letting him help with it. Once the pie was in the oven, you gave Sam your gouache paint so he could try those. You painted with him for a bit, until you thought Daryl might more or less be about to finish working, and so you started cooking dinner so he didn’t have to wait for it after maybe not eating for the whole day.

You’d decided on something quick, rice with vegetables, since you had a package of frozen vegetables which would cook quickly. The rice had just finished boiling when there was a knock on the door, and so you turned off the stove and rushed to open.

“Hi, Daryl!”

“Hey,” Daryl greeted you, giving you half a smile and following you inside.

“Look, Daryl!” Sam held one of his drawings. “I’m paintin’ with gouache…but I’m not sure I like those…too messy, I ain’t good with those…”

“I think it looks nice, kid,” Daryl said and you nodded.

“Yes, and the more you practice, the better you’ll be,” You agreed. “I’m going to finish dinner.”

“I’ll help ya,” Daryl said.

“No, it’s fine, it’s almost finished,” you said but Daryl followed you to the kitchen anyway.

Reaching into the cupboard, you took your biggest pan, which could fit the frozen vegetables and all the rice. You poured some oil and then dumped the package of frozen vegetables.

“Ya cookin’ for ten people?” Daryl asked, looking at all the vegetables and also to the big pot of boiled rice, and you snorted.

“Yeah…I always cook too much,” you said as you sautéed the veggies as best as possible, fighting with the big pan. “But I don’t mind having leftovers, that way I have food ready for dinner on school days,” you explained, adding the rice and sautéing it with the veggies once those weren’t frozen. “I don’t want to go back to school…” You half-joked, half whined, and Daryl snorted.

“Ain’t ya the teacher?” He smirked.

“Doesn’t mean I want to go back,” you chuckled. “I mean, I don’t hate it, it’s a good job and I like my classroom…it’s just…well, you know, my dear coworkers.” You let out a sigh and Daryl nodded. “I try to ignore them, though.”

“Yeah...told ya, they just pick on ya ‘cause you’re new, they want to feel like they’re better ‘cause they’re just idiots,” Daryl told you though without looking at you.

“I guess…” You let out a sigh. “I mean…I’ve been here for like five months, I can’t be seen as the foreigner or the new forever, right…”

“Yeah…” Daryl said, though he didn’t sound too convinced. “Ya, uh…you’re a good teacher though, better than them,” Daryl said, taking you by surprise, and when you looked at him he was looking down as if shy. “Sam, uh…he hated goin’ to school last year, ‘cause…ya know, kids and some of the teachers, they don’t like Dixon’s…”  You knew, some teacher were bitter and mean with any student, and you hated it, and you hated too how most of them behaved with Sam just for his name, it was wrong. “But, uh… since he’s in your class, he likes goin’, ‘cause of ya…you’re nice with the kids, ya care for them. They like ya.”

“Daryl, that…that really means a lot, thank you, thank you really, it’s the best thing anyone could tell me,” you said, feeling a bit emotional, and Daryl still seemed shy, so you decided to change topics. “Okay, dinner is ready…for today and for another five days.” You chuckled. “I can pack you some leftovers too, if you want.”

“Nah, ya don’t have to,” Daryl said, as you had guessed he would.

“Okay, it’s up to you, if you change your mind let me know.” You smiled, trying to sound nonchalant. “But as you see, I have enough to share.” You chuckled.

After dinner, you told the Dixon’s to sat down and choose a movie while you went to take the apple pie, but Daryl helped you, carrying the plates and cutlery for you while took the pie.

“Alright…” You placed the pie on the coffee table and Daryl did the same with the plates. “Sam helped me to make it, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Little Dixon grinned and Daryl looked at him with that half-smile that you found so cute.

“I think this is too much pie for us three to eat in one go…” You said as you divided it into portions, placing one in each of your plates. “So what if I pack some of what is left for you, guys?”

“Yes, thanks!” Sam said before Daryl could say anything, and Daryl looked first at him then at you, nodding.

“Okay…okay, thanks.”

You smiled, pleased, and sat down next to them, your cat jumping on your lap. “So…what do you want to watch?”

“I don’t know…” Sam looked at your movies. “What do you think?”

“The Aristocats, maybe? I think it’s good.”

“It’s good for real or it’s just ‘cause you like cats?” Little Dixon asked you with a smirk that kind of reminded you a bit of Daryl’s and you snorted.

“Oh, low blow, you saying I’m biased?” You chuckled. “But I think it’s good for real.”

“Okay, then we can watch that.” Sam nodded, smiling.

“What do you think, Daryl?” You asked and he just shrugged.

“Okay.”

“Nice, the Aristocats is it!”*

If you enjoyed this, comments and reblogs are always more than welcome, thanks.

Also, as always, excuse my English, it’s not my first language.

New taglist for Daryl, if you want to be tagged let me know and also, please, if you are not interested in being tagged anymore let me know too, please.

@coffeebooksandfandom​​  @gruffle1​ @twdeadlysins​ @yenne-yen-illustrations​ @mychemicalimagines​   @haleypearce​    @superflannel​ @sourwolf-sterek32​ @angelontheinside​  @firehoopinmama​ @lonewolf471​   @hopplessdreamer​ @daryldixonandfrogs​  @fanfictionsilove​   @collecting-stories​ @princessxpunk​ @hells-mistress​ @justyouraveragefangirl1967​ @carnationworld​    @smiithys​ @polkadottedpillowcase​ @elisdays​ @mysterious-398​  @captainbuckyboobear​   @dazzledamazon​   @spidergirla5​ @lilythemadqueen​ @lightning-butterfly​ @purplebtsmagic​ @barra-cudaaa​   @courtnytrash04​ @amazingapricot​      @seizethesam​ @harpersmariano​  @eternalslingshot​  @fuseburner​ @phoenixblack89​  @boywivlove​  @amaroho​ @woundmetender​  @classyunknownlover​ @masterninjacow​ @tenderlyunlikelyexpert​ @shadowfoxey​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @lilac-day-dreaming @datidixon​ @veronica--jade​  @nj01​ @rachelxwayne​  @elamy17​  @angelofthor​ @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ @thanossexual​ @daryldixonstorm​ @sttrawberries​ @huffledor-able541​ @lucillethings​ @browneyes528​ @soraitmnt​  @thereshallbenoother​ @chickenparmandstoicvulcans​ @leej2468​  @heartlessmarvello​ @itsmeempar​  @redneckstrash​ @bxxbxy​ @bitchynicole​ @pulplorrd​  @supernatural79impala​  @the-artistic-animal-lover​   @selfsun​ @maggie-l-m​ @baseballbitch116​ @tranquiiit​ @sweatywildpanda​  @theteaset​   @my-current-fandom-is​ @sapphire1727​  @insidetoughcake @whitexwingedxdoves​ @nickangel13​ @oceans-daughter-3​  @tuttifuckinfruttifriday​ @sesshomaru-lover​ @a-dlv​   @thetypewriterimproviser​  @lettersshapes​

[mountswhore]

𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 — marcus rashford

summary: marcus broke up with you months ago, claiming you were his biggest distraction. but he just can’t escape you.

notes: requests are open, ask away.

“I shouldn’t still be in love with you.”

for my love, @diorfairy777

“Why are you being so off, love?” You asked Marcus, who’d just walked in from training. You were cooking dinner for him, as you were only staying at his house for a few nights. But the moment Marcus walked in, he was a completely different person. No kiss to greet you, no questions about your day or retelling of his, no wandering hands. He was completely shut off.

Taking it as him being tired, you just sighed and returned to cooking. But he sat at the island, staring at you, almost as if he were waiting for you to turn around. So you did, meeting his eyes that almost spilled over with nerves. He didn’t want to do this to you, he wanted you to stay here with him forever. But it’s for his career.

“I think we should break up.”

The words felt like bullet holes in your chest, the air leaving your lungs and not returning. You could barely hear the pan sizzling over your thoughts. Marcus refused to look at you, he didn’t want this to be worse than it was. He thought that if he did it without looking into your gorgeous eyes again, it would be okay.

“Why?” You mumbled, barely any sound coming from you.

“You’re my biggest distraction. Even the boys think my games off, and I need to get back out there. I need to be the best I can be, and I can’t do that with you.” He explained. You wished he didn’t have a way with words, he made it sound so okay. But you didn’t want to leave him. You loved him.

“So you’re throwing away three years of us, just so you can be better at football?” You questioned. He just nodded, stop avoiding your eyes. You felt suddenly out of place, like you shouldn’t be standing here anymore. You turned the oven off, silently going to grab your things, and left. Without another word.

Marcus watched as you left the driveway, tears burning his waterline. Why did he have to do this to you?

It had been three months since breaking up with you, and Marcus couldn’t escape you. His friends would bring you up, because you were still mates with them, his family would ask about you, he’d see that stupid bakery you loved every morning on his drive to work, he’d see your favourite flowers in a shop window, he’d see your car model and almost have a heart attack. You were everywhere, and it was proving difficult to get over you.

But for you it was vastly different. The only time you saw or heard of Marcus was in your family’s presence, watching the football. It was safe to say you were getting over him, at least you thought you were. You still spoke to Jesse, Paul, Jadon, and some other United boys, and they knew not to speak of Marcus. They obviously wanted you back together, because Marcus just wasn’t the same, they just didn’t know how.

“And what do you suggest we do, dickhead?” Jesse asked Jadon, as they sat together by the water bottles at training. Putting these two brains together to form a plan wouldn’t be a good idea.

“Have a party, a house party, and invite the pair,” Jadon mentioned, throwing his bottle to the side of him. “Tell Y/N that we don’t know if Marcus will show up, and Marcus won’t expect her to show up either.” Jesse couldn’t believe he was even considering it, but he nodded anyway.

Hey, Y/N. I’m having a party this weekend, if you wanted to come. It’d be lovely to see you, Jesse texted you. Sitting by his phone anxiously for your reply, he sighed deeply.

I don’t think that would be a good idea. I don’t want to make your best mates feel awkward, you replied. Jesse knew you were talking about Marcus, and his heart melted at your compassion, but he was adamant on you coming.

I doubt he will even come, he’s been so focused on football, Jesse texted back.

Fine. See you Saturday, J Lingz, you responded, finally dropping your phone in defeat. It would be lovely to see the boys again, but did you want to risk running into Marcus again? Your heart still clenched every time you saw him playing.

“Fuck it.” You mumbled to yourself, grabbing your purse and shoes, running out to your car. You wanted to find a nice outfit, and get yourself dressed up to enjoy yourself, whether Marcus was there or not.

Saturday had arrived, and you were sitting on your couch, waiting for Jesse to pick you up. He said you could stay the night, because there was a 99% chance you’d be drinking. The dress was short, tight, completely unlike you. You were feeling more and more self conscious, and were in the right mind to cancel on Jesse.

But the moment he arrived and opened your door to see you, you felt okay again. Jesse was your personal hype man, always making you feel better about yourself.

“Ooh, look at you. You look gorgeous.” Jesse hummed in appreciation, holding you tight to his chest. It felt good to see him again, to hug him again, losing Marcus meant you lost Jesse. Sure, you still spoke to him. But there was always a tension.

“Thanks, Jess.” You replied, pulling away from him, “now let’s get fucked up.”

Jesse had taken you back to his, the house crawling with other footballers, girlfriends of those footballers, and some other friends. As much as you hated big parties, it made it easier to avoid Marcus if he did turn up. Jesse still had a tight hold on your hand, leading you through crowds of people, to the kitchen with the drinks.

“Y/N!” Jadon cheered, pulling you into him. You smiled and returned the embrace. Jesse had handed you a drink, and you quickly downed it. “I’m gonna make the rounds, Y/N, have fun.”

You were left by yourself, which was fine, because it gave you time to see the footballers you hadn’t seen in a while. Some of the England squad was here, so you spent most of your time talking to them. The music was very loud, you could barely hear the others surrounding you, but you almost choked on your drink when you heard someone shout, ‘Rashy’.

Your head darted in the direction of the front door, and there he was. Still as gorgeous as ever, now sporting frosted tips. His smile still shone brightly in the dark lighting of Jesse’s house, but something was different. You finished your drink, promising Mason and Declan you’d get back to them, before quickly pouring yourself another.

“Y/N’s getting a drink, quickly take Rashy to get one.” Jesse instructed Jadon, pushing him and disappearing within the bodies of people. Jadon sighed and greeted his friend, practically dragging him to the island that held the drinks.

That was when he saw you.

For the first time in months.

The one place he thought he was free from everything that reminded him of you.

“What are you doing here?” Marcus asked, the question sounding more rude than he had anticipated, but still you turned around with a smile. A false one, that even he could see was put on. Jadon had quickly slipped out of the situation, watching from afar as the pair of you spoke.

“Jesse invited me, well, begged me to come.” You stated, mixing a few drinks together and quickly letting it hit the back of your throat. It had gotten to the point of the night that you were no longer wincing at the warmth of it. “Why? Am I not allowed to be here?” You joked, a playful smile still stuck to your face.

How could you be so okay around him? Were you really over him? His thoughts plagued his mind as he poured a drink of his own, smiling down at you as you watched him. You used to go to parties together, Marcus would always make your drinks and he wouldn’t let you leave his sight. But now here you were, making drinks for yourself.

“It’s just not your scene, that’s all.” Marcus commented, sipping on the drink. He hated it, but he needed it if he were to spend the next few hours here with you. He needed the confidence to hopefully speak to you.

“I know. This dress is far too tight, I feel like I’m exposed,” you laughed, earning one from him, “anyway, how’s things been with you?”

“Same old. What about you?”

“Not much going on at the moment,” you answered him, you both hated small talk. You used to sit at home together and thank the Heavens you didn’t have an awkward small talk phase, but here you were, racking your brain for things to talk about.

You finished your drink, still feeling tipsy at most. “Well, Marcus. I hope you enjoy your night, I’m gonna go see what Mason and Declan are laughing about.” Marcus nodded and watched you leave, both boys welcoming you with laughter and tight squeezes. What he would give to feel your arms around him again. It was criminal having to watch you parade around for hours, talking to his teammates and not him, pretending he was over you when he wasn’t.

“So,” Mason challenged, nudging your arm lightly with his, “you and Marcus are talking again?”

You shook your head, flicking your head back to look at him. His eyes quickly diverted as they met yours, now focusing on the detailing of the bottles opposite him. “No, nothing like that. I was just greeting him.”

“I think you should.” Declan stated, honestly. Arms folded and face completely serious.

“And why would I do that? He broke up with me, why should I reconnect with him?”

“Because you clearly still like him, Y/N. It’s obvious,” Declan confessed, and as you went to look at Mason for some support, he just nodded, “just talk to him. Even if it’s to arrange a proper meeting.”

Declan was right. He always was. You just sighed and leant into Mason, who held you tightly to his side. You weren’t prepared for this at all, you were barely prepared to even see the man, let alone have a heart-to-heart with him.

You handed Mason your cup, approaching Marcus, who looked rather blasé about the party happening around him. He didn’t even notice you walking up to him, but he felt a hand on his forearm and looked down to see your distinctive hands. The tiny tattoo you had on the side of your middle finger. It was you.

“I think we need to talk.”

You led him upstairs, into the room that you’d be staying in tonight. Jesse and Jadon silently cheering behind you as you entered the room and closed the door. The music was now muffled, and you could hear the occasional laugh. You sat on the bed beside Marcus, almost a meter between the two of you. You were unsure of where to start.

“So, has your football really improved since I’ve left?” You questioned, Marcus shifting uncomfortably as you’d gone straight into the deep end. He couldn’t bare to look at you, still ashamed about that Thursday evening three months ago.

“Stayed about the same.” He admitted quietly, ready for your wrath. But it never came. You were always a relaxed person, that’s what attracted Marcus to you in the first place. But if you were mad, he’d always be the one to calm you down, to help you back into your calm state.

“We broke up for nothing, got it.” You noted sarcastically, your head falling into your hands with a heavy sigh.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. Really, I am.” He apologised, his large hand finding it’s way onto your thigh. It reminded you of your times in the car, he knew you hated the motorways, so he’d drive with a hand on your thigh whenever you were on one.

“Just save it, Marcus, what’s done is done.” You stood up to leave, but he held your wrist gently. Marcus was never violent, never harsh, he was the perfect lover. Which is why it hurt so much that he left you.

“No.” He firmly declared, joining you as you stood up, “I’m not saving it. I never had the chance to tell you all of this, so I’m doing it now. I never wanted to leave you, I was told that whatever was going on at home was clearly getting in my head, and it’s making me slack at work. And like an idiot, I listened. I believed that if I was good at work, nothing else mattered. So I left you.”

You winced, recalling the memories once again. You didn’t want to live through that again. Marcus was now opposite you, little distance between the pair of you. “And it’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

You couldn’t contain yourself. All the emotions you’d felt for Marcus, that you’d believed had gone, were still very much present and pushing you to just kiss him. So you did, his large hands held your face as you looked up, joining your lips together after months apart. You fit perfectly under him, his hands felt familiar the second they grazed your skin.

“I shouldn’t still be in love with you.” He conceded, pulling apart from your lips, keeping his hands on your cheeks. “But I am. I can’t move on from you, Y/N.”

“Good.” You mumbled back, gripping the sides of his shirt tightly and pulling him back into you, “because I can’t move on either.”

[roscgcld]

HEADCANONS + GOJO SATOR || chubby s/o

request: can you please do jjk character reaction to you gaining weight? i feel so insecure about it and it would be good to read something like that.. i love ur headcanons :-)

hey again! it's me with the gaining weight request :( i forgot to say that i want gojo's reaction to it :( his reaction to you being insecure of gaining weight and trying to lose it. thank u in advance ily :]

note: excuse me *bops you on the head* you cannot be insecure about something as small as weight. you’re beautiful 😠😠 and if anyone else says otherwise i will start swinging. who doesn’t like a little fluff to hold onto when they cuddle???? you’re perfect, and a little extra weight is not that bad! and i am happy that you like my headcanons love - makes me super happy to hear it from time to time >< i love you and send you positive vibes uwu ~

pronouns: she/her - because it came naturally, but i still love my non-binary readers i send you love and kisses and an apology >< 

because of your boyfriend’s wicked good looks and his naturally flirty personality, it is no surprise that he is surrounded by a lot of equally beautiful people in your eyes

and even though he entertains them with no more than a charming smile and a few nice comments, that doesn’t make you any less insecure about something as small as your weight 

also adding into your insecurities is his title as a gojo - the strongest sorcerer of the generation, and the next in line to become the head of the gojo clan. his elders are expecting him to marry young and start popping out kids

the women that his elders had sent to him as ‘suitors’ did not help too - they were all what you viewed as the epidemy of a perfect woman. pretty face, amazing body, and a soft spoken and gentle personality; acting and looking almost too fake and doll-like

gojo usually turns them away by giving them some half ass excuse about why he can’t date them, slamming the door in their faces after he pulls you towards him to press a passionate kiss to your lips; hand obviously resting on your ass

and even though that makes you super embarrassed, you just giggle softly against his lips at the offended gasp coming from the door; to which gojo will grin lightly into the kiss before deepening it quite excitely

but that never shuts your demons away - and one day you just found yourself looking yourself over the full length mirror hanging in your shared closet; a frown marring your features

you had always pride yourself on keeping in somewhat shape, but with the constantly on the go lifestyle you live, and the stress that had started to mountain at work; it is natural for you to have gained a little

and recently, as if your mind had decided to spite you, you had realised that gojo is surrounded with more and more people around him - beautiful people around him, to be exact

whether they are fellow super fit sorcerers, another random suitor knocking at the door of your shared apartment, or even just random strangers on the street - you have started to realise that gojo just naturally attracts attractive people like that into his life

people who would look amazing together with him. someone who isn’t you

you were so consumed with your thoughts that you had not heard gojo, who came out from the shower with wet hair and a pair of fitted briefs, looking around your empty bedroom in confusion

tossing the towel he was using to dry up into the laundry basket, he had peeked into the closet of your shared room curiously; only to see you dressed in nothing but a cute white bra and a matching set of underwear

he was about to tease you about it, playfully asking if you ‘trying to make us late for our lunch with the others’ when he noticed the frown on your face as you scanned yourself over; hands resting on your stomach 

wordlessly gojo made his way towards you, your eyes snapping towards his huge frame appearing in the mirror as his arms wrapped themselves around you immediately; bright blue eyes blinking at you from the mirror whilst he rests his chin on your shoulder

“what’s wrong, bunny? you have a frown on your face, and you know that i hate it when you’re frowning~”

at first you felt embarrass to admit what was plaguing your mind, knowing that he was going to tease you about being so insecure about something like this - but gojo is stubborn 

he is going to coax it out of you one way or another, so you better fess up with whatever it is that is bothering you

it took some time for him to coax the question out of you, but eventually you gave in; awkwardly meeting his eyes through the mirror as he raises an eyebrow at you; silently coaxing for you to tell him

“I just...i’ve wanted to ask you for awhile now....am i fat?”

your question actually had gojo freeze as he made the most confused face ever, hand cupping up to gently squish your face between his fingers as he pulled away a little

“who said that? am i going to have to kill someone?” gojo asks too casually, to which you widen your eyes before you wrapped your hands around the wrist holding your face, shaking your head

“n-no! not at all!” you tried to calm him down as he turns your body to face him, an even more confused look appearing on his face - and you know that it’s genuine since he looked like a confused child 

this just made things worse for you as you rubbed your warm cheeks, looking away from his all searching eyes. “i-it’s just...i feel like i’ve gained some...and you’re always around really good looking people...women..”

gojo was genuinely confused as he frowns, to which you just gave him an asperated face. yet before you can say anything he made a noise of confusion; arms wrapped around your waist loosely. “is it bad that i didn’t even notice?”

whatever you wanted to say dried up on your tongue as gojo looks over at you and gave you a soft but genuine smile, hands reaching over to cup your cheeks in his hands

“i didn’t date you because of something so artificial, bunny.” he hummed as he playfully squished your cheeks together. “to be honest, i didn’t notice about that until you brought it up.”

you made a face at him, as if silently asking if he was being serious as he pulled a face on you as well. “i am being serious here, bunny. i really didn’t notice at all.” 

he just pulls you into his chest and hold you close, smushing your face into his firm chest as he coos at you. “you should know better then to think that i care about things as fickled as weight~ i’m dating you because you can make really good onigiri.”

“so you are dating me for my cooking?!” you gasped at him dramatically as you pulled your face away to glare at him, to which he just grinned before he leans forward to press kisses all over your face; your annoyance melting away immediately

after that it sort of just been left forgotten - but gojo never forgot. He can never forget something like that

even before you told him, he could tell that something was bothering you for some time now; but he wanted to wait for you to tell him yourself

and like he said, he really truly did not realise it until you pointed it out; he had never really care about things like physical appearance. since at the end of the day, he only cares about your chemistry together

i think that gojo, even though he is very vain, does not necessarily care about looks when he dates. for him, he wants someone who can handle all sides of him instead of being with him him for face value 

so that is all he cares about - and you were perfect for him. so do forgive him for not giving two shits about something as small as appearance lol

yet he knew that you were still thinking about it - so he went out of his way to make sure that you’re not going to do something that might bring you more harm

when he realises you are eating smaller portions, he might whine and pout at you with puppy eyes; demanding for you to take a few more bites of your food

and no one can really say no to him whenever he shines his beautiful eyes at them; so he always end up getting his way

he always make sure to get the food you like and stock up on the snacks you enjoy to eat; and heck, he will even go out of his way to visit you during your lunch break at work to bring you out on lunch dates whenever he can

he’ll even become more touchy; even more so than he was before. but now he made sure to keep his touches at places where you are the most self conscious about

grabbing your thighs when you two seat together, resting his hands on your love handles whenever he wraps his arms around your waist, resting on your stomach whenever you two cuddle together

he’s always shown his affection through physical touches, since mans will end up insulting you by accident because of his inability to read the room - he might make a very unsavory joke that makes you want to hit him over the head

but he does really care for you, and always goes out of his way to make sure that you’re more than aware that he does care for you; even if it means feeding you food in the middle of a restaurant if you refuse to eat more

when you confront him about it, he just gave you a soft but genuine smile before he rests his hands on your shoulders to shake you gently; as if he is shaking you back into reality

“i just know you well, bunny. and i know that you’re going to try and loose weight because you think that’s what i want.” he sighs dramatically before he tossed his arms around you, pulling you into him with a pout. “but you should know better than to think that i am going to leave you because of your weight.” 

his words caused you to pause as he pulls away a little to press a soft kiss on your forehead, soft lips resting against your hairline for a few more moments as he tightened his arms around you

“plus, i see it as a bonus honestly. more places to mark and more of you to love. also - your ass looks amazing in sweats.”

“i should have known the inner perv will wiggle his way out.” you grumbled shyly as you tried to push your grinning boyfriend away, who just grins in response as he you closer, catching your wrists in his hands. “you know i speak nothing but the truth love~”

and even though gojo adopted such a teasing tone, you knew that he was speaking nothing but the truth. it may not be enough to calm your whispering demons, but it did make you feel a little more confident in yourself 

gojo also continued to shower you in more and more attention, making sure you never forget just how much he loves you. and that you should never care about something as small as your weight

he loves you no matter what, no matter what size you are - as long as you are there to welcome him home after a long day of work with the all love you hold for him, that’s all he needs

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[the-cult-of-russo]

Midnight Confessions

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request : hi! can i request a billy russo x reader with #4 from the love confession list and #2 from the smutty one liners list? thank you!!

#4: "This is just too much, I can't act like this anymore, like I don't love you!"

#2: "Don't act innocent when we both know where your mouth was two minutes ago."

Warnings: cursing, lil bit of angst, Billy trying to express some feelings, some fluff and a heaping of smut. Enjoy! (Under 18s please avert your eyes and pass on by) 

You sat hugging your knees on the sofa as you contemplated if you made a mistake or not. You knew Billy would just turn up since you were ignoring his calls but you really didn't want to do this over the phone. You didn't want to do it at all. 

You and Billy had been seeing each other for just over a year. And by seeing other it was more just fucking but you went and got feelings like an idiot. Because Billy fucking Russo didn't do feelings and you weren't about the unrequited love, so you knew you'd need to stop. He'd called earlier asking if he could come over and you didn't think you'd ever heard him that stunned before. You'd never turned him down. Feeling panicked and not wanting to deal with the situation, you avoided it like a coward because it was much easier than dealing with it. Billy had sent you multiple texts and calls, all of which you ignored. 

Billy didn't like being ignored and maybe you were a masochist and wanted him to come here so you could embarrass yourself in front of him by telling him how you felt. Ignoring his calls was like ringing a bell to invite him over to question you. 

It was almost midnight when the door knocked and your stomach tightened painfully. You knew it was him and you weren't surprised. You were, however, dreading it. With a heaving sigh, and another impatient knock from the man, you got up and opened the door. 

His dark eyes scanned your body as if he was assessing for anything wrong that was the cause of the rejection. You felt a little self conscious given the fact you were wearing some pyjama shorts and one of his t-shirts that was big on you. 

"Can I come in?" He asked pointedly after finding no injuries on you. Even though it was a question, his tone basically told you he was coming in either way. So you moved out of the way and into the kitchen area, leaning against the counter and wrapping your arms around yourself. Billy shut the door behind him, moving to the kitchen but keeping a little distance as he watched you carefully. His gaze always had a way of looking right through you and you shivered involuntarily. 

"So… wanna tell me what's goin' on?" He asked with a quirked brow. He was dressed down today in a dark grey sweater, jeans and his boots. His hands were in his pockets but the casual act was at odds with how rigid he was standing, head slightly tilted as he glared at you. Now or never.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore," you muttered quietly. His jaw clenched, his shoulder rolling a little.

"Do I get to know why?" He bit out. 

You glanced at your hands that were now in front of you and picked at your nails.

"It's just not working out," you shrugged. You were hanging on by a thread, trying to be nonchalant about it but inside it was killing you. Billy's mirthless chuckle had your eyes going back to him.

"That's it? That's all I get?" He asked, mouth downturned and his eyes burning.

"What do you want me to say, Billy? It's not working, it's over," you said firmly. Honestly you just needed him to leave so you could curl up in a sad ball and cry a little. 

He bit his lip, another unamused laugh escaping him as he shook his head.

"So...So, that's just it? You're just… kickin' me to the curb and I don't even get a good reason? You're just done with me?" He asked angrily, pointing at his chest. Your heart ached a little knowing what was going through his head and knowing about his past that he'd shared with you, it hurt.

"I'm not abandoning you, Billy," you said softly. 

"Really? 'Cause that's exactly what it sounds like. All this time together and what? Now you're done?!" He asked, his voice raising as he went on. You didn't expect him to react this strongly about it. 

"I can't… I can't do this anymore, Billy! It was supposed to be just sex but… this is just too much, I can't act like this anymore, like I don't love you!" There it was, out in the open. 

Billy looked like he'd been struck. His eyes wide, mouth slightly parted. The man who always had a retort ready was rendered speechless and it would have been funny if not for the circumstances. Something snapped in him then as he took a step towards you, face like thunder.

"No! You don't get to… you can't just say that shit to me and get me to leave!" He jabbed a finger in your direction then and you looked at him with wide eyes. 

"I didn't mean for it to happen. I know it was supposed to be casual but it happened. I fell for you and I can't change it. But I can't continue on like this when I- '' your rambling was cut off when he surged forward, gripping your jaw in his hand as he kissed you hard. 

It was all tongues and teeth and for a moment you indulged in it, he'd short circuited your brain. But then you snapped out of it and pushed him away. He looked wild eyed as he looked down at you. 

"I can't do this, Billy. Please just go," you murmured, voice wavering. 

"No," he said firmly. He stepped away and paced a little, running a hand through his hair before he turned back to face you. 

"Did you know… about a month after we started this thing, I stopped seein' other people?" he uttered, eyes gazing at you imploringly. That was news to you and you furrowed your brow as you soaked it in.

"No," you murmured. He took a shaky breath, hands rubbing either side of his beard and he looked like it was struggling to find the words he was looking for. 

"This is… this is hard for me, okay? I don't… do this. I don't do feelings. But you… I get excited to see you, and not just the sex. I look forward to takin' you to dinner and… and watchin' movies with you or just foolin' around on the sofa. I sit there… I sit there at work thinkin' about you. When I'm around you… you make everythin' different. Better. And I don't know… I don't know what love is, I never felt it before. But I'm pretty sure that I love you," his rambled confession was punctuated with his arms wildly gesturing and you stood blinking at him in shock. You really hadn't expected any of that. 

"Really?" You asked hesitantly. As if he'd start laughing and tell you it was a joke. He stepped to you, his hands cupping your cheeks and you stared into his expressive eyes as he nodded.

"I don't know how to do this shit. I don't know how to… be a boyfriend. But I want to try… with you. I don't want anyone else," he murmured. The emotion in his obsidian eyes floored you and he rested his forehead on yours.

"Will you let me? Let me try?" He asked softly. He sounded so unsure of himself. A far cry from the over confident man you knew him to be. 

You nodded and he leaned in, kissing you deeply. Not quite the ferocious kiss from earlier but slow and deep, taking his time. You yelped when he hoisted you up, your legs around him and his hands holding you up.

"Tell me again," he murmured against your lips. It took you a second to figure out what he meant. 

"I love you," you replied softly. He kissed you again and you could feel him smile into the kiss. 

"I love you too," he whispered, nipping your lower lip and sending a jolt through your body. 

You hadn't even realised he'd been walking but suddenly you were deposited on the bed, bouncing on it a little. His large hands slid up your hips and waist, dragging your shirt with it and you leaned up so he could remove it fully. It was discarded carelessly across the room. He made quick work of your bra next which joined the shirt and he smirked down at you as he hooked his fingers into the hem of the pyjama shorts and panties, pulling them down at the same time and tossing them over his shoulder. 

He gave your hip a cheeky nip before standing up and you couldn't take your eyes off him as he removed his sweater. Your eyes taking in every inch of skin you could see. You had no idea how it was possible for a human to be this attractive. You'd mused a long time ago that Billy wasn't really human, but a god that had come down from wherever he'd been hiding. Before long his jeans, boxers and boots were off and he hovered over you. You felt his hot skin against yours and it was soothing as much as it set you on fire. He kissed you until you couldn't breathe before kissing down your jaw to your neck  

He left open mouthed kisses and bites down your neck before kissing his way to your breasts. You moaned softly when he grabbed one, swirling his tongue around your nipple before sucking on it. Your back arched, eyes closed as you enjoyed the attention he was giving you. Billy was always an attentive lover. He paid the other breast the same attention before kissing his way further south.

You squirmed a little when he kissed your stomach, being a little ticklish there and he knew it. He chuckled, hands pinning you in place and you endured the sensation as he got lower. He settled between your legs, hooking his arms around your thighs and effectively locking you in place. He was being a tease, watching you as he kissed your thigh at a painfully slow pace but you refused to beg. 

When he finally made contact with your clit, the moan of desperation was almost embarrassing but he groaned against you, letting you know he liked it. He started lapping at you and you gasped, one hand fisting his hair and the other the sheet. He was an expert with his tongue and he had you on the brink in no time. Every time you moaned or gasped he responded in kind with a groan of satisfaction himself. You were putty in his hands as you squirmed at his touch and he held you in place as he went at you like a man starved. 

The moment he started sucking on your clit, you moaned loudly, back arching right up as you squirmed against his face. Your release washed over you like a wave of bliss and you were basically riding his face until it was over. You didn't realise how hard you'd fisted his hair but it was all over the place now. 

You lay there panting, calming down from your high as he chuckled, licking his lips as he moved back on top of you. You could feel his raging hard on against you and you stretched a little, arching up at him. 

"You're so fuckin' beautiful, you know that?" He asked against your lips before kissing you breathless again. 

Your hand was in his hair again as you arched up at him and you both moaned in relief as he pushed inside of you. He filled you up in the best way. He gripped your thigh, hitching your leg over his hip as he started to plow into you. You fit together like puzzle pieces and you rolled your hips up to him, making him groan against your lips. The hand that didn't have your thigh in a death grip was on your jaw as he kissed you like a starved man between his groans. You loved his noises and how he didn't try to hide it. You loved hearing how good you made him feel. 

He picked up his pace and each thrust forced the air out of your lungs in desperate moans. You felt the pleasure ramping up, your entire body feeling like it was on the edge of exploding. He angled his hips differently and you cried out, tugging his hair and making a noise akin to a growl leave his lips. Your second release hit you hard and you gasped, body tensing as you clamped down around him. He let out a sinful moan as his thrusts got erratic and then he groaned, stilling inside of you.

You were both panting messes as he lay his head in the crook of your neck. Your fingers toyed with his hair as you lay there blissful. You felt like you were in heaven and you were sure you'd be glowing after that. He placed a tender kiss on your neck before moving to your lips, kissing you slowly. He'd always taken the time to lavish you with attention when you were together but it felt different this time. There was a shift in your relationship with him now the feelings were out in the open.

"I don't know how I got so lucky. You're an angel," he murmured with a soft smile, rubbing his nose against yours. He was in a post coital bliss that had him relaxed and calm. You loved that side to him.

"Don't act innocent when we both know where your mouth was two minutes ago," you teased, kissing him sweetly. He chuckled into the kiss before pulling out of you and laying on his back. 

He held his arm open and you rolled over and snuggled up, nestled against his side with your head on his chest. One of his hands toyed with your hair as the other stroked your arm delicately.

"I love you," he said softly. You tilted your head towards him and smiled, his own sleepy smile on his face. You really never thought you'd hear those words out of his mouth.

"I love you too," you smiled. He kissed your forehead and you both relaxed, letting sleep take you under.

You really hadn't expected things to go the way they did but you couldn't complain. This was a new chapter for you both and you couldn't help but wonder just what was in store for you in a relationship with Billy Russo.

[jishyucks]

The L Word ‣ hjs

‣ genre: angst with a fluffy ending, arranged marriage, sort of modern royalty (rich kid!au), female reader

‣ wc: 2.1k

‣ summary: “Tell me, Han. Has she ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”; in which Jisung's afraid that Y/N's going to leave him in rising of rumors but learns he shouldn't judge a situation from the words of others

‣ warnings?: The Hwang 'sibs' are mean in this (just a bit), lowkey rushed, jisung runs off because of overthinking

Looking at the ballroom’s appearance, Jisung feels as though he shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Like some puzzle piece placed in the wrong box. The people attending the party lived lavish lifestyles, knowing the difference between the different forks placed at the tables. Etiquette was more important to them than the basics a middle-class person would even care about.

Though Jisung had good ideas of such subjects, it wasn't forced onto him like those around him. The only reason why he was able to attend the party was because of a marriage arrangement your father and his father had made as some kind of sick ‘contract’ regarding business. Though he wasn’t complaining, feelings for you developed through the years of knowing you since childhood, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about a handful of things.

For one, you guys were engaged through the arrangement. It’s been three years since the announcement, and even if Jisung believed you were fine with it, even if you ensured to Jisung that you were happy with the engagement, intrusive thoughts started keeping him up at night.

He knew you. You hated speaking out your feelings, whether it led to consequences or not. What if you actually weren’t fine with it? What if you were somehow threatened by your father and the contract to actually speak out about the engagement? He didn’t want you to feel forced to marry him.

Then there was his family’s reputation. His family was deemed drastically poorer than yours by the other associated families and businesses. He was afraid of tainting your family’s reputation or seeming like one of those leeches found at the bottom of murky ponds. Though it was an arranged marriage, Jisung had genuine feelings for you. It was his father that was in it for the money and Jisung was nothing like his father.

“Hey, scrounger!” Jisung turned to find Hyunjin and his sister Yeji approaching him from the opposite corner of the room. They both were dressed in clothes that were probably a lot more expensive than his own, his clothes being hand-me-downs from his father.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Yeji smirked, “You don’t even have business here.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, eyeing down the boy.

Jisung didn’t cower under their gaze, instead of straightening his back, “I’m here because I was invited. My father was invited as well.” Don’t show fear, he told himself, That’s what they want.

“Ahh~,” Hyunjin chuckled, “Good way to disguise 'because of Y/N.' Tell me, Han. Has Y/N ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”

Yeji butted in, laughing, “I think love is too strong of a word… how ‘bout like? Has she ever told you that she liked you? Cause rumor has it she’s planning on breaking your engagement.”

Jisung gulped, “S-she has… and gossip is bullshit.” He lied. When the arrangement was created, there was some kind of unspoken assumption that you both liked each other. As a result of this, no confessions were made from you both. Sure it was stupid, but in Jisung’s eyes, actions spoke louder than words, and just by how he treated you and you treated him, you both cared very much for each other. Of course, other people never paid attention to actions and relied on direct statements.

“We don’t gossip, Han,” Hyunjin scoffs, “Who would pass up the opportunity to marry Bang Chan when he’s the son of the top businessman in all of Korea?”

“What do you mean?” Jisung’s heart skipped a beat, eyed widening slightly at the mention of Bang Chan’s name.

“His father apparently wanted to create a deal with her father that was a lot better than his deal with yours,” Hyunjin explained, “Isn’t your engagement part of that poorer deal?”

Jisung chose not to reply, biting his tongue. Instead, he shoots Hyunjin a narrowed glare, not up for defending himself or arguing. With the lack of response from their target, the siblings simply rolled their eyes and walked away, taking a seat at their designated table.

When the attention was diverted away from him, Jisung couldn’t help but let his shoulders fall. He feels his heart beating quicker than at rest, thoughts running through his mind like crazy. You wouldn’t leave him just like that right? You wouldn’t.

Then his mind wanders back to Hyunjin and Yeji’s question. Yes, he did think that actions were undoubtedly stronger than words, but now that a spotlight was shone on the hidden yet obvious fact that you both hadn’t said anything about each others’ feelings, he couldn’t help but believe that you could possibly be leaving him. But then again, he has never said anything to you and his feelings existed.

He felt the sudden urge to look for you, who had been busy accompanying your father with the guests. Maybe he will actually confess how he truly felt, just in case you were actually thinking about breaking the engagement. Maybe he could save it somehow, just in case your father was willing to make the deal with Mr. Bang.

Chewing the bottom of his lip, he scanned the room, looking for the lavender dress you were wearing. But with the clumps of people, his line of sight was constantly stopped abruptly.

“Excuse me,” he mumbled politely, making his way through the crowd, “Excuse me.” He ignored the looks some people gave him, still slithering his way between the socializing people. Though his hair was parted in a way that exposed part of his forehead, he felt the need to hide under his bangs, keeping his head low as he did.

The familiar sound of your father’s laugh drove Jisung to stop and look around his area. If he was close, you’d be close. Scanning his surroundings completely, he finally spots your father, with you standing close beside him. He feels a smile rise on his lips as he begins to make his way towards you both, heartbeat racing just as his thoughts were.

Opening his mouth to call out for you, he quickly stops himself when he realizes that you and your father were holding a conversation with Bang Chan and his own father. His feet abruptly stop, allowing him to overhear the exchange of banter.

“Well, it was a pleasure having this conversation with you,” Mr. Bang chuckled, “I will see you on Monday for the papers?” He held a hand out for a handshake, a smile filled with pride appearing on his lips.

Your father nodded, “Likewise. I’m looking forward to it.” He completes the handshake, which then queues for Chan to lean in for a hug.

Shit, Jisung gulps, feeling his heart drop to his stomach, What the hell just happened?

You take a step forward and hug Chan back for a brief second before pulling back, “I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here, Chan.”

Chan’s dimples appeared as he smiled genuinely, “Thank you, Y/N.”

Jisung was frozen on the spot, unsure whether or not he should say anything. The notes that he had mentally jotted down in his head were suddenly ripped into pieces and he was practically speechless.

Obliviously, you turn to follow your father, who was already ready to move on to another conversation. Mid-turn, the boy dressed in a striped, navy suit had caught your attention, giving him a double-take, “Oh! Jisung!” The corners of your mouth rise higher, eyes lighting up at the sight of the familiar boy. A wave of comfort washed over you. It was refreshing to see him after interacting with so many strangers and acquaintances.

When you go to approach him, Jisung panics and begins to back into the people behind him. It was then you noticed the look of distraught on his face, causing you to speed up. At this, he turns and runs, causing commotion around him as dodges those who got in his way.

“Jisung!” You called out, turning the heads of those people around you. The music had drowned your voice out from those further away from you, “Jisung!?” You begin making your way through the crowd of people, going as fast as you could in heels so that you wouldn’t lose Jisung. A million assumptions were running through your head, worry lining each and every one of them.

Swinging the door open, Jisung finds himself stumbling out into the empty corridor of the hotel. With the choice of left and right, Jisung stops and impulsively runs in one direction, not minding where he would end up if kept running.

So you were going to break the engagement… without warning? How were you going to break the news to him? How was he supposed to react once you told him about it all? Happy? Sad? Excited?

You finally reached the door of the ballroom, slipping out rather roughly into the corridor. Your head whips left and right, seeing Jisung’s trailing feet to the right of the hallway, turning the corner. You let out a heavy breath before kicking off your heels, booking it in that direction.

Your mind wanders to why Jisung was running. What did he hear? Was he okay? Could it be what other people were saying again? But Jisung was never usually one to let words get to him.

Jisung lets himself rest once he gets to a secluded room. Judging by its content, he realized that he managed to slip into the coatroom, but he didn’t care. He needed time alone to think. He just needed to process this entire situation.

“Jisung?” He hears you call out. Jisung sinks down at the corner of the room, resting his head against the wall. He stays quiet, resting his forehead against his knees.

The door to the coat room opens, revealing your disheveled figure, “Jisung…” You pause and try to catch your breath, “There… there you are.”

Jisung doesn’t lift his head, afraid that if he did face you, he would burst into tears. He could sense you approaching him, though, settling down beside him. He could feel your dress up against him. Soon he feels your hand take his, holding it tightly.

“What’s wrong?”

When Jisung doesn’t answer, you don’t say anything to push out an explanation. You let the question simmer, resting your head against his shoulder.

At this point, Jisung’s mind was projecting none of his thoughts but static. He didn’t know where to start and what to bring up. How was he supposed to confront you about the engagement?

“I’m happy for you two,” Jisung blurted out quietly, avoiding eye contact, “I really am.” Your ears perked up, confused at what Jisung was going on about.

“I think people will like you both together more than us,” Jisung continued, “Just know that I lo–“

You interrupt him, turning to completely face him, “Jisung, what are you talking about?” You turned your body towards him, completely facing the cowered boy. Though your body language was practically begging for eye contact, Jisung still avoided it, playing with his rings to keep him from losing control over his emotions.

Building up his confidence, Jisung let himself look at you before whispering, “Y/N?” He sniffled quietly.

“Yeah, Sung?”

Jisung gulped and asked, “Do you like me?”

You’re taken aback by the question, not expecting it out of all the questions Jisung could have asked. Is this why he was crying?

“Of course I do, Jisung, what makes you thin–“

“I mean genuinely like me. Do you have feelings for me?” Words were spewing out of his mouth before he could even process what he was saying. He could feel his emotions taking control of himself, which often is never a good thing.

“Jisung, I love you, okay? Why do you think otherwise?” The beat of your heart sped up with worry. Your eyebrows knitted together in concern as Jisung’s lips quivered slightly.

“The Hwang's told me you were planning on breaking our engagement because Bang Chan’s father offered a better deal than my father,” he explained quietly. He felt as though that if he spoke any louder, he would break out into tears, “I told them I didn’t believe them… t-then they asked me if you’ve ever told me if you did have feelings for me. I just didn’t know what to think when… when I saw your father accept Mr. Bang’s deal. I was afraid you were actually going to leave me.”

You gently slapped his shoulder in shock, “Han Jisung, are you serious?” Jisung responded wordlessly, though a puzzled look replaced his previous emotion.

“My father approached me beforehand about it. He wanted to break our engagement because of the deal, telling me that it was no longer necessary,” you say, “But I told him I wanted to marry you because I love you, Sung. And if he did threaten to forcibly break our engagement, I would’ve fought for us.”

Jisung wanted to laugh at himself at how much he had overreacted. Overthinking was a bitch and this situation was real-life proof, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, Sung?”

“I would fight for us too.”